#i didnt actually count but it was a lot
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HELLO.... I JUST GOT AN ASK CALLING ME THE N WORD 200 SOMETHING TIMES.........
#i didnt actually count but it was a lot#what was the purpose#yes this is my response#i am genuinely baffled yet again by anons in my ask box#if u want to specify the reason why u are totally welcome to... otherwise i am writing this off as my laff for the day#ask#anon
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leverage is so fucking funny. man manages to find the most mentally ill and neurodivergent group of thieves on the market + an even more mentally ill guy whose literal job description was trying to chase all of them, and forces them into a found family speed-run by trying to blow them all up. they lowkey stage a full fucking country wide coup and are like eh 🤷 just another wednesday. this might be a fun place to vacation tho i guess. sophie shows up to her own funeral twice. they're so good at convincing people of their shit that they make a guy's body start reacting to an illness he doesn't have because it isn't real. go completely out on a limb and basically hand this one guy a new password for his computer so they can get into it and he goes with it. parker and hardison have straight up just "fake it 'till you make it"d into the fbi without even attempting to cover their tracks beyond just These Two Guys. half their clients never asked to be their clients and don't know they're their clients, and the other half are random people who find them who fuckin knows how, meanwhile no government agency can track them down without selling their soul to sterling. they make a point to have a dramatic scene w a Big Bad Shadowy Government Guy who doesn't actually get caught or brought to justice or anything telling them he's going to hunt them all down, and in any other show this would probably earn at least a minor arc later on but he literally never shows up again. an entire season finale hinged on a cake and a bunch of clams. they accidentally made eliot a celebrity not once, not twice, but three times. parker blew up her foster parents' house when she was like. nine. and it's hardly a footnote. hardison is just casually an artistic prodigy but it's only ever brought up for the most background of background gags. eliot's biggest beef with parker and hardison for like two and a half seasons is that they won't stop making weird food with lasers and refuse to realize they can't make a decent beer to save their lives. sophie's immediate response to being shot is to call her shooter a wanker. there's a character who has literally killed a man with a mop and they had the audacity to only put her in one episode.
#leverage my beloved <3#ramble#leverage#i also feel the need to point out that. while yes sophie did show up to her own funeral twice. she also technically was the driver to bring#her own ''corpse'' to wherever interpol was sending it lmfao#re: eliot being made a celeb 3 times bc some people are confused—country singer; baseball player; hockey player#didnt count the knockout job bc i think that was p local focused? could be wrong#re: character who killed a man w a mop = mikel dayan (hitter from the two live crew job)#this post is getting people interested in leverage lets goooooooo#this post has also officially surpassed the number of people i expected to ever know or care about leverage by several thousands#bc even though logically i know it aired as an actual tv show over several years and a lot of people probably saw it#that does not compute in my head#leverage spoilers
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It's kinda shocking to me how few people seem to know how prevalent the 'my great grandmother was cherokee' myth is and how it's almost never actually true, especially when it comes with things like 'never signed up' or 'fell off the trail' or 'courthouse burned down destorying the documentation' etc etc.
People just don't even seem to know the history like.. when the Trail happened. My great great great grandfather was 2 years old during Removal in 1838, so peoples 'my great grandmother hid in the mountains!' is so clearly wrong. And we have rolls. From before and after removal, rolls done by cherokee nation and others by the government, rolls that were not stored in one random flammable courthouse. It's not difficult to find the actual evidence of ancestry.
And just.. there are lots of ways those family stories get started. It was a practice during the confederacy to claim cherokee ancestry to show one's family had 'deep roots in the south' that they were there before the cherokee were removed. Many people pretended to be cherokee and applied for the Guion-Miller payout just to try to steal money meant for cherokees - 2/3rds of the applicants were denied for having 0 proof of actual cherokee ancestry. [We even see lawyers advertising signing up for the Miller roll just to try to get free money.] And the myth even started in some families in the cherokee land lotteries, where the land stolen from us was raffled off, including the house and everything that was left behind when the cherokees were removed. We have seen people whose families just take these things stolen from the cherokee family and adopt them into their own family story, saying that they were cherokee themselves.
