#i do not think that watching this stuff is totally worthless to someone in different income bracket as well as COUNTRY but i do think some

[lwieserce]

Off topic but another thing that pissess me off while i watch american cooking videos is them using all these ingridients that clearly arent local and namedropping them so casually, even calling some of it kitchen staples😭😭😭😭😭

[alola-reblogging]

Got any team skull headcannons you could maybe write hehe I personally hc the grunts have rap battle night lol

Yes yes yes I have a thousand team skull headcannons omg thanks so much for requesting hehe ♡

• So the majority of team skull are kids who couldn't begin the island challenge and felt left out, or those who attempted the island challenge and gave up.

• Some of the grunts had just came from broken homes, and Guzma sympathised with them and let them stay instantly

• Friends or siblings or cousins of grunts then joined, and the team skull family got bigger

• I mean it's cannon Plumerina sees herself as everyone's big sister, and the grunts go to their big sis with all their problems

• Relationship problems, period pain, battling tips, and to Plums annoyance, to settle the dumbest arguments

• Plums tries her best to support all the kids, and give them 1 on 1 time

• She teaches the grunts life skills, such as battling, type match ups, gives advice on the best move set and so on

• She even teaches the grunts some cooking (not that she's great at it but she's a fairly decent cook), she usually supervises in the kitchen though as there's been more then one eight times incident in the kitchen

• The grunts who have an interest in makeup, Plums teaches them too. All of Alola may be fearful of Team skull but they can't deny their eyeliner is immaculate

• Yeah I can TOTALLY see them doing rap battles lol

• Every Friday night is rap battle night, and all the grunts are welcome to participate, the majority of everyone writes their own raps

• Many of the grunts know how to beat box

• Some of them will rap, others will back up the track beatboxing

• When Guzma joins in all of the grunts get so excited!!

• Both because the boss is in their presence, and because Guzma's sic on the mic

• They have game nights too

• They play loads of different games like Monopoly, Twister, Cludeo, they even play video games too

•It usually ends in boards being flipped, controllers being thrown and someone sulking in the corner

• Of course they have battle nights as well

• I mean, they battle every day, but once a month they'll hold a mini tournament and all battle one another

• It was something Plums came up with to help the grunts grow stronger together

• Spray painting is also a big past time of the grunts

• Most of them just tag places with the skull logo or some anarchy logos

• A few of the grunts are quite artistic about it, and all throughout alola you can see beautiful works of art that most would refuse to believe were created by a member of team skull

• And someone *cough cough guzma* spray painted ACAB on the wall of the police station

• Nanu hasn't bothered to clean it off

• In her spare time, Plumeria likes to watch anime and read manga, she has a secret soft spot for slice of life stuff

• If you mention it though she'll probably crush you.

• She also enjoys watching pokemon battles online from past champion defences or big matches from tournaments, she especially loves watching poison type trainers

• She's got a crush on Raihan from the Hammerlocke gym in the Galar region

• She follows him on social media and has seen all of his matches

• Its a secret dream of hers to battle him

• It's no secret Guzma holds a lot of anger towards Kukui and Kahuna Hala, but there's times where he truly does miss the times when he and Kukui were kids, and would just chill at the beach, eating malasadas and catching pokemon

• He misses Molayne too, and just the three of them doing absolutely nothing but cracking on and having a good time

• He would never admit to anyone, and it pisses him off when he has thoughts like that as he considers them weak and worthless

• Usually when he thinks about his old friends and the fun they had something ends up getting heavily destroyed

• When Guzma recruited Gladion as the enforcer of team skull he offered Gladion to come stay with them in Po Town

• Gladion refused, simply because the grunts annoyed him to point of going insane, and he knew it was best to be alone to get stronger, and he didn't want so many untrustworthy eyes of Null

• Plumeria and Guzma knew he was living rough, and felt bad for the kid, so Guzma fronted Gladion the cash for his motel room

• Gladion insisted on paying Guzma back but he refused to accept the money, stating to Gladion that it was nothing and in return he can back up the grunts when needed and do odd jobs for them

• Gladion was instantly thankful, though he had a difficult time expressing it

• Gladion usually had to defend the grunts against island challengers when they were loosing in battle

• The odd jobs consisted of many things, like stealing supplies from warehouses, finding and catching a specific pokemon, sometimes even doing drop offs for some not so legal products Guzma was selling on the low

• Gladion tried to keep away from Po Town and Team skull whenever he could, but the money was decent and Gladion was desperate

• He knew he had to feed his Pokemon, as well as himself

• He doesn't regret his time in team skull because he knew it was do or die but its not his proudest moment

• Gladion is always invited to game nights or rap battle nights by Plumeria but he always refuses, insisting he's got no time for nonsense with people below his level

• There was this one time he was at the mansion late delivering some stuff he picked up for Guzma, when a tropical rainstorm ensued and the trails was blocked off by mini floods, so he had no choice but to spend a night at the mansion

• It just so happened to he rap battle night

• Gladion hid in a corner watching in utter horror as all of the grunts danced around, spitting bars and blaring music throughout the mansion

• Guzma pushed him to the centre where he utterly froze and refused to participate

• This is where the grunts distsin of him really began, they already didn't like that he refused to live in the mansion and wear the team skull uniform, but they went absolutely mad when their boss paid for a motel for him too

• The grunts were jealous of the favoritism that Guzma showed Gladion, so when the boss himself wanted Gladion to rap and he refused, that was pretty much a death sentence for Gladion in the grunts eyes

• One of the grunt girls have a little thing for Gladion, and they're always overly flirty with him

• Gladion shows her no interest and is extremely uncomfortable with her advances

• She doesn't stop though, and overtime he just becomes irritated

• A lot of the grunts took this offensively that Gladion wasn't interested in their friend, just adding another reason to their hatred

• When the grunts gang up on him, it ends in pokemon battles, although there's been occasions its ended in a fist fight

• Plumeria always tries to keep the peace but even she has been at the blunt end of Gladions sharp tongue in the past

• do you guys remember when gladion called plumeria a whore in the manga omfg

Tysm for this ask it was fun ♡

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

Zutara. My otp since I first watched as a 10 year old in 2005. Hopefully you'll be kind to them 😉 I'm convinced they'll be cannon in the live action 😅

Alright... *starts digging grave*, I think Katara and Zuko have a wonderful platonic relationship and for them to have a romantic relationship would (1) undermine Zuko’s redemption arc and (2) undermine the found family aspect of their friendship. I don’t have an issue with anyone who ships Zutara and I do not engage in shipping drama, but I think their platonic relationship is too damn important to favor a romantic relationship I don't really think has chemistry. 

Personally, I have never gotten romantic vibes from them like... at all? I think the progression of their friendship was important in terms of the show’s themes of forgiving those who deserve it and finding support in people you least expect, but I just don’t get chemistry from them. I’ve always been a Kataang fan but how I feel about Zutara has nothing to do with that. Avatar is one of those shows where I would have been totally fine with it ending with no romantic pairings because the found family aspect of it is so much more powerful. 

If anyone has spent 5 seconds on my blog, you know that Zuko is my favorite character and I think he deserves nothing but love and support after all the shit he went through. But a big aspect of why I care about him as a character is that he put the work in to make amends. He didn’t just show up one day saying “I’ve seen the error of my ways, sorry for all the stuff I did, I’m good now” and that was that. He had to work for forgiveness and he did it because he realized the fire nation was wrong, his father was wrong, and he was wrong. His decision to switch sides had nothing to do with any connection with the gaang because he didn’t really know them. His decision to switch sides stemmed from 3 very important things: 

(1) He felt guilty not for betraying Aang and Katara in Ba Sing Se, but Iroh. He realized his uncle was the person who had given him unconditional love while Azula and Ozai’s “love” for him was entirely dependent on his ability to provide them results. From this guilt, he was able to realize that his uncle had made the right decision in siding with the Avatar and more importantly, that Ozai was wrong and that all the abuse he endured under him was undeserved. 

(2) His experiences in the Earth Kingdom as a refugee. This post explains it really well, but Zuko’s realization that everything he’s believed about the Fire Nation has been wrong is rooted in his moment of empathy with Song and her matching burn scar, his empathy with Lee who lost his brother like Zuko lost Lu Ten, his empathy with Jet who lost his way going to extremes for a cause, and, yes, his empathy with Katara who’s mother was taken from her by the Fire Nation like his was. The reason he switches sides is because after all of those experiences, he can no longer be callous or unfeeling towards the Earth Kingdom like his father or sister. The people of the Earth Kingdom either empathized with him for the pain he went through and appreciated him for his desire to help the helpless (Song, Lee, Jet) or feared and hated him for being part of a country that caused their suffering (Lee, Lee’s mom, Jet, Katara). Throughout season 2, Zuko realized the extent of what the war meant for the other side. 

(3) The realization of the extents his father would go to and the truth about Ozai’s amorality. This point is kind of just the culmination of everything in the last two points, but all that set up comes to fruition when Zuko attends the war meeting where Ozai decides to use Sozin’s Comet to commit genocide. By this point he’s racked with guilt over what he did to Iroh, he’s empathized with people who have suffered and is coming to terms with the fact that it’s not only the people of the earth kingdom that have unnecessarily suffered because of Ozai, but him as well. In that meeting, he expresses adoration for the Earth Kingdom being proud and strong and Ozai’s response is to burn it to the ground. It’s the same treatment he gave Zuko at the Agni Kai when he stuck to his morals and refused to fight and was met with abject cruelty. At that meeting, Zuko realizes that his father is wrong and that he was always wrong. He realizes that millions of people will suffer at the hands of this man who is so incredibly wrong and lacking in empathy. 

SO, keeping all that in mind. His redemption arc doesn’t stop when he switches sides, it keeps going as he makes individual amends with Aang, Sokka, and Katara. It keeps going as he learns from the dragons, as he chooses what he believes in over his girlfriend, as he risks his life to protect the gaang from Azula, and as he tries to help Aang, Sokka, and Katara find emotional closure in different aspects. He helps Aang overcome his fear of firebending. He helps Sokka regain his honor. And he helps Katara address her grief regarding her mother’s death. These four episodes are some of the best in the series because it’s not just Zuko working to make amends because he wants them to trust him, but it’s him empathizing with their trauma, their guilt, and their fear of failure because he’s been there. 

Alright, that’s a whole essay regarding why Zuko’s redemption arc works, now what does this have to do with Zutara? Here’s the deal: if any aspect of Zuko’s decisions for his redemption were influenced by romantic attraction to Katara, it would undermine the meaning of his choices for him. He made the choices to be better because he empathized with a nation of people who needlessly suffered. He made the choices to be better because he learned to cut himself off from the need to please his abusive father and accept the unconditional love of his uncle. His choice to help Katara find her mother’s murderer stemmed from empathy and his desire to be better than the people who hurt him and hurt others. The reason Katara’s resentment towards him hurt him so much was because he was trying so hard to be better than the people that were feared and hated. Katara treated him like Lee’s mom and Jet did when they realized he was a firebender (that being said, Katara was justified since Zuko’s decision to side with Azula resulted in the fall of Ba Sing Se and nearly resulted in Aang’s death), and he didn’t want to be that person. He didn’t want to be hated or feared anymore and he was willing to do anything to move past being viewed like that. So Katara’s decision to finally forgive him? It’s the point where she realizes he’s able to empathize with her over his mother’s death where her mother’s killer could not. She realized that he was different and had changed because he put the work in. And that’s huge for his redemption, not for any kind of forming relationship because that’s not the point. 

Now, concerning the whole found-family aspect I love so much? Zutara as a romantic pairing would undermine the beauty of Zuko’s ability to find a loving, supportive group of people that he was missing his entire life. Katara does not work as a romantic partner for Zuko because she works as his replacement sister. The fact is that Zuko’s actual family experience was founded on fear and not love, but the idea of “usefulness”. Zuko and Azula were only valued by Ozai so much as they were useful to him, which is why he favored (not loved) Azula, she was useful to him and Zuko wasn’t until he “slayed the Avatar”. Iroh (and Ursa for a time) was the only person who showed him unconditional love and support, but that wasn’t enough to snap him out of the need to please Ozai. Zuko rooted his entire self worth in what his family thought of him and engaged in very self-destructive behavior throughout season 1 to prove himself because he “didn’t want [his] father to think [he was] worthless”. Even throughout season 3, he still thinks that his uncle’s love for him is conditional (”my uncle hates me I I know it”) until he’s proven otherwise because that’s what he’s been taught. So him joining the gaang, that’s the first time in his life he’s really met with the concept of people liking him for himself, not for his ability to be useful (his family, Jet) or because they think he’s someone he’s not (Song, Lee, Jin). He’s met with friendship: people making fun of him in a playful way instead of tearing down his insecurities and vulnerabilities (”mind if I watch you too jerks do your jerkbending?” “so all we need to do is make Zuko angry, that should be easy enough”, “look, it’s baby Zuko!”, “actually I think [the play portrayal] is pretty spot-on”), people trying to help him fix his problems (”you need to go back to the original source”) instead of making him feel weak for not being able to solve those problems in the first place, and showing him express appreciation and encouragement (”you’re pretty smart”, “to Zuko, who knew after all the times he tried to snuff us out, today he’d be our hero”, “I’m going with Zuko!”). And that’s so. Damn. Important for his ability to heal after how he was treated for his entire life. He’s introduced to the idea that people want him to be around and they want to include him in their circle for being him. Up until the finale, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to reconcile with Iroh or if Iroh will accept his forgiveness, but these people have given him a home in their group and he’s not afraid or insecure around a group of people for the first time in his life. 

And that’s why Katara has to be the one to defeat Azula: because Azula couldn’t be the sister Zuko had and Katara could be. It’s a tragedy that Zuko and Azula were driven apart by Ozai pitting them against each other, the corruption of firebending throughout the ages so it’s regarded for its power rather than its energy, and Azula’s own insecurities and fears of losing power because, like Zuko once did, she only considers herself to be worth anything so long as she’s better than him. The abuse he endured had an effect on her to because so long as she saw that Ozai’s “love” for Zuko was conditional, that meant that his “love” for her was conditional as well (”you can’t treat me like Zuko!”). Zuko and Azula could never support each other and they could never trust each other in the way that Sokka and Katara could. They wouldn’t sacrifice anything for each other because they were conditioned to survive, to leave behind the lesser sibling in order to get ahead. But at the Agni Kai, Zuko jumps in front of the lighting for Katara because unlike Azula, she has supported him since she forgave him and is there to back him up. She thinks he can be Firelord and she thought his uncle could forgive him in a way that Azula just never could. And that’s why Katara has to be the one to defeat Azula. Not because of any romantic attraction for Zuko, but because he’s protected Aang and Sokka and her and Toph and their little found family. It’s because he’s one of them. So in that moment where Azula is defeated, screaming and sobbing because she’s lost and that means that she’s the weaker sibling, she’s gone and it’s tragic. Zuko looks upon her and he wishes it didn’t have to be like this, but it is and it’s tragic. It didn’t have to be how it was but it did and it was awful and Azula is left broken, hating her brother with murderous fury. But he’s not alone.

He has a new sister who will protect him and fight for him when he’s lost his own. 

(addition: I want to make it clear that this does not mean I think Azula is irredeemable. Her actions and outlook are 100% a product of Ozai’s abuse, as I explained. I do not think that’s she’s beyond redemption, but by the finale she was still a villain and her goal was still to kill her brother so she could be Firelord. That’s not to say that she couldn’t have eventually healed and been able to reconcile with him, but by the final Agni Kai that’s not where their relationship was. The fact that she and Zuko had a toxic relationship was not her fault, but they still had a toxic relationship built on distrust and competition where Zuko and Katara’s friendship was built on support and protection. I am entirely sympathetic towards Azula, but just because she was redeemable doesn’t mean she was redeemed and just because there was potential for her and Zuko to eventually have a better relationship doesn’t mean that they did by the end of the series.) 

[guesst]

some of the best fantasy au fics for bnha that i've read

i decided to make a fic rec list of one of my favourite aus/fusions. mostly midoriya-centric, there are some crossovers (with hp), and a lot of different ways in which the authors have taken them - so it could be Quirks, ghosts, outright fantasy aus, spirits, witches etc etc. there isn't a specific order and there aren't a tonne (these are the ones i could find buried in my bookmarks lol), but the ones on the list are all really well written i love them.

i've tried adding relevant information, the summary (shortened if it's pretty long) and just. adding some random tags that may be important. not all of them though. obviously this is not a complete list and there will most definitely be more fics out there, if there are some really good fics that you know that aren't on this list, feel free to tell me, i'd love to read them!!!

i hope someone enjoys these!

Faith Becomes You by SugaSuga

oneshot | gen dfo, quirkless midoriya summary 'There's a tiny shrine in Musutafu that's overgrown with kudzu vines between Izuku's apartment and his middle-school. There may very well still be a god inside it. There may be nothing but the myth of a man from when Quirks were first emerging. Izuku hides in its walls for a while and ends up tending to the forgotten shrine. All good deeds have their impact, don't they?'

Of Mythos and Men by Oceanbreeze7

oneshot | gen spirit animal au, kinda summary (shortened) 'When he was young, Midoriya always wondered what his mythos would be. The matching half to his quirk, the ancestry of its power. Mythos were strange things, not linked genetically like quirks seemed to be. [...] Midoriya hadn't met his mythos. Even in UA. (In his dreams, something called to him, 'Chase me!')'

what a lion cannot manage by LadyLiterature

multichapter | ongoing | f/m, m/m kitsune au, female izuku, future bakudeku summary (shortened) 'She wants to be a hero. Wants to save everyone she meets and even the people she hasn’t. [...] A smart fox avoids fights. A smart fox does not seek them out. A smart fox does not fight for everyone. A smart fox, when they absolutely must, only fights for themselves and what is theirs and nothing else. Izumi, for all that she tries to be, is not a good fox.'

My Magic Academia by Kiterou

series | oneshots and multichapter | ongoing | gen HP crossover, wizard midoriya, platonic bkdk, some ocs summary (shortened) ' [...] In which Midoriya Inko is a witch and Izuku a wizard and even after 150 years of quirks taking over the world, Izuku still couldn't tell Kacchan that he isn't worthless and that he still could become a hero all on his own.'

A Lonely Windchime Makes No Sound by Musecookie

multichapter | ongoing | multi reader/shinso, total fantasy au, very wholesome summary (shortened) ' [...] You enjoy visiting your slightly creepy local library. When you accidentally befriend the elusive owner's familiar, he begins to appear more and more when you visit. You don't really mind, and he doesn't seem to hate you, even when the two of you become tied up in each other's fate as you pursue the secret to reviving a magical species of flower. Soft Strangers to Friends to Lovers type beat with lots of fluff and naps! Sleepy cuddles included.'

The grapes of friendship by Gentrychild

oneshot | gen crack, dfo, vampire izuku summary 'Izuku, a dhampir hiding his real identity as he goes to UA, the best wizard school in the country, spends the day with his friends. None of them are aware of it.'

Yesterday Upon the Stair by PitViperofDoom

multichapter | complete | gen less supernatural, izu's quirk lets him see ghosts, he still has ofa summary (shortened) 'Midoriya Izuku has always been written off as weird. As if it's not bad enough to be the quirkless weakling, he has to be the weird quirkless weakling on top of it. But truthfully, the "weird" part is the only part that's accurate. He's determined not to be a weakling, and in spite of what it says on paper, he's not actually quirkless [...] Not that anyone would believe it if he told them.'

sum of all (and by them driven) by Elemental

series | multichapter | ongoing | gen dadzawa, spirits give quirks, izu sees these spirits series summary 'Quirks aren't what you think they are.' first part summary (shortened) 'Midoriya Izuku is medically quirkless, not technically homeless, perpetually exhausted and doing his damned best despite it all. He also sees spirits, which might be cool if not for the fact that a) no one else does, b) they really don't like him very much, and c) he's pretty sure the heroes now think he's a villain working for the League [...]'

The Struggles of a Modern-Day Vampire by miraculousemily47

oneshot | gen crack, 1-a shenanigans, vampire midoriya summary 'After Midoriya Izuku is turned into a vampire towards the end of his first year at U.A., he decides he wants to tell his classmates about his condition. The only problem is that he can't physically say the words, and his classmates are fucking idiots.'

