#i don’t think they were always unhappy in each other’s presence

[fruitageoforanges]

apparently it’s eliarhaegar hours so:

the thing that drives me absolutely nuts about them is how they have so little in common. completely different frames of reference. dorne and king’s landing, the least repressive of the seven kingdoms and the epicentre of westerosi feudalism. a loving family, a family rotten to the core with incest and abuse. the political world, the world of prophecies and doom and dragon blood. they were doomed from the start. they were so, so doomed, they could barely begin to understand each other yet their lives are bound together, and that makes me insane. two completely different worlds colliding and, while they might’ve been able to coexist in each other’s orbit for a while, the collision and the shattering itself are slow, beautiful and inevitable.

[bad268]

Uh hiii, I was wondering if you could do a Colby x pregnant reader or part 2 of the one you already did, where a ghost starts to get physical with yn and Colby gets worried

If not that's ok too, no rush :)

Frank Told Us Pt. 2 (Colby Brock X Pregnant! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Sam and Colby & Co

Requested: Clearly (I LOVE THIS MATE)

Warnings: Doesnt explicitly say it but implies possible miscarriage

POV: Third Person (She/her)

W.C. 1716

Summary: Someone's unhappy, and Colby finds out exactly what he needs to protect Y/n from.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

<-Part 1

~~(^Pinterest)

“I’m gonna be a dad!”

“Yeah, Frank just told us.”

“Well, now that that’s out of the way,” Y/n laughed as she and Kat walked back into the living room where the rest of their friends were standing. She walked up to Colby before pulling him aside. He already knew what was coming, so he leaned against the wall and pulled her against him by her waist. “We need to set some ground rules. We’re already here, so we’re not leaving before the week is up.”

“But what if-” Colby tried to interject.

“I said we’re not leaving, Cole,” She snapped, putting her hand over his mouth. “I am still capable of doing the investigation for the week, so we are not leaving just because you know I’m pregnant now. Secondly, which I don’t think you will object to, but I’m not doing solo investigations. I wasn’t going to anyway, but now, I don’t need to make up an excuse for why.”

“Yeah, that one’s valid,” Colby admitted with a light laugh as he left butterfly kisses on your shoulder. “I’m not letting you out of my sight now.”

“You’re going to have to when you and Sam do the solo investigations because I can guarantee that Kat isn’t going to do them,” She laughed with him as she leaned into his body and moved her arms to rest against his shoulder. She played with the hairs at the nape of his neck as she leaned in to kiss him. She pulled away after a moment, causing Colby to chase her lips to keep kissing her. She chuckled lightly as she leaned away. “As much as I would love to stay here in your arms, I think it’s time we head back.”

“Can we just wait a second?” He chuckled as he let out a breath, hiding his face in her shoulder as an arm tightened around her waist while the other moved to rest against her stomach. “Maybe I just wanna hug my girlfriend for a minute after finding out she’s pregnant. Let me have this.”

~

Most of the week went smoothly. There were obviously times that scared the group, and they all had to take breaks, but honestly, for the conjuring house, they were all expecting worse. They got some good evidence, and they had very interesting conversations. Unfortunately, Frank did not come through much, but the group was able to talk with other relatives and spirits of the house.

Currently, it was day four of seven. Sam, Colby, and Y/n were all sitting in the attic, recuperating while waiting for the next special guests to arrive. Kat had to head home, but she agreed to pick up and drop off some food. Kat had texted Y/n a few minutes prior, letting her know that she was almost there, so when Y/n heard knocking coming from downstairs, she assumed it was Kat.

“Kat’s brought the food!” Y/n cheered as she jumped off the bed she was sitting on with Colby. Then, she turned to Colby and joked, “I’ll race you.”

“You’re on,” Colby smirked as he took off down the stairs with Y/n trailing just behind him. Ironically, Sam started recording on his phone, mainly just wanting to have proof of who beat who. Sam adjusted to get the perfect view of his two friends running down the stairs as they chased each other. 

All of a sudden, Y/n felt a presence behind her, thinking it was Sam. That is until she felt a hand push her on her back, followed by heat. She stumbled down the last couple of steps. She immediately shrieked and grabbed onto Colby’s shoulders as she lost her footing. This almost caused Colby to lose his own footing if he was not so used to her randomly running up behind him and jumping onto his back.

“Did you trip?” He chuckled at first as he grabbed her hands to hold her securely against his back and walked down the last couple of steps. Then, with a smile on his face, he turned to face her, but his face dropped immediately as he saw her grimace. “Are you okay? Did you hurt your leg or something?”

“Y/n!” Sam yelled, still holding his phone recording, as he ran down the stairs to see Colby holding her up. “You’re not gonna believe this! There was a handprint on your shirt!”

“Wait, a handprint?!” Colby responded, just as loudly. His eyes darted from Y/n’s face to Sam multiple times before he led her to the living room. He kneeled in front of her, held her hands, and helped her breathe. “Was that before or after she fell?”

“She fell?” Sam asked, confused. He did not even notice her fall after being distracted by seeing such a clear handprint on her shirt.

“Did you not see it? She screamed!” Colby snapped as he glared at Sam for a second before returning to Y/n when she whimpered in pain.

“Can you bicker like a married couple after one of you check my back? It’s burning so bad,” Y/n said painfully as she moved to sit toward the end of the couch and leaned onto Colby’s shoulder. Sam took the lead as he set his phone to the side, forgetting to stop the recording, as he slowly and carefully lifted her shirt. Y/n hissed in pain again, and now Sam could see why. Colby watched Sam’s eyes widen in shock as he froze. “What is it?”

“Y/n, don’t freak out-” Sam started but Y/n and Colby cut him off.

“It’s too late for that!”

“Okay okay! Uh, Y/n, you have five scratch marks down your back. Like someone dug all of their nails into your back, and three of them are bleeding,” Sam explained quickly as he lightly tapped the top of the scratch near her shoulder blades and the bottom near the bottom of her ribs.

“You’re lying, Sam,” Colby said in disbelief as he gently pulled away to see for himself. “Holy shit! Y/n you need to get out of here.”

Colby did not want to waste any time, so he pulled Y/n off the couch and out to the car. Thankfully, they had a first-aid kit in the car, and Colby left one of his hoodies in the car on accident, but it came in handy now. Sam followed them out with their main filming camera, not recording yet, but ready if Y/n was okay with it. 

“Y/n, am I allowed to record this?” Sam asked because consent is important and this is a traumatic thing. Sam was not going to push her boundaries.

“Yeah, sure, but where is Kat? She knocked on the door,” Y/n asked as she pulled her shirt off and turned her back to the boys, so Sam could get a shot of the damage, and Colby could help clean it.

“Kat’s not here,” Sam replied baffled. Kat had texted him just before the whole ordeal started, saying that she was stopping to pick up your favorite ice cream as a little treat and totally not bribery for godmother status. He knew she was at least 20 minutes away, so he was confused as to why Y/n thought Kat was there.

“The knocking. I thought it was Kat,” Y/n trailed off as she started thinking through the events. “What if the ghost, whoever it is, wanted to get me to go downstairs for this? What if I did not tell Colby to race? I would’ve fallen down the stairs and maybe…I don’t want to think about that.”

“Was this what Frank was talking about?” Sam suggested, turning the camera from your back to Colby, whose focus was finally broken as he placed the last bandage on her back. COlby’s eyes widened as he slowly turned to Sam. “Protect Y/n…”

“Protect me from what? What’s happening?” Y/n rapid-fired as she put on Colby’s XPLR hoodie that he left in the car. When she turned around, it looked like Sam and Colby saw a ghost. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“When we found out you were pregnant, Frank came through and told me to protect you,” Colby explained as they all sat or stood around the car. “I thought it was when you fell on the ice. That’s why I ran up to you so panicked, but I think Frank knew that some negative entity was going to hurt you. I’ll be honest, I don’t think you should stay here for the rest of the week.”

“How would Frank know that?”

“Maybe he heard something through the grapevine,” Sam proposed, “Satori and Cody said that the spirits were asking for us, so it would make sense if Frank heard something.”

“Honestly, I really don’t want you to stay here,” Colby said seriously as Kat pulled up. Sam took this as a good time to head over to her and explain everything that just happened, and it would give Y/n and Colby a chance to talk. “You could’ve gotten hurt and worse, the baby. I don’t want to risk that. I may have just found out, but I can’t risk anything happening to either of you. I promised you on our first date that I would protect you with my life, and I’m telling you, this is for the best. Please, please don’t fight me on this.”

“You say that like I’d want to go back in that house!” Y/n laughed nervously as she felt herself start crying as the emotions of the event finally caught up to her. Colby immediately wrapped his arms around her carefully as he stroked her hair to calm her down. “Colby, that spirit did not want me in that house. If I hadn’t challenged you to a race, I…Colby. I can’t even think about that. Colby, I’m not going to fight it because I need to think about them too, and honestly, I’m fine with going home or staying in a hotel for the next few days. I don’t care, I just don't want to go back in that house.”

“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I promise.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[deakyjoe]

Taste Your Lips Of Wine

Pairing: Papa Emeritus IV/Copia x Reader (fem, afab)

Category: smut, angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Summary: Copia needs help when being wine drunk creates a problem.

Warnings: 18+, smut, dry humping/grinding, pillow humping, explicit mentions of sex, horny Copia, horny reader, angst, loneliness, crying, Copia’s a bad friend (but makes up for it), Copia is also slightly perverted but knows it, friends to lovers, getting wine drunk, several mentions of erections, swearing/cursing, poorly translated Italian (topina = little mouse), let me know if I missed anything!

Word count: 6k (it was going to be longer but I decided to split it into 2 parts)

A/N: We’re back with more dry humping with Copia! This was inspired by the knowledge that apparently he humps things when drunk (source: Tobias Forge somewhere I think). This will have a part 2 at some point but it’s not yet finished so don’t know when that will be. Enjoy!

Consider buying me a coffee :)

Being best friends with the leader of the clergy had its downfalls.

"What do you mean you're cancelling again?" You asked with a huff, hands planted firmly on your hips as you stared him down.

Copia shifted from foot to foot, knowing how much he was upsetting you. There was nothing he disliked more than upsetting you. But he didn't have a choice. "I'm sorry, I know. But I promise I'll make it up to you."

You turned away from him with a low groan, he'd made that promise the last three times. All you wanted was one night with him. One night to hang out together, catch each other up on the gossip of your lives over a bottle of wine. One night with your best friend. It wasn't much to ask for. And your empathy for the business of his situation only extended so far. "Fine, yeah."

"Topina..." He mumbled, taking a couple of hurried steps towards you.

Your eyes screwed shut at the use of the pet name, you knew he was only using it to soften you up. Copia had an unintentional manipulative streak to him, unaware of how easy it was for him to shape you and your thoughts. But you figured that was on you, and your unconditional affection for him.

Another downfall of being his best friend. He was easy to forgive.

Looking back over your shoulder at him, you plastered a smile on your face. "It's okay, really. I know you're busy. Just... we'll reschedule."

Again.

He watched you for a moment, mismatched eyes willing you to break and confess how truly saddened you were at the prospect of another lost evening with him. But you stayed strong. If Copia had to list a downfall of being friends with you, he'd say it was your unwillingness to tell him when you were disheartened over something he'd done. He could always sense it in you, he just didn't know why you refused to admit it.

So he nodded and looked on as you turned away from him again, pretending to busy yourself with something on the desk in front of you.

Before his own guilt could walk him out of the room, he forced himself towards you. Stopping just a mere couple of inches behind you, Copia watched as you tensed up at his presence before wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

"I'm sorry, topina." He whispered in your ear. He knew the position was intimate, especially for outsiders who viewed the two of you as just friends, but you and Copia had never shied away from the more personal of actions. "I will cancel all future clergy meetings if it will make you happy"

You relaxed back against him, resting your palms over the tops of his gloved hands as you sighed. "All future clergy meetings? So not this one?"

Copia grumbled something under his breath. "Unfortunately not."

You could hear in his voice how unhappy he was with the situation as well, so you decided to push your own feelings aside. As you always did for him.

You turned in his grip and cupped his face in your palms. "Just let me know when you're next free and I'll be there with a bottle of wine and two glasses."

"No, I shall bring the wine. The least I can do for being such a bad friend." He frowned at you, trying to tally up in his head how many times he actually had cancelled on you recently. The numbers weren't looking good.

You shook your head. "You're not a bad friend. You are, however, a good Papa."

He averted his gaze out of embarrassment, tips of his ears burning pink. "I can be both at once."

You thought that over. It was true, and the angry part of you wanted to agree. He was being a bad friend by cancelling so often after promising you just a fraction of his time. But the other part of you, the part that adored him more than anything, and regretfully the part that ruled the majority of you, wouldn't allow such a thing to slip past your lips. "Don't be foolish, Copia."

His eyes flashed back to yours.

"You are a good friend. The best friend I could ask for." You placed a quick kiss on his cheek before waving your hands at him in a dismissive motion. "Now go. You have important Papa things to be getting to, I'm sure."

He watched you again for another moment, silently begging for you to just confess that you were frustrated with him. But you stayed quiet. So he leaned forward, left a lingering kiss on your forehead, and then left the room, and you, as he went to deal with whatever had caused him to cancel in the first place.

You collapsed into the closest chair and held the tears back, no matter how much they stung your eyes or made the back of your throat ache. You wouldn't allow them to fall. You wouldn't cry again over your best friend abandoning you for another evening. You wouldn’t…

Staring at the clock, you debated the best way to spend your suddenly free evening as the first tear cascaded down your cheek.

That was another downfall of being best friends with the leader of the clergy. It left you rather lonely.

Copia couldn't believe his luck when only an hour later he was being informed that the meeting, the one he'd broken his best friend's heart in favour of, had been cancelled. Sister Imperator had come down with some sort of illness. She was sort of integral to the whole thing which meant proceedings couldn't go forward without her.

Attempting not to jump for joy at the news of her being sick, Copia raced down to the cellars where he knew the good wine was kept. He could only hope that you were still in your office where he'd left you earlier, as this was his opportunity to make up to you all those lost nights. And what better way to start than grabbing two bottles of wine rather than the usual singular one.

As he hurried towards where he hoped to find you, he debated what way was best to inform you that he was now free. He didn't want you to think that you were second choice, that he was only there because the clergy meeting had been cancelled. Whilst it was partly true, you were always first in his head, and his heart, but he often didn't have much choice when it came to splitting his time. He had to attend official clergy business. Which meant you were granted only spare moments. Copia knew it was unfair and he wanted to change it. But how?

He felt over the moon when he saw that the light in your office was still on. You hadn't decided to spend your evening elsewhere.

All thoughts escaped him, however, when he burst through your office door with a smile, the two bottles of wine raised high in his hands, and found you crying.

Everything dropped. His smile, his hands to his sides, and his heart.

Your tear filled eyes shot towards him, sleeve of your shirt hurriedly wiping away all evidence of sadness, as you straightened up in your chair and tried to school your features into a more neutral expression. It didn't work, you knew he'd caught you.

The door was closed softly behind him before Copia rushed towards you, bottles of wine abandoned on your coffee table. "Topina, what's wrong?"

You looked away from him as he crouched in front of you, his efforts to get you to meet his gaze ignored. "Nothing, I'm fine."

Despite not thinking it possible, Copia's heart sank even more. He was the reason you were crying. Never before had he despised himself so much. "Please don’t lie to me."

"I'm not." You sniffled, hating how your voice cracked slightly. It wasn't helping your case. "I just- really, I'm fine."

"It's me who's made you cry." He said it as a statement more than a question and, when you said nothing to disagree with him, he knew he was right. "I wish you would tell me when I upset you. I can always tell but you're so reluctant to just say so."

"Because I know that it's stupid of me to be upset." You huffed, tugging on the sleeves of your shirt.

Copia's gloved hands grabbed yours to stop you from fidgeting. "Why is it stupid?"

You hesitated before answering, looking down at him crouched in front of you. It probably wasn't doing his knees any favours. You wondered how long he'd be able to hold the position for. "You're Papa now and you have important things to be doing, like running this place and spreading our message or whatever."

He held back a laugh at the use of 'or whatever' and said nothing to allow you to keep talking.

"But I-" You cut yourself off with a frown. "I want you to..."

A frown settled over Copia's face too as you trailed off. "What? What do you want?"

"I want you to make time for me. Selfishly." Your teeth clicked shut as the confession spilled. No turning back now. "I'm lonely and I miss you."

It was nothing he hadn't already guessed but hearing you say it out loud was a whole different matter. The guilt of it that had been slowly eating away at him since his promotion to Papa, that had dragged him away from you on too many occasions, solidified itself.

"Topina-"

You cut him off. "And I hate feeling like I'm being scheduled in. I want you to spend time with me because you want to. Not because you feel you have to. And not because you have a spare hour or two with nothing else to occupy you."

His heart shattered. "That's what you think this is?"

How had he managed to turn years of friendship, years of undying devotion to one another, into something that you thought was an obligation for him?

You shrugged and looked away from him. "When was the last time we spent any spontaneous time together? Everything is precisely coordinated to fit into your Papal duties."

His nostrils flared with his own effort to restrain tears. "Topina, there is nothing in this world I treasure more than you and our friendship. All that I do now as Papa is because I have to. You have always been a want. I want to make time for you. I want to spend time with you. You understand?"

You nodded slowly but he could see you weren't quite buying it.

"I know things are different now that I'm no longer just a Cardinal but please don't ever think for a second that I value you any less than I used to. Maybe I even value you more now for managing to put up with my ridiculous schedule, hehe." Copia chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood, stomach flipping when you let the smallest smile break out. "I'm sorry for how I've been treating you. It makes my chest ache to see you like this and to know I'm the cause of it."

He couldn't quite remember the last time he'd seen you cry. It wasn't a common thing, that was for sure.

"I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. Starting with-" He pointed over his shoulder with a thumb. "-two bottles of wine for tonight."

Your eyes widened briefly. You hadn't had time to wonder why he was back in your office after leaving only an hour previously. "Tonight? But I thought you-"

He cut you off with a wave of his hand. "Cancelled. I was so relieved when I found out because it meant I got to come back and spend the evening with you."

"Really?"

"Sì!" He stood up, groaning when his knees made a concerning sound. "Come on, let's begin the night officially. I want to hear everything you've been needing to tell me."

You took his hand with a smile and followed him over to your couch where the two of you sat side by side, your legs thrown over his as you always did. Glasses of wine were poured and all previous upset was forgotten.

You informed him of all the latest Siblings of Sin gossip, Copia let you in on a few clergy secrets. Laughs were exchanged, bottles of wine were drained, a pleasant buzz settled over you both, and the two of you somehow got impossibly closer as the night progressed. It wasn't uncommon for the two of you to be practically cuddling by the end of a long evening so when his arm landed around your shoulders and started tracing patterns up and down the length of your arm you thought nothing of it.

Copia didn't either until you adjusted the positioning of your legs over his and brushed against his crotch with one of your thighs. His breath hitched as all blood rushed straight to his dick. It was a reminder of why he usually limited his wine intake to a single shared bottle with you. It made him horny.

