#i do not repeat jobs my friend
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MiqoMarch Day 08 - Fav. (Side) Job
When she's not running around as Ninja or Summoner , Arsay's next choice is the lance. Being bestowed a source of draconic power by Midgardsormr moments before his slumber, and knowing how to channel the powers of Bahamut with dreadwyrm trance, Arsay's power as a Dragoon rivals that of even the former Azure Dragoon. With that said, she'd much rather use her polearm to hunt monsters.
#miqomarch#miqomarch2024#ffxiv#miqo'te#arsay kain pose pog??#an attempt was made#I didn't want to repeat myself two years in a row lol#do love playing drg though its so fun#praying it doesnt become too different in dawntrail#in my canon Arsay never does the lancer or dragoon lv 30-60 job quests#She gets Estinien to teach her some basic moves while on the road trip to drivania#one cause she thought it looked fun two because its hard to back stab a dragon without going full shadow of the colossus on them#Shes pretty good with the lance too so she does use it on that first nidhogg fight#then she continues hvw as ninja/smn#she doesnt have any of the dragoon part of the dragoon kit until she goes through the great gooble library with y'mhitra#where they learn about dreadwyrm trance and arsay discovers her surprisingly strong connection to bahamut#y'hmitra: wow thats weird didnt you say you werent around during the calamity how did you connect to him so easily#arsay: so there's this massive hole in the ground in eastern la noscea-#When its time to end the dragonsong war for real this time in the patches she picks up the lance again and enters trance mode#She does get a job stone finally after that#its a gift from aymeric#a symbolic 'you were part of the troops' type thing#oh and later during stormblood arsay does go through Those job quests#because of course shes helping a little dragon friend#and during the omega raid series when Middy saves her life just before he goes to sleep again he gifts arsay a scale to carry with her#a bit of dragon aether to tap into when she needs it !#anyways thats arsay dragoon lore thanks for coming to my tedtalk#WOL posting#Arsay Nun
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actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.
#hal jordan#empyrean posting#ok going in the tags because im not actually v confident in my understanding of his character. i read all of his 80s/90s stuff but forgot#90% of it but ANYWAY.#so much of him just does not make sense with how geoff johns characterises him and his relationships with his parents particularly the#parallax stuff simply because of how much his relationship with the guardians and their apathy/'betrayal' is influenced by hal's original#relationship with his dad. like at its heart it's pretty much the same dynamic in how hal blindly trusts and sort of idolises the guardians#despite their repeated infractions in hope of... something in return just as he had with his father and the abuse he suffered at martin's#hands. that's what makes his anger at the guardians make sense when it does show itself because the relationship parallel didn't stop there.#as with martin hal gets nothing for his devotion. he gets nothing for doing everything that's asked of him and more and it ends the same way#too: with a man in the sky burning like a newborn star. and you lose so much of that nuance and intrigue behind that if you just make#jessica the 'bad one' because!!! you cheapen it!!!!#the whole idea of hal is that he has his father's face but his mother's scars#(to me). in the sense that they both reacted to martin the same way with that cognisance of who he was as a man yet inability to pull away#because... love. both the love they had for him and the conviction that he did or could love them too. and jessica arguably did eventually#but also she didnt did she? because she held onto that notion of love till the very end. the few scraps she had she ballooned outwards until#they became the whole. but hal didnt have even that and he spent his whole life chasing it & running away from wanting it at the same time#like i think there's something so interesting to the fact that he had to be convinced that flying was what he wanted to do. how much of that#was touched by his father? the fear that he was already too much like him than he could bear to be? he already had his face now he had his#dreams and longing for the sky. how much more could he have before he began repeating the cycle?#and at the end he even had his father's death. burning in the clouds. like there's so much there and that's not even touching on how it#impacts his relationships with other heroes. not just in the sense of why did kyle clark and diana get to keep their close yet complex#relationships with their moms when hal had to lose his (although yeah why did they) but also just how he lets himself come across to them.#because it's on purpose right? that he lets them think his reflection of his father is born out of unadulterated love for a man worthy of it#? he has his father's job he wears his father's jacket he smiles his father's smile. what else are they supposed to think.#and isnt that interesting!!! that this man who is so committed to being good & just can lie so casually to people he thinks of as friends!!!#can you see how that might be his mother through and through!!! in how she might have glossed over the abuse to other people and herself!!!#can you see how in spite of it all he might want to be perceived as his father that paragon of masculinity and resent that he is not!!!#do you understand how everything he loves has been poisoned!!! im thinking of that scene where he tells bruce about watching martin die &#wouldnt it have been so much more interesting through this lens. how he is both revealing & obfuscating at once. i hate the change sm