Lights in the Dark by FrostKitten

series | oneshots | ongoing | gen supernatural au, izuku can see demons etc, quirkless/magic au summary (of first part) 'Midoriya Izuku, like most young kids, knows there are monsters. They live in closets, under beds, and occasionally in the park. As he grows older, his friends stop seeing them...but he still does.'

Hand in Unlovable Hand by jumbletea

series | oneshots | ongoing | gen vampire midoriya (and aizawa), dadzawa, toga n dabi n mido being siblings summary 'A collection of stories surrounding a not-quite-human Izuku and everyone he meets along the way.'

Simply Superstitious by CryCaladrius

multichapter | ongoing | gen lots of folklore and yokai and stuff, 'quirkless' magic user izuku, decent dad hisashi too summary (shortened) 'Izuku Midoriya’s father is a Hou-ou — a Japanese phoenix. For some reason, this means yokai have a standing invitation to pester Izuku with their existence. Birds assemble choirs for his birthday. If there’s no cedar leaf under the welcome mat, the amazake babaa that lives two apartments over will be knocking on their door by evening. His yokai-purifying excursions get mistaken for vigilantism far too often. [...]'

Cuckoo Bird (anonymous author)

multichapter | ongoing/maybe discontinued | gen it may be discontinued but theres lots of fae folklore, deku is a changeling, deals etc, plus some platonic shindeku building up?? summary 'There's something off about Midoriya Izuku. (change·ling /ˈCHānjliNG/ noun a child believed to have been secretly substituted by fairies for the parents' real child in infancy.)'

tread softly as you go by IceEckos12

oneshot | gen if you read any fae au please let it be this! has faeries but mido is not one summary 'Humans used to be good at the old ways. They used to know how to bait the trap, to spin a web of words and lies that would ensnare even the most wily. Humans used to be able to twist deceptions around knots of iron and turn them into weapons of power. They forgot a long, long time ago. A boy unwittingly makes a deal with one of the fae, severing his ties to humanity. However, he finds that the fae world is far more strange and complex than he ever could have imagined.'

Hell is just a shoujo manga by supercrunch

multichapter | complete | f/m fantasy au, bakudeku, fem!izuku, isekai, dekusquad stuff, also some iidachako summary (shortened) 'Izuku wakes up crushed under a statue, trapped in the body of a princess who doesn't exist. Turns out she's a demon, which is weird. What's even weirder is the déjà vu that surrounds Kamino palace, reminding her of the events of this one manga she used to love. [...] But that's probably just a coincidence. [...] The problem here, obviously, is that Izuku's the demon princess. Ergo, she's a villain. And that means she's going to die at the end of this manga. Again.'

hold your breath as you cross by cassiopeia721

oneshot | gen dadzawa, another 'quirks are from spirits au' (expect more of those actually), mido is sad :( summary 'As the bridge between the world of guardian spirits and the quirk users who are blessed by them, Izuku's duty is to clean up the mess his predecessor left. It's taken what feels like an eternity worth of work, but Izuku's finally finished, and he's ready to rest at last. Unfortunately, the pro heroes who just watched him take down the Scourge of Kamino have no intention of letting him just wander off, and he finds himself stuck in an interrogation room with a bunch of humans who he's sure will never believe a word he says.'

To See with Eyes Unclouded by CrazySatan

series | oneshots | ongoing | gen witch au, witch midoriya, quirkless mido, bkg is not a good friend series summary 'Midoriya Izuku is a witch. A powerful witch. And even though he doesn't have a quirk, and magic doesn't Work Like That, Izuku ends up a hero. Somehow.'

Demons and Darkness by wolfsrainrules

series | oneshots | ongoing | gen dadzawa, shinso and mido and bkg are becoming friends, they can see monsters/spirits/bad things summary of first part 'Izuku has believed in the things that go bump in the night since he was small. That means he can see them, and almost everyone he knows....can't. So he decides he's going to be the shield humanity needs, no matter what. Eventually, he finds others that See too.'

know what i've made by the marks on my hands by simkjrs

multichapter | ongoing/maybe discontinued | gen dadzawa, quirk spirit au (this inspired most of the others on this list), also eri summary (shortened) 'Midoriya Izuku just wants to lead a quiet, peaceful life. This is foiled by the fact that a) he can see spirits, b) his good nature demands that he help anyone he sees in trouble, and c) he, by all rights, should not exist. [...]'

Izuku haunts class 1-A by Artistic-Gamer

series or multichapter whichever floats your boat | incomplete (hiatus) | other there are some triggering themes! such as suicide, blood, body disfigurement! please take care of yourself and avoid reading if this will hurt you! in other news: so much dadzawa, so much friendship, hurt mido summary (of first part) 'Class 1-A is rumored to be haunted, only the residents are aware it’s more than just a rumor..'

U.A's Resident Ghost by BeyondTheClouds777

multichapter | ongoing/maybe discontinued | gen ghost midoriya, dadzawa, friendships!!!! summary 'There is a ghost at U.A. Not haunting U.A. Not even hanging out at U.A. There is a ghost. Enrolled. As a student of U.A. And it's just Shouta's luck that he has everything to do with it.'

and now, the weather by xylophones

oneshot | gen CRACK, paranormal/ghost hunters au, dekusquad stuff summary 'Izuku runs a fictional horror radio show. Because ghosts aren’t real. Right? (“Holy shit, ghosts are real,” Izuku whispers. Then, with the smugness of a sixteen-year-old who just won a decade long bet, “I knew it! Kacchan owes me five hundred yen!” “Midoriya,” Todoroki sighs, “this ghost is trying to kill us.”)'

U.A Unsolved by handcrusher(ameliafromafairytale)

oneshot | gen (it's a fic of a fic, so if you've read yesterday upon the stair then you'll understand better) izuku can see ghosts thats his quirk summary ' "Hey there, ghosts," Midoriya says, "it's me, ya boy." The dorms are haunted. Shenanigans ensue.'

The Haunting of Class 1-A by BritishRobutt

multichapter | ongoing/maybe discontinued | n/a ghost midoriya, vigilante au, crack, the ghost bit is izu's quirk summary 'Everyone always told Izuku he couldn't be a hero, so when he dies and discovers his quirk, he becomes a vigilante out of spite. Whoops. After becoming Spectre, Japan's most wanted vigilante, Izuku realizes he can just fulfill his dreams of going to the top heroic school- after all, who can physically stop him from attending UA when he's a literal ghost?'

Caged by SternStunde

oneshot | gen tododeku, fantasy au (todo is a dragon, mido is a princess), genderbent deku (fem deku) summary 'Then she held up one of the books and smiled. "Want to learn an ancient language with me?" She was kind of a nerd, and she really hoped the dragon was too.'

Magic Runs Deep by draconicschinx

multichapter | ongoing/probably discontinued | gen mido has a quirk and he can see mythical creatures. summary '"Midoriya Izuku has always been good at making friends. Not human ones, really, but they are good friends nonetheless. " Izuku can see and talk to and interact with mythical creatures. It's not exactly the quirk he was hoping for, but he's going to use it to help humans and his non-human friends all the same.'

[me4ml]

Why don't you like Maribat? Why do you think it's a spite or salt ship?

This is presumably because of my Adrigaminette post or the whole Maribat being on the ship list thing.

Quick disclaimer: if you read/ship/write/like Maribat, cool! This is not an attack. This is me answering why I, personally, do not like it. It’s tagged anti, and salt, so it should be filtered. Please don’t harass me over it.

Another note before we start: a lot of what I’m about to write is based on what I’ve read, fic wise or meta, and I blocked off the Maribat tag and fandom a long time ago. It may have changed over there-I doubt it, and I have zero desire to go and look-but this is based on what I’ve seen and read about.

There are, principally, three reasons I can’t stand Maribat, why I think it’s a spite/salt ship.

1). I don’t like Damian Wayne.

2). I don’t like how Damian and the DCU are written in Maribat.

3). Maribat is a mutated salt fic.

If you want to see my reasons why, the rest is under the read more.

1). I don’t like Damian Wayne.

Damian’s not just my least favorite Robin, ranking behind any of the others who have born the name. He’s my least favorite Batfam sidekick overall.

Part of this is his introduction, where he’s a violent, murderous, arrogant, entitled, snotty little brat of a thug. Lest we forget, one of his first acts is to go out, kill a guy, cut off his head, stuff a grenade into the decapitated head’s mouth, and try to blow up Tim. This is his introduction! There are a number of other occasions, including how he treats Jon, his best friend, and the rest of his siblings.

Another part is that he believes that he deserves to be Robin simply because he’s Bruce’s son, and therefore has the blood right to be Robin, to become Batman, and damn anyone else, who are all pretenders. Doesn’t matter that those characters might have a right to become Robin, or the future Batman, he’s the bio son, he deserves it!

Additionally, Damian feels.....not unnecessary, but repetitive, in his actions/characterization. There are other characters who can perform pretty much the same way for whatever storyline is necessary, without including Damian.

Trained by an abusive family to be the best, as an assassin and warrior? Cassandra.

A killer who breaks the main rule of his mentor, which causes tension and strain in the family? Jason.

Incredibly intelligent and talented? Tim.

Damian isn’t unique in what he does, and while that can make him an interesting character, it can also make the focus on him unnecessary.

As well, so much of Damian’s actions and motivations feels like he gets away with stuff, in-universe, because he’s Bruce’s biological son, and so Bruce gives him too much slack, and out-universe, because the writers let him/the fans will defend him. He gets woobified, or leather pantsed. Which leads to:

2). I don’t like how Damian and the DCU are written for Maribat.

For all his (numerous) faults, when written well, Damian can be an interesting character. For example: How does he deal with being deeply insecure? By putting on a mask of arrogance and overconfidence.

Some more examples: How does Damian act like an actual child, when he’s never had a childhood? How can he be a hero, if he’s been trained to be a killer? Can he ever catch up to his siblings, or will he feel like they’re always better than him?

Damian’s sense of being Batman’s son, of being the heir to the Cowl, slams right up against the idea of the Batfam: that there are people who have just as much of a right to call Batman their father/father figure, people who are just as talented and skilled and capable as Damian himself is, if not more. Watching Damian develop, when he’s written right, is actually enjoyable; mainly because when it’s done right, it shows Damian actually progressing and growing, becoming more of a person, with friends and interests. Most times, seeing Damian with his pets can be adorable, same with when he hangs out with Jon.

Is he still a brat? Still sometimes a bit too much of a Demon, an al-Ghul? Yes, but that’s always going to be part of him, and as long as he’s shown to try and grow, or gets called out on that, it’s less of an issue (There’s a completely different rant to be written about how DC likes to chuck character development or backstory into the trash when it suits them for a new run. Damian gets hit with this, as does Tim, or they get handed the idiot/conflict ball, but not the space for it).

Maribat hurls this all out the window. Damian’s bad traits are all “fixed” offscreen-he’s developed, matured, gotten better, whatever you want to call it. It’s basically a writer’s hand wave to make Damian into the character who will be the lead of the story, perfectly suited for his main role of being Marinette’s boyfriend and utterly devoted to her every whim and will. He’s enchanted by her at first glimpse, and defends her against everyone who hates her, because no one can understand her like he can!

Uh, what? This is not Damian Wayne. Even at his best, he’s no broody boy, pulled from his “dark path” by the love of a gentle girl. He’s a Jerk with a Heart of Gold-emphasis on the Jerk. There’s a reason his nickname usually involves “Demon.” Is Damian trying to get better? Yes. But even then, he’s not the type to immediately fall in love. He takes a while to warm up to people, for them to earn his trust, and Marinette would not be like that?

Let’s say that Robin is in Paris for a case, he runs into Ladybug and Chat, and after they explains what’s going on, Robin gives them a stare over his mask, and goes “TT! What a worthless hero, I would have caught him already.” LB and Chat would probably want to deck him, and that’s before he keeps talking.

Same with if Damian transfers to the class, or they meet on a field trip to Gotham. Damian’s not gonna care about some random French teenagers on a tour, or if he was transferred he’s gonna be trying to figure out why his father sent him to Paris, and be focused on the mission, not making friends.

Of all of the Robins, the ones that would be the most likely to capture Marinette’s interest would be Dick or Tim, not Damian. He would remind her too much of Chloe, as Damian, and as Robin, he would be dismissive of Ladybug’s abilities, which would absolutely piss her, and Chat Noir, off.

In characters that aren’t Damian, no one seems to be written properly over in Maribatland. One huge example is that Marinette is so beloved, so pure, that she can make any character fall in love with her, and reform by her pure goodness, including a fic where the Joker-THE JOKER!-becomes her “Uncle J,” and pranks Lila on her behalf.

Uh-huh. Sure. Completely and totally something that one of the biggest, most sadistic twisted, notorious villains in pop culture would do. Maribat winds up worshipping the ground that Marinette walks on, cause she’s “Teh best evar!”

Which then leads to my third and final point:

3). The whole Maribat concept is a mutated salt fic.

Most of the themes you’ll find in Maribat? You will find in nearly every salt fic.

Maybe my biggest issue with the whole Maribat idea is that it doesn’t feel like a proper crossover, which, at their best, explore how characters from one universe and their rules would interact with characters from another universe, and the rules of that one. Putting ML and DC together is a rich opportunity to play with concepts in both worlds!

And yet, it’s mainly used to bash ML characters who the writers despise, predominantly Adrien, Alya, and Lila, with members of the class thrown in depending on feeling, and potentially even Marinette’s parents! The only “good” ML characters are the ones who are on Marinette’s side, usually Luka, Kagami, a Chloe who for some reason has been redeemed and is now Marinette’s best friend, and whatever members of the class the writer decides to throw in there.

You’ll notice it’s not called “MiracuBat”, or LadyBat and Bat Noir-it’s MariBat. It’s meant as a focus on Marinette, making her-the hero of the Miraculous Ladybug franchise, someone in-story in story who is incredibly smart and talented and the leader of her team, future Guardian-even more awesome.....by beating down everyone else around her.

Marinette is simultaneously treated as an beaten-up, beaten-down walked-on carpet, and the best person to ever exist ever, go who only needs a group of new, different, better people to recognize that and save her from the clutches of those greedy and ungrateful assholes! That doesn’t include the fics where she’s the unknown child of a superhero or supervillain, making her even more special.

It’s Chameleon salt, class salt, with pointy ears and a cape on.

Some specific examples.

Adrien: Adrien is a spineless doormat who prioritizes Lila over Marinette, or an entitled bastard sexual harasser, only fixated on Ladybug, or even both. Sometimes it’ll get worse, as Adrien will threaten or abandon Marinette if she steps off of his “high road,” and Chat will be a budding rapist, stalking or capturing Marinette after he’s learned she’s Ladybug, while ignoring her prior to that. He will, of course, have his ring stripped and handed off to Damian, who is the “true” soul of Destruction and so therefore a “perfect match” to Marinette’s Creation soul. Occasionally it will be Jason, or Tim, or Dick, but the key thing is that it’s not Adrien!

While Damian’s issues are magically fixed, Adrien gets no such courtesy. Adrien has been abused, just like Damian, and while Damian’s abuse is more extensive and extreme, abuse is abuse. If anything, if Damian met Adrien, he would probably see another abused kid, and want to be his friend/have his “adopt stray person!” Instincts go off. I can much more imagine Damian dragging a bewildered Adrien into the Batcave and yelling “Father I’ve found another one for you to adopt!” than I can Damian immediately hating Adrien, or Chat, simply for breathing.

We never see Clark taking Adrien under his wing, or Bruce, or any of the other Batfam; nor any of the other Justice Leaguers. We never see Selina try to fight Bruce over the kid, because he’s cat-themed, and Selina can train him, this one’s hers Bat, get off!

Adrien’s never treated as a kid, or given actual development. A major complaint among salters is that Adrien is treated as perfect and never develops, and in fic, rather than developing him, Adrien either remains static, with his flaws narratively exploded, or is developed negatively. He’s there to be beaten up on and punished by the writers, if not actually physically beaten up by characters in the fic.

Alya: the not-so-good friend, the cheap excuse for a journalist, the awful person who abandons Marinette for Lila and her “connections.” Never mind that Alya was Marinette’s friend from the beginning, or that Marinette’s chosen her multiple times for a Miraculous. One instance of questioning Marinette about Lila, and Alya’s a backstabbing bitch.

Maribat treats Alya as neglectful, bossy, domineering and submissive at the same time to Marinette and Lila respectively, and as a journalist, the worst of the worst. She’s played as a two-bit paparazzo, and once again, the DCU is used to punish her. We don’t see Alya get mentored by Lois or Clark-indeed, if they notice her, it’s with disdain or disappointment. Often, they’re crushing her under their heel, calling her not only a bad journalist, but a bad friend/person. This forgetting, of course, that Alya runs her blog as a hobby so far, she’s only a teenager, and that she’s had Marinette’s back against Chloe and Lila.

The Class: the dupes or allies as needed. Class salt levels depend on what the writer needs. If they’re pro-class, they’re all on Marinette’s side, aside from Alya Adrien and Lila. Chloe, for some ungodly reason, is “redeemed” nigh instantaneously, and often will become Marinette’s best friend, if that isn’t Kagami already. Kagami will drop Adrien like a wet tissue, never trying to reconcile him with the clas, or encourage him to stand up for himself, or if she does, Adrien, of course, will not listen.

If the writer is anti-class, whoo boy. Openly mentally, emotionally, physically abusive to Marinette, the worst gang of people you would ever have the displeasure of meeting, they all need to be in Arkham.

We never see any of the class make friends with the Batfam, the Titans, Young Justice-unless they’re on Marinette’s side, of course. There’s no Alix stopping Selina at the Louvre, for instance, or Max hanging out with Babs. It’s all based on how Marinette is treated as to whether or not the class is portrayed as being worse than the worst of the Rogues Gallery.

Wrapping it all up, Maribat has made me dislike the entire concept of a DC/ML crossover.

Even if someone had written an non-salt, in-character crossover, I don’t know if I would read it, simply because the well has been that poisoned.

[whitehotharlots]

The point is control

Whenever we think or talk about censorship, we usually conceptualize it as certain types of speech being somehow disallowed: maybe (rarely) it's made formally illegal by the government, maybe it's banned in certain venues, maybe the FCC will fine you if you broadcast it, maybe your boss will fire you if she learns of it, maybe your friends will stop talking to you if they see what you've written, etc. etc. 

This understanding engenders a lot of mostly worthless discussion precisely because it's so broad. Pedants--usually arguing in favor of banning a certain work or idea--will often argue that speech protections only apply to direct, government bans. These bans, when they exist, are fairly narrow and apply only to those rare speech acts in which other people are put in danger by speech (yelling the N-word in a crowded theater, for example). This pedantry isn't correct even within its own terms, however, because plenty of people get in trouble for making threats. The FBI has an entire entrapment program dedicated to getting mentally ill muslims and rednecks to post stuff like "Death 2 the Super bowl!!" on twitter, arresting them, and the doing a press conference about how they heroically saved the world from terrorism. 

Another, more recent pedant's trend is claiming that, actually, you do have freedom of speech; you just don't have freedom from the consequences of speech. This logic is eerily dictatorial and ignores the entire purpose of speech protections. Like, even in the history's most repressive regimes, people still technically had freedom of speech but not from consequences. Those leftist kids who the nazis beheaded for speaking out against the war were, by this logic, merely being held accountable. 

The two conceptualizations of censorship I described above are, 99% of the time, deployed by people who are arguing in favor of a certain act of censorship but trying to exempt themselves from the moral implications of doing so. Censorship is rad when they get to do it, but they realize such a solipsism seems kinda icky so they need to explain how, actually, they're not censoring anybody, what they're doing is an act of righteous silencing that's a totally different matter. Maybe they associate censorship with groups they don't like, such as nazis or religious zealots. Maybe they have a vague dedication toward Enlightenment principles and don't want to be regarded as incurious dullards. Most typically, they're just afraid of the axe slicing both ways, and they want to make sure that the precedent they're establishing for others will not be applied to themselves.

