#i do like poison tho it could just be used as an out of context song for any abusive relationship ever and you'd never know

[defensivelee]

ok fine poison from habbinz hoteel is a six lives! marly song but specifically the live version on viv's channel

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 10

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

I am so stoked for this chapter! I've been really getting into the story to the point that I want to read multiple chapters per day (I COULD but I also want to be able to take notes- so I cannot realistically with the amount of hours in a day I have) BUT I will continue with one a day.

Normally I have hot drinks while reading, but I am dehydrated as fuck, so take this as your (mostly mine, but also your) reminder to drink some water.

Let's get into it!

Wait! Like three seconds in and we are starting off strong! How can Sha Hualing control Shen Qingqiu??? p213

Holy shit, even in his new body he's being poisoned. I suppose, theoretically, if there is a person who never gets poisoned, there must be a person, statistically, who always get's poisoned. p214

Shen Qingqiu (probably): if I had a dime for every time I had demonic blood poisoning me I would have two, and that's not a lot, but fucked up it happened twice. LOL

also Shen Qingqiu (probably at this point): "and this is how I was abducted and then became a qi sex slave for a half demon cultivator" p214

Omg also, the fact that Sha Hualing tried to plant a fake SQQ to try and appease Luo Binghe. RIP to her this time for almost (accidentally) doing it again. no wonder Luo Binghe is so pissed! pp216-217

Oh god. SQQ probably doesn't die here but it would be equally terrible and funny if after all of this, second body and all, like less than 2 days in, Luo Binghe just accidentally destroys SQQ. immediate end of story p217

Well- the system is now fixed! p220

and now shen qingqiu is wearing basically a veil, oh my. p222

(Okay unrelated but related to the veil, I desperately need some arranged marriage au's. I am so ready to read the heck out of this pairing when I'm done the books).

I have a sneaking suspicion that this man (SQQ) does a terrible job of hiding his identity. "he just had to be especially careful so Luo Binghe didn't discover that he'd pull off a great escape using the Son-Moon Dew Mushrooms". p222

He really needs a better name than peerless cucumber. LOL I can't every time he introduces himself. p223

oh no, baby Luo Binghe has been mourning this entire time. p224

You know what, I'm not even mad that Little Palace Mistress is in this awful state, she is a vile character that has not grown on me at all. p226

Yeah Shen Qingqiu he definitely did not end up with any of the women because he has been super mourning for you my guy. (not that he knows this because he is oblivious af) pp228-229

Oh. My. God. This man really thinks that Luo BInghe is asexual. I can't wait till he finds out. LOL p230

Oooo! Another dream realm sequence p231

oh and we have two SQQ's (again I need this fanfiction)

aaaaaah luo binghe has clocked the real SQQ p236

Okay okay, he thinks this SQQ is part of the dream and does not know he is indeed the real deal. thank fuck for SQQ's sake I guess p236-237

Oop. now this guys is "yes and"ing Luo Binghe in the dream. Oh gosh I hope this ends alright. p237

The head pats! p238

OH MY GOD p239

DREAM REALM KISS??????!!!!!!!!!!!!! p239

(AHAHAAA his face in the art tho)

LOL the system p239

Bro just found out why Luo Binghe had no wives and is GOOPED. He really found out in the worst of ways for him ahahahahahahahah I am CACKLING p241

I truly don't know how these two end up together with SQQ not vibing at all. is it Stockholm syndrome? like I genuinely do not know how SQQ ends up realizing his emotions for this man.

SQQ is literally saved by the bell in this one. p242

Liu Qingge is here?!?!? has he been trying to avenge SQQ this entire time? p243

Ah, Fuck!

SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED.

We have a kiss, we have a SQQ now trying to be sneaky, I honestly don't know how this man is going to stay hidden- if at all.

And next chapter we have a showdown ?!?!?!?

[horizon-verizon]

I liked the fight itself, but I was like: girly what’s the plan tho?????

Jace is politically astute and a great diplomat but he’s still a teenager, Rhaenys is going to die...The funny thing is even after saying that she cannot trust him he’s still going to raise an army and take Harrenhal for her. Has she forgotten he was going to stay in Pentos forever until she BEGGED him to stay because she needed him to fight a war for her ?

In F&B, Daemon kills Vhagar and eliminates the Green’s blockage in the Riverlands. The Winter Wolves and the knights of the Vale came down to aid the Blacks in the Riverlands. Reaching King’s Landing, making the Greens panic, poison their own king, and crown Rhaenyra’s son. Daemon’s efforts might not have saved Rhanerya in time but they did aid their son and his daughters’ safety.

I believe the sort of "trust" Sara Hess was trying to define and reveal in this scene is the faith that Daemon would not use his proximity and relationship to her to do stuff that she cannot fix or direct the effect on herself. But she makes it focus more on Daemon trying to rule through her and not him deciding things on his own/perhaps failing to do as he actually wishes which is to protect his family....as was canon and already hashed out even in this show's universe/writing.

Rhaenyra's reasoning is being put to question--for how she'd think to allow Daemon to be around her first 3 kids if she actually didn't trust his ambitions comes into question, and no Rhaenyra was not utterly stupid in canon. She marries the man knowing that he would support her and only her claim as well as be non-murderous or threatening to her and their eventual kids. The true story is that Daemon is a principal element to how Rhaenyra was able to garner support and in good time in critical spots of the realm--he was a good political partner as well and she espied that. So them being together at all or why she chose him (as the character she is now) is also called into question, just as Rhaenys and Corlys do not make sense together in the show.

The other issue is that even with Jaehaerys being a child, this isn't a world/society that will consider a child's death as reason enough for them to pull back support, or it's not an unconditional deal breaker. They may have some personal qualms, but many would see this as "blood for blood" for the death of Lucerys AND/OR keeping their oaths to Rhaenyra/Viserys. And especially what voluntary designation of heirs vs traditions over their ability to name an heir and that heir being able to keep their seats they way those lords intended. As rhaenin-time pointed out once, it's pretty dangerous to set the precedent that anyone could just accuse the heir of things and then carve out their way towards the seat not assigned to them. All this would rather motivate the lords over a child's death, esp when Aegon has another son to be his heir. Does that make them cruel and amoral, duh. But Hess and Condal are not actually being that true to the story/setting we got. They're acting like everyone is in this tightly interconnected, very tiny bubble of a community where the relationships between houses across the entire realm are very very personal and that their ethic system is similarly human-prioritized based as we try to make our own and it disrupts the logic of the story.

*EDIT* [7/13/24] This is not to say that child killing is wrong, I'm trying to point out that in the context of political support and Rhaenyra's ability to gather her own loyal vassals, that this wouldn't be the biggest turning factor for her to lose followers and potential ones, so the argument had to be about something else, which is was. *EDIT END*

It also contradicts how Ned rationalizes his treatment towards Cersei ("honor" over actual safety of vulnerable people) in the canon world, and don't get me started on how we make a double standard, as a fandom and reader, in how we praise Ned for how he tries to follow the line of honor or save his family by what he intended to allow to happen with Cersei--or risk happen--but suddenly Rhaenyra can't be the type of protagonist who marries Daemon for her own interests, love, to protect her family, etc.

Them and the rest do not really understand Daemon's character in relation to Rhaenyra nor the weight of all those social elements I described bc they didn't really bother to ponder over all these rules implications...they didn't even bother to really consider the effect of Aemond's kinslaying and the taboo around that (or some are just making this as immediately understandable to a 2024 audience, idk). Sure the court may not shame Aemond but there's the factor of them being in close proximity and immediate danger. And it still is in the back of their minds that this dude is too "crazy" to really follow sincerely....at least some of them. Which could affect the entire greens' standing and image.

Thus, while I do think that there's always a chance bk!Rhaenyra didn't trust Daemon to not mess up her own image in his own impulsivity (having some internal conflict of her own bc I don't think she'd be angry at the act to get blood for blood and still resent him for the outcome), show!Rhaenyra questions his hold on his ambitions instead of what he desires. We already went over his ambitions back in season 1 and he already proved that he wasn't with her or made a family with her to rule anything through her (so yes, his scene with Rhaenys in the first epi didn't make sense esp with how dumb it is to make him try to go to KL to kill Aemond...there's a reason why he sends B&C in canon instead!!!). The show should have really made Rhaenyra question his present desires and not past ambitions. Which is what Branwynwith of Twitter speaks to in their review of the episode.

But now, the team didn't think about how this would look to multiple different groups of people, thus, you know.

*7/14/24* I forgot to include that Daemon actually leaving for Harrenhal before getting their particulars and priorities in order, making any sort of plan as to how he's going to "make it up" or fulfill...not even him yelling out something along the lines of "watch me" concerning Harrenhal and his intent is insane even for him, this version. Again, does the show expect me to think Rhaenyra often has to plan around these events he causes whenever they fight and he crashes out?

[the-phantom-otaku]

What if Bayonetta was in Tav's place in BG3?

This thought has passed through my head once or twice, so why not?I can't talk about within the context of the whole game, of course, so I'll just hit points that I think are interesting or that I have thoughts on.

Just some groundwork: Witch Hunts and the War still happen and all that, just in the BG3 world. I think all of that would go down on a different plane of existence, tho, much like how the Gith reside on a different plane. Anyway, Bayo probably set up shop in Baldur's Gate. She still has guns, too, but guns are something exclusive to the Witches. Just another secret they kept hidden from everyone else. As a result, they're considered to be some of the rarest weapons one could possibly attain.

Anyhow, on with the show:

-Unlike Tav, she doesn't end up there bc she was captured. Enzo was snatched and she went after him. She managed to get him out of there but she basically took his place and got wormed instead. The ship escaped to the Hells before she could get off.

-Joined up with Lae'zel and saved Shadowheart like Tav did.

-Found Astarion on the beach after taking out some of those brain things. Tho she falls for his ruse initially, he's unable to pull her to the ground like he planned, and he found himself faced with the barrel of a gun. He weaseled his way out of it tho and she agreed to let him join them so long as he didn't pull anything like that again.

-Finds Gale on the beach too. Pulls him free with ease and allows him to join the party as well. I think bookworm Gale would recognize what she is immediately and begin asking her questions regarding Umbran magic and their history.

-They rescue Lae'zel from the Tieflings. I imagine Bayo managed to convince them, but she could've also just threatened them. I think they managed to get through this without actually killing the Tieflings.

-Speaking of Lae'zel, her and Bayo don't get along at all. They take pot shots at each other and insult one another. She isn't scared of Lae'zel at all either. They do have a begrudging respect for one another, tho, based on fighting prowess.

-Probably threatened to beat the shit out of Nettie after she tried to poison her and her companions. But ultimately, she agreed to clear out the Goblin camp to look for Halsin. Any complaints (from Astarion & Lae'zel) were met with the absolute fact that they needed Halsin anyway, and there was little chance of them sneaking him out.

-Idk if Astarion would actually try to bite her considering the fact that he's seen how strong she is, but since she's in Tav's place, we're gonna say he wanted a taste of witch blood. She'd once again threaten him but wouldn't throw him out of camp. If he acts up, she could kill him without much trouble and she makes sure he knows that. I don't think she'd let him have blood, but we're gonna say she agreed bc he was very pitiful and she did like the promise that he'd fight better if he had some.

