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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

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If I Fell For You (Part 14) - Keep Close

Summary: The Ackles have the Padalecki’s over for dinner and let it slip that they’re engaged. Things seem to be going well but the anniversary of the accident is coming up and the reader comes up with the Ackles taking their first vacation together as a means of distracting Jensen as well reconnecting with Ray...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 4,800ish

Warnings: language, mention of sex, mention of a dead parent/spouse, anxiety

A/N: Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

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“I’m stuffed,” said Jensen that night, the kids running around playing soccer in the yard after dinner.

“I need that chicken recipe,” said Jared.

“I’ll write it down for you guys,” you said, sitting back in your chair. “You can do it with breast too if you like that better.”

“I want exactly this like, everyday from now on,” said Jared. Gen rolled her eyes and Jensen pulled out his phone. “Want me to take a pic?”

“I don’t need your freakishly long arms just yet,” chuckled Jensen. He turned around and took one of the four of you at the table before handing off his phone. “Mind getting one of us?”

“Your mom harassing you for engagement photos already?” asked Gen.

“By the time we were leaving they were both asking for photos and being obnoxious. Better than they were though,” said Jensen, smiling beside you. Jared took a few more and handed the phone back.

“I still can’t believe your parents would act like that,” said Gen. “I mean obviously I’m super happy it got fixed but that’s so unlike them.”

“They made a mistake is all,” you said with a smile. “I don’t know about you guys but I’m going to finish this beer in the pool.”

“I think I’ll join you,” said Jared. He stood up and had a look on his face you caught too late. Before you knew it he had you picked up and was jogging over to the deep end and jumping in with you.

“Jared!” you said when you popped up. He giggled and swam off to the shallow end. “After I helped pick up the plates ya big lug.”

“We got it,” said Jensen, carrying over two beer cans and handing them to you. “We’ll join you guys in a few.”

About ten minutes later Jensen was leaning against the side of the pool in his bright red swim trunks, handing you the other half of his cookie cake piece.

“So any big plans for the wedding?” asked Jared, sat on the pool steps with Gen.

“I have a thought,” you said, turning to Jensen. “I haven’t discussed it with Jensen yet.”

“Vegas. Shotgun wedding,” he laughed. You shook your head and he grinned. “You’re thinking the farm, aren’t you.”

“What do you think? It could be outdoor or indoor, whatever it needs to be depending on the weather.”

“I’d love that,” he said, giving you a squeeze. “That’d be perfect for us.”

“You own a farm?” asked Jared.

“Yeah, ten minutes from the brewery.”

“Dudes. You can open bar with your own beer. Oh and dibs on being a groomsmen.”

“Like that wasn’t gonna happen,” said Jensen.

“I don’t know on that,” you said. Jared’s face fell and you shook your head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that you wouldn’t be one. Of course you would. I just don’t have a lot of close girlfriends. I think it’d be weird if Jensen had a ton and…”

“I don’t think it’s weird,” said Gen. “We didn’t have an even number at our wedding.”

“We got time to figure that stuff out,” said Jensen, holding your waist. You finished the last bite of cookie and hummed.

“So you two having a kid?” asked Jared. Gen whacked his chest and he shrugged.

“Jesus, Jare. Don’t ask that.”

“They’re our best friends and godparents to our children...although I guess Y/N didn’t know that she inherited that until now but come on, I know you’re wondering too.”

“Shut up,” said Gen, crossing her arms. “Obviously if they decide, they’ll tell us when it happens.”

“Yeah, I think there’ll be at least one,” you laughed. Gen lit up and turned to Jared.

“Last time they said they were having a baby guess what we did? I can’t handle no more babies,” said Jared.

“Can you even get that thing up anymore?” teased Jensen, sipping on his beer.

“You’re one to talk, old man.”

“That shit still works just fine.”

“Just fine?” shot back Jared.

“Oh my God. You’re both good at sex. Y/N be grateful you’ve missed this same conversation over and over for the past sixteen odd years,” said Gen.

“I’m still taller,” said Jared with a smirk.

“I can last longer,” said Jensen with one of his own. They narrowed their eyes at one another and Jared stood up.

“Go wrestle on the grass,” groaned Gen. They both huffed and got out of the pool before starting to playfully wrestle. “See, what you may not realize yet is you have another child right there.”

“Yeah but he’s hot,” you said, Gen laughing while you sat beside her. “Do you guys really talk about sex with each other?”

“Yes and no. The boys are you know, boys. They’d combust if they didn’t tease each other. I wouldn’t say there’s like, intimate details or anything ever shared. They’re both pretty private about that sort of thing. Dee and I would talk but more so say we had fun the night before. Shit we probably talked about sex toys more than anything.”

You stopped mid sip of your beer and she laughed.

“When your guy is thousands of miles away for that long out of the year, you gotta get off on your own. You get pretty good at phone sex too. You’re lucky. Jensen won’t be staying away so long ever again he said.”

“No, no. But uh...before Jensen I’d had the same boyfriend forever and he was as vanilla as could be. We didn’t do that stuff really together.”

“I can text you some links to stuff. It’s not like you have to go in some scary store or anything. It’s discrete and I think a small vibe would be great to start with. You can use it during sex or foreplay or whatever. Just you know, have fun.”

“Jensen and I kinda got busted by the cops a week or so back for...activities in the backseat,” you said. She started to laugh and you groaned. “Thankfully it was his friend that caught us so he let us off the hook but...it was kinda fun.”

“Good,” she said, sighing as Jensen pinned Jared down. “Hey so yeah about that wedding thing. Jared had two more groomsmen than I had girls. It doesn’t have to be matchy, matchy, you know?”

“I know. I don’t know if…” you trailed off. “I lost my friend group when I broke it off with my last boyfriend. We’d been together for over ten years and I kept turning down his proposals and they didn’t like that. I have some nanny friends but not a lot and no one I’m really close to. I don’t know if I’d even get more than five people to come for me. Everyone else is his family and friends and I didn’t think about that until just now. I mean what would they think, seeing that? I don’t know if I even want anyone there now.”

“I think what they’d see is someone they care about marrying someone he loves. Just because we’re Jensen’s friends doesn’t mean we’re not your friends too. I know we’re still getting to know each other but we’ll be as close as those two eventually. Ruthie was texting me and we’re having a girls night the next convention in Dallas. You literally have a built in crew ready to go from the show, the girls and the guys. You are so coming with me to the next night I have with my local girlfriends and you got our family. You even got Dee’s parents. You have more than you know, sweetie.”

“I never had a best friend growing up except for my mom. Until Jensen,” you said. “I’ve never really been good at the friend thing.”

“Were you bullied in school?” she asked quietly.

“Don’t tell anyone besides Jared but my dad wasn’t a good person. He hurt me and so I was afraid of getting in trouble so I didn’t talk to other kids all that much until I got old enough to understand what he was doing was wrong and that’s how I ended up being adopted.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Can’t do anything about it now. But I can have it not control my life too. I’ve been pretty good since I was nine in that department. My mom dying sucked and things have been up and down but I like where I am now. This is easily the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

“Jens’s not perfect.”

“I know. But he’s good enough. He gave me a certain confidence to live my life, like really live it.”

“He’s alright,” she smiled. “You know I have an idea about this bridesmaids thing you might like.”

“You?”

“Oh I would for sure but I meant more so I know two little girls that wouldn’t mind. Maybe there’s a boy too,” she said.

“I’m gonna need you to be my wedding planner at this rate,” you said.

“Job accepted,” she said. “I say we go farmhouse modern style.”

“Gen. I got engaged like two weeks ago. We have time,” you said. “We don’t even have a date.”

“At the very least can we go dress shopping?” she asked.

“I’m going to regret this,” you sighed as Jensen stepped back in the water.

“Get yourself a stronger man, Padalecki. That one is weak,” he said. Jared followed him right after and went to tackle him when Gen caught his arm.

“Boys, not in the water,” she said.

“Chicken?” asked Jensen.

“Losers pick up the tab for when we go out this weekend for dinner. Deal?” asked Jared.

“Well in that case, you’re on.”

Two Weeks Later

“Jensen,” you said, carding your fingers through his hair while he absentmindedly burnt some eggs. “You okay babe?”

“Yeah. We ought to pack up the kids, get on the road soon if we’re gonna hit the beach.”

“I’m gonna drive, okay?” you asked. He nodded and you got out the eggs again, making up a new batch. “Do you want to talk to Ray?”

“Why?” he asked quietly, leaning back against the counter.

“Anniversaries of traumatic events can be triggering,” you said. “My mom died two days ago. Well, you know what I mean.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.

“Because it doesn’t trigger me anymore. But it did and this is the first time...the first one is the roughest.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I ought to talk to him.”

“Eat your breakfast. I’ll give him a call and get the kids ready while you guys talk, okay?” you said.

“Thank you,” he said. You kissed his cheek and hugged him before you went upstairs for your phone. It rang a few times but Ray finally answered, noise in the background.

“Y/N. Everything alright?” he asked.

“Hey. Yeah. We’re...we’re pretty good. Today’s the first anniversary of Jensen’s-”

“Ah. I understand.”

“Listen, I know it’s a Sunday and you don’t work the weekends but would you mind talking to him for a few minutes? We’re going down to Galveston for the week in a bit but he’s off this morning.”

“I’d talk to him even if he wasn’t your fiance but especially because of that. You know we’re actually down here ourselves for a few days. Just got down yesterday. If you guys are around...maybe we could get together for that swim.”

“I’d like that. You okay?” you asked.

“I always get a little down on the day but Sarah understands. You understand.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna put Jensen on and um, maybe we can meet at Arillo’s for dinner?”

“We got a reservation there ourselves tonight. How many in your crew? Five? I’ll call and ask for an update.”

“Yeah there’s five of us. Um, Ray?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for being so horrible as a teenager after mom. You loved her as much as I did.”

“Thank you but you don’t have to apologize for that. You got too much pain in your life. I’m glad you found the good stuff too.”

“Are Geroge and Taylor there?” you asked.

“Yeah kids are here. Taylor’s got some internship but she does it online half the day and George is some research assistant thing for one of his professors but same kinda deal. We leave them to work in the morning while Sarah and I have some fun. Want me to let them know you’re coming?”

“Probably a good idea. Not sure how they’ll react,” you said, Jensen poking his head into the bedroom. “Here’s Jensen.”

“Okay, sweetie. We’ll see you guys soon.”

You handed the phone to Jensen and finished up packing while he sat on the bed. You tried to leave him be but couldn’t help listening in.

“Yeah I’m anxious...I don’t want her to drive down today...you know why...I guess...probably...I don’t want to be freaking out for three hours in the car...because it’s today...I know...I know...so I have to suck it up...I don’t want to have a panic attack in the car with the kids...no I haven’t...I’m scared I will though...yeah...I understand...dude that sounds so stupid...that’s not medically anything...no I don’t have my doctorate...I don’t wanna ask her...I said I don’t want to, not that I wouldn’t...I know...I will...maybe I’ll try that too...yeah, Y/N said the first year is the roughest too...I’ll let her be in charge until we get down to the beach today. I think I’ll feel better after the car...yeah I kinda figured out what she was doing planning a trip on today of all days...I need it...really? Yeah, I’m looking forward to meeting up down there too...thanks Ray.”

You finished with your suitcase and had his open for him when he walked into the closet. He swallowed and handed your phone back.

“All good?” you asked.

“Ray thought it might be a good idea if I had something of yours with me on the way down, to keep on me since I’m...anxious this morning about being in a car.”

“Something of mine…” you said, looking at your side of the closet. “Why don’t you pack up and I’ll get you something before the road, okay?”

He nodded and twenty minutes and about three bathroom trips later the SUV was packed up. You hopped behind the wheel, Jensen tapping the arm rest from the passenger seat.

“Here,” you said, reaching into your pocket, pulling out a bracelet. It was fabric, the kind made from craft string, white, rusty orange and a light tan color mixed together.

“I’ve never seen this,” he said as he held it between his fingers.

“I got it on vacation with mom and Ray. Last one we went on,” you said, tying it around his wrist. “You have it.”

He stared at you as you turned the engine on, watching you backout.

“This is too important for me to take,” he said quietly.

“It’s fabric. I want you to have it, okay?” you said, pulling onto the street and closing the gate. He nodded and you turned the radio on low. “Coffee run?”

“Yeah. Coffee sounds good right about now.”

You were only about fifteen or so minutes away from the beach house you’d rented. The kids were either taking naps in the backseats or watching a movie on the ipad. You risked a glance at Jensen, his fingers absently toying with the bracelet while he looked out the window, the radio on low.

“How you doing big guy?” you asked as you pulled off to the exit ramp.

“Pretty good now,” he said softly.

“Mind navigating for me?” you asked. He hummed and picked up your phone from where it sat in the console the past few hours. About twenty minutes or so you were stretching outside of the car, Jensen opening the front door of the house with the code you’d been given. The kids climbed out and were good about each taking their own backpacks while you and Jensen gathered up the rest.

“Come here,” he said, leaving the bags by his feet and kissing you against the side of the car. You grinned and he picked you up in a big squeezing hug. “I love you.”

“I know,” you said. He set you down and kissed you again. “You seem like yourself again.”

“I needed that push, get over that fear. But now, I can enjoy my day with my girl and my kiddos and apparently we are having dinner with Ray and his family tonight?” he asked.

“If that’s alright,” you said.

“One hundred percent,” he said, Arrow jumping up and down nearby. “Honey, go use the bathroom in the house if you have to go.”

“No I’m excited!” she said. “Can we go play on the beach? Pretty please?”

“Hm, give daddy fifteen minutes and then we can go?” he asked. She turned to you and grinned.

“We’ll go really soon sweetie. I promise.”

“Hey guys,” said Jensen an hour later, the five of you down on the beach and mostly watching them build a sandcastle together. “Y/N and I want to tell you something.”

“Is it that you guys are getting married?” asked JJ, patting some sand with her shovel. You glanced at Jensen and he shrugged. “You were talking to Aunt Gen and Uncle Jared about it last night, right?”

“Well, yes we were,” said Jensen. “I suppose we were a little louder than we thought. But yes, Y/N and I have decided to get married. We’re not sure when exactly but in the next year I can say.”

“So we have a mom again?” asked Arrow, fixing her corner of the castle that kept caving in.

“Well you guys are kinda lucky. You’ll get two moms,” he said. “How’s that sound?”

“We missed mom’s day,” she said with a sigh. “Right?”

“We’ll catch it next year, promise,” said Jensen. “Do you guys have any questions or anything you want to say?”

“Do we call you mom now?” asked JJ.

“You guys call me whatever you want,” you said.

“Can we call you mom?” she asked. You nodded and she went back to playing in the sand.

“Anything else guys?” asked Jensen.

“Can I get a giraffe?” asked Zeppelin while he figured out how much water to add to the sand to get it to stick together.

“No sweetie. They wouldn’t fit at our house,” said Jensen.

“Darn it,” he said.

“I can tell you’re all so invested in this topic,” chuckled Jensen.

“Oh! Can my flower girl dress be purple?” asked JJ.

“Your dress can be whatever color you want it to be,” you said.

“Awesome,” she said. “Or black and purple. With lightning stripes.”

“Ah, I knew the classic rock would finally pay off,” said Jensen.

“Maybe Daddy’s suit can be black and white stripes, like a tiger,” you said.

“Like a White Snake music video more like it,” he laughed. “We’ll figure all that stuff out. We wanted to make sure you guys knew was all and if you have any questions or were nervous or anything you know you can ask either one of us.”

“Mom makes you happy again. Of course you gotta marry her!” said Arrow. “Oh and get her a pony. Girls like that.”

“Would you care for a pony, sweetheart?” asked Jensen as he shook his head.

“Are we talking mustang kind of pony?” you asked.

“That’s my girl,” he said, wrapping an arm over your shoulders, kissing your cheek. “Let dad get a picture of you guys. We’re on vacation after all.”

Five Hours Later

“Jensen,” you said, changing into a light summer top and a pair of denim shorts after your shower. He was standing by his suitcase undressed, trailing his finger over his scar. “Honey?”

“A year ago was the worst day of my life and today was a really great one. I get to meet Ray more and even Sarah and the kids who all sound great and...I’m really happy I’m still here to see all this.”

“Me too,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. “Wear your red underwear.”

“Is that a request?”

“I like how you look when you take it off,” you said, gently smacking his ass as you went to go fix your hair.

“I am so grateful I found you,” he said to himself. You smiled and brushed your teeth quickly before checking yourself over and taking a selfie. You sat up on the counter and opened instagram, still silently grateful you’d always had it on private. There was nothing bad on it but Jensen and Jared had tagged you before and all of the comments always seemed to be negative.

“How do I look?” asked Jensen, walking in wearing a short sleeve navy button down and his red underwear.

“So sexy,” you giggled, Jensen digging through his other bag and finding his khaki shorts.

“Can I get away with sneakers and a backwards baseball cap at this restaurant?” he asked.

“Totally. We always eat outside. It’s near the pier,” you said, putting up your post.

“Taking more pictures I can show off of you again?” he asked, grabbing your brush and getting some control of his damp hair back.

“Nobody even sees my instagram hardly,” you said.

“You know the internet knows we’re dating, right.”

“I’m pretty sure your fans still aren’t okay with that fact, even if they know.”

“Oh you’re mistaking the nutjobs for actual fans. The real ones, those guys are cool and nice. I actually got a lot of care packages and things from them last year. Still do. They really are good people. Those other ones that leave nasty comments? Fuck them. That shit don’t bother me anymore.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying family and friends know. Can I show off the woman I love to the world?” You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him in front of you, his head cocking.

“Yeah,” you said. “Better late than never.”

“Okay,” he said. “For now though, I’m looking forward to this dinner.”

“I hope it goes well. It’s George and Taylor I’m more worried about. They were kids when I decided to stop coming around. I only knew them maybe two years, if even that. I know they were upset.”

“Give them some credit. Ray raised them too after all.”

“I’m all set!” said Zeppelin, walking into the bathroom with his paw patrol shirt and nothing else on.

“At least I was gonna wear underwear,” chuckled Jensen. “Little dude. Get some undies on and shorts in the next two minutes or else…” he trailed off as he came in and hugged Jensen’s leg.

“I love you, daddy,” he said.

“I love you.”

“Can we get a giraffe now?” he asked. Jensen rolled his eyes and you released him.

“Let’s go finish getting you dressed, buddy.”

“So you guys were Sarah’s fosters?” asked Jensen towards the end of dinner, all three kids passed out asleep in the stroller or on the bench besides you while you picked at your shared dessert. Neither George or Taylor had said much aside from introducing themselves.

“Guys,” said Ray, nudging Taylor. “I’m sorry for our children’s rudeness. I was afraid of this.”

“Shut up,” they both said, Sarah sighing.

“The kids were both big fans of Supernatural. They grew up watching it with me. It was something we bonded over at first in fact,” she said.

“Oh,” said Jensen, a smirk forming on his face. “Sam or Dean girls? George come on buddy, it’s okay.”

“This isn’t happening,” said Taylor, her eyes squeezed shut.

“So you guys don’t want to hear about the movie, gotcha,” he said, both of them snapping their heads up.

“He really is a dork,” you said.

“Movie?” asked George.

“Someday. You can count on it,” said Jensen. “Maybe I’ll go easy on you guys and ask what mom was?”

“You boys are a little young for my tastes but honestly the guy who played John was very attractive,” she said.

“Even I’d hit that,” said Ray, Sarah laughing to herself.

“You can see Ray wins his ladies over with his charm,” you said, glancing at Taylor and George. “Like you guys could literally ask anything you ever wanted about the show and get an unfiltered answer if you want.”

“Did you really keep the car?” asked George. Jensen nodded and held up his finger.

“When we’re back in town, you guys come over and you can take a spin in it,” he said.

“Okay, he’s cool with me,” said George. You cocked your head and he smiled. “That was the car from the show I always told you about.”

“Oh. I thought you were talking about batman or something,” you said, pursing your lips. “Sorry I wasn’t…”

“You always sucked at pretending to be happy,” said Taylor. You looked down and nodded. “We get it. You had to do your own thing.”

“Don’t hate me for leaving?”

“Maybe when we were little,” she said. “But we’re older and we get that you probably felt like a fifth wheel.”

“Yeah. A lot really,” you said. “It worked out though.”

“She’s a Dean girl by the way,” said Ray, cracking up as Taylor whacked his arm.

“Dad! Oh my God no I’m not! I like Sam!” she said.

“Want to talk to him?” grinned Jensen. Her face went red and you heard a quiet chuckle at the table. “You’re right, we’ll save that for in person.”

“You basically are marrying Dean Winchester without like, the trauma,” she said. Jensen tensed up but kept a smile on his face. You knew Ray caught it when he gave him a simple nod.

“Trauma’s not inherently bad,” said Ray. “Everyone at this table has gone through some.”

“I know, dad,” she said quietly. She looked at George and he nodded. “Our parents were in a house fire. So were we. I was five and Georgie was four.”

“She carried him out and went next door for help,” you said.

“I was in a car accident last year,” said Jensen. You turned your head. It wasn’t public knowledge that he was in the car. He’d flat out told you that aside from family and a few friends, no one besides you knew. “I almost died. My wife did but for other reasons. You can still have trauma and a really good life.”

“Very good point, Jensen,” said Ray. “You two rugrats wouldn’t be around if mom and I had moped around in our misery forever.”

“Was he always such a sap?” asked George.

“From the day I met him,” you said, Jensen grabbing your hand under the table. “Would you mind watching the kids for a second?”

“Not at all,” he said. You excused yourself and brought Jensen along with you, walking out to the beach area, the breeze cool but light.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. I can talk about it now. I went from having the worst year of my life to one of the best. Nothing bad’s gonna happen for saying what really happened. I want to let all that shit go and have the rest of that really good life I was talking about.”

“For someone who keeps a lot inside I sure have noticed a difference in you the past few weeks.”

“To quote both of the loves of my life, I gotta let that shit out more regularly,” he said. You smiled and wrapped your arms over his shoulders, giving him a kiss.

“You know that’s what we call growth, babe.”

“I very easily could have gone the opposite way this year.”

“But you didn’t, cause you tried even though it sucks sometimes. I love you but I extra love happy you and you’re definitely a happier guy now than when I met you.”

“So are you, honey,” he said. “Must make a pretty good team or something.”

“Oh yeah, maybe that’s it.”

“We should honestly get like, married or something, you know?” he teased.

“First I have to know though, are you willing to do cookie cake for a wedding cake?”

“I’m willing to make that sacrifice,” he said. “The real questions is, are you willing to deal with the eventual dad bod that will happen as a result?”

“I love this bod, but I don’t love you for this bod,” you said.

“Thank you for today,” he said softly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said. He grinned and kissed your cheek, hugging you tightly. “What are best friends for?”

“Everything?”

“Hell yeah they are Ackles.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 15 here!

#spn #supernatural #jensen ackles #jensen ackles x reader #jensen series #jensen x reader #rpf #rpf series #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic

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leejungchans · 3 years

Text

— the great debate.

set on december 14, 2020 during ateez’s christmas vlive

juliet’s masterlist

a/n: (very mediocre and very low quality 💀) gif by me!!

warning: a lot of butt discourse 🤡🤡🤡 also this is all just in good fun so don’t take it too seriously, i’ll still love you even if you think we have two butts 🤩

oh no 🤡🤡🤡🤡

we all know what happened in this vlive

okay but before we get into That™️ 💀

let’s just start with the wholesome shit!! 🥰

baby sat between jongho and san

she watched san break the ornament and went 😳😒🤨🧐😟😕 but he gave her a pleading look so she didn’t say anything

she’s not gonna expose him 😔 at least when they’re not playing a game and there’s no competition/prize involved

but it’s useless bc hongjoong saw too 🤡

yunho and san commented that the ornaments looked like pokéballs/master balls and she literally went 🤩🤩🤩🤩 POKÉMON?????????

“giratina!” “giratina!” “GIRATINA!!!! :DDD”

literally never mention pokémon in front of her bc she’ll go on forever 💀

“i trained mine up to level 100 to sweep the elite four 😎”

seonghwa was big confusion

san: you don’t know this?????

yunho: you don’t know arceus?????????

2young: [very offended]

seonghwa: [didn’t watch pokémon and didn’t have a nintendo]

juliet: .....i’ll educate you when we get home 😩😩

okay let’s stop with the pokémon talk bwhdjhwjs i miss my nds hwjshws those were the good times

san put wreaths on jongho and juliet’s heads 🥺🥺🥺

wooyoung: [does a double take] oh you two look pretty 🥰

juliet: really? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

yes bby u look like an angel 😔

hongjoong: [complaining about how wooyoung wrote his initials as ‘hg’ instead of ‘hj’ on the ornament]

wooyoung: [too busy taking photos of jongliet to care]

wooyoung give us the pics 😠😠😠

meanwhile poor hwa was struggling to put the star on top of the tree :(((

juliet: [finally notices] oppa, u good? 😟😟

seonghwa: [gives up]

juliet: it’s okay we can just put u up there since ur a star 🥰🥰🥰

... okay anywAYS!!

everyone minus sangjongliet: [busy decorating the tree]

yeosang: [filming jongliet singing to santa tell me] why aren’t you two helping though 🤨

juliet: we’re working hard to give you a quality performance wtf do u mean we’re not helping >:(

save yeosang

smh not ateez complaining when they were being serenaded by the 4th gen vocal legends 🙄🤚

when seonghwa made the ornament his earring though 🥺🥺

juliet: ur so pretty!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺

wooyoung: [exposing hongjoong for ordering him to get his meal ready]

wooyoung: that was the first time someone treated me like this. it was attractive

juliet: 👁👄👁 should you be saying that on live

that’s rich coming from her when she’s literally the same person who tweeted “no feet pics” 🙄🙄

okay let’s get into the ✨great butt debate✨

for the record, juliet is team ‘one butt’

seonghwa: of course it’s two

juliet: YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN 😀

jongliet were judging him so hard 😭😭😭😭

san: WE ARE ALL BUTTS

juliet: is that your way of saying we’re full of shit

yunho: [starts gesturing butt cheeks with his hands] 😭😭😭😭😭

ateez: 😃⁉️ HANDS DOWN WTF

yeosang: i’ll draw and explain :DDDDD

ateez: ⁉️‼️❗️⁉️‼️⁉️NO DON’T PLS NO WE LITERALLY JUST SAID— ⁉️‼️❗️⁉️‼️

meanwhile she was really going at seonghwa

“IT’S NOT THE LEFT BUTT AND THE RIGHT BUTT WTF THEY ARE CALLED BUTTCHEEKS”

yeosang: we have two nostrils but one nose right? so we have the left and right cheeks but only one butt

juliet, to woosan: why are you two disagreeing??????? he’s literally right?????????????

sangliet intellectuals 😔✨

team ‘one butt’: yeo, joong, yunho, jongho, juliet

team ‘two butts’: hwa, woo, san

juliet: [scoots away from san] the three of you can pack your bags bc i refuse to be in a group with people who think we have two butts 😃🔪

she’s kidding 😔😔 she loves the three of them with her whole being but she absolutely disagrees with them in this situation

hongjoong: does a straw have one or two holes

ateez: [panics]

ah shit here we go again—

jongho: of course two??????

yeah that was the day juliet lost all faith in humanity

she was this 🤏 close to leaving ateez 💀

“JONGHO YOU TOO??????? I’M NOT GOING TO SIT BETWEEN YOU AND SAN ANYMORE I’M GOING TO SIT WITH YUNHO HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME”

yeah rip jusan and jongliet <///3

wooyoung: if it’s one hole it wouldn’t be open all the way 😠

yunho: it’s one hole BECAUSE it’s open all the way

“yunho-oppa i love you so much yes king!!!!”

a very offended wooyoung: JULIE YOU THINK THERE’S ONE HOLE????

juliet: people cut holes in mountains to build tunnels going through them right? but people don’t call it cutting two holes through a mountain to build a tunnel, they call it cutting one hole

san: AHHHH WHY WOULD YOU CUT A HOLE THROUGH ME???!! 😿😿😿😿

get it?? bc he’s san aka mountain??? 💀

THE WAY SHE INHALED SHARPLY BC SHE’S SO DONE WITH HIM AHJEHDHWKJDH

papa joong to the rescue

hongjoong: yah yah minyoung it’s just a friendly discussion don’t get mad don’t get mad

wooyoung: ur cute when ur frustrated 🥰

“well then i’m about to get really adorable 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀”

is it that serious 😭😭😭😭

hongjoong: here it says that according to the national institute of korean language we have one butt

team one butt: WOOOOOO PARTAYYYYY 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

san: you know why it’s one butt? bc 9 makes 1 team. we’re a butt

“STOP CALLING US A BUTT WTF”

hwa: in my heart it’s still two butts 😞

juliet: gtfo 😀😀😀

rip hwaliet </3

san: my father calls me his heart, you know?

so the term he used can refer to either ‘heart’ or ‘chest’ 🤡 so this happened...

yunwoo: DO WE HAVE ONE OR TWO CHESTS ?!^*??¥>^*^

juliet: T W O

hongjoong: OKAY LET’S END THINGS HERE WE’LL DO THIS LATER

so what did we learn today? juliet is team one butt and team one hole 💅🏻 it’s okay if you disagree so don’t worry she’ll still love you :3

different story with her members though 💀

even after the vlive ended she was still debating with the others 💀💀💀💀💀

“MANAGER-UNNIE YOU THINK A STRAW HAS TWO HOLES????????? I AM GOING TO CRY I DON’T LIKE LIVING IN THIS UNFAIR WORLD”

she probably texted felix, somi, ryujin and the two chans that night asking them “one butt or two butts? one hole or two holes? give the wrong answer to break the friendship ❤️”

them: 😟😟😟😟

don’t worry, she was only half-serious 😔

a/n: fully on the same train as juliet ahjwhsjw tbh i thought a long time about the straw dilemma but then i thought of the tunnel-mountain analogy and now i’m fully on board with the ‘a straw has one hole’ train 🚂 as always please leave feedback and chat with me!!! 🥺❤️ i’d love to hear about your take on the butt and straw debate hajshajsjak 💀

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sinsbymanka · 3 years

Text

Writing Tag Game

Okay listen I’m on vacation XD hence why I’m ignoring everyone’s tags/taking forever to respond. But I’ve been tagged in this A LOT and I really liked it/wanted to do it so thank you to everyone who tagged me (oh my god I’m so sorry if I missed one of you there were SO MANY): @noire-pandora, @in-arlathan, @thevikingwoman, @morganlefaye79, @elveny, @kunstpause, @pikapeppa

I’m not tagging anyone because I’m tagging everyone since I’m too lazy to find my tag list (I’m on VACATION). If you’ve not gotten tagged and wanted to do this, say I tagged you.

