#i didnt even think about the second one thats my bad
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yall it turns out i have TWO boundaries.
minors please do not interact
proshippers pls dont interact
REQUESTS OPEN BTW
OOH PINNED POST IDEA: im going to take over this with the list of everything i want to be workong on(This list is not exhaustive I know I'm missing a good amount of shit, I'll add it as I remember it but there's just so much.) :
Comic Redraws
Dashcon Lamb Drawings (I already have all the lambs I wanna draw I just need to draw em now)
Kissing Booth Wrap-up (I have how I want it to end finally. I BTG'd that shit. bAHAHAHA)
Dream Eater Aniamtion
Discovery Comic. (FOTL comic about nari finding out about the seal.)
Kallamar Lore comics: His Birth, Shamura's Memory of the Boat, How he acquired his crown.
Kalladad Art: The graves he made his 2 kids, him travelling to Gilded Peaks and befriending the Lamb's friend, Him talking with the Goddess of Greif.
Drawing the minibosses.
God of Peace Reference , Goddess of Greif Reference, God of the Sea Reference, Moon Deity Reference, She who Lurks in the Trenches (Sea Demon).
Finish the Design of Gilded Peak's Leader (Crowned Goat, but not The Goat. I only made them a goat bc they live on a mountain LMFAO.)
Alternative Narinder Design (Not being used, but a fun exploration for the people curious on how i would've went with him.)
Beyond the Grove Chapter 1.
Comic about Narinder and Aym's strained relations.
Comic where Aym discovers Notre and Brejul's relationship with Narinder.
Narinders Twitter Announcement animatic
Ratau (Always)
Leshycat + Leshylamb (Requested)
Wedding Comic (As soon as the trauma connected to that comic stops freezing me up when I work on it)
BTG concept art for later chapters. Outfit changes, monsters, and Gilded Peaks.
Comic where Narinder confronts Hermes.
Kallamar with Longer hair.
Comic about Narinder's Nightmares.
Comic about Heket acquiring her crown.
Lamb and Nari at the Smugglers Sanctuary.
Lamb's Button (NSFW, wont be posted here but just put on this list for myself to remember)
Unfinished Pieces in the WIP Stack. (Paintings, doodles, etc.)
Asks
Leshy + Heket Nightmares comic
Young Heket and the Fox
Dissenter comic
Crusading with the Goat
Beach episode with rue and Spiders babies
Nari info page
Ratau's past
start up doing studies again
strawberry chapstick narinder
valefar meets the goat
crown sex (rick request)
Conveyor Belt Lambs (Winter, Huntsers, rick)
Sticker Nari
Lambs eating breads
GOAT LORE (finally)
hips gif
lamb cant fuckin read comic
nari's gay ass moms comic
hot make out sesh with rue
vitas biting the FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!! out of humphrey
Cotl vore
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i do think the most interesting interpretation of btvs lore is that non-vampire demons and mystical entities ALL have souls, unless they sold, destroyed or otherwise got rid of them (like the mayor)
#because first of all: it gives a potential explanation for why there is a VAMPIRE slayer who specializes in vamps and not just a ''slayer''#like why vampires are singled out in particular. if its because they are in some inherent way crueler more evil less human less worthy#than at least the average demon altho not the most terrible demons. and that kind of checks!! plenty of demons seem to be fairly chill#amoral maybe and have weird diets but not necessarily Big Bads. whereas all vampires by definition drain humans of blood for fun and profit#second: it explains a lot about anya in particular - i'm thinking of two things in s7 when she's a-venging again#1. when she sees spike's soul in his eyes and is Shocked. not the face of a woman who has never seen a soul in the eyes of a demon before#2. no one is like ''oh anya has a soul!!! you cant slay her'' or ''how can you be a demon again when you have a soul wahhh''#i bet everyone just knows she has a soul. she's had a soul the whole time. everyone knows that. everyone's been knowing that.#third: it explains Why Angel And Spike Are Such Frickin Big Deals lmaoooo#the whole ''vampire with a soul'' thing isnt understood by buffy in s1 - angel tells her about it and she's like okay sure. try harder#the concept of ''souls'' being ''something'' that one ''has'' is like so ... it ONLY MAKES SENSE if vampires are KNOWN to NOT HAVE SOULS!!!#like imagine youre a demon or w/e and some master vamp comes along and youre like ''oh shit'' and he's like nah man ... ive got my Soul#and youre like ''oh SHIT. i didnt know you could do that''#vaguely related point: i think something people in fandom have always struggled with (''struggled with'' is the nice way of phrasing)#is the idea that in buffy's mind vampire with soul = good / vampire without soul = bad ALWAYS NO EXCEPTIONS#and like. theres so much nuance there. nuance number one being that buffy anne summers is the Queen Of Black And White Thinking#and we gotta take what she says with a grain of salt. nuance number two being obviously bad people can do good things and vice versa#nuance number three is that she's kinda right? if you have no true moral compass AND no true empathy AND delight in causing pain You're Bad#anyway i think this take ^^^^ about demons having souls and the people of btvs being aware of this lends EVEN MORE NUANCE!!!#because people in fandom love being like ..... buffy would kill anything without a soul. and protect anything with a soul. which tbh#i think is a deliberate misunderstanding of the source material. buffy would kill anything that harms humans and will protect#anyone that is human. thats her fucking job lmaoooooooooooooo its her calling in life. get bent#i'm ending the tag spiral here <3#it's terribly simple
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theres just something about being inherently unworthy of love
#the cycle of i need to make friends. i need attention. why would someone bother with me? i dont have anything to give. are we friends? why#arent you paying attention to me? tell me that you love me. but it could never be sincere towards someone like me. i cant be loved.#love isnt real. i am love. i am the only one who loves. it hurts. why cant i be loved? is anyone else real? is this a dream? am i dead? is#this hell? whats real is fake and whats fake is real. its wonderland. rabbits talk cookies make you big or small everyone is so confusing.#do others love me or hate me or feel indifferent? it seems to switch as random. one day you'll adore me the next its as if we never met. and#i have to keep making friends. i cant keep making friends. if i dont i'll end up with no friends. i dont know how to make more friends.#clinging to bubbles floating up scrambling to catch another as it pops so you dont fall. everyone blends together whats what whos who?#in the span of a few years i feel like an immortal tortured with the despair of outliving all their relationships#except everyone is perfectly alive just out of reach. but i cant just talk to people. thats bad. no one wants me. i cant do that to someone.#every bubble pops at some point. i cant find anything sturdier. fleeting bursts of attention are ok for now#but i cant even get that. so what do i do? i want to sacrifice myself to make people like me but i have nothing left to give.#whats the point of me? if i cant love and be loved if i cant find more than a few people who will stay for more than a second. what do i#have to do? please tell me what you want. i'm sure i can do it somehow. can i do it somehow? i cant. i cant. i cant anymore. im sorry. just#forget about me. you dont need me. youll be happier when you dont even know who i am anymore. i can disappear without a trace for you. thats#all i can do. take the weight off our shoulders. im just using you if you think about it anyways. to feed my own selfish desire for love i#never deserved. keep myself afloat while i drag you down. isnt it time for me to sink? in a shark attack punch it in the gills. youll be ok.#more than ok. free. i didnt want to bite your leg but i just needed something anything. i dont know any better and i never will. thats why i#belong in the depths where i cant hurt anyone. i cant do anything but hurt. what more am i good for? what more have i done? what have i done#for you? think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it.#its nothing.