-Speaking of that, I almost wonder if he'd fight even better or if he'd gain some residual magic from her bc it runs so thick in her blood.

-Everyone in the party would be shocked, to say the absolute least, the first time the angels come down to fight her. Gale's the only one who is sort of in the know about the Umbra, but even his knowledge of them is limited by quite a bit. I imagine she'd tell them to stay out of the fight, but with the angels gunning for them as well as her, they don't have a lot of choice. Anyhow, the angels are the first time they really see what all she can do bc up until that point, they haven't faced anything that's made her use her entire skillset.

I think that's about all I've got. I'll update if I end up with any ideas.

[mindrole]

You dislike Kazue and George Enomoto. But what's your opinion on Noa?

ok ok ok im so happy i got this ask...

i LOVE noa... in fact my dislike for her parents really does stem from that.

i think she is a super fascinating character.

she was born into a cult and homeschooled very strictly, with no other children to play with, even haruki was too sickly to mess around with her and by the time he was capable of conscious thought she already started to resent him. there weren't any other little girls in particular— there is no mention of her being involved with the affairs of followers.

in this sheltered life she's lived, she's made it to her 30s, but no matter how much of the outside world she could have learned about from books and magazines and tv she WAS born into an insane framework. i mention the earlier point about girls because the only women in her life that she had any meaningful relationship with were kazue and rai... just her mother and someone who was like a big sister or more accurately an auntie to her. her mother is her mother, and rai eventually got married which was a big event in noa's life... it's natural she thought "ok, then my role is to grow up and be like them." for all the shit i give kazue i do not think for one second she raised noa to think like that at all. i don't think it was on purpose that noa arrived at that conclusion, but she knew nothing else. she had two people she could try to approximate to and then fiction (stuff like princess sparrow).

since her life is centered on following hatsutori, the second step is "if i'm going to be like them, i have to marry someone, and hatsutori-sama is the greatest man i know." it's natural.

she was really set up to fail the second her parents brought her into the world. life is not so simple that you could raise a child so sheltered around so few people.

now i said rai's marriage was a huge event for noa, it must have been when she truly began to romanticize love and marriage and the end goal of having children for real. but what happens when rai is lacking in confidence in the marriage? even noa could pick up on it. maybe at first she could simply wave it away as an issue with rai's husband... but when their marriage started fracturing over haruki being experimented on, it absolutely disturbed noa's narrow world view. i cannot imagine being a tween watching something you once idolized spiral out of control and eventually look to push your parents to suicide. (sidenote: it really is so tragic that minoru likens his love for rai like a onesided love. i think rai really did love him. just...not as much as he did. i think she too was poisoned by the expectation to have a family, except it was paradoxically intertwined with a wish for another chance to have a family at all after losing her own so suddenly... something both she and minoru shared since they both ended up with no family at a relatively young age... but this manifested in entirely different ways as time passed)

and then later on she thought she "lost" hatsutori, and was being raised by the person she assumed had been responsible... then she mercy killed rai (personally, even if noa felt hatred, i do believe it was a multifaceted action from her that is absolutely a mercy kill on some level) its a crazy situation!! nothing noa or noriyuki could have done would have pleased the other!! its truly lose lose...

i am using this word VERY CAREFULLY and hope i can convey what i mean correctly, but i think that noa was groomed into a future prospective wife first and mother second by her environment. the only way it would have been prevented is if she was taken out of it at a young age... i don't blame kazue and george's upbringing in this context. not at all. i do blame them though, for involving her at all. i think that everyone in empyrean is a victim to some extent... even hatsutori! doesn't mean i have to feel bad for the enomotos (aside from noa) tho. i've said that before.

so with her parents gone and the man she thought she would marry also gone, i think she felt a loss of purpose... she was getting older, which is unfortunately considered to be a negative due to misogynistic expectations set on women (especially from a childbearing standpoint). she is both saddled with being noriyuki's successor and with the burden (which is a pressure unfortunately placed on her by herself that, while unfounded, is very real to her) that she has to bear some kind of successor. because her mother had her... rai had haruki... isn't that what she's supposed to do?

i think noriyuki did the best he could do.. he shielded noa from a lot of horrors in the wake of what happened in 1999 but it was too little too late... it really is the silent protector meme. it is better for noa to think noriyuki went rogue than for her to know that hatsutori threw a tantrum over theodore taking his pet nerd boy from under his nose and killed everyone, or that theodore came back at all, or that he... well you get it

but yeah, when you put all of that together i think noa's sudden impulse to try to rope haruki into having kids with her as a last ditch effort. i can only call her behavior in that moment downright manic. i usually do warn people about that scene when they start the series because it's a shock, but i can't condemn her at all for it. even from the base game it becomes obvious fast that she's a product of her surroundings.

i wonder how much burden she felt lifted from her shoulders when it seemed like beta was showing results, when jabuchi successfully became a host, its sad both were such shortlived reliefs. i wish we got to see noa and jabuchi interacting!!! she absolutely asked him about the outside world while pretending not to care!!! 😭😭😭

i think there is definitely a lot of nuance here and there are sensitive and complicated themes... i just hope i communicated my thoughts in a respectful way... i am not the most articulated person definitely feels over reals

sorry for the late response..!! im currently on a trip. i wasn't gonna respond for a bit but i found time since i'm laying here awake unable to sleep after taking my allergy spray wrong LOL

[trashogram]

Ok, more rambling about this Val/Charlie idea (bc I’ve been listening to the Poison remix) UNDER THE CUT.

Warnings - Discussions of multiple forms of SA, Violence, Drug-Use, Coercion in all forms, Degradation, Basically Enslavement, Unhealthy Mindsets, Peer Pressure, Self-Sabotage, Self-Afflicted Pushing Up Daisies Ideation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat applies to this no question.

If you come at me bc you read this and it upset you — despite the fact that I’ve hidden it, I’ve tagged it, I’ve explained the context multiple times, I’m adding onto a post that already exists so it lessens the possibility that it’s going to appear in a searchable tag beyond my blog, AND THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR MINORS — that is on you. I am dead fucking serious.

SO, hello 👋 If you made it past all that, welcome! The main points are here:

• Charlie finds out the full extent of Angel Dust’s contract/relationship with Valentino during the debacle in which she goes to Val’s Studio to get Angel time off

• Charlie is so horrified that she offers herself up as tribute

• I just need an excuse to have a scene like Ariel signing over her voice to Ursula but almost an inverse version — Charlie is desperate to get Angel TF outta there permanently and so basically sells herself in his place and bitch brainless Val actually does realize that it’s a good deal

• Time crunch happens — cue the dramatic lighting, the tension hooks, and Angel Dust screaming, sobbing, begging Charlie to not do this bc he’s “not worth it”

• But see Charlie is a powerful being, so crossing out Anthony’s name and writing her own isn’t quite enough to seal the deal and make the pink chains around Angel’s neck disappear and reappear on her own. No, no, she and Val need to shake on it. • It actually gives Val a head rush to have someone technically more powerful than him submit via the handshake and it fucking hurts Charlie to submit to basically being his property (and she actually CANT submit fully, but that comes into play later).

• Angel Dust is terminated effective immediately bc Val’s got a brand new shiny toy double platinum and he’s taking her straight to the top of his penthouse - work day over everyone get the fuck out

• Angel is nearly catatonic when Alastor and the Little Egg Boi who could find him (bc we’re fucking w the timeline) and Alastor is actually a bit stunned when he manages to get it out of Angel what happened

• It actually gets under our resident radio demon’s skin, not just because it’s exceedingly stupid to the point of ruin, not just bc it’s a huge impediment to Charlie’s hotel that Alastor is hosting, but because Alastor murdered men who took advantage of women during his time (and after). He has a fucked up code of ethics (and he’s also on a literal and metaphorical leash to protect the princess despite the fact that no one knows that).

• Vaggie and Charlie aren’t dating in this AU bc that would be too much heartbreak even for me dear god also they’re not the focus of this story as much as Charlie, Valentino and Angel are

• Alastor and Vaggie do come to a sort of understanding/partnership when it comes to getting Charlie the fuck out of there by any means necessary

• Angel is just fucked up. It takes a looooooong time for him to get himself together just enough to be coherent and join the crew to get Charlie back — saving her is gonna be what he “Lives for Tomorrow”.

• The Hotel is a gloom and doom mess.

• Meanwhile back at the ranch, Val shows off his new prize while interrupting Vox and Velvette’s work and they’re both actually in shock that this fucking happened bc holy fucking shit tho the princess may be a joke but she’s still the princess of Hell.

• Charlie is actually gonna be a bit OOC for the sake of not destroying her entirely bc canon!Charlie couldn’t handle standing her ground when Angel yelled at her — here she’s going to be actually quite good at convincing Val (and Vox and Velvette) that she’s worth more kept close to the chest than used like Angel in adult films and prostitution (this does not reflect any opinions I personally have on sex work none of this does it’s all fiction it’s all for the plot)

• Charlie manipulates Val once she gets what a pissy manbaby he really is — it’s hard to balance reminding herself to be both agreeable and relate to the pimp while being aware of how awful he is and what he did to Angel as well as others

• Valentino is crude, disgusting, uses violence in every form to get what he wants or just for fun, and initially delights in humiliating Charlie by parading her around in practically nothing and degrading her in public

• But Charlie is stalwart, leans so deeply into her predisposition to being kind and empathetic, that she irks him. She convinces him of things and makes him question himself constantly the longer he has her around

• Yes, they have a sexual relationship. Yes, Charlie does drugs with Val at his insistence. Yes, she pretends to think and act like him at times to appease him — abuse victims do this just to survive (take it from one herself).

• At the same time she can barely eat, she’s constantly puking and crying in odd places so Vox doesn’t catch on

• Debating on if Charlie is able to still communicate with the Hazbin crew or not — if so, she has to take key notes and tips from Angel on how to placate and appeal to Valentino (Valentino Must Die)

• But if you saw her and Val together after a time, you’d believe he’s changed her into a true demonic force to frighten all — her persona changes from the cheerful, overly optimistic young woman with dreams to a slave to demure seductress-looking time with that follows Valentino in clothes as ridiculous and luxurious as his

•In reality, Val needs to cuddle her at night and listen to her sing him to sleep and take baths with him and always fawn over him and tell him that she loves him as many times as he wants her to

• It gets to a point where Valentino imagines himself as the King of Hell with Charlotte by his side as his Queen — and Vox is so fucking weirded out bc this delusion of grandeur is enormous even for Val (but Val is convinced it’s jealousy and spite bc he won’t share Charlie with the flatscreen)

• It culminates in Charlie and Angel watching Valentino’s world crumble around him when she leaves (assuming Lucifer again comes in with the clutch dissolves it he contract bc he should be able to fucking do that, or Alastor and Lilith get to it before him, or Vaggie somehow reconnects with Heaven and convinces them to break this up for whatever reason).

• Debating on if Valentino gets to be tortured for the rest of eternity in a Prometheus kind of situation - dude is picked apart every second of every day for all time forever or if he’s just smited along with the other Vees.

Anyway, lemme know your thoughts if you want, or don’t. Thanks for reading if this floats your boat.

🐐🖤

Ok, this would be kind of out there but also compelling to me (and probably only me):

I really just want a fic where Charlie takes over Angel’s contract with Valentino and brings the fucker to heel. I think it would be so interesting to read Charlie managing to break him and bring him to his lowest, even if it’s thru perceived kindness.

