#and like it truly wasn’t their fault but the actions they took really fucked me up

[meowcentral]

i received an olive branch from someone who really severely broke my heart today and I’m conflicted

[zoesmp4]

NERVOUS “you’ve got me nervous to speak.” carl grimes x fem!reader

tags: angst to fluff, use of y/n, cussing

a/n: back from the dead!! sorta based on nervous by the nbhd, and there’s also a little tsitp steven and taylor action that i used for inspiration. lyrics r in bold + italics or in between paras. enjoy lovelies!!

the bond between you and carl was truly inseparable. you two had been through it all together, and never once had either of you thought about ending it all.

that was until now.

god, you don’t know how you found yourself in this situation. he’s just a friend. he’s always been just a friend. that’s what you believed, and that’s what you always told people. 

so how come, all of a sudden, he started becoming more than that? how come, out of the blue, you started getting butterflies at his gaze? it was an unfamiliar feeling, and you didn’t like it. you didn’t like it at all. 

you didn’t wanna do anything to jeopardize your beloved friendship, especially over something so dumb. you weren’t gonna lose everything all because of a stupid crush. so, after ages of decision making, you finally set your mind on a reasonable solution.

should i be quiet?

you were just gonna take some time to yourself. you were gonna stop talking to him for a bit. that’s all you needed, just some space. it couldn’t be that hard to lose feelings. besides, he would understand, right?

he in fact did not understand. “wanna come over? i just finished reading that comic you wanted.” he said, a grin plastered onto his face. “not today.” you quickly shut him down, and you could see the happiness on his face slowly fade away.

“oh, that’s fine. tomorrow?” you felt so bad. you really did wanna hang out with him, but you had to push away these feelings first. “i just need some time to myself for a while.”

your felt your heart pang when you looked at his expression. he gave you a slight smile, attempting to mask his disappointment. but you knew him. you knew him well enough to know he was upset. “yeah, i get it. i’ll see you later y/n.” he said, walking away. all of the energy he had when he approached you was long gone now.

it had been days, weeks even. you hadn’t uttered a word to him. so why wasn’t it working? why did you still long for him? it was so frustrating. 

not to mention, you were a mess. you would often find yourself with your head buried deep within your pillow, sniffling as tears flowed down your cheeks. on top of that, you weren’t getting enough sleep. you just missed carl. 

you figured the best thing you could do for yourself was to just get some fresh air. after all, it was no use trying to fix stuff with carl, you already fucked it all up. 

you took in the breeze, as you fiddled with your fingers. if it was a normal day, you would’ve been happy. you loved the cold, but today it was different. today, it made you feel numb. it made everything worse. 

you tried getting it off your mind. you tried to think about other things, but you couldn’t stop thinking about the look he had on his face the last time you talked to him. his smile was wiped clean off his face, and it was all your fault. 

you started to feel your eyes prick with tears. a single drop slowly traveled down your face, and you quickly wiped it off with your sleeve. 

you just wanted to cry, but you weren’t gonna let yourself do it out in the public. after all, once you started crying, you weren’t gonna stop. so, you turned around and picked up the pace. you were headed back home, where you could be vulnerable. 

your head was faced down, trying to hide your glassy eyes from anyone who could potentially see. “y/n?” you hear someone call out to you. the voice sounded familiar, and you instantly knew who it was without even lifting your head in the slightest. 

it was carl. you had to get away. just pretend you didn’t hear him, you thought to yourself. your footsteps quickened, until you heard his pleading voice once again. 

“just talk to me. please. is it something i said? i’m sorry for whatever i did.” 

“you didn’t do anything. it’s me. it’s all my fucking fault because my stupid self caught feelings for her best friend.” you wanted to say, but you restrained yourself. 

you finally came to a stop, turning around to face him. as soon as you met his gaze, you wanted to cry the hardest you’d ever cried before. 

he slowly stepped closer to you until his taller figure was in close in front of you. “can you please talk to me? you know i won’t get mad. you know i’m listening. so please, just please tell me what’s been bothering you.” he begged, his eyes softening. 

you let out a sigh, still sniffling. “it’s not your fault carl.” you said, your voice barely audible. “then what is it?” he said, keeping his voice at the same, calm volume. 

“i-i like you, and it’s really embarrassing.” you confess. you instantly regret your choice of words when you see a frown start to appear on his face. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but that was really fucking mean.” he says, about to walk away.

“no, carl. it’s embarrassing because of how much i like you.” there it is. that’s what you’ve been holding in. it felt weird hearing the words coming out of your mouth. “how is that embarrassing?” he questioned, the tender look started to come back on his face. 

ask me and ill tell you how i’ve been

“i- it’s like i forgot how to act around you. i’m always scared i’m gonna mess up. you’ve got me nervous to speak.”

that was the last thing you managed to get out before he pulled you into his chest for a tight hug. the dam holding your tears back broke.

the wetness stained his shirt, but he didn’t care. he rubbed your back with his arm, soothing you. you missed his embrace, the feeling you would get when you were in his arms felt heavenly.

after a few more seconds of the hug, carl shifted his hands to your shoulders. he softly pushed you back a little bit to get a look at your face.

he reached for your face to wipe any tears. “m’ sorry for ignoring you.” you said, voice soft and quiet. he shook his head, giving you a gentle smile. 

“you’re okay sweet girl, don’t worry about it.” he said. “i-it’s not okay. i ignored you for so long, i just cut you off like that. without a single warning. it was so inconsiderate and i’m really sor-” 

hush, baby, don’t you say another word

“you never shut up do you?” he said, cutting you off mid sentence before he crashed his lips onto yours. your eyes widened, and your movements froze before you slowly adjusted to the kiss. your eyes fluttered closed before you hesitantly tilted your head to get closer.

this was a new experience for the both of you, but it felt like he had years of practice. the way his hands made their way around your body, it sent shivers down your spine.  

after what seemed like an eternity, you both pulled away. the sounds of your mixed heavy breaths filled the air. carl’s hand reached for your face before he wiped your slightly smudged chapstick. 

he then tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. the gesture made the butterflies in your stomach act up more than they ever had in your life. 

i got goosebumps all over me

“next time, just let me know what’s on your mind, yeah?” he asks. “okay.” you say, looking at him with pure admiration. “that’s my girl.” 

[ruskaroma]

First time with John Wick plssssssssssssssssssss

I truly think that the first time with John would be loving yet rough. I’m sorry, but that’s just how I paint him out to be.

He’s a killer, so it’s no surprise that his hands are naturally heavy and rough. He would touch your body with those large, dangerous hands, forever tainting it with his cruelty and brutality, making you submit yourself to his mercy.

For a man with few words, John sure does have his ways to make you shake and crumble under his touch while he says the most filthy, diabolical shit that could make even the devil blush. For some reason, he just finds you so beautiful wrecked and fucked that he can’t keep his words to himself.

The first time the two of you had sex, it was because he was jealous. You knew he was jealous but he didn’t admit that he was, and that was enough answer for you to get fucked as soon as the two of you arrived at your apartment.

It was a miracle that you managed to make him come with you to a company party even though all he did all night was stand beside you like he’s your bodyguard. Well, in a sense, he was your bodyguard, but his particular outfit that night got your co-workers wondering how the hell you were able to afford one.

John had kept his hand on the small of your back the majority of the night, like that was enough to show everybody that he was not only your bodyguard but also your very loving boyfriend who tolerated everyone in that room just for you.

But when he left to go to the bathroom and came back to a sight of another man being too friendly to you, John only realized that the whole “hand on the back” wasn’t enough to shoo those motherfuckers away.

John settled himself beside you again, but this time, he made sure to wrap his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to his warmth, pretending like the other man beside you wasn’t there, because John could really not bother to care.

“Have I left you for too long?” 

“What?” You furrowed your brows, confused.

John didn’t answer after that, but he did glance at the man who was already staring at him and his actions the moment he arrived. He also didn’t introduce himself, the man simply didn’t deserve it.

“Uh, is he your boyfriend?” The man interjected, and you felt John’s fingers twitch gripping your waist.

“Oh–uh, yeah, he is,” you replied sheepishly, then turning your head to smile tightly at John who was just raising a brow at you. “You probably thought he was my bodyguard, eh? Everyone’s been saying that the moment we arrived.”

“Yeah, I thought that, too,” he laughed awkwardly.

The conversation soon died out. Maybe it had something to do with the man just feeling really awkward because he truly didn’t know John was your boyfriend, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that John had been staring at him dead in the eyes threateningly while you weren’t looking.

When the two of you were on your way home, John had been dead silent with his hand on your thigh the only thing indicating that he’s not as mad as he made himself out to be and he was just really jealous. You know a jealous man when you see one, you just didn’t think you’d see John being jealous first hand.

“Come on, babe, you really not going to speak?” You whined from your seat, grabbing his rough hand to your softer ones as you placed a kiss on the back of it. When you didn’t get a reaction, you pouted childishly. “Jooohhnnnn. Babeeeeee. Babyyyyy.”

John still didn’t react. He kept his eyes on the road.

“You’re for real ignoring me because you’re jealous? Really, John? Bit childish, isn’t it?”

Then, his eyes narrowed as he ripped his focus on the road and onto yours. “I’m not jealous.”

“So that gets you talking?”

“Because I’m not jealous.”

“Sure, sure.” You nodded your head like you’re convinced, and you saw John turned his attention back on the road again. You took this opportunity to continue poking at him. “I mean, it was kinda your fault that he assumed I was single.”

John hit the brakes too hard than usual at the red light, and that was enough to prove your theory that he was, in fact, jealous.

He looked at you offended, and it was kinda hard to believe that you were getting to see that expression on his face first hand considering he rarely ever shows any emotions.

“You know I’m not very big on PDA,” he grumbled under his breath. “I thought my hand on your back was enough. Clearly he didn’t get the memo.”

“So you are jealous?”

Again, he didn’t respond. For a very dangerous well known assassin, John was sure as hell a bit childish when it came to you, but you liked that about him. That only meant he trusted you enough to feel vulnerable around you, show you a side of him he never showed to any one else.

John parked his car in the parking lot and the two of you walked in comfortable silence. You had your arm tangled with his, walking side by side until you reached the elevator. It was only then you had felt the touch of his hand on your ass.

“Well, well, well… Is John Wick finally making the first move?”

Maybe teasing him was a bad idea, because your smirk was immediately wiped off when you’re thrown against the wall and creating a loud bang.

“John, holy shit, I don’t wanna pay for the damage–”

“Shut up,” he growled under his breath, ducking his face down and inhaling your scent, opening his mouth to suck the skin, his sharp teeth bruising your neck that you yelped and wrapped your arms around his broad back. 

“J–John, please don’t fuck me here–I wanna get fu–fucked on a real bed for our first time–”

Before he could even answer, the elevator’s door opened and he hauled himself off you in a matter of seconds. An old woman walked in, not bothering to look at the two of you as she pressed on the button to go up. You’re one floor above, you and John were just sharing side glances the entire ride.

When you reached your floor, John was the one to grip your wrist and pull you out of the elevator, already getting your keys in his suit pocket while you trip and giggle following behind him.

“I’m so excited–”

“I’m glad you find this amusing.”

“Are you kidding? I’m about to get fucked by my boyfriend for the first time in our relationship, of course I’m excited.”

Once John opened the door, he pushed you inside in no time and slammed it behind him. “Who said anything about fucking you?”

“What?” You pouted, growing confused. 

“What if I don’t want to? What if I think you don’t deserve my cock?”

And instantly, you flushed at the words that came out of his mouth that you couldn’t reply anything other than a gasp when he launched himself forward and pressed his lips to you. His beard tickled your chin as his hands went behind your thighs, lifting you off the floor and wrapped your legs around his body.

“I was holding myself back for so long, I was doing so well, I was waiting for the moment to fuck you in a bed of roses like you deserve, but that guy just had to come in and ruin all my self control,” John said against your mouth, pressing his hard cock in his pants against your already wet cunt as he slammed you against the wall.

“I d–don’t want a bed of roses anyways,” you breathed, moaning at the feeling of his hot, throbbing crotch against your own, wanting nothing but to just pull it out and shove it inside you and ride him all night long, but it seemed like John had another idea of how the night would go. “Please, John, just–just fuck me, come on, I know you want to–”

“I don’t like how that guy was looking at you earlier. Like you were some piece of meat,” he nipped at your neck, you felt another wave of wetness drip out of you just from his voice. “Just want to mark you up, bruise your neck and body just so everyone would know you’re fucking mine–”

“Oh god–”

And that’s how you found yourself with legs spread on the bed with John between them. His right hand was around your throat, his other was gripping your hair hard, and his cock was pounding in and out of you like there was no tomorrow.

He’s so fucking big – so huge, so large, Jesus Christ – and you swore you were squealing like a pig. Your cunt was so sloppy and wet, the sound of your wetness squelching around John’s cock was making you so dizzy and lightheaded, not to mention when he was tightening the hand around your throat every few seconds, you were keening and moaning like a whore as you rambled all your dirty thoughts.

“Oh god–oh god, John, please–please, you feel s–so good–” you moaned, nails digging at his back as the bedpost slammed against the wall with each thrust. “Wanted–wanted this for s–so long. So big and huge and–fuck, I’m gonna–”

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” John commented, letting his eyes wander between your bodies as he watched his thick cock plummeling inside your tight little cunt, clit puffy and sore from him sloppily eating you out earlier and he couldn’t be any more proud. You were so sensitive and reactive, every touch delivered a noise out of you. “Cum on my cock, princess. Make a mess all over my dick and I’ll fill you up so deep you’ll feel me until the next week.”

That was the line that threw you over the edge. Head thrown back and screaming, you held onto his back as you came around his cock, knowing the night was only just beginning.

[34saveme34]

Snowtrapped 2 but it's emotional instead

I barely edited this thing but I must post it <3 I like it too much tbh

anyways light touches of suggestive, and references at snowtrapped obviously, although they don't outright talk about it, no cover this time we die like men

anyways word count: 4602

It started like any other day. With the usual arguments following them, as they perpetrated the intense part of their dynamic. 3 agitated 4, 4 agitated 3, hijinks ensued. It was how it always went these days. The 2 were fine with this… for the most part. The worst part of this was that both of them were sensitive but still liked to mess with each other. They had to walk a thin line for nothing bad to happen. And boy, was that hard. 

It was a snowy day, and 3, 4 and friends went to an especially snowy place as a vacation. They all deserved it. Although, the snow could bring out memories for the 2, it was a bit easier now to push it to the back of their heads. It was the past. It was a different time. They were different. They felt different. They’re friends at this point! Although 3 seemed to deny it a lot, 4 could see through that. Which is also why it was so tragic when he accidentally pushed 3 too hard and had to again see the man upset by his own actions. It always reminded him of the past. Something he had a complex relationship with, as it was something that affected him to this day, with all its differences, similarities and furthermore things that would just confuse him. Confuse him in so many ways. He wished he had answers. Maybe he wished a bit too hard. 

