#i didn’t get ready for tomorrow
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nanihirunkits · 4 months ago
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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dailyjevil · 5 months ago
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Progress flag Jevil to finish off pride month?
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Day 303 of posting Jevil every day
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bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue · 3 months ago
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Rebecca is ready for the new school year and so am I!
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tonguetyd · 19 days ago
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Yeah…cuz nothing conservative or homophobic or anything EVER fucking happens in Canada……..🤨
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songofsaraneth · 4 months ago
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germany was great but i was so so so betrayed by a kebab my last night and got food poisoned before my 17 hours of Airports And Planes and i lived an entire lifetime of misery but finally im to CO and and can escape death for a little bit hhhhh
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mars-ipan · 2 days ago
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kinda funny when ur brain’s gut instinct is repression so you just kinda watch while your stress and emotions get bottled and corked and the whole time ur just like “that is going to bite me in the ass so bad later but i can’t seem to open the damn bottles without getting glass everywhere so! guess we’ll wait”
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- not super but this is more negative than i like to be#sorry folks i’ve been mental illness posting a lot#maybe i should get checked for seasonal affective disorder. or maybe this is a trauma response? i DID nearly die this year#i dunno. the trauma stuff in particular is tricky bc if i try to unpack it before i’m ready i could basically just retraumatize myself#but if i wait too long then it’ll do some damage that way too. so i gotta time it right#what i really gotta do is actually contact one of these psychologists i got referred#i think i wanna go for a psychologist instead of a therapist bc i’d like the opportunity for medication/diagnosis if possible#i keep like. almost crying but every time it happens i’m like ‘YESSS CATHARSIS’ and then it goes away. fuckass brain#sighhh. i’m tired. i’m tired of resting too#but tomorrow is a holiday celebrated by eating good food with your family#so i’m gonna try to just enjoy myself and enjoy the day#and it’ll be nice#i’ll probably help cook which i always like doing#i got to chop chocolate tonight. it was really fun i like working with knives#didn’t even get any intrusive thoughts. just focused on making chocolate chunks#it’s satisfying to feel like you’ve made something. chopping things makes me feel like i’ve made something#i want to make more things. i’m really tired all the time lately (different from blood loss tired (i’m relieved i can tell the difference))#and being tired makes it harder to make things#but i’m at my happiest when i’m creating in some way. if you believe in purposes i’d say that was mine#i need to make things i need to put myself out into the world. that way i can look and say i existed. i did something tangible#sigh okay i’m gonna . stop here before this turns into mars shares all of her thoughtfeelings on public website tumblr.com#i know i literally liveblogged my colonoscopy prep to you all (thx again ppl who supported me then btw that was an awful night)#buuuuut i still wanna leave some parts of me a little mysterious. (<- is an open book)
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nubs-mbee · 2 years ago
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“A career in art is fun!” No it’s NOT it’s 10pm and I am finally eating a meal for the first time today because I’ve been working all weekend and all week and I barely managed to go out to get groceries yesterday! A career in art is a cry for help
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tvrningout · 11 months ago
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my sister: don’t get me anything for christmas bc you helped me get a dog
me: okay if you’re sure
me on dec 24, sneaking her gift under the tree:
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threnodians · 3 months ago
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i can’t sleep because of this damn sore throat nor can i get comfortable for some reason but hopefully the complete lack of more than 3hrs of sleep means that after i work i will go to bed earlier than 5am 🥲🤞🏻
in any case i hope y’all are having a good day and that you have a good night as well 💗
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reflectionsofgalaxies · 4 months ago
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hannahhasafact · 8 months ago
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Dude today I went to an adult Easter egg hunt and then when I got home I watched a campy ass movie inspired by From Dusk Til Dawn featuring drag queens and it was fucking great
Being an adult is fucking awesome man this was a fun ass Easter
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icelogged · 1 year ago
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he goes on to say “If we do not oppose [eroticism] we must no longer consider it objectively as something outside ourselves”.