Like I fucking LOVE stories where the protagonist changes a monster into someone who can genuinely feel love and remorse but the kicker would be that Val does change and fall in love… only for Charlie to completely crush him, heart and soul, with a “if only someone out there loved you” and revealed that he does nothing but disgust her and she hates his fucking guts and makes him (un)live with the pain and consequences and he’s never the same — until she and Angel murder him ruthlessly.

Ugh, it’d be so good.

[allhailthewicked]

Random JATP Headcannon: The Wilson’s and Street Food

Do you ever think about how after the boy’s death Bobby was probably extremely weary of all take-out, street food, and basically all food that he can’t see how it is prepared? Because I do! SO I decided to write a headcannon about it.

I mean my man watched his three brothers die a horribly painful death because they wanted to have a quick bite to eat. Don’t think about how he was probably the person who found them dying from food poisoning, in excruciating pain probably scared out of their goddamn minds. Don’t think about him clutching their bodies sobbing. Don’t think about how Bobby 100% most definitely didn’t eat anything for the next few days after the guys’ death. Don’t think about how he was probably too scared to trust any foods that he doesn’t make himself. But honestly, he is terrible at cooking that was Reggie’s and Alex’s jobs. I mean he can make a couple of Filipino recipes that his Lola taught him how to make like halo-halo, adobo, liempo sinigang rice.

Then eventually, he started to eat again, well not exactly, I mean Dr. Crystal seemed hopeful. But like he would go to restaurants with like multiple EFFING Michelin Stars and like refuse the food because he’s so scared that he might choke, or get food poisoning and die like the others. Like he low-key throws a tantrum because he is freaking and upsets the chef, but can you blame him?

Without any contexts the public and gossip magazines were like:

 “woah I know he’s a rock star but what a spoiled brat”

“TREVOR WILSON: A FOOD SNOB?!?!”

 “I Can’t Believe (It’s Not Butter sorry back to the headcannon lol) That This Rising Star Threw His Soup at the Chef a Michelin Star Restaurant”

(It was completely by accident btw!!! The matching friendship ring with the guys fell in the soup and he didn’t want to lose another part of his friends. So he started to rush to the bathroom with the soup to find the ring and fix it. .....and the chef just happened to be right behind.....and the gazpacho just happened to spill all over him. But he did get the ring so..... that’s good!!! But he also cried a bunch washing the tomato off of it tho)

Rose started to swing by his house every couple of days with bags full of ingredients and she checks in with him as she is making classic Puerto Rican comfort foods. She quickly realized that his vegetarianism wasn’t a lie and adjusted the recipes that she grew up with to suit his needs. Rose also realizes that if Bobby doesn’t know how a certain food is made and if he can’t see all the ingredients that went into it then he would refuse to eat it. So she fell into a pattern where she would cook at his mansion as he looks over her shoulder seeing how she make the dishes, sadly laughing at the terrible dad jokes she makes. (The jokes remind him of the one Reggie use to make)

Rose “The Queen of Meal Prepping Before Meal Prepping was Popular” makes enough food the next couple of days. Together they would sit down together to enjoy a meal. Rose just tells him it was to  make sure that she made the recipe correctly. But really it was to ease his anxiety about eating and to prove that the food isn’t poison. However, deep down it was to also show him that it is okay to make new friends and the boys probably would have wanted him to at least try to move on a little. Quickly Rose discovered that his favorite dishes are arroz con gandules (basically white rice with peas and olives), mofongo (think like mashed potatoes but with plantains), and some many pasteles and empanadas. And even after Julie and Carrie were born they have family dinners once per week that Rose cooked.

Well I mean until her chemo started of course because that when the roles started to reverse..... (but I’ve given y’all enough angst today, so that’s a story for another time)

I mean at some point he probably had to learn how to cook for himself and Carrie or at the very least he goes to a restaurant that personally shows him how the food is prepared/ he can see most of the steps on how it is prepared. Like one time The number of professional chefs my manz personally knows is ridiculous!!! I mean once he became FILTHY LIKE DIRTY LIKE I WOULD EAT HIM rich he definitely got a personal chef to either meal prep or cooks meals for both him and Carrie.

Bobby had one of the worst anxiety attacks of his life (I mean other than when he found out the guys died) when Carrie was 7. She went to Flynn’s birthday party at an arcade and found out that she ate cheese pizza and hot dogs (I mean Lukie, Lexington, and Reg died from street glizzies for fuck’s sake). Sobbing he called Rose freaking out as he drove Carrie (who was blissfully ignorant singing along to the Kidz Bop CD she got from the party favor) to the ER. “Rose I can’t lose another person who I love” Rose right before she had to perform at a gig she convinced him to turn around and go back home.

This is @iamthefryiestfrench-blog genius idea and I love it so, so much but Carrie and Bobby definitely started to cook dinner together like a couple times a week as Father-Daughter bonding time. Well until Carrie started to get super busy with Dirty Candy and before Trevor started touring again at that point they started to drift away. Fights started to happen more frequently. Carrie started to get more and more take-out to spite Trevor, but she didn’t realize that Trevor stopped eating again. A major fight erupted after Trevor passed out from hunger a couple of weeks after the Orphuem concert.

 “Carrie sweetie it is NOT DRUGS”

“Then why did I walk in to you knocked out on the floor” 

“I just hadn’t had time to eat today mahal”

“Dad do not lie to me! I cannot lose another person who I love. I can’t Dad. I’m going to call Dr. Crystal!!!”

And that was when the truth was revealed...

Carrie’s channel is slowly started to be sponsored by hello fresh, cookunity, or blue apron every single week without fail. Both of them wouldn’t admit it, but this was her offering the olive branch and Trevor took it IMMEDIATELY. (He missed cooking with his little girl). And in the sponsorship ad you would see Trevor cooking a meal with his hair in little pigtails with pink scrunchies.

Of course, they get the vegetarian meals and if you use here promo code “DIRTYCANDI10” then you can get up to 10 meals for free!!! So thank you so much Hello Fresh for sponsering today’s video!!!

It took almost 25 years but cooking with Carrie again made things feel almost alright again and that’s all Bobby could have asked for.

A/N: Hi! Thanks for reading this it was really fun to write :) (because I love to write pain lmao) But please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist down below by either replying to this post, reblogging this post, or sending me an ask! I would appreciate reblogs and feedback because I love reading your guy's comments and tags they seriously make my day but it's fine if you don't want to :)!!!

~✨My Taglist is Under the Cut Lol✨~

@poppin-peters, @sunset-bobby, @theobligatedklutz, @soupforfree, @iamthefryiestfrench-blog

[garbage--account]

Bestie,

Don't worry about the signification of "bad/worst hc". I meant by that heacannons you have, you don't know why you ended thinking that (according to cannon, characterization, ....), but it lives rent free in your head anyway. So you answered perfectly to my question 😊😇

Don't worry about context either : it is part of the fun to discover very original/weird/out of pocket hc, so we can either agree, relate, debate or just have a good laugh 🤣 As long as the fandom lives. Each person = different lore.

I imagine a interview where Gouenji only has to answer by yes or no to very specific questions, and press must make an article with the few they got from scratch and Gouenji's like "but i didn't say that"

As promised, i have the honor to present you my worst headcanons :

TW : novel-lenght post in a language that is not my mother's

Haru : since VR's not out yet 😡 we can only imagine what it would be about, and boy do my brain is going wild🤯 (see on my blog, it's funny). "Worst" hc 'cause the chances of me being wrong are great.

He has a big sis, that i have imagined all his life and daily life, the chaotic dynamic with Haru, friends she hangs out with and activities and that i ship with those. Basically a headcanon on a character that we don't know anything became an oc that have its own headcanons, as more ocs goes with it, it suddenly became its own spinoff, so i can ship oc without another oc, and suddenly we are beyond the original media. Fantastic (might post it about it later)

He is often compared of his father, because they look so much like each other and both plays soccer and are passionate about it. It sets him off because he is not his father and people expect of him to follow the same path. He wants to be his own person doin' his own shit and people are like "your father would have never done that" or "i didn't knew Endou was okay with that" or "your dad would be ashamed of you if he knew you did that". And Haru's like "can i live my life pls? Can i be not the same as him? Can i not be my dad? What do you know about him?".

Even tho he has the same blood and passion for soccer that Endou, he has a much different personality : calm, studious, sometimes cold, ambitious, he uses his leadership and emotional intelligence to achieve his goal to be greater that his dad (so people could at last leave him be). He is not a tactician tho. However, he can get angry easily and is downright scary when lashing out (nicknamed the "monster" for this reason)

His personality makes him to be percieved as a villain. However, we can often see him having beef with his sis in the most stupid ways possible, doing the most stupid shits, and it is often because of fighting over food. He is actually very immature and silly but rivals doesn't necessarily know it. He can lead well his team because he almost loses every arguments with her, so he prepare better to face others.

Childhood friend with Unmei (obviously) but in a cold term with him nowadays. He didn't apologies for smth and now Unmei hates him. Haru says it is part because/thanks of him he became smarter (since his sis is pretty silly too)

The most chaotic family ever, it gave Natsumi wrinckles. Ever dad can't keep up lol

Has other interests than football (like it is not a hyperfixation what), thanks to his sis that never played it and changes hobby every new moon.

Probably associated with [main villain]

Plays as a libero : didn't wanted to be a gk like his dad. Irony is Endou also played as a libero

Unmei :

Had this "always sick kid" childhood. At first, he could play soccer, but something happened one match. Since then, he didn't manage to be able to play again.

Turns out it is his mom who is purposely ruining his health this whole time, through food poisoning most of the time. (I think it is called munchausen by proxy syndrom)

Mom was the dad side-chick btw

It was only recently that he figured out what his mom was doing to him : one day, his stepsiblings met him and told him about the dad worries and atempt to have the custody (he wasn't legally allowed to contact or be in his presence). Since then, he pretends to eat the poisoned food and to be still sickly so his mom doesn't know he knows

Was always kinda jaleous of Haru's : the fact that Haru never apologized for what he done is just an excuse to not see him again

In the past, Haru would often eat at Unmei's flat and eat dinner with them. He noticed the thing but the mom noticed he noticed, so mom didn't want Unmei to see Haru anymore

Unmei can be so manipulative omg

Nagumohara as a soccer team :

After a drama with the goalie , Shisendo decided he had enough of that team and enrolled in their next opponent. Needing a goalie asap, they purchased a love doll, they named it Ai and made it stand in the goal post. Shisendo didn't liked that.... After the match, drama is cleared, Shisendo joined again Nagumohara and kept Ai in the team. Shinohara sleeps with her in her bed, often have girls night and her parents doesn't know at this point how to react with this. She becomes more and more ratchet along the soccer team's misadventures and is giving weird barbie vibes at the end.

Constant bickering

They learned soon that Unmei was quite manipulative and mischievous and so they would not trust him when they had to

Shinohara and Sakurazaki = besties 🤩

Kyushu city (where VR will happen, YES I HAVE HEADCANONS ON LOCATIONS AND I AM AS FLABERGASTED AS YOU, it is a fictional city btw) : Population = 55 % of monks and nuns (because they all wanted to escape the police or the FBI or smth). Sakka isn't welcomed 'cause hissatsus/kenshin/souls = dark magic = haram. Tenma and Shinsuke are among them and the first started a cult while supposed to serve his god so he can speak to sakka and make profit lmao

Costail (Little gigantes's country) : basically floptropica 💅🤩😻🏝 For the FFI in liocott, they broadcast an ad for tourist to come visit the country LET'S GAURR (the result looks like a youtube poop).

