#i didn't proof read this anymore because I know if i did I'd back out

[dukeoftheblackstar]

Somewhere Only We Know

Summary: Plo Koon has an old book called ‘The Galactic Family; A Collection of Beautiful Faces’ that features numerous species blessed with physicalities. Reader/OC is born of the planet called Celestia which is inhabited by ethereal sight for sore-eyes. While they feature and exalt you as an upper echelon of beauty and grace, you vehemently plot against the author who Plo had once confided in you as someone who seems to have captivated his heart — a bully who had taunted him and riled others to make fun of Kel Dors and Plo as a youngling. You kept your friendship with Plo and though your heart bleeds for him, as it beats only for him, you decide to yet again express your desire to act in spite and avenge your most favorite Kel Dor in the galaxy. Only to be reminded of something else.

Pairing: Plo Koon / OC/Reader (idk how this works — sorry!)

Word Count: 3.6k

Rating: (no smut) Maybe sad-turned-happy vibes? Idk

Notes: - Peaching (headcanon) is a form of encouraged relations by the people and law of Celestia that allows you to be in a consensual 'exchange' with no attachment. Essentially, a gatepass to fuck, be intimate with, be flirty with, be touchy with, or be with someone bound or unbound given that all parties are in agreement and consents. (will get detailed on this if I ever decide to dish out wips from ancient time) - Chrysanthemums are my most favorite flower ♥ A yellow chrysanthemum blossom signifies neglected love or sorrow. A white chrysanthemum is a symbol of loyalty and devoted love. - OC/Reader is a bounty hunter with natborn silver irises and is an unhinged bitch who is overprotective of Plo Koon and will fight everyone for him. (It's me, really. I'm just wildin') - OC/Reader Reference Image https://www.instagram.com/p/CfJ891cJVpG/

Color thingies because I'm deranged to not use them: Orange: Plo Koon Pink: You/OC/Reader Blue: Memory Purple: Me, because I have no self-control to self-insert myself whenever Plo and Kel Dors are mentioned. I'm sorry >:

Perfect divider by @idontgetanysleep with itty, bitty, cutie-patootie Plo Koon face ♥

“Just say the word, P. It’s on the house.”

You didn’t really need his permission let alone reveal any involvement should you decide to act on ‘it’. You’ve had her as a client before and the transaction wasn’t as pretty as her face — it was vile, filthy, and a cheapshot at an innocent target who happens to share attention from a prospective boyfriend. Yes, a prospective boyfriend who clearly has no intention of breaking off an engagement with the poor, unfortunate soul, you have removed from a certain narrative.

A sickening chronicle in ‘her’ life as if her claim takes precedence over anything factual. Hadn’t you been in such a rut with bounties, you would’ve never taken the job. But you did and it kept food on the table, a nice roof on your head for a short while, and got a beaut of a decent ship to cruise around in. 

It’s never honest work, the killing part; but it's honest enough to be on paper and get you lined up with a few more bounties to get by. A couple of tracking fobs in turn of a good night’s sleep, a proper soak, and a treat to buy essentials and non-essentials. Essentials being food, fuel, repair and maintenance, pieces to fortify the little armor you have on because clearly, you need to flaunt to flex — that, and the fact that Celestians are vain by nature. Considering you age similar to Kel Dors, if you ain’t keeping that pretty face and body on point, you might as well off yourself for being a disgraced child of Celestia.

As for non-essentials that border the essentials category, an assortment of powdered fruit tea from your recent trip to Dorin. 

Plo would chuckle, always that — never to confirm, never to deny, always enigmatic over the idea of vengeance. Though it may be an obvious answer with him being a Master Jedi and a Baran Do Sage, valuing life and shit, you couldn’t help but wonder if it’s because he truly still admires her and the memory of feeling ‘it’ for the first time is so strong that it has indeed withstood the test of time. It was either that or he’s in one of those moods where he’s psycho-bullshitting you to reflect and turn to the light — what an absolute devout to the force Plo Koon is, aka force-dweeb ; i.e whore only to the force.

Awestruck if that was the case but also a very disheartening concept. Then again, who were you talk? Wasn’t it your own volition to always tag along and linger in sparring fields and dojos while father met with the Jedis, handing vital information privy only to the Republic? Wasn’t it in your own accord to walk up to this rust-toned sentient because you had that undying need to pull on his mask and kiss him? Maybe not kiss him yet at time, but you’re quite the unhinged individual who would happily die to quelch the inquisitions in your head and kissing was a Celestian tradition to mark. All’s fair, right?

You just wanted to touch him, his face — eyes that had those black ‘thingies’ that made you wonder what color his irises were while the burgeoning need to unmask the lower chamber of his face grew with each passing second; more so when he started to speak.

Not much has actually changed apart from him — now a towering old man with more grace, reverence, importance, patience, strength, and other things that you’d like to unravel. Dirty as that sounds, who can blame you? 

Have you seen the build on his chest and shoulders? Have you not heard the thunderous rumble of his godly voice that makes you want to drop on your knees and worship that impeccable form of his? — That makes you want to shamelessly surrender to the domineering, magnetic, regal of an enchantment that has imprisoned your heart, mind, and soul to be his devout little bitch? 

Have you not, even for a second, want to burn through the fiery embers of his soul and lose yourself into the intoxicating dream of sifting through the intricacies of his intelligence and wisdom? To drown in answers and queries that would have you begging like a desperate whore to tell you more? More of that three-hundred year-old archive of knowledge that just swims in his head so invitingly like the cold lakes of home on a hot summer day? Have you not, even for a second, thirsted to the enigma that is Plo Koon and his privacy? Have you not sinfully starved for someone’s coc—-

“Tea?”

He could read your mind and throw you out; dismiss or reprimand you for being such an obvious simp for him, but he doesn’t — doesn’t always at least. Doesn’t invade your thoughts unless it’s one of those days when you were so rattled from a hunt that you didn’t even know how you ended up at his place; why you, a clean-freak, has yet to wash the blood over skin so smooth you whine over the tiniest of scratches and smudge.

“I can sense the evident thirst “be” at peak today, dearest.”

Did I mention that though he does not invade your thoughts without necessity, he’s also a little shit Kel Dor prick? That he’s the humblest of all humbles but has a side to him that makes you want to strangle him in his sleep and ride his brains back to when he’s an itty, bitty, egg and make omelet for breakfast? 

“Yes, babylove. The thirst ‘be’ insanely high today. I mean, did I ever tell you how kriffin’ hot you look in those Jedi robes? I mean the browns and the beige just screams BDE!!! I could just.. Unf.”

You bit your lip to taunt, whether it was to set the familiar banter at play from a mere satirical retort or a guise because ‘he really do be looking fine in them robes’, it’ll be one of the many unspoken understanding and mystery that the two of you seem to dodge.

“BDE? I’m not certain I’ve heard of that before.”

“Big Dorin Energy.” Came your reply — one as abrupt as you had brought the cup to drink so painstakingly slow in hopes of boring him enough to move on.

“Mm.”

“What?” 

Did I also tell you how oppressive Plo Koon’s silent treatment can be? No, well okay. It is.

“Whaaaat?”

“...”

Not a crease on his brow area, neither a shift from his demeanor came about apart from him attaching a metallic, contractible straw to his mask with a soft click before taking a sip from his cup. 

“Ugh. Fine. It’s Big Dick Energy, okay? Are you happy? You’re such an old man, Plo.” 

You always say this and without fail, it drives you so far up the wall you’d be at the same level as Plo — or taller. And as much as it elicits illicit thoughts, seeing yourself more drawn to finely seasoned men, Plo always gave the same response. The same ‘Indeed I am” that teeters between melancholy, amusement and pride. 

Stars, he’s so kriffin’ cute.

“Very much so, my dear. The quest for knowledge never ceases.”

Cute and a disgustingly adorable dweeb. I love him so much and I’m sure you do too.

After a couple more exchange of pleasantries, you’ve found yourself rambling on about the strife of a recent hunt where you’ve procured a bad sprain that had somewhat permanently altered your balance. How you nearly fell off after a grapple-pull mishap because of a calculated step that failed due to said injury. 

You went on about how it cut the payment since you weren’t able to deliver the target on time. He’d have asked a million questions too that riled you up to the point of completely forgetting your purpose of visit — your constant ‘let it be me’ visit that never seems to progress because of that stupid book tucked under his stupid bed that this stupid bitch gave him some stupid centuries ago. 

“All you have to say is leave her alone, Plo. And I will.” 

You cut the story short and as much as you’d expect him to be surprised that you had caught on, he wasn’t. He knew you would break free from the trance of having someone so keenly interested in your non-Jedi approved activities; namely bounty hunting and escapades — you do this thing where you commit theft for a hot minute and leave payment with a little extra at the most  obvious place they wouldn’t look until they’ve simmered down to notice a note you’ve left. Funny that he doesn’t scold you for this but tells tales of how Dorin will treat this behavior differently. You can tell he loves a bit of mischief as long as you return to the proper action — then again, this petty theft of a mischievous act is punishable by death in Kel Dor standards; so maybe, no?

“Celestians are on page 9.” 

Vanity betrays you by blood and nature. You wanted to smack him for saying that but you also want to smack (smooch) him for saying that. It’s not like you didn’t have a copy of the infamous book, but it’s so badly worn from testing a plethora of melee weapons on it, the numerous holes and soot makes any of the text unreadable and the photos indiscernible. You had copies of it too, memorized the entire book looking for any praise for Kel Dors and found not a single word of mention even. 

The Galactic Family; A Collection of Beautiful Faces — in which enumerates and highlights a selection of upper echelon species that included yours in the most exalted tier. Your kind were the most ethereal species on the planet; silver irises, short fangs that elongate during ‘peaching and mating seasons’, skin deathly pale, smooth, and soft; blood translucent and voices a potent concoction of sweet, sultry, and heavenly with that right dabble of filth.

[ Art / Comic by @exosorcery ♥ ]

You hated that book. Abhorred it to an unhealthy extent that you were but a push away from writing your own book and raining hell on her specifically, but you know within yourself that Celestians are not allowed to interfere — which is essentially why, though you do not need his permission and can actually act upon it deny involvement with a help of the top bounty hunter in the galaxy who you’d happen to be in the good graces of, it just didn’t seem right. You know in your hearts of hearts that Plo will be very disappointed and quiet about it.

[ Art / Comic by @exosorcery ♥ ]

“I know. My brother and I are in it. He had said yes before consulting me and it was too late for me to back out when I knew who wrote it. Did you ask because you know I’d never dare "read" that shit?”

[ Art / Comic by @exosorcery ♥ ]

“I asked because you have something of mine.” 

“Of yours?”

And it was indeed some Jedi mind trick because of the centuries and numerous copies you’ve annihilated "without ever once reading" the contents of that book, there you sat frivolously sifting through pages and scanning the photo of yourself with a crystalized necklace of a white moth.

Your hand instinctively went to your chest, cupping the pendant that had kept your heart steady and your mind clear since the day you decided to hunt that stupid moth that landed on his stupid face while he was meditating.

I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

A sense of warmth engulfs you in that moment of recollection; how he had blamed you for scaring the moth away after his master did the same prior. How his little balled up fists were on his side and the creases of his face were so drawn down that you laughed so hard you fell back clutching your stomach. How you saw him ‘frown’ behind his masked face and turned quietly to walk away.

I felt the earth beneath my feet

[ Art by @veny-many ♥ ]

How in that moment you swore nothing would ever matter more than for his stupid face to never ever crease into that stupid frown. How in that moment, his little ‘Please don’t do that — it really hurts,” made you need nothing or no one else than this beautiful sentient before you who chose to meditate alone because the other shit-pricks were making fun of how he looks.

I came across a fallen tree

You recall how you didn’t even apologize. How you ran up to him and put on that equally stupid face you do with father when you didn’t want him to leave so you could play with him or have him take you to some off-world planet to pick and study flowers to tend to your insatiable need need to adorn your room with so many flower crowns it’s become hazardous in itself. 

And before you could say anything, before you could rip off that stupid page in that stupid book that has your stupid face and that stupid pendant that you’ve worn for centuries as you both kept by each other’s side and comfort, something heavy weighs on the page.

I felt the branches of it looking at me

A chrysanthemum pair — entwined of one yellow and one white; withered, but you know it to be so. You know not only by heart and by the memory of you breaking the knots of your self-made flower crown that adorned your pretty little presence on that fateful day, having to vehemently rummage and pull from the assortment to find the ‘perfect’ one for the stupid frown on his stupid face.

Is this the place we used to love?

You know not only by the nostalgic drop of flowers between your silver irises that pooled at the thought of hurting the stupid-faced sad boy meditating by his lonesome and the young Kel Dor that had his fists balled ready to push or strike — to alleviate himself of any pain and hurt that deeply wounded him that day but chose not to. 

Your brothers did that — pushed and yelled out of irritation, shoved you a little too hard sometimes but eventually came around. But Plo didn’t — he didn’t yell or push you, didn’t run off or threaten you, didn’t even do anything but ask so politely; asked so kindly as if he would break into as many as the stars above and it frightened you. 

To be young and alone, to be so far from home, to be so far from mother and father and even your siblings; to having to go back inside a place you could hardly call ‘home’. To do nothing but train, clean, meditate, and study; to not be able to play with people of your kind, to not be able to run to father or mother when you’ve tripped and get tight hugs and forehead kisses; to not be able to snuggle up and build forts with silly brothers, steal snacks from the kitchen and tell tales of horrific stories and gossip until you all fall asleep, only to wake up between mother and father.

It frightened you so much that you felt ‘it’. Whatever ‘it’ was, you felt it. You felt ‘it’ radiate from him in such an alarming wave that it had rendered you speechless with hands quivering between two stupid chrysanthemum flowers pulled from your crown of glory. It frightened you that something had made you frantically drop to your knees and fuss about which color, which flower to give him as if the thread of the galaxy’s hold would break if you didn’t do ‘it’ right — whatever ‘it’ was.

The grip on the pendant tightens and you could feel your jaw clench only before you were made aware of the tears that had betrayed you for quite a while now. The taste of horrid saline that had taken a detour from your cheeks and down to your lips; a grim reminder that you have yet again bore yourself to Plo when you've promised countless times never to do so. 

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Jedi kriffing mindtrick. 

And if you have a minute, why don't we go Talk about it somewhere only we know?

Part of you wanted him to look, maybe lean over and brush the tears off your cheeks; to take that stupid mask off for a brief second and kiss you just as how you had hoped for when you first saw him. But you know he couldn’t —for so many goddamn reasons. And it’s okay, it really is. He could press his mask on your cheek though, right? Right? Right, Plo?

“Big dick energy indeed, you prick.”

Your voice broke and so did you face as you shamelessly sobbed onto palms that only did very little to hide everything; the sniffles, the whimpers, the brewing gasps of air as you tried your best to stifle it all at once. But of course you fail massively, it was not even an option to begin with. He carried so much power and reverence that if he had decided to open that hidden script between just the two of you, you’ll crumble so far into the depths of all these repressed dreams and emotions that you'd drag him with you. 

This could be the end of everything

And so it remains just that; a hidden script in the narrative that is you and Plo Koon. The same script that loomed when drinks were shared, stories laughed over, and tears shed over just about anything. The same hidden script that will always thicken the air with the purest form of love — if he would allow ‘it’ to be called just that. 

But even that would remain as enigmatic as Plo Koon — and so it shall be as it always has been; a hidden script that is you and Plo Koon; the narrative that has spanned centuries and will weave more.

He would only turn his back to you, remorsefully. Give you privacy and company at the same time like the stupid conundrum that he is; leave if you want me to cry in peace, you’d think to yourself — but stay so I can.

So, why don't we go somewhere only we know?

Tears drip past the barrier of your palms and onto the page that kept the withered pair as if it would somehow unearth the once vibrant colors that bridged the paleness of your small hand with his rust-toned talons many centuries ago. That somehow it would caress your bleeding heart with the memory of his stupid smile plastered on his stupid face when he said “It’s okay. There’s more moths here, come on.”

[ Art by @veny-many ♥ ] {any excuse to use these baby Kel Dors kids}

Sat by the river and it made me complete Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on So, tell me when you're gonna let me in

That somehow these insignificant droplets would relive the careful touch of his clawed hand over your soft, small palm as he dragged you past the bushes he hid behind and into this expanse of a lake full of fireflies and moths and flowers and fishes and him, and his smile, and his touch, and his face, and his warmth, and his presence, and his —.

“Do you understand now?”

Somewhere only we know

Drenched palms erratically ran through evenly drenched cheeks to dry them off. Eyes puffed and nose a shy tone of red as you continued to sniffle and curse inwardly as to why he still hasn’t offered you a box of tissues. But it’s there though, the box of tissues — so very close to your side of the table when it usually is at the center. 

What a babe, right? Inconspicuous babe and his inconspicuous gentlemanly ways.

You took a few pulls and gently dabbed your face. Took another few more pulls and before you could dab them onto the page that held the embodiment of your love, loyalty, friendship, and promise of forever, you heard him cut you before you were even half-way down.

“Don’t.” 

I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on

You turn to look at him, watching him ease back into a reclined manner — his face still in the direction of the empty space before him; but you know. You know that at the corners of those black ‘thingies’ over his eyes are those beautiful silver irises that matched yours. You know that in the tenderness of his voice would be the same yearning that not a single word would ever be enough to describe. That in the manner of which his shoulder would sag and his head would meet the rest of his couch that ‘it’ is here; that ‘it’ is here with you. That ‘it’ is neither about the book or anything else; that ‘it’ is but here, anywhere, everywhere with you.

That ‘it’ is the fact that you have something of his and he has something of yours. That ‘it’ has always been the same ‘it’ from the day that you broke his tiny, young heart and mended it so swiftly and gently that ‘it’ has stayed with him over centuries as so did ‘it’ with you.

That ‘it’ is indeed what you think it is if you’ve gotten this far. That ‘it’ is indeed ‘home’ — a place that only you and him knows. 

“You’re such a sappy old man, Plo. I’ll see you again soon, okay?” 

You say, closing the book and carefully resting it on the caf table. You grunt and sniffle, groaning as you stretched and tapped your ankles together as if to activate the thrusters and wait for command. By the window, your usual preference of entry, you took a deep breath and ran fingers delicate over your bare crown down to the length of your hair. 

This could be the end of everything

“In the meantime, please allow me to use this as a reason to extract you from your duties, my sweet. Your company is always appreciated.” 

Plo collects the book almost protectively and sets it on his lap, palming the cover as he finally turns to address your departure. 

So, why don't we go somewhere only we know?

“Kriffin’ dweeb. Just say I love you next time. Easier on the tongue.”

