#i don’t even know who she is anymore
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I just vented out a whole rant about how aromantisim is treated within Hazbin/helluva. I'm not really sure if I should post it for multiple reasons, one of which being I don't want anyone to feel targeted about it or take it the wrong way (like I honestly dont have beef with Al shippers. Gripes, but no beef as I also ship him on occasion).
There was just a sudden burst of frustration I had with it that I think was in part just came from built up frustration from other things. There's things I'd like to have out there, but I don't really think it'd get far or, again, be just taken the wrong way. I don't see a point in posting if people are gonna ignore it, plus it wouldn't change how things are now. If anyone has any thoughts or are curious let me know, but I don't wanna make anyone feel like shit or put a pointless rant out there no one wanted to see. I also wanna keep rants to a minimum as I know people aren't always into that sort of stuff, especially if you don't follow someone for that and you just get an influx of posts of them complaining. And I still want to keep things relatively light hearted around here, at best maybe just some critiques on things here and there.
It's late, I'm on my phone when I should probably just sleep it off, so sleep it off I will.
#i don't know if I wanna tag any ships#I guess I'm just exhausted with a lot of things#I'd love for shippers to read it to get a bit more insight on the topi c#not to stop them from shipping ofc they can have all the fun with it.#The shipping itself has never been the problem for me.#And lately I don’t even think it's the shippers themselves that I take issue with as much anymore#maybe A part I don’t like how aromatisim is swept under the rug#may I reiterate my “how would it feel if the top ships had Angel only in straght ships” example#But I think it's more how the official media and people are with it.#Viv's statement potentially implying “confirming Alastor as aro would ruin peoples fun” isnt cool#makes it seem like being aro is bad#especially since every other character's orientations were confirmed despite them being irrelevant to the plot#I know thats not what she was trying to imply#but it Unforutnately reads that way#and people who aren't comfy with others shipping him are read as uncool I guess#^i like to think thats the loud minority of shippers talking but idk#might delete later#don't need this clogging up the blog or people's dash#rant#aro alastor#hazbin hotel shipping#hazbin ships#hazbin hotel ship#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel critical#vivziepop criticism#vivziepop critical#vivziepop#hazbin hotel criticism#aroace alastor
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I desperately want to know more about the batfamily lore bc I love them already but it’s??? So complicated???
#I don’t even know how many of them there are#like#there’s#dick grayson#who is also nightwing?#then there’s#jason todd#what tf happened to this man#hes redhood right? I think so#then my fav#tim drake#funnily enough he is my favorite but he’s the one I know the least#like?? he’s Red Robin but also?? not anymore?? what does that even mean#I just know he’s MESSY lmao#oh and then there’s#damian wayne#who’s the current Robin#but he’s also a child assassin??#thats nice#and there’s a girl who is The Oracle and she seems very cool but I can’t remember her name#thats basically all the knowledge about them i have yeah#is there something a can watch/read to acculturate myself?#like… a few fundamental comics or something#there’s a lot of them#a lot#batfam#batfamily
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i have seen too many bad posts like in a row .
#what a terrible time to be incredibly pretentious#the nolan movie discourse is bringing out a lot of things I would rather not see#dragon age circles post that’s going around giving my heartburn and ulcers#meanwhile im reading like genuinely a life changing book and my rat kid won’t stop climbing on me lol#and she received many gifts that are loud and ugly and she turns them all on at once and sets them on my lap while im trying to read#so fun i love it and she also coincidentally NEVER listens to me like not even by accident#not even once like literally in her entire life#i am tempted to just tell her the opposite of what i want her to do so she can just not do it#but i feel like that would backfire on me so i must endure#i just don’t sleep anymore because that’s the only time when i can do things lol#this will be fine and not have any long lasting effects on me whatsoever :)#sorry this turned into just complaining#maybe my period is coming who knows
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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as someone who’s never liked timsteph i find it so funny that i just accidentally talked myself into a revrob au of them. revrob au where war games happens, steph (~15) gets captured & tortured, except this time tim (~16) comes in to try & help but due to [unforeseen circumstances] no one comes as backup, and they’re both tortured, leading to steph’s red hood era via being resurrected somehow by arthur brown and tim’s oracle era brought on via complications due to torture.
tim’s the one person steph won’t target, and steph’s the one person tim can’t really get angry with about killing, because they get it.