Aphrodi (oh boi Level 5 did a serious mistake not givin him backstory 💀💀💀) : when he was a baby, the nanny got distracted for 2 seconds and the infant was stolen. Got stuck for years in human trafficking. The traffickers posted videos of children they captured on the dark web and ppl payed. Police eventually catched the traffick and put the kids in hospital. Since he's fucked up and hospital treated him well while never been before, he somehow thought that he ascended to godhood (the god aqua Kageyama discretly injected to him didn't helped). Btw the rest of Zeus team was also from the human traffick. Before police could find their original family, they were abduced by Kageyama to continue the Project Z. By the time of the final, Police found the family and dragged them to the match. Once it ended, Aphrodi collapsed and was brought again to hospital. There he could meet his family for the first time, but didn't recognize them and screamed that it was impossible that he has a family 'cause he's a god and gods aren't birthed like humans (he believes he spawned in existence at some point). Since then, he must live with a family that are strangers to him and feels like being held in hostage.

I'll stop here for today. What do you think?

Btw, tell me about you bestie💅💅💅

Bestieeeeee 😻,

What is your worst IE headcannons?

I'll tell mine back 💅💅💅

I may be too out-of-touch from the fandom to know what people would consider bad and worst but I do have some that others may have an issue with! AND I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK YOU ABOUT HEADCANONS TOO, BUT YOU GOT ME FIRST! AND I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW YOURS VERY MUCH!! (although I haven't watched most of ares and orion so i may not understand some for now, I would love to hear them still!!)

This ended up a long post, I'm making this cut...

I'll start with a tame one (may also be really boring), but this one needs my other hcs for anyone to understand the actual one I want to share. Here's a "brief" list of the others (happened between og series and inago):

Gouenji has unparallel knowledge of ALL Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, and Ghibli movies and will defend the female characters with his life. (This is why I thought he probably knows MLP as I said on the last ask)

He's not a fan of social media and does not use anything outside of inalink and private messaging. Not bcs he's cool, he just doesn't understand them. Much like in honosuto with the laptop, initially with inatube, and him always forgetting his useless phone.

Yuuka convinced him to make an inatter (twitter) and inagram account bcs she does not want anyone to steal the @ and that she also wants to be able to tag him on her posts (and of his teammates/friends) so they can keep the memories. He saves all the pictures he gets tagged in and sometimes prints them out to keep in an album he designed (he's very good w crafts). I still can't believe honosuto came up with those social media names (except for inagram)

He only cared about the bare minimum use of social media so he only ever retweets in inatter (never made his own tweet ever; but he does reply on some that addresses him) and only posts his creations on inagram with no caption or a few words about what he made (made takoyaki, felted a bunny, crocheted a penguin, made cupcakes, etc.).

He only has three kinds of inatter rts: about soccer, about making art, and tweets of his friends and family. Yuuka made his bio in both of them. He also became good at taking pictures of his creations thanks to Yuuka.

However, he is mildly updated with internet language bcs that's all he hears from his sister and her friends and from his own friends in the group chat that he only talks in when he's mentioned. He assimilated most of the phrases they use in chats.

Having said all this, he almost has no social media presence. You're lucky to see his page updated after two weeks. He doesn't reply with strangers either unless it's a kid who loves or interested in soccer.

He also doesn't share much in interviews. Very bare minimum of answering questions and always answers in short sentences and just poses for the camera shortly before he bounces. His favorite answer to questions is "oh that's private" not bcs it's private but bcs he doesn't want to talk that long unless youre asking him about his opinion on human rights-- something that his agent and/or soccer club prevented the press from ever asking him again (an hc drop another time). But anyway, he always had strong opinions and doesnt hold back in expressing them (og series and inago) and that's trouble for the club sponsors so they make a lot of effort on stopping anybody from having the opportunity of asking him anything outside of his personal and athlete life.

And the last context here is that Gouenji is autistic, but we already know that.

Okay so now time for the actual bad HC I want to share... which is how Gouenji came out as bisexual to the public

This started with an inatter thread of a person criticizing Anna (Frozen) for her actions in the first movie that reached Gouenji's timeline. Gouenji answers with 7 tweets worth of respectful paragraph of why Anna shouldn't be criticized bcs of how she was brought up, bcs of her isolation, and bcs of her grief, etc. So, everybody lost their mind, etc etc. AND NOW, at the midst of all this, a soccer fan asked him the question below that he answered without thinking much about:

This blew up and his notifications gets flooded with questions about his sexuality and questionable taste that he really didn't mind answering if it wasn't blowing up his phone.

He was out with everyone in his circle that he forgot the world didn't know he's bi. So, he fixed that by tweeting "yes, im bisexual" on his timeline. He logs out and then decided to wait a few months before logging in again.

This didn't sound as fun as I amped it up to be but I think it's a terribly bland HC that I find kind of funny

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT ASK!! I VERY MUCH WANT TO HEAR YOURS!!!

[sunder-soul]

you make most of it up? That's amazing. Could you maybe share your method/thinking/resources for someone who also wants to write believable class stuff in the hp fandom? Thank u very much

Yayaya sure!

Short answer:

So I'll pull details from the HP wiki, and if I need a random plant name or potion ingredient and can't be fucked making one up (or I don't need it to be something symbolic etc) I often use this random generator and either use those names straight out, or tweak them a bit before using them.

Long answer:

Well I'm a huge fan of soft worldbuilding (where you don't outline all the rules and details and instead have a sort of immersive description that leaves a lot unsaid) because I feel it makes things more realistic, like you're glimpsing little parts of things that are utterly normal and therefore don't need explaining ya kno. So when I write classroom scenes or any kind of 'lore' I try not to explain it and rely instead on characters reacting to things to convey its importance, normalcy, or strangeness.

I do this alllll the time but I did it HEAPS in white dove. When Tom is in trial and he gets a 'tier nine' cell (which I made up) I don't bother writing something like "oh my gosh tier nine is the worst and most intense type of cell you can get and it has these rules and these horrifying conditions" bc I don't need to. The whole room reacts with gasps and horror and even Tom looks freaked out (tho that's mostly bc he was expecting a sentence of a specific amount of years and was confident he could just outlive it bc immortal and that's the moment that he's like oh fuck, but the point still stands).

So the emotions/reactions of the people tell you everything you need to know without me having to outright describe it. You don't need to know what a tier 9 cell is, you get that it's fucking baddddd. In fact, it's sort of even better than explaining it bc our imaginations find the unknown even scarier than something horrifying described in detail.

In the same chap a bit further down, I make reference to a 'peeping charm' which I made up on the spot. Same deal but different context, it makes sense that magic users have a spell that'll act like a peephole in their doors, there's no reason to say 'this spell will let me look through the door without the person on the other side noticing so I can see who it is before opening it' because this would be a totally normal thing. So I just wrote it like it wasn't a big deal bc to this character in this context, this wouldn't be a big deal.

On the other hand you can also totally introduce something new that DOES need some detail/exposition. At the beginning of this same chap I say that Tom's lips and cheeks are flushed, that this a tell-tale sign of veritaserum poisoning, and that they've obviously given him heaps of the stuff. I made this up just bc I wanted there to be something the MC could visually and easily see from across the room that would establish that Tom's been given a SHIT TON of truth potion so that for the rest of the scene, the audience in the room with him AND the audience reading the chapter knows he's being forced to tell the truth. It just added to the tension of the moment and made sense for the context (a trial lol). It also gives the scene some layers - Tom was fairly brief and controlled when he actually speaks in that scene, and I wanted it to be unclear if this is because he's being super self controlled by choice as he's normally prone to being, if he knows that he'll be unable to lie and doesn't want to let on any more of his secrets, or if he knows honesty will destroy the picture perfect tragic image the newspapers have made for him if he's TOO much of a monster.

I'm rambling but the point is, if you're going to introduce details or concepts it's really important to have an understanding of who would know that stuff already, who would find it commonplace and who might be totally unaware of it. Sometimes everyone in the scene would know about it already but the AUDIENCE doesn't, and that's when you can use like casual conversation/questions between characters to give more info whilst also showing that this is all very normal.

Having a character not know something is an easy way to have another character explain something to them but there has to be a solid reason as to WHY one would know it and the other doesn't.

An example of a time I've used this is in Mimicry when the MC knows troll blood will ruin Tom's potion but Tom doesn't. Normally we'd be like 'wait what, why would a nerd-ass know it all like Tom not know this,' but it makes sense to my understanding of the character that he's the sort of person who got a recommendation that 'Zoological Potions Ingredients' was the BEST textbook on ingredients and went off and fucking memorised the whole thing and didn't think that anything could have changed in the 70 years after it was published (Tom strikes me as the sort of person who chases 'the best' and doesn't think much past that is worth considering). Hence why he didn't know that the classification for trolls changed and that further research was done, since he also strikes me as the sort of person who would consider reading up on the social status of trolls to be a little pointless lol, but surprise bitch it wasn't.

So I made up most of that except for the existence of Bundimuns and trolls - I went hunting on the wiki for some obscure substance I could reference in passing for a potions ingredient (and found Bundimuns), and honestly I can't remember how much about them I made up and how much is canon (I think they're mentioned to be used in cleaning products canonically...?)

But the point is more that this scene doesn't just flesh out the world, it tells u stuff about the two characters and how they interact. It tells you that Tom is very studious but doesn't like to revise his opinions, it tells you that the MC knows their shit, it tells you that Tom is suspicious (he instantly challenges them by referencing the textbook not saying what they're telling him), and it tells you that MC is a good bitch who would help out a dick like Tom just bc it's the right thing to do. It also shows Tom's flaws - his disregard of learning about other creatures/beings/people and the way they're treated in society tracks with what we know of his character, and I always think it's important to demonstrate (either directly to him within a scene or to the readers) that this is a stupid thing to do. In this case, his lack of interest in the struggles of others nearly fucked his own potion, he's only saved because MC 1) cares enough to read up about it, 2) sees the importance of revising formally formed opinions/understandings, 3) steps in to help him even though he probably wouldn't have done the same.

So that's soft world building, ya know, using these things to tell you about the characters, using knowledge and lack of knowledge, reactions, etc etc. Most of the details I make up are there to serve a purpose for the plot, but honestly that's just bc I'm writing short super condensed stories that don't have a lot of space for proper world building. In Seven Devils (and Mimicry to a lesser extent) I have a lot more of these details there to create an emotion/sense of the scene just for the sake of setting that scene, but that's for bigger works with more room to breathe.

Hmu if you want to know more but damn I DID write an essay huh 😅

[supercalime]

Axiom’s End Commentary

So, it’s been a while since my last book commentary, so here’s my big ass come back with Lindsay Ellis’ debut novel I didn’t know I would like at all “Axiom’s End”. Hope y’all enjoy some ramblings!

Part One: The Obelus Event

- I’m not even done with the first chapter yet but I got two things to say: Lindsay nailed the early 2000’s era and lm already hooked on the story so far

- It’s not a novel without some sprinkles of daddy issues, is it?

