#i don't do well with embarrassment
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don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#sorry it's even scribblier than usual :') hopefully my chickenscratch is legible#anyway come here and join me in the corner where we go to be embarrassing about anime characters#just. between riddle and trey's dreams i've been thinking a lot about how#trey knew this kid for like two months when he was nine and then never really got over him or how their friendship ended#which. honestly. understandable given the circumstances#and then when they finally met again riddle acted like they'd never met before and neither he nor trey ever intended trey to be his vice#but every time riddle talks about his childhood post-incident it's basically#'oh yeah i constantly thought about trey and che'nya and fantasized about still being friends with them! this is fine and normal'#(there's a bit in one of his birthday cards where he talks about crossword puzzles and shit man that one got me)#idk. i can't put this into words very well#just...the implications that riddle was actively resisting trey's friendship#(presumably because it ended SUPER badly last time and he's learned that if he shows he wants something it gets taken away from him)#and trey had to work REALLY hard to just to get to the point they were at by the time canon starts#that was progress somehow#y'all can call him boring all you want but trey's defining feature really is that he keeps being like#'everything's fine :) this isn't a big deal :) i don't care that much'#(trey on the inside: THIS IS THE BIGGEST DEAL THAT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT AND I WILL NEVER LET IT GO)#anyway i continue to be absolutely murdered by the timing of riddlepunzel directly after this#riddle's line about not wanting to keep standing in front of a door that's never going to open...#hey. hey silly gacha game about anime disney boys.#you are not actually allowed to do this to me#oh shit oh damn i'm out of tags and i haven't even talked about cater yet. NO BUT I HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS THERE TOO --#(i am crushed under a falling safe looney tunes style)
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Do you have any character/scene/color references you use that you could show for fanart purposes?
I don't rjnlgvd😭😭😭😭
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO DO SOME BUT I HAVEN'T FOUND THE TIME YET ,,,,,,,,
I usually just check past panels to check details...which is bad practice....please don't be like me,,, I constantly forget to draw WIngding's pocket...which...he may or may not have anymore... that pocket is so annoying
I NEED TO DO REFERENCES SOON!!! AND WHEN I DO THEM I'LL DEFINITELY SHARE THEM!
Here's some things?? I really don't think these will be useful because none of these are finished?? but, here

The first one is just, Alphys and Sans, but that one's a little old, alphys doesn't have a green shirt anymore, it's just the white lab coat
The second one is the sketch I made for Wingdings' and Sans's room, but that one is not finished AT ALL
I just needed the overall idea for that one scene hehe
The last one is WIngdings' lab coat c:
#This is what happens when you're indecisive with ur designs and backgrounds and the general aesthetic of the comic...#LIKE#LOOK AT THE FIRST PAGES OF CHAPTER ONE#I TRIED STICKING WITH A COLOR PALLETE AND... THAT DID NOT GO WELL I DON'T LIKE HOW THOSE PAGES COLORS LOOK.....#Never doing that again#I very sadly almost always forget to add pockets lmao#BUT!! AT LEAST I STARTED THE COMIC INSTEAD OF WAITING FOREVER UNTIL EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT#and i've learned from my mistakes#NOW#I REALLY NEED TO MAKE THOSE REFERENCES#SOON... I HOPE....#this is so embarrassing LMAOO
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Madame Yu would never but oh for one fic where she packs up the kids and flees the jurisdiction. Jiang Cheng and Yanli would be so upset and miss Wei Wuxian and their father and you know, their home & community. Jiang Fengmian feels like he's taken a truck to the face (thanks truck-kun). Wei Wuxian is sure it's all his fault and is deeply distressed. Madame Yu is probably literally possessed. But still. It sucks! leave! Hit the bricks! listen to the meme skeleton that has taken up residence in your head.
#i'm picturing her eldest sister like well yuanyuan would never which must mean things are unspeakably bad guess we're going to war with a#great sect actually. unfortunate#maybe we can stall and pretend it's an extended visit bcs one of the children had fallen terribly ill#and er-jie like nono we'll just assassinate him and put a-cheng on the throne#madame jin will help!#we never liked him anyway#eventually they find out she's possessed and it's like ooops very embarrassing for us and also you#but like it would be more embarrassing to call it off at this point?#you don't really like him do you?#we can tell#and then she has to go rescue him from the assassins and like#frame wen ruohan or something i don't know
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--Really, Doctor?
