#i did not use the nice new canonical casual because i did not feel like pulling up a reference for it LMAO

[infernaltenor]

simple rule

[neysaadept]

Prometheus Chapter 12

Emily Prentiss x Female CIA Reader

Chapter 12 - Let's Chat

Tags: Swearing, canon typical violence, therapy, mentions of sexual assault, murder, torture, strangulation. No beta reader, mistakes are all me. Minors DNI.

Word Count: 6.6k

AO3

“I think this is the first time you had a good excuse for missing a session that wasn’t entirely work related.”

You laugh as your therapist scribbles information on the notepad resting on her thighs. She was sitting on the white chair across from your position on the couch in your apartment. Brian really called out all the stops in making this happen.

You have been seeing Nina Davis for the last four years as part of mandatory therapy because of your unique situation in joining the CIA. Whenever you were stateside, you had to see her and thanks to Rebecca Wilson, you get to see her for six months instead of a couple sessions snuck in before you were deployed once more. The CIA always wanted to get you back working in the field as soon as you were debriefed and cleared.

Nina was a thin woman with well-manicured nails, you couldn’t remember a time they weren’t perfectly filed and polished. Often, they were clear coated but depending on the season or holiday, she dazzled with some color. Like now her nails are colored burgundy that compliment her rust color sweater. Since it was Sunday, she has on jeans and tennis shoes which was about as casual as Nina got. In her office, it was always business casual. You noticed it was only in the last year and a half Nina’s straight blonde hair was paling as she pushed fifty. It was still a lovely shade that made her just as beautiful as it frames her face and slides across her shoulders as she moves.

It makes your thoughts shift to how Emily’s hair does the same but since hers was longer, it cascaded so smoothly like water. You wonder how it would feel to run your hands through it …

Then you hear your name being spoken with increasing urgency to get your attention. You look at Nina apologetically. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“Where did you go just now?” she asks in that annoyingly knowing therapeutic curiosity.

“Thinking about work.” She doesn’t buy it and raises a brow to have you elaborate further. “Fine. A co-worker.”

“Are you getting along well with them? You mentioned that Prentiss was causing you problems that first week.”

You shrug, not realizing that what you thought was a simple relieved smile was broad and bright. “Yeah, things are much better. We talked it out and came to a mutual understanding.”

Nina squints wisely. “You have a new friend.”

Damn she’s still good at this shit, you think.

“I wouldn’t call us friends. Not sure people like us define our …” you struggle to find the right words for you and Emily as your curling fingers circle one another in front of you as if trying to grab onto the right words. You’re coworkers for sure. And she has gone out of her way to make you be social with the BAU. You have a lot in common but enough differences to keep each other on a playful edge. The woman knew how to make you feel safe around her and not be on guard.

“ … uh, I guess we’re a budding friendship?” You wince. “That sounds lame.”

“It’s not lame at all.” You smile. “It’s difficult for you to connect with new people so this is really nice to hear.”

“Yeah. The BAU has been really cool. I even got a desk and everything,” you admit fondly.

“Good. You’re integrating well.” She scribbles more notes down. “Any issues come up with your past?”

You think back to a few gaffs with Prentiss, but it works out now that she has clearance. “I did let it slip that Rebecca bailed me out of the AWOL situation without specifics. Brian doesn’t know …” you say warily.

Nina chuckles. “Not the first time you’ve told me this, and he doesn’t have to know now. He gave the section chief some leeway in your background. So, this shouldn’t be a problem.” She looks up at you. “Does she know anything else?”

“That I’m a spy. She was one, too.”

“Common ground is nice. Anything else?” She senses you’re hiding something and pushes gently.

You look away with your tongue firmly pressing against the back of your teeth. Your knee starts bouncing frantically. Nina knows the signs of when you are delving deep into your childhood trauma.

“I …” You clear your throat and rest your head against the back of the couch cushions. “The case I worked with Prentiss and Rossi. The unsub was a victim of sexual assault.” Nina is quiet, letting the silence be a sign to continue to share further if you’re comfortable. “The guy she wanted to kill was an unconfirmed rapist in the eyes of the law. But she knew he was guilty and got off on technicalities with a lot of money getting good lawyers. So, despite the fact that I wanted her to slice his throat open and watch the fucker die …” You stop there as your eyes get wet with tears and work your lips as you reach down to find the courage you need continue. “… I shared … I shared that I knew how she felt … as a survivor. Talked her down.”

“That had to be difficult.”

“Yeah, it really fucking was and I feel so guilty about it.”

She says your name softly. “Why is that?”

“Because …” you suddenly lean forward over your legs, your arms bracing you upright while balling your hands into fists. “… I wasn’t honest with her. I couldn’t fucking tell her that I killed my abuser when she never could. It’s fucking bullshit what happened to her. Me. Anyone this happens to. I fucking hate that I had to fucking lie to her so much, but I knew if I said it, she’d snap and try to kill her mark and then she’d be shot to death.”

“You didn’t want her to get hurt. Or die.”

“No!” You shake your head and growl. “She didn’t want to die. She just wanted justice.”

“You’re still trying to reconcile saving her life by lying. You’ve done that numerous times in the past. But this was different.”

“Yes!” You look up with wild eyes. “Of course it was!”

Nina sets her pen down, cradling the notepad as she looks sympathetically at you. “Did you talk to Brian about this?”

“No …”

“How about someone from the Prometheus unit?”

You sigh and lean back. “No.”

“Just me then.”

You twist your lips and sigh again. “No. Well, not exactly.”

“Can you explain further?” she says with gentle caution.

“Well, I didn’t out right say I was feeling guilty, but Emily knows that I killed my abuser. And she’s a profiler. She knows how to add all that shit up to a reasonable conclusion.” You hold your hands up in defeat. “She’s not stupid.”

“You don’t share these things so easily. Or at all.” Her blue eyes are scrutinizing you and you feel exposed. “What’s changed?”

You nervously lick your lips before biting the lower half from spilling how your heart has developed a rather large soft spot for the section chief. After a few beats of uncomfortable silence on your part, not Nina’s, she sits back up and accepts the non-answer. You know she has suspicions. “You don’t have to tell me. But it would be a good idea to revisit this at our next session since you’re going to be with these people for another …” She flips through her notes. “Five months?”

You nod in confirmation.

“Good. Now … let’s shift gears with how you’re handling the Sicarius case.”

Non Boss Chat Created at 1258

Penelope Garcia invited JJ and Tara Lewis to the chat.

Penelope Garica changed their username to Queen Penelope.

Queen Penelope sent at 1301: GUYS EMILY FLAKED OUT ON ASKING WHITLOCK OUT!!!

JJ joins the chat.

JJ sent 1325: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHEN?!

Queen Penelope sent 1325: Yesterday. She was all set to do it but then just came back and said she changed her mind.

Queen Penelope sent 1326: I want to know WHY

Queen Penelope changed JJ username to Cheeto Mom.

Cheeto Mom sent 1327: Spill. What exactly happened???

Cheeto Mom sent 1327: And WTF Pen. Really? Cheeto Mom?

Queen Penelope sent 1327: Yes! You are a mom and like Cheetos! So duh, Cheeto Mom!

Tara Lewis joins the chat.

Cheeto Mom sent 1328: Why can’t I be a queen like you?

Queen Penelope changed Cheeto Mom username to Queen Cheeto Mom.

Queen Penelope sent 1329: Better?

Queen Cheeto Mom sent 1331: Very

Tara Lewis sent 1331: What the hell did I just walk in on?

Queen Penelope changes Tara Lewis username to Bisexual Goddess.

Queen Cheeto Mom sent 1332: Emily was going to ask Whitlock out and didn’t!

Bisexual Goddess sent 1332: WHAT

Bisexual Goddess sent 1332: You are all not playing with me right? Also, I approve of the name change.

Queen Penelope sent 1333: We are not! And Yay!

Queen Penelope sent 1333: Our Emily really likes her but I don’t know why she doesn’t want to now.

Queen Cheeto Mom sent 1335: I repeat SPILL.

Queen Cheeto Mom sent 1335: WHAT HAPPENED???

Queen Penelope sent 1340: OK. We were at Quantico yesterday to deal with Spiderboy. When cutie left the lair I asked Emily about the whole into her thing. Cuz HELLO Emily is so loving the attention she was getting from her at Fireside. Emily denied I confirmed and after an amazing pep talk by yours truly she got up to go ask her out. Then when she came back she was all sad and that made me sad and when I asked why she was sad she just said she changed her mind. And when I pressed further, she told me to drop it rather angrily 😭

Bisexual Goddess sent 1350: That’s weird. Even for Emily. Did she say anything about why she changed her mind. Did she even talk to Whitlock?

Queen Penelope sent 1353: No. She didn’t. I got that out of her but nothing else.

Queen Penelope sent 1354: OOOOOOO maybe we can get Rebecca in on this to help!

Bisexual Goddess sent 1355: HELL NO! Were you NOT there on Friday when I said she hates people meddling in her love life? Need to let these two sort it out. Least we know our girl didn’t fuck things up with her mouth.

Queen Cheeto Mom sent 1401: Buuuuuuut … we can at least find out wtf happened with Emily.

Queen Cheeto Mom sent 1402: I’ll talk to Emily and see what happened.

Queen Penelope sent 1403: WHEN

Queen Cheeto Mom sent 1405: At soccer right now.

Bisexual Goddess sent 1406: They winning?

Queen Penelope sent 1406: Is Michael scoring all the goals?

Queen Cheeto Mom sent 1415: Yes and Yes 😊 One time at the wrong goal post LOL

User45125: Same shit on my end. Life. Will life get in the way with you being around?

FlamePit23: I’m not a psychic. But the plan is to be more active. Bunch of idiots on this board need a proper education and happy to enroll them in how to not blow yourself up and die and instead find the rush of fire to cover up all those lies.

User45125: All the lies of the world.

FlamePit23: And humanity.

User45125: Still the same old prophetic sounding girl I know. Good. Had any fun lately?

FlamePit23: Minor annoyances. Don’t want to go too big just yet until I’m ready for the next masterpiece.

User45125: Maybe I can help with that.

FlamePit23: That right? Do tell.

“Haven’t heard from him since,” you explain to Emily in her office. You wanted to make sure to brief her in full then just the quick update by text last night on your personal phone. Emily had turned one of the computer screens so the two of you could view the messages on either side of her desk.

“We need to tread carefully with this.” Emily leans back while running the fingers of one hand over the palm of the other. “After Green, he might sense another mole.”

You nod. “Agreed. I’m optimistic he sees me as the real user. Confirms the user is female like I anticipated, but until we know how he wants to help; we’re in a holding pattern until he explains further.”

“I’ll get Garcia on requisitioning burner phones for your use. If this continues, he’ll want to reach out and talk to you. Someone like this FlamePit23 will want to remain off the grid.”

“Makes sense. We’ll have to see how Pen’s doing with the digital footprints.”

“And you not having one will work in our favor. Soon as he sees your face, he’ll go snooping.” She looks at you and then nods. “Finally, your mysterious past works in our favor.”

You chuckle. “I thought my mysterious past was already working in our favor when I showed up at your door like the CIA leprechaun.”

Emily’s reaction is one sculpted brow raising.

“Uh …” You bring your arms up in a circle. “Stipend. Pot of gold.”

She remains unimpressed.

You lower your arms in a huff. “I didn’t wanna say I was your sugar mama again but …”

“Whitlock!” She growls and throws a pen sideways at you. “That’s not funny!”

You bring your hands up to deflect the pen that ricochets off your palm and to the floor. “Why I said pot of gold!”

“Just … go.” She waves you away. “Out! Go talk to Garcia and get your cover sorted.”

You pivot onto your feet in a flourish that has you standing at attention in the next second. You salute playfully. “Yes, ma’am.” And then before Emily had a chance to throw the piece of paper she was balling up; you make a swift exit.

Emily still chucks it after you, watching it arc in the air before it pitifully hits the floor at the threshold of her office door then rolls to a stop. Her face deeply sets into a frown as she is left wondering why you must remain so fucking adorable. It didn’t make this easier – stepping away because you clearly had no interest in her. Only this Nina that Brian set you up with. And fuck, Emily had been so sure Penelope was right in convincing her to go after you because she had just overheard how you were embarrassed singing in front of her and confirming that she had clearance. It made her feel nervous and excited all at once and it wasn’t a mixture of emotions she would have thought possible to feel for another woman again.

“Hey, Em.” JJ pokes her head through the doorway and looks down at the ball of paper. “Uh, you busy?”

“No, JJ. Come on in.”

She reaches down to pick up the paper. “You sure?” JJ shakes the wad and throws it back to Emily as she stands up to close the door.

Emily catches it with a flinch. “Yes. Why?”

“Whitlock told us a tale of woe of you trying to papercut her to death,” she says with a twinkle in her eye.

“As usual, that woman likes to exaggerate.” She sets the paper aside with more force than intended. “What can I do for you, JJ?”

“Well, I was curious about something.” She doesn’t elaborate further as she sits across from Emily.

Emily’s danger sense starts to go off, and her brown eyes narrow suspiciously. “About what exactly?”

That accusing tone makes JJ sit up straighter and grins knowingly. “About the woman you tried to hit that with when you should be hitting on her.”

“God damn it, Penelope …” Emily complains, lowering her head over the desk as she grips the roots of grey hair with frustration. She should’ve known Penelope would have said something even though she warned her not to. “Who else knows?”

“Just me and Tara.” Something inaudible was heard and JJ leaned in closer. “What was that?”

“I said shoot me.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, even for you Emily.” JJ tightens her lips at seeing her friend so wound up. “I’m just here to understand what happened.”

“You’re here to spy on me and report back.”

“Emily, look …” She stops, disappointed that Emily hasn’t looked up yet. “Hey, I rather I wasn’t talking to your head.

JJ watches as Emily’s shoulders dramatically rise and fall before she looks up and lets her hands fall against the desk. “She had a date.”

That made JJ jerk back in confusion. “Whitlock?” Emily nods. “So, you didn’t ask her out because she had a date? Suppose that doesn’t surprise me. Doesn’t take much for you to run away.”

Emily pushes herself up with an elbow and leans back. “Gee. Thanks, JJ.”

“It’s true! You suck at dating.” Her face drops with gentle sincerity. “And you suck at noticing when people have the hots for you.” She dramatically points to herself with two thumbs. “Case in point.”

She laughs morosely. “Fair. But keep in mind we were in two different places mentally and emotionally when that was happening.”

