#i was jamming out so hard
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
hilarious that with each new day that passes a new bit of dirt from JD Vance's past gets discovered and plastered over the internet...it's almost as if this is why presidential campaigns have always announced their running mates well before the convention...so that if glaring issues with a candidate came to light quickly there would be time to replace them on the ticket before they were officially locked in...it's almost as if certain things in political campaigns were done for a reason, donald...because the very same critical failures had happened before...but no i'm sure you and your guys attempt to recreate a fantasy version of history while ignoring all the reasons that history was a disaster will work this time...because you are built different and the 10000th time trying fascism will work like a charm...
#us politics#politics tw#i view the MAGA movement like this:#the conservatives have been desperately trying to jam a square peg into a round hole for a very long time#and they keep trying because one of these times its GOT to work! a very long time ago they heard the hole was more squarelike#so if they just TRY hard enough it will work!#failing to understand that the hole has become weathered and changed over time and the solution they are trying#will never work (if it ever did)#and then donald trump comes along and looks at the square peg#lobs one of the corners off and proclaims 'this is a triangle! THIS will work! I am so smart!'#and everyone around him is like 'whoa! this guy gets it! he's a genius and understands the problem! he's our savior!'#ignoring the fact that the peg is not a fucking triangle. it's just a deformed square now#so its still not going to work. and even if it WAS a triangle it still wouldn't work because THE HOLE IS ROUND.#it's the same damn peg but it looks a little different so everyone thinks its a genius solution that is DEFINITELY going to work#so they're all excited! they're FINALLY going to prove those idiots trying different types of oval pegs wrong!#they were right all along and it just took donald trump to see it! thank goodness he came along!#but that's just it-- he WAS just COMING ALONG. he was just walking by and saw an opportunity. he never spent time trying to make pegs#all he did was saw a crowd and took a chance to break an already failing peg even further#but because the people were desperate and it was different enough it seemed revolutionary#and now some of the conservatives--who can still see that the 'triangle' peg isnt a triangle are starting to look around#and see that elsewhere there have been some who have forced a triangle into the center of the round hole#and these people think well what if we ACTUALLY tried a real triangle?#and it does not matter to them in the slightest that it will never be the true solution to filling the hole#they just want credit for solving the problem#and so they are going to back donald trump and when the time is right put a real triangle in his hand#while the people trying ovals are busy arguing over the right type of oval#and once the triangle has been jammed into that hole...well...#it is going to be really really hard to force out#anyway thats a long and complicated metaphor and i probably should have just put it in its own post aaaaaahgh#long story short dont be a fascist triangle alright
164 notes
·
View notes
Text
What would you choose? :0c
(note: original image is from HERE (link) - but I edited it to add a wider variety of options.. also added $3 extra to the total, even though I know that makes it more uneven lol, I thought if you're adding 10 whole extra items, the money to spend should at least be increased slightly, if that makes sense..)
