#i did this literally forever ago and never posted it i dont think

[v4guelyv4mpiric]

missing him already

[chrissdollie]

rapper!chris x singer!reader hcs

a/n: lowkey a collab with @bambi-slxt bc of all the headcanons she sent me LMAOO thank u sweets!! <3

SFW

chri$ is definitely one of the more "soft" rappers. everyone knows that hes a lovesick puppy for you. he doesnt have ONE line including the words "my bitch". instead he replaces them with "my girl" OR "my wife" :((

i think he would 100% make an album fully dedicated to you. kinda like tyler the creator's "call me if you get lost" in a way. for example, in the song "HEAVEN TO ME", tyler explains his dreams. chris would rap about all of the things he wants to do with you and how he sees you in his life forever

he has many features on peace on the beach with my peach since its partially about your guys' sweet relationship! theres moments in the record where there are beautiful beats paired with your heavenly vocals and cute voice cracks while chri$ is dropping barssss (ill make a post ab lyrics i think he'd add)

sososososo supportive of your creative journey. he was with you as you wrote and planned out your extremely personal debut. he even helped out at the studio :c

but then you started adventuring some time after your 2nd-3rd album. you started experimenting with different genres/styles. you created storylines and visuals along with your music.

out of the two of you, chri$ is definitely more famous. anyhow, he got invited to the met gala and had u has his plus one obviously, where you both looked drop dead gorgeous!! i literally cannot see him wearing a basic ass suit and tie to the met. he has to be on your level and match your uniqueness which make you two stand out so much!

when you both got up the steps, he was being interviewed by emma chamberlin, who was also a fan of his. she asked about the creative process of his newly released album and he totallyy put you in the spotlight, saying "yn helped me a lott honestly. she's... literally a genius." he grins, turning to you while keeping his hand on your waist.

you guys like toying with the paparazzi when they're bothering you. you goofballs make silly faces right in the cameras so they back off

one time when you were being interviewed, your sweet boy wrapped his arms around your waist as he listened to you talk. you were a little nervous and stuttered a bit, but chris consoled you by rubbing small circles into your waist and whispering a gentle "it's okay baby" to your ear.

you fangirl on stage when you catch your boyfriend's eyes in the front row. sometimes you entirely stop what you're singing just to giggle and squeal "hiiii honey!!" while twirling your hair like a little girl. the audience cheers with screams when they realize chris is with them in the crowd-- but feels like its only you two in the stadium when he blows you a kiss (some corny shit he never thought he'd do) and mouth the words "i love you".

for the holidays, u two visit homeless shelters and childrens hospitals and perform for everybody <3

imagine just hanging out at the studio with him and your guys' friends. he's manspreading on a leather couch while massaging your feet resting in his lap as you write lyrics in your lap, your friends helping you out as you do.

you knew that somewhere down the line there was going to be some kind of beef. a popular rapper decided to call out chris for something he did years ago as a literal child. you both ignore it until he sends out a tweet about you. something around, "nd his bitch bad asf id hit fs but she a fuckin weirdass childish mf"

you ignore the fact he called u a "weirdass childish mf", you cant care less, many people dont vibe with ur ideas and thats okay!

u do however care about how his girlfriend would react to seeing him wanting to fuck you. and you'd met her before too, she was a little snobbish, but respectful nonetheless. you joked to your boyfriend about dropping your own diss track on him, but he actually seem intrigued. you shut it down almost immediately though, you didn't wanna make something small such a big deal

but at the next big event you guys went to, you found the rapper's girlfriend and showed her his tweet. she thanked you with a furious scowl on her face before she ran off and slapped the shit out of him in front of everybody

chris gets a custom made $5k chain that has ur name and little details that remind him of u around it :((

NSFW

speaking of that chain, he wears it whenever he pounds into you so you'll be reminded of how he's yours.

chris loves ur vocals so much on stage! he finds them beautiful, but he loves them even more in bed.

"cmon mama lemme hear that pretty voice"

in fact, you two created a song just to have playing in the background while you two get intimate

chris audio recorded him eating u out once and you saying, "oh, fuck chris, it's so good!" and he decided to use that as an adlib in his favorite songs OR disses he wrote about someone being a jerk to u

watching chris perform did things to you. seeing him sweat, brushing his gorgeous hair out of his face, putting in so much energy into his performance... it's intoxicating! sometimes you wish he'd just drop the mic, pull you onstage, and make love to you infront of the world.

he talks about marrying you while he's balls deep inside of your wet cunt :( saying how he wants to drop a humongous bag on your ring, give you the wedding of your dreams, and how he desperately wants to hear "missus sturniolo" from others' mouths

chris will totally pop up behind stage after a show and guide you to your dressing room not so subtly. you apologize to your manager before rushing to your private room like a giddy teenager. "wanna see her sweetheart, she wet for me righ' now? oh, there she is.." he coos as he bends down to his knees right in front of your pussy when you pull down your pretty pink stage costume.

@leah-loves-lilies @1everythingmustgo @star-sturn @junnniiieee07 @mattsneezing @freshloveee@freshsturns@emma4eva @r6diosturns @matthasmywholeheart @donthugmeimhot @blahbel668 @chrissturnsss @joanofarcily @mattscoquette @slutsturn @sturnioloremarker @ashley9282828 @jnkvivi @sturncakez @lanasturn @riasturns @st7rnioioss @strnlxlqve @starlace111 @mattsfavbigtitties @stvrlighht

[bradycore]

my guilty pleasure headcanon for post cage sam & lucifer (ie s11/12 etc) is that they act like they're on equal footing. and this got way out of hand so under the cut it goes.

obviously there's still a huge power imbalance but in the moment neither of them ever think about it that way. lucifer doesnt see sam as some lowly human who should be scared of him because 1) he does have some respect for how sam was able to overpower him, 2) being his vessel and having demon blood outweighs sam's humanity in lucifer's eyes, and 3) if lucifer thought of sam as his victim he'd be thinking of himself as having done something wrong and he would prefer to make sam take some responsibility for what lucifer did to him. sam doesnt see HIMSELF as some lowly human who should be scared of lucifer because 1) he also chooses not to think about their dynamic as abuser-victim for the sake of blaming himself, 2) he knows lucifer almost as well as lucifer knows him and having shared knowledge and experiences does put them on more equal footing, and 3) lucifer lets him fight back a lot. did he actually have any power over lucifer in the cage? no, but that just means he had nothing to lose by arguing and physically fighting against lucifer, and lucifer engaged with it, and at some point sam's body just couldn't bother with flight or freeze anymore.

probably also they just had normal conversations sometimes like you cant convince me lucifer spent centuries just physically torturing a person he has a unique bond with and would never have gotten bored or felt like actually interacting with him. so i think after that much time in that close proximity they would be very familiar with each other--which doesnt mean sam wouldnt get scared around him, but hes existed around lucifer for much much longer than not, has already gone through every possible thing that lucifer can do to him, and is probably quite good at compartmentalizing and adapting himself to different moods with lucifer.

so in practice we have one person who's much more powerful than the other and has traumatized them beyond belief, but also they just get into arguments sometimes. like lucifer will make one of his snarky, awful comments about sam and sam, who cant allow himself to get angry with literally anyone else because it might make things worse with them but who has been in a state of Worse with lucifer for as long as they've known each other, will snap back something about his daddy issues and then they'll just start yelling and lucifer never actually bothers to escalate it to physically harming sam. or sam will go to him with questions about enochian translations and they'll switch out of english for a while, or if they agree on something they'll argue their opposition down without even glancing at each other bc they know how the other thinks, or they'll spend hours theorizing and analyzing something together bc sam knows about it from lucifer telling him in the cage.

and sometimes they'll make disturbing comments that reference how lucifer tortured sam or how fucked up the cage was, but they'll act like they're just mentioning a past dispute or a shared mild trauma. they'll have age-old arguments that get into really dark callbacks and threats but their body language and tone will be that of a divorced couple bickering over who dropped whose favorite mug five years ago. they'll bring up things about each other's pasts and families and mental issues, both in casual conversation and to levy against each other, that their siblings are the only other ones to know about. sometimes lucifer will throw something at sam in frustration. sometimes sam will stab lucifer in the hand in anger. then they'll carry on as normal.

like at a stranger's first glance, they're two people who've known each other forever but dislike each other. but for anyone who knows their past its insane to observe. they dont hide or ignore their history of centuries of horrible stuff, but the only influence it has on how they interact is that they will say and do anything to each other. this is my favorite way of seeing them and i need to stop talking about it now

[sonicspacecadet]

Fantasy princes bossnoeul and fortpeat

I thought of this awhile ago bc of the boss and noeul pics but there's no way in hell I can do this full length so I did a little brainstorm

Fae Prince! Boss / Vampire Prince! Noeul

Neither live forever theres just a notably longer lifespan for both

Both species basically just hit like 25ish and just age super slow then die looking fairly young

Fae and vampires have had a deep rivalry for centuries but the ones alive when it started are long dead and no one really understands what its over

They meet at like a gala thing for the royalty of all the species

They talk a little but with the rivalry are too nervous to do more than small talk

They leave having a neutral/positive impression

They repeatedly see each other at events and find themselves subconsciously make there way to a private spot to talk and become friends that way

Somewhere in there they fall for each other

They dont really let the rivalry stop them from being together but they know they could never tell anyone

They go on little dates walking through the human world where no one will recognize them

Eventually they get caught boss’s family are LIVID 

Noeul’s family are upset for a very short period of time but ultimately they love him more than they care about some rivalry that they dont dont know why it exists

They meet boss as their sons bf and absolutely adore him and see that he is perfect for their son

Boss gets disowned and thrown out

Noeuls family basically go “fuck it youre ours now”

Nouels coronation ends up uniting the two species as he is beloved by his people and if he trusts boss than they do too

Both groups basically go to HATE boss’s parents bc “how dare you throw our prince out on the streets” (idc how unrealistic that is)

Fae and vampires come to be the strongest allies

I have less for fort peat but I got some

Werewolf Price! Fort / Siren Prince! Peat

Their obstacle is more environmental

Peat can go on land whenever he wants but is super sensitive when on land for more than a few hours

Ie: he gets sick and weak

Mandatory Peat Trauma (™) is that he had a warlock bf at one point that didn’t think he stayed the night often enough and put a spell on him that prevented him from going to the water and he got so sick he almost died

All of the kingdoms found out and the warlock was basically banished

Because of that the sirens are super protective when they find out hes dating fort

They see them together and are immediately like “oh nvm hes literally obsessed with Peats its all good”

Their dates are usually on the beach

Fort sits in the water so Peat doesn't have to get out

The siren song doesn't just lure sailors to the death its more like it sways others moods and they've just had to use it that way as protection

Peat uses it on fort post full moon to help him relax

Both families adore them

Fort ends up buying a beach house that looks out over the water near the sirens kingdom

[back2bluesidex]

Idk if this is something you’d want to read but after reading your post about being lonely, i definitely feel the same way 😅 albeit probably a little different. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this feeling so i thought maybe i’d share this. I just started a seasonal job in retail at 22, ive never had a “real job” because since i was 14 i was considered the “family babysitter” & once i turned 16 i kept applying for jobs so i didnt have to keep babysitting, nothing worked out because i was always met with “you need more experience “ & i kept getting that until i was 20 (when i just gave up & accepted I’ll probably be a babysitter for family/family friends forever 🥲). Ive only really been surrounded by kids & family, my mom took me out of highschool in my 1st year because she hated the public school system & decided to “homeschool” (which was go get my ged at 18), so i never got to experience the highschool life & friends, i was pretty isolated. Aside from getting rejected from jobs constantly, i wasnt able to go to college after either because it was too much money & that “nobody would be at home watching kids”. So ive just constantly felt very alone & whenever i would mention it i was met with things like “dont be selfish. you should be thankful youre not out there in the world, it’s evil” etc etc. Along with the fact i dont know how to drive, i had a huge fear whenever i was 15/16 so i never learned then but when i was 18 i didnt have that anymore & wanted to. I was constantly trying to get people to teach me, but no one would and driving school costs a ton which i didnt have bc no paying job. That added on to that feeling & i kept feeling behind

So fast forward to now at 22, i was finally able to get a seasonal job at victorias secret and nov 4 was my first training day. I still have that feeling & now im just stressed about everything. They immediately put me on cash register & very vaguely explained things to me, so i wasnt the best when trying to check people out & i know in retail you’ll get horrible customers sometimes and that’s literally all i got. I was so overwhelmed & i did accidentally mess up someone’s change (which was fixed!) so i had them screaming at me 2 hours in my first training day. And i cant stop thinking about how inadequate i felt during that & that whole day really. I would get judgmental looks from the other workers when i would ask questions, because ive never done anything like this before. I kept getting looked at like i was stupid for not knowing things & that messed with me (still is). I dont think itll be like that entire time im there, im hoping at least.

And i still dont know how to drive, i tried once this year from my older sister but she started grabbing the wheel when i was trying to drive because she panicked (i was going in a straight line in a empty parking lot) & stated she’s never trying to teach me again. My younger cousins learned how, have their license and new cars already & i hate that i feel jealous and angry about it because it is family, but everyone who helped them constantly told me they couldn’t with me year ago & still now. I get subtle remarks of “your cousins can drive already/youre 22 & relying on others to drive you” etc. (they also all have jobs already & not a seasonal one like me) But yeah, i feel so alone & inadequate at literally everything, have for years. Breakdown all the time because i have no clue on what to do & i have no one to talk to about it.

Rant over, sorry for how long it is, im probably being dramatic too, there are people who have it worse than i do 😅 but yeah, i get that feeling! I do hope you feel better better about it 🫶🏻🤎

Don't say sorry! It's alright. Rather I am glad that you found me and my blog safe enough to share your troubles with.

and let me tell you that you are just 22. You still have a whole lot of time ahead to make money, to learn driving, to make friends, to enjoy life and do everything you want to do.

Don't ever think you are late or that time is slipping away from your clutches! It's not.

I am 25 and I can't even cook. Can you believe it? a 25 year old woman who can't even fry an egg properly while cooking is a basic survival skill? my friends can make a whole feast if they want to and I only know how to boil some instant noodles. At times this made me feel like an inferior too but no, none of us are inferior to one another because what I can't do - you can and what you can't do - I can. we are all lacking and it's okay.

Also, if those people made you feel like a fool just because they didn't train you properly then it's their fault, not yours. when you start working you need to learn one thing that is to make you skin thick. It's only you who needs to know the truth - that it's not your fault - and the rest of the world can go fuck off.

and what if you did some mistakes? we all are allowed to do so. mistakes are the only way we get to learn, isn't it?

So, please, darling. Cheer up! You have a ton of time to buy that car or get that job or tell people to fuck off when they ask you to watch their kids. Things aren't over yet. You are doing good. You will do even better tomorrow and one day you will be the best! I believe in you and I am proud of you!

even though I know we are basically strangers but just know this person right here, an elder sister to you, will always be proud of you no matter what!

if you want to talk, slide into my inbox any time. I will always welcome you!

Love you!! 💕💕💕💕

P.S: You should have charged for those babysitting sessions.

P.S.S: I, too, don't know how to drive. LMAO!

[atticsandwich]

nightbringer lesson 40 was bittersweet 🥲 the hard mode reunion felt indicative of something but we'll see.

spoilers but also not really but just in case under the cut

also this lesson more or less put lucifer in the forefront of my nightbringer suspects. i talked about having a theory about that months ago but i never got around to making a post about it 😵‍💫 the basic premise of the theory is that irl lucifer is also known as the light-bringer (morning star also calling to this, the phenomenon of a planet or star (most prominently sirius) appearing on the horizon before sunrise) so nightbringer might be a play off of this OR the fact that the moon's light itself is a reflection from a star (sun) etc etc i cant really explain the nuance of my thought process here LMFAO

anyways one of my biggest calling points that made me think of luci=nb again is that during the scene when MC spends time with him in his study, he gives an angel's blessing and the game specifically highlights the moment he says "now... and the future" (too lazy to grab screenshots i am at the airport LMFAO) and while yes it could have simply been an overall statement of him wanting MC to be happy always, something about the way it's highlighted AND the fact that he also talked about being trapped forever in cocytus if not for the fact he met MC made me think about nightbringer's motives.

anyways. so now the finalized form of that theory is that nightbringer is lucifer of an alternate timeline where he (and his brothers) never got to meet MC and thus he never fully escaped cocytus

TO BE FAIR THIS THEORY HAS HOLES GALORE SO THIS IS JUST FOR FUNNNNN PLS PUT DOWN UR TOMATOES I AM NOT UR ENEMY HERE GO THROW THEM AT THAT PEDO TWITTER ARTIST KISA anyways. dont ask me about how it could be lucifer when nb is supposed to be the first demon. brother i do not know. although he COULD technically be the first angel turned demon...???? since lilith never got to turn demon before almost dying. hmm. there's some substance there but i am too lazy to pick it apart

"cas what about the whole time travel/multiverse travel thing" listen. it's lucifer. he could have learned how to do it LMFAO I AM RUNNING OUT OF STEAM HERE. but genuinely he's at least strong enough to break the chains that bound him to cocytus so that HAS to count for his power. right. although he did struggle in the small fight with dia that proceeded after. hmmm.

anyways. what really made me think of luci=nb in the first place was nb's mentioned reason for doing it in the first place - happiness. literally. and what does lucifer prioritize more than anything? his brothers' happiness (and after meeting MC, also theirs). it's literally the foundation of his character. his pride doesnt allow him to freely say it but literally everything this guy does is bc he thinks it's the best way to both protect and keep his brothers happy.

not the most interesting theory thanks to my lack of substantial text but i threw this together in like 30 minutes after finishing the lesson LMFAOOOO

[littlelcvestory]

thank you @wesperbrekkered for tagging me even though im so inactive on like all my fandom accounts 😭😭😭

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 13 :)

2. What is your AO3 word count?

29,858 words 😭 thats kinda crazy for me ngl

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

my main is six of crows! my ao3 still has my fics from when i wrote solangelo tho lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

sparks fly (whenever you smile) with 268 (wesper)

we were in screaming color with 244 (solangelo)

Doctor Death (god this fic is so old i hate it 😭) with 236 (solangelo)

i wanna teach you how forever feels with 221 (wesper)

time can't stop me quite like you did with 205 (i wrote this for a school assignment, it's from the book they both die at the end)

i strongly dislike this list mainly because of solangelo being on there and how long ago i wrote those fics because theyre really bad now 😭 perhaps leave more kudos on my wesper fics :)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

YES it makes me so happy that people enjoyed what i wrote. i'd like to say it's author fuel but i have not touched any of my fics since august but they ARE author serotonin

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it's either time can't stop me quite like you did (because he literally d!es) but none of my SoC fics have angsty endings, because none of them have endings. haha

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhh i'd say it would be i wanna teach you how forever feels purely because it's a cute domestic post-ck wesper

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i dont think im widespread enough to have haters on my fics tbh 😭

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

nope, i am literally 16 !! although i have written a few very intimate passages but theres also taught you the way you call me baby which is the closest i'll ever get for now

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

my wesper romeo and juliet au like fire and powder that i havent touched since august! this was like my most big brain idea ever but i'm torn between discarding it and starting from scratch or continuing as it is right now

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

i dont think so, and i hope not !

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

no :)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

also no

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

wesper. next!

15. What’s a WIP you’d like to finish but doubt you ever will?

THE ROMEO AND JULIET AU I AM CRYING i need to continue it as soon as possible oh lord

16. What are your writing strengths?

not sure tbh! i do find writing dialogue easy but it also leads to my downfall sometimes which i'll explain in the next question

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

inner monologues, because they jump around too much and i eventually stray from the original thought. or anything thats not closely tied to a character ... i'm really strong with character driver things but if you hand me a plot, i'm gonna struggle (which may be why the r&j au is failing LMAO) and how i said with dialogue, it ends up being dry and makes the scene move a little too fast. i'm really bad at slowing down scenes 😭

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? 

never done it before hehe

19. First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson, i think

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

my romeo and juliet au because its the most ambitious thing i ever tried to accomplish. i really want to get back to it because i'm still so intrigued by the idea of it and i was shocked i wrote 10k for the first chapter but it felt like it was being squeezed out of me... i'll do my best to get back to writing i've had insane weiters block (no thanks to school 🙄)

thanks for tagging me rae :) i'm tagging @artsypretzel @jazzythursday and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it :)

[odysseys-blood]

This is literally the first time ever ill do one of these after being tagged in ig bc i always forgot! anyways got tagged by @taketheringtolohac for a "9 people you want to get to know better" game!

Last Song: Sway - A Trak & AJ Christou ft. Duckwrth

i luv duckwrth and this song is super wavy someone come dance to it with me

Favorite color: Idk what to call it like a wine purple? this thang and similar shades

i also rly like deep reds too. if u ever notice i accidentally tend to use mainly the red-blue portion of the color wheel in art and its not a concious decision either it just kinda happens and i try to steer away from it every once in a while and it never sticks.

Currently Watching: nothing rly!

it takes me forever to start watching things and get through them. The last series i finished I think were Witchblade and Link Click abt a month or so ago. I was also planning to watch yuri kuma sometime soon bc i remembered ppl posting about it but i never watched it while it was airing, as well as a rewatch of banana fish bc my brother brought it up bc he was using it as a topic for his paper recently????? i dont even know why he knows it but oh. well i guess. was also gonna watch mignon but the art style is getting me and my city hunter plans have been dashed by the sheer volume of episodes scaring me for now

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: i like them all!

not sure i rly prefer one over the others but i like to bake so maybe sweet. did you know my baking enemy is cookies idk what it is but if im making my own from scratch somehow they always turn out wrong. fav thing to bake is cinnamon rolls i just havent done any in a while bc they take so long (also bc i wanna do peach cobbler style cinnamon rolls which ive done before! but that takes extra long bc of the extra toppings you have to make)

Relationship Status: who want me

Current Obsession: ok prefacing this with these r not good games and im gonna censor the names so they dont show up in tags

i got into some eroge gacha named wh*t in hell is bad back in october and it has not let up since. i filled an entire sketchbook almost w/ doodles of my mc. also replayed through nu c*rnival recently bc they added voice overs for almost the entire game for the second anniversary (ive been playing since maybe 3 months after its release). everything is on the backburner to me rn besides these games and maybe the everyday maintenance of shinozaki bc im thinking abt finishing it bc i love it. anyways forget abt those last two and look at shinozaki

Last Thing You Searched: list of mythical weapons

this was not for anything important except that i rly wanna get a black cat and name it excalibur (nicknamed cali for short). however excalibur is exclusively for if i get the litte black kitty of my dreams but if i get a cat w/ another coat eventually i have to pick a different name so i was brainstorming.

i didnt think this was so long (///￣ ￣///)

anyways ill tag @meicheesecake @feluka @beepiiboop @nil-number @theunstablejester @luminousrabbittt @scamoosh @tilapiamafia and im forgetting names but if u wanna do one then tag ur it ☆〜（ゝ。∂ )

[jackienautism]

that sibling post erupted something within me actually sorry

vent

i was feeling soo much worse lik 10 minites ago but the feeling still lingers esp thinking abt how my brother is going to be moving out (most likely) for college next yuear and its just auuhg..bauuuhghh...

i want to get out of here so fucking much. i understand that i have it FAR FROM the worst but good god. good fucking god. i camntt take this shit anymore. all my friends from highschool dont gaf anymore. everyone is moving on without me. even if they say theyll keeo in touch they never actualyl fucking do. im just stuck here. im stuck. im forever stuck in this fuckass town int hsi fuckass house. i just want ot get the fuck out of here

but i CANT bc i cant drive and im so dependent on my parents still. i dont think id physically be able to move out and leave and live on ym own. i just dont think i can. id fucking just die. college isnt a n option for me. my mental health dropped so fucking low my senior year and in college my grades will actualyl mean something again. and i just cant let that happen. i cant. i cant let my depression ge tin the way of something so important. but the thing is. nothing is getting better. inm still in the sam eplace i was how ever many years ago and im tired. im so tired.

im just. im so doomed.i m doomed in everything i do. i wont be ableto live on my own. and i wont be able to drive. and if i did? i dont want to an intrusrive thought or urge or whatever to overtake my body adn get myself or someone else killed. i just can't. i cant do it. but in order to actually fucking live i need to drive and im so fucking tired. esp in the place i lvie now. in order to do literally anything i need to drive. and everyone on the road is so goddamn mean over here. my anxiety would just hinder me if something else doesnt

i just. i want to move ot hawaii w/ my grandparrents or around my grandparetns so fucking bad. i just need to get away from this place. i need to get out of here. i need to get out.

i need to get away from the place ive waasted 20 years of my life. i need a new start. i dont have anything here anymore. i dont fucking care if i leave some friends behind. theyll live. and besides. theyve been doing a pretty damn fine without me anyway. my job just tires me the fuck out. i dont care for this fucking town. all ive ever felt was out of place. atlteast in hawaii ill feel like a belong that much more. but even then. being mixed white and all. ill still feel it. but its much better than being fucking here.

i just want ot leave this town behind. to leave everything i once calledhome behind. bc it never actually felt like a home.

i just wan tot move. i want to get thr fuck out o fhere.

i feel like im never goignt o get out of this place. and yet my brother can. and will. and im just. i cant. i cant.

[aj-theteenagecondition]

the teenage condition-chapter 1

(none of this is proof-read, read or do not idc)

ive got this nervous feeling about starting something new. i haven't felt really anomymous and simultaneosly been interacting online in forever, not since i was too young to reasonably be a functioning part or a contributer to the internet. before i was old enough to have my own accounts with my own name and age and personality, i still snooped and lurked around the web, but i wouldn't dare post something. i felt guilty, afraid, that oh god oh no, someone (my mom probably) would find that i watched unreasonable amounts of youtube when i said i was asleep, or read copious amounts fanfiction for a fandom mostly written about by 12 year olds and therefore, was quite shit. but im just writing, because my brain feels like it has to, and writing on paper can get a bit slow, and im terrible at keeping a good accurate journal (for fear that someone i know will read it and finally see me or understand something critical and embarrasing about me). i was going to start an angsty teen journal in a black moleskin notebook, but i felt guilty that i had too many notebooks i gave up on halfway through.

its raining like the worlds ending where i live, which is to be expected in january. i hate winter. i understand that people love the snow and rain and wearing their earmuffs and cute outfits, and ice skating, and skiing and snowboarding, etc etc. but my room is cold and my feet are cold and my hands are cold and my school is flooding and waking up in the dark makes me want to die. im not really looking forward to getting life back on a schedule and going back to school. i go to a good school, i have plenty of friends, ive never fallen too behind. things are fine. but also: things are suffocating. so many people who i've known for literally my entire life. and my same friends talking about surface level topics. sometimes i wonder if we really know eachother at all. and other times i love them so much that everyone around us pales in comparison. lately (for the last year) i've felt like i need a closer friendship, i need an outlet, i need a confidant, and even though i have known them for like 10 years, i don't feel like i've ever had that. i dont think i've ever had that with anyone at all. probably a bit of me problem.

i was on a long trip with my family over winter break and started having quite bad anxiety. to get through it, of course a good distraction would do me some good. and what better distraction than reading one of the most famous fanfics that the internet seems to have been absolutely raving about: All The Young Dudes. i finished it this morning. ok actually this afternoon. mostly what i would like to say is: fucking ouch guys. i didnt actually have that much of an interest in the fandom (definetly not planning on reading anything else about it or interacting or writing), to be honest i wanted to see what all the fuss was about. now that i've actually read it all those "anything for our moony" audios on tiktok from like over a year or two ago really pack a punch. my thoughts: the beginning was very slow, but that definetley made the rest of it more impactful; sirius and remus's relationship is actually pretty toxic, but it was delightful to read; i struggled to get through any chapter after they left school, i predicted that it was going to hurt and boy howdy did it. i get it a little but also so much of it was so sad and so much of it was all unprocessed trauma and unresolved conversation and arguments, which sort of pissed me off.

not to say that it wasnt beautiful and also helpful. things i was reminded about myself through reading atyd: my friends dont know to much about like the vulnerable parts of me but its probably because I AM bad at communicating and being open; i do not like unresolved convos and arguments (my parents fight fr); i am probs trans, and have accepted that but not really bc if i had i would have processed it and actually made a move in some direction after mentally having proposed this idea to myself like 3 years ago with the irrisputable evidence of feeling gay for men; i avoid dealing with my problems; and of course i really love a story about buddies being pals.

also i cried a lot reading it

[angelicgaming1007]

You know what sucks?

I go to reblog some amazing art only to find out its from that one artist on tumblr who has me blocked for literally no damn reason. Never talked to them, never gotten in fights with someone on here besides anons that harass me, Never posted anything controversial, never interacted with them, literally dont know them outside of their art. They just blocked me forever ago. Sucks bc they are a good astarion artist and keep popping up on friends blogs or mutuals blogs and I keep trying to reblog and like their stuff only to be like "oh its them again"

Its pain- bc they did batstarion and I wanted to reblog so bad but I can't. They didnt block my friends who HAVE gotten into fandom fights. They dont block any specific side of the fandom, I dont post anything EXCEPT BG3 99% (which is 99% Astarion) of the time the other 1% of the time its memes or autism stuff or the random personal vent bc life can suck. so I have no idea why they specifically took the time to block me.

I can only speculate why they blocked me. 1. Maybe I post too much 2. Maybe Its because im so "violent" over bg3 talking about murdering the grove? I've had a few people get offended over that idk why. Like its fun to play an evil bastard in a video game. 3. Maybe because I posted my tavs maybe they despise OC posting. 4. Maybe bc I reblog gortash or raphael or some other character that isn't as popular as the main group and they just aren't interested? idk 5. Some of my friends suggested maybe they thought I was someone else and blocked the wrong person 6. Perhaps they thought I was a bot because I spam like and spam reblog without adding new tags. (I think its redundant to readd the same tags so I simply dont and have nothing else to tag with)

Still it sucks to be blocked in the creative circles when literally all I want to do is support artists and enjoy viewing beautiful art and writing. Especially since I USED to be able to access their page, USED to follow them, USED to like and reblog their art and now the reblogs and likes I made before, dont even exist on my profile anymore. Personally the only people I block is ones I know wont ever interact with my content bc theirs is vastly different such as anyone political thats reblogged or people who are overly aggressive attacking fans for literally no reason. So I really dont get it.

Its mildly annoying though since they are everywhere EVERYWHERE bc they are popular and I can't even LIKE their art and I haven't done sh*t all to them EVER.

[gibbearish]

this version of this post has been popping off recently which makes me really happy bc of how many people are learning they might have this disorder and it can be treated, however it is also a slight bummer because this version has a lot more info on how you can treat it yourself as well. so with that, i am once again requesting assistance, pls spread this version too if you can !! it really is helping people, ive been going through the notes today to direct ppl to that version and idk it just. makes me Feel Things knowing the good that's come of this? and wanted to share a few so ppl would know like. look what we did!! look at the people we helped!!!

(once again throwing the alt under readmore)

image id: screenshots of 11 sets of tumblr tags.

the first reads "#hold the FUCKING phone youre telling me im not the only one who couldnt fit a tampon in??? #man i had several people insist to me i was just doing it wrong #i knew i wasnt #dude if i had known this years ago i know what the first thing i bought with my first paycheck would have been i stg".

the second reads "#This is literally so important. #13 year old me needed this post so badly so please let the minors see it. #it is important to know about these kinds of things early on #it is important for children to know that their pain is abnormal so that it doesn't worsen. #i didn't know i had vaginismus until i was an adult #all i knew as a kid in a religious family was that I couldn't put a tampon in without excrutiating pain #and that i was one day going to be expected to "please" my husband #which was terrifying #for an extremely long time i had a phobia of sex and birth #still kind of do at the age of 26 #and it could have been prevented had i been allowed to know about ny body as a child".

the third reads "#Sex ed #i'm actually crying #Because i didnt know other people dealt with this. i thought it was just a 'oh poor little insecure 'virgin' '''girl''' thing #i can only fit one brand of tampon in. #this is probably way too personal but i feel seen because of this post so #i mean i knew about the dilators and therapy because of my close friend but i didnt know there was a name for this."

the fourth reads "#..... #today i learned i might have vaginismus #this is the second Nickle where tumblr taught me things about myself where it's not normal #tampons aren't supposed to hurt??? insane #no wonder i felt off about vaginal penetration but i thought that was the ace in me #still is about the ace in me but it's another thing too".

the fifth reads "#no yeah this is incredibly important #like. i started crying reading this #tmi obvi given the subject matter #but like. im ace! and i had just. given up on experiencing anything with that #because im ace and i can easily 'live without it' #the idea of it never being enjoyable and always being painful even tho im emotionally neutral on the act itself like #i thought 'well. that sucks but its fine cuz its not like i crave it. im ace. i don't need it' #when like. i CAN do it it doesnt HAVE to hurt theres things that can be done and it doesnt have to be scary and awful!!!! #i knew about the dilators for the longest time. they intimidated me out of getting help because #i just didnt think i could force myself through that regularly until it 'got better' #but i can use wearable toys!!!! it doesnt have to be awkward and stiff!!!!!!! i can get help and DO something about it oh my god #i finally stopped crying but oh my god".

the sixth reads "#resource #reference #wait wait wait #this is. a THING???? #i dont use tampons because its so painful to take them our!!! #and the only ones i can get IN are the smallest size #and it takes FOREVER because its SUPER uncomfortable #youre telling me this is an actual thing and i could treat it #????????".

the seventh reads "#oh? 👁️👄👁️ #today i learned i might have... vaginismus... #thank you for making this post and sharing it 🙏 #penetration even with smaller objects has always been painful for me and i never knew why 🥲 #tmi".

the eighth reads "#SAVE #SCREAMS #on main bc its medical this is important shit".

the ninth reads "#long post #holy shit i may have to research this #would explain some things #vaginismus".

the tenth reads "#i wish id know this when i was younger #i grew up in a very religious household where purity culture was very strict #sex literally became traumatizing cuz it hurt so bad #i'm almost 30 now and working throufh that trauma and the pain of something i left untreated for a decade".

the last one reads "#OH MY GOD #THANK YOU #ARE YOU SHITTING ME #ive NEVER been able to put a tampon in and the one time i got one half-in hurt like hell #NO ONE EVER FUCKING TOLD ME THIS WAS A THING I THOUGHT I WAS JUST DOING IT QRONG #im actually crying oh my god #brb im gonna do some research #GOD FUCK #THANK YOU OP AND CONTRIBUTORS #save #save for later #important #vaginismus #sex ed". end description.

got a good grade in physical therapy because i ordered a sex toy life is fun

[thesingingrevolution]

your uh post about the debuts being celebrated, who was that about? if you don't mind me asking, who's uh debut wasn't/isn't being celebrated?

no it’s okay you can ask ! i usually leave it vague when i’m kinda mad i feel like it’s become a habit 😭

also im sorry it took forever for me to get back to you but i wanted to answer you properly and also my phone decided it wanted to die so i wasn’t able to answer earlier :(((

my post is about winwin from nct! (he’s my fav i’m so protective over him hhhhhhhhh)

idk how familiar you are with nct or the mess that it is lol but basically one of its subunits debuted on july 7th, 2016 (7 years ago today) and winwin was one of the original 7 members. his first group is called nct 127 and the 127 represents the longitude of seoul, but there’s also a theory/cute little thing saying that it also represents the number of members and how they were added:

7 + 2 + 1 = 10.

he was kind of phased out/removed from the group at the end of 2018, and there was never any announcement saying he left officially so the group has 10 members on paper but only 9 active members

a lot of fans have accepted he probably isn't coming back :( but the issue is the group got more popular after he left so to a lot of people he isn't super important especially cause solo/single unit stanning is really common in this fandom. also because he was neglected by the company he never really had a lot of lines/center parts/screen time so it's easier to "forget/ignore" him as horrible as it sounds :(

and it's unfortunate but a lot of people don't treat him well, and what baffles me is that he wasn't removed cause he did something wrong ;-; most of the time people dont like past members cause they were removed for problematic/illegal behavior but that's not the reason why (the reason is mostly political, since he is chinese and went to promote in the chinese unit wayv starting in jan. 2019, and to my understanding china occasionally has kpop bans it's easier to get around them if none of the members are in an explicitly kpop group such as nct 127. this is a whole complicated issue in itself and there's some discourse on twt rn about it (read the qrts if you want but be ready for drama lol))

a lot of his fans and wayv stans are much happier with how he is now, because he really opened up as a person and grew as an artist following his departure from the group. he was definitely limited before due to the neglect and also cause he occasionally got boxed in as being the cute guy everyone likes and dotes on but never really an artist or even person in his own right. also he struggled with korean sometimes so he got to express himself much better when surrounded by his chinese bandmates

(though it is really important to note that people push a narrative that he hated being in nct 127 and didn't really love the members which i think is very untrue, you can tell he really worked hard and enjoyed their music, he notably has a strong bond with many people in the group)

i love him in nct 127 and i think he was a very special addition to the group, i would welcome him back anytime <3 but i am happy to see him where he is now, more successful than ever before.

but here is the issue:

since most 127 stans see the group as 9, they celebrate the debut of nct 127 and its 9 active members (which is kinda ironic cause winwin debuted on 160707 but most of the active lineup (literally everyone except yuta and haechan) did not but i digress). due to the nature of nct, he debuted again in 2018 (nct u) and in 2019 (wayv). but his first debut, the day he became an idol, is july 7th, 2016. and what hurts is because when people celebrate the debut of the current 9 member group, they overlook the debut of an original member of the group. which is why later yesterday night i also praised a big fanacc for posting ot10 pics and videos. i dont mind people wanting the focus on the 9 active members more, but i think its weird to call youself a fan of the group or an nctzen and ignore the debut of a member so blatantly :( there are random journalists who were posting articles but someone who claims to be ot20 or ot22 or ot23 or ot25 ot ot26 or whatever u people are this week to not say anything is kind of weird. and it's also why i dont like this other big fanacc because they post throwbacks but always ignore him, how can you be a throwback acc and not post a PAST member ;-; like i said if he was horrible and dishonorably discharged (lol) from the group its a dif story but this is just ridiculous.

anyway i hope that going forward we can love all members of nct and celebrate all of them <3

[yomiurinikei]

i’ve seen you mention utsuro not being a system a couple of times and, as somebody who is ALWAYS looking for more headcanons to add to the roster, may i ask why you headcanon this? /genq

oh, why i hc utsuro as a system?? sure sure!! i wrote aaaa… well. a write-up about this but that was forever ago,, funnily enough i think i had a longer/more in depth write up for hibiki being a system (it was p much my belief for what she had in game, her behavior was 100% consistent with did, but anywayyys…), but! i definitely can break down this hc, seeing as it has basis in canon as opposed to, say, my hilarious and amazing idea of what if each of the CoU were systems

(nows probably a good time to note, while i really don’t want to get into sysc0urse, i am. moreso anti-end0. i don’t want this post in those tags, but as someone who’s been in online system communities for 5+ years, i’ve visibly seen how conversations about systems have changed and the damage that’s been inflicted on systems. a lot of beliefs going around are incredibly damaging/help no one; as a result, this theory complies with a… for lack of a better term, traumagen1c reliant understanding of did)

so!! it’s shown to us in the epilogue of dra that utsuro. is extremely traumatized <333. it’s made clear that since he was small, his parents have been behaving in such a way that led to his feeling he was only valued for his fortune. his parents were greedy, cared about material gain; it’s literally said (translations are never one to one but meaning comes across) they “saw their child as a tool to satisfy their desires” and that because of their behaviors, utsuro wound up uncared for and alone.

id say. having your parents view you as a tool for their material benefit, to the degree you couldn’t stay at home anymore, and then having to be all alone and “figure out how to survive” by yourself fits as severe trauma- utsuros age isn’t specified here, but going by the timeline we see with akane, and assuming they’re the same age, he was likely by himself by early elementary-age. this definitely slots in/sets up for him developing did- he’d be young enough his personality was still developing/etc etc yk. things go on, they dont get better; he winds up entirely hopeless, getting everything he wants except for happiness. the degree of... misery it must bring to make the impossible possible, to have anything your mind desires, but never managing to feel happy must be. uniquely painful, and it was Always Like That.

so, since we've established he's got the trauma necessary to have to detach himself in that spicy did-way, let's look at why i think he specifically has did instead of.. any other condition originating from trauma

my main argument for utsuro being a system is the stark difference between yuki, and utsuro. when it comes to the memories that were repressed for the killing game, the most comprable situation to utsuro's is akane's. both were the masterminds, who chose to have their memories repressed, so they could participate freely in the game. ("nyehhh akane's a traitor though!!" you get the point.) So both akane and utsuro repressed their memories, and eventually, regain their memories. now, when akane gets back her memories, she has a new motive, new direction behind her choices, and of course, being driven by a new cause, has different priorities, and is willing to do what it takes to achieve them. she recalls her trauma, and is launched back into survival mode, into protecting whats kept her safe before: utsuros divine luck. she states her service to utsuro is because she's indebted to him, but.. this really serves to reiterate that utsuro is defined by his luck; keep utsuro safe, bring utsuro back, all so the divine luck will return. that's relevant later; for now, back to akane, who, despite now having her memories back, ultimately chooses hope. she's swayed by what happens in the game, by the memories she made.

utsuro gets his memories back. and utsuro is not swayed. akane with her memories repressed recalled, with some accuracy, her childhood. utsuro could not do this; he had an entirely falsified belief, was convinced his beliefs were not true despite them not being able to remember them properly. where akane was able to connect all of her assorted memories, and advance forward, there is an explicit difference between yuki and utsuro. yuki has an entirely different personality, has different memories, and as shown in the bad end, yuki is capable of rectifying his experiences with his past traumas (is able to choose hope at the end), while utsuro is latched onto the beliefs instilled in him from childhood, and rather than adapt to new experiences hes supposedly had (the hope he was shown by the cast), it is core to his identity to stay the way he was. yuki is a introject (specifically a factive) based off of yuuki maeda; he split off due to junko (who gave utsuro new purpose, allowing him to advance past his trauma induced belief that his situation was unchanging), to fulfill the role the body's brain believed they had to take to continue to have meaning. the trauma utsuro experienced at a young age resulted in him struggling with compartmentalizing, and upon splitting, the new alter in the system took on a specific mantle he was told he needed to define.

when you're faced with the choice that leads to the good or the bad ending, you, the player, yuki, are spoken to by another person; another consciousness, within your head. after they chat, yuki is shown a physical representation within his mind, choosing one or the other. a.... physical conceptualized place, wherein you can speak with other identities in your head, including the ability to influence which one is in control of the body. also known as a headspace, which systems have. its... its a textbook example of what a headspace can be like.

to put it all together. utsuro was heavily traumatized as a kid, this trauma never ended, it was constantly reinforced that he only had value because of his luck, leading to him being 100% detached from the world (the ‘utsuros story’ snippet further reinforces my belief that utsuros behaviors, his extreme apathy, feels like dissociation). he develops did, which we see in-game; yuki is a alter split off to serve junkos goals, and doesn’t remember the divine luck, at least, at the point of the killing game (we could say that’s what the memory altering did to him). he gets his memories back, and we see him in headspace, in the true ending, giving front to utsuro. as utsuro hasn’t been in front, and was split off to survive with the trauma of the divine luck, he’s not impacted by the events of the game, and sticks with the mindset thats got him to where he is today, before loosing even that internal will to survive, and dying in the dra killing game

really. it’s just that it fits with what we know of his backstory, and the difference between utsuro and yuki, and how things happen with them compared to with akane, makes me think did/system! chatted with fellow “utsuro is part of a system” enthusiast sorrel of @monorails fame, sea helped me tons with organizing my thoughts and all that jazz!!!!

maybe i should bring back my akane analysis. maybe i should finally break down her vibe with utsuro. hm. anyways! this was a long post and my thoughts jump around a lot so if anything’s too scattered/doesn’t make sense, just send me an ask!!! at the end of the day it is all fun and games and i like to talk so. feel free to come chat!

[wickedpact]

dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........  late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

  B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.)  the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

  C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

  D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago�� from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

  E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: 

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

  F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest. 

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

[fishareglorious]

the scene before tosca starts and everything goes to shit is genuinely so fucking hilarious. its the calm before the (literal) storm.

AAAAHHH. the tragedy is getting close and closer.

awww. glad to see kakania being more lively now she has something nice to talk about! granted, this still is connected to isolde, but hey, i think she should take whatever happiness she can before it all goes to hell

OH MY GOD. THIS SCENE IS HYSTERICAL. HOFMANN ALWAYS GOING "i don't understand this. you are insane." whenever anyone talks about the arts will forever be close to my heart and also the funniest fucking gag they could've ever put here.

i adore her dearly why did they have to kill her off. we could've drained this gag dry in multiple events. hell i could've drained her dry wait what i didnt say that who said that

oh my fucking god i forgot this scene was ten times funnier than the last. hofmann droning on the tosca summary in a voice drier than the sahara will forever be iconic to me. and also the slight beefing between kakania and hofmann here is sending me

I wasn't paying attention and i only saw "Kakania grips the script tightly, ready and willing to defend her beloved." and i subsequently shot up from my chair to say WHAT DID THAT SAY?????

only to reread it a second time and. yeah.

she literally confessed a willing murder to you an hour or maybe two ago and you remain her no. 1 defender oh my god.

insert that madam z raised eyebrow pride flag ??? reaction image i keep posting sometimes

NOOOO. she's sad again :( please don't be kakania you'll be more sad later

if i get into a toxic lesbian off competition and klara vingler and isolde von dittarsdorf are my opponents i would just simply forfeit my position

this would ruin an iconic moment but in another world they would squeeze out that final drop of comedy and let hofmann dryly butt in with a "i don't enjoy opera" after kakania says this

she literally gives no fucks we stan an unbothered middle aged woman

i might need to watch a opera singer's reaction to isolde and this scene. i know her va has actual experience on the matter but it would be interesting to hear it from someone who knows their thing

rip karl.

actually dont rest in peace i never liked your vibes.

SLAYYYYYYY (literally)

ooohhh so this is what her ult voiceline means...

for a hot second i completely forgot kakania was with marcus lmfao

shit... that's the storm setting in isn't it.

great googly moogly. its all starting to go downhill huh.

finally playing chapter 6. i'm putting everything under cut for the sake of not spoiling people and because i might go off the shits.

anyways: i'll be bringing up the events that'll happen in the later stages constantly. also will mention chapter 7 (patch 1.9) spoilers in detail so watch out.

isolde on the torture chair once again.

since i like reading up on medical history i am curious a little bit on the actual historical accounts of EST. while im mainly more interested in the realm of epidemiology instead of neurosciences and general psychology stuff i might fall into a deep dive of this topic later lol. who knows.

.... eee. a sad truth.

ehm. not really.

ah were back for the regularly scheduled arcanist discrimination i guess

SLAYYYYY KAKANIA'S HERE

oh. yeah i forgot kakania's a med school dropout with a practice that's definitely not legal.

can't. hold schwartz against that sigmund freud was a... weird guy. especially with his oedipus complex thing

we back on laplace. also what the fuck is up with these guys. didn't matilda and sotheby run into one of of them covered in weird slime in The Star

MANUS MASKS????!!! WHAT THE FUCK STOP EXPERIMENTING WITH MANUS GOOP!??!?!!!

FUCK. IS THAT WHY PEOPLE STARTED TURNING INTO MANUS MONSTERS IN CHAP 7.

STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW.

the forehead slap i just did can be heard all the way down the marinara ocean. like fuck offffffffffffff. luc's such a funny bastard she has the most serious robotic voice yet she does stupid comedic shit like this. i love you you funny tin woman

... at the expense of the majority of your staff? god with my knowledge on chapter 7 im constantly going 😬 here not going to lie.

!!!????? HE SHOVED A BALLPOINT INTO HIS EYE???? OH MY FUCKING GOD?

i kindave feel for medpoc if I was them i would be biting the shit out of lucy right now in utter frustration of her callousness

an unfortunate nickname for them, but that's semmelweis' team!

all we know from echoes in the mountain's story has set up quite some of the happenings for this chapter.