#i don’t remember why i made this one LOL i found it in the drafts

[ahhrenata]

| hisses angrily |

[miviaceleste]

A Blackrock Story: A Boy with Turquoise Eyes

Happy 12th Anniversary to Blackrock Chronicle!

This comic ended up being 47 pages long (when I first sketched it, it was only 20 pages long). Since I can only upload 30 images in a post, I had to combine 2 pages into 1 image so hopefully it's still visually fine and not annoying to scroll through!

I wrote this mini-story more than 10 years ago, so I figured it was time to finally make it into a comic (after editing the writing a lot because I became a much better writer since lol).

Be aware of the TWs, and I hope you enjoy this comic!

TW: Violence || Blood || Injuries/Scars/Burn Marks || Kidnapping || (Temporary) Death || Loss of Limb / Amputation

Thank you all for reading one of my most insane projects ever!

Now, here’s another long story:

About 8 years ago, my life became so busy that to stay on top of my studies and activities, I stopped watching a lot of YouTubers, including the Yogscast.

I’ve grown up throughout the years. I had to stop acting like a kid to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I’m still an artist today, but I haven’t drawn in this way for about 3 years to pursue my real passion. I love to draw, but I didn’t have the time or inspiration to make something grand.

About 3 months ago, I suddenly got curious about how all those YouTubers I stopped watching were doing, so I checked out their channels and watched a video or two before moving on. When I got to the Yogscast channel, on the other hand, I quickly fell in love with the new content and with everyone again.

It was insane to see how immediately my love for them came back. In 3 months, I’ve watched so many videos and streams/VODs. It’s all so comforting, funny, and uplifting. Clearly, I missed so much content in the past 8 years, but at least I don’t have to worry about running out of things to watch for a while.

What made me most happy was that despite changing a lot, I never stopped being that kid who laughed at the Yogscast’s shenanigans. It just goes to show that no matter how much the world tries to push you around, you never lose that sense of joy you had as a child.

Now, about Rythian:

Since I started watching the Yogscast in 2011, Rythian has always been my favorite. I loved his series so much, especially with how he got into character to give us an immersive experience. It was an escape for me as a kid. When difficult moments were thrown at me, I watched Rythian’s series to find a sense of comfort.

So when I started watching his and Zoey’s Blackrock series, my mind was blown. The storytelling, acting, humor, and drama of the series were so immersive and touching that my creativity exploded.

I mainly use art to express myself and my interests because I struggle to talk about it. But funny enough, Blackrock was the only interest of mine that got me to not draw, but to write. I wrote a lot of short stories about the series—even how I envisioned the series would end. I was so inspired to create all the time from this series.

And what’s crazy is that at the beginning of this summer, I found all of those written drafts and notes from when I was a kid. I kept them all for 10+ years and found a very loose (and not that good) draft of this comic and I felt really inspired to finish it.

It was roughly when I was first watching Blackrock too when I realized that I can be creative in the future. The Yogscast helped me understand that I can do whatever I want for the rest of my life. If they could do it, then why can’t I?

What’s also wonderful is that even after so many years, Rythian never stopped being my favorite. When I started watching the main channel again a few months ago, I immediately found myself rooting for him whenever he was in the group videos. I just remembered how much happiness he brought me when I was younger and it makes me so happy that I still get so much joy whenever I hear his voice.

While working on this comic, I watched all of Kirbycraft and caught up on Kirby Farm. I can’t help but smile the whole time Rythian, Briony, and Kirsty interact with one another. The dynamic of these three brings me so much laughter and comfort. A part of me is upset that I didn’t get back to watching everyone when Kirbycraft was still live, but better late than never, right?

I also originally started this comic without the intention of posting it. But then I figured, Hey, it’d be great to share it with everyone who’s also been impacted by this series and the Yogscast in general, so I made this blog to post it here. Honestly, I’m not sure when the next time I’ll be able to draw is (who knew building a career takes away a lot of your energy and time?). But I think that’s what’s so wonderful about my love for Yogscast and particularly Blackrock: I didn’t make this comic for the likes or views. It was just because I wanted to, and I’m so happy to see there are so many people on here who feel the same love for them as I do.

This series and the people who made it, along with the people who supported it and loved it and continued to love it, impacted me for the better. I learned so many years ago that I can be creative for a living, and have been working hard towards doing that since.

Happy 12th Anniversary to the Blackrock Chronicle. To Rythian and Zoey who put a smile on this kid’s face even during the toughest of times.

And to the Yogscast, thank you for being there for me when I needed you all the most and for still being here when I came back. Your ability to inspire me and make me laugh never disappeared throughout the years I was gone, and I���m ready to laugh some more.

[arlertdarling]

tldr: i’m cancelling my follower event and moving blogs to @junovie. i’m officially back from my ‘break’ but i can’t promise i’ll be frequently active (at least not as much as i used to be), much less that i’ll be writing/posting new works regularly.

i look forward to catching up with you all !! thank you for your support and understanding <3

full original post under the cut

hello!

you may or may not have noticed that i’ve been quite inactive for the last few months or so.

i’m sorry to everyone who has reached out to me in that time — i’m not ignoring you, i’ve just been logged out of this account and staying away from tumblr in general. i plan on getting back to you all privately and individually, but if you could read this post, just so you have an idea of what’s going on, i would really appreciate it! :)

anyway, i have two announcements to make regarding my blog — not bad, but definitely important changes! i’ve been meaning to make them for a while, but only just found the time and courage to go through with them.

there’s also a more in-depth (albeit rambly) explanation to why and where i’ve been gone after the announcements. it’s a little long, so there’s no pressure to read it all if you don’t want to.

my first announcement is that i’m cancelling my 100+ follower event.

...but you probably all saw that one coming lol

i absolutely intended to complete all the requests regardless of how long it took, but it’s been over 7 months now and i no longer see myself ever getting around to them at this point. i feel awful about it, especially because i was so excited about the event and milestone itself, but i just don’t have the motivation to write the rest anymore.

to be transparent, the main thing that affected and eventually halted my work flow entirely is this weird subconscious self-disciplinary rule i had where i was ‘not allowed’ to write anything until i’d finished my old projects. this isn’t an actual rule obviously, but it prevented me from writing new ideas or enjoying writing on this blog/for tumblr as a whole for months. every time i got inspired to write something, i’d remember that i have these obligatory requests to complete first, that it would be selfish and unfair to ‘ignore’ or not prioritise them, that people will be mad at me for not doing so etc, etc.

i’ve luckily stopped thinking this way now, but that’s why i’ve made this decision. i should write for myself and my enjoyment, first and foremost. it shouldn’t be an obligation. it’s not a commission or contractual assignment, it’s a silly online milestone event that i made and can just as easily discontinue should i want to — so that’s what i’ve chosen to do.

thank you to everyone who participated and/or supported the event, it means a lot to me still, and i’m sorry to those whose requests i didn’t manage to write. even with how much time has passed, i still feel shame and embarrassment about how this all turned out, so your acceptance and understanding would be really appreciated.

my next announcement is that i’m moving blogs.

i’m moving to a new account where i have an interaction/personal main blog (@junovie) and my current nsfw writing sideblog. i might make a new sfw one for my other writing shenanigans, but i haven’t made up my mind about that one yet.

it’s nothing serious, i mostly just want a fresh start. this blog has gotten disorganised and messy, and while some people don’t mind or even like it that way, personally i need structure and organisation in order to stay sane, so my plan is to move to a new blog. as for this blog — i might delete it permanently in the future, but for now, i just intend to archive it.

with the announcements out of the way, i just have a few more things i want to talk about.

i’m currently writing this part of the post in march of 2024, but i’ve been considering these changes since around december of 2023, and started drafting this post in january.

in that time, i’ve been mostly logged out of this account (aside from when i would come to add to this post) and keeping tumblr at arm’s length in general for... no reason in particular really? i know many people have had at least one bad experience or two during their time on tumblr, which may have led to them needing a break, but i’ve honestly been lucky enough to never have encountered anything severe personally.

for the most part, i’ve just been focused on my education. i’m at a stage in my life where i have important decisions to be making, paths and passions i want to be pursuing, responsibilities i need to be taking care of... and in comparison, my time for writing on tumblr has dwindled.

on the other hand, this ‘break’ of sorts, away from tumblr, has helped me realise just how much of my time i had been spending on what is really just another silly little social media app on my silly little phone. that’s not to say the people i’ve met and the feelings i’ve experienced aren’t good, valuable or a part of my life, or that the support i’ve received and joy i’ve shared don’t have worth in the bigger picture, because they are, they do, and i’m grateful for them all!! but in retrospect, there were, and are, more important things in my life that require my time, energy and attention [over writing] and that i should have been prioritising sooner. that’s on me for getting essentially addicted and becoming neglectful, and that’s why i needed to step back like i have.

in some ways, i feel a little guilty, because i feel like, i don’t know... like my sudden ‘hiatus’ should have been as a result of some big, crazy life event, or depression or something. and it kind of was [the latter], at the start, but the truth is it’s the opposite now? like, i’ve just been happier these days... but i don’t think it has anything to do with my break from tumblr, at least not in the sense that it makes me unhappy, or the absence of it improves my mental health or whatever. just in the sense that the time i would have spent scrolling or writing, i’ve now been spending doing other hobbies that make me happy, making connections with real life people, reflecting on and learning to love life and myself. i’m far from being where i want to be and i’m definitely still figuring things out, but i feel like i’m better at dividing my time now, and more capable of being on tumblr without it consuming my life force and every waking thought.

so, i’m going to come back, but i’m making no promises that i’ll be frequently active (at least not as much as i used to be), much less that i’ll be writing/posting new works regularly, especially not requests. i’m here just to have fun, be silly, bond with people over stories and fictional characters — and whatever else i may want in the future — but i never want it to feel like a chore or burden again.

even though i feel bad for basically ghosting everyone in my inbox and being inexplicably MIA for like, 3 months, i don’t regret taking this break. i just hope everyone will understand and respect my decisions and the changes to come.

friends/mutuals are welcome to message me if you’re curious about details or concerned or whatever else, but i’ve probably said enough here to answer any questions lol. i look forward to coming back and catching up with you all.

see you guys soon <3

[augustghosts]

Candles

Tommy Miller x f!reader

I don’t even know what this is tbh. This has been in my drafts forever and I haven’t posted in a month so… have this. I debated posting this as it kinda felt like me just rambling about Tommy lmao, but I think some people might like it! I didn’t know how to end this either lmao, I honestly could have kept going and added smut but i held back hehe. Also, this is a rare non nsfw fic from me lmao. <3

Word count- 2k

Warnings - mention of sexy times because like post sexy times. Like mild angst? But like in a hurt/comfort way? but that's about it! Not as many warnings as my usual fics lol. Not proofread as always because I’m still lazy.

Tommy likes her best like this. He likes her all the time, of course. But this was always something special. Dusk, when the apartment was warm. When the bed was warm - whispers against hot skin. Sleep lingering, bodies pressed together like they belonged there. Tommy felt that for the first time in forever, he had a place to come home too. A place he wanted to come home too. When there were no barriers between them. When all he had to do was pull her a little closer and she knew exactly what he wanted. The way she would open up for him so easily, so trustful. It made his aching heart feel full.

He remembers the first time they did this, the first time he had taken her on this dirty mattress. The first time he’d watched her get up and enter the bathroom, back then - he had held back on telling her how beautiful she looked. But now, it's almost like she could sense the words on the tip of his tongue as she turns to smirk at him as she opens the door. She waits in the doorway, letting his eyes skim over her naked body. She can’t deny that she loved Tommy’s attention. He was always so doting, so loving. Nothing like she’d ever had before. It was a strange thought, she’d found the kindest love she’d always dreamed of in one of the roughest places she’d ever been. Life in the QZ was not as kind as Tommy was, his soft touch was a welcome break from her newfound life.

At first it had been a classic case - I think you’re hot, you think I’m hot, no strings attached. But when do those ever work out? Especially with men like Tommy. Men with gorgeous skin and big brown eyes and soft curls to work your fingers through when he was between your legs. Thinking back, she’s not sure why she ever thought she could let him go.

“Do you have something to say?” She teased. Still standing in the doorway with a grin on her face - the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. She thought the same, she always thought he was beautiful. But especially like this, he was lying down with his arm propped up behind his head, thin sheets draped over his waist - the awful orange light from the makeshift QZ street lights streamed in the window, but somehow, he managed to make it look beautiful. The light making him look like a fucking angel.

