#i do a lot of cooking for family and friends while i'm in my unemployed era

[ddarker-dreams]

What random video essays have you seen lately? How random are we talking…

i'll let you be the judge of that . here are the most recent video essays i've watched:

Dealing with the Devil: Succession & The Tragedy of Wealth (this is my fav youtuber btw .)

The Tragic Horror of Fear and Hunger 2: Termina

Berserk as a Nietzschean Tragedy — Art, Morality, Affirmation

The Greatest, Terrible Book Ever Made - The Story too Disturbing to be a Movie: Blood Meridian

The False Evolution of Execution Methods

Inner Gold - Alchemy and Psychology

hm. this is certainly a list. i have a predilection for tragedies and the macabre i guess ??

[aumarias]

haikyu!! headcanons - seijoh main four

slight suggestive themes in matsukawa's

iwaizumi hajime

100% without a doubt, works out to relieve stress. it's an escape from his problems (oikawa) and helps him take out his anger in a healthy way.

his favorite color is definitely red. i don't know why he just seems like a red guy.

literally gets SO pouty when he's surprised with something. it could be a gift or a party and he'll get so pouty. he's so emotional i love him

he loves LOVES when you grab his bicep. it makes him feel so strong and manly and proud it's so cute his face lights up.

contrary to popular opinion, he LOVES physical touch, but only with specific people. he just loves feeling loved.

whatever you cook for him, he'll DEVOUR it. he'll literally eat it up he loves food especially if you're the one who made it.

oikawa tooru

he has major separation anxiety. when he's in argentina you know damn well he's spamming the group chat with messages and calls.

his friends mean everything to him. he'd abandon volleyball for them anyday. he'd never admit it though...

a horrible, terrible liar. cannot lie to save his life, he'll start laughing or smiling. his voice cracks if he tries to drag it on too long.

when he falls in love, he's in LOVE. the gc is spammed with messages about how much he loves his gf and pictures of her followed by long ass paragraphs.

if he ever catches you in his jersey, oh honey... you're never gonna hear the end of it. he'll do a whole photoshoot of you in it, it doesn't matter if you just woke up. he thinks you look stunning and now it's his lockscreen wallpaper.

the SASSIEST man alive. he'll give you so much attitude if he's pissed off. you gotta sit his ass down and tell him to cut it out cause it gets BAD.

matsukawa issei

i don't see him as a smoker honestly. however...he is a big drinker. beer, whiskey, rum and coke, you name it, he'll have it.

super handsy. can't keep him hands off you, he needs to be touching you at all times. whether it be a hand on your hip, waist, thigh, head, or an arm around your shoulder, he's always touching you.

working in a funeral home, he sees a lot of grieving families yk.. he has nightmares that one day he'll be the one grieving you. please hold him tight at night!!

king of midnight snack runs! it's 4am and you're hungry? no problem! let's do a cvs run. oh you want taco bell? it closes soon better hurry!

has the LONGEST eyelashes you've ever seen. it's not even funny how are they so long. he looks great with mascara, he'll even beg you to put it on him so he can show off to oikawa. (he does, in fact, get jealous)

jams out with hanamaki to 2000's white girl songs. i'm talking christina aguilera, britney spears, natasha bedingfield, etc. it's their favorite way to mess with hajime. (he secretly loves it though)

hanamaki takahiro

matsukawa might not be a smoker, but hanamaki totally is. he doesn't smoke often, but when he does he comes back higher than a kite. he only smokes to relieve stress.

our dear boy is unemployed, but he still tries to spoil you as much as he can. you want that swimsuit? you'd look so hot babe of course he's buying it for you.

not a very touchy person, but he tries to make it up to you by spending time with you. he'll stand by you in the kitchen while you're whipping up some coffee for yourself. he sees you on the couch? now you guys are watching a movie together. he just loves being with you.

late night drives with takahiro are to die for. you've never had this much fun in your life. the city lights and the music blasting from the radio lifts you to a high you've never felt before.

uses hot cocoa flavored chapstick. he stocks up during the winter since it's a seasonal flavor (which he thinks is super annoying) but you complimented him on it once and now it's the only one he uses.

on twitter nearly 24/7. he posts his every thought and somehow they go viral. he prides himself on that and comes to you every time his tweet blows up. "look babe! my tweet hit 100k retweets."

[pixuou]

Lilith: Ugh, I can't believe I have to spend my Saturday here. I can't imagine what must be so important that they needed us both to come.

Angela: Don't be like that! You never even call Mum and Dad, they deserve to see you every once in a while.

Lilith: What for? So I get to listen to them tell me off for my grades and fight each other passive-aggressively? If they're so unhappy, they should just get that divorce already.

Angela: Maybe that's what they want to talk to us about...

Mary-Sue: Come on in girls!

Angela: In a minute Mum!

Lilith: And how much of my business is that, exactly?

Angela: Lilith, they're your parents too! You should care what happens to your family and how they're doing.

Lilith: As long as nobody's dying, I really don't.

Lilith: I hope they at least made lunch. I've had takeaway way too many times this week.

Mary-Sue: Sorry girls, I didn't have time to cook, I had to go to the office earlier today to handle some very important paperwork. We got Chinese, take a box! Your dad will join us in a minute.