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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man i dontthink i can be in a real relationship ever again im just starting to process how everyone has treated me HORRIBLY
#and by everyone i mean. like 2 people. both of them were bad to me#godd i stayed with this one guy for like 4 years and he never even kissed me. but he was my first boyfriend so i just thought it was normal#he was so distant and i didnt even realize it. and then the second person came along right after he broke up with me and they#were super touchy super affectionate which i loved after being neglected for so long. but then they left me after a month.#and i never talk about it ever because i HATE talking about relationships it makes me feel like a loser.#''ohhh im so touch starved ive never felt truly loved'' what are you some kind of incel#and i need to sotp getting so attached to people who show me any kind of affection i cannot handle a relationship no matter how much i#think i want it. a friend kissed me a couple weeks and now its to the point shes been appearing in my dreams.#theyre really vivid too. i dont even know if i see her that way im not trying to process what my subconscious wants right now.#but its happened like 3 times now and i think it was because i ended up kissing her neck too. thats the main thing that happens in them.#it was so quick it didnt mean ANYTHING but my head wont let me forget about it. what the fuck ever man.#anyway. at least i can laugh about the fact the first guy broke up with me over amino
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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
#sh tw#(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#im cursed with being a bit too self aware so#i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things#(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER#BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM#back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat#[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything#so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend#so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice#i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together#(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING
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.
#i could never be internet famous#like somehow i seem to get the really obnoxious asshole within the first or second replies#not to detract from people that get hundreds of those on top of a thousand pretty decent replies#but the number of times i didnt even get the pleasant experience before some dickhead came along and ruined it#idk man some people just cannot read a room#and think that this post with zero notes from this nobody is exactly who needs to get 'put in their place' or w/e#at least here its all strangers i can block#on facebook i had people who i knew in real life do that constantly#shoutout to that one college teacher i had who could not keep his damn mouth shut when not about him#like would you do this if we were in the same room? maybe thats why people find you unpleasant#(said teacher was cool in person and it was after i had finished the class with him but oh my god learn some internet ettiquette)#honestly the number of truly pleasant internet experiences ive had outweigh the shitty ones (love to my friends and mutuals 😘)#but this is that psyche thing where you focus on the bad way more than the good- a thing i am aware i need to work on#just idk man#it shouldnt weigh on me like it does but b/t not having written much in like a year (after i thought i was over my writers block)#the thought of finally finishing my thing and putting it out there only to be met by a handful of readers who do not get what im doing#and deciding to make it my problem#even if its outweighed by people who dig what im doing#makes me even less inclined to get back to it#i need to work through it i know#maybe i need to just tell myself i dont have to share it#it can wallow on my harddrive#worked the first time
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fhrrrerrhrhghrgegheehehewehthete5eg
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#im so fucking frustrated!;!!!_;$+-_647757⁵7#im mad and annoyed and angry and tired#and i cant even do anything about it its all fucking hopeless#like im tired cause i had to watch the stupid fucking kids from the moment they woke up to the moment they wnet to fucking sleep#LIKE IM NOT THEIR FUCKING PARENTS I DIDNT HAVE FUCKING KIDS I FONT WANT TO WATCH THEMM ALL FUCKING DAY#i watch them furing the day because i babysit and km fucking paid to do it but nope now i have to watch them all fucking fayt#and the only reason im not gonna today is cause i have to go to my second fficking job because my sister wont ficking pay me#and even if she did its basically no money#and i cant rven be frustrated im not allowed to yell and scream like i need to#because the alternatove of my screaming is beating the literal dhit out of myself THE OTHER OPTION IS LITERALLY SELF HARM#BUT NOPE SCREAMING AY NOTHING TO RELEIVE ANGER ISNT ALLOWD THATS WHAT FIVE YEAR OLDS DO AND THATS BAD OR WHATEVER#and i csnt fucking tell any of this to my mom cause it doesnt help me this only ever hurts me#oh im tired because i have eork well everyonr is fucking tired and mom works 18 hours so shut up#literally cant tell my mom cause i say im looking for a therapist and thats fucking hard and then shes just like it doesnt take six months#which FUXK OFF I HAVE BEEN DOING OTHER THINGS AS WELL AS FINDING A THERAPIST AND ITS NOT FUCKING EASY SO SHUT UP#MAYBE IM STRUGGLING TO FIND ONE AND I NEED HELP THINK OF THAT JNSTEAD OF JUST MAKING DIGS AT MY INABILITY TO DO THIS#MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET FUCKJNG HOSPTALIZED FOR SOMETHING REALLY AWFUL AND BAD AND IT WOULD ALL BE BETTER#MAYBE IT WOULD BE FUCKING BETTER IF I FUXKING DIED OKAY#BUT NOPE IM THE VILLIAN IN THE HOUSE#MY BROTHER HATES ME FOR BEING TRANS AND THINKING THAT HUMAN DESERVE RIGHTS WHEN HES THE ONE THAT STARTS THESE ARGUEMENTS IN THE FIRST PLACE#MY SISTER HATED ME FOR HATING MY DAD BECAUSE HE WAS AWFUL AND FOR 'NOT HELPING AROUND THE HOUSE'#WHEN I LITERALLY CLEANED THE ENTIRE FRIDGE AND FREEZER ON SUNDAY AND I DO THE DISHES AND SHIT WHEN MY BROTHER DOES NOTHING#HE DOESNT EVEN PHT HIS FUCKING CANS IN THE RECYCLING OR HIS PLATES IN THE FUCKING SINK HE DOES NOTHING BUT IM THE PROBLEM#AND NY MOM FUCKIN HATES ME FOR BEING ME SHE SAYS IM DIFFICULT TO LIVE WITH AND HATES THAT I AM DISABLED AND AUTISTIC AND FAT AND TRANS#BUT I CANT SAY ANY OF THIS AND THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO ANY OF IT#I JUST WANT TO BE DONE WITH LIFE BUT IM SO FUCKING SCARED OF DEATH IRONICALLY#SO INSTEAD I JUST WISH FOR AWFUL THINGS TO HAPPEN TO ME MAYBE I CAN BE DONE WITH IT#soap spoilers
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I accept that ill probably be alone forever. I just wish it wasnt because people were so manipulated by someones fake narrative abt me.
