#i don't even know what a normal amount of likes is tbf

[fern-pajamabrain]

I finally cleaned up my spotify likes (lots of duplicates and stuff), and now I have only 4.2k liked songs

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I withheld a job from my ex?

cw: maybe abuse?

My ex (28f) and I (24f) broke up two years ago. we're on decent terms, but I moved cross-continent and we don't talk often but are on good terms. every few months we chat and catch up. I don't think she's a bad person and have no ill-will towards her.

we got together when I was 19 and she was 24, which makes me feel weird now as a 24 year old, esp considering I was homeless and recently exiting a sex trafficking situation. I'm physically disabled- she had a physical government career (think military, first responder, etc) and had a good amount of muscle on me as a result. our relationship centered around substance abuse a Lot, and she did shove me, push me, etc. the worst thing she did was break my arm when I was trying to get her to eat when she was really drunk because I was worried about alcohol poisoning. I'm an addict tbf, but I didn't put my hands on her- I was awful, I'd leave for days after we fought and scare her, and that's not okay. I want to clarify that I'm also shitty in this scenario- I'd leave, I'd call her mean names, and not pick up the phone. overall, it was a toxic relationship on both our ends.

she left her government job, and I have gotten her a job since our breakup in the nonprofit work I do. The company I recommended her to operates hundreds of miles away from me, and so I wasn't worried about running into her, despite it being the same niche area of nonprofits. People there were uncomfortable once they found out she was my ex, because they were concerned about me when we were together, but she did well and genuinely helped out a really hard-up charity.

Recently, we've caught up- I never plan to get back with her, because someone breaking your arm is bad and I recognize that. My friends rightfully disapprove of us talking, but I needed some copies of vet records for my cat she had, and she asked if I knew anyone hiring. I am successful in my career and hold sway in the field I work in. I have worked at this one company I absolutely love working for, like I'm at my dream job, and I don't think it'd be appropriate to recommend her to apply. I am higher up now, and they would let me refuse to supervise her due to conflict of interest, but I just don't want her at the company. She's great at her job and would be a massive asset, esp bc it's a nonprofit and we struggle to find decent staff, but it'd freak out my work friends, she'd come into a similar environment as the last recommendation I gave, and I honestly just want to focus on my career without dealing with the stress of having her around, even though we're friends now, she still scares me a little.

So I told her to apply at companies I have a good reputation with but do not plan to work with again. It's basically the same job, same pay, as she would get if I offered her a job where I'm at, but my company has better policy and is more understanding. we're so understaffed in my field that people recommending friends, family, exes, whatever, to apply is normal and, frankly, appreciated, as long as they aren't working with them directly. I would be able to put her in an office on the other side of the country and never have to talk to her w work, but I just. Don't want her at this company, even though she'd help a ton and it's slightly better than the other jobs I've set her up with. She doesn't know I'm holding out, but AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[mrs-monaghan]

Previous anon here again, I just wanted to clarify in response to your answer: I totally agree with the over exaggerated edits of supposedly Jungkook being jealous of the members, most of them are bs (maybe except for a very few instances with Namjoon?). I was thinking of a few moments that do seem legit to me and as you said especially the ones with people outside of the band. I was also thinking of the moments with Taemin, though I still wonder if Jungkook was jealous of him or if he just didn’t like him for whatever reason (which is a shame cause I love Taemin!!) I think in the past Jungkook had a tendency of being a bit possessive, which seems quite normal to me, he was really young and probably insecure, it happens. Ha anyway, he has grown a lot though.

Oh for sure JK had a huge issue with Taemin. Huge. Don't people believe the manilla fight may have had something to do with Taemin? My friends i think that Jimin may have had to practise on JK's birthday and the latter wasn't having it. Like its the only thing we can think of because, Jikook were fine during the day celebrating. So what happened overnight so that the next morning at the airport they couldn't even look at or be next to eo?? How can things go wrong in such a short amount of time? Jimin has been there for all of JK's birthdays. But this one night he couldn't so maybe JK felt some type of way?? Who knows. But it make sense. Either way you've seen the way Taemin looks at Jimin. He's definitely been hit by that Jimin effect and JK ain't blind 😂😂

So outside of BTS we have seen Sean Mendez, Taemin, and something was happening with Bogum during this.

My friends and I believe JK watched Jikook compilations and saw himself doing the tongue in cheek thing and decided to rectify 😂😂 but as u can see he did that for the entire Jimin and Bogum interaction and stopped as soon as Jimin was next to him.

Then we also have JB and this has to be my favourite 🤣🤣🤣🤣 JB and Jimin kept looking at eo. Well, tbf, JB was blatantly staring at Jimin and so Jimin kept looking back at him.

But this happened for too long and JK was like

I swear to God this entertains me so much!!! And it happened for quite a while!! Jikookers Classroom always shows the whole picture and doesn't manipulate so check out the whole Kdrama here. And its the way Jimin smirks like....bro what are u doing??? This whole thing is fucking gold!!

Then of course we have Wonho. This one is quite popular but my favourite part has to be when after Jimin admiring Wonho's muscles for most of the night, when they were leaving, JK started to work out his arm with the trophy

He was like "babe see? I'm strong too." 🤭🤭

Last but definitely not least we have this TXT moment.

Its so subtle. A blink and u will miss it type of thing. The guy shakes Jimin's hand once. Okay, thats fine. But when he does it a second time JK taps him like "that's enough son." 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just to name some few none bts moments. But back to RM and Suga. While I understand why JK would be anti Yoonmin, I dont get the Minimoni anti thing. 🤭 A friend told me it could be because JK admires RM so much. He's so smart and bla bla bla. And JK looks up to him. And maybe JK knows he is not like RM so it could stem from that? Idk why the issue because JK is super smart and has a million things going for him. But after being around for a while I found out something interesting about the Korean culture. About how men claim their women and let everyone know that, that woman is his. Apparently when JK got into that nasty scandal with the tattoo artist c*nt, Karmy were telling the boyfriend to claim her?? Or some shit like that? But the guy refused to because they were broken up or something. Apparently it was messed up that JK would hold another man's woman like that. Idk man. I'm not Korean and I don't fully understand it but I know it's a thing. Which explains why JK behaves the way he does. You said, he was possessive coz he was young and insecure. And maybe thats true. But I think there is also the issue of no one knowing they're together. JK would love for the world to know Jimin is "his" but he can't. And so people going around touching and feeling on his man well... I can see why he would have an issue with that. Especially since Jimin gets shipped with pretty much everyone.

[princesssmars]

can you do a aki menzies x reader 🥺 please

all the money in the world!

an aki menzies x reader

aki grapples with a rapid influx of popularity, and finds solace in someone who doesnt even know who he is.

wc : 1.227

contains : fluff

a/n : anon. anon. this is so late and i am so sorry 😭 tbf in the first season i did nawt like aki and i was bipolar to him in the second. so i hope this suits your fancy.

--

yet again, aki's life was being ruined by his friends.

ok, hes being dramatic. normally the "ruin" comes in the form of being dragged along to some party, or monet forcing him to photograph her and the girls on the steps of the met while they ate lunch.

but this time it was bad.

the day started normally. he woke up, got ready for school, and gave his mom a goodbye kiss on the cheek. meets up with his friends at school. does pretty good on an english test. everything fine.

until they're all getting lunch from some pop-up nearby. he's relaxing at a table, enjoying the taste of his odd fusion cupcake when he hears a giggle and looks to his right, being met with the black of max's iphone. he smiles, used to his friends' antics around lunchtime before gently smacking the phone away.

it was simple. and normal. until he woke up the next day to thousands of notifications. tiktok, instgram, twitter, fucking whatsapp?

and at the top of his lock screen, a little message from max.

the literal devil : oops! :)

so the next two weeks are...rough. max posted the little lunch video onto his socials and it blew up for no reason at all. well, aki knew the reason. he knew he was attractive, he'd had his share of girlfriends and boyfriends over the years. but this was a lot. dozens of dm's on multiple sites, and he didn't even want to know what the comments sections looked like. his normally quaint insta profile of mostly skateboarding and basketball videos now had an infinite stream of girls, guys, and everyone in between thrusting over him.

