#i did so many things i dont know how to do with this and I'm really proud
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everyone arguing with material analysis/assertion about how art is a "luxury" has rarely if ever spent rent or food money on art, if they even pay rent or buy their own food, and if they did that would be considered extremely dysfunctional, and thats what i/we mean. artists are not providing a necessary service.
our plane crashes in the Andes and you are not particularly excited about my "can draw that Playboy centerfold of Marge Simpson from memory" like that is not an essential survival skill. lots of extremely skilled workers work in luxury artisan and craft jobs, it's not an insult to say even a very famous and very talented and influential artist is not producing a commodity necessary for the furtherance of human life. none of us are doing that, no matter how we stretch and strain the definitions of "essential" or even things like "morale" or "group identity". i will burn my copy of Finnegan's Wake to stay warm and thats what it comes down to.
i get foamy crazy snarling and biting about the idolization and obfuscation of what artists actually do because it is a labor issue! the public conception of artists as people possessed of a divine talent they dont consciously work to develop like any other skill, and the public idea that we are simply pleased and privileged to make art all day and "not work", something people say to my face every time i get asked "what i do", is largely responsible for the absolute dogshit reality of how subsistence and working class artists have to survive. we usually dont have health insurance unless we're so poor we qualify for medicaid AND live in a state that will enroll us. most of us are too disabled or crazy to go to a real job every day. most of us have tried, over and over, to enter the normal workforce, and have failed, and been forced to develop alternate skills that allow us to make rent in the ten hours per month we're actually functional. many of the artists i know work from bed because standing up is dicey. this has been turned into a charming eccentricity of famous artists and writers instead of people wondering why a person would need to stay in bed all day and take the enormous bother of bringing their stupid pens and paper and writing board or typewriter or whatever to their bed instead of just getting up and getting dressed and going to work. ive done this, i spilled ink in my sheets. its a huge hassle.
and artists play along with this mystique because people dont want to buy paintings from sadlords! they want to buy paintings and books and marge simpson nudes from cool guys who get a lot of chicks and wear rockstar outfits and party a lot, because of the transitive properties! of course!!! this is basic marketing!!!!! and if the artist doesnt play along they turn into Sad Story Artist where they're doing emergency commissions and posting about how sick they are all the time. this is not cool or fun or sexy. it's a sand trap and its very hard to recover from. im struggling with this right now!
famous and successful artists and writers are constantly ending up 60-90 years old with cancer and multiple sclerosis and dementia, being the subject of some sort of public, last-ditch, humiliating GoFundMe because painting paperback covers fr 60 years means you dont get a pension, you often dont even have kids who can take care of you, you dont have life insurance, you dont have health insurance. 'died penniless and alone' is one of the stereotypical artist endings for a reason, that is not fiction. this happened to more artists than i can list on two hands. look up what happened to Peter S. beagle, the guy who wrote The Last Unicorn. you write a book like that you should be set for life, right? NO. thats not how it works
i'm not saying 'all artists are disabled and working class or poor' because that isnt true, observably. nepo babies and trust fund artists exist, obviously. but they take an outsized portion of the spotlight when the public thinks of the concept of "artist". they are not actually the norm. the average artist is probably making under 40k and living in extremely precarious circumstances and has had periods of homelessness, illness, extreme debt and/or bankruptcy.