The back-and-forth affection that went beyond friendship just never connected at the right time for JJ and Emily. They long made peace with that fact years ago that it wasn’t meant to be. JJ moved on with Will and it really saddened her that Emily hadn’t found that special someone yet – which was by design or her friend’s awkwardness, the jury was still out. She knew that Emily wanted all of those things – a partner she could trust and confide in and start a long-term relationship with that meant moving in together and perhaps even marriage. The woman across from her kept self-sabotaging any chance of that from blossoming so far.

“And it doesn’t matter,” Emily states again.

“You need glasses because that girl was all over you on Friday with hands and eyes. Sometimes, those eyes of hers actually found yours when she wasn’t staring at your tits,” JJ teases.

“Then why was she so apologetic about this Nina?” she counters in anger, but it made her feel better that you were staring at her boobs.

“Wow.” JJ is shocked. “You really like her.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She brought her hand up to purposefully cut JJ off. “I mean it. I made my decision, and I stand by it. And I swear that the three of you need to stay out of it. I’m not going after Whitlock since she’s already maybe probably has someone.”

“Bu-“

“I mean it, JJ.” She glares hard at her. “And I don’t want to have this conversation again with any of you. And I fucking swear if Whitlock hears about this …”

“Hey, Em. Come on. We wouldn’t do anything like that to embarrass you. Or her. That’s crossing a line none of us would do.”

Emily seems to be appeased and nods curtly. “Good.”

“But …”

She groans in annoyance but allows JJ to continue.

“… I think it says a lot that you were going to take a chance on her. But making a decision on a partially overheard conversation doesn’t do your profiling skills justice.”

“What are you on about?” she asks, incredulously.

“All I’m saying, Em, is that you are thinking with your emotions and not that beautiful brain of yours. Since when do us profilers make a case based on a half overheard conversation and jump to only one outcome?” Emily looks to JJ as the blonde profiler nods at seeing her friend’s mind start to work. “You need more info.”

That conversation never had a chance to happen, and Emily was left ruminating on JJ’s advice when she sent the team out on a case in Hayden, ID four days later. The city was close to the Washington State border and a twenty-minute drive from Coeur d’Alene, ID. A body of an adult female had been found dumped in the woods with strangulation marks, broken fingers, burn marks, and shot twice in the chest. The victimology matched similar murders near Spokane and local authorities needed help finding the unsub before more victims appeared.

Emily had Rossi stay behind to keep working on Green to see if he would cooperate, which was turning into a colder lead by the day. They were trying hard to keep him out of prison and convince him that his cooperation would benefit all parties involved in capturing Sicarius. He keeps refusing to assist and the cognitive interview. The BAU was sympathetic to his plight, but Green has been warned that FBI benevolence can last for so long, especially since they have another way to contact Sicarius. So far, he doesn’t either care or believe them.

Back in Idaho, the four of you are split up to maximize resources and gather information. Alvez and Lewis went to Spokane, leaving you and JJ to work with the sheriff’s department, interview witnesses, family and friends, and examine the crime scene. You check in with your counterparts to compare notes several times a day to work the profile in two cities and update Prentiss and Garcia to narrow the search, fine tune the data.

Finally, you struck gold with Tommy Ferguson, a fifty-one-year-old local trucker who was physically abused by his alcoholic father. He had also been forced to watch his father beat and rape his mother repeatedly as punishment for being a bad child. When CPS* got involved, Tommy was living in Washington state and removed him from the home and placed in foster care. He passed around from home to home until he was of age. With this, he had a long list of anti-social traits that therapists tried to work through, but he often got into fights and petty thefts, causing small stints in jail. That is where he met Andrew Loyd as his cellmate, who was charged with involuntary manslaughter on his second DUI. The two of them met up three years ago after Loyd finished his stint in at the Idaho State Corrections, and soon the two spiraled into drugs, alcohol and violent tendencies against several women in the beginning when reunited. Loyd was the dominant in the relationship and kept escalating the partnership until they were torturing and murdering their victims.

This is why you were now outside a warehouse that was being rented by Ferguson with the reunited BAU and the local SWAT team. The contract had an agreement to store his cab, equipment, and trailers that he couldn’t store at his mobile home since there wasn’t enough room on the lot. It was also a potentially easy location to bring their victims to and from under the cover of Ferguson’s job. That was the running theory.

You convinced local police to keep Ferguson and Loyd off media outlets and take them by surprise as it was unknown if they had a current victim, and they were conveniently scarce. There were no missing people filed that fit their profile but that didn’t mean someone wasn’t inside the building. You couldn’t confirm and you didn’t want to escalate the timeframe of their kill and make a run for it. There were officers watching Ferguson’s trailer since he became a suspect but there was no recent sign of him. Even neighbors hadn’t seen him or Loyd lately. Loyd had no address and lived off the grid, presumably with Ferguson. That made the warehouse the most likely location for the pair.

The plan is simple. Enter quietly and take them by surprise once confirmed by plain clothes officers that they had visuals on the unsubs. The BAU and SWAT surrounded the area under the cover of Amazon and UPS trucks throughout the day setting up the operation. The vehicles would back up against the driveways and have officers secretly enter the buildings through the garages on either side of the targeted building, already approved by the owners of those properties. They would operate business as usual while feds and officers were staging the op in a locked back room. This was to keep the suspects contained in the area, minimize damage to the surrounding areas and loss of life, and hopefully protect any captured victims.

It was just after 10am when Luke and Tara took the lead heading behind the building while you and JJ had the front. Gun drawn, you nod to JJ and test the doorknob and true to the lifestyle in this area of Idaho, the door was unlocked while someone was onsite. You quietly continue to turn it and push the door open ajar. Silence greets you and nothing catches your visual interest. You signal to the team on how to split up and cover ground. JJ would be with you.

You and JJ broke off left and soon the beloved voice of Garcia was in your ear.

“Luke was useful and found an electrical box by his location. They missed it at first since it was painted over to look like part of the building.”

Then Prentiss spoke up. “It appears to be done on purpose. These guys are smart so be careful.”

“And it means I have access to the video feed. I will be your eyes my Padawans.”

You and JJ signal all clears and continue to move deeper into the warehouse. You are about to turn into the next room when Garcia shouts. “STOP! Do not go in there! Both of them are in the conference room with all sorts of nasty things that can kill you.”

You and JJ exchange looks, and you point to yourself, then her, and then the door signaling how you can take them by surprise. What you didn’t know is that Prentiss and Garcia can see you and JJ as well on the live feed by a camera in your area.

“Stand down. There’s no victim in there. Wait for further back up,” Prentiss orders.

“Uh … something spooked them. They’re grabbing things, Emily.” Penelope’s worried voice hits the adrenaline you have into overdrive.

“God damn SWAT moved too close to the windows.” Yeah, Prentiss was pissed. So are you.

You hear the erratic sounds of metal being moved around and a clip of ammo clicking into place. There were also careless footfalls that were smacking into furniture. With only seconds to think this through you look to JJ and signal for her to back up and they should take them as they leave. She nods in agreement as you holster your gun.

“What the hell are you doing, Whitlock? Pull your firearm out.” You ignore Emily because you know what you were doing. “I know you can hear me. Pull out your weapon!”

You both brace yourselves against the walls as you hear steps getting closer, the handle starts to shake, and soon the door swung open towards the inside. Your focus was on the first one that came through the door, and it was the lanky, greasy brown-haired Loyd. You grab his gun arm viciously and spin him around so his back slams up against the wall so hard that his baseball cap gets knocked off and falls to the ground. With you in control of where the gun is pointed, you and JJ remain safe.

The events happened so fast that Ferguson didn’t know what to make of it and when he passed through the doorway, his attention was with the struggle his partner was having with you. All it took was a well place crack of her gun handle on Ferguson’s shoulder to force him to drop his weapon. She kicks it out of reach and grabs him by the shirt collar. “FBI! Don’t move!” and places the barrel of the gun against his head for emphasis.

You put immediate pressure on the outside of Loyd’s arm against his radial nerve that causes him to cry out in excruciating pain that forces him to drop the weapon. You then twist his arm while kicking the gun far away from both men, forcing him to come off the wall and onto his knees. From there, it was easy to cuff him.

You and JJ had fun ping ponging announcing their Miranda rights as you both walked them through the warehouse.

Penelope warily looks up at Emily as the chatter from Luke and Tara comes through congratulating you and JJ on a nice takedown of the unsubs without being hurt. She saw Emily face set squarely, nostrils flaring with each inhalation of breath. The palms of her hands remained flat on Penelope’s desk, but Emily’s fingers were jagged at each joint. She was pissed.

She tries to diffuse the tension by clapping her hands. “Yay! Team Padawan got the bad guys!”

Emily raises a brow and tilts her head before pushing herself up to stand fully. “Yes, they did. Approximately how long until they’re back.”

“Uh …” She puts her arms down to do some calculations. “Probably seven to nine hours depending how quickly they hand the case off to local PD.”

“Let me know when they land.” She orders before turning to leave, not acknowledging Penelope with even a look.

When the door closes, Penelope mouths a ‘wow’ and looks at you on the video feed. “Oh, my beloved Whitlock. Mom’s pissed at you.”

Seven hours later, the BAU was back at Quantico and exhausted. You were all looking forward to finalizing the checkout procedure and heading home.

JJ is on her phone texting back and forth with Will as she heads to pick up her things at her desk. Luke yawns as he swings his to go bag around in hand and lets go, watching it land on his chair. He pumps his fist in victory. “Yes!”

“Nice form, Alvez. I’m impressed.” Tara looks at you. “Your turn.”

“Yeah, no. Knowing my luck, I’ll miss and knock everything off my desk.” You set your bag down on top of your desk and log into your computer to check out when Emily’s voice cuts through the lighthearted camaraderie.

“Whitlock. My office now.”

You look up in time to see an indignant cross armed Prentiss make brief eye contact with you before making an about face back inside her office. You didn’t even have a chance to appear confused before her, but your team saw it.

“What did you do?” Luke asks from across the bullpen.

“I … honestly have no idea,” you admit lamely and look to Tara and JJ. “You have any insights?”

Of course, the two of them wonder if this is about Emily’s feelings towards you and she was pretending to be upset to throw them off the trail.

Tara shrugs helplessly and JJ shakes her head no.

“Big help you two are.” You lock your station and start heading up to Emily’s office. “Better not keep her waiting.”

Once you passed by and were at a safe distance, Tara locks eyes with JJ and mouths, ‘Is this about your talk with Emily?’

JJ shrugs and mouths back, ‘No idea.’

Luke was too busy finishing up to notice the exchange.

“Hey …” you say, poking your head in and study Emily behind her desk not looking at you but at a file. She was making notes with a pen. You got a shiver down your spine and have a sense of déjà vu. “Wanted to see me?”

“Close the door.” She said it without looking up making you frown, but you did it. When it clicks close, she speaks again in that clip tone. “Have a seat.”

She still wasn’t looking at you and you almost wanted to take a seat on the couch to fuck with her but even you knew when to behave. It wasn’t often, but this was one of those times. So, you take a seat, rest a shoe on the opposite knee and interlock your fingers together on your stomach.

You begin the opening salvo with a, “What’s up chief?” since you sense a fight.

Emily makes a production in capping the pen before setting it down. It was then she looks.up at you with formidable brown orbs. “You may have gotten away with a lot of interpretations of orders in the CIA, but as you’re a member of the BAU, mine are not a suggestion.”

“Wait,” You pull your fingers free to lift a hand up to point at Emily. “This is about me putting my gun away?”

“Yes, this is about that. You never holster a weapon when confronting suspects,” she snaps back.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I am not.” She points the pen accusingly at you. “You went against protocol and my order. You could’ve gotten yourself and JJ killed.”

“But based on what I was aware of, I made the better call. Which ended in no shots fired and the suspects in custody.”

She looks at you with indignation and sits up straight in the chair. “But there is no way you could have predicted that. You got lucky.”

“No, what’s lucky is the call I made because I was concerned that if they saw us in their peripherals, they’d start shooting. By taking one by surprise, it knocked the other off their game and they became easy pickings for me and JJ to apprehend. It didn’t even take a minute,” you explain calmly. You didn’t want to feed into Prentiss’ exertion of authority. Even if the two of you were able to open up to one another and find common ground, you felt that your friendship with her was hanging on a precarious thread. Ever since drunk karaoke in her car, Emily felt more distant this week. Nothing could prove this was true besides the gnawing feeling in your gut.

Emily crosses her arms across her chest defensively. “You didn’t wait to hear what my next orders were going to be because you ignored me. You do not ignore your superior in the field, Whitlock.”

“Okay, then. Enlighten me oh great and all-knowing Prentiss on how the situation would have went down with your orders.” You motion to her with both arms extending with the cocky condescending tone you were known for. Yeah, the whole being nice thing just went out the window after that.

“You and JJ would have backed off, put enough distance between you and the door to provide enough opportunity to take them off guard. You’d have them in your sights with weapons trained on them, giving you both the upper hand.”

“Loyd is the issue with that.” She starts to open her mouth to argue but you continue. “I’m serious. The guy got off on violence and would have opened fire. Instead of exchanging fire with no known outcome on casualties, we go two suspects alive and me and JJ unharmed.”

Emily knew you were right, but she was edging towards a release and fighting with you for going against her order was all she had right now. It was completely irrational, and she knew it, but her mouth wouldn’t stop. “Regardless you blatantly ignored me in the field. That is unacceptable. How am I to trust you won’t do this again?”

That raises the hackles on your neck. Your face twists in contempt as she doesn’t back down with her haughty air of authority. “Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?! After everything I told you, after everything we shared, you don’t fucking trust me?”

Your eyes were seething, which matches the intensity of Emily’s anger. But there was a flicker of awareness that briefly peaked through a crack in her defense.

Your phone rings and you reach for it resting in your back pocket. “May the ladyship excuse me?” You ask with a biting tone. “I have to check who this is. Or are ya gonna order me to ignore it?”

“Don’t be a child.” She snaps.

“Then stop acting like I personally offended you because I made the better call.” You could feel your lips curl into a snarl. You were offended that Emily felt that your relationship had to fall back a few steps because her ego got bruised. You thought Emily was better than the usual agents turned bureaucrats. Emily had strong roots in the work. She should be able to understand a different call in the middle of an operation that you felt was right, not because you wanted to undermine her authority. You pegged her wrong, and it saddens you.

“Ah fuck.” You finally take note of who was calling and hit accept before it went to voicemail. “I need to take this.”