Angela: Thanks Mum.

Lilith: I'm not hungry.

Angela, whispering to Lilith: Remember, let's keep the peace.

Mary-Sue: So, it's official now: I'm the party's mayoral candidate in next year's elections!

Angela: That's huge news!

Lilith: So my mother is now the face of the Conservative Party? I can't imagine anything worse happening.

Angela: Lilith!

Lilith: What? You know it's true! Not even you want the conservatives to win, and nor do any of our friends. Don't lie.

Daniel: I know politics isn't for the youth, but—

Lilith: No Dad, that's not what I said. Politics IS for the youth, actually, and that's exactly why I'm—

Daniel: Don't interrupt me! I was about to say it doesn't matter what you think of the party, your mother has been working tirelessly for this position and deserves your respect.

Lilith: Oh, look who's suddenly the champion of showing her respect! Now that you're unemployed and in debt, you suddenly need her and the stability, yeah?

Mary-Sue: Your father has always been supportive of my career. Sure, we had our ups and downs in the past, but we're entering this new phase in our lives together.

Daniel: And I'll have you know I am already in talks with another football team, so I won't stay without work for long. A lot of the debt is already paid off.

Lilith: Okay... whatever... by the way, I'm dropping out of college.

All in unison: WHAT?!

Mary-Sue: Where did this come from?

Lilith: You guys do what you want, I'll do what I want too. It's my choice. There's no point finishing my degree, it's not going to get me in the music industry anyway.

Daniel: After all the money we sent you to pay for your accommodation?

Angela: Errmm, I'm sure Lilith still has a lot of thinking to do about this, and it's never that simple, right, Lilith? We're still going over things, right? Don't worry, nothing's decided yet! ... Anyway... Umm... Did I tell you Dustin has picked the dentistry major? He decided to become a dentist and he's going to earn big money with it. He's already looking at clinics to apply to once he's finished uni.

[muffinssims]

[outdated] Puppy Love Legacy Challenge - Sims 4

Description: A ten generation legacy challenge revolving around my interpretation of different dog breeds and their personality trends.

Note: - This is all in my own opinion and is for fun, nothing is meant in offense to any breed, or to be taken literally. The legacy challenge is to commemorate my late Jack Russell Terrier, Princess. I'm unaware of any similar challenges so I decided to create my own!

(This has not yet been tested and is open for suggestions as it is played out! Under traits, I only include traits that must be completed in addition to traits needed for that generations career)

Generation One - Jack Russell Terrier

Traits: Active, hot headed, genius

Skills: mischief max, fitness max, cooking level 6

Career: Fitness, pro athlete branch

Aspiration: Chief of Mischief

Generation notes: Date one sim your entire life and marry them as an adult. Have as many kids as you like. Regularly get into fights with your sims neighbors. Find all the frogs in the frog collection and have a room dedicated to them.

Generation Two - German Shepard

Traits: Perfectionist, adventurous, loves the outdoors

Skills: Selvadoradian culture max, fishing max

Career: Secret Agent, diamond agent branch

Aspiration: Jungle Explorer

Generation notes: Must complete aspiration before having children and must be an adult. Sell relics for money on the sell table while also keeping some to decorate your sims house with. Take a vacation to Selvadora at least three times. Have two fish tanks with fish you catch. Have two children of your own and adopt one. Marriage is optional but not preferred as you’re married to work.

Generation Three - Golden Retriever

Traits: Goofball, clumsy, cheerful

Skills: Charisma max, comedy max

Career: Detective

Aspiration: Neighborhood Confidant

Generation notes: Must have at least three children, preferably with one set of multiples or triplets! Go to the park at least twice a week by yourself or with family. Go jogging every night after work. Own a pool. Donate at least 100k this generation.

Generation Four - Chihuahua

Traits: Evil, perfectionist, kleptomaniac

Skills: Baking max, singing max

Career: Criminal

Aspiration: Villainous Valentine

Generation notes: Have only one child and never marry. Steal constantly from this child's parent to make up for "back child support". Spend your nights after work at karaoke bars. Have music playing loudly in the late and early hours of the night to annoy your neighbors.

Generation Five - Basset Hound

Traits: Lazy, glutton, childish

Skills: cooking max, gourmet cooking max, charisma max

Career: Unemployed/Odd Jobs

Aspiration: Friend of the World

Generation notes: Never have a job while living off your parents money. Do not exercise or go to the gym. Have a friends-with-benefits that you have your children with. Order groceries regularly. Max at least one other skill of your choosing. Have a "sim den" in your home with lots of comfort items. Spend most nights sleeping in there by "accident".

Generation Six - French Bulldog

Traits: Proper, jealous, high maintenance

Skills: at least five skills to level five - players choice

Career: Salaryperson and after that, player choice.

Aspiration: Renaissance Sim

Generation notes: Live in a mansion. Always wear a dress or a suit (formal style). Throw a dinner party once a week. Have a white Persian cat. Always hire nannies to care for your children. Have a "nice" bathroom that you never use.

Generation Seven - Boxer

Traits: Foodie, bro, geek

Skills: research & debate max, logic max

Career: Education, administrator branch

Aspiration: Academic

Generation notes: Marry your college sweetheart but later find them cheating on you. Find love in a co-worker and remarry in your adult years. In your free time, go to Sulani and swim in the ocean. Read one book a day for fun. Never miss new years and always hire a bartender for parties. Have at least three best friends.