As their snowy hijinks, which they were doing with their friends brought them to an all too familiar situation: being snowed in. No escape. Only each other’s company. It was almost like faith that it was only those 2. Or maybe it was planned, who knows.

“Ugh…” 4 got up as he fell in pretty hard, he was on top of 3, more or less.

“Get off me, you bitch!” 3 quickly pushed him off, annoyed at 4. 

As they got up, looking at the door, both realized what happened. And that they were stuck together.

“You’ve got to be kidding me” both said at the same time which made the 2 glare at each other.

“This is all your fault!” 3 yelled at 4.

“Mine??! How would it be mine?? I wasn’t the one launching a whole damn avalanche!”

“Shut the fuck up” 3 sat down, grabbing at his face. It seemed he was trying to keep at least some sanity.

“No, you shut the fuck up!” 4 said, also sitting down, facing away from 3. 

Truly maturely they stayed like this for a while not uttering a word. But soon, the cold set in.

“Hey… 3…. m… my man” 4 sat beside 3, who looked at him cautiously.

“Yeeees?” he squinted at 4, not trusting him for a second.

“I’m cold”

“Well, shit, 4, I don’t control the weather!”

“No, I mean-”

“I’m definitely not desperate enough for that yet…”

“Yet?” 4 teased him, for which 3 hit him hard in the head.

“Stupid”

“In the meantime while you get over that, we could try and get out somehow. At least try.”

3 sighed as he got up.

“You’re unfortunately right…”

“Maybe we could even find a meme and use it to get out!”

“Yea, good thinking” 3 mumbled it a bit, although 4 could still understand.

“Don’t know why you need to be so defensive about me being right”

“YOU do the same thing as well”

4 was about to protest but realised that 3 was kind of right.

“Oookay…” 

They started really examining the place. Not much food, no meme in sight, a single blanket folded neatly in a closet.

4 took it for himself fast.

“Hey, you hogger!” 3 glared at 4.

“As I said before-”

“I’m not cuddling your stupid ass!”

4 looked down to his feet. He knew that it was just their thing but.

“I really thought we got further…”

“What did you say?” 3 looked at him with an expression that was hard to read.

This scared 4. He wasn’t sure what to do, repeating it felt like a hard task, so he just stared.

“You can’t just talk in half sentences, 4”

“I just… thought you’d be more comfortable with me at this point”

3 was about to protest but thinking about it, he really should’ve been less stupid about it.

“I can’t just- I’m tense, okay, I’m tense! Are you happy now that I told you??”

4 chuckled.

“You never really tell me. I just have to guess myself how you feel”

“Well, you aren’t the easiest case yourself- it- ugh, I don’t want to go into it, definitely not right now-”

“Into what?”

“It doesn’t matter, forget about it”

“3…”

“Don’t 3 me”

4 sat down with the blanket under him so it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable to sit. 3 paced around for a bit. Tried to use his hands as shovels to maybe get out then quickly gave up. This kept repeating. It was kind of tiring to watch. 4 was on the verge of commenting on it. But he could see that he shouldn’t: 3 looked close to snapping. He knew that look. It was upsetting.

Especially as 3 seemed to tire, having to keep up with the cold, now he was starting to feel it too. He leaned against the cold wall, trying not to let the cold get to him. 

4 was watching him. It was awful to watch. He could see 3 slowly slipping down against the wall. 

“Alright, that’s enough” 4 had enough of this as he wrapped his arms and blanket around 3, who didn’t have nearly as much fight in himself as before.

“Dude…”

“What?”

“...Thanks.” 3 lightly leaned closer into 4 arms. That was shocking to 4. He wasn’t sure how to feel.

Sure, he insisted on 3 joining him, but he… never really considered what he would do once he did. He never considered what would happen if 3 didn’t fight him. The comfort made him weird. He wanted to stay somewhere deep in his heart but decided to just slip right out of the blanket and just put it on 3.

“Oh..?” 3 looked at him, the weakness in his eyes showing. He looked painfully genuine.

“I’ll try myself this time”

3 glared then looked away from 4. It was hard to tell what he might be thinking.

4 tried to separate the snow. It was easy, the snow was soft yet cold, and the more he would shovel with his hands to the side, the more would fall in. He panicked, which made him feel agitated as he started to get faster with it. He got so fast the snow of the ceiling fell on him, leaving him colder than ever.

3 rolled his eyes.

“I always think you can’t be more stupid but you always manage to prove that wrong”

“Sh-Shut U-Up” 4 was practically shaking from the cold. Who knew he was so sensitive.

3 sighed and got up. He brushed the snow off of 4. Usually such casual touch wouldn’t be this bad for him but the isolation was getting to him. He cared so much. But, right now, especially right now, he didn’t want that to come out. He didn’t want his caring side out in the open, for 4 to witness and tease. 

to his surprise 4 only gave him a soft smile before adding a few words to his reaction.

“You didn’t need to do that, I can take care of myself”

3 was disappointed.

“I don’t want to be in the same space with a dead body”

“Hey now, you’re already thinking of me dying??”

“Well… It would be funny now that you say it” 3 grinned.

“I don’t find it funny”

“When did I say I care?”

“I see through you, my friend, I do”

“You’re as blind as a bat actually”

“I’m not, I got the 20/20 vision going for me!”

“Crazy if true, considering how much you’re on your pc”

“SAYS WHO”

“ME”

The 2 glared at each other. For quite a few painful seconds. The tenseness in them took over as they started to fight physically.

Although it was one of those little slap fights. It felt less like a fight and more like a comedy bit.

The 2 separated, although 4 found himself cold again. He stared at 3 without realising.

“What?” 3 asked, in a defensive manner as if 4 was about to strip him with his eyes. The thought sent a shiver down his spine. It just further reminded him of past events… But they were different now, it wouldn’t happen.

4 took a bit but he did manage to snap out of it.

“Huh? Nothing! Nothing at all”

“You’re cold, aren’t you?”

“Noooo, what gave you the impression?”

“You shivering”

4 facepalmed. 3 was right, he couldn’t believe how obvious he was.

“Come here, I did say I don’t want to be stuck with a dead body”

4 resisted first but the cold got to him, he had to. He didn’t like it but he had to.

“Jeez, I didn’t think you would be this cold”

“Why did you think I was shivering”

“... Fair point”

4 leaned into 3’s chest, trying to get closer in a less uncomfortable way. It was really hard though, considering how they were just a few moments ago. He was too tired and cold to care though. He even wrapped his arms around 3, having a secure hold on him. 4 didn’t like how comforting this felt. Something about cuddling 3 felt different. Suddenly  the memories hit him again, of the past. It made him feel a bit gross for his thoughts. He wouldn’t ever wanna think of 3 that way. Not again at least.

The 2 stayed silent for a while, it felt illegal to speak. Even though both of them still felt tense. 3 felt too weird in all this, he had to comment on it.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you enjoyed this”

“What?? You think I do?” 4 looked offended.

“You were cuddling me with the same glee Eggdog would and oooh he loves me a lot” he talked with with his baby voice at the end when mentioning his child. Just simply the thought of him made him feel happy.

4 rolled his eyes.

“I’m just trying to stay warm, really. If I liked cuddling you, I’d do it  outside of dire situations like this”

“Like I’d care if you would… stupid”

“Would you?”

“No!”

“Oooh, but it looks like you would” he found 3’s reaction just a little bit entertaining. Indulging a little shouldn’t hurt much!

“Shut up! I wouldn’t! Even the hand holding feel unnecessary”

“Well, we had to do that, to save the world and all that stuff”

“Okay? Doesn’t change a thing. I don’t like to do it”

4 stared at 3, unimpressed. 3 felt a bit nervous.

“You’re as annoying as ever” 4 said as he got up “You know what, I rather freeze”

3 felt that struck at his heart. That HURT to hear, christ. 

“The fuck you mean you’d rather freeze??”

“If you don’t want to be near me so badly, then I won’t bother you. I can try and bury myself in the snow so you don’t have to face me dead cold”

“Jeez, how kind of you to- HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??? You THINK I WANT THAT??!”

“FELT LIKE IT”

“YOU DUMB IDIOT”

“DUMB AND IDIOT MEANS THE SAME THING”

“YES, I’M POINTING OUT YOUR SPECIALLY LACK OF SMARTS”

“FUCK YOU”

Aaaand they fought again. This time a bit more violent as 3 pinned 4 down.

“Any last words?” 3 was tired so he didn’t sound as threatening as he would’ve wanted to.

“You’re gay” 4 teased as he pulled 3 down on him with the little strength he had left. Unfortunately, this way they were left to stare at each other, it was kind of hard to pay attention to anything else when they were this close. 3 didn’t look amused. 4 chuckled.

“Gotcha”

“And you said you don’t want me near”

“I would push you off if I had the energy to”

“Nice excuse”

“It’s a reason, not an excuse”

3 sighed as he fully laid his head down on 4’s chest. He was now truly too tired to care.

“Why can’t we just get along”

“Cuz you’re a piece of shit”

3 looked at 4 again, clearly unamused.

“Like yourself, of course”

4 found it interesting how 3 deflected by calling him an ass too.

“Maybe, yeah… I don’t know why really”

“We’re just like this? I guess, I don’t know. We should be, right?”

“It’s… what’s the best, right?”

3 thought for a bit, some hard words on his mind.

“We’re… friends”

“I… I know”

Air felt heavy, as the 2 were trying to comprehend each other, what were they going for.

“You know…” 3 started, already feeling his face heat up “Ever since we became friends, it’s been… a bit less fun to be a villain. Juuust a smidge”

4 found himself smiling, hearing that his heart just warmed up whole.

“Glad to hear that…”

“It’s something I struggle with it a lot though”

“Why so?”

“Who… am I if not your local villain… who would I be?”

The question caught 4 so off guard, staring shocked at 3. He never thought 3 could feel that way. He kind of felt bad for a lot of the things he’s said and done now. He gently grabbed 3’s face by his cheek, by which he noticed 3 being a bit more hot. He was sure it’s just them slowly feeling weird from the cold.

“Hey now, don’t say that… you’re so much more… a cool streamer, a great meme guardian partner… a great friend, maybe… my greatest”

3 was practically turning into a heater from the compliments. But it definitely didn’t mean anything. 3 collected all his courage, to ask one thing he wanted to know.

“Your greatest?”

“Yea… pretty much”

“Isn’t it Mario for you?”

“You’re… different”

“Different?”

“Well, you know- yeah, you’re a friend in a different way than he is to me. You’re just… different… I guess, we just work differently”

“You mean the meme guardian stuff?”

4 glanced to the side, it was hard to guess what he could mean by that.

“That too”

“You know… I do kind of find it weird… that we have to hold hands to use our powers.. or at least touch”

“Yeah… but I don’t think you would be this close to me without it”

“Let’s not even think about that”

3 looked kind of bummed about the idea.

“Awww, you’d miss being friends with me that much?”

3 growled, though too tired to act.

“You say that like you wouldn’t”

“Of course, I would miss it so much” 4 said, hugging 3. The air being not so tense felt nice. It was easier to express himself.

3 was in deep, Jesus. He could barely think, besides lightly hugging back. 

“You could’ve warned me at least”

“Nope, it’s more fun this way”

“But you said you care about me”

“There’s some privileges you’ll never get”

“Tch… stupid”

“Ahem… Tsundere”

3 stared at 4, a single word making him feel energy come back to him. Out of anger of course. God, that made him so so angry.

“Not that word again, no, shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear that, idiot”

“I wanted to hear it personally” 4 chuckled.

“For what? You’re implying you’re my crush or something? You’re wrong then, bitch” 3 got up, angrily pointing and gesticulating. Oh, that touched a nerve, didn’t it.

4 raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t say that… Only you did, just now” 

3’s face was painted with realisation, as then colour drained from his face. Oh no, he did not fucking do that!!

“The word is literally used that way. How am I supposed to take it then? Why did you call me that anyways, asshole” 3 turned away from 4.

“I just found it fits… even in a platonic way. It’s so obvious you want affection but you still push people away”

3 looked back at 4 then away.

“Just like that” 4 sighed.

“You… YOU” 3 turned back “ You ALWAYS think you’re the bigger and better person”

“Well, I am right now? I’m not the one misinterpreting shit”

“You just have this air around you, you know? Like you always think you’re the god of this show! That nobody is better than you, especially me, I’m really tired of that. Really fucking tired”

“Are you really getting mad about me calling you a tsundere??”

“IT’S MORE THAN THAT”

“HOW CAN IT BE MORE???”

“IT’S A PATTERN… a long going one” 3 stared daggers into 4. It was like a whiplash compared to what they had previously.

“What pattern???”

“Stuff’s always about you. You’re always trying to one up me as well. It feels like whenever you butt into something, it becomes about you.”

4 stared. He didn’t know what to do with that information.

“You’re so weird. First you say you wished we were friends earlier, now you berate me”

“Because you can’t shut the fuck up when you need to. Maybe if you did, we would get along better”

“Well, MAYBE, if you stopped being an ASSHOLE, that would help a lot more”

“MAYBE. IF YOU STOPPED BEING SUCH A WHINY BITCH IT’D HELP EVEN MORE”

The 2 stared at each other, unsure whether to feel angry or sad. 

“You know where it hurts, huh? You know me so well you know EXACTLY what to say to make me angry” 4 spoke, anger seething through him.

“Not hard when you get upset about everything!!”

“You make me more than upset”

“Oh yeah? What do I make you, huh? Tell me”

4 looked down.

“Confused. And sad. You make me sad”

3 stared at him.

“That’s it? Really?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Well, now I god damn do, not like I care about your thoughts”

4 had enough, as he got up and pushed 3 against the wall. It was cold, just as cold as 4’s stare.

“Do you REALLY want to know, 3?”

3 tried to look anywhere but 4. 4 grabbed 3’s chin.

“I… I guess… I can’t really back down now, can I?” 3 was visibly nervous. 

“You make me so… bad. I feel bad, each time. I don’t know why”

3 still tried looking away from 4. This was starting to feel uncomfortable.

“So… you don’t even know how I make you feel, huh?”

“Well, how do I make YOU feel then? Huh?”

“Tense, very tense. Especially right now, with backing me into a wall and everything”

“Ah-” 4 stepped back, giving 3 his space back. He felt a bit embarrassed about what he did. He realised what that looked like now- he was glad it was only 3 to see him do something like this. Since considering how they were, this was definitely not getting out from between the 2 of them.

As they stood there, they felt cold again. 3 thought for a bit then grabbed the blanket and threw it over 4’s shoulder as he then leaned into him, shoulder to shoulder. It wasn’t too much to handle at least. 4 stayed silent but he didn’t move either. His head seemed to be full of thoughts. 

“Hey… I’m sorry, 3… I gotta learn how to control myself around you”

3 looked at him, with a questioning look.

“I mean yeah but… what the hell do you mean? Around me”

“You just bring the worst out of me”

“Well… I can’t argue with that”

“I think… I do the same to you…”

“Hmm…”

Both stayed silent for a while, then 4 spoke words that had no right to hurt so much.

