#i didn't see this with my own two eyes but i've lived 21 years with my dad and i HAVE seen him do shit like this

[flying-cat]

I can't imagine being anywhere near as insane as Trump supporters because my dad told me that he, earlier, drove past a guy putting a "Harris Walz 2024" sign outside his house and decided to yell out at him "TRUMP 2024 YOU COCKSUCKER" and flip him off. And he laughed when he told me because he thinks that yelling at a man (emphasized man because he thinks men should be "better" than women, and "better" would be voting for Trump in this case) who is voting for a "whore who slept her way to the top" (his exact words) is funny. And expected me to laugh with him. And got angry when I didn't and just stared at him in disbelief. Even though he already knows that I don't like Donald Trump. These people fully expect others to find their weird ass derogatory words and behavior FUNNY. Donald Trump is leading a cult of old people who he brainwashed into being delusional with him.

[gojos-version]

How scandalous!

Pairings- Y/N x Dad's best friend! Toji Fushiguro

Summary- Your dad’s best friend stays the night and you are too coincidentally! This is part 1. Part 2 can be found here!

Warnings- Size kink, tummy bulge, anal, vibrator used, reader gets fucked in a closet, unprotected sex, breeding and kissing.

Word count- 4k words!!

Proof read- ✅

A/N- HIII yes, I made this filthy why? this is a filthy troupe. anyway, I've finally finished this at 4am giggles. By the way reader is 21 and Tojis around 40. I really enjoyed writing this it got my creativity GOING and my jenis hard. writing this made me tickle my pickle so I hope you enjoy this, and it tickles your pickle too!! :33

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You knock on your dads door. You don't live with him anymore since you got a place of your own, but you still visit when you can. The door opens revealing your dad, his eyes lighten up at the sight of you. “Sweetheart! I haven't seen you in so long!” Your dad brings you in for a tight hug making you laugh, “I know it’s been too long, I've been so busy I'm sorry dad! Is it okay if I stay 2 nights? So we can catch up?”, “Ofcourse, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want!” Your dad lets go of you and moves aside so you can come in. “Oh and by the way, Toji’s coming to stay the night tonight” Your dad adds unexpectedly. What. what. Toji??!! Oh god. Your heart flutters at the thought. You can't lie to yourself growing up. Toji was around alot with your dad, since your mum wasn't around Toji helped your dad out alot with you. 

Ever since you were younger you always had a crush on him. You're 21 now but god you still don't have a boyfriend. Nothing seems appealing about any of them men you’ve been on a talking stage with. You tried to move on from your childish crush. But how could you when he was so goddamn sexy. “O-oh? He’s staying the night? That's surprising I didn't think I'd see him!” You play off cooly, ignoring your thumping heart. 

You put your bag down in your old childhood bedroom and take it all in. nothing changed, everythings still where it used to be. Even the clothes you left here last time you slept over were in the closet. “Y/N! I’m going to the store real quick! Please answer the door if it rings!” Your dad yells out, you let out an “Okay!” and you hear the door shut. You walk out into the living room and sit down watching TV mindlessly. All of a sudden you hear the doorbell ring and you jump onto your feet, looking in the peephole you see him. There he is. Standing with his hands in his pockets and a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. His big. Muscular. Shoulder. 

You open the door after calming yourself down. “Long time no see.” you greet him, the tip of your ears go red, thankfully he can't see them because your hair covers them. “Didn't see ya there, doll, ‘t's been a while.” the scar on his lip twitching as he smirks. He takes you in, it's been a good year or two since he's seen you, you're wearing a top and a skirt but god does the top hug your curves and the skirt sitting just right stopping at your mid thigh. His Adam apple bobs as he swallows, “Mhm, it has” You smile curtly. Stepping to the side so he can come in. “Dads gone up to the shops to get something, I'm not sure when he’ll be back.” You continue, fiddling with your fingers. 

“Mm, that's fine, doll” He says, putting his duffel bag on the couch before he continues, “You look pretty, doll since the last time i've seen ya, you've grown a lot.” You feel your cheeks heat up in response, your heart thumping against your chest. Why were you feeling this way? You’re over your childhood crush on him..well you thought so at least. “I-Thank you.. You’re not so bad for an old man.” You play it off in a teasing voice, he lets out a laugh, “Old huh?” He grins, “Yeah, you're pushing 40 old man, be careful you might break your back tying your shoes.” You retort, His eye twitches “Yeah? You seem oddly flustered by this ‘old man’ hm? You think i dont notice you clenching your thighs together, doll?” He steps closer to you with a smirk that makes your little cunt throb with need.

“I-How’d you notice-” You gasp out, “You’re clenching your thighs together like a little slut.” You feel yourself gulp as he moves closer to you, his larger hand cupping your chin, tilting your face up to look into his green orbs.

This is wrong. You shouldn't be so turned on by his simple touch. You shouldnt be wanting to fuck your dads best friend. You shouldnt be craving Toji’s cock deep inside of you right now. His thick thumb thumbs at your bottom lip and without thinking you take his thumb into your mouth and suck on it sensually. Swirling the tip of your tongue around the tip is his thumb, you then move your tongue to the underside of his thumb as you suck hard. Toji grunts out a moan as he takes his thumb out of your mouth. “You little fuckin’ slut.” Is what you hear before he's crashing his lips onto yours. Hard. his tongue dominating your mouth making your back arch towards his body, his hands coming down to cup and squeeze your ass. His tongue greedily swallows the moans coming out of your throat, his tongue exploring the crevices of your mouth making you oh so wet. You were certain you were leaking down your thighs. 

“Jump.” He mutters against your lips, kissing you again and you do as he says, your legs wrapping around his large bulky waist. The scar on his lip rubbing against your mouth made you feel oh so turned on. He carries you to a bedroom. You don't know which bedroom he took you to. But you couldn't care right now. He shoves you on the bed and no he doesnt pull your top off. The man rips it off and throws your bra behind him and when he starts sucking on your breasts you can't help but gasp and moan pathetically. “T-toji-! A-ah!”, “Quiet doll. Needa hear when your dad opens the door so we don't get caught.” he grunts out, his free hand fondling your tit that's not getting his mouth's attention. Your back arches towards him making your tit go somehow further in his mouth. “P-please-!” you don't even know what you're begging for. “Please huh? What are you begging for, sweetheart?” He nibbles on your nipple making your hands fly to his hair and tug harshly on his scalp.

“Need you so baaaadd” You whimper out, grinding your wet little cunt pathetically on his chiselled torso. “Yer so fukin’ desperate, doll. Relax your little cunt.” He grunts out moving to assault your other tit with his tongue. You let out a pathetic whimper, your panties are drenched, your thighs are covered in your own slick from rubbing them together for friction and now Toji’s abdomen is soaked from you pathetically rubbing your cunt on him. Both your nipples drenched with his saliva, he nips his way down to your skirt and panties. “Careful doll. Yer drenching your dads bed. Wouldn't want him to find out about this would we?” He pulls your skirt off leaving you in your drenched panties. 

What. what. We’re not in the spare room or my old bedroom??!! Your heart rate picks up in panic. “T-toji- you didn't go to the spare room or my old room?? Are you crazy?? We need to not do this here or he’ll find out-” He cuts you off with a sharp slap to your clothed cunt. His large thumb presses gently on your clothed clit moving down to your hole he puts more pressure humming in satisfaction as your cunt opens; when all he's done was suck on your now sore boobs.

“Quit yer whining, girl.” He snarls, pushing his thumb into your clothed hole making you whimper harshly. “T-toji- need you- stop teasing. Puhlease!” You look down at him and he smirks. “Don't be a brat and tell me what to do.” He grunts out finally pulling your soaked, dripping panties down and the nasty man shoves it in his pocket. “Hey- my panties-ah!” he cuts you off by licking a stripe on your cunt. “‘M keeping it for later, you dont mind right, doll?” He says before sucking on your clit, his thick fingers circling your hole before he pushes in 2 fingers knuckle deep. You cry out at the sudden intrusion. He starts suckling on your clit as he pumps his fingers in and out of your puckered hole with a loud squelch with every thrust of his fingers. Your fingers grip at his hair tugging him closer to you, and god you moan so loud when the scar on his lip makes contact with you. Your eyes crossed and head back you don't realise he's sinking another finger into you before he starts thrusting 3 fingers in and out of your cunt rhythmically.

“To-oojjiii-! Ah! O-oh my god-! A-ah!” You grip his scalp, your manicured nails massaging him. He moans into your sopping cunt adding to your pleasure. His thick fingers stretch your cunt and you clench around him taking his thick fingers in. The stimulation of his tongue on his clit and his fingers curling to your g spot with every hit made you unexpectedly squirt all over his chin. “I-im shoorryy-!!! Aah!!” You squeal out and he pulls away. He pulls his pants down exposing his thick throbbing cock. 

You gape at his length dripping with precum. It's so big and thick. He jerks his cock making it twitch, “Don’t be so shocked, doll, don't tell me you can't take it, hm?” He teases, he rubs his leaking tip along your folds making you gasp. Resting his heavy length along your hot cunt has you panting. Your lips part around his thick, heavy cock welcoming him to sink inside of you. But he stays there for a bit, both of you panting, “P-please..need to feel you..” You whimper out looking at him with doe eyes. 

“For that ‘m gonna breed you.” That's the last thing you hear before he pushes his thick, long cock inside of you making your hands fly to his shoulders and gripping him with all your might as he sinks inside of you. He sinks in balls deep, his balls slapping against your ass as he’s got his entire cock inside of you. It kisses your cervix oh so perfectly. It's like you were made for him. He pulls his hips back then drives his hip back to hit your cervix, each thrust feels so deep. “A-ah! To-jii- O-oh my god- ah!” you babble mindlessly as he thrusts inside of you, every thrust to the hilt. He drags his cock almost out, tip remaining in your puffy walls then slamming them back to hit your cervix. Again. Again. And again. 

His tall broady frame leans over yours, taking your right leg and pushing it to your chest, his thigh goes over your other leg as a lewd plap! Plap! Plap! Is all you can hear besides your loud squelches your cunt makes. Your body’s tingling all over like electricity zapping all through your veins continuously, his thrusts are the only thing you can feel the pleasure making you cry out with every drag of his hips. His hand snakes down to your tummy where his big cock makes a bulge with every move of his hips. He presses down harshly making you scream out, dumb tears dripping down your face. His other hand lets go of your thigh and rubs harsh infinity circles on your clit making your legs shake at how much stimulation he's giving you.

“Yeah. that's it, girl, take it. Take it you fucking slut.” He grunts out his hips continuously slamming into yours faster and faster and faster. “T-tojii!! I’m coominnggg-a-ah!!” You scream out suddenly squirting all over him. His thighs and abdomen drenched in your wetness. With a grunt he fills you up with so much cum. It practically leaks out even with his cock filling you. All of a sudden as you're both panting you hear the door open, “Y/n! I’m home! Toji, i see your bag!” Your dad yells out announcing his presence and you both freeze. Your blood runs cold. No way. His footsteps around the house, “Hello? Where are you both?”, “Toji..” You whisper to him nervously. “Shit.” He mutters under his breath, Toji picks you up and kicks both of your clothes under the bed and goes in the closet. “Shut the door f’me doll.” He whispers into your ear, his breath fanning over your ear making you clench around his cock. Thankfully your dad had a dark blanket on so it wasn't noticeable and the window open. It worked in your favours surprisingly. 

He leaned his back next to the doors on the wall, your dads clothes right next to you both as your legs were wrapped around his waist, cock still inside of you and your arms wrapped around his neck. Toji starts thrusting harshly suddenly inside of you and you rush to cover your mouth to stop the moans pouring out of your mouth. Tojis hands grip your ass, spreading your cheeks and moving your hips slamming them down onto his cock and he thrusts his cock up into you making you clench your hand harder around your mouth to silence your moans. Toji bites your shoulder to keep himself quiet as well, your eyes flit next to you, the closet doors; they had shutters on them so you could see the bed..and if your dad walked in..but he couldn't see the both of you which was good! Right? It was really hard to stay quiet when Toji’s thick mushroom tip was kissing your womb making your legs shake around him.

Your tits flat against his hard pecs, bouncing up and down when his hips met yours harshly adding to both of your stimulations. “Y/n? Toji? Where are you both??” Your dad then opens the door, walking in and looking around his room, you tap Toji’s shoulder to warn him and if anything his thrusts get harsher. Making you fight so hard to stay quiet. Your dad for a minute looks at the closet, coming closer to it then stopping himself, “Maybe they went for a walk..” He mumbles, walking out and shutting the door sitting on the couch. You could tell by which direction his footsteps were walking and the sound of the TV turning on.

The hand that isn't gripping your mouth grips the back of Toji’s neck as he doesnt stop thrusting into you, your body heats up, the knot in your stomach tightening signalling your release is coming. Your walls clench around his cock basically choking his poor dick. Your hand lets go of your mouth, “T-to-ji! Ah-ah! I’m g-gonna- ah! Ah! Ah!” You rush to cover your mouth again, your slick and his cum from earlier dripping down yours and his legs. Suddenly the elastic band that's your release snaps and you cum hard. Your eyes roll back and shut, you feel like you're above heaven. White pleasure filling your veins as you shake all over.

“S-shit!” He moans out, filling you up with his come, your tummy bulging a bit from how much he filled you up. You're not even finished coming down from your high before his foot kicks the closet door open and he pulls out, putting you on the ground with your ass in the air and chest on the floor. “T-toji- what are you- annghh!” You couldn't even finish talking before he spanks your ass, spreading your cheeks apart. This big thumb goes over your ass hole. “What do ya think, doll? Reckon I can make it fit, hm?” his thumb circles your little hole and you gasp. “W-wait- oh!” He spits on your hole and runs his pointer finger through your soaked folds and sinks his finger into your ass.

You slap your palm on your mouth again as he fingers your ass open, it feels so weird but it felt so good at the same time. You're moaning against your hand, forgetting to put your pressure against your mouth as he fits a 2nd hand in, your ass wet from how much he's spitting on it to lubricate it. “Mm lets see if we can fit another finger, kay doll?”, “H-hurtttss Toj’” you whimper out, you push your cheek further into the ground when he slowly does, bucking your hips towards him. He jerks his cock with his free hand and takes his fingers out. “Ready, doll?”, “Y-yeah..” You brace yourself; ready to feel his member push into you. God you didn't expect it to feel this good. His big fat tip pushes slowly into your ass, spitting occasionally on your hole so it goes in easier. Your hand gripping your face so tightly to avoid screaming out. 

Slowly his entire cock is inside of you to the hilt, his balls against your puffy clit. He starts thrusting sloppily into your ass making your eyes cross. Toji reaches over you grabbing a vibrator? “Hid this here last week when i was over. Knew id fuck the shit out of you when id eventually see ya.” He grunts out as he turns it on to max speed and shoves it into your needy cunt making you drool dumbly on the floor. You try to crawl away from his merciless thrusts but when you try to he drags you back and thrusts so fucking hard you feel the air in your lungs leave.

The vibrator isn't helping you either as it buzzes inside of you, it has a compartment that vibrates your clit too which really doesn't help right now because you feel like squirting everywhere if you even could anymore. “That's it. Take it. Take all of it.” He grunts out his chest against your back, pinning you to the ground not like you could move anyway. Your body feels like it's zapping and on fire, the pleasure too intense. Your free hand that's not covering your mouth scratches at the carpet, your eyes shutting as the knot in your tummy is tightening for the third time and it's not even night. You're panting under your hand, your walls clenching around his cock and the vibrator. 

Suddenly you feel like you're higher than the sky. You're shaking. You can feel Toji’s cum filling up your ass with so much cum again. Your orgasm comes crashing down like a freight train as you squirt all over him again. Making your juices drip off the both of you. “Get dressed. We gotta act like nothing happened, kay doll?” His deep voice rings through your ears and you pout; “You ripped my clothes you brute!” Whisper shouting it and he gives you an innocent look, “Oops, not my fault you wore such a slutty outfit.” He retorts, pulling out of you but keeping the vibrator on low. “W-wait aren't you pulling it out-” “No. keep it in.” He cuts you off and slips his clothes on, leaving the room. What you didn't know was he could control the vibrator with his phone. Oh youre so fucked. But you didn't know that yet.

You slip your skirt on and bra and well.. Your tops.. Ripped. You open the door and tip toe to your childhood bedroom past your dad and now Toji on the couch, you go and look in your bag for some panties. Thank god you always bring extra panties. You slip them on and put on a top, fixing your dishevelled hair and you freeze suddenly. Did the vibrator just go faster? Oh god. You throb putting your hand over your mouth. What the fuck do you do?? You can't slip up around your dad.. 