this is true even for the 'successful' artists. having one or two or ten good projects and being a household name does not save you from just not having the safety net provided by a normal career path. i was very close with a major, famous 2000s network television creator and team that you have heard of. they won awards, they changed culture entirely, they were a big deal. one of them was turned down for a half dozen projects by the same network that made millions or bilions on their franchise over several years (each pitch is completely unpaid btw, imagine carefully preparing a PowerPoint for morons for months at a time for no reimbursement and thent he morons ask you if you can put a teenage witch looking for her lost cat in the alps in it and you're like, haha, well, it's a 4 part hard sci fi miniseries set on Europa and takes place entirely inside a pressurized lander settlement, i mean Ridley Scot said he was interested already and he pitched a bottle episode about a carbon monoxide poisoning, soooooo....and the executives look at each other and they're like "it's jst not really what we're looking for right now, thanks for coming in" and you go to coffee bean and tea leaf and kill yourself and thats sort of what its like. i made that example up it didn't actually happen i'm using an illustrative example), worked on a canceled film, and just. gradually ran out of money. thats what happens. that guy ended up slowly selling off all his belongings, getting roommates in a one bedroom apartment, and then eventually having to just live on a friend's couch for years. famous guy. you probably know his name. another major member of that same team ended up in GoFundMe/commission hell for years (might still be there) because they had to take care of their two dying, dementia patient parents by themselves. these are people who go to GenCon and sign autographs for four hours at a time. THE PUBLIC IS NOT AWARE OF THIS SHIT and i'm sick of it. im sick of going to a gallery opening night ("vernissage") and drinking bad wine and having a guy with an email job that pays six figures and benefits tell me being able to push "undo" on the computer is cheating. that's a real example, that has actually happened to me. more than once.
artists currently have zero labor protections whatsoever. all of us are undercutting each other in an unregulated market and relying on welfare and private insurance and not having families or buying houses. zero security until we get so old all our illnesses and dysfunction finally ground us permanently and then we get turned into a charity case by fans (humiliating) or just fade away into ghosts and die
whats my punchline? idk i dont have one. it's possible and likely that any given artist you meet is permanently in precarity and will be until they die, even the famous ones. the culture of selling art demands that artists do not admit to this in public unless shit gets really really bad. i guess my point is you should know this, as a person who looks at or listens to or reads things that people have made for your amusement, not for your survival
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I saw your twt about holding back on telling stories with serious and deep tones and it reminded me of an issue I had a while back. Im a south park fan and I loved reading deep analysis of the characters. and south park being south park, people dont take it seriously and think its just funny so it doesnt deserve deep analysis like other forms of media. I always came across comments saying "its not that deep" or "doing all of that for south park" and I used to hate that so much because why are you commenting that under the authors post? In media there is like a "spectrum" of how deep you are in it as a fan, and it doesn't make you less of a fan if you like to binge watch the show when you feel like it because its funny. Someone who makes fan fiction and psychoanalyses the characters doesnt make them a better fan than you. I hate "it's not deep" because it is that deep to me, I enjoy it, but it dismisses critical thinking and discourages deep discussions about our interests. I want to learn more about the turning point for eric cartman and the friendship dynamics between the main 4. I want to read psychoanalysis of the characters and understand why they do the things they do. I loved reading fan fics with an author that understood how the characters work and put them in situations while making it believable. Whether the content was deep and serious or lighthearted and silly. I don't see those as cringe at all. What I see as cringe is trying to downplay someones time and effort. you dont care for it. cool, just dont make it our problem.
I believe in recent years, this cringe and its not that deep mentality is linked to media literacy/reading comprehension issues. On top of the fact, that fandoms right now has been "normalized", so alot of mean and rude kids and adults are in this space not having a mature and respectful conversation and discussions, as well as zero fandom etiquette. (I understand the past wasnt this magical respectful place but this behaviour has increased compared to past years).
Please don't worry about making deep content, its super fun and there will be fans of what you write/draw that will definitely be into it.