Generation Eight - Pomeranian

Traits: Mean, romantic, snob

Skills: violin max, piano max

Career: Business, investor branch

Aspiration: Serial romantic

Generation notes: Have four kids by four different sims. Marry rich, take their money and leave them homeless. Only watch the romance channel on TV. Have movie nights re-watching Simder once a week and order pizza. Be a millionaire by the end of this generation. Buy two of the The Virtuoso Violin and keep one for display on a high shelf.

Generation Nine - Poodle

Traits: Self-absorbed, foodie, self-assured

Skills: flower arranging max, gardening max

Career: Actress

Aspiration: Beach Life

Generation notes: Get one of the most expensive massages a week, minimum. Never repair any household objects yourself, always hire a repair sim. Have a roommate that your sim thinks they’re better than (a sim that doesn't have as nice things or clothes). Have at five outfits for each category to flaunt your wealth. Own beachside property.

Generation Ten - Pitbull

Traits: Loyal, good, family-oriented

Skills: video gaming max, parenting max, rock climbing max

Career: Law, judge branch

Aspiration: Successful Lineage

Generation notes: Have trouble finding a spouse because of being misunderstood. Go through a minimum of four significant others before finding another misunderstood sim (not as preferable traits, unique quirks, different looking). Spend free time rock climbing with family. Never hire a nanny, but kids can go to daycare. Don't hire a maid, have the kids help with household chores to teach life skills. As a judge, always make choice for the greater good.

Please tag me in any attempts of this challenge or let me know if there is anything similar or broken in the challenge so I can adjust!

[senversum]

Opening Character Art Commission (2-3 slot available/ 2 weeks - a Month done/ depending on the complexity

Hello Everyone… first of all nice to meet you guys. you could called me Sen, I'm known as the artist for Totem Force, Unearth Your Gays, and The Onryō of Osaka.

i've been taking hiatus on digital drawing for years, the last time i did some art was in 2021, the reason for it was something im not comfortable enough to disclose in a lot of detail (im sorry) short summary of some of them (beside the covid case) are these :

in 2019 ive been living alone, which makes me have more time to work on art

but i have to come back to my parents house at the start of 2020 to take care of them and my lil sister which taking more of my daily life time

since my parents quite old i have to fully take care of the house chores and such like taking care of my lil sister education, managing the administration file and such when she have to apply for her Junior High School

managing monthly bills like electricity, water, gas, etc (not to mention that i just become unemployed to take care of the house)

i also have to manage our daily food like doing grocery in the morning after taking my lil sister to her school, preparing food for my family (cooking for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and my lil sister packed lunch)

another house chores like cleaning the house, doing dishes and such

not to mention dealing with family drama for my mentally abusive parents (the reason why i leave the house in 2019 and living on another city away from them) which taking a lot for me to stay sane

around 2022 my mom took a turn and make a mess of our life, she ended up diagnosed with bipolar and mentally unstabled state, which cause a lot of problem with neighbours and relative. she cause harmed to herself and other which ended up making me the one to blame for "not taking good care of her"

forgot to mention i also have to deal with my parents debt on top of it (dad never pay the monthly bill for years and caught in indefility, mom taking a bunch of debt from bank and loan shark, lil sister got neglected since i left the house (and yes it was me who usually take care of her since birth she basically said im more of a parent figure for her than her own parents)

there are a lot more i couldnt mention which ended up taking me to a dark places and makes my life feels too much of a burden, i was considering to end myself in 2022 (unfortunately not my first attempt considering how tiring it was to live under my parents abusive tendency in my youth)…

it tooks me a while to get a grip on myself again, but i decide to keep on living my life in hope it get better, not to mention i hate the thought of burdening other people by taking the easy way out, i still owe a lot of people, and my lil sister still need me to keep on taking care of her, and i dont know what will happened with this house if theres no one to take care of it

im not talking to any professional yet but talking with some close friend online does help quite a lot in sorting out my thoughts.

im stable enough now to deal with my daily life in this house, and im planning to stick with it until my lil sister graduated from her high school in around 3-4 years in the future. in my vision she will be old enough to taking care of herself then so i could get my rein back to focusing on my own life

Long story short im slowly getting back on drawing digitaly since 28 march this years, and lets be honest… i couldnt fully work on my backlog without earning any income for my living cost while im at it, so hopefully by taking another comission alongside my overdue list i could get through all of it. and please dont worry and thinking i will neglect your commision, i will give my best to finish it within 2 weeks - a month (depending on the complexity of it). you could talk more detail with me if you decide to take my service offer

Im thanking all of you for even considering reading all this stuff, sorry for the long post and thank you..

TL:DR im opening character art commision for like 2-3 slots, you could find more of my samples here :

and i will post my commission sheet here :

once again sorry for the long post, and please contact me if you are interested… thank you <3

[honeybeecomebuzzingme]

My dad is really stressing me out.

I'm self-harmed and I've hit my head.

Again again and again.

Every time I take a step in the right direction and I feel like I'm starting to get better he grabs me and reacts overly aggressive and it ruins everything.

