#i don't actually want to leave my job
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you know when something happens and you're like "eh that's annoying but not a big deal" and then hours later your brain pops back in like "hey! surprise!! i'm actually super upset about this!"
#its annoying af#mb i will actually look at open jobs tonight#i don't actually want to leave my job#i just want to be treated with respect by my coworkers#which is a rlly fucking low bar that most coworkers manage to clear#except for the ones i'm stuck working with the most#personal#like my ''career coach'' is going on sabbatical for 3-4 months#and never actually told me#i found out bc my sister told me in secret and then my shitty PM told me#and then today said career coach popped in to be like btwz before i leave! what do you think about this career coach!#and i'm like. okay like i know i know but YOU NEVER TOLD ME#and shitty PM basically made me get on a call to be mad at me for ''making her look bad'' and ''calling into question her integrity#and quality of her work'' when like a) she didn't even fucking DO the work in question b) it was a CLIENT'S decision i was talking abt and#c) DO BETTER FUCKING WORK THEN#and then by the end of the call had wrapped around to being like haha yeah the client def actually did what u said [even tho she'd been mad#BC she claimed they hadn't]#idk i'm just getting rlly genuinely frustrated both with all of this dumb shit#and then like. if i am actually getting paid 20k below what a man who now#has a title BENEATH mine#and the PM's continuing shittiness + the lack of anything actually changing#ugh
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pete + outfits
#tumblr don't nuke me for the first gif challenge thank u#i've been wanting to make this set for forever so here it is#it was supposed to be 3x3 but how could i leave any of these out#did we need the variations on the suit? yes absolutely im so glad u asked i actually need ep 7 post casino pete carnally#im actually quite proud of the colouring all across the board. good job me#pete#pete saengtham#vegaspete#kinnporsche#kinnporsche the series#bl shows#my gifs#userboots#taggingmarion#saturntracks
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(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
#I've had the cutest interaction today#So like yesterday? There was this post I saw on my dash that was like “you want to know extra info about museums? Just befriend a–#guide! That way you can also unlock the Secret Backscene” and I was like. Lmao. Who could ever befriend a museum guide I've never–#even personally met anyone who works at museums?#... Well. Guess what happened today#I was following this guided museum tour with a friend and when the tour came to an end I was happily chatting with her when the guide.#Shyly chimed in and was like “is that an Atsushi keychain?” And I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#And I was like‚‚ omg‚‚‚ Do you happen to know‚‚‚ This one series‚‚‚‚‚‚#And they unsheathed their phone like a fbi distinctive in American movies to show me their fyo/zai background amjdsgawsjda it was SO cute.#They were adorable. And I got so embarassed but trying to keep my cool while internally I was like‚‚‚#Omg the Cool Museum Guide™ is talking with me about my hyperfixation‚‚‚‚‚‚ What is happening#We talked a bit about the manga it was such a nice and sweet exchange. They said they like Dostoyevsky and I was like yeah he's so cool!!!#They said they're sorry about Bram it was REALLY cute (´；ω；｀)#I didn't want to hamper them too much so I took my leave shortly after but I'd actually really like to pay visit again–#when the new chapter is out??#Hhhhhhh I don't want to look stalkery and like go look for them on their job. But also like‚ they looked genuinely happy and as excited as–#I was when we were chatting and I believe in the power of human connections through shared hyperfixations#The possibly funnier part is that then my friend went “Wait you're into b/ungo stray dogs??” and like alright. This is less surprising.#I already knew she likes manga.#What actually left me quite baffled was that... She really didn't know I was into b/sd. When it's literally what I think about 24/7#Something very similar happened just a week ago. My friend gifted me a manga volume of a series she really likes for my birthday#But when she was giving it to me she awkwardly went “oh‚ just‚ it features romance between two guys. I hope that's okay with you...”#And I internally had to pause and realize that no.#In fact most of the people I hang out with don't know I spend half my time curating a bl focused blog.#It's just funny in a way? I got so used to concealing my hyperfixations I didn't even realize I actually got quite good at passing–#for someone who is normal about stuff.#random rambles
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im being so so brave but also i am gripping you by the shoulders and leaning in and letting you know i am so tired of being brave
#my job has invented new and even more agonizing ways to make itself stressful to endure#and that isn't even counting the fact that i've now seriously fucked up my wrist transporting 30lb boxes up and down stairs#or the fact that i occasionally get piercing shoulder pains if i'm not super careful about how i use the hand truck#or the fact that whenever i come home on mondays my entire lower body is so sore that i can't move beyond a weak shuffle#it's the fact that my boss has no sense of organization#so my supervisor and i are basically salvaging or starting from scratch every week#it's the fact that some of our clients are asking for things we're not even contracted to provide#like access to our company materials or additional resources outside of our scheduled bookings#and that there's this constant looming threat of 'ohhh don't be bad at your job!! or else we'll lose our contract with these people!!'#but 'bad at your job' in this case means 'not bending over backwards to accommodate the least accommodating circumstances possible'#like 'hey you need to lead this training exercise meant for 20 people except actually you only have 4 people'#'and actually none of them are familiar with the prerequisites for this training or have any experience with the skills'#'and also none of them want to be there and half of them just Don't Do These Things as a rule'#'and if you try to make them do anything they don't want to do (even if it's literally the point of the training) they Will leave'#'and then we will no longer have enough clients to pay you'#like. what am i doing. this company was not designed to work with this format. we're not an arts and crafts group or a club meeting#hi so i wrote this post before starting weekend work prep#it has been 3 hours now#im still not done#i haven't eaten and my wrist hurts so bad#i need to.................. take a break................................
