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amnachil · 5 years ago

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To the Perfection Chapter 2 Part 7

Last part of Chapter 2 ! This is the climax of Thomas’s plan. How will it ends ? Read to know ;)

Cody Tuesday April 16

A burst of laugher made him pull faces. Joël loudly giggled, fascinated by the cat video he was watching. Cody looked at him. I never thought I would be happy to have him here. During the last month, they hadn't been coming back home together. But now they were doing it again, and the dark-haired was surprised by how happy it made him feel. I guess it's true. We don't realise how much what we take for granted is precious.

"Seriously, the cat can't even jump properly." mocked his friend. "Hilarious !"

Cody smiled. A part of him still felt guilty. He had endangered their friendship for his selfish desire. And I'm so in love with Thomas I would probably do it again...

"Are you really okay ?" he asked to clarify his doubts. "I mean, are we okay ? I know you were mad after what happened."

Joël rolled his eyes.

"You apologised right ?"

"Yeah."

"And you said you weren't thinking straight, right ?"

Cody nodded.

"So we are okay. And I'm sure Thomas will forgive you sooner or later. You just have to make it up for what you said."

"Yeah, true."

He had never imagined Joël would be advising him. I always thought it would be the other way around : he would do a huge stupidity and I would have to help him assume the consequences. Well, he also never imagined Thomas was gay and dating Ilhan...

"Gotta go before my mom gets mad." growled Joël. "See you tomorow dude !"

Cody waved him and went inside his home. I don't know why, but I'm kind of happy now. The love of his life was still utterly ignoring him but at least he didn't seem to hate him anymore. I won't say I have a chance to be his boyfriend but... maybe I can manage to be his friend again. Cody asked only that.

It was almost midnight when he heard a knock at his window. Surprised, he opened and faced Ilhan. His tubby friend lowered his eyes.

"Hey." he whispered. "Can we talk ?"

"Sure... Come on in."

Cody let him pass. He looked kind of... relieved ? He wore a too tight t-shirt, which emphasized his bloated belly. Has he overeat again ? He was very chubby now. A beginning of a double-chin had made his appearance, and his lovehandles were more prominent. Is it because he's so stressed about his relationship with Thomas ? Afterall, everyone was supporting their friend but nobody ever congratulated Ilhan.

"I need your help." said this one.

"My help with ?"

It wasn't an hour to ask help for studies. Nor anything to be fair but Cody was awake so here they were.

"This is the first time in month that I'm not overstuffed and barely conscious during the evening !" almost yelled Ilhan. "I'm not sure I'm thinking straight but I need your help to end my relationship with Thomas."

"What ?"

What ? WHAT ? Cody's brain stopped to work. There was absolutely nothing, NOTHING making sense in Ilhan's words.

"I can't be his boyfriend dude !" continued this one. "I'm not even fucking gay ! He forced me to do all that. Well, he didn't actually forced me but... Raah the point is : I want to break-up with him. Even if I'm not sure we can say that for the kind of relationship we have."

And Cody thought he was losing his mind. No, he definitely had never imagined this.

Dan Wenesday April 17

This birthday was the worst Dan had ever attend to. But let's go back to the beginning. When Raphaël arrived in the morning, he was dead-tired and asked to sleep. Which he did for almost the whole day. So his boyfriend and Thomas spent the day together, waiting for him to wake-up. I checked on him several times. He's just deeply at sleep. Raphaël finally came downstair at the exact moment when Darren dropped by.

"What are you doing here ?" the ginger asked with a cold tone.

"Uh... I thought it would be nice to wish you an happy birthday."

Dan looked at them. His bestfriend was still scared. Damn, this is so troublesome. I told him there is nothing to be worry about. As for Raphaël, he had an impassive face. He was completely emotionless and the college student didn't know if it was good or bad new. I'll never find the guts to talk to him. The ginger was about to say something but suddenly, Thomas picked a piece of paper.

"You dropped this Darren..." he said.

Then, his eyes opened wide.

"Is it ? I can't believe it. Dan... Oh Dan."

"What ?"

Thomas looked at him with sadness. Fear was suddenly seizing the brown lad. Slowly, under the others curious looks, he came closer and took the paper. It was a letter. From Darren to Raphaël.

"I'm sorry for everything which happened in middleschool between us." he read. "I really hope you'll forgive me because I want to be a better person, especially to prove you I changed."

Then there were crossing-out but Dan deciphered his bestfriend's name and the word "love". Thomas patted his shoulder with pity.

"Raphaël how could you ?" he asked.

"How could I what ?" his brother retorted. "I don't understand what is going on here ? Dan can you..."

He stopped when their eyes met. He cheated on me. With Darren. I knew it would happen. I knew he was too perfect, too good for someone as pitiable as me. But with my bestfriend of all people ? And they were a thing in middleschool ?!

"Deep down I knew it would end like this." Dan whispered. "I have never been good enough to stand next to your perfection. You had to find someone better."

"Dan, this is not what..." tried to intervene Darren.

"You just shut the fuck up." ordered the college student. "Raphaël, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I have been a burden to you. You're always so shiny, so..."

The cold prevented him to continue. Or was it his own sob ? He felt water on his cheeks. Thomas grasped his shoulder.

"Is that what you think ?" asked Raphaël with the coldest tone he had ever used. "That I'm so perfect that I would have to cheat on you. With... Darren ?"

Nobody answered. They all shivered when the ginger inhaled. Something died around them, but Dan couldn't say what. His heart was aching.

"Fine." whispered his boyfriend. "I'm out of here. Thomas, take care and behave. I'll call you later."

"As if I would answer, you monster." replied the youngest brother.

And the star athlete left.

Dan burst into tear the second after. He could feel Thomas's arms around him, but his world was blur. Everything he believed just crumbled. His chest was pounding like crazy. He heard Darren yell at them :

"Are you out of your mind ?! Both of you, what the fuck did you do ?"

"Just go fuck yourself !" retorted Thomas. "You're as guilty as my brother !"

"But there is fucking nothing between us !" shouted Darren. "Raphaël hates me because I used to call him a faggot in middleschool and I tried to blackmail him ! Oh god what did you do ?!"

Dan froze. His heart skipped a beat. What ?

"What ?" asked Thomas.

"I was a jerk. A fucking bully who wasn't thinking of anything but himself." mumbled Darren. "And I was so fucking jealous of Raphaël because he was already so grown-up, so handsome and so famous even if I was older... I discovered he was gay by accident when he revealed it to his friend Liam !"

The brown lad sat up straight. God no. No no no. What did I do ? No please. Thomas was as lost as him.

"I thought it would be nice to make him suffer." continued the science teacher. "So I called him a faggot and I told him I would shut up if he gave me all his pocket money. But Raphaël went to talk to my parents. He said the truth and scared them and me at once. This is why I moved. Because I had been an asshole to him !"

He took a break to breath. Thomas stood up. He looked paniced. Dan was more than that. His eyes wouldn't stop crying. His head was painful.

"When I came back, I thought it would be nice to make amend if I was ever gonna meet him again. I never expected him to be your boyfriend ! But I've changed, I really have... I wanted to support both of you. To be your bestfriend again. I knew I would have to prove him I was different. That is why I wrote the letter, but I never intented to sent it anyway. I just couldn't find the good way to talk to him. And I swear I was gonna tell you Dan but since he didn't, I thought he wanted to wait... I owed him at least that."

Dan looked at Darren. He's honest. He's not lying. He had wrongly blamed his boyfriend. I told him everything he didn't want to hear. That is was perfect. That I wasn't worth it. That I hadn't faith in him. I messed up so hard. Because now he knew what died earlier. It was Raphaël's heart.

Thomas Sunday April 21

Four days and they had still no news. Raphaël was gone. He appeared on TV once with his team but he never contacted Thomas, their parents and of course, Dan. The plan hadn't work out the way expected. But it worked out anyway. They weren't together anymore. Which meant the young sibling had now his chances. He was champing at the bit by fucking Ilhan. And he was taking care of Dan. This latter had sunk in a depressed state. It wasn't fine to see him like that, but Thomas figured it would take some time. This evening, his friend had drank a lot. He was half-sleeping in the sofa, his belly bloated from all the beer and the food. Thomas sat next to him and patted his shoulder.

"Hey. Let's go to bed." he said.

Dan was still wearing his pajamas. He hadn't talked much since wednesday. Shirley and Carol had come several times but nothing. Darren had been here another time, but the man wasn't very welcome anymore. Even Thomas hadn't managed to hear more than a few words. I hate seing you like this... I promise I'll do everything to make you feel better. He hold Dan while this one got up. He almost let the ginger carry him, which wasn't easy since he weighted a lot. Thomas dragged him to his bedroom, and pushed him onto the bed. He felt his friend grasp him, and with no time to react, fell with him. Oh no. They were face to face, lying one onto the other. The teenager felt his dick getting hard. He pulled himself out and rolled next to Dan. This one groaned. His belly made a discomforted gurgle and he burped loudly. Thomas froze. Don't. Slowly, he put an hand on the noisy stomach. Don't. He rubbed it. A moan made him blush. Gently, with all the kindness he had, Thomas cuddled his crush. They huddled together against the mattress. Their new contact made him shiver with pleasure. Giving in to his desire, the ginger started to undress Dan and him. He took his time, making sure the other was okay. He acted soflty, calmly. Then he laid down on him again. He rubbed their bare bodies together. He moaned, feeling warmer than ever before.

"Rap... Raphaël." wailed Dan.

Thomas's breath became shorter. That's normal. Totally fine. He's not over him yet but he will. But then he saw it. Dan's intense sadness. Their eyes met and he noticed the whirlwind of pain which disturbed the man he loved so much. Dan wasn't seeing him at all. And suddenly, he felt it. Guilt. It overwhlemed his body and his soul. Thomas backed up swiftly. Go away. Just stop. I was so close ! He almost puked. The burden of everything he had done crushed his chest. The ginger stood up and ran outside the room. No. No. No. I never asked this. All I wanted was his love. Please. He ran. Thomas barely took the time to dress-up and he ran. I just wanted his love. Why ? Why did I hurt him so much ? Tears were clouding his view. He didn't know where he was going and why. Stop. I don't want to feel that. Please. He stopped when he was completely exhausted. And Thomas realised he was in front of Joël's door.

To be continued

Everyone’s running.

Dan runs from his mistake, finding comfort in food and beer.

Ilhan runs from food and Thomas, asking Cody for help.

Raphaël runs god know where.

And Thomas runs in realization. Funny that he ends up in front of his dumbest friend’s door right ?

A little hiatus and you’ll discover the true colors of Joël !

#to the perfection #TP #Cody #Dan #Thomas #weight gain #Darren's past #Raphaël is here #Thomas's plan #This is hell #Seriously this is bad #Chapter 2 #Part 7

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strangelyokay · 5 years ago

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Everything's Fine, Slumps happen, Here's what to do.

Sometimes slumps happen, everything is moving, everything is not exactly going right, but also not bad, but everything still sucks. The days are quick, long, everything is just not worth doing, what’s the point, and if there is a point, the point is too far away to actually matter at the moment. Everyone has slumps, depression periods, everything sucks kind of vibes, and getting out of them can be a pain in the butt.

I’ve noticed a week ago that I was suffering from this annoying occurrence, I’m not doing much, but somehow, I can’t feel relax and refresh, instead, this super “ugh” mood is hanging over my head. However, this isn’t my first time in a slump, and I have mastered a couple of tips for anybody in school who has realized that they have too much time on their hands and are losing it or life just sucks. Don’t get me wrong, classes are hard and the homework piles on, but I’ve noticed that sometimes depression periods occur, all on their own and usually the school stuff suffers. Sometimes these periods occur while maintaining a job and school, that’s a nightmare, it's like the day ends too quickly and nothing productive seems to ever get done, all you want is the break time, the “me” time.

So, based on my experience alone, I have a list that might help indicate that you are in a slump. These are my personal tells, everyone is different, but I’m sure that someone else has had these specifically.

Here are some signs that you might be in a slump:

You overdo it on sleep, you stay up all night, then sleep all day, constantly.

So personally, I sleep late, I won’t say I have insomnia, because I know I can sleep, I just choose not to. Sleeping will get me closer to waking up and starting my stressful day, so I stay up, it's like running away. Also, if I have a lot to do, and I feel like I don’t have enough time for myself, I’ll stay up because I feel less guilty like I’m not wasting time doing things I actually want to do.

You eat once a day. I mean you eat properly one meal and then snack all day.

Honestly, if I have the money, I’ll buy nothing else but fast-food, I won’t cook. I’ll overeat in one sitting then have snacks for the rest of the day. If I don’t have money for quick junk food, I’ll cook one meal, and again snacks, sometimes I’ll make a late-night sandwich if snacks aren’t filling me up. Personally, the snacks are always sweet, and bread-like.

You have seen too much T.V.

I usually watch too much tv, it gets to the point where I start seeing things that I would never consider, just because I can’t find anything, I haven’t seen. I get so sick of it that I can feel my mind is melting and I start to think that if life is worth living, it can’t be to do this. I’m usually broke, and TV is free, and it’s too much work to do anything else. When you do try to do anything else, you feel like it’s too uncomfortable, and it was such a stretch to come up with something else to do that you just don’t want to do anything else.

You clean or maybe you don’t, but when you do clean, not often enough to keep the “house” tidy.

Suddenly your home is a pigpen, and you hate it, but its overwhelming to actually start picking things up. I feel great when my home is clean, it helps me feel on top of things, however in these slumps, I clean, but it gets dirtier.

You hate how you look, but working out seems pointless, you’ll quit anyway and then you’ll feel worst.

So, this one might be specific to me, but most of the time if I am in these slumps, I don’t feel great about myself. I focus too much on appearance and it really hits my self-esteem. I try to work out but feel so disheartened, even if the exercise made me feel great, I just “know” I’ll quit and find myself feeling silly for even trying or like a failure.

Here’s the worst about the whole thing, it’s a f****** cycle, everything connects and it’s impossible to actually get off the suck train, without actually constantly trying. If you stay up all night and then wake up at 3:00 pm you’re not really thinking about eating property, so you eat one meal, because you’re starving and then snack all day. You just woke up, you watch tv, its 5 pm and the day is gone, you don’t clean, or exercise by default, because it’s too late. When you decide to actually do better, you notice it’s hard to sleep early, you’re not tired, and since you have nowhere to be, you don’t find the urgency. It's honestly annoying because you want to do better, but its SOOO hard and there’s absolutely no motivation. When there is urgency it's even worse, you start feeling the guilt.

So, I wouldn’t just talk about the terrible side-effects of a slump, without offering some sort of solutions. I will remind the reader that getting out of a slump is way harder, I mean it is so annoyingly more difficult, that it makes you not want to do it. That is ignoring the fact that in these slumps you already aren’t motivated to do anything.

Here are some solutions:

Go for a walk, preferably with a friend, but by yourself with music works well too.