There's so much trauma from my childhood that I feel like I'll never be able to get past and I won't be able to have a healthy relationship or have children or family of my own.

I love all my friends so much and I'm so glad that they're there for me.

I wish that this could stop.

I've tried the coping mechanisms that work for me but my dad says they're wrong. My dad reacted like I was going to get a 5150 for listening to Taylor swift.

It's so insane and I don't know what to do.

The other night a drunk lady knocked on the door and asked if I was okay because she'd heard me and my dad shouting.

In that moment I just told her yeah he grabbed me and because of his age it's hard to tell whether he's grabbing me because of dementia or because he's always this aggressive and he thinks it's normal. Men are supposed to be like this and women are supposed to take it.

And it's abusive if this behavior is rejected and in a relationship this is how it's supposed to be.

All of these things that it's supposed to be because of different labels that were designed and defined by older generations long gone by that are not in existence anymore.

I've tried to explain to my dad that I am non-binary and gay or rather a queer.

He started immediately ripping apart my artwork and saying that my writing and drawings are rubbish.

Yet, in the past he kept a drawing by one of my childhood friends because he thought it was mine. I was really confused as it said her name on it and it was her handwriting and art style. And the framed things, that my friend drew in an art club, which has their signature on the bottom of the frames, and my dad knows this person, yet he thought that was a self portrait and my artwork.

If a picture belongs to me then it's my picture but it doesn't mean that it's me that drew it or painted it. If I'm leaving him my writing and lectures around or trying to show my dad my artwork that's me trying to express myself.

He thinks so negatively about all of my coping mechanisms and all the things I'm trying to do to help cope with my mental health and manage my emotions.

He says that my qualifications are just qualifications and when I have two or three jobs he says I'm unemployed.

If I exhaust myself doing things for him and need to sleep in he says I'm lazy.

I try so so hard to be a good person and I snap because I have a lot of trauma and I just want to be left alone to manage my symptoms and anxiety because I can.

My friends say that I can. My friends believe I'm capable. My friends praise my writing and my artwork and they say that I will be able to learn to drive and if I don't they know that I can get help with a bus pass for my ADHD. My friends help me walk through and process things.

My friends help break down information so I can understand it even though I've got dyslexia. Friends talk to me about the order of the Star wars films and about the controversy of Rowling and Harry Potter.

Friends understand that I'm a good cook and I enjoy baking. My bestie suggested buying an air fryer for ways to make things easier and tasty. I try lots of things.

I'm fully capable of recycling and sorting the recycling into different colored bins is straightforward. I was able to do it at my friends' houses and I'm able to do it when I live alone. However, for some reason my dad thinks that I'm psychic for when it is and I can't do it. All I ever asked is to be reminded of what day is bin day.

The whole argument tonight started because I wanted to ask him when bin day was casually while I was doing the dishes and then I was going to ask if he wanted to dry the dishes as I thought that's something he wanted me to do.

All of his complaining I thought that he wanted me to encourage him to do things too. You always complain when I do the dishes and put them away but then I complain when he wakes me up drying the dishes and everything. But if I do the dishes he doesn't put them away unless there's a point where he can't seemingly wake me up doing it - it feels really bizarre.

I tried to encourage him to do the laundry over the weekend but then he thought that meant I couldn't do my laundry and didn't know how to put away towels.

So I tried to say to him that I would put away the towels when I got back from Tesco. But he misunderstood me to think I was asking him the opening times of Tesco and then decided to come storming into my room when I was trying to calm down from the earlier misunderstanding. And he does that throughout the night.

Constantly feel on edge and like I can't relax. A long time ago my bestie told me to give my dad slack but the second I do that and try to relax my dad will freak out...

I know I'm not really making much sense or putting things into order right now.

I do really need to sleep.

Exhausted.

Heres Swifty cos of what my dad said.

Call the police because I want to listen to Taylor Swift as a way to calm down and focus? Would they not say that's like a prank call? Lol 🤣 I'm hungry now!

Also the living tombstone because I have another rant about my dad brewing 😭🤯

[thedeviousdevilxx]

Just some personal musings underneath lol

I'm not a deeply insecure person but neither am I a very confident person but I am very aware of how my living situation, and over all "life", and decor choices really doesn't paint me as a typical "adult". What do I mean by that? Well for one, I still live at ~home~. My parents are divorced and my mom got the house, and I've continued living here. I pay rent, even while I was in university, I continued to contribute to the household expenses, since my mom owns the house, basically towards taxes, insurance, utilities, as well as towards groceries. Besides that, I pay and buy everything else myself. Most adults however do tend to move out around 18 or sometime later, but eventually do move out at some point. And to be honest, I never felt the need to. (excluding when I lived in NZ with my sister for two years)

For a single women like me, my choices even if I wanted to move out would be, spend a significant amount on rent to live alone, in a tiny apartment, live with a roommate, stranger or friend, or live with a romantic partner. I don't date, never had in the traditional sense, I'm not inclined to people like that? People exhaust me but that's another story. The idea of living with someone I don't know freaks me the fuck out, and a friend doesn't seem ideal either as I worry it would ruin the friendship, and my friend's I do have, I've seen the way they live and yeah no, it'd be a disaster.

