#i digress hi ashley i just wanted to make a little something for you

[cosmicdreamgrl]

hobi x lys in osaka for @taehyunghobi [ cr: namuspromised ]

[lizardinkart]

Prologue Arc: Glow-Worm

I’m just gonna start this off with a running counter of how many times this story emotionally damages me to the point of tears because so far- ouch (but in a good way):

Lizard Cry Counter: 1

TL;DR: A pleasant romp through the familiar world of Parahumans and how it’s changed, who the new players are, and where Victoria is at the start of her emotional arc.

Alright, let’s get wormin’. 

The World: Parahumans Online was a really good way to open the story and a great vehicle to reintroduce the reader to the world of Parahumans. It’s been a hot minute since Gold Morning and everyone is Fucked Up about it (understandably so), and it has also been a few months since I’ve finished Worm so I’ve also had a hot sec to stew on the ethical implications of the ending of the book and Taylor’s whole ish.  I have thoughts and feelings about the introduction of the Megalopolis known heretofore as “The City” (I think?), but super New York/LA is some worldbuilding that is baffling me because how do you people make food for an entire country if everyone’s squeezed into one big city?????? How did you throw up a country-sized city in TWO YEARS???????

The Characters: But digression about societal infrastructure and the importance of rural communities aside, I enjoyed the little vignettes of all the new (and old) characters that will be important in the story. It was deeply annoying that I had to look up who everyone was because they refuse to use anything other than screen names (I had to look up Victoria for god’s sake- wtf Wildbow come on man), and also accidentally ended up seeing spoilers for some people that like hhhh annoyed but nevertheless we persist. So my thoughts on the New/Old guys:

Already love Kenzie, she is very small. Glow-worm is Kenzie propaganda and I am not immune.

Ashley (there are numbers, apparently?) is like if Bitch fused with Megamind. ”oooOOOOoOoOO I’m a villainnnnn! Stay out of my wayyyyy!!!” is intimidating and all but “I think I hate the internet with the very core of my being” just makes me want to pat her head while she threatens to bite me. A quick fave I love feral little guys. 

Tristan is doing Dubious Shit (idk why one of the first things we had to know about him is that he was Latino, sigh, but Wildbow’s gotta Wildbow I guess) but I wanna know the beef between him and his old team and what exactly this human-trafficking-ass shenaniganery he’s up to is. ~Proceeds to wait over half the story~

Chris is introverted to the point of pain and I love him but I can Only see him proceeding in the story by digging his own grave (ex- rejecting Kenzie in Thee most assholeish way possible. Kicking him). Also saw Some spoilers for him so uhhhhh, oof.

Oh so THIS is the Rain people won’t shut up about... yeah, he’s a skrungly little guy I can see it. “The Clusters Made Me Gay” theory is something I am begging comes into play

And love of my life, Sveta, makes her glorious return and I am kissing her little head and arms and arms and arms and arms and... But for real the absolute Hate within the Case 53/Monster Cape community for Sveta and my little guy Weld has me in tatters. Be nice to Sveta!!!!

Ok so all that out of the way- time to talk about Vicky! (It’s a lot, sorry guys lol)

The New Main Character: I liked the slow buildup of everything we really need to know about Victoria and where she is at this point in her life in this prologue. I appreciated that we learn about her attempts at grad school and the fact that after being unblobified  (which I didn’t know had happened until I literally had to ask my friends so minus points for making me think “Point_Me_@_The_Sky” was a poignant and sad ref to her being stuck as a blob and reliant on others, missing the days when she could fly, and not just a Deep Pull Pink Floyd reference lol) she is still in a Bad place. Even if she can hold it together for the most part.

What I also appreciate about Victoria is that she is very clearly no longer Glory Girl. That’s been the theme of this entire prologue is that this is NOT Worm anymore. Taylor is gone, the world has moved on, and the people who survived are picking up the pieces. Victoria going from being confident and a little cocky/snarky has given way to someone who is hurt and bitter and defensive in a very aggressive way. The way she ripped apart Madison was cathartic, but in the way that she was definitely saying the first thing you think of saying to someone that has wronged you that you end up walking back because sometimes, hurt has a funny way of making us want to hurt other people overmuch and maybe unfairly. 

Victoria’s kindness towards/refusal to completely condemn Taylor shows her character and willingness to see the best in people, even after they’ve done the worst, but telling Madison this next section does a lot of work to show her hand:

“I don’t believe in forgive & forget. Not for the things I’ve done. not for what others have done to people I care about. Not for what’s been done to me. The moment we forget is the moment we allow those wrongs to be done again. Forgiveness is the easy way out. Less to carry” (Ward 0.9)

This was the section where I just kinda had to pause the audiobook and sit and cry on my bathroom floor for a second because damn. If that’s not some Actual shit that I have been dealing with my entire life. It’s the mindset you get to when you are hurt over and over and over to the point where you just carry the burden of the people who have hurt you that continue to torment you because after a while, you don’t think you deserve better. You think you deserve to hold onto this weight because it’s a comforting weighted blanket you don’t realize is suffocating you until you can’t breathe anymore. 

Taylor was someone who saw everyone around her as on Thin Fucking Ice, either ally or enemy, and would fly to violence if someone so much as sneezed. It’s the kicked puppy effect, where she’s expecting to be kicked from every angle and therefore won’t let anyone get close, taking any chance to assume the worst about someone. 

Victoria, on the other hand, is someone who has recognized that people are complicated, but that only makes it worse because that instinct to hack and slash is tempered by her rationality and need to perform in society as someone who is put together. It’s the therapy effect, where your empathy fights your anger and justified hurt because you know that all people have good and bad in them, but SHIT don’t you wish that the fucker that hurt you was 100% evil and you could just hate them instead of letting them continue to hurt you. It’s a festering rage that fits the themes of disgust I already know Parahumans deals in, and it, as far as I can see, is setting up a story fundamentally about living with/moving past trauma and its associated depression.

And I love it! Like shit if this isn’t relatable! And as someone who is intimately familiar with the arc of Taylor-eque knee-jerk distrust to Victoria-like bitterness and pain to actually being able to let shit go and live without that constant corrosive pain and trauma? FUCK it’s something I am really looking forward to. 

I don’t need Victoria to be 100% fixed by the end of this, but even if this whole story is her spiral before her step forward, I think I will be happy with it. 

The End: Anyway- that was a lot longer than I intended it to be, but I hope y’all enjoyed my rambling thoughts! I’m about to start working through Daybreak so hopefully I will either find a way to make these smaller or break them up by chapters/half-arcs because as much as I like writing a lot, I understand that reading a lot is taxing! (But this is the Wildbow fandom so... y’all are probably used to it by now lol)

But yes: Let me know your thoughts in the notes/comments/reblogs/my asks/etc because I can tell I still have a Ton to say and it’s only the prologue... oof. 

Ward- out.✨

Aight fuckers I started Ward

Idk if people actually want like liveblogs or anything BUT I may post unhinged thoughts at the end of each arc in the rbs to this post. Because what is an art blog where I post art once every 3rd month if I don’t spam people with my unfiltered thoughts about a long af sequel to one of my favorite books ever?

Anyway Glow Worm is slapping so far and as soon as they booted up Parahumans Online it felt like home (despite having never used Reddit in my life lol). I’m already buzzing.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E86 (Nov. 26, 2019)

And we’re off! Tonight’s guests are the long-awaited Ashley Johnson and Matt Mercer! “Tonight, Ashley’s back, Ashley’s back, and Ashley’s back... we’ll break it all down tonight with my guest, Ashley.”

Announcements: Pretty new dice and pinup calendar now in the store! The recording of the Austin live show (The Adventures of the Darrington Brigade!) will be streaming on Twitch on Friday at 7 PM Pacific, and the VOD will be available on YouTube on Sunday! The fundraising campaign with OSD is still live! There will be no episode of Critical Role this week and no episode of Talks Machina next week because of the holiday.

Even a brief Meat Loaf digression can’t stop us, so it’s time for...

Episode 86: The Cathedral

Stats for this week’s episode: Yasha was under Obann’s control for 59 days. Obann is Yasha’s 14th HDYWTDT. Caleb set the campaign record for most damage dealt in a single turn: 449 damage. Matt rolled his 120th Natural 20 this campaign against Cad’s Blight spell on the caedogeist.

While Ashley was away, there were a few different paths that could’ve dictated how things would’ve gone while she was away: being under Obann’s sway meant she mostly got updates from Matt about what was happening, and Ashley would give her reactions to those experiences (Matt references the Purple Man in Jessica Jones for how twisted her perception was). Ashley: “Matt gave me a breakdown of things that have been happening in our world, Obann and the caedogeist and the Laughing Hand and Yasha. It’s heavy, but I feel like it really was the best way to leave the campaign, it felt a little bit more organic than even the last time, with Pike.” Matt and Ashley both emphasize that there’s a connection between Obann and Yasha pre-campaign.

Matt knew from the beginning that there would be a Tharizdun-based narrative, but he let the tie-ins to this particular story evolve naturally. “I knew there would be an aspect of Tharizdun essentially catfishing a bunch of other cults.”

How aware was Yasha of what she was doing? “I believe she was fully aware, just no control of her body or the things that she was doing.” But having Obann as her only companion for so long was definitely a factor. Matt: “It wasn’t like he took control of you and was like, do my bidding. He was very, trying to talk her up. ‘You’re chosen for a reason, you’re special, you’re one of the harbingers chosen for the angel...’ It’s a very fucked-up relationship.”

Based on who the group spoke to in Zadash, they could’ve had some help from the Gentleman, Dolan, the High Richter... but things happened to throw down in Pumat’s shop. “You know, he’s already been pulled into this fray a bit. I already have the minis painted...” Dani points out that his presence brought some much-needed levity. Until the end of the episode, at least...

Whose reactions are Yasha most worried about? Beau, after the way the fight went. “That was one of the most stressful moments I’ve ever had in a game.” Ashley texted Brian in the middle of the game: “If I’d killed Beau I’d have just killed myself.” Especially after what happened with her wife, and all the lives she’s taken, that would have been the last straw. She’s also aware that there’s tension with Fjord. “I think even before there was some distrust that Fjord had with Yasha a bit. But I think still with everybody, it’s knowing what she’s done at this point, and just playing against them and fighting them. She’ll deal with the weight of that for a while, and just be like, how can I make it up to you?” Ashley does want to find a way to turn it around to make Yasha a little bit happy in there. “I was just like, oh, I’ve made something very sad!”

The dispel wasn’t a sure thing by any means. “I had set it as a fifth-level domination effect for the purposes of dispelling. There was a chance that they were going to succeed and destroy the shackle and continue on to wherever the next one would be, in which case Yasha would carry on with them.” In that case, Ashley could’ve played an ancillary character in the meantime. Even if Obann had been killed, that connection would’ve remained, but his fear at the end of his life was the Chained Oblivion’s punishment awaiting: the removal of his fiendish form.

Cosplay of the Week! Ashley sings a new theme song: “Sew it all together! (deadpan) Take a picture.” This week’s winner was an amazing Vax, WittyWyndi on Twitter!

“I think, of course, being herself again and being in control of all of her actions, I think there is an element of wanting to run because you’re not wanting to deal with the problems, but I think she’s been doing it for so long... I think she’s very afraid to be alone. And that was one of the things that kept coming up in all the games and things Matt was telling me. Man, if I think about the future of this character, and if she comes out of this, what would you feel, being under someone’s influence and then being around your family? I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be alone.” Brian: “Isolation is an incubator that turns mistakes into habits.” Ashley: “I feel like I relate to that, because as a hermit and a very introverted person, I feel like my go-to is to run away or say I’m not going to deal with this. So maybe that’s a little therapy in the game, can I sit in this and still be with people who are upset with me? Obviously it’s being in a community and dealing with people, that’s a much better way than to deal with something alone. I’m going to try to tackle that in the game and see. Who knows, she might freak out and just run.”

Ashley, on coming back to the west coast for good: “I feel like I’ve been away at sea.” Brian: “Yeah, NBC.”

Gods are more present in this campaign only because there are much more deity-connected characters. Matt tries to avoid too much divine influence in his campaigns to make sure players still have the majority of the agency and don’t tend to use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card. 

Comcast is installing fiber in my neighborhood and brief service outages may occur. This fun fact brought to you by the little spinning wheel that just interrupted Matt for a minute. Thanks, Comcast.

More gods in a campaign means more complications on Matt’s end. “There are a lot of deities in the Pantheon, and there are lesser idols in the world, entities that aren’t gods per se but that hold elements of some divine power. Playing in that space is fun, but I don’t want to overcrowd it necessarily.”

On getting the kill on Obann: “It was just so exciting to come back to the table, and you love the HDYWTDT moment from Matt, but I think for Yasha there’s a lot of weirdness to it. Just because you kill the thing that has been torturing you doesn’t mean you’re free from that trauma. I don’t think she’s satisfied yet.” But it was super satisfying for Ashley as a player!

