#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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people hate lesbians. PEOPLE HATE LESBIANS!!!
#i hate hate hate hate HATE#and i don't buy that all of these ppl are only upset bc goldstar lesbians 'brag' about never having slept with a man#(they're probably not even 'bragging' and are just being projected onto)#but i genuinely think ppl are uncomfortable at the prospect of a lesbian knowing she's a lesbian from a young age#and choosing to never sleep with a man#this is obviously not to say 'late bloomer lesbians' aren't 'valid' or whatever#but the reality is most of these girlies calling themselves lesbians... are not#ESPECIALLY when i see shit going around like#'well the lesbian masterdoc said that if i'm only attracted to male CELEBRITIES it doesn't count because they're unattainable 😌'#like bestie if anything doesn't that mean you AREN'T a lesbian?#it's common for OSA women to 'let' themselves be more openly attracted to men they'll never meet irl#not being instantly attracted to men you see walking around irl is very common for OSA ppl because most know what men are like lmao#anyways tangent but goldstar lesbians get behind me#lesbian#lesbophobia#radsplain.txt
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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roleplay idea: barton's trying to say this BS that he's 'good at processing grief' when your muse was a witness to the absolute rage-filled and deranged rampage that barton went on after julien was killed by the joker in which he brutally hurt all but one of his henchmen (he killed the last one because he told him he was 'crazy' and that he 'better kill him, or he was going to tell his boss that barton had been there' and he literally just snapped, went 'you know what, i think i will kill you AND also let the joker know i killed you so he knows to never come near my family again' then killed him. like HUHHH?) at the time with your muse being like this
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#yeahhh 💀 man i wish i was joking about this you all but he really did put like three men in the hospital and killed one of them so...#he is NOT good at processing grief at all SKSKS and yeah the fact that they chose to ally themselves with the joker probably does say-#something about their own character but i don't condone violence or murder so it's still wrong even if they were... terrible 🫠#no but barton was honestly looking for someone else to blame besides himself for julien's death so he basically went to all of these-#henchmen and grilled them + asked them all whether they knew anything about how the joker was planning to kill his son#anddd when they all answered him with a 'no' was when thing's uhhh. Got violent 😬 like just imagine being one of barton's kids-#and mourning the loss of your brother in a normal albeit sad way on your own but then barton comes back home covered in blood-#+ it's obviously not his... like i don't even know if i'd want to ask him what the hell he just did because while barton is in mourning-#or grieving you do NOT want to be near him if you are the one that caused the death in question because you will get your-#shit rocked let me tell you ☠️ like the only reason why barton didn't kill the joker himself is BC he knew that that would attract-#batman's ire like nothing else and he does NOT want that smoke as much as barton hates him LMAO but DC muses... just to let you know-#or really any type of muse that interacts with him but those who are close to him in particular i would not touch a hair on any of his#family members head unless you want to have someone after you + i swear i'm not saying that to be edgy or anything BC ever since i#first mentioned that barton is always this 🤏 close to going off of the deep end even more than he already is i was not joking at all ASDFGH#tw: mentions of violence#tw: mentions of murder#tw: mentions of child death
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so uh
#a sock speaks#I think I might actually experience attraction to men? not as definitively as to women but sometimes#I think I was compartmentalizing things for quite a while#bc I didn't feel okay to have a relationship with a woman#and if I wasn't willing to have a relationship with a woman then it felt weird/wrong somehow to#allow myself to be with a man?#it felt like a betrayal somehow. I felt like I'd be judged or punished for it. or even if not that I'd be doing something wrong.#in retrospect this was the OCD talking#I don't really consider myself side b in the same way anymore. I don't know that I'd enter a relationship#but largely that's because I have anxiety about intimacy and issues with self worth 👍#but I've realized that I can't always tell the difference between shame over wrongdoing and fear of how others will react to me#and fear is not worth a life choice of that scale. but love is#and honestly. I'm acearo spec. I'm not likely to have a conventional relationship. for the present I'm still not planning on a relationship#I've wondered if maybe I have a celibate vocation. which is still possible even with all of this [gestures vaguely]#idk. for now I'm using the word queer to describe myself. it's comfortably open ended.#but also I was too afraid that dating/marrying a man would place me into a power structure I could never escape#and now I think maybe I don't have to be as afraid of that#now the awkward thing would be to let friends/family know without making them think I'm ex-gay 💀
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Gotta be honest the constant objectification of women's bodies is a bit tiring sometimes.