#star trek#star trek fanart#spones#spones fanart#mcspirk if you squint#bones x spock#star trek tos#star trek the original series#bread and circuses#bones mccoy#spock#leonard mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#this scene gets quoted a lot as proof for spirk#which is all well and good! but i have also seen it quoted against spones (bones particularly.) and i am a bit tired of that admittedly#i do have my grievances but i shan't say. if you squint they're there in my art of course but oh mcspirk my mcspirk save me#almost captioned this with an italicized 'oh' but that should tell you all you need to know about my thought process for this lmaoo#the thing with drawing things with a meaning in mind is that i face the inconvenient side effect of thinking that explaining myself will be#--thoroughly embarrassing. i am working on it. but also having to explain my metaphors (which i should! but. alas)...#embarrassing. i do not know why this is embarrassing but i feel it acutely#and as such i may simply have to write a fic about it 🫠#ok things to note just so i remember: spock's expression. the light. the oh moment. the hands#and of course intimacy. i enjoy my soft old men and they will be married eventually#anyways i sat down to do work and drew this instead lmao ill deal with my lab prep before bed (if i don't end up starting my sixth wip in--#five days 💀💀💀 hlep#dust medibang paints#trek fave
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Gojou Satoru taking a photo with his kouhai he so totally do not have a crush on, he swears! Print | Ko-fi
#jujutsu kaisen#nanago#gojou satoru#nanami kento#gojo satoru#gonana#my art#two spellings for gojou because most don't spell with a 'u' sdfsadf#but i am stubborn and add the 'u' just because it looks so nice as well XD#ANYWAY this was super fun to do because aside from them being my ship#gojou is just sooo crushing on nanami ever since and he's SO OBVIOUS about it that it's very embarrassing lmao#and he would ABSOLUTELY buy all the nanami merch#you can tell it's gojou who did all the stickers if all the kissy marks wasn't that obvious XD#how nanami tolerates him is beyond me which BASICALLY MEANS he also crushes on gojou because DUH#it was mutual and everyone and my mom knows it sdfasdfsdf#and i know gojou would do something so silly like this sdfasdf nanami hair moustache has gojou written all over it XD#i just love them sire ugh OTL
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#highkey envy everybody in the tags#who gets asks like 'please write piss kink yesterday'#where the fuck are you getting your freaks from#high society life has made me so prim and proper#got my pinky up when I drink my fucking tea
would you like write smut like that? is that why you haven't because you don't get asks like that and you would if you did? asking for a friend
It's genuinely. Like don't get me wrong we do like writing our genfic, we do love our all of that that we're doing anyway and people seem to like reading, but it's like
I guess it's been oddly branding? And I don't know if it's that people now take that brand as a "well you wouldn't do this thing and asking it of you would be weird and I'm going to respect your implicit boundaries by not doing it" or if it's more like "we, the audience that you have, want this specific thing that you're already writing and when you part from it it's HIGHKEY WEIRD and OFFPUTTING" or a mix of both but
would we like to get the kind of unhinged requests that we're seeing all over the tags? Get slapped in the face with an ask that's just so out there? Write explicit for the sake of explicit without having to find a better excuse for it? Yes. God. Yes. We would.
#tospendalifeindreams#ask#I just had such an autistic revelation about an exchange that happened before that may have given everyone the impression#that we won't and don't want to write anything Like That:tm: and I'm like. oh my god#no it was about that specific fic#it's about this specific fic it's not an absolute stance#quite literally we're so fucking egg-onnable you just have to throw a ball at us#Käärijä's Takavoltti is a song that would perfectly describe our attitude about writing#someone goes 'hey lol you should do this thing' and by god we'll make it happen in some form if it is at all conceivably possible#it doesn't matter if we're into that specific thing. we'll goddamn well write it just for the challenge#YOU KNOW WE WROTE THE ENTIRE CARACALLA/TEGULA THING JUST BECAUSE OF THAT CONVERSATION IN THE POST NOTES#it's like that#it's just. so embarrassing and oh my god nobody wants to read this if we do it alone#I don't think we can deal with 0 notes 1 anonymous kudos on something that's so sensitive without like#dying of shame#NEED THAT SWEET SWEET PEER PRESSURE DEAR GOD#I think our only hard limits are like. Will not do scat will not to vomit#and taking the freedom of making something fully as traumatising and uncomfortable as we like/see it as if it hits that way.#laughing because instead of dear god we wrote dead god#and honestly yeah no that's. that's fitting isn't it
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I don’t think we’ve ever seen you draw knight of dawn before 🤔 what are your thoughts about him? Or take?