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when i get a fucking job none of you are safe 💢💢💢
#thistle.txt#also my irl friend is going to help me try to get like financial aids soon. there IS a light at the end of the tunnel okay.#its just hard to see it w my eyes covered in fear sometimes. But there is a light... i know it .#if i repeat it enough i will believe it for real forever okay?#need an online job bad. anything i can do from the comfort of my home is ideal. & THEN YOU WILL SEE...!;
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I need the same fucking vibe and energy I had last year during this time because rn is not it
#I got so many hours at my job before and it was hell but at least I was able to earn some money#I got to take care of my friend’s cat and stuff#listened to bon voyage on repeat in the car while I was able to read 100+ hours of visual novels throughout the summer#all the while being able to go traveling too I actually felt like I was doing something with my life#but now I’m rotting away behind everyone else and I can’t fucking do one productive thing#it’s a joke at this point#I hate this#my posts
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trying harder to pay attention to yellows dialogue so i can write him better and. literally. love that thing he does where he talks like hes in a sitcom
( “What do you think it means to have a job?” / ”Yeah, what an adventure. Yup,we really did have the laugh of our lives. But still, nice to be back at home,eh?”/ “Let’s go see this real family in action!” )
#like it feels like lines from an 80s sitcom or smth#it reminds me that hes the one whos the most equipped socially out of the group and that a lot of that comes from what SOUND like#rehearsed lines that are just echos from what he hears from someone else#like the best example of that is the job episode#where hes able to mesh in the best among other people because he just repeats jokes and phrases#same thing happens in the family episode lol#and its like thats all well and good for how he initially comes off to people but i think if anyone were to stick around him long enough#theyd get annoyed either with that or him#i think we really see that with how warren gets around his brain friends#theyre very polite at first then he quickly gets so frustrated he starts yelling at them#but i do like how he seems the most socially competent but its clearly like. in a very surface level way#as opposed to duck who actively pushes new people away with his abrasiveness and red who does it accidentally lol#my dhmis postings#ANYWAYS HES GOT VERY FAMILY TV SHOW LINES AND I LOVE IT
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moodboard for me walking around my apartment imagining vivid and detailed scenarios where I meet and fall in love with various fictional characters
#all my friends are out of town I’m starting to lose it#all I do is go to my desk job i coke home I watch movies with Brad Pitt or Edward Norton in them#repeat#rusty ryan from the oceans trilogy is my boyfriend actually. fun fact.#using this to get over a situationship. don’t text.#op#vanilla coke
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i hate how normalized military is in the us im gonna rip my hair out
#i just. was talking w friends today#one of them was talking abt how he was almost convinced by the recruitment lady to join the navy and i was like. dude#and i was talking about how messed up it is that they send in people like that and catch kids like him#and my friends were like. you cant really blame her for doing her job. its her JOB like yes. it is her job. its fucking Bad#my best friend got all angry cuz his dad was in the navy. babe idc if he didnt actually fight he shouldnt have done it ��#''people get drafted'' you have to dodge the draft.#''thats illegal'' yes. this is a requirement for if you are drafted. you Have to just not.#no one said action would be comfortable nor convenient. in fact it is going to be almost none of either#you are gonna have to face that the military murders human beings and your dad is not any better#and people who its ''just their job'' to do it chose that job. and they know#''you cant get mad at the worker woman; you have to get mad at the institution'' no im mad at the individual woman too#just because its your job to manipulate kids and kill Arab people doesnt mean its okay#''not everyone in the military is actively fighting'' no! they arent. but they are helping those that are.#they are not complicit but actively helping. you have to do anything and everything you can to just Not Fucking do that#ANYONE in the military has failed being a decent human 101. being in any part of the military means you are okay with centuries of genocide#and encourage even more. its not 'just your job' you are OK and more for relentless murder and i wish you harm#anyways. sometimes repeating & internalizing the things ur parents say means watch our for road traps and the beatles are good.#sometimes it is US propaganda and just because it is in your own house and coming from a loved one doesnt mean you cant not fall for it#edit not to mention him saying this the day after aaron bushnell died. dude#unethical jobs exist. it is everyones job to bring them down#''its just her job'' was Bushnells sacrifice not fucking enough for you??? and the millions of dead Palestinians????? christ
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Stares at ceiling. At some point we have to admit i have 0 game.
