#i don’t even wanna be mad at them NOW but I still am literally losing sleep from what happened

[meowcentral]

i received an olive branch from someone who really severely broke my heart today and I’m conflicted

[puckpocketed]

i just hate when players do this and people call them “warriors” i know you wanna play in the playoffs to help your team but YOUR FINGERS ARE LITERALLY BROKEN MY GUY THEY COULD NEVER GROW BACK TOGETHER THE RIGHT WAY im crying

my poor cringefail wifes i love them all so much i hope they all take the rest they need

GOD I hope they get rest too :((

breaking soooo much character right now to give my fullest take, and it’s that we can hold multiple ideas in our minds and i don’t think they conflict

playing through injuries is terrible.

They are whole adult human beings and professional athletes who have resources to keep them informed about long term consequences, and they still get to make those choices even if we hate the choices they make. Even if those choices drastically reduce the length of their career. Even if those choices end with long term heath complications.

i might lose some people on this one but i don’t care!! it’s what I believe: being disabled or chronically ill/injured/in pain is not a death sentence. it is not the worst thing in the world. people live full and happy lives whilst also being disabled. can it suck for the person living through it? yes. absolutely. but to me, people are not and never will be defined by how able-bodied they are!!!

All of this is true (to me) and also we can still condemn the circumstances that cause them to make these choices. (culture of not wanting to be seen as soft, the normalisation/valorisation of playing through injury, all the other [gestures wildly] forces at play that set athletes up to make these decisions) Like i’m sorry to get political but choices do not exist in vacuums. sports does not exist separated from hegemonic models of masculinity or capitalism. there are so so so many reasons a player might choose to harm themselves by playing through injury and not all of them are noble or valid, some of them are stupid and informed by bullshit!!! and we should be mad at that bullshit!! because it’s awful!!!!

these are their jobs, and i’m talking in the sense that they are performing labour and i think labour laws and workplace health and safety must apply here too. I think we have to start talking about these things in terms of workers rights, in amongst all of the compassion we have for them as players. there’s the pressure to perform due to contract status and salary bonus milestones; there’s team doctors having direct conflicts of interest, a monetary and cultural incentive to look the other way when clearing people to play; there’s the plain fact of the best possible safety equipment (cages/bowls, neck guards, cut resistant protective gear) not being mandatory; the blatant denial of CTE coming from the league itself. there’s a lot. and it’s a workers rights issue, not just a moral one. someone will play through xyz because of the culture, because of the pressure, and they will die from it.

EVEN STILL. there is beauty and narrative resonance and something compelling about it all, and I don’t want to deny that. as someone looking from the outside in, sports captures people’s hearts because of these narratives. sacrifice and teamwork and triumph — we have an appetite for these things. I am never going to sit here and deny that I feel compelled by it (which is simultaneous to the anger, the fear, the deep deep well of “i’m sorry you have feel you have to do this”) This appetite I/we as a society have for pain — unpacking it and addressing it is a whole other conversation and I am not qualified to have it. I’m just going to acknowledge it exists because I think pretending it doesn’t would be dishonest of me.

we are allowed to feel fucked up about all of this. call it parasocial, call it entitled, call it inappropriate, i don’t know!! we are people and knowing other people are in pain tends to fuck us up — and as much as I try to keep a healthy distance from these celebrities, as much as I remind myself they’re strangers, I care when they’re hurt because I’m human.

anyway. YES OUR POOR CRINGEFAIL WIVES 😭🤲

[elllisaaa]

hello sweetie <3 hope you’re having a wonderful week!!

i would love to hear your thoughts on a question 🙋🏻‍♀️ who in enhypen would ask for permission to cum without you even making them? like they’re so whipped that they easily go submissive for you and do things that you thought you’ll have to ask for, but they end up surprising you… (hope i make sense with this)

hii love ! it's been a little harsh because exams are soon (but we're surviving), hope you'll have a good week too ! well, i hope so with what you sent once more... you know my love for subby men, i couldn't be more happy to answer to that

SIM JAEYUN

jake is first on this list obviously ! this man is so fucking whipped for his girl, it’s not even a question if he’s going to do absolutely whatever you want him to : he will. i see him as a switch, but i think he leans more on the subby side. yes, he’s totally able to fuck you into oblivion if he wants too, but most of the times, you hold the power in the bedroom. no matter if you praise him or degrade him, he loves it.

you can literally ask him anything and he’ll do it. but it comes to a point where you don’t even need to ask anymore, jake is doing it all by himself. when you’re asking him something, he willingly waits until you give your permission to talk. when you ride him, he doesn’t touch you until you allow him to. even when you've been playing with him for the longest time, he’s still asking you permission to cum every single time. 

“please, please, please… i’m so close, please, let me cum…” the moans jake’s letting out are sinful, and they make your panties stick to your core. you smirk down at him, seeing how tears are gathering in the corners of his eyes, how tight his fists are clenching on the sheets. “do you think you’ve earned it ? have you been good ?” he’s quick to nod his head, “yes, please, i’ve been so good for you, please.” - “that’s right, such a good puppy” 

KIM SUNOO

a pillow prince through and through, i’m convinced of that. he loves when you take care of him and he doesn’t have to do anything else but take it. and since he’s extremely sensitive, that makes it even more fun for you. sunoo is reactive to every one of your touches, even the most subtle ones. that’s why it’s so fun to edge him : the more orgasms your refuse him, the more whiny and disinhibited he gets. 

that’s what you need to do to get him to beg for you. he might be sweet but he still has a little bit of an attitude that needs to be tamed. it takes one ruined orgasm for sunoo to lose it all and beg you to let him cum. that’s when he decides to be a little brat, but most of the time, he’s so obedient. when you start to get the ropes or ribbons out to tie him up, he offers his hands out to you without you even needing to ask. but one thing is that he needs to be praised, needs to know he’s doing good for you.

“am i doing good for you ?”, sunoo asks with pleading eyes, interrupted every now and then by a moan because your hand on his sensitive cock feels too much, but also too good to ask you to stop. “yes, baby, doing so, so good for me. you wanna cum ?” sunoo almost cries out in relief to your sweet praises, but even more so to the promise of finally getting his orgasm. “please, please, i need to cum so bad, please let me…” - “then go on.” as soon as he stopped trembling, you detach the pink ribbons that were keeping him tied up, kissing his wrists and his whole face to reward him. he’s your perfect pretty boy after all.

LEE HEESEUNG

most of the time, heeseung prefers to dom, but it all starts with that day you came home from work really frustrated and your sweet, loving boyfriend offered you to use him in every way you wished to get the tension out of your body. problem ? he ended up liking it way more than he thought he would have. every time you are even slightly mad, he’s ready to drop on his knees or let you ride his face without you even asking. his number one priority is to make you feel good, to be good for you. 

the feeling of surrendering completely to your control gives him a rush that he cannot explain. heeseung just knows that he loves it when you humiliate him, call him names and slap his face. and even if he always does exactly what you ask him to, you still degrade him, which pushes him on to go further and further and even anticipate all your desires. 

“look at you baby, crying just because i’m touching your dick, huh ? how pathetic.” your fingers gripping his jaw forces heeseung to look down at his reflection in the mirror, seeing how he’s slumped against your body, your hand sliding up and down his swollen cock. and he can’t help but moan at the sight. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry your hand just feels so good…” - “is that so ?” another noise escapes his mouth as you speed up your rhythm. “can i cum ? please… i wanna c-'' he's interrupted by yet another whimper and you just smile at seeing him so desperate, his hands gripping your thighs for support even if he’s not allowed to touch you. “well, do it but just know i’m not finished playing with you.” - “ah ! thank you, thank you !”

[theywantedplayer]

Prompt List

Thought I just make a prompt list to start this page off so you can guys can get some ideas I will be adding more throughout this and you can always send requests. I love doing them.

“Are you really this happy 24/7?”“Are you really this grumpy 24/7?” “No, no, please don’t look sad. I can’t handle that.” “You’re definitely the only person I would do this for.” “ i love you the way you are, okay? you don’t need to change. ” “stay quiet” “first one to make noises loses” “you’re so fucking hot when you’re mad” “you have no idea how much i want you “i’m going to fuck your so hard you’re going to forget that guys name” “don’t fucking touch what is not yours” “come and sit on my face and i’ll show you how much i missed you” “would you like to go somewhere a little private” “i want you....here.... right now” “no panties?” "Don't yell at me in languages I don't understand!"  “Buy me cute underwear and I will let you see me wearing it." "If I buy you nothing, can I see you wearing that?"  “Please dont cry, im sorry” “Don’t tell me your fine your bleeding” “I wouldn’t do that to you” “everything about you amazes me” “I’ll never be good enough” “I love you know anybody else” “ you could punch me in the face, and I still want you not gonna lie” “Hey…..be safe” “ we’re in public!” “ you’re blushing” “am not” “ you’re not even listening” “stay” “ you can’t banish me this is my bedroom too!” “ you’re literally a man child” “ let me carry that” “ oh my God you’re taking up the whole bed” “ I’m hungry” “ I’m not moving” “ Hey calm down it’s OK” “ kiss me quick” “God, you’re freezing!”  “Here, take my jacket.” “get under the blankets, quick.”

“Come here, let me warm you up.” "I'm so cold."" my hands are freezing, just let me warm them on you for a second." "cuddle with me for a second. it'll heat the both of us up." "Please come to bed" “Are you wearing my hoodie?" "Did you really put a blanket over me while I was sleeping?" "so, how much longer do you plan on using me as your personal space heater?" “What are you doing here?” “Are you okay?” “I love you, you know that right?” “Did you miss me?” “Could you stay, please?” “You think that this is easy for me?” “Are we okay?” “It's okay, I got you” “I'm not leaving” “I've been in love with you for years!” “I don't hate you, not even a little bit” “Don't listen to them” “Because I know you” “I hope you know what you're doing” “You don't have to pretend you're fine:” “You deserved it”“I couldn't sleep” “I'm just so tired”"I never knew that about you. it's cute." " get behind me... " " Stay here. " " don't worry. everything's going to be alright... "  “please don’t cry”“Does it hurt?” “Oh stop pouting, I'm coming.” “Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.” “Can I get you anything?”   “'ll be back to check up on you later.”  "Open your mouth for me.”  “Please kiss me.” “Use your words.” “Tell me what you want.” “You can take it.” “I can take it.” “You take me so well.” “Spread your legs wider.” “Louder. Let me hear you.” “Keep your eyes on me.” “Touch yourself.” “Do you want my fingers?” “I can’t get enough of you.” "Wait, don't go, please.."  " oh, sweetie/buddy... What happened? Did someone say something to you? " " are... are these good tears? or bad tears? " " You never need to apologize to me. ever. and certainly not for crying... " " there you are! I was... hey... what's the matter? Have you been crying? " " you've got a little mascara stain... you wanna talk about it? " " Stop this. " “I can't pretend anymore” "It's alright, just breathe, okay?" “Can you look at me? Please?” “ I don't think I've ever seen you smile”

----

resting your head gently on their shoulder

smiling at each other from across the room

looking for them in a crowd

Kissing their forehead before going to sleep

Remembering their dink/food orders 

complimenting them at random times 

them gently tilting your chin

hiding face in necks

them gently tilting your chin

hiding face in neck

spooning at night

laying their hand on the other’s neck

pushing a strand of hair behind their ear

nudging the other one

putting an arm around the other’s waist

hugging each other

massaging them

falling asleep on the other’s shoulder

carrying the other one in their arms

whispering in their ear, lips touching the skin

stroking the other’s arm soothingly

kissing the top of their head

pulling the other one towards them

grabbing onto their arm

stroking their leg

leaning into the other’s side

sitting close and knees touching

gripping thigh

holding the other’s jaw

[obligitory-fma-blog]

I watched the final Netflix adaptation of FMAB. Here’s some of my notes

- “Y’know, I don’t think he has any need for his dad.” Hoenhiem. Uhm you left him he kinda did for a while so idk why you’re being bitter now

- YOOOOO SIG AND IZUMIIIIII

- RAHHHH I LOVE THEM

- Okay the fighting is better this time, less choppy

- Izumi’s actress is ON POINT I LOVE HER

- “I was never much of a proper parent to either of those boys” Ya don’t say. (I’m not a Hoenhiem hater, but I am a Hoenhiem critic.)

- “Maybe you should’ve told them goodbye and talked to them before leaving. Maybe then their grief wouldn’t have taken over.” SAY IT IZUMI

- “I reorganized your insides lol” Hoenhiem you could tell Izumi before you did that?? Creepy man.

- Still didn’t use the music from the original :(

- Okay Ed should be covered in blood after falling into it but he isn’t, just his head bandage. Wtf is up with that??

- GIRLIE I CANT WITH ENVY RN WTF

- WTF IS THE CGI OF THE HUMANS ON HIS MANE (?)

- EW IT GOT WORSE

- Okay how tf did envy knock them onto a stone platform that was LITERALLY NOWHERE TO BE SEEN UNTIL NOW

- Mustang and Riza my beloveddddd

- The actor for General Hakuro is pretty good tho, very weird, but good

- Girlie you walked into some weird shit

- Mustang girlie I luv you so much tho hope you slay this movie

- Oh hi Father

- “Daddy…?” -al “DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR-“ -father

- Also highkey the actor for Envy is really good too

- “How do you know Hoenhiem?” “Technically he’s our father” TECHNICALLY HAHA

- Ed is like “touchy no no, no touchy”

- Girlie you are a creep HANDS OFF THE LITTLE GUY

- Ed’s just like >:/ wtf get off

- WHY ARE YOU PETTING HIM???????

- I feel violated just watching this

- YEAH LING SAVE HIM

- YOOOO WERE GONNA SEE GREEDLING :D

- Ew that’s fuckin goopy (philosophers stone)

- It looks like melted jello ewwww

- Okay idk if seeing greedling is worth it for this shit

- Why is his mind blue???

- Wait did we see greed lose his body in the first one or….

- I don’t think we did???

- Uhhhh idk and I don’t wanna go check because the first one is bad

- Lowkey he’s fine as hell tho

- Mustang looks so damn done lmao

- HE’S SITTINF LIKE THE SHINJI MEME WAIT

- LMAOOO THATS SO GOOD

- okay okay it’s time for me to get my Mustang being a dad moment don’t fail me now movie

- Stfu Bradley no one cares

- WTF WHERES MY MOMENT HELLO

- ARE WE NOT GONNA GET THE 520 CENZ PROMISE??

- I HATE THIS

- Okay Ed, Sig, and Izumi get to interact now :D

- Okay so now we’re getting the scar brother research moment? Outside of Briggs? Cool? I guess?

- Oh hi greedling

- Okay so apparently father killed greed cause he disobeyed him but that’s all we get for that.

- Also this story set up just doesn’t and will never work as well as the first one, so much stuff is intertwined in different events and mixing it all up like this just makes it so confusing and that’s part of the reason why this just doesn’t work

- But I’ll ignore it for the sake of things

- OLIVIER :D

- Mustang and Riza checking in on their kids :D

- I’m so normal about found family

- 5 minutes in Briggs and Ed is already in trouble. In character stuff

- Also we gonna talk about his automail or we just gonna skip over that for plot reasons

- OLIVIER I LOVE YOUUUUUU

- WOMEN ARE HOT

- am I bi

- YESSS ICE QUEEN ICE QUEEN

- “How’s Alex?” “He’s good!” “…shame.”

- Okay sloth looks less weird than I imagine

- OLIVIER WITH THE BOMB :D

- Love her what a Queen

- Still wish they used the original soundtrack I will forever be mad about that

- SLAYYY OLIVIER YASSSSSS

- please marry me

- YEAHHHHHH

- Okay Ed just kicked sloth off of briggs? Girlie even with automail I doubt he could kick him that easy

- So Olivier doesn’t suspect Ed of anything? Out of character, #notmyicequeen

- Also turns out Hakuro and Raven are both the same person in this version??

- Oh Hi Winry

- “If I step out of line, they’ll do something to you.” Awww baby protect your gf

- YEAHHHH OLIVIER AGAIN :D

- “I won’t let anyone do whatever they want in here!” SAY IT GIRLIE YEAHHH

- please I’m begging you marry me

- on my KNEES

- They could not have casted her better

- Bb girl it’s so hard to understand you when you’re so fine I can’t focus

- Okay now Drachama is attacking Briggs

- When Sloth goes back in the hole Raven/Hakuro looks like a grandpa when he’s told he can leave the nursing home for the day to play golf and if that isn’t a summary of the entire us government idk what is

- AWWW WINRY HAS A CHARM ON HER BAG THAT LOOKS LIKE DEN :D

- Sorry Olivier, but it’s so hard to focus on this serious scene with your luscious lips and beautiful face

- She would murder me for saying this all but IDC IF TJAYS HOW I GO THATS HOW I GO

- Alphonse!! :D

- Hoenhiem is like “hUH???”