- I wonder if those website links actually work… would be fun if they did

- Dude, I’m so hooked on this story

- Hey, maybe the aliens aren’t bad, maybe they just want to teach Cora the newest dance craze of the universe, the intergalactwhip! (If you got this reference, I love you, let’s be friends!)

- Oh shit! They made her forget her family????

Part Two: Billions of Flesh-Eating Aliens

- Just the sheer idea of being under control is chilling. This book is increasing my anxiety yall

- I’ve been noticing a few repetitions in the writing, nothing too distracting, but still noticeable (not saying I could do any better, I’m not writing any books to be published any time soon)

- Cora please do not touch the may or may be not dead alien corpse

- Oh my god! Shut up about “consume”!

- How the turn tables! The alien is afraid of the humans!

- Cora is queer! And it’s normalized queerness! We love to see it!

- The dynamic between Cora and Ampersand is giving me huge Hiccup and Toothless vibes and I kinda love it too much

- Please don’t remind me bush was president, I was having such a good day

- She said the thing! She said “the whole plate”! I giggled and I don’t even care if that’s cringe!

- Just realized that I also been pronouncing nils’ name wrong

- Was that a weird “better call Sal” reference or just an unfortunate coincidence?

- I kinda love that Cora keeps comparing people to actors

Part Three: The Great Filter

- I sense that mr park is a possible love interest, let’s see if that’s true

- Take a shot every time the word myriad is used. You’ll get alcohol poisoning

- I think Ampersand just did a little Wi-Fi foreshadowing

- This whole pandemic talk is so topical it like, hurts. What a weird coincidence

- Esperas just yeeted Cora like she’s nothing! I’m very invested

- I don’t know why but this whole bush thing weirds me out a bit. I get that sci-fi needs to be a little grounded in reality but it could have been a heightened reality based on our world

- What? They just… arrested Luciana????

- I know this is fiction, but I still find it hard to believe that dr sev just managed to translate the alien language so easily

- Damn, big revelations, also we finally got the meaning for the title of the novel, nice

- Fuck! Ampersand! It was you?! All this time! I feel so bad for Cora

- The genome is honestly terrifying

- Ampersand is back! Yay!

- Luciana! Hooray!!!

- Yikes Cora, that last line was ice cold

Part Four: Beloved

- Completely unrelated to the story but I gotta vent. I’m not a book snob in any way but I’m so annoyed how the spine of this paperback was obliterated during these two weeks I’ve been reading it

- I. Just. Ripped. A. Page. Of. The. Book. On. Accident. I wanna scream

- Okay, grieving over, back to the story

- I’m still confused about the alien world but now it’s too late lol

- The memory thing is cool tho

- Look, i love “girl bonds with monster trope” as much as anyone but I’m starting to get a little weirded out with how Cora has been phrasing her affection for a few pages now

- BELOVED???? What is going onnnnnnn???

- Oh ok. Got it. I’m glad it wasn’t going where my brain first went

- The phrase “it was as though” is used so much this entire book it could be in a bingo card

- What the hell did obelus just inject into her?

- Of course it’s not that easy to kill obelus, what was I thinking

- I hate how obelus can see right through ampersand. I’m scared, for real

- THE KAVEH CAMEO!!! Y’all have no idea how happy finally reading Kaveh’s name made me. For context: I listen to Lindsay Ellis and Kaveh Taherian’s podcast “Musicalsplaining”, so I’m fangirling hard right now

- Call me naive, idc, I was hoping Nils wasn’t just a shitbag

- Oh shit! Cefo was bonded to them too!

- He called her “dear one”! That’s cute. Well, as cute as an alien and girl dynamic can be lol

- HE FUSION BONDED WITH HER WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE??? AND SHES OK WITH THAT???

- I can’t believe it ended on that note. I don’t even know what to feel

In conclusion:

[spectre-of-communism]

I made a way too detailed interpretation of “The Mill” from PAFL

I'm using the transcript and the doc as well as Ferry's tumblr for reference. A lot of my interpretation is based on the video as well, so best watch it alongside this post :D

This is just my personal interpretation and probably wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay, let's do this. I'll be numbering the with timestamps as they are in the transcript for easier reference.

0:41: " “Two do the job, the third one is witness / Don’t shoot the guards, no need for guns” " not much to analyze in Sergei's briefing

0:44: "Check this / “Don’t go across, the longer road’s safer Watch as the bolt’s trajectory wavers” " going by visuals the bolt is used to find the objective of their mission (2:36 in the video)

0:48-0:55: "Learn in by heart, now the hardest part comes when / Staggering doubt paralyzes you and then / You fall apart like a house of cards, might as Well disregard it as a / cursory mantra" Yura should push trough the anxiety of going into the zone, it will go away

Starting from this line, I think Olya is the narrator for the first part of the video.

0:56: "Ah, my head feels heavy once again" She has been in the zone before and is haunted by her experiences there

0:59: "I wish I could dissolve myself in this rusty air" The Grinder is said to dissolve flesh and people. During the Grinder incident, in which she lost her right eye, Sergei saved her instead of Nikita's brother, Kolya. She is unsure if Sergei made the right call and thinks she should be the one who died there.

1:03: "It’s getting harder to act like I don’t really care" She sees the careless way Nikita and Yura interact, and is reminded of her younger self first exploring the Zone. She is struggling to keep up the cold facade she shows most of the series.

1:07: "I’m sorry but these earnest words of yours are just too much to bear" see above

The following part was in Russian, I used the translation from the transcript

1:11: "(I see you, the haze lingers above The pink arc of breaking dawn, A light just as distant as it was when we were children) "I strongly think the haze is connected to the grinder (see 2:30, message lost and my previous posts). Combined with the image of Kolya in the background that means she is remembering the Grinder incident. They were in their early twenties when it happened, still children in her eyes. The current mission reminds her of then.

1:16: "(And dirt, black dirt is spilling from our hands)" the black dirt is related to either to the Zone in general or the Grinder in particular. Compare also message lost: "To scour the blackened, soot-covered earth"

1:19: "(Wrapped in blue cloth, her pale ghost follows me Fog on the water -)" this is the line I am most unsure of, but here is my take, far-fetched as it may be: based on the video showing a younger Olya, I think "her pale ghost" is her past self, haunting her in the form of the trauma she experienced in the Grinder, clouding her vision.

1:23: "(The dawning haze lingers Like a gray duvet, above a quiet, quiet river) " another reference to the dead Kolya. "quiet river" might a reference to the proverb "quiet rivers run deep", either referring to Kolya as a person or, more metaphorical, to them underestimating the dangers of the Grinder

1:27: "I’ll draw a circle in the sand" the "circle in the sand" metaphor escapes me, although it might mean accepting her past and moving on, or maybe it is referring to "line in the sand" which she is not willing to cross. I find the second one unlikely without further context. Lastly. it could mean the opposite: her moving in circles and clinging to the past, not willing to let go yet. In my eyes the last interpretation is the most plausible.

1:29: "Drive myself around the bend" she is driving herself crazy, depending how you interpret 1:27 either trying to accept her past and move on, or desperately clinging to that what is gone

1:31: "In a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"again, depending on your interpretation of 1:27 two possibilities spring to mind: either the "battered hand" is Kolya's, and she is trying to not forget him, or it is Nikita's or Sergei's, and she is trying to be as good as them at moving on

1:35: "Rocked to sleep beneath the snow" a metaphor Ferry likes to use for death (e.g. The Faulty Feline Philosophy, Dead Hand)

1:37: "She is bathed in youthful glow " I am pretty sure "she" is Nadya (gets clearer in the following lines, her face flashes at 1:49 in the video)

1:39: " "Strong enough to let it go" he says" Nikita claims to have gotten over her death

1:41: "but, darling, I don't know" but Olya doubts it

1:43: "This isn't my first time sinking lower than the low" Olya has had mental health problems or emotional outbursts due to the loss of Kolya

1:47: "How hard can it be to never let it overflow" so she thinks it's unlikely that Nikita could be unfazed by the loss of his girlfriend, his bottled up emotions need to be released at some point

1:50: "Oh, I've gotten used to being haunted long ago"doubles up on her not being able to move on from the loss of Kolya

1:54-1:56: "All I need to hear’s a simple / "hello"  " not entirely certain what this line refers to, but she connects "hello" either with Kolya or the incident

2:05-2:27: "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman, but... / You know, she actually has no Talent. / At all. / You mean... / Wait... Then how does she... / How is she even alive? / Well... They like to call it intelligence. Careful planning. / Though, really, all of those are just pretty ways of saying... / She lucks out."

I don't think there's a lot of deeper meaning here, Nikita's resentment that Olya was the one who returned is showing, and "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman" might be a reference to his girlfriend. That is just wild guessing at this point, tho.

From here on: Nikita's PoV. This part I am not too sure on, so if you have alternative ideas, let me know

2:28-2:33: "Right through the arc of breaking dawn / Through the haze and through the maw / Of the grinder I won't find her, but I'll guide you through them all" he knows that he won't ever find Nadya again, but he is still faithful to his mision

2:36-2:38: "No more circles left to find / In the windmills of this mind" he has thought about the past so much there is nothing else to do but move on

2:40-2:41: "Rest your members / Now, remember, dear, you’ve always been too kind" as the perceived leader he tells the group to rest, not sure who "dear" is

2:44: "Oh it’s nothing new, the visionless leading the blind" he calls Sergei visionless, he has no greater goal. He calls Olya blind, both in a literal sense after her loss of an eye, as well as metaphorical, as Olya never developed the sense for the Zone that makes a good stalker.

2:48: "It’s easy to say, “why don’t you leave it all behind” " he mirrors 1:39, he thinks Olya has moved on and he is the one stuck in the past. He thinks Olya is condescending towards him

2:52: "And this moral compass is forever misaligned " his perception of Olya is forever tainted and skewed,

2:56-2:59: "All I need to hear is that you’ll be there / By my side" but he still needs her support on missions

3:01: "But you can never know that" he does not want her to know that he relies on her, though.

3:03-3:05: " “Too strong to die” / Or was that me again?" not sure on this one. One possibility is that he mocks her cold attitude. Another is that he is projecting his own emotions onto her. Take this one however you want.

3:07-3:10: "I know that / There has to be some hope that’s / Just out of sight" he is hopeful that the future will be better

From here on: Sergei's PoV.

3:17: "I won’t let myself lose it again" He feels guilty for letting Kolya die and realizes he lost control and almost died himself

3.:19: "And now my only hope is that one day you’ll understand" He decides to keep Sanya under lock to protect her

3:23-3:24: "I’ll wrap the chain / Round my heart and her hammering neck" He will keep her metaphorically chained up to protect her from danger. At the same time he realizes that this will poison their relationship with his sister. Even so, he is willing to put her safety first, even if she will hate him for that.

3:27-3:29: "And save what’s left, though I know that / One day this weight will come to break my back" he is aware that his attempts to safeguard Sanya will one day backfire

From here on: Nikita's PoV again.