#THE ONLY EXCEPTION💥💥💥 except it’s like a kinda horrifically toxic relationship#steph is pissed that tim survived & is still condescending to her via his ‘as long as u don’t target the kids i won’t interfere’ shit#and tim wishes he died instead because now literally everyone knows abt him bc he was publicly kidnapped & recovered#tim was with steph as she died and she’s very grateful for that. tim is annoyed bc she didn’t have to deal w the aftermath like he did#like they have the worlds most unhealthy relationship but also it works bc their care outweighs their hatred#& then u also get fun convos where tim can’t stand damian/b/duke saying that what steph is doing is wrong bc *they weren’t there*#tim drake#batfam#dc#stephanie brown#anyway. i have never shipped timsteph. i dont know where the brainrot came from. i’m having fun here tho#reverse robins#tim becomes a biomedical / doctor esque thing and works in r&d at drake industries 👍#he’s the one steph goes to when she’s hurt. he can’t talk anymore & he trusts that she’ll always listen to him even when she doesn’t want to#anyways. what happened here.#(tim ends up having to kill black mask to escape bc he was held there even after steph died. bc he had info she didn’t.)#(it’d be hypocritical if he got angry at her killing ppl who did bad things.)#i know tim & damian are on good-ish terms when they’re adults but that tim still is fine w steph hunting damian /b/duke#bc ‘he got his chance to chew them out. now it’s her turn.’ i have no clue about literally anyone else yet tho#thoughts
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kind of a milf. reblog
#my brain can’t make metaphorical compositions anymore it’s out of juice but i still want to draw. so#lee sookyoung#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#esha.txt#mycreations#WHO’S EXCITED FOR KDJ LSK ISSUES TIME IN THE WEBTOON IN A FEW WEEKS#i think in about two episodes? we’ll get the kdj has died message?#oh i didn’t properly ref the webtoon so the mask is off a bit but it’s fine#i think she’s a fascinating character btw… like i always think about how her actions w/ kdj are reproduced by him. agh agh agh <- sounds of#me taking damage. also like the way she’s. not just a mother you know? the scene where it isn’t just kdj who can help reconstruct her storie#s. there’s a lot he doesn’t know or understand about her and a lot she’s kept hidden from him Including the big thing. Hehe. That’s soon#Can u believe webtoon onlies don’t even really know kdj’s deal yet…
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Sometimes I remember that my whole house was so obsessed with the show Merlin, that we named the first tree we planted in the yard Merlin.
When it was given to us 11 years ago it was hardly a scraggly stick, and now it looks like a giant bush
Artist rendition
#this is the first year it has like!! actual bark!!!#only the middle/ main trunk#I’m so emotional over this tree you guys don’t even know#he won’t stop growing branches on the bottom#so he just looks like a huge bush when leafed out#then another tree we planted the same year looks like a Maple Tree TM#I love all the trees in my yard#every day when it’s warm enough I tell them all they’re doing a great jobs#and one who burnt during a really hot summer didn’t grow for YEARS#but we didn’t give up on it#no sir#we cut off the burnt limb#we kept telling it that it was doing great#and last year!!! it finally started growing new twigs!!#it grew more than like 5 leaves!!!#and this year so far there’s already a LOT of growth!!!!!!#and one tree I got from a childhood best friend like 5 years ago has absolutely taken off#like holy hell#the tree was a sapling from the tree from her backyard#it was my favourite tree growing up#it’s were we were kids together#guys no you don’t get it#we slowly fell out of friendship and then years later she texted me#‘hey you know that one tree you used to love? do you want a sapling from jt otherwise my mom is throwing it in compost.’#‘she thinks you don’t care about this tree anymore but I know you do’#*sobs*#Spoofy tambles
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the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?
to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.