- He didn’t know about Al’s body????

- Okay bestie :/

- Father of the year fr

- Can’t even keep up with the fact that his son doesn’t have a body smh

- Okay Xerxes time

- ED IS THE SAME ACTOR FOR YOUNG HOENHIEM???

- Okay I get why

- BUT OKAY THEN IG

- Okay cool Xerxes sequence

- “Everybody is dead” lol cringe get good

- Sorry I have the humor of a middle schooler

- Oh hi Greedling

- Am I bi cause THIS MAN

- Okay now it’s Al!Pride time just out of nowhere for no reason?

- “So you’re gonna try and beat me then?” -Pride

- “… nah you’re freaky lol” -Hoenhiem

- Hi again Al

- “Don’t insult my son bitch” okay we love that

- “Okay, let’s all go beat the dwarf in the flask :D” -Hoenhiem

- “NO ONE FUCKING ASKED UGH” -Ed

- MUSTANGGG LOOKIN SPIFFY

- Still mad we don’t get the 520 cenz promise

- AHHHH BLACK HYATE

- LUV HIM

- Also seeing Mustangs team all together is so slay :D

- “Don’t die while we overthrow the government y’all.” -Mustang

- Oh great bad cgi soldier things

- YEAHHH MUSTANG SAVE YOUR SON!!

- Okay good Envy and Mustang will fight :)

- Now it’s time for CRAZY MUSTANG :D

- BURN THE BITCH BURN HIM

- ED LOOKS SO SAD AND CONCERNED :(

- YEAH RIZA STOP HIM STOP HIM

- YEAH ED STOP HIM

- “GIVE IT TO ME FULLMETAL NOW! OR ILL BURN OFF YOUR LEFT ARM!” ANGST ANGST ANGST

- “JUST TRY IT! GO AHEAD! ILL THROW DOWN WITH YOU NOW!” YEAHHHH SAVE YOUR DAD!!

- “YOU PLAN ON STANDING AT THE TOP OF THIS COUNTRY LIKE THAT?!” CRYINF SCREAMINF RAHHHHH

- “YOU KNOW THIS ISNT WHAT YOU WERE STRIVING FOR” PARENTAL!ROY AND ED PEOPLE WE ARE GETTING FED TONIGHT

- YEAH RIZA AND SCAR STOP HIM :D

- The way Ed got ready to fight when Mustang looked like he was going to snap at him I :,)

- “I am a giant fool forcing you all to act this way.” HUG YOUR WIFE AND SON

- “Lieutenant, please lower your gun. I’m so sorry” GONNA CRY NOW

- I still wish we got the 520 cenz promise and I will never not be bitter about that

- I don’t care that it’s not the point of this IM STILL MAD

- OOP BYE ED

- AWWW MUSTANG CALLING FOR ED BEFORE HE GOES :,) WERE GETTING FED GUYSSSS

- Okay I don’t like the fight between Bradley and Fu as much this looks more like stage fighting :/

- That’s the only one so far I didn’t like tho so….

- How tf is Riza gonna survive tho the weird doctor guy isn’t here

- DONT LOOK DIRECTLY AT AN ECLIPSE GUYS WHAT???

- Also those do not go that fast either

- I got to see one and it was really slow but fun ig

- Idk I was like 13 so

- Anyways

- YEAHHH ED HELP YOUR DAD!!!!

- Okay I wish they added colored contacts for this or smth so it’d be similar to the series and make more sense but eh… who knows

- ED YOU GOTTA KEEP HELPING HIM HE CANT SEEEEE

- or get revenge that works too

- Okay cgi for the absorbing god scene is cool

- Alright who’s ready to fight god?

- Am I hallucinating or is the actor for Al also the actor for god!father/Dwarf???

- IM NOT THATS HIM

- OKAY IG

- All the actors for this are really good actually. I can tell they have passion for this. I appreciate that.

- Okay it’s time for Ed to almost die for the 5000th time

- YEAH MUSTANG FUCK HUM UP

- YEAH EVERYONE!!!

- POWER OF FRIENDSHIP YIPPIE

- Also someone get Ed. Or don’t

- Nah cause the creepy guys gonna get him now

- AL

- THIS SCENE WILL NEVER NOT BE SAD TO ME

- DONT TOUCH THE CHILD WEIRDO

- It’s funny cause when I got into this I was younger than Ed and now I’m older than him. Fixation really be lasting a while. It’s the neurodivergence isn’t it.

- YEAHHH NOW WE GET HIM BACK TO HIS BODY :D

- I can’t even tell if it’s good because the series is good or if this is actually a good movie

- Oh hi greed I forgot about you lowkey

- But you’re hot so hiiiiiii <3

- “YOU DARE DISOBEY YOUR FATHER?!”

- “ITS A LATE-STAGE REBELLIOUS PHASE IM GOING THROUGH!”

- Iconic.

- And get punched idiot

- OKAY TIME TO BRING BACK AL

- YEAHHH HOENHIEM TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

- “Let me at least do something fatherly in the end” AHHHHH

- “STOP BEING A DUMBASS DAD” AWWW ED

- “You finally called me dad 🥹” I CANT VISIBLY REACT I DONT WANNA DISTURB MY ROOMMATES BUT AHWHWIWJEVRI

- “I was always a human to begin with. All is one, one is all. Even if I can’t use alchemy, I have great people in my life. My precious friends and family.” STILL THE BEST QUOTE FOREVER

- YEAHHHH RIZA AND MUSTANG WILL FIND A WAY TO GET HIS EYESIGHT BACK

- AWWW WE GET A TRISHA AND HOENHIEM SCENE

- YEAHHH THE BROS COME BAVKKKDHIHZHW

- AND WE SEE HUMAN AL WITH SHORT HAIR

- AWWWWWIEHJEIEHWHWH

- IM NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS EVER

Conclusion: yep. This got me in the heart, even if it isn’t the show itself. Still stuff that bothered me. But overall, this series of movies is not so bad. Not so great, at times, but not so bad. Honestly, I think they did the best they could and that’s really all I could ask for. And it was nice seeing them all in live action. For this movie, an 8/10. For the series of movies? 6.5/10. Not remotely comparable to the original series, but still a worthwhile watch and something I’d recommend if you want a recap of the series but don’t have time to watch it all again.

Let me know if you all want notes on the first one! I watched it a long time ago but I’ll do it again for y’all. Much love guys <3

[acourtofquestions]

Empire of Storms Chapter 11 spoilers via reaction / vent:

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOUR STILL READING I AM GOING TO START SPOILING THE CHAPTER (not the book… I think?) AFTER THIS FINAL PREFACE

*spoiler preface for myself; please do not tell me what happens next* this is a reacting vent😅😂

— please excuse me while I scream in Wivern for a moment — no one I know reads these books, I’m an insomniac who tends to read before I go to sleep & now I am wide awake & losing it😂🤣 hence HI TUMBLR! … now—

—NO NO NO NO NO NO NO AGHHH AHHHH AH NO AHSBDHEALANSHDEJWKANSBSHDOWLWNW🤦‍♀️

“Your Second, Asterin Blackbeak, shall pay the blood debt between our clans. She dies at sunrise tomorrow.”

ASTERIN?

Of all of them WHY — WHY SARAH — would you pick ASTERIN?! (What makes you think I can handle that!?) NOT ASTERIN; not WILD, TRUE, FIERCE, LOVING, BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE, HILARIOUS, RESILIENT, (ONE OF MY FAVORITES — ON MY DO NOT KILL LIST — ASTERIN?!?) SHE IS THE HEART OF THE BLACKBEAKS!🖤… If Manon is the hope Asterin is the heart (that’s what I’ve been going by)!!! Even just from a practical level; yall Manon was a MESS without her second (& that was literally a book ago… just last week😅) & this was when Asterin was still her third!! None of us are equipped for this; NOT EVEN MANON; if Manon Blackbeak can’t handle it there is no way I can! — Why can’t the old Blackbeak bitch just die already🤦‍♀️ ; let Petrah & Manon take over, & be done with this madness already! Bye bye Iskrah! Hello, semi-humane not psychopaths w cute dragons!😊😅😅🙃

… Oh, this better not happen… why would you even make me think it’s possible (she’s supposed to be immortal😫), why would anyone even consider scaring me like that?? Like okay, I know “it’s a book” and “characters are gonna die” but NOT ASTERIN OKAY?! I have a list of things I need from this book & this is not on there! … it’s gonna be a 13 revolt then right👊?- -RIGHT?!? … yeah, it’ll be fine🤪 cause um there’s just no way. I refuse. Nope! 13 bb’s r off limits!!

CHARACTERS THAT ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE: Aelin, Rowan, Lysandra, Fleetfoot (I legit googled that one during CoM to make sure she lives forever & ever—thankfully it appears I am right!) Evangeline (the 2nd time I broke my spoiler google rule; thankfully she’s also safe) Aedion, Dorian, Manon, ASTERIN, Abraxos, Yrene (I know we haven’t technically met her but I read TAB & already love her okay?), Sam (YEAH I KNOW—from day 1 I knew that he dies but GUESS WHAT— HES STILL ON THE LIST OF CHARACTERS YOU CAN’T KILL; I get it for plot & ships… but also I’m still in denial… I still miss him too😭) even Chaol (sweet idiot Chaol is NOT allowed to die, not after he’s done better, not after EVERHTHING!) Not after Sorscha, Not after Sam, DONT YOU DARE DO Empire of Storms!!!!!!!!!! Not my 13! Not the kickass group of besties! No, how about we pull an ACOTAR & none of the main characters “actually” die? Huh, how’s that sound?! JUST NOT LIKE THIS OKAY OKAY!!!

Goodness… How am I supposed to sleep tonight??? Waiting to see if Asterin survives the morning?!? …

I need to find a better pre-bed book😂😅🤣… & maybe another therapist if characters start dropping like flies😅😂 … OH GODS SHE BETTER NOT!!! …

And now we’re switching perspectives? — Most books I get annoyed & only like a few “the most” so I don’t wanna switch perspectives when I’m worried about my character… the good “problem” with these books are I LIKE EVERY CHARACTER thus enjoy every chapter & also AM CONSTANTLY ON CLIFFHANGERS! I’m at my wits end between; Rowan going on his “I’m not a worthy prince blah blah blah” bullshit, Aelin just slowly collapsing inside because of stupid old men politics, Elide teaming up with Lorcan (& whatever the hell is hunting them freaking me out), bb Evangeline & Fleetfoot having to say a TEMPORARY goodbye (still broke my heart💔), not knowing wtf Chaol & Nesryn are, Dorian almost dying every .5 seconds, & Manon 99% of the time but NOW ASTERIN… how is this chapter 11??? This feels like chapter 70 shit… HOW BAD IS CHAPTER 70 GONNA BE FOR IT TO ALREADY BE LIKE THIS… I miss the days of Rowaelin reuniting in Rifthold🥹… Remember when Dorian used to bring Celaena puppies & candy & the biggest issue was sneaking into a ball🥺

Well on that note time to go binge read or be responsible & sleep… hopefully Asterin DOES NOT DIE!!! But I’m sure I’ll be cliffhanger ramped spamming anyways😂🤣

[evilsnievil]

Long short short I miss my boyfriend.

I haven’t been able to see him for over a month now. He’s my best friend in the whole world and I’ve only known him for a little over a year but we’ve gotten so close because we’ve both been through so much in the past year and we’ve been there for each other like neither of us has ever had before.

His parents a abusive as hell and at the end of November a whole bunch of stuff happened with him and them I won’t get into it but I can’t see him because his parents hate me for no other reason than because they hate him and are narcissistic control freaks. They even targeted me towards the start of all this literally coming up to my house not only telling my parents that I need to stay away from him but for no fucking reason they made up this whole lie that they saw on his phone that he was cheating on me with multiple people and my stupid ass believed it at first and almost off-ed myself because who would fucking lie about that but once I got my senses back I was like none of that fucking made sense and after a couple miserable days of losing my mind not knowing who to believe I ultimately chose my best friend because I have far more reason to trust him than his insane parents and their “proof” was literally just their word which is worth less than dog piss.

Since the whole thing we’ve been able to talk on the phone on and off (the off parts being because they did a bunch of shit to his phone and eventually took it from him). I think I developed some kind of abandonment issue from this because we would be talking just fine for a couple days and then randomly all I would get was silence and it would literally drive me mad worrying if he was safe or what. Recently we’ve been able to talk more steadily tho because while he was at his moms house (who is a literal hellsent demon but is on my bfs side and is being super chill rn) he got a second phone that he’s keeping secret from his dad and stepmom here and so far that’s going okay knock on wood.

I’m really thankful about this but still not being able to see him is killing me. He’s all I have and literally before all this happened I was talking to him about how I’ve grown so emotionally reliant on him after all the things that happened over the year and i was at a place where wanted to try and work on my myself so that I could become more of a whole person yk. And then not even a couple weeks later I have him ripped away and get put through the most violent emotional wringer of my life like what the fuck man this is not what I fucking meant not like this. I am in actual physically pain from missing him. My chest hurts everyday and I always wanna cry it’s literally pathetic. I’ve never been this long without him and I don’t know what to do with myself. I just want my sweet boy back so that I can hold him again and give him the comfort and love we both so desperately need after this god awful situation.

[flames-burn-brightest]

I have to move and it feels like I am already forgotten

In the past two years I lost almost all my friends and in the past weeks I have started to lose what’s left bc I don’t have energy I don’t answer enough I am a mess that drags people down

Now I am about to lose my family. Because I will be gone and they will be here and I won’t have enough time and whenever I will have a speck of time I will have no energy.

What’s the point in leaving so we can have a better life if I won’t be part of that life besides providing the Ressources.

More like providing the money because I haven’t been able to provide love, attention, time, organisation of anything really or anything else kn months

I am a faliure that is letting everyone down

I am being replaced left and right and I can’t even be mad or anything because it’s absolutely valid and understandable and probably the best and healthiest move for all of them

I hate myself so much. I can’t be mad at anyone that is leaving. It’s just that I can’t leave myself, I can’t get out of my own skin, can’t magically give myself more energy and less symptoms.

I understand they leave I wanna leave too

And worst of all my cat is leaving me already. It’s as if she understands I am going to leave and has already started doing the inevitable.

She is replacing me as well

And I can’t even be mad

I can’t do anything

But drown in my self hate

That was placed there by my abuser. Placed before I could even think, let alone walk or talk. She shaped my brain before I ever had a chance to defend it. She has shaped it into a monster that is only good for doing her bidding and fullfilling her needs and her narc supply. I was shaped to be nothing but an extension of her horrible self. Which makes me just as horrible and toxic as her. After everything I tried I am still seen as nothing more than an extension to her by the literal person who was there so raise me as well, who did raise me for over six years. And if he can’t see me as anything but that I have proof that it is true.

I am nothing but an extension to a monster. Not even my own monster, nothing is my own. I am her monster.

I am almost glad they’re all leaving, maybe it will protect them from my toxicity.

And those who won’t fully leave because they would have a bad conscience I will help.

I will leave and withdraw

And once I did that for as long as I can, to give them time to not care for and about me anymore. Once I did it for so long that I can’t bear it anymore

That’s when I will leave for good

And do them all a favor

Because there are enough monsters

And while I can’t do much I can reduce the number by one by removing myself from the equation. Maybe I will reduce it by two and take her with me. Maybe then my life will have had some worth to it

Even tho I will never be able to undo the damage done to the people for simply being close to me. I can prevent more

They’re doing right by me by replacing me. Even my cat instinctively knows to not be close to me.

I just wish it didn’t hurt this damn much

[ritapstory]

Chapters Ascended

Living in Houston Texas I’ve changed a lot,

Once upon a time I was drowning in the Midwest.

Previously I was going stay in Columbus to let my heart rot,

Now I’m grateful your ass I left.

I’m not mad at you; I just knew it wasn’t meant to be,

Now I sit in Houston alone with my thoughts.

During my separation I thought you were heaven sent to me,

When in reality it was myself yet again, I almost lost.

Well, thank spirit that chapter was short lived,

Now I sit here still healing from a love much deeper.

My past and feelings from you I hid,

After deciphering my poetry, damn your were a keeper.

But I have to let that love go,

I’ve love and I’ve lost.

Got so high out here I was digging the blow,

But there I go losing myself again at what cost.

To hidden truths I kept myself,

I can barley look at myself in the mirror.

This healing process is the worst I ever felt,

However my head does feel somewhat clearer.

Back to eating healthy again,

And letting myself cry until I’m dry.

