#i could actually write this
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Imagine...
You were once Dutch's ex and he didn't pay attention to you. He loved you but didn't show it well as he was too busy prioritizing the gang. So you leave without him knowing and run into Colm O'Driscoll.
Dutch doesn't know you've become Colm's little spy until a few years later when you save Colm from a hanging and Dutch is surprised to find the rope shot and you there...
#i could actually write this#i kinda want to#i just might#fanfiction writer#fanfiction#fanfic writing#fanfic blog#fanfic#creative writing#dutch van der linde#dutch van der linde x reader#rdr2 dutch#dutch#dutch van der linde imagine#red dead redemption#red dead redemption 2#rdr#rdr 2#rdr fandom#rdr fanfiction#rdr imagine#van der linde gang#imagines
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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sources: ophelia, act IV, scene V // traci brimhall, dear eros // unknown // suzanne scanlone, promising young women // destiny, fieldplates gauntlets // camille rankine, emergency management // fatima aamer bilal, being unwanted is a language // unknown
#the burden of being known#i miss when i could let people know me without feeling shame#the loneliness of growing up#web weaving#grief#web writing#poetry#web weave#word weaving#words words words#spilled words#spilled poetry#actually bpd#bpd#depressing shit
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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The whole genetics project of the Bene Gesserit may have been dubbed a failure because Paul wasn't a girl but there was nothing stopping Paul and Feyd-Ruatha acting on that sexual tension they had in both book and film.
Paul could have taken Feyd as a third Consort. Just imagine Paul with his Empress Irulan and his wife Chani sitting at his side and Feyd just sprawled on the dais steps just wearing something scandalous like
You were right Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam, wasted potential.
#I mean Paul could have taken Feyd as a third consort#The Imperial Quad#Irulan could write Chani could be Paul's actual spouse#Feyd could just lounge around Arrakeen or Kaitan just looking pretty and doing whatever he wanted#Feyd would get jealous of course#dune#paul atreides#dune 2021#dune memes#dune messiah#frank herbert#children of dune#chapterhouse: dune#duncan idaho#god emperor of dune#feyd rautha#paul x feyd rautha#feyd rautha harkonnen#house harkonnen#house atriedes#house corrino#frank herbert's dune#reverend mother mohaim#Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam#Bene Gesserit#dune part two#dune part ii#Dune 2
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Now that you're gone
#*guy who just spent a full month selling 60 pages worth of comics voice* i should write another comic#this is part 1 of 2 btw. i have another one scripted from aryll's pov LOL#anyway. the concept for this has been in my head for like. years. finally decided to actually write it tho lol#the thought of his family after the initial calamity strike makes me crazy. they lost him. but he was already gone.#he was gone the moment he picked up that sword. could they have stopped it? should they have?#would things have ended any differently if they'd tried? or would it only have been worse for him?#ANYWAY. hi everyone new black and white zelda comic from the black and white zelda comic guy#skribbles#botw#loz#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#totk#tears of the kingdom#OH SHIT. TRIGGER WARNINGS#tw gore#tw suicide#tw suicidal ideation#<sorry 4 forgetting at first LMAO
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My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.
[id in alt text]
#legend of zelda#loz#twilight princess#loz tp#i'm still reeling that someone sent me an ask about this one.. that they took the time to find my tumblr and tell me they liked it#it really meant a lot; thank you to anyone that stops to leave comments like that. they make me happy#but yeah! here's the usual symbolism ramble:#i thought it'd be cool to have the 'spirits' flowing one way and the cats walking through them the other way#to kinda show the difference in life inhabiting the village in the past and present#link's face is covered because impaz was just waiting for 'the hero' so his clothes are what matters; not his face#and it (hopefully) gives a surreal and intangible sense to 'the hero' she could only hope would actually show up#you can feel free to interpret the glowy blue sheikah as ghosts or just as memories of the past! i couldn't decide either way#the one on the bottom left is oot impa since she's implied to be the village founder. so i guess she would be a ghost actually?#fan art#my art#project stuff#and ahhh the book-- everyone's stuff is so beautiful!!#especially the writing. some of the fics made me really tear up and some were so fun and clever. i really love them#a lot of them captured the sheer burden of the role of the sheikah; all of the time and grief and doubt#i know i always say this stuff about every project but. the people i get to work with in these are truly so skilled every time
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That was long. Keeping this short. Not sure about this one. Thank you to @/runecatwrites for this [Click] analysis post as it was pretty helpful for the Wild and Wars dialogue (though I think the analysis is better).