#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they#already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that.#but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did.#and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe.#but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people.#a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part?#but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt.#anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here#theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never#escape.#i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord.#but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s#physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering��#but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong#its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know?#i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond#their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!!#what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly*#human!!!#enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one.#does that make sense?
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Next time somebody at work asks if I can help I’m just saying no idfc anymore
#I literally cannot help#I always try to help tho even when it’s not part of my job and then they keep coming back with even DUMBER questions#leave me alone#also I’ve just had a week off and this woman won’t fucking leave me alone for AGAIN… something that’s NOTHING TO DO WITH ME#I’m fucking busy catching up fuck off 😭😭😭😭😭#there’s literally a fucking dedicated query email for all this shit and guess what I DONT EVEN WORK FOR THAT TEAM#WHY DO U THINK I KNOW WHAT THE HELL UR ON ABOUT????#I’m looking for a new job this week I hate it so I have no patience for all the idiots anymore#and these are all fucking INTERNAL people not outside people who genuinely don’t know and just have my contact info for some treason#reason#this lady today: when you post these on the system can you add this specific information#me: literally does not and cannot post invoices on the system??#this lady also today: do u know the status of our account with this company#me: does not work for the team where the queries go. has nothing to do with said company#maybe just fucking ask the company yourself#she’s literally calling me rn as I type this LMAOO#IGNORING#rant over hehe sorry :)
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just realized that the last time i saw her & we talked was a yr ago yesterday & do u know what i bought her a christmas present and listened to her tell me abt all of her problems and she spent almost the entire time we were together texting her new friends & then she had to go to a meeting and i walked her over to the building where she had it & she didn’t even turn to say goodbye to me before being abt to go into the building and i was like what are you doing do you want me to follow you and she was like no i’m just going in and i was like ok bye and she was like bye she wasn’t even going to say goodbye to me guys….and there is no way she was not aware in that moment that she was never going to talk to me again on purpose…….the level of demented is incomprehensible.
#michelle speaks#it’s hard when u see someone u really cared abt & who u were there for doing smth that like in the past they would’ve wanted to share w you#and it’s esp hard when like that person is where they r at specifically bc u helped them & supported them & then the second they didn’t#need u anymore they were like bye! and just act like u never existed. like ok. ok.#anyway i truly don’t know why she even bothered to meet up w me on that day anyway. i was like hey i want to see u before winter break#and she was like i’m really busy but i can at x time whatever & i don’t even know why she did that truly#bc she could have just said oh i’m too busy and then not even have seen me. which would have made it less worse#esp bc i could have kept the stupid gift i bought her 🙄 PLAGUES me that she has that. i want it back 😑
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If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.
