#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.
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Roommate's Dad
During my junior year of college, one of my roommate's dads was visiting for Dad's weekend. Since my dad couldn't make it this year, it was just a normal weekend for me. I had plans to get drunk and head downtown with some of my sorority sisters. As I finished getting dolled up and getting ready, my roommate and her dad had just gotten back from dinner, and he was dropping her off before heading back downtown to his hotel. Hearing that I was also headed that way, he kindly offered to give me a ride instead of grabbing an Uber.
Overall her dad was a pretty attractive guy. He was in his early 50s with your classic Dad bod and short facial hair. We chatted casually about his daughter and college during the ride, but as we approached downtown, I started to wonder if I should have some fun with the situation. Odds were that I would end up with a guy from the club that evening so why not try something new? It also helped that I was already pretty drunk at this point from pregaming... Seeing his hotel ahead, I turned to him and asked, "Do you want to take me to your hotel room?" Now, this wasn't a fair question given what I was wearing, and without a word he pulled into the hotel parking lot.
We got out of his car and he led me to his room in silence. If anyone saw us walking together, they probably thought I was a prostitute; some fit college girl young enough to be this man's daughter dressed in high heels and a short fuck-me skirt.
Upon entering his room, I walked straight to the bed. I pulled up my short skirt, bent over the bed, and looked back at him with my best fuck-me eyes. He called me a naughty girl and then walked over to the bed, grabbed my ass and pushed me down onto my stomach before he started devouring my pussy from behind. His facial hair felt so good rubbing against my skin as his tongue flickered around my clit. I knew immediately that I had made the right decision.
Once he made me cum all over his face, we both paused to take off the rest of our clothes. He stood there at the edge of the bed with his hard cock just inches in front of my face while I kneeled on all fours looking up at him. I asked him what his wife would think of him fucking his daughter's friend. Taking his big daddy cock in his hand, he slapped it against my face before shoving it in my little mouth without uttering a response. He proceeded to grab my hair and fuck my little mouth.
Once he was satisfied, he pulled my mouth off his cock and laid down on the bed. I proceeded to suck his cock some more before climbing on top of him. He grabbed my tight college ass in his hands and bounced me on his cock. I don't know what it is about older men, but they always make you cum so hard. I proceeded to ask him how my tight body compared to his wife's while he fucked me from below. He remained nearly silent the whole time which only made me tease him more and more.
After riding him for a while, he pushed me off his cock and leaned me against the head board. He proceeded to grab me by the hips and pound my little ass from behind. At this point I had cum more times than I could count. Turning back to look at him, I asked him if he liked fucking his daughter's best friend. Finally getting through to him, he grabbed me by the neck and pushed my head down into the pillows. His whole body weight slapping against my ass while I moaned like a whore. I'm sure all of the neighbors could have heard my screams.
Thoroughly exhausted from the sheer number of orgasms, I could tell that he was getting close. Looking back at him with my big blue eyes, I told him, "Cum on my face, daddy," He pulled out and let out a moan as he came all over my pretty little face.
After cleaning myself up in the bathroom, I got dressed and walked over to the club where my sorority sisters were sure to be waiting. On my way out the door, I turned back to him and said, "Thanks Mr. XXX! Can't wait until the next time you visit."
That was the only time anything happened between us unfortunately... The next time that I got to see him was at graduation when both he and his wife visited. I made sure to remind him how great it was to meet him during Dad's weekend right in front of her. Fortunately, neither his wife or daughter ever found out and that night
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Void Runners Pt. 3
pairings: Deadpool x Wolverine x teen!reader
warnings: heavy Deadpool and Wolverine spoilers, crude humor, violence, swearing
summary: Since being saved by Wade after your encounter with Cassandra, Logan makes you lead the way in the wasteland in hopes you know where they are.
Part 1 / Part 2
a/n: Per-chance I may have disappeared but that doesn't mean I won't finish this story, sorry for being gone so long, please forgive me with this 2000 word update! Enjoy the long awaited part 3
Currently the three of you were all walking through a grassy field, Wade was annoying Logan like usual as you walked in front of them—to be completely honest you were exactly sure where you were going but you knew you’d get there.
It was like the blind leading the blind but they didn't know that.
As they continued to discuss whatever...dumb things Wade could produce, a loud bark rang in the distance, seemingly catching everyone's attention.
You looked forward, as a strange little dog began to run into view. It was ugly, in an oddly cute way, it's tongue jumping up and down with each step it took.
Logan had a disgusted look on his face, while Wade seemed star struck. Wade began to take his mask off, his mouth agape; as the dog got closer the man fell to his knees, and opened his arms, letting the creature jump up on him and lick his face.
"Look at you!" Wade exclaimed, clearly excited, "She's coming with us,"
"No she's not," The man in yellow protested, obviously not wanting the extra company.
While they bickered you took the opportunity to get a closer look at the dog, it made a strange noise as you did. Although you could tell it enjoyed the affection it was being given.
"Sorry, sorry about that girl!" A voice rang, the group turning to look, saw a, what seemed to be more attractive Deadpool with long hair.
You looked between both men, confused at seeing two Deadpool's at once, more so one that said 'sorry' upon first interaction, "Who are you?" Wade asked, noticeably confused.
The other man stopped for a second to catch his breath, "Oh, I'm Deadpool, and I guess you're Deadpool too," He gestured to the Wade you've been traveling with, "But in here, everybody calls me 'Nicepool'."
You snickered at the name, the thought of a nice Deadpool now in your mind.
"Oh my goodness, wait till you see Ladypool. She is gorgeous," Nicepool began to ramble on, "She just had a baby too and.. woosh. Can't even tell." He told you guys, making a gesture with his hands to show you guys what he meant.
Logan gave him a confused face, while Wade added on, "I don't think you're supposed to say that."
"That's okay," Nicepool told you three, as his right hand went over his heart, "I identify as a feminist."
No longer being able to hold in your laughter from this entire interaction you let out an audible snort/chuckle.
All three men looked at you, Wade had a subtle hint of amusement within his eyes, Logan was just confused and Nicepool looked disappointed you'd laugh at the fact he's a feminist.
"Right," Wade said, deadpanning. Before he suddenly perked up, his attention caught by something, "Are those gold-plated 50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros?"
" 'Course, to match my ear huggie," Nicepool responded, a smile on his face while he showed off his gold.
"Can I have 'em?" Wade asked, sounding like a child wanting to open their birthday gifts early.
Nicepool laughed at him, "Over my dead body!" He responded still smiling.
You grimaced at the man, "You're gonna regret saying that to him.." you said, knowing Wade would take it seriously.
"You're fun!" He said looking between you and Wade, "And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins, AKA Dogpool. Careful where you touch her, she's 90% g-spot and she'll let you know it."
You looked back at the dog as Wade adjusted her in his arms.
"You let this little flirt out of your sight for one second and she starts shopping for a new papa!" Nicepool exclaimed, still smiling throughout the whole interaction.
You looked back towards Wade only to see Mary Puppins licking his lips and mouth, slightly disturbed by the strange sight.
"If you can't be a responsible pet owner then maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn!" Wade spoke as if a dog wasn't literally eating at his face.
Nicepool only smiled at him and put his hands together, "Guilty on all charges your honor. Shan't happen again" Nicepool bowed to Wade.
"Why are you so nice?" Wade asked, confused why this alternative version of him was so strange.
Nicepool once again smiled at him, "It cost nothing to be kind."
"Shutting the fuck up is also free," Logan added on, seemingly annoyed at the fact he was surrounded by technically three Deadpool's.
"Caliente!"
"This is Logan, he's usually shirtless but he let himself go since the divorce." Wade introduced as he tilted his head towards Logan, "And this little thing right here is Y/N, they're our little time jumper!" You wave a small wave, not wanting to be rude. Nicepool gave you a smile.
"Where's your mask?" Wade asked, a look of suspicion and maybe even a hint of envy on his face.
Nicepool, although still smiling, gave a confused look before regaining his happy demeanor, "Come on guys," He pointed at his face, a knowing look on his face.
Logan just looked disgusted and Wade was annoyed, "Ugh this guy, we're looking for a group of survivors."
"Oh they're out there, but merc to merc, you better hope you don't run into the Deadpool corp, yeah they're crazy!" Nicepool began to explain who they were and what they do, you've been in the void long enough to know who they were, fortunate enough to have never come face to face with them.
You didn't listen much after that conversation, only being asked by Nicepool if these hooligans were bothering you and if you'd like to go with him instead but you declined, more interested in leaving this place then having to be stuck with another Deadpool for the rest of eternity.
As you three were led through what seemed to be a corn maze you stumbled upon a car, that Wade did not seem to like one bit.
"No, no, no. Absolutely not, nu-uh what the- No, no" Wade continued to protest.
"Just get in the car" Logan told him, his tone already showing how he was getting annoyed.
"What's wrong with the car?" You asked Wade confused on why he didn't want to get in.
Wade looked offended when you asked him that, "This isn't a car, this is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey, throttle response sucks a cock, dated infotainment system. When Honda saw that the untreated chlamydia was makin' a comeback, they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete."
You looked at Wade, shocked at how much hate he held for the Honda Odyssey and at the relation he was able to make between chlamydia and a car.
"Get in the fucking car."
Nicepool smiled, his creepy little happy smile, "She'll get you there safe and sound, old Besty always does." Both you and Logan walked up to the car, getting ready to leave as soon as possible, "You're gonna have to give me my dog back though."
"I know. Listen, yes child.." Wade spoke to Mary Puppin's, as he pet her, showing his strange attachment to the furball, "If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home or if something should.. happen to you, I'd love to be her papa."
Nicepool laughed at Wade's subtle threat, "What would ever happen to me?"
Casually Wade replied, "Lots of stuff," This time the threat didn't seem to go over Nicepool's head.
He gave both you and Logan a nervous look, you could only reply with a sigh before you nudged Logan with your elbow, nodding towards Wade and the dog.
He sighed before standing up and walking towards the two, "Jesus" He muttered under his breathe.
Wade catching on quickly turned away, trying to run into the corn maze, being met with clear failure. "No! We're running away!"
You shook your head in disapproval still leaning on the car, "Give me that." Logan said grabbing the small dog from Wade's arms.