GOSH anon you are absolutely right. cringe culture has done some serious damage to people's creativity and freedom of expression. doing things in earnest is now cringe to so many people (specifically that 18-21 age where they think they're better than everyone else and everything is cringe to them, image is everything) and they actually give you shit for it?? it's crazy. the most harmless thing in the world. whenever my hey arnold comics would leave my target audience on instagram i would get the meanest comments for no fucking reason, because i was taking hey arnold "seriously" (nevermind that hey arnold is probably the nicktoon with the most emotional depth and moments besides ginger but i digress) but hey at least i'm not the one losing my marbles over some random cartoon comic on the internet.
i think rudeness in general has been too normalized not just in fandom, but in social media in general. it's sad. the only thing you can do about it is be kind as much as you can to counterbalance it. i'd like to think that rubs off on people just like how being rude rubbed off on them.
i said that thing about holding back because i'm admittedly too hard on myself sometimes. no one is calling me cringe or making fun of me for what i do, thankfully, people have been super cool and supportive. and it means a lot to me because i'm very earnest about everything i create, even when i try to hold back. i literally cannot help being myself. it's all i know how to do. i'm just glad i was able to grow a platform where i'm free to be openly passionate about the things i like, talk about them and why i like them, the little things that i find fascinating, the emotions they make me feel, all of that shit is awesome and i wish more people did that.
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The Dreaded Hallow-Dragon!
This year for Halloween, I made Rigatoni a dragon costume inspired by one of the Emprise du Lion dragons! It is crocheted with acrylic yarns in a dragon stitch and has cotton fabric with 8-gauge aluminum wire for the wings. We wound up tying the costume to his harness after I took these pictures, which stayed on far better.
Been a minute since i made one of my Dragon Age scarves, but i do have the materials for Josie so that'll probably be the next one after I'm done with my current playthrough c:
Reference under the cut!
#if i did this again i would adjust it to actually clip to his harness. the tail was way too heavy lol#crochet#dog costume#dragon age#i did so many things i dont know how to do with this and I'm really proud#switching yarns without knots was new and so was everything w the wings#dragon age inquisition#keltenzahn#i am still deep in playthrough hiatus but i still wanted to share c:#as soon as we put the harness on him he went into walk mode hence the blurriness of the pictures
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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most days I'm so chill with the fact I'm non-contact with my father, it was the best decision, I hate him, my life is so much more peaceful without him
then bam it's a random Tuesday at 8pm and I'm sobbing because I miss having a dad, like, excuse me what is this??
#im ping ponging between its all his fault he made all those decisions to maybe he was doing what he thought was right#i barely ever had a dad so i dont know what im crying for pff#if he died tomorrow I'm not sure I'd go to his funereal I don't want him at my wedding#but sometimes I want him to just hold me and read me narnia like he did when I was 9#my parents were terrible but its cause they didnt know what they were doing but i dont know how to make peace with that#would it have killed them to be nice to me?#this is very simplified but yk#gonna go read some draco scorpius centred fanfics now to make me cry more cant wait!!#i hate him i hate him i HATE HIM I HATE HIM#but i didnt always and i dont want to but there are things you just cant take back#anywayz thats enough trauma dumping on main lmfao#if anyone has any father child centred fanfictions do let me know and give them to me plz thanks#daddy issues#are screaming#scorpius malfoy#and god do i hate his new wife#this is way too many tags im sorry to anyone whos made it down here lmfao
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okay, so, I've collected a bunch of DP fandom stuff that I remember off the top of my head, specifically in chronological order & colour coded here in this post (fics/comics, tumblr posts, important imo) for no reason other than I saw a post asking for Phandom history & it triggered my biggest, most long-running hyperfixation & now I'm curious if anyone else remembers stuff.
this link is going to be the permanent version I will be updating, but I'm posting what I currently have (gonna go through my old laptop later for more) just to let people know. you can also find the link on my blog, but only on desktop. It isn't colour coded there, sorry.
please share more if you got anything else cuz I'm 100% sure I'm missing a lot of stuff & am too interested now. the biggest reason a lot of stuff isn't here is that I simply can't find it. second biggest reason is i forgor. things not included here aren't "unimportant," this is just the first stuff that comes to mind.
putting it under a cut 'cause it got kinda long
Mars by JadeRabbyt (2005)
Checkmate by pearl84 (2006)
Conversations of a Ghost Gabber by Cordria (2006)
The Foley Maneuver by bluemoonalto (2007)
One Thousand Years by Nylah (2008)
Lab Rat by AnneriaWings (2009)
Lost by Cordria (2010?) [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
Phantom of Truth by Haiju (2011)
Ghost Deaths (2012)
Through Coals and Rain by Kakawot (2012)
Shadow of a Doubt by Haiju (2013)
Pink Pants (2013?)