#I would get orange juice. black coffee. AND iced coffee ($3) because I love the variety of having multiple drinks#then sausage and scrambled eggs ($8). Then sauteed mushrooms ($3)....AND... hrm.. then spending the remaining $4 would be hard#I wish I could get waffles (as they are my favorite and are superior in every way compared to pancakes. donuts. etc.) but I'm not willing#to give up the other savory things just to get them. so... then maybe I could get a biscuit or english muffin? and just put jam or#honey butter or something on it so it can be my replacement 'sweet and bready' thing instead of something from the $5 row??#OR I could also just assume that having the orange juice plus iced coffee would provide enough of a 'sweet element' to the meal#(since I largely prefer savory foods. I only like a tiny bit of sweet added for variety) and thus forego any sort of#'bready' thing entirely and just get the bowl of beans/onion/tomato (I'd leave the avocado since I don't like the#texture of them really lol). THEN I'd have $1 left to get the milk or the black tea... increasing my total of random drinks..#which is always the goal of course.. as a chronic ''person who is sipping at 5 different drinks at their desk simultaneously always'' perso#OR... I could just do.. waffle. scrambled eggs. sausage. mushrooms. and black coffee and orange juice.. which is... okay variety#augh... so difficult.. As my Ideal Breakfast is like a buffet type thing or something where you have like 25 different things to choose fro#and can get a little tiny bit of everything. My eating style is very much like.. I'd rather pick at a small amount of a ton of#different things than just have a very large amount of only one or two things. Thats why I LOVE sample platter type stuff.#So it's like... augh... the ideal option would be a tiny portion of EVERYTHING actually lol...#Difficult to choose...#ANYWAY.. Also no idea why I added croissant instead of bagel. I only thought about that afterwards. I do actually like bagels.#I've only ever even had a croissant like 2 times in my entire life. Yet I've had many bagels. For some reason it stuck out in my mind more#when I was considering 'essential breakfast foods' somehow... how could I forget them... bagels my beloved...#Blame it on the hot weather... 'What in the blazes? The sun hath obliterated the concept of bagels from my miind!'#(< meant to be said in a silly overdramatic elderly wizard accent or something)#Also I don't think ''bowl of beans. onion. avocado. and tomatos.'' is necessarily a breakfast classic or something gbhjjh#but I was just trying to think of a versatile vegetable-ish side that could be full of common breakfast additions#so people could do stuff like ''oh I get the toast option and then the bowl of stuff and I put the avocado on the toast'' etc.#Like a mix and match. You could mix ingredients from different parts. You could put scrambled eggs and bacon and onion#on the bread or soemthing. etc. I just feel like something is always missing if a Full Breakfast Spread#doesnt have some sort of onions or beans or mushrooms or asparagus or spinach like... some sort of thing that isn't just eggs and meat and#bread.. you know? lol..#But then again.. I am the Sampling Plate Style Variety Lover and Tiny Portion Of Food Picker so maybe thats just a me thing.
122 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay gang, here's a silly little game. I've assembled six teams of blended Narnia and Tolkien/LotR characters. Here they are:
For bonus points, tell me in the tags where you're going on your road trip, who has what role (driving, snacks, aux) on the road, and what you'll stop off and see along the way
#this is shameless inspired by the lotr national parks poll#but the crossover potential is just too good#also for characters who wouldn't reasonably fit in said VW bus just handwave it#everyone basically fits okay?#narnia#pontifications and creations#ask me hard questions#tolkien legendarium#i myself am going with team 5 (to no one's shock)#we're gonna hit national parks across america#Bilbo and Treebeard can trade off as DJ#Eärendil gets to help drive and navigate#Lucy is in charge of snapping pics out the window#Reepicheep can lead us in some road trip games or something idk#i feel like this would be a really lovely group to just sit and stare at natural beauty in silence together#which is kinda my jam#occasionally pointing out something really especially lovely#would be fun#edit: as if I left put your fave character I'm sorry both these series have about a million so it was bound to happen#and for Narnia in particular I was trying to bias it towards Narnians rather than friends of narnia#also i was seriously tempted to do a 'team dragon' which would be all the tolkien dragons + eustace haha#polls
309 notes
·
View notes
Text
At this point, gender nonconformity is about what the person says their experience is.
If a woman with a beard or a man with lipstick and a mustache says they're gender nonconforming, then they are! If a woman with short hair or a man with long hair says they aren't, they aren't! And that's not even getting into the awesome nonbinary, abinary, genderqueer, intersex, and general genderfuckery that may both be and not be conforming.
So much of what is even considered gender conforming or gender nonconforming is based on a world of exclusion. When we start defining one's conformity with whether they fit into white cishetero perisex standards or not, we play into the idea that there's only a very narrow window of what is considered worthy of time and thought.