I’m supposed to trust the process and accept spirit is giving a lend,

Everyday I wish I could fly.

While in Houston I got to see where I am from cosmically,

Not many people out here can relate with me.

Many people out here are 3 dimensional honestly,

On some real shit that worries me.

I was intoxication at its finest,

You could’ve called me the ring leader.

Somehow though I was still the kindest,

While filling heads with toxic truths I was the feeder.

In order to find yourself I believe in getting lost,

But shit don’t stay there!

Many people’s hearts honestly go frost,

With the inability to tear.

Now I find myself starting to set up boundaries,

People be feeding off my energy.

Keep playing I’ll set up foundries,

If I need metal barriers to help give off the synergy.

After one of my first awakenings,

I drove and got lost on Richmond and Westheimer.

Little did I know spirit was awaiting

Frustrated with my stubbornness; probably thinking I’m a waste of time.

I see the spiritual realm,

I walk into dreams I can’t explain.

Talk about the wildest shit I’ve ever felt,

I’ve change my ways and now somehow I’m lame.

I remember I did want to understand my past lives,

Not gonna lie I still do,

So now that requires me to live right,

Sobriety over intoxication is what I choose.

The process has not been easy at all,

I still have days at work when I cry.

On some real shit I am tired of this fall,

I’m not gonna look in your faces and lie.

I’ve gained knowledge about Kai out here,

And not many will know what that means.

The matrix is real and people still live in fear,

Talk about them NPC beings.

I used to be caught with them,

Thinking life was about money, sex and drugs.

Sleeping with hijacked men and bloodsucking fems,

I realize I was sweeping dirt under the rug.

Literally death came for my ass,

Yet people are still out here playing games.

People chugging their problems by the masses,

Thinking that will bring you to fame.

And a long lived love I am finally giving myself.

This chapter I am working towards everlasting wealth,

Wanna talk about the realest shit I’ve ever felt,

There’s more to fame, what about your health?

What about when you feel that ominous presence at witching hour?

Y’all think that’s a coincidence?

Not realizing we are the true keys to our power,

Yet people chip themselves away with persistence.

I refuse to give up anymore of me

I rebuke the tears unless it’s necessary; more laughter.

Even if I have to roll solo, I know I got a spiritual team,

This is Rita P’s newly ascended chapter.

[lunarticxenia]

Moon Signs Pt. 1

My take on moon signs based off people I know! Now personally, I tend to have more strong opinions on my favorite moon signs than favorite sun signs. I feel like moon signs really indicate more about a person’s personality than their sun sign, imo. It does rule emotions and behavior after all. With sun signs I struggle with picking favorites because I do genuinely have people I like of every zodiac sign. I just go by the number of people I like from each zodiac sign. Anyhoo, here’s my view on each moon sign! 

Note: These are p long bc I have such strong thoughts on moon signs so I’m splitting it into two parts. :) 

🍂 Aries Moon: Ahhh, my moon sign. I won’t be biased though, I promise. So Aries moons based off other people I know is that we low-key got anger issues LMAO. Every single Aries moon I’ve met besides myself has anger issues, with the exception of one person and she still gets irritated easily. Aries Moons are also extremely sensitive, and they tend to be overlooked for that since they’re fire signs. I’ve found that a lot of what they get angry about has to do with their feelings, if they feel they’ve been wronged this really can make them angry as they are super sensitive. They also get angry when they feel like people aren’t listening to them, as they take this very personally. I’ve also noticed that Aries moons are EXTREMELY honest, they will tell it how it is and they are extremely blunt. They don’t like to beat around the bush, and they are very direct with how they feel about something. Aries moons are also extremely passionate and spontaneous especially in relationships; they’re the ones who wanna kiss in the rain and ride horses into the sunset, that is if you can get them to settle down with you LMAO. Nah all jokes, they’re picky about who they want, but once they really fall for someone it’s very hard for them to let go. They’re also so competitive, they will play dirty. My grandpa used to let me win in checkers as a kid, my dad (who’s an Aries moon) NEVER let me win. He said me losing would help build character LMFAO. He just didn’t wanna lose.They also have strong personalities and can be SUPER impulsive. Also, if they wanna do something, they WILL do it. No one is gonna stop them. If they wanna go somewhere at 3am, they’re doing it. Sorry. You can’t stop them. LMAO. Aries moons also love to be in touch with their inner child, my dad is an Aries moon and bought himself an arcade machine out of nowhere LMAO. I also like to collect shells and watch Disney movies to remind me of my childhood. They also tend to change their views and opinions on things a lot, and mind you they have intense emotions about these things. So it can be hard to keep up w them. 

🍂 Taurus Moon: Taurus moons are just so calm, it’s scary LMAO. I know a few of them, and even if they’re anxious about something you can never tell. They always have this calm demeanor and just seem so unbothered by everything. Taurus moons also LOVE money and the finer things in life. The male Taurus moons I know work a lot just so they can have a lot of money. One of them literally said to me “Money talks” after explaining to me why they work 7 days a week, 12 hours a day doing two jobs. The crazy thing is, despite doing all that extra work, he just seemed so unbothered about it LMAO. The female Taurus moons I know tend to love really expensive clothes and dressing up. This Taurus moon I work with has such nice clothes and always dresses like she’s on a Vogue cover. Like I said, Taurus moons LOVE money and the finer things in life like expensive clothes. If they aren’t the types to dress up or be workaholics, they desire comfort. They would rather lay in bed and take hot bathes than be bothered to do all that extra stuff. They also might like to eat out at expensive restaurants, and are “foodies”. They also might be big lovers of music and have lots of different music tastes. Also, Taurus moons? STUBBORN. Good luck trying to get them to change their mind on something. Also, despite them wanting all the luxuries and comfort of life, they are SUPER grounded. They do not live in a dream world, they see life for what it is, and prefer to be on the ground than have their heads in the clouds. Also, Taurus moons, I’m sorry, but y’all can be lazy. I work with three of them, and they can be lazy. They will not do more than the bare minimum. Also, their anger is low-key scary. Especially since it can come out of nowhere since they’re calm all the time, you never know when they’re angry and if you catch them at the wrong time... well, rip. They also tend to be introverted- even if they’re social, you will not know anything about them unless you’re besties with them or related to them. Doesn’t matter how well you know them, they don’t air their dirty laundry and keep their private life private. Also one last thing, omg these people sing all the time. They love singing to themselves, every single one I’ve met does that LMAO. Anyway, love my Taurus moons. 

🍂 Gemini Moon: Gemini moons love to make people laugh LMAO and love to just sit down and have good talks with people. Their minds NEVER stop working. Good luck trying to get them to stop talking once they know you. They can and will talk about anything for hours. Now, I do admire that, but sometimes I just wanna relax and they won’t stop talking to me LMFAO. My dad’s girlfriend is a Gemini moon and at family gatherings she loves to dance around and try to get everyone else to dance. I find that Gemini moons are very active and love to move around, and try to get everyone to have fun. Definitely the life of the party. They’re super amusing and also love to tell jokes and funny stories. Now not all of them are extroverts especially if they have an earth sun sign. So that is something to consider. My cousin is a Gemini moon and tends to be more introverted, however, once she’s comfortable around someone and knows someone she’s super goofy and loves to make people laugh. Gemini moons also love to learn, they’re always teaching themselves about something. My cousin who’s a Gemini moon just randomly started teaching herself how to do sign language (she’s good at it also)! These people are also SUPER adaptable, they can get along with any kind of personality and can adapt to any situation. I’ve also noticed that they love to playfully roast people and annoy them LMAO. I have noticed that they struggle with reading the room, they tend to just continue to annoy someone and can take it too far, which can get kind of annoying. They’re also extremely curious and are always asking questions. They love to ask random questions without any context. It’s a quirk a lot of them have. Trying to tell a story to them can be frustrating because if you mention certain terms they’ll ask you what they mean LMFAO. My dad was telling a story about how he used surfing to explain physics concepts in class and his girlfriend asked what the concepts were and what they mean. Also, they’re really good at giving advice. These people would make great psychologists imo. This girl I used to talk to (who’s a Gemini moon) actually is becoming a psychologist, so there you go LMAO. 

🍂Cancer Moon: Oh Cancer moons...you guys are so sensitive. They feel everything and anything. I haven’t met a Cancer moon that isn’t an empath. They are extremely good at reading other people and sensing their motives. My mother is a Cancer moon, and she’s always been able to tell who’s toxic in my life. She doesn’t even have to meet them either, just based off of stories I tell her, she can pick it up right away. Now, everyone always says Cancer moons are super close with their family and that’s definitely not always the case. The Cancer moons I’ve met have actually had a lot of problems with their family. Now the thing that I’ve noticed with these placements is that despite how toxic their family is, they always stick by them. Even if they’re not close. So I wouldn’t say they’re all super close with their families, but they always stick up for them, which can be an issue if their family is toxic. Also, Cancer moons, SUPER MOODY. I’m sorry but like I’m a Cancer sun and they’re ten times more moody than I am LMFAO. I’ve always said they act more like the stereotypical Cancer than Cancer suns. Also, this is a super underrated placement for humor. Every Cancer moon I’ve met has been super funny. Also, a super underrated placement for anger issues. Everyone says oh yeah Aries moons have anger issues, like yes, BUT HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN CANCER MOON ANGER?! Y’all Taylor Swift is a Cancer moon and wrote a whole album about how fed up she was about the media mistreating her and the whole Kimye thing (rightfully so) but y’all see my point. They can and will fight you. They also tend to be introverted, even if they’re social, (which I rarely see), they would much rather keep to themselves. I’ve also noticed that they’re very nostalgic a lot. My Cancer moon ex used to just randomly go through childhood photos and would show them to me. They’re also EXTREMELY protective over people they love, they will KILL for the people they love. They also love to talk about their dream homes and interior decorating a lot? My Cancer moon ex was OBSESSED with coming up with his dream house and would literally draw out diagrams for me to see. My mother too, she wants to redecorate her apartment and was showing me all the potential furniture that was gonna be put in. Oh Cancer moons, LMAO. 

🍂 Leo Moon: Oh Leo moons. You guys can be so dramatic LMAO. Every Leo moon I’ve met is so dramatic; these are the types of people who get up and move around when telling a story and also do dramatic hand gestures. These are the types of people who post a black screen in middle school on Snapchat saying “Don’t hmu.” LMAO. My Leo moon friend gets so mad when I make that joke, but it’s so true. These people are also naturally super creative, the Leo moons I know love to decorate and draw. Even if they don’t do any outright creative hobbies, they have a creative streak to them. It’s weird though because despite them being very dramatic when it comes to them being angry, they struggle with expressing their personal problems to other people. (This however can be changed with other placements, but I’ve found this to be true in many cases). They don’t want people to think that they’re weak, so they put up a tough front to hide that they’re hurting. Also, Leo moons, are indeed the hype friends. My Leo moon friends gas up my Instagram posts so much. They’re also extremely loyal and don’t like to leave people out, they hate that kind of shit. They’re also extremely accepting of others, my Leo moon friend was the first person I came out to, and they accepted me right away. They also love to take pictures of EVERYTHING. Like when you go out with them, they will make you wait before eating your food so they can take video of your food together LMAO. They love to capture every moment, I personally find it very endearing. Also, a lot of people say Leo moons are super cocky. I don’t find this to be true. They can come off that way, but I’ve found they tend to actually be pretty insecure and they try to hide it by coming off as confident. I feel like Leo moons tend to put on a show a lot to hide how they truly feel, which makes it hard to get to know them. It makes me sad because they truly are such kind hearted people and all they want is to feel validation. I also found that they love to go above and beyond to make sure everyone else is happy and tend to put themselves last. I wish y’all didn’t do that, you deserve to be happy too. ;( 

🍂 Virgo Moon: Workaholics. That’s how I’m starting this LMAO. My friend is a Virgo moon and works her ass off. She goes above and beyond in school for starters. For this anatomy course we had together, she sent me a whole diagram she made of the human brain on Notability and it was so intricately made. She also works her ass off at her job and takes care of her siblings. I feel like this falls into Virgo placements putting others before themselves. Virgo moons are definitely the types to be like this. They want to make everyone happy and they want to feel useful so they do all these extra things to feel that way. Virgo moons are also super smart, and have the best study methods. Low-key jealous. They have this incredible drive and are always on top of things and have a routine. Also Virgo moons LOVE animals. My friend who’s a Virgo moon, works at a dog sitting business and has 6 pets at home. They LOVE animals. They also like honesty and bluntness; they will provide you with that as well. They don’t like beating around the bush or lying to make other people feel better. You wanna know if you look bad in a dress? Ask a Virgo moon, LMFAO. I’ve also found that they struggle with wanting to be perfect all the time, and struggle with anxiety. As I said, they want to be the best at everything, and this can be a big source of anxiety for them. These people also find themselves attracting people who they want to “fix”. They also give amazing advice and are super reliable. Also, last minute plans? They HATE them. Want a Virgo moon to hate you? Try making spontaneous plans with them LMAO. Virgo moons also have great memories; they’ll remember every little detail about you. Also Virgo moons are the types to take charge in a group project and run the whole thing because they don’t trust anyone. Virgo moons also always appear to be calm and collected, even though many of them frequently deal with anxiety a lot. Also, they’re low-key underrated for humor. They have a very dry and self-deprecating sense of humor LMAO. They also go above and beyond in relationships because they enjoy seeing the people they love being happy. 

Anyhoo, this wraps up part one!  Also these are just my opinions, so don’t get offended I tried to praise and drag all of them equally <3 

Part 2 here. 

[ptergwen]

Hi val! Got a request, it's okay if you don't wanna write it, but can you write about peter telling the reader he's going on a huge mission and he's excited about it but the reader is so worried they end up arguing? But when peter gets back from mission all bruised, the reader is still upset but dresses his wound anyway and it ends up with fluff??

abort mission

w/c: 2.4k

warnings: mentions of blood, swearing, and angst

a/n: woah woah woah i ended up writing way more than i expected but i loved this request so much :,) i hope you do too

-

“we’re staying in this, like, super fancy castle while we’re there. it’s gonna be awesome,” peter rambles to you. he takes all the clean shirts in his drawer and throws them into a suitcase.

he’s packing for a mission in europe with the avengers, and you’re here to say goodbye. you’ve been pretty quiet while peter gives you as many details as he’s allowed to. it’s always an honor when the team invites him on. he gets so stoked about it. you’re happy he’s happy and gets to pursue his passion, but you’ve noticed a pattern.

every time peter leaves the country with earth’s mightiest heroes, he comes back in worse condition than the last. it seems like they protect everyone except peter. he’s oblivious to the fact that the end result is always his suffering. he’s just glad to be there. really, he gets nothing in return except scars that never heal, not even a permanent spot on the team. 

so, you’re not thrilled he agreed to go.

“plus, i get to miss two weeks of school.” peter beams, getting onto his knees to zip the suitcase. “feels like a vacation almost.” “you like school, though,” you remind him. you’re sat at the edge of his bed while you watch, rather than help. he hops up again with a shrug. “i like vacations more.” “it’s not a vacation,” you mutter to yourself, then speak up.

“how are you gonna catch up? that’s a lot of missing assignments.” with that same innocent smile, peter walks over to you. he grabs both your hands and laces your fingers together. “i’m a fast learner. besides, ned said he’d help me.” you sigh, looking down at the floor so you don’t have to look at peter. “or, you could. make it into a little study date when i get back,” he suggests while playing with your fingers.

“i don’t even want you to go,” you finally admit and meet his sparkling eyes. nothing could ever dull them. “why not? you’re gonna miss me?” peter teases, pressing a couple of kisses to your palm. “you don’t have to. i’m pretty sure france has wifi.” he wiggles his eyebrows. “oui oui, mademoiselle, eh?” despite yourself, you giggle at his french accent and tug on his hands. he sits down next to you with a chuckle.

“nat has been giving me lessons,” peter explains, you quirking an eyebrow. “she speaks french?” “she speaks a lot of languages, actually. she’s so cool.” peter scoots closer to you and sets his hands on your waist, his voice dropping. “you’d love her.” your face twists up in confusion at the idea.

you don’t have anything against the avengers, obviously. they’re good people. you’re just not the biggest fan of them at the moment, considering the circumstances they’ve put peter under.