Wes (2014) [original] [1] [2] [3] [4]
this "I'm Inevitable" gif (2014)
Space AU (2014)
Treading Water by The Full Catastrophe (2014)
Danny, you dead IDIOT!! comic (2014)
wash away the darkest days by anthrop (2014)
Reverse Trio (2014)
Inverse Trio (2014-2016) ALT
Halfas are "feral children" (2015)
Burn the Streets, Burn the Cars by anthrop (2015)
It's Not Gay if He's Dead by phantomrose96 (2015)
You Smell Like Death by starfleetrambo (2015)
Ghost Bird AU by @rest-in-peachs (2016?)
Things I Can(not) Do In Amity Park by RedHeadsRock1010 (2016)
KEtTLE by Cordria (2016)
Deeper, Darker by Silvermoonphantom (2016)
Danny Phantom Punches Butch Hartman In The Face by MistressVintage (2017)
Dannypocalypse (2017)
Ghost Train (2017?)
Ghost Physics by jayrockin (2017)
Ghost Infographics (2018)
The Taxonomy of Ghost Cores: An Observational Study (2018) Communicating with Ghosts Professionally: A Study (2018)
Species in Danny Phantom (2018?)
Diddles Piddles by diddly-darn-ghost (2018)
Broken Ectoplasm by ghostanimal (2019)
Ghost of Heroes by Enigmaris & ScarletNightFury (2019-2020)
do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die) by blueh (2020)
Undercover Phantom by artistfingers (2021)
Corruption is a Two Way Street by datawyrms (2021)
Things That Bleed by artistfingers, kkachis, & Perfectly_Inconspicuous (2022)
10,000 works on AO3 (2022)
Ghost Speak:
Danny's handwriting (2015?)
Cordria (2015)
Fiver-Rivers [1] [2] [3] (2019)
Rubber Chicken Sounds (2019)
#Danny Phantom#Phandom History Archive#do you even understand how hard it was to find the original Wes post????????#i spent like 2 hours on that alone#Wes Weston why are you so hard to find#just realizing that a lot of shit happened in 2014#like. 2014/2015 ish#i joined somewhere between 2014 & 2016 so i guess i literally came here right at the peak of phandom activity#the height of tumblr's paranormal activity. you might say#i think i'm just biased though#should i put my own fics on here. Phantom is pretty important to me being my first DP fic#& also the thing that got me back into writing#it's not very good but by god if i dont love it. & anyways i put Bird AU on here lol i think i can put Phantom up at some point. as a treat#also if any links are broken tell me cuz i'm not checking them again. it's 4am#reminder: gotta find those Bird AU fics i read & put em here. there ARE actual Bird AU fics. i know there are. i did not hallucinate that#it just might be the hardest thing on earth to do since that was years ago & i have no idea what they were called#anyway gonna add a fuckton of fics & (hopefully) tumblr posts when i go through my old laptop. i got everything bookmarked on there#like. so many fics. i had them organized too based on what kind of fic it was. but they all have stupid names cuz i was like 15#me: i should do my stencil art today. just to be a bit productive & also maybe make money#my brain: what if you organized Danny Phantom fandom posts into a big archive for people to look at? for free. until 4am.#me: you know what that sounds so much better let's do that
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i am going to scream (wip rambling in the tags)
