#i do want to try the gollum game for myself

[clouds-of-wings]

Nooooooooooooooo the Gollum game is bad? Noooooo! I was looking forward to a good new stealth game! And combined with Tolkien, that would have been terrific. Now I read reviews that sound really discouraging.

Why is it that hardly anyone can do stealth right? I guess when your introduction to the genre was Thief 3, you have unrealistic standards for these games for the rest of your life.

I did like the stealth in Deus Ex 3 though, to cite a semi-recent example of stealth done well! I thought the story and the main character were boring and really everything else was kinda bland, but the stealth was fun, and if a game is fun that's all that really matters. Maybe I should give DX4 a chance now that I have a new laptop.

[pumpkinsy0]

outsiders characters as events from my silly ahh summer camp. i don't know how i survived for a month at a time there tbh

ponyboy: me going gollum mode over the hunger games book. it wasnt even a joke at that point i was struggling. also the pivotal turn my life took when i read hatchet. like i was reflecting and allat

darry: the DELECTABLE ahh lunches. idk what they did but they were so tasty. like i would have the best nap of my life after muching down on that

johnny: me crying myself to sleep that one time, some girl was like "erm miss counselor!!! i think insert name here is crying under her sleeping bag!!" and my bitch ass counselor who i HATED like she was my arch nemesis started trying to calm me down which made me even more upset. and earlier that day i was trying to feel included in a conversation w a semi friend and some cunt went like "no ones talking to u" when i was Literally just sitting there.

dally: that horse they assigned me that would not do anything asked of him. also one time he like broke out of his stall and was just walking around?? he was an interesting fellow. he was silly tho

soda: me getting sick from eating 2 much cereal. i was writhing around bc tummy ache 2 much later in the day. to be fair i did eat more than 10 servings of cereal.

steve: us having no air conditioning in the cabins. we had to bring our own fans. i had to shower multiple times a day bc I was sweating so much.

twobit: some girl mixing chicken and jello together. also me falling out of a bunk.

cherry: that time during horse and tack when we watched a movie bc it was too hot outside so we went in. but the movie was rlly sad and I cried

that was then… this now… ones

bryon: me almost drowning during one of the swimming performances. like I was lowk choking on water while under the sea was playing in the background.

mark: again that one damn counselor i hated so so much. like i was planning her downfall. why on God's green earth was she singing riptide while we were trying to sleep stfu

m&m: i would start randomly crying so often. i would miss lots of classes bc i would just be in the bathroom bawling for various reasons

angela: girls being so so mean to me. like it was a problem.

curly: me throwing hiking boots at a girl I didn't like

tim: them having to ban making slip n slides in the bathrooms. i didn't ask and i didn't want to know

most of these things aren't too relevant anymor but they kinda funny so here. i mean expand on these if u want. i can't put them on my blog bc it's not a TO blog but they need to be put somewhere

u made me remember this time where i just woke up weak as hell and my aunt had to literally spoonfeed me multiple bowls of cereal, to this day idk exactly HOW i got that weak, that has never happened to me before and it hasnt happened since

BUT ALSO i remember going to this summer camp and somehow someway we got into this gender prank war and im just pushing that onto all of em

and THEN there was this other time i was in this summer?????christian????school camp thing????? and look im an atheist idk what i was doing there i showed zero interest but my cousins and sister was also there, and for lunch we were going out which i dont think anyone else was doing bc my teacher asked “r u SURE u wanna go???” and i rhink she was pushing me to stay but i said yea and left immediately and i giggle at that and i think pony wluldve done the same, i wanted OUT🗣️

[ach-sss-no]

tags by @pazithigallifreya (by the way the fic mentioned is one of my favorites of all time and you can read it here and i strongly encourage you to do so)

Tags are referring to this post but I'm making a new post because i'm about to go off on a tangent. let's talk about the fate of the wormtongue for a second

so book wormtongue has a lot of very odd and direct parallels to sméagol where he's starving and crawling around and allegedly eating a hobbit and all that junk, right? he even goes through the arc of 'I committed a capital crime, stole stuff and made myself repulsive to my home community, a somewhat rustic group of people living east of the Misty Mountains with an Old English naming scheme, and then got banished and had to wander through the wilderness cursing the hardness of the world'.

the first time I read that it seemed almost like a bizarre non sequiter that these characters have so much in common when gríma never touches the Ring, and then i had a major fridge horror moment

frodo's recently witnessed the death of gollum, right

the person he tried to save and offer an olive branch to but in the end sam unwittingly sabotaged it while he was asleep gollum was too far gone. gollum couldn't be saved. he literally bit the hand that (tried to) feed him, he rejected frodo, he fought frodo, he took the ring, maimed frodo for life as a final f-you, etc, and gollum's death can ultimately be attributed to gollum. and sauron. frodo put the geas on him and probably stays up at night thinking about it, but that's because frodo has an extremely strong moral sensibility; he was very much provoked. gollum took the ring and did a lil dance and fell into the hellpit rip gollum

so frodo comes home

and right there is sméagol 2.0 who comes in out of nowhere. frodo offers him clemency

here's the crucial difference.

Saruman laughed. 'You do what Sharkey says, always, don't you, Worm? Well, now he says: follow!' He kicked Wormtongue in the face as he grovelled, and turned and made off. But at that something snapped: suddenly Wormtongue rose up, drawing a hidden knife, and then with a snarl like a dog he sprang on Saruman's back, jerked his head back, cut his throat, and with a yell ran off down the lane. Before Frodo could recover or speak a word, three hobbit-bows twanged and Wormtongue fell dead. - The Return of the King

Gríma's final act is to kill Saruman, who

just curbstomped him in the face

is actively trying to sabotage his shot at redemption

terrorized this whole community

and, crucially, also just tried to kill frodo, and everyone else also wanted to kill Saruman at that point, but Frodo said no

and then flee.

Frodo's own countrymen panic and kill Gríma on the spot when, by my reading, anyway, he did not appear to be a threat to them.

this is not Sméagol, whose penultimate act was to bite off frodo's finger and steal the Ring and who died by freely and deliberately choosing to do the thing that he had been told multiple times would lead to a direct and immediate game-over (grab the Ring).

this is way worse imo this absolutely is the piling on of absolute horror

[super-antelope]

So the Gollum Game

Way to many of my thoughts on Gollum, Daedalic Entertainment and the click-and-point genre.

Recently a new game about Gollum, made by Daedalic Entertainment, came out. It has gotten very bad reviews and a negative response, so much that Daedalic came out with an apology. Now, I haven’t played it myself, but I’ve seen enough clips and screenshots to come to the conclusion that it is exactly as terrible as people say it is.

When this game was first announced back in 2019 I was actually very excited, because I really like some off Daedalics other games. In fact, my favourite game of all time, The night of the rabbit, is made by them.

This was also about a year after the company released the final game in their click-and-point adaptation of The pillars of the earth, which originally is a book by Ken Follett.

It’s a beautiful looking game with a good story and I enjoyed it very much. I thought that if they tackled Tolkiens world in a similar manner, it could make for a really cool and unique game. However, as soon as I found out that Gollum wasn’t gonna be a click-and-point I lost all hope.

Cause here’s the thing, Daedalic games tend to be very much not great when they do games that are other genres. They started out as a company that only made click-and -point, and it’s definitely their strongest suite. I’m not saying that all of their other games are terrible. I haven’t played any of them, and can therefore not make that judgement. I can however look up what people who have played them think, and if you look at the steam reviews on some of their games, there’s a clear pattern.

Here are some of their click-and-point games:

And here are some of the others:

They haven’t released any new click-and-point (as both devs and producers) since Pillars of the earth, and it also seems to be the last game since, that was actually really good. They were gonna release a click-and-point called The Devil’s men, but unfortunately it got cancelled in 2018, which is a shame since it looks sooo cool!

It’s a little unclear why it got cancelled. I’ve seen some people say that it was because Daedalic didn’t think people was interested in that genre anymore, or that they thought it wasn’t gonna make them enough money, but I haven’t been able to find any direct quotes or sources to these statements. So take that with a grain of salt

So where am I going with this??

Well, my point isn’t that I think Daedalic should stick to just click-and-point and nothing else. I totally get that making games that are always in the same vein and/or genre can be boring and uninspiring. I don’t wanna blame anyone for wanting to try something new or different. You should be able to make games and projects that you find fun and enjoyable to make, that you actually want to make, even if other people want you to make other games that you might not find inspiring. However, I just can’t help but feel like this isn’t the issue here.

Despite my love for them, most of their click-and-points has several flaws, some more than others. They are in no way, shape or form perfect, far from it. However, these games are still great and obviously loved by many, and I think the reason for that is that there’s so much heart in them. You can feel that they hade a blast making them while you play them, and that, combined with beautiful artwork and incredible soundtracks, is exactly why they work, despite the many flaws. The best example here is Deponia, one of their most appreciated game franchises.

It has the absolute worst main character I ever played as, some of the puzzles makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever, the “dark humour” often leaves a bad taste in your mouth, cause instead of being actually good jokes, it feels like it crosses the line just to cross the line. Do I still love the games to death, and have replayed them multiple times? Absolutely yes

And once again, take this with a grain of salt since I actually haven’t played any of them and I’m basing this of reviews, but that heart seems to be missing in their other genre games. They don’t feel as genuine and as cared for, they lack passion and creativity. And the same goes for Gollum more than anything else.