There was a part of Matt that wanted Obann to survive a little longer, because there was “more shit he could do.” If he’d managed to get four people into place, it would’ve immediately started the ritual, those four would have been paralyzed and their AC would have been dramatically boosted, and the M9 would have had one round to try to stop it by killing one of the people in the square before everyone involved in the ritual would have been instantly killed. Brian: “You’re a sick and twisted and terrible man and I want to kiss you.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing Yasha in the cathedral by Neverdraws on Twitter!

If the party had revealed who Obann was really working for (he was unaware up until the very end), that was potentially a different direction things could have gone. Ashley: “Yasha doesn’t know yet.” Matt: “The only thing Yasha knows about the Angel of Irons is what it did to Obann.”

Ashley asked Matt whether Yasha would know whether the other members of the party were controlled, and Matt had her roll to see what she picked up on. Matt: “It may come out in the game.”

The description of the new breastplate was just to emphasize that Obann had kitted her out to help her be a stronger ally for him. Whether she keeps it is up to her.

Which of the changes in the M9 are going to take the most getting used to? “This feels a little bit like me coming home, where it’s like you’re away for a while, then you’re like, things are so different. I think it’s just adjusting. She’ll see the relationships, the tattoos, Fjord’s-- the accent thing we didn’t get into in game the other night, but Yasha noticed. We’ll see how it plays out in game and how everyone treats Yasha and how everyone responds to that, whether it’s positive reinforcement or negative. I feel like the positive reinforcement’s going to be tougher.”

On people getting emotionally attached to NPCs: “It catches me off-guard sometimes. I’m just excited that people are as invested in them as I am. With that particular Pumat moment, it made me excited that everyone else was as OH GOD NO at the table as I was.”

[beware-of-you-98]

JENNIFER👏JAREAU👏DESERVED👏BETTER👏

✨it’s rant time✨

buckle up lads bc it’s gonna be a doozy 

tw// suicide mention, tw// canon typical cm violence, tw// je— 🤢 jei—🤢🤢 i can’t even fucking say it 🤢🤢🤢 je*d

so yesterday i was watching criminal minds again (wow shocker) again for the first time in like,,,, 3 months??? [that’s not important] on weTV (which was just so happening to air reruns from season 3) and there was one thing that really stuck out to me that i didn’t necessarily think about much until i went into work today

season 3, episode 15 “a higher power” shows the team going up to pittsburgh to investigate a spike in suicides rates in the community under the suspicion that it’s the work of a serial killer (okay, cool, normal fucked up every day BAU life, nothing really sus there)

but what really kinda just hit me out of the blue today was just.... how unaffected jj was by the whole case in general

the team is maybe at most, a few hours away from her hometown, with the main topic of the case being surrounded by multiple suicides and taking her past into consideration (she’s literally a stone’s throw away from her hometown where she lost her sister to suicide) and yet she just.... remains unbothered... she never toys with the necklace around her neck or ever seems uncomfortable despite this case hitting way too close to home

i guess just rewatching this episode really just... opened my eyes into how underdeveloped jj was character wise for a really long time (i mean really we know more about gideon and elle in season 4 than we do jj and they had been gone for at least a season and a half at this point)

i mean.... i guess in in heat we get... something??? when we find out that she’s been seeing will for nearly a year?? cool i guess??? and we do get an episode named after her but really it doesn’t tell us much about her background or dive more into her story other than “oh strauss is forcing me to leave that sucks” but it doesn’t really go much into detail about anything beyond that

oh hotch handpicked her to join the unit but i don’t think it ever gets any deeper than that (when it should have!!!!??!!) [correct me if i’m wrong]]

by season 5 we have a detailed idea about every other character on the team (with the only exception possibly being garcia but i digress)

we know hotch has a younger brother that looks absolutely nothing like him and said brother wants to be a chef

we know rossi came back to the bau because of a cold case that’s gone unsolved for twenty years

we know every year, morgan goes home for his birthday and visits the grave of the john doe he found when he was a teenager

we know way too much about reid and his issues jesus christ

fucking hell we even know about emily’s dark past, how much it still haunts her even before we get the ian doyle arc

even ashley seaver has a deeper storyline than jj at this point like ffs

jj.... well..... she has that boyfriend down in louisiana ig?????

and that’s what becomes annoying

jj’s character really isn’t developed past more than i have a boyfriend and i’m pregnant up until maybe, and that’s a really generous maybe, the episode will gets held hostage at a bank and damn near gets himself killed (we see her with henry.... again, i’m being very generous here)

really, we don’t see jj get any sort of deep development the rest of the team has been getting until 200

i loved seeing her finally get some depth, for her character to finally be treated as if she’s an important asset rather than a pretty face that deals with media

she becomes a character we can sympathize with!!! she has issues and fears and traumas!!! finally!!!

and then they keep expanding on her as the seasons continue!!! like yes!!! this is what i wanted from the beginning!!! jj deserved this!!!

and then

it all comes crashing and burning into a pile of shit with five words

five

words

you know the words so i really don’t have to type them out and become unnecessarily angry

but wtf

all that character development they had spent building up over the years, after finally starting to get the ball rolling to making jj a solid character the writers decided “,,,,,,let’s just boil her down romantic feelings she kept hidden for....reid.” (of all people????? confusion)

the biggest sigh i just let out

first of all, that’s such an overdone trope in hollywood and in modern times we’re sick of it we need way more flavor than that

second of all it just..... ruins jj’s character right there on the spot

a majority (maybe i’m just generalizing) but most people in the fandom are reid stans and of COURSE they’re going to be absolutely livid at that bitch jennifer jareau pulling that card on their favorite little twink

it makes her look like a bitch

and it literally makes no sense whatsoever

they went on one “date” once in season 1 and it’s never mentioned again until jj confides to emily in the bathroom in the first episode of season 14

they have about as much romantic chemistry as two planks of wood

what was so wrong with jj and reid being best friends/having a sibling like relationship (which would have been a big deal for jj!!! to let someone that close again!!!! but no!!!!!!! jj is woman!!!!!! reid is man!!!! they must have romantic chemistry!!!!!! gross)

why did jj have to have hidden romantic feelings for reid

please tell me why that was a thing

and then the writers (probably sensing that they in fact fucked up big time) just kinda.... brush it off in 15

“u were my first love” reid: “oh okay (is sad for the duration of the season)”

it doesn’t fix what happened

it doesn’t change what happened

jj still looks like a huge bitch to a majority of the fandom

and it was overall a completely useless and pointless arc that just set out to completely ruin jj and it’s so infuriating

what was the reason

what was the reason

why u gotta do it to her like that writers

i’m sad jj deserved so much better than what those stinky writers did to her

tldr: jj deserved better

[universal-kitty]

"You know, you're really cute" for you and Sal! 💖🧡 [Robotarmjokes]

soft caring sentence compilation@robotarmjokes

   If someone had told Sal at the crisp, fresh age of 15 that he’d end up dating one day, he would’ve been deeply uncomfortable at the idea alone. Not only because some random person would say it so confidently, but also because the attack from the dog had left him…lacking, in more ways than one. His face was torn apart and his arms hadn’t fared much better (from when he tried to protect himself), so with it had gone his confidence and a large chunk of his self-love, too.

   Just because Sal Fisher could be a positive, uplifting guy, didn’t at all mean it connected to his self. It could connect to his life and how he chose to see the world, but when other people got involved, Sal’s anxiety shot up like a rocket and was just as deafening in it’s sound.

   But Ashley did introduce someone new to him back during high school. Larry had already met her at the time and Todd was elsewhere, speedily on his way to class…so they got to meet in passing.

   Meeting Rachel for the first time… Sal thought she might’ve been related to Ash! Both with about matching brown hair, green eyes, about the same skin tone and soft face with a love for drawing… Even their clothes weren’t too far from each other (at least, as far as Rachel’s preference for long-as-hell sleeves went)! But that new girl was a lot more shy than their resident social butterfly and wearing glasses, to boot.

   Still, it didn’t take long for Sal to like her once she warmed up to them, slowly becoming more energetic and excitable. Ashley brought up their paranormal works and from there, it was history; of course Rachel wanted to be involved! Encounters with ghosts were her thing! Books on it, small experiences of her own…

   Meeting Megan had been a trip for Rachel, though.

   The point was, things worked out amazingly well. She complimented his mask and then they started making mask designs together. Rachel got more involved with the group, which meant more times at Addison Apartments…when not going out for snack runs or getting a meal at a diner more in town. He gravitated toward her, lighting up when they even confessed to the group first the realization of being nonbinary. 

   It felt like home and without much notice, Sal was falling in love.

Senior Year of High School

   “You sure this is okay?”

   “Sal… Please don’t be nervous; you know how empathetic I can be,” they said gently, a laugh in their voice as they kissed his prosthetic cheek. “Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s just cuddles…and we’re not bothering the kids any, either, with our sappy romance stuff. Chill!” He admittedly laughed a little at that, arms tightening around his datemate a little more.

   Almost a year of dating and though plenty of comfort between them…still no less awkward in certain places, for sure. As a key example, the cozy warm cutie in his lap that held him in their arms and who’s warm breath tickled his neck. It wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been- Sal put his hair down and Rachel made it worth it with how much they wouldn’t stop messing with it- but it was still enough to make his prosthetic a little more sweaty than usual and body a little warmer, to boot.

   …Anyways, another key issue was Sal was…kind of in his partner’s room. And they were cuddling on their bed. Sal liked to call himself a gentleman of sorts, but this was creating some less than innocent scenarios in his mind he kept to himself. Even going on a year and with how frank and open Rachel was, that’d still be a bit soon, right…?

   G-GOSH, ANYWAYS. Digressing from the point!      Their stepdad could be a bit of an…issue, despite Sal’s best attempts. Something about gender and the mask… It’s always been an issue, but it somehow hurts a little worse when it’s family, even if only by marriage. (Though he admittedly did feel slightly better to hear Rach doesn’t like him much, either. It’s why they look forward to moving out one day: to get away from him.)

   “…Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?” The question drags Sal from his thoughts, jolting a little as he refocuses and glances down at his partner, who patiently stares up at him. How long had that been going on? Did he look weird? They don’t know he’s still blushing a little under the mask, right?

   “Just hoping your stepdad isn’t going to make an issue of this,” he replies truthfully. What’s to hide, right? Though he has to remind himself to not take it personally when Rachel sighs, rolling their eyes. (He’s just as empathetic and prone to overthinking a tad… They’re worse on their overthinking, though; great on lying, not so great on everything else.)

   “He won’t! Or at least, he better not. The apartments are great an’ all, but I think I might die of embarrassment if your dad or Lisa walked in on us.”

   “…They’re embarrassing, but not your stepdad?” An unseen brow raises under the mask, but his tone conveys all. Rachel shrugs, sheepish.

   “I’m used to his nonsense. Henry’s super cool an’ all, but I still barely know him…or Lisa. So it’s awkward for me.”

   “And yet, he would take us cuddling together better than your stepdad would,” Sal points out, head tilting a bit before pressing his mask gently to her forehead; the mimic of a forehead kiss. Not quite brave enough to show face yet… (Summer break, maybe, Sal kept telling himself.) Not that it mattered; the soft hum of affection they responded with showed the point had been made. Even though Sal was sure he’d be the embarrassed one, if his parents caught them cuddling…. Ugh.

   “I guess,” Rachel mumbles in defeat, turning their head into his chest and cuddling closer to him. He wonders if they hear his heart beating a little faster when they do. Maybe. He’s too nervous to ask.

   …It’s silent for a bit. Their fingers still thread through his blue hair while holding him close and Sal, for a lack of other things to do while in his own head, starts playing with their’s. After all, Rachel’s got long enough hair that he can reach it fairly easily. Maybe not as long as Ashley’s, but enough to tickle his hands when they’re around her lower back. It’s really getting long, since high school…

   Heh, back when they had bangs over their forehead and looked ridiculously adorable. He hadn’t noticed or appreciated it much until it started growing out…but the fringe that now framed their face was pretty nice, too. Hair was shorter, but seems like they haven’t been persistent about the trims like they wanted to.

   Oh well, things happen. Besides, his datemate is still really cute no matter what they do with their hair, huh? Though remembering something else along this topic…

   “You know, you’re really cute.” Rachel stiffened a little, looking up at Sal in surprise and a growing tint of pink on their cheeks. Yeah, kinda like him…they were terrible about receiving compliments.

   “Wh- First of all, where did that come from? Second, no I’m not!!” Ahh, and there’s the denial. As to be expected….not that it’s gonna stop him or anything. Actually, he cuddles them closer, smiling a little when his breath escapes his mask and his partner shivers a little at the warmth that fans over their neck. Nice to know he’s not the only one effected by stuff like that…

   “I was just thinking how cute you were when we first met. Hiding in big t-shirts, jackets, and with those bangs… Even now, you’re really cute.” Sal paused a moment, feeling their body temperature literally go up enough notches to feel. They were so interesting like that. “…Heh. I don’t even have to look at your face to know you’re blushing. That’s even cuter, you know that?”