and then it leaked into real life. girls in his classes leaving notes in his locker, one of his teammates giving him a flirty comment after the game! sure he might've gotten their number, but that's beside the point. aki was a low-key person, and this insane amount of sudden attention was the opposite of what he wanted.

the only place where he doesn't have to worry about any of it is the skatepark. the whole viral fiasco was only mentioned once, with one of his skateboarding friends teasing him about it when they were sitting by the edge of one of the drops.

its a random saturday when aki decides to skate to let off some steam, when he sees some new little jazz cafe only two blocks from it. he isn't a big fan of jazz but decides a quick snack couldn't hurt. he orders a little snack and as he's turning into a girl and spilling her drink all over her front.

he groans out about twenty apologies in under a minute, telling her he'll buy her a new drink and enough to replace her outfit if she needs it. she laughs and assures him its fine, that she was returning her drink anyway. that based on his beaten-down skateboard she wouldn't want to run his pockets dry anyway.

and he laughs. like, really laughs. probably one of the first girls in weeks outside of his friends who hasn't fawned over him and she just called him broke within two minutes of meeting.

you exchange names and he gets your number. he feels like he's walking on air. he can't even find it in him to care that the wheel on his janky-ass skateboard falls off.

he texts you as soon as he gets home. and when he wakes up the next day. and whenever he's at lunch. and dinner. and before he knows it you're texting everyday, graduating to phone calls after only three weeks.

he learns so much about you and vice versa, such as the beautiful and life-saving fact that you don't have social media and go to a school in brooklyn. he's so overjoyed to have someone treat him normally that the tiny little dickhead voice inside of him tells him it would be a great idea to keep his identity from you. and he nearly considers it until you tell him one of your friends recognized his picture in your phone and told you who he was.

great. perfect.

and then the next day some stranger must have taken a picture of you sharing a milkshake on your date because his group chat is flooded with messages. tales of betrayal and disgust and "you sure you don't wanna share?"

he's scared about the idea of inviting you to meet his friends, but you don't seem too worried about it. you tell him you don't care if they're rich and famous or whatever, that at the end of the day, they're just people like you. it makes him feel better if not a little scared.

its decided you'll tag along to some informal dinner party aubrey's mom is hosting, having come into a good deal of money with the boom of her fashion line. it takes a lot of convincing to get aubs to agree to let a 'civilian' into her mom's party. all he had to do was find her some obscure signed book from some swedish author she liked.

and god, was he thankful they all seemed to like you. jordan complimented you bag, leading the two of you to bond over how you both loved some shop down in queens, and once jordan started to warm up to you it was only a matter of time before the others did.

as soon as monet and luna were talking about how your hair 'wasn't as bad as they were expecting', he knew everything would be fine.

now that his friends were off the board, there was only one thing left. to go public.

he could tell you were actually nervous about this, and he was too. while he jokingly referred to his friends as the final boss of dating, he knew that teenagers on the upper east side were much worse.

but, yet again, maximus wolfe just has to interfere.

it was going to be a boring weekend until max told everyone he wanted to go to dumbo. aki was able to extend an invitation to you, and damn was he glad when he sees you in your outfit. it was new, something you'd picked out during a shopping trip with jordan. so he cant really be blamed when he's cuddled into your side while you're sipping into your drink, just enjoying the night with his friends.

until he hears you giggle and ask max what he's doing, opening his eyes to see his camera pointed at the two of you.

"max, no."

"what, im not doing anything!"

the next morning, aki realizes that when max wolfe says he won't do something, he's going to do it.

you send him the link to max's near bare tiktok account, the most recent video having nearly double the number of views as the last one about aki.

its only fifteen seconds long, the camera pointing straight at you as you talk to obie beside you as he tiredly rests into your shoulder. opening the comments he's expecting the worse, until he sees a wall of compliments about the pair of you. well, most about you.

he gets a message notification from th etop of his screen.

yn : well, at least that part's over.

god, he wouldn't change you for the world.

[pan-magi]

*posts random rukh thoughts over a month late b/c I forgot about it*

Are the rukh an actual light source? The things my mind gets stuck on repeatedly while working on shit.

The answer would appear to be yes. This is shown when there is enough gathered at one place, usually in a relation with one of the magi using enough magic and producing magoi at a rate to be visible to everyone who can't usually see them. With the exception of Judar, but I'll get to black rukh in a minute. This is usually conveyed through light even if the surroundings are dim. The first time Aladdin is seen really going off is one such occurrence.

I keep thinking to myself. How does rukh produce light when magi using magic isn't involved? Do magicians constantly see hundreds, thousands, of light sources no one else can see? Or is the light so minimal it doesn't make a difference? I like to know what light sources I'm dealing with.

The closest we get for this is with Baba. She sees the world directly through rukh; it is her source of sight. Though tbf, the anime doesn't really touch on her being blind outside of her interaction with rukh. The manga is only a little clearer. Point being, light source or not, it is a way to see and experience the world.

Does that mean that it acts as a sort of passive night vision outside of Baba? Who knows. The one time I can think of an example is that while exploring the fifth district there isn't much light shown outside of some lanterns and dim lights, but Aladdin, Titus and Sphintus don't seem to have much trouble. Meanwhile, Marga and the rest of the citizens there are used to the level of light and don't work really as a control group. So I dunno.

The other conclusion is that it's not the rukh that produce the light. It comes from the magoi that they produce. When Judar explains the magic system to Aladdin (imo, a condescending smartass doing an exposition dump is a surprisingly effective way to deliver information to the audience in a quick manner), he produces magoi to deliver his point. It acts as a bright beacon that everyone reacts to and sees, especially when Judar starts attacking people with it.

I don't really have concluding thoughts on this. It's more of a ramble dump. Good place as any to switch to talk about black rukh.

I kinda dislike in the anime that black rukh is also shown to produce light. A dim purple light typically, but a light nonetheless. One of the reasons I think of to why is so that each is distinguishable in a way. That a mass of black rukh isn't shown to be a massive black blob and nothing else.

(left about normal, right darkened slightly to show point of black blob)

It isn't how I ever imagined them to be though.

I'll end this on a headcanon of mine. I always thought it made more sense for the black rukh to absorb light or at the very least cast a massive shadow. The first impression Aladdin gets from seeing Judar is describing him like a black sun. What would be the cause for someone to come to that conclusion? Mine was that the overwhelming amount of black rukh from Judar would be a blot of darkness until Aladdin can focus on him properly. If it is only dozens of black birds surrounding the guy the description will be less extreme.

An eclipse (what I can attribute to being like a black sun, outside of blackhole) doesn't just cast ordinary shadows. It is putting out the main light source of the planet. It isn't a cloudy day, a storm, or night time during a new moon: the closest other comparison. The darkness of an eclipse hits different. Plus, when Aladdin gets memories about the fall of Alma Tran the sun there looks like it is permanently eclipsed. That's the quickest shorthand to show that it is nothing but darkness all the time.

Anyway, that is how I see Judar and the black rukh in general. They are opposites and out of spite literally and metaphorically counteracts the light from the white rukh.

Yup, no closing thoughts. Thanks for reading this word vomit if you did!

[torialefay]

First of all, wishing you all the best of luck on your assessment🍀🍀🍀🍀

Second, mad agree with you on the hair post like😊

Third, coming from a lower middle/middle class area, i have never met a single person who was financially "normal" to this area or on the poorer side who would dare throw their electronics like chan has before. Even if they got richer later, old habits die hard, and you learn the value of money. I mean, I've seen people toss or flip their phone softly when bored, but never that hard or with a laptop or something, holy shit. You can tell a lot about someone by their interactions with not only people, but everything. The amount of times i watched an idol and went "🫵rich kid attitude" is kinda funny. And i totally agree with all the asks that came in between you and your mutuals and some anons, skz are all mad hardworking, but i dont think you can or should ignore or cover up the fact that they had the financial help and the resources to learn more and give them an advantage above the rest both personally amx through jype. Its kinda like college acceptance imo. And YES creatively free with many many many restrictions. Not even talking about k-idols, normal musicians have talked about the restrictions and requirements they need to have for their appearcance and the songs they released, i can only imagine being an idol is just exponentially demanding and restrictive. Their real voice is there, but it's smaller than a lot of stay think. Hayley Kiyoko talked about her company (label?) Not wanting her to write anymore songs about girls and Colbie Caillet has a whole song about her frustration that her label wanted her to write more love songs.