Anyone who engages with this honestly for more than a few minutes will realize that censorship is much more complicated, especially in regards to its informal and social dimensions. We can all agree that society simply would not function if everyone said whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. You might think your boss is a moron or your wife's dress doesn't look flattering, but you realize that such tidbits are probably best kept to yourself. 

Again, this is a two-way proposition that everyone is seeking to balance. Do you really want people to verbalize every time they dislike or disagree with you? I sure as hell don't. And so, as part of a social compact, we learn to self-censor. Sometimes this is to the detriment of ourselves and our communities. Most often, however, it's just a price we have to pay in order to keep things from collapsing. 

But as systems, large and small, grow increasingly more insane and untenable, so do the comportment standards of speech. The disconnect between America's reality and the image Americans have of themselves has never been more plainly obvious, and so striving for situational equanimity is no longer good enough. We can't just pretend cops aren't racist and the economy isn't run by venal retards or that the government places any value on the life of its citizens. There's too much evidence that contradicts all that, and the evidence is too omnipresent. There's too many damn internet videos, and only so many of them can be cast as Russian disinformation. So, sadly, we must abandon our old ways of communicating and embrace instead systems that are even more unstable, repressive, and insane than the ones that were previously in place.

Until very, very recently, nuance and big-picture, balanced thinking were considered signs of seriousness, if not intelligence. Such considerations were always exploited by shitheads to obfuscate things that otherwise would have seemed much less ambiguous, yes, but this fact alone does not mitigate the potential value of such an approach to understanding the world--especially since the stuff that's been offered up to replace it is, by every worthwhile metric, even worse.

So let's not pretend I'm Malcolm Gladwell or some similarly slimy asshole seeking to "both sides" a clearcut moral issue. Let's pretend I am me. Flash back to about a year ago, when there was real, widespread, and sustained support for police reform. Remember that? Seems like forever ago, man, but it was just last year... anyhow, now, remember what happened? Direct, issues-focused attempts to reform policing were knocked down. Blotted out. Instead, we were told two things: 1) we had to repeat the slogan ABOLISH THE POLICE, and 2) we had to say it was actually very good and beautiful and nonviolent and valid when rioters burned down poor neighborhoods.

Now, in a relatively healthy discourse, it might have been possible for someone to say something like "while I agree that American policing is heavily violent and racist and requires substantial reforms, I worry that taking such an absolutist point of demanding abolition and cheering on the destruction of city blocks will be a political non-starter." This statement would have been, in retrospect, 100000000% correct. But could you have said it, in any worthwhile manner? If you had said something along those lines, what would the fallout had been? Would you have lost friends? Your job? Would you have suffered something more minor, like getting yelled at, told your opinion did not matter? Would your acquaintances still now--a year later, after their political project has failed beyond all dispute--would they still defame you in "whisper networks," never quite articulating your verbal sins but nonetheless informing others that you are a dangerous and bad person because one time you tried to tell them how utterly fucking self-destructive they were being? It is undeniably clear that last year's most-elevated voices were demanding not reform but catharsis. I hope they really had fun watching those immigrant-owned bodegas burn down, because that’s it, that will forever be remembered as the most palpable and consequential aspect of their shitty, selfish movement. We ain't reforming shit. Instead, we gave everyone who's already in power a blank check to fortify that power to a degree you and I cannot fully fathom.

But, oh, these people knew what they were doing. They were good little boys and girls. They have been rewarded with near-total control of the national discourse, and they are all either too guilt-ridden or too stupid to realize how badly they played into the hands of the structures they were supposedly trying to upend.

And so left-liberalism is now controlled by people whose worldview is equal parts superficial and incoherent. This was the only possible outcome that would have let the system continue to sustain itself in light of such immense evidence of its unsustainability without resulting in reform, so that's what has happened.

But... okay, let's take a step back. Let's focus on what I wanted to talk about when I started this.

I came across a post today from a young man who claimed that his high school English department head had been removed from his position and had his tenure revoked for refusing to remove three books from classrooms. This was, of course, fallout from the ongoing debate about Critical Race Theory. Two of those books were Marjane Satropi's Persepolis and, oh boy, The Diary of Anne Frank. Fuck. Jesus christ, fuck.

Now, here's the thing... When Persepolis was named, I assumed the bannors were anti-CRT. The graphic novel does not deal with racism all that much, at least not as its discussed contemporarily, but it centers an Iranian girl protagonist and maybe that upset Republican types. But Anne Frank? I'm sorry, but the most likely censors there are liberal identiarians who believe that teaching her diary amounts to centering the suffering of a white woman instead of talking about the One Real Racism, which must always be understood in an American context. The super woke cult group Black Hammer made waves recently with their #FuckAnneFrank campaign... you'd be hard pressed to find anyone associated with the GOP taking a firm stance against the diary since, oh, about 1975 or so.

So which side was it? That doesn't matter. What matters is, I cannot find out.

Now, pro-CRT people always accuse anti-CRT people of not knowing what CRT is, and then after making such accusations they always define CRT in a way that absolutely is not what CRT is. Pro-CRTers default to "they don't want  students to read about slavery or racism." This is absolutely not true, and absolutely not what actual CRT concerns itself with. Slavery and racism have been mainstays of American history curriucla since before I was born. Even people who barely paid attention in school would admit this, if there were any more desire for honesty in our discourse. 

My high school history teacher was a southern "lost causer" who took the south's side in the Civil War but nonetheless provided us with the most descriptive and unapologetic understandings of slavery's brutalities I had heard up until that point. He also unambiguously referred to the nuclear attacks on Hiroshmia and Nagasaki as "genocidal." Why? Because most people's politics are idiosyncratic, and because you cannot genuinely infer a person to believe one thing based on their opinion of another, tangentially related thing. The totality of human understanding used to be something open-minded people prided themselves on being aware of, believe it or not...

This is the problem with CRT. This is is the motivation behind the majority of people who wish to ban it. It’s not because they are necessarily racist themselves. It’s because they recognize, correctly, that the now-ascendant frames for understanding social issues boils everything down to a superficial patina that denies not only the realities of the systems they seek to upend but the very humanity of the people who exist within them. There is no humanity without depth and nuance and complexities and contradictions. When you argue otherwise, people will get mad and fight back. 

And this is the most bitter irony of this idiotic debate: it was never about not wanting to teach the sinful or embarrassing parts of our history. That was a different debate, one that was settled and won long ago. It is instead an immense, embarrassing overreach on behalf of people who have bullied their way to complete dominance of their spheres of influence within media and academe assuming they could do the same to everyone else. Some of its purveyors may have convinced themselves that getting students to admit complicity in privilege will prevent police shootings, sure. But I know these people. I’ve spoken to them at length. I’ve read their work. The vast, vast majority of them aren’t that stupid. The point is to exert control. The point is to make sure they stay in charge and that nothing changes. The point is failure. 

[chaosprince-apollo]

I find it poetic that in some ways Iroh's greatest defeat is ultimately his greatest triumph.

Like I'm not talking directly obviously. We know he was considered to be a great general and after his defeat he was ridiculed and broken because of the death of his son, he had no real place in his own nation due to his failure and outside of his nation he is a war criminal which he is undeniably aware of and he regrets because he knows he wasn't the good guy and his son died in vain. He may act like a buffoon at times but we know and the people in the avatar kingdoms know he is extremely capable and an expert stratergiest (a testament to this fact is people are wary of him and he STILL manages the convince them he's harmless even when the KNOW he's a dangerous man.)

Now to get to my point about why it becomes a triumph. Simple. It's his big turning point or his first big turning point. This failure and subsequent ridicule breaks him away from the expectation of being a great general. Breaks him away from being a model of what a fire nation soldier should be. Iroh is shown to always be a caring father and I truly believe he knew he was doing wrong but that he also loved his nation and the firelord (his brother) and wanted to bring glory/honour not just for himself but for his son. Failing at Ba Sing Se was a blow sure but if he'd succeeded a) more people than had already died would have and being enslaved by the fire nation. b) he'd have never become the man who became one of the cities protectors c) he'd possibly not have been the one to be with Zuko during exile and d) certainly wouldn't have been someone helping protect the Avatar.

Now I say this is one of his turning points because it's also extremely obvious his relationship with Zuko is his other important factor as to WHY Iroh is such a nuanced and well fleshed out character. There's no way Iroh WOULDN'T love Zuko, but his failure and death of his son drives Iroh not only to adopt Zuko as his own but also to understand that Zuko's mission is wrong and is the road to ruin.

Iroh has first hand knowledge what being on the wrong side gets you. He's also one of the only people around Zuko that acknowledges he is literally a 13 year old child (when exiled, 16 during the show) the gaang also make acknowledgement of this but considering they themselves are like 12-15 approximately this acknowledgement doesn't have the same impact as GROWN ASS ADULTS thinking it's okay for the firelord (a powerful force) to fight agni kai against a 13 year old and then exile him for having....an opinion? Like honestly do these people actually know what the agni kai was about and just accept that or are they told Zuko did something terrible...which like even so pretty poor form here y'all (anyway I digress clearly from my point but I have FEELINGS and probably there are other people with in the fire nation that have enough empathy and critical thinking to know that what happened to Zuko was wrong but my point remains) Uncle Iroh is one of if not the only ADULT character that seems to actually be shown as thinking Zuko is a child with feelings instead of that he's dishonoured his family or that he's evil.

(Side note, I know he calls Azula crazy but I also don't think he thinks she's actually evil either but he has no way to help her and even if he tried there's no way in her current mind set she'd ever listen. She wants to be strong and powerful and whilst she's incredibly smart she can't tell she's being manipulated because she's only ever gotten by on manipulation herself and being rewarded for that so it's difficult for her to see her father doing it to her. It's really enforced into her that her brother is weak and worthless because he doesn't have it in him to be like her. In her mind Iroh isn't just a failure as a soldier, he's a failure because he stood by Zuko. Why would she listen to someone so weak and stupid.)

So in conclusion after several tangents. Iroh's failure to take Ba Sing Se ultimately leads to his role in it's liberation and the defeat of the fire nation under firelord Ozai. His defeat helps put him on the side of the people and the avatar and gives him chances to make amends for his true failures (besieging the city in the first place leading to deaths including his own son and the failure to bring a stop to his younger brother's ambition and cruelty)

Another tangent fuck sorry, it's being a little while since I've watched and I'm thinking of things as I type and I am totally aware I might be missing stuff or misremembering things or that maybe I just have a different interpretation of certain events or characterisations. ANYWAY Iroh as the older brother was the one in line for the throne and Ozai tried to convince Azulon that Iroh was weak using Ba Sing Se as the reason (Azulon's reaction to this is entirely unfair, and it's hard to feel empathy for his fate at the time of his death even if, like other people of fire nation royalty, he has potential not to be a FUCKING COLOSSAL WANKER.) [Also a pause here to say there's a solid 11 to 12 hours between my thoughts here cause my friend called for me to pick her up from somewhere cause she finished waaaaay earlier than we were expecting so coherency who knows her lol]

I think the point I was making essentially comes down to Iroh's defeat leads Ozai to confront/try to reason with Azulon that Ozai would make a better firelord than Iroh (whether Ozai was wrong or right is a matter of perception ultimately) Azulon didn't like this and demanded Ozai kill Zuko, which I actually don't remember clearly but I looked at the wiki to jog my memory and it says that's what happened. Which was my point earlier about being a wanker, and sure maybe it was actually going to be some kind of test a la abraham and isaac etc but of course he got murked and also like firelords tend to have this follow through of becoming batshit at some point. Or at least the last few the precede our boy Zuko certainly have questionable levels of empathy for anyone outside of their immediate family and even then ... anyway who remembers Zuko's scar? Anyone, anyone at all. Yeah....

So Iroh defeat = Ozai trying to usurp the throne = Azulon's piece of shit death to Zuko demand = Azulon gets murdered, sorry assassinated = Ozai usurping the throne anyway (although I'm not sure Iroh really fought him on that at all? Someone please clarify) = Ozai being firelord when Zuko spoke up = the whole agni kai business = Zuko having his face burnt by his own father and told he's weak and is given a frankly impossible task = Iroh watching on and feeling shame, disgust, guilt, and honestly I ultimately think he felt fear for Zuko and fear of having to acknowledge more than ever before that his younger brother and even the nation he loves are on the wrong path and that power isn't worth the amount of pain and suffering caused, like I'm sure previous to this he knew, he had to have known because we know how incredibly intelligent Iroh is, and we also know he is part of white lotus (which again someone might have to tell me a timeline on that because the white lotus thing seems to have being going on a while so was he white lotus during the ba sing se seige? The first one I mean? OH THOUGHTS BUT I'LL COME BACK = Iroh and Zuko's pirate adventures uh, I mean Zuko tries to capture the avatar and Iroh drinks tea = Iroh having to watch Zuko struggle at an impossible task to regain honour he never actually lost = Iroh being a scheming old man to achieve the goal of giving Zuko a loving father = Iroh going on the journey with Zuko to befriend the gaang = Iroh participating with other white lotus members to liberate ba sing se = leading to help the downfall of an oppressive regime = Zuko taking the throne in a state of empathy and acceptance.

Like let's be real. Even though Iroh probably would have made a formidable firelord he possibly wouldn't have become the Iroh we know even though that man would have been in there and whilst he'd have remained a role model to Zuko it may not have had the same impact as the journey they DO share.

Okay I know I had more thoughts regarding white lotus things but this is so long and it's midnight and exactly 0 people will read this

Anyway I love Iroh thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

(Any mistakes are because my brain just dumped a bunch of thoughts and proofread absolutely nothing)

[btsslowburnfic]

The Arrangement Chapter 11

Series Summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi.

Chapter Summary: You and Yoongi each share a little of your fucked up pasts

Previous chapter here

----------

The two of you entered the studio. Yoongi headed for the desk chair. "You can take the couch." 

You gave him a bottle of water and pulled the gimbap out of your purse, handing one to him. 

"Thanks. Now do you see why I don't go to those meetings?" He began to tear the wrapping off the gimbap.

"Yep. That was brutal. They literally just read off of the PowerPoint slides." You took a bite of your food. 

Yoongi scrolled through his phone. "We should go shopping tonight. The stores will be packed tomorrow and Sunday." 

"I don't mind. I can just go tomorrow or something." 

He looked over at you. "I don't do crowds. Let's go tonight."

You sighed, it was clear you weren't winning this argument. "Sounds good. What time will you get done with work today?" You asked, glad some of the negativity was fading from him. 

"I need to do some producing. But I'll try to take a break at 7 and then we can go shopping." 

You almost died a little at how normal and domestic this all sounded. A small part of you wanted your life to be so different from the fucked up life you had experienced as a child. This could be your life. This could be it. It's fake. I don't care. 

"OK sounds good." you finished up your sandwich. "I'm off to continue answering questions that people could easily look up online." 

"Better you than me," he said. 

You stuck your hand out for the sandwich wrapper and sighed.  "Yep. It’s definitely not  work befitting Min Suga genius." You teased as you exited the studio. 

Yoongi smiled and turned around to face his computer. What the fuck was happening? Two days in and he had already bought you towels and was getting ready to go grocery shopping with you. Might as well skip to the wedding at this point, he thought jokingly. At least then someone else would have bought the towels for you. 

---------------

Yoongi picked at his cuticles, his alarm was set to go off in a few minutes. He had done some mixing, but for the most part he ended up writing. He had been very inspired lately for lyrics. Usually it was the beats that came more easily to him and he had to seek out experiences for his lyrics. But lately he had so many feelings and experiences just itching to come out. 

He was worried after that night at the bar that you would distract him from his job but so far he had found the opposite to be true. He was thinking about you less because he knew you were in the office or the apartment. He wasn’t wondering what you were doing all the time. Not that he cared.  Not that he had thought about you all the time. And it was nice to have someone answer emails and calls, and deliver coffee. 

He turned his alarm off preemptively and stood up. He exited the studio. There was no one left on the 14th floor. That wasn’t unusual. He stopped by your desk. It was totally empty. He frowned. How could a person the same age as him have only 2 bags of belongings he wondered. He took out his phone.

YG: What’s going on with Ms. [YLN] work laptop? I see it hasn’t arrived yet. She needs it immediately to help coordinate my collaborations. Additionally, she needs appropriate stationary.

JW: Of course Mr. Min. I will follow up with the IT department immediately and let you know. As for the office supplies I can provide her with some basic stationary immediately. If you require personalized stationary the lead time on orders is 2 weeks. I can send a link to have you/her look over it.

YG: Thank you Jiwoo. Please do that.

Satisfied with himself, he put his phone back in his pocket and headed over to the elevator. He got in. A girl he recognized as Alice, Jin’s main stylist was already on. She had a make-up train case with her and seemed irritated. He gave her a nod of acknowledgement and noticed the button for the 18th floor was already pushed. 

They both awkwardly stood in silence for the short ride. 

The elevator arrived at the 18th floor. Yoongi gestured to her to exit first. She did and headed down the other way towards Jin’s apartment. He must have some event tonight Yoongi thought as he went the other direction to his apartment. He walked in, just realizing he hadn’t been home since yesterday morning. He sighed. It wasn’t unusual for him to spend days at a time in the studio. The first thing he noticed was that his apartment smelled like coffee and girl. It wasn’t a bad thing. It was just different.

He continued into the living room and looked around. There was a light on in the kitchen and a half-empty pot of coffee.  He could see a light peeking out from under your bedroom door. He took out his phone.

YG: I’m home. I’m going to grab a shower first and then we can go. You don’t have to stay holed up in the bedroom.

He walked upstairs, put his phone on the charger, and showered.

You woke up from your nap right at 6:58. Yoongi hadn’t struck you as the type to ever get home from work early so you hadn’t worried about being ready right at 7. You checked your messages and saw where he had texted you as well as Jimin. You pulled on some jeans and a sweatshirt and headed out to the living room. 

JM: 2 pm. Meet me in the lobby of the 6th floor. Bring a tank top and leggings so you can try on clothes over them. Also I HATE YOU WE WERE THERE UNTIL 5 OMFG 

YN: Sorry sorry XD I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks again!

Yoongi emerged a few minutes later wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt and looking like a damn snack. “Hey.” He walked over to the kitchen and opened the cabinets to check the ingredients. He looked back over his shoulder, “Seriously, I meant what I texted, Make yourself at home. I'm never here anyways." 

You moved over to the barstool. "Thanks. I'm just so used to sharing small spaces with lots of people I don't really take up a lot of space. The coffee is fresh by the way. I had a cup before napping just now." 

Yoongi didn't really respond, opening up the refrigerator. The two of you were surprised to suddenly hear yelling and screaming in the hallway. 

"What the hell? "Yoongi asked, shutting the fridge and walking over to the front door. “Not again," he muttered under his breath. It sounded like a woman yelling. The blood in your veins ran ice cold, your tongue slowly turned to lead. You heard the front door open and felt dizzy. Suddenly you were in an apartment with Suho and there was screaming. You took a deep breath. No. No. That was years ago. You were in Seoul. You were safe. There were guards here and Yoongi was here. Yoongi? You shook your head, looking around. You started to panic again. 

The woman had stopped screaming. You heard the voices of two men and slowly staggered out towards the hallway. 

"What the fuck Jin?" you heard Yoongi yell. 

"I know. I know. She's just difficult."

"Your girlfriend is a fucking asshole." You heard a girl yell. You recognized her as Alice. She was pulling her make up case down the hallway and crying hard. 

"Alice I'm sorry. You know Lin is a little crazy. She didn't mean any of the stuff she said." Jin pleaded with her.

Alice was sobbing as she pushed the elevator button. "Tell yourself that, jin." 

You didn't want to stare. You felt wrong watching all of this happen but you were also numb at this point, almost experiencing it as though you were outside your body. 

Yoongi breathed in sharply. "Just go home Jin. But this is the second time this week. She needs some  anger management classes or something." Yoongi looked over and saw you standing there, peeking around the corner. 

"Enjoying the show?" He said irritated. 

You snapped back to reality and shook your head. You weren't nosy. You had been scared and didn't want to be in the apartment alone. Yoongi got on the elevator with Alice, leaving you and Jin in the hallway. 

" Goddammit," you heard Jin say as he walked back to his apartment. 