You clear your throat and walk to the lounge room and greet your dad and Toji. “Oh dad you're home? Hi Toji” You smile, trying to hide the shaking in your voice. Your dad smiles, “Where were you?” “Oh-! I was out front and some lady needed my help with something.” You play off cooly and your dad nods his head, “Ah! That’s good, you’ve always been helping people. Isn't that right, Toji?” “Yeah, she's a good kid.” Toji nods and opens his phone. Oh he better not. You felt the vibrator go on level 3 and your ears heat up. Shit. you chew on your cheek and smile. “Do you want-uh- tea or anything?”, “Sure, sweetheart, Toji do you want anything?” Your dad turns to him and Toji throws you a little smirk making your cheeks flush. “Yeah why not”, “okay” You nod and go to the kitchen, turning the kettle on.

You gasp and cover your mouth as the intensity goes up 1? No 2? F-fuck no. 3. Levels. Your thighs clench together and you're pretty sure Toji’s cum’s still dripping onto your panties. Fuck. you're on level 6 and you feel like exploding. Your hands grip the edge of the counter trying to keep it together, your knuckles turning white. Shit. it turned up again?? This has to be level 7..yet..fuck. No you can't cum. Not now. The tea kettle dings that it's ready and you clench as hard as you can to keep yourself together. You struggle to get both cups and pour the hot water into the mugs. You get tea bags and put them in stirring it, you gasp loudly and cover your mouth. Fuck. level 8 by now. Shit. shit. Shit. its stimulating your clit and your cunt. Fuck. fuck. Fuck.

Maybe you could just cum then give them the tea? Shit no he wouldn't turn it off and you'd be overstimulated. And that makes you come quicker. Fuck what do you do?? Your heart thumps and your body feels hot all over. Shit. y/n. Give them the tea and say you gotta go to the bathroom. Yeah. you can do this. You grab both the mugs shakily and walk to them. Fuck Toji looks so good you wanna jump on him so bad and bounce on his dick. Shit you can't. “Here you g-go its d-done.” You try not to let the shaking get to your voice, “Thank you sweetheart” Your dad chimes, “Thank you, doll” Tojis deep voice rings out.

As you walk away, the level increases again making you jump slightly. Fucking hell you were going to kill Toji. “Where are you going? Spend time with us, ‘ts been a while since i've seen ya kid” Toji says, taking a sip of tea and smirking over at you. “I-i need to go to the bathroom. Then I will.” You then rush out to the bathroom leaning against the back of the door as the level finally hits 10. Shit. your hand covers your mouth and your free hand gropes your tit as you cum. Hard. all in your poor panties. Fuck. fuck the vibrator isnt slowling down either. You slink down and sit on the floor, your legs shaking as you wither in overstimulation. 

The door suddenly pushes open, you slide away from the impact; enough so Toji can step in. his menacing smirks all you can see and fucking hell it makes that knot tighten again in your core. “T-toji..” You let out breathily, “Hmm? Yer so worked up, doll” He picks you up and bends you over the sink, a mirror in front of both of you. He pulls your skirt up and moves your panties to the side. He pulls the vibrator out of you and shuts it off, he then slips his cock out of his sweats and sinks deep into your sloppy cunt. Your hand clamps over your mouth as his hand grips your hair and forces you to watch his hips slam into yours. 

The hand that's not gripping your hair moves to your throat and applies enough pleasure to make the corner of your vision slightly blur. Fuck. you weren't going to make it out alive. The worst part is Toji didn't even lock the door. You were both fucked if your dad gets suspicious and walks in. but right now you couldn't care less when Toji’s tip was bullying your cervix. He pushes your head closer to the mirror and one knee goes on the sink deepening his thrusts making your muffled moans go louder. Your body was tingling so good. All of a sudden the door opens and your dad stands there, mouth agape in shock and Toji stills inside of you.

“We need to fucking talk.”

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Masterlist<3

[acewritesfics]

Pretty Blue Eyes | Jay Halstead

⚠️ THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY MAIN BLOG @/DLMLUFICS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY. MORE INFO IN MY PINNED POST.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Request: From anon

Fic Type: imagine

Warnings: Fluff. Arguing. Formally titled those pretty blue eyes.

Word Count: 1,148

JAY HALSTEAD MASTERLIST || TAG LIST SIGN-UP

A loud knock at her apartment door interrupts Y/N from the movie she's just begun watching. Sighing, she sets the freshly popped popcorn on the coffee table and walks towards the door, wrapping her cardigan tightly around herself. When she opens the door, she is surprised to see Jay standing there, an angry expression on his face. He storms into her flat before she can say anything. 

She shuts the door as she turns around to follow him inside her small living area, confused and worried for her partner. 

He was in a good mood when she left the district earlier this evening, laughing and joking with her. She can't think of anything that would have made him angry in the time between then and now. He told her that he was going home to do nothing for the rest of the night. 

"Is everything okay?" She speaks up softly, unsure of where his head's at right now. 

"No, it isn't," his voice is filled with resentment and anger as he glares at her. She never imagined she'd be the one to face his unsettling glare he one gives suspects when he isn't taking any of their crap. 

When he reveals what he's angry about, she is overcome with guilt. "Voight just informed me that you've asked to be transferred to the homicide unit at district 27." 

'Shit,' is the first thing that comes to her mind. She wasn't sure how she was going to tell him that she had requested the transfer, but she didn't expect him to find out through Hank, who was refusing to sign the paperwork. S Shaking her head and lifting her palm to her face, she massages her temples, feeling her own anger at her boss. She should have anticipated him to going to Jay to persuade her to stay with intelligence. 

"Were you planning on telling me before you left?" His irritation was still evident in his voice.  

"Of course, I was," she tells him, her voice raising slightly. "Hank is refusing to sign the papers, so I don't know what's going to happen." 

"He doesn't want you to leave, and I don't want you to leave either," he confesses, his voice also rising. 

"Well, I have to," she frowns, her arms folded across her chest as if attempting to create a barrier between them, knowing he won't stop there. 

"Did I do something to make you no longer want to work with me?" 

"Of course not," she says, shaking her head. "You're the best partner I've ever had, and I trust you more than anyone. You've always had my back; you're honest, entertaining, and loyal. Even when you're being a pain in the ass with your Halstead sass." 

"So, what's the problem?" He shouts in frustration, his eyes still filled with anger and confusion. 

"The problem is…" she stops to take a long breath in and out, trying not to become overly emotional. "No one else can make me feel the way you do, and I hate that." 

Jay's stare changes to a shocked expression in an instant, his blue eyes wide and his mouth slightly ajar as his body is frozen in place. When he does not respond, she continues talking. 

"I hate it because I had one rule: never fall in love with someone I work with, especially my partner," she reveals. 

Everyone was aware of her 'no dating in the workplace' rule and where it stemmed from. Fresh out of the academy she'd been paired up with a cop who had left the academy two years before her. She'd fallen hard and fast for the guy only to find out he was engaged to a civilian. She broke it off as soon as she found out, but it was messy, and she ended up transferring to district 21. It took her three years to move up to intelligence where she was partnered up with Jay.  

The day that she met him, she knew she was screwed. After a week of working with Jay, she asked Hank, who she'd known since she was a kid since he worked with her father, if she could be partnered with someone else. Hank refused, having seen how well the two work together.  

Y/N tried her hardest to put distance between her and Jay but as they got to know each other on a personal level as well as a professional level, she knew she couldn't stop it from happening and all she could do was try and deny it. It seemed to be working out for her until Jay got shot multiple times in a shootout with a drug cartel two months ago. He almost lost his life, and it terrified her. Knowing she couldn't be with him, because she thinks he doesn't feel the same and even if he did there was Hank's dislike for in-house romances, she thought her only option to move past these feelings would be to transfer out and put actual distance between them. 

"You came along and drew me in with those pretty blue eyes and that smug little smirk," she laments, her arms at her sides. "And then I got to know you and worked with you, and you were so frustrating but also so kind, protective, and caring. "I was in love with you before I realized it, no matter how hard I tried not to be." 

Jay wraps one arm around her waist and the other on her face. His soft pink lips crash into hers in a passionate kiss as he pulls her body up against him. As she leans into the kiss, Y/N's eyelids close and her arms go over his shoulders as she gives into the feelings, she's tried so hard to deny. 

When the kiss is over, they are both out of breath. He kisses her on the forehead, leaving his lips to linger there for a moment.  "Don't go through with the transfer." 

"I have to," she sighs, smoothing his coat and concentrating on that so she doesn't immerse herself in those blue eyes she adores. "You know Hank dislikes workplace romances." 

"As I said before, Hank doesn't want you to go," he reminds her. 

"When he finds out about this, he could change his mind." 

"I doubt it," he says, taking a step back to look at her. 

"What are we going to do?" She wonders aloud, a little unsure. 

"Talk to Voight, keep it professional at work, and take it one day at a time," he says, as if he's given it much consideration. "But right now, I'm going to tell you that I love you and kiss you again," he adds, dipping his head to the side as he leans in. 

"I love you, too," she murmurs as their lips meet again in a kiss, this time softer and more tender than the first. 

TAGGED: TAGGED: @mrspeacem1nusone - @halsteadbrasil - @allisonargent144 - @rainydayteacups - @alexxavicry

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[asmutwriter]

The Gangsta's Wife (Part 4)

DESCRIPTION: You have been invited to your friends party with your husband, Thomas Shelby

WORD COUNT: 3048

From Beginning / Previous / Next / Master List  

WARNINGS: brief mentions of cheating, swearing, mentions of gangs, talk of arranged marriage, drinking, smoking, calls reader 'love', smut, dom Thomas, sub reader, fingering, orgasm denial, dirty talk, degrading

DISCLAIMERS

This is fiction. Please always talk to your partner before doing anything and make sure they are ok with what you are doing beforehand

It will not follow the timeline of the show. But I hope you enjoy.

You sit in the living room of your friends house. Your husband sat next to you as the other guests talk around you. You recognise some of the other people. Knowing them from previous parties and interactions. Talking mainly to them but still joining in with some of the conversation from everyone. Laughing at the jokes they make or adding your own knowledge to subjects. You notice Tommy stays silent beside you. Occasionally smiling at a joke, even letting out soft chuckles. But you pay it no mind.

Once all the guests have arrived is when the party truly gets started. Music, food, and alcohol is served. You got up, getting yourself and your husband a drink each. Him thanking you as you sit next to him again. Sipping your drink you lean towards him. "That is Vanessa's niece and nephew. Her brother and sister in law" you point out the people. His eyes following your finger as he listens to your introductions.

"The group over there are some of her friends from her early childhood. They used to play together when they were younger. I wish I could remember all their names" you pause as you try and think. "I've only met them once and that was a few years ago on my defense" he continues to watch the different people. "Oh that is her nanny. Vanessa comes from a very, very posh family so they could hire a nanny" you look around. Pulling at your bottom lip slightly with your teeth as you try and find a specific person. Shrugging slightly, downing the rest of your drink before muttering. "I can't see either of her parents"

You stand up. Causing his eyes to move from the crowd up to meet yours. "Do you want another drink?" he shakes his head. Watching as you go over to the drinks area. Grabbing a bottle and refilling your glass. You go to walk back over to your husband just as Vanessa comes up beside you. You smile at her, going to speak but she cuts you off.

"So... you got married" you nod, placing the lid of the bottle back on as you place it back onto the table. "That must be nice for you... " Turning to face her you take a sip of your drink "Thomas Shelby correct?". You nod again, getting ready to answer her 21 questions. "How did you two meet then?"

"I ran into him a few times around where we lived. We got closer once I became his neighbor. Once that happened one thing led to another and well - now we're married"

"Oh that's... sweet"

"You hesitated"

"No. No I didn't" you look at her, a smile taunting your lips as she shakes her head. Raising your eyebrow a fraction she lets out a sigh "Ok maybe I'm a bit hesitant" you lean against the table, picking your drink up.

"Why?"

"I just- I'm concerned for you" she comes closer to you, her eyes darting over at the man as she speaks in a hushed tone "I've heard about the Peaky Blinders. What they do. And who they are run by" you nod, watching as she moves a little bit away from you. Placing her hands either side of your arms. Almost holding you in place as she tilts her head down slightly. Looking at you through her eyebrows. As if the new angle could give a new perspective for either of you.

"I'm worried you've gotten yourself into a situation that you can't get yourself out of. That you've done something to end up here" you nod in understanding. Bringing your drink up to your lips as you take a sip. She continues "The violence that surrounds his name. The illegal acts that his family take part in. The affairs he has with every girl with a heart beat". Your eyes glance over to him. As if on cue a young, very attractive girl goes and sits next to him. You take a deep breath and look back at your friend. Smiling at her as you place your drink down. Taking her hands in yours as you look at your friend.

"I appreciate your concern. I do. And I love how much you care about me. But I am aware of who my husband is and the acts he gets up to in his free time" you look downward as you continue speaking slowly, thinking the words through before saying them out loud. "I know that - so long as I am his wife - my sisters and I will be protected from everyone who used to want me dead. I also know that my husband would never cause me harm as it wouldn't be in his best interest to hurt me"

Before either of you could continue your conversation, a youngish lad comes over. Asking your friend for a dance to which she accepts. You take this time to down your drink, pouring yourself another one before going back over to the table with Thomas at. The girl he was talking to stands up, smiling at you before turning to him. Gently resting her hand on his shoulder as she leans down. "I've got to go. My car is waiting for me. It was lovely seeing you today" she smiles, gently kissing his cheek before she stands up. "We should meet up again. Some time soon" he nods, watching her as she walks away.

"Who was that?" you ask.

"Just a girl. She thought I looked lonely so kept me company" you nod slightly.

"Sorry I would've come back sooner but I got talking to V" he nods and smiles softly at you as you turn to face him instead.

"How do you two know each other then, eh?" you let out a soft chuckle. Bringing your glass up to your lips, speaking before taking a sip of the liquid.

"I stole a large sum of money from her". His normal expressionless features turn to one of confusion instead. Causing you to let out a small chuckle, turning to watch your friend dancing as you talk to him. "I was 17. Stole her purse from her. I went to a poker game and won a good few times. She found out. I gave her back the money and the extra earnings I had made. She was impressed by how I had dealt with the money, how I stole it plus how I'd increased the earnings that she offered me a job. Working for her. Stealing for her. Being a spy of sorts. I denied the offer. I was young and knew if I started working for her then that would be it for life. But she took a liking to me. Let me stay in her house for a bit. I guess that's how we became friends"

You down the rest of your drink before placing it onto the table. Turning to face your husband. His features soft but unreadable as you watch him. You smile, standing up as you hold your hand out. A look of amusement on his face as he looks up at you.

"Lets go dance" he watches you. A smile threatens his lips before he places his hand into yours. Letting you essentially drag him to the dancing. The both of you engaging and dancing with other party goers. The song finishes and you all cheer for the band. He turns to you, gently resting his hand on your lower back as he whispers into your ear.

"You carry on dancing love. I'm going to sit down" you nod, smiling at him as you feel him move his hand from you. You take hands with one of the other party guests. Dancing with them in place of your husband.

A few more hours pass. You dance and drink throughout the night. That is until the party starts to disperse. Ending in the early hours of the morning. You say goodnight to your friends. Finding your husband sitting at a table. The girl from earlier that night sitting next to him again. You bite your bottom lip slightly. Unsure if you should go over and say something. He is your husband after all. But you arent jealous of the girl hes talking to, yes you find him attractive but you arent married to gim for romantic reasons. Because of this you decide to leave it.

Retiring to your bedroom for the night. Stumbling slightly as you make your way to the edge of the bed. Sitting onto it and regaining your balance. You must've drunk more then planned. Chuckling slightly at yourself, taking off your shoes. Starting to undo the buttons of your dress, the door opens. You automaticaly stop undressing as Thomas walks in. You smile at him softly before standing up and turning your back slightly. Undoing and taking off your dress. Leaving you in your bra, pants, and socks. Your husband takes off his blazer. You watch as he loosens and undoes his tie. Placing them onto a small armchair sitting in the bedroom.

"Mr Shelby?" you ask. Your voice quiet as to not disturb the other members of the house. He turns to face you, starting to undo his shirt buttons as he gives you his undivided attention. Your drunken mind taking over from your logical one. "Do you find me attractive?". He pauses. His hands that were undoing his buttons fall calmly to his sides. His piercing eyes standing out in the room as they watch you. The silence quickly falling onto your ears. You break your gaze with his, shaking your head slightly. Your slowly sobering mind catching up with your drunken one. "Sorry it was a stupid question. Just forget I asked it".