And as you take your flight, you hear him among the blanketed skies, just when you’re far enough and too lazy to turn, you hear him, 

Somewhere only we know

“Only if you say it first.”

Somewhere only we know

~ Fin.

If you made it this far, thank you and I love you. I hope reading this isn't time wasted. Also, drink some water and remember how valued you are and how nothing will be as magnificent as they are if you weren't here. ♥

~ Duch ♥

[insomaniacat]

orv spoilers

tbh I'm so happy there is no explicit romance in orv (minus the brief stuff that happens with jhw and lhs) and because of that I feel like I've been able to appreciate kdj in such a profound way as a character

like sure i like joongdok and yoohankim but to me at least kdj has this level of asexuality to him that I don't usually associate him with anyone that romantically. And their relationships are still as complex and has such a great depth that they are like THE foundest of families and I can return to the kim dokja company at the end of the day as all of them being my comfort characters. you know that saying like 'i love you so much i'd make the world burn for you'? it's meant to be this dramatic line about how much you love someone (romantically), but kdj's company fully encapsulates this in a platonic way that just isn't cringey or anything like that

they are all so platonic but they love each other to such an unconditional way that they ALL decide to relive through all the scenarios again in the hope of finding kim dokja again. and later, they all help to write and spread a story - stories, the thing the reader loves - again, in hopes of bringing kdj back home. they aren't sure if it'll work, but it is through this love they all have that they don't give up and put their hope in this seemingly impossible method

and this is also what makes them fundamentally different from kdj. unlike kim dokja in the apocalypse, they do not have any sort of proof their methods will work. kdj has twsa - the novel he grew up reading, the novel he fantasized living in, the novel that he's spent 13 years following, learning every nook and cranny and probably even planning out his own way to survive the apocalypse from this lengthy novel. he has some sort of assurance his methods will work, with the amount of time hsy put into describing the settings (remember that twsa was not popular and one of the complaints was that tls123 put too much emphasis on the settings that deterred people from reading it, when really, that too was a way to ensure kdj survived the apocalypse later on). he has had time to reassure himself and plan for it, and probably had yjh case test them all

but kdj's company had no assurance - they did not grow up with a book that confirmed their methods of bringing kdj back would work. they did not have any 'third plans', no 'ressurections', no 'restarts', that kdj had in the apocalypse. all they had was their own hope - something kdj didn't have when he was fifteen sitting in that hospital bed after that failed suicide attempt, feeling like the whole world was against him. Until he searched up those three words on his phone. Those three words that were probably 'Ways of Survival'.

And then he found his hope in twsa. he found his hope in yjh, the protagonist made just for him. he found hope in the story that he believed in for the next thirteen years. the story that got him through high school, the CSATs, the military. his hope was in this tangible book that carried him through the apocalypse.

kdj's company had none of that. they only had their hope in kim dokja - the man they survived the scenarios with. they could only put their hope in their memories of surviving with the man that saved them, even though there was no evidence he lived in their world anymore. they had to put their hope in the fact that they remembered he existed, even though they had to acknowledge that they didn't know everything about him.

sing shong touches upon this idea a lot throughout orv - does something really exist if no one knows about it? or, in a more modern saying, did a fallen tree in a forest really fall if no one heard it? what proves the existence of something? what proves that something truly happened? sing shong seems to make it pretty clear that the existence of something can be represented metaphorically like a 'story', and stories need a 'reader', some sort of spectator that witnesses it, for the 'story' to exist.

for kim dokja, his final sacrifice, where he split into infinite little pieces scattered across the universe, was to ensure that everything existed. that open ending, as tragic as it was, was meant to be comforting. that his sacrifice was supposed to be so existences like you and me, are real. no matter how lonely we may feel throughout our lives, a metaphorical 'kim dokja' is looking at our own stories, spectating our own stories, even living our own lives himself.

and what i hate to say sometimes is that kim dokja is not really a character - he is an idea. he is an idea of some higher being affirming our lives, that it's real, that what we do from day to day, even something as simple as getting up in the mornings and brushing your teeth, or thumbing through a store catalog, matters. and this is why kim dokja sacrificed himself. for all the stories that may have not 'existed' if no one was watching it.

and it's out of love. this tragic, terrible love for the world, that eats away at yourself until you are nothing. but at least you exist.

[scottmemelordstrashpile]

Survivor Tessa AU (Murder Drones AU Concept???) [Episode 7 Spoilers]

So, you know when you want to make an AU but you also don't want to dedicate to the grueling process of actually writing a story and writing how we got to this part? No? Just me?

EDIT: I should clarify as well I also feel apprehensive in doing so since in my own opinion it feels mildly pretentious of me to essentially take someone else's work, rewrite it a bit and then be like "See! I did it better!" I'd much rather focus on my own original projects rather than take someone else's.

Well, regardless here are a couple of potential examples of scenes that could have unfolded

Click the "Keep reading" button if you either don't care or have already watched.

had Tessa been a survivor of the fall of Earth. I guess these are just concepts for potential scenes or something?

Unlikely Alliance

N: Fine. You're right. Maybe I'm not the real N. So I won't pretend to be. But that doesn't mean we can't help eachother! I want the patch to save Uzi, you want it to defeat Cyn. We can make this work!

Tessa: ... *Sigh* Fine. It would be smarter to work as a team for now I suppose.

*Suddenly Tessa presses the barrel of her gun right against the side of N's head*

Tessa: But I swear... if you even dare THINK, of trying to cross me... I'll kill both of you. Understand?!

N: Y-Yes... m'am.

Tessa: Good.

I Found You Faker

*The scene with "Tessa" and Uzi at the chapel unfolds the same until-*

"Tessa": No worries, makes my job easier.

*BANG*

*A gunshot reverberates throughout the chapel as a bullet rips through the back of "Tessa's" helmet and ejecting through her visor leaving a bulletwound behind*

*"Tessa" collapses to the ground bleeding heavily revealing the real Tessa standing behind her with a smoking gun*

Tessa: You must think you're real funny, huh Cyn? Running around impersonating me?!

Uzi: W-What?! W-Who?!

Tessa: Shut it! I'm getting to you. Where is the patch!?

Uzi: The what?!

Tessa: Don't have it? Bloody hell... Then who does?!

The Patch

*N reaches out expecting Tessa to hand over the crucifix usb but she steps back, drawing her gun on N with the other hand*

N: Tessa?

Tessa: No.

N: I-I thought you finally trusted me?!

Tessa: Trust you?! Please! You and that little monster took everything from me! Oh! But you weren't satisfied with just that! Now you oughta' go and destroy everything else while you're at it! Huh?!

N: Tessa... please-

Tessa: No. I won't let you have it. It means too much to me!

*Tessa clutches the crucifix tightly*

Tessa: This, this might be my only chance of finally destroying her. And I won't let you take it away from me too!

N: But... I thought... I thought we were friends.

Tessa: ... No. I was friends with the real N. Not you... You're just a fake...

N: ... Fine. I don't care what happens to me, but please! You have to help Uzi!

Tessa: Why should I? Doesn't she want to kill us all too?! Don't think I didn't overhear that. I'm onto you lot. Can't trust anyone but myself anymore. I learned from my past mistakes...

Old Enemies

Tessa: Fine... just do it already. Finish it!

Cyn: "Manical Laughter" I promised I wouldn't kill you, didn't I? Besides, I wouldn't get the satisfaction of watching you suffer if I do.

Cyn: ... But, there's still a chance. The Solver is pretty chill, maybe you could like join us or something.

Tessa: I'd rather DIE than to serve you!

Cyn: Oh well, it was worth a try. Have fun watching everything you know and love die for the second time. Loser.

I dunno what to call this one but I couldn't not include

*To Tessa most likely*

Cyn: I won't kill you and you can't kill me. I guess we can just sit in this room and glare at eachother until somebody drops dead. But I have a better idea.

End

Closing thoughts or something

I don't know what to call this. A proof of concept or something? I don't know. Because sadly I'm too lazy in addition to just not having enough time to make a full genuine AU about this but I thought the idea was interesting so I dunno, if people with more dedication or time on their hands want to steal these ideas for stories, art whatever. I don't care. You don't even need to tag me or credit me or anything. (And I mean that. It's not like my ideas are very original anyway.)

Basically in general the idea of this AU as I said at the start is the idea of the real Tessa having survived the destruction of the Earth. Now she's hellbent on destroying Cyn whom she perceives as the one that took everything and everyone she loved away from her.

She doesn't trust the disassembly drones in the slightest, not seeing them as her friends from the manor but as crude mockeries of her friends created by Cyn.

Cyn treats the entire thing like a game. Think of it like a sort've reverse Batman and Joker where Cyn refuses to kill Tessa due to her promise to not discard her. However all it does is fuel Tessa's unending rage when she laughs in her face and tosses her aside.

As for Tessa herself I like to imagine she's missing at least one hand and maybe even an eye. Of course her missing hand being replaced with a cybernetic one. (Definitely not a Berserk reference.)

That's about it. I imagine her personality would be totally different from Episode 5 Tessa as well. She'd probably still have funny moments or one liners but in general she'd probably be a lot more deadpan and monotone. When she's not being "Girl too angry to die" anyway. I imagine her in contrast to her past self being very quiet, cold and distant. Not wanting to be hurt again by becoming too attached to those around her.

All she wants is REVENGE. (You could even play with the idea of this desire slowly turning her into a monster too if you want to be really angsty with it.)

I imagine for the most part things would play out MOSTLY the same but with the added element of real Tessa also landing on Copper-9 to find the patch before Cyn (Disguised as Tessa) does. I guess serving as a rouge 4th element or something?

EDIT: I also like to imagine the real Tessa looks similar to canon "Tessa" (Which is just the fake Tessa in this version.) but without the stickers, hat and bow on her suit. Maybe a more visible oxygen system on the back too, like one of those big air tanks or astronaut backpacks. Something like that. Could get more creative with it, but yeah that's how I imagine it. I feel like the cybernetic hand probably wouldn't be visible due to the suit. As for the eye for me it alternates between it just being stuck closed like Guts or her having an eyepatch. (Personally I prefer it being permanently closed.)

P.S. EDIT: Most of this was born out of my disappointment that they killed off Tessa more or less. Yes, I admit I wasn't too happy to find out she was already dead since I felt like the character had a lot of potential to shake up the story. So, these ideas were kind of born from an idea of what might have happened had this not been done. But with a bit of a twist.

Oh yeah of course also feel free to like... reblog... whatever. Give your thoughts? I guess? I don't know. I just wanted to get these ideas out of my head I guess and this was the most efficient way to do it. Now if you'll excuse me I have more not actually working on my personal projects even though I really should be to get back to.

[callmelyc]

Lances ex was terrible

He was the kind of ex that was really full of themselves, cruel, didn't like Lance spending too much time with anyone else (not that his ex girlfriends were any better).

So when they finally broke up everyone rejoiced. The demon had been slain!

Until...he came to get his shit out of Lances apartment because not only did he take his shitty wardrobe he also stole Lances precious baby blue!

His beautiful baby, his sweet meow meow, his darling princess.

But because Lance had no proof the asshat got off scott-free!

He'd cried for hours not knowing what to do and his stupid ex blocked him so Lance couldn't even attempt to beg for his cat daughter back. So he did what anyone would do, he complained online.

The comments flooded with people trying to come up with ideas until one stood out. Some guy with a photo of a motorcycle asking what this ex looks like.

Lance sniffled sending pictures in the replies and waited. He wasn't sure why anyone would want a picture but maybe the guy wanted it so he could keep an eye out? The reply didn't take long at all and it only baffled Lance further.

The guy, Keith K, responded in seconds "dw I can handle this."

Before Lance could even question anything Keiths status had switched to offline leaving Lance to read through other comments as possible solutions.

~•~

At 1am Lances phone lights up with a call. Now, normally Lance would ignore these, who responds to random calls especially at 1am?

But he looks down and it's the same name of the guy from earlier, Keith K. Lance will admit first a foremost he doesn't always think things through and come on now, he was curious to know how this guy got his number at all.

So lance picks up, groggy with sleep "hello??"

"I got ur cat back, do you wanna meet up for her or would you like to wait until later?"

That got lances attention. Now more awake he scrambles to get dressed "are you sure? Like ur sure it's my cat?"

"your name and number are on the collar"

"Where do you wanna meet?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? I am the stranger."

"Yeah but ur a stranger that apparently saved my darling daughter!?"

Lance hears a small laugh on the other side of the line "I'll shoot you my location?"

"Sounds good to me."

The second the call ends Lance receives directions to a place 15min out and a picture of blue safe in a cat carrier. He's more than relieved to both see her and have proof this wasn't a dream, though he is still weary.

He shoots off a text to Hunk and Pidge with his location/tracking on in case something went wrong and Lance rushes out the door to go meet this stranger. They'll likely wonder what he's up to at this hour, maybe even spam call him in worry. However, Lance doesn't have the patience right now now when his baby is in some randos hands.

Pulling up to the 24hr McDonald's he doesn't even care that he's meeting a stranger anymore the second he sees his baby blue through the window. Lance rushes inside and the second she spots him she paws at the carrier door with a sweet little meow. He's cooing over her and letting her out to make sure she's safe when he finally looks up to see her knight in shining armor.

And wow....this guy is hot.

Dark hair, deep eyes, leather jacket and gloves.

Dude looks straight out of a Harley magazine despite the beat up pick-up in the parking lot Lance is positive belongs to him.

As blue snuggles into Lances hold he looks at Keith with the first genuine smile he's had in days "thank you, I-I don't even know what to say? I can't thank you enough how on earth did you manage this?"

Keith just gestures for lance to sit down across from him, so he does, and smiles "I have my ways."

Oh? Well Lance has to know now "go on share the deets. I can offer you whatever you want off the menu as payment."

The other man snorts "it's fine I'll share without pay...This time."

"Oh? How generous of you."

Keith leans forward on the table "your ex was already on dating apps. I pretended I'd take him on a good date and went home with him. The second he left to get pretty for me I took the cat and ran, he's a douche."

That...what not at all what Lance expected to hear. His jaw was on the floor. He laughed in surprised awe "you...you got my cat back by luring him into false security??"

Keith's brow lifts "what like it's hard? He's the one that fell for it and got uno reverse robbed. I don't know what you saw in him."

That only gets lance to laugh harder "yeah, I don't either."

They spend the rest of the early morning chatting and eventually exchanging phone numbers.

On the way out Keith stops him though "actually, I changed my mind I do want payment."

"Oh yeah? Like what"

He smiles "how about a date?"

Lance is left breathless in the light of the rising sun "you won't be robbing me now, will you?"

"and if I say I am?"

"what do you aim to steal from me mr.criminal?"

Keith leans in just slightly "your heart? If things go well."

Lance gives him a quick peck on the cheek "yeah, yeah I can do that."

No one believes Lance when he says he got a new boyfriend because the guy stole his cat back from his ex.

[bingbongsupremacy]

yes part 2 please, and of pen pals and how to kiss

Wish You'd Make Me Cry Pt. 2

I'm working on the other 2 rn as well. Should be out in a couple days if not today!

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader

Warnings: Alcoholic Ellie, Cursing

Summary: Ellie realizes she's been taking her anger out on you, but is it too late to save your relationship?

Idea from the song : Wish You'd Make Me Cry by UPSAHL

*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt.3

Pt. 3 on the way.

***** Third P.O.V. *****

Snow crunches beneath Ellie's tattered converses'. Anger and frustration seethe through her body, getting worse the more she thinks back on her conversation with Y/N.

'What the fuck does she mean. I do talk to her. I talk to her all the fucking time.'

Ellie yanks open the squeaky bar door. A few heads snap towards the direction of the sound, quickly turning away once they spot the angry woman. She's not one to mess with when angry.

Ellie takes a seat at her usual spot at the bar.

" Hey, Ellie. What can I get ya tonight? " Jesse greets.

" A drink. " She replies curtly. All she needs is a fucking drink. It's what helps her forget. It's the only reliable thing in her life. Alcohol doesn't lie and it sure as hell doesn't argue.

Jesse lets out a sigh. He can tell she'd had more than enough to drink already. " I don't know, Ellie..." He replies gently, not wanting to piss her off anymore.

Ellie looks up at the man. " Jesse, just get me a fucking drink, alright? I don't need you to do whatever the fuck you're doing. You're not my father. "

Jesse throws his hands up in surrender. " Whoa, calm down, Ellie. What the hell is wrong with you tonight? " He grabs a glass, against his better judgement, and pours a little moonshine into the glass. He passes it Ellie who immediately takes a sip.

" Fucking Y/N. " She mutters while wiping off her mouth. All her rage from the night seems to pour out uncontrollably. " I don't get what their fucking problem is. No matter what I fucking do I'm never right. I go on patrol, I come home and I want to relax, right? And all they wants to do is fucking talk about shit we've talked about a million times. It's always the same thing with them. ' How did this happen. ' " Ellie mocks Y/N. " ' How did it get this way '. I don't fucking know, Jesse. I honestly don't know. "

Jesse patiently listens to Ellie rant. He'd heard about the couples' marital problems from Y/N before, but never Ellie. Ellie's not one to share about their relationship.

Ellie takes a breath. " When I used to look at Y/N I felt this... " Ellie's brows furrow. " I felt this strong love. I felt like I couldn't breath without them. Like I'd die without Y/N nearby. Now...I constantly feel like I'm suffocating in my own home. And-and I don't know why. I don't know why I'm such a fucking cunt to Y/N. It's just whenever I see their face I feel so trapped. " Ellie finishes. Guilt rises in Ellie's stomach. She'd never admitted her feelings to anyone.

Jesse nods slowly. " Do you think that maybe this all started last year when you guys got married? " He asks, nodding to the small silver band around Ellie's finger.

Ellie looks down at the glimmering jewelry. She'd spent weeks looking for the perfect ring for Y/N. She'd learned pretty early on that Y/N wanted to get married, and she wanted to make sure she found the perfect ring. All she wanted to do was make Y/N happy.

Ellie thinks back to when she proposed, taking Jesses' words into deep consideration. Did this happen because they got married. Ellie hadn't been completely truthful when she'd told Y/N she didn't want to get married. In reality, she'd been pretty excited to propose. She just needed something to say she new would hurt Y/N.

" I don't know. " Ellie sighs while running a hand through her hair.

Jesse thinks before lowering his voice. " Do you think you could be taking your anger at Joel out on Y/N. "

Ellie hadn't thought of that. The week before Joel died Ellie found out what he did at the hospital. She was fucking livid. She didn't talk to him at all. She never got to say goodbye.

She never told Y/N.

Ellie decided to bury it. Joel wasn't here anymore so it didn't need to be addressed. At least that's what she thought.

Sure he'd sometimes creep into her thoughts at night. She'd wonder if he died thinking she hated him. She really didn't. She wondered if there was any way she could've saved him.