   “Saaaaallll, stooooopppp…” They whined, trying to wiggle away from him, but Sal knew this song and dance by now; there’d been a time early on where he’d let them go when they struggled…and then had the interesting conversation of, “If I tell you I don’t want it seriously…then I don’t. I know it’s a little confusing, but… I guess you could say I’m a little tsundere; I say things I don’t entirely mean- in the sense of “no” and “stop”- but you’ll know when I really want you to stop.” (Which led to a whole other topic of what being a “tsundere” was, but you know.)

   The point was this was a time where being clingy was good and so Sal wasn’t gonna let go. That’s what counts here…!

   “Mm, no. I won’t.” Said as softly as a promise and the embarrassed whine that left them was music to his ears. What an odd little scenario they’ve ended up in. How…surprisingly happy he is to hold someone close, sigh out in contentment… Maybe show them his face one day? His heart skips a beat and breathing is a little more tense in his mounting panic, but it’s alright; today isn’t that day. Not yet.

   No matter how sweet they are, would they really stay if they saw his face…? He wants them to stay, but…

   “You’re so… Agh,” she whines, hands clutching his sweater tightly, before letting go with a sigh. Sal is just about to retort when he hears, “…But I guess that’s what I love about you.”

   It’s by far not their first time to say it. That first time saying “I love you” had been a whole ‘nother ballpark…but all the same, hearing it the first time or the fiftieth, Sal was blown away all over again, face hot and his sole eye’s vision getting a little blurry. His heart hurt…

   “…I love you, too… Cutie.”

   “Dang it, Sal!”

   “Heheh.”

[thepatricktreestump]

I Love Her Anyway: Chapter 13

A/N: here comes that plot twist i’ve been talking about!

this tag list is surprisingly longer than the list of members who have left Panic! at the Disco: @pettyiestpersonyouknow @amazingtyjo @converse-or-vans @uriellybrendon @rupphirerydenphan @loverontheleft @vessyvk @yagirlcammmm @brendonuriehimself @myaestheticsareshit @moveondontholdon @pageoftheclouds @lugialagia @galaxy-moon @timisnotmontydlc @jigglypuff1999 @geekybeauty8793 @echoloki @greatheromuffinpalace @svintsandghosts @kitykatnumber @dragonqueendany @mtb04308 @un-amoosed-padalecki @cupcakesweetness

               Returning to the office after that long weekend felt strange. You knock on the door, coffee in hand, and Brendon opens up the door with a smile. “Good morning beautiful,” he greets. “Ready for a long day of work?” You nod, handing him his coffee cup as he give you a kiss on the cheek, then picking up the stack of envelopes he’s ordered you to deliver around the building. It feels good to be back, strutting around the hallways in your heels, staring at your reflection in the elevator doors, smiling at your coworkers donned in ties and pencil skirts. It feels good. It feels usual. It feels normal. Especially when you return for lunch break and he fucks you on his desk. That feels particularly wonderful.

               It goes on for weeks, then months, and you almost feel as if you want to stay here your entire life. Even when school starts up, Brendon lets you keep the job, working hours after school and a little bit on the weekends. Your parents were hesitant at first, but upon noticing it didn’t affect your grades or sleep, they allowed it. Also, it helped that your dad was working in the same building as you, because they felt that they could keep an eye on you. Hell, if only they knew. The sex with Brendon just kept getting better and better, and even though you did have the occasional fight, he never offended you or talked ill about you such as when he had the night you left him to sleep on the sofa. You got a bit better at worrying over the little things and toughened up a bit, growing thick skin to help from being fragile or too emotional, which Brendon had reassured you was okay but you wanted to change for yourself.

               By now, Brendon has managed to fuck you almost everywhere. In the hot tub, outside on the loveseat, on his kitchen table, in the shower, literally everywhere. Even in the office too, on the sofas, on the bar counter, in the elevator, and even in the lobby after closing one day. It’s hot as fuck and you want him to never stop. You don’t go out in public much, not since sex shop night actually, but you don’t mind. It’s almost nice to be together, just you two. And he’s understanding as hell also. During your period he showers you with chocolates and flowers and gifts, cuddles you and brings you meds, places a heating pad on your stomach and rubs your back, turns on a movie and lets you sleep. He just gets you. It’s like for the first time in your life, you met someone you’ll never get sick of, no matter what. It’s one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

               That is, until your mother brings up a topic at the dinner table one night. “Y/n I have some exciting news for you,” she smiles. “I was talking to my friend from work, you know, Ashley? She was saying how she’s opening up a new bakery and she’s looking for some workers. I gave her your number and told her to give you a call. She’s open to hiring students who can only work part time, plus, she says she can pick you up from school and drive you home.”

               “I already have my license mom,” you narrow your eyes. “What I need is a car.”

               “Exactly, so you don’t have a ride,” your dad points out.

               “But I like my job,” you insist. “Secretary work is easy and it’s nice to unwind after school.”

               “You’re cooped up in an office with Mr. Urie all day doing filing and paperwork,” your mother shakes your head. “You need communication and cashier skills, sweetheart. This bakery job will give you just that. Plus, imagine all the cookies!”

               “Mom,” you groan, poking at the pasta on your plate. “I don’t want to. Ashley’s nice and all, I just, I don’t really feel like it.”

               “Too late, I already gave her your number,” your mother argues. “And it will be good for you. I want you to set up an interview with her sometime this week.”

               “This week?” you drop your fork.

               “Yes. That’s not too much to ask for,” your mother states flatly. “Once you get this job you’ll need to tell Mr. Urie thank you for the opportunity and to turn in your two week notice over there so you can make the transition.”

               You can feel your heart break in two. How the fuck would you be able to see him? Being stuck in school was already torture not being able to be with him all day, but now switching jobs? Was your mother insane? “Fine,” you grumble. Maybe if you just complied she would forget about this whole thing.

               But she didn’t. She reminded you that night with a text and even brought it up the next morning. You felt sick to your stomach. You contemplated texting or calling Brendon. Fuck, this was so bad. What were you going to do? Walking into work that day you felt so scared to tell him. But then again, maybe he could help you out of this mess.

               “Hey gorgeous,” he greets you as he opens the door. “Been missing you.”

               “Me too,” you sigh. He scoops you up in his arms and kisses your lips, scooping you up and carrying you to the sofa, sitting down with you in his lap.

               “Why so glum?” he tilts his head, catching onto your mood. “Bad day at school, sugarplum?”

               “Stop with the stupid rhymes,” you roll your eyes. “I’m not in the mood.”

               “Okay, okay,” he laughs. “I digress. But really, what’s up? I’m concerned.”

               “I don’t know…” your voice trails off. “There’s kind of something I need to tell you.”

               “Oh,” his voice softens. He gets quiet too. “Well, I’m listening.”

               “My mom’s making me get a new job,” as soon as you say it, you see his face fall. He’s just as devastated as you are.

               “What? She can’t do that!” he frowns. “You work for me, you’ve been working for me-”

               “I know,” you press your lips together. “But her friend’s opening up a bakery and she wants me to work there instead. Says it’s a better opportunity, will give me rides, accommodate my schedule, stuff like that.”

               “But I pay you so well! I give you the hours you want! Your dad works here so he can get you here!” Brendon’s almost whining at this point.

               “It’s just easier I guess,” you shrug. “At least in my mom’s eyes.”

               “Do you need a car?” he wonders. “I can get you a car, if that’s the problem. You can just say you’ve been saving up, it doesn’t have to be fancy, don’t worry about it-”

               “There’s no way in hell you’re buying me a car,” you shake your head immediately. “No, no, no.”

               “I will,” he insists. “What do I need to do? Can I talk to your mom? Maybe tell her you’ve been promoted over here?”

               “She’s pretty adamant,” you admit. “I don’t really know what to do. I’m pretty pissed off about it.”

               “Yeah, me too,” he mutters. “Jesus, things were going so good.”

               “I’m just afraid this means I won’t be able to see you anymore,” you confess. “And that terrifies me.”

               “Baby,” he looks at you, heartbroken. “Of course we’ll see each other again.”

               “With school and a new job?” you add. “Brendon.”

               “We can make this work,” he pleads. “I know we can.”

               “I like it here,” you pout. “I don’t know why I can’t just stay, why she’s got to rock the boat all of a sudden, why she’s going to take me away from you.”

               “It’s going to be alright,” he reassures, pulling you close to him, kissing you on the forehead. “It’s going to be just fine.”

               Sure enough, despite all of your complaining and arguing, two things happened. One, being that Brendon insisted on buying you a car, and did. And two, your mother insisted on you getting the job, and so you did. Your parents were a bit confused at the sudden purchase of a car, but you put up a good front with the whole saving up story and buying off of a friend from school, and after your dad realized it was in good shape and approved the purchase, you were good to go. It was super nice, actually one of your small dream cars, even though it wasn’t expensive and it was already used. Still, an unexplainable gift that you still couldn’t wrap your head around. Brendon had to beg for you to stop thanking him so much. God, you loved him.

               After a couple weeks, you realized the new job at the bakery wasn’t half that bad. You got to learn how to bake cakes, cookies, pies, croissants, and all sorts of other things. Most of the people that came in were either really little kids or super old people, both of which were the sweetest, purest, and kindest people you’ll probably ever meet. It was also really nice to interact with people, so your mom was right on that part. Tips were good and the business was going strong, and Ashley even let you do your homework at the bakery and have a snack on your break.

               Having a car was nice too, because you had your own ride to and from school, you could stop to buy things and visit friends, plus, you could go to Brendon’s house on your own accord. Obviously, you couldn’t hang around the office since your dad worked there and it would be strange for your old coworkers to see you snooping around, so you took to texting Brendon and finding times when you could get together. Weekends were a huge save. That usually meant you could spend all day with him rather than quick visits or dinner and homework dates.

               You were sitting on the sofa with him, sipping on your smoothies, when he brought up the question. “Do you ever wish things were different?” he asks.

               “What do you mean?” you tilt your head to the side. “You mean like, being able to spend more time together?”

               “Well that,” he agrees. “But like, other things too. Don’t you wish you could date someone your own age? Someone at your school? Go out in public with them, introduce them to your parents, spend times with them, go to school dances, go on cute dates, show them off to your friends? Date a football player or a boy in a garage band or the valedictorian or the editor of the school newspaper? Like, do you ever feel like maybe you’re missing out on your highschool experience?”

               “What? Making out after getting shit face drunk at a house party, being fucked with an old condom in the back of his car at the drive-in, wearing his stupid letter jacket to football games, having to pose for pictures while my mom gushes over us, going through rumors and gossip, and getting high off cigarettes in the bathroom stalls during lunch? I don’t think so,” you chuckle. “High school sucks.”

               “Yeah but like, you’re missing out on those things,” he points out.

               “Better than ever missing out on you,” you argue.

               “Don’t you ever want to leave me?” he sighs, running his hands through your hair. “Don’t you ever see a cute guy in the hallway and think of how much easier it would be if you just were with him instead?”

               “Brendon,” you sigh. “Why are you asking me this? Do you want me to break up with you?”

               “No,” he shakes his head. “Of course not. But like, maybe you do. Maybe you’re too scared to. And I don’t want that.”

               “I don’t want anyone else,” you insist. “I can promise you that. Sweaty teenage boys with egos bigger than their dicks aren’t really my type.”

               “No?” he can’t help but smile.

               “Nah,” you laugh. “I think I’d rather settle for a prestigious business man with a million dollar company, two dogs, a lavish mansion, an irresistible smile, and a daddy kink.”

               “Hmm, you sure about that?” he asks, smile even bigger.

               “Oh Brendon,” you smirk, staring up at him, unable to contain your happiness. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life.”

[thebackroadtourist]

A Sweat Lodge in the Jungle

My body began to seize and my limbs became numb. I felt like I had no more sweat to give. I eventually lost all feeling throughout my entire body. I hung with this feeling for as long as I possibly could. I wanted to hang in’ there until the end but I knew I had to leave soon. The man to my right had already surrendered.

More stones came. More water. More heat. More steam. Complete loss of feeling in my whole body. I urinated myself. I could no longer hold myself up.

————————

The space heater warmed the room as we sat crossed legged on my bedroom floor, the first of the new year was just minutes away as fireworks across Brooklyn would soon rattle the streets. (I was in a brief-lasting relationship with a girl I had met upon my return from Europe a few months back. Our relationship together was short and intense, much like this experience you will read). Excitement brewed within us as we were hours away from our 9 day escapade through the Yucatan Peninsula. A trip we had planned since November, marking our first international journey together.

