#i do not write i am not a writer and i have no intentions of writing this but good god i almost feel like i have to

[isaidyoulookshitty]

idk it is so upsetting to me that veilguard is the first dragon age game i won't be replaying. when i was 15 i played origins so many times (almost a dozen) it is one of the only games i have ever 100% finished. da2 was the same! and while i didn't make it through as many playthroughs of inquisition i put hundreds of hours into it and made an effort to get to the bottom of everything the game threw at me. until veilguard, i had bought every available dragon age dlc for all games, tried to play almost every route given in the story choices, and spent hours reading through codex entries to soak up as much lore as i could.

veilguard has rendered all of that completely null.

it feels almost spiteful at this point that this new frakenspliced bioware cared so little to honor the bones and meat of the first three games. 15 years i have spent loving and cherishing (and criticizing) this franchise and now i feel like a fucking idiot for it. my grey warden? canonically awol and never addressed again. hawke? irrelevant and, for some players, potentially stuck in the fade forever. inquisitor? stripped of any complexity or depth i had given her in favor of the most syrupy, out of character fairytale true love's kiss ending with a man that shattered her worldview and broke her heart. how do you take 10 years to craft an ending this dissatisfying and thoughtless?

and the world i spent a decade and a half fighting for, shaping with player choices, and calling home? gone. "overwhelmed by the blight." literally scorched earth for the next game to build on with whatever the writers pull out of their ass to make players forget all about the original dragon age. it's tragic! disrespectful to longtime fans at best, at worst it feels intentional and like i am being made the butt of a joke told by writers who in the promotional material sound like they could not even be assed to play the games they're attempting to draw from. veilguard is just a product to be sold, not a story worthy of The Dragon Age Setting.

and i haven't even touched on all my gripes with the game's writing, the sanitization of any canon conflict that could be uncomfortable or difficult to address, the stale and cutesy therapyspeak and lessons in basic morality that are baked into every in-game interaction (most of which are shallow and all the same anyways) compared to the dialogue trees from the other 3 games. it is so frustrating to see that the devs chose to cave to a decade of vitriolic fandom politics in favor of addressing the kettle they wrote themselves into.

instead of hand-waving racism toward elves, the panic over qunari, the isolation of the dwarves, the corruption of the chantry, the abuse in the circles of magi, and slavery in tevinter, we should have been given the chance to confront all of it. to put a real end to it. we will never get to do that now. in fact, in their failure to follow through, bioware has only succeeded in exacerbating all of these issues. they have made the elves, which they have openly ADMITTED were "inspired" by Jewish and indigenous peoples, their mouthpiece for white guilt and shame passed down from one's ancestors (while also gutting elves' religion, culture, history, social differences, etc. i could go on). they PERPETUATE the same stereotypes of barbarity, violence, and warmongering imposed on the qunari by the rest of thedas by continuing to make them an opposing enemy force with the exception being a couple of friends they have neatly packaged for us. the unsatisfying conclusion to the mage-templar schism in inquisition is inconsequential. who the player chose to HEAD THE SOUTHERN CHANTRY as divine is deliberately made irrelevant. the dwarves are still isolated and ignorant of their origins save for harding (assuming she doesn't end up killed) and a single closed-off group. and the slaves in tevinter (again, mostly elves)? conveniently kept out of sight and conversation when we finally get to minrathous. everything that happened to fenris to make him the character he is, arguably the most impactful and sympathetic out of all the da2 companions, is not even addressed, much less tackled. all of it is swept under the rug.

i could go on about how i, a queer and nonbinary adult fan, thought their handling of gender and LGBTQIA+ identities was heavy-handed, infantilizing, and felt so out of place within the setting it makes easy fodder for the "woke=broke" crowd that wouldn't have been receptive to queer rep anyway, but that would need to be another post in itself. not to mention the romance! unfortunate that i chose to romance lucanis not knowing his is now notorious for a lack of content, meaningful dialogue, pacing, and actual development. i won't even get to see the other romances in comparison because, as i have said, i will not be replaying.

i wanted dragon age: dreadwolf. i wanted a solid conclusion to a story almost 20 years in the making. a dragon age reboot might even have been a great idea somewhere down the line, but this was not the game to do it with. it was supposed to be a sequel and they couldn't even get that right. did i enjoy parts of it? of course! i finished it! but i won't be doing it again. the game clearly intends you to, considering a significant portion is locked away by decisions players are forced to make pretty early on, but i can't make myself do it. it makes me way too sad.

