#i did not expect them to show hans's death so clearly and with sound either but LOL

[basilhusband]

watching the deemo movie and having it confirmed essentially that the reason you see other notes being played while you're playing the game is because deemo is meant to be playing while holding you auggh

i also really enjoy selia being there as a representative of alice's grief and what they did by turning her into more of an antagonist for the movie. she was holding on so tight and wanted everyone to be together so badly.... the nutcracker in general too is just a good character i liked him a lot

[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (18)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 4,4K

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Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness

Notes: If anyone got the notification, please tell me 😭 If you guys want to get notifications (hopefully) please go here

Updates: Tuesdays

                                                         ////

   There were a lot of rumors going on right now.

    You prided yourself on not being the type to care about rumors and things like this but being in the center of so many of those in the last few days made it impossible for you to not be at least curious. The whispers had been obvious for a while now ─ particularly after Paris’ performance ─ and you couldn’t help but wonder how people could have so much free time in their hands and use it like that.

    You should have known, though.

    It was more than obvious that befriending Chan and Hyunjin would put you in the spotlight and it was bound to lead to dumb rumors at some point. You just didn’t expect them to be so dumb. Although you must have heard about hundreds of versions up to now, the core of all of them was pretty simple to catch: Love affairs and intrigue. That was what those incredible undergraduate brains could do with all of their loose imagination and wisdom.    

    You could kinda grasp why people thought you were dating Chan. You really could. You were pretty close with each other so it was logical for people to misunderstand your relationship… The thing is that you had been like this with Chan for ages now and no one ever had commented anything about it ─ at least not to this extent ─ so the real question here was pretty simple: Why now?

    “Hey” You lifted your eyes from the counter, meeting Hyunjin’s ones “Daydreaming at work?” He chuckled, leaning on the surface as he rested his face on his hand, studying you closely.

    Well… Then there was that too.

    Not only you were dating Chan but you were also cheating on him with Hyunjin… So maybe you could understand why people thought you were with Chan but where did this come from? It didn’t make any sense. First of all, they’re best friends living together! How the hell would you two-time Chan right under his roof with his best friend?! Second of all, you didn’t give away any hint on feeling something for Hyunjin! And he didn’t show anything similar for you either!

    No. Fucking. Sense.

    “Yeah…” You agreed mindlessly, mimicking his position to stare into his eyes “What about you? Why are you here?” You asked curiously, tilting your head as he smiled fondly at you; face too close for you to completely catch his shrug.

    “Can’t I drop by to see a friend?” He asked in a teasing tone “I should just have gone to see Paris… She treats me way better than you” He joked; hand reaching to fix a strand behind your ear “I should know you were just going after my body…” He sighed mockingly, chuckling as you rolled your eyes and tried to get away from his touch.

    “Stop it” You hissed “You know people are talking about us!” You frowned, getting a laugh as an answer. He leaned even closer, prompting you to lean back, trying to get more space between the both of you “You might like being the center of the attention but I don’t, Hyunjin” You mumbled, pushing him lightly so he would take a step back.

    “I didn’t think you were the type to care about what people thought about you” He pointed out, leaning back anyway “What are you worrying about? Do you think Chan will misunderstand us?” You weren’t really sure but his tone sounded a little bitter right there, and you couldn’t help but narrow your eyes.

    There was something wrong with Hyunjin these days…

    You were under the impression that he had been the target of those kinds of rumors throughout all his life and yet he was acting weirdly. Although he was quite playful about it ─ and by playful you meant flirty and touching ─, he also had those moments where he seemed to… Overthink? You weren’t really sure what was going on.

    It was like he couldn’t help but grimace each time you and Chan were mentioned on those. He seemed pretty okay in being the center of the rumors… Whether it was you or Paris, he didn’t seem to mind when either of you was pictured with him but he got clearly upset when Chan was involved. You were not sure if it was just his overprotective self over Chan or if he was suspicious of something going on between both of you while he knew the other rumors were just bullshit.

    He probably believed that both of you were hiding things from him. Again. You honestly had no idea why your friends had so much of a hard time understanding the things you said. You and Chan would never have anything! You were best friends, for Lord’s sake! And that was it.

    No. Romantic. Feelings. At. All.

    “There is nothing to misunderstand here, Hyunjin” You sighed “You and I have nothing going on and neither do I and Chan” You explained for the hundredth time already “Not wanting to fuel the rumors isn’t the same as caring about them” You added, grimacing at him in a matter-of-fact way that made him scoff.

    “I see…” He hummed, staring into your eyes for a second too long “Well… Anyway, I came here for a new book” He clarified, placing the last one he borrowed on the counter “This one was pretty good but I still preferred the first you lent me” He added, drumming his fingers on the book’s cover “I was wondering if you don’t have any other indications” He shrugged, averting his eyes from yours.

  “Oh? I thought you were a slow reader” You arched your brows in surprise, taking the book from the counter while looking at him “Are you sure you read that one?” You joked, chuckling.

   “I guess you still have a lot to learn about me” He giggled, leaning once more on the counter “Maybe if you started to pay attention to me instead of listening to those rumors…” He let the sentence hang in the air teasingly, smirking as you rolled your eyes “Or maybe we should start dating to give them a reason to talk” He chuckled, wiggling his brows at you.

   “Great 5th grade way to think” You praised him mockingly, giving him a thumbs-up as you pressed the book against your chest and made your way to the shelf it was supposed to be on “Do you have any genre in mind?” You asked mindlessly, checking the codes to match the book.

    “Surprise me” He joked, trying to do an awkward French accent that made you look funnily at him “Oh, come on… Ratatouille? No? Really?” He nagged, mumbling displeased as you giggled at his antics.

    You turned on the aisle, eyes roaming around as he followed you closely behind, gaze wandering around the many books displayed on the shelves. You put the one you were holding back in its place, humming as you studied the content on the shelves. He hummed along with you, playfully leaning closer to your ear as he pretended to be invested in looking for something to read.  

    His presence sent shivers all the way down your body.

    No… Not his presence.

    It was the setting… Yes, it had to be it.

    The library had that mysterious ancient vibe that thrilled you… The brownish solid colors surrounding everything in a majestic framing that made you feel too small… The hard-covered books’ scent in the air, a full-bodied heaviness that seemed to clamp you… The dim lighting that revealed each scattering mote fluttering around, agitated by the soft huff Hyunjin let out… The warmth that crept into your bones as you held your breath for just a half-second…

    It wasn’t him.

    The way your heart rammed against your chest had nothing to do with his presence… Nor it had anything to do with his hands slowly making their way to the shelves, trapping you between him and the books… And you were almost too sure that the cloudy thoughts flickering in your mind and the fluttering sensations in your stomach ─ that forced you to swallow dryly ─ had something to do with your skipped meal but, again, not with him.

    “Someone looks nervous” He whispered and somehow his breathing seemed to tighten your chest and quicken your heart pace once more. You could see both of his hands right in front of you and yet it felt like he was embracing you… The way you had to force your eyes open wasn’t a good sign to your brain “All stiff and…” He continued; voice purposely teasingly “… Panting” He added, a hint of amusement under his tone.

    “Stop joking around…” You managed to say, lips quivering as he chuckled huskily. Although you could feel his warmth and presence clearly, there was no inch of skin ─ except his chin making its way to rest on your shoulder ─ to seal the deal. It felt intimate yet distant… It felt like you were supposed to laugh it off but you didn’t want to.

    “It doesn’t need to be a j—“ He couldn’t finish what he was going to say, interrupted by a gasp that had both of your heads snapping at the side. There, facing the aisle with mouth fully agape and widened eyes, was someone who was bound to spread some more rumors around.

    “I-I’m sorry” They blurted out “I-I didn’t mean to interrupt” They rushed to say, clearing their throat before turning around, utterly flustered by what they thought to have witnessed. You groaned, resting your forehead on the shelf before flicking Hyunjin’s nose, pushing him away for you to look for a new book.

    “Read this” You spat, shoving a random one into his hands.

                                                          ////

    Your thoughts were filled with Hyunjin.

    Although your eyes were fixed on the TV, you couldn’t care less about whatever was going on there. The voices sounded like a buzz in the back of your head and the image was almost too blurry for you to understand but Paris’ distinct laughter was a good cue for you to laugh at some joke you didn’t listen to. Whether it was your chuckle sounding too fake or too off time, she seemed to notice that something was going on inside your head.

    She didn’t even say anything, pausing the show before looking straight at you with a questioning look, arching her brow as she waited for you to say something. There was it… The two-path road. You could either tell her that it was nothing ─ and she would probably narrow her eyes at you until you made up a random excuse ─ or you could actually tell her what has been on your mind lately ─ and then you would have to put up with the insufferable Paris state.

    Too late to back off now… You should have paid attention to the show.

    You glanced at her ─ unsure about what to say or do at a moment like this ─, biting your lip as you blinked a few times to buy some time to decide what you were going to do. You knew Paris well enough to predict her reaction… As soon as you said that you have been thinking a lot about all those rumors, she would instantly assume that you were worrying over it because you had some suppressed feelings that you were trying to hide.

    You just knew it.

    “So…” She stressed, still staring at you “What’s going on inside that little box of yours?” She joked, pointing at her own head before hugging her knees, sitting across you on the couch.

  Path N° 1: The finals are right there at the corner…

  Path N° 2: I can’t understand where all those rumors are coming from… I didn’t do anything suspicious with Chan or Hyunjin and suddenly people are talking behind our back. Either I messed up really bad about something and didn’t notice or someone misunderstood something I did… Or maybe it could be because Hyunjin has been flirting a lot lately! He pinned me against the wall thrice already. Do you think this is strange? I’m finding it a little odd... Maybe I’m being too sensitive over useless st–

  “Y/N?” Paris called you softly, tilting her head to the other side as if it could help her to see what was going on in your mind “Are you feeling okay? You seem a little bit… Off… Today” She said carefully, studying your features for a brief moment.

  “I’ve been thinking about the rumors…” You began hesitantly, checking for her reaction “Don’t you find it strange? I mean… You and Hyunjin had your rumors before but I hadn’t been dragged into this until now” You pointed out, shrugging “I find it odd that people are talking about me and Chan out of nowhere and… Well, talking like I’m hooking up with Hyunjin behind your back” You explained.

  Paris didn’t say anything at first, seeming surprised by your worries.

  “Well…” She cleared her throat “I mean… I have heard some things about you and Chan around… And you kinda… Well—“ She licked her lips, visibly stiffening up as she thought about what to say “You know? Some people saw you guys at the library… And you guys keep calling each other sweety and stuff…” She floundered her hand in the air as if it helped her to express it better “And you gave him your keys… And he slept here the whole week…” She trailed off.

    “What the fuck?” You blurted, surprised by all this “How do they even know about this?!” You frowned, wondering how many people heard all those kinds of stuff out of context and got to build up a rumor like this.

    “Yeah… Well, you guys aren’t really subtle” She chuckled nervously “And I think that you shouldn’t really have said that you guys used to… Have sex…” She practically whispered the last part, ashamed to talk about it “Before, you know? Especially on a party” She cleared her throat once more, fixing herself on the couch.

    You had what now?

    “I never said that” You frowned “I never had sex with Chan… I-“ You scowled in disgust “Why would I ever have sex with Chan? We’re literally best friends! He’s like a brother to me or something… Ew” You scrunched your nose, shaking your head to get rid of the thought “What made you think I had sex with him? What the fuck?” it would be an understatement to say that you were flabbergasted.

    “Well… You kinda did” She arched her brow, looking at you filled with confusion “You told us you used to hook up with Chan, remember?” She asked as if she was talking to a kid “At the party, you clearly said that you used to hook up with him…” She pursed her lips, raising her eyebrows matter-of-factly, almost as if she was trying to transfer her memories to you.

    “No, I most definitely didn’t say this” You grimaced at her, finding all the situation kinda odd, “I said I hooked up with Chan’s friend” You emphasized, returning the look to her “I would never say I hooked up with him… You distorting what I said” You blinked, staring at her in confusion as she gasped.

    “Oh! It was Chan’s friend!” She chortled “Well, so you should roast Chan! He interrupted you, and I think everyone understood the very same as me” She huffed, seeming to find the situation amusing “Oh my God… I’m pretty sure that was what triggered the rumors about you and Chan, to be honest” She mused, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

    “I can’t believe you guys thought—“ You sighed in resignation “Well… Anyway, I’m not dating or fucking Chan” You said dismissively, already done with how all this had started “And what have you heard about Hyunjin? What started it all?” You deadpanned, waiting for some silly explanation once again.

  Paris stared blankly at you.

  “You’re kidding, right?” She sounded taken aback, looking at you as if you tried to make a bad joke. The way you stood silent, staring back at her in genuine curiosity, must have seemed really sincere because she chortled before answering you “Y/N, he literally kissed you at the stairs” She reminded you slowly, trying to get the words to sink into your head.

  She didn’t need to do much.

  You didn’t want to admit it ─ and you would refuse to for as long as you could ─ but that kiss… Fake kiss! That fake kiss… You couldn’t help but gulp down as you felt your senses being electrified just by the mention of it. How many times did you push aside that thought? How many times did you ignore the flickering thought in the back of your mind? How many times you could practically see him leaning in for a kiss?

  You licked your lips, biting them to restrain the turmoil inside your head.

  Of course, you weren’t blind… Hyunjin was a handsome piece of shit. You knew it even when you hated him. You knew it even when you didn’t want to acknowledge it… Even when you wanted to believe that it was just the popular opinion about him.

    Now, you couldn’t ignore how pretty he was.

    You weren’t quite sure if it was all in your mind ─ he did lean it too quickly for you to notice every single thing ─ but you could still feel the fire on his gaze as he made his move. You could remember how eager he was… Or at least, how eager you believed him to be as you were crushed against the wall and lost all the air inside your lungs. Was it just you being surprised? Was it the abruptness of the situation? Or did he really pin you against the wall as if his life depended on it? You surely felt like it was the last one… But could it be you the one who wanted to believe it for dear life?

    No, of course, not.

    The warmth of his hands still lingered there on your skin from time to time, and the soft pressure in your lips seemed to be carved at the back of your mind. You hated that sometimes you pressed your lips with your thumb ─ the same pressure though not the same way he did ─ just to snap out of it a second too late. You also couldn’t forget the way he tilted his head to deepen a kiss that didn’t really happen… The way the realization washed over you right at that second.

    It wasn’t disappointment… It was something else.

    You could still feel how his touch changed on that second… The hold was firm and consistent… It was like he didn’t want to let you go; like something just switched on his head and triggered something that felt so much like… You gulped down once more, still refusing to stress that thought out. The way your breaths mingled and hitched… Faltered… It was almost painful to know that it didn’t really happen.

    There was it…

    Desire and passion.

    The urges of a single woman who hadn’t been getting some in a while.

    “It was a fake kiss” You finally answered her but by now, Paris knew too damn well where your thoughts were wandering around a second earlier.

    “Yeah, but it seemed pretty real for anyone who took a glance at it” She reminded you, and the suggestive hint under her tone made you scoff “And I don’t want to say it—“

    “Then just don’t” You grimaced at her.

    “—But I think both of you were pretty into it even for a fake kiss…” She grinned at you teasingly, and the tired sigh that left your lips seemed to fuel her “I can remember quite well how you just let your hands right on his chest… I don’t recall you pushing him away, you know?” her grin spread all over her face “I think you enjoyed feeling him under your touch a whole lot…” She raised her eyebrows, throwing you a knowing look that made you huff, rubbing your face in distress.

    Why did she have to say that?!

    You clenched your fists, trying to suppress the memories that you didn’t need to have right now… So what if his chest felt so warm and firm under his shirt? So damn fine under your touch? What about the way the water droplets seemed to caress his tanned skin? So what if the very same droplets must have rolled down and down and down and… Well, all the way down from his throat to his collarbone to his chest to… You couldn’t help but lick your lips, shaking your head to dismiss the thought.

    It didn’t matter.

    The way he bought you coffee and waited for you on Monday? It didn’t matter. The way his damp hair gave him a sexy vibe that looked like a plead for being warmed up on a cold Tuesday? It didn’t matter. The way he was trying to impress you with good food? It didn’t matter. The way he kept visiting you at your work to ask for indications? It didn’t matter. The way he kept flirting and teasing you around? It didn’t matter.

  None of it mattered because Hyunjin had been pretty clear before.

  He wanted you as a friend.

  A good friend.

   “I think…” You trailed off, darting your eyes away from her “I may…” You gulped down, reconnecting your gazes before sighing heavily “I guess I’m feeling attracted to him…” You admitted.

    It probably wasn’t the reaction she was expecting because Paris just let her mouth hang open as her eyes widened, utterly in shock to hear it coming out of your mouth. You pursed your lips, feeling kinda embarrassed by her reaction, averting your gaze once more as you played with your own fingers, refusing to look at her. Was it that strange for you to feel… Well, some kind of silly attraction towards your stupidly handsome friend?

    You didn’t think so.

    “You don’t need to be so surprised… It’s not like I’m a criminal or something” You muttered, peeking at her for a split of a second before focusing on your hands once more “I think the fake kiss kinda… Awoke something? Like a tiny little spark or something… Nothing too important or any—“ You were just rambling at this point.

    “No!” She blurted, hands waving exaggeratedly in front of her body “I mean- Yes! I’m not… I mean… It’s not that I’m shocked, I’m just…” She floundered her hands around, trying to find the right words in her mind “I think it’s great!” She chortled “Oh my God… Yeah, I think it’s great! It’s great that you have a crush on him or something!” She chirped, and you couldn’t help but frown.

    “How is it great?” You asked warily “We’re literally just friends and he’s the hugest fuckboy we had ever met” You reminded her “There is nothing great in it… Actually, I think that’s the worst thought my brain had ever had” You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

    “He’s not that bad!” She retorted eagerly “He’s actually really sweet!” She added quickly, trying to convince you as she patted your knee “I mean… He’s smart! Isn’t he? You guys are always arguing in class!” You arched your brow at the distorted way to boost him “He also has good grades! I know you like smart guys” She threw you an insistent look.

  Well… You were not so sure the attraction had much to do with his brains.

    “He’s also really funny! You’re always laughing at things he says!” She kept her monologue “He also likes the foods you like! He’s always spending time at the hot dog stand! He even knows your favorite food by now!” She was so excited at all this that it was almost like she was selling him to you “He has an amazing taste for TV shows! I can testify that” She smiled proudly “And he’s also interested in your things! He’s reading the books you like and everything!”

    Yeah… She kinda had a point, to be honest.

    “You said yourself that he had been flirting! So… I mean- It has to mean something, right?” She asked filled with hope, looking at you expectantly “He wouldn’t flirt with someone he doesn’t like! So to the very least, he likes you!” She clasped her hands together, excited.

    “He has been flirting with me even when we hated each other” You pointed out skeptically, and she groaned in frustration.

    “Okay! He’s a fuckboy, I get it! Flirting is what he does” She rolled her eyes, impatient “But he hasn’t been fucking anyone for a while! He has a crush on someone and he’s being really romantic about it!” She insisted, making your chortle.

    “Yeah… Because not fucking people around when you like someone is a great romantic gesture” You sneered “You sound too… Eager to make your point” You narrowed your eyes, tilting your head in suspicion “You’re not being the usual…” You cleared your throat to imitate her “I ship you guys so much!” You chirped mockingly, clapping your hands repeatedly in a short and rapid motion “You’re… Did he tell your something?” You asked curiously.

  “What are you talking about?!” She asked in a high-pitched tone, snorting in a too anxious way to be natural “It’s just that you’ve never shown interest in anyone before! I’m excited!” She dismissed your thought, waving her hand at you “I’ve been waiting for this! The day you would talk to me about boys and stuff like this!” She whined, and for a moment she really did sound sincere enough for you to believe her.

    “It doesn’t matter anyway” You shrugged “You said so yourself… He’s been crushing on someone” You pointed out, uncrossing your arms and returning your gaze to the TV “Also, it’s not like I want to fuck him… Too much trouble, right? I know he isn’t the type to attach… He wouldn’t risk our friendship just to get his dick wet” You reasoned.

    “What if he’s crushing on you?” She asked unsurely, glancing at you.

    “Yeah, right!” You just laughed it off, gesturing for her to hit the play.

[generalasshattery]

MK Movie Thoughts and Reflections

It’s been a few days since I watched it, and it’s all had time to settle in my brain. Who wants a tangent?

So, I guess I should start with the like biggest issue. Cole. Like I get he was only put in the movie because the studio insisted, and I feel like a little bit of the resentment for having to do that is obvious by just how bland a character he is. If they had to have him, they could’ve at least made him a little more fun to watch. Like, you had the opportunity to make a new Mortal Kombat character, some of the most deliciously and wonderfully over the top and charismatic fighting game characters out there... like why didn’t they make any effort to justify his existence on screen? Want to give us an everyman that can be used to introduce the world to the public? Do it, make him an audience proxy. Use some wit and charm to make people feel like he represents how they’d act in that scenario. I’ve seen this done to absolutely beautiful effect, my favorite example is actually a short horror film on YouTube called Downstairs. Lean into the batshit insanity you’re introducing in the form of mortal kombat. This role is historically handled by Johnny Cage, but he’s a celebrity rich boy, how would Joe down the block honestly handle this shit? Would he be stressed the fuck out and anxious? Or riding high getting to live out an ultimate power fantasy? That’s what would’ve been fun to explore with a new character IMO.

With that out of the way, I’m not going to belabor all the things I didn’t enjoy. Because well, it’s obvious. Jobbers irritate me, like what the fuck was that they did with Reiko? Did not like. Killing a clearly post burns Kabal in a fire? Like that just upset me. And all the weird lore building choices were just that... fucking weird. They do not need to be super heroes. They do not need to awaken super powers. Tech based abilities make it more interesting against the more supernaturally influenced characters. Genre bending has always been a feature and not a bug in MK. The game was supposed to be a Jean Claude Van Damme game, it was supposed to be all these different genres of movies coming together to fight the Van Damme, in a manor of speaking. Taking away the absolutely fun part of the story where special ops, a celebrity, and monks team up with a god to fight ninjas, a sorcerer, criminal empires, and monsters, is like missing the forest for the trees with the franchise. And I just can’t even go into Shang Tsung. I just can’t. I like Chin Han, he plays assholes very well, but Shang Tsung is a special kind of asshole. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa just set the bar so high with how much intellectualism he brings to the lines. He can drop them in such a smart sounding way that it makes you feel like he’s three steps ahead of you. There’s something so obviously manipulative and toying in his vibe (god the best part of MK11 is him, I’ll fight people on this, he fucking stole that shit for me) that it makes him feel instantly threatening. Immediately you know this is a man you Should Not Fuck with. I need that from Shang Tsung, or I don’t even really feel like you should bother bringing him to screen.

But despite all that, I did actually enjoy the experience of watching the movie, admittedly because I expected not to like any of it, so there were quite a few pleasant surprises. The gore and fight scenes were so perfectly stylized with the excessive blood and choreography, showing off the characters fatalities and famous moves... yes feed me that fan service. Feed it to me.

And while I don’t love all the casting (Reiko and Shang Tsung for example), some of it was pure perfection. Kano, Jax and Sonya? Story was... A Choice but loved the actors and what they brought to the characters. Also, like Lui Kang being cast with just the prettiest actor made me very happy. Pretty boy Lui Kang can hang, especially with his belt/slash floating in the wind. I was here for that.

Holy god damn hell, Joe Taslim, what the fuck dude? You made all my Bi-Han fantasies and dreams a reality. Like god damn, I could feel the depth he was bringing to the role even if the script didn’t let him explore it. I seriously hope we get so much more from him because got damn. I was so pleased with his performance. Holy shit not to mention the ice effects, his Katara moment of stopping the rain and then wrecking the shit out of a street is the kind of raw destructive power that canon has always hinted he has but hasn’t really shown us. He’s so often relegated to being a jobber, and MK is so especially bad at telling you a character is powerful but not showing it. Oh boy the movie showed it. Not just him either, I felt a real sense of power from a few players, and that was deeply satisfying.

Also like Kabal? For as much as his death pissed me off, damn did they nail his vibe. I think we’d all rather have good guy Kabal (which would’ve been a more interesting story with Kano on both sides the fence [and I DO NOT have the energy to write the dissertation I have for that weird ass choice]) but I really thought they got the bad guy him just right. Side note: My sister watched it with me and just adored him, she loved his fight scenes and kept asking me who he was and telling me how damn cool he seemed. And I do agree. His fighting scene was so damn good. The way they handle his choreography and effects made him look every bit the intimidating opponent he is, even if he didn’t actually win. Very good work there.

Hanzo has some promise here, but man did they cock tease us with those trailers. Didn’t even toss a handy j for our troubles. I will say, assuming they do make another film (and that is a big assumption) I am cautiously optimistic about where it could be heading. The actor really didn’t get enough time to explore the part, but Scorpion has the potential to be fascinating and I feel like him and Sub Zero getting their own film properly could really give me some satisfying story telling in Mortal Kombat’s biggest rivalry.

Over all? Not super satisfying for the dedicated fans. Wouldn’t really recommend it if you don’t Stan Bi-Han specifically. But if you set your expectations as low as possible, you may find some fun in it the way I did.

[ibijau]

part 9 of the Nomad Nie AU // On AO3

the nomads move for the winter, and encounter some trouble on the way

After some consideration, Lan Xichen and Huaisang decided that Mingjue did not need to know that his brother had hurt himself for the time being. Though the wound was healing slowly, Huaisang swore that it was getting better at what was a normal speed for him, and Lan Xichen believed him. After all, Huaisang had stopped fighting his husband on that subject, and allowed Lan Xichen to help him keep the wound clean and to check on it when they were alone. It did seem healthy enough, as long as Huaisang didn't poke it too much.

They also decided that, until Mingjue had forgiven Lan Xichen for the hunting trip, it would be best if he didn’t know that Huaisang had shared his secret with his husband. Lan Xichen felt somewhat uncomfortable about what seemed like a lie to him, but trusted Huaisang to know his brother’s temper.

There were more pressing things to think about anyway. A few days after that conversation, the time came for the whole clan to move toward their winter dwellings, and such an endeavour left little time for personal problems. Lan Xichen had never even moved houses, except for the summer after his mother’s death which his brother and him spent at a relative’s home. Taking what amounted to an entire village and putting it on wheels was particularly impressive to him. He asked as many questions as he could, and Huaisang patiently answered them all, with Mingjue or Meng Yao adding details if one of thel was around.

As Huaisang explained, for their clan moving was a more complicated thing than for most others, because they were a larger group than most nomads. If Mingjue had not been Khan, it was likely that some of their most distant cousins would have broken off in search of their own territory. Even like this, they usually separated in two smaller groups during the winter so that their respective herds didn’t compete for food and exhaust the winter grass too soon.

“You don’t prepare hay for the winter?” Lan Xichen asked upon hearing this.

“Hay?” Huaisang repeated. “Hay… I don’t know that word.”

“It’s… cutting grass and putting it to dry so animals have something to eat in winter,” Lan Xichen explained.

“Ah… no, they manage on their own. Our animals are smart enough for that,” Huaisang proudly said. “If Han beasts are too stupid to feed themselves, it must be so bothersome.”

“We just raise them differently,” Lan Xichen protested, though having lived most of his life in the city before this trip with his uncle, he couldn’t be sure. Perhaps Han animals were really lazy and pampered. He would have to ask Meng Yao if he was more educated in these matters. “Isn’t it dangerous to break into groups like this? Aren’t you at war with the Wen?”

Huaisang laughed, and nodded before explaining that it would have been rude for anyone to attack in winter. It offended the heavens, and unless there was some very great dispute happening between two clans or two tribes, then usually even enemies could be expected to offer hospitality once the first snows started. In the same manner, attacking while people were moving camp was such a repulsive concept that Huaisang actually shivered when Lan Xichen expressed that worry.

“What honour is there in a victory over weakened people?” Huaisang asked.

“But then, less soldiers die,” Lan Xichen pointed out, which got him a horrified look. Sun Zi possibly wouldn’t be a popular read here, he figured, and quickly changed the subject before offending his husband’s sensibilities any further.

When the big day came, it took barely more than a sichen for each family to dismantle their ger, and only a little more time to place the different components on carts pulled by oxen. For personal items, crates had been put on the back of other oxen. Those crates were also used to carry those too young or too old to be riding horses. Cattle could carry more weight than horses, Huaisang had explained, and they were usually more even tempered. At the same time, they were more dangerous when their temper did change, and it was not unusual for people to die or be wounded during the move. They did everything they could to prevent that, but the risk could never be fully eliminated.