#catgirltxt#'naked female torso (conventionally attractive)' is a common decoration for some reason#shittons of songs that treat sex with women as purely status building for men#i think the worst part is that as a woman you're expected to buy into it too#and not just buy into it but participate in it#to be chill or whatever you have to create a gap between you and other women#you have to instead align yourself with men and abandon any female solidarity#don't get me wrong i'm a tranny i know full well that female solidarity is a sick joke#but like goddamn i don't want to live in a world where a prime way of gaining respect from men is to engage in this shit#if you object to it all you're treated like you're an overreactive hysterical idiot#and if you just don't participate you're treated as boring#this type of shit is especially prevalent in male dominated areas but it exists just about everywhere#almost the only places it doesn't is spaces that just don't discuss sex at all and those spaces for the most part suck#just about the only people i've seen even mention this on tumblr dot hell are radfems! hardly anyone else!#we need a feminist movement again so bad
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"reblog for something lgbt to happen to you" at this point i'd be grateful if something straight happened to me
#bluebird.txt#i'd love to stop feeling like an unlikeable freak!!!#i get it i'm gay i look at least like a lesbian and at queerest as Some Thing I'm Not Sure How to Gender#but like. damn bro!#not even anyone? at all?#first of all i get no attention from girls and there's barely any thems (and im friends with most of the thems)#secondly not that i want the attention of cishet men but as i said before i'll take fucking anything to feel something#the most i get from cishet men has been laughing when i run because im late to class or a concert#like okay wow you find someone just running funny? i pity your entire brain#i think im just bored#its not like i understand romantic stuff any more really#i understand it on a logical level i think#but tell me why when i find a girl i have a huge crush on the SECOND i just need out platonically with someone else#the girl evaporates from my brain#and when i make the attempt to put myself out there and be like hey wanna go on a date?#all will to actually go on the date also evaporates?#she hasn't answered and that's an answer so im like alright even if you texted me late i actually do not care if i never see you again#not in a malicious way!!! just in a very bland you have not made a meaningful impact on my life way even though you seem cool!#which doesn't sound much better but trust me i mean these factually objectively not personally meanly#i have other friends mostly cis friends who have gotten guys after them and as much as like most of those guys are at best#a little annoying and at worst sort of creeps#like. THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME EITHER!!!#when i walk alone on campus esp when it's dark i do worry about assault and rape and stuff#but that's just the statistics and stuff#i know i'm not immune but in a weird way not being liked by anyone at all gives me reassurance that well#at least i'll probably never be assaulted at least not any time soon bc no one's ever looked at this (me) and had any kinds of#attracted thoughts#though that's definitely a false sense of security#after all someone could decide they hate transgenders and gender ambiguous people and assault me of course that could always happen!#i don't think it's likely to but. you never know!
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I think that it's really sad how lesbians really have no role models in Hollywood or in the music industry to look up to, it's even worse because like I said before every since the entire gay community was labeled as queer straight people have starting opting into our community. I think that the reason why everything is so fucked up is because straight women started calling themselves bi, and bi women realized this and started calling themselves lesbians to overcompensate for the attraction that straight women in their communities had erased. Which is why so many famous "lesbians" are actually bi (chapel ranch, renee rapp, kehlani) and it doesn't help that they're spreading this harmful rhetoric of being lesbian "now" as if they decided to dedicate the first half of their career to men they dated for years or get pregnant by a man and *then* decide to become a lesbian, and parading these facts about publically only further making it seem like lesbians have to fight our non-existant attraction to men or are only lesbians because we don't want to date men. Pretty much all the famous out gay women are bi. If you had told middle school me that so many women were publically talking about their attraction to other women, I would've been overjoyed, but as I said earlier, not only are most of them bi but they spread harm to lesbians. The last popular lesbian celebrity I know is Haley Kiyoko and people always made fun of her when at the time, and even now she's basically the only out lesbian in the industry. And it's clear that the only reason why she gets made fun of is because she is kind of a GNC lesbian.