#gender nonconformity#gnc#queer#like. for instance a native man who keeps long hair might be considered GNC by white standards but for him it's absolutely not nonconformit#there's an aspect of white supremacy that silences everything else while saying that other culture's silence is indicative of whiteness...#...being 'correct' or 'moral' or 'neutral'#and as somebody who's trans and last i checked white i have my own thoughts from my own experiences#like how i don't consider myself to really be a GNC man. i'm just. man+#i'm a weird concoction of weird soup that tastes like a man but if it were Wrong#and i just don't see that as not conforming to manhood like it is seperate. i see it as irrevocably linked TO manhood#it is others who have excluded and exiled me from manhood because of *their* understanding of me and how i 'fit in' in cissexism#while i will never ever say i know what it's like to not be white i will say these conversations that PoC have started have been INVALUABLE#i am forever grateful to have been extended the patience and faith to listen in on the experiences of people...#...who are racialized in terms of gender and how they do/don't 'fit in' with often white supremacist views on gender/dynamics#may have made a post like this years back but. eh. arrest me officer i will not back down#i've been more and more 'gnc' as i go into my transition and i don't see it as nonconformity but as an outlet for my masculinity#which is why i'm not insecure about my crafts and creations. because it is coming from a male whether or not it's considered 'manly'#i have little to *no place* in cissexist society so why should i put any stakes into if they ~accept~ me#made this post while jamming out to skyrim's tavern OST (paused my game to write this)#why the HELL does the skyrim tavern music have to go SO HARD. i NEED to slam down BARRELS of mead while listening to this istg#i don't even LIKE honey so i haven't tried mead but. for skyrim i would.
172 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sam Reid full circle 💕 He finally got to play a clown 🤡.... In Paris no less 🤣
source: LestatCanGetIt, sreidthinker and cosmicoraline
The 1st photo/screenshot, according to this, is from Nylon Magazine US (maybe from 2014), the 2nd screenshot is from KTLA 5 - AMC's 'Interview with the Vampire' returns for 'guts out' second season
i hate tumblr dont let us upload more than one video separately and i have to compilated them. The 1st video is from Xfinity Hangouts interview and the 2nd video is from a KTLA 5 interview. The one that is on their official channel on yt is not completely but someone uploaded the full version on yt
-----
“anderson: (laughing) (laughing progressively harder) (laughing)”
Close enough. Welcome back Jacob zendaya and Sam holland 🙃
Occasionally they also switch to Sam zendaya and Jacob holland 🤭
#jam reiderson#sam reid#jacob anderson#jacob was laugling like the clown he is#he is dickmatized in fact#quoting comments from the link#jacob laughing so hard it had to be included in the interview twice… can you please have some decorum jesus christ#is not even that funny#“I can never hear you talk a out clowning” how much is he talking about clowning???#“no disrespect to the clown community” “[joke redacted]”#really can’t take them anywhere not even on live morning news they behave 😭#jacob really isn't saying anything that funny most of the time but sam always laughs so uninhibitedly with him my heart is healed#he mentions being afraid of clowns in a 2020 raleigh ritchie song so WHICH IS IT JACOB#i need to know what the joke was 😭 LET ME IN. LET ME INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy Wednesday! I’m on spring break and blissfully alone at a cafe writing for a few hours this morning. The weather is just starting to turn nice (though its supposed to rain tomorrow) but I can feel spring coming properly, which makes me happy. I hope y’all are getting some nicer weather soon, too.
I’m plugging away on my new WIP. I previously mentioned I’m tentatively titling it Back and Back and Back. I also quite like Start at the End, though I’m not sure if that description will end up strictly accurate, so might not work. We shall see.
I’m going to go ahead and share the premise now (or rather, the inspiration) because why not? I was reading through @carryonprompts and found this one and quite liked the idea. I started daydreaming about it in earnest right away. This was the first thing I wrote:
Past
BAZ age 6, 2003
When I get home from school, Vera always makes me a snack. After that, I’m supposed to do my homework before I’m allowed to go outside and play. There’s always pages and pages of it, and it’s horrid, because it’s so easy, it makes me want to rip it to pieces, or hide it under my bed. And if I have to read one more book about Dick and Jane, I think I might scream. (I’ve read every one of the books in my Beatrix Potter collections. Doesn’t my teacher know that if I can read words like presently, I shouldn’t need to read these baby primers?)
Even though I could do this stuff in my sleep, it’s going to have to wait because today he is here.
Or at least, I think he is. I only saw a flash of red out beyond the trees, but that’s as good a sign as any. I don’t want to make him wait, because I don’t know how long he’ll have to visit today, so I have to plan my escape quite quickly.