He desperately tried to focus on what you were saying as he hardened in his pants, begging the universe that you wouldn't notice. It didn't help that you were so close to him, when did you get so close, and that his hand was still moving gently over your arm and shoulder.

Firmly trying to remind himself that you were his best friend and that the proximity shouldn't have been making his cock twitch, he reached for a spare cushion and subtly tried to place it over his lap. It worked as you didn't pay any attention and carried on with your story.

Reminder: never bring two bottles of wine to an evening spent with you again.

Convinced he was now in the safe zone, Copia let his head rest against the back of the couch with his face turned towards you so you knew you still had his focus. What he didn't expect was for you to match the position. But instead rest your face against his arm, cheek pressed against his bicep. It also affected the way you were looking at him, eyes angled up to see through your lashes. He felt himself get harder.

Best friend, best friend, best friend.

The thought ran through his head screaming like a headless chicken. Could headless chickens scream? It didn't matter. What did matter was that being wine drunk apparently compelled him to think about what you'd feel like sat on his cock, clenching around his length, the noises you'd make-

His legs jolted up, jostling yours, as he twitched underneath the cushion.

Your head shot up, a look of worry crossing your face. "Are you okay?"

"Me? Oh, hehe, I'm fine." Copia replied through a tight jaw. He was a bad, bad man. "Just tired, I think."

You glanced towards the clock in the corner of the room by your desk. "It is getting late. Maybe we should head to bed."

"Good idea." He nodded enthusiastically, desperate to get away from you and distance his thoughts to something more appropriate. He shouldn't be thinking about fucking you. You were his best friend, his closest confidant. Why was he thinking about fucking you?

Damn wine.

"I've had a good time tonight." You smiled as you stood up from the couch. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I was feeling before."

"Me too, topina. And I swear, from now on, you are always my top priority." He shifted slightly, wondering how he was supposed to stand up without you noticing the raging hard on he was sporting.

Your smile softened. "You gonna sit there all night or...?"

"Right, yes." He hesitated before standing up, hands rushing to cover his crotch as he did so, stumbling a little in the sudden movement.

"Woah." You reached out to steady him, a giggle escaping you. "You should handle your wine better than this. You're Italian."

"I handle my wine just fine." He bit back playfully, ignoring the way your hands were grasping onto him and how it had his head swimming. "It's just been a long day."

"Mhm, okay." You nodded, unconvinced. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your room."

"That's not necessary." He said but followed you anyway. He couldn't understand why he was suddenly so sexually drawn to you. It couldn't just be the wine, right? It made him unbelievably horny, sure, but to this extent? And to his best friend no less?

You didn't reply as you started the route back to his dwellings, arm looped through his in an attempt to keep him upright.

Copia watched you out of the corner of his eye the whole way there, wondering when this primal attraction to you had started. It couldn't possibly have only begun that night, so strongly. He thought back on it. He'd never found you unattractive but, for some reason, your relationship had never taken that course. You'd been fast friends and that's the way it always had been. Why was the only thought on his mind now the idea of fucking your brains out?

Must be the wine. Definitely the wine.

Right?

All he knew for sure was that he couldn't wait to get back to his room so he could jerk the unclean thoughts of you away. His mind strayed to the concept of humping a pillow like a dog in heat. It seemed rather appealing, he'd always been a fan of dry humping. He wondered what it'd be like with you-

Stop.

Your voice knocked Copia out of his thoughts as you reached his door. "Do you need me to tuck you into bed or are you good now?"

He should have said he was good. He should have said goodnight. He should not have entertained the idea of you in his room when he was in this state. He should-

"Well, if you're offering." He grinned down at you, hoping to play it off as a joke.

You rolled your eyes at him as you opened his door, a smile tugging on the corners of your mouth. "Okay. Come on, Papa."

He bit down on his tongue at the use of his title. As often as you acknowledged his Papacy, you never directly referred to him as Papa. He'd always just been Copia to you. He liked it that way. His promotion hadn't changed the way you viewed him. But he couldn't deny the feelings that the use of Papa had stirred deep in his abdomen.

You guided Copia into his bedroom and left him to lean against one of the corners of his four poster bed as you started removing all of the decorative pillows from the surface of it.

"How many of these things does one guy need?" You snorted as you plucked another one with a lace trim and discarded it to the other side of the room.

Copia only watched on silently, the heat in his gaze increasing with every passing second. He wanted so desperately to banish the thoughts he was having. But how was he supposed to when you bent over his bed like that and gave him the perfect view of your ass? And why had you chosen to wear those jeans today?

He knew he couldn't have you, couldn't even bring up the subject with you. But what would one night with you be like? Just to get it out of his system. He was sure it was the wine doing all the decision making in his body so one night would surely cure him of all impure thoughts of you. Right?

He snapped out of it when you turned to look at him again, a wide smile brightening your face. It was a big turnaround from the way you'd been looking at him before with tears in your eyes. How bad of a friend was he to be thinking about you like this when only a few hours earlier he'd been making you cry.

"Need your pyjamas or are you too drunk to get changed?" You asked, eyes looking him up and down.

Copia froze when your eyes lingered on his crotch for a second too long. When had his hands stopped covering himself?

But you said nothing, only awaited an answer to your question.

"Not drunk." He mumbled and pushed himself off the pillar towards you. "But I'm fine. Thank you for walking me back. You can go to your own bed now."

Your breathing quickened as he stood only a foot or two in front of you. A dilemma had hit you. You always hugged goodnight. But how were you supposed to do that with the boner he was rocking. Were you even supposed to address it? But he was looking at you so expectantly. Did he even know what his body was doing? Or was he really that drunk?

So you just decided to bite the bullet and extended your arms out to him. Copia let out a visible sigh of relief, that you weren't repulsed by what his body was doing and running a mile away, as he collapsed into your embrace. His face got buried in your neck as his arms wound around your waist. You didn't fail to notice how he kept his pelvis angled slightly away from you. So he was aware.

You continued not to say anything on the matter as you did your usual hug routine of one arm around his shoulders and the other lifted so you could card your fingers through his hair.

Turns out, that was a big mistake.

Copia couldn't help himself. The sensation of your hand stroking through his greying locks and your nails scratching lightly at his scalp had his body going haywire. And you smelt so good. He had no control as his hips bucked forward into yours and a low whine rumbled from his throat.

The two of you froze instantly, bodies going rigid in each other's arms.

You didn't know what to do, mouth hanging open as all possible words escaped you. What you did know was that a twinge of something you'd never felt for him before had rocketed straight through you.

Copia was panicking, he was convinced he would be able to keep his sudden urges to himself. But all it had taken was a measly hug. So he resorted to what he'd been doing all evening. Apologising.

"Shit, I'm sorry. The wine, it makes me-" He paused as he didn't know what word to use.

But you came to his rescue.

"It's okay." You whispered, sliding your arms down and away from him. "You don't need to explain. Alcohol and bodily reactions and all that. It's good."

He pulled away from you and sat on the edge of his bed, sliding a gloved hand down his face. The leather came away marked black and white from his paints. He was beyond caring. "I'm still sorry, topina. It was inappropriate of me. Accept my apologies and promise me we'll never talk of it again."

"Talk of what?" You asked with a half smile, flattening the top of his hair. "Get some sleep. You could probably use it. Sleep off the wine. Goodnight, Copia."

"Goodnight." He huffed in reply, watching carefully as you exited his room and shut the door tightly behind you. He waited only a couple more seconds before grabbing the nearest pillow.

You, on the other hand, stood confused on the other side of his door for a moment. What had just happened? Copia was hard. In front of you. He'd rutted said hard on against you. Albeit briefly but still...

And you hadn't been entirely opposed to it.

You shook off the thought and started to make your way back to your room. However, you didn't get very far when you were stopped in your tracks by a dull thud and the sound of your best friend shrieking.

Instantly, you turned on your heel and practically ran straight back to his room. You were shocked to find, once you'd opened his door again, him sprawled on the floor and desperately grinding against a pillow.

"Oh." You breathed out, unable to move. It was like someone had glued your feet to the carpet. And fixed your eyes in place so you could only stare at him. "I heard you fall and I- I'm sorry."

That caught his attention as he suddenly stopped moving and tilted his head back to look at you. "Topina!"

"I shouldn't- shouldn't-"

Shouldn't what? You didn't know.

Copia looked at you with panic in his eyes as he stood up again. When had he fallen on the floor? "I'm fine. Sorry you had to see that."

Sorry?

"You don't need to be sorry." The twinge of something you'd felt before had returned. This time a lot stronger. And suddenly all rational thought was leaving you. "Do you want some help?"

It felt like his world suddenly crashed down around him. And all that was left was you.

Help? You couldn't possibly mean...

You saw the disbelief in his eyes so decided to clarify. "I'm suggesting we dry hump like horny teenagers, Copia."

Correction: you were his world.

What friend would suggest such a thing? You, apparently.

"You want to do that?" He asked hoarsely.

"Unless you're finding the pillow satisfactory." You glanced towards the rumpled item in question, still on the floor.

"No. I would much rather prefer a warm body."

"My warm body?" You questioned with a slightly teasing tone. "You seemed to like it a couple of minutes ago."

He felt himself blush at the reminder. "If you're offering."

The statement reflected one he'd said not long ago, when you'd suggested tucking him into bed. He couldn't believe how the night had turned out.

"Sit against your headboard." You instructed, shutting his door behind you and locking it for your own peace of mind. You highly doubted anyone was about to waltz into his bedroom at this hour but you'd rather not risk it. You didn't need anyone catching what you were about to do.

Copia didn't need to be told twice, practically jumping onto his bed and getting into position. He could feel himself burning with desire for you. A desire that was about to be fulfilled.

You took a deep breath as you looked at him, so eagerly waiting, before making your way over to him. "This is a one time thing. We don't speak about it again. Okay?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "Okay."

You paused at his bedside for a moment, wondering whether he'd considered this before judging on his reaction to the scenario, then crawled onto the bed and towards him. You kicked off your shoes and settled into a kneeling position next to him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" You asked, needing to make sure he was certain of the decision.

"Sì, are you?" He eyed you hungrily and impatiently.

The look in his eyes sent a burning sensation straight to the base of your belly. "I'm sure."

You scooted closer to him, accepting an outstretched hand to balance yourself as you swung one of your legs over him and settled yourself down onto his lap. He was rock hard beneath you.

Copia hissed as you settled your weight against him, hands flying to your waist to steady you. "This may not last as long as you think, topina."

"Pity, I expected a man of your age to not be a two pump chump." You smirked and shifted yourself minutely, revelling in the groan he let out. "Are you always like this when you're horny or is it the wine?"

He licked his bottom lip as he stalled his answer. "I can be... desperate and needy. The wine is making it worse, I think. Should stick to one bottle in future."

Your mind whirled at the thought of him being desperate and needy. You wondered if you could get him in that state tonight. "Need you to guide me to what feels good. Not sure how you want me."

Copia wanted you in all kinds of ways. He didn't say that aloud though. "I assure you anything you do will feel good. I am focusing right now on not coming with you just sat on top of me."

"Oh." Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. "The wine really got you wound up, didn't it?"

"The wine, yes." He replied as his hands slid down to your hips, tugging you to rock against him. The friction of that one simple movement caused his mouth to drop open in pleasure. He really wasn't lasting long tonight.

You watched in amusement as his eyes screwed shut when you did it again of your own accord. Shifting slightly, you tried to find a good angle for you. As fun as it was to watch him enjoy himself, you couldn't help but notice that not a whole lot was happening for you. You were sure if you moved your hips just right you'd find the seam in your jeans and you'd reach ecstasy as you ground yourself against him.

"Topina, slow down. Fuck." Copia's hands gripped your hips tightly to stop you from moving.

You hadn't realised that in all your searching for your own pleasure, you'd been giving him his. "Shit, sorry. Just trying to find a good position."

He frowned. "Is this not good for you?"

You shrugged. "Jeans are making it difficult to feel much. They're pretty thick."

His hands ran up and down your denim clad thighs, squeezing softly at the flesh beneath his finger tips, as he pondered something. "Take them off."

"Copia, I-" You cut yourself off when you noticed the way his eyes were trained on the movements of his hands over your thighs. "Do you want me to take them off?"

He glanced up at you. "I want you to do whatever is going to make you feel good as well."

"I'm doing this to help you." You croaked, not even believing it yourself anymore.

He shook his head. "Not helpful unless you enjoy yourself too."

That was all it took to have you rolling away from him and kicking your jeans off of your legs as quickly as possible and then settling yourself back over him, this time with only your underwear left in the way.

Copia's hands returned to your thighs, squeezing the bare skin now instead. "Try now."

So you did.

"Fuck me." You gasped, hands flying to grip his shoulders. You hadn't anticipated the texture of his pants, the fancy lace up and stylish wear and tear, and what that would feel like. It was like they were built for this.

"Feels better now." He beamed at you, not needing a confirmation of any sort since the way your face had scrunched up was proof enough.

"You can never wear these around me again now." You grumbled, gesturing at his pants. "Will make me horny."

"Is that such a bad thing?" He teased, snaking an arm around your waist to guide your movements. "Only if you promise not to wear those jeans around me."

You looked at him questioningly.

"Make your ass look good." He grunted, rocking your hips against his even harder.

"You were looking at my ass?"

"Guilty." A choked groan escaped his mouth. "It is not a regular thing, I assure you."

The retort you had planned died on your lips and was replaced by a strangled cry as he bucked up underneath you. You buried your face against his shoulder with a whimper of his name. "Copia."

His eyes rolled back at the sound of his name sounding like that coming from your mouth. "I know, topina, I know. Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Un-fucking-believable." You sighed, picking up the pace of your rolling hips.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, depraved noises escaping you both as your bodies moved in rhythm with each other.

Copia's arm was locked around you, the other firm on one of your thighs, squeezing occasionally. He could feel himself edging dangerously close to release. But he wanted you to come first. "Need you to come for me, topina. What's going to get you there, hm?"

Your head turned so your face was against his neck as you whined. "Talk to- fuck- talk to me."

"And what would you like me so say? How you feel so perfect rubbing yourself against me right now? That you're my perfect topina?" He chuckled when you mewled. "Oh, you liked that."

"Fuck." You gasped. "Yes, yes."

The grinding of your hips became desperate, almost feral, as you neared closer to your orgasm quicker than you ever had done before.

"Was it being called perfect? Or being called mine?" Copia mused, having to pause his thoughts for a second as he could feel himself practically throbbing beneath you. "Fuck, you really are perfect at this."

The way he said it, the tone of his voice, the breathlessness of it, had you toppling over the edge. Your pelvis bucked a few more times, chasing the high, as your mouth formed around a silent scream against the skin of his neck.

Copia took that as his queue to let loose, wildly rutting up underneath you for a minute before his own orgasm hit. He couldn't even find it in himself to regret the mess he'd made in his pants. It was worth it.

He instantly relaxed beneath you, accepting the full weight of your body as the afterglow had left you in a state of not being able to hold yourself up anymore. Copia's gloved fingers danced up and down the length of your back, soothing you.

When you finally sat up again, hands planted firmly on his chest to support yourself, you looked content. Copia was glad you weren't suddenly freaking out.

"Thanks for the orgasm, buddy." You patted him gently on the chest before standing up onto shaky legs.

Copia chuckled. Buddy? "I should be thanking you. I was sentenced to a night with my pillow until you offered to help."

"It was mutually beneficial." You assured him as you tugged your jeans up your legs. "Now we just never speak of it again."

"Sì, sì." Copia knew he was going to have trouble with that. "You can stay the night if you want."

You glanced at him. "We've already crossed one line tonight. Let's not cross any others."

He didn't point out how you'd shared a bed before and it hadn't meant anything. But he didn't want to push you. "If you're sure."

"I am." Slipping your shoes back onto your feet, you looked at him. "You should definitely get some rest now."

"I will, topina." He replied softly.

You straightened up and placed your hands on your hips. "Well, I'm done here so... see you around."

Copia shook his head with a laugh and corrected you. "See you tomorrow."

"Really?" You looked hopeful.

"Sì. I was being sincere when I said you are my priority. I will make more time for you, I promise." He moved to the edge of his bed and beckoned you over. When you approached him he cupped your chin in a gloved hand. "My topina, bestest friend in the world."

You giggled at his phrasing. "I can accept that title."

Of being the bestest friend in the world? Or of being his?

"Goodnight, Copia." You planted a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth.

It caught him off guard. But not in an unpleasant way. In fact, he found he rather liked it. "Goodnight."

He watched on fondly as you slipped out of his room and disappeared into the night. Collapsing backwards onto his bed, Copia wondered how he was going to manage never mentioning tonight to you again.

A/N: Second Copia dry humping fic. Apologies for the slight repeat but I think about it a lot when it comes to him…

[honeylations]

NAKAMURA KAZUHA x FEM!READER

PART TWO

Prompt: Still not being over your ex boyfriend (Choi Yeonjun), you thought it was a good idea to fake a relationship with Kazuha, aka a complete stranger, to make him jealous.

Warnings/Notes: small angst, fake dating to lovers, g!p Kazuha for spice, eventual smut for you horndogs

Link to part 1

A/N: RAHHHH FINALLY DID A PART TWO BECAUSE I WAS INDECISIVE OF HOW I WANTED THE STORY TO GO😭 this is like my 5th draft of Part Two💀

It’s been 2 weeks since you and Kazuha began the fake relationship and you were starting to feel a little too comfortable within the Japanese girl’s presence.

There were many things you were liking alot while being with her:

Seeing her smile

Her stupid jokes

Holding her hand

Having her arm around you

Walking you to your classes

The list can go on and on.

She went all out with your pretend dates and you found yourself staring at the photos you took together during your nights out. The warm feeling you had while with her was different than when you were with Yeonjun.

But it felt too good to be true.

Kazuha was only doing all this to help you. To protect you from Yeonjun. Right?

Wrong.

If you were a mess, Kazuha was an even bigger mess.

Every night she would pray that you’d open your eyes and realise that she was willing to do anything just for you to be officially her’s.

In Kazuha little mind, she believed you just needed protection from your ex. That you didn’t need Kazuha’s deep love. That this was only going to remain as a fantasy for the rest of her life.

But with the way your angelic laughed filled her ears, your soft hand perfectly fitting into her bigger ones, your beautiful smile…Kazuha was going to enjoy every moment while they lasted.

You were sitting next to each other as always at the lunch table with your friends, hearing more nonsense stories come out of Yunjin’s food filled mouth. You were leaning your head against Kazuha’s shoulder, playing with her fingers mindlessly as laughter continued to echo from your group.

It felt so right.

Like you had almost forgotten that it wasn’t real in the first place.

Then Yeonjun showed up again, seeming a little more timid than his usual approaches. Your table went silent upon his presence, clearly unhappy that he’s here yet again to possibly get your attention.

Kazuha’s arm instantly went around you, holding tight like you were going to disappear from her embrace.

“Hey calm down please everyone, I’m not here to try anything” Yeonjun quickly said when he saw all of your cold stares on him.