#my friends convincing me tk get hinge was funny at first but yeah . uhhh the veros greatest hits montage is becoming longer#cute girl -> matches with me -> messages me -> likes me for like two weeks -> i continue to have no social skills entire time -> convo dies#rinse and repeat#also making me realize i am either only like 5% interested in guys. a lesbian. or aro. a wide range of options there but its gotta be one#its one thing to realize people are flirtingbwith me in person and not doing anything and another to know they WANT to flirt and i just cant#im sorry guys i find it embarrassing like what am insupposed to say i guess the kids would say i have 0 rizz all i cam do is send paragraphs#of text abt like whatever im currently interested in or my job if u dont have qs on that the no comment sowwy#realizing all i do is talk about my job and im not even out of college so TBH I HAVE OTHER PROBLEMS#but also being girlfriend less is starting to hit. its rough out here for real#v.txt
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zzz
#kinda weird for me... right now times...#mm... idk#i have no friends... no job... no partner...#so these days i wake up at 2 pm eat smth small and then go back to sleep (which means i'm in bed watching mark) until 10-11 pm and then go#down and drink some tea maybe eat smth if anyone asks why i haven't eaten and then go back to bed and fall asleep at around 6 am and#rinse repeat...#and it's really noticeable bc my sister talks to her friends at least 3/4 times a week and she has a whole schedule of who she's playing#games with on what day... and my mom and dad are super involved with their temple activities#my mom keeps asking why i'm in my room so much but i don't . have anything that ties me to this world does that makes sense idk#i just don't have anything...#that's why i'm giffing again lol#i thought it would make me feel better#didn't really do anything i guess#i'm tired heh... 😞#kinda weird that i don't have anyone or anything left#it's always been like this but#anyway... once again another reason to hate the summer#also not to mention my bday will eventually come around soon enough and#i hate my bday more than i hate myself so lol#anyway... it's just been on my mind... i wanna sleep a lot these days and that's ok i guess...#im tired ah...#dl#li.txt
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@unofficial-trader-joes
Explain why in the tags
#id suck so bad as a pirate it’d be so so so much fun#id be a horrible incompetent captain who only got the job because my pops was a feared man across the seas…#i rely on my childhood friend/right hand man to do most of the work around the ship and i act like im unstoppable#inevitably disaster strikes#my ship goes down and my incompetence costs me the lives of my crew#i survive and wind up in some coastal town#where i lie about my skills and how i ended up here#making myself seem much cooler than i actually am#blah blah blah power of friendship i learn to change and not repeat the mistakes of my past#i learn actual skills instead of just lying about my abilities#but surprise! my past catches up to me#but now i have a true crew of friends and actual skills to help me through it all#I wrote those months ago
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I hate when my friends post those "this month is over, post 6 pics you took this month and bla bla bla" because most of the times I don't even have 6 pics I took in the month that are not me because I probably spent the whole month rotting in my bed thinking about the worst thing that could possibly happen to me in that state
#Every month my friend does this and I'm like girl where do you find so much fun#No wonder why my mind is fucked up tbh#These are the things that make me go “Wow. It's really bad here”#Because you start realizing this is not normal and start going insane#I'm going through it all right now except the part that you go insane#But I've been hundreds of times before#I simply don't care anymore#I used to want to scream and throw things at the wall only because I saw a classmate going to parties with their friends#While I was dealing with whatever the fuck I'm still dealing right now#I feel like a bird in a cage#and things are getting worse#im growing up and of course I want to experience things and have fun without my mom by my side all the time#but now I can't even start going out because my mom is planning to get a job for us to live without my father's money#so our money will probably not cover all my needs (Idk if she's going to keep money to pay for my therapy#or it's just for the essential like food and other basic needs)#I always feel like I am using drugs to escape this hell that is my life. Sleeping all day and having aggressive thoughts#I would be starving myself by now if it wasn't for my mom and my grandma screaming at my ears to have lunch/dinner#I used to dream of a sleepover with my friends but I never had any#At the end of the day I will always be on the losers side#I say and I keep repeating: It was NEVER my fault#I have never even chose to be like this or live like this#I can see where this is going#Vent
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i am having a genuine core memory type of bad day today like serious SERIOUS things are going down and i missed a flight because genuine life changing events are happening and got put on standby for another which got delayed multiple times til i would’ve missed my connecting flight home and anyways it was overbooked so i didn’t make it on, and then now five hours after they left me at the airport im finally heading home and i was like “well at least i can eat the fries i bought that i didn’t get to eat yesterday” but my useless cousin who has not only been completely useless through this weeks long ordeal but has also been making things worse stepped in and ate the whole giant box of fries cause he “thought we were leaving” even though my mom clearly left half her stuff behind at the house and told him we did not make our flight so she was going to stay in town and try and get me home and also this whole situation (except for the fries) is straight up my fault cause i didn’t wanna get out of bed for 20 minutes when we woke up and like normally this would be fine especially since i went to bed at 2 am packing suitcases and then had to wake up at 7 and also slept super poorly anyways but i still have no self discipline and everything has gone wrong because of that