How many works do you have on Ao3?

147 - I have 145 linked to my profile and two in the anonymous collection.

What's your total Ao3 wordcount?

1,468,248. Almost 1.5 million!!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Of Miracles and Heroes (FenHawke, Cadash/Varric, Varania/Blackwall): 269

Interspecies Relationships Have Their Ups and Downs (Shakarian): 145

Don’t Make it Hawkeward (Varric/Hawke): 135

The Ambassador’s Vices (Josephine/Adaar): 111

The Girl with the Arrow Tattoo (Cadash/Varric): 101

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do (but - to be honest - it takes me FOREVER). I love comments. It’s so much easier to not leave comments than leave comments, so every time someone leaves one I’m blown away. I feel like - for leaving me a comment - you’re definitely owed an answer! I do apologize that it takes me awhile though - I am very bad at answering because they mean a lot to me and I get easily overwhelmed by the AO3 inbox I don’t know why. Blame anxiety.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I’ll be honest, I don’t like angsty endings so I don’t have many of them. By far the angstiest ending I have is Flowers, Lies, and Forgiveness. This is a Bianca Davri/Varric Tethras fic set during the final act of DA2. I wrote it from Bianca’s POV - showing Varric unraveling under the pressure of Kirkwall and Bianca’s complicated feelings about infidelity to her husband who clearly cares about her as well. I wrote it for @hollyand-writes who always lets me lean into the tragic “fucked upness” of the pairing when I’m feeling like making Varric suffer.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending

I prefer happy endings so almost EVERYTHING has a happy ending. My favorite endings, so far, are for Cheating the Dread Wolf, which is my Varric/Cadash/Solas polycule (or as I like to refer to it - Solas has a dwarf kink) and The Viscount’s Mistress which is my Hurt/Comfort Cadash/Varric Trespasser bullshit.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

I have not written crossovers - but I am very into AUs in another setting that belongs to a different fictional universe. Most recently I got back into my Downton Abbey bullshit and wrote Flappers for Fen’harel which is basically a Downton Abbey AU Solas/Cadash and I’m not taking comments about the outrageousness of it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yep. Honestly though? Over the two years I’ve been active in Fandom, the shitty comments can be counted on one hand and usually came from the same people over and over again, who are easily blocked, and should stop seeking out clearly labeled content they don’t like. Me and my work are not for everyone - that’s REALLY okay. I’ve blocked people for no other reason than making things I don’t like - that doesn’t mean they’re bad people.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

GOD DO I.

I am extremely sex and kink positive. Because of this - a lot of my work involves sex in some way or another. I think sex is a beautiful part of many (although not all) relationships, and that it’s frequently glossed over in mainstream media (particularly queer, kinky, and polyam sex).

This ranges from sort of vanilla slow burns (My Cole/Bea fic, Compassion for an Assassin, has smut which hasn’t been posted yet. It’s Cole’s first time and is fairly vanilla and romantic, and occurs approximately 40k into the fic) to some pretty dubious consent near 24/7 dom/sub dynamics with BDSM kinks (I’ve written JUST as much of the Sereda/Gorim problematic smut as @jarakrisafis has in our series Forced Moves).

There’s very few kinks I’m not willing to touch at least to try out - even if I end up not liking them. And the ones that aren’t for me are 100% allowed to exist and I will fight for them to the bloody end. My only recommendation is CLEARLY labeling your shit and not being afraid to add a tag if someone asks you to.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of? I’ve seen ideas I’ve tried on picked up by other people - but I don’t consider that stealing and it’s hard to trace “who has been inspired by who” because we ALL have been inspired by thousands of other people and frankly more stuff for me when I pull you over to my weird AUs and rarepairs.

I also think that’s a huge part of not getting stolen - I’ve got so much weird niche shit that only a couple people read that stealing from me is going to most likely be caught IMMEDIATELY the audience is so small.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t believe so!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I’ve got some co-written secret smut with @blarfkey which almost nobody has seen, I’ve borrowed @tightassets Hawke, Lavellan, and Shepard for fics that she has illustrated, borrowed @tuffypelly‘s Adaars for some great fics, and my most ambitious project - the Forced Moves series with @jarakrisafis. It started out as us just exchanging gifts back and forth but we’ve wrangled it into Gambits and Countergambits, an Aeducan-origin prequel, that I’m VERY proud of.

I love co-writing very much, but it’s very important to find the right partner and for it to be someone you trust completely.

What's your all time favourite ship?

This is a stupidly hard question because I am, at heart, a multi-shipper.

I love Varric/Hawke and Varric/Cadash. I’m also a sucker for Solas/Cadash. My fandom pool noodle is Varric/Cadash/Solas which I adore, and I’m very fond of Cole/Cadash.

Most recently I’ve been DEEP in Aeducan/Gorim Saelac, Bhelen/Rica/Vartag, and Aeducan/Brosca feels. Dwarf origins are the best origins in my opinion and those characters are PERFECT.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I fully plan on finishing everything. My writing style changed a lot, for the better, in a short period of time. I need to integrate my old style/new style and had to get a pep talk about how to do that. Now I’m ready to try as soon as I finish Compassion for an Assassin.

What are your writing strengths?

I write very sexy, hot smut. I also really like playing with character voice and making sure I get them “right” so I do a lot of experimenting before publishing a new character for the first time.

I struggle to write action scenes - it’s like pulling fucking teeth - but people really LOVE my action scenes and they read well. So that’s something I’m proud of even if it feels like doing fucking pull ups.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I never learned anything. My experiences with English and writing teachers were overwhelmingly negative. I’m unsure if I’m just not cut out for classes or if they were that bad, but I always left feeling like there was one “right” way to do it, and everything I liked was “bad”, so what was the point of “learning” anything?

It turns out there’s this very pompous, pretentious thought process in writing where people “assume” things must be done, but GOOD writing teachers teach you the rules and then how to break them. I either never had a good writing teacher or got too intimidated to give them a chance before bouncing.

So I’m exceedingly self-taught. I lack the vocabulary to discuss plot structure, characterization, grammar, etc. I instinctively know most of these things based on trial and error and reading, but I didn’t learn them and I miss a lot of nuance in the rules, but until recently I was still too intimidated and unsure of myself to admit that or take it seriously.

So - my defense mechanism is NOT taking ANYTHING seriously. If my writing is a joke to me, it’s gotta be a joke to everyone else, but that’s been a shield to hide behind instead of being thoughtful about things. I’m here to have fun, yes, but there’s nothing wrong with learning a technique to the art.

I’ve learned - mostly thanks to @blarfkey who is an amazing person and a wonderful teacher - that I am a good writer based on my self-teaching. And being intimidated of people who throw around impressive sounding words is a weakness that I am working on.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Use sparingly and with good reason. It should be short and explained later or clear from context.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter on message boards back in the fucking day. Thankfully none of it exists anywhere anymore.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

This is such a sappy answer and I’m so sorry. My favorite things have been written for and because of people I love and care about. When I read them, I’m not just reading the story, but remembering the relationships I’ve made and how important they are.

So, my top three fics for THAT reason:

1. Cheating the Dread Wolf - written for @blarfkey who inspired the idea and ruthlessly encouraged me to make it happen. This fic was so healing for me because it heavily features Fatherhood within it - and I lost my father in June 2020. I don’t know if I’d have been able to do it without her and it was so important for me to do.

2. Gambits and Countergambits - written with @jarakrisafis and the culmination of a years worth of gifting shit back and forth and crafting a shared universe. The worldbuilding, smut, relationships, EVERYTHING about this fic is so deeply and passionately cared about by both of us and to our knowledge it is completely, totally unique.

3. Relentless, Ridiculous, and Rakish - one of my only primarily gen-fics focusing on a forming brother/sister relationship between Maria Cadash and @tuffypelly‘s Otsar Adaar. I very much enjoyed writing it for her <3

And then my overall favorite fic:

The Viscount’s Mistress: I have a lot of opinions about how fanfiction treats the anchor’s meltdown and the aftermath. It’s one of the things in DAI that resonated with me SO much as someone who lives with chronic pain and a disability. I loved the fact my OC was in the same shoes and STILL saving the world. This is very much a fic that explores all the dark sides of trauma, pain, and the mental health effects of it. But it ends on a happy and hopeful note.

#manka writes #writer tag game thing

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chibinekochan · 4 years

Text

Angel in Hell Season 2 part 9

part 1 | 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8

Gen. reader insert.

Words 2k

Taglist:

@gothjuulpod ; @purgatoryhall ; @sibit360 ; @a-personnamed-ace ; @romy350-romyakari

So now after the long last part, we are ending our journey.

Not everything will be resolved, much of the brother’s grieving process has barely even started.

They will certainly all face their battles to come to terms with what they have lost.

At the very least our angel Mc has found most of the answers for themselves. The rest will come with time.

Here is to an ending and new beginnings.

---------------------------------------------------------

"What is going on here?" You hear Luke's voice.

"We are just discussing some important things." Lucifer waves him off.

"I'd like to ask the same question. Why are you wet and what is with Asmo keeping you steady?" Simeon looks sternly towards the brothers and keeps his eyes on Lucifer.

"I used too much mana healing Levi from a curse." You don't want Simeon to get the wrong idea.

"A curse?" Simeon looks confused.

"I think we should move somewhere else to discuss everything." Lucifer sounds exhausted.

"I'm not sure we should go anywhere with you." Simeon goes to your side while glaring at Lucifer.

"I'm okay with that." You feel that there are still things that Lucifer wants to say.

Lucifer looks at you and Simeon. Then he looks at his brothers. They all still seem very confused and sad.

"Maybe we can move that discussion to later. Just keep in mind that I haven't changed my position about you staying here. Whatever or whoever you are right now was never part of my concern. Even if you were just a normal reborn human or a demon I'd do the same thing." Lucifer states this calmly but it has so much weight that you aren't sure how to respond to that.

"You need to stop being so unreasonable." Simeon frowns at Lucifer.

"Well call me whatever you want but you don't have a patent on loving them." Lucifer glares back.

You suddenly feel like you are in the middle of a crossfire.

"Now now, we all love them but now is not the right time for this." Asmo tries to calm both men down, even when he seems pretty amused by it.

"You probably have a point." Lucifer still glares at Simeon but accepts a momentary truce.

"Everyone, we are going home. Satan cooks today and I will order ice-cream for everyone." Lucifer sighs.

Beel let's Levi go. "Finally I'm starving."

"C-can I have peanut butter flavored ice-cream?" Levi is still sobbing.

"You don't deserve any," Lucifer states coldly.

"I think he had enough for today. Just let him have the ice-cream Lucifer." You feel a bit bad for Levi, despite everything he looks very miserable.

Lucifer sighs and shrugs. "Fine, but better be thankful."

Levi nods.

Everyone else chuckles a little bit.

"Let's go then. Have a good day and rest up." Lucifer seems to only address you.

Simeon ignores this.

"You need to help them stand, Simeon." Asmo addresses Simeon.

You feel a bit better and are about to say no when you notice that Asmo is winking at you. You smile, knowing that he just tries to be nice. He really came around.

Simeon nods and gently holds your arm, to keep you steady.

"Thank you Asmo." You mostly thank him for being a friend.

"You better give me some juicy details later, "Asmo whispers but you are pretty sure that Simeon can still hear him.

The brothers walk-off, being oddly quiet.

Luke sighs. "What was that about?"

"I think they have a lot to think about." Simeon isn't fully sure either.

"I said it to the others but you don't have to worry about this angel and Mc being the same at all anymore. So my work is done. I have a dinner invitation from Diavolo. How about joining me, Luke?" Solomon seems nonchalant as always.

"Huh, why would I want to have dinner with you?" Luke is genuinely confused.

"We have a lot to catch up on." Solomon shrugs and whispers something to Luke. Realization seems to hit him. "Ahhh, yeah we have sooo much to talk about. Don't wait for me, you two." Luke overacts way too much.

It's pretty suspicious.

"Alright have fun, Luke." Simeon just accepts this without any further questions.

You wonder what this about but think that he just wants to give you some space.

"If you wish you can stay at the castle tonight. We have free rooms." Barbatos offers in a very kind manner, even when he just seemingly appeared out of thin air.

"Would that be better for you?" Simeon is worried about your condition.

"A bit of rest sounds great, to be honest, but I don't want to bother anyone." You admit a bit weakly.

"You are no bother. After all the hassle that the brothers have caused you. My lord simply desires to offer you some hospitality. In the hopes that you won't think badly of the devildom as a whole." Barbatos speaks in a very polite manner but it's easy to tell that he means his words.

"I think the devildom is a pretty great place overall. Everyone is very kind to me." You don't have any ill feelings in particular.

Barbatos smiles in a kind manner. "I'm glad to hear that. Lord Diavolo will be delighted to hear that. I suppose this is right for you as well, Simeon?"

"Sure, I have no issues with this." Simeon seems to be mostly concerned about you.

Barbatos nods and then shows you two to a room. It's very nice, with a comfortable couch and a large bed.

Simeon helps you to sit comfortably on the couch.

"Thank you Barbatos." You give him a grateful smile. Now where you sit you start to feel how tired you are.

Barbatos hands you a towel. "There are some clothes on the bed, please feel free to use them."

You rub your hair to dry it some more. "Thank you. My clothes are actually dry now. I had this magical stone to warm me up." You are grateful for that.

"Very well then I will leave you alone. Just call if you need anything from me." Barbatos bows and leaves the room.

Simeon sighs and then takes a blanket from the bed. "You should wrap yourself with this."

You nod and carefully place Lucifer's cape on the side.

The blanket feels nice. Simeon also pours you some tea. He still seems a bit uneasy but patiently waits for you to talk.

After drinking a bit you start the story. "So Levi got us all stuck in a game. Then he got upset and flooded everything. Lucifer saved me. Then Levi came to fight us all, but I think that was because of that cursed armor. I healed him and we all came back here. That's why I was so wet."

Simeon raises his eyebrows. He sighs. "They tend to cause problems. I'm just glad that you are unharmed. You should be careful. I'm also a bit sad that I didn't get to see you in action. I bet that was amazing." He smiles a bit.

You blush. "It wasn't that great."

Simeon chuckles lightly.

"When we came back here Solomon just dropped that I'm artificially made. I mean it's better than being made off... Well you know. So that means I have no sealed memories. I only share Mc's soul and their looks. I'm still not quite sure how to feel about all of that." You look into your cup.

Simeon is quiet for a moment. Thinking about his words. Then he gets up from his seat and hugs you. It's very unexpected but it feels nice.

He is so warm, you hug him back.

"You can take your time to figure it all out." He softly whispers.

"I think I'm glad that I'm not someone else. That sounds pretty selfish doesn't it?" You aren't sure if relief is something you should feel right now.

"I'm glad that you are you, and it's not selfish for you to wish to be yourself. I also think that they were unreasonable to ask this of you in the first place." Simeon sits down next to you.

This feels better than having him across from you.

"What did Michael say?" You aren't sure what to add to Simeon's words and you still need to know about that.

"He skirts around a concrete answer so we are staying in the devildom for now. Well, they won't force us back. So conflict has been averted for now. I hope you are okay with staying here after all of this?" Simeon was hoping for a better answer, for your sake.

"I kinda like the devildom, even when I could use about 60 percent less drama. I was actually thinking of getting a haircut and a makeover or something. I kinda want to look different, you know. It's been pretty hard looking at myself lately." You aren't quite sure what you exactly want to change but it sounds good.

"Hmm, maybe some shorter hair would look good on you. You could also just dye it pink." Simeon chuckles a bit.

You puff your cheeks. "Simeon I'm being serious here!"

He laughs. "I know I'm sorry. I think you will look great in the end no matter what."

You shake your head. "You are such a tease sometimes, but it's kinda nice to see you like this."

"You want to be teased?" He grins.

"No, I don't! I just mean it's nice seeing you so casual." You blush a little.

"Ah, I see. I guess I was pretty formal lately. I will do better from now on." Simeon has to agree.

"I look forward to that." You smile. Suddenly you remember and almost jump up, slightly startling Simeon.

"I completely forgot about the cookies I made you. I'm sure they are ruined now…" You rummage in your pocket and find the bag. It miraculously survived.

You pull it out. "It survived!" You say gleefully.

"These must be pretty special." Simeon gently looks at the bag.

You nod and hand him the bag.

He curiously opens it, the cookies are all broken. You look at the sight with pain. Too bad now Simeon will never guess their meaning.

Simeon looks curiously at the crumps in his hand. "Were these heart-shaped?"

"They were… Luke told me that humans use this shape to express their love." You feel suddenly very embarrassed.

Simeon smiles at you. "Thank you very much I appreciate them." He eats one of the cookies, with great delight.

Simeon doesn't mind at all that they all got broken.

You feel great relief. "I'm truly grateful I have you. Without your support, I would have never come this far."

"I'm sure you would have managed just fine without me but I'm glad that I can be your support." Simeon gently smiles. Conveying his sincere admiration for you.

"I'm not done, let me finish." There is probably not enough time in the universe to tell him everything that is in your mind.

Simeon nods.

"You have been my mentor for a long time and then my friend for probably the same amount of time. I think I have known for longer but I was just denying it but you aren't just a friend to me anymore. Despite all of this chaos around me, there was something that became crystal clear to me. No matter what might happens next I want you to be at my side. Not only as a friend but as the person who I love with all my heart." You lay it all right in front of Simeon. Finally admitting your feelings not only to yourself but most importantly to Simeon.

He seems slightly surprised by your confession. "Do you mean romantically?" Simeon wants to prevent any further confusion.

"Yes." You state clearly without a second of hesitation.

Simeon takes your hand and he has a smile that you have never seen before. He is so radiant right now. "I'm so glad that you feel the same way about me."

It's almost like a dam has been broken. Emotions seem to be flowing from Simeon.

You can see a slight blush on his cheeks.

Your cheeks blush in turn.

He leans his forward towards yours and looks deep into your eyes.

He has never been this close to you. Your heart starts to race.

Never before in your life did you want to kiss someone this badly.

Your nose’s touch. Simeon looks at you with such love. You can only hope that the same love is reflected in your eyes.

After a moment that feels like an eternity your lips meet only for a short moment.

Then again a bit longer this time.

Both of you seem to want more of that sweet sensation.

The next kiss feels more passionate.

It's all so new but yet strangely familiar.

You are so glad that you finally told Simeon your feelings.

With a gentle and happy smile, Simeon looks at you. "I'm so glad you came into my life."

These words mean so much to you, you feel tears in your eyes.

"It's alright. I'm here." Simeon whispers.

And then suddenly tears start to fall. You don't even know why you are crying, or who you are crying for.

It's not even a feeling of sadness.

It feels freeing, like all the weight that has been building up inside of you is flowing from your body.

You cling to Simeon and just sob, like a child.

He gently holds you close and just supports you without a word.

"I love you, Simeon." You weakly tell him between sobbing.

You probably look very ugly right now but Simeon however looks at you with his gentle gaze. "I love you too."

--------------------

This was all very bittersweet.

Some parts really hurt while writing them.

Other parts made me smile.

I hope you enjoyed the story and its ending.

As a final note, I really like the fact that Mc got many people supporting them and Simeon.

A huge note to all of you Simeon and Angel Mc shippers, it's all thanks to you.

#obey me #obey me fanfic #angel in hell #obey me angel au #obey me simeon #omswd

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undertalethingems · 5 years

Text

Bark at the Moon Chapter 13: Undaunted

Or read on my Ao3>

Rating, Setting: Gen, Pre-canon

Chapter Warnings: None

Chapter Summary: Undyne's the heroine who never gives up--she's not about to lose that title now.

The search parties had mostly given up after only a few weeks, but Undyne wouldn't. She couldn't, not after the months of trouble her friends had been put through. She didn't care if she lost her place as captain, she didn't care what it meant for her career--two monsters under her watch had been treated horribly after suffering long enough already, and she couldn't rest until she knew for sure what had befallen them. Asgore had been understanding when she'd explained the situation, but others might talk... Well, she'd let 'em. If they had a problem with how she spent her time, they could take it up with her--so far, no one had.

Dressed in a heavy coat to ward off the cold, most of Undyne's days the last month had been spent scouring the wilderness. She worked the forest systematically, keeping track of how much ground she'd covered and which direction hadn't been explored. She drew on everything she knew, every instinct and shred of knowledge and ounce of determination, and kept going. They had to be out here somewhere.

She crested a low hill, and hooted triumphantly--there! Clear as a pond in Waterfall, a trackway. They were old, but fresher than any of the ones around town--and she didn't know of anyone or anything else that would leave such tracks. Four digits in front, three in back, thin and always tipped by claws--the only thing that came close were the various icedrakes, but they were bipeds. As long as she followed these, she'd find something--she was sure of it. She powered forward, legs carrying her faster and faster until she was almost running--

Something impacted her. She pitched forward with a grunt, landing roughly in loose brush, only to be hauled up by her backpack and shaken. She dropped roughly to the ground, and yelped as her arm was pinned and her assailant tried to pull the backpack off again. She rolled and kicked out to knock her attacker's leg from under them, and glimpsed that not only was said leg made of bone, it was broken.

Her strike connected. The creature shrieked and darted off, pausing briefly a few yards away to stare at her hollowly with orange eyes. Then it dashed off again, and Undyne scrambled to pursue. She'd found something alright, and it made her soul twist painfully.

"Papyrus! Wait! I wanna help!"

She chased after him, weaving through the brush and trees breathlessly; even with an injured arm he was easily outpacing her and it wasn't long before she'd lost sight of him. She continued following his tracks--but the new trail petered out by going off a cliff. She skidded to a halt, panting; Undyne knew Papyrus had incredible jumping abilities so he hadn't just fallen however far down that was. She'd lost him. She grit her teeth, then punched the nearest tree in frustration. Chunks of snow rained from its branches, smattering around her with little splats--the only sound aside from her ragged breathing. She'd been so close...! If she'd gotten in range she could have used a green attack, and then... well. It didn't matter now--he'd gotten away. But her frown softened as a thought occurred to her. At least she knew he was alive.

But...

He'd attacked her, and though they'd stared at one another, he hadn't seemed to recognize her at all. She'd seen only the wary gaze of an animal in those orange lights. He'd slipped... and it seemed worse this time. Back when he'd pounced on her in the hidden cave, he at least knew she was a friend and was playing with her. She rotated her arm, feeling out the lingering soreness from the scuffle--this time, he'd held back, but not much. She had to find him again, and break him out of this like she said she would. She made a face--hopefully it wouldn't involve any actual breaking.

She had to find him again, and Sans, but it was getting late and she wasn't prepared for a night in the forest. She glanced back up, looking out over the valley black with thick, hardy evergreens and cut by a rushing river. They were out there, somewhere...

She stomped her foot with a grunt, and shouted as loud as she could. "Papyrus! I'm coming back tomorrow! Don't be late, y'hear me?! And bring your lazy excuse for a brother too, got it?!"

She glared, listening to her words echo and hoping, somehow, she'd hear a reply. But it was getting too cold. She turned and retraced her steps until she finally came back to the road. After everything that had happened, the rest of the journey to get home felt so long... maybe she'd just stay at the Snowed Inn again. It was always clean and cozy, and they had the best cinnamon buns. Yeah. That sounded relaxing. She could use the peace and quiet to come up with a gameplan that wasn't just 'wander in the woods until she found her friend'. She needed to do better than that. Papyrus--whether he knew it or not anymore--was counting on her.

But she'd done everything she could today--after a full day in it, the cold was really biting at her scales. She grit her teeth and pulled her coat tighter against the icy breeze. Just a bit farther...! She sighed with relief when the warm lights of town finally poked through the trees. She'd take Snowdin's cold over Hotland any day, but the thought of taking a hot shower before snuggling under cozy blankets sounded like the nicest thing right now.

Once she'd gotten settled into her room for the night, she called Alphys.

"O-oh, hello, C-Captain Undyne," she stammered on the other end of the line, and Undyne felt her heart do little flips.

"Hey Doctor Alphys! Um, I was wondering... if... er, if you could help me with something," she started--more awkwardly than she wanted it to sound, ugh. "I've uh--I've got a case I'm working on and--well--I was hoping you--um--"

"I-I'd love to!" Alphys said quickly, and there was the sound of ruffling papers. "It's th-the case of the b-beast, right? Only, it wasn't a beast it was the skeleton brothers--I had no idea transforming monsters were real, it's just like this show I've been watching where it turns out the main character's best friends are really--WHOOPS spoilers ha ha ha... Um... Is it... that case?"

Undyne coughed. "Yeah. I'm... trying to find them. I saw Papyrus today."

"O-oh! Th-that's good! ... Right?"

Undyne sighed. "Yeah, but... it was like he didn't recognize me at all."

"O-oh..."

"Yeah. I've seen him do this, where he acts... different. More like a wild animal, I guess... He kinda reminds me of the dogs, but then when he stretches it's more like a cat, and then if he's watching something it's kinda like a bird--anyway, the point is, he stops acting like Papyrus. I mean, you can still tell it's him in there, but... I've been able to snap him out of it before, but this time... I dunno. He seems like... like he's really in deep."

"Hmm..." Alphys was quiet as she thought; it took a while, but Undyne didn't mind--she was enjoying just having her on the phone.

"W-well," she finally started, and it sounded like she adjusted her glasses. "Based on what little information you gave me, I can only guess so much, b-but... um, I only have like one episode of this show, b-but, one of the characters loses his memories, and seems like a totally different person until his friends spend enough time talking about things they all did together. I don't know if that would really work--i-it's kind of silly, saying it out l-loud now, um, nevermind--"'

"No! No, I think that might be exactly it," Undyne said quickly; of course it was something obvious like that! Man, Alphys really had a problem with confidence sometimes--she had the best ideas. "I was just gonna go out and like, tackle him, but now I think I should do that... AND tell him about all the other times I have too!"

Alphys managed a weak laugh. "Th-that... seems like it's worth a shot. T-tell me if it works, okay?"

"Of course! Thank you so much--um, I might ask you for more help again soon, okay? Actually... Back when he was... still in town, Papyrus seemed really bothered by the fact he was stuck in his beast form. You think you could, I dunno, rig up some science thing to scan his magic and see if something's going on with it?"

"I-I could certainly try," Alphys replied, and Undyne heard a sound like she was tapping her chin. "I wish I could have looked into it before they transformed so I'd have a baseline to compare it to, b-but, I guess I'll have to use regular monsters as a control... I-if their bodies can change so drastically, I can only imagine what their souls are doing, and that could explain why their mental states change as well... I'll have to see what the literature says about endomagical structure and regulation... O-oh, sorry, I'm rambling--you're probably busy, that was probably really boring--"

Undyne scoffed. "I mean, I can't exactly weigh in, but I love when you talk science stuff. Now, when you get into jargon, then I'm really lost."