“It feels like we’d be better apart…”

3 didn’t even know how to react. He just… stood there. 4 couldn’t look at him for a bit, feeling his own words even claw at his own heart. But when he did… oh, he wished he didn’t.

He didn’t want to see 3 so sad, tears running down his cheek. His lips trembled looking back at 4 before punching him in the face.

“WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT??” 

4 stumbled but didn’t fall. He was never able to say the right words.

“I… well” he felt himself getting drawn to tears as well “We… fight so much…”

“I care too much about you”

“I know but… look, it feels like we never get along… I care too and the idea hurts me too…” his tears came too, matching 3.

I just- I can’t do this-” 3 started pacing and suddenly decided to get back to the snow again, desperately wanting to get out.

4 felt guilty. He felt awful. He thought this would give him some peace of mind but it didn’t. He thought, he thought very hard- how could he solve this? How could he make this right for 3?

“How could I… make this right for you?” 4 asked, his voice weak.

“By shutting the fuck up” 3 continued shovelling the snow with desperation. 3’s hands felt cold. Way too cold. But at least it was almost distracting him from 4’s stinging words. 

4 hated looking at what 3 was doing. He turned away, trying to close him out but the quiet sobs and the soft noises of the snow being shovelled by hand was too prominent in his mind. He wasn’t able to close it out, not even a little bit. He clenched his fists. He must do something. Anything. Just stop this.

3’s hands were starting to hurt so much he could barely take it. But it didn’t make him want to stop. What stopped him was 4 grabbing both of his hands and pulling him away from the snow. And 4 wasn’t easy on him, having strong grips on both his hands. As 4 felt just how cold 3’s hands were, he held on even more, pulling 3 close.

“I can’t… I can’t just watch you hurt yourself.. you mean too much to me”

“I thought you wanted us apart”

“Want and need are different”

3 looked ahead of himself, embracing he was now trapped in 4’s hold, as much as he didn’t want to be.

“Are you saying you need me?”

“Yes”

4 replied so fast, it made 3 feel a bit hot again. 

“So… you need me, even if I… cause you to be worse?”

“I need you because I…” 4 stopped. 3 paid attention for a bit, waiting for an answer. The more seconds passed the more tense he felt.

“Don’t leave me hanging, dude!” 3 spoke nervously, he hated feeling this uncomfortable.

4 just didn’t move, not until he whipped 3 into a deep embrace, pulling as close as he could. It was the kind of hug you couldn’t escape from, no matter how much you wanted to. It was tight, scary, full of emotion yet somehow fulfilling. 3 slowly hugged him back. It still wasn’t quite as comfortable as he wished it should be, but the tightness definitely helped. He wished it would be just that easy to press the bad things out of him.

This lasted a while, neither wanted to speak. Neither knew what to say. But they both had a lot on their minds. But they chose to remain this way. At least for a while, some peace.

4 slowly pulled out a bit, looking at 3. 3 only noticed a bit after, his face still red from crying and the cold. The 2 just stared at each other. Felt like no one else existed to them but each other. It felt so obvious. It felt so obvious what they wanted, it was written all over them. Just a single thing on their mind, a simple yet disastrous wish. Something so easy yet so hard.

3’s grip tightened on 4 as he pulled him in, it happened so fast, yet 4 followed along immediately. The desperation finally kicked in. They needed each other so so badly and it showed. And when they’d pull away, they’d just pull right back in. Their lips touching were too addictive. It was a rush of excitement neither have felt in a while. 3 was the one to end up against the wall, then quickly switching to 4. 3 had a strong hold on 4 that made him feel weak. He didn’t know that feeling weak by someone could feel so good. It felt like it should be a crime.

They slowly let go, although they didn’t want to. Especially since they then had to face each other. It felt… weird. Where did this come from? Why were they both so into it?

“So… that happened” 4 awkwardly scratched his neck.

3 facepalmed.

“Is that all you’re gonna say?”

“Umm well… I guess I always liked you, heh,... uh… yeah”

3 couldn’t keep a straight face, he laughed. He found 4 ridiculous, yet somehow cute.

“I love you too, idiot” 3 replied finally, after leaving 4 hanging with just laughing.

4 looked down then back at 3. He was visibly getting so giddy it was a joy to watch. 3 pressed a kiss on 4’s cheek. 4 could explode the world with the happiness he was feeling. This whole thing really made him realise what he was feeling, as it was previously an unknown thing to him. He didn’t realise, even though he felt it badly. He’s a fucking idiot.

3 knew very well but it wasn’t exactly something he liked to think about. It was already hard to make friends, let alone admit his feelings for his ex rival. 

“I’m… glad you do, 3”

“Do you know how hard it was to keep this away from you??”

“Uh.. no? I think you hid it well”

“That was the intention”

“Yeah… you know, I only realised just now”

3 blinked at 4.

“You.. You can’t be serious”

“Why can I not be?”

“Whatever… I’m just glad you feel the same”

“Yeah… we’re still trapped though”

“No shit” 3 sighed.

The 2 rested against each other. At least now they had less reason to be tense about that. 

“I mean… the others know we got stuck, right? They should be able to help then…”

“I sure do hope so”

The 2 thought though, anything they can come up with. 3 had an idea float in his mind, now feeling like it’s less embarrassing to suggest.

“Hey so, 4… you know how we channel meme energy with touch?”

“Yeah?”

“What if… it’s possible to channel it with kissing as well?”

4 rubbed his chin then with seemingly zero hesitation, he pulled 3 in for a kiss, and concentrated. Maybe a bit too hard at that, or maybe it was just such a powerful move that the energy practically blew up around them. Their prison was gone. Literally, they blew the whole thing up with their meme energy kiss.

“Woah” 3 chimed up quietly, trying not to look too impressed but… meme explosion?? 2 of the greatest things together??

“Yippee we’re free we’re free!!” 4 hugged 3 and jumped up and down.

That’s when the crew noticed the 2, with 4 jumping around crazy. That’s just how it is with them sometimes. At least they chilled out now! It’s been needed for a long while now.

[nikethestatue]

Anonymous because I don’t want anyone to potentially see this and harass me.. but I’m just so disappointed with this fandom. And tbh, I blame it on ACOSF.

In my opinion, ACOSF really ruined all of the IC characters. And since it’s the last book or the series thus far, people cling to it religiously.

I don’t think SJM really did Nesta justice in her story. I never truly hated Nesta. I felt like her character, while let’s be honest pretty bitchy, was in fact hiding pain through sharp words. Hurt people hurt people. This is a very real world response to trauma. And while we see that, I just felt her journey of training and fucking did not do enough justice. The fact the IC only really “forgave” her for her actions when she saved Feyre/Rhys/nyx is somewhat of a testament in my eyes. Other than Cassian (and Elain from what Cassian mentioned how she understood what Nesta was doing everytime), it felt that she was still misunderstood. That she’s just this mean person. What I wanted for Nesta, other than feeling like she was important and deserved good things, was for the understanding to seep in with all of the characters. And she deserved a real romance. I think the fact it was physical first really took away the romance of Nessian, and honestly sometimes I wasn’t even sure they liked each other, until they had their confession of feelings on solstice. It felt forced sometimes and completely physical.

ACOSF sidelined Feyre completely, made Rhys a villain to half the fandom, made Cassian not a likeable love interest for me and not the funny comic relief character, made Elain more firy which isn’t bad because I guess it’s leading to her story, made Amren a bitch too tbh and Mor. Like she just completely fucked the whole ic with this book imo… and Emerie is a great character as well as Gwyn. Gwyn was retconned in order to ensure Nesta had two female friends. Their characters were really important to Nesta being able to just be herself without history involved. But something I wished we saw was the Archerons hashing out their feelings and trauma. Maybe that will happen in the next book.

It felt like ACOSF added nothing to the plot. Yes, we got the troves but it felt somewhat out of place. A lot could have happened involving the grand scheme of ACOTAR. It’s almost like CC3 needed to come out to answer the questions we didn’t have answered in ACOSF so that we could skip over like 300+ pages of plot.

The smut felt forced, and while “put your hands on the headboard” is definitely a giggle moment, their physical moments were just… not romantic. And I think Nessian deserved more than smut. (This is my personal opinion). Like how did we go from “I don’t have any regrets in this life. My only regret is that we did not have time. That I did not have time with you Nesta. I will find you in the next life.” To.. “I didn’t ask to be shackled to you either”…… it felt very out of character. Not to mention Cassian was still calling Mor beautiful? I don’t dislike Cassian, but I just felt it was very out of character. Or maybe I just had a different headcanon from the original series. Maybe it’s my fault.

For all Nesta went through, I think she deserved more in her book. And so did Cassian. I feel like I don’t know him at all. They had their moments, but there was a lot that wasn’t there. I do ship them because I do see the golden retriever and black cat dynamic, and I love it, and they are the warriors. But I just wanted them to really be happy. Maybe it was the reluctant mates trope that made it difficult to do. Idk. But it makes me worried for Eriel (if that’s what it’s going to be) because I feel like Azriel being a “freak” in bed will once again overpower the actually romance of the couple. Like smut ≠ romance to me. It heightens it for sure, but there needs to be the emotional ground work.

Overall I think ACOSF really twisted the fandom, and it’s lead to this very toxic environment if I’m being honest with ships. I see countless posts hating Rhys, Feyre, Elain, Az (because of his desires etc).. like the fact people are shipping Eris with Nesta instead of Cassian shows how Nessian did not stick after their book. Tbh I felt Eris was more interesting than Cassian a lot of the time.

But ya. Sorry for the long rant. I’m sure lots of this isn’t even explained well because it’s hard to get out my feelings. Like I don’t even want to read the book again in my re-read. I think Nesta was put in cc3 to make up for her book tbh. And Az because of the bonus. Like finding out about Nesta’s powers in CC3 and not her own book…? I think SJM just realized she kind of fucked up. I’m just hoping with the next ACOTAR novel that she doesn’t make the same mistakes. Maybe she just felt rushed to get Nesta’s book out of the way in order to get to Elain’s. Or that it completely was taken over by her own healing journey. Which is not a bad thing at all, it provides the real world ground work, but it also took away from Nesta. But either way, I think personally Nesta deserved better than that. Because I think her character is important and strong. Past just being a warrior. There are a lot of older sister themes that could have been involved in her book. And it just missed the mark. And that’s why I think the “valkayrie” sticks out so much. Because that was the only memorable part of it. Not even Nessian was.

Anyways thank you for reading my massive rant. Would love your opinion!!!

I pretty much agree with everything. Whatever SJM had originally planned for Nesta and for Nessian wasn't what we got in ACOSF.

Overall, it was boring and repetitive, and lacked in any depth. The pregnancy plot was ludicrous and the fact that you have your 500+ year olds losing their shit over a contrary and mouthy 25 year old just makes me want to roll my eyes. I just want to tell everyone to grow up. The writing and their 'reasons' was clunky. You gonna tell me that Rhys the Billionaire, the Elon Musk of Prythian, is gonna lose his mind over $500?

Some other stuff doesnt make sense either--how are the Archerons not the heroes of Prythian. Elain and Nesta slew the king, Feyre reforged the Cauldron, and it seemed like no one cared about that? Not one Fae? Second time Feyre saved their world and nothing? She is just back in Night Court like nothing's happened?

Where were the negotiations which were happening at the end of ACOWAR?

900 pages and the plot didnt move anywhere in ACOTAR. You needed Bryce and half of HOFAS to explain what the heck was going on in Prythian.

My personal pet peeve is that it seems none of these people have jobs, except for Azriel.

I dont understand how a general of an active army has this much time on his hands to train random women for hours every day and then have sex for hours every day. Why is no one doing any work? I think this idleness also contributes to frustration--why are you harping on Nesta and calling her a waste of space, when you all literally do NOTHING, other than build houses.

It's a messy, plotless book and i feel like it definitely contributed to the discord in the fandom. It's so needlessly divisive, and the fact that it lacks an antagonist also makes it super frustrating, because it all just feels pointless.

all in all, you are right on the nose, Anon.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Ultimate 2 Part 3

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 10.4, 10.5

Chapter 3: Fragile

That page. It says so much. Monev is totally on his warpath. From his perspective, Diablo-Vash is the true Vash, but to counter this, we the reader know that the “ridiculous” aim was Vash staying true to his pacifist ideals. This is the true Vash. For the better and the worse. He is angry, spiteful, enraged, but he is still pacifist!

Aw, the mask has little fangs!

I stay by my words that Vash may have killed someone in the last 150 years by accident. He is attentive, but this attack here is not careful! He had no way of knowing that the shield would withstand five shots from his modified gun! Pacifism itself means that you don't want to harm another person, but Vash harms more than a few people. Vash only sees alive and not unharmed. His stance on pacifism is a weird one from the start.

And he took it personally ever since!

As others have already said, Knives is grieving Rem. But he cannot deal with it. So he needs to look at her actions as being done with intent to hurt him specifically.

Truly, Knives is the true fragile one, not Vash.

Chapter 4: Scars

I love this line. It shows that Vash even in his weird pacifism is not naive. He does not trust the assassin that was sent to kill him. He takes measures to keep himself safe. He knows that his decision could have been the wrong one and that sparing means nothing to Monev. He risks it for Rem. (more for his memory of Rem)

I assume that we won’t meet Monev in S2, since Vash and Wolfwood have a similar scene in Stampede. 

Man, this hits hard. Vash’s smile is like, I know, tehee. But he knows, he just doesn’t tell them. 

The insurance women around him notice his obvious predicament, they see that something more is going on, but he keeps quiet. That is so frustrating about Vash. He doesn’t open up. Not only that, by not telling them he takes their ability to decide on their own with all the information from them. Of course, this is about his own fear of connection and the vulnerability that comes with it, but damn, it is frustrating. If they knew, would they still follow him or distance themselves? In my opinion, Vash fears both decisions. Staying endangers them, leaving would be another rejection of Vash from humanity.

Even when he does finally open up, he barely says anything and leaves it to the other party to connect the dots. People need to worm information out of him and they barely ever do, because it may overstep boundaries. Such behaviour is fucking frustrating! I, as a reader, am somewhat frustrated with him, watching this really nice guy being so lonely and putting up walls. He hasn’t got anyone who makes him put those down. 

Well, he does open up to Milly and Meryl about his motives. He may have said even more to them, because the scene pans out after that. But since we don’t see it, it doesn’t exist for us readers. Women! Ask him who this important person was! Ask him who he wants to settle the score with and how he’d do it! Ask him why he thinks he wasn’t able to save her! Give him a reality check that nothing that happened was his fault! They would give him that reality check! But they need the info for that.

What is frustrating for me in this scene is that he could have opened up more, if the women asked him. By not at least showing that Meryl and Milly feel pretty passive to me. They were already somewhat helpless bystanders in the fight with Monev. Have his walls go up after they ask, but make them ask, make them show interest and connection to Vash. For me, this reads often more like an interest for the mystery of Vash and not for the person Vash and I know that this is not what was intended!

Then again, why should they dig into him to get any info? It is not their job to make him open up. They are not his psychiatrists. Just, as a reader, I am more inclined to feel for the protagonist in this moment, so my ire is more on the handling of the insurance women or with depiction of women in shonen/seinen manga in general. But no, I won't open this can of worms.