#i should be freshly showered and in bed right now having a good cry#i’m genuinely seething at my cousin btw we keep asking him to do the most basic things and he makes some excuse#and then it turns out to be a lie#like my cousin is stronger/bigger than i am so my mom wanted his help w the suitcases#and we went out for one last dinner last night but he kept telling my mom he wanted to go home and sleep bc his job starts early#and getting irritated at her when she tried to take two minutes to finish eating#anyways we went home early and he did not go to bed. we could hear him gaming and yelling at the computer til we went to bed at 2 am#and his job starts at 3 am so he can’t have actually been worried about sleeping#oh he also just didn’t go to work and this is like a repeated occurrence#and he didn’t bother seeing us off to the airport or wake up til like 11#when i called him saying we needed him to bring my passport and it was an emergency#idk this all seems like super trivial but my mom is straight up handling a tragedy alone#i won’t deny that i haven’t really been useful but i’ve been coming along everywhere on top of remote working from here#meanwhile he’s kinda just been at home gaming and not leaving his room#i can kind of excuse his brother who’s also been at home but he’s also like super obviously been prepping for a super rough final and idk#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. can you at least have some decency and like#try not to pile more work on my mother who is dealing with one of the worst things that can happen to her#and try to use your parents not being around as an excuse to run around town with your friends#while lying to my mom and saying you need to sleep or work or yeah you’ll be straight home (you’re going for lunch with your buds)#i mentioned something about how i’ve spent time with him instead of my friends when he’s visiting us and he was like ‘you have friends?’#i don’t know man i can’t cry in bed i can’t sleep cause they keep the house cold#basic functioning is making me miserable with the brain issues i don’t know what to do#cause if i go home im going to be in the exact same situation just#with a better bathroom and a guitar and feeling useless and sad because i can’t help#anyways i need to text my boss to let her know no shot i can make it tomorrow#which feels awful cause i was supposed to get back A WEEK AGO i had to extend i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here
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sometimes i miss talking to that one person who didn't NEVER turned it into a competition about who has it worse and never told me well atleast you have [x]
#weirdly i think she was the only one#my irl bestie called and was ranting about her miserable life and#it's the exact same thing ive been going through for years her parents won't let her move to another city#she can't make friends here she hates it here her parents are being overbearing and don't understand the importance of socialising#with people her age and they tell her to just hang out with her family all day and don't give her privact#like. okay. i love her ive been listening to her complain about how her mom comes into her room sometimes. and just#i was okay listening to it okay im no judge for how someone's feeling and my bad might be their worst#but then she goes like well atleast you'll know you'll get to move out after you finish your degree for a job#like. wow okay. atleast you got to enjoy 3 years of college at the coolest city in india atleast you got to have vibrant life experiences#and learned so much about the world made tons of friends visited a hundred places had a boyfriend#went to clubs increased your netword learned how to be street smart and talk well#i hate to be resentful ofcoursr im happy for her and ofc i understand this is a hard time#but like god seriously. she'll never know what it feels like think you'll live your life as you pass 12th because they let your elder siste#go to college and she had the best times and then suddenly you're 17 and they twll you well actually we made a mistake and we won't repeat#it ever so you're just gonna stay home where we watch you 24/7 and ww won't even let you go to classes that have somewhat okayish people#because you can't have friends because they'll distract you from your studies#and she'll never know what it's like working towards a dream everyday that seems so fucking faw away and unreachable#when you're not even good at studying and especially focusing because yeah parents fucked you up majorly!!#like im sorry but try being completely hopeless and alone and isolated losing your friends one by one watching everyone#grow and find themselves as you rot in your room try to do better try to find happiness but it's impossible it's never enough#and try to study for a really fucking hard course in the middle of all that#and then tell me that atleast ill get to go out after i finish#like seriously try fucking living my life for one day and then talk#god i know ive become resentful and bitter because of a thing in my childhood but i don't know how to stop#ugh i never should've picked up the phone i was studying so well before that#anyway. i miss talking to that one person who was sensitive and sweet and encouraging always yk#i miss hearing i completely understand you because im going through the same things (def worse imo) and we'll get through this together#man.#chappell roan was so right actually i hate that i let this go on for so long now i hate myself