“No.” He replied, leaning over to reach for the pack of cigarettes on the bedside table. His gorgeous smirk still lingering on his lips as he placed it between them. She rolls her eyes and slips into the bathroom, the door shutting behind her. Tommy still can’t seem to wipe his giddy grin off his face. Honestly, he’s past the point of telling himself to grow up and be cool. He lost that around her ages ago. She had seen the cool, sauve Tommy facade that he had put on when they first met, and she had seen him as himself - she had seen him for who he is. And she loved both. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve it, but he sure as hell made sure he was making the most of it before she left him. Leaving him was inevitable, he thought. Just like everyone else.

“Shouldn’t you be leaving?” Her angelic voice grasps the evil one in his head by the hair and yanks it completely out of his mind, she always had a way of doing that.

“Why?” He asks, his cigarette now lit, smoke dancing between his lips as he speaks. She hated to admit that she found it hot. “You tryin’ to get rid of me?”

“No,” She giggles. She joined him on the bed, resting on her knees beside him. His hand instinctively goes to rest on her thigh, stroking her warm skin. Although,much to his disappointment, she had slipped on a shirt now. She took the cigarette from his fingers and placed it into her own mouth before she spoke. “I just don’t wanna face the wrath of your brother. You’ve been gone for a while now.”

“He probably knows where to find me.” Tommy said softly, looking up at her as his thumb continued to move slowly back and forth on her inner thigh. Joel knew about the girl across the hall, and he knew how much time Tommy spent with her. If he was really that interested he could come break down the door and see for himself.

She hums, in agreement or quizzically, he’s not sure. She passes the cigarette back to him and gets up again, leaving him in darkness. But as quickly as she left, she returns again with a candle in hand. She lights it, their dim corner of the room now full of beautiful flickering yellow light. Tommy spends so much time with her because when they are together, she brings some light and hope to him. Just like her damn candles. Hope and light he’s not sure he deserves. It’s addicting, being around someone like her. Someone who makes that darkness in his mind disappear.

He knows he can’t have her forever. Although he hopes too. The thought of losing the light that she brings scares the shit out of him. But for now, he pulls her down beside him, they talk for a bit and he holds her until she falls asleep. He doesn’t sleep much, but he doesn’t mind. He waits until the candle she had lit burns out, and eventually he drifts off too.

~

Tommy winces as his bruised fist pounds against the door, his knuckles still throbbing a little. Adrenaline is still running through his veins. He should have gone to Joel. But honestly, he has nothing to say to Joel. Joel always has something to say. He knows that he can always show up at her door, even if he has nothing to say. His world felt pretty fucking dark right now, so what else was he supposed to do?

He hears the locks jingle on the other side of the door, it cracks open slightly, the chain lock at the top still in action and stopping it from opening all the way. He sees her peek through, calmness immediately flooding through him. It’s already dark outside so she probably hadn’t expected him tonight. He looks sheepish as he mumbles a small “Hi, baby.” through the small gap.

She undoes the chain, opening the door all the way. She looks confused, about to ask him what was wrong before her eyes flicker down to his bloodied knuckles. The concern immediately falls from her face, a more stern look taking its place.

“Can I come in?” He asks, his voice is small, like a child who's been told off.

“As long as no one’s gonna follow you.” She said, glancing out into the hallway.

“No one is following me.” He confirms.

“Alright.” She steps out of the way to let him walk in, glancing down the hallway one last time before shutting the door and putting all the locks back in place. Tommy knows she worries, she knows the kind of people he and Joel mix with. Living here was tough, she tries to keep to herself and protect her own peace. She also knew that bringing Tommy into her life put that at risk. And he knew it too.

“Are you okay?“ She asks. He walks over to her small table and drops down into the seat, breathing in deeply.

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

She nods. He doesn’t really know what else to say - he doesn’t need to. He knows she won't ask what happened, she doesn’t want to know. If he wanted to talk, she would listen. But she prefers not to hear about what he gets up too when he isn’t with her. She doesn’t like knowing how he makes his money, how he gets all his cards. She likes to keep their little love bubble clean from his other life.

He watches her as she fills up a bowl of water and roots through a drawer. She comes back over to the table with the bowl and an old first aid kit.

“Give me your hand.” She says, dragging a chair over to sit in front of him. Their knees touching, he wants to reach for her and hug her tightly. But he waits, he lets her lead. He does as she says, placing his hand into hers. She dips a rag into the cold water and presses it to his knuckles, he watches her face as she cleans up his hand. He can tell she is disappointed and it makes him so fucking sad.

When she’s finished, she stands up and says. “Are you hungry? I’ll make you something.”

He shakes his head, he’s still staring at her silently.

“Are you sure? Because I can-“ She stops abruptly when he surges forward and wraps his arms around her waist - he buries his face into her stomach, trying to hide the tears burning the corner of his eyes. He didn’t know why he was crying, she just brought this out in him. The light she brings into him makes him vulnerable, but he didn’t mind. He adored her, he’d cry in front of her every single day if it meant that he got to see her. She sighs, but not in an angry or disappointed way, in the most loving way he’d ever heard - it makes more tears fall from his eyes.

“Oh, Tommy.” She murmurs into his hair, one of her arms wraps around his shoulder, the other digs into his hair. “What is it?” She asks softly.

He takes a few more seconds, holding her tightly. Then he pulls away, his hand staying in place on her waist. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head, “I don’t fucking know. I’m fine, honestly.” He laughs.

She laughs with him, her hands coming up to cradle his face, her thumbs wipe under his eyes.

“You wanna know something?” He asks.

“Sure.” She answers. The soft look of love in her eyes has given him a sudden confidence.

“I, uh, I think I love you.” He breathes out. She takes a few seconds to respond, it makes in fucking nervous.

“You think?” She responds. The smile on her face tells him she's joking, much to his relief.

“No, I do.” He confirms. “I do love you.” He feels like he's confirming it with himself too. His hands are still tightly gripping her waist, an attempt to ground himself.

“You know what?” She smiles. He nods eagerly, urging her to continue. His big brown eyes looked up at her intently. “I think I love you too, Tommy.”

He stands suddenly and kisses her. Kisses her more passionately than he ever has, her hands grip the front of his denim jacket and she laughs against his mouth, breaking the kiss - but he doesn’t mind. Because as usual, the ghosts that floated around inside his head were quiet - her light brightening his mind until all he saw was her. He smiled to himself as he watched her light the candle that sat beside her bed, beckoning him over to the small corner of the room that he liked to call home.

[brybryby]

VERY LONG POST IM SORRY. DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO READ

HI. Alrighty, this has been on my mind for a while (ever since promotional content for Trials started being released).

I have a TON of analyses in the drafts, but I want to make this post before I release them for public viewing.

I know that I like to make goofy, light-hearted little fan animations and fan art of Outlast, but I think I need to start changing how I navigate through the content. After spending so much of my time deep diving and writing up these analyses, my eyes have been opened to just how much the franchise revolves around fucked up historical events. I feel that some of the stuff I've posted is tone deaf, or at least the way I posted about it is. And I think—for the most part—there's an understanding that I don't intend to be harmful, but I fear that the way I go about it **is**. (And obviously, action takes precedence over intent.)

For contextualization, when I initially got into Outlast at the age of 12, I was enthralled by the horror aesthetics and found a lot of the angsty gore to be cathartic. I felt so “taboo” and “scandalous” lol (especially as a developing child trying to understand myself amidst my puberty stage). I was young and—for lack of a better word—braindead in how I navigated the media. I was naive, mindless, ignorant, etc etc… Now that I have a deeper understanding of the narratives and historical implications/influences, I need to do better in how I interact with the franchise.

What am I getting at?

Pretty much, I'm working on being more careful with how I interact with the media. At the same time, I want the analyses that I post to be educational. And most importantly, please message me if I ever say some bullshit. Seriously. All I ever want to do with my life is to be a positive impact. I genuinely get upset if I cause harm to someone else. (One time I literally cried at a high school football game as a freshman because I thought I hurt someone else's feelings. It turned out they were faking it lmao. Then they started feeling bad and then that made me feel bad for crying and yea yea).

Seriously though. I know that my posts can get public outreach, and anything that has public outreach can be influential and have a good or bad impact. So please let me know if I do or say anything harmful or ignorant. I won't be offended. I don’t want to spread harmful stuff. There are many instances in my life where people sit me down to have meaningful conversations about shit I've said or done and how I can improve myself.

That said, I'll be posting more analyses and making my own syntheses of historical events. My next analysis post will be about Waylon's Asian-coding (specifically Korean-coding), how Trials actually supports this (using themes of US immigration), and why it is apparent to many Asian fans (including me, hehe).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's pretty much it. But if you wanna stick around a bit further, I'll tell you my (excruciatingly long) story about how I got into Outlast :) along with how much it has invaded my brain and life :') and maybe get a little ~personal~ hehe

STORYTIME:

So, the game came out in 2013. Nearly 10 years ago. I was 12 at the time of its release. Let me tell you…this game was a HUGE impact in the horror community. HOLY. SHIT. It changed the way I looked at lockers and beds. I remember it being critically acclaimed (and rightfully so). It may have not been the most technical video game, but it certainly was a piece of art.

I remember commercials being shown everywhere. The trailer of beta Miles Upshur running and parkouring through Mount Massive while being chased by the tiny beta model of Chris Walker will forever be canonized as part my childhood. I remember specifically heading to the bathroom from my living room and my dad interrupting me to say “Hey! Check this out!” and then proceeding to play the trailer for my 12-year-old eyes. I was scared shitless.

Couple weeks later, Conan O'Brien featured Outlast in one of his segments of “Clueless Gamer” (yeah, my family and I used to watch Conan lol). I was very familiar with Slender and Amnesia, which were the 2 other games featured in this Halloween special, but this was the first time I REALLY got to check out Outlast.

Now, let me preface that during this time, internet culture was very interesting and even less safe than it is today. I had a ton of bad experiences on the internet during my childhood. But oddly (and embarrassingly), the emo/scene/horror/creepypasta culture was what brought me comfort amongst a sea of awful things you could find on the internet. It was probably unhealthy for my developing brain, but I indulged in a lot of angst that was presented with heavy gore and violence. And to be honest, looking at this kind of stuff at a young age helped me process a lot of my own personal shit that I experienced outside of the internet realm. (To be clear, I don't endorse this type of violence, and I don't endorse exploring the internet in the same way I did as a child—it was probably very unhealthy and I think it caused some early development issues.)

But nothing—and I mean NOTHING—scratched that itch more than the way Outlast did. I watched the finger cutting scene in Conan's “Clueless Gamer” and was fucking mortified. I was scared of the dark for weeks. But I remember spending that night in my bedroom looking at more Outlast content to get that cathartic fix to fill my emotional hole of…I don't know…morbid curiosity? I definitely felt shame at the time. I don't know. In recent years, I've been on this journey to process stuff I experienced during my childhood and I struggle to go about my middle-school/junior-high stage because…I don't know…puberty? Access to the internet? I once got bullied by a forum of adult men for posting fan art LMAO. I was 12 years old—I forgot what the fan art even was. ANYWAYS, yea. That was only one instance of my conglomeration of internet experiences. (Like many other peeps, I had to hide my gender & racial identity to preserve my sanity). Indulging in gore art was therapeutic and helped me release negative emotions in a non-harmful way. Horror-genre communities online have been mostly friendly and welcoming towards me. That's probably why I fell in love with Outlast as an art rather than a video game.

I wasn't in the fandom straight off the bat. I had other hyper fixations at times but I navigated through these other fixations with this personal “Outlast standard” where the art and fiction I consumed needed to be horror-themed, gorey, or angsty. And Outlast isn't solely to blame. I was into gore and angst before the game came out. It just so happened that it came out at such a perfect time in my life. (Horror made my queer self feel accepted)

This whole “Outlast standard” stuck with me throughout high school. Uh… this next bit of information may get a little personal. During my sophomore year, someone really important in my life passed away. Then I had this life-impacting thing happen during my junior year that changed how I perceived things forever (lol, this sounds so dramatic). I turned to art to help me process and yada yada… but y'know what really helped? You know what I turned to when I needed to “scratch the itch”? (I bet you'll never guess)

I finally considered myself a part of the Outlast fandom in 2018-2019. I was a high school junior/senior and I posted the Outlast-Outkast animation that got retweeted by Red Barrels. Had a lot of fun in the fandom during that time and it helped get my mind off of things. Also, I loved the fact that Waylon graduated from Berkeley. I was applying to colleges during this time and it made me romanticize Berkeley, lol. I ended up getting accepted. Had an awesome time. I recently graduated and got my Bachelor's. I'm very privileged and gracious for my experience. I spent a lot of grueling time and energy dedicated towards my education.

During my college years, a lot of the unprocessed shit from my childhood started resurfacing and it was becoming hard to navigate through life. I became really disconnected with people who were close to me. Art started to fall out of my life. Stuff happened. Got in touch with psychiatrists thanks to my college's free health services. I don't mean to downplay or normalize what happened, but I'll bring up that many college students deal with mental illness and depression (and this could be attributed to many things: moving away from family, student-life, financial pressure, pressure to secure jobs/internships, living alone for the first time, maturing into an adult, etc. etc.).