She loved when she talked any stuff, but science was a topic Alphys could happily discuss at length. Even if she didn't understand, Undyne could listen to her for hours. She just liked seeing Alphys happy.

"Y-yeah, ha ha... I don't know enough about this to get into any jargon yet, b-but trust me, there's gonna be jargon eventually."

"There always is," Undyne teased, then turned serious. "Well hey, listen--I'm really glad you want to help. These guys have been trying to deal with it on their own this whole time, and... needless to say it hasn't worked out. I'll do everything I can, but... I think we need someone who can really look into this once I get them back."

"Yeah... I-I... I'll do my best," Alphys replied quietly. "Let me know when... when you find them."

"Oh yeah, for sure. So, uh... cool. Uh. Talk to you later....?"

"Yeah! O-oh, um, okay, bye!"

She hung up, and rolled onto her back. Alphys was so smart--such an obvious solution to helping the brothers remember themselves hadn't even crossed Undyne's mind. She'd give it a shot for sure. And then, once they were back, Alphys could use science to help them figure out what was up with them being stuck... It was nice to feel like maybe things might work out. Undyne had tried not to be hard on herself, but she felt like she'd let the brothers down.

Maybe she should have let Papyrus help with the investigation after all, before things had gotten so out of hand that the townsfolk were ready to attack on sight. But it was too late--she had to face this head-on and not get bogged down with regrets. She'd take Alphys' advice and try getting through to her friends tomorrow.

#undertalethingem writes #bark at the moon fic #Undyne (undertale)#papyrus (undertale)#alphys (undertale)#gaster blaster au #Undyne is a good friend ;u;#i'm glad i could finally bring alphys in; this won't be the last time she shows up! ^^

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sn0tcl0wn · 4 years

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"all you have to do is hold on until you're a legal adult" lmao dude im almost 25 and im still stuck with my parents. stop acting like everyone can just leave at 18 and that isn't a form of privilege. like what about those of us with no friends and no one outside of our families? we get left to the wayside by the ones who assume we can just leave whenever we want because no one ever bothers to help us. we're the ones that get lumped in with the immature parasites who want to stay home because we have no skills or abilities we can utilize and get out. please stop telling kids they can just leave at 18 as a blanket statement. many actually can't. most kids in abusive homes cannot just leave, specifically survivors of religious abuse. there is an entire population of people who got pulled out of school (if they ever went to begin with) and had their heads filled with lies, were indoctrinated, and raised to fit in specific boxes (in my case; traditional housewife) thus making it very difficult for us to do anything with ourselves when we do inevitably leave. we always end up back with our families and in the same or similar toxic situations even if it's not the cult like ones. and of course i say religious but literally any form of childhood abuse that results in complete isolation will make it much harder to leave than just heading off to college or moving out at 18.

do not hold on to the idea that you can just leave at 18. if you end up where im at you'll be drowning in self loathing and regrets because you couldn't do it. instead just stick to more vague affirmations like "i'll be out some day", "nothing is permanent", "a long time isn't forever", etc. giving yourself set dates and times to get out of a situation and putting numbers to shit does nothing but put unnecessary pressure on you. i ended up having all my hard work pushed back because the people i tried to escape sabotaged my entire life and left me for dead causing me to first go to my dad who just genuinely had no idea what to do with me and now my mother who's toxic as all hell and has no idea how badly i was abused causing her to respond to my symptoms and stuntedness with hostility or bitter annoyance. rushing to get out at 18 made me the family disappointment because i wasn't ready and my abusers still had too much control. but i was always told 18 was that golden age when you can just Leave. it isn't. especially not for anyone in the younger millennial/gen z range because the economy is trash. stop letting people in their late 30s and older tell you you can just leave at 18. they're from a different world and honestly? everyone who gets away from abuse and toxicity at 18/19 probably weren't isolated and had somewhere or someone to lean on to some degree.

if you're someone who has no one and you're in the 16 age range, do not bet on just two more years. hope and work for it but do not look at people who can do it and automatically think you're gonna be ready if you haven't even been allowed to go to school. the isolation is enough to make you unready for most situations and many times people like us go back because we need to. do not put yourself in a position where you need to go back. work so that you never need to go back at all ever again but be patient because 18 is in no way ready if you're an isolated person like me. and there are a lot more of us who slip thru the cracks every day than anyone knows or wants to admit.

stop making these blanket statements about just leaving at 18 if you weren't 13 or under in 2008 and especially in a discussion about toxic and abusive families because most of us can't afford it to begin with and many people in emotionally abusive situations are victims of some form of brainwashing or extreme, forced isolation that results in mental problems, stunted development and social skills, and will often have to go back by age 20 because they left too soon thanks to that advice.

and if you want a better solution then how about we as a fuckin society start cracking down on these families and stop putting the responsibility to not be hurt anymore on literal kids who just recently have legal rights as adults, eh? how about we don't just fuckin ignore it when a kid gets pulled outta school and falls off the face of the planet like so many oft do? take people in without making them feel like burdens. just don't let kids fuckin slip through the cracks man. my life never needed to be this way but no one gave a shit about me outside of my fucked up family until college where people still would not help me get out of that house officially and for good. no one would help me with anything period because i should have known that. it's the apathy and willful ignorance of others that truly causes us to be harmed to such extreme degrees. stop telling kids they can get out at 18 unless you personally intend on bringing them in if and when shit hits the fan or are willing to sit and explain basic adulting shit to someone in their 20s without being annoyed. if you can't or won't do those things then you can't go around telling 16 year olds they only have two more years because you're creating another generation of disenchanted and virtually homeless twenty-somethings. especially now. this isolation shit is gonna last like a year or two if the influenza comparisons are right. these kids wont be able to move out at 18 unless they're taken care of. period. use your fucking head and think about current reality instead of looking back 18 years and saying "well it worked for me". like honestly fuck you.

and to those who are stuck like me, i love you and we will be okay. this sucks so fucking much but we're still alive so we can make it to where we all wanna be in the end. it's never too late to do anything for yourself and it's never shameful to take your time or go back to your abusers when you have nowhere else to go. they made it like that on purpose and no matter how it feels it's not your fault. if you're like me and went back to less bad but still toxic family, you didn't make a mistake, you just tried taking a responsible route when being faced with homelessness and got screwed. this is not your fault and you will overcome and get out just like you got out of the last one. it's so easy to hate oneself like this especially seeing people so flippantly act like 18 is the golden age of stability and maturity where we can leave home and live as an adult. this isn't the 1950s, we don't live in that world anymore. if you're alive right now and you still have the urge to leave, then you're doing just fine and it won't ever be too late for you until you die or, worse, choose complacence. just work towards a better future and don't beat yourself up when that future isn't tomorrow or go putting time limits on milestones and escape plans. it helps no one but those who want to use it as ammo when you come back in need. and many of us often do. ain't no shame in it but the shame society and its constructs put on us. you're still a kid and you're gonna be okay even if you're not ready yet. it'll happen, trust me.

i just really felt the need to get this off my chest because i never want anyone else to cry every birthday past their 18th because they "should be on (their) own by now" and i am so sick of everyone putting that age on this weird pedestal. i also don't want anyone who was in a cult like situation to feel ashamed or helpless when that happens or when they have no choice but to go back. but mostly i want people to be more fucking mindful of what they say regarding things like moving out at 18, especially if they're over 30. we need to undo the harm the "leave at 18" mindset has done as well as make an active effort to actually stop or at least help people get away from abuse and make sure no one ends up like me. i have no reason to hate myself and yet, because everyone loves shoving it in my face how supposedly easy it is, i do. let's not do this to gen z kids, guys. like please do not do this to them. i want everyone right the fuck now to realize that they're all isolated very much like i was and the ones in bad situations will come out a lot like me.

#im actually close to getting my own life and it took me like 7 years because of the way these things affect shit #like its possible and its never too late #but we need to work on this shit #im not trying to scare you kids #im trying to scare the adults #we'll be fine if the world around us stops being dicks abt it #long post #rant

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arcturusblackiii · 5 years

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Title: If you take on weight of the world you will inevitably end on your knees (but if you share it you can still stand)

Fandom: Harry Potter Wordcount: 4012 Category: Gen Warnings: Suicide, implied/referenced self-harm, referenced child abuse Rating: Teen Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black Characters: Regulus Black, Sirius Black Summary:

Regulus's insomnia's been acting up. Between the pressure of the house and being heir and the crushing feeling of abandonment from Sirius leaving him he's starting to crack under the weight. After a particularly bad day, he learns of some 7th years sneaking some firewhiskey from hogsmead in and he buys some off them for far more than its worth, and gets drunk.

He decides to approach Sirius. He isn't exactly sure why he does it. To start a fight, to see Sirius's face, to yell at Sirius, to yell at James, he doesn't know. But he does. Everything is loud any everyone is so so angry and something already cracking at the edges shatters and he has his wand to his head and he's sobbing and he knows without a doubt that he wants to die.

But his wand is torn from his hand by a frantic Expellimarius, and Sirius crushes him into a hug.

Tags:

Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Suicide Attempt, Discussion of suicide, alot of that in general, Child Abuse, Underage Drinking, Cuddling & Snuggling

For @youurelovely

Regulus hadn't slept more than 15 hours combined in a week. He was lightheaded and he could taste sound and colors were loud.

Everything was very fast and very slow simultaneously.

He doubted he had ever been this sleep deprived in his life.

Close, but not this bad.

…

He missed Sirius.

He missed being able to make eye contact with him across the hall and he missed his smile and he missed their stupid rituals and jokes and he even missed Sirius's annoying habit of messing up his hair and he missed his brother.

He hated Remus and Peter.

He loathed James.

He loathed James for taking his brother away. For stealing the one stable thing in his life and leaving him behind to suffer.

(Not that Sirius was very stable, and not that everything else was predictable, but Sirius had always been there)

He loathed James for ruining his life and taking his brother.

For changing Sirius then stealing him.

He hated James for becoming Sirius's new brother.

He hated Sirius for leaving.

He hated Sirius for abandoning him to their parents.

He hated Sirius for yelling at him when he begged him to stay.

He hated Sirius.

He loved Sirius because Sirius was the only person who ever loved him enough to care about him over appearance to the public.

(The only person he's allowed to think about ever loving him that much. Andromeda made her choice and abandoned them all.)

He loved Sirius because of the halfhearted smiles in the morning when they knew Walburga was angry. The mutual understanding of ‘yeah, we’re probably not going to get through today unscathed.’

He loved Sirius for when he hugged him and promised everything would be okay. Just a few more years and they would be free.

Just a few more years and they could leave.

He loved Sirius for the stability he provided, for the smiles in their dysfunctional home, because no matter how terrible things got, no matter how bleak everything seems, he was always there.

Because he was permanent.

Because they knew that they were in this together.

Because they knew that no matter what happened, they were still brothers.

He loved Sirius for caring.

He loved Sirius.

He loved his Sirius.

Not James’ Sirius.

Who glared at him across the hall and abandoned him.

He hated that Sirius for proving to him he didn't care.

That even after everything they had been through, all the promises of staying together, all the smiles and hugs, that even after all of that, he was still as easy to discard as an old robe.

He hated him for leaving his old family, his old brother, his old best friend, for them.

For James, Remus, and Peter.

Leaving him behind in a life discarded alone.

Leaving him alone with the weight of the world and the House on his shoulders and shattering the only semblance of stability he had left.

Sending him careening off the edge into an endless sea of Walburga's anger and Orion’s indifference and the expectations of a thousand generations.

Abandoning him.

(Just like Andromeda. Just like everyone else who ever cared about him.)

Regulus had gotten drunk.

It had been a bad day.

It had been a really really bad day.

He had had an anxiety attack over an assignment the night before and hadn't been able to sleep (as usual. When could he ever sleep? What nights didn't he lay there overthinking assignments and his duties to his family, what nights could he fall asleep without fearing the morning, what nights could he ever sleep easy?)

He didn't know what he was doing anymore.

He was being pulled in a million directions by a million waves and he had lost his anchor in the storm.

When some 7th years smuggled in some firewhiskey, he didn't even really hesitate when he bought some off them.

He didn't care as he paid far more money than it was worth.

He just craved the possibility of relief from the endless thoughts swirling through his brain.

(Sirius would sneak off to muggle bars when everything was too much, he tried not to think about it.)

He drank too much.

By the time a little less than a third of the bottle was empty he just wanted everything to end.

He didn't care.

He just wanted this to end.

He just wanted to feel something other than existential terror and angry loneliness and the loathing of everything he had become.

He just wanted things to go back to how they were and he just wanted a brother again.

He sought out Sirius.

He doesn't know how he found him or even what part of the castle he was in, he just remembered finding him.

Maybe he asked someone, maybe he didn't.

Maybe he somehow found him through magic. Regulus doesn't know and he doesn't really care.

He doesn't remember much of what he said.

Bits and pieces of him screaming at James and Remus and Peter for taking Sirius and Sirius screaming right back about how he left of his own free will and how he tried to stop him.

He doesn't remember what he was saying or what was said. Everything blurred into screaming anger.

Just anger.

Because everything in his life can be traced back to anger.

He was born into a raging fire, and he was so, so tired of the burn.

Regulus remembers the moment he realized this was a bad idea.

Remembers hearing Sirius's voice mixed with the others voices and the screaming mixing into a cacophonous blur of sound and despair.

He remembers the feeling of hopeless sadness and he remembers feeling the tears burning behind his eyes long before he stopped screaming and he remembers when the mental scale tipped and he remembers sobbing.

He vaguely remembers Remus (or was it James or Peter?) trying to deescalate the situation and he remembers feeling tears burn into his eyes as he remembers that Sirius hates him and no matter what he does nothing will change that.

This certainly won't.

And everything goes fuzzy for awhile and he knows he was crying and that Remus was talking to him trying to calm him down and Sirius sounding so angry so bitter.

He remembers feeling like there were shards of shattered glass in his chest because he always spoke about mother in that tone.

He felt like shattered glass. Like broken bottles. Like spilt blood.

He doesn't remember what he said but he does recall Sirius's expression of fear as he said it.

("Who would care if I died anyway- I'm just the worthless spare. The worthless bloody spare—")

Sirius talking, urgent, worried.

(("God damn Regulus— bloody hell what did you do? What did they do to you?"

"Why do you care asshole? You fucking left me! You left me and so who gives a fuck what I did who gives a fuck what they did. It doesn't matter nothing bloody matters—"))

((("Did he do that to himself??" James's eyes were glued to the rows of scabby cuts up Regulus's arm that Sirius had uncovered like he somehow knew they were there. "What the fuck why would he do that? What the fuck!")))

And everything goes blank and he knows later he's blackout drunk and he doesn't care.

He's sobbing and Sirius is standing there talking and trying to calm him down and Regulus can't remember what he's saying but he knows he was angry and that he without a doubt wants to die.

So he's pointing his wand at his head and he knows he's sobbing and Sirius looked terrified and Regulus wanted that.

He wanted that fear.

He wanted Sirius to feel the mindless terror he's felt for months.

And he wanted to die.

He would have cast an exploding jinx but his wand flew out of his hand and across the hall.

And Sirius was hugging him and Regulus wanted to scream because why can't he just die but he was sobbing into Sirius's arms and he was so tired and his head was spinning and Sirius was just mumbling that it was okay he was okay and Regulus clung to him.

He was sobbing and eventually he was just sitting there, trembling and Sirius was still talking an endless stream of words and Regulus could hear his heartbeat and Sirius started to say something and he woke up in the medical wing.

Sirius was in the chair next to him.

Sirius stared at him with an unreadable expression.

Regulus closed his eyes and rolled to face the other direction.

"You’re awake."

"No shit." Regulus mumbled into the pillow. "How observant of you. Why are you here?"

"What do you remember of last night?" Sirius asked with an infuriatingly gentle voice.

"I don't know." Regulus snapped. "Go away. Call mother and father they can scream at me for being an idiot and kill me themselves. They probably already know right? The moment they get here your going to LEAVE ME AGAIN."

If Regulus had been facing Sirius he would have seen him flinch. "Reggie.."

"You left me. You left me with them. Alone."

"I know."

Regulus choked back a bought of hysterical laughter. "You don't have to be here. Just leave. Go be with your new brother and family and leave me behind."

"Regulus.."

"I know you don't want to be here. You're only here because you feel fucking guilt or pity or whatever. I don't need it. Go back to- to James and the others. I don't need you."

"Your arms are covered in cuts and you threatened to blow off your head last night, so clearly you do."

"So what? So fucking what."

"So I care about you, you git."

Regulus couldn't help but flinch. To curl into his arms a bit. "Yeah? You didn't seem like it when you yelled at me before you left."

"I was angry!" Sirius snapped. "And that was months ago-"

"AND YOU LEFT ME WITH THEM." Regulus screamed and he just. Started sobbing. Uncontrollably.

"Fuck. Fuck. God damn it!" Sirius sounded genuinely scared. "Reggie I didn't mean.. God fuck I'm sorry I'm so bloody sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I- fuck fuck." Sirius reached out a hand and Regulus flinched hard when Sirius touched him. Sirius retracted his hand hastily.

He didn't know what to do.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked desperately. "Or- do you want a hug?" Sirius sounded panicked. "I- god I'm so sorry Regulus."

Madam Pomfrey made him leave about a minute later - he wasn't supposed to be there in the first place.

Sirius and James and Remus and Peter sat in their dorm and Sirius pretended he wasn't crying.

Until he couldn't pretend, and he broke down sobbing into James's arms.

Sirius cried about how bad Orion and Walburga really are and he cried about Regulus being suicidal and how it's his fault (James assured his that it is not.) and then he was just laying on his bed with James laying next to him.

Uneasy conversation struck up about a new topic, and Sirius tried to stay distracted.

Eventually Sirius was fetched by a very worried looking McGonagall.

Regulus had apparently been asking for him.

Sirius very slowly walked into the curtained booth - Madam Pomfrey had lectured him on boundaries and just generally "You can't act like you usually do right now, don't yell at him, don't be a prick, he doesn't need the added stress, etc"

Regulus laid on the bed with a glassy expression.

The moment he saw Sirius he sat up. "..hey." he started. Voice little more than a whisper.

"Hey."

Sirius pulled a chair over and sat down. "So - Poppy talked to me about boundaries and shit or something- what can I and can't I do right now?"

Regulus stared at him with an almost perplexed expression. "..Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"The- what you're doing. It's fake."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Regulus groaned. "Okay fine continue the bullshit."

"What do you need Reggie? I-" the forced calm on his face cracked for a moment. "I don't want-"

"You don't want to upset me like this morning." Regulus finished with a dull expression on his face. "You won't. I'm rather okay at the moment."

"..yeah."

Regulus closed his eyes a moment. "I hate you but I love you and- and everything is really confusing right now. Especially regarding you."

Sirius just looked at him, he looked confused.

"We're supposed to talk. About- our relationship and such." Regulus sounded so formal. The voice he was supposed to use.

"Oh."

"Yeah- and- I don't know. I missed you. You probably didn't miss me-" and then he wasn't formal and the terrified 14 year old shone through.

"I did."

"..oh."

"Fuck Regulus just ask James. The first night I freaked out because the last words I might ever say to you were I hate you."

Regulus hunched over himself a bit. "Oh."

"So yeah I missed you."

"Okay." Regulus murmered. "Can- can you hold my hand? I- touch isn't really great right now but I- want to hold your hand."

Sirius locked their fingers.

Regulus almost leaned into his hand.

His arms had bandages running up them, hidden under his long sleeves.

"I- I really don't want to face mother?” It was almost a question with how he said it. Like he didn't know if he was sure or not. “Thank you by the way. For making them wait on contacting mother and father."

"It's nothing. And you're never going to have to see them again."

"...I have to."

"Nope. They are terrible people - don't argue you know it family loyalty be damned - and if anything McGonagall won't let you near them again. You won't have to face them."

"I'm Heir, Sirius. Grandfather won't allow both of us to escape."

"Then we'll fuck off to America until you turn 17 and then they can't touch you."

"Oh."

Sirius smiled in a way he hadn't smiled at him in so long. Before the fighting over the summer and him running away and the tensions rising in the house exponentially.

Reminiscent of those dreadful mornings when Walburga was ticking down to explosion and they both knew they would be caught in the blast. When he knew things weren't good. When they were in fact rather bad.

But they were in it together after all.

"I love you okay? Just going to make that clear. I love you unconditionally."

"Okay." Regulus's voice was a bit strangled. "I- I do love you back. I just- it hurts a lot that you left."

Sirius squeezed his hand.

"I hate you for leaving." Regulus said quietly. "I don't really want to hate you but I do."

Sirius nodded solemnly. "It's okay."

"It's like- it's like a war in my head I can't just- I can't just forgive you okay? So don't expect me too. I don’t - just don’t want to be angry anymore."

"Then don't be."

"The only other option is sad and that's worse."

Sirius squeezed his hand.

"I'm.. I don't remember almost anything from last night-"

"You were blackout drunk, Reggie."

"I know. Madam Pomfrey told me. She would have yelled if.. If well. If she figured it wasn't a danger to yell at the kid who might slit his wrists."

"Regulus.."

"I mean- it's true. But it's not like I didn't already get yelled at a lot."

"Sorry- I. Sorry."

Regulus laughed shakily. "I deserved it. Storming over and screaming. You should have hexed me. I deserve it."

"Regulus."

"I- I don't remember much other than the screaming really. You should have hexed me."

"Are you saying that out of remorse or because you want to get hurt or some bullshit?"

Regulus exhaled a tad harshly but otherwise didn't respond.

The silence was telling.

"I thought so." Sirius said quietly. "You don't deserve to be hurt Reggie."

"I don't— Just.. Just tell me what happened last night?"

"Okay. What do you remember?"

"I.. I went to find you. I don't remember how but when I did I was yelling at you I think. There was a lot of screaming - what I said and what you said is rather blurry but the point stands. I was very angry. Then.. I just. I remembered that you hate me-"

"I don't"

"-and nothing I can do can fix that. Then I had my wand to my head. I was gonna cast an explosion hex but someone used Expellimarius."

"Remus did."

"And my wand was gone and then- this is really dumb."

"And then?"

"You were hugging me and- mm. You were hugging me."

"Mm?"

"Don't make me say it please."

"Regulus Arcturus Black."

"Look okay this is really juvenile."

"Ooh fancy words."

"I remember I heard your heartbeat and it was calming and I just focused on that and your voice and mmm."

"Reggie,,,"

"I said it was dumb."

"That's adorable."

"Shut up."

"How did I forget how adorable you are?"

"Shut up. I just- shut up."

"Okay Okay fine. Also, I think angry is an understatement Reg. You were threatening to murder James for- For what was it? Stealing me? For stealing me and ruining your life. Something like that. I started shouting back and James too."

"...I remember that kinda."

"You wern't making much sense after the initial accusations. You were shouting and accusing us of things and you send some sort of jinx at Peter? At least I think you were aiming at him. You missed by like, 6 feet. I jeered and Remus pointed out you were drunk.

You flipped out when he said that.

And more spells flew and you switched from anger to sadness real quick. It was like a switch went off in your head and you just started rambling about how worthless everything is and how you should just kill yourself.

Remus started trying to calm you down. I think I was in shock at this point.

At one point you started scratching your arm and well.. I stopped you and then realized that well. I'm sure you remember what your arms look like right now."

"..yeah."

"I started asking you why you did this - I was scared you see. Then you mentioned Walbitcha and Assion and shit and you just sorta spiraled"

"Ah."

"Then you.. Had your want at your head and Remus cast Expellimarius and you just kind of fell apart sobbing and I just pulled you into a hug and you just cried yourself out. I walked you to the medical wing and explained the whole thing."

“Did anyone see?” Regulus’s question had an urgency too it.

“See what?”

“You walking with me.”

“I don't know? Maybe? Why- oh. Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“We can deal with that later, it's- if word got back to them there isn't much we can do anyway. For now, let's just ignore it.”

“But-”

“Any letters from here sent wouldn't have arrived yet regardless, it's a problem for later. And the tabloids can suck it.”

“..Okay.”

“It isn't that important anyway.”

"..okay."

"What's important is that you’re alive."

“I guess.”

"Can we just - talk about your arms a moment? What the fuck Regulus? I haven't seen your arms that fucking bad since, I don't know, maybe when Andromeda left?"

"Don't mention the traitor."

"Yeah well you cried about her last night so call it even.

"I what?"

"Cried about Andromeda. You were a fucking mess."

"...I cut because of just.. I was overwhelmed. That's...that sums up everything the best. I felt like I needed to."

"You don't need to"

"I know."

"I just- fuck Reggie come talk to me next time okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you. Okay?

Regulus kinda teared up a bit.

"Sirius? Um. mm. Can you? Um. Mmph. Nevermind it doesn't matter."

"There we go with the mm again." Sirius smiled weakly. "What's it this time?"

"It's embarrassing."

"Regulus, I can guarantee that I can name at the very least 20 things more embarrassing than what you are about to tell me."

“But-”

“Remember that time at Uncle Pollux and Aunt Druella’s on, who’s birthday was it? Andromeda’s? and you had got your wand, and you-”

“Stop. shut up. No. I made you promise to never bring that up.”

“Mmhm. What is it that you are refusing to say?”

"....can.. Can you just hug me? Like when were kids?"

"Thats not even slightly mortifying, doofus. Of course." Sirius clambered into the bed next to him.

Regulus tried and failed not to flinch.

Sirius immediately went to pull away but Regulus grabbed his wrist. "Please stay."

"Okay." Sirius carefully wrapped an arm around him. "Is this alright?"

"...this is so embarrassing." Regulus laughed a bit hysterically. "I- can? Um. Can you actually hug me? Don't uh. I want you too."

Sirius looked terrified. Like he might break Regulus.

But he moved closer and pulled him into a hug.

Regulus would be lying if he denied the fact he almost snuggled into Sirius's arms.

So he was leaning with his head in the crook of Sirius's neck.

It was nice.

It felt almost surreal.

He hadn't been hugged like this in years. (Since the time he had a breakdown at almost 3am and spent the night in Sirius’s room.)

"I assume you," Sirius laughed to himself. "Want to listen to my heartbeat?"

"Shut up.”

Sirius smiled into Regulus’s hair.

“...can I?”

“Pfft. Yeah.”

“Shut up.”

"Love you too." Sirius mumbled.

The statement sent far more emotions than he was prepared for spiraling through his heart.

Regulus tried to ignore them as he shifted so his head was above Sirus's heart.

Regulus listened to his brothers heartbeat and felt real for the first time in months.

Sirius stroked his hair and Regulus just laid there, eyes closed and breathing.

There were warm arms around him.

A promise of love.

He was safe, right now.

He was safe.

Sirius broke the silence after a long while. "You really scared me." He said slowly. "I.. Seeing you with your wand to your head it- it terrified me. I love you so much okay? I never stopped loving you. Not once."

Regulus's face tightened but he didn't speak. "I did leave you. I'm going to regret that the rest of my life."

"I just.. I miss you." Regulus murmured. "I miss you and I hate you. I hate you for abandoning me and it hurts because I don't want to hate you."

Sirius said nothing.

"I.. I tried a few times. At home. Kreacher stopped me. Tried to uh. Kill myself that is."

"Well shit me not the elf is useful."

Regulus laughed hysterically. He pressed his face into Sirius's shoulder and tried not to show the fact he had tears in his eyes. "He's always useful. He's a good elf."

"This morning," Sirius started. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you-"

"It's not your fault. I- I was angry at myself. For getting drunk and doing this."

"You shouldn't be."

"Okay."

They fell into silence again.

"They haven't contacted mother and father."

"I know."

"You have options, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“On places to stay. You could obviously stay at the Potters with me if you want. Or if you don't want to I'm sure Uncle Alphard will take you, if you, you know want to stay in legitimate inside the house family. Andromeda would take you I'm sure. She has a kid now, a girl named Nymphadora. You’d love her. If not her, maybe Aunt Cedrella.”

"..Yeah"

"You’re never going to have to deal with the parents again."

Regulus squeezed Sirius. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure. How about I tell you about all the drama that happened in potions last week?"

"Okay." Regulus's voice was quiet. "Thank you."

Regulus listened to Sirius drone on about whatever and listened to his heartbeat.

If he tried hard enough he could pretend that none of this happened.

Regulus eventually started crying.

It wasn't sudden. He has been fighting back tears for some while and Sirius eventually sighed. "Reg, I've seen you cry before. A prime example being last night. It's okay."

And Regulus just started crying.

Weeping into Sirius's chest.

"It's gonna be okay Reggie. I promise."