[kathbunny]

Okay!! So!! Blah posted art of library monster Maxim so I am going to do a little bit writing for the au here on Tumblr bc why not!!

Context that you barely need due to the fact it won't be mentioned or be important:

• it is an isekai au! Pretty classic isekai stuff! VR-LA was a guy in a normal modern world, he liked a video game, something happened and he ended up in the game's world! Simple stuff, he runs off from home, starts the adventure from the game, cheeses some stuff with his knowledge. He's having a great time mostly.

• Maxim was a npc and optional boss fight! He was in the library, enforced its rules, etc. he just there, he has mechanical bugs as library assistants. He was well loved by the fandom, by his designer, by his two voice actors, by the writers, etc. he did willingly make himself this, but some of the negative effects weren't intentional, and he did not do it for mentally healthy reasons.

• the old crew are explorers and MR-SN dies at a certain time in the game unless you do a bunch of a side quests and explore a lot of places first. It was a meme bc most people don't do that or even talk to them enough to care, so learning about it every playthrough became just funny. VR-LA joins them after saving the world!

Anyway none of that matters bc this is just going to be about VR-LA and Maxim in the library. Writing time

CW repeated mention of blood and injury

VR-LA had a very specific routine each time he returned to the library. He cleaned off his boots outside, ensuring he brought in as little mud as possible from dragging himself through the desolate wilds around it. He stepped inside and removed his outer coat in the entryway, folding it and placing it into his bag, attempting to look presentable. He made sure any of his louder items were tucked away so any clanking, clicking, ticking, or chiming was kept to a minimum. Each step so he wouldn't break any of the rules of the library.

Today though, he couldn't. Snow was piling up outside the door, his sides aching from wounds that potions made harmless, his outer coat stuck to his vest from dried blood, his legs feeling like they may give out from lack of break and hours of movement. He stumbled to the first door, pressing his hand against the knocker which sat at the center, made to be in the shape of the same sort of monster as the library's protector. After a second, the ring within the mouth of the decoration knocked against the door on its own, and VR-LA heard a subtle click. Hopefully Maxim wouldn't mind VR-LA resting in only the entryway before he straightened up, VR-LA wasn't sure if he could handle that fight in this state.

VR-LA pulled the door open, immediately feeling a rush of warm air from within. He hurried into the entryway, pulling the door shut behind him. He sat on the floor, pulling his backpack off his shoulder. The game always made travelling like that seem so easy.

There was buzzing from above him, most likely one of the assistants coming to examine the guest. VR-LA rather hoped Maxim would be too busy to greet him immediately, even if that was unlikely. He leaned his head back against the wall, squinting up at the large mechanical bee. It turned away, going through a hexagon passageway built too high up the wall for a human to ever go through and deeper into the library.

VR-LA took a deep breath, his eyes feeling heavy from exhaustion. If he stayed leaning back like this, he probably wouldn't be able to stay awake. He pushed himself to sit up straighter, focusing on his coat and vest first. He wouldn't be able to remove them separately in their current state, so his vest would have to be unbuttoned first. He was lucky the blood wasn't his own or the shirt would have had to go too.

There was a loud slam of the door at the other end of the entryway, startling VR-LA right as his cold hands managed to get through the first button. And he was quickly up in the air, teeth holding onto the back of his coat. "VR-LA." Maxim growled. Today's the day. Today's the day Maxim throws VR-LA out forever. Maxim was carrying him into the library as he spoke in a rather muffled manner. "I have potions within my nest. Once your injuries are dealt with, we will discuss the cause-"

Oh! "I had a potion for them an hour ago, this blood isn't mine." VR-LA replied awkwardly.