The easiest way to kill the thoughts was to drink. The memories seemed to blur when alcohol was involved.

Jesse takes Ellie's silence as an answer. " You need to talk to Y/N. You need to be honest and tell them what's going on with you. They don't deserve to be left in the dark because you don't know how to deal with your shit. That's not how relationships work. You're going to lose them if you don't get it together. " Jesse grabs the empty glass from in front of Ellie. " You're destroying yourself and your partner. "

Ellie's stomach sinks. She hadn't thought about how what she did to deal with Joel might have been affecting Y/N. All she wanted was a little relief from the never ending thoughts that raced through her mind.

With a groan, Ellie stands up. She needs to fix what she fucked up.

_____

All hopes of Y/N still being awake are immediately crushed as Ellie walks up to their dark house. She quietly opens up the front door.

She tosses her coat to the side before making her way to the couch. There's no way in hell Y/N would let her in the bed after what happened.

Ellie lets out a small sigh, trying to make herself as comfortable as possible. She needs to make this right.

_____

Sunlight pouring in from a the window wakes Ellie up. She sits up, immediately getting a headache. She makes her way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. A small glimmer catches her eye. Ellie peers down across the counter at the silver object.

A ring. 'Y/N's ring.'

Ellie picks up the ring in confusion, flipping it over in confusion. She grabs the small paper underneath, her heart dropping as soon as she reads the words.

Ellie,

I'm done. I'm done fighting for whatever the hell this is. You're right, we never should've gotten married, especially not this young. We're not ready for this.

I've tried talking to you. I don't know what else to do. I don't know what the fuck I did to make you so upset all the time. You're free now, Ellie.

I'm sorry you felt pressured into marrying me. I really loved you, Els. I really did.

Y/N

Ellie really fucked up this time.

Ellie's heart begins to pound faster. She drops the ring and note onto the counter before bolting up the stairs. She pushes open the door with fear in her heart.

Empty.

Ellie opens up the closet to reveal your half empty and a suitcase gone.

" Fuck! " Ellie grabs her hair in frustration. " She sits on the end of the bed, staring down at her knees. " Fuck fuck fuck. " Panic runs through Ellies' head. 'Where the hell could they be?'

Suddenly a name pops into Ellie's head. 'Dina'

Ellie jumps up from the bed. She hurries out of the house, not bothering to lock it up. She needs to get to Y/N. She needs to fix what she fucked up.

She only hopes you accept her apology.

A few minutes later, Ellie arrives on Dina's porch. She knocks on the door, her foot tapping anxiously.

Hushed whispering pours out through the other side of the door. Ellie's heart clenches, hoping Y/N's at least here and safe.

The door opens up slightly to reveal Dina. She gives Ellie a tight, sympathetic smile. " Hey. "

" Is Y/N here? " Ellie rushes.

Dina's eyes fall back into the house. She hesitates for a second before responding with a head shake. " No. "

Ellie narrows her eyes. " Don't lie to me, Dina. I know they're here. I just need to talk to them. Please. Just-just let me talk to Y/N. "

Dina's eyes wander back into the house. " I'm sorry, Ellie. Y/N doesn't want to talk to you right now. "

Ellie lets out a sigh. " Yeah, I get it. Just...let them know I'm sorry. Please? I'm really fucking sorry. And I have a lot to talk to them. I know it might be too late but...fuck...I have to try. "

Dina nods and moves back to close the door. " I will. Bye, Ellie. "

Ellie watches as Dina disappears behind the door.

For the first time in months, the alcohol isn't here to shield her from her pain.

Sorry forgor to tag u . Do you guys want to be tagged? Lmk.

@octavias-next-meat-bite

[timmyscomputer]

I Pinky Promise

Chris Sturniolo x reader

Summary:reader and Chris have a weird but enjoyable night or day?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Chris POV)

As I'm playing Fortnite with Matt and Nate.

I noticed I was kind of hungry so I reached for my snack I realized I was all out while I was looking I didn't realize Nate killed me

"NATE WHAT THE FU-"I'm cut off as my door opens I look to see a confused y/n

"Sorry I didn't realize I was being loud" I

Let out quickly. "Oh that's not what I came in here for", she said. "Okay, then why did you?" I asked while turning my chair towards her. "Because I'm gonna go home so I wanted to say bye" "What you're leaving now" "Yes I have work tomorrow and I want to be there on time"

"Baby please stay," I say while I hold out my hands with the best puppy eyes I can muster. "Sorry bubs I gotta go but I'll see you tomorrow after work I promise" Pinky promise," I say while holding out my pinky.