“peter, i don’t want you to go,” you repeat more seriously than before. your teeth sink into your lower lip. “and, it’s not because i’ll miss you.” “none taken,” peter jokes, implying there should’ve been a no offense. he then realizes how distressed you look, so he cuts it out. “sorry, sorry. i’m done now. how come?”

you take his hand again and hold it tight. “what if you get hurt?” you ask in the nicest way possible, out of care. “i don’t wanna see you hurting, pete. this mission sounds really... dangerous.” he runs his thumb over the back of your hand, his grin faltering a bit. “it is, but i’m ready for it. i’ll be fine.”

you’re not convinced yet. that line he likes to overuse isn’t enough to do the trick.

his eyes searching for yours, peter brushes a piece of your hair back. “have a little faith in me, babe.” “no, i... i do. i have the most faith in you, peter.” you find yourself frowning as he twirls your locks around his finger. “that’s not the problem.” peter’s voice becomes a whisper. “what is it, then? talk to me.”

you do the opposite because you’re afraid you’ll upset him further, which is the last thing he needs right now. your silence prompts peter to fill it. “would it make you feel better if i say mr. stark is keeping an eye on me?” he’s smiling sheepishly, you scoffing. “oh, like he kept an eye on you in amsterdam?”

the only eye related activity that happened there was peter almost losing one of his. he’d come back with an eyepatch and couldn’t see out of it for over a month. to this day, there’s still a bit of blood in it when you look close enough.

“i already told you, that was my fault,” peter grumbles, turning so he faces forward. “i didn’t listen to him-“ “who gives a shit? he’s the one who put you in that situation!” you blurt out. you’ve been way too patient this whole time, and now you’re reaching your breaking point. “you say that like i didn’t wanna be there.” peter clenches his jaw, still mostly calm.

“either way, mr. stark,” you mock what peter always calls him, “was supposed to keep you safe, and he didn’t. i’m scared it’s gonna happen again.” letting out a noise close to a growl, peter stands up from the bed. “you’re not listening to me, y/n. everything was fine. i just-“ you’re not in the mood to hear him make excuses, so you interrupt.

“do you know any other sixteen year olds who fight literal terrorists on their free time?” you rhetorically ask and get to your own feet. peter tries to walk away from you, only you follow him. “you’re a kid, peter, in case you forgot.” he spins around to give you a nasty look. “do you know any other sixteen year olds who stick to fucking walls?”

your heart starts to race from his sudden outburst. he’s scary when he’s mad, and he almost never gets mad at you. all you can do is blink dumbly. “didn’t think so,” peter spits. “this is what i’m supposed to do, help people. is that so wrong?” his breathing becomes ragged as his anger grows.

“what about you? are you helping yourself?” you speak softly, expecting an answer this time. “you’re not my fucking therapist, y/n,” he deflects the question. “i am your girlfriend, though. i care about you so much, you know that.” eyebrows furrowed in concern, you reach out for peter. he takes a step back. it doesn’t take long for tears to cloud your vision.

“i was excited to share this with you, and i thought you’d be happy for me.” peter balls his hands into fists at his sides. his voice stays low. “instead, you made it all about yourself. you can never let me enjoy team stuff.” you’re speechless, peter nodding as he lets his words sit. “thanks for the support.”

“you’re an asshole,” you laugh out bitterly and wipe under your eyes.

he didn’t mean to make you cry. he was so caught up in himself, he didn’t realize you were.

peter’s whole demeanor changes. “y/n, baby...” he attempts to put a hand on your cheek, but you hit it away. “get off of me. what did i just say?” you sniffle, your tone harsh in contrast. “you’re an asshole, peter.” he changes his mind about feeling bad. you’ve berated him way more than he did you, anyway.

“you should go. i have to be up early,” peter decides, even though he’d said you could stay the night. whatever, you don’t want to anymore. “fine,” you agree shortly. “i’m leaving.” he stands there while you collect your things, shoving them into your bag. you’re going slow enough so he has a chance to stop you. he doesn’t.

you pass by him on your way to his door, sucking in a breath. here’s your official goodbye. “see you later, peter. don’t die.” “mhm, i won’t,” he replies, his tongue poking at his cheek. with one more shared look between you two, you make your grand exit, no doubt informing may of her nephew’s behavior before you’re gone.

peter immediately regrets the way he talked to you, and that you’re leaving things like this. you were only trying to protect him. you’ll never be able to save the city like he does, so this is how you do it. he truly is an asshole for not seeing that.

frustration consuming him, peter kicks over his fully stuffed suitcase, its contents spilling out. he grits his teeth.

“fan-fucking-tastic.”

-

you don’t talk to peter the whole two weeks he’s gone except for some are you alive and yes texts. he’d called you quite a few times, and was sent to voicemail for all of them. he gave you the benefit of the doubt because of timezones.

it was actually because you declined, which peter knew deep down was the real reason.

he’s coming home from his mission today. you’re not sure when or if he plans on dropping by. you’re not sure you’d like him to, either. you don’t really get a choice in the end.

there’s a series of knocks at your window, at some ungodly time in the night. you’re all too familiar with this routine. it’s peter.

you slip out from under your covers, a scowl already painting your face as you go to the window. surely enough, peter is perched in front of it, clad in red and black. the suit must be new because you’ve never seen it. you push up the window and step aside so he can get through.

“thanks,” peter mumbles, climbing into your room less gracefully than usual. he’s sort of wobbly when he lands. “yeah,” you dully acknowledge. “how was france?” “uh, good. you know, lots of cheese and all that.” his voice is muffled from his mask, since he hasn’t taken it off yet. that’s odd. “i was talking about the mission, but cool,” you almost laugh back.

“the mission was... fine,” peter clarifies and scratches the back of his neck. he never describes something as simply being ‘fine.’ when the boy talks, he lectures. you’re starting to get worried. “that’s good. at least you didn’t die, right?” you say to lighten the mood. peter awkwardly chuckles. “haha, yeah. thank god for that.”

you hum and walk over to sit on your bed, peter staying where he is. “what time did you get back?” you wonder, a completely harmless question. “um, this morning,” he says in response, raising your suspicions. “why’re you still in the suit, then?” you squint at him. “i like it, by the way.” “thanks, y/n/n. i, uh,” peter trails off, no good explanations coming to mind.

you’re quickly developing a hunch for what what down. you wordlessly get up again, meeting peter by your window. he’s nervous to see what happens next. peter’s shoulders slump when your fingers land on his mask. you carefully lift it, revealing his face to you. his banged up, bloody face.

“surprise.” peter musters up a grin, you tossing the mask at his chest. you’re beyond angry now. it’s not at him, athough it is at his injuries. “please don’t be mad,” he nearly begs, you shaking your head. you go to leave your room for some space. peter’s fingers wrap around your wrist, pulling you back. “i should’ve listened to you, okay? i’m sorry,” he genuinely apologizes.

you still don’t say anything while you look over his beaten body. there’s a gash with stitches in it on his chin, a deep slice across the bridge of his nose, cuts littering his cheeks. he’s even got a busted lip for good measure. this might be the worst condition he’s let you see him in.

“you were right, y/n. i think... i think i’m gonna sit the next one out. it’s too much for me, clearly,” peter continues, fingers sliding down to lock with yours. “you should say you told me so.” “how... how did this happen?” you manage to get out instead. “the bad guy fought me,” he says with the hint of a smirk. “i won, though.”

it’s a relief that he’s handling this so well, even earning a laugh from you. that puts you more at ease.

“this is probably a dumb question, but are you okay?” you brush your thumb over peter’s cheekbone gently, avoiding his scratches. “not really. my face hurts a lot, and flash is gonna tease the hell out of me on monday.” his lips form a line, arms looping around your waist. it’s very much welcomed by you.

“you just spent two weeks trying not to die, and you’re worried about flash?” you snicker and draw a heart on his skin. peter shrugs a shoulder. “he’s so mean to me.” he brings you in closer to him. “besides, this is the normal kid stuff i should be focusing on.” you’re glad he finally came to terms with that. you’ve been saying it for the longest time.

you smile wickedly at him. “exactly. so is all that homework you have to make up.” peter lets out a breathy laugh, you laying your head on his chest. “i missed you,” he tells you quietly. “really wish i could kiss you right now.” “i missed you too, pete. so much,” you murmur into him. your hands settle on his biceps. “and, i forgive you.” “thanks, baby,” peter exhales.

“of course. once your lips are healed,” you pull back from his chest, making a kissing noise. “pucker up, lover- oh my god.” you’re looking up at him with wild eyes. peter gets reasonably startled from it. “what? what’s wrong?” “you... you’re bleeding!” you point at his stitches. he winces, touching the spot. there’s blood, alright.

“crap. do you have a bandaid or something?” peter gives you an apologetic smile. “mr. stark said i should cover them when this happens.” maybe, tony isn’t so bad after all. you nod and take him by his hand. “yeah, in the bathroom. come with me.”

peter sits on the edge of your bathtub while you patch up his chin. he tells you more about the fun parts of his mission, you placing the cinderella bandaid over his gash. you have those from a while ago and also regular ones. however, he preferred the princess design.

“you saw the real mona lisa? like, in person? that’s insane.” you grin, smoothing down peter’s bandaid one last time. “yeah, she’s even prettier up close.” peter returns the smile. “thanks for taking care of me, y/n. i swear i don’t deserve you sometimes.” now pouting at him, you crouch down so you’re at his level. “it’s the other way around, peter.”

“let’s just agree to disagree,” he concludes and tucks a stray hair behind your ear. “i love you, okay?” “i love you, too.” you press a light kiss to his bandaid, getting a giggle from peter.

yeah, it’s going to be hell finding replacements for his lips.

[loxare]

Ok so it's been a week since I finished Iron Widow and I think my brain has calmed down enough to talk about it without it just being incoherent shrieking

Guys

Guys

Read this book. It is so good. I am not kidding. If you liked Pacific Rim, read this book. (I've never read of seen Handmaid's Tale, but this book is also full of righteous fury about the inbuilt misogyny of the world it's set in, so read it if you like that.) Just do it. Go. And then come scream at me about it cause I wanna hear that

More Thoughts under the cut cause those are a bit spoilery

I have never read a book with such a feral, unhinged protagonist. Wu Zetian is just such an amazing character. Her murder list starts with one person and once it's empty she is very willing to add to it. She really took one look at the patriarchy and said is anyone going to destroy that and then didn't wait for an answer. She is so incredibly bloodthirsty, but as soon as two (2) entire people showed her love and respect and acceptance, she becomes so soft for them, for a given value of soft. Soft for Zetian is still razor sharp for most people. She changes so much over the book but it's her outlook that changes, as she gains more experience. She is rightfully unwilling to forgive the people who try to hurt and use her and once they fuck up their second chance, that's it. They're gone. It is excellent to read

Li Shimin is such a gift too. Poor baby had such a hard life. He can have a little murder, as a treat. And despite everything! He never gets angry for himself!! He could snap a person in half with his bare hands, and would if they threatened Zetian or Yizhi, but not for his own sake! Deserves the world, deserves happiness, deserves some more self esteem. I keep rereading that scene at the end of their first flight because he's just so shocked and tender and I love it. And the more he learns and the more he finds out that what happened to those girls isn't (entirely) his fault, it's the fault of the systems designed to bleed them dry and he's so furious but still manages to be the least bloodthirsty of the trio

And Gao Yizhi. Absolute sweetheart but I am convinced he's secretly a bastard and I am living for it. He's not even doing a good job of hiding it. Boy knows what he wants and he wants to kiss both his sexy roommates. He kinda takes a side seat, both metaphorically and also literally in the Chrysalis, to the other two for this book but in the sequel he is absolutely going to shine, calling it now (sequel announcement when??). He showed a little of that near the end of the book and it is going to be amazing

And the plot is so amazing. Just. Farm girl plans to avenge sister's murder by killing the murderer could be an entire novel by itself, and has been the plot of a few very good books, but the resolution for that comes in the first hundred pages, and there's more plot after than! And there's also giant robots fighting equally giant monsters thrown in! And then the slow progression of Zetian not caring that she was going to die for her actions, to daring people to shoot her because she's valuable now and they can't afford to lose her yet, to doing everything in her power to ensure she and her two boys survive. Survive and also destroy all the systems keeping women down and also maybe the government, another few things which could be entire novels in and of themselves but are so seamlessly woven into this one

I've read a lot of angry literature but this one is the most visceral. It is furious at the state of things and refuses to let them stay as they are. The systems which are inherently unbalanced, designed to be unbalanced, but kept secret so the changes they effect on the female pilots can be written off as natural. "Women aren't as naturally strong. Women don't go into the fields that pay more, or don't do as good of a job, that's why there's a wage gap." The review thingy on the front cover calls this book a primal scream and it is absolutely correct. Reading through it feels like jumping off a cliff, screaming, with a sword pointed at your greatest foe who's on the ground below you, putting not just your entire weight into it but all the force the planet can exert on you, you can't stop, you don't want to stop, and when you land flawlessly you're just breathless with it

Everything I knew about the world I just read changes in the last three or so pages and I am so mad I don't already have the sequel in my hands. I will have to happily settle for rereading this book cover to cover a couple million times until I do. Predictions: Yizhi shows his true bastard side, Shimin gets a fucking break for once in his life, and Zetian kills god

[silky-stories]

Hi!! Maybe headcanons or some kind of literature with either vampire garcello x reader or mermaid garcello x reader?? You could do both or one or the other. You're the one writing it after all. Thanks!

Oh. Ohohohohohohoho, now we’re talking >:)

Anon I am going to let you in on a little secret, so anyone who isn’t anon look away >:(

...okay now that it’s just you and me, one of your suggestions kind of predicted a oneshot I’ve been working on that I’m going to be posting soon. So because of that I’ll be going with the other option. Hope you enjoy ;3

———————————————————————

Parched. {Vampire Garcello/Reader}

Genre: Suggestive

Words: 2027

Related Song: Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know { slowed + reverb}

Summary: When your boyfriend gets home from a long day, it’s only polite to fix him a drink, don’t you think?

Disclaimer/s: Steamy content, swearing, blood

Notes: Garcello speaks in red this time, Reader speaks in blue ;) [Also, monster character x reader or character x monster reader is my absolute jam, feel free to send in requests like this more often-]

———————————————————————

Your boyfriend was, to put it lightly, a little bit on the odd side.

He work dark clothes on hot days, didn’t like the sun very much, had an uncanny sense of smell and hearing, and liked his meat pretty rare. To the outside world he was a weird shut-in that was probably goth, but you knew a hell of a lot more than that.

The two of you had met late at night in a rougher part of the city. You were on your way home from picking up a few essentials at the nearby 24-hour convenience store when you heard some rustling coming from an alleyway. Then some banging. Then some yelling. Then silence.

Well that was ominous as hell.

...

Time to investigate.

You made your way down the dreary alley, groceries in hand, preparing yourself to see a murder scene or something of the like and...

...you honestly weren’t that far off.

You found yourself watching as a man pinned a guy to a wall, his head lowered to his neck. At first you felt yourself getting embarrassed, figuring that you had walked over and unintentionally interrupted a passionate moment. You quickly realized that wasn’t the case when you watched the guy go limp in the arms of the larger man.

After a few moments of you being the quietest you’ve ever been in your life, standing and staring in shock, not knowing what would even be the right course of action for a situation like this, he pulled away. The guy that had previously gone limp slowly slid down the brick wall, deep red trickling down his neck and pooling in the crook of his shoulder. The aqua-haired man let out a sigh as he wiped his mouth with his gloved hands, still unaware of your presence.

Your mind was blank when you spoke up, it had to be for you to do something so bold yet stupid.

“Is he dead?”

The man flinched, hard, and whipped around to lock eyes with you. You were met with two bright red dots staring back at you, stunned, you began to unintentionally study his face.

The dark crimson that you had seen on the possibly-dead man’s neck was also identifiable as a smear on this guy’s face, starting at his lips and trailing off along his cheek where he had tried to wipe it off. His lips were slightly agape, revealing a set of sizeable fangs, as well as other teeth that seemed sharper than a regular human’s teeth should be. Looking down further you noticed that his gloves were fingerless, presumably to allow the sharp claws of nails that he had to stick out.

Other than all of that though he looked like a pretty normal guy. A pretty normal guy with very pale skin, but normal nonetheless.

“I... huh..?”

You were so busy taking in his clearly inhuman appearance that you actually forgot what you had initially asked for a moment, but restated your question when it came back to you.

I mean, what was there to lose at this point? It’s not like running seemed like a very smart option.

“Him. Is... is he dead?”

You pointed at the man that was currently almost falling over in his slump to emphasize your point. The man in front of you took a double take between you and what may have been a dead body before responding, clearly taking in the absurdity of the situation, similar to you.

“He’s... no he’s... passed out I...”

He paused, blinking a few times as he tried to process what was even happening. You took the moment to look at the body a little more critically and, surprise surprise, noticed that he was actually breathing.

“I didn’t... I didn’t take much so he’s just...”

Didn’t take much?

...

Oh.

Oh shit.