But I remember sitting alone in my studio apartment one weekend and started surfing Tumblr. I came across new Outlast fan art and it sparked my hyper fixation all over again. I re-read the comics and—OKAY THIS IS GONNA SOUND FUCKING RIDICULOUS—but I started jogging because Miles went on jogs LMAOOAKJDGHJAHKGFL. I finally picked up the pencil and started drawing again (after like…months) and drew Miles and Waylon flipping off Murkoff. And THAT was when I realized what the narratives of Outlast were actually about—FUCKIN' CAPITALISM AAUGGGHHH. MY LITTLE POOPOO BRAIN AT AGE 12 NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. AND NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT—NOW THAT I CAN BLATANTLY SEE MYSELF AND MY PEERS AS VICTIMS/PRODUCTS OF CAPITALISM—CAN FINALLY FIND SO MUCH VALUE AND MEANING IN THIS GAME HHHRHRJGHKSDKFGLAJKDG SAY W H A T IM GONNA *explodes*

Then a year later, I started drawing more and more again. Trials' promotional marketing was becoming more prominent. I started posting my fan art on Tumblr. Then I made the fanimation (thank you Mr. Baichoo, you're so awesome, I will forever be a fan of yours) and now here I am. Still fixated on this silly little game for nearly 10 years. WHEW.

I FEEL LIKE A SHRIMP CHIP. Anyways, thanks. I much needed to get this off my chest.

Also, hey! Just wanted to say thanks for the friendly and welcoming interactions in this space. It feels so much safer and more comforting than previous internet experiences I've had. Since 2013, the fandom has evolved a lot. In my opinion, it has evolved for the better. The resurgence of new fans bring such refreshing perspectives and fields of knowledge that haven't been influenced by some of the harmful internet culture that I grew up in. So truly, many thanks to y'all for making the fandom space a nicer place (especially for such a heavy game). Also, what the heck, everyone in the fandom is seriously so talented and artistic

Uh… fan art time? (old stuff/sketches I haven’t posted)

But seriously if you got this far, thank you

[lovesick-boyz]

hi.

well… after being stalked and harassed for the past couple of months, i am finally back!! stay tuned lol i got some fics lined up for y’all 😁

anyway if you read that first line and thought to yourself “WTF?!?”, here is the full story for my curious readers (just a warning, it’s long and i rant a lot):

a couple of months ago, i started getting tagged by random accs on tiktok and insta that posted vids accusing me of the most random and heinous shit. honestly, it just baffled me the first time i saw them bc they made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

when the first ones popped up, i just blocked them thinking it was a random troll and went on with my life.

but then i kept getting spammed by other accs with new posts where they not only involved me but also my friends, and accused us as a friend group of being horrible ppl.

i had enough (i can’t even remember how many accs i blocked) and deleted ALL my social media apps for a while (i.e. more than a couple of months, oops) and basically isolated myself from ppl so that i could focus on other things to distract me (i ended up making daily exercise a habit so ig that’s one good thing that’s come out of this lol, i also rewatched all the marvel movies in timeline order hehe). i wish i continued writing so i could’ve at least had more content to share by now, but i was feeling so negative and pissed that i couldn’t even bring myself to write anything (i even uninstalled notion from my phone and that’s where i keep all my drafts and fic ideas)

i only found out the full situation less than a week ago when i reinstalled tiktok bc i missed it, only to find more burner accs harassing me. i finally had enough so i reinstalled insta to rant about it on my spam acc for my friends to see and to my surprise a couple of them knew who it was and explained the whole situation to me.

it was my first time interacting with ppl outside of my family in months lol, when i tell y’all i isolated myself i really did mean it 🙃 my irl friends didn’t even know anything out of the ordinary was happening bc i’m notorious in my friend group for going off the grid for months at a time bc of how bad my mental health gets sometimes, they know to just let me be and let me deal with it alone bc they understand that’s how i work best. (they won’t see this bc they don’t know this tumblr exists but i wanna apologise to my dear friends for my disappearing acts, my bad, i love y’all for being so understanding and still being my friend after all this time 🫶🏼)

anyway, it turns out the culprit was this guy that my friend had rejected previously and he’s so bitter and hateful that he decided to harass me bc he knew i was one of her bffs (the ppl he targeted were the ones in her closest friend group which included me)

but here’s the kicker: I’VE ONLY TALKED TO THIS GUY TWICE!! AND EACH TIME WE TALKED FOR LESS THAN 5 MINS ABOUT IRRELEVANT SHIT!!! WHY AM I INVOLVED?? YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!

when my friend found out she was so surprised and appalled that he was harassing me too, bc him, my friend, and the other ppl he targeted all go to the same college together (and i’m the only one in the friend group that goes to a different college, so to reiterate once again: this guy barely knows me! the last time we spoke was at my friends bday party 3 years ago!! he’s literally insane!)

she knew he was harassing my other friends since they’re all in the same school and know him in person, she didn’t think i would be involved too and i couldn’t believe i was.

anyway, i just wanted to rant about this whole thing bc i’m having a hard time processing it tbh. i hope that guy rots in hell and also finds a job there bc he was acting hella unemployed like who has time for this? he made me feel so confused and paranoid for weeks and i hope he gets all the karma he deserves in the universe.

y’all wanna know something funny tho? i started writing a changmin stalker fic in june, way before this whole situation happened. life imitates art ig 🤪 anyway i finally finished it and i’m gonna release that fic next after i fine tune it, at least now it’ll be somewhat realistic lmaoooo

[exculpateinteractivefiction]

👑 CROWN - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they're in love?

For all the ROs

👑 CROWN - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?

Mav: A person. Deep down he hopes people will think of him as more than the strongest - especially after he’s gone.

Carmen: Someone who tried their best. She doesn’t know what the future holds or who she’ll end up being but one thing she does know is how much of herself she puts into everything she does.

Juno: Someone who saved as many people as she could. Even with her medical skills and ability she can’t save everyone. She hopes people know that she tries though.

Silas: A good person. He tries his hardest to care for everyone and to do the right thing - even at the expense of himself. He hopes no matter what happens that people remember that about him.

Payton: A good sibling. They don’t care what other people think of them once they are gone (ironic considering how obsessed with it when they’re alive) but everything they do is for their siblings and if people need to remember something about them, they hope it’s that.

Amari: Someone who was strong. They fought for their place in the Astra, worked as hard as they could to get where they are in life. They need people to remember that about them.

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

Mav: His personality! I intended for him to be much more…condescending. Don’t get me wrong he’s arrogant in the current draft of the story but it’s more joking/subtle now.

Carmen: Her power. She originally had shape-shifting but I didn’t like how plain it felt. I wanted her to have a more specific ability.

Juno: She originally wasn’t meant to be an RO at all! I ended up changing it last second because I liked her dynamic with the MC a lot.

Silas: He was originally supposed to be a rookie like Amari. I changed it because I liked the dynamic of having everyone except one character knowing the MC prior to the start of the story better.

Payton: They’re a lot nicer than they were originally! They hated the MC in the original version and was kinda an asshole in general. I found writing that type of character to be boring though so they changed quite a bit.

Amari: Similar to Carmen, their ability changed the most - or to be more accurate, I took a long time to decide on their actual ability. I knew I wanted them to be some kind of “manipulator” but didn’t choose a specific ability until way later than I would like to admit.

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they're in love?

Mav: It’s definitely noticeable lol! He’s much more open and willing to actually listen to someone he’s into. He’s also a lot more willing to be vulnerable with his partner.

Carmen: It’s noticeable to people that know her! She’s a lot more relaxed when she’s in love - more willing to let things go and just exist with her partner/crush.

Juno: Not really all that noticeable. She’s basically the same when she’s in love with the exception of being a bit more upbeat (?). That’s the best way I can describe it. She’s just happier.

Silas: It’s very noticeable when he’s got a crush! He’s a flustered mess - always smiling, stumbling over himself to make his partner happy, etc. It’s almost annoying how devoted he is.

Payton: Yes and no. It’s not obvious until it is. One day they act completely normal and the next they’re a flustered mess. When they’re in love, they tend to be a lot more genuine! More soft smiles, snorts, etc.

Amari: It’s not noticeable. They’re the type that could be married for years and have nobody realize because of how unflappable they are. Similar to Juno, when they’re in love they are just happier.

[metaharlot]

Hijiginpachi Unfinished Draft From Years Ago lol

This is an unfinished teacher/student Hijigin scenario I’ve literally held since I was in high school lmao

Spoiler alert: I’m not into underage shit. So this is a Mr Young(?) situation where Gintoki/Ginpachi somehow became a teacher as a teen & was the same age as everyone he taught (everyone was aged down accordingly)

Why was this happening? Genuinely I don’t remember why but I think it was smth about budget cuts to the anime in-universe lmao

Anyway here’s an unfinished snippet + ending notes

Also I’m aware that you probably don’t have to go to a police academy to become a cop but back then and even now I don’t have enough respect towards cops to research them. I hear enough on the news

The Shinsengumi & Mimawarigumi are on thin ice cause they get made fun off enough/their force literally got dissolved 

Anyway Gintoki & Hijikata liked each other while they were teacher/student but their emotionally constipated asses only found the courage to confess after graduation/before Toshi was literally about to leave on the train for school

They stayed in touch & Toshi was like if our feelings haven’t changed by the time I become a cop do you want to try this for real?

Obviously their feelings remain the same and they entered a happy if not extremely dysfunctional relationship

And three years after they entered said relationship, Toshi finally feels comfortable enough to make a certain kinky request…

“…Really?”

Ginpachi tried to cover his growing smirk with hand, but with how he could see the tips of Hijikata's ears turning bright red it seemed he wasn’t very successful.

“I’m not judging man. It’s just…wow it must have been a struggle holding this one in for so long.”

Hijikata turned to the side face burning as he clenched his fist.

“Look if you’re not interested you can just say so, you don’t have to tease-“

Hijikata’s speech was cut off by a finger on his lips.

“Now, now my darling little tsundere. I never said that, did I?” Ginpachi said, slowly climbing onto Hijikata’s lap.

 Hijikata sputtered, seemingly unsure of where to put his hands before resting them on Ginpachi’s waist. Ginpachi raised an eyebrow before moving those shaking hands down to cup his ass.

“Gin-!”

Gintoki cut him off with a kiss, both of them moaning into it as Hijiakata gripped his old teacher’s ass tighter.

Both of them were panting by the time they parted, a string of spit stretching put between their mouths.

“I was a little surprised by the ageplay aspect, though it does make sense in retrospect. You were pretty into that Kondo kid who got held back for a while huh?”

“Don’t call Kondo-san ‘kid’ he’s literally a few years older than us. And still in our lives.”

“But Gin-san still won your affections in the end didn’t he.”  Ginpachi slid his hands off of Hijikata’s shoulders to flex dramatically.

That caused the first peal of laughter to burst out of Hijikata’s mouth since he made the initial request. Despite the fact that it was teasingly at his expense, Gintoki couldn’t help but soften. As much as he loved to tease his thorny cop he loved his laugh. He was so serious at only 27. Gin-san refused to be a widow because his stupid loved didn’t know how to relax.

Ginpachi placed a hand on Hijikata’s face and turned him until they were looking each other in the eye.

“So let Gin-san share some of his own affection for you, hm? It’s not like this is a hardship, otherwise I wouldn’t do it.”

“And I would have had to deal with your bitchy complaining the whole time.” Hijikata nodded solemnly.

“And you would have had to deal with my bitchy complaining the whole time.” Ginpachi nodded solemnly.

They made eye contact again and started laughing. Hijikata sighed and rested his head on Gintoki’s voluminous chest.

“…thanks Gin.”

“Hey you gotta learn to rely on your old teacher more.” Then Ginpachi snorted. “Oh sorry, should I wait to pull out that line tomorrow? That sounds like something you’d obsess over your dilf teacher saying if you were still a cherry boy teenager.” 

“Oh, shut UP.” Hijikata slapped Gintoki’s shoulder.

“Whaaaaat. I just said there’s no shame in this Hijikata-kuuuun.”

Hijikata rolled his eyes and pressed his face further into Gintoki’s chest. 

“…You sure the school is empty tomorrow?”

“Yeah there’s some important district-wide teacher conference that lasts a few days and everyone has to go. Luckily for us I got banned from that YEARS ago after kicking the main speaker in the nuts.”

“…you’re such a menace.”

“But I’m your menace.” Ginpachi fluttered his eyelashes at Hijikata sickeningly sweet.

Hijikata just stared back at him unimpressed.

“…let’s just go to bed. I don’t think I can handle any more of your corniness.”