24 hours later we arrived in Tulum, or as I call it, the New York City of the Yucatan. I’ll just say it: Tulum is an overdeveloped shit-hole. A town once praised for it’s sweet local charm turned over-touristic and ran by selfie sticks, littered streets, overpriced food and Instagram models. As nature lovers, this was hard to swallow.

My expectations got the best of me as we sat in our Cabana that night feeling a bit triggered. The beaches were so crowded to the point that parking spaces were non-existent and merchants charged the highest dollar (simply because they could get away with it).

Fortunately, our week in Mexico was saved by the town of Bacalar, two hours south of Tulum. A small town on a crystal clear laguna that had opened it’s doors to tourism only a few years ago. We ended up staying off-the-grid and secluded on the north side of the laguna with our own private dock and access to authentic culture and incredible food. An overall calm, healing environment. Completely opposite of Tulum.

—————————————————

Now back to our first night sitting in our cabana after a long day of traveling. Little did we know the following night would hold a gravely detoxing, spiritually uplifting, mind-cleansing and ego-pulverizing experience in the jungle.

Our AirBnB host, Gabo, invited us to his monthly sweat lodge ceremony. “Two spaces opened up, and I would love for you two to come” He said before he sent us to bed. We were sold.  His long natural hair (silvered from age) swayed from the grip of his bandana as his loose fitting yoga pants and worn out button up showed his easy-going vibe. Talking to him was fun. A North Mexican native from a town called Chihuahua, Gabo had the accent and the authenticity that Tulum failed to have.

Gabo owns an acre of jungle land 15 minutes outside of town. The way he described the ceremony made it impossible to pass up, AND it was a full moon.

The next night we drove to Gabo’s secluded land in the jungle. When we arrived we parked where he instructed us to, in the corner between two bushes just a short walk away from the entrance of where the ceremony would take place.

The sun had fallen and the only light were of the moon and the stars. We approached a wooden fence with a fire crackling in the distance. We knocked on the door and a Mexican man opened it and quickly gestured us in. There was another man tending to the fire, both men did not speak English. Then out came Gabo, dressed in his loosely fitting robe attire with a bandana once again. He had us remove our sandals before entering the space which he referred to as the “sacred space”. He led us down a narrow, bushy dirt path where we were met by a ground alter consisting of stones, sticks, various crystals, symbols drawn in the dirt, and a few bright juicy oranges, all encircled by half-folded white towels marking our seats. The lodge sat to the right of the untamed space as the fire blazed to the left. The two Mexican men stoically hustled to increase the fire’s depth, poking it with their long metal forks as the light grazed their stone-like faces in the dark night. Ashley and I sat next to each other, crossed legged. There were two other women in the circle as well, and shortly after came two men. Ironically, all 6 of us live in Brooklyn. Strange. We awaited Gabo as he finalized his last minute preparations before taking his seat at the head of the alter. He sat tall. After a some welcoming words and a couple laughs to relax our nerves, he began the ceremony.

First, he guided us through a meditation where we focused on the sounds of the fire besides us, grounding us to the present moment and preparing our minds for the 4 hour ceremony. The meditation was followed by chants to honor fire, water, Earth, the moon, and to summon the spiritual essence of his ancestors or “Abuelas”.

He then had us stand and walk clockwise around the alter, keeping our eyes fixated on his simple yet impactful creation. We continued chanting, repeating his mantras. I felt myself sink into the ritualistic trance, the crackling fire behind us and the vibrancy of the moon above us. I felt tuned in, focused, and connected to the purpose of this ceremony and the nature around me.

I’ve been to a few “ceremonies” throughout the beginning of my yoga & Thai massage days so I feel aware of the differences between authentic and pseudo healing / spirituality. From exploring various healing modalities and being exposed to various groups, “religious” celebrations and cults perceived as “yogic”, to holistic workshops, sound baths, “re-birthing” rituals and the like.

So far, Gabo struck me as authentic. He wasn’t trying to show off or prove himself. He knew he had indigenous knowledge and a purpose to lead and he was simply sharing it. A simple trait I always appreciate though nearly impossible to find in Western culture given the seduction to “spiritually” lead for ulterior motives - to feed ego, make a ton of money or collect Instagram followers. Gabo had no Instagram and was hardly profiting on this experience from our donations. I digress.

Before we entered the actual sweat lodge, he lead one last prayer and meticulously ordered us in a single file line placing the women first and myself behind Ashley with the two other men behind me. Everything was slow and done with intention. I reached for Ashley’s hand and squeezed, she squeezed back. The lodge itself was a circular structure shaped like a tipi with thick blankets (saltillo serapes) draped over the top and along the sides. He individually blessed us before we crawled on our hands and knees through the small opening and followed his instructions exactly where to sit.

Once inside, cross-legged and knee to knee, we were ready for the unknown. The soil beneath us was a comfortable mixture of dirt and sand. I felt Ashley’s hand on my knee as I rest my hand on top of hers, a silent “we got this.” There was something nerve wracking about being in a small enclosed space in a foreign country with a guy I barely knew with a fire pit and no emergency exit.

Gabo crawled in and closed the wooden “door” behind him. It was already humid inside the enclosure. He kept his presence light and humorous yet firmly in-tuned to spirit. At this point he had earned my trust. After some more talking and chanting he craned his neck and shouted “La puerta por favor!” the Mexican men yanked opened the door. “We are ready for the Abuelas!” “Listo!”

Then came the first stone. Then the second. The Mexican men provided that extra protection, a “safe” feeling that kept my mind at ease. They were the fire-keepers and worked together to shovel the stones one by one through the tight opening as Gabo guided the stones inside the pit, plopping them down exactly where they needed to go just inches from our knees. I could feel the heat of each stone burn the tips of my shin hairs. It was hot, yet comforting as I began to sweat - profusely perspiring into the soil beneath me as it absorbed into the Earth.

The rest of the night was a blur but it went something like this: More stones funneled in by the fire-keepers, loud chanting, singing by Gabo, collective yelling/purging, voicing our innermost intentions out loud in the circle, feeling water splashed on us by Gabo, more stones, more water, copious amounts of sweat, more chanting, more stones, more heat, humidity, rising temperatures, water, purging, *now screaming our intentions*, detoxifying, more sweat, releasing in the form of laughter, tears, emotional purging, feeling strong yet weak, spirit strong flesh weak, feeling out of my body, the temperature rising…rising…rising…

“OHHHH SACRED FIRE PURIFY MYSELF, OHHHHH SACRED WATER WASH AWAY MY FEARS” is what we chanted the most, followed by the healthy yell “OMETEOTL!” the name of the Mayan God of duality.

Each stone that was placed in the pit brought more heat and the water that splashed the stones created a thick, almost suffocating steam. Gabo would call out to the fire-keepers whenever a new stone needed to be placed in the pit, referring to each stone as “Abuela”.

And then I surrendered.

The ceremony became increasing intense. Eventually, my body began to seize and my limbs became numb. I felt like I had no more sweat to give. I eventually lost all feeling in my throughout my entire body, including my head and face. I hung with this feeling for as long as I possibly could. I wanted to hang in’ there until the end but I knew I had to leave soon. The man to my right had already surrendered. More stones came. More water. More heat. More steam. Complete loss of feeling in my whole body. I urinated myself. I could no longer hold myself up. Even Ashley felt my struggle. I lasted a few minutes longer, hoping the ceremony would end soon, while knowing this mindset of hoping it would end soon was defeating the purpose of the ceremony. The vibrating numbness in my body exasperated to the point where I knew it was time to give in. I slowly lowered my torso down to the floor as I buried the side of my face in the soil, panting. Sand and dirt stuck to my shaved head like velcro, sweat still coming from my pores. Gabo noticed by state and calmly escorted me out of the lodge and guided me back to the alter, slowly crawling on my hands and knees. He peeled an orange from the alter and hand-fed me slice after slice, rubbing my back and assuring me how great I did. “Breathe, brother, breathe.” I slowly regained feeling in my body and limbs. “These are heavy metals leaving your body”.

As Gabo cared for me outside the third man made his way out, too. Leaving the 3 women in the lodge as the lone warriors. Ashley told me afterwards that she shared a quote that came to her during this time when Gabo was assisting us men. “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire” using that as her mantra, knowing that she wasn’t going to give up - that time was still going, meaning it would soon be over. Ashley shared to me that “time” gets her through a lot of things.

The fact that 3 women remained the lodge symbolizes the strength of the female. As I have learned in my bodywork practice women naturally have a higher pain tolerance than men. It makes sense given women are the lifeblood of life as we know it, the holders of creation naturally equipped to withstand pain and discomfort.

Gabo cared for the 3rd man then eventually went back in. I sat cross legged to catch my breath and restore feeling in my body.

And then it hit me.

I thought about New York City and shook my head in disgust. “That damn city, man. So polluted. So much shit.” The desire to detoxify myself soared as I stared at the stars and moon above me in the clear night sky, the fire crackling beside me. I prayed to the stars, to the sky, and to the moon, that I would have more days in my future to gaze upon the stars and the moon with a fire crackling beside me.

Approaching my 27th birthday and living in a place that was complete opposite of nature did not sit well with me. I visualized myself living in nature, calming my nervous system, being kind to myself, drinking clean water, eating locally grown food, breathing clean air, swimming, hiking, climbing. At that moment it became clear to me what I needed to do. This was a wake-up call for my future. I vowed to myself right then and there.

Covered in dirt, sand, sweat, and urine, I wanted nothing else. I felt natural. I felt raw. I felt tribal. In touch. This was truth. Sacredness.

I will never forget that moment.

Gabo peeked his head from the lodge and invited me back in for the closing ceremony. As I crawled back in and sat next to Ashley again I looked her in the eyes and smiled. She smiled back. She looked fierce, humble, confident. I knew she had benefited from the ceremony just as much as I did.

In that moment I felt my love for Ashley strengthen and the knot in our union squeeze a little tighter.

Ashley told me later that she realized what we take for granted. The most vital things in life: air and water, are things we take for granted. We breathe shallowly throughout our days and waste so much water. She remembered when each time someone would have to leave the lodge and the “door” would open, she felt a cool breeze from the outside slip in as if it were the first time she experienced fresh air. And the water, the way Gabo splashed her was like the first time experiencing water.

Upon the conclusion of the ceremony we sat by the fire and continued to gaze at the moon and stars, taking our time to leave. As we drove back to our tent my vision was clear. I even saw the road more clear, perhaps symbolizing my future and what I had just experienced. We showered off and changed into comfy clothes. A whole new world awaited us. And then we ate burritos. And they were delicious. And in that moment, all was well in the world.

[bellabooks]