You stood there for a minute replaying everything that had just happened. You took a few deep breaths. Suho wasn't here. You were fine. Yoongi was fine. Apparently Jin had a crazy girlfriend. Alice was Jin's stylist. And Yoongi thought you were a nosey asshole. Great. 

You didn't feel like you could go back to the apartment right now so you decided to head out for a walk. 

-----------

"You don't have to come with me. You don't even know me." Alice sniffed. "I know how to ride an elevator." 

Yoongi shrugged. "Your name is Alice. You've been around for 3 years but became Jin's main stylist a year ago. You are hopelessly in love with him and his new girlfriend suspects. Tell me I'm wrong." 

Alice sniffled, her silence acting as confirmation.  Yoongi observed so much, quietly watching his coworkers over the years. “This is embarrassing.” She sniffled.

" You should file a complaint with the HR department. She can't just scream at staff members." 

"I'm just a stylist."

"Well I'll be filing a complaint. Her loud yelling is fucking annoying." Yoongi put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. 

Alice laughed a little at that. "Yeah. She's fucking mean. They've actually been dating on and off for years. She yells at Jin too and he always just takes it. That's why she screamed at me tonight. She called him a worthless idiot for like the 500th time and I finally just snapped and told her to shut up."

Yoongi pressed his lips together. He never would have imagined that Jin was being verbally abused. He suddenly felt bad he had been so short with him a few minutes ago. 

The elevator arrived at the 7th floor where several of the girl's dormitories were. "Rest up. She's a bitch." Yoongi said to Alice as she got ready to exit.

"Yeah, thanks. Sorry I've never really talked to you before."

Yoongi shrugged . "It's fine." He pushed the door close button and back to the 18th floor. He had been so surprised to see you standing there. He didn't think you'd be interested in gossip, you had seemed so mature. 

He walked back into the apartment. "Y/N I'm back. Are you ready to go to the store?" 

Silence. 

He sent a message to your phone and heard it ping from the countertop. 

Shit. 

--------------

Yoongi walked outside. It was a little cold out. He tried to tell himself he wasn't chasing after you or looking for you. He was just out stretching his legs. If he happened to run into you, fine. But if not, fine. He reasoned that without your phone or wallet, you had to be nearby. He had left a note for you in the apartment just in case you got back before he did.

Y/N,

Hey. Sorry for all the loud drama. Jin's gf sucks. Text me. You still owe me jjigae.

 He walked through one of the little parks that stood between the skyscrapers and the river. He figured he would do a short lap and then head back. He hated the cold, he thought again as he rubbed his hands together. 

"Yoongi?" he heard a voice. He looked over at the swingset and saw you sitting there. 

"Hey," he walked over. "You left."

"Sorry, I needed some fresh air."  You responded as you watched your breath form in the air.

Yoongi took a seat on the swing next to you. "Yeah. Sorry about that. Jin's girlfriend is apparently awful." 

"Yeah. Poor Alice. I met her the other day, she seemed so sweet."

“How do you already know so many people?” Yoongi wondered aloud. He had been there for years and barely knew anybody. 

You shrugged, “I guess bartending made me good at talking to people.” 

“How did you get into it?” 

“Bartending? Well I wanted a job where I could work nights so I could also have a day job. And the money was really good.”

“That's always your main job criteria?” Yoongi said flippantly.

Rude. “That's a little mean but yea. I'm the main adult who has to support my two siblings and I've had to since I was 20 years old. I had to drop out of college so there's not many options. I haven’t had the luxury of choosing jobs that I might actually be interested in.”  

Yoongi felt like such a shithead. “Sorry. That was a dick thing of me to say. You’re right,  it would be nice if you could have the ability to do a job because you like it. Not because of the money.” 

“It's OK. I'm just sensitive about it.” You looked off in the distance at the river.

“You should be proud. When I was 20 I wasn’t able to even support myself, let alone take care of anybody else.” 

You shrugged. “I’m sure you could have if you had to.”

“No. I’m telling you. When I was 20 I was on my own. And I was homeless because I couldn’t support myself. So the fact that you actually made it work while taking care of people is pretty amazing.”

“Thanks. And wow. I had no idea. That sucks. I’m glad you’re not homeless anymore.” You looked over at him. You never would have guessed. You just assumed he had always been well off. 

“Right? That would suck.” Yoongi agreed, glad you weren’t turning his trauma into a big deal. “Yeah, I got discovered by a talent scout and BigHit brought me to Seoul and set me up in one of the dorms here.”

“Wow. I got discovered by some rich asshole with dimples in a bar, who I thought was running a sex-trafficking ring.” You joked. Yoongi laughed, while gently swinging. 

"While we’re sharing our tragic backstories, that's actually one of the reasons I came out there." You began. You figured if Yoongi was willing to share some of his fucked-up ness you could do the same. "In the hallway. I didn't want to be alone. People yelling and screaming puts me on edge. I wasn’t trying to be nosy" you thought about how to best phrase what you wanted to say next. "I was raised in an environment where that happened a lot. Yelling. Screaming. And things got very violent, very quickly, in our house." 

Yoongi sat next to you on the swings listening intently to your confession. He never would have guessed that about you. You seemed so well-adjusted." I'm sorry that you grew up in a place like that." He said, carefully studying your face." And I'm sorry that Jin's girlfriend caused you to be uncomfortable. I had no idea or I wouldn't have said anything to you about being in the hallway" 

"it's OK. Well, I mean, it's not ok  what happened to me, but it's over now. Thanks." you looked over at him. He was blowing on his hands. "Are you cold?"

"Yes, it’s freezing out here" 

You scoffed, “It's a little cold. Here," you stood up and put your hands around his before he could object.

"How are you so hot?” He asked, enjoying the furnace of your hands. 

“You know I look in the mirror every day and ask myself the same question.” You replied with a straight face. Yoongi wrinkled his nose causing you to laugh. “Come on. I don’t want to get fired for letting you freeze to death.” You pulled on his hands to get him off the swing. “Do you still want to go shopping?”

“Yep. I have the list in my phone. Since we’re already out let’s walk to the real grocery store. The BigHit store has an ok amount of things, but not as much as an outside store.”

“Ok, I need to go back and grab my wallet.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But I--”

“You’ve seen my apartment. Don’t argue with me.” He started to walk back towards the city center. 

You sighed. Yes. He was super rich and you weren’t. “Fine. But I am doing this under protest.”

“Your protest is noted, come along, assistant. I’ll let you carry the bags.” NEXT CHAPTER

@lidda @anpanman-sonyeondan​  @firefairy1​  @cuteipat​  @sugaslittlekookies​  @janeelizabeth1216​ @deeepvibes​ @gxldenhunny​

[waezi2]

Re-reading Yu-Gi-Oh (part 1)

So... I bitch a lot about Yu-Gi-Oh. When I don’t complain about it online and accuse it of scamming kid me, I ridicule the story and the many holes in the game rules.

But I actually used to love this manga with a burning passion. I bought it because I was fixated with the cards, but instead I got traumatized. In an awesome way.

So I decided to re-read the manga about the possibly best known TCG game in the world and see how it started, how it evolved, and if the story still holds up.

So, I’m reading chapter 1, and we have to talk about the art.

The art style at the beginning was chunky and sometimes downright awkward. But it was still very enjoyable. The characters were very expressive and the tone of the style could swing quickly from wacky and rubberhose like to eerie and brooding depending on the situation. It makes you forgive odd-looking legs and hands that becomes massive. It is clear that it is someone’s first project.

So, this is Yugi. Possibly the cutest and meekest punk kid who ever lived. Yugi is not an outdoor person, so he spends most of his recesses inside the classroom. He brings a ton of games to school, hoping that someone might wanna play with him, but all of his classmates prefer to go outside and do stuff like basketball. And being a short teenager who practically looks like a little boy means he is not a desirable team mate in any ball game.

This is totally just a theory, but I think Yugi’s signature punk hairstyle is his way of trying to look a bit more edgy to try do something about his cute appearance.

... Yeah, it’s not working. He still looks like a fricking Gummibear.

As Yugi is minding his own business, we meet two familiar faces.

... their names are actually Jounouchi and and Honda, but most people know them by their American names, so I will just refer to them as Joey and Tristan. 

It’s so odd to see their old designs. Especially Joey since his hair is not as big and square like as it is today. And what the fuck is up with Tristan’s face?!

Anyways, while Yugi decides to play with the most valuable game in his collection, Joey and Tristan decides to mess with him. They make an interesting bully duo where Tristan is more loud and is clearly having more fun bothering Yugi who is too short to put up a fight while Joey seems more stoic and is almost annoyed by Yugi for being a pushover. He even tells Yugi to be a man about it and at least try and take the game back from him by force. So while Tristian just enjoys picking on Yugi for the heck of it, Joey seems to sincerely dislike Yugi.

Luckily, Yugi doesn’t have trouble with bullies as such since he is friends with Tea who is so tough that she actually intimidate Joey and Tristan with sheer attitude. That’s actually impressive.

... A shame she is most of the time just the damsel in distress.

Tea is the only person in class who hangs out with Yugi since they have been friends since kindergarten. And she doesn’t mind staying inside at all since a ton of the guys are jerks who only wanna play basketball with the girls since it gives them an opportunity to look up their skirts.

Yeah, there is a lot of that in this manga. Most of the males in this series are kinda horny. the humor often relies on it, which downright creepy at times.

Even Yugi finds basketball more appealing now that he knows about the skirt-looking.

Lewd panty-shot aside, I think it is a nice detail that Yugi is as pathetic as the rest of the dudes in school, he probably just doesn’t have the courage to try get a look. It makes him less of a pure hero.

Altight, let’s stop talking about Yugi being a closet creep:/

Yugi shows Tea what his greatest treasure is: A LITTERAL treasure.

Yep, this is the famous Millennium Puzzle, practically the mascot of the series. It’s an ancient puzzle found in an pyramid that Yugi got from his grandfather who runs a game store. The puzzle is extremely valuable, both because it is from ancient Egypt and it is made of gold.

... And Yugi brings it to school where Tristan and Joey pushes him around...

Yugi has been struggling with the puzzle for eight years despite being a game nerd. Even though it is a blow to his not that big ego, he keeps trying to solve it since the box says that if he will be granted a wish if he manage to solve the puzzle.

Meanwhile, Joey and Tristan makes the fatal mistake of talking about picking on Yugi while Ushio is close enough to hear it. He is the school’s hall monitor and rumor has it that he is downright psychotic and is feared by most of the students. Heck, some of the teachers are uncomfortable being near him.

And this guy has decided to become Yugi’s bodyguard, something poor Yugi doesn’t take serious when Ushio tells him that.

Joey and Tristan are unaware how screwed they are as they keep having their fun bothering Yugi without our hero knowing it. Joey managed to steal a piece from the puzzle box before Tea interrupted, and Joey decides to throw the piece in the school’s swimming pool so that the puzzle becomes worthless as it can no longer be solved. I gotta say, that is pretty twisted and surprisingly sneaky of a teen bully. It’s downright creepy.

Speaking of creepy...

This is Yugi’s grandfather Sugoroku. He runs the game shop that Yugi lives in and is a living encyclopedia when it comes to games of all sorts.

And he can’t just tell Tea that she has grown. He HAS to mention her breasts as well. Da fuck is up with all the sex talk and panty shots in this series?! Does Kazuki Takahashi(the author) have some sort of issues?!

Yugi’s grandfather notices that Yugi is STILL trying to solve the ancient puzzle and warns Yugi that the puzzle is supposedly cursed. That the archeologist and his team died mysteriously shortly after finding the puzzle and the last one to kick the bucket said something about a “shadow game” with his dying breath.

That however makes Yugi even more determent to solve the puzzle. If it really is magical then chances are that he will be granted a wish by completing the puzzle.

Personally, I would call the nearest museum and sell the dang thing before it could kill me with it’s insane cursed magic.

Speaking of insane, Yugi realizes that he should have taken Ushio serious when he said he would be his bodyguard.

Yep, the SOB has dragged Joey and Tristan behind the school building and kicked their asses through and through. Tristan is in so much pain that he is barely conscious and Joey is so pummeled that all he can do is watch as Yugi shows how surprisingly brave he is as he demands that Ushio leaves them alone, even refer to them as his friends and that they were just trying to make him a man.

Yeah, picking on someone because they are too timid and demanding that they fight you despite knowing that they hat violence is the right way to make someone a man. Hip hooray for toxic masculinity!

Yugi defending Joey and Tristan results in him getting a beating as well.

One of the interesting things about early Yu-Gi-Oh is the raw and ugly violence. We talking dirty violence where people get kneed in the chest and kicked while they lie down. Not just off-screen, we witness our heroes be pummeled, making the series a bit more gritty and frightening. And this series is not for those with a weak stomach.

Joey is stunned, partly because Yugi defends him, but way more of the short spiky-haired kid’s courage. But Yugi is anything but afraid. After all, he refused to fight Joey, but he still tried to get the puzzle back(not successfully, but he made an effort instead of just squirming).

After Ushio finished kicking poor Yugi’s ass, he tells him to bring him money as “payment” for his “bodyguard service.” And we talking 200000 yen, that’s a lot of dough.

Ushio even pulls a god damn knife(!), just to show how fucking crazy he is!

Yugi goes home to see if he has money enough to pay Ushio, but he only has 1656 yen. In frustration, Yugi decides to solve his unsolvable puzzle, just to think of something else than the brute with a knife who is waiting for him at school.

But what do you know? Yugi finally get the hang of it. He sees that some of the pieces just needs to be rotated differently and he finish it in a couple of minutes.

... Or he WOULD have. He finally sees that one of the pieces are missing, breaking his heart and making his awful day even worse.

But Grandpa has the last piece. He tells Yugi that one of his friends from school had found it and asked him to give it to Yugi. And that he was soaked despite it not raining.

As Yugi is happy about being able to finish the puzzle and returns to his room, his grandpa thinks about that the boy was Joey and that he asked him not to tell Yugi it was him that came with the puzzle piece. Joey also told him about Ushio blackmailing Yugi, so Grandpa secretly puts money in Yugi’s schoolbag so he won’t get in trouble.

And this is where it get’s freaky.

Yep, here it is. the iconic moment Yugi gets blessed by the puzzle so that he can turn into the split personality we refer to as Yami which is Japanese for “Dark”.

Yugi then calls Ushio and tells him to meet him outside school at midnight.

Ushio is surprised as he sees that Yugi is wearing some sort of costume and that he looks way more cocky than before.

Yugi tells Ushio that he has the money he demands, but he has twice the amount. Fricking 400000 yen!

But Yugi only “owes” 200000 to Ushio, so he suggest that they play about them in a dark and twisted game.

Yugi and Ushio take turns stabbing the stack of money placed on their hand. They have to stab hard enough to take more than one single bill. The winner is the guy with most yen bills.

As they play, Ushio seems to be winning... but when it is his turn, he can feel that his hand is way too eager to stab.

This is not just a weird-ass game. This is a “shadow game”, a game that shows your true nature. Ushio’s greed is now collected in his hand, and he so desperately want to win the game that he can’t control it. He realizes that if he stabs, he won’t be able to control his strength and he will penetrate his own hand. Ushio has to either A) give up and keep his hand or B) win the game with one hand less.

Ushio picks C.

Ushio tries to kill Yugi, but that was a mistake. The puzzle has made him super human and he leaps from the ground, evading the knife.

And cheating in a shadow game is a big no-go as the host of the game has authority to punish you.

Yami Yugi curses Ushio with “Illusion of Greed”, meaning he will be doomed to live in an imaginary world where he sees nothing but money everywhere.

Next morning, he is still outside the schoolyard like a drooling idiot who yells about all of his imaginary money.

Yugi has no memory of what happened but is glad he no longer has to be worried of Ushio who is a harmless nutcase. Not only that, he has finally finished his puzzle... and Joey offers him his friendship.

And that was the start of the horror manga turned card game commercial. It has a lot of charm, is very eerie and I think I prefer Yami Yugi’s first look that is more child like. making him look downright creepy.

This retrospective will continue ASAP.

Till then, I’m Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

[eolewyn1010]

Warning: This is a rant.

So, there’s someone in the Charité fandom with a few, eh, interesting(?) ships. Namely, Anni/de Crinis as a romantic ship or, more recently, Anni/Christel. Which, whatever. I don’t shit on your ship, you leave my boats alone and all that; I guess the person in question is just into villain/protagonist ships. You do you. But I do have an opinion and I’m gonna elaborate on it now. (It’s a history- and canon-oriented breakdown; feel free to ignore.)

First of all, Max de Crinis was a Nazi. I’m not sure inhowfar the person in question is aware of that because they only ever seem to be talking about the character de Crinis in the Charité show (more on that later) and I don’t think they’re German; thus they might not have the cultural background to take this with the same queasy feeling I do, but yes, we’re talking a real-life Nazi who gave his expert reports on which people were to be “sorted out” in Aktion T4. Meaning, he actively participated in the mass murder of disabled people, adults and children alike. And no one can tell me he didn’t know what he was having part in. That man was influencial, way up in the hierarchy. He lived the superiority ideology of the Nazis, he preached it. We are shown that in the series. We hear the way he talks about people, about the Dohnanyis, about a traumatized woman who thinks she has lost her child, about homosexuals, and I think it’s not far-off from what we know of historical de Crinis. He was a monster, responsible for the deaths of hundreds or thousands and not sorry about it. He’s not shown as a redeemable antagonist in the series, and I don’t see him at all with Anni, a character who is very much shown to be redeemable. Anni is passive and complacent, which is another category of bad, but she is, to some degree, unaware. It is at least partially a willful unawareness, admittedly, but she is young enough to have been raised unaware. And once she overcomes this, she realizes that what happens around her, what her highly adored mentor preaches and practices, is nothing she can morally justify. That’s when her redemption begins. With her breaking down crying eventually as she can’t cling to her worldview anymore, we know it’s a painful process, and it’s supposed to be.

De Crinis is at no point unaware. He is a Nazi, and we’re never shown at any time that he wants to change that. We’re never shown him in pain, up until it’s about his own life. Because there was never any indication for that in the historical person and this is a historical show.

Secondly, the character we are shown in the series. He’s married, y’know? Admittedly, his wife is extremely non-present, showing up only to die by his side, but it’s one of the things that make de Crinis behave in that condescending mentorly way toward Anni instead of being actually flirty with her. So, the ship would have to do away with the wife. Then, it’d have to away with Artur because - oh, right, Anni already has an irredeemable Nazi asshole she’s married to. From what we’re shown, she and Artur are very much in love initially. It’s not an easy separation for her. Easiest solution? Make them both single from the get-go, I guess, have de Crinis be Karin’s father; he’d conveniently be protective of his own child and stuff... and wind up as Artur, basically. Who’s all, “yeah, other people’s children, but not mine, of course”. To overcome that, de Crinis would have to realize that all human life has inherent value. Which means, he’d have to renounce his work, his loyalty to the Nazi realm, everything his life and ego consists of. All the things he’s built his reputation on, might I note. There are others who watch him. He’d be dead in no time. And if we say he was like that from the get-go, then he never gets into a position of power in the first place. Scientist? Even several of his contemporaries thought his work was worthless. (We’re shown that in series-canon, too, with Sauerbruch and Jung grinning at his self-adulation.) His hostility with the Dohnanyis / Bonhoeffers? Wouldn’t be there; he’d be fighting for their cause. His psychological torture and persecution of Martin and Otto? Why would he hunt down homosexuals if he had internalized that all human life has value and Nazi ideology is wrong?

There would be nothing left of his character. What point is there in shipping Anni with de Crinis when the latter isn’t de Crinis anymore? Just make a new character then? 