"So you had been injured?"

"Yes?"

"Then it is a requirement you rest." Maxim dropped VR-LA onto a random couch, one far too tiny for the monster to put himself on, given he was almost as large as the elephants of VR-LA's original world. His sat on the ground in front of VR-LA, using his front paws to adjust VR-LA surprisingly nimbly, like he was more of a doll than a person, before VR-LA himself even got the chance to. Large claws were unbuttoning his vest more nimbly than his own could've, Maxim squinting to get the good look he needed. "How long were you in the cold while dressed like this?" Maxim asked, the beans of his paws briefly brushing against VR-LA's side as he tried to check under the vest to confirm VR-LA's words.

"Most of today?"

"It is nearly night and that is not nearly enough for the snow. The fabric is too thin." And with that, Maxim draped a wing over VR-LA. Soft feathers brushed against his face and sides, the rich coppers and browns of them glittering slightly in the light. "It will do your journey no good to die of cold."

[sylviabit-thehand]

OKAY so here’s the aforementioned essay. Keep in mind I am a bad writer, I do not edit, and I’m writing this through the power of caffeine and two hours of sleep.

So I wanna start with Grayson and Drake, kinda comparing. Starting off, we don’t get a lot of history from Drake. The guy exists mostly in the information we gather from Andrew and Higgins. He seems to have a great mom and Andrew called his dad “harmless.” Drake as an adult targets children. The classic disgusting predator. Besides Andrew we know he targeted six more kids after him. However we don’t know much about his actions before that. The guy was insane, going after everyone available.

Grayson is very different in a lot of ways. We get a lot more information about him because his little brother gives us information and Jean seems to know a lot about him. He doesn’t have any jarring details about his home life. But Lucas says that he changed after becoming a Raven. As Jean puts it, “he’s not your brother, he’s a Raven.” A very cult-ish situation. We all know coach Moriyama basically beat a bunch of kids into becoming his perfect cult of exy players, so it’s safe to assume Grayson didn’t have it easy. Somewhere along the way, he starts targeting Jean. It seems to start with the intention of gaining Riko’s favor. I think this motivation continues to exist, even after Riko’s death because he wants to be Perfect Court. He wants his cheek tattoo. Now I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think his attitude went from simply being ruthless in his pursuit for success to a desperate need for control. Maybe some sadism. Remember Jean notes that Grayson seems to take some pleasure in the fear he can so easily instill in him.

Now look at Jean and Andrew; Andrew has long escaped his abuser by the time we arrive at The Foxhole court. He’s going to therapy, he’s on medication, and despite the odd violent assault against the foxes, he’s healing. Andrew is very much a fighter. Not always for himself though. Remember, Andrew took the step of GOING TO JAIL to escape Drake once Drake threatened to harm Aaron. He also saved Nicky from getting a beating with that move.

Jean, compared to Andrew, looks very normal from the outside. He’s not having violent outbursts and threatening people with knives lmao. But by the time we get to TSC bro is a disaster. He hates Riko, he can’t survive without him. He hates the Ravens, but they’re all he has. Jean does not leave willingly. He is saved by the people who care about him. That’s a parallel in my opinion. Jean is saved by the people he loves. Andrew saves himself for the people he loves. Jean doesn’t want to speak to a counselor/therapist. He doesn’t want to tell anyone about anything having to do with him, but he doesn’t actually push back when people find the truth. That’s a parallel with Andrew, who may share information, but does not allow it to go beyond who he chooses to impart it to.

Okay are you still with me? We have four people(two Humans) who all have their own starting points in AFTG.

Now let me get to the moment of implosion Jean and Andrew both experience.