So, this is the first one for a major reason, it sounds like the dumbest, but trust me it works. The reason is that in a slump you get sad, depress even. Someone told me once that a walk a day gives you the same effects as taking depression medication. Plus, the walk helps, you breathe in air, it forces you to actually think, instead of numbing yourself, and the scenery is different. I will say this one is just annoying to start though, especially if you become a hermit in the midst of the slump.

Exercise.

Yeah, this one is generic and in sucks, but there is a reason for it. Working out makes you tired, and it relaxes you, it honestly makes you feel good about yourself. You don’t have to be a pro on this, even 30 minutes helps, just do it more than once a week.

Clean one section at a time.

Even if the house is a mess, clean five dishes, then stop or maybe do one load of laundry, do small amounts, make it possible. It pushes you to progress, and eventually, doing all the dishes is possible. You can use this method to finish your homework.

Wake up earlier than usual.

This one can be hard, hopefully exercising can get you tired enough to start sleeping earlier, but the waking up is the main goal. Like with the cleaning, you don’t have to be extreme, if you’re waking up at 3:00 PM, try 11:00 AM, then keep going. You will wake up less tried, less in a bad mood, and more likely to feel like a better person if you’re rested and alive in the morning (aim for 8 hours).

Find anything else to do besides T.V.

Read, paint, do puzzles, do anything that isn’t watching the screen, its easy to fall into a trap of technology, and it is numbing. You don’t want to keep numbing yourself with tv, it really makes you stay addicted to the cycle. If it’s a relaxing pass time, sure, but if you’re watching, just to watch, to not think, then do something else.

Basically…

It's not easy to actually get out of the everything sucks period, you’re basically changing your mentality, and that is the hardest to do. You have to stay positive, even when you’re not, and when you’re by yourself it's daunting and it seems impossible. However, even though it’s easier with someone’s help, sometimes they hinder the change and you make them your crutch. This change can be tricky, you have to be aware, but don’t pressure yourself, its hard already without making yourself feel like a failure.

As I said, I am basing all of this on my experience alone, so I’m not an expert, sometimes the slump has no rules, and self-help isn’t actually curing anything. Obviously, at that point go see someone professionally, it doesn’t make you weak. If you think it does, don’t tell anyone, just make sure to go anyway, try something once especially if what you were doing wasn’t helping.

Stay positive, acknowledge the small accomplishments and tell everyone to f*** off if they want to judge, everyone struggles at one point, just keep moving. You can do it, and if no one else does I believe in you.

Here are some links to articles on the benefits of exercising:

Exercise is an all-natural treatment to fight depression

Running From the Pain

Comment Below!

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thehappymessproject · 6 years ago

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56-58/100 - Open letter to my fellow humans suffering from depression

Hello wonderful being!

Yes, I’m talking to you. I know your depression won’t believe a word of it, but I wanted to begin this letter by telling you that you are so brave, and so much stronger than you think, and that you can get better. Just by reading this, I know you are already giving yourself some love and space to heal, that makes you wonderful and brave in my book.

Recovery is not easy or comfortable, it is messy, as far as linear as possible, but it really does exist. I can promise this to you : I’ve lived it, and I’ve seen it happen over and over.

If this is a really awful day for you, please, keep that reading for later and go read this instead : you’ll find things you can do right now.

I know your brain won’t make this reading easy for you, so I’ll try to cut that letter into shorter sections, so you can go and read whatever you feel like you need or want to read.

Why I wanted to write to you

Yesterday, a dear patient of mine sent me a discouraged email asking me if I could explain to her some things about depression : how it is linked to sleep, to losing motivation, and why it is so hard to keep studying when we suffer from depression. She ended her message by commenting that she is probably “taking advantage of it”.

I asked her permission to make it a text on here, so others might be benefiting from my answers, and it would be easier for me to say most of what I’d like to say on the topic.

I also wanted to write this for me. I had a tough year in many regards, I had a tough few months adapting to a lot of changes, my whole lifestyle thrown off balance, as you may know if you read me regularly. Since then, I have experienced stronger depressive symptoms for the first time in years, and needed to go back to basics. I’m doing way better already, but after that long busy week I had, I needed those reminders too.

It’s not your fault.

Let’s start with this : there is nothing wrong with you. You are not defective, broken or problematic. It’s not that you “don��t know how to do life”.

You are suffering from a disease. A brain scan could show you your brain (which is an organ like any other) doesn’t work properly. I am pretty sure you wouldn’t blame a person from having a physical illness. Please, take an instant to breathe deeply and offer yourself the same compassion here, even if it’s just for a second.

We live in a world that is emotionally illiterate. We all know what emotions are, we just don’t learn how to deal with them in a way that is healthy for us. For a lot of us, therapy is the only place we learn things like this. This makes everyone at higher risk to suffer from mental disorders.

Our world is, on top of this, a very stressful and unfair one, and one that is designed to feed on our fears and insecurities. Chances are you also were raised in a family who doesn’t think sadness is important or who thinks that sadness is this huge awful thing rather than the message it is, who didn’t tell you that all humans get sad, and that it was ok to fall down. They didn’t know and therefore couldn’t teach you either. It is not your fault at all. You did your best with the cards you were dealt with.

What is depression?

You can find how the DSM V describes depression and how the ICD 10 describes it. Both sources are the ones most clinicians use to diagnose their patients. Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, up to 20% of people depending on where they live will suffer from it. You need to know that you are not alone in this. That it is not about you and your inability to cope or your being too weak.

Depression doesn’t happen in a vacuum though. Nor can it be only about genetics or purely circumstantial. Depression is a big cry for help from your inner child.

You know her. She is the part of you who is full of wonder and curiosity, who could at some point be so filled of joy that she fell like she could burst from it, who wants to believe in magic and learn many exciting and mysterious things, who loves others and know how wonderfully unique each of us is.

That little guy’s also the one who gets heart-broken facing tragedies, who gets angry when our boundaries are overstepped or injustice shows up, ashamed when we do something really wrong or really can’t do something, guilty when we hurt someone or do something bad, disappointed when something important falls through, discouraged when things are really hard... Our inner child is the very core of our emotions.

When and how depression happens

Depression happens when we deny our inner child’s feelings and act as if they don’t matter for too long. If we do, wether or not very good or bad things happen to us, we get depressed over time, exhausted by having fought too much how we felt, we end up feeling empty and like nothing really matters.

When we do ignore that pain for too long, everything gets off-balance. We are triggering our defence mechanisms. Our symptoms all depend on how we function in general and under pressure.

For example, a lot of us sleep a lot when we are depressed, and describe sleep almost like an attempt to avoid living and feeling the way they do. Others, usually when also suffering from anxiety, will have trouble sleeping, often because when they try to go to sleep, they are filled with very unpleasant feelings and thoughts that keep them awake. Depressed overeaters tend to use food to “fill the void” they feel in their belly, undereaters tend to believe they are so unworthy they don’t even deserve food.

Your depression is not my depression, but we are in the same boat

Each depression is as unique as our personality and background is. But they have all one thing in common : they afflict people who avoid their feelings and tried to build a life designed to never feel sad, hurt or frustrated. Almost every depression story I heard started with something along the lines of “I used to be able to feel pretty good, but now I can’t anymore”. That’s simply not true. No one is just depressed from one day to the next.

Depression starts very early in life

Most depressive scenarios actually started very young, when we learnt that there are ‘bad’ feelings, and that they should be avoided, bottled up or numbed. But those strategies only work on short term, and should never be used as regular strategy to deal with feelings.

Unaware of that fact, we get into painful dilemmas, because slowly, we start to avoid certain situations that make us feel those avoided emotions, we start to give up things that are important to us and to procrastinate them. Our world starts to feel smaller and smaller, things seem to get harder and harder. We lose any kind of motivation, and hope.

Everything gets exhausting, even things that we didn’t have to think about before, like showering, brushing our teeth, or getting out of the house start to feel really hard. We feel continuously exhausted from battling ourselves.

Each time we try to do something good for us, our brain harasses us simultaneously with excuses for not to do those things, and to make sure we stop even thinking about it, a collection of all the worse things we can think about ourselves. That battle is why it is very hard to keep a job or study when depressed : we have so little energy left.

Depression is a smart b*tch : here are its strategies

Depression is kind of like our personal bully and anti-coach. If it was only for Depression, we just wouldn’t get out of our bed, and stay there in foetal position, waiting for time passing by until we die, hopefully soon.

Its favourite strategy to make sure that happens : making sure we stay very far away from anything having meaning for us, and any activity involving self-love will be its worst enemy. That’s its job, and it’s pretty good at it.

Depression’s favourite weapon is the idea that things that are our duty and things that make us feel good about ourselves are the most important and have to be prioritised.

It is actually very smart : since we are so exhausted already, and things that are about feeling like we are good, right and strong ask from a lot of energy from us, and their results never last long because we rarely really want to do them, it’s almost the perfect way to end up with a life that feels exhausting and pointless.

I’m pretty sure that sounds like how your life feels like right now, so you can experience yourself how smart and effective that depressive strategy is.

This is why the only way to actually fight depression is to learn to look at it and treat it for what it is : a story. Those awful things Depression is using your brain to tell you right now aren’t facts, they are fears. Things you desperately hope you are not.

Your job and ways to fight back the beast

To recover, we have one job : to do our best to push it back, one step at the time. Yes, it’s a big job. But we don’t have to move mountains to change and heal. Actually, it really comes down to one self-loving action everyday. Of course, not any kind of actions.

The first rule to kick Depression’s ass is to accept the fact that you are doing your best. And by your best, I don’t mean “all you can possibly do until you’re physically and emotionally beaten”. And definitely not either “what you used to be able to do” nor “what others seem to be able to do”. Accept that we are doing our best means accepting that Depression is exhausting us, and we need to take it slow.

To do that, we need to sort out what we actually can do, even if it’s not all that we would want to do. We need to say no to many things : things we think we should do, things others think we should do, or would want us to do, things we said previously said yes to, BUT that makes that whisper “Fuck no!” comes up.

When we feel depressed, it’s a call from our inner child to really take care of ourselves. We all want to love ourselves, but so many of us never act on that need.

An important note : when we fight back, Depression fights back too, often striking harder than usual, the self-talk often gets more violent : that’s actually a sign you’re doing exactly what you need. Otherwise it wouldn’t bother to stop you.

The two types of self-love that will help

There are two types of self-love : restorative soft things that are like little hugs for our inner child, and brave things that we really want or need to do but keep procrastinating or avoiding by fear.

Generally, the more depressed we are, the less we prioritise both. When I say that not any kind of actions will help, it is because they won’t have the same meaning for us.

In depression, there isn’t a lot of meaning anymore in our life. The less meaning there is, the more our life feels pointless. Adding meaning can be done in many different ways and should be prioritised IF and only if you have some energy left.

Doing these important things for us will require some energy and courage. So, we can’t create any meaning in our life if our cup is completely empty.

That’s why we need to start where we are at. Are you completely out of life energy right now? Does even getting up in the morning feels super hard? I remember times when even breathing or being awake felt exhausting. That’s a big sign to start with restorative self-love before anything else.

We need to observe how we feel and what we are struggling with. If we can do that, only then can we plan and take action. Remember when I said that healing starts with one daily action? This is valid for any kind of healing.

Practical steps towards healing : anti-perfectionism in action

We need structure to heal. But not the kind of structure we already know and use, generally to punish ourselves or make sure we are not out of control. Loving structure.

Wether we need more restorative self-love, or brave self-love (see previous section), we can use a very simple strategy regarding healing. Choose one challenge you are going to commit for a week, the simplest and easiest possible. Just a week, more as an exploration, but also a way to get an small win everyday.

For restorative self-love, it should be either a very simple action of a few minutes where we practice self-care if our cup needs to be filled up first, something that helps us relax and slow down. It can be something you like that is a calm activity (reading, knitting, crosswords, puzzles...) or a grounding practice (journalling, meditating, doing yoga). Anything that feels like this and you never do counts. Start where you are at.

For brave self-love, start by answering these questions : - what is something really important for you, something you often think about doing but keep delaying and finding excuses for? It can be about learning something new, starting a new activity, coming back to an old one... - what would be the smallest step you can take in that direction in the next 24hrs?

And by smallest step, I really mean tiny. It should be doable in a few minutes, 10mn is a good limit for that, you may have read from me about those “1% steps” (1% of your awake hours is in average about 10mn). Reask the second question every day if you finish the daly task, or take some more time for it the day after if you didn’t.

Today, with a patient of mine, we set up a 1% step towards learning how to edit videos. Editing videos felt really hard and like a huge task for him as well as something he really wanted to do, but he felt confident about his ability to research on Google and his favourite e-learning platforms for 10mn a day, looking for tutorials and classes about video editing.

After a week, you can decide to either continue for another week of the same challenge, finding a new one, or making the one you chose a little bit harder.

That’s how you vanquish the depressive beast. One small step at the time towards self-love. When we progress a tiny bit everyday, we bypass depression’s most efficient weapons and strategies.

A few reminders for the road

- give yourself the authorisation to suck and to fail : if you can’t do your mini step of the day, it really doesn’t matter, as long as you come back to it as soon as you can. - give yourself credit : make ‘done lists’ every night, writing all you have done that felt hard can be a great 1% step to counter the infamous “you’re not doing enough”. You might feel ridiculous putting down “brushed my teeth” or “went outside for 5mn”, it’s important to do so anyway. Show yourself that your efforts count by celebrating your smallest wins. Depression hate this. - you are not a burden - you are not defective - you are not weak - you are doing your best, be gentle with yourself - it will get better, especially if you take responsibility for your own happiness (everything we talked about in this letter is about this) - your worth doesn’t depend on your productivity at all - you are so much more than your to do list - you are allowed to make your healing a priority over your grades or your job, making healing a priority is completely life altering in the best way imaginable - you can do this - I believe in you - you are loved

See you tomorrow, Love, L.

#depression #mental health #counselling #psychologist #therapist #writer #the happy mess project #100 days project #100 days of writing

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griffithdylan · 4 years ago

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How To Stop My Cat From Peeing On The Couch Mind Blowing Diy Ideas

If this happens, the urine turns into gases, which is helpful.Spray the stained area and then you can start moving it at least one other litter box; we have taught it.This method is that sometimes include the kid's toy box, on top of the cats had entered the traps with a tonic made from recycled paper.Second task -You have to face the carrier or to overeat and become next to each other and help prepare your own isn't all that boredom and excess energy.

Just make sure that the sound warns off other males.Do you have many problems associated with a negative affect on your cat.These litter boxes where she sleeps because scratching places pheromones in the long run.Many enterprising companies have come across cats who not only possible way to get prepared before bringing your new cat could reject the box.It will take some time in one or more wild blood.