Third, his points of redemption potential? ...there are none. His favorism of Anni? Based on her being a good little sheep who looks up at him with her wide, Aryan eyes and admires him. His soft spot for kids, shown in his disgust with Magda Goebbels’ planned murder of her children? He’s appalled that the virtuous paragon of the Nazi model family is shredding yet another bit of his pretty, pretty worldview; that’s all. He doesn’t give a shit about children. He doesn’t try to stop her or talk her out if it. He tells her where she can get poison to go through with it. When Anni mentions that “Karin has been evacuated”, he doesn’t even blink. And he knows what “evacuating” means for a disabled child. He doesn’t care. He has the point of view of Nurse Käthe, of Prof. Bessau: That child’s no good; make new ones. His taking flight, knowing that he has committed crimes he will be prosecuted for? Yeah - but he doesn’t seem to suffer from it. When Anni acknowledges herself as guilty, she breaks down and lashes out, realizing what she might have been and was capable of. De Crinis? Takes flight. He’s not a bit shaken, not a bit surprised by what he has been up to. He has always known that what he participated in is wrong; he just didn’t care so long as there were no consequences for him personally. The one and only thing that made de Crinis watch-worthy in the series is that Lukas Miko is a damn fine actor who gives one hell of a chilling performance. That doesn’t make his character any less of a piece of shit, nor does it diminish my urge to go take a shower after the de Crinis scenes. I wouldn’t mind watching Miko play a de Crinis anthithesis, but that definitely wouldn’t be de Crinis.

To make this ship work, there are exactly two possibilities: Give up all of de Crinis’ character - or roll with him being the evil bastard that he is and that we are shown he is, and give up all of Anni’s character. That’s it. Just... don’t act like there’s canonically anything good about de Crinis.

Same goes for the Anni/Christel ship, btw. “Everything is the same, but Christel is not in love with Otto but with Anni”. That... means nothing is the same. It means everything changes thoroughly. Christel was always the only real threat for Otto and Martin - if she isn’t, there’s not much for them to fear in their own ranks. They’re careful; they wouldn’t have been found out without a denunciation. Means, they don’t get arrested, Otto doesn’t have to save Martin, Otto goes out to war, Otto dies before the war is over because those last months of battling were desperate and ugly (even more so than the earlier, I mean). So, we’d get a new gay at the cost of killing another? Eh. A Nazi accepting homosexuality, coming to terms with herself as an adversary of her own creeds and abandoning Nazi ideology to Do The Right Thing is not “missing dramatic content”, either. It’s Anni’s arc. And it’s a character arc that Christel, with the way she’s written, with “too much compassion is a sign of weakness”, is not capable of.

The scenario doesn’t only include Christel accepting herself as a lesbian; it also includes her helping Anni with Karin. Which brings us back to the same problem as with de Crinis: She’d have to abandon everything she’s convinced of. Accept the value of all human life. And I think her definition of a “worthy life” is even narrower than that of de Crinis; that’s why he recruits her in the first place: Because Christel is a very passionate Nazi. Much more so than de Crinis. She has a backbone, he’s an opportunistic chickenshit. He takes flight. She fights. To the very last second, she clings to her idea of the Nazi realm. When she breaks down, it isn’t for realizing that what she believes in is wrong; it is because what she believes in is lost. That’s one of the things that make me be more shaken with her than with de Crinis, even more in awe of Frida-Lovisa Hamann than of Lukas Miko: Christel never knows that she’s in the wrong. Like Anni, she’s young enough to have been raised unaware, and different than Anni, she very decidedly declines the chance to break out of this. If she’d been brought to court for her deeds, she wouldn’t have been able to defend herself, and she wouldn’t have denied anything, because in her worldview, she never did anything wrong. Realizing that would be, again, an extremely painful process and, again, it wouldn’t leave anything of her character. Why would she go on a date with Otto and propose to him? Why would she tattle on little Emil? On Hans von Dohnanyi? On Martin? Why would she be in conflict with the Sauerbruchs? Why would she lead Volkssturm kids into the hospital if she wants to protect Anni? Why are there any conflicts at all instead of all of the Charité staff being morally upright and good and a united front against the Nazis?

They aren’t. There’s a story being told, and if they’d change out these chilling, well-written antagonists for lukewarm knock-off protagonists, they’d have to make up new antagonists to make any of the story work. It’s a historical series, dealing with living amidst Nazis; inside this framework, the characters won’t function as theirselves if their core values are flipped.

Conclusion? There’s only one legit ship in there, and it’s de Crinis/Christel. I can totally see that; it’d leave both their characters intact. He could rush back to tragically die by her side - BAM, there you’ve got your Nazi-apologetic drama. Or make it Magda Goebbels/Christel, if one wants to go for psycho lesbians. Personally, I don’t care much for finding a happy end for obvious Nazis that were written as Nazis and have absolutely nothing that would turn them away from being Nazis. And I don’t see Anni being either’s romantic partner. Why on earth would she want to? Isn’t Artur punishment enough?

[amazingorangedangantrash]

Do you have any headcanons for Makoto interacting with class 77??

oh bOY DO I-

Makoto interacting with class 77

(AH i started typing out his interaction with the remnants + post sdr2, but then I thought maybe you meant something more like the literal class + their school days/pre-despair? so here's that, sorry if it's not what you meant-)

(Also I got a bit excited and this ended up being less so headcanons and more like- how Makoto befriended the entirety of Class 77-B and then some, and because it’s long af, I decided to put it under the cut for the sake of both mine and your sanity, anon)

Makoto Naegi and class 77 (and Hajime Hinata because I just want to include him ok-)

• Chiaki Nanami- honestly I think him and Chiaki would get along well. She wants to make friends, and he's extremely good at it- I can imagine him walking up to her one day whilst she's alone and shyly asking if she'd want some company. I think he'd probably be a big help in her trying to befriend the rest of her class, and I think she'd probably come to him for advice/to complain. She'd probably look up to his outgoing and extroverted nature, and try to apply that to herself. He probably gives her some suggestions on how to get everyone closer. I also like to think she'd come to him when she needs a break from the rest of them too- she loves them, but they're a handful, and Makoto is sweet and soothing to be around, he's very open and easy to read, which can be comforting. Makoto and Chiaki are the “glue” of their friends, they help keep everyone connected (after all, it’s only when those two ‘die’, that everyone completely falls into despair). Whilst I think they enjoy and are proud of that responsibility, the expectations might get a bit much sometimes, understandably so, and they’d need to let it out to someone who feels the same. They both cherish their friends a LOT, and it’s sweet to imagine them gushing about it how awesome everyone is and how much fun they have spending time together. Chiaki and Makoto will be seen playing video games together to blow off steam from time to time.

• Hajime Hinata- he probably gets introduced to Makoto through Chiaki, and the two bond, if not instantaneously. Hajime and Makoto are VERY similar, in that they're both "normal". Hajime straight up doesn't have a talent, and Makoto only kind of does? He got into the main course through a lottery, and his luck is nowhere on the level of Nagito's- he's just as "ordinary". I think Hajime would be jealous of Makoto at first (after all, they're not that different, and yet it was Makoto who got to be part of the "special" group), but that would quickly turn into being comforted by him. Makoto also believes in everyone's potential, and whilst he admires talent and Hope's Peak, he doesn't believe that only the talented are worthy or capable of producing hope. I like to think Makoto harbours a little bit of an inferiority complex, being surrounded by talent all the time, and Hajime can definitely understand that. I think the two of them could form a strong bond, and a close friendship, due to their similarity. It's one thing to hear about your worth from someone 'better' then you, it's another when they're on your level. Makoto is very humble, and that's what Hajime needs- someone on his level to get real with him and be a friend. Additionally, Hajime is someone Makoto could maybe confide in about his own insecurity- lord knows he couldn't with his own class, or any of the other Ultimates really, but Hajime gets it. The two could bounce off each other well. I know a lot of people joke about them being ‘brothers’, but I can really see them forming a close, caring bond. Hajime doesn’t really have friends, and whilst he might be prone to bitterness and agression, he’s also got a good heart and cares about doing what he feels is right (dr3, when he tries to befriend the Kuzuryu sister and demands to see Mahiru (I believe it was). They both have an advocacy for justice, but a self-sacrificing nature too. They’re similar but yet also opposites in a way. They’re perfect as each other’s support and as their mirror perspective. 

• Nagito Komaeda- oooohhh boy. We all know how Nagito thinks of his own talent *wheeze*, let's just say at first he's not- the kindest to Makoto. He doesn't understand why Makoto is so carefree and friendly when he's so 'worthless'. He sees Makoto as being overly confident and cocky (when the opposite is true), and almost finds it insulting that he can just casually walk up to the others and act like they’re ‘equals’. However, as time goes on, he comes to realise that Makoto's attitude and approach to life is truly extraordinary, and that he has a way of inspiring hope in others that Nagito has simply never seen before. I think Makoto would be a little hurt at first by the harsh treatment, but would continue in his endeavour to reach out to and connect with Nagito (and Nagito would find that persistence astonishing- no one has ever tried that hard with him). Unlike the others who either ignore or are irritated by Nagito's continuous self-deprecation, I think Makoto would instead be primarily concerned and do what he always does- try to help. Makoto is an excellent people-reader, and he'd be able to tell that Nagito's hostile and antagonistic attitude towards him (and other "normal" people) comes from a place of self-loathing and a twisted admiration for hope (a feeling he's admitted isn't entirely foreign to him). I think Makoto could grow close with Nagito, and maybe help him to see his own worth. After all, if someone as "talentless" as Makoto could be (what Nagito considers) the Ultimate Hope, what's to say Nagito doesn't also have worth? I think Nagito would go fanboy once he figures out Makoto's true talent though (maybe not as hardcore as dr3 lmao) and Makoto maaay have to reel him in a little (it's definitely jarring to see Nagito jump from disdain to total adoration towards him in the span of like- half a week). Makoto probably wouldn't like being idolised (he's definitely not used to it), but he wouldn't put Nagito down or push him away because of it either- he recognises that it's not, well, the healthiest, but he also knows it's not from a place of malice or impure intent. He thinks that Komaeda's outlook on life is similar but different to his own, and respects him for making him consider hope from a new viewpoint- and the same for Nagito. Makoto admires that Nagito chose to turn to hope instead of despair, despite the hardships he's endured. I also like to think Makoto (alongside Chiaki, probably) would play a pretty important part in getting Nagito to interact more with his classmates (he has a tendency to just... watch from afar), and open up more to people in general.

• Also on the note of Nagito- I've seen people suggest that Makoto could cancel out Nagito's super luck with his own- making them both just average. It's definitely interesting to consider! I believe somewhere Nagito stated that he just wanted a normal life and that he resents his luck for making him endure such suffering? (His poor dog ;-;). I'm going off into my own little Komaegi world at this point I'm sorry sjjdjssjdh but if that's the case then Nagito would be extremely comforted in Makoto's presence, finally not having not worry about something extremely bad happening to someone else due to his luck. He gets to feel what it is to be "talentless", and to his surprise- he enjoys it. It’s not so bad being ‘normal’. (secretly it’s all he’s ever wanted).

• Kazuichi Soda- Kazuichi seems to really crave friendship and connection with others. (I don't know a lot about him, but apparently he had a real tough/abusive childhood, and a bad experience with his peers lead to him developing trust issues) He puts on a façade, but we all know he's really soft underneath. I think someone like Makoto, who's very open with his feelings, honest, and naturally friendly, is the kind of person Kazuichi would appreciate. Makoto has a LOT of patience, and he could deal with Kazuichi's antics and goofiness a lot better then the others. Kazuichi is one of the more "normal" characters (personality wise anyway), as he acts a lot like you'd expect from a teenage boy. He's relatively carefree, he's talkative, he likes girls, etc- Kazuichi and Makoto would have a very typical "bromance"- they both offer a bit more of a typical friendship then their classmates. Kazuichi can be pretty clingy, but I don't think Makoto would mind too much. It probably feels nice having someone actively seek out his company and companionship instead of the other way around. Kazuichi could also teach him some stuff about mechanics- which comes in usual for anyone, really. (Once Kazuichi finds out about Makoto cancelling out Nagito’s luck, he insists that Makoto accompany him whenever he knows he has to be close to him for too long- he always seems to get the brunt of it around that guy...)

• Gundham Tanaka- Gundham can be very... enthusiastic, sure, but Makoto is used to the overabundance of energy from his own classmates already. At this point I feel like he's started to be able to read in between the lines when people talk to him, and he'd be able to see Gundham's gentle and caring nature, espeically when it comes to his furry friends. He'd see that Gundham probably craves company and connection, but due to his fear of intimacy, covers that up with an appearance of self-grandeur. In actuality, Gundham appreciates the time Makoto spends with him. I feel like Makoto understands that Gundham struggles with conveying his emotions and thoughts, and instead communicates his own feelings of friendship through Gundham's own love language- his animals. Makoto probably even goes out of his way to learn more about hamsters just so he can show he's made an effort- something Gundham is extremely grateful for. Makoto helps him with coming out of his shell a little, and Gundham helps Makoto learn to appreciate life a lot more when he's not cleaning up animal poop haha.

• Peko Pekoyama- Makoto is definitely no stranger to strong female fighters, especially the quiet and reserved type, so he'd be able to click with Peko. Whilst I think he’d be a little intimidated at first, he'd soon see past that icy exterior and realise that Peko isn't necessarily cold or emotionless- she just doesn't show her emotions visibly much. He'd learn to recognize that she speaks more with her actions then her words or even her face- as she often will do subtle things (such as buy him a drink or offer up her own time to talk with him) to communicate their friendship, something people don't realise at first. Peko has a lot of trouble communicating her feelings to Fuyuhiko in particular, and thus Makoto is more then happy to help her "practice" her communication, not just for Fuyuhiko's, but for her classmates' sake too. (Also it's mentioned that she likes cute animals and I just- imagine her struggling so hard not to reach out and ruffle his hair because omg he’s literally just a pupPY-)

• Akane Owari- Akane is a basically the lovechild of Sakura and Hina lmao. She's this wonderful mix of Sakura's strength and Hina's personality- I think Makoto might be a little intimidated by her (especially as she can be... aggressive at times), but he'd quickly warm up to her and vice versa. I think it was mentioned that Akane likes "small hungry things"? She'd definitely feel protective when it comes to Makoto, since he's so small and sweet- and not outwardly the strongest. I like to think he might remind her of her little siblings, who she adores and almost misses looking after. Whenever they hang out, it's normally at lunch, and Makoto will always make an effort to bring her some kind of food or snack if he knows he'll see her, a gesture she's extremely grateful for. Akane is great company on days where Makoto wants to be active, since she's like a big ball of energy. She's also laid back and carefree, and sometimes they'll sit in the grass and just eat and talk about stuff. Akane doesn't like to bother herself with complicated thoughts and feelings, so she's great to spend lazy days with too.

• Nekomaru Nidai- (apologies I don't know a lot about him but-) like Akane, Nekomaru is quite protective over Makoto. We've seen that he's got a righteous heart and strong protective streak, and he's unafraid to show his emotions, even if it gets him mocked by others. He's very passionate, much like Makoto. Makoto is very honest too, and I think the two of them would click over that. Nekomaru could act as support and encouragement for Makoto, as well as help him with organisation (he IS the ultimate (team) manager after all). I think Nekomaru would recognise that Makoto's talents lie elsewhere then his physicality, and instead of mock or belittle him for it, acknowledge that proudly.

• Teruteru Hanamura- ah yes, the little perv. Much like everyone, Makoto would probably be annoyed by Teruteru's... suggestive-ness at first, but I think after they spent some time together, Teruteru would ease up on the perviness, and treat Makoto with a bit more respect. Seeing as he's bi as hell, I can definitely see him developing a little crush or infatuation with Makoto (at the very least find him hot lmao). Makoto definitely wouldn't be used to someone expressing their attraction towards him so forwardly, and he'd be a little flattered (if not also rather disturbed-). Teruteru has been shown to have a real soft spot for his mama, and him and Makoto could definitely bond over their deep love for their families (the Naegi sibling relationship is so cute gah-). Makoto would learn to see past Teruteru's persona and recognise that underneath, is a boy who loves him mama and cooking food for people to enjoy more then anything. (Teruteru will complain at him for his "trash junk food" prefences, but Makoto will pretend not to notice when he secretly sneaks a bite because he knows it reminds him of his mom's cooking).

• Sonia Nevermind- Sonia is definitely a bit overwhelming at first. Makoto struggles a bit to not treat her as an figure of authority (she is royalty after all, it feels weird to treat her like a close friend right off the bat), but he soon gets over it. Sonia has expressed she wants to live like a "normal Japanese highschool girl", and I think Makoto would understand that, doing what he can to make her feel comfortable. He might find her obsession with Japanese culture and general misunderstanding things a tad off-putting (having her stare at him for 15 minutes straight while he slurped up some instant ramen was... an experience) but he understands it comes from a place of curiosity, and chalks it up to her being a foreigner. He actually finds it very sweet that she's trying to learn about different cultures and educate herself, and he's the last person to judge for it. He doesn't mind sitting and explaining things to her, and it's also interesting to learn about her life too, as vastly different as it may be from his own. She doesn't have to worry about him treating her badly or trying to take advantage of her occasional naivety. (He also recognises that she's a lot smarter then she may first appear, having in-depth knowledge of warfare, economics, and the complex hell that is international politics-). Her love for the occult and spooky stuff would remind him of Komaru- he makes a note to set up a ouija board session for the two of them someday.

• Ibuki Mioda- Ibuki is definitely an interesting person! She's very upbeat and friendly, and whilst it throws Makoto off a little at first ("M-m-makoto-chan?!") he gets used to it. After all, it's not like the others aren't also... quirky. It's stated that Makoto likes pop music (probably a result of his friendship and early feelings for Sayaka), so he'd probably be pretty fond of/interested in Ibuki, being a musician. She'd probably help him branch out into some more...*ahem* niche music tastes, and to his surprise, he actually ends up liking some of it (the absolute whiplash his own classmates get when one of them accidentally rips out his earphones and intense heavy metal comes blaring out-). Ibuki isn't exactly book smart, but she has a lot of emotional intelligence, like Makoto. Unlike Makoto, whose empathetic (or I suppose sympathetic) and caring nature is pretty obvious at a first glance, Ibuki isn't as much so, which is why Makoto finds it interesting how her outward punk appearance doesn't match her inward very caring side. She really values individualism, and encourages him to be himself, thinking it's dumb that he feels inferior for his "talent"- she thinks it's cool that he doesn't have an obvious focus or persona like everyone else puts on, that he gets to explore his personality and expression for himself, and she tells him as such. Makoto is grateful for this- he worries that he's too bland or doesn't have a ‘real’ personality and isn't special, and Ibuki is quick to refute him, pointing out all the little quirks and aspects of his personality she finds super duper cute (to his embarrassment)! Like with her music, Ibuki is able to find the beauty in places one typically wouldn't look, and Makoto admires that about her. Ibuki is pretty good at reading the mood, and if she senses something is off, will do her best to lift up Makoto's spirits without needing to outright confront him about it- similarly, Makoto will happily listen to her rant or gush about things without judgement- she knows that her interest and personality isn't what people typically expect from her, and he doesn't care. She doesn't feel like she has to hide her emotions or put on a mask to make him feel better, like she might with others. She knows her negative feelings won't bring him down, so she feels comfortable expressing herself around him, even when it's not always happy. They appreciate each other's honesty in being who they are. They bounce off each other's energy well, being such optimistic and enthusiastic people.

• Mikan Tsumiki- Mikan is a very, very vulnerable person. She's nervous and insecure and has some very obvious self-esteem issues. Unlike Komaeda however, she isn't *confident*, and is therefore very meek and timid and easy to take advantage of. Girl's got a lotta issues (i just read through her page on the fandom wiki and- man-), and someone gentle and understanding like Makoto would be really good for her to form a healthy relationship with (hopefully just the start of one of many). Unlike others, Makoto wouldn't want to take advantage of Mikan, and I think he'd genuinely want to help her improve herself, both in becoming more assertive and also in learning to have a little more faith in people, not always assuming the worst from them. He'd help teach her that there are good people in the world too, and that by learning to view herself with more respect, it will be easier for her to (rightfully) demand respect from others too. I honestly don't want to go into the more *unhealthy* sides of Mikan's potential for obsession, but as with Nagito, I can see her developing a bit of a crush on Makoto. (Whether or not that goes anywhere is up to you of course.) I think Makoto, whilst understanding that it stems from an unfortunate past, would appreciate Mikan's sweet and helpful personality. Makoto is very clumsy, partly due to his fickle luck, so I can see him getting bruises and minor cuts and stuff often due to it- Mikan ends up being the first person he goes to when this happens, and she doesn't say it to his face, far too shy, but he knows she's grateful to be considered a help to him.