Because the migration could be dangerous, young people often took it as a matter of pride to help keep everyone safe. Almost everyone had a story about some disaster or other that they had prevented, be it calming an ox before it could throw off the babies it carried, or killing wolves that had been chasing one of the herds. Everyone except Huaisang, who Khan Mingjue kept close to himself and forbade from putting himself in danger.

That year, like every year apparently, Huaisang begged his brother to put him in charge of something. He promised to be careful, to let someone else handle the oxen if they were too agitated, to only shoot from a distance if there were wolves, but his brother refused to listen, and even threatened to have him ride on an ox like a child if he wouldn’t stop being unreasonable. 

Having said this, Khan Mingjue braced himself for his brother to explode with anger, as did everyone around them. Yet Huaisang, in spite of his obvious humiliation at being dismissed that way, managed to keep his calm this time.

“If that’s my Khan’s decision, I’ll respect it,” he hissed. Then, after a glance at Lan Xichen who nodded encouragingly, he added. “Still, do consider it, if the need arises. We need everyone to do their part, and I don’t want to do any less than others. If there’s something I can do, I hope you’ll let me.”

“I will,” Mingjue promised, taken aback by that reasonable reaction.

Satisfied for the time being by that progress, Huaisang dropped the matter and went away with his husband to show him the cart containing their own ger. When they were far enough from the Khan, Huaisang kicked some clump of yellowed grass with enough force to send it flying, and launched into a long rant against his brother’s tyrannical tendencies. Lan Xichen counted this as a victory anyway. If Huaisang could learn to keep his temper in check around his brother, then the Khan might start to accept that his brother was more than just a capricious child.

Huaisang’s promise to be well behaved and not put himself in danger was soon put to the test. Even within the first few days, there were already incidents happening. Nothing too big on the whole, but only because it was caught on time: oxen getting annoyed, herds being spooked by somethings and nearly running in panic, and a pack of wolves that seemed to be following them from a safe distance, clearly waiting for a chance to strike.

“We’ll lose a few horses, probably some cows as well,” Huaisang predicted, before his face turned dark. “In bad years, we lose a child that wandered off.”

Lan Xichen shivered upon hearing this. He knew wolves were dangerous, of course, but they had never been part of his daily life. His uncle had warned him they might encounter some as they travelled west, but he had made it sound like a small risk compared to what some nomads might do to them if caught. Lan Xichen hoped he wouldn’t have to come anywhere near wolves, not when even someone as fearless as Zonghui would show caution when chasing them away from the herds.

Of course, younger men showed less fear. About a week into the start of the journey, one boy a little younger than Huaisang managed to shoot a wolf that had attacked a heifer under the cover of night. He proudly showed off his kill to the entire clan, and was treated like a hero by his peers. Even though the Khan advised against needless acts of courage, he too congratulated the boy for his success. Huaisang watched, clearly devoured by envy, but said nothing.

A few nights after, when there was another attack while Huaisang was keeping watch. It was a normal chore for young people, but for Huaisang it was a first, and the Khan had made it quite clear he shouldn't take it as an excuse to be reckless. So when he heard wolves, Huaisang dutifully told others to go after the animals and stayed safely behind. This time two wolves were killed, and again the Khan thanked the young people who had protected the herds while his brother seethed quietly.

The morning after, Huaisang was in a predictably dreadful mood as they resumed their journey. Sitting on his horse more stiffly than usual, Huaisang kept glaring at everyone, and looked ready to snap at whoever would dare to talk to him. Lan Xichen felt dreadfully sorry for his husband, especially as he was beginning to understand just how important that sort of heroism was among the nomads. The wolves’ pelts had been prepared to be kept right away both times, and Lan Xichen had been explained they’d either be sold for a very high price or kept as precious courting gifts, valued as highly as a good racing horse.

“You’ll have your turn too,” Lan Xichen told Huaisang when his husband kept glancing toward the heroes of the day. “Your brother will come to reason, sooner or later.”

Huaisang shrugged, his expression only becoming darker at that reassurance. Lan Xichen turned to Meng Yao, who was riding with them that day. He hoped that his friend would support him and encourage Huaisang to obedience, since he was so scared of the Khan himself, but Meng Yao shook his head.

“If the Khan was to ever trust Huaisang, it would have happened already,” he said, turning to Huaisang. “If you wait for his permission, you will be an elder and you will never have killed anything fiercer than a rabbit. Of course I’m not encouraging you to put yourself in danger,” Meng Yao quickly added when Lan Xichen frowned at him. “It would be very unwise to cross him, especially when he already has so many worries, trying to get everyone safely to the winter dwellings. Still… things are what they are.”

Huaisang sighed deeply.

“I really don’t want to bother him, but also… I could have killed one of those wolves last night. I could have!”he exploded, slightly startling his horse. “If Yasheng could, then anyone might have managed. It wasn’t even that big of a wolf, probably a pup born this spring!”

“Then why didn’t you try?” Meng Yao asked. “Don’t tell me you’re really expecting your brother to notice your obedience? He never pays attention to what you do, unless it crosses him, you know that.”

Lan Xichen felt a little annoyed at Meng Yao for saying that. It was a great misunderstanding of the Khan’s character in his opinion. Of course Meng Yao couldn’t understand how much Mingjue cared about his brother, and there was bad blood between him and the Khan. Still, even before learning of Huaisang’s secret, Lan Xichen wouldn’t have accused the Khan of being uncaring. A little clumsy in handling his emotions, yes, but right from the first moment he had known that Mingjue loved his brother dearly, and wanted nothing but his happiness.

“I’m trying something,” Huaisang evasively answered. “I’m a married man now, I can’t continue acting like a child. I have to show an example for my poor, unmarried brother so that he too can see the appeal of settling down.”

Meng Yao smiled indulgently at the weak joke, but he did not appear quite convinced by that explanation. Lan Xichen then promptly asked about a mountain range in the distance, eager to change the topic. Even if Huaisang had been doing well so far at keeping himself out of trouble, Lan Xichen worried that talking too much about this would tempt him to do something stupid.

For a few days, there were no more attacks on the herd. The pack of wolves that had followed them for a while seemed to have given up on pursuing them after such heavy losses. But this didn’t mean the animals were safe: soon enough, a few people spotted a solitary male trailing them, which Lan Xichen learned was far more worrying than a pack. Wolves did not do well on their own, and so that lone male might get desperate and attack just anything it would get close to -or anyone.

Still, this wasn’t the biggest worry on everyone’s mind. It had started snowing, and that was a more urgent concern. The snow remained light so far, but it was also constant, and everyone was worried they’d struggle to reach their wintering location. Everyone also kept a close eye on children and elderly people to make sure they did not suffer too much from the cold. Lan Xichen himself had some trouble with those temperatures, and was given as warm of a deel as could be found to wear under his Han robes and help him withstand this weather he wasn’t used to.

Quite shamelessly, Nie Huaisang also kept offering to help keep him warm, a devious smile on his lips. Lan Xichen always mildly scolded him for suggesting something so improper, while his husband laughed at his reaction. Mostly, Lan Xichen was annoyed that there was even less privacy than usual as they travelled, which meant they barely managed to kiss, let alone think of other things.

Not that he wasn’t happy with the time they spent together. Lan Xichen was glad that they could ride their horses together, that Huaisang was teaching him how to help around and be an active member of the clan, that they could chat whenever there was a moment of quiet. He enjoyed all this greatly. It was just that he had the ever growing certainty he’d also enjoy being perfectly alone with Huaisang to slowly peel away every layer of clothing on his husband’s body so he could kiss every inch of warm skin and…

And that was not a train of thought he ought to have had in public, Lan Xichen had to remind himself several times every day. The time for it would come, hopefully, but the time just wasn’t now.

On one snowy morning, it was decided that the time had come for the group to divide into two, since they were approaching one of the wintering spots that the clan used. They spent most of that morning checking who was going in what direction, whether nobody would be taking something that wasn’t theirs, and how soon someone should ride between the two camps to check that everyone had managed to settle according to plan. 

While Lan Xichen was rather untouched by all this activity, it wasn’t so for Meng Yao. It had initially been decided that he would go with the other group, but at the last moment Khan Mingjue changed his mind. Meng Yao would stay where the Khan could keep an eye on him, which meant all his possessions would have to be transferred to a different cart. So far he had been sharing the cart of Wenyan, a widow with whom he got along fairly well, and whose toddler was particularly attached to him. The child cried heavy tears the entire time Meng Yao moved his possessions, but the Khan had made up his mind and wouldn’t be moved.

It really was unfair, Lan Xichen thought. Maybe once the Khan had been convinced to trust his brother a little more, they would have to work on making him do the same with poor Meng Yao. When they started moving again around noon, Lan Xichen shared that idea with Huaisang who agreed that the situation was ridiculous, and they tried to find ideas on how to make the two reconcile.

It kept them busy for a good half of the afternoon, until they had the surprise of being joined by Meng Yao who should have been very far away already.

“Wenyan says that Cunzhi is missing,” Meng Yao urgently said when they asked why he had returned. “Nobody has seen him nearly since we separated, and she was afraid he managed to escape to come see me so she rode all the way here. Someone needs to warn the Khan, but her horse is tired and I… well, I can’t,” he sighed. “I’m already going to be blamed for this, I don’t want to be the one to tell him.”

“I’ll tell him,” Huaisang immediately said, already preparing to dash ahead, but Meng Yao shook his head.

“Isn’t it better if you send Lan gongzi and come with me to look for Cunzhi? He could be just anywhere, and you’re one of the best riders of the clan. If he’s out in the wild, I’m sure you’ll be the one to find him.”

This gave Huaisang pause. His hands tightened on his reins, and he glanced at Lan Xichen, to ask for his opinion. It was obvious that he desperately wanted to go. After all, finding that child would show people that he wasn’t just lazy and pampered, while also being far less dangerous than hunting wolves or calming an ox.

“Your brother won’t be happy if you go without his permission,” Lan Xichen still said. Huaisang’s face fell at the reminder. “The child is probably just hiding on a cart. I’ll go with Meng Yao to check if he wandered off, you warn your brother and see what he thinks should be done.”

With great reluctance, Huaisang agreed and sent his horse galloping toward the front of the group. Meng Yao watched him go with an unreadable expression, before turning his own horse around to go in search of the child while Lan Xichen followed suit. They joined up with a few others to check that the child hadn't been found, then quickly separated after agreeing to meet at a certain place. Meng Yao and two others went riding in the direction the other group ought to be while Lan Xichen retraced their steps. They all thought it unlikely that Cunzhi would have been just left behind, so it seemed enough to have just one person go that way. Meng Yao had volunteered, but the Khan did not allow for him to ride alone, so Lan Xichen was picked instead. 

Just as expected, Lan Xichen reached the site where they had camped for the night without seeing a trace of the child. He could easily have turned around then, but decided instead to check carefully. Unlikely didn't mean impossible. Jumping down from Shuoyue, Lan Xichen called Cunzhi’s name until he thought he spotted something in a small bush, a touch of red hidden under the snow covered branches. It could have been nothing more than a bird, or a scrap of fabric, but Lan Xichen thought it prudent to check.

Inside the bush, he found Cunzhi.

In spite of the warm clothes he wore, the child’s face and hands were a concerning shade of purple, and it was rather obvious that he had been crying a lot. Lan Xichen didn’t lose a moment. He fell to his knees and plunged his hands into the bush to retrieve the child, not noticing the way sharp thorns were tearing at his skin and sleeves. He was only glad to be wearing some of his own clothes over the deel lended to him, since it made it easier to protect the child’s face from those same thorns.

“No!” Cunzhi weakly cried out, refusing to leave his hiding place. He struggled without much strength, sluggish from the cold. “Cunzhi want Menyao!”

“I’ll take you to Meng Yao,” Lan Xichen replied, without much effect. The child started crying again, and wriggled with all that he had, trying to escape his rescuer. “Please, Cunzhi, calm down. Meng Yao is looking for you, don’t you want to see him again?”

“Cunzhi wait here! Cunzhi is good!”

Lan Xichen sighed, and tried to get up again. It was not an easy task with the toddler fighting against his grasp, and riding Shuoyue would be even worse. The horse had a good temperament and shouldn’t get spooked by the cries of a child on his back, but if Cunzhi managed to escape Lan Xichen’s grasp and fell, he might get seriously hurt. Not only was Lan Xichen worried for the child, but more selfishly he feared the Khan’s reaction, should something of the sort happen.

Hoping to calm the toddler and buy his cooperation, Lan Xichen started looking into his clothes for a snack of some sort. “Do you want something to eat, Cunzhi?” he asked. “If you’re good, you will get a treat, and you will also see Meng Yao and your mother.”

“Mama?” Cunzhi sobbed, clumsily wiping his eyes. “Cunzhi want mama. Cunzhi want mama now!”

“Then Cunzhi comes with Xichen,” Lan Xichen said, dangling a piece of aarduul in front of the child. “You’re going to be good, right? Your mother is very worried.”

To Lan Xichen’s immense relief, the food had the intended effect. Cunzhi’s tears slowed down a little as he stared at the aarduul, making a grabbing movement. The toddler had finally started to calm down when Shuoyue decided it was its turn to become agitated. The horse whined and neighing with ever increasing alarm. When Lan Xichen turned to see what the matter was, he found himself face to face with a wolf.

If Lan Xichen had known more about wolves, he might have noticed that the animal was rather thin, as if it hadn’t eaten well for a long while, and not a particularly impressive specimen overall. But for Lan Xichen, who had been expecting wolves to be nothing but a bigger and meaner sort of dogs, the encounter was terrifying. He was unarmed, away from anyone who might have helped him, and hindered by a child who, after seeing the wolf, had just started crying again from fright.

Lan Xichen’s first impulse was to run for it and try to reach Shuoyue, but the wolf stood between him and his nervous horse. The animal looked ready to bolt away at the first excuse anyway, making that option unsafe.

The wolf growled, and stepped closer.

Overcome by terror, Lan Xichen glared at it and shushed it.

“Quiet!” he ordered in the same annoyed tone he once used on his brother when they were children and Wangji had decided to learn the guqin on his own. The wolf growled again. Lan Xichen stomped his foot and changed his hold on Cunzhi so he could wave one arm menacingly, making his long sleeve waver before him. “I said quiet! I don’t have time to deal with this, so you’d better leave me alone!”

Noticing that the wolf seemed to be following the movements of his sleeve, Lan Xichen waved his arm more menacingly.

“Go!” he shouted. “Or else we’re both going to regret it! Go! Go now!”

The wolf hesitated, snarling at Lan Xichen who continued shouting, stomping, and waving his free arm until the animal decided that this prey wouldn’t be worth the effort. It walked away, turning to check on Lan Xichen every few steps. Lan Xichen continued shouting until he figured that the wolf was far enough, at which point he ran to Shuoyue, jumped on its back, and sent it running. The horse, just as terrified as its riders, galloped for longer than was safe, until they reached the place where he was supposed to meet the others looking for Cunzhi.

Lan Xichen was the first one there, though Cunzhi and him were not alone for very long. After a little while, a group of riders joined him coming from the main group of nomad rather than those who had split off, among which were Khan Mingjue and Huaisang.

“You found him!” Huaisang said, bringing his horse closer. He looked at Shuoyue, drenched in sweat, trembling with exhaustion, and frowned. “Which did you push your horse so hard? It was not so urgent.”

“I was worried Cunshi would become sick,” Lan Xichen said, figuring there was no need to reveal his encounter with a wolf. “He seems unwell, no?”

“Cunzhi cold,” the toddler mumbled. “Was scary. Snow, and big dog.”

“Big dog?” Khan Mingjue remarked, coming close as well and taking the child from Lan Xichen. “What big dog?”

“It’s nothing,” Lan Xichen said, looking away. “We had an encounter, but nothing to worry at all. Cunzhi is safe, yes?”

Huaisang turned pale, and grabbed his husband’s wrist.

“You fought a wolf?” he asked. For a moment, Lan Xichen feared that his husband would get jealous over that chance for glory, but Huaisang’s face showed nothing but open concern. “Are you hurt? Did it bite you? Your hands are bleeding!”

“Not from the wolf,” Lan Xichen replied, a little embarrassed. “I’m fine, really. I just shouted at the wolf until it went away.”

The nomads, at first, stared at him as if he had insulted their ancestors. Before too long, Khan Mingjue burst out laughing, followed in this by the entire group except Huaisang who only looked more worried. They were all still laughing when Meng Yao and the others with him reached the meeting point. After being brought up to date on the situation, they started laughing as well, though at that point everyone was also complimenting Lan Xichen for handling that situation so well. Lan Xichen, who had just been terrified, accepted the compliments with humility, convinced he had just been lucky. If the wolf had been a little hungrier, or a little stronger, both him and Cunzhi would have been in trouble.

Later on, as they were alone in their tent and getting ready for the night, Huaisang cuddled against his husband’s side and made him give a more detailed account of the encounter. Huaisang shivered the whole time, and by the end of the story his expression was quite grim.

“You were very unlucky to have met that wolf,” he said, “but very lucky that things went so well. From now on, you need to carry a sword.”

Lan Xichen agreed. Several people had already told him the same thing, including the Khan himself.

“I guess now I understand a little better why my brother is like this,” Huaisang said. He paused a moment, pressing himself harder against Lan Xichen’s side who wrapped his arms around him. “Don’t tell Mingjue I said that. He’ll be awful if he hears I can agree with him sometimes.”

“Isn’t he always awful?” Lan Xichen teased.

“Only when he’s right,” Huaisang retorted with a pout. “Which happens far too often.”

Lan Xichen chuckled, and pulled Huaisang closer to him, until his husband was almost sitting on his lap. He’d get embarrassed in a moment when the Khan returned to their tent, but right then, as it finally hit him just how much danger he’d been in, Lan Xichen needed this too much to care about shame.

[anime-alyssa]

eventually i will be able to remember to update frequently. support me on ko-fi if you liked this and enjoy! also on ao3. 

be’jetii masterlist

s i x.

It had been three months since you had last seen the Mandalorian. Han and Chewbacca helped you fix your ship up and you were back to living life on Tattooine as it had before, stealing things off of people and selling them for double the price. You still had your dreams, though, which were quite annoying. It was either the memory of your father passing, Luke leaving, or some positive memory with Luke. It was damn near painful sometimes but you sucked it up and got over it.

Your kyber crystal had been calling to more lately - which put you on edge. The more it called to you the more stressed you were - the Force was trying to tell you something but you couldn’t tell what it was. You even tried to meditate on it and you got nothing in response. Not a damn thing. You were frustrated - tired of all the clouded visions. All of this didn’t start happening until you met that damn Mandalorian and his foundling. Everything was perfectly fine up until then.

You had a sinking feeling in your stomach lately. Between the dreams and the feeling in your stomach along with your crystal calling to you, you were on edge 24/7. You didn’t want to bother Leia about it, as she could just tell you to go see her and figure it out. She was starting to get stressed too, no thanks to Han and Ben’s growing abilities. The last thing you wanted to do was to give her another problem to worry about, so you were on your own.

Your day started out like any other. You had taken your speeder to Mos Eisley to restock on some food that you had run out of and to see if any parts for your ship were on sale. You had that feeling in your stomach again but you had gotten used to ignoring it and moving on. The second you stepped into the marketplace though, something was off.

For starters, all eyes were on you. Which was strange because it wasn’t like you were an outsider. You frequented the market several times a week, everyone knew you and you knew them. Secondly, the Stormtroopers patrolling the area were a big red flag. You started to back up, which unfortunately backed you right up into one. You tried to scurry away but you were recognized.

“You there!” a Trooper in a Black uniform said. You froze as it walked up to you, starting to shake. “You were seen with a Mandalorian in these parts recently. You need to come with us.”

“Yeah I was seen with a Mandalorian who tried to take me in. I don’t know where he is.” you said defensively. You saw the Trooper look over at his partner quickly before he draw his blaster out and pointed it at you. "You're kidding me, right?" you groaned.

"You are coming with us." he threatened you. You rolled your eyes as you sprung into action, throwing a punch in between the legs - just as a blaster shot was fired in the distance at the Trooper. You didn't think twice as you pulled another punch at a Trooper and dashed off to your speeder. You were being shot at by other Troopers now, at double the shot.

"So they found out." you heard a familiar, modulated voice say from the side of you.

"How did I know this would be your fault?" you asked the Mandalorian as the two of you ran to your speeder, starting it up and high-tailing it away from the marketplace. There were still a few on your trail that he was shooting out, the sounds of your speeder, his shots, and the laughter of the kid echoing through your ears. At least someone was having a good time.

"Someone must have said something. We need to get off this planet - go left!" he said to you.

"What, to your ship?!" you asked bitterly. You wanted to get to your home, which was safe for you. To your ship where you could get the hell off the planet and hide.

"Do you want to lead them back to your home?" he snapped. Okay, so he had a point. You didn't want them going back to your home, even as remote and hidden as it was in the mountains. You veered your speeder left as he kept shooting, the kid toppling over in the process. "Watch it!" the Mandalorian shouted to you as the kid started to whimper.

"Strap him in or something!" you shouted back to him. You could see his ship coming up in the distance and in an effort to get there faster, started to kick up the auxiliary. "Hold on!" you told the Mandalorian as you punched forward, hearing him grunt in response. A shot nearly hit you but the Mandalorian acted quickly as you approached his ship in a matter of seconds, slamming on the breaks.

"Next time, I drive." he huffed as he grabbed the child and your arm and dragged you out of the speeder.

"Hey - my - "

"Shut up and get on the ship!" the Mandalorian said as he put the baby in the ship. You grunted as you listened, running onto his ship as you watched him board your speeder in the cargo hold. Well at least he did one nice thing for you. The Mandalorian closed the hangar door and jumped up to the cockpit, grabbing the baby as he climbed the ladder. You followed as you heard Troopers now beginning to fire on the ship.

"Where the hell are we going?" you asked him as you picked the child up from the co-pilots chair and sat yourself down in it.

"Far enough away that Moff Gideon and his army won't find us." Now that made your stomach lurch. Moff Gideon is someone who you know has been continuing the Empire on a low-key basis, thanks to Leia, somehow faking his death. She's been trying to catch him in the act for years but hasn't been able to find him or come close.

"Excuse me did you say - " The ship started to take off the ground in a hurry, you lurching forward in your seat and holding the baby tightly.

"Shut up now, ask questions later." the Mandalorian snapped. You glared at the back of his helmet as he piloted the ship out of the planet's atmosphere and then promptly, into hyperspace. You let out a breath that you didn't know you were holding and sunk back into the seat. The kid started to tap on your arms happily, excited to see you again clearly.

"So now will you tell me why Moff Gideon is after you?" you asked him. He turned to look at you and sighed.

"He was the one who put the bounty out on the kid last year. I thought I killed him last year but somehow, he's survived. He has the kid's tracking fob still active and can hunt us down anywhere." the bounty hunter explained to you.

"You've got to me kidding me." you said to him. "You're a bounty hunter how did you not kill him right the first time around?" you asked again, frustrated.

"I thought crashing his TIE fighter was enough. I thought wrong." he said, annoyance over his tone. You scoffed and rolled your eyes at him. "Look, I only found this out a couple of weeks ago when he tried to shoot me down in the Outer Rim. I didn't know he'd try to find you." he added semi-apologetically.

"Yeah well you better fucking hope he doesn't trace the kid and I back to Chandrilla or your ass is dead." you said, your mind flashing to Leia and Ben. He wouldn't try to go after them, right? Especially not since Leia is a senator, right? Who in their right mind would go after a senator?

"Relax. They're protected enough, he wouldn't dare. Too risky." the Mandalorian said to you. You sighed in relief as the kid babbled happily in your arms. A silence fell upon you, an uncomfortable one. You still had questions for him, but you knew he'd get annoyed the more questions you asked.

"Where are we going?" you figured that question was safe, you deserved to know where you were headed.

"Nevarro." he answered after a long pause, probably aware of what your reaction would be.

"Are you serious?" you asked him in disbelief. Leia had told you about a shoot-out on Nevarro from a year ago with a bunch of Imperials, you assumed now that was the instance in which he thought he killed Gideon. Why on earth he was bringing you there was beyond you.

"I need supplies and a job. It's a pitstop before we keep going." he added. You supposed he was right and that it was a good reason, but back to the planet were it all happened was a mistake to you.

"So what, we're going to just keep moving and hope he doesn't find us?" you asked him.

"Yup." the Mandalorian left it at that. You huffed in annoyance and aggravation that you were dragged into something that you didn't want to be apart of. That you had to leave behind your home, your life, because of this stupid bounty hunter. "If we keep moving, it’s easier to throw them off." he added to try to make the situation better, or to make you understand.

"Yeah, I know. I'm not an idiot. I was apart of the rebellion for a day." you said to him. That got him to turn his attention to you.

"A day?" he asked.

"Yeah and then my father got killed so I left. Anything else you want to know?" you asked him. That seemed to shut him up and he turned back to staring out the window of the ship in hyperspace. You let out a small sigh as you leaned back into your seat.

You had forgotten that you had the kid in your arms until he started to tap on your shoulder to get your attention. He stared up at you wide-eyed and a smile on his little face, making your heart melt. He started to do that thing like the last time - flashing images through your mind to communicate with you.

He showed images of what he and the Mandalorian have been up to the past few months - different hunts and things. The kid was particularly proud of a moment where he managed to make all the guns in the Mandalorian's armory float by using the Force. It made you laugh because of how stressed the Mandalorian was, but the little guy wanted you to be proud of him. He wanted you to be proud of him because he knew that you understood him.

And then he played a scene in your head that you weren't expecting to see.

——

Lightsaber in hand, you attacked. Or at least, you tried too. Your opponent was stronger than you and you were struggling to come up against them. The blade hummed as you retreated, panting for breath and sweat pouring down your body.

"Again." your father said to you, going back to his first position and watching you. You sighed and nodded, working to gather your composure.

You brought your saber up to your fighting position and went for it again. Naturally, Obi-Wan Kenobi was able to block your attacks with ease, every single damn one. It made you frustrated, angry - how were you supposed to learn to win if the only partner you have is/was a Jedi Master?

"Clear your head - don't let your thoughts take control." he lectured to you, striking back at one of your attacks. You groaned this time as you attempted to keep going.

"I'm trying but considering I can't get a single move in on you, yeah I'm a bit fed up!" you said to him in annoyance. You were starting to get angry - but you couldn't. Anger was for the Sith and you were not going to be a Sith. Hell, you didn't even think you should be a Jedi but here you were.

"Again. Let go of how you are feeling and try." your father certainly had a way with words. You took a deep breath in, for a moment to long it seemed, and your father went to strike you, but this time you were able to block him. "Better already." he commented.

With that bout of confidence you were able to gain a new sense of strength and battle with him. The sounds of your sabers clashing echoed off the mountains and were was sand in your shoes and you were tired and exhausted - but you finally had bested your father, the great Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"You can do whatever you want - so long as you try hard enough and put your mind to it. I know you can."

That was the last time you had ever fought with your father. The next day, Luke Skywalker came along looking for him with his two droids and everything changed.

——

You visibly jumped back and let out a gasp. How in the hell did the baby dig into your memory to uncover that? He was a baby - but he wasn't an ordinary baby. He was a powerful, force sensitive baby. But the fact that he chose that memory - a memory of you fighting back when you were a Jedi Knight. You knew what you had to do, as much as you didn't like it, it was the best option for him. And for you.

"What did he show you?" the Mandalorian asked. You shook your head quickly and turned to face the beskar. You couldn't truly tell him, of course. But if he was actually asking you, it meant that you looked just as shaken up as you felt.

"It's not what he showed me... it's what he pulled from my own memory." you said to him. The Mandalorian tilted his helmet to the side as the baby babbled to himself in your lap. You heard a sigh come through the modulator.

"He's... never done that before. To me. It's something new every day. First, it's saving me from the Mudhorn, then it's harming someone, floating things..." he said from next to you with a sigh. You nodded back, taking in a deep breath yourself. "He needs someone like him - who can help him. I can't help him, Kenobi. Do you know anything about that Jedi that can help us?" he asked.

You started to shake, and it must have been visible because the baby cooed at you and the Mandalorian got out of his chair, putting an arm on your shoulder. It was supposed to be a sign of comfort you thought, but it only made you more nervous. He was right - he needed someone who could help him. That wasn't going to be you, so your only option was -

"Luke Skywalker is his name. I can help you get to him."