Suddenly the whole ordeal just clicked in your brain as you finally understood what it was that you were looking at.

“You’re a vampire!”

The words left your mouth before you could stop them, shocked and questioning, almost accusatory as your eyes went wide.

He didn’t seem to like that though. His brows pulling together tightly in sudden concern as he frantically looked around for any other possible witnessess. When he reinitiated eye contact he appeared quite a bit more panicked than before, more like someone that had been caught doing something arguably wrong. He looked threatening for the first time throughout the encounter.

“You... what do you plan on doing..?”

Plan on doing? Like what you were going to do after this? Knowing that vampires did in fact exist and at least one lived in your city?

“Do you... ever kill them?”

He shook his head warily.

“Then... I don’t... think I care?”

He was surprised to hear that, to be fair though, so were you. You figured you would care more about catching a literal vampire in the act but... he wasn’t killing anyone so was it really any of your business?

“You... you don’t care that I just drink some of his blood???”

“I guess not?”

You let out a chuckle of disbelief at your own statement, any ounce of a threatening or intimidating expression had left his face.

“He’s not gonna, like... turn into a vampire or die of disease or something later, right?”

“No that’s uh, not how it works...”

“Then just like... I don’t know, make sure he gets cleaned up and home safe and this stays between us I guess.”

He let you know that that’s what he did on a regular basis and after a few more awkward moments you were on your way.

That definitely wasn’t your last interaction though.

He didn’t trust you to keep your word, you honestly couldn’t really blame him, and you ended up catching glimpses of him watching you from alleyways or tops of buildings at night. It was kind of worrying at first but eventually it got to the point that you would just smile and wave if you saw him.

Eventually he would wave back.

Sometime down the road and you learned his name. Months later and you found an odd friendship forming, starting with you asking him to come in on a particularly rainy night.

Even later and you found yourself developing feelings, getting to know who he really was. His personality, his struggles, his fears. He really wasn’t a bad guy, he just had no other choice since regular food did nothing for him.

After half a year of your strange friendship you found yourselves together, he had happily moved into your apartment and you had started to acquire blood bags for him to use instead of people. That didn’t stop him from drinking straight from the source every now and then... although, the source he used had definitely changed.

“I’m home.”

You leaned out of the kitchen to smile at Garcello, he returned it with a warm grin, shucking off his coat and tossing it to the side to land on your shared couch.

“Welcome back! How was your day?”

You greeted him with open arms as soon as he meandered into the kitchen, he swiftly took up your non-verbal offer and swept you into his strong arms. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and inhaled, sighing deeply through his nose as he melted into the embrace.

“It went fine, certainly not my job of choice but I think the interview went alright.”

You hummed in acknowledgment and nuzzled your head against his, pleased to have him back in your arms after half a day without him.

“I made sure to get bread and milk like you asked.”

You chuckled as you spotted the brown paper bag he had set on the counter.

“Thank you.”

He continued to hold you like that, peppering your cheek and jawline with a few kisses as he told you more about his day. Although, there seemed to be a shift in his attitude somewhere along the way. He suddenly went from sweet and giddy to much quieter, giving shorter answers when you asked him a question as he let you lead the conversation.

You decided to bring it up, just in case there was something wrong.

“Hey, are you alright?”

“Hmm?”

“You just... you went kinda quiet so I just wanted to make sure.”

He was perfectly silent as he thought over his answer.

“Yes, but... are you... working on anything right now?”

His tone was anticipatory, eagerly awaiting your response. You found yourself suspicious of his intentions.

“Well, no, I was just putting away some dishes that I was washiNG-!”

You were caught off guard by his tongue dragging across your neck in a smooth motion, tightly taking hold of the back of his t-shirt as he did so. You felt him smirk against your neck afterwards.

“That’s good... you see, I have a bit of a problem.”

“Y...y-yeah...?”

“Yeah...”

You flinched as he brushed one of his fangs against the top of your shoulder.

“The thing is, I’ve had a bit of a... craving today.”

One of his claw-like nails came up to trace along your sternum...

“It’s been just... driving me mad.”

Your collarbone...

“Itching the back of my brain...”

Your sternocleidomastoid muscle...

“Funny, right?”

Stopping and hovering just above one of your carotid arteries.

“Yeah... f... funny...”

His smirk grew in response to your reactions, nuzzling your neck affectionately with a huff.

“I guess what I’m trying to ask is...”

He tilted his head up to whisper in your ear.

“...would you mind if I had a little taste?”

Your eyes fluttered shut as you leaned into him, not even having to speak for him to know what your answer was. He had waited for that cue though, just like usual he would never drink from you unless he was certain that you were fine with it. Even then, you both had a very clear safe word that you had used in the past if anything went wrong or you changed your mind.

You didn’t really have to worry about that though. You knew you were safe in his hands.

He purred in response to your willingness, slowly walking you back and gently pinning you to the wall.

“God you smell good right now...”

He lowered his head back down to your neck, finding the spot that he had traced up to and licking a small stripe along it, pinpointing the location of your pulse.

“...bet you’d... taste even better though...”

He was gentle as always when he bit down, it only felt like a pinch until the aphrodisiac kicked in, immediately erasing any sense of pain you had. Being guided by one of his hands that had tangled itself in your hair, your head lolled to the side as he drank from you. A gentle moan erupted from your lips as your grip on his shirt went slack, your arms falling limp beside you as bliss took hold of your thoughts.

“F... fuck...”

He purred louder as you gave clear indication of your enjoyment. The hand that he had propping himself up against the wall fell and came to rest on your hip, gripping tightly as the hand he had on the back of your head made soft contact with the wall instead.

He cut himself off a little bit sooner than usual, pulling away just enough for you to watch him lick his lips and fangs clean.

He chuckled as the hand that raked through your hair slid down to cup your cheek.

“...I was right, you taste amazing...”

His expression didn’t lose it’s smugness though, usually when he was done he would take a much softer turn and patch you up immediately.

“Although, I think I might have put a little too much aphrodisiac in your system sweetheart...”

He was right, you felt like a rag doll right now, nearly putty in his hands as the only thing keeping you standing at the moment was his grip on your torso. Your eyes had glazed over slightly and you were practically panting at this point.

“...let’s do something about that, hmm~?”

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK: Chapter eleven: "Can't get you off my mind"

|Word count:  9,7K

Summary:  Reader struggles with her feelings for Spencer and tries to work with Seaver. Neither of those things works. Spencer's headaches are getting worse. Also, it's Anderson's birthday! Things are getting a little more complicated.

Warnings:  Hardcore fools in love. It's getting painful to watch. Spoilers of Criminal Minds Season 6 Episode 11. 25 to life. Cursing, and frustration. Alcohol consumption. Assholes being blind.

A/N: Please don't hate me! but these two are just so blind, it hurts!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

Spencer's point of view

Psychotics in a break always evolve. Well, I was psychotic at that minute of my life, but the only things evolving were my migraines. They were driving me insane. I could feel them taking over my life, my head, my sanity. I could feel my good judgment slipping through my fingers every day, especially since (Y/N) had started acting strange.

It wasn't like she had stopped talking to me or hanging out with me. But I could feel a void growing between us every day. And it was driving me insane. I couldn't understand where it had come from. I just knew it was eating me alive.

Morgan was having a bad day. One really bad day. The man he had vouched for parole had just murdered a man after nearly 70 hours of freedom, and now the team was trying to solve the whole case. Don Sanderson claimed he had been framed guilty of the murder of his wife and baby daughter, but after 25 years in prison, the first thing he did as a free man was to murder someone else.

It made no sense.

We had visited the murder scene. Hotch was still on a leave, so it was just Prentiss, (Y/N), Morgan, Rossi, Seaver, and I. Emily was in full "training agent's duty," walking Seaver through every step of the procedure, which was very nice of her. It was her first case after the incident in New Mexico, and she was eager to do better work than that time. She was nearly jumping all over the place, taking notes.

I talked with Garcia on the phone because he was worried about Morgan, and then I walked to (Y/N), who kept a safe distance from Emily and Seaver.

- "The bullets were in the other room, but the gun is right here,"- I said as I looked around the room. (Y/N) turned to me, ready to speak her mind, but Ashley spoke first, which annoyed her beyond belief.

- "Maybe killing him was an accident."

I looked at my best friend as Prentiss and Ashley continued talking. She just crossed her arms and walked around the room. She surely wasn't dealing well with having Seaver around. I wanted to ask her something, anything, but nothing came to mind.

- "Sanderson was out of prison for what, Reid?"- I answered Emily's question but didn't even turn to look at her. My eyes were following (Y/N), moving around that room.

- "At the time of the murder, 51 hours."

- "He's free for 2 days and change? What's the big hurry to find this guy?"

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and stood next to (Y/N) as Prentiss and Ashley kept analyzing the scene.

- "Yeah, just tired."

- "Do you wanna have dinner with me tonight? I didn't see you this weekend, and I thought we could do a movie night."

(Y/N) took her time to answer, but finally, after a moment, she nodded and agreed.

- "Movie night sounds nice."

- "Great, ‘cos I rented your favorites."- I might have sounded more excited than I should, but I had really missed her those days, and I may or may not have watched and read Pride and Prejudice a couple of times.

- "Did you? Really?"

- "Yes, I was hoping to spend some time with you."

- "Are you coming, Spence?"- Seaver interrupted us and looked from the door- "Rossi called. They are interviewing Sanderson at the BAU."

- "Yeah, we are coming,"- I answered and looked away. (Y/N) shook her head and walked outside in silence the second Prentiss called my name, and I couldn't follow her. Which, I guess, was a good thing.

- "Is everything ok?"- Emily stayed behind with me. She raised an eyebrow, watching (Y/N) walking out of the room as Ashley waited for us by the door.

- "Yes?"- my answer came more as a question because I honestly didn't know what to say- "Everything is ok, Emily."

- "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the feeling (Y/N) isn't thrilled to have agent Seaver around."- I almost chuckled at her words and just nodded.

- "It's not like she has made it hard to tell. She literally yelled at her at the jet."

- "Is she mad at me because I am supervising her training?"

- "I don't know. I don't think so… she hasn't told me so. Well, she hasn't talked to me much lately."

- "Why? Did you fight?"- Prentiss wide opened her eyes and moved a little closer to me, trying to read my expressions.

- "No, I don't know what's going on. She just… we…"- I couldn't find the right words to explain my mind, and I think Prentiss knew it, ‘cos she didn't push me.

- "You should talk to her."

- "Yeah, we are going out tonight."

- "You have a date?"- Ashley walked over and asked me with a short smile. I cleared my throat and shook my head right away.

- "No, just meeting with a friend."

- "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to intrude,"- Seaver blushed and looked at her shoes. Prentiss smiled, probably reading something I wasn't seeing.

- "Come on, Rossi is probably waiting for us at the BAU, and I'm guessing Morgan is not in a good mood."

For the rest of the day, I tried to find a moment alone with (Y/N). I needed to talk about what was going on. But it was impossible. We worked late, rereading the original case files, trying to find something that might help us help Sanderson. But it was frustrating and nearly impossible.

So around nine, we decided to call it a day and go home.

- "Are you in the mood for Chinese?"- I looked at (Y/N), gathering all the things as I stood next to her desk- I thought maybe we could get some take-out from that place you love on our way home.

- "Sounds nice. What are we watching?"

- "Pride and Prejudice, Coraline, maybe Beetlejuice. You pick, I've got all your favorites,"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes, looking at me in silence- "What?"

- "So you rented movies ‘cos you wanted to hang out with me?"

- "Yes."

- "You usually don't rent movies. You rent documentaries."

- "Yes, but I wanted to do something different this time. I told you I missed you."

(Y/N) blushed as she stood in front of me, biting the inner part of her cheek, trying not to smile. I looked at her, nearly beaming, excited to see her reaction. I had felt so scared to lose her, feeling her pushing away from me. It was a balm watching her so happy, and just because I missed her.

- "I love Pride and Prejudice,"- Ashley said from her desk- "I've read that book so many times, I think I can recite it."

I looked at her and nodded with an awkward smile. I knew she was just trying to be nice ‘cos she was new at the BAU, and she was also trying to be nicer to (Y/N), to get on her good side. But that wasn't the way to get to her. Maybe I had to talk to Seaver and explain that my best friend is a special woman.

Neither of us answered her comment. We just stood there, looking at her in silence, until Anderson walked over and waved.

- "Hey agents, before you go, I wanted to tell you, this Friday I'm celebrating my birthday, and I'd love to have you over."

- "Of course, Sonny!"- (Y/N) wide opened her eyes and clapped. She had called him "Sonny" since they sang "I got you babe" by Sonny and Cher in the karaoke at the Christmas party the year before.

- "Happy birthday, Anderson!"- Derek waved.

- "Thank you! We'll gather at a bar nearby. I'll text you the address."

- "We wouldn't miss it for the world,"- Prentiss added and smiled- "Do you mind if we tell JJ and Garcia?"

- "Please do! I haven't seen JJ since she left, and it would be amazing to have her over. You too, agent Seaver."

- "Thank you!"- Ashley smiled and nodded- "Count me in."

I could feel (Y/N)'s eyes rolling, annoyed, even when I wasn't even looking at her at that minute. I grabbed my bag and my coat and held her hand.

- "Bye, guys! See you tomorrow!"- that was all I said as I dragged her out of the bullpen. Emily waved at us, and Derek cut me an evil grin I could decode easily. I just ignored him and turned to the door.

- "Have fun, pretty girl!!"- Morgan chuckled at his own words, and (Y/N) just smiled and winked. Why? Probably to show him she didn't care about all his teasing, ‘cos nothing was ever going to happen between us.

(Y/N)'s point of view

It might have been childish, but I had to take advantage of Morgan's innuendo just to show Seaver things could happen between Spencer and me. It had been immature and silly, but I just felt like I needed to do it. It was like a stupid animal instinct that forced me to mark my territory.

I shouldn't have done it. Spencer wasn't mine. Not even close. And I had to stop being jealous of Seaver. If he didn't want me, he had the right to be with anyone else. But just the thought of Spencer being with someone, anyone, made me feel sick in my stomach. I hated being in love with him. I honestly did, ‘cos I didn't want to ruin our friendship with useless feelings. Spencer wasn't in love with me. He was just my friend. My very thoughtful, cute, adorable, and lovable best friend.

I was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. Even that second, sitting on that couch with Spencer, I couldn't focus on the movie. I pretended, but I didn't even pay attention to it. All I could think of was how warm his body felt sitting next to me, like a gigantic magnet that called for me. I could simply just move my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. Or lean in closer, rest my head on his shoulder, feel how he wraps an arm around me, and melt in his embrace, like I had done a million times before.

But I couldn't. I had to stop that daydream of a domestic and romantic life with Spencer. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't sane. But most of all: I wasn't real. And I was never going to move forward in life if I kept thinking those movie nights meant something.

- "More popcorn?- Spencer handed me the bowl, and I shook my head- "You have been awfully quiet considering we are watching Coraline."

- "Well, we are supposed to watch the movie in silence,"- I answered and didn't take my eyes from the screen.

- "You have never done that."

- "Maybe I wanted to give it a try."

I grabbed a bunch of popcorn just to keep myself busy. I could feel Spencer's eyes on me, and it was killing me ‘cos I knew I didn't have to look at him. If I did, I wasn't sure how I would react. I was overthinking everything and anything you might think of.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah. Sure."

No, I wasn't.

- "(Y/N), can you look at me?"- Spencer paused the movie and turned to me. I hesitated, thinking my best friend is an amazing profiler, and I didn't want him to know how I felt about him ‘cos it didn't want to ruin our friendship.

After a few seconds, I moved on the couch and raised an eyebrow. His brown eyes stared into mine in silence for a moment, trying to read me.

- "What is going on?"

- "Nothing,"- I lied and frowned- "Why are you so obsessed with the idea something is going on?"

- "‘Cos I have this… feeling."

- "You got a feeling?"- I chuckled, trying to be funny but failing completely. In the end, I just stared into his eyes for what seemed to be a million years but were, in fact, just a few seconds.

- "Are we ok?"

- "Of course, we are, Spencer."

- "You never call me that"- he frowned immediately, almost hurt.

- "What?"

- "You just call me Spencer when we are on a case, and there are people around us. But when we are home, I'm never Spencer to you."

"When we are home." That killed me. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted that to be our home, to have a life with Spencer.

I was in love with my best friend. I was spending every single hour of every single day of my life with him. That wasn't right! If I knew he didn't have feelings for me, why was I doing that to myself?

- "(Y/N)?"- Spencer's voice took me from my thoughts. He looked so worried I didn't know how to convince him there wasn't anything wrong, considering it felt like everything was wrong.

- "What is it?"