#i wish it was bc i burned half the city down ir smthn#something to actually make me sit there and reflect on the actions i did#rather than trying to sit there and reflect on the actions my abuser said i did knowing damn well i didnt#but feeling like if i dont analyze it the ppl around me will think i dont care about anything#even. though. i. didnt. fucking. do. anyytthingnngggsnahehws i want to strangle you.#like i cant sit here and analyze actions i didnt do bc idk why someone would do that stuff bc i fucking didnt. i can sit here and try to#figure out why someone might do that shit but ultimately idfk because im not them.#im sorry im not this ultimate abuser you want to paint me as. im sorry its kot as simple as 'this person holds views i think are#problematic so that means theyre the abuser'#im sorry that you look at my blog. see someone you think is cringe. and decide my weird awkwardness is enough evidence.#idk wtf to tell you dude. your fave is the one who did it. idk what tf to tell you.#i also dk how you can see all their 'rape is fun' drawings and not even SUSPECT FOR A SECOND that it could be them lmao.#but whatever. ppl gonna listen to the most popular ppl bc thats how ppl are in abusive smear camapigns like this.#ppl will always side w the more popular person. thats just a fact like thats something i learned early about#emotionally abusive ppl like them.#i cant sit here and pretend for you to make it so easy. that im the bad guy and its just seewww obvious bc of whatever politics you think#i have. i cant sit here anymore letting you believe that. i cant sit here anymore letting you believe the world is black and white and#you can just sort people into boxes of good and evil.#im mot what you think i am and thats my final answer. if you cant deal with that reality then idk wtf to tell you.
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Everytime I realize how.... Chill... My mom is im... Im torn between thinking it's the best and not /:
#miranda talking shit#She lets me do anything and basically always have. Well as a child she didnt ofc but generally things i WANTED to do i was#Allowed to do unless something obvious came in tje way. I wanted to see a friend i was allowed. Wanted to go to a bday party#Allowed. She was so chill and yeah. Only as an adult i realized its not super common? Like she was and still is more a friend than parent#There has not been anything she ever said... No against or openly expressed doubt about. Not that i was wild or anything#I never have done much crazy things no parties with alchol or anything but even if i did... She'd probably be ok with it#Idk if its bc she trusts me or what? Bc i know she cares and by nature she is a worry wart. Thats why i have been able to tell her like#Anything. I havent but i genuinely think i could and she'd not freak out too bad about things. She let me go fly out to germany#First time i ever flew alone... And i had to change flight and i was 15. To see a girl she had only known about for a year from conversatin#She ... Never said anything against it. I barely remember i asked for her permission i just said mom i want to fly to germany#To celebrate xmas with my gf and she was like aight. And same with her coming to me. Oh an stranger from another country is#Coming to live with us for a few weeks? Who speaks no swe? Alright okay shes welcome! And same about flying to london to visit my online#Friends. That was potentially worse bc i wasnt staying with anyone i knew... So i was technically alone for quite some time when i was thee#And i had talked less about those people. At thay point i was 18 so technically she didnt have the right to stop me... But she just said ye#Ok ill help pay for it (: when my sister heard about it she flipped. And when i went on a second date with a guy#And spontaneously asked to stay over at his place... Mom had already left to get me and was just like lol ok ill turn around 😂#At one hand this has been good for me bc... I dont naturally seek out experience and dare to do thing so if i got big#Arguments and stuff thrown at me when i wanted to do something id probably just ... Id not do shit and i already almost do that lol#But shes also too agreeable. She never had that authority over me... And is more like a friend . Aka if i ask her to do something she will#Do it 9/10 times without arguing and that has definitely missed me some lessons of own responsibility etc. I guess one can argue#Bc im autistic its okay to have more reliance on my mom. But yeah... Ive been trying to do so less. I mean some things she still does help#Me with. But since i live alone its... I cant rely on her like i have in the past so been adjusting for me and i dont think ive done all#Well. But yeah. I hear majority of moms either being .. Overbearing or controlling and im here like... Uh.. Oh uh mine is haha#I still think shes the best but probably not the best to make me into an independent human but best emotionally etc#Just ... Weird how she have managed parenting. Bc she is so loving and worring and emotional. I know she is. But she havent let that ....#Go over her kids? She have let her kids do a lot of stuff... With my brothers its been a somewhat problem bc they have acted out#But for me... I mean im reclusive but when i think back im suprised how cool she have been with the things i came with#Considering i usually never wanted anything ... When i came with something it was pretty big stuff like... Traveling outside the country#For the first time ever... To an person and her family she never met or have seen? Yeah . Her trust must be big for me
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Show-off | Mike Ross
pairing: Mike Ross x female!reader
show: Suits
genre: smut word count: 2,9k
summary: you and your co-worker Mike dont get along very well. But when you have something that he needs, suddenly everything is different.
a/n: Just watched the first two episodes of "Suits" and something about Mike is really attractive-
Working in a well-known office as a lawyer has it's advantages. Such as being respected by business people or being able to afford a lot of things, you spend all your evenings analyzing documents rather than meeting actual people.
