#i don’t know how I’m gonna SLEEP!!!
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The way I was muttering “whereishewhereishewhereishe” under my breath after Ashley mentioned Homelander then squealed and started kicking my feet when I heard him land💀 I’m perpetually in a frenzy for that man
my heart legitimately LEAPT into my throat, I could not stop smiling. it just felt so good to see him again!! that [ Sonic Boom ] popping up made me shriek. I don’t know what I’m gonna DO with myself when s4 drops!!! I missed him!!!!
#the finger wag#the eyebrow quirk before the lasers#i don’t know how I’m gonna SLEEP!!!#ask and you shall receive#darling anon#gen v spoilers#gen v#homelander
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#possum#opossum#y’all are reaping the benefits of my insomnia#a late happy critterland release day to those who celebrate#I feel like there’s something to be said about Camus and being trans#he was like “the only way to deal with existence is to become so truly free your existence is an act of rebellion#and brother my existence is an act of rebellion in my state#a lot of my country and the world rn too#maybe when I’m not sleep deprived#cause I think of this as a joyful thing but don’t know how to articulate it rn#anyway if anyone reads these gage keep it sleepy enjoy this funky fella I’m gonna try to post more often cause I like possums
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literally the easiest way to make someone care about a character and make them feel well-rounded beyond basic traits like personality, sexuality, ethnicity, etc, is to give them an actual character arc, and it’s shocking how many people do not seem to fully realize this
you cannot just cram a bunch of tropes. tropes are not the main event, they are tools to tell the story you wish to tell. emotional impact comes from the lead up, so you can’t just jump ahead and expect the payoff to work. “I want this character to just ___ already!” but they’re not there yet. that’s where the arc comes in - how do they get there?
and! most importantly, and this is something I really want people to think about when writing - the most important relationship your character should have, always, is with the world and society around them. defining your character purely through their interactions with other characters are, I find, how a lot of female characters end up feeling flat or not engaging with the themes as much as the male characters, and also how queer and non-white characters wind up as devices for other characters’ development instead of being more fleshed out
#storyrambles#sorry maybe this comes across a bit passive-aggressive but agh fandom drives me crazy sometimes#I’ve seen some stuff concerning dbda and it’s just#‘why didn’t Edwin just sleep with the cat king’ oh my god. did you watch the show. his repression is literally the crux of his arc#‘I’m fixing the end of the show so that they end up together!’ but they’re not there yet. there’s nothing to fix?#‘they better ___ in season 2 or im gonna be mad about it’ how about we let the story play out. how about we calm down and enjoy the story.#‘I need ___ to kiss right now!!!’ do you even enjoy the story. do you even enjoy these characters.#what is their arc. tell me right now. because I don’t think you actually know.#and I’ve seen lots of posts kind of like this but it’s wild with this show in particular because it’s canonically a queer show#so there is no fear of being led along or of no payoff. what are you freaking out about???#gah. sorry. it just frustrates me.#the most interesting character dynamic will always be - to me anyways - the way they interact with the world around them#and the way society has shaped them and they shape society in turn#and relationships with other characters are reflections of the mentality they have received and adapted from society#just like in real life lol#random thoughts
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As most of you know I try my best to be civil and kind. I’m too exhausted and the world sucks too much for me to go about making other people feel like shit, it’s not really something I see worthy of my or anyone’s time really. I try to keep things positive not only because it might brighten someone else’s day but for my own sake. I curate this space because I know a lot of you feel and experience the same things I do. Do not twist this into me being delusional. I am fully aware the internet can be an unkind place, but that doesn’t mean my blog, my space, has to follow that example.
Be kind, be patient, and be respectful, not that the majority of you haven’t already been doing so. Asks are open again. Anonymous will be turned on again when I feel comfortable.
Apologies to those who used anon because they were nervous/anxious. I completely understand where you’re coming from and this is nothing against you. Regardless I do hope you stick around, and maybe one day work up the courage to be open with me. Or continue to keep your distance, I completely understand that too.