He continued. “I’m here to actually apologise. Especially towards you Y/n. I can see you’re really happy with Kazuha. She’s treating you in ways I wasn’t able to. I’m sorry for the mess I’ve caused recently, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me someday”

Without letting you respond, Yeonjun bowed and took his leave silently, leaving your group stunned.

“Well it was about damn time he said something. We can all live in peace now” Chaeryeong sighed dramatically, applauding everyone as if it was a team effort.

“Good job on faking the entire thing guys! Really got him fooled. Such a shame though, you two make a really good couple” Yuna hummed and tilted her head towards you and Kazuha.

“Y-Yeah…We do don’t we..” You heard Kazuha mutter while retreating her arm away from you.

Your eyes darted all over the floor out of panic. Everything was ending too soon! You didn’t want this to end. You didn’t want to lose all the warmth and happiness.

“Hey…” A voice broke you out of it, seeing that it was Sakura grabbing your hand. “Are you okay?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. I’m good”

Sakura’s lips went into a thin line as she rubbed her thumb across your hand. “Don’t think about it Y/n. Just do it before it’s too late”

You looked at your friend with more worry, knowing that Sakura could read you easily like a book.

She knew you were in love with Kazuha but was too scared to do something about it.

As all your classes ended, Kazuha was kind enough to walk you back to your dorm, talking normally about your day and what you’ll be up to for the rest of the semester.

Then you both halted when you reached your door. Kazuha tucked her hands into her pockets while she looked at her feet like they were interesting.

“So…Is this it?” She asked with sadness.

You gulped away the choking feeling in your throat. “I-I guess…Thanks for everything Kazuha. You were a great pretend girlfriend”

Kazuha gave a half smile and nodded. “You were a perfect pretend girlfriend. Whoever gets you in the future is one lucky person”

“Same goes to you, Zu. Thanks for taking me home one last time”

“Of course. Anytime…”

The Japanese girl began slowly walking away, her feet feeling heavier with each step like she didn’t want to leave. She really didn’t. The thought of not having you by her side 24/7 was picking at her heart piece by piece.

Then the thought of you being in someone else’s arms snapped something in her head. She wanted you to be all her’s. She wanted to be the arms you fall into. She wanted to be the one you kiss and cuddle all the time.

She needed you to be her’s and her’s only.

Her feet stopped, catching your attention from the keys you were about to push into the lock. She made a U turn on the spot and sped walk back to you, grabbing your hands and pulling you close to her face that your lips were close to touching.

“Z-Zuha?” You gasped at the sudden movement.

Her eyes were filled with emotions you couldn’t decipher but her touch made your heart beat faster.

“Y/n. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me”

“What?”

“Tell me you don’t love me so I can have a peace of mind. Tell me you didn’t feel a thing throughout the two weeks we’ve been together” Kazuha said with determination, her chest rising and falling rapidly from the anxiety she was feeling.

“Kazuha…”

“I love you Y/n. We were two dates in and I felt pathetic that I fell in love with you so quickly, but to me it felt like I wasn’t allowed. I felt like you only saw this as an escape from Yeonjun. But please tell me Y/n, through the times we held hands, did you not feel some sort of chemistry between us?”

You stared up at her for a couple more seconds before tears escaped your eyes. Kazuha froze, thinking her words had affected you in the wrong way but she couldn’t rip out an apology before you leaned up and captured her lips as your arms hooked around her neck.

Kazuha’s eyes fluttered shut and her arms held you closely by the hips, relishing the warm feeling of your lips moving against hers.

She could bask in the warmth forever but you slowly pulled away, gaze flickering from her plump lips to her eyes.

“Kazuha I love you too. I didn’t want to pretend anymore. There’s no one else in this world I’d rather love than you”

The taller girl leaned her forehead against yours with eyes closed, sighing deeply with relief at your words. “Can you be mine Y/n? For real this time?”

“Yes Kazuha, I’d be honoured to be yours. For real this time” you giggled in response as pecked her lips.

“No more hiding?”

You snuggled your head into her chest, squishing your cheek against it that you could hear Kazuha’s heart beat. “No more hiding”

Just when you thought the day couldn’t get any better, you had led Kazuha into your dorm and to your bedroom where you were laying flat on your bed, legs spread, the space in between being occupied by your girlfriend’s mouth.

She was eating you out like she’s been starved. Her strong arms were tightly wrapped underneath your thighs, holding you in place while she switched between diving her tongue deeply into your entrance to sucking on your puffy clit.

“O-Oh Kazuha! Yes baby, right there!”

She hummed at your taste, not minding the thought of being in between your legs forever as long as your juices kept satisfying her thirst.

It felt so painfully good that you were too weak to push her head away. All you could do was pull at her hair, pushing her deeper into your wet cunt despite orgasm after orgasm.

And as good as it felt, you needed her deeper inside you. You needed her cock.

“Z-Zuha…Zuha please, want your cock baby” you sniffled, gasping for air once the girl finally pulled away to let you breathe.

“Aw but I was enjoying myself. Just want to eat your pussy forever” she gave a fuckboy type of smile with your juices literally coating her mouth and chin.

“Please baby. Want your cock and your cum” you begged, making Zuha wipe your tears away.

She leaned over and kissed your nose and the rest of your flushed face. “Okay, Princess”

You watched with awe as Kazuha removed her boxers, finally being fully naked as you, then spreading your legs wider so she could give you a view of her entering your needy cunt.

You already felt full with just the head in, clawing your sheets that they almost ripped but the feeling of familiar big hands on yours let you relax a little. You didn’t realise your eyes were shut tight until Kazuha called your name softly.

“Princess, are you okay?”

You sniffled and blinked away more tears. “H-Hurts. S-So big…”

Kazuha nuzzled her nose into your temple. “Shhh, I know baby, I’m sorry. Just a couple more seconds okay? If it still hurts, tell me and I’ll pull out”

You shook your head and ran your hands up her biceps to her back, rubbing up and down. “N-No. I can take it. Just please g-go slow”

“Of course, Princess. Anything you want”

“How are you being romantic while almost ripping me in half?” You huffed, feeling Kazuha chuckle against your cheek before kissing it.

“I’ll move now”

You shut your eyes again when your girlfriend slowly pulled out just so the tip was inside before going back in at the same pace.

You’ve had 6 inches inside you before and that hurt like a bitch. But with Kazuha, 8 inches could quite literally kill you if she wasn’t gentle.

As she kept moving, you found yourself moaning louder, wanting more, craving more. You dug your acrylics into her back, possibly drawing blood.

Kazuha’s breath was getting heavier, feeling her pant against your neck like a desperate puppy. “Princess, I love the way you feel around my cock. So tight and perfect”

“More..” you whispered, giving Kazuha’s back some rest so you could cup her jaw and pull her into a needy kiss.

Kazuha pushed her tongue inside, licking you all up and even sucking on it, earning louder moans and whines from you.

“More hm? Does it feel that good, my Princess?” She said in Japanese, causing your pussy to clench tighter.

Thanks to your online Japanese classes, you were actually able to understand your girlfriend’s words. It was so hot. Her voice sounded deeper and husky, how could you NOT get soaked?

Your moans were enough of an answer for the taller girl. With one hand on your waist and the other on the headboard, she let her animal brain go loose, fucking you crazy like she dreamt of.

The slapping noises bounced off the walls (and possibly the entire dorm) as you chanted your girlfriend’s name like a ritual. She was biting and licking at your neck, stamping as much hickies as she could, not willing to miss a spot so the world would know who you finally belonged to.

“Fuck baby. You’re all mine to love…to fuck…to kiss…All mine” she growled deeply.

“Oh fuck, Zuha I’m cumming! Don’t stop baby please please please!”

“Me too Princess. Let me cum inside”

Feeling too fucked out, you nodded your head as your eyes rolled back to your head, letting the intense orgasm hit you like a goddam truck.

“Fuck…oh fuck—ah Y/n baby!” Kazuha grunted loudly and gasped into your shoulder as she continued pounding into you.

Her pace eventually slowed down to a stop when she emptied every drop of her cum inside your cunt, groaning profanities, then sweet nothings into your sweaty temple.

After a split second, Kazuha rolled you both over so you laid on top of her, not caring that her semi hard cock was still deep inside you. You felt your mixed cum sliding out of your pussy and down Kazuha’s balls, possibly dripping onto your bedsheets.

You felt your girlfriend rub circles along your back, letting you catch your breath. “You okay?”

“More than okay” you chuckled, still panting.

“Just realised we did that raw. I’m sorry”

You lifted your head up and planted lazy kisses across your girlfriend’s face. “Don’t be. I love it raw”

“As much as I love the thought of getting you pregnant, we have yet to graduate” Kazuha pouted, letting you kiss it away.

“I know, don’t worry. I’m on the pill anyways”

“Oh ok good” Kazuha sighed with content.

She thought she could sleep and have a cute lovey dovey moment with you but you abruptly sat up and placed your hands on her shoulders, giving her a mischievous smirk.

“After all that fake dating, you think one round is enough?”

“Eh?”

“Oh don’t worry, baby. Just lay there and I’ll do all the work. You know, as a thank you for saving me from all those times” you winked and slowly lifted yourself up before sinking back down.

Kazuha instantly got hard, holding onto your waist for dear life.

“Goddamn it Princess. I’ll make sure you pass out from how good this cock is”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” You tilted your head, moaning in between as her length reached your womb.

You were definitely going to be missing your early morning lectures tomorrow.

[punkpandapatrixk]

🥀Sad Bitch Lilith ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

We live in a world where being too kind, too sweet, too compassionate and forgiving could often lead to disastrous outcomes. This is after all a world where narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths run free without much repercussion. A sweet girl can’t be pleasant all the time; a goddess needs to carry a machete from time to time.

What most people have yet to grasp, is that Venus and Lilith quite literally make each side of the Divine Femininity coin. Venus represents Light and Lilith represents Dark; even then, they could easily switch roles depending on the situation at hand. Only if you want—you are allowed to embody both Venus and Lilith in their respective glory.

Do you really want to become that kind of idiot who sends love and light to those who have done you much harm? You don’t have to force yourself to be the bigger person in a conflict that was created for the sole purpose of stripping you of power and autonomy. Enablers and gaslighters enforce that kind of idea so you make room for their terrible behaviour. WAKE. UP.

So many women in this world have at some point been a Sad Bitch Lilith at the hands of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcs in whatever role they play in their lives. Hopefully this reading serves to help you turn the narrative into SAVAGE LILITH. The Dark Moon Goddess who delights in revenge for she knows in it lies EDUCATION for the imbeciles who have foolishly disrespected her kind, sweet, friendly, feminine qualities. The Dark Feminine retorts,

‘RESPECT ME OR GET DESTROYED.’

Black Moon Lilith is a Goddess of Redemption. She takes into her own hands matters of delivering nightmare to those who have wronged her. She calculates in the dark. She doesn’t ask for permission. She's a wild woman. She punishes swiftly. She moves history.

She is Karma.

Karma paid in revenge glow up, BITCH🌹

SONG: I’ll Make You Cry by aespa

MOVIE: Gone Girl (2014)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – When My Tears Silently Turn to Diamonds

the way your beauty irritates people – 10 of Pentacles Rx

VIBE: I’m Unhappy by aespa

You’re somebody who’s perceived as abundant and superfluous by others. It’s super obvious from the way you look, the way you carry yourself, or even your family background. You just… exude a rich vibe—whether or not you actually come from old money. Damn, you just have it in you. It’s something you were born with. Even if you didn’t come from a rich background, or even if right now, for some reason you’re struggling with resources, no, honey, listen: it’s your fucking AURA.

People can see either you’re blessed since birth—with money, beauty, talents, whatever—or they simply can smell that you’re gonna make it big someday. Most people you’ve known in your environment, do not like this about you at all. It’s their own fault though, why in the name of fuck are they always comparing themselves to you? Did you ask for that? Never. But they’re always imagining how nice it would be in your shoes without knowing for realz your life story.

They project their insecurities at you even when you’ve never wanted to make anybody feel that way because of your presence. In many ways, I think you’ve tried so hard to make you look ordinary, or in some cases, you’ve tried to show a lot of care and generosity. You’ve tried to make everybody see that you’re just like them even if your circumstances are not exactly the same. It never worked though—maybe it’s even backfired.

Your abundance… is simply irritating to them because you’re surrounded by motherfucking losers, babe.

silencing the negative self-talk – XIX The Sun

VIBE: ASAP by NewJeans

You should be done feeling bad for being radiant. It’s not your fault other people are ugly. It’s not your responsibility that other people don’t have money. How are you at fault when a good company chooses you for the talents and skills you’ve developed which they need? Seriously, it’s none of your business if others wouldn’t work on themselves to be considered an amazing creature in society. You keep being you, honey. You and I know you’re always refining your natural talents and deepening your base knowledge. You’re truly a hustler even if others don’t see that.

When you’re not saddened or confused by others’ terrible attitude towards your blessings, your mindset is really positive like the Sun itself. Of all the Piles, I think your heart is the purest🤣You’re more generous than people give you credit for. You’re always trying to make everyone feel welcomed. If you were a party host, you’d make sure every single person has a good time in ways that suit them. You’re that attentive.

Unfortunately, your Light, indeed babe, seems to attract a lot of harmful bugs. No matter how much you give, it’ll never be enough and nothing you do will stop the gossip and badmouthing and backstabbing. Because essentially, these bottom-feeders are already bitter about their own pathetic lives. They hate you as much as they hate themselves for not having the courage to feel deserving of the abundance you’ve worked hard for.

S A V A G E – 4 of Wands

VIBE: Hurt by NewJeans

‘Leave them at the bottom of the grave they dug for you.’ – something I saw on Pinterest

Because you’re too kind, too giving, I think you’re the type of person who wouldn’t have the heart to leave people behind where they are miserable. Umm… you need to grow up a little bit more and finally see for yourself how pointless that is. You’re just one person, what makes you think you could save everybody? I hope you don’t yourself turn into a megalomania who thinks others wouldn’t survive without your charity.

Leave that toxic environment and you will regenerate yourself. As you do so, you become a vibrational match to some kind of a Soul Tribe situation where you’ll be met with people who aren’t the least bit parasitic. You’ve got to believe you’re deserving of a symbiosis mutualistic kind of relationships and friendships for them to manifest, OK?

As for the anklebiters? Hurt them with your leaving them. Hurt them with your totally ignoring and blocking them. I’m not saying you have to throw a brick at them for all the disrespect they’ve dealt on you. I’m sure your change of attitude will hurt the living shit out of them. And one day, when you’re famous and important, they’ll see you, alright. They’ll see you for all that you’ve always been capable of doing and they’ll regret they didn’t treat you better. And they’ll wallow in immense pain for not having access to you anymore. Nevermore. Leave them hurting in their shame and regrets. That’ll kill them😈

SWEET MOTHER OF REVENGE 🔻💙

VILLAIN ORIGIN STORY – Gold Physician (Herodotus)

Reclaiming Lilith – Priestess of Prosperity

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Pile 2 – You See This Glow-Up? NOW You Jelly

the way your beauty irritates people – Knight of Wands Rx

VIBE: 28 Reasons by Seulgi

First and foremost, you’re a damn rare beauty. I don’t care if you don’t think that highly of your physical appearance; bitch, you’re goddamn attractive. Take it or leave it. Your problem is that you act like you’re ordinary and that irritates the living shit out of your enemies because they think you’re fake. ‘How dare you act ordinary when you’re obviously that pretty. Are you mocking us??’ Yeah… Why the fuck are you surrounded by ordinary beauties? Have you got Venus squaring Pluto? Huehue~

Anyway, in any situation you’re an eye candy and everybody can see that. Maybe you’re dense enough to not see how others see you, but all these friends of yours, they’re hyper aware of how all eyes are on you the moment you slightly move. You stir the air in a way no other human does. It’s because there’s passion and authenticity in you that make you vibrate on a much higher level than most people. Really, you’re a rare gem but this could get you in danger a lot.

You’re the type of beauty that invites enemies actually because of your friendly disposition. Like, there’s this annoying gap that irritates people in ways even they don’t really understand. The gap between your intense beauty/attraction and your general politeness. You’re soft spoken, cheerful and helpful. For the most part, you’re a ball of joy and if you’re a girl, boys like you A LOT. You’re fun. You’re cool. You’re smart and creative. A lot funnier than people assume. You’re the IT GIRL. But the envious ones call you a pick-me LMAO

Envious girls put a lot of effort into brandishing you as a trashy character but by doing that, even the boys could see who’s the real G here. And well, wouldn’t that annoy their trashy asses further?🤷🏻‍♀️They’re literally ruining their own image by trying to ruin you🤡

silencing the negative self-talk – 8 of Wands Rx

VIBE: Forgive Me by BoA

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s have a heart-to-heart. Honey, you’ve got to stop pretending like you’re a sweet Venus all the time. You’re not. You and I know that. Deep down, there’s an evil bitch in you that wants to play with fire. I think you’ve tried to curb your Lilith practically your entire Life. Perhaps on a subconscious level you know this of you and you want to avert your eyes from looking at your Lilith. That’s how you seem fake sometimes.

Highly intuitive people can smell the Devil in you, but you act like you’re an angel all the time. And that’s annoying because your Lilith is literally a men-magnet and this often takes away attention from other girls but you act all innocent💩I’m not saying it’s your fault—I sense that for the most part, you don’t even consciously want this intense attention; I’m saying there’s this mechanism about how you’re perceived by your environment.

Aaand why do you think that is? Of course, because subconsciously, you want all of this attention. You always want to be wanted and liked and desired. You crave that shit so bad because when you were tinier you felt unseen. Un-understood. Unappreciated. Now, doesn’t matter who or how, you just want everybody to see you and want you, but you’re not gonna give them back any of that attention. You want to be unattainable. Actually, you are unattainable. You don’t easily let people get close to you. You don’t want people in your personal space. You just want the a t t e n t i o n.

S A V A G E – 5 of Wands Rx

VIBE: Savage by aespa

You know, this is all just a lil game to you. Deep down, you’re fighting this urge to snatch everybody’s boyfriends and husbands. Sometimes you get frightened by your evil desires because if you were unhinged, you’d want all these married people to want you more than they want their spouses. It’s not even that serious. You just want to come on top of everybody. You’re secretly envious of these little bitches who are—probably—loved by their spouses. And even when you can see there’s no Love in that connection, you’re still jealous that someone wants to commit themselves to these undeserving mediocre asses.

You feel all alone in this world. People are only nice to you because of your looks or whatever else that’s not even that important. And people are also nasty to you because of your looks and everything else that’s not even that important. It’s been one insanely difficult Life for you. You’re sad. You feel abandoned and unwanted in spite of all the shallow praises. And there’s this quiet rage inside that wants to punish everyone for not caring about the REAL you.