"We were so close girl" He tells Mary Puppins before she is given back to her rightful owner.
Logan handed Mary Puppins back to Nicepool, which then let him get into the car, while Wade slowly entered as well, clearly upset he wasn't able to take her with him. You got in as well, in the backseat of the car, giving a small wave to the little dog and her weird happy owner.
Logan started the car and began the long drive, giving you a little time to rest. Shockingly Wade didn't really speak much, until Logan got to the forest.
"Okay, I'm just gonna ask," Wade started off with, you slowly opened your eyes, still leaning against the window, your arms crossed as you listened in, "What's with the suit? First thing I did when I flamed out I took mine off."
"Drop it," Logan warned him.
"It's not that ugly,"
"Stop talking about my suit."
"Did you make it yourself? Been there."
"Quit. Now."
"The X-Men make you wear it? Those sons of fuckin' bitches. They are not your friends I'll tell you that!" Wade was not getting the hint at all, Logan looked as if he was about to burst, "Friends don't let friends leave the house looking like they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams."
Logan replied snappily, not even looking away from the road for a second, "Shut the fuck up about this"
"Woah woah woah, watch your frown lines, angel baby, I'm just trying to bond a little bit."
"Yeah, well then talk about somethin' else," Logan let out an annoyed scoff.
"Fine!" Wade hesitantly said, you let out a quick sigh, thankful that Wade realized he should keep his mouth shut. Slowly you began to close your eyes again, hoping to get a little nap in during this ride.
Slowly but surely you drifted off to sleep, the exhaustion of today finally catching up with you. Although the peace wouldn't last long.
You had at least 15 seconds of nap time before the cars sudden stop made you hit your head against the back of Wade's seat.
"Ow!" You exclaimed, grabbing your forehead in your hands, Logan glanced at you, a glint of what you could only assume was worry evident on his face, before he turned back towards Wade.
"What do you mean if?" Logan's voice was raised, mad at whatever Wade had told him during your 15 second nap.
"I mean-"
"You lied to me, you don't have a fucking clue of they can help me fix things do you?"
"No I mean-" Before Wade could even finish his sentence Logan had let out his metal claws, digging them into Wade's leg.
You jumped back, a look of fear on your face, not worried that'd they attack you but that you'd get caught in the cross fire.
"Kid, get out of the car, now" Logan said, not even looking at you, his eyes stilled fixed on Wade. You knew you didn't have to listen twice, you quickly unlocked the door and jogged over to the thickest tree, hopping to use it as protection as the two men fought.
You thought the worst of it was over, you'd heard them yell a bit and assumed it was over once it went quiet but before you could walk back up to the car you saw Logan get thrown out of the car, that right there was your sign this would be an even longer day then it already was.
You watched for a bit before ultimately sitting down against a nearby tree and deciding you might as well take that nap now. You covered your ears and slowly drifted off to sleep.
You began to stir awake when you felt some arms around you and you heard the car turning on, but you assumed it was just one of them men thinking it was best to keep going on with the journey, so you put aside that thought and went back to sleep.
Until you suddenly were jolted awake by the sudden voice and quick movement of Wade, yelling what you assume was Thor.
#wolverine#deadpool#deadpool and wolverine#x reader#deadpool 3#wolverine x reader#deadpool x reader#x men#marvel#logan howlett#wade wilson#teen reader#superheros#nicepool#mary puppins#dogpool
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Unpopular Opinion 911 - et all
I'm a bisexual woman and I've known that I'm bisexual since I was 11 years old. I legitimately am attracted to both men and women.
I've been watching 911 since 2 months after season 1 ended in 2018. I got into the show for Bathena and have loved them ever since.
I keep seeing people complaining on the official show pages about how Athena abuses her authority as a cop, and while they're not wrong, they're also blowing things way out of proportion. I'm pretty sure the people saying that have never watched the NBC show Chicago PD, because if you compare what Athena's done, to what Voight on Chicago PD has done, you'd know that the stuff she's done has been pretty tame. On Chicago PD: 1. Voight has locked people up in a cage and literally tortured them for information.
2. He has killed people for revenge. He killed the guy who killed his son, Justin. He killed the guy or people who killed Al. There are probably even more occurrences than that, but these are the one's that mainly come to mind for me.
3. He literally threatened Matt Casey, Hallie Thomas, and Gabby Dawson, when his dumbass son, Justin, was on drugs and caused an accident which paralyzed someone, because they could report Justin to other police who would've actually locked Justin's stupid ass up. I get that Voight was trying to protect his kid, but that doesn't make this shit okay. Also, it's weird as hell that Antonio worked with Voight for 6 years. How the hell did Antonio not kill Voight for threatening his sister's life? That's garbage.
4. He literally stole money and drugs from criminals.
5. He has threatened his detective's lives on more than one occasion, and not in some way to make sure they are more careful and protect themselves, but as a legit threat.
Returning to my 911 thoughts.
Oliver Stark has claimed that he's been playing Buck as bisexual the entire time. No, he has not. He just wants the clicks and attention from pretending that this has been happening all along. Buck has had no interest in men until season 7 and the BuckTommy storyline happened.
The episode of Lone Star that's the crossover, doesn't prove Buck is bi. He wasn't flirting with TK, it was a misunderstanding on TK's part. Buck is literally confused when TK says that he's with someone, as he wasn't flirting with TK, he was only inviting TK to come to LA as a friend to hang out. Buck says on the show that he's checked out hot guy's asses before. He hasn't done that in canon. It's one of many things that they claim is canon, but isn't because it happened off screen. He has literally been obsessed with women from the first time we see him, until Tommy returns in season 7.
Buck can't even say that he's bisexual on the show. He hasn't done any research, when he used to research everything. He hasn't spoken to people like Hen, Karen, or even Josh in depth about his feelings for men. There was one scene, right before the relationship ended, where he talked to Josh, which didn't even amount to anything and was just a waste of time since they made Tommy OOC and broke up with Buck. Hell, he (Buck) didn't even know after 6 months that Tommy was gay and not any other identity.
All this to say, 911, TM, OS, they don't genuinely give a shit about Buck, his supposed bisexuality, Tommy, or even the other main characters on the show. From one episode to the next, they have them say one thing and then retcon it right after. The whole Buck is bi thing was a hoax. They just wanted to attract the gay and bisexual crowd back to the show since Henren and Josh haven't been getting that much screentime, and Buck and OS are like the golden child of the show. People think he's an idiot, but that he's a sweet idiot, who can do no wrong. As I stated above, I started watching 911 before season 2 even aired. I don't like the way the show is handling their characters and storylines and I'm finally getting tired of the shitty writing. I love Bathena, I love Henren, I love Madney, I loved BuckTommy. However, if Tommy is thrown aside like yesterday's trash and Buck moves on, only to fuck a bunch of women and/or men with the excuse of exploring his sexuality, I will be checking out and dropping the show.
I like Buck's character, but he's not the reason I watch the show. He's also not enough to keep me watching. Henren are constantly being threatened to have their kids taken away. Bathena is constantly put in crazy life or death situations that end in some super unrealistic way: Kid landing a plane, remember? Madney don't have anything interesting going on. Literally, all they have going on, is that they're having another kid. Eddie has spent years obsessed with his dead wife, Josh hasn't had much of a plot in years, since the only boyfriend he's had on the show was some homophobic jackass who lied and said he was gay, so that he could beat Josh up.
May is gone, Harry is gone, Sue is gone, Carla is gone, Chris is gone. All the side characters that helped make the show a little interesting, is gone. The found family dynamic is lacking or entirely absent this season. Also, making the point to show Tommy sad and longing for a family, only for him to end up sad and alone, doesn't make me want to keep watching this show.
I think I'm finished bitching for now. I know that my thoughts are all over the place, but I've kept my mouth shut on how I feel about OS and Buck's bisexuality, this whole time, but now I'm finally going to fully speak up.
As always, I know many or even most people aren't going to agree with me and that's fine. This is just my feelings and opinion on the show.
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Not so mean and scary
Did someone ask for a Steddissy fic to this? Here it is!
All that craziness happened right before the Christmas break, so Eddie was grateful to squirrel himself away inside his trailer to hide from people and even more grateful that he got to escape by driving Dustin to his science fair in Indianapolis. Hopefully, everyone had time to cool down. When he pulled up to the school, he found Jeff waiting for him in his normal spot. He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking awkward.
"Hey," Jeff said.
"Hey," Eddie said.
"I'm sorry I'm never told you," Jeff said.
"What? That you're attracted to me?" Eddie scoffed. "I didn't judge you when you told us you're gay, but I'm definitely judging you for your taste in men, so that might have been a good call."
"Fuck off, asshole!" Jeff laughed. "I definitely want to fuck you, but date you? Nah, you're too much of a mess for me."
"Dick!" Eddie laughed. "At least, things haven't changed in that aspect. . .please, tell me things have gotten back to normal."
"Wish I could, man, but it's now socially acceptable to like Eddie Munson: platonically, romantically, and sexually. You've opened up the floodgates to self-acceptance," Jeff shrugged.
"The jocks did that," Eddie scowled.
"Yeah, but they wouldn't have if they hadn't been inspired by you to stand up to Jason and his friends," Jeff pointed out.
"Gah!" Eddie yelled. "I'm mean and scary, Jeff! Mean and scary!"
"Not anymore, man. Now, it's Jason and his friends who are the freaks," he replied. "Higgins is pissed."
"Of course, he is. He's always been out to push people like us out of school," he rolled his eyes. "Alright, I guess I should face the music. . .nope, nope, I can't!"
"Be a big boy, Eddie," Jeff laughed as he pushed him.
Eddie walked past people, and so far, everything seemed great. No one was paying any attention to him, focused on trying to walk on the still icy concrete. Until. . .a guy whose name he didn't know cheerfully waved at him. A shiny rainbow pin was fastened to his coat. Eddie screamed as the guy gave him another friendly wave before walking off. Jeff rolled his eyes before clapping his hands onto Eddie's shoulders and steering him into the school. He moved through the hallway, passing by people who waved at him. Some of them had rainbow pins, and some of them didn't. Eddie didn't get that one. He thought he managed to find someone who was still afraid of them when he jumped out at someone, and he jumped. Eddie started to grin until the guy laughed, slapping Eddie's arm.