@waiting-for-motivation @domino-oh-damn @theocatkov @killtherandomness @mrsparknuts @wolf-lover74 @the-sparkism @jedi-dreea @buckysalefty

[spooner-the-trinity]

How Infinity Train pulled from Infinity War’s Playbook for Doctor Who’s final curtain

Funding for Shaffrilas is provided by: Skillshare, the sponsor of today’s video. Stay tuned for a train ride to discountkosh at the end of the video.

O hai, Tetsuya Nomura. That’s a nice hole you’re digging with your Kingdom Hearts, what do you wanna do with it? Keep digging? Why thou? O for a production company? That’s great, whacha gonna do with it? Name and develop the town the Toy Story flicks take place in? Yeah, alright. Add the goofy jock from Glee as a best friend for Andy that the Triceratops assumes is just a Dinosaur Toy down the street? What a funny joke idea! Nix the final playtime they’ve hoped to cap off the film with and save it for a later project? A tad disappointing, but alright. Make Sora a vessel for Xehanort? Whoa, that sounds hella har- A sexy Genie of the Rose who grants a wish for every petal on that collar-mounted rose of hers? Unique concept, but I smell some Hans Christian Anderson shi- The genie’s life force is bound to the Rose so she croaks when the last petal falls ala Beauty and the Beast? And there it is, Color me unsurpri- The Genie finds Andy and drags him into a sex scene to the tune of Aladdin’s Friend Like Me? I don’t think the parents would be okay with their kids watchi- Toonami’s airing this show? Wait, isn’t it on a competing networ- Lewis from Meet the Robinsons is Deleted by DOR-15 Ala the Nanobots from Jimmy Neutron? Mister Enter would be insulted on how you did his favorite Disney flick dirty like thi- Andy is shot into a wormhole and is mutated into a photosensitive Beast? Guys, It’s starting to look like a bad ide- The Genie is an aged-up Bonnie and she’s pregnant with Shantae!? Get me off this crazy tr-

Infinity Train Productions is one of the boldest associates Disney has in its corner right now, from wrestling away ownership of three Gainax originals to collaborating with competing animation company Dreamworks, the IT guys are pretty renowned for their kooky crossovers and kookier cinematic universe. And they’ve made sure to make their acquired goods count towards that universe instead of burn it to the ground LUCASFILM. Starting off by stating this is a universe where Second Impact prevented the assassination of JFK by means of tanging up 13% of the world’s population and weaved a few stitches of train tracks across the globe, naturally the space race escalates exponentially and they begin to develop new technologies and elect Walt Disney himself to be the President of the United States with Nixon as his running mate. That alone resulted in a Sequel Show to Brigadoon where a 24-year-old Marin Asagi boards the Challenger and ends up cast into the future with Melan, a retelling of the first arc of Gurren Lagann that featured Yui Ikari as a supporting character that saves Kamina from death, a twenty-six episode miniseries featuring Andy from the Toy Story gaining a magical genie bound to an enchanted rose, and that’s just the first half of its initial decade. I could go on about its repertoire of shows both original and acquired: Twelve Forever, Evangelion, both Arcadia trilogies with the elder of the two being started by the aformentioned show with that genie of the rose titled, erm… Genie of the Rose, but the one I’m aiming my sights on is the latest acquisition, one that they made in secret. Doctor Who and how they pulled from the playbook of Infinity War to bring the story to its last stop. 

Now, quick recap on how Infinity War makes a powerfully heartfelt mass market appeal joyride out of a thoroughly depressing story about failure. Where most Marvel Villains are merely obstacles for the characters to overcome, Thanos acts and reacts as a real person. Where most conflict have certain factors that tip the scales in the favor of who’s tipping them, the conflict is one where either side could come out victorious, where the Comedy of the Last Farcebender ended with the good guys laughing off their failure, Infinity War ended with a content smile from Thanos and our heroes dead silent save for a minor peep of: “Oh, god.” Where the bad decisions in Farcebender are made from genuine stupidity, Infinity War’s stem from worrying whether or not certain sacrifices are worth it. With that crash course out of the way, let’s dig in.

First thing’s first, is the villain a compelling character? Well, although Sacha Dhawan has the same unhinged energy expected out of any incarnation of longtime enemy, the Master, complete with moments of geniuine affection to his former best beff, he’s ultimately not the main baddie of this piece, that honor goes to Alrick. Believed to be dead after a dirtbike accident, it turns out that he had been picked up by the train and has spent a good three decades or so fucking with the systems to construct an empire starting with the crazy world of Elmore all the way to the Lanes Between and yes, he has shown himself to be a caring father figure to Grace and Simon throughout the second half of Cracked Reflections which leads into the episode, he’s concerned for his future as he’s clearly not as lively as he was when he first climbed aboard and even expresses hope for Jesse returning to the train after taking the exit and getting seperated from MT. And oh, look! He returns after the big moment, that’s nice. 

So yeah, compelling villain, that’s one tick. Is there equal opportunity for either side to win? Well, MT and early on Jesse before his aformentioned exit have the additional assistance of the Watterson family, Banana Joe, and seemingly Penny for a scene only to reveal her in a new shell complete with mind-control and reflective surface to sick the Po-Po on MT. But despite being the protagonist of his show of origin, she’s not the opposing side to Alrick this time around, it’s the wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey biatch herself and man, does it set up a curious comparison. Alrick is focusing his will into projecting his consciousness into the Doctor’s heart, an alien with countless eons worth of memories under her belt compared to Alrick’s measly sixtysomeodd laps around the sun. Not only that, but the Doctor is able to expel regeneration energy to fry the shit out of him if he feels the need to get a little messy. But with her locked up in the Time Lord Matrix which the Master has already skimmed through, there’s nowhere for the Doctor to run or even hide from Alrick. Throw in the Master’s ability to have his mind occupy two hearts at the same time whilst he’s chatting it up with the Lone Cyberman and the Doctor’s pretty pinned but still has a chance to outfox Alrick at the end of it all.

Bad decisions, the Doctor doesn’t trade lives so she keeps asking about the Timeless Child, what it’s supposed to be and why it drove the Master into absolutely butchering Galifrey after all the hard work each incarnation of the Doctor had. It turns out that this Timeless Child was a Pheonix Denizen created by Alrick to create a perfect world but One-One cast it out in hard-light beam form, striking Takeru and Ryou from This Ugly Yet Beautiful World from 2018. From the clipped wings came Hikari and Akari respectively whilst the main body crashed out of a wormhole into the sights of Tecteun who adopted the kid in time for a spaceship of highly-evolved snake people to crash land due to Kate and Leopold rules of time travel causing their machinery to get mucked up by Time Police in an episode of Rick and Morty of all shows, causing the child to fall to its doom and promptly regenerate, making her the first to do so in Galifreyan history. One of the survivors offers the gift of Time Travel in exchange for the power of Regeneration and Tecteun, scientist and explorer, jumps at the chance by means of tearing out the child’s soul for every three days that elapse. Obviously, she’s a fucking monster and she eventually does crack the code and test it on herself and the results allow the gift of time travel to bestowed upon the newly minted Timelords by Omega. Wow, all of this from a formally great show, (Doofenshmertz: what are the odds.) The Doctor is obviously unsurprised that Omega dangled the keys to time travel over the heads of the Shobagan race, but what horrifies her is that the very thing she and every other Time Lord we’ve seen had taken for granted was pilfered from a denizen that she learns after the life of abuse was created by some dude who hijacked some Train Car manufacturing equipment to build a perfect world. And it’s here where we see the main lynchpin of Alrick’s character: Perfection.

Those of you who’ve seen the whole series of Cracked Reflections will know that Alrick is an obsessive perfectionist first and foremost hence the plan to transform every Denizen of Elmore into full-blooded humans with leftover energy from this same Timeless Child. But not many of us recognize that this is only part of Alrick’s shtick. A simple man with complicated motives, a futurist in the trade of nostalgia, a conservative obsessed with progress, a gentle mentor with an impatient temper. These are just a handful of the ways to describe Walt Disney that were used by Ben Bouqulet, Mic Graves, and Owen Dennis to depict Alrick over the course of the last two seasons of Gumball leading into Cracked Reflections and Garrick Hagon truly gives his all portraying all the various shades of this man especially here when he is sharing his story of how he created a literal god only for One-One to cast it aside upon regaining control of the train from the very woman he spent the past 33 years building a perfect world for, a woman he cherishes like his older sister cherished his girlhood friend, a woman that even now still believes him to be ‘One-One: Gone forever?’ That is some next level tragic shit right there. 

Of course, the Doctor is still concerned for this child and it’s here where a familiar face crashes the party to let the cat out of the bag, Morbius from the Fourth Doctor Adventure Brain of Morbius outing himself as the infamous Timeless Child as well as harboring his disembodied heart in the Doctor after his ill-fated Mindbending Battle. This swerve may have served to provide added tension towards his motives, is he really wanting to go back to his home and views traveling with the Doctor as his only way there, or is he biding his time, waiting for his chance to overwhelm the Doctor when she’s not looking. As we see more of Morby’s checkered past in excruciating detail, slavery to the Division with everything down to his personality programmed and dictated into a mind-melded Morby by an enigmatic cult dubbed ‘The Master Writers’ An organization build solely and specifically for Infinity Train Productions to use in their portfolio of works. And when they were done with their enslaved progenetor, the Division in which they served lined him up for an execution from the Fugitive Doctor, during the 2nd Doctor’s orientation. Then they promptly merc poor Ruthie to regenerate her into the 3rd Doctor, closing the gap between Troughton and Pertwee. So yeah, The Division, they’re run by total assholes and Numero Dos only agrees to work there if his first assistant is longtime companion Jamie McCrimmon. But look at his face, does this look like the face of concent and tolerance to you? ‘Joe (Help, I’m a Fish!): Of course not!’ Props to Sam the Man with a Plan Troughton for filling his father’s shoes in this emotionally tense scene. And this ain’t the chilling twist that shocked the fandom. 

Alrick: “Whoever harbors the heart of the child is the child in of itself.“

Doctor: “Wot?”

Alrick: “It means that I will have my prize whether you like it or not!” (Punches through the Doctor’s Chest, crushes the Smash Ball within, causing the Doctor to turn into a pheonix before dissipating into Alrick’s body with the Smash Ball. Alrick’s Number skyrockets as his body regresses to his prime, the man laughing maniacally as the Timeless Child’s ultimate power rushes into him)

So yeah, Morby’s been reconstituting his powers over the centuries the Doctor had lived hence the golden energy during the later regenerations. How we find this out is by the titular character of the BBC’s last remaining reason towards that sweet TV Licence Money getting outright merced by Alrick in front of a guy that deep down still admires his childhood friend. This closes out An Untimely Caviat, the final episode in Doctor Who’s revived series, and leads us right into the finale of Cracked Reflection where he goes full on Disney Villain. Mercing the Master to make him a conduit to gijinkafy the entirety of Elmore, Co-Opting his Cybermaster drones as a mechanical army, ludiccrous speed incubating a pocket-dimension frog to house the Train Cars his empire had conquered via that same energy he channeled through the aformentioned Master, yeah, this does not sound like the man Amelia planned to marry if not had already married outright. Well, that’s the point. He’s drunk with power, it’s more likely that this is his ambition talking. No doubt he’s relishing in his own arrogance much to Marnie’s horror. Oh, yeah, Old Marnie’s doing her astral projection thing to react to her younger brother’s madness and watches on as MT gets roughed up by Super Alrick in front of an audience of his adopted children.

Of course, MT does find some santuary in the Number Car and re-unites with Jesse, resulting in the now sempailess Agent Sieve phasing through the glass screen whilst the train is figuring out how to solve Jesse’s seemingly unsolvable problem of getting a denizen off the train. But that just gives the Fleck some time to witness the madness of this rumored Apex fella as he ankleholds MT and gijinkafies Gumball and Darwin to demonstrate his final offer, her response is to break out a Denizen Ex Machina by prompting Alan Dracula to slice the monkeyfigher in half, causing him to regenerate into a pair of innocent, mindless little babies that will never bother anyone ever again… The Crown grieve for their master, Sieve calls off the manhunt for the rouge slither, the companions go their seperate ways with Graham staying on Earth to deliver the bad news the two youngest raising the two babies up to the Doctor’s standard… or at least one of them due to Yaz getting arrested by a Judoon Platoon before she could legally adopt Zarc. The expression of the companions are grim, and rightfully so, the one guy-or-gal that has kept the 21st century from falling into tyranny is no longer around to do the job they enjoyed doing whenever there was a sitch to see through. But after the wide shot of Yaz getting locked up in Shada we cut to MT, off the train and safe with Jesse in Arizona. Jesse’s brother Nate comes up to find his older brother with the very Chrome Girl he met on a magical train, Nate asks for the girl’s name and her answer?

Jesse: Dracula 2?

MT: (looks to the Lake, concerned that the Flecks would come after her but eases up when its clear that there are no Flecks coming.) I’m Lake.

We get a nice little callback to close out the series as the song Kibō plays in the credits, indicating that Hope is still out there in the cosmos, Doctor or No Doctor. And that is a powerful message to send to the audience and I have a pretty good feeling that whether or not the Doctor ends up getting revived in Kingdom Hearts III alongside all the absent heroes that Infinity Train productions had raked in over the years doesn’t quite matter, the studio does not need Doctor Who and its universe does not need the Doctor. And I have a pretty good feeling that the Doc may end up giving up their ticket back into the land of the living, leaving the universe to all the other champions of the cosmos that Toonami has flaunted over the decades. The Doctor has overcome many frightening, haunting, tyrannical, violent and downright Orwellian things in life and man, oh, man have we got a whole plate of them to overcome even now. Would I go back to this expansive world for further analysis, sure, if the views get gud. But the impact of the Doctor’s Death is a pretty big deal that actually caught a bunch of us by surprise despite the minor hints scattered throughout. (One-One: All aboard for emotional maturation on the finest freighter in all of Trenzalore) The Destiny of the Doctor News heard around the world, and the outpour of memories and grief rivalling even Mr. Peanut but unlike the legendary legume, our favorite timelord will probably be gone for a lot longer than just a couple of weeks and the time it takes will show how deep the rabbit hole goes. It will also show who’s willing to step up and find ways to make a difference in the lives of others, and they’re going to need to learn a thing or two to do so. (Cletus from the Simpsons Movie with the Skillshare Logo slapped onto his face in post: My time to shine.)

[brehacrgana]

just watched TROS and i have NO WORDS... (except i also have many). what was that

at about half of the movie one guy stood up, put on his jacket and left...I don’t think he was wrong

spoilers below (the bad and the good - however little that might be). please come to talk if you’ve seen the movie

first of all...WHAT THE FUCK. what the fuck...i sat through the movie and i had to laugh at times because whatever was happening was so absurd shit i couldn’t even imagine. at other times i just sat with my mouth open and could not believe they really went there...it was that bad. how in the world is this the end of star wars

the way the movie started... in the title sequence...”THE DEAD SPEAK” lol. palpantine’s return or whatever shit announced immediatly (which i didn’t expect would happen); then the first scene of kylo ren in slo-mo killing some random people (literally who was that) in some woods and then finding palpantine’s cave or something where palps told him “hurr hurr i created snoke...i was every voice in your head...kill the girl” - sir how are you even alive. i literally don’t remember if this was explained in the movie and i don’t think so

rey - jesus christ. girl. i don’t know what they did to her character. but anyway. in the beginning of the movie leia did some jedi training with rey and i loved that...especially when rey adressed leia with “master”! but in the start of that scene rey was flying in the air while doing some meditation and that was absurd imo / i laughed lol. then kylo ren showed up because of that force bond shit and rey messed up her training which sucked

nice scene: finn and poe returning from some mission and meeting/reuniting with rey on the rebellion’s home base - rey and poe bickered a bit, rey and finn hugged...i liked that

rey finn and poe and chewie went to a desert planet where some party was going on. nice scene: rey talked to an alien being there and it was a cute, nice interaction that would have been heartwarming

lando shows up, points them to some cave, where a big snake or something was which had an injury lol...rey gave it some life power through the force  and healed it. LOL: foreshadowing...

kylo ren and the knights of ren (lol who are they even) show up on that planet. while the others try to make a ship ready to leave, rey (why...) goes and stands in the middle of the desert waiting for kyle ron to show up or whatever. he does of course and races at her with his ship, she does that jump from the trailer and cuts his ship in half. it crashes and explodes. no, kylo somehow doesn’t die from that. meanwhile poe and finn told chewie to get rey bc they have to leave (knights of ren approaching), but while rey is busy doing whatever the fuck that was, chewie gets captured by some stormtroopers and is led on their transport ship. it takes off. finn screams to rey “they have chewie” and rey uses the force to try and drag that ship back to the ground...kylo emerges and also uses the force on that ship, and they have a force battle until rey does palpantine style force lightning on that ship. it completely explodes. everyone thinks chewie is dead. i was really horrified, not gonna lie, like rey...

but lol. SOMEHOW chewie was on another transport ship (lol???? where was that) and is alive after all. they go to rescue him. while they fly to the stardestroyer where chewie is being kept prisoner, rey says that “yada yada people say they know me but nobody does” to finn and it is awful... arrived on the star destroyer, finn and poe want to free chewie, while rey fucks off to do her own thing and go to kylo’s quarters. force bond kylo appears, they fight blabla, he tells her...

“oh you wanted to take my hand, i kNoW YoU you’re a palpatine, he was your grandfather” ................................................ i read the spoilers so i knew this was gonna come, but seriously???? what a crack fucking theory. REY PALPANTINE!  I QUIT!!!

flashback to rey’s parents who look like nice people who tried to protect her by leaving her on jakku. palps killed them after they didn’t tell him where rey was

meanwhile finn poe and chewie are captured, stormtrooppers are going to execute them. then hux steps in hilariously, kills the stormtroopers, and is like “i’m the spy for the rebellion.” i laughed

who is zorii...or whatever her name was.

the trio gang goes to that planet where the remains of the death star are...they meet a group of horse riders, one of them jannah. i loved her! i really did. she was one of the bright spots for me in that shitshow. her and finn talk, she also used to be a stormtrooper and has the same story as finn

also Finn was shown very clearly to be force sensitive! loved that

rey does another solo trip and goes to the remains of the death star...where she meets dark!rey which was hilarious and absurd. they fight and at one point dark!rey hissed and bared her teeth at rey - i actually scream laughed

well then kylo ron came to that planet, the water fight scene happened, and actually rey fucking killed him!!! he died! cut to leia. she says “ben” and then somehow just actually dies too. seriously. just like that. FROM WHAT???

anyway rey feels that leia has died and lol idk she’s like oh know and resurrects kylo with the force. yeah. lol. she’s then like “yeah i did want to take your hand...ben’s hand” and cries and leaves

really...who is ben. why do you care. what

on the rebellion base people are gathered around leia’s dead body and i don’t remember her name, but lupita nyongos character say “farewell, dear princess” and that almost made me cry

back to kylo. he’s looking at the ocean in contemplation. suddenly a voice behind him says “hey, kid”. he turns around and it’s han fucking solo. LOL

they basically play out the same scene as in tfa just before kylo killed han except this time he doesn’t. han says kylo ron died and kylo yeets his lightsaber into the water.

ok, another hilarious absurd scene: rey goes to luke’s exile planet and sets kylo’s ship (which she took to fly there) on fire. she’s throwing the lightsaber in the flames but oh! a hand yeets out of the flames! it’s force ghost luke who caught the saber and is like oh you should be more careful with a jedi’s weapon.

luke then shows her LEIA’S LIGHTSABER and there’s a flashback scene of LEIA AND LUKE DOING JEDI TRAINING !!!! a good part of the movie

rey takes both lightsabers and flies to palpantine’s planet. she meets him in his cave. palps does he’s usual unimaginable power shit...”i want you to kill me...then my soul will go over to you and all the siths that have ever been will live in you”. whatever

“ben” also shows up of course, he kills the kights of ren with the lightsaber that was magically teleported to him by rey i guess

rey and “ben” face palps together. he is like oh your bond is so strong, let me take all your energy...very reminiscent of dementor’s in harry potter movies sucking out their souls lol. they drop to the ground, unconscious. palps lifts “ben” up and yeets him into a big abyss.

there was a nice scene in between of poe grieving for leia and saying he doesn’t know what to do/how they can make it, but then lando shows up and they talk about how lando and the old trio back in the day didn’t know how to make it either, but they still tried etc. and made it

ok another nice scene: while palps is doing super force lightning to destroy the rebel fleet or whatever, rey is on the ground gatherig strength and she hears the voices of old jedi masters...obi wan! anakin i’m pretty sure also!

then there’s a nice shot of her standing up and facing the emperor with lightsaber in hand.

she kills him, but dies doing it.

but wait lol...”ben” somehow crawls back out of that abyss to cry over her dead body. he also revives her with force power. they look at each other sappily and kiss.......no words. they fucking really went there

actually when that happened the people in the cinema made a lot of sounds, some said ew lmao others just laughed

then “ben” dies for good lol. people scream laughed

in the end there was a nice rebellion victory celebration scene, i always like scenes like that

rey goes to tattoine and buries the lightsabers of luke and leia who show up via force ghost. somehow rey then has a yellow lightsaber in her hand. some old woman comes along and asks who are you? rey says...i’m rey.....skywalker and then watches the sunset. the end.

in spoilers i read it was said that rey says she feels incomplete without kylo and goes to live on tattoine alone for the rest of her life. maybe i blacked out and didn’t get that, but i did not see it. it did not happen, right?

when the movie ended some people in the cinema actually started clapping.

lol. i don’t know what that was...yeah it had some good moments, but it really was the worts star wars movie of all times for me. it was wild and absurd and stupid as fuck and i am so, so disappointed. TFA i loved, there was so much potential there...but then tlj happened and somehow tros eneded up even worse than that. i don’t know what the worst part for me was, rey palpantine, leia’s death in that manner, reylo... it was a mess. it actually makes me really sad. bye felicia

[unwiltingblossom]

Queen’s Gambit (MLQC/Mysme 1/?)

Queen’s Gambit

Summary: After catastrophically failing to secure the international program she’d gotten her hopes up about, Youran decides to take it upon herself to dabble in international programming anyway. By chance, the first place that takes her is South Korea. When it comes to the Queen, though, is anything truly by chance?

AU where there is no second outbreak after the first mess she solves.

[Timeline AU: Everything up to chapter 10 is as usual, chapters 11-14 are basically the same, but chapter 15 is skipped straight into 16. Why? Because there is no second wave in this one, MC isn’t so busy with the literal end of the world that she can’t do her job.

Mysme follows Casual/Deep story, not Another story.

Note that spoilers that come from chapter 15+ (especially 18+) are probably going to be present in the story anyway. Because reasons. If you’re caught up to that point, you know what they are.

You better bet your sweet patoot the MCs are named.]

Chapter 1

Her dream was a mess of chaotic colors, interspersed by images so vivid that they hurt, pressed into her physically somehow. Something shot across the night sky, a giant flaming star that burned through the night brightly enough to leave behind an after image. a mirror cracked and darkness spilled outward, crashing over her like the ocean tide and sweeping her away.

When her feet settled on the ground once more and her eyes opened, she stood on a street, gray and indistinct. A haunting melody played in the distance, and though barefoot she walked toward it.

In the gloom, a woman stood, only her silhouette visible, long hair flowing in a wind that could not be felt. Her hand reached out, a silent offer, a beckoning invitation.

The ground opened up, gray spilling into blackness, and she felt herself falling.

She shot upward in the bed, eyes opening, her own sharp gasps all that broke the silence of the dimly lit hotel room.

Ever since that day in the facility, even though her memories of that place were a little hazy again, her dreams had been much clearer and more specific than they used to be. So...if her dream was that chaotic and confusing, maybe it wasn’t an important one this time? It wasn’t like she didn’t still have normal ones, after all, and jet lag could give anyone bad dreams.

She ran her fingers through her hair with a sigh as she shuffled into the attached bathroom with a sigh.

Right...that’s right. This was her first morning abroad. Not ever, obviously, but on her current project. She’d done all she could from home, but despite extensive planning and negotiating, the attempts to have the interview at home fell through. She could have given up her plan to secure interviews with the richest and most successful businessmen under 30 around the world...but she refused.

Besides just being stubborn, the opportunity to make international business connections and pounce on the opportunity to make content for other countries was too tantalizing after that one with the US company fell through. And was a sham to begin with. That, too. It also wouldn’t hurt to secure funding that didn’t solely come from LFG and its mercurial CEO.

She didn’t mention that part to said CEO, who had insisted on traveling with her despite the fact that she was pretty sure South Korea had basically nothing to do with the US, and therefore anyone involved in that...event.

Well, at least it was just him, and not the over protective security guards he’d glued to her side for a while there. She could only imagine how unbearable it would be trying to aggressively negotiate when a spilled cup of coffee on the part of the businessman she planned to see that day might result in him being hogtied or something.

Thinking about it, Victor may have just decided to come along instead because he didn’t want to pay legal fees in such a scenario.

Her head felt clearer now after the shower, and she glanced at her phone-

when did it get so late?!

She pointedly ignored the acidic text that Victor had sent her instead of actually waking her, and burst out of the door into the living room. It had a living room, this hotel room, as well as three bathrooms and two bedrooms. And a kitchenette. She wasn’t the one paying for it, though, so she hadn’t really complained about it, despite the fact that it was clearly Victor still being overly cautious.

“I’m gonna be late!”

Victor had the gall not to look at all concerned, despite his usual insistence on punctuality. “It suddenly makes sense why you never have your reports on time.”

She made it about halfway across the room, stumbling as she tried to get her shoes on whilst also walking, before he spoke again. “Do you really expect to conduct a negotiation and an interview on an empty stomach?”

“I can’t help that I don’t have ti-”

She squinted at him.

Now that she actually took note of her surroundings...there were no sounds to be heard, other than the sound of Victor setting out plates. Through the window, two low flying birds froze in place, midair. The second hand of the clock on the wall didn’t move.

His soft chuckle broke the silence. “Dummy.”

--

He neglected to say how long he’d frozen time before she’d noticed, but she was tempted to blame sleeping in on the fact that her alarm physically couldn’t have gone off, and there were no other sounds to wake her either.

Whatever the case was, though, they did indeed have time to make it to the C&R building, even after she accidentally got turned around and confused and had to endure a snarky lecture from Victor about how to read a map. Maybe he should try reading a map in a foreign language!

....He could.

Well, that wasn’t the point.

There actually wasn’t time to take a taxi to the building and Victor apparently didn’t just have a car at the ready (”I didn’t expect a certain sleeping ‘princess’ to decide to wait until the last possible moment to wake up.”), so they walked briskly instead.

This was for her own company, and it was her own show, so she didn’t really need or want any help from Victor with the negotiations, nor did she really expect him to offer anything of his own accord. But she was a little bit curious if only because he apparently hadn’t known where the building was himself. “Have you had any kind of dealings with C&R before?”

“With the company, yes.” He didn’t look up from the map. “I don’t know anything about the director you’re talking to, however.”

Well it did make sense. She didn’t see any reason why he would. Oh well~! She knew what she was doing, anyway, she didn’t need and hel-

A hand, Victor’s, seized her arm and yanked her up against his chest with a painful suddenness. She’d have yelped, but the sharp jerk took her breath away. Not even a moment later, a girl sprinted through where she’d been, carrying an armful of heavy looking things and shouting out an apology as she passed by. Long brown hair streamed out behind the woman like a banner waving in the air, and then she turned a corner and was gone,

“Didn’t I tell you to be more careful?” He sighed, finally, hand loosening on her arm and moving to briefly tousle her hair. “Pay more attention to your surroundings.”

Yes, but...hadn’t he been staring at the map? The girl had come from behind them, so how did he even know?

--

No further near-death (or near-embarrassment) events took place on the way to the C&R building, and they actually made it on time without any time-stopping that she noticed. That helped with her early morning fluster some, at least.

Although he wasn’t going to have any part in the interview, it didn’t really surprise her that he accompanied her up the floors of the tall building and to the office waiting room of the director. Truth be told, she wasn’t...too upset by that. She hadn’t had all of the best experiences in elevators recently, so...

No, no. She shook her head, dismissing the thoughts and memories. Those were a distraction she could do without.

The boyish assistant that met them at the door spoke quietly on the phone for a few moments as Victor moved to sit in one of the comfortable chairs, flipping open a magazine with a disinterested look. She didn’t sit. Instead, she smoothed her soft blue dress with her hands and straightened her shoulders, taking the opportunity to make sure she looked as professional as possible. First impressions were important, and she couldn’t have all of her first impressions as haphazard as the one with Victor. Not everyone had his strange...sense of humor.