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hello all! I have one ga tit ticket available for red bank, nj on tuesday 11/26. Sold!
The tldr: you’ll have a great seat (center orchestra, row m, seat 112) for $30, plus I’ll give you my vip merch bundle.
Longer slightly more complicated details under the cut:
the other day, I lucked out by randomly purchasing a front row seat to the red bank show after a last minute decision to try and go. Wild. But bc I’m a financially irresponsible maniac who is in way too deep with these fuckers, I also just bought a silver vip ticket to red bank so that I can attend the preshow. The silver vip assigned seat is great, but I’d like to sit in the front row seat that i bought for the show itself.
So here’s what I’d like to do…. I'd transfer you my front row general admission ticket to gain entry to the show but with the mutual understanding that you’d actually be buying the seat associated with my silver vip ticket (center orchestra, row m, seat 112). That means your ticket would say a different seat than where you'd be sitting, but it would still be in the same section of the theatre, and it's still a great seat!
Because this is undeniably kind of wack of me and I feel a little weird about the way I’ve sorta gamed the system, I want to try and sell the ticket for just $30 along with my vip silver swag (tote, photocards, lanyard, mini poster, bracelet, plus I’ll throw in some of my photo cards from the previous show I went to as well.) I just really don’t want that seat to go to waste. lmk if you or anyone you know may be interested!
#the perils of a having a job and an actual paycheck#the perils of impulsivity#the perils of an obsessive personality#the perils of having too much time on my hands#the perils of having a nice boss who says sure you can leave work early on tuesday!#no but seriously if someone doesn't buy this i'll just try to give it away for free#i don't want to hoard two seats and have one go to waste#tit tour#dan and phil#tit red bank#terrible influence tour
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Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...
#i'm two seconds away from nuking everything in my queue and drafts out of spite#but i don't feel good about that bc there's innocent collateral#this is tumblr‚ the place you're supposed to fucking share the stuff that your friend's and other people are making#and i get it‚ it's not possible to like and reblog everything here‚ i understand that and i'm not expecting that#it just sucks constantly feeling like no one gives a shit about the stuff you're proud of and put effort into‚ y'know?#there's an entire subsection of this fandom that basically ignores any vper that isn't running modded on pc#which is like half the fucking fandom and i definitely pissed some of those people off just for choosing who i associate with#i've been writing in this fandom for three years now and i still don't feel like i have any fucking writing friends#or a good place to get technical support#the writing associates i do have either don't read anything i write or when they do won't comment for some inexplicable reason#(if you're an author on ao3 you know‚ first hand‚ damn well how much comments mean to authors‚ so what's the deal?)#(if you actually don't like it‚ it's fine‚ don't even touch the kudos button‚ no one has to know you were there)#i'm traumatized from my previous discord experiences and am very reluctant to let people into my circle without vetting them first#even tumblr communities is a struggle for me because it still feels a like a popularity/social influence contest#and i know i'm fucking slow#sue me for having a life outside of the internet and wanting to be mindful and thoughtfully engaged with other people's artwork#i talk to people in the tags#i've been leaving comments on every fic i read now#i'm not expecting people to bend over backwards for me#but fostering community and friendships requires mutual exchange#and it's shitty feeling like you're generosity is constantly being fucking wasted#i'm trying to keep it fun around here but a lot aren't helping with that and this isn't a job for one person#sorry not sorry for the rant but i've been feeling very salty about this as of late#i know the holidays can be stressful and the fandom in general has been slowly shrinking which has probably exacerbated these issues#a lot of folks have moved on#but these issues have always been here and they aren't magically going to go away unless people work on them#i'm not expecting anything i make to break the bank at this point but when your friends won't even put your crappy art on the fridge anymor#like why are we here?#i also don't understand the people who are following me but never interact with anything i make???#rambling into the void