"Oh, Eddie, man, you're hilarious," he said.
"No, I'm scary!" Eddie shrieked.
"I used to think that but I was just scared of how I felt. . .oh, someone works out," the man said as he squeezed Eddie's arm. "Can't believe I ever thought I was into women."
Jeff clapped a hand over his mouth and pulled him away from the guy before Eddie could scream again. Just as they were about to approach Eddie's locker, they ran into Steve Harrington. Jeff removed his hand.
"Hey, Munson, how are you handling your newfound fame?" Steve asked.
"I do NOT want you caress my bicep," Eddie said.
"I wasn't going to," Steve laughed. "I wouldn't touch you unless you wanted me, too."
"I like women," Eddie scowled.
"Yeah, so do I," Steve said, winking at him.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, I decided to come back to school just to flirt with you," Steve said, and Eddie scoffed, blushing. "Nah, I was dropping off Dustin his lunch. He forgot it in my car. By the way, thank you for taking Dustin to the science fair. I kind of wish I had gone with you guys instead of going on that date. It would have been a lot more fun."
"Uh. . .you're welcome, I guess," Eddie said and tried to control his rapidly beating heart.
"Steve Harrington, don't you have a low paying menial job to go back to?" Chrissy asked from behind him.
"Chrissy Cunningham, I thought we were friends," Steve said.
"We are, but we're also competition now," Chrissy said.
"Ah. . .Do you like Eddie, too?" Steve asked.
"Ever since middle school," Chrissy said.
"You remember that?" Eddie asked.
"Corroded Coffin, how could I forget?" Chrissy asked.
"Kind of thought you got swallowed up by high school and popularity," Eddie said.
"I did," Chrissy said. "I'm back, now. I like your hair."
"Yeah, me too. It's definitely better than the shaved look," Eddie said, grinning. "Also, I got these sweet tatties now."
Eddie pulled his shirt down to reveal two tattoos on his chest. Chrissy bit her lip and reached over to trace the tattoos with her finger tips.
"Sexy," Chrissy said in a husky voice.
"Y-yeah?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, yeah," Chrissy said. "I should get to class. It's good catching up with you, Eddie. Steve, you really need to step up your game. Eddie. . .balls in your court."
Eddie clutched his chest and collapsed against the lockers, staring after her.
"Damn," Eddie and Steve said.
"Yeah, I guess I do have to step up my game," Steve said and winked at Eddie. "Good luck with all this."
Steve walked away, swinging his hips as he did so. Eddie's eyes zeroed in on his ass.
"I like women!" Eddie yelled.
"So do I!" Steve yelled back.
"Why do you keep saying that?!" Eddie shrieked and Steve laughed as he exited the school.
"Man, you do you realize you can like both?" Jeff asked.
"What?! No!" Eddie yelled, and then he grabbed Jeff by the front of his shirt. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought you knew," Jeff said with wide eyes.
"Was it just me, or were Chrissy Cunningham and Steve Harrington. . ." Eddie trailed off.
"Vying for your affection, yeah," Jeff replied.
"Hmm, whoever shall I choose?" Eddie cackled. "Who shall win the hand of one Eddie Munson?"
"Eddie, you still got me by the shirt," Jeff said.
"Oh, sorry."
"No, problem."
While Eddie had once been freaked out by the fact that people now liked him, he realized that it gave people to be more free to be themselves in the hallway. He did yelp when he found two jocks making out against the lockers, and then he grinned before moving on. Maybe it did have something to do with him constantly standing up to people, letting his own freak flag fly, but maybe it also had something to do with all freak occurrences that happened in Hawkins specifically the fire at Starcourt mall. Maybe they realized that life was too short. Eddie moved through the school, greeting his people through the halls with a wave and very melodramatic, Renaissance style greetings. He still felt like he was dreaming, especially knowing that Chrissy and Steve were planning to woo him.
"Pssst, Wheeler," Eddie hissed, peeking through the door of the nearly empty newspaper room.
"Eddie?" Nancy asked. "You're allowed to enter."
"Oh good, I wasn't sure," Eddie said and moved to sprawl across her desk.
"But you're not allowed to do that," Nancy said.
"So, what is Steve’s deal?" Eddie asked, raising his eyebrow. "Or do you know?"
"Are you asking about what he likes?" Nancy asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I mean. . .kinda, sorta," he said.
"Yeah, I know he's bisexual. He told me when we were dating," Nancy said.
"What should I expect with him trying to woo me?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, he was always really good at finding what you like, letting you tell him what you need even when you can't say it," Nancy said. "And he likes taking care of people even if he complains about it a lot. And he loves holding hands. You never really know what to expect because he's full of surprises."
"Has he ever been wooed?" Eddie asked.
Nancy frowned at him as she thought about it.
"You know, I don't think he has," Nancy said.
"Knowing Carver, I don't think Chrissy has either," Eddie frowned. "Not really."
"Steve and Chrissy?" Nancy asked.
"Yeah," Eddie said, flashing his dimples. "They both want me. I'm sorry to say, Wheeler, that my dance card is all full up."
"Just because I find you attractive doesn't mean that I want to actually do anything about it," Nancy replied.
"You and Jeff. . .honestly," Eddie grinned. "Anyway, I have got planning to do! See ya."
Eddie made his way stealthily through the library before finding the stacks of yearbooks. He pulled one from 85 and opened. He flipped between one page and then to another. Back and forth. Back and forth.
"Which one?" Eddie hissed as he looked at Steve and Chrissy's yearbook photos. "I don't have enough information to decide."
"What are you doing, Eddie?" Dustin asked as he suddenly popped his head through the shelf right next to Eddie's head.
Eddie shrieked and clutched his chest. He turned and glared at his protege.
"You butthead, Henderson," Eddie gasped.
"Seriously, what are you doing?" Dustin asked.
"Hold on, let me stop my heart from, oh, I don't know, JUMPING OUT OF MY FUCKING CHEST!" Eddie yelled.
"Quiet!" The librarian yelled.
"Don't be so dramatic," Dustin said, rolling as his eyes as he plopped down next to him on the floor. "It's not like I'm a duck."
"A duck?! Where?!" Eddie asked, whipping his head around fearfully.
"Eddie, why would a duck be in a library?!" He asked in exasperation.
"Because ducks are evil, and I'm pretty sure they're plotting to take over the world," Eddie said. "And a library is a good place to start."
"What are you doing?" Dustin asked again.
"Trying to make a decision," Eddie sighed.
"Between Steve and Chrissy Cunningham?" Dustin asked.
"Yeah," Eddie sighed.
"Why do you have to choose one?" Dustin asked.
"Well, because otherwise I'd be leading them on," Eddie rolled his eyes.
"Why not date both of them if they're okay with it?" He asked.
"Listen, just because I happen to like both men and women does not mean I have to date both," he replied.
"No, but you want to, and isn't that the important thing here. . .that everyone involved wants to?" Dustin asked.
"You might have a point," Eddie said thoughtfully.
"I do have a point," Dustin said. "You have overturned this school in like a day, turned it into like a safe haven, so I think you can definitely date two people if you wanted to."
"Never change, Henderson!" Eddie yelled as he jumped up.
"I wasn't planning on it!" Dustin yelled. "Are you planning on going to lunch?! Lucas is actually going to sit with us for once!"
"I'll be there!"
"Quiet! This is a library for Pete's sake!"
Eddie skidded to a halt outside the window to the classroom that Robin Buckley was sitting in. At some point today, Eddie was planning on going to class, but right now, he was too busy. He cracked open the window, and to his amusement, Robin was right by it and fast asleep with her cheek pressed against her arm. Eddie pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and threw it at Robin. She sat up, wiping her face, and she scowled at Eddie.
"What the hell are you doing, Munson?" Robin asked.
"What kind of flowers does Steve like?" Eddie asked.
"Why do you want to know?" Robin asked.
"I want to see if he wants to open a flower shop together," Eddie said.
"Really?" Robin asked.
"No! I want to woo the fuck out of him!" Eddie hissed.
"Well, it's not totally far-fetched. Steve would actually like that, though. Ooh, a jock and a metalhead opening a flower shop together then falling in love? Oh, the story just writes itself," Robin said.
"Robin, focus - ooh, we could call the shop - no, no, focus!" Eddie exclaimed, shaking his head.
"Maybe not a flower shop because Steve doesn't really get the idea of giving people decapitated dead things as gifts. Ooh, baking - you could bake him something! You could open a bakery with him!" Robin said.
"Okay, are you or are you not his best friend in the entire world? I mean, that's the word on the street," Eddie hissed. "Help me out here! I can't bake for the life of me!"
"I really don't need to. You've basically been wooing him without even knowing about it," Robin said. "Despite his complaining, he loves those kids, especially Dustin and the fact that you were with them, giving them a safe place to belong. . .it meant a lot to him."
"Got it. He basically wants a baby daddy. . .a partner," Eddie said. "Someone who cares about those kids as much as he does while also being able to knock their egos down a notch. I swear the tone on Dustin. . ."
"Yeah, basically, and he doesn't say it but I know he wishes he just has someone to take care of him, you know?" Robin said. "Unlike his shitty parents."
"You know, I always thought people like him had it easy," Eddie said. "But seeing all of this, even knowing what they've called me, they struggle just as much as we do."
"You know, Steve, when he called you freak, out of sheer ignorance, he thought it was a nickname like when people called him the Hair," Robin said.
"He doesn't know that people were calling him that to be mean?" Eddie asked.
"No," Robin said.
"Miss Buckley! Mr. Munson! Is my lesson getting in the way of your conversation?!" The teacher yelled.
"Oh, absolutely not, Mrs. D! How's the arthritis?" Eddie asked cheerfully.
"Get to class!"
"Right!"
Okay, he was for sure going to class after lunch, but this time, he really needed to talk to Chrissy's cousin, Vickie. It was the last period before lunch, so he really needed to talk to her. The girl in her math class had said she was in the bathroom. Eddie skidded down the hallway and came to a stop.
"Nope, can't go in there, I am a gentleman-ish. Well, I do have boundaries," Eddie said and leaned against the lockers to wait.