Bitch, grow up a little bit and you’ll see that low-quality people get married to their fellow mediocre asses. You don’t play in the same dimension as them so don’t lower your standards🤭One day you’ll see who’s gonna end up divorced and miserable because they all married the wrong people! Nah, that’s not even the important part LMAO The important part is when you’re the one marrying a Soul Mate after all of your spiritual and psychological glow-up that made you a vibrational match to so much REAL LOVE and you’re surrounded by all this money and beauty.

You never needed their kind of a glow-up; you were born perfection. You needed a different kind of confidence to SLAY and be very happy.

SWEET MOTHER OF REVENGE 🔻❤️

VILLAIN ORIGIN STORY – Red Magus (Edward Kelly)

Reclaiming Lilith – Priestess of Happiness

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Pile 3 – You Thought I’d Give It All to You

the way your beauty irritates people – 2 of Cups

VIBE: The Weekend by BIBI

You’re this absolutely weird mix of devil and angel in one body. You attract ALL kinds of people. Young, old. Men, women. Animals and toddlers are either terrified by you or LOVE you to oblivion. People always want something from you, right? They either simp for you or act like you owe them something—usually when their simping doesn’t pay off LMAO That’s really weird… Your entire existence is weird. I like that😉

You’re definitely giving, charitable, although in reality you’re really selective with whom you allow in your personal space. ‘Just because I’m friendly with you doesn’t mean I wanna be friends with you,’ kind of vibe. Nevertheless, people are silly, and they cultivate this weird intense desire within them. They build all these unnatural expectations around you having to give or share with them.

In their sick minds, they demand this. When you don’t humour them their sick demands, they get ULTRA bitter, probably even resentful. And then they seek to destroy you. Weird. Weird. Weird. You never even intended to lead them on. People are crazy when you’re around. The worst part is, they never even had your best interest at heart. They just wanted something from you—energy, attention, favouritism, gentle caress, who the hell cares.

How much Neptunian/Pisces/12th House energy do you have for you to be this way?😷HAHAH

silencing the negative self-talk – Page of Pentacles

VIBE: KAZINO by BIBI

Unlike the other Piles, you don’t seem to have a lot of neg self-talk. You’re sassy, bitchy, and you embrace your negative qualities because you see the value in them. Society ain’t perfect either anyway, what’s so wrong in being me the way that I am? You go, girlie~ You’re a total believer in revenge and vengeance. You ARE the definition of Lilith incarnate. Were you born with it? Did you develop yourself to be this way? Who the fuck knows—that’s your very own secret ingredient~

You’d rather let the mortals hurt and rot in their own stupidity than let yourself be the one to hurt. Unless you’re defending those you care about, you’re never sustaining hurt. You hurl lemons at all your enemies before they could get closer. Any step closer, you squirt that lemon in their eyes. Their fault. You warned them already! ‘Hey, I’m nice but I ain’t no saint,’ is your philosophy.

And when you’re really, really, really done with someone’s bullshit, you ain’t afraid to spill some blood. You’re gonna be smart about it though. You plan quietly and attack unexpectedly with a demonic angel smile on your face. ‘Send a message to your god; you’ve messed with the wrong bitch, BITCH.’

You are a menace to society👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

S A V A G E – XII The Hanged Man Rx

VIBE: Vengeance by BIBI

See, you are one sneaky bitch. Though you are a fucking menace to society, you know how to act righteous. You also know how to act like the victim should the occasion arise—but this is rare because you like to appear on top of everyone. Still, you’re quite masterful at creating sad or horrendous backstories that would justify your wreaking havoc upon your enemies, or even just society at large. Your sense of morality is kinda shrewd LMAO And I think that’s because you’ve been at the mercy of someone else’s shrewd behaviour before, probably when you were a lot younger.

That made you realise you never wanted to be the victim anymore. If anything, you’ll terrorise everyone so you maintain your own safety. WHEW. You’ve got your trust broken in authority. Their rules didn’t protect you or even hurt you. So, you believe new rules should be made in their place. You make your own rules and you don’t care if that hurts some people. You have this dicktionary explaining what kinds of dickhead are worth sacrificing to your new-world agenda.

🤣🤣🤣You’re CRAZY!

I believe in you. I think you could change the world. But I think you’re largely only interested in your own world. The whole world? That’s too much trouble. You aren’t keen on destroying your small queendom/kingdom in exchange for world domination—you smart like that. Keep at that. WHOA.

SWEET MOTHER OF REVENGE 🔻🧡

VILLAIN ORIGIN STORY – Green Magus (John Dee)

Reclaiming Lilith – Priestess of Divination

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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐚𝐧

𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤!𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 & 𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

📖 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬.

⚠️ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒: 18+, she/her pronouns, pogue! reader, routeledge! reader, jj is readers ex boyfriend, some backstory, some fluff but lots of angst, dark themes, toxic relationship, trauma bond, love bombing, language, dark!rafe and him being toxic, mentions of drug use, addiction, abusive behavior, choking, smoking, weapon: gun use, violence, blood, fighting, and jj being protective of reader.

📑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 5.1k

🦇 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: if you or someone you know are in a similar situation, please don’t hesitate and ask for help. my dm’s are open if anyone needs to talk. ♡︎

©𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃: 𝐃𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐢��𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞, 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐲, 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐩𝐩/𝐰𝐞𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞.

You definitely had a type. JJ was your ex-boyfriend, and he was impulsive and would get into trouble but stayed caring, protective, and loving at the end of the day. He made you the happiest when he could. You two dated for a year after knowing each other for years growing up but broke it off due to the right person, wrong timing type of thing. You wanted JJ to focus on himself as he was losing himself for a while, and you were growing distant from each other but remained friends.

As your older brother, John B. got more involved with Sarah Cameron and brought her into the group, you soon heard about her older brother, Rafe, and the stories about him, and trouble always seemed to attract you.

From the day you saw Rafe Cameron, you were intrigued by his presence, but not as much as he was with yours.

You were a Pogue, something Rafe hated, but whenever Sarah brought you over, he didn't mind it as much, almost like it never mattered in the first place. You would notice the way Rafe would be eyeing you up and down, but not notice that he would be finding excuses to talk to Sarah just to see you in the same room, and then later at night, his mind would be going crazy over you.

When you first revealed your interest in Rafe to Kie, she scolded you like you had done something bad and told Sarah; Sarah didn’t mind it but did warn you that her older brother was not the best guy to be going after. When JJ found out about it, he was shocked and unhappy that you found interest in a Kook and was more unhappy you chose Rafe Cameron out of all people. JJ made it clear to you that he moved on from the break up to not come across as jealous or anything else and said you could do better than Rafe Cameron, along with everyone else agreeing.

"Look, I just think you should keep your options open, that's all." JJ comments, hoping your brother could at least convince you as well.

With your dad being gone, John B had stepped in to protect you as your older brother, and he hated the idea of you liking Rafe.

“Don’t you dare go to that Kook party where he is!” John B chases you out the front porch as you giggle, “Sarah! Back me up on this!”

“I’ve tried, John B!” Sarah scared to intervene, "The least we could do is watch over her at the party plus, we can have a little fun?"

"Fine," John B sighs at the idea, running his hands across his face.

You weren’t someone who liked listening to others about what they had to say, especially in your life. So as a result of that, during the party at Tannyhill, after a couple of shots, you went after Rafe, which caught him by surprise, but he liked it anyway.

“Y'know, I had my eye on you for a while,” Rafe smirks, drinking from his solo cup.

John B. saw the whole thing, which angered him, but at that point gave up. “I feel like I’m raising a rebellious teenager,"

“I think you’d be considered one as well, from the things you get involved in.” Sarah jokes.

From that day forward, Rafe had you wrapped around his finger. The more you started getting involved with him, the more your friends weren't liking it and made it known.

“Oh, god, you want to be like your brother and date a Kook now?” Pope asks, with JJ and Kie waiting for your response. "I mean, seriously, what is it with you Routledges' and Kooks these days.”

“You guys like Sarah now,” you mention, “so maybe you’ll like Rafe too.”

“Ha!” JJ scoffs, shaking his head.

“I doubt that Y/N but you do you.” Kie shrugs.

“Yeah, I will,

And you kept your word, but little did they know, Rafe had also persuaded you so you could be together.

"Listen, you and I were meant to cross paths," Rafe tells you in an optimistic tone, "so let them talk,"

Three months into your relationship with Rafe, he was the sweetest boyfriend, at first. From the dates to spoiling you, him making you feel like his whole world, and making it clear to everyone that you were his. The Pogues accepted your happiness but didn’t accept Rafe; they couldn't do it when they saw how he would treat other people. He was the complete opposite of his sister, Sarah.

Now six months into the relationship, you were aware of his addiction and had mentioned your concern about it to him before, but you didn’t want to be that kind of controlling girlfriend or anything. You also didn’t want to let your friends and brother know about it because you knew they would try to get you out of the relationship with him but you didn’t want that because you cared about Rafe. You let Rafe live his life and for a while, he got better after realizing how much he was scaring you, and the sight of coke making you uncomfortable. He would smoke weed instead, which you were completely fine with since you did the same.

But then Rafe would relapse as coke was more of his thing.

Your boyfriend soon revealed another side of himself on nights when you were with him, a darkening aura surrounding him as his eyes grew more hostile. You knew he was high by the size of his pupils, and how he was getting stressed out about the things going on in his life, especially with the pressure his father was putting on him. There would be times when he took out his anger on you by shouting at you or just snapping out of nowhere by throwing things around or punching walls. Every second of those bad nights was like torture so being with him started to drain you physically and mentally as time went on, you were now in his control of what you could wear, say, or do in front of him. Every morning, you’d wake up to an anxious feeling in your stomach because of Rafe, which could’ve been your sign to leave him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. It was moments like this, that made you rethink your life decisions if you had never broken up with JJ, would you be in this position? Were you longing for JJ or the right treatment that you weren't getting from Rafe? Unfortunately, you grew too attached to Rafe just like he was to you. You felt dependent on him, and you grew a fear of not being able to do anything without him or his approval but maybe one day the bond would break, right?

Every time you and Rafe argued, no one was around because Rafe wanted your relationship to look perfect to others, though it was the complete opposite, he always told you to put on a happy face.

You barely saw your friends anymore because of him not trusting them but Rafe barely trusted anyone, especially Pogues.

The Pogues were missing your company, so whenever your brother mentioned them coming over, you’d ask him if he could drive you over to Rafe’s or you would text Rafe to come get you because that’s how much afraid you were of your boyfriend; you were scared of him finding out somehow that you were in the presence of your ex JJ, though you weren’t doing anything wrong or planned on it. Whenever they’d ask about you, John B’s answer was always "Rafe", so they stopped asking but JJ thought that it was weird how the only time you were home was when everyone, except your brother, was gone, and if they slept over then you’d spend the night with Rafe— which he never said no to.

Even though your friends didn’t know the full story yet, they knew something was wrong when you were Rafe’s date to midsummers— you were the youngest in the group, so they all felt protective towards you, especially JJ. Though you looked beautiful, you didn’t look happy to be there, especially next to Rafe. They had tried to talk to you, but Rafe had his arm wrapped around your waist the whole night basically and kept giving death glares to your Pogue friends. When you made eye contact with JJ, he could tell in your eyes you had this sense of hope; he didn't know what it was but he tried to approach you because he knew in his gut something wasn’t right and said if Rafe started something then he'd finish it, but Kie convinced him to not cause a scene, and JJ was mad at John B for not looking out enough for you, his little sister.

“JJ! I’m not gonna go to fucking jail if something happened because if I did, then who's going to be looking after her, huh?!” John B argues.

“I would!” JJ responds.

“Man, why’d you guys even break up in the first place?!” your brother emphasizes, “I preferred her with you! Shit, I wouldn’t even have to be in this position!”

JJ stayed silent wondering the same thing as he hated remembering the fact that he lost you. As much as JJ didn't want to admit to himself, he still had feelings for you, and seeing you with Rafe was only making it worse.

John B just didn’t want trouble, especially at a Kooks' party knowing their power but he also didn't want you to be mad at him or give the silent treatment if a fight broke out; he also didn't want to risk losing you completely away from home more than you already were. Sarah tried to see if something was up, and you were always reassuring her that everything was fine, but it was all a lie, “See, Sarah, she’s fine.” Rafe would go on to say but that was before he took you into a room just to yell at you for causing attention like it was your fault, though it wasn't.

The day after midsummers, John B had finally confronted you about being so distant ever since you got with Rafe.

"You just don't hang out with us anymore or never make the time for it!" your brother emphasizes.

"I'm sorry! I just..." you hesitate, "really love him and love being around him. He makes me happy...ever since Dad's been gone-"

"Don't you dare bring Dad into this!" John B. hollers.

"Well, who else is going to love me now?!" you cry out, storming out of the house to see Rafe.

John B's eyes filled with loss as he was watching you slowly lose yourself.

Now tonight, Rafe had called you sounding like he wasn't in a good mood, he wanted to take you out after yelling at you the day before, so you accepted it, hoping he was changing for the better. He told you he needed to make a quick stop on the way, and that stop was to meet with Barry. You were annoyed with him and felt betrayed in a way when he fully knew you never wanted to be around his drug deals let alone being around Barry since he made you uncomfortable. Rafe didn’t listen and expected you to brush it off, but you didn’t.

“Rafe, you know I’m not comfortable with you being fucking coked out around me, or you buying from Barry in front of me," you tell him.

“Can you stop fucking nagging for once?” Rafe sighs, driving away from Barry’s.

“You know what? Just me drop off here,” you point to the side of the road, “I’m growing so tired of you.”

“Oh, you’re growing tired of me?” he scoffs, slamming hard on the breaks, “How do you think I feel with you haunting my every move?!”

“Me? You’re fucking unbelievable! You’re the one who controls every fucking thing I do! I barely see my friends because of you!” you snap, getting out of the car but Rafe quickly comes out to your side and forcefully puts his hand around your throat.

“That’s the last time you’ll ever raise your voice at me again.” he sternly states, “Now get in the fucking car.”

Rafe lets go as you gasp for air and start coughing. You get in the car knowing you couldn’t be walking alone in the dark not even knowing your way around, especially around Barry’s area. You were frozen and silent almost the entire car ride, trying to process what happened. You thought maybe if you jumped out of the car, you could run away and scream, you needed to get away, so you took your chances.

“No!” Rafe grabs your wrist while nearly swerving into an oncoming car, “Are you fucking insane?!”

He puts on the child lock before driving back to Tannyhill as if nothing happened. You felt helpless as you slowly walked behind him with his tall figure that now seemed like a monster in front of you as he led the way to his room.

“Y/N…you know that I love you, right?" Rafe asks calmly, closing the door but you stay silent.

“Come on, baby,” he says, pulling you into a hug, “I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Protect me? … Protect me from what?!” you spat, pushing him off of you, “You’re not doing that, all you’re doing is hurting me!”

“After everything I’ve done and given you so you wouldn’t live that Pogue lifestyle anymore, you dare to act like this? Tsk, tsk.” he shakes his head as it gets silent again.

“You really wanna know why I don’t let you see your Pogue friends?” Rafe chuckles in an unsettling tone, breaking the silence, “Because I know you used to date that blond Pogue…so how can I trust you around him, hm?”

You don’t say anything, instead, you stare down at the floor not wanting to look him in the eyes.

“That’s what I thought,” he nods seeming proud.

“It’s not something new,” you look up at him, “You fully knew that before you and I even got together, and you’re acting like I’m not a Pogue myself…but if you ever lay on hand on me again–”

Rafe gets in your face, “Or what?”

You push him out of your way to the bathroom. You’re on the verge of tears when you look in the mirror and see the bruises on your neck, he caused from choking you. You didn’t know what to do, whether to scream your lungs out due to your frustration or see if Sarah was home but you didn’t want to cause a scene; fear is what you felt.

Now you were at your breaking point and needed to leave, needed to leave him. You saw Rafe doing lines and he looks up at you, “If you don’t wanna see this then go hang out with Sarah or something, I don’t fucking know.”

“You’re right, I don’t wanna see this or you, I’m done.” you reply, leaving his room, “I’m done with you.”

“The fuck is what supposed to mean?” Rafe follows you downstairs.

“It means this fucking relationship is over, we’re over!” you shout in frustration.

As you made it outside, you heard Rafe scream and break something that he threw. At this point, you didn’t care you were walking outside alone, you knew your way around from Rafe’s home, and you just needed to get home away from him, hoping he wouldn’t follow.

You were glad to make it home and see the sight of your brother and Sarah asleep in the living room with a movie playing on the TV. You made your way to your room and cried yourself to sleep.

It was like a parallel between you and Sarah. You were a Pogue dating a Kook and Sarah was a Kook dating a Pogue, except now she was a Pogue. One relationship was toxic and the other healthy. Sarah is happier with John B than she was with Topper just like you were happier with JJ than you were with Rafe. 

How could Rafe do that to you? Especially to someone he said he always loved but that wasn’t love. You knew that you had no love for him left in you, instead, it was hate.

꥟

The next day, you woke up to your neck feeling sore and you remembered why as you felt sick to your stomach.

Now how were you going to hide the bruises? Makeup could help but not in the hot weather. You decided to take a shower and think in there.

A hoodie. Yes, it was hot out, but you weren’t about to throw on a turtleneck so you thought pairing the hoodie with some shorts would make it look less odd, and it would be cooler by the time the sun sets. You had to tighten the strings of the hood so it would cover your neck better, and that was the best you could do.

“What time did you get home?” John B asks, making you jump, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

You shrug, “Not too late, you were asleep when I came back.”

“I see…” he replies, “Listen, I’m sorry about last night–”

you interrupt him, “No, I’m sorry, I should’ve never stormed off like that or brought up Dad that way.”

“No, it’s okay,” he shakes his head, “I know you miss him too but we’ll be okay just like we always have.”

Some time passed, the sun was setting, and you saw Sarah out on the front porch.

“Hey, are you okay? I heard you and Rafe broke up,” Sarah asks with concern in her voice.

“Oh, you did?” John B joins in, “Finally!”

Sarah glares at him, telepathically telling him to shut up.

“Yeah, we did…” you confirm, “How’d you find that out that?”

“Well, I came home last night and saw a shattered flower vase on the floor and a hole in the wall, so I was like, what made Rafe mad this time?” she slightly chuckles.

“I guess he didn’t take it well, huh?” you assume with a small laugh.

“As far as I could tell," Sarah sighs, "I wouldn’t recommend going anywhere he might be.”

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Miss. I’m too good for you Pogues.” Pope appears.

“You know that’s not true, Pope.” you chuckle.

“I know, I’m just teasing,” he replies.

“Y/N!" Kie comes running to you, “Where have you been, you bitch!”

“Well, damn, it’s nice to see you too.” you joke as she squeezes you in her arms.

“I’m never letting you date another Kook again.” she declares and you agree to it.

You feel overwhelmed with emotions with all that’s going on, but it feels good to see everyone and then remember one was missing.

“Hey, where’s JJ?” you ask everyone.

John B points over to the water where you see JJ sitting by smoking a joint, so you decide to go talk to him.

“Hey, Jay,”

“Oh, hey,” he looks up at you and smiles, “you want a hit of this?

“Sure,” you reply, taking the joint.