#the pyre#I find myself being less attracted to feminine women bc usually they carry with them some sort of insecurity that hard to put up with#not even just bi women some rly fem lesbians act like this too like the other day I saw this vid on tiktok of the lesbian complaining bc sh#dresses rly fem and men think that she's doing that for them instead of reading her mind like all these#“I hate how strangers can't immedietly guess my identity!1!” dumbasses on tiktok complain about and realizing that she's actually a lesbian#and I found her video dubious and annoying I think that GNC and butch lesbians don't rly carry this type of insecurity#bc they know that being a GNC woman in public ppls minds are automatically going to go to lesbian#and have learned to not care about ppls perception of them which is sm fem lesbians have not#I don't rly align with the butch or femme labels bc I'm just doing me but I think that I def dress more femme than butch#but like a lot of radfems I don't wear makeup or shave or perform as overly feminine so I feel like I relate to GNC lesbians more anyway#in the future I want a wife who can go outside without spending hours on end doing her hair or makeup to feel presentable
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What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?
It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.
It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.
Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.
Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?
- [ ]
I'm a furry blog, not a queer epistemologist.
#you get my take in the tags#the only social factor at play is whether or not your society wants to kill you for being different#i am personally not a label person because it just confines people to boxes#however other people feel more comfortable with themselves having a name for their experience#i'm not able to provide a sociological answer to the WHY men are attracted to men just as much as why men are attracted to women#the argument is bioessentialism which fully disregards human personality and choice#I can only offer my personal reasons why but even then I refuse to unless you pay me for it because I'm broke and this is unprovoked#thats my purse i don't know you levels here#i don't owe you anything as an explanation because I don't know who you are#i'm just trying to be funny on the internet to cope with all the shit that's making me lose my hair
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"disappointment" is when you show a drawing of the main male character of the book you're writing to your mother and she says he's "kinda ugly" as if he had the responsability of being handsome for being the Main Male Character (tm)
#mom it's Tadeu we're talking about#after everything i told you about Tadeu do you really think he'd be Tipically Handsome (tm)?#also this is weird bc some people might actually think he's attractive bc beauty is relative#i personally don't imagine him as a dude i'd simp for#even then what if my book gets a series (lol) and the actor who plays him is handsome while still being perfect for he role??? what if???#actually if you look at his board on my pinterest you will see the dudes i put there that remind me of him#are actually very cute in my view and they still look like Tadeu even if Tadeu's not “that cute” for me#so who knows dude??? what even is beauty??? why do people need to be “beautiful”????#i think my mom forgot who's her child lmao#i LOVE taking everything that society made typical and popular and putting my own twist on it#and funnily she knows about this#like come on it's a book about time travel and no one time travels on it lol#the main character is a girl that has a boy best friend and they don't fall in love with each other#the old lady who serves as a mentor in a literary sense is actually an angry bitch and not your typical Wise Mentor (tm) like Gandalf#while other books' mentors are saying philosofical shit about life the mentor of my book is holding herself to punch the charas on the face#but really why do people need to be beautiful? can't we just BE people???#also just bc i like men that doesn't mean all my male characters are supposed to be attractive to me#to me my characters are my children not my boyfriends#UUUUUGH MOM WHY MOM#I'M SO ANGRY LOL RESPECT MY SON TADEU HE DESERVES THE WORLD#LEAVE HIM AND HIS UGLY HAIRSTYLE IN PEACE#tio morcego tá pistola
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oh, I see. it's one of those nights.