Grayson and Drake both return to inflict more trauma on their victims. For Jean, he thinks he’s going to have a sort of reconciliation with Lucas. Andrew goes to let Nicky have his reconciliation with their family. Both have similar goals, but again, Andrew is only doing this for his family. Jean is almost bullied into it. Unfortunately both of them get ambushed by their abusers. Interestingly enough, if we dig far enough, we can blame Riko for all of it. Grayson targeted Jean because of Riko’s Perfect Court. Drake goes back for Andrew because Riko convinces him to. For Andrew, he basically relives the trauma. In a huge way. Jean relives his trauma in a smaller way(note Grayson biting). Jeans reaction is to withdraw into himself, to go cold. Andrew’s first reaction is laughter. And then he immediately checks to see if his family is okay.

An interesting thing to note is Drake uses Andrew’s family against him. Grayson uses his OWN family against Jean. (I’ll touch on this again in a minute)

Something I find super interesting is almost immediately after both of these traumatic events BOTH men have to interact with Neil. For Andrew, he’s surrounded by his family. Neil, Kevin, Nicky, and Aaron. His twin, Aaron, has just murdered his rapist with Neil’s racquet. Jean is simply patched up and shipped home, where Neil picks him up and provides him with a LOT of peace one way or another. Andrew’s recovery process is basically “go sober up so you can properly heal,” while Jean therapeutically destroys the hateful messages the Raven’s left for him.

Now Id like to talk about the motives and underlying causes for Andrew and Jean’s lives. For Andrew, bro is actually very selfless. Everything he does is for family. He gives off “nothing to lose” vibes but in reality everything he does is for his people. This is something not even his own twin realizes until Neil points it out. I think Drake must’ve known this. He doesn’t corner Andrew somewhere, he uses his own family against him. Andrew protects Cass by not revealing her son as a rapist, protects Aaron from that rapist, and in general goes around making sure the foxes are safe and healthy. We see a measure of trust he puts in people. He gives Neil his armbands before he’s taken to the hospital, he has various foxes drive his car for him. Jean is quite the opposite. He has no one. And this is why Grayson’s methods for getting him aren’t super strategic. He simply barrels through a gate, his little brother, and attacks Jean. All of this to say that Jean has no one to worry about but no one to save him. When Neil reveals that they are now owned by Ichirou and NOT Riko, Jean doesn’t actually have any sort of joy from that. He’s lost, he’s confused, and even worse he’s angry. Throughout TSC it’s revealed that Jean is actually kind of Jealous of Kevin and Neil. Because they have people to live for. Jean feels kind of like a boat lost at sea. He’s not selfish in that he’s not throwing himself into danger like Andrew does, he just has no one. All he had was the Ravens. Everything he does is for himself and because of the whole “I am Jean Moreau, I have always gotten exactly what I deserve” his progress is slower than we may be used to. But honestly bro is doing so much. He’s got nothing, but he’s trying anyway. In a way he’s kinda right? Neil, Andrew, and Kevin are lucky. Because they have family. Jean is only existing for himself. Andrew and Jean are SO different but also there’s those shadows of similarities. Enough that even Jean sees it, as is revealed in the “So Drake wasn’t a biter,” line.

Lastly I’d like to consider the man the myth the legend Neil Josten. Because he has an important role in both of these men’s lives. Not to mention Drake and Grayson’s lives(or lack thereof) Now don’t get me wrong, Aaron deserves ALL the credit for bashing in Drake’s skull. But also let’s not forget Neil literally handed him the weapon. Neil witnessed the carnage of the death. And more importantly Neil learned a lesson on how devastating people like Drake and Grayson are. Even though he did not experience this particular trauma, he watched Andrew (the person constantly describe as a STEADYING person) crumble. So then Neil comes across Jean, the man who took Riko’s wrath in his and Kevin’s stead, the man who SHOULD have been his partner. And this guy reveals he has his own Drake of sorts. It’s safe to make the assumption that Neil can see Andrew in Jean. Only it’s worse because Jean doesn’t have anyone. There’s no twin carrying a racquet flying to his rescue. Jean is alone and his attacker is still out there, a threat hanging in the air. Neil, the FASTEST striker in the NCAA, was not fast enough to save Andrew. He was outrun but Aaron the midget. Well now it’s HIS turn to take out a rapist. 🥰 Only Neil isn’t much for smashing in heads. He’s a mafia kid, so ofc he’s gotta hire someone. Over DINNER no less. He provides Jean with support. Even better, he gives him discretion. Jean has just stepped into a very different world from Edgar Allen. TSC leaves us with the start of something that actually gives me shivers. Jean had no one. Now, he has the potential to have everything Kevin and Neil have. And not to be cheesy but I don’t think he’s letting that go any time soon.