*incoherent noises* i could go on forever, but my god, cortana, play "we dont believe whats on tv" by twenty one pilots

And oh my god, i wish fandoms lighten up some. Its okay to not like everything every artist or show or whatever you like comes out with. It may even be healthy to not. When you love someone, youre not gonna let them keep fucking up and then you go "youre doing amazing sweetie", no, you have to tell them that they fucked up so they are aware of their mistakes and get better. Im pretty sure i read somewhere that skz mentioned thats what they prefer anyways. Sure its gonna hurt, especially since so much heart and hope, and hardwork went into it, but if its not good, its okay to admit that and that goes for every relationship ever. And if they dont wanna listen, then, thats on them.

Im really loving all the reality checks on here recently and i havent even ranted on about "i like it" yet lmao

thank you baby!!!! and tbf, i think they could look good in absolutely any hair color or hair style. except i never want to see christopher in another fully-red moment again. his lil red highlights or whatever he had recebtly for the mv were cute, but i'm not here for the full red like leave that man alone 😭

i was talking to one of my moots about this a little bit, so i'm actually glad you brought it up... but idk it's kind of embarrassing(?) idk for me to talk about so please bear with me im queasy lol. i was never some like super spoiled-brat rich kid or anything, but growing up i would say my family was very well-off or privilged maybe? idk it's kind of awkward to talk about bc i don't want people to feel certain ways about me but yeah. i think when you are in that kind of position, it's so easy to not even realize how advantaged you are. like there's that mentality of "oh i'm such a hard worker and that's how i've gotten here" when really, as uncomfortable as it is to admit, you don't *actually* know how far you would've gotten if you'd done it ALL on your own. not relying on anyone else... and not knowing if "just you" is good enough is a veryyyy hard pill to swallow- aka why most people disregard their privilege even being brought into the equation. it's easier to just pretend it doesnt exist. hence, i guess, why we love to think of SKZ coming up from nothing... it's just so easy to fall into that trap. and i feel like even the skz members fall into that trap themselves

unfortunately, that is the biggest drawback of being a kpop idol. in a way, you can't even be your full self anymore. which is sad. like not only do you not have full control of your own music (which is supposed to be your livelihood), but you don't even have control over how you're perceived. i talk a lot ab how i wish i could hang out with the guys behind the scenes, just to see what they're REALLY like... and when you think about it, that's kind of sad. i consume so much SKZ content, but even with all of that, it's very apparent that we don't know how they are when the cameras cut off. everything we see of them is specifically controlled by their team... except for things like bubble ofc and we see what that has revealed to us about chris lol. it's just so sad, but then again, it's exactly what they signed up for. (bonus points to u for the twenty one pilots reference though my god how i love them)

it's definitely not healthy to tell someone that they're amazing and perfect in every way and agreebwith absolutely everything they say. that's not helping anything. there's obviously a lot of stays who felt uncomfortable with the song, but imagine if no one said anything??? like literally everyone was too scared to say it and everyone just went along with it. theyd have a whole new comeback w songs ab not fucking liking you and just wanting to fuck and shit 😭 which like, power to them, but stays would just be playing themselves at that point lol

haven't ranted on "i like it".... YET?!?! oh lord, i'm strapped in and ready 😭😭😭😂

[system-vent]

I do NOT know how to warn for this one (I'll figure it out as I go)

TW: fakeclaiming, ableism, transphobia (mention), queerphobia (mention), anti-kin (mention), there's probably more here...

So I have NO problem with fictionkin, at all, we have headmates who are kin but GOD!

There is so much system hatred within the kin community (tbf there's a good amount of ableism in that community in general) that it SICKENS ME

And I don't understand why, because most systems find solace is the fictionkin community, especially pre-discovery, and even post-discovery, there is so much interlap, what happened that caused this riff? I guess infighting will do it, because I used to know systems who thought fictionkin weren't valid, bit how can you not think a whole ass disorder is valid?

I haven't really taken into too much account until a specific blog that I don't think I should name (for multiple safety reasons) but I REALLY want to, just because I want someone to see it and feel what I feel

There is a certain popular fiction kin blog that I've just always had a terrible feeling about, they've let asks get posted about transphobia, queerphobia, anti-kin (despite being a kin blog), gatekeeping, and especially ABLEISM

They have NOT made themselves a safe space for anyone at all! There has recently been an ask that THEY have let get posted about how systems aren't "normal" and need to get therapy and how systems with over 100 alters are cringy children, and that autism and adhd can cause dissociation so most people aren't "real systems"

I'm also pretty sure from reading a comment under one of their posts that they're pro-endo

The mod is NOT a system, they don't claim to be, they just let us systems send in confessions

I honestly really hate how intertwined the system and kin community is, it causes stupid problems like this

I'm not saying we all need to be seperated, but if you don't take into account the shit you let by, it makes you come across as a terrible person

Fuck you, you know who you are

You do not deserve your blog

Sorry if I sound unreasonably upset, but my whole role is to be a hater. Also, maybe you just need to do better

It's fine you have every right to be upset so we don't blame you :/ -🌀

[angelhauntings]

sorry long ask feel free to ignore. what i see way more than actual w* samblogs are samblogs who just have somewhat close proximity to w* circles. like 0-1 degrees of separation. which makes some sense given that a decent amount of sam centric (or even just... sam-inclusive? sam-as-character-not-adulterated-through-destiel) content comes from like bibro types and just ppl who don't aggressively block for suspected wincestie leanings. just normal dissemination of content i guess. but it does cause one to rub elbows with people ur average destiel stannie would consider war criminals. the whole thing with samblogs Being wincest shippers gets into tired old "adjacency crimes" stuff, but tbf it can also be annoying/distressing to have a samblogger rb something of yours and in a few hours your notes are filled with w* types who probably wouldn't have seen the post otherwise. just my too sense

yeah that makes a lot of sense! and “even just… sam-inclusive?” is kind of what i was trying to get at. blogs who just treat sam as an actual character might be seen as sam-centric by people who are used to ignoring him, and that might be part of why they decide most w* blogs are sam blogs.

i think the other thing i wanna note is that like. AS a samblogger i get w*ncesties in my notes sometimes and it IS annoying and distressing and it’s partly just because i have followers that have that 1-2 degrees of separation that obviously i can’t screen for just from their blog. and i follow and/or am followed by dozens of sam blogs who are just as anti-w* as the people who go around saying “why are all the sam blogs w*ncesties”.

we SHARE your annoyance and distress. there’s usually no reason for it to be aimed at us instead of the actual w*ncest blogs, and if the sam blog IS too close to those circles for your liking, curate your content and block them. i fully agree that sam blogs tend to have less degrees of separation from w* than say hellers, but it’s still incredibly frustrating as a sam blog to constantly be associated with it, because that association is still inaccurate! you know?

sorry for the rambling response, and i appreciate you sharing your thoughts :)

[rotationalsymmetry]

About GET: it might not be completely impossible to do it without making CFS worse, but it's really, really hard and the consequences of making things worse are very high. Part of that is PEM is frequently delayed by a day or two. Part of it is...as far as I know there isn't actual data on this, but anecdotally: people can build up sort of reserves by not overextending over time, and be resistant to crashing the next time they overdo it, but if you don't have those "reserves" because you're always near your limit, you crash harder/for longer. And crashes aren't always temporary, people have reported not getting back to their previous baseline after a bad crash.

And part of it is, most people will listen to their doctor over their body, and if their body is telling them "I can't handle this" and their doctor is telling them they can, they'll push themselves through the discomfort. Which is often the right thing to do. But generally not with CFS.

Doctors tend to be motivated to find cures/teeatments more than avoiding making things worse. It's a known problem. And tbf often their patients are very anxious about getting better and not necessarily thinking about the possibility that "treatment" might make things worse, especially if they've only recently gotten sick (like in the last 6-12 months) and haven't had time to adjust to a new normal.