#going insane going insane going insane#too many men in my head and they're all the same guy but not but#uhgghh I need to stop looking at him but I can't and he's so beautiful and I'm so unbelievably stupid#no thoughts in my head just him#and him and him#the three of them#stupid idiot guys with their same stupid pretty face and uggh I hate them#and by hate I mean want oh my god I want them so bad I'm losing my mind#other people are beautiful too! why can't I be normal about this?? why does this need to happen#just. be like. oh hey he's hot I'd fuck him. and move on. like a normal person#nooo it's got to be literal months of me getting increasingly stupid until there's nothing left of my brain because it's all been replaced#by tiny versions of him#it's literally FINE.#people are attracted to people literally all the fukcing time why can't I be normal about this oh my god this is so humiliating#BUT I can't keep it in my mind or my head will explode and for some reason that would be bad. apparently.#AND why can't I just think he's hot??? WHY does it have to become my entire personality?? what do I like? oh him of course. no like what are#my hobbies? oh looking at him and painting him and thinking about him. NO besides that - umm there IS nothing besides that actually?? I've#never had an interest in my life and I don't even know what you mean 🙄 I sit here and think about a man (now it's three of them but#whatever)#what else would there be 🙄🙄🙄🙄 ridiculous.#ugh why can't I just be really fully completely ace? this is so unnecessary I don't want it it's horrible 😫#except it's not its the best it's fucking incredible because I think about his face and it's like I'm seeing everything and it all makes#sense finally and why would anything else ever matter again#oh my GOD dude if I could hear myself right now. I'd be so embarrassed. but I can't because there's just a billion tiny eliots and alexes#and jacobs in my head and that's all there is#man maybe I should start doing drugs or start drinking again#okay whatever *goes back to watching the librarians and giggling like a maniac every time I see him*#ugh he's wearing a cute jacket and I need to hug him so bad oh my god it's killing meee. soft soft soft. must touch. ugggh
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So I'm signed up for this online 30's speed dating event for WLW and sapphics right?
Here's the thing: It looks like they aren't even bothering to regulate it at all because I see tons of people who aren't in their 30s and even some men are listed in the people who are signed up for the event.
What's even the point of a specific event for 30 something WLW if just anyone can join it? :/
#As a 30 year old I'm not interested in 18/19 year olds and yet a bunch of them are signed up for a event for women in their 30s???#any one who is in their 30s and wants to date teenagers is a total creep#I hope they realize that because I don't think they do#18 and 19 year olds look like children to me now#if you promise an event for women in their 30s please actually deliver it :(#If I'm using a site that's for women loving women- men shouldn't be allowed? I'm not looking for a man!#now I see why the lesbians and other sapphics get angry#I'm debating whether or not this is even worth my time because I'm not confident that it will be run well at all#so many people failed to understand the prompt or purposely don't care#they are either too young or the wrong gender- if you're not a woman in her 30s it's not for you?#If a woman is in her late 20s that's different but it was a bunch of people under 25#dating is inherently exclusive- most people aren't attracted to everyone else???#A lot of people fail to realize you CAN be pro equality and still not want to date most other people- it IS possible#Now selfish people are going to ruin something that isn't even for them :/#I am the target audience for this event and they are making me not want to participate#I'm 30 and sapphic- questioning whether bi or lesbian but I belong there#Should I be surprised? I really don't know what to think honestly#I'm a little angry that they don't seem to care who attends because I paid for a ticket- not too much but still?#mychatter
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like my url was lesbianacemcshane for weeks i think anyone reblogging posts from me on the regular is. well aware of how i feel.
#I ALSO DON'T FUCKING CARE#ACE CAN BE BI LIKE. I DON'T CARE#actually i'm going to be even more problematic by saying this but i do notttt think the distinction between bi and lesbian is as discrete#as people make it out to be#like i have enough shared experiences with my bi wlw friends you know#and like. feelings and gender are way more complicated than people like. want them to be#anyway the real hill i'll die on is that it was still lesbophobic for her and tegan to both express attraction to men and not mention women#when they're both well-known for being wlw coded in classic who#in the same episode where they literally did not mention thasmin at all despite having spent two episodes teasing it#like ace flirting with graham would've been. well. out of character but fine. if tegan had mentioned being married to nyssa.#or if we had gotten a thasmin kiss#also ace should've flirted with jack. like. i don't care if she's lesbian or bi we were robbed of the ace and jack flirting#doesn't have to be serious i just want to see it#anyway. really really on the brink of making my own callout post
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.