THATS ALL! Didn’t expect anyone to read this but sorry for my scattered brain theories and ideas.

I could write essays on Drake vs Grayson and Jean vs Andrew.

[threewordusername]

the abyss.

d.b.a

[qiu-yan]

in MDZS the novel, the innkeeper in Yunping mentions that people are too scared to go petition Yunmeng Jiang for help because someone once walked in on Sect Leader Jiang whipping a guy in the main hall, supposedly because the guy was a demonic cultivator.

[essektheylyss]

I am obsessed with how narratively convenient Lark's divinatory abilities are. She's the only one of the protagonists who is both pragmatic and has a working sense of self-preservation, so having some internal impulse that is actually the guiding hand of the cosmos pushing her into doing the REALLY stupid shit is both necessary and really useful.

Like, I am the type of writer who kind of scoffs at the idea that characters are beyond the writer's control and will completely screw over your outline, because on one hand, a sensible outline will follow the characters' personalities and tendencies anyway. Obviously in an ensemble cast you will need to do some wrangling, but in theory your characters are responding to varying degrees of stimuli in order to maneuver them into the places you need them to be for things to all come together in the end.

But more importantly, "curse from god" is the funniest and easiest way to push any character to do things beyond the realm of reason when necessary, and frankly, what the fuck is the point of playing god if you don't embrace that?

[isekyaaa]

I'm going to say again like I know it is really dumb to feel this way, but I finally put into words why I get so annoyed when people ask me for a part 2 to one of my works. Like I explained once to people that writing is a very slow and arduous task for me, but it's more than that?

Picture you are an artist working on a painting. You spend months on it to get everything just right. You pour time and energy into getting the perfect composition, the perfect lighting, the perfect shades etc. And then finally, you finish it. After a year, you finally finished your masterpiece. And your work is a hit. People really like it. But then.... Someone comes up to you and says, "Gosh, I really love this painting! But you know what? I love it so much that I think the painting is much too small. You know what? You should add on two extra feet of canvas onto the right side of your painting. That way, you can add on more to your painting and it'll be even bigger and more enjoyable!"

To me, that's what it feels like when someone asks for a part two. Like this last fic honest to God I started on more than a year ago. Granted, I'd pick it up and put it back down, but I put a lot of work into making sure everything was as perfect as possible. It's not an amazing fic, mind you, but it still gave me a lot of trouble. But eventually I finished it into a COMPLETE work. It's a finished painting. That's the story I wanted to tell in its entirety.

I get why people want a part two. I get that the story ends to leave you wanting to know what happens next. But that's the point. That's the story I wanted to tell. It's complete. This isn't supposed to be pure romance. It's supposed to be more on the comedic side. But when people ask for a part two, it's like they're telling me that they're not satisfied with my artwork, that it's not perfect and needs more work for it to become perfect. It's like they're ignoring all the year's worth of effort I put into making sure the composition, wording, humor, etc was just right. Not only that. I should put another year's worth of work into making it truly perfect. It's insulting and exhausting.

Granted, like I said, I do understand people completely do not intend to make me feel this way. I'm not irritated with these people directly. I know it's supposed to be a compliment. But like.... Maybe it's because I'm prideful but I really can't help but be insulted. It's telling me that I didn't do a good job as a writer.