The insecure part of me worries how I'm perceived, more so by friends and family, as I've somehow failed attaining adulthood in the way Western culture views adulthood. I'm single, never seriously dated, I live at home, and another aspect of adulthood in how one decorates their home/apartment/bedroom etc. And my bedroom personally looks like a teen from the 80s, music and movie posters galore!

When you look at most "adult" rooms, the decor is cohesive, or at least with minimal decor on the walls, a painting, or family photos, or some other kind of photography, basically like an Ikea room setup or what you find in decor magazines. There might even be a color scheme! Not a bunch of rock stars on the wall.

There are parts of adulthood in the traditional sense I have achieved, I've worked since I was 13, starting with babysitting, then getting my first official job at 16 and been employed full and part time since then, only going unemployed for a few months and that's when I first moved to NZ and was just traveling, then after leaving NZ back to Canada during COVID and trying to find work (took me three terrible months and over 40 applications to get work!). I've graduated university. I pretty much do everything on my own for the most part, and am self sufficient, only relying on my mom occasionally. Perhaps we can co-dependent in some ways, but in this capitalistic hellscape, truly relying on oneself for everything is a struggle, which I don't wish on anyone but I do know some people do not have any support, or enough. Being single in this world is fucking expensive, so the more confident side of me realizes that as mother and daughter living together suits both of us quite fine, and it beneficial in many ways. She doesn't struggle financially and has semi-retired from work, and I sometimes get home cooked meals, and has a tolerable roommate, and my own full space that is my own.

And yet I feel given what is standard and fairly normal for people my age 30+, to be married, having kids or have kids, engaged, dating, living on their own, or with their partner, that I am somehow a very defective adult. That I'm lingering in some space between teenagehood and adulthood, that I'm not actually mature because I have not achieved these milestones of "standard adulthood".

I do however interrogate these feelings, and realize, that there is a lot of variety to what being an adult means, that there is no one way to BE an adult, and yet a lot do follow this path of adulthood, many because of how they are raised, what they want out of life(marrige & kids), some have no choice (getting booted from the home at 18 is something I learned happens a lot), or have a horrid home life that leaving is the best option for them to thrive. And also I know a lot has to do with economics. Recently there has been more attention paid to adults moving back home with their parents, or multi-general households becoming a thing now (I know it's common elsewhere in the world, but Canada, not so much at least not over the past 40+ years, and we're probably seeing this too due to immigration from countries where grandparents, parents and kids all live together is the norm) because cost of living has skyrocketed, along with unemployment, stagnating wages etc has made households struggle financially.

Anways there is no point to this post, other than I struggle between being quite content with my life, and living situation, and feeling insecure about it given how far outside the norm of adulthood I find myself in. I feel because I neither desire marriage, kids, or owning a home, that I am not fully an adult in the American/Canadian sense of adulthood. As a cis women, that also brings a whole slew of expectations, and yet my family has never ever pressured me into any of these roles which I am thankful and why I can live the way I want to.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Fantasy and Reality

I've been seeing a quarter of my 12 or so friends here posting about the fantasy of D/s and kink versus the reality of living a D/s life, and how so much of what they see on D/s tumblr (where I'm absent now, except for seeing what my friends post) doesn't make clear what is fantasy versus what is reality, and how this can be harmful for newcomers. So I've been thinking about this a lot lately for that reason.

When I was 'present' (I'm still flummoxed as to why anyone thought I ever had a 'presence' but I guess it was real?) in the D/s community here for a few years, I very rarely shared anything sex or kink related, because the reality of my life (and I think many other D/s/kinky lives) is that it's not sex or kink-centered. And I didn't want newcomers drawn in by the fantasies to think that was reality.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with fantasy; not even anything wrong with sharing fantasy; I do it all the time. I write fiction. I read other people's fiction. Erotic and otherwise. I indulge in my own fantasies that I've never fully shared, even in fiction, with anyone really except J. Because some of them are dark and controversial, and I don't want anyone for a second to have any doubts that they are grounded in any sort of reality for me. Or J. They're really hot to think about (for me/us; not everyone). But honestly, we don't *really* want them. That's why they're fantasies. When we fantasize about anything, we only think about the positives. We think about the taste of the pizza and donuts at every meal; we think about the fun we'd have and the good we'd do spending all that lottery money; we think about the chemical rush of extreme kink, without regard for the negative aspects of all those things (they do all have them). Eventually, you're going to gain too much weight and start having bad blood test results at the doctor eating like that; eventually, people will begin asking and expecting you to financially support their bad decisions and whims with that lottery money; eventually someone is going to get some form of hurt (physically/health-wise, mentally/emotionally, in trouble with law enforcement, socially ostracized, unemployed). And beyond that, I truly believe after a while of making it an actual reality, it wouldn't be special anymore, like it was when it was a fantasy. I get bored eating the same thing every day...even if it's pizza and donuts. Eventually, the money would run out or dealing with the money would get old, or it would change us in negative ways as people (there are studies about that), or all of that. Maybe even the extreme kink would get dull.