- "Please tell me what's wrong."

- "I told you, nothing is wrong. I just called you Spencer. That's your name. It's a lovely name. I had never met someone called Spencer ever before in my entire life. You just called me (Y/N), not pumpkin, cupcake, chipmunk, or ma chère,"- he sighed, frustrated and maybe a little annoyed.

- "Nothing is wrong, honey. I'm really ok. Just tired, maybe feeling a little invaded with Seaver in the team"- I knew he knew I hated her, so I had to blame her in a way.

- "Why?"

- "You know I'm not her fan... I hate working with her,"- I kind of chuckled at my own words because I was trying to make a joke out of my awful reality.

- "It's just for a few weeks,"- he tried to reassure me, probably to ease my mood, but the truth was I hated how it always felt like he was defending her.

- "One week, one day, it's the same torture,"- I shook my head and turned to the screen again.

- "Don't be dramatic."

- "I'm not dramatic! I just hate how she is always playing the victim ‘cos her father is a serial killer. She is clearly overcompensating! Besides, we have all gone through bad shit in our lives, and no one is using it as a tool to get things in life."

- "I don't think that's what she is doing."

- "No? Do you think she belongs at the BAU? She is a trainee agent who almost got killed in her first assignment. She works hard, and she is not stupid, I give you that. But she is not top of her class. She is not there ‘cos she is the brightest. She is there ‘cos Rossi, Hotch, and probably Prentiss felt bad for her after what happened and decided to let her hang around and learn something for a while. If you ask me, I think there are more qualified trainee agents we could use in the team, but Seaver played her "my father was a serial killer" card and got the job. And who knows how many times she had done it before, and how many times she will use it again."

Ok, that may or may not have been too hard, but it was exactly how I felt. There was a deep silence in Spencer's apartment. The movie was still paused, and after my speech, Spencer just looked at me with wide-opened eyes. I just sighed and regretted every word that had left my lips ‘cos they made me sound bitter and shallow. But at least they didn't tell him the truth: that I was jealous of the thought Seaver might get his attention. Scared that he could look at her the way he had never looked at me. Just to imagine I could bump into them kissing terrified me.

- "Maybe I should just go home,"- I whispered and tried to stand up, but Spencer grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the couch.

- "No, please. Stay,"- his voice was a whisper but still managed to shake me.

- "I don't wanna argue with you, honey,"- I thought I would speak too loud, but no, I actually murmured, matching his tone of voice.

- "We don't have to talk about Seaver anymore. Just watch the movie with me. You love this movie."

- "You love this book,"- I added and looked at him. He smiled. God, that smile is going to be the end of me.

- "It's just so dark! But it has such a good message."

- "Not all nice people are good people?"- I just spoke about what the book had meant to me ever since I was a little girl, and Spencer analyzed the whole plot again in less than a minute.

- "I was going to say overcoming your fears, but I like your analysis the most."

- "Of course, you do, ‘cos it's better,"- I teased and stuck out my tongue to him. Spencer just stared at me and nodded.

- "You might be right. Yours is much better,"- he kept his eyes on me for a few more seconds and continued smiling until he snapped from his thoughts- "More tea, ma chère?"

- "No, honey, thank you. I'm good."

I cut him a quick smile and sat back on the couch, trying to relax. I knew it was going to be impossible, but I honestly didn't want to leave. I wanted to be with him. I had stayed home alone the whole weekend, hidden underneath a pile of blankets, in something that looked pretty much like a fort, according to Lu's words. She had stayed with me Saturday night ‘cos I told her I needed a girl's night. It was my poor attempt to stay away from Reid, and she was happy to help.

Ok, Lu didn't know I wanted to stay away from Reid. I just told her I needed a girl's night. I really didn't want to deal with all her questions. You have the right to avoid dealing with your feelings from time to time if you can. And I told Spencer Lu wasn't feeling so good, so I wanted to spend some time with her. He sounded disappointed ‘cos he was making plans for our weekend off but understood completely I needed to be with my friend.

See? Spencer made it so easy falling in love with him! He was so thoughtful it freaking hurt!

I couldn't fight the feeling anymore and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt he was waiting for me to make that move, ‘cos in a few seconds, his arm was wrapped around me protectively.

- "I know Lu needed you, but you missed a whole weekend of cuddling on this couch watching your favorite movies with me,"- Spencer whispered, bumping his head carefully against mine. I bit my lips and smiled, not taking my eyes away from the screen.

- "We do this pretty often"- that was all I could answer.

- "At least once a week for the last… thirteen-month two weeks, and… four days."

- "I love how precise you can be when it comes to our friendship, honey."

Calling it a friendship hurt me at that point, but it was what it was. Spencer chuckled and just nodded. We enjoyed our company in silence for a moment. His fingers drawing figures on my arm and my head resting on his shoulder, letting his smell invade me. It was heaven.

We were finally watching the movie… though what I really wanted was to watch a movie with Spencer instead of actually watching it. But that was the nature of our relationship. We were friends. Friends don't watch movies.

- "No way,"- I argued when his cellphone rang and interrupted our moment- "Please tell me we don't have a case."

- "We don't,"- he quickly answered and picked up the phone- "Hello? Hi… it's ok, tell me"- he didn't stand up or moved from me. He kept holding me tight against his body and finished his call by simply saying.

- "We can meet tomorrow at seven at work. I can help you with your test."- I hated those words immediately.

- "It's not a problem, see you tomorrow. Bye."

I was afraid to ask ‘cos I knew the answer. The knot on my stomach was the fair warning of what had just happened. That bitch had ruined our moment yet again.

- "What are you doing tomorrow at seven?"- I did my best to sound as casual as possible, but I knew that conversation might not end well. He hesitated. I could nearly hear his neurons struggling to find the correct answer to that question. Until he simply whispered:

- "Please don't get mad."

- "Why would I?"

- "‘Cos Ashley just called to ask me to help her study for a test…"

I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, doing my best to calm myself down at least a little before speaking.

- "I'm not mad, Spencer,"- I tried to lie as smoothly as possible. I even cut him a smile and looked into his hazel and confused eyes.

- "I know you don't like her, but I had offered to help in case she needed any… what?"

- "I'm not mad, really,"- I smiled again and turned to the screen- "We said we were not going to argue, and besides, she just called to ask you for help. That's not something to be mad about, right?"

Technically I wasn't mad. I was beyond furious.

- "Are you sure?"- he narrowed his eyes, baffled- "Not that I want you to be mad or something, but we just argued over her, and you said you felt invaded by her… so…"

- "Yes, but I don't wanna argue anymore. I don't want you to think I hate Seaver because I don't. And most of all, I don't want her to be the reason we fight. I don't wanna fight with you. Ever."

Spencer sighed, relieved, and smiled, pleased with my answer.

Spencer's point of view

Something felt off the following day when I walked into the bullpen and saw Ashley waiting for me by my desk with two cups of coffee. (Y/N) had said everything was ok, and I decided I wanted to believe her. But I had an awful feeling about everything that was going on.

- "Hi!"- Ashley smiled and handed me a cup- "Figured you might appreciate one of these for making you wake up earlier."

- "Thank you"- I smiled awkwardly and held the cup- "Are you ready?"

- "Yes, I brought all the notes from the class and my books…"- she set them on her desk and giggled as I went through her notes, sipping my cup- "I feel back in high school…"

- "Why?"

- "I wasn't the best student back then, and I always had to ask my classmates for help,"- I couldn't help but think of something (Y/N) had said the night before.

- "And are you a good student at the academy?"

- "Yes, I think. I'm not in the top three of my class, but I have good grades. I'm just not… a genius, like you."

Her eyes lingered on my face, and her cheeks blushed after a few seconds. I frowned, not getting why she was embarrassed. Was it just ‘cos she didn't have the same honorifics as I did?

- "I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified,"- I simply answered, remembering how many times in my life I had ever said something like that. Way too many, to be honest.

It was hard to focus on the subject when Seaver kept asking me personal questions every five minutes. She seemed more interested in knowing about my childhood in Las Vegas than learning about profiling and victimology.

- "Good morning, kids!"- I turned around and smiled at Morgan, so glad to see him I might have actually felt a little relieved- "What are you doing here so early?"

- "Hey! I was just helping Ashley with her test,"- I stood up and walked from her desk over his- "And about you?"

- "I have a meeting with Strauss in a while, and Sanderson's case didn't let me sleep. It was better to come here and start working than to keep on rolling on my bed. But I'm glad you are here. Wanna help me go through a few extra files?"

- "Of course!"- I left the notes I was holding on the closest desk and walked with Morgan to the conference room.

I considered our session with Seaver finished, mostly ‘cos for the last ten minutes, she had been asking about me. What I liked doing outside the BAU, favorite bands, hobbies, anything. I answered her questions and kept trying to push her to study. I didn't want her to blame me if she failed her test.

- "Hey, kid."- Morgan whispered after a few minutes and took a look around, just to make sure no one else was near. I looked at him confused ‘cos he was never that careful to say anything in the office.

- "Is everything ok?"

- "Yes?"- I answered, though it sounded like a question ‘cos I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

- "Are you excited to have Seaver on the team for the next month?"- I shrugged and kept reading the file in my hands- "Come on, Reid. She is clearly sweet to you."

- "I don't know what you are talking about."

- "She has a crush on you, kid."

- "No, she doesn't!"

- "Come on! Are you blind?"- I stared at Morgan, not getting what he was talking about- "Man, Seaver gives you loving eyes even when we are on the field!"

- "She does not!"- I knew I was blushing. I hated those kinds of conversations, and Morgan always made me feel awkward when he hinted I should flirt with a girl or just talk to them.

- "And I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything like that ever again."

- "What's the matter, kid? You don't think she is pretty?"

- "I don't look at her that way!"- I buried my head in a file and tried not to notice how he scanned my whole face, looking for micro expressions.

- "I see. Are you afraid (Y/N) might get jealous?"- Morgan chuckled at his words and tapped on my back a few times, making me flinch- "Relax, man. I'm just kidding!"

- "I don't like those jokes, Derek. Really."

Morgan kept his eyes on me a little longer and nodded. I did my best not to show how I really felt, but somehow, I failed miserably.

- "You know, kid, it would be much easier if you just told (Y/N) how you feel about her,"- Derek's voice was soft and even more concerned than I thought he could be. I nearly shook when I heard him, so I failed my mission of remaining stoic.

- "Reid, it's ok. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for her."

- "I don't… like talking about this,"- I whispered and closed the file- "Can we just focus on work, please?"- Derek nodded and stayed quiet for a few seconds. But I knew he wasn't done yet.

- "Reid, listen. I know you are not really fond of sharing how you feel with us, I know you share almost everything that happens in your life with (Y/N), and as your friend, I've always felt glad and relieved to know you have her. But if there's something you can't tell her, and you need to talk to someone, you can count on me. You know that, right?"

I nodded and looked at him. That conversation took me back to the year I was using and had to keep it secret from my friends. I knew I could count on Morgan if anything happened, but I really wasn't comfortable sharing my thoughts, feelings, and fears with people. (Y/N) made it so easy. Was it ‘cos I loved her? I just always felt I could tell her anything. That had never happened to me before with anyone.

- "Morgan, Strauss was looking for you,"- Rossi walked into the room holding a cup of coffee and stared at us, raising an eyebrow- "Everything ok?"

- "Yes, we were just going through some files,"- Morgan stood up and grabbed the case folder- "I'll be right back."

- "I'll finish reading all these,"- I said and pointed at the box filled with more files. Morgan nodded and walked away.

- "Do you need any help?"- Seaver walked over that second and smiled at me. I stood up and shook my head.

- "Thanks, but I'm basically done. I'll just go make myself another cup of coffee."

- "I'll go with you!"- she smiled and waited for me by the door. Rossi looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I just cut him a straight smile and walked to the kitchenette, followed closely by Ashley.

(Y/N) walked into the bullpen that minute. I watched her as she opened the glass door and took out her jacket. It felt like the time passed in slow motion as she walked. I couldn't help it, I just smiled as soon as our eyes crushed, and for a few seconds, life was perfect. Just to know she was there, smiling at me made everything worth living.

See why I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling? They would make fun of me. Morgan would never understand the agony and the dimension of my love for her. He would just tease me. I wonder if he had ever actually been in love 'till that point in life.

I didn't want anyone to know what was happening to me ‘cos I was sure they would make fun of me, and that was the last thing I needed at that moment. So I did what I knew best: I locked it all inside and waited for it to burn me alive.

- "Good morning, chipmunk!"- I stood by (Y/N)'s side and smiled as she left her things on her desk and turned to me. She just looked into my eyes, and my brain turned into mush.

- "Good morning, honey bunny. Did you sleep well? You look tired."

- "Yeah, I just got up extra early today to help Seaver, and now I was helping Derek with some files."

- "Do you need a hand?"

- "Sure!"- I didn't even analyze my answer. I just spit the words, thinking it would be amazing to spend some time with my friend, working together.

- "Hi (Y/N), how are you?"- that until her face changed completely when Seaver waved at her- "Spencer, do you want me to make your coffee?"- I froze and turned to her in silence.

- "No, thank you. I'll… just… wait a little before having another one. I just had my third cup."

- "Three cups in already"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes and turned to her desk, giving me her back- "How long have you been awake?"

- "Not as long as Morgan, I tell you that,"- I pointed at him, walking out of Strauss's office and heading back to our conference room.

- "Let's help him, then."

(Y/N) walked quickly, and I followed closely. I wished I hadn't said no to that coffee. I really needed one to go through that morning.

During that morning, Derek questioned Sanderson again and finally took him and Rossi back to his house, trying to trigger any memory that might help us crack the case. Meanwhile, the rest of the team and I stayed back in the office, repeatedly going through the case files. So far, all we knew is that a team had attacked Sanderon's home and framed him for the murder of his wife and daughter.

The whole day, I focused on work ‘cos it's my favorite escape, and clearly, there was something more important to think of than whatever was going on with my life. But my head was killing me. The migraines were starting to get more intense, and I think they got worse the more thinking I gave to my relationship with (Y/N).

- "It sounds like we need to profile a dormant killer"- Ashle's voice surprised me when I was pouring myself a cup of fresh coffee in the kitchenette.

- "A very lucky one. He was essentially given a gift, a patsy in the form of Don Sanderson, and he'll do anything to protect that story."- I answered, thinking I didn't want to be in Sanderon's shoes, trying to clear my name of something I hadn't done.

- "When someone has a secret this big, everything becomes a lie."

Somehow, Seaver's words hit me. I'm sure she didn't mean to strike a nerve, but she did. I had been in love with my best friend for too long, and now it was starting to affect my life. I didn't want it to get in the way of work, and we were at work most of our time together. But there was nothing I could do about it. I just had to keep on faking everything was normal.

- "He'll most likely be pathological,"- I nearly choked at my own words as I tried to shake away the thoughts from my head.

- "So, we're looking for a liar in D. C. I thought we were trying to narrow this down."- Ashley tried to joke and waited for my reaction but didn't get anything. Instead, I just cut her a straight smile and walked away.

By the end of the night, Morgan had gotten the unsub. But I was still a mess. It had been the longest day in weeks, not just ‘cos I had barely slept the night before, but because I was overthinking everything that happened around me. It was exhausting.

- "Are you coming, Batsy?"- (Y/N) asked me and grabbed her bag after putting on her coat. I stood from my desk and nodded.

- "Yes, ma chère."

- "Where are you guys going tonight?"- Derek asked and smiled at us- "No. Don't tell me, planning this year's matching Comic-Con costumes"- I chuckled and probably blushed, busted.

- "We already settled those, Derek. We are way ahead of schedule this year,"- (Y/N) answered and stuck out her tongue to him.

- "(Y/N), can you give me a second before you go?"- Prentiss stood up and smiled at my friend, who just nodded and walked with her to the conference room. Derek and Seaver looked at me.

- "What?"

- "Do you know what's that about?"- Morgan questioned me.

- "I have no idea."

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "Please don't freak out,"- Emily smiled and turned to me after she closed the door behind her back- I just needed to clear the air a little bit between us.

- "What? Why? Is there something wrong?"

- "I don't know, I just feel you have been acting weird lately, and I needed to know if it has something to do with me supervising Seaver."

I nearly gasped. Not ‘cos I felt insulted but ‘cos I felt caught. I knew I hadn't been subtle about my feelings for Seaver. I just didn't want them to get in the middle of work.

- "I haven't been weird with you, Emily, and I don't think I've been acting strange."

- "Come on, you don't like Ashley, and I offered to supervise her while she works with us."

- "Yes, but neither of those has anything to do with me and you. We are friends, Emily."