Nevertheless, sometimes there are also negative factors. For example, my co-worker Mike, who really believes, that he is with his ridiculously skinny tie and sarcastic humor better than the others. Or right now, better than me.
"God, I cant believe you. Can you behave for once?" I use my fingers to push my hair back in frustration, noticing how my head starts to hurt. Its 10 pm and I'm currently trying to stay calm, though because of one man in particular, my nerves seem to be getting thinner within seconds. Valuable time is wasted that I could spend somewhere else instead of with him.
"Now it's my fault, that you don't have the documents with you? Sorry, I can't help you being organized in your own workplace." His voice irritates me. Everything about him is so frustrating.
"I told you, I didnt get the message! How am I supposed to know, that you need something, when you don't tell me anything about it? Maybe you should stop being so childish and ask me in the first place, instead of running to Rachel!" If our job had nothing to do with justice and we werent literally standing in a law company right now, I would kill him. And then I wouldn't hesitate to go to court and say it was self-defense, because I didnt want to hear any of his miserable excuses anymore.
"So what do you think, I should do? I need these documents for tomorrow. Please, I know you don't like me, but it is really urgent." Why does he has such blue eyes? The look he is going me is even more irritating than his voice.
I sign, exhibit my laptop and try to put the pens back, that are laying all over my desk.
"Okay, fine. As I said, the documents are at home, so-" I don´t even get to finish my sentence.
"Great, so I'll meet you there. And I wont even tell anyone, if your place is a mess." His eyes wander over my messy desk, and even If I don´t like to admit it, it's a bad habit of mine. But, he shouldn't make any assumptions about the neatness in my apartment.
"I hope you loose the documents on your way home." At my words, he grins smugly.
"Well, then I could lie and say you didnt found them anymore and I hadnt had the chance to go through them." He leans towards me.
"I'll run you over with my car." He raises his eyebrows at my threat.
"You sure should do something that makes you smile more often. Is that even something you know how to do?" I show him my middle finger and turn to left my office. When I close the door, I hear the laughter in his voice.
"The next storm should be named after you as quickly as you left the room." He follows after me.
"Can you shut up for once? Oh, I forgot. You don´t last one second being silent. Thats a shame, the world could finally heal." His hand rests on his heart, his features fake a hurt expression.
"Ouch. You really don´t like me that much, huh?" His eyes try to search mine.
"You get on my nerves on purpose every fucking day. Should I thank you for that?" I turn my head to look at him.
"Yes, you should. Your life would be so boring without me." He grins at me again from the side, that typical grimace that is always adorn on his face.
"You wish." When I tell him my address, he raises his eyebrows, but before he can make an unfavorable comment, I get into my car.
Darkness surrounds me and when I see him going away, I lower my head to the steering wheel. He really is the best at confusing my emotions.
~~~~~
I turn off the lights of my car and get out of it, so I can finally make my way to my flat. Its not something special, I mean I have a living room, which is quite big and connected to the kitchen, a bedroom and a bath. But I am very lucky, because I have a small balcony, from which I can watch the stars at night. But I usually only do that when I can't sleep.
So, when I enter my apartment, I let my eyes wander over the manageable mess, I put some clothes back in the closet and the dishes in the washing machine. The place almost looks decent, when I hear the doorbell.
As I open the door, I'm nervous for some reason. I let him in and turn to my office drawers, looking for the document.
"Nice place. You live here alone?" His fingers trace my bookshelf, I see him reading the titles.
"No, my wife is still at work." When I look at him dead serious, I see him laugh in surprise.
"So, you do have humor. I thought, you were one of those exceptions that wouldn't be able to do that." He means it as a joke, but something in my chest hurts.
When I reply with a monotonous voice, I see his eyebrows pull together. "I live here alone. That's what you wanted to hear?" I'm getting more frustrated again with every second he's around me.
"No- I didnt mean it that way. I'm sorry. My intentions were good, I promise." When I look at him for a moment, I see his honest expression.
It would be so easier for me to hate him, if I didnt know, he was a good human. Well, most of the time.
We are silent for a moment, but when I hear his footsteps, I tense up.
"What are you doing?" He's now standing right next to me.
"Helping you. You seem a little, tense?" I glare at him for a moment and he raises his hands in defense.
"Just pointed out the obvious. But dont worry. You still look lovely." I stop in my movements at his words.
"Thats such shock for you?" His voice shows surprise and a certain curiosity.
"Only that you say it." I look into his eyes.
"Well, you may think I'm dumb, but I'm not blind."
He just called me beautiful, sort of. It´s confusing me.
When I finally find the documents, I hold my hand out to him.
"I don´t think you are dumb. I think you're annoying. And a show-off. I don´t like that." His eyes follow me.
"What do you like then?" His question surprises me. He slowly takes the documents out of my hand, his finger gently brushing mine.
"I don´t think that is any of your business." I try to clear my voice. His touch makes me shiver.
"Come on, tell me. Would that be so bad?" His whole presence is making me nervous and I feel my hands start to shake.
At work, I can always hide behind a mask, pretend that nothing he does affects me. I can act like I truly hate him, even though I catch myself looking at him, from time to time. Especially when he shows off his intelligence without realizing it, impresses his clients and -I would never admit it- me too. It's a certain charm about him, the way he always knows how to answer, while being mischievous and clever about it.
But now, that he's in my apartment and so close to me, it's suddenly different. And I don't know how to react to him being nice.