I remember when I was a kid, there were a couple of cartoons (I think Garfield was one of them) and/or children's books or something that showed the dark sides of euphoric fantasies. "No more Mondays." Well eventually, Garfield finds out that Mondays are when his owner goes back to work to get the money to pay the mortgage for the cozy home they live in and the electricity for the TV he loves to watch, and the goes shopping for the food Garfield loves to eat. Without Monday...a lot of shit went south. "Christmas Every Day" Again, the kids love this for a while, but not only are they stacking up leftovers that are going to waste cooking a giant turkey feast with 8 desserts every day, but Mom and Gramma are tired and aggravated from having to do it every day; the extended family is fighting all the time being together every day; Dad is anxious about buying all those gifts and having all those extra lights on all the time, not working to make up the money. And the kids are actually getting bored and irritable too. Maybe Christmas isn't as special if it happens every day.

I've been thinking about some of my own kink fantasy (which I think would be surprisingly extreme to some of the people who read this, honestly...another reason I don't frivolously share it), and how the romanticized ideal in my head would certainly not be reality. At the very least, even barring any of the Big Negatives happening, I think, like most other reality, J and I would eventually become complaisant about it. Reality does that. Routines form. Sameness and routine create comfort, but they also create ruts you can't grow in. That's why we need both reality and fantasy. And that's why there needs to be a difference between reality and fantasy.

Fantasy gives us ideas for how to make things better or more bearable or more fun; it gives us ways to escape and cope with a harsh or frustrating or monotonous reality. We can take select pieces of fantasy at select times to make our realities better or easier to deal with. But we wouldn't want to live inside a fantasy; when it becomes reality, the cracks start showing. And reality is what makes fantasy special. Most of us need some kind of a routine and security and trust we can fall into without thinking about it sometimes. A reality you can exist inside without being full throttle and 'on' all the time. Ever notice how fantasy is always full throttle? You're always at bat with the bases loaded and two outs in the bottom of the ninth in a fantasy, and you ALWAYS hit the grand slam. That's rare in reality. And that's what makes the fantasy special. But reality is, no one can exist that way all the time. We all have coasting times/days/years.

We need fantasy and reality, and we do need to acknowledge the difference.

[daydreaming-girl-in-purple]

Here we go again. I stayed at my house Wednesday as planned but there was kinda a family emergency so I stayed another night. Friday night I came back to his house and Saturday morning we were to get to the markets as we normally do.

The trip out was fine. However when we went to the other market, he started revealing that he was upset that he didn't have food prepped by me this week... he kept going as we were in the market and even more so as we went home.

There was plenty of food for him to eat when he got home. There just wasn't a prepped breakfast or lunch. I even had granola made that he said he could eat for breakfast last night so idk why he didn't while it was super fresh and I wasn't there.

He kind of is saying that I'm not holding up my side of the deal. The deal was he'd split his paycheck with me if I did the cooking and the accounting and most of the cleaning while he went to work. This isn't the first time he threatened to quit his job because of my "actions." I'm getting sick of it.

I'm tired of being treated like I'm lazy. Sure I have more time to myself but I have to constantly be thinking about if he quits his job again or if he'll be satisfied with the food. There is constantly anxiety hanging over me. I get to the point most times where I can't bring myself to do anything.

I've also been watching my nephews on top of this and he knew this was just going to be until winter when their dad would be home with them.

I try to give myself to the people in my life but I end up being a disappointment. He said last night that his life was complicated and eventually complained I wasn't being affectionate. I'll give him credit for apologizing and trying to be nice. However I just stayed in the room all day bc he and his brother had friends over and I was embarrassed and crying. So while I tried to hide my spiral got worse and I hated being such a disappointment to everyone. For instance, since I couldn't start watching my nephews early in the morning, my sister was going in late as agreed upon. However my former boss doesn't like this and tried to get my sister to convince me to be earlier.

Bf's brother is disappointed in me bc I won't make organic soup for their sister who is sick. However there were way too many requirements that didn't make sense to me. It takes a lot for me to figure out stuff I haven't done before. Then there's the fact the said brother is constantly bashing the kitchen and blaming me for it. Then last night bf said he was walking his brother over to their other brother's house. I jokingly said "oh so you can make sure he doesn't come back." And bf got mad and said my attitude towards his brother needed to stop. It was weird bc all this time I've been upset over his brother's comments and how thye affected me but I make a silly comment after being down all day and suddenly I'm horrible? Not to mention that they all complain about him all the time but I'm not allowed to.

I feel like I'm just a house worker. I don't they appreciate me. I think because I'm unemployed, they all think I'm not doing anything. I just try to stay out of the way especially since it's clear I can't do anything right or efficiently enough...

[aod4909]

One through thirty (if you can) for the "Hi, I'm not from the US" ask set :D ♥

Wow let me make some tea first*makes tea and sips it dramatically*here we go!damn, this took a while to write… mostly because I spent 2hours laughing at anecdotes but…

I HOPE YOU ARE PREPARED!

1. favourite place in your country? I’m honestly incapable of picking.

2. do you prefer spending your holidays in your country or travel abroad? HOLIDAYS ARE TO BE SPEND WITH FAMILY, GO TO CHURCH AND EAT YOU LITTLE SHIT! xD But what about summe-ORTHODOX CHURCH HAS THAT COVERED TOO

3. does your country have access to sea?