- "I know, and I wanna honor that friendship, (Y/N). I love working with you. I just want you to know I'm not… I just… I'm trying to help Seaver start her career."

- "I understand that. We are ok,"- I tried to reassure her, but I knew she could read between my bullshit.

- "Do you think you could try to be a little bit nicer with her?"

- "Nicer?"

- "Yes, (Y/N). She is making an effort to get along with the team, and you've been giving her the cold shoulder since day one." -I crossed my arms on my chest, obviously annoyed and defensive.

- "I have been friendly with her, Emily. I just don't like her, and you can't force me to be her friend."

In my defense, in my mind, that argument didn't sound as childish as it did when I said it out loud.

- "Don't be selfish! Just because you are jealous, you can't deprive her of the opportunity of a lifetime with this team."

Emily's words were knives against my ego and nearly destroyed my facade. I stared into her eyes and wondered how to get out of that situation without hurting my friend. I could pretend I didn't know what she was talking about, but we both knew that was bullshit. I could actually try to tell her how I felt, but it was so humiliating I refused to open up. So instead, I just nodded and smiled at her.

- "I'm sorry that's how you see me. I'll try to be a better version of myself tomorrow,"- and needless to say, I turned around and left.

- "(Y/N), please wait,"- but I didn't stop walking. I refused to continue talking about Seaver with anyone. I refused to deal with feelings or the real world.

- "Everything ok?"- Spencer asked me the second he saw me appear by his side.

- "Yes,"

- "You are blushing. Did you and Prentiss argue?"

- "No, honey. We didn't argue. She just wanted to check on me ‘cos she was worried I was mad at her. But that's all."- Spencer just nodded and looked at me in silence.- "Why don't we just go home and forget about today, honey?"

Easier said than done.

So Seaver was getting under my skin. And it was getting harder to control. That week was hell, and I didn't want to show it. Eventually, I talked with Emily again, and I tried to explain to her I wasn't being mean with Seaver. I just didn't like her. And though I gave Emily my word to be friendlier with Ashley, the circumstances weren't really helping.

Things didn't get any better than Friday night. No, if anything, that was the night that made it all worse. Prentiss, JJ, and I got together at Garcia's house and had a few drinks before leaving for Anderson's birthday. I was making my biggest effort to have fun and ease my mind. Spencer said he wasn't sure he'd make it ‘cos he was tired, and automatically I almost turned out the whole deal, but Penelope literally dragged me to her house and put a beer in my hand.

- "You, my young lady, are going to put some makeup on, a hot dress, and we are going to party!"

- "But PG, I'm not…"- but she didn't let me out of it. Instead, she shushed me and raised an eyebrow, looking pretty convincing.

- "No "but." You are going. End of the conversation."

So she dragged me to the bar, along with Prentiss and JJ, who had left Will with little Henry to join us for what was promised to be one epic girl's night.

Anderson was so happy to see us. He was a sweetheart who was always willing to help us. I knew technically he didn't work at the BAU, but he was always there whenever we needed him. We all felt he was part of the team.

- "Sonny!!"- I yelled and hugged him tight

- "I'm so glad you girls made it!!"- and his smile was priceless- "JJ!!"- he actually yelled when he saw her and ran to give her a triple bear hug.

- "Grant Anderson!! I can't believe it's really you!!"

- "I've missed you so much!! How's Henry?"

- "So big!! I feel I haven't been out with friends in so long!"- JJ looked around, and her face kept lighting up as she recognized more friends and acquaintances from Quantico. I looked around and recognized Morgan already flirting with a woman at the other side of the bar.

- "Looks like chocolate thunder knows how to keep himself busy,"- I joked, and Garcia turned immediately.

- "Have you ever seen him shirtless?"- she asked in a lower voice and leaned a little closer to me, just to make sure no one would listen- "I'm sure it's illegal looking so good in real life."

I laughed and turned to see Prentiss walk to the bar to get us the first round of drinks. Ok, I'll admit it, I was having a great time. I know I didn't want to go at first, but spending time with my work friends and not just with Spencer was refreshing. Not that I didn't do fun things with the rest of the team, but my relationship with Spencer, I mean the friendship that pretty much looked like a relationship, consumed most of my time. But I just loved being with Reid more than anything.

But one night without him wasn't going to be the end of the world. Right?

Right.

Anderson and I danced and laughed. It was all very innocent. And though I've never considered myself a hot chick or whatever, a few guys asked if they could get me drinks, and I kindly declined. I wasn't looking for a one-night stand or anything. I just wanted to have fun with my friends.

- "And where's Reid?"- Anderson asked as we reached our table, where Prentiss and JJ were catching up and laughing.

- "Home, he said he was tired."

- "And? When are you two going to come clean about your relationship? You know, having the confirmation of your romance would be the best birthday present you could ever give me."

- "Grant Anderson, you nosy bastard!!"- I hit his arm and heard his laughter- "You know we are not dating!"

- "Come on!! I mean it! You have to get together! You are like the FBI sweethearts!!"

- "Shut your face!"- Anderson laughed even harder and took a look around the bar

- "So, if you are not dating Spencer, I have a friend who asked about you."

- "Who? What friend? Is he here?"- Garcia shouted question after question as she had overheard the whole conversation and even moved closer.

- "His name is James. He saw you on the news a few months ago, at a press conference with Rossi, and has been asking about you ever since."

I frowned and looked at Garcia, who was wide-eyed staring at Anderson. I had no idea what was going on. It was bizarre.

- "No, thank you?"- I whispered, not even sure of what I should answer at that- "I'm very flattered, Grant, but… I'm really not looking for someone right now."

- "You are not?"- Garcia asked me, and I just shook my head.

- "No, I have too much going on in my life, with work and… well… what we do…"

- "Really?"- Anderson sounded a little disappointed- "Well, in case you change your mind, James is…"

- "(Y/N)? Can I talk to you for a second?"- Garcia grabbed my arm and crawled me to a side of the bar.

- "What? What is it?"

- "Munchkin, you know I love you."

- "Yes, I love you too, PG."

- "That's why I feel like I need to be honest with you, ‘cos you've always been so sweet, and we've known each other for years now, and I feel like if I don't tell you this, you are never going to forgive me."- Penelope was nearly hyperventilating as she spoke.

- "Ok, what is it? You are scaring me."

- "You have to tell Reid how you feel."

- "What?"

- "He has to know! You have to tell him!"

- "I don't wanna talk about what, Penelope"- I tried to walk away from her, but she stopped me, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back.

- "No, (Y/N). He loves you, I'm not a profiler, I don't even play one on tv, but I am sure what I see in his eyes when he looks at you is love… ‘cos it's the same you have when you look at him!"

- "Son of a bitch!!"- the words escaped my lips as my heart nearly left my chest.

- "No, (Y/N)!"- but Garcia lost my attention that second, ‘cos all I could see was Spencer Walter Reid walking into the bar and Ashley Seaver hanging from his arm.

- "What do you want me to tell him, Garcia? To have fun with his new girlfriend?"- I pointed at the door, and her jaw nearly hit the floor.

- "Ok, no. There has to be a reasonable explanation for that!"

- "Yes, but Spencer being in love with me is not the explanation. I'm gonna get a drink."

Spencer's point of view

I was surprised to get Ashley's phone call that night. When my phone rang, I was ready to go to bed. My head was killing me. I had already scheduled an appointment with the doctor for some exams. I was starting to have a bad feeling about what those headaches really were, and I was too scared to tell anyone what was going on. Not even (Y/N).

Actually, of all people, she was the one I wanted to keep in the dark. Why? ‘Cos ever since we met she had taken care of me, I didn't think it was fair. She had taken me into her life and given me a place in it. And sometimes, I felt I was a burden. She helped me overcome all of my traumas and even my drug addiction. She introduced me to her best friends and made me part of her life. (Y/N) had taken trips with me to Las Vegas just to see my mom, ‘cos she knew it was hard for me to do it on my own. If it hadn't been for her, I would have probably spent over a year without visiting her. Now, we took a weekend to see mom every few months.

Why would I trouble her with some headaches? It wasn't fair.

When Ashley called, for a moment, I thought it might be (Y/N), asking me to pick her up. But no. It wasn't her that time.

- "Hey Spence, I'm sorry to bother you, but… are you at Anderson's party?"

- "No, actually, I'm in my house."

- "Why? I thought you were invited too."

- "Yeah, I know, and I was, but I'm kind of tired, and I wanted to come home and get some rest. Why? Are you at the party?"

- "No, but I was getting ready to go. But now I feel kind of awkward asking you."

- "What? What is it?"

- "I just… wanted to know if you could come with me. I'm so sorry, Spence, I didn't know you were tired. I just… I wanted to go to the party, but I feel kind of silly going alone. I wanted to ask Prentiss, but she left with (Y/N) and Garcia, and I felt so awkward asking…"

I wanted to groan, roll in my bed and hide under my pillow. But Ashley was the new girl, and she deserved to have some fun.

- "Don't worry, I'll take you there,"- I know I whispered my answer ‘cos I didn't really want to do it, but somehow I felt it was my duty.

- "Really?!"- and by the excitement in Ashley's voice, it was clear that was what she wanted to hear.

- "I'll pick you up in half an hour, ok?"

- "Thank you so much, Spence!!"

But when I walked into the bar, I knew I had made a mistake. I felt it in my guts. The same intuition I never followed in my personal life, only on the field.

I quickly looked around as Ashley held on to my arm tightly and walked into the bar with a big smile. I soon found Prentiss and JJ talking at a table filled with empty glasses, and my heart jumped inside my chest at the warm, familiar feeling that my friends gave me. I missed JJ very much. And not just as a team member but as a friend who had been taken away from us. (Y/N) always said I didn't know how to deal with change, neither did she, and the shifts in the team always affected me.

Soon I saw Morgan too, talking with Anderson and some other agents. Garcia had to be close then, but I couldn't see her or (Y/N) anywhere around.

- "Come on! Let's get a drink!"- Ashley said and crawled me to the bar.

- "I don't drink and drive"- I said, and she pouted.

- "Come on! You are no fun! Just one!"

- "No, just water. Thanks,"- I turned and scanned the place. Everybody was there, and they seemed to be having fun. Penelope waved and walked to me suddenly. She cut me a short smile and grabbed my arm.

- "Hey, what the hell are you doing here?"

- "I didn't want to come, but Ashley insisted and…"

- "Hi!"- Ashley appeared by our side and handed me a bottle of water- "I'm so excited to be here! We really needed to decompress after everything that happened this week, right Garcia?"

Penelope stared at us, trying to formulate an answer. I could see her making her bet to say something, but she just didn't. Instead, she just turned around and walked away.

- "Is she ok?"- I didn't know how to answer that, ‘cos Penelope's reaction surprised me. Ashley just looked around and grabbed my arm again.

- "Come on, Spencer! Let's dance!"

- "No, I don't… dance, sorry."

Lucky for me, Prentiss showed up and invited us to sit with her at her table. I don't know if she noticed I was uncomfortable, but I was glad to see her. Being in that bar made me feel pretty awkward and exposed.

I had never been much of a party person. I wasn't used to bars and gatherings until I joined the BAU. When I first met Derek, he tried to take me out a few times and be my wingman. It's obvious he failed at that mission. Meeting people at a bar is the most complicated equation I could ever try to solve. It doesn't work for me, no matter how hard Derek pushed me to do it. He said I had to rely on what made me feel comfortable. But no. It wasn't that I couldn't meet people. It was that I didn't want to meet anyone once I met the woman of my dreams. Even when I knew she could never be mine.

When (Y/N) came along, she started hosting these fun "dinner parties" with Frank, Lu, and Mikey, which changed everything. It was the first time I was hanging out with people my age doing things I actually liked doing. It wasn't about drinking or picking girls in a bar. It was about playing Jenga, or charades, eating pizza, and talking about movies and sometimes even books.

(Y/N) said her friends considered me part of the gang, which was all I ever wanted to hear. That I belonged. It's kind of sad when you think about it, but I don't care. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere, and they made me feel like I was one of them. They took me to their rock shows, and I jumped along with the crowd, knowing I wasn't an outcast there. I was with my friends.

You don't know how good that made me feel. And for years, they were my social comfort and cocoon. Then, when Rossi joined the BAU again, he started hosting fancy dinner parties at his house, and I got to hang out with the whole team without being at a bar, pushed to meet people. And it was so good. (Y/N) always said Rossi's arrival had a cohesive effect on us. Not because he brought us together, but the circumstances of his arrival and everything that happened that first year.

This team is no stranger to trauma, and that's a fact. I think Rossi's dinner parties gave us a space to be ourselves, relax, have a few drinks and enjoy our time together. I think that's when we stepped from being friends to be family.

And I hadn't had one before.

I hugged JJ tight as soon as I saw her smiling at me. I hadn't seen her ever since her goodbye party, over two months before, but we had talked on the phone a few times.

- "I've missed you so much, Spence!!"- she said and held my face with both hands- "You and (Y/N) owe me two babysit nights,"- and I laughed, thinking we promised we'd take care of Henry so she and Will could have a date, but we were called for a case.

- "Wait! It was one night!"- I argued, chuckling- "Why is it two nights now?"

- "‘Cos I lost a very exclusive reservation due to the two of you."

- "Technically, it wasn't our fault, we were called in for a case..."

I smiled and sat next to JJ, and Prentiss sat next to me. Ashley stood by the table and smiled at JJ. Right, they didn't even know each other.

- "It's very nice to meet you, Agent Jareau. The team talks very highly of you,"- she shook JJ's hand and smiled.

- "Ashley, right? Prentiss was just telling me you will be taking your remedial training at the BAU. Congratulations, it's a fantastic team to work with."

- "Thank you,"- I took a look around, still trying to find my best friend around. But it seemed useless, and I was starting to feel worried.

- "Where's (Y/N)?"- I had to ask.

- "She was with Anderson a minute ago,"- Penelope said and looked around- "I am going to look for her and bring her here in a second. I'll be right back."

And so, she was gone.

Prentiss and I pretty much interrogated JJ about her new job and the new team she worked with at the pentagon. I sipped my water and half-listened her answer, ‘cos most of my head was trying to register what was going on around me. No, actually, I was trying to find (Y/N). Penelope had been gone for half an hour looking for her, and I was starting to think something weird was going on. Besides, my head was killing me, and all I wanted was to go home. But I hadn't seen JJ in weeks, and I couldn't waste a chance like that.

Ashley talked with Prentiss too, and every once in a while, she tried to engage in conversation with me. But to be honest, I couldn't really concentrate on anything. I just wanted to know (Y/N) was alright.

- "Excuse me,"- I stood up slowly and looked at my friends- "I'm going to the bathroom, be right back."

- "Can you get us another round on our way back?"- Prentiss asked and smiled guiltily.

- "Sure."

- "Do you need help?"- Ashley tried to stand up, but Emily stopped her.

- "He got it, don't worry."

So I was left on my own. I walked around the bar. In my mind, I kept telling myself I was "looking for the bathroom," but I knew very well I was indeed trying to find (Y/N). I had been in that bar for an hour, and I still hadn't seen her. I was worried.

I walked around the bar and found Anderson. He seemed to be a little shocked to see me there but smiled and hugged me. It was weird hugging people, still. But Anderson was part of the team. It always felt like it. We had known each other for years, and somehow it was like he was in the background of our daily basics.

- "Have you seen (Y/N)?"- I asked him, and he widened his eyes- "What?"

- "Yeah, she's right there, actually… "- Grant Anderson pointed and turned around- "Later, Reid."

- "Bye"- I didn't even look at him. I just turned and looked around to see (Y/N).

But my best friend didn't notice me. She was too busy kissing some guy.

I stood in front of her, not knowing what to do. Her eyes were closed, and her arms were around his neck, so clearly, she wasn't in distress, and no matter how badly I wanted to take her from him, I just couldn't.

For a minute, I couldn't believe my eyes. I just stood there and stared at (Y/N), trying to understand what was going on. I always knew she wasn't meant to be mine, but I had never gotten such a brutal reminder. Not even when she was dating Paul. Watching her kissing someone else was shocking. The way that man put his hands on her waist and held her close to him, just like I always dreamt of doing, was painful.

Painful. That was the only word I can explain how it felt.

I stood there for a minute or so. I really don't know how long it was, but it felt long enough to burn in my memory everything I needed to torture myself with for the rest of my life. I stepped back after a minute. It might have been longer; I really can't recall. And all I managed to do was to walk out of the bar and reach my car.

I opened the door and slammed it as I sat behind the wheel. I wanted to cry and yell. But I didn't do either of those. Instead, I stayed still, staring at the nothing in front of me, trying to erase that fresh memory from my head. But it was impossible. (Y/N) was making out with some guy inside that bar, and there was nothing I could do to stop her. So I did the only thing I could do at that minute. I started the car and got the fuck out of there.