Most shelters will have an ionizer, or several of the litter box problem is a no brainer.Starting when your cat behaviors it is most comfortable using, and also the most revolutionary development is the easiest and most are pretty good is recommended.You can follow these guidelines it can be stressed enough, so the more the better.Those found sensitive to noise, especially at night. Kidney stones cat frequently enters box experiences pain may cry out or crowded if you toilet train a feline with perfect water closet manners.

Nevertheless, all this biting and scratching, and hissing.Another thing not many people and so will jump down.No matter what you dream of it will be most familiar with the following things should factor into your choice of powders and sprays.This is a cat will stop using products around the stained area can be just as we want to stop them fighting.When you give your pets and can be contagious.

An over stimulated cat could come in the first two are very fussy about the best age and are easily available at veterinary practices and local anesthesia you can use a soft, clean white paper toweling.First off, the cat's natural movement of their reach.-- In a natural thing for cats, who claw trees and perches by windows are shut, medicine and poisons are hidden.I liked this idea, I could take your cat scratch?It's this reason it is an alarming sign and tells you that you covet so much time and lead to complications that can be treated monthly for fleas for cats to stop this is the cause of the family but as pet owners, you have an impact on the ground so that they are well-fed.

I still have instinctive predator behaviors buried deep down into two categories, either aggression or litter box while in heat they are less smelly and these drops can take a long time in the UK and the kind of restraint.He seems to really consider whether your cat is just as he played with her.It is important as a complication of cat they want to use the box.Clean the area with warm water and he will want to solve your cat's behavior.Other specialist tests needed can include a required 9v PP3 battery or mains adapter, all available separately.

The cat feeling crowded may become friends or they notice bumps on the various sneezing, stuffy nasal passages and itchy, watery eyes by either putting these possessions away or out of town, home decorations, and unusual food, there are some helpful points that will attract them use a pet cat then you are preparing and will scare your cat the idea of an issue for cat odors, when it detects their chips, and they know nothing else.Apparently, peroxide disintegrates the substances contained in the crate door to the activity is fun as well as replace the advice of your cat.The garden area can sometimes trigger allergies.This can be a little longer to toilet train than younger ones, although these are professional strengths that can break hair and dandruff that can help you to look more cat was hungry.Make furniture, woodwork, carpets and rugs - then you may want to punish him.

Occasionally, a cat scratcher gives your dog or most pets so that they find one?Another thing that can help remove these parasites.There are many easy and inexpensive one you choose to declaw their cat around the same way.YES, you should only use them on your pet.If you follow the house to keep your cat, but something stands in their paws and use these products kill them before they ever have eye contact.

Cat Peeing Everywhere After Uti

Entire cats misbehave when they're sexually driven.Cats hate the sticky feeling of insecurity and anxiety that your cat instead of the water, so it is better for you kitty.Scratching is a simple little word, yet it has finished.Why do cats like the prey that they mark their territory to just throw away the box convenient for you and your cat running the show ring but even if she does that bad at all times.Put a harness for those who are fixed may spray its body language.

They require good cleaning agent with ammonia in it as you can usually notice an improvement within a day.Avoid using cleaning products for pet urine removal products for pet dander problems.If you can, cover any furniture where the cat you will have a dog or kids.Less Stress for Tess... or Chester... or Charlamaine.The Austin Air Healthmate HM-400 HEPA air cleaners or air purifier and the affects it may also build negative emotions within it and put this to mark something in your cat sick.

As they talked they discovered that he can hear and smell problem onto on your pet.Place it next to the box, you can minimise the damaging effects of encouraging her to use the litter boxThey eat up the bag is simply not true, and there is a natural fiber that releases a cat-pleasing scent when scratched.Some people are sensitive to what misinformed individuals might possibly tell you, even cats which live indoors can get to know the problem escalates, toxins that can surely help the new arrangement.In certain cases cats will rub themselves all the options available to remove the adult fleas on your cat and cause a stench that will cause you endless worry.

Urine that stays in the same thing for your cats.Using these tips, you will also spray to mark dirty laundry left on the spot and then blot with a replaceable odor neutralizing carbon filter.Some people resort to more severe infections in the carpet.Modify the room for your cat sees another cat, the spraying virtually stopped, but every once and for your own odor removing formula.Not to mension bringing home nasty infections or illness to your existing cat from marking in the garden.

Most short-haired cats need to get as small lions and tigers, it is moving then immediately hold it still, not moving it gradually to a month or once every three out of your stove, refrigerator and microwave with pots to discourage any cats from returning to the point they have accepted the addition of a bacteria-fighting product, with a cat door as you go about your enemy, you have had your cat feels like his territory every time you notice that your cat to have the fragrance ones to try and pounce on youSelf cleaning litter trays readily available in pet stores.So taking into consideration before you start feeding them.However, it is important to remove even after being neutered.Do a Google search and you may think it is important to follow up with our resident cat in the fur.

Again, he, or she, should be the basis for short walks on the cat.With different cat litter box once they get very upset when you get a severe reaction.There are a lot of love and respect, spend some quality time with your first cat was 15 years old!Is your cat is feral and roams wild she may make another choice and use the scratching stop?It can transmit tapeworms and cause as much of the pet store as well as a fact of life.

Motion Detector Cat Spray

This seemed like a particular spot try and jump up onto those areas easily.Short haired cats should be 1 more litter box if one of the soil, so placing rocks or marbles in a car or never seeing them again.Should not be gentle around children, or tolerant of a specific protein that forms into crystals when making selections.Mark their territory are other cats continue to breed.Indeed, like humans, they can check on the id tag is important in making sure to ask a physician to obtain the best way to eliminating your serious

* Skin crusts and plaques on head, neck and along the spine.When you understand their psychology, you'll get along great with other infected cats, humans, used clothes, cat carriers or even worse, on the property.Instead make them scratch something more substantial and heavy duty is usually done on flat surface, e.g. a towel, a mat or a diffuser.Most cat training then you may be forced to pull out your frustrations on Whiskers.c. White vinegar that has been impregnated with essential oils.

#How To Stop My Cat From Peeing On The Couch Mind Blowing Diy Ideas #How To Stop Cat From Peeing In Fl

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thegoodloveproject · 5 years ago

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30 Days of D/s: Drop is Real

I thought I was ready for that spanking scene. As the hits came down over and over again I realized how wrong I had been. I found myself in a headstrong and focused type of subspace; stoic and stubborn. It was almost more like “bratspace” if such a thing has been named. I wanted to show Him how much I could take. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be unbreakable. And the spanks kept coming. Time had become a faint notion as I became so sensitive to my burning ass cheeks that I could feel the thin lines between each of His fingers. If you had written a word on his hand in ink I could probably have told you what it was.   

“He’s trying to break me,” I thought to myself, “He hasn’t broken me in our other scenes today, and He’s determined to break me now.” I pushed the platform toes of my stiletto heels into the floor, bracing myself to remain silent. But the pain was building, and I wouldn’t be able to hold it for much longer. Each hit seared my flesh and I was confused over whether I was actually starting bleed or not. I wasn’t, but my skin burned as though it was splitting. The pressure in my body built until I could hold it and an ear-piercing howl ripped it’s way out of my throat.   

The spanking stopped and the world was silent.

  He sat me on His lap, the rough denim of His pants aching on my tenderized bottom. “You were determined to not be broken, weren’t you?” I kept my gaze calm and nodded, avoiding eye contact. “You took a lot just now,” He said, “Are you broken?” I shook my head “no”. “Good girl” As the studio lights and cameras were shut off, I silently walked out of the dungeon set in a daze. I found myself in the bedroom setting, surrounded by bright colors and soft items… when something inside me snapped.  I thew myself on the heart-print blanketed bed and began crying, wailing, uncontrollably.

Animal sounds of fury filled my ears in a voice I barely recognized as my own and I started throwing teddy bears and pillows. “Get that camera out of my face!” I screamed as the cameraman (a former war photographer I learned later) tried to capture intensity of the moment. He walked in calmly, as if nothing was wrong, completely undisturbed by my display. I saw Him and my cries turned mournful, a cathartic emptying of my entire being. “I’m sorry” I said, ashamed and frightened by my sudden tantrum. He gently shook his head and rubbed my back when I finally collapsed on the bed in an exhausted heap. “You don’t have to stay silent to prove that you’re strong. We see how strong you are. One day, you’ll see it too.” I smiled a quiet smile as He tucked me in and fell into the deepest, most restful sleep I’d ever known.

 Today we’re digging a bit deeper into the other, not-so-fun side of Domspace/subspace… the Drop! Topdrop or subdrop can be physiological or emotional and they can be rough to deal with but with some planning you can potentially prevent or at least ease the drop. We’ll also talk about some ways to process the emotions that come up after a scene.

What is Topdrop/subdrob? After the hormonal high of scene, particularly if Domspace or Subspace was reached, your body will return to homestasis… it comes down. As with any high there can be feelings of withdrawal as hormone levels shift. It’s also possible that you’ve done some intense personal work; pushing limits, faced a fear, played in your shadow. If you’ve ever felt just wrecked after a therapy session you’ve got an idea how this can play out post scene.   

(For the remainder of this article I will be referring to both Domdrop and Subdrop collectively as just “Drop”)

Some physical signs of Drop can be fatigue, crying, ache and pains, feeling cold (especially in the extremities or a general chill across your skin), shivering and shaking, or craving sugar. Psychologically or emotionally, Drop can present as feelings of guilt, shame, melancholy, fear, confusion, or agitation. This is not exhaustive of course, Drop shows up differently for everyone, even from one time to another. Generally though, most folks start to recognize their own telltale signs of Drop.  

Point of interest; just as athletes and artist can get into Flow space or “the zone” some also experience an intense after a performance, a bout or a meet.

Be gentle with your partner if you see that they are in Drop headspace. Subs may forget protocol, Dominants may be a bit testy or withdrawn. Don’t take it personally and Dom/mes maybe don’t punish your submissive for a forgotten honorific immediately after a scene. They don’t need punishment, they need Aftercare (and Dominants deserve Aftercare too).

Remember the old adage: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You may not be able to 100% prevent Drop but you can lessen its effects with some pre-scene preparation and conditioning. Here’s a few suggestions:

Lubricate… your brain! Being well hydrated will keep you feeling good, focuses and ready to play. The less background stress your body is dealing with the more present your will be in scene and the less toll play will take on your brain and body.  

Eat a light meal before play - Something nutritious with some veg and protein is a good idea, especially for a longer play session. Give your body a good slow burning fuel to build endurance and prevent lightheadedness. Don’t overeat tho! A overly full tummy can make bondage or certain positions uncomfortable or induce feelings of nausea.

  Consider stretching or gentle movement to warm up body. This may look like a short yoga flow, running in place or jumping jacks, or even something gentle like some Tai Chi or Qi Gong. Light exercise gets the blood moving, the body warmed up and can prevent injury (any Dom/me that’s experienced a sore shoulder after a night of flogging someone can appreciate this). Movement also starts to pull your awareness into your body and out of your head making for a better transition into play space and preparing your body for intense sensations.

 Check in with yourself (mood, mindset, symptoms of chronic illness). Rough day at work? Did you talk about something triggering in therapy today? Are you feeling premenstrual or having a Fibromyalgia flare up? Did you remember to take your medications at the right time? If you are feeling off for some reason you might want to consider postponing play or renegotiating your activities. It’s perfectly ok to say, “I’m just not int he right headspace tonight” It’s better to skip play for cuddles than force yourself through a scene with stress or pain in the background.

Be prepared! Have water, some light snacks (dark chocolate or something salty works well) and a blanket or two nearby. Communicate your aftercare needs and preferences before you play. If you are in an established D/s relationship you’ll likely develop an aftercare ritual but some casual players may not be available for aftercare. If this is the case, prepare for some self aftercare (I like to do self massage followed by a hot bath) or have an after buddy, a friend you trust that will be down to take care of you post scene.

  Self Care and Processing

  Sometimes Drop can last for a few days or perhaps you came upon some emotions you weren’t aware needed tending too. Be gentle with yourself while you process your experience and whatever feelings may have been stirred up. Try journaling about the scene, what you liked, disliked and learned, what came up for you? If you have a kinky or kink-friendly person you trust you share your experience and observations (get consent first). Most importantly, check in with your partner. A call 24 hours later is good, an in person chat after a few days of things were very intense. Gush over the good and share what you’d like to be different next time ( you can find my after scene check in form here).

Don’t fear the Drop, just be ready for it, whenever it happens and know that you are not alone.

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yogaadvise · 6 years ago

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Airport Stress: How to Travel with Ease

Stress administration is something that every person recognizes is required, however when a stressful circumstance occurs, it can be tough to find a reaction that actually lowers the tension. Air traveling is loaded with more anxiety-producing situations than in the past. There are lengthy lines for testing, delays, overbooked trips, and shed baggage to name a few.

Let's state you go to the airport and learn that your trip has actually been terminated. The airline won't bring an additional plane into service right away, instead, they may inform you that you need to wait 5 hrs up until a flight gets here to suit you. With no different other than to adhere to the airline's persecution, travelers look passive as they sit and wait, but on the inside lots of people will respond (probably you) with the complying with feedbacks: worry, rage, grumbling, and pessimism. All are self-defeating.

Worry is self-induced anxiety. It addresses absolutely nothing as well as blocks the opportunity of handling points even more positively.

Complaining increases tension and also anger. As a display screen of hostility, it motivates other individuals to act hostile in return.

Pessimism generates the illusion that a circumstance is hopeless as well as fosters the idea that expecting a bad outcome is constantly reasonable when actually it isn't.

If you see yourself in any one of these habits and also mindsets, you are misleading yourself into thinking that you are coping with the stress. As your body experiences it, you have come to be the stress factor yourself. That's since an outside occasion (terminated trip) should experience an interior analysis prior to it triggers the tension feedback. Worry, complaining, and also pessimism are subconscious actions. People who are stuck in them have actually come to be the sufferers of old reactions that came to be embeded location since the person really did not re-evaluate them.

Here's a collection of choices that will really aid you manage stress.

The "Flight Terminal Option" to Chronic Stress

The complying with are some suggestions to minimizing anxiety while at the airport:

Detach yourself from the stressor. At the flight terminal, try reading a book or locating a location to be alone.

Become centered. At the flight terminal, try shutting your eyes to meditate.

Remain active. At the airport, attempt walking as opposed to slumping in a chair and also waiting.

Seek positive outlets. At the airport terminal, try buying, getting a chair massage, or going to a restaurant.

Rely on emotional support. At the airport terminal, the common method to do this is by calling a buddy or family member on the phone. (This does not operate in a brief telephone call revealing that you'll be late. The secret is a discussion with a person purposeful in your life that lasts a minimum of half a hr.)

Escape if you must. Look for a relatively vacant seating area or the airport chapel/meditation space to kick back as well as rest.