“So,” JJ begins, “How come you were barely around?”

“If I’m being honest…” you hesitate, “Rafe is a…control freak in the worst way possible.”

JJ chuckles, “He looks like it,”

“I know, I should’ve noticed earlier.” you mention, "I'm sorry though, I never meant to hurt you and everyone else."

“No, you’re all good, you made it out though.” he gives you a comforting smile.

“Yeah, I’m glad that nightmare is over.” you sigh in relief.

“Why are you wearing a hoodie?” he asks out of curiosity, “I’m only asking because that’s rare for you on a day like this.”

“Why are you?” you ask back, pointing out the one he’s wearing.

He laughs, “Alright, you got me there.”

“It’s a nice hoodie though.” you compliment him, hoping he'd let you borrow it one day and he would.

“Thanks, you should wear it sometime.” he teases, “Too soon?

“You’re funny, JJ...but I wouldn't be opposed to it." you turn the other way, hiding the redness on your face.

"I'll keep that in mind then," JJ smirks, taking another hit of his joint.

You and JJ just always had that spark that would always come back, and you both loved that.

JJ knits his eyebrows, “What’s that on your neck?”

Your heart drops to your stomach when you remember. He saw the bruises since you turned your head, and you didn’t want to lie and say it was hickeys but you also knew you couldn’t use the good old burned yourself with a curling iron excuse.

“Oh,” you nervously laugh, “that’s from wrestling with my brother the other day.”

“Really?” he doesn’t buy it, “John B barely even hugs you.”

He must’ve paid good attention or had a good memory of your life because he was right.

“Damn, you didn’t have to call me out like that,” you respond, joking since it’s a way of coping.

“Well, I’m just saying and I don’t think he would hurt you like that.” he adds, “C’mon you can tell me.”

“Rafe…”

“What do you mean?”

“…we were arguing, and he didn’t like that I raised my voice at him but I was only defending myself until I couldn’t,” you answer.

JJ felt his blood pressure rise so high, but he stayed calm to comfort you as he pulled you into his arms and tossed the joint away. You remembered the times he held you in his arms when you were sad about something so that’s exactly what he was doing.

"Does John B know?' he asks.

"No,"

“Listen, it’s not your fault, none of it is.” he reassures, “Rafe has his issues to work with but that doesn’t mean he had the right to treat you like that. You don’t deserve that; you deserve way better than that and more.”

“Thank you, JJ,” you say, still in his arms. “I appreciate that, I needed it.”

“Of course,” he affirms, “I’m also sorry. I wish I tried harder to get you out of that, I knew something was up— we all did but everyone was just stuck on what to do without any proof, you know?”

“No, I don’t want you or anyone else blaming yourself.” you reassure, “I still have you all at the end of the day, and that’s the most important to me.”

“Yeah, me too.” he mentions, "We're going to have to tell your brother as well."

"Hm, I don't like the sound of that." you say, "But I know I have to."

"I know," JJ adds, "but I'll be by your side if that makes you more comfortable?"

"I'd like that!" you exclaim, and he smiles.

You two hear the sounds of a dirt bike.

“Did one of them take your bike out for a joyride or something?” you joke.

“I didn’t bring it today…Kie drove Pope and I out here.” JJ says with a confused expression.

Your heart drops once again, remembering who else you knew who owned a dirt bike.

“Fuck, this cannot be happening,” you mutter to yourself as you both got up.

“It’s okay, just stay behind me,” JJ tells you.

You both watch Rafe make his way to your brother and the others.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Sarah calls out to him.

“Taking back what’s mine,” Rafe responds before looking around, “tell me where she is, and nothing happens.”

“Dude, get the fuck out of here.” John B warns him as he gets closer, “I don’t need any more of your bullshit right now.”

“Seriously, you’re crazy,” Sarah tells Rafe, “Just go back home.”

“Or what?” Rafe lets out a small laugh.

You were holding onto JJ’s arm, and you could tell JJ was getting angry just by Rafe's presence but unluckily, Rafe spotted you and JJ.

“Well, would you look at that!” Rafe calls out, “You see, Y/N? I knew you’d go back to that Pogue! You’re just a fucking slut!”

“Alright, fuck it,” JJ pulls out his gun from the pocket of his hoodie and points it at Rafe.

“JJ!” everyone but Rafe shouts.

Rafe had pulled his gun out as well and John B yelled at you to get down, so you did.

“You really wanna do this, man?” Rafe questions JJ.

JJ shrugs, “If it keeps you dead then yeah.”

“Not unless you’re the dead one first,” Rafe states, slowly moving his finger to the trigger.

You began shaking while John B motioned for you and JJ to stay quiet as he slowly made his way to Rafe and pushed him down to the ground. Shots were fired at the sky before Sarah grabbed Rafe’s gun and threw it into the water.

JJ made sure you weren’t shot or anything before he went to help your brother as Rafe was strangling him, and JJ pulled Rafe off of John B and took matters into his own hands. JJ threw punches at Rafe, but he fought back then JJ pressed his fingers into Rafe's eyes before he started to punch him again to the point of blood running down Rafe's face then JJ began strangling him back to feel what you felt the night he choked you.

John B and Pope pulled JJ off of Rafe this time while Sarah and Kie told you to go hide inside the house.

Your brother told JJ to take you somewhere far from there while they would handle Rafe, and JJ didn't hesitate and kicked Rafe in the stomach before doing so. Kie would’ve let him take the car, but it was her dad’s truck, and she wasn’t going to risk getting in trouble so he thought of taking Rafe’s bike as it added a little more taste of revenge.

After a couple of minutes, the commotion started calming down. You hated every second of it, you hated people yelling at each other, and you hated any type of fighting. You were feeling numb, all of it was happening too fast.

JJ came in, "We gotta go right now."

“Run!" you heard Kie shout as you both saw Rafe making his way towards you and JJ, who quickly grabbed your hand as you both ran towards the dirt bike.

You don't remember the last time you rode with JJ but this time, the wind hitting your face felt so freeing. An aura of colors felt like they were going inside your body as JJ sped up to where he was taking you. You took notice of the state his knuckles were in, all bloody. 

Within fifteen minutes, you both arrived near a small hidden shed near the woods. It intimated you to go in the woods with how dark it was, but JJ reassured you it was fine.

“How’d you find this place?” you ask him.

“Well,” he begins, “when I wanted to get away from my dad, I would hide here if I had nowhere else to go."

You nodded at his response, not knowing what to say as if you two didn’t go through chaos moments ago.

“This is also where John B and I first smoked weed together.” JJ laughs at the memory.

"I'm assuming this is where he would sneak off to then," you mention.

"For sure," JJ replies.

"I'm honestly worried right now for my brother and the others," you admit, "anything could have happened over there."

"The worst that could've happened is someone getting shot, but they got rid of it."

"That someone could've been you!" you cry out, "Rafe was pointing it at you."

JJ looks away for a second, rethinking the whole occurrence. 

"I was just trying to protect you..." he responds, "I couldn't risk losing you again if he had taken you or not,"

From that moment, you realized that the right one was always JJ. You both just needed the time to figure out the things in yourselves and what your heart truly desired and JJ had already done that; his heart desired you.

"And you did it, Jay," you reassure, feeling like your heart was screaming at you to spill out your true feelings, "just like you always have, it's you who I can always count on, and you've proven that."

JJ stares into your eyes, "What are you trying to say?"

"It's you who makes me feel safe and cared about, no matter what situation we're both in, you don't give up, and you're always there...it's you who I want."

JJ grabs your face, kissing you like he had been waiting to do that. You both missed this. His affection towards you always made you feel special, and you're the only person he's still ever wanted.

He pulls away, "You didn't have to tell me twice...I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," you smile, holding his hands that were still grabbing your face.

"So!" John B calls out with Sarah next to him who gives you a teasing smile, startling you, "It's a good thing I checked here first and yes, everything's taken care of."

"That's great man," JJ comments, acting like John B didn't catch you two in the middle of something.

John B pulls you into a hug when he sees your bruises and apologizes for what you went through. "From now on, promise me I'll be one of your first options to come if there's trouble."

"I promise,"

"I also just wanted to let you know, don't worry about him," Sarah refers to Rafe, "I got it taken care of and he's got other things to worry about so you're going to be okay."

Sarah had taken advantage of being her father's favorite so she just called him and took her side when she told him about Rafe's actions.

"Thank you, Sarah." you smile.

"So, you guys want to get out of here and do some illegal shit or?" John B asks, lightening the mood, "Pope and Kie are waiting in the Twinkie."

"Let's go!" JJ exclaims, "Lead the way, John B."

While everyone else gets in the Twinkie, you and JJ still go on the dirt bike with him now being the proud owner of two dirt bikes.

"Hey, listen," JJ looks back at you, "I know you just went through a lot, so I just wanted to let you know that there's no rush in anything between us, I'll always be by your side every step of the way and I'll be here when you're ready."

You smile and kiss him on the cheek, "Thank you, JJ, I'm glad to have you in my life."

JJ smiles and speeds off as you're hugging his waist, holding on tight but JJ was loving every second of it, happy to have you back in his life as well.

[salty-croissants]

your work is really incredible 🥰 if you're not too busy, how about bullfrog and rayman/ramon getting sick and reader taking care of them?

Thank you for the request ! 

This is such an adorable scenario , I love the idea of the reader taking care of the boys , very wholesome stuff :,) ❤️

Hope this turned out okay !

Details : use of gender neutral reader ;

established relationships ; 

presence of slightly suggestive elements at the end , but other than that no warnings needed

Bullfrog 💚

Knowing just how much he cares about those around him , I imagine Bullfrog is going to try to ignore the fact that he is sick , doing his best to carry on like usual with his routine and his missions …

But he didn’t consider the fact that you know him better than anyone , so you were quickly able to figure out that he wasn’t feeling at his best . 

< Okay Bullfrog , what’s wrong ? You’ve been looking really tired today … >

< Non non , nothing is wrong , my love … please don’t worry about me , I’m going to be just fine .

It’s … just a little headache . >

< Still , I really think you should get some rest . Come on sweetie . > 

< y/n , wait I - >

He knows that there is nothing he can do to convince you not to take care of him , and honestly he can’t say he’s unhappy .

The first thing you do is making sure he has everything he could need : 

a warm blanket ? Something warm to drink ? You’re on your way to immediately fetch what might help Bullfrog to feel better . 

In the meantime , he just watches you from the bed you’ve made him lay down on , shacking his head in front of your eagerness to help him …

< Mon amour , there is no reason to do all this , it’s not that bad … >

< I know you don’t want anyone to worry about you , but I’ll be honest , this doesn’t look like “a little headache” : you’ve been pushing yourself too hard lately , so I want to be there for you the same way you’re always there for me . 

You deserve to be cared about , love … more than you might think . >

Your sincere words just have a way of putting Bullfrog at ease , and if he wasn’t sick I assure you that he would drown you with kisses and affection right now .

If he knows there is something important you need to do , Bullfrog will definitely insist that you go deal with it before spending the rest of the day with him : 

he really doesn’t want to get you in trouble by having you stay by his side for too long …

< But sweetie , what if you suddenly need me when I’m away ? Then I won’t be able to know ! > 

< y/n , mon cher , I assure you that I can take care

of myself .

Besides , if you finish that up beforehand we’ll be able to spend time together more comfortably . > 

< Yeah , but … hmm , I don’t know … > 

< Trust me , I’m going to be just fine , you’ve already done so much for me … 

Now would be a good time to get going , I’ll be waiting for you right here . > 

< *sigh* … alright , but please be careful : you should probably lay down for a while longer , get some sleep if you can … 

Oh - you should also remember to drink some tea or some water to stay hydrated , and - > 

< Hehe … don’t you worry , I will take care of

myself .

Thank you for caring so much about me sweetheart … I’ll be looking forward to spend some more time with you again when you get back ~ > 

After you’re done with everything you had scheduled for the day , the next hours are all going to be spent next to Bullfrog , just the two of you cuddling and enjoying each other’s warmth .

It’s not long before he is completely relaxed , something that happens only when he’s with you , and that’s when he’ll start whispering sweet nothings in your ear : you may not be able to fully understand all of them , but hearing him speak so softly to you is just so sweet … it’s enough to make you forget about all the terrible things going on outside for a little while , only leaving this precious moment of intimacy .

< Did I tell you how much I love you today … ? >

< You did , but … tell me anyway ~ >

< Heh , vous êtes merveilleux , y/n … je t'aime de tout mon coeur , you really do mean everything to me … >

< Easy , honey … just close your eyes , you really need to get some sleep . >

Rayman 🧡

As someone who overworks himself very , very often , it’s not unusual for Rayman to get sick … however , now that he has a loving partner by his side things have changed … for the better : 

no matter what he says , you will get him to stop what he’s doing and take a break , and there is no way to argue about this . 

< Please y/n … I gotta study the script for the next show , it’s important … the Board of Directors said - > 

< Well , I think the Board of Directors would agree that letting you perform while you’re too exhausted to say a single word would be very counterproductive .

You can’t ignore your health like this , Ray … it’s not good for you , at all . > 

< *sigh* … >

< You can get back to the script when you feel a bit better .

Can … you do that for me , love ? > 

< Heh … now how could I say no to that ?

You really put me in a trap , sweetheart ~ > 

Rayman would be very grateful if you stayed with him while he recovers , not only because he loves spending time with you but also because your presence helps him to suppress the urge to get up and continue working despite his sickness …

< Heyy , I see you over there … lay back down ! > 

< Ah damn - I was really close this time … > 

< Not on my watch : I’m your Rest Guardian , and you better believe I won’t let you escape from me , darling ~ >

< Pfft -

I just … I love you so much y/n ~ > 

He loves it when you sit next to him , talking to him about how your day went and telling him all about your interests …

Your voice is like music to his ears , it brings him a feeling of peace and tranquility that he desperately needs given all the stress he has to deal with daily : 

Rayman honestly thinks that he wouldn’t be able to feel better without you … and he doesn’t only refer to his current condition .

If you decide to lay in bed with him and shower him with sweet little kisses ? 

This man will absolutely melt . 

< Don’t worry , I’ll take care of you … I’ll always be here to take care of you … >

< y/n … god , I can’t believe you’re actually real .

You’re amazing … I don’t know what I’d do without you . > 

Ramon 🖤

Okay , so now that the two of you are wanted by pretty much all of Eden’s allies for the murder of the Board of Directors , Ramon has grown to care less and less about his health , too worried about hiding and keeping you safe …

That’s something that you won’t allow tough , so whenever he gets sick you take care of him just like you did before : without giving him any chance to argue about it .

< Why are you making such a big deal out of this ?

I told you already , I’m fine . > 

< You … aren’t , tough . > 

< Yeah ? And how do you know that ? >

< Because I’ve been with you long enough to know when you’re sick … and also when you’re not telling the truth about it . 

Please , Ram , let me be there for you … I don’t want you to neglect yourself like this … > 

< … heh … put me in a trap again , I see . >

Ramon is grateful for your kindness and love , and even though he doesn’t always makes things easy he really wants you to be there with him … 

He … doesn’t really have anyone else . 

Ramon definitely takes way longer to become less tensed , constantly worried about someone sneaking up on you two out of nowhere , and since he really does need some rest to recover one thing you do that always helps him calm down is holding him in your arms and gently caress his hair : 

it works surprisingly well , and after a few minutes he already looks more at ease .

He needs to feel you next to him to make sure you’re okay and nothing bad happened to you , so trust me when I say that after he gets a hold of you Ramon isn’t going to let you go that easily …

< Sweetie , come on , I just need to go and get some more water for you … > 

< Mmh … 5 more minutes . >

< But you said that 5 minutes ago … > 

< You’re right … 10 minutes then ~ >

< Come onnn ~ >

Ramon still loves it when you kiss him while he’s in bed with you , just like you did in the past when he was still hosting his show , and sometimes he might even surprise you with passionate displays of affection out of nowhere .

< Hey now , you … mm … said you were going to sleep soon … > 

< Yeah yeah , I’ll sleep love , don’t worry …

I just wanted to repay you for everything you’ve done for me today … I think you deserve something nice , don’t you ? ~ > 

< Heh , alright … just a few more minutes then … > 

< Couldn’t ask for more … ~ >

[jihyoruri]

What's the story behind Karina and Paranoia!yn. How'd they meet? how long did they fool around? Would any of them be up to a 2nd chance?

The answers may or may not dictate whether I start campaigning for paranoia!yn x Karina🫣

well first let me explain paranoia’s origin story for the people that don’t know.

they’re childhood friends who loved music, especially making it so they were constantly playing their instruments together and singing, then when they were like 16/17 they auditioned to sm as a joke but actually got in, sm quickly realized that they definitely can’t shape these three into idols LOL ( asked them to dance once and it was a disaster) but they knew that couldn’t let these music prodigy’s go SO they kept the three in their dungeon to make music for other sm artists while also training them to perfect their vocals, rap and stage presence skills so while also making songs for sm artists they three would make their own little projects and covers so they can get evaluated and after one of their projects sm as a whole was so amazed by the three that they decided to debut for first REAL BAND.

now with THAT karina and yn obviously know each other because of them both being under sm entertainment and yn making some songs for aespa.

karina always thought yn was a cool girl, very rebellious and creative but it wasn’t until spicy era that she actually felt attracted to yn, yn had made multiple songs for aespa in the past but ig this era yn just had something different about her to her, she was still technically a trainee (paranoia didn’t debut until like six months after) but there was just something about the way she held herself that was really catching karina’s attention.

yn always thought karina was pretty but she felt like she would never have a chance she’s like 2-3 years younger than her so she felt like even trying to talk up to her like she has done to other people that she found an interest in was never gonna happen (and she honestly had a lot of respect for karina and felt like having a fling with someone like her would be beyond disrespectful in her mind she felt like karina deserved a real relationship.

but BOOM after working with the girls for unhappy karina reached out to her asking if she wanted to hang out, yn was hesitant but she did, and once she realized that karina might mean this romantically she told her that she’s a person who gets pretty uncomfortable when it comes to relationships and karina said and I quote “that’s perfect I’m an idol I don’t need the weight of a relationship either.” and that’s how it happened.

and this went on alllllll the way until paranoia officially debuted so they had a fling for about five months because sadly karina was catching the feels like some realllll feels but she knew what yn told her and decided to not take the chance of telling her to ruin their relationship because even if they couldn’t have their fling or date she still wanted to be friends with yn so she ended the fling.

what’s so tragic about this is the fact that yn was lowkey catching feels too but not as much as jimin so as soon as jimin ended it her feelings went away very quickly.

jimin would definitely be up to a second chance because there are times when she completely regrets not telling yn when they hang out as friends.

yn on the other hand would have to put a lot of thinking into it.

[unknowndrone]

Begging To Stay

Lena Luthor x Fem!Reader

Pt 1

Prompt: Lena is trying to get used to being married to the reader in the new earth when she overhears reader being offered a chance to remember the other reader’s memories from Lena’s earth.