Finally, the short-haired woman flipped her phone shut and looked up at her, “Mr. Han will see you now.”

[hamfistedmorals]

Rise of Skywalker: Initial Thoughts and Feelings

As a movie, it was engaging. As a Star Wars story, it hooked me. But as a conclusion to this particular trilogy? As a final chapter to the entire saga? Oh boy, was it a hot mess.

BEWARE OF SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

(Disclaimer - I’m one of the 5% of Star Wars fans that loved The Last Jedi, so that might influence my opinion, but I’ll try to keep things unbiased.) 

It was all over the place, and I mean that quite literally. 

We got to see so many new locations, and most of them seemed interesting. Unfortunately, because of the breakneck pace and the ticking clock, the film doesn’t spend any time developing these places apart from Exegol - and that’s only planet who’s name I can remember. Adding on to the map of a Galaxy Far, Far Away is always a good thing. But so many new locations in one movie, with our heroes jumping back and forth every ten minutes...doesn’t make this universe feel larger. Actually, it makes it feel smaller. In past Star Wars movies, it would take time to go from one planet or star system to another. But that really doesn’t seem to be the case here. If there’s one problem that’s been semi-consistent throughout this trilogy, it’s the confusion of timing. (What’s the point of the title crawl if Episode 8 is going to pick up immediately after Episode 7? But I digress.)

The Dyad in the Force is easily the most fascinating concept of the entire trilogy.

I braced myself for the movie to ignore the connection previously established between Rey and Kylo Ren, as it ignores so much of Episode 8. But no, Rise of Skywalker actually build on the bond between these two characters and gives us more amazing scenes of them interacting entirely through their connection in the Force. We learn that they are essentially a one-of-a-kind anomaly, that Palpatine can use to restore his life energy. Rey and Ben even learn how to use their bond by the end of the film. It’s a new idea that Star Wars hasn’t done before and I kinda love it - I just really wish they had explored it more, and better outlined what it is, where it came from, and how it works. Then again, after how much people hated the Midichlorians, I expect the writers are hesitant to give any answers about how The Force works. 

I also appreciated the official introduction of Healing, as a Force Power. 

Say what you will about some of the Force-Abilities introduced in TLJ, but this one makes perfect sense. So much so that I’m pretty sure it’s already a thing in Star Wars video games? It was well foreshadowed and it played a role in Rey and Ben’s final fight, as well as that heartbreaking climax. Honestly, I truly thought Rey was dead in that moment. I teared up, thinking that her parents’ sacrifice was for nothing. Wondering if Finn could sense that she was gone. Wondering what Ben would do without her, since he had no one else. To be honest, I almost wish Rey had stayed dead, since as it stands...we have a redeemed villain sacrificing himself to save the hero that redeemed him...sound familiar? If Ben had lived, and Rey had died, it could have been a tragic inversion of Return of the Jedi, instead of just a retread. But oh well. I had a feeling they were going to kill off Kylo Ren anyway. 

It feels like they did have plans for Finn, but never properly carried them out. 

Rise of Skywalker very clearly implies that Finn has discovered that he’s Force-Sensitive. Which is a good idea, it just comes out of nowhere. Apparently, that’s what he was going to tell Rey - JJ has clarified it. One problem...that’s not a detail that should be confirmed in an interview. It should be answered within the movie. There were two separate conversations about Finn wanting to tell Rey...something, but the film never comes back to that or gives it any conclusion. Likewise, the idea of Finn being force-sensitive is only ever foreshadowed, never brought to light. Overall, Finn got some great moments, like when he met Jannah and got to connect with another former Storm-trooper...but his overall character arc in this film never got off the ground. 

Was it just me...or was Poe constantly angry throughout the movie? 

I don’t know if this was just Oscar Isaac’s frustration slipping through, or if it was meant to be the stress of the war, or something...but Poe was in a bad mood in just about every scene. But just like with Finn, this never gets resolved or even really acknowledged. Didn’t Poe go through an entire arc in the last film about learning to be less of a hot-head? For some reason, he and Rey are at each other’s throats...even though the end of the last film hinted that they found each other attractive? He does get some backstory as a Spice Runner (though they don’t explain what that is. Maybe it’s answered in one of the books, I dunno.) and we get to meet Zori, who is truly a charming and compelling character. Even if she was only written in as a final “no-homo” to Finn and Poe, I wanted to learn more about her. 

They did Rose dirty. They did her so dirty.

She should have been an official member of the squad in this film, not relegated to cameos. There was no reason she couldn't have been more involved. Her romance with Finn should have been addressed. Even if it was just him gently letting her down, they ought to have mentioned it. Regardless of how you feel about Rose and that particular pairing (Personally, I adored her) it's downright strange that she's so absent from the story when she was a main character last time. Gee, I wonder why this was done? Could it be because the character was eviscerated online by a group of hardcore “fans” who compared her to Jar Jar Binks? Who not only made racist, sexist, and body-shaming comments about the character - they drove Kelly Marie Tran off social media? It really seems like downplaying Rose in this film was a direct response to how unpopular she was, and that isn’t fair to the character or the actress. It just seems...cowardly.

The CGI on Leia...could have been better. 

Not gonna lie, it might have been safer to simply reveal Leia’s death in the title crawl and open the movie with her funeral. Don’t get me wrong, I was initially quite impressed with how they managed to re-create Carrie Fisher. It was nice to see her training Rey, and we even get an answer to the age-old mystery of why she never became a Jedi. But as Leia’s scenes went on, the cracks started to show. It became very noticeable after a while that she would never adjust her standing position or really move at all. So many of her lines were shot to avoid showing her face while she spoke. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why it looked this way. I’m just saying that as a viewer, I noticed. Leia’s death scene was the worst offender of this. By the way...what exactly killed her? She apparently gave the “last of her energy” to call out to Ben, but...nothing beforehand indicated that her health was failing, so why would a simple telepathic message consume all her life energy? She’s done it before. Either way, the death scene was kinda lame...but other characters reactions to it? Hit me right in the feels. Chewie’s breakdown tore me to pieces. I wanted to hug him. And as for Ben...

 That Han Solo Cameo

I’m impressed, first of all. We all though Han could never come back since he wasn’t force-sensitive, so he wouldn’t get a spirit form. But the great thing is, Han didn’t come back - not really. It was all in Ben’s head, hence the lines echoing his father’s death. I love how Leia’s death, compounded with Rey healing Ben and all but telling him that she would be with him if he wasn’t on the dark side, is what ultimately swayed him to turn back. When he called Han “Dad...” In that broken voice, and Han just said “I know...” Honestly, that was the best scene in the movie. Ben previously said to Rey that the Dark Side was in her blood, so she couldn’t escape it. It was so clear that he felt that way about himself too, which may have been part of why he turned. Seeing Han was a perfect reminder that he had more than just Vader in his ancestry. 

Chewie’s “death” was the other scene in the movie that took my breath away. 

Echoing the Force-Battle over Anakin’s lightsaber, Rey and Kylo Ren have a tug-of-war for the ship Chewie is on, and in her rage, Rey accidentally conjures Force-Lightning and blows up the ship, shocking everyone. It demonstrates Rey’s power, as well as her natural leaning toward the Dark Side (through anger.) It also foreshadows her lineage. Plus, the whole concept of accidentally killing your beloved friend..It’s got so much tension, so much emotion - it’s fantastic. Only one problem...Chewie survived, and we find that out not even five minutes later. Honestly, it’s the last movie. Anything goes, you can kill off main characters, even beloved main characters. All of the emotional drama that this scene brings to the table stops mattering once you find out Chewie’s alive. I would love to see Rey actually have to deal with the consequences of what happened, for the movie to explore how it makes the other characters feel about her. On the other hand, one of my first thoughts after it happened was “Geez, if the fandom hated her before...” All the fans who complain Rey is a Mary Sue (She’s not) Yeah, they’d never, ever forgive her if she was responsible for Chewie’’s death.

I can’t decide how I feel about Kylo Ren repairing his mask. 

When I first realized it was happening, I was disappointed. In a way, it undoes his character growth in Last Jedi when he rejected his hero worship of Darth Vader - and even did what Vader could not, slaying his master and living to succeed him. Kylo Ren surpassed Vader once he stopped trying to be him, and that was awesome. But between bringing back the mask (with the painfully on-the-nose line about the “cracks in your mask”) and the reveal that “Snoke” is still alive, all of Ben Solo’s coolest moments from TLJ have been reversed. On the other hand... the Kylo Ren mask is, and always was, a symbol. In TFA, it reflected a pretentious attempt to be more like Darth Vader. But in this movie, it seemed to reflect Kylo Ren embracing the image of being the “Big Bad.” much like how Luke embraced his status as a legend, just before he died. And I’m not gonna lie, seeing the words “Supreme Leader Kylo Ren” in the title crawl was quite satisfying. Not to mention, at the end of the day...it’s all an act. Kylo Ren has always tried very hard to be “evil” but his heart just isn’t in it. He’s trying to be something he’s not - so maybe it’s okay if the mask comes back. 

Let’s rip this band-aid off: Bringing Palpatine back was a mistake.

If they needed a greater-scope villain for the climax after Ben was redeemed...why not use Snoke? Apparently, they’re the same person anyway, and people were mad that Snoke died without having a greater story to tell. Palpatine’s return goes entirely unexplained. He just hand-waves the issue by quoting Episode 3. As a viewer, why should I feel triumphant when Rey kills him at the end, when as far as I know, nothing is stopping him from returning again? After all, he survived certain death before, and we don’t know how he did it. (This is what I mean when I say the film is good by itself, but highly flawed as a continuation of existing Star Wars.) Palpatine’s return devalues Anakin’s sacrifice. It weakens both Vader and Kylo as villains because it removes their agency - we now know they only turned because Palpatine manipulated and groomed them. They’ve made him the greater-scope villain of every single trilogy, which just feels weird. I always thought the overarching villainous force of Star Wars was supposed to be, y’know, the Dark Side and it’s tempting call. That anyone could potentially succumb. But speaking of this film rejecting the idea of “anyone” being special...

Rey...did not need to have a bloodline. 

You need Palpatine to have a reason that he’s so intrigued by her? You’ve already got that - she’s part of an anomaly in The Force that no one’s ever seen before. Need a life-changing shock that pushes her closer to the Dark Side? All you have to do is let Chewie stay dead, and have it be her fault. As much as I have genuinely loved Rey’s character growth and I always enjoy watching her, I can’t help but feel like giving her a bloodline at this point was at least partially done to mitigate the claims that she’s “too powerful.” Not to mention, it ruins the reveal at the end of The Last Jedi, and it’s one more thing that makes the Star Wars universe feel smaller. Coming from a powerful bloodline shouldn’t be a requirement for changing the fate of the Galaxy. Sure, Force-Sensitivity is often hereditary, but not exclusively. Besides, there are more people out there attuned to the Force that just the Skywalkers, Palpatines, and Kenobis. Why couldn’t Rey just be one of them? If Star Wars really is going to go on forever, it can’t simply be the continuing sage of two or three families screwing up the Galaxy. 

What’s up with the super-rushed tone of the ending? 

So, Rey and Ben share a kiss - whether or not you ship them, this moment is wholesome, heartwarming, and so earned -  But then Ben immediately, and I mean immediately falls down dead. He doesn’t get any last words or even a last moment. (Come to think of it...does Ben have any lines at all after his scene with Han? I...don’t think he does. That’s just weird.) Nope, he just fades into the Force so quickly that I didn’t even realize what happened at first. Rey makes it back to the Resistance base and reunites with her friends, but they don’t share any dialogue either. No final moments, not even Finn telling Rey that he’s Force-Sensitive. Disney gets to check off their diversity clipboard by having two nameless women kiss in the background, and Rey then visits...Tatooine, of all places, to bury The Skywalker twins lightsabers. Because you see, a Jedi’s Weapon deserves respect. Burning them? Shameful. But burying them, A-Okay.

Rey is never shown mourning Ben Solo.

Whether or not you think he “deserved” redemption, the film clearly sided with the idea that he did. It based a lot of it’s conflict on Rey and Ben being a hero and a villain who also cared about each other. Going so far as to include the Dyad, and give them a kiss scene. So it’s bizarre that Ben’s death doesn’t seem to affect Rey. She doesn’t even have any sort of reaction to it, but she does have a gold lightsaber now. Which is so incredibly cool that it baffles me that they didn’t let her have it sooner. She never gets to really use it. A random local shows up, for no other purpose than to ask Rey who she is. Rey looks on to see Luke and Leia’s Force-Spirits give their blessing (No Ben, for some reason.) And she then introduces herself as Rey Skywalker. Because they had to justify that title somehow, right? Then the scavenger-turned-jedi, who started out all alone on a desert planet but found a family through her travels...ends her story all alone on desert planet. Hey, wait a minute-

The problems of this trilogy boil down to the fact that it had two writers, with two different visions for the characters.

Perhaps the death of Snoke, the introduction of Rose, and Rey’s lack of lineage directly conflicted with J.J.'s plans for the new trilogy...but The Last Jedi happened. It's canon now. Trying to pretend otherwise doesn't "fix" that. Having moments that directly contradict the previous film, even taking intentional jabs at it (looking at you, Force-Spirit Luke) is a waste of time and honestly feels...kind of immature? As a writer, I’m sure it isn’t easy, but you've got to work with what you have, follow the ideas and plot threads introduced, or else none of it will feel organic. So many moments like repairing Kylo Ren's mask, bringing back Anakin's destroyed saber, giving Rey a bloodline...they just cause whiplash.The only arcs that really continue through each movie are Kylo Ren's redemption, and Rey's identity issues. The writing of Episode 9 does everything it can to erase the ideas of Episode 8, and as a result, the entire trilogy feels directionless. The story feels like its at war with itself. I understand if Rian left J.J. in a compromising position, but sometimes you have to let go of ideas if they can no longer work in your story, however much you want them to. And, not to pick on J.J. too much, but...if he really had a major plan for the trilogy, then why didn't he stay to write Episode Eight? He left the second chapter of the trilogy to an entirely different writer, so...what did he think was going to happen? 

It’s a good movie. It really is. I was on the edge of my seat. If you’ve never seen the first two films, you’ll likely enjoy the hell out of it. But if you’re hoping to get a satisfying conclusion for the characters you’ve grown to care about...well, I’ll just say that I didn’t find that here. 

[goodwriterwithbadhabits]

Phantom Lover

Master List

This is a doozy! I got so carried away. You wanted angst? I give you Detective Yixing x College Reader. 

And I am so sorry about this one, it seems both too long and also so rushed at the same time.

Warnings: Certifiably fucked up. Torture, death, blood violence, cops, swearing

Enjoy

~~

When Detective Yixing woke up, he was not expecting the first thing he saw to be a woman standing in his bedroom, but there you were. Your was face covered in scrapes and bruises, your clothes torn and bloodied and your fingertips dripping blood onto his bedroom floor.

Of course he did the logical thing, the thing any police detective would have done at that sight at 9:30 in the morning.

He screamed. Loudly. 

You took a step back, shocked at his outburst, and stumbled back further when his bedroom door burst open and his roommate burst through the door. Suho looked around wildly, brandishing a baseball bat.

“What the fuck, Lay?” He huffed, “Scaring the shit out of me this fucking early.” Yixing looked at him incredulously.

“Do you not see the girl? The bloody woman standing right there?” He gestured to where you stood but Suho seemed to look right through you.

“Lay, there's no one there, you're just overworking yourself, dude.”

“No, she's right there!” He practically shouted. Suho sighed in annoyance and walked over to you, and then through you.

“No one here, Lay. Seriously, its the missing persons case, its got you going crazy.” Suho sighed, patting his friend on the shoulder and leaving the room. “Maybe you should ask for someone to take over.” He offered from across the house.

“Yeah maybe.” Lay breathed, still staring at you. “Are you real?” You looked down at yourself, examining the blood on your fingers before looking back at him and saying something he couldn't here. “What? I can't hear you.” You spoke again, clearly attempting to enunciate every word but there was still no sound. “You can hear me, but I can't hear you, right?” You huffed, shrugging.

“Lay! Come eat, you're gonna be late!.” Suho called.

“Could you, um, could you turn around? I need to get dressed.” He asked, tugging the duvet closer to himself. Your cheeks went red and you pointed to the door. He nodded and you practically ran out of the room.

You were aware of everything, your name, the dull throbbing pain that coursed through your body. Even what had happened right before you found yourself seemingly astral projected in some stranger's house. You didn't feel dead, you could feel your pulse when you checked it, but you couldn't touch anything. Your hand just went right through it, which made making your way through the house so much easier.

You wandered his house, waiting for him, for a few minutes. It was fancy, two stories, a nice view, a huge pool in the back, very art deco meets log cabin vibes. Lay's roommates, Suho and Sehun, a friend of your roommate's, were sitting in the spacious kitchen, discussing Lay when you got there.

“I think we should talk to Xiumin, it's not healthy for Lay to be working so much.” The other one said.

“Maybe, but he seemed really sure about there being someone there. I went to college with him, I've seen what he's like when he's hallucinating.”

“When was he-”

“I'm not telling you that story, Sehun. Don't you have class?” Suho immediately cut off the younger man.

“Not for another hour, but if you're sure he isn't hallucinating, have him talk to Professor Do.” Sehun shrugged.

“The creepy occult professor?” Suho questioned, setting a thermos next to a lunch pail on the counter.

“Yeah, but he knows a lot about ghost stuff. It's a long shot, but maybe he can help him out.”

“Whose gonna help who out?” Lay inquired as he entered the kitchen, now clad in crisp slacks and a cream-colored button-down with black suspenders standing stark from the cloth.

He looked good, like every detective from the movies and TV shows you had grown up watching and knowing that he couldn't hear you, you told him so. 

“Professor Do, he's an occult expert and he might be able to help out with the girl your seeing.” Sehun explained. Lay nodded, picking up the lunch box and thermos. “I'll check him out after work. See you later guys.” He waved to his roommates as he jogged out to his car. Once outside he glanced behind him to see you following. “Do you recognize any of the buildings in the area?” He asked you, to which you shook your head. He opened the driver's side door and rested his head on the roof of his car. You, in some half-assed attempt at existing in the corporeal plane, grabbed at the handle of the passenger side door and shockingly, were able to open it.

“Holy shit.” He breathed, “Well, climb in, you can come with me to the precinct and we can see if we can't find out what's happening.” He instructed, and you both climbed into the car.

Back inside the house, Suho and Sehun slowly turned towards each other as Lay pulled away, both having seen, not only the car door opening on its own but also the reflection of a beaten-up woman in the window of the car.

“Did you see?” Suho asked the younger boy.

“So he's not crazy.” Sehun admitted.

“And he's not hallucinating.”

“But who the hell is she?”

~~

“We just received another missing person's report.” Police Captain Xiumin announced to the group of detectives gathered around the report board. “A young woman L/n, Y/n. She went to work four days ago and never came home. Her roommate, Kim Jongin, says he thought she might have gone to her mothers and forgot to tell him but when he called this morning her mother said she wasn't there.” The captain tacked a picture to the board and Lay had to hold back his gasp, there you were, staring back at him from what looked like a school ID. “Zhang, do you have anything on this case?”

“I think so, we've noticed a pattern.” Lay started, loading a presentation on the projector. You were sat at his desk next to him, staring at your own picture on the wall. Had it really been four days? “Whoever is doing this only seems to be taking college women, that was obvious. We didn't see any possible connection until last night. None of them are in the same major, they don't look alike, but they all have one thing in common. They have all modeled for an art class on campus. The class meets at 2 on Thursdays. Lee Sora, two days before she was taken, Yang Hyunjoo, three days prior, Kim Sunmi, one day prior.” CCTV images of girls you vaguely knew popped up on the screen, all posing some sort of way on the dais in the middle of the room. “Hwang River and Boo Hana were both the day they modeled, I'm almost certain if we check, Miss Y/n will be on the list of their models.” A few of Lay's colleagues gave him looks of awe while others stared at him like he was their archenemy.

“Do that. Who would have this list of models, who would know?” Xiumin inquired.

“Only the teacher, whose been at class nearly every time one of them was taken, and the students in the class.”

“I want the names of every kid in that class, I want them brought in and questioned and I want this figured out yesterday. And who the hell is that?” Xiumin nearly shouted as a shadow fell in front of the projector screen, you had stepped in front, pointing to the photo of yourself.

“There's no one standing there.” Someone noted, “Just their shadow.”

“Zhang? Is this part of the presentation?” Lay smirked, making eye contact with you.

“No sir.”

“Then who is that? And why can't we see them?”

“Sir, I believe that is Miss Y/n.” You nodded, which made everyone gasp. “ I think she's going to be able to help us out.”

“Alright.” Xiumin mused, still staring at your shadow. “Everyone get to work. Yang, I want you on the list of students, round up who you need to. Zhang, meet me in my office, and bring the girl.” The lights came back on, and the projector turned off, rendering you invisible once again. Xiumin walked to his office as Lay set his things back on his desk. You made your way over to the report wall, seeing the faces of the other girls.

“Recognize anyone?” He asked you. You nodded, pointing to Lee Sora, a girl you had met in the cafeteria during a study group. “Just her?” You gestured to the others and made the motion of kinda with your hand.

“So you can see her then?” Homicide Detective Lu Han asked, looking towards the report board where Lay was looking. “How come?”

“No idea. She showed up in my room this morning. Suho walked right through her but she managed to open my car door.” Lay explained.

“Hmm, maybe it's just your things she can touch.” He offered, “Y/n! He called, lobbing his badge towards you. You tried to catch it only to have it fall right through you.

“What was that going to accomplish?” Lay asked.

“Give me your badge.” Lay complied and Lu tossed it in your direction and to his shock, you caught it. “Hey, I was right.” He grinned. “If she holds on to it, we'll be able to see her too.” He shrugged. “Either way, you need to go see the boss.” You walked over to Lay's desk trying to hand him back his badge.

“Hold onto it.” He ordered, before leading you towards the boss's office.

~~

“Care to explain whatever this is?” Xiumin asked, leaning on his desk and staring at the floating police badge in front of him.

“I don't know how to, sir. She was in my room this morning, no one else can see her.” Lay explained. “It seems she can only touch my things, I was shocked she even cast a shadow.”

“But she's L/n Y/n?”

“It would seem so. The problem is, I can't hear her when she talks, and I don't understand sign language.” 

“We need to know what she knows.”

“I was going to stop by Professor Do, the occult studies professor, see if he might be able to help.”

“We'll go now. Take her in your car, I'll meet you there.” Xiumin ordered. Lay nodded and the two of you left the office.

“At least someone believes me, and I know you're not just a product of my hallucinations.” Lay laughed, gathering his folders on his desk. You plopped in his chair, hand immediately going to pick up his letter opener, spinning it in your bloody fingers, effectively smearing your blood across it. “Hopefully Professor Do will be able to help.” He sighed, “Let's go then.”

~~

Xiumin met the two of you in front of the administrations building of the university.

“Hello, can I help you?” The receptionist inquired. The young man, whose name tag read Jongdae, smiled at the two men, not noticing the floating police badge that was now attached to a chain around your neck.

“Captain Minseok, Busan PD, this is Detective Zhang, we need a few things from you.” Lay pulled out your picture from his files.

“Recognize this student?” Jongdae nodded, smiling. “What can you tell us about her?”

“She's a wonder. Investigative Journalism major, though she hasn't been to class in a few days.”

“Since when?”

“Well, she came in for her Friday morning photojournalism lecture but hasn't been to class for the last two days. I'm getting kinda worried.” He confessed. You smiled, thankful that one of your friends cared.

“Thank you, we may have more questions for you. What’s the best way to get hold of you?” Xiumin asked, Jongdae immediately grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled his number on it.

“Here, call or text me. For any reason.” He winked at the captain, who wasn't sure how to respond. You burst out laughing, thankful that no one could hear you.

“We, we need to know if Professor Do is in today.” Xiumin stuttered, tucking the paper into his breast pocket.

“The occult studies professor?”

“Yes.”

“Let me call.” He picked up the phone, while Lay and Xiumin took a few steps back.

“I'm going to stay down here, I want to ask this guy if he knows anything about the other missing girls. Take her up to the professor and call me if anything comes up.” Xiumin decided.

“Yes sir.”

“Excuse me.” All three of you looked to Jongdae. “The professor is in his office. It's in the human sciences building, I can give you a map.” Lay looked to you who pointed to yourself, telling him you knew the way.

“That's alright, I know the way. Thank you.” Lay turned back to his superior and nudged his shoulder. “Don't have too much fun Captain.”

“Shut up Zhang.”

~~

Walking through campus was strange, you saw people you knew, but they couldn't see you. At one point you walked right by your friend group and heard them asking Jongin about you.

“I don't know. She didn't come home Friday. I filed a missing persons report this morning.” He explained.

“Why'd you wait?” Sehun asked, “I've got some friends at the police department, I could have asked them to look into it.”

“Sehun.” Lay chastised, as he walked by. “Don't go getting any ideas, you'll end up owing me favors.”

“Lay, what are you doing here? Is it about-” Lay cut the younger man off.

“I'm just here to speak to Professor Do. Although.” Lay pondered for a moment. “Have any of you attended the live model art class?”

“I have.” Your friend Tao, raised his hand. “The one on Thursday right?”

“Anything you can tell me about it?” Lay asked, pulling his notepad out of his pocket. “Anything that's changed in the past few months?”

“Well, the class only started a few weeks ago, but it's been losing its intrigue. Only a few of us still attend the class. Most have dropped it.” Tao explained.

“Would you be willing to come down to the station and answer some questions, Mister...?”

“Huang Zitao. And yeah, that's no problem.” You smiled, watching Lay and one of your closest friends talk. You couldn't pretend not to like Lay, he was smart, kind, and hard working. There must have been some sort of connection between you two, it was the only explanation for why you showed up in his bedroom.

“Thank you, when you can, go to the station and ask for Yang. He's the one who gonna want to ask you some questions.” Lay bowed to the group who bowed back before walking off.

“Detective. Are you gonna find our friend?” Jongin called. Lay stopped, locking eyes with you as you both smiled, slowly turning back to the group.

“Yes.”

Lay continued pouring over his notes as you made your way to Professor Do's office. A few students seemed to notice you, or at least the floating badge, and do double-takes, but most were scurrying between classes. You paused in front of the classroom as the professor said goodbye to the students, waiting for him to be finished speaking to the last of the stragglers.

“Excuse me, professor Do?” Lay interrupted, “Detective Zhang, I need to speak to you.”

“Of course, I'll see you next week Hyunjin, and I hope you find your friend.” He told the student, turning his attention to Lay and the floating badge as the student ran off. “Come in you two.”

The inside of his classroom was surprisingly normal-looking, a few dead animals in formaldehyde and some ancient texts hanging on the walls, but his office was another story. Giant bookshelves full of decaying texts, charms, and crystals on the walls and strange devices on shelves across the room. “I suspect you're not here about the missing girls.” He started, motioning for Lay to take a seat. “You here about that.” He pointed to you and the badge. “Your ghost friend.”

“Actually, it's a bit of both professor, this is L/n Y/n-”

“One of the missing students. Is she dead?” You had spoken to the professor before, but the way he was staring at you was freaking you out.

“I don't think so. She looks pretty alive.”

“You can see her? Tell me everything, feel free to have a seat Y/n.” He sat on the other side of his desk, eyes never leaving you as Lay explained everything.

“So others could see her, and she can't touch what isn't yours?” He mused once Lay had finished.

“That seems to be the case professor.”

“Call me Kyungsoo. I think I've seen something like this before.” Both of you perked up at this.

“You have?”

“Its a very rare soulmate bond. The ability to astral project to the other if the need arises. Eventually, you'll be able to do it whenever you want.” Kyungsoo explained, moving to one of his bookshelves.

“Hold on, did you say soulmates?” Lay asked.

“Yes.” Kyungsoo's blunt reply made you both look at the other, and you felt your cheeks heat up. “It says here that we may be able to see her using a mirror.” He read, setting the book down he grabbed the large mirror from the corner and set it in the middle of the room. “Y/n, come stand in front of this please.” You did as you were told and were shocked when you finally got to see yourself.

You looked like shit.

Your hair was ratty and greasy, you were covered in cuts and bruises and the shirt you were wearing was cut in places and covered in blood, likely from your own hands which had finally stopped bleeding.