#I feel like#as my following grows sometimes people forget I am indeed a real person#I see that happen a lot with a lot of creators#people end up feeling like they can be disrespectful and unkind just because they can’t see me#but I’m here#I don’t know how much more open I have to be for people to realize I am a person with feelings too#we all are#so maybe just#take a few breathes and relax#I may not say it often but this is a safe space#I’m not gonna bite you or anything#anyone who knows me personally knows just how patient I can be or how I can give kindness beyond what one may deserve#anyway I hope people have a good day/night#high chance I’m just passing out again after posting this because I haven’t been sleeping well again#eat your favorite thing/something yummy for me would you?#I miss sweets and milk
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vector portrait for digital imaging class of RGB!! hey go read The Property of Hate if you haven’t already btw it’s an amazing comic by @modmad that i’ve been hotglued to since my junior year of high school.
big thank you to mod for giving their permission/blessing to wrestle with this horrible tv bastard in adobe illustrator for the express purpose of shilling him and this comic to my unsuspecting class <3
(edit: god okay pls click for fullscreen. hogy shit)
#tpoh#the property of hate#rgb#modmad#there’s a lot more i was planning to do w this but bleeeegggggjhhhh#i don’t own a laptop so i have to do all my hw for this class in the library + i live off-campus + i had office hours that day#7 hours in the library fighting with adobe illustrator on 5 hours of sleep and no food in my body said No You’re Done Now Actually#i have another project coming up that uses this one in it so i’m gonna get to make a diptych of this motherfucker next >:3#tpoh’s been eating my brain again as of late holy hell the hyperfixation clobbered me#what the fuck is my art tag. do i even have an art tag#my art#nox art#there. perfectly serviceable >:p#btw the working file name for this was actually horribletvbastard.ai so . now you know that i guess#yes the halo effect is intentional. no i don’t no how to use adobe illustrate. further questions may be taken outside#anyway THANKS MOD I LOVE YOUR BOY AND YOUR COMIC AND YOUR ART <33333
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Making myself late for work because I’m oh so sleepy and my bed is too cozy to get out of 😴😴😴
#mine#text post#I’m getting up but I don’t wanna#I only work four days this week thank god#but oh boy did we sleep like trash last night#send good vibes and coffee my way#cause I don’t know how I’m gonna survive today without it
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.
#very much so#tell me you where only here cause of the looks without telling me your only here cause of the looks#listen. I miss the old masks already too. that’s not the point.#you can mourn for something without that taking away your joy for it.#‘it’s all moving so fast’ iii has been turning red since July.#‘they’re evolving too fast’ or we just got here later then others.#‘I can’t even listen anymore’ sucks to be you. the music that has been put out hasn’t changed so I don’t understand this one#‘they’re gonna get cancelled over this’ ok. I guess this is just thinning out the people who were real fans and who where fake fans#I’m gonna be a sleep token fan til the end. if this is the way they want their image to go? I’ll follow. if we get heavier music next?#sounds fucking amazing to me. (I listen to heavier stuff anyway).#idk I just think it’s so so so fucking telling. that if your jumping ship cause their Live Performance Aesthetic has changed… you didn’t#mean it when you said sleep token was important to you.#like I’m 100% MOURNING the old masks. I am BMO with Finn’s old hair sobbing about the old masks.#but I know this too shall pass#this is how I fucking felt about Vessel’s mask change#and to everyone going ‘what about Vessel and the Chior!’#1). VESSEL HAD A MASK CHANGE EARLIER THIS YEAR!!! he isn’t gonna change masks again so fast those fuckers r expensive!#2). the choir did have a change?? they wherent wearing robes at all and where in body chains they looked amazing#I get we are all neurodiverse and hate change but take a deep breath before you renounce all your sleep token love#I’m guessing Vessel will get a new mask in April again. for the kick off show.#tonight was a closing show. and he didn’t FEEL GOOD. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he was gonna do something with a new mask#if he pushed it back because he didn’t feel good.#he performed a whole show while we could TELL his throat was hurting. fuck.#I want to wrap him up in a warm hug and give him hot water with honey in it.#idk I’m rambling. it’s just telling.
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have a frank blast bc i’ve been so irregular and i’m so sorry about that.
this weekend and the days prior to it really took it outta me and i wasn’t really really expecting that.
anyway ily all and pls have some franks~🎃
#i’m fucking EXHAUSTED#how can someone be this exhausted for like fucking i don’t know ten days straight#like i know i’ve been averaging like ~3hrs of sleep a night and a crash was eventual#i was kind of hoping it’d be during my weekend with bestie so i could yk be rested#that clearly didn’t happen#anyway tho#frank is always a plus and highlight#so i’m gonna stock the fuck out of my queue while i have the brain power#frnkiebby#frank iero#mcr#mcrmy#frnkiero#my chemical romance#frnkie#my chem#ilhsm
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Curious to know what you all think Leander’s fatal flaw is bc I wanna have a discussion..