Physical activity tends to be the most obvious trigger for PEM but is not the only one. It can also be triggered by socializing, sensory overload (fun when it's both, like trying to follow a conversation in a noisy restaurant), cognitive activity, or -- this is significant but hard to measure -- strong emotions/stress. Not just "bad" strong emotions either, being excited can both make you run through spoons faster and make you less likely to notice early warning signs.

Ways to adjust your life to reduce crashes:

1. Figured out your energy envelope (spoon budget, amount of cell phone charge, spell slots) and stay inside it: people tend to overestimate how much they can do when they have CFS, so tracking what you do over two weeks and then averaging it can tell you what's sustainable (not just what you can do on a good day if you don't mind triggering bad days.) (Yeah, this isn't always possible: sometimes people can't afford to stop working or have family obligations they can't avoid or taking care of personal needs uses consistently more spoons than they have.)

2. Rest before you are tired, at least once a day for 10 minutes, but many people do a longer rest, more frequent rests, or both. (By "rest" I mean lying down as close to doing nothing as you can manage; I tend to listen to a guided meditation or to music. Some people fall asleep, this is OK for some people and for others it's better not to because it can disrupt sleep.)

3. Break up things into chunks with sitting-down rests in between, or do things differently (eg sitting down in the shower.)

4. Getting other people to do things or doing less.

5. Noticing patterns: often people with CFS, when they get their symptoms under control enough that they're not crashing frequently, notice that they can tolerate more activity in the morning than the evening, or vice versa.

6. Making plans for special occasions and getting extra rest before, after, and during when possible. For instance, if I want to go somewhere for my birthday and I know it'll use more than my average day number of spoons, I can use fewer spoons two days before and two days after, and likely will be fine. Also, get extra rest during and after being sick (I mean, sick on top of the CFS.)

7. About exercise: exercise is risky for people with CFS, because it can burn through a lot of spoons and trigger PEM, again sometimes two days after the trigger. (Especially exercise that elevates the heart rate significantly, like jogging or climbing stairs.) But, not exercusing causes problems: muscle weakness, back or joint pains, stiffness/loss of mobility from lack of stretching, negative effects on mood/stress accumulation, etc. It is generally worth looking for sustainable amounts/types of exercise: I have PT for my back that I can do lying down, and can tolerate about 2 miles of walking on level ground on a good day if I sit down and rest a few times. And I do a fair bit of yoga, of the stretchy floor poses and restorative poses variety. (I'm not doing sun salutations.) In theory it is possible to increase this amount gradually over time, but that's risky (if you're careful enough it might be fine for months before you overdo it, speaking from expeience) so I recommend finding an amount/type of exercise that works and just sticking to it. It's not necessarily going to be what a healthy person would consider exercise, and that's OK. Also, there are approaches to stress relief that do not rely on physical activity, such as deep breathing and progressive muscular relaxation, and there's ways of getting into your body like body scans and self-massage (or getting someone else to massage you if you can swing it) or hot baths.

8. When figuring out what's sustainable, remember that chores and errands are also physical activity and use spoons (and have more or less the same benefits as exercising for the sake of exercising -- it probably doesn't make sense to walk for fun in place of walking to the convenience store, but it might make sense to do specific strength exercises instead of standing to wash the dishes or vacuuming), so don't track them separately from the things you do solely as exercise.

Full Transcript at the link; 3-minute listen.

Quote:

By taking biopsies from long COVID patients before and after exercising, scientists in the Netherlands constructed a startling picture of widespread abnormalities in muscle tissue that may explain this severe reaction to physical activity.

Among the most striking findings were clear signs that the cellular power plants, the mitochondria, are compromised and the tissue starved for energy.

"We saw this immediately and it's very profound," says Braeden Charlton, one of the study's authors at Vrije University in Amsterdam.

The tissue samples from long COVID patients also revealed severe muscle damage, a disturbed immune response, and a buildup of microclots.

"This is a very real disease," says Charlton. "We see this at basically every parameter that we measure."

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

What do you think what kind of person is Evan in his private life? We only know about Emma treating Evan horribly but both Halsey and Emma seem to feel quite vengeful towards Evan. (Tbf i don't know how H typically behaves when she breaks up with someone, maybe she is generally this bitter?) But I mean if Evan is just a normal ex, they should just move on right? Why are they so obsessed with wanting to harm him? And he is such a giant sweetheart too, so gentle! could never hurt a fly! Why would someone want to harm specifically him? I include H because she liked horrible tweets against Evan and even now commented under Emma's latest post like a bestie. If I knew my s o was horribly abused by a woman who they arrested, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her, despite breaking up with my ex. I just wouldn't support someone violent?!

So there are 2 options - either Evan is really the biggest A-hole in private life and he did things that would justify talking badly about him or halsey teaming up with emma because they were both wronged in the same way and are searching for public revenge. Or both are crazy narcissists who really have no empathy and are hate filled toward him just because they didn't get what they want in a relationship / or just out of pure narcissism. I used to not feel as strongly about Halsey because there was no indication of her mistreating Evan, but after seeing her social media behavior post- Evan, it's really disgusting to see what extents she goes to defame Evan. So for me they are both in the same category, of emotionally abusive people. Except of course, if there is a real explanation for this behavior. Something horrible we don't know about Evan which he's always held back to the public. A very unlikely option but still an option.

Sorry for such a long text and for the amount of questions. As you can tell I like to theorize. But I would like to hear your opinion (especially to the first part) :):)

first off, i don’t think having awful, or even abusive exes, who resent you no longer being with them is any indication of your character or some dark personality you’re hiding.

halsey commenting on an instagram post from emma is not teaming up with her. but even if it was, why should anyone care if two of evan’s exes from years ago became friends? as if they would ever do anything besides shit talk a man they have not moved on from. in a perfect world, when two people break up you wouldn’t feel the need to make your ex the devil in disguise, but unfortunately many people do this even if nothing terrible happened between them - sometimes, when a person feels rejected they lash out and start demonizing the ex who did not reciprocate their feelings. in this situation, it looks like halsey was obsessive about evan (even before they met, as a fan) and i just don’t think evan was matching that energy at all. i think he was just rebounding after his final split with emma, and that’s why they fizzled out so quickly. it was probably humiliating for halsey to have done all those interviews mentioning evan, and having people recall her many gushing social media posts and that video talking about him like a fangirl.. even name dropping emma, only for that relationship to go nowhere.

“But I mean if Evan is just a normal ex, they should just move on right? Why are they so obsessed with wanting to harm him?” i don’t think you can really simplify things like that. one, i can’t say that either of them are trying to harm him now that he’s an ex - they may dislike or hate him but they are no longer in his life. it’s all too common for people to have exes they hate for a variety of reasons. relationships are complicated, and the two you’re speaking about (emma and halsey) are night and day. emvan were together for 7 years, engaged, and there was known DV on emma’s part. they broke up and reunited many times, and it’s clear why emma would hold resentment towards evan. she was an abuser who lost control of a person with low enough self-esteem to take her mistreatment and still adore her and treat her like she hung the moon. he worshipped and wanted to marry her.. good luck finding another man like that. nothing angers abusers more than losing the upper hand, and evan has moved on.

with halsey, they were only together 6 months, they burned out fast. i already shared why i feel she has negative feelings about evan: he did not live up to her expectations and she did not get her fairytale. evan very well could not have been the best boyfriend to her, or anyone - he’s human, and he obviously just left the woman he thought he was going to marry before he got with halsey. there’s a lot of baggage there. that doesn’t make him “the biggest a-hole” in his private life, at the end of the day he’s just a human who shouldn’t be put on a pedestal - nor should anyone. he makes mistakes. he has his own shortcomings and trauma and issues he has to work through like anyone else in this world. when we look at celebrity relationships and see exes lash out, talk badly about their former partners, make petty remarks.. we will almost never know the whole story. we will never know these people intimately. but we can look at the whole picture and deduce whether or not we think someone has valid reason to feel wronged, and when someone is just a bitter ex who is hanging onto the past.

FYI - this is the comment from halsey.

