#i cried my eyes out AGAIN

[hamratdead]

finished kiwami 2 and now i am absolutely miserable

[yukinohoshikuzu]

I just have to write about Furuba again 😩

I started season 3 and I can’t believe that the story still keeps pealing and pealing more and more layers I swear I am soooo overwhelmed with emotions at this point I just want to hug all the zodiac members and even Akito 😅 yeah, there I said it, even her, although I’m still far from liking or forgiving her…

I’m crying so much it’s embarrassing please tell me i’m not to only loser to do soooo 😩

[jkriordanverse]

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[daemon-in-my-head]

I'm not over it, but really, Durgetash is just a story about loss and loneliness.

These two people have lost literally everything, their homes, their families (if they even had one to begin with), their freedom, they even lost their own godforsaken personhood. They were stripped of absolutely everything. They were reduced to less than nothing.

And then they turned around and found each other, somehow, by a twisted blessing of the fates they got to start building a home, reclaiming their personhood, working hard on gaining that freedom. Gortash literally welcomes Durge back home. It's not welcome back. It's specifically welcome back home. They made themselves a new home. Perhaps the first one they ever had.

And then they had everything ripped away from them yet again. Every last bit they worked so hard on crushed and crumbled to nothing with no way to fix it ever again. Because the loss had been so great, there was no way for recovery. No way to repair their little, frail shack they called home. And that loss must've been far more painful, because now, at least one of them, still knew what it was like to have a home. And yet it was taken away from them once again.

But despite that I still think about what would've happened if Durge had woken up with their memories intact. If they had taken on that journey knowing fully well who they were and what was on the line. I wonder if that time could've changed them or if they would've just ran back home, utterly blinded. Because yes it was shit back there. Yes they were doing unspeakable things and forced to do unspeakable things. But at least they had a home. They had someone. At least they weren't alone after decades of having nothing. After years of being so alone they found belonging and companionship in a literal murder cult. I wonder if they would've just hurried back because getting to save yourself is great, but perhaps just getting home a day earlier would be even greater.

Did not mean to post that post from earlier so I actually had to go wade thru my fucking drafts. This is hell.

[junnieverse]

I would just like to give all ot6 briize a warm FUCK YOU and the same goes to SM.

I can’t even begin to explain how hurt I am from the moment I saw Seunghan’s official statement that he would be leaving RIIZE.

You all know what he did wasn’t even a crime and yet SM enables k-briize to so easily control this group and the members like they’re not even human beings. Global fans deserve as much of a say as Korean briize and the fact that they drove Seunghan out of the group despite the members warmly welcoming him back and wanting him, they still claim to “want the best for RIIZE” when all they have wanted was to be reunited as a group of 7 again.

This is just straight up bullying and these so called “briize” don’t even have Riize’s best intentions at heart, this was all just selfish and manipulative because they didn’t like Seunghan. I hope you guys are happy because you’ve destroyed a young man’s dream and possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to him as well.

We love you so much Seunghan, I’m so sorry your company couldn’t even so much as try to protect you and you had to be treated this way, you deserve so much more support and love and I hope you know thousands of us do and always will.

RIIZE is and always will be 7 <3

< petition for seunghan >

[kaeruutv]

MY ARTIST ASS THE SECOND FOUNDERS CUT COMES OUT

watch the speedpaint over on my youtube - https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ozSuzIrUyZA

[a-compass-without-a-needle]

Gotta love when you can tell that a character has absolutely been through/witnessed a form of The Horrors when the metaphorical light leaves their eyes.

[mordeawearybone]

Pro tip: if you want to beat honor mode, play a Githyanki because this girl carried me through it so easily

[tianhai03]

been wanting to draw luis for a while now

(no context re4r spoilers under the cut)

i just really wanted to draw this if im being honest.

[boxwinebaddie]

uncle neen!!! welcome back omg i was so sad to see u disappear </3 hyh !!! i had a question i asked last time but i was wondering since ur rewriting ur fics, are u planning on posting them on tumblr? or on ao3? pls be kind to urself too<33

good MORNING, lovie!!!!~ <3 c':

( or whatever time it is, where you are at the moment! )

i'm very excited to announce that you are my very FIRST new ask message on my brand new blog!

( teri is my first follower; ly ter. <33 o//3//o )

***long overdue UN ramble-bramble under the cut. xx

i /do/ miss my six hundred bajillion ask memes and am mourning the loss of all my online creations and great joys as a deranged southpark fanfiction author and the legacy i built with my tiny, gay weird hands

( i will go into it another time, but i had a very, very frightening bipolar episode surrounding my blog and my role on here as a writer, friend and mentor to you all, deleted all my things in a horrible panic, was able to recover them...but in the -- what i hope is the *very last* -- after shock of my episode...i got very scared, very sad and deleted both my dearly treasured and beloved, beautifully cult followed by many of you and other ghosts of sp style fanatics past ao3 account**

**( with peppermint on it at 13k likes which...oh my god, please be gentle with me, that was a very, very hard blow and rough realization for me and i am sorry to everyone who loved that fanfiction and wanted to go back and read it for posperity and personal comfort...i miss her too; rest in peace, pep, my first born. my sweet girl. </3 )

...and most tragically of all, i deleted my tumblr blog, with over one hundred pages of carefully curated content surrounding my sp aus, your lovely, insightful and thoughtful questions and inquiries, also typed with your tiny, weird gay hands answered, in turn, with mine, torched the ev. of those memories in the final blast and lost my window into your world through that medium...