I don’t imagine this holding too closely to the book/movie. I’m taking inspiration from parts I liked (and can remember 15 years later lol) but shaping this to be a Watford-era, canon divergent fic with some time traveling/soul mate/destiny elements. It feels very ambitious for me to try writing time travel because it hurts my brain to even consume time travel media sometimes 🤣 and I am much more of a pantser than a planner when I write. Then again, the prospect of pulling off this sort of challenge intrigues me. Wish me luck!
Tags/hello/hope you are well 😘
@fatalfangirl @whatevertheweather @thewholelemon @cutestkilla @moodandmist @mooncello @aristocratic-otter @artsyunderstudy @bookish-bogwitch @facewithoutheart @valeffelees @shrekgogurt @iamamythologicalcreature @youarenevertooold @brilla-brilla-estrellita @forabeatofadrum @j-nipper-95 @larkral @leithillustration @messofthejess @captain-aralias @nightimedreamersworld @wellbelesbian @run-for-chamo-miles @roomwithanopenfire @raenestee @rimeswithpurple @theimpossibledemon @theearlgreymage @whogaveyoupermission @monbons @noblecorgi @emeryhall @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ileadacharmedlife @that-disabled-princess @blackberrysummerblog @prettygoododds @ic3-que3n @hushed-chorus @orange-peony @alexalexinii @angelsfalling16 @arthurkko @letraspal @supercutedinosaurs
#Seriously wish me luck#i think this is going to be hard#I know I will hit a wall at some point and need to brainstorm and bounce ideas off of someone#so if figuring out the intricacies of a time travel relationship with different knowledge/experience with each other than the other person#sounds like your jam please hit me up#I’m sweating just typing that and wondering if it even makes sense 💀😅#snowbaz#baz pitch#simon snow#my writing#carry on fanfiction#back and back and back
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
Donr
#very simple compared to Leo#im more so making their pre mutations#donnies shell colour was hard to figure out#and i know its not completely right#but i only have so many paint markers#He's super cute still#and i put the little heart on his shell that people normally give him#i think my next one will be raph#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt donnie#jams art room
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
My mum was on the phone with her boss and said 'my son rolled me to the hospital in a wheelchair' (its me im the son) which was fun :3
#so uhm turns out she broke her leg#and just decided it wasnt that bad so she didnt go to the emergency#but today we went and yeah turns out it was bad!#(my mum is disabled so there are reasons why she didnt know whether it was broken or not)#anyway yeah she gets to stay in hospital and i get to sleep at her place to babysit the cat for a week#also i jammed my finger in a door at the hospital (like very hard) and it still hurts gours later#but a nice doctor who saw it gave me a bottle of coke to cool my finger which helped#so uhm yeah im having a day#also there was this very sweet nurse who helped my mum and he was so charming and handsome *dreamy sigh*#alright enough ramble posting im going home now to get some stuff and see my flatmates real quick#mine
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm very late in posting this, but this year I ran the Salt Goblins: A Choose Your Own Mischief Adventure zine in this year's D20 Zine Jam. The cover as pictured above was done by the ever steadfast @julnites (along with spot illustrations inside), and @metztreme & @juiceboxes42 contributed amazing goblin pieces you gotta see they are just so good.
‼️ Please check out the charity bundle this month‼️All proceeds raised before the end of August are being donated to humanitarian aid for Palestine, so do it now if you can! There's over 60 zines chock full of amazing Dimension 20 fan creations!!!!