I’ll start.
(he either kills people or eats them I’m just saying!!!)
#I’m explaining more in the tags bc I don’t feel like being grammatically correct#idc how wild I wanna hear it#bc my idea is wild#hear me out !!!#apparently he sleeps around a lot#what if he kills the people he sleeps with and that’s what gives him his power ???#creation through destruction?? idk I feel like his dagger earring and his actual dagger isn’t just there for decoration babes#also you know how sweet little personality that’s just a ploy to gain people’s trust wear them down and either have them join his cult#or sacrifice themselves through being killed and eaten ???#does he eat hearts ?????? like ?#it’s gonna take way more than being a cult leader to turn me off from him#LETS DISCUSS#touchstarved#Leander#touchstarved game#not litg#touchstarved Leander#mine
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I’m sorry WHAT THE FUCK
#i’m actually heartbroken#truly#I was so excited for what was to come#and unless they pull a bait and switch for the next few episodes I’m not talking about this show#it was fun as it lasted I guess#the world is going to shit#the biphobia was showing and everything sucks#I don’t even know how I’m gonna sleep tonight#this sucks#also those fans will be so insufferable it’s going to be unbearable#I think I’ll step away from this fandom for the time being#the choices made were bad and I hate it#911#bucktommy#911 abc#tevan
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I think I realized how severely humor infects all spaces when I witnessed two of my coworkers at the neuro clinic I’m interning at laughing at putting in a patient as deceased
#It wasn’t because the patient was dead it was because of an error the system did or something#But even joking about it in that context is fucking weird to me#I thought death would be the only thing humor couldn’t touch#Especially in the context of FTD which is a very aggressive dementia#I don’t think they’re bad people but I do think they’re weird as fuck for that#And if it were me I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing I made that kind of joke#I don’t mean to be a buzzkill but I have my limits and wtf was that#I didn’t say anything I just pretended to be engrossed in my paperwork#The neurologist I’m shadowing wasn’t present#And while I do think she’s a little too robotic when dealing w patients I don’t think she’d have been in on that joke#Just odd idk the us healthcare system already has issues but I think a big one I’m starting to see is#How desensitized the healthcare workers get#Where’s your heart#I love medicine for the humanism of it I don’t wanna become like this one day#I know some people are gonna tell me it’s Just Two Coworkers Being Silly#But can’t they be silly about something else
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I hope Jorge keeps the streams up until the next live stream like he did with the last Saga.
I had trouble getting into Epic: The Musical without the visual aid of the animatics as visuals help me absorb the material. I kinda wish he would upload each song with the lyrics and animatics in them instead of just the animatics by themselves without the full song, but maybe that’s just me. I’m an audio and visual gal otherwise I have trouble absorbing information. Besides the streams there’s no current way to watch the musical seamlessly with actual visuals and yet it is called a musical. A medium I’ve kinda expected to have visuals by this point, that was my one big criticism going into this series was “so it’s just songs? And I have to watch the script as I listen to know what’s happening? That’s hard to keep up with.”
Though if this is a consistent change going forward of having the full musical with visuals until the next iteration premiers, then great & honestly my only criticisms are a lack of trans voice actors (seemingly but I could be wrong) and a lack of fat characters in the animatics because Aphrodite was fat in her depictions throughout history in the very least. Which I’m not even sure if this counts as a criticism so much as an observation and something that gives me a bit of pause? Again, not series ruining, but just more an observation I guess?
That being said, I’m super excited for the Vengeance Saga tonight! Probably gonna stay up just to watch it! Sleep be damned I wanna see it as it comes out! 💜
Edit: Okay actually not risking tummy issues by napping and can’t stay awake any longer. If I have tummy issues I couldn’t even watch it as it premieres anyway because I’d be fighting for my life in the bathroom. ANYWAY DON’T GO ATTACKING ANYONE INVOLVED WITH THE PROJECT, I WAS JUST MAKING AN OBSERVATION.