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#mom asked me to cook breakfast so I made the usual but for some reason it's too salty apparently#(it doesnt)#so now she's telling me that I'm a failure followed by a bunch of sermon on why I should leave my job and get married to a girl and#shave my beard and don't eat anymore so I can actually be happy and not useless#(apparently I'm not happy now) and also says thank you mockingly. Great mom#what a fun trip#also ive been telling them can we go to this specific shop i wanna see if i can find cheaper steam deck there and they all start getting#angry on me on how selfish i am for just asking that#and how i dont care about my mom because my mom isnt interested on used game stores#like what the fuck#i paid all of the tickets for her here why the fuck am i not allowed to go to where i want#pissing me off#i wanna go homeeeeee#honestly im not excited about this trip no more i just wanna go home and just go back to work and then at night i draw and play ffxiv#the only one excited i have is disneyland on the last day but i can think of several ways they ruin it too#my mom definitely will be like im tiredd go find a chair and so i have to wait for her#i hate this trip
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you can quit your shit job but what they never tell you is there is no way out of the labyrinth
#me when i quit my shit job: well now i guess i have to find other shit job#you can't actually walk out of the academy just quit you can leave. you're stuck forever. the cycle repeats but different#sometimes you just have to relish the feeling of quitting because it's the closest to leaving you can get without Leaving leaving#and i don't want that there are beverages here#sigh. i should clean my closet or cut my hair again#i didn't even quit anything today i'm just feeling the urge
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today after work i sat in the car in the parking lot for 30 straight minutes staring at my phone ("vegetarian options near me") staring out the windshield at the gray sky (slowly getting darker) staring at my phone ("hi [manager] i was not cool with") and staring out the windshield trying to swallow some seething and a headache to drive back with a cool head.
i don't - i don't get angry. not really. frustrated, grumpy, irked, annoyed - sure. i am not moved to out-loud anger: raised voice, yelling, outbursts. whatever rises I am capable of biting back.
kept my cool long enough to get a Vegetarian Options Near Me (note: bad) and long enough after that to go buy ingredients that i can make food with in a hotel microwave. took care of some of the needs of the flesh. called partner. could relay nothing but the insanity of the work conversations and, in speaking, heard again the words that had driven me to muteness earlier
"I would have just said 'what the fuck' out loud" says the phone.
and I had, alone, in my car, quietly, "what is wrong with you" and "what the fuck" and "what is your problem", but not in conversation.
for which i am giving myself several gold stars today and resolving for tomorrow:
* literally leave the conversation and walk away while they're talking to you if they don't give you grace to leave
* don't play their games
* data, document, propose solution. ask for nothing. especially permission to do your damn job
* buy a fucking soldering iron.
#i don't want to give voice to too many things from today but christ alive#but for one congrats on staying late and giving me shit for leaving at hour 9.5 when I'm an 8 hour worker and not letting me leave#the conversation until I pulled the narcolepsy card????#wow you're so cool and devoted spending hours after people leave doing your job extra shittily for extra time. cool.#i am trying to Leave. let me leave#im sure all the overtime makes your dick massive.#also i think i Will actually listen to people who DO the work even if they don't have degrees you asshole#no shit people who Do The Thing have insights about it#they even have ideas like use a soldering iron which your massive credentialed brain can't conceive of.#“it'll get too hot” have you heard of an adjustable temperature soldering iron. will you believe me if I tell you they exist. no? no? what?#every suggestion smacked down#don't talk down to me. don't you talk down#you are so phenomenally bad at your job and also an asshole.#don't tell me “this isn't a problem” i have video of the problem#don't fucking. put words in my mouth and then argue with them#let me do my fucking job wjhich is. fixing your shitty job fucnnsnaskkdjandjdjajsnndjdkajandnndnsjandbbdbandndnnsna#uncharitable#i am not going to type up the whole pile but let it be said : for a dozen more insane madhouse things : what the fuck#the most combative noncollaborative xmambabdjsbsjajsj
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i need a new strategy for like, cleaning my room and doing yoga and reading and leaving the house. the adhd has reached mythic levels of bad. i have the thought, "i should do X," and then i won't move. i make a to-do list and i won't do anything on it. i queue up a yoga practice and i won't do it. i stare at my room and get stressed out about how cluttered it is. i write 3000 words of notes for a fic i don't even know if i'm going to write. i think and i think and i think about my OCs and they won't let me write them. i spend hours looking at stuff i can't buy. i take like an hour to write this.