“Brian?” she asks hesitantly.

“No, my therapist.” You watched as Emily’s face went from hot to baffled within seconds. “What? Never had mandated therapy before?” you accuse, because of course Emily had it with all the shit she’s been through and switch your attention to the caller. “Kinda late for you. Everything alright?”

“Well, is everything alright with you?”

“Yes, just in a meeting with my boss.”

“Emily?”

You sigh and confirm. “Yes, Emily. But back to you, why are you calling?”

“I need to reschedule Monday. I’m on the way to the airport to see my mother.”

“Oh shit. Is she okay?”

“She had a fall, and I need to get eyes on her.”

You are amazed at how Nina could sound so sterile over the phone about personal matters. You know why, because you’re her patient, and it makes sense to keep things separated as much as possible. But there are times, like this, when she offers a glimpse into her life.

“I’m sorry to hear that and yeah, of course we can reschedule. I hope she’s gonna be okay.” You mean every word. You always find people who have any relationship with their mothers that are positive, something to be grateful for. You sure as hell didn’t have that.

“I appreciate that. Talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, Nina. Be safe.”

Emily’s eyes widen in horror and JJ’s words come back to haunt her. She made a terrible assumption and clearly didn’t have all the information because Nina was your therapist. And your therapist knew about her. So, in some way, you talked about her in your sessions. Or was it just a footnote in your file that Nina knew? Either way….

Fuck!

Emily recovers quickly and smooths out her features as you end the call. “Is Nina alright?”

You found it strange that Emily seemingly cared about this after being a bitch. “She is. It’s her mom.”

“Oh.” She licks her lips and decides not to press further. Your curt responses were not open ended. You were closing up and rightfully so. Damn her assumptions and taking the call you made in the field personally. This should have been a collaborated conversation about field ops and chain of command. A conversation you had hinted happened often and got you into trouble. Why should it be different at the BAU? She offers neutral sympathy. “I’m … sorry to hear that.”

You squint trying to read Emily and come up confused. “Yeah. Anyway …” you quirk a brow. “Shall we revisit the child comment?”

“No. I think we’re done here.” Her tone is not as sharp but holds finality.

“Fantastic.” You rise and start to leave, but before you do, you take one last look at Prentiss and give her a Han Solo salute. “Have a lovely weekend your worshipfulness. See ya Monday.”

Emily watches you go but unlike the last time the two of you argued, you didn’t slam the door closed, and Emily didn’t reach for the pack of cigarettes in the desk drawer. Instead, she rests her forehead against the desk and pounds a fist atop it. “Fucking hell.”

*Child Protective Services

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[inkdemonapologist]

Do you prefer Bendy and the Ink Machine or Bendy and the Dark Revival

Gosh…. Tough to answer! I didn’t play either game, nor have I even watched them played all the way through (I just got obsessed and learned as much as I could indirectly). So my relationship to these games is kind of difficult to pin down. If gameplay is better in one than the other, I wouldn’t know. And I’ve talked about this before, but I think neither of them really have a well-told story – the shortcomings are just more obvious in Dark Revival.

TL;DR: the answer is Bendy and the Ink Machine. But I had to really think it over; at first I wasn't sure. After all, I’ve drawn a lot more game-canon art for Dark Revival than Ink Machine! And so much of the appeal of Ink Machine is the Promise of it, which sort of feels unfair to factor in – like, Bendy had a very compelling premise, but Dark Revival didn’t have the luxury of JUST being a cool premise – it had to try to deliver on BatIM’s promises, something BatIM itself didn’t really manage either.

Dark Revival in some ways embraced its human characters more than BatIM ever did (and had very nicely designed human models), which admittedly appeals to me a lot as someone who’s most invested in the humans and the history of this place. But... it’s also a game where that history no longer matters. BatIM’s story leaned heavily on the intrigue of discovering What Happened, while in Dark Revival, what happened in the studio back in the 30s and 40s feels strangely irrelevant? In BatIM I feel like that was the big appeal --

Like, yeah, Sammy’s a weird inky cultist, but the main reason he’s interesting is because we know he didn’t used to be like that. He was annoyed with the cartoon but working here Did Something To Him and now he’s become This. Susie is similar – Twisted Alice would be sort of a shallowly tropey evil lady and not much else were it not for the history of her, the way we strongly suspect that Susie became her out of desperation. And crucially, you’re never directly told these things; you discover the pieces and put them together. I think that was the part of BatIM that really captured me, and is also why I really liked DCTL and especially Illusion of Living when I read them – I think they fit in with that core of BatIM: unreliable documents from one point of view with pieces and discoveries to be held up and compared to other parts of the franchise.

And that is in fact the part that I feel Dark Revival deviated from: the story told and implied in the negative space between audiologs. One of the first notes you find in Dark Revival is from Sammy, and seems to pick up where BatIM left off – Sammy’s insistence that he’s loyal to the company, his casual mention that he speaks for both himself and Jack, are the same sort of Clues we got in Ink Machine, one side of the story that lets us compare with other things Sammy and Jack and Joey have said to figure out which bits are true, and what these relationships we can’t see must’ve been like. But after that, the audiologs and notes shift. It’s a subtle difference, because technically they still have characters talking about what happened in the past, but Dark Revival’s feel less like a story told in negative space and more like an explanation. The audio logs and notes are there to make THIS GAME, the story we’re in now, make sense.

Like, for comparison, the most interesting things that happened in Ink Machine’s past are things we put together: Posters of a cartoon character. An audiolog of Susie getting attached to voicing that character. An audiolog of a distraught Susie losing the part. A toymaker admitting the merch isn’t selling. A living cartoon who appears to be the character, but deeply messed up and desperate to be Perfect. An audiolog of Joey offering Susie a new opportunity to “become Alice.” The things we see happening in Ink Machine are just a piece of the story, the consequences that let us put together what happened in between.

What’s interesting in Dark Revival’s past? Joey had a daughter, created via magic and ink – which is revealed to us not from multiple perspectives, but from Joey playing a literal slideshow to directly explain it. A little Bendy was created, but nobody seems terribly interested in weighing in on that, there’s just an explanation about what was done to change the Ink Demon into Bendy. See the difference? It’s no wonder there’s so many theories about Joey’s Story Being Untrustworthy, because in Ink Machine, one side of the story would be seen as just one piece. We wait for the other side of the story and are confused when it never comes... but this wasn’t meant to be a piece of a story for us to discover – it was meant to be an explanation.

So, yeah, overall, I think Dark Revival introduced some concepts that were very strong and resonated with me (I love Memory Joey, and I love Joey's messy decision to raise a child) but ultimately my preference lies with Ink Machine. Putting together the pieces to search for the truth in the negative space between them was what really captivated me for so long, and I find I really miss it in the sequel.

[rise-my-angel]

Heart of the Great Wolf

8 - Reunion of New Enemies

Pairing: Jon Snow x F!Baratheon!Reader (Slow Burn), Robb Stark x F!Baratheon!Reader

Length: 6.5k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, strained parent-child issues, implied off screen smut, casual nudity, secret relationship, canon divergence

Notes: Short chapter, but it felt important to keep this one self contained. Previous Chapter Here, Series Masterlist Here.

You could’ve fallen asleep with how relaxed you begun to have felt. Perhaps you should’ve, given the time of night but some days these were the only moments the two of you had to yourselves now. The only times he could be this close and comfortable with you without any doubts. With each cut along an edge of your hair, it was followed up with Jon gently running a hand through the locks to clean out any mess left behind. Leaning down toward your ear, his voice was low and raspy, “Am I putting you to sleep?” 

A breathy laugh left you as you opened your eyes once more, the fire before you still burning hot and the fur draped across the floor beneath you soft. “You make me feel good, what can I say?” You two were beyond the point of knowing what such words did to him, especially in the quiet solace of night when the only ones awake were the both of you. 

Jon’s hands stilled in your hair for a moment before a shaky breath glid across the side of your face. You still made his heart pound no matter how used to it he thought he should be by that point. You were soft and honest with him, quiet without ever being uncomfortable and yet you still tested the self control he knew he needed to maintain. Running his hands through your hair once more, he sighed loudly. “I’ve barley touched you.” 

“I know,” Not a teasing smile on your lips, just a genuine one. “But it doesn’t take much with you, does it?” 

You hadn’t gone that far, but you both were more then old enough to know that the waters you were treading in were threatening to drown you. Gentle kisses, and fleeting brushes of hands turned into nights where the only thing that kept you innocent was Jon’s own will power. Moments where you’d end up in his lap as his own back was sat up against the headboard, and his touch greedy and kiss rough and passionate. Your fingers would rake through his long curls and the second you pulled, he’d groan low and deep into your mouth, his hands on their own accord would drag you down to press more firmly onto his hips and feel smug once more at how much the feeling of his covered cock pressed against your core would make you shake. 

But there was also moment’s like this, where he would kneel behind you on the furs in front of his fire and trim your hair for you, just because you had mentioned it getting a bit long and he simply wanted to do it for you. 

“You say that as if I’m not the one who has to watch you walk around in your gorgeous dresses giving everyone that beautiful smile that drives me up the wall.” No one tested his self control more then his own burning need for you, you were relaxed and enjoying his company and gentle touch and here he was behind you telling himself not to hoist you up and throw you onto his bed. 

“I thought we were having a nice, quiet night together, Snow.” He made it so easy to indulge in the lightness and laughter he pulled out of you. You could feel him finishing up the ends of your hair as he freed both his hands and ran them down your shoulders. Sending a shiver across them and down your arms. 

Pressing his chest firmly against your back as he rasped into your ear, “I promise it’ll be nice, and you’ll be quiet as long as I keep your mouth covered, right?” Using his hand to turn your head back as he leaned more over your shoulder, fully intent on covering up your own inevitable gasp with his kiss. 

The sight now however, was similar but reversed. The night was late still, and the room was warm and comfortable but the positions were reversed, you knelt on the edge of the bed doing the trimming, and the wolf was that of another. Your mind, fully present on the Young Wolf and none other. 

Both you and Robb were shamelessly undressed. Having taken you more then once in the hours prior you both stayed awake. A mixture of nerves that kept you unable to sleep, and also a deep need in your stomach that yearned to be close to him. Bare chest pressed against his back as he sat with no shame to cover his cock sat heavy between his legs. 

“Are we attended a diplomatic meeting between kings, or am I taking you to gain my fathers blessing over dinner.” You smiled warmly at the playful roll of his eyes you could catch. 

Robb’s voice and accent thick still quite thick as it tended to be after fucking you. “Either way I’d prefer him not thinking I look like an animal.” Pausing, he turned his head to the side to run his blue eyes up and down the marks along your neck, “Though I might have left a bit too much proof of that anyways.” 

Gently you ran one of your hands over the scratching facial hair over his jaw before pressing a soft kiss to his waiting lips before brushing against them as you spoke. “Your lucky he’s not going to be able to see the rope burn around my wrists. Or he might think you’re just a wild wolf whose dragged his sweet daughter into his den to ravage like a brute.” 

You hated how much you told yourself not to give up and move to climb on his lap. Something in your chest these past few days felt as if you were desperate for Robb at every instance. “Aye, but that’s not so far from the truth, really.” 

One more kiss to his lips, “No, I suppose not. Now keep your head still before I accidentally cut your ear off.” Forcing him to face forward, you squinted your eyes at your work, spotting the small areas that hid, still needed to be trimmed down to match the rest. 

A smirk came easy to his lips, “You can’t cut my hair without risking screwing it up, is that it?” 

Pursing your lips in a playful pout you paused in your work to nudge his head forward from where your fingers held it at, “You’re the one who asked me to do this,” Your voice higher in exclamation pulled a laugh from Robb. 

Once more turning to look at you, as he leaned up to press a kiss to where he could reach at your jaw, murmuring deeply. “Aye, I’m kidding. Who knew my wife was such a sensitive little thing.” 

A huff came from the giant mass of fur near the corner of the room, as the laugh from you both awoke him. Grey Wind glancing up at the pair of you like the direwolf couldn’t decide between going back to sleep and watching you like a hawk. Even with Robb’s orders to keep an eye on you, it was as if the wolf was becoming more possessive about letting others near you then his master was.  

A wave of nauseous nerves passed through you as you finished up, putting everything aside as you ran your fingers freely through his curls, feeling him lean back slightly into the touch. You swallowed heavily, sliding them down to run over his shoulders and across his chest to keep him pressed against you. Robb’s own hands coming up to grasp on onto the arm across his stomach. 

“Everything’s in place, right?” You weren’t tying to doubt him, but the anxiety hit more and more.

Robb’s own confidence giving you a tiny bit of relief. “They’ve been given their instructions, and I’ve made it quite clear they are to be followed exactly as I laid them out.” You nodded against him before slinking down to rest more with the side of your head pressed into his. “The men that they have, once we push them back, he won’t have enough to come up behind him in time.” 

Troops consolidated, and words of their ships preparing you had only a short window to make this all work but Robb had been clear and strict about not deviating from it. Even if this meeting ended as you worried, you’d have the advantage over both armies. 

Stannis Baratheon was planning on sailing his fleet to take King’s Landing and fortunately for the Northern army, you knew your father, you knew Kings Landing, and you knew the man by his side that could lead them there unscathed. Days before, the lords all gathered around as Robb laid his plan out as you provided the details that filled in the gaps.

Lord Karstark had asked how you would know these things, but you were calm and cool in your answer as well. “We both spent time in Kings Landing, and we both spent it doing the same job. Meaning I know there’s only once place that he has a chance to breach the walls.” Looking at a layout of the area surrounding King’s Landing you had laid out a path from Dragonstone to two spots along the shore. “His backups will come through here, and they won’t have enough men to stop them if we draw Tywin’s forces away.” 

Word had been sent to the Riverlands and it left the men in confidence at how well you and Robb worked together. There was no question, even if after tomorrow you still had an enemy in Stannis, there was far less chance of such a long and gruelling war path against him then against the money and manpower of Tywin Lannister. 

So far this war had been between Tywin and Robb, and now the later was the only one who could divert attention away from the capitol to force a loss from the Lannisters. 

Now as the night was dark, you pressed a kiss to Robb’s neck, his arms reaching back to pull you closer to him. “You really think he could be responsible for your uncle’s death?” 

Eyes closing you sighed deeply. The last image of him being discussing the very plan that now got him killed, just as you warned. Only you had mistaken the thing to be his killer, to be that of the consequence of war itself. Not whatever old powers were whispered about. “The priestess with him, some say she whispers orders in his ear and uses her fire magic to make them come true. A year ago I wouldn’t have believed a word of that.” 