It just makes me so sad that it seems like Daedalic have given up on a genre that they did so well. Not because they don’t want to make more click-and-points, but because they think that there’s no longer an audience for that genre, and therefore there’s no gain in making anymore. This might of course not be the case at all, but that’s how it feels to me. And it sucks, because while the audience for click-and-point might be smaller than some other genres, their point-and-click games are generally more appreciated, and better received, as I pointed out earlier.

I truly think that Gollum could have been great, if they would have been brave enoughto make it click-and-point. It would have been a risk sure, but I think that even a mediocre click-and-point about Gollum would have been better than what we got. And look, I understand that its unrealistic to wish that all games should always be passion projects. At the end of the day, capitalism is a bitch that has power over all of us, whether we like it or not. Making a game a certain way because you’ll think it’ll be more financially successful, is very fair and valid. But still.

Anyway this ended up being waaaay longer than I intended lol (no one will probably read this, but if you did, hey!! Thanks, my pal!!🤘) I hope that the flop that is Gollum doesn’t hurt the company to much, and I hope that they will continue to create games, whatever genre they may be. And if they’ll make a new click-and-point, then you can be damn sure that I’ll play it!!

[kichimiangra]

You mentioned that you might hypothetically write a story for Digimon Ghost Game. What would be the plot of that potential fanfic?

I mean, I probably won't actually write it because me and writing don't always get along.... it's why I have more art than text for Nannersverse at this point. I'm just trying to force myself to write more for the sake of being able to shit out scripts for comics quicker. Nannersverse would have totally ended up a comic if I didn't stop myself! Then it would take so long that it would eventually get set on the backburner as another unfinished comic :<

BUT!

If I did do a Ghost Game fic it would probably be an attempt at a fictional "Season 2" where I collect all the loose ends or things I personally would want to see expanded on, so the main main plot would be a whole "Gulus can't count, the endbringer is coming and it's only been 2 years" but opening with a few episodic chapters that feel like episodes to establish how the world is now that Digimon are kinda an open thing and not a secret, how people reac to their existance. and what the GG Gangs normal lives have been since then. Maybe Jellymon and Angoramon have hit that point in their development by now that they no longer default to Rookie form, but are permanently Champions to show that even if it's only been 2 years the relationship to their humans have had a substantial effect on their growth? But more importantly because I'm bias as fuck, the early chapter highlights would be on specifically how Hiro and Gammamon's lives are effected by the constant existence of Big brother Gulus popping up unannounced for almost anything, going from who was originally a background character in their lives to a constant element needing getting used to, such as watching Gammamon seemingly hold a two way conversation with himself with only the black eyes being an indicator he isn't going full Gollum. Plus the fun that they are trying to get Gulus to be good but he is VERY resistant to behaving good.

"The Plot" would eventually show up and the episodic chapters would end to focus instead on a serialized narrative of trying to put an end to the end bringer, maybe it kills or captures Quantumon? It wouldn't be a fast arrival, Maybe the Gulus Virus that had been going around the digital world was technically caused by the end bringer (So like, back on Krypton Gulus was just a normal Gammamon before he himself got infected, but instead of 'infection' he 'devoured' the virus, writing it into his own digital code thus birthing his permanent evolution into Gulusgammamon) and with the virus spreading around the digimon in both the digital and human worlds all eyes are on Hiro, Gamma, and Gulus as nobody really trusts Gulus to not be the active cause of this spreading virus, with the only one believing in him being Hiro and Gamma? This way later there can be like... the narrative buddy fight, so to speak. (Though I don't think Hiro would buddy fight :/ He's so passive...)

I'd have to chew on it a bit more to think of what I would do for "The Plot-Plot" but I do know I would want a Huge amount of focus to be on Hiro and his two Gamma's, as what Ghost Game did well was it's smaller personal character moments and also I'm bias as fuck.

-------------------

About a week after your original ask of "If I wrote a digimon fic what would it be?" and my answer was GG but only if I found there was a story that I wanted to tell with the characters, I remembered that there actually WAS a digimon fic I had considered writing but it was also in a "still chewing on it" point of existence, but I had already answered the ask so cuz psuedo on topic I'll add it here!

A while Back KarnEX did a video discussing the early concept for Digimon Frontier I found myself biting my lip because I liked the original idea, so I had started ideating the vague idea of a digimon fic using the concept. (Although once again my brain is like "But what if.... comic...?")

A report is seen on the tv about 'more' children/teens/whatevs going missing, establishing an ongoing crisis. The Protag is going somewhere or something or whatever maybe a travelling circus or music show or SOMETHING to get a moderate group of kids in a single place and a group of Digimon appear and kidnap protag and the other kids; isekai'ing them to the digital world (though the kids don't know they're not in kansas anymore yet.) end of setup.

Here in the digital world for the first act, it follows a Ratchet and Clank: Deadlocked plot: They have been kidnapped by the Digimon who work for a gladitory arena and are being forced to compete for the entertainment and profit of the arena owners (Captialism is the true villain lol). The Arena has Digimon competetors but the arena has found that the more interesting fights come from capturing humans and making them Fuse/Biomerge evolve with a digimon competitor, many of which have ALSO been forced into the arena against their will. From there protag ends up meeting their partner and it becomse kinda like a tournament fighter shounen manga as protag meets other competetors and their own issues trying to survive the arena (characters and storylines like "The Pacifist won't fight but has to learn it's okay sometimes" or the "Dog eat dog competitor" or "The Competitor who is a cinnamon role paired up with a bad or abusive human/digimon partner" etc.) Eventually after the first arena tournament round ends and the second begins; round two requires team fighting and protag manages to create a team of merry misfits and their digimon partners that he befriended/ gained the respect of during round one. They start realizing that they think they can escape the arena via a very specific escape route and try to get back to civilization and call the police on this child-monster-battle-thing. Most of their group get's out, accidentally leaving one of their own behind, maybe there's a forced "Dark Biomerge Digivolution" forced upon the kid or maybe there's a "They left you behind like bad friends!" or maybe there's a "He stayed behind for a reason!" I dunno this character is probably the Ken/Matt/Rika/that one friend who has baggage that digimon likes to have. It's a good character trait I love it.

Now that (most) of the main group has escaped the arena the second act begins where they are effectively let loose out in the digital world, realize that they infact got isekai'd, maybe they have to collect some kind of Macguffins? Maybe the arena is actually run by Satanists summoning the Digital Devil? either way the arena was bad but it was all a front for something worse and the kids need to find a way to stop it, save the other competetors in the arena and go home without the world being destroyed all while some drama plot is being set up with the left behind character. I don't have all the bugs worked out with the second act, I just know it's the big adventure act where they get to explore the whole open digital world while realizing just how close they were to something very very bad happenning to them back at the arena, but also how once you get out of the corruption of the arena this world is beautiful and worth saving.

Act three would be finishing up anything that needs to be done in the overworld, maybe a classic "I have the chance to abandon my friends and go home alone" plot of temptation the the protag gives up and then return to the arena for a final showdown and liberation of the other humans and digimon. Just finishing stuff up y'know.

It's an Idea that could be told with completely original characters but could also be fun to make all the missing kids into known characters from the franchises Anime/Manga/Games/ etc., not in like.... a Xros wars "All the protags are visiting the episode from their own worlds" way but in a "This universe's version of the character" way. Y'know full AU. Also I could put Jerri there and then NOT kill her Leomon.....

Also I had an idea for a mysterious Arena Champion who is a baddass but you learn that they're not in sync in the fusion, the Digimon is repressing their human and steering the whole fusion themselves because they aren't gonna let their human, who is too nice, to get themselves killed so they do what they have to do, repressing the human part of the biomerge in order to take all the hardship themselves. Was gonna consider Koichi from Frontier but I don't think I can do much more than Frontier already did with him and make it interesting. Was gonna consider Ken and Wormmon, having Wormmon repress Ken in the fusion in order to protect him and do the bad stuff himself or vise versa. But then I watched Ghost Game and ngl Hiro with Gamma and Gulus as the champion where Gulus convinced Gamma to help repress and placate Hiro in the fusion so Gulus can fly the plane because he thinks the other two are so soft it'll get them all killed sounds fun and I am biased as fuck.

[arrowpunk]

Tagged by @brown-little-robin Rules: answer the questions and tag some friends at the bottom!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yeah so for my birth name I'm sorta named after one of my mom's old friends, and also a missionary my parents admired, though they edited the name of my mom's friend to make it sound better with the rest of my name, and didn't do their research when trying to name me after the missionary and gave me a name that doesn't exist.

And for my chosen name I named myself after Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet because of course I did. 'Arrow' isn't really from anything other than like I've always enjoyed archery? And it sounds badass so... Gonna eventually get my name legally changed I'm just trying to figure out if I can do that without my parents finding out...

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh not much but like there were a few parts in For the Future (most recent episode of the owl house) that got me and I shed a few tears.

3. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yeah but it's always meant in good fun and jokingly, I don't use sarcasm to sting

4. What’s your eye color?

Blue

5. Your go-to coffee shop order?

Iced Chai or Iced Matcha

6. Any special talents?

.....So you know Gollum from LotR? Specifically the Peter Jackson movies? Yeah. I can do his voice.

7. Where were you born?

Illinois as well actually!

8. What are your hobbies?

Art, I do a lot of digital art, if anyone wants to see you can check it out over @arrowhawkart

9. Have you any pets?

No, eventually I'd love to get a black cat though.... one of these days.

10. What sports do you play/have you played?

I did soccer for a year when I was like 7 and ran cross country in high school, I'm not a very sporty person and didn't really enjoy either of them rip to me

11. How tall are you?

5’7", I always think this is average height but apparently not. All my friends are small.

12. Favorite subject in school?

Literature and Art

13. Dream job?

I'd love to work in the animation or gaming industry, Character Designer would be my first pick because that's what is most fun to me, and also what I have the skills for right now, though I want to teach myself how to storyboard b/c storyboard artists are much more in demand than character designers, and who knows, I might also have fun with that once I learn how to do it right!

[sillylotrpolls]

I could never turn notifications off on these polls; I love all y'all's comments too much. ♥

#hold up lemme google something#the eagle?? the fucking bird?? the head honcho bird????#fuck it. marry. why not.#it nearly landed on grima wormtongue and i got super excited for a second#but sure we can have the bird. it’s fine.#at least it’s reliable#i know sweet fuck all about it btw sorry if it turns out the bird is jesus reincarnated and i’m a fool and a moron for not wanting some @jellydragons

#today I'm heading to real jail and not horny jail 😞 @elanna-elrondiel

#anyway that wheel has more names on it than i thought there would be @hummingbirdgf

-- Note: So you know, this is the edited list. I removed most of the more obscure names, and also the kid.

#shelob. i hate to say it but im gonna have to go with kill on this one as unfortunately i am gay @limedtown

#i almost got aragorn. but did not. and for that i kill. @joyflameball

#haldir? idk who that is tbh but it sounds a dwarven name? @deeisace

-- Note: This is hilarious specifically if you know who Haldir is/the one thing he does in the story.

#listen#i have not actually read or watched all of lord of the rings#i do not know who the character i got is#but when i google Gríma Wormtongue#i get the greasiest#evilest#little guy ive seen#and listen#what else am i supposed to pick#when the guy has a name like wormtongue#fuck 👍 @ghostly-nobody

#in the spirit of the game I must regretfully marry a tree @skulkingwriter

-- Note: There are three different characters this could refer to, and that's only because I edited out several others.

#the watcher in the water#aka the tentacle monster outside the gates of Moria#hahahahahaha#oof#i chose marry @lasenbyphoenix

#legolas. I'm gonna snap him in half like a twig#wait i forgot this is fmk. #Sexually. to be clear @charmcoin

#celeborn#I would not marry Celeborn (prejudiced against dwarves)#but I would fuck him. I wanna know what the fuss is about that he snagged GALADRIEL without any dynastic advantage to offer#my first love @silentstep

-- Note: this is a very good point, actually; how DID he land Galadriel?

#i got gorbag. which was a gollum near miss. i will not tell u which i selected but you can take my humiliation as a hint @subtly-shakespearean

#SHELOB? THE SPIDER?#well. I take her on as a beloved wife now @catboirights

#the watcher in the water#hang on gotta google something#i don’t know lotr#ah okay i see#i mean. try everything once right?#i’m on monsterfucker.website i don’t think i should have to explain myself @yeah-thats-probably-it

#King of the dead#Marry#He's flawed#but committed to growth and making amends#and really that is all you can ask for in a life partner @thecupsmith

#the witch king of angmar#he's hot but only because of the armor so kill. i'm stealing his helmet. @crystallinehorror

Before voting, spin the wheel and get a Lord of the Rings character.

Not sure who your character is? You can look them up on this Tolkien Gateway character list, or just vote based on vibes.

For the purposes of the game, assume your vote is not "LaCE compliant." (That is, fucking an elf does not instantly mean marriage or death for that elf.)

Poll concept from @pollsnatural.

[splendourofrecognition]

I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul

Yet another song, flitting across my busy mind, without any clear trace as to where it arose from. Well, that's not true actually- it's a very windy day and the wind is currently blowing loudly as I type this, so I've found the link.

I keep thinking "I must keep track of that" or "that observation feels important, I must put it somewhere to reflect on another day." Yet, where to put it, how to track it and when to reflect? It's absurdly confusing and I don't have a systematic way of doing it. Amazing, too, how many moments occur on any given day that feel important. The truth is that I can't possibly track everything I want or mull over something at a later date...so some of this is a discernment predicament. First discern, then decide, THEN keep track/reflect later etc. I think I'm reflecting on this particular point in order to avoid all the others, which are the actual things I need to be reflecting on. Right now.

My NHS job is weighing on my body and soul. It has been, for such a long time. Only as I take small steps to extricate myself am I becoming more aware of the cost of this burden, the way it robs me of my energy, leaving me little left over to show love to myself, my family, my friends- all the things I actually care about. I feel sad and heavy when I reflect on the zero-sum gameness of life; that if your attention is in one place, it is absent in another. How much has already been lost, swept up the torrent of my fears around self-worth and all during the first years of Ruby's life that I (and she) will never be able to return to.

I watched my mom do this and vowed to not do the same. Yet, here I sit. Ravaged by a feeling that I might die soon, both literally and figuratively. It sounds so dramatic, really. But that doesn't shift the truth of it and truth is where I'm trying to make my peace. When I first saw Ros, I knew work (specifically, the NHS job) was a pernicious forcefield pulling me under and likened it to Japanese knotweed; a weed so forceful and rapacious that seeks to find cracks in structural foundations and push its way through. Full of destruction and growth. I knew in that moment, too, that my mom was somehow woven into this weed. During our subsequent sessions, she appeared like an apparition that slowly gained opacity as I ventured back into those painful memories. At one point, going so far as to banish her with the words of Gollum, "Leave now and never come back." What, or who, was I trying to banish? The belief that you must sacrifice all that you love at the altar of "responsibility" (code for patriarchy and capitalism). Uphold the status quo, at all costs, even your own life. Do what others tell you to, even if you don't value their opinion. The measurement of society is real and you will be judged at every move; your worth determined by your ability to uphold your white, middle-class, monotonous life, devoid of creativity, spontaneity and joy.

This has a quality of a self-fulfilling prophecy. By worrying from such a young age that I would become my mom, I thereby put into motion the machinations to do just that. But...why? How did this come to pass, when it was diametrically opposed to what I was seeking in the first place?

And if I'm repeating the cycle, where does that leave Ruby? I'm modelling something to her, just as my mom did to me. The messages are unpredictable and I can only speculate, but what I do know is that she's viewing her mom going to work at a job that genuinely feels as if it is killing her at times and for what? Because she's "supposed to" do it...according to who? It would be all too easy to cite money at this juncture- the undebatable reality that our world requires money, for everything. It also has to be said that I don't have to go to a job that destroys my life force in order to make money and have in fact being going to various other jobs that provide what I need, without killing me in the process. So why have I hung on? Should I just hand in my notice?

[paradoxcase]

So I watched LOTR again for the first time in forever, and there were some things I forgot about in RotK back when I was doing the big book/movie comparison:

When Elrond comes to Dunharrow to give Aragorn Anduril, he says “I give hope to Men” in Sindarin and then Aragorn says “I keep none for myself” also in Sindarin, which I believe is actually a quote of something Tolkien wrote in Sindarin once, but of note is that the word “estel��� means “hope” and appears in both lines.  Anyway, “Estel” is also one of Aragorn’s names, it’s actually the name he was given at birth, he didn’t get the name “Aragorn” until after Elrond revealed his heritage as the last heir of Isildur to him, which was I think when he was like 10 or so?  Anyway, so, I think it’s kind of fun that Elrond is here, telling Aragorn to go on and reclaim the throne and use being the king to recruit the ghosts to go save Minas Tirith and he says “I give [Estel] to Men”, like he’s giving Aragorn to Men.  He raised Aragorn, and now he’s setting Aragorn on his destiny to become the king, so, yeah, he is doing that.  And later, at some point, Denethor talks about being a Steward of the House of Anarion, and then at the end of the movie, Sauron addresses Aragorn as Elessar, which is another one of his names.  I forgot these three names were actually in movies, and (except for Elessar, which I believe Galadriel uses in the books) they’re not the main story of book!LOTR either, they’re mainly in the Appendices, so casual book fans may not even recognize them.  It is weird that it’s Sauron who calls Aragorn Elessar, as that’s sort of his regnal name, Galadriel and Elrond don’t use the name in the movies, Gandalf doesn’t even call him Elessar when he puts the goddamn crown on his head.  But Sauron calls him Elessar.  It’s weird.  Anyway.

The scene where Sam and Frodo and Gollum walk past Minas Morgul to get to Cirith Ungol is actually so accurate?  It’s literally exactly what the books described, every single thing about it.  I feel like so much of RotK is not at all what the books described, but this one scene is right on the money, somehow.

