#i do not know what love is
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The audacity of existence.
How dare you be concieved. To be blessed with the touch of angels, you golden haired goddess. How dare you force your reflection upon mine. The audacity to mirror me.
YOU.
I hate you. You are my purgatory, and hell resides within your dastardly light. You are the anthesis to my existance, my purpose, my life. Tormet me by image alone.
Do you know how much you have pained me? How much the mere sight of you, has distorted me? Ruined me? Hurt me? Questions your existance has plauged in my mind?
Look at you, my loathsome copy. You are nothing like me.
So then why?
Why does the universe kiss you gently upon a flushed cheek then heckle and spit on mine? Why are you the beloved golden duckling whilst i remain the unwanted black swan?
Why is it me who must rid myself of my body, blood, and mind. Discarding me of myself to end you? I have done nothing short of effort. I have given myself all to destroying you, to riding the world of you. Yet they love you. They do not love me.
We resemble eachother more than anyone else ever will. It is cruel a fate, to be devoted entirely to destroying a twisted reflection of myself. Burdened by both our images, drowning me in hatred made for both us. Yet you remain free, whilsy i remain prisioner.
It feels, as i seek to destroy you, i destroy myself. So i do. Over and over again. Yet you remain unscathed, bright and beautiful. Whilst i remain broken, left to rot in the mud. Helpless. Afraid. Alone.
Thinking.
What must i do? Who must i be to be kissed by the same light that dared to birth you?
Must i purge myself of all things to simply taste a fraction of it? How will i outshine you? Must I transform my body till there is nothing of me left, just to feel your light crushed beneath mine? Must i erase myself completly? Must i become you? Must i be you? Must i place my hands against your neck? My lifeless material crushing your ugly flesh to finally hear the last of your breath. Must i feel everyones glare peirce through my unending spine, wishing nothing but breaking every metal bone instead of me?
Must i take their love and desire and rip it from their broken hearts, forcing them to kneel before me and drag your dead light upon me? Must i become king of all things, living, dead and unalive, before i get a fraction, a mere TASTE of your life?
Is that what the world desires of me?
Is THAT what it takes?
my loathsome copy. Your existance is what destroys me. You are everything without me but i am nothing without you. Yet i am made to end you. To destroy the only thing, the only purpose i have in life.
You all look down upon me. Even my creator, cant seem to look at me without seeing you. Forever i am compared to you. Forever i think of only you. Forever i am destroyed by you. Forever i am devoted to destroying you. Forever i am afriad. Forever i am chained, cursed to this wretched body, reflecting you.
YOU.
I hate you. I loathe you.
....
What a cruel existance to be born, you and I.
I hope when i choke you death, you'll burn me alive.
#metal sonic#sonic the hedgehog#a mixture of venting#its a vent that works i guess#wrote this in a state of what i can only describe as mania#a mix of my own obession mixed with its#i do not know if i love him or if i want to be him or if i want to kill him.#i do not know what love is#i only know what hatred is#but have experinced kindness#i do not want it but i am told i must have it#i want to die and i want to drag them all down with me#i want to live and i want to kill everyone around me#i relate to this character- metal sonic. or atleast whateber iteration i have concoted from him.#i think i am just as obessed with him as it with sonic.#desire is a fickle thing y'know?#metal sonic is full of desires. i am willing to extract all of it. its the only way i can express myself. through fictiomal characters#its like i am nothing without it. much how it is nothing without sonic#who am i even i dont know anymore#i think im going insane#no no... i have been for a long time. im only just started to realize it now.#dont worry about me. this is a vent. not even a character analysis. take it as you will.
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Local PHD student at wizard school HARRASSED!! FOR SHAME!!
#laios touden#falin touden#marcille donato#farcille#arts#dungeon meshi#hello Im back again! to tumblr#also Im pretty shamlessly using beebfreeb 's falin outfit. I like it a lot I think thats how she is#delicious in dungeon#obviously influenced by some other peoples designs of modern designs figured Id put that disclaimer i do love those#i have no idea what the canonicity of laios going to the library is. like. he knows a lot#but i dont know if thats from books necessarily? jsut thought it was funny just pretend its this particualr libraary if that bothers u I gu
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Everyone loves FNAF music man.. even Michael
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#michael afton#dj music man#security breach#fnaf pizzeria simulator#MICHEAL GETS another W in the pizzaplex!!#I love doing these comics where Vanessa shows Michael around#updates him on everything new in Freddy’s#usually it’s changes he’s not really into#BUT THIS ONE HE IS#Finally the unsung hero of MUSIC MAN is here#he got all the clout#Everyone understands what Michael liked about him now 💜#Think DJ remembers Michael too he knows#also this is so wild but first time seeing Michael’s bag dead on PFF#bag reveal ✨
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My blog has become infested with angst goblins, and they must be fed with some hypothetical scenarios!🙏💚
#grey art#fan art#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin hotel#Hazbin hotel comic#JESUS WEPT THIS FUCKING THING WAS A BEAST#BUT I LOVE IT!#hazbin charlie#hazbin alastor#Alastor#charlie morningstar#angst#hurt/comfort#whump art#I know what you people are I’m one of you!#I heard your cries for more angst and I aim to please!#also good excuse to use clip studio more#I only bust that out for something special#now let’s do something else! like eat!
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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Jackie Sabbagh, “Having a Great Time Being Transgender in America Lately”
#don’t you remember when someone loved you without knowing what you were?#I am excited to do this for the rest of my life and be terrified#w#poetry#jackie sabbagh#when love became an act of defiance
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*Talia visiting Damian*
Talia: Damian, how are you? *glares at Dick*
Damian: I am doing well mother
Dick: *from behind him* *mouthing: why the fuck are you here?*
Talia: oh that's great! I see you have a new pet? *Mouthing back: to see MY son*
Damian: this is Haley, Grayson's dog, she's staying with me while he goes on a mission.