“A year ago I wouldn’t have either.” 

Neither of you knew what to say about it, but you both new something was happening between Robb and Grey Wind that no normal man should be capable of. But the more it happened, the more it was like both wolves became just like the other. Grey Wind looking at you with a more possessive wolf pack kind of protection, and something that edged Robb just a little closer to an animal if pushed. 

The night before you and the small group that went with you, Ser Alton Lannister had returned, proving what you and Robb knew would be the answers. The pair of you sat next to one another, Grey Wind sitting a few feet from you made the Lannister more nervous then he already was. “And what did she say?” 

You couldn’t help but raise your eyebrows at his response, “She admired your spirit, your grace.” More then one had the same reaction, you were sure quite a few number of unpleasant words were being kept out of his recount. 

“And then what?” Ser Alton hesitated, looking at the King in the North with a level of fear that both was unfounded for the situation, and somewhat filled you with pride at how easily Robb matched the reputation the south now painted of him. “If every man were held accountable for the actions of every distant relative, Ser Alton, we’d all hang.”

Swallowing, he spoke this time with a bit more ease. “She tore the paper in half, your grace.” 

“Is this meant to be your shield, Lord Stark? A piece of paper.” 

“She won’t care.” 

No, it wasn’t the fault of a distant cousin for her actions but you felt a pit in your gut that made you lightheaded for a moment. It didn’t matter if what Robb asked for was reasonable and right, it didn’t matter the same when it was you and his father and it wouldn’t matter now. Joffery was the King spouting the hateful and cruel actions, but he still hid behind his mother to do what he was too scared to do. 

Cersei wasn’t scared of insulting Robb Stark, but for all of what you expected Joffery yelled about, you suspected he indeed, was. 

Robb speaking calmly, “You’ve acted with honour. I thank you for it. Lord Karstark, see that Ser Alton’s pen is clear. And give him a hot supper.” 

Roose Bolton speaking up, “His pen is occupied, your grace. The prisoners from the Yellow Fork.” He shared a look with you as he whispered low enough for the Lannister not to hear, “Too many prisoners.” 

As you send a warning glare to watch his mouth, your eyes shifted down to the low growl of Grey Wind that caught his attention off guard. Your hand reached down, running your nails over his ears and letting the growl simmer back down as your eyes met with the nervous looks of Ser Alton. You didn’t blink as you ran your hand over the King’s Direwolf by your side. 

Southerners begun whispering that Robb’s men would eat the flesh of the slain along with packs of rabid wolves together and you had no doubt that is precisely what he’s heard. You wouldn’t call what Grey Wind does eating, but certainly the Lannister forces had found more the enough men torn to shreds by a great wolf that some level of fear was warranted. 

Robb addressing Lord Karstark, who didn’t share the same discontent about the prisoners and certainly not in the company of guests and council. “Have the men build him a new pen. But him in with the Kingslayer for now, and have your boy, Torrhen, watch over them.” 

You weren’t quite sure if giving Jaime Lannister company was a gift to the man who always had something to say, or an amusing punishment for Torrhen who would no doubt spent the night telling him to shut up as he had a new companion to talk at.   

As it was, Robb and yourself had set out with some fifty men at your backs including Brynden Tully and Maege and Dacey Mormont to ride up with you, a few at your heels and the some thirty rest of then all positioned around you away from sight. Robb had insisted they spare no chance, doing all he could to cover your back. After Renly, he refused to risk a thing.

The day was windy and a cool breeze fell over the small clearing you were at. Riding up early once your scout had noted where the opposite party were. The quiet among you all was anything but calm, your own heart raced as your eyes squinted in the sun. Your lungs were tight as you considered what you had agreed too. 

The last time you had seen your father was the day he sent you off with the late King’s company to Winterfell, an order and dismissal without any explanation as he left you to handle the lions alone. All without an understanding of why he wouldn’t just tell you himself, but so many secrets later and the man who actually treated you like a daughter lost his head for those secrets. 

He knew it all, and yet he let the war fall onto Robb to shoulder the burden. 

You all braced yourselves as figures appeared from the East, a small party of men on horseback and up to the front were three figures and you needn’t see their faces at all to know who you were looking at. 

On the right, was a figure you felt for. Ser Davos Seaworth, a good man with a sturdy head on his shoulders who saw no issue with telling things like it is without any pomp. Once a commoner from the streets of Flea Bottom, your father had cut off one hands fingers to the knuckle for his years of smuggling and then gave him a title and lordship and land for his rescue. 

Beside him sat Stannis Baratheon himself, his clothes and armour drab and his face hardened and stoic all too much like yourself. He sat tall on his horse but something in him looked more drained then you expected. Like something took a bit out of him and you told yourself to think not of Renly. Your father was a just man and Renly was his kin. Who had he become were it to be true?

But it wasn’t the stern face of Stannis that sent you shivering. On his left, a woman red from her hair to her feet like she was a symbol of fire, and yet as she rode up with the King you felt a cold sting in your lungs. You could barely remember the dreams that seemed to haunt you these nights, but what you did was the bitter cold, a penetrating dark. Figures tall with eyes blue as crystal. Flashes of spirals cut from men played onto the snow hit your eyes as she approached and you felt your heart stiffen. 

Robb could tell something was wrong, something was off with you in more then one way the past few days but he wasn’t so sure you realized much of it yourself. As Stannis Baratheon approached, you were still as a statue beside him, barley giving much indication you were indeed there by the small rise and fall of your chest. 

A fair few feet between you, Robb gave a polite nod to him, “Your Grace,” looking to the woman in red, with another, “My lady.” Whatever was true or not, Robb could see clearly the influence she had in the very way she held herself and such an unquestioned place beside the King. 

His voice was somehow exactly what Robb expected, flat and cold as it seemed detached from much of what gave people interest. He knew it all too well from you, the way you tended to carry yourself in from of his men was much the same. “Lord Stark, rather surprising to receive such a request from you.” 

None of his men said a word, he had already told them. He was here to negotiate a truce, not aggravate what was to be an already difficult opponent. “The Queen Regent and her son received a similar offer of peace terms.” 

“Offer of peace they would never extend to you in return, they have no claims to rule and yet they are at war with you. Peace is a mercy they do not deserve.” 

Robb could note that Stannis was clearly not directing attention towards you, nor was there anything affectionate in your hard stare towards him. Whatever issues he had with his mother now that he was King, he would take all of them over the unloving feeling between father and daughter. “It is, if they had the foresight to back down when the fight doesn’t need to be with my men.” 

You were better at reading people’s intentions quickly, and you’d know your father better then Robb could ever at the moment, but even he could tell what the response was going to be to this, but his own father taught his manners better then to ignore it. “I am sorry for the loss of your brother, your grace.” 

Stannis was quick to shut down what Robb already predicted. “I am too, but for the child he once was not the fool he grew up to be. He was a pretender, claiming what was rightfully mine and it seems he paid the price for it.” 

He could still remember the conflicted shock and hurt in your eyes at the news, and he turned slightly to indicate towards you. “Aye, but still your family. He was your brother, and my wife’s uncle and I know too well that loss hurts no matter what the cost.” 

Finally, he turned to look at you. There was slightly more of a peeking fondness then before, but it was none to be found in you. Robb could already tell the tensity in your muscles would leave you sore later, likely the anxiety in your chest causing you to bite at your tongue to ground yourself. Were you both not on horseback, Robb would have kept a gentle hand on you. Show you more care in just that, in front of a father who barley looked at you until now. 

Your name came off his lips, unemotional as you said and moved none back. “Interesting to find you willing to meet with me, after so blatantly betraying your duty at my side.” 

“Your side?” Your voice was tight, controlled to the point that Robb knew it had little air in your lungs behind it. Glancing from you to the party, he could see the man on the right, Ser Davos glance with much more of a regret that felt open. 

Stannis speaking almost like you were a child. “You are my daughter, which means your duty is at my side as I raised you.” 

“You raised me to do my duty, and then you married me off thinking it could secure you an ally in the North. Which means, now my place is by my King’s side. My duty is to the man I swore a vow to, in heart and battle.” The air between you both was tense, the others in Robb’s party could feel it and the pieces of why you were the way you were, painfully clear. 

His great uncle would remark on it later, but Brynden was surprised that having a father like that didn’t screw you up more. 

“I did not come here to fight, I came here to find any way to a truce. We have no need to be enemies when our true one is in the Lannisters. They’ve wronged us both, your grace.” Quiet for a moment, he told himself to keep tall and sure of himself. Most had spoken of Robb like he was a child, and yet it was his war to fight thus far. 

“You were wronged by the Lannisters for supporting my claim, and then you stole half my kingdom, and my own daughter from under me. The Iron Throne is mine, by right. All who deny that are my foes.” 

The anger in Robb grew more, you warned him your father would be stubborn but knowing and experiencing the hair pullingly frustrating feeling was something else. Call him biased, but at least Robb knew that talking to you was more productive then this, at least you gave him more then that of a stone wall. “The Iron Throne has only existed for three hundred years. The North had been a free, independent Kingdom for thousands of years before your throne’s very existence. My ancestor may have bent the knee to the Targaryeans and their dragonfire, but I am not him. I do not bend so easily.” 

“You think I’ll stand here and accept a broken Kingdom?” 

Your eyes narrowed as you found a more even voice. “Either you accept our independence now, and we help each other, or only cause more of an unsupported North to fight against later.” Stannis and you stared at the other for a heavy moment. 

In a single raise of his eyebrow, your father drolled out, “Your independence? You truly think yourself so highly that you can deny your duty as my daughter, that you can choose your destiny now?” 

Robb’s voice was low, and an air of possessive that was both dangerous and purposely unmistakable in tone. Much like that of wolf leading his pack, protecting his mate with bared teeth. “She is my wife, your grace. My Queen. Which means her destiny lies with me.” 

The silence was rigid. A contest of stares between the two Kings as your own gaze found that of the woman in red. Her voice was light, an accent one Robb was not familiar with with something about the air around her that made his hair stand uncomfortably on end. “If I may, my king,” Her attention guiding Stannis to her for a moment in a silent conversation before he nodded. 

Commanding her horse a few steps forward, “I have seen your fate, a destiny showed to me in the flames, princess.” The slight twitch in both Maege, Dacey, and Brynden were not noticeable enough to anyone, but Robb already knew that he was going to have a handful tonight to keep that from being a nickname thrown at you. 

You glanced at Robb, who was not okay with you going towards her on your own. His head catching that of Grey Wind who circled around the party to take closet steps towards you. The look on your fathers face a curious one, he had seen the direwolf. But the size of it, how silently Robb commanded it and how protective the wolf was as it approached you. It seemed to scratch at a curiosity in Stannis as well, that you did not think twice about the oddity of such protection of a creature that hadn’t before been seen seen south of the wall in centuries. 

Your horses approached the other, you were narrow eyed and paranoid where as she was easy feeling and not at all hesitant about coming close. Grey Wind did not growl as she came close but he stepped forward with a narrow in his own eyes. “Do you believe in the old powers?” 

Neither you nor Robb moved, but you both knew that something was at work that was not of the normal state of things. For either of you in your own ways. You didn’t speak of the nightmares, of the dreams and visions of the bitter mist, the sweeping cold, of blue eyes and a crying infant nor did you connect it to the visions of a lovers past that seemed to also show in the dreams you didn’t remember. 

“I’ve been told you are from Asshai, Lady Melisendre. I imagine preaching such a foreign religion to the people includes a lot of convincing people of the old powers. Most would think that isn’t an easy task, and yet here you stand so close by my fathers side.” She looked closely at you in quiet. 

“The King has seen the truth in flames shown by that of the Lord of Light. He is his chosen, a warrior born amidst salt and smoke. The red comet signalling a rebirth of power that will lead him to his true destiny. One that I have seen you in, princess.” 

To you, it was for a moment as if she could see the ice and blue eyes in your face before it all vanished in her next words as she looked to Robb. “The princess only has one destiny, your grace.” 

She was smart, quite smart. Using formality and a polite manner to endure her words to Robb yet who didn’t buy them. “You are not so far away from that fate, neither of you.” Her attention giving to Robb, who watched you closely before you moved your horse to trot backwards to his side.

Looking deep into your eyes with a pure look trying to find the same visions, it seemed she could see it in your eyes as she claimed in the flames. 

“Your fate does not lie here, princess. The Lord has shown me, you are destined to stand behind your father. The coming of a great war and you will only find your fate there. With your love, with the heart of your Great Wolf at your side, you will stand prosperous in such battles to come. A future written for you already, princess. Your Great Wolf to stand with you and your children together only if you accept the truth that your fate lies behind that of the Lord’s chosen.” 

If Robb felt possessive, then it seemed like you needed at least closeness to remind you of it as you seemed to have moved closer to him then before. “Forgive me, my lady but I didn’t come here to let you speak of magic and visions to my wife.” 

His attention towards Stannis now, “You have a battle to plan for and I do not wish to keep you from that as much as my own. Your daughter asks of you only what I am offering. A peace, we can help one another.”  

It was as if both parties were here for different people. Stannis Baratheon was here to discuss warfare and allegiances with Robb Stark, and yet it seemed like this Melisendre was here to convince you of something you didn’t even understand yet. “You give up this plight of independence, and we can have your peace. Or I will take it by force.” 

Robb was calm, voice deep and rough but with no ounce of doubt. “You mistake me. I’m not offering only a peace or surrender. I did not ask to be King anymore then you did, but we both are here to do our duties are we not?” 

None would know, but that stuck with the Iron fisted King. The rough justness of Robb Stark’s assurance that they are two Kings who do what they do because they must and there is no other option. 

In Stannis’s silence, Robb continued. “We have been dragged through the muck of your southern wars for far too long. The North will not have any seeking the Iron Throne for their King. Not now, and never again.” A pride rippled through that of the Northmen behind him. 

What was Robb fighting for if he gave up now, what did they see in him as a King if he gave up the only thing that truly united his people in centuries? He was fighting for them, for justice of a people that had been used and forgotten for as long as there one leader for seven Kingdoms. None knew the North like that with blood of the first men, and the Starks went as far back in this land before the Andals who sought to wipe them out and pushed the rest to freeze and die. 

“You agree to our terms, and we will help drive the Lannisters from these lands for good.” 