There was no one else in the hallway, and from what it sounded like to Eddie, there wasn't anyone else in the bathroom except for Vickie. He could hear her talking to herself, and it was very likely that she was talking to her reflection.
"Oh. I should tell her. I should definitely tell her. Oh, but I can't. . .what if she doesn't like me at all or women?! What if she's not okay with it. I mean, there does still seem to be people who don't agree with all of this, and what if this is just a freak accident? Like, maybe someone put something in the water or there's a gas leak? Maybe we're all having the same hallucination. . .no, that's crazy. Just as crazy as me telling Robin I like her. I mean, I tell her that I like her, and everyone snaps out of it before going back to normal. Maybe it would be safer going back to Dan. . .no, no, he's a dick! Oh, but he's so good with his hands, terrible with his mouth. Oh, what if she does like me and she dumps me because I'm so bad at sex?! That's crazy, Robin isn't like that, but how would I know? How do you even have sex with women? Where do you - oh, God, sex with Robin - ugh, I should have gone to that gay bar in Indie everyone went to over break - oh, Robin's boobs!"
Eddie couldn't help it. He let out a laugh. Eddie quickly slapped a hand over his mouth. It was too late, though. The door opened, and Vickie poked her head out the door.
"I heard nothing!" Eddie exclaimed.
"So, you heard everything," Vickie laughed.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop," Eddie said. "Someone in your math class told me you were going to the bathroom, and I swear I wasn't going to follow you in there. I was just going to wait out here until I could get your opinion on something."
"Okay, and that would be?" Vickie asked.
"How close are you with your cousin, Chrissy?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, she's my best friend," Vickie asked.
"Great, I need more information," Eddie said. "Not all of it, of course, because I do plan on getting to know her on my own, but I do need some information to surprise her with when I woo her because I also don't want to accidentally offend her."
"Woo her?" Vickie asked.
"I plan on wooing her and Steve Harrington before they can woo me," Eddie said. "I'm going to win their little competition and they don't even know that I'm playing."
"Technically, haven't they already been wooed if they're trying to woo you?" Vickie asked.
"Semantics!" Eddie exclaimed. "Let's retire that word because I have said and heard it too many times today."
"Well, the fact that you're showing any actual interest in her is definitely a step up from Jason and that you're trying to find out what she likes," Vickie said.
"She deserves that," Eddie said.
"Oh, definitely," she said and smiled softly at him. "Well, she doesn't like flowers because she's never really understood getting dead things as gifts, but she loves chocolates. . .specifically, chocolate covered strawberries."
"Man, that's Steve and Chrissy both. What's up with them and flowers?" Eddie asked.
"Maybe it's something to do with ripping flowers from their home and people using them to make their homes pretty, but then once they served their purpose, they're tossed aside?" Vickie asked.
"So, they represent how they themselves are used and then tossed aside?" Eddie asked and frowned. "Damn. That's fucking deep. I'm going to be thinking about that one. Think, Munson, think! Oh, I got it!"
"Mr. Munson!"
"Oh, hey, Mrs. D, I am just seeing you everywhere today. . .may I just say that you are wearing a lovely shade of purple! It suits you!"
"Get. To. Class."
"I. Am. Trying."
Eddie did, actually, attend lunch and the rest of his classes. Being distracted by Chrissy and Steve pulled his attention away from everyone being nice to him all of a sudden. It helped, especially when Chrissy flirted with him with her eyes across the cafeteria. He did the same, leaning his elbow in Dustin's applesauce as he batted his eyelashes and hid behind his hair. A few minutes later, Robin came back into the cafeteria and held up a sign:
Steve agreed to pay me $50 to do this. He also agreed to do the same if I needed it. This is from Steve.
Robin leaned forward and gave Eddie her best comehither look before running her hands through her hair, winking at Eddie and shooting him finger guns. He had laughed in delight and ended up knocking Dustin's applesauce into his lap. Chrissy was scowling at Robin, but she was also trying not to smile.
"This is only going to get worse when you guys actually start dating, isn't it?" Dustin asked with a sigh.
"Oh, yeah."
Finally, after school, Eddie managed to convince the theater arts teacher to let him use the drama room for what he had planned to do. Had it really only been a day? He had realized that as he sat on his throne with a robe thrown over him and the hood over his eyes, waiting for his prey. Finally, the doors opened, and he grinned when he heard their voices.
"You can't just call dibs on a person, Christine!" Steve exclaimed. "Especially when it's because you saw him first!"
"Why the hell not, Steven?" Chrissy asked.
"Because it's childish!" Steve yelled.
"Well, it seems like it's right up Eddie's alley!" Chrissy exclaimed.
To his amusement, they had yet to notice Eddie sitting on his throne.
"Why were we told to come here, anyway? I don't see Eddie at all," Steve said with his hands on his hips.
The lights flickered on above Eddie, revealing himself. A horn behind him started to play.
"Robin?" He asked, squinting at the light and Eddie smiled.
"Tis I, Edward Munson, your one true love!" Eddie burst out in dungeon master voice. "I have decided to bring this competition to an end. I have had many offers and many favors, but it has come down to the two of you - "
"Oh, man, you're not going to make us fight to the death, are you?" Steve asked.
"Ooh! I can totally take Steve," Chrissy said, cheerfully.
She dropped her bag and rolled up her sleeves. She raised her fists and started bouncing around Steve, her ponytail bouncing with her. Eddie bent over laughing. God, she was so fucking cute. Clearly, Steve thought so, too.
"Alright, stop that," Eddie said, dropping his voice for a moment.
"So, you already made a decision? Seems pretty quick. We didn't get to enjoy the chase," Steve said.
"Yeah, I was looking forward to seeing what Steve would bring to the table, but I'm looking forward to your answer," Chrissy said, and then she gasped in realization. "Steve. . ."
"What?"
"Do you think that Eddie might be naked under his robe?" Chrissy asked, giggling.
"Oh, I did not think about that," Steve said and then he grinned. "But now I am."
"That's not what - No, I am not - !" Eddie shrieked.
"Eddie Munson, you better not be naked under your robes!" Robin yelled from the back.
"Robin?" Vickie asked.
"Vickie? Where are you?" Robin asked.
"I'm manning the lights!" Vickie asked cheerfully.
"How did you get involved?" Robin asked.
"Oh, Chrissy's my cousin, and he said he wanted to do something nice for her, so I agreed," Vickie said. "What about you?"
"Oh, Steve’s my platonic soulmate, and Eddie said he wanted to do something nice for him," Robin said.
"Oooh! Do you think that he's choosing both of them?!" Vickie asked.
"We can hear you and you just ruined the big reveal!" Eddie shrieked.
"Yell at her again, and I'll beat you with my instrument, Munson!" Robin yelled.
"Sorry, Vickie!" Eddie rolled his eyes.
"I'm sorry, too!" Vickie exclaimed.
"It wasn't going well, anyway," Eddie sighed and leaped from the throne, standing in front of both of them. "I've completely forgotten where I was going with this."
"I did tell you to write it down," Vickie said gently.
"You did, you did," Eddie said, then focused on them. "I have something for you guys. . .it's in my pants. Hold on!"
"Yeah, I bet you do," Chrissy said and giggled with Steve.
"Okay. . .so maybe I didn't think this all the way through," Eddie said.
"Eddie! You idiot!" Robin yelled.
"You want to get some coffee and leave these guys to it?" Vickie asked.
"Oh, yeah, definitely. . .you need help getting down from there?" Robin asked.
"Please. . .," Vickie said, and then she giggled. "Are you going to let go of me any time soon?"
"Uh, yeah, right!"
". . .unless you don't want to, then I'm okay with that."
Robin and Vickie burst out the curtains, rushing towards the door. Robin's arm was secured around Vickie's waist.
"See ya, Steve, don't pregnant!" Robin exclaimed.
"You see what I'm dealing with! I can't make any promises!"
"Slut!" Robin yelled.
"Whore!" Steve yelled back.
"Oh my god!" Vickie laughed.
"It's okay. Those are the nick names we chose for each of her. We picked them out of a hat," Robin replied. "It's all with affection."
"Anyway," Eddie said as he tried to remember what was going on. "Right! Uh, I had this big speech and story, but now. .the rocks are for you. I painted them your favorite colors. I was told you didn't like to be given dead things, so. . . rocks!"
"My favorite colors. . .pink and blue," Chrissy muttered.
"Pink and yellow. . .you talked to Robin and Vickie, didn't you?" Steve asked.
"Yeah," Eddie said. "I don't know if that's weird or stalkerish. . .I've never been a boyfriend before, let alone to two people."
Chrissy surged forward and kissed him. Eddie responded eagerly, wrapping his hands around her. He really couldn't stop it. . .he was a big bad metalhead. He wasn't supposed to make sounds like this. Eddie giggled delightfully against her lips. Chrissy pulled back, beaming, wiping away her lipstick with her thumb. She stepped back and let Steve take her place. He cupped Eddie's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Eddie's knees were already shaking from Chrissy's kiss, but when Steve kissed him, they couldn't hold him up anymore. Eddie's legs gave away, and Steve wrapped his arms around his waist to support him. Steve broke the kiss, still holding Eddie.
"Are you okay?" Steve asked.
"Where am I?" Eddie asked, and then he shook his head. "Am I dead? I mean, I'm fine!"
"You swooned, Eddie," Chrissy giggled.
"I did not!" Eddie shrieked.
"You totally swooned," Steve said.
Chrissy let out another giggle and kissed Steve.
"Definitely swoonworthy," Chrissy said.
"His knees were already shaking, babe," Steve said.
"You know, I don't know what's harder to believe that I have a type or that my type actually likes me," Eddie said with a sigh.
"I don't know why it's so surprising. . .considering that I once tried to join Hellfire myself once upon a time," Steve said, tucking a hair behind Eddie's ear.
"You did?" Chrissy asked.
"Oh. . .wait, you were serious about that? I thought you were fucking with me when you asked to join," Eddie said.
"I was just a young freshman who thought the guy in charge of the club was really cute," Steve said.
"Oh fuck, I was a total asshole to you," Eddie groaned.
"I totally get why you thought that, though. People like me, like us, didn't really help matters. Hey, you changed that. It took a lot of work, but you turned things around here," Steve said.