#gods I'm tired as fuck to be always stuck in the same place#I don't want to talk with men I couldn't care less#I want to talk with women amd specifically queer women and I want them to like me for fuck's sake#maybe even find me attractive idk just a thought throwing it out there. but finding me interesting would be a start!#I mean cis straight men because I'm seeing too many and they stress me out but I also very much want to sleep with a woman#the first tag is unrelated to all the others#personal#tbd#the annoying thing is that I don't even want to **** myself fr so even if I say it I know I'm lying. takes the pleasure out of it
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Diego to Lila: I'm the daddy here
Me: Yes, yes you are
#ah#a normal name#I USUALLY DON'T SIMP THIS HARD BUT LOOK AT HIM GO#i realized he's physique looks cey familiar#ik he's supposed to be Mexican#bur I don't think people realize how much mexicans look like portuguese people#Diego looks like a mix of all (pt)guys I've ever found attractive#some people say PT/SP/IT/FR/RO/etc folks aren't latinos because we sre white#I don't think people realize that we can't literally tell each other apart#i remember whenever there was a latino actor i would be like because they made me feel home#i think the only reason I even think about all the labels on races and ethnicities is because of the internet#i knew my biracial friend my whole life and only know it finally hit me she's technically not white#all this time I always saw her as a very tan girl and I wanted go be like her#idk why I'm writing this#but basically diego is hot because he's the standard for all latino men periodt#netflix#netflix series#the umbrella academy#*very *now
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my mother is absolutely convinced of some nonsense conspiracy theory that (in her words) "originally humanity lived in peaceful all-woman societies of goddess worshippers who took care of eachother and lived in harmony, while males were roving loners that had no society and never cooperated. that changed when the men banded together and overthrew the peaceful woman-dominated societies, and enslaved us all." and, according to her, this is proof that a woman-dominated world would be innately more peaceful, and that men are innately violent and evil and should be either barred from holding any legal power or leadership roles or at least should be (again in her words) "gelded like bulls" to remove their testosterone before even being considered for such a thing.
she also evidently believes that the problem with all religions today is primarily that they aren't "goddess worshippers", because she seems to think goddess religions are inherently peaceful and pure too and seems to be especially obsessed with "Isis" in particular. the very very few times she's openly considered it unambiguously bad for some population or another to have been exterminated (she's got a bad case of devil's advocating genocide brain), she's gone out of her way to make up some crap about how said people were a peaceful society of goddess-worshippers, almost always of isis. delusions of isis-worship seem to be the only thing that ever causes her to consider any arab or middle-eastern culture, society, or ethnicity to be relatively uncomplicatedly undeserving of extermination, in fact, because every fucking time she doesn't immediately start devils-advocating it and making remarks about how "the rest of the world should box them in and let them blow eachother up" it's when she's whinging on about how whatever specific micro-ethnicity she's thinking about are or were traditional persecuted isis-worshippers.
the sole major exception to her weird fixation on isis worship justifying worthiness of life is the whole israel thing going on, in which she has consistently made very obvious that literally the only reason she's against the genocide of palestine is because it gives her an excuse to even more openly hate jewish people than she already did. and honestly i'm not sure even that's true because i think she's made some offhand remarks about palestinians having probably been peaceful isis worshipers before the jews infected them with christianity or something anyway.
so for the last, however fucking long it's been i've been constantly having to listen to her go off about how this behavior is in the jew's blood or whatever and that they literally invented all genocide because somehow the concept didn't exist before them and wouldn't have ever been invented by the rest of humanity without those jewish aliens dropping it in i fucking guess apparently and she furthermore goes on about how every single genocide and mass-oppression movement in history is directly inspired by them, ESPECIALLY the nazis, and THEN i have to listen to her rant about how, basically, wwii was something they entirely brought on themselves by "dominating the economy and treating everyone not them like shit" and the nazis were just "using their own tactics back at them". and then she goes on a rant about how the people the original jews exterminated back in the day (aka the first ever genocide, which they invented, because jews invented genocide and hate according to her) in the middle east region were peaceful matriarchal isis-worshipers.