Stannis looked at the one they called The Young Wolf. An unruly sort of people the Northerners were, and yet it seemed they all worshipped the man in front of him. He married his daughter to him, and yet as he sat there he thought both, you were well suited to the Stark boy, and yet it also made you nothing more then a traitor to your own family. 

Renly was a traitor, and now you stood beside the King you chose instead of the one you were destined to stand beside. It was hard to see the future Melisendre told him of as he looked to the King in the North. This wolf was a leader, but Stannis did not seek a leader. He sought an ally and nothing more. 

Speaking loud and with clarity, Stannis looked in the eye of Robb as he spoke his own terms. “Your father lost his head in his support of my claim, and for that I will give you this one night to consider my terms. Strike your banners, come to me before dawn and I will grant you a pardon for your crimes. I’ll even name you my heir, until a son is born to me. Otherwise I shall destroy you.” 

Your voice was much of the name given to you, a Silent Stag but all could hear you loudly. “Think about what you’re giving up father. The north has a King, they will not have you.” 

“You think just calling yourself one truly makes him a King?” 

Raising your head high, looking your father harsh in the eye with no room for doubt. “No. I think his rule as a leader, and the kind of man he is on the inside, is what makes him King.” 

Stannis’s voice was rough. “We shall see. Come the dawn, we shall see.” 

Ser Davos had said nothing, not that you expected him too but the single nod towards you as he turned away on his own horse, you both felt it. If your father succeeded or failed in his coming siege towards Kings Landing, you at least hoped Davos made it through. 

You suppose you had a tendency to fight on the other side of those who didn’t deserve your ire. 

As they rode off, there was a quiet between you all before you spat out. “Can you believe, he loved me once.” No actually, no to all present that was indeed, quite hard to believe. You were the first to turn and ride off, Robb catching up quickly as did the rest follow suit. 

Even in all this, there was a plan to enact. Stannis could deny Robb’s offer of a truce and he would accept that, but it is hard to deny such an allegiance when the Baratheon could not take the Iron Throne without Robb’s help. 

“I’m amazed you turned out as normal as you did.” It was a quiet night, most didn’t say much when you made camp. Brynden realizing that you were far more quiet, more tense and sullen as no doubt things were raw in your heart and told the lot of them to leave the King and Queen be. That anyone would need quiet after dealing with a father like that. 

Robb sat next to you, his hand comfortingly across the back of your neck as he leaned his lips to press against your hair. You glanced up at him with far more anxiety then you wished as you cupped his cheek to find his lips for yourself. The kiss was deep, his tongue gently running across yours as if trying to coax you to let him handle your nerves for the night. He so easily made you pliable in his kiss that it took little effort to have you melt against him. 

Pulling back, he gently nudged your nose with his before sitting back to pull you down into his lap. His hand coming to run through your hair. You were not well, maybe too much was happening too fast and now you had images and words of this red woman running through your mind that it was making you dizzy. It was like the past few days your emotions were all over the place and you couldn’t stop it. 

What slipped from your mouth next was too, something you didn’t think about before saying it and once it was out there you hoped it didn’t ruin anything. “Have you thought about it, children that is?” 

Robb didn’t stop his hands from combing through your hair, looking down he could see your brow furrowed as you sat annoyed with yourself. “As long as they’re with you.” Sitting up straighter you looked at him with a flat expression as he breathed a laugh. “Do you think that’s a joke? Or have I not proved myself enough?” 

Breaking a tiny smirk, you rested your head on his shoulder. “Only that wolves apparently have an appetite more demanding then any other.” 

Robb spoke low into your ear, “Is it what she said that you’re thinking of? About our children?” You nodded but didn’t move or say anything else. Robb relenting to pull you down with him, laid out across his chest as he lay flat. “I won’t lie. I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought about it most nights since our first together.” 

You sighed out as he wrapped his arms warmly around you. You were losing it, truly. Since when were you so needy for Robb’s touch? “From what I remember you thought about a whole lot that night.” 

Smirking at the thought he nodded. “A man would have to be be delusional to not want to see how pretty you look with a baby in you.” He laughed when you rolled your eyes. 

Biting your lip before sitting up, you straddled his lap, Robb’s hands coming to your hips as he looked up at you. “I had a dream about it once.” His brows furrowed in question as you shrugged. “It was many moons ago, I don’t remember much else. But I know I was holding a baby in my arms.” You smiled to yourself, a soft look that was far away trying to recall it. “They had my eyes, but a head of pretty dark curls as he smiled up at me.” You laughed to yourself, “Definitely took after your Stark side more then Tully. If he’s lucky he’d grow to have your handsome looks instead of mine as well.” 

Robb muttering out a protest as he lightly smacked at your ass. “It better be a boy, because if it’s a girl with your looks I’ll be spending the rest of my life chasing off boys then running the North.” You ran your hand gently through his curls, it looked much darker these days like more you lost the summer sun the more the way it highlighted tints of red in it’s direct path went away. “What did we name him?” 

Your face twisted in an amused question as he repeated. “Our dark curly haired boy in your dream, what did we name him?” 

You had a few ideas, some made more sense then others especially as certain events transpired as you lightly scratched at his facial hair. “I didn’t get that far in the dream, but I have plenty of options.” 

“Been thinking about that a lot?” You smiled as you looked away with a flush. “Good, because I’ll give my pretty wife as many children as you have names for.” 

As Robb leaned up to press his lips to yours, that strange feeling of need sparked in your belly once more and it was beginning to be harder to ignore. The idea hadn’t occurred to you before, but as you lay there, Robb’s lips firmly against yours? 

You thought of that curly haired child in one dream at the same time you also recalled the crying of a baby in the darkness and freezing cold of another. 

Across the lands, the one person who truly was stuck trudging through that dark and cold found himself dreaming of the same thing, only he knew what the crying infant was and it haunted him as much as the dreams of you were. 

[heavysass]

as much as i generally like the new reaper-sojourn interaction, as it is nice getting any ties of chase to the og overwatch team and knowing reyes had friends even when his reputation was on its lowest, it also makes the thing they are hellbent on avoiding so much more noticeable

why is one of overwatch's most notable critics, and in that probably one of the biggest haters of blackwatch and their deals, the one offering comfort to the worst offender? and not, you know, his best friend? one of the very few who are actively worried about him as far as current canon lore tells us? at least his protégé who is due to an actual confrontation with him? tbh /to me/ this interaction feels like it could've worked better with anyone else from the strike team, but exposition on why gabriel went to talon concerns jack and cassidy above all else

it genuinely is so strange seeing how connected characters all have something to say to each other even in the non-canon limbo that is in game interactions, but the gabriel-jack bond, which is one of the actual bases of the whole story, and which often shows up when these two are concerned in the extra lore content because it is pretty unavoidable to their characters, seems to be actively glossed over in game /where it actually matters/. they have mean rivalry kill chatter against each other and that is it. all you get is the knowledge soldier 76 is actively following reaper now, no reasons beyond taking talon down. if your only contact with overwatch is what is currently in game and the famous cinematics you could never guess their importance to each other's build up, when every other iconic duo, as ow is obsessed with yin-yang types, has at least some solid nods going on (sounds silly to people who care about any of this, but go check any lore explanation video comment section on youtube and see how many casuals are only vaguely aware of the lore through in game interactions and second hand word)

(it is awkward, since we are getting these little but thoughtful interactions scrapped off pve recently to half the cast. even OW1 never quite delivered anything big about their past but they had their familiarity. and i mean, they did talk to each other at least)

........on the other hand, that interaction is also fascinating because it makes code of violence even more of a bizarre tipping point. gabriel's, and not reaper's, aknowledgement of vivian's support and worry makes his choice of abandoning his friends, his family, his goddamn small child, to play a violent assassin terrorist so funny. this dialogue puts it quite plainly, it was an active choice. they keep painting him as more of a massive asshole or a complete rancorous dumbass with every new personal lore drop, the contrast to what we believed (or knew, before the change of writing direction) of noble gabriel reyes in the golden era up to retribution is almost surreal

[lizaluvsthis]

To love and what-not?

-New fixation because I said so-

I am now having thoughts if Smg4 either is having a hard time for himself and with the fact that also involves smg3 by his side. And maybe trying to keep their friendship stable and not going beyond that line?

Smg4 is really REALLY trying hard to keep his attachment with other people work out fine. Ever since after the arc he still can recall "who knew you could play an antagonist so well!"

He had scars healed right after his arc from IGBP which was the one we had seen it worst, but coming to him realizing about PV who has been the one behind all of that?

Man it sucks. He had every right to be angry and bash that TV's head up to the sky.

Because he thought to himself that he's already the worst from all of his friends, so what else there is to try and fix even tho it's all been damaged?

But ofcourse smg4 didn't know that it wasn't his fault- it was PV's fault. But since it's hard to believe it- he let pride and enviness consume him to get what he ever wanted.

This causes four to back up for a bit because he doesn't trust himself for being open due to those things he and his friends went through because of one simple mistake. (Nice- butterfly effect)

He may hide that from us but we've seen him hurt plenty of times, like how he hides it.

Wondering if he's that oblivious enough or he already knows due to three being a tsundere when he's around. What if right after that search history he had from "what does a tsundere mean?" Maybe him finding out three has a crush on him?

Maybe it worries him that he might hurt three even more because of his struggles so that he casually plays it off as friends.

Maybe this is more than just saying no? Even tho they're cosmical partners they're in a mutual bond. Because last time we've seen for Smg3 he never took a shower.

(Meaning he might had that possibility due to his fall of depression getting a bit worse that he didnt even bothered to take care of his own body)

Since our boys are not healthy at their physical and mental state- I am a hundred percent sure that they're still dealing with their own problems still so it takes them for a while.

Maybe in a coupls of seasons? When will this be canon? No one knows, maybe because it's "not their time" yet.

Not just yet they're not. But maybe just maybe.

Since three is his friend he meant so much already and he doesnt want to lose him too. And three doesn't want as well as for just "crushing on him" because of his decisions.

Three doesn't want to make it obvious which he wasnt sure but to four I think he's to oblivious to know but there mightve been a possible chance he DOES know but doesnt say anything about it.

And maybe if so he doesnt want to tell four just yet to find the right time that he does and probably wont even at all anytime soon thinking it'll pass.

Just saying SMG3 fell first, but SMG4 fell harder.

And three just wanting to just pull out that "if we're in good conditions I'll just wait for the time until he does it first. For now I'm not gonna mention anything" BECAUSE THREE DOESNT LIKE TO RUIN THIS BOND BETWEEN HIM AND HIS CLOSE FRIEND-

two of them have been through SO MUCH- you can even tell out much of a person SMG4 is like to lose a friend that meant everything to him. (Adds to the point he saved THREE back when a baby just TOOK him away)

Like how the comparisson faced over to three seeing four get taken away, he didn't even hesitate to get him back he LITERALLY CAME BACK FOR HIM

and to four seeing three GETTING TAKEN AWAY- you know what he did? The same exact thing. HE CAME BACK FOR HIS FRIEND. AND NEVER SAID ANYTHING BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO EVEN SAY- (left from more dialogues three just says to four then a "baka" at the end-)

Maybe four is new to this feeling? Of what it feels like to save a friend? Maybe its more than that? Maybe its how he remembered that time when three was the one who saved HIM without hesitation during igbp.

Maybe his head wasnt responding correctly because he had been constantly staring at SMG3 while he speaks- maybe he's been sent with mixed feelings? Mixed signals? Between the two?

I just- I just UGRGHHHHHH THE URGE...

[escapetothelake]

dale & robert for the ship asks?

thanks for the ask!! i had so much fun writing this :) some of it isn't exactly canon compliant, and therefore it's kind of a happier au

who made the first move: robert was pretty aloof with dale at first, and of course, the earliest interactions they had involved dale arresting robert, which doesn't make for a good first impression. however, dale was still kind to/patient with robert, and genuinely wanted to help him figure out what happened to laura. after robert published false accusations, dale read it and decided to meet up with robert, where they got to talking, so i guess you could say it was dale.

who kissed who first: robert did, in a moment of passion.

who started the relationship: oh boy. both of these guys have intimacy issues, so this would be quite the slowburn. despite being a pretty amicable guy, dale kind of distances himself from getting too close to people due to his trauma. robert is more open to it, but still reluctant due to the rough ending of his relationship with laura. i could see robert initiating once dale's put himself out there.

who remembers things: robert keeps a calendar and notes to help him remember things. as busy as he is, dale never forgets the important things, but sometimes trivial things slip his mind. for instance, despite liking to be prepared for whatever he may encounter, he often forgets items as he leaves the house.

nicknames for each other: dale calls robert "bob" or "rob" on a casual basis, but "honey" or "sweetheart" in private. robert often calls dale "detective", "darling", or "my guy".

who is more likely to pay for dinner: dale makes bank as a detective. robert was unemployed for a while, but some time after he published false accusations, he decided to become a full-time author. therefore, dale paid most of the time in the beginning of the relationship, and it continues to be that way, especially because robert does many of the household tasks.

who normally cooks: dale's mother taught him some nice recipes, but cooking often brings back sad memories of her. robert likes to cook, so he usually does it.

who remembers anniversaries: robert, with the help of his calendar. dale also always remembers (though sometimes at the last minute).

what would they get each other for gifts: robert's more of an acts of service kind of guy, so many of his gifts are doing things that make dale's life easier. if he wants to get an easy material gift, he can spring for some good coffee, fancy cigars, or a new shaving kit. dale's more of a gift giver, and he likes to take robert out for a drink or get him a new book. sometimes he'll bring home food or flowers.

most trivial thing they fight over: robert drinking milk straight from the carton. he forgets he's not single sometimes.

how often do they fight: not very often—they're usually both pretty chill—but that doesn't mean they don't fight. most of the fights are caused by dale not caring for himself, dale's alcoholism, and their mutual anxieties over various things. due to their trauma, both feel a need for control, which can also create conflict.

who uses all the hot water: both are used to taking quick showers because they have to get up for work, but robert loves a nice long bath every once and a while.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: dale. detective work has made him great at talking with people on a professional basis. of course, he has to make the call before robert tries to fix it himself and gets injured.

who leaves their stuff around: dale tries to be tidy, but when he gets very invested in a case, this often goes out the window. robert used to be very messy, especially after his breakup with laura, but being at the facility taught him that a clear space is a clear head.

who remembers to buy the milk: if dale's out, he'll do it. sometimes robert drinks straight from the carton. it drives dale bonkers.

who controls the netflix queue: robert watches more tv, but dale really enjoys putting his feet up and enjoying a nice documentary after a long day. i'd say both.

who steals the covers at night: robert usually sleeps perfectly still. dale likes to hold the blankets as though they're a person, often bunching them up and hugging them in his sleep, which leaves robert bare sometimes in the middle of the night. he runs a bit hot, though, so he doesn't mind all that much.

who cusses more: i think dale would, oddly enough. mostly when he's frustrated.

who does most of the cleaning: robert.

what’s their favorite non-sexual activity: relaxing at home. sometimes they just cuddle on the couch and read together.

who’s the cuddler: robert. he's a huge romantic. dale doesn't often initiate cuddles, but i'd say he needs them a little more.

who’s the big spoon/little spoon: big - robert; little - dale. that's often how it goes, but they switch from time to time depending on who needs to be held at the moment.

who’s more dominant: they're both switches imo

who is the dirty talker: robert does it more, but dale... that voice... 😳

what do they do when they’re away from each other: robert has separation anxiety, but he copes with it by doing mundane household tasks, going for walks, or writing. dale.. also has separation anxiety.. but he deals with it by sinking himself into his work.

what would they do if the other one was hurt: dale has anxiety regarding injuries, but he knows minimal first aid due to his job, and can therefore keep a level head when he focuses on doing that. robert would also panic, but i see him as a very protective individual who would stop at nothing to ensure dale's safety.

a headcanon: dale often gets very wrapped up in his work, and therefore sometimes forgets to take care of himself in basic ways, even such as eating and drinking (beyond pot after pot of coffee). after extensive therapy, robert learned to care for himself, and he sometimes imparts this knowledge onto dale. however, telling him "you need to get some rest" doesn't always work, and can even frustrate dale sometimes ("these cases aren't going to solve themselves, robert"), so robert chooses to care for him in more subtle ways. when he left the facility, he decided to preoccupy himself with new wholesome activities such as cooking and cleaning, and he utilizes these skills to keep dale's space clean and bring him a warm sandwich when he's up late at night. these efforts certainly do not go unappreciated.