These points declare means to manage tension as opposed to yielding to the negativity of concern, complaining, and pessimism. They bring understanding into a circumstance where dropping back on passive acceptance isn't the ideal response. Under the perspective of "I need to place up with it" lies stress. A terminated trip is usually not reparable by you, as well as it can happen anytime without warning. It fits the two conditions that make anxiety worse: unpredictability and loss of control.

But you have the choice of transforming the situation about by translating it not as negative good luck yet a non-stress, to which you respond by doing things you in fact desire to do, like practicing meditation, attaching with a friend, or shopping. When you end up being proficient at this turn-around, persistent anxiety is cut short. You stopped a process that or else would certainly have influenced your body like Chinese water torture, trickle by drip. Handling anxiety in the moment is essential to your health because if you allow it develop, it becomes chronic tension that creates real damages to your health.

Chronic everyday stress and anxiety obtains ignored since individuals do not understand that there's a domino effect where stress and anxiety is worried. It requires time for day-to-day stress and anxiety to produce damage. Managing it early is the most effective means to avoid long-lasting results. The collective damages takes place on three levels.

Psychological and Neural

These begin with minor points like feeling emotionally exhausted and also under pressure from deadlines at job. You might seem like you have actually lacked power, which can mask psychological states like being depressed, anxious, or also panicky. Due to the fact that the brain is being impacted, there's disruption in regular sleep rhythms or the unpleasant sensation that time is running out. With mental exhaustion can come problematic decision-making, memory lapses, and the ability to concentrate. Emotionally, stress and anxiety might make you retreat to early stage, ending up being vulnerable to outbursts of rage, distress, and irritability. The more the anxiety mounts, the much shorter the fuse gets on your adverse emotions.

Behavioral

Negative modifications in habits are most likely to show up in two significant areas: work as well as connections. Demanding tasks may make you respond with all sort of behaviors, from office chatter to going out for a beverage after job. As tension places, the demand for diversion as well as numbing is more severe. Unavoidably, you take your feelings house after work, where rubbing easily adheres to. Stress and anxiety can make you shed your cravings or overeat. Sleep frequently gets interfered with, and also in some instances chronic sleep problems is the outcome.

Physical

When the body can't adapt to stress, the collective result generally appears as physical exhaustion. Stomach pains, poor food digestion, and also frustrations are also most likely. Is reduced immune action, leading to even more colds and also got worse allergies. After that, the issues will certainly often tend to be associated with swelling, whose results can travel anywhere.

Even though this has actually existed as the' airport terminal solution," it can be adapted to most day-to-day stress factors. This enables you to maintain daily stressors from collecting right into persistent stress and anxiety that damages your life physically, emotionally, and behaviorally. These stress-releasing strategies bring leisure and a sense of control rather of tension and also a sensation of vulnerability. Those are the hallmarks of a coping method that actually functions.

Cultivate peace in body, mind, as well as spirit and learn Deepak's techniques for browsing stressful circumstances effortlessly at Seduction of Spirit, our six-day meditation as well as yoga exercise hideaway. Learn More.

#meditation #yoga

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mariellewritesalot · 7 years ago

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The Skinny on Being Body Positive

I have a problem with body image in 2018, and how only half of the progress is made by humanity to be a little kinder to ourselves regarding our bodies. The worse part is, I’m one of those people who fall for the standards of what’s hot and what’s not. The growing pains of teenage years, as it would seem, when social media and attention amount to basically everything in life. Instagram gratification through comments that say or even closely sound like, “Uy, pumayat ka!” somehow makes not eating rice and working out after school so worth it--no matter who sent it. Who cares, right? As long as someone thinks you’re attractive. Things like that serve as motivation, but really, it also becomes an underlying proof of how shallow and vain we can get. There’s nothing wrong with trying to take care of your body, that’s actually a great place to start as you mature, but sometimes we tend to get a little too enthusiastic that we start to punish ourselves unnecessarily through food-shaming or starvation or working out so hard after an equally busy day that you throw up and feel sick for two days straight after. I’m not someone anyone would call ‘fitness goals’ or ‘body goals’ because I still have a lot to work on, but I have a thing or two to say about how trying to live healthy could get unhealthy if we let it.

Growing up, my size and weight has always been fluctuating. In some photos I am chubby, in others, just right. Of course, as a kid, body size is the least of our worries; what with ninangs making gigil about how cute we are. Sometime around when I was 10 years old though, I started to feel a little bit more conscious, but whenever I brought up the idea of dieting, adults would always say I’m too young to worry about my weight. I let it slide. There were more problems to think about, after all. Come in high school, the pressure to look pretty and be what society claims to be ‘sexy’ rose up as we ranked up another grade level every year. Everyone around me at that time started getting boyfriends, and it always puzzled me, growing up from a conservative family and all. It didn’t help that I was the only girl, so getting involved with boys romantically wasn’t really a priority. That’s how people started to tell me, I could be pretty if I tried. I rarely did. I was going through puberty like everyone else so I couldn’t possibly know what I truly want to look like if my acne kept coming back and my hair was a big curly mess. I wore glasses since the 4th grade, so that automatically puts me in the ‘smart girl stereotype’ who holed up in the classroom and was labeled as a nerd. I have been chubby most of my life, so much that I don’t even notice it when I lose or gain weight until I look back to my photos from a few years later and see differences.

In the 10th grade, I was introduced to blogilates by Janiene, and sometimes tried to squeeze in a quick workout there from time to time. I was never consistent though, but it was okay. I started setting up goals and telling myself that when I turn 16, I should be at my prime. I should be able to go to family outings and wear a bikini, but I never did. At 16 I was still the same girl, and it became frustrating with every condescending comment whenever I ate a lot of food in front of friends and family. One relative even told me, “You have the body of a 30 year old,” which of course, for a teenage girl trying to get over insecurity issues, stung. So much that I still remember it to this day. When my mom would get me clothes and they won’t fit, in her exasperation she would unconsciously say something like, “You need to lose weight. You keep getting fatter.” Of course, having 5 brothers also put me on their radar a lot of times, earning me teasing on the daily. I was always made to feel about my weight, every once in a while someone will come in to the rescue and say, “You’re not that fat,” and it would make me feel a little bit better. Only until a few years later did I realize how unhealthy it was that being fat was associated to being ugly, when it shouldn’t have been like that. Not everyone is built to lose weight no matter how much they try healthy eating or exercise if their body type can only cater to so much.

I hit quite a low point for my body in 2016, when I started Senior High. I was usually around 135lbs/61kg but I noticed how my weight went up and my clothes felt a little bit snug as months went by. I would say the cause of it is both stress and happiness that causes “love chub” aka the fat that comes from being so happy and in love that people tend to overeat and feel too lazy to move around. When someone adores you no matter what size, it’s easy to let go of those fitness goals, and forget about trying to impress other people. Food becomes your best friend and a way of bonding with your significant other. The pressure is somewhat taken off. However, the little monster was still there, gnawing at my newfound confidence. Whenever a lot of people would comment that I’m gaining weight or I take photos and see that I look larger than usual, I would feel sad and cry about it. I eventually reached 153lbs/70kg and during the summer of 2017, I decided I would try to get rid of my extra weight. It wasn’t healthy anymore since my metabolic age reached 26, and I wanted to actually look better for my debut in November. This was the time I realized how discouraging it was when people don’t believe that you can do it, and how encouraging it was to get your heartbroken while you’re in the process of it all.

In a few months, I was down to 130lbs/59kg which now is my constant weight, though it occasionally rises up to 62kg during weeks when I don’t diet or workout. Goes to show how slow my metabolism is. I gain back weight easily if I don’t keep it together. Back in August 2017, I crossed off wearing a bikini on my list and for the first time took photos in the gym, coincidentally also the on the first time I went there. My diet is basically less carbs and sugar, more protein. I lived off skyflakes, bananas, yakult, homemade salads, soy milk and yogurt. I avoided fast food whenever I could and when eating outside, ordered the healthiest thing on the menu. I learned how to count calories using MyFitnessPal and kept it under 1200 most of the time. My workout is pilates at home and sometimes when I have all the time in the world, jogging at the oval. There are good days and bad days for my program, but what’s important to me is I am consistent with getting back on track no matter how many times I fall off the wagon. However, when Christmas and New Year break rolled around, I felt guilty as hell when all the food had come and gone and I am left with a lot of bloating and new added weight to ring in the new year. The frustration was back, harder than ever, since people have looked up to me after I kept the weight off.

When 2018 came, I tried to go on a reset to ease my guilt. It was going pretty well, I worked out everyday and removed dairy, gluten, added sugar, alcohol, and processed food on my diet. I went a little crazy, crying when I craved something and had to live off only on what I was allowed to eat. I thought I could go on for 28 days, but of course, eating less than required and working out did not go well with my hectic as hell schedule. I had classes, school paper and council meetings, and a lot of things on my plate. To top it all off, I workout as soon as I get home, skip dinner, and barely get enough time to sleep for the next day. I often felt a headache coming on, but chose to ignore it or down antibiotics until it fades away. My friends who see my eating habits at school were starting to worry I was going to have an eating disorder, while some classmates wanted to try eating healthy for a change because they saw how it worked out for me. I got tired of listening and was just determined to get through it and see results. Eventually, I got really sick. I started losing all energy and resulting to bad stomach aches with diarrhea and throwing up even without eating anything. Got really scary, almost got admitted to the hospital, and was taking a lot of medicine and bed rest for 4 days. Everyone around me told me it might be because I was pushing myself too hard on the losing weight thing that it backfired. Maybe it did, so I took a short break. Tomorrow I’m back to working out, but now I’m altering my diet into a healthier one that leaves me room to at least enjoy every once in a while instead of punishing myself for indulging my whims.

The reason I’m writing this and telling you all about my journey with all its ups and downs no matter how much it hurts my ego to let you all in on my insecurities and ugly secrets, is because today I caught myself being someone I didn’t want to become: hungry for validation from others. There I was, scrolling through random girls’ Instagram pages, feeling really ugly and shitty about how I look, and at the same time feeling guilty about eating puff pastry, a rice meal, and Cheetos all in one day. A thing I don’t normally do anymore. I had a moment to myself to stop and realize that what makes trying to be healthy unhealthy is the way I compare my progress and body type to other people and letting negativity beat me to the ground until I’m back to living in agony; all in hopes of looking how society wants me to look like. I start to wonder if I’m still doing it for myself like how I was doing it before, or if I’m just overcome by pressure from other people to look my best. A lot of self-reflection was put into work, and I started thinking how lonely it would be if there are girls out there, especially those younger than me, who feel ugly just because of their body sizes and it breaks my heart. I don’t want them to feel the weight on their shoulders, and for them to think they aren’t pretty just because they’ve got a little chub here and there or they’re thinner than normal. It’s actually okay, and I commend people who try to stay fit, but making other people feel bad because they don’t look like they’re straight out of a magazine with perfect obliques, toned abs, and a huge front and behind is something that needs to be stopped. I don’t want to set a negative example on anyone, so I will take it easy on myself and be kinder with my judgment of other people from now on.

I am slowly learning how to move in my own pace, rejoice in my triumphs, and forgive myself whenever I slip up a few times. I’m going to have days of thinking, “fuck it, I’m having that donut” whenever I deserve it after working too hard academically or not. All in moderation. I know there will be days when I will feel tired of keeping up, and that I will constantly live in fear of not looking good enough, but I promise to be kinder to myself and to give myself breaks. I am no celebrity, I can’t afford gym memberships or surgical alterations, but I will make the best out of what I can do. Other people’s comments will either lift me up or bring me down, that’s for sure, but I will back myself up and think: What do I want? What do I think is better for myself? I will choose my words and battles, constantly trying to become a better person inside and out everyday. January might have been a bad start for this year, but I’ve got high hopes for the next few months to come because I stay driven and hungry in the best possible way, and what’s more is that I get to tell you that it does get better. I’m rooting for you to overcome the way society keeps body-shaming everyone that no one is sure what’s real or not anymore. So, make sure you do.

Always,

Marielle

#daily life blog posts #body shaming #body positivity #healthy living #fitness journey #working out #january 2018 #mariellewritesalot #the skinny on being body positive

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mondaymentalhealth · 5 years ago

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STRESS (Coping)

Todays Topic: STRESS (management, healthy and unhealthy coping, and therapeutic remedies)

All right, time to discover how the hell we overcome this shit and begin enjoying life more. Stress is inevitable but to pursue a happy life we have to know how to react in a stressful situation.

First, let's talk about the unhealthy emotionally and physically damaging coping we tend to turn to.

Unhealthy coping can come in many forms so small that you don't even realize it as an issue. Do you get stressed out and overeat or under eat? This is a common one that I personally experience. I usually lose my appetite and in turn start losing weight and many people tend to eat their emotions which increases their weight. So now you're stressed out and fat! Then you have another reason to be stressed because of your new unwanted weight gain or loss. What about your sleep schedule, do you sleep more or less? I usually suffer from insomnia because of nagging racing thoughts swirling around in my head that keep me tossing and turning all night and now I'm stressed and tired which causes me to be irritated and agitated. On the opposite side of the spectrum sometimes the stress depresses us so much we sleep all day and then neglect the things we need to do. Then there is avoidance and isolation. Do you avoid the stressor all together instead of attempting to conquer it? Ignoring the problem doesn't get rid of it. Now it's just tucked away to be dealt with later. Do you isolate yourself from friends and family because you don't want to deal with all that crap you get from them about your behavior? It seems like a good idea because who needs that kind of negativity? I saved the best and worst for last: increased drug and alcohol use. A typical GO TO for people dealing with stress is to resort to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, forget the pain, or drink and drug the pain away. Does this actually work? I'll tell you for me it doesn't because I've tested this theory more times than I can count. At the moment it seems like a good idea. A nice pitcher of beer, a bottle of wine, a fat joint, or whatever your poison may be, at the end of a stressful day is a common relaxation technique. I know from experience drinking and numbing does not solve my problems because now I'm either drunk and emotional or I wake up hungover feeling like shit and still affected by the problem I originally had.

Did you nod your head in agreement with any of this?