#Sirius Black #Regulus Black #hp fanfic #fanfic #Brothers Black #my fic #my writing #suicide tw #self harm tw #text

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bisexualfelicity · 5 years

Text

No Other Version of Me - Chapter Two

Amalia Queen was once said to be so important that the universe made sure she happened. Yes, it was her mom who said that but it still counts. Now, she's an adult and struggles to be worthy of such sentence. She doesn't want to be a vigilante and make so many sacrifices like the rest of her family, but it doesn't mean she doesn't want to save the world.

Sequel to "Five Lives"

Next Gen, not canon compliant.

Previous chapters on AO3

“I think you got the wrong place, the bunker is on the other side of town,” Amalia hates how bitter she sounds, but can’t help it.

Naila doesn’t seem affected by it though. Amalia expects her to look hurt over it, maybe try to say there was no need for that, but the other girl seems completely indifferent to Amalia’s tone, inspecting her room and settling on top of her bed.

“I need your help,” she repeats, as if Amalia hadn’t heard the first time. “Samyia is in danger.”

“What have I got to do with that?”

“I need help rescuing her,” she says.

“I’m not a part of the team. Have never been. Did you forget that?” Amalia asks, hurt giving place to confusion. “Besides, we already know that. Team Arrow has been talking to Sara, everything is already handled.”

Continue reading under the cut or on AO3

“I didn’t come to ask for the team’s help. I’ve come to ask for yours. I know our parents are working together and they have a plan. This is not about that.”

“What is it about then?”

“They are not accepting my help. They think it’s too dangerous, considering…” she doesn’t end her sentence and Amalia does not ask what she means, she’s more curious about how she fits in all of this. “But I know going there is the best chance to get Samyia out safely.”

“That sounds like a discussion you should be having with the rest of the team, Naila. If you don’t mind, it’s late, I’ve had a long day and would like to rest now.”

“Mali, please,” the nickname only makes Amalia less inclined to listen to her, but Naila doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, “Just listen to me. I’m not asking you to do anything crazy, I just need someone to watch my back while I go save Samyia. The others won’t risk it, but I know you’ll do what is right.”

Amalia stays quiet, trying to understand what was happening. She very much wants Naila to leave her room, so she can just think about all of that. Half of what she was saying doesn’t even make sense. And besides why come to her? Amalia is not a vigilante. She’s trained, of course, she needs to know how to defend herself and it had been needed over the years, but she’s not used to being in combat and would rather be safe at home.

“I’m sure if you explain your side they are going to understand.”

“Why don’t you ever listen to what I’m saying? They won’t. Don’t you think I tried? Do you think coming here was my first option?”

While Amalia herself thought it was not logical to ask for her help, it still hurts when Naila put it like that.

“Why don’t they want you going?” Amalia asks, trying to decide if it’s even worth losing her time like that.

“It’s a long story. Maybe… Maybe I can tell you later. Will you help me if I tell you?”

“Of course not. I’m pretty sure the best way I can help you is by getting out of the way,” Amalia says, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows.

“Fine. I see you’re still mad at me. I thought you were a lot of things, Amalia, but I never thought you’d be that selfish to deny help to someone you once called your friend.”

“I called you a lot of things, but, guess what, when you end a conversation by disappearing for five years you lose any right to complain!”

“I didn’t come here to complain. And I definitely didn’t come here to have a repeat of that fight, okay? I’m here because I’m desperate! I’m here because my sister is gone and she’s going to do something very stupid and if I don’t go people are going to get hurt. I know you care, Amalia, you can’t have changed that much.”

Amalia stays quiet at that. Tears are burning in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall, she is not a teen anymore, she’s over this. It is true that she cares, she cares about Naila, she cares about whatever is happening with Samyia, she cares about anyone possibly getting hurt and she cares about whether she is being selfish or not.

She likes helping people. She built her entire life so she could help as many people as she could. Being called selfish and sounding like she didn’t really care about the outcome of all of that? That damages her core. That’s not who she wants to be. And Naila knows it very well, Amalia is not naïve enough to think Naila didn’t use these words on purpose, the girl is trying to manipulate her and knows how to do it well.

“Here’s what I can do,” she finally says and almost shivers as she sees the hope in Naila’s eyes. “I will go to you with the bunker, I’ll help you convince them to hear you…”

“No! That’s not what I said,” Naila interrupts her, the hope giving way to anger and impatience. “Sara is going to arrive at any minute. She can’t know I’m here.”

“Your mom can’t know you’re here? What the fuck did you get into?”

“Look, are you going to help me or not? I don’t have enough time for this.”

“Then go. I didn’t ask for any of that. You didn’t say anything good enough to convince me I should go with you. I don’t even know what I’m dealing with and if you’re hiding that from Sara, I’m not sure you’re even on the right side.”

“Fine. You don’t trust me anymore, I guess I deserve it. Just… Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

Before Amalia can even think about answering her, Naila gets up from the bed and heads to the window. Naila looks back at her and Amalia thinks of saying she could just leave through the door, but it sounds like the wrong thing to say – and she doesn’t really want to explain to her friends in the living room what is going on – so she says nothing. Naila doesn’t say anything else either, just stares at Amalia and goes through the window, disappearing into the night. There is no anger in her face, but there is something there and it takes Amalia too long to realize what it is.

Disappointment.

Amalia tries to forget this meeting ever happened. She puts her pajamas on, goes to the living room, joining her friends in watching TV and laughing for the rest of the night and, when it’s day again, she throws herself in work and pushes thoughts of Naila as far as she can. There might be a part of her that is a little over the edge for the next day, but if her coworkers ask what’s got her in a mood, she’ll definitely just smile and says she has no idea what they mean.

Maybe she activates notifications on many news websites and keeps checking to see if anything comes up, but if that’s the case it’s certainly because she’s a concerned citizen and why shouldn’t she care about what happens in the world? She likes being updated. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But all the lies can’t hide forever from her mind. Her fast heartbeat is a constant reminder that she’s anxious and she has reasons to be. Did Naila talk to the team? To her mom at least? Did she go alone? Have they saved Samyia? Is everyone okay? She can only assume nothing terrible has happened or else she would have heard about it by now… Right?

By Friday, her phone aches next to her. Emma is on a date and Ilana always goes to her parents’ for shabbat dinner, so she finds herself alone in her apartment after work with nothing to do but wonder. Sure, she has other friends, she has stuff she meant to do, there’s always more work waiting for her, but it’s been 48 hours and she hasn’t heard anything and she can’t stand waiting like this all weekend.

Amalia is debating which family member she should call when she gets a message from Mom asking about having lunch together the next day. She confirms it, telling herself it doesn’t mean anything. Nobody is in the hospital. Mom would have just said that otherwise.

She considers herself a practical person most of the time, but can barely recognize herself now. The practical thing would be to just call literally anyone in the family and be done with this, ask everything they know and satisfy her curiosity. Even following her instincts again and showing up on the bunker would be more practical than laying in bed for hours, thinking of the worst scenarios and then arguing in her mind about how unlikely it is that it would happen. But it’s too much; she can’t move.

The night goes on like this. Amalia has spent sleepless nights before, many during college, a few having fun, but never because she was too worried to relax. Just close your eyes and think of nothing, it isn’t that hard. Except her brain won’t shut up, no matter how she says that it’s too late now and everyone else is asleep, nothing is going to happen until the morning. But what is going to happen in the morning?

When did she become that person?

Amalia is about to have a full identity crisis by the time the sun comes up. She tries to sleep one last time, fails to do it, meditates with an app she just downloaded and eats breakfast. It’s the longest she manages to stall before heading to her parents’ house, ready to just face the truth, whatever it is.

She lets herself in without ringing the bell and finds that she can already breathe better just by being in her family’s home. The house is completely silent and Amalia assumes everyone is still asleep. Not thinking much about it, she goes to her old room, lays in her bed and closes her eyes. For a moment, she thinks she might actually sleep this time and wouldn’t that be ironic? But her insomnia doesn’t have much of a sense of humor and doesn’t give up just because she’s home.

Meredith, the cat, soon joins her in the bed, meowing at Amalia’s face, either asking for cuddles or complaining it’s been too long since she visited last week. Amalia really misses the cat and wishes she could steal Meredith and go home. Life would be much better if she had her cat with her. But Mom would be really angry if she did it and Libbi would definitely steal her back. Meredith didn’t need that kind of stress.

Amalia is telling all of this to the cat, hugging the cat against her will, when she hears a knock on the door.

“Mali? What are you doing here so early?” Dad asks as he comes into the room and sits next to her in the bed. Finding the bed too crowded, Meredith decides to leave.

“Lunch,” she says not answering it at all.

It shouldn’t surprise her that her dad is up and dressed like he had just came back from running. Dad had never been one to sleep a lot and is getting worse every year, of course she wouldn’t be able to arrive before he woke up. Dad just stares at her, waiting for her to complete.

“Couldn’t sleep, sorry,” she’s stalling to ask and kinda wished Mom was here, because she’d just try to guess what is happening instead of looking at her and respecting her time. “I need to know what happened.”

Dad seems surprised by it, like he had no idea she even suspected anything. He sighs and stays silent for a bit, but Amalia doesn’t pressure him, she knows he’s trying to find the right words and she’s not sure she wants to hear them. Her thoughts start spiraling and she only focus again once Dad touches her shoulder, steadying her.

“The League asked for our help on a mission,” he starts, Amalia just nods even though part of her wants to say she already knows that and he can just fast forward to what happened. “They had been dealing with a threat and Samyia was captured in action. Their enemies are based just outside Star City and we could help retrieve her so they could go back safely to Nanda Parbat…” Dad pauses and she knows the worst is to come. “We had everything ready to go, but then Sara found out Naila went alone without back up when she was supposed to stay behind. I’m sorry, Mali, but Naila was captured as well.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means she’s missing. We’re still going to try to get them back, but you have to know… Naila was what they were after. Samyia was being used as blackmail. There’s no way of knowing what they intend on doing to Naila now that they have her.”

She tries to breathe in and out and not freak out, she tells herself she was expecting it. Yes, Naila was taken. Of course she was taken. Because she had no back up and she had literally told Amalia that she needed someone to watch her back. They wanted Naila, this is why Sara or the Team wouldn’t let her help. They were scared this would happen.

She should have gone with her. Or, better yet, she should have told her family or Sara what Naila was doing.

“It’s going to be okay, honey, breathe with me,” Dad is saying besides her, his hands comforting in her back, breathing slowly and waiting until she did she same. “I know you care about her, Mali, but we’re going to bring her back safely. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“Don’t worry?! How am I going to do it when it’s all my fault?”

August 2036

When Amalia finds Naila standing in her living room, her first thought is that someone died and she’s here for another funeral. She can hear her parents’ voices echoing through the house, laughing with Sara, so she assures herself that nothing bad happened again. Naila looks uncomfortable, sitting alone on the sofa in an extremely poised way, but Amalia makes no movement to join her.

Last time they’ve talked to each other it was Quentin Lance’s funeral and it was not a good day. Amalia had heard about Naila since, Becky commented about her cousins and Naila had been in Star City a few times since, but never in her house. Amalia doesn’t know what her presence means and doesn’t like it.

She knows why Sara is here: because everything sucks right now. There have always been bad guys creeping around, always some danger, but it got worse. She doesn’t know who’s behind, she thinks there are superpowers involved but she’s not sure and she honestly doesn’t want to know. All she wants is to forget that this is her life.

But she can’t. Because Uncle Roy died and she had to look at her little cousin Elliot and know that it could have been her without a dad. And then Laurel got hurt last month and still hasn’t recovered. She knew it was only time before something happened to her parents and then it did. Her dad was thrown from a bridge and could barely leave the bed now.

She knows she’s lucky. Dad’s at home, when he could very well had ended up in the hospital or in a coffin. If it served for anything, they should all have just learned that vigilantism is not worth it.

But instead Sara showed up. Not just to see her sister and make sure this side of the family was okay, but to fill in for Dad in Team Arrow.

And she’s bringing her daughter? That is just weird.

Amalia is still standing in the door when Naila looks directly at her, not saying anything. Amalia tries to smile but Naila doesn’t bother to copy her, staring with curious eyes. Not knowing what to do, Amalia decides to join Naila at the sofa, sitting next to the girl, still silent.

“So.. You’re visiting Laurel?” Amalia asks, trying to start a conversation.

“We’ve visited her yesterday, we’re visiting your parents now,” Naila says, frowning and Amalia can’t help but laugh at that answer. “Sara wanted me to meet you. I’m Naila,” she extends her hand and Amalia finds herself shaking it even though it feels weird to shake hands with someone her age.

“I know that. I’m Amalia. We’ve met already.”

“I remember, but we weren’t formally introduced then. I’d like to get acquainted with you since I will be attending school where you go comes September.”

“Are you… staying in Starling?”

“Yes, Nyssa and Samyia are going to continue in Nanda Parbat for most of the time, but it was decided that I should accompany Sara while she’s here. Sara thought I would enjoy experimenting formal education, so I am here.”

“Did you not go to school there?”

“I had lessons with my moms and other members, but there isn’t anyone else my age in the League, so no school.”

Amalia frowns at that. No wonder the girl sounds so weird if she doesn’t interact with anyone their age. Amalia could only imagine how shocking would be to suddenly start high school with hundreds of teenagers, well, being teenagers. Amalia had some difficulty belonging there and she had studied with those people her entire life.

“I can help you around in school,” Amalia offers, “I can introduce you to my friends and we can hang out, if you want that is.”

“That would be lovely,” Naila smiles for the first time and her whole face transforms, she seems so happy at that moment that Amalia for a moment thinks she has offered more than just helping in school.

Naila is looking at her expectantly, waiting for Amalia to continue the conversation. Later, Amalia will be able to pinpoint this as the exact moment she decided to befriend Naila. They’d have to be friendly with each other anyway, Naila didn’t know anyone else in the school and it’d be the right thing to do; but it’d be easier if it was something genuine and not a friendship out of parental obligation. It’s the bright in her brown eyes and the way she blushes after smiling that sticks for Amalia, the red hardly apparent in her sand skin. Naila looks shy in a way that Amalia has never pegged Sara and Nyssa’s daughter for.

“Tell me about Nanda Parbat, what do you usually do there?”

While Naila talk about her life, Amalia can’t help but find it all fascinating and soon they are able to maintain a conversation without much awkwardness. Naila takes a while to be comfortable, but by the time their parents arrive in the room, it’s clear that Felicity won’t have to ask Amalia to hang out with Naila, they have already made their own plans.

Amalia thinks of her two best friends, trying to think of how to introduce Naila and wondering if they have a good backstory planned. Amalia is not ready to explain to her friends what the League of Assassins is and how she’s associated with then. Luckily for them, Amalia is a great liar and has been doing that since she was young enough to talk.

Somehow, even though she sounded like she was from a different world, Naila would fit right in her life.

#olicity fic #olicity fanfiction #nyssara #olicity #olicitysquee #arrow fic #arrow

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darcypalmer · 4 years

Photo

Rita reveals some truths that lead to a much awaited love confessions from @diegojaimechavez and Gen which leads them to a new kind of intimacy, Vex hogs the bed

After the first day of questioning, things have slowed down in the next few days. The FBI still asked to see Gen a few times for questions that came up during the questioning of Vivien and Bex, and then Al and the other US Marshalls also had their own questions and paperwork to get through, so she spent most of the time either at the US Marshall offices or in the motel room, waiting around and passing the time.

Diego was there through it all. He had his own paperwork to do and questions to answer, but as much as he could, he tried to stay close, and once they were both done for the day, he took her back to the motel and they passed the time together, and she couldn't have been more grateful for him.

Today was the first day when Diego wasn't actually around. He decided to go back to Sunnymead and pack up both his and her apartment. She told him the only two things she really cared about were Vex and her glasses, and maybe some clothes so she would have some change of clothes around, but even though her apartment wasn't empty, it also wasn't full of personal belongings that she really grew attached to. She organized the place in case somebody would need to come upstairs, so they wouldn't see it empty and unfinished at first glance, but none of it really mattered.

He dropped her off at the offices in case they needed her for anything and then he took off, so Gen has been hanging around the offices, quietly trying to stay out of everyone's way when she noticed Rita coming in and maybe it was childish, but she immediately ducked down, hoping Rita wouldn't notice her. It was probably a miscommunication on Diego and Rita's part that she showed up on the day he wasn't around - that, or she was planning on sticking around anyway and Gen would be spending her night alone from this point forward. Something she expected to happen sooner or later, of course she did, but still she just not wanted to talk to Rita in that moment and have to face just how amazing the woman was once again.

_______________________

Rita came in to see Al, with news on Tyler Ellis. After Diego and Al had a thorough discussion of Rita's involvement, and Al made sure to lightly chastise Diego for calling in an external consultant rather than working within the unit, Al relented and made an appointment to see Rita. She hoped she didn't look as nervous as she felt, going into the offices. Usually she was hired off the record and off the books to consult for government agencies - she justified it as being shady 'for the greater good', but somehow she felt like she wasn't just going to give her report, but she was being called into the principal's office in elementary school.

She arrived early, so Rita stopped at the coffee kiosk located in the office building, to pick up a tea and a muffin. As she waited for the tea and looked around, that was when Rita saw the other woman - Darcy Palmer. Or...her real name, but Rita knew her better as Darcy Palmer. Darcy seemed hassled and she looked exhausted; Rita got a smoothie bottle as well, then came over to her.

"Hey there," Rita said, sitting beside her. She handed Darcy the smoothie. "It's the green one, full of vitamins. You look like you haven't seen a decent meal in days. If Diego's catering food, then you definitely have not. I don't know how he manages to look like that, eating the way he does." She broke the muffin in half. "How are you holding up?"

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She tried. Maybe not as well as she could, but Gen really tried to be as noticeable as possible, but of course Rita noticed her and came over to talk to her - and even brought a smoothie for her! She didn't wanna know just how shitty and tired and drawn-out she must have looked if Rita would look at her and think "yeah, she needs some vitamins in her system". She didn't take it as an offense, even though she knew some people probably would, she just found it such a genuine and kind gesture.

If things were different, she would probably love to hang out with this woman. Now it just kind of felt awkward. She gave Rita an appreciate smile, though, as she took the offered smoothie. "Hey, thanks. To be fair, Diego ate at my place for almost a year, so it's partially my fault how he ate. And by my place I meant my diner, not my place, you know?" she added quickly when she realized how she might have sounded. There was a short time period when he was eating at her place, but it was better if even Rita didn't know about that.

"And if you think he has bad eating habits, you'd be horrified if you knew mine," she joked. "But thank you for this, it's really nice of you," she raised the cup at Rita before she took a sip of it. It was surprisingly good. There was a period of her life when she lived on these and drank them on a daily basis, but it felt like by this time she forgot how they even tasted, and it was nice.

"I am doing okay, I guess. As much as I can in all of this... well, it's kind of quiet in a weird way, mostly just endless questioning and then downtime. Are you here on official business?" she couldn't help but ask. Maybe she wouldn't like the answer, but it would make more sense if she came to report something or for an assignment.

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"Hmmm," Rita said, with an amused laugh as Darcy mentioned that diner of hers. She'd misinterpreted Darcy's words, thinking that Darcy was making an innuendo-joke about Diego 'eating' at her 'diner'. Rita knew he was sleeping with the woman, and she knew what a disaster that could turn out to be - not just for Darcy, but also for Diego. Now that Vivien Salazar was arrested though, Rita couldn't help but wonder if there was a chance for them. Some impossible, tiny, thin sliver of a chance. Rita didn't know Darcy well at all, but Rita felt Diego at least deserved something of a break. He was one of those fools who kept trying to do right, no matter how much he fucked up. He never gave up; and even now, Rita knew he wouldn't give up on Darcy Palmer. Did Darcy feel the same?

"I'm sure you fed him well. And I hope he returned the same. Men can be so greedy sometimes..." she said with a smile. Rita didn't know if that came off too chummy, so she was glad when Darcy asked a question.

"I am, I'm meeting with Al Karga - I'm sure you've already met him by now. My final report to hand in about one Mr Ellis. Then I'm headed back to New York. That's where you're from, right? I'll be glad to get back home, honestly. I've been on the road too long, and I miss my dogs." Rita realized that talking about her home to a woman who was currently so massively displaced was probably rubbing salt in an open wound.

"Oh - I'm sorry. I just mean - well. I hope things work out for you, really I do. Unfortunately without any further, er, monetary provisions from the FBI or US Marshal's office, I'm out of your business for good once I return home. In fact, Diego still owes me for what I've done already; and I'm guessing that fool's planning to pay me out of pocket, too. That invoice'll be unpaid for a while, probably." She smirked. "But I don't mind. At least my ex-husband's a stockbroker, and I get a huge alimony."

_______________________

"Okay..." Gen frowned. What Rita said sounded extremely strange, but she figured she'd just roll with it. And Rita kept talking, too, and once she brought up Tyler Ellis, she forgot about the weirdness completely.

"Was he involved with Vivien?" she couldn't help asking. It was one of the things that she kept running over and over again in her head. How if she would have listened to him, if she actually believed him, maybe they could have been more prepared and maybe none of the shit that happened would have actually happened. Maybe the FBI would have actually found Vivien before she could have kidnapped Juliana. "Sorry, you don't have to tell me if it's classified or anything, but if it's possible, I'd like to know."

Hearing Rita talk about New York and mention having dogs caused such mixed feelings inside of her. Part of her still desired to get back to New York, but she wasn't sure anymore if it was the city itself or the life where she was happy and didn't know all the horrors that she went through even if she could never actually get that back, while other part of her just wished she could have gone back to Sunnymead, back to the life she built up over the last couple of years. "Yeah, New York born and raised. Really loved it there, too, so I get wanting to go back there. Especially if you have dogs waiting for you. What kind of dogs do you have?"

She wondered if Diego knew about the going back to New York thing. They probably already talked about it and agreed on long distance or something. She couldn't exactly imagine Diego going after Rita and settling down in New York. Not because of Rita, she just couldn't really imagine him going so far from Texas for good. In her mind Diego sooner or later would always end up back here, he loved this place way too much for it.

And apparently Rita wasn't only going back to New York, she was also handing in invoices to Diego, which just made no sense. "Wait, Diego was paying you for everything? I thought he called in a favor, and then especially after you two are... you know, together and all, it was you helping out and the US Marshall's office paying if anyone." MIght have been a really stupid though, she knew that, their relationship was not too long yet, but it somehow made sense in her head. Well, until now. It felt like she was missing something.

And that's when it really clicked for her what Rita was talking about when she said they would feed each other and what she was trying to insinuate and was her smile really teasing or did she misread annoyance completely? Gen's eyes grew twice their size and she practically choked on thin air as she vigorously started shaking her head. "Wait when you said I fed him and he gave it back, you meant that the two of us... No, no, I actually meant he ate at the diner that I was running. Real food, actual real food. He even worked at the kitchen for a hot second, we just argued too much and I kicked him out of there, so he just kept coming back to eat there so he can do his job and keep an eye at me."

She looked around to make sure nobody was around them and actually heard this conversation. She didn't only want to make sure RIta didn't think there was anything between them, not anymore at least, she also didn't want to get Diego in trouble because somebody overheard them. Thankfully nobody was around to hear them but she still leaned forward and lowered her voice as she said, "It's not like that between us, I swear. You don't have to worry, it's-- we're close but it's more because we were thrown into these shitty situations together, mainly because of me, but that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is that he doesn't-- you know, feed me. Not in that regard. I'm not... no."

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“He wasn't," Rita replied, about Tyler Ellis. She said that without any hesitation. "Not directly, anyway. He had his fingers in a lot of pies and..." Rita looked around the office foyer before leaning closer. "The government's done its share of shady backdoor deals with...a lot of different types of people, but Ellis took that unspoken tactic a little too wholeheartedly. As in, he chose to profit for himself, rather than for his country. And that meant he did a lot of glad-handing and deal-making with all sorts, some of them affiliated to Salazar's syndicate. But I don't think Ellis and Salazar ever actually know each other. Not directly. Sorry, Ms Palm- I mean, Ms Soto, that's the most I can say."

She happily went into talking about her dogs afterwards. Like most dog-owners, she knew the breeds and showed photos to Gen on her phone. Rita clearly loved the two animals dearly.

But when they got back to the subject of Diego, once again Rita misunderstood what Gen was saying about him, because Rita was going off her own understanding of the situation between Diego and Gen. "Of course he's paying me for my services, it's how I make a living. The US Marshal office didn't technically authorize Diego calling me to work Ellis, sooo, yeah. It's just a lot of red tape. Don't worry, I don't charge interest for friends," she said with a smile.

And when Gen mentioned Rita and Diego 'together', Rita flushed, realizing that Diego told Gen about their night. "Listen, Gen. I don't want to assume anything, but it was just that one night, I promise. I didn't know how he felt about you until afterwards. He's a man, you know how it is. Once the blood reaches their privates their brains switch right off. I hope I didn't...make things weird between you two."

But then when Gen rushed to assure Rita that Gen and Diego didn't have any sort of relationship - sexual or romantic - going on, then Rita looked even more abashed. Clearly, from what Gen was saying, it turned out that Rita misread the entire situation. She'd thought their feelings towards each other were mutual. But apparently it turned out the feelings that Diego had for Gen Soto were completely one-sided and very much unrequited by Gen.

"Oh, I see," Rita said, feeling a bit sorry for Diego for getting himself embroiled in yet another doomed situation. It wasn't Gen's fault of course - if she didn't have feelings for Diego, that was her right - but Rita knew Diego would just end up with his heart-broken, completely his own doing. She decided she needed to enlighten Gen, warn her at least so that Gen could hopefully clarify things for Diego.

"And...look I'm sorry for getting so personal, but he's my friend and I do care about him. But I just want to make sure - so Di knows you don't have any, you know, feelings for him, right? And...you know he's got it bad for you? As long as he knows there's no hope in hell of you two happening, then that's fine. It's just. He got fucked-up over a woman before you, and she claimed to love him, even if I'm not sure she did. Since you don't feel anything for him, maybe just, I don't know. Tell him plainly? So the poor lovestruck fool doesn't think he's got any chance."

Rita patted her hand and smiled. "And I'm not judging you for not being attracted to him, or anything like that. If you don't have any feelings for him, that's totally understandable. He's just my friend and he's ridiculously in love with you, so I want to make sure he'll be okay once you've moved forward in your life, y'know? And I really, truly hope you're able to move forward in your life, after all this nightmare with Salazar is over."

She glanced at her phone. "Oh shoot - I should head up to Al's office, I'm gonna be late. Listen - Dar - Gen - it's been good to see you. Sorry for all my assumptions about you two! I honestly thought you two were a thing, that's totally on me," Rita said, rushing to gather her things as she stood up and backed away from Gen. "Good luck on everything, I mean it. Take care, okay? Maybe one day we can meet up again and laugh over this, who knows."

And with that, Rita hurried off to the elevator up to Al's maekshift office.

_______________________

It was a relief to hear that Ellis at least wasn't involved with Vivien directly. He was still a shady person and Gen hoped he would finally get what he deserved without being able to turn it around and slip away from the consequences, but it weirdly made her feel better to know Tyler at least wasn't on the same level as Vivien. He wasn't too much higher, but he was at least higher. "Thank you for telling me this much. And please, no Ms, just call me Gen. Or Darcy. Either works, really, I know it's kind of confusing right now."

She happily looked at the pictures Rita was showing her of the dogs and listened to the woman talk about them. She's wanted one her entire life, but at this point she made peace with probably never having one, so now she was just happy when she could hear about other people's dogs. And it was a nice, small break from the heavy and more serious topics, since right after they went back to Diego and him being charged for everything, and Gen made a mental note to herself that she would have to talk about this with Diego. There was no way she would let him pay for all of this when she was just as involved and part of the reason Rita was asked to dig into that asshole in the first place.

And then things took a surprising turn and suddenly Gen felt like she got up onto the rollercoaster that just kept going on higher and higher without an end, because the things Rita was telling her... well, they just made no sense. Or more like they made no sense in her head cause she was so sure she knew and understood the situation that Diego and Rita and she herself were in, and Rita was contradiction everything she thought she knew and was so sure of, and it was just a lot to take in and process and the fact that Rita just kept talking didn't help in the moment.

She had to admit, it crossed Gen's mind for a moment that Rita might just be fucking with her and telling her some fake story and in the end she would just laugh in her face with a "ha ha, you though, huh?" or something. She didn't seem like that kind of person, but how could she have gotten everything so wrong if everything Rita was saying was true? Even if it couldn't be, because DIego made sure to let her know that he didn't want her or thought they should really happen or that he even wanted anything to do with her sexually, the last of it only a few days ago. So what was Rita even talking about?