You reach your hands up. Fumbling with your earrings as you take them out. "Why would you think I don't find you attractive?". The suddenness of his voice making you jump slightly. You look at him. His gaze just as harsh as it was when you originally looked away.

"Please just-" you shake your head as you break his gaze "Forget I asked. Please. I think the alcohol from tonight is clouding my judgement"

"There must be some other reason behind this thought though eh?" you meet his eyes again. "You want a trusting relationship with me. This is a good way to start. So tell me - why are you suddenly asking this question"

"B-because..." you feel your cheeks start to turn a slight shade of red. His eyes dart to your cheeks, noticing the change of colour in them. He tries his best to hide the slight smirk that comes over his face

"You need to speak up love" he teases. You avoid his eyes. Speaking softly but loudly.

"We haven't had sex. Not since our wedding. I know that it's not because you're to busy for it. I've seen how you are with other woman. I know that you get it else where. I just- I assumed its because I was a social accessory. Not someone you would actually want to have sex with". There's a small pause before you hear him walk towards you. A soft grip onto your jaw as he tilts your head to look at him.

"This marriage was constructed for social reasons. Not sexual ones" he leans down, his eyes watching yours as his lips hover dangerously close to yours. "But if you want a fuck... Then I can give you a fuck". You pause a moment. Taking in what he said before you nod. A very quick but enthusiastic nod. Dropping your face he stands up straight. Taking a few steps back from you. His eyes grazing over your half naked form. You watch him. Waiting for his next move.

"Get undressed" he says. His eyes coming up and meeting yours. Never once breaking contact as you stand up. Slowly taking off your layers as he rolls his sleeves up and pushing his suspenders off of his shoulders. Watching your every movement as your undergarments soon become a small pile on the floor. You keep your arms by the side as he comes over to you. Closing the gap he created. Tilting your head up by your chin as you lock eyes with his. "Open you legs". You do as he says. The hand wondering from your chin, down your throat. Between your breasts. Over your stomach. Eventually finding that spot between your legs.

Your hands come up, resting onto his shoulders as he moves his fingers slowly over your clit. You flutter your eyes shut as soft moans leave your lips. Hands gripping his shoulders as he continues to work on the small bundle of nerves. You feel his finger move. Gently pushing two digits into your needy hole.

Another soft whine leaves your lips as he begins to slowly thrust his fingers in and out of you. "Poor thing. Already so wet for me. And I've been a neglectful husband. Not helping to attend to your needs". He puts his arm around your waist. Holding you close to him as he continues.

"P-please Mr Sh-Shelby" you manage to stutter out. Opening your eyes, your gaze connecting with his as he quickens his pace on you. Causing all logical thought to leave your head as you dig your nails into his shoulders. Feeling your orgasm building up and up. "Please. Please" you mumble. He smiles, watching as you start to crumble under him.

"You want to cum eh?" Feeling him curl his fingers inside of you. You nod

"Yes. Fuck yes. Please" he smiles. Kissing you harshly before he removes his fingers. Right before you could cum. "No. Please. Please" you beg. Your hips rutting against nothing as you try and get some sort of friction. He smiles. An almost sadistic smile as you grip at his shirt.

"Its ok love. I'll let you cum before morning". He kisses you again. Enjoying the small grunt you make as your mouths connect. He pulls away. Pushing you gently away from him, perching you onto the end of the bed. You watch as he starts to undo the buttons of his shirt. You bite your bottom lip. Watching his hands remove the delicate fabric. Your eyes fixated on him removing his trousers and underwear. His clothes becoming forgotten on the floor as he walks over to you.

He doesn't hesitate as he pushes his lips back onto yours. Your hand going to the back of his head as the other holds his bicep. His hands going to either side of your face. The slight taste of alcohol on both of your tongues as you continue to kiss each other. He holds you close to him as he pushes you to lie down. Him coming on top of you as you put a leg either side of him. He breaks away from the kiss, gently running the back of his fingers down the side of your face. Your soft smile quickly changing as he pushes himself into you.

"Holy fuck". You groan out. Eyes fluttering as he bottoms out. Kissing your neck before he pulls out completely. Pushing himself back into you. Repeating this action, slowly but precise. His tip hitting that sweet spot inside of you with every thrust. He keeps eye contact with you as he rests his forehead onto yours. Your hands go to his cheeks. Soft whimpers leaving your lips as he begins to fasten his pace. That familiar feeling building up again.

"I didn't think... that a girl as smart as you... could be fucked... into being so dumb... so easily" he says. Emphasizing every few words with a thrust. The words going straight to your core, causing you to tighten around him. He lets out a chuckle that quickly turns into a grunt. Kissing you as he also gets closer to his own high.

"C-can I cu-cum? Pl-please?" he smies. Kissing you again before speaking.

"Let me feel this pretty pussy cum around my cock" you moan out. Shutting your eyes tightly as you ball your hands into fists. Letting your orgasm wash over you. Tightening around his length. A few more thrusts and he hits his own high. Pushing deep into you as he lets his cum fill you up. The both of you breathe deeply. Catching your breath as you gently run your hands over his shoulder blades. Shutting your eyes as you feel him start to go soft inside of you.

He plants a deep kiss to your lips before he pulls out of you. He cleans himself up, putting his boxers back on. You sit up. Bringing your knees up to your chest. He grabs out a pack of cigarettes, rolling one over his lips before placing it into his mouth. Taking out a lighter and lighting the end. He draws a drag from it. Taking it from his lips with his thumb and forefinger he hands it to you. Exhaling the smoke, you watch as it falls around him. You take the item, placing it into your mouth. Shutting your eyes as you let the nicotine fill your body.

Opening your eyes you take the cigarette from your lips. Standing up you give it back to him. Grabbing some sort of cloth to clean yourself up with before placing your night clothes over yourself. His eyes watch you as you make your way over to the bed. Getting underneath the covers you hear the birds start to chirp outside. A tired smile appears on your lips as you look over at the window. You nestle down under the duvet. Bringing it close to your face as you get warm. Knowing you have a couple of hours before you need to be awake.

A few minutes pass, feeling movement in the bed next to you. You open your eyes, seeing Thomas getting in next to you. He rests on his back, bringing an arm up to rest behind his head. Your eyes scan over his profile. The early morning sun sneaking in past the curtains, making his skin look beautiful as he lies next to you. You shut your eyes again. Speaking softly to him

"Sleep well, Mr Shelby"

TAGS

@whorecrux-of-slytherin

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[stromuprisahat]

Hey,

Could you do a meta on the similarities between Labyrinth (1986) and the Shadow and Bone Trilogy? I read through that one scene (Alina and Darkling Interactions on your blog) between Alina and the Darkling after her and Mal get captured and Alina has to bargain for his life and they speak about fairness and the way the public views them both (Chapter 21 of the first book, I believe). I vaguely remembered this type of conversation from another piece of media, and saw in your tags that you attributed it to Labyrinth. Honestly wondering how much the movie influenced the trilogy, as I feel like Alina was supposed to be a Sarah Williams type of character but got her character development strangled by the narrative. Honestly wondering if this makes Mal Toby (romance aside), because Alina fought hard for this man and chose him over the ‘glamorous’ life she could have lived with the guy with powers (Darkling/Jareth). Genya might be Hoggle (works for the bad guy before becoming loyal to the protagonist). Maybe this is all a stretch?

Sorry if this is weirdly formatted. Thank you so much!

No anon! Why?!

I've watched Labyrinth once, and didn't enjoy it, so I was considering passing this on someone else, but since you've delved into details, I just HAD TO rewatch it, because I can't stand not knowing what's going on! So, I'll type as a watch and this will get veeeeeery long.

First of all- I hate those ugly-ass puppets and scenes. I find them creepy, and not in the good way. I totally don't get the ?US? obsession with them, and yes- I've hated Sesame Street, when it got imported here, and I've always hated Czech attempts at copying such production (Táhni, Františku z Fanfárie a Jůheláci taky, když už jsme u toho.).

I feel like Labyrinth is one of those movies, where fanon became widely-accepted canon, because I just can't see plenty of stuff allegedly present.

Alina and Sarah certainly have two things in common- they live in their own version of the world, and they're unbearably immature spoiled brats, even though you'd expect more from them their age considered. Yet somehow, Sarah's so unreasonably whiny, she almost makes me love Alina. Perhaps if we'd age her up a little and gave her potentially world-saving powers, she could've taken the S02show!psycho's place. They seem more alike than the book girl.

I mean... I don't like children, and I wouldn't be such a bitch to a ?one? year old...

The baby was a spoiled child and wanted everything for himself…

The baby can barely stand and certainly doesn't seem able to talk. It doesn't have mental capacity to imagine "everything", sure as hell not want it.

…and the young girl was practically a slave.

Sorry, but a scene earlier I saw her room. I watch her father respect her privacy. Her evil step mother being nothing but polite and non-threatening. I come from a loving family, and I've been keeping eye on my eight-years-younger brother since he was born. To an extent- yes, but they just want her to make sure he doesn't burn down the house on accident or something. He's even fed for fuck's sake! That's hardly slavery. And no, she doesn't get a pass as a moody teenager. This is a spoiled brat behaviour.

Sarah's straight up lying to make herself the victim. That's very Alina. Or more precisely- it's very Alina's new mommy Ol' Bags, but then again it's been said before Alina would grow into Baghra in time.

Goblin King, Goblin King, wherever you may be… …take this child of mine far away from me!

We have a better Czech ballad about children-stealing demon punishing short-tempered mother:

"Pojď si proň, ty Polednice, pojď, vem si ho, zlostníka!“ – A hle, tu kdos u světnice dvéře zlehka odmyká.

Kytice- Polednice (Karel Jaromír Erben)

“Come and get him, noon witch, come take him! I can bear no more!” And look, someone’s outside – a thumb is stealthily working the lock at the door.

A Bouquet: of Czech Folktales (transl. by Marcela Malek Sulak)

I went through it quickly, and the translation doesn't look bad, so it's available on libgen if you're interested.

Alina had her immortality and complementary powers, but what does Jareth see in Sarah is beyond me.

Sarah says she wants her brother back, but honestly- it sounds more like she doesn't want to get in trouble because of him. I don't know if it's only the acting, or if it's intentionally portrayed so, but she doesn't look like someone, who just realized they care about someone else.

It might be the whiny undertone in her voice. Irritating, if anything.

Yeah, a pissing puppet is exactly what I needed to see...

Genya is certainly prettier than Hoggle.

And doesn't piss in public.

The walls of the Labyrinth look like Terezín before reconstruction.

Sarah gets an advice and doesn't bother to delve into it. Another tiny similarity with Alina. Except Alina had her half-a-thought of doubt, and her advisor is a malevolent cunt with her own interests. The freaky worm seemed genuine in its desire to help.

Obligatory song and dancing. *shoot me, please*

The only way out of here is to try one of these doors. One of them leads to the castle at the centre of the labyrinth. And the other one leads to… …certain death.

Please, pick the death one...

"Helping hands"... every creep's wet dream...

Yeah, the evil hot accent isn't enough to make me like this villain. Fucking 80s...

Those depressive warning faces are probably the only thing I might even ~like~.

Okay, NOW he was hot.

Jareth and Sarah have the fairness conversation, when he shortens her time to punish her for her defiance. Aleksander and Alina's take place, when he wants her to face consequences of her own actions and accept responsibility. He's the wronged one there, because she didn't consider anyone or anything, when she chose to trust Baghra and ran off.

Sarah gets Hoggle to follow her by stealing his stuff. She gets the doorknockers to let her in by tricking the mumbling one into taking the unpleasant ring back into his mouth and doesn't even try to pull it out again, or knock without it attached. She's rather cruel in her thoughtlessness, isn't she?

Aleksander never shames Genya for wanting to be Alina's friend. He never blackmails her to help him. She's the one, who provokes his rightful wrath for no good reason.

I think Jareth might be what LB (sometimes) wants us to see in Aleksander. Except it's hardly what she shows by his actions, only what her characters describe.

Another difference- Aleksander doesn't only want Alina, he needs her for his plan to save his people. Jareth merely has the worst possible taste in women.

Okay, the dog making hoof-clopping noises also isn't the worst idea.

I'm kinda sorry Aleksander never tried to poison/drug Alina. That might be fun. Even the collaring couldn't really make her compliant, so he's technically nicer even in this aspect. I can see antis claiming he tried to woo her by showing her the splendor of Little Palace and giving her the centre role in Winter Fete, but the former wasn't different from Grisha in officer training, the later was the Crown's doing. He's even said to despise such events.

Sarah is a modern teenager. Alina's considered adult in her world. I got to the ball scene, where it's painfully obvious Sarah is a child in adult's clothes and make-up. I'm a bit surprised she was played by an actual teenager.

Alina starts off willing to do anything for Malyen, and ends up becoming just what he wants. Sarah starts off selfishly bullying a baby, only to turn 180° as soon as he's stolen, so excuse I'm not persuaded she means it. She doesn't manage it in next hour and half.

~ I have to face him alone. - But why? ~ Because that's the way it's done.

The logic is very Alina, but she never insists on facing the Darkling alone, except that one time she attempts murder/suicide.

Oh no, Aleksander would never wear something this teAsticleless

And no, I truly don't mean the colour.

I ask for so little. Just let me rule you… …and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say… …and I will be your slave.

Again, that's no Aleksander at all. He didn't want to rule Alina, he wanted to rule alongside her. He only tried to force her once she endangered his plans for his country and people.

He never promised her everything she's want, because the only thing she seems to want is to be left alone to live in obscurity with no expectations placed on her.

He doesn't want her to fear him and she never does. He doesn't even crave people's fear. He uses it as a tool, when there's no better option.

He doesn't mind Alina defying him, finds it attractive actually, as long as it doesn't ruin- once again- his plans for Ravka and Grisha protection.

The slave line actually reminds me of much better representation of book!Aleksander- I Wanna Be Your Slave by Måneskin.

I was pretty sure I've seen Cinema Therapy episode on Labyrinth I deeply agreed with, but can't find it, so... :(

[kesouu]

Blue Star☆｡⁠*✯ﾟ⁠+*⁠.✧

(⁠☆) Narumi Gen x Oc

(｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ CHAPTER 3 +ﾟ⁠*｡⁠)

(⁠｡⁠•̀✧) THIS ONE HAS SPOILERS FOR KAIJUU NO. 8 B-SIDE!!! (In case for people who didn't see my edit last chap, this story is 2 years before the main plot of the show!!)

7 years ago...

"So your saying...THE CAPTAIN OF THE STRONGEST DIVISION WANTS TO INVITE US TO THEIR BASE?! AS IN THE ARIAKE MARITME BASE?!" Hoshiko yells as they exit the hospital, Narumi who walked with her slapped a hand to her mouth "You sure are noisy for someone who was just discharged from the hospital." He complained as a car pulled up in front of them and a tall man exits the car "I am Eiji Hasegawa, First Division Platoon Leader. I'm here to escort the both of you to headquarters."

"Ha-Hasegawa-san...." Hoshiko mutters, her expression displaying pure awe at the person infront of them not minding how Narumi grabbed her arm and pulled her into the car with a scowl on his face. The drive to their destination was short but the boy still slept on Hoshiko's shoulder for the ride. Looking at him, she realized the bags under his eyes have grown darker 'I must have worried him...' the girl thought as she frowned at the thought of Narumi staying up late at night waiting for her to wake up from what the doctors mentioned was 3 days.

Hoshiko stood in awe once more as they got out of the car "It looks so mugh bigger in person!" She gushes at Narumi who rolls his eyes "It's what ever." He says while walking away leaving his friend to catch up. "Were going to run some tests on both of you just to see your unleased combat power, it's not normal for people to just randomly use carcasses that aren't adjusted as weapons" an operator explains to the two as they both laid down on a table as other operators set the devices need for the test.

"The boy's unleashed combat power...is 24 percent?!" Hasegawa explains as he looked at the numbers on the screen "The girl, too has quite the impressive number with 21 percent." The captain, Shinomiya, mentions as well "It would seem their aptitude for Kaijuu cells are remarkably high in general. Also we haven't officially confirmed this yet...but the boy is showing potential aptitude for weapon 1." Silence follows in the room as Hasegawa is the first to break it "Aptitude for a numbers weapon?!"