4. favourite dish specific for your country? most would go with souvlaki and gyros but I’ll go with most things they serve in fish taverns x)

5. favourite song in your native language? I don’t listen to Greek music like at all :| a shame really cause we have a lot of amazing musicians. I’ll go with Κάγκελα Παντού  by Πανούσης (who passed recently, may he raise hell wherever he is ♥) It’s that one song that most people know. Back on September at art exams we were hanging in the cafeteria and my friend started singing it and the entire place joined him x) or those who were over 25 and their parents’ was listening to it cause it’s old af…

6. most hated song in your native language? the majority of them? XDDDD Idk I really fucking hate everything that’s popular here… then again I pretty much hate what’s popular everywhere but whatever x)

7. three words from your native language that you like the most? ντιβανοκασέλα ειμαρμένη ταλανίζω and all the new words we keep making every day like my own word for coat racks “καμπαρντινοκαπελιέρα”

8. do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom? Idk what image you get when you think greek people but let me tell you we are diverse af… Like my friend is dark skinned with black hair, deep brown eyes and busy eyebrows (prob what you would imagine) but I’m white as milk with brown hair that turns reddish/yellowish in the sun and brown eyes, my grandma has blue\purple eyes (fuck my DNA) my cousin has green eyes and light brown hair (fuck my DNA στο τετράγωνο), my other friend is a redhead… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ What I usually hear from my people is that they were told that they don’t look “Greek enough”

9. which of your neighbouring countries would you like to visit most/know best? I’ve been to Bulgaria so far and I’d like to visit Constantinople some day. What? It’s called Istanbul these days? No, in Greece it.is.not.

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language? You’ve heard about how spanish is amazing for swearing? Greek is too! (για να λέμε την αλήθεια σα το ελληνικό το μπινελίκι άλλο τίποτα, καθαρίζ’ η ψυχή ‘ς) And we swear a motherfucking lot… and we have great imagination too

11. favourite native writer/poet? I still feel school is too fresh and I kinda “hate” everything we studied and it’s a freaking shame… I’ll pick Ευγένιος Τριβιζάς who writes children’s books because I can still read them and enjoy them! And he made my childhood better!

12. what do you think about English translations of your favourite native prose/poem? I kinda believe that poetry can’t be translated…Like when I read Poe in greek it sounds silly to me even though the translation is pretty good… the words don’t have the same meaning, you know…But that could be just me… I mean I’m learning Polish so I can one day read the witcher books properly xD

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders?

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

We celebrate name days! birthdays too but name day is more important cause the church said so. (and if your parents dared give you a name that is not a name God himself would give you, and most importantly if it isn’t the name of your grandma or grandpa (even if they already have three grandchildren named after them) bitch think again we are gonna call you Maria now! or Eleni/Yannis/Giorgos.

If someone says something like “tomorrow your parents are gonna die what will you do?” you hit the wood to avoid jinx (often the person who says it hits the wood as they say it…)

Friday the 13th is a normal day to us! It’s Tuesday the 13th that is unlucky (cause that’s when Constantinople fell)

If in a conversation two people say the same word at the same time you gotta say “touch red” and you have to touch something red… idk why….

Talismans! to protect you from the evil eye, or bring good luck. They are usually a small eye shaped thing or crosses but it can be anything that has been blessed :P I know mothers who got pens from the church that were blessed so their kid would pass the exams T________T

Now if you do get the evil eye (like if someone was looking at you and talked/thought a lot about you (good or bad) and you get a headache you pretty much call your grandma for “ξεμάτιασμα”. It’s a ritual of shorts that you put water in a small cup and cross it repeatedly while you say a prayer and put drops of olive oil in it. And the oil will either stay in drops or dissolve in the water… the person who does the whole thing starts yawning during it and they then get the headache the other person had. My uncle calls my grandma EVERY.SIGNLE.DAY. Oh and you have to learn that prayer on a specific day. Only women can learn it and they have to write it down and give it to a man to give it to the woman that wants to learn it or some shit?!?!?!?

also grandmas tend to cross you and spit (they don’t actually spit they pretend …some do spit actually) on you so nothing bad will happen to you

We also tend to spit ourselves if someone speaks of misfortune…

Did you sneeze? Someone is talking about you :^) Ask someone to tell you 3 numbers put them together and count the alphabet. The letter is the first of the name of the person who’s talking about you.

Did someone come to your house and you want him gone? No problem get some salt and sprinkle it behind them!

Is that a priest? Kiss his hand! But wait! Is he on the street?? Σκόρδα! (garlic)

Actually, say σκόρδα!! whenever something bad is said and you’re good

Are your palms itchy? Great!!! You’ll get money!

Is your nose itchy? You’ll get beaten…

Is it christmas or easter? You gotta call ALL your relatives! yes and that ninth cousin you haven’t seen since you were 5. Btw Easter is the most important holiday of the year and we celebrate it on a different day than the rest of the world cause fuck you we know better XD (idk what the actual reason is I’m not religious) oh and there’s a 40day fast before the easter binge!

There are SO MANY superstitions and traditions in this country it should be illegal!!! And everywhere you go they have more and more and more and jesus fucking christ Y____Y in villages they tend to get annoying pretty fast.

14. do you enjoy your country’s cinema and/or TV? I don’t watch tv or movies, but I know of two pretty good comedies atm.There used to be so many amazing shows that I will keep rewatching till I die!S1ngles gotta be my fave ♥ and it’s been 10 years since it ended ;__;

15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get?that will be 90% of them? But here are some not so funny? I found…

16. which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with?