"Pinky promise," she said while interlocking Pinky's. She turned around to leave before quickly turning back and kissing me then she left. I turned back around to continue playing when I put back on my headphones "Mwah mwah oh please stay y/nnnnnn" "Yeah I just love you so much" "Oh fuck off".

~~~~~~ TIME SKIP ~~~~~~

(Y/N POV)

2:15 am

My clock stared at me I just couldn't sleep

I've tried for like three hours now and I just can't so I decided to get up and go to the store as I'm getting ready I decide to go to Chris's and see if he wants to join me too. As I'm heading downstairs my phone rings weird. (that's hella suspicious 🤨)

I pick it up it's my boss "Hey is something wrong?" "Uhm yes my husband just had a heart attack so I'm just calling to say I'm not opening the store tomorrow" "Oh my are you ok uhm thanks for letting me know I hope he is doing ok" "he seems to be doing ok" "that's fantastic I hope he ends up okay" "me too sorry to call you so late" " no it's fine I'll see you next week"

"See you next week bye" "Bye," I say while hanging up that's just terrible I think.

As I arrive at Chris's I knock and Nick answers the door looking confused "Uh hi" "Hey I know I left a while ago but I don't have work so is Chris awake?" "I think Idk can check" "ok bye" As I walk into Chris's room I notice him on his bed scrolling on tik tok I assume "Hey baby" He greets me "Hi bubs" "I thought you had work" " I don't anymore wanna go to the gas station with me?" "Sure I'd love to let me get my shoes" As were walking to the gas station holding hands and making random

Conversation. I notice a random guy staring at us but I ignore it entering the gas station we go to the candy section grabbing a bunch of different kinds we also grab two Pepsi and head to check out. We're walking home now laughing and acting like kids enjoying the moment.

Once we finally make it back we snuggle onto his bed watching a movie and eating a bunch of junk food we eventually pass

Out.

^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×^×

Ok so this is kinda bad but in order to get better you got keep writing I'm so fuckin tired didn't force my sister to proof read this one it's late I worked on this for like two hours I love you so much goodnight

[borderlinereminders]

I'd like to see more on what the symptoms of bpd actually are. Like, I know the rough idea and can infer a few from your coping strategies but I feel that more explicitly saying 'these are the official/listed symptoms and this is my experience with them' would help.

Burnout is hard, so I hope you take every day as it comes and use your personal self-care discord server, which is a really good idea by the way!!! I hope it gets better for you soon and have a nice? positive? better? good? relaxing? improving? peaceful? serene? awesome??? day.

Hi anon,

I don't actually relate to a lot of the symptoms any more, but I can share how I used to relate to them before making as much progress in recovery as I have.

Big disclaimer that a lot of the stuff I did in the past wasn't okay, and I am in no way saying that all people with BPD do things like I did or have done. Please don't use my bad choices in the past as any sort of "proof" to be ableist to those with BPD or other personality disorders. As was said in the anon's ask, these are my experience.

This is a long response, so putting it below the read more.

These are the "official" symptoms for BPD - but I also think a lot of information about BPD out there is outdated and inaccurate. I copy and pasted the wording of the bolded part from a web page about BPD.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment This one I used to experience a lot more, but I do still occasionally feel these thoughts creeping in (the worry that people will abandon me) but I no longer engage in reacting to those thoughts/feelings. For me, I'd be happy when I was with someone but I think due to a lack of emotional permanence, I used to be afraid people were going to leave me when they weren't near me. The second I wasn't around them, all the reassurance went away and I'd find myself panicking and doing things (not healthy things) to try and make sure they didn't leave. Ironically, these things usually ended up pushing this to become a self-fulfilling prophecy and I lost those people anyways as a result of sometimes toxic, and usually unhealthy behaviours.

Unstable relationships This isn't really the case for me anymore due to finding better coping mechanisms, but a lot of my relationships were unstable largely due to my efforts to avoid abandonment, but also due to me not being able to handle my emotions in a healthy way. People usually ended up having to put a lot of effort/energy into a friendship with me. I'm not saying it's wrong for friends to need to help you or things like that, but at this point in my life, I needed help all the time. And a lot of the things I needed help with weren't necessarily reasonable. I think I experienced a lot of "learned helplessness."

These relationships were often unstable for me as a result of my "splitting" as well. This was the switch between idealization to devaluation. Someone could be good, and perfect until they did something that I saw as "bad", or "wrong" or something like that and then they were "bad" and "terrible." While I still find that I experience splitting now, my coping mechanisms allow me to move through it more quickly and not let it impact how I act (because I always know deep down that it is temporary and reacting on it usually hurts both me and my loved one.)

Unclear or shifting self-image For me, I used to switch my hobbies and interests depending on the people I was most involved with at the time. I'd frequently go back and forth between thinking I'm a terrible person to feeling good about myself.

Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors My impulsive behaviours were usually to engage in self-harm, but also to say/do things on a spur of the moment due to emotions. For example, it might have been the way I lashed out and accused a friend of hating me and not caring (driving them away) because they hung out with another friend rather than stepping back to realize that it wasn't a justifiable response. What I needed was some time to look at the facts clearly before reacting.

Impulsive behaviours can also include things like substances, spending, sex, etc.

Self-harm I'm not going to get into specifics of this because I don't think it's necessary but I do want to say that sometimes self-harm behaviours aren't as obvious as you might think. For some people, doing a certain thing can be good for them but someone can also use that same behaviour in a self-harm way. Something doesn't have to be inherently harmful (like physically harming one's self) to be a self-harming behaviour. What really matters is your intent when engaging in the behaviour and how it makes you feel. (For example, someone may thrive off alone time, but someone else may isolate themselves as a way to harm themselves.)

Extreme emotional swings I experienced a lot of these due to a lack of emotional permanence. When I was happy, I was so happy and nothing could bring me down. But when I was sad, it was so crushingly sad and it was the only emotion that was real. It was the one true emotion and it was hard to understand that it wasn't forever because I couldn't recall any other emotions, even in memories.

Chronic feelings of emptiness I still experience this, though not as much. Usually in the winter months, or the time leading up to my time of month. Sometimes it's almost like feeling numb for me. it can feel like everything is "dark" in me or that there is a hole in me. Sometimes I'd do extreme things to try and "feel" and fill the hole, but nothing worked.

Explosive anger I've worked on this a lot, but I used to snap and lash out at people. I still feel the extreme anger, but what I've worked on is helping manage why it happens. For example. I used to get super angry when my friends didn't do the things I needed/wanted or didn't notice I was sad. This improved once I realized that it was unfair of me to expect them to be a mind reader, and even if someone wasn't able to help didn't mean they didn't care. I've worked a lot on myself. But often the explosive anger would lead me to self harm or engage in other impulsive behaviours.

Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality For me, this was feeling "outside" of my own body. Like I was watching my life happen to someone else, almost like a movie or a dream. (I struggle with this still now, mostly when I feel empty.)

[warmaidensrevenge]

You came. You called

Joseph Quinn x plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

Ok this is gonna get intense.

Warnings: 18+ angst, fluff, heartache, and sexual situations.

Not proof read and no word count.

Part 5

😓

You woke up crying at the beautiful dream you had. It wasn't real. The life you dreamed of wasn't real. Your happiness was gone in an instant. You cried until you couldn't cry anymore. How was it that one person could make you feel all of this? Even after it's been 2 months since the breakup. You still got good morning and good night texts from Joseph. But you wished it would stop. He was making it incredibly hard to move on. Especially since his face was plastered everywhere. 

You got up and found Colin doing some school work. Your sniffles gave you his attention.

“Colin. It happened again.”

“Shit come here friend.”

You went to him on the couch and hugged him. 

“Which one was is this time?”

You wiped your tears. “ The one where I was pregnant.”

“Oh man. I’m sorry. What can I do?”

You took a shallow breath. “There’s nothing anyone can do. It’s just gonna take time.”

“I really thought he was gonna try after that night.”

“Why would he? He already made his decision...I just don’t understand how the universe allowed some people to meet, when there’s no way for them to be together. The truth is I laughed hard with him. I trusted him with my heart. He saw me. The real me....Why wasn’t I good enough Colin?”

“Okay bitch what we’re not going to do is shit on ourselves. So that’s enough of that. It’s not your fault that he’s being a shit for brains.”

“See I know this. But he just brings out all of my feelings. The good and the bad. Hearing his voice still gives me a warm feeling. I still get butterflies when I see his pictures. I read all of our old texts and saw how happy we were. He is still the first and last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I still have pictures of us and look at them and smile so much that my cheeks hurt.”

"THAT'S IT! GET YOUR ASS UP RIGHT NOW!"

You jumped when he yelled and got up pulling your hand.

"We are gonna burn his shit."

" No poop."

"Yes! It's the only way to move on. And block his number."

"Colin."

"No y/n. This needs to stop right now. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

You watched as he pulled every picture you had of you and Joe and shoved them into the small metal trashcan you had in your room. He grabbed the stuffed animals Joe gave you from his visits overseas. He went through your draws and took out the LAMDA shirt.

"Colin no. Not the shirt."

"Yes we need to get everything."

You followed him outside as he lit the stuff on fire. Tears ran down your face as you watched your time with Joe turn to ash. Maybe Colin was right. Maybe this is what you needed to get over him. You went back into your room after locking the door. You laid down looking at your phone. It was one o'clock in the morning. You sat there on Joe's contact info. Moving your thumb back and forth on the block and delete setting. You didn't want to and maybe you should have. But you just couldn't. Instead of blocking him you called.

The phone kept on ringing until you got his voicemail mail. You hadn't heard his voice in so long that you felt your heart sink. When you hear the beep you paused before you spoke.

" Hey it's me. I just wanted to see how things were. I hope everything is going well. I need to say something. Because chances are I'll never get a moment like this again. So this is everything I wanted to say. No one has ever gotten to me the way that you did. No one has ever made me laugh like you did. You were honestly the only one I saw myself happy with. You are my definition of love. And I would like to think if we never speak again, one day you'll look back on me as someone who wasn't scared of the future when you were by my side. I'd like to think that you'll remember me as someone who loved you, the best I could. I'd like to think that as somebody you could have spent your life with, if only I was honest with you from the beginning. If only the timing would have been right. If only we had worked just a bit harder. I'm sorry. But I got to let you go. I can't have you message me anymore. It's just too hard. Goodbye Quinn."

You hung up. " I love you." You deleted his number and cried yourself to sleep.

...

After the phone call Joe wanted to run to you. He wanted to tell you that he was being stupid and stubborn. But knowing that you were drunk he wanted to talk to you sober. He has planned on doing it soon but he has so much work to do. That he was gonna be out of the country the next few months. And as luck would have it that night when he punched Jamie he had broken his phone. So he had to wait for another one. He finally got a new one, three weeks later. And he immediately started sending you texts in the morning and night in hopes that when he came back you would talk to him and he would win you back.

It wasn't until the following day that he heard your message. He was distraught. He called you right after, but it went straight to voicemail. He called you none stop for an hour. When he couldn't get ahold of you he set so many messages that the screen was filled with a one sided conversation. Pleads, apologies, and begs for you to call him back filled what seemed like pages. He tried Colin but still no response.

That's when he sent the voicemail to Jamie. He called him just 2 minutes later.

"Joe are you a'right?"

He shook his head on the verge of tears. " No mate. Have-Have I lost her?"

" I...I don't know. Have you tried calling her?"

" She won't answer. Her and Colin cells go straight to voicemail and they are not reading my messages."

"I'm sorry Joseph. I think they might have blocked you."

" So she's gone now?" His voice broke

" I don't know. I will call her and see what's going on."

"Y-yeah." He said while hanging up.

...

You spent the following day out and about with Colin. You guys passed by this theater that was holding open auditions for The Walking Dead. Colin convinced you to go and try it out. You thought it would actually be cool to play a zombie. Ever since Joe you wanted to try new things. And though this was out of your comfort zone you wanted to do this. A small part of you would hope that Joe would see you and be proud.

Colin went first. He was reading a part that was for a new character. You had thought you guys would be zombies but when someone handed you a script you read over it. Your eyes were saucers. You were not expecting this. Your phone buzzed and you saw that it was Jamie. You were gonna answer it but they called out your name. So you turned off your phone to go out and did a reading.

You pretended to pull off a backpack and opened it. You looked up and the person who was reading.

It came so naturally that it surprised even you. I'm the beginning you were so nervous, but once you got to the monologue portion you just ran with it. You said your thank yous and went to wait with Colin to watch all the other performers. When everyone was done the producers called out names for the ones they wanted to read again and all the others could leave. When they call you and Colin you guys were so giddy. This time though they gave you a different script. You were to read the part of Adelaide. (Ada for short). It was a scene where the character was answering the 3 questions Daryl Dixon asked. The character was supposed to be his new love interest.

-

"How many walkers have you killed?"

"218. Well 219 after that one." You said nodding to the zombie you just saved him from.

"How many people have you killed?"

You pretend to pull out some smacks and fed it to his dog.

" 2"

" Why?"

You stood up and sighed. You brushed your nose with your index finger and looked up. Fighting back tears of anger and clenched your fist.

" And cut." The producer shouted. " alright Miss L/N we would love for you to join the cast. Would you like the part of Adelaide?"

" Because they raped and killed my sister. Using her body for bate."

-

" Ummm." You looked at Colin and he nodded. "Yes! I would like that very much. Thank you!"

You and Colin went out to celebrate. Now not partaking in any inhibitors you filled up on fries and milkshakes. You haven't eaten a carb for almost 2 years now. It was heaven. In the middle of celebrating you return Jamie’s call. After a brief conversation you told him about the role you just got. You asked him about Joe and he said he was fine. He asked for you to call him but you refused.

...

Jamie called Joe back after he hung up with you.

“Is she a’right?” Joe was concerned

“Yes Joseph she more than a’right. She just got offered a part in this show called The Walking Dead.”

What?

“But she’s scared of being on stage. I don’t understand. How is this possible?”

“I have no idea. But she seems very happy.”

She’s happy?

“Is she willing to speak to me?”

She is better off without me.

“Joe, I don’t think it’s the best idea. She’s been having a rough go around after the break up. Colin said she’s finally smiling again. Even eating normally now.”

“But I love her mate. I wanted to be with her since the phone call.”

“I know that. But I’m going to be brutally honest with you. Had you had no time in the past month to talk to her? I know you’re busy but we are all busy and still we sre able to make time for our love ones.”

“I wanted to talk to her face to face. Not over some messages or through a phone call.”

“Okay if that’s true why haven’t you come home to talk to her. I’m sure you had a free day or two.”

“It is true. And I wanted more than just a day with her.”

“Joe if you really wanted to be with her. No amount of time would have stopped you from seeing her. Every moment you spent with her would have been worth it. I know you love her. I was supposed to be your best man. But do you think that maybe you didn’t try sooner was because you’re still afraid of hurting her or have her get hurt again by someone else? Or maybe you think you don’t deserve someone like her?”

“I-I don’t know.”

Jamie sighed “ Okay let me ask you this. How would it make you feel if you never saw her again?”

He took a second before taking a deep slow breath. “It would hurt even more than it does now. I would be lost without her. My universe would collapse. I would rather walk this world alone if not with her.”

“Joseph, I know that this is how you feel but you never gave yourself time to actually consider how she feels about this. Of course you know she is madly in love with you. But after that call do you really think it’s wise to make her feel all the sadness again? Don’t get me wrong. I love her for you. But it seems to me that you are uncertain of what you want. You do know that there are some people that are just meant to be a season for you. A light to pull you out of the darkness. No matter how deeply you’re in love with that person or no matter how much you shared your heart. There will come a time where you have to say to yourself. Is the love we share worth sorrow. Is it worth all the tears. It was like she fell out of the sky for you. I believe that the best type of love is unexpected. You meet them by fate and it’s an instant connection and the chemistry you have is undeniable. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they look at you or the color of their eyes. You either feel insanely lucky or completely fucked. What I’m trying to say is I know the love you shared is worth it. But give yourself time to find each other again. Grow so that you can be the best for each other. Because when you finally do, nothing and no one will be able to tear you apart again.”

Joe knew now exactly what he had to do. And that was to let you go. Just so that you could come back to him one day. He was going to be better not only for himself but for you. He was going to be strong and he was going to work out his career so that he can be with you whenever he wanted. He would make sure that everything was ready for you when you came back. He is going to make you were safe and he was going to make sure that you would never question his love for you. That he will never be the reason you cried tears of sadness ever again.

...

It was the first few weeks of filming and man was Georgia hot. Everyone was incredibly nice. You had no idea how much went into making a series like this. You had loved the show and now you were a part of it. The make up looked so real on the zombies it actually scared the shit out of you. You were joined by more new characters than you thought. Bill Skarsgard had actually picked up a role too. It was a bit overwhelming at first but everyone made it as painless as possible.

You were in a total of 14 episodes with the promise of returning next season. Your scenes took about 3 months to shoot. Colin has gotten a role too but he died immediately. The producers kept him on as a zombie. Which was cool as hell..they wanted you to be comfortable and know you would be there alone, so they helped out with Colin.

Today was the day you had the sex scene with Norman Reedus. You were extremely nervous. Not because you were gonna be "having" sex on screen but this would be the first time you kissed anyone since Quinn. You still thought about him every day. You wished him well every morning and hoped he slept well every night. You still missed him very much but today made things change slightly.

The scene was shot and though it was weird, Norman was so sweet. His beard reminded you of when Quinns used to scratch you a bit. Kissing him was nice and though you guys didn't actually have sex. It was nice having someone that close to you. It was a good afternoon. Until it wasn't. You and Colin were having lunch when you guys overheard some extras talking about you and Quinn. Everyone knew about the incident. Everyone was so kind about it and no one brought it up until a month into shooting.

They were saying how you only got the spot because the director thought he could get Joseph to join next season as the new villain. Colin stood up from the table and went to approach the assholes. That's when Bill came and sat next to you with his sandwich.

* Hey that's not true. People here are so dramatic."

" Hey Bill. I know it's not. I just don't want everyone thinking that."

" Please, the people who actually matter don't think that."

You smiled at him and he returned it. Colin came back after giving the extras and earful. He was happy to see Bill and you talking and sitting so close to each other. Colin began flirting with him, making Bill laugh at his attempts.

" So I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me sometime?"

You thought Bill was asking Colin but Colin kicked you under the table.

"Oww what the-" you looked up from your food was met with Colin's eyes widened and slightly nudging to Bill who was looking at you with a beautiful smile.

You were at a loss for words. Today was definitely a weird one. " I uhh."

"Yes. She would love to." Colin answered for you.

You gave Bill a nervous smile before blushing and looking back down.

" She's shy huh?" Bill asked Colin.

" Just a bit but she's totally ok with hanging out."

"Um guys. You do know I can hear you right?" You said awkwardly.

" Well then say something bitch."

You kicked Colin so hard that he jumped. And Bill just chuckled.

"Umm dinner sounds nice."

Bill looked at you and smiled. "Great. How about tonight? My place?"

Shit

" Su-sure"

"Here give me your phone and I'll put in my number and the address of my hotel."

You handed him your phone and gave Colin a look. He was smirking at his success in getting you a date. When Bill was finished he handed back your phone and grazed your hand. You were flustered for a moment before receiving a text from Colin.

" Seriously how the fuck are you getting these damn actors? Do you have some magic vagina you forgot to tell me about?"

You ignored it and finished your lunch talking about the scene with Colin and Bill. You felt Bill's thigh pressed up against yours ever so often and it actually made you uncomfortable. You really didn't want to go out on a date with him. But now you were in it and you couldn't back out. Colin would've made sure you didn't.

You were getting dressed in the hotel room you and Colin insulted the way you were dressed.

" Please tell me you're not gonna wear that."

" What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

" Bitch you need to dress hot. And shave your damn legs."

"No! I'm not going to sleep with him."

" Why not?! He's so fucking hot!"

" Yes he is poop. But you know why."

" Fuck Joe. Just get it in. I'm sure Bill can make you forget all about him."

" I don't want to forget about him. I still love him."

" Yeah I know you do. But you need to try and move on."

" I know but I don't want to move on with anyone else. I just want to be alone."

" Well you can still be alone. Just hook up with him. I know your ass is horny. I hear the buzzing when you go into the shower."

"Stop it l. No you don't."

" Yes I do bitch. And it's cool. When you're gone I bust out my nine inch and go to town."

"EWW!"

" Shut up you know masturbating feels good. Don't deny it."

" I'm not. You're just over sharing."

" And? That's what we do."

You rolled your eyes and didn't change after all.

Dinner was pleasant. Bill was very nice. He asked what happened with Joe and you told him that you guys were on a break. You explained how you weren't interested in hooking up. Because you could tell that he wanted to. Though he seemed bummed he agreed to be just friends. Well for now he thought.

After 3 months of shooting you and Bill became close. Once Colin died in the show he went back home. Leaving you to the charms of a Skarsgard. You haven't stopped liking Quinn. But you also haven't started like Bill. So it was awkward to say the least.

...