Dick: *flipping Talia off where Damian can't see* yep, he's so good with animals
Talia: I'm aware *throws a knife at him*
Dick: *throws it back*
#Dick hates Talia its so funny that he loves damian so much#dick grayson#nightwing#talia al ghul#damian wayne#robin#batman#dc comics#comics#damian knows what their doing but hes not touching that drama for anything#they have beef spanning decades bruce can deal with it#bruce: *walks in* *sees Dick and Talia in the same room* *walks out*#bruce wayne#incorect quote#incorect batfam#batfam#batfamily#dicks beef is canon btw. he hates her and ras. he is brutalias number one hater he wants her out of their lives#i saw a compilation of dick hating talia and i was like `its so funny that he loves damian when he lothes talia`#they promised not to fight in front of Damian.... they never agreed to not fight behind or over him
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John Cusack, the voice actor for Dimitri in Anatasia (1997), shared his statement on Palestine 🇵🇸 🇵🇸 🇵🇸 🇵🇸
P.S. He has been a Palestinian supporter for years
#palestine#free palestine#gaza#free gaza#west bank#free west bank#“if you're there - what choice do you have?”#john cusack#anastasia 1997#israel#israel occupation#israel apartheid#anastasia#update to tags: yes i know he didnt just do anastasia but thats the one that stood out to me i love anastasia#the way everyone is like ok this is super serious topic but ANASTASIA??? is so amusing to me pls keep them coming#also please continue sharing about palestine!!!! FREE PALESTINE
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Surprise! It's not Hazbin Hotel, shock horror... but happy pride month! I like this Mordecai headcanon (edit: I've since been told that it's canon!)
#sorry if he ended up sounding british here#i don't know if garish is an american term let alone a prohibition-era one#but I do what I want /j#also I'm painfully aware that the composition in the full image is terrible but I wanted to include my Very Funny Dialogue#lackadaisy#lackadaisy cats#lackadaisy fanart#lackadaisy mordecai#mordecai heller#pride month#ace pride#asexual#boozecats#<- i love that tag#jeri's art tag for convenience purposes
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He truly did.
#atla#avatar the last airbender#atla fanart#atla art#the gaang#sokka art#sokka fanart#atla sokka#sokka#sokka avatar the last airbender#sokka of the water tribe#kyoshi warriors#kyoshi warriors au#kyoshi island#kyoshi warrior sokka#atla meme#incorrect quotes#Daniel Radcliffe you looked really nice in Fleur's outfit#As did Sokka in the Kyoshi Warriors uniform#Let him be pretty. He deserves it.#Also that handbag he bought in Gaoling would go really well with the uniform don't you think?#He loves shopping and putting together cute outfits and looking good. That's my boy.#Bi Sokka is my Sokka what are you talking about#He's pretty and he knows it ✨#Also can we all agree that everyone would look awesome as Kyoshi Warriors? Yes????#You know I'm lost when I start using Daniel's quotes for ATLA characters lmao#“And I was crying and I was in the bath” will come eventually. That line screams happy-go-lucky Aang and/or deadpan Zuko#Anyone would do#“We love Daniel but he's useless” is also *chef kiss*#Which character for that one tho?
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my favorite fields of mistria boys 🥰
#fom#fields of mistria#march#balor#art#fanart#not much to tag tbh#i do like march too but balor still takes the cake for me#i know i said that other one was my last fanart but i wanted to doodle march he looks easy to draw#and then balor happened too i cant help it#i just restarted the game im taking it slower this time#i really wish the dragonguard heist plan didnt fall through#cuz i wouldve loved to have isa just go try and grab balors keys#hehe#anyway march is canonically jacked right#not as much as his brother but he has the arms right#appearently balors eyes are brown but i have no idea what color marchs eyes are supposed to be#they just look black#love that the children are always on about balor being so mysterious#so real let me join the dragonguards#the amazing thing to me about balor is that i just did not give a shit about him in the promo art up until i met him in-game#like i saw him in the promos and was like cool whatever ill probably go for march...until i actually met him
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CHICAGOAN HATSUNE MIKU. Specifically the winter version <3. (alt text provided! :3)
#chicago hatsune miku#hatsune miku#miku as your culture#miku trend#chicago miku#chicago#i didn't know what to do for miku at first bc i REALLY wanted to do this miku trend#especially since chicago doesn't really have like a Style in terms of outfits#its more a Vibe#and the vibe is tired need comfy#dude like a solid 30% of my day is just waiting on the CTA WHEEZE#love it tho#cta peak#homegrown art
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Happy 1 year anniversary to FNAF ruin!!
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#cassie fnaf#gregory fnaf#mimic#mimic fnaf#fnaf ruin#fnaf security breach#fnaf fanart#HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO PEAK!!#tbh I don’t draw mini like anniversary drawings often but#I really wanted to draw Cassie and the mimic again 🙏🏾#this basically sums up what’s going on in ruin#just the mimic putting on new costumes and doing a voice#to order others around to get what they need etc#Cassie doesn’t want to yell at Gregory 😔#and the mimic definitely knows that#TBH THIS comic truly kills me#it hits my funny bone so I hope yall like this too#love you ruin 💜💜💜
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Day 15: The embers are fading but something else remains
#dkbk#izuku midoriya#katsuki bakugou#mha#drawing dkbk every day of october#i love Izuku that is sooooo deep in denial he is oblivious#'do you know what triggered blackwhip?'#'.... i dont know'#yea sure you dont
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push my heel into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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