I've drawn him a couple of times, just really little/in the background. but I should draw him more, I love this guy a lot! I have many, many thoughts about him and the way he parallels Silver...and also I think it is extremely funny that his ghost is stuck in a ring. especially considering where that ring has been for the last 16-ish years.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#don't mind me just killing time waiting for maintenance to end so i can stick my face directly into 7-12#i mean i'm on the record (read: constantly posting) about how much i love the whole tragique backstory behind mal's birth#and. look. hold on it's a day ending in y time to be embarrassing about anime characters online again#no but really i love him. i love how he's such a vague figure but also the way his and silver's stories contrast#i cannot articulate it very well but just#i love how he's essentially like...bad end silver#he let himself go along with the big evil plan because he wanted to save his dad and not betray his king and all that#and when he finally did take a stand it was too late to stop the worst of it#meanwhile silver was immediately like NOPE WE'RE NOT DOING THIS#silver is NOT going to end up slaying the dragon thank you very much#me kicking my stupid little legs in glee over it all#and! the retrospect when you realize! that he was the one leading silver around lilia's memories!!!!#he is so happy that silver and lilia have each other!#he's so happy for them!#i want to put him in a can and hold him in my pocket for 16 years#also: his ridiculous hair. it's so silly and so good.#may vil never meet him#the knowledge that there's someone with naturally gorgeous hair who has somehow done it even dirtier than silver would destroy him
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I've been picking mostly only the essential flirt options with lucanis in the romance so far (I've personally found the dynamic much more natural and mutual when you do that, more like forming a solid friendship slowly and inevitably becoming something else and less like you keep pushing on him and getting little back b/c he seemingly just gets overwhelmed and goes into freeze instead), and I think rye is a pretty hard person to read at the best of times even though he's been Down Real Bad from pretty early on and their chemistry as people is naturally really good. so the way the almost-kiss plays out in this playthrough feels a lot like it has the added layer of lucanis realizing that no but for sure rook is flirting and not just being kind or a good friend* it IS actually happening it's not just wishful/fearful thinking!!! and then uh. maybe going a bit too hard a bit too fast in all the excitement at that revelation haha
*in lucanis' defense he has seemingly literally never had a friend who wasn't his cousin-brother before, under those circumstances I suppose some confusion is extremely natural if not outright expected lmao
#meanwhile rook is kicking himself for being unprofessional b/c he WAS getting something important from spite there#and also lucanis had like. just woken up was that cool of me. should I have told him. should I have slowed that down???#watcher's duty crashing into watcher's longing blues ensues#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I think I might have done something hilarious and a little wonderful to the lucanis romance#by making a rook who's even slower to romance than he is fhskjfhsa#even here I was straight up like 'oh this is a little early for this don't you think' on rye's behalf (it's not we have to be mid-game)#imagine how he'd fare in some of the other romances you'd just bowl him over. davrin might kill him#(and also they would kill each other for unrelated reasons during it but that's another matter (affectionate I love my lads))#lucanis has been squinting at rook in stolen moments ever since the café scene like '...did I imagine that vibe. surely not right.#i'm pretty sure. but am I. I do know he likes me. but DOES he like like me or is that just what I want it to be. this is very embarrassing#for everyone involved' (it is)#davrin has had both their numbers the entire time tho. and been extremely annoyed but professional about it#he knew from the moment these two chucklefucks showed up in his recruitment mission. and has been an adult about it. mostly#even when they've made it real hard ('so I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're not letting the abomination serial killer run around#just because you're transparently excruciatingly sweet on him. right. RIGHT??')#I have accidentally given lucanis a pattern of falling for people who keep covered neck to toe at all times#but like not to be a metaphor for their emotional intimacy issues or anything haha. imagine.#I'm making my own heart so tender by imagining lucanis struggling to get rye out of his (many-layered) robes during the romance scene#and both of them laughing right from the soul in relief and delight at each other b/c like 'how could I kill a god only to be bested#by nevarran fashion. also how in the maker's name do you get dressed so quickly in the mornings this is intense'#'same way one does anything else lots of practice and a can-do attitude'/'well I'll just have to put in the practice then'#and they just hug for a while. *head in my hands* yeah okay I can be normal. I can be normal about this.