“Well hello again, how are you feeling?” You shrugged, not really sure, everything felt kinda fuzzy and yet damp, like your actual body was somewhere wet. “Alright, try speaking, tell us your name.” You did and once again, no sound. “Well, do you know sign language?” You nodded, thankful to finally be able to communicate. “Alright, well tell us your story, slowly, and I can translate.” He glanced at Lay, who was fishing out his notebook again. When Lay gave you a thumbs up, you began.

“I was leaving work, walking through the park. It was late at night and I hear someone behind me. Then someone put their hand over my mouth, I smelled something awful and I woke up in the dark. I could see a door of some kind, there was light around it, I went to it, but it was locked and the stairs leading to it were wet. I banged on the door and tried to pry it open with my hands but someone hit it from the other side. I got scared and hurried down the stairs. I don't know how long I was there, but sometimes a tray of food, usually a sandwich and a glass of water was shoved in a hole in the door. I found what felt like a window but it didn't let in any light. I had been trying to pry open the door again when someone hit the door and I fell backward, I think I fell down the stairs, but when I opened my eyes again, I was laying on your floor, you woke up a moment later.” Kyungsoo glanced at the detective who was still frantically writing notes.

“What do you recall of the room you were in? Did you get a feel for the size?” He was kinda hot when he went full detective mode.

“She says it felt small, and it was possibly underground.”

“Was there anyone else in the room?”

“I don't think so. I never heard anyone else, and you say I've been gone for days.” You paused, frantically trying to remember something else. When it hit you you frantically waved your hands before carefully signing what you had to say. Kyungsoo's eyes went wide and he hesitated. “Are you sure?” You signed it again, slower.

“What? What is she saying?”

“She says, I heard screaming like someone was being hurt, not very far away.”

~~ Back at the precinct, you and Lay stood in the interrogation viewing room as people were interviewed by Yang Jeongin and Lu. Most of them said the same things, they only knew you from the class, never spoke to you afterward and never thought there was anyone who might get mad at you for anything.

Then Tao came in. You were practically pressed to the viewing glass, wanting to walk through it and comfort your friend who looked a little scared.

“Huang Zitao, martial arts expert, fashion and design major, what are you doing in an art class?”

“Honestly, there's a guy I have a thing for who was in the class for a while before he moved back home to China. Then it was too late to quit and the people there are pretty nice.”

“Did you know any of the models in the class?” Jeongin asked, to which Tao nodded.

“I know Boo Hana, she's in my interior design class and L/n Y/n is a close friend of mine.”

“Was there anyone in the class that might have had it out for any of the girls?” Tao hesitated, nervously looking around. You quickly pulled off the badge and walked through the wall, moving to stand behind Tao and set your hand as close to on his shoulder as you could.

“Zitao, we need you to be honest with us if there was anyone that gave you even a bad vibe, we need to know, we won't be able to find your friend unless you tell us.”

“There was one guy...”

~~

“We can't just run in, it could get somebody killed. We need evidence Zhang, you know that.” Xiumin was trying to remain calm as Lay pleaded with him.

“But Captain, this guy is our only real lead-”

“If you think he could have something to do with this, get some more evidence and give me a reason to put out a warrant.”

“But Captain-” “Enough, need I remind you what happened last time your went rushing in to danger?”

“No sir.” Lay sighed.

“Go home, Lay, you have until the end of the day tomorrow to bring me something substantial, or I'm taking you off the case.”

“Minseok,” The older boy looked Lay in the face, being as professional as possible.

“You've become too emotionally invested, get your head clear and find something in the morning. I have faith in you, you're my best detective.”

“Thank you sir. I'll see you in the morning.”

~~

“None of this makes any sense,” Lay groaned, tugging at his hair. It was nearing 3 in the morning and Lay was still pouring over his notes and files. You were sat next to him on his couch, wishing you could help him more. You weren't even sure if you could touch him to calm him down, you hadn't tried. “Tao said he was the one, but he's a straight-A student, captain of the debate team, even in choir. He's like a damn angel, and if he is the one and I can't find him, something might happen to all of you and you could get hurt or worse. I can't have that on my conscience-” You stopped his ramblings by setting your hands on his cheeks, turning his head to face you. You looked at him sternly, making him sigh and press his cheek further into your hand. “You're right, I'm way too stressed about this, and freaking out won't help.” He chuckled, “You aren't even speaking to me and you're already putting me in my place, maybe we are soulmates.” You chuckled as well, the smile on your face making his broader. “I don't know what to do.” He finally sighed. You had an idea and slowly trailed your arms down his neck and to his shoulders. “Woah, darling, I don't plan on having sex with a ghost.” You smacked his chest, grabbing the notebook from beside his leg.

“Why don't you google his name, ya nasty.” You wrote on the notepad.

“Darling you're a genius.” He declared, grabbing your cheeks and planting a chaste kiss on your forehead. “Why didn't I think of that? Don't answer that.” He pulled his laptop closer to himself and pulled up the browser. “What's his name?” You flipped through the notebook, scooting closer to him in order to show him his own notes. “What would I do without you?”

~~ “Captain! Captain, I have something.” Lay nearly shouted as the two of you entered the precinct.

“Good, because I couldn't get the art teacher to cancel tomorrow's class.” Lu added, joining Lay as he walked towards the captain's office. “Most of the student's have been accounted for, and they have some pretty solid alibis.”

“Zhang, Han, tell me you have something, preferably something we can act on before tomorrow afternoon?” Xiumin greeted, opening the door of his office for them to enter.

“Actually yes, sir.” Lay practically grinned. “I looked him up last night, he's a recent transfer student, the last town he came from had a string of serial kidnappings and subsequent murders right before he came here. He lives in some big farmhouse looking thing on the very outskirts of town.”

“That's not enough to get a warrant.” Xiu sighed.

“Maybe not, but combined with the character reports from the interrogations yesterday, it's enough for us to be able to go talk to him. And if we see something, we can act.” Lu explained, setting a stack of transcripts from the previous days down on the captain's desk. Xiumin looked at the papers in front of him, then to the two men.

“Go together, I'll have everyone here on standby, if anything sets you off, I want you to radio backup, unless someone is dying, you are not to go in by yourselves. Understand me?” Both men stood straight, saluting their captain.

“Yes sir.” He saluted them back.

“Go find our girls.”

~~

Lay in full tactical gear was hot, you weren't even gonna lie. The bulletproof vest, the boots, had you been one of the weirdos on the internet you would have asked him to step on you.

“It looks like an old bunker, a barn built on top, and a farmhouse.” Lu explained from the passenger seat. You were sat in the middle of the backseat, that way Lay could continue to keep an eye on you. As you got closer to the farm, your arm started to burn. Not like the building was on fire, but more like someone was stabbing you with a hot poker.

“I'll check the barn, you knock on the front door.” Lay decided. “Y/n, are you okay?” He asked, seeing your pained expression in the rearview. You shook your head frantically, clutching the burning spot on your arm. “We're almost there, we'll get you out of there.” He assured you, but when he glanced back at you, the backseat was empty. “Shit.” He growled, stomping on the gas and turning on his sirens.

“Lay, what the hell?”

“She's gone. Something's happened.”

~~ When you opened your eyes, you were laying on a cold metal, something, possibly a surgical table. Your arms were strapped down and you could still feel the burning in your arm. You frantically looked around the dimly lit room, seeing a figure with purple hair slumped against a far wall.

“Ah, there you are.” A man's voice said. “I was wondering when you'd come to.”

“What did you do to her?” You asked, voice hoarse. He chuckled darkly.

“Sora? She's still alive if that's what you're wondering. I'm not going to kill any of you yet.”

“Why are you doing this?” He slammed his hands on either side of your head, leaning above you.

“Because you and your little whore friends deserve it. Parading around in practically nothing while pretending to study, then having the audacity to be a nude model.” He growled you could feel the tears leaking from your eyes, into your hair. “I'm going to make you hate this body, then, I'm going to kill you.”

“What are you gonna do to me?” Your voice was quiet and squeaky, not something you'd ever want someone to hear.

“I'll do exactly what I did to Sora, I'm going to make your skin so horrifying you'd never let it be seen, then I'm going to do the same to your face. Then I'm going to kill you.” He moved around you, standing between you and Sora, but not enough to entirely block your view of her. “I can't do it all at once though, too much pain and the body shuts down, but as long as you don't pull a Sora, you'll be fine. For now.” He raised a small scalpel and from the corner of your eye, you saw Sora shift.

~~

It was beginning to be too much. Your voice was shot from screaming, and your arms were burning from the missing skin. He was flaying you, piece by piece. He paused finally, setting down his tools to check his phone, and you looked behind him, shocked to find Sora missing. The sound of tires outside made you both look towards the doors of the barn you were in.

“Help!” You cried, voice much quieter than you'd prefer. “In here!”

“Shut up!” He whisper-yelled, “You stupid-” He was suddenly cut off and you turned your head to find Sora holding a large piece of rock above her head as he fell to the ground.

“Oh my god, Sora!” You gasped. “Outside.”

“I heard, let's untie you.” You would have been startled by how calm she seemed, despite missing chunks of skin on her arms, but all you could think about was how much you wanted out of there. She started working on the knots on your arms as you continued shouting. Something must have been blocking the doors because it was obvious someone was pushing on them from the outside.

“Lu! Lay!” You called, your head beginning to swim from blood loss and exertion.

“Y/n? Is there anyone else with you?” Lu called thought the doors.

“I'm here, Lee Sora.”

“I need to get my partner, will you be alright?”

“He's unconscious right now. Just hurry back please.” Sora called, finally freeing your arm. “Don't sit up, you'll probably pass out.” She instructed you.

A moment later the barn doors exploded inwards as Lay drove the car into them.

“We need back up and at least one ambulance here ASAP.” Lu ordered into the radio as Lay jumped out of the car.

“The others, do you know where they are?” He asked Sora, eyes still trained on you.

“Down in some sort of sub-basement.” Sora explained, “There's a trap door over there.”

“Hey you.” He finally greeted you. You smiled up at him weakly, trying to lift your arm to grab his hand.

“Hey you.” You whispered back, as he found your hand with his.

“It's nice to hear your voice.” Your eyes shut as you chuckled weakly, and the last thing you heard was him calling your name faintly.

~~

When you finally woke up, someone was holding your hand, and someone else was having a quiet conversation somewhere else in the room. As your vision cleared, you could figure out you were in a hospital room, Jongin sitting in the chair beside you, holding your hand as he scrolled on his phone.

“Kai?” Your voice made him jump and drop his phone as his face erupted in a smile.

“Oh my god, you're awake.” He jumped to his feet, hugging you tightly. “I was getting so worried.”

“I'm okay. How are the others?”

“Hana, Hyunjoo and Sunmi were discharged this morning. River is filling her discharge paperwork out now and-”

“And I'm right here.” You turned your head to find Sora in the bed next to you, with one of her friends sitting next to her. “I wasn't going to leave until I knew you were okay.”

“Thank you.” She smiled at you, but her attention was brought to the doctor that had just walked in.

“Good afternoon, miss Y/n. How do you feel?”

“A little weary, and like I rolled down a street in my swimsuit.”

“Well, your arms are a little worse for wear but we have pain medication and an ointment for you to apply once you're discharged. You should be alright in a few weeks.”

“Awesome. When can I leave?” You laughed, hating hospitals.

“Lets check your vitals and we could have you out of here in an hour.”

Down in the waiting room, where you and Sora were wheeled by your respective best friends, stood a cluster of people. Two men in crisp suits helped Sora out of her wheelchair and pulled her into a tight hug, one that seemed more intimate than brothers. Another man in a suit was talking to Xiumin and from the look on the captain's face he didn't like the guy.

“I am so ready to go home.” You groaned, standing up and popping your back.

“I bet you are, but I'm going out to lunch with Kyungsoo.” Jongin told you, handing you your keys.

“Oh, how am I getting home?” You asked, earning a shrug from him.

“I'm taking you. I'm also taking you out to lunch.” Lay made his way through the crowd, stopping right in front of you. “I think its time we got to know each other, right?”

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

“The Lion King” (2019) - Thoughts/Review

So my sister, Ciara, and I went and saw the remake of The Lion King at the cinema where I work since I get free tickets and I didn’t really want to have to pay £20 just to watch a film I could easily watch at home. To add, my sister has been super sick recently and I felt it might be nice to treat her - even though she has been saying for weeks “they’ve ruined it, I can tell”. The original Lion King is Ciara’s favourite movie and we actually rewatched the original on Friday because it’s one we both love.  Ciara and I went in with absolutely zero expectations, thinking “it’ll be absolutely shit” based on what we’ve seen trailer/advert/clip wise.

I’m going to put my thoughts/feelings under a “read more”, just to be safe. Also, reminder that it’s just my opinion and that I can’t tell other people how to feel about the film.

So...it wasn’t as terrible as we expected it to be but it wasn’t a masterpiece like the original either.

They could have just reused the original “Circle of Life” as it was, really, but whatever.

Having said that, they could have frankly just lifted the entire audio of the animated film and animated the film to it instead of bringing in other cast members.

One of the first things my sister said was “where the fuck is Rafiki’s staff?”, and she kept saying it throughout the film, like it REALLY annoyed her that he didn’t have his stick with him the entire time.

Ciara said that the opening was the best part for her personally, I don’t know if that’s because nostalgia or because there was no talking, but that’s her thought on it.

BABY SIMBA IS SO SWEET OH MY GOODNESS

I love James Earl Jones but for some reason he just sounded...rather unbothered here. Like he was bored. Maybe it’s because hes old(er) now and he just doesn’t have the energy for it, maybe I was comparing his vocal performance here too much to his original one in 1994, but for some reason he just didn’t sound at all bothered or like the wise powerful King you can respect and fear.

I didn’t hate Scar’s new voice but I did feel like Jeremy Irons’ performance had more character to it, more sass/sarcasm. Here he just seemed a little..I don’t know. It was a little less sassy, if that makes sense.

It honest to God does feel like watching a nature documentary, like I was half expecting fucking David Attenborough to suddenly start talking over it to be honest. 

Baby Simba reminded me of our cat, Dave, and he was admittedly very cute. I also really loved the things that the lions did that reflected actual cat behaviour, like pouncing and stuff like that. 

Is it just me or did the filmmakers have the same issue as the original did in that they couldn’t decide what colour Nala’s eyes were? Like at one point I was like “oh, they’re actually green, cool”, but then in the next scene I was like “they’re brown?!” etc. 

I liked the hyenas in this, I like that they were allowed to make actual hyena cackles because real hyena cackles are creepy as fuck. I also really loved Shenzi, even if I do wish they’d brought Whoopi Goldberg back.

During “I just can’t wait to be King”, I couldn’t help but feel like it paled in comparison to the original. I know I’m talking about the original a lot, but that’s the issue with these remakes - they will always be compared to their original films. In the original, the cubs were jumping on top of animals, making big gestures, the colours were bright etc. Here it was just two cubs running around a watering hole, the colours just...normal. Muted even. The vocals were fine, but compared to the original it just wasn’t the same. 

My sister wanted to know why they didn’t bring back Rowan Atkinson as Zazu and I kind of have to agree. I found his woodpecker joke funny though.

I stand by what I said about Simba and Nala as cubs looking too similar. In the wild, yeah, that might be the case but this is a movie - the audience should be able to tell who is who. Eventually I think I understood which cub was which but that was only because they were talking and Simba is nearly-always in front. 

Nala’s “Simba, do you speak bird” had my sister giggling though, so there’s that.

There were moments where I could see the animals expressing some emotion but for the most part it was very uncanny. It was like those voices shouldn’t have been coming out of lions - which is kind of the point. That’s why the Lion King on screen works better as an animation instead of realistic CGI.

I’m assuming that they changed Ed a bit to be more politically correct since in the original he was a bit...not quite there. 

Unless they were talking, I could not tell which hyena was supposed to be which. The original three hyenas had very clear differences in their designs, whereas here they all look the same.

I did like the “Kings of the Past” scene under the stars - I think my sister and I both agree that it was very sweet.

Having said that, it went from broad daylight to dark as night in about two seconds and I can’t stand it because it should have been FAR more gradual.

Let’s have a moment of silence for “Be Prepared”. Somehow the best song from the original is the worst one in the remake because they cut 90% of it and turned it into a weird chant. It just makes it even more glaringly obvious that Jeremy Irons was a better Scar, to be honest. The beat is good but goddamit, the song deserved better.

I know Disney changed it because the original “Be Prepared” had sort of Nazi undertones but like...isn’t that the point? Scar is an evil dictator, it’s not like he’s a good guy. It’s like changing Chicken Run so that the farm isn’t operated like a concentration camp - it ruins the whole point.

I could be wrong but did they not use the “Mufasa has something he didn’t have before...a weakness” line? Because that was the line I heard in the adverts and thought was a good addition. 

THE GORGE SCENE JFC

Not gonna lie, I kinda miss Scar knocking Zazu out - though I suppose it makes sense for Zazu to get the lionesses (and where the frick were they then?!)

I audibly gasped when Mufasa was knocked over trying to help Simba off the tree branch like I KNEW what was coming but it genuinely still gets to me.

Mufasa REALLY had to jump carefully down the gorge, huh

Mufasa’s death gave me mixed feelings to be honest; the delivery of “Long Live the King” was disappointing. Like in the original it’s slowly said, so evil it gives you chills, whereas here it’s so...meh. And I had to try not to laugh still because I turned to my sister and just said, “...Did Scar just bitch-slap Mufasa off a cliff?!”

Okay, Simba in the gorge and finding his dad’s body, him calling for help... god fucking damn it. My sister was openly crying and saying “for fuck sake, I’ve seen the original a hundred times and it still gets to me!”. I was crying too...it’s just something about that baby lion calling for help as his dad lies dead on the floor...shit, it gets to you.

It also helps that Hans Zimmer composed the soundtrack again - it’s beautiful, but I think that because we’ve heard it before and associate it with the original, it adds to the feelings. Like I hear the “Stampede” soundtrack and immediately I think of Simba crying for help. 

I wish they had showed more fear on Simba’s face when Scar told him to run away - in the original, his ears are down, his eyes are wide, his posture/stance is clearly showing he’s terrified. Here he just looks a little...surprised.

OKAY BUT HOW DID SIMBA END UP ON THE LOWER PART OF THE CLIFF?! I DON’T...HOW?!

The imagery of Scar walking onto the ledge of Pride Rock as the hyenas surround the other lions is still super powerful, to be honest.

I wish Zazu had been trapped like in the original, like that was comedy gold and they missed it.

Disney really couldn’t have brought back Nathan Lane and Ernie Sabella huh -_-

Look, I’m not a huge fan of Seth Rogen anyway - Sausage Party HAUNTS me to this day - but usually in voice over I find him more bearable. Not that I hate him that much but still... I would have felt ten times more generous about his Pumbaa voiceover if he hadn’t done his laugh. We ALL know the Seth Rogen laugh.

I still liked the dynamic between Timon and Pumbaa, even if my sister felt it wasn’t the same. 

Some absolutely GOLDEN lines were cut, and it should be a crime:  “he looks blue” “I’d say goldish-brown”.

THANK GOD they kept in “what’s a-motto with you?” though

“I got downhearted every time that I...farted, are you gonna stop me?!” “NO I AM NOT, YOU DISGUST ME” - wHAT. I mean...what?!

I’m glad there were a few other animals living in the jungle other than Timon and Pumbaa, like it makes more sense that there’s others living there. Having said that, I also liked the idea of them having this utopia to themselves in the original so...yeah.

My sister pointed out that the Timon-Pumbaa-Simba relationship was severely lacking in this film. In the original, you could tell that Timon and Pumbaa loved Simba dearly and that he was seen as a total equal. Here they seemed so much stand-offish even after living with him for so long.

“Yeah, you’ve grown 400 pounds since we started” - LMFAO THIS WAS A GOOD LINE OKAY

“Oh now he’s riffing” - honestly same, was it necessary XD

Ciara felt that the added scene showing Nala/the lionesses in the Pridelands/Nala leaving was unnecessary. In the original, you feel the shock with Simba when he returns because it’s the first time you see what a wasteland it has become. Here you don’t have that. It was clearly just to fill some extra time and get their money’s worth out of Beyonce, milking it for all they have.

The tension in that scene was nice though, and I sort of liked how a) Sarabi rejected Scar and b) how this was then a catalyst for Scar saying “the hyenas eat before the lions...but they don’t leave much behind”. Good addition that was.

Was the additional exposition showing a tuft of Simba’s mane journeying really necessary? Like we didn’t need to see a giraffe fucking eat it or a dung beetle rolling a ball of shit with the mane inside of it. Like come on, Disney, really? They clearly just wanted to show off that they could pull it off.

What’s that quote Jeff Goldblum says in Jurassic Park (I think?)? “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should”. THE SAME GOES FOR THE PEOPLE AT DISNEY, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN, DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD

How did Rafiki see a random tuft of hair and immediately go “FUCK YEAH IT’S SIMBA HE’S ALIVE”, like he didn’t smell it (it would have smelt of shit though) or anything, he just looked at it and was like “SIMBA IS ALIVE”. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT.

“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” was a fucking delight, and my sister and I both sung/danced along to it, no regrets.

I jumped so hard when Nala just came out of nowhere and interrupted the song to be honest

The close-ups of Timon’s face in this film are hilarious to be honest - creepy but hilarious.

HOW DID NALA REALIZE IT WAS SIMBA RIGHT AWAY?! In the original she was like “who are you?” but now she just knew?! SHE THOUGHT SIMBA WAS DEAD BUT SHE SEES A RANDOM MALE LION AND IMMEDIATELY KNOWS THAT’S HER OLD BEST FRIEND WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD?! FUCK OFF

“Can You Feel the Love Tonight”...hmmm. Sorry, I gotta have a whole separate section for this.

Firstly...TONIGHT. CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT, DISNEY. IT’S AT NIGHT TIME. IN THE EVENING. AT LEAST PUT A FUCKING SUNSET OR SOMETHING TO SHOW IT’S EVENING.

Don’t get me wrong, the animation was beautiful, but jesus christ, it’s set at NIGHT TIME. How do you fuck that up?! It’s literally IN the damn song.

My sister and I are really not Beyonce fans, I’m sorry. Ciara literally leaned over and whispered “I’m going to sing the song myself to block out Beyonce”, that’s how much she despised it.

Look, Beyonce is a singer and yeah, she’s a strong singer. No one is disputing that. Do I think she’s overrated? Absolutely, but I can admit she can sing. She is NOT a voice actress and she should NOT be voicing a character like Nala. Every time she spoke, I just missed Moira Kelly’s performance from the original even more.

Beyonce’s voice just doesn’t fit the song. She was overpowering Donald Glover far too much - it was like he was a backup singer in a song meant to be a duet. A duet is supposed to have the two voices melding together and harmonizing to create a beautiful sound - not one person taking over and making it all about them

Okay but why the fuck does Seth Rogen sound like Kermit right at the end of the song? 

Anyway, moving on back to the rest of the film:

Another moment of my sister saying “BUT WHERE IS HIS STICK, HE HAS TO WACK PEOPLE WITH IT”

Disney really cut out the stick metaphor where Rafiki hits Simba and says “it hurts, yes, but it’s in the past”. Like COME ON DISNEY. That’s one of the key moments for god’s sake!

So they could animate Simba’s mane-hair being rolled along the ground in giraffe shit but NOT Mufasa in the clouds? LMFAO OKAY WHATEVER

Jesus Christ Disney, did you HAVE to put that “Spirit” song over Simba going back to the Pridelands?! It just a) doesn’t fit the scene and b) comes out of nowhere. Like nowhere else in the film is there a moment like that, so why now? 

Unpopular Opinion: “Spirit” is a bad song and my sister agrees. Everyone’s kissing Beyonce’s ass about it but me, my mum and my sister have all on separate occasions heard it and said “wow that’s fucking shit”. 

I miss the slo-mo of Simba running through the desert more than ever. Couldn’t we have just had a recreation of that scene with the same music and NOT Beyonce’s random song ruining it?

I had a feeling they would cut out the Hula dance thing but it still annoys me because that is ICONIC

My sister and I were both far too happy when Rafiki took his stick out of the tree, like we were like “FINALLY”

Instead Timon and Pumbaa start singing “Be Our Guest” and like...Why?! Is this a joke just for Disney fans? BATB and TLK aren’t even set in the same continent, for a start, let alone being a part of the same story, so how the hell does Timon know it? I mean, it’s hilarious if you’re a Disney fan but just...why? It makes absolutely zero sense. 

Sarabi still manages to be a badass Queen and I love it

The vocals during the big reveal scene really weren’t anywhere NEAR the standard of the original, especially on Scar’s part. It just felt so weak compared to Matthew Broderick and Jeremy Irons, to be honest.

Why...Why does Nala suddenly have beef with Shenzi? Just...yeah, Shenzi and like 50 other hyenas tried to eat Nala (and Simba) as a cub but like...why does Nala suddenly have personal beef with her based on that one interaction? They don’t even LOOK at each other again until this moment in the film.

The battle was cool, I guess, but maybe I’m just super blood-thirsty and gory so...who knows. The Simba/Scar fight was especially good.

I wish Rafiki using his stick was more karate/martial arts like the original, here it’s just like he’s flailing it about randomly

I did like that they reused the part where Scar basically flings smoldering soot/ash/rock into Simba’s face. Like that’s the kinda dirty tactic I live for.

“You were right about one thing, Scar...a hyena’s belly is never full” - OH SHIT, MY WIG WAS SNATCHED OH MY LORD WHAT A LINE

The hyenas eating Scar is so dark in the original and it’s even darker here because it looks so real, like I genuinely felt horrified watching it even though you don’t see anything.

Towards the end when Simba nuzzled two of the lionesses, I couldn’t tell which one was supposed to be Sarabi and which was supposed to be Nala.

THAT MUSIC AS SIMBA BECOMES KING, THANK YOU HANS ZIMMER FOR NOT LETTING US DOWN 

Okay but I genuinely want to know if the baby cub at the end is Kopa, Kiara or Kion. Disney can’t seem to make up their minds about Simba and Nala’s cub so...yeah. It could literally be any of them at this rate.

I had no idea that the first credits song was Elton John, and I miss his renditions of Circle of Life/Can You Feel the Love Tonight even more, like those are arguably two of the best Elton John songs.

THEY USED “He Lives in You” AS AN END CREDIT SONG AND I WANT TO WATCH THE LION KING 2 AGAIN

So here’s the thing...it wasn’t as horrendous as I thought it would be, and Ciara agrees. Ciara is arguably the one to ask about Lion King matters since it’s literally her favourite film (having said that, for the longest time I thought her favourite was Tangled so...). It was nowhere near the standard of the original, and you could definitely just stay at home and watch the original and get more out of it then paying £30 at the cinema (far more if you’re a family). Some of the jokes fell sort of flat, some of them worked, it was a bit of a mix. 

For the most part, the new voices weren’t too bad but none of them were better than the original voice actors. I honestly don’t understand why they didn’t bring back Matthew Broderick, Moira Kelly, Nathan Lane, Jeremy Irons, Rowan Atkinson, Ernie Sabella, Whoopi Goldberg etc. Obviously I know at least two of the original voice actors died (the ones for Sarabi and Rafiki) but why replace the ones who are still alive? I just...I don’t understand to be honest. Having more members of the original cast would have definitely triggered nostalgia for the adults watching the trailer/adverts and made them want to watch it more. 

I didn’t hate it as much as I expected to. I don’t think I would want to pay to see it again (so if I do end up seeing it again, it’ll probably be at my place and for free) but it was cute and I can understand why parents would want to bring their kids to watch it. I did feel super nostalgic but afterwards, I kind of just wanted to go home and watch the original again. And I literally rewatched it three days ago. 

It’s definitely not a masterpiece like the original was - none of the remakes are up to the standard of their original movies, but The Lion King is definitely nearer the bottom of my list in terms of how good a movie it is. Like I said, it wasn’t anywhere near as terrible as I thought it would end up being - I fully expected to want to leave halfway through and to have a raging headache, but that was not the case. It was a fine way to pass the afternoon, no doubt, and I think I ate too much food whilst I was there, but other than that...yeah, you get the idea.

If nothing else, it has adorable lion cubs in it so that’s a big plus I guess.

[slbp-secret-cupid]

Dare to Love

Happy Valentine’s Day @han-pan!! I hope your day goes well and that you eat lots of yummy food, even if it’s not chocolate ♡ I thoroughly enjoyed browsing your blog to find inspiration for something I could write for you!!! I ended up deciding on this University AU for Toshiie. Now that this exchange is over, I can finally follow you without worrying that you’ll be suspicious, haha. This isn’t much, but I hope you enjoy it!