...which is literally heartbreaking to me, because more than even my silly fanfictions or my blog, what i loved to do, was talk to all of you and read your wonderful messages each day and remind myself of why i should be here and continue to do what i do. </333 :'''c

BUT! my darlings, as ravenstan would say, 'it's always darkest before crimson dawn', for the very first time in several weeks ( which, i fear, and i was, full of fear and horrible self loathing/dread every waking and nightmarish moment ), last night, i cried for a very, very, very, long time, held myself together in the broken places -- told myself and the girl i was that i loved her and i was going to take care of us and be brave -- and broke the fever ( a little off key like jersey kyle, but very lovely nonetheless; love you tone deaf king. x my sboyf. )

today, i woke up this morning and slept...PEACEFULLY and woke up PERFECTLY HAPPY AND RESTED...

AND SMILED. QUITE. WIDE!!!!~ :D

and that is a baby step, but it is a step in the right direction and also almost wanted to make me weep like a baby again because i literally have not felt happy or like i do not hate myself for like, i shit you not, over like 15-20 days...it was frightening and fucking horrible! SLAY!

nevertheless ( or the most, finally ) i am excited to welcome in a new era/year of change on my blog and within myself; which is an era of peppermint flavored 'hope i'm healing' in a delicious rem(ember) font.

unfortunately, because i nuked my ao3 account, i do not currently one atm, but am in the process of recovering it.

( i'm not condoning any kind of rude/uncivilized behavior bc people are allowed to do anything they want -- but i'd really like to get my user back and would appreciate it a lot if no one used it to create another ao3 account just because it would be confusing for my readers and disheartening to me to not be boxwinebaddie anymore. )

until then, i will be writing/drafting rem(ember) in my messy google docs, am storyboarding everything to the best of my ability ( which is not perfect, but nothing is -- except stan and kyle to each other -- but god loves a trier, which is why he hates me: i prefer hell where it's drier -- that way my girlfail guylinea will not run. xx )

KALE SEITAN! ;)

posting little snippets of it on here for all of you, probably put it here on my tumblr and post it up to ao3 if i can regain my account/one in general ( i am a little worried that because of how long it's been, the loss of all my followers and, what i assume, is a decreased public or tiktok generated interest in sp, it will do poorly; rip </3 )

-- but the point is...that i want to start doing stuff for myself now. and not because i think i should or create unnecessary stress/sadness surrounding my strength or weakness as a writer or person ( or like, beat the living shit out of myself every single day anymore )...

...so i am writing it slowly, carefully, synthesizing all the info i gathered from over a year of answering your questions ( which helped me develop my sp au styles and their worlds into the lovely, seemingly breathing paper machslayed things they are now ), am going to write the fanfiction i always/wanted/ to write ( i’ve always wanted to rewrite RM, but was so busy and overwhelmed with my blog/my irl stuff that i couldn't )

and i'm calling it...

<3

p.s. ( i love you ): i am going to give my grandmother a copy of the first chapter of peppermint for christmas because i wanted to do something special/sentimental for her and secretly push the gay middle school style agenda ( she is actually very woke and thought my uncle might be gay for a while when he was younger, haha xx ), but i want to give them different names, so that on the off chance it gets passed off to my mom, my dad or manages to travel by world of mouth ( my grandma has a tendency to gab, but i love her a lot ) that it can't specifically be traced back to my dead ao3 or my blog.

so if any one has any ideas for silly interesting names i could give my sons, names for other characters or south park in gen. hit me up! <33

thank you for your interest in my work -- and in me, in general. i love you all dearly, i hope you heal ( i know you will ) and smile, pendejos because got a lot coming up on that crimson dawn and a lot of crazy shit coming down on that *jersey i won't say i'm in luh megara vc*

~SCHARLET sLUt~

cheers! mazel! ;) xx

-uncle nina, in her healing era <3

[herotune]

in fair faerûn where we lay our scene.......

im a little late heading into wyll week and im so sad but here's an illustration for day 3: modern au!!!!

wyll gives me theater kid vibes and i think modern au wyll would Absolutely be an actor. and i think he'd be incredible in shakespeare adaptations and historical dramas... so i Had to redraw one of my favorite shots from baz luhrmann's romeo + juliet with him. a modern au in a modern au...its perfect 🎭

[theirloveisgross]

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[hunsa-jars]

The kg teacher I worked with for less than a week basically just called me neurodivergent (obviously didn't say exactly that but everything she said to describe the whole experience was um.. mhm) and called my personality "unique"

Stop perceiving me, jesus christ on a boat

[nenelysian]

Just watched "I Saw The TV Glow" in cinemas and boy did I get chest kicked all the way back to my derealisation episodes when I was like 6 years old.

[zemnarihah]

pretty sure i have a kidney infection but i think everything is gonna be okay

[turkey-sandwich]

It still hurts, okay.