WC: 1.5k

_________________________________

It was a strange reality for her to deal with, but nevertheless, she dealt with it. The two of you still shared the same bed from time to time, but the tension was still there. Granted that tension mainly came from Lena as opposed to you. But with time, Lena found herself slowly, but surely getting used to this new life. She learned not to blame this version of you for an event you were never even aware of. At the same time, she got used to you calling her ‘honey’ or ‘sweetie,’ a habit that you couldn’t get yourself out of. 

Despite Lena adjusting, what she didn’t know was your slowly crumbling mental health. Ever since you discovered Lena’s doubt of her love towards you, you couldn’t but feel as if this new Lena felt stuck with you. You started to believe that your presence was making Lena more unhappy by the second. You know yourself and Lena has reassured you time and time again that she doesn’t blame this version of you for lying to her because truthfully, you didn’t even lie with her, to begin with. 

Lena was at work one day and she had been specifically looking for you for a referral over a trustworthy recruit who would oversee the security department. Since you knew the people better than her at the moment, she always asked you for opinions. She manages to find you in Alex’s office accompanied by J’onn.

“Y/N, I don’t think you would understand what will happen if I do it,” J’onn warns. 

“I don’t think you understand either. She is hurting, J’onn, and I know she’s still carrying that burden whenever wherever go. She isn’t happy where she is.”

Alex shakes her head in disbelief. “And how would you know that? You should know that woman hated your guts when she found out the other version of you was hiding Kara’s secret; as in neither of you spoke to each other in months because of it. Would you really jeopardize your relationship like that?”

“I think my relationship with Lena died when she woke up.”

J’onn points at you angrily, “no it didn’t. She is still there. She’s starting to love you all over again. Lena isn’t blaming you for something a different version of you had done. You can’t just impulsively throw your happiness away like this.”

“If she’s not happy, I’m not happy. You’re giving me my memories back and that’s final.” You put your foot down sternly, your eyes cold and unchanged.

J’onn sighs heavily, eventually nodding in defeat. “Fine,”

Crossing her expression in disbelief, Alex does her best to try to contradict you, “J’onn, no!” Yet, it seems that J’onn had ignored Alex’s plea.

“Meet me here by tomorrow if you’re still willing to do it.”

You smile in victory. Thanking the both of them, you leave with a smile on your face, not noticing Lena who hid behind the door, listening to your conversation.

________________________________________

You finally arrive home, sighing heavily. Yet the moment you saw Lena standing by the door, the corners of your lips draw up to a force smile. “You’re home early,” you comment.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lena’s voice was as cold as ice, and the arctic tone was enough to numb a piece of your heart. Shit, she found out.

“Lena-“

She recoils when you try to take a step towards her. “How could you do this?”

“I-I just thought-“ The words could barely come out of your mouth.

“You thought what?” She asks impatiently. “Tell me, Y/N!” Lena’s eyes burn from the pain, from the feeling of betrayal. For a moment, it was as if she was reliving the moment all over again with you and the memories were only beginning to flood Lena’s mind. 

You throw your hands up exasperated and somewhat desperate as you try to maintain your composure. “Because I thought this was what you needed.”

Lena shakes her head in denial. “No, that isn’t true.”

“Things aren’t the same as it was between us and it’s clear that you don’t love me or want me. It would make things easier for the both of us if I just forgot this world existed and you have the right Y/N in front of you.”

“You are the right Y/N. You weren’t the one that betrayed me to Lex. Stop trying to associate yourself with someone that isn’t you.”

“But when you look at me, all you see is that version of me. I know you front and back, Lena. When there’s something wrong, I’m the first one to notice, and I know you aren’t happy with where you are.”

“You can’t just make that call yourself. I’m not happy because I’m trying to figure out this new world that we’re all living in and why Lex is still alive. I’m not happy because I’m frustrated with Supergirl and the DEO and how they handled the Crisis. The only reason why I haven’t broken down yet is because I have someone who is always there to help me, who is always trying to do what’s best for me. That’s you, Y/N, it has always been.”

You avert your eyes from her, unable to look. If you stay any longer, the small voice in the back of your head would start growing and your mind was going to change. You can’t, you have to suppress it. She approaches you, placing both her hands on your shoulders which causes your muscles to tense where the warmth from her hands makes contact. “Lena-“

“I need you Y/N. If you follow through with this tomorrow, I won’t know who I can turn to. You make this reality less daunting and more bearable than the last. Please,” she pleads. “Please don’t leave me.”

You finally go to look at her, staring deeply into her eyes, seeing them water at the brim. She was threatening to cry, she was about to cry. You bite your lip as the tears in your eyes were ready to pool over, too. In those moments, you wish that things were back to normal again and you curse whoever gave you this fate. 

“Say something, Y/N.”

You place your hand on your shoulder, on top of her hand, squeezing it gently, rubbing her knuckles in your best attempt to comfort her. The voice in your head was blaring in your ears, deafening you from your old intentions. Stay. That’s what you want. She still waits for your response. From Lena’s eyes, she could see a shift in your eyes as the walls of your feelings start to crumble down. That’s when she knew, you didn’t want to do what you were going to do tomorrow. 

“Is this what you want?” You ask her.

“This is what I need,” she corrects. “I can’t do this without you. Maybe you don’t want to hear it now, but I just want you to know that I love you. I fell in love with you, all over again. Ever since I had woke until now, all I think about is you and how lucky I am to have you. I wouldn’t have this if you go to J’onn tomorrow. You've made me happy, Y/N.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little which causes some concern to rise in Lena’s eyes. Yet, you were quick to reassure her. “It’s like you recited our wedding day vows,” you joke. The joke was enough to have the corner of Lena’s lips curl into a smile, and in return, you smile a little too. She squeezes your hand back, which causes you to only her hand back, too. “I love you, too, Lena. I haven’t stopped loving you.”

She sighs in relief. Suddenly, you feel your lips occupied. Lena’s arms wrap around your frame and you instantly feel your body relax under the hold. It felt forever and another eternity since the last time you had felt the feeling of warmth touch your lips. Deepening the kiss, you hadn’t realized how much you had been longing for Lena’s loving touch. Lena, on the other hand, was absorbing the moment once more. For her, she hasn’t been able to do this to you since forever and eternity. The passion burns between the both of you, and finally, you both realize that this is what you two need. Love. You needed each other. 

When the two of you pull away, the tears that have been waiting to fall finally fall on both of your cheeks. The emotions were too overbearing. “Please stay,” she pleads.

You only wrap your arms around her to pull her closer to you, “For you, always.”

________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading! Someone asked for the reposted shit so here it is. I hope you have a great day/night, and may you always stay safe. If you need anything, I’ll be right here. :)

[dankfarrikfifi]

An End and a Beginning

Pt.5 of Some Version of You, 3.3k

WARNINGS: MDNI 18+ only, angst, reader’s dad is an asshole, discussions of divorce, discussions of an unhappy marriage, internal conflict, anxiety, lots of questioning things, mentions of losing a home, lmk if I missed anything!

You have a tough conversation with your mom, and an even worse one with your dad after, and Frankie is always there for you.

In the six months that you and Frankie have been together, you’ve come to realize how much you were missing in life before meeting him. You take turns staying at each other’s houses, spending more time together than not. You went on the best dates you’ve ever experienced, eating his delicious cooking and enjoying each other’s company. He made you happier than you thought a partner could, despite that little voice in your head that said you were getting attached a little too fast. How could you not, though? Frankie was the epitome of the person you’ve always dreamt of being with, and now that you have him in your life, you aren’t keen on letting go.

You find yourself daydreaming during your cafe shifts about your future, and in every vision you see Frankie. A life together, with the man of your dreams. A part of you was honestly startled by it, but it was usually outnumbered by the parts of you that basked in his presence. And that didn’t bother you one bit. Until your mother calls on a random Tuesday that, in your mind, holds no significance.

“You know it’s our anniversary right?” she asks you mid-conversation, and your breath catches for a minute.

“Like your and dad’s anniversary?” you question, caught off guard by the sudden change in topic from what meals you and Frankie had made earlier in the week.

“Yup,” Is your mom’s simple response.

”Wow, I didn’t even know that, I’m sorry,” you apologize sincerely. You know how your mom still aches from their divorce, and you do feel guilty knowing you had forgotten a day that had once held so much significance for her.

”It’s okay sweetie,” your mom assures you, “I didn’t expect you to remember, it’s been a long time since any of us celebrated it. Just made me think, did you know that this year we’ve been apart for as long as we were together? I just can’t reconcile with that for some reason.”

She trails off and you’re honestly not sure what to respond with. Your parents have been divorced since you were eight, and at that point their relationship had devolved to the point that you couldn’t imagine them being in love at any point. In fact, you honestly never understand what brought them together in the first place, given the animosity you had experienced. The silence is only a little awkward.

”Oh sweetie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bum you out,” your mom rushes out, “I just couldn’t help thinking of it, you know the way you talk about Frankie? I used to talk about your dad like that to my mom. I definitely want to meet him, it sounds like you really like him!”

The conversation picks back up, but you find yourself suddenly unable to pay attention, the words your mom had spoken are the only things you can focus on. The way you talk about Frankie reminding her of your dad? Nothing could scare you more than that. You chat for a while longer before letting your mom know it’s time to go to work. It’s not 100% a lie, your shift starts in two hours so you have to start getting ready at some point, but really you just need some time to think.

You’re midway getting dressed for work, completely lost in your own thoughts, when you notice Benny standing in the doorway of your bedroom.

”Jesus, Ben,” you yelp, “How long have you been standing there?”

”I’ve been trying to get your attention for like a minute, weirdo, what’s up with you?” he questions, stepping forward to pull you into a hug. You didn’t know how bad you needed it till now.

”I don’t know,” you murmur into his chest, finding comfort in the arms of your best friend, “I talked to mom and she said something that just made me, I don’t know, start to overthink.”

“What did she say?” He pulls away a bit to sit the two of you on the edge of your bed. You lean your head on his shoulder and start talking, suddenly unable to stop.

“She was talking about how it’s her and my dad’s anniversary today, and she said the way I talk about Frankie reminded her of them and I just, I don’t know it freaked me out,” you find yourself becoming a bit misty eyed as you speak, “I never knew my parents being happy in their marriage. They were always bickering and wouldn’t talk for days on end. I’m worried about Frankie and I, I don’t know, burning out? Ending up like them?”

Benny pulls you tighter against him, resting his own head on top of yours. He lets you rant for a while, spilling your guts out until you realize you have to leave for work in a few minutes. You wipe your eyes, pulling back to look up at Benny, who hasn’t said much. You raise your eyebrow, encouraging him to speak.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” he admits, “All I can say is you gotta do what’s best for you, and if you’re legitimately worried, why don’t you talk to Frankie?”

”What would I even say?” you ask, an edge to your voice that you just can’t help, “I can’t just go up to him and say we have to break up because my parents are divorced. Plenty of people’s parents are divorced, and they can have happy lives. Why can’t I?”

You’re winding yourself up, you can tell, so you take a few deep breaths. Benny is looking at you, a look you can’t quite decipher on his face. Before he can speak, you turn around to grab your flannel.

“I gotta get to work, I’ll see you later,” you smile at him, or at least attempt to, and shuffle down the stairs and out the door.

———————————————————————

Dinner at mine or your’s tonight?

You’ve been staring at the text from Frankie for at least 10 minutes now, completely frozen. How could you talk to him about all that’s been going through your head today without making your worries known? You aren’t ready to approach that yet, so you set your phone down and start your closing duties. By the time you finish, you feel like you can’t ignore him any longer without being an asshole.

Sorry, not feeling good tonight :( maybe we can reschedule?

You’ve barely hit send before a response comes through. It warms your heart for a moment, before the tight grip of anxiety takes over again.

I’m sorry. Is there anything you need?

You let it sit again on your drive home, and you’re just pulling in the driveway when your phone rings.

“Hey pretty girl,” Frankie’s voice is soft, and you find it bringing you comfort, “Are you okay?”

You clear your throat before answering, a nervous tick you both seem to share.

”Uh, hey, sorry I was driving home from work,” you tell him, your voice weak, “I just, I’ve had a bad day.”

”I’m sorry, hermosa, anything I can do?” his unwavering kindness almost breaks through the wall you were quickly building.

“I, I don’t know,” you say honestly, “I’ve just got a lot on my mind from my mom today.”

”Are you okay? You know I’m here for you, right? Anything you need.”

”I think I need some time to think,” you blurt out, and you can feel your heart drop through your stomach, “My mom she just, she gave me a lot to think about that I can’t get out of my head and I just, I don’t know what I want to do right now.”

Frankie takes a second to respond, just long enough for your brain to start panicking.

“When you say you need to think, do you mean about us? What did your mom say?”

”I think so,” you almost whisper, tears forming in the corners of your eyes, “She told me that we remind her of her and my dad when they were young, and I don’t know if I could handle us turning out the same way they did.”

He takes another second, letting out a deep sigh. You’re starting to truly cry, and you know he can hear it.

”I can see where you’re coming from, but also, we aren’t your parents, are we?” His voice is still soft, but you can also hear an ounce of pain in it, “I, I’m gonna let you think for a while, just know that I really care about you, like a lot, and I hope you know that.”

You sniffle, taking a deep breath.

”Ok, I know, I just, I need a bit,” you mutter, trying not to show how upset you are, “Thank you for listening, I’ll talk to you soon.”

He bids you a gentle goodbye, and before long it’s just you sitting in the silence of your car. You take a moment to compose yourself, not wanting Benny to see you so miserable. After some deep breaths, you trudge inside, not taking note of the fact that the car in your driveway is not Benny’s.

——————————————————————

You’re midway through untying your shoes when you hear someone clearing their throat. You jump, startled by the sudden voice of someone that is not your roommate. Rising to your feet and turning around, you come face to face with the last person you need to see today.

”Hello,” your dad greets with his usual formality, “Took you long enough to get back.”

You swallow harshly, completely taken aback by the fact that your father is standing in front of you, in your house, your safe space. His presence was never one of comfort, reminding you of days he had yelled at you for leaving your shoes out when you were six, nights of being lectured over and over.

“Hi, dad,” you can’t help it when your voice cracks a little, still reeling from the conversation you had with Frankie. “What, uh, what are you doing here?”

”I came here to talk to you, and hopefully Benjamin, but I don’t see him and this can’t wait.”

You start to panic, these talks with your dad always ending in a fight, or tears, or both. And yet, you nod and lead him further into the house. You offer him a glass of water, which he declines, and you soon find yourself sitting at your kitchen table with your father staring you down. It feels so odd, having him here in what, for the last three years, had been your own home.

“I have been graciously allowing you to stay in this house for quite a while,” he jumps right in, and his tone has your throat tightening, “But, my father left this house to me when he passed, not you, and it would make a very lucrative piece of property.”

”Are you saying-“ you start, but your dad holds up his hand with a severe glint in his eye. You stop immediately.

“What I’m saying,” he resumes, his tone suddenly harsh, “Is that I am no longer allowing you to live in this house”

Your mind goes blank, ears ringing as you try to process what he just said. You blink a few times, staring at him wide-eyed. He stares right back and doesn’t back down.

”Do you understand what I’m telling you?” he pushes, and you shake your head on instinct, trying to pull yourself out of whatever nightmare you’ve found yourself in. ”Then let me make it clear. This is my house, and it will now be treated as such. No more handouts, I am done furnishing your inactivity.You and Benjamin have two weeks to vacate before I take legal action.”

With that, he stands and leaves the house without another word. You’re still sitting in the dining room when Benny walks in 20 minutes later, staring at the wood grain of the table. The table that you’ve built memories on, sharing breakfast with your best friend, writing stories while Will cooks. You even think about the time Frankie had propped you on the edge of this table while devouring your mouth with his own.

You’re torn from your thoughts by Benny’s hand patting your shoulder as he passes. When you don’t respond, continuing to stare at the table and run your fingers over it, he calls your name, placing his face in your eye line. You can’t help it when you burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, pulling you into his arms as you sob, “Seriously bud, what’s going on?”

You take some shuddering breaths before explaining the conversation you had just had. Benny goes stiff against you, pulling you closer as you talk. You can feel him breathing shallowly, and you think he’s freaking out just as much as you are. Finally, he pulls back to look you in the eyes. For just a moment, you think he’s mad at you. And then he starts talking.

“Fuck that guy,” he spits, suddenly standing up to pace, “No, seriously, fuck him. Who cares if he takes the house away? We’ll find another place, we’ll find a new home, but him? He’s always gonna be a bitter asshole!”

You let him rant for a moment, resting your head in your hands. You understand that he’s upset, and that this is how Benny usually processes his anger, but you just feel numb. You’re upset, for sure, but no expression of that upset feels appropriate. In fact, there’s only one thing you want to do. You silently excuse yourself to the backyard, plopping down onto your hammock, facing away from the house. You send a single text before throwing your phone on the ground in frustration.

You rest your head back, staring up at the sky with one foot planted on the ground, rocking yourself back and forth. You’re lost in thought, or more lack thereof, when a shadow crosses over you. You barely blink when Frankie eases himself into the spot next to you. Without saying anything, he takes over the rocking for you as you curl into a little ball against his side. He wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer as your shoulders shake a bit with your sniffles.

“It’s gonna be ok,” he murmurs, hand soothing down your back. You can’t help but feel immediately soothed by his presence, your heartbeat slowing and your breath evening out. You mumble something into his chest, but he hums and pulls you away to better hear you.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, voice hoarse. “I thought, I don’t know why I thought we would end up like them, but I know, I know for sure now that we won’t and I know that-”

You’re rambling, and he lets you, until you’re out of words and just breathing him in. You can feel yourself growing calmer, the intense rush of emotions finally easing its grip on you. You lift your head and meet Frankie’s gaze. He’s already looking at you, his eyes soft. He waits for you to talk first.

“My dad is a bad person,” he looks a little startled by your opening line, “he’s a dick with no emotions and I don’t know how anyone could ever love him. You? You’re a good person, you’d never treat me the way he treated my mom, you’d never do what he’s doing to his kid. We’re not my parents, and I’m sorry for even suggesting that.”

”You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, hermosa,” his hand lifts to smooth across your brow, your eyes sliding shut at the comforting motion, “I want you to be happy, and comfortable, and if you needed to make sure that’s how you feel, I’m happy to let you take the time to think.”

You smile, a soft curve of your lips that sets his heart alight. He pulls you closer into him, until you’re practically on top of his warm chest. You tilt your head up to face him, brushing a strand of his hair away from his forehead.

“I did need time to think,” you whisper against his lips, “But I know now, I’m happy and comfortable when I’m with you. I want to be with you.”

He presses his mouth firmly against yours and you return the kiss with fervor. The two of you sit together, content to breathe each other in for the moment. You’re pulled away from the kiss by the voices of the boys filtering out from the back door. It’s only then that you realize how cold you are, the February air biting at your cheeks despite Frankie’s warmth.

“I want to stay here, with you, forever,” you murmur, lips gently brushing his, “But I’m freezing my ass off, and we have to start packing.”