[horce-divorce]

wisdom tooth update! its fine im just having Moment about the surgical healing process so ill put this under a readmore

tl;dr im healing fine, and also, it bears repeating that I CANNOT BELIEVE how people go walking around like wisdom tooth surgery is No Big Deal So Normal And Minor You'll Be Fine Right Away. we are now at week 2 and I'm just finally starting to get my mojo back but my face is still very sore and I am still having thrice daily body horror moments every time i have to irrigate the (still massive) wound in my face

posting bc it reassures me and also on the offchance this isnt actually normal and someone else can spot that lmao

proceed w caution if you don't like graphic descriptions or pictures of mouths/minor surgical wounds. no blood/gore, just TMI

frantically doing research about what healing wisdom tooth sockets are supposed to look like bc nobody tells you JUST HOW MUCH OF YOUR FACE they have to carve up to get those suckers out???? i have like an indoor chelsea grin situation going on????? but apparently this is all normal, I think??! MOST of the images I see of healing sockets look a lot less dramatic/have MUCH, MUCH smaller incisions. but i have found a few comparable ones to mine. and it doesn't look infected or anything so yeah ig this is just. normal????

i mean i would really expect my incision to be uhh h smaller by week 2. but idk like i said. its otherwise healing fine?

like. im kidding about the chelsea grin thing obviously but also kinda not really. like my actual jaw, like the joint, like the BACK of my mouth, WAY ABOVE the gums, is still split open. like way way more than you'd think would have been necessary. like an additional half inch above my socket. it's basically 2 sockets. that are attached like 1 big socket that goes from my gums into my cheek.

i even took a picture if you wanna see!!

you dont!

but im cursed to look at this 3x a day whether i like it or not!

BEHOLD

look at that! that's 2 weeks post surgery to the day.

its not my gums. that is fully a half inch up past my gums. tbf that sucker was sideways so they probably had to break it out hamburger style instead of hotdog style or w/e, but also, it's been 2 weeks? i expect it to take longer for bone and tissue to fill in the socket, but an incision should be closing up after 2 weeks, shouldnt it????

idk cus like, this is the only "complication" i've had btw, my face/cheek muscles being an issue... nurse suspected I overworked them on days 3-4 in an attempt to get pain relief; I was stretching/massaging/trying to chew too soon. I was only afterwards told how deep the injections go and that they can cause inflammation for weeks afterwards. oops. (i still dont think i'd have been able to talk properly or chew until about day 5 anyway, but i def made it worse. part of me wonders if the incision was even this big to begin with, or if I did that by overworking it.......... 💀)

anyway, my cheek/jaw muscles, right on the incision, hurt way more than my socket. they just keep getting tighter. and tighter. you know that feeling when a tendon/muscle is out of place and then it goes TWONG back into place and you're like "UGHK" ? it's like that inside my jaw, under my tongue and under the socket, except it never twangs back. my face just gets tighter and tighter like a rubber band that won't break, the more i eat/talk/smile the worse it gets. heat helps but it's inflamed as well so im trying to alternate heat/ice.

that said it's gradually getting better every day. vast improvement even from last Friday. but man. that + realizing how far up into my face that incision actually goes has me in a serious recurring body horror moment. i have hated absolutely every single second of this whole process :) this is my personal hell :)

licherally can not BELIEVE the amount of NT people who go walking around like wisdom tooth surgery is NO Big Fuckin Deal Back To Work on Day 3. it's WEEK 2 for me and I am just now getting back to normal, I can eat pretty much anything now (still avoiding crunchy and spicy), but i have to be so careful about how much I use my jaw.

maybe I am just more attached to my teeth and bones than the average guy (i.e. have sensory processing issues) or maybe it's just that ive never had any other surgeries. maybe i hate all surgery this much idk. but what the fuck lol. i do NOT feel I was adequately prepared for this. no way. everyone was like "oh it's fine you'll be in and out in 10 mins, I didnt even take my vicodin bc i didnt even need it, I was back to work on day 3, everybody gets it, they do so many of these all the time." ok but, do you have a fucking adamantium skeleton. you are the creature that god forgot. who are you people. like yeah they cut into my jaw and broke my bones right out of my face, but it's totally fine and im instantly normal again!! couldnt be me!!! what the fuck!!!!

[endiness]

@supercupcakecollector-love lol this was too long to pop off in the replies so.

this wouldn't even be a problem if he didn't continually present himself as just SUCH a fan of the games and the books but it's like. he hasn't even really played the second game or at least played it all the way through and beaten it. given how little i've seen him mention the first game, i think it's highly probable he hasn't played it either. although tbf i don't actually have proof of that. but i have only seen him mention the first game a grand total of once throughout all my interview research — and i've gone through an absurd amount of interviews at this point. and even then, the context of him mentioning the first game was in conjunction with the second and saying something along the lines of "cdpr made two great games [tw1 and tw2] and then they made the greatest game of all time [tw3] when it was released." so it's not like he was mentioning the game individually or on a personal level of his own experience playing it or anything. he hasn't played the blood & wine dlc, either. (and he's a bit waffly about whether he's actually played the hearts of stone dlc or not, too.)

he not only didn't know the books existed when he started pursuing the role but he thought that the books were based off the games and he still never bothered to check them out. he obviously never bothered to google or wiki the series, either, or look into it any deeper despite proclaming himself to be such a lore fan — both of the franchise and just in general — because if he had, then surely he would've found out the games were based off the books then. he's only read through the book series once, too, in 2018 after he found out that the games were based off of them from lauren. he's also said, in a very questioning, unsure tone, something along the lines of "the games, i believe, take place post-book series" which. just. yes, they do take place post-books. why are you saying this like you don't know and are unsure about it. if you actually read the books and actually played the games — or even just knew anything about either — then you would definitely know this. y'know, if you'd actually done those things. 🤔

and, like, if he was just a normal persion in a normal situation, then all of this would be fine. it's totally fine if you're a fan of the franchise but you've only played tw3 and even then you haven't played all the dlc for it and you never felt the need to look into the series any deeper beyond that or read the books or, once you did, you only read through them one time. you are still a fan and your fan experience is totally valid if you haven't consumed, like, absolutely every iteration of the franchise and piece of information about it. but the thing with him is that he isn't a normal person and it's not a normal situation. he's an actor on the show (or, well, was lol) who throughout the entire press for it continually pushed this message that he's just SUCH a fan of games (of which we only know he's played one all the way through) and the books (which he's only read through once) and he just cares SO much about the source material (even though, at least as far as i know, every thing that he had a hand in on the show went against the source material.) like, the way he's presented himself just comes off as SO dishonest and manipulative when you've actually gone through the things he's said. (especially since the only times he ever, like, "confesses" to things like this and only having read through the books once or not having played one of the games are either in interviews that are 10+ minutes long, including con panels, and/or non-english interviews — all of which are extremely less likely to be picked up by media outlets and seen by the fandom at large.)

and then what's extra frustrating is that he gets all the praise for being thee biggest fan of the franchise and most knowledgeable of it despite from the sounds of it only having played tw3 and only having read through the series once before the show even started shooting. and meanwhile with the rest of the cast it's like. therica has played all the games and she's read all the books. joey's read through the books at least three times by now. both joey and therica have had cast members ask them about their characters and the story and the plot and to help them understand what's going on because of how knowledgeable they are about it. freya and kim have also talked about how "amazing" joey is with how knowledgeable he is about the series and how he could "give henry a run for his money" if quizzed about it. (which even henry has conceded that he wouldn't want to go up against joey lol.) and despite what people may think, like, the writers do obviously know the books and i'd think they have likely read them more than anyone on the cast because they have to actually, y'know, write the show and therefore need to know what's going on and when and what needs to be adjusted to work within the confines of a tv show and all of the complications that come from that. and, like, tomek literally worked on all three games. so, y'know, there's also that lol.

