#I feel like there’s something to be said about Camus and being trans

[whenifeellikeitpossums]

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Urgent!! I'm nonpassing ftm and somehow got assigned to a male-only dorm. How TF do I shower?!?!?!?!

Lee says:

I lived on campus for my freshman and sophomore years of college (I’m currently a junior and my partner and I are renting an apartment off-campus for our junior and senior years). We didn’t live together, but we both were in mixed gender dorms.

Anyway, my partner and I are both trans, and I got an accomodation to have a single for disability reasons (unrelated to being trans) and there were 3 bathrooms in my dorm hall but each was private (ie had only one toilet and one shower and you could lock the door to use it). My partner got accomodations for a semi-private bathroom (which is shared with only one other person).

Some dorms that are single gender-gender still have shower stalls or curtained-off shower areas so you don’t have the open locker room pit showers (those are extremely rare for modern dorm buildings) and that might be something you’re more comfortable with, so investigating what the bathroom looks like might be the first step.

If you do have a certain about of privacy with the shower (ie nobody can see you while you are in the shower) then you can just bring your towel in with you and keep a change of clothes nearby so you can strategically cover yourself.

And I know at some colleges they aren’t having the usual communal shower situation because of covid-19, so it might not be an issue- you should check and see how many people they’re allowing in the bathrooms and showers at the same time!

And you could always try confidently showering in the men’s bathroom in the dorm that you were assigned to (even though you don’t pass as male) if you have some confidence. If you’re worried about being bullied/harassed in the men’s showers because you aren’t passing yet, you could see if you can get a buddy in your dorm to come with you to stand guard and keep you company who will tell guys to back off if they say something.

But if you do have showers that are somewhat exposed or bathrooms that don’t give you enough privacy for your comfort, then you could choose one of these options for housing/showering:

See if you can stay in the dorm room that you are currently living in (if you like living there) but get permission to shower somewhere else in a mixed-gender dorm or women’s dorm

Ask to stay in a men’s only dorm but get an accommodation for a private or semi-private bathroom (on the basis of anxiety/gender dysphoria/being pre-transition)

Do virtual learning from home while you start/continue your medical transition (less convenient?)

Ask to be reassigned to a women’s dorm (not ideal, especially if/when you start passing)

Ask to be reassigned to a mixed-gender/all-gender dorm

See if you can rent an apartment off-campus (less convenient?)

See if you can live in a co-op community on campus if you have one (like housing specifically for LGBTQ people, or science students, etc)

Shower in the sports center or a friend’s dorm (less convenient?)

You could talk about this with:

Whoever is in charge of making dorm assignments (I’d look on the website to see who is in charge of the residence life office)

Your disability services office (if you have one)

The diversity/equity/inclusion office (if you have one)

Your RA (if you’re comfortable disclosing the issue to them!) and see who they suggest contacting

Any other trans students to get their ideas on what other trans students on your campus have done in the past

If your campus has a GSA or other LGBTQIA+ club, contact the club/the club’s presidents and get their tips on how to navigate the situation

Followers, any other personal experiences to share with anon?

Followers say:

she-ra-screenshots-and-memes said: 

Not ideal, but I spent a semester where I'd pack my towels and shower stuff in a bag, walk across camus, shower in a single stall, dry off, get dressed, and then walk back to my room. No one in college will ever think to ask why you're leaving (could be for any reason) and dorms are big enough people will just assume you live down the hall

post-storage-garage said: 

All the dorms I’ve been to (across probably more than 5 or 6 universities in various states) have either private showers in the room or shower stalls in a communal bathroom. I’ve never seen pit showers except maybe in a gym/rec facility? And even then most have stalls with curtains.

I live in a co-ed ROTC dorm, and we have communal bathrooms (normal student dorms here have private bathrooms). I even have to go up a flight of stairs to shower since there are only female bathrooms every other floor. We wear bathrobes, and everyone is fine 👍

meraxes-of-new-albion said:

First off I’m cis so take your grains of salt now, but I was an RA for two years so hopefully I can help:

I would absolutely contact the Residence Life department (or whoever runs the dorms) of your institution. Reslife people tend to be very LGBT+ and very helpful people by nature, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the field of college hospitality. Explain your situation however you feel most comfortable; ask for a single room, a decent roommate, and/or a mixed gender dorm. They should be happy to make the change.

If that falls through, I’d talk to your hall director once you get moved in; RAs can be a bit of a grab bag since they’re typically being RAs for just a year or two to cut down on college costs. HDs, however, do hall director things for a living and have had more training on handling all types of situations, not to mention that they have more power to actually change things for you.

If all else fails, I don’t think any dorm has open locker room type showers; the ones in the single gender dorms at my university had two sections that were closed off by curtains from the rest of the bathroom, so you had a space to change privately, even if it’s cramped. Bring a bathrobe you like and you should be okay!

Feel free to message if you have any questions, I graduated recently so I shouldnt be too out of date.