“Pretty Little Liars” recap S7 Ep18: Chose or lose

Previously on Pretty Little Liars, Aria had the most glorious fever dream involving Mona singing and dancing as a prison guard, and it was so good that it almost made me forget about Mona and Emily pretending to be a couple. Making out with Emily Fields is the cure for morning sickness   Alison is back in town and cuddling on the couch with Emily, who tells her she’s pretty and instigates some morning sex. They kiss and stumble into the bedroom, but OF COURSE they are twat-blocked by that damn board game, which is taking up space in the bed.  Is that thing a drone? How does it keep moving so fast?   Suddenly, the police bust in with a search warrant and start packing up evidence, including their phones. This is a coordinated effort across Rosewood, as the rest of the Liars are forced to turn over their phones and belongings to the cops. Aria manages to shred the last page of her file literally as the police walk in. The Liars wind up at the police station, where they’re met with Detective Tanner. Hi Tanner! Welcome back to Rosewood. Tanner quickly explains that Marco has recused himself from the case, what with sexing up Spencer and all. Wow, doesn’t he know that Rosewood has an open door policy on cops hooking up with suspects? It must be in the handbook. Tanner is smug as all hell and ready to lock up the Liars, which is pretty bold considering she knows their backstory and rescued them from the dollhouse. “Rescued” is a strong word, she merely let Caleb use police software and complained the entire time. She assures the Liars that she’s going to nail them on something, because the second rule of Rosewood Policing (after sleep with your suspects) is to always blame the victims. I’m here to chew bubble gum and make accusations, and I’m all out of bubble gum.   Back at the Brew, Aria finds a hidden cell phone in the wall…a gift from A.D. Aria demands to meet them, and A.D. agrees to meet that night, telling Aria to wear the uniform. We then cut to Mona’s apartment, where she has been listening in on the call this entire time. Hanna shows up at Radley, where Ashley is waiting for her with a suite for the Liars. She demands that Hanna tell her the truth so she can Mama Bear the situation, but Hanna refuses to involve her because she loves her too much to make her an accomplice. Ashley Marin is the best mom in Rosewood, which is a low bar, but a bar nonetheless. One day I’ll own my own vineyard and be free of this nonsense   The Liars and Caleb are holed up in the suite, trying to plan their next move. Spencer gives everyone a burner phone, because she is never not prepared. I would not be surprised if Spencer just has a stash of like, 20 burners on hand at all times. Emily tells the gang that A.D. was watching her and Ali sleep last night, and Hanna is the only one who is like, “y’all sleeping together? Nice!”. All we need is Sparia to come to their senses, then we’ll all be #queerendgame   Caleb tries to track the missing board game on his laptop, when Hanna finds the board game phone on the room service cart. The phone tells them that they have 36 hours to decide: either one of them turns themselves in, or they all go down. Just then, Mona walks in and tells them that she thinks Aria has switched teams. At first the Liars refuse to believe her, but Mona came with proof.  I magically manifest whenever someone says #queerendgame   Spencer runs into Toby in the Radley lobby, who has been brought into town for questioning. He’s been living in a cabin in the woods, with a mountain man beard to prove it. He invites her to visit him, and asks what is going on, but Spencer assures him that it’s better if he doesn’t know. Ah, just like old times. Aria sneaks out of the house and goes to meet A.D. in the woods, where she is of course busted by all the Liars. She tries to explain herself, but everyone is furious, especially poor sweet Emily. Aria asks them if they remember when Ezra spied on them and exploited them for a book, as if that’s something anyone would forget. She tells the Liars that she was so mad she wrote a police report against Ezra for being a pedophile, but never filed it. She claims that she had no choice, but everyone rightly calls her out for putting Ezra’s needs above the group. But…but…but…my boyfriend tho   Aria reminds them that they’ve all done terrible things for A, like that time Spencer kidnapped a kid (which I totally forgot about) but Spencer fires back that her parents are getting a divorce because of Aria’s actions. I mean…let’s be real: this divorce is a solid move. I think it has less to do with Aria than it does with Peter screwing every mom in Rosewood. But I digress. The Liars storm off, leaving a devastated Aria alone in the woods. The Liars are summoned to the police station, where they ice out Aria. Tanner sits them all down and lays out the evidence she’s gathered: bloody windshield glass in the shower drain, plus windshield fragments under Archer’s finger, plus video footage. It doesn’t look good. Tanner says she wants to give them a chance to tell their story, and claims that, had they been honest from the beginning, they never would have been kidnapped. God I wish I had cheese fries right now   The Liars stonewall Tanner, who reluctantly lets them go. In the car, Aria calls A.D. and yells at them for ruining her life. She’s about to throw her phone out the window when A.D. tells her to wait. Okay, aside from bloody glass, video footage, and fingerprints galore, what evidence do you have?   The rest of the Liars convene at the hotel and watch as the phone counts down. Hanna offers to confess, since she was the one driving. Spencer then offers, since it was her credit card mistake that nailed them. Ali expresses guilt that she married him in the first place. Emily tells the Liars that this is A.D.’s plan, for them to bicker and fight and fall apart. They already succeeded with Aria. Spencer blames Aria for her part in it, but Emily reminds her that she also played for the A team, and that they’ve all been forced to do terrible things. Meanwhile, Ashley confronts Caleb and demands the truth…and he tells her what happened. I mean, at this point, why not? Spencer goes to Aria’s place, and Aria begs for her forgiveness. They seem to be mending their friendship, when the cops arrive to return Aria’s belongings. Apparently, there is (doctored) camera footage of Aria in New Hampshire that exonerates her, a parting gift from A.D. Spencer is furious and storms out. New plan- I got us all tickets for the next Olivia cruise leaving the country, let’s go!   Aria realizes that she has to tell Ezra the truth, but he already read the file before she shredded it. She tries to apologize (FOR WHAT THO) and Ezra tells her that he doesn’t blame her, and that he probs deserves to go to jail. This is the only smart and self aware thing Ezra has ever said. Aria is ready to tell him the whole damn truth, but first she wants to have a goodbye kiss/bang. Caleb brings Hanna to the courthouse, where her mom is waiting with a justice of the peace. They decide to get married because they’re running out of time, plus they won’t be forced to testify against each other. It’s a win-win!  I also built a tree house with solar panels and wireless internet so we literally never have to leave the woods.   Alison brings Emily into the woods, where she’s set up a beautiful romantic picnic at the kissing rock. It’s very sweet, even though none of these ladies should ever be alone in the woods. They start making out and we get a sex montage of all the Liars: Caleb and Hanna get married, Ezria has sex, Spencer goes to Toby’s cabin and seduces him, and Emily and Ali roll around together in their sex picnic. Is it sweet? Yes. Do the lesbians get a tamer scene than everyone else? Obviously. But nonetheless, it’s still a love scene, and for now we get to see Ali and Emily in love under the stars. Also, having a sex picnic in the woods is an all-star gay move.  We get it Ali, you’re a top   The next morning, the Liars (sans Aria) gather around the phone to watch it count down. When the clock runs out, Spencer smashes the phone with a giant rock…I mean…maybe she could have done that before the clock ran out? I don’t know, guys. They all swear to each other that no matter what happens, they will understand and forgive themselves. Meanwhile, Aria calls A.D. and tells them that she’s turning herself in…but the clock is already up. Aria has won unlimited freedom, and her friends are going down. Aria’s phone bursts into flames and she drops it on the ground. It’s a FIRE…sale   Caleb and Ezra get a ping on the game, and track it to Mona’s house. They use a heat vision iPad (wait what) and see Mona cuddling up to the board game, as a jail cell rises onto the board. She’s wearing her nerdy Mona glasses and looks strung out…has the game activated her adrenalized hyperreality? Mona + glasses is my new OTP Aria is driving to the police station when she feels something rolling around in her trunk. She pops it open, and there’s Archer’s decaying body. Suddenly, a police car sirens and pulls over. Close that trunk, girl! Next week we find out who killed Charlotte. Only two episodes left! Tweet me your feels and A.D. conspiracy theories at @ChelseaProcrast http://dlvr.it/PMVlMk

[nowaybutnorway]

Wow, it’s hard to believe that season that I hold so near and dear to my heart is already a year old.  About a year ago today I was in Norway, I had just started to expose myself to the Tumblr Survivor community and play some side seasons, but now it was time to try myself out in the big leagues of a main season, so I signed up for Season 39 and never looked back, and now as I look back about a year later from the time we started this season, I feel blessed to have gotten to be in a season with all of y’all, you are my og tumblr survivor fam, and I figured what better way to celebrate today than collect all my thoughts about my 19 fellow castaways and hosts. I’m in a starbucks right now so hopefully I don’t bust into tears, but then again that wouldn’t be new for this one, so let’s begin.

Laure-Now Laure was probably the only person that I had no interaction with over the course of the entire season, just because of how tribe divisions were set up and all, but learning that over time I was playing with a ts legend, it inspired my frail newbie heart to no end, so Laure, despite not knowing you, thanks a billion from this fanboy <3

Dani-OK so contrary to popular belief, Dani met her demise to due to EVERYTHING GOING WRONG FOR HER.  Originally the plan was to vote out Eric, then Eric won immunity, then the plan was Danielle, but she went to Exile, so Dani became the next best option, and it was so awkward because I remember being in the HOS11 house on call when the tribal happened and people were talking about how they loved Dani, and as the votes kept coming in, I was just sitting there watching people’s jaws drop and then after I had to say....sorry about that.  But it was clear you did not deserved what happened to you, you were sick and the Darian v Dylan fiasco was just a damn mess that culminated with your demise, but despite of what you may think of me, I feel your tribal where you left was crucial to how I play games now, so thanks babes.

Angela-WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS GIRL. Now people may think that my closest alliance mate was Brian or Stevie, but you guys never knew Angela like I did, we ironically made an alliance day 1 called the Trashy King and Queen, an alliance I would later replicate with Ting Ting in Myanmar, and it was honestly a god send because she was the one person on Lipari I could trust, and she was honestly the most fun to talk to because all the newbies were like cracked, while Angela and I just talked about arson and ate popcorn, it was great to have her in my life, and my snaps had never been more LIT.  Then came swap and Angela peaced out like the boss she is, probably because Grace never gave her cheesecake, anyways I digress. Angela you were one of my favorite newbies to play with and its always a pleasure to see you pop up on snapchat, ily and nothing can ever change my first ts alliance with you, long live our trashy mess <3.

Eric-OK so prior to playing TS I had never gotten on call for a game before, so when Eric called me to talk game, I had NO idea how to do anything, it was 20 minutes of awkward talking, but it was clear to know that we weren’t gonna align anytime soon, but you know in my delusional manner I thought I had totally played him.......yeah I wasn't smart then and I’m not smart now. We later swapped with Brian onto the Alicuidi tribe, and while I had hoped newbies could be strong...he targeted me, but thanks to the lovely Stevie and his ability to connect with the First Boots, I was saved and Eric left.  I’m not sure exactly what I did to mess up our relationship but I’m sorry, I’ll give you a hug if I’m ever in Mass....again.

Darian-I feel what I have to say about you and Dylan are around the same lines so I may say look above for previous comment when I write something for Dylan, but DARIAN OH DARIAN, to say you made that first tribal interesting is an understatement.  I feel you taught me what not to do in games, you made me realize it was probs a mistake to start an alliance on call or be the center of attention, but DANG you were entertaining to say the least and that was no understatement.  You left me as fast as you came into my life and your rivalry with Dylan was funny as you both went out back to back after targeting each other so hard the first tribal, you definitely made my ts introduction a memorable one so thanks <3.  And when we reconvened in Westeros, I will admit you had grown a little as a player despite what people think, not a lot, but a little.  I’ll never know what happened on Salina but your exit was a quick one, who knows, maybe another Mass visit is in my future and I can see you and Ashley together cause she my Myanmar homegirl.

Dylan-(see comment above for jist) Now a special place Dylan has in my heart that separates him from Darian is the fact he was the first person in TS I was shady with, basically talking about what the heck Darian was doing and how in any world that would make sense.  Sufficed to say much more shade would follow, but thanks.

Jason-OK we literally did not have more than a 30 minute conversation in the game, but we talked about CBB and tbh that was a quick way to my heart so thank you.  While we never met up on a tribe, we connected ever so slightly, and you actually are the first person I got to give me ts memorabilia with Jenny, Hector and Jordan when you guys sent me a post card, it was nice and sweet and it’ll be on my TS wall for enternity.  We also played The Amazing Race together twice....but there are certain things we don’t talk about like how I was a mess in TAR4 and y’all got eliminated 2nd in TAR AllStars.  I love ya and miss ya <3 

Dalton-I’m just going to start off and say my #favoriteDaltonMoment was when we just swapped onto alicuidi and we were just talking about the most random things, and I think it was with you how fvf3 was going to be like on Survivor when they’d bring back Baylor and Cirie and we’d jump into the fire at f4 with them just so they could win and all would be right with the world, it was random, but tbh randomness is one of my more favorite things and I love ya for it.

Nic W-NIC I GOT A FEW WORDS FOR YOU, FIRSTABLE, how are you, hope you’re partying somewhere or some junk, but wow, we spent a decent amount of time together pre-merge, but our time at merge certainly DID NOT LAST LONG.  You went out in a unanimous style, and famously called out Brian, Stevie and I, all for being fake to your face, which is kinda funny cause I’m pretty sure you inadvertently called out our trio on accident, and the rest of merge was a nightmare trying to convince everyone we weren’t a trio when it was very clear we were.....so party.  One of the last great callouts of the tag era, so thank you <3

Max-MY OG AUSTRALIAN BAE.  It was a dream for my entire adult life to have a best friend from Australia, but as I couldn’t find one in Norway, I settled for the next best option and found one online in you <3.  Now in memory I don’t think there was ever a point where we worked together and that was a mess in a hand basket, but you still were great in your own ways.  My favorite thing was when you compared everyone to people from Eurovision of that year and it was amazing so thanks.  You left a special place for Australia in my heart and every main season I played since then I had played with an Australian, and despite loving Jimmy with all my heart from All Stars, you will always be somewhere in my heart.