#salt goblin#dimension 20#palestine fundraiser#acofaf#d20 zine jam 2024#d20 acofaf#goblin#i shouldve posted this way sooner but it has been. a month#please check out the gobs🙏 despite everything we worked hard on it n i appreciate everyones contributions so much#esp considering how absent i ended up being#this is the most ive written in years and the second time ive put my written work out there so.#i may still go back and do more for it if the inspiration strikes me because i didnt get to do as much as i wanted#but for now im still recooping so. back i go to my cave#ttfn
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
just finished the 2nd coldfire book and gerald tarrant's relationship with dignity is so interesting to me. from jump we have this man whose well-groomed, immaculate appearance damien's narration cannot stop harping on about. tarrant is the picture of dignity: cool, quiet, obsessed with cleanliness. in when true night falls and he almost blows himself up and needs damien to bury him in a hole like a flower bulb just to survive the morning, one of the first things gerald does after emerging is magicking the dirt and blood off his body and hair. it's not a preference at that point, it's a compulsion, it's an emotional necessity.
and yet gerald's approach to immortality renders him so vulnerable in just one very particular way, and in both book 1 and 2 his enemies exploit that vulnerability to such a degree that gerald is rendered little better than a rag doll. it's a one-hit almost-kill kind of vulnerability; he doesn't even have a chance to fight back. and because he is what he is, he can still survive for a long time: burned, disfigured, in agony, weakened, but "alive." in book 1, damien & co find him basically jesus-on-a-cross'd in the middle of blinding light, burned so badly that his body is barely holding together; in book 2, after he gets one-shot, the bad guys strip him almost naked and leave him pinned to the floor to wait for sunrise to finish the job. and he SURVIVES this shit. and, in book 2, in the next scene where he's conscious: put together, calm, imminently in control of himself once again.
it just gets me, this need for some sense of dignity specifically because of his power, or rather its one (1) weakness. he doesn't wear armor, he's ridiculously, stupidly dangerous and powerful, but he's got an achilles heel that can, in a matter of seconds, in the face of power great enough, put him flat on his face and suffering unimaginable pain for possibly days at a time, at the tender mercies of whoever wants him powerless, and so he still needs to project control. not a speck of dirt on his clothes, not a tangle in his hair, not a hitch of emotion in his voice. he's old enough, powerful enough, that he shouldn't need to present himself this way. and yet.
#coldfire trilogy#i feel like i'm not saying this in an intelligent enough way#i haven't been sleeping enough & it's hard to order my thoughts and like. get at what i mean#i guess it just boils down to me loving a bad guy who is also a control freak about the way he Presents#when they have a hundred times more power than any human could ever need but they still need to be Better Than You on a physical level#like you may as well just come out and say that you're projecting. that you are so so so afraid of being human. because humans are weak.#because humans die. and you can't die.#and humiliation is better than death but oh god you can't let anyone think those weaknesses are YOU.#if you pretend you're clean enough then they'll never remember the burnt flesh the weakened body your need for rescue#dignity and power and OH BOY it's just such my fucking jam#gerald tarrant everything i have (mostly my brainpower) is yours i'm obsessed with you.#i'm also obsessed with damien but he'll get his own post eventually
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
#ts4#ts4 legacy#ts4 gameplay#the sims#simblr#'21#nː#s: kian#more raw screenshots of his gp undercut :DD#most of the time he's exhausted and stinky because du gp was jam packed it was hella stressful#but basically shaye gave him a visit once and it was cute! he shared his secret and she bursted out laughing#i'd like to believe that he told her about chess girl and she found it hilarious as if: someone is into you? no way it must be hard for the#having to do all the work :)))) like she couldn't believe it#i played through 3½ of the semesters then got bored so i rotated through my households and guess what#I. MISSED. THE. GRADUATION. 😭#next post will be about his graduation. it's fake but at least i gave him some justice 🥲#discover university#cier save
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
I got these shoes from someone recently but thought they were way too plain looking, so I set out on a quest to customize them with some sharpies and charms and miscellaneous ribbon I had in my craft drawers. Mostly sky themed (clouds, rainbows, rain, stars, etc.) because that's my favorite aesthetic, but I had to include some cat imagery as well, of course lol.