Okay, maybe they really just slept together once, maybe she misunderstood that part, but Diego couldn't possibly be in love with her, could he? He made it so clear he didn't want anything from her, what could she possibly have misinterpreted as him being in love with her? Was Rita just a really bad judge of character? Really bad at noticing love and the absence of it?

But she couldn't help her heart from fluttering into life and the butterflies in her stomach awakening and memories flashing into her mind. Him calling her honey repeatedly. The way he kept holding her hand during the drive here. How he was trying to take care of her the entire time they were here, putting in more effort than anyone else would have expected of him or would have done in his place. How he repeatedly told her that he wanted to stay by her side through all of this. How he was constantly trying to make sure she ate and got enough rest because he knew just how shitty she was at taking care of herself. How he kept sleeping in a shitty motel room next to her on the same bed when probably nobody else would have done that, normally they would have just let somebody take a night shift and let Diego rest on his own, let him have some time alone to himself at least. How he was currently somewhere between Sunnymead and here because he not only wanted to pack up his apartment and his stuff, but her as well, without her ever having to ask him of any sort. How he wanted her to take the bed and they had the same argument over it every single night since the first. How he arranged a call to her brother because he knew just how much it would mean to her and how much it would fuel her no matter how everything else was shitty around her. The way he pulled her close against him when they were sitting next to each other on the bed. Just how comfortable he seemed around her, whether it be in the car or in the motel room. How he didn't let her drive because he wanted to give her a chance to some calmness if she could find it. And all of this just in the last couple of days.

Suddenly she felt overwhelmed because if Rita is right, how could she have been so blind and so dumb? How could she have missed all the sighs? Just in the last couple of days alone everything he's done showed loving her, or at least having strong feelings for her, and all of that after he caught her right after she slept with Vivien.

Fuck. Vivien. Fuck. She already felt bad that DIego had to see the aftermath of that, had to know what went down between them, but if he really loved her and he had to see that--- fuck, it was an even bigger fuck up than she originally thought.

Fuck, how could she have missed all of this? DId she really miss all of this? She had so many question and she wanted to fire all of them at Rita, but once Rita finished... well, she wasn't sure what she was talking about, she kind of zoned out once she said that DIego was stupidly in love with her, but she assumed RIta was just trying to be a good friend or something, but once she was done with whatever she was telling her, she suddenly got up, excused herself and left and then Gen was just sitting there, half of the smoothie in her hand, staring ahead of herself and trying to wrap her head and heart around everything.

Could it really be true? All of it? Could she really hope that they could be more? That he could reciprocate her feelings?

And as if on cue, suddenly a family figure appeared in her eyesight and in a couple of seconds Rita's place was taken by Diego who looked hassled with a knapsack in one hand and some kind of food box in another and she didn't have a clue what to say or how to react, her heart was beating out of her chest and she was still in the middle of processing everything as she sputtered, "What-- what are you doing here?" She quickly shook her head and added to make sure he didn't misunderstand her, "I mean, I thought the trip would take you longer, you know. Did everything go okay? Did you manage to get everything? Is Vex okay?" Because focusing on her hedgehog and the trip seemed like a safer topic and it at least prevented Gen from asking him outright if everything Rita told her was true or not.

_______________________

Diego put the knapsack on one of the chairs, giving Gen a look before she adjusted her questions to be more specific. "I didn't want the trip to take longer, I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could," he groused, opening up the knapsack carefully. "People know. Obviously Vincent and the rest of the copshop, and the diner - although Flo seemed to be convinced by your vacation story and refuses to believe what people are saying. Everyone was a combination of not wanting to talk to me, and wanted to ask me everything, just like the kids were. I said my apologies and left as soon as I could."

Opening the knapsack up, he revealed that Vex was right inside the bag, which was lined with hastily torn-up newspaper. It looked like Diego had also placed cabbage leaves and some carrot pieces in there too. "I don't know what hedgehogs eat," he said, as they stared at the little creature snuffling around. "Maybe I should've left it with Jose, he seemed to have taken a shine to feeding it. They were all going up into your apartment now - Jose, Flo, a couple of the other servers. But I guess it don't matter now anyway. The rest of the stuff's still in the car, I just came here straight from Sunnymead. I brought the hedgehog's crate too, but I didn't wanna leave the critter in the car. I heard dogs die in cars, figured hedgehogs would too."

Standing straight, Diego slipped his hands into his back pockets. "But there you go. I hope I got everything you wanted, but I could always go back." Checking his watch, he glanced around. "They kept you waiting long? I thought Rita was supposed to come by...."

_______________________

Listening to Diego, having him sitting next to her, watching him reveal Vex in the bag, all of it felt so overwhelming and strange and too much and not enough at the same time while Gen was still processing everything. Her mind was still running a mile a minute, and then there was Diego talking about something so mundane and so... well, not to say Vex and what happened in Sunnymead was meaningless and nothing, but all of it for a moment felt so much like that compared to the realization she just had a moment ago. Compared to how dumb she felt in that moment for not seeing it sooner. Cause she really should have seen it sooner. It was right there, so obviously in front of her and she was too wrapped up in her own version of the story that she created for herself that she just couldn't see through it and see the reality.

She wasn't sure how she must have looked from the outside, but she must have had the most dazed expression. She felt completely out of it because he loved her. Even now, offering to go back if he missed something, he was offering to go back even though the drive was long and he probably didn't enjoy being in a situation where the entire town was attacking him on what happened, bugging him with questions and demanding explanations. And still, he was offering to make the trip if she wanted him to.

She loved him so much, so incredibly much.

But it's not like she could just keep staring at him and not say a thing, she needed to snap out of all of this and say something, preferably something coherent and something that wasn't bringing up everything Rita just told me. Because she wanted to talk to him about it so badly, but she also didn't know how to bring it up without it just bursting out of her cause ift hat happened in the middle of the office where anyone could overhear them, it would not end well. For either of them.

She tried shifting her focus towards Vex instead, carefully picking her out of the bag, "Hey little star, did you have a good journey?" she asked of her as if she could actually answer back, still being way too aware of Diego and his closeness and his feelings and not looking at him was so damn hard. "She mainly eats cat food but she will eat anything you give him, so the veggies were perfect, thank you for thinking of it. And thank you for bringing her here. Did you talk to anyone other than Flo from the diner? Did you tell her what happened or do you think I should call and tell her that she should believe everyone else? Did everything seemed to be running smoothly?" She was still working out in her head how she could make sure the Grub would stay open, but she trusted Flo in running everything.

She shook her head. "The waiting wasn't bad, just the usual and Rita is actually here already, we talked and she just went to talk to Al right before you arrived. Speaking of Rita," she realized there was one aspect of their conversation she could at least talk to Diego about, "why didn't you tell me you were paying for her work out of your own pocket? You shouldn't have done that. Or at least you should let me help you out there and pay half of it."

_______________________

"Are you alright?" Diego asked Gen, because she was looking somewhat stunned. "Came out of a bad meeting?" he guessed, since this wouldn't be the first time that all the questioning and debriefing with the FBI and the US Marshal office and even with the on-call therapist had completely melted Gen's brain. Some of the evenings when he and Gen returned to their hotel room, she'd just function enough to eat whatever he gave her, take a shower, and then watch TV until she passed out. He knew this would all just be another blur to her, just like it was the first time. With no routine and no set schedule other than getting to the office to sit around and wait, there was a sense of loss and fogginess. There was hardly anything Diego could do about it, but just abide by whatever the system needed from Gen, and making sure she at least didn't pass out from dehydration.

He was hoping that today at least, might give her some activity to focus on. First with looking after the hedgehog, and then sorting through all the things that Diego had brought from Sunnymead. When she finally seemed to click to life she picked up the hedgehog and Diego breathed an internal sigh of relief. At least the helpless living creature was triggering some sort of effect on Gen, and a good effect.

She spoke to it and Diego smiled to himself, but he didn't make fun of her. Because on the long drive back from Sunnymead, he'd had a few conversations with the hedgehog himself. It understood nothing, but it just felt weirdly good to vent to something living. "Oh good. You can thank Carl, he gave me the vegetables. And this sub sandwich for you too. He said apparently it's your favourite sandwich..." Diego shrugged, not sure if this was true or just Carl being Carl. He put the cellophane wrapped submarine sandwich on the knapsack.

"No, I don't think you should talk to anyone directly from Sunnymead any longer. I'm sorry. I told Flo and Jose that the restaurant owner's been informed and the FBI will handle things from there in terms or new arrangements. And yeah - I did talk to Al to find out if there was anything to be done for keeping the diner open. The owner just needs to find a new person to lease it out to, hm? So even if it just shuts down for a while in the interim, chances are someone smart in that town will realize the Grub's a cash-cow and snap it up. Don't worry, you don't...you can't worry about that sort of thing anymore." It was no longer Gen's to worry about. It was a Darcy-thing, and now it was over. He reached out and rubbed her shoulder in commiseration.

"I'll miss that place," he said. Whether he meant the Grub specifically or Sunnymead overall, Diego wasn't specific. But there was a truth to what he said. He released Gen and nodded about Rita, about to get himself a coffee from the kiosk. But then Gen started talking about Rita's work and Diego paused and frowned.

"She told you?" Diego said, and then rolled his eyes. "Dammit Rita..." But it wasn't entirely Rita's fault. She didn't know about Gen Soto's honourable heart that refused favours or good deeds from anyone without some sort of recompense. Gen hated owing anyone anything, even if it was something she didn't specifically ask for. She was stubborn in her desire to pay everyone back, no matter what. It drove Diego nuts, but it wasn't exactly something he could say to Gen. Mostly because her need to even the playing field came from such a good place. Maybe she didn't like being in anyone's debt, but at the same time Gen also did so much good in return.

"Look we'll sort it all out later, okay?" Diego said, with a wave of his hand. "Not like you got money to speak of - your savings and credit card are Darcy's money, not yours."

But he also had a wildcard up his sleeve to distract her from this argument, and this was the perfect opportunity for a distraction. He pulled two photos out of his pocket. "Here you go - I didn't forget these either." Gen's two photos - of Vivien, and of her family.

_______________________

Gen only realized both of her hands were taken when the sandwich was planed onto the bag. One of her hands had Vex, the other was still holding onto the half drank smoothie that Rita got her. Vex immediately started smelling, her little nose moving towards the sandwich and Gen smiled. "Thanks. Both to you and Karl, I guess. I'll eat it later, for now this smoothie will be enough." She took another sip of it.

She knew it was coming, that there would be a point when she wouldn't be allowed any more contact with anyone in that town. Technically she already wasn't allowed, but it wasn't spoken specifically out loud to her yet, so she was still holding onto hope. Just like she was holding onto hope that she would be able to somehow keep the Grub. She wasn't sure how that would be possibly, especially if she was relocated, but she was still holding on as the last lifeline to the life she had in Sunnymead, the life she built for herself and came to love. So when Diego told her it was done, there was nothing she could be done, it felt like a whole new kind of loss washing over her. Something similar she felt when she was relocated from New York. As if losing the Grub was making all of it real and final.

The Grub was her baby. It was her project that in a way saved her sanity back when she got to New York. It helped her in so many ways she wouldn't have been able to count them all, it gave her the opportunity to blend into the community with ease and as much as she started working on it with resentment and anger and annoyance towards the business, she came to love it so dearly. And all of it snatched away from her without the FBI thinking twice about it. (Not that she didn't realize that this was the logical and the right move in her position, but she couldn't think about it rationally, all she could feel in that moment was the loss.)

She closed her eyes and willed herself not to let the tears go. She was doing so good in the last couple of days not letting the emotions get the best of her, only allowed herself to cry when the two of them got back to the motel room and her sobs were muffled out by the running shower, and she was not about to break that routine. She knew nobody really would have cared, aside from Diego, but she still didn't want to allow anyone to see that. She took a couple of deep breaths before she opened her eyes again and gave Diego a bitter smile. "Hopefully somebody will open it soon and it will continue to be a staple in the community of the town." Just not with her running it. Or serving people, or doing the books, or even being able to ever step foot in that place. "And yeah, I'll miss it too. Everything, really."

He clearly didn't want her to know about him paying which was... well, it was stupid, really, but if he didn't want her to insist on helping out, it made sense that he didn't want her to know. Rita spoke about it so casually, though, that Gen was sure none of that was ever discussed between her and Diego. She was about to point this out when Diego made a point that she didn't even realize. Darcy's money wasn't hers. "What the fuck?!" she exclaimed, sudden and shocked. "So basically I have even less than I thought I did and basically at this point me getting relocated would be the best case scenario for me because then at least I would get some kind of help. Fuck. Cool. Awesome. We're still talking about the invoices, though," she added a moment later, cause it still didn't feel right to let him pay the full amount all on his own.

But if he wanted to avoid the conversation, he knew just how to distract her. The moment those pictures appeared in her eyesight, she froze once again, her eyes locked onto the pictures. She honestly thought Diego would only bring the one with her family. She did not want to see or have anything to do with the one where Vivien and her were together. She just... well, she wished she could just fucking burn it, really. She wanted to get rid of it in the most drastic and final way possible. Not that she could actually burn it up now, in the middle of the offices. They shut her down before even the photo could catch on fire. But it did give her an idea, and after finishing up the smoothie in her hand and putting its cup down next to her, she carefully took the two pictures, making sure that vivien's was on the bottom, covered by her family's picture so she would not see Vivien's face and placed it in her lap. "Thank you. For bringing these, too," she gave him a smile and reached over squeezing his hand.

_______________________

"Yeah," was the most that Diego could say about the fate of the Grub. Gen tried to make it sound very straight-forward and diplomatic, but Diego figured it was just one more private matter for her to have a breakdown over when she was alone. There was nothing for Diego to do about it, except be there whenever it happened. Gen had so much to mourn and grieve over - her family, her friends in Sunnymead, her two separate lives - she probably hardly ever knew where to start. One sadness probably melded into the other, and back again. She was a walking ball of nerves, on the verge of collapse.

So when she had her angry outburst about her money, and insisted on tabling the talk of the invoices for another day, Diego just nodded. "Alright, fine." And then he added, "Payment installments, once you start making money again. With interest, if you prefer." It was a compromise he was willing to make right now, because it banked on the idea of Gen once more getting back out there, finding a way to work again (and Diego knew she had an incredible work ethic, it was one of the things he immediately had liked about her) so she could pay him back. He didn't want the money from her, but if it was something she felt she had to do, then why not just let her do it? She needed a win of her own making.

"Of course," Diego said, when she thanked him for the photos. "I couldn't--"

But he was cut off by a couple of the FBI agents pulling Gen back into one of their offices. They got Diego to come too, and the FBI agent informed Gen that they'd done as much investigation with her as they could for the moment, and in a couple of months, they'd be flying her to New York to provide depositions and possibly testimony with the State Attorney.

Al was there as well, and he added, "The US Marshal office will arrange your lodgings in the time being. You will be moving states, California's been too compromised. It won't be temporary, but..." Al looked at Diego, who nodded. "We've made arrangements that you can keep the same handler, so. Chavez here will be going with you."

The FBI agent nodded. "And then once the trial is over - which could take months - then...we'll see what happens. That's the best answer we can give you, Ms Soto. Unless you have any other questions?"

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Gen nodded, happy that Diego didn't just simply try to fight her on her wanting to help with the money. "That sounds perfect, thank you." Maybe it was a small victory, maybe she wouldn't even be able to fulfill it for a long time still, but it was still something she could plan for, look forward to.

The FBI agent walked up to them without Gen ever noticing and she quickly (but hopefully not so obviously, at least she tried not to make it to be) pulled her hand back from Diego's and the two of them followed the agent into the office and listened to all the information given to them. It was a relief to know that the questioning was finally over, she wouldn't have to spend any more time in this place, but when the agent told her that she would be moved until the trial, for a moment she got scared, because it sounded like it would just be her and not Diego, too. It would have been a cruel twist of fate if after what she realized thanks to Rita, suddenly they were forced apart from each other. But as if Al felt all of that, he reassured her that Diego would be coming and she couldn't help the genuine, happy smile that spread over her face.

"I don't have question. I'm assuming the details will be provided before we are actually there... wherever the new place is."

"Of course. My coworkers are already working on the details of the location with the help of the local US Marshall department. You will be provided with all the information required tomorrow and then moved either the tomorrow evening or the night after that, based on how we can arrange everything. Until then you are required to remain in the room you're already in."

After this, the two of them were ushered out and they headed back to mentioned hotel. They picked up some food for Diego on the way, while she spent most of the ride sunk into the seat, her eyes closed, Rita's words going over and over in her head, Vex enjoying the ride in her lap.

Once they made it to the motel room, they moved everything inside the room, set it to the side of the room so they wouldn't be in the way - she would sort through them later, first she wanted to get Vex comfortable. And talk to Diego about everything. That was the main thing she wanted to focus on. She set up Vex on the bed and arranged the pillows to make sure she wouldn't fall off and then she looked for the trash can of the room - which was empty, just like she thought it would be. Perfect for what she wanted to do. "Do you have your lighter on you by any chance? Could I get it for a moment?"

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"Looks like we'll be dining on pizza for the next couple of days," Diego joked as they drove back to the motel. He motioned to their current takeout sitting in the back of the car. "So enjoy these burgers for now." Even as dire as that sounded though, Diego felt strangely...uplifted. He didn't want to think about his own personal reason for being happy about all these changes, so instead Diego just decided that he felt happy, becaue Gen sounded so happy when they were talking to the FBI.

For once, Gen didn't have any questions for the FBI or for Al. She was compliant and understood the procedure and Diego was surprised. Usually Gen was full of all types of questions, but this time she just accepted her new fate without complaint.

But it wasn't technically Gen's complacency that made Diego happy, but just that smile. That beautiful brilliant smile that Diego hadn't seen on Gen's face for such a long time. It was like sunshine after weeks of rain.

They got back, and Diego tried to sort through the piles of stuff to find the cage he'd brought for Vex. "I know it's here somewhere...oh maybe I left it in the trunk of the car," he said - but it seemed like Gen had the hedgehog sorted with a pillo enclosure, so Diego decided he'd go downstairs and fetch the cage after dinner.

And then Gen was asking for his lighter and he pat his pockets. He handed the zippo to her curiously. "Another smoke?" he asked. "We should conserve them if we're here for a couple more nights and can't go out. It's our last pack."

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Gen took the lighter with the shake of her head. "Nope, for once this isn't for a smoke." She grabbed the trashcan and moved it out of the room - she didn't think the room actually had a fire alarm, but just in case, she didn't want to trigger anything, plus she didn't want anything to get stuck with the smell of smoke, and then she fished out the now very crumbly and bad looking picture she had with her and Vivien on it.

She made sure the other picture was tucked away safe and sound in a place where it wouldn't get hurt or damaged, but she did not give any care about this picture anymore aside from the fact that it got destroyed.

She looked at the picture for a few moments, but at this point even looking at her own happy smile felt different. All of it, the entire picture felt fake and made up and built up on lies and deceit and she just wanted Vivien out other life completely. Which was going to happen, one way or another, but it felt like it started with this picture. This picture which for four years gave her so much strength and emotional support along with the picture of her family. And now it just made her angry for all kinds of different reasons. It was definitely time to get rid of it.

She held the little picture up so Diego could see what she was holding in her hand clearly, too - it felt so important to make sure that Diego saw what she was doing, that he understood that Vivien was her past and she didn't want anything to do with her. Especially after that colossal fuck up, she wanted him to see and know what she was doing.

"You know, for the longest time I never thought I'd actually want to get rid of this picture. I was living in this fucking fantasy and holding onto something that was never real, not for a moment, because I so desperately wanted to believe that it was working and that the fact that I was living in a happiness that was based on ignorance was good for me. Not anymore." And with that, she lit the picture, waited a few moment to make sure it caught on fire, and then dropped it into the trashcan so it could burn through the entire picture without any disruptions.

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"What're you..." Diego started to say, but when she took the trashcan out to the balcony, to the little private corner (they had an end suite) and pulled out the photo, he understood. He rocked back on his heels, folding one arm while he chewed the nails on his other hand. He watched Gen silently then. He didn't try to stop her - mostly because it wasn't his place to stop this. It was part of the process, and really Diego had to admit he admired Gen for being so decisive about this decision. She'd only received the photos today, and already she knew what she wanted to do with Vivien's photo. What it would mean to do this.

He watched as she gave it a goodbye speech, and watched as she lit the photo and then threw it in the metal trashbin. Diego only stepped forward then, and he put his arm around Gen's shoulders. "You okay?" he asked her quietly, after the fire ate the photo up completely, then simmered down into a few burning embers.

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Gen watched the picture curl up and burn and she kept thinking about that night when Diego found her pictures, how much she was desperately trying to hold onto it. How after she even tried to fucking steal it back, for fuck's sake. All of it for a picture of a person she was lying to her the entire time during their relationship.

Compared to that panic she felt during that night, she felt nothing in that moment. No, that wasn't right, there was an incredible rage towards Vivien inside of her for everything the woman put her family and herself through, and then for everything she put Juliana, and Diego and Phoenix and her through now and never for one moment it crossing her mind to apologize, not for a single moment. And then slowly, as the picture got smaller and smaller, there was this weird relief washing over her stronger and stronger, something she did not expect at all, but was very much welcomed.

She watched it for a few moments longer once the picture was gone completely and then Diego was there, his hand wrapping around her shoulder, asking her if she was okay and she just nodded and leaned against him for a few moments. "Yeah, I'm good. This felt oddly freeing," she admitted.

She didn't want to talk about any of it, though. She wanted to talk about anything but Vivien. More specifically, she wanted to talk to Diego about everything Rita told her, she just didn't have a clue where to even start with it. She just knew that she couldn't hold it in for too much longer, especially not if he kept being this nice and supportive to her. She just wanted to blurt out that she loved him, and that probably wouldn't have been the smartest way to start a conversation. Or maybe that is exactly what it would have needed.

But she kept quiet, and she pulled back and gave him a small smile before gently pushing him inside. "Go in, eat, while the burgers and fries are still warm." She followed him, and the two of them settled on the bed like they did the previous nights, except they were situated on the bottom side of the bed since Vex was still very happily enjoying her side of the bed.

Gen pulled a few salad leaves out of the sandwich Carl sent to her and gave it to Vex and then she started munching on her fries. "Did you know that up until like, an hour ago, I thought you and Rita were together? As in, together together, and not just, you know, one night, having a little fun together." She kind of rushed through the sentence to make sure she wouldn't chicken out, her heart beating out of her chest. Here it came, now she would know 100% sure whether Rita was right or not. Not that she now felt like she could have been wrong.

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"I figured that was the point of burning it. Freeing yourself...some kind of personal closure." But Diego felt he was just rambling now about nonsense that he had no real business talking about. Even after that harrowing kidnapping and seeing Vivien Salazar in person, Diego still believed that Gen's dealing emotionally and mentally was something deeply intimate and personal. There was nothing he could do to change what happened, except be whereever Gen needed him.

Once it was over, they left the can outside and headed back into the room. Diego lounged on the bed to eat, comfortable now in such close proximity with Gen. They'd been cooped up between here and the office building for a few days now. One would think Diego would get antsy about it, but he didn't really mind. At the moment, he felt content as he ate dinner in close quarters with Gen.

He wanted to make a comment about the dinner not being as good as the Grub, but decided against it. Gen had only just gotten past one painful memory in her life, he didn't want to remind her of another.

Fortunately, Gen started speaking instead - and what she said genuinely surprised Diego, and made his skin turn flush. "Me and Rita? Because of - listen, Gen. That night was...it wasn't meant to happen." He sounded like he was making excuses for cheating on Gen though, and Diego tried to stop himself from digging that hole any deeper. Not only because he didn't want to make excuses, but also because he wasn't even sure if it was cheating. Did Gen consider it cheating?

"Not that I don't care about her," he added lamely, thinking maybe Gen would get angry at him for disrespecting Rita. "She's a friend, and we've had some benefits every now and again yeah. But it was just that one time and...it was just the heat of the moment." He thought about Gen and Vivien but he didn't mention that. It wasn't cheating, not for him, anyway. Finding out that Gen had slept with Vivien, it didn't feel like cheating to him. But he had no idea how Gen felt. "I hope you understand. I am sorry it happened, if...if it...I mean. Are you...angry?"

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Gen tilted her head as she watched Diego suddenly get awkward and flushed (did she ever actually see him blush, ever? she couldn't remember) and started babbling and he actually apologized. As if he did anything wrong. As if she didn't do the same thing, only worse. And still he was apologizing and thinking that she was mad and Jesus, she loved him so much. How did it take her so long to see all of it? Both her own feelings and his as well. How could she have missed any of it?

She let out a soft chuckle as she shook her head. "Jesus, this is why I love you," she said without it ever even registering what she was saying in the moment as she ran her fingers through her hair. "You sleep with Rita, and then I go and... well, I go and sleep with Vivien, which is like a 100 times worse, and somehow you're the one apologizing and asking me if i'm angry. I really need to get my anger in check if you think I could ever be mad about something like this. Not to mention I'd be the biggest hypocrite on the entire planet." She was hurt, yes, but now she realized that a lot of that pain was her own fault, creating a story in her head about something she saw even though she shouldn't have jumped to conclusions so quickly or used her imagination so widely in the first place.

"No, the reason I-- well, the reason I am bringing it up because I talked to Rita about it. Well, no, I think it was more like we talked over each other and we kept misunderstanding each other and thus revealing things that-- what I'm trying to say is that I thought you two were together, so when you came up, I tried to reassure Rita that nothing was going on between us because I didn't want her to think I'd screw things up for you guys, which was true, I want you to be happy and if that was with Rita, then I'd want that for you. And she believed me so much that... she said some things. About your feelings."

She was talking faster and faster and she could feel her heart beat picking up more and more, and by the time she got to the end of her words, she already half forgot what she already said. She was just rambling, trying to get to her point as coherent as she possibly could, but also in the end not really daring to say the things Rita actually said to her. She felt like a chickenshit, but she also didn't want to say it for him, partly because she didn't want it to turn out to be untrue, and a tiny part of her was afraid that DIego would tell her that just because he wasn't with Rita, it didn't mean he had feelings for her either (and it felt way too good to be true and too many shitty things happened to her in the last few years to believe anything good like this could ever happen to her again), and partly because she wanted him to say it so badly.

_______________________

Diego blinked, then paused, then stared at Gen as she kept talking, wondering if he'd just heard what he thought he'd heard. 'This is why I love you' - that was what she said, wasn't it? He looked around, as if there was anyone else in the room who could confirm this. Vex provided no assistance. He turned back to look at her, trying to play catch up to everything else she was saying - and it suddenly felt like a lot.

Was she being sarcastic? As in 'jesus christ, this is why I love you, you're just so aggravating' in a dry, friendly bantering way? He didn't want to make a big deal out of it, only his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. So clearly there was some part of him internally that was making a big, huge deal out of it.

"Well the circumstances were different," Diego pointed out, although his words came out faint and mumbly. He didn't know why he felt the need to defend Gen sleeping with Vivien, apart from the fact that it completely destroyed her life. Again. She didn't need anyone else to beat her up about it when Diego knew she'd be doing a good job of that herself.

Then it connected, when she said she spoke to Rita - she spoke to Rita, apparently, about him. One of those mysterious 'girl-talks' happened between Rita and Gen, where things were discussed and learned. Diego never understood how women could just be almost complete strangers yet manage to accomplish deep heart-to-hearts, only to drift away once more. It fascinated him, and this time it seemed to possibly benefit him as well. At least, he seemed to come out of their girl-talk without either woman being angry at him.

It seemed, possibly, maybe, that it was quite the opposite, in fact.

"My feelings. My feelings?" he repeated, finally with some clarity. He was about to challenge her to detail what 'his feelings' were, according to Rita. Put Gen on the spot and make her confess everything that happened in this girl-talk. But she'd said so much already, and she was looking at him with those huge eyes full of vulnerability and a certain fond softness that went straight to Diego's heart. There was no need to get defensive or challenge her, because she'd said so much already.

Right from the start. It wasn't sarcasm in Gen's tone. And so it would be cruel to make her doubt herself now, at this point, when everything apparently seemed to be revealing itself before them, somewhat out of their control. But there it was.

Thanks to Rita and Gen, and their girl-talk, apparently. He made a mental note to send Rita a gift basket, one day.

But he stayed where he was, watching her intently now. He said the first thing that came to his mind. "It's not wrong. My feelings. They're...they're not wrong. They're not ideal, but that's sometimes just how it works out, and if it's worth it, then it can be sorted, hopefully. And Gen, I'm...I shouldn't have made you feel that way, that you were...wrong. You might be the job for me but - you're much more than just a job for me." Diego paused then, his face crumpling as he tilted his head at Gen. He motioned with his hand.