#(not subjecting this to my wip thread [hi j k l if you see this somehow] [how did i not notice your names line up in the alphabet]#because im really just waffling at this point)#it has been three(?) months and i still cannot decide if this thing is ending happily or unhappily#because it is just. so unrealistic to save LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI from herself#i feel like this is one of those things where i have to just keep writing the plot and ill figure out the ending along the way#BUT I DON'T WANT TO. i want to know where i'm going first so i can signpost!#god#really i just need to figure out misa and soichiro and the actual plot#but like. okay. so#what actually changes for light's internal state is#1) she has a secret to keep that doesnt fit with the charming young man image but is harmless (at least relative to the murder)#2) she and L are both in on the secret#3) it is a point of commonality she has with L that isn't about ruthlessness intelligence or murder#4) it upends her entire sense of self perception#and are these points enough to save her. i dont know. i dont know#i think at the very least it makes yotsuba slightly more bearable#in the direction of L&light anyway. her relationship with her father is probably going to be worse#and of course theres still misa#who is ALSO getting her entire sense of self perception upended#i still dont know how she's going to react to pretty much anything#i have an instinctive feeling for her first reaction but it's such desperate denial that it is going to break sometime#not that she broke for five entire years of miserably happy comphet relationship in canon#but i feel like this might be more jarring than that#aaaand if so how does that change her part in yotsuba arc because she was the one who got higuchi caught and did that for light#my god why am i doing this to myself. i could have been happy i could have written a high school au.#but anyway back to light HOW AM I GOING TO GIVE HER A HAPPY ENDING WHEN SHE'S *LIGHT* AND L'S *L* AND#like the problem is it would be SO easy to give her a sad ending. so easy that i honestly dont want to. i want her to be happy it's just#the logistics#i genuinely think theres a chance i could do it theres just so many VARIABLES im going to start BITING#edit: jesus they deleted all the tags after this one. is this the thirtieth tag. it IS wow
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yeah, there should be a course in high school on how to do taxes, apply to jobs and all that, etc. but you know what else there should be? a crash course on accessing healthcare
#i mean i did lowkey have a course that taught me how to apply for jobs etc#good ol planning 10. i hated that course#we didn't learn about taxes iirc but we DID learn about the stock market#i didnt even try in that module because i knew i wasn't going to be able to afford to invest in stocks#and i thought there were better things to invest my money in#but i have a wisdom tooth coming in and i know i should make an appointment with a dentist but uh#how do? how work???#dental isn't included in MSP here and i know i can get coverage through my uni#but i still dont know how THAT works either???#because despite paying $350 a year it's not guaranteed coverage???? apparently???????#i'm so lost and confused and i have to get a new form for fair pharmacare to even access it and i feel so defeated#i feel like people just Know what to do but there's so many moving parts and its confusing keeping track of everything
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Thinking about how batshit Zionists are when they're like *say obvious thing that's common knowledge is Actually Fake* and I just ??? Are they okay in their little echo chambers. I think they should go for a walk and get some fresh air, maybe touch some grass (not the imported one from Europe though, the natural grass preferably).