Sauron’s artificial darkness actually is present in the movies, but it’s not at all what’s described in the books.  There are some shots with some dark clouds, but the scene where Sam is complaining that it’s dark, it’s just kind of like late-afternoon-lighting, and you can visibly see the sun rising behind the Rohirrim when they arrive at the battle at Minas Tirith (which is weird anyway, since they should be coming from the west, and the darkness should be coming from the east).

Legolas randomly shows up in Arwen’s entourage at the end of the movie.  Why???  Yes, he would probably want to come to Aragorn’s coronation, but he wouldn’t be coming with Arwen.  He doesn’t live where Arwen lives, he would be coming from the opposite direction anyway.  He’s from a completely different Elf noble family, in fact a completely different branch of Elves entirely.  I doubt he has even met Arwen in person prior to the events of the Fellowship.  Why is he there?  It makes no sense.  Gimli is also weirdly absent from the coronation, Legolas totally should have shown up there with Gimli, he’s actually much closer to Erebor than Rivendell anyway.

When I wrote those old posts, I didn’t know where they were during Pippin’s Palantir incident.  Rewatching the movie, I see they are at Meduseld, Theoden’s palace.  There’s also a whole scene where they party there after the victory at Helm’s Deep.  In the book, there’s no time for a party, not even time to return to Meduseld before the Palantir incident happens and Gandalf and Pippin leave, and then so do Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, and everyone is hastily trying to muster all the Rohirrim to go to Minas Tirith.  But I guess we had to get in the Legolas/Gimli drinking game and the Aragorn/Eowyn tension before he rejects her at Dunharrow.

[disneyprincessdxminatrix]

@maplequeen94 & @hetaari Thank you for the tag! I'm super late, sorry!! 🧡

Are you named after anyone? Real name: No, my mum just liked the name but I don't even know how she thought of it/where she got it from. Online name: Yes and I think it's kinda easy to guess lol

When was the last time you cried? I think it was like a week ago? Was having a rough night..

Do you have kids? Nope, and it better stay that way.

What sports do you play/have you played? None, I'm a music kid. The only sport I ever liked was the little bit of gymnastics and zumba we did in PE class.

Do you use sarcasm? Me? No, never! Why would I do that? (<- sarcasm, I use it all the time it's in my blood)

What is the first thing you notice about people? Outfits, eyes, hair, hands.

What's your eye color? Light blue

Scary movies or happy endings? Out of these two I'll take the happy endings.

Any talents? I've been told I can sing well and I do a mad Gollum impression XD

Where were you born? Nice try, not gonna doxx myself. In a hospital.

What are your hobbies? Playing video games, going to the cinema, hanging out with friends, watching movies/anime, cooking, and if I'm motivated enough I like to write, craft, cosplay, and I really want to do papercuts again.

Do you have any pets? Yes, out cat Pauli <3 and my parents still have the three guinea pigs (Mocca, Melli, Flecki) though I don't see them much these days.

How tall are you? like 1,69m

Favorite subject in school? Maths, English, Nutritonal Education

Dream job? I don't dream of work lmao

Tagging @coralcatsea @demonicpiano @breitzbachbea @moetxt

I was tagged by @piscesgirl2020 , Thank you!~

Are you named after anyone? No.

When was the last time you cried? A few weeks ago

Do you have kids? HA! No

What sports do you play/have you played? I was forced to play soccer as a kid (I was really bad at it), and I was also on a bowling league. Bowling is the only sport I actually enjoy playing.

Do you use sarcasm? Yes, mostly when I'm bitching about something

What is the first thing you notice about people? Usually how they're dressed/what's on their person. I'm usually trying to see if i can spot anything that indicates we have common interests

What's your eye color? Blue-green mix

Scary movies or happy endings? Scary movies

Any talents? I can sing but I'm really anxious to do it in public

Where were you born? Wisconsin. USA

What are your hobbies? Reading, Writing, Cosplay, Watching Youtube Essays, Beachcombing, Doll Collecting

Do you have any pets? Not currently 😔, but I used to have a dog, she was a chow chow named Ginger, and a rat named Griffin

How tall are you? 4'11/150 cm (I am a smol)

Favorite subject in school? Choir

Dream job? Folklorist, I specifically am interested in studying how folklore and urban legends have evolved in the modern era, especially in the internet age.

I tag: @spidertalia @irlusa @9pilkytf @koolkat9 @floralcrematorium

@disneyprincessdxminatrix

[senadimell]

Boromir for the character ask?

send me a character and i’ll list:

favorite thing about them: Honestly? His focus. He's a problem-solver. He focuses on whatever task is in front of him, and while he's the golden child, I honestly don't know if he'd be the best fit for Steward because he seems to be at his best when he's thinking about concrete solutions to discrete problems.

Oh! The other thing is that he evaluates the advice given to him for what it is, not based on the authority of the advisor. He’s not going to accept bad advice just because it comes from a trustworthy source, and he’s going to be honest about his thoughts. So he’ll trust and respect the advice of the council of Elrond, but not to the point where he doesn’t ask questions or question things that don’t make sense (I’m thinking about Caradhras here) It’s a good skill to have as the de-facto heir to Gondor, and it makes sense that he’s not in awe of elves or Gandalf and acts among them as a guest but also as an equal at least in political status, though his experience is vastly more limited.

At the same time, he’s not arrogant or haughty. He's a team player. He’s supportive of decisions for the most part, though where the ring is concerned, things get skewy. He’s not the kind of person to rub mistakes back in your face. He’s compassionate and understanding (which we see even in the way he treats Frodo as he strives for the Ring).

least favorite thing about them: Honestly Boromir doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I suppose his positive traits are also double-edged swords. Focusing more on the advice than the giver sort of has Feanor vibes? And you can see where his focus leads him when he talks to Frodo about why he wants the ring and how he would use it. He can see his corner of the world (Gondor) and his place in saving it (political, but primarily military leadership), and it’s his practicality, drive, and focus that the Ring exploits. He’s too busy thinking about what he must do to save the day that he misses the grander scheme (yet he’s doing it because he cares! he cares!).

brOTP: Um, Faramir, I guess. Though I guess it’d be kinda sweet if he’s got a brotherly relationship with Bergil. I can easily imagine Bergil hero-worshipping Boromir, and so I think it’d be sweet if Boromir did acknowledge him and know him by name.

OTP: none? look, I rarely ship and even more rarely out of canon.

nOTP: also none? Shelob? The Ring?

random headcanon: I dunno...

unpopular opinion: boromir has dark hair Sean Bean is an actor he’s not the only face

So I feel like there’s a bit of a structural problem with the LotR fandom. Characters are often written in pairs or as foils, and inevitably the comparison starts to turn towards “who’s better?” Then, if you don’t ship them, there’s a tendency to aggrandize one character’s virtues and minimize their flaws (which tends to happen everywhere), but then the comparison game starts. Because they have a paired character, the natural next step is to lionize your favorite by de-emphasizing the other character’s strengths and virtues (and sometimes also highlighting their flaws). (I’m not immune to this by far, btw, and am possibly about to engage in it.)

This happen the most with Frodo and Sam, but I think you also see it in Boromir and Faramir. Because obviously, in the books, Faramir is the golden child. Not in his father’s eyes, of course, but narratively speaking. And I have mad respect for him.

Most people don’t try and diss Faramir (because frankly. it’s hard. like, what are you going to say?), but there’s a tendency to downplay the fact that Boromir is his culture’s golden child, and Faramir...isn’t. Which isn’t to say Faramir isn’t beloved by those who know him, but his strengths are not valued in the same way that Boromir’s are. Faramir knows this. And given Boromir’s attitudes discussed above (how confidently he assumes his position in the world), I can’t believe he’s the 100% supportive, loving, sensitive, protective brother that fanon depicts him as. I don’t see how he can be.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe the brothers love each other deeply. But growing up with siblings has taught me that it’s possible to love someone and yet be deeply wounded by them due to the casual and inescapable intimacy of your relationship? You can share more inside jokes and weird stories than anyone, yet you can never get away from how deeply they know you--not your thoughts, but who you are at home and who you were when you were seven and how you acted when someone broke up with you or what you did when your parents were furious.

You also know exactly how you match up against them, because you will always exist as a unit. And because your relationship is as natural as the lens  in your eye (you can’t imagine viewing the world without it), you forget about the other as a person and just say something and don’t think about how it hurts them. You can joke about this one thing and your sibling can carry around the hurt for years and you didn’t even know. And maybe the hurt isn’t even your fault--maybe they were just sensitive and you had no way of knowing, but the hurt doesn’t go away for the lack of malice. And even best-friend siblings are capable of malice towards each other at times.

So Boromir is good at things that Faramir isn’t, and Boromir knows it. He’s probably ribbed his brother in what he thinks is a playful way about when you’re going to shape up, or do X, or do Y, or why do you do that, anyways, or do you realize that’s a little unbecoming? maybe you should stop that. You know Father’s going to think that you’re... And he doesn’t realize how those slights can add up over the years. I do think he’s said things to his peers about his brother that have ended up hurting him. No matter how pure and nice he is, that sort of thing is unavoidable, and due to his cultural upbringing I don’t actually think he’d question the appropriateness of his attitude/acceptance and glorification of martial prowess at the expense of those who don’t have it in the same degree.