and then when you add it all together, it's like. he hasn't even played all the games. he's only read through the full series once right before he was cast. yet he continually pushed this narrative that he's just such a huge fan of the franchise — and in s1 press in particular, he repeatedly brought up his love for the games more than anything else. he fucked up geralt's characterization in s1 by cutting his lines and either saying nothing or just grunting instead (with his inspiration being doug's performance as geralt in the games.) then come s2, after he'd gotten dunked on by reddit for his shitty acting choices that went against the books, he started heavily pushing this narrative that he's just such a huge fan of the books (and hardly mentions the games) and he wanted a more book accurate, verbose geralt even though it was his fault in the first place that geralt wasn't like that in s1 which he virtually never mentioned at all and basically just lied and blamed the writers for. he basically didn't want to play geralt with any character flaws in s2 which led to a huge cascade effect of eskel's death, yennefer's betrayal arc, and voleth meir being the big bad of the season. every other change i know he's had a hand in either directly went against the books or the original plan made more sense and fit within the tone of the books more, too. yet despite all of that, he continually pushed this narrative that he's just such an ardant defender of the source material and how hard it was for him to balance that between lauren's vision. and what exactly is henry's definition of lauren's vision? the show being an ensemble piece with women heavily at that the center and ciri and yennefer in particular at the forefront. y'know. like the books. (i mean, less so with yennefer, but the show making yennefer a more prominent figure is a good change from the source material, so like. fuck off if you're sexist and quite possibly racist and, either way, big mad about that tbh.) and then the media and the fanbase just completely ran with the whole narrative he pushed, completely uncritically and unquestioningly, and started pushing it themselves and this idea that HE'S the only one who knows anything about the source material on the show and HE'S the only one in the entire show that actually cares about it121!!! and then all three — hc, the media, and the fanbase — have, to varying degrees, used that to attack the show and the writers and everyone else involved with the show — a lot of whom are DEFINITELY more knowledgeable and bigger fans of the franchise than he is!!! (like, friendly reminder but JOEY is the one who's actually insisted upon and gotten book scenes into the show!!! js!!!)

it's just SO fucking annoying how well his propaganda has worked. 🙃

"the witcher 2 i played a little bit of"

"i touched upon witcher 2 for a little bit but not that much"

"i played the witcher 2 a little bit but never played all the way through"

lmao ofc

[selfcontainedinferno]

You don't seem that bad with people

Probably because I'm good at being nice to people! Not always but in general, I like being nice to people and making them happy. Buuuut. I'm really bad at understanding people I guess? The thing is, I'm not good at friendships. Hell, I didn't have any until....sometime in high school, so 3 or 4 years ago? (even once I found a couple people who liked me, I could count them on one hand until this year) Through all 12 years of school I was relentlessly, terribly bullied and hated by like, everyone. And I am not exaggerating when I say that-I can't remember a single person that was even decent to me. (I don't remember much of that time tbf trauma does weird things to your memory) I also had an abusive family so. Thanks to all of that I got very very good at recognizing when someone was angry or upset, and very good at learning the "go away, you're not wanted" cues. Didn't make me very good at recognizing why they were angry, though. And I never got good at talking to people because I never did talk to people. I read my books constantly and wrote my stories and acted (even though everyone in drama hated me) So basically everything was a constant inner monologue-you don't learn to have conversations if you never really do it! So all that is a recipe for a person who talks too much because they don't know what a normal amount is, and their thoughts work a lot faster than most neurotypical people so they talk a lot very fast. I'm doing it right now, whoops. All this is a very very very roundabout way of saying-I'm bad at conversations. I send a lot of texts and don't know when to stop talking because I genuinely don't know how much is a normal amount. That annoys a lot of people, understandably. I also don't think much about what I'm saying, because it all comes out so fast, so I end up saying things wrong or things that upset the other person, and not realizing.

All this is to say-god, please be patient with me. I'm trying. I struggle a lot with normal interaction and relationships. I am gonna fuck it up sometimes, and that is my fault-I'm not making excuses. But it can be hard to know what I did wrong or what upsets someone if I'm not told.

[danieyells]

He mentions being tired once at affinity 14("ゲロねむ" 'dead tired' literally 'vomiting tirer') and sleeping once at affinity 24("俺ちゃんは夜中に寝っから気にしないで" 'I'll sleep in the dead of night, don't worry about it'). 'nemui' could be being emphatically used to indicate exhaustion and "neru" to refer to lying down/going to bed rather than sleeping--of course he said he can't get tired but it could be a mental or physical thing. Even if he has all the energy in the world he might still get worn down mentally or even start aching from standing and working so much, so he's gotta lie down eventually right? He doesn't like being idle but his body and mind surely can't take all the strain of being awake and up all the time, even if he doesn't get tired. It's probably good for him to lie down for a while, even if he can't sleep. Maybe close his eyes and try not to think.

But I think it's just as likely to be that there's some miscommunication between people writing different sections--I've noticed a couple other things that don't add up with voicelines and other parts of the story too i'm pretty sure(the thing that comes to mind most is Jiro throwing up if he consumes fluids unless the PC is holding the bottle for him in his character story--and he says 'that's never been the case before' when he comments on being able to drink with the PC's assistance--but on the home screen saying he's just barely able to ingest water) so like. Home screen stuff is arguably to be taken with a grain of salt. Mostly correct but I'd defer to main story or character stories if there's a conflict of interest(or try and find some balance--maybe Jiro can't swallow water but he can hold it in his mouth and it'll be absorbed? Like when you have to let a pill dissolve/be absorbed under your tongue? I'm not sure how possible that really is with liquids though lmao--)

The thing about him stealing energy is also that it seems to be anything that's alive. . .so like plants would count for example. But it does seem like he would have had to take an OBSCENE amount of life to be that wide awake all the time, right? But it depends on the conversion rate--is life energy directly equivalent to how many years left an entity has left in it naturally? Or how long it's been alive? Or something else entirely? If it's 'how many years you have left' then killing one 20 year old(i.e. if he didn't know he was cursed or what it did and he carelessly touched another student like he normally would) would be approximately 60 years worth of energy. Who knows how many years of energy he got from breaking limbs off of Ed. . . .

Also, in theory, if Darkwick wanted to use his curse before he became a pacifist, who knows how many people or things he killed because of orders?

I do kinda love the idea of him being in Ultio though. . .friendly flirty prison guard rui who goes to clementia to repent because he knows what they do there is so wrong. Or maybe he only started repenting after he got the curse and started accidentally killing and feeling awful about it. . . .

(also it'd make the fact that he sounds like he says 'kawaisou' when you get a victory screen add up like. . .the pacifist beat you and called you pathetic? Sus. Tbf he could be saying 'kawaisou' as in 'pretty cute' but that doesn't really make sense in context)

BUT YEAH i feel like Rui is semi-reliable? Like maybe not for information about himself but he'd be more willing to share information about other things? But like the fact he's in the sus circle with Tohma and Haku makes me question him haha. He'd be hard pressed to admit he's involved with anything concerning, even if he'll openly admit to keeping an eye on people from the shadows. . .if he's up to anything bad it's probably out of desperation you'd think. Like 'they said they'd dedicate more resources to my curse if i complied and i don't believe them but i can't just keep doing nothing' type of deal. Idk idk. Hopefully we find out what his deal is someday. . . .

Rui has been on my mind all morning.

Specifically 3 things.

1) why are his affinity lines inconsistent with what he has told us about himself in the Obscuary chapter (he mentions sleeping I think twice? At least, once. I’d have to read it again). And then the ordeal with his curse and how if affects Ed (but I have a theory on that being however ‘strong’ Ed is in the moment of point of contact).

2) how many people has he accidentally (or even purposefully- because WE DONT KNOW) killed and stollen energy from? He has so much stored up energy that he can’t sleep. Mentioned in Obscuary that he can’t sleep because of the energy he stole from people (which shows plural to me).

3) Which house was he from prior to Obscuary. I do like @danieyells thoughts on it being Dionyosia (or however it’s spelled- it’s too early for me to cross check this shit) but I’m also kinda vibing with him also potentially being from Ultio prior (if only for the dramatic story telling it could bring- which one day I’ll elaborate on further).

Basically

This guy lives rent free in my mind. And I want to know more.

Im sure some could be things lost in translation? Or even inconsistent story telling. Or the information could be because of unreliable narratives (Rui hasn’t been too forthcoming with things with others- considering he kept Lyca in the dark about a mission but ehhh).