Danielle-Please call me out again for going on too much during my ftc speech because that has changed my performances quite a bit, I mean I’ve lost everytime I showed up in a ftc since this season....BUT STILL IT MEANT A LOT.  Personally it sucked because as soon as we started working together at merge, those bums voted you out and that began me feeling worse and worse in the game.  I still believe you had one of the best ftc moments of all time because you called every one out and I loved every moment.  Congrats on winning Crusade, you deserved it <3

Stevie-Words cannot personally describe how I actually feel about you, and I feel you know that Baevie.  You were the first connection I made on any Survivor season EVER.  You took me into this community and showed me so much.  You gave me my first idol, showed me my first alliance, and once I lost in Rakiura, you not only showed me Myanmar, which I won for myself and the draft for you (my faved loved one too btw), you also got me into this season.  Now at the time I didn’t know we would be playing together again, but when I saw your beautiful bearded face pop up in the cast announcement, I kid you not I jumped for joy in my Norwegian room, because that meant I was going to be playing with my best friend in the community again and I was excited as all get out.  You took me in under your wing on alicuidi and we wrecked havoc, we got some idols, and we did some idol plays at merge.  You graciously gave me an idol when I asked and were always there to help me...until ftc where you didn’t vote for me to win, but lets be real, my performance was a train wreck, you made the right choice.  Once the votes tied during the round we got the votes on JC, my heart dropped because that meant I would have to campaign against the person who mattered the most to me in the community and the pain I went through to muster up the strength to was unbearable but I did anyway, and I played my hardest as I knew you wanted me to do if you were there in my place.  You not only gave me so much in the game but so much in life, I’m not sure if I can ever make it up to you for how things played out during the season but I will sure as hell try, I love you Stevie, never change.  And thanks btw for letting me sleep with you, it was a great night ;)

Danny-DANNY OMG. K so firstable, I think you know when I say this I mean it, I GLUCKIN LOVE YOU.  You’re so funny and I love when you just pop up out of nowhere with several puns and its great and ily, but god, you were a terrifying force in that game because you could gather SO many people at merge it was ridiculous.  Your demise was also probably the move that I was proudest in my entire career and something I’m sure I could never replicate ever again, but dang was it fun.  I may not be able to go to six flags with you but I’ll be there in spirit forever, love ya.

Jenny-Jenny you’re probably one of my best friends to come out of this season, and that’s why I will always feel awful for how I organized your demise, but in retrospect you have to admit it was clever, not managed well but clever.  You sent me my first TS memorabilia, and I love it with all my heart, and whenever I come to you about my personal life, you’re always so happy to hear it and I lvoe you for it, and whenever I lose a season.......you’re kinda mean but to be fair I come to you crying about an online game, when its very clear MUCH worse has happened to more people so I’m sure that harshness is out of love so thank you.  You were probably the person I never thought of working with at merge because you not only sold me out at the beginning but you also voted me out when Stevie and I were tied to leave......but you also helped me pull off the Danny blindside so thank you, ily, and I can’t wait to see you come home and hopefully I get to see you for my TS birthday party.

Nick-NICK WITH A K, you were the last newbie to go out before ftc, and to be fair you were one of the most level headed people playing this game, and it was great to have someone who despite being amongst some of the most cracked people, could stay calm and semi-reasonable.  I look at your vote off as one of the biggest mistakes cause maybe had I voted off Van I would’ve won.....but at that point I had already pissed off most of the jury, plus I thought I could beat Van....OH HELL WAS I WRONG, but still, you made for a fun time and were a sound mind for me in the first tribal we went to as Lipari....cause god we didn’t need anymore crazy.

JC-next.....JUST KIDDING, you think I would dare forget about you, I could never.  You hold many special places in my heart.  You were the first to call me out during a challenge, but it was so entertaining in retrospect, you also tried organizing my demise at final 5, but watching your face and those of the other first boots drop when I won immunity after 1 question, thus ruining your predetermined plans, was PRICELESS, it was great to organize your demise after that because it almost felt like Karma, but after the season I could not love you more bae.  You may not have voted for me, but you are the only person from Aeolian I played with ever again, because we All Stars baby <3, now while we didn’t get to play together, it was still a blast to be reunited with an Aeolian bae again, and I’m sure we could’ve take that game....ok maybe not taken it, but still we could’ve rented it and had a good time, but alas no, only in our dreams.

John-John....I love you, you and I were like baes for the longest time now, and tbh I was about to vote you out in Myanmar because I was sketched out by you, but then Aeolian started and you and I were in a season together, and so that plan had to be re-routed to voting out Kylie, but YA KNOW. I could never not be blessed to have you in my life CoffeyCakes, you’re that important, you came to see me in Massachusetts and it was honestly a blast, partially cause you got to see me get voted out in All Stars but still.  Sitting next to you in FTC in Myanmar was one of my most favorite memories ever, and you’ll always be near and dear to me <3

Brian-Literally what can I say about you besides being the best purchase I ever made on ebay tbh (that one’s for you JC <3) but in all seriousness at the beginning of the season, I never thought I could ever meet someone like you, you seemed to always be there for me and we became brothers in a sense, we went through the entire season, we played our way from the bottom, every move that I made during Aeolian, you were there, by my side throughout all of it, almost not the Danny move, but that told me I had to play the idol so thanks bae.  You not only were my confidant this season, but through so much of my life afterwards, we still stay in contact even after a year has passed, and I could not be happier to be honest.  Yes you maybe messy, but you’re my mess and I wouldn’t have you any other way babes.  I’m happy you won Lazio, and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re lying.  You were my rock and I hope you stay in my life for many years to come babes, I hope everything goes your way.

Van-Now to one of the most important people in the season tbh.  Now when we first met, I never thought in a million years I would lose to you.....and I was honestly pissed when I found out that hey, that was gonna happen, but that was in the moment and I feel we were both heated at that moment, but you know what, I’ve learned the value of your game and that is one of the most impressive that I’ve ever witnessed to be honest.  Your game reminded me of Michelle from Kaoh Rong, and if you were Michelle, I was Aubrey I think.....I could also be dreaming, but your social game was that on point and it was bloody impressive and I love it.  You earned your win and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because it was amazing.  I one day hope to achieve your level of sociability and unlock my innerVan as you say to me whenever I begin to play a new season...that I later flop in but that’s besides the point, you’re an inspiration, a lovely person and iconic and I love you so much <3

And finally our hosts for the season Grace, Ryan and Intern turned mom Emma, y’all took a chance on me that Bora Bora never gave me and gave me a random chance to shine and I could not be more grateful, through this season I met such an important family, but I was also able to accomplish moves that I don’t think I could ever do again.  You introduced me into a community that holds such a close place in my heart and I could not thank you guys enough for it.

So in the end thank you Aeolian Islands, though you were hell to get through, you gave me a family, and a community, and I’m forever grateful.  Thanks for making me a favorite in Myanmar and an All Stars, you mean the world <3  Happy Anniversary, and Gratulerer Med Dagen

-Fra Steffen Reals

[one-of-us-blog]

Three on a Couch (TGG, Season 3, Episode 11)

Today Eli is forced to watch and recap Three on a Couch, Episode 11 of the third season of The Golden Girls.  It’s time for some therapy, because the tempers are high and the insults are flying.  Will the girls make it through their session, and will Eli make it through the episode?  Keep reading to find out…

Jon, I loved your take on The Eleventh Hour!  There is definitely a transition period with every new Doctor as the actor settles into the role and as viewers get used to seeing a new face behind the TARDIS console.  That being said, I have always felt like the Series 5 premiere is a great jumping on point for the show…it’s a bit of a clean slate, with a new Doctor, new companion, and new show runner.  It isn’t perfect, but it’s very watchable.  I do understand your criticisms, and reading your summary always enriches an episode for me.  The only counterpoint I would make is that I don’t think the Doctor got so irate with the Atraxi because he saw them as villains, but because they were willing to blow up an entire planet full of people for the sake of one prisoner, as they didn’t bother to look into whether or not it was “important” first.  Ignorance isn’t an excuse without sufficient effort.  He wanted to make it very clear that such decisions wouldn’t fly in the future.  But I digress.  It’s time for me to get down to business with my own review, so let’s head to Miami!

Buttocks tight!

Episode written by Jeffrey Ferro and Fredric Weiss, directed by Terry Hughes

The episode opens on a downtown building, where the girls have all showed up at the offices of Dr. Ashley, psychiatrist.  Everyone is in a foul mood and the gang is even arguing over which name the counseling session should have been booked under.  Dr. Ashley greets them all, and after some not-so-subtle flirting from Blanche, the girls confirm that they have been having some serious problems.  After five years of living together they are all getting pretty sick of the sight of one another.  Dorothy calls Blanche selfish and Dr. Ashley asks for a specific example, which leads us to our first flashback…

Dorothy is sick on the couch when Blanche rushes into the house.  She is running late for her double date, and she’s pretty upset that Dorothy isn’t ready as well.  Dorothy tries to explain that she has a temperature of 104 degrees and feels like she’s about to die, but Blanche explains that it’s both of them or neither of them, and there’s no way she’s canceling a date with Larry!  You know, from the gas station?  Besides, Dorothy promised her, and she’s going to hold her to it.  Dorothy begs to be left alone, but it’s clear that their bodies are aching for very different reasons.  Blanche tries to employ some faith healing, but Sophia settles for getting her daughter drunk on hot toddies.  Dorothy passes out, and Blanche props her up with some pillows before their dates arrive.

Back in the office, Rose is now being told to shut up, even by the doctor.  The insults are still flying, with Rose in particular being called dumb.  Dr. Ashley (who seems to be a terrible doctor, IMO) asks for more hurtful examples of why Rose is being called a name, and we’re off to a flashback again…

In this scene, Rose was supposed to place an ad in the newspaper on Dorothy’s behalf.  Dorothy is looking for work, and she’s willing to serve in just about any role for $8 an hour.  Dorothy is concerned that she doesn’t see the ad anywhere in the day’s paper, but Rose assures her that it’s in there somewhere…and besides, she has already been receiving calls all morning!  A man shows up, extremely eager to take Dorothy up on her offer to “do anything for $8 an hour,” and asks for her to call him Toto.  Get it?  Get it?  It quickly becomes apparent that he’s a pervert, and Rose discovers that she placed the ad in the Personals section.  Oops.  A priest shows up at the door next, and Dorothy yells at him for being a perv, but it turns out that he was there to pick up food for the needy from Sophia.  Double oops.  The scene ends as another creeper shows up, followed by a fleet of Greek sailors on the lawn.  Maybe Blanche can take care of this one...

The point is, the girls explain, that Rose is stupid.  As far as Rose is concerned though, the others can blow it out their tubenblurbles!  Dr. Ashley calls the session to order, as they are all at one another’s throats again.  But now it’s time for the focus to turn to Dorothy, and we enter another flashback…

Dorothy is in bed studying late at night, and Blanche and Rose enter the room to join her.  They are scared as they just watched Aliens, and are also apparently children.    Dorothy tries to get rid of them again.  She has an important exam in the morning, but they aren’t listening.  Eventually, Sophia chases them out.

So what exactly was the point of that last scene?  Dr. Ashley wonders this as well, as Dorothy sounded perfectly reasonable.  Blanche and Rose explain that Dorothy is just too capable and confident, and she lords it over them.  Sophia explains that she’s really the glue that holds them all together, and proceeds to tell her own story…

In our final flashback, Rose goes to Sophia with a problem.  Her boss made a pass at her.  Like, not just an inappropriate comment, but full-on sexual assault.  Or yeah, as they liked to say in 1987, “a pass.”  Oh, what a rascal!  Sophia attempts to launch into a “Picture it” (Sicily, 1922) to help her clear things up, but Blanche enters with a problem of her own, and then so does Dorothy.  They all gather around as Sophia attempts to apply her story to all of their needs, but we end up with a tale about pepperoni swimming upstream.  Or something.  Each gal takes a different lesson from the story, and Sophia has done her job.

Dr. Ashley has made up his mind.  The girls are totally incompatible, and should just prepare (in the words of Griffin McElroy) to pack their bags and move away.  The girls leave his office in a melancholy state of mind.

We cut back home one last time, where the girls are making plans to pack up their stuff.  They can still be friends, right?  Everyone is clearly unhappy about this decision, and Sophia manages to prove her usefulness once more with a “Picture It” (Miami, 1987).  The story is about four friends who love one another, and also like to eat all the time.  The girls unanimously decide they belong together after all, and start to make some food.

The End.

This is another episode that I don’t really know how to rate!  There were some definite zingers in this one, but it was all wrapped up in a package with a bit too much conflict for my liking.  And since the girls were all fuming from the get-go, I felt like I never really got a good enough reason for the squad to be so irate with one another.  It didn’t really ring true for me.  I’m glad they inevitably reconciled in the end (though the resolution was incredibly brief), and I agree that Sophia was the glue they needed in this situation.  And that makes it particularly strange (and a little annoying) that the episode is called Three on a Couch.  I mean, Sophia was there too, with her own flashback and everything…I’m not sure why she always gets relegated to outsider status.  Anyway, I’m usually on the fence with these flashback episodes, and in this case the flashbacks were a little hit or miss.  The first two were good, with the eager perverts probably being the standout scene.  The best line of the episode goes to Rose, while she was telling off her friends with her indecipherable language.  I don’t feel very confident about my scoring, but I think I’m going to give Three on a Couch a rating of 3 poofy hairdos out of 5.

Check back in later, when Jon will be recapping The Beast Below, the next episode of Doctor Who.  And be sure to stop back in around Friday, when I will be recapping Charlie’s Buddy, the next episode of The Golden Girls.  Until then, as always, thank you for being a friend, and for being One of Us!