[bananami]

haikyuu characters as taylor swift songs (the break ups)

a/n: time-skip canonically exists and that's what i'm clearly using

in honor of the eras tour starting up, here are some t swift songs that would encapsulate what a break up with certain haikyuu characters would look like; i only did a few because this shit took some tiiiime ok

i'm gonna hurt myself with this one.

masterlist

would've, could've, should've

"god rest my soul, i miss who i used to be" "give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" "and now that i'm grown i'm scared of ghosts, memories feel like weapons, and now that i know, i wish you'd left me wondering"

the effects of a break up with him lasts longer than you would like, following you for months after and even into the relationships you try to have afterwards. everything reminds you of him. if loving him meant you were left feeling like this, you would've rather never loved him at all. the break up with him literally breaks you.

-oikawa, atsumu, suna

midnight rain

"he wanted it comfortable, i wanted that pain" "i broke his heart 'cause he was nice, he was sunshine, i was midnight rain" "and he never thinks of me"

you're the problem. he was the nice guy that you should've chose, but you didn't. years of bad relationships had scarred you for the worse. the problem was that he was perfect, too perfect, and you were broken. better to run while you still had the chance, you convince yourself it was inevitable and he was just too nice to end things. you would ruin it for the both of you, he would find better.

-hinata, bokuto, suga

cardigan

"you drew stars around my scars, but not i'm bleeding" "i knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss, i knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs" "i knew i'd curse you for the longest time...i knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired" "i knew you'd come back to me"

it's a constant game of back and forth that you grew sick of. you were done being a second choice. there are a lot of regrets after the break up, but you get over it faster than he does. it takes longer for him to realize it, and by that time, you've moved on. he's texting you, begging you to take him back, blowing up your phone with voicemails, sending flowers to your work. eventually you block him. you still love him, but you choose yourself this time.

-osamu, ushijima, kageyama

exile

"i think i've seen this film before, and i didn't like the ending, you're not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending now" "i can see you staring honey, like he's just your understudy" "you never gave a warning sign (i gave so many signs)"

the fallout is slow, you've fought and broken up so many times recently that it's no surprise this last time. what is surprising is when he sees you with someone new, looking happier than you ever did with him. he thought it was like every other time, he thought you'd get back together. the confusion on his face is clear, the anger is quick. how could he have missed the resentment growing within you? he'd never stop trying to come back into your life. sometimes you'd let him back in. every time, you'd regret it.

-kenma, akaashi, kita

all too well

"you kept me like a secret, but i kept you like an oath" "maybe we got lost in translation, maybe i asked for too much, maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up" "you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest"

it's perfect until it's not. the worst are the conversations toward the end of it all. he's hurting you, but he won't let you go, sacrificing your happiness for his comfort in a dead relationship. you cry loaded tears and he makes barren promises. the break up isn't even the end of it. you can't escape him, having to share your friends with one another and working so close to each other. you want so badly to be over him, but the wound rips open at every reminder of his constant presence in your life. he won't let you go completely, but he won't ever love you the way you deserve.

-kuroo, iwaizumi, sakusa

[cadybear420]

Rating, Replacements, and Additions for LI Wardrobes: Aiden Zhou, OG HSS Book 1

Sort of a spinoff of my Cadybear's MC Wardrobes series, I've decided to do a similar thing for some LI wardrobes. The wardrobes for LIs tend to be very limited compared to that of MCs, so a large portion of this series will be dedicated to making new outfits for LIs in events where MC gets to have a new outfit, or any special events.

First up is the one and only Aiden Zhou!!! I'll be submitting this for @aidenzhouappreciationweek! For the Day 2 Prompt Fashion/Design!

Directory for the other parts will be included in the reblogs after I've completed the posts for all books!

Canon Outfit: Fall Casual

A simple but distinguished and iconic outfit. It suits him.

Verdict: Keep it as is.

Event: Brian's pool party

Even though MC does get a premium outfit for this event, the f!MC outfit is one I really don't like for Evie. And even with the replacement I made for her, I think she'd possibly wanna wear her casual outfit. So I guess I don't feel too much of a need to give the LIs their own outfits too.

And frankly, given Aiden's general lack of interest in the party, I think he'd wear his regular casual outfit as well.

Then again, I can also see Ezra (and Myra) convincing him to wear something nice. And MC still has a nice outfit option, even if I don't purchase it. So...

I can maybe see him wearing this. It's not exactly pool party material, but it is something I think would be his style for a big high school party at this point in his arc.

Bonus: Alteration of said outfit that he might try out in later parties.

Or, heck, knowing Myra and Ezra, they'd probably try to doll him up like this at Brian's party as a sort of a "confidence boost". Myra ties the shirt up, and Ezra gives him the belly chain. IDK if I'll make that my personal canon, but it is cute to think about.

Of course... because I like the f!MC premium outfit sooooooo much better on him than on the actual f!MC... I will treat you all to this edit again hehe

:DDDDDDDD

Canon Outfit: Swimsuit

Putting pajama pants basketball shorts lookin ass swimtrunks on such a lovely character like Aiden should be considered a violation of the Geneva Convention. Especially ones with such a clunky eyesore of a pattern. No lie, one of my friends even said it looked like the Straight Pride flag, and... when your outfit can be compared to THAT, I think that's a sign that ya fucked up!

Seriously, how did PB expect us to take either of the response options "Whoa, you look HOT!" and "That's a nice swimsuit!" seriously for this, or any of the male LIs???? Emma and Maria get swimsuits that could actually warrant either of those reactions. Put in that effort for the male LIs.

Verdict: BURN IT LIKE IN ONE OF THOSE 70S FEMINIST BRA BURNINGS

Here's the swimsuit I made for him instead. "Buhbuhbuht Caydeeh, Aiden is very shy and insecure and awkward so it's uhnreuhlistick for him to wear a speeeedohhh-" Emma is also shy and insecure and awkward, and she wore a little bikini. Don't tell me only now you're starting to care about character outfit realism.

And anyways, I made this one a more simple shape/design than the first design I made (as seen below) that had hip slits. I feel like that counts for something at least lol.

This here is his swimsuit for later events. Plus, the first swimsuit with the jewelry.

Canon Outfit: Marching Band Uniform

God he looks so precious in this outfit and I don't know why. The top is stylish, the pants are sleek, and the gloves are cute for some reason. IDK why but I think they're cute. This outfit is both cunt and cute at the same time. Because Aiden is both cunt and cute.

Oh and you knowwww Evie loves to check out how his derriere looks in this outfit. I mean she does that with all his outfits, but especially with this one.

Verdict: Keep it as is.

Event: Pep Rally

Regardless of whether or not I have Evie wear any of the Tiger mascot suits, Aiden doesn't really need to have a new outfit. Maybe later though, I might edit him into that Berry High t-shirt that we can throw at him if we wear the Tiger costume.

Event: The Hearst Heist

I'm not planning on having Evie disguise for this, so there's no point in doing it for anyone else. Then again, I still think it's stupid that MC is the only one they want to wear a disguise. Then again, IDK how to disguise him. Evie would get Max's jacket to be the fake Hearst jock, and Julian should get the cheer uniform to be the fake Hearst cheerleader. So there isn't exactly much for the rest of the gang to wear.

Then again, who doesn't wanna see Aiden as a fake Hearst cheerleader? I mean, just look how cute he is!

Max Warren's repressed bisexual ass would totally swoon over this (and let's be real, he totally was checking Aiden out when he dared him to take his shirt off in that one scene in Book 3).

Event: Homecoming Parade

Even though Aiden isn't a nominee for homecoming court (even though he really should be one), I still think Myra would want them both to wear school spirit tank tops. Editing the CG for this outfit will be tricky though.

Canon Outfit: Homecoming

If your response to Aiden when you first see him in his suit is "That suit is pretty okay", he takes OFFENSE to that crappy compliment. As he should, because he looks so damn good in this outfit (and also because he deserves all the praise and compliments). The touches of powder blue are especially nice. Worship this mofo or don't even bother.

Verdict: Keep it as is.

[verdemoun]

If it hasn’t been mentioned before how did Sadie die in the canon timeline before getting timewarped and how was Jake found? I think they are super interesting considering how they weren’t even married for 3 years yet before the events of the first mission (they were married in September and the game starts in May) Also another random question but did any of the gang bond over the different instruments they played (ex Sadie-Harmonica, Pearson-Accordion, or Javier-Guitar) and speaking of Javier did he ever learn electric guitar? [Sorry if my bombarding you with questions is annoying or overwhelming I’m just very hyper fixated on Rdr2 and love this au <3 /lh/pos]

pls never apologise i love asks my inbox is officially empty again rip so to all pls feel free to send any more questions about timewarp or my general rdr2 addled brain.

Sadie makes me so sad esp in the epilogue she literally makes the comment i wanna die like she is such an incredible character but she is so defeated by losing her husband, and then finding the gang only to lose them as well. After Micah's death she didn't even have revenge to live for. Also being at John and Abigail's wedding? As beautiful as the day was and as happy as she was for them, being reminded of her own wedding, everything she lost, how much she loved her husband. I think that the passive suicidality/recklessness she was putting into bounty hunting would've caught up with her really quickly and she was shot and killed by some unknown outlaw she was trying to bring in no later than 1908.

Jake bless was very much not someone anyone thought to look for fortunately with living with Sadie in such an isolated area he's a proper survivalist and just lived camping on public land doing odd jobs like farm work where he could to earn some cash for basic necessities and was just rolling with it. He's very laid back go with the flow type guy who was not nearly as panicked about waking up in modern era as he should have been.

It's completely stupid how they ran into Jake Adler. The gang were in public talking too loud about 1899 and he casually walked up to them like oh hi were you guys also magically teleported 100 years into the future after dying??

Kieran was terrified of Jake and expected some sort of retribution for being an O'Driscoll like literally shuffling to hide behind other members of the gang terrified but they actually ended up being besties because Jake knows loads about gardening and homesteading and they got to bond over 'fuck Colm O'Driscoll' and just being gentle souls they vibe so well.

Gets a new cabin away from everything and starts rebuilding his homesteading life so everything is perfect for when Sadie comes back.

It's so obvious how Jake and Sadie's dynamic worked the second they met Jake Adler. He is the sweetest, most disgustingly soft man to ever exist. He has bi wife energy. If he had survived instead of Sadie, he would not have made it in the gang. He gets emotional over the idea of using pesticides to keep bugs off his tomatoes. He is malewife extraordinaire and cries at least once a week about missing his wife who he is nauseatingly in love with.

He went with them to get Sadie obviously and the gang were a little nervous how he would respond to bounty hunter more ghost than people living weapon that is the Sadie Adler they knew? Plus this is post Micah's death so they heard ALL about that as well. Sadie Adler is terrifying. How could such a delicate marshmallow man handle it?

It is immediately very obvious that that's just Sadie's personality. It is exaggerated but very much just how she's always been she could say the most threatening violent comment with the coldest scowl and Jake's just there like wow that's my wife isn't she amazing <3 <3 <3

He is not at all surprised she became a bounty hunter and murderer she was always capable of it he just asked her nicely not to kill people so she didn't but she was always that one thing away from becoming the woman we know and love. Also how quickly Sadie goes from cold scowl to smiling affectionately kissing her husband like he is her squishy soft rock.

Also Sadie is very much bisexual being in a relationship with a man does not erase that Jake has always known and is very supportive every night he gives thanks to the women who fumbled Sadie Adler so he could marry her. Gender roles are not welcome in their relationship hell gender as a concept doesn't belong in their relationship they both wear skirts on hot days and Jake wears lipstick more often than Sadie does. Sadie pegs.

She met him at the stables he was working at, picked him up like a stray cat and said we're married now. She proposed to him and he cried. Finding someone who complimented her in every way was a once in a million and she never moved on from that. He enjoys the domestic chores she loathes, never questions or raises an eyebrow at her wearing pants or wielding a gun. Both of them happy to move into the middle of no where because neither one of them wanted their dynamic being scrutinized like they are happy being in their own world regardless of era.

The gang are still in awe of how well they balance each other out. There was divine intervention in them being so perfectly made for each other let alone finding each other in canon era it's so much clearer how they seemed so lost and distraught being apart. Why Sadie was still mourning and talking about Jake in 1907 when she had lost him for longer than she'd known him at that point. Two people could not be more perfect for each other.

SECOND POINT

Sadie starts playing harmonica again now that she has her Jakey back. And Jake, who in a similar way stopped playing when he didn't have his Sadie his amore, gets another violin (this is a hc that I will die defending let him play fiddle while Sadie's on harmonica little homesteading country music losers). Charles also plays harmonica and it is very 'same hat!!' when they realize. Teach each other songs too.