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what are you sorry for
I was very sorry for just about everything back when I made this blog in like 2013
#i've talked about this at some point but it took me like a full month to come up with my tumblr url#and then one afternoon i was sitting in french class and i wasn't having a very good day#and i was trying my best to look like i was normal and doing just fine (though i did probably cry a little bit lets be honest)#but the only thing going through my mind was.#“im so sorry for what a failure i am. so sorry for everyone who has to meet me and deal with me.”#“sorry for my parents who got such a shitty worthless kid. im so sorry so sorry so sorry for being alive”#just like on repeat. for the entire class. i was just sitting there blinking aggressively not being able to think of anything else#and i was like. yeah. that's the essence of who i am as a person. i am sorry. i am a sorry excuse for a human and i fuck everything up#it'll be a good tumblr url.#needless to say my entire adulthood's been a breeze compared to that shit lol. so there's good sides to it too i guess#like it hasn't always been good or easy. but no matter how bad stuff goes i can always look at how i was doing at 13#and go#“you're nearly 30 and you're still alive. you have a job that pays your rent. you don't cry yourself to sleep on most nights.”#“your 13-year-old self would be so fucking impressed. i'm pretty sure she'd think you were making shit up if you tried to tell her.”#“you're doing better than you could ever have hoped for my friend. keep it up.”#herr's personal tag#noelleaxolotl#ask
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i think i'll be okay with having this blog just be somewhere to shout into the void. i kinda miss interacting online, and interacting in person always feels... idk, it feels bad and i don't really like it, but i think i'm okay with just shouting into the void
#in person interactions are too risky#like.... i made friends about a year ago now in genetjcs#stayed in contact with a few of them but now one doesn't show up to class and idk what happened to him#(last time he dropped a course we were in together but caught me before the class to tell me)#(it was because i am very predictable and it was an 8am lecture so i always went to tim hortons to get a tea and breakfast before class)#another friend just changed her major into my major actually so she's got a bit of catching up to do#and she's got a lot of repeats too so while i'm almost done with my lower division requirements#she's still working on them#and idk any new friends i make are either not in my major or they just kinda want to talk to me because i help#i'm getting so frustrated with being asked for help#especially without warning bc like i was getting texts when i was in a really bad mental state#abt the lab exam and i was just like 'look. i can't help you rn. i'm freaking out'#and i feel so terrible about it but i don't want to start snapping at people!!!!!!#i'm. not looking forward to next semester i really dont want to take ochem 2#(i have to take it. iirc it's a requirement for another course i need to graduate)#(and it won't be offered again until next spring at the earliest which i might be using for a work term)#(idk yet i'll have to wait and see if they're actually planning to find more HSCI jobs)
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i’m sleeping at night i’m eating more regularly im reading again i dont have panic attacks before and during work - after work im usually pretty chill and i dont have a crazy stupid dependency on weed. life got better and it only cost me like. 100 to 300 bucks per paycheck. like 100 base pay but 2 to 3 bc i usually hit bonus bc im amazing and hot. now i’m amazing and hot here without all of that
#personal#nah that weed or alcohol post made me think about how crazy i was using weed#had a 3 month t break due to not getting that job and not wanting that to repeat#and also broke#had some recently and it’s fine!#but i’m not insane thinking i don’t have any for the following days or specific days or my days off#i’m just like cool. grab that again later at some point#or not bc i barely got any work done the weekend i had it#but like i was taking anywhere from 5-20 edibles per day#my record was 40#my nightly routine was opening a bag of incredibles and eating them all and like#i’m still proud of this i don’t care#my friend who wiped my tears first time i did a bong told the group we were in#oh yeah i mean i know pot heads who do insane amounts but ive never seen anyone take so much and just be fine like graham#but insane the amount i was using for the entirety of my old job#like im glad im out of that now#weeds fine and i still enjoy it but im glad its just enjoyment#i remember talking. to my mom and saying how much i hate how often im using it but its the only thing keeping me from hurting myself or my#dad during the whole. thing#and also how for a while sleep gummies were the only thing that kept him calm enough to sleep or just. not be as scared#my boss asked for my birthday today and there is no polite way to be like heyyyyy#is this for a birthday thing bc i’d rather not.#i don’t have a great track record and really all it made think about was bringing my dad home#still thankful that my friends suprised me so throughly and that’s a fond memory but even ballon’s and a note on my desk#makes me feel queasy i’d rather just ignore till im home or actively celebrating it#it hasn’t been so bad in the past couple years but i guess last year made me regress a bit with the bad birthdays
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