If you had some family story about being cherokee and you wanna have proof one way or the other, check out this Facebook group run by expert cherokee genealogists that do research for free. Just please read the rules fully and respect the researchers. They run thousands of people's ancestries a year and their average is only around 0.7% of lines they run actually end up having true cherokee ancestry.
#and ive heard even dumber origins of the cherokee family myth#such as an ancestor having a silly sounding name so the descendents just go 'oh she mustve been an indian!!!'#i was one of the few people who had my ancestry done on the facebook and had genuine cherokee ancestry#[though i had found it before it was just really validating to get it double checked and i started finding cousins (:]#like. i was told once when i was a kid by my grandma that my dad had cherokee ancestry and i didnt believe her. its wild that so many peopl#will make it a Fixture of their identity [or even just smth they bring up ever] with Zero proof#at least for cherokees from what ive seen its usually considered really disrespectful to claim to have cherokee ancestry without#actually having the documentation [like ancestors on the rolls]#and no a dna test doesnt count. nor does 'my dad is Clearly not white!' or 'high cheekbones' or old family photos or anything#i had this discussion with someone recently whose dad had been calling himself 3/4 native but didnt know exactly what nation ???? hello?#and its like... sorry but ur dad is like. italian lol.#[and blood quantum is bullshit anyway im tired of the 'im 1/16 cherokee' comments its dumb#cherokee nation does not have a blood quantum requirement. its pointless bringing it up in the discussion of who is or isnt cherokee]#also mandatory disclaimer that im reconnecting. i didnt grow up connected to the culture of even knowing my ancestry#this is all from my looking into this stuff over the past year or so. i cant claim to be an authority over anything regarding this#this is p much all my repeating things ive heard said by people who know a lot more than i do haha#man. and this isnt even starting to get into the fake tribe stuff. the only legit cherokee groups are the 3 federally recognized bands#cherokee nation of oklahoma. united keetoowah band. and the eastern band of cherokee indians.#any others that are state recognized or not at all arent acknowledged as legitimate by any of the legit cherokee groups#anyway. my final message goodb.ye#cherokee#tsalagi
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finding out ur coworker is way older than you thought and having to very quickly reorient how you talk to them
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#synthv#synthesizer v#genbu#kasane teto#rikka is also here :) i think she likes to cause problems sometimes. because all the adults in her life are dweebs#and very easy to cause problems with <3#anyone else have this happen before. im older than a lot of my university peers and i always have been#because i took 5 years in highschool and my undergrad has been like 6 years and counting#(hashtag learning disability <3 ) and like thats chill to me i dont mind#but now i usually assume everyones way younger than me and i get shocked when theyre not. a buddy in some of my classes#when i first met her i absolutely and completely assumed she was like barely 19 and talked to her as such#like i dont talk down to people or anything but i do soften the way i talk a bit and give a bit extra patience with younger peers#cause yknow. i remember what it was like being 19. being 26 is WAY easier lol so i wanna give em a bit of leeway yknow#anyway a few months after meeting her i found out she was actually a year older than me and a grad student when she ended up as a TA in#another class i took. i felt so bad. we bonded tho and she didnt mind she thought it was kinda funny when i was like WAIT UR A GRAD STUDENT#i thought she was like a first or second year undergrad..............#also yeah im a 31yo teto fan. i dont mind the popular fanon that she has a separate age that makes her actually 15 and#i dont mind that more interpretations have her like that BUT for my internal canon she is a grown ass woman because i think its fun <3#she pays taxes. she goes to work parties. she can rent a car. i love it#let teto rent a car. let her rent a car.#yknow im exicted to be 31. i still got a few more years of being a 20 something which is fun. but being a 30 something sounds like it rules
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wxs song wishlist!1!1! dont take this too seriously
(i may elaborate on these in the future though. who knows. )
slowmotion - fullgroup. maybe js emunene though idk
ultimate senpai - tsukasa (+ could add emu and miku Im not fully sure about miku but. Please this song means everything to me We need even more pinop songs in game. because i said so)
dream eating monochrome baku - ruikasa. add on 3dmv (Or 2dmv thats fine) and MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!