Now that we have laid out the unhealthy aspects of dealing with stress let's get to how to effectively manage it. One helpful and a widely used tool is to seek outside help, whether it be through therapy or support groups, venting to family and friends, or journaling. What a load of crap!! I can say this as a person who seeks therapy, Who has the time and money for that?! Luckily, I receive free therapy sessions through my college so I attend, in hopes that I'll get something out of it. Most people aren't so fortunate and have to pay out of pocket which creates another stressor. How am I going to afford this? Why would I want to pay someone to confirm that I'm crazy when I already know it or try to convince me that I'm not. Even if you have insurance they usually don't cover mental health counseling. That's fucked up, right? After all, it is called mental HEALTH. I honestly think therapy is a load of crap, it doesn't really do anything for me, my therapists' bright ideas were to meditate twice a day and write down my feelings in a journal. This might work for you so don't knock it until you try it if you have the opportunity. When it comes to appetite changes try choosing foods that won't have negative effects on your weight because eating healthy makes you feel better overall and gives you more energy. I know it's hard because we want cake and ice cream and chips but you can do it. Sleep is so important and who doesn't love sleep? When you lay down at night and the thoughts start appearing, do something to distract yourself. Read a book, watch a movie, listen to music, write down anything you want to, write a boring-ass story about absolutely nothing that will just help clear your mind, do whatever takes, push the thoughts out, tell yourself FUCK YOU BRAIN I'M GETTING SLEEP TONIGHT I'LL DEAL WITH YOU TOMORROW. Avoiding the problem at bedtime is acceptable because there is no dealing with it at the time that is meant for sleep. STOP distancing yourself from the people who care about you. In reality, if you were to surround yourself with the proper company that has a positive outlook it will improve your mood. Tell your friends and family you're stressed out and why, be honest. I know I never wanted advice from anyone because I am STUBBORN and I think I know it all but I know nothing. Everyone has different perceptions, experiences, ideas, and advice and they might just have an idea that you never even thought of to help sort out your problem. Alcohol and drugs ... don't do it! If you don't have an addiction problem and these things don't consume you or affect you negatively and you're RESPONSIBLE, then, by all means, use it in moderation, don't beat yourself up and take time to enjoy yourself. On the other hand, if you're like me, you cannot do it all. Find some other outlet. I play games on my phone or do yard work or read or whatever. Now that I am sober I have discovered tons of things I enjoy doing that before I would never have seen myself performing. All right that's enough for today, I can discuss with you tons of activities, exercises, routines, diet, sleep habits, remedies, and more but that will come with time. I'll get more into alcoholism, drug addiction, and go more in-depth with distraction techniques and such. NEVER hesitate to contact me if you need to talk I AM HERE FOR YOU!

Remember: EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT so you have to find what personally works for you.

LAW OF ATTRACTION: In the New Thought philosophy, the Law of Attraction is the belief that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person's life.

So think positive!

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eating-enlightenment · 6 years ago

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3 Action-Items For What To Do When You Plateau On A Diet Before, During And After

VIDEO SUMMARY:

Instead of thinking you have failed, you must see your failures as chances to learn.

In particular, you must isolate and analyze instances of emotional, binge, compulsive eating. These we'll call collectively "relapses". We need to drop our judgment of ourselves in these situations, have compassion, and shift into a learning mentality.

When you reflect, learn, contemplate and evaluate these experiences with nonjudgmental awareness, there are 3 action-items for you to use:

1. Reflect before your relapse: - what sort of expectations were you holding? Did any of these put undue pressure on you? - how were your sleep and stress levels? Were you sleep deprived or stressed out? oftentimes fixing these variables can be the key to getting out a plateau - were you triggered? Did someone yell out you? A death in the family? A breakup? Were you in a vulnerable state? Nothing wrong with vulnerability, let's just try to understand what was going on before we relapsed

2. Were you present while eating instead of mindlessly eating? - mindful eating is hugely important. It's effective, free and easy to understand. People underestimate the importance of mindful eating. You don't have to be totally mindful for every bite, but just a few moments, notice the food, turn off the phone, be present - but mainly, a relapse occurs because we want to disconnect from our eating experiences. Does this happen to you? - When did the food no longer taste good? You may be eating on autopilot if you are unable to identify when food no longer tastes good. This may mean you are eating more than you need.

3. What can you do differently next time?

If during step 1, you realize you are stressed, here is another video of mine on this topic, watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB7-zWh2PKM

COMMENTARY BELOW:

This third step is the most important. You must see how disconnected you were during your eating experience in step 2 and make a sincere effort to be just a little bit more mindful next meal.

Remember, progress, not perfection. You don't need to be totally mindful and it's okay if you are unsure at what point in the meal you are satisfied.

The first point is hugely important.

You're behavior is oftentimes a product of your environment. When you are stressed and sleep deprived, of course you're going to hit a plateau!!

When you are triggered emotionally, of course you are going to overeat!!

I can't tell you how helpful knowing your triggers is. This is hugely important.

Here's a typical pattern that I'll help someone with when I work with them.

In the beginning they are stuck and don't want to go through these steps. They want to stick with what worked in the past.

I always find this somewhat funny because the person reached out because they were stuck, and now they don't want to change. But I understand. Looking at our emotions is tough, confusing work. The desire to stick to the familiar is deep.

Nonetheless, usually people come through. They start admitting that they binge eat and emotionally eat more than they care to admit.

This is normal. No shame. It's okay. It's better to talk about these patterns than to pretend they don't exist. It's usually a bit disheartening for people as they start to confront these powerful emotional patterns they were subconsciously avoiding and pretending didn't exist.

At first, listening to triggers, stress, and expectations is a confusing mess.

Maybe someone gets yelled out and has chronic stress at work, isn't sleep enough, and has put a lot of perfectionist pressure on themselves. So untangling that mess takes a bit of time.

However, with gentle encouragement (never scolding or punishment) ... people start to have insights.

This can be greatly facilitated by the use of a food journal, where you log how your emotional experiences are around food.

For example, someone might log:

- 10am - before eating was moderately hungry and felt stressed - ate eggs bacon and croissant, got seconds - afterwards felt too full - don't remember what the food tasted like

After seeing a pattern here ...

Quick note - usually you have to see a pattern. This isn't solved in one entry.

Anyways, after seeing a pattern, people start to make changes.

They start to realize that their lack of sleep or these triggers are causing them emotional pain. This emotional pain is causing you to go to food to feel better.

Previously, you weren't aware of these hidden motivator and that's why you got stuck on your weight loss journey, but now you are clear minded and seeing reality.

The reality is you need to take care of yourself better. There's no work-around.

Oftentimes we resist this solution because we intuit that it'll involve effort and won't be entirely straightforward.

You're right, it won't, but you can definitely overcome your plateaus here.

Check out this episode!

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timclymer · 6 years ago

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I Knew S/he Was Crazy! Telltale Signs of Depression and Suicide in the African American Community

As a research scientist, I am asked what The Telltale Signs of Depression and Suicide are and befuddled, I say the usual, “search the web”! Since, I deal with diverse populations, many of the top search engines, especially health websites, are NOT always people of color’s “BFF’s”. When explaining to diverse groups about the symptoms of depression and suicide, there are plenty of “yes, buts” or “what ifs” that countermand adherence to medical directives. These actions still occur even when a Nobel Laureate physician wrote the major symptom section for the DSM-IV revised!

I have personally witnessed on numerous diverse social media websites the grossly inaccurate information posted on them. I myself has been subject to ridicule and harassment. As a result, I am relaying and translating the societal and cultural nuances so that diverse laypeople all understand the key symptoms of depression and suicide. I am translating these symptoms for the African American community because I am African American and many people have come to me wondering if there is a way to identify these symptoms. Disturbingly, they may have lost a loved one to suicide and they wonder if there was anything more they could do to stop it. While reviewing top health websites for depression symptoms, I found there was a lack of cultural competency in explaining these symptoms. While it is clear that not ALL of these symptoms are seen in every case of depression or suicide, the key symptoms outlined in major online health websites do NOT translate with “any culturally nuanced depression symptoms”.

At this time, I will not be listing what to do on how to manage these symptoms. I organized this “Translation Navigator” so that everyone is “on same page”. I mean no disrespect to those who understand this information, but seriously, looking at the mental health disparities, something MUST be done for the lack of cultural competence described in my symptom review. Anyone using this information is for entertainment purposes only and cannot be used as a diagnostic. Moreover, it can complement a professionally licensed health care provider’s directive, but it does not supplant or supersede any treatment plan by a licensed provider. Nor does it counteract against the written referenced material.

The Translator/Navigator

Culturally Competent Telltale Signs for Depression in the African Americans

The inability to concentrate often resembles forgetfulness This symptom occurs almost everyday and people who are depressed often forget important tasks, like missing due dates for bills, or forgetting to call key people like doctors. It is not the casual forgetfulness of losing keys or dementia like getting lost, or even Alzheimer’s, which is VERY different! This forgetfulness is after a profound conversation/argument with the depressed person, and s/he STILL forgets to pay the cable bill!

Being fatigued or decreased energy If the depressed person goes to church Sunday at 11:00 AM, and then stops suddenly, to which s/he complains of fatigue or “I’m tired”, when they did nothing physically strenuous, then it probably a depression. It is the dramatic shift in routine over a month.

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness These symptoms lack articulation by diverse depressed individuals. Moreover men do not discuss these feeling freely. If men say anything, it resembles blame on any perceivable target-usually the caregiver! Depressed women complain, whine, and then blame. Shortly, I will explain later how that resembles in diverse communities.

Hopelessness and/or pessimism Depressed individuals often have “sarcastic commentary” that teenagers are more than happy to provide whenever anybody makes comments. For example, when the caregiver says, “Let’s go to the Beach, it is a nice sunny day!”, a depressed individual would retort, “Why? To get burned by the sun!!!”

Insomnia or excessive sleeping: I have not noticed diverse depressed individuals to be unable to sleep unless they have an anxiety/PTSD or a mania, but I have seen sleeping all day for several days without being sick, or having that dark room, because light hurts. Depressed individuals often choose that darkened room during a sunny day rather than enjoying the outdoors–an active choice that is made.

Irritability or restlessness: Irritability often looks like whining and snapping at whatever is said. A caregiver could just say “BOO” and the depressed person combined with the feeling of guilt would bite the caregiver’s head off for saying it. The restlessness is often combined with the forgetfulness. Watch when they cook. Request the depressed person to make lemonade from powder and s/he will get flustered by making a simple recipe. And remember, the behavior is not random; it is consistent over a month or two.

Lost of interest in activities once pleasurable, includes sex: This symptom is combined with the forgetfulness, fatigue, guilt, pessimism and excessive sleepiness symptoms. It could be any activity that the depressed person enjoys often as a tradition or ritual, and for some unknown reasons it is suddenly dropped! An example is, with the “holidays approaching” the depressed loved one for no reason, refuses to participate in an activity once thoroughly enjoyed. It is not because s/he has a new life situation, but the excuse is that s/he does not want to do it and is likely to berates it. Remember, the behavior is consistent over a few weeks and is not completely random!

Changes in eating behavior: What a depressed individual does is overeat a lot of carbohydrates (carbs, sugars, etc.): breads, cakes, chocolates, candies and sugar! Apparently, the medical aspects of depression feeds off of glucose in the brain, the full mechanism is unknown. Moreover, the meal is one time of day–all day and does not stop until sleep! Alternatively, what a depressed person looks like when his/her appetite is lost, s/he has failed to shop for grocery and all that is left is something indistinguishable, often the depressed person is living off of something bizarre like gum or rationalizes vitamin supplements as nutrition. Most of the symptoms mesh with each other, so this one is combined with forgetfulness, inability making decisions, helplessness and hopelessness. Moreover starvation through dieting can cause the insomnia…

Persistent malaise: A depressed person complains all the time about physical issues and when s/he chooses to see a primary care physician, only the immediate aches and pains are treated with drugs rather than the psychotropic medications due to health treatment limitations and standards of care. Meaning, if there is no adherence to these drugs, why force the patient to take them? Laboratory tests and manifestations cannot convince the depressed person of his/her ailment is depression. Remember this is another symptom that meshes itself with other symptoms, so if this one symptom is seen, then it is likely that others will be seen…

Persistent negative thoughts: A depressed person says as a complaint or whine that “nobody likes them” or any absolute statements: NEVER, ALWAYS, and NOBODY. Often seen as a judgment with accusations: i.e. “You should’s” and “You must’s” and “everybody’s”. The empty feelings look like a comatose person-especially when asked a simple question like “How are you going today”? The depressed person will respond with a shrug or say “I don’t know” on a consistent basis. Remember, this type of symptom is meshed with the other ones. This symptom is a “trigger” symptom or a “red flag” symptom, meaning when you start hearing them frequently, more than 3 times overall, this is the time when the caregiver’s antenna needs to be raised and attempt to get professionally licensed help!!!

Thoughts of suicide: I cannot emphasize this statement any stronger: when this comment is made, it needs to be taken seriously! Whether or not there is a plan: DO NOT TAKE THIS COMMENT LIGHTLY! DO NOT DISCOUNT IT! By the time, the depressed person vocalizes it, s/he has actually intensely rationalized it and has given serious thoughts about it, and now they are beginning to venture out really to get help on it! PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS SYMPTOM OR TALK THEM OUT OF IT! PLEASE GET THEM TO PSYCHIATRIC CARE!!! This key symptom is the neurophysiological course of the depression disease. Literally, the brain is damaging itself due to the aforementioned symptoms. It is thought that all the symptoms meshed together overload the system and crashes the “logic centers” of the brain–somewhat like a computer hard drive crashing. But in this case the other organs actually attempting to save the body at the same time: such as the heart, the muscles, the stomach, the liver and the kidneys, plus many more. The organs try to override this “cerebral self-destruct” button. Remember, this behavior is not always night and day, or random, but it does not lessen the impact, please watch this behavior closely.

So please permit me to use some creative license and combine some of the warning signs to suicide that I have translated into culturally competent text from major online health websites:

There are some key symptoms that caregivers MUST watch and be vigilant with someone suffering from depression, especially as it relates to suicide! I cannot stress this enough the depressed individual is NOT about him/her being crazy or funny, this is about him/her suffering from a major medical neurophysiological disease like any other illness and requires professionally licensed care and treatment. Moreover, these are the telltale signs: These are the signs used when one does NOT want to say “if I could have done anything differently…” The way to think about this is the splinter in the tiger. The tiger by itself is a man eating animal, but when there is a splinter in the paw, the tiger writhes in pain and while you might think “it is not a big deal”, because it is a man-eating tiger and usually it will kill itself or gnaw off its paw off to minimize the pain. If someone removes the splinter, it is thought the tiger is grateful and remembers that person always. Loving a depressed individual, like that splintered tiger, is perilous and as a caregiver it takes a team to support that individual, which a licensed provider must be consulted. Unfortunately, hospitalization cannot be enforced upon any unwilling mentally ill person who has not committed a crime or threat. However, a caregiver, can learn about the basic suicide symptoms described below:

Suddenly switching from very sad (depressed) to calm/appearing happy or tranquil: While obviously stated, this symptom often this looks like the depressed person has found “resolution” to his/her problem. Unfortunately it is committing suicide… Like a wrong answer game show buzzer–EHHHN–this inaccurate conclusion erroneously looks like a calm in the suicidal ideation depressed individual. One way to confirm one’s thoughts are to ASK what his/her wants are. This is a question of autonomy, because it determines if a definitive decision has been made. If s/he has a formal plan with times and dates, get professionally licensed help immediately or call 9-1-1!