Hello, new evil guy. Bye, new evil guy.

That eyesight! That aim!

Sigh, and again, Meryl and Milly are pushed aside. *grumbls*

Chapter 5: Muder cafe

Not gonna lie, with how people treat him and with the human trafficking going around, not to mention what else they implied, I kinda understand Legato’s and even more so Knives’ point of view.

But Legato counters his own view by rescuing those women. The guy has more going on behind the scenes and I wish we would see more of that conflict. If he really wasn’t interested in humanity’s survival, he wouldn’t have warned the women after he saved them. He would have just killed everyone in the cafe. 

[arvandus]

Stranger Things Thoughts:

I’ve been rewatching Stranger Things for the first time and I’m now on season 3.  Here are some of my hot takes:

- Season 1 was truly fantastic. The best season.  The way they built up the suspense and the mystery... I was scared all over again even though I knew everything, which was a testament to its quality.

- Still pissed at Nancy for ignoring her friend who was obviously miserable and uncomfortable just so she could hang out with her boyfriend. I would NEVER.

- Bob deserved better.

- There’s a definite vibe change in the setting from season 2 to season 3 and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

- Joyce is an absolute beast and I fucking love her; she’s probably the closest character to me emotionally. It’s that mom energy - the way she cares for El in season 1 and her tiger mom vibes for Will... I can relate deep in my soul.

- Poor Will deserves better. He’s suffered so much!

- The confrontation between Will and Mike in Season 3, where Mike says, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” and Will gets this wide-eyed look... THAT was the moment.  That was the moment when it clicked for Will why he was so jealous of El and Mike. It was the first time he finally understood what his feelings *meant* which was probably a big part of why he ran away, hid away in his hide-out, called himself “stupid” and then took a bat to everything. And then tried to brush the whole conflict off as “not a big deal” when it obviously WAS a big deal. Poor boy realized he was gay and wanted to bury that shit waaayyy deep so one one could find it.

- On a side note, I can only imagine what Will might have been thinking... he’d been taken the upside down where he almost died, was pretty much impregnated against his will (recall the baby Demogorgon he coughed up??) possessed, and the Mindflayer STILL has some hold on him because he can sense him when he’s active.  And with the way that homosexuality was treated in the 80s, I’m sure he thought he was a monster, a freak, that maybe the feelings he had for his best friend were wrong and vile.  That they were something that was the result of what he’d gone through, something that was done to him, rather than it being a very natural and acceptable part of who he was as a person.  THIS POOR BOY I CAN’T RIGHT NOW.

- Mike started out as such a good character but each season has gotten progressively worse and it makes me so sad...

- I remember El’s abilities being so badass when I first saw them; but now on the rewatch, they’ve lost their impact for me because I’m so used it (and it’s very overdone every season - can she level up...? Like... at all?).

- Steve and Nancy never really had a breakup...? Like... wtf was that?  They had a fight during the party and the day after... but like... an actual breakup wasn’t established? And then Nancy hooked up with Jonathan?  Excuse me, but what??

- I miss season 3 Robin when she was less chaos incarnate and more smart, snarky nerd.

- Steve and his bat are the OTP.

- I like all the scenes that have the clock ticking sounds... it all ties it in together which I enjoy.

- Season 3 Hopper is SO FLAWED but tbh I appreciate it because it’s important for his character development.

- On a side note, the running theme of his abuse of his power as chief of police makes me cringe a little thanks to real life events. I know it’s just a show and we as the audience know he’s the good guy so his actions are ‘justified,’ but still... the overall theme of “I can do what I want because of my authority” has not aged well, imo.

- I’m not looking forward to season 4 because I know what’s going to happen and I’m not ready for that pain again....

[neverluckygoldfish]

19 -

Black or white. Wrong or right. Good or bad. It’s all a spectrum, but I have a really hard time seeing it that way.

Today, I’m trying to hold both of these things & give them equal weight:

1. I am an addict. I am an alcoholic. I have hurt the people I love. I have made choices that put myself, my loved ones, and society in danger. Intentionally as well as unintentionally. I’ve acted in ways, with no regard for others. I’ve made people worry and caused them anxiety. I still have more to see about the ripple effects of my actions.

I give myself a little grace because I started using and drinking at a young age (13 to be precise) But I continued this pattern through the age of 29. Probably still wouldn’t have admitted it was slowly killing me if it didn’t all blow up in my face and I had no other choice but to face reality. That’s just the truth.

Even at 13, I knew I was making a bad decision (hi DARE) but I didn’t care because I thought I was better than it (lol I was kind of a “I know better than everyone else” little b at 13).

In a way, I thought I was invincible. I’ve been so consumed by my own pain that I didn’t take the time to truly acknowledge others’. I ignored them. It’s not all me me me me me. I say this to take accountability.

2. I grew up in a turbulent household. My father was an alcoholic and those are my earliest memories. I was terrified of him & embarrassed of him. He got sober and then became a drug addict. He took me on drug runs. Our backyard was covered in crack pipes. He forgot about me, he belittled me, he degraded me. He physically abused my mother and myself. He told me I wasn’t worthy and my family kind of enabled that narrative. He’s clean now and has been for years but he is so wrapped up in his own delusional world - we have no contact. I found out recently that he suffered horrible abuse and neglect as a child. The cycle continues.

It was just my parents and I, not much extended family. One grandma - well, she swallowed a lifetime of abuse and pain. She wasn’t entirely sane, as a result. The other one? Everything was my fault in her eyes, I was just like my dad. Why am I making our lives so hard? At 3, at 7, at 16, at 21, now. Ok grandma, I get it. I wasn’t an easy child. Everyone else was pretty much on the fringe, never really saw them or knew them.

My mom wasn’t around because she was busy supporting the whole household and trying to keep it all together. I still don’t know how she did it. She’s also very stoic — actually, it’s a cultural thing. We come from a background where stoicism is revered. We. Do. Not. Talk. About. Things. We overcome and we swallow it or we whisper behind closed doors and pretend everything is fine. Patriarchy rules. You can’t change your situation, bad things happen and we endure silently.

I see things from her perspective now, she was in an impossible situation. She’s only human. These days, we are a lot more honest and compassionate with each other. She is my anchor and I would give her the sun, if I could.

But I held a lot of anger and resentment towards her for most of my childhood. Because I felt no one had my back. I had to grow up and parent myself starting at a very young age. I had to figure out the world on my own. When things with my dad finally ended and she was ready to parent me, I was like “fuck you”. I was 14 years old and thought I knew everything.

So, I attribute a lot of the issues I struggle/d with to my upbringing. To not having the resources, the support, or a caregiver who could actually provide care. What about me? I never got a sorry. I got ridiculed and gaslit for being a walking trauma response as a child. No one explained that this wasn’t okay. Actually, no one really said much of anything besides getting upset when I wasn’t docile and quiet. My self-esteem is the depth of a teaspoon (but growing stronger, each day). So what about me? Where is my fucking apology? They were adults who were supposed to know better and do better.

It’s the not dealing with these issues and hiding everything until I felt like I was going to explode — that led me to make the choices I made, turning to alcohol & drugs. Like I sprinted towards them. I knew there would be consequences sure, but I didn’t see myself being where I am today. I didn’t see myself causing hurt, anguish, pain to people around me who love me. I didn’t see myself wishing for death and becoming suicidal. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone really gave a shit about me so I was free to deal however I wanted.

I see those things now. I’m uncovering more and more each day. I start to remember so many times I’ve used and forgotten about — it makes me feel sick to my stomach. It’s hard. I’m coming to terms with these choices and their consequences. No one is obliged to forgive me & I respect their boundaries. Apologies don’t erase pain. I feel embarrassed to admit these truths, because they seem ridiculous to me now. But I have to. I want to be better.

It’s hard to not think that the decisions made were entirely wrong or entirely right. That the people involved (myself included) are all good or all bad. How can I acknowledge that my childhood was difficult and shaped me as I am today, but that my choices are entirely my own? At what point, what age, is it acceptable to say I knew better but continued to choose self-destruction? How do I forgive myself?

Maybe the issue is that I’m focused on that instead of understanding how decisions & people are far more complex than an either/or. I’m struggling to reconcile these things as truth, altogether — to understand the gray.

I still have a long way to go.

[leikakakkari]

video diary entry from September 15th, 2022 8:29 AM

“i have a question.. for anyone who’s ever hurt someone like really bad, like irreversibly hurt someone that you really love.. how do you live with yourself? it’s only been like a week, but i don’t see how it could get any better. i can’t do anything to make the situation better, and i can’t take back what i did and i can’t take away the hurt that i inflicted. i don’t know what to do. i just really really hate myself.”

i wish i could hug you. i wish i didn’t make you go through this alone. you were struggling so bad and i forced you to further isolate yourself. you didn’t deserve that. you deserved to be able to lean on your friends for support. you deserved to be able to ask for help. you were grappling with such a huge thing and i left you with nowhere to turn. i’m so sorry. no matter what the future brings, i will never let you do that again.

with a year under our belt, i’ve learned and accepted a few things. one thing i have learned is you did the best you could. you held yourself accountable. you admitted to your faults and you made sure you will never ever find yourself in a situation similar to this ever again. you tried to communicate and ask for guidance and you were led astray. i allowed us to ignore our gut feelings, ignore what we thought was right and we learned a very valuable lesson from that. we learned that we know what we need best, whether that be space, grace, time, or honesty. i knew what we needed and i ignored it and allowed us to be put in a situation that forced us to live in such an anxiety riddled state. i allowed us to be put into a situation where we were forced to analyze any interaction, any words, any action or lack of action.

there is some hurt that you will never be able to undo. there will never be the right thing to say or do. no amount of support or understanding can heal the wound. no amount of listening will make it better. we totally fucked up, and all there was left was acceptance and learning. all we could do was apologize, own what happened, change our behavior and mean it. and we actively incorporate that into our lives, even today. you so desperately were searching for some way to make this “right” and there just wasn’t one. you knew that in your soul but we allowed our perspective to be swayed by words. we should have been looking at this from the lens of facts and reason, not feelings. we knew that. a lot of the pain we harbor is because we never trusted what we knew, which ultimately became the truth.

you were expected to constantly be empathetic and understanding but i hope you hear me when i say not an ounce of that generosity was reserved for you. you experienced lash after lash and never once was empathy even considered. you understood and accepted that people are imperfect, they act out in emotional states and it’s harder to “pause before responding” but you were never once granted that same grace. remember that. remember that information was withheld from you and it was and still is being used as a form of control. remember that nobody in this situation cared about the confusion, the grief and the pain you were left to mop up.

it took us an entire year to even consider these things. it took an entire year for you to find the courage to vocalize what happened and express what impact it made on you, but you got there. we have had to fight for our ability to think clearly and truly know who we are in the deepest depths of ourselves and that is something that does not go unrecognized. your support system know the truth and that’s all we have ever once wanted, was for people to make an informed decision. and they did.

you still hurt. you still cry yourself to sleep most nights. you still become paranoid and anxious when you think about it and you’re absolutely petrified of what the future holds. you’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop but you fought like hell to work on yourself, your mindset and your ethics. you no longer wake up and wish you hadn’t. you no longer wonder what type of person you are. you no longer seek out things that hurt you because you feel you deserve to be punished. you recognize that you did the best you could with the information you had available and although it wasn’t perfect, you will find a way to give yourself grace and recognize the growth you’ve achieved in a year.

this hurt may never fully go away and i hope one day, we aren’t so jaded by it. but time truly does heal all wounds and we just have to give ourselves grace.

love you. 🤍

diary entry from september 15th 2023 5:18 AM

[imagineimpact]

Could i request Diluc angst oneshot where reader and him get into a big disagreement or argument where Diluc makes them cry and feel really bad about themself so they go and end up hanging out with Kaeya a bit much cause he offered to cheer reader up and Diluc won't apologize. until he see's his s/o hanging out with Kaeya

I actually wrote 2 different versions of the ending for this, but this is the one I decided to go with! If you want the more angsty version do let me know.

Anyway,

Harsh Words

Diluc x Reader

Screaming. Yelling that could be heard throughout the Dawn Winery residence late into the night, heard only by the maids, the night security, and perhaps a late worker or two.

And of course, by the two individuals who held the voices.

It was rather unusual for the two of you to be at odds; and, on the occasion in which you were, it wasn’t nearly to this degree.

But the two of you were outright screaming at each other. It wasn’t even about one thing anymore - it was everything. Whatever you had been arguing about had reached the point of irrelevance; It never should have reached this point and you knew that, but you were under fire and you couldn’t stop.

All you knew was that this was Diluc’s fault, and that you couldn’t take this kind of argument.

“If you just thought about your actions for once-”

You cut him off, “Oh don’t try me with that, you’re the one treating me like I’m an idiot and trying to control my-”

“If you had just listened for once and been less of a selfish bitch then I wouldn’t have to!”

His words had cut far deeper than either of you had expected, and you physically recoiled at the words, a sudden wave washing over you which forced tears from your eyes. The truth in his words was irrelevant - It felt true, even if it wasn’t.

You turn away from him. In spite of your state, he makes no move toward you. None, not even to give you the slightest feel of any comfort. You knew - he wanted the words to cut through you.

You go to the door and slip on your shoes, leaving the room as fast as you humanly could.

You can’t take this anymore.

But you don’t make it past the front door. As if by telepathy, Diluc has two of his night security waiting by the door in a stance showing you that they’re ready to make sure you don’t leave. They block your path, silent in their menace. When you turn around, only then do you notice Adelinde and Hille quietly staring at you. Diluc’s footsteps down the stairs are a slow horror, an even pace which served to only emphasize that feeling of dread; Very easily, this felt like the perfect time to be murdered.

The drawl of footsteps approach, yet cease a few meters away - he’s far too distant to do anything himself. His eyes lock on yours, quietly assessing you.

“Diluc, let me leave.” You hiss through streaming tears. You nearly choke on the tension in the air.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. His eyes don’t show any expression, show any remorse or guilt, or even happiness. Truly, there is nothing in his eyes.

“Let me make myself clear: You are not leaving this premises in the middle of the night. Do you understand me?”

“Not even slightly.”

Silence. His eyes flicker, the way they do when he sees an abyss mage, or when Kaeya makes a comment that goes a little too far - pure anger.

“Adelinde, fix up the guest room.”

“No need. I’ll be leaving now.” You scoff.

Diluc tilts his head, peering over you and towards his security as if to say ‘don’t you fucking dare let them through’.

Then another look, and you feel yourself being pushed into the house again, the slam of the doors behind you.

A wave of anger washes over you, and you can’t help the excess of tears that fall, harder now than they had been before.

Diluc holds his ground, staring at you silently. You shake your head and look away, not sure what to do with yourself. Their staring puts you in pure disarray.

“Adelinde.”

“Yes, sorry.” She mutters, bowing and taking her leave in the direction of the guest bedroom in order to prepare it for you.

When she’s gone, you shake your head. “I’m not going to be sleeping.”