I think this passage is really telling:

For on the eve of the sudden assault a dream came to my brother in a troubled sleep; and afterwards a like dream came oft to him again, and once to me. 'In that dream I thought the eastern sky grew dark and there was a growing thunder, but in the West a pale light lingered, and out of it I heard a voice, remote but clear, crying:          Seek for the Sword that was broken:          In Imladris it dwells;          There shall be counsels taken          Stronger than Morgul-spells.          There shall be shown a token          That Doom is near at hand,          For Isildur's Bane shall waken,          And the Halfling forth shall stand. Of these words we could understand little, and we spoke to our father, Denethor, Lord of Minas Tirith, wise in the lore of Gondor. This only would he say, that Imladris was of old the name among the Elves of a far northern dale, where Elrond the Halfelven dwelt, greatest of lore-masters. Therefore my brother, seeing how desperate was our need, was eager to heed  the  dream and seek for  Imladris; but since the way was full of doubt and danger, I took the journey upon myself. Loth was my father to  give  me leave, and long have I wandered by roads forgotten, seeking the house of Elrond, of which many had heard, but few knew where it lay.' 

There’s so much you can read into this. Faramir has this dream, and he has it many times. We know he’s a lover of lore and no less devoted to his kingdom than Boromir, though his love is expressed differently. He is “eager” to heed the dream. So would I if I was having prophecy dreams all the time.

But is Faramir a member of the fellowship? No. Why? Because Boromir “took it upon himself.” He wanted to do it, he thought himself the better candidate (and Faramir the worse), and he argued his way into doing it against his father’s wishes. Coupled with Denethor’s later attitude towards Boromir, I’m inclined to believe Boromir was uniquely able to obtain this quest for himself because Denethor has a soft spot for him.

I find myself inclined to disregard Boromir’s account of Faramir’s motive (”how desparate was our need”), because it sounds like he’s justifying the appropriateness of his actions.  If it’s just about the great need of the kingdom, it’s nothing personal that one brother goes and the other stays. That view implies  that Faramir’s interest in this mission is primarily utilitarian in purpose, with a little academic curiosity--that is, it’s nothing personal. Doesn’t matter who goes! Not as long as we protect the kingdom! Which...just doesn’t square with his description of Faramir having repeatedly cryptic dreams that he wants to understand. I can almost guarantee that Faramir wants to know what those dreams meant more than Boromir.

It’s a bit tragic, because ultimately Faramir was more suited for the quest than Boromir (tramping about in the wilderness doesn’t seem to be a problem, he’s also a team player, and he’s much more willing to accept the power of the Ring/not downplay its personal danger, and would be able to see it in a bigger picture beyond just Gondor). Ultimately, though, if Boromir was the one to catch Frodo in Ithillien, the story would have a veeeeeeery different ending. (Gollum would likely be dead, and I can’t imagine he’d be inclined to just. let Frodo and Sam go free.)

I kind of view their relationship as a much less antagonistic version of Agravain and Gwalchmai from Gillian Bradshaw. (Agravain is more of a jerk than I can ever imagine Boromir being, and has a wicked temper). 

Also none of this is to say that I don’t think he’s not protective of his brother.

So a lot of words to say: I don’t think the Boromir and Faramir relationship is as uwu cinnamon roll as it seems in fandom. I think they loved each other, but I think Boromir did have a tendency to take what he wanted when he thought he deserved it and not give it a second thought, even when it was at the expense of his brother. Sure, he’d defend his brother night and day, but I expect him to be a bit of a jerk, be unaware of the extent of his behavior, and also see little wrong with it (the ring quest seems to have crossed a line, by the way he justifies it).

Still, they do love each other deeply and genuinely. It’s just a little more conflicted.

song i associate with them: Requiem, from Dear Evan Hanson. Not a particularly creative association (and I don’t associate him with Connor at all), but his death comes as such a shock at the beginning of TTT and brings with it so many mixed feelings due to both their relationship and the circumstances of his death. Nobody’s mourning is straightforward: not Frodo, or Denethor, or Faramir, or Aragorn, or Merry, or Pippin. His absense is woven throughout TTT and even RotK, in plot and in emotion and in theme.

favorite picture of them:

Don’t really have a favorite, but this one is nice.

The Sean Bean runners-up: one, two

[ach-sss-no]

I've been tagged by @pazithigallifreya ! There's no one I can think of offhand to tag so just do it if you want to

1 How many works do you have on AO3? Aaahhh, well, the official number appears to be 5. I have some scattered orphans out there somewhere.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 262,523. Officially. If you were to track down everything I've orphaned it might go up a bit.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Good sir, I only have written five fanfictions, so I'll just stick to the top one

Schrodinger's Hobbit

Ah yes, the one that was posted on a regular schedule and has characters people care about in the tags, giving readers a ghost of a chance to discover it and give it a 'well it's about gollum but I'm desperate for pippin' click

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

In theory, yes. In practice, if I don't reply to a comment as soon as I see it, I sometimes forget to go back and reply because I've tricked myself into thinking I already have. Because I usually reply right away, you see.

Fortunately I do eventually see the comment as unreplied to in my inbox and circle back to it.

However, sometimes if there's no question posed and a simple 'thank you' doesn't seem to apply I honestly can't think of an answer and will just appreciate the person in silence.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Uh, well, there's... oh, there's this one that's orphaned somewhere on AO3! it ends with Gollum learning how to eat people

I think I also wrote something once where it ended on a guy going 'oh no I am going to go insane just like my mother' but I don't know if it still exists anywhere.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Maybe Schrodinger's Hobbit? It ends with Aragorn saying 'Gollum isn't going to jail and we're just going to keep him' which is a happy ending from one point of view (Gollum's)

I usually just stop writing stories at the point where they stop being interesting.

7. Do you write crossovers?

The answer is no except for the time I did a crossover webcomic between two games no one cares about.

The first really ambitious fanfiction project I did was some kind of three way crossover with tons of canon/oc shipping and it was so bad.

Also there's a thing on my account that's technically a crossover but it's between Disney properties, which are already just one big lump.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

There's a TVTropes page out there with people railing about how bad my ambitious fanfiction project with tons of canon/oc shipping was. I am not going to find it for you.

In terms of comments, no, except for the one time I wrote a shipfic in a particularly eccentric fandom. People got bad about that. Oddly enough the people who liked the ship were the ones that got mad. Failed step one.

I've never gotten hate on AO3. (Not yet! 👀) Only the wild west of fanfiction.net and TVtropes.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do not.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. I don't monitor for that, though.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've had some people get permission from me to do translations, but they never told me if they posted anything.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Ahhhh I used to years and years ago. I think one co-written thing is still floating about somewhere on ff.net.

I wouldn't be opposed to trying it again one day if I met someone with a compatible writing style and the circumstances were right, but it's not something I'm seeking out.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I guess I'm not really that into shipping. Sometimes a ship will catch my interest enough to produce content but there are none I currently find interesting enough to claim as a favorite.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

If I haven't finished it by now, I don't want to ;)

15. What are your writing strengths?

I don't feel well-equipped to judge my own work, so I will go off of what other people have said about me, which is always a great method for determining your self-concept.

A bunch of different people have said independently of each other that I'm good at characterization and dialog, so it's probably at least partially true.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh I don't know how to write a plot.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There are so many different ways that could be done that this question feels too general to answer.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Lilo & Stitch. Almost 20 years ago now! The Internet has changed a LOT since then.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I'd like to try writing original fiction- wait, come back! Come back!

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh, now, that's hardly fair. You expect me to READ these things?

[to-be-frank-i-dont-care]

the character ask game: sam from lotr, and kili from the hobbit (yes i have a crush on the latter do not mock my suffering)

~~Sam~~

First impression: I don’t honestly remember my first opinion of him when I first read the book, or when I first saw the movie. I think I was pretty excited about him though because he was one of my mom’s favorite characters, and I thought he was cool :) (I first read/watched lotr back in 7th grade, so…kinda dim memories lol)

Impression now: I love Sam; he’s such a great character and is so loyal and amazing. I will confess, he does annoy me a bit at times BUT ONLY BECAUSE I HAVE A FRIEND (the same friend who recently joined tumblr, actually) who would always claim that Sam was the best character and that he was way higher than anyone else, and that irked me because not everyone’s favorite character has to be the character you’re supposed to like the most. So sometimes I’m reminded of that…(but this was years ago, again, and she’s much different now)

Favorite moment: THE SAMWISE THE BRAVE MOMENT, because the musiiiiicccccc. Also the part where he remembers Rosie dancing—“she had ribbons in her hair” 😭😭😭

Idea for a story: hmmmdehmmm…well I’ve always wanted to know just exactly what Sam said to Rosie in that scene when they get back to the Shire; so that would be a good idea for a fic :)

Unpopular opinion: He should have been just a wee bit nicer to Gollum; yes, Gollum was despicable and awful, but in the books he was actually fairly decent for a few chapters, and Sam flat out refused to even give him a chance. :/ I always feel really bad for Gollum, especially after listening to Gollum’s Song a number of times (I’ve seen that it’s a conversation between Gollum and the ring, but I think it could also be between Gollum and Sméagol) and it always makes me a little sad to see Sam just not even give him a chance

Favorite relationship: ROSIEEEEE

JUST LOOK AT THEMMMMMM (they had thirteen children, by the way!!)