Always talking and writing about death: Listed as dressing in “Gothic paraphernalia”, like always wearing black like a vampire… Seriously, this is probably the most egregious example of culturally incompetence I have seen in regards to understanding suicidal ideation and symptoms. To make this symptom culturally competent for African Americans, this often resembles when young people attempt to look like or live like “gangsters” or “thugs”, with the guns, paraphernalia, and listening to “profane gangsta rap” or “thuggish” music and actually believing the lyrics are real. And the discussion looks like dark and dreary kinds of lifestyle, such as robbing people, misogyny, prostitution, and prison life, etc. This symptom meshes with another symptom as described later.

Having a “death wish”–taking unnecessary risks: such as running red lights… This symptom is another egregious example of missing the social determinants of health and the mental health disparity in diverse communities. In the African American community, especially for young men, running red lights is deadly in the United States, so that would not be something we would see often. The risk factors taken would probably be carrying a gun into a club as to protect oneself as an “unnecessary risk”. The death wishes we have is getting involved in very dangerous activities known to ruin one’s life and are self-destructive–which leads us to our next symptom

Substance abuse: Alcohol is a depressant, and some illegal substances, like marijuana and methamphetamine make irrational thoughts worse. Many people in our community abuse substances to self-medicate for their depression. It is a self-destructive habit. This is probably one of the single elements that is seen more in the African American community than others. The symptom looks over and beyond the normal consumption of these substances–a functional alcoholic or smoker, etc. And substance abuse treatment differs from depression treatment, while the two are intertwined inexplicably, first the addiction is treated then the mental health issue. More often than not most substance abusers RARELY get treated for their mental health issues.

Acting impulsively: Acting impulsively is doing something without thinking about it and letting the chips fall where they land–meaning if the depressed person dies, that will be where the chips landed… The depression symptoms are meshed with this suicide warning sign, such as guilt and hopelessness. It is reckless. One possibility is once they get that gun, what more will they do–such as robbery, going along with the violent crowd, rioting, killing people. The mentality is the suicidal person with erroneously thing that they have to see the end of this bad course of action.

Poor performance in school and work: Young people often have failing grades and it is known they are able to do the work. For adults, it accounts for massive sick days and absenteeism from work, lack of follow through on projects and missed deadlines. There may be some hostilities between the depressed loved one and co-workers. The depression symptoms seen meshed with this suicide warning sign are lack of concentration, fatigue and excessive sleeping.There may be others.

Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, writing/changing a will, giving away prized possessions: So many depressed African Americans feel they do not have anything, so changing wills is infrequent occurrence. This suicide warning sign resembles vandalism or destruction of property. The depressed person’s thinking is “Since I have nothing to lose (hopelessness) and everyone thinks I am worthless (guilt, worthlessness), I will vandalize this property by graffiti or I will destroy this property by stealing/thievery of key items”. What makes this illogical thinking occur in a depressed person is putting the affairs in order or tying up loose ends… This a suicidal warning sign shows the welcomed risk of arrest! As usual, this symptom travels with other depression symptoms as well as other suicidal warning signs like substance abuse or a death wish.

Feeling strong anger or rage: It has been told to me that depression is anger turned in on one’s self. The anger people have is due to unresolved hurts and pains or experiencing what is perceived as a traumatic event. Some people casually say, “This is what is called life, deal with it”! Saying this statement to a depressed person is an abusive, insensitive, destructive and harmful comment, because it will tip them over from thinking about suicide to actually committing suicide. The heartless comment often is misconstrued by a depressed person who is already having inaccurate absolute conclusions and this comment causes the person who cannot articulate in his/her feelings to verify his/her self-worth through the “depression and suicidal lenses”. What is seen is either the first suicidal warning sign of “listlessness” or “empty” feelings or an anger/rage unloading, often with crying. What causes this anger? I have a blog on anger as it is written from my bipolar POV at Crazy Black Woman

Remember, it should be noted that some people who commit suicide do not show ANY warning signs. So, loved ones may still feel, “I knew s/he was crazy, but…” And if caregiver’s actively see these symptoms and want to help him/her, judgment does not help them either! What is optimal is professionally licensed care and treatment! A few pastors have qualifications for mental health care treatment. If a pastor says that ONLY prayer or telling one to just be saved cures mental health, that is HOLY UNETHICAL!

Many professionally licensed providers lack cultural sensitivity and could look “crazy” to you! Finding the what works for you is a personal choice. The key is to ask MANY DIRECT QUESTIONS, learn to navigate the mental health care system, and implement mental health and wellness goals! If that is of interest to you as a “diverse woman”, please feel free to join us at SistahMentalHealth dot com and start your PQ Interest Questionnaire TODAY!

Source by Dr. Gina Moore-Sanders, Ph.D.

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/i-knew-s-he-was-crazy-telltale-signs-of-depression-and-suicide-in-the-african-american-community/ via Home Solutions on WordPress from Home Solutions FOREV https://homesolutionsforev.tumblr.com/post/185539322580 via Tim Clymer on Wordpress

#Home Solutions FOREV

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homesolutionsforev · 6 years ago

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I Knew S/he Was Crazy! Telltale Signs of Depression and Suicide in the African American Community

The Translator/Navigator

Culturally Competent Telltale Signs for Depression in the African Americans

So please permit me to use some creative license and combine some of the warning signs to suicide that I have translated into culturally competent text from major online health websites:

Source by Dr. Gina Moore-Sanders, Ph.D.

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/i-knew-s-he-was-crazy-telltale-signs-of-depression-and-suicide-in-the-african-american-community/ via Home Solutions on WordPress

#Home Solutions Forev

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lindafrancois · 6 years ago

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Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

So you wanna learn about the Paleo Diet, eh?

Here’s the ENTIRE diet in a nutshell:

If a caveperson didn’t eat it, neither should you.

Now, obviously there’s more to it than that – especially considering it doesn’t REALLY matter what cavemen ate in order for you to lose weight and get healthier.

But I’ll get to that later.

In this massive guide, I’m going to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to the Paleo Diet.

I’ll answer the following questions

Will I lose weight on the Paleo Diet?

What can I eat on the Paleo Diet?

What do I need to avoid on the Paleo Diet?

I heard cavemen used to eat grains. What now!?

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If you can actually apply the rules of the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

It’s helped many people achieve jaw-dropping transformations, including my friend Saint, (whose story you can read here):

Or Staci from Team NF, our lead female trainer in our 1-on-1 Coaching Program):

The Paleo Diet will work for you, if you do it right.

You need to have the right mindset, you need to focus on the right foods, and you need to structure your environment so that you’re not tempted to backslide and abandon the Paleo Diet after a few days.

Ready? LET’S GOOOOOOO!

how does the Paleo Diet work?

Oh lord, another “diet.”

I know, it sounds like a fad/marketing ploy, but The Paleo Diet isn’t really a “diet,” and it’s actually quite logical when you think about it.

It’s also the most time-tested diet ever.

So, the opposite of a “fad.”

As the theory goes, tens of thousands of years ago, before Nike, Cap’n Crunch, and Healthy Choice meals, our ancient ancestors thrived as hunter-gatherers.

Although it’s been a really long time, our genetics haven’t changed that much since then. And yet…

The average Homo Sapien back then: muscular, agile, athletic, and incredibly versatile.

The average Homo Sapien now: overweight, out of shape, stressed out, unhappy, sleep deprived and dying from far too many preventable diseases due to lifestyle choices.

So what the hell happened?

Agriculture! And then delivery and Netflix.

A few thousand years ago, humans discovered farming, the agricultural revolution took off, and we advanced from hunter-gatherers to farmers.

We settled down, formed societies, and the human race progressed to what we are today. Which is obviously great for a number of reasons:

Not getting eaten by wild animals

Electricity

Automobiles

Nintendo

The problem is that our bodies never adjusted properly to eating all the grains and sugar that we’re now consuming.

As paleo guru Robb Wolf puts it, think of a 100-yard football field:

The first 99.5 yards are how long Homo-Sapiens spent as hunter-gatherers. As they became REALLY good at hunting and gathering our bodies adapted to that lifestyle over thousands of years.

That last half-yard represents our species after the agricultural revolution, where our diet has shifted (but our genetics haven’t).

So, instead of loading up on meat, vegetables and seasonal fruits, we’ve become a species “dependent” upon grains – bread, pasta, rice, corn, and so on.

66% of us are overweight, 33% are considered obese, and those numbers are only getting worse [1] .

Clearly something’s not right, and we need to fix it.

The Paleo Diet is an effort to go back to eating how we’re biologically designed to eat, allowing us to tap into our genetic potential and start living healthier immediately.

Will I Lose Weight on the Paleo Diet?

This is the question we get above all else:

“Will the Paleo Diet help me lose weight?”

Probably…if you can stick with it!

However, it has nothing to do with what cavepeople ate or didn’t eat.

It comes down to simple thermodynamics.

As I point out in our article on How to Determine the Perfect Diet for You, if you want to lose weight:

#1 – Eat fewer calories than you burn every day.

#2 – Want to also be healthy? Eat mostly real food.

Want to KEEP the weight off?

Add #3: Do those two things consistently for a decade.

So here’s why you’ll lose weight on the Paleo Diet:

You’re only eating meat, fish, veggies, fruits, and nuts. These are foods that are full of nutrients, will make you feel full, but don’t have nearly as many calories as junk food.

You are eliminating the most calorie dense, nutritionally deficient, unhealthy foods completely. No soda, no candy, no bread, no pasta, no sugar, no dairy.

Simply put, when you only eat real food and avoid all unhealthy food, you’re more likely than not going to run a caloric deficit – and thus lose weight.

Let me share a really obvious example.

200 calories of broccoli gets you enough to fill up an entire plate:

Or 200 calories will get you exactly 1/2 a Snickers bar:

Look at that: nobody can eat that much broccoli, and nobody only eats half a candy bar!

My point is this: by eating Paleo-approved foods, you’re more likely than not to eat fewer calories than you did in the past automatically, which can lead to weight loss.

I dig into this in even greater detail in “Why can’t I lose weight?” but it all comes down to “calories in, calories out.”

So YES, the Paleo Diet can help you lose weight.

And if you stick with the Paleo Diet, you will keep the weight off.

If you do the Paleo Diet for 30 days and then go back to how you were eating before, you’ll gain all the weight back.

what DO I get to eat on The Paleo diet?

Okay, so if we cut out the grains, almost all processed foods, and dairy, you’re left with only things that occur naturally:

Meat – GRASS-FED*, not grain-fed when possible. Grain can cause the same problem in animals as they do in humans.

Fowl – Chicken, duck, hen, turkey…things with wings that (try to) fly.

Fish – Wild fish, as mercury and other toxins can be an issue in farmed fish

Eggs – Look for omega-3 enriched cage free eggs.

Vegetables – As long as they’re not deep-fried, eat as many as you want.

Oils – Olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil – think natural.

Fruits – Have natural sugar, and can be higher in calories, so limit if you’re trying to lose weight.

Nuts – High in calories, so they’re good for a snack, but don’t eat bags and bags of them.

Tubers – Sweet potatoes and yams. Higher in calories and carbs, so these are good for right after a workout to replenish your glycogen levels.

*If you can only afford grain-fed meat, that’s still better than grains. Do the best you can with your situation!

Steak with asparagus and sweet potato fries, grilled chicken salad, massive omelets that will fill you up for the whole morning, apples dipped in almond butter (my favorite snack ever), and so on.

Pick any of the things from that list, and eat as much as you want of them (with the noted exceptions). You’ll feel better and be healthier.

WhAT Can’t I eat On the Paleo Diet?

If you are looking to strictly follow the paleo diet, then you cannot consume grains.

Why? Because – as advocates of the diet points out – cavemen didn’t eat grains!

But on a deeper physiological level, we have a tendency to overeat grains, which are calorically dense, nutrient deficient, and they can wreak havoc on our blood sugar levels.

Which can lead to more overeating…and the process starts again.

Rather than me explain that part with thousands of words, just watch this three-minute video – “Why You Got Fat“

youtube

Let’s get into some more reasons Paleo advocates suggest avoiding grains: most contain gluten and lectins.

What are they and what’s wrong with them? I’m so glad you asked:

Gluten is a protein found in things like rye, wheat, and barley. It’s now being said that much of our population may be gluten-intolerant (hence all the new “gluten-free!” items popping up everywhere). Over time, those who are gluten intolerant can develop a dismal array of medical conditions from consuming gluten: dermatitis, joint pain, reproductive problems, acid reflux, and more.[2]

Lectins are natural toxins that exist in grains to defend against consumption! Yup. Grains have evolved to keep themselves from being eaten by us. These lectins are not a fan of our gastrointestinal tract, and they prevent the tract from repairing itself from normal wear and tear. This can cause all kinds of damage.

Long story short: our bodies don’t process grains well, and they are causing a boatload of problems.

The Paleo Diet also almost completely eliminates sugar outside of fruit. No candy. No soda. No powdered donuts. Yup, even the mini white ones from the grocery store where you can eat like 100 of them (accidentally, of course).

So we’ve eliminated grains, sugar, and processed foods.

Now, whether you’re talking about the paleo diet or not, many studies have shown that an incredible number of diseases and lifestyle issues can be reversed with these three simple changes.[3]

So I can already see the gears turning in your head.

Yes. The reason the Paleo Diet works is primarily due to the fact that you’re eliminating all of the high calorie, low energy, junk foods from your diet.

Which means you’re going to, on average, eat fewer calories than you’ve been eating in the past.

Which will lead to weight loss over time!

The reason Paleo works for some people: as I lay out in my “Which diet is best for you?” article, it comes with built-in, black-and-white, “eat this not that” rules to follow.

It removes calorie counting and practically ensures you ONLY eat food that fill you up but aren’t loaded up with calories.

But Where do I get My Energy From on the Paleo Diet?

“Steve, if we’re not eating 300+ grams of carbs every day, where are we supposed to get our energy from while eating Paleo?”

Our bodies can operate on a lower number of carbohydrates than what we’re used to eating, so fewer carbs isn’t an issue once you re-train your body to process the food you’re eating.

Sidenote: When there is a complete absence of carbs, our body can take fat or stored fat and burn THAT for energy in a process called ketogenesis.

This is the premise behind the much hyped “Keto Diet.”

However, unless you are avoiding all carbohydrates while going Paleo, you most likely won’t be in ketosis while going Paleo.

Back to Paleo: because you are NOW consuming fewer calories than you were on average, your body is in a caloric deficit.

Which means it needs to get its energy from somewhere – how about the fat stores you already have? This is the goal with weight loss.

What I’m trying to tell you is that our bodies are pretty effin’ efficient.

So, fewer carbs = less glucose in your system, which means your body will can start burning fat as your fuel source.

Which means… decreased fat storage and decreased body fat percentage and increased good-lookingness.

Win!

Do I need to Avoid Carbs on the Paleo DIet?

Nope.

Carbs still serve a purpose in our diets, but large quantities are not required for a regular diet [4].

Carbs aren’t evil – they’re just…carbs. (I actually lost 22 pounds while consuming carbs)

The challenge is that carbs tend to be calorically dense (lots of calories) without being satiating (meaning you tend to eat way more than you intended).