“Then stay in your room. I don’t care.” He huffs, turning away and wandering back up the stairs, his footsteps seeming less menacing now.

The argument was done.

Your eyes catch a light outside the window, seeming to exist a far distance away. Maybe it was the fire of a hilichurl camp.

What time was it? Surely the sun would be up soon anyway.

Fine. You would leave then, no matter what.

When you got to your room, you actually did manage to sleep. Not nearly enough; An hour was nothing in the long run, but it was still just slightly enough to not feel entirely exhausted.

Still, the sun was up when you arose, and you lay in the bed, uncertain as to what would happen when you left the room.

If Diluc wasn’t going to apologise, you wanted nothing to do with him.

So, after a little while of resting, it was a surprise to hear a knock at the door. You were summoned to breakfast. Nearly the entire time, you and Diluc sat across from each other - an oddity indeed considering he would always insist that he wanted you seated beside him - this time, however, you were as far from his as possible within the confines of the seated table. The usually empty seat felt hard beneath you, not softened by an everyday presence. Your usual seat to his right - where your plate had been placed before you had taken it to where you were now - was empty.

Neither of you could look into each other’s eyes. The silence, broken only by the light clinks of cutlery, felt burdenous.

You expected him to say something, anything really. You could barely eat the food on your breakfast plate, and without any words, you didn’t feel all too comfortable anyway. You let out a quiet sigh and stood up, tucking in your chair and lifting your plate to take it back to the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” Diluc’s voice was quiet but the harshness in it was unmistakable.

“I’m not hungry.” You looked down at the plate in your hands. “I’m going to Mondstadt.”

Diluc stood up suddenly, pushing back his chair and stepping close to you. The sudden movement caused you to shutter slightly, and he pulled back a bit. Still, he tore the plate from your hands and placed it on the table. “When you return, be ready to have a serious conversation.”

Oh.

You opened your mouth to speak, but then huffed and turned away. “Right. I’ll look forward to getting yelled at again.”

Diluc scoffed, “Stop acting like a petulant child.”

“I’m not doing this right now, Diluc.” Your feet are moving before you can even think about it. This time, as you approached the door, no one was there to stop you. You left with no present company to watch over you, and you knew that today was going to be a long, long day.

——

Mondstadt thrives with life, as per usual. Because of how bright and pleasant the place is, any spec of gloom is extremely obvious on a day like this.

You took to the adventurers guild to take some commissions. Maybe killing some hilichurls or slimes would take your mind off of it all, or maybe just delivering some needed materials to someone.

The entire time you had been speaking to Katheryn, you felt eyes watching you, but you didn’t want to make it obvious you knew. Alas, it was only moments later that you startled at the feeling of a hand on your shoulder.

“No need to be so surprised.” The familiar voice chuckles beside you.

“Good morning, Kaeya.” You let out a soft sigh, the exhaustion of the day before wearing into you. You thanked Katheryn and turned your attention to Kaeya. His eyebrows twitched and his expression shifted as he studied you.

“What happened?” He asks rather blatantly, eyes clouding over. “Was it Diluc?”

You took a deep breath. “Wanna join me for commissions?”

Kaeya scans your eyes. “As long as you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Come on.” You nod, wandering out of Mondstadt with him.

The slowly falling night brought you back to Mondstadt. You agreed to go to the tavern with Kaeya, a subtle kind of thank you for spending time with you today. It wasn’t like you were doing anything else anyway.

The tavern was already busy before you got there, people crowding around for a nights drink. You subconsciously step towards Kaeya as if shading yourself away from the crowded atmosphere and he is wary of your proximity. He draws you to his side, a friendly notion, and steps inside before you.

Charles waves at you both from behind the counter. Kaeya quickly orders a round of drinks and takes you to a table away from the bar.

“Hey, look who’s been dragged in.” Rosaria wanders over, quietly making soft chatter with you. It wasn’t unusual for the two of you to spend some time together.

Kaeya eventually wanders away, grabbing your drinks and bringing them back over.

Time seemed to dwindle away, the mindless chatter with your friends giving you more than ample distraction from anything else that might have been happening.

“Master Diluc! Didn’t expect to see you here today.” Charles’ voice rings out.

Of course, that wasn’t going to last long.

You lift your head slightly, tensing up. Diluc is scanning the room, twisting his wrist lightly as he speaks quietly to Charles; The words miss you. You freeze as your eyes lock. For just a moment you’re caught in that discerning gaze before he nods at you and turns back to talk to Charles. Kaeya draws your attention back away, and you slip back into your conversation, not wanting to deal with anything else.

“I’ll get another round.” Rosaria gets up and makes her way through the tavern, leaning over the bar and making another order for the table.

“How many are we on?” You ask, already flushed from the… how many glasses had you even had?

“Five.” Kaeya laughs, leaning on your shoulder. “But now that the killjoy’s here, he’ll stop us from having our well-earned fun.”

“I heard that.” Diluc scoffed, passing by you.

“Good.” Kaeya wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to him, more out of a delicate affection than anything else. Diluc’s eyes narrow at his brother, who just laughs in response.

“Get your hands off of-“

“Oh don’t worry, brother. I would never keep them somewhere they don’t want to be.” Kaeya mocks. “You, on the other hand, can’t say the same.” Even with his words, he loosens his hold on you and leans back a bit.

Rosaria returns with your round, greeting Diluc casually as she slips back into her seat. Your pissed off boyfriend wanders away back to his work.

It clicks in your hazy mind that the only reason he’s here is likely because you are. You laugh at the thought, then clink your tankard to the group and drink.

—

As the evening wears down, many people in the bar until it’s pretty much only your group and a few others left there. Diluc lets out a soft sigh as he watches you, trying to soften that jealous pounding of his heart. He takes a sip of his own drink - apple cider, of course. He could never slam back drinks the way that your group currently were. Where had the hours gone?

Oh, no. How many drinks had you had? Whatever was next, he swore to himself that he would make sure that it was watered down. At this rate, you were pretty much welcoming alcohol poisoning with open arms.

Kaeya, wobbly as ever, decides to be the one to approach the bar this time (mostly because Rosaria was leaning against the table, head folded into her arms as she groaned). Diluc shook his head. “No, no. The three of you will drink this whole tavern dry if I don’t stop you.”

“Oh, I’m not here to get any more.” He leans on the countertop. “I just want to know what the hell you did.” Kaeya motions over to you. You’re just giggling at Rosaria’s complaining, leaning over and patting her on the head.

“I’m not talking to you about this.” Diluc leans back, crossing his arms stubbornly.

“Suit yourself.” He straights up. “I should probably get her out of here before you say something stupid.”

“I’m not going to be saying anything stupid.” Diluc shakes his head, looking over the list of all the drinks you’ve had this evening. “You’re all wasted.”

“And yet, you haven’t said last call.”

Seemingly to spite him, DIluc immediately does. He signals over to Charles to round up the remaining people. He knew to leave you last.

Kaeya’s laugh is enough to haunt him. “You make this right, Diluc.” He runs his finger over the counter. “Otherwise I will.”

“Get out of my sight.”

The cavalry captain laughs again, then wanders over to your table. He practically drags Rosaria back up, but she pushes away from him and made her own way to the counter - always a good spirit, she paid for her own portion of drinks and left. Being a nun, she probably didn’t need to use the money elsewhere.

Kaeya was two steps away from just carrying you out the door, but through his drunk mind he finds the clarity to understand just how absolutely inappropriate that would be to do, especially in front of Diluc. Alas, you lean on his shoulder as he assists your steps.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Diluc’s voice calls out, as if to stop you both.

“Usual billing.” Kaeya calls back.

“No, no.” You both look back at him. He shifts on his feet, eyes locking with yours. “I’ll be damned if you go home with him.”

“Then damned you are.” You roll your eyes, turning away.

He calls your name softly. “Step away from him. Come here.”

You take a deep breath. “I am so glad I don’t have to remember any of this.”

Diluc places a glass of water in front of you. “Drink this. You wreak of alcohol.”

“And you wreak of your hatred.” You sit down in front of him, knowing that it wasn’t about to get better.

Diluc’s eyes flicker up to Kaeya. “Get out.”

“Not happening.”

“Kaeya, this doesn’t concern you.”

“Their safety is more than enough concern.”

“It’s alright, Kaeya, just wait outside.” You pipe in, not wanting even more stress.

Kaeya agrees, quietly slipping out the door. Charles is told to escort him away, an act which may have varying success.

Either way, you sat in front of Diluc, not sure what exactly to say to him.

“I’m tired, Diluc. I’m tired of this. I can’t put up with-“

“I’m sorry.” He blurts out, interrupting you. “Please, hear me out.”

“I’m not going to remember-“

“Then I’ll tell you again when you will.” He leans over the counter, not wanting to be apart from you. He calls your name again, as if to hold your attention, “Can we talk about this?”

“I think we talked about this already.” You groan. “Yesterday, plenty of yelling. The Maids and guards can confirm.”

Diluc takes a long breath out. You lift the glass of water and take an even longer sip.

Maybe the barrier of the counter between you made you feel better. But, as tears sprung to your eyes, you felt so, so much worse.

“Do you hate me?” You ask, your voice squeaking. “Do you want to break up with me.”

“No, Y/N.” He reaches for your hands, but you had pushed your stool too far away from him beforehand that he couldn’t. He circles around the bar and gently grabs both of your hands, soft enough in his hold for you to be able to pull away. “Don’t ever say that. I love you.”

“Then, why?” You sob, turning your face away from him, hands still in his. “Why did you yell at me? Why wouldn’t you talk to me this morning?”

“I…“ Diluc stops himself, taking a deep breath. “I was angry. We were both angry.” He shifts, pulling out a stool and sitting in front of you. “I wasn’t acting rationally.”

“When you said you wanted to talk this morning, what were you going to say?”

Diluc hesitates, gripping your hands just a little bit harder. “I was going to ask… I was going to ask if you were happy.” He admitted, quietly. “But I can’t do that. I can’t put you through that.”

You tug him toward you, pulling his hands close to your face. “Why would you say that? I love you.” You sob into his soft skin.

He takes his hands away from your gently, slipping them around your waist and pulling you close to him, into his lap. He tightens his grip. “I’m sorry.” He repeats. “I’m so sorry. I never want you to cry.” He feels his heartbeat heavily in his chest, a distraught washing over him. “Don’t ever destroy yourself like this again.” He runs a hand over your back.

You don’t say anything. You’re way too drunk for many more coherent thoughts to pass your lips. You lift your head and plant a soft kiss on his cheek, and he softly kisses your forehead, pulling you back to his chest so that you don’t try to kiss him anymore - He wasn’t about to let that happen, you were far too drunk.

Diluc was ashamed of his thoughts. His guilt, rising only when he saw you in the present company of his brother, showing affection and finding comfort anywhere except for him. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, nor to you, but as you cried into his shoulder, he couldn’t help the wave of disappointment in himself that washed over. Why could he never be there for the people who needed him most?

“Come on, finish your water, let’s get you home.” He insists, though he holds you tightly still until you stir.

You take the water, sipping it with a slight indignance. He would have to apologize to you again in the morning, but he would do anything to get you to trust him again.

(Part 2 here)

[hotsforharlow]

Urban blowing your back out, PLEASE. IM BEGGING

AN: Hi, I hope you like it x

NSFW

Fuck, you should of known the evening was going to end like this, you thought as your hands grabbed the sheets beneath you. It wasn’t your fault the waiter was all over you, you hadn’t even noticed but Urban was too possessive for his own good. You bite into the pillow underneath you as his large, thick cock hits your spot. “I didn’t even notice him.” You tried to babble out as his hands grabbed at your arse; looking down at his cock moving in and out. You had already squirted around him once this evening, your legs shook as the oversensitiveness of the act had you whining. “I don’t care..you are mine.” Urban whispered into your ear as he reached to make a ponytail in your hair. 

He pulled and grabbed your hip and you knew there would be bruises in the morning. That only seemed to make you more aroused as he fucked harder. His name fell from your lips loudly as his hand snaked around and roughly played with your clit. His larger fingers teased you without mercy as he pinched your clit some more, sending sparks of pleasure inside you. “I can’t…” You whined, biting the sheets once more after remembering you didn’t have the house to yourself, not that Urban cared one bit. “Shh, you can give me more.” Urban purred and moved to press open mouthed kisses at your neck, marking you as he always did when he was feeling this way. Your walls fluttered around him. 

“See, you are nearly there.” Urban couldn’t help but tease you as he brought his soaked fingers of your wetness to his mouth and sucked. “God, you taste good.” He hummed and quickened his thrusts as he fucked you deep and had you collasping onto the bed once more. “Urban..” You cried out his name again as you tried to stay still. You couldn’t stop your orgasm ripping through you as you squirted once more. Your legs shook and you only grew more weak. “Fuck,” You babbled absolute nonsense as your cheeks flushed and your mind was already softening. Urban began to slow down, trying to keep a hold of his own release. His hand grabbed your arse once more with a slap.

“Want you to ride me.” Urban whispered with a smirk as he moved from you, which only had you crying out as you moved to steady yourself. “I can’t..” You whispered again but he only hummed and leaned back. You really were a glutton for punishment, you thought to yourself. You whined and moved to straddle him. “Don’t you want me to just suck you?” You whimpered into his ear as your soaked folds moved over his hard cock. “Good girl.” Urban purred up at you as his hands moved up and down your sides as you teased his head. “Urb..” You whined as he made you do all the work. Your legs were shaking as you moved over him again before finally allowing him to slip back inside. He bottomed out and your hands moved onto his chest to settle yourself.

“There you go.” He coed up at you as you began to move your hips as best you could. Your eyes still rolled and you clutched at the sheets beside him. “Please..” You whined, not knowing what you were truly begging for as you continued to rock on him. His cock touched deeper places in this position and you wondered what you were going to feel like tomorrow. “You are mine, aren’t you?” Urban hummed and thrusted into you, taking your breath away as a loud cry of pleasure escaped you. “Yes, all yours.” You babbled as your bouncing began to speed up. “Forever.” You promised and it seemed to calm him for now. He finally took pity on you and began to move inside you, hitting your spot again and again.

“I bet he couldn’t pleasure you like this.” Urban hummed out as his own moans finally escaped him. “Urb..” You cried out, both at his words and actions as he fucked you deeper, if that was even possible at this point. Your whole body seemed to be shaking now; you didn’t even think it was possible to cum this many times. He continued his quick, harsh thrusts as you tried to bounce. Your heart was racing and you could hear it in your ears. His thicker fingers moved to tease your clit some more as you tried to hide from the pleasure. His hands moved to find your breasts now as he pinched and palmed them to his heart’s content. His own stomach was tightening now.

It was only a moment or two later when your orgasm ripped through you; squirting around his cock and onto his stomach, which only seemed to make him more aroused. “Fuck, Y/N” He moaned your name as he finally came inside you. You leaned in and captured those lips of his as your body continued to shake some more. You slowly moved from him and near enough collapsed next to Urban. He moved onto his side as your legs tangled together. “You okay?” He asked, in slight worry he’d gone too far but you only hummed and snuggled closer to him in near exhaustion. “Good. Too good.” You babbled into his ear and he smirked; pride swirling inside him.