and then she starts making comments about arabs being backwards and palestinians either being mysogynist muslims that should be boxed in to blow eachother up with everyone else or secret peaceful isis worshippers corrupted by men's cruel hand, sometimes in the same sentence, entirely dependent on which group she's more in the mood to hate at the time.
it's exhausting. beyond exhausting. her sole purpose in existence seems to be to have the singularly most exhausting set of politics physically possible to fit into one person.
just, sometimes i think, if there really is anything at all to the incredibly stupid and inexplicably popular idea that anyone or anything has a Purpose tm to exist for, i feel like my mother's purpose is to be walking proof to me of a Type Of Guy That Is Real, cause i sure as fuck would have trouble inventing this mess if it wasn't standing right in front of me spewing confusingly bipartisan hate. all of her thoughts and opinions are these long winding nonsense chains that feel like if that man carrying thing sketch about the friend with confusing politics was a person. on meth.
#and sometimes i feel like she just believes whatever will allow her to hate and feel innately superior to the most people#the fact that this woman considers herself a leftist#... well. given what this country just voted for it looks unfortunately likely that she IS in fact a fairly average example of a leftist#and therefore i have zero remaining hope for or particular desire to save humanity#actually it kind of feels like the only reason she really aligns herself with “the left” is because she's a female supremacist#and the left is the closest thing to a movement in that direction compared to the only current alternate party's “lets undo women's rights”#and also she inexplicably hates trump despite constantly devils-advocating for him and how he “has some good ideas”#and yes she does specifically mean about immigrants and the wall. one of her staunchest positions is pro-closed borders#honesty if trump was a woman and not a misogynist sex pest i think she would like him a lot. even despite his blatant ignorance of economic#she's also a big “anti-wokeist” type and we can barely watch any movies anymore without her whining about there being black people in them#and then she's like “PEOPLE ONLY DON'T WANT TO WATCH MOVIES WITH ME BECAUSE MY THEORIES ARE ALWAYS RIGHT AND THEY'RE JEALOUS OF HOW SMART”#she's nominally anti-corporation but in practice tends to come down on their side and is also staunchly against student loan forgiveness#because she thinks that “anyone who's stupid enough to do that deserves it”#and “it would be a slap in the face to ME and everyone else that had to pay”#and “kids these days don't want to develop healthy financial habits so they can SAVE for things. i SAVED for it and i know how HARD it is”#the way she often talks i also increasingly feel like the only actual reason she hates christianity is because she's a female supremacist#especially since she regularly goes on about biblical things as if they're real and complains that god either must be a woman#because “only women can create”#or that god CLEARLY is a man because he's destructive and evil and Destruction is a Man Thing That All Men And Only Men Innately Do#and likes to talk about how “jesus said he would come back as the least of us so he would be a woman”#and then goes on to describe a woman that sounds suspiciously like her. or at least her perception of herself#she's also said that if she wasn't straight she would be a political lesbian by choice because she hates men so much#and has tried repeatedly to bitch at me about men in an “eyyy amirite sister” kind of way#and got mad when i didn't fancy the idea of sitting there joking with her about half the species being barely-sentient cancer nodes#but she ALSO identifies as sapiosexual despite having the most vanilla housewife smut book taste ever#but ALSO she considers every single other sexuality aside from straight and gay to be made up woke mental illness nonsense!#so according to her the only orientations are “normal”. gay. and sapiosexual. and SOMETIMES bi (but no pan or poly).#i'm fairly sure she's convinced asexuality isn't real and is just repression. she certainly acts like i never said anything every time.#unless she's explosively yelling at me for “always bringing it up” when i tell her to stop making jokes about me being attracted to things#and she thinks anything other than monogamy is “selfish” and “exists only for men to abuse women”. especially muslim and arab men.
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