It was a few months later that the season was released and you were beyond excited. The amount of love you got for being a plus size actress was incredible. Sure there were some haters but their comments were overshadowed by the love. Sometimes people would mention what happened with the incident but all were apologetic. There was even a fan page shipping you and Norman. Even a silly petition for you and Quinn to get back together. It was cute but it also hurt. You had seen that Quinn was hanging out with some models lately and it hurt. You thought that if you waited and stayed alone that one day your paths would cross and you guys could try again. But when you saw that he was working on returning to Stranger things. He wasn't going to be around. It took forever to film episodes so you knew he wouldn't be attending any Cons when the cast of The Walking Dead would have a table.

You hadn't seen him in months and you really hadn't been searching for him. You were just as busy as he used to be. Now you understood how he was able to get held back so often instead of coming home right away. Many interviews and photo sessions and promotions, you barely had anytime to yourself. It was okay though because you had Bill to count on when you felt home sick. He was really kind and patient with you. You knew he wanted more than just a friendship, but you couldn't give that to him just yet. After all this time you still weren't over Quinn.

You were in LA for a Meet and greet/Con when Jamie invited to his place for a small gathering. He was on a few days break while they filmed scenes without him. He told you that Quinn was in London visiting his parents. You were disappointed because you really missed him. You had started to forget how his voice sounded. How his touch felt. How soft his lips were. How his dick felt and it hurt you more than words could describe.

So you and Bill attended the party. You had missed Jamie so much. You held him so tightly that it brought tears to your eyes. You were gonna introduce Bill but him and Jamie were already acquainted.

" Günther, nice seeing you again." Jamie shook his hand and chuckled at one of Bill's middle names.

" Jimmy Jam how goes it?"

" it's going good. Mind if I borrow y/n for a moment."

He nodded and Jamie pulled you into the kitchen. Hugging you again.

" Oh love I have missed you."

" I miss you. How are things? How is Quinn?"

He let you go still with his hands on your shoulders. " Everything is fine. He's ok. Misses you."

You smiled sweetly. " I miss him."

" I know love. But what's going on with Skarsgard?"

You looked over to Bill and he smiled and waved at you. You return the wave with a grin.

" Nothing's going on. We are just good friends."

" Are you sure about that? The way he looks at you. Seems like he wants more than that."

You looked back at Jamie remembering the woman Quinns has been seen with.

" Well yes I know how he feels. He tells me. But I'm not ready. I just want my heart to heal before I take that step."

" So you like him then?"

" Umm yes and no." You said moving away from Jamie to get yourself a snack of cheese and crackers. " He's very kind and smart...but he's not Quinn. Don't get me wrong we have a lot of fun together. I just don't know how it will be when we are together.... I haven't been with anyone since Quinn and I'm not sure if Bill would still like me if we kissed. And what if he doesn't like my body?"

" That's ridiculous. You're beautiful. Any man would be crazy to not love you and want to be with you."

Your face fell and your heart sank.

Not Quinn though.

Jamie noticed your demeanor and put an arm around your shoulders. "He loved you as best as he could."

"I know. It's fine. I don't want to talk about him anymore."

The night was lovely and you and Bill left. Jamie called Joe right away.

" Joe I know you're visiting you mum. But there's a con in 2 days and you really need to be here."

" What? Why?"

" Just trust me. You need to be here."

Joe agreed and got on the first plane out. His agent scheduled him as a surprise guest appearance with Jamie and a few others who were off from shooting.

When you and Bill left he walked you to your room. Telling you he had such a good time and he wanted to take you out tomorrow. You agree and he suddenly gave you a kiss goodnight. You weren't expecting it and you were quite shocked to be honest. It was nice. Really nice. His was a very good kisser. You hadn't expected to be as into it as you were. But when he pushed you up against the door you had to stop. It was too much for you. He let up so you could catch your breath. After you did he gave you a gentle kiss and said his good nights before leaving with a huge grin on his pretty face.

When you went into the room you leaned against the door and touched your lips. Your eyes started to swell with tears. You closed your eyes to fight them and you were successful. Quinn didn't want you so it's time that you stopped wanting him. You went to bed that night while still touching your lips. The kiss was really good. But there was no spark. You didn't feel anything. That's when you knew you had to tell Bill.

The following day you broke it to him and surprisingly he took it very well. He said that he felt something but knew after the party seeing all Joe's friends would bring back old feelings. He apologized and said he wanted to remain friends until you were ready to be with him. You didn't know if that would ever happen but you did know you wanted him to be around. Maybe one day things could happen and a part of you looked forward to the day when loving Quinn wouldn't hurt so much.

...

It was Con day and you were so excited. You were answered questions left and right sitting between Bill and Norman. There were a lot of questions about you dating either one of them and you just laughed at the question and said the Normans lady would probably kick your butt. You didn't give an answer for Bill but that was ok. He put his hand on your lower back when a question about Quinn came up. He actually interrupted by saying we were here to talk about The Walking Dead. After about an hour or so you and the rest of the main cast went to do the meet and greet. You took loads of pics and signed as many autographs as you could until your hand hurt. Once you were out of things to sign you went to watch the table talk with the cast of Stranger Things. You and Bill stood in the back laughing at Jamie joking around with Sadie. About half way through the host announced a special guest.

" Give it up for Joseph Quinn!"

The crowd went absolutely bonkers. Your smile fell and it felt like your heart dropped to your ass. He wasn't supposed to be here. When he walked out he never looked so good. He was clean shaven and had that big beautiful smile you loved so much. When he said hello you felt butterflies in your stomach. You didn't notice you were holding Bill's hand. But it comforted you when you finally felt it. You wanted to leave but your feet wouldn't listen to you. You watched in aww as he addressed his fans. When he finally sat down he started answering questions. You saw him whisper to Jamie and he looked rather upset. But then the next fan went up to the mic cutting their little conversation short. Jamie found your eyes and gave you a small wave. You returned it with a thin lip smile.

" Hey Joe. I just want to say that I love you."

" aww thank you" he replied with a grin.

" umm did you know that y/n was added to the cast of The Walking Dead?"

" Erm yeah I heard about it. She was really good in it."

" How did you feel when you saw her making out with Norman Reedus?"

He laughed nervously not wanting to answer. You squeezed Bill's hand tighter when the fan said your name.

" Hey let's go." Bill whispered in your ear.

You finally were able to move your feet when a few members of the audience started saying your name.

Shit.

" She's here right now Joe." Someone said.

" Where?" He got up and shielded his eyes from the stage lights.

That's when his eyes found yours. His big brown fawn eyes were just slits now from the big smile he had on.

" Y/N!" He shouted and ran off the small stage towards you.

You looked up at Bill and he gave you a smile. " It's gonna be ok. I'm right here if you need me."

You nodded and looked back at Quinn who was just a few feet away. He noticed you were holding hands with some guy that looked familiar. He was a bit upset when he saw that but once he saw your sweet soft smile it was pushed away to the back of his mind.

You let go of Bill's hand and shortened the distance to Quinn finally standing at arms length you guys grinned at each other.

" Ello sweetheart."

" Hi Quinn."

You guys stood there for a moment before you heard Jamie say to hug. You both laughed and did. The crowd cheered so loud you actually flinched. Joe felt that and pulled you closer. He was smelling your perfume while you breathed in his body wash. Maybe the hug went on for too long but neither one of you cared. It felt so good to be in each others arms again.

" A'right guys. The show must go on." Jamie interrupted. When you guys broke apart you saw Jamie smirking at his plan being a total success.

" Please join me for dinner tonight?" Joe whispered in your ear, giving you one last squeeze.

" Tell Jamie to get ahold of me and we'll work something out." You said hugging him back.

He nodded and went back upstage getting cheers.

You went back to Bill and walked out to the lobby. This conversation was definitely going to be awkward.

" I'm sorry that happened y/n."

" Don't be sorry. It was all Jamie. He likes to meddle." You said with a bit of nervousness in your voice.

There was this awkward silence as you walked back to the area where you guys arrived.

" I'm gonna have dinner with him tonight."

Bill looked at you and was obviously worried.

" Umm okay?"

" I'm sorry it's just. I need to know where I stand with him. It's been so long and at the end of the day. He's still my friend."

" You don't need to explain. I get it. But I'm glad you told me. I really like you and I know this is hard for you. But you need to know what's going on with this. Because I want all of you. I don't want to share your heart with someone else."

Oh fuck this isn't good.

" Just please don't do anything to wreck the progress you've made. You've been so strong. Don't let your feelings do something you're going to regret."

"I won't. I promise." You gave him a hug. You have to be strong for your sanity. You had to fight every urge to want to be with Quinn. Because Bill was right. You have come so far and your heart was just about fixed.

No matter what you were not going to sleep with Quinn.

...

When Joe left you he looked back and saw you with Bill leaving. He was jealous. When he sat back down he had a look of annoyance. He no longer wanted to answer questions. You were more beautiful than ever and he wanted to be with you.

Did you move on with him? Did you not love me anymore? You said you would wait.

Jamie put a hand on his shoulder noticing he's state of anger and sadness. He leaned over and covered the mic with his free hand.

" They are not together Joe. But you need to act fast." He whispered

Joe was still annoyed but he felt better knowing that you weren't seeing that attractive man. But he couldn't help thinking about what Jaime meant by acting fast. Was he losing you again? No he couldn't lose you again.

Never again.

-

He ended his appearance early so he could try and find you but you were already gone. He couldn't wait until tonight to ask you to try this again. Because this time he was ready.

He was staying with Jamie due to the short notice of him coming. When they finally got back he had so many questions for him. He and Jamie sat on the couch talking.

" Who was that guy?"

" uh that's Bill Skarsgard."

Skarsgard?

" Oh the guy from it."

" Oh yeah."

" What's going on with them?"

" uhh nothing...yet."

" What do you mean yet?"

Jamie hesitated to answer. " He's trying to be with her. She told me he kissed her the other night."

Joe's heart fell. " Did...did she kiss him back?"

" Joe.."

" Did she kiss him back?!"

" Yes"

" Fuck!.... no!"

" But Joseph, she said she felt nothing. She said she still loves you."

" Then why would she kiss him back?"

" Because she needed to see if she had feelings for him."

" Well obviously she does. She was holding his hand at the event."

" She was?"

" Yes! What have I done? Did I take too long?"

" No she misses you. That's why I said you need to act fast. I don't want them to get any closer than they already are. You guys are supposed to be together"

" What do I do?"

" Common Joe. You've been waiting so long. You know exactly what to do. You know exactly what to say. Just do it. Stop second guessing yourself. I'll make myself scarce tonight. Just please don't have sex anywhere but the guest bedroom."

" We are not having sex. I made a promise that we will be married before we do."

" Well good luck with that." Jamie got up and headed towards his room. " There is a box of 36 count of magnums in the bedside table. Feel free to use them all. I know you will"

" We are not-"

" Whatever you say Joseph. Maybe do that elbow thing." Jamie smirked and left.

We can't have sex. We shouldn't....But fuck I want to.

Joe had hooked up with only one person since you. But it was a mistake. He was in Ireland doing a music video and he was completely drunk off his ass. One of the pretty girls there that looked a lot like you was flirting with him. One thing led to another and he found himself in the pubs stall getting the absolute worst head. The only reason he came was because he pictured your beautiful full lips wrapped around his cock. Your beautiful eyes looking up at him with such love and lust he couldn't take it. He came quickly as he could and left feeling like a complete ass. Even though it was a mistake he knew what he was doing and he felt like he cheated on you. For weeks he beat himself up for it. And he still did. But today when he saw you all he could do was feel guilty. He planned on telling you tonight in hopes that one, you wouldn't hate him after and two that it would set the mood to not take you and make love to you on every surface on Jamie's house.

He was so flustered in the kitchen that he burned almost everything. He had planned on making you roasted chicken and sides when he kept setting off the fire alarm. He was so damn nervous that he just opted out and ordered takeout. It's not what he wanted but he had to. Time was moving against him without mercy.

He had just finished setting the table when he heard the front gate buzz. He went to the security monitor and saw you in a rental. He opened the gate and went outside to meet you. You pulled up and got out of the car. You were wearing anything particularly seductive or revealing. Just a plain black flowy skirt that was just above the knee with a white top that fitted you just a bit snug around the breasts, with sleeves that went down to your elbows. You had a silver necklace with a ring on it and your hair flowed freely. You looked so good that he wanted to take you on the roof of your rental. But when you smiled at him all he wanted was to kiss you.

" Hey Quinn."

" Ello sweetheart. You look lovely."

You hugged him with your arms under his. It still felt like home in his embrace. You guys stood there for what seemed like mere seconds but was actually a good ten minutes before Joe pulled away.

" Common my love. Dinner is getting cold."

You nodded and let him lead you in holding your hand. He pulled out the chair for you and took your keys setting them on the kitchen counter. You looked down and saw your favorite take out place in LA.

" How did you know this was my favorite?"

Joe grinned. " Jamie asked Colin."

" Oh I didn't know they talked. That's cute. Colin is in love with him."

" Really? Hmm maybe we should get them together."

" What? Jamie's not-"

" Well not completely. He's bisexual."

Your eyes widened and you couldn't believe you didn't know that.

" Yeah I know. He's very good at hiding it." Joe basically read your mind.

He sat down next to you and started to serve you and him. You watched happily only wishing he cooked instead. You missed that so much.

" Sorry I tried making dinner but I kind of burnt it."

" Quinn did you suddenly get telepathy or something?"

He chuckled. "No l. Why do you ask sweetheart?"

"Because I swear I was just thinking about how I missed your cooking."

He looked over to you and pressed his lips into a cute smile. He put down the serving spoon and pulled your hand into his rubbing circles with his thumb on the top.

" I'm glad I can still do that."

"Glad that you could still do what?" You said while looking down at your hands. You move your fingers and interlock them with his.

" Still be able to know what you're thinking. Without asking."

You closed your eyes and smiled sweetly. "I'm glad too."

After a brief moment of comfortable silence Joe's heavenly voice was deep and soft.

"Let's eat shall we?"

"Yes I'm starving." You said not letting go of his hand.

You guys had a great meal and an even better conversation. It was if you guys never had broken up. You clung to each other with every word that was said. After you helped Quinn clean up the kitchen so that Jamie wouldn't be upset with the mess that Quinn made. You moved as if you were still living together. Afterwards you guys settled on the couch.

" So how is it being the new face of The Walking Dead?"

" It's undescribable Quinn. I love being an influence to all the big girls out there. Letting them know that they can be anything they want to be."

" It's brilliant. That feeling you get."

" Yes. I know now why you love it so much."

It was getting late and all you wanted to do was kiss him. You wanted to see if you guys still had that spark. By the way you guys were tonight it seemed to still be there. But you needed to know for sure. You needed to know where your place was in his life. If you still had one that is.

" Quinn what are we doing here?"

He smiled. "We are getting reacquainted love. I have missed you so much. I love how happy you are."

You returned his smile with a small but sweet one. "I've missed you too."

There was a moment of awkwardness when Joe spoke up.

" May I ask you a question?"

" Sure."

" Why did you block my number?"

You stood silent for a second nervous about answering. "I uhh need some space. I needed time away from you. The texts you sent weren't helping me get over you."

" You're over me?"

" Umm I... yes and no."

" What?! Why?! It's because of that guy right?"

" What? Bill..God no he's just a friend okay."

" Really? So you just kiss all your friends?"

Fucking Jamie man.

" Hey that's not fair."

" What isn't? That you said you would wait for me and then go kiss another bloke when you had the chance." Joe wasn't holding back his punches not this time.

" That's not ok. You don't get to use a meaningless kiss against me. What about the girl in Ireland huh?"

"She was a moment of weakness and I'm sorry. But how-"

" Common Quinn, do you really think someone giving the famous Joseph Quinn a blow job wasn't going to get out? Come on you're not dumb. Besides yeah it did hurt me but I don't hold it against you, because we weren't together."

" But I wanted to be."

" Seriously?!" This conversation now was just pissing you off. You stood up and fought back the tears that made their way to the surface. " Then why the hell did you break up with me?"

" Sweetheart you know why. I had no-"

" Choice." You cut him off. " Really?! If you loved me you wouldn't have hurt me so bad."

" I never meant to hurt you. I was just doing what's best for you. Don't take it personally. I love you" He said standing too.

You scoffed. " Don't take it personally? Are you joking? Of course I took it personally, you want to know why... Because I would have never done that to you. I didn't want to be without you. I cried for you, and I hated it, I hated what you did to me. I hated what you said. I hated you....I hated you because I would have chosen us no matter what. And you took that away from me." The tears finally escaped.

" What do you want me to say? I can't take it back. I wish I could. What do you want me to do? I want to fix this. We need to fix this. Because I rather do whatever it takes to make this work. I don't want anyone else. There is no one else for me." His voice broke and the threat of tears came.

" I want you to say I'm the reason for the random laughs. That I'm the reason for all the smiles. The reason you get so happy being on your phone, even though you are barely on it. I want to be the reason you're happy and that you look towards a future with endless possibilities and embrace them...with me."

" But you are all those things to me and more. You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I belong to you. My heart tells me that you are the best thing for me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You have me. You could do anything you want with me and I would let you. You can ask me for anything and I would go through hell to make sure you're happy. I love you more than you could ever know. And that's okay because we didn't ask for this. But I'm so happy that we got it. Because now I can't imagine my life without you."

" How can you say that Quinn? After all this time. Not once have you tried to come back to me. Now what are you afraid to lose me. Is keeping me on the back burner now not enough for you?"

He closed the distance and cupped your face. " Now y/n this is enough. I'm done arguing and I'm done being apart from you. I understand that it's been hurting you that we have been apart for so long. But it's killing me. And I'm finished. I refuse to spend another moment without you. So come back to me."

" You have NEVER been on the back burner! You could never be. Don't you get it? I've decided on you" he came closer until he was just a foot away from you. "You're eyes are the ones I want to get lost in, your voice is the one I want to hear for hours on end. Your smile is the only one I cannot resist. I want you to be the only one my arms wrap around. It's you who I want, you who I choose."

You grabbed his wrist and pulled them off. You held one of his hands and looked at them. You turned your gaze upwards to meet the big beautiful eyes you missed so fucking much. You put your free hand under his ear to hold his face still as you got on your tippy toes and kissed him with such passion that you could feel his tears fall on your cheeks. You weren't sure if they were from heartache or from sheer bliss. Either way it was the best kiss you and him shared.

As you guys kissed the world melted away. The love that once seemed lost was found. You guys entangled yourselves in each other. Trying to get as close as possible. You sank to the floor with Quinn on top of you. His hands touching everything he possibly could, while yours embedded themselves in his hair and under his shirt on his back. The warmth between your legs increased as he pushed up into you. Making your skirt fall down and up to your waist. You could feel his erection against the thin layer of your nude color panties.

He kissed down your neck sending chills down your spine and making your core slick. A low moan left your chest and he kissed your collar bone and moved his hand down to your aching sex. As soon as he touched the bundle of nerves you arched your back and scratched his. Making him hiss at the pain/pleasure.

He grunted in frustration as he felt how wet you were, because he knew he should stop. He wanted you. He needed to feel you. But he shouldn't. And with all the pretty noise you were making that he had forgotten made it hard for him to stop. So he wasn't going to. He got to his knees and eye looked over at you. Eyes full of need and love. Your beautiful smile made his heart pound against his ribcage. He pulled off your shoes and went straight for panties. His eyes never left yours. He put your soaked garment in his back pocket and lifted your knees. He got comfy on his stomach and pulled your legs over his shoulders. The most beautiful pussy he's ever seen was right in front of him. He could feel your thighs quiver from anticipation.

"God sweetheart. Don't ever keep this way from me again."

" I would never do that." You sighed. " I'm not one who kept themselves away for us."

He looked up to meet your eyes. His was filled with sadness and so were yours.

" Never again okay?"

Your words brought happiness to him again.

" Never again."

He kissed your inner thigh and was about to send you into your own personal heaven when Jamie walked in.

" No. Oh Joe no. What did I say about keeping it in the guest room?"

Joe jumped up and sat with his back towards the lower part of your body trying to cover you. His hand came back pulling down your skirt as best as he could. You on the other hand were frozen from embarrassment covering your mouth.

"Hello y/n looking as beautiful as ever."

You blushed and sat up not looking at him.

" We're sorry mate. Uhh things got out of hand."

Jamie raised his brow. " I see that."

" Sorry Jamie." You finally said getting to your feet with Quinn following suit.

" It's fine love. I'm just glad to see you back together. I'm even happier knowing what I said to Joe earlier happened." He smirked

" What was that?"

" Oh don't worry about it sweetheart. Jamie is just being delusional."

" Is that right Joseph?"

" Yes mate!"

Jamie laughed." A'right I'll leave you two love birds to it. If you need more condoms let me know."

"Jamie!" Joe yelled

Jamie snickered and disappeared into the hallway.

Joe turned to you and held you as you guys laughed.

" I uhh should get going."

" What? Why?" Joe's voice had sadness in it.

" Umm well it's late and I don't want to do anything while Jamie is here."

" Then I'll come with you."

You gave him a quick but soft kiss. " No. Let's just take the night to go over everything. Come see me in the morning and we will have breakfast."

Joe pouted but agreed. It was probably for the best anyways. He walked you out to the car and gave you a long hug and kissed you deeply. He felt your hand reaching for his back pocket and he grabbed your wrist.

" No no my love. Those are mine now."

You giggled giving him one last hug before opening the car door.

" I love you Quinn."

His grin reached from ear to ear. " I love you y/n"

He watched as you drove away wishing you safe travels. He skipped back inside and got ready for bed.

As soon as you got into the parking lot of the hotel you called Colin.

"Poop, guess what happened?"

" oh I know. Jamie just told me."

" Really?!"

" Oh yeah. We've been texting all day."

' Oh yeah?"

" Yes bitch he is so fine. But anyways did you guys fucked already or what?"

You got off the elevator and started down the hall to your room.