[robronotics]

Post Ep Ponderings January 24

Well holy shit, what an episode! The second one in about a week where I had to take massive notes because of everything that happened. Going to start today with the little bits and then move onto epicness of the return of one Miss Debbie Dingle.

I still cannot get over how good everyone is in the Ashley storyline. John Middleton is still slaying it. I hope that he gets so much work in the future because he’s clearly very talented. Anyway, I really don’t know how Laurel does it. I hope Doug doesn’t start pushing harder though. Laurel already knows that Ashley needs full time care. It’s no longer a point of trying to convince her, but finding a solution that works for the whole family. She wants to keep Ashley close, especially for Gabby and Arthur, and that is proving difficult. I just hope the decision isn’t made for them before they’re ready.

There needs to be more Marlon and Carly scenes. I feel like we barely see them, but when we do, they are so awesome! I hope they give them some good story lines sometimes soon.

I think we’re at the point now where everything that comes out of Pierce’s mouth is a manipulation of Rhona. She’s also coming to the point where she’s noticing that sometimes the things he’s saying are ridiculous. In a more normal circumstance, I would get not wanting to go to dinner with your girlfriend’s ex, but it’s a bit beyond that right now in this situation. Pierce no longer seems to have a problem with Paddy occasionally sitting with them at the pub, and he definitely wants to see him off with Chas (or anyone, I would bet), so how would a group dinner party to try and help him feel better and maybe move on be a bad thing in his mind? Oh, that’s right, because Rhona didn’t ask him so he can’t control the situation.

I am glad that Chas and Paddy are at least trying to be friends again. I’m sure this will all work out by the time Chas is back on the show. When is she set to leave? Anyone know?

Is it me, or does Aaron seem oddly okay with going down for beating up Kasim? I like to think that he’s feeling a bit better after making up with Rob, but I was a little surprised at how relaxed he seemed. I honestly can’t remember the last time he seemed so relaxed. Maybe Christmas, but that’s about it. It’s not that he looks thrilled to be going to jail, but he seems calm, and he was smiling while talking to Paddy, and damn near laughing when Chas glared at Paddy. I don’t actually know what’s going on with this, but I really hope it’s down to Robert. Of course, I hope that we can see this play out on screen.

One thing I found interesting about all this was his scene with Finn. If Finn was the one that called the cops in the first place, why would he tell Aaron that he hopes he doesn’t go down for it? Or did I mishear that?

Finally, how fucking epic was the return of Debbie Dingle?!?!?! I loved absolutely everything about this part. It had everything. Action, excitement, crazy Lydia! What’s not to love? I just have to say now that I love how they are using Lydia. She may be the best minor plot device of all time. Anytime they need to make something happen, I seriously hope they continue using her.

But enough of that. That was my first full example of a good old fashioned Dingle heist and what a heist it was! I knew there had to be a good reason why Debbie would steal from pretty hardcore criminals. Wasn’t Sarah sick before? all that happened before I was watching, but I’m sure I heard something. Was it cancer then too? Also, how does healthcare work in the U.K.? I know you have some sort of government healthcare, but does it not cover any part of treatment for things like cancer?

At any rate, the heist was everything I could’ve hoped for. Although I have no interest in Charity and Cain ever being a couple again, I loved seeing them pull this off together. I really enjoyed Ross’s part in this too. He is still clearly head over heels for Debs and I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing them try again, though it doesn’t seem like Debbie has any interest. Honestly though, that makes me like the situation more. Heartbroken Ross makes me happy. But I digress. Watching them all come together to get the money was brilliant. Cain got to be badass, Ross also showed that he can be useful, even if he can still be a dick, and it’s just great to see Debbie back. I do have to admit that I felt bad for Sam though. I had this brief flicker of hope that he would suddenly be just a little bit badass himself. I thought it would work, of course, and I liked how this all went down, but wouldn’t it have been great if he gotten a punch in or something?

Anyway, kudos in this whole bit, for me, goes to Charity. I cannot believe that she managed to fuck up in the most hilarious way and yet still pull off ripping off Chrissie. I just about died when she shot herself with the tranq. And what a brilliant performance! She had the half paralyzed face with a slur down pat! Just fantastic. I enjoyed every last second.

Final kudos goes to Pearl. Her basketball skills may be lacking, but she always puts a smile on my face. I do hope the dog is okay though.

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW30

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.

Please excuse the lateness of the lineup lambs lately - we’re a couple busy boys. Now let’s fuck.

WALSH

Transfers:

OUT: Mane and Coutinho

IN (For -4 Points): Alexis and Zaha

I've bottled the transfer for brother of Jordan. As much as I love Andre Ayew after further considerations it did not seem like a really smart move. I am also worried about his security of starts even though he seems to be their only quality goal scorer Bilic has been playing different lineups virtually all season and I have no clue what he's going to do from a game to game basis.

So, I turned my eye on getting Alexis back in. He looked good in Chile's last game albeit with the obligatory penalty miss so it feels good to get him back right now. I haven't owned Wilf all season and it felt like a good time to rectify that as a Palace supporter obviously I am coming into it with significant bias there, but, fuck it. Fixtures are terrible but whatever. I want to have fun so I'll get someone who I love. Phil was blanking his fucking life away for 3 million more so meh. I did give brief consideration for a Soton mid but I could only go up to 6.1 for the slot so Wilf made more sense to me. Dropping both Liverpool guys doesn't feel too risky at this time. With Lallana dead and Hendo really dead they haven't been firing on all cylinders since the fall. Mane can fill his boots any given game but dropping him was the only way I could make the money work to get to Alexis so here we are.

GK: TOM goes at home. Expecting 4 points here with some saves. Fine today w Tom. Will probably hold him until I remove for a hit on the first DGW.

DEF: A little bit nervous with Holebas and Amat sat there on my bench entering a post-international break weekend but hopefully my main three fucks all start. Alonso and Bellend should be fine to start even though Bell will probably get 1 point. Main concern is South American Tony V, but, he should probably get in there given Mou's love affair with him..We'll see.

MID: Two new lads Wilf and Alexis go. It's nice to remove two shares of my attack in the Merseyside derby which as Alon mentioned on the pod usually a cagey lowish scoring job full of fouls and cards. I still have Barkley but I kinda wanna hold him for a little while through these two tough games. He's been fine and hasn't really done much to warrant removal. Finally Siggy sits like a little Sigmund just toting along and titting. Not sure how / when I will be able to wedge in a Spurs mid...maybe I won't do at all. Idk. Fuck Spurs.

FWD: Defoe has been very troublesome for my life. He's provided nothing but 2 pointers since I got him in and I feel like he personally owes me something. The fucker. I will probably turn him into Laddiadini soon, but could really use some points from him for once. Lukaku and Kun round out the group. I feel happy with both of them and am pleased that I was able to hold on to Aguero and still get Alexis in. Hopefully owning both is somewhat of a differential as I still think a Kun explosion is around the corner......

CAP: KUN! Gonna stick with what my gut was feeling on the pod. Even though Alexis is a close second in my thoughts, I'm just gonna go with Aguero and hope he is able to put Arsenal to the sword. Arsenal have looked shitty enough that I have more confidence in City being able to put three past than I do in Arsenal being able to put three past City. Go on Kunny!!!

ALON

Transfers:

OUT: Stanislas and Aguero

IN (For -4 Points): Alli and Vardy

Like it’s fucking 2016 out here I’m bringing it back with Alli and VaRdZzzzzzzzz...

It hurts me to take out Kun, like I was in a fun club and now I’m turning my back on it, I’m sure it will come back to bite me (you should all be captaining Kun) but I really think Alli is vital in this moment. I shouted him on the pod as the most important and best value mid in the game and I stand by that. They have an absolutely scenic fixture run to end the year and Alli is going to bag a ton of ding dongs.

With Ashley Barnes still in my side, playing Spurs, and Gabbiadini being dead I don’t see a third forward within reach that I want. So I’m going 3-5-2 for a little stretch to see how it feels. Vardy I’ve shouted the last two pods and he’s been on fire lately, even donged for England a few days ago. Kun, I love forever, but at his price - we’ve been saying he’s bad value all season for a reason - he’s the only way I could make reasonable money on a transfer to upgrade piece of fuck Stanislas to Alli. Vards in for home Stoke home Sunderland and then probably swap him for Ibra. Feels pretty good for now.

GK: Going with young Jordan lad Pickford at Twatford... Watford are so fucking erratic who knows what kind of performance they’ll put up but Grant is playing at Leicester which easily is worse. Also Deeney might miss out which would be tidy for me (queue up an Okaka hatty).

DEF: Benching Baines in this moment because Liverpool will hopefully fucking assfuck a makeshift Everton backline but I digress. Even though Leighton is on pens I’m going with Matip who still is right on the fucking cusp of dinging in some dongs so let’s go. Federico Fern gets in there for me in a rare cameo but home Boro is just too much of a fuckfest to not tit and then Alonso rounds out my lads as he will never move from this position until the major DGW.

MID: Five man midfield oooo tantalizing I feel like I’m a “clever” twat making a “tactical decision” but whatever; tits of one half dozen the other. Alli welcome back to the squad I wish you the best in all of your donging. The other four keep their place with the luckiest of the bunch being SNODman as his head was in the guillotine but with the Antonio injury and a good fixture at Hull I’ll give him one more week... His time is running out though. Alexis and Mane I still feel are both fantastic picks with huge upsides so I’m not looking to ditch either soon and lastly Razza... At least I still have a piece of the City pie with no Kun. Just hopefully it’s in form Sterling and not fluff everything ever Sterling... time will tell. 

FWD: Only two tods steering the boat in mainstay Lukaku - nothing to be said here he’s owned by everyone ever and on fire - and new boy Judas Vardy. He’s a fucking fucker but he’s on great form, some pretty nice stats, and jizzfest of next couple fixtures. I’m sure it will all backfire in my dumb face.

CAP: Jamie. Vardy. Weird one tbh... The fixture, the form, and a GW in general for captaincy. Hopefully he doesn’t fuck me or Kun doesn’t fuck me. But most likely it’ll be a double penetration fucking gangbang. Fuck.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E59 (Apr. 23, 2019)

Travis is unfortunately under the weather and couldn’t make it, but tonight’s guests are Ashley Johnson and Taliesin Jaffe!

This speaks to me.

Announcements: The Kickstarter campaign is over, but the Kickstarter close party with Joel Hodgson is up. Brian confirms that the six-shots-in-five-minutes bit was iced tea (”If we’d actually had that many shots, we’d all sound like Marisha did.”). Travis Willingham’s Yeehaw Game Ranch will be back next week (Brian: “This universe is expanding in a way that’s making me uncomfortable.” Dani: “I’m afraid for both of your souls.”).

This week, it’s Episode 59: Perspective!

Stats for this week: Yasha rolled the 500th player critical roll of this campaign! It was a natural 20 attack against a babau demon. This episode also marked the first NPC HDYWTDT.

Ashley mentions that Brian wrote her roast of Sam, and she loved every minute of it. 

Brian asks for the music to be brought up a little. In response, the crew cranks it up to excessive levels. Brian: “I love everyone in this building.”

Everyone’s plotting revenge on Travis for jumping out from behind a door to scare them on set a while ago, especially now that the haunted house stretch goal has been met. Taliesin: “There’s not a haunted house he can choose in Los Angeles where I don’t know somebody. He’s fucked.”

Ashley’s decision to charge in against the giants. “I do think, with Yasha, which I’m still figuring out with her, is once she’s engaged in combat it’s hard for her to pull out. (It’s hard for her to PullOutKing.)” She’s enjoying exploring the impulsive side of her class. “Also, that was a little bit prompted by Travis.” She was leaning towards it anyway, but Travis tipped the balance.

Taliesin clarifies that Caduceus is not a pacifist. “He felt that this wasn’t the most advantageous action to take.” He was looking for the path of least resistance that would work out best for everyone. “He wouldn’t have had a second thought about grinding them down into paste if it had come down to it.”

On being close to Yasha’s home turf: “It’s not a place that she’s ready to go back to, because she ran away from there for a very specific reason. She owes her tribe a death, basically, because of what she did.” She’s mainly trying to keep a low profile. She’s also never been this far north in Xhorhas. “She’s cautious. As long as they don’t go South, she might be okay.” She is enjoying things like the familiar food and landscapes, and sharing that a little bit with the others.

Ashley talks about how it feels weirdly private to have your backstory come out in the game. “I think, for me, sitting at the table, these players are very good, and it’s so fun to sit at the table, but it is intimidating.” It’s a combination of wanting to find your groove before the backstory comes out and also feeling strangely protective of it. Taliesin agrees, and adds that you have to do math during it, too.

She also points out that in the first campaign, they didn’t realize how significant their backstories would become in the game (although Taliesin had played with Matt before and knew what to expect).

No Gif of the Week this week. There won’t be one for a while, because “something interesting” is in the works... “A new giveaway, a new contest, for something that isn’t gifs.” Ashley’s a big fan of this mysterious new idea.