"I look for someone who isnt afraid of commitment. Someone who is honest and kind, but who also challenges me. I want to feel safe, so I can put my trust not only in myself."
He nods and is quiet for a moment, I begin to feel stupid for telling him all of that, when he responds.
"I get that. Someone whose shoulder you can lean on when things get too much. Someone who meets your needs, who wants to be in your life. For longer than a one-night stand." He smiles at me and I see for the first time, why I possibly could like him.
"Also, statistics show higher rates of being robbed or kidnapped, when you have one-night stands." This remark almost makes me laugh, even though it's frightening.
"Well, who would even notice, if I would disappear? Probably only my clients, because they need me." I lower my head, being completely honest with him for the first time.
"I would notice."
When I look at him, he takes a step towards me. His fingers gently slide over my shoulder and brush my hair aside, the touch makes a warm feeling bloom in my chest.
"I couldn't annoy you anymore. My life would be pretty boring without you. And it's not so bad to be able to look at such a pretty face every day, even if it always looks at me annoyed, like all the time." I quietly laugh at that, feeling surprisingly good because of his compliment.
We look at each other, now being really close. My eyes travel to his lips and I don´t even know how it happens, but suddenly he is all over me. His lips on mine, his hands on my waist, lifting me up to sit me on the desk. I moan softly when his hands tangle in my hair and he pushes himself closer to me, so that he's standing between my legs. One of his hands gently wraps around my neck and I feel my loud pulse.
My hands move too, stroking his back and holding him closer to me by his tie. As he pulls his lips away from me, he lifts my chin with his finger. Now, looking down at me with widen pupils. I hold his eye contact, forgetting all about my issues with him, when he speaks to me with a deep voice (which I suddenly don´t think sounds irritating anymore).
"Be angry at me tomorrow and mine for tonight. I bet, all your frustration from work and your thin nerves can catch a break, what do you say?"
Not much. Because I pull him towards me by his tie and kiss him again. I don't want to stop at all anymore. He returns the kiss with the same enthusiasm and his hands find their way to my waist again to lift me up again. When he crosses the living room with quick steps and lays me down on the sofa, I already feel out of breath and clearly turned on.
His kisses become more intense, his lips move from my mouth to my neck, leaving marks there. But it feels too good to make him stop.
"I will gladly hear your excuses, when someone asks you about your hickeys tomorrow. Because you will be all flustered, when you think again about this moment. Where you are ready to be fucked by your colleague, who you despise so much." I whimper as he pushes up my dress and his hands pull my tights down to my knees. The cold air hits my skin, but I don't really notice it, because his lips are on my neck again and his fingers connect first with my stomach and then further down. I hold my breath as his lips touch my ear and his fingers stroke my folds.
"So wet for me. Didnt think, I would turn you on this much." I kiss him to shut him up.
"You are-" I moan, when he finally puts a finger in me. "-so annoying." He laughs at me.
"Am I? But you seem to like it." I feel myself getting wetter, his fingers feel so good as they move gently but firmly inside me. One of his hands moves to push my dress further up and somehow, he manages to pull it over my head. Now, I'm lying in front of him in just a bra, his hands slowly find their way over my body and to my back, which I lift slightly so that he can open the clasp.
When I lie naked in front of him and he massages my breasts, his lips touch mine and his fingers stimulate me, I feel like I'm in heaven.
He breaks apart, so he can look at me and I draw my eyebrows together, when his fingers increase in speed. My mouth opens and the sounds that escape me echo in the apartment.
"I'm- god, I think I am going to come-" at that he starts to tease me, going slower but a lot deeper. My eyes almost roll back as he hits a certain spot inside me.
"That feels good? What do you say, when you want something?" You stupid idiot.
"You stupid-" I begin to say as his lips graze my nipple and his finger scissor and stretch me out further.
"One word, darling. Say it." And because I feel this knot inside me (and maybe this side of him turns me on, like a lot), I finally open my mouth to please him.
"Please, Mike. I-I need to-" My sentence is cut off as his fingers speed up and I moan loudly.
"Thats a good girl, you can be so good to me, if I make you." His lips search mine as I finally come. My breathing is heavy and when I come down from my high and look at his face, I see the satisfied expression.
"You are done-" I can't maintain my strict facial expression and suddenly have to start smiling. His eyes widen in surprise and I raise my eyebrows, still smiling softly.
"What?" I quietly laugh at his expression.
"Nothing, its just- I have never seen you smiling so happy." I roll my eyes gently. As I look at him closer now, I see the bulge in his pants and the loosened tie. As I lean forward, his eyes shift to my body.
"You still are fully clothed. A bit unfair, don't you think?" I watch him swallow and my hands move to his chest to slowly unbutton his shirt. As I also remove the tie and slip the shirt from his shoulders, I sit myself on his lap. Rocking my hips forward and seeing his eyes close. His hands move to my hips and begin to control the movements, my eyes close too and my head leans into the crook of his neck as the movements become faster.
Sighs and heavy breaths leave his lips and once again, one of his hands moves to grab my breasts, lightly grazing the nipples.
I look at him, noticing his swollen lips and his flushed cheeks. His hair is a mess and his forehead is furrowed, but he tries his best to pull himself together.
I groan as I look at him and suddenly think back to todays afternoon, when he was on a phone call and I heard how he listed one reciting fact after another, without any difficulty.
"What are you thinking about?" His voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
"N-nothing" I'm definitely too embarrassed to admit how much his intelligence and the way he seems to know everything, turns me on.
One of his hands moves to my entrance and teases me by just circling around it. When I try to push myself down, he pulls his fingers away.
"You tell me, whats going on in that pretty head of yours and you'll get me." My body feels so hot, I can't think properly anymore.
"You where on a phone call today and you just- you listed without any effort every single point that will help you win the case. You just said it like- it's nothing."
When his fingers dig into me again, I bite my lips. I try to control my moans and not pay attention to the fact, that I just gave him every opportunity to make him be more complacent than his usual self.
His fingers pump into me and I feel slightly overstimulated. But I wouldnt want to stop now.