jitterbug - ruikasa (this might be much less likely. i dont expect them to cover it)
popipo - full group. A 3dmv would be quite beautiful. I can already imagine the look on ruis face
chubyou gekihatsu boy - ruikasa (a 2dmv for this would be funny. i want to see tsukasa do one of the weird ass poses)
positive club vs negative club - nenekasa
ohedo julia night - emurui
this fucked up wonderful world exists for me - i can handle another full group if they cover this 🫡
iya iya iya - emurui ? i wouldnt mind full group or len & rin being in the cover too but i just Really want wxs to cover it.
nee nee nee - ruinene (still thinking abt this one. id be fine with vs only if it gets added but idk)
death shall not have taken thee - emukasa
isnt it “a” - nenekasa (im reaching and desperate)
role-playing game - FULL GROUP PLEASE!!!! IVE WANTED THIS AND ULTIMATE SENPAI IN GAME FOREVER Im desperate…….
apple dot com - emurui
baka tsuushin - ruinene
#oh my god theres a lot of pinop in here i look like a pinop glazer Because i am one sorry. Lyrical genius. Life changing songs. Made THE#comm of all time for wxs. And its so good i love everything about it and rereading the lyrics over and over again and going Yeah i get it O#I see. Wonderful.#also a lot of his songs do actually give wxs vibes i dont know how to explain this (i absolutely do) (im just lazy)#may be updated in the future.#counts as a#crosspost#however i added like one or two songs that i didnt show on my twt#wonderlands x showtime#prsk#pjsk#project sekai#wxs#tsukasa tenma#emu otori#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#kamishiro rui#kusanagi nene#otori emu#tenma tsukasa
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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i drew a streamer i started watching recently who was playing LN1~
their name is obakechan !
#my art#art q#cell shading#chibi#misc bg#little nightmares#fanart#in other news i am slowly recovering from the whole like#being possessive of my art and artstyle#after the whole bunsong youtube series of unfortunate events plus dailycelebi#so if you wanted to ask how i do any certain things i am very likely to share now..!#i still say dont heavy ref my art and post it#like u can do that to learn privately#but otherwise idk i am overcoming it#oh and dont heavy reference my commission work ofc thats for the paying customer#anyways this took me like 20 or 30 mins#actually i can check#yeah 21 mins#i should stream little nightmares again#also i recognise my possessiveness of my art was partly cuz like i was not at all used to being seen outside my friends anyways#and my art is a big part of my identity#so seeing someone copy it as best as they could was very unsettling at the time#but after a lot of introspection and breaking down why i felt that way i started to recover after realising that like#people doing that arent stripping me of my identity and wearing it right#they just liked my art#except the users who traced or heavy reffed my shit and didnt credit me nor ask and then sold it those guys dont count#but yeah im still figuring it all out internally#actually making those bases really helped !!
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image I.D. below the cut
image description start:
[a promotional picture of Sam and Dean Winchester, Sam on the left and Dean on the right, their images from circa 2010. They both stare challengingly into the camera with their arms crossed, though Dean also holds a large blade. The background is a two lane blacktop with an older style of power line and corn on either side. At the top and bottom are flames. Sam says "im restricting", Dean says "and im bingeing" and the flaming text gif at the bottom reads "the eating disorder brothers.]
image description end.