3:32:  "Once again we were left in the dust " Nikita thinks Yura and him are alike

3:34: "Self-hating ones like us crack when we betray someone’s trust" they are alike, and both feel like they violated somebodies trust (Nikita: Nadya, Yura: KT) and that is something that breaks them emotionally

3:38-3:40: " So if you must / Shield your heart with these layers of rust" Yura is distancing himself emotionally from those he loves, also note the parallel to False Disposition

3:42: "The sun will rise, until then I’ll" but better time will come

3:45: "Be waiting for you on the other side" Nikita will take a sort of mentor position for Yura

After seeing Nikita, who understands him so well, get shot, Yura overreacts and shoots the guard

[superlinimal]

i would LOVE to hear about your mushroom choices/thoughts o:

SOLELY BECAUSE I REFERENCED. AN AWFUL LOT OF THEM ON THE FORZEN / DARNOLD ONES??? i will be dissecting those choices here for all of u who care.

 let’s start simple here with DARNOLD :D

the two species references here are the golden waxcap and yellow / red chanterelle! 

just look at these glorious bastards. . . here are some fun facts tho!!

technically speaking, both species are edible / not too dangerous! the chanterelle are supposedly pretty tasty but. i do not want to eat mushrooms i want to stare at them and back in their glory.

NOW. HOO BOY. FORZEN. THIS IS GONNA GET LONG SO FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS

WE’RE GOING IN NUMERICAL ORDER HERE. LET’S GET TO IT.

[ also, huge props to the blog @/mushroomgay for posting so many good ass mushrooms. they are a godsend?? ] 

1] LION’S MANE!!

LOOK AT THIS FLUFFY THING. NO OTHER FUNGUS HAS THIS MUCH POWER.

2 ] FOOL’S CONECAP

DEADLY!! POISONOUS LITTLE CREATURES

3 ] BIRD’S NEST FUNGI

haha check out how many fake eggs i can fit in my not nest

4 ] FLUTED BLACK ELFIN SADDLE

don’t these guys look weird??? seriously like. if u have the time, just look some of these guys up. they’re suuuper cool. 

5 ] DECEIVERS. 

does anyone else love how like. scandalous these mushroom names are??? like. i’m expecting one to be called “tim i know what you did” with absolutely no context. 

6 ] FALSE TURKEYTAIL!!!!

the main difference between these slick dudes and a normal turkey tail is that. these ones are not attached to a turkey the real turkeytails have pores. these guys just have. . . too flawless of flesh to be true. alas. 

7 ] PINE PINKGILL

these guys are supposedly just little babies tho. look at em. all small. wow.

8 ] OYSTER MUSHROOMS

i don’t blame u if u could hardly see these dudes on the boot boy’s face. it’s a. . . blink and you’ll miss it. . . sort of thing ;)

9 ] CHICKEN OF THE WOODS

the reason these guys are called the chicken of the woods is bc they are very Edible & can be used to replace chicken most of the time!! [ you might not want to take that as a fact. don’t go eating mushrooms without double checking if they’re safe or not ] 

10 ] THE SICKENER

yooo little spicy guy??? little poison man????

11 ] INKY CAP!!

edgar allan poe would be pissing his pants at the sight of this fucking mushroom. this is metal as shit.

THANKS FOR READING HOLY SHIT

[thefloatingstone]

We’ve gone from Self-Isolation to Quarantine and in some places to gradual relaxation phases, but that doesn’t stop the need for more nonsense you can watch on youtube while you wait for things to get back to normal. And recommending things and making lists are some of my favourite things to do but I have not yet figured out how to start or structure a video myself, you guys get another rambling tumblr post of things you can watch on youtube.

This time I’m once again just gonna recommend individual videos rather than full channels like I did in part 2.

Part 1

Part 2

In no particular order; 

LOCAL58: The Broadcast Station that Manipulates You

I recently started watching the Nexpo channel when I went on a binge of creepy youtube videos. Most of his videos are really good although the ones where he himself goes into theory crafting can be a little asinine. However, this video is REALLY good. And before you get nervous, LOCAL58 is not a real TV station. LOCAL58 is a youtube channel created by the same guy behind the Candle Cove creepypasta. This video by Nexpo covers the various episodes of LOCAL58 and discusses them. Just be aware going in that this is abstract horror, and will probably get under your skin regardless if you’re unaffected by certain topics or not. although cw for suicide mention.

I also recommend most of the rest of this channel, although be careful where you tread. I don’t recommend his series “Disturbing things from around the internet” as it can sometimes include real life crime, abuse and such caught on security cameras. Everything else is really good tho. (although I was really annoyed by his 2 videos on KrainaGrzybowTV)

The Search for D.B. Cooper

LEMMiNO has a new video out covering one of the most unexplained crimes in the past century of the US. LEMMiNO is the guy I’ve recommended before who did videos on the Universal S. He is very down to earth and not someone prone to conspiracy or even really that fanciful of thinking. (He’s like the one person I feel covered the Dyaltov Pass incident and was confused by why this was even a mystery because if you read the Russian Autopsy reports and documents associated with the case it’s all pretty logical and easily explained)

D.B. Cooper is the name given to a man who, in 1971, hijacked an airplane with a bomb, asked for a large sum of money, and after receiving it, parachuted from the plane and was never seen or heard from again.

The Austrian Wine Poisoning | Down the Rabbit Hole

Down the Rabbit Hole also has a new video out, this time covering the Austrian Wine Poisoning event from 1985. A scandal that involved literally the entire country of Austria, affected multiple countries, and forever changed the way wine was made world wide. As someone who is generally pretty allergic to most artificial substances this one made me personally very angry. But luckily, it has a happy ending and a better world for us all... if I could drink wine which I can’t do anyway.

The Turbulent Tale of Yandere Dev - A Six Year Struggle

The Right Opinion is another channel I only recently subbed to after watching his cover on Onion Boy. I put off subbing to him simply because of his channel name and I thought it meant he would come across as smug and elitist. Luckily this seems to merely be one of those “I chose a bad channel name and now I’m stuck with it” type of situations. (IHE has a similar problem).

Anyway, I have a weird interest in bizarre internet personalities, so I’ve been enjoying his channel as he simply discusses and presents a timeline of events of certain individuals. In this video, he covers the developer behind the much maligned Yandere Simulator. It’s a tale of hubris, arrogance, immaturity, and an unwillingness to accept your own shortcomings due to ego.

Oh and there’s a meme game about Japanese school girls with anime tiddies in there as well.

The Most Relaxing Anime Ever Made | Yokohama Kaidashi Kikō

Kenny Lauderdale is a youtube channel which is slowly becoming bigger which I’m very happy to see. He exclusively covers anime and live action Japanese television no younger than the mid 90s (as is the case with YYK) and which usually never saw a release outside of Japanese Laserdisc. I do wish his videos were a little longer, but if nothing else his videos serve as an excellent starting to point to find some older and underappreciated shows... or hot garbage fires. In this episode he talks about the 2 OVA episodes made based on one of my favourite manga, Yokohama Shopping Log. A Post apocalyptic anime about an android who runs a coffee shop outside of her house, and the quiet solitude of living in a world of declining human population, brief encounters with travelers and other people, and just... existing. The anime was never released outside of Japan and is only available on Japanese VHS and laserdisc.... but hey guess what!! Somebody uploaded both episodes, subbed, to Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2HCVOH6DtA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqSTwfkobME

YMS’ slow descent into madness as he uncovers just how bullshit the Kimba Conspiracy is

I’m linking a full playlist for this one.

YMS is busy planning his review on the “live action” Lion King remake as the original 1994 movie is probably his favourite movie all time (and also self declared what made him a furry). As part of the 2 hour review, he decided to what all 2000 hours of Kimba the White Lion just to mention how The Lion King potentially stole the idea. ....until he actually watched all 2000 hours of Kimba and realised that if you actually WATCH Kimba, it has VERY little to do with the Lion King at all apart from having the same animals in them because AFRICA. Watch as one man slowly loses his mind as he realises just how stupid this conspiracy theory is, just HOW DECEITFUL and straight up LYING people can be. People who write BOOKS. People who teach LAW AT UNIVERSITIES. Because NOBODY bothered to actually watch the entire show and just parroted the “Disney stole this” lie which got started by like 2 salty fans on the internet.

The man set out to just mention how Disney stole an idea, and uncovered one of the most infuriating rabbit holes on the internet. Screaming for SOMEONE to provide him with sources or evidence.

YMS will be publishing his full Kimba documentary this month which he has said is around 2 hours long before he continues to work on the Lion King one.

Science Stories: Loch Ness eDNA results, Poop Knives, and Skeleton Lovers

TREY the Explainer has a video giving us some updates in Archeology from 2019. In this video he discusses the findings of the eDNA results conducted on the Loch Ness to see what animal DNA the lake contains which will tell us what living animals currently inhabit the lake, ancient knives made of poop and if this is a real thing that could have existed, and a skeleton couple found buried together which were at first thought to be lovers, then revealed to be both male, and then how in this instance we cannot let our modern sensibilities dictate what we WANT this burial find to be, but to look at the evidence as presented to us and place in context finds of this nature. The worst thing an archaeologist can do is look for proof to a theory they already have.

The Bizarre Modern Reality of Sonic the Hedgehog

Super Eyepatch Wolf is back and he’s here to talk to us about the very very strange existence of Sonic. a 90s rebellious “too cool for School” answer to Mario, a lost idea as the world of video games changes and culture shifted, a meme and punching bag amplified by a unique fanbase and poor quality games, a transcendence into a horrific warped  idea of what he once was, and modern day and where Sonic and his fans are now. As usual Super Eyepatch Wolf knocks it out of the park.

Kokoro Wish and the Birth of a Multiverse: A Lecture on the Work of Jennifer Diane Reitz

I don’t even sub to this channel as I’m not entirely sure what Ben’s usual content is about. But every now and then he has a “101″ class, where he explains to a room full of his friends in a classroom setting (complete with Whiteboard) an internet artist and oddity, the timeline, and what it is they have created. (wait... didn’t I say this already?). Unlike TRO however, the 101 classrooms are not a dark look into disturbed individuals (although the CWC 101 is debatable) nor is it a “lol look at this weirdo” dragging. Instead, of the 3 he’s done so far, it’s usually a rather sympathetic look at some of the strange artists on the internet who through some way or another, left a very big cultural impact on the internet space through their art. Sometimes they may not be the best people, but their work is so outside of what we’re used to seeing that just listening to him run you through these people’s internet history is fascinating.

In this episode he talks about Jennifer Diane Reitz. And although it is titled Kokoro Wish, the lecture is more about Jennifer’s larger work back in the early internet when being a weeb was unheard of, how being trans influenced her stories and characters, and her world building that is so rich and in-depth with it’s own ASTRO PHYSICS it puts any modern fictional world found in games or movies to shame.

Jennifer is not exactly a nice person... and in many ways can be seen as dangerously irresponsible, but she created something truly unique in a way that you kinda struggle figuring out if it’s terrible or a work of genius.

Anyway I think that’s enough for now

[clevercatchphrase]

2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

 Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

 Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

 Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

 Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

 Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

 The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

 To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

 Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

 Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

 Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

 And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

 Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

 ON TO 2021!

 I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

 Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

 Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

 1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

 2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

 3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

 4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

 5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

 6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

 7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

 8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

 9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

 11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

 Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

 Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

 For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

 I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

 Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

 I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

 I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

 Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

 I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

 I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

 I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

 Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

 Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

 Good night.