"And honey - you...do realize what you said to me, just now? Right at the start, before - ah - before you started talking about you and Rita, and all that. You said you...." He prompted her to recall, in case she didn't.

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Gen's stomach dropped at the way Diego repeated her last words, and for a moment she was terrified that Rita was, in fact, wrong and he didn't have any feelings for her. (Did she really believe everything Rita was telling her without being able to properly even ask back? Did she really wish Diego to have feeling for her so desperately that one short conversation made her believe anything?) That whatever Rita thought she saw was a huge mistake and she was nothing but the job and that Gen was right in thinking that everything he was doing lately was out of nothing but kindness. That opening her mouth was a huge mistake and she would be wishing she never brought the conversation up at all.

But then Diego was talking again, or more like stumbling over his words as if he wasn't completely sure what he wanted to say either, just said the first thing that crossed his mind, and Gen's heart was fluttering and waking up, quickly beating out of her chest in excitement and hope. He didn't think they were wrong, he didn't think his feelings were wrong. She tilted her head, her expression softening and a smile spreading across her face that she was sure nobody in that moment would be able to wipe off of her face. "Thank God, cause it always felt right between us and I couldn't imagine how you could... how it could feel anything but that for you," she said, her voice barely above whisper. It somehow didn't feel right to talk normally, as if it would ruin the magic.

She frowned for a moment, trying to figure out what he meant (while finally, for the first time, not freaking out over him calling her honey, cause it was in fact not just a general endearmeant, he said it specifically to her, because he had feelings for her and he wanted to call her something sweet and loving and damn it, she could feel her entire body tingle with excitement over something so small).

"What do you mean? I just said that--" And then it hit her.

This is why I love you.

That is what she led with. That she loved him. Which was 110% true, yes, but that wasn't supposed to be what she led with.

"Fuck," she couldn't help the curse word slipping out of her. "Fuck, I wasn't supposed to tell you like that. Just blurting it out and dumping it on you out of the blue and moving on without even realizing I said it and--" And she stopped herself because she was doing it all over again. Just talking and talking. Her expression softened and she couldn't take her eyes off of him. "But it's true. I do love you. And I want you to know it has nothing to do with gratitude for everything that you did, it's just-- you're an amazing person and I'm so lucky to have met you and looking back it feels kind of ridiculous how long it took me to realize, but I am in love with you."

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It felt hard to speak, and it seemed Gen felt the same way, her words barely above a whisper. Still, Diego didn't come closer to her out of some absurd fear that if he moved now, then this would all suddenly dissipate. Like Gen would bolt like a deer or change her mind or even more cheesily, that this was all just a dream.

But she said it again - I love you - and he didn't even consider that maybe she loved him out of some sense of obligation or like she owed him for something. That thought, more than anything, finally clicked home for Diego. This was actually happening. He could unearth those feelings that he'd tamped down and buried, and actually explore them - with Gen. She said it so plainly, he still couldn't quite believe this was happening, but he did believe it was true.

Dinner forgotten, Diego got off the bed and finally closed the distance between them, picking Gen up in his arms. He kissed her first, fervent insistent kisses, each one longer than the previous. "Are you sure?" he asked her finally, but then quickly said, "No, you don't need to answer that. I believe you." Diego put her down and cupped her face then, searching her eyes for what he finally knew was already there.

"I love you too, Gen..." Diego breathed the words out, and it felt so comfortable being spoken like that. So natural, like it was obvious. He had Gen to thank for that. Gen and her outspoken ways. He smiled, wryly. "So was that what Rita told you? That I was in love with you? She tried to talk to be about it but I ignored her because - well - you and I, we were fighting...damned if I can even remember what about." Something about Tyler, and Darcy - Gen - doing her own thing. Whatever. It hardly mattered anymore. Not when he got to slid his arms around her, and feel Gen holding onto him.

Diego walked them back to the bed, kissing Gen as they sat on the edge. Diego kept kissing her then, so she lay back on the pillows, his arms braced on either side of her head. "So. What do we do now?" He pushed some of her auburn curls off her face. "I don't have any plan for any of this, Gen. And I doubt you do either. You think...you think we can make this work?"

Dropping his head, Diego then rested his forehead against Gen's, a strange sort of relief washing over him. "Damn, this feels surreal. It feel that way for you? This - none of this could've ever happened if...all the circumstances didn't line up. Not all those circumstances were good, either." Gen's cover being blown, Juliana getting kidnapped, the anger and betrayal from Sunnymead. Her life over in the space of a few days. "Is this a good thing? I don't - with everything happening, Gen, I don't want to ruin it just because...we don't know how to control it."

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There was a moment of quiet and stillness between the two of them, when they just looked at each other and neither of them dared to move, almost as if neither of them wanted to ruin the moment, as if the smallest movement on either of their part could make all of this disappear. And then Diego was moving, towards her, for her, and Gen couldn't help the genuine, happy laugh that break out of her as he swoop her up into his arms. And then his lips were pressed against hers, Diego kissing him with passion and Gen's laugh died, matching his passion and fervency with hers, not wanting to let him pull away even just for a moment, let alone him speaking stupid things and asking her if she was sure just to then reassure her that he believed her. She didn't think she would ever be allowed to kiss him again, and now she didn't want to stop.

Okay, maybe she was okay with stopping the kissing for Diego cupping her face and telling her that he loved her, too. She was more than okay with that interruption. Her arms were around his torso and it felt like she melted into his arms hearing those few simple words. If somebody told her they would be here after she first met Diego... hell, if somebody told her at the beginning of the day, she wouldn't have believed any of it. It just felt too good, too surreal, too much out of a book or a movie. Too much like a happy ending when she for the longest time didn't believe she would ever get one.

"Yeah, that's what she told me," she said, her lips curling up in a grin which she doubted would disappear from her face anytime soon. She reached up, one of her hands wrapping around Diego's neck and holding onto him tight and strong, pulling him close, while she cupped his face with her other hand, her fingers caressing his face. "After I told her that there was nothing between us cause I didn't want her to worry while you two were together - there was a lot of miscommunication in the conversation -, she told me that I needed to talk to you and let you down easily because you're ridiculously in love with me and you need to know you don't have a chance with me. And then she just walked away." She felt so overwhelmed in that moment and had so many questions she wished she could have asked from Rita, but it was better like this. She didn't want to talk about Diego's feelings with Rita, she wanted to talk about them with Diego. His feelings and hers and how they could figure out all of this.

"Careful, careful, we don't wanna crush Vex," she chuckled as they laid on the bed, Gen making sure they landed on the other side of the bed to where the little hedgehog was. Maybe she should have gotten her out of there, but in that moment all she could do was keep holding onto Diego and keep looking at him. A part of her was still scared that if she just looked away, all of this would be gone, while the other part of her simply couldn't get enough of him, his touch, the way he so openly looked at her with adoration and love now.

They could do that now. They could finally be open about their feelings, neither of them had to keep it in anymore, neither of them had to wonder how the other felt. It was like such relief, like an amazing dream she never wanted to wake up from. Except it was reality, which made it all even better.

At his question, she leaned up and kissed him, this time slowly. "I'm not sure what we're going to do now, but we'll figure it out. We'll make it work. I refuse to accept anything else. We have some time here in this room, and then we'll be somewhere else for a couple of months at least. We can just figure it all out one step at a time." New life, new identity, new people. Everything was new, but knowing he would be there, that they would be there for each other from the beginning - it felt a lot less daunting this time. At least they could rely on each other through all of it.

She gently started running her finger along his arm as he was propping himself up above her while she nodded. "Yeah, it feels surreal. Or more like a dream. I never though... fuck, Diego, I was so convinced you didn't want anything to do with me, not anymore, all of this doesn't feel real yet." She leaned up and kissed him, originally wanting to only give him a small kiss in between their conversation, but she just couldn't get enough, couldn't pull away. He felt intoxication, addictive, and she wanted to keep kissing him, keep him close.

"Our timing might not be the best, but if both of us want this, I can't see this as anything other than good." The timing really was not the best, especially not considering how they were still very much surrounded by Marshalls and the FBI, and she still didn't want to get him in trouble for any of this. Hearing him say that he didn't want to ruin this, though, it made her heart warm and jittery. "I don't want to ruin this either. Maybe if we take it slow, we can keep it in control. And Diego, I--" she pushed herself up a bit onto one of her elbows, and cupped his face, looking into his eyes. "I'm still very much a mess, that's not going to change, and I don't-- I don't want to screw this up with where I am right now. I don't want to just be the sad girl you gotta comfort and cheer up at all times, you deserve better than that." A moment of quiet before she whispered, "I want to love you right. The way you deserve it." It felt important to make that clear.

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"Well I wouldn't say it was ridiculously in love..." Diego grumbled in protest as Gen described what her and Rita talked about. But he mostly just protested in jest, because the conversation sounded so very Rita. And so very Gen, for that matter. Of course she'd convinced herself somehow that he had no feelings for her. Because, he supposed, he'd dine such a good job trying not to acknowledge his feelings.

Diego had, for a brief, weird, blissful bubble of time over the holidays. When he and Gen started sleeping together more regularly, when things felt and seemed happy and peaceful between them. Those moments of tenderness and togetherness where they actually talked about things as a couple would. Except they never talked about deeper things - like feelings for each other, or plans for the future. It was safer that way of course, especially because it couldn't last forever. And it hadn't. The bubble burst, and life returned, and then madness happened.

And now here they were again. "I never thought we'd get this chance, so I just didn't want to give either of us hope," Diego explained, to try and assuage Gen's convictions that he hadn't felt anything for her. So she didn't think she was just being stupid or blind. "We were going along so well for a while, but too much of a good thing...can just be a fantasy when the world around you is terrible. I learned that lesson already. And so did you, in a way..." Diego glanced over at Vex for a moment (safe between her pillows) and then kissed Gen again.

"But this is different. Everything's different now, including this. You're right. This is good. We'll take it slow so we can figure it out. We don't have to rush things and we're both adults with...lots of fucked-up experience, so."

He was glad to hear Gen being reasonable like that, it soothed his own fears. She always had a very sensible way of looking a things, often from angles that Diego's own mind couldn't see. He could rely on that, like he had in the past. And for the first time, Diego realized he could see a future for them. Nothing substantial, just a pinpoint of light, and hope. And possibility. He felt something else too, like the inklings of a chapter coming to a close, to start a new chapter soon; but he didn't know quite what to make of that so he tabled it for now and focused on Gen and Gen alone.

"No, none of this feels real yet," he agreed, looking around them. "It's the ambiance, and the state of displacement - I don't think either of us function well when our lives are in limbo, hm? Your life more than mine, but where ever you go, honey, you know I'm gonna follow. I'm glad I convinced Al and he worked that bossman magic. Maybe once we're in the new interim town before the trial, we can...know what to do. I trust my instincts with you by now, hm?" He ran a curled finger along her soft cheek. Diego smiled and slowly lowered himself down, beside Gen so that they could just lay together looking at each other. Vex, in truth, took up the majority of the space while Gen and Diego shared a smaller space on the bed. Not that Diego minded in the least.

"And I know things aren't gonna transform overnight, Gen. This ain't no Cinderella story. Besides, I like comforting and cheering up my sad girl, when she's sad. You better not try'n pretend shit's okay and that you're fine just to delude me, Gen. I'll know. I know all your signals, even when you try to hide them." But even still, he couldn't help but feel a surge of warmth and fluttering inside of him, when Gen said she wanted to love him right...because he deserved it. "I think you're the first person who's told me I deserve something so good, Gen. Other than my mother, I guess, but that's much different."

He still touched her, hand rubbing along her arm and hip in stroking motions. "I'm in no rush, as long as I still got you. And whenever you're ready - whenever we're ready to do it right, then we will. For now, we'll take it slow. And if I'm being honest with you darling, I don't think we should sleep together right now, even if it would help with some of the tension. It'd be too superficial...I can't believe I'm suggesting this," Diego guffawed and looked up at the ceiling as if to confirm his own words with God.

Then, decision made, he looked back at Gen. "We should wait till we're settled and not so...waiting for someone else to make plans for the next step in our lives. Right now if I was gonna have sex, it'd just be mindless sex purely for physical pleasure. And I don't want that with you. And I don't want anyone else but you, even for mindless sex, so. We can just stay here like this, hm? For now, until we...until things are right."

He chuckled then. "Why do I suddenly feel like a teenager trying to do the good Catholic thing about my first time?"

_______________________

Gen shook her head quickly as Diego tried to explain. "Hey, no, no, darling, I didn't think it could go last, either, you didn't do anything wrong. And I misinterpreted a lot, I came to my own conclusions. Which already proved to be way off from time to time," she joked. "So you didn't do anything wrong."

She shifted just a little so Diego would have the space to lower himself next to her. Not too much, though, she very much enjoyed the close proximity and all she wanted to do was stay close to him, stay touching, but just enough so he wasn't in danger of falling off the bed. She rested her hand over her side, her fingers slowly drawing circles on his back. "I like it when you say that, that you're coming wherever I am going. I know it's true, I know you said it before, but I still like hearing it. And I like it when you call me honey." If nothing else, that should have been a dead giveaway. There was something in Diego's voice, a softness that wasn't usually there that was only there for her, that was filled with adoration and love. Of course it wasn't just a casual honey.

Gen's heart filled up with warmth and love as Diego said he knew nothing would change overnight but that he wanted to be there through the bad parts. She knew that already, he made it very clear, but still it was nice to hear. "I wasn't planning on that... okay, no, that's not fully true, I would probably try and hide some of it, but I know that you can tell. And I really appreciate you being there for me, and I will try not hiding it. And just to be very clear, there's no hiding anything now," she added and kissed him. "Just happiness."

It felt strange in a way, to feel this happy in the mids of everything else, but it also felt like it was something that was well deserved, something that was right and almost needed after all the shit that happened.

Him saying she was the first person to say something so nice to him felt so sad, if she really thought about it, but it also didn't surprise her. Other people were definitely idiots, not to notice just how amazing he was, but she also knew that she was one of those idiots only a couple of months ago. He barely let anyone close enough to see through his hard exterior, and she was lucky to have been able to let in like that. "Well, you do deserve it, even if other people are too dumb to see. I'll just try to make it worth the wait, I guess."

She watched him with an amusing smile on her face as he struggled to believe what he was about to suggest. "Diego Chavez himself suggesting to table sex for a while? Who would have thought we'd see the day," she teased him, chuckling before giving him a small kiss and reaching up to caress his cheeks. "I agree, by the way. I think we should wait, too. It just... it wouldn't feel right here." This, what they had here now, the way they were lying so close to each other, felt more intimate and more important than any sex they could have in that moment.

"And maybe you feel like a teenager trying to get your first time right because in a way this is gonna be the first?" she suggested. "Obviously not in the same sense, but this feels like a start, a new beginning. And it's nice, that you wanna start it off right. Make sure we don't screw things off or rush into anything." A new beginning just for the two of them. And damn it, they deserved it, after all of the horrible shit they had to go through and all the ups and downs they went through.

_______________________

Gen called him 'darling' and it had been so long since she'd used any term of endearment on him, that Diego was struck by hearing it fall from her lips. He absorbed it, impressed his moment into his memory even though the possibilities were high that she'd call him something sweet again. More and more, even. The idea was exciting, even one as simple as that.

The revelation had been so huge, but Diego felt so calm about it. He wasn't afraid, and he didn't feel the need to mask any anxiety with intensity. This was just them - bare, open, and raw. Not because they were pulling off each other's clothes, but because they lay together, just looking at each other and talking. That was more raw than anything else.

"You didn't do anything wrong either. I think we just have a knack for poor timing, hm," he said, holding her chin gently to give her another kiss. "But that's fine. Even with...everything going on right now, we're still gonna do out best to make it work." Diego said it like an statement for the both of them - and maybe that was a little presumptuous to speak for Gen as well, but he liked to think she agreed with him on this. When gen threw herself into something, she did it whole-heartedly, accepting the wins as much as the loses. And now, with everything said, perhaps she might even be able to gain more wins than loses.

"The Grub was your biggest win, after losing your first life," he observed, realized. "It was successful and brought people together, and it kept you busy and happy. No wonder you love that place so much. I'm so sorry you had to leave it, Gen. I'm sorry about you leaving all that you accomplished and everything you loved in your first life two, but I didn't know you then. I know you were in your element, at the Grub. You're gonna do it again. You've gotten knocked off your feet before, but you'll get back up and do good things again."

He chuckled when Gen teased him, and leaned into her touch against his face. "I know, I know. But I guess you put the pious back in this old choir boy." This was all so tender and intimate. It was also rather sudden and yet it felt so natural. Maybe because they'd kind of been down this road before, but never had a chance or the freedom to explore this far. So it was retreading familiar territory but just...more of it. Without trepidation.

Even if there was the possibility of this ending badly, those chances felt slimmer now. At least, it did for Diego.

And the more Gen spoke, the more he believed she felt the same way. "Aren't you poetic. I like that though, yeah. A new beginning. It could...it could be. I'm no spring chicken, Gen. The older you get, the harder it gets to see a - a future with just anyone." He looked her in the eye, his expression tentative, if earnest. "It has to be someone...who actually clicks."

_______________________

"Maybe..." Gen started, "maybe all that poor timing is what we needed." She didn't really believe in a lot of things, fate sometimes seemed to be more like something that people who didn't have anything else to grasp onto believed in (and sometimes she did feel like one of those people, but only sometimes), but if this is how it was meant to be, she could live with that. "All the fighting and all the miscommunication and time spent together and apart, maybe that's what we needed to make sure that when we got here, we could make it work."

Diego put the gist of what Gen was feeling about the Grub and why she was feeling it so well and so perfectly, she probably wouldn't have been able to put it this well, not right now at least. Mainly because the moment she thought about the Grub and how she didn't have it anymore, couldn't see it anymore, couldn't even go near it anymore, let alone talk to the people who worked for her, who came in every day, who brightened up her day and made her feel like she belonged in that diner, in that town - the undescribable grieve hit her all over again. For the diner, the people, the town, and everything else she's lost.

And while she appreciated Diego's trust and faith in her that she could do it all over again, she wasn't so sure of that anymore. She had built something up twice at this point - both so different, her business and career in New York being something she mostly did on her own and it was focused on her push and drive and need to be the best and get better and better while make a name for herself in her own field, while the Grub might have technically been something she did alone, too, but it was a community effort, she wouldn't have gotten anywhere without her employees and the people who came in. Two very different things and both of them snatched out of her hands along with her entire life. She wasn't sure she would be able to build anything like this ever again in fear of losing it all over again. And she was definitely certain she wouldn't be able to watch something else being taken away from her in the same fashion.

She knew the loss of the Grub and Sunnymead and everything and everyone else would at some point turn to nostalgia and to a loss that felt bearable, something that didn't feel like it could tear her apart at any moment, but the wound was still too fresh and she couldn't help the wave of sadness hitting her. Gen hated it. On any other day she would have dealt with it. Maybe not gracefully, but she would have, but she didn't want today to be about sadness. Not today. She just wanted to be happy and enjoy their little bubble just a little bit.

"Can we not--" She stopped for a moment, ducked her head to gather her thought before she looked back at him, a bittersweet smile on her face as she said. "I really appreciate everything you just said, I truly do, but can we not talk about it, just for now, please? I-- I don't want to be sad tonight. I just want to enjoy this and not think about anything else outside of this room." At least not anything that led to thinking about everything that was just left behind. "Maybe except for where do you think we would be going? And how it will all work? I did this once myself, but I assume it will be different going in with you."

There was an openness, a certain kind of truthfulness and tenderness in Diego's eyes, every look of his, every touch, every movement, that Gen hasn't seen before. She's seen fragments of it, she was sure of that, but never this openly and easily, and it brought a smile to her lips.

Him teasing and Gen let out a small chuckle at his choice of words. "Sure, you're not 20 anymore, but you're not that old either. Just... mature. And I happen to like mature," she leaned in to kiss him. His words stuck in her heart, though. It can only work with somebody who clicks with him. She clicked with him. Gen knew he was talking about her, obviously, he was talking about her, otherwise this would turn into a very awkward conversation, and even though he didn't specifically say it out loud, but her heart was melting. He saw a future with her. It really felt too good, too much like a dream. As if finally the universe realized just how much she went through and allowed her some happiness, too. Both of them.

It still felt too good to be true, though, and she couldn't help but ask, "This is real, right? I'm not going to wake up soon and realize all of this was just a really vivid, really well crafted dream my mind decided to tease and torture me with?"

_______________________

"Mm," Diego hummed, as Gen pointed out her own opinion, and he liked what he was hearing. It wasn't exactly fate or destiny between them, but it was just something that happened because of everything they'd gone through. They deserved this, didn't they? Was it even a matter of deserving? These were questions Diego couldn't answer, at least not right now.

And when Gen asked not to talk about things like the Grub, or memores of Sunnymead, Diego pulled her a little closer and kissed her brow. "Of course, of course," he said, because she was right. Despite this revelation coming to light, it hadn't meant anything really had changed around them. Gen was still at risk, she was still transient and still playing the waiting game right now. Small graces under so much bigger pressure and stress. This wasn't the time to debrief about things she couldn't control, and didn't know how to process. She had no security or stability right now, no foundation to rest on so that she could process. So Diego just stroked her hair and arm, just letting the feeling of close intimacy wash over them like warm waves.

Eventually though, Gen had to ask questions, and Diego looked into her eyes again. "No, I don't know. Somewhere on the mainland of the United States. Probably not New York, or Texas," he said with a slight smile. "Too obvious. And we're likely not staying in California...I think the FBI Agent Karmeni said as much there. But that leaves the rest of the states wide open. I believe this time it will be more explicit though. If we're going together, it's unlikely that we'll have to pretend to be strangers. It would be too obvious. But whatever they decide, it'll be fine, alright? There's protocol for all of this, and we've been through it before. It'll be fine."

Of course Diego wasn't sure of that, but he was reassuring himself as much as Gen. Despite how out of control things got with Vivien Salazar showing up, he hoped they could regain some semblance of control now. He couldn't help but add, "Just please, for the love of god, listen to me when I ask you to do certain things. You can argue all you want, but don't--" He didn't want to bring up Gen driving to LA on her own steam, and not telling him. But he had put the past in the past, and he wasn't going to dredge it back up. "- don't do anything hasty. Trust in me."

Diego shook his head and muttered 'unbelievable' in grumpy amusement when Gen said she liked mature. It sounded so ridiculous, but in an entirely endearing way. He leaned in and kissed her, long and soft, almost luxurious. As if they were perfectly fine, and this was just a lazy Sunday together with no cares in the world. "No torture. No dream. For better or for worse, this is real, Genevieve Soto."

_______________________

Gen closed her eyes and leaned closer, burying her face into his shoulder and neck, focusing on his fingers on her hair and arms while she held onto him and got lost in the sensation. He couldn't just erase the pain she felt, nobody could do that, but damn it, this quiet and intimacy between them helped in such ways she never thought could be possible and she let it settle between them for a while before she spoke again.

She listened to his thoughts about where they would end up, and how the two of them would be didn't even cross her mind, and now she was wondering about that. They'd probably get assigned to be friends or something, though. Maybe they get a place together and then they would be roommates - that sounded like something the FBI would do. And then leave it to them to explain why they moved together as friends or something. Not that they couldn't handle it, lying was still something she was way too good at. And at least they'd be close to each other.

"Is it weird if I say that I hope we are not going into one of the big cities?" She never really thought she'd say this or even feel this. For so long all she wanted was to get back to New York, but now it somehow felt too big, too unfamiliar, too unknown. Small towns had communities that never really happened in big cities, not in the same way. And even if it was just for a small period of time, she wanted to go somewhere where she could feel okay. "I know it's gonna be fine, I am weirdly not that scared of that aspect of it. I mean, I'm scared shitless, but that's more a general feeling about, well, everything. God, I'm not even sure if I make sense at this point. But my point is that you being there, knowing that definitely helps. A lot."

She could feel guilt rising in her at Diego's request. She kept promising him to do better, to communicate better and be a better team player, and she kept screwing up and doing stupid things and leaving out Diego in one way or another, endangering not only herself but him too (and even other people too, with her latest stupidity). And he was even trying to be nice about it, playing it down and calling it hasty instead of reckless and stupid.

"I close my eyes and I keep seeing Juliana tied to that chair, the way her wrists looked after I untied them and all the shit she said she had to go through while we got there. The way Vivien held the gun to your head. I was terrified and I-- all of that could have been avoided if I wasn't reckless and didn't go to LA. So I think it's safe to say that my reckless days are over. I can't-- I'm sorry it took me this long to understand just how big of an impact me not following the rules could get, but I'm done, I'm not going to object to what you tell me to do. I might argue about certain things, I can't promise you that I won't, but I promise I am done being hasty, as you put that so nicely."

Gen melted into the kiss and held onto Diego strongly, but gently at the same time. It was the kind of kiss that felt like as if they had all the time in the world to them - and now they had. Even when they started dating, it never felt like it would be something that could last, as good as it was it always felt like there was a ticking timebomb on the two of them, so even their quiet moments didn't feel like this, not quite, and to know that they really did have all the time in the world now - it was indescribable and it caused such a warm feeling in her entire body. They could and would be happy together.

"This is real," she echoed his words. "I hope you know I'm going to kill you if you turn out to be wrong," she added against his lips, her voice teasing. "I might ask you this same question a couple of more times, just a heads up." Probably especially during her low moments when her mind would spiral. After all this time, she knew how her brained worked and she was in a good place right now, but she knew it wouldn't last forever, not until she got some help at least, and she would feel like this was too good to be true or too good for her to deserve it. Well, she felt it now too, but in a good way.

#——it's real #——diego chavez (025)

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tymime · 5 years

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I generally consider Gen IV the last good generation of the Pokémon franchise, but really only up to a certain point. I’ve played a bit of Platinum, and it’s... okay. Doesn’t inspire me with wonder like Gens I and II do. And I pretty much gave up entirely on the anime after the Battle Frontier arc.

And looking at the Pokémon introduced then, I really only like Bidoof/Bibarel, Buizel/Floatzel and Riolu/Lucario. Buneary/Lopunny is pretty good, and Gible etc. is okay, but almost all of the rest of them I can’t stand their designs at all.

Of course, I really like HeartGold and SoulSilver, but I guess I’m biased.

Back when I was growing up, the anime was the most important to me, and it still is. I hardly ever played the TCG, as I was more of a collector, and I didn’t even play the games that much because I was so bad at it (although I did complete Silver). I remember that when it came to Pokémon, the online fandom in the early 2000s was mostly concerned with the anime as well, whereas you mostly heard about the glitches and rumors in the games and schools banning the cards. The main reason I preferred the anime was because of the characters. Ash, Brock, and Misty made a great trio, and Jesse, James, and Meowth are among the greatest sympathetic villain characters of all time, imo. Nowadays you hardly ever hear anybody discuss the anime.

But ultimately the reason anybody becomes a fan of Pokémon is because of the cool monsters. I think sometimes fans forget this, incredibly- too much focus is given to gameplay mechanics and metagaming and competitive gaming, which I really couldn’t care less about. I remember one of my first interactions with a Pokémon fan, way back in 1999 or so, was when somebody asked what my favorite Pokémon was. I told him it was Charmander. And why not? He’s a cute, fire-breathing dragon-lizard thing! His reaction was “But Charmander is weak!”, and all I could do was stare at him incredulously. I didn’t care if he was “weak”, which is an exaggeration anyway. Must I quote Karen?

That’s actually the entire point of Pokémon. Lots of PETA-types didn’t understand this: We’re not forcing them to fight as slaves, we’re making friends with all these creatures. The early episodes of the anime especially emphasized this, culminating in the movie Mewtwo Strikes Back, and it’s message of peace, sacrifice, and love still makes me misty-eyed to this day.

The anime started going downhill as soon as Ash left Kanto for the Orange Islands. We all remember how incredibly dull and pointless Tracy was, and how repetitive and formulaic the Johto episodes were. This was despite how amazingly good the G/S/C games were. It was around this time that the fandom was diminishing, and people who weren’t all that in love with it in the first place started sneering at it and saying it was “for little kids” and “uncool”. I remember Digimon fans were especially obnoxious about it. Here’s the thing: It might sound a bit shallow, but I don’t think I would’ve become interested in Pokémon if the monsters didn’t look cute or cool. I’m very keenly aware of what kind of character designs I like, and if I don’t like the way a cartoon looks, there’s absolutely no way I can get into it. Lots of people are gonna hate me for this, but I find the vast majority of Digimon to be downright butt-ugly. They’re mostly wrinkled and lumpy and look as though they’re made up of leftover puppet parts. There’s a tiny amount of them that I actually think look decent, but not nearly enough to make me want to watch the show.