Hijikata started walking to their bedroom, carrying Gintoki in his arms.

“Hey!!! You love Gin-san’s corniness! Otherwise you wouldn’t be choking so often on his cob!”

~~~

“D-don’t tease me!”

“Don’t tease you?”

Ginpachi-sensei gasped as he was pulled up by his hair and forcibly turned to face Hijikata.

“You made me wait four years to have you.”

Ginpachi-sensei wailed as Hijikata slapped his ass with his graduation certificate, continuing to thrust into his former teacher’s needy hole.

“You rejected me again, and again, and again.”

“N-noooo!” Ginpachi-sensei gasped as Hijikata blew into his ear.

“Then finally in my fourth year, you said that we can try after I graduate.”

Hijikata flipped Ginpachi-sensei over on his desk and slammed his wrists down.

“I’m leaving for the police academy.”

Hijikata stopped thrusting, laying his head down on Ginpachi-sensei’s shoulder.

“I won’t see you for years.”

Ginpachi-sensei stared at the younger boy’s head, then sighed, wrapping his arms around Hijikata and holding him tight.

“I know.”

“...Will you miss me?”

Ginpachi-sensei gripped onto him even tighter.

“More than you could ever imagine.” 

Ginpachi-sensei felt his shoulder growing wet and shook his head fondly.

What a troublesome person.

“Thank you. I feel so much better after hearing you say that.”

Deep blue eyes looked up to meet Ginpachi-sensei’s wine red ones. Then Hijikata grabbed Ginpachi-sensei’s hips and thrust in as deeply as he could.

Ginpachi-sensei screamed.

“H-Hijikata-kun no~!”

“Toushiro.”

“W-wha-?” Ginpachi-sensei’s back arched as Hijikata started going even faster.

“Call me Toushiro.”

“T-Toshi~” Ginpachi’s eyes start rolling up into his head at Hijikata’s merciless thrusts.

“Come on you can say it~. Or have I already fucked you so stupid you can’t say three simple syllables?” Hijikata grinned ferally.

Tears beaded in Gintoki’s eyes, one dripping down and leaving a trail of eyeliner.

“T-Toshi! Toushiro pleaseeee. M-mercy please~”

Hijikata then rips open Ginpachi-sensei’s shirt and starts playing with his nipples

Ginpachi screeches at Hijikata and tells him to slow down cause he’s too old for this. Hijikata retorts that Ginpachi is literally only 27

Hijikata licks up Gintoki’s neck and starts muttering how jealous he is of all of Ginpachi’s other admirers that haven’t graduated yet. How they better appreciate the fact that they can still see Ginpachi everyday

G: Brat it’s not like I make it a habit of dating my students! For better or worse you’re my only exception

Hijikata gets like 85% rougher after that while Ginpachi can only wail and moan on his giant dick

Cue Ginpachi cumming violently but Hiji just keeps going

Ginpachi-sensei’s just begging him to stop but he’s not so lots of sobbing

Hijikata proceeds to fuck him in all the spots he fantasized about while he was still a student:

He slams Ginpachi’s face into the blackboard, hand in his hair as he lifts one of the teacher’s legs over his shoulder, forcing him to stand on his tip-toes and clutch desperately at the protruding bottom part of the blackboard. Slamming into Ginpachi’s prostate as the helpless teacher cums all over himself and the floor

He sits himself down on Ginpachi’s chair in the front, and forces Ginpachi to bounce on his dick and play with his nipples. If Ginpachi slows down or stops, Hijikata will grab both of his wrists and rub him off multiple times. Otherwise this is Ginpachi’s one “reprieve” from cumming, as this is the only time Hijikata focuses more on getting himself off than making Ginpachi cum his brains out

Then Hijikata switches places with Ginpachi but with a twist. Hijikata maneuvers himself underneath Ginpachi’s desk as he places both of the teacher’s legs on his desk, leaving everything out for Hijikata’s eyes, and mouth, and hands, and tongue only. Regardless of his exhaustion, Ginpachi still finds the energy to scream as Hijikata offers his dick, balls, perineum, and asshole no mercy

After that meal, Hijikata gives Ginpachi a quick water break as he opens the window blinds and brings his old desk to the window where he saw Ginpachi waving at him just before he left for the academy. So of course he fucks him over that small desk and Ginpachi has no room and is forced to rest his upper body against the window, screaming as his burning nipples feel like they’re being iced against the window, and leaving various handprints, breathmarks and drool against the window

Hijikata also pulls him up by his hair once more as he slaps his ass with his graduation certificate once more

There’s nothing coming out of Ginpachi’s dick, it’s not even standing up anymore and Ginpachi collapses, Hijikata following him and gently lowering him down to the ground

Ginpachi’s gasping and crying as he’s crushed under Hijikata’s weight and dick, trying and failing to crawl away as Hijikata fucks him into the ground

Hijikata rolls them over to the side to give Ginpachi a second to breathe, lifting the poor teacher’s leg up in his arm and fucks him slowly and sensually for the last time

He then rolls Ginpachi onto his back, and sees him all messed up, wearing nothing but his lab caot which has fanned on the ground beneath him, thighs spread, legs trembling & cum leaking out while Ginpachi-sensei is whimpering 

H: I’ll miss you so much Ginpachi-sensei…

Ginpachi-sensei gets irritated and yells about him going overboard with his stupid youthfulness and how he should think more about elders who still have to work the next day

Then Ginpachi-sensei softens & sits up groaning (Hiji has to fight hard not to jump him again especially cause Ginpachi-sensei gives him warning look)

G: “Five years will pass in a flash Toushiro, even if it doesn’t feel like that at first I promise it will”

Then Ginpachi pulls him in close for a hug. “I will miss you. I’ll be the one who waits this time. I love you.”

Hijikate tears up as he hugs Ginpachi-sensei back. 

H: How is it you still make me feel like such a kid? I swear I’ll come back as a man you can be proud of.

The Roleplay ends as Hijikata whispers that he hopes he’s lived up to that promise.

Ginpachi rolls his eyes and kisses him back hard

G: You never needed to prove yourself. I’ve loved you back then and with every person you’ll become

Then Hijikata has to carry Ginpachi home and gives a lot of aftercare while Ginpachi teases him a little more aggressively than usual

Because even though it’s still Saturday he’s exhausted from the sex and cleaning up and they both have work on Monday

~~~

I also had a note that went like: Gonna leave a butt(?) imprint if you know what I mean wink wonk (dirty talk)

I think I was trying to say they’ll fuck on the desk and Gintoki will leave a sweaty butt print (like that one Sakagin fic)

Very unimportant to the story but it’s haunted/lifted my spirits for years so you guys get it too

I might write/rewrite it in better detail one day but I’ve had so much writer burnout. Just in case, here y’all go

[seakicker]

Miss Seakicker HI! 🦦 anon here, I just wanted to pop in and ask a question but before that;

How have you been? I’m loving the new theme and layout for your blog! I hope you’re drinking enough water and taking enough breaks. We can’t have Fertility archon Juju getting sick!

I started playing Tears of The Kingdom and there’s a place called Joju-u-u Shrine in the game (we almost had Juju Shrine!) I went bra shopping earlier (nothing spicy, just needed some new ones).

I’m not really sure how else to ask this but do you have any advice for when the insecurities about one’s body image start to get…loud? Like some days I’ll feel good in a pair of pants because i fill them out really well but then there’ll be bad days like the time i spent 2 hours on an online site buying a kazuha cosplay because I didn’t want to admit i was a size bigger. (I bought the bigger size in the end and that one fits like a glove)

Feel free to answer this whenever you like! - 🦦 anon

HELLOOOOOOO SWEETHEART GAH i’m very late in answering this because i’m just tryin to find the motivation to use tumblr consistently again, but i was thinking about this ask again today bc i’ve had it in drafts since you sent it to me. i’ve been working a ton but i’m alright; drinking water and working on eating healthier for myself 😊❤️ what kinds of things do you think we’d do at a juju shrine… 🤔👀

as far as the insecurity part goes, honestly i’ve found that staying off the internet entirely on days where you’re maybe feeling a little worse about yourself is extremely beneficial. with how prevalent bodychecking and diet culture BS are on tiktok and instagram in particular and with how advanced filters and photoshop have gotten (remember when people considered it impossible to use filters/edits on videos? good times), taking a bit of a detox and staving off of doomscrolling rlly go a long way on days where i may not be feeling the best about myself. like, i’ve seen people recommend eating an entire block of cream cheese under the guise of health because keto influencers love spinning nonsense and trying to make you genuinely believe that an entire brick of cream cheese is inherently better for you than a single piece of bread for toast, lol.

at any rate, i think it’s good to remind yourself that you are real and your body is real and not everything you see online is real— most people are able to (rightfully) internalize that they shouldn’t compare their bodies to digital art or anime characters, and i think that mentally should extend to just about any 3D picture you see online— while i’m not inherently anti-photoshop or anything like that, i DO think it’s harmful for these people who participate in photoshopping their pics or using filters to pass it off as (A) all natural genetics and/or (B) simple diet and exercise because no amount of genetics, diet, or exercise are gonna give you a 13 inch waist and 42 inch hips. even pictures of real life people can be twisted to the point where they might as well be fictitious, but your body is real when you look at it and real in anything and everything you wear, so why worry about how it stacks up compared to a picture that’s certainly edited?

i first read this on pinterest in like high school but it’s honestly sound advice and something that’s really stuck with me— we don’t get mad at our feet for being too small/too big/too wide/too narrow when shoes don’t fit, we just buy a different size— shouldn’t the same idea extend to all our clothes? our bodies aren’t made to fit clothes, clothes are made to fit our bodies— and buying a bigger cosplay to fit you better isn’t a fault of yours nor your body’s. you got this ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[missguomeiyun]

Homecooking [June ed]

Hello!

So as I’ve said . .. I spent a lot of time watching K-dramas this month.. & I took I think 2 extra shifts at work so I didn’t do as much homecooking as usual... haha I watched The Bad Good Mother & Dr. Romantic season 3. Both were very good. I liked them both equally - they’re so different that you can’t compare them. As for Dr. Romantic season 3 & how it compares with the previous 2 seasons. .. I think I liked season 2 the most. TBH, it’s not like I remember much from the 1st 2 seasons but I found the switch of cast for season 2 to be refreshing. I wasn’t a huge fan of the cast in season 1 so maybe that’s why I preferred season 2. The ‘problem’ with season 3, despite it being really enjoyable still, was that the Doldam hospital got an extended attachment built, called the Doldam Trauma Centre. I like the series bcos it was about the rural hospital in the 1st 2 seasons but in season 3, the split was 50/50 between the old hospital & the newly built trauma centre. It kind of lost its feel/atmosphere, you know what I mean? Also, I have a thought. .. I think the writer intended the series to be a 1-decade long project with 4-5 seasons in mind haha I’m totally spreading fiction here but . .. that’s what I’m thinking. (It has been 7 yrs now, close to maybe 8 since filming of season 1 commenced)

*some spoiler ahead*

The end of season 3 hints at a possible season 4 with the return of one of the season 1 cast members. & the trauma centre is now fully operational, which means.. . the so-called ‘blueprint’ that Dr. Kim (& his senior hospital staff team) was drafting up is near completion. His students will all have a position in either the old hospital or the trauma centre, & the ‘team’ is established. I feel like with the opening of the trauma centre & the migration of staff & patients there is like . .. the end lol THEREFORE, I think there’s gonna be 1 last season that would have season 1, 2 & 3 cast . .. & that’s it :P

Anyway, now .. the food.

My fav scone from Sunterra - the bacon, cheddar, & chive scone. SO GOOD!!!!

Doesn’t look great but actually really tasty: curry udon.

Ramyeon (the Ottogi brand ‘plain’ one in the yellow bag that doesn’t come with any seasonings) with cheongguk-jang soup/broth. I added some cylindrical rice cakes, long lettuce, bean sprouts & fish cake.

Homemade wontons with rice vermicelli bcos I don’t actually like the bouncy wonton noodles.

Same thing but this was the kids version for my nieces.

Fruits for myself & the nieces. Shared 1 apple, 1 orange, & 1 banana haha

Bibim-myeon with bean sprouts & green onion banchan .. & egg~  omg this was so refreshing on one the hotttttest days we had in June. I hate the heat so much >.<

Homemade pho with ‘real’ steak lol not those thin slices of beef =P

Got this from Hmart: seaweed flavour wheat cracker o_O

They were small, highly addictive & not too salty. The texture was kinda weird though... not sure if I’ll buy again but good value for $1.98 so was worth a try! Yes, I know- they look like mini instant noodles. The texture was similar to dry/uncooked instant noodles too. But it’s wheat. So weird!

Pasta~

Ramyeon with egg & cheese. I normally don’t add cheese but .. why not??