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my twin’s thesis
“hot girl relishes in gore and grotesque visions b/c they know that to be alive is to be disgusting and to be disgusting is to, be close to god, thank you”. Yah Yah Scholfield, [posted on their tumblr “fluoresensitive”]
“Filth is God. God is Filth”. “through disease, through rot we reach God”. CUPIDCORE, unreleased [both]
“The sanitization of simply being is criminal and routinely results in dangerous consequences— I am human; with a body capable of repulsive things— still taboo to speak about even though we all experience ~bodily functions. Gross is godly for grime is real, true, raw” o.o mim, copied from an ask pending to be sent. yes, i even have draft text messages <3
“God rapidly and almost entirely loses his terrifying features, his appearance as a decomposing cadaver, in order to become, at the final stage of degradation, the simple (paternal) sign of universal homogeneity”. Georges Bataille, “The Use Value of D. A. F. de Sade (An Open Letter to My Current Comrades)” in Visions of Excess (Translation by Allan Stoekl)
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“And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? To throw off the chains of being for an instant, to shatter the accident of our mortal selves? Euripides speaks of the Maenads: head thrown I back, throat to the stars, ‘more like deer than human being’. To be absolutely free! One is quite capable, of course, of working out these destructive passions in more vulgar and less efficient ways. But how glorious to release them in a single burst! To sing, to scream, to dance barefoot in the woods in the dead of night, with no more awareness of mortality than an animal! These are powerful mysteries. The bellowing of bulls. Springs of honey bubbling from the ground. If we are strong enough in our souls we can rip away the veil and look that naked, terrible beauty right in the face; let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. Then spit us out reborn”. Donna Tartt, “The Secret History”
“we are flesh, it is unjust to pretend flesh does not rot”. O.O Mim, “A letter to my Anhedönia”
“The first thing God made is love then comes blood and the thirst for blood”. George Seferis, translated by Edmund Keeley, from Collected Poems; “Stratis Thalassinos Among the Agapanthi”
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then he hits us with this
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like… let me kiss you with tongue but you can’t go around saying that bae, or liberals on twitter will cancel us 💔
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reyesstrand · 2 years ago
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I understand the negativity bc this season did throw us for a loop BUTTTT I’m here and I’m just gonna enjoy the content we get. That scene was great. It set up the conflict, saw them spiral into their old habits, and confirmed a shit ton of Tarlos fanon. It can only get better lol
there’s definitely always valid criticisms to be had—i’ve had them too!! this show is not perfect and does not always stick the landing and the writing can be sloppy—but the main thing i’m thinking abt is like. to not judge something before we’ve even seen it. i feel like every season we go over this ajdnskd and i could go on about the clip but it’s not even just about this episode, negativity has been ramping up in general and it makes being genuinely excited about things a little more difficult. so—yeah i’m with you in enjoying the content we get and i’m looking forward to how this shows more of who they are as a couple. they’ve basically come out and said that this isn’t a reason to worry: that they’re stable and on the same page, they just need to…communicate to get to that page, which is what they’ve been saying happens. a kids conversation should’ve happened before but we’re finally seeing this development on screen, we’re seeing this communication and discussion with two valid opinions, and we’re seeing it on their road to deciding to spend together forever. we see it all actually play out tomorrow, we just have to wait and see.
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goldensunset · 1 year ago
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cheers to this guest lecturer for nearly giving me a heart attack making me think there was a paper due tomorrow that i hadn’t even heard about so i couldn’t focus the rest of the lecture and like rushed home and opened the site to find there was nothing at all
#when you’re gone for a week and only check your email (which sends notifs when assignments are due in 24 hours) and nothing else#it is not difficult to be convinced that A Big Thing Is Happening That You Didn’t Know About#i already (for shame) had an awkward experience in german class today#the entire class session was spoken entirely in german about a comic we were meant to have read and i only minimally participated#the prof afterwards was like ‘did you manage to follow along ok?’ and i had to tell him yeah i fully understood the conversation#i just didn’t contribute words of my own bc um. i didn’t have any material from which to draw forth words#which is tooooootally on me i could have and should have done the reading while away#he’s been nice and forgiving but i couldn’t teehee my way out of that one#and yet somehow he still was like ‘oh do you want me to postpone your quiz on friday’ SIR you are being way too nice#i completely do not deserve an extension on any of this i ran away to another continent for a week just for funsies#i easily could’ve done the work and studying i just kind of Suck it’s my own fault i should’ve been more responsible#so i told him oh no no i can fully handle doing all this work in the next two days and i’m fully ready to study for this quiz#which like. let’s be real based on what i heard in class today uhhh yeah this should be a cakewalk i am far more skilled than he realizes#i still have to study but like. the last minute grind is what i do best i’m genuinely not concerned and ik good resources if i get stuck#peach rambles#but anyway about this guest lecturer guy. he was talking about meditation and mentioned stuff that might be distracting us#and said something about ‘that paper you have due tomorrow in this class’#twice#which made me FLIP#i guess he was referring to a theoretical paper in a theoretical class?#that might be theoretically causing stress#because we don’t have this class physically tomorrow and there’s nothing open online due tomorrow so there can’t be anything#but like sheesh bro
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talkfastcal · 1 year ago
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Halfway awake and I still have to add eyes to my student’s whales so you know what that means: time to turn on the marathon playlist
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tvrningout-a · 2 years ago
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me, looking at my inbox to see one heart-crushing ask followed by a bunch of fluff:
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