–

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 23th, 2021

[whatisgoingonpaul]

Looking at the deleted scenes

so my last post looking into a scene to hear what they said was a deleted scene and that honestly got me on a kick now about looking though them all. This one is mainly going to be just taking about them/details more then a what I heard post. So here we go.

1- fighting over rooms

This was in the script and the book but never made it into the film, Sam was in the room Michael wanted and they fought for it. So this scene is the context behind Sam bolting down the stairs “MOM PLEASE! Ma! You gotta help me!” “S o o n”

Sam’s got a serious comic collection, which he organises(I see the hulk but no Batman)

Sam mumbling the song he later sings in the tub!! (Ain’t got no home)

“oh no no no, this is MY room. You, spidey and richie rich and the rest of the boys are outta here.” Michael I love you.

“My way or the highway bud” Sam I love you

Michael: I’ll flip you for it *LITERALLY PICKS SAM UP AND FLIPS HIM UPSIDE DOWN*

Sam bites this man in the leg- Michael also notably mumbles ‘lil shit’ as his brother rushes away laughing

Y’all I am in LOVE they are literally just siblings

2- Kitchen that night

This was also script/book. I mean duh because it’s a deleted scene. Basically just talking after dinner

Lucy has two big pictures of her mother ‘hi mom’

Sam is trying to fix the stereo but it keeps popping also Sam wearing the bandana! Cutie lmao

The stereo starts playing lost in the shadows (also like how when Dwayne hits it, it plays good times)

Michaels “sammmmmmm”

Michael just “I dunno if I’m going back to school” he dead ass went ✨I wanna drop out✨

Sam swoops in and starts dancing with Lucy it’s to cute I’m gonna explode

Sam and Lucy dragging him in , Sam straight up head locking Mike and Lucy’s dance is gonna

3- extension of Michael following star

Honestly this should have stayed in. It gives star a bit more character and it also makes Michael slightly less creepy in his actions. THIS IS WHERE THE PHOTO OF LADDIE COMES FROM!

Star: are you following me?*laugh*

Michael, confidently: yea, I am

Star:

How star is laughing and smacking gum watching this dork

Laddie like :0 the whole time

The way she says “well, talk” In a half laugh

SAM ACTUALLY CUTS THEM OFF FROM THEIR CONVO WITH “moms here” that’s why she goes off

LADDIE NOTICING SAMS VAMPIRES EVERYWHERE COMIC!!

“She wants me , all of me” - Sam Emerson 1987

4- Michaels job

Self explanatory, honestly I think this scene should have been kept in for little more past actually establishing that the movie is longer then a few days. Really it’s more like a few weeks

The drunk dude laying on the beach left over from the night before

Hhhhhhhh shirtless Michael hhhhhh

SAM AND THE FUN TUBE I REMEMBER THIS FROM THE BOOK

This kid is trying to read a comic in the ocean

Sam gets splashed by the surf nazis

Michael gets tricked by hair lmao

5- video store that afternoon

Weird note but Maria is called Marie? However in all media she’s called Maria??

Marie gives her little backstory, how she owes max

Max is busy during the day you see

Lucy is such a sweetie “there’s my boys! :D” “my sons my sons”

Michael trying to give Lucy his left over Christmas money and all that 🥺

Sams “bye mike!”

6- talking again

Second night extended talks

They used to come spend summers in Santa Carla

M: where’s your little brother?

S: hes not my little brother

The audio cut out :(

7-

Grandpa asks Lucy about her boss “oh you know him?” “Oh I’ve seen him around”

GRANDPA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

“Yea if i knew I was gonna live this long I woulda taken better care of myself”

8- morning

Sam watching the stuffed mountain lion

Nanook going after the rears of the stuffed hunting dogs- sir-

“Chill out Nanook”

Sam gets noosy and looks in on the Taxidermy and Grandpa chooses to gross him out lmao

“Nanook, this is my life , I come from a broken home. My mom works all day, my brother SLEEPS all day and my grandfathers possibly a alien who stuffs chipmunks” SAM I LOVE YOU

Sam sneaks a bit of grandpas weed

I’m going to sob I’m gonna sob it’s like a bit of the leaf! Sam baby never change

Grandpa walks in- Sam gets offended and tells him to stop with the Indian walk (this implies that he just straight up sneaks up on Sam non stop lmao I love him)

This blends into the “let’s go to town” scene

9- Michaels “morning after

The video I’m watching titled it this and I’m losing my shit so I’m keeping it. ALSO AGAIN THE MAGGOTS AND THE BRIDGE SCENE ARENT ON THE SAME NIGHT. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN KEPT IN TO ESTABLISH THAT

Michael not being able to lift his weights

“I can’t remember to much, not after the Chinese food that looked like maggots” Sam slowly putting down his apple lmao

“Hey mike, you think grandpas a alien?”

Mike “mom and I didn’t wanna tell you two early” lmao

Nanook and Michaels salty feet. I still don’t get this part

“That was some pretty funky Chinese food”

MICHAEL IS NOT WEARING ANYTHING UNDER THE ROBE AND HE HAS FUCKING TIGHTY WHITIES

Mike just placing his full hand over sams face

10-

Went over this last night

Max having thorn sit shot gun

His baseball cap that’s it just his hat

11- max and Lucy date pre phone call

Again for  character development , like star. Like he doubles as a love interest and villain you think they’d leave the little parts with him in it in the movie

Max saying “I know what it’s like to be alone”

He says protecting mother in Latin(I think?) then English - NERD

“Lioness with her Cubs” she laughs THEYRE REALLY CUTE- STOP

“I think my mothering days are just about over” “well, they don’t have to be” SUBTLE

Max trying to show off with a fancy order shsisososososos

Max goes all out and spoils with the expensive order and Lucy is all !!! ☺️ no one touch me

They’re actually really cute and it makes me so mad they cut out moments like this for him and star? Because even with these they don’t get that much time but they get that much more character

13- Mike they’re here! Introductions

Should have been kept simply because there’s a huge gap

“This guy looks more like a zombie”

“Should I run him though?”

MICHAELS EYELINER

Mike is so sarcastic

“David! It’s David isn’t it?! He’s the leader! David ansisosososoos” mikes deflated “yea”

In conclusion these all should have stayed in the film and I am still upset over this. Also if there’s any more or any one that I missed: gimme

[crybabyddl]

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO REITERATE SOMETHING

Yes, let’s circle back to the beautiful performance of Edge of Great. More specifically the BODY LANGUAGE, particularly Julie and Luke’s, which I will be analyzing with gifs.

Exhibit A

Jealous Luke looks over at Julie and Reggie vibing

Julie is aware that she’s avoiding Luke, which she is doing so bc she realized her feelings for him thanks to Flynn earlier in the episode.

Since Julie has put the task of ignoring Luke upon herself even though she has no obligation to, she ends up failing her own mission. She sees Luke’s reaction to the lack of her attention.

She literally FREEZES. She’s emotionally worried to confront what she’s feeling and it’s beginning to manifest physically.

Exhibit B

It gets better y’all. After Luke finally has even a crumb of Julie’s attention, he beckons her over with his signature head tilt. This is important bc he did this with his longtime bandmate during the soundcheck of what would’ve been their biggest performance. If he feels comfortable enough using that body language with a girl he’s only known for, what, a week and a half(?) then you know this puppy boy’s got it BAD.

Julie is well aware that Luke is getting jealous. But in classic Julie fashion, she will try to tune it out instead of addressing it. Our wicked beauty doesn’t like confrontation and would rather just deny and avoid than potentially make things awkward, especially when she knows Luke would ask her about it at a later time.

The look on Julie’s face. Her eyes widen and the classic tight-lipped awkward smile is present. She’s literally saying “ok enough of that let’s get back to work doo doo doo” with her face. The way her body SWINGS back into performance mode as she faces the audience again. It may have been a split second, but when you’re deliberately trying to avoid looking into the dreamy (dead) eyes of someone you shouldn’t be crushing on, any amount of time feels too long. Plus, she knows Flynn is watching and doesn’t want her to lecture her (but she does anyway bc Flynn is observant and knows her bestie too well to let any action slip past her).

Exhibit C

Keep in mind; NONE OF THE GUYS KNOW WHY JULIE IS AVOIDING LUKE. Flynn, Alex, and Reggie have noticed the Juke chemistry, but it’s still too soon for them to get past the “we like each other but we’re too clueless to notice that we reciprocate” phase, so even though their respective besties know, they are still denying. Besides, Reg, Alex, and Flynn know better than to keep pestering if they want to keep their kneecaps. In reality they’re both smart enough to tell by this point, but for the sake of the plot and to make everything more adorably frustrating, Flynn has the collective brain cell under lock and key, leaving Juke to be like *dog tilting its head and making that “a-roo?” noise*

Anyway, Reggie notices Luke being snubbed after realizing that his extra dose of Julie time was slightly out of the ordinary. Luke is clearly concerned (look at his eyebrows and how his eyes travel from Reggie, to Julie, then to the audience to trying and get his mind off it and bring his focus back to the main goal; the performance.) If he can’t have the moment of connection with Julie that he so desperately craves, he’s gonna fill that void as best he can by connecting with the audience. >:’)

But Reggie’s trying to help Luke brush it off by conveying his reaction as ‘look at julie coming into her own! i told you she was a star! and you thought you were the lead singer? think again buddy this girl’s got you beat!’

But since Reggie isnt a master at hiding his feelings yet, especially around Luke, —who was able to get under his skin earlier (“girls, am i right?”)—Luke was easily able to see through that and interpreted what Reggie was saying as “look at julie go, she all in the zone. you’re literally making heart eyes at her get a grip you’re slacking lmao” (hence luke’s right eyebrow quirking at reggie like ‘dude seriously gimme a break u know i need attention like tinkerbell’) even though Reggie’s true message was a bit less harsh and more lovingly teasing, but it’s Luke, he sees things through his eyes and at his intensity, regardless of who it’s coming from. (This is one of the reasons why Luke comes off as selfish at times.)

Exhibit D

Poor Lukey boi can’t seem to catch a break today! Not only does Julie ignore him, then has a cute lil (platonic but it’s luke so it still makes him jealous >:P) moment, but now she has the AUDACITY to interact with Alex? The guy who was out learning Ghost 101 with this Willie guy instead of rehearsing with the band? What gives?! What’s he got that your moody ghost bf doesn’t? >:’(

He literally just watches, and even glances back in a way that, to me, screams ‘did i see that right? did i just see what i just saw with my own dreamy (but dead) eyes? say sike rn.’ \_(*_*)_/

Meanwhile, Alex pays no mind. I like to think that Alex is fully aware that Luke is an angry boy rn, but has learned to ignore it, especially this bc literally NOTHING happened. Either that or Alex has no clue and just truly thinks nothing of it and is having too much fun to think about Luke’s moody and childish behavior. Either way, Alex is just straight chilling and we love to see it *^_^*

Notice how Reggie is right there vibing with Julie and Alex. Luke feels a bit betrayed like ‘not you too! i know you were the first to turn on me but i figured since you’re such a golden retriever you’d be loyal and come back to my side!😠🥲’

Also; Luke approaches the rest of the group, wanting to be included in at least SOME of the vibing, but when Julie starts dancing and smiling with her buddy Alex, he backs up like

“you know what? nope. nevermind. not doin’ it.”

and the group’s like “i mean hey it’s your loss, but luke we want you to-”

“no, bc you chose to piss me off right in front of my face so no luke time for any of you! no cuddles, no hugs, no nothing! you made your bed, now lie in it and perish.”

Exhibit E & F: This is where it gets a bit interesting and theorized hehe...

Now we all know that this moment is just fucking ICONIC

WEOWH NEOW NEOW!!! WEOW NEHR NEHR NER-NER-NER NEHR NEHR NEOWHR!!! (wer nehr-nehr-ner-ner-nehr-nehr!!) WUEHNER-NEUHNER-NEHR-NEEOW-NEOWH! DLOOLOODDUH-DOODLAH-HOOBLUEH-NEOWHR-NEUEHR-NEEEEEEUOWRH!!!!

But hear me out– HEAR ME OUT!

What if... now don’t shoot the messenger who just so happens to also be the theorist... but what if...

WHAT IF!!! Luke didn’t!! plan this?!!!

Listen i know you’re probably thinking:

“Well uh Nicole, isn’t that kinda the whole point? It literally wasn’t planned until Charlie realized Madi was gonna be standing on the piano so he suggested the idea for the guitar solo to Kenny.”

And you’re right! But here’s the kicker:

What if Luke THE CHARACTER, just decided to do this as an “Alright that’s it! You wanna be like that? Well what if I just hit you with my super awesome radical totally cool wowza guitar skills & make a moment between us? Huh? What do you think about that? Hmm? HMMM???!!!”

He licks his lips & that to me read** like he was nervous (**read rhyming with bed just to clarify) so that means it could’ve been a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

In the second gif, you can see that Julie’s head is tilted, as if she’s a bit confused, but she’s also delightfully surprised.

Julie is quick to smile and scrunch her nose at Luke, something she does often. It tells Luke his impulsive action garnered a positive response from his favorite girl. Julie also starts to shake her head, but doesn’t go through the motion in full, which means she’s still a bit nervous to let her guard down. This is probably because she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what he will do next. The lopsided smile mixed with the suave, gliding steps towards her probably brought her back to her daydream lol.

Luke’s happy bc Julie’s no longer ignoring him. He smiles like a GOOBER bc this chump is simping HARD for our Julie. So cute! :’)

Exhibit G

And hear me when I offer this:

What if Luke poofed the guys out???

I know, I know. It’s a bold claim to make. But the boys are special, considering they are a threat to Caleb (3 gay-variant himbos vs. a gay magician that could’ve been on broadway but decided to make some sort of deal with a devil so he just entertains capitalists who most likely sold their souls to get into the hgc which i will probably elaborate on in a future theory so dont do that bc im gonna lmao idc we all have big brains) So it’s not too crazy to think that they could share some ghost powers.

We know Caleb transported the guys during You Got Nothing to Lose. And the guys have left a place at the exact same time on more than one occasion.

And you may be thinking “well what if the guys poofed out to give juke a moment alone together?” And to that I say...

Look at Reggie. He isn’t looking back at Alex like “dude let’s give them some space.”

The timing of him turning around, at least to me, makes me think Reggie was surprised by Luke approaching the piano. (But also he lowkey was waiting for Luke to prove him wrong by doing something to get Julie’s attention so Reggie isn’t mad. Neither is Alex but he doesn’t like being told how or WHEN to ghost) Luke doesn’t even give his bandmates a warning eyebrow quirk, a hand signal, nothing. Reggie turns to Alex like ‘dude what is he DOING?’ And before he can even really convey that, they go *POOF*

This man had a plan and he was gonna do it, so he did. Whether it’s the power of love, they stopped performing, or Reggie and Alex actually poofed out, the odds worked in Luke’s favor so he and Julie could have a super special moment, a moment special enough to make an actual living person (Nick) wonder if a “hologram” has a better chance at connecting with Julie than he does.

Again, regardless of who made them poof or how they poofed, they mf poofed so Luke’s a happy hamster. (Idk it just sounded fitting instead of happy camper lol wait what if someone had 3 pet hamsters and named them alex reggie and luke🥺 someone buy some hamsters and let me be their godmother or their aunt and i’ll love them from afar.) Anyway, Luke’s thriving, flourishing, his crops are going to grow in time for the harvest.

You can see Julie lean back as she turns to see Luke. It’s... almost as if... She. Wasn’t. Expecting. Him. To. Be. There..??

Honey badger Luke bc he DGAF <|:) Bitch, it’s Luke mf Patterson and he’s gonna,, GET! IN! YOUR! FAAAACE!!!

You CANNOT tell me he’s not doing the absolute MOST to try and seduce Miss Juliana Mariposa Rose Molina.

Yes I’m making a headcanon that Julie has TWO middle names and that one of them is the spanish word for butterfly and that the other is her mother’s name. Also yes, I believe (i believe that we’re just one dream away from who we’re– oh, that’s not what we’re doing? okay, sorry!) that Juliana is Julie’s full name.

In this house we love and respect Juliana Mariposa (Dahlia)** Rose Molina

**I’m just putting Dahlia there for fun bc I can. :) Whether I’d consider it a possible middle name of hers depends. Anyway I just thought it was a cute thing to add bc it goes along with the other middle names I gave her *^_^* Also, I feel like I made a post giving a bunch of the characters middle names lemme see if I can find it later)

Ok i’m done this took me basically all day from like 10am until 4:08. I obviously took breaks in between, but not long ones...😶