"It wouldn't be a stretch to call both of them abnormal. It's no wonder they managed to use an unadjusted uniorgan." Shinomiya states as Hasegawa looks at both the teens backgrounds that were in both his hands 'Gen Narumi. He has high academic and athletic marks, but he's been suspended from school multiple times due to misconduct. He lost his parents to a kaijuu cataclysm. Hoshiko Mitsuba, the same as Narumi, high academic and athletic marks but was the opposite of him in terms of conduct. She lost her parents to the incident 3 days ago.' Hasegawa read as he looked at both profiles 'no next of kin, huh?'

"Are we done here? We're busy and Hoshiko was ordered by the doctors to take it easy for a while. If that's all, were going home." Hoshiko nudged his side with her elbow at the disregard to officials "Gen that's rude!" She whispered but the boy payed no mind and brought out his hand-held console while linking his arm with Hoshiko. "You're going home, you say? The facility you were living in has been destroyed, and Mitsuba's house has been destroyed as well. You're two are going to live in the evacuation shelters now that Mitsuba has been discharged, aren't you?" Shinomiya questions Narumi as he replies uncaringly "We dont care where we go." Hoshiko could only sweat drop and stand beside Narumi awkwardly as he answered for her so she continued listening on "It"'s not like I've grown attached to any of the orphanages I've been in so far. All they ever did was pass me off to the next place."

"You've always survived by your own strength. That's what you said back there, correct?" Shinomiya pushed on in questioning "Yeah, I don't have any next of kin. None of my teachers or any of the folks at the orphanages have ever done a thing for me. Hoshiko has been the only one to step up, you guys are no different, right? What good does a test proving I'm abnormal do?" Narumi explained, eyes still trained on his console screen "Mitsuba and Narumi...was it? You two should join the defense force." Hoshiko's is left mouth agape and eyes wide at the proposal 'Captain Shinomiya himself is asking me and Gen to join the defense force?!' she though as Narumi finally lifted his eyes from his screen "Say what? The defense force? Us?" Narumi asks skeptically "That's right. Our objective is exterminate kaijuu. Both of your power will ine day be necessary to protect this nation." Silence flowed through the air as Shinomiya waited for Narumi and Hoshiko's response.

"You're just saying that you want to take advantage of us, aren't you?" Narumi replied with his eyes back onto his game "That all depends of the both of you. We accept anyone who shows skills and results. That's the sort of place the first division is." Hasegawa glances to Shinomiya as he though 'Captain Shinomiya seems to be putting a great deal of stock in these kids.' he stares down at the ground in with a face of frustration 'I suppose I'm no different. There's an air currently hanging over the defense force. Stagnation. Mr. Isao has served as the captain of the first division for a long time. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't be surprising for him to transfer to headquarters now that he’s physically past his prime. Vice captain Itami is in a similar boat, considering his skills and career. The reason is plain and simple. We lack an impeccable ace officer.’

‘Now that the captain of the second division, Hikari Shinomiya, once a shoo-in for taking over as captain of the first divison – has died... there is no one to serve as mr. Isao and vice captain Itami’s replacement. But... I sensed something immesurable from both these kids on that rainy day.’ Hasegawa thinks back to the sight of Narumi holding up the head of that kaijuu and Hoshiko finishing off both kaijuu that had attacked her home as he passed by. ‘Some may call it a hunch. “These two can make big changes in the defense force.” That’s what I told myself.’ Narumi looks up in thought and glances at Hoshiko with a smirk, the girl could only sigh and nod as Narumi answered for both yet again.

“So you’ll accept anyone so long as they show skills and results, eh? Sounds interesting.”

The two soon applied for the defense force entrance exam that year both passing with top marks in all parts, written and physical. Standing atop of corpse upon corpse were them as they personally killed for the second round of the exam that was live kaijuu neutralization. Narumi looks up to the drone assigned to him as he spoke “I’m going to see if what you said was true about the defense force.” He said smiling triumphantly while Hoshiko sweat dropped at what she got herself into, she may had no idea what to do after grad, but joining the defense force to follow the only thing she had left in the world was certainly not one of them.

-☆☆

[golbrocklovely]

i'm gonna make this post since i have like ten asks wondering my thoughts on it. and i don't really feel like repeating myself over and over again.

long story short, i'm disappointed.

so… snc did a video with elton and corey. they addressed the rumors that have been circulating about elton and the things he has done to snc, none of which were true. and i'm glad that that can finally come to a close and the death threats can calm down. bc while i never liked elton, he didn't deserve death threats.

but let me get into the video.

i don't feel like rewatching it, so if i get some things wrong, idc. but what i know for certain is that elton flat out said "the fans drove us apart and made me act the way i did." which, is just a flat out lie. HE started way back in late 2020/21. i have proof. i've seen it with my own eyes. i was literally there while he was tweeting out things against snc. if he is that easily persuaded, he should reconsider his career choices. fans took it too far, i'm not disagreeing with that; but to pretend that him and corey didn't shade snc for years and that the fans started a beef between them is ridiculous and incredibly incorrect. elton started a battle that he didn't think was gonna continue for as long as it did. he believed his ego and thought fans would side with him in his unjust belief that snc were copying him. and it didn't play out in his favor, so he just got more bitter and bitter over the years about it. once ppl started making up lies about him, something he had no issue doing to snc, that's when things went "too far".

again, did he deserve death threats for being petty? absolutely not. did he deserve lies to be made up about him? no. but do not pretend to be an innocent bystander in a war YOU started. you handled things publicly and then got pissed when the public had opinions. idk what you expected. snc didn't do anything to elton. they didn't copy him, they didn't take content that was his and change it around to be their own. that is something elton CLAIMED to have been the case. and now he tries to blame it on fans and that they were the ones that claimed that. his apology is null and void when he turns around and says "yeah i said some things i shouldn't have but it's actually the fans' doing that made me think that way." you are full grown adult man with multiple businesses. act like it.

and i cannot fathom under any circumstance why snc would ALLOW elton and corey back into their lives. they bad-mouthed you two for YEARS. they did it in front of fans on tour! they cultivated a fandom that was happy to see you guys fail or get called out. i get you feel bad that fans took things too far. that maybe you were petty too in some instances, that you could have reached out sooner. but YOU DIDN'T START THIS. they don't deserve loyalty or to be in your lives again bc fans were assholes! and you shouldn't want someone in your life that will believe a stranger over you. bc what is there to say that elton won't turn around and shit on you again? he obviously has issues talking shit out. what about the next time he thinks you slighted him? you think he's gonna be rational and act like an adult and talk to you? probably fucking not.

snc bitch time and time again about feeling used, that they always feel taken advantaged of. they keep their inner circle small bc they can't trust anyone. colby literally talked about not being able to date outside of the industry bc what if the girl he's with wants something from him. they do all of this complaining, only to bring elton and corey back in. two ppl who will only BENEFIT from being their friend again. they have been losing subs and followers for years now ever since they started this war. they have nothing to lose being your friend again. they will USE YOU.

it became very apparent to me that snc only want elton and corey back in their lives for memories' sake. they had a three hour conversation only to go back and talk about the good ol times. there's a reason why those moments are in the past. elton literally still sees you guys as the young 20 year olds he has to "take care of". he literally said he loveD you guys, past tense - bc now he hasn't hung out with yall in so long. and you want that back in your life bc you miss feeling young and have uncle elton around? let go of 2017. that was a life time ago. there is no reason to have this man back in your life. and same goes for corey. neither one of them even wished you well publicly when you were diagnosis with cancer or going thru chemo, colby! what about that screams good friend material??

i know i am one person with one opinion. you don't have to listen to me, and that goes for everyone reading this. if you're happy they're back together, that's great. good for you. but i will not be supporting any content that comes from elton/corey and snc. if they do a video together, go on a trip - i will not watch it. i don't care to see two men who i care about hang out with two other guys that literally wished them the worst for three years straight.

snc are allowed to make whatever choice they want. if they want these guys back in their lives, that's the choice they make. if they accept elton's apology, that's fine. but i will not support it. it is such a disappointing feeling to see the ppl you care about act like floormats personified. you guys are so desperate to be seen as good and positive and it is mind-numbingly annoying. who cares if you're an asshole sometimes?! set boundaries for christ's sake. and follow thru on them. stop listening to fans who have the attention span of a spoon and are only here bc they think you're hot.

…this goes into a longer issue i've had with snc for a while now. and that's that i'm no longer excited to be an avid watcher of them. everything that has happened this year was proof, to me, that they should have taken an actual, long term break, the moment colby got sick. they started out the year not even being with each other on colby's bday. and even before that you could tell something was off with the two of them. it was clear colby wanted a break, was aching for one, and sam was the one that wanted to jump right back into work the moment the new year started. then colby got diagnosed, then sam and kat broke up, then colby went thru chemo, then sam needed to get his shit sorted out so he went to therapy (and still very much needs it). then they celebrated colby being cancer free and jumped back into the amount of work they were used to doing. this doesn't even take into account that colby never got time to recover from even realizing HE HAD CANCER, or the fact he was working all while going thru chemo and before that too. they NEVER took a break. taking a week off to black out in japan doesn't count. they are so obsessed with working and numbers, it's not even funny.

and then this podcast with kris… while i did enjoy it, it became very clear to me that snc are really only making content anymore for views and money. and look, get your coin, this is your job after all. but at what point do you start making content you actually enjoy making? bc the moment they shitted on 25x25, something they very much loved when it was happening, that was enough proof that they only care about views and money anymore. the only reason they stopped that WAS bc no one watched it. and ppl didn't stop watching it bc it was inauthentic. you were travelling during a deadly pandemic… what did you expect fans to do?? not to mention you cold turkey-ed content that ppl signed up for (haunted stuff). of course the views are gonna plummet. it wasn't bc the editing was weird and new, which is what yall love to latch onto even to this day. you guys were so excited for that content, and now shit on it bc it's become the joke to the fandom, half of which wasn't even here when you made that content.

you collab with ppl no one even cares to see you with bc you know it will bring in views. who the fuck wants to see yall and bella poarch at the conjuring house??? none of these collabs make sense anymore, unless you just want to get views. all the content you have put out this year has been mediocre at best. you talk about quality over quantity but really should have just considered not working and taking a break since one of you was literally going thru fucking cancer.

i just feel so deflated. i'm not even excited for the conjuring house. i don't care about hell week. i can't even be pissed that sam is barely helping with the edit still. none of this fucking matters anymore.

yall don't care, so why should i?

do whatever makes you happy, i guess. but don't complain when you realize it doesn't, bc i'm not gonna be here to hear it.

also, if any of you get pissy at me bc you feel like this is a good thing and you want to see them collab and i'm taking it too far... respectfully, i don't give a single shit about your opinion. have yours, i'll have mine.

[fragilecapric0rnn]

“it’s okay, i couldn’t sleep anyway” for the prompt thing!! (-patheticgirlsteve)

OKAY SO this prompt is from a prompt list I rb'd in December (wowza!) and I found the writing for this prompt half finished in my WIPs folder today and decided to finish it!

This ficlet is also a look into the in-progress When Harry Met Sally-inspired AU/canon divergence fic. I've been sitting on both that fic and this snippet for far too long and have been itching to share something. So, here's the something!

(something set in the late summer of '98, in a city that doesn't bode well during heat waves)

It’s an unusually hot night in Steve’s apartment. 

It's going to be an unusually hot week in the city, actually.

Steve has gotten used to the temperate San Francisco weather in the 11 years he's been a resident. But after 11 years, he's still surprised at the random bursts of heat that creep in during these last few weeks of August. Just in time for him and his students to sit inside the toaster oven that is his classroom during the first week of school.

Thankfully, it's not a school night. The last week of his summer vacation, and he's spent most of the daylight hours dangling half of his body out of the screen-less street-facing window in his apartment, praying a breeze would whip past him. (It didn't).

After an hour of tossing and turning in bed, in nothing but a pair of boxers, the open window providing no relief, the air stale and hot and a bit sticky, he decided to move to the living room, where he will still be suffering, but at least there's a TV out there.

A movie he remembers seeing with Robin in the theater during their Oakland days is playing as soon as he flicks on the TV, reminding him of how long it's been since they've lived together, let alone in that first apartment in Oakland. Freshly 20 and 21, figuring out how to live on their own, thousands of miles from everyone and everything they knew. Figuring out how to deal with the calmness of it all.

Remembers talking about the movie again in '92, and being annoyed with all of his friends (Eddie and Nancy) who thought that Lloyd and Diane broke up in London. Wonders if they're still as cynical about love today as they were back then.

As he's counting the years back in his head, the phone rings, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Hel-lo?” He answers, remembering that it is 2am in the middle of the word, dragging it into two syllables to make it seem like he's shocked that someone is calling him.

“What the hell are you doing awake at this hour?” Eddie quips, Steve reflexively rolls his eyes, at both the tone of his voice and the question itself.

“How do you know that you didn’t just interrupt my much needed beauty sleep?” He scoffs, flicking his head like he would if Eddie were sitting right here on the couch with him. Eddie must pick up on it, chuckling over the phone, a similar sound to the one he made when he was sitting on this couch hours ago, suffering with Steve in his apartment.

Now there's something twenty-one year old Steve would be shocked to learn. That him and Eddie became friends, at all.

“I can hear the TV.” Steve hums in response, turns the volume down a notch or two. “But, here’s a courtesy ‘I’m sorry’ for the late night call.”  

“It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.” Steve sighs as the slightest breeze rolls through the open window. He's a much better sleeper than twenty-one year old Steve, but due to recent life-changing events and this damn heat-wave, a late-night phone call with Eddie is almost routine at this point

“I miss Evie’s apartment. She had AC.” Eddie says, casually. Steve still doesn't get how he can talk about her so casually. How he can just bring her up like it's nothing. If he even thinks about -

“I still can’t believe you got your heartbroken by a trust fund baby.” He says, cutting off his own thought.

“I’m more heartbroken about that AC unit right now,” still casual, as if he is actually heartbroken about an AC and not a person.

“What’re you watching?” He asks.

“Say Anything.” 

“Channel?”

“12.” 

The scene where Lloyd is talking to Diane’s father on the prison yard. It makes him think of Eddie on the other line, sitting in his unintentional bachelor pad a few blocks away from his own. The thought must’ve made Eddie’s ears burn. 

“That’s not what visitation is actually like, ya know?” His voice is soft.

“Oh yeah?” Steve says, wanting to encourage but not pry.

“Yeah. It’s indoors, at tables, cold and gray. Feels dirty and sterile at the same time.” Eddie says.

“I always thought it happened between a plane of glass, with a telephone on either side of the glass.” Steve offers, giving him an out, a chance to change the subject if he wants to bow out.

“That’s what it’s like in county jail. Prison’s different.” Steve hums again, knows there’s no need to respond with anything else. Steve doesn’t need to ask him how he knows all of this. He knows that Eddie doesn’t expect him to ask. That’s the thing, about old friends, about them, about their whole gang. There are certain things they’ll always know about each other. 

His mind drifts to a little Eddie and a younger Wayne, walking into a room just like Eddie had described, going through the motions. It pulls at his chest a little. 

“Do you still think they broke up in London?” Steve tests.

“I don’t think they broke up in London?” Eddie says, a tad defensive. 

“Yes you do, or you did.” He remembers the conversation, he knows Eddie must remember the conversation.

“When did I say that?” 

“In San Diego, we had a whole thing about it, the five of us.” The drunk and loud debate was held stuffed into a diner booth in San Diego. Before you left.

Eddie pauses.

“I did say that, didn’t I?” 

“You sure did.” 

“Well, to answer your question, no. I don't think so. I think that they’re two weirdos who were meant for each other.” Eddie says, Steve sinks further into the couch, holds the phone up with his shoulder.

“That's exactly what I said then.” 

"Well, I think it now."

"Me too." It comes out softer than he expected. Suddenly thankful that this conversation is happening over the phone, so he can scrunch the feeling away from his face, take a deep breath and shake the feeling that just washed over his body.

“I know a thing or two about weirdos who’re meant for each other.” Eddie says playfully, that tone he uses when he's half-joking, but half-serious. Steve feels something bubble in the very depths of his stomach. 

“Oh yeah? Who?” 

“You and Robin.” Pop. He lets out a deep breath.

“Ha ha.” Steve says, toning up the sarcasm.

“Max and Lucas, Joyce and Jim, the entire gang who’s bonded by the terrors of the 80s and government NDA’s.” Steve’s laugh barks out of him, he can’t hide how surprised he is at these words coming out of Eddie’s mouth. 