Javier plays around with electric guitar but is an acoustic purist, but because Isaac plays electric guitar they have great little jam sessions together. Javier loves having someone who asks questions and wants to learn guitar like Isaac is pretty good by the time 1911 gang arrive but he is so happy to also have someone who likes guitar as much as he does and he can learn from. Rip Isaac's friends trying to keep up 'hey you up for crime this afternoon' 'no sorry i'm going to go play guitar with my stoner mexican uncle. his autistic boyfriend who is also a stoner is making soda bread!'

Uncle gets a banjo again and also a ukulele because he thinks they look goofy.

Also Sean plays jaw harp? Fun character fact. Lenny also forgets this fact and can be found walking around the house looking for whatever bug is making that weird buzzing noise and turns out Sean couldn't sleep and was just boinging along with his jaw harp.

Gang bonfire nights go wild on the jam sessions. Little southern orchestra with the banjo, two harmonicas, a fiddle, a jaw harp and guitars all going.

[hakucho-art]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

question: what r three things you like about ur art? and what is ur current fav art piece of urs? <3

also bonus touken headcanon: they’re in their married era, but still new relationship, and while they’ve more comfortable — kaneki still seems hesitant sometimes when he reaches to her, in initiating any sort of skin ship, like he’s unsure of howwhen. Touka finds it endearing and kind of laughable considering they just had a blow ur mind sex like an hour ago, but here kaneki is looking so unsure of how to put his arms around her shoulders. This man is ridiculous. God she loves him.

But sometimes — he catches her completely off guard. They’re were doing smth… idk, making coffee??? And Kaneki makes this voice pitched with alarm and touka bends over to see him fumbling with this amateur thing she KNOWS he can do with his eyes closed and is like wow… Kaneki??? Did you get off the bed on the wrong side???? What is wrong with you. But it turns out it was all a plot for her to give him a cheek kiss without her knowing.

Touka blinks, as she just registers where her lips where and looks up at kaneki who has this big silly smile that says “gotcha” and gives her butterfly in stomach…

URGH I LOVE THEM… they’re so cute (also forgive me if this is out of character. I am out of touch)

You're out of touch... I'm out of tiiiime....

THANK YOU BELOVED AHHHH 💕💕💕

OKI OKI, first the questions sjdvjw

Three things I like about my art

Hmmmm lately I've been feeling more happy with my coloring! I feel like finally I've kind of understood what I'm doing and feel more experienced with it. I also like how my sketches look, sketching is always my favorite part and making some cleaned sketches with pencil again has been really nice uwu. And I like how I draw faces! Lately they have been more simplistic but generally, I do like them.

Your favorite art piece?

UHHH, actually a piece for a zine so I cant post it here yet but my current favorite touken piece of mine are these two (because im indecisive)

The left one because for once I properly colored them (usually I get lazy with my touken pieces since theyre very indulgent wjvdjwhd) and the other because I adore the style there a lot, especially how kaneki looks🥺 definitely want to try using it more!

NOW TO YOUR SWEET HEADCANON AHHHH, you never disappoint with the touken fluff wjvdjwvdjwvdhwh♥️♥️😭

FIRST OF ALL, mischievous kaneki is ADORABLE and we need more of him. Here and there he can be a little tricksy, especially when he wants to get back to touka because she so often does little pranks and messes with him hehe

Kaneki not knowing how to approach casual intimacy while they fuck everyday is so funny and canon 😭💕 touka is just as ridiculous, kaneki calls her cute and she gets a massive blush as if they havent been dating for MONTHS.

Also, I didnt fully understand the last part. So kaneki tricked her into giving him a cheek kiss or did kaneki give her a cheek kiss 👀 either way, its adorable because kaneki making silly little pranks that are basically just kisses and snuggles orz. Kill me with the fluff, HELP. Touka feeling a little Bad because his pranks are so innocent and loving while he suffers a little when she pranks him JWVJDDVJD

[earlgreytea68]

hi there! i just wanted to say that i love your peterick fics so much! i'm new to the fandom and i kinda binged them in three weeks. it was glorious! also i have a tiny question: did pete actually called patrick "trick" anywhere or is it just a fandom thing? (sorry if it was already answered a million times, i've just never heard it in the interviews i've seen, and i adore this nickname and want it to be canon so much!)

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed!

And. re: the Trick nickname. lol. Sadly, I have never seen any evidence Pete has ever canonically called him Trick, anywhere haha. The idea of Pete calling him Trick and other nicknames was a piece of fanon that I picked up on when I joined the fandom and added into my fics. I had come from a fandom where nicknames were huge (Inception) and so it felt very familiar. But I have never actually heard Pete call him Trick. At least the other outrageous nicknames Pete often has for him in fic (Lunchbox, Cookie jar, etc.) come from Pete answering a question about Patrick's nicknames at one point:

so there's at least a little canon behind that, even though I'm pretty sure the whole thing was a joke, as Patrick says:

So I don't think, alas, that we have any actual canon of Pete ever calling Patrick "Trick," delightful though it is. I think Patrick says in a couple of interviews that his family calls him "Rick" for short, but I've only ever heard Pete call him "Patrick." (I know that there is some thought that he called him "Stump" during one of the riffs with Patrick. The way I heard that sentence, Pete said to the crowd, "Are you feeling alright still?" and then turned to Patrick, and I thought he said, "How about you? Are you feeling alright still?" But it's true that he mumbles it a bit so he could be calling him "Stump." But that doesn't come up very often, either. Pete really generally seems to call him Patrick.)

ALL THAT SAID, as Patrick's tweet above indicates, all of the canon tells us that it's Patrick who will call Pete by pet names on occasion. He has canonically called him "Wentz" pretty casually several times, as if he does it fairly often, and I think he's now called him "Peter" in playful consternation a couple of times as well. So we got it all wrong, it's Patrick who's big into pet names for Pete and Pete just goes with "Patrick" all the time.

I'm not going to change my Pete's penchant for calling him Trick in my fics, because I'm fond of it by now and because fanon counts and because it does feel right within the realm of the fic (although I do think I started adding Patrick nicknaming Pete more often once I realized how often he does it). But, at the same time, I have decided that there's something really charming to me, the way Pete says Patrick's name. I don't know that I've heard any other name out of Pete's mouth as often as I've heard him say "Patrick," it feels like he says it a lot, and he says it really nicely every time, I'm very fond of it (I bet Patrick is, too. Especially if his family calls him Rick often, then it actually makes it something special that Pete always calls him Patrick and probably did it from the moment he met him as a teenager still living at home.)

[wedriftlikelonelyplanets]

I went down through your landoscar verse tag which has too many letters to remember, and then went and reread them on AO3... (Is the second chapter of the part where they talk more coming soon? 🥹)

But also I was wondering, how did they start out??? You've written they've had sex, but more gentle and normal and then Oscar offers himself up... Did he also get spacey before that? How did they know they are both kinky (and compatible in that sense) but also haven't really talked about it before. When and with who did Oscar learn he's subby? How did Lando??? What's the backstory!?

GOD okay okay okay I have a concert to go to but I'm done making myself presentable bc I'm too tired to put in too much effort.

First things first, I am working on the second chapter. Unfortunately, it's very much become a demand avoidance thing because I have ADHD and Autism and people have been chronically asking me for a new chapter and while I love and appreciate people for wanting more, it's really gotten me in my own head about things. So i'm working, just slowly.

Some of this stuff is actually touched on in Chapter 2, and I thought I'd put it in Chapter 1 and then realized it's just been buzzing around in my head and on paper, and was like "whoopsies"

Essentially, in my headcanon for this verse, after Oscar moves to Monaco, him and Lando start to spend more time together, they go on a few dates, they hook up a bit, and they're like "yeah okay we can get behind this"

It's convenient because they're teammates, they kind of fool around and start to figure out what the other likes. At some point in that, Oscar probably won't really get spacey, but he'll probably talk a little bit with Lando about not minding giving up control, and letting Lando take that control and stuff, but it's never really been a formal dialogue. There's a reason I heavily stress that it is very under-negotiated in all the fics.

While they're engaging in the "casual" sex hellscape with each other, I definitely imagine that they've had some conversations about what Oscar likes, and what Lando likes, but not like...to the extent that really they should be to be participating in some of their kinks. I think I've talked a lot about like...Lando often feels out of control, and likes to use his dominance as a way to feel more in control, and Oscar feels very in control a lot of the time, and likes to be able to give that up. Before the events of "telling me that i gotta behave now" they definitely would've played around a bit with Lando being a bit more controlling, but nothing like...serious.

Very specifically, they don't ever actually discuss kink compatibility until "I'm so Lonely." For both of them, it's a lot of learning a lot about each other in a very short period of time. Along with that, it's Lando and Oscar both trusting each other to know that they would use safe words if either of them felt uncomfortable, or uninterested in something that was happening. Canonically, in this verse specifically, because they're teammates they already have a certain level of trust in one another, so both of them feel the comfortability to be honest about this.

Again, there's a reason I heavily mention the under-negotiated kink.

Oscar learned that he was at least a little subby with an ex-girlfriend. I'll give you a snippet because I'm feeling magnanimous.

It was nice, with his last girlfriend, when she was a little bossy, told him exactly how she wanted it, tugged his hair to get him to the right place, and wouldn’t suck him off or get him off if she didn’t feel like it. But it wasn’t like this. There’s something that he gets with Lando that he’s never gotten with any of them.

And very specifically, the conversation with Lando and Oscar at the beginning of everything ("casual" sex) likely went "You can tell me what to do, I don't mind" from Oscar to Lando, and Lando filing it away in the back of his brain.

And again, as I mentioned above, Lando really figured that he was a little more dominant because of control issues blah blah blah. (Sorry I've very specifically talked about this a lot with a lot of people this week, because I'm currently writing a fic in this verse with top Oscar). He just didn't really realize how much he loved it until he met Oscar.

And as is the nature with sex and sexuality and bdsm and relationships, things are always morphing and changing. The dynamic of top Lando for Oscar is very different than top Oscar for Lando. In the fic I'm working on right now, Oscar is also taking on what could be considered a dominant role, however it's very much to fulfill what Lando needs, which arguably leans more in the direction of service top (despite the fact that he definitely has Lando's hands tied up and Lando over his knees for a spanking.)

Please feel free to come to me with more questions about this verse, you can come off anon too, I don't bite, and I can send you these insanely long replies directly.

I would maybe consider writing a fic that kind of touches on the beginning of their relationships, however I still have to finish the second chapter of "I'm so Lonely," I'm working on a fic in the verse currently, and also have two more fics in this verse planned that have been living rent free in my head that will probably just be short and smutty (that's the goal at least), and then I'm probably going to bring it to a close because i have a LOT of WIPs in progress and I'm taking pause from most other content in January to try and finish my Warped Tour Lestappen AU.

[maineshewrote]

I-just-started-s4e4-thoughts:

I can see how Oliver's least offensive robe has had its effect on Mabel's nightclothes style.

I just love the character/relationship development we get to witness, going from Oliver wondering if they have reached a point in their friendship when they can turn up at each others' place in nightclothes to the trio casually starting every other day by recapping their case while still in their nightclothes.

And just as we are told, literally, by the victim that she was not the intended victim (see: Tap in), the investigation is sent in a whole new direction, and lo and behold—we have use for a second murder board. I'm not complaining, let's not minimize Sazz's part in this case.

A moment of appreciation for the score that is always evolving and utterly beautiful and still very much tied to the original tunes of the show.

I feel like the rare blood type is going to be significant at some point. This is the second time I've taken notice of that, and they don't usually do that unless it's important. Sort of feels as wooden as that lighthouse, if you get my drift. If this is about Sazz refusing (or being unable, more likely) to be a blood donor and someone getting revenge on her for someone else dying because of that, it's either going to be heart-breaking or lame or I'm just rambling.

Oh! But how did they find out they had the same blood type? How about a nice traumatic bonding moment flashback when one of them had to save the other by being a blood donor? Now I'm really getting carried away. The fanfiction opportunities are piling.

Ugh, Oliver's obsession with stalking Loretta was bound to happen but it's so bad, please stop. They're obviously head over heels in love, this is just gonna make them unnecessarily fall out. About that menacing arm, I would love it if it turned out to be Dickie, but the man's chin didn't really look like him in the Instagram picture.

It's interesting that the picture they used for Loretta's Instagram is not a picture of her but of Meryl. That is, Meryl's there with her own hair, not her Loretta wig. (Evidence: much shorter hair, no bangs) Did you know Loretta's is the same wig she wore in A Series of Unfortunate Events (where I thought the hair was awesome)?

Why are Howard's sweaters getting progressively worse? I didn't think it could get much worse from the absolutely faceless yellow thing we saw last episode, but this duck is unfurling.

And where's Jonathan? Howard's saying he hates being alone, so what's his boyfriend doing? Is he perhaps going to work like normal working adults, unlike Howard?

Mabel being the guys' keeper in public, while the guys are utterly oblivious to making themselves appear as ridiculous as possible, love it.

BEN! The way I screamed. That is bloody lovely! Of course it's a double but this is so sweet, it's like meeting an old friend again, even though through most of season 3 I didn't even like Ben. (And I mean most of the times I watched that season. I think I only really liked him the last couple of times around.)

The amount of times the trio has had to witness Ben rise from the dead is staggering. Let's make it a running theme, every season a brief Ben come-back. Can I hear a wahoo?

Peak comedy in Oliver's momentary expression of consideration when Glen said that you can't come back from the dead, knowing full well that's just what Ben did.

The irony. Ben being given rat poison and his double seeing rats.

I LOVE that Howard is auditioning with the lines from Oliver's stage dream sequence. Canonically makes no sense (although Oliver could've used the lines in the podcast) but such a pleasure to watch.

New era for the penthouse spotted. Still unsure which decor I liked best, but it's not this one.

Melon is giving people-pleasing Hollywood Cinda Canning. She should meet the real deal.

This unfulfilling relationship that Sazz was trying to get out of better be with Jan. My boy Charles has had to deal with way too much undeserved guilt this season.