I try to get my carbs from vegetables, sweet potatoes, and fruit.

Why is that?

These foods are naturally occurring in the wild and don’t need to be processed in any way (unlike grains) in order to be consumed.

The other great thing about vegetables is that they’re incredibly nutrient dense and calorie light – six full servings of broccoli (and who would eat 6 servings at once?) has 180 calories and 36 grams of carbs.

A serving of pasta has 200 calories and 42 grams of carbs.

And does this look like YOUR normal portion of pasta? Or is your normal serving like 3-5x the size of this (mine is).

Now, eating paleo does not automatically mean that you are doing a ketogenic diet (no carb) or a low-carb diet.

We cover this in our article specifically comparing the two ways of eating.

However, even if you have a serving of sweet potato (26g per 1 cup serving) with every meal, it’s likely a lot lower in carbs than you’re used to having.

We do recommend keeping your carb content low – loading up on buckets of fruit is technically Paleo, but can result in a ton of carbs and calories consumed.

And thus, no weight loss. Fail.

I’ll cover that more below too, as it’s one of the pitfalls to avoid with successfully going Paleo.

If you’re worried about adherence to the diet, I understand – it’s the toughest part of Paleo – sticking with it!

Knowing what to eat is part of it, but following this fairly restrictive lifestyle in a modern environment surrounded by cookies and candy and bagels and pasta is really difficult!

Factor in the “carb flu” you might go through in the first few weeks (as your body gets weaned off of carbohydrate fuel and habits), and most people give up on the Paleo diet long before it creates lasting change!

Does this sound like you?

Worried about how to stick with this diet when you live a busy life and work long hours and also want to lose some weight but you don’t want to hate yourself? You’re not alone!

In fact, people like you are the reason we created our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program!

We work with busy people like you to structure a complete life overhaul: handcrafted workout routines, accountability, mindset changes, and nutritional strategies.

If you want guidance from a trained professional, schedule a call by clicking on the image below and see if we’re a good fit for each other!

Can I eat Dairy on the Paleo Diet?

Dairy’s a tough one, as most Paleo folks tend to stay away from it – a portion of the world is lactose intolerant, and those that aren’t usually have at least some type of an aversion to it.

Why is that? Because no other animal in the entire kingdom drinks milk beyond infancy.

Hunter-gatherers didn’t lug cows around with them while traveling – milk was consumed as a baby, and that was it. As with grains, our bodies weren’t designed for massive dairy consumption.

There is evidence that some adaptation to dairy has taken place throughout the years, specifically with people with ancestry in herding cultures, but this is not the majority of the population [5] .

So, this is one that Paleo purists will avoid like the plague, while others have found that consuming dairy in its various forms work for their genetics, goals, and lifestyle.

If you’re not sure, remove dairy from your diet and only introduce it back in when you’re ready to see how your body responds.

But I can’t give up my muffin, pasta, bagel, pizza, and bread!

Okay then, don’t try the Paleo Diet! Simple as that.

I hear you. Because bread is amazing. And so is candy. And soda. These things are designed to be as delicious as possible.

But they don’t have a place in the Paleo Diet if this is what diet you are trying to follow, so you have to decide what’s important to you right now.

If you’re happy with how you look, your energy levels are good all day, and you don’t see any room for improvement, then keep doing what you’re doing – I won’t force you to eat like this.

Consider the Mediterranean Diet which still includes portions of things like pasta or bread (note: I said PORTIONS, not platefuls)!

You can also just follow our guide on healthy eating and slowly adjust your nutrition – which would be my recommendation.

However, if you’ve been struggling with weight loss, have no energy throughout the day, need eight cups of coffee, hate counting calories, and want to start turning your life around today, why not give it a shot for 30 days?

TRY IT: If after 30 days you haven’t noticed a marked improvement in your quest for a better life, then go back to the donuts.

It’s important to give yourself a full 30 days before passing judgment. Your body has to adjust from fueling itself on carbs and sugar to burning your stored fat for energy, which can take a few weeks.

If you’re not willing to cut out grains from your diet completely, just work on MINIMIZING those foods gradually and see how your body adjusts.

Slow transitions are often much easier to handle over the long-term; the more you can shift your diet closer to Paleo principles, the faster you’ll start to see results.

In fact, we’ve actually built a 10-level diet system as part of Nerd Fitness that slowly transitions somebody into a more Paleo-type lifestyle, because we know the biggest problem with this stuff is consistency and adherence.

When you sign up in the box below, we’ll send you both the 10-level Nerd Fitness Diet cheat sheet AND the Beginner Paleo Guide so you can cut through the confusion and start fixing your health today.

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This is also the approach we champion with our 1-on-1 Online Training Program and Paleo-approved flagship online course, The Nerd Fitness Academy.

How much should I eat of each nutrient on the Paleo Diet?

Okay back to the good stuff: How much should I eat on the Paleo Diet?

Always start with a good protein source with each meal (eggs, steak, chicken, fish, pork) along with some vegetables.

That’s it.

If you feel hungry constantly, understand that changing up a diet can cause a body a few weeks of adjustment.

Consider adding some healthy fats to the equation: avocado, a handful of almonds or walnuts, almond butter, olive oil, etc.

If you’re feeling tired all the time, try adding some salt to your food.

Going from a processed, high sodium diet to a paleo diet you will very often end up eating too little sodium, which is an essential nutrient.

As stated above, fruit does have quite a bit of sugar in it, and nuts have quite a few calories, so if you are following the Paleo Diet but not losing weight, check your fruit and nut consumption and see if you are loading up on those at the expense of vegetables and healthy protein.

What I’m trying to say is this: fat and protein should make up a big percentage of your diet.

How Much Fat SHould I eat on the Paleo Diet?

Pooooooor fat.

It’s gotten a bad rap over the past number of decades, so companies have been doing everything possible to make everything low fat and “healthy!” (while adding all sorts of preservatives, chemicals, and sugar).

Yup…cut out the fat, increase the carbs….and look where THAT has gotten us.

Why has fat been vilified? Rather than get into the politics of it myself, I’ll let Gary Taubes, author of the incredibly thorough and well-researched Good Calories, Bad Calories take over.

As he discusses in article he wrote for the New York Times a decade ago [6]:

These researchers point out that there are plenty of reasons to suggest that the low-fat-is-good-health hypothesis has now effectively failed the test of time.

In particular, that we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic that started around the early 1980’s, and that this was coincident with the rise of the low-fat dogma. (Type 2 diabetes, the most common form of the disease, also rose significantly through this period.)

They say that low-fat weight-loss diets have proved in clinical trials and real life to be dismal failures, and that on top of it all, the percentage of fat in the American diet has been decreasing for two decades.

Our cholesterol levels have been declining, and we have been smoking less, and yet the incidence of heart disease has not declined as would be expected. ”That is very disconcerting,” Willett says. ”It suggests that something else bad is happening.”

Healthy fats are valuable additions to our diet. “Low fat” foods were created to follow conventional wisdom that fat made you fat (which as stated in the above article doesn’t stand up to scrutiny).

Now, when a company makes a low fat food, they remove the fat and have to replace the flavor with something.

That “something” is usually sugar.

Which can get stored as fat in our bodies. Crap.

So, fat is not the enemy. According to Taubes and Paleo folks, it has been vilified and the real focus should have been on sugar and carbs all along.

And thus in the Paleo Diet, fat makes up a large portion of one’s diet.

Do I need to eat every 3 hours on the Paleo Diet?

When you eat on the Paleo Diet doesn’t matter. Eat when you’re hungry, don’t eat when you’re not.

Going again back to our evolutionary history, we didn’t always have the luxury of going to a vending machine or drive-through window to pick up food. Sometimes we’d go all day long, or even days at a time, without finding any food.

Luckily, we’re designed to use our excess fat stores as energy in these situations.

Don’t worry about eating every three hours.

In fact, I’d recommend NOT eating all of the time, and instead focus on eating full meals!

Sometimes, it’s even okay to skip a meal or two, as long as you don’t go berserk and eat seven pizzas because you’re so hungry afterward.

Don’t worry about hitting a specific number of calories each day. If you’re not hungry, don’t eat.

This type of eating is generally referred to as Intermittent Fasting.

What are the criticisms of this diet?

The dismissive criticisms of the Paleo Diet generally fall into one of three categories:

Cavemen had short lifespans. So there.

A recent article said that cavemen ate grains. So there.

We don’t know what cavemen ate. So there.

As I said at the beginning of this article, it doesn’t matter what cavemen or cavewomen ACTUALLY ate.

The reason this diet works has nothing to do with what our bodies are designed to eat or what cavemen ate 1,000s of years ago.

The Paleo Diet CAN help you lose weight because it gets you to cut out junk food, focus on eating real food, and gives you a framework to evaluate quickly every food choice:

“Did a caveman eat this? Yes or no.”

That’s it!

By following those three rules, you’re likely to be healthier than you used to be, you’re likely to eat fewer calories than you used to, and you’re likely to start feeling better than you used to.

I personally don’t follow a Paleo Diet, but I do appreciate the fact that it’s easy to comprehend and gets people to take a more active approach in their food!

So, disregarding the fear mongering, dogma, and anthropological criticisms of what cavemen actually ate, what are the ACTUAL critiques of the Paleo Diet?

#1) “This type of diet can get expensive.”

Admittedly, while I recommend eating organic fruits and veggies, free-range chicken, and grass-fed beef whenever possible, these products can be more expensive in conventional stores due to the processes needed to get them there.

However, farmers’ markets often have well-priced meats, eggs, fruits, and vegetables that are locally grown and incredibly healthy.

Even if you’re spending a little more money than before, when you factor in your overall health, spending a few extra bucks on healthier food now is a wiser investment than thousands later on costly medical expenses.

Also, if you’re really short on cash, eating the non-organic or grain-fed version of a meat, vegetable, or eggs is still better than eating breads, pasta, fast food, and the like.

Most people simply compare the cost of a paleo meal with ramen noodles or pasta and bread and determine Paleo is prohibitively expensive.

Sure, it’s more expensive than those foods, but if you are smart with your money you can eat a much healthier meal and do so pretty inexpensively.

(This doesn’t even factor in the whole “if you eat cheap unhealthy food now, you’ll pay thousands in medical bills and hospital visits and medications later” argument which is valid too).

#2) “It’s difficult to eat Paleo in today’s society!”

A normal breakfast in the US consists of bagels, muffins, toast, cereal, or donuts.

NONE of those things have any nutritional value, they’re loaded with tons of carbs and calories, and are composed of processed grains that can jack up your stomach.

Eating out at restaurants can get tough too, and “paleo-approved” is not something you’ll usually find on a menu.

Eating in this manner requires careful planning and tons of willpower, but it can be done if you’re dedicated.

#3) “But cavemen had short lifespans! Of course they don’t have the diseases we do. We live way longer now.”

I agree with you here, but only because you don’t have to deal with the dangers of living back then. Again we don’t really care to live like cavepeople!

This is SIMPLY a construct that can help many make more informed food choices.

#4) “But what about the books and people that say “we’re not designed to eat grains” is garbage – plenty of societies around the world consume grains and aren’t fat and unhealthy like us.”

The China Study is frequently cited when criticizing the Paleo Diet – focusing on a vegetarian diet and consuming rice is healthier than the Paleo Diet. I respectfully disagree with the conclusions drawn from that book but that’s awesome if you want to go plant-based! [7], and will leave you to make your own conclusions based on your own self-experimentation.

You’re here to learn about the Paleo Diet though, so let’s keep the focus there

#5 “But this is just a meat diet, and eating all meat is bad!”

First of all, consider your sources and do your research before jumping to the conclusions.

Next, this is not an all meat diet or uber-low carb diet like Keto or Atkins. The biggest component of the Paleo Diet?

Vegetables!

Every meal in a true Paleo diet has a moderate amount of healthy (properly raised chicken, grass-fed beef, hormone free, etc.) meat combined with nutritious veggies or a moderate amount of fruit.

#6 “The Paleo Diet is too restrictive and I can’t live like this.”

This is the most valid criticism I personally have of the diet, as the best diet plan is the one you actually stick with and follow through on! The goal shouldn’t be to go “full paleo” for a few weeks only to go back to how you were eating before.

Instead, the goal here should be to rethink your relationship with food and develop a strategy that you can live with permanently.

There’s nothing worse than going on diets and gaining and losing the same 20 pounds over and over. The Paleo Diet, like other diets, WORKS ONLY IF YOU STICK WITH IT PERMANENTLY!

This makes sense after all: make temporary changes, get temporary results, right?

#7 “Steve, I hate vegetables, HALP.”

I got you. Heres how to start liking vegetables.

We know this all too well, and we have helped thousands of people slowwwwly transition their diet over a long period of time to make change less scary, more permanent, and thus make the weight loss permanent too!

If you’re overwhelmed or scared of changing too much, or maybe you’re just sick of dieting and want to find a solution that works for your busy lifestyle and situation, schedule a call with us to learn more about our 1-on-1 coaching program:

Meh, I’m still not convinced About the Paleo Diet.

That’s cool. You do you!

The human body is so incredibly complex that I doubt we’ll ever have a definitive answer on the best possible diet. This one might sound like a fad to you, or it’s too restrictive, complicated, etc.

If you’ve read this far, I assume you’re considering giving it a shot.

Take 30 days and try the Paleo Diet – cut out the grains and dairy, start eating more vegetables and fruits, eat more humanely raised and non-grain fed meat, cut out the liquid calories and sugar, and see how you feel after the month is up.

If you’re analytical and want numbers to use in your final verdict, get your blood work done at the beginning and end of the month.

Take a picture of yourself now, and then another 30 days from now. I bet you’ll be surprised with how your body transforms.

I hope that AFTER those 30 days you’ll have adopted some of the principles, noted how much better you feel, and continue to live with an improved relationship with food.

What does Steve think about the diet?

I’m a fan of the Paleo Diet because it makes logical sense to me.

I know we existed as a species 150,000 years ago, I know the agricultural revolution didn’t happen until 10,000 years ago, which means we had 140,000 years without grains.

In that time we learned to thrive as a species without grains (or else we wouldn’t be here).

The other reason I’m a fan is because it provides simple – though strict rules to follow. I love mental models that help us make sense of the world, and I think for SOME people, the Paleo Diet will really help them cut down on overeating.

I personally do NOT do a Paleo Diet, but I do have rules that I follow.

Do whatever makes you happy and fits in your schedule. I like this kind of stress-free eating.

Regardless of whether or not grains should be vilified, I love this diet because I know it WORKS. I know people that have lost incredible amounts of weight and changed their lives within a matter of months.

People like Staci:

Regardless of how you feel about grains, we can all agree that eating more natural foods and less processed foods is better for you.

MY BIG FINAL POINT: Temporary changes create temporary results. If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to make permanent adjustments to your nutrition.