#theyre both so unwell#grew up in a financially unstable environment and coped opposite ways.#and i left it broad on purpose bc theres a lot of ways you can interpret their weird shit about food#bc i too am deeply unwell i counted every time sam eats on screen (not sits next to a plate of food–actually puts it in his mouth) and its#22 times. less than twice a season. i realize this could be in large part bc jared didnt want to have to act that but im choosing to Believe#not in him but my mentally ill agenda. bc you wanna look at me and say that hes totally normal aboht this when he has a guilt complex#autonomy issues a holdup with purity/cleanliness a boatload of self-loathing and an obsession with control.#and this feels familiar so just message or comment for credit or removal :)#i dont mean to plagiarize#also i didnt talk about it much but. dean definitely sees food as an assurance of safety and turns to it when under duress to the point of#excess. and also gets very specific and protective/territorial about his food.#so.#this is a silly meme but there are so many thoughts behind it#sam winchester#dean winchester#spn#ed mention
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i think that they should stop re releasing the classic sonic games over and over again and start making the modern games that were only ever playable on one or two older consoles more accessible
#actually they should stop re releasing the classic sonic games over and over UNLESS they are gonna include knuckles chaotix for once#i think thats the only classic game thats never been re released at all?#not counting random obscure arcade games anyway#to be clear i think it IS a good thing that theyre making sure the classic games are accessible on modern consoles#that means more people who want to play them will be able to play them#i just find it a bit annoying that they re release those games over and over and over again#to the point where theres 3 different ways to play sonic 2 on nintendo switch#while theres still quite a few modern sonic games that a lot of people cant play#unless they have a specific console thats not available anymore#im not giving sega Too much credit thouhg because didnt they also#take all the individual listings for the classic games off of steam once sonic origins came out#to force people to buy all of them at once for 40 dollars if they wanted to play any of them#instead of just letting people pick and choose the ones that they want for only a few dollars
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i think id like arcane like way more if it was a novelization
#ive been trying to gather my thoughts on this show for weeks i cant pinpoint how it misses the mark for me exactly#maybe its the large cast condensed into such a short amount of time?#but idk i felt like it implied heavily on insisting certain dynamics rather than actually developing them#like i kind of hate the time jump genuinely#i hate vi spending so much time in prison alone and angry and we dont get to like. see it#she just comes out as basically the same cocky cool girl with a soft interior#i kept joking about how she still had eyeliner on while locked away but thats not even really an issue its just like#shes following character beats. rather than BEING a character#the show needs her to bond with cait so they throw in a 'bandaging your wounds' scene and bam theyre in lesbians#it kind of shocked me how little time it felt like they had spent together. was it like two days#not even counting the time they were separated when they met ekko#and to be clear i feel like vis IMMEDIATE and intense attachement to a girl she literally just fucking met could be interesting#but the story doesnt sit with it#anyway uuuh idk i think there was just a lot of stories it needed to tell in a short amount of time#and i didnt become attached to any of them#they werent poorly told it just wasnt Enough i just always wanted More and dont have the energy to like#hyperanalyze a 2 second gif of vi breathing#simply put the show is not for me a book would basically deliver on the same story communicated with more intimacy
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#13
tw: kidnapping
(Inspired by this tweet!)
(Part 1) (Part 2)
Back when they were kids they’d made a promise – if neither of them were married by twenty-five, they’d marry each other. It was a stupid number to choose, looking back on it, but kids wouldn’t know any better, would they?
The villain’s twenty-fifth birthday is approaching, not that it matters. Seventeen years changes a lot, and the two of them have more than gone their separate ways. The hero was promptly taken in by the agency, but the villain hadn’t been so blind to the company’s innocent facade, instead turning to their own prowess to make their way in life. The promise the two had so idly made on the playground that day couldn’t be further from reality anymore.
Besides, the villain won’t need it anyway. They’d met the civilian under… less than perfect circumstances, but she’d been more than accepting of their somewhat criminal identity. It seems it was something she was looking for, if her eagerness to get involved with their schemes is anything to go by. They hope they can find a ring as bright as her as soon as they get round to robbing that bank next week.
They’ve mentioned her to the hero offhandedly, sure, but they always assumed that their little lair in the basement of the abandoned hospital was enough to keep her away from the agency’s poor imitation of ‘good’. They know they’re wrong immediately when their favourite henchman meets them at the door, their expression somehow getting more downtrodden as they catch the villain’s gaze.
“Uh,” they say when the villain starts to breeze past them, and they pause to look back at them. “S-something happened whilst you were gone, I’m so sorry, we–”
“Spit it out,” the villain says flatly, and the henchman flinches slightly at their tone.
“You girlfriend.” The words that struggled so hard to be heard just a moment ago spill out like the henchman can’t control them. “It’s [Hero]. I’m so sorry, we tried to stop him but–”
They continue into the lair, leaving the henchman in an anxious mess by the door. They have all the information they need. They’re going to deal with it.
-
The hero has lived in the same shitty little house since the day they went their separate ways. A window cracked to let the breeze in, the light blinds drifting against the draft, gives the villain the perfect entrance as they clamber through and into the hero’s space.
They’re in the kitchen. The hero is sitting across from the window, bent over a bowl of cereal in the gloom of the lowered lights. There’s no way he doesn’t notice the villain standing in front of him, but his eyes don’t raise from the newspaper in front of him.
He finally graces them with his attention when their dagger buries into the paper and half the table beneath it next to his hand. The action doesn’t even make him flinch, and he meets their gaze with lazy expectancy.