#rum.txt#i have to do something about my phone...........#i might be able to uninstall tumblr#i can't uninstall twitter because the stupid fucking thing turns off notifications when you do#so i wouldn't be able to catch up on the accs i have notifs on for#(a very small list of forcebook- and kaibaek-related accs)#i can't uninstall instagram because of forcebook again lol#i also use it for recipes sigh#but i might start just... leaving it in my room when i get up and see how that goes#i'd also have to try to not look at my phone first thing in the morning#i also have to start actually getting up in the morning#i think that's the main thing#ok maybe when i take my medication in the evening i start getting ready for bed#it'll take long enough that it'll probably still be late but reasonable late#and not like. almost 3 am like now#one of the problems with my room right now is that i have a lot of STUFF#and i'm afraid of getting rid of the STUFF#because the last time i got rid of a bunch of STUFF#(mostly clothes)#i totally regretted most of it and i'm still like ah shit i don't have that anymore? :(#but also i have a big bed that i just want OUT of there#and a huge wardrobe that unfortunately holds a lot of the STUFF#so i don't know where all the STUFF would go#and every job i apply to sucks#and every job i actually want is TERRIFYING in both its unattainability and the miniscule possibility of its improbable successful executio#so i'm like stressed out about a thing that hasn't happened to make something that hasn't happened that i'm also stressed out about#every possible scenario whether i want it or not feels like it could lead to a meltdown because everything is so god damn hard right now#AND I FEEL SO!!!!!! SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the worst part is that i know all this is because my stupid fucking period is coming up#but just because my hormones are making me feel overwhelmed and melodramatic about everything doesn't make anything i've said untrue
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Didn't know how much I wanted that job until I got the rejection email 🥲
#i mean. i knew i wanted it#because it's my dream job#i had an internship there a few years ago and loved it#i wasn't sure i was ready to move back closer to home because i really love my job and friends and community where i am#but i do miss my family and i don't want to miss my sister's entire adolescence#i went off to college when she was 3#she is now 10#and she needs her sister 🥺#so yeah i'm actually surprised i'm fighting tears at this#i also miss autumn. boy do i miss living somewhere with seasons#could be because a friend recently passed away and like me his family lived far far away#and that puts things in perspective#anyway i'm gonna leave work early and console myself by buying a fall scented candle at target#🥲#i have to remind myself i've only been in the job market for like a year and a half#of course i wasn't the most qualified candidate out of 175#but i had at least hoped to be referred to a hiring manager#federal jobs are dang near impossible to attain in my field of work#tag rant
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finally went and got my GED diploma a year after i graduated :)))))
#the check in woman was like 'come on you cant leave without saying bye first!' and iwas like nonononono please no#she made me go talk to the woman who single handedly delayed my graduated by 6 months.#who is annoying as fuck and super classist and pro college.#when she asked what i do for work i was like 'an educator' and she was like 'oh so you've used the free college credits to get your early#childhood education?' and i was like 'uhhh no. still just as against college as i was last year. i don't plan to be an educator for long.'#and she goes well what do you want to do (not your fucking business lady. at all.) and then when i said 'anything' bc real people don't hav#the choice of their dream job or nothing. real people have to just take whatever is available to them--esp in our dead town.#and she was like 'oh come on in during the summer! I'm here for summer school! can take a bunch of tests to find out what your dream job is#can figure out what colleges youd like!'#i was just like ''yeahhhhhh. anyway have a good day' and fucking left.#i was actually debating going to college just a month ago. for the first time in my life i was seriously debating college bc it was my#choice and n oone had been pushing college to me for years. and then she starts this bullshit and im even more anti college than i was in#highschool#anti college#college is a scam#not to mention 'come in during the summer to take completely unnecessary summer school after youve graduated with almost a perfect score'#???? seriously how entitled do you think you are to my time?#i have work this summer. i have plans this summer. and even if i didnt i sure as fuck wouldnt spend my time being preached at about how#im wasting my life and dooming myself to poverty bc i dont want to go 6 figures in debt#and lost 4+ years of time i could be earning wages.