" No. But Jamie caught us before Quinn could go down on me."

" Aww man stupid Jamie."

" It was so embarrassing." You said while turning the corner. You stopped.

" So I'm assuming Joe didn't go back with you?"

You were quiet for a moment.

" Hello y/n."

" Umm Colin let me call you back."

" Bitch what?!"

You hung up the phone and looked down the hall. Bill was sitting next to your door holding flowers. When he saw you he stood up and smiled.

Shit

...

@salenorona23 @browneyes528 @e0509

[optimistredsox]

1 Oct, BOS @ BAL, 6-1, win

Bit late, eh? Yeah, it turns out I needed longer to recover from the Tim Wakefield news than I realised. And, truth be told, I still haven't recovered from it. It sucked all desire to write about this weird season as a whole. To pick out points of interest and excitement from a year that occasionally had promise but failed to live up to that promise. A team I nicknamed the Scrappy Rollercoasters before the injury-plagued rotation sucked out their scrap and the Rollercoaster never really stopped plummeting, especially after the departure of Chaim Bloom. How can I dwell on all that shit when all of the sudden Tim Wakefield isn't there anymore? I must've read every tribute and obit. I haven't been able to put the movie "Knuckleball" on because I'm worried it'll make me cry too much. Chad Finn at the Globe, as usual, wrote a brilliant piece imploring the Red Sox to retire Wake's number. I cast my mind back remembered his strong start in his last season whilst he was chasing his 200th win, only to stumble on the cusp. I remember how awesome it was when that knuckleball was 'on' - how fast he worked and how efficient he was. How he looked like a sad puppy when it didn't work, because there really wasn't anything he could do about it. It's a pitch from another era. That it exists in the modern world is a marvel and that such a nice and kind man wielded it as, more often than not, a tool for victory was a delight. I didn't believe the news when I first saw it. I didn't even know he was sick. I missed that bombshell coming out. It was harvest and I was making wine. Would it have made any difference if I'd had that day's notice? Or would it be worse, to have barely processed the news he was sick to then have to deal with the news he'd succumbed to that sickness and died? I've lost quite a few people over the last few years. I find it easier to articulate those feelings with regards to a kind baseball player I never met than with those that are gone that I knew.

Anyway. 2023 Red Sox. They won their last game of the year, which is great. That they "did it for Wake" feels a little weird but whatever worked for them. As much as the question is on who runs the Red Sox front office next year, I feel the real question is whether the ownership works out what they want from the team next year. They don't behave like an ownership terribly keen on continuing to own a baseball team. Which is frustrating because they have a manager who did everything in his power to get them through those tough spots this season. Cora does not get enough credit. The fact that he has detractors at all is proof that most Boston sports fans just want the world to burn rather than any actual success. But where do they go from here? Another losing season isn't on the cards. This ownership quite famously turns it around after, at most, two losing seasons. How they do it this time is anyone's guess.

Bright sides?

This team fought a lot this year. And the rookies like Jarren Duran (on loan from the Arakis Professional League) and Tristan Casas provided a great deal of fun.

Ugh thinking about Wake again. Might pipe up later once we know who's running the club. Until then, enjoy the playoffs and let's hope for a better 2024.

[d-lissa]

Liveblogging TMA - Season 3 - MAG 100-105

"I saw a ghost."

I GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE :

... I hate this story.

It really went : Hey, we know Jon has been kidnapped by a mannequin that wants to take his skin and wear it, but it is also the perfect time to see the kind of statements that usually happen when he isn't here, in all kinds of very awkward and annoying ways !

I just.

I am so done.

I am actually laughing at this, it's just so ... Typical.

No wonder the Institute is a joke, if this is the kind of statements that got leaked to the public in 1999.

Ok, fine, more of The Devastation, the one Maxwell worships told through the eyes of a conspiracy theorist (to whom Tim really didn't have the patience for), a Spiral (he was late for dinner, he couldn't just stay in the spiral !) and the Spiders. Also, cameo of a Lukas, coming in with a lot of static. If we needed any more proof that the family was spooky, that would be it, I guess.

I don't think Brian is surviving long enough to give a coherent statement. RIP.

God, please tell me the next episode we'll get Jon back. This episode just explained SO much about season 1 if this is the kind of statements the man was used to for non supernatural stuff. They were written, of course, but well.

I can only imagine that they were barely any more coherent.

ANOTHER TWIST :

"The Eye watches, and the Stranger conceals, but me… I lie, Archivist. I am the throat of delusion incarnate. They can’t hide you from me."

At this point, I am genuinely surprised that Jon isn't just absolutely traumatized by doors.

Well. I guess this was the end of Michael. Despite all his claims of not having an identity and such, he sounded quite touched by his past with Michael and the Distortion. Touched enough that Helen managed to kill him, in a way, and take his place.

Guess that the best liars are the ones able to fool themselves.

Helen had drawn a map too, hadn't she ? In "The New Door".

That's why she managed to do what Michael did. And just like him, I don't think she knows what she was doing all this time. I really hope that we'll get a statement from this version of The Distortion.

Still, I am kind of sad that she isn't anymore. Though it is nice that this version of The Distortion is willing to help Jon, I guess ? I doubt that it is to stay that way, considering everything, but it was good.

Anyway, anyone confused by the tapes ? Because I am. Because it isn't Elias that controls them, but everyone seems to assume that it is the case, for some reason ? Like, Nikolas is just talking into the recorder, expecting Elias to be on the other receiving end.

Michael's story fucking hurt me though. It's just. I know that Gertrude was a big "the end justifies the means" kind of woman, and I even kind of get it, but man am I glad that Jonathan isn't this kind of person, and that he cares about his people.

I wonder what makes of Jonathan a better Archivist than her. And if it is actually a good thing, you know ?

NESTING INSTINCT :

"Yeah. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be defenceless."

... Why is everyone so eager to blame Jon for everything ?

Like, I love my girl Melanie, but also, I'd really rather she and Tim stopped blaming Jon when he is just as much, if not an even bigger, victim as they are. He didn't ask for any of it, and he can't exactly see in the future (yet?), and he is apparently losing his humanity to forces outside of his control, without any say in anything.

I do get where they're coming from, but I also want to scream.

Elias is as infuriating as ever, and I swear to god, he better die someday.

Finally more info on the Unknowing, and I don't really like the sound of it, but it is the apocalypse, so I guess it makes sense ?

Gerard was actively working with Gertrude, apparently ? And Jon just ... Guessed it out of nowhere because he can just do that now, as well as read other languages, which is ... Worrying.

I mean, really fucking cool as fuck, obviously, and I also really want him to have more powers, but also, he really wants to be human and stay that way, so not only is this heartbreaking, but since I trust Elias fuck all, how thrilled he sounds at that makes me anxious.

Is anything going to happen to Jon ? Is he grooming him to be a sacrifice of some sort ?

Elias sounds honnest enough when he says that he wants to stop the Unknowing, but you can't tell me that only The Stranger has an apocalypse, right ? So what about the others ?

The french was cute though, and not as bad as I thought it would be when I saw he would speak french. Gotta say, I braced myself on this one, but it was pretty decent, actually. Good for him.

Melanie is great as usual, but also ... More and more violent and angry, it seems ? Which is fair, obviously, but this story gave me trust issues, and I just see everything as death flags now.

Call me The Archivist, the way I am worried that behind the actions of everyone is a death that is meant to crush me, specifically.

Speaking of worrying deaths, Martin broke my heart, but when does he not ? He was worried for Jon, damn it. And then Jon makes a joke about it, despite having been held captive for a month.

Someone needs to give this man more care for his own safety, it borderline feels like apathy now.

Good to know the rest of the Institute avoids the Archives though. They really should, to be honnest. I'm with Tim on this one, better be kept away for good.

God, I hope Georgie doesn't get caught too.

Oh, and there's a beetle wife now. It was cute. People really should just let others marry who they want, ffs, even eldritch beings of untold filth.

Anyway ! Guess we know what Not-Sasha was doing at the wax museum. Wonder how long our favourite lunatic will connect the dots.

CRUELTY FREE :

"What are you?!"

Pigs, dead ends and Jon blackmailing people. On one hand, I am so proud I feel like Elias, but on the other, I am worried for him. Do we actually want him to get better at using the powers of The Eye ?

Let's just hope that whatever they're plotting to get Elias will actually work. I'd be much more satisfied if the guy was to simply die, but I guess not everyone is up for murder yet ?

Which is. You know. Fair.

SNEAK PREVIEW :

"Then I guess I’ll see you in hell."

Tim's trauma, as well as the death flags he raises.

Oh, he is so not going to survive past this season, is he ?

We finally got Tim's story and I am worried, because he never wanted any of this and history is just repeating itself at this point. God, does he even have anyone left to lose to The Stranger before it takes him ?

Of course not. Even the friends he had somehow managed to make ended up neck deep in all that supernatural bullshit.

I miss Joe Spooky man. He was cute.

TOTAL WAR :

 "How can unspeakable carnage become so tired and repetitive?"

Oh great. More war statements.

And I mean that unironically, those are somehow always the most beautiful ? You know, when compared to all the pain, and slaughter and violence.

It is a nice contrast.

Anyway, Jonathan went on a world trip in the steps of Gertrude, and found himself in China, where he actaully can understand other languages and not just read it in the statements.

I wonder if he can make himself understood the same way, or if Xiao Ling just understood what he was saying because she speaks english too. Considering Jonathan didn't even notice she wasn't talking english with him by the end, it makes sense if he could somehow.

Onto the statement itself, was the concept this time The End, I wonder. Doesn't sound like it. Surely there are more concepts born out of the fears of humankind that touches upon the concept of death, right ? And they all must interact sdifferently with it.

Well, that is if it's how it works, anyway. Could be that they existed forever and human's fear were shaped after them ?

Why only human's though ? Like, why not a mosquitoe or something ?

Imagine, The Clapping, the concept of being smashed by a humongous hands reaching out of nowhere.

Brr.

Anyway, next is America !

Wonder if we'll get more werewolves when there.

The quote of the post will be :

"I have nothing left, except to hope that what remains of my own life is neither long nor memorable."

End Liveblogging.

[magicalara]

So...2022 huh

It's time for Em's yearly letter to the blog where I talk about it since the new year's coming in about an hour and a half in my timezone. Prefacing this with a tw for talks of depression, anxiety, horrible friends, and no proof reading. Here is my word vomit and if you don't get to the end, happy new year everyone.

So 2022 was one of, if not the, worst year in my 19 years of living. It started off with the pressure of a class which if I didn't pass, would essentially mean I couldn't go to college, and is ending with me having to walk on eggshells around people and feeling just...so anxious and depressed. Before I get into that, however, in order to save the people I want to specifically call out from having to hear about my depressing word vomit, I'm gonna mention them first.

So I can't make a new year's post without tagging my girl @pinktea99 who has been around for what feels like ever. I think it'll actually be two years of our friendship early next year I don't remember for sure, it might be three...time is fake it doesn't matter anyways. Between the amazing fanfictions you used to make that I still go back to every now and then and now just tagging me in posts you think I'd like, Mo you've been the biggest supporter I've had since I practically started posting real shit on this hellsite and I could not be more grateful. You're on of my biggest inspirations and I love and adore you so much. Let's go into 2023 with just as much happiness as you've given me in 2022 and even more. I love you so much, my dear 💜💚

Next up (and honestly the only other person I have to tag oops 💀) @docmartensanddietcoke my beloved. We've only been friends for a few months now but hot damn do I feel like we've known each other for years. We clicked so quickly and it kinda scared me at first but in such a good way??? Idk but you're amazing and so sweet and passionate and I just love talking to you so much. You've made me so excited about writing again after so long of being stuck in an endless loop of writer's block and just general insecurity that led to me not posting. I'm so happy I met you and I can't wait to see what 2023 brings us. Much love to you and thank you for showing me the pleasures (nudge nudge wink wink) of the pairing that is William T Spears and Mey-Rin 💜♥️💜

Okay so now the other stuff lol. So if you're one of the 20-30 some-odd people who started following me from seeing all the black butler bullshit I post, you wouldn't know but I used to be a kpop blog. I'm like 99% certain that I privated/deleted all of those posts though so yk hopefully y'all don't see that. I still reblog my nct loves because they are my ult group and I love them very much but I used to like only post about kpop. I had to switch because I just wasn't happy with it anymore. I had always envisioned myself as having a blog full of things I loved but after coming back from a break where I saw the fandoms I loved to interact with having gone to shit, I couldn't do it anymore. So I got rid of it all and rebranded 😃 It was honestly a really good decision though and I'm glad I did it because it reminded me of the reasons I started a tumblr account in the first place: to be happy.

For as creepy as certain sides of the black butler fandom may be, I've never felt so supported. Y'all are amazing and I still can't believe any of my posts got passed 50 notes let alone my top three all being just shy of or completely pass 100. All of the interaction is so appreciated and I can't wait to interact with you all more in the new year <33

With the good, though, comes the bad. So much of the last half of my senior year was full on unnecessary bullshit and drama and breakdowns. From the feeling of being stabbed in the back by people I thought I could trust, to being almost taken advantage of in my first wlw relationship, it just was not a great time. This really sucked, though, because my greatest hope was for my senior year in high school to be something worth remembering as I wasn't able to do anything the previous two years since covid put a downer on all of that. But whatever, I graduated and kept the people I wanted to and dropped those I didn't. It's still a work in progress in dropping some of those people, but in getting there lol

I got my first job, which I still have now, and I love working there. There are better days and worse days (I work in public service so there are always those karen's who will come in) but I love the people I work with and am glad that I decided to take the offer to work there when I did. I have some good memories there that definitely are core memories

I can't do this without mentioning the passing of Technoblade. If you didn't know who he was, Technoblade was a minecraft youtuber and streamer who helped so many people with his amazing and funny videos and his stories that he created on the Dream SMP. He unfortunately passed in June this year due to cancer. When I watched the video his dad made announcing it, the world went silent. I spent that whole night and much of the day after crying my eyes out. I couldn't imagine someone who had brought me so much comfort being gone. Hell I'm still not over it, and I don't think I ever will be. Techno was a huge influence, inspiration, and comfort for me and always will be. Fuck cancer.

I had many family problems throughout the year that I won't get into because that's a little more personal than I'd like to get to on such a public place lol. Just know that to all of you who are celebrating alone this year, I feel you, and my heart goes out to you. We aren't alone if we're all together

The one huge positive that I do have to mention is my starting to watch anime. I decided to take the plunge and watch ouran highschool host club because of a cosplay I saw of hikaru and kaoru on tiktok that made me go "oh what the fuck I'll give". I went in not expecting to finish even episode one and came out with new comfort characters and a world I couldn't leave behind. After ouran, I found kuroshitsuji and we'll...here we are lol

On top of the comfort I found in ouran, I found a series that was so much darker but had such good characters that I started to connect with and love. Grelle has been such a huge comfort for me and I can't imagine myself leaving her (or the series) behind at any point for next long while. Seeing such an empowering transgender woman really did it for me and I'm so happy I decided to watch this show and subsequently binge read the manga. I can't wait to see all the kuro content this next year brings

I've lost people this year, I've gained people this year. I've cried so many tears of sadness and absolutely no tears of joy. I've spent way more money than I should on genshin impact and food. Most importantly, I've found a place where I think I can start to build myself up again. Good fucking bye 2022, I'm gonna do my best to make 2023 my bitch and I think that y'all should join me. Thank you all for being here, and I wish you all a happy, healthy new year

If you've made it this far, new chapter of forever forgiveness comes out in two weeks ;)

[davekat-sucks]

I think it's funny how they went back and tried to retcon mentions of race out of the comic such as bro being white or the whole trickster Caucasian thing. Even though they really tried to push the aracial thing (which is fine) but in stuff like pesterquest were Dirk is described having freckles. It's like they aren't even trying to pretend anymore, the striders are definitely Caucasian. Speaking of censorship i was once told that "fag" apparently was censored in that conversation with karkat and vriska. Now i didn't go back and check this but if it was did they censor when dave had said it? Have you ever read through Dave's blogger? Where he causal drops "nigga" in his review of sweet cred? The whole reason I'm bringing this up because homestuck was definitely not to be the uber progressive people for some reason claim it to be, i blame Hussie for folding and letting his fans influence his work instead of standing his ground. It added nothing to the story, all it got was people caring about headcanon more than canon and in the end it satisfied no one. In short, homestucks shift in itself to try to be more inclusive feels more so made to appeal to a certain audience and feels fake as hell.

When you go deeper, it was Calliope herself who made the Alpha Kids Caucasian. But nobody is accusing her on whitewashing the humans when they become Trickster mode. Or the fact that when Calliope had shown Roxy her fanart of that form, she said she loved it. So Roxy doesn't mind being whitewashed? LOL The word fag was not censored on the current website and it is not censored in the physical books either. If there is proof on the latter of later printings, I'd like to know. I will even show proof if you want that it is not censored there. The only possible reasons of it being censor it is if you download the Unofficial Homestuck Collection and downloaded a mod that filters those words and other inappropriate material. Whoever is telling you it is censored is a lying prick or they have downloaded the censored versions themselves. I still think it is stupid to even download or make a mod in the first place to censor that, when you can just either: A. Ignore it or B. Don't read it, especially if said person is a sensitive minor that shouldn't be reading a 16-18+ rated webcomic It does feel fake. Even when it is written by people in WhatPumpkin that claim to be part of LGBT, the execution of it is still bland and forced. Hussie should have found better people or at least be left to his own tools without their meddling.

[themediatorfriend]

20's in 23.

(TW: ugly thoughts)

(To you who might read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I'm writing this mostly as a reminder to myself and most of all, a lesson. allow me to be raw. But a favor pls, I welcomed you here because I trust that you'll never judge and you'll KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF)

A lil' bit late here isn't it? Coz, this acc serves as my journal, so ofc, imma write a whole paragraph. Sadly, I find myself unable to do so. I've lost so much in '23. Words. Smile. Health. Life...and the worst thing is, my will to live.

I am honestly scared to write this. Because if I did, I am admitting how the words of some shattered me. I am admitting how damaged I am. I am admitting how pathetic I lived this year. But I realized that this is also a proof that I survived 365 days of surviving, not living.

Funny isn't it? The reel seems like I was living a happy life. Personally, I was also shocked that I smiled more than I could remember this year. Creating this reel brought mixed feelings—of the memento that there were times I felt happy this year, of how dubious the film reel is.

If I were asked what is the thing I would definitely remember in 2023, it is that I cried ocean of tears; that there were times I could no longer cry because my default every single day is desolation. And if I had to, I needed books to feel something and shed tears coz I couldn't recognize anymore my own pain because of its familiarity.

2023 is a battle of survival—me against myself. I fought this alone and we're able to survive alone. That's one of my greatest achievements this year. I managed to survive 365 battles alone (shout out to those 71 books who were a great company).

To future me, when you see this again, you could survive whatever you're doing—alone or not. I am writing this right now because the world didn't end when I was 17. I hope you could say the same because you see? the world didn't end when you were 20. You may see that you were happy in this film when you were 20, but remember that you've cried more than you've laughed in 2023. I hope, to whatever age you are rn, you'll remember how your survival in 2023 brought you there.

Always go back to what you have survived at 20. Remember what you've gone through...

December '22 was the hallmark of my health decline. The stress I felt was too much, I never realized I was on a journey of self-destructing. At that time, I had to heal fast, coz apparently I have no right to be dramatic. Before I was able to process the pain, I was told to stop feeling the pain.

So, I healed myself—that's what I thought. Unfortunately, I was not healing. I pretended in my head that I was healed and gaslighted myself that I am already over it. My first betrayal to myself. And honestly, it worked—but for a short period of time.

I remember that December I badly needed a diversion. It wasn't a want. It's a need. So when i heard that I'd be able to go back home, I was so relieved. I would not be isolated anymore with my ugly thoughts with only the four corners of my room witnessing my whimpered cries. At least, I'd find myself having mundane but entertaining conversations with cousibs.

I was so excited to go back—until I wasn't.

January felt like a slap in my face. I was greeted with criticism (to put it mildly). My countenance and physique was an easy subject for disparaging words and heedless comments. I heard the worst words a man or woman could say to another being. There I feel myself slowly getting dragged at the bottom. It was the first time I hated myself. I never had a high-esteem in the first place but I was content with my appearance. I never considered myself a beauty but I wasn't dramatic about it. Coz I am CONTENTED.

But u could never know how words could damage a person beyond repair. I was already a cracked vase who was glued to life. And in that moment, I was broken again for another reason—body shaming.

With my autopilot self, I tried to get over it. I willed myself to do so. Unfortunately, the words already started festering in my mind. I was a wound that needed to be closed but we're left open.

For months, I tried various things to close the wound. But I have already become an open wound that was dripping the floor with blood. Infection started to spread in my system, I failed to notice that it was already feeding to the disease that was already starting to form in my body. The stress partnered with pretensions wasn't a good match for my health. They form a good synergy until it became the autoimmune disease—a graves' disease.

With already preexisting mental battles, now my physical health has already started to fail me, they were already attacking me too.

Stress is a good feed for graves. Unfortunately, I had to carry all the stressors at the same time with no one to hear my thoughts and aid me. Stress from: academics, unhealed pain last year, failed friendship, body dysmorphia, self-loathing, and a deteriorating belief system. It was a tough battle—one I had survived, but barely.