[jungnoir]

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡!𝐛𝐭𝐬;

bts but as witches in a coven. discuss

𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐤𝐣𝐢𝐧: the supreme

ok not quite but he’s the most experienced in magic out of all the boys

his mother was a witch and she taught him everything he needed to know from birth to adulthood

his whole family is blessed with magic save for a few who didn’t get the gene but every family reunion they all dote on jin and talk about how powerful he’s become and how proud they are of him

the coven house where all of the boys stay is actually jin’s ancestor’s home from a long time ago

the place has brought up witches of all generations and jin was very eager to inherit it

while there’s definitely a lack of witches he’s been able to recruit, he loves his family of six so it doesn’t really bother him

he acts like he’s all serious but in reality he’s always casting spells on the youngins as tests (read: for fun)

jimin: why tf did you give me green skin

jin: if you had been paying attention during lessons you would know how to fix it :)

has definitely said this out of context more than once: ”any witch worth a broom handle knows how to get rid of poisonous snakes! you know back in my day…”

wears the flashiest outfits, but little do people know that they’re all homemade. he has a serious creative eye and seeks to make what simple human designers wish they could (taehyung is very eager to learn this talent from him)

goes all out on halloween with this talent too, creating uber realistic costumes

no he didn’t make a costume out of real human bones that year he went as a scarily realistic skeleton what are you talking about

no graves were robbed in the making of this outfit

if you couldn’t tell, his specialty is in glamours

honestly the guy should just tattoo “i’m a witch” across his forehead, he makes it so damn obvious

he openly practices magic too like it gives yoongi stress pains bc!! there’s still ppl who would very much like to burn witches still to this day!!! where is the self-preservation!!

jin doesn’t care. he’ll burn them right back. checkmate bitch

honestly charms anyone that comes in contact with him which is one of the things he never has to try at

the guys think he uses magic to do it but he’s honestly just, as jin would say, “born with it”

𝐲𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢: the right hand man

*namjoon voice* and who do we got here right now??? ˢᵘᵍᵃ!!!

when it comes to magic, yoongi is pretty neutral

an awfully interesting feeling to have given that seokjin has appointed him the heir of the coven in case anything happens to him

he’s not obsessed with magic like tae, hobi or kook

he doesn’t spend his time learning everything about it like namjoon

and he’s not playful with it like jimin and jin

yoongi just… acknowledges it. its like it exists as something he can do and he’s proud but he doesn’t really care if that makes sense

most of his friends outside of the coven are human too and he has no reservations about telling them what he is bc if they cause trouble he is more than prepared to take care of it

they’re usually like “wow so cool! i wish i was a witch” but yoongi really doesn’t care lmao

with or without magic, yoongi is the same: he loves music, he loves making music, and he loves being a musician

yoongi, however, is guilty of having used magic to make his music just right before

sometimes a note just doesn’t sit with him right and it’s driving him insane

or maybe the bass doesn’t hit hard enough

he charms his music in a way that when one listens to it, they feel exactly what yoongi wants them to feel

people are always telling him he has a real gift in music and while he most certainly does, he feels he has to give credit to his magic for helping him along sometimes

but then seokjin will be like “isn’t magic your talent too? aren’t you just exercising it when you charm your music? it’s not like you can only make music well. you should give yourself props for your magic too”

it’s just. weird to him because he’s seen how much magic can corrupt people in much higher positions than himself and it’s Terrifying

he wants to know that no matter what he makes, it’s his and his alone, not attributed to any otherworldly advantage

this just kind of contributes to his need to be as detached from magic as possible

he’s too cheap to buy one of those coffee makers that automatically start brewing at a certain time in the morning and just uses magic to do it instead

“yoongi do you want me to buy you a new coffee maker for your birthday? they have ones that do all the work for you now-” “no”

he has to be extra, okay namjoon

jimin teases him sometimes but yoongi knows it’s all out of love

jimin understands yoongi in a way, and while the others are always like “yoongi you should have more fun with your magic!” jimin is always like “no no no, let him be”

besides yoongi could probably smoke all of them in a battle of magic if it came down to it lol

𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐤: the perfectionist

HERE HE IS!!! ITS HE

hoseok is probably one of the most talented witches in the coven

hoseok is a perfectionist to a t so if he feels insecure about how he’s doing a certain spell he will do it over and over and over until he’s got it right which makes him a pretty formidable opponent

like even the boys wouldn’t go up against him bc they know they’re just gonna get their ass handed to them

he’s a sweetie tho and very light-hearted and he never lets his power get to his head

he mainly uses it to bother the others tbh

also uses magic to give himself and the boys cool ass hair colors

currently he’s obsessed with this orange he’s got going on

calls it “pumpkin spice” bc it angers yoongi

“it really brings out the burnt sunset hues of a pumpkin ya know? or like a mix of changing fall colors, like golden crisp and warm crimson” “it’s fucking orange” yoongi can be heard chiming in from somewhere else in the house

but don’t get me wrong, hoseok loves himself some yoongi and vice versa

yoongi taught hoseok directly bc yoongi was the one that found hoseok

he was just an average college student and wasn’t really finding a will to live outside of paying off his student debts

he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life and was pretty dead inside, working at a cafe and serving coffee to other dead inside college students when yoongi came in and sensed his strong magical aura

yoongi kinda forced hoseok’s magic out of him by tossing a cup of steaming hot coffee to the floor, causing hoseok to freeze the entire cafe in time, save for the two of them. yoongi told him what he was and the rest was history

now that it’s been so long hoseok still gets upset that yoongi was willing to break one of the cafe’s mugs to prove a point

because of course, when time unfroze, the mug fuckin shattered all over the place what a fuckin jerk guess who’s going to have to clean that up does he really have no respect for retail workers seriou

seokjin also was opposed to yoongi’s method but since it resulted in hobi joining their coven, he can’t be too mad

it was hoseok’s natural ability that yoongi was able to help hone, and when hoseok found a love for it, he took it upon himself to be the absolute best witch he could be

hoseok’s power of stopping time is uniquely his own and he’s worked hard to perfect it

sometimes he just stops time to stop it

hob: *freezes a movie theater right before something dramatic happens on screen* hold on yall I gotta piss real quick

freezing time is also super helpful during *cough* stressful exams* cough*

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧: the scholar

he knows…. everything

not only did he do the reading, he did an 8 page analysis on it and corrected a few mistakes too

namjoon was aware of his witchy nature even from the moment he was a little kid, and his parents were both human and a bit scared for him since they didn’t know how to handle it, but they gave him the option of pursuing magic or not. they made sure to do all their own research into where witches could go to hone their craft just in case

in the end, namjoon grew curious and started reading books about magic and magical things

tho he didn’t actually start using his power until his mid teens

by then he was a bit shaky with it, but he knew a lot and was very determined so he got the hang of it very quickly

rarely uses his magic outside of it being necessary tho bc he’s gone so long without having to use it that he doesn’t rely on it for anything

he also likes to be independent from his magic in a way

while magic is very much a part of him and his being, he doesn’t want it to be like a crutch, you know? his biggest fear is losing his magic, bc he’s heard it can happen

he’s also aware that some witches lose important life skills and miss out on opportunities to build their character bc they’re so used to being able to just magic their way out of a situation

went from student to teacher real quick

teaches the other boys how to properly say incantations

“its levios-ah not levios-ar”

actually?? a pretty scary dude when it comes to using his magic for real

don’t put him in a situation where someone is getting hurt because he will not go easy on the aggressor. the other boys can attest to this too, having been saved by him far too many times than is acceptable in namjoon’s eyes

basically dont fuck with namjoon’s boys or u gon die

does cute things for the boys on their birthdays with magic

one time taehyung was sad that it wasn’t snowing on his birthday so namjoon made it snow for hours

may have fucked up the climate a lil bit

yoongi almost lost a toe

namjoon frequents a library and whenever a lil kid is struggling to reach a book he uses his magic to drift the book down to the little kid and when the kid looks at him in awe he just presses his finger to his lips and winks at them

flirts using his extreme wicca knowledge, of which is either a major turn off or a major turn on. you decide

𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧: the reluctant

jimin loves magic, but it wasn’t always like that

jimin kinda struggled with accepting his magical abilities at a young age bc he was really confused

like why wasn’t he just like everyone else? why did he have to be a witch? why did he have to have magic when he could’ve just been normal?

he often rejected it, never bothering to learn anything even to impress the family at reunions

but as he grew older, his parents grew worried he’d hate his magic and never use it again, putting him in a vulnerable position if his magic were ever to just come out when jimin isn’t in a place to control it, so they let him meet a slightly older witch that could help mentor him

his parents would’ve done it but jimin hardly ever listened to his parents about magic and they wanted to show him there were witches his age that were amazing people and embraced it, that it didn’t take away from jimin’s life but in fact added to it

in comes yoongi

yoongi, at first, really pities jimin

he understands the struggle between wanting to be normal and dealing with a part of his identity that won’t ever go away

where yoongi is concerned, that struggle for him was that he wanted to be himself regardless of being talented in magic. jimin... just hates it

but then jimin starts bashing magic and witches and he’s about to get angry at his parents for trying to force him into being a witch when yoongi just,,, slaps him upside the head

jimin’s shocked and yoongi is just like “respect your parents kid, they’re looking out for you. just because you don’t use your magic doesn’t mean people won’t know you’re a witch. its dangerous for a witch to go around with magic and not know how to use it”

jimin is shocked. he never thought of it that way

jimin feels embarrassed all of a sudden and apologizes and then yoongi cracks a smile and he’s like “no biggie kid, i’m just here to teach you the basics of magic and then i’ll be out of your hair”

jimin finds that learning magic with yoongi is really fun and soon he’s asking to be apart of the coven and embracing being a witch

he becomes carefree with it, like it’s another part of him, and he’s still kinda inexperienced, but he’s learning a lot from yoongi and namjoon

loves playing with temperature

the boys make him freeze their drinks for him, or ask him to heat up some popcorn while they’re all sprawled out on the couch on movie night bc no one feels like waiting two minutes for it to cook in the microwave

makes the water in the shower cold whenever one of the boys is taking way too fucking long in there which is Everyday

also jimin: *hitting on someone at the bar* *makes the room slightly warmer* “is it hot in here or is it just you?”

relates everything he learns back to naruto in some way, much to everyone’s complete and utter confusion

he just really kins the guy i guess

100% owns every single witch pun shirt known to man

“witch please” “witches do it better” “this is my resting witch face”

jungkook: by all means jimin why don’t you just burn us all at the stake yourself

it’s ok tho bc it’s his own little way of owning his identity, and if you want to avoid having your fingers frozen off, you’ll be sure not to step to him any kind of way

𝐭𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐠: the transcendent 

my favorite witch!!! i wrote this whole thing for him

tae is like jin in that his whole family is magical and he grew up surrounded by magic his whole life

in fact, he’s so familiar with magic that he’s kind of sick of it (no he isn’t (most of the time))

taehyung is unique with his magic bc he’s actually able to transcend realms oooh~

the information on how many realms and parallel universes and such are limited as hell so taehyung actively helps broaden that knowledge as he travels, a very Dangerous and Scary job to anybody else

but to him he’s like!! fuck yeah astral projection!