“I love you.” He whispered into your ear. His fingers moving through your locks. “I love you too.” You sleepily responded before hiding into his neck to fall asleep. Your body needed it’s rest as you clutched onto him. Your legs tangled with his as you hummed. Urban could only watch with the softest look ever. He really didn’t deserve you. He pulled the covers up, cocooning you both and keeping you close as he soon fell asleep. All the thoughts of you finding someone better leaving him and he could finally relax. 

~

“God, Urban. I can’t move.” You whined as you turned over. The soft aches on your body hadn’t left during the night and you could only curl up. “I’ll give you a bath.” Urban coed into your ear, softly kissing your cheek as he hid the growing smirk coming across his face. He had done a number on you and it was the hottest thing ever.

[tumblezwei]

So, I’m not super great at the whole “final overall review” kind of thing because my thoughts are too scattered to ever form that kind of thing properly, but here are my final thoughts about Ice Queendom as a whole.

First, to get this out of the way, as a standalone project IQ is a 6/10, some episodes are a 4. The recap in the beginning does a decent job of catching newcomers up to speed with what RWBY is about in vol 1, but it just doesn’t have enough time to establish a lot of core elements that would have made the original story they added better. JNPR’s friendship with RWBY is completely brushed over, especially Ruby’s friendship with Jaune. Ren and Nora getting even less screen time than they did in volume 1, which is saying a a lot. The dynamic just isn’t there so JNPR being present for Weiss’s Nightmare treatment just feels forced, and I imagine would feel especially so for people who haven’t been following these characters and their friendship for 9 years.

The middle of the show drags. It was one of my fears that I had hoped wouldn’t come to pass, but there is way too much time spent slowly going through Weiss’s Nightmare, leaving to regroup, and going back to do the same thing. I think it would have benefited the show greatly if they had varied up the environments a lot more so we weren’t backtracking to the same three locations multiple times in a row. It would have been great if they really pushed the symbolism and abstractness of the Nightmare realm. Or if they couldn’t, they should have cut the amount of time RWBY was in the nightmare to make more room for vol 1 recap.

The animation took a nosedive. Am I surprised? Of course not. This is a D-list anime made for a niche audience that of course wouldn’t get the care and attention that something like...I dunno Attack on Titan or My Hero Academia would get. But it’s not just the poor quality of the action scenes in some episodes, but the lackluster and sometimes downright awful directing. Episode 10 had the worst of it imo but sometimes I truly had to stop and go “wait where are we what’s going on?” And there are other times where the animation itself is decent, but you could tell it’s not as polished as it should be. 

The racism subplot is not helped by IQ’s tenuous addition to canon. It leaves the topic just as shallow and unexplored as it was in volume 1. While we do get to explore Weiss’s inner psyche more in depth and it does lead to some interesting developments, ultimately it doesn’t really say anything new or profound. It’s the same “we’re both at fault” message that RWBY had already outgrown years ago with a funky new hat. 

Suffice to say, if I wasn’t already a RWBY fan I would have stopped watching this around episode 6 or so. maybe I would have stayed for Ruby because my love for her is fated in the stars, but it would have been in spite of everything else around her.

Ok I’m done shitting on it let’s transition.

As a RWBY fan? This is a fucking 10/10 show are you kidding me????

Players and Pieces animated??? White Rose nation waking from their long slumber?? Yang roasting the shit out of Weiss at any given opportunity?? Actually really good and accurate characterization of all the characters that made me see that yes, this is a labor of love and people cared about it?? A (still heavily flawed) exploration of Weiss’s prejudice that we should have gotten on volume 1?? RUBY USING HER SILVER EYES???

How can I not love this show

Even when it dragged there was always something that RWBY fans could point to and freak out about. Whether it was shipping fodder or character analysis or pointing out how this or that scene parallels with something from the OG show, every episode had something to like about it. Y’all know how I freaked the hell out about Ruby in episodes 8-9. A newcomer wouldn’t be able to have that reaction, BUT I SURE FUCKING DID. Would yang using her semblance make any sense for someone who wasn’t already introduced to it in the trailers and volume 1? Absolutely not, BUT THAT SCENE WAS HYPE AS FUCK.

The fights during the middle part weren’t anything to write home about, but when it came to showing off the parts of OG RWBY that made it some beloved the animators went all out. And honestly that’s all I care about. 

The racism subplot didn’t say anything new but it gave me a way to further analyze and obssess over these characters that I already love so much. 

Watching Pyrrha pine over Jaune and crying about it because it’s Pyrrha. Seeing hints in the dialogue about Ren’s semblance. Me personally saying “her right arm, are you fucking kidding me?” when Yang reached out to Blake to pull her out of her Nightmare. The Little Weisses!!! Analyzing the hell out of the Nightmare when we first saw it because of course we know everything about Weiss and we could pick up on those little details. Bat Whitley getting shot like 3 times. Me personally, again, saying “fuck off, Ozpin” when he was like “sometimes adversity reveals your true power :)”

Fun in a way only a RWBY fan can experience. And that’s me, so I had a lot of fun with this show.

And all of this was written before the last episode aired today. And upon seeing that episode, everything still stands as I expected it would, but I have a bit more to say. IQ was made for RWBY veterans. It was made for people who’ve been watching this show for nearly 10 years and have loved it through all of it’s growing pains. I’ve seen the sentiment that the food fight at the end wasn’t as well done as the original, and yeah I agree. But the problem with that criticism, in my opinion, is that IQ’s food fight was never meant to act like a replacement. It was an homage. It was the show going “look at this, you remember this, right? You remember how you felt when you first watched it?” 

IQ is kind of a mess. Some of that mess could be fixed with more time and budget, some of it couldn’t. But I still think it deserves a place in RWBY fandom history, because it’s made by people who know and who love RWBY as much as we do. 

Now give me a season 2 focusing on the time skip between volume 3 and 4.

[peachycoreroo]

Hey!! could you do another "using the safe word" with kuroo, oikawa and tsukishima? thank you💕

characters: kuroo tetsurou, oikawa tooru, tsukishima kei

genre: smut, bit of angst, fluff at the end

word count: 1.7k

warnings: mean boys:(, fem!reader, vaginal penetration, degradation (duh), big dicked boys ig, use of the safe word, cervix abusing, kitten as a pet name, use of ‘slut’, ‘bitch’, ‘slutty’, ‘whore’, choking on a dick, one (1) face slap, daddy kink, master kink, jealousy, oral m!receiving, car sex

authors note: of course nonnie!! thanks for liking the first one sm that you wanted to request another<3 not really proof-read oopsie, but just another reminder that your favs would never hurt you and this is purely fiction<3

pt.1: suna rintarou, kita shinsuke, shirabu kenjirou

kuroo tetsurou:

it wasn’t your fault.

truly, it wasn’t. you didn’t even realize you gave off the wrong impression. sure, kuroos’ colleague was kind of sleazy and didn’t stop giving you compliments at the annual company christmas party, but you didn’t think he had any malicious intent. you just thanked him and spoke to him a bit about his work, while kuroo was busy catching up with his superiors.

but all your boyfriend was hearing were excuses when you said the exact same thing to him while he confronted you.

so now, here you were. getting pounded into oblivion in the backseat of his expensive, slick tesla. he didn’t even let you take the new car for a ride yet, but he’s already fucking you in the back of it. priorities.

“fucking slut”, kuroo hissed through clenched teeth, “can’t let you out of my sight even for a second, huh? already running to the next best man to pay attention to you. needy fucking whore.”

the next thrust hit your cervix at an angle that hurt more than it brought you pleasure the way the action normally did, but when you cried out in pain, the tall man behind you only covered your mouth with his large palm and lowly threatened: “you better shut the fuck up and take it, you ungrateful brat, or i’ll give you something to cry about.”

this felt wrong. it felt vile, mean and much darker than your usual jealous sex with him. you weren’t against degradation by any means, kuroos’ smooth voice could be reading the encyclopedia and you would cum just from listening, but this was different.

maybe it was the way he didn’t listen to your explanation, the way not a word of praise was mixed in with the degrading, or the way he kept hitting your cervix at a painful angle, as if to hurt you on purpose.

not your fault. unfair. cruel. vicious. stop. stop. stop!

this were the only thoughts that crossed your mind as your screams and protests got muffled by tetsurous’ large hand. not being able to take it anymore, as he continued to spew harsh remarks, too deep in his jealousy to see how uncomfortable you were, you slithered your arm behind you and tapped his thigh three times. you were never more grateful for the fact that you both decided on a non-verbal safe word when he finally stopped and immediately slipped out of you.

“kitten? fuck, are you ok?”, he questioned, worried, and now hyperaware of the fact that you weren’t reacting as usual as the haze clouding his mind finally subdued.

energy completely spent, you could only fall forward, curling up into a ball, a heart wrenching sob leaving your lips.

“i didn’t m-mean to tetsu’! i was just t-talking to him because i didn’t w-want to annoy you”, you cried apologetically, hands covering your tear-stained face from the black-haired male.

fuck. kuroo could practically feel his chest tighten as he took in your wailing, weak state. he was responsible for this. not his colleague, not you, just him.

slowly, as if afraid to scare you with any sudden movements, he reached out, pulling you into his lap and wrapping his strong arms tightly around you.

“i should be the one apologizing, i’m so sorry, kitten. you never annoy me, you know that, right?”, he softly whispered against your temple, pressing light kisses against it between sentences.

sniffling, you pressed your face against his neck, shamefully mumbling: “you were so busy talking to your superiors, i didn’t want to be the clingy, bothersome girlfriend.”

“you never are. i love you more than anything, ok?” his tender voice as he directed your gaze towards him and gently smiled, had butterflies erupting in your stomach just like the first time you talked to him.

“i love you too, tetsu’.”

oikawa tooru:

„d-dirty fucking bitch.“

was it supposed to sound this…unsure? and were both of your cheeks supposed to burn in embarrassment as if you were two virgins exploring your bodies for the first time?

when your boyfriend first introduced the idea of degrading you in the bedroom, you weren’t too sure, but from the sound of it, he wasn’t either. he normally opted for praise, wanting to shower you in affection and love in any and every situation. where the idea to degrade you came from, was a mystery to you.

it’s as if oikawa was able to feel how you weren’t taking him seriously, because the next thing you knew he had your thighs in a bruising grip, trapping them against the mattress with his large palm by your head and picked up his pace to an animalistic pace.

“fucking slutty brat. not taking her daddy serious? i thought you knew better than that”, he growled, annoyed, while your eyes widened when his fat cock reached new, painful depths in the current position he had you in.

“other women would do anything to have me underneath them, pounding the living shit out of them, while you’re just taking it all for granted. i should just pick one of my groupies at the next game, then you would come crawling back, huh?”

this isn’t what you signed up for. it hurt. everything hurt. the snaps of his powerful hips against yours, his mean threats and his blunt nails digging into the flesh of your thighs.

when big, salty tears started forming, you couldn’t help a whiny, displeased ‘turquoise!’ escaping you. the brunets’ thrusts halted as soon as the word left your mouth, his wide, shocked eyes meeting yours, before realizing how stressed out you were, making him pull out and embrace you without a care about crushing you.

“this was the worst idea i’ve ever had, even more than that one time where i tried to bake iwa-chan a birthday cake and almost burned down his own kitchen on his birthday! i hate hurting you, please don’t cry i- “, oikawa started rambling against your throat, only to pause when he heard you lightly chuckle through your tears.

“yeah, they were both pretty shitty ideas, tooru.”

pouting, he mumbled: “’m sorry.”

you quickly wiped away the tears hindering you from seeing your gorgeous boyfriend before softly suggesting: “let’s just stick with praise, ok?”

the man above you nodded eagerly in agreement before leaning down and capturing your lips in a gentle kiss.

tsukishima kei:

this wasn’t anything new if you were honest.

the usual feeling of your boyfriends’ long cock down your throat was always welcome, and the degrading nicknames leaving his slightly chapped lips were usually a huge turn-on, panties sticking to your wet, puffy pussy.

but today was different.

you had an awful day and just wanted some soft sex to make you feel wanted and needed, unlike your horrible job made you feel. not only were you running around fixing other people’s mistakes, but you were also constantly reminded that if you didn’t, it’d be easy to replace you.

though when you got home and your tall, blond boyfriend told you how much he needed you, you didn’t have the heart to deny him. now you’re on your knees between his spread thighs, while he sits on a wooden chair in your shared kitchen, his grunts and low condescending ‘such a fucking slut’s and ‘only good for sucking cock, huh?’s filling the space.

your displeased hum and you trying to pull off his cock, got interpreted the wrong way, as he placed a large hand on your head just to push you back down on his long cock, your gagging and choking replacing his sounds of pleasure.

“a good fucking whore keeps doing her job until her master says otherwise”, tsukki provocatively hissed as your teeth grazed the sides of his throbbing length.

you suddenly flinched as you felt a striking sensation on your right cheek, when the blondes big palm collided with it, tears that have already formed from the rough treatment now rolling down your hurting cheeks.

“you’re only good for sucking cock and getting off, so if you can’t do that, i just might need to find a better fucking bitch to get me off.”

at that, you couldn’t hold back the agonizing sob that left you, making you choke on his length once again and with a weak slap to his left thigh, he knew something wasn’t right.

immediately, tsukishima pulled you off his length, trying to be as gentle as he could with his hair tangled in your hair and gently patting your cheek to bring you back to reality, only to freeze when you scrambled away from his touch as if he was about to hit you and cry: “i’m sorry! don’t hit me!”

if you weren’t sobbing loudly, burying your face in your hands, you might’ve noticed how the cogs inside your boyfriends’ mind started turning and his hands shaking from the realization of what he had done.

“y/n…i’m not going to hit you. look at me, please”, tsukkis’ unusually gentle voice reached your ears, making you slowly lift your head and look at him through a blurry curtain of tears.

you could see a slight pink hue spread across his cheekbones up to his ears before he shyly whispered: “you’re the only one for me. i would never replace you, and you’re not only here to get me off. i love you too much for that. i’m sorry if i went too far.”

when you only continued to stare at him with teary eyes, the blonds’ blush deepened and he broke eye contact, too embarrassed at the affectionate phrases leaving his lips just a few seconds ago. it’s not that he’s ashamed of admitting his devotion to you, he just prefers to show it in other ways.

“i love you too, kei. the blush really suits you; you know.”

“shut up”, he grumbled in mock annoyance, a smile creeping onto his handsome features when you laughed.

tagging: @weepinglevi, @thighridingsamu, i feel kinda annoying tagging you but you both said i should tag you in everything so,,,,thanks for being my biggest supporters guys<3

[makeste]

“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua​ has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua​ and @class1akids​’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛め���) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua​ pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

[wandaromanova]

Little Sister

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: one cuss word, minor BW spoilers

A/N: hello! i’d like to note that this takes place sometime before the events in the Black Widow movie! if you haven’t seen the movie yet, please skip over this story and come back later if you’d like! happy reading <3

anon requested: hiii i have a fluff request after seeing bw haha: could you do nat x fem reader where they're laying in bed snuggling, and r asks her about her family and nat tells her and r notices how cute she looks when she's talking about yelena and it's so soft and ahhhh

Summary: Natasha tells her girlfriend about a piece of her past that she never talks about; her sister.