#actually fuck y'all fr esp with the “um but we're a land back movement too” no you're not with us get out#also laughing how they were like “um but you said we're not indigenous” when i said they were indigenous just not the only ones lmfao#no critical thinking skills the head is full of hate for everyone else including Jews that don't conform#Zionists always show how much they act like nazis and then get confused when Im like “oh hey thats a nazi thing”#then they're like “um actually I didn't say that you did!!” why does the post have your url then do you think I'm hacking you or???#crazed behaviour#“We are the real Jews and anti Zionists Jews dont exist” as if so many of the Jews I know aren't right there#They just aren't in Israel because go figure they don't like israel so they wouldn't be there#also Israel killed them in Palestine sooo#what do you want me to say to that “congrats on the murder of Jews for The Cause”?? I'm not saying that bro#literal human rights organisations separate to the whole thing; yeah so the white phosphorus is ruining the ecosystem#some zionist: UM ACTUALLY THEY KNOW NOTHING!!#Like okay?? so you think biologists are antisemetic for... knowing that dangerous chemicals damage the ocean??#Typical Zionist behaviour against of co-opting terms and using them wrong
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idk the "i only know a few mutuals of ieva’s from mutual friends while i was ceneid (who i won’t be mentioning here), but i do know a few, and i havent ever followed (or even heard) of a private blog from them." part gets me because me and ivy are friends (i love you ivy <3) and elise had this blog. elise was on this blog. she had a tag. THIS IS A PRIVATE BLOG!! SHE HAD AND KNEW ABOUT MY PRIVATE BLOG BTU IG THAT DOESNT COUNT!!! UGHHHH
#idk another part is just like. how she's like 'we could all constantly be lying'#but we could all be telling the truth.#how terrible is your life; elise? to have to always believe that you are not surrounded by love and truth? that people want to lie to you?#like maybe she doesn't know that me and ivy are friends but..#i'm on her blog?? like i've sent asks#nordicbananas has appeared there#UGHHHH#anyways <3 im sick of this.#this is EXACTLY like that one person#like. ok not exactly#but so manythings that she did. so many things that she says. just. echo them#sigh.#idk and idc how many pets she has like i dont think it's probable but i do not care girl why would you bring that up#if somehow she is reading this. babe don't make any more blogs. you dug yourself a hole until you reached the core of the earth and even-#-then youre trying to go further. just delete tumblr. dont go on the website. if you do; only read fics and then close the tabs.#dont do this to yourself. dont do this to everyone who knew you or ones who know people who did.#it's getting old; it's getting sad. it's just sad elise.#sighh.#:shroom is typing...#sorry for the worse than great subject on the selfship blog i just wanted to say *something* yk#i love you all <3
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had an argument with my sister on the ride home from my friend's :-:
#I don't like when we argue cause we almost never do#like a serious argument#but you know what ? no ! I'm not completely inconsiderate because YOU put me in an uncomfortable situation and I said#“hey this sucked dont do that again”#if I'm so inconsiderate than you do all that stuff ON YOUR OWN !! I won't help you#no need to finish editing the video we did together FOR YOUR FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA#record your videos on ur own with no help#take pictures yourself#write scripts without asking me for my opinion#delete every single post from your account that I had ANYTHING to do with#delete every single comment and revision I made on your fucking book and see how many publishable pages you have left#get rid of every single casting I made for YOUR FUCKING STORY and see how many actors you have left#I do shit for you ALL THE TIME ! we BOTH DO ! But I don't think it's cool throw those things in your face to win an argument#SO I DONT !!!! doesn't matter how fucking vindicated I'd feel by doing it#I dont like it so I dont. it opens up a precedent if I say one thing and do the other when I'm mad#Saying “i feel you weren't considerate of me when you said this” is VERY DIFFERENT from just saying I'm COMPLETELY INCONSIDERATE#YOU DO THIS OUT OF OBLIGATION !!!! YOU ONLY DRIVE ME PLACES BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO NOT OF THE GOODNESS OF YOUR OWN HEART#AND YOU STILL CHOSE TO THROW THAT IN MY FACE WHEN YOU GOT UPSET#GROW UP !!!! GROW UP !!! GROW UP !!!#LEARN how to talk about your issues and ONLY the issue at hand !!!! you don't get to say what you want cause you think you're winning !!!!#NO ONE'S WINNING !!!! WE'RE BOTH UPSET !!!! WE'RE BOTH UPSET AND WE'RE BOTH FEELING LIKE GARBAGE TO THE OTHER !!!!#(yes i realize I cant actually grow tf up too and talk this out)#(tomorrow tho it's past 1am already and I gotta shower)