He lifts you in his arms, a surprised laugh bursting from your lips as you wrap your legs around his waist. He carries you inside, plopping the two of you onto the love seat, joining Benny, Will, and Santi in the living room. There are already drinks on the table, and you happily help yourself to one, sipping it slowly and leaning against Frankie.

The five of you chat, sharing your favorite memories of the house. It feels like you’re ending a chapter of your life that you weren’t quite prepared for but you try to look at the positive side of things. An end of one chapter, yes, but, you hope, the beginning of a whole new story.

—---------------------------------------------------

Two weeks. How is one supposed to take all their earthly possessions, say goodbye to their home, and find a new one, all in two weeks? This was a question you were quickly finding the answer to, which is that it’s next to impossible. Every box filled brings a wave of emotion, of memories. The worst of all? The search for a new house. Will had offered to let you and Benny split the guest room, but it was far from a permanent solution. And then, finally, a solution presents itself.

You’re packing your bedroom, the last hurdle to reach the end of this arduous process. Frankie is helping with your clothes, folding and putting them in a box as you pull them from your dresser. You’re working in a comfortable silence, broken only by his humming of whatever song comes on. It’s been like this for at least an hour, little to no talking as you pack and pack and pack. So you’re a bit startled when Frankie speaks.

“So, when are we talking about you moving in with me?” he asks you, still focusing on folding an old pajama shirt. He looks up at you and sees the surprised look on your face before continuing. “I mean, that is what’s happening, right? I just kind of assumed but…”

He trails off, and you’re still staring at him. He has just a moment to reconsider his question before you beam at him, the type of smile that lights up your entire face.

“Well, took you long enough to ask, jeez,” you joke, resuming the task at hand as if you hadn’t just made a huge decision with your boyfriend, “I mean, you really think I can live with not one, but two Miller boys, and remain sane?”

He laughs, a boisterous noise that warms you from the inside. He pulls you to him, pressing a chaste kiss against your lips before the two of you pick up your packing at a renewed pace. You chance a glance at him, watching as he carefully folds your clothes, preparing to move you into his home. A sense of intense content spreads through your chest, a feeling you hadn’t felt before consuming you. You start to realize that, despite the fact you’re losing the building you had lived in, you were gaining something much more important. Because with Frankie, you know you’ll always feel at home.

[elisysd]

A trip to Bali

Masterlist

8 months after Paris

Ethan and Julia - 25 years old

He had welcomed the summer break with pleasure. The first part of his season hadn’t been the way he had hoped to. Of course, he had to get used to the machine that was Lamborghini. More services, more people working, bigger sponsors, bigger pressure than what he had known in Maserati. And the car wasn’t meeting his expectations either. He could still feel Kyle in the way it had been developed, making it hard for him to find a good feeling. His driving style and Kyle’s were not alike.

Until there, the season had been challenging and stressful. But he was determined to help wherever he could and to give his all. But for now, he was enjoying a nice afternoon, in the pool of the luxurious hotel he had decided to spend two weeks of doing nothing with his girlfriend. Julia was resting on a lounge chair, her sunglasses, covering her eyes. She was busy letting her pen wander on the page of her sketchbook. Feeling alone and bored, Ethan swam to her.

“Are you drawing me?” he asked.

“I’m drawing the landscape.”

“I’m part of the landscape.”

She chuckled, closing her sketchbook and putting it aside before joining him in the pool.

“I’ve never thought I would ever say this but, if I could stay here forever with you, I would. I don’t want to go back.” he said, pinning her against one of the pool’s walls, and burying his head in her neck.

“I know it’s hard and it’s not what you thought it would be but hang on. It’ll get better.”

“I think I was naive. I thought that now that I was in a top team, one that is used to winning, I would realise my dream. I didn’t think they would screw up the car development… Kyle left but his shadow is everywhere.”

“It was a brutal change for everyone, no one expected Kyle to leave. You need time to adjust.” Julia tried to reassure him, a hand on his cheek.

“It’s frustrating. I’m good but I can’t show it like I want to.”

“You’ll get there.” she promised him, before giving him a kiss.

They spend the rest of the day, playing in the pool and sunbathing, just enjoying each other’s presence. They were in their own bubble, one they didn’t want to leave. Heavy topics were left aside until dinner when Ethan noticed that Julia was barely listening to him and seemed in her own world. When he asked her what was wrong she shrugged.

“It’s nothing. While you were getting ready for the restaurant I got a call from my dad. He wants to know if I’m ready to join Ferrari.”

“I was thinking about it. How different it will be for us one you’ll start there… I’ve been used to have you around in the Lamborghini garage.”

“That’s the thing… I’m not sure I want to go back there.” she confessed.

“What? Why? That was your dream.”

“I know but, dreams change. And I didn’t think I would enjoy working on Somnis so much. We’re launching the program officially with registrations and all at the end of the season and I want to be fully involved in the preparations. Finding interveners for the summer classes, organising the activities… I don’t want to give up on that. I’m just scared I’ll disappoint my dad.”she explained.

“He would be disappointed if you were doing something that was making you unhappy. For what is worth, I support you and I’m not saying that because it means that I’ll get to have you for myself for the rest of the year.”

“And the year after. You’re stuck with me.” she smiled. “I’ll call him later. Could you stay with me?”

“I’ll hold your hand, if you want me to.”

“I know it’s stupid but I’m feeling so ungrateful to turn it down after everything he’s done for me and all the shit I’ve put him through. I know I shouldn’t feel that way. I’m doing something that I love, something I’m passionate about, it’s what matters but…”

“Overthinker once, always an overthinker.”

“Exactly.”

Ethan took her hand in his, kissing her knuckles as they were starting to eat their dessert before coming back to their room. They changed into night clothes, Julia took more time than usually to do her night routine, pushing the moment she would have to call her dad as further away as possible. When she finally came back from the bathroom and laid down her head on Ethan’s chest. As he felt her slowly drifting to sleep, he took her phone and handed it to her.

“You have something to do.”

“It’s morning there….” she complained.

“Julia…”

“Fine.”

She sighed and sat down as Ethan was doing the same, and pressed the call button. It didn’t take long for her dad to answer. After a quick smalltalk, Julia told him she had an important thing to say and proceeded to explain him what she had talked about with Ethan.

“You have all the right to be disappointed and angry, I’ll understand but I’ve given a lot of thoughts and…”

“I don’t care Julia. you don’t have to justify yourself. I’m not angry and even less disappointed. If anything, I’m proud of you. You’re doing something that makes you happy and that’s the only thing I could ever wish for but if one day, you want to join me, I’ll be more than happy to have you onboard.”

Julia looked at Ethan biting her lips but with her eyes full of relief. She thanked her dad, promising to visit him as soon as she would be back from her holidays and dropped the call.

“I told you, you had nothing to worry about.” Ethan said, pulling her against him.

“Thank you, for being there, though. And I’m sorry to use you as emotional support.”

“You listened to me for the past six months complaining about Lamborghini, I can handle you complaining for a day. And I’m glad you talked to me about your insecurities and feelings.”

“Look at us communicating… Who would have thought?” she laughed.

“Me. I’ve always had faith in us. Even when it was tough, I’ve always known he would overcome everything life was throwing at us. Because I loved you, and I keep on finding new things to love about you everyday.”

“Alright, mister romantic, I think it’s time for you to sleep.”

Author's note: And here is your first bonus chapter! They are all gong to be in this vibe: short, sweet and funny. I hope you will like them as muchh as I do.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist:

@herondalism @aundercover @musingsbyshreya @karmabyfernando @reengard @mycenterfold @smoooothoperator

[sips-tea-cutely]

6:25 AM - tipping and toppling even if it makes us sick

“Let's not look at each other who will get off first

Let’s not drag things out

Let's follow our hearts

Let's put an end to this

A repeated seesaw game

Let's stop it now.” —Trivia 轉 : Seesaw

(cw: adultery, supposed to have beta but they’re always dead just like oda 😞, theyre unhappy but they stay together, bsd withdrawal causes ooc dazai)

“You’re up early.” Dazai closed the bedroom door and ran a hand through his hair. “Mhm, where’s my award?” he joked as he sat down, the coffee you’ve prepared for him already going cold. Neither of you spoke, nor did you dare break the silence. The previous night was quite the fever dream to you both, an estranged memory of arguments stuck in your heads. To be honest, he couldn’t remember what started it all; to him, your relationship has always been like this.

Your smile, your voice, everything about you— he used to glorify it and sing its praises to anyone willing to listen. you were like his drug; a quick fix to escape his dreadful reality— a drug that quickly became a sickening addiction. The high you’d give him eventually faded, the sense of relief that came with your presence eventually became offending to him, something that disturbed even his sense of self.

‘You’re quite patient to be able to deal with someone like Dazai, s/o. It’s admirable.’ ‘Ahh, I could never let my big brother go if he flirted with other women! You should tell him to stop it, s/o!’ the agency often commented on your romance with Dazai— after all, who’d think the man who revered death as an end of suffering would live another day for you? A mischievous boyfriend and a patient s/o, how perfect!

He’s only extending both his and your misery, and he fucking knows it. He can’t even find it in himself to care, he doesn’t have the energy to acknowledge you at all. To him, you’re just a hindrance to get past the day. At the same time though, your presence comforts Dazai— it allows him to feel like there is a worse person than him. Of course, logically, it makes no sense, but without you, Dazai ends up cockier and more secretive than he usually is.

To him, you were his only definition of love. Is love tiring? if it’s you, then it most definitely is. He’s so sick of you; the devastating beauty of you and your god awful contrast— the Kronos to your Gaia, all he did was ruin you until you broke, corrupting your mind to the brink of hysteria.

“Ah… Mr. Dazai, should we really be doing this..? I'll get fired if we are caught!” The nurse cried out. “Oh, but you’re so pent up, aren’t you?” he innocently asked. “Let me help you relax for a while.” he smiled, a genuine one.

Adultery is wrong— everyone should know that, but she was a fresh breath of air. there was no obligation to love you, there was only him in his own world.

For a moment, Dazai could’ve sworn he saw a glimpse of someone slightly peeking through, fleeing and leaving the door ajar at the sight of him. “Did you forget to lock the door? we are sure to get caught if we don’t.” he looked back at the nurse before gently pushing her off of the hospital bed.

You didn’t say anything about his injury— you barely acknowledged that he was gone. Perhaps you didn’t care, or you didn’t want to know anything about it— either way, it saved him from reciting the speech he thought of while coming back.

He shouldn’t have begged you for that date— looking back, it’s honestly embarrassing how much trouble he went through. If he didn’t, he’d be a single bachelor, free to do as his heart desired.

No one is forcing him to date you, it’s stupid how scared he is, scared of losing the agency’s trust. If he broke your heart, everyone would see it as Dazai being a heartbreaker; if he manipulated you into breaking up with him, they’d still assume he did something horrible. It’s like that term— digging your own grave, was it?

As he put down his cup, he cupped your hand across the table— “I care for you, okay~?” He scrunched up his mouth and eyes into a smile. I care for you, not ‘I love you’. It was painstakingly obvious. “Thanks, ‘Samu. Remember that I’m here for you as well.” you hummed back to him, smiling back as if you were trying to convince yourself that you loved him again.

He’s so sick of you, both of you know that. but he can’t see himself with anyone but you either.

[pixies-and-poets]

Of Verses and Curses: Chapter Six

Author’s notes:

THIS CHAPTER WASN’T SUPPOSED TO EXIST! Honestly, it wasn’t in my plans at all, and it was just supposed to be the first part (where Sweets and Dryad are eavesdropping in the forest), and then go straight into what’s now going to be the next chapter. However, as I was writing, I thought of the idea for this part and felt like it would naturally slot in and provide some important development, and prevent things from feeling like they were moving too fast. In other words, this part is important, and I am fond of it, but it almost wasn’t here at all! I also wrote pretty much this whole thing tonight in a fit of fevered typing, which is unusual for me as I typically work on these chapters gradually! Whew! My wrists hurty!

Next chapter is gonna be kinda heavy, but this one? Naw, still fluffy happy bunny times!

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six - Friends of the Forest

The days passed, and not a one without the fallen singer and the former poet seeing each other. Dinner turned into walks in the woods, and walks in the woods turned into sitting by the riverbank, and spending time in the evening and afternoon turned into spending time in the starlight. There was always so very much to discuss; and yet they began to find that they enjoyed each other’s presence even in silence.

It was the talk of the town.

On the fifth day, Sweetlopek, who had barely seen his best friend all week, was spending the fine morning in the woods with Dryad. She was feeling out trees, floating upwards to run her paws along their bark and branches; sensing which limbs were weak and likely to break off in future windstorms, so that he could go ahead and trim them.

“Hmm,” she was murmuring with a smile, her hand on large tree. “I was afraid of this one not recovering from darkmess poisoning… but it seems to be doing better and better. Not every plant out here was so-”

Suddenly her partner slid behind the massive trunk and took her by the paw, pulling her back there with him.

“Sweets!” she said, blushing. “Now’s really not the time-”

He shook his head, hissed “shh!” and pointed out into the distance. It was then that Dryad noticed the chatter and laughter of two deep voices coming from some distance away. The two of them peered out carefully and saw Woodrow and the Phantom come out into a clearing. They were smiling together - Woodrow was positively giddy. Sweets could scarcely believe his eyes. Was he… was he goofing off?! He was kicking up the leaves with his hindpaws…

“You do miss one thing by not having legs,” came his voice faintly. “The feel of the leaves and the earth under your feet. I wish you could feel it-”

“Mmm,” the voice of the Phantom reached the lumberjack and the dryad, as they saw him put his hand to his mouth in thought. “I think I can feel it well enough.” He then suddenly plopped his large floating body down in a pile of leaves, sending them flying up in a flurry, some of them landing on Woodrow like a splash. The erstwhile poet laughed like a child.

In another minute they were gone, and Sweetlopek and Dryad emerged from their hiding spot. Dryad was grinning, clasping her hands together in joy.

“Well, would you look at that!” she exclaimed. “I know what I’m seeing. The same thing I saw in you, Sweetie, when we-”

But she stopped short, noticing the unhappy expression on her darling’s face. “Honey?” she said. “What’s wrong? Do you not want Woodrow to be happy?” 

When he didn’t answer, she started to become a bit upset herself, putting her hands on her hips. “Hey! Are you jealous for your friendship if he falls in love? That would be a bit rich, considering… you know.” She waved her paw back and forth between the two of them.

“It’s not that,” he said, leaning his axe against the tree. “Come on, dear. Ya know I want Woody to be happy, more than anything-”

“You just don’t like the Phantom, is that it? I can see why you wouldn’t, but… Woodrow does. That much is obvious.”

“Yer right, I don’t like ‘im,” said the lumberjack, continuing to grimace. “And it’s NOT just that he’s a celebrity fancyboy with an ego too big for this whole planet… although that don’t help. It’s just, I was afraid a’ this. That Woodrow would take to him, get caught up in his spell…”

“What’s so wrong with that, if he’s happy? I know you want to protect him, but you’ve got to let him make his own choices…”

“Listen, hun. You remember what I said a while back, about him datin’ Bea? You like Bea, right?”

“Of course. She loves nature as much as I do… she’s wonderful,” said Dryad. The warden of Terra Flora had visited Palette Prime more than once, and even spoken to the spirit of the forest, to learn some botanical secrets.

“Well, obviously she an’ Phantom ain’t together no more.”

Dryad shrugged sadly. “Sometimes things just don’t work out, I suppose...”

“Ya got that right. Look, no one’s quite sure what happened between ‘em. But everyone knows that HE broke up with HER. Straight up dumped her. By TEXT.”

The nature spirit blinked at her companion. “He… left her a message? Like a sign?”

“Text, like, on the phone,” said Sweetlopek. “...He sent her a message, yeah. Didn’t even call.”

“...O-oh,” said Dryad after a moment. “...That IS bad…”

“Yep,” grunted the lumberjack, picking up his axe again. “I wish it wasn’t the case, but this guy’s bad news. So yeah, I want Woodrow to be happy, but if Monsieur Phantom-” - he curled a corner of his own mustache mockingly -  “throws his heart away like he did with Bea…” He rubbed his hand along the handle of his axe. “Well. He hurts Woody and he’s gonna wish he never came to Palette Prime.”

“Listen, Sweets,” said Dryad, putting a hand on his shoulder. “How about this. Why don’t you invite them to dinner tonight, or tomorrow? You’ve barely had a chance to talk to the Phantom, and we’ve hardly seen Woodrow lately either. Hopefully it’ll lay some of your fears to rest.”

Sweetlopek made a face. He had mixed feelings, to say the least, about that fancy lad judging the home he had built for himself, and his cooking, and his choice of pet. But he had to admit his darling had a point. It was a good idea… he needed to observe how this guy treated his best friend, up close and personal.

—

That afternoon, the lumberjack, who had needed to make a grocery trip into town as it was, stood in front of the clouded house on Paletteville’s outskirts and rapped on its door. A few moments passed, and he sighed. He had expected nothing less. Of course he’d be out, with you-know-who. Sweetlopek would have to ask around and hunt them down elsewhere. But then, just as he was about to leave- a voice cried out from inside.

“Sweets! Just a moment!”

Sweetlopek waited, and after several more seconds, the door opened. Woodrow was inside, hatless, his coat half-buttoned, his bowtie not on yet.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” the woodsman asked.

“Oh, not at all. I was just washing up and getting ready for tonight,” he said with a smile. “But I looked out the window and saw it was you. Come in, won’t you?”

“Well- actually, I won’t be long,” said the lumberjack.

Woodrow stuck out his lip, pouting a bit. “But I’ve hardly seen you for days!”

And whose fault is that? the woodsman thought, but he didn’t say it. What he did say was: “Actually, that’s what I came to ask ya ‘bout. Uh, you seem to have plans fer tonight already, but maybe tomorrow… me an’ Dryad were thinkin’ you could have dinner with us? And… uh, you can invite yer- you can invite Mr. Phantom too.”

Woodrow smiled in delighted surprise. “No, tonight would be wonderful!” he said. “We were just going to eat at one of the local restaurants, but to break bread with friends would be far more splendid. I have so desperately wanted you and him and Dryad to get to know each other better, but… I didn’t want to impose.”

Sweetlopek smiled and put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Alright then, I better get going on my grocery run. How ‘bout I see you at seven, then?”

The warden clasped his hands joyfully. “Oh, my dear friend! How very kind of you! How my heart runneth over with joy-” then suddenly his ears perked up and his face grew serious. “Oh, but Sweets- you must do me a great favor.”

Sweetlopek’s eyebrows raised. “Anything, buddy.”

“Well…” said Woodrow, with a sheepish smile. “You… you mustn’t mention a word to Tom of my… affliction. And you must tell Dryad to do the same. You must both act as though I am just a normal poet, with writer’s block.”

Tom?! was Sweetlopek’s first thought. And his second, which he said out loud, was: “Wait- yer affliction? You mean yer luck? He doesn’t know?!”