This is the worst part. I am aware that it was an ugly truth and I should have never ventured in it, but I was not able to stop myself. I betrayed myself and become one of its perpetrators; I started to hurt myself. Truth to be told, I am self-aware. It shouldn't have happened. But I was a weak human being. It became a natural response when the voices in my head are screaming. I don't even understand what they're. Help? That's one thing. But it's not the loudest. The loudest was the ugliest—my will to live which is close to none.

I know I needed to get out—of my bed, of my room, and of my head. I needed to open the windows but I couldn't find my energy. For months, I was gaslighting myself and romanticized the idea of being a homebody. With my limited human interactions, I isolated myself once again with my thoughts. I was betraying myself again. I knew I needed interactions. But I have no one. That's the struggle a uni student has to survive.

November was at least a little bit considerate to me. I've lost a loved one, but Alhamdulillah, I found comfort with some cousibs. I finally was able to interact with homies. Unfortunately, nothing changed. My appearance was once again an easy topic for jokes and criticisms. I tried so hard to put out a strong front. Yet, I failed miserably. I shed a tear in front of my cousin. One of the things I've started to hate. I don't want them to know that their words are blowing me to pieces. I don't want them to think their words are my downfall...I don't want them to feel bad. I knew I was betraying myself yet again. I've told myself I would voice for myself to draw a boundary. And I did try. I spoke. Yet, my overthinking won. I feel like I offended them. Another failure, I allowed them to step on me.

The good thing was I didn't broke down. Honestly, I don't even know if she knew I cried that time. If she pretended that she didn't notice, I appreciate that. I hate to be seen as flawed and weak. Even though, I am already hanging on a single thread.

December come once again. My body failed on me. I was told I would not be back to my usual look. A sad truth. Up until now, I am coming to terms with that. I have to remind myself everyday I would never be the same again. I can't keep living in the past and what ifs. I hated Decembers. It is a reminder of the things I have to fought.

A silver lining happened in the midst of my visitation in the hospital. Alex, who was a nurse who assisted me, was the one who made me realize things. "You're beautiful," she said. I hated compliments like this because it was though a charity phrase. I am aware of my look. I was told many things already, which I started to believe and I see myself in the mirror everyday even though I hated looking at my reflection.

As someone who was still picking up her pieces, to hear these words from a stranger made me realize this. I was looking at myself in a limited lens.

There are billions of people in this world, yet I welcomed the lens of the few. It's cliché but I realized the truth of choosing which people to accept in your life and hurt you.

You've suffered enough—not because you're a damaged portrait. It's because all this time, you were using the wrong lens to look at your life. There are thousands of lenses that exist in our sphere. Some are broken and old. Some are transcendental and new. You always have the choice which of these will you use and accept in your life. Let go.

Now I am at the process of deconstructing. I know I needed a company and change of scenery, but in life, the only constant company is yourself—so don't ever lose it. I needed a vacation in December in order to heal, but we don't always get what we need. And that is the gist of survival. You have to learn to survive alone.

-daylight

[starry-eyed-butch]

Lots of trigger warnings cause I don't have any healthy coping mechanisms that I utilize with any sort of regularity cause I'd rather suffer. So for mental health, destructive tendencies, etc., do not read more. If anyone really reads these anyways.

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I'm a whole ass adult and never got over the urge to harm myself but now that I have to give plasma just to get to work, I can't cut on my arms anymore and it's already been awkward every time they take my blood pressure and while there are other places, nothing is as satisfying as my arms (I've tried, it's just not it, I'm too picky, which is probably a whole other diagnosis but we're poor out here). So, in lieu of that, I should use that gym membership I've been paying for every month for years and I think I'm just gonna excessively work out again and maybe I'll actually be able to sleep a while night in the process. And restricting and exercise are the only time I ever lost weight so I'm just gonna work myself to nothing. Not as satisfying but it'll just have to work, huh. Hahahaha, I am so deeply unhappy. I'm trying like hell to work on it but I just can't catch a break and I just don't even care enough to stop the downhill roll. One of these times I'll actually kill myself for real and then I don't have to worry about it anymore. One day. And it sucks cause I KNOW that top surgery would alleviate probably 50% of my mental health strife. I can't even go get a fucking hair cut which is really all I have that affirms how I feel but that's $20 I don't have. I've been overdrafted on my bank account every check for the last several months.

Shittiest thing is yes, money does buy happiness because it buys stability and things we need. I'm back to not being able to buy groceries. My minimum payment for my electric not to be shut off that I just paid was $233. I'm $1500 behind on my car payment. I can't catch up after missing a week of work because of a kidney infection. I can't but weed, which is the only thing that even helps me sleep or gives me an appetite. I'm out of my little sleep meds and have been for over a week. I paid a $70 ticket for something I have proof I didn't do because I couldn't get ahold of anyone after days and days and they kept calling me back while I was at work. I ran out of time to fight it, not trying to lose my license too. I hate my fucking job. I'm taken advantage of every single day for wages that can't even pay my bills. I'm not gonna find another job thats gonna lay me 18 off the bat and I certainly can't makeess then that AND if I did quit, I'd lose school, which is a whole other source of stress but it's the only thing I enjoy and am good at most of the time.

[lokisprettygirl]

The Possession (Sequel to Mystery of Laufey Manor)

Read chapter 2 here // Series Masterlist // Read MOLM here

Chapter 3

Summary : Loki tells you about the night he killed Steve.

He read the message on the back of the door, it was clearly meant for him, as a warning. But loki isn't someone who would give up on you because an obsessed stalker ghost is trying to own you, he dealt with Maira and her ghost for 15 years, he can deal with Steve. He noticed your shaken form so he grabbed your arms and walked you out of the bedroom then he turned on all the lights in the living room as he made you sit down on the sofa

"Hey look at me, darling look at me" he whispered softly so you looked at him

"I ..uh..he's here isn't he? That's the proof of him being here, a physical proof, it's not in my head anymore or a hallucination, he's here" you lips quivered as you spoke so he pulled you in for a hug in a hope that his heartbeat would calm you down

"Calm down sweetheart, I promise you I'll find a solution to this problem..take a deep breath for me, you have me okay? You're not alone" he whispered as he caressed your head soothingly, you held onto him as tightly as you could, you don't even know how you would have reacted if Loki wasn't here right now.

"Don't leave me loki.. I'm so scared"

"I won't..I promise you have me okay? I love you..I love you" he whispered and cupped your cheeks to kiss your forehead

"I'll make tea for you okay, you want to come with me while I do that?" He asked you so you nodded, he linked his fingers with yours as you both went to the kitchen. You felt watched again and you had a feeling Steve was watching you. You sat down on the kitchen countertop and he kissed your forehead again then he moved away from you to put kettle on the stove to boil the water

"Why is he doing this? What is he trying to do?" You sobbed as you thought about the situation you were in and it broke his heart

"I think it's my fault, it's all my doing" his eyes teared up as he looked at you

"What do you mean?"

"If I didn't kill him he wouldn't be a ghost right now, I'd be alot easier to lock a man up who is alive"

"Why did you do that? I ..I need to know the whole story"

"Remember the night I came here with blood all over me and then told you much later that he stabbed me?" You nodded in response so he continued to speak

"I was walking home when I saw him arguing with Terry few blocks away from here, she was threatening to tell you about him, she found out that he was stalking you from years, he only got with her so he could keep tabs on you"

"Wait..so she wasn't pregnant? you lied to me about that too?" He looked at you then he ran his hand through his hair, he didn't have to say anything, his silence said everything

"I couldn't have told you about Steve's plan at the time, it would have.."

"Hindered your plan, right?" Your eyes teared up and you fought hard to keep them at bay but the dam broke, this is why you can't trust him, you don't even what is truth and what's a lie anymore

"I'm a horrible man y/n, and I have done horrible things in life, I killed Steve and I almost killed Laura .."

"You almost killed lauraaa? What is wrong with you?" You raised your voice and that made him raise his in return

"Everything, I'm fucked up, but she poisoned you, that's why you got sick. I know the pain it put you through.."

"You can't just kill everyone who is trying to harm you or me, there are other ways to deal with those fuckers.. there's law and..god loki" you put your head in your palms as you tried to process everything, he killed Steve and he has come back to bite you

"I couldn't have gotten the law involved at the time and I know what I'm going to say would probably make you hate me, but I won't hesitate to kill for you again if I have to and I had to kill him ..I had to..even if it wasn't for self defense I couldn't have left you alone here with him alive knowing that he'd try to hurt you"

"Why was he trying to hurt me now after all these years?"

"Because he knew I'd take you away, he noticed everything, he knew you would agree to go with me if I'd ask you and he felt threatened"

"How did..how did you kill him?"

"I saw him and Terry arguing, then he pushed her against the wall, she died on the spot, I wish I was quicker and I wish I could have saved her but I couldn't, I checked her pulse and I prayed for her to be alive but she was gone, he freaked out when he saw her dead then he tried to stab me because he was afraid I'd call the police, you learn to defend yourself when you have had four wives trying to murder you in several different ways" he turned the stove off and poured the tea in a cup then he handed it to you.

"She died for nothing, she didn't deserve to die like that, what was her fault in all this?"

"She fell in love with the wrong man, remind you of someone?" He walked out of the kitchen as he said that leaving you hurt and conflicted, you stepped down from the counter and followed him. What would you have done if someone was trying to kill you? Would you not defend yourself? You'd hurt other people for him too, you literally thought of murdering Victoria just few hours ago because she hurt him. However there's a difference between thinking about it in your head and then crossing the thin line between the imagination and reality. If the worst comes to worst would you cross that line?

You sat down next to him and passed him the cup of tea so he could sip on it as well

"You're not the wrong man, I have never felt so right the way I do when I'm with you..I love you so much loki but this is all just..I never thought I'd ever have to go something like this"

"I know darling, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I have complicated your life and I'm sorry that I have traumatized you and I wish I could take it all back because I would if I could"

"Well I wouldn't want you to, I wouldn't want to live your whole life being haunted by Maira and her curse, I'd do it all over again if I have to"

"Then why would you expect me to not save you? He would have hurt you sooner or later" You looked at him as he said that, you put your head down on his shoulder and linked your fingers with his

"He would have..I know that now, how did she end up in the waters?" You remembered that they found Terry's body in the lake

"I paid someone to do it to sell the narrative of steve being a serial killer"

"And where is his body?"

"In a burrow near the valley water" you took a deep breath as he said that. You wanted honesty and the truth right? He was giving it to you

"Did you kill your wives too? What happened to them?"

"I didn't, I just locked them up in the black room, they died of fear as they came face to face with Maira then she devoured their flesh"

"Well I'd die of fear too if you weren't there with me that night, she wasn't a pretty sight" he chuckled

"She smelled really horrible too" you looked at him at the remark, she did smell horrible

'Like sewers, yes..Is that why you used to shower all the time?"

"Yes and that's also the reason I got upset when you hugged me from behind the first time, she used to spook me like that and I hated it"

"She was haunting you for fifteen years"

"Just like Steve has stalked you for fifteen years" your eyes widened as he made the correlation between your situations. Both of them knew you both since you were children and both of them spend their lives forming an unhealthy one sided attachment. Maybe it was fate or the destiny that brought you two together

"They should date each other" he chuckled as you said that but then he looked at you and his eyes seemed so sad, so you pecked on his lips softly, you didn't want him to hurt anymore, he had been through hell and back and you wished you could have lived peacefully with him but you knew as long Steve was here he won't let you both breathe in peace

"No more lies Loki please"

"No more lies, I intended to tell you everything, but I have lied so much to hide my truth that it's all jumbled up in my head, but they're all in our past, I haven't lied to you about anything since that night and I don't want to either, do you believe me when I tell you that I love you?" He asked you so you looked at him

"I do..I absolutely do"

"That's the realest truth of my life, I do love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I promise you I won't let him hurt you, we will figure this out okay?" You wrapped your arms around his neck to comfort him, no matter what he said or did in the past, he did it for a reason and you can't keep punishing him for that but he had to know and understand that he can't treat you like that ever again

"I'm sorry you were all alone in your search for freedom and everything that has happened to you because of those women, you didn't deserve it, none of it"

"I'd go through it all over again if I get to have you at the end darling. Maybe that's how I was supposed to find you. I hated my life before I met you but I can't hate the path that led me to you, I'm grateful for it, for you, and for us"

You couldn't sleep all alone on the couch so you took the space next to him on the mattress, you both fidgeted on your spot and he tried so hard to not snuggle you but he gave up at the end. It started with him linking his fingers with yours and then he wrapped one of his arms around you, then you finally snuggled into him as closely as you could. That's when you were able to fall asleep.

When you woke up, you heard the sound coming from the kitchen so you got up and hugged him from behind, he didn't flinch this time, he turned around instead and pulled you in for a hug

"Good morning my angel love, did you sleep well?" You smiled as you heard his soft voice, you have missed him so much

"I did, did you?"

"Yes finally"

"I'll go shower and come right back" you told him but you stayed on your spot and didn't move as a thought kept bothering you

"Are you thinking about Steve watching you while you're in the bathroom?"

"Yesss and it is disgusting me"

"You know what darling, let's have breakfast and we can get a hotel, stay there for the time being"

"That's not going to solve our problem lo"

"I know..I read about this couple in the papers the last time I visited here, James Barnes and his wife Natasha barnes, she's apparently some sort of clairvoyant and they both investigate paranormal activities. I'd try and get in touch with them as soon as I could, it would be a start" you nodded and sighed. What is your life now, less than a year ago you were selling spices and eating stale pizza for dinner, other than the random spooky occurrences nothing crazy like this happened. Your life felt normal

"I'll go shower and come back" you pecked on his cheeks before you left. He hated the thought of Steve creeping on you but there was nothing much he could have done, he's not an exorcist, as much as he hoped now that he was. h

He hired a priest once in the beginning to get rid of Maira but he turned out to be useless.

You kept looking behind you in the shower, you turned around so your back would be facing the wall, you felt afraid to close your eyes even for a second, you were scared of seeing his face when you opened them. When you came out you tried to not stare at the message he left on the door, you put on a dress, did your makeup as quickly as you could and stepped out to the dining area. He had already set the table, smiling as he saw you approaching him. He pulled a chair out for you like a gentleman and that eased your heart a little bit

"Thank you my lord" you giggled and he sat down next to you "Thank you for doing this for me. Thank you for everything" you pressed a soft kiss on his shoulder and that made him smile. After eating, you both went to the shop to get it ready for the opening. You felt really nervous about the reopening, you feared that you won't have any customers now. It was irrational to feel that way but you couldn't help it.

"Hello yes I'm calling from Salt & Pepper, am I talking to Mr Roy?" you saw him talking on the phone, he had promised you that he'd fix things between your wholesalers and you. You kept your eyes on him all day, he went out and brought lunch, he made sure you stayed hydrated. He helped you set the whole thing up for the reopening, he moved the furniture to their right place and cleaned the dust off them, he didn't have to do all this but he was doing it for you. Less than a year ago your life may have felt normal than this but you wouldn't trade this and what you had now. You'd never trade him for anything.

"Darling are you listening?" You heard his voice and it pulled you out of your thoughts

"Sorry did you say something?"

"I found James's number in the phone directory, I called on it but someone else picked up, they're doing a seminar tomorrow in the solar theater..we should go" he told you and you nodded, you walked over to him and hugged him tightly.

"I am grateful for you as well loki, I wouldn't trade it for anything else" his eyes teared up as he heard you. You looked in his eyes then your eyes glanced over his lips and that was it you couldn't stop yourself, you had to kiss him. So you leaned forward and kissed him softly, as soon as he felt your soft lips rubbing against him, he grabbed a hold of your waist and pulled you even closer, then he pressed you against the counter as he kissed you as passionately as he could, he poured the months worth of love in that kiss.

When he finally pulled away, he watched your chest heaving up and down slowly, your eyes closed in anticipation, your face flushed, your lips swollen because of his ministrations, he missed seeing you so frazzled for him. When you finally opened your eyes you looked down and bit on your lips

"Kissing you with the beard is different" you giggled and you saw that rosy shimmer forming on his cheeks again

"Good different?" You nodded

"I have never been into men with beards, I might change my mind about you Mr Laufeyson" he chuckled as you walked away from him and after you were done with the day you both went back to the apartment early, you bought groceries on the way, you wanted to prepare a hearty meal for him after a long day.

However when you reached your apartment, something felt off and weird. And something smelled real bad. You quickly went to the kitchen and he followed you, you found one of his coats burning on the stove, you turned off the stove quickly and looked at him

"What's this nonsense now" Loki walked next to you, his brows furrowed in confusion

"I have never seen a ghost do that, they can't pick up objects"

"They can't? In movies they misplace things all the time"

You shrugged and he looked at you in surprise

"Maira could never do that, and she was as ghostly as one could get"

"Is Steve more dangerous than Maira?"

"I don't know..we should go to that seminar tomorrow"

He cleaned the mess his burning coat made, he wasn't letting it show but he was really scared by this warning or whatever Steve was trying to do here. While you were in the shower, he went to the bedroom upstairs, turned off all the lights and sat down on the bed

"I know you're lurking here you creepy bastard, so show yourself" he raised his voice but he didn't hear a noise or felt a presence "That message you left last night, it doesn't scare me. I have dealt with one of your kind for years, and y/n? I won't let you hurt her anymore, she's mine, she's my wife and she'll always be" he heard a growling noise coming from the corner of the room as he said that.

"That's the truth, she's all mine, I own her kindest heart and her luscious body" Loki spoke again to rile steve up

"I own her soul too you psychopathic maniac"

And that's when Steve leaped over him to attack him.

💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💀💀💀💚❤️💚❤️💚

Taglist : @annoyingsweetsstranger @alycxx @daddylokisqueen @ddeadlystbbxx @elenaysusneuras @snigdha-14 @loki-s-wife @asgardianprincess1050 @nonsensicalobsessions @chaotics17 @catalina712 @rat-p1ss @dracofxckingluciusmalfoy @dopeqff @babymetaldoll @xorpsbane @jaspearl31 @mcufan72 @michelleleewise @christineblood @howdidurhammergrowchris @sharklover927 @kittycattoys @123forgottherest @soumya-13 @jadep2003 @misswimberly @nixymarvelkins @colifower

[flamingo-writes]

It's Better When The Sun Goes Down — Nanami x Reader

This is a piece for the Anilysium Server NSFW Collab! Make sure to check the masterlist to see other writer's works! This month's prompt was: "I can't hold back anymore"

I'd like to dedicate this fanfic to one of my dearest and closest friends. I'm not a Nanami simp myself, but they are. And I have fun writing for Nanami, and also I love writing angsty things and flawed characters. Reg, I hope you enjoy this as much as you enjoy my more casual writing.

(it's pink bcs youre Chancho)

Word Count: 5.4K

Warnings: Mentions of breakup and heartbreak, alcohol and drug consuption, public sex, ghosting, lots and lots of angst. This does not have a happy ending. This is also non proof read bcs I kinda left it to the last minute I'm sorry, I'll go back and edit it when I am not in a rush dcj nd

Summary: Nanami’s return to the Sorcerer life wasn’t so bad. It could be better if Gojo wasn’t determined to get him back with his ex. As Nanami tries to get on good terms with them, things get out of control, only to end up where it all began.

I made this playlist while writing, in case you wanna listen to it while reading. Preferably listen to it without the shuffle, but you can hear it on shuffle, no biggie.

Nanami had forgotten how painfully unbearable Gojo could be. His return as a Sorcerer had been nothing out of the ordinary for a Sorcerer's standards. Missions here and there, or watching over some of Gojo's students. But God, he had surely stepped out of the line this time.

He couldn't even begin to explain how much he hated his current situation. Fighting by your side for the first time in years felt like rubbing hot oil on an open wound. The uncomfortable ignoring the elephant in the room between you two, as you two tracked and fought what felt like a million Curses.

When the adrenaline was at its peak, it felt almost nostalgic; though he'd then remembered everything else and immediately made his own reality bitter and awkward. Overshadowed by the advantage of years of experience ahead of him made him resent you even more. He knew it was childish and pointless to keep remembering everything that happened between you two, but that bittersweet memory would most likely keep him at bay.

You were still strong, witty, fearless, reckless and quick to act and defend yourself. The way you moved looked more swiftly and coordinated than you did back in your student days. Almost as if you were a professional dancer. He hated every bit of it. He couldn’t stop looking at you, thinking about you, and the possibilities of what you two would have become.

After the mission was over, no words were exchanged between you two. Aside from the: "Are you alright?" He told you as you simply gave him a thumbs up as you caught your breath drenched in sweat. An entire ride in an uncomfortable silence, until he reached the school and you got out of the car.

"Thanks. You did a great job. Keep it up" You said. Cold, and straight to the point. Closing his car door before he could reply. And soon, you were gone.

As Nanami tried to get his mind off the mission, Gojo made it difficult. He called him to ask for the details of the mission. He seemed amused and intrigued, as clearly you hadn't told him shit. And honestly, he could understand why. Gojo was meddling on things that weren’t his business, and things that had died a long time ago.

"Why are you interrogating me, Gojo?" He asked as he pressed hisnfingers on the bridge of his nose. "Ask your underling…"

"Because that jerk left for the bar as soon as they arrived" He explained. "And I know better than to annoy a drunk [Name], It took me a while but...I finally learned my lesson" He chuckled. “I knew they could hit hard, but damn, I had a big ass bruise…” Nanami could almost hear his stupid grin.