basically, he’s able to put himself into a deep sleep where he moves through different realms, some more or less magical than the others

he’s so good at it that he can project himself into someone else’s dreams too

he’s basically capable of seeing more than most magical beings, and he can perceive spirits easily, as well as being able to actually see a magical aura around someone

so for instance, if a witch who didn’t know they were a witch walked into a bar, he’d know what they were instantly. besides the general intuitive feeling that most witches get, he can see the auras physically, like swarming tendrils of smoke unique to every person

each aura feels and looks different than others which makes it easy for him to point out shape shifters and vampires and werewolves and all the other guys pretty easily

bc of this ability, taehyung also likes to mess with the boys like everyone else lol

“tae, i just saw the most beautiful-” “they’re actually an ogre in disguise” “WHAT”

“man my english teacher is a witch” “she actually is”

in case you couldn’t tell tae’s favorite victim is jungkook

casually tells people he’s a witch just for the #reactions

if you’re wondering, no. nobody in this coven cares about keeping this shit a secret

since he’s more sensitive to dreaming, a lot of his dreams leave him incredibly emotional because sometimes he really is there

he once had a dream where all magical beings were universally accepted in the world and were loved and happy and woke up sobbing into jimin’s lap

also nightmares take a HUGE toll on him so his sleep pattern is fucked for real

usually ends up eating cake with jin in the dining room at four am and talking about life together to get the nightmares off tae’s mind

tae uses his magic on humans in a different way. like he doesn’t prank them that much, but rather manipulates their moods. he tries to charm anyone he comes in contact with to make them happy or to make them giggly

he wants to use his magic for good, because it often leaves a very painful burden on him in turn

𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤: the prodigy

honestly i feel like if jungkook was a witch he’d probably be an underdeveloped one, you feel?

he finds out his power late bc either his family didn’t know (they’re all human) or they just didn’t tell him in hopes of him never becoming one

but jungkook is being bullied by some guys in his grade and they corner him after school one day and jungkook gets so frustrated that he just,,, makes them all start uncontrollably burping

as dumb as it is, those kids never bother jungkook again

when he does get a hang of it, jungkook probably uses his magic for fun more often than not

jungkook is recruited by jin for this very reason. he catches jungkook messing with old people at the park on his afternoon runs and he’s like this kid is such a brat. i want him

jungkook is SUCH a fast learner holy shit

he goes to namjoon for every little question, to the point where namjoon is positive he’s become a better witch simply because jungkook has prepared him for any fuckin scenario known to man

he also makes himself float upside down in the kitchen at night so when hoseok comes down for a glass of water he almost pisses himself

“haha did i scare you” 

cue hoseok making jungkook fall down as he mumbles “little shit” under his breath

halloween is his favorite time of year and he likes to pull harmless pranks on the kiddies while scaring the mean teenagers ruining all of the children’s fun

like he sees this guy in a deformed mask holding a plastic knife about to scare a little boy so Jungkook just gives the dude a wedgie with his magic

all the kids are laughing at him and jungkook just smirks

honestly he doesn’t like reading about magic as much as he likes just doing it from intuition/namjoon’s instruction. he’s a lot like hoseok in that he has a lot of natural talent but not a lot of proper training when he first starts honing his ability

since jin yoongi and namjoon are in charge of teaching magic they all hound on him like “did u do the reading”

jungkook maybe glosses over everything and then just over-performs as compensation

they get on him abt it but there’s no lying about it, jungkook is a strong witch on his own

he hasn’t gotten a special manifestation of his magic Just Yet but he only gets stronger as he goes. the more he applies himself, the stronger he grows

[damienthepious]

sorry I don’t have more Scattered for y’all this week! but, see, i finally moved out of my terrible living situation uhhh yesterday so things are a bit hectic at the moment. hopefully next week? wish me luck y’all. IN THE MEANTIME, THO. An au that’s been stuck in my head for a while, that i realized i could chapter out to encourage myself to work on it more. hope y’all enjoy?

thorns that burst from my skull in the night (chapter 1)

[ao3] [ch 2] [ch 3] [???]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, The Keep, Sir Damien, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Canon Compliant, Prophetic Dreams, Alternate Universe, canon typical Arum ignoring feelings, (very mild suicidal ideation or at least. canon typical arum being reckless with his own life)

Summary: Arum has always seen glimpses of the future in his dreams. This gift is sometimes useful, but more often than not it leaves him with more questions than answers. The dreams of the flowers are particularly unhelpful.

Notes: I've had this one on the back burner for a while, but I moved into a new apartment literally yesterday, everything is a mess, and I did NOT have time to write a proper chapter of my current in-progress WiP, so here's the first part of something new! because that's always a good idea what the heck. Title from the song Pyrrhic Victory by Minimall.

~

Arum dreams a garden. It is the reoccurring dream the lizard Lord wakes from most often. Wakes gently, which is an interesting change from the vast majority of his prophetic dreams.

It is more abstract than his augury usually is, a flurry of soft petals, a distant singing, and the twang of- something. Something he cannot place. Elements of the dream rise and fade as it reoccurs, dragging out between years as it becomes just another part of his life. At times it comes with the distinct clash of steel, at others he hears a second voice join the song, and still again he feels either a frighteningly delicate touch, or the bite of manacles at all four of his wrists.

It bodes ill, Arum thinks. Flowers and song, and softness, it must either be a metaphor or an outright lie, and neither option puts him at ease. Even laced with the more ordinary threat of restriction and weaponry, he does not trust any of it.

He barters his services in exchange for access to the libraries of monsters he knows have an interest in botany, digs through tomes and guides until he can identify the other two of the three flowers from his dreams. The first he needs no assistance with; it is him. Always him, though it vacillates between the delicacy of the arum lily and the imposing spire of the titan arum. The other two, he finds with relative ease.

Honeysuckle, and amaryllis.

There is no direct connection between them, botanically speaking. They are unrelated entirely. They do not even grow in the same places, which is worrying because it indicates that this dream is almost certainly symbolic, and Arum abhors dealing in symbolism. It utterly undermines what little usefulness there is in his limited gift when he needs to wade through interpretation to find any actionable information in his prophecy.

He grits his teeth through his research into flower symbolism. It is almost entirely useless. Most flowers seem to have a wild array of meaning attributed to them, sometimes with ideas that entirely oppose one another. Amaryllis consistently seems to carry connotations of pride and determination, which Arum does not find distasteful, but it also means radiant beauty, which Arum could not care less about. Honeysuckle is more worrying; the meanings are all so soft. Happiness, devotion, affection, generosity, bonds of love-

Saccharine sentimentality, and selflessness. Nothing a monster should do anything but sneer at.

Another version of the dream arises around this time. He sees himself as he was in youth, the smallest of reptilian whelps, sees himself curled and sleeping in the throat of a flower, something not uncommon even in his adulthood. However, this time the flower in question is a beautiful and over-sized amaryllis bloom, with the other version of himself clutching to the pistil, the entire scene infused with relief and restfulness and safety. Arum wakes and feels hollow, that morning. Feels cool, feels uncertain, feels irritated with himself and his augury before he shakes the softness and rises to work.

That one of the flowers is arum, is Arum himself, concerns him further. If one of the three represents him, it raises the possibility that the other flowers represent someone else as well. Two different someones, likely.

He plants each of the strange flowers in his greenhouse. It is an act of defiance, of course, an act meant to rob the prophesy of any power it might otherwise have. He makes the symbol into something literal, something he can brew into a poison or a tea, depending, something he can touch outside of his dreams.

There, he thinks viciously, tending to the plants as they grow, pruning and fertilizing and brushing his knuckles soft down vibrant leaves. There. This mildest of prophesies is fulfilled. Here the flowers will be, and then the dream needs haunt me no more.

The honeysuckle blooms first. It fills the greenhouse with the scent of subtle sweetness, and when Arum places a flower on his tongue it tastes like a loose sunbeam, it smells precisely as soft as all of its adjacent symbolism, it makes him feel-

Well. It doesn’t matter. It is only a flower, after all.

The amaryllis are slower, but the blooms come just as wild in their time. They could be useful, he thinks, for brewing certain poisons, but he does not pluck a single flower. He could not explain why. He does not want to break any of those stems, and so he does not. It is enough of a reason in itself.

The dreams, of course, do not cease. The do soften, however. They come less often, but now the scent is more real in his dreaming snout, the sunbeam flavor filling his mouth until he could drown in it, but at least it is no longer a suffering of every single night. He may forget it, for days at a time.

He does not forget it. He could, he thinks. But he does not.

He hardly has time to worry over the matter anymore, anyway. His hard work and spotless reputation as an architect have (despite his other reputation as rather difficult to work with) gleaned him some arguably fortunate attention. Arguable, because while the eye of the Senate may be beneficial to him eventually, may earn him some protections or benefits he could not even predict, they are also powerful enough to threaten even Arum’s territory. If their attention turns sour, if they are unhappy with the results he produces (highly unlikely, his skill is unmatched), the repercussions could be severe.

The work is difficult. Demanding. It leaves little time for sleep, which allows him to avoid the dreams entirely, both those concerning his blooms and the other more troubling ones besides.

(cavern dark and wet, no magic here, only blight, only threat, only steel and mud and hatred and fear so sharp it curdles in the air)

(wilting song, wilting song)

(squalling of hundreds, his denizens, his charges, afraid afraid afraid and ready, as any animal, to bite back)

(weight unbalances, and so from the scale you must be)

Context. If the dreams gave even a hint of context he could use the information, but as it stands-

Arum works. The Keep works with him. They need be tireless, they need work beyond their means. He finds the Moonlit Hermit (another flower of which he has dreamed relentlessly, though at least those dreams had some use) and the work is easier, then, if no less time consuming. He must continue until the Senate is satisfied, or-

(wilting song, wilting song)

Or who knows what they may do to his home. He is relentless. He creates. He ceases to take satisfaction in this work. There is no time for that, and the weapons that the Senate demands are cruel in a way that Arum finds distasteful, regardless. There is skill in the work, of course, but Arum is diligent, and he samples his own poisons in safe quantity, and he knows what these things will do, to whomever the Senate turns them upon.

Arum does what he must. It was never his desire to make a crueler world, but-

But there is a war on. His desires pale in the shadow of it.

(the moment the first stone was thrown)

He dreams the Citadel, which is almost certainly the worst of portents thus far. It is an augury that makes sense more quickly than is typical. If his newest project can be coerced into doing as he intends, if he can manipulate them to grow fast enough to please the Senate, the resulting creature will require a tether. A focus. A direction in which to aim its ire, and that will mean-

Infiltration.

He wrinkles his snout in distaste at the idea, and the feeling of human-carved stone under his claws echoes back out from the dream. He is going to have to infiltrate personally, perform the task on his own. If he asks the Senate to find another to seek what he requires for his work, it will show too much weakness. He has no choice. He is running out of time to give the Senate what they desire, and his Keep is (wilting song) ill. And quickly becoming more so. He has no time. He has no choice. He must end this employment so he may turn his attention inward, so he may fulfill his deepest purpose.

He sharpens all his knives, and he does not sleep the night before he journeys out.

Perhaps this is foolish. His dreaming could give him some hint of danger, could allow him to see the troubles he may face, but he cannot stand relying on them, and he does not wish to attempt this reckless heist with the scent of flowers stuffed into his snout. If he fails, it will certainly be death, one way or another. He is willing to face that without debasing himself to the capriciousness of the dreams.

He will realize, later, that even if he had slept, the dreams would have only shown him the same as they had been showing for years.

Arum, and honeysuckle, and amaryllis.