Favorite headcanon: uhhhh….ok I actually really liked that one post I reblogged recently about Sam thinking Elves would die if anyone was mean to them, and trying to protect Legolas.“Mr. Sir Blond Elf Prince” 😂😂😂

~~Kili~~

*I would never mock you, I totally had a crush on him too*

First impression:

twelve year old me: *jaw drops*

twelve year old me: w-who is that

twelve year old me: can I marry him

twelve year old me: HE DIED???? OH CRAP NO *proceeds to write a super long fic where Tauriel’s necklace magically brings him back to life (?????) and a bunch of dramatic crap happens such as when Elrond chases them up a tree FOR NO APPARENT REASON…*

Impression now:

Eh he’s cool lol, don’t have a crush on him anymore

Favorite moment: well…I really like the part where he goes absolutely insane after Fili dies. It’s so sad, but at the same time he just snaps and it shows how deep his devotion for his brother is :(

Idea for a story: definitely NOT the cheesy one that I myself wrote, but definitely an au where he and Fili meet Merry and Pippin…and maybe some more people *coughs and looks at the thing I’ve been working on for several months*

Unpopular opinion: I liked the Tauriel relationship thing. (The love triangle was a little much, but Kili and Tauriel were pretty cute).

Favorite relationship: his crazy I-could-kill-you-but-we’re-bros-so-I-won’t relationship with Fili XD

Favorite headcanon: well hhhHHHHMMmmm…I think he would really like Cosmic Brownies (stupid, but I couldn’t think of anything lol)

Thanks for the ask lovely! Also, I’m working on that other one you sent ehehehe *I don’t really know why it’s taking me so long to get around to it*

*im really tempted to find the Kili/Tauriel fic and make a post about all the cringe that happened in it….* 🧐🤔

Send me a character for me to analyze!

[slashingdisneypasta]

Horror Villains / Misc x Reader || Drabbles

Plot: You accidentally summon Beetlejuice because he convinced you that he could help you with your Slasher problem, but he becomes an even worse problem. So, you need your Slasher to help you exterminate him, instead.

Includes: Chucky / Charles Lee Ray and Freddy Krueger

Warnings: It’s got nasty gremlin man in it (Meaning, gross language, dirty jokes and such), and also Slashers (Meaning, gore, swearing, course and suggestive language). Groping (Himself) 

Notes:

Okay, those of you who were with me at MainstreamBaddies; You remember that post I wrote about some rando killer trying to get the reader, so reader goes to the Slasher that’s also trying to kill them for help?

Well this is basically that but with (Movie) Beetlejuice as the rando.