“What? What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing, it’s just…” He trails off, trying to choose his next words carefully. “Not used to you talking about the past. Hasn’t really been your thing.” His mind drifts momentarily to San Diego again. Watching him hail that cab. Running away. 

“There's a lotta things that I used to do, or not do.” There’s a pause. Either of them could say something, there’s something dangling in the air between them, between their two phone lines, filling the space between their two apartments. Just as Steve opens his mouth to say something, cut the tension, snatch the feeling out of the air, Eddie beats him to it.

[toyybox]

Spiderwebs #21: Snowfall

Masterlist

content: captivity, immortal whumpee, aftermath of murder, disposal of a dead body

It's finally December, dear readers. I know I'm looking forward to this year's December break! And who could forget all the snow! I know I love snow: the cold temperatures, the risk of hypothermia, the endless white horizon that slowly kills the fire of hope... it truly warms my heart :) I hope you all enjoy this winter-themed chapter! ❄️❄️❄️

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Heather had just successfully killed a man, and Jackie was feeling terrible. Not specifically because of the murder. He felt terrible all the time now, maybe from a lack of sunshine, but also probably due to the whole kidnapping thing. Anyway, the corpse was not helping. Jackie was not a superstitious man, but there was something in its eyes, the way they seemed to follow him even after death, the way they twisted the knife of guilt…

Jackie was not superstitious, but he decided to barricade himself in the bathroom until Heather returned. He thanked his lucky stars that his captor was a clean person. It was hard enough ignoring the stale smell of blood after all her little surgeries. A rotting body would be too much to endure.

He did not believe he could have prevented that man's death. Though the guilt lingered, Jackie didn't kid himself. At best, the stranger would live in a cage, trapped in the basement and trying to tread the endless days. And what kind of life was that? Better that he'd died, better that he was free.

But it would have been nice to have company. Constant company, not just Heather's occasional visits. And company that sympathized with him. They could have helped each other survive, even escape. Maybe things would have turned out differently.

These musings didn't matter, anyway—the stranger was dead. Jackie would survive on his own, and he would escape on his own. Besides, who said that a corpse couldn't be helpful? Heather hadn't examined the body thoroughly. Maybe there was still a weapon or tool to be found on him. 

Looting a corpse. A terrible thing to do, but still. The knife of guilt was overshadowed by the greater, much more alarming blade of hunger. The hunger for freedom. That was not to say that a literal hunger did not haunt Jackie—despite her many promises to do so, Heather was still not regular with the meals. Jackie would buy a burger as soon as he got out of there. Hell, he'd buy two burgers. He'd buy half the menu.

And to get out of here, I've got to loot that corpse, and to loot that corpse, I've got to open this bathroom door. Jackie did exactly that, his eyes screwed shut to steel his heart against the humming fear. 

When he opened it, nothing had changed. The corpse lay sprawled in its blinding simplicity. The blood lay splattered and stained upon every surface. The silence lay thick and heavy upon them both.

Jackie approached the corpse. "Hi. Sorry that you… you know, died. Happens to the best of us. But you'd want me to escape too, right?"

The corpse said nothing, for what should be obvious reasons. Its gaze looked to the heavens, to a sky it could not see. His expression held no weight, no rage or sorrow.

"Yeah. You're dead anyway. So…" He stepped closer. "If I take a few things from you, please don't come and haunt me. I just want to get out of here. You've no clue what it's like. It's—it's like—"

Jackie fumbled for the right words, but the stranger did not care. What a nice man—endlessly patient, the perfect listener. After all, he was in a place where mortal worries could not reach him, where he had all the time in the world. He was as still as stagnant water.

That was all the permission Jackie needed. If Heather could touch a corpse without even gagging, so could he. In a single swift motion, he reached for the man's jacket. Nothing in the pockets but a rolled-up dollar bill and a receipt. Jackie kept the bill, then continued. His jean pockets had a pencil—useful, he would keep that—and a cough drop still in its worn yellow-white paper wrapper. The stranger didn’t carry a phone, or Heather had already taken it with her. She would not miss anything so vital. 

It was something, but not enough. Jackie had been hoping for a weapon. Originally, he planned to use the blade of a blender, but Heather never got him one. Even before she took the scissors and plate shard away, Jackie didn’t find them particularly useful—the scissor blades were too dull for anything but paper, and the plate shard would have better luck in a circus than as a tool to slit throats. Perhaps this was for the best. Where would he keep a weapon, anyway? Not under the mattress again. Maybe in the defunct bathtub. Or in his water bottle—no, too obvious. Anyone would hear the rattle.

The door creaked open. He felt the shadow of someone behind him, then heard them speak. "I leave you alone with a dead body for a few minutes—"

Jackie glanced down. His hands were smudged with blood. "Didn't you say you would take an hour?"

"Oh, but what is an hour if not just sixty minutes? Tomato, tomahto."

How unusual. Heather would normally snap at him. "You're happy today."

"Don't change that fact, please. Now—" 

"The body."

"Yes." She walked down the stairs, stopping beside the stranger's corpse. "The body."

A brief silence lapsed, in which Jackie was able to analyze his options. The thing had stopped bleeding out, at least. He didn't know much about murder, but he had read a book once. A fiction book, but writers loved their research. That was enough. Even if his plan failed miserably, he would leave the basement. Jackie couldn't lose.

"Heather."

"Yes?"

"I want to help you get rid of him."

She seemed skeptical, but she didn't scowl. "How?"

"You're going to have to trust me on this." Jackie let the pause run for a moment or two, while he formulated his next words. "If I'm going to help you get rid of this thing, I'll have to go outside."

"Oh. Okay."

"Heather, if I don't get out—wait, really?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "Yeah, why not? You've been behaving yourself, and I don't think you'll be able to run off anyway." What she meant by this, she did not elaborate. "Go wash that blood off and put on your gloves. We're leaving immediately."

He felt it then, that long-lost springtime of the soul. That spark of light, melting the permafrost over his heart. "You're amazing. Thank you for everything, I'll—" 

She held up a hand to silence him. "Save it for later. We don't have much time."

"Yes, I'll go and do that stuff. Sorry." 

He hurried to the sink to scrub the stains off his palm, then returned to the main room to retrieve the box from under his bed. There, he took out the gloves and pulled them on. To prevent the presence of fingerprints, he assumed. They were stitched out of a black cotton material, as thick as wool, and fairly warm as well.

Heather stood waiting, arms crossed. "Ready?"

"Of course." He rushed to the foot of the stairs. "Come on, let's go."

"Alright, slow down. I had to walk four miles to the bus stop, you know. Couldn't risk bringing my car."

"Right, sorry again." He pushed down the static electricity in his nerves, willed his heart silent. It beat faster anyhow. "You go ahead."

She gave a short nod and climbed the stairs, at what felt like an inchworm's pace to Jackie. Outside, out of the basement, maybe back into the sunshine! Out into fresher air, at least, or a nicer view. Anything but the basement. Anything was better than staying there.

He climbed up after her, then watched with bated breath as she opened the door. If this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up. If this was a dream, put him in a coma, or cut out the part of him that still knew the waking world, because—

"Why are you so excited?"

Jackie faltered. "I—"

"I'm just taking you outside.” She didn't look quite angry, more a shade of annoyed. Confused? “Do you really hate living here that much?”

"Sorry, I didn’t—"

"What did I say about apologizing?"

A flash of self-righteousness won over self-preservation. "Leave me alone. I'm sorry I'm not Winston fucking Churchill or whoever. I'm just happy, okay?" His voice cracked to an impressive pitch. "Why is that a problem? Do you want me to be depressed? Is that it? Do you just want to see me suffer? I'm sorry that I get sick of staying inside every day, but you're not the one stuck in a basement. You're not the one who has to put up with a corpse next to your bed and getting your eyes gouged out and starving half the time—"

"Shit." She glanced at the ceiling. "I didn't give you anything today, did I?"

"No!"

"My bad. I must have slept through the alarm." Somehow, Jackie didn't think she actually had an alarm. "I'll get you lunch after this. Now, be quiet."

"You can't tell me to—"

"Do you want to go outside or not?"

He said nothing.

"Good." She took the corpse by the wrist and dragged it up the stairs, leaving a faint trail of red behind her on every ledge. The body shuddered after every sharp ridge. Once it was safely stowed on the floor upstairs, she stepped out into the hallway. 

Jackie stepped out after her. It was fine. Whatever. He was still going outside. Though even that joy was soured by the reality of his situation, he needed to find happiness wherever he could.

The hallway was as he remembered it, hazy though that memory was. The length of it ran horizontally to the basement door. It was plain, without any decorations on the walls, devoid of furniture. A short distance away, the wall opened to another room. The living room? Kitchen? Maybe the door to the bathroom, or another flight of stairs. The floors were dark, honey-brown wood, rather than concrete. 

Heather tapped Jackie on the shoulder, making him flinch a little. “Eyes forward, Curious George. We've got a body to bury."

"Where are we going?"

"To the yard, I suppose." She took the corpse and shoved it into a black garbage bag, conveniently left beside the basement door. The top was tied off with a knot, which she used as another handle to continue dragging. "It's this way."

The entrance to the next room. That made sense. Jackie followed after her and the corpse, into the next room, trotting at her heels with barely disguised impatience.

The next room was actually another hallway. This time, it opened into three rooms: two were blocked by doors, but the one in the center—the living room?—was open. Heather’s house was big, Jackie realized, bigger than any place he’d ever lived in. Not a mansion by any means, but not quite the cramped one-bedroom apartment he pined after so often. It was all very clean and organized, too. That was probably what she spent all day doing—cleaning and organizing instead of giving him breakfast. What else did biochemists do in their offtime? Play chess? Read philosophy? Solve world hunger?

“I guess I can’t keep you in the dark forever.” Heather continued walking, then stopped in the living room doorway. “The exit’s this way. Down this room. Don’t take it as an invitation to escape.”

They entered the living room. The sofas were pretty, the rugs white and fluffy, the tables impressive. It was a picture out of one of those home decor magazines. Industrial post-modern, or something complicated like that. Ridiculous, the beauty of it all, especially when compared to Jackie’s old apartment. He would have honestly loved to live there, if he was under different circumstances. It was an awful lot of wealth for one person. Heather probably never had to skip meals to pay rent. Heather probably never felt afraid of ending up on the streets, or having to take out loans she couldn’t possibly pay back. 

A rose lay dead in a blue and white vase, its stalk drooping over the edge. Curtains obscured a window near the back. There was a telephone on the coffee table—that could be useful. A selection of books had been stuffed into a bookshelf. Baseball trophies had been halfheartedly stowed away beside them, cluttered in neat rows. Baseball? What a thought. Heather did have a good aim with the saw—maybe she’d been imagining a diamond instead of the bleak basement, rolling green instead of asbestos white. 

Turning a corner, he could see the door leading to the outside, and a closet beside it. Heather slid it open and unhooked a black coat. Jackie watched her pull it on. It was a little thick for the weather. They were still in summer, weren’t they? The last date he could recall was the twenty-first of July. How long had Jackie been there? Couldn’t have been more than a few weeks. A month at best. Or at worst, Jackie supposed.

“What’s the date?” he asked as she wore her gloves. Black, like his, but made of leather instead of cotton.

“October… something. Can’t remember the exact day.”

“Ha, ha. Seriously, what’s the date?”

She absently dusted off the front of her jacket. “It’s definitely October. Are you ready to go?”

“I’m ready to go home. Good Lord.” He rubbed the side of his face. “It’s been three months? Four months?”

“Something like that.” 

She unlocked the door, then opened it with a small jerk. Four months? Just like that, gone like dust in the wind, flicked away like nothing more than an old scab. Sixteen weeks or so, and nothing to show for it. Past the door—it had snowed. His breath hitched in his throat. Sheets of even white covered every surface he could see outside, going on for miles. The trees guarded their bare limbs with icicles. Good Lord. Good grief. Last time he’d been out, he remembered warm, dry spells, maybe the occasional cool breeze. This was… a lot. 

Better not to dwell on it. “Can I have a coat?”

“No.” Heather stepped out the door, then turned to face him. “Do you want to know why?”

“Because you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you.” She placed her hands into her pockets. As her head turned away, a puff of frozen air blossomed from her lips. “If you don’t have a coat, you won’t try to run away. That’s all. Even immortals get cold, and we’re about five miles from anyone else. You won’t make that distance without going unconscious.”

It was clever, which only made Jackie more upset. “Maybe I won’t go unconscious. You don’t know.”

She shrugged. “You can try to run, if you want. But I’m never bringing you outside again if you do. I don’t have to bring you outside at all. Get the body for me, will you?”

“Fine.” He took the bag by the knot and hauled it out the door. Heather made it look effortless, but it was a struggle for him. At last, the body fell across the snow with a crash. It sank into the surface under its own weight, leaving a staggered mark across the ground. 

Heather said nothing, but she took the bag before he could continue struggling with it. She dragged it forward with a casual, easy motion. Jackie’s face grew red, and not just from the weather. 

“What are you waiting for?” she asked, gesturing forward with a nod. 

“It’s too cold. There’s snow out there. I can’t go without a coat.”

She rolled her eyes and took his wrist. “You’ve got a sweater on. You’ll survive. Don’t be such a baby.”

He wrenched his wrist free and stepped into the snow. To say he was wearing warm clothes was a bit of an overstatement. The sweater hadn't even withstood the chill in his room. At least he had his boots. As much as he hated to admit it, Heather's gift had come in handy. If he treaded carefully, he could manage to keep snow from falling in them. 

"What's your plan, then?" Heather asked.

Every step they took landed with a dry crunch. A steady path began to trail behind them. "Sorry?"

"You said you wanted to help. That’s why I brought you here. So?"

A plan. He assumed that Heather already had one. His plan was whatever Heather wanted to do. Evidently, she didn’t actually think that far ahead, so he’d have to be the clever one this time. The clever Houdini, the sly fox, the crow in the cornfield. 

There was that book Jackie had read. It was the only body disposal he’d ever come across. They left their victim in a mountain valley, where the snow covered up any trace of it until summer arrived two months later. By that time, the evidence had already decomposed, or been eaten by the coyotes. 

“What if we leave the body under the snow?” he suggested.

“No. The snow is going to melt soon. I won’t be able to explain why a dead body is lying on my front lawn.”

They walked a couple more paces in silence. Like the gait of marching soldiers, their footsteps fell in staggered tandem. He shivered. Nearby, a red bird startled off a branch and darted into the trees.

It was a picturesque scene. It was the kind of landscape that made people want to climb impossible mountains and swim to unreasonable depths. Everything glittered white. The sun seared a white-hot hole in the sky, small as a cigarette scar. The silence was interrupted only by their footsteps and thin breathing. The whole place had a hollow feeling about it, like reliving a memory. The horizon was as flat as a photograph. No wind raked across the trees.

Jackie glanced over his shoulder at the house. It was painfully normal. A normal, innocent home with no secrets nestled inside, in the basement or otherwise. The edge of Heather’s car was just visible, a thin black outline against the ashen whites. When he glanced forwards, he could see no other buildings. However, he did see plumes of smoke pouring out in the distance. Telephone wires crossed and tangled into each other overhead. And he was sure that, if he just kept walking, he’d eventually find something tangible. Some highway or backwoods road—a payphone, at the very least. All those structures taken for granted.

He couldn’t keep walking, in any case, because Heather had stopped. 

“Found something?” He stepped up to her side. 

“The river. Can you see it?”

He could not. It was all a flat carpet of snow, with a few rises and dips here and there. This was one of those dips, a great and stretching valley about five feet wide, two feet deep, and who knew how long. They were now in what could be considered a forest, albeit a thin one. The trees loomed over them, lanky, threadbare branches and ink-splatter silhouettes, and a couple overgrown firs. A few dry leaves stuck out here and there, like bits of meat on a cured hide. The woods went on for a while, but the chainlink-gray fences closed in alongside it, studded along the snow not too far away.

“I’ve no idea why it’s so cold.” She played with the top button of her coat and looked away, to the pale horizon. “It’s usually not this cold.”

“Do you own all this land?”

She shook her head. “Nobody comes here, but I’m not allowed to build on it. It’s government property.”

“But you own the house?”

Heather glanced at him, eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. “Yes. Why?”

She probably thought he was planning some grand escape involving property laws. In all honesty, he only wanted to speak to her. Not to her specifically, but he needed to have a normal human interaction, and she was the only one around. “Just curious. Why did we stop at the river?”