But that ties into what happened next- when the Gen III games were coming out, I was looking forward to it, but I was disappointed in how unappealing some of the Pokémon designs were, especially the legendaries. I thought they looked more like Digimon. I don’t see anybody else who has this view. Sure, occasionally I see someone complain “They don’t look like Pokémon anymore!” but they’re always shot down with the rationalization “Who says what Pokémon look like is set in stone?” It’s not a good idea to slowly drift the art direction of an ongoing franchise with an established look and continuity. It’s what makes for a TV series suffer from Early Installment Weirdness and Seasonal Rot, among other things. Things like Mickey Mouse and Looney Tunes can get away with this because they don’t have an established canon, but a series like Pokémon shouldn’t start looking weirder and weirder. I remember having high hopes for the Hoenn episodes of the anime, hoping that the fresher, more sophisticated animation would bring the series out of its doldrums and return to the more heartwarming, personality-driven stories of it’s golden age. For a while it seemed like this would be the case- Ash seemed wiser and more experienced at first and the Pokémon were showing more personality. But it slowly but surely entered a long string of indistinguishable contests for May to compete in. Another thing I wish there was more of in the anime is the Pokémon themselves having more personality. Too often they’re just used as battling tools and have few chances to show emotion or interact with the other characters. The Hoenn episodes also made one thing clear: Ash was going to replace his battling team pretty much every region from now on.

This trend flies in the face of the early franchise’s message of friendship. Ash’s Pokémon from yesteryear are hardly ever seen again once they get sent to Prof. Oak or to some other place.

I suspect this new attitude towards the Pokémon is why they’re becoming uglier and uglier. It doesn’t matter what they look like, you just want to train something NEW, right? Something with good stats and EVs?

I've never seen anybody who shares my view about the Pokémon designs from Gen IV and onward. There was a brief period when older fans were saying the new Pokémon were dumb ideas- ice cream cones and garbage bags and key rings aren’t my idea of a cool concept. But then came the whole “Genwunner” backlash. “But Gen I has inanimate objects too! Dont’cha think Voltorb and Grimer are dumb??” people would say. My answer is this: A living Pokéball and a pile of toxic sludge are cooler than keys and garbage. And just because Gen I had a dumb idea like a bunch of eggs doesn’t mean you should repeat it. And of course there’s an excess of foxes, cats, bats, small electric rodents, and cutesy legendaries that look vaguely like Mew. When the Pokémon aren’t stupid or ugly, they’re redundant. And now it seems like older fans are almost entirely silent about their opinions.

I don’t understand why this isn’t a more common opinion. A Pokémon’s visual appeal is absolutely crucial and yet they still continue to look inorganic, cluttered, and awkward looking with every new generation. There’s only a handful of recent Pokémon that ever get fanart, and 100% of the time the fanart is better drawn than the official version.

This seemingly coincided with the American dubbers having the brilliant idea of replacing the entire voice cast of the anime to “celebrate” the tenth anniversary. It was difficult watching the anime after that, and I only stuck around because they were revisiting Kanto. After that, I stopped watching it entirely. It got worse, of course- Ash was redesigned and looked almost entirely different. The eyes are the windows to the soul- if you ask me, by changing Ash’s windows, they changed his soul.

The Pokémon franchise was dead to me by then. As far as I’m concerned the whole series is a shambling zombie, a shell of its former self. And with the anime using retconning flashbacks and remaking the first episode and Mewtwo Strikes Back, the anime has split into two different continuities anyhow. And yet people still try to defend it, even older fans, which boggles my mind.

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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662

What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? It’s one of the default Mac wallpapers, but I picked the shot with a pinkish hue, because pink. The default ones are already pretty enough, so I don’t feel the need to scour the web for the perfect wallpaper image. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? I’m currently wearing a romper. It’s just plain sky blue. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? As an Asian, I can tell you baby showers are hugely a first-world thing. I think the more hip, Western-influenced, and upper-middle millennials and Gen Z Asian crowd can have the means to do them, but it’s like 90% not a thing here. In a region where there’s poverty in front of you, only the rich can pull them off; and for most of us, the biggest concern is that the baby remains healthy. Who is the person you text the most in your life? What relation are you? Gabie, probs. Girlfriend. Angela, my best friend, comes a close second. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? Chinese > Mexican > Italian > American > French. I think I only like French cuisine for their pastries and escargot, but that’s about it.

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? Yeah. I still get confused about it from time to time, so eventually I just slapped the term demisexual on me and by far it’s been the most fitting for me. Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? No? If anything I get worried a lot more because she comes home a lot late, and it always turns out to be because she spends the entire evening gift-shopping for family, friends, and co-workers hahahaha. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? I don’t really have a favorite fast food place anymore... if it counts, maybe Yellow Cab? They have a yellow and black color scheme, like the literal yellow cabs of New York. Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? I don’t mind them; I don’t think of them in terms of being ~sexy lmao. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Nah I’m usually the short one who needs people to reach stuff for me. Do your siblings bring people around that your parents don’t approve of? Mmm nope, not really. My mom loves my sister’s boyfriend, and as far as I know my brother doesn’t bring anybody home. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Hardwood. I don’t know if there’s any Filipino home that has carpet floors. Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? As much as I hate this habit of mine, I tend to want to know the smell of everything. I only check the texture if I think it’s going to be satisfying, like if it’s anything like slime or sand. Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a trophy? How did you do this? Nope. I don’t think I’ve already even held a trophy before. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? I only follow one superstition that has something to do with my school, but that’s it. I don’t obsess over it and I know it’s fake, but ‘following’ what the superstition says hasn’t gotten me in trouble in my last four years in university, so I just continue following it HAHA. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? I do hate it but fortunately a lot of people are now more sensitive when it comes to mental health and mental health issues. I don’t hear this word thrown as much as it was in like 2011 anymore. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Nah, no reason to. I’ve only had X-rays of my spine taken. Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? Never did. I was never into the whole apocalypse/disaster/wartime genres. What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? I don’t have headphones. And I also don’t have earphones anymore :( I want a new pair soooo baaaaadddd. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? I’ve never choked on solids, but I’ve choked on water several times, when the droplets get stuck in your throat and your lungs get all confused and you’re left gasping for air but you just choke some more because the water in your throat blocks any air from coming in, so you end up coughing to near death. The last time this happened was during a lunch break in my INTERNSHIP, and it was so embarrassing because I couldn’t tell them what was happening, I was just coughing frantically and slowly turning red lol.

Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? Yeah, the girl in front of me in the class list was I think Kaira, and the one after me was Kaye. I was friends with Kaira throughout high school and we still are today, but back in kinder she used to be my bully. But during recess, I usually sat beside a girl named Raegan, who was one of my good friends for a while. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? I don’t think so. Has anyone, including yourself, forgot it was your own birthday? On my 18th birthday my high school friend group completely forgot. It makes me feel like shit every time it’s brought up, so we’re not bringing it up tonight. Chocolate or strawberry birthday cake? Choose one. Chocolate! Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? I loooooove me some vegetables – I’d try all of them in a heartbeat. My favorite is broccoli. And I hate most fruits, but I’ll give an exception to avocado. Do you abbreviate things way too often? Do you get called out on it? Not really, I just use the usual shortcuts – lol, lmao, rn, tbh, idk. My mom would get confused sometimes and ask me for the meaning of some abbreviations I use, but she doesn’t ‘call me out’ on it. Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? Hahahaha no, because I never wanted to join and it’s one of those things I’d never allow myself to be in no matter how much my mom forced me. What is the funniest conjunction you use throughout your day? ...Are conjunctions supposed to be funny? Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? Nope. Does the dentist calm you or does it tend to stress you out? I like the dentist. I’ve never had big issues with my teeth (save for my worst ever toothache last year), so the idea of having my teeth cleaned and treated is actually pretty calming to me. The one time it ever stressed me out was when my dentist had to extract a dead tooth and he had to put three injections on the roof of my mouth. It was the first time I’ve ever caught myself literally shaking in fear, huhuhuhu. If you had to choose, which is the worst movie you’ve ever seen? Jack and Jill, for movies that are objectively bad. But in general, Knives Out was a big fucking waste of my time and money. Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? When I say sorry for bumping into them D: Do you like movies that are originally based on children’s books? Not all of them. Some were hits for me like Charlotte’s Web and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and some I didn’t really care for, like Coraline. Is your hair more thick or thin? Is it more curly or straight? THICK. So thick I could never pull off a bob, even though I’ve had the desire to adopt it as my look for a while now. It’s straight but it’ll sometimes be wavy. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: Raised moles. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Uhhhh I’m okay with meeting new people but it still depends on their crowd or the air that they carry around them. If I have a meh feeling about them or if their body language initially rubs me off the wrong way, I’d be hesitant. With my situation now, I usually say hi, tell them my name, we exchange our courses, then we talk about school stuff to break the ice. Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? Not really. Ariel has since showed me that it wouldn’t mean much, so I never actively wanted to be a mermaid. If you had to choose, which celebrity would you date out of all of them? Kristen Stewart or Hayley Williams. Do people feel sorry for you for no reason? Have they ever? I don’t think so. Idk, idk how people feel about me. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? I never liked surveys that go too deep, like those that ask me what I think of socialism or abortion, hhhhhhhh. I answer surveys so I can talk about my dog, say what I learned in school, or discuss who I had lunch with, and not to get all political. Simple yes/no questions can also be annoying so most times I elaborate. Who would you take with you on a stranded/deserted island? Maybe Gab? She’s super smart and resourceful and makes everything work haha. Do you have your own personal boom box in your bedroom? No. I was too young to want to have one. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? Probably not. I can’t even cross the street without holding on for dear life to my friends’ arms lmaoooooo. What would you say is the worst part of high school period? Adjusting. I took a while to, and when I hadn’t yet, it was the worst. I was left out of everything, had no opportunity to figure out who I was or what I needed at the time, and nothing and no one approached me unless I did so myself. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I don’t like apples. Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? I never wanted to be a doctor as a kid, but now I do see the point in going to med school. I’ve always liked and been good at memorizing names and terms, and biology is my favorite subject along with history, so a part of me thinks what could have happened if I pursued some specialization of med. As for hospital shows, I’ve never seen one. What do you think of all these reality shows that try to alter personality? I’m not sure what they mean? Don’t they all do that? Reality TV personalities always seem like much exaggerated versions of themselves. Where are your favorite pair of shoes in the whole world right now? I wear it too much but my Onitsuka Tiger sneakers are a k e e p e r. So comfy and such a classy-looking pair. Do you live anywhere near a mall? If you live in the Philippines, there is an 80–90% chance you live near a mall. In my case, I just live quite far from the main entrance of our gated village so it’s a bit of a drive; but the village itself is like two minutes away from one mall, four minutes away from two others, and five minutes away from still another one. Malling is pretty much the national pastime, so we’re loaded with them. Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? They’re pretty harmless, I don’t see why they should be deemed as overrated lol. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? Gabie. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? I’ve never formally baby-sat someone, actually; at best I was put in charge of my younger siblings and cousins and looked out for them and took up the position of the responsible older sister whenever our parents weren’t watching. But to me it was already kinda like babysitting based on what I’ve seen in American TV hahahaha, and I always liked that sort of task. Do you ever have those ‘ah ha!’ moments? Do those annoy you? If the a-ha moment meant I was stupid in the past, then yes it would annoy me. Like for example if I’m driving somewhere and already far from home, then had an a-ha moment that I forgot something important back at the house, then I’d be pretty pissed with myself. But if the a-ha moment was something like a realization, I’d be relieved to have it. Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? YES I HATE that about myself. I’ve lost earphones, my Hydro Flask, my yellow pad paper, readings, jackets, hair ties, socks, and school IDs because of it. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? I don’t eat lunch meat. When is the next time you’ll eat a cupcake, if you know when? I have no clue :( Cupcakes are one of my favorite desserts though, but they’re just so hard to find or get. Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? The last time I bought socks was like 2015, back when they were a trend here for some reason. It has a bacon and eggs design, and I actually just wore them the other day haha. Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? I’d look up at the sky, but not on grass. I find it itchy. When do you normally go to sleep on the weekends? Depends on what and how much I did during the day and how tired I am. Like just earlier (Friday evening) I was passed out by 9:30 because I stayed up til 2 AM working on a Powerpoint and had to wake up at 6 in the morning to continue working. But other nights I could stay up till midnight. Have you ever met someone with the same ‘biggest fear’ as you? I haven’t met anyone afraid of knives and injections and any sharp stuff like me, no. Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other? We don’t do movie nights ever, which I recently and finally realized when we did sit down and watch Titanic together a couple of weeks ago lmaaaaaaaaao. It was honestly really fun doing it and I remember remarking that we in fact never did movie nights in the last four years. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pen. It’s just more convenient for me. Pencils get blunt as you use them, and I’m too impatient for that. Do you like candy bars? Are you trying to slack off of them? I honestly have nothing against them, but given that I have several many relatives who work overseas and have brought home candy bars as pasalubong (gifts) in the last 22 years of my existence... you can imagine how tired I can get of them. What is your favorite number? Is it significant with your life? 4. Not really. It just reminds me of Beyoncé and happier days haha. Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? Yup. That’s why I never walk outside at night except when I’m at a mall or in school. I just drive everywhere. Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades? No. Whenever I struggled in school it was always just due to either 1 or 2 subjects, so there was no reason to ring up our adviser as it was never that worrisome in my case. I was never failing all my classes at the same time, basically. In the next twenty minutes, what will you be doing and where will you be? Maybe another survey or watching BoJack Horseman? Idk. It’s 3:44 AM and I’m pretty awake so I dunno if I’d still want to sleep. Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? Showerrrr. It’s quicker, plus it’s what I do more often. Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? This was me as a teenager because I thought it would be cool to be edgy and have a different opinion than everyone else BLECK please delete that person lmfao. But now, hmmm the way I’d explain it is that in the case of e.g. being pro-choice, LGBT, critical of the Catholic Church, basically the more liberal ideas, I seem to be in the majority opinion about relevant issues on the Internet/social media.

But I live in the Philippines, where society is still mostly traditional, conservative, modest, and disapproving of a lot of the progressive stuff happening in the rest of the world – hell, divorce isn’t even legal here. That said, a lot of my views which would otherwise line up with those on social media or those in like US or Canada or Europe would get me a lot of hate and criticism in the Philippines, especially among the older generation. Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? Yeah we threw one for Dave a few years back. My friends also threw an advanced surprise party for Raf on my actual birthday, and I was too hurt about it so I didn’t attend. What would you say your average word per minute time is on the keyboard? We did this in class once for fun when we weren’t really discussing anything, and if I remember anything I hit somewhere between 70-80 words. What is your least favorite class in school? Why is this? Chemistry, calculus, and trigonometry. So fucking useless. Do you bite your fingernails or tap them on desks? I tap my nails onto desks. I only bite them when I’m anxious. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I wanted to learn the drums but never explicitly wanted to be in a band. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? No role models for me. Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? No. We’re close, but we’re also busy, so the only time we get to catch up is when we get to have family lunches/reunions. Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? Not at all. All of my friends’ parents have been lovely. Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? Nope. When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? I dunno actually. I don’t really have to pick up a book to read for a class right now. Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite? Non-fiction. I don’t have a favorite but I will sit down and read any biography you offer me. Do you constantly have to be told to shut up? By who? No, and that would hurt, I think. I have friends who I lowkey think are too talkative for my social battery, but I’d never tell them to shut up. Do you know how to play pool? Are you any good at it? Nah. I don’t even know how to swing(?) the cue. Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? Yeah, I always try to. I always assume or imagine they’re going through something, so I always try to be a little kinder. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was quiet, neither mean nor sweet. I didn’t make trouble at all but I wasn’t exactly the most darling of kids either haha. I was just too shy to move or talk. Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? I’d get in one if I have to, but I don’t thrive on them. How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? I don’t have to make a big spectacle about it if I don’t like someone for whatever reason. I can still be polite and civil if I have to interact with them. < Pretty much. The one way someone would know (if they even notice at all) is that if I would do anything and everything to avoid having to talk to them. Would you say you’re someone who likes to cuss a lot? I say shit and fuck pretty often. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? My entire relationship is a glaring answer to this. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? I don’t know if my dad has one. He has close friends, but not sure about a best friend. If you had to, where would you get a tattoo at? Why? Inner wrist, but I know that would hurt so I might just settle with having no tattoos ever haha. I picked it becauuuuse, idk, it just seems pretty intimate to me. How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? It was the newest model when I got it so it cost like P45,000 or a little less than $1000. Would you say you hang out with people the majority of your life? Yes. For the last 18 years my life has revolved around going to school, so I’m allllllways around people. What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? I’d be pissed and try to hunt down whoever dyed my hair in my sleep, but then afterwards I’d assess if it suits me or not HAHAHA. It’s dyed anyway, so I might as well make sure I look good with it. Do you ever look in the mirror and name all of your flaws for no reason? Yeah, especially the ones on my face. Doesn’t get to happen a lot but I’d do it occasionally. Are you getting sick of the reality show Survivor? Why? I never watched it, but I’m surprised it’s still on. < This. Do you usually explain to people why you do the things you do? It depends what I do but generally, I’m not weird or crazy or daring enough for me to have to explain myself to people all the time. In contrast, I have an org-mate who’s a little on the...experimental side, and we have caught him trying to drink glue or stabbing himself with a pen. He always says he just wants to know how it smells/tastes/feels like, depending on the situation. We’re all lowkey concerned about him though lol. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? We didn’t, because I don’t live in America. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Anything that had me getting pricked, so like platelet count tests and the one time I needed to get IV placed on my wrist. I’m WINCING just thinking about them. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Love Poptarts, my favorite is the chocolate one. We don’t get a lot of flavors here, hence the basic choice. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? Never. Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? I like quiet people who can get chatty and loud when necessary. Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ In terms of who I find attractive? Not really, looks still matter to me. When is the next time you’ll see someone who is pregnant? I only know one person who is and I only see that girl like once a decade lmao so I have no clue if I’ll see anyone else who’s pregnant. Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? No, unless it’s the exact same thing I’ve been doing. Where is your favorite piece of electronic equipment? It is on the drawer next to my bed. Where is the person who ‘owns your heart’ at this moment in time? She’s in her dorm, all passed out considering it’s 4:40 AM lol. Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? Hell no. I’d tell them they’re completely mistaking me for a different person, because I don’t enter the kitchen at allllllll. Would you say you’re a fast texter, or are you pretty slow? I’m fast. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? Nacho Cheese is fine with me. Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? I don’t have any enemies. < Yep. Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? Sure. It comes with being a journ student lmao. Does it freak you out when the police drive by your house? I live in a private village so this never happens. I do get paranoid when I’m driving and there’s a police car coming from behind me, though. Are you someone who tends to take a whole lot of naps? Not really. I always have a lot of work to do so I can’t nap even though I would want to. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? I’m fine with Robyn. I’ve gone by it since I was four. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? Eh not really. I usually don’t think of my Sunday outfits until I’m actually already in front of the closet anyway. I never feel like making an effort for church. What is the color of your favorite pair of pants? What brand are they? Blue. No clue, but they’re mom jeans. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? Nah. I’ve never heard Paramore on a commercial. Do you ever promise pc4pc on Myspace then never return the favor? I never did Myspace. I’m vaguely familiar with the slang, though. What is one song right now that really gets on your nerves? That new Demi Lovato ballad. Bless her for allowing herself to be vulnerable on that track, but for the most part I cannotttttt stand her voice. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2014, a lot of things seemed to fall into my lap back then, and I was simply happy and satisfied. Do those annoying infomercials ever draw you in to buy things? I have never been convinced to buy anything they sell but I WILL spend hours watching the commercials just because of how entertaining they are. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Speeding isn’t an issue here tbh. If it was nearly everybody would be pulled over, I think. Common reasons for being pulled over are like making illegal u-turns, overtaking on a solid double line, or being caught driving when your car is under coding for that day. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? Nope.

#survey #surveys

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theherondaels · 5 years

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Oh No (A Soy Luna Next Gen Fanfic)

This is the long deserved update! And not just any, nope, let's hear Andrés POV.

Also today is Stella's bday (well, in 7 years, imao) so yay!

Have fun reading!!!

10. Bodyguard

Stella hadn’t been the only one who had gotten up earlier. In another part of the city, Andrés slowly opened the door of his room, careful to not make sudden movements. He had already made it halfway down the stairs when he noticed that the light was switched on in the living room, illuminating the lower half of the staircase.

Andrés stopped dead in his tracks. His mother and sister shouldn’t be up for another hour, so it could only be his father that was awake. Andrés’ lips pressed into a hard line. Management, or the devil, as the teenage boy liked to call it, had probably already demanded damage control.

He didn’t bother to be quiet anymore, soon standing in the living room. At first his father said nothing, too preoccupied with drinking his coffee. “Good morning,” Pedro then said with a smile, putting down the blue mug. Andrés’ brow ceased. “Morning,” he replied way less enthusiastically. He just stood there, waiting for his father to address what happened with Stella yesterday, but he didn’t.

Pedro’s eyes wandered from his already school dressed son to the clock. “Why are you up so early?” Trying to avoid WWIII.

Andrés could ask him the same question, but he didn’t, as the reason didn’t really interest him. “I’ll have to meet up with a few classmates for a project. They don’t want to stay after school, so we have to discuss it before classes begin,” he lied swiftly, having constructed his words last night. His father nodded, totally believing the lie, gaze on the clock again.

“But you still have time for breakfast, right?” His look was a tad too concerned.

“Not really,” Andrés was already slinging his black backpack over his left shoulder. “I have to take two buses earlier if I want to be there on time,” he continued.

“But I prepared a little breakfast that’s right in here.” He turned a bit to the left so his father could see the backpack. “So, no need to worry, Mom,” Andrés teased with a small grin.

“Be glad I’m sitting here and not your mother.” His father had a point there. Mom was definitely not as easy to lie to and she would have forced him to have breakfast, no ifs or buts would have been accepted. How reassuring, indeed.

“On another day I would have offered to you to drive you there, but management called. They’ve booked us more hours in the studio, they want the new album to be finished by May,” Pedro explained why he was already sipping his second coffee.

Andrés rolled his eyes at that. Rollerband’s management really had surreal deadlines sometimes. “Splendid,” was his comment.

“So, what’s this project about?” Pedro asked, while pouring more milk into his coffee. “It’s for history,” Andrés answered, as his first two lessons really were history today, but he more tense now. He didn’t like this where this conversation was going. At all.

“History, huh?” his father questioned rather amused. “Is the topic Ancient Rome?”

The tone Pedro had used let the alarm bells in Andrés’ head ring. That had been clearly too amused, too knowing.

“And are you sure the class is not chemistry?” Pedro added mercilessly. It was in this moment that Andrés realized that his father knew exactly what had happened yesterday.

He sighed out of annoyance. This was just unnecessary. “So, you know,” the teenager stated plainly. "Well, yes," Pedro laughed, "it's hard not to. Your behaviour was too strange last night and Gastón bombarded the group chat soon after. Besides, you seemed happier the last few weeks, figured it had to do with your new skating partner. Seems like was right."

The grin Andrés received was unnerving.

He crossed his arms. “And what does the devil want?” That call surely hadn’t been just about more studio hours. “Don’t use that name for them. They’re the reason you’re living in this house,” Pedro chided.

“It’s because you and your bandmates can sing,” Andrés pointed out the obvious. Pedro ignored his son’s sarcastic words.

"And they might thank you, actually," the drummer added. “Why would they do that?" Andrés asked, voice full of suspicion. "Turns out Rollerband is trending everywhere - along with that ship name of yours.”

“Stella and I got chased through half Buenos Aires and all they care about is popularity?” Andrés asked, the anger he felt echoing in his words.

“I’m not saying what the paparazzi did was okay, but publicity like this is still good publicity. And don’t you think good news from you will make them more amicable towards you?” Pedro had chosen his words carefully, but to no avail.

Andrés now wished his mom was already up, while it sometimes could be a little embarrassing how protective she was of him and Marina, he knew she would always be on his side, no matter what. His dad was too much of a people pleaser to truly pick one side, which for Andrés felt like as if he wasn’t on his side at all. And that hurt. A lot.

“Glad I could help," Andrés' tone reeked of sarcasm, disliking that his personal life was benefitting his father’s band in any way. He was sure the devil was ecstatic, finally some good news from him. The teenager sometimes felt as if they disapproved of everything he did just on principle. It was almost like they needed to have a black sheep among the Rollerband kids. Andrés had no problem being the scapegoat, he didn’t care what everyone, and especially them, thought about him.

A bitter taste started to spread in his mouth. He wished it was from his own coffee.

“If they even try to suggest anything regarding seeing Stella I will stand in their office before they can even end the call.” Andrés warned, meaning every word of it.

A knowing grin hushed over Pedro’s features. “You really must like her.”

Like? Andrés almost scoffed. He had always thought Stella was pretty, his confusing feelings towards her only getting stronger over the years, so he had started to skip the birthday celebrations both attended by their families, no excuse too outlandish for him.

Still, he had been absolutely thrilled when Tamara had told him his skating partner was going to be Stella. His best friend Fabián had asked him if he could drop that smiley face the next day during school, saying it was honestly a bit creepy.

Andrés hadn’t been bothered, to engulfed with the idea that the universe was giving him more or less a second chance with Stella. He had to make up for the lost time and talk to her. And talk to her Andrés did. He was like the moth drawn to her fire. He couldn't really explain it - nor did he want to, he hated it when people knew too much about him.

The silence of his son only let the grin on Pedro’s face only grow bigger.

“I really should get going now.”

“One more thing,” added Pedro hastily. Andrés stopped walking and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms, expecting the worst. If this was his father’s attempt to give him the talk, he was already failing miserably.

"Will you attend Stella’s quinceañera? Because, well, your mother and I expected you to be busy that day," he explained, a shark-like grin making its way to his face, "But in turn of recent events..."

“I don’t think her dad would like that,” Andrés dodged the question. Unless he was absolutely sure what he and Stella were exactly he would refrain from making such statements.

"Speaking of Matteo…” His father bursted into laughter, “do you want a bodyguard?"

Instead of an answer Pedro got an annoyed sigh. “Bye, Dad!” Andrés began walking down the stairs. "You can bring her over for dinner anytime," his father yelled after him. And while Andrés had rolled his eyes at the statement, he was secretly glad that he had his father’s approval.

It didn’t take him long to reach the bus station. When the bus arrived, he managed to get a seat in the back. This bus was less full than the one he normally took, still could feel the stares on him.

With his phone already in hand, Andrés went on twitter, trying to distract himself.

At first there only pictures and various “Oh my god, I knew it!” reactions. Andrés couldn’t help but grin at the photos. Though, he was almost a bit disappointed that the hickey was covered by Stella’s hair.

While he told himself that the hickey had been a pure product of heat of the moment, he knew deep down that the unbelievable audacity of Lola bringing up Stella’s childhood crush on Luis had contributed as well.

Andrés scrolled further down, seeing a tweet he wished he could bleach from his brain.

I bet it’s a stunt. Their fathers are probably working on a song right now.

He exited the app immediately after. The teenager suddenly had the strong urge to text his father, asking if such a project was on the horizon. With Rollerband’s management it even could be planned at this very moment.

"I hate this band," he muttered lowly, no trace of sarcasm in his voice.

Andrés had always despised it that his private life was so out in the open, but now he had to read someone invalidating his feelings, saying it was only for publicity, and that was way worse. Andrés blocked the account, not caring if management would throw a fit later.

He focused on the pictures again, the uneasy feeling soon gone.

The teenager almost missed his stop, too busy writing Stella a text. He walked towards the school and stopped near the entrance, checking for a reply from Stella.

Soon he was joined by other pupils, the stares resurfacing. Thankfully, the bus containing his friends, well, he would only consider Fabián a friend, the rest were better descried as acquaintances, arrived.

The group of 4 people made its way towards him. “So, what happened with Stella?” Alicia was the first to speak. “Not even a hello?” Andrés started, “also, what makes you think I’ll tell you anything?”

“See? I told you!” Fabián grinned. In fact, he hadn’t told them much. Alicia had already questioned him on their ride to school, but Navarro had remained silent. The blonde waved him off with her hand. “Whatever. Twitter basically exploded. I want details.”

Andrés suppressed a groan. He had escaped his sister for this?

“God, you sound like my mom,” Eloísa complained. “She’s in gossip mode,” Rafael explained his sister’s behaviour. “As much as I hate to disappoint, you won’t get any details.” Andrés ruined Alicia’s hopes of getting insider information.

"I mean, I don't even want to know.” Rafael scrunched his nose up. Eloísa held her hand up. "Same," the redhead agreed. Both were now receiving a glare from Alicia.

"But is it true that the paparazzi chased you two?" Alicia still asked. “They did and let's just say that they didn't catch everything," was all Andrés said, a slight grin appearing on lips.