"You get off by the thought of me, saying memorized facts? Who would have thought that my intelligence would turn you on so much." God, his ego probably doesn't fit in this apartment anymore.
"Don't think too highly of yourself, you still annoy me." Now I'm really just trying to get myself out of the situation. I lean towards him, so he can't say anything anymore and pull on his blonde hair to distract him.
Moans escape my lips and when I notice that his noises are also getting louder, I pull away from him. He looks at me confused.
"I want you inside me." Thats all I say, but he quickly complies with my request. I slide off his lap and wait for him to take off his pants and boxers until he's finally on top of me again. His fingers find my bottom lip and while maintaining eye contact, I open my mouth so he can insert a finger. My tongue brushes against his and after a few moments of him pressing on my tongue, he lets his fingers move back to the spot that needs him the most.
He stretches me for a few minutes until he finally guides his cock to my hole and slowly penetrates me. My eyes close and I hear his breath in my ear as he pushes further.
"You are so tight- good thing finally someone fucks you." I nod without thinking and hear his laughter in my ear.
"You think so too, huh. Would you let anyone fuck you then?" My stomach tenses, I feel the pleasure growing again and every movement of him. This feels so good-
I try to shake my head, but I'm too lost in the sensations to pay much attention to his words.
"No? But I thought, you hate me. Why would you let me fuck you, if you don´t even like me?" His thrusts become faster and more uncontrolled, I feel him getting closer to his own high.
"I-" I try to stutter "d-don´t hate you." I feel myself getting closer and reach into his hair, pulling at the roots and feeling his lips on my shoulder. His thrusts become more powerful and as he moves his hand and massages my clitoris, suddenly everything goes white in front of my eyes and I come.
I feel every inch inside of me, feel his fingers brush over the visible bulge in my stomach and think to myself: god I feel so full
When he comes too, I moan so loudly that it's impossible that my neighbors didn't hear me. His hand finds its way around my chin, he slides a finger into my mouth and I feel my vagina tighten because of it.
He hisses and his thrusts slow down until he finally pulls out of me, trying not to fall on top of me. As I give him some space next to me, he falls halfway on me, but pulls me on top of him in the next second and I can hear his strong heartbeat. With his outstretched hand he pulls the blanket over me, that had fallen to the floor.
We both try to catch our breath and as the minutes pass, only the wind outside is heard. He is the first to break the silence.
"So, you don't hate me?" I lift my head from his naked chest to look at him.
"Only sometimes." He shakes his head and smiles, gently stroking my back.
The evening went by quickly, we ordered a pizza and ate it (clothed) on the terrace. We were going over his documents for tomorrow, I blushed at the thought that this was the real reason he came here, but he just hugged me from behind after we finished and continued watching the stars.
It's not really clear what this evening means for us, but I don´t want to get into that, not yet. Because I'm not sure what it means anyway.
Because now, I have to get used to the fact that his voice no longer irritates me, that his jokes no longer annoy me and that he as a person, is actually not as bad as I imagined.
"Who thought, I was the one to get you relax."
But he is still a show-off.
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Hi hope you are doing good :3
Can you do a Oneshot or Headcanon with TFP Starscream and a fem reader that is part of the Deceptions and has a crush on starscream but is not sure if to confess because she is a human ? (Feel free to delete😅)
Confessing to TFP Starscream HCS (fem human reader)
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I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, ALL OF MY MOTIVATION JUST DISAPPEARED FOR NO REASON, BUT IM BACK!! I THINK... I'LL TRY MY BEST
btw i dont think i ended up mentioning gender in it? I just didnt know how to wrap that into this, i hope thats fine!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Having a crush on Starscream while being human is... quite complicated.
-Does that make it impossible to get with him? Absolutely not.
-While Starscream may deny his affection to you, he absolutely does have a sweet spot for you.
-It all started when you first joined the Decepticons. You were simply going for a walk in a nearby forest, wanting to do nothing but relax, when you suddenly met the red and flashy Decepticon medic, Knockout.
-He was heartbroken after his conjunx endura, Breakdown, had sadly passed away. He had driven to the forest to get away from the bots on the Nemesis, just needing to cry his spark out.
-Despite your initial fear you felt when you first saw him, you still decided to approach the sad medic.
-And that's basically how it happened. He took you with him to the Nemesis, and after some convincing, you were officially a Decepticon
-One of the first bots you met was actually Starscream.
-When Starscream first met you, he was disgusted. How the frag was Knockout capable of convincing Lord Megatron to let you stay!?
-Knockout had actually convinced Megatron by explaining that he would be able to work much faster when he had a small helper to get into a bots crevices. Lucky you!
-At first, Starscream was very distant. He didn't like you, or your fleshy parts. He found it useless to have you around on the Nemesis.
-Often times, he would scoff and scowl when he caught a glimpse of you.
-The first time he genuinely had a conversation with you, he was practically forced to.
-It was after he had endured another beating from Megatron after a failed mission.
-He was filled with dents and scratches, it was incredibly he was still online.
-As he was sent to the medbay with Knockout, Starscream had been threatening the medic about his small organic companion.
-In absolutely no way did he want those organic small parts near him, much less on him.
-His protests only ended up fruitless, as he realised he was now stuck talking with the small organic, as you weren't allowed near him.
-To his surprise, you weren't that bad. Quite the opposite actually.
-It didn't take long for him to get absolutely infatuated with you.
-He hated the effects you had on him. You made his spark beat faster, and his processor run wild.
-He would still act like he despised you, but it was fairly obvious he wasn't.
-He would go to the medbay more often, usually using the excuse that old scars and such was hurting again.
-Of course, that was a lie, but he would use any excuse he could use to be somewhat close to you.
-As for you, you would probably notice his lies too.
-As you somewhat got closer to him through his visits, you would develop your own crush.
-The second Knockout even got the smallest idea that you liked Starscream, he would tease you SO MUCH.
-Of course, through his teasing, Knockout would also help you.
-Knockout could spot the crush Starscream was having on you, but he wanted you to figure this out on your own. Even if it was a pain to watch.
-Several times he would set you and Starscream up, making up an excuse as to why he had to leave you and Starscream alone in the medbay.