“Where is she?” The words come out as a rough hiss, and the hero’s brows raise slightly at the question.
“Where’s who?” he asks innocently, and the villain has to take a deep breath to rein in their rage at his insolence.
“You know who.” They tear the blade from the wood to jab it in his face, though he looks like he couldn’t care less. “My men told me exactly what you did.”
“Oh, yeah, that.” The hero gets to his feet with a groan, stretching slightly as he does. The villain’s impatience is wearing dangerously thin, but he doesn’t seem to care as he slowly ambles out of the kitchen and down the corridor outside.
He pauses outside a door, fishing a key from out of his pocket. “You’re not the only one with a basement,” is all he says before he swings the door open and descends into the darkness beyond. The villain follows him aimlessly, thankful when he flicks a light on at the bottom of the steps.
The doubt they had about why the hero is trying to lure them into his basement of all places dissipates when they lay their eyes on their civilian, tightly bound to an uncomfortable looking chair, dry tear tracks streaking her face. She heaves a deep breath when she sees them, but she doesn’t say anything. The villain doesn’t feel the same.
“Holy shit, [Civilian], thank god,” they say as they start towards her, but they pause in their tracks when the glint of metal behind her catches their attention. They were never one to find guns particularly graceful, but they’ve never wanted one more as the hero levels the barrel with her head.
“Break up with her,” he demands simply.
“What?” The single word is laced with confusion and worry.
The hero shrugs. “Break up with her.”
“Who the hell do you think I am?” The villain takes another step towards her, but the hero’s stare hardening into a warning stops them in their tracks. “I thought you were a hero. The agency can’t allow you to do this.”
“They don’t control my life outside of work. I do my job. That’s all they need to know.” He unlatches the safety with a metallic click, and she lets out a whimper at the sound. “You know what I want. Break up with her before I do it for you.”
“If this is your way of getting back at me for setting fire to that empty building the other day you’re really fucked in the head,” they snap coldly. Their hand brushes against the dagger tucked back inside their coat, but they know they can’t do much with it from here.
“Are you stupid? This isn’t about work,” he spits. “It’s not even about her. It’s about us.”
The villain didn’t think their confusion could get any deeper. “We haven’t been friends for a long time, [Hero].”
“I– I know. I don’t want to be friends.” His hand lowers, glancing at the gun in his grip for a moment. “We made a promise a long time ago. Do you remember?”
Of course they do. It was the peak of their friendship – they’d laughed and hooked pinky fingers, presenting each other with makeshift bouquets of daisies and dandelions before the bell rang for class. I want nothing more than to be as carefree as that again, they think distantly. “Yeah,” is what comes out instead.
“I want to make good on that promise,” the hero states bluntly, a newfound confidence in him as he levelly meets their gaze, the gun raised to the civilian again. “I haven’t seen anyone for a while now, especially for this. For you.”
“I have a girlfriend that you’re currently pointing a gun at,” the villain points out irritably.
“Not if you break up with her, you don’t.”
The villain drops their gaze to the girl in front of him. The skin on her wrists is raw from ropes tied too tight with inexperience, her usual perfectly done makeup running tracks down her face. Leaving her would mean marrying the hero.
They take a deep breath, meeting their girlfriend’s eye with a look they know she’ll recognise. “I’m sorry, [Civilian]. I have to break up with you.” Their voice is flat, and she dips her gaze with a short nod.
“Tell her you can’t see her again.”
The villain stares at the hero incredulously, only met with that same expectancy. “Are you serious?”
The hero bumps the barrel against the civilian for emphasis. “We’re going to get married, [Villain]. I don’t want you seeing your exes.”
They sigh deeply, trying to weave a way out of this as the hero adds more stitches. “I can’t see you again.”
The hero nods approvingly, finally dropping the gun back into his belt. “Good.”
-
A taxi rumbles up outside, and the villain carefully helps the civilian inside whilst the hero watches from the gate. He steps up behind them the moment the door shuts, putting a hand on their shoulder. They tense at the contact, fearing the worst.
“We should probably be comfortable living together if we’re going to get married,” he says lightly. His grip on them tightening threateningly as they stare longingly at the taxi. “I don’t think the glass on a taxi is bulletproof,” he adds when he feels their reluctance. He makes sure to shift his position so that the gun on his belt catches the light.