Today. It would be today. No more chickening out, he’d decided. Toshiie held his head high as he approached her apartment, his childhood friend, the love of his life. He puffed up his chest and relaxed his clenched fists. It would be today. He wouldn’t back down. He was determined. He was going to throw up.

Toshiie stopped to collect himself. He’d only begun to wipe his hands on his jeans, hoping the sweat would go away, when the door swung open.

“Inuchiyo?” she yelped. “What are you doing here?”

He nearly stumbled over his own feet before steadying himself and smiling lamely at her.

“I’m…” he trailed off, mouth hanging open as she continued to stare in confusion.

Toshiie coughed. “…ask you something. I’m here to ask you something.”

She smiled and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. If she smiled at him like this every day, he could die a happy man.

“Inuchiyo?”

It was now or never.

Toshiie echoed her name back at her. He cleared his throat again. “Do you…maybe…wanna go out with me? Sometime? Well, we go out together all the time. What I mean is…” he groaned when he realized how lame he was being, and resisted the urge to throw himself down the stairs. “Do you want to be my girlfriend!?” The request came out as a shout in his frustration.

There was a long moment of silence and Toshiie realized he’d been staring at her feet when he asked. His arm shook and he restrained from punching himself. That could wait. He had to hear her answer first.

He’d caught the way she looked at him sometimes, when she thought he wasn’t looking. The small smile that pulled at her lips and that soft look in her eyes. It was for him, wasn’t it? He wasn’t imagining things, was he?

When he finally brought his eyes to hers, he saw the same gentle look in them. They crinkled just the smallest bit before a look of panic crossed her face. And then she was laughing, a sound that usually brought him so much joy now only alarmed him the longer it continued.

“Toshiie,” she laughed, reaching out to grab his arm. “You’re not serious,” she was grinning and her eyes held no trace of the distress he’d seen in them just moments ago, but he could feel how tightly she was gripping his arm.

Toshiie closed his eyes and his heart dropped. She never called him Toshiie.

“You’re joking, right?” she kept her voice light, but her nails were starting to dig into his skin, even through the fabric of his shirt.

Toshiie mustered up all the courage he had left inside him, and then opened his eyes and laughed with her. He wouldn’t ruin their friendship. He cared about her too much to do that.

“You’re right! It’s just a joke.”

He didn’t miss the look of relief that washed over her face.

“It was a dare,” words began to pour out of him faster than he could think. “Hideyoshi insisted that I would chicken out.” Toshiie laughed and hoped it didn’t sound as strangled as his heart felt. “So I decided to prove him wrong.”

She rolled her eyes, but kept laughing. This was good. They could go back. He hadn’t completely ruined things.

“So, do you want me to play along then?” she asked after she’d calmed down.

Toshiie’s head shot up.

“You know,” she said. “So you don’t lose face. We can show Hideyoshi that you’re not just his little puppy.”

He almost choked.

“Yes?” she asked when he didn’t immediately respond. “Or no?”

He thought of her small hand in his, the sweet looks they would share, however fake they might be. He thought of the anxiety he’d seen in her eyes earlier, and all he wanted to do was make that go away, make her happy.

“Yes.”

—————

“So? What did she say?” Hideyoshi asked as soon as his roommate returned. 

Toshiie ignored him, opting to chug down an entire cup of cold water instead.

“That bad?”

He slumped down onto the couch next to Hideyoshi and slung an arm over his face.

“She thought I was joking,” he grumbled. “So I told her you dared me to do it.”

Hideyoshi stopped and faced Toshiie. He was clearly distraught, but he hadn’t barricaded himself in his room just yet, and he wasn’t drinking himself to death either.

“And?”

“And she said she would go along with it. Pretend that we’re dating.” Toshiie groaned. “So I wouldn’t lose face.”

There was a beat of silence before Hideyoshi burst out laughing. He didn’t stop even when Toshiie threw a pillow in his face.

 ————— 

Toshiie didn’t know what he was expecting when he agreed to fake date his childhood friend, but he supposed he shouldn’t have expected much. They weren’t really dating after all.

They still studied together on a weekly basis. The number of study dates they went on increased, so it would look like they were spending more time together, and as much as Toshiie loved seeing her, he dreaded the thought of only being able to stare at his textbooks while she sat across the table from him.

He sighed, took a gulp of his now cold coffee, and laid his head down on the table. It’d been two hours since she’d come over to study, and for almost half of that time now, his puppy, Mamechiyo, had been napping in her lap. He fought the urge to growl at it. How stupid was it to be jealous of a dog…?

“Inuchiyo,” she warned without ever looking away from her notes. “What are you doing? We’re not taking a break for another five minutes.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sat up only to reach for his phone. “There’s still another month until finals anyways,” he mumbled.

She sighed and went back to her work until her alarm went off exactly five minutes later. Toshiie watched as she stretched and then looked away again when she began to pet Mamechiyo. It wasn’t long before a paper ball bounced off of his head.

When he looked up, he swore he saw the lightest blush coloring her cheeks, but then he blinked and it was gone.

“If you’re so bored, let’s go on an actual date next time.”

 —————

Toshiie decided to take her to the museum near their university for their first fake real date. There was going to be an exhibit about clothing in Sengoku Era Japan, and ever since he could remember, she’d always been interested in that kind of stuff.

He didn’t think he could love her more than he already did, but the way she walked the halls with a skip in her step and the way her eyes lit up at every little placard had his heart racing. They didn’t do more than walk next to each other, a few feet between them. They didn’t hold hands or take any of those cheesy couple photos he sometimes saw online, but Toshiie couldn’t remember a time he’d been happier.

 —————

After weeks of more study dates, they were finally rewarding themselves with a movie night, but it was only the second movie of the night, and she was already giving in to sleep.

“Wake me up when this movie’s over,” she yawned. “I’ll go back to my place then.”

Toshiie nodded, torn between actually paying attention to the movie and relishing the warmth of her body pressed against his under the blanket. Sitting this close to one another, he could smell her shampoo and had to resist the urge to wrap himself around her and drown himself in her scent. Not too long after he felt her fall limp against him, Toshiie found himself beginning to nod off as well…

He was laying down when he woke up, the same blanket tucked around his body, and his best friend pacing at the foot of his bed. Toshiie sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Inuchiyo,” she whined, her voice no louder than a whisper. “You were supposed to wake me up. It’s nine o’clock in the morning!”

Toshiie watched as she walked around his room in nothing but a ratty, oversized t-shirt and leggings. Her hair was a small pile of chaos atop her head, and her face was just the tiniest bit swollen from a long night’s sleep.

“I can hear Hideyoshi out there and now I have to go home looking like this,” she continued.

Toshiie shrugged, letting his eyes fall shut as he remembered waking up in the middle of the night to the feeling of her body snug against his. “At least now we look like we’re really dating.”

“Inuchiyo!”

He grinned when he thought about waking up next to her every morning.

“It’s not funny!”

When he opened his eyes again, a deep red blush had spread across her cheeks. His smile grew just a bit bigger.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” he said. “Come on, I’ll walk you home and then we can get breakfast together after.”

She began to relax, but the blush didn’t go away. “Fine.”

Hideyoshi choked on his breakfast when the two rushed out of the apartment together, but he was sure to throw a wink Toshiie’s way before they were gone.

—————

They were making ohagi together–or really, he’d convinced her to take a break from studying for finals to teach him how to make it.

It wasn’t really that difficult to make, and Toshiie thought he could probably make it himself if he tried, but he wanted her ohagi. It always tasted just a little bit better when she made it for him.

“Won’t we be bothering your roommate?” she asked.

“Hideyoshi?” Toshiie said. “No. He told me he’d be out somewhere else tonight.”

Honestly, he was just relieved that he wouldn’t have to share her ohagi with anyone else.

They danced around one another in the small kitchen, preparing ingredients and messing around. Toshiie was mashing up the sweet rice when the doorbell rang.

His brows furrowed together as he headed for the door. Hideyoshi didn’t forget his key again, did he? He wasn’t even supposed to be back this early, damn it.

When Toshiie opened the door, it wasn’t Hideyoshi who greeted him, but his older brother.

���Toshiie,” Toshihisa said, holding up a bag packed with containers of homemade food. “I dropped by home and Mom asked me to bring these to you on my way back to the city.”

“Who is it?” a voice interrupted from the kitchen before Toshiie had a chance to respond. She came out in the cute little apron she’d brought with her and smiled when she saw the brothers. “Oh! Toshihisa,” she greeted him with a smile. “We were just starting to make some ohagi, would you like some to take with you?”

Toshihisa shook his head. “I’m only here to give this to Toshiie. I have to be on my way soon.”

“Are you sure? It won’t take long.”

“I’m sure.”

She nodded in understanding before humming something about getting back to the rice, and returning to the kitchen.

“Thanks,” Toshiie broke the silence, finally taking the bag from his brother.

Toshihisa nodded and turned to leave, but paused, lingering in the doorway.

“She looks happy,” he noted, watching Toshiie with a sharp eye.

Toshiie’s throat was suddenly incredibly dry. He hadn’t meant for their family members to find out about their relationship. It was fake after all, and their families were too close to stir up that kind of trouble.

It pained him to think that everyone knew how desperately in love with her he was—even if she didn’t know—but that’s how it had always been. And how it was supposed to be, no matter how much he wished she wasn’t just doing him a favor in fake dating him.

“Take care of yourselves,” Toshihisa said when Toshiie didn’t respond. He turned to leave without another word.

 —————

She’d been studying all day, Toshiie knew, and so when he got off work that evening, he decided he’d bring her dinner. He found himself rushing to her apartment and opening the door he knew wouldn’t be locked after buying something simple they could eat together.

“My savior,” she crooned when she saw him, immediately reaching for the takeout.

They spent the next hour eating while Toshiie listened to her complain about class or work. When they were all done, he settled down next to her on the couch and they studied together.

The sun had long set, and Toshiie had yet to leave.

“Inuchiyo,” she said after almost an hour of silence.

“Hmm?”

“When…” she hesitated and he looked up to see wrinkles forming between her brows.

He waited for only a moment before she spoke again.

“How much longer should we keep doing this?”

He knew what she was talking about immediately, and his stomach dropped. Toshiie imagined no more study dates and no more late movie nights. He thought of the way she’d smile at him as he walked into their coffee shop, waving him over to the table she’d saved. He thought of her sitting next to him on his bed as they watched a cheesy movie together while they cuddled under a blanket, because his apartment was cheap and the heater didn’t work well. He imagined a world before he walked her home after class, before sharing stupid secrets, even if they were just about a fake relationship.

“Just a little longer,” he decided. “It’s only been a few weeks, right?” Almost two months. “I want Hideyoshi to be really convinced.” He groaned internally when he thought about how stupid that sounded. And how illogical his reasoning was.

“Oh,” she nodded slowly, and then the smile he loved so much crept back onto her face. “Okay. But only if you keep bringing me food.”

Toshiie grinned. He thought about how she’d been complaining to him earlier, without a care in the world that her mouth was full of food. “Okay, deal.”

Just a little longer…

Toshiie sighed as he walked home alone. He was such an idiot.

 —————

Finals were officially over, papers turned in, and grades submitted, and before everyone settled in or headed home for the short winter break, Hideyoshi decided to throw a small party.

“Invite your girlfriend,” Hideyoshi had cooed at Toshiie, and he’d rolled his eyes in response, but here they were, sitting together among a group of friends huddled together in their apartment.

Toshiie didn’t know how many bottles of beer he’d drunk, but he was on high alert. They’d started a game of Never Have I Ever, and the questions were starting to veer dangerously towards relationships. Hideyoshi had been waggling his eyebrows at him all night.

Naturally, he had refused to play and was sulking just outside the game circle, not that that deterred Hideyoshi from teasing him.

“Just because Toshiie’s not playing, it doesn’t mean his girl can’t, right?” Hideyoshi sang, pulling her into the seat next to him.

Toshiie downed another bottle as he watched Hideyoshi purposefully rile him up.

When she finally got up to leave, Toshiie followed, having already decided that he’d walk her home. They were all bundled up and he already had the door open when Hideyoshi pulled her away again.

“I have to tell her something,” he explained with a wide grin.

Toshiie watched as the two of them stepped away. He wanted to wring that monkey’s neck when he leaned in to whisper in her ear, but he saw her mouth fall open, her hands quickly flying up to cover it. Hideyoshi kept talking, but she caught Toshiie’s gaze and she smiled so tenderly at him that Toshiie felt himself flushing. The tips of his fingers were tingling with the need to hold her. She held his gaze, laughing at something Hideyoshi said, and Toshiie wanted to drown in the sound.

Everything was a blur until he found himself walking next to her in the dark. All he could think about was the way she’d talked and joked around with Hideyoshi and their friends—how perfectly she fit into his life, and not just as his childhood friend. Even now, as she was talking with him, her voice was melodic and her eyes were bright.

“Inuchiyo?” she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and peered closer at his face. “Your cheeks are pretty red. Are you okay? Did you have too much to drink?”

Toshiie shook his head. He’d been staring too long.

“I’m okay,” he smiled at her.

She didn’t look very convinced, but they kept going towards her apartment anyways. He walked her to the door, the way he always did, but when she turned to go in, he stopped her.

They watched one another in silence before she pressed a hand to his forehead.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want to come in for water?”

Her cool palm was so refreshing against his hot skin, and her concern was extremely endearing. Toshiie thought about how soft her lips looked and he could feel the alcohol buzzing in his blood, but he couldn’t help himself.

Before he knew what he was doing, his lips were on hers.

He pinned her to the door and leaned down so that she wouldn’t have to strain her neck. He pressed himself against her, and when her cold hands slid up his sides, he froze.

Wrong. This was wrong.

Toshiie ripped himself away from her.

“I’m sorry.” He was panting.

“Inuchiyo—”

“I didn’t mean to take advantage of you,” he ran a hand through his hair, and then brought it down to scrub his face. “Fuck.”

“Toshiie wait—” she reached for him but he pulled away.

Toshiie’s throat was starting to close up and his head was pounding. God, he was pathetic.

“I’m sorry,” he cut her off before she could say anything else. “We’ve both had a lot to drink. I shouldn’t have. I need to stop—let’s stop this fake dating. We can’t do this anymore.”

Everything was spinning. Toshiie turned to leave. He need to go now, or he’d rely on her forever, take advantage of her kindness and use it for his own selfish wishes.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, walking away from her as fast as he could.

He heard her call after him once, twice, before he was far enough away that he couldn’t make out her voice any longer. Good. He wasn’t sure he could’ve kept going if she’d called for him one more time.

 —————

Two missed calls and three unread messages.

Toshiie couldn’t stop thinking about the way her lips felt against his. He couldn’t forget the way she’d looked at him after he’d all but forced himself on her, and the concern in her eyes when he turned and left her. He was ashamed of himself. She was still worried about him even when he’d been so awful.

Let’s talk later, Toshiie texted her back.

“So you just left without saying anything?” He could still hear Hideyoshi berating him. “You need to explain yourself and make things right between the two you, Toshiie.”

It was night time when she knocked on his bedroom door. Her voiced followed the three raps.

“Toshiie, I’ve given you a day. Can we talk now?”

He opened the door and before he could say anything, she let herself in and shut the door behind her. She crossed her arms and glared at him.

“You’re always acting like you’re some kind of hero or martyr and you decide what’s good for everyone else without thinking about how they actually feel.”

“I know,” his voice was quiet and he could barely bring himself to look into her eyes as she spoke.

She exhaled sharply and crossed her arms. “So are you going to listen to me now?”

Toshiie’s head hung even lower, if at all possible, and he nodded.

“Last night I was trying to tell you that Hideyoshi told me you were serious the day you confessed.”

Toshiie clenched his jaw, that bastard monkey, always meddling where he wasn’t wanted…

“And it was a good thing!” she quipped when she saw the annoyance flit across his face. “Clearly neither of us were going to get anything done otherwise.” She took another deep breath before continuing. “I feel awful for the way I reacted when you confessed, and I’m sorry for that. We were both wrong. But did you really think I would have agreed to fake date you if I wasn’t also in love with you? I wouldn’t do that for just anyone, Toshiie.”

She loved him? She loved him. His heart was pounding so loudly he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly.

“Did you hear me? I said I love you.”

“I…” Toshiie nodded again. The blood pumping in his veins was deafening but all he could hear was her voice. I love you. “Yes.”

“And then we kissed, and I thought we were going somewhere. If you weren’t going to confess, I was going to, but then you broke it off without waiting to hear what I had to say.” She was still upset, her lips were starting to curl into a frown, and all Toshiie wanted to do was kiss it away. He wanted to feel her lips on his again, but he knew he needed to fix this first.

He reached for one of her hands, holding it in his, and when he was sure she was okay with it, he pulled her into his chest, crushing her body against his.

“I made a mistake,” Toshiie whispered, burying his face into her neck. “I’ve been running from this for so long. I was so afraid that you would hate me. I saw how panicked you were when you thought I might have been confessing for real. I’m sorry.”

He felt her nodding against his shoulder.

“I was afraid too.” She wrapped her arms around him, pressing them even closer to one another.

Toshiie pressed a timid kiss to her neck and then laughed against the skin. “I can’t believe I poured my heart out to you and you thought I was joking.” He pulled back, holding her face in his hands before pressing his forehead to hers.

“Will you give me another chance?” He asked, his lips so close to hers that he could almost taste her.

She smiled for him, and nodded, moving forward to finally kiss him. This time when her hands snaked up his sides, they were warm and he welcomed them. As their lips moved against one another’s, Toshiie found himself unable to contain the swelling of his heart and the overwhelming feeling of having her in his arms and knowing she was his and he was hers. He could feel her smiling, even as they stole breaths from one another and pressed themselves closer together. This time, when they kissed, Toshiie knew that everything was just as it should be.

[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (11)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 6,6K

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Masterlist

Notes: This chapter had been planned since I don’t know... Chap 2 or something LOL. I’m happy it finally came. I’m also happy to say that the next one will be hella suggestive. I hope you guys like it! I’m writing the chap 14 for now, so we’ve been kinda okay with the schedule. Let’s hope I don’t get blocked!

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

Updates: Tuesdays

Tagging: @aliceu @thatrandomoneinthecorner  @channiewoo  @bythesunnotbythemoon

                                                           ////

     You wiped all your things in your bag as soon as the bell rang, glancing at Hyunjin and Paris before getting up from your chair.

    “Are you coming with us, Hyunjin?” You asked mindlessly, checking if you had everything inside your bag and hoisting it over your shoulder as you concluded that everything was there. You looked at him, waiting for his answer, and watching as he placed his things inside his bag, taking out your book from there.

   “I won’t eat in the dining hall” He scrunched his nose, making you roll your eyes. Paris looked at you amused before looking at him and gasp, snapping her head back at you with a surprised look. You arched your brow, confused by her sudden behavior, and she darted her eyes back to him before settling them on you.

   “He was the friend you met on Wednesday?!” She asked excitedly, and you frowned. What the hell was she talking about? You looked at him confused, and he sent you a knowing look, a smirk plastered on his face.

   “Talking about me to your friends already, hm?” He teased, and you stared at him blankly before shaking your head slightly, rolling your eyes. Paris took the book in her hands, waving it for you to see it. You frowned, no clue about what she expected you to do.

   “You said you were going to meet your friend to give it to him!” She recalled, and you widened your eyes, remembering your lies. Great, now Paris would be fixed on the idea you were meeting Hyunjin behind her back “So… Are you guys friends now or something?” She grinned, and Hyunjin raised his brow at you, questioningly.

   “Yeah, yeah” You agreed, giving him a warning look that he took silently, keeping his mouth shut, “Something like that” You added, forcing a smile. Paris narrowed her eyes, suspicious, and you began to walk, so they would follow you and drop the subject.

   Paris clearly couldn’t be an actress, because she didn’t follow the script in your head.

   “Something, hm?” She teased, and you looked at Hyunjin for help. He shrugged, not knowing what to do since he didn’t even know what was going on, and you let your shoulders drop in defeat “Should I leave the love birds by themselves?” She grinned, and Hyunjin ─who clearly didn’t understand how to maintain a friendship with you─ grinned along.

   “Should she?” He asked playfully, looking directly at you. You pushed your tongue against your cheek, annoyed. Paris’s grin morphed into a full wide smile, eyes sparkling in excitement as she clasped her hands and looked at you. She was beaming. You could risk saying that you never saw her that happy in your whole life, almost relieved.

   That was how much she wanted you dating someone… Jesus.

   “Hyunjin, fuck off” You asked, voice drained and a pleading expression that made him chuckle. She giggled, happy with your not so gentle interaction, and you let out an exasperated sigh “We’re not dating, Paris” You pointed out, stressing your words. She hummed ─ clearly not buying them ─ and you let out a heavy sigh, wondering what have you done wrong in your life for your friend to believe in whatever she wanted, completely ignoring you.

    “Didn’t you mean fuck me?” Hyunjin goaded, smiling devilishly at you. Paris shot you a keyed up look, holding her breath as you walked, interested in your answer. You almost laughed at her eyes twinkling, like she was a child watching their favorite toy on display.

    “That’s exactly what I meant, thank you” You smiled obnoxiously, letting it hang in the air for a second too long, enough to confuse him “Fuck you” You added, grimacing, and he let out a wholeheartedly laugh, surprised by your retort. You chuckled, fighting back your smile as your eyes roamed around the quad as soon as you got to the stairs.

    “You almost tricked me” He confessed, humming in appreciation “You’re getting better at this”

    “Almost? You totally fell for it” You accused lightly, shooting him a funny look. Paris seemed pleased at your interaction, smiling at herself as she looked around the quad, mimicking your previous action. Unlike you, though, she let out a gasp. You raised your eyes to follow hers, spotting Han and his father walking side by side.

   “I thought Han would be lunching with us today” She mused, observing the other man walking along with them. They were walking fast, talking about something enthusiastically as Han nodded once in a while, a tight smile that conveyed his uncomfortableness from miles away. You frowned, concerned about him. Since Friday’s match, he had been feeling kinda down in general.

   Sometimes he seemed just alright as if he didn’t have anything to worry about.

   Sometimes he looked like he was drowning in regret.

   Just like now.

   The way his shoulders were dropped made it seem like he had to carry the weight of the entire world on them. The way his lips quirked down ─ almost imperceptibly but casting a shadow in the corner of his lips ─ made it seem like his whole face was taken by whatever dark thoughts wandered around his mind. The way his jaw clenched ─ stretching his neck just a little bit ─ made it seem like he had an invisible rope ready to strangle him. The way his eyebrows quivered almost imperceptibly made you realize how much he was trying to hide a clear ocean of emotions behind his worried eyes.

   You knew something was wrong and you couldn’t believe one lost match was the reason why he seemed so down lately.

   So what exactly was his problem?

   You pursed your lips, patting Paris’s shoulder before looking at Hyunjin, waving him goodbye before turning to her, forcing a small smile. You made your way to the dining hall, dismissing Paris’s idea of going their way to greet them but sending some looks over your shoulder. Maybe later you should try to figure it out.

   For now, though, it was lunchtime.

                                        //////

    Later arrived sooner than you expected.

    You bit your hot dog, crossing your legs as you fixed yourself on the stool and leaning against the stand as you watched the P.E building, waiting for Han to come out of his practice. You heard the coach wasn’t pleased about the results, and it seemed like he was taking out his frustrations on the team, tiring them out.

    You distracted yourself for a split of a second, admiring the dark sky that fell upon you. Although work in a library was fun to some extent, it was always strange to get in there with the sun burning your scalp and people wandering around, chatting up, to get out when everything was dark and quiet. The lights shooting from the roof made you trail their path, getting too invested in them to notice someone coming in your way.

   “Waiting for your boyfriend?” Minho’s voice sounded as soon as someone shadowed your view. You focused your gaze on him. Despite his usual teasing, it was clear he was drained, an unusual frown giving him away. You gestured to the stool beside you for him to sit, ignoring his teasing like you often did when you didn’t find it in you the urge to whine at him. He gestured to the employee, asking whatever he called the usual before he sat down.

   The silence was slightly awkward but neither of you tried to say anything at first. You glanced at him, munching your food as you pretended not to be interested in why he looked so edgy today. He tapped his fingers on the stand, eyes fixed on the building behind him; though he probably didn’t intend to show his anxiety, the subtle rocking his body made back and forth was enough for you to sigh in defeat, lowering your food.

   “What is it?” You decided to ask, taking him by surprise. He looked at you astonished; impressed you even noticed something was wrong with him, blinking a few times as he deadpanned. You rolled your eyes, shoulders dropping as you scoffed “Really? You look like shit, Minho! Also, you can’t stop bouncing your leg and drumming your fingers. I mean, either you’re anxious or you really want to be a drummer” He snorted, nodding in defeat.

   “It’s been tiring” He shrugged “Coach is mad at us for losing like that… I fucked everything up” He admitted “I couldn’t even think about missing a serve in a time like this… He’s been on my tail since then” He sighed, clearly overwhelmed “Also, I think Han isn’t feeling much better… “ He eyed you cautiously “Isn’t he distant lately?” You blinked, thinking deeply.

   Well, to tell the truth, he kinda was.

   “I think so? He has been acting weird… I don’t think it’s about the match though” You confessed, resting your hot dog on the stand before continuing “Sometimes it just seems like he’s lost inside his head, I don’t know how to explain” He nodded in agreement, looking at your food as if he craved for it, making you chuckle “You can have it, I’m okay” You pushed it his way, fighting back a chortle as he blushed, embarrassed.

    “No! Sorry! I’m just…” He closed his eyes when his stomach growled, and this time you couldn’t hold back your laughter, pushing your food closer to him “Sorry, I’m starving” He admitted, picking up your hot dog and humming as soon as he had a bite “The damn coach didn’t give us any time to fucking eat!” He muttered, mouth full of food, as he tried to cup it so he wouldn’t spat at you.

    “Han missed the practice? Where is he?” You asked out of nowhere, realizing that if the coach was on their tail, he should be with Minho right now. Minho gulped down his food, sighing.

    “He’s at the gym… He said he needed some alone time” He took another bite, cupping his mouth again “Said he wasn’t hungry… As if” He scoffed. You frowned, looking at the building once more, attention dragged back as Minho’s food was settled in front of him “Do you want some?” He offered, pointing to his brand new hot dog.

    “Actually… Can I have this? I’ll pay for yours” You reassured him, picking up your bag to search for your wallet “I’m going to push it down his throat” You grunted, putting the money right in front of Minho. He laughed, shaking his head and waving his hand dismissively.

   “What a caring girlfriend” He teased, gesturing so he could order another one, pushing your money back to you before you gave him a neck-slap “I owe him one” He shrugged it off, and you wiped your money back into your bag, picking up the hot dog and quickly making your way to the gym, afraid he would just go home unexpectedly.

    You struggled a little bit to find it but as soon as you spotted Han laid down on the floor, arms crossed upon his eyes and fingers buried into his hair ─ the definition of defeat himself ─ you felt all your unsettledness dissolve into pure worry. You cleared your throat, and the sudden echo in the empty gym startled him. He shot his body up, sitting on the floor and moving his hands away so he could see who was sneaking there; shoulders dropping in relief when he spotted you.

   The next second, he tensed up, realizing it was you.

   “What are you doing here?” He asked surprised, way more stiffly than you were used to seeing him. You approached him, handing the hot dog without a word, and he arched his brow in wonder, looking at you as if you were crazy “What is it? You suddenly had the urge to come here with a hot dog?” He scoffed, and this time you rolled your eyes.

   “Just eat the damn thing” You pushed it in the air, and he took it gratefully “I heard you said you weren’t hungry… I immediately realized you needed a friend. I mean, did I ever see you satisfied in your life?” You joked, and he laughed at it for a few seconds before his laughter died slowly, giving way to an awkward silence.

   “I don’t think you did” He muttered under his breath, taking a bite. You gasped, taken aback by the sudden change in the mood. Han wasn’t the one to complain about his life. If you were being honest, you couldn’t recall a time he complained about anything for real ─ well, except for Hyunjin being in your life ─, so you took the hint to sit down next to him, placing your hand on his knee.

    “You know you can talk to me, right?” You offered unsure, eyeing him cautiously “I may not be able to help you but I can hear you out” You gave him a small smile which he returned, sighing right after. He took a bite of his food but didn’t seem to care about the taste, as he didn’t even hum like he used to do when he ate it.