I’ve made this before but I think I have finally ‘perfected’ this. It’s stir-fry cylindrical rice cake with an egg scrambled into it. The inspiration behind this was bot chien, which is a Vietnamese style rice cake that is cooked with/scrambled with an egg. They also add green onions, which I didn’t here but I could have. I added soy sauce + sugar into mine vs bot chien adds salt & fish sauce. I really like the texture of the rice cakes here!

That is it. Yeah ..... I didn’t finish my June book =/

[that-was-anticlimactic]

j, t, w?

lol hey just remembered that i had these from dec 19th lol i think i was just so mentally unwell at the time that i couldn't actually process the fact that i had asks and was capable of answering them even tho i literally reblogged the ask game lol anyways was going through my drafts and saw this and i'm MUCH better now so i went through and found the game and imma do it now <3

j - name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over tumblr. (you don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that tumblr made you aware of.)

so. many. i mean, most recently, bungou stray dogs, haha! but most of the anime i watched came from tumblr moots on the dash! y'all help introduce me to SO many things <3

t - do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

YES SO MANY i mean obviously all of my ts headcanons and neurodivergence ones, too, but also all the who eats tomatoes like apples hcs and okay i'll choose one specific one uhhhhh let's see... OH! cole ninjago actually doesn't like cake that much. the reason he was so excited about cake is that, we can assume, he had to be on a diet on some sorts growing up. maybe nota diet, but i'm sure lou would have a pretty sugar-free household due to how serious he took dancing, so i feel like cake was a special thing, right? and i hc that lilly LOVED cake and that's why cole got so excited and why cake is his go to sweet food - because it makes him think of his mom. whenever their family indulged in sweets, lilly and lou always chose cake. it's just a special thing for cole and he has a lot of nice memories with it! that's why he got so excited in "double trouble". he actually prefers a lot of other things to cake. and we can assume that marty oppenehimers prolly was even more restrictive and then cole ran away and prolly lived in the woods so like where's he going to get cake with what money with what bakery. anyways. i will DIE ON THIS HILL and is this partially spite... yes. but idc. i am correct.

w - a trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

i answered this here, but i can CERTAINLY answer it again <3 i hate the dynamic where it's like... one character is more depressed or traumatized than the other (which is SUCH a subjective argument to imply/make UGH) therefore they always cry and breakdown (and 9/10 times, the character they do this to wouldn't respond to their trauma this way so it's ooc) and the other one has to constantly protect or comfort them. i don't mind characters being protective of each other or comforting each other, but like. when the fandom seems to agree that one character's trauma is more important than another's it sucks and is so nasty. i remember trying to find fics for fandoms or ships or whatever and having SO much trouble because (depending on the character) almost every fic was them protecting or caring for the other and like... i get it. but dude. stop disrespecting the character you uwu-ified or babied. they'd hate you for babying them. let them actually process their trauma the way they Would. not everyone just cries all the time. ugh. let them express their emotions they way they genuinely would.

[astupidweeb69]

Unrequited (Yandere! Ticci Toby x Reader) Part 4

Next Chapters: Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Links to Previous Chapters: Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3

Author's Note: I feel like this chapter sucks lol. My summer courses just ended and I had to pull a couple of all-nighters to write a 10-page research paper. So I'm VERY sleep-deprived and still recovering. But I wanted to post another chapter now since I had it planned out with a rough draft for days.

After editing it’s actually about 1,000 words longer than originally. So, damnit, I’m posting it. Cross-posted on my Ao3 account which I update quicker.

Warnings: Swearing. Non-consensual touching/groping/kissing (Technically sexual assault. But I tried not to make anything too graphic. I’m not super comfortable writing things like that, but it’s important to the plot for this specific chapter). Descriptions of gore? Also, some minor spoilers for the movie Hellraiser if you haven't seen it. (4,450 words)

********************

“You invited that guy over?”

Anne immediately snapped her head from the TV, shocked at the news. Giving you a look that could only mean ‘are you crazy?’.

Just like the two of you had agreed a couple of days ago, she had been staying over at your place to keep you company. You were feeling especially vulnerable now, so you’d only allow the presence of someone you were really close to.

That’s why when you told her about your recent development with the “weird guy” from the bookstore, it didn’t make any sense to her.

“Well, yeah… I thought maybe I’d been overly sensitive about how he was acting. Or remembering things wrong? You know I’ve been in a rough spot lately.” You sighed, cringing at the memory. “Plus, you should’ve seen how sad he looked when I tried to leave. For a second, I thought he was going to cry.”

Anne rolled her eyes. You could tell she was trying to hold back giving you a lecture.

“Don’t just hand over your phone number because you feel bad.”

A fair point.

Normally you could tell someone off if they were making you feel unsafe, hell, even throw a punch if it came to it. But if someone looked at you the way Toby had… there was something in you that had a hard time saying no.

At your lack of response, Anne continued. “And you didn’t have to give him your address too. Why didn’t you just meet him in a public place?”

Logic never failed her, you thought bitterly. Eyes drifting down to your feet, embarrassed, you prepared your stupid reasoning for putting yourself in this situation.

“I just… still don’t feel comfortable going out yet. And I wanted to show him some movies. I know it was dumb, but I’d feel more at ease doing something I enjoy in a place I’m familiar with. And remember, I said that my mind had probably been exaggerating things.”

Your friend frowned at the explanation. Sure, she’d been helping you get out a bit more, but whenever you found yourself in a rut it took more than a few days to get back to normal. You could see it pained her whenever you still refused to leave the house.

“Fine. It’s your call. Just… promise me you’ll text me the entire time, so I know you’re okay.” Anne got up from the couch and made her way to the front door. She smoothed out her short brown hair and grabbed her keys and purse.

“You’re leaving?” You asked, unclear on what her plans were for the day.

She nodded. “Yeah, my boss texted me this morning asking me if I could work the late shift. I would have told you earlier, but I didn’t realize you would be inviting Tony over. It kills me I can’t be here to make sure he doesn’t try anything.”

“Toby.” You corrected, “And don’t worry…” Flashing her a stupid grin, you lifted your arms up and jokingly flexed your muscles. “He wouldn’t stand a chance. I’ll just kick his ass to the curb if something happens.”

“Of course you will.” Anne scoffed. “Seriously though, be careful.”

With one last worried smile, she left.

After hearing her car pull out of the driveway, you started thinking about what you had just agreed to.

This was just two people getting to know each other…. right?

Hanging out as… potential friends.

That’s all.

But you couldn’t shake your doubts.

The fear beginning to resurface.

Was this a date?

Hopefully not.

You were honestly just excited you’d found someone with a similar interest, who wouldn’t flinch at excessive gore. You didn’t want to start dating now. Especially while you were still trying to recover. Walking up the stairs towards your room you thought more about Toby.

He wasn’t… ugly?

That was the nicest thing you could bring yourself to say. Any attractiveness that might’ve been felt was suppressed by how uncomfortable he made you feel. Plus, the whole time he was around you’d been avoiding looking directly at him.

The mirror in your bathroom reflected your tired face.

Date or not, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to put some effort into how you looked.

Doing your standard routine, you finally put on a cozy sweater and your favorite pair of jeans. Nothing that would make it seem like you put too much thought into it. Again, wanting to avoid sending any messages to Toby that this was going to be a romantic thing.

When you finished fixing yourself, you hurried back down to the kitchen to make your last-minute preparations.

There was a frozen pizza set out, a pile of movies to select from, and now all you had to do was wait.

***********************

It was getting dark.

That was normal this time of year, and it gave the perfect ambiance for watching films. The house was cold, so you had made sure to get plenty of blankets for the couch, trying to do anything to keep your mind occupied.

To say you felt nervous was an understatement.

As the hours crept closer to 6, your stomach began doing flips. Regretting everything leading up to this moment.

You sat on the couch flipping through channels on the TV, not paying attention. Leg bouncing up and down, you glanced at the clock on the wall for probably the 100th time in the last minute.

‘5:59’

The doorbell rang.

The remote flew out of your hand.

He was here.

You smoothed out your sweater and hesitantly walked over to greet him.

As your hand grabbed the doorknob, you took a deep breath. Before getting the chance to say hello, your senses were overwhelmed by some kind of musky fragrance.

Sandalwood and lavender?

You stifled a cough.

“Huh-hey.”

Toby stood in front of you, his hands in his pockets, hunched over, giving you an awkward smile. He wore the same black turtleneck you saw him in before and his unruly brown hair was combed in a half-ass attempt to tame it.

Apparently, he had also decided to bathe in cologne.

Okay, this guy was trying a little too hard. Shit. He probably did think this was a date then.

Trying not to panic, you smiled politely. “Nice to see you again.”

You turned to the side to let him in.

But he didn’t move.

He just kept staring.

“Uh… Do you plan on staying outside the whole time or….?”

Toby blinked, realizing he’d been spacing out. He looked like he was in a bit of a daze.

“Suh-sorry.”

He came inside and you shut the door behind him.

Both of his arms reached forwards. Baffled by the unexpected gesture, you found yourself wrapped in a vice-like grip. A bone-crushing hug that made it hard to breathe. You awkwardly patted his back, feeling his body shake all over, and warm breath fanning through your hair. You pulled away slightly to signal to him it was time to let go.

He released you slowly with a disappointed pout.

“Umm… okay… that was… nice?” You swallowed.

He tilted his head beaming with affection.

This was already off to a weird start, but you were trying to stay optimistic.

Getting a better look at him now, you noticed his face had quite a few scars on the left side. Especially leading up to the bandage covering his cheek.

You wondered what the story was there, but you weren’t going to ask. Toby was probably self-conscious about it, since the more you glanced at it, the more he started to twitch.

But now it was time to maintain the role of a considerate host. Offering drinks and food. The standard crap you always did when having guests over. Even more so when you didn’t know the person well.

You motioned your head towards the kitchen. “Follow me.”

“Have you had dinner yet? I have some frozen pizza if you want.” You grabbed the cardboard box containing the gourmet meal you planned to have that evening.

He shook his head, face grimacing involuntarily. “Nuh-no, I haven’t had any food today. I fuh-forgot to eat.”

“Damn… Well, I’ll pop this in the oven right now then. I have some snacks too you can have while we wait.” How the hell did a tall guy like Toby forget to eat for an entire day?

You couldn’t help the look of concern on your face. More so when you became aware of just how pale he was. There was almost a gray complexion to his skin that was borderline unnatural. His body wasn’t getting enough nourishment, that’s for sure.

“Here, I’ll get you some stuff to eat. Skipping meals is never good.”

With a sly grin on his face, Toby lifted an eyebrow when you began handing him bags of food from your pantry. “You’re wuh-worried about me? That’s ssss-so sweet.” He teased.

You stopped and looked over your shoulder. The man was already cornering you in the small storeroom, proving he had no grasp on the concept of personal space. Toby leaned down a bit getting closer to your face, a playful smirk crinkling the tape on his skin. Eyes drifting south for a second before snapping back up again. He wasn’t subtle.

Something you were noticing more and more with each passing moment.

It was making you grow weary, and you sure as hell didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of admitting you cared about his wellbeing. “I just don’t want you to pass out during the movie. It’s not as fun if I don’t get to see you scared.”

Toby suddenly laughed, loud enough to make you flinch.

“I don’t scuh-scare so easily.”

The way he spoke was hard to describe. It was like there was an inside joke you weren’t a part of.  

Moving away from you, he stood to his full height, cracking one of his shoulders in the process.

God, he was tall.

“What muh-movie are we watchin’ anyway?” Toby tilted his head, smiling down at you with an uncharacteristically boyish charm.

Your heart fluttered for a split second. “I – uh – picked out some we can choose from.”

You gritted your teeth, annoyed you let yourself be charmed. If only for a moment.

When you finished placing the pizza in the preheated oven, you lazily waved your hand for Toby to follow you to the living room.

The man was constantly at your heels, occasionally bumping into your body and muttering a quick “sorry” under his breath. You would’ve assumed it was an accident if it hadn’t been for the few times his hand lightly grazed your ass. Even when he wasn’t putting on his little “clumsy” façade, you could still feel him raking in your entire shape.

It was terrible.

On the coffee table, there were four movies you had laid out as options. ‘Alien’, ‘The Shining’, ‘The Evil Dead’, and ‘Hellraiser’.

“Any pique your interest? We can always watch something else; I’ve got plenty more options. I just figured we could start with some classics.”

Toby scanned the cover art of each case, twitching fingers turning them over, pausing on some of the more disturbing pictures on them.

“Hmmm… Huh-how about Hellraiser?” He glanced over at you with uncertainty.

You grabbed the movie beaming, “Great choice! The special effects are incredible in this one, Bob Keen is an amazing designer.” Putting on your best Pinhead impression, you added “We'll tear your soul apart!”

He looked at you confused but seemed entertained by your cartoonish attempt to sound intimidating.

“Pinhead? From the movie?” You felt your cheeks warm up.

He snorted. “I duh-don’t know what that is. But it sounds cool.”

Rubbing the back of your head, you shrugged. “Well, you’re in luck I guess… you’ll get to see the guy soon enough. I don’t exactly do the character any justice.”

“Suh-sooo… How bloody is this movie?” Toby asked.

You raised a brow, the way he said the question was weird. “I mean… there’s a lot, and it can be unnerving for most people…”

He put a hand on your shoulder, squeezing slightly. You flinched.

“Wuh-well… if I get scared, promise you’ll comfort me?”

Okay… gross.

You were going to pretend it was a joke, even though you knew it wasn’t.

You looked up at him with a fake overly enthusiastic grin, “Nope!”

Quickly opening the DVD player, you place the movie in the slot. Sitting on the couch with a bag of chips, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket, the weight of the couch shifted as Toby joined you.

************************************

He was too close.

It was fifteen minutes into the movie, and the whole time Toby had slowly inched closer.

His breath was heavy, shoulder pressing into yours. It was obvious his face was completely flushed; the sickly gray paleness of his skin wasn’t hiding it.

Every time he made contact with your skin his body reacted like he had run a marathon, with loud panting and red cheeks.

Under the blanket you shared, you could feel his clammy hand twitching for a touch. Once in a while he’d graze a finger on your thigh, knee, or hand.

He was always moving like he couldn’t sit still. You had a couple guesses as to why. It’s not like you were born yesterday. But it still made you nauseous to think about.

All you wanted was to watch this damn movie in peace and Toby clearly had other things on his mind.

Plus, the many attempts you made to create some distance between the two of you proved pointless. Toby would instantly ‘adjust’ his position to close the gap again. It was like fighting a losing battle.

You didn’t even know what was happening in the plot right now. The only reason you could piece things together was that you’ve seen the movie before.

His hand started making another daring journey for a part of your body. Toby once again ‘adjusting’, you could feel the tips of his fingers make their way slowly towards your ass. Of course. At this point nothing surprised you.

Ding!

The timer in the kitchen went off.

The pizza was done.

Thank God.

“Dinner’s ready!” You shot up from your seat, pausing the moving, feeling grateful to finally have room to breathe. To not have Toby’s hands swarming all over you.

As you almost sprinted to the oven, the man of the hour didn’t hesitate to trail behind. Like he was attached to your hip.

Cutting the pizza, you could feel him observing you with every movement. Looking over your shoulder and taking a step closer whenever he felt like you wouldn’t notice. You always did.

You set two slices on plates and turned around to give him his food.

He immediately tried to grab it, but his arm unexpectedly jerked to the side, instead knocking it out of your hands, ceramic scattering all over.

“FUCK!”

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I’m suh-sorry!”

Toby yelled in frustration.

You jumped, trying to move away as you witnessed his outburst. What the fuck was happening?

He pulled painfully tight on the ends of his hair. Completely freaking out with a disturbing amount of anger.

It wasn’t directed at you, but it was still frightening. You were alone with a 6-foot-something man that was flipping the hell out. Over something so trivial too.

“I-it’s okay Toby! Really!” You tried to calm him down.

But it was like he couldn’t hear you. Toby continued to glare down at the mess, tearing at his scalp.

What was someone supposed to do in a situation like this?

You knew you had to do something.

Carefully, you placed your hands over his.

God, you hoped this would work. It felt weird to touch him, but you’d try anything to not have to watch someone hurt themselves.

Feeling your fingers delicately wrap around his, Toby stopped. His gaze met yours, and you were taken aback by the dreamy expression he looked at you with. It was like his emotions did a complete 180. It concerned you, realizing that at any moment he could have another intense reaction to something that was normal.

And did he misinterpret your intentions? All you were trying to do was make him stop pulling out his hair. But he looked at you with such passion now. It almost felt predatory if you were being completely honest.

With his body now relaxing, he let out a shaky sigh. “I guh-guess I overreacted, huh?”

Understatement of the year.

“Yeah, I guess. I thought you were going to make yourself bald.” Maybe if you made light of the situation, you could just get this evening over with.

You prepared him a new slice, this time grabbing both plates, and walked back to the living room.

*******************************

Every time he took a bite his bandage moved, the greasy food loosening the adhesive that kept it in place. It started to slide up, a visible redness underneath.

You couldn’t help but stare.

Thank God he didn’t notice.

Toby was fully focused on the movie now that the plot had begun picking up the pace. Especially when the Cenobites appeared. But his reactions were disappointing. He never jumped or looked afraid the entire time. Hell, you would even settle for a small look of disgust when a body got ripped to shreds.

In fact, he had the complete opposite response. He laughed or snickered when someone was hurt. It was kind of off-putting. Sure, it wasn’t uncommon for you and your friends to joke around while watching scary movies, but this was different. What he was doing didn’t feel like a joke.

Saying things like “Take that fucker!” When one of Julia’s victims she lured into her house with the promise of sex got their head caved in with a hammer. Then making a joke about how she “nailed” him.

Or grinning and laughing like a maniac when the Cenobite’s hooks tore through a person. He even chuckled when the final girl Kristy cried over the death of her father.

It wasn’t in good fun.

Luckily, the movie was down to the last 20 minutes. Even if you ignored the content of Toby’s words, the fact that he kept interrupting and talking through the whole movie made it hard to enjoy. It was like he was totally unsympathetic.

This had been one big mistake on your part, and now you just wanted to go to bed.

Toby shifted in his seat, arm slowly slithering its way around the back of your neck.

Your breath hitched. Not again.

This was way more forward than he had been before.

Was he seriously making a move on you?

You felt paralyzed as his arm settled around your shoulders. His hand gripped your side tightly, bringing you closer.

This was bad.

Maybe if you waited a little longer, he would stop once the movie finished. So, your plan was to concentrate hard on the TV and refuse to acknowledge the situation. Stupid, but it might work.

Toby twisted his head fully in your direction.

He wanted you to look at him. This wasn’t a side glance hoping you wouldn’t notice like he had been doing the whole night. No, he was intentionally letting you know his focus was now on you and you alone.

You weren’t falling for his little trap. Absolutely not.

However, when you still didn’t face him, his fingers glided up more on your waist, grip settling on the side of your chest.

Before getting time to process the change, his hand started massaging your breast.

Your eyes widened.

Oh shit.

You swiftly turned, at last getting a full look at how red the man was. His eyes lidded and mouth parted slightly.

“Toby, please sto-“

He lunged forward.

No warning.

Mouth crashing into yours in desperation.

On your back, arms pinned above your head, you tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

But he didn’t notice. Or didn’t care. He was too preoccupied trying to shove his tongue down your throat.

The warm muscle twisting and exploring every surface of your mouth. His saliva mixed with yours. It tasted like blood.

You felt sick.

The cotton texture of his bandage rubbed against your skin as he continued assaulting your lips. The adhesive having no hold left on his skin, it finally slipped off.

Skin textured and flaky, scabs and blood-encrusted tissue. All leading to the gaping tear on his face, you could see the back of his molars and his tongue lapping against the side of his mouth.

You let out a muffled scream.

In a frenzy, you bit down on his tongue as hard as you could. He didn’t flinch, instead, he furrowed his brows and slowly released his lips from yours. Shit, he must have one hell of a high pain tolerance.

You gasped for air. Visibly shaking, tears starting to form in the corners of your eyes.

Toby’s body hovered over yours, perplexed by your current state. As if he was oblivious to what he just subjected you to.

It brought back too many memories. That feeling of powerlessness. Knowing that you had been physically incapable of stopping him. Anger raged through your system. All you could think about was decking him.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

You shouted, despite knowing how unpredictable the man in front of you was. But you couldn’t help it. This wasn’t just about Toby anymore. Or even his horrifying scar, although that had certainly not helped.

At the reminder, your eyes flickered back to that hole in Toby’s cheek. No amount of scary movies or practical effects could ever prepare you for something like this.

That was his face.

This was all real.

A part of you was disgusted by it, another part morbidly curious.

Were you a little desensitized? Probably. But your current outburst wasn’t about that, if anything seeing a person with a wound like that just made you want to take them to a hospital. Or at the bare minimum ask if they were okay.

At this point, it must have dawned on him that his mouth was completely exposed. You’d been glaring at it for a while as you tried to regain your composure.

Toby smacked his hand over the gash mortified. He jumped to his feet and backed away from the couch, shamefully hiding his face.

“FUH-FUCK! I-I….”

He couldn’t get a clear sentence out. His body shook and cracked; it was like every one of his muscles started to spasm at once.

You almost felt pity.

Almost.

This was the last straw. You couldn’t take it. You had been going through enough as it was in your personal life and with all of tonight’s events piling on top of everything, it was too damn much.

Through gritted teeth, you cut off his ramble, “Listen! I don’t give a flying fuck about your face! Sure, is it concerning? Yes! Do I think you should seek medical treatment? Most definitely! But right now I’m fucking livid that you just pounced on me without asking!”

You rose from your seat. You might have been shorter than him, but you didn’t care. You walked right up to the man, looking him dead in the eyes. A reckless move on your part, having far more courage than sense.

“I’ve been really patient with you tonight, Toby. I’ve ignored your outbursts. I tried to ignore your unwanted touches. But I won’t just sit here and pretend that it’s fine for you to pin me down and have your way with me. Fuck that.”

Toby’s body went still. Looking down at you in shock. Probably not expecting a full-on confrontation from you. You had put on an understanding, almost to the point of being a pushover, attitude the entire night. But everyone has their limits.

Toby’s initial surprise didn’t last long before you could see things were about to take a dark turn.

Now his eyes were narrowed, his expression forming into a scowl.

He removed his hand from his face and tilted his chin up, glaring down. Reminding you how much bigger he was in comparison.

Your body screamed at you to back away. A primal instinct letting you know that the thing in front of you was dangerous. A predator. Your senses being proved right all along.

But you didn’t listen now. You refused. You’d let people like him get their way so much in your life, and you had promised to yourself you wouldn’t let that happen again.

Instead, you took a step forward. Challenging him.

If he could act scary, so could you. You may have been smaller, but what the hell did he know about you? You’ve stood up to people his size before, and you’d do it again.

He smirked at this. Finding your act of bravery amusing. But his eyes still held their threatening aura.

“Suh-so… let me get this straight. You’ve just been tolerating me the whole time? Then why were you acting all coy when I tuh-touched you? Why did you hold my hands earlier? And why are you always too shy to look at muh-me? Hmmm?” He batted his lashes, bringing his face towards you condescendingly.

Did he really think he just won the argument?

What a jackass.

This was some grade-A manipulative bullshit, and you weren’t going to stand for it.

“You’re such a fucking prick! Have you ever thought I was just trying to be nice because I was afraid?! No! Of course you wouldn’t! And if I tell you I didn’t want to touch you, you can’t just disagree with me! It’s not up for debate, asshole!” You fumed, hands forming into fists.

Toby raised a brow, opening his mouth to say something.

“No.” You hissed. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

He blinked, seeing you point towards the door. If he stayed any longer, you’d take a swing at him. You hadn’t been this pissed in years.

But it was nothing compared to how Toby’s face contorted in wrath. A glimpse of madness in his eyes you hadn’t seen before.

“Make me.”

It was a growl. Utterly inhuman.

Neither one of you moved.

A beam of light suddenly glared through the windows.

Anne was back.

Toby noticed too and was the first to back away. “All ruh-right. You want me to go? I’ll go.”

He stomped over to the front door, opening it to leave.

But not before turning around one last time.

“You’ll be seeing me again soon, (Y/N).”

[bangtanintotheroom]

Fanservice (M)(Teaser)

• Pairing: Camboy!Taehyung x Viewer!(F)Reader

• Genre: Non-Idol!AU, Smut, Strangers to Lovers

• Rating: 18+

• Words (teaser): 1.2k

• Summary: Every Friday night at 10 PM was dedicated to your favorite camboy. When he hosts a contest and you end up the lucky winner, you’ll have to brace yourself for your unexpected debut.

• Warnings/themes: explicit sexual content, sex work, exhibitionism, camshows, masturbation (m. and f.), filmed sex acts (consensual), swearing, dirty talk, use of sex toys, reader is lowkey a Tae fangirl (who wouldn’t be lol), discussion of consent and rules, performance anxiety, soft dom!Taehyung, breast play, TAECONDA 🗣, handjobs, spitting, oral (m. and f. receiving), gagging, deep throating, fingering, squirting, size kink, unprotected sex (both parties are tested and safe but WRAP IT UP PEEPS), multiple positions, spanking, come play, creampie, slight degradation, multiple orgasms, lots of sexual tension 🥵

• Song Inspo: Cyber Sex - Doja Cat (Spotify | Soundcloud) Ayo Technology - 50 Cent (Spotify | Soundcloud)

• Notes: Big dick Tae go brrrrr 🤪 *ahem* forgive me, I had a moment of weakness. Anyways, this is for the “camshow” square for @bangtanwritingbingo​! I’ve been super excited to delve into this one since I received my card but I couldn’t decide who to use...until I saw THIS pic of Taetae that just screams tease 🤧 had to do some research about cammers for this and found out some fun and interesting things along the way so please enjoy and remember to support your local sex workers! 👍🏾

• Teaser Notes: Teasers are a WIP and will not fully reflect the final draft, warnings and themes are subject to change. If you want to be tagged when the final draft is released, either leave a reply or shoot me an ask!

“T-Thank you dom_chungha...”

Taehyung frowned lightly at the tremble in your voice, seeing the way you were fidgeting as well. Seems like you weren’t as relaxed as you made yourself out to be.

There was no way you would be able to do the show like this.

Taehyung interjected whenever a question was directed to him, coming up with a plan while he watched you continue to acknowledge and speak to the chat. But after a couple of minutes, his idea came to fruition, leading him to rest a hand on your forearm (and blinking at how you damn near jumped out of your skin at the contact).

“Y/N.”

You turned your head and gave him an unsteady smile. “Y-Yes?”

Humming softly at your expression, he scooted back a bit on the edge of the bed before spreading his legs further to pat the space between them. “Why don’t you come sit here? Might be more comfortable, no?”

Your eyes nearly bugged out at his offer, the sweet smile on his face completely inappropriate for the situation. But it was so tempting to give in and judging by the way his head tilted, it looked like he had a motive behind it. So you nodded slowly, getting up only to plant your bottom in the designated spot. As soon as you sat down, Taehyung held your upper arms and gently pulled your body back to rest against his, leaning down to whisper in your ear when he felt you tense up further.

“Relax, Y/N.” His hands started rubbing on your bare skin, goosebumps forming from the heated touch. “Just breathe. Pretend it’s me and you, no one else.”

Giving him a subtle nod, you continued to lounge against him, finding the firmness and warmth of his figure to be comforting. You weren’t sure if it was his words, the way he delivered them in his bassy voice or his touch but you found the uneasiness in your body ebbing away after some time. Almost like you were sitting in front of a giant teddy bear. The thought nearly made you giggle.

Now that you were distracted from your nerves, you went back to reading the comments popping up in the chat. You spotted a familiar username on the screen, lips twitching at what they typed out.

“Aw, sorry babyJ13, maybe next time you’ll win. I’ll be rooting for you!”

Taehyung’s own lips curled as your voice sounded less shaky now. Peeking on the screen again, he chuckled at the same person sending another message, complete with puppy eye emojis at the end. “Yeah? You think Y/N is a lucky girl, baby?”

You giggled softly at the praise, leaning further into the man behind you. “I certainly feel like one right now.”

With the smile you shot him over your shoulder, Taehyung felt his heart skip a bit and a heat beginning to rush down south. It was so much nicer to see confidence on your face rather than uncertainty. Maybe he could start to take baby steps towards his end goal now...

Licking his lips, he rested his chin on your shoulder, hands still working on your arms. “Do you?”

“Mhm...it didn’t sink in until this morning that I get to do this with you. I was nervous all day but I prepared as best as I could.”

“Oh? What did you do?”

You looked up in thought, tapping your foot on the wooden floor. “I made a nice breakfast, exercised a bit, took a nice, long shower before I came here...just whatever would help me relax.”

Taehyung nodded, ready to move on until he noticed that you seemed to have more to say but held your tongue. “Is that all?”

Out of habit, you withheld the last bit of info that made up your routine. But then you looked back at Taehyung and spotted those chocolate brown eyes giving you gentle encouragement. The last bit of your walls were coming down, thanks to this man; the least you could do was be completely honest with him.

“...no, that’s not all.”

With a raise of his brow, you wet your dry lips and continued speaking. “Well...ever since I woke up this morning...I’ve been touching myself.”

Taehyung’s breath hitched at the admission as he fought to keep his hips steady. “Yeah?”

You looked completely into his eyes. “Yeah. But I never let myself come...wanted to work myself up and save it for you, V. I’m sure you won’t disappoint me, right?”

The undercurrent of a challenge in your question and your gaze made his cock twinge, his grip on you tightening a mite as he pulled his bottom lip under his top teeth.

“I won’t. I aim to please all of my fans.”

You had temporarily forgotten about the audience that was present until he said that, your back straightening up a little as some of your anxiety returned. Taehyung frowned as he noticed this, cursing himself for being the cause. Wanting to get you calm again, he lowered his voice some more, tilting his chin down to look up at you under lowered lids.

“Y/N...how did you do it?”

You blinked, wondering if you heard him wrong. “H-Huh?”

“I said, how did you do it? How did you touch yourself?” He leaned in close, the tip of his nose close to touching yours as he husked, “I want...no, I need to know.”

Just when you thought your panties had a little more time to stay somewhat dry, he just had to do that. Who were you kidding, though? You had been wet practically all day but the second you stepped into Taehyung’s house, your arousal had increased to an all-time high. Your poor underwear had no chance of surviving today.

Swallowing the spit that had been gathering, you bit your lip, doing your best not to look away from his intense gaze. “I...well, usually I use a couple of toys and my hands but...I didn’t want to get carried away so I just stuck with hands.”

“Huh...” Taehyung tilted his head, lips peeling back to allow his white teeth to peek out. “Do you mind giving me a play by play, baby?”

Your mouth popped open at his request, that smirk of his never fading, even as you gaped at him. Did he really just ask you to play with yourself in front of him? In front of thousands of viewers? Surprisingly, the thought wasn’t too intimidating. If he could do it weekly with no hesitation, why couldn’t you indulge just this once? No one in your personal life would know that you did such a thing (except for Jules but she hadn’t watched the show in months and made no indication that she was starting back up) and the only information the chat knew about you was your face and username. Plus the room was dimmed and shrouded in purple lighting, hiding most of your features that would make you recognizable in public...

Fuck it.

©bangtanintotheroom, 2022. Do not repost to other sites or copy without permission.

[tittyblade]

tumblr etiquette 101

a list that is nowhere near exhaustive, from yours truly.

First off, welcome! Whether you’re a twitter veteran looking for anything but whatever twitter is, or a new user just done signing up, glad to see you in our ranks beloveds! Welcome home. Refer to this quick tour to make sure your fandom experience (or tumblr experience in general) is a positive one!

Disclaimer: I know it’s long, but please try to read or skim through til the end if you’re new here! This is by no means meant to be a rule book (for the most part lol), only a guide to help you get settled easier!

1) Your blog

This is where people will see and interact with you, so put some effort into it!

Try to choose a name (url) that’s simple. You can see it as your brand, it’s how people will perceive you and remember you. If you’d like to interact with other users here (and not use the site just for the content) it’s better to have something short and sweet, preferably without spaces. (Of course, these are only suggestions.) Rest assured, you can change it literally any time you want.

Have a theme. Utilize the tool that lets you edit your blog’s color or the font of your bio! You can make it match your profile picture, or your blog if it has a theme of its own. Make it feel homey :]

Fill in your bio. People will be checking out your profile probably more often than you think. Don’t leave it empty! Put in any information you’re comfortable with sharing and isn’t too personal (like your age if you’re a minor, or other TMI that can be found on other people’s carrds). It’s always better to add a name/nickname people can use to refer to you by, but feel free to use your blog description to shitpost still.

You can have an intro post. More often than not, you’ll see a blog have a pinned post, a post permanently appearing at the top of a blog until you pin another post or unpin it. You can make one of those, if you’d like to introduce yourself in more length, link any other socials or a carrd, and show others visiting your blog how you tag things so it’ll be easy for them to navigate. Not an obligation.

Keep your anonymity and your safety. It should go without saying, but there’s no harm in repeating it just in case. Your comfort, privacy and safety has the utmost importance. Don’t share any information you don’t want to. Don’t share your age if you’re a minor, or any other incredibly personal info. I’d encourage you to go by a nickname that’s not your real name, (blog name, your brand, remember?) since there’s safety in anonymity, and that’s lowkey one of the big deals of tumblr, but that’s up to you still.

Choose what you want to be visible. Your liked posts and who you follow are all things you can set to keep to yourself and hide from the publics eye, how handy! You should go through all the setting while you’re at it, set it to your comfort.

Side blogs are a thing. You can have multiple blogs that you can use for different things (see: different fandoms, art blog, etc) to keep them organized or away from your followers. Just remember that the replies and off-anon asks you send will be from your main blog, as well as where you follow other blogs from.

2) Interacting with others

You’ve set up your account, now comes the fun part!

Follow to your heart’s desire. If you care about others seeing who you follow, fear not! In tumblr, usually only two types of blogs keep their following visible to others: newbies, and big blogs using it to point people on other good blogs’ direction. Just turn it off, and go ham following people.

Customize your dashboard. Gonna mention just two things here: this is another reason why it’s really important that you follow blogs without sparing, your dash will collect dust otherwise; and you should turn off “best stuff first” in your dashboard settings, to have a better community here and all.

Follow tags. You can set it in your settings that posts with your followed tags appear on your dashboard.

You can check the og post for edits and context. When you see a reblogged post you don’t understand the context of (or don’t recognize the character in case of fanarts), click on the profile so it will take you to the original post. From there you can check the original poster’s tags to get the context, or see if there have been any edits made to the post, since when you edit a post it doesn’t update any past reblogs.

Send people asks... This is how you make mutuals, people! Do it off-anon if you’d like them to know your blog, or anon if you’d rather not! (You can still end your messages with a signature to show you’re the same person, -[name] is one example.) Send them nice messages, ask their opinion on something, discuss things, or just straight up shitpost lol. Go wild. The sky’s your limit and it’s definitely more than 280 characters.

...and let them ask you! You can set your preference in the settings, do it on desktop tumblr to access more settings tho! What you can customize on mobile is limited (like letting people ask you things anonymously, that’s only on desktop settings). In my personal opinion, it’s always better to tag their username (or a nickname you give them, if they’re a friend) on that post, since you wouldn’t want your interactions with your friends to get buried in your blog forever.

Comment on posts. If you have something to say but don’t want the post to appear on your blog you can add a comment. The owner of the post will get a notif for it, but for anyone else you need to tag them.

For the love of god, reblog. People will only see your liked posts if you have it visible to public and they specifically go on your blog to look at them. You like something? You reblog. It’s already hard for posts to circulate properly, if you don’t reblog them literally no one will see them. If not for anything do it for the artists. Just hold and drag on mobile to fast rb.

3) Your Posts

Finally here! Don’t be a lurker, post and engage!

Make use of “read more”. If your post is long, add it. That’s what you clicked on earlier to expand this post. On desktop leave an empty line and you’ll see three dots appear, and on mobile type :readmore: on that empty line.

Draft a post to come back to it later. Pretty self explanatory.

Queue your post. Whether it’s your own post or you’re reblogging, make use of the queue feature to a) not spam reblog and fill up the dashboard of people following you and b) keep your blog active while you’re gone. Mess around in the settings, it’s fairly easy to set up.

Schedule your post. Same as queueing, the only difference is you get to choose the exact time your post will go up. Handy if you want to schedule a post for certain dates like april fools, or 5 years in the future for some reason. 

Format your texts. You can do all kinds of fancy stuff here (that’s a link, try pressing on it). Twitter doesn’t have this, make use of it. Changes depending on whether you’re on mobile or desktop. (Desktop has less features.)

Check your stats. If you’re trying to understand the algorithm better or want to look at some pretty graphs you can get your data on that on desktop tumblr.

@ people in comments. You’ll get all the notifs when people comment on your posts but they won’t see your reply unless you tag them in your message.

4) Tags, and tagging a post

This is where my earlier statement “this isn’t a rule book” stops being applicable. It’s not a war crime to go against these, I won’t come chasing you (don’t take my word for this) but you’ll work up a bad rep. Just saying lol.

Do NOT crosstag posts. It’s really tempting to add unrelated tags to increase your posts’ interaction, I know, but that’s not what tumblr is about. Don’t be a dick and make other communities’ experience worse for them.

Always tag your posts with “crit/critical/discourse/etc” if it calls for it. There’s no exceptions to it. This is the reason you see people migrating to tumblr. Let people enjoy things.

Don’t main tag a critical/negative post. If your crit post is about “Thing”, you add the “Thing critical” tag, but not the “Thing” tag. People block crit tags if they don’t want to see it, don’t shove it in their faces by main tagging it. 