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When you know the fic will turn out so good, the writing, the characters, the humor, all of it -- but then you remember the effort that goes into writing epic-length 50k word fics
#On the one hand: the time will pass anyway#On the other hand: that's a lot of time when I have other fics for other fandoms I'm already committed to#On the other other hand: I actually do really want to write this Frasier fic 😬#I'm crafting my ending and already planning background things to layer into fic to make the chaos at the end#both a surprise and make perfect sense#I get to be funny in the fic??? I love being funny!#And it's a romance plot thats not making me internally cringe which is a fascinating insight into my psyche#Writing Deckerstar romance? Embarrassing. Makes me cringe so hard it's like pulling teeth to write it#Writing Bering and Wells romance? I'm a pile of goo on the floor. Hearts spill out of my eyes. Obviously I am meant for femslash only#And yet here I am writing (well outlining) Niles/Daphne romance and having the same goo and hearts reaction????#So I don't fucking know anymore. Maybe it's not a romance problem for me. Maybe it's just a Deckerstar problem lol#(Probably all the more reason I should let myself extend this Lucifer break and explore other fandoms)#(I just expected myself to be revisiting Bering and Wells more during this break instead of losing my mind over Frasier 🤣)
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who wants to be my dress up doll...... i pick out your clothes and style your hair, adorn you with makeup or just spend forever gently, lightly brushing over your skin with the softest makeup brush the way they do in those personal attention asmr videos, maybe I'll even decorate your body with temporary tattoos or kiss marks, praise you for being a good doll who holds still for me and melts into my touch, all outside stressors visibly leaving you as you relax and your mind focusses on what really matters: being mine to play with and adore <3 until eventually i get so horny over the whole ordeal that I'll use your doll body to get myself off in whatever way pleases me
would you like that? would you be a good doll for me?
#dollification#this is not the first time i talk about dollification on this blog but I'm still embarrassed over this kink#because i feel like I'm doing it wrong - i don't wanna degrade my playpartner by saying they're 'just' a doll and 'beneath me'#anyone up for dollification without that? ok if not. I'm guessing that's the main appeal for many if not all#I WANNA PUT FACEMASKS ON YOU AS WELL#gOD just someone to try my hobbies on innit#gentle dollification#nsft personal attention
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adult romance books with demisexual characters be like "I haven't really felt attraction but i know i WANT TO" "yeah I've vaguely heard about asexuality but never looked into it more it's all so confusing and doesn't feel right" *conflates complex feelings about romance and sex into just asexuality* "you don't have to choose labels labels are so confusing and complicated (but you will choose a label related to which genders you're attracted to)" "i know it's okay to be single and not want relationships but I want that and I feel like my life is bad and missing something because of it" *obligatory queer best friend speech telling them it's okay if they don't want sex or romance or both but the MC doesn't internalise that at all* "i don't like labels i guess demi is technically what I might be we'll put the word on the page but I just don't want to label it"
okay!!! we get it!!!
#sorry to be a bitch.#like OBVIOUSLY these are all very real feelings and experiences - it's not inherently an issue in any book.#and like most of the books this comes up in I do review relatively well!#but when it's just. repeated in so many of them. it starts to feel a) arophobic and b) like... embarrassed of asexuality?#also I know it's a thing where I notice it when it annoys me but don't notice when books don't do it#though: read Life Underwater recently and I really appreciated that as a 'I thought I was aroace but I met this person - guess I'm greyro-#- but if it ended i'd be perfectly fine to not be attracted to anyone again'.. but also that's greyro-ace rather than allo-demi.#laya talks#ALSO LIKE. i say this as someone who isn't sure exactly where I am on the ace spectrum either by the way. I'm not being an aroace purist
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Today has been one of those "Sorry! I couldn't hear you over the texture of my socks" days.