-You had to catch Knockout alone to explain to him that you were too anxious to confess, considering how you were... Well, human.
-Knockout really had to hold back a loud groan as you explained. He had seen Starscreams flustered faceplate when he was around you, and he knew himself that Starscream definitely liked you back.
-Instead of groaning, he just had to sigh and encourage you to at least try and confess to Starscream.
-Shortly after his encouraging words, Starscream came in.
-He had taken yet another beating from Megatron, and he was limping towards the medbay.
-When he had finally reached the entrance to the medbay, he practically colapsed onto the floor from exhaustion. He just barely held himself up, it was incredible he had enough energy to limp to the medbay.
-Knockout was quick to grab the second in command, hoisting him onto the medical slab.
-Starscream let out an exhausted sigh as he closed his optics for a few seconds, when he opened them, he looked over towards you.
-You had seen Starscream enter the medbay all broken, and it had immediatly worried you. Sure, he often came in like that after his 'meetings' with Megatron, but that only made you feel worse.
-You cautiosly walked to the edge of the table you were standing on, looking to Starscream, who was looking right back at you.
-He reached out his servo, allowing you to step onto it before moving you onto his chassis.
-This was new.
-You hadn't been this close to him before.
-Carefully, you moved closer to his helm, snuggling into it. You took a deep breath, finally confessing your feelings to him.
-It was an anxious and scared feeling you felt as you confessed, but it was now or never.
-You simply just never knew if it would be your last time seeing him. War was unpredictible, one could never know when a moment would be your last moment.
-Starscream tensed as he felt you snuggle closer and heard you confess. He stopped breathing for a moment, almost not believing what he had heard.
-Gently, he placed his servo over your frame, holding you close. With a shaking voice, he confessed back.
-He had no idea how this should work, or even if it will... but no matter what, he will stay by your side.. ♡
AAGH THIS WAS WAS FUN! LOVE ME SOME CUDDLING BOTS.
Honorable mention! @urlocalboynoah
#transformers#transformers x reader#tfp#tfp starscream#tfp x reader#tfp starscream x reader#x reader#starscream#headcanons#starscream headcanons#tf#tf x reader#hcs#starscream x reader
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HUGE TPOT 12 SPOILERS!
BUCKLE UP CHAT. CAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG THEORY!!!!!
Where do i begin?
So heres the thing, I watched TPOT 12 then took a shower right after. While taking said shower i took a moment to think about everything that went down. And thought of the wildest theory ever..
• XFHOV
LETS START FROM THE BEGINNING,
One and Three, right?
These two fellas have FINALLY appeared after 15 years! Why is that?
Here is the scene when X found out their value: 7!
Four, Seven, and X are celebrating and generally very happy. Who isnt happy?
Three and one.
Theyre clearly angered by this whole situation, but why? Who are they angry at?
Theres three possible options:
1. Seven. But that wouldnt make sense, huh? Basically every algebralien has SOME sort of grudge held against him, so its nothing new. Scratch that!
2. Four. Its possible, four has done alot of things. But thats not who im personally going to focus on. Well, partially at least.
That leaves one more person!
3. X. But why them?
"Theyre just a little silly dude, they did nothing wrong!" And youre right. Thats exactly why theyre a target.
• THREE AND ONE'S CAPYIVITY
Youre probably wondering, why am i focusing on X, and not four? Four is more of a suspect, after all.
Think about it this way,
Three is trapped in a prison inside of Four's school, so four put him there! (They are the only one with control over that place anyway.)
One is trapped inside of the moon. There isnt really any solid proof to prove my theory with this one, but she came out during TPOT. She clearly had the ability to escape and didnt seem tired out and/or surprised that she finally left her prison. One actually seems happy and collected, even going as far as "greeting everyone" once she's out. She chose to come out at this time, just like how she chose to mess with Two's show.
One also confirmed that shes an "old friend of Two's." If One is suddenly against Two after all the years of them knowing each other, Two clearly did something to her.
• MUTUAL CONNECTIONS
And youre STILL probably wondering, "Chim! You still didnt explain what X has to do with all of this!"
Four and Two hate eachother, this hatred being caused by Two when they stole more than HALF of the bfb cast.
(They seem to not be familiar with eachother when they "first" meet. Im not exactly sure why here HELP.)
But anyway!
Who does Four have a good friendship with? X!
Who does Two have a good friendship with? Also X!
X is what keeps them sane around eachother, the only main reason why they stick around.
If anything bad were to happen to X, Four and Two clearly have the power and ability to get back at whatever or WHOever caused this harm.
One and Three did something to X, and it resulted in Two and Four snapping.
• THREE'S PERSONALITY
Three has basically ZERO information on himself, we know nothing about the guy. But what we do know, is that hes agressive.
In the Number Playground Chronicles, we get an article that explains an event that takes place, Three being apart of it. The article reads:
(To reduce confusion, ill be adding the names for you guys to differenciate whos who.)
"(Five)Integer did not pick up the ball when dropped, and Three Integer, the person playing with him, became impatient. (Five)Integer was angry at (Three)Integer because, Three Integer could simply pick up the ball and throw it to (Five)Integer, and (Three)Integer and (Five)Integer could keep playing.
"FOAMING THREE INTEGER"
The horrible, tragic incident happened at 10:13 AM. Three Integer became Upset.
Three Integer at 10:16, Angry.
Three Integer at 10:31, Furious.
Three Integer at 10:24, and "Foaming."
Three Integer at 10:39, when he started to produce smoke.
(Five)Integer picked up the ball at 6:17 PM."
This event did truly happen, we can see the beginning of it play out in the first few seconds of XFOHV:
Three was so angry and REFUSED to even touch the ball. Five had to go pick it up themself HOURS after the incident.
Three also WILLINGLY closed the cell door after it was opened. He couldve escaped, yet he didnt. I have two possible reasons for this:
1. He's afraid of Four catching him, so he followed orders and stayed put.
2. Three's gone insane after a decade and a half of being all alone, to the point that he WANTS to stay inside.
• ONE'S MOTIVES
One seems like a friendly character, shes smiling in basically the ENTIRETY of her screentime, (minus the part when she conversed with Fanny.)
But something about her smile isnt right, its almost disturbing. The way she grins in the oddest situations,
She is seen with a list during the post-credits scene, with four names on it that are all crossed out, meaning they are "completed."
□ Bell.
□ Bomby.
□ Fanny.
□ Ice Cube.
Notice how all four of these contestants were in some sort of distress during that moment, and One helped them out! In exchange for a "favor."
1. She helped Bell escape elimination by removing her string (something that annoyed Bell constantly due to contestants activley climbing it.) And hiding her.
2. She helped Bomby escape elimination by hiding him.
3. She gave Fanny a new mouth, discarding the need to spend hours at a time searching for it in the ocean.
4. She gave Ice Cube a new pair of legs, allowing her to walk again.
What exactly does One need these favors for? Revenge against Two, of course!
● ONE AND TWO'S FRIENDSHIP
Theres a popular theory stating that Two was kicked out of the equation playground, this would clear up the confusion as to why they basically NEVER appear in the subscriber specials.
Maybe this is because Two hates math! They said it to Gaty in one of the episodes.
I also believe that One was also kicked out. Why, you may ask?
Take a look at this scene in the beginning of TPOT 11:
One's picture was hidden underneath Seven's. As if nobody(COUGH COUGH. Espcially four) wanted her to be mentioned so they simply hid her.
Maybe this is how One and Two became friends, two rejects.
● RANDOM THINGS THAT GET THEIR OWN SECTION CAUSE IDK WHERE ELSE TO PUT THEM
1. How the HELL did One get a mouth and... legs?
2. Judging by One's little room, she probably really likes space and astronomy, maybe thats way the moon was where she was sent.
3. Kinda freaky to think that One was there in the moon the ENTIRE time. Throughout every single episode of the series from BFDI 1A to TPOT9, and we never knew.
Yeah tbh idk what else to say this was just a little info dump cause my mind was PACKED. anyways yeah tell me if i missed anything anf let me know about your little theories and opinions on mine! :3
#tpot 12#tpot#tpot two#two tpot#one tpot#three tpot#three bfb#one bfb#two bfb#the power of two#battle for dream island#fan theory#bfdi theory#algebraliens#xfohv#matpat ahh post#jacknjellify#x bfb#bfb x#bfb four#battle for bfdi#spoilers#tpot spoilers
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Ring and Nica bond level story summaries (up to level 4)
꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ these are crude story summaries that are meant to give you an idea of what’s happening in the story. it’s not a pretty translation 😅 i don’t have darius here because i haven’t raised his bond level yet, but i may post about his bond stories later unless someone else posts translations? but if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but please don’t repost these or claim these as your own!
nica 🍒
bond level 3: “eating a meal together”
nika is like “relax a little more and lets enjoy dinner. todays a social gathering for vogel”
then hes like “did yk robin? they say you can tell someones char from the way they eat. if they eat quickly, theyre hasty and dont like losing. and the opposite means theyre more laid back. ..well, which do you think i am?”
"im in the middle of watching": nikas like "oh is that so? then feel free to look on more. ah, i can keep my clothes on, right?"
"ur a superficial person": nikas like "yep, i get told that a lot. i happen to reaaally like women - including you, ofc?"
"u dont enjoy ur life that much": nikas like "......hmm? so ur the type to like guys who r pitiful and unhappy?"
nikas like when we finish eating lets tell each other our answers then.
"come to my room, robin. we can get to know each other more there.."
bond level 4: skills
nika is like "sorry to keep you waiting robin. oh? why do you look so surprised? ahh did you think a fox (harrison) was coming or smth"
"the card that got sent to u, that was written by me. thats right, its forged handwriting"
"its one of my skills. did you enjoy it, robin?"
"absolutely not": nikas like "and as ive been sayinggg, hearing u say that is like the highest praise to me"
"bye (im leaving)": nikas like ehh ur going back already? even tho this part is known for not having many carriages around.
glare at him silently: nika is like oh, i like that frustrated look on ur face. im into that (<- this sentence is prolly not completely accurate)
then he’s all like "aww, you’re so mean. dont u think im here just bc i miss u (w/o an ulterior motive) 🥺"
"pfft, hahaha! u get touched so easily like that.. ahh ur such a strange one 😆"
"lets go, robin, and take me around london. lets see.. a place where theres a lot of girls would be great :]"
ring 💍
bond level 3: “eating a meal together”
ring is eating and finishes his portion quickly.
kate offers her portion: ring is like "noo you should eat ur portion"
when kate says there r seconds: ring is like "omg ur a genius :D"
"i'll give u my portion": ring is like "eh- ah. is.. it really ok? ..thank u then. i'll eat it all (i.e. with care)"
and then he says he didnt intend to get close to kate bc shes a fairytale keeper and hes part of vogel, but kate had been so kind to him so he became kinda like confused xD
bond level 4: skills
ring is naming flowers. and kate apparently caught him in 4k so he is all flustered like "omg.. dont tell me u.. saw all of that?"
"i didnt see anything": ring is like but theres a grin on ur face.. ur kind of bad at lying.
"..im sorry": ring is like "when you apologize so sincerely like that, i feel bad for being surprised.."
"well, i wonder abt that?": ring is like "d-dont grin like that >,> you have a teasing side to u too, huh.."
but anw he says that "yes i do like flowers :> when im free i try to remember the names of flowers and their meanings"
"why..? well that's.. to make frie- i mean, its nothing."
he asks kate to forget what she saw here and then is like "bye ttyl"
when hes like some distance away from her he whispers to himself that he shouldnt get close to the fairytale keeper.
#ikemen villains#ikevil#イケメンヴィラン#ikevil vogel#ikevil nika#ikevil nika schwarz#nika schwarz#ikemen villains nika#ikevil ring#ikevil ring schwarz#ring schwarz#ikemen villains ring#cybird ikemen series#cybird ikemen#cybird otome#ikemen series#otome game#otome#ikevil translation#ikevil translations
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