“Okay, fine, jesus.” They lean down to the taxi driver’s window to give him the civilian’s address.
“Aren’t you… coming home?” she asks uncertainly, and the villain averts their gaze to avoid having to see how worried she is.
“I’m sorry,” is all they can find to say, and they lean back from the car, letting it pull away from the curb and down the road. The civilian watches them from the back window, giving them an unsure wave before disappearing around the corner.
“I’m so excited,” the hero continues, uncaring to the villain’s turmoil as they stare at the empty street. “We should start planning, hm?”
The hero guides them back into his house, and the villain is already devising a plan against him. If they can play up to his expectations they can catch him offguard. If their blade gets them out of the hero’s house and back to the civilian, they’ll use it. They’re going to leave this god forsaken place if it means the hero has to die for it.
(Part 2)
#writing#creative writing#writing community#writers on tumblr#writblr#heroes and villains#hero x villain#i guess technically tho its v one sided#villain x civilian#arranged marriage#i guess?#why do actual work when i can get serotonin from hehe make word count go up#also uh. if you noticed i use italics a lot no you didnt#i just like ~empahsis~#definitely not my best but yknow what? practise makes perfect#pinky promise
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stole this from vixen ermm will anyone get a bingo
#u can send in the foto in ask 🫶#this was so hard to do bc im not actually umm i guess multi whatever#like yea i like a lot of stuff but bc im the kind of person who watches smth and only gets excited abt it when someone brings it up...! yeah#didnt even put bojack in here but i love that one too#not to mention inside job plus tuca and bertie#.txt#this counts
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can't stop thinkimg about modding games
#yapfest in tags...#.ctxt#modding games lowkey makes me feel productive...........#what happened to just enjoying and playing the actual game.#lol im going around in circles in my game library on what game to mod next#i restarted my sims 3 mods folder again after playing enderal a bit (i also added an enb and SMIM to it.... no more !)#(once i add in one mod i will eventually add more but i can limit myself ! i will enjoy enderal in its purest form ! enb doesnt count.....)#jokes aside im enjoying enderal a lot. legit cant believe it's a '''mod''' wtaf#anyways now im looking into minecraft mods again#i'm gonna add a bunch of mods - brick it - troubleshoot then play for like 2 hours then move onto the next game in rotation to mod.......#......... anyways i have so many unfinished games#i started hades 2 and disco elysium a few months ago#oh god also bg3.. i finished act 1#did a bit of act 1.5 (or the bit after) then never opened it again bc i couldn't be arsed to do a certain fight back then LMFAOOFOSO#idr how long ago this was but it was before they won goty and that major patch they dropped then too#fohhhh i remembered i finished the main quest for cyberpunk bc of phantom liberty n i just never got around to playing that and version 2.0#mainly bc i didnt want to update cyberpunk and my mods LMFAOOO#brain so silly sometimes bc i want to play the game but then i dont wanna play#also i think it's the exhaustion i (quickly) get from consuming the story LOL#maybe thats why i enjoy sandboxes and those brain-numbingly replayable shooter games....#damn i yap a lot in the tags#hiii#:3#trailing thoughts#idk if it's the term for it i cant remember anything#do i keep this in the drafts for myself or nah#goodnight gang...
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At the anger stage of realising I have childhood trauma
#for the longest time I didnt even register that what ive been through probably counts as trauma#especially because i was doing the comparison thing#like all my friends had fucking???? awful parents and I was here pimping mine out because they were supportive of my being queer#and they were supportive of a lot of things growing up#but also there was a lot of stuff that im now realising was Not okay#and that actually just because there were good things that doesnt negate the fucking emotional problems I had growing up#anyway im just angry that I now have to fix this shit if I wanna try and live a life#personal#raven rambles#like im sorry youre upset that i dont have a traditional job parents#and im sorry that I have struggled so much and that Ive been so listless about my life because of things I didnt understand#i understand them now and Guess What!!!! theyre most likely inherited FROM YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!#youre upset that im not the person I could have been WELL SO FUCKING AM I#AND NOW IM ANGRY THAT YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT#when i was BEGGING YOU FOR FUCKING HELP AT 14#WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME!???#WHY DIDNT YOU FUCKING BELIEVE ME WHEN I TOLD YOU I WASNT OKAY!?????#All these psychs and gps telling me I have excellent insight into my own fucking mind and my own emotions is so validating#but also so fucking anger inducing#because for so long I was trained TO NOT FUCKING TRUST MYSELF#but actually i have very good fucking insight apparently#so I love you parents#but also fuck you#fuck you fuck you fuck you#I think ive pinpointed why I have been feeling like smashing plates a lot recently#anyway ya boy has a mental health plan booked huzzah!