"You could ask to join again, I might have a different answer for you this time," he said, blushing.
"Nah, I only play with Dustin, Erica, and Robin. . .it's sort of a Scoops Troops thing. It's hard to explain," Steve said.
"Right, Starcourt," Eddie said, nodding.
"I think it's okay, you know, to have different interests, I think it's only truly important how you deal with them. Going a long way to respect the differences, I think, it shows that you kind of just want to be seen as a person," Steve said. "If makes any sense."
"That makes perfect sense, big boy," Eddie said, showing his dimples. "And you two are really okay with this?"
"More than okay," Chrissy said as she wrapped her arms around the both of them.
TWO WEEKS LATER. . .
Eddie grinned as he climbed up on the table, and he looked down at everyone. He was right, everyone who had different interests. . .they just want to be seen as people. He could see them now, now that they were no longer pretending to hate them. . .they were just trying to get by just like he was.
"Announcement, ladies, gentlemen, and. . .still undecided! I would like to formally declare that I, Eddie Munson, am officially off the market!" He yelled.
There were several cheers and groans of disappointment all throughout the cafeteria. There were also plenty of people who just did not care.
"But I realized that I was gay because of you!" Connor exclaimed.
"Connor, if you would look to your left, you'll realize that there is someone better and clearly more interested than I am," Eddie grinned.
"Patrick, is that true?" Connor asked.
"It's always been you, man," Patrick said.
"I just - I never wanted to assume - ,"
Patrick pulled Connor into a kiss. Connor didn't hesitate and returned the kiss.
"AWWW!"
"This is disgusting!" Jason yelled, standing up. "You're all going to - "
Suddenly, a basketball flew past and hit Jason in the face.
"Oh, man, I really have to work on my aim," a player said.
Eddie laughed and slid back into his chair next to Chrissy.
"Eddie, man, where's your - oh, nevermind," Jeff grinned.
Steve made his way over to the table, a visitor's pass sticker on his chest. In his hand was Eddie's vest.
"Hey, Steve!" Dustin exclaimed. "I didn't leave my lunch in your car again, it's right here!"
"No, I'm here for Eddie. He left his vest in my car," Steve said. "He called and said it was urgent."
Eddie grinned and made grabby hands for the vest. Steve handed it over to him when a third chair appeared between Chrissy and Eddie. He yanked Steve down into it.
"It wasn't as quite as urgent as I made it sound," Eddie grinned.
"You tricked me," Steve said.
"So, I wanted to have lunch with my boyfriend and girlfriend," Eddie said. "Sue me."
Steve smiled and kissed Eddie on the cheek. He turned to Chrissy and gave her a kiss on the lips.
"Hi," Chrissy giggled.
"Hey! How come she gets a kiss on the lips?" Eddie scowled.
"Because she didn't trick me to get me here," Steve said.
"Worth it," Eddie grinned and slid down so he could tuck his head into the crook of Steve’s neck as Chrissy slid her legs over Steve’s.
It was crazy how things changed. One minute, he was just as scared of jocks as they were of him, but it turns out. . .not so mean and scary as Eddie thought.
#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#chrissy cunningham#eddie stranger things#eddie munson lives#steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#chrissy cunningham x eddie munson#chrissy x eddie#eddissy#hellcheer#chrissy cunningham x steve harrington#cheerscoops#chrissy cunningham x eddie munson x steve harrington#steddissy#hellcheerington#bisexual steve harrington#bisexual eddie munson#bisexual chrissy cunningham#robin buckley#lesbian robin buckley#stranger things vickie#bisexual vickie#robin & steve#platonic stobin#rovickie#stranger things au#rueleigh writes
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Our Future Days
Joel Miller x Reader series , Chap 9 , Melody
Masterlist
Pairing: F!Reader x Joel Miller
Summary: Tommy takes you up to Jackson where you and Joel are finally able to reunite
WC: 3.6k
Type: SFW
A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you
Tommy's horse began to slow down which caused you to look up. That entire ride, your head was resting against his backpack. You couldn't help but just stay like that with your eyes closed. Admittedly, you were thinking about Joel and how it'll be to see him again after two decades. You wonder if he'll even recognize him. You hope so.
Not much has changed with you. Same face just a bit aged, same body type but only slimmer if anything, same hair color and what not. You'd say all that's changed is you have longer hair and a skinner body type than before due to the lack of food and nutrition. You presume he appear very aged just based on those investigation photos you seen awhile back. He definitely aged due to stress—there's no way a man looks that rough in their fourties.
Nonetheless, you still find him attractive and you know that if you saw him out in the wild, you'd know it's him.
Looking before you, you saw a large long gate. It was a deep blue color and there appeared to be two people on top of it in little boxes. They're probably the ones in charge of keeping a lookout—smart. "Open the gates!" Tommy shouted to the two men. They gave him a nod and shortly after, both doors opened at a slow and agonizing rate. Your heart beat began to increase in speed and you could feel your palms getting hotter. You are nervous.
Tommy's horse picked up in speed again as he rode in through the gates. You analyzed the area. Wow. It's like a literal township. You are impressed to say the least. They really made Jackson their own. Tommy chuckled, "Enthralled?" "Definitely." You huffed out. You are proud of Tommy and the life he's managed to build alongside these people. They must have a strong bonded group. You doubt any of the people you were once with could've pulled this off. Maybe John but that's it.
You started to dart your eyes around. You hoped to catch a glimpse of Joel or just someone you may have known from a past group. Nothing. "Where do you think he is?" You asked Tommy. "My guess? Either at his house or at the bar." You nodded at his words. Makes sense. Tommy rode his horse into the stable and hopped off. He reached his hand out and helped you off as well. A blonde haired woman walked up with haste and looked you up and down before glaring at Tommy.
"Tommy I-" "Maria, don't start just yet, let me explain." Maria scoffed and crossed her arms. You felt judged. You also felt a bit scared. This woman seems intimidating. Tommy introduced you and began to continue his statement. "Me and Joel have known this woman for damn near twenty years. She was Joel's neighbor. I'm not sayin' she has to stay permanently, she's only here to talk to Joel." Tommy established with Maria. The woman looked at you and spoke.
"Listen I don't mean to come off as bitchy it's just that I don't trust very easily." Maria said softly with her hand cautiously in front of her. "No apology necessary, I understand. Like Tommy said I'm just here for Joel." You spoke kindly to her. Maria gave you a soft smile. "Okay." She nodded. "He's probably with Ellie at the tipsy bison, come on, I'll walk you there." Maria stated. You glanced back at Tommy and said thank you. He gave you a nod.
You and Maria began to walk side by side of one another as she led you through the town. The grass was green and the dirt on the ground was beige. It looked... Lively. Like a real town. You were surprised by all of this. People around the area were in nice clothing. It is later in the year, most likely November if you had to guess. You're sure this place will be covered in snow soon. You have to admit, this place is epic.
There were even children. You haven't seen a child in years. They were smiling and laughing. The sight was precious. There are also a lot of buildings that are clearly being put to good use. You saw a school, an aid and even a deli. "I have to say, this is impressive." You gawked out. Maria snorted and nodded. "Thank you. Me and Tommy built this together alongside our community. We've worked seriously hard so I appreciate that." Maria smiled at you.
Maybe this woman isn't so intimidating after all. She seems sweet. "Is Tommy your boyfriend?" "Husband." "That's nice. Did you two meet during all of this? I just don't recall him having a lady back in the day." "During all of this, yes. So I've heard, Joel talks about how much of a wild cat Tommy was." Maria giggled. You laughed along with her. "I don't remember much about Tommy, he was quiet and was only ever over if Joel had work." "Right." Maria nodded. She does seem cool.
"Just to warn you, Joel isn't the talkative type. A lot has happened to him and he's definitely closed up." Maria said softly. She seemed sad. You sighed softly. "I understand. I'll be understanding." "Good. He's definitely gotten better ever since he met Ellie but overall, he's still that brudy man." Maria giggled. Ellie? Who the hell is Ellie? You went quiet. Did he find some kind of lover in the midst of all of this?
Standing before the two of you was a place called the 'Tipsy Bison'. "Is this it?" "Yes. Come on in." Maria said kindly, opening the door and holding it for you. You walked in and Maria did too. Wow. This place is full of life. It has a warm feeling to it. It's definitely the lighting and the joyous laughter and conversing. The lighting is a deep orange dim color and the people just seem... Normal...
You looked around and whistled. "This reminds me of a bar near my hometown. This is great." "Thanks. I designed most of it myself because it was completely torn down. I've definitely flipped it for the better." "For sure." You're still wondering who Ellie is. If Joel has some sort of a girlfriend now, you get it, but it'll be a bit upsetting. You don't know why or how but you've somehow managed to maintain feelings for him. It's not healthy you imagine but it's just how it is.
Maria waved to someone and ambled up to her. The person was a young girl. She's definitely a young teenager. She's super pretty and seems quiet. All she is doing is eating a sandwich at the table. "Ellie, hey, where's Joel?" What a fucking relief. Ellie is a little kid. Thank God. You sighed softly and crossed your arms. "He just left, said he was going back to his place to get some rest." Maria sighed and nodded. "Thanks honey. Continue eating."
She glanced back at you. "Off to Joel's it is then." Maria then had the two of you walk out through the back. "Another thing we've managed to pull off was having houses all around. We have almost fourty different homes now. For others, we have cabins or they shelter someplace else. But Joel and Ellie have their own place together." "Who is Ellie to Joel? Sarah is his kid." Maria paused in her tracks and looked back at you. "It's going to be a long story and it's a story for you and Joel." How ominous.
You nodded and continued to stroll beside her.
After walking for a bit, you two reached a road and Maria nudged you. "This is it. His house is just up there." She pointed to a house just a few yards ahead. It was a white house. It looked like your average home, it was pretty but ran down. There was a white picket fence surronding it too and a cemented staircase leading up to it. The two of you gradually got closer and your heart rate once again increased. You've never been this nervous before, not even when in a fight or when doing something you shouldn't be doing.
Although, you froze. You froze as the front door opened and you saw him. He was wearing a brown jacket with a black shirt and jeans. Definitely still has his old style. He was wearing torn up boots too. His brown hair was lightly now and more messy. He had a bit of a beard but it appears he recently shaved it. You couldn't move. Maria nudged you but quickly realized you were in complete shock.
"Hey Maria." Joel said as he stepped off of his porch and began to tread closer to you both. "Hi!" Maria said in a friendly voice. It seems he has yet to notice it's you. Maybe he doesn't recognize you. As Joel got closer, his eyes widened and he dropped the bag he was holding. Maria slowly stepped back. "I'll just let you two... Rekindle..." Maria definitely felt the tension between the two of you.
The two of you locked eyes. This moment, you thought it'd never come but here you are, living it. You couldn't speak. Literally, you are speechless. Joel huffed out a breathless laugh. "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?" He still has that southern accent you love. You didn't say anything. "After all these fuckin' years, you're alive?" Joel said in disbelief. You could feel your heart slow down. He seems happy? Right?
"Joel, I." You couldn't finish your sentence because you were suddenly picked up into his embrace. He had his burly arms around your torso as he held you close. Your arms encased around his neck and you giggled. This is a feeling you'll never forget because it's the feeling you had when you first saw him—love. Joel spun you around and held onto you tightly. You didn't want to let go, not ever.
The hug was special. This was the kind of hug you experience very few times in your life. It was full of love and remorse, kindness and happiness. "Jesus Christ." Joel whispered as he slowed down and placed you back down. You chuckled and gazed up at him as your feet hit the ground. His hands stayed on your waist and yours on his shoulders. He's gotten taller, or maybe you've shrinked. Or you're just misremembering because it's been twenty fucking years.
"Let me look at ya." Joel whispered. He looked you up and down and smiled. "Holy shit." He hummed. You didn't know what to say. You are just... Happy. The happiest you've been throughout this entire shit show. "Hi." Was all you managed to get out. "Hi? That's all you gotta say?" Joel laughed, he was just teasing you. His hands went to your face and he sighed. "You're so cold, come on." He took your hand and jogged you up to his house, completely forgetting about the bag he left on the ground.
Closing the door behind you, Joel entered his living room and patted a spot beside him. You sat down and sighed deeply. Joel looked at you again. Both of you are in shock. "Jesus girl, I figured you was dead." Joel admitted. You laughed out. "I myself am surprised I survived this long." You actually managed to speak. Joel's soft eyes gazed at you. "You look... The same... You sound softer, somehow." Joel chuckled. You giggled.
At least he thinks you still look the same. You constantly worry about looking too old.
"Tell me, how have you survived this long? Just tell me how these two decades have been for you." Joel was ready to listen intently to all of it. You snorted and nodded. "This is going to be a long one." "And I'll listen to every bit." Joel said with assurance. You smiled. "Well, when, Sarah and Tommy left, I took Becker into my car and we drove away. We drove for miles and miles until we got to Oregon." You stated.
"The car eventually gave out so we went on foot but we got to my parents house. They were both dead. Like I literally walked into the house and saw my mother and father decomposing. I never saw my sister, I still have no clue where she's at. Same goes for her dog she had at the time." You said. Joel spoke quickly, "I'm sorry for your loss." "It's okay. I'm long since over it." You spoke softly.
"Me and Becker eventually found a different car full of gas and we drove off for miles then. I was completely stocked up, I had a full arsenal and a shit ton of food. We stayed in Oregon for a while until eventually we moved back to Texas and that was pretty crazy as you can imagine." You said softly. Joel was still listening. "I think most of my time has been in Texas. I was even a QZ there for a while, that's how I knew you were still alive."
A confused look painted Joel's face. "What do you mean that's how you knew I was alive?" "I saw photos of you and some other woman. Those photos have been surfacing for a while." "Right. That was Tess. We were smugglers." You gave him a nod. It makes sense. It's a rough way to live, definitely not an honest one, but it gets the job done. "I moved away from Texas again and ended up staying in Michigan for a while. I had a great group there. But they eventually all died, me and Becker had to go."
"After Michigan, I stayed in Maine for a long time and that's when I lost Becker. He passed away. That was about four years ago. I stayed in Maine for another year after that but then I eventually found my way here, in Wyoming." You adjusted your seating position. You didn't know what else to say. "That's basically how it's been for me. It's been rough and I've been alone for most of it, but I've managed to survive and I think that's all that matters."
Now that you think about it, you can't shut up. It's hard not to. You and him have so much to catch up on. Joel nodded. "I'm sorry Becker died. He was a great dog. I knew you and him would stick together." "We definitely did. Through thick and thin." Joel chuckled at your words. He found that adorable. "Tell me, how has it been for you?" You are sure his life has been a lot more eventful.
Joel sighed deeply. He seemed upset, sad. You made a confused look. "If you don't want to, that's okay." "No, I do. It's just the beginning that's hard to get through. I'm just going to say it, Sarah died. She got shot on the same night all of this shit went down." That made you go quiet. She was shot? She was just a kid. This made you feel so sorry for Joel. He lost his babygirl. That must've been was Maria meant. This is terrible.
You let out a soft sigh and set your hand on his upper shoulder. You rubbed it gently and nodded. "I'm so sorry. Sarah was so sweet. She didn't deserve that." "No, she didn't. She was shot by some military guy. I tried takin' the bullet for her but it seems I didn't have my timin' correct." You shook your head. "It isn't your fault. It's the corrupt military. It was crazy that night." You reassured him. Joel licked his lips in concentration. He was trying to continue on.
"After she died, I ended up in a hospital where I was mended alongside Tommy. I could hardly live without her. My only will was Tommy. Me and him ended up in Boston where we became smugglers. I was a smuggler before I met Tess." Joel stated. "Then Tommy left me for some time. I was alone. He got sick of me, joined the fireflies and I hadn't seen him for a while. Actually, not even until recently." You were surprised. They always seemed close. At least they have each other again.
"When me and Tess met, I had a reason to live again. Me and her were smugglers together, we work together for a long fuckin' time until she died on me too." "Were you and Tess like...?" You paused. You are treading lightly. You don't want to upset him. Joel just gave you a nod. "We definitely hooked up a few times but she wasn't into romance or dating." Joel snickered.
That made you laugh. At least he had some action during the apocalypse. You did too. With John. "I knew someone like that as well. His name was John. I met him when I was in Maine." "Where is he now?" "No clue. He's still alive but when I left Maine he didn't want to come with me, I left alone." "I see." Joel stated. "Look at you now. Still alive. You didn't need anyone. I'm not saying this to sound like a dick but I'm surprised, a girl of your size and caliber would have died in usual situations."
You giggled and nodded. He isn't wrong. You are surprised yourself. Everyone told you that you would die sooner or later yet you're still living and breathing. Not even most men could survive on their own. You have always been impressed with yourself and your survival skills.
"No offense taken. I am surprised myself. I think it's mainly because I've stayed out of the action. I've really managed to stay stealthy and not in a lot of sticky situations, you know?" "Opposite of me. I was always getting caught up in some kind of bullshit." Joel laughed, crossing his arms. You nodded. "Sounds like you." You are just happy he's okay. You can't believe this. This is a once in a lifetime experience.
"I guess I never clarified how I found out about this place and about you." You stated. Joel nodded, "Yeah, I hadn't really thought 'bout it. I'm still starstruck if I'm being honest." "I was out on raid, looking for a random stuff when I saw your brother. The man nearly fucking killed me but we managed to realize who one another was. I asked him to take me here so I could see you." "I'm surprised he took you, he's always nervous about lettin' people in."
"He seemed a little off but I'm pretty sure he trusts me, and he should, I mean no harm. I only wanted to see you and I planned to go on my way." Joel raised his eyebrow. You didn't know why. "Go on your way?" "Yeah. I guess I just planned on saying hi to you, catching up with you, then leaving." Joel chuckled and shook his head. "I'll talk to Tommy about getting you a place here."
That surprised you. That's such a sweet thing to do. It would be nice to have a place to call home. You haven't had anywhere in so long. Being able to live in the same vicinity as Joel would be amazing. "You don't have to do that." "I want to." Joel spoke in a low tone. You didn't try fighting back. You know how that will go. "It seems we've had a pretty fucked up lives ever since everything went down, huh?" You huffed out. "For sure." Joel laughed. Both of you seem to laugh this stuff off, despite it killing the both of you on the inside.
"I always hoped we meet again." Joel admitted. It's true. He thought about you a lot. He's told everyone about you, at least those close to him. "I did as well. When I heard about you in the QZ I was in, I had faith." "I'm glad ya did." Joel muttered. "Can I ask you something?" "Yeah. Shoot." "Who is Ellie? Maria brought her up and I saw her for a brief moment at the bar in town." Joel's face went soft entirely when you brought her up.
"I'll tell you more later but just know, and I don't mean to sound like an idiot, but she saved my life." You smiled. You found that sweet. It's kind of predictable. He sees Sarah in Ellie and has clearly been able to heal because of that. You are glad he's been able to find someone. "You don't sound like an idiot. Is she under your guardianship?" "She is. A lot of people think she's my biological daughter." Joel cackled. "Do you treat her as if she's your daughter?" "I'm definitely paternal towards her but she is her own person." You nodded, you get what he means.
Ellie saved him. You can tell. The way he talks about her. You'd like to know more about the two of them. Maybe I'll get to meet her officially.
You sighed deeply and stood up. Joel's eyes followed your figure. "You alright?" "Yes. I'm just a little winded by all of this, that's all." "You hungry?" "Definitely." You snickered. Joel also stood up and nudged his head towards his front door. "Let's go get lunch. We can catch up more then." "Food sounds amazing right now. We can." Joel gazed at you and smiled. "Let's head out then. Just follow me." The two of you then exited his home, and had a great lunch together where the two of you continued to catch up.
#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction#the last of us#tlou#the last of us fanfiction#our future days fanfiction#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#tumblr fyp
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Let's Set the record Straight: Respecting Jungkook's Personality!
Facts about Jungkook that tend to lead people into thinking he is a playboy or what we all know as a f🔞ckboy.
Charismatic personality
Jungkook's charm, confidence and flirtatious nature DURING performances, and read that again please, DURING, not after, and before... performances and interactions with fans might be interpreted as some playboy behavior . He's often affectionate , playful and comfortable with fans that often goes misinterpreted as fckboy behavior.
Appeal to fans
As one of the most beloved members of BTS, Jungkook has one of the largest, if not the largest and most diverse fan base. His good looks, talent and confidence attract a wide range of admirers, and some people have read this kind of admiration as indicative of his personal romantic life, even though there's no public evidence to support such assumptions.
Public image, media and the love for drama
The media sometimes portrays K-pop idols in exaggerated or hyperbolic ways, especially when it comes to their personal lives, and Jungkook is no exception.And I think this is the part where we bring the famous Dispatch. Well, doesn't everyone just want to know who Jungkook's having s€x with? And isn't the media keen on chasing after a person for the clout they have?? Imagine how powerful it would be to have his image tainted; the headlines, the hashtag trends...and many more.
Now that we're done done with the first three reasons why, there's this other one, last but not least, but a very problematic take;
He's a man!!
And I know where most of this comes from. Men know what they're like. Women have been hurt by men. And 70 % of women out there don't know atleast 2 men who aren't “ran through” , except those ones who can't actually pull. Even the men themselves can't even bring themselves to believe that such men do exist, that's why the projection; because they know themselves too well, and will tell on themselves through talking about other successful men. And you also know why?? Feigning of innocence!! And I think with this one y'all can definitely tell, that I'm talking about our dear “friend” , Taeil...and his “innocent” twins.
But let's set the record straight here, Jungkook has always claimed himself as an adult the moment he became one. As as a teenager, he couldn't wait to become an adult. This was mainly because adulthood is freedom. And that's what he wanted, freedom! Freedom from being told what to do, not so he could go and fck someone's daughter, or son. Freedom to dress edgy, to get a tattoo, to drink his alcohol and get his piercings. That's all, and if you're gonna say he didn't, sorry to let you know my dear, you're just a follower, not a fan! Go looks at his most recent interactions with fans, on weverse especially. He did say, he's an adult, doing adult things, and talked about his song seven. He got stalked when he was smoking privately, and the world got to see that, but he never once, denied the thing, he actually continued. He drank almost every live, he showed us his fridge, full of nothing but alcoholic beverages. He once did share a story of his gf as a teenager. So I think we've gotten that out of the way. Jungkook was never keen on showing anyone how “innocent” he is, so he's not a man hiding behind any innocence. He's innocent because he looks like that, not because he is conniving.
This man has been a victim of many things, namely hate trains, sexualization, stalking, death threats, smear campaigns, boycotts and many more.
While it's an understandable thing to not like someone, find someone good looking, and even boycott for reasons known to you... there's nothing that can justify why he was to go through hate trains and being stalked, and swearing on your cat's life that he's a s|ut just because you see him playfully interacting with Armys, or because he just looks like he could be one.
“Well he knew what he was getting himself into being a kpop idol”
No!!! Absolutely no one deserves to be hated just because they're public figures. Being a public figure does expose you to a lot of criticism and scrutiny,but it's NOT for people to stalk you, to want to take your life, and to play around with your sexuality, assuming how gay or straight you are!! It's not a good thing just because people have normalized doing nothing about it. And those who try to defend him are gaslighted into thinking they're wrong for simply wanting that he should atleast have his privacy. People just want to justify blind idiots confusing his playful attitude with hoe-ology, they want to justify the people who confuse his welcoming nature for “do-whatever-you-want,come-into-my-house,-cook-for-me-and-when-you're-done,-come-jump-straight-into-my-arms” !
Like I said, there's nothing wrong with the fantasies people have in their heads, and maybe even assuming things, coz that's human. But while doing so, it's important to keep remembering that the “vibe” you're getting from him, is all in your and your friends' head. The so called evidences, those blurry photos and videos have nothing to do with him, and if it's so true, it should have been captured clearly for people to see!! Yes he's not a kid, but who told you he sleeps around?
People are entitled to their opinions, but it's best they remain only as opinions.
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Okay, to play 'devil's advocate' here a little and add some nuance (while definitely not condoning any of the tone-deaf, entitled behavior!).
There IS some merit in stories where people who previously thought they were straight figure out they're not. We had that with Buck; we previously had that with Michael. I personally know a man whose story was very similar to Michael's. So that part is not necessarily NOT gay culture, because it does happen often. People 'see the light' at 30, 40, even 50 and finally find out who they are.
I've often read people say (especially in regards to Eddie) "this, the comphet behavior, is what I did before I dared to admit to myself I'm bi/gay/a lesbian." So there's a natural and non-harmful projection of these kinds of valid queer experiences onto these characters.
Then there's also the slow burn aspect of it, the "will they, won't they" and "there's something there that could very well be more than platonic, these two idiots just haven't figured it out yet."
When it comes to stories and storytelling, there's an appeal to that. It's a very common trope in straight couples too, to have them only realize their romantic feelings a long, long time into their platonic/professional relationship. So why should that not happen with two people of the same gender?
Now this is where it gets a bit complicated, because it presumes a concept that is not necessarily wrong, but can be a little naive and unrealistic, namely the "gender doesn't matter, sexual orientation doesn't matter, this is about two souls falling in love". This isn't something that never happens in reality either, but its framing as a "one in a million exception" is the unrealistic part. There's no "straight with one exception"; discovering and experiencing actual attraction to someone of the same gender does make you no longer straight, and it means you never were straight.
I guess especially younger people cannot always fully grasp these nuances between what does happen in reality and what is a naive fairytale concept that essentially erases bisexuality.
I think it's unfair to say or imply that shipping Buddie is inherently or frequently (seriously) homophobic, or that it comes from a place of not liking gay men. Many of us who ship Bucktommy now used to ship Buddie because we did see the appeal and did see a potential (to a point; for me, in hindsight, that point was probably somewhere in s6 where it became no longer realistic for Eddie to have a gay awakening. A bi one maybe, but I am 99.9% convinced that ship has now definitely sailed. Then again, with some of the inconsistent writing, who the hell even knows what Tim decides? lol)
So, when people say, they don't want another story where someone already knows they're not straight that's also not per se wrong, imho. The phrasing in the above screenshot is definitely insensitive and tone-deaf and requires much more added context to make clear you don't mean it against established gay characters, you just mean it as a plea for coming out/figuring out one's sexuality arcs. Which is something I and many other queer people I know have said before. We want to see the epiphany, the struggle, the process of acceptance because that is something many of us did go through. To experience that with two characters we love could have felt very rewarding and validating.
To say this generally comes from a place of homophobia (while certainly some things that have been said and posted by the most toxic BoBs over the past half year WERE going in that direction!) also erases those queer experiences and feelings.
TL;DR: There are many queer experiences and view points that are all equally valid, and they could be expressed in various types of queer stories in fiction. Buddie as a slow burn and realizing one's sexuality later in life story would have been one valid version of the queer experience. Wanting Buddie is not per se the problem. The problem lies in invalidating the Bucktommy type of queer experience, especially Tommy's side. And the problem lies in entitled, rude and tone deaf behavior online. In my opinion.
I just think we, the Bucktommy shippers, should not fall into the trap of doing as was done to us by framing the other ship as inherently problematic (though calling out individual instances of problematic behavior and wording is valid! And the above are definitely examples of that). We can be better than that and recognize that many queer experiences and views are valid and can co-exist. The BoBs are the ones who cannot do that.
the more and more time i spend on tumblr and come across insane Buddie takes and behavior, the more and more i am convinced that the small, vocal, toxic subsection of shippers who don't know how to behave are, how shall i say it?
homophobic
they don't seem to actually like gay men. the situation with richard siken is an example of that. what they appear to like is their made-up version of what gay men are like and what they do. there's no concept of nuance or an actual understanding of queerness that informs their ship.
and i don't think you do need to understand it. sometimes you can just enjoy something without looking into it differently. but if you're going to be out on main talking about Buddie this and Buddie that, then you absolutely need to do the bare minimum and inform yourself on gay culture and gay issues so you don't, you know, go after a gay poet because you didn't like his tone.
sorry, there's a reason gay men of his demographic don't take shit. it's because they took so much shit that a large percentage of them died. the ones that survived don't owe you a tone when you act like an idiot.
the internet is free. wikipedia is free.
use a search engine and educate yourself, just a tiny little bit, and stop fetishizing while holding onto homophobic attitudes
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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people hate lesbians. PEOPLE HATE LESBIANS!!!