If you don’t want to see something, just block it. Another reason why people are able to survive on tumblr. You don’t start discourse, you don’t make call-outs, you block. You can find something for every community you can think of if you go looking for it. The worst of the worst probably won’t ever appear on your dash, but if you’re worried or feel the need for it, you know where the block button is.

Feel free to shitpost or ramble. More often than not you’ll see people rb a post with a comment, and their elaboration will be in the tags. The tags are only visible on your profile and the notifications of the owner of the og blog. Just a thing people do.

Reblog artists’ posts with nice comments in the tags! Commenting on a drawing is usually done through the tags (Not an obligation, again, just a thing people do. Feel free to add your comment on the rb itself if you’d want other people to see it tho!) and leave nice messages for the artists! It’s a win-win for everyone involved. 

If you have more than a single follower, always use the common tw warning tags. You don’t need to tw everything, but tw’ing some common things is the bare minimum human decency. Keep it safe for others. 

Tag a post “long post” if it’s really long. Pretty self explanatory. Don’t make people scroll through all that please lol. 

You can use them to organize your blog. This is more of a pro tip, if you’d like to not miss a post in your blog, cause they will start pilin’ up soon enough.

#Liveblogging is pretty fun. If you’d like to talk to people during streams, don’t forget to add the relevant tags still! Again, you won’t show up on people’s dash otherwise.

Whew! That got out of hand. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Check out blogs like @heritageposts and @hellsite-hall-of-fame to honor our past o7. @mcytblr-hall-of-fame too maybe :eyes:. Anyways, don’t forget the most important rule of them all:

Enjoy your stay! You’re meant to have fun on here while also making friends (if that’s your thing). Just be kind and respectful of others, you’ll get the hang of the rest! <3

[onlyswan]

love rush | jjk

→ pairing: jungkook x f!reader

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ warnings: unprotected sex (plz wrap it up cmon), they fuck against the wall, soft!dom jk ? hairpulling, spitting . . . also if you hate cats ?

→ word count: 2.3k

↳ gold rush | love rush | sugar rush | adrenaline rush | zest rush

can be stand alone but to understand their relationship more read gold rush first <3

summary: jungkook will do anything to keep you safe and happy. also, he’s a needy fucker.

note: i jus looove this couple sm and ideas have been ~forming~ in my head for the past few days. felt like writing some fluff for them,,, for now LOL another part is sitting in my drafts looks around

~*~

jungkook’s pouts go unnoticed by you as an avengers movie plays in the television. suffice to say, you aren’t really paying attention. last night, you found a really adorable game while scrolling through indie games in the app store. those are the kind of games you like, really. they’re fairly easy, has simple yet pleasing graphics, and didn’t involve cursing out other people through a microphone like your boyfriend does during his free time. you get why people enjoy that though, having gone through a phase as well years ago. but these days you just want peace and quiet. with your town of little, needy cats.

you claimed to be feeling under the weather yesterday. fatigue was eating away at your bones and you could really use a back massage and some hot chocolate. and so, he went over to stay for the rest of week wanting to tend to you. the first time he stayed over at your place, you made it clear that you will never cook and slave away at the kitchen for a man, to which he countered with an ‘are you sure you’re not just using that to cover for your poor cooking skills?’ but there was no skills to be covered as you never took the liberty to learn anyway. you don’t like cleaning very much, but the satisfaction with how your place looked after makes up for it. therefore, you don’t have any problems with having jungkook stay for however long he wants.

“how is your shelf almost full already?” was the first thing that came out of his mouth when he situated himself on the couch about two hours ago.

“i found two books in my closet. i also bought two a few days ago.” you answered, pulling your knees to your chest and leaning on his side. he chuckled and put an arm around you, kissing your temple.

“have you even read the one from last week?”

“which one?” you wondered out loud.

well, shit.

“what do you mean which one?”

you let out a nervous laugh and made a very sad attempt. “oh, yes. the romance-fantasy. i ended up liking the villain a little too much. 7/10.”

he pulled away a little to look at your evidently perfidious expression. “baby, the book i bought you was about outer space.”

his eyebrows raised, poking at your cheek with his index finger. you instantly felt your face become warm. so dumb. of course, he remembers.

you avoided his eyes and said quietly, “okay, fine. i haven’t read it yet. it’s so pretty, i feel like i’m bound to ruin it.”

she is so adorable. jungkook’s heart swelled with affection. he smiled sweetly, showing off his perfect teeth before planting a kiss on your cheek.

“don’t worry about that. just don’t leave it on the floor, baby. it’s hardbound, isn’t it? i don’t want you breaking your ankle or hitting your pretty head.”

you winced at the memories of you tripping over your books. you expected him to laugh before helping. like that time you landed on your ass at the ice rink, but he got genuinely scared and worried and he has never let go of it since.

“okay, i love you.” you made sure to look into his eyes while saying it. each time, you just have to.

most days, you can’t believe you’re with such a wonderful person. you finally found someone who loved you and respected you at the same time. it’s the little things he does, the thoughtful and loving words that come out of his mouth without hesitation. you have never felt safety and reassurance in a relationship. not like this. it was never like this. it made you want to beat yourself up for ever settling for less, but then you realize your past mistakes have led you to find the last train and ultimately, jungkook. what’s done is done, you decided. all that matters is that you are happy now.

back to the present. you two finished dinner the first twenty minutes of thor ragnarok. he searched up a new pasta recipe and was excited to cook it for you. it was delicious, to no surprise. the man made it his mission to appeal to your tastebuds, and that he did. he pays attention to things you like and dislike, knowledge proving itself useful during times like this. it’s the least i can do, he thinks to himself. you really don’t give yourself enough credit, he would often say to you. there’s nothing he can do to change your past, but he will damn sure do everything he can to make you happy in the now. he can’t take your pain away, but if there’s anything he can do to alleviate it to the slightest, he will make it happen.

he wants your attention. desperately. during movie nights, you are usually cuddled very close to him and making silly little comments on what’s happening in the screen whether it be a psychological thriller or romance film. but not today. your head is leaning on his shoulder and your arm is around his, his hand settled on your exposed thigh, but you are focused on building your silly little town of silly little cats.

“hello, my baby, my everything.” he tries to get your attention, pulling away to slightly shake you. “why aren’t you watching? do you wanna watch something else?”

“huh? why? i like this one.” you briefly look at him before paying attention to your phone again, clicking on fishes that will buy you another cat.

you heave a sigh when mimi asks to play hide-and-seek again. my eyesight is bad, mimi. this is rude. you dart around your screen for a few seconds until you notice its tail peeking out of one of the trees. nuri, then, wants to play rock-paper-scissors. you both pick paper.

“i said you’re not watching. what even is this game?” he places his chin on top of your shoulder, observing your screen.

he lets out a scoff.

“baby, they won’t die if you leave them alone for the rest of the night.” he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls on his lap. “pleaseee,”

you roll your eyes at your needy boyfriend. “and what? you will die if i leave you alone for the rest of the night?” you raise your eyebrows at him.

he eagerly nods at your question.

“never leave me alone. i’ll miss you and i will die.”

how he can manage to keep a serious expression while saying such ridiculous words is beyond you.

“jeon jungkook, you are the most dramatic person ever.” you cry out, slapping his chest. he finally cracks up, his laughter vibrating off his body. his breath tickles your neck, making you squirm away.

since you feel bad for ignoring him and the movie for the past hour, you decide to give up on your game for tonight. “alright, i’m sorry, baby. i’ll just go pee and after this you pick another movie, okay?” you kiss his cheek.

he flashes you his beautiful smile and nods, seeming to like the idea of getting to pick the next movie. you toss your phone to the side and head for the bathroom.

meanwhile, jungkook takes your phone in curiosity before grabbing a pack of gummy bears from the table and popping a few in his mouth. he explores what you have made so far. he finds a brown cat named stella all laid out on top of some observatory, which he thinks is adorable. he also plays hide-and-seek with pepper. he had a bit of a hard time, darting all over the screen until he notices its head peaking out with twenty seven seconds left in the timer. he also unconsciously smiles triumphantly when he wins rock against scissors with sniffy.

he quickly turns it off when he hears the bathroom door close, reverting his eyes back to the television. you sit beside him and place your legs over his lap, snuggling close to his chest. he smells like fresh laundry and vanilla and the watermelon shampoo you own. and you’re grateful for tranquil moments like this, when having one person by your side feels as if you can never ask for anything more from the universe because it finally led you to what you’ve always longed for, but thought was greedy and impossible. happiness and contentment.

~*~

“oh my god,” your eyes roll to the back of your head, holding on to your boyfriend for dear life as he fucks into you as if he’s getting paid for it and the rent is due tomorrow moaning. you moan his name like a broken mantra. you are sensitive as hell. he made you cum twice on the couch and then carried you to the bedroom, and you were hoping to finally at least lay down on your soft matress. on your silk pillowcases. but no, your questionable boyfriend decided to do a questionable thing and is now pounding you against your bedroom wall. concerned for my health, my ass.

“i fucking hate you,” you cry out, his pelvis grinding against your clit making you tense up and your toes curl. “god! fucking hell, so good. so good.”

he is bouncing you up and down like you weighed nothing, even having the audacity to suck all over your neck and chest. you grab a handful of his hair, tugging his head towards you before smashing your lips against his. your tongues chase one another, making for a sloppy kiss. you bite his bottom lip and slightly tug on it before having to let go to moan.

“oh, shut up. you fucking love me,” he smirks against your mouth, moving his hips harder as if to prove his point. the lewd sounds of your wetness and his balls slapping against your ass only drive him further. he looks down at where the two of you are connected. if it is impossible, he just became hornier. the sight is majestic to him, watching you take all of his dick, completely covered in your juices. on the other hand, you notice where his gaze went. that further spurs your arousal and your walls flutter around his big cock, making him choke out a series of curses. “holy fucking shit, baby. so fucking tight. don’t want to let me go, huh?”

“no, don’t want to,” you answer incoherently, wrapping your arms around his neck. you whimper pathetically, tears gathering at the corner of your eyes as you tremble in pleasure in his arms.

he presses kisses on your ear, nibbling on your earlobe. you are hyperaware of every sensation in your body, your mind in a haze.

“i’m gonna cum. fuck, so close. please.” you whine, tears of euphoria spilling.

“yeah, baby? gonna cum for me again?” he eggs you on, adjusting the way he’s holding you before he’s pounding into you roughly against the wall, just the way you like it. you scream, your fear of falling from before melting away as you near your climax.

he tugs at your hair and levels your face to him.

“ah!” you exclaim at the unexpected pain.

“look at me,” upon hearing his domineering voice, you force your heavy lids to open. he is glistening with sweat, toned chest rising up and down. his lips look swollen and red from all the kissing and biting. his damp hair makes him look sexier in your eyes. “open your mouth,”

you are dazed and confused but you obey right away. your eyes widen as he spits in your mouth, feeling the glob of saliva fall on your tongue.

“swallow, baby.”

as if hypnotized, you swallow. you feel your body burn up. you are unbelievably turned on, your brain is unable to form any words. oh my fucking god. this man.

“hmm, fuck. that’s my girl. you’re so fucking hot. are you gonna cum for me?” his words of praises drive you towards the edge. your ears are ringing as you reach the peak of euphoria. jungkook continues to fuck you through your orgasm, soon after he’s coating your walls with his cum. you fall limp into his arms.

“you’re crazy. you’re fucking crazy.” you mutter tiredly against his shoulder, sniffling.

“well, did you like it though?” he brings you over to the bed, collapsing beside you. “liked it a lot,” you admit sheepishly, hiding into your pillow.

“don’t hide from me!” he exlaims with a laugh. he snakes his arm under your neck and pulls your head over his chest. “liked it, too. a lot. you know you can tell me if i do anything that makes you uncomfortable, right?”

he presses a kiss to your temple and looks you in the eyes. he then frowns and wipes away the tears from under your eyes and your cheeks.

“i know, baby. thank you,” you yawn sleepily. “i’m tired now. this is all your fault.”

jungkook snorts at your snappy after sex complaints. nonetheless, he pulls away to do aftercare, which he genuinely enjoys doing.

after cleaning you up, he massages your sore legs. “what’s the name of the game you’re playing?” he asks all of the sudden. his sparkly curious eyes look at you expectantly.

you chuckle at the man before you. asking for the name of a cat game as if he didn’t fuck you against the wall and spit in your mouth not even half an hour ago.

“and why are you asking?”

“i just happened to glance at your phone and thought stella was cute.” jungkook shrugs his shoulders. his hands continue to work on your calves.

“okay, liar. it’s called cats are cute.” you reach over to the nightstand and take his phone.

“what are you doing?”

“i’m downloading the game on your phone.” you answer while typing on the search bar.

“oh, okay.”

~*~

they’re so cute i’m so fucking sad ok gnnn

[felassan]

Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story”

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development