#i haven’t looked into any of the voice actors so my bad if I’m wrong about a lack of trans VAs#I’ll edit the post to reflect that if I am#the lack of fat representation is hopefully just the artists not knowing how to draw fat bodies; hope they learn how#you can enjoy a series and still be critical of it like how we don’t endorse Odysseus’ war crimes but he also shouldn’t yknow stay on#calypso’s island left to die all isolated because that’s messed up so we cheer for him to have a way out#‘oh you’re just trying to find things wrong with-‘ I critically engage with bigger fandoms than this stfu please don’t be annoying#go watch the vengeance saga as it premieres if you can lmao hopefully ai moderation doesn’t nuke the stream this time#we’ll see if I can actually stay awake that long; I’m gonna be SCREWED up on sleep though idk we’ll see#yes I know music and theater are two different things but I’ve come to associate musicals with visuals through the cultural concept of them#so I just think personally the visual performance even if it’s a drawing should be more available like it has with this latest live stream#I’m not as good with details in audio only stuff; magnus pod has been one thing where I’ve been okay with it#but you actually miss important stuff if you don’t have the lyrics and script in front of you with this one#or I miss details anyway; idk different series easier to absorb than others and different formats#anyway I’m more tired than I’d like so guess my thoughts end there#mine#op#epic vengeance saga#epic the musical#epic: the musical#epic: vengeance saga
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You are NOT allowed to take naps. Not when things could happen at any moment!
trust me i learned my lesson 😓
#anon#ask#i don’t know how i’m supposed to sleep until we get the trailer#i’m gonna be glued to my phone
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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no I understand, tbh I kinda wish that’s how my special interests work but no they just are Always There even if there’s no active content,,, and I appreciate you saying you won’t abandon it, it’s genuinely kinda upsetting whenever authors do just quit a story without finishing it or at least explaining where they wanted it to go (like don’t get me wrong I understand losing interest but imo if you’ve gotten people invested u kinda owe it to em to give closure)
You had me till the end where I need to remind you I don’t owe anyone anything??? No matter how invested you get I don’t charge for any thing I put on the internet cause I write mostly gay fanfiction for copyrighted properties and do this because it’s fun and I want to share. CDAP if far from my first fic or au to get attention and I am aware of the people who want it to continue. I’ve been in and likely will be in the same boat again but never have I ever had the audacity to think the author or artist owes me more of their work just because I was invested.
I have and will delete fics I’ve written at a moments notice for reason more petty than i just felt like it. I make the habit of keeping up or reposting old work just to track my growth, fandom trends and as a curtesy to those who may want to go back and read it. I have literally thought of deleting it for asks just like this because it’s extremely upsetting to me to have people try to compliment sandwich me with “I love your fic and understand the burnout/lack of interest… but I want to read more so like get over it it’s not fair :/“ CONSTANTLY. Like I don’t clearly have other interests I mention or post about and maybe trying to hound me into focusing on only one may actually make me stray farther from it? If I don’t share anything about it ever again that’s my choice. I don’t need to give an outline for anyone to visualize or the ending.
Never ever try to tell anyone that shares their craft in a fandom that they owe anyone anything not paid for. Like I get the frustration, I really do but this is not the way to go about it. I continuously said on this newer blog and my old one that I would continue the fic when my interest in UTDR came back and gave the vague estimate that would be whenever new official stuff came out for it. It’s not concrete but that was my answer and it’s only changed because you’ve made me certain that I won’t be working on it in the foreseeable future, thank you for the help with the realization 🤟🏾
#the owing really got to me cause why would I owe you anything? I don’t know you there’s no agreement here#I write when I have the time and motivation to write and i choose what to write#like I make it clear in my asks I just don’t want to write about it rn#that I’m not interested and will get back to it when I can like I was into Spamton and dr for a year or so#i was obsessed#obviously I burnt myself out and don’t wanna do anything with UTDR and honestly it’s hard for me to want to in the future cause I can’t#for anyone who knows to read my tags at this point save the fics if you want imma gonna go to sleep and then delete them whenever I get up#cause this right here is exhausting like owe my ass sorry to disappoint dickhead#sorry if this seems like a tantrum to some but like I can’t just sit down and write for something I don’t want to big project or not#had I actually seen this in the morning I would’ve just responded with a screenshot of the deleted fics cause how dare you#like when ao3 comes back im deleting the fics cause im not doing this anymore
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