   “I don’t know where to begin with” He stated, eyes unfocused but fixed somewhere over your shoulder “I mean… I don’t know… You know?” He trailed off, which wasn’t really helpful. You furrowed your brows, tilting your head.

  “Could you be more specific?” You asked amused, and he chuckled, gulping down his food.

   “I lost this game… And for what, Y/N? For what?” He sighed heavily “Dad brought a friend to meet me today… He said those things happen, said he knows I’m better than that…” You perked up at that, happy he would have another chance sooner than expected “He watched my other games and said I’m promising” He concluded with another sigh.

  Though his words were all good signs, he said them as if they were a death sentence.

  “I don’t follow you” You admitted, confused “Isn’t it a good thing? I mean… Did he give you a chance? Will you play on a team?” You added, and he looked at your eyes deeply demotivated.

  “I don’t deserve that spot” His tone was hurt, kinda breathy, and you were taken aback by how destroyed he looked. Has he ever been this tired? You couldn’t remember it “I wasn’t supposed to have that spot” He added, laughing humorlessly “What about my team? What about them, Y/N? They missed their chances because I’m a son of a bitch” His hands fisted his hair and he gazed at the floor, embarrassed to raise his eyes and look at you.

   “You deserve it, Han! I watched every game for the last two years… You were incredible in each one of them. One bad day can’t just erase all of your hard work” You took your hand from his knee to rest it on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly “They’ll get another chance! All of you made some mistakes throughout the game… A lost match isn’t the responsibility of a single player, Han. You’re a team”

   “I missed the ball” He blurted out, and you raised your brows surprised.

   “Yeah, I know but it doesn’t mean you’re the one to—“ He interrupted you, voice firm and guilty.

   “No, I missed the ball” He shut his eyes, and you frowned, confused.

   “Yes, I know… What I mean is –“ You tried again, and this time he interrupted you with a peal of incredulous laughter but not a hint of humor in it.

   “No! You don’t understand it!” He whined, voice faltering as if he was about to cry “I missed it, Y/N… I choose not to save it! I missed the damn ball!” He raised his voice, half-yelling on the silent gym; voice echoing over and over again, sinking in your brain slowly.

   “You did what?” You couldn’t believe it. Why would he do something like that? You stood there, staring at him blankly, blinking a few times as you tried to make sense of what he just said. He looked at you with so much hurt in his eyes, that it was impossible not to feel the regret engulfing him right now.

  “I let my team lose… I took away their chances because I’m an egoistic son of a bitch” His voice was thick, heavy even, and yet it broke into a million pieces. You felt your heart sink, not knowing what to say. He covered his eyes, bringing his knees next to his chest to rest his face there, grip tightening on his hair.

  “Why?” You asked slowly, at a loss of words. He raised his head just a little bit, enough for you to get a glimpse of his teary eyes and quivering chin.

  “I don’t want to be a player” He confessed bluntly.

   At first, you gasped, dumbfounded.

   Then everything made sense all at once.

   “You want to be a musician” You blurted out, breathlessly “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before… Han, why are you here? Why aren’t you going after your dreams?” You couldn’t understand him. He was so talented! He did so much in his projects with Paris… What was he afraid of? It didn’t make any sense.

   “It doesn’t matter what I want… What does matter is that I ruined what everyone else wanted” He sighed, cupping his cheek as he tilted his head to the side, looking at you with a face that had failure written all over it “And for what? Just to get into a team… It was useless” You frowned, starting to get upset at him.

  “Do you think you’re some kind of god or something?” You snarled, scoffing and looking away from him before returning your gaze “Were you alone in that damn court, Han? Were you playing all by yourself?” You ranted. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, surprised by your outburst.

  “No, but I could have –“ You sneered, nodding in discontent.

  “And so could them!” You shouted, and he pursed his lips, afraid of speaking up. You sighed, shoulders dropping “Look… The only thing you should be feeling guilty about is to be a dumbass” You snorted, and he seemed to relax a little bit “How can you think that your dream doesn’t matter, Han? It’s all that matters… It’s your life. You just have this one to live” You looked deep into his eyes, and he averted them, flustered.

   “Actually… If you believe in reincarnation and –“ You groaned, interrupting him.

   “Don’t try to change the subject!” You threatened him with your eyes but he seemed to find it amusing, letting out a chuckle “Why aren’t you pursuing your dreams? Why are you here if you could make yourself a hell out of a musician?” You asked curiously, and his amusement faded away.

   “You’re going to laugh at me…” He trailed off. You squeezed his shoulder once more, encouraging him to speak “Dad was a volleyball player” He began awkwardly, and you nodded reassuringly “He got injured real bad and had to retire… He got kinda depressed, you know? It was his dream. He loved to play. It happened when I was a kid… I decided to join my school team, so he could watch my matches and… Well, I wanted to make him feel happy” He shrugged.

   You sighed, knowing damn well how it would end.

   “When I won my first match he was so excited… It was the first time he laughed like that in a long time, so I just… Well, I wanted to allow him to live his dream through me” He sighed “And I loved to play, I really did. Somewhere along the way, it stopped being my dream and it started to be my burden, though” He looked at you, waiting for your reaction, and you looked at him sympathetically.

   “So drop it” You advised, and he scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief.

   “You don’t understand it! I don’t want to disappoint him… He did nothing but support me my whole life, Y/N… I’m his Champ” He sounded bitter, lips twisting down “How can I take it away from him? How can I carry the burden of letting him down?” He sighed, and you chuckled. He raised his eyes, confused, and your chuckled grew to a giggle until you couldn’t stop laughing. He looked offended, so you rushed to wave your hands eagerly.

   “I’m not laughing at you!” You assured, shaking your head in amusement “It’s just… Han, I don’t think you could ever let him down, really. The man just adores you! He’d accept you as you are, Han. Whoever you are. He loves you, and he does it from the bottom of his heart” You reassured him, pushing his shoulder lightly “He even approved of your imaginary relationship with Paris and Minho” You pointed out, laughing.

   “Don’t even remind me of this!” He cringed “It was embarrassing” He sighed, glancing over at you.

   “No, it wasn’t” You chuckled “I think it’s awesome you have someone who loves you so much… I can’t even imagine how it works” You smiled sadly, shrugging “I mean… I think he would have your back. He asked us to say to you that he was really proud of you, even if you lost it… He was concerned you’d be embarrassed to look at him after your match, that was why he just left earlier” He gasped, and you snorted “You should have known it but you got so drunk…”

   “Do you think he will take it well?” He asked unsurely, and you got up, extending your hand for him to help him out. He took it, standing right in front of you “I mean… Don’t you think it’d be better if I kept playing for him? I even have a team” You opened your arms for a hug, and he stood there staring at you.

    “Han, put it inside your head” You rolled your eyes “Your father loves you so much… Do you think his dream is to see you playing? His dream is to see you happy, Han. He’d be happy if you were happy. That’s all you need to do” You stepped closer to him, hugging him. He leaned his head against your shoulder, inhaling deeply “Just chase your dreams and he’ll support you with all his heart, okay? You’ll be a great musician and He’ll go to every one of your shows with Paris’s foam glove” You chuckled.

    You squeezed him, trying to convey some peace into him, feeling how he melted, hugging you back full of love. It was a warm hug and for a split of a second, you remembered Hyunjin saying Han liked you. You tried to pull away, haunted by the mere thought of taking him away from Paris but he held you tight.

   You inhaled sharply.

   “I never had someone to talk like this…” He muttered against your shoulder, and you hummed, patting his back “No one ever supported me like this… I’m…” He trailed off, and you got it as a hint to break away from him, smiling uncomfortably, rubbing your nape.

   “I mean, you have a lot of supporters! You have me and Par—“ Before you could complete your sentence, he interrupted you, grabbing your shoulders firmly and looking deep in your eyes.

   Oh boy.

   “I like you” He confessed, simply like this, and you shut your eyes tightly, exhaling slowly. You couldn’t get away from this “I have liked you for a while now… I always had a crush on you, and I thought I could just let it go but I can’t” He continued, rubbing circles on your skin with his thumbs. You opened your eyes again, looking at him like you were in pain “If you can just give me a chanc—“ You placed your finger upon his lips, sighing.

   “I can’t, Han… I’d do anything for you, I really like you but… Like a brother or something like this. I never thought about you as more than a friend” You admitted, pursing your lips as he gave you a hurt expression.

   “Maybe we can try to go on a date? Just to see if we may click! Perhaps you can come to like m—“ You sighed again, shaking your head slowly.

  “I really can’t… It wouldn’t be fair to you and it wouldn’t be fair to… Well, it’s just not fair” You shrugged, trying to keep Paris out of your speech. He pursed his lips, twisting them down and lowering his gaze, ashamed to look at you “Don’t be like this, we can still be friends and—“ This time was his time to interrupt you.

  “I can’t do it right now” He admitted “How can I look at you every day knowing you don’t like me back? Knowing you’re going to be my friend out of pity?” He looked deep in your eyes, and you could see how conflicted he was right now. The tears prickled in your eyes, and you could see how his eyes were glossy as well.

   “I don’t pity you… I really want to be your friend!” You assured him eagerly, voice faltering. He snorted, nodding in understanding.

   “But I don’t want to be friends with you… I want to be something more” He sighed, voice faltering as well. It was a vulnerable moment, and he took a deep breath before letting go of your shoulders “It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with you anymore, okay? It’s just that I can’t do it right now… I need some time” He confessed, averting his eyes.

   “You promise you won’t bail on me?” You asked, holding your pinky out in the air, expecting him to lock his with yours.

  “Yeah, of course” He smiled weakly at you, locking your fingers together.

                                                                    ////

   It was needless to say you looked like shit as soon as you got home.

   The walk to the dorms was quiet and uncomfortable as Han made sure to drop you off, claiming that some rejection didn’t mean he couldn’t make sure you would get home safe. Although it was gentle and thoughtful, the silence sank in a way that made you cringe the whole way in the most awkward walk you ever had in your life.

  You opened the door and something about it ─maybe it was the popcorn smell, maybe it was the soft sound of unknown voices coming from the TV ─ made you realize that you were finally home. It hit you like a truck, and all the tiredness washed over you mercilessly. The weight of your busy day impregnated every fiber of your body, and suddenly you felt too worn out to say anything. You let out a heavy sigh, closing the door behind you before dropping your keys and bag to the counter, walking to the fridge to have some water.

      From morning to night, all your day was filled with worries.

      Paris raised her eyes from the TV ─ pausing whatever she was watching to look at you, which gave you a moment of comfortable silence that made you hum in approval─, studying you silently for a few seconds. She seemed to be puzzled by your nonchalantly self and somehow it pushed her to talk to you, even if it was pretty obvious you didn’t want to say anything right now.

   “You’re late” She stated, glancing over the clock before turning her gaze back at you “Were you with Hyunjin?” She smiled mischievously, tone knowing and teasing, and you looked at her far too done to play along “You look exhausted, the night must have been really nic—“ You shot her a look, deciding you weren’t up to this kind of bullshit right now.

  “I was with Han” You interrupted, and her face fell. She averted her eyes before biting her lip, turning her gaze back at you, unsure if she should say something. You kept looking at her, waiting for some kind of reaction but she was settled in look eager to know though too afraid to ask.

  As if it wasn’t enough, your head started to pound.

  “He confessed to me” You decided to come clean, studying her reaction. She raised her eyebrows slightly, not as surprised as you thought she would be. If you must describe it, she looked resigned, as if she knew it would happen all along. You frowned, narrowing your eyes to her “You knew?” You sounded accusatory, and she didn’t miss the tone.

   “I think you’re the only one who couldn’t see it” She admitted, “How did it go?” She couldn’t even look at your eyes, fixing her gaze on the floor. You took another gulp, roaming your eyes up and down at her. She fisted her hands, head dropped and body all stiff as if she was really afraid of your answer; her voice sounded weak enough for you to know she was fighting the urge to cry, and it made you sigh once more.

   “How could I do this to you?” You gave her a small smile, which she saw because her head snapped back at you, eyes widen as she took your smile in “You love him, don’t you?”

  “You knew?!” She was taken aback. It seemed like the mere thought of you knowing about her feelings didn’t even cross her head. She stood up from the couch, and for a moment you thought she would beam and hug you, maybe even thank you for letting him go. Not that you needed it. You widened your smile but she didn’t offer you one back.

   Paris looked offended.

   Not like her usual mock offended self, or her joking and kind self. She looked as if you just slapped her in her face. She was angry, to say the least, face red and brows furrowed, jaw clenched and you could see her swallowing dry. Her eyes held a storm inside them that you never saw before, and for a moment you wondered if you misunderstood her feelings.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” She spat, and you blinked twice, surprised, head tilting back slightly as if her words had impacted you like a punch “Did you… I can’t… What the fuck were you thinking?!” She yelled, stumbling over her words. You couldn’t understand her train of thoughts, so you just stood there speechless.

  What the fuck was going on?

  “Answer me!” She demanded, tears prickling her eyes “God… You’re… Why are you like this?! Why can’t you… Argh!” She groaned, fisting her hair and pulling it slightly, throwing her head back. She let go of her hair, shooting you a glare “Why?! Just tell me why!” She uttered, and you decided to rest your glass on the counter, confused.

  “I don’t follow you… Are you mad because I said no to him?” You asked just to be sure, and she laughed like a maniac. Out of nowhere. You glanced at your sides, startled, wondering if maybe it was all a joke and tons of cameras would take pictures of your flabbergasted self. She stopped laughing to clasp her hands, the sharp sound making you yelp.

  “How did you know I liked him?” She asked, trying to organize her questions, inhaling deeply so she could control herself.

  “You told me and Hyunjin when you got drunk at the party before our deadline” You answered simply, choosing to be the most straightforward as possible. She nodded, looking displeased with herself, scrunching her nose before turning her gaze back to you.

  “Why did you say no to him?” She asked, voice lower, and you scoffed amusedly.

  “What is it? Am I obliged to return his feelings now?” You chuckled but she didn’t seem to find it funny. She glared at you, and your laugh died inside your throat, making you gulp down. She approached you, getting right at the other side of the counter, looking dead serious to something as harmless as this.

   “He loves you!” She uttered, pissed off, and you clapped your hands, starting to get annoyed at her constant yelling. Your head throbbed and your thought flickered around the fact that you were too tired for it, too eager to go to your bed and lay down. Suddenly, all of your turbulent feelings seemed to find their way out of you, turning into anger and displeasure.

   “What do you want me to do?!” You fumed “I just fucking got out of your way! Why the hell you’re so fucking mad?!” You inquired, smacking the counter, startling her for a second. She recovered fast though, mimicking you the next second.

  “Out of my way?!” She grunted “Do you ever think about anyone at all?! How did you think I’d feel when you refused him out of pity?!” She raised her voice, looking at you full of disgust “So I should thank your holy ass because you got out of my way?” She laughed humorlessly “Maybe I didn’t want you to get out! Maybe I wanted you in!”

  What the fuck now?

  “Take your head out of your butt once in your life! How do you think I felt seeing him liking you all this time?! Hm?! Did you think it was fun to watch me liking him when he liked you?!” You watched as the first tear rolled down her face “Did you think I’d be glad because you’re pitying me?!” She spat, looking away, trying to hide her tears streaming down her face.

  It was enough for you to calm down a little bit.

  “I don’t pity you” You said softly, and she scoffed, shaking her head in contempt.

  “Yeah? But you should!” She said bitterly “Did you know I liked him for two years?! Did you know how much I wanted to confess to him?! Do you know why I didn’t?!” It was hard to understand what she was saying; her voice sounding thick as she tried to hold back her tears, choking and sobbing as she tried to yell at you, all at the same time.

  “Paris, calm down” You asked, concerned, and she groaned once more, pressing her palms against her eyes before punching the counter.

  “Calm down?! I stepped away because I love you, Y/N! Because I love him!” her face was twisted in pain and regret, and you wanted to reach out for her but you didn’t, afraid of her reaction “You’re my best friend! I’d do anything for you! Anything!” She cried, hiccupping as she tried to recompose herself “You know how much it took for me to let him go so you could be with him? You shouldn’t reject him because of me! I can’t have gone through all this for nothing!” She yelled, devasted.

  “Why would you do that, Paris?” You were so confused right now, so lost in everything she was saying… She laughed, choking on her saliva before continuing, and you pondered about giving her your glass of water but the thought of a pissed Paris having a glass to throw at you demotivated you immediately.

   “Because you’re lonely!” She howled, whimpering, and trying to recompose herself once more.

   The silence was deafening.  

  “I… You… What?” You floundered, and she shut her eyes, sighing.

  “Because you’re lonely, Y/N… Because I know you need love in your life… Because I know Han can make you happy…” She dragged each sentence out of her chest, in a serious tone, crying toning down a bit, sounding utterly worn out “If what I have to do to make sure you end up happy is to step away and give up on him… Then I’d do it gladly” She concluded, and suddenly you could relate to her pained expression, scoffing in disbelief before breaking into a fit of laughter.

   You were fully aware you sounded crazy as you cackled up, smacking the counter over and over again as if she had just told you a hilarious joke. The laughter didn’t last for long, though, dying into your throat as your smacking turned harder each time until you were punching the counter, tears pouring out of your eyes uncontrollably. You shut your eyes closed, keeping hitting it nonstop until the pain you felt in your hand could cloud any other thought.

   “You call this friendship?” You gestured between both of you, voice trembling and breaking “You said I don’t think about anyone but what about you, Paris?” You asked bitterly, and when she averted her eyes, rage engulfed you “What about you, Paris?!” You yelled, smacking the counter once again “So you’re saying you did it all for me?! Out of pity?! Because I need love?!” You laughed humorlessly, shooting your head back to breathe deeply “I need a therapist, Paris! That’s what I need”

   You picked up your bag, glaring at her.

   “And you know what?! That’s what you need too!” You dropped your bag again, fuming “Giving up on someone you love because you think I need it more than you?! Don’t blame me for being a coward!” You scoffed, rolling your eyes “Do you want to be canonized or something? Do you think it makes you more worthy of love than me?” She gasped, trying to shake her head to deny it but you snorted and raised your hand for her to stop “Are you so desperate you’d do anything to be worthy of love? Am I so unworthy that you thought nobody but he could love me?” Your voice calmed down, the anger left behind to give way to an unwavering cold tone.

   “No, Y/N, that’s not what I mea—“ You picked up your bag, walking to the door “Where are you going?” She asked worried, trying to get closer to you.

   “Did you think that I might not love him back? Do you think I’m so desperate for love that I wouldn’t even think about my feelings? That I’d accept anything? Did you really think about my feelings at all?” You sighed, opening the door, ignoring her question “I don’t love him, Paris… I’m sorry you had to hold back your feelings all this time. I’m sorry it was so hard on you. I’m sorry for not coming up to your expectations…”

   You looked at her, deep in her eyes, and both of you held your urge to cry, looking at each other as if only hurt could dwell in your soul right now. Neither of you said anything, holding each other’s stare for a while, taking in the entire situation.

   “But all that…?” You gestured at her, hand fumbling in the air “It’s all on you” You stated seriously “Don’t blame me for things you decided by yourself… I have enough of this with my father, thank you very much” You snickered “If you were really glad to give up on him, you wouldn’t beam thinking I had something with Hyunjin, would you?” She bit her lips, averting her eyes embarrassed “Maybe you should think about why you’re so riled up about this… I didn’t reject him because I pity you, Paris…”

   You held up your breath before exhaling heavily, positioning yourself to get out. You hesitated for a second on the doorframe, facing the hall, back turned at her before voicing your thoughts once more,“But if you really wanna know, I think now I do” And with this being said, you closed the door, making sure to not look behind.

[patricia-von-arundel]

Frozen: A Dark Retelling - Chapter 24

Rating: T

Summary: The movie retold, a darker exploration of the characters, their motives, their psychological states, and their fates. Two sisters who were once the best of friends, kept apart by forces beyond their control: when secrets are revealed and death seems imminent, will their isolation eternally define them, or can they find one another again in the darkest depths of winter?

Elsa's second attempt at sleep was deep and hard and dreamless, eating away at the day around her. She woke to an unfamiliar, echoing noise like the deepest note of an organ, reverberating from the walls and shivering through her, as she lay disoriented and confused, still half asleep on her bed of ice and snow. She sat up slowly, blinking and stretching muscles stiff and sore after unaccustomed exertion. She hurt all over. Her head was pounding – she had to find food soon. Already, she had lost weight – hugging her knees to her chest, she could see how sharply defined the bones there had become, even though the opaque shell of her new dress. It was night – could she sneak down to one of the tiny villages scattered lower down in the mountains, find something while the inhabitants slept? But she didn't want to steal. How did people find food in the wild? She knew the basics, of course – hunting, fishing, foraging – but not the logistics of any of it. She heard another echoing boom from below, jerking her back to the realization that something was happening there. Her heart sped up; she hugged her knees more tightly. She had, only hours before, felt so secure, so bold; she had build a towering monument as testament. She had led them right to her. Men watching from the safety of Arendelle, staring up at the mountains as she had once done from her window. They had seen what she had done, sun reflecting off the smooth surface of her ice. And they did as was expected of men since time immemorial, facing with a monster: left the safety of secure walls, armed and atop swift, strong horses; like dogs, they would be baying for blood. Hers. She should have known they wouldn't wait. They would be afraid – as they should be – of this monstrous creature, one who could destroy them all; who almost, in fact, had done so. She curled more tightly, curving over herself. She was afraid, too. Whatever happened, she hoped it would be swift and as painless as possible, even if she did not deserve either. She had not felt enough. She had felt too much. It was so hard to think. She had slept all day, into the night, but her head still felt as though it was deep under water – pressure, pain, no clear perception. Again, she tried to remember how long it had been since she'd eaten, but she couldn't even figure out how long it had been since the coronation. "Elsa?" She jerked, her head coming up in startled, dismayed surprise. It couldn't possibly be her. "Elsa!" The voice behind the door. The voice echoing down the halls, stubborn and insistent. The voice screaming for her across the fjord. Anna – awful, irrepressible Anna. Elsa scrambled to her feet, backed into a corner of her little room, as if she might meld with the ice itself. Her heart begged her to go – but her head insisted that would be the most foolish thing she could possibly do. Anna. Of all the things she might have feared happening here, Anna showing up she had not even considered.

She wanted to see her. After the dream, that horrid dream, she just wanted to go her sister, tell her it would be fine, she would make a wonderful queen. And if she truly loved Prince Hans, then she should marry him – Elsa had no right to stand in the way. But talking to her felt risky; Elsa knew she was weak, likely to cave at any demands made of her, because she had always been weak. "Elsa?" The question had returned to her voice. Elsa took a step forward. Another. Her hands were clasped before her so tightly they ached. All those years... It would be all right, just for a moment; surely, it would be all right. Just to see Anna for a moment, and reassure her. Reassure herself that her dream was not coming true. Snow Queen. Elsa took another step forward. But it was hesitant. Her fingers slipped and twined against one another. What if Anna had come for her? She would have a retinue of guards with her, as Elsa remembered watching surround her mother and father on the few occasions they set out from the castle – dour, stiff-backed men who looked as if they could not smile if their very lives depended on it. The same men might now be with Anna, or perhaps their successors – trained to defend Arendelle's monarchy, whatever the cost. Elsa had buried her crown. But Anna wouldn't let them hurt her. Would she? Her voice came again, calling Elsa's name – with none of the dark undercurrent of the dream. She sounded almost as tentative as Elsa felt. Elsa took another step. Her body felt lost to her control, an automaton, cogs and springs carrying her onwards, drawing her to the voice from below; her mind might resist, but volition was lost. Anna – she needed to get to Anna. To see her. Explain. And send her away again. There could be no danger in one last glimpse. Could there?

The closer they got to Elsa's new palace, the more Anna felt her heart speeding up with nervous anticipation, the more her breath came short and fast from something besides the thin mountain air – and the more Kristoff hung back, clearly uncertain. He had seemed almost comfortable with her today, doing some talking, seeming a little less grumpy, if still not as friendly as she might have hoped a travel companion would be. She finally stopped halfway up the stairs leading to the palace and looked back at him. He was several steps below, staring upward at the imposing edifice Elsa had – apparently – constructed in the night. "Are you coming?" His eyes found hers, but he looked uncertain – almost afraid. She saw his chest rise on a deep breath. "Anna, I'm not so sure this is a good idea." "What?" They had made it all this way – she had made it all this way. Anna, the silly one, the one who never did quite as well, the one more likely to get a patronizing smile and praise for trying than to actually achieve anything – she had made it up here. Had found Elsa. Might even be able to bring her home. He couldn't want to take that away from her. He sighed, rubbed a hand across his face. "Look, I know you want to see her, but... what if she doesn't want to see you?" The hurt must have shown on her face – reflection of so many years of fearing exactly that: Elsa's rejection, her closed face and closed door. He continued quickly: "I don't mean that she'll never want to see you, just.. she might prefer a little time to herself." Anna looked towards the ice palace again – closed and cold and up among the clouds – and bit her lip. She couldn't stop thinking of the terror in Elsa's eyes, her desperate attempts to escape. And besides, as Kristoff himself had mentioned earlier, there was still the matter of all the snow. Elsa had to get rid of it, at least down in Arendelle – thaw the fjord and the city, allow people to come and go. She was surely more likely to do it if her own sister asked, especially if Anna could convince her there was no reason to be afraid. "I won't stay long," she said. "But I have to. I have to try to talk to her." Kristoff sighed again. "Anna, she could hurt somebody. Probably you. Let's find somewhere to make camp and-" But she cut him off. "You were the one who wanted to get here before dark. And she won't hurt me, she's never hurt anybody." "Anna, she-" But he stopped abruptly, closed his eyes, shook his head. "I'm just not sure this is a good idea." She repeated herself, the words still firm in her throat: "I have to." "And what if she does want to be left alone?" She shrugged, feigning nonchalance to hide having no answer, and turned away, starting back up the stairs, refusing to allow herself to doubt. Elsa was only meters away, and Anna had to get to her – not just for Arendelle's sake, but also to reassure herself that Elsa was all right, the panicked fear not now her permanent state of being. She wished she could also toss away her own burgeoning panic. The palace looming above her, everything it might represent, was as disquieting as it was beautiful. Shadowy in the dying light, it bristled like an icy guard, looking down on her with evident disapproval. Would she ever – ever – do whatever it was Elsa wanted? Would she ever even know what that might be? If Kristoff was right, if Elsa didn't want to see her, where did that leave her? Nevermind the kingdom, the prospect of ruling – where did it leave her? Who was Anna without Elsa? She thought of Hans, how she had practically begged him to help her escape, and felt suddenly, deeply ashamed of herself. How could she have considered leaving Elsa behind, scared and alone as she was? Anna couldn't even claim full ignorance of the truth; she had certainly known something had caused the castle to be locked up and kept that way. She had just been too scared, too selfish to give that something much thought. She had to see Elsa, to talk to her, no matter the outcome. To ask her to come home; even if she didn't want to be queen, that was okay, but Anna couldn't just leave her here, all alone and probably frightened. Maybe the palace was no more than a show – a cat puffing itself up to appear larger, more threatening, an attempt to hide how afraid and vulnerable it really was. And even if it wasn't, it didn't matter. Elsa was her sister. Elsa had once been her best friend. Anna needed to see her. She was at the top of the stairs. The door of the palace was in a direct line across a plateau of smooth snow – had Elsa left no footprints, or had it snowed here again? Maybe around Elsa, the storms of the night of her coronation had lasted longer – maybe inside, they were still ongoing. Anna had no way to even guess how long these things lasted for Elsa, once started, though clearly, the snow and ice did not melt merely because Elsa went elsewhere. Or would it, eventually? Anna didn't know that, either. She could hear the faint echoes of Kristoff's boots on the steps below her, resuming his climb. She didn't wait for him – she took a deep breath and set out for the palace. Her boots cracked the surface of the snow, leaving prints. The enormous doors looked down on her from ahead. They had no knobs, no handles of any sort. She had spent so long locked in, desperate for the doors to open. Desperate to greet the world once more. And oh, it was beautiful – it was frightening, overwhelming, strange. But still so very, very beautiful. Could Elsa see that? She had added such wondrous things to it. But she had closed the doors again. Anna walked across the snow. She put one mittened hand against the door; she could feel the cold through the thick wool. Kristoff caught up, but she hardly glanced at him. The door. She could not look away from the door. "I may... go in alone," she said. "Just in case. She can be a little... skittish." She expected a snide comeback, but Kristoff only said quietly, "I understand." She looked over at him, now – just for a moment, a flash of warmth – and smiled. "Thank you." He just nodded. She turned back to the door. Raised her hand. She knocked. The door swung open as if on a pendulum – so unexpectedly that Anna started, expecting nothing of the sort. It moved slowly but apparently effortlessly. There appeared to be no one behind it. "Maybe she does want to see you," Kristoff said – then, surprisingly gently: "Go on. I'll wait right here." Anna nodded. She could feel how fast her heart was beating, how shallow her breath came, but her comprehension felt sluggish and off-kilter. The inside of the palace was surprisingly well-lit, somehow capturing the last rays of the dying sun, shimmering in that cold light. She took a deep breath, and stepped over the threshold. It was as if she emerged into another world. Elsa's world. The air was thicker here, the calm absolute, an atmosphere of breathtaking solitude. The walls and ceiling were magnificent, faceted in glints and shining in a hundred shades of blue and white, above and below and all around, pulling at her eyes, playing with them. Even the floors were ice, though here it was perfect, seamless, a lake of smooth solidity. When she stepped onto it, she could feel the sudden weight, the density of it – and the same all around, surrounding her. The tap of her boot heel echoed. She shivered – and not from the cold. There was an air of menace here – as if the walls themselves were not sure they wanted to welcome her. But it was all beautiful, too, beautiful as she'd never realized ice could be. Everything here was as intricate as carved marble, as deft as a Renaissance sculpture, all abrupt edges and smooth curves. She wanted to touch them, run her hands over the walls, search for any tiny imperfection and hope there were none to be found. Some deep, timid part of her wanted this place as perfect as she'd once believed Elsa to be. There would be comfort there, she thought, though she did not know precisely why. Maybe it was simply evidence that Elsa might, in the end, still be all right. How could she create something so beautiful, so pristine and perfect, if she was not all right? Anna walked slowly towards the center of the enormous room, swiveling her head, trying to take it all in, awestruck. It reminded her of paintings she'd seen of cathedrals, grand and overwhelming in their splendor. She looked in wonder at the sweeping staircase; the enormous, multifaceted chandelier and the balcony below it; the frozen fountain, a perfect blue mimicry of the ones in the square back home in the city. The door behind her closed abruptly, loudly, and Anna started as she sound reverberated through the walls and shivered beneath her feet. She whirled towards it – just barely managing to keep her balance in the process – but there was no one there, just as there had been on one to open it. And there were still no handles – on a door that opened inwards. Kristoff might be able to push it from the other side, but she suspected it might not be that easy. She was trapped here, by - "Elsa?" She called her sister's name, feeling the fear that became her constant companion struggling to once more grab her full attention. "Elsa!" But though she continued to call, there was no response. She felt the beginning swells of irritation – because even after so many years, she had still allowed herself to believe Elsa would come when she called. The door had opened, though. Maybe it meant nothing. But no – she didn't believe that. Elsa had been cold and distant for a very long time, but never emotionally manipulative. She wouldn't do that – wouldn't allow the door to open if she didn't want Anna here. If Elsa didn't want the door to open, it wouldn't open. It never had. Anna walked tentatively, but she walked – Elsa was here somewhere. It was getting darker. She needed to find Elsa. She called her name again. And from somewhere above, hesitant and unsure, came the response: "Anna?" She looked up, startled – and there she was, at the top of that amazing staircase. She looked tired, but happy; she was smiling, eyes wide and soft. She was thinner, Anna noticed – that quickly. But that wasn't the greatest change in her sister: if the face had not been Elsa's, she would never have recognized her. Elsa's hair was loose, as Anna had rarely seen it since they were children; it fell in a long braid over her shoulder, twinkling with frost; her bangs were pushed back over her head in pale waves. And she was wearing a sheer, clinging blue dress, the same color as the walls – and, Anna realized with some disbelief, made of the same material, too. Elsa had encased herself in ice.