THERE WAS MEANT TO BE MORE CHARACTERS!! But its late and I wanna slep ^^ Hopefully I’ll do Ghostface and Jason tomorrow! 

~~~

THE START / ‘Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice’

“So… “Worrying my bottom lip, I look from the wall where I can think properly to the small, ‘fun size’ version of ‘Beetlejuice’ who’s looking expectantly at me. Excited even. 

Although I guess that’s a given. If I was that small and had the possibility sitting right in front of me, of growing back to full size, and full power again, I’d be jazzed too. But, still, there’s something very off about this guy, and it isn’t just the fact that he’s the size of maybe 2 thumbs snapped off at the knuckle and taped one on top of the other. He’s very enthusiastic.

In a Gollum-Swamp Monster-Chick Hicks kind of way.

“’So’, what? I don’t have all day baaaaaay – well, I do have all day. I got nowhere to be – not many fun joints for a guy to go to at this size, amiright? Yeah, but, that’s not the point! Do you wanna get rida’ your lil’ problem or not? Eh?” Beetlejuice is practically vibrating, like an alarm clock and I have the most impulsive urge to call his name three times just to stop it.

Luckily, I have impulse control.

“Of course, I do. I… “Eyeing him pointedly, I start wringing my hands. “I just don’t want to create a new problem, in its place.”

He rolls his dark, feral racoon-panda eyes, muttering something lightning quick to himself before throwing out his arms and yelling. “BABE! I promise ya, really, sweetheart. Baby-lemon pie-dumpling-doll-dollar-sugar-tea, I’m just gonna fix your problem! All I want in the world right now is t’ cum-plete our deal! Get rida’ your Slasher, and be on my way! Unless theirs somethin’ else you ask of me, eh? When I’m back to my normal size? You know, I’m big in all the right places sugar tit- “

I took a deep, necessary breath in when he started on the ‘something else’ and now have the required breath to drown out the last words. “Oooookay!! I wont need that.” I say quickly, as a statement. He licks his lips. “But, um… Are you sure you can get rid of them?” ‘Them’. The bane of my existence right now. The co-star in the horror movie of my life. That them.

“Trust me, babe-sickle. It’ll be sinch.” For a moment, he looks absolutely calm. No vibrating, no yelling, no talking really fast. And it hits its intended mark – my assurances. Okay.

“Alright.” I wring my hands one last time, then clap them and step back from the town diorama that Beetlejuice is roaming in. I cross my arms, then drop them to my sides and look around, then finally back at the impatient ghost… who’s doing squats. Good grief, how much energy is in this guy? “Beetlejuice.”

He gasps, jumps up to his feet, nearly falling over because his weight landed wrong and then rubs his hands together. “Here we go!”

“Beetlejuice.”

“Oh. You do it right, babe.”

Oh my god, here we go. Hopefully this can’t make my situation any worse- I mean, I am being targeted by a killer. What are the odds that this goofball of a ghost could ruin my life anymore? “Beetlejuice.”

“PRESTO!”

Human! Chucky / Charles Lee Ray – Chucky’s POV:

I figure this is going to be a pain, when a screech tears from the ugly old house before I even get in. Confused, and more then frustrated because this spells out nothing but problems for me for when I get in, instead of the nice peaceful kill I was intending to enjoy, I open the screen door -bitch didn’t even lock the front door, it’s like she wants me to kill her,- and rush up the stairs to where the sound came from. “Hold on, I’m not there yet!!”

What the hell is going on?!

“Look, in my professional experience, the screamin’ doesn’t start til the killer takes out a knife, sometimes even before but not before I even get into the house, lady. The audacity of you, here- “

What am I looking at here?

In front of my eyes, my fucking eyes, stands of course Y/N, my victim. And some kind of zebra - one that’s been dead and left out in the swamp for a fuck-long time. He’s got crazy eyes if I’ve ever seen them, and have you seen mine? That’s saying something. Who is this joker? In my coat, I grip the gun I keep just in case strangulation goes awry, but don’t bring it out just yet. Not until this guy reveals his cards, first.

The guy’s eyes flicker in smug amusement from my face, to my gun pocket -evidently, he realises something’s up. Can’t blame the guy, damnit, -, then whips right around, leaving his back wide open for me and my weapon, to my facepalming victim. I smirk at her. “I take it that’s the guy you want rid of, toots?”

“Uh… yeah… “She looks adorable and awkward. The guy lets go of her waist, which he was holding close to his body as she leaned away before, when I walked in and he literally, and I’ve never seen any person do this before, halted in his tracks. Stopped breathing, stopped shifting, it even seemed like the history around him stopped for that ‘caught’ moment. And I swear I heard the sound of record music abruptly being turned off come from his mouth.

And for some odd reason, I get the feeling he’s not human. Can’t conjure a reason why, though.

I should be saying this shit out loud, I’m wasted on myself.

Figuring this guy’s been hired to get rid of me, I take out my gun. “Okay, you’re gonna have to catch me up on what’s happening... Oh, no? Well, okay.”

BAM!

A bullet flies across the room and sticks into the freak’s chest, and that is the end of things going my way.

Because the force of the bullet somehow sends him slamming across the room and through a wall in the back. His body goes ‘poot’ down two stories outside and theirs a silence that doesn’t last long enough for either Y/N or I to digest what just fucking happened before the bastard’s grotty fucking hand spiders up my spine from behind. I wriggle out of his reach immediately on impact, because it’s like a real fucking spider, and whip around, waiving my gun- which is useless now, of course.

Games are over.

The guy looks over at Y/N and grins, throwing his arms out in a ‘ta da!’ way. She winces and just narrows her eyes in a glare. “What’d you think of that, sweet cheeks? I got a flare for the dramatic, you know? Ssssexy! Eh?” When she sticks her tongue out at him, for lack of any words to respond to that with I guess -I mean, I, can think of some choice words for the guy, but she’s clearly not as creatively gifted in the art of insult as I have been told I am. But, a tongue out works, - he grins the most fucking horny grin I’ve ever seen and clutches his sack. Her jaw drops.

“Where the ever-loving fuck did you pick crazy pants up from??” I ask, looking accusingly at Y/N. She chews on the inside of her cheeks and looks even more awkward then before.

“Truce?” She asks, instead of answering my question. I’m genuinely curious.

I roll my eyes. “Ughh, fine.”

“Oh well that won’t do,” The guy speaks up again, looking between us and letting his Johnson go, thank god. The boys have to breath! “Baby girl, blossom, light of my FUCKING DEATH! You wound me. riGHT IN THE HEART! Let me show you, sweetgums, why that was a bad idea.”

Her eyes widen, and I suddenly feel real unsafe. “How about you don’t- “

“Watch this!”

He turns to me, makes some overdramatic hand gestures, throwing his back out in the process and momentarily acting like he’s out of order.

Then he whips back into action and shoots me with finger guns,

And then suddenly everything around me looks 4 times bigger then before. Oh, well, its that or… I’m closer to the ground.

Because I’m a fucking doll again.

I slowly look up from the little black baby shoes and the edges of the godamn jean jumpsuit, to the infected condom in black and white grease paint. “… You son-of-a-bitch.”

He chuckles and turns to Y/N, and gives her finger guns too, but the only other thing that happens this time is he winks at her. “Now, baby! Time to get hitched!”

“What?!” She shrieks.

Freddy Krueger – Freddy’s POV:

“I’m going to die of boredom before this bitch catches winks. I’m gonna pummel her with the counting sheep she clearly needs when she gets here.” The corners of my mouth lift up from the deep scowl I was wearing before, at the idea. It has merit.  

Behind me the fine folks of Pompeii run for their lives and a red and green striped Vesuvius explodes molten lava over their little town when I remember it’s been 2 days since she’s fallen asleep. Or found some fucking Hypnocil. Or killed herself. Who knows, really. I have a… deadly effect on women.

But damn, it would be a bummer if she killed herself. I was having fun with her. I had plans.

Have, have. I have plans. I won’t give up hope yet.

An hour, or who knows how long later -time is a human construct and doesn’t exist in the dream plain, - , I’m lying on the ground watching Psycho play in the sky when that familiar tingle rushes through me, telling me someone’s entered my world.

I’m just getting up and brushing myself off, taking my damn time like she left me to wait -besides, I can turn back time and make it seem like I appeared instantaneously if I want to. Time’s a construct, remember? And this is my world. I’m just doing this for me, to make me feel better, - when she comes out of fucking nowhere and nearly knocks me over. Im-ee-diate-ly I open my mouth to ask her why she’s so eager, but she beats me to the punch, causing me sadness.

“Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

Hold on, I definitely think there’s something off here. Don’t I make the fucking demands?! “Bitch- ”

“Wake!”

“-I haven’t done anything to you yet.” 

“Up!”

“Goddamn!”

What is going on here!?

“I’ll do anything you want, just please. Wake me up!” Her eyes are deadly serious, and I can’t help the greedy smile I get at her submissive idea. What could have made her this way? I laugh.

“Ohhh, I’ll think it over. Tempting offer, though~” She lets out a growl and let’s go of me in pure frustration, looks around quickly for something and then lays eyes on my glove. She picks it up, and my eyes widen in surprise at what she does next.

The blade slices through the skin in her upper arm before I can take any control of the situation, and a nauseous feeling suddenly rolls me and she whimpers from the pain of slicing herself open, as the world goes blurry around us and she wakes up- of course, still holding my glove, which is attached to me, so I go with her.

“Fucking he- “

Much quicker than you think it will be, we both turn up back in the fucking reality. She hops up immediately and flies across the room to a first aid box.

I’m just assuming, I mean. Because I don’t make any move to leave the bed at all and just close my eyes and groan, and resist the urge to cry.

I hate this placceeeeeeeeee.

“BABES, YOU’RE BACK!”

Now I resist the urge to scream and phase out of existence, because a man just appeared on the bed with me and called me his babes. Instead, I slowly turn my head to him and sinisterly narrow my eyes- and hope he doesn’t notice my distress from a second ago.

I’m starting to understand why Y/N was so intent on getting back here. If this guy, a dung beetle with… oh, god. Clearly, some kind of terrible illness if that smell indicates anything, was hanging around me while I slept, I’d be… slightly bothered too. If only for the stink!

He squints, and while he does, his hair flickers through the various colours in the rainbow, confused. “Sweetbottom, theirs something different about you. Did you get contacts?”

As a knee jerk reaction, I stab him in the gut with my blades. “Stranger danger, bitch!”

My panic dissolves into glee as I jerk the knives upwards… just to turn back into panic when he starts tearing all the way in half from my stab wound up to the top of his head with minimal effort from me. I gulp, and retreat from him to where Y/N is, taping her bandages securely around her arm. I gesture to the freak who’s padded onto the floor and is zipping himself back together in front of my eyeballs. “… the fuck is that?”

“That’s Beetlejuice, he’s a ghost=

“With the most, baby.” ‘Beetlejuice’ stands up straight and rests his hands on his hips, chest puffed out and winks at Y/N. 

“-What do we do?”  She asks, looking with wide eyes at me. 

What does she think I am? The Fairy Godmother of the dead?? I’m no godmoth-

… I could use this. A slow grin spreads across my mouth. “First, you go over there and distract him.” 

For a split second she looks like she’s actually going to go with it, then looks with furrowed, unimpressed eyebrows at me. ‘Beetlejuice’ makes grabby hands at us, and she starts to look more panicked by the second. “And what will you do??”

I yank the bedroom door open. “Run!!”

[365days365movies]

March 1, 2021: The Hobbit (1977) (Part 1)

In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit.

When I was 9, my school let us read a very special book, originally meant for kids, but beloved by everyone. My folks and I went to Borders Books (FUCK ME, I miss Borders), and we got an illustrated copy of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit. I can’t find that book, but if I ever find it again, Imma buy it IMMEDIATELY, I tell you what. And...oh shit, it’s on Amazon for $12? 

Well. I just made that purchase, I guess. But yeah, I loved that book when I was a kid, and this was during the same year that Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy began, with Fellowship, of course. And I wouldn’t end up watching those until a few years later, but I loved those too when I saw them. And I’ve NEVER seen the abridged version, by the way, I’ve only ever seen the extended editions.

Although, I can’t call myself a hardcore fan. I’ve never read the Silmarillion, for example. Although, weirdly, I wanted it as a kid at some point, so I was almost there. But no, I ended up getting into comic books hardcore instead, so I can’t tell you the history of Tom Bombadil, but I can tell you about at least one of the fuckin’ 87 tieles that the Legion of Super-Heroes has been involved in. I’m not gonna like it though.