#also honestly had NO IDEA that real converse have that star logo on the INSIDE not the outer part??? why the hell would you want it on the#inner portion where nobody can see it?? my entire life I always would have sworn it was on the outer facing portion..#I think these would be perfect IF they were just slightly taller (top part higher above ankles instead of just weird hard material digging#right into your ankle whenever you walk) and if they were actual good platforms. they're so short. It's good that 'chunky' shoes are gettin#more popular as they've always been my favorite Look ever since I had these shoes with roller skates that pop out of thebottom (not heelys.#but like. before those. it was two whole entire roller skate wheels like a normal pair of roller skates) and the bottoms were so tall and#clunky and it made my feet look giant (because it had.. entire wheels in the bottom pockets lol). so#I've alwatys been into the aesthetic but . still I find a lot of the 'brands jumping on trend' are too short of platforms#OR they're plafrorms with a raised back/heel/wedge which to me is not aesthetically good and also makes them exceptionally uncomfortable to#wear compared to just plain completely flat chunky platform bottoms. ANYWAY.. if these shoes had a 3 or 4 inch platform I think they'd be#cooler. however for what they are it's still fine! and I like them more now that they actually have some sort of anything to them and#aren't just plain white. The weird thing is that the material it's made out of (maybe some sort of leather or something) absorbs sharpie?#the color changes over time. You draw a mark and then leave it for a few days and it either fades into being barely there or has changed#colors. so I had to go back in and redo parts. ALSO the shoe chains are so funny because I did NOT have the right tools for them#I don't have the stuff to make bracelets or open and close the little rings. they're held onto the shoe with just safety pins and the actua#little rung things that hold the charms on half of them are like broken or the metal is just jam smushed together bent and warped hhbjhjhb#I actually like the back a lot where there's the irridecent star thing hot glued on there. it's cool and shiny. and the clouds#are sparkly on the main parts of the shoe though I'm not sure how well it shows up in pictures#ANYWAY... shoegs..... If I were rich this is one of the things I would definitely custom order from craftsman#why would I spend like thousands of dollars on plain ass shoes that are just expensive because they're a Luxury Brand when I could literall#like pay people to create me custom shoes to my exact specifications?? I could have like 5 inch flat platform boots with fur andclouds#and cat shaped holes in the bottom with LEDs in them with pom pom and charms and etc. etc. etc. Like as gaudy and excessively over#decorated as I want lol.. AND they could have skates in the bottom somehow!! ghjgbhjb#this on top of all the custom wizard costumes and period clothing I would order.. Like i LOVE customizing things. I love everything in my l#life being as particualr as possible and cultivating every experience I have to meticulously meet my own specific criteria as much#as is possible. If I had the money to I would never buy something from a store again. EVERYTHING I owned from furniture to clothing#would be either made by me - or mostly - comissioned from craftsmen. custom tiles for my floors. custom bed. custom table.#even like. custom toilet. custom sinks. etc. etc. ouGGH... but yeah.. anyway... shoes..
155 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#HELP I LOCKED MYSELF OUT#the door lock is now jammed and I'm stuck outside#i have to start my work in 15 mins aaaaaahhh#why locks are so hard
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
URL song game
rules: write one song for every letter in your url, and then tag as many people as there are letters in your url
Tagged by @littlemissclandestine and @simply-jason 🩷 I just hit shuffle but made sure to use songs I know I've listened to in the last couple of months.
A - Alien Love Call - Turnstile, BADBADNOTGOOD, Blood Orange
L - Lo Que Siento - Coco
E - Eternos - Lenora Post Punk
X - Xerces - Deftones
X - X - System Of A Down
M - Moonlight - Kali Uchis
A - All I've Ever Known - Bahamas
S - Sing - My Chemical Romance
O - Often - The Weeknd
N - Nothing's Gonna Keep Me Down - Yellow Days
Tagging @captmactavish @carlosoliveiraa @bbrocklesnar @felrija @finding-comfort-in-rain @aceghosts @simonxriley @hollytanaka @cloudofbutterflies92 @chloekistune & anyone else. No pressure.