After the door slammed shut – making him jump – the mountaintop was silent. It felt ominous, though he knew that was ridiculous – there was nothing up this high, it should be quiet. Nonetheless, Kristoff could not entirely shake the feeling that something wasn't right. He went to the top of the stairs and looked down, but the only thing below was Sven, calmly awaiting their return. He squinted, but it was too dark to make out much beyond that. He sat at the top of the stairs, leaned on his knees and sighed. He was in good physical shape, and was nonetheless exhausted – he imagined Anna was about ready to drop, whether she would admit it or not. She was stubborn. And surprisingly resilient. He was impressed by her. A lot more than he'd imagined he would be. He wondered what was going on inside Queen Elsa's palace. At some point, if Anna didn't come out, he would go in – but it hadn't been long enough yet. He told himself to be patient. It was strange – patience was usually something that came very naturally to him. Maybe it was the stress of the last few days catching up with him. After he- He stood again, suddenly, leaning and peering into the gathering darkness. Something – some things – were coming up the mountain.

[anghraine]

So, my sister wanted to watch ANH, and I’m a noble and selfless big sister (:P) and agreed. It’s been ... at least a year? 

Impressions this time:

- ANH is really a magnificent film, just in terms of how everything comes together and how completely balanced the different elements are. It is what it is—a fancy Western-meets-Kurosawa fairy-tale space opera—and instead of trying to ~transcend~ its origins, it embraces them and goes for executing them at peak quality. Overwhelmingly it succeeds. I think that’s really its strength among the SW movies: it’s not the most ambitious, it’s not the most creative, it’s not the most inspiring, but it is the most cleanly, evenly executed, the one that succeeds most completely and unambiguously at the kind of thing it is.

- I definitely think the TFA=ANH thing is overblown. They’re very different movies with very different characters. The only exceptions are 1) the cantina and 2) the trench run. Speaking of which, the cantina scene remains spectacular. (And the trench run! My God.)

- Rogue One fits in REALLY WELL, while also feeling like an even more profoundly dissimilar film. But it really felt like it picked up right where RO left off. Like a lot of people, I was cackling at Leia’s sheer gall in her “???? HOW DARE” at Vader. Unfortunately, the near-seamlessness had me completely convinced that RO just happened and so I was like “wow, okay, Vader just took off after Leia and Jyn and Cassian just died WAIT WAIT ABORT MISSION DIDN’T HAPPEN BYYYYE”

- I thought the criticisms of RO!Tarkin were overblown (tbh I tended to think that a lot of them tended to forget how uncanny valley Tarkin is to begin with), and that’s also only more cemented. He seemed absolutely like the same person. I also don’t think I noticed before how ... bored? he seems with a lot of it. Like, Vader thinks the Death Star is shit but is gung-ho about Doing Empire Things and Victory!!! while Tarkin tends to be more “eh.” Gets a kick out of puppy-kicking Tuesday, though.

- I know it’s been litigated to hell and back, but the SE additions are in nearly all cases very jarring. (OTOH, going back and updating the terrible 70s computer graphics would have been a very feasible choice!) Similarly, I know it’s stale and everything, but the suggested backstory does seem very different from what we get in the prequels; I kept finding myself mentally working to make it fit. 

- If it’s possible, I feel even more strongly than before about how wrongwrongwrong the soft, fluffy, sunshiny!Luke* thing is. Despite his streak of fatalism, he’s also almost invariably confident—sometimes to the point of braggadocio, but in most cases in fact correct. His goals are largely heroic, but he is far and away the most purely pragmatic of the main trio. He’s incredibly naive, but also resourceful; almost all the actual ideas for what to do come from him, and in most cases in a single moment. When Han snaps that “he’s the brains,” I don’t think he’s actually being sarcastic (though obviously he’s being annoyed). Luke is the idea guy, Han is the shooting things guy (which both find frustrating on occasion). Luke combines a streak of earnest gentleness with very frequent abrasiveness. He’s very much Leia’s brother.

(...on that level.)

- Han is incredibly brash and reckless! Sometimes hilariously so. I continue to love the scene where he runs from stormtroopers only to run into WAY MORE stormtroopers and just runs away screaming. He’s interesting because he’s not at all a comic relief character, but he does actually have a lot of it. I think it contributes to his lovability.

- Threepio and Artoo’s relationship remains the cutest, omg. And how did I forget Artoo’s built-in fire extinguisher??

- HELLO WALL-E

- LEIA LEIA LEIA LEIA

- There’s a gifset about how Leia is the only person unafraid of Vader, and I actually disagree. She quite plainly is afraid of him, IMO, quite naturally in the torture scene and then when she backs into him to get away from Tarkin. She just doesn’t let it govern her will or conduct even a little bit. <3

- I remain convinced that all probability is that Vader argued against the destruction of Alderaan, though not for any heroic reasons. I also remain creeped-out by Tarkin’s behaviour towards Leia accompanied by his genuine shock that she would lie to him. Vader is just “duh????” 

- I’ve also noticed it before, but it never ceases to amuse me: when Luke and Leia scream at Han about shooting in the compactor, they sound exactly the same. 

- Luke is the one who thinks to shoot out the cameras in the detention center.

- Obi-Wan’s lightsaber is the proper shade of blue, but Luke’s/Anakin’s has been left at greenish for some reason.

- ROBOT IS A CANON WORD

- I also think criticisms of the Obi-Wan/Vader duel are overblown. It’s a very different style, which seems odd, but ... looks like pretty normal fencing to me? A bit slower than Vader vs Luke in ESB, but that’s what you’d expect. I definitely got the feeling that Vader was drawing it out for maximum enjoyment, lol, but could have ended it at any moment.

- I love Threepio, but I find Chewie super irritating, sorry.

- Leia and Luke are so pretty!!!!

- Han’s snark about “female advice” remains as “well, fuck you, Han” as ever. I’m also not a huge fan of him going on about how he doesn’t care about the revolution or about her, considering that he knows perfectly well that she just saw her planet wiped out. How Jyn trying to survive is worse than this is just ?????

- Nevertheless, ANH Han is by and large my favourite Han. He’s genuinely charming, while his pseudo-devil-may-care is just ... aww, here’s your YOU TRIED star. Setting the implied incest aside, the back-and-forth with Luke about Leia is super cute. I also love the “no reward is worth this,” haha, along with “either I’m going to kill her or I’m starting to like her.”

- If I didn’t know better, I would definitely have thought Harrison and Carrie’s affair was during ESB, not ANH. The UST seems much less intense here (definitely present, but in a more lowkey, adorkable sort of way). 

- Luke and Leia both seem to feel this irrational, near-immediate bond. They tend to pair off and Leia flips out when he’s pulled underwater as much as Luke did when he realized she was scheduled for execution. Luke tends to back her when she’s pissed at Han or ignore it altogether. I also think it’s kind of ... sweet isn’t the word, exactly, but when Luke gives Leia the blaster to cover him while he gets his swinging cord out, he doesn’t seem to have the slightest doubt about her capabilities. And she doesn’t seem to doubt that he’ll be able to carry her with one arm across the BOTTOMLESS PIT OF DOOM. 

- That’s also there in the celebration scene; with Han there’s the UST with his wink + her I’M PUTTING ON MY PRINCESS FACE NOW, while with Luke he grins at her and she grins back, like they’re kids together. (Also, I think, a reason the twin retcon—while certainly awkward at points—works more than not. It's much more about this easy natural camaraderie they have than anything else. They’re bros before they were bros!)

- Leia actually isn’t certain if the plans will show a weakness or not, which suggests 1) she wasn’t told Jyn’s full testimony, or 2) she’s not at all sure about it either. 

- People generally seem to treat the Imperial Senate as a legit concern—not just Leia, but many of the Imperial officers, and Vader himself takes care to create a smokescreen to keep them from realizing what happened to Leia. The OT is not much for politics, but I suspect the abrupt dissolution of the Senate might have contributed to the expanded Rebellion of ESB and ROTJ.

- Even here, though, the Rebellion does seem very well-funded, and Han’s reward appears to be no problem at all. Also, everyone rides around on little carts.

- Luke totally knew Obi-Wan already and I am personally very doubtful that it took just a few hours or a day to get to Alderaan. Think: Leia supposedly caves about the Dantooine base right before Alderaan’s destruction (i.e., after Han&Co go into hyperspace). The Empire sends a contingent to Dantooine from Alderaan, who find and search the abandoned base, and send a report back. I definitely don’t think that’s something that in its entirety would be handled in a day. 

(I always get a sense with the OT—and RO—that we’re seeing snapshots of a wider story, with plenty going on in the empty spaces that’s just not critical, or which can be inferred from what we do see. Luke’s bit with the remote is clearly not his only interaction with Obi-Wan on the trip, say; it’s just a representative bit we see that coincides with the destruction of Alderaan. I think it’s part of the reason it’s compelling in a very fannish way, even though I have very very few issues with the series as-is; normally I get really fannish about things that are super compelling but have a lot of issues I feel the need to address. SW, though, manages to provide those spaces where I want to fill in the blanks, but as a form of storytelling rather than faultlines.)

- Aww, it’s for little children! also have you noticed that one of the charred skeletons at the homestead is contorted weirdly

- I love Carrie’s low voice

- the development of Artoo and Threepio’s relationship is not something I’ve really noticed before, but I was genuinely touched this time? They’re friends, clearly, but they start out at this snappish, intolerant place and Threepio gets increasingly more and more concerned and less selfish. He manages to look devastated when Luke shouts that Artoo is down and then when he offers his own gears and circuits for Artoo, it’s just... awwwww. (Also when they ask Luke if he wants a less beat-up droid and he’s NO WE’VE BONDED. Luke <3 <3)

- Alec Guinness, whatever his private feelings, does a really great job with Obi-Wan as this shrewd, tricky mentor with a deep sense of ambivalence. I think it’s part of the reason the retcon works so well; his behaviour seems entirely credible as someone who’s lying. I also think his :| at Han is pretty hilarious? He’s just seriously?? so much of the time.

- The whole deal with the parsecs was obviously meant to be stupid bragging from Han. There’s no need for an explanation; Obi-Wan and Luke’s faces are both like “...sure, bro.” 

- Even the damn summary of the title crawl on the back was like T_T

The Jedi Knights have been exterminated and the Empire rules the galaxy with an iron fist. A small group of Rebels have dared to fight back by stealing the secret plans to the Empire’s mightiest weapon, the Death Star battle station. The Emperor’s most trusted servant, Darth Vader, must find the plans and locate the hidden Rebel base. [etc]

*sob*

But, just incidentally, there is never the slightest indication given that the team of spies didn’t actually make it out of their mission or that there’s any particular tragedy around the first!!!! victory!!!!!!! They’re never explicitly pointed out, but there also isn’t any occasion for doing so; we don’t see anyone outside the purely military arm. No senators beyond Leia (who’s only there to bring the plans, and had originally intended to go to Alderaan anyway), no Mon Mothma, no operatives of any kind beyond soldiers, pilots, and commanders. It looks like they evacuated everyone else, so even if the Scarif mission had gone precisely according to plan and like 75% of them made it out, there’s no reason for them to show up in ANH anyway. But yeah, basically all we know is that the team that recovered the plans was a small and brave one affiliated with the Rebellion.

*feel free not to remind me that the sun is powerful and dangerous. this is a metaphor

[cathcacen]

Return To Sender

My penchant for naming drabbles after songs is gonna get the better of me one day XD

Ethan cleans up his baby sister’s apartment following her untimely “death” / Strahan clears some things up with his baby sister when she comes back from the dead.

They’d buried an empty casket.

It’s been two weeks since the funeral, and Ethan is exhausted. He can’t remember the last time he’d slept through the night; the house is empty and overly quiet, and everywhere he turns, he can hear mother sobbing. Father and Hans have long since returned to the front, and every once in a while, when he’s laying in bed wide awake in the early hours of the morning, he prays that they stay safe and alive.

He prays they don’t lose anyone else to the war.

His sister’s landlord calls him one day, and his heart crumbles when the man informs him, somewhat apologetically, that the rent for her apartment downtown is due. He’d known she’d maintained a rental an hour’s drive from her base to nest in while off duty, but hadn’t realised, in all his wildest dreams, that he’d be tasked with packing up her things.

He doesn’t know if he can handle it on his own, so he picks up his phone and punches in his brother’s speed-dial number.

Strahan sounds equally exhausted. “E? What is it? Is everything okay at home?”

“I need you to take a day off this week.” He tries to keep his voice calm and level.

“Do you need help with something?” Strahan’s voice tenses a little.

He swallows. “Rei’s landlord called about her things. Izzy offered to come with me, but… I don’t want to leave mother alone too long.”

She wasn’t taking it too well, neither. He’d already lost one baby sister – he wasn’t about to traumatise the other, too.

Strahan lets out a quiet, resigned sigh. “Does Thursday work for you?”

A couple days later, he’s standing in the lobby of the apartment complex, waiting on his brother. Anarei’s landlord had shown up some hours before, a short, stout old man with a grey moustache and a cane. He’d expressed his condolences for his sister’s unfortunate passing, and had handed him the keys to her apartment.

“Take your time, and leave the key with the receptionist when you’re done,” He’d said.

Strahan arrives in good time, and they head upstairs together. Their sister’s apartment is on the nineteenth floor, a small, but stylish one-bedroom with softly-curved silhouettes. Most of the plants on her balcony are still alive, if overgrown – she’d had an automatic watering system installed. According to the landlord, his sister had hired a maid who came in weekly, so the place is spotless.

It doesn’t feel like she’s gone.

He glances aside at Strahan, who simply shrugs a shoulder. They get to work taping up boxes and running through a list of belongings that had come with the house.

They start in the kitchen. Anarei wasn’t much of a cook, so he’d expected it to be an easy enough task. Strahan packs away her espresso machine while he checks the cabinets, and it isn’t until he’s dug out an assortment of pots, pans, dry ingredients, and spices that he realises she must’ve done some cooking after all. “Apparently your sister liked spiced tea,” He says. Strahan frowns at the sight of the individually-packaged teabags, quite clearly artisanal products, but says nothing.

In another drawer, standing stark among a deep grey sixteen-piece dining set, he finds two terracotta bowls and coffee mugs hand-painted with mandalas. He’s just mulling over them when Strahan hands him a box and a stack of newspapers. “When did your sister find time to visit India?”

“She could’ve gotten them from a flea market or something.” Strahan brushes back his hair, then rubs at one eye. He’s still remarkably put-together – or at least he looks it. His brother’s not one to show weakness. “What are we planning to do with these things? Donate them?”

“Honestly, I haven’t thought that far.” He crumples up some newspaper and gets to work padding the delicate cookware - he starts with a soft green tagine that reminds him of his sister’s eyes. “I was thinking we’d just store them in her room until we’re ready to sort them out.”

Strahan nods, then turns on his heels and strides towards the cloakroom by the front door. When he returns, his box is filled with an assortment of outerwear – a vibrant red coat catches his eye, and just under that, a heavy duty, fur-lined parka.

“Does it get this cold out here?” He frowns, feeling the thickness of the garment between his fingers. “And snowshoes, too?”

“It’s amazing, isn’t it, the amount of stuff people can accumulate over two years?” Strahan manages a weary smile.

Over the course of the next hour, they continue to uncover a seemingly random assortment of items. He finds spices neatly tucked away in a narrow pull-out drawer, bright and vibrantly coloured. A small jar of tiny, salt-packed peppers sit amidst them, innocent to the untrained eye, but suspicious insofar as his sister goes.

She’s not one for overly-spicy foods.

By the time they get to the bedroom, Ethan’s fully aware there’s a lot he doesn’t know about his sister’s life.

The wardrobe is filled with dresses. Some are the sort of thing one would expect a doctor to wear – slim silhouettes, clean cuts, and pencil skirts alongside dress slacks and blazers. But a good number of the hangers are laden down with sun-dresses and party frocks, flowing silk and tulle and beaded bodices. There are at least three full-length gowns – more suited to a night at the opera than for a doctor serving in the army. At the very end of the rack, pressed right up to the corner, he finds a heavily embroidered gold-and-grey saree.

“I don’t think your sister got those cups from a flea market,” He says. Strahan smiles wryly, and the realisation hits him with all the force of a full-speed train. “I spoke to her at least three times a week, and she never told me. You know what’s going on, don’t you?”

Strahan sighs. “She travelled, sometimes. On her days off, usually long weekends.” He reaches for the first hanger, gently draping the sequinned, silvery ball gown over his arm. “I surmised she was seeing someone, which would explain all of this.” He gestures to the wardrobe.

“This doesn’t look like the wardrobe of a sometimes traveler.” Ethan runs his hand through his hair. He’s exhausted, and the prospect of his sister’s nameless paramour is daunting. His breath hitches as a thought occurs to him. “She… wasn’t having an affair, was she? Why the secrecy?”

Strahan stares flatly at him. “You know her better than this, E. I don’t know why she wanted to keep it low-key, but maybe she just wasn’t ready to share. Or maybe he was an army man, in which case she’d have to endure a thousand lectures on it being unlawful. Either way, does it really matter at this point?”

He sits down on the bed. Strahan tugs several hangers from the rack and shoves them into his arms. He folds up the pantsuits and skirts, struggling against the wave of anger and frustration that bubbles just beneath the surface. He’s tired of not knowing. Classified information. They had to wait over a week before the army would officially confirm that she was gone, and then they had to wait to hear back about how and why they’d arrived at the conclusion.

He’s sick to death of it all.

He’s just rolling up a full-length dress with fitted sleeves when another thought occurs to him. “I don’t suppose we need to find this mysterious man to tell him his girlfriend is dead?”

Strahan shrugs. “If he has access to the news, he already knows. And anyway, we have no way of contacting him. We don’t even know for sure there’s a him.”

“I guess.”

The contents of her wardrobe take up three boxes. While Strahan finds room to stuff in a floppy hat and some colourful beachwear, he checks the drawers beside her bed. There are some books, sticky notes, and pens. He pauses at a thick black sketchbook - there are bits and pieces of leaf and twig sticking out between the pages. The edges of a peacock feather are just visible against the yellowing, hand-torn pages.

Strahan finally consents to sit down next to him, and they look through the pages together. It’s a diary of sorts, he thinks, but not the usual kind - there are new stamps from several different countries glued to the pages alongside leaves and flowers pressed flat. A bit of shaved bark. The needled leaf of a pine tree. Stalks of lavender and a couple of miniature snail shells, wrapped in plastic and carefully taped to a page. Crumpled banknotes lie strewn about, like bookmarks. Moroccan Dirhams. Indian Rupees. Swedish Krona.

He closes the book, then looks up at his brother. It feels invasive, almost, peeking through their sister’s memories like that. But it’s also comforting in its own way. It keeps her close.

“She lived well, huh?”

Strahan manages a slight smile.

They pack up the book, carefully wrapping it in paper before depositing it into one of the boxes. He donates the plants to the little old lady down the hallway and unhooks the watering system. Strahan helps the hired hands from the shipping company with the loading while he combs over the apartment one last time.

When he’s certain they’ve got everything, he closes and locks the door. Strahan is waiting for him downstairs. By now, the remains of their sister’s things will be headed for the airport, ready for shipping back home. He makes a mental note to hide them as soon as possible, for the benefit of the remaining Naveau women at home.

“Stay alive, won’t you?” He squeezes his brother’s shoulders.

Strahan nods. “I’ll give it my best.”

She’s alive.

It’s been two days since they’d gotten her out of the hellhole at Dzisna, and Anarei hasn’t said a word. Strahan sits with her in the hospital room when Father can’t - both he and uncle are caught up with the debriefing. He wishes Ethan were there - he’s not very good with the brain stuff, but it’s exactly what Anarei needs right now.

She’s all bundled up. Bathed, washed, and sedated, she looks almost at peace when she isn’t squirming into her pillow and fighting back the nightmares. She’s still crying for the Wound Man.

Sagen, she whispers.

Lieutenant Sagen. He recognises the name from the chart she’d sent him some years back. They’d joked about it. Back then, he was only a difficult patient with a smart mouth, who had apparently tried to recreate the Wound Man in person. I guess that’s why she had to keep it secret.

He’s glad it hasn’t happened in front of father, but he rehearses a lie for it anyway, just in case. It’s not his story to tell, especially if Anarei had gone through such pains to keep it a secret.

Even so, he has a sneaking suspicion the Lieutenant isn’t all he seems on the surface. For one, the wounds had been extensive - clearly the product of torture, which made no sense for a mere Lieutenant. And for another, no mere Lieutenant would’ve received top-notch VIP treatment the way this one had.

Ten minutes into his visit, she wakes with a scream, and he has to stand and hold down her shoulders to stop her from thrashing about. She meets his eyes, hers wide and wet with tears, and he tells her to breathe.

“Do you want to eat?” He sits back down once she’s calmed herself. The effects of her sedation should be wearing off soon enough, so he gauges her reaction to see if another dose of diazepam is necessary.

She swallows, shaking her head. “Water.” Her voice is hoarse.

He waits until she’s drunk her fill before he speaks again. “I’ll be about, so let me know if you get hungry, okay?”

“How long did I sleep?” She shuts her eyes, and her fingers twitch where they rest over her abdomen. The bandages hide the wound on her left wrist.

“Only about two days. We’re running tests right now. Gonna need to run some more over the next couple of months, standard procedures.” He shuffles closer, relieved that she doesn’t flinch away. “You caught an infection, but we’ve dosed you with antibiotics, so the immediate prognosis looks good.”

“RNA testing?” She swallows, then slowly opens her eyes, frowning a little. “Too soon, right?”

“One step at a time. We’ll get to that next week. Stop doctoring yourself; that’s my job.” He reaches out, and, encountering no resistance, lays his hand atop of her head. Someone has washed her hair, and it’s messy, but clean. It’s longer. “Mother, Izzy, and Ethan are flying out tomorrow night. You’ll need to stay a while.”

She grunts in response.

They sit in silence for some time. He’d thought she would go back to sleep, but every few minutes, her eyes glaze over, and she winces. Her knuckles go pale scrunching up her gown.

“Hey.” He leans closer to get her attention. “Rei. You’re safe now.”

The words sound hollow, somehow. Meaningless.

She lets him hold her hand.

“Tell me what I missed.” The words are softly-spoken, almost desperate. Distract me, Hans. “How are things at home?”

“Izzy graduated top of her class. Apparently she’s driven by grief.” He smiles a little, giving her hand a light squeeze. “Ethan’s study with Doctor Starke is kicking off nicely. No problem getting funding there. Your old colleagues are also doing well. I’ve been getting texts from Fischer and Hayes all day - they want to know how you are.”

That brings a smile to Anarei’s face, however small. “How do they have your number, anyway?”

He bites his lip. “We, uh. We met at your funeral.”

She blinks gently at him, and he readies himself for a meltdown, or for some kind of response involving terror and violence.

Instead, she laughs - a genuine, if small one, even as tears fill her eyes. He lets out a breath, relieved, and squeezes her hand again. “Ethan’s dealing with that right now, amending the civil records now that you’ve come back from the dead.” A thought occurs to him, and he leans forward, pressing his elbows onto her bed. “We had to clean out your apartment.”

She sniffles, turning her face into her pillow to wipe off some of the tears. “Oh.” The slight furrowing of her brow tells him she’s aware she’s been found out. “You didn’t throw out my coffee machine, did you?”

He quirks a small smile. “No, but Ethan thinks you’re having an affair with a rich old dude. Your shiny dresses are back home. We were going to donate them, and then… we couldn’t.”

“Thanks.” She turns away from him, staring glumly ahead. Her hand goes limp in his grasp, and her frown deepens a little.

“Is there anyone we need to inform?” He tries for gentleness. “Or is there... someone in particular you want to see?”

“No.” Her voice comes out smaller than before, quiet, but resolute.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Do you want us to donate your things?”

She seems to consider this. Moments later, she shakes her head. “No.”

“Do you want anything from there? I can get Ethan to bring it.” The book of leaves and mementos comes to mind. He lowers his voice. “Don’t worry. As far as our family is concerned, you took a few short trips on your own.”

She stares at him for a while, and he looks her in the eyes, studying her face and her sunken jaw. Months spent underground have turned her skin pale. The scars stand out all the more prominently. When she finally nods, he lets out a breath, then straightens and leans back.

“Have we heard from my superiors yet?”

He glances back towards her. It’s obvious she’s had enough. Enough of the hiding, and of the secrets, the war, and the fighting.

He doesn’t blame her.

“They’ve requested your presence at the Capital in three weeks’ time for a hearing. Besides that, no one’s mentioned your return to active duty.”

She shuts her eyes. The relief flooding her face cannot be any more palpable. She stops shaking. “I need your help.”

“Of course.”