Actually, Rui doesn’t strike me as being very reliable for information BECAUSE of that and a few other things that I might post about later when I’m not stuck at work pining over this fictional man who- even if real- would never give me the time of day LMFAOOOO

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: hey Janis: I hope you're alright, like Janis: I am and Janis: yeah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: sorry about that Janis: just Janis: family shit Jimmy: Alright Janis: it's not Jimmy: if any dickhead gets that, it's me Janis: yeah Janis: but Janis: I said I'd try Jimmy: we've both said shit Janis: I meant it though Jimmy: that'll be why you're here now then Janis: trying don't mean I'll always get it right Janis: and will you let me in when I am or Jimmy: you know where the spare 🔑 is Jimmy: and I meant when I said I weren't kicking you out Janis: would it help if I explain or don't it matter Jimmy: would it? Janis: I don't know Janis: maybe Janis: so you know it weren't nothing to do with you or Jimmy: would it help you? Janis: I care about you Jimmy: I care about you Jimmy: stalemate that Janis: It's hard Janis: but this is probably easier than in person Janis: for you too, it's Jimmy: I'll put the kettle on then Janis: you'll wanna Janis: just careful you don't scald yourself with any spittakes Jimmy: I'm not at work and Ian's not gonna comp me Jimmy: 💔🎻😭💸 Janis: no flat whites for him Janis: really like this story and all so jokes on you, sir Jimmy: all black everything for him Jimmy: that's the dress code when you're mourning not being 24 still or at whatever point his #heyday began and ended Janis: definitely several jokes to be made there but I'm not really black enough and you look good so Jimmy: there's been enough #bants Jimmy: it's obvs a mancave for lads lads lads the second you leave Janis: gutted, truly Jimmy: #relatable Janis: ugh Janis: right Janis: what have you heard about my sister, Rio Jimmy: she's fit Janis: is that it? Jimmy: yeah why? Jimmy: like I've heard she's a porn star but I didn't feel the need to do a search Janis: just so I know where to start Janis: so that's her, right Janis: but on top of that she Janis: it'll sound like a joke but it ain't so go with it Janis: married our cousin when she was like 18 Jimmy: hang on, your cousin or your mum's friend's kid who you call your auntie but ain't owt to do with you actually Janis: actual cousin Janis: as in they have the same fucking grandparents Jimmy: how did that come about? Janis: good question Janis: this family is fucked Janis: it's not like they didn't know each other growing up or anything, like they didn't know each other from any fucker Janis: it's Jimmy: I get that, the fucked families bit Janis: yeah Janis: well, that was 5 years ago and they did it basically in secret 'cos yeah, they would've been stopped Janis: hopefully Janis: but now they're deciding they need to renew it and force us all to come Janis: and grace just dropped that in a DM like that was something I knew or would be chill with Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: all round Janis: you're telling me Janis: she didn't know I didn't know apparently but still Janis: it's just so Jimmy: you're not gonna go and play happy families Jimmy: why would you Janis: exactly Janis: but they all will Janis: they always do Janis: they've got kids and that's a whole other tale too Jimmy: together? Janis: one, she has one that ain't his too Janis: surprisingly normal looking Jimmy: is it? Janis: [sends Grace's insta] Janis: boys theirs Jimmy: he don't look like a 🐙 or owt Jimmy: your sister must be fit Jimmy: rumour mill got one 🏆 Janis: they're both obsessed with themselves Janis: still think we could've diluted the DNA tbh Jimmy: 😂 Janis: alright, you can laugh Jimmy: sorry Janis: would if it weren't my family Janis: try to anyway Jimmy: she cheated on him and they're still doing another 💍👰? Janis: that's the other story Janis: she was meant to surrogate for my brother Junior Janis: who you'll have heard fuck all about 'cos he keeps to himself and everyone forgets he exists Janis: but then she didn't wanna give it up and it was stupid anyway 'cos he was fresh into uni and dating a lecturer like that situation needs a child Janis: and her life's such a roaring success she should be giving a hand Jimmy: what? Janis: I'll give you a sec Janis: it's literally the most blatant and stupid way she's wrecked a life, like Jimmy: 💔 Mia ain't told me 'cause I thought we had something 💕 Jimmy: but it's alright, I'll live Janis: who knows what Grace told her Janis: that one might actually be family only 'cos as I said, no one gives a fuck about him Janis: he stays well away now, sensible Jimmy: fucking hell, mate Janis: just the local freakshow Janis: it's neverending, the amount of shit there is like that Jimmy: I'll keep it 🤐 about Ian from now on like Jimmy: you can have 🥇 Janis: nah Janis: not a competition Jimmy: is a bit Jimmy: just 🤏 though Janis: well I don't want him feeling left out Janis: still a 🏆 for being an outright twat Jimmy: he ain't 💀💀💀 yet Jimmy: still time to #flex Janis: him and shaz can make it down the aisle 'fore them Jimmy: she ain't been back 🎻🎻 Jimmy: can't keep a mum me Janis: letdown Janis: really wanna be a bridesmaid but can't on principle Jimmy: no 😭😭😭 in my kitchen Jimmy: we're all 💔 Janis: stay strong, boy Jimmy: alright fine I'll bring my proposal forward so we can get 💍 before them Jimmy: stop begging Janis: it'd be worth pissing off the pope to piss them off harder Jimmy: 💕 taking that as a yeah Janis: go on then Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: brb stealing my dad's 💳 to buy a 💎 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: gold or silver? Janis: it's called white gold, so silver but make it expensive #weirdflex Jimmy: #goalsforever Janis: put that in the vows Jimmy: obvs Jimmy: I'm writing them rn Janis: Thanks Janis: for making me feel better Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: if I can't do that then you'd have nowt to come back for Jimmy: have to hang up my boyfriend 😎 Jimmy: put on my 💔 ones Janis: I wasn't leaving you Jimmy: for now Janis: I won't Jimmy: don't promise owt to me, you've been warned, girl Janis: it's a threat Jimmy: hot Jimmy: alright then Janis: I mean it Jimmy: you don't scare me Jimmy: 😘 me or 💀💀💀 me ain't that the phrase Janis: you can't die right now Jimmy: might do Jimmy: you're really beautiful Janis: you don't know Janis: I'm a state Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that's fake news Janis: shh Jimmy: Alright Grace, put your sister back on Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: it's a good thing you can't see her too tbf Janis: not practical having to hide from you for life when you marry in Jimmy: wait, you're with her? Jimmy: I'll hide the body but bit of warning, babe Janis: ha Janis: yeah Janis: IOU on the rescue she wanted to cash Jimmy: if Mia's there an' all & you don't say hey from me I'll be fuming Janis: she's definitely not Jimmy: have you checked the boot? 👀🍿🔪 Jimmy: folds up like paper, her Janis: wouldn't pit it past her Janis: I'll dry my eyes and get on it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tell Grace she ain't having a tea unless she's 💰💰 Janis: She's taking my spare bed at nans Janis: musical faves atm Jimmy: I won't go throw shit at her window tonight then Jimmy: tah for the head's up Jimmy: soon my dear 💕👵 Janis: subtle Janis: find somewhere else to kip, it's alright, like Jimmy: no Janis: 💕 Jimmy: I mean it, don't Janis: okay Janis: if you'll have me Jimmy: I want you Janis: I love you Jimmy: do you? Janis: I said it like Jimmy: yeah but Janis: you can pretend I didn't Jimmy: we don't do that it's like the only rule Janis: if you need a free pass then take it Jimmy: I'm not saying I do Jimmy: just Jimmy: It's nowt I ain't heard before and Jimmy: for what? Janis: what do you mean? Jimmy: she said it and she still went Jimmy: my mum Janis: it's okay, it doesn't have to mean anything Janis: I already didn't promise you, yeah Jimmy: it's not Janis: no Janis: it's not Janis: but Janis: I don't know Jimmy: why couldn't she just Jimmy: why did he have to be so Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: it's bullshit Janis: and it's unfair Jimmy: you know that I Jimmy: so important you Jimmy: Alright? Janis: I know Janis: it's all good Janis: isn't it Jimmy: Yeah Janis: I'm sorry everythings shit Jimmy: not everything is Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: I like you too Janis: you're about all I do like Janis: no pressure Jimmy: is that what you wanted it to mean? Jimmy: when you said Janis: I meant Janis: that I give a shit about you and I think you're funny and nice and fit and I wanna be around you Janis: and I don't wanna fuck you over Jimmy: then I love you too Janis: yeah? Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: allright Janis: I'll come in then Jimmy: were you waiting for me to say it before you got off the doorstep or what? Janis: not exactly Jimmy: [is at the door like oh hey] Janis: [the most dramatic hug flinging yourself at him like it's been 84 years 'cos lowkey] Jimmy: [we're never letting go bitch thank god its april and not the dead of winter] Janis: [you need all the moments so deal] Jimmy: [has he ever held onto anyone this tightly, no he has not] Janis: [the casual state she is godbless] Jimmy: [when you still look more beautiful than anyone ever probably] Janis: [rude] Jimmy: [this is why Grace hates you girl but pop off] Janis: [when you say it out loud but really quiet] Jimmy: [just really snuggling into her like we're not all dying okay bye] Janis: [just saying how she's gonna stay and how scary it was and not making a whole load of sense 'cos didn't even get to that bit honey] Jimmy: [all the comforting touches ever because now isn't the moment to be like um what but we'll get to it] Janis: [too much to try and be reasonable and logical rn 'is everyone asleep?'] Jimmy: [nodding because you can't trust yourself to speak rn because if you start what are you even gonna say like] Janis: [just like yes good 'cos we don't need to be starting any more scenes do we 'this was not how I planned any of this going'] Jimmy: [especially not with Ian cos at least cali wouldn't give you a slap 'bit shit at plans, us'] Janis: [nods and does a little lol like 'understatement'] Jimmy: [just sitting on the step so you can 🚬 cos so needed but pulling her into your lap cos you don't wanna let go still] Janis: [could be worse, could be meth] Jimmy: [true facts] Janis: [now everyone calm] Jimmy: [take all the moments you can to be soft] Janis: [just got no business being this close and smoking but at least you both are so it's fine] Jimmy: [I'd die literally] Janis: [my poor boo can't speak 'cos she can't breathe] Jimmy: [don't like set anything on fire either tbh] Janis: [lmao not a mood] Jimmy: [that'd be next level drama] Janis: [winnie drama] Jimmy: [that silly old bear] Janis: ['is my tea going cold?'] Jimmy: [lols because he's obvs not made it yet because #distracted we've all been there boy just put the kettle on and get no further like] Jimmy: [but puts his hand out like help me up so they can go inside] Janis: [does but pulls him towards her first and is just looking like !!?! all the emotions] Jimmy: [says 'what' in the softest way literally ever] Janis: [just gonna kiss him but so soft 'cos you're unsure but also don't know where to begin with anything] Jimmy: [all the soft kisses and comfort ever because he's never seen her like this before so he's like must not say or do the wrong thing] Janis: [have a brew lads] Jimmy: [fixes everything so actually go and make it boy give her chance to work out how she's gonna do this like] Janis: [makes me lol but also sad like there's so much you gotta explain before you can get to the now] Jimmy: [literally like no wonder Grace don't wanna see a therapist how exhausting] Janis: when did your mum go Jimmy: does it matter? Jimmy: she's not gonna show up here tonight Jimmy: you're alright Janis: obviously Janis: just thinking Jimmy: what? Jimmy: we've got enough milk to see us through if that's what she went for Janis: doesn't matter Jimmy: go on Janis: if it was about the same time Janis: as my sister Janis: Bobby is 6, yeah Jimmy: She didn't leave him in the hospital or owt like that Jimmy: let him get to nursery age, like Janis: that's something Jimmy: might've been better Jimmy: wouldn't remember her then Janis: does he Janis: remember, like Jimmy: a bit Janis: yeah Janis: Grace said he asked if she had a mum Janis: at the fair Jimmy: he's always doing that Jimmy: tries to go home with kids if he likes the look of theirs an' all Janis: fair Jimmy: 💔 I can't get away with it, me Janis: you probably could Janis: some of them have very unsatisfying marriages, babe Jimmy: just trying to get a tea I don't have to cook myself, babe Jimmy: but tah Janis: don't get nothing in this life for free Janis: soz Jimmy: alright, rich girl Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you're taking forever Janis: am I getting a biscuit too, like Jimmy: ruin the surprise Janis: I can pretend Jimmy: you're not that good of an actress Janis: rude Jimmy: only if that's your back up career Jimmy: and you'd have to get well fed up of the modelling first Jimmy: unlikely love the 📷 you Janis: now I'm an attention seeker Janis: charming Janis: and the 📷 loves me, tah Jimmy: nah just a 🥇 muse Jimmy: so supportive of my talents you Janis: you are good Janis: no lie Jimmy: [brings in the tea and a mug cake he has made for her to be comforting cos cute nerd] Janis: [what a sweet boy] Jimmy: [when that's about the extent of your cooking ability bless him] Janis: ['you're so-' does 🙏 hands to show 😇] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [she sits she sips] Jimmy: [likewise just drinking that tea] Janis: [just shrugging 'cos gotta be blase like this is so casual and matter of fact okay 'my sister did run away, like, but then she had a car crash so, dead now'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ???!! cos what can you even say 'shit, sorry' so awks] Janis: ['was four years ago so it's whatever'] Jimmy: ['did she leave 'cause of all that bollocks with your sister and cousin?'] Janis: ['partially but Janis: 'partially but-' sighs 'she was fucked up because she weren't my dads, third kid in and white, not an easy time'] Jimmy: [just looking at her cos even if you have heard that rumour you'd have thought it was too ridiculous to be true] Janis: [nods like yeah, I know] Jimmy: ['I get why you don't wanna be here, it were like that for us before we moved an' all' a shrug too because obvs also so casual for you] Janis: ['people must've had a field day' sympathetic look 'probably why I said yeah, to the plan, why I give a shit what people say still' shakes her head 'stupid but'] Jimmy: [when you're just having a moment remembering what it was like and you have to shake yourself out of it cos not about you rn 'people are twats, no dickhead but Ian's loving that kind of attention' gives her a look like you're not stupid] Janis: [giving him a nudge like sorry but not wanting to say it 'cos what use is it] Jimmy: [giving her one back as a shameless excuse to then just lean into her shoulder with his for an age like it's not a hug it's so casual bye] Janis: [leaning into it too, which is good 'cos voice is strained now 'cos emotions 'but she thought it was fucked up too, what they're doing, what they all do, she got it, you know'] Jimmy: [nodding cos he agrees that it is fucked up and is also having many emotions but eye contact anyway because wants her to know he gets it and is not going anywhere even though he doesn't know what to do or say about any of this really] Janis: [maintaining even though you'd be trying really hard not to cry for a hot sec there before being so meh it's chill again 'cos easier lbr 'know this is a lot but otherwise you'll just think I'm even weirder, yeah'] Jimmy: [touching her hair for literally no reason like is it even in the way, probably not 'everyone's got something that makes them weird, but you're alright an' all, got loads more shit going for you that counts towards that'] Janis: ['I don't wanna mess this up' and then going in on a kiss 'cos that'll fix this] Jimmy: [letting it happen even though you probably shouldn't because you just wanna make her feel better and also don't want her to think you think she's weird/you don't want her anymore when you obvs love her] Janis: [will stop at a kiss 'cos it'd be clear he weren't into it like per and we don't need that to be a thing for either of you] Jimmy: ['I ain't gonna let you mess this up if you don't let me either' holds his hand out like shake on it with me cos nerd] Janis: [is like 😏 really? but does] Jimmy: [then draws a heart on her with his fingertip like he did at Cali's but on her palm this time after the handshake] Janis: ['you really are the biggest nerd though' but 😍] Jimmy: ['piss off' but a little genuine smile] Janis: ['still like you anyway'] Jimmy: [😏 a look like yeah? and a IRL 👍 because committed to being a nerd now] Janis: ['don't push it, mate'] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her but really soft] Janis: [playfight forever] Jimmy: [just 😍 the whole time like] Janis: ['you really are so'] Jimmy: ['I like you so much'] Janis: [nods 'cos words are risky] Jimmy: ['I- I love you so much'] Janis: ['I love you too, Jimmy'] Jimmy: [gotta just hide your face in a snuggle because dying]

[lloydaesthetic]

I wanna write a research paper on lactose intolerance becuz my gf thinks I’m lying