"You make it sound like it's a recurrent event" Nanami pointed out, slightly surprised as he didn't know you were a drinker.

"Oh, Nanami-kun, you really know nothing huh?" Gojo said, smiling widely as he had managed to manipulate Nanami into asking.

"Know what?" Nanami hissed as he now swore he could hear Nanami creepily grinning at his phone.

"No, nothing!” Gojo said as if it were nothing; trying and succeeding at peeking at Nanami’s curiosity “I'm not gonna talk over depressing things on the phone. Gotta go, bye! Kith kith, Kento-kun" Gojo sang and hung up, as he smirked, proud of his little mischief. He sighed deeply as he stretched in his bed. "Soon, those two will be back together" he smirked to himself.

Nanami hissed a curse under his breath as he locked his phone and threw it on his bed and went to the kitchen. If he had understood well, Gojo had just hinted at a possible drinking problem. He tried shaking his mind off of it. You couldn't, could you? You weren’t a drinker...You weren’t the last time he saw you. You were able to party and have fun without having to intoxicate yourself.

You were wild, cheerful, unpredictable. Everything he was not. And that’s what had made him fall in love with you back in your school days. You were so laid back, he could feel it permeating into him when you two hung out. The few times he’d broken rules was because you’d been the bad influence, however, you somehow managed to get away with it, and leave him with some distant memory in which he felt actually glad to be alive. He usually felt like he was walking on a cloud stuck in time, being present and enjoying the little things that made his everyday memories.

He’d really screwed up after breaking up with you...if he could call that a breakup... His life took a dramatic turn. And then, he turned his back to this world, and got immersed in the gray life the average man in Japan had. Away from what he's familiar with, away from his friends, away from you.

And now, apparently, you had a drinking habit. He wondered if he had caused it, or if he was one of the reasons behind it. The guilt started creeping in. The same guilt and regret he felt after ghosting on you. Not being able to bring himself to properly end things with you.

The guilt he’d managed to swipe under the rug for so many years creeped back out, and followed him around as the afternoon went by. After having a shower, changing into more comfortable clothes and in a lame attempt to cook dinner, he decided to test his luck. He put on a dark button down shirt and decided to go to the bar closest to the School. He felt the naive hope to find you there. However, if you had an actual problem, then his chances to see you there were higher.

Such was his surprise to find you there, trying to get rid of some insistent guy who kept talking to you despite your very obvious lack of interest. Before you could spot him, he watched you aggressively turn to the guy and talk to him in a rather rude tone. Sounding almost like a moody sailor as the guy’s face soon was washed with horror and disgust and walked away. As you turned your face back to your drink, your eyes scanned the bar, finally spotting him.

“Oh god” You whined as you pulled the glass to your lips. “It’s too early to be this drunk…” You hissed.

“Mind if I sit here?” He asked, pointing at the chair in front of you.

“Tell Gojo to go fuck himself…” You snapped at him as you stood up and stumbled your way to the bar asking for a refill. Nanami looked at you, feeling slightly sorry for your tipsy state, as he’d never seen you like that. And he knew being mad and drunk was never a good combination. As you turned around with your glass and made your way back to your table, you gave him a slightly repulsed smile. “You’re still here…”

“Gojo didn’t send me here, if that’s what you’re thinking” He replied.

“He might as well have manipulated you into doing so, has that crossed your mind?” You said with a sassy tone as you sat back down. “Why are you still standin’?”

Nanami took that as an invitation as he ignored your last comment, trying to refuse the idea that Gojo had manipulated him.

“Rough day, huh?” He said as you nodded and stared at your drink.

“Look, Kento. I’m glad that you’re back. I really am. You’re strong, and you’re smart…” You began. “But I’m gonna cut the chase, I’m kinda annoyed too. Ever since you got back, Gojo has been sticking his snobby nose into my business” You explained. “Many of the missions he sends you in, I’m supposed to be there as well, but manage to get busy by then and not go”

“So you’re actively avoiding me?”

“Yes” You replied bluntly. “Mostly because Gojo is trying very hard to bring us back together. But no, I learned my lesson the first time” You said taking a sip to your scotch, feeling it smoothly sliding down your throat, no longer feeling the burn from the alcohol.

“I haven’t apologized for that…” Nanami began.

“Don’t” You interrupted him. “It’s better this way”

“Are you sure? Because you still seem to have an issue with it…” Nanami said, managing to read you like an open book like he always did. He still had that ability.

You glared at him, angrily as you opened your mouth to snap back at him, but your mind was foggy and a big portion of your brain was focused on the little details surrounding him. His black shirt, the first buttons undone. His thick wrists, one of them hiding underneath a fancy looking watch, his blond hair pushed back, his sharp features...And god, his smell. The smell of his cologne luring you in like a fly to honey. Since any words made it to your mouth, your next step was to take another sip.

“You’re drinking too fast” He pointed out.

“None of your business” You said standing up and taking your wallet out and leaving a few bills on the tale. “I’m out” You said coldly and walked out of the bar.

Nanami sighed, frustrated that he hadn’t managed to get anything out of interaction. Aside from the pretty clear fact that you disliked him. However, he didn’t think of the possibility of you resenting him so much because you still had feelings for him.

As you walked out of the bar, the chilly wind hit the back of your neck, making you shiver. You cursed, knowing it was going to make you feel drunker faster. You made your way to the school with long steps, trying to make it to your dorm before your last drink made it to your head. Despite the cold wind, the hot tears in your eyes in a way kept your face warm. As you tried to keep yourself from crying, you heard steps behind you.

“Wait” You heard Nanami’s voice calling behind you as you stopped on command, against your own will. You swallowed the lump on your throat and managed to keep the tears still in your eyes, as you refused to look at

him. “At least let me walk you home. You can’t walk on your own like this…”

“Oh, so now you care?” You said turning around and looking at him, giving him a smug smile. “You’ve changed” You scoffed bitterly.

“Please” He said, knowing better than trying to argue with you.

Your stare on him softened, as something within you urged you to say yes. To have more time with Nanami and maybe cling to the bittersweet memories you were constantly reliving since his return.

“Fine” You said, very much to his surprise. He smiled and walked closer to you with the gentle smile that had been haunting your dreams as of lately.

“C’mon. My car is not far from here…”

You stopped coldly as he mentioned a car. Taking a second look at him, you wondered how much he’d changed. He’d become an adult through and through, hadn’t he? While you were still a mess...Or so you thought. To Nanami’s eyes, you were a far better sorcerer and warrior than him. And he envied you for it.

“Are you actually going to take me to the school?” You asked, suddenly growing suspicious of him, as you’d had plenty of experiences with strangers on the street and knew better than going into someone’s car in a drunken state.

Not that you didn’t trust Nanami. You didn’t trust yourself drunk.

“I was actually thinking of taking you somewhere for dinner and then to the school” He said.

“Not hungry”

“No, but you’re drunk. It’ll sober you up, and tomorrow morning you’ll thank me when you wake up without a hangover” He said as he walked towards his car.

“I don’t have any more money on me” You lied, looking for an excuse to avoid spending any more than necessary with him.

“I didn’t ask you if you have money” He said boldly as he managed to make you smirk for the first time since his return.

“Smooth, Nanami. You’ve grown” You said as you followed him.

The walk to his car felt like your chest burnt far more than the alcohol ever did. It felt bitter, it hurt and was nauseating. Was it really it, or was it the alcohol finally catching up with you? Like flashes of instant memories being erased from your memory, the drive to a restaurant felt like a poorly edited foreign film. The car felt like some intense themed park ride as you felt dizzy with the alcohol whispering everything you missed about him. It was gross and it was sickening.

The Ramen sign on the outside on itself managed to sober you up a little by taking your mind off Nanami. As you followed him, clumsily standing on your feet, you sat on one of the tables and tried to make sense of the dancing letters in the menu. More flashes of memories were taken off your head, as you wondered what was happening and how drunk were you for you to start blacking out.

“Not good…” you muttered under your breath.

“Did you say something?” Nanami asked.

“No. Nothing”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m not”

“You’ll feel better in a bit. Don’t worry…” He said softly as he sipped from a soda you didn’t know he had. When had he ordered it? You looked in front of you to the nice surprise that you had one too despite not knowing how or when. “I ordered some ramen for you. Something spicy...It’ll sober you up faster”

You chuckled as you looked at him.

“And how do you know that?” You asked with a cheeky tone as he smiled softly.

“Went drinking a lot with friends from work” He said. “I learned a few things here and there”

More brief black outs kept lazily painting a rather miserable painting in your memory. As you ate your ramen, you found yourself relaxing more and more. Was it the hot spicy broth? In the beginning, the balck outs weren’t getting any less frequent, however, as the night went by, you found yourself sobering up like he said. Soon, the black outs were gone, however you were still somehow locked in a haze. Although it made sense. The amount of booze as well as the short time, it was going to take a lot more than just one hot bowl of spicy ramen to get you back to a sober state.

The conversation kept flowing comfortably as both of you ate. It was reminiscent of the old days, nostalgic and somehow morbid. As the both of you tried to grasp at the old days when your worries were limited to school work. Catching up like old friends who hadn't seen each other, as if you didn’t have hard feelings for each other.

After having finished your food, Nanami paid for both of your meals and went back out into the cold night. The sky black, stars hidden by the streetlights as you made it to his car and finally noticed the silver color in it.

As he drove back to the school, you noticed he took a small detour, instantly setting alarms in your head.

“Where are we going?” You asked, your voice considerably serious as he noticed the change in tone from the pleasant talk they were having in the restaurant.

“There’s somewhere I’d like to go…” He said as he briefly looked at you and gave you a tender smile.

That smile made your heart uncomfortably skip a beat as you hated the effect he still had on you. You didn’t dare to ask any further as you slowly recognized the route he was taking. As he slowly took one of the roads towards the edge of the city close to the coast line. He stopped in a rather deserted place, as he got off the road and stopped the car.

Despite the lack of light, aside from the few streetlights, you knew exactly where you were. A whole in your chest opened dramatically as you felt your eyes tear up and happy memories attached to the location flooded your mind.

“Kento…” You said chuckling bitterly.

“When I said I wanted to apologize, I meant it…” He said as you clenched your jaw and looked out your window, avoiding his stare.

“And I told you I didn’t want to talk about it…”

“You’re still upset about it, I get it. And I don’t blame you” He began as he felt his heart beating hard in his chest. “Look at me, please”

You wanted to say something to him. But you knew you would break down crying as soon as you opened your mouth. You took a deep breath and without saying anything you looked at him. His dark brown eyes gazing into yours, as he was looking at you with a rather pained stare.

“You remember this place, don’t you?” He asked.

A bitter laugh escaped your lips as you clicked your seatbelt, getting it off.

“I’m done” You said dryly as you opened the door and got out of the car.

“No, [Name]. Please, wait” He said as he mirrored your movements and excited the car walking around it.

“Of fuckign course I know where I am, Kento” You barked as you walked away approaching the door. “I know where I lost my fucking virginity, okay?” You barked as you stopped coldly and looked at him, tears finally streaming off your face. “Look, I’ll make us a favour and summarize this conversation. Yes, you’re a fucking asshole for just taking off one day and completely disappearing. Yes, I’m still mad about it. No, I won’t take your apology. No, I don’t care about whatever shitty excuse you have for me to listen to you. You bringing me here out of all places isn’t going to change shit…” You spat all in one breath as you stopped and took a deep breath.

“I loved you, Kento. I really did. And it hurt to have you just dissipate like you were a hallucination or something...You were my first kiss, my first love, my first everything! And one day I lost all of that. You ruined sex for me!” You yelled angrily. “I could never hold, kiss or sleep with anyone, because at some point I’d see your stupid face, and then be incredibly underwhelmed because I would not enjoy sex. I can’t feel anything anymore, Kento...The only way I can actually enjoy those things is by getting drunk or high” You admitted. “I can’t walk into bookstores, nor eat sandwiches or diet coke, nor drink tea because all those things remind me of you. And yes, it’s lame that all these years later I still care about those things. And this is why I can’t forgive you” You cried, as your voice shook.

Nanami’s heart broke little by little at each one of your words. He knew he’d screwed up and had hurt you deeply. But he wasn’t aware of the actual impact. He clenched his jaw as he felt his chest tight and a lump on his throat. Now the drinking problem made sense. Gojo had painted it like you were an alcoholic, but it wasn’t exactly the case. So you’d gone to the bar to get it off with some stranger, probably pretending it was him.

The dizzying pain and weight of his mistakes blinded him for a second as he walked towards you as you kept bitterly complaining. As you tried to walk away, you made a very poor effort as he caught up with you and cupped your face in his hands, bringing you closer to him and shutting you up by pressing his lips against you.

The sudden surprise made your heart stop. Your mind turning numb and blank at once as you struggled to bring yourself to push him away. However, truth be told, you didn't want to push him away. The poor attempt to push him away was more than obvious. The strong fighter you were, barely making any physical effort. Nanami's hands wrapped around your back and pulled you close, squeezing you against him as he sighed into the kiss.

Finally kissing him back, you locked your lips against his desperately, eager to taste the lips you've been dreading in your dreams. Clinging to him like he was going to disappear again, a soft whimper escaped your mouth. Your chest pressing against him as he felt his own world getting blurry.

He broke the kiss pulling away as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“You have no idea how much I missed you” He whispered as you clung to him.

“I-I…” You stuttered, the words tasting bitter before they even made it to your mouth. “Fuck, I want you, Kento” You growled as he pulled you in, kissing you hungrily again.

His hands posessively clinging to you as he slowly guided you back to the car. One step at the time as you both melted in a hungry sour kiss. As you ran out of breath, you pulled away, gasping for air as you gripped his collar in your hands.

“I can’t hold back anymore” You said as you pulled away and grabbed his hand, walking back to his car.

Your words unleashed a shiver down his spine as his heart skipped a beat and raced like crazy, as his pants started feeling tighter on his crotch. He chuckled softly as he realized his own judgement seemed to have disappeared with that first kiss. And before you could even make it to his car, he gripped your hips and spun you around as he bumped his forehead against yours.

“I can’t either” He admitted as he guided you to the car’s hood and pulled you over it. Ass you sat on the warm hood, he got between your legs and you wasted no time wrapping them around his waist. He grunted softly feeling your crotch against his as you pulled him closer to seal your lips together.

As you soon were absorbed by the dizziness of your rising heat, his hand went to your bare thighs as he slowly caressed your skin, going up and lifting your skirt up in the process. A soft moan slid into his mouth as he gripped your ass softly and squeezed it. The way your skin got covered in goosebumps and how you jerked your hips made him moan in response.

It felt good, and intoxicating. The driving desire burning his insides. The feeling of desiring to taste you all over and have you shaking underneath him. God, he’d missed that particular rush of adrenaline. His body reacting to the deeply buried memories now loose. He felt like he was in the best high he’d experienced. Lightheadedness and presence in the moment, he hadn’t felt this alive in so long.

Your hands were slowly undoing his buttoned shirt and were quick to explore his warm skin. He pulled away from the kiss, gasping as he looked at you. Your devilish smile matching your hungry stare. You leaned forward kissing his neck, nibbling on his skin every now and then. His hand gripped your hair tightly, pulling it lightly, making you look up at him as he stared at you.

He leaned forward, kissing you once more, this time a lot more slow and a lot more tender. It was sweet and it was slow and it took you by surprise. You felt his sweet kiss begging you, still holding on to the feelings you both decided to drown unsuccessfully. It almost hurt. It was the kind of kiss that told you how much you missed and needed each other. How much you regretted the mistakes you’ve done.

As you melted against his lips, his hands slowly slid your panties off. You helped him lifting your hips a little but as you giggled against his lips.

“Eager?” You said with a playful smirk.

“You have no idea” He replied as he took off your panties and shoved them in his back pocket.

His hand made it back to your thigh, slowly going up until he palmed your hot sex. Stealing a gasp out of your mouth, he teasingly ran one of his fingers through your dripping slit, making him smile satisfied.

“I’m not the only one, huh?” He said as you looked at him with lustful eyes.

You took his glasses off and set them aside. You were about to go back to kissing his neck when he slid one finger inside of you effortlessly. A rather loud moan escaped your lips as you shut your eyes closed feeling your entire body tingle in a way you hadn’t felt in years. You smiled satisfied as you continued kissing his neck. Slowly, he got another finger inside. The delicious stretch of his second finger prompting you to bite his neck softly making him growl your name softly. His fingers explored the whole he knew so well, as he found your sweet spot almost by muscle memory. More moans came out of your throat sounding like music to his ears.

“Fuck, Kento” You hissed as you took off your top, not caring that you were outdoors and by the road. Up to this point, you were so pent up, you simply craved him like you’d never craved anything before.

Nanami wasted no time and kissed your neck, going down to your neck, gently biting your skin every now and then. Sucking delicately on your skin, leaving marks that wouldn’t last long. He pulle dhis fingers out of you, clinging to your body desperately. As you laid on the car’s hood, you devoured him with your lustful eyes, begging him to get on top of you. Wearing just your skirt by this point, Nanami groaned at the plain sight of you.

He undid his belt and his pants. Your hands playfully teasing your own body in an attempt to drive him crazier and crazier. He cursed under his breath as he couldn’t take it any longer. He pulled his painfully hard erection out of his pants. You watched hi, intrigued, stretching your hands towards him, gently gripping his dick. His breath hitched and you smiled proudly.

Nanami leaned over the car hood, slowly getting on top of you, his shaft resting on your belly as he looked at how much deep could he go inside of you. His tip almost reaching you belly button, as the idea alone made a shiver run down his spine.

"Please, Kento" you gasped, need dripping from your voice as you caressed his dick

He growled softly as he pulled away softly, aligning against your entrance and slowly going in. You gasped, pushing your head back and pressing your hips against his making him go deeper.

Hissing your name, he jerked his hips, his tip.kissing your cervix as sudden rush of pain jolted through your body, followed by pleasure. You dug your nails in his shoulders as he thrusted back and forth, hitting all the right spots. The sound of his gasps and grunts hypnotizing as you got wetter by the second. His length coated in your juices, echoing in lewd wet noises.

He was rough. He usually was. Back in student days, he was particularly rough. As quiet and collected as he seemed, he sure got his stress out if his body through wild sex.

Relentlessly pushing against you, stretching you in such a delicious way only he knew how. Strong and aggressive movements as your walls swallowed him whole every time, breathless moans escaping your lips with every push. The cool wind kissing your skin, only enhancing his warmth.

As you felt your orgasm progressively approaching, the realization of how addicted you were to him hit you. He was everything you desired. And it was wrong. Before the feeling of uneasiness started to sink in, a sudden electric rush ran through your body. Painfully and soothing, as you tightly clenched around himbsoon numbed your mind.

As you came around him, your walls sucked him in tightly, as he was right over the brink, your velvet flesh pushed him off the edge. He didn't have time to pull out. And honestly, he didn't want to pull out. The way your walls milked him felt delicious. As he rode you through your orgasm, filling you up as his head felt dizzy and the world was spinning faster than usual. His hot seed coating your insides, as you shut your eyes closed, feeling the very last of your orgasm fading away.

He pressed his forehead against yours. Loud pants echoing.

However, the world didn't quite return to its regular focus.

The rest of the night went by in a fuzzy hot mess of events. You returned to his apartment and kept feasting on each other, making up for the lost time. Both of you incredibly starved and needy, you desperately went at it over and over again. It was a rather long night. As you feared, no one made you feel as he did. All of him was addicting. His smell, his voice, his warmth, his skin...It didn’t matter how many strangers you fucked, or how drunk or high you were, he felt just right. He made you cum so easily, it seemed ridiculous everyone else couldn’t.

But you knew it was far more than that.

You were still deeply in love with him. No wonder why he had that effect on you. Just hearing his breathlessly gasp was enough to have you soaking wet and under his mercy. Between sweet kisses, fake promises and sweaty sex, he quite literally fucked you to oblivion. Until either of you could take it any longer and you two fell asleep in each other’s arms. It had been a long tiring night, as you knew many of your muscles were gonna be sore the next day. Your chest painted in red and blue bruises.

It was possibly one of the best night sleeps he’d had. In such a long time. The uncomfortable hole in his chest didn’t feel so wide now. Just like you, he didn’t know how much he actually needed you until now. His regrets, his guilt, the thoughts haunting him on how much of a jerk he’d been when he simply took off...All those feelings went away for a night. As he tasted the wonders of the universe under your skin. Feeling ecstatic and euphoric for the first time in years. However, nothing could’ve prepared Nanami for what he was about to experience when he woke up.

~

“What the hell is this?” Gojo asked as he waved around the folder you’d left a few hours earlier in the Headmaster’s office.

“Why the fuck do you care?” You said as you grabbed it, ripping it off his hands.

“You’re seriously leaving for Kyoto?” He whined.

“So my transfer was accepted? Great!” You said sarcastically as you opened the folder and saw the Headmaster’s seal at the bottom.

“What about Nanami-kun?” Gojo replied as the very last string of your patience snapped.

“Oh, fuck you, Gojo! You tried to force us back together, but it’s not going to happen” You snapped. “I’m done. I’m done with him, and I’m done with you sticking your nose in my business”

“Do you really think that running away will solve anything? You’ll still be depressed as hell”

“The less I know about him, the better” You said as you turned around, hot tears blurring your sight as you headed with long steps towards your room. “I don’t trust myself around him…” You whispered. “He’s my weakness Gojo, I can’t let that happen…” You said coldly.

You’d left that morning very early, before Nanami woke up. And you left leaving no trace of you ever being there. Unintentionally doing the same he did. It was unintentional because you hadn’t done it out of spite. Your thought process had been simply. You preferred to not have that conversation and simply leave without him noticing. You had had the exact same thought process Nanami had had all those years ago.

You didn’t waste time and soon started packing your things to leave for Kyoto right away.