[meirimerens]

i know the Willow Mellow lore gets worse the longer you dig inside of it + it reflects even Worse on the writers when you put the actual words on her situation but let's not forget Darlings she is a child. she is 15 to 17yo depending on what piece of documentation we refer to, too young to consent to sex and therefore does not fit the category of "sex worker", and instead falls under the definitions of "sexually exploited youth", more specifically "sexually exploited child", as UNICEF, UNESCO, Convention for the Rights of the Child, [...] and general common sense all define "child" as "person under the age of 18".

she is the victim of kidnapping by her """adoptive father""" and of sexual exploitation by her (presumably adult) "clients" (as she does not appear to have a pimp, and is instead written saying she loves what she does and such giddy teehee fun. [powerful side-eye through someone in the writing team.] [she's not a Real Person I have to stress, so someone wrote her like this, wrote this kid like this.] [it is all part of a narrative in which she is struggling to shake off her "father's" exploitation, an inherently tragic one, but she still was written that way, and could have been written any other way, with any other "rebellious" act]). calling her a sex worker as a child who is basically the same age as P2 Capella or Grace is putting her in a Grown-Up category especially harmful considering we are supposed to read her as an indigenous girl, member of the Kin (even if her lore is Mysterious and Hazy) and indigenous women and girls are sexualized in racialized ways which often paint them as more ~~~naturally~~~ sexually liberated, or docile, or submissive, or [insert racist x sexist stereotype promoted by colonizers to excuse the mistreatment of indigenous women and girls].

tldr yes it's worse when you actually call her what she actually is, and worse tenfold when you read what the writers make her say about it [even as an inherently tragic situation that we can recognize and put words on (hence this post), she could have been written any other way, with any other rebellious act, but you know.] but you know x2 (SIDE-EYES SOMEONE ON THE WRITING TEAM VERY HARD TIL ME EYES POP OUT ME SKULL)

[strawbrains]

Does poor things get good or is it just uncomfortable born yesterday woman trope turned literal the whole way through

[heartvisor]

<- guy who thinks too much about geed for a silly show with 25 eps

[ohsweetflips]

i need 2 be more clear that my posts abt unironically liking scum villain are not meant 2 be "i love it no i dont yes i do no i dont <3" but are actually meant to be "i love scum villain and it makes me feel a kind of way that it's always talked abt in a way that makes it sound like it's just a trashy guilty pleasure book bc imo it does make for a good, fun, sad, heartwarming story and it is worth talking abt as its own story and not 'MXTX's silly book vs. her two masterpieces'" like yes it is silly and fun but also i have never cried so hard over a piece of media showing that sometimes things just truly aren't fair and you can never turn back time to fix your mistakes so instead you just have to keep moving forward knowing more than you did before

i am making mountains out of mole hills but also. my blog my hill to die on <3

[vermillioncrown]

[+] my revision of formulation for the whole study & thesis was majorly approved, ppl can no longer pretend to or actually be lost

[+] minion² was contained, showed up in person and got the sense that no one was going to take his nonsense

[+] no major disagreement between the supes, all subteams understand their tasks

[-] back-to-back-to-back meetings w advisors, integrators, external working groups, and study lead in the next two weeks

[-] i have to finish reading... 15+ papers and compile their data

[-] fix a data structure implementation in my optimization model that i had promised since... nov last year lol (it wasn't entirely necessary. until now)

we'll see if i'm in the mood for stress relief writing instead of just stress relief daydreaming... there's a lot of stuff for every fic but it's all over the place. tpac hyperfixation is still holding strong (esp when compared to all other wips, it is second place for most concrete ending + actual epilogue)

(first place is larb bc every chapter is outlined and scoped; just haven't felt like writing it)

(not saying the other fics don't have planned endings but besides their plot i don't have the context for the endings yet. the shape of the ending scenes are very much informed by the long, in-between chapters)

[matryosika]

the sudden urge of deleting all my fics, deactivating my blog and starting a whole new one

[fractalkiss]

I cannot reblog my last socionics post for 1418 but if i may be vain... i went off in it.

[29121996]

.

[queerhockey]

had a dream that sid was starring in a production of bye bye birdie so now i’m going to be plagued for the rest of my life by a musical theatre fic that i will never write smh