Caduceus enjoyed being the face of the party. “Oh man, he loves talking to people. It’s one of the things he actually enjoys, is finding people who want to converse. He’s a big fan of a conversation with stakes.” He’d be more involved if he felt like he really understood the situation more often.

Ashley enjoys some natural ones because they can push you in an interesting direction where you’re not necessarily the hero. The nat 1 stealth roll that started the giant battle led to Ashley better understanding Yasha’s impulsiveness: “Well, I’m out here now, so I gotta finish the fight.”

Clay’s aware of the dispositions of the group he’s with, and he knows his role is to “kind of be Jiminy Cricket. Let’s maybe not murder everyone we-- let’s maybe murder half of everybody we meet.” He’s very aware that Caleb’s more inclined to leave bodies than witnesses. But “serving life”, as his philosophy, is about allowing life to thrive, which can require death and rebirth. “He’s got feelings about everybody, but he sees a lot of potential in Caleb, if he can get his head screwed on straight. He’s not always right about these things, but...”

Yasha is worried about potentially coming across her tribe again. “They have every right to kill her. Yasha thinks that as well. She still feels very cowardly in the decision that she made to run. I don’t know how she would respond to that if she did see them.” She would love to visit Zuala’s grave, but “she ran away during the whole ceremony when Zuala was being executed. The last time she saw her, she was alive, so it’s one of those things where it’s hard to visit a gravesite because then it feels final.” Ouch. Part of her is preparing for that inevitable moment by collecting the flowers. “There’s more there. There’s such a small amount of Yasha’s backstory that we have.”

Fan Art of the Week! Yasha, Jester, Beau, Nott, and flowers.

There’s a brief Babysitter’s Club digression. (Personal shame moment: As a small child, I once got to meet a very famous author I had never heard of at the time (name redacted to preserve my dignity), and promptly asked him if he’d ever met Ann M. Martin because they both lived in NYC.)

This giveaway is Henry-approved! But things go off the rails.

“This is a show about a D&D game. Can we have some god damn professionalism?”

“DO NOT LIGHT MY DOG ON FIRE”

Yasha’s attitude toward seeing Nott’s reunion with her husband is bittersweet, but fundamentally she’s seeing it as “a sign that good things can still happen”. Taliesin: “We’ll find a way to flip that all around. Just give us time.”

Ashley’s actively going to work on finding something to increase Yasha’s AC. “I got hit, I think, every time.”

Cad does miss his siblings and his parents. “The whole dynamic that he had, he misses. But that ended, no matter how complicated or uncomplicated that was, a while ago. He has to assume that what he is doing right now is the best way to find them.” It’s not his whole goal, but if he does what he’s doing, “everybody gets to come home”. He “honestly hasn’t thought about it much”.

The conversation Yasha had about fate with Caduceus was a bit of a turning point for her. She looks at Jester’s very personal relationship with the Traveler, and Caduceus following the Wildmother in a well-developed but impersonal way, “and so for Yasha, it’s still this very new thing for her to-- she doesn’t quite know what faith is yet, or know what it means to fully put your faith in something. She’s taking it day by day and hour by hour, waiting for a sign, because that’s what she thinks the connection is at this point.” There’s more to it that will be explored in-game.

Brian re: the Traveler: “I think it’s some Fight Club shit.”

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights: Episode 97

Paper pre-stream reads “Easter Egg: Brian Wayne Foster’s home address is inscribed on the set somewhere.”

Brian reveals that he’s wearing the shirt with the cross-eyed picture of him that Sam was wearing in the last episode.

There is a betta fish on set, and as soon as they zoom in on it, Marisha’s name-card pops up. Brian: “This is a betta fish. The alpha fish we keep behind a paywall.”

Keyleth now holds the record for most damage dealt in a single turn (690) and the most damage taken in a single blow (363).

Matt kinda hoped that Vex would revive Keyleth and just be like “tell no one this happened.” Everyone adored everything about that moment.

Asked about their characters basically becoming demi-gods at this point, Taliesin: “I’m feeling smug about it.” Sam points out that most of VM isn’t particularly mature, so it’s a little worrying that they’re gaining this much power. Matt; “Eh, fortune favors the bold. It’s fine.”

Matt hasn’t had a campaign get to the upper levels like this before, so he’s really excited to try some new things in the coming arc. Taliesin has never played at such high levels before, or even heard of someone playing at such high levels.

Taliesin figures the most Percy way for Percy to die would be to go into a bar, attempt to threaten everyone, and have everyone turn on him. Sam on the most Taryon way for Taryon to die: pre-Vox Machina, he would go off on a paid hunt and he’d somehow still lose.

Brief digression about how to play out death by autoerotic asphyxiation in D&D. As you do.

Matt definitely shied away from having players “roll for baby” over the break, since he thought that definitely wasn’t a fair thing to throw at a player based on a dice roll. ("...unless you’re Scanlan”) Matt also mentions that Vax and Keyleth have had conversations about how they’re "probably for the most part an asexual relationship.”

Taliesin expands a bit on the fancy ball at Whitestone: “It’s basically a Medieval Times version of Santa’s Village.” Brian: “What would Percy wear to that?” Taliesin: “Cowboy boots and a smile.”

Taliesin mentions that Percy and Cassandra are starting to be a little sillier around each other now, trying to remind themselves that it’s all over. The thing they have most in common that VM doesn’t share is being the product of a legacy and learning to find their own way within that legacy. 

Taliesin has already started a playlist for his character in the next campaign.

Matt is gonna start everyone in the next campaign halfway through level 2 so they get to play with their characters a bit before deciding which archetype to go for.

Sam has a brief rant about how many planes there are in D&D. “Let’s streamline. Let’s streamline.” Matt: “Sam, I am so excited for the RPG you’re releasing next year.” Sam: “The Three Places.”

Matt wasn’t expecting the Shadowfell reveal to come so soon. There was gonna be another reveal down the road that might still play out in the game. Elements of the story may have been accelerated as a result of that bit of player ingenuity.

Taliesin’s character was eaten and there was a near-TPK in the Shadowfell the last time a campaign he played in went there. (He and the other dead players had to go back in playing as the mercenaries sent to retrieve their bodies.)

Keyleth’s natural 20 when touching the orb back in episode 34 was sort of an example of failure by success, in that it delayed the Shadowfell reveal considerably. At that time, though, she could’ve died from the damage it dealt, or gone unconscious and bled out on the other side. If she had made it through, she wouldn’t have had Plane Shift and would’ve had to find a way back, which would’ve started the Shadowfell stuff early. So they would’ve had to work out their priorities given that the Chroma Conclave attacked shortly thereafter.

Matt thought of the scry (reverse-whisper) as a successful test run for maybe pulling out most of the party and isolating players again in the future.

Sam talks a bit about how Matt takes the “cartoonish backstories” they make up and turns them into a coherent narrative.

They were at Matt’s house digging through his minis trying to figure out where the story was gonna go next. (Brian calls out Matt’s impressive mini-painting skills.)

The silencer is a ten-foot bubble of Silence spell that follows Percy around: downside is he can’t hear or say anything while he’s taking those shots. Taliesin is very excited for those potential downsides.

Sam had no warning about the kidnapping; he found out when the rest of us did. When she handed Taryon a cream puff, Matt secretly rolled a constitution saving throw for him---it was essentially a delayed Sleep spell.

Percy’s chilled out a bit over his anger at Scanlan during the past year.

Tary’s started to learn his limitations over the past year---he’s aware of how strong he can be as part of a team, but hasn’t really ventured out on his own yet and is worried about how much of a crutch the money has been for him.

Talks Machine in the Dark:

Matt talks about some of the weird and wacky dragons out there in the expanded D&D literature. Sam: “By the way, in my RPG, there’s only one kind of dragon.” Matt really enjoys creating new creatures, so he’s been veering away from the books a little more often.

Someone suggests that Tary could multiclass into bard. Sam hadn’t thought about that. Matt points out that Doty’s the one writing the book, so maybe Doty should become a bard. Sam: “Can Doty be a bard?” Matt: “No.”

If Percy had the power, would he bring back his dead family? If he thought the consequences would be minimal, sure, but he also has a respect for death. Every time they’ve managed to bring someone back, it was the D&D equivalent of a crash cart, within 24 hours. Percy doesn’t even know where his family’s bodies are. Matt, grinning: “I do.”

Matt points out that this is part of why Keyleth is so frightened of higher-level resurrection spells: how do you choose who you can bring back? What gives you that right? What are the moral implications? He also brings back Kerrek’s probing questions about resurrection. Taliesin sums it up beautifully: “It’s dark and twisted and strange once you start pulling it apart.”

The hardest character death for Matt was Pike’s death back in the home game---it was the first time for a lot of the players to realize that they’d spent a year and a half with this character and she could still be gone like that. Apparently Ashley came home at 3AM distraught and tried explaining the whole thing to Brian, who knew nothing about D&D at the time and was a little confused. “...you died? At Travis and Laura’s?”

Doty can speak primarily because it’s funny, and also because Sam wanted to give Matt something more to do when he plays Doty. There was a lot of discussion over which word it would be. Sam: “It could’ve been Hodor.”

Someone asked whether another Battle Royale will come up, and Matt thinks probably before too long, next time they have players away or just need a week off.

[robronotics]

Post Ep Ponderings January 11

I have to admit, I actually had some problems paying attention tonight. This might be because I’m trying to set up my new el cheapo computer (my mac died about a month ago). Can I just say that Windows is as annoying as I remember? Oh well, the damn thing was cheap af.

But I digress. I’m actually rewatching because I can’t really remember what happened. This could be interesting as I’m going to type thoughts as I watch.

Look at that! Larry being reasonable! He’s right, it is blackmail and Chrissie can’t be sure that Cain actually did have Lachlan beat up, because he didn’t. That would’ve been a much smarter move, to go to the police, but I’m glad she didn’t. I like Cain way more than any of the Whites.

As much as I’m enjoying Tracy and Finn as friends, Finn is KILLING me lately, and not in a good way. Put the phone down Finn and step away before Kasim is calling the cops on you. Doesn’t a day at the salon with Tracy sound so much better? Also, I feel like Ross has been covering Finn’s shifts a lot lately. I feel like that won’t last, brothers or no.

Megan feels really all or nothing to me when it comes to Frank. She either hates the site of him, or is completely happy with him. And are they ever going to really discuss how he just kind of dropped her after they had sex? I thought she was really pissed about that and it certainly wasn’t resolved.

Check out Chrissie with the double insult! Cain and Sam in one go, though it’s really not fair since Sam isn’t even there. Poor Sam. I have to admit though, Cain and Chrissie as adversaries could be really very interesting. Did we ever find out why Chrissie wanted the garage in the first place?

Look at Larry being all honest! Even admitting to his insecurities. Ronnie really does make him at least try to be a better person. And here we go with that honesty biting him in the ass. It’s true though, the shooting is one thing that Lachlan shouldn’t be alone in. He’d still likely get done in for assault, but he’s certainly not alone in the blame.

This episode should be dubbed “The Day the Whites Tried Being Honest.” I’m actually a little surprised that Lachlan admitted to getting himself beat up on purpose so quickly. Not surprising that it all came down to money though. I would never defend the truly horrible things that Lachlan has done, but Chrissie being surprised about him caring more about money is the truly surprising thing here. Look how he was raised after all.

Finn is really naive, isn’t he? Personally, if I were in the same position he’s during the conversation with Nathan in the salon, I would be very suspicious.

Speaking of being naive, apparently I am. I thought Chrissie already knew there was something wrong with Lachlan and could use help, she just thought it might do more damage or something. Kind of like a very twisted version of Laurel and Ashley. But here she seems truly surprised that he might actually need some psychological help. 

Back to the Whites of Honesty day, Chrissie is apparently not playing ball. She would do anything to change Lachlan’s situation? She could confess. That would do it if she really meant what she said. I think Lachlan should go for it and throw Chrissie under the bus. Maybe then Larry can get him the help he really needs.

Boy can I not blame Ronnie for being pissed at Larry right now. Once again I’m seeing some parallels to Robert and Aaron, except this is one of those times when we get a glimpse of how Robert could’ve turned out if Aaron hadn’t taken him back and it was 30 years from now. As much as I agree with Ronnie in this, I can’t help but see why Larry is tormented. After his experience in prison, he can’t very well just send his daughter to the same place.

Okay, the second Finn finds out that Tracy paid Nathan to be interested in him, he’s going to be really pissed and I won’t blame him. I know she has the best intentions, but didn’t those pave the road to hell or something like that?

For just a minute, I thought Charity was going to be good at making the deal for the stag do at the pub. Now I’m not so sure. I’m thinking that something is going to go very wrong.

Well, all this stuff with the Whites is going to come to a head soon. I wonder if they’re going to kill off Lachlan?