Woodrow shook his head so quickly that his ears jiggled back and forth. “He does not,” he said, blushing. “I’ve… kept it from him, thus far. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, as they say.” Suddenly, his voice turned uncharacteristically defiant. “And why should I tell him? As long as I write not, as long as my poems lie dormant in my heart, why should it matter?”

The lumberjack crossed his arms, amazed that Woodrow had managed to spend every day with this guy and keep hidden the most important circumstance of his life. “Look, Woody, if you… uh… if you wanna be close with someone, ya can’t keep a secret like that forever.”

The warden sighed and looked down at his hands. “I know,” he said. “I know. I… I will tell him. But the time is not right. I… I wish to know he will still care about me, when I do.”

Sweetlopek frowned, dead serious, and touched his friend on the arm. “Ya got reason to doubt that he will?”

“Oh, no,” said Woodrow. “I just… you know.” He looked up at his friend with a sad smile. “I just worry. So many people have turned me away. Not you. And hopefully not him. But so many.”

“Well, y’know me an’ Dryad never will,” said the lumberjack to his best friend. “So… see you later, Woody.” He turned and trundled off towards the bridge.

—

Sweetlopek’s dining room seemed far too small for four people, especially when one of them was a larger-than-life ghost. Still, somehow, they were making it work; Dryad's pixie-like form was dwarfed by the three giant men around her. She was seated next to Sweetlopek, of course, and across from Woodrow; Sweets had subtly contrived to sit across from the Phantom. To try and keep an eye on him.

“Well, I hope yer likin’ the food well enough,” said the lumberjack as Phantom took another bite of the vegetable soufflé the woodsman had prepared. “It ain’t fine dining, but it keeps the belly full.”

The ghost took a gulp. “It’s honestly quite delicious. My compliments to the chef, Monsieur- no! Signor Sweetlopek. Alliteration is quite wonderful, no? Warden Woodrow, Signor Sweetlopek… Dame Dryad…”

Dryad smiled, charmed, while Sweetlopek tried not to roll his eyes. “Indeed, er… Fancy Phantom. Phancy with a PH.”

Phantom laughed uproariously, and Sweetlopek did not fail to notice an involuntary smile coming to Woodrow’s own face at the sound- even what seemed like a sigh of pleasure.

“Your friend is a funny one, Tristan,” said Phantom, elbowing Woodrow. “Pity we have not truly met sooner!”

Sweet tried not to spit his mouthful of mead out upon hearing Tristan. Instead he swallowed quickly and nodded.

The dinner continued, as the smell of the apple pie baking for dessert grew to increasingly fill the room. The lumberjack and the dryad noticed that their new guest was quick to talk about himself, and had an endless litany of anecdotes from onstage and backstage with which to regale them. Aside from being rather full of hot air (literally), Sweet had to admit he did not seem particularly objectionable. Although Woodrow seemed plenty content to sit back and listen, Phantom often turned to him and asked for his input, and said silly little things which seemed to be already-forming inside jokes between the two.

“So, Mr. Phantom,” said Dryad at one point. “How are you finding Palette Prime so far?”

“It is even more lovely than I could have hoped,” said Phantom. “Perhaps a certain nature spirit has a hand in that?”

“Oh, shush,” said Dryad.

“And its people seem quite healthy and happy,” added Phantom. “Perhaps for that I can thank its warden.”

Woodrow giggled. Sweetlopek decided he might as well not drink any more tonight, because he kept almost spitting it out.

“I’m glad yer enjoyin’ it here,” said the lumberjack after a swallow. “How long do you plan to stay?”

Phantom was quiet for a moment. “Well, it was recommended that I stay for a month, and see if my voice has improved at all. Unless for some reason it gets worse. After that, if there’s no change… I suppose perhaps I should try elsewhere, or go back to seeking other treatments.”

During this statement, Sweetlopek discreetly looked at his friend. Woodrow was sadly poking at his food, his ears flopping. It was easy enough to tell that he was distraught at the idea of that month being over.

“Uh, well-” said Sweetlopek, hardly believing what he was about to say, “If ya DO like it here, and it seems to help yer voice, yer always welcome to stay. I know we’re not the most excitin’ planet, but it’s a good place to be. I’m not quite sure where you call home now, but…”

“I more or less reside in Spooky Trails, in the Mushroom Kingdom,” he answered, “where I was born. Although I am something of a nomad these days.”

“You were born in the Mushroom Kingdom? I thought all the Rabbids that live there now were from a dif’rent dimension.”

“Yes, I was born there,” said Phantom quietly. “Whatever Rabbid existed before I met Spawny was not me.”

“I see,” said Sweetlopek, a bit awkwardly. “Er- I think the pie’ll be ready. Lemme go check.”

A few minutes later, each of them had a hot slice of pie before them, topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. It was quite wonderful, and each of them hardly felt like talking in between devouring the dessert. Phantom was the first to finish, and sat back, looking delighted.

“A fabulous meal,” he said happily. “Dear Woodrow has an excellent choice in companions. You two have been friends since childhood, he tells me?”

“Yup,” said the lumberjack, who was distracted by his last few bites of pie. “I’ve been lookin’ out for him since we were kids.”

“Oh?” said Phantom. “Anything in particular you’ve had to look out for?”

“Well, y’know,” said Sweetlopek, still in a rapture of ice cream and pie, “Sometimes I’ve caught things right outta the sky before they could fall on his head. I used to be a lot taller than him, y’know, so that made it easy. What with his poems, I try to be there to-” suddenly he froze, and not with a brainfreeze. He looked up in horror at Woodrow, who was staring at him mortified.

“Things falling out of the sky?” Phantom asked, leaning forward in curiosity.

“Ah- yeah! Nuts ‘n stuff. An’ like, squirrels that jump outta the trees! Since we spent so much time in the woods as boys! And I was way taller’n him, before he went through his- through his growth spurt.”

“I see, I see,” said Phantom, settling back again. “And you were saying, about his poems?”

“Oh, just that I always try to be there to listen to ‘em,” said the lumberjack with a grin he hoped was convincing. “I like bein’ the first person to hear ‘em, if I can! It’s always an honor.”

“Indeed,” said the ghost. “It’s an honor I hope to share sometime- if that’s alright with you, of course. When our mutual friend’s inspiration returns, that is!” He turned to Woodrow and gave him a little pat on the hand. The warden’s ears were stiff and straight up, and it looked like he was slightly hyperventilating, but at the touch, he calmed down a bit.

Soon they had all finished their food, and Sweetlopek offered to start cleaning up, embarrassed by how close he had come to betraying his friend’s trust. The other three moved to the living room, where they chatted by the fireplace and played with Chipper the beaver.

When Sweets had finished in the kitchen, he rejoined the others. It was getting late, and the guests got ready to leave. Woodrow stood up, put on his hat, which was hanging by the door, and grabbed his umbrella. 

“It was most wonderful to get to know the two of you better,” said Phantom, with a grandiose bow. “Of course, I already cherished you, as the most beloved friends of my own bosom friend. And now I can say that you certainly merit the sentiment.”

“Nice to meet you too,” said Sweetlopek, feeling no discrepancy between his blunt words and the Phantom’s flowery phrases. He had been speaking to Woodrow for most of his life, after all. “Feel free to drop in anytime.”

“I hope to see you around the Spellbound Woods, too!” Dryad said cheerily.

Woodrow smiled at his two dear friends. “Thank you for having us,” he said. His gaze lingered on Sweetlopek for a second, and he smiled, as if to assure him that his near-mistake earlier was forgiven. “I am… most fortunate to have you in my life. Most lucky indeed.”

“Farewell, Dame Dryad and Signor Sweetlopek!” said Phantom, and as they turned to leave the house, he extended his arm. Woodrow looked at it, for a moment at a loss, and then suddenly hooked his own arm through it. And then off they went.

When they had gone some ways down the path, and Sweetlopek had closed the door, Dryad looked at him. “They’re not… together yet, are they?”

Sweetlopek shrugged. “Don’t think so. I think the Phantom is just like that.”

“Well,” said Dryad with a smile, crossing her arms and bumping the lumberjack with her shoulder. “See? He was positively charming, wasn’t he? And so kind with Woodrow. Nothing to worry about.”

“For now,” said Sweetlopek.

“Come on, love. You still aren’t convinced?”

“I just want to keep an eye on ‘em, is all,” said the lumberjack. “He IS happy. And I can only hope he stays that way.” He shook his head, and sat down in his armchair by the fire. “But… this whole thing where he won’t write poems. I’m amazed he’s kept it up for almost a week. I dunno how long he can last.”

“Yeah…” Dryad said in concern, drifting over and sitting next to him in the chair. “Poetry is how he expresses himself, like you with your carving. And there are things he’s going to need to express to Phantom, that much is obvious.”

“Exactly,” said Sweetlopek. “Let’s both just watch out for him, alright?”

“We always do,” said Dryad. Sweetlopek smiled, and held her close. She was so kind, and good, and had come to care about his friend as much as he did. He relaxed by the fire, with his darling at his side, and his pet beaver jumped up into his lap to join them. The lumberjack let himself stop worrying about his friend, for the rest of the night. Maybe Woodrow was loved, not just by the two of them, but by someone else as well. Maybe things would be alright after all…

[just-some-guy-at-shiz]

When I read the novel for the first time, I was surprised that Boq and Nessa didn’t have a thing to do with each other. Fortunate for him, of course, but unexpected.

I sort of felt as though it was a missed opportunity. Mostly I agreed with the decisions made in both versions as necessary to their respective narratives. But I was bit let down that Glinda wasn’t a larger presence in the original, and I was let down that the tin man and scarecrow have absolutely no connections to Elphaba. That they’re as random as one would assume initially. We spend a good deal of time in Boq’s mind at Shiz, but then he suddenly leaves the narrative, only to return briefly, as a coincidence that could have been anyone. Glinda is quite similar. I felt like something was lost. But I know this has some intentional meaning.

The foreshadowing in the musical almost implies destiny. The way that every character appearance, every interaction, drives the plot and leads to their eventual fates. This is the way of musicals. The novel, despite Yackle’s talk early on, discards the notion of any sort of predetermination. So much happenstance. So many occurrences that just happen and then have no influence whatsoever later on. More like real life, I suppose. Not everything and everyone has some huge meaning. Sometimes things happen just to happen. Sometimes you forge bonds with people close to you and think you’ll always be connected, and then you don’t see each other, and if you ever meet again, you’re essentially strangers. You don’t have any connection, save a knowledge that you used to, and a sort of guilty obligation to revive it despite the lack of the friendship to do so in any way that matters. Just like Boq first telling Elphaba how they knew each other when they were kids. That’s the only foreshadowing in this book, hinting at the way all of these friends will be to each other with time. Sure, we may have known each other. What does it matter now? What does it matter now? What does it even mean anymore?

I wish Boq had stayed a character character in the way he was in the chapters at Shiz. Even if it does mean a tragic metallic fate for the poor guy. But I suppose with the kind of themes the novel has, he had to go on and have an unrelated life. People like Boq and Avaric, with their respective futures, are symbols of… something. Different views on evil, I suppose. Two different sides of the same coin when it comes to indifference. Boq’s indifference on the state of the world at large as long as those close to him are safe. Avaric’s indifference to morality as long as he’s entertained. Avaric’s an a-hole and he claims it proudly, but are we supposed to see Boq’s life too as evil by inaction?

Honestly, I’m happy for him. He seems to have gotten a really good ending compared to his counterpart, and escaped the unhappiness or tragedy of nearly all of his peers (moment of silence for poor Tibbett please). He’s got a family, a nice domestic life. It seems okay to me. He’s not a hero, but is it really evil not to be actively trying to do big things to make a difference? Not everyone can be a revolutionary… but is this simply my lazy, cowardly excuse-making? My projecting?

Elphaba seems to look down on him, the twice they interact in later years. She seems to look down on the fact that he’s content with his life even when the world is still f—ed up.

Is he wrong? What is he in this story?

At Shiz, he wasn’t all that morally lofty. I cite his rooftop escapade, even before he’s pressured into the philosophy club. On the whole though, he’s not a bad person, and he even helps with the whole library books thing. He makes a difference—when doing so is convenient, of course, and (far as I remember) low risk for him, and gives him something exciting to share with his friends. But better than no action at all? He had good intentions, and a better conscience than a lot of people in that friend group. He just didn’t do much with that conscience. He did a few unusually good things. He did a few rather questionable things too, honestly, and didn’t always need peer pressure for it. In his adult life, he cares about Elphaba’s causes, but takes no direct action, only passive following.

Once again he’s the Everyman. Normal life, normal future. Not a hero or a villain or even some lesser position like whatever office Avaric holds (I don’t remember). Just another average anonymous citizen. His college years the most exciting years of his life. Not remembered by history, just by those who knew him. But happy, I think.

Making a difference in the world has a price, and he chose not to pay it. It’s as simple as that.

Does this make him evil? Tell me, tell me, tell me, does this make him evil too? I need to know.

[sarcastic-salem]

Literally trying to talk my cats out of a territory war — yes, really.

See, I’ve always been of the mind that cats and a lot of other types of animals are just as smart as humans. To a degree. Like there have been videos of people teaching cats how to tell time, cats will literally jump through hoops if you train them to, and there are times when I swear my cats speak perfect English. This is partially because I’ve done some research on reading cats’ body language. I’ve read books on the subject and have watched several documentaries.

If you want a layman’s introduction, I highly recommend looking up Jackson Galaxy on Youtube or watching his Animal Planet show My Cat From Hell. Jackson is a professional cat behavioralist and helps people figure out why a cat is unhappy and/or misbehaving. Heads up, though, his line of cat toys is complete garbage.

But like example—

Me: Tesla, you have to let me brush your fur.

Tesla: How about nah😶

Me: Tesla. You need your fur brushed.

Tesla: *Hisses and walks away*

Tesla is the newest member of our little family. She is an orange-and-white floof. Or if you want the more specific name, a flame-point ragdoll sausage cat. A sausage cat — also called munchkins — are built short and long with stubby legs and big paws. The name comes from their resemblance of dachshunds — AKA weiner dogs. But, personally, I feel Tesla bares more a resemblance to a corgi. I use the term sausage cat, a nickname for munchkins, because I think it sounds cuter than munchkin.

You can find a picture of Tesla and her sister in my bio.

But my older cat, Shuri, is kinda timid and Tesla has decided to take advantage of that, so that she can take over the living room and the kitchen. Cats can be extremely territorial if they don’t immediately love each other. Tesla and Shuri get along, but Shuri can get irritated because she doesn’t always want to play when her sister does. And they’re both lap cats and I’m just one dude. So that’s not helpful.

Basically, I’m sitting here trying to explain to baby Tesla that the living room and kitchen are shared spaces and she cannot banish her sister to the bedroom. And Tesla’s got her ears pushed back — this is a sign of unhappiness in cats — and her eyes are all big cause she knows I’m disappointed. And I can just see her going, “But Daddy….”

When you reprimand a cat it is EXTREMELY important to pet and kiss them afterwards in order to re-establish a sense of trust and safety. It lets them know that even though you were upset they are still safe in your presence and will help you maintain a happy, loving relationship with your cat.

And I want to make it clear that I am not angry at Tesla. But when Shuri is afraid to sit on the couch or eat in the kitchen that is an issue.

Now, if you don’t mind I’m gonna go play their anti-anxiety playlist and pray to Loki that these two chill the fuck out.

[xruiningth3sh0wx]

Look at them. Smiles adorning their beautiful faces. Carefree, overtaken by whimsical passion. Taken into the depths of the joyous daze, drunk with that greatest of intoxicants. Possibly the only kind worth succumbing to. Without it, what is there to live for? What is there to die for? It is the only measure of worth. And they have found much worth in each other.  As a result, they are free. In the absence of caution, freedom takes root. To disregard means to disobey danger itself. Tell me; who is more free than they?

 

The kisses and hugs they share, the pleasure felt in each other’s presences, the reverent glances, the need to be close, the nights shared in bed, it is as truthful as anything else that holds up under the hammer taken to the rest of our world in ruins.

 

Yet, unfortunately, truthfulness and reality are hated. Fantasy and deceit is the order of our day, always.

 

A love more pure, more genuine, more free, unshackled from expectation, base necessity, or the pressures of hateful, irredeemable monoliths. No “why” or “because” needed to be dictated. It just “was”. It just “is”. And as we all know, the more you build atop a “why”, trying to reinforce it, the more ridiculous it seems. Only what’s natural, what’s without explanation, is real. Again, to disregard, is to disobey danger. All odds seemed stacked against them. Why? I wish I knew. Such harmless folks they are, I’ve often found.

 

Then again, most of the villains concocted are less disagreeable than we’d like to think. Satan is powerfully sensual, but what he says has truth woven into it, and you want to sympathize to some degree. Plus, who doesn’t love an underdog, a rebel against a conformist, humorless many?

 

In addition, love is the eternal enemy of the slobbering brute depicted in a centuries-old tome written by Locke and Rousseau’s equally ignorant, wicked counterpart.

 

Love is the desired meal of its fuming mouth, meant to be churned up in the pit that is its gullet of hate.

 

Foul curses are howled at them by sniveling vultures, for a multitude of reasons. “What of the making of children?” And I reply: “we don’t need any more of them; brats are overrated, anyhow”. Another common one: “God commands it not to be so!” Oh, yes, God. The father of an Israeli communist agitator? The Romans were right to stamp out their madhouses and unholy gatherings, and to mount their beloved upon a pair of connected tree trunks. I’m more angry they didn’t go far enough. “It’s not natural!” Hmm, but your mechanistic device you constructed yourselves to oppress and subjugate thy own, is? This miserable beast that loathes all, ends all, in effort to resentfully become all? “I’m unhappy, so why should they be?” Pity your contractual binding failed you, leaving you with heartache and hurt. Nevertheless, that was your choice. I’m not sorry for you, not in the least.

 

Sometimes, they are even punished. Brutalized. Savagely tortured, lynched, beaten, sexually defiled, imprisoned, and everything else you can think of.

 

Beware, fellow travelers along the lonely road of perpetual heresy, of those who feel an urgent need to discipline. Fear them like the English fear dentists.

 

All of this outrage, all of this hullabaloo, a great, grand humbug is made, because they are in possession of the same, er…equipment. They chose one half of the biological pair that make existence possible. It just so happened to be the same half that is the same as themselves. Or maybe, they felt uncomfortable in their skin. Sought a change, wishing to switch to the other side, or perhaps no side at all. Eager to explore the grey, forbidden, strange areas between. That is all. That is their enormous crime. How something so innocuous causes an uproar, I am befuddled. Democracy requires ever-increasing homogeneity, and the complacent majority loves to terrorize and tyrannize against the adventurous minority

 

I say, to these iconoclasts, you have my everlasting support. Even if I cannot feel the same passions you, or your detractors, for that matter do, I salute you nonetheless. Do not be tempted by the sweet words of the masquerading pricks. Never give in. Never lose that fire, the one of revolt. A great revolt. Stand proud, stand erect. Be bold and brash. Cave in? Capitulate? No, never! Carry on, wayward sons, daughters, and everything else in between. And never strive for peace. Wage your war, always.