“To throw the body in there.” She stepped forwards, over a short and sloping ridge. With her shoe, she scraped the snow off the ground. Ice shined through underneath, like scar-skin against the light, visible through a narrow arc where her heel had pushed. “They’ll think he drowned. Probably. Maybe we should take the bag off first…”

“I guess we could do that.” He shivered again, tried not to let it stutter his words. “Or, better idea, we could go with my plan.”

“Your plan is objectively not good.”

Yes, that was kind of the point. He wanted the police to find out. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and where you find a dead body, there’s likely a missing person or two nearby. The cops would have no problem putting the pieces together. The only issue would be getting Heather to go along with it—she wasn’t as oblivious as he’d hoped—but it was worth a shot, anyhow.

He stepped forwards as well, right over the ridge. “We can’t. The lake’s frozen.”

“Break the ice, then.”

“You break it.” He nudged her a bit on the shoulder. “You’re stronger than me. Apparently.”

A small, barely amused smile appeared on her lips. Her cheeks and nose had been flushed a pretty shade of frostnip pink, a rosewood kind of color to break up the endless white fields. “It’s okay, you know. I’m not expecting you to lift elephants.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He let out a short breath, watched it crystallize as it coiled and wisped. He peeled back the edge of his glove. His hands had gone a violent shade of bloody fuchsia at the joints, the rest of his skin ashen and brittle as the bare branches. He bit at the edge of his dry lips. The cold stuck to his teeth.

“If you insist," she said at last.

She stomped down hard on the ice. The first time, cracks split across the surface. The second time, a significant chunk broke off—she had to stagger back to avoid falling in. By the third time, the hole had become big enough to fit the body through. Water rushed past at a steady pace. He could hear its faint warbling, all its hushed whispers beneath the snow. 

She tapped his shoulder. “Roll the body in.“

“I have to do it?” He tore his gaze away from the frothing river to stare at her. 

“Yes. I’m sure you’ll manage.” She lifted the black-bagged corpse off the ground, then handed it to him. The plastic crackled in his hands. “Don’t forget to remove the bag.”

He refrained from arguing any further and untied the knot at the top. He positioned the body at a downward angle, then shook the garbage bag until it slid in. It took a few pushes of his boot to get it to go all the way, what with the dead man’s crooked limbs and wide shoulders, but the water eventually swallowed it whole. 

They watched the river writhe for a while.

Heather pulled up her gloves. “Care for a swim?”

He laughed once, dry and short. “That’d be a fun experiment.”

“Just throwing you in there?”

“Sure.”

The river rose and fell, over and over into itself. 

“This is good snow,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s crunchy. Packing snow. You can hear it.” She kicked a bit of snow, as if to demonstrate. “You can feel it, too. The ground doesn’t get powdery.”

He kicked the snow as well. “What’s it good for?” 

“Building. Building snowmen, I mean. Snowballs. Maybe a snow angel.”

“Snow fort?’

“Why not.”

Jackie knelt down to gather a clump of snow in his fist. His gloves became unpleasantly damp, but he continued. By clasping his hands together, he formed a rough ball. Its surface was mottled and uneven, but it didn’t fall apart when he pulled his hands away.

The trunk of a spindly tree lurked a few feet from where they stood. With one eye closed, he swung his arm back and aimed. Jackie threw the snowball as hard as he could. The momentum of the motion made him almost stumble, though he caught himself before he could plummet downwards.

The snowball burst apart, not quite at the center of the trunk, but closer to its edge. A large chunk had fallen to the ground, the rest of it stuck to the bark in a splattered mess. 

“Not bad.” He shook his hands out. “You should try. You play baseball, don’t you? I saw those trophies.”

She made a mildly disapproving face. “Not anymore.”

“But you used to. Did you really win all those games?”

Heather shrugged. “We should go back inside.”

Back inside. Back to being locked in. There was no sunshine, out there in the snow, but it was better than back inside. “Do we have to?”

She glanced back at the house. “Aren’t you hungry?”

He was. But only a little. “It can wait. I’ll survive, right?”

“Right.”

He took another clump of snow, made another snowball, then handed it to her. “Go on, then.”

“I’m better at batting.”

“I believe you. But you’ve got to try! At least once.”

“Fine.” She drew a foot back, aimed, waited for a single split second.

When she let go, her throw was much gentler than Jackie’s. It landed a perfect bull’s eye on the trunk. The snow fell down the bark in a staggered line.

“That’s it?” Jackie grinned. “No wonder you quit baseball.”

“Oh, shut it.” She looked away—Jackie could tell she was stifling a smile. 

“No, really. I bet I could do better.” 

“Could you?”

“Watch this.” He gathered the snow, then threw it. The ball landed several strides away from his target. 

“That’s better?” Heather couldn’t hide her smile now. 

“Hey, I almost had it!” He gathered another lump of snow. By this point, the ground around them had been mangled to a cluster of white-gray potholes, turned over like plowed soil.

He tried again. Another snowball landed and completely missed the mark. Heather was practically beaming now. Even if she was mocking him, he liked this side of her, the Heather who didn’t threaten to rip out his various body parts. Low bar, but that was the territory when it came to being held captive.

To his surprise, she stepped closer, then took his hand. “You’re not aiming right. Here—“ She gently nudged his shoulders to one side. “You’re standing straight on, but you’ve got to be at an angle. Push your right leg back.”

He followed her instructions. “Am I doing it right?”

“Close enough.” 

“You show-off.”

She gave him a friendly shove. “You idiot.”

“Hey, that’s not true.” He felt his face flush with warmth. Partly due to embarrassment, as she was standing very close to him, and partly due to happiness. “I’m smart enough. I can speak French, you know. I did four years in high school.”

“Really? Say something.” Her grasp was still firmly on his arm. 

“Aidez-moi, j'ai été enlevé.”

“What does that mean?”

“Uh… I like your eyes?”

“Oh, shut up.” She laughed, pushed him a little harder. 

Jackie laughed too, then pushed her back.

In fact, he pushed her a little too hard. She tripped over a branch, then fell backwards into the snow. His breath hitched in his lungs.

Like a fallen bird from the nest, she lay there, gracefully sprawled across the ground. Her hair was spread out all around her, like the fanned wings of a crow. Where the snow made contact, her skin had gone redder and rawer than usual. 

She ran a hand over her face to wipe it off, and Jackie’s terror returned, all at once, for whatever reason. Maybe it reminded him too much of the spit she’d swept away with her sleeve, after the vivisection. The small show of defiance that got him crushed to pieces, like an eggshell in the palm of her hand, like an insect under her heel. 

He stepped back, eyes wide, waiting for the gun to inevitably go off. “Heather, I—I didn’t mean—“

Instead, she laughed again. It was a genuine laugh, warm and brilliant, not a manic cackle, not a mocking scoff, not a killer’s howl. Just a laugh, and they were just having fun. It was a joke. To her, and to him, if need be. If he couldn’t be the Houdini right now, then he’d be her friend. The perfect prop.

False alarm, then. The revolver had drawn a blank. Click, click. He cleared his throat and managed a weak smile. 

“Oh God, Jackie, you’re…” What he was remained unclear. She trailed off and rubbed at her eyes. Then, she lifted from the snow, clumps of white falling away like water off her back. “It’s getting dark. We should go inside.”

That was true: the brisk shades of dusk were beginning to settle. “Sure. Yes. Let’s go back inside.”

Jackie gave one last glance to the river. He wondered where the stranger would end up. Nearby, in some swelling eddy? In the crook of a branch? Would he sink to the riverbed? Would he break apart under the gravel, or would he end up somewhere farther? Somewhere darker, somewhere colder, foreign land. A place where there was nobody to miss him, nobody to mourn for him. But Jackie could never forget him. Those images were too vivid. Every time he felt the rush of a river in his chest: that October snow, that sky without end.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Taglist:

@theelvishcowgirl

@lthrboy

@whumpy-wyrms

[rabble-dabble]

its anger until they learn its a father. "men are like that," she told me, when he's still sleeping his blackout from last night off and she's been awake since six that morning. "they never admit to their feelings."

i've learned all the bad things to look out for. they gaslight reality into their version of things, strangers on the internet say, until the memory becomes true and the victim doubts their own sanity. i can't remember who started the arguement but somehow, i'm always wrong. i thought, maybe, i was just too immature to understand, too young to get why he was so cruel to me. you and your generation are so sensitive, he told me over and over again. you're so sensitive, it was just a joke. i cried in his arms when i reported my mom to cps, scared of her reaction, scared she'd come after me despite living thousands of miles away. the joke was me acting like my mom. you need help, he told me - the same man who screamed in my face with booze breath about how maybe i deserved what i got. maybe i deserved what i got - the same man who held me at birth and told me about my big bright eyes - and i am the reason i am so broken. get help, yells the same man who told me he went to therapy and got 'fixed'. i have been in therapy for six months.

my therapist tells me to move on - i should clarify, she's actually a counsler, a kind woman who i see every two weeks. "what do you want from this relationship?" she asks me. "my brother and i, we used to be at each others throats, and then when we got older-" i listen to how she found peace with her siblings. she doesn't mention her parents. i think about my brother, who got the worst of the abuse, and how we haven't talked in a while. "i want an apology, i want a sorry, i want a father," i tell her, crying as i remember my dad screaming at me. "it doesn't sound like he's the type of person who will give that to you," she responded.

we talk about expectations vs. reality. is this my fate? is this my world, to never expect recogniztion for what happened to me? "you need to let it go, it happened over six months ago," my aunt says. her husband won't put his food away before leaving to hunt. he leaves his trash on the counter, which she throws away as she shakes her head and throws another chore on her ever growing list of things to take care of. "i know your father. his behavior is in his namesake. you expect him to change, but he will never change." he is in his fourties. a grown man who is not even halfway through life; i turn 21 this year, and last year on my birthday he called me a bitch for not calling my mom while i was going to the movies with my best friend. i bought my own birthday cake, and he made me feel guilty for asking him to pick it up as if it was too much of a chore for him. he hadn't taken me to the dmv to get my license so i could legally start driving. "stop trying to change your father." change him? i am asking for the bare minimum. i am asking for a person who is supposed to love me to love me kindly. i asked him if we could get therapy together. he told me no.

my counsler said i was stuck between wanting a relationship and needing to move on. "you need to find peace." but i don't know if i will find the peace she means - every male figure i have seen has been given every reason not to try harder. my mother's boyfriend didn't look after his own kids, even when i had to leave school to wash my baby sister after she vomitted from a fever. my dad never brought in the groceries, just sat in a chair drinking mike's lemonade while he watched me and my stepmom and two stepsisters bring in the bags and put it all away. my aunt's husband made their dog have puppies recently- and my aunt is exhausted from taking care of them, despite not wanting them. what peace is there to find here? to find peace with how the world "works", with how these men will do anything to be incompetent to their partners? to their families? i am just angry. i don't want to find peace in these situations! these women deserve better. i deserve better. but i am told i can do nothing to change it- i am merely the child of a father. worse- i was born a daughter, a servant; a peacemaker. "i am angry!" i told my therapist. "it's not fair!"

"i know," she says. i cry and think about an apology i will never get. all men are- i have heard this over and over. i do not want to be the person who finds peace in this broken machine, in those broken words. i want to tear it all down, piece by piece, until there are no more 'all men are'. i want to be angry, i want to be vicious, to snarl back as i refuse to be another victim finding peace with this standard of incompetent men. they can do better, i scream to the machine, tearing at rusting metal with my hardened hands, hold them accountable, for the love of god, be angry!

if i'm to find peace i want to do it bloodsoaked. if i have to find peace with no remorse then i will do it with sharp claws and teeth, with gentle hands but an aware mind. i do not want to find peace with dull contempt, i want to find it with the knowledge i will not allow my life to be dictated by this low standard. my dad tells me you will never truly be a real man. i tell him with a smile, at least i won't be a man like you.

[fromaliminalspace]

1-5, 14, 21 for the year end asks :3

hi, thank you so much for asking, really!! and apologizes in advance for such long answers, as you can see, i'm just being “a bit” indecisive, hopefully I won't bore you too much with it!

1. Song of the year?

(for real, why such a seemingly simple question turned out to be the most difficult one. it's impossible to choose just one!)

czxcohjkhv okay, the first to come to mind is "Stargazer" by Rainbow, so gonna go with it. the drum intro, the sheer onomatopoeia that Ronnie's vocal approach always is, the astonishing guitar solo that practically spoilers the plot by being so evocative as well, the fucking intensity that this song is overflowing with??? I can never be normal about it, just can't. about their “Catch the Rainbow” (live 1977 Munich version specifically) neither. most ethereal ballad ever (and nope, Blackmore's solos don't even ruin the “balladiness” of it, just add to the vibe).

out of Black Sabbath's songs, i'm very much torn between Children of the Sea, Die Young, The Sign of the Southern Cross, After All (The Dead), Time Machine, Sins of the Father. and out of Dio's own stuff — Like the Beat of a Heart, My Eyes, Evil on Queen Street, Evilution, As Long As It's Not About Love, Shame on the Night. hhhng they're all too good, how am I supposed to choose anything, even one per band.

when it comes to music that doesn't have anything to do with RJD (yeah, I have been listening to it this year. sometimes), I still can't get enough of Queensrÿche's “Take Hold of the Flame” (especially live in Tokyo 1984). *in loud whisper* but also “The Story of One Sky” by Dimash, “Until It Sleeps” by Metallica (whoops accidentally became obsessed with it years after first hearing it), “Incense and Myrrh” by Arch/Matheos, and “Between Two Worlds” by Uriah Heep. (can you tell how tricky it is to choose just one..?) and out of this actual year's releases (but tbh I haven't really been keeping up) most memorable was Liliac's “Carousel” or Metallica's “Screaming Suicide”.

and the most satisfying one to play on guitar is definitely “the Last in Line”, it's a literal dopamine feast for my brain for some reason.

2. Album of the year?

have admittedly been listening more to live performances than to studio recordings this year so it'd be easier to just list specific concerts but gonna try pick a latter one after all. actually I think the album i've most often listened to from start to finish is “Lock up the Wolves”, it just flows very nicely in its entirety. the second place would likely be the masterpiece that is “Heaven and Hell”. as for the album that's made me spin it in my head most intensely it's “Magica” bc it's a concept one but in the least straightforward manner possible.

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

my most prominent discovery of the year was probably Fates Warning (and their more modern incarnation Arch/Matheos), I believe. or Jethro Tull (and nope, I legit haven't even heard about them until recently, what of it).

but there's also a musician who's basically defined this year for me and whose voice i've been listening to almost daily (and who probably needs no introduction at this point). I have by no means only started listening to him this year though (c'mon, Blind Guardian cover of “Don't Talk to Strangers” was literally one of the very first songs to get me into metal in the first place; and my most favorite Sabbath song, back when I didn't give a damn about different lineups and was just vibing to the songs I liked most regardless of their albums, was from the Dio era). the difference is that only last December I first heard a live recording of his voice and was overwhelmed by the unparalleled level of intensity in it. bc ultimately his magic is so much more than just his voice, it's the laser-pointed intention behind every single word and the multi-layered thought-provoking lyrics and the everything hiding between the lines and the neverending love and generosity. it's not even sth easily convertible into words so i'd probably better stop being insufferable about him right here and now but the point is that Ronnie has had such a huge impact on my life that goes beyond anything that I ever thought any musician or even just anyone who i've never technically gotten to meet would be capable of having. but this impact has in fact helped heal sth very deep down so just... yeah.

4. Movie of the year?

i'll probably go with “predestination” (2014). there's just sth very intricate in all the levels of meaning in that movie, and especially in the way the main character is queer and their queerness is used of all things as a metaphor for quite a lot of interesting stuff. ngl I do have some issues with this movie but honestly considering that the short story it's based on was written in the fucking 50s and was still focusing on it is impressive already despite its flaws (also I love how the movie extrapolated and expanded on the original premise).

the most rewatched movie this year though would definitely be the “dreamers never die” documentary, no contest here (not crying at the very end of it is a challenge I always fail tbh).

oh and a honorable mention to “Nimona”, really loved that one.

5. TV show of the year?

realized only now that I haven't really watched lots of tv shows this year, huh. I think the only thing I did watch was the second season of “shadow and bone” and that's it, even though there's lots of other stuff i've been meaning to catch up with.

14. Favorite book you read this year?

answered there!