The escalation of the horror-movie-like Paradise dream to the absolutely soul-crushing tragic drama of Charles's heavy conscience was both genius and gut-wrenching. There was so much emotional nuance in that little scene, especially in Sazz's light manner of reply, in the meaningful way she portrayed not only Sazz's stubbornly positive attitude towards life but also the heartbreaking tendency in many good people to bottle up their vulnerability behind a positive mask, even and especially when people who love them unintentionally hurt them. I was deeply touched by this scene. All the while my heart is constantly aching for Charles who really doesn't deserve all this guilt. Yes, we have been led to believe he was pretty egoistic and distant in his glory days, but we have to remember that these negative qualities that we've been told about have been exaggerated due to Charles's own insecurity about himself.

No comment on the Oh Hells, nicely wrapped up for now.

It's actually so sweet of Charles to do the funeral, but there was always a chance it was going to be some big unusual stunt.

Well, look how the turntables. Paul Rudd knocking Charles out this time around.

Incredible how Irish Ben Glenroy in a bar fight could move me to tears.

Save me, heart-warming flashback scene.

I said save me, not break my heart all over again!

Sazz saying, "Let's keep this under our hat," because they basically share the same Brazzos hat. But why do these two Brazzoses' police badges have different numbers?

This show just keeps on giving. Aphrodite is back!

Okay, bit dramatic for someone named after a fruit. Not to pour cold water over this entirely unconvincing threat, but Melon's probably just going to laugh this off and have a silly explanation for being there. No clue here, people, let's move on.

But did you notice the music? Seriously more exciting than Melon pointing a gun was the theme playing during her threat, which was the same one that played when the trio found Ben falling in through the elevator ceiling (You Gotta Be F'n Kidding Me). What a lovely last nod to Ben's memory!

Sweet move on the production's part for only mentioning special guest star Paul Rudd at the end of the episode, otherwise the surprise would have been ruined.

[cosmama]

theories and questions with summer: this began as a joke post but turned into a rare moment where i share the inner workings of my thoughts on SM canon / theories in regard to my portrayal ( occasionally throughout this i will refer to princess serenity, usagi, and akari as a unit by calling them the 'moon trinity'. it's easier than typing their names out each time ). enjoy.

sometimes when i'm making verses i think: 'should i just make akari a normal person?' because everyone might not know her or she might seem like a 'lot' but then i remember that:

her power level is crazy. even when masquerading as a child and in her iconic 15 seconds of screen time. but she's part of the moon trinity so the trait of being silly and stupid is inherent apparently.

she just has...time travel powers over other people? she casually explains the galaxy's ultimate power to a bunch of 12 year olds before being like, 'okay go home now' and just teleports them back to their time lmao

her identity and source of power is still discussed/debated to this day.*although between updated manga translations, the movies, and the musical, her identity is pretty clear(tm) to me and i think most of the fandom has generally accepted she is some form of us/agi. but i respect people continuing to have their theories too.

cosmos not being in the 90s anime was viewed as such a major absence that they named the new stars arc adaption after her, a character that ends up having like five minutes of screentime at best, to say 'hey, she's here! we fixed it' (and while it makes searching for content for her more annoying now, i appreciate that!)

to some, she's too mystique / powerful to even need a henshin - which is a take i've seen that i do NOT agree with lol! if anything her transformation in cosmos was too short and also too similar to kakyuu / felt a tad bit recycled in places imo >.> i get why(tm) but i wanted MORE aka something like this to show her majesty - especially since her lil transformation in the movie has some subtle hints / references to usagi's ESM henshin already imo so it would've been a nice, full parallel. but i am biased. and greedy idc lol. ky/lo._ren_more.gif )

and finally: she's mother. dat's it.

okay jokes aside: usagi is the messiah of the sm universe and that viewpoint affects how i write cosmos ( and no, i'm not referring to the 90s anime specifically, although the general purpose / her being a savior is the same ).

this is a lukewarm take! however, the implications of what that means within the universe of sm itself or how that affects usagi as a person isn't really analyzed or talked about deeply in the greater fandom from what i've seen ( and i say this respectfully: most of the sm analytical content is kind of surface-level ). we have this person ascending to an ultimate holy status, becoming an immortal being with a deep, inherent knowledge of the universe and this process feels basically fated. while princess serenity's star seed is supposedly just like her mother's, there is also something...different about her despite that claim.

i think more happened in this scene but i just...can never really exactly narrow my thoughts on a proper 'what'. it doesn't 'feel' like it's just queen serenity bringing her daughter's star seed to be reborn to me. originally, i used to go back and forth on if this scene was showing the princess' birth or was after her death but it's the latter because:

in the manga, guardian cosmos theorizes that maybe the woman wanted to make a new history for the star after choosing to remain in the cauldron - which costs the queen her life as she joins the 'sea' inside of it.

the movie also has her specifically say that the queen was distraught so the implication to me on when this takes place became pretty clear.

considering the unknown nature around princess serenity's birth it just makes me go 'hmmmm'. did queen serenity come here when the princess was 'born' too? what did she know about the galaxy cauldron? something about this scene feels like an exchange - the three of them are linked together. it's reinforced by the fact that guardian cosmos makes a point to say she remembers the moment well. how much life has the cauldron seen leave and return to it? what would make this specific star seed so memorable to her? was she more directly involved in its creation?

basically what i'm saying is that it's very possible that princess serenity has two mothers: queen serenity and the galaxy cauldron itself. guardian cosmos mentions that there is a chaos seed and a guardian chaos but they've been pushed to the depths of the cauldron. the moon trinity's star seed is the 'cosmos seed'. they became a true star and was born while chaos is still desperately waiting to do the same.

but i am digressing super hard right now. let's continue!

all of this is a very long way from being a teenager who eats a lot, oversleeps, and doesn't apply herself to get good grades ( b/c i also don't actually think usagi is 'dumb' even if i jokingly say that. she's lazy and doesn't study, there's a difference ).

there's a tragedy within this too though: we have this person who deeply feeds off the connections she has with other people - for instance, a popular headcanon explaining why the princess became a senshi when they reincarnated is because of her wish to protect and fight amongst her friends. whether that's true or not, she's always doomed to outlive them all. there is also beauty in finding each other again and again - which a constant theme within SM as a series.

which i guess gets to the ultimate question that i unintentionally ended up exploring on this blog: is it right for god to live amongst us? to find love? to have a child? to find friendship in other people even when her very existence is a constant threat to them all? is that selfish? is that wrong of her? the series says no - and in my opinion, it is right. it doesn't mean life is easy for her: the stars arc has usagi confronted with the fact that her power isn't beloved or always helpful to others. there are senshi that resent her and what she stands for, blaming her for the endless conflict and misery they've been trapped in due to galaxia's obsessive desire for power.

then there's akari. she isn't that teenage girl anymore. she's not overtly bubbly or as friendly as she once was when she was younger or in the other lives between her and usagi. she's over 6,000 years old. she's depressed. she's tired. but she's trying to live again - to learn to have hope after coming so close to giving up. she is definitely more on the 'alien god' side of whatever spectrum the moon trinity exist 'on' but she's trying.

note: this may have just been some added flavor from the localization ( which is fine to me, i, mostly, support localizers / don't attack them in this house! ), but guardian cosmos refers to queen serenity specifically as a 'heavenly body' that visited her. the distinction felt notable considering she referred to the sol senshi as 'stars' just a moment prior.

ultimately, akari's 'girl failureness' results in trying to destroy all life in the galaxy rather than having bad grades. it happens!

a bit more on the moon girls and the galaxy cauldron.

in the english dub, usagi, sailor cosmos ( + chibi chibi ), and guardian cosmos are all voiced by the same VA ( and if it wasn't for - understandable - stunt casting for cosmos, it probably would've been the same for the japanese dub. although it should be noted that cosmos and guardian cosmos still do share the same va in jpn while usagi and chibi chibi are both voiced by kotono ). the connection between the three is pretty apparent. guardian cosmos is definitely sailor moon's power guardian but unlike with the other senshi and their power guardians...she's not with usagi. she seemingly remains in the galaxy cauldron at all times and may or may not be able to leave.

but cosmos is still always with sailor moon even if she doesn't physically appear by her side - her 'presence' is felt within usagi's power as a sailor senshi. we see it the most overtly with sailor cosmos though.

white is the reflection of all wavelengths and considering naoko's tendency to incorporate science into sailor moon, sailor cosmos fuku being that color is more than just an aesthetic choice. cosmos is a reflection of not just the sol senshi but every senshi. she represents them as the ultimate sailor senshi; the ideal soldier that they all aspire to be and a protector of not just earth - but the entire galaxy. this is sailor moon's future, and it is reaffirmed in an original line from the movie:

however, chaos may still be reborn. but i know sailor moon, if that happens...you will protect us once more. - guardian cosmos.

color and theming matter in the magical girl genre but especially in sailor moon. we see the direct link between akari, usagi, and guardian cosmos through the use of colors for them throughout the movie to emphasize their connection and what links them together: the galaxy cauldron.

whenever a power tied to the cosmos crystal is used ( and remember, the cosmos crystal is the sailor crystal of the cauldron itself ), it's represented specifically by a bright, iridescent color scheme - the colors on the visible light spectrum. akari is physically shown to appear this way but it's showcased whenever she uses her abilities too:

when usagi scarifies her life by using the lambda power, the ultimate power of the cosmos crystal, the same color scheming replaces her usual golden crescent mark and pink transformative ribbons:

finally, there's guardian cosmos. when she first speaks to usagi and friends inside the cauldron, she appears as nothing but light - it's in the same cosmic glow that akari and usagi have now used. when she uses her powers to teleport everyone out of the cauldron, the same color scheme that reflects 'cosmos', or the galaxy cauldron, is used here:

also guardian cosmos. guardian chaos. galaxy cauldron. GC. you're so funny naoko.

on being a mother.

there's also a theme of motherhood in the series beyond just the obvious usagi / chibiusa dynamic. while yes, the 'cosmom' thing started off as just for fun from mutuals, it's actually incredibly relevant to sailor moon thematically. in a series that is very loud and proud about putting femmes at the forefront, i would think yes: the primordial figures representing the balance of the universe, whose light and darkness is in every living thing being represented as women is intentional. so is the galaxy cauldron being a 'mother' that is the source of all life - one of the translations even refers to the sea inside of the cauldron as the 'mother lifestream' ( *i am not sure what the perfect edition translation says, haven't bought any of those yet ).

if the moon trinity is tied to galaxy cauldron by being a living personification of 'it' and its power then yes, they are, quite literally, the mothers of the universe. the most direct comparison i can give is the God to Jesus comparison - usagi even 'dies' so that everyone can start anew, including 'sinners' like galaxia ( while the manga and movie never state what happens to her, the musical makes a point to say that even galaxia was revived and got to return to her home star ). i could say more but this post is already long.

tl;dr:

somebody: why is sailor moon all about usagi :/

me: BECAUSE SHE'S LITERALLY GOD.

*also the last part is ( partially ) a joke, i agree with most of the critiques about how everyone not named usagi doesn't really getting their due in the manga. with that said, there are also fans of the series they just seem to hate and resent the main character of the series. screw them lol

[nym-wibbly]

Getting Away With It - Supernatural

I wondered if I'd have some big revelation about Supernatural once I saw the whole thing - if I'd get some big epiphany about how it held up for 15 years or whatever.

My main takeaway overnight, however, has been marvelling (while ocassionally grinning crazily at a flashback) at what the creatives got away with just by building up to it slowly. Network TV in the US remains absolutely hogtied by the prevailing moral discourse, and by the money-power of controversy-shy advertisers to be the arbiters of what can and cannot be shown on a syndicated show. Syndication is its own money-slave and it's incapable of fully breaking free, short of the US viewership achieving consensus on both good taste and bad influences.

Supernatural worked its way up from a mythology of isolated urban legends to pull in the occult, then religion. The latter two subjects have been shockingly taboo for telly even here in the arguably post-Christian UK market within my lifetime. The spluttering outrage of the Mary Whitehouse Brigade would've turned to fatal aneurysms watching Supernatural play witchcraft, demonic possession, and angelic lore with equal irony and humour.

The heroes drink so much and live so badly that only their canonical Plot Armour, courtesy of failed-writer God, keeps them functioning as human beings. They're outlaws, criminals Robin Hood-style, defrauding their way to a living because their day job, the heroing, doesn't pay for food and shelter. They pass themselves off as badged figures of authority without difficulty. They never have to face the everyday moral or practical consequences of career-criminal actions that would be the moral backbone of the average movie or miniseries.

Dean routinely has carefree, casual sex with equally willing and available women during his travels, free of consequence and guilt, while the (currently) male angel Castiel occupies the textual role of Dean's love interest/romantic antagonist for most of 12 seasons because that happened to be where the show found the equivalent chemistry. They didn't just let it lie - they upped the ante season after season. That can only mean that the creatives of Supernatural have awesome poker-faces in serious meetings with their network-suited counterparts. ("No homo," they said gravely, sipping coffee and resting one hand half over the scene(s) where Dean takes the role of devastated widower every time Cas gets dead.)

They made everything about free will and standing for what's right. Even some of the sparkier demons got there before their arcs closed, grabbing agency and choosing to serve the greater good, or to act from love, but the angels consistently struggled to do the same. The angels are an unholy mess on Supernatural, opting for largely self-inflicted genocide having been abandoned by God.

Supernatural made God the ultimate baddie then had Lucifer's son - actual son of Satan - kick his arse and replace him. The Antichrist showed up too, but turned out to be a nice kid who caused so little trouble he never returned to the show. Fantasy usually only gets away with that (Christianity-defined) blasphemy shit by cloaking it in not-our-world trappings; sword and sorcery, worldbuilding from the ground up to provide a safe otherspace for questions that half of society in the target market isn't comfortable even asking, let alone answering or turning into casual entertainment.

Supernatural did that too - 14 seasons of slow, epic worldbuilding set in what looks, sounds, feels and tastes like modern America, is a love poem to its land and uniqueness at times, especially under the original showrunner, but turns out in the end to be a fictional world written by a self-obsessed deity who's run out of new ideas and settled for endless reruns with his comfort characters. Our Heroes are puppets and God himself is the bad guy jerking them around. Season 15 pays off that buildup in spades, then wipes the floor with God, leaving him a pitiable irrelevance in the Supernatural America of free will and doing-what's-right.

I've seen the show take a lot of vitreol for being unambitious, and a lot of fans being very unhappy over what the show didn't do or attempt. After my first viewing, I'm just pouring one out for the cunning shit they got away with while the networks who kept the lights on for 15 years were too distracted by the comfortable, mainstream headline of "two marketable white dudes (but no homo) drive around America in a cool car being manly-man heroes" to do anything about it.