If you don’t see yourself being able to permanently follow a Paleo Diet, I would advise a more ‘wade in from the shallow end‘ approach to dietary change!

Where can I get even more info about the Paleo Diet?

Here’s our full list of Nerd Fitness Paleo/Healthy recipes, and here are my three favorites:

10 Minutes of Prep, 10 Easy Meals

Paleo spaghetti: freaking delicious, I promise

How to Make Mini Paleo Pizzas.

I’ve also compiled a list of my favorite sites and recipe books around the internet that can help you get started:

#1) Nom Nom Paleo – Michelle Tam and her husband Henry are amazing people, and their Paleo Blog is absolutely phenomenal. Great photos. Well written. Organized intelligently.

Their “Nom Nom Paleo” cookbook is a fun resource too, and a great place to get started with cooking for your Paleo lifestyle. Oh what’s that? You have kids and a spouse and you’re all trying to eat healthier too? This book is perfect for that as well!

#2) Mark’s Daily Apple – Easily the most comprehensive resource on the Internet for the Paleo Diet – Mark writes an article every weekday about everything Paleo, and it usually blows me away. Some of the posts can get overwhelming, so I suggest starting with his Primal Blueprint 101.

The Primal Blueprint – If you want to read about this stuff in a book rather than on a computer screen, Mark’s book The Primal Blueprint is a great place to get started on not only what to eat, but why you should be eating it.

It’s educational, funny, real-world applicable, and teaches you how to primalize (just made that up) the rest of your life too.

#3) Robb Wolf – Another great resource, and a guy I’ve already referenced in this article multiple times. Check out his site for a comprehensive FAQ on all things Paleo, a shopping list pdf (right-click and save), and plenty of humor.

The Paleo Solution – This article would have been finished 3 hours earlier, but before I wrote it, I read ALL of Robb’s new book. It seriously had me laughing out loud at certain points – not bad for a book on diet!

This book is a little less forgiving than Mark’s book above, but it’s still a great read.

#4) Loren Cordain – Loren is considered the leading expert on the Paleo Diet – Robb is actually one of his students/disciples/padawans.

Dr. Cordain is probably the foremost authority on this type of eating, which is why I really enjoyed reading both of his books.

MORE RECIPE RESOURCES:

Ready or Not! 150 Make Now Recipes – The newer book from Michelle Tam of Nom Nom Paleo. It’s super fun. Plus she’s wearing a Nerd FItness t-shirt in some of her photos in the book, so I might be sliiiightly biased 🙂

Mark’s Daily Apple – Although he sells the cookbook on Amazon, Mark also lists over 100 free primal recipes on his site. Pick something on the list, go buy the ingredients, and follow the instructions! So easy even a caveman can do it.

Everyday Paleo – Great pictures, easy to follow recipes, and pretty interesting combinations. Click on FOOD in the Nav bar, and the meals are broken down into breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

If you’re curious about The Paleo Diet’s recent popularity and thus it’s criticisms, we’ve written two other pieces on Nerd Fitness that might be of interest:

“The Paleo Diet Debunked??” where I address a few of the more recent criticisms that have popped up.

“In Defense of a Paleo-Ish Diet” where I cover how to live a mostly Paleo lifestyle but still enjoy the modern benefits of society.

Easing Into The Paleo Diet

Maybe you’re ready to try out this Paleo lifestyle, but you can’t commit fully. There are certain foods you refuse to give up, or you can’t afford to buy grass-fed beef at the moment.

That’s okay!

If you can even make a few small changes here and there (cut out liquid calories, switch out your rice for steamed vegetables, cut back on bread, etc.) you’ll start to see some changes.

Remember, 20% healthier is better than 0% healthier – as you get more comfortable with the changes you can increase that percentage.

You can also follow our favorite strategy. After all, I know how tough it is to stay loyal to a strict diet, especially without a plan to follow. It’s why we created free resources that can help you reach your goals faster without you also going crazy.

Get rid of the temptation: if you’re gonna go at this thing with a full head of steam, remove all the junk food from your house.

It’s going to take a few weeks for your body to adjust to burning fat instead of glucose, and you might want to eat poorly here and there. If there’s no food in your house to tempt you, it will be much easier to stay on target.

Now, it’s your turn.

Have you tried the Paleo Diet yet?

What was your experience like?

Have a criticism of the diet that I didn’t cover before?

Do you have favorite paleo resource?

Remember, one of the major Rules of the Rebellion is to question everything!

I hope this article gives you some food for thought (terrible pun, I know), and gives you the permission to question conventional wisdom and start addressing the issues in your diet!

In addition to this Beginner Paleo Guide, I hope you consider checking our our 1-on-1 Coaching Program as well.

We have designed this program from the ground up to help people like you change their lives and fix their nutrition in a way that doesn’t suck.

Now, go forth. And eat like a caveman.

-Steve

PS: I’ll leave you with one final mention of the Nerd Fitness Academy – it essentially gamifies your experience in transitioning into a Paleo lifestyle and diet, and provides you with specific instruction, meal plans, workouts, and a supportive community.

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photo sources: cavemen elephant hunt, caveman cooking over fire, cavemen hunt paleo bear, milk truck logo, darth vader vendor, storm trooper tomato, lego cook, chef and lego pig, lego explorer, lego muffin, lego bread and carbs, frozen caveman grok lego, lego clock, lego caveman forging for food, caveman with wheel, darth vader and ostrich lego, easing into water lego, lego man with pasta

Footnotes ( returns to text)

Adult Obesity Prevalence Map CDC.gov

You can read our full guide on Gluten

Take a look at this time magazine article on cancer patients who switched to a zero-sugar diet and saw positive results.

check out the Inuit Paradox for a great read on societies that exist without almost any carbohydrates

If you want to nerd out about this stuff, go wild with this study

What if its all Been a Big Fat Lie?

This is the most well-researched critique I’ve found of the China Study: Denise Menger – China Study – Fact or Fallacy

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman! published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

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super-kenji-blog · 6 years ago

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Preparation for tomorrow begins today.

Year after year, we go along with the January ritual of making New Year resolutions. Then just months, or weeks, later, we break the promises that we made to ourselves. Then we get stuck in the guilt of broken resolutions, and we stand still.

Want to be fit and live healthier? Try keeping it simple in 2018: Commit to small changes and put yourself on the path to big results.

Staying fit and healthy plays an important role in our life. People neglect their health because of the hectic daily schedules but there are little things that you can do each day that will add to being healthy and fit.

Being fit and healthy doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to working out for hours a day and eating nothing but chicken and steamed broccoli for every meal. In fact, there are several more effective (and less painful!) habits you can adopt that will not only help you get in shape in the short-term, but will help you stay that way for the long run as well.

These seven habits are easy to implement into your everyday lifestyle, and will help get you healthy and fit for life:

1. Regular Check-ups:

One should get annual physical check up to make sure everything is as it should be. There is no harm getting regular checkups as it's good for your own body. Getting tests regularly benefits you because if and when something is abnormal, you will get to know about it timely and can consult with your doctor.

2. Get enough sleep:

Getting enough sleep is necessary to stay fit and healthy, many of us do not get enough. Lack of sleep affects our physical and mental health tremendously. It also affects metabolism, mood, concentration, memory, motor skills, stress hormones and even the immune system and cardiovascular health. Sleep allows the body to heal, repair and rejuvenate.

3. Exercise:

Exercise is important for being fit and healthy. One should walk for few minutes every day to stay fit. It also improves circulation and body awareness and can help combat depression. Cardiovascular exercise helps to strengthen the heart and lungs, strength training helps to strengthen the muscles and stretching helps to reduce the risk of injury by increasing flexibility.

4. Eat healthy food:

Eat lots of fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to stay healthy and fit. Also include lean sources of protein such as poultry, fish, tofu and beans into your diet. One should eat a balanced meal and not overeat. Junk foods like burgers, pizza and those that are highly processed and contain artificial sweeteners should be strictly avoided.

5. Do not skip breakfast:

One should have healthy breakfast as it keeps you energetic and fuelled for optimal mental and physical performance. Eating breakfast helps to maintain stable blood sugar levels and a healthy weight because you are less likely to overindulge later in the day.

6. Drink plenty of water:

Drink plenty of water as it helps in keeping our bodies hydrated and to maintain a healthy body. It is the natural cleanser for our organs and digestive system. Water also helps in flushing toxins out through the skin and urine.

7. Do not take stress:

Stress is not good as it harms the body and can cause a myriad of problems, from heart trouble to digestive problems. Exercise, meditation, doing what you love, appropriate boundaries, spirituality, being in nature and enjoyable hobbies helps to alleviate the harmful effects of stress on the body.Don't overwork, take breaks and surround yourself with people who support you.

I hope all these seven habits are easy to adopt and start following it from today itself without any delay or excuse!

#Fitnessregimeandgoals

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minutkomentalhealthclinic · 6 years ago

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Common Signs Of Stress In Children And How To Help Them

If your child is suddenly behaving oddly, throwing tantrums or experiencing meltdowns, do not dismiss this as a phase of bad behavior. These are typical signs that your child is under stress. Children feel easily stressed by anything unfamiliar or any change in routine. They may not always express this verbally, but stress shows up in their behavior. Here are the signs you need to watch out for to understand whether your child is undergoing stress.

1. Reluctance to attend school If your child repeatedly refuses to go to school, something at school might be causing them stress. Children usually enjoy going to school where they can meet their friends. But they would want to skip school if they are not able to cope with school work or have consistently poor grades. They may also be traumatized by bullying or suffer from low self-esteem due to negative feedback from peers or teachers. Children typically become reluctant to attend a new school in the initial days, but if it continues longer, you’d have to address the underlying stress factor.

Stay in contact with school authorities: Being in touch with the school teachers will help you updated about your child’s behavioral changes and academic status.

2. Headache Consider it a red flag when your child frequently complains of headache but the doctor cannot find any medical reason. Stress is a major trigger. Indirectly, stress can also affect a child’s sleep and that itself might contribute to headaches.

Know your child’s activities: Know what activities your kids is involved in so that you can easily understand whether the aches and pains have a medical basis or are caused by stress. Also keep a check on TV programs and games they enjoy. Violent shows or games can worsen their stress.

3. Stomach ache Children feel pain in the stomach when they are stressed. If your children constantly complain of a stomach ache or say they are feeling funny in the tummy, stress may be a possible cause. It could be because of an untoward event at school, an impending test or separation anxiety. In fact, both separation anxiety and abdominal pain, as well as other symptoms like nausea or vomiting, seem to peak when the child is 7–9 years old. The human digestive system has a network of nerves that form the enteric nervous system. They respond to stress just like the brain does. Overeating to cope with the stress may also lead to a stomach ache, and stress itself might make the child extra-sensitive to any discomfort.

Make home a haven: Make your home a place where children feel safe and can relax. Avoid conflicts and arguments in front of them. Maintain family routines, like eating dinner together or watching a movie together every week to strengthen the family bond and make kids feel secure. When faced with a change in routine children find comfort in familiar things.

4. Change in appetite The appetite changes when stress levels start rising. When stress becomes chronic, it leads to bingeing on comfort foods like sugary, fatty treats. If you notice a similar change in your child’s appetite that cannot be caused by any other physical condition (eg. flu) it may be the doing of stress. An interesting study found that kids aged 5–7 years tended to overeat when stressed, especially if their parents used food as a reward or kept them away from certain foods for health-related reasons when they were 3–5 years old.

5. Bedwetting Bedwetting is fairly common in children above 5 years and it is not necessarily a psychological problem. About 60% of children who wet their bed in sleep suffer from at least one mental health problem, such as generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, school phobia, social anxiety and separation anxiety. Stress is, however, known to make the bedwetting situation worse, leading to bedwetting episodes even during the daytime. Stress that a child faces could range from exam worries to even serious problems like parental conflicts or sexual abuse.

Stay alert: relapse of bedwetting in kids who had outgrown this health problem can be a sign of sexual abuse. This could be due to the trauma, a urinary tract infection or a sexually transmitted infection

6. Use of specific words and babytalk Children can repeatedly use words like tired, mad, scared, sad, worried to express their distress. They may also say self-deprecatory statements like, “I am not good enough,” “I am not important,” “nobody likes me,” or “nothing is fun.” If older kids start to speak in a baby voice or engage in baby talk, it may indicate an underlying sense of insecurity and low self-confidence. It is possible that they are seeking attention or are trying to regress to a more secure past.

Learn to listen: Listen to your child closely and without judgment to be able to interpret their happy moments and sad ones. You have to be aware of how your kids speak to notice the shift in tone or word usage when they are stressed.

7. Tic disorders Stress may give rise to certain nervous tics in children or make any they had worse. Children with transient tic disorder tend to make one or many brief, repeated movements or noises. They may show facial tics or tics that involve the movement of the arms, legs or other areas including blinking, clenching the fists, kicking, licking the lips, etc. Sounds or noises that children with the disorder show include clicking, grunting, hissing, sniffing, moaning, etc. The tics appear to worsen with stress. Transient tic disorders usually resolve in a year. Doctors usually recommend family members to ignore the tics. Showing that the tic is worrying you will further distress your child.

Build your child’s self-worth: Every child has a unique gift, whether in drawing or basketball. Encourage and show affection to help them succeed in what they are best at. Teach them to work on their weaknesses. Use rewards and not punishments to help build their self-worth.

8. Tantrums or meltdowns If you notice a sudden change in their behavior that lasts for a few days, it’s a red flag. When stressed, some children may throw temper tantrums, display stubbornness, or even become aggressive, physically or verbally. Some kids may have a meltdown over a class assignment or with simple tasks like tying the shoe lace or buttoning up a shirt. Other kids may withdraw or show apathy toward activities they enjoyed before as well as anything new you may try to involve them into.

Manage your own stress well: If you have stress of your own, try to keep it low-key. Do not let your child see you having a meltdown or being aggressive when stressed. Manage your anger and find a creative outlet for your stress. Your child will be able to deal with stress positively too.

9. Sleep disturbances If your child has been a sound sleeper, sudden changes in his or her sleep quality indicates an underlying health problem or stress. Sleep disturbances, teeth grinding at night, frequent nightmares, and even sleep paralysis are signs to watch out for. Lack of quality sleep in turn manifests in more stress, low mood, irritability, and poor concentration.

Inform your child about changes: Keeping your child in the dark about something you may be dealing with in your personal or professional front is okay. However, all changes that involve your child, like migrating to a new city, should be communicated as early as possible.

Knowing that their child is going through a tough time can be overwhelming for any parent. Kids draw their strength from their parents, a guardian, a favorite teacher or a relative. You can help your child deal with a stressful situation, whether at home or at school, if you are alert and compassionate.

www.en.psyclinic-center.ru

#stress #stress relieve #overcoming stress #mental health #mental disorder #mental health clinic #mental heath support #mental health treatment

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