...Yes, I will, who am I kidding, I love the Legion. Anyway, I’ve still always been a fan of the franchise, and I was extremely excited when Jackson announced that he’d be doing an adaptation of The Hobbit! Seriously, I WAS FUCKING PUMPED, you have no idea. I re-read the book, I was super-excited...and then Harry Potter changed EVERYTHING. Kind of.

See, Harry Potter’s development as a two films made from one book seemed to kick off a trend. Breaking Dawn and Mockingjay are the two that immediately come to mind, as does this film. However, to be fair...that’s probably a coincidence. Yeah, this film was originally developed as two parts, WAY before Deathly Hallows got that treatment. And even then, Jackson and Del Toro had difficulty breaking it up into two parts, and three ended up being easier. Still...the change from two-to-three does feel a little connected to that trend.

Anyway, in celebration of that decision, I’m gonna break this review into three parts! Yes. Really. I want to see if it works. And so, let’s talk about the other most famous adaptation of this book by talking about its creators.

Yup. Rankin-Bass did 2D-animated cartoons, too! And this was one of their most famous ones, dating back to 1977. But wait! There’s more! This was followed by Ralph Bakshi’s version of Lord of the Rings by a different studio. You know, this one?

Yeah, that one. It was only based on the first two books, Fellowship and Towers. But it was technically unconnected to the Rankin-Bass version. Which is why it was REALLY weird when Rankin-Bass came out with an adaptation of the third book, Return of the King, right afterwards!

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. Because both of Rankin-Bass’ specials were animated by a Japanese studio called Topcraft, who’d actually worked with Rankin-Bass for years. But then, they went bankrupt a few years later, and was bought by Isao Takahata, Toshio Suzuki, and...Hayao Miyazaki. And it was renamed as...

So, this is a Hobbit adaptation produced by the Rudolph people and animated by the people who would eventually become Studio Ghibli. Well, uh...holy fucking shit. Let’s DO THIS BABY. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/3)

As we’re wont to do in this story, we head to Hobbiton in the Shire, where we meet Bilbo Baggins (Orson Bean). A simple Hobbit in a simple home, with a happy and simple life. But one day, he’s approached by Gandalf (John Huston), who seeks a burglar to help with the mission of a group of dwarves, led by Thorin Oakenshield (Hans Conried).

We also immediately start off with two songs from the original book, and I have to say that I like them a but better in the Jackson movies, but they’re still well performed here. Anyway, after dinner, the true goal of their quest is given. Beneath Lonely Mountain, the ancestral home of the Dwarves, there was a kingdom ruled by the King Under the Mountain, Thorin’s grandfather.

Through reading the lyrics of the song “Far over the Misty Mountains,” Thorin tells the tale of the takeover of the Dwarves’ great golden hoard by the dragon Smaug. Bilbo is tasked to help the Dwarves steal back the treasure stolen from them. And, while he’s extremely reluctant to be a part of all this, Gandalf basically forces him to, the pushy bastard. And Bilbo’s Greatest Adventure now lies ahead!

Speaking of, here’s the song “The Greatest Adventure”, sung by Glenn Yarborough, who is the living personification of vibrato. Fuckin’ seriously, this guy’s voice is ridiculous, but I love it so much. As the night passes underneath Glenn Yarborough’s hypnotically shaky voice, and uncertain, Bilbo stares out at the moon. Once it’s over, we’re on our way to the Misty Mountains.

Bilbo’s having a tough time with the long journey and rough weather, and it doesn’t get much better when they encounter a trio of trolls. They send out Bilbo to try and steal some mutton from them, but he’s IMMEDIATELY a failure, and also manages to tell the trolls that the dwarves are present. Nice one, Bilbo. The trolls catch all of the dwarves, although Bilbo manages to escape. 

The trolls argue about how to cook the dwarves, but before they get to do anything, Gandalf shows up and summons the dawn, turning the trolls into stone and saving the dwarves. While they’re initially quite frustrated by Bilbo’s failure, he makes it up by discovering a horde of goods and weapons stolen by the trolls. This is also where Bilbo gets his classic weapon, Sting.

Gandalf, cheeky bastard that he is, suddenly reveals a map that he’s kept secret from Thorin, its rightful owner. Bilbo, a classic cartomaniac, is able to interpret the map. But there are also runes that they can’t quite read. And so, Gandalf brings them to his friend, Elrond (), who’s wearing a sick-ass glittery tiara that’s hovering off his head. How come Hugo Weaving didn’t have that?

Anyway, Elrond identifies the swords that Thorin and Gandalf grabbed as Orcrist, the Goblin-Cleaver and Glamdring, the Foe-Hammer, because FUCK YEAH, BABY, those are some fuckin’ NAMES! WHOOOOOO!

Anyway, he also points them in the direction of the mountain, and shows them hidden features to the map. They head through the mountains after this, and rest in a cave. Unfortunately, this cave is on Goblin territory, and the group (sans Gandalf, who’s disappeared to make out with Cate Blanchett or whatever) is quickly ambushed by a group of now-horned Goblins, who chant their song as they go “Down, Down, to Goblin-Town”. Which is a song that I love, unironically. It compels me to sing along.

The Goblins nearly kill them when they discover Orcrist in Thorin’s possession, but they’re saved by the sudden appearance of Gandalf with the glowing sword Glamdring. He kills the Great Goblin, and the group run out with the Goblins in hot pursuit. Well, except for Bilbo.

Yeah, Bilbo falls into a cavern below the mountain, and the dwarves think him gone for good. However, he’s miraculously safe on the ground, having landed in an underground aquifer, in which lives THE GREATEST CHARACTER IN THE MIDDLE-EARTH FRANCHISE FUCKIN’ AT ME I DARE YOU

And just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about the film version only, I’m talking about Gollum/Smeagol in general. Granted, I don’t want a film starring him or anything (coughCruellacoughcoughMaleficentcoughcoughClaricecoughcough), but I love this dissociative little dude so much. He’s one of my favorite fantasy characters in general, and is also maybe the best example of a sympathetic villain, in film at least.

OK, to be fair, I love Andy Serkis’ version of the character a LOT, like a LOT a lot, and it’s a great version of the character. OK, so what do I think of this version? He’s...interesting, actually. If I’m honest, I kinda like him. This is similar to how I always pictured Gollum when I was a kid.

I mean, listen to this description from the book, yeah?

Deep down here by the dark water lived old Gollum, a small slimy creature. I don't know where he came from, nor who or what he was. He was Gollum - as dark as darkness, except for two big round pale eyes in his thin face...He was looking out of his pale lamp-like eyes for blind fish, which he grabbed with his long fingers as quick as thinking.

I dunno, that does sound more like this version of Gollum to me, just saying. Anyway, while Gollum is off fishing in the water, Bilbo gets up on the shore, where he finds a little golden ring Not important, just a ring, definitely means nothing at all, NOTHING AT ALL, NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

The hungry Gollum (Brother Theodore) happens upon Bilbo, precious, wonders if Bilbo would taste good, and is basically about to kill him for his sweet hobbit meat, before Bilbo takes out Sting. Now afraid, Gollum offers a game of riddles. The two make a deal: if Bilbo wins at a game of riddles, Gollum will show him the  way out. But if Gollum wins, precious will eat him raaaaaaaw and wrrrrrrrrrriggling!

The riddles commence, in a super-fuckin’-classic moment, and also ends with maybe the most bullshit moment in all of fantasy lore. After clever riddles with answers involving eggs, wind, and time, Bilbo’s last riddle is “What’s in my pocket?” The fuck, Bilbo, that’s absolute BULLSHIT!

Not that it matters. Bilbo wins, but Gollum goes to find his ring to show it to Bilbo before he takes him away. Thing is, though, that’s what was in Bilbo’s pocket, which Gollum quickly figures out, my precious. He’s about to kill Bilbo to get back his birthday present, precious, but Bilbo discovers the secret trick of the ring: it turns the wearer invisible, AND THAT WILL NEVER BE A BAD THING EVER.

Gollum thinks that Bilbo’s escaped and runs after him toward the exit. This, of course, leads Bilbo towards the exit inadvertently, and he follows Gollum, then jumps over him to get back. To which Gollum screams the following:

Thief! Thief! Baggins! We hates it! Hates it! Forever!

I hear you, buddy. I hear you. Well, once Bilbo escapes, he reconvenes with the rest, and shares his adventure in the cave, but leaves out the ring. And Gandalf seems to know, based on his dialogue. And I checked, and he figured it out in the book and Jackson movie, too. And I gotta say...WHAT THE FUCK GANDALF

I mean...DUDE. CHECK UP on that shit. Do you wizard job, man! If you’d been like, “Dude...you didn’t find a magic ring that turns you invisible, ight, because we’re FUCKED if you did”, NONE OF THE LORD OF THE RINGS WOULD’VE HAPPENED, AND BOROMIR WOULD STILL BE ALIVE

Everybody talks about the fuckin’ eagles, but WHY DO I NEVER HEAR ANYONE MENTION THIS SHIT? Gandalf the Grey: Middle-Earth’s most irresponsible asshole, I swear...

This seems like a good place to pause, actually. See you in the next part!

[dmsden]

Memorably Villainous – How to develop the “BBEG” of your campaign

Hullo, Gentle Readers. You just wouldn’t believe how many questions this Anonymous person asks! This week, they ask, “How does one come up with a bbeg for their campaign? I've only been a DM for 2 one shots and now I want to write my own. Only problem is that I can't think of a cool villain. I want there to be build up and multiple encounters and eventually they finally get to fight the bbeg. It's hard to come up with an unpredictable story.”

Thanks, Anonymous. Never stop asking stuff! Oh, and, just to be sure everyone’s on the same playing field, the term BBEG means “Big Bad Evil Guy”. Essentially, Anonymous wants to know how to come up with the main villain of their campaign.

Sometimes I start a campaign with that idea – what’s a super high-level monster or character I want to make the villain of my campaign? Once I think to myself, “Oh, I want to make an elder brain lich my villain” or “I want to make an evil anti-paladin who rules the north with an iron fist”, then I plan elements of my campaign around that idea.

I might also go in another way. I might think, “I want to run a campaign using the Keep on the Borderlands as a set piece”. From that concept, I will start thinking of themes like “Ruins of Empire” and “The Fragility of Civilization”. This will eventually assist me in deciding what my villain will be. I might decide that an evil cleric with ties to a nearby dungeon is my main villain, and I might make him more insidious by putting him in the Keep on the Borderlands itself as the main chaplain. I can imagine him offering the heroes potions and healing services, never letting them know that those coins were going to hire more mercenaries that the heroes themselves would battle later on.

Some things to consider when creating your BBEG is how early on the players will know who they are or will feel their presence. I’ve run campaigns where the first level characters have met with the powerful villain right at the beginning of the campaign, only to have him wipe the floor with them but not kill them, sneering at their weakness. I’ve had campaigns where events that happened in the first session of the game alluded to the villain, even though the players wouldn’t meet them until years of game play later. And I’ve run campaigns where the villain has seemed to be a friend or patron early on, only to reveal their true nature much later.

Anonymous talks about trying to avoid predictability. I think this is difficult to do and is, in and of itself, a trap. A truly original story is difficult to come by, and many great villains follow pretty predictable patterns. How great is Darth Vader as a villain? And yet he’s about as stereotypical a villain as one can easily find out there. I think embracing some predictability for the sake of a good and evocative story is perfectly acceptable.

Lord of the Rings is interesting because the villain is, in many ways, the Ring itself. Sauron might be the Dark Lord, but the “PCs” never cross paths with him directly. Instead, they battle his vast armies and his power made concrete in the form of The One Ring. Even Gollum is as much a victim of the Ring as any of the other characters.

I think keeping the players guessing about the main villain is effective, too. In my current campaign, one of the PCs’ family has appeared several times now as a figure called The White Lady, who appears to be both powerful and villainous. Maybe my players thought she was the main evil of the campaign. Over time, however, they’ve learned about another figure called The Grey Lord. Is this the true villain? Time will tell.

I don’t know if I’ve given you the advice you need, Anonymous, but I hope this has at least gotten you thinking. A good villain can be the lynch pin of a memorable campaign. I hope you come up with a fantastic one!