I’ve heard that we are lazy.

Well let me tell you that my grandfather started working when he was 7years old. He was working every day, weekends too! All day and on holidays! And I’m talking hard work here, building houses. He also got mostly deaf from an accident at work and the bones on his right hand started to… idk what it is but it’s from too much work and he needs painkillers (He was never paid extra for that btw) Now he “retired” the government gives him enough money to pay bills, taxes and live for 15 days… he is 82 years old and he still works with no insurance now of course, so he can pay doctors and get through the rest of the month.My mum is a chemist. She leaves for work at 7:30 in the morning and comes back anywhere between 18:00 to 20:00 (depends how fucked up are the roads are today :^) sometimes she works on Saturdays, she is owed around 2k euros from her job and over a month in days-off and whenever she gets them they call her at home to ask her questions cause apparently nobody there knows how to do the job! Oh, she also does private math/physics/chemistry lessons to students after work so she can come home at 22:00 and then cook :^)My dad is officially unemployed (but still has to pay income taxes!!!! cause this is Greece! and shit like that make sense!) and he works with no insurance at my uncle’s store. He also often works on Saturdays.And my family is doing kinda “ok”

Then you have those fucks that sit on their chair all day long, playing Farmville and get overpaid for it, or they just steal it ;P In fact our government consist solely of such fucks!

Now guess who everyone sees and says “all greeks are like that!” I heard that we blame Germany or anyone else that isn’t us. I heard that we don’t value our money or shit.Well, there are a lot of people like that, here and everywhere. The problem is that stupid people are loud af… So you only get to hear them and their stupid opinions that they pulled out of their asses.

A small part of me was glad Trump was elected, cause now yall Americans know what it’s like :\

17. are you interested in your country’s history? yes and no? It’s been shoved down my throat so much that I need a long break before it gets interesting again… I’m mostly interested in ancient Greece.  Byzantium is the most boring shit I’ve ever had the displeasure to study and more recent history… I could be interested but boy school made it that way that whenever I hear the name Ελευθέριος Βενιζέλος I want to throw up.Plus the whole thing “our ancestors made this and that and I today should get credit for” pisses me the fuck off

18. do you speak with a dialect of your native language?  Sometimes, my mum is from the Serres(North) and if I go there I’m from Athens! but when I’m here and something slips they look at me funny like where are you from?

19. do you like your country’s flag and/or emblem? what about the national anthem? Our flag is ok I guess :P Our anthem is beautiful but I don’t like the tune… don’t tell anyone they’re gonna kill me, I lack patriotism tbh…at least compared to everyone here XD

20. which sport is The Sport in your country? Football I guess? In my house it’s basketball. sports and I never heard of each other…

21. if you could send two things from your country into space, what would they be? *cough* Τα γαμημένα σεμεδάκια της γιαγιάς που είναι πάνω στη τηλεόραση… και τη Βουλή. *cough*

22. what makes you proud about your country? what makes you ashamed?Our compassion makes me proud ♥ Like with the refuges- and when I say “we” I don’t mean the government. I mean the everyday people who barely get by themselves and will still share what little they have with those in need.

And then there isthose people. The stupid, lazy, racist, egotistical etc, pieces of shit… That tend to be all those things together at the same time

One thing that is certain in this forsaken country is that the good, hard working people, the innocent and those who follow the rules and respect everyone are those who will be cheated, taken advantage of, beaten to the ground, get punished and suffer. The heartless bastards will be given a praise and a raise.

23. which alcoholic beverage is the favoured one in your country? We have some good wine here ;) and Ouzo and my fave Tsipouro, cause it does the job and smells amazing.

24. what other nation is joked about most often in your country? Well…. everyone?? xD I’m sorry

25. would you like to come from another place, be born in another country? Sometimes… I love my country, I love the land itself, the people, our culture sometimes gets on my nerves… and it hurts me so unbelievably much how this it is treated… but it’s mine you know? Even if I often feel like I don’t really belong here… And even though I would love to live abroad I doubt I could… I would just miss us…και η πίτα της γιαγιάς με κούριερ δε λέει ρε

26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal?

I don’t really watch many movies so I wouldn’t know what little they say about us… but like they usually get some shots of a club with people partying non-stop on an island and that is true… non-stop parties for tourists is how they stay alive :P

27. favourite national celebrity? Μαρία Σολωμού  I love that woman and her hair ♥ and her voice and face and personality ;-; She’s been my celebrity crush since I was a kid

28. does your country have a lot of lakes, mountains, rivers? do you have favourites? a lot of all of the above and no I don’t have faves, I haven’t even seen half of them.

29. does your region/city have a beef with another place in your country? Look… if you find one place in the entire country that doesn’t have a beef with someone it’s probably in Crete and that’s because they killed them.

30. do you have people of different nationalities in your family?If by family you mean close relatives, no. But if you mean it the greek way… yes quite a few… but I don’t pay attentions when my grandma tells me the family news x)

THAT WAS LONG AF. AND TOOK ME HOURS but it was fun lol If you read it congratulations! If i made mistakes… fuck you I ain’t reading it again XD