Word Count: 2K

| masterlist | request rules/guidelines | wips |

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

Natasha Romanoff has lived a lot of lives. She has been through more than most.

Nat had been taken as an infant by an organization that trained little girls to become lethal assassins.

She was psychologically conditioned to become a killer, having taken more lives than she could count.

Eventually, Natasha had managed to break free from the cage she was forced into and was recruited as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent; it was a new start for her, an opportunity to compensate for the red in her ledger.

So, Natasha took her job seriously, saving as many people as she could, even more so when she became an Avenger; one of earth’s mightiest heroes.

Natasha found something in the team that she never really had before; a family. She found a home within the dysfunctional team she had been recruited into.

Not only did Natasha find a family within the Avengers; she also found the love of her life.

Natasha hadn’t even considered the possibility of ever finding love.

For starters, the Red Room had instilled the concept that love was nothing but a distraction; a liability.

She had been taught that love was for children and it was nothing but a weakness that needed to be avoided at all costs.

She was quite literally programmed to be emotionally closed off and to always have her guard up. Letting someone into her heart was a risk she didn’t want to take.

When Natasha gained her independence from the organization, she had to do a lot of self-discovering. She had never been able to be her own person, but now that she could, she quickly learned that she didn’t even know herself.

However, it was Natasha’s insecurities that truly turned her off from the entire idea of love.

How could any ever possibly love her? She thought she was a monster for the things she’d done. She has done the unspeakable since ever she was a child.

What if she wasn’t enough? What if her baggage was too much for someone else to carry? She didn’t want to be a burden. She didn’t want to have to protect someone, just to fail them like she had failed so many others.

Natasha was positive that no one would ever be crazy enough to love her.

Little did she know, she would end up finding someone crazy enough to do so; you.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

When the Avengers were formed, you were extremely nervous about it.

All of the files that you’ve read on your new teammates were unbelievable; they were all phenomenal in their own rights. A super-soldier, a god, a genius, a trained-spy.

You were a spy yourself, so you knew exactly who Natasha Romanoff was. She was a S.H.I.E.L.D legend, the best of the best.

You were more nervous about meeting her than anyone else. What if she judged you? What if she didn’t think you were good enough to be an agent, let alone an Avenger?

Not only was she your superior, but she was also your crush. Yeah, you’d never even met the woman before, but you were crushing on her hard.

She was drop-dead gorgeous, but also quite literally a deadly force. Natasha could easily take down anyone she wanted to, and honestly, you wanted to be one of those lucky people.

When you met Natasha for the first time, you were a flustered mess. The redhead found it amusing, how your cheeks turned a bright shade of red and you stumbled over your words as you praised her work.

Natasha never told you this, but she was immediately smitten the moment she laid eyes on you.

There was a kindness and positivity that just radiated off of you and it was extremely contagious.

You were this beaming ball of light that lit up the darkest parts of her soul.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You got to know Natasha extremely well while being on the team. From observing her closely and paying very close attention to her actions, you had managed to pick up on little things.

She didn’t put any creamer or sugar in her sugar; opting for strong, black coffee.

She was kind of a clean freak. If she saw something out of place, she would be quick to put it in the correct place or position.

When she was happy, she would let a small smirk cross her features. When she was annoyed, she would raise her eyebrows.

When she was stressed out or angry, three little creases would appear on her forehead as her eyebrows would knit together tightly; a subtle frown on her face.

Of course, when you began dating the redhead, you didn’t really have to survey her so closely anymore because she’d tell you things herself.

No matter the circumstances, Natasha would always come to you and rant about it. Whether it was about how shitty a mission went or how she beat Clint’s ass during training; you were the only person she wanted to tell.

Natasha had opened up to you, something she never did with anyone. She told you all about her past.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You had some knowledge of Natasha’s previous life, considering it was in her files, but you didn’t realize just how horrible her childhood truly was.

The Red Room, the heavy weight of guilt that rests on her shoulders, the nightmares that forced her to relive the murders she committed, her time as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, and becoming an Avenger.

She’d go on and on about her road to redemption or ‘clearing the red out of her ledger.’

Natasha was terrified when she told you about her demons. She figured you were going to leave her the second she finished talking, waiting for you to get up and walk out the door, but you didn’t.

So, you completely caught her off guard when you pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, placing a soft kiss onto her temple, the redhead relaxing in your embrace.

“You’re the strongest person I know. It’s not your fault, you were forced and conditioned to do the things you did.”

Natasha focused on the sound of your voice and took in your words as you softly caressed her red locks with one hand.

“Baby, the amount of respect I have for you is immeasurable. I applaud you for turning your life around for the better. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Your words had brought tears to Natasha’s eyes, which was a rare occurrence.

She was expecting you to run for the hills, but you chose to pull her closer instead.

In that moment, Natasha knew she never had to be afraid of love again.

You were the most understanding and accepting person she’d ever met.

You would never judge her for her worst mistakes; Natasha had found the one for her and she wasn’t ever going to let go.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

Now, a few months later and a year into your relationship with the Russian, you were both lying in bed and cuddling.

You were both watching a movie when a particular scene came on. It was of a family gathering around a Christmas tree, children excitedly opening up presents with gleeful smiles across their faces.

“You know, my sister and I got to take pictures with a Christmas tree once.” Natasha spoke, her eyes fixated on the screen.

You looked up at her in shock. You didn’t know that Natasha had a sister. She told you that she didn’t even so much as know her parent’s names.

Natasha looked down and noticed your confused expression. She reached for the remote on the bedside table and paused the movie before returning her gaze to you.

“There was a mission I was assigned to in Ohio, as a kid. I was assigned to play the daughter of two other Russian spies, Alexei and Melina. It wasn’t just me though, there was a little girl who was assigned as my younger sister. Her name is Yelena.”

Natasha had a reminiscent, happy smile on her face as she recalled the brief period time of her childhood. She looked absolutely adorable as she rambled on about this part of her childhood.

“We took photoshoots of various holidays to make our family look more realistic. My favorite one was Christmas. Even though I knew they were just empty boxes, I wanted to rip open every single one.”

Natasha let out a small giggle at the thought. Even though she had a smile on her face, you could feel and hear the underlying tone of sadness in her voice.

“Yelena and I would spend hours outside, just playing together. Swinging on the swing-sets, looking up at the stars, bending over backward, and getting into a ridiculous competition to see who could hold the position the longest… I always let her win.”

You could see the fondness in her eyes, the longing. It warmed your heart that there was a small glimmer of light in Natasha’s past. There was at least a sliver of hope that she clung tightly onto throughout her time in the Red Room.

“After 3 years, the mission ended. Yelena and I were sent back to the Red Room and were torn apart from one another.

Natasha’s breathing grew heavier as she recalled the unfaithful day. The sight of her sister being taken, and not being able to do anything to help her; still haunted the redhead to this day.

“There were so many men with guns and armor, they literally ripped us away from each other. I was eleven and she was only six.”

Your heart sunk at your girlfriend’s words as her smile dropped. She tore her eyes away from yours as she blinked rapidly, fighting back tears, but failed. You reached your hand up to her cheek and wiped away the fallen droplets.

“I haven’t seen her since. I’d like to think that she found a way out and got a life of her own; a nice, happy life.”

Natasha placed her hand on top of yours before looking down at you once more. You sent her a soft smile when she let out a shaky breath.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I knew that the it was all fake, but it was still the best part of my childhood. It was real to me.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You nodded your head at her words. She took a brief pause, trying to regain her composure, before continuing.

“Even if we have no true relation to one another, and even if I haven’t seen her in years, she is still my little sister.”

Natasha finished off with a big gasp as sobs wracked her body. You sat up from her embrace and pulled her into your arms, just like you had many times before.

You rubbed her back soothingly as she cried into your shoulder, her tears hitting the exposed skin.

“She sounds amazing, baby. I’m really happy that you had some sort of happiness back then and I hope one day you get to see her again.”

You whispered and Natasha pulled away from the hug, still in your arms as her emerald eyes surrounded by a sea of red, a result of her crying.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I doubt she’d even want to see me. I didn’t even try to find her. I’m a horrible sister! I-“

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You immediately pressed your lips against hers, effectively getting the Russian to calm down. You broke the kiss when her breathing slowed.

“Honey, of course, she’d want to see you again. Like you said, you guys are sisters. I’m positive that it was just as real to her as it was to you.”

You reassured your girlfriend, her eyes a pool of worry and guilt. You rubbed your thumb against her waist, the material of your her hoodie beneath your touch.

“From what you’ve told me about the Red Room, it would’ve been impossible to find her. Stop beating yourself up over it. You’re the best, and I’m totally not biased or anything.”

Natasha let out a small chuckle at that and you smiled at her, wiping away the last of her tears. She collapsed into your hold further, shoving her face into the crook of your neck.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much.”

Natasha’s words came out muffled as her face pressed further into your skin.

“You never need to thank me for anything. I’ll always be here for you, Natty.”

You hugged her as tight as you possibly could, her cold skin meeting your warmth. Natasha let out a small sigh at the feeling.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Wherever you go, I go.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[quindolyn]

Yes, Sir || Remus Lupin

Request: If you’re comfortable writing it could you maybe write a Remus smut where he’s really playing into a size kink and just man handling and throwing you where he wants you? -anon

Word Count: 4410

Notes: Agh! This is my first time writing full fledged smut, I hope you enjoy it. @st0nesnglitter proof read it for me, I couldn’t bring myself to read it again so I attribute all errors to her 

Warnings: Smut, degradtion, size kink, thigh riding, sir kink, professor/student relationship, poorly written, openended cop out

Masterlist

You were lying on your stomach, sprawled along Remus’ king size, four poster bed, face pressed up against a random book you’d plucked from his extensive collection, most of which appeared to have been swiped from the library during his time at Hogwarts. You were sure the book was interesting enough but you could barely focus on it, you’d been waiting for Remus in his bedroom for at least a few hours whilst he was downstairs in his office finishing up grading assignments from his 4th years. 

But it was getting late, and you wanted Remmy. Not allowing yourself to talk yourself out of what you were about to do you pushed your body off the plush mattress, not bothering to straighten out the bedding, if things went your way it’d be in vain.

You took a double take as you passed the floor length mirror. Examining your appearance you noticed your hair was mussed from lounging about his bed trying to find a comfortable reading position. Your uniform shirt was rolled up to your elbows with the top couple of buttons undone to reveal a healthy amount of cleavage accompanied by a glimpse of the white lace of your bra. Your skirt had ridden up dangerously high, the white material of your panties peeking out from the hem of the pretty much useless piece of clothing. You’d already abandoned your thigh highs, leaving your legs enticingly bare. A smirk graced your face as you pulled your skirt up even higher before continuing out the door, down the spiral staircase to your boyfriend’s office.

“Remus?” You rapped your knuckles against the heavy oak of the door.

You were met by the deep, honey like voice of your boyfriend, “Come in.”

Pushing the door open you took in the visual of Remus hunched over at his desk, the sleeves of his button up rolled similarly to yours as he ran a calloused hand through his hair. His desk covered in papers, his hand fiddling with his quill as his lips moved silently as he read. He hadn’t realized who was at his door until he lifted his head, scratching one final note onto the paper.

“Puppy?” He quirked an eyebrow, “I thought you were upstairs, are you going back to your dorm already? M’almost done I promise, just a couple left.”

“Not going back, just wanted to see you. Been waiting too long.”

He motioned you over with a crook of his finger, pushing his chair out from the desk, patting his thigh for you to sit on, “There you go Puppy, get comfortable.” His hands found their place on your waist, helping you settle on his thigh, allowing them to wander up and down your sides, squeezing your waist and hips. “Was my Puppy getting impatient, waiting for me upstairs?”

You nodded in response, your breath hitching as his fingers found their way to the waistband of your skirt, “Are these not fitting you anymore Poppet? Do we need to get you new ones?”

“No Sir,” You mewled, shivering as one hand left your waist band, instead finding their way to the hem of the skirt, now resting on the uppermost part of your thighs.

Remus let out a disagreeing hum, resting his chin on your shoulder, looking over your shoulder to watch his fingers play with the material of your skirt. “You sure Puppy? Because I don’t think so, it's not covering anything, anyone could take a look at your pretty little arse in one of these.” He punctuated his remark by bringing his hand down against your thigh, with no skirt to soften the blow you tensed at the impact before he began massaging the sensitive area with the palm of his hand. 

“Just came from upstairs Sir, no one saw me,” You reasoned in a pathetic whine causing him to grip your jaw in his hands. 

“Did I ask for excuses Bunny?” He spat, turning your visage to face him, his usually bright, sparkling irises now dark, drowned in lust. You whined out, trying and failing to shake your head in his tight grip. “Can’t even answer me? Come on I know you can be a good girl for me, now did I ask for excuses?”

You gulped, “No.”

He tsked, “No who?”

“No Sir,” You corrected yourself, feeling your panties begin to flood at his mocking behavior. 

Satisfied, he let go of your face, taking your hand in his so that your palms were pressed together highlighting the length of his fingers as they dwarfed yours. “Good girl, now was that so hard.”

“No, Sir,” You responded obediently.

His lack of response made you nervous, knowing he was plotting something probably devious. You knew you were right when you felt his lips on your neck, planting sloppy, open mouthed kisses on the delicate flesh that resided there. Your attempts to suppress your whimpers were in vain as he sunk his teeth into the side of your neck, leaving purple marks in his wake.

“Such pretty noises,” He murmured and from the sound of his voice you could tell he his lips were pulled into a gentle smile. Your breath hitched as his hands found their way to your thighs, gripping them tightly as he planted a kiss on one of the blossoming bruises on your neck. “Such pretty noises from such a pretty slut.”

You threw your head back onto his shoulder as small waves of pleasure rippled through your body, reveling in the feeling of his hands on your body.

“Alright pup, let’s get up okay?” It took you a second to truly digest his words resulting in him leaving a gentle, but firm tap against your hip to which you scrambled up to obey him, turning so that you were facing him where he was lounging in his chair. You couldn’t help but shift from foot to foot as his eyes roamed your body, taking in each detail of your appearance, grinning like an idiot when he went to the hem of your skirt, which really was useless now, completely bunched up at your waist.

“Can you take your shirt off for me?” He asked in a cloying tone of voice, almost as one would speak to a child when asking them to perform a difficult task.

Enthusiastically nodding your head you started on the button resting right between your cleavage, the work you made in your efforts was miniscule as it took more than a minute for you to undo the top button with your shaky hands and already cloudy mind not assisting in your efforts.

You felt yourself get increasingly frustrated as you failed to get a solid grip on the next button, the plastic evading your struggling fingertips. “You having trouble there bunny?” Remus’ deep baritone sounded from his chair, you lifted your face from staring intently at your shirt to Remus’, his amusement at your being unable to perform such a simple task evident on his face. 