#autistic#actually autistic#audhd#it's so embarrassing!!!#like yes i care and yes i was listening but also no i have no idea what you just said#getting diagnosed gave me permission to admit what's REALLY wrong and also do shit outside social norms to make it suck less#but it also makes me look “weird” to non autistic people (and past me who wasn't diagnosed til my 30s)#I can remember past me saying that I couldn't be autistic because I don't do [thing] (I was powering through and suffering)#It's like... I have a mild allergy to a couple foods but didn't know for YEARS so I'd eat whatever and either suffer or take benadryl#then well into adulthood one of my friends was listening and was like DUDE YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO THAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME!???#doctor had me change my diet DRASTICALLY but the constant itchiness and sore throat and stomach pain went away#but sometimes people act weird or put out when I ask questions or refuse food#sometimes people lie and say a food is safe when it's SUPER not and then I'm having an allergic reaction on the way home#my body is permanently damaged because of decades of trying to eat like everybody else#meanwhile my mental health took that hit from decades of trying to ACT like everybody else#I'm sooo much happier now with my safe foods and silly fidgets and good textures AND I can live an active life!#but sometimes people give me funny looks when I ask for the grill to be cleaned or don't like a new shirt because it makes me anxious#hell the other day a dude gave me a weird look (and I overheard shit they said) because I HAPPY STIMMED at Hot Topic (Hazbin merch)#meanwhile my friends love my stimming because its the “Jamie barometer”#my (best friend's) mom says the biggest compliment to her cooking is when she can hear me foot tapping under the table#so... yeah#a diagnosis is permission to be me and have a better life at the cost of dealing with assholes because I'm not masking or lying anymore#bluewind talks#holy journal entry batman!#did NOT intend the tags to turn into... whatever the fuck this is XD#but if for some reason you read this far? I hope you found something in it that made you think or made you smile (if not hi anyway! ^_^)
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revisiting the old hyperfixation that is Warren the Eagle 🙈💖 sometimes hyperfixations lie in wait for weeks, months, even years before they get you. but within seconds of hearing that pathetic, whiny little voice, i just fucking knew... i knew Don't Hug Me I'm Scared had gotten me again and i knew it would be this freak before he was even on the screen 💀
#wish i could communicate to you the sensation of mortification i felt when Warren physically showed up#and knowing with absolute certainty HE was going to be the character i was consumed by for the next few months 😭😭😭#making those posts on here like 'hahaha guys who do you think the next DHMIS Sexyman will be. wouldn't it be funny if it were Warren'#knowing full well i was already TOO far gone to anything about it and wanting to drag you all down with me 😂#i will not confess how many times i have committed social engineering in fandom re: embarrassing fixations to offset my own humiliation#but it's more than once and it WILL happen again 😖💖💖#either way shout out to Warren. one of my silliest cringiest and greasiest favourite guys. he needs to be asphyxiated#ssssssshut up i just think his voice is so...!!!!! 😳#warren the eagle#dhmis warren#don't hug me i'm scared#dhmis#starleskatalks
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want to write about pussy inspections with endo but knowing me it'll end up the exact same as the takiishi one just with a different name :/
#☆— yapping#☆— freaky nyx#they do it for different reasons like i already said before but i want to write about it with a bit more detail#like i've already expanded on takiishi doing them but with endo it's different and like i want to talk about that difference but also i can#for two reasons. 1. i don't think i can write for him and 2. the same concept with a different character will just feel redundant#at least to me maybe i'm just in my head about it but uhhhh idk#every time i try to write anything endo my brain blanks so badly#my multiple endo drafts that just rot bc at some point it doesn't feel like him but really what is he what feels like him#maybe i just need to suck it up and do it even tho i don't like writing the same idea for different characters but in this case i so want t#oh well maybe one day i'll finally pull out an old endo draft and then disappear from the face of the earth out of embarrassment#also idk why but unfortunately i've also been thinking of stuff for ******#will deny all guesses however bc a certain someone doesn't need to know about that
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um. i've never thought about football😁😁
#the way i posted and deleted immediately earlier becaues i got embarrassed. my ass got too gay about this and it made me feel SHY#unbelievable#idc my blog i do what i want etc etc#anyway. well. this is NAWT going on the art blog because i don't need my friend pointing fingers#doodle#btext#would be so awesome so cool if i cleaned this up but i know i will not <3
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