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#i didnt even think about the second one thats my bad
fanofthelamb · 5 months
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yall it turns out i have TWO boundaries.
minors please do not interact
proshippers pls dont interact
REQUESTS OPEN BTW
OOH PINNED POST IDEA: im going to take over this with the list of everything i want to be workong on(This list is not exhaustive I know I'm missing a good amount of shit, I'll add it as I remember it but there's just so much.) :
Comic Redraws
Dashcon Lamb Drawings (I already have all the lambs I wanna draw I just need to draw em now)
Kissing Booth Wrap-up (I have how I want it to end finally. I BTG'd that shit. bAHAHAHA)
Dream Eater Aniamtion
Discovery Comic. (FOTL comic about nari finding out about the seal.)
Kallamar Lore comics: His Birth, Shamura's Memory of the Boat, How he acquired his crown.
Kalladad Art: The graves he made his 2 kids, him travelling to Gilded Peaks and befriending the Lamb's friend, Him talking with the Goddess of Greif.
Drawing the minibosses.
God of Peace Reference , Goddess of Greif Reference, God of the Sea Reference, Moon Deity Reference, She who Lurks in the Trenches (Sea Demon).
Finish the Design of Gilded Peak's Leader (Crowned Goat, but not The Goat. I only made them a goat bc they live on a mountain LMFAO.)
Alternative Narinder Design (Not being used, but a fun exploration for the people curious on how i would've went with him.)
Beyond the Grove Chapter 1.
Comic about Narinder and Aym's strained relations.
Comic where Aym discovers Notre and Brejul's relationship with Narinder.
Narinders Twitter Announcement animatic
Ratau (Always)
Leshycat + Leshylamb (Requested)
Wedding Comic (As soon as the trauma connected to that comic stops freezing me up when I work on it)
BTG concept art for later chapters. Outfit changes, monsters, and Gilded Peaks.
Comic where Narinder confronts Hermes.
Kallamar with Longer hair.
Comic about Narinder's Nightmares.
Comic about Heket acquiring her crown.
Lamb and Nari at the Smugglers Sanctuary.
Lamb's Button (NSFW, wont be posted here but just put on this list for myself to remember)
Unfinished Pieces in the WIP Stack. (Paintings, doodles, etc.)
Asks
Leshy + Heket Nightmares comic
Young Heket and the Fox
Dissenter comic
Crusading with the Goat
Beach episode with rue and Spiders babies
Nari info page
Ratau's past
start up doing studies again
strawberry chapstick narinder
valefar meets the goat
crown sex (rick request)
Conveyor Belt Lambs (Winter, Huntsers, rick)
Sticker Nari
Lambs eating breads
GOAT LORE (finally)
hips gif
lamb cant fuckin read comic
nari's gay ass moms comic
hot make out sesh with rue
vitas biting the FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!! out of humphrey
Cotl vore
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hecksupremechips · 6 months
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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totallyawesome123 · 28 days
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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
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dandyshucks · 5 months
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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animutate · 11 months
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man i dontthink i can be in a real relationship ever again im just starting to process how everyone has treated me HORRIBLY
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transphilza · 2 years
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tis missin techno hours it seems
#cw grief#vent in tags#man i started watching breakin bad for the first time recently w my gf and like great show#but boy was i not prepared for all the cancer stuff. we had to stop watching one night because of how hard it was for me to watch#its just so hard to think about him going through that. like obviously#thats why the dedication by the sfa still hurts to even think about#and thinking about it all it makes sense to me why he never told us how bad it really was#i was. already so so worried about him all the time especially those last few months#even though he never gave us any reason to believe it was getting worse or anythin like that#so i cant imagine how badly id have been worrying if id known the extent of it all back then#and im grateful in a way for it. cause it gave me the chance during that last year we had him to really just love and appreciate#i just watched and rewatched vods and videos and i was so happy and so grateful to have him around.. im still grateful. cause hes not gone#i think he wanted it to be like that? i think he didnt want anyone mourning him before he left#dunno im just missing him and thinking of him as i often do. its just one of those Its All Painfully Real Lol moments#i sometimes have legitimate fleeting thoughts where im like. so. im gonna wake up tomorrow and someones gonna have created a cure for death#and hes gonna be back right. or like. for half a second my brain goes Cool so when does he come back?#its real strange#i think about his friends and family alot i find myself wondering if it hurts so bad for me then how are they even getting by?#but grief is always grief and grieving people are grieving people so maybe we arent as different as i think#yknow#whenever theres a meetup or something like that theres always this awful ache. this ringing in my ears#and it says. like. christ this is hard to type out.#it says ‘techno never got to do this’… or ‘sbi never got to do this’…#and its not a sentiment of jealousy or anger or even envy…. just grief#it’s just pure pure grief it’s just loss and it makes the whole world feel hollow#but i suppose that’s just the world without him.? everything echoes louder than it should#it seriously makes me feel sick when i think about that. augh. last hope we all had for an sbi meetup at vidcon#and how phil said they asked but techno. said he wouldnt make it that long basically. i think about that too much#i wont ever remember that vidcon as anything but the last few days of bliss before we found out#gonna rewatch some of his videos and sleep now. hearing his voice always makes me smile ❤️ goodnight
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asaxophony · 1 year
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You know i wouldn't even care that much about the weapon crafting exploit IF I COULD ALSO DO IT. But it's significantly more difficult to do on console, and I'm not bricking my fucking xbox to be able to do it. It's great for Bungie to be like have fun crafting you funny guns! I'd LOVE to but for a portion of your players the exploit is mechanically more difficult to perform. I'd love to make the most fucked up bow possible BUT I cannot. Like idk theres exploits and then there's exploits that break the entire fucking game. Like it's only going to get worse the more weapons people craft. Sorry but I will be a no fun allowed bitch about this. You can't even compare to laser tag bc laser tag was equal playing ground, not everyone is going into pvp with this exploit. i think walking into PvE and soloing hard content with the most fucked up gun imaginable is actually the most valid perfect thing to do ever with this exploit, I just think it's evil to walk into pvp with the most fucked up gun ever and start curb stomping other players who don't have fucked up guns. Feel free to curb stomp every single ammit-shotgun frame user you see though.
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weaselishmcdiesel · 2 years
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RRAR
#guess whos unlucky ass got classes with the single person from this semester who i didnt like. again. for next semester#not a bad person. not a bad person no not at all. in fact they are very kind and friendly and inclusive.#i. do not like being included. in fact i like when people respect that i like being left alone. i love when people respect that#THIS ONE DOES NOT RESPECT THAT#remember that post i made? about how being a fujoshi is a bad thing? i made that post. because this person. used that term. at me.#i am. a gay PERON. yes i STILL LOOK VERY FEMALE YES I GET THAT NO I DONT HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY IM NOT A FUJOSHI OR EVEN A WOMAN#nearly every time this person interacts with me (none of them initiated by yours truly) something fucking uncomfortable happens.#and i know. i know in my heart of hearts. that theyre trying their best. but i get so tired of overly nice people i know thats my own issue#another thing i hate is fake compliments. i really hate them. i never give shallow compliments to peoples work like a LOOKS GOOD not even#i ALWAYS take the time to consume the work and think about it before i give MEANINGFUL compliments. always#many MANY TIMES this person has like passed by my computer or whatever and WITHIN SECONDS said ‟woah that looks really good!‟#wh. n. you#you looked at it for nary a minute. id rather you said nothing at all#again. i KNOW im being dramatic you should know that i know this. i know theyre being polite and im being a baby#but. another. fucking semester. with this person#i really fucking cant#i was looking forward to the next semester because there would be new people since i didnt vibe with my class from this semester#lo and FUCKING behold. the worst person from this semester is going to be my classmate AGAIN#fuck fuck fuck i am so whiny i know i know i know i am. but FUCK dude college is stressful enough.#(... it helps that their art... doesnt look good aksjdhf but you didnt hear me say that)#weasel speaks#asks!
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i wish betting on wrestling was like a thing because while i would never win if i bet on anything else (am bad at recognising patterns that actually mean anything) i would cash in soooooo much because i can ALWAYS tell when a jericho feud’s gonna run way too long again 😌
#hello hi . im stressed out this fair sunday evening#feel like im failing at school already its been like a month and yet#one of my teachers v much implied i'd fail her assignment if i didnt do a bunch of extra shit and like#theres reasons for it that i can see from her side but theres also just the issue that i told her about of like#i just dont know how to work with that many materials and slash or i cant go out and buy all these things right now#and then she's like well go down to xyz and ask them to do it for you and its like honey i dont know why you think we've got such a like#mutually beneficial relationship going on between all the applied and fine arts in this school like#thats a fiction that lives in your head ... especially after we just didn't exist in this school for a whole year#and anyway. i went ahead and tried some different materials and its just like. you cant make up what an insane failure thats been#and its not that i didnt try my best its just that like idk what she wants from me#cause anyway theres a reason i picked the materials that i did the first time round#changing those just kinda changes the meaning of the thing in general... which is something SHE teaches us#anyway. and tomorrow i have class w someone who i'm Difficult with (as in like i have a hard time around her im not purposefully difficult)#(its just that she makes me feel that way cause of the 'tism and cause of the fact she thinks she knows how to handle the 'tism)#(she doesnt)#and again i did a lot of work for her im just sure she's gonna expect me to have done more#but in my defense. i need to go to the doctor and see if they can prescribe me some form of ritalin bc my exhaustion was so bad last wk#and has been bad for a hot second lately#and theres really only so much i can do with the spoons at hand#anyway. and im also Sad Right Now because ive been ignored and interrupted while saying things a little too frequently recently#and im not laughing. im having a Time.#i didnt even have that bad of a week all things considered but goddd i need a break
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talkorsomething · 6 months
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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
#sh tw#(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#im cursed with being a bit too self aware so#i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things#(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER#BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM#back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat#[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything#so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend#so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice#i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together#(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING
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master-gatherer · 11 months
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.
#i could never be internet famous#like somehow i seem to get the really obnoxious asshole within the first or second replies#not to detract from people that get hundreds of those on top of a thousand pretty decent replies#but the number of times i didnt even get the pleasant experience before some dickhead came along and ruined it#idk man some people just cannot read a room#and think that this post with zero notes from this nobody is exactly who needs to get 'put in their place' or w/e#at least here its all strangers i can block#on facebook i had people who i knew in real life do that constantly#shoutout to that one college teacher i had who could not keep his damn mouth shut when not about him#like would you do this if we were in the same room? maybe thats why people find you unpleasant#(said teacher was cool in person and it was after i had finished the class with him but oh my god learn some internet ettiquette)#honestly the number of truly pleasant internet experiences ive had outweigh the shitty ones (love to my friends and mutuals 😘)#but this is that psyche thing where you focus on the bad way more than the good- a thing i am aware i need to work on#just idk man#it shouldnt weigh on me like it does but b/t not having written much in like a year (after i thought i was over my writers block)#the thought of finally finishing my thing and putting it out there only to be met by a handful of readers who do not get what im doing#and deciding to make it my problem#even if its outweighed by people who dig what im doing#makes me even less inclined to get back to it#i need to work through it i know#maybe i need to just tell myself i dont have to share it#it can wallow on my harddrive#worked the first time
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satansappendix · 1 year
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fhrrrerrhrhghrgegheehehewehthete5eg
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#im so fucking frustrated!;!!!_;$+-_647757⁵7#im mad and annoyed and angry and tired#and i cant even do anything about it its all fucking hopeless#like im tired cause i had to watch the stupid fucking kids from the moment they woke up to the moment they wnet to fucking sleep#LIKE IM NOT THEIR FUCKING PARENTS I DIDNT HAVE FUCKING KIDS I FONT WANT TO WATCH THEMM ALL FUCKING DAY#i watch them furing the day because i babysit and km fucking paid to do it but nope now i have to watch them all fucking fayt#and the only reason im not gonna today is cause i have to go to my second fficking job because my sister wont ficking pay me#and even if she did its basically no money#and i cant rven be frustrated im not allowed to yell and scream like i need to#because the alternatove of my screaming is beating the literal dhit out of myself THE OTHER OPTION IS LITERALLY SELF HARM#BUT NOPE SCREAMING AY NOTHING TO RELEIVE ANGER ISNT ALLOWD THATS WHAT FIVE YEAR OLDS DO AND THATS BAD OR WHATEVER#and i csnt fucking tell any of this to my mom cause it doesnt help me this only ever hurts me#oh im tired because i have eork well everyonr is fucking tired and mom works 18 hours so shut up#literally cant tell my mom cause i say im looking for a therapist and thats fucking hard and then shes just like it doesnt take six months#which FUXK OFF I HAVE BEEN DOING OTHER THINGS AS WELL AS FINDING A THERAPIST AND ITS NOT FUCKING EASY SO SHUT UP#MAYBE IM STRUGGLING TO FIND ONE AND I NEED HELP THINK OF THAT JNSTEAD OF JUST MAKING DIGS AT MY INABILITY TO DO THIS#MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET FUCKJNG HOSPTALIZED FOR SOMETHING REALLY AWFUL AND BAD AND IT WOULD ALL BE BETTER#MAYBE IT WOULD BE FUCKING BETTER IF I FUXKING DIED OKAY#BUT NOPE IM THE VILLIAN IN THE HOUSE#MY BROTHER HATES ME FOR BEING TRANS AND THINKING THAT HUMAN DESERVE RIGHTS WHEN HES THE ONE THAT STARTS THESE ARGUEMENTS IN THE FIRST PLACE#MY SISTER HATED ME FOR HATING MY DAD BECAUSE HE WAS AWFUL AND FOR 'NOT HELPING AROUND THE HOUSE'#WHEN I LITERALLY CLEANED THE ENTIRE FRIDGE AND FREEZER ON SUNDAY AND I DO THE DISHES AND SHIT WHEN MY BROTHER DOES NOTHING#HE DOESNT EVEN PHT HIS FUCKING CANS IN THE RECYCLING OR HIS PLATES IN THE FUCKING SINK HE DOES NOTHING BUT IM THE PROBLEM#AND NY MOM FUCKIN HATES ME FOR BEING ME SHE SAYS IM DIFFICULT TO LIVE WITH AND HATES THAT I AM DISABLED AND AUTISTIC AND FAT AND TRANS#BUT I CANT SAY ANY OF THIS AND THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO ANY OF IT#I JUST WANT TO BE DONE WITH LIFE BUT IM SO FUCKING SCARED OF DEATH IRONICALLY#SO INSTEAD I JUST WISH FOR AWFUL THINGS TO HAPPEN TO ME MAYBE I CAN BE DONE WITH IT#soap spoilers
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snekdood · 2 years
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I accept that ill probably be alone forever. I just wish it wasnt because people were so manipulated by someones fake narrative abt me.
#i wish it was bc i burned half the city down ir smthn#something to actually make me sit there and reflect on the actions i did#rather than trying to sit there and reflect on the actions my abuser said i did knowing damn well i didnt#but feeling like if i dont analyze it the ppl around me will think i dont care about anything#even. though. i. didnt. fucking. do. anyytthingnngggsnahehws i want to strangle you.#like i cant sit here and analyze actions i didnt do bc idk why someone would do that stuff bc i fucking didnt. i can sit here and try to#figure out why someone might do that shit but ultimately idfk because im not them.#im sorry im not this ultimate abuser you want to paint me as. im sorry its kot as simple as 'this person holds views i think are#problematic so that means theyre the abuser'#im sorry that you look at my blog. see someone you think is cringe. and decide my weird awkwardness is enough evidence.#idk wtf to tell you dude. your fave is the one who did it. idk what tf to tell you.#i also dk how you can see all their 'rape is fun' drawings and not even SUSPECT FOR A SECOND that it could be them lmao.#but whatever. ppl gonna listen to the most popular ppl bc thats how ppl are in abusive smear camapigns like this.#ppl will always side w the more popular person. thats just a fact like thats something i learned early about#emotionally abusive ppl like them.#i cant sit here and pretend for you to make it so easy. that im the bad guy and its just seewww obvious bc of whatever politics you think#i have. i cant sit here anymore letting you believe that. i cant sit here anymore letting you believe the world is black and white and#you can just sort people into boxes of good and evil.#im mot what you think i am and thats my final answer. if you cant deal with that reality then idk wtf to tell you.
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mrfoox · 2 years
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Everytime I realize how.... Chill... My mom is im... Im torn between thinking it's the best and not /:
#miranda talking shit#She lets me do anything and basically always have. Well as a child she didnt ofc but generally things i WANTED to do i was#Allowed to do unless something obvious came in tje way. I wanted to see a friend i was allowed. Wanted to go to a bday party#Allowed. She was so chill and yeah. Only as an adult i realized its not super common? Like she was and still is more a friend than parent#There has not been anything she ever said... No against or openly expressed doubt about. Not that i was wild or anything#I never have done much crazy things no parties with alchol or anything but even if i did... She'd probably be ok with it#Idk if its bc she trusts me or what? Bc i know she cares and by nature she is a worry wart. Thats why i have been able to tell her like#Anything. I havent but i genuinely think i could and she'd not freak out too bad about things. She let me go fly out to germany#First time i ever flew alone... And i had to change flight and i was 15. To see a girl she had only known about for a year from conversatin#She ... Never said anything against it. I barely remember i asked for her permission i just said mom i want to fly to germany#To celebrate xmas with my gf and she was like aight. And same with her coming to me. Oh an stranger from another country is#Coming to live with us for a few weeks? Who speaks no swe? Alright okay shes welcome! And same about flying to london to visit my online#Friends. That was potentially worse bc i wasnt staying with anyone i knew... So i was technically alone for quite some time when i was thee#And i had talked less about those people. At thay point i was 18 so technically she didnt have the right to stop me... But she just said ye#Ok ill help pay for it (: when my sister heard about it she flipped. And when i went on a second date with a guy#And spontaneously asked to stay over at his place... Mom had already left to get me and was just like lol ok ill turn around 😂#At one hand this has been good for me bc... I dont naturally seek out experience and dare to do thing so if i got big#Arguments and stuff thrown at me when i wanted to do something id probably just ... Id not do shit and i already almost do that lol#But shes also too agreeable. She never had that authority over me... And is more like a friend . Aka if i ask her to do something she will#Do it 9/10 times without arguing and that has definitely missed me some lessons of own responsibility etc. I guess one can argue#Bc im autistic its okay to have more reliance on my mom. But yeah... Ive been trying to do so less. I mean some things she still does help#Me with. But since i live alone its... I cant rely on her like i have in the past so been adjusting for me and i dont think ive done all#Well. But yeah. I hear majority of moms either being .. Overbearing or controlling and im here like... Uh.. Oh uh mine is haha#I still think shes the best but probably not the best to make me into an independent human but best emotionally etc#Just ... Weird how she have managed parenting. Bc she is so loving and worring and emotional. I know she is. But she havent let that ....#Go over her kids? She have let her kids do a lot of stuff... With my brothers its been a somewhat problem bc they have acted out#But for me... I mean im reclusive but when i think back im suprised how cool she have been with the things i came with#Considering i usually never wanted anything ... When i came with something it was pretty big stuff like... Traveling outside the country#For the first time ever... To an person and her family she never met or have seen? Yeah . Her trust must be big for me
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chimychoo · 2 months
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HUGE TPOT 12 SPOILERS!
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BUCKLE UP CHAT. CAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG THEORY!!!!!
Where do i begin?
So heres the thing, I watched TPOT 12 then took a shower right after. While taking said shower i took a moment to think about everything that went down. And thought of the wildest theory ever..
• XFHOV
LETS START FROM THE BEGINNING,
One and Three, right?
These two fellas have FINALLY appeared after 15 years! Why is that?
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Here is the scene when X found out their value: 7!
Four, Seven, and X are celebrating and generally very happy. Who isnt happy?
Three and one.
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Theyre clearly angered by this whole situation, but why? Who are they angry at?
Theres three possible options:
1. Seven. But that wouldnt make sense, huh? Basically every algebralien has SOME sort of grudge held against him, so its nothing new. Scratch that!
2. Four. Its possible, four has done alot of things. But thats not who im personally going to focus on. Well, partially at least.
That leaves one more person!
3. X. But why them?
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"Theyre just a little silly dude, they did nothing wrong!" And youre right. Thats exactly why theyre a target.
• THREE AND ONE'S CAPYIVITY
Youre probably wondering, why am i focusing on X, and not four? Four is more of a suspect, after all.
Think about it this way,
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Three is trapped in a prison inside of Four's school, so four put him there! (They are the only one with control over that place anyway.)
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One is trapped inside of the moon. There isnt really any solid proof to prove my theory with this one, but she came out during TPOT. She clearly had the ability to escape and didnt seem tired out and/or surprised that she finally left her prison. One actually seems happy and collected, even going as far as "greeting everyone" once she's out. She chose to come out at this time, just like how she chose to mess with Two's show.
One also confirmed that shes an "old friend of Two's." If One is suddenly against Two after all the years of them knowing each other, Two clearly did something to her.
• MUTUAL CONNECTIONS
And youre STILL probably wondering, "Chim! You still didnt explain what X has to do with all of this!"
Four and Two hate eachother, this hatred being caused by Two when they stole more than HALF of the bfb cast.
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(They seem to not be familiar with eachother when they "first" meet. Im not exactly sure why here HELP.)
But anyway!
Who does Four have a good friendship with? X!
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Who does Two have a good friendship with? Also X!
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X is what keeps them sane around eachother, the only main reason why they stick around.
If anything bad were to happen to X, Four and Two clearly have the power and ability to get back at whatever or WHOever caused this harm.
One and Three did something to X, and it resulted in Two and Four snapping.
• THREE'S PERSONALITY
Three has basically ZERO information on himself, we know nothing about the guy. But what we do know, is that hes agressive.
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In the Number Playground Chronicles, we get an article that explains an event that takes place, Three being apart of it. The article reads:
(To reduce confusion, ill be adding the names for you guys to differenciate whos who.)
"(Five)Integer did not pick up the ball when dropped, and Three Integer, the person playing with him, became impatient. (Five)Integer was angry at (Three)Integer because, Three Integer could simply pick up the ball and throw it to (Five)Integer, and (Three)Integer and (Five)Integer could keep playing.
"FOAMING THREE INTEGER"
The horrible, tragic incident happened at 10:13 AM. Three Integer became Upset.
Three Integer at 10:16, Angry.
Three Integer at 10:31, Furious.
Three Integer at 10:24, and "Foaming."
Three Integer at 10:39, when he started to produce smoke.
(Five)Integer picked up the ball at 6:17 PM."
This event did truly happen, we can see the beginning of it play out in the first few seconds of XFOHV:
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Three was so angry and REFUSED to even touch the ball. Five had to go pick it up themself HOURS after the incident.
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Three also WILLINGLY closed the cell door after it was opened. He couldve escaped, yet he didnt. I have two possible reasons for this:
1. He's afraid of Four catching him, so he followed orders and stayed put.
2. Three's gone insane after a decade and a half of being all alone, to the point that he WANTS to stay inside.
• ONE'S MOTIVES
One seems like a friendly character, shes smiling in basically the ENTIRETY of her screentime, (minus the part when she conversed with Fanny.)
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But something about her smile isnt right, its almost disturbing. The way she grins in the oddest situations,
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She is seen with a list during the post-credits scene, with four names on it that are all crossed out, meaning they are "completed."
□ Bell.
□ Bomby.
□ Fanny.
□ Ice Cube.
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Notice how all four of these contestants were in some sort of distress during that moment, and One helped them out! In exchange for a "favor."
1. She helped Bell escape elimination by removing her string (something that annoyed Bell constantly due to contestants activley climbing it.) And hiding her.
2. She helped Bomby escape elimination by hiding him.
3. She gave Fanny a new mouth, discarding the need to spend hours at a time searching for it in the ocean.
4. She gave Ice Cube a new pair of legs, allowing her to walk again.
What exactly does One need these favors for? Revenge against Two, of course!
● ONE AND TWO'S FRIENDSHIP
Theres a popular theory stating that Two was kicked out of the equation playground, this would clear up the confusion as to why they basically NEVER appear in the subscriber specials.
Maybe this is because Two hates math! They said it to Gaty in one of the episodes.
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I also believe that One was also kicked out. Why, you may ask?
Take a look at this scene in the beginning of TPOT 11:
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One's picture was hidden underneath Seven's. As if nobody(COUGH COUGH. Espcially four) wanted her to be mentioned so they simply hid her.
Maybe this is how One and Two became friends, two rejects.
● RANDOM THINGS THAT GET THEIR OWN SECTION CAUSE IDK WHERE ELSE TO PUT THEM
1. How the HELL did One get a mouth and... legs?
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2. Judging by One's little room, she probably really likes space and astronomy, maybe thats way the moon was where she was sent.
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3. Kinda freaky to think that One was there in the moon the ENTIRE time. Throughout every single episode of the series from BFDI 1A to TPOT9, and we never knew.
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Yeah tbh idk what else to say this was just a little info dump cause my mind was PACKED. anyways yeah tell me if i missed anything anf let me know about your little theories and opinions on mine! :3
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kurishiri · 1 month
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Ring and Nica bond level story summaries (up to level 4)
꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ these are crude story summaries that are meant to give you an idea of what’s happening in the story. it’s not a pretty translation 😅 i don’t have darius here because i haven’t raised his bond level yet, but i may post about his bond stories later unless someone else posts translations? but if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but please don’t repost these or claim these as your own!
nica 🍒
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bond level 3: “eating a meal together”
nika is like “relax a little more and lets enjoy dinner. todays a social gathering for vogel”
then hes like “did yk robin? they say you can tell someones char from the way they eat. if they eat quickly, theyre hasty and dont like losing. and the opposite means theyre more laid back. ..well, which do you think i am?”
"im in the middle of watching": nikas like "oh is that so? then feel free to look on more. ah, i can keep my clothes on, right?"
"ur a superficial person": nikas like "yep, i get told that a lot. i happen to reaaally like women - including you, ofc?"
"u dont enjoy ur life that much": nikas like "......hmm? so ur the type to like guys who r pitiful and unhappy?"
nikas like when we finish eating lets tell each other our answers then.
"come to my room, robin. we can get to know each other more there.."
bond level 4: skills
nika is like "sorry to keep you waiting robin. oh? why do you look so surprised? ahh did you think a fox (harrison) was coming or smth"
"the card that got sent to u, that was written by me. thats right, its forged handwriting"
"its one of my skills. did you enjoy it, robin?"
"absolutely not": nikas like "and as ive been sayinggg, hearing u say that is like the highest praise to me"
"bye (im leaving)": nikas like ehh ur going back already? even tho this part is known for not having many carriages around.
glare at him silently: nika is like oh, i like that frustrated look on ur face. im into that (<- this sentence is prolly not completely accurate)
then he’s all like "aww, you’re so mean. dont u think im here just bc i miss u (w/o an ulterior motive) 🥺"
"pfft, hahaha! u get touched so easily like that.. ahh ur such a strange one 😆"
"lets go, robin, and take me around london. lets see.. a place where theres a lot of girls would be great :]"
ring 💍
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bond level 3: “eating a meal together”
ring is eating and finishes his portion quickly.
kate offers her portion: ring is like "noo you should eat ur portion"
when kate says there r seconds: ring is like "omg ur a genius :D"
"i'll give u my portion": ring is like "eh- ah. is.. it really ok? ..thank u then. i'll eat it all (i.e. with care)"
and then he says he didnt intend to get close to kate bc shes a fairytale keeper and hes part of vogel, but kate had been so kind to him so he became kinda like confused xD
bond level 4: skills
ring is naming flowers. and kate apparently caught him in 4k so he is all flustered like "omg.. dont tell me u.. saw all of that?"
"i didnt see anything": ring is like but theres a grin on ur face.. ur kind of bad at lying.
"..im sorry": ring is like "when you apologize so sincerely like that, i feel bad for being surprised.."
"well, i wonder abt that?": ring is like "d-dont grin like that >,> you have a teasing side to u too, huh.."
but anw he says that "yes i do like flowers :> when im free i try to remember the names of flowers and their meanings"
"why..? well that's.. to make frie- i mean, its nothing."
he asks kate to forget what she saw here and then is like "bye ttyl"
when hes like some distance away from her he whispers to himself that he shouldnt get close to the fairytale keeper.
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