“S’not my fault,” You complained, “Buttons are just so fuckin slippery!” You were exasperated, this shouldn’t be taking you this long.

“What was that?” All signs of previous amusement vanished from his voice, nearly taking you out at the knees as your soft, pleading eyes met his. He was fuming and it wasn’t until he spoke next that you realized why. “Did I say you could fucking swear you slut?” His voice was cold as his posture straightened itself out.

“No,” He said, not giving you the opportunity to respond for yourself, “I didn’t. I expected you to be my good little girl, didn’t think that was unreasonable, usually so obedient for me.”

“M’sorry,” You pleaded, your hands continuing to struggle with the small buttons, “Didn’t mean to break the rules Sir, just frustrated.”

“Did I say you could talk at all?” He spat, “No, I didn’t now stop breaking the rules, don’t want you to apologize, just want you to be good for me. Now come over here and let me help you with your shirt, fucking pathetic aren’t you?”

Knowing the question was rhetorical you didn’t bother responding, instead just taking the invitation to inch yourself towards Remus until you were standing between his open legs, your fingers still shaking, not yet having abandoned the buttons you’d failed to undo.

“Your hands are so small,” Remus mused, lifting one of his to pry yours away from the material of your shirt, “How do you even get things done with these little things, oh right,” He tightened his grip on you, “You don’t. Need me to take care of everything for you, can’t even take off your shirt. S’that right baby?”

“Yes Sir,” You murmured.

“Let’s get this off of you,” It took him half the time to undo the rest of the buttons and get the shirt off you that it took you to undo one button. Remus’ pants got considerably tighter taking in your appearance, your breasts clad in his favorite color on you. 

“I’d ask you to take off your skirt too but you need my help with that too don’t you puppy?”

You were quick to nod, desperately wanting to be naked as soon as possible knowing that the sooner Remus had access to your cunt the sooner you’d be feeling good. 

Opposite to the civil, careful approach he took in ridding you of your shirt, Remus quite literally tore your skirt from your waist, leaving your skin stinging at the aggression of his act. A blush creeped up your neck as your cunt pulsed at his action, watching him inspect the ruined material.

“How can you even wear something this small? It's so small, so short. What does it even cover? I wouldn’t even fit one of my thighs.” Ironically he took the time to carefully fold the skirt and set it on his desk before pulling you even closer to his body by your waist as if you weighed nothing. He splayed his hand out against your lower stomach, frowning as he watched the skin of your belly disappear underneath it. 

“So much prettier when I can see my cock inside of it, it's practically half your size puppy.” 

“Want your cock Sir, please give me your cock,” You pleaded shamelessly, gripping at his forearms.

“Beg,” He ordered simply and unwaveringly.

Not missing a beat you did exactly as he asked, and you begged, “Please Sir, please give me your cock, I need your cock. Feel so empty without it. Please Sir, make me feel good. I’ve been a good girl I promise.”

“You wouldn’t lie to me would you bunny?”

“No Sir, I would never lie to you.”

“Good,” He nodded approvingly before swiftly pulling you down so that you were on your knees before him, “You look so pretty on your knees, so easy to get you there for me, so obedient,” He murmured affectionately brushing a finger delicately across your cheekbone which already felt warm erupted into flame at his touch.

Wordlessly he started on undoing his belt, the distinct clink of the metal sending shockwaves through your body, your mouth began watering as he undid his zipper, pulling both his trousers and boxers down slowly, allowing his hardening cock to spring out against his stomach. 

You began to reach for his cock but quickly stopped yourself, looking up at him, blinking owlishly, “Sir, may I touch your cock?”

“Go ahead Puppy.”

As soon as he granted you permission you were on your calves, kneeling forward to take his cock in your hand which barely wrapped all the way around it, your fingertips only brushing each other as you pumped your hand up and down on his member. 

“Maybe your hands are good for something,” Remus growled, “So tiny but they can still pump cock can’t they?” His harsh words were contrasted by his delicate touch as he brushed hair from your perspiring forehead. Then threading his long, slender fingers through your hair they anchored themselves at the back of your head, using his leverage he tilted your head upwards to make eye contact. “You gonna wrap those pretty lips around my cock Princess? Make me feel good?”

Your answer came as you leaned forward, his hand not even needing to guide you into motion. You peaked just the tip of your tongue out between your teeth to kitten lick the head of his cock, lapping over the slit feeling the grip on the back of your head tighten.

“Don’t tease me Puppy,” He warned lowly.

Taking his threat at face value you licked a broad stripe up the underside of his cock, tracing a distinct vein that thrummed under your oral muscle. Breathing in deeply you sucked the tip of his cock in between your lips, looking up at him you saw his eyes clenched closed as he tried to refrain from bucking his hips up into your mouth. 

Working the entirety of his cock into your mouth you gagged as he hit the back of your throat, seeing that you were only half way down his now completely engorged member you willed your gag reflex to not get in the way of your mission as you forced him further down your throat. Feeling a few tears run down your face you wrapped your hands around the few inches that you couldn’t quite fit, working them up and down the sensitive, exposed skin.

“Such a good puppy,” He praised, “Taking my cock so far down your throat, can see it bulging in your throat. See,” He reached out, tracing his outline down your neck, “Right there, such a good little thing taking me in your mouth.”

As you bobbed your head up and down on his cock, hollowing your cheeks Remus let out a pornographic moan, god you loved when he was vocal. The sounds of his groans and grunts spurred you on, daring you to take him deeper into your mouth until your nose was finally nestled in his happy trail, brushing against his pubic bone, saliva making a mess of your lower face.

“Gonna cum Puppy, gonna cum down your throat, and you’re gonna swallow it all up for me like a good girl.”

He was right, he was about to cum and you could feel his balls starting to tighten, wanting to get him there you moaned around his cock which was still resting deep in your throat, his movements chafing your vocal cords. 

The vibrations of your moan sent Remus over the edge, causing him to buck uncontrollably into your mouth, triggering the gag reflex you’d been able to keep dormant up until then. As he came he let out a string of curses, allowing his head to tip backwards and rest languidly against the back of his chair.

You kept his cock in your mouth, swallowing each strand of cum he shot down your throat until he removed himself from you and letting his dick hang lazily in between his legs as he leaned down, melding his lips with yours.

“Did I make you feel good Sir, did I satisfy you?” 

He let out a dry laugh, nodding his head slowly as he already began to recover from his orgasm. “Yes, puppy, made me feel really good.” To your bewilderment he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head before turning his chair back towards his desk, leaving you, mouth agape, trying to figure out what to say. He wasn’t really going to leave you like this, was he?

You were too confused to notice the subtle smirk pulling at his lips, he knew exactly what he was doing. He really did want to make you feel good, you’d made him feel so amazing just moments earlier and he wanted to reward you for that. But he was going to make you ask, like the good girl he knew you were.

“Yes, bunny?” He lilted, picking up his quill and dipping it into his pot of ink.

“I-I thought you were going to make me feel good Sir?” You asked, rubbing your thighs together, desperate for release.

“Is that how we ask, bunny?”

“No, Sir, I’m sorry. Please make me feel good,” You corrected yourself.

“That’s better,” He murmured approvingly, pushing his chair back out from his desk where he abandoned his quill, smearing ink on a random paper.

With a flick of his wrist you were getting up off your knees, standing submissively before him, you could now feel your slick on the inside of your thighs.

“Over here Poppet, on my thigh.” He helped you straddle his bare thigh, causing you to gasp at the mere sensation of him between your legs.

“You wanna cum? Then you can cum on my thigh while I finish up these papers, then when I’m done, if you’ve been a good girl I’ll fuck your little pussy.”

“O-okay Sir,” You nodded, beginning to thrust yourself against his thigh, the ridges rubbing deliciously against your soaked clit. It practically killed you as he went back to his work, the sound of his quill scratching against parchment nothing compared to the sound of his grunts as he destroyed your cunt. 

Remembering what was promised to you if you were a good girl and got yourself off on his thigh, you got back to work. Dragging your clit up and down his leg, you tortured yourself, not letting you go as fast as you desperately wanted to, knowing you’d get teased for being so needy and desperate. 

Throwing your arms around his neck you picked up your pace and feeling pleasure boil in the pit of your belly you tried to suppress a moan, knowing that good girls wouldn’t distract their Sirs while they tried to do work while at the same time letting their sluts get off. But despite your best efforts a soft moan escaped your red, swollen lips. 

“Keep quiet slut,” Remus scolded, the sound of quill to parchment not even pausing as he spoke to you, “Or you won’t get your reward.”

It was fate that you managed to remain quiet as you more closely approached your orgasm, you were so close the pleasure boiling in your stomach had you twitching as you shamelessly thrusted into Remus’ thigh, giving up on any pretenses of self control. You reached down to rub at your clit, desperate to tip over the edge of pleasure you were currently tip-toeing, but even while multitasking Remus was still the most observant person you’d ever met. Catching your hand before it ever made its way to your clit he squeezed it harshly.

“You know better than to touch what’s mine without asking Princess, come on slut, get yourself off on my thigh. You’re close, don’t even try to deny it.”

There was no correcting him as your climax washed over you at his command, sinking your teeth into his still clothed shoulder to muffle your scream as waves of pleasure crested through you, leaving you a shaking mess as cunt pulsed around nothing, still painfully empty.

You sighed, throwing your head onto Remus’ shoulder as he finally dropped his quill again and rested his hand on your back, rubbing it soothingly until coming to the clasp of your bra, expertly undoing it with one hand while the other anchored itself in your hair, pulling your head back to look you in the eyes.

“Aw, puppy don’t tell me you’re too fucked out already? Haven’t even given you my cock yet.”

“No, no Sir, m’not done, I can take more, I need more, please.” You begged unabashedly. 

That was all Remus needed before hooking his hands underneath your thighs and lifting you up into his arms. Shifting your weight to one arm he used the other to swipe the contents of his desk onto the floor, paying the sound of shattering glass no mind as he dropped you onto the desk. Your clothed bum hitting the unforgiving wood.

“Look at you,” Remus murmured, leaning back to take in your appearance, bare tits on display for him, legs clenched together hiding your closed pussy from his view. Sliding his hands between your closed legs he forced them apart, you putting up no resistance making it an easy feat for the werewolf. 

A simper graced his lips, now being able to take in the view of your clit, partially visible through the soaked material of your white panties. 

“So wet,” He mocked, reaching out a single finger to gently massage your clit, “So wet and I haven’t even touched you. How pathetic.”

Without warning, just as he did with your skirt, he tore your panties off your body, slightly less impressive now that you’d already seen him do it with much more substantial fabric, but still enough to send another gush of wetness to your cunt.

Lifting your bum up from the desk you allowed him to slip the waste of fabric out from beneath you. 

“You want me to fuck your cunt now puppy? You want my cock in you?” He taunted, pumping his hand up and down his cock, appraising your body, smiling as he took in his favorite sight in the world.

“Yes please Sir, need your cock, feel so empty without.”

“Course you do,” Quicker than you could comprehend what was happening Remus had abandoned his cock and instead had flipped you around so that your waist up pressed against the worn wood of the desk. You were forced to support yourself on your forearms as your legs dangled uselessly in the air, toes barely grazing the floor of his office. A chuckle in Remus’ low baritone sounded through the room, “So small your feet can’t even reach the floor, how adorable,” He accentuated his point with a slap to your arse, causing you to jolt forward.

“Sir,” You whined, “Please, I need you.”

“You think this little cunt can take my cock? So small, I might just break it.” He mused, pushing his index finger into you, smiling when your walls clenched around him. 

“No Sir, I promise I can take it. I’ve taken it before.”

“That you have Poppet,” He agreed, positioning himself behind you, you gasped, feeling the head of his cock trace your clit before he pushed the entirety of his length into your quivering hole, watching as you greedily sucked in all 9 inches of him.

“Fuck!” You swore, Remus’ rule slipping your mind as you lost yourself in pleasure.

“Don’t be a naughty whore (Y/N),” He warned, “Told you not to swear, didn’t I?” He questioned as he began to thrust into you unforgivingly, gripping your hips to stabilize you on the desk as without it you were uselessly sliding against the desk.

“I’m sorry!” You screamed as pleasure began to overwhelm you, with so little break between your last orgasm and the current ministrations on your pussy you were a whimpering mess.

“You should be,” He growled, leaning over you, bracing himself on his forearms to whisper in your year, “M’so good to you, least you could do is follow my rules. They’re not that strict.”

“They’re not!” You agreed as the new position allowed him to hit a new place inside you, intensifying your pleasure tenfold, if that was even possible at this point.

Gripping your hips and lifting them up slightly Remus increased his bruising pace, the combined sensations of his cock inside of you, his balls slapping against your clit, and you upper body rubbing against the desk had your eyes rolling back in your head as the pleasure began to overwhelm you.

At this point you were being fucked so thoroughly and ruthlessly that your feet weren’t even grazing the floor anymore, instead they were limp, hitting against the front of Remus’ desk as he supported your weight in his hands.

Remus was able to stretch you out like no one ever had before, to the point where pleasure bordered pain and the line between the two blurred to the point where you weren’t even sure if you knew what day of the week it was.

“What a little slut, if anyone came in right now they’d see you getting fucked by your professor,” You moaned at Remus’ filthy words which went directly to your cunt. “You’d like that though, my little exhibitionist.” Another smack to your bum was delivered as Remus lifted your lips even further into the air to reach new depths inside you. “Always so hungry for my cock aren’t you? Can’t go a single day without me filling this cunt of yours, can you?”

Your response was swallowed by a moan as Remus sped up his thrusts as his cock started to twitch inside you, causing you to clench your pussy around him.

“I’m close Sir, may I cum?” You pleaded, your voice shaking with the effort it was taking you to keep your orgasm at bay. 

“No,” He commanded through gritted teeth, “You’re not gonna cum until I say you can.”

“Ye-es, Sir.”

Remus growled as his thrusts stuttered, cumming inside you, rope after rope of thick cum painting your walls in his release. He stayed there inside you, leaning over you, your back pressed to his chest until he caught his breath. 

Pulling out of you he smiled, watching his cum drip from your cunt, “So pretty,” he murmured pushing a finger inside you and with it his release. 

“S-Sir?” You stuttered, not daring to move from your position until he said you could.

“Yes Puppy?”

“I didn’t cum.”

“You think I didn’t notice that? I’m not daft,” He shoved two fingers inside you, pumping them in and out viciously before completely pulling them out of your hole causing a pathetic whimper to escape your lips at the empty feeling that settled in the pit of your stomach where your pleasure still simmered.

“Feel so empty without something in there don’t you?”

“Yes, Sir.” 

“Get yourself up to my bedroom and when I get up there after I finish these last few papers I’ll make you cum over and over again Puppy.” With a light swat to your bum he zipped himself back into his pants but you were too desperate to move. “Now, before I change my mind.”

That got you up off his desk, darting up the stairs to his room where you laid dutifully on his bed, waiting for his arrival.

tagging: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts