#i did so many things i dont know how to do with this and I'm really proud
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TT: So, any question?
GT: Just ask it, im already beginning to regret this little lightning round.
TT: Okay.
TT: Why are we not dating?
GT: Er... well.
GT: We never broke up, did we?
TT: We absolutely did.
TT: I distinctly remember talking to a dork wearing candy-colored suspenders and telling him that we were over.
GT: I cant quite remember that... those trickster drugs packed quite the wallop, huh!
GT: Except for you, mister straightedge.
GT: Anyways, if a breakup happened while one person was on a sugar high acid trip, did it really happen?
GT: Fine!
TT: Yes.
TT: You didn't answer the question.
GT: Cripes, dirk what kind of cockamamie question is that anyways?
GT: We arent dating because we arent! Youve never so much as asked me out to the sockhop, how would we be dating?
TT: Dude.
TT: We made out like, twice last month.
GT: Oh for the love of, i was bored!!!
GT: A guy can only watch the nolan batman movies so many times before he decides its worth shoving his tongue down his best bros throat so hell pause the damn flick.
TT: I thought you liked movies! It's a comic book movie, it's Nolan, it's the perfect intersection of our two vibes.
GT: Well im not a fan!
GT: Now the schumacher films--
TT: Off topic again.
GT: Okay you want the truth dirk?
GT: I dont want to be playing second fiddle to your goddamn clone!
TT:
TT: Hal?
GT: No the you thats squatting in my head YES OF COURSE ITS HAL!!!
TT: You're jealous. Of Hal.
TT: Of my autoresponder.
GT: Okay, first off you know damn well that he isnt just "your autoresponder." Self-centered much?
GT: And secondly, its not jealousy, its priorities!
GT: How can I expect to date a guy who spends so much time monitoring his robotic mirror self?
GT: I can barely get the time of day from you sometimes i swear.
TT: Come on, I'm not that bad.
TT: I just have to keep a consistent watch on him to make sure he's not turning 9000 on me.
TT: And anyways, if anything Hal would be the side chick.
GT: Wow gee dirk well let me just yank down my bloomers and get busy then!
GT: You really know how to make a lady feel special. Nothing makes a gal feel like a million bucks than being assured that no, the *other* girl is the side-hussy!
TT: I.
TT: Am going to go.
TT: I have things to do.
GT: I dont think hal likes being called a thing anymore!
TT: GOODBYE!!!
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re: your tags on the poc/character post
I'm sorry but did. we watch the same Arcane
Ok so you've activated my rant card (I mean this with joy, I love talking about this kind of thing and I do enjoy the show they just did like abysmally for representation)
Here is why ekko rings as an empty/token character to me:
1. We get no personal motivations for him. We had three whole episodes of character setup for our characters. By the time we get to progress day, we solidly know what every character is about, and why seven years later they would end up in the places they did. Except for ekko. Sure he lost benzo, but what does that mean? All we ever see from that is him crying with vi. Why is he running the firelights? Did he start this group? What got him passionate enough to start all this? How did he find the tree? Why is he so jaded now? How does he feel about how things went down for vi and powder? Why does he hate jinx? (For those who dont know, that last one was apparently Supposed to be answered, but was among one of the MANY ekko scenes they decided to cut for time.) Genuinely we get better character drive for Marcus. We barely get to know his thoughts on anything, let alone see his downtime. The only exception to that is when hes playing at being someone else in the au episode. Which leads me into my next point-
2. He is always only used as a plot piece for the white characters. We only see him in the au in service of having an au episode, furthering jinxs plotline, and getting his time power in time to kind of help stop victor. In the game he always had it, he would use it as a kid to make dinners with his family last longer, and worked on furthering it when he was older to save his friend, that he ended up not being able to save in the end. That's interesting! That's something for him to have on his own, that's a driving force for why hes doing things. And when this
Is genuinely the best characterization for him? Theres a problem. (He also falls into the black hair tropes of white hair and that specific short dreads with the side shave look to make him look cool, but since the white hair was a problem with the original character design in a load bearing way, and dreads do work for his character I dont necessarily consider them the worst offenses. Can we Please explore some other hair styles though I swear his look is begging for some twists, or maybe some box braids). And otherwise, his screen time is next to nothing. I want to say season one he gets less than ten minutes total. They treat him as if hes a main character to further the plot, but the moment it doesnt matter to the more important main characters hes discarded.
3. He doesnt get to be questioned. Every single character in this show is grey in some way, except for ekko. He is lorded as an absolute moral good by the show, but we dont actually get to see what that means. We barely actually get to know how he feels about shimmer divorced from silco, let alone any of his politics in regard to zauns freedom. Hes put on a pedestal of "the good guy" without actually letting that mean or accomplish anything aside from being something pretty to look at. A token. They almost do better by sevika, if they didnt fully ignore her after the parts they needed her for in the first half of season 2, not let her mourn or even find out about the people she cared about dying, didn't let her participate in the last episode, and then did her the disservice of being the only zaunite voice on the council when it runs on majority vote (I'm sorry there is No fucking way shes rolling over and taking that deal after how much shes devoted to fighting for zaun)
4. HE FUCKING WORKS WITH THE COLONIZER OF ZAUN AS A FRIEND AND MENTOR. HELLO. I have so many problems with how heimerdinger was portrayed as a constant voice of reason, but the fact that in ADDITION to that they make him buddy buddy with ekko? Makes it incredibly clear that they have no fucking idea what they're saying.
All in all, on the surface? Ekkos awesome! Ekko is really cool and fighting for an important cause! But the moment you look past that there is almost nothing to him character wise. And when hes the only black character they use culturally black ties for outside of hair, and the only main black zaunite character? It rubs me wrong.
#arcane critical#arcane ekko#and thats to say NOTHING of the wild amounts of antisemitism and the homophobic stereotypes#anyway can you tell im autism fixated on this show rn
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MAN I'm seriously so sad about season 2. Bc I wish act 2 had the same emotional impact on me as it appears to have on so many others. But rn I'm just somewhere between unable to care and actively annoyed by some of those writing decisions. Seriously the more I think about it the less I like it.
#act 3 come through please 🙏#I don't think it can salvage some of the things I have contentions with but still... please...#don't ask me about the silco vander flashback with jinxs + vis mom#or the bizzare choice to do so much of the storytelling through this weird music video format they've got going on#completely stripping it of the weight these plot beats could've had if they were... normal scenes#and also missing the point of how the music was used in season 1 and what made it so effective#bc it was complementary to instead of replacing the storytelling#seriously don't ask me about these things I will spontaneously implode on the spot#whyyyyy would they recontextualize season 1 like this with that flashback#to me it kind of ruins the character dynamics and themes in s1. it just makes me so sad you have no idea#also what even are they doing with Jinx rn for real#aaarghhhh just... so many things that are making me scratch my head#also I'm so terribly sorry but I could not care less about Isha sorry lol#like i get that its sad conceptually but she was such a non-character that i struggle to feel impacted at all#same with sky tbh. i thought her role in s1 was alright but there is so much emotional weight put on her now#in terms of her relationship to Viktor but that was barely established so it's weird to have her around#and clearly you're supposed to care but they haven't given me much reason to#isha and sky were non-characters just there to die to further the development of other characters#they didn't really have anything going on on their own and that's just a type of character and plot device that does nothing for me#also i thought the war between zaun and piltover + internal struggles in zaun bc silcos gone would be the main focus#but that stuff seems so sidetracked rn#also sorry i dont like what they did with vander and warwick either. that man should've stayed dead lol#it honestly just makes his death feel less impactful and i dont know what this is supposed to do for the story or the themes???#that just feels like a pointless plotline that is taking up time that could've been spent on other things#i just... i could go on like this for a while like there are so many things that just puzzle me#it's so weird considering how tight and thematically consistent season 1 was#let's see where act 3 goes but... i kinda have a bad feeling about it ngl#obv im glad others are enjoying it and this is just my opinion! also a lot of this are probs just my personal tastes anyway#arcane spoilers
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The Dreaded Hallow-Dragon!
This year for Halloween, I made Rigatoni a dragon costume inspired by one of the Emprise du Lion dragons! It is crocheted with acrylic yarns in a dragon stitch and has cotton fabric with 8-gauge aluminum wire for the wings. We wound up tying the costume to his harness after I took these pictures, which stayed on far better.
Been a minute since i made one of my Dragon Age scarves, but i do have the materials for Josie so that'll probably be the next one after I'm done with my current playthrough c:
Reference under the cut!
#if i did this again i would adjust it to actually clip to his harness. the tail was way too heavy lol#crochet#dog costume#dragon age#i did so many things i dont know how to do with this and I'm really proud#switching yarns without knots was new and so was everything w the wings#dragon age inquisition#keltenzahn#i am still deep in playthrough hiatus but i still wanted to share c:#as soon as we put the harness on him he went into walk mode hence the blurriness of the pictures
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draw ONE short and fat character from a piece of media as a skinny miss thing and I'm side eyeing. do it to TWO and I know you're just a bitch
#dude sorry i saw art from some artist of a fuckin DISCONCERTING sans like he was all leg and super thin??#and i was like “oh this is wrong and upsetting” and it was so obviously intentional#and i went to their blog to see if maybeeee it was a one time thingggg#and i saw they'd drawn alphys the SAME way like skinny and with a lot of leg#and the art wasn't BAD it was pretty good so i was like ohhhhh okay#no its okay i get what's happening here. i see what you're doing. BITCH#like guys if you can't bring urself to draw sans fat you shouldn't get sans privileges sorry BUT YOU DONT DESERVE HIM#obviously the same for alphys and as she is a lil short chubby woman i'm like ohhhh so ur like a BITCH bitch okay#i know people like to whine about “ohhhh let artists draw things the way they want to wahhh” but consider... shut up <3#i didn't say shit to em and now i'm here in my FAT FUCKIN SPACE FOR MY FAT SLOB ASS hating on them#but fr you lose me w skinny sans and alphys like guys did we play the same fucking games lol#baffling bc they have SO many skinny characters to choose from but they go outta their way to remove the fatness from the fat ones#like hmmm how curious you would do that... its almost like you.... like you don't like it when.... no i shan't say it
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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most days I'm so chill with the fact I'm non-contact with my father, it was the best decision, I hate him, my life is so much more peaceful without him
then bam it's a random Tuesday at 8pm and I'm sobbing because I miss having a dad, like, excuse me what is this??
#im ping ponging between its all his fault he made all those decisions to maybe he was doing what he thought was right#i barely ever had a dad so i dont know what im crying for pff#if he died tomorrow I'm not sure I'd go to his funereal I don't want him at my wedding#but sometimes I want him to just hold me and read me narnia like he did when I was 9#my parents were terrible but its cause they didnt know what they were doing but i dont know how to make peace with that#would it have killed them to be nice to me?#this is very simplified but yk#gonna go read some draco scorpius centred fanfics now to make me cry more cant wait!!#i hate him i hate him i HATE HIM I HATE HIM#but i didnt always and i dont want to but there are things you just cant take back#anywayz thats enough trauma dumping on main lmfao#if anyone has any father child centred fanfictions do let me know and give them to me plz thanks#daddy issues#are screaming#scorpius malfoy#and god do i hate his new wife#this is way too many tags im sorry to anyone whos made it down here lmfao
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ok you know. the Ellu in dav crossover au is very fun but i am a little bit enchanted by the concept of him AND Rynn at once. Best of both worlds in a sense.
#posts that sound like noise to everyone but me fdjgfd#but like. yeah rynn gets to be the main leader and have an emotional connection to the world he's fighting for#while not keeping emotional distance from everyone around him jkgfh#but then you ALSO have Ellu there to make some of the tougher choices that Rynn doesn't fully trust himself to make / would come to regret#(cough minrathous/treviso cough)#and willing to shelter the blame of it too so the guilt doesnt eat Rynn alive#and companion wise Rynn would actually know what the fuck to say to Taash for example. whereas Ellu is. *gesturing vaguely*#not equipped to understand these conversations. guy barely has a sense of personhood if that- much less knows what gender is#i feel like it makes all the companion dynamics so much more interesting actually#balancing out Rynn's kind naivete with a more experienced but also much more unhinged perspective fjkgdf#wait did i just invent Alistair and Orion dynamic 2.0. ...you saw nothing fdjghdf#yeah nah not really Orion is VERY different but funnily enough would approve of Ellu's choices way more than Rynn's 😭rip little guy#but yeah the companion arcs..#some pushback on Bellara freeing the archive because unlike them both Ellu's not saddled with misplaced guilt about the ancient elves#some pushback on the griffons going back to the wardens because. Ellu's not biased 😭#(though i still think they have a much better infrastructure for breeding them and ensuring they survive so Rynn could win that argument)#ellu and rynn being the angel and devil on harding's shoulders during her quest fkgj (not that one option is bad but you get the joke)#ellu getting psychic damage after hearing the concept of lichdom is a good thing here etc#also what the situation would be with Solas in two Rook world. all potential options are hysterical#Do they BOTH communicate with him in the fade prison? they both hate his ass - does he get twice the amount of bullying?#Ellu by the standards of his world probably counts as a spirit with a body in dragon age- so how does this affect things?#does Solas hear 'THAT'S your god of trickery??? pathetic' from what he sees as a spirit of chaos#and does that give him a teensy existential crisis fghhdfgh#also fun because ellu's age is intentionally impossible to gauge because fey time bullshit but could very well be in the thousands#on technicality of time dilation at the very least#so placing that little idiot in this world is SO fun.. so many options..#'wah wah i'm the dread wolf I have no spine when i have to do what's right but my slaver girlfriend doesnt agree#but i will end a world inhabited by people because they're mortal now and i dont see them as people :( ' GET A GRIP GRADPA#-> said by guy who may be older than him
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Thinking about how batshit Zionists are when they're like *say obvious thing that's common knowledge is Actually Fake* and I just ??? Are they okay in their little echo chambers. I think they should go for a walk and get some fresh air, maybe touch some grass (not the imported one from Europe though, the natural grass preferably).
#actually fuck y'all fr esp with the “um but we're a land back movement too” no you're not with us get out#also laughing how they were like “um but you said we're not indigenous” when i said they were indigenous just not the only ones lmfao#no critical thinking skills the head is full of hate for everyone else including Jews that don't conform#Zionists always show how much they act like nazis and then get confused when Im like “oh hey thats a nazi thing”#then they're like “um actually I didn't say that you did!!” why does the post have your url then do you think I'm hacking you or???#crazed behaviour#“We are the real Jews and anti Zionists Jews dont exist” as if so many of the Jews I know aren't right there#They just aren't in Israel because go figure they don't like israel so they wouldn't be there#also Israel killed them in Palestine sooo#what do you want me to say to that “congrats on the murder of Jews for The Cause”?? I'm not saying that bro#literal human rights organisations separate to the whole thing; yeah so the white phosphorus is ruining the ecosystem#some zionist: UM ACTUALLY THEY KNOW NOTHING!!#Like okay?? so you think biologists are antisemetic for... knowing that dangerous chemicals damage the ocean??#Typical Zionist behaviour against of co-opting terms and using them wrong
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I really don't feel like I'm alive. I really don't. This isn't what living is. I don't know what I'm here for.
#vent#it feels like im beyond repair. theres so many things wrong with me and theres no way to fix them. I'm just meant to live like this forever#what did i do to deserve this. being born fucked right out of the gate#i dont know how long i can do this for.#im tired
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okay, so, I've collected a bunch of DP fandom stuff that I remember off the top of my head, specifically in chronological order & colour coded here in this post (fics/comics, tumblr posts, important imo) for no reason other than I saw a post asking for Phandom history & it triggered my biggest, most long-running hyperfixation & now I'm curious if anyone else remembers stuff.
this link is going to be the permanent version I will be updating, but I'm posting what I currently have (gonna go through my old laptop later for more) just to let people know. you can also find the link on my blog, but only on desktop. It isn't colour coded there, sorry.
please share more if you got anything else cuz I'm 100% sure I'm missing a lot of stuff & am too interested now. the biggest reason a lot of stuff isn't here is that I simply can't find it. second biggest reason is i forgor. things not included here aren't "unimportant," this is just the first stuff that comes to mind.
putting it under a cut 'cause it got kinda long
Mars by JadeRabbyt (2005)
Checkmate by pearl84 (2006)
Conversations of a Ghost Gabber by Cordria (2006)
The Foley Maneuver by bluemoonalto (2007)
One Thousand Years by Nylah (2008)
Lab Rat by AnneriaWings (2009)
Lost by Cordria (2010?) [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
Phantom of Truth by Haiju (2011)
Ghost Deaths (2012)
Through Coals and Rain by Kakawot (2012)
Shadow of a Doubt by Haiju (2013)
Pink Pants (2013?)
Wes (2014) [original] [1] [2] [3] [4]
this "I'm Inevitable" gif (2014)
Space AU (2014)
Treading Water by The Full Catastrophe (2014)
Danny, you dead IDIOT!! comic (2014)
wash away the darkest days by anthrop (2014)
Reverse Trio (2014)
Inverse Trio (2014-2016) ALT
Halfas are "feral children" (2015)
Burn the Streets, Burn the Cars by anthrop (2015)
It's Not Gay if He's Dead by phantomrose96 (2015)
You Smell Like Death by starfleetrambo (2015)
Ghost Bird AU by @rest-in-peachs (2016?)
Things I Can(not) Do In Amity Park by RedHeadsRock1010 (2016)
KEtTLE by Cordria (2016)
Deeper, Darker by Silvermoonphantom (2016)
Danny Phantom Punches Butch Hartman In The Face by MistressVintage (2017)
Dannypocalypse (2017)
Ghost Train (2017?)
Ghost Physics by jayrockin (2017)
Ghost Infographics (2018)
The Taxonomy of Ghost Cores: An Observational Study (2018) Communicating with Ghosts Professionally: A Study (2018)
Species in Danny Phantom (2018?)
Diddles Piddles by diddly-darn-ghost (2018)
Broken Ectoplasm by ghostanimal (2019)
Ghost of Heroes by Enigmaris & ScarletNightFury (2019-2020)
do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die) by blueh (2020)
Undercover Phantom by artistfingers (2021)
Corruption is a Two Way Street by datawyrms (2021)
Things That Bleed by artistfingers, kkachis, & Perfectly_Inconspicuous (2022)
10,000 works on AO3 (2022)
Ghost Speak:
Danny's handwriting (2015?)
Cordria (2015)
Fiver-Rivers [1] [2] [3] (2019)
Rubber Chicken Sounds (2019)
#Danny Phantom#Phandom History Archive#do you even understand how hard it was to find the original Wes post????????#i spent like 2 hours on that alone#Wes Weston why are you so hard to find#just realizing that a lot of shit happened in 2014#like. 2014/2015 ish#i joined somewhere between 2014 & 2016 so i guess i literally came here right at the peak of phandom activity#the height of tumblr's paranormal activity. you might say#i think i'm just biased though#should i put my own fics on here. Phantom is pretty important to me being my first DP fic#& also the thing that got me back into writing#it's not very good but by god if i dont love it. & anyways i put Bird AU on here lol i think i can put Phantom up at some point. as a treat#also if any links are broken tell me cuz i'm not checking them again. it's 4am#reminder: gotta find those Bird AU fics i read & put em here. there ARE actual Bird AU fics. i know there are. i did not hallucinate that#it just might be the hardest thing on earth to do since that was years ago & i have no idea what they were called#anyway gonna add a fuckton of fics & (hopefully) tumblr posts when i go through my old laptop. i got everything bookmarked on there#like. so many fics. i had them organized too based on what kind of fic it was. but they all have stupid names cuz i was like 15#me: i should do my stencil art today. just to be a bit productive & also maybe make money#my brain: what if you organized Danny Phantom fandom posts into a big archive for people to look at? for free. until 4am.#me: you know what that sounds so much better let's do that
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i am going to scream (wip rambling in the tags)
#(not subjecting this to my wip thread [hi j k l if you see this somehow] [how did i not notice your names line up in the alphabet]#because im really just waffling at this point)#it has been three(?) months and i still cannot decide if this thing is ending happily or unhappily#because it is just. so unrealistic to save LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI from herself#i feel like this is one of those things where i have to just keep writing the plot and ill figure out the ending along the way#BUT I DON'T WANT TO. i want to know where i'm going first so i can signpost!#god#really i just need to figure out misa and soichiro and the actual plot#but like. okay. so#what actually changes for light's internal state is#1) she has a secret to keep that doesnt fit with the charming young man image but is harmless (at least relative to the murder)#2) she and L are both in on the secret#3) it is a point of commonality she has with L that isn't about ruthlessness intelligence or murder#4) it upends her entire sense of self perception#and are these points enough to save her. i dont know. i dont know#i think at the very least it makes yotsuba slightly more bearable#in the direction of L&light anyway. her relationship with her father is probably going to be worse#and of course theres still misa#who is ALSO getting her entire sense of self perception upended#i still dont know how she's going to react to pretty much anything#i have an instinctive feeling for her first reaction but it's such desperate denial that it is going to break sometime#not that she broke for five entire years of miserably happy comphet relationship in canon#but i feel like this might be more jarring than that#aaaand if so how does that change her part in yotsuba arc because she was the one who got higuchi caught and did that for light#my god why am i doing this to myself. i could have been happy i could have written a high school au.#but anyway back to light HOW AM I GOING TO GIVE HER A HAPPY ENDING WHEN SHE'S *LIGHT* AND L'S *L* AND#like the problem is it would be SO easy to give her a sad ending. so easy that i honestly dont want to. i want her to be happy it's just#the logistics#i genuinely think theres a chance i could do it theres just so many VARIABLES im going to start BITING#edit: jesus they deleted all the tags after this one. is this the thirtieth tag. it IS wow
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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"i thought you said you'd make an effort" MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS ONLY COMPLAINT #1 OUT OF A VERY LONG LIST JUST BE GRATEFUL I CAN WAIT UNTIL THE GUESTS ARE GONE TO SNAP
#YEAH I MAKE AN EFFORT THATS WHY I ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STUFF I REALLY CANNOT DEAL WITH LONGTERM#god#it's just#incredibly annoying how my mom just goes OUT OF HER WAY to shrink the scope again when i just explained to her what would work#''so you can't speak up and if we do nothing it doesn't work'' yeah no shit then speak up YOU then. like i just said you probably should#i mean. you did say you don't control what guests bring. BUT YES YOU DO#yes you can speak to them about it#you can discuss and make it less systematic#you can express your thoughts#so you actually just lie to sympathize with me but you don't give a shit#and yet you still act like you tried everything like you just don't know what else could be done#i told you what was my problem i told you what would make it better#say you have other priorities#say you expect me to make an effort and not to be the fucking freak i was my whole childhood#that you were kind enough to tolerate most of the time#even though i was sooooo fucking weird when you knew i had problems but couldn't categorize them so why would i need to do things different#say you don't understand why i hurts me if i can ''try to make an effort''#sorry the only kind of family reunion we have is food-based and i can't try and have good relationships w my family if i dont can it#and eat whatever's in front of me so that they can be happy i'm finally normal and grown up#god jesus christ#yeah it IS your house and i don't get to veto or force anything#dont act surprised when your smart plan for dealing with difficult things is expect your kid to shut the fuck up about any problem they hav#and then huh. weird. your kid isn't happy.#i try to foster a good relationship holy shit#i try to go past the things i don't like and compromise and engage w them#how is that not doing my best#i'm sorry i don't feel great when difficult things happen and also i can't control any of it#when you can and you've also shown me many time i can't expect actually meaningful support from you#broadcasting my misery#vent
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everyone here was soooo excited because a national channel was going to bring back this iconic tv series, directed specifically to the youth, from our childhood and adolescence that we are so nostalgic about after 11 years for them to disappoint us all with the trailer because it looks like elite 2.0
#they ruined morangos com açúcar i dont think you guys understand#this was supposed to be a cliché show with bad acting about students and dramas at school not a fucking disappearing mystery show#with parties and sex and whatnot 😭#they're making it release in 10 episode seasons like streaming shows too.... that's not morangos!!!!! anfngngnbg#the vibe is so different that it actually makes no sense why they would try to tie it with the other seasons plot and actors shsjshs#yes morangos had your occasional topics of teenage pregnancy and queerness and all that jazz but it was actually explored well#the way they're making girls kiss and parties happening and everything of those sorts in the new season is literally like any of those#spanish teenage shows with too much sex scenes and it's embarrassing actually.#the essence of our national tv is getting lost because they want to do stuff that 'sells' except morangos never sold because it was trendy#or even good because the acting was honestly not great. it was literally our company and part of our routine all year around almost#it was the show we would arrive from school to watch before dinner every day#we watched them experience the school year at the same time we did and on holidays there was a special summer edition#it was a whole thing that this new version isn't.#it was a novela directed for the youth and not whatever show they're trying to make and i'm so mad#i actually wanted to see it. morangos was special to so many of us everybody knows the songs everybody loves the artists that came from#that generation we all grew up watching it.... literally.#and capitalism strikes again 👍#the auditions were a joke too. they announced auditions for anyone who would like to because another thing about morangos is that it was#a talent factory it gave opportunity to newbie actors and pushed their careers and the new season has a bunch of already renown actors and#actresses and they didn't even care to hide how fake and rigged the public auditons were lol#anyways never building expectations about anything ever again this actually broke my heart man agjshs#i'm gonna mourn this listening to d'zrt 4taste and just girls ✊
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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