#I am currently painting clown makeup on my face rn but this is what I’ve been rooting for from the beginning so let me dream#Come on though she HAS to have some other shit going on though right?#She was DEFINITLY in that temple when the Bad Kids said Ankarna’s name#Brennan literally rolled#and we know she was in Porter’s office#so WHY hadn’t she told him Ankarna’s real name yet? We know he genuinely believed Fig found it#Also the BKs couldn’t see who was in the window during the Wanda Childa scene#Which one of the RGs has invisibility?#HMMMM#Wanda saying ‘Kipperlilly? Why are you doing this? Is it because you’re jealous?’ before getting carried off by a fake Porter would let KP#know ‘okay they FULLY saw what happened after I killed Buddy and are onto us’ which would cause her to follow them to the temple#Also…if NONE of the Rat Grinders knew Ankarna’s name then what did Lucy write on her form to change her divinity???#We KNOW it was Ankarna’s name and not the ‘symbol representing her’ because no one could see it BECAUSE the god was dead and no one alive#knew her name#Which means Lucy HAD TO HAVE KNOWN and was keeping it from the others right?#And when she died and didn’t come back they were fucked because they couldn’t even check the form anymore#But#Brennan also said that if Porter WASNT using Devil’s Honey and genuinely believed in Rage And Conquest goddess Ankarna instead of just her#domain then he and his ritual would (maybe) bring her back instead of killing her permenantly so he can take her domain#And idk#A powerful goddess of rage and conquest who despite everything can’t be turned against her sister and ex#who’s resurrection would mean the rune could be broken and Lucy can come back to life#One who has (or had) a personal vendetta against at least one of the bad kids#and a personal vendetta against the people who led to Lucy’s death#that sounds pretty appealing to someone as spiteful and obsessive as Kipperlilly doesn’t it#especially after her best (maybe only real) friend died and didn’t come back#especially if she stayed dead specifically to stop Porter#Again I’m putting my clown makeup on but I don’t want her to be secretly good or anything just unhinged and gay and a parallel to Ankarna#Please world let me have this I’m on my knees#dimension 20
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if this account is still active by college expect updates about my situationship (my rivals/enemies to lovers girlfriend i made up in my head weeks ago)
#i met this girl?? she’s so nice she’s my partner in a few of our classes#help she offered to study with me#theatre class !! i’ll post updates 🫶🏽 im GETTING that lead role#oh i didn’t know she also wanted to audition for this role#oh.#she just?? patronized me?? what#i take it back !! she is not nice and i do not like her <3#she’s so fucking annoying all because she made 2 points higher than me bfr#she spilled her coffee on me in the hallway. i don’t even have a change of clothes#i hate her sm#im being forced to partner with her for the project what 🙁 i will commit#im going to go crazy we actually have to work together i hate working with her okgfjhfjfhf#update: we’re at her dorm because she insisted on not wanting to go to mine kms#WHY IS SHE BEING SO UNCOOPERATIVE. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PROJECT im sonfucking. she’s so annoying#we js got done arguing over who was going to do the writing (im doing the writing 🫶🏽)#im about to go back to my own dorm this is giving me a headache. i literally cannot do this anymore#update: so uh#guess who got laid
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in my beautiful version i think hunt offered claire the lead role in the last duchess in 2016. i love nepotism and cronyism <- that’s their entire relationship if you think about it. but she refused it because: 1. she’s very proud and 2. she actually wanted to build her career first. i think her acting career is literally the only thing in her life that she would not take the easy road. it’s something too dear to her. and well it’s basically all she has. i think claire would hate to have her career defined as a director’s lead actress from that point on instead of a lead actress in a movie period. maybe when she’s more established he can put her in whatever film he wants to. and he will. but anyway she only accepts the role after she gets her first oscar nom in 2018. notice how his loser ass waited three years (release date in 2019)
related to this as well, i think claire would hate to be known as hunt’s something in general. that’s one of the issues she had with marrying him. i mean barely anyone knows they’re together anyway before they get engaged. i do think this is something that kinda stems from the genesis of their relationship, but it’s also a claire thing. like i said, she’s very proud. she gets his surname but you will Never see her referring to herself as Claire H*nt or using his surname in any shape or form. i won’t either. it feels super weird who even is this person. not my beautiful princess Claire Swanson