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#this is such a niche gripe i guess idk its why it's in the tags#but i really get so annoyed by how a lot of this fandom acts like they know everything about her especially like where she goes#and what she does in her free time because they think they KNOW about everything but#all you know is what she chooses to show you like specifically paps like...... she calls them. all celebs do. 99.999999% of the time#these days it's how that industry works which i KNOW for a fact but like don't take my word for it if you don't believe me fine#but it's how it is and i can tell you that from professional experience but also like#the amount of friends and people i know who've seen her places all over the city for YEARS now#and there are no pap photos of her in those places nor did anyone know she went to that building/restaurant/bar/event#there are a feeeeeew places in the city which are celeb hotspots and the paps might skulk around there but that's cuz#they are known spots for that and waiters and staff tip them off for profit shares#like i know someone who saw her literally last night at a restaurant#there are no photos of her there and no paps outside#like if you think she doesn't leave the house or go somewhere without you knowing cuz you think she's papped everywhere...#thats just simply not true lol couldn't be FURTHER from true#she goes so many places and does so many things that you just don't know about. it's VERY easy to live a private life in the city#EVEN THIS WEEK she's gone more places than you've seen her getting papped at cuz i know people who've seen her!#i can't tell you the amount of famous people i've come across in these situations and the press and social media were none the wiser#people i've sat next to at a crowded brunch counter or people walking their dog or taking their kid for a bike ride like.... ALL THE TIME#famous people love new york cuz new yorkers don't bother them and they can live in relative obscurity#idk what i'm getting at i guess this weirdness like I AM GONNA SHUT DOWN ANYTHING THAT I DONT HAVE PROOF OF#is so deranged to me because...... you only have ~proof~ of like 10% of her life#so the other 90% of it didn't happen cuz.... you a blogger on the internet don't have photographic evidence of it????#IS THAT NOT THE MOST INSANE THING TO SAY????#idk really weird that people just think they know her and shut down any one who poses something that doesn't fit into their#frankensteined version of her that they made out of a bunch of paparazzi photos and flight trackers and deuxmoi posts taped together#as if THATS somehow MORE sane and a more realized person#idk if i'm making sense i'm annoyed whatever whatEVERRRRR
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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"i thought you said you'd make an effort" MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS ONLY COMPLAINT #1 OUT OF A VERY LONG LIST JUST BE GRATEFUL I CAN WAIT UNTIL THE GUESTS ARE GONE TO SNAP
#YEAH I MAKE AN EFFORT THATS WHY I ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STUFF I REALLY CANNOT DEAL WITH LONGTERM#god#it's just#incredibly annoying how my mom just goes OUT OF HER WAY to shrink the scope again when i just explained to her what would work#''so you can't speak up and if we do nothing it doesn't work'' yeah no shit then speak up YOU then. like i just said you probably should#i mean. you did say you don't control what guests bring. BUT YES YOU DO#yes you can speak to them about it#you can discuss and make it less systematic#you can express your thoughts#so you actually just lie to sympathize with me but you don't give a shit#and yet you still act like you tried everything like you just don't know what else could be done#i told you what was my problem i told you what would make it better#say you have other priorities#say you expect me to make an effort and not to be the fucking freak i was my whole childhood#that you were kind enough to tolerate most of the time#even though i was sooooo fucking weird when you knew i had problems but couldn't categorize them so why would i need to do things different#say you don't understand why i hurts me if i can ''try to make an effort''#sorry the only kind of family reunion we have is food-based and i can't try and have good relationships w my family if i dont can it#and eat whatever's in front of me so that they can be happy i'm finally normal and grown up#god jesus christ#yeah it IS your house and i don't get to veto or force anything#dont act surprised when your smart plan for dealing with difficult things is expect your kid to shut the fuck up about any problem they hav#and then huh. weird. your kid isn't happy.#i try to foster a good relationship holy shit#i try to go past the things i don't like and compromise and engage w them#how is that not doing my best#i'm sorry i don't feel great when difficult things happen and also i can't control any of it#when you can and you've also shown me many time i can't expect actually meaningful support from you#broadcasting my misery#vent