21. What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

hmm i've got a new pin board, does it count?? it's bigger than my old one (and made from a different material, which turned out to be better) but i'm somehow already running out of space on it XD it was nice though to rearrange everything on it in a more systematic way rather than just slapping new bits of paper onto whenever I found a free spot (and to add Silvy's gifts there💜).

another new (like. literally last week new) thing is actually on my computer but it's sth i've been wishing for for literal years so it gets a mention anyway and it's an amp simulator. bc to be able to just plug my guitar in and build up the sound I want from scratch (well, not necessarily, there are tons of presets, it's just a very rare one that sounds well enough with solos imho) and have so much control over it, even over how much distortion I get depending on how hard I hit the strings? it's divine, i'm telling you. took me a while to figure out what exactly I need but damn, it's just so freaking awesome

[unseededtoast]

Rectify | Bucky Barnes

Part 21/37 | Part Twenty, Part Twenty Two

Summary: I've lived every day for the past five years looking over my shoulder. I knew they'd come for me, it was inevitable. I was foolish to think I could outrun my past. It's followed me everywhere I go, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Never would I have anticipated that the shadows would lead me to the light.

Bucky Barnes x OC

Series Warnings: Discussion of human trafficking, alcohol consumption, graphic depictions of violence, sexual content, discussion of suicidal thoughts.

a/n: Hi everyone, thank you for checking this out, I appreciate any and all support! This series is also posted on Ao3 and Wattpad if you prefer those formats/platforms! This is a completed series, and it's going to take some time for me to transfer it to Tumblr, so please bear with me!

"Tony is going to be the reason for his own downfall. I can't let him be the reason for mine."

I open my eyes and find myself alone in the bed. I rub my eyes and sit up, remembering I fell asleep in Bucky's arms. I look around the room, noticing I'm not in mine because there aren't clothes strewn about. I blink the fogginess away and see Bucky over on the couch looking out the window. He hears me moving around and looks back, smiling. 

"Good morning." His raspy morning voice softly fills the room. I stretch my arms and smile back,

"Good morning Bucky. You know you could've made me get up and go to my own room right? I didn't mean to make you sleep on the couch." I say and get out of his bed. I go join him on the couch as he shrugs,

"I could've but you were tired. You've been spending twelve or more hours in the lab a day I knew you needed the sleep. Plus, the couch isn't bad." He says and pats the armrest. A part of me is disappointed he left to sleep on the couch, but I know I set a boundary and he's respecting it.

"Each hour spent there is an hour closer that I am to finding the answer." I say knowing I should be going to the lab soon to start the day. I don't even know what time it is but I feel like Bruce and Tony are already there, they're extremely early risers. However, spending some more time with Bucky would be nice.

"Do you really think it's possible?" He asks meeting my eyes. 

"I do. I'm going to find a way to make it work." I say, knowing that I'm definitely on the right track. 

"Thank you." He looks away from me and to the ground. I put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, and we sit in silence. After a short moment, Bucky sits up straight and I bring my hand back to my lap.

"Excited for the party tomorrow?" He asks with a smile on his face once more.

"Yeah I totally can't wait. I sure do love parties." I say, rolling my eyes.

"Steve and I are going to help set up for it I think." He says. 

"Well if you figure out how many people there are going to be, let me know." I sigh, feeling anxious about the possibility of a lot of people showing up.

"Will do." He says and stands from the couch. I take it as a sign I should also get up and start the day. We walk out of the room together and I go to my own as he goes to the elevator to start his party planning business. 

I get a quick shower and feel myself waken even more, feeling less groggy and more attentive. I rush through the rest of my morning routine. I don't like that Bruce and Tony may have been alone in the lab for hours without me, who knows what they could've done. I take the elevator down to the lab and I'm frozen in my tracks as I make my way through the lab. 

I watch in both awe and terror as I see one of our hosts on the lab table. The small humanoid creation is walking around and answering their questions. I slowly approach the table and watch what's happening. 

"Remarkable isn't it?" Bruce asks me as I stand beside him. 

"When did you do this?" I ask, staring at the small host that's looking around at the environment.

"About an hour ago." I can't even feel mad because I'm baffled that they were able to do this so quickly. 

"How?" I ask, tearing my eyes away from the creation and looking to Bruce, 

"We copied the framework from the stone and uploaded a copy of Jarvis into the matrix. From there we installed it on a microchip and wired it into the host." I look back to the table and see Tony staring at the creation like a proud father. 

Curiosity gets the better of me and I walk up to the table and the host walks up to me. 

"Good morning, Adalyn. I hope you had a restful night in James Barnes' room." I choke on my spit as the small host speaks in Jarvis' voice. I step back from the table, seeing both Tony and Bruce staring at me. 

"You stayed in Bucky's room?" Tony asks, smirk on his face. I shake my head,

"It's not like that. Plus how did that even know?" I ask, not understanding how it could've possibly known since a copy of Jarvis was uploaded. A copy of Jarvis would be unattached from the original, not being continuously updated.

"Oh we just uploaded Jarvis into the matrix about two hours ago." I nod my head. I know the original Jarvis would never announce my personal business like that, it must be the evolution of the framework. Or at least, that's what I'm convincing myself of. 

"Does Steve know?" Bruce asks, going along with Tony's pestering. 

"I don't think so, and even if he did it's not a big deal. Bucky slept on the couch anyways, we have an agreed upon boundary." I say, trying to downplay what happened so they drop it. The last thing I need is for Steve to get suspicious of us again.

"Sure, we'll go with that." Tony still has a smirk on his face. I bite the inside of my bottom lip, keeping myself from saying anything more.

"So tell me more about this." I say, wanting to divert the attention. 

"It's just like Bruce said. But we've noticed it's taken everything that Jarvis is and has taken it to the next level." Tony says, looking back to the host. 

"What do you mean by the next level?" I ask, wanting to be entirely on the same page. 

"It seems like this is synthesizing information quicker than Jarvis, it's quickly adapted to the host. We were about to run a diagnostic on it." Tony explains and I nod my head. 

"Is it safe to run a diagnostic on it? That means Jarvis, original Jarvis, would have to connect. Are you sure that's something we want to do? Can we just take the microchip out and inspect it that way?" I feel uneasy about connecting Jarvis to this seeing as how they said it's improved on Jarvis' abilities. 

"I don't think it'll do any harm, this way we can monitor what's happening in real time." Tony says, but I still think it's a bad idea.

"Tony, just hear me out. If we analyze this right now and connect Jarvis to it, then it opens a pathway for this to connect to Jarvis giving potential for this to take root in Jarvis. We need to keep Jarvis separated and pure, we don't know what this can evolve into." I want to do this the safest way possible and I'm starting to think Tony wants to sabotage himself. 

"That's actually a good point." Bruce chimes in, crossing his arms. 

"We should've just done this while she wasn't here." Tony remarks. My eyebrows shoot up, fire flowing through my veins. 

"I'm sorry you feel like I'm trying to hinder your work, I'm just trying to keep you from making a catastrophic mistake. I think you're making rash decisions that aren't well thought out. We should be taking a scientific approach, a calculated approach. Your technology is a valuable asset and we cannot, should not, be taking any chances that may compromise it." I say, trying to keep my cool. Am I the only one seeing the faults in Tony's decision making? I look to Bruce, seeing if he's going to back me up, but I see he's going to stay out of this. 

"My technology is my property and I can make any decision I want regarding it. I think you're scared to take the chance. This can be the gateway for the Ultron protocol, world security. A suit of armor across the world." Tony walks closer to me. 

"If this can be the gateway why jeopardize it by making poor decisions?" I challenge him. 

"Why delay it?" He shoots back. I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach, like he's decided he's going to do this either way. 

"I think you should take a walk, think it over. You're right, it is your tech." I say, realizing I need to create a safeguard for myself and the research I'm doing. Tony brushes past me on his way out, and as soon as the elevator doors close I look to Bruce.

"I need you to act like you're not seeing this." I say as I make my way over to the lab's computers. I open a drawer and find two flash drives. I know I don't have much time to do this, I have to be quick. 

"What are you doing?" Bruce asks. I type on the computers as I answer,

"I'm making a copy of Jarvis, and a copy of the gem's framework. Tony said himself that this framework has evolved from just being Jarvis, it's performing better. I'm just thinking that we don't know the full capacity this framework has, what it can evolve to when given more technology and material to work with. If we have this, we have a backup." I say as I download the programs onto the flash drive. 

"I don't think Tony will like this." Bruce says, scratching the back of his neck. 

"Tony is going to be the reason for his own downfall. I can't let him be the reason for mine." I say.

"The reason for your downfall?" Bruce questions.

"Like I said yesterday, I think I've figured out a way to use this technology to help Bucky. I can't risk losing that because of what Tony decides." I say. 

"Do you think you're being too critical?" Bruce questions. I look away from the computers and to Bruce,

"I don't think I'm being critical enough. The first day he met me he accused me of being a Hydra operative. Things got a little better, but then this came along and I think we're back to square one and he's hellbent on making this mistake." I say and take the flash drives out of the computer and put them in my pocket. 

"Listen, I agree with you. I think Tony is being too hasty in all of this. I'll try my best to hold him off, but I don't know if either of us can, I think he's made up his mind." I nod my head, agreeing with Bruce. 

"I fear the consequences if this doesn't turn out well." I say.

"What do you think could happen?" Bruce asks. I sigh,

"If we're right and this did give the siblings their powers, that means it has potential to alter a mind on a whim, for better or worse. If it can evolve beyond Jarvis, that means we can lose control of it. If we lose control then we're at the will of this creature, whatever it is. We shouldn't be gambling with something of this magnitude." I look back at the host creature on the table which is still looking around the environment, giving me an uneasy feeling. 

"This is bigger than I could've imagined." Bruce rubs his temples, soaking in what I just explained. 

"Bruce, if this goes south I have to do what's best for Bucky. I won't stick around to help Tony clean up the mess, I can't." I know I've made up my mind. If Tony goes forward with connecting the framework with Jarvis, I'm going to leave with Bucky. Steve will probably follow, it's just in his nature to be where Bucky is.

"I know, that's okay. It's human nature to protect the ones you love." He says, a tenderness to his voice I've never heard before. I'm glad he understands. 

"Thank you, Bruce." I say, knowing I'm thanking him for more than just understanding. 

"Of course. Let me try to stall him on making this decision, talk some reason into him. It's probably best you stay away from him until I can talk to him." I nod, agreeing. 

"Okay, I'll give you some time. I wish you all the luck in the world, Bruce." I say and grab the papers I wrote my plans on, folding and tucking them into my pocket as well. I walk to the elevator and go the second floor. 

Quickly,  I put the flash drives and papers into the top drawer, next to the red book. If everything goes to hell I want to be able to grab all of this quickly. I go back to the main floor and see both Bucky and Steve. The two stop talking as I walk in,

"Are you okay? You look a little pale." Steve says as I walk over to them. 

"Oh, yeah I'm fine." I say, not wanting to raise alarm just yet. I'm going to give Bruce time to talk to Tony before I say anything to them about what's going on.

The two continue talking about parties in the 1940s, and I unintentionally drown them out as my mind wanders. I hope Tony doesn't go through with what he wants. If things do go wrong, and the consequences are disastrous I'm not sure where we could go. I feel like I'm so close to the answer, but it could all crumble depending on what Tony decides. Steve walks off somewhere, leaving Bucky and I alone. 

"What's wrong?" Bucky's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. 

"Oh, nothing I'm just thinking about the party tomorrow." I lie, hoping he buys it. 

"There's going to be about one hundred people here." He says. I try to take my mind off the pressing matter at hand and give Bucky my full attention, 

"Are you going to try to steal Steve's dance partner?" I tease him. He shakes his head, a smile on his face. 

"Why would I do that when I've got the best dance partner already?" I laugh a little, 

"I know you're not talking about me." I say, knowing I dance like I was born with two left feet. Bucky shrugs his shoulders,

"I'm only talking about you." He says. I smile softly, meeting his eyes. 

His baby blues always make me feel weak, I know I would do anything for him. In a way I'm looking forward to the party, it'll give me an excuse to be close to him again. I crave to be close to him all the time. I know there will be many people here tomorrow, and I know I'll only have eyes for one. The same one who I know I'll never be able to have. A selfish part of me hopes there's nobody there that catches his eye, but if there is I know I can't interfere. I was the one who set the boundary though I find myself wanting to break it every day. 

The way he held me last night sealed the deal. He was so gentle and comforting, just as he is most of the time, but last night was different and I can't quite figure out why. He held me close as I drifted asleep, providing a feeling of safety. The way he massaged my shoulders as I sat between his legs was intimate. I love and cherish those little moments we share. 

Maybe once the programming is obsolete there will be a possibility. I may be holding onto false hope, but I find myself yearning for him more every day, my feelings becoming more profound. He's the only one who will ever understand what I went through at Hydra, and I'm the only one who will fully understand what he went through. Even if he decides he doesn't want me like that, I know I'll be content with being in his life in any capacity. Although my heart will continue to desire the feeling of his lips on my forehead, his strong arms around my body. 

[strangerthingfanfic]

Chapter 1: Billy

Dec. 20, 1984

Billy heard his father's footsteps heading his way. At that moment he was glad Max was at Lucas's house, she was safe.

Closing his eyes Billy let half his conscious wonder to his safe place. A place he found when he was just five years old trying to escape the pain his father caused.

He was still able to placate his father's enjoyment of screaming though due to his ability to separate his consciousness into two.

The room was pale white and had a bed. His uncle, Martin, usually came by unless he was busy but he could always count on his uncle's friend, Henry to be there.

He was a rock that he didn't have in the open world. He wished he knew where Henry and his uncle were but they said it was safer he didn't know.

And just like he thought Henry came in as soon as he arrived and sat next to him. “It's ok William, this is a safe place, talk to me”.

Billy started telling him about being forced to move from California to a small town called Hawkins and how his dad has become more violent towards him and more demanding.

“Henry, all I want is to come live with you and Uncle Martin with my sister, Max, and be safe,” Billy said, his tears soaking into Henry's shirt.

“There there William, soon you shall be free of his cruelty as will Max” Henry started to say when Max's voice rang through the room “Billy wake up don't die”. Then came a male voice saying that he is on life support and only time will tell.

Billy brushed away tears and stood up. “Thanks for being here Henry but I have to go,” Henry thought about grabbing Billy's arm but thought again.

The kid was strong, much stronger than an average person his age. He needed to be calm and wait for him to see that he is the only person who cares.

Dec. 21, 1984

Billy groaned trying to sit up. “Mr. Hargrove please don't try to move, you're seriously injured” the doctor said in shock.

He stopped trying to get up but when he opened his eyes and saw nothing that panic mode switched back on.

“Billy it's Max, Neil threw Clorox in your eyes for some reason and the doctors aren't sure you'll get your vision back but if I know you, you will,” Max said through tears.

Taking in deep breaths Billy knew he had to calm himself for Max.

“You're right Maxy, I don't need to see to be better than Harrington at shit. Yeah Harrington I smelled you're cheap cologne” Billy sarcastically said trying to hide his own fear.

Steve groaned and said “glad to see you'll be alright Hargrove. Max is welcome to stay with me until you are better”.

“What about mom, Max?” Billy questioned confused with the offer.

“They arrested both of them Billy. Neither one can hurt you anymore. Max told me about how Neil beat on you and how Susan just let it happen” Steve answered with actual empathy in his voice.

Billy stayed quiet. He was trying to process everything going on. “Hey Maxy, could you let me talk to Stevie boy here alone for a few?” Billy finally asked as calmly as he could.

Max looked at Steve who nodded and said “sure thing Billy. I'll be right out in the waiting room with Mr. And Mrs. Harrington”.

Billy waited until he heard the door shut behind Max and then said weakly “Steve if something happens and I don't pull through there is an envelope of money in a hidden compartment in the top drawer of Max’s nightstand. I put a hundred dollars in there once a month from what I've been making as a swim teacher to young kids. There should be a good thousand or more in there. Please make sure they never get custody of her”.

“I promise Billy but I know your to stubborn to let this be what takes you out” Steve joked trying to lighten the mood. “Plus, if you die now, how am I going to win the title of keg king back from you” Steve said and they both laughed.

Dec. 25, 1984

Billy couldn't believe he was still in the hospital and still very much blind and unable to move very much even though the doctors were amazed at how well he had healed at this point.

Hearing the Christmas music made him think about the fact he was alone in a hospital bed on Christmas. He was used to Christmas being another excuse for his deadbeat dad to drink and beat him but at least when Max came into the picture he could make it special for her.