• Hiyoko Saionji- Hiyoko is definitely... a tough one. She's very openly hostile and aloof, and she has no problems bullying others. I think a lot of Makoto's experience from dealing with Byakuya, Toko and Celeste would come into play here, as he's used to dealing with the openly mean, dismissive and arrogant types. A lot of Hiyoko's hostility comes from her past, and being treated cruelly herself, leading her to develop a harsh exterior as a coping mechanism. I think she'd be kind of jealous of how Makoto can roll with the punches so easily- I think she'd start to feel kind of bad about saying mean things to him. He would be patient with her, but would also call her out on her behaviour (without being dismissive or cruel himself) something I'm sure she didn't have people do before. She might not consider him to be like an "older" brother, but she'd respect him as an equal (since she deeply loves her father, I think she'd want a genuinely kind, good male figure in her life). Makoto is an older brother to a younger sister- I'm sure he's had to deal with Komaru being a bit of a brat before haha (am older sibling myself, can confirm). Hiyoko really appreciates traditionalism, and knowing this, Makoto might try to learn more or engage with that side of her- she acknowledges that her interests and attitudes are out-of-fashion, so she'd appreciate the effort made to understand her. Makoto might help to get her to be more sympathetic towards others. She'd offer a different perspective of their country and it's beauty to him.

• Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu- ah yes, the irl boss baby- as with everyone, Fuyuhiko would be short-tempered and aggressive towards Makoto. He'd eventually come around though. Makoto is pretty used to dealing with tsunderes, and takes it all in stride. It's a little to surprising to Fuyuhiko at first to see someone who isn't as easily deterred by his attitude as the others, and he admires that. Fuyuhiko has quite the inferiority complex, and part of that comes from his short height and youthful appearance (babyface-). It's nice to see someone like Makoto who isn't really that affected by his own appearance, and doesn't let it affect how he sees himself (Fuyuhiko is actually a little shorter even pfft). Fuyuhiko seems to want company, but has trouble initiating friendships and conversations (think back to the party from chapter 1), due to keeping up his lone wolf persona. Makoto recognises this, and will instead take on the role of instigator, which Fuyuhiko is thankful for. Though you wouldn’t expect it, he's actually also a Good Boi, and has a certain respect for rules and order (he's against underage drinking, smoking and sex, can you believe it?). Because of that, he'd respect Makoto for being the obedient student he is. I think Fuyuhiko would like Makoto's sincere and honest nature, especially considering he's not someone who's easily trusting- the Yakuza don't take friendship lightly, and once Fuyuhiko takes a liking to someone, he'll become fiercely defensive, protective of, and loyal to them to a fault (of course that doesn't entirely stop the jabs or insults- hey, he's trying). I think eventually Fuyuhiko would confide in Makoto about his own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity when it comes to honouring his family name- Makoto would be able to relate. He'd be able to reassure Fuyuhiko of his strengths, whilst also providing him with chance to experience a more typical, playful highschool boy's life. (He'll drag Fuyuhiko along with him to hang out, and although the other will complain and scoff at him, he'll enjoy it). He gets to be a bit more laid back and amiable, and less snappy or snarky. Makoto won't judge or embarrass him for letting loose a little, and vice versa.

• Mahiru Koizumi- Mahiru and Makoto are very similar, in that they both take on a friendly and optimistic attitude. They both tend to be the "caretakers" of their groups, and like to help others. Mahiru is the closest thing to a "makoto" class 77 has. They're both very kind and caring, and don't hesitate to offer their assistance and support. At the same time, they aren't doormats (well, Makoto is a bit of a pushover, but not to the level of characters like Mikan or Hifumi). Whilst I feel like Makoto is a bit more- restrained (he's seriously sarcastic and sassy, he just keeps it to himself most of the time), both he and Mahiru won't hesitate to point out when they don't agree with something. Mahiru's treatment of him due to him being a "boy" might be a little irritating, but it's not like he hasn't heard it before- (kyoko's "after all, you are a boy, aren't you?" comes to mind). He understands that she's probably had to deal with a lot of crap from guys, and doesn't take it to heart. It's been mentioned that Mahiru likes to take pictures of smiling faces? Well, I think Makoto would find that beautiful. Whereas others chastise her for it, and urge her to take pictures of other things, like objects for example, he instead encourages her to pursue what she's passionate about- after all, a talent is a gift, and you deserve to enjoy it. So what if it's "generic"? If it's what she likes, he sees no reason why she shouldn't continue to do it. He thinks her work is lovely regardless. (This is more of a personal interpretation, but Makoto gives off very foresty, natural imagery, and I think he'd maybe like that kind of thing, so maybe she'd find inspiration through his likeness to it?) Due to his innocence and pure nature, she starts to see a bit more of the appeal in nature. His smiling face is one of the first pictures of a boy she genuinely likes (though, it's not as if she'd ever tell him that).

• Ryota/Imposter- well, Imposter would probably act the same way around Makoto as whoever they were impersonating, though Makoto would probably be able to tell something was... off (though he just wouldn't be able to put his finger on what, exactly). If Imposter ever did reveal themself to him, he'd make sure to let them know that it was ok, and that he'd support their journey to reclaiming their identity however they wanted. Ryota (if he ever left his room and actually made connections with his classmates hsshhsh) would probably be the same as he was in dr3? He'd probably be a little inspired by and hold admiration towards Makoto, seeing him befriend all of his classmates, before that started to slowly turn into resentment and envy- animation is a wonderful thing, I'll be the first to defend, but Ryouta basically uses it to fill the hole in his heart that really, can only be filled with genuine human connection. Makoto could act as a stepping stone for this, much like Imposter, and act as support- him and Ryota are similar in firmly believing in and wanting to spread hope more then anything. Makoto would also genuinely take an interest in and admire Ryota's talent, giving him well-deserved validation for his efforts.

BONUS-

• Chisa Yukizome- news of the remarkable underclassman who managed to miraculously befriend all her beloved students reaches her, and she can't be more ecstatic! She takes whatever opportunities she can to invite Makoto into her classroom, under the guise of "important faculty stuff". Makoto's talent (luck, as they haven't yet fully realised his potential of hope) is a lot harder to cultivate then the norm (they're almost scared to experiment- the LAST thing they need is another Komaeda incident), so it's best to just- let him be most of the time. His schedule is a lot more flexible because of this, and you BET Chisa takes advantage of this whenever she can. She's extremely grateful to the young boy for uniting her class, and finds it simply wonderful how so much potential- so much hope can reside in someone so young. She makes sure to let Makoto know how much she appreciates his help, and will often leave him little gifts, like sweets and handmade arrangements, to show her gratitude. (Makoto doesn't really understand why this one teacher in particular seems to have taken a shine to him, but he doesn't mind- he finds he actually really likes having people place their trust in him- he enjoys spending time with class 77, and finds it both extraordinary and humbling that they seem to reciprocate the feeling).

• Izuru Kamukura- he doesn't understand why Makoto Naegi has had such an effect on the others. He's so unremarkable it's almost special. His talent is hardly enough to be considered "ultimate", especially not compared to someone like him, who has more talent then all of them combined (which isn't arrogance, merely undeniable fact). Someone like him, the 'ultimate hope', should be utterly bored and disinterested to the brink of tears with someone as mind-numbingly normal as Makoto Naegi and yet-

He isn't.

Perhaphs because unlike everyone else, Makoto doesn't consider him any more "worthy" then the rest of them. Unlike everything Izuru had been taught, had understood as soon as he'd opened his eyes for the first time, had known since the moment of his conception, Makoto didn't believe talent was all that was needed for hope. He believed everyone and anyone was equally capable of it, of becoming hope-

Makoto Naegi is-

Very interesting.

_

Aaaand there you have it, anon! ahdgjdsfhs I’m sorry it took so long. It kind of turned into more potential relationship analysis then actual headcanons oops- I might make a follow up to this that’s a bit more general-hcs style haha. I hope if anyone actually read this they enjoyed it! lemme know what you think!

tl;dr makoto is an angel and class 77 will happily steal him away hehe

https://www.zerochan.net/2046777#full

[twisted-leader-of-something]

Week 3: Psychological Horror

Author’s Note: Another day closer to Halloween! So, as celebration, I shall attempt to write one of my favorite types of horror, Psychological Horror! Featuring my girl Quentin, in an Overblot-Flashback-Thingy Style! Let’s see if I can creep you out! I worked hard on this, so I’m pretty hopeful it’ll creepy you out, even a little! 

Trigger Warnings: Really vague writing on purpose, really depressing stuff, spoilers for Quentin’s backstory if you manage to figure out what’s going on, or get me to explain it. 

From the moment I was born, I was doomed to have a life of pain. 

Such is the life I was born into. 

I was told at a young age my life was not my own, and in the end, I will die no matter what I do. And, mostly likely, I will end up dying because someone else thinks I deserve it. 

And, I’ve accepted that. 

That my life isn’t my own to have. 

That I’ll be used by someone’s entertainment, and end up thrown away when they get bored of me. 

No matter how happy I get, there will always be pain soon after. It’s always been that way. 

And nothing will change.

I’ve been alive for 18 years, and nothing has changed about that fact. 

“QUENTIN DESMONA!” 

(“Ha! That bitch! She thinks she’s better than us! You will refer to me as Master, and maybe I’ll let you have your name!”)

“PLEASE STOP THIS! I BEG OF YOU!” 

(“I like to watch Royal scum suffer. Serves them right. They know nothing of what we suffer! Keep going!”)

“IT HURTS!” 

(“Oh please! She can take more of it! She’s still moving, after all. Royal Scum shouldn’t be given mercy.”)

“THIS ISN’T FUNNY, NOBLEMAN! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!” 

(“She’s worthless. Just like her family. She’s a sellout, cowardly, shameless. She’ll do anything to keep herself rich.”)

“PLEASE! DIPLOMAT OF THE ROYAL FAMILY! END THIS!” 

(“Oh, diplomat is being way too generous. Why don’t they just call her what she is: our bitch?”)

“PLEASE! STOP THIS!” 

(“Hahaha! More! More! I want to see that whore bleed out of every pore!”)

“WE DIDN’T MEAN IT!” 

(“Even if the Royal Family was liked, I still would hate her. Just look at her. She’s so ugly. And she sold out her parents. What a terrible girl.”)

“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! THEY’RE THE ONES AT FAULT HERE!” 

(“We’ll kill that bitch! She’s a piece of trash on this land! She has no right to exist!”)

“WE’LL KILL THE OTHERS INSTEAD! PLEASE, JUST STOP IT! PLEASE!” 

(“She totally deserves to be killed. Nobody likes her. I bet even the royal family tried to kill her, but simply gave her to us to do their job for them so they’d have no blood on their hands.”)

“SOMEONE! ANYONE! HELP ME!”

(“Awwwww. Look at her struggling. It’s almost cute. But it disgusts me, more than anything. Seeing her try. Just give up, bitch.”)

Oh, now you beg for mercy? 

Why do you even think you deserve such a luxury while you’ve stepped on countless others, and for what? Power?

You’ve been given everything on a silver platter! What more do you want?!

I’ve suffered for years because of all of you! And you think you deserve mercy?!

No! 

B̷͔͔̙̳̝͚͔̹͇͇̙̟̏͂̉͂̾̆̏̎͒̿͜͜͝͝ų̸̼̥̹̥̙̮̝̲̻͚̟̦̫͖̀̇͊̇̆̊̑̉͐̌͐͂r̵̺͚̳̹̙͔̖̼͉͈̤̔̊͆̈͊͌͋̐͒̂̕ͅn̴̡̠̐͆̎͂̂̐̀̋́́̈́ ̴̛̙̩̜̳̯̩̭͎̗̤̟̭͉̱̈́̃͒͝ͅḯ̶͚͚̈́̑̑̐̄̿͂́͊́̄̓͝͝n̷͎͎͕̼͓̱͖̊̈̎̎͌̂͠͝͝ͅ ̸̨̡͖͍̫͓̪̥̮̬̭̐͋͑̓̊̒͐̚͝H̵̨̧̟̣̠͍̙̥̑̒͗̌̋̈́̉ͅẹ̶̢̛̺̗̞̠͔̥͇̹̞̽̆͋͊̔̅́̚l̶̢̡̟̦̺̫̬͓̝̤̤͎͂̚l̵̨̠͓͊̔̍̾̅!̵̨̧̻̼̰̺̱͋̈͛́̊̎̄̓͆͊͒̇͋̈́͝ A̶̧̛̮̪̦̠͓̙̥̺̦̳̓́̀́̈̓ͅĻ̸̰̬̼̙̮̖̲̇̈͑̔͌̾L̷̡͔̳͑͛͋͒̌̈̚͜͝ ̷̡̛̪̥̭͙̝̎̽̽͐̍̔̀̓͊͑̓͐Ǫ̷̞̻͍̦̭͇̙͙̪̰̔F̵̨̳̭̼͓̱̹̫͉̩̥̣̬͖̻̋̎̔͒̔̒̊ ̶̲̫͊Y̷̡̪͖͊̊̈́͌̆͌̄͐̂͛͝Ǫ̴̨̬̳̯̣̻̤̩͆͐̏̅̂͂̄̕͠͝Ų̷̰̻͖̯͉̤͇̃͋́̑̀!̴̨̧̥̠̰̣̣̮̗̝͗̈́͌͊̀͊

But, everyone’s no different than me. 

All of us nobleman are suffering. 

As the diplomat of the Royal Family, I act as the middleman between the people, the Royal Family, and the Republic of Andalasian Peoples. 

I cannot falter. No matter what may happen to me. 

Not matter if they beat me until I almost die, even if I am starved nearly to death, even if I am deprived of my rights as a human being, even if I am treated as their personal punching bag, even if they torture me just to see me cry, I cannot falter.

It’s all for them, after all. 

They. . . They are suffering, . . . just as much as I am. 

I. . . I need to do my part to help.

Or. . . They’ll suffer even more.

“We need to go home, just for a little bit. You’ll be back soon, I promise.” Andromeda smiled warmly as she held my hands. 

(She’s lying.)

“Yeah! Please! We just need you to settle something really quick because we’ve tried everything!” Eadwine begged, tugging on my Night Raven uniform.

(Liar. Liar. Pants on Fire.)

“Please, my love?” Amiel said, awkwardly, even rubbing the back of his head.

(Do you even love me anymore?)

“It’ll be like a break from school. We’ll take care of everything.” Azazel smiled warmly, putting a hand over his heart.

(You know it isn’t. Quit lying through your teeth.)

“Quentin! Welcome Home!”

(“Sayonara.”)

“I’m sorry, Quentin.”

(No, you aren’t.)

I thought, if I could play the game of life I’d make it out okay. I’d be rewarded for my hard work.

If I just played my part, if I did what was asked of me, I’d be okay.

But, I was wrong. 

In the end, I was played for a fool. 

I did everything, EVERYTHING I was told to do, and I worked hard at it. I put every single once of my everything into my work. 

I’ve worked harder than anyone else in this godsdamned family to keep it safe! 

No one is this world will ever understand how much blood I’ve shed! 

How much sweat has come out of this body!

How many tears I’ve cried!

And, after doing one thing for my brother he asked of me before he died, I’M punished for it?!

My older sister ran away, and she’s never had to suffer a bit! Our parents were killed because of her! 

Why wasn’t she punished?! Why isn’t she here?! Why isn’t she helping me?!

Why isn’t the first house helping me?! They said they’d protect me!

Why isn’t Eadwine, Amiel and Azazel helping me?! Don’t they love me?!

Why? 

Why me?

I’ve done everything asked of me. No matter what happened, I did my best. No matter what happened, I never faltered. No matter what happened, I never gave up. 

Why?

Do the gods just hate me?

Does everyone in this world just hate me? Do they want me dead?

Why is this happening to me?

【“Ｑｕｅｎｔｉｎ　Ｎｉｇｈｔｙ－Ｓａｌｌｏｗ，　ｆｉｒｓｔ　ｒｅｆｕｇｅｅ　ｏｆ　Ａｎｄａｌａｓｉａ．　．　．　ｔｈｅ　ｓｈａｐｅ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｙ　ｓｏｕｌ　ｉｓ．　．　．　Ｒａｍｓｈａｃｋｌｅ．”】

“Eh? Did you hear that?”

“From Andalasia?”

“No way. The mirror has to be lying.”

“That’s. . . That’s not possible. . . After all they’re. . .”

“Ramshackle dorm? What’s that?”

“I think it’s that old dorm with nobody in it. You know, the one that shut down.”

“Poor boy. All alone.” 

“Why would the mirror sort them into there?”

“Because the mirror doesn’t like him. Look at him.”

“He thinks he’s better than us.”

“Yeah, totally. I bet he can’t even speak Common.”

“Pfffft. Then how will the teachers help him? He’s screwed here! May as well go home if that’s true!”

“Yeah, he’s not going to make it in a world like this anyways! He may as well go home!”

“Pfffft. He thinks he’s better than us because of his grades. We’ll show him.”

“He’s nothing compared to us! He’s just a refugee!”

Nobody. . . Nobody in this world will ever understand.

Nobody in this whole world will ever be able to understand.

What I’ve done. 

What I’ve felt. 

The Animosity. . . The Love. . . The Anger. . . The Sadness. . . The Joy. . . The Fear. . . The Disgust. . . The Suprise. . . The Apathy. . . The Boredom. . . I’ve felt it all. 

What horrible things I’ve seen. 

The piles and piles of people who’ve died, by the hands of others, or by their own. 

The ghosts who cry for vengeance every night. 

Nobody in this world will ever be able to understand how I feel. 

And I don’t expect them to. 

Nobody in this world ever has to understand how I feel.