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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also i do still love the idea of swapping claire and leon's re2 scenarios but i cannot help but think that the scene with sherry and chief irons would have been a LOTTT worse with leon instead of claire
#arry plays re2#like. the guy already barely held back with claire. he was fully ready to kill her if either her or sherry didn't do what he wanted#also the game takes place in 1998. i think he would have been a lot more liberal with the punches if it were leon instead#i think about this regularly actually. i don't know if the police uniform would make it better or worse for him#probably worse. idk from what i've seen from leon's campaign it does seem like he met irons before. probably when he got the job#idk if the recognition would do him much good though.#hm what to tag this.#idk if it necessarily warrants a tw?#idk re2 goes hard into the corruption and corporate greed side of things. idk about the original but its a HUGE part of the narrative#in the remake. i kinda wonder how much chris shared with claire about the events of the first gamw#probably not much. she seems pretty clueless about it all and he doesn't seem to have reached out to her like. at ALL#and neither has jill for that matter 🤔 oh man i gotta play re3 after this too#i know the remake for re3 wasn't that good apparently but there was something abt jill being suspended in that game#so she may not have seen chris' letter but i really don't know#iirc jill seemed pretty set on leaving the city too. she might have quit#which. i do Not blame her akdjskdjs i would quit too after that bullshit#anyways! :D good game so far. even with mr. x getting all up in my business#he can fuck off but like it was the only time i've been actually scared so far sodjskfjdknfd#i also love claire's little comments/insults towards the zombies akdjskfjsjf#'what the hell is up with you???' claire girl they're fucking dead#well. undead technically. still. that's what's up with them.#violence tw#yeah it does warrant the tw actually
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I don't know what it is about me that people always assume they can treat me like shit
#maybe im overreacting but my manager is obviously upset i got sick bc he wanted me to do stuff FOR HIM like#bestie all my projects are on schedule and my 4 days of absence won't affect that so you shouldn't give a fuck#and i won't be working from home on my sick leave for a minimum wage job#and my other coworker who i thought she actually liked me she didn't even thank me for the job i did for her on Friday when she couldn't be#at the office bc she had sick kids#idk what it is about me that I cannot be treated like a normal human being deserving respect instead of being treated like shit#i don't work there for long but I've never missed a day. i was nice to everyone and usually worked fast and efficiently with ease#the people i work with from outside the office even complimented me and are very understanding now about my illness#because i emailed them about my absence#but people working at the office make me kinda anxious tbh#the only girl who helped me and supported me when i was scared of my manager was some ultra catholic girl whom i like but#I didn't expect us to become some sort of work friends#apparently it's good to have a proper catholic by your side#posted by me
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I'm bored at work so I'm seeing if I should report my old company for violating labor standards.
#totes bro#im so close but it is so obvious it would be me because i used to complain about this all the time#they dont inform their immigrant workers of their rights and so they dont like understand how their timecard works#and thr company advises them to take the least expensive insurance policy because they 'are healthy and don't need it'#but i know one couple wants fertility treatments but couldnt afford it because of that#they dont have the required posters#they also knowingly continue osha violations which i held a meeting over and was told this doesnt apply to us#which uhm it says it does on the Web site so i disagree#all of this is like why i left and what caused me to leave#and literally lying to me and another guy that we would get promotions for the work we did#and then they hired someone else to do the job making our promotions unnecessary and they were like hmmmm sorry#idk they like got a ton worse and i think the president got more reactionary which caused this#not sure how many of these count but thats not for me to decide anyway#oh and cleanliness standards but i actually fixed a lot of those..... fulfilling the role that promotion role that was promised#my coworkers here are like 'absolutely report the hell out of that place' because we do code violations lol#every time i say something they go 'that could be a violation :)'#they paid someone on a salary basis when they were under the salary pay and therefore should have gotten overtime
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