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everyone here was soooo excited because a national channel was going to bring back this iconic tv series, directed specifically to the youth, from our childhood and adolescence that we are so nostalgic about after 11 years for them to disappoint us all with the trailer because it looks like elite 2.0
#they ruined morangos com açúcar i dont think you guys understand#this was supposed to be a cliché show with bad acting about students and dramas at school not a fucking disappearing mystery show#with parties and sex and whatnot 😭#they're making it release in 10 episode seasons like streaming shows too.... that's not morangos!!!!! anfngngnbg#the vibe is so different that it actually makes no sense why they would try to tie it with the other seasons plot and actors shsjshs#yes morangos had your occasional topics of teenage pregnancy and queerness and all that jazz but it was actually explored well#the way they're making girls kiss and parties happening and everything of those sorts in the new season is literally like any of those#spanish teenage shows with too much sex scenes and it's embarrassing actually.#the essence of our national tv is getting lost because they want to do stuff that 'sells' except morangos never sold because it was trendy#or even good because the acting was honestly not great. it was literally our company and part of our routine all year around almost#it was the show we would arrive from school to watch before dinner every day#we watched them experience the school year at the same time we did and on holidays there was a special summer edition#it was a whole thing that this new version isn't.#it was a novela directed for the youth and not whatever show they're trying to make and i'm so mad#i actually wanted to see it. morangos was special to so many of us everybody knows the songs everybody loves the artists that came from#that generation we all grew up watching it.... literally.#and capitalism strikes again 👍#the auditions were a joke too. they announced auditions for anyone who would like to because another thing about morangos is that it was#a talent factory it gave opportunity to newbie actors and pushed their careers and the new season has a bunch of already renown actors and#actresses and they didn't even care to hide how fake and rigged the public auditons were lol#anyways never building expectations about anything ever again this actually broke my heart man agjshs#i'm gonna mourn this listening to d'zrt 4taste and just girls ✊
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ball dur's gait 3 is ruining my life
#mine#I THINK I LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF AST4RI0N ROMANCE BY ACCIDENT#AND THE WORST PART IS I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW!!!!!!!#LIKE. WHAT SCENE DID I FUCK UP IN. WHICH DIALOGUE DID I MISS. WHERE DID I GO WRONG#i just got to act 3 and i had the option to ask him why him and my char haven't [ahem] in a while and i decided to click on it#and he finished the conversation by being like 'yeah theres never going to be anything between us'#i insta-reloaded to my save right before the convo because i refuse to accept that as being canon#even though i know the structure of this game well enough to know the fact that i have the option to have that convo#is like a 99% guarantee that i cant romance him#but fuck me man i wanna be a little delusional and keep believing#but if it's really over...............then 1. i'm very upset especially because this is my self insert#(although that is oddly fitting in its own way)#2. i still care him so much and in my heart i want to believe maybe after the events of the game something happens between them#3. im going to kill myself#and 4. on the upside i guess this does offer some interesting story/rp aspects i could play with in my silly mind#but fuuuuuuck me man i was counting on being able to do it i really thought i could get this to work...................#fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck man#so many things have gone wrong in this run it's almost kinda funny#i guess this also adds another playthrough to my planned list cause even though i watched the supercut and i know his romance already#i still kind of want to experience it for myself...even if it's not with my insert :(#but then again my tavs and durges will always be a little bit of an insert cause i'm going to project on them and they'll always#have something in common with me#i can try again in the future...#my 2nd run is going to be durgestarion with durge resisting the urges which i think will be really fun#but i guess im gonna need to use a guide LMAO#fuuuuuuuuuuck dude even though i reloaded to make the convo uncanon i feel like me and my little tav guy are sharing a deeply painful momen#ok this is too many tags WHATEVER i have a call in 30 minutes and then i'm playing the game for the rest of the day#even if he doesn't want me i will still care him......#oh i guess that's the other upside is i can see nonromantic dialogue i might not have seen otherwise#i'll probably see friend dialogue in future playthroughs when i romance other characters but who knows
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