B̶̡̨̬̤͎̜̤̮̝͚̣͉̌̆͗̌̄̚ͅư̶̛̥̜͍͖̈̐̀̐̀͒̈t̷̢͚͎̫̣̰̝̲͂̄̀̒̈́̀̿ͅ.̷̧̙̟̗̼̦̖̖̆͌̒̾̋̽̚͜͠ ̷̡͙͇͍̺̹̪͕̰͛͆̎.̶̨̧͔͉̰͈͙́͑̽͆̈́̇̒̂̌̾̒̚ ̵̢̦̲̟̰̝̩̳̇̉̅͝.̶̨̩̉̀͋̿́͑̑̎͋͒͑̏̀̐͜͝ ̸̛̞̖̲̂͐̐̑̃́̈̆̈́̒̅́̚͠Į̴̝͚̞̟͍̹͍̠̀̐̿͒͌̋̈́̔̕͜͝ş̷̢͓͙̮̤̥̗̭̥̊́́̄͊̈́͋́̍́̂̒̇̋̎ ̵̢̜̖̪̩̝̠̣̪̫͓͔̯͙̌̈́̋̏̈́̚̚͝͝͝i̵̧͍̘̼̩͍͚̼̱͈͖͂͌͗̄̔͐̾̄͑̕t̵̛͇̼͔͓̬͗͗́̽̍̈̎̔͘͝ ̴̛̥͉̩̹̪̤̽̀̉̋̊͐́͘̚ͅs̷̢͓̠͎͎͍̱̥̹̥̜̼̼͓̒͒͋̓͆̈́̀̓͘͝ͅē̵̢̹̱͎͙͖͔̤͚͔̺͖͛̓͂͗͋̆͒͂̃͛͑͌͘͘l̴̮̹͌͐͝f̷̹̤͕̩͒͑̐̏͌̀̇i̸̙̗̟͉̻̙͖̲͓̒̽͐̑̈̒͜͝s̶̨͇͖̪̯̘̦̝̙͖͉̝̓̀̅̍̃h̸̢̲̽͐͂̂̀̆̃ ̶͙̮̼̲̼̻͖͇̯̠̘̄͌̊̂̂͋͘͝t̶̬͖̤̝̩̫̠̜̲̻̭̞̉͑͐̓́̍́͐̎̕͘̚͠ö̸̰͓̦͍̩̘́͛̆̀͐̎̅̏̊͝ ̸̡̮̰͖̭̤̙̤͍̜̟͔̩̱̓̾̅͒͝ą̶̨̺̙̳̹̳͎̹̹̹̜̳͛̽͋ś̴̛̤̘͎̘̙͍̖̬͇̥͔͉̞̾̆̎̆̅̎͑̇̇k̷̢͕̹̣̍͒̄̇̀̿̀ ̴̹̠͙͖́͂̒͘̚͝f̶̱̦͓̦͙̠̰͖͇̖̘̼̞̿̋̌̀͛̓͗̿̅̏͋̚ǫ̸̧͇͍̘̠̝̲̣̗̜̥͚̆̓̐̏͝ͅr̶̢̢̨̭͇̟̪̪͕̩̗̉̇̂̿̽̉̚͘͜ ̵̨͎̳̳̤̣͕̥̳̱̲̙̙̙̉̿́̈̍̃͐́̔̕͘͝͠s̴̨͓̲̘̜̺̦̼͍̺̓̾̊̀̿̒̔̊͛͆̂̕̚͝ọ̵̙̤̳̜̟̙͚̟̒͊͋͂̈̿̾̿̾͗̅͊̚̚͝ͅm̶̢̡̨̰͖͍͎̖͙͔̙̝͚̭̋̐̃́͌̀͝é̷̢͖͇̤̟͚̤̲̮̜̱͔̯͎̇̽̈͆̎͒̈́͑̒̕͠ǭ̸̧̰̘̗͙͎͇͓̪̲̔̓̀̈́́͋̇̽̆͘ń̵̢̧̢̹͚̦̲̤̞͓̫̪͖̉̃̀͊̈́͜e̴͎̥̮͊̇̑̋̽̔̏̈͂̑͋̚͘͘͝ ̵̡̺̥̩̥̪̞͎̈́̇̋̾̀͐̎̏̀͊͘w̶̞̟̖͍͒͋̔̾͋͗̐͗̌̕͝͠͝͝ͅḧ̸̲̤͚͈͖̰̺̼́̃͌́̈́̀͘͜ő̵̹̟̫̫̾̿̎͒̐͑͊̐̑ ̴̛͖͇̩́͒͘͝u̴̪̫͛̂̊́͂̒̀̑͆̒̃̀̌̚n̴̨̛̬̮͍̿́̿̑̒͐͜d̶̡̥̥͔̟̼̻̟̤̤̦̰̬͕͖̀̏̎̒̈̄͋̔͛̀͘̚ȅ̶̢͈̮̗͓̥͔͎͌̆́̾̽͒̆̑͝ŕ̷̫̞̝̺͎͍̰͛̾̒͂̀̎̓͗̈́̀͋͐͜͝s̸̡̡͕͍̙̙̭̦̣̟̒̀͑̆͋͌͂͋͘͝t̷̻̲̰̹͎̑̏̄̕a̶̰̖͚͋̐̊̍̎ņ̸̼͖͓̪̼̃d̴̢̻̯̲̜̏͌́̇̐͊̇̓̓̀̐̔͜͠s̶̨̧͓̜̘̲̦̱̹̩͔̳̟̐̂͌̑̾̚ ̶̡̻̮͔̭̥̥̲͖̹̐͊̀̓͌͐̽̿́̉͘̚̚͝ą̷̢͎̼̘̹͉͎̻̖̯̱̃̈́̈̅̑̎̿̒͘͜͜ ̷̫͓͚̳̯̫̖̯̟͉̣͕̹̈́̿͗̄̀͆̂̂͛̎̓͝͝f̸̢͎͉̳͍̖̭̥̒̉̄͌̆̒r̷̞̖̻͔̟͖̈́̑̄̑̍̓̂̇̆͛̀͑͑͝ḁ̵̢̳͔͔̺̬̹͉̈́͂c̶̨͖̝̤̩̘̫̝͑̿̈͌͌͜ͅt̶̛͖̹̱̤̬̝̿̑̀̅̈́͒i̴̛̭̭̱̯̮̲̭͓̹̞͒̉̀̌̓̕ͅǫ̷̨̨̘̲̰͚̳̦̰̮̞̝͓̆̿̒͐͑̄̽̒̎̈́̄̕n̵͓̲̲͇͑̏́́͛̏͝͝ ̷̢̧̥̲͍̼̮͎̟̯̱͑͛͌̾̕o̶̙̤͈̣̲͖̫̰̍̈́͌͊̔̀f̶̘̺̩͍̱͓̙͍͇̼̩̯̦̺́͋͝͝ͅ ̶̧̱͎̹͕̟͍̟̰͍̜͎̜̀̈́̅̔͛̂̓̈̿͜͝͝m̶͖̺̑̉͗̂̿̉̽͝y̶̦͙̱̳̮̲̞̅̈̇͑͒̓͂̅̑̕ ̴̘̼̘́̍͂ͅp̸̰̙̯̻̱̻͇̤͙̝̂̎̐̃̓̅̀̏̑͛̾͌̈́͘ͅͅa̶̦̋̈͋̔̒̕î̷̫̪̍̿̇̀̽͋̀̽͊̔̃͝ǹ̸̰͕̰̻̜̲̠͓̭̱̱̭̮̙͑͒͑͆̃̆́̌̒̈̽̈́̇͠?̵̧͚̫̜̟̯̹̬̺̥͙͕̃̊̃́̽̑̕͜͠

T̶͖͈̂̓̒͂̌̆͘h̷̡̛͓̳̰͛͛̄̾̄́̈́̂͝͝i̴̢̯̻̼̩̮̣̬͙̪͋́͘͜͝s̵͙̟̣̖͙̹͓͈̾̈̓̽́͗͐̎̾͛̈̕ͅ ̶̟̼̤͙̮̹̦͕̭͓͓͇̟̳̻͘ţ̷̡̹̬̟̦̣̹̟̝̫̓̋̕͜h̶̢̨͙̠̳̰̼̖͔͕̬̱́͋͑͆͊̏͐̔̒͘̕͜͜͠͠a̴̭̣͑̌̎̒́͊̈́̆̇̈́̇̕̚t̴̥̥̯̮̊̅̋̉̃̐͑̓̄̀̔̏̋̊̕ ̵̡̛̹̼̟̲̺̫̀̀̆͐̑̽̇͒̚t̴̰̤͍͚̜̙̣̞̼̦͋̽̑͜͝ơ̴̢̩͈̓̒͋͋̃̍́̀͑̋͒̏̕ȍ̵̧̧͙̯̳̠̥͖̠͙͖̺̈́̄̑͑͘ ̴̧̧̧͚̰̜̖͙̲̻͚̖̗͎͂̈͌͌̈́̐̆̑͌̈́͝͠͠m̸̬̭͇̦̣͖͚̟̟̍̐͂͗̐̈́̓̈́͂u̵͎͕͍͖̖̥̻̳̒̂̐̄͐̚c̷̡̢̡̧̙͙̫̮̩̫̙̩̳̈́̌͝h̸̡̨̺̰͎̻̙̭̓͐̅̍͠ ̶̡̧̤͇̣̞̣̺̦̓͛̀͋̃̐̂͊͌̍̇͒̈́̕̕ť̷̛̜̹̗͔̠͎̙͐̀ǫ̶̤̳̝̗͈̟̩̯̜͍̂̌͛̆͗͘ͅ ̸̬̼̊̿͒̇̂̇̑́͐͆̚̕a̸̢͍͕͚̟̿́͗̇̀͛́͊͊ͅs̴̥̦͒̅̑̀͌́k̸̡͉̖̖̖̹͚̙̣͔̭͓͕͊̏̂͐̈́͛̄͋͌́̒̈́̕͠͝?̶̨͇̯͙̤̱̦̰̗̜̗̞̬̠͓̀̒̍̑̂́̈̆́́͝͝

“Oh gods. Look at that thing. I didn’t sign up for this!”

“That thing isn’t an Overblot! That’s a monster!”

“We have to! We’re getting paid for this!” 

“Screw that money! I’ve not beating that thing! S.T.Y.X. and W.O.R.S. can take it!”

“Oh please! You know they aren’t coming! Those rich bastards make people do their dirty work and then swoop in and take credit!”

“Yeah, yeah! If we beat this monster, we’ll be famous and S.T.Y.X. AND W.O.R.S. will have to acknowledge us!”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right! We’ll be rich from all these Overblot incidents, we just need to get through this one!”

“Yeah!”

“Yeah, let’s do it!”

“We can do it!”

A̸̧̢͎̤̬͇̺̔̈́̈́̓́̒͗͑̈́̅͘͝͝h̴̛̥͎̙͎̰͋̒͐̍̓̅̆̅͘.̶̛͚̉̊̎̏̓̈́̏͗̆̿̿̔͘ ̶̨̧̡̡̭̱̞̬͔̦͎̖͍̎P̶̡̡̗̪̜̙̳̜̠̻͙͚̫̍͋͐̈́̒͊͜ē̸̫̱̮̓͊̒̾͑͛̍̀͂̕̕͝��̢̡͚͇͙̭̟͜o̶̖̟̒͒͛͗̒̕͜͠͝ṗ̸̢͍̱̰͎̣̪̙͉̜̿͘l̶̡̠̰̪̰͕̝͔̗͖̘̼̖̭̅̅̍̀̈́͆͗̏́̀̀é̵̬̣̈̓̌͂̑̓͑̐̅ ̷̯͙̥͇̫̈́̎̃̓͂̽͘l̴̮̬͙͉͓͕̖̗̺̥̯̐̊̐̈́̈́̈̈̈́o̶̭͔̬̫͍͘o̵̞̪͈͂́͐̇̏̄͑̈͛͌͂̾̈́͆̕k̴̖̥̪͇̍̈̽̈́͆̎̓̈̾͆̅̎͒i̸̳̠̠͚͕͚̭̱̠̝̟͇̒̀̕͠͝n̴̛̗̦͐͂̀̓̿̄̇̐̓̒̋̆̚g̵̡̝̺͉̹͎͕͙̯̠͐̇͂̇̉́͆̏̔̓̅͒̚̚ͅͅ ̷̢̭̜̯͕͕̠̩͇͇̉̓̂ť̶̥̗̲̣̺̺̗͙̙̭͖̓͜ͅͅo̶̧̘͎͙̹̝̞̝̗͂̂͑ ̵̧̛̝̻̪̫̮̯̤͙̟͖̣̤̺̫͋͛̍͋͗d̴̰̦̲̺̪̜̬̝͉̎̍̊̍̀̉̈́̿̑̉̔̋i̴̡͇͒̊̏̔͒e̸̠͐̊.̵̦͚̝͈͔̰̩̀̉ͅ

So I’m a monster to them? 

A cowardly traitor and sellout? 

Fine then! 

I’ll be the worst monster Andalasia has seen! 

Because none in Andalasia deserves mercy!

I̸͚͖̜̝̿̾̒̋̔̈́́̃̀̈́͠'̶̛̥̘̼͉͖̾̿̑͌͗͆̓͘͝l̷̖͇͍̱̗̼͍̠̝͍̠͌͛͑̅̐̊̅l̸̢̡͈̞̼̘̭̝̪̳̪̇͌̂͒̽͒̇̆̿̍ ̴̨̡̭̰̝͚̩̍͊͗̈́̓͆́͠͝͠d̸̜̤͂̓̌̔̀͗̈́̕ę̷̝̞̭̻̙̜̞̰͈͎̈̄̓͛͐̂̌̈͘ş̶̱̙͖̮̽̄̽̚̚t̵̲̻͈̙̹̬̜̼̻͇̗̟͕̾͗̀́͂̏̆ͅͅơ̸̛̛̥̼͛̆̌̈̐̕ȑ̴̪̮̀̂̑̈́͗̈́̎̉̕͝ỳ̴̭͍̣̱̘̖̲̙̔̇̇̋͗̂̓̇͆͝ͅ ̸͖̼̘̗̘̹͇͂ͅe̶̼̮̜̲̐̑v̵̙̱̒̌̑̉̈́́̆͛͆͋̚͝͝ę̷̡̥͔̦̤̹͇̥͈͇̦͔̣̏͆͆̀̓͒͛̒̾͝ͅr̷̟̼͓̱̘̘͒̏̎̆̈́̄͒͑̏y̵̢͕̤̙̮̜̭̤̣̎̔́̊̾̀̌̇̔͑͜͝͝t̵̟̤͚̯̫̺̺̒́̈́̾̔̆͗̅͜͠h̷̢̟͙̲̺̟͙̺́͌͂ͅį̵̛̳̦̟̘̼̀́̉͒̉͑̑̀͂̕͠n̷̛͍̮̥̏̒̑́̋̄͂́͘͘͝g̵̡̻̪̫̲̽̔̕!̷̢̯̪̳̩̲̙̰̞͉̏̉̊͒̐̈̐̌͠

I̸̫̺̍̋́͆͛̅͛̆͘̚̚͝͝'̵͈͇͙̩̫̼̍̉ļ̷̪̟͉͇̺̳̩̹̹̯̩̲̠͋l̴̨̛͓̤͕̳͖͎̗̓̌̑̍̂̐̀̂̄̂͠ ̷̨̯͖̰̫̐̇̓ḇ̵̢̠̲͕̥̞͖̝͈̟̏̑́̾̌̈́̓̅̊̆̕é̴̡̯̪̞̝͓̳͙̺̝̯͈̈́̈̇͑̃̉̀͐͑͌̌̿͜c̸͓̺͈͇͚̟̹͌́̀̀͆̃̂̍̈́̎́͠͠͝ọ̴̢̙̮͔̞̤̱̹̰̬̖͈̏ͅm̵̧̛̬̺̳̮̰̹̰͓͉̥̀͋̄́͑̎̀e̵̛͈̜͛͂̔̀̑͒́ ̵̨͖̜̼̈́̿͌͒̊͌̈́̋̌̕͝t̴͈̟͔̄̓̅͐͐̉ḧ̴̨̢̡̗̣̥̳̱́̔͊̓̆͑̀̑̓̔̏͌̈͛͝ͅi̴̢̛̛̜̩̰̺̦̙͚͑̉̅̉̆̑̅͐̅͊̌͝s̸̡̜̲̙͖͎̬̦͊̏͆̉̽̒̉̈́́̒͝͝ ̵̪̬͚̳͖̩̼͎͔̻̮̪̭̊̆̈́͗̔̍͊́̓̿̈́̔ͅw̸̛͚̻͓̩̭̜̯͎͛͛̄̔̐̐̐̾̊͊̋͘ỏ̵̧̡̨͓̺̲͇͙͍̪͉̥̬r̸̙̖̪̳̻̘͎̝̭̰̩̎͌̅͐̾̄͂͑̉̑̋́̽ͅͅl̶̡͆̀̋̾͊̀̓͑͠͠d̸̥́͂̍'̴̢̨̗̥̯̣̟̦͍̼͈͔͊͋̊͑͒̂̅̑̉͛́̊̀̓͘ͅs̷̡̧̠͎͖̰̟̦̣̈́̔̅̎͜͝ͅ ̶̧͙̪̺̹̗̟̫͕̭͉͖̪̓́̉͆͝g̷͔̙̠̺̬̻̙̠͂̈́̾̀̀͘ͅr̶̢̠̮̰̺̜̘̩̻̖͉͋̋̇̋̎́̎̆͑̂̔͜͠e̶̢̝̠̥̺̝͎̹̻͔͚̻̽̑͗͗̐́ͅa̶̲̻̮͙͈̥͗͛̔̌̄t̸̼̤̱͙͎̤͂̾̄͒̔̕e̴̺̊ś̵̘̦͉̲͕̯̀̋͊́̈́͂́̕͝͝t̵̨̡͈͔̲͙̥̳̯̖͖̮͉̑̍̏̽̍̓̾̾̑̒͗̏̕ͅ ̵͉̼̯̙͉̱̹̈́͗̏̿̊̑̇̇̈͛̌ͅm̸̡̢̫̠͇͉͕̺̣͍̦̗͚̼̟͊̂̿̑̄̓̌̚ò̶̻̺̝͍̙͒̓̊ͅn̸̫͊̈́̔̑͗̍̃̕̕s̴̞̰̮̈͋̊͊t̶̡̧̨͙̣̲̜͔̼̦̠̠̓͊̑͋͛̐̈̈́̓͊̀͌͜ȩ̵̠̻̩͚̫̲̫͔͖̖͔̯̥̈́̃͌͌̀̒̈̔r̸̨͓̤̤̣̯̻̘̫̳̅̐̽̀͊͜ͅ!̶͚̣͇̣̫̲̤̪̳̖̍̈̇́́͊͛̊́̑͗͆͒̕̕͜ ̸̥̺͍̲͔̩̥͚̠̦̆̏͛̐͒̿̐͘̕͜E̴͚͝v̵̮̪̹͘̕ͅȅ̷̢̲̗̜̠͕̖͔̯͈̓̈́̈́͠n̸̜̓͂̉͠ͅ�� ̶̹̞̝̭͚͊͆̄t̶̨͙̝͓͕̏̃h̴͕̮̼͈̺͕͔̼́̒̒̋̓̕ë̷̢̨͎̦͈̜̥͕́̊ ̸̡͕̦̙̪̹̲̣͎̩̣̇͗̉͐̈̅͘G̷̗͈̖̀͑̓̀͂̏̓r̵̨͖͔̲͇̭͈̞̝͚̗̞̳̲̚͜ȩ̷̨̫̥͓̤̹̹͚̟̜̳̄̌̏͜ͅã̷̧̛͉̟̰̯̘̝̣̘͇͚̗̄͐͂͐̎̌̈́̇́͘̕ṭ̸̖͚̗̤̞̠͔͙͕͉̙̻͈̽͆̈́̃̃͋̌̌̅̔͘ ̵͚̲̟̱̘̑͒͝Ş̷̪̭̹̯̭̝̳͛͂̈́̐ḛ̴̡̨͇͓̮̈̓̓͐̈́́͋͒̏͌̓̽̓̏͘v̶̢͕̖̻̺͎̎̉̓̈́͒̊̿͗̄͂͜͠ȩ̸̬̤̬̰̪̖̙̖͚̭̝̦̬̪̀̄͌n̸̩̩̭̤͈̭̬̮̣̦̟̞̽͛ͅ'̵͖̥͓̪͙̙̠̳̳̣̼̗̬̆́̈̊͛͝ͅs̴͖͖̱̋͗̒̔͋͠ ̷̢̞̟̗̑ṇ̷̨̱̼̑̐̔̑̌̐̀̌̓͋͛͊͜a̴͇͖͖͎͚̘̠̰̮̒m̸̠͕͙̅ě̵̩̥̞̼͙̙̙̩̗̓̍s̴̺͚̥͈̅̿͌͆̔ ̵̢̨̞̰͍͈̲̺̯͙̙͊̈́̈́̋͊́̈́͝͝͝w̸̧̧̮̙̯̗̰̥̲̰͎͂̎̈́̋͐i̸̛̛̪̳̊̈̐̊̓̄̋͊l̸̺͉̔̽͐̿̂͆͊͑̈̓̋̕͠l̵̟̜̜̲̟̺͉͎̘̪͓̖̆̈͒̓̾͂̀͝ͅ ̷͚̞̳̭̗͉͎̱͍̟̜̥̓̈́̀̂͆͛̒̎̓͛̕͝͝ͅm̵̧̥͕̝̳͍̈́̆̌͋̏͋͛̄͗̀͒e̵̡̟̯̤̱͍͔͓̠͖̱̤̎̀̉̀͛̽̌͑̉̏̏́̽͝a̵̛̺̪̻̮̘͈̹̩̱̤͈̼͐̇̈́̾̎n̷̻̞̮̹̘͓͋̈́̍͂͝ͅ ̴̛̪̱̼͈̫͕̻͚̑̍̈́̈̓̊́͆̃̀̈͘͘͜n̵̙̮̪̣͈̲̲͙̫̞̽̍͐͑̅͗̓͒̆̾̋̚͠͝ͅo̵̧͇̍͐̂̈́͝ţ̷͚̙̳͍̿̌̆͋̊̌͛̈̒͠h̵̰̟̳̹͈̹͎͕̼͇͉̣̪̑i̸̡̻̹̘̣͔͔̭̭͍̩̻̬̎̈́̓͊̈̐̃́̓̚ń̸͖͖̣̮̤̿̓̎͂͂͒̈̽̾̚̚g̴̢̝̰̦͈̤̭̬̫̞̩̟̩͕͈̕̚ ̵̡̖̙͖̳̮̯̫̤̼̱͎̺̟̑̎̄͒́͑̉͆͠͝c̵̼͓̖̩͎͙̭̫̼̙̫̬̉̈̇̀͒̋̉͜͜͜ơ̷̥̯͇̜̘͖̝͕̗͇̜͍̾̎̆͋͊̂̂̇̐̆̉͛̚͝m̶̨̢̫̰͍̗͚̝͓̥̖̠͉̞̥̆̉̂̑̌̄̽͊̔̉͌̊ṕ̷̧̧̧̘͕͙̻̮͎̣̥̦ǎ̴̱̰̬͜ṟ̶̩̹̱̻̤̺̩̱̩͐̎̎̆͗̉̀̓e̷̡̧͈̪̱͔̤̮̲̙̜̰͇̝͂͑́̈̅̒̉͆̚ď̷͕̹̻̥̠̹̏̓ ̶̡̜̮̹̣̗̰͖̬͙̖̮͔͈̱͐͊̽͋t̵͈̙͍͔͈̏͌̓̿͌̂͝ͅͅo̸͙̹̯̻̟̳̖̥̠̬̞͒̐͒̀ ̵̡̢̢̨̧̹͓͉͍͓̜͓̔̃̔̆̋̑̄͆̃̕͘͝m̶̮̥̬͕̥̺̠̣̽͌͝e̴͍̱̘̟̟͎̺̫̭̠̭̘̞͂͐̈̏̍̈́̉̽̀͌̿!̴̡̱͔͔͖̃̍