#the x was hard for me#but i did end up making a playlist out of this so guess who's jamming 😆#tagged: game#music tag#about taylor
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
nothing has ever gotten me as fast as seeing something I read and only partially liked referred to as the coughing baby in a coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb dichotomy
#immediately went to the library and placed a hold on the hydrogen bomb#I saw someone say it discusses similar things to black sails YEAH BABY#(the locked tomb was the coughing baby. which I partially enjoyed but struggled with for many reasons)#(the traitor baru cormorant is the hydrogen bomb. i am very excited to read a gut wrenching story about imperialism)#there are two copies out right now and I am the first hold so hopefully I'll get it soon!!!! exciting#and it's hard fantasy apparently? which is my jam so I think I'm going to really like it
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
oct 29, 2024
weird day for me a little bit, and all because of a minor issue, which feels silly.
started off ok! was supposed to go grocery shopping in the morning but didn't do that bcs I was spending time researching something I enjoyed (trying to do more things that make me happy), and I was looking forward to my physical therapy session very much! it went really well, but at the end she'd gone a bit over time (which I didn't know) and I wanted to know how thick her yoga mat was, so she went over and told me the brand and I measured it by comparing it with my finger to measure later, but I guess I was taking too much time doing that and so she very politely told me that she was running late already and that she'd like to be able to get off work on time. Which is a totally reasonable request! but it just made me feel really shitty for some reason. It's hard to say what I was feeling and why, I will reflect on this now.
I think in part it's the "oh shit I fucked up" feeling (guilt??) of having to be redirected. Also feeling like I was being rushed and just not appreciating that bcs I was leaving anyways but she told me to leave before I could show her that I was leaving. Realizing something about this situation and my reaction read as "RSD" to me, so I looked it up and indeed. I felt very self conscious and guilty for doing something I felt I had done wrong, but my emotional reaction and duration of that feeling was disproportionate to the event itself. It took me until 8pm (PT ended at 3pm) having a positive interaction with my roommate to turn that around.
But also the interaction with my roommate was interesting bcs it did not start off positively. I had finished a jar of jam that was in the fridge, and it only occurred to me after finishing it that it might not be considered a condiment by some and therefore not a shared item, but instead my roommate's personal jam. So I asked her, and she confirmed it was indeed her personal jam, and either bcs the tone of her voice or just my residual feelings from my interaction with my physical therapist, I felt like I had once again fucked up. But not as bad as with my physical therapist bcs I was going to buy more jam tomorrow anyways, so not a huge deal. Then I realize, "shit. I was only planning on buying 1 jar of jam to replace the one I finished, but now I'll have to buy 2 jars bcs my roommate will want her own personal jar. but I don't eat jam regularly, and I don't know anyone who eats jam regularly enough that having 2 of the same flavors would make sense" etc. etc. etc.
But! instead of continuing to spiral and feel like a shit human being for being rude and inconsiderate and finishing my roommates jam, and who knows maybe she has that jam every day and it's her favorite jam but I just never noticed it move or change in volume since I've been here so I incorrectly assumed it had been abandoned and helped myself to it, and what kind of horrible careless person does that, etc etc etc.
INSTEAD of continuing down that line of thought, I sent her a message being like, "hey, would you be interested in sharing jam or would you prefer your own jar? I never manage to finish mine so it'd be really helpful for me, but I also totally get why someone would prefer to have their own" and guess what. guess fucking what. she's ALSO bad at finishing jams and she's more than happy to share jam with me! And now I'm very happy that I was brave and authentic to myself and my weird thought spirals and that it panned out positively for me!!! And now I can feel closer to my roommate as we share jars of jam! Wahoooieee!
#personal#me#it also didn't help that I hadn't eaten enough#the whole emotional situation i mean#i forget how hard i can be on myself sometimes man#but also like. obviously I am being impacted by another recent event#I'm not just randomly terrified of fucking up. and spiralling and having disproportionate emotional reactions bcs of perceived mis-steps.#RSD for me really hits with failure and criticism#and I agree that it isn't helpful to the person I caused harm to that I feel so bad and guilty that I'm having a breakdown !#but quite frankly. that is how my brain works sometimes. and I do my best to manage it and to be kind to myself instead.#it's not something i really recognize most of the time tbh#i guess partially bcs limited social interaction huh#so im just really self critical but i do that alone#im trying to share more of my daily experiences and thought processes bcs after typing all of this out.#im realizing the whole jam discourse i was having is not how most people would think#nor would it impact them that much
2 notes
·
View notes