#oc: claire swanson#huntclaire#about hunt and claire being very weird about their relationship once they’re ‘public’ is that they’re not public at all about it#if you remember the divorce post. i explained their weirdness there. divorced couple who never divorced and you actually don’t even know if#they’re together or if they’re just weird like that. world’s biggest mystery#anyway i think as much as claire had grown tired of dating him in secret both of them kinda grew used to. like. being private about it#i think that’s natural for hunt but i think with claire it really plays into her proudness + it bothers her how she#can’t subvert the power dynamic. lol. because that’s her entire thing. right. i’ve listed some of the men she dated. she likes putting them#in situations and making them push their boundaries. so like that’s what this guy does when he’s her professor but once he’s not anymore#what’s she’s gonna do about it. i think the divorcee act does it for her. weird woman#<- anyway this relates more to the second part of the post than the main thing abt it which is her role in the last duchess#which is the only rcd thing you’ll see me using. + also kinda how her dynamic with him works if slash when they work together.#maybe these tags should’ve been a post on their own but oh well
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said to my counsellor that i wasnt built for friendship because everyone always eventually just. stops speaking to me and she went “ok why do you think that is?” and then when i finished my dumb sad list she went “ok so maybe you aren’t good at friendship” and i. have never regretted spending £50 more in my life lol
#A RANT IN THE TAGS MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN REALISE I AM WRITING THIS WARNING RETROSPECTIVELY#£50 to feel like never trying to speak to anyone again or forge any connections THANKS RUTH#Ruth remember when I said that every friendship I’ve had I’ve never truly known if it’s a friendship or if it’s one sided#remember when I told you that my friend groups always had people who had a favourite and I was never the favourite#remember when I told you that several friend groups have disbanded but not really they actually just made new spaces without me?#remember that? remember my trauma? remember?#because I DO!!!#I was not born to have friends I don’t think#I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people#I don’t even think I could make friends with a clone of myself#this is so guy wrenchingly isolating lol#like girl what do you want from me? keep everyone at arms length like I used to?#try not to let myself get attached to people in case they decide they don’t want to be close to me anymore?#please it is not great advice Ruth#THE WORAT PART is that I literally was like ‘I don’t message too much because I’m overbearing’#and she asked where the proof was#and all I had was the complete dissolving of any relationship where I tried or tried too hard#so now I’m left in this confusing space of do I message too much or not enough because I have no happy medium#and she knows SHE KNOWS I also have energy issues and executive dysfunction stuff going on#and I know she is just trying to help and get me to think about this stuff#but it was just not the time lmao#finnie shouts into the void
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Ugh. I had a really bad day.
#chat sesh with iris#vent in the tags#had to get a super personal reminder of someone who I used to know who left me YEARS AGO but it still upsets me to hear her name and I#literally saw HER MOM who proceeded to talk a bunch about what she’s been doing#tw suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#in the tags lol#so warning that it’s in the next tag#like I think about killing myself whenever I have a passing thought about her so this was too much#I’m not going to do it I’m physically safe 👍👍👍 but like#even despite all of the shitty things that happened I was still having a pretty good week because like. people have been really nice to me.#and I’ve been having a little fun#but this is way too far to excuse like practically no matter what else happened or happens 😭😭😭#like hearing how much better her life is than mine#I literally had to physically leave the situation#like she had finally after YEARS(!!!) gotten mostly off of my mind#but not anymore#the heaviest sigh ever#anyway I would apologize for venting but like this is my blog 👍👍👍#I don’t really have anywhere else to talk about it#like even the people who I consider my best friends did not care or respond or ask questions when I mentioned that I was having like a-#breakdown in public#other than one#shoutouts#and I’m probably going to sleep really soon so maybe I’ll wake up and think this is too personal and delete it#like if I’m only posting because of how tired I was#or who knows maybe my thoughts will keep me awake for hours#I still have nightmares about her#BLUE AND DAWN AND HOP AND ARVEN AND GREEN SAVE ME!!!!!
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one of my friends who is a fellow saw fan told me she hates amanda and thinks she’s annoying. i’ve never felt more betrayed in my life.
#ITS LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE#WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE#not liking her because you think she’s annoying is crazy#like if you said you don’t like her cause she’s a murderer i’d be like…. ok boring but whatever#but ANNOYING?#just say you hate women#insanity#saw#saw franchise#saw 3#saw 2#saw x#saw 2004#saw 0.5#amanda young#amanda saw
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