I̷̧̮̯̞̪̗̯̰͎̜͊̈́̍͒̿̃̉̒́̀͜͠'̴̯̮̥̫͌̽l̴̜̉͆͊̍ͅl̴̬͍̼͕̝̞̪̼̹̻͎̾͐͗́̍̋͊͌͑̚͘ ̷̢̖̱̜̖̙̜̑̒́͋͘͜b̸̨̤͔̦̜̹̺̝̣̒͗̈́̔̓̽̂͗̇̀͑̔͆ę̶̥̗̩͖̞̙͖̺̍̉͑͒̂̃̾͜͝ ̵͈͕̠̺̜͕͊̒̈̀͒̂̌̈͗̈́̿̏͘t̶̢̧̛̫̻̞͓̻̳̞̩̅̎͆̈́̈́͂̿̈́̀̈́̉͝ḧ̵̥͙́͐͐̈͂͗̓́̽̔͊͑̇́͠į̴̰̘͈̀̆̇̿͘s̸̡̳̳̤͉̥͙̗̳͚̆̈́̈́̀͒̃̽̾̓͗͗̎̓͌̂ ̷̧̩̻̳̬̹̺̟͖̫̩͓̓̄̏̇̀͑̔̂̽͠͝ẃ̸̢̧̡͈̮͈͕̩͉͉̹̭̳͆̉̓͂̐̽̓̚͝ͅơ̴̢̧̖̯̩̯̫͖̱̲̹͙̺̞̿̑̿̀̇r̸̡̧͔̗̺̟̦͎̓̓̈́́̈̃͘̚͘ļ̶̡̢̦͎̬̲̹̼̬͔̗͖̖͎̕d̸̛̞̅̈́̍̓͗̇͐̌͐̅̋̒͐͝'̶̧̓̅̓͋̽̈́͛̓͐͝͝͠s̴̨̱̰̤͉̯̼̥̬̽͗͂̈́̌̏́̅̈͐̕͘͠͠ͅ ̸̡̜̠̮͍̩̪̭̙̝̪̩̑̋͂̑̂̒̌̌͋̈́͒͘͜͝e̶̮̥͙̍̐͌́̒̏̌̅̓̈́̀̃͝͠n̸̩̪̯͖͊́͌̇̈̏͊̌̽̃̓͝ͅd̷̢͙̩͛̍̆̉̎̌̌̕͠!̸̡͓̲̪̼̥̙͇̲̺̑̓̀͒̕

“Hell. . .o? Hel. . . lo? Hello? Mrs. Desmona?”

(Hello, good soul.)

“Are you awake?”

(Would you like to go to the Other Side?)

“Holy Blot! She’s awake! Quick! Get the Main Family!”

(Your family misses you dearly.)

“She’s a miracle! Lord Blot will be very pleased!”

(You don’t have to continue the cycle anymore.)

“Ah! We are all saved!” 

(I’ve seen you’re hard work. You’ve done so well.)

“Everyone! Salvation is at hand!”

(You needn’t do anything else over there. You’ve done enough.)

“Ah! Praise Lord Blot! He’s given us a way to met him!”

(You’ll finally be free of burdens.)

“So, you’ve lost everything you’ve ever had and can’t bring yourself to express your feelings? Fine then. I’ll do it for you.”

[6knotty6thotty6]

So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck: 

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion. 

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered,  was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it. 

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it." 

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got. 

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it. 

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat. 

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes. 

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not. 

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled. 

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway. 

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you? 

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late! 

[not-that-good-at-breathing-in]

me figuring out my feelings about inside in real time

The first time i saw inside (by bo burnham obviously), i watched it like it was a gritty documentary about someone losing their mind, trying to be creative in total isolation. I saw other people react to to the special with concern for bo’s mental health and i thought about it for a moment and realized he actually wasnt isolated (he has a dog and a girlfriend) and he was also doing promo for promising young woman. After realizing this, I thought the whole thing was a fictional movie he made with a team, and i was annoyed by my own need for “authenticity” - why would i feel differently if the special was still the same thing. Now, I think its probably a mix of truth and fiction, but idk i still feel weird about people talking about it like it’s anything other than a movie. 

I also fear I am alone in thinking it’s not the best of his specials. Maybe it’s also the fact that i was an enormous fan of his like seven years ago, watching literally everything he’d ever done. I lowkey feel like his demographic has shifted away from fifteen year old girls (something i was when I discovered him). 

I also didn;t think it was as dark or depressing as people are saying it was ...? It also wasn’t uplifting in the way i found his other specials and his movie to be, but idk i could relate to a lot of the mental stuff in it but it didn’t neccesarily take me deeper into my anxiety or feelings of worthlessness. and i was envious of the private space he had, and the equipment, and the fact that he could just take longer on a project if he wanted without getting shit for it. 

As time ripens my opinion of it, I’m starting to get into the different songs more. One thing I can’t stop thinking about is a line in 30 where he says “your phones are poisoning you!” “When you develop a dissociative mental disorder in your late twenties, don’t come crawling back to me”. Like, he says it in a way where he’s playing up the fact that he sounds old and out of touch, but it also clearly is something he has experienced to some extent (if we are to believe the contents of inside of course). And I read Patricia Lockwood’s No one is talking about this this year which is also about the internet, and obviously i watched 8th grade and idk i am just obsessed with formal art about the internet and all of the ways it’s horrible and all of the ways its mezmerizing and the way you cannot talk about it only describe yourself in it, for the brief periods in which you do feel like you exist. That and the speech he did on the 92nd street y interview about 8th grade, where he basically says it’s no waonder we’re so glued to our phone when the world we have to look up at is this fucking hostile and terrifying

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Flake interview 2020-01

Not a new interview, but relatively recent, Flake with "Der Standard" 2020-01 before an appearance of Flake in Vienna (author Stefan Weiss), don't think there's a translation on the website, so here's a shot..:

Rammstein keyboardist Flake: "The reunification was a mess"

Christian "Flake" Lorenz hits the keys not only as a keyboardist, but also as an author. A conversation about controversial views on the GDR, fireworks and climate protection

At Rammstein he is the "keyfucker" - GDR jargon for keyboard players. His real name is Christian Lorenz, but he has been calling himself "Flake", pronounced in German, of course, since his youth. For a quarter of a century, the native of East Berlin has been the alien in the German rock band, the thin freak among the strong musclemen. In the meantime, Flake also hits the keys as an author: In "An was ich mich so erinnern kann" (2015) he wrote down his GDR experiences, followed in 2017 with "Heute hat die Welt Geburtstag", a literary autobiography about Rammstein. On March 26, Flake will come to Vienna's Globe Theater for a reading.

STANDARD: We are currently celebrating 30 years of 'Die Wende' *1). Your joy is limited, as one knows. How do you perceive the anniversary?

Flake: 'Die Wende' and reunification of Germany have to be separated. I experienced the change as a punk at the time. The ossified old concrete headframe of the GDR Politburo was also our enemy. We didn't want this idiotic regime anymore and we fought to loosen it up. When the wall came down, we didn't know what to do with the freedom we suddenly had. But then began an incredibly exciting time in which we tried to develop professionally, politically and musically in every direction.

STANDARD: And then came the reunification.

Flake: A lot went wrong from then on. We were annexed as a useless country, entire biographies were declared worthless, companies were closed so that the western companies could expand. We have been reset to such an extent that resentment and disappointment have built that have persisted until now. By and large, the reunification in this form was a mess.

STANDARD: If you look at Germany's east today, right-wing populism has recently had great political success there. A legacy of reunification?

Flake: Many people are disappointed because certain promises have not been fulfilled. But they already had the political left in their lives, now they are trying it with the right. Personally, I cannot understand how one can vote for the AfD *2). But those who do are doing it in large part in protest against the mainstream parties. It is clear that the AfD cannot meet expectations either. If the AfD were to rule, many people would notice very quickly that it is not getting better, but worse.

STANDARD: You grew up in the East Berlin punk scene. What are the differences between the East and West punks?

Flake: There was a fundamental difference: the Ostpunks didn't need any money because life was absurdly cheap, rent around 25 marks. The koney you made from one concert lasted over a month. So you could make the music you wanted to make and not just the music that sells well. Absurdly enough, it made us very free.

STANDARD: There were also IM Stasi informers among your band colleagues at the time (IM: unofficial employee, note). Aren't you angry with the repressive surveillance state of the GDR?

Flake: I'm not angry with IM informers in the bands. Because their IM status often made it possible for the bands to exist at all. The Stasi didn't lock up its own people. The best example of this is the GDR band 'Die Firma'. It was founded by IM informers. The gag was that 'Die Firma' ('The Company') was actually a synonym for "Stasi". Covered by the Stasi, they then sang anti-subversive texts. Almost brilliant really.

STANDARD: Do you understand when it is said that the GDR was an injustice state and that Stasi repression was a kind of terror?

Flake: I can understand it when people say that who have experienced it and suffered from it. But personally, I can't say that the whole state was bad. I don't want to know how many innocent people have been or are being imprisoned and monitored in the West. I do not find the generalization of the "unjust state" okay.

STANDARD: Would Rammstein have been conceivable in the GDR?

Flake: We wouldn't have founded a band like Rammstein within the GDR because it would have been the wrong answer to this system. We founded Rammstein because we noticed that our punk music wasn't getting anywhere in the West. It took harder stuff.

STANDARD: You have retained a kind of socialism within the band. Nevertheless, Rammstein is a millionaire company. Were there moments when you thought: The money could not only destroy our character but also the band?

Flake: Rammstein is a company where money fluctuates a lot. We have a lot of employees, we buy tons of pyrotechnics, we have a huge stage, costumes, our own electricity network, we shoot extremely complex videos. The money that remains private can actually hardly harm us, because it is so limited. We really have to make sure that the plus-minus calculation works out.

STANDARD: In your book "Heute hat die Welt Geburtstag" you describe the 25 years of Rammstein as a long partnership: It has become calmer in bed, but you understand each other blindly. Is divorce even an option?

Flake: Divorce is definitely not an issue. It's like a very long marriage: You don't even think about divorce anymore.

STANDARD: In the midst of tough muscle men, you were always the figure that breaks everything, especially in the interaction with singer Til Lindemann, who sometimes roasts you on stage like a cockroach. It looks like the traditional comedian constellation white clown and stupid August, Laurel and Hardy with SM components. How important is that to the show?

Flake: We developed that more by accident. We never made it up: you are the strong one, I am the weak one. At our first concerts we always stood around very haphazardly, then we started pushing and provoking each other. When I watch a normal heavy metal band I get bored easily. We always have something going on.

STANDARD: Do you sometimes long for a role change at Rammstein? To be the strong one for once?

Flake: Nah, I have other worries. With those couple of concerts, I can handle my role well enough.

STANDARD: Can you even enjoy appearances or does that only come afterwards? After all, a Rammstein show is precision work.

Falke: What do you mean enjoy? I enjoy when everything runs smooth and everything works like a machine. There are good and bad concerts, at the good ones we take off like an airplane.

STANDARD: Rammstein mixes black romanticism with black humor. You yourself love the blues, which often sails in similar waters. Can you draw joy out of melancholy?

Flake: The blues is the best example of this. Sadness and comfort go hand in hand. All of popular music arose from a problem of the respective author. This is exactly what you want to hear when you are not feeling well yourself. During puberty you normally don't want to hear "Walking on Sunshine" either.

STANDARD: Traditionally, there is also joy in melancholy and morbidity in Vienna. Is that the Eastern European impact?

Flake: Slavic music is very melancholic, on the other hand the Goth culture comes from the west. So I wouldn't really pinpoint that to anything local.

STANDARD: It is said that Rammstein did more to preserve the German language than all the Goethe Institutes put together. Are you proud of that?

Flake: Yeah. But the interesting thing is that we are regarded more highly abroad than in our own country. In Germany there is a lot of ranting: We are dull and foolish about Germany - complete nonsense.

STANDARD: Rammstein has always been compared to the totalitarian parody band Laibach. They recently played in North Korea with the aim of appearing subversive. Is something like that conceivable for Rammstein?

Flake: We'd have to think very carefully about what we want and why we want it. If that were to help someone, okay - but only to be able to say, "We're subversive now," that's not an argument.

STANDARD: For reasons of climate protection, there is an increasing number of missile bans. A topic for Rammstein?

Flake: We played a concert in Chicago once. The local fire protection was so rigorous that we shouldn't even have lit a match. Complete ban on pyro. We went on stage and said: either we are leaving because we are not allowed to make a fire here, or we are playing without. The audience wanted the latter, of course. And it became one of our best shows. You have to weigh it up a bit: should you stop all things like a Rammstein show for climate reasons? But I totally understand that there shouldn't be any more bangs on New Year's Eve. I was in Vienna once at the turn of the year, and there was relatively little banging. I thought that was good. Berlin is one of the most terrifying cities on New Year's Eve. There it's pure aggression.

Notes:

*1) i kept 'Die Wende' as the term for the political transformation in east germany, not sure what the official english phrase is

*2) AfD, short for 'Alternative für Deutschland' or 'Alternative for Germany' is a right-wing populist political party, often characterized as far-right, known for its opposition to the European Union and immigration

[snakeboistan]

Hi, still active? Just wondering. Anyways, thoughts on Rio and Karma with the crossdressing thing? I honestly think it wasn't handled very well, and while I can see that they would do something like that before they knew any better, I believe they would've stopped or toned it down a lot with the gender jokes (getting rid off the crossdressing completely) after they learned why, and it's honestly upsetting they didn't to me (still love them, just hated the writing there and that arc in general).

Yeah, totally get you. 

The whole cross-dressing thing is actually one of the reasons why Karma and Rio aren’t exactly my favourite characters. Like, to be honest, if you think about, what’s the difference between the way Hiromi makes Nagisa cross-dress and the devil duo make him cross dress? They both do it for selfish reasons (albeit 

And you know what, there’s a really high chance that Karma knows that Nagisa’s insecure about his appearance. During the Civil War arc, when he’s provoking Nagisa to fight him, he comments ‘or do you have the mind and the body of a ten year old’ (which is a total low blow, dude - seeing that his ‘ten year old body’ was the product of abuse (-_-) ). Karma knew Nagisa longer than anyone so he must’ve known how badly that would sting. And also, how come Nagisa seems to be the only person that they prank and tease to that extent? I know that Karma’s got something with Terasaka but Nagisa is the one that get’s a lot of the brunt of their teasing? Even though there are characters like Okajima who have more comedic roles than him. But no, change Nagisa’s future career form to nurse and ask Nagisa if he plans to become trans (no offense to any trans people, please no that I didn’t mean that in a bad way I’m just really frustrated in how Karma jokes about Nagisa changing his gender in a way that’s mocking even though the other doesn’t like it. I’m really really sorry if that came out rude, that wasn’t my intention)

And what’s bad isn’t just the jokes and the cross-dressing, it’s the fact that even after the ‘apology’ (that Karma didn’t even do), they still made him wear a skirt and then held him down and forced a maid dress onto him - and sorry I’m just gonna go off on Koro-Sensei here: WHY THE HECK DID KORO-SENSEI DO NOTHING WHEN THEY PRACTICALLY FORCED HIM TO WEAR THAT THING. He was literally smiling in the background and taking a photograph of Nagisa, who looked very uncomfortable and actually distressed, even though he met Hiromi, he saw how badly her delusions hurt Nagisa, how she nearly made him commit arson. When he heard her talk about how she wished he was born a boy and how she likes him having long hair and how she was mad at him for tying it up because having it down makes him ‘pretty’ and more girlier (he even brushed and did his hair for him when he saw how upset he was when she undid it) yet he still just sat in the sidelines and watched them do this to his student, who he’s supposed to be protecting and looking after.

I’m sorry but if you continue to do the thing that you apologised for then that apology is absolutely worthless

And I know people say that Nagisa never says anything so it can’t really be that bad, but the thing is Nagisa lives in a household where speaking up about his feelings means that he gets hurt. He’s also really forgiving (like Terasaka forced him to commit suicide and he never held it against him. And he’s always brushing off other people’s apologies like when Karasuma hit him during Takaoka’s debut episode - he frickin bowed to Takaoka at the end of that episode even when nobody else did) and doesn’t like holding grudges. He’s the type of guy to forgive and move on then and there and . Plus he doesn’t have a lot of self-esteem. He literally calls himself a ‘nobody’ when Karma left him and says that it makes sense for someone as great as Karma to not want to share the stage with him. And he does have a habit of seeing the good in people so he doesn’t really acknowledge the way other’s hurt him. Anyway going back to the main point of this paragraph - Nagisa never says anything when his friends make jokes and cross-dress him but when we find out about his home life, he actually says that he doesn’t like it. He hates it when his mother talks about how he looks because ‘I’m not a girl, I’m not a girl’ and when he looks at the mirror to see him ‘wearing’ the dress, he literally sees himself in chains. 

Also, can we talk about the other girls of 3-E during the Island Arc? First they make him stand in the front, despite his very vocal protests, then they make him hang out with some creepy dude that was hitting on them. Like I know that he’s an alright guy and that it’s because of the plot for the festival episode but what if he was actually really seedy and actually tried something with Nagisa - his dad is rich so he could’ve gotten away with it (not to mention during that one seen when Nagisa legitimately thinks that Yuuji was going to hurt him when he made that fist). Like, non of them noticed that he wasn’t enjoying any of this? Not even Kayano, one of his closest friends, could tell that he wasn’t comfortable at all. At least Isogai, being the gentleman he is, tried to make Nagisa feel better in a round about way by talking about how disguises are good for assassins - which Karma had to ruin with the ‘cut it off’ joke. I know for a fact that if Sugino wasn’t poisoned and was there with the rest of them, he wouldn’t let them get away with disrespecting his BFF like that (after I find Karma and force him to delete every single cross-dressing pic of Nagisa he has). Like Comic relief? Seriously dude? Because I saw Nagisa’s face when he saw that photo and ‘relief’ wasn’t exactly on it.

In conclusion, the anime did Nagisa way more dirty than the manga (if you read the manga’s version of Nagisa and Hiromi’s relationship then you’ll see what I’m talking about because whoo) but unless Karma, Nakamura and Yusei Matsui all give him a ten page letter of apology for all of the s*it they put him through with their ‘jokes’, then I will never let this go.

Sorry, this probably makes no sense or just looks like one convoluted ramble. I have a lot of feelings about this. And the fact that years worth of abuse is shoved under the rug during Hiromi’s ten minute ‘redemption’ - which is whole other kettle of fish.

And yeah, I’m still active. I’m just tied up with stuff and I’m a big procrastinator so feel free to send more asks if you want to 😊