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i got rly into ygo and watched idk like 4 series and 2 movies as a kid and i knew it was anime but like i didn't think abt it that deeply nor did i rlly call myself an anime fan or w/e. like i watched it more than pkmn which just in general is a popular anime and franchise etc etc but like ig the first anime i sought out w the intent of watching an anime culturally is bebop tbh just cause a mutual here a long time ago was like. ur like spike spiegel to me. n i was like whos that. and well yeah it was a nice way of saying i come off as cool and maybe even lucky but rlly i'm just a suicidal bitch who can't move on from anything 😭 like ok
#also i used to think the 4kids joey va had a hot voice 😭 i was 6 pleeeeeease#i rmr my parents being like u cant warch naruto!!! he says BASTARD. but yugioh is abt killing ppl. also i watched a lot of horror??? so idk#well not Abt but there sure is a lot of it just sayin#404 not found#obv this doesnt count like. sailor moon and dbz which i was exposed to from friends fam etc but didnt actually watch and havent yet!!!!
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it here hfkshfks
So when I was tuning the violins today. Well it was the first time I'd done anything with them in a while. And tbh I should've loosened the strings before leaving them for so long, but I hadn't thought of it.
So I tuned up my main violin. It's always been easy to tune & keeps in tune near perfectly when it's played regularly. So it went by quickly, except... when I'm tuning, I like to check the harmonic notes when cross-checking strings, and for whatever reason, the G string's harmonic was like half a note flat. The string itself was in tune tho, which was weird. So I went to adjust the bridge a little bit, just in case that might help, and then the G string fucking SNAPPED!!!
RIP lmao
Good for me tho I've always kept spares in my case. I had 2 of each string, so I just went and put in the new one. First time stringing a violin in years and years, but it went perfectly fine!!
Back and better than ever!
Then I went to tune my electric violin, and it took me literally 10 minutes bc the pegs DID NOT want to turn. I had to literally grab a blanket to pad my fingers as I put my whole self into that shit. It hurt !!!!! But I got it eventually lol. My main violin is definitely the best one for playing out of the bunch.
#speculation nation#i played my electric violin more than i ever have today.#didnt actually play my main violin like i first intended. bc it was getting late and i felt. bad.#so i played the electric violin. it worked! but i find myself missing my darling#i should try to practice at least a few more times before next semester. to make sure im prepared for returning to orchestra#(which isnt THAT an exciting prospect. take THAT my reoccurring dreams born from orchestra longing)#i actually picked it back up surprisingly well. outside of the um. stiff wrist and finger pains.#my wrist will loosen back up in time. thats the main reason i want to practice some more b4 next semester.#that plus my finger endurance. i still have pretty great dexterity. like it just felt really natural.#but my fingers got tired quicker than they used to and the SKIN. my CALLOUSES. are NOT THERE.#gonna wait until my fingers r recovered before i try taking my violin out again tho#also my wrist is a lil sore. i was demanding a lot from it today too.#not as flexible as it is when im actively playing but i actually managed to overcome it fine.#did my shifting and whatever. vibrato. whatever. really the worst part of the wrist stiffness is the finger positioning.#instead of being straight down on the strings my fingers had a bit of a turn to them#so the sides of the tips are sore now. owie. but oh well i made it work.#certainly wasnt my best playing but i did the best i could considering the circumstances.#in retrospect picking violin back up after Years and practicing and (re)learning a whole song to audition that SAME DAY is kind of insane.#whyd i do this to myself. oh yeah cause im stupid. oh well at least im following my heart.#i hope i hear back from the orchestra professor before too long. now that ive done the rehearsal im like. oughhh. yknow?#we will hope that friday night was good enough to count as 'by the end of the week'. we will hope.
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