"No wonder you're so pleased," Fabián realized, knowing how much joy it brought his friend to mess with the paparazzi.

“Wait, what did they-“ Andrés ignored the rest of Alicia’s sentence, his phone vibrating in his left pocket. He fished it out, seeing Stella's reply. "Oh my god, someone take a photo. You can see the dimples," Rafael exclaimed rather loudly, earning a pointed look from the black-haired boy. "I'm sorry, Andrés, but you're so gone," Alicia laughed.

“You'd make a great couple, though," Rafael then chuckled. Andrés sighed annoyed. Álvarez really had no tact whatsoever. Of course, once he had finally truly forgotten about it, Rafael had to bring it up again.

He had lost more sleep over this than he'd like to admit. However, he was relieved that the younger boy thought that. Less competition.

"If I'm still alive after today," Andrés commented, thinking of his father’s words. "Hey, if I survived Eloísa's dad, you can do this," Fabián tried to encourage his friend, but quickly looked over to his girlfriend, "no offence." Eloísa just shrugged, lips twitching into something that could be considered a smirk, "It's fine. He said he did go easy on you, though." All colour drained from Fabián's face, "Easy? I wanted to die the entire time!" he exclaimed truthfully.

"But unlike me, Andrés can throw some witty comebacks," Fabián then said, trying to encourage Andrés. "Honestly, I think that would only speed up the process," Alicia mused.

"I'm still here, you know," Andrés stated annoyed. “Actually, nevermind, class starts soon. See you all later.” Various goodbyes were said in his direction, Andrés disappearing in in the school building.

#fic: oh no #soy luna #soy luna next gen

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hailqiqi · 6 years

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Skirting Katabasis

Rating: T

No Trigger Warnings

Pidge & Keith Friendship, Pidge/Lance Romance

So! This is my piece for the @pidgebigbang! This piece is kind of my baby and I'm really excited to be able to finally share this story.

Mad love goes to @ibupony, my hard-working artist for this Bang who drew this fantastic piece for a later chapter, and @sp4c3-0ddity, my long-suffering beta! Special Credits

Shout outs to @mistyhollowpro, @octaviainthewasteland, @potato-person and @radiantcerulean for their encouragement!

The concept for this fic was heavily inspired by A Study in Relevancy by @some-cookie-crumbz. (It's a fantastic Kidge one-shot. Go read it.)

The implementation of the paladin bonds was inspired by the epic gen fic Truce by Kyanve. (Go read this too. It's incredible.)

Certain phrases shamelessly stolen from Reem's vast collection of gen and plance works, which are well worth paying homage to.

Now, without further ado!

Chapter One: She Forgot to Expect the Important Things

Read it on AO3 here.

5,602 words.

Sinking into the sheets had quickly become Pidge's favourite part about going to bed. The sheets on the castle were ridiculously soft and the duvets were plush and fluffy, like how you always imagine clouds should feel if they were warm and not composed of ice water. Altean duvets were warm from the instant they touched your skin, making cocooning yourself in them feel like an act of extravagant luxury. (Pidge hadn't figured out the why yet, but it was on her list. She suspected they could share something in common with the thermoregulators in their body suits.)

The worst thing about going to bed was knowing that she'd have to wake up early (which was, really, the only reason she bothered going to bed at a decent hour at all) and knowing that she could be summoned by the alarm at any time. The second worst thing was the knowledge that nightmares were all-too-common and it was often all-too-hard to fall asleep in the first place, but she was exhausted from the final performance of The Voltron Show earlier and well... She had the others for nightmares. That was one of the best things about being part of Voltron — you never had to be alone if you didn't want to be.

Yawning, Pidge rolled herself up in the duvet and nudged Green sleepily with her mind to say goodnight, receiving a small nudge of amused fondness in reply. She could tell that Shiro, Allura, Lance and Hunk were all safely ensconced in their own beds, and they were passing through an allied quadrant where the chances of attack were low. It was a good night for sleeping.

...Or, it was meant to be.

Pidge cracked one eye open and glared at the wall, as if the force of her glare could make the blue flashing stop. When it didn't, she let out a sigh that was more of a groan and wriggled around under the covers, trying to keep as much of herself in the warmth as possible while she stuck a bare arm out and retrieved her tablet. Who the quiznak would be ringing her at this hour?

"Pidge! Uh... Are you there? It's too dark to see anything."

"Hang on..." Pidge flipped over onto her stomach, blanket still over her head, and placed the tablet carefully on the pillow before reaching up to flip her fairy lights on. "Better?"

"All I can see is your nose..."

He was right. The little square showing her own image looked not unlike the Emperor from Star Wars, if the Emperor had been young and bathed in a warm yellow glow rather than sickly blue.

"Keith, I was almost asleep. I really don't care right now," Pidge said, yawning for emphasis. "What's up? And if you're going to tease me about The Voltron Show again..."

"No, no!" Keith said hurriedly, a smile tugging at his lips. "The big finale was pretty good though. We watched it at Headquarters."

Pidge smiled in reply. "So?"

"I actually had something else I wanted to ask you about..." Keith glanced left and right before continuing. "Your dad helped design The Obol, right?"

"The Obol?" Pidge repeated, curiosity piqued. "The ship they flew on the Kerberos Mission?"

Keith nodded. "Yeah. Your dad helped design it, right?"

"Why are you asking me about The Obol?"

"Pidge!" Keith touched a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes momentarily. "Did your dad help to design it?"

Pidge frowned. "Of course he did, he was the engineer for the mission. He had to know how it went together."

"Okay, so..." He took a deep breath. "Are you familiar with how it goes together?"

"Kind of, but... Keith, why are you asking me all this?"

"I was getting to that."

"Can you get to that quicker? I'm meant to be asleep right now," she griped, pushing her curiosity aside in favour of annoyance. "Why didn't you wait until morning to call, anyway?"

"Don't you love saying 'there are no mornings in space'?"

Pidge snorted and rested her head on the pillow next to the tablet. "Get to the point, man." She yawned. "I can't stay awake much longer."

"Okay, so... I was on a mission with the Blades to a decommissioned base near Olkarion. We were checking to see what was salvageable, and in one of the rooms they had The Obol in pieces."

"Mmm..." Pidge replied sleepily. "That sounds... Wait, what?"

Okay. She was officially awake now.

"They had The Obol, in pieces," Keith repeated patiently. "Like they'd completely taken it apart and it was in a thousand bits, but it was definitely The Obol."

"Wow," she breathed. She wasn't quite sure how to feel. The Obol had embodied all of her father's and brother's hopes and dreams, and a good deal of her own, and she'd assumed it lost forever when the crew was captured. She hadn't even thought to look for it.

"So... Do you think you could put it back together?" Pidge tilted the tablet towards her and looked at him hard. His expression was hesitant, but his eyes were soft...almost pleading.

She smirked. "Who do you think I am, Keith? Me and Hunk can rebuild it, no problem."

"No Hunk," he said firmly. "I want to keep this between us."

"What? Why?"

"It..." He trailed off, looking everywhere but at the camera while he gathered his thoughts. "I want to surprise Shiro with it, and the less people that know about it the better."

"Oh." Pidge frowned. "Would Shiro like that surprise? He might not have the best memories of the ship he was flying when, you know..."

"He's fine when he talks about it," Keith said quickly. "Or... At least he was, when he talked about it. He used to say how much it ended up feeling like home. But he doesn't really talk about it anymore..." He trailed off, eyes downcast as his lips turned down in a frown.

Pidge sighed. "He doesn't talk about much anymore."

"I know. That's why I wanted to surprise him."

"Okay..." She nodded, biting her lip. "It'd be way easier with Hunk on board, but I should be able to do it. Are you sure we can't tell Hunk? I don't think he'd tell."

"Positive. More people keeping secrets would be more obvious in the bond. Plus you're always thinking about one project or another, so it would be easy for Shiro to overlook."

Huh. Well, that made sense. Keith always had been more sensitive to that stuff than Pidge.

Trying to put The Obol back together by herself would be no easy feat, but she'd heard her dad describe the ship and its design a million times. With all the technology at her disposal she should be able to manage it. Or at least, get close enough that she'd only need Hunk's help for a short amount of time, thus minimising the chances of exposure. And if it might help bridge the weird distance that had grown between Shiro and the rest of the team, then the hard work would definitely be worth it.

"Okay then. I'm in."

The base where Keith had found The Obol was on a planetoid only half a varga away from Olkarion (by lion). With the conclusion of The Voltron Show there were a large number of planets and other civilisations looking to join the coalition, and so a preliminary 'Coalition Summit' of sorts had been called on Olkarion. Since both Team Voltron and the Blade of Marmora would be present, it was the perfect opportunity for The Heist, as Pidge had taken to calling it.

Voltron and the Blades were the hosts, so they had to be there to set up. The second day was primarily taken up by arrivals, with the last one scheduled for early afternoon. Discussions weren't due to start until the next morning. That meant Day One could be spent catching up with friends and family, leaving them free to sneak off on Day Two in the late afternoon. As long as they were back by morning they'd be fine, and Pidge figured that they had a fifteen-hour block of time at the minimum.

The hardest part would be getting away from the rest of the team, but with Shiro's odd distance Keith wasn't too worried about giving Shiro the slip and he wasn't expecting anybody else to go looking for him. It wasn't so easy for Pidge, but she'd managed to set Matt up with Lance and Hunk on a 'boys' game night', and she knew that would definitely keep them occupied long enough for her to sneak out (and probably get back, too, but they would likely just end up crashing in Lance's room so they wouldn't even know she'd gone).

That was how Pidge found herself in Green's hangar late that afternoon, going over her checklist for the mission while waiting for Keith to show up. She'd managed to find a disused hangar big enough for her lion in a far-off corner of the castle and set that up for The Great Puzzling (what she'd nicknamed the 'rebuild The Obol project' in her notes), and the bay doors for the hangar had been left open for their return. She was in her armour and had her bayard, just in case the Blade had missed anything during their previous exploration of the base. She'd managed to procure a bunch of the sacks Keith had taken into the weblum to collect the scaultrite (and had a lot of fun with the expansion mechanism), and she had set up a private frequency for them to communicate on during the mission.

Now all she needed was for Keith to turn up, but he was late.

She tapped her fingers against her gauntlet impatiently, tossing up the pros and cons of sending him a message. If he was having trouble getting away from the others, a message might look suspicious.

"Then again, is he the type to forget the time? We never really scheduled our hang outs before," she mused out loud, earning an amused rumble from Green. "He was never late to training, at least..."

The sound of the door opening echoed in the hangar.

"Dude! I've been here for—"

"...Pidge?" Lance stood near the entrance, staring at her with surprise. "Why are you wearing your armour? You're going somewhere?"

Pidge stared back with wide eyes. "Um... I was going to... Uh..." She glanced around the hangar desperately, looking for some quick inspiration. "I got invited by Rynar to check out a city on the other side of the planet, so I was just about to head out!"

"You did?" His shoulders slumped. Pidge thought he looked disappointed, but why would he look disappointed? "How long are you going to be gone for?"

"Um, I'm not sure," she replied, biting her lip. "I probably won't be back until pretty late. She wanted to show me some stuff that's only really useful at night."

"Oh," he answered, one hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. "I guess I'll catch you some other time then."

"Yeah, okay." Pidge hated herself for lying to him. Lance was so trusting — he was always willing to take whatever she said at face value, simply because 'we're teammates, Pidge. Why would you lie to me?' But Keith was adamant that they keep the project between the two of them to minimise exposure, so she had to lie.

Lance shrugged and turned to leave. Pidge watched him go with a frown. Shouldn't he be playing video games right now?

"What did you want, anyway?"

"Oh!" Lance stopped short and spun back around, hand still at his neck and...was that a blush on his cheeks? Why would he be blushing? "I was just gonna ask if you wanted to go and watch the sunset."

"The sunset?" Pidge's mind raced to a halt and her mouth dropped open. "Uh..."

"Well, we were talking about them before, remember? And they're really pretty here, and I know a good spot, and just...thought maybe you'd like to see it... I dunno." He looked away and shrugged, but not quickly enough to hide the deep burgundy of his cheeks.

Pidge's own cheeks were burning, but before she could formulate a reply the hangar doors opened again. Keith walked in and she jumped, trying to act casual. Lance straightened up too.

Keith stopped just inside the doors and looked between her and Lance curiously. "Uh... Am I interrupting something?"

"No! No, no, nothing at all," Pidge replied a little too quickly, hoping Keith wouldn't pick up on how flustered she was. "Uh... Are you ready to go?"

"What the cheese?" Lance's eyes widened. "Rynar invited Keith?"

"Yeah? Why are you so surprised?" Keith raised an eyebrow at him, and Pidge silently thanked Kolivan for Keith's ninja spy training. He was a much better liar than she was.

"You don't even like science! You're worse with tech than I am!" His eyes narrowed as he looked from Keith to Pidge. "Is that why you set up the gaming night thing? So you two could sneak out?"

Pidge froze.

"Lance. Are you crazy?" Keith rapped Lance on the forehead with the back of his knuckles, taking his attention off Pidge and giving her room to breathe. "Rynar invited Pidge, Pidge asked if I wanted to come as a Blade representative. That's all."

"Oh." Lance visibly deflated, and Pidge breathed a mental sigh of relief. Somewhere at the back of her mind, Green was laughing at her. Stupid cat. "Uh, right."

Keith looked to Pidge. "We need to go."

Pidge started. "Yeah! Okay, let's go." Green lowered her head, opening her jaw to admit them, but Pidge hesitated and glanced back at Lance. "Uh, I'll see you later? Make sure you beat Matt for me!"

"Yeah, see ya." Lance waved as he left the hangar, shoulders slumped.

The doors slid shut behind him and Pidge turned to start up the ramp to where Keith was waiting for her, one eyebrow raised. "What?"

Keith shook his head. "Nothing. Let's go."

Green was still laughing at her.

Keith stood just behind Pidge's seat as they went up, but as soon as they broke atmo he started wandering around the cockpit, surreptitiously running his hands over the consoles as he 'checked their course'.

Pidge fought back a smile as she watched him, but there was something bittersweet in it. He still looked wrong in that Blade uniform.

"Do you miss it?"

Keith glanced over at her question, a rueful smile on his face. He looked back at the console before nodding. "I miss the team. I miss Red."

"We miss you too. It's not the same with you gone." To be honest, she was never quite sure what was different, but there was something missing now. "I miss you keeping me company when I'm working."

"I didn't really do that a lot," he replied, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

She shrugged. "Yeah, but I always appreciated it when you did. Sometimes it's nice to have someone there that I don't have to talk to, y'know?"

Keith nodded and looked away, shoulders slightly hunched. Pidge turned her attention back to the viewscreen and Keith began looking around the cockpit again, touching his fingers to the curves of the walls. Not for the first time, Pidge was glad that she hadn't had to change lions. Green was a comforting presence in her mind, a strong support and a guiding hand — she couldn't imagine how lost she'd be out here without her.

Green rumbled in agreement around them, and Pidge smiled softly. Yeah, she wouldn't give up Green for the world.

A sudden thought struck her, and she glanced back over at Keith. "Do you miss Black?"

"Black?" he repeated, taken aback. "No, not really. We didn't have the same connection."

Pidge nodded. "That makes sense. Lance misses Blue, and he says Red misses you."

"Yeah, whenever I come back to the castle..." Keith replied, tapping a finger to his temple with a smile. A moment later his smile turned devious, his eyes twinkling as he asked: "So... What was that? With you and Lance?"

Pidge raised an eyebrow at him. "What was what with me and Lance?"

Keith snorted. "I interrupted a Moment."

"You didn't interrupt anything."

"Sure," he answered, shrugging. "Why was he there, then? What did he want to talk to you about?"

"Uh..." Pidge examined the flight path she was following, carefully avoiding his gaze as she fought to keep the blush from her cheeks. "He asked me if I wanted to go and watch the sunset."

"...Like on a date?"

"No!" she replied, a little too quickly. "He didn't say it was a date. Uh. He just asked if I wanted to go. But obviously I couldn't, because we're going to that base."

"But he had a games night, right? He invited me to join earlier."

"He did? I didn't know that." Pidge was genuinely surprised. Keith had never been much of a gamer, and Lance had never been one for Keith's company. Then again, they did get on a lot better now than they had at the beginning. She suspected they had the potential to be great friends if Lance would only give it a chance.

"Why would you know that?" Keith turned and leant back against the console, arms crossed over his chest.

Pidge shrugged and looked away.

"Is there something going on between you two?" Pidge shook her head and glanced back at him. Keith tilted his head to the side, examining her. "Do you still like him?"

"Huh? I never liked him. Not like that."

Keith deadpanned. "Paladin bond, Pidge. It was obvious. You've liked him for ages." He paused before continuing, tone suddenly much softer. "Did you really not notice?"

"I..." Pidge trailed off, eyes narrowed in thought. Lance was a good friend, but they were friends and that was it. He was too flirty, too goofy, too extra, too tall for her to ever think of as anything more than a friend. Besides, all of her extra energy was taken up with looking for Matt and her dad. She didn't have time for distractions. "What makes you think I like him?"

"Do you want a list?" Keith replied, before raising a hand and ticking each point off on his fingers. "You let him use your stuff. You give him the softest smiles. You blush around him. When you guys make plans you feel happy and excited. People getting in your personal space puts you on edge, but when Lance does it you feel warm. And then you always get jealous when he flirts with other girls."

Pidge blinked. "I don't get jealous! It's just annoying."

Keith sighed. "That's jealousy, Pidge. Paladin bond, remember?"

"I never get anything like that from you," Pidge grumbled.

"Because I know how to keep my emotions to myself. You leak them everywhere," he responded. "We all know that you like him. I think the only person who doesn't know is Lance." He frowned. "And you, apparently."

"Oh, quiznak," said Pidge, burying her face in her hands and letting Green fly herself for a moment. Did she like Lance? She thought back over all the time they'd spent together with a critical eye. Lance was... He was a jerk, but he could be sweet when he wanted to. He always seemed to go the extra mile to connect with her, and she'd always appreciated that about him — even when she couldn't show it.

But did that mean she liked him? How was she supposed to figure that out? Green rumbled sympathetically beneath her feet, helpfully supplying a montage of images — Lance dressed in the Blade of Marmora uniform, Lance leaving the team instead of Keith, Lance's familiar presence in her mind becoming a small, easily overlooked breath like Keith's had.

The stab of pain she felt at the idea told her all she needed to know.

"Oh," she said as realisation hit her. "Oh. I, uh, I guess I do like him." Keith chortled, and Pidge's surprise quickly turned into annoyance. "Why are you laughing? I'm not supposed to like Lance! Keith! This isn't a good thing!"

Keith just laughed harder, and soon he was doubled over and wheezing from the exertion. Pidge glared at him, then turned away to look out the viewscreen. Screw him. If he was going to be like that, she didn't need to talk to him about it. In fact, she didn't want to talk to anyone about it, because she didn't need to like Lance at all, and the more she acknowledged it the more it felt real, so talking was a bad idea.

She couldn't like Lance. No way.

"I'm sorry," Keith finally spoke, wiping at his eyes as he straightened up. "You really didn't know, huh?"

"No," she answered quietly. "I didn't... Ugh. It's just a crush, Keith. It's not important in the long run."

"If you say so," he replied with a shrug. "But if he's asking you to go and watch the sunset, then maybe he likes you too?"

She slid her gaze to him. "Does he?" Did she even want him to? When he looked confused, she tapped her head twice. "You're better at reading the bond than me."

"Ah," Keith answered. "I don't know. I'm not really in the bond now, but his feelings towards you were always pretty positive?"

"He likes Allura." Pidge's heart sank. Thinking about Lance's crush on Allura had always made her feel bad; now that she could put a name to why, it made her feel even worse. The plus side was that that made her annoyed, which was a much better feeling than 'mildly heartbroken'.

"I'm...actually not sure about that? At first, yeah, I guess, but then his feelings towards Allura kinda...stopped being consistent. The whole thing didn't make sense." Keith shrugged again. "But you guys were always pretty close, and Matt said you spend a whole lot of time together... And even I could feel how disappointed he was when you turned him down in the hangar."

Pidge shifted in her seat. "Honestly, Keith, I don't know? He's been acting really...clingy lately."

Keith raised an eyebrow. "Clingy? Isn't that just Lance?"

Pidge laughed at that, and Keith offered her a small smile. "No, he's being more clingy than normal. Sometimes I feel like he's following me around the castle. It started after I found Matt, actually." Her eyes widened at the realisation, and she paused to think about it. "He was kind of sulking the whole time I was showing Matt around the castle, and I thought it was because Matt hit on Allura when he first met her, —" Keith let out a bark of laughter "— but then..."

She trailed off, frowning. The only person who knew the whole story was Lance, and she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to talk to anybody else about it. It wasn't a fun memory to relive.

"Then what?" Keith prompted, his eyes gentle.

Green rumbled sympathetically, and Pidge took a deep breath. "Well, after Matt left I kind of...broke down?" Keith's eyes widened and Pidge hurried to continue. "Not like, a nervous breakdown or anything! And it wasn't because Matt left. It was just... When I found Matt he was on a top secret mission, and the Rebellion had set up a fake grave to cover his identity. He left a coded message on it in case Dad ever found it, and that's how I discovered where he was stationed, but..."

Keith gave a sympathetic grunt. "You thought it was real."

"Yeah. I thought it was real." Her grip on the flight sticks became painful, and she forced herself to relax. "And then I was just so happy that I'd found Matt that I just kind of...pushed it aside? But a couple of nights after Matt left I was playing video games with Lance and it just hit me. And Lance was there for it."

They had been talking about some of the things they missed about home, and Lance had lamented that he couldn't even remember the last time he experienced rain. Pidge, on the other hand, could remember the last time she experienced rain all too well. It was one of those memories that made her wish she could program a way to delete them.

They flew in silence for a few moments, the stats on the display ticking over as they travelled onwards. They were almost at the base now.

"I'm sorry, Pidge," Keith said finally. "I know that hurt."

Pidge nodded, looking away. "I... Thanks." She fell quiet for a moment, then shook her head. "Anyway. That's when Lance started hanging around a lot more. It probably doesn't mean anything."

"Hmm." The planetoid hosting the base was visible in the viewscreen now, and Keith turned to look as the base rapidly grew larger. "The room with The Obol is around the far side, so you should land her over there."

"Okay." Grateful for the change in topic, Pidge pulled on the flight sticks and the Green Lion soared over the base. They landed gently on the bare rock of the planetoid next to a low, dark building without any windows. Pidge checked the scanners before standing up. "Masks up, Keith. Looks like there's hardly any atmosphere here."

"All right." Pidge bent to grab her helmet when a hand on her shoulder stopped her. "Hey, about Lance? He obviously cares about you. You should try and make it up to him. The sunset thing."

Pidge gaped at him as he released her, activating his mask with his other hand. Keith was the last person she ever expected to get relationship advice from. Keith was who you went to when you wanted to know how to disembowel someone cleanly, not how to make friends.

Keith rapped the helmet in her hands in consternation. "What? Put it on, Pidge. We need to move."

The Heist went off without a hitch.

They'd fallen into old habits quickly, covering each other as they cleared each room of the base. Once they were sure no squatters had moved in since Keith's mission with the Blades they hit up the control room, where Keith kept an eye out (more out of habit than anything else) while Pidge copied every byte of data she could find in their servers.

Once that was done, they moved to the room with The Obol.

Pidge hadn't been able to hold back the tears when she first saw it. There, right in front of her, lay her father's pride and joy, the pinnacle of a lifetime's career...in pieces all over the floor. The shell of the ship had been taken off in chunks and was still recognisable, but everything down to the toilet seat had been disassembled into its smallest components and then seemingly thrown at random. She wasn't sure if they were stripping it for valuables or just examining it to see how it worked, but both options made her angry. The Obol was a masterpiece of human engineering. It didn't deserve this.

But, as always, they had a job to do, and there was no time to wallow in sadness. Pidge brought the Green Lion into the nearest hangar and they quickly got to work, carting bits and pieces from the room to the storage bay in Green's underbelly using some boxes and old-fashioned trundle trolleys that Pidge had found on the castle. Some bits were easy, some — like the larger pieces of the shell — required both pairs of hands and a lot of grunting, and others — like the shredded mattresses they found discarded in a corner — brought the anger back and gave them fuel for the next trip.

At one point — two hours in — Pidge had returned from the hangar to find Keith standing at the side, his back to her and his shoulders shaking. He had turned at her approach and held out the item in his hands — a Garrison jacket with SHIROGANE written on the breast — and her heart had stopped.

She hadn't been prepared to find personal effects.

As it turned out, neither of them were. In hindsight, it was an obvious oversight — why would the Galra keep the pieces of the ship, but not the contents? — but both of them had been so focused on bringing the ship back to life that they forgot about things like socks and pencil cases and photographs. After the discovery of the jacket Keith had fetched three boxes and placed them in the centre of the room, and any personal items they came across were silently placed in the corresponding box before they went back to the task at hand. There was no time to waste on tears.

It took them a little under seven hours to stow everything safely on-board the Green Lion. The three boxes were the last things to board, and stayed in the cockpit with them. Pidge took off, set the autopilot, and took one look at the minute shaking of Keith's shoulders before deciding that there was time to wallow after all. The duo spent the trip back kneeling on the hard floor of the cockpit, turning over the items in the boxes and recounting memories, sobbing and laughing in turn as they leant against each other with tears running down their faces.

By the time they broke atmo on Olkarion they had dry throats and red eyes, but the experience had brought them a little closer and given them renewed determination to put the ship together and fix something in the mess that was their shattered lives. For the first time, Pidge wondered if Keith had specifically asked her to help with this project for more than just her technological prowess.

Unloading was much quicker than loading, and by the time they finally disembarked in Green's hangar — sweaty, greasy, and exhausted — the sky was starting to show the first signs of dawn. If they showered and went straight to bed they might get about four hours sleep before they had to be up for their first meeting of the day, and while that wasn't enough neither Pidge nor Keith were ever really expected to contribute much to diplomatic niceties so Pidge at least had that to be thankful for.

They shuffled down the hallways side-by-side in companionable silence, both too physically exhausted and emotionally drained to bother making conversation. Pidge's entire focus was on putting one foot in front of the other — when she got to her room, she was going to have the quickest, hottest shower ever, and then she was going to sink into her warm Altean blanket-cloud and have the best sleep of her life.

She must have muttered that aloud, because Keith let out a short laugh and grunted something that sounded like 'me too'. Or maybe her thoughts were just that loud that even Keith was picking it up over the bond. Whatever.

Nothing was going to get in the way of her and her bed, and she was so close. They were almost at the lounge.

"What the quiznak have you two been up to?!"

Lance's voice shattered the quiet of the hallway, cutting through her thoughts like a knife and making her head throb with pain. Beside her, Keith stumbled and almost fell, evidently as shocked by Lance's sudden appearance as she was. Or would be, if she was awake enough to feel anything but blurry exhaustion.

"Lance...?" she said slowly, squinting at him. "What are you doing awake?"

Lance stood at the turn towards their rooms in his dressing gown, one hand on his hip as he surveyed them with raised eyebrows. "What am I doing awake? What the quiznaking cheesey telephones are you two doing awake? And don't tell me Rynar took you to a club or something, because I won't believe you."

Pidge stared at him, the wheels in her mind sluggishly turning before settling on an answer. "It's a really long story."

She saw Keith minutely shake his head out of the corner of her eye. By the way Lance's expression hardened, she guessed he'd noticed it too. "Care to share?"

"She can't," Keith said, straightening up. "Secret mission." He patted Pidge lightly on the shoulder and started forward down the hall. "The sun's almost up. I'm going to bed."

Lance narrowed his eyes but let him pass with a murmured 'goodnight' before turning back to Pidge, concern and confusion warring in his gaze. All of a sudden Pidge felt very aware of his presence. She wasn't sure if she wanted to run to him or bolt in the other direction, bed be damned.

As the silence ticked on, Keith's advice from earlier sprang to mind, and the words were tumbling out of her mouth before she had time to think about them. "Do you want to go and watch the sunrise?"

He blinked at her. "Seriously?"

Pidge shrugged and shuffled her feet. "I'll need to take a shower first, but yeah?"

Lance's expression slowly blossomed into a wide smile, and Pidge fleetingly thought that it was brighter than any of the stars she'd seen so far. Quiznak.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

For once, the happiness radiating down the bond was palpable to Pidge.

–> Chapter Two: She Forgot to Look More Closely

#pidge big bang #plance #keith and pidge friendship #gimme that brotp #my writing #pidgance #flirtyrobot #lidge #pance #i apologise if the links and read more aren't working because they work on my computer but not the phone and I'm just??? confused

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