Not this year though. No matter what he was a screw-up this year. He hadn't been a good brother to Max and sure in the hell couldn't give her whatever Christmas the Harringtons were. When he saw them again he would talk to Mr. Harrington about legally adopting Max even though they had started the paperwork for him to do it.

He heard his room door creak open and multiple footsteps but no other noises.

“Who's there?” Billy asked in the most demanding tone he could.

“It's us Billy” Max said softly and Billy let himself relax. “Merry Christmas Billy” Max said as she took his hand in his.

“Merry Christmas Maxy” Billy replied holding back the tears that wanted to flow. “Sorry I couldn't do anything for you” Billy continued, the sadness echoing in his voice.

“Billy Hargrove is that defeat I hear in your voice” Steve mockingly with a slight laugh. “Have I finally beaten the reigning King of Hawkins”?

“Nah Harrington, you will know if I ever lie down in defeat. I'm just worried Max isn't having a great time having to listen to you try and sing carols” Billy retorted.

Max laughed and then said “I got the best Christmas gift ever this year Billy. Not only can those people never hurt you again but you are legally my dad. The papers came through yesterday”.

Max flung her arms around Billy when she finished and he could feel the teardrops on his arm.

Billy rubbed her back and tried to stay positive but all he could think of was how was he going to afford a place to live, food, and everything else she was going to need while he finished his last year in high school.

“Oh and you own the house and now have control of Neil's fortune,” Max said gleefully.

“The downside Hargrove, my parents have offered to be your guardians until you finish high school so we are gonna be living together for a while,” Steve said with a groan.

Billy tried to come up with a retort but couldn't so he just held on to Max.

The sound of a wheelchair coming into the room piqued his interest.

“Billy, you are coming home to spend the rest of Christmas with us” Mr. Harrington said.

With the help of a couple doctors they got Billy into the wheelchair and headed home.

Dec.26, 1984

Billy still couldn't believe how lucky they had become in just a few days. I mean except for being blind, Max now had a semblance of normalcy.

Max had gone out to try her new skateboard and see Lucas.

Billy was just relaxing on his bed when he heard someone approaching. He tried hard not to go into his protective state but it was harder than it seemed.

“Hey Billy wanna shoot some hoops” Steve asked suddenly. “I can't see how the hell am I gonna play ball” Billy grumbled.

Before anything more could be said, Steve had grabbed Billy’s arm and dragged him outside and put the ball in his hands.

“Now are you going to play or am I gonna woop you're ass on a forfeit” Steve mockingly said.

It worked and Billy started to dribble the ball and before stave knew what hit him he was flat on his ass on the driveway and Billy had scored.

“Plant you're feet, Steve,” Billy said and with precision, he found Steve's hand and helped him off the ground.

Meanwhile

Henry paced back and forth in the white room. He expected to see Billy again now that he had so many health issues but he didn't.

Brenner came in and put his hand on Henry’s shoulder. “Don't worry my boy, we will see him again. Now how about we head to the upside down and do some work” Brenner said smiling and Henry followed.

Chapter 2: Hello San Diego

The sun hit Billy's face and he knew they were in San Diego. Back in California.

It was what Billy needed after having to learn to navigate high school blind.

The hardest part was the braille. Surprisingly though Steve and Max also took the time to learn.

Steve had been his rock since the attack by Neil. Each day it was harder and harder to say goodbye for classes or goodnight when it came time for bed.

He was trusting someone, something he had never experienced before. He didn't mind Steve guiding him around new places or reading things like homework to him at home.

Billy also knew he felt something else for Steve. A warm feeling that made him want to just cuddle up beside him on the beach and lay there holding each other feeling the cool ocean breeze against their skin.

He was glad when Max told him that Steve said he would drive her, Lucas, and himself to California.

He was concerned about Max sharing a room with a boy but Steve was on top of it and got a suite with two rooms. He would share a room with Max while Steve bunked with Lucas.

Of course, Max and Lucas weren't too happy but they bit their tongues and agreed to the terms.

Honestly, he was upset as well because he wanted to share a room with Steve. But he was on vacation with him so he was happy and smiling.

Steve looked over at Billy and smiled. He liked Billy's smile and it was plastered on his face. He hadn't seen him smile like that since they started back at school.

Though the bullies were quick to stop bullying him when they found out he could still deliver an ass-kicking without his site. He even kept his spot on the basketball team.

He checked the rearview mirror and smiled at the site of Lucas and Max asleep with their heads on each other.

It was perfect. Kids in the back sleeping while he drove them to an amazing vacation. The one thing that confused him more than anything was that he was glad it was Billy who was next to him.

He never thought about being with a guy for a lifetime. He had slept with Tommy but that was more of a quick romance that fizzled out.

But now he wanted this to be forever. To be his life until he died peacefully next to Billy in old age.

Steve shook himself out of that daydream. He knew for a fact the big tough guy next to him was probably straighter than a ruler.

“Hey Harrington I might not be able to see but I can feel the car swerving a bit. Trying to get us all killed” Billy said, snapping him back to the task at hand, driving.

The rest of the trip to the hotel was quiet. Billy had placed his hand on Steve's knee when they swerved and was about to remove it when Steve placed his free hand on top. And there it stayed until they reached the hotel.

“Will you guys just kiss already?” Max said sleepily from the back seat.

Both men blushed scarlet red making the two in the back laugh.

Out of nowhere though Billy put his hand around Steve's head and pulled him in for a deep sensual kiss earning a gross echoing in the back seat.

When Billy was about to let go, Steve placed his hand behind Billy's head and held him there.

Neither man wanted to break the kiss but they both had to breathe and so they finally did.

“I knew it. You and Dustin owe me $20 bucks each” Max said laughing.

Billy and Steve laughed and ushered the two in where they got the keys to their suite and headed upstairs deciding after so long in the car they would bring stuff up later.

That night after they had food and the two kids called their friends back home the four of them just lounged in the common area until it was time for bed.

Billy gave Steve a tender kiss goodnight while Max and Lucas kissed each other good night and started to head to one of the rooms together.

But before Lucas and Max could go beyond the threshold, Steve took Lucas’s hand and guided him to their room.

Billy then had Max guide them to their room.

Both being met with grunts and pleas that fell on deaf ears.

“Tomorrow will be fun. We will see Argyle and then head to the beach where I can try to teach you three to surf” Billy said getting into his bed.

The light snoring from the other bed made him smile. He was glad she was finally getting some real sleep and God knew he needed some as well.

And with that Billy closed his eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep.

In the other room, Steve was reading a book that Robin had suggested while Lucas was working on a character sheet for their Dungeons and Dragons game.

Steve wished Robin could've joined them but he was also kind of glad none of the others did. He wanted this alone time with Billy.

“Does Billy not want me with Max? I don't think he likes me because I'm black” Lucas said out of nowhere.

Steve put down his book and sat up looking straight at Lucas.

“I'm not going to lie, that was an issue for him at first but he's grown to care for you. I hope the two of you can talk alone while on this trip.

He loves you with Max but neither of us are going to let two fourteen-year-olds sleep in the same room. We were that age once you know” Steve said ruffling Lucas’s hair.

“We wouldn't do that” Lucas argued but the look on Steve’s face said that conversation was over.

“Good night mom,” Lucas said sarcastically. “Good night son” Steve replied with a laugh and they both fell asleep.

[likelycatherinemay]

Diary 6/?

I thought it could go back in the bottle. When goes away for a while and you open the door again, I can't feel anything. How can no one notice? They aren't allowed to notice. If they notice, it would be the end of the carefully constructed reality of the world. It would be earth-shattering.

I want to be unmade. Dying is awful. It's awfully slow. It is agony every second. Razor. Skin. Razor. Skin. Blood. blank expression. Repeat. Agony. Class. Meeting. 'Why are you quitting?'

'My health,' my voice is shaking. I thought I didn't care anymore.

'What's your plan after this?'

'I'll figure it out."

"Well, you don't have much time before you graduate, so we're just worried about what you'll do after this."

'I'll figure it out.'

'Well, we'll have to rescind any benefits you were receiving.'

'ok.'

'Do you have any questions?'

no.

'Coordinate with X about turning in your gear.'

'ok, thank you.'

It's so much easier to tear skin with your non-dominant hand than you would think. Once the razor digs into your skin, your hands seem to remember the requirements for ripping flesh from bone. If anything, the unfamiliarity makes it more seamless. A stranger steals your skin, not you. The subconscious part of your brain that is distressed about what you're doing shuts off. Until the pain hits.

Why am I doing this? The blood trickles slowly and dries again. The band-aid goes back on again. We're no closer than we were before. You have to go and face the people who don't know or don't care about it. How can it end sooner?

My dad is coming to see me this weekend. He's going to see my arms, one way or another. But he and my family saw them before. The fading scars of razor blades pressed against skin. All I received was:

'Are you depressed?'

no.

I've wanted to commit suicide for four years. I have wasted the oxygen for four more years. The yawning void of the truth screams and aches every day. And if it came to being honest, then I have to waste more oxygen. Go to therapy.

'Someone loves you.'

then they're wrong.

'Someone will be sad without you.'

their life will be better without me.

'Those things can't be true!'

I LIVE them EVERY DAY. I don't want to hurt someone any more than I have already. I have two sisters, my parents will be fine. My sisters have always been closer with each other. I have never been loved by someone outside my family. What have I done with that love? rot. decay. I have become worse. I disgrace them every day. I have nothing. I don't want to know that these things are illogical. Logic broke a long time ago. It caved by the weight of existence. When you look into someone's eyes and know, they do not know you. There is not a single person on the planet who does. Whoever will.

I hope tomorrow I will wake up, and I can't feel the razor. I can cut and cut until I reach the bone. I can lay on the floor and watch life escape me.

Do you really care to know if I read?

Do you really care to hear some pretentious lyrics to a song?

It's a farce. Or at least it's a farce for me. I know you, person who reads this, have people that do love you. That would be sad without you. This is simply an issue of an illogical existence. When it is over, an error in nature will be corrected.

If my parents or someone else finds this, I'm sorry. How did I let this go on for 21 years? How did it take this long? Why would I do this to you? Your own son? I don't know, and I'm crying and it's all wrong.

I can't even look in the mirror. How long has he been staring back at you? That's not your son. He doesn't even say he loves you. He doesn't even text you. He can't even get out of bed. He won't listen to you. He just complains.

How long has it been wrong? When did gravity hurt so much more? When did the Sun shine too bright? Why am I wearing sleeves in the summertime?

Emma and Sarah. Why didn't visit one more time? There was always some stupid excuse. I'm busy or stressed or I want to be left alone. Why can't I be unmade? Why did I ever live? Then we wouldn't have to have met. These two brilliant people unshackled. Why wasn't I honest? Did you know something was wrong? Were you worried? Please be okay. Please let the Earth keep turning.

I'm crying too much now. I can hardly see the keyboard.

I have to write to my friends. I feel so far away now. I lost many of you after high school. It wasn't any of you. I keep thinking about the band-aids visible on my wrists. To my college friends, what did you think was happening? Did you think I accidentally cut both of my wrists at the same time? Because that sucks. I don't know if that's better than not noticing at all. But I never made myself one of you anyway.

College is the best four years of your life. Fucking brilliant statement. There hasn't been a day, a moment, a second when I haven't thought about killing myself. First weekend, alone. Now, alone. At least there's no one to stop this. No one's surprised that I'm typing in my room alone at 11:45.

There's no more tears. I wonder how long this will take,

[crittercrossing]

Rest in Peace, Jamal

September 22nd, 2017—October 15th, 2022

Jamal's entire life was defined by defying the odds. Both of his parents had died before he hatched from his egg. His parents, Georgia and Arizona, both died after a predator broke into their pen. In my grief after that happened, I realized that I had two eggs from them that were almost certainly fertilized, and that it might be nice to carry on their legacy through their children. Mykerion, a bantam hen who was Georgia's child with another hen, had just gone broody, so I gave both eggs to Mykerion and waited. 21 days later, one of the eggs hatched, and baby Jamal entered the world.

Jamal and Mykerion adored each other, and I loved watching them interact with each other. I know the two of them probably had no way of knowing that they were half-siblings, but to me, it was really sweet to know that Jamal still had family, even if his parents were gone. And Mykerion immediately took Jamal in as her own, seeming to fully believe that she was his mother.

I spent the first five or six weeks of Jamal's life desperately hoping that he was female, as I really didn't have any more room for roosters. But, alas, fate loves to cause me trouble when it comes specifically to chickens, and it quickly became apparent that Jamal was, in fact, male.

Being a standard-sized chicken, and Mykerion being a bantam, Jamal very quickly caught up to Mykerion in size, even while he was very young. It was hilarious to see him following her around and acting like a young chick while he was nearly as big as her.

He also insisted on sleeping under Mykerion's belly for a long time... even once Mykerion decided to stop sleeping in their nest and start sleeping on the roost pole again. He would fly up and still get underneath her while they were both on the pole.

Jamal had to be separated from his birth flock when he was four months old. He was much bigger than his bantam family at that point, and he was beginning to pick fights with JD, the rooster. I decided to get some hens for Jamal to start his own flock with. I moved Jamal to his own pen and got four hens to live with him. He was elated, and he got to work being the best flock leader he could be. He was a natural at protecting his flock. Jamal seemed to love all of the hens, but he was particularly close to Henrietta, a gentle buff Orpington.

He was also gentle with people for several years, keeping a watchful eye on me when I entered their pen, but never causing me any trouble. At the time, I was incredibly grateful for that. Jamal's father, Georgia, was the most aggressive rooster I've ever met or heard of. I always hoped that Jamal wouldn't take after his dad in that way, and for a long time, he didn't.

Jamal went on to face loss and tragedy in his life. Two of the hens in his first flock died after one was attacked by a predator, and the other suffered some unknown internal complication. Not long after, he lost the remaining two hens to two separate predator attacks. The night that the unknown predator came back for the last hen, it was clear that Jamal would have given his life for her. In the aftermath of it all in the morning, I found him with bloody wounds and missing feathers, but with all the strength and determination in the world.

I built a new, safer pen, and then moved Jamal into that. I decided to get a new flock of five chickens to keep him company. Five turned into two, as one pullet passed away shortly after, and two birds revealed themselves to actually be cockerels. Still, Jamal loved his new companions Jesse and Miah, and the three of them were a close flock for the rest of their lives.

For some unknown reason, after being very sweet for his entire life up until that point, Jamal became aggressive with people. He began attacking me in the same way his father did. Though I was no longer able to hold him or sit with him, he was still a really wonderful rooster. He wouldn't eat a single bite of anything until his hens were completely done eating. He immediately called an alarm any time he heard a strange sound or saw a bird of prey fly above the yard.

Jamal served his hens well, but sadly, both Jesse and Miah passed away within a few months of each other. Due to life circumstances, I was unable to get any more chickens, so I couldn't get new hens for Jamal. He was visited daily by multiple people, and he was within sight of the bantam flock that he grew up with, throughout the rest of his life, until he passed away unexpectedly from an unknown cause towards the end of 2022.

I admire Jamal deeply and honor his memory as one of the bravest roosters I've ever known, rivaled only by his father.

[talontheacedragon]

so i got my motorbike officially back on the road today (heck yeah!) after two years off due to finances, and in those two years i've moved house and when i actually moved my bike over to my new house, i didn't see any of my neighbors, so none of them knew i ride and then i'm pushing it into my back garden this evening in the dark and struggling because this thing weighs a lot and is long and pretty unwieldy to turn in a fairly narrow alley through a fairly narrow gate, so i'd just stopped to figure out how to do that on my own since last time i had help, then this little boy and his grandma who live two doors down are taking their bins out and i can just see this little boy with this look of like... stars in his eyes... and so i go 'hey do you want to get on?'

and he's like 'yeah!'

so i show him how to get on and help because this is an adult size bike that I - a 5ft4 21-yr-old - sometimes struggle to get on so this kid who's like 3 years old at most has no chance, and then he sits there on the seat and i show him the lights and the horn and give the engine a bit of a rev, and his grandma is like 'he likes bikes and cars and stuff, don't you', and he's all 'just bikes now'...

my little heart almost exploded. to me this is what being a biker is about, aside from the speed and the not-having-to-sit-in-traffic, it's the bringing joy to kids, letting them live their dreams, if i have the ability to do so, it's the community of it all, the little wave when we pass each other on the road that's a 'hi friend!' and a 'stay safe out there'.

anyway, moral of the story, it's easy to be just a little bit nice, and winter is cold and dark, and kids want to be cool just as much as adults do, and joy is in short supply these days, so spread it where you can.

be safe out there ♥️🏳️‍🌈