#i hate hate hate hate HATE#and i don't buy that all of these ppl are only upset bc goldstar lesbians 'brag' about never having slept with a man#(they're probably not even 'bragging' and are just being projected onto)#but i genuinely think ppl are uncomfortable at the prospect of a lesbian knowing she's a lesbian from a young age#and choosing to never sleep with a man#this is obviously not to say 'late bloomer lesbians' aren't 'valid' or whatever#but the reality is most of these girlies calling themselves lesbians... are not#ESPECIALLY when i see shit going around like#'well the lesbian masterdoc said that if i'm only attracted to male CELEBRITIES it doesn't count because they're unattainable 😌'#like bestie if anything doesn't that mean you AREN'T a lesbian?#it's common for OSA women to 'let' themselves be more openly attracted to men they'll never meet irl#not being instantly attracted to men you see walking around irl is very common for OSA ppl because most know what men are like lmao#anyways tangent but goldstar lesbians get behind me#lesbian#lesbophobia#radsplain.txt
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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The situation I posted about is mostly funny but I do think it makes me feel alienated from some people (largely certain women because it's my main reference group) dkkdld. Like oh you guys truly have never had to contemplate your gender/enforced gender norms/gendered choices and gendered benefits/punishments, you truly think that all of your choices and actions are simply personal and not societally steered and socially rewarded/punished 😅 like y'all are comfortable with your conformity to an extent where you don't even notice how little freedom there is sometimes dkkdksks
#i also have complicated feelings because i don't believe in abolishing gender or anything :/ but like dkskldkd#is there a word for when you're a cis woman but you're viscerally uncomfortable with certain expected social roles and gender performances#its not gender nonconforming i conform in a lot of if not most ways. but i'm uncomfortable a lot skkssk#i think its also a special kind of uncomfortable when you know you're not trans (nonbinary or otherwise). like huh there really is no way#out of the force fem panopticon that everyone pretends is normal and even feminist JSKDKDKDK#and especially with the recent 'internalised misogyny' discourse where you have to bootlick choice feminism JSKSKDK#(= trip over yourself validating people for conforming to gendered expectations and telling them its ok for women to be feminine etc shit)#i wish i could just dress the way i want and look the way i do and be a woman but everyone just decides to give me all of the privileges#and prioritisations that are societally afforded to straight cis men of an otherwise similar position to me in society#but that i'd still be a girl and people would refer to me as such jdkdld. just without the misogyny#also i hate makeup and 'feminine grooming' and rituals related to appearance/expectations of participating in those. and policing#what an acceptable female body looks like and medicalising anything out of the norm#(i've ranted abt this before but if i was born 20ish years earlier i would have been given GROWTH STUNTING PILLS. TO MAKE SURE I STAY SHORT#AND CAN STILL GET CISHET MARRIED TO A MAN. as you know women's main purpose is to look attractive to a husband. if youre tall youre an uggo#sorry this all makes me so mad dkkdkdkd#thank god i have more bodily autonomy than i would have had earlier but 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 things are still depressing in so many ways#i think i should just have been lesbian crown prince rudolf
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roleplay idea: barton's trying to say this BS that he's 'good at processing grief' when your muse was a witness to the absolute rage-filled and deranged rampage that barton went on after julien was killed by the joker in which he brutally hurt all but one of his henchmen (he killed the last one because he told him he was 'crazy' and that he 'better kill him, or he was going to tell his boss that barton had been there' and he literally just snapped, went 'you know what, i think i will kill you AND also let the joker know i killed you so he knows to never come near my family again' then killed him. like HUHHH?) at the time with your muse being like this
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#yeahhh 💀 man i wish i was joking about this you all but he really did put like three men in the hospital and killed one of them so...#he is NOT good at processing grief at all SKSKS and yeah the fact that they chose to ally themselves with the joker probably does say-#something about their own character but i don't condone violence or murder so it's still wrong even if they were... terrible 🫠#no but barton was honestly looking for someone else to blame besides himself for julien's death so he basically went to all of these-#henchmen and grilled them + asked them all whether they knew anything about how the joker was planning to kill his son#anddd when they all answered him with a 'no' was when thing's uhhh. Got violent 😬 like just imagine being one of barton's kids-#and mourning the loss of your brother in a normal albeit sad way on your own but then barton comes back home covered in blood-#+ it's obviously not his... like i don't even know if i'd want to ask him what the hell he just did because while barton is in mourning-#or grieving you do NOT want to be near him if you are the one that caused the death in question because you will get your-#shit rocked let me tell you ☠️ like the only reason why barton didn't kill the joker himself is BC he knew that that would attract-#batman's ire like nothing else and he does NOT want that smoke as much as barton hates him LMAO but DC muses... just to let you know-#or really any type of muse that interacts with him but those who are close to him in particular i would not touch a hair on any of his#family members head unless you want to have someone after you + i swear i'm not saying that to be edgy or anything BC ever since i#first mentioned that barton is always this 🤏 close to going off of the deep end even more than he already is i was not joking at all ASDFGH#tw: mentions of violence#tw: mentions of murder#tw: mentions of child death
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so uh
#a sock speaks#I think I might actually experience attraction to men? not as definitively as to women but sometimes#I think I was compartmentalizing things for quite a while#bc I didn't feel okay to have a relationship with a woman#and if I wasn't willing to have a relationship with a woman then it felt weird/wrong somehow to#allow myself to be with a man?#it felt like a betrayal somehow. I felt like I'd be judged or punished for it. or even if not that I'd be doing something wrong.#in retrospect this was the OCD talking#I don't really consider myself side b in the same way anymore. I don't know that I'd enter a relationship#but largely that's because I have anxiety about intimacy and issues with self worth 👍#but I've realized that I can't always tell the difference between shame over wrongdoing and fear of how others will react to me#and fear is not worth a life choice of that scale. but love is#and honestly. I'm acearo spec. I'm not likely to have a conventional relationship. for the present I'm still not planning on a relationship#I've wondered if maybe I have a celibate vocation. which is still possible even with all of this [gestures vaguely]#idk. for now I'm using the word queer to describe myself. it's comfortably open ended.#but also I was too afraid that dating/marrying a man would place me into a power structure I could never escape#and now I think maybe I don't have to be as afraid of that#now the awkward thing would be to let friends/family know without making them think I'm ex-gay 💀
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Gotta be honest the constant objectification of women's bodies is a bit tiring sometimes.
#catgirltxt#'naked female torso (conventionally attractive)' is a common decoration for some reason#shittons of songs that treat sex with women as purely status building for men#i think the worst part is that as a woman you're expected to buy into it too#and not just buy into it but participate in it#to be chill or whatever you have to create a gap between you and other women#you have to instead align yourself with men and abandon any female solidarity#don't get me wrong i'm a tranny i know full well that female solidarity is a sick joke#but like goddamn i don't want to live in a world where a prime way of gaining respect from men is to engage in this shit#if you object to it all you're treated like you're an overreactive hysterical idiot#and if you just don't participate you're treated as boring#this type of shit is especially prevalent in male dominated areas but it exists just about everywhere#almost the only places it doesn't is spaces that just don't discuss sex at all and those spaces for the most part suck#just about the only people i've seen even mention this on tumblr dot hell are radfems! hardly anyone else!#we need a feminist movement again so bad
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I think that it's really sad how lesbians really have no role models in Hollywood or in the music industry to look up to, it's even worse because like I said before every since the entire gay community was labeled as queer straight people have starting opting into our community. I think that the reason why everything is so fucked up is because straight women started calling themselves bi, and bi women realized this and started calling themselves lesbians to overcompensate for the attraction that straight women in their communities had erased. Which is why so many famous "lesbians" are actually bi (chapel ranch, renee rapp, kehlani) and it doesn't help that they're spreading this harmful rhetoric of being lesbian "now" as if they decided to dedicate the first half of their career to men they dated for years or get pregnant by a man and *then* decide to become a lesbian, and parading these facts about publically only further making it seem like lesbians have to fight our non-existant attraction to men or are only lesbians because we don't want to date men. Pretty much all the famous out gay women are bi. If you had told middle school me that so many women were publically talking about their attraction to other women, I would've been overjoyed, but as I said earlier, not only are most of them bi but they spread harm to lesbians. The last popular lesbian celebrity I know is Haley Kiyoko and people always made fun of her when at the time, and even now she's basically the only out lesbian in the industry. And it's clear that the only reason why she gets made fun of is because she is kind of a GNC lesbian.
#the pyre#I find myself being less attracted to feminine women bc usually they carry with them some sort of insecurity that hard to put up with#not even just bi women some rly fem lesbians act like this too like the other day I saw this vid on tiktok of the lesbian complaining bc sh#dresses rly fem and men think that she's doing that for them instead of reading her mind like all these#“I hate how strangers can't immedietly guess my identity!1!” dumbasses on tiktok complain about and realizing that she's actually a lesbian#and I found her video dubious and annoying I think that GNC and butch lesbians don't rly carry this type of insecurity#bc they know that being a GNC woman in public ppls minds are automatically going to go to lesbian#and have learned to not care about ppls perception of them which is sm fem lesbians have not#I don't rly align with the butch or femme labels bc I'm just doing me but I think that I def dress more femme than butch#but like a lot of radfems I don't wear makeup or shave or perform as overly feminine so I feel like I relate to GNC lesbians more anyway#in the future I want a wife who can go outside without spending hours on end doing her hair or makeup to feel presentable
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I hate getting into something that has a canon(ish) sapphic couple, but I only end up caring about one of the two women 😭😭😭
#warrior nun? only cared about beatrice couldn't really get behind ava much#the locked tomb? INSANE for gideon. harrow is like cool I guess (I feel like I should like her more than I do idk)#and now dungeon meshi. I knoowwwww I'm going to love falin. 10 episodes in and I already find her relatable and awesome and so cool and sexy#AND SHE BECOMES A DRAGON LIKE FUCK MAN (she's still dead atm but soon soooooon)#marcille on the other hand?? I mean she's fine... but I'm not really drawn to her (I like namari a lot more tbh)#and the thing is I know part of it is the feminization of all three of them#I am not attracted to femininity pretty much ever (outside of a super sexed up version in which case gugh)#and ava and marcielle both have a very bubbly personality type that has never really drawn me in ever#they can have cool stories and I can enjoy them in that. but I have no desire to seek them out outside of that#and harrow... honestly I think it might be the way fandom sees her that makes me not care much about her?#also my feelings about the series as a whole by the end of nona probably don't help#BUT I definitely think a big part for all three is the femininity. none of their counterparts that I DO love are overly fem#(and HONESTLY I don't think harrow should be either and the fact hardly no one actually makes her butch the way I see her pisses me off)#((she CANONICALLY hated her long hair!!!!!!!!! stop giving her anything more than a buzz cut I'm going to attack you!!!!!!))#also. marcielle has green eyes and I'm sorry but I just can't 😭#I need every single character ever in existence to only ever have brown/black or gold/yellow eyes#stop with the blue and the green 😭 please#ANYWAY POINT BEING: I hate that this happens to me because I end up not getting obsessed with the ship#and mostly only getting into the single character but then I don't want to read fic about just one person#so I try out the ship stuff and shocker no one writes the other character in a way I like so I don't read it#and then I feel bad cause all my ships and main characters I'm obsessed over are men#and then I complain all the fandom favs and mcs in stories are men#but like I'm contributing to the problem!!!! but like I'm not attracted to hannibal but I like his personality#I'm not attracted to optimus but I love how fucked up his whole deal with megatron is#I DO love both luffy and zoro even though I'm not really attracted to either of them#the lotr/hobbit ships.... eh I love the world and I love dwarves and I will do anything for them so the characters don't matter much lol#AND THATS THE ISSUE 😭 the worlds of warrior nun and tlt and most of what i've seen of dungeon meshi don't really entrance me much#so I don't get into the ships for that. and I'm not attracted to both people in the ship. and I can't relate/project on both in the ship#and sometimes I find one character type less likable/annoying so that makes me not want to engage
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