#this is very long sorry! but it has to be presented this way.#linked universe#lu wild#lu warriors#lu hyrule#lu legend#comic#sorry if you don't like this one writing simultaneous and interacting plots is very hard! Even though they only impact#one another three times#it got a little weird actually haha anime eyes are very had to draw actually! Especially for me as I never really draw actual eyeballs#also if you've never played zelda 2 you really do not know just how much falling you do in the game.#like we all know of the fact that hyrule walks through walls but he also will just fall through the floor??#dropping from high heights is nothing new for him (and honestly you could make the argument that he doesn't take fall damage lol even when#considering legend and the other 2d boys)
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Posted to Twitter for the first time in 5 years /silly DSFGNFGB So here’s my atttempt at a more finished piece, inspired by Doc’s newest episode :D
Actually recorded a short timelapse for this one too, so that’s below the cut :D
#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#docm77 fanart#docm77#docm#hermitcraft season 10#hermitcraft s10#mcyt#mcyt fanart#hermitblr#art escapades#no clue if there’s a real chance that he could choose it for a thumbnail but I wanted to try my hand at it anyways :D#been a while since I’ve set out to do a quick polished piece and I’m really really happy with it :DD#THE WAY I STARTED COLORING HIM WITH FLESHTONE ETGJSFGBKDGGBJ ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I’VE DRAWN ACTUAL HERMITCRAFT DOC#THE TIMELAPSE IS SO FUNNY#IGNORE THE STUPID NOTES I WAS WRITING TO THE DISCORD CALL EHGSGKBD I WAS MUTED AT THE COFFEE SHOP AND COULDN’T TALK TO MY FRIENDS#WHILE I WAS SHARING MY SCREEN WITH THEM ETJGSFGDFHN#Stupid little bug mannerisms /aff @myself
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He watches him like a ghost
#or like a mother bird#i could write essays on merlins devotion to arthur i fear#but i'm too tired to form any comprehensible thought tonight except holding up a picture of them and crying#the tragedy of bbc merlin strikes yet again#Merlin devotion borders on obsessive if we think too hard#actually no it IS obsessive who are we kidding#which is why i think i really enjoy dark! merthur Au's#by s5 he was not far from reaching that point#but oOH the way they care for each other#merlin#bbc merlin#merthur#merthur fanart#merlin fanart#merlin art#merthur art#bbc merlin fanart#ps. shoutout if you recognise the reference used for this pose!#sketch#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon
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cw: spoilers for sylus' beyond cloudfall myth
you don't know just how cruel you are. don’t understand the gravity of the ruin you’ve inflicted upon him. because of you, love is something devastating for sylus.
maybe it was naive to once wish for you to stay by his side until the end of time… but how could he have known just what it would entail?
he saw you in his dreams down in the abyss, visions of gentle touches and a melody that would come to haunt him through lifetimes.
heartless beast, you've tormented him before he even met you. then cursed him before he left. never to die unless it be by your hand, never to be free from you.
wicked creature, hiding behind the facade of an angel. shining like an evening star in the haze of his mind when he slowly lost himself.
beloved sorceress, his undoing. the one who wanted his eye but clawed out his still beating heart instead.
it’s horrible, painfully laughable, that you can look at him without the weight of the past. without the knowledge of what you are to him. of what he is to you.
your dragon.
your sylus.
don’t you remember that you’re the one who gave him that name?
#lnds#love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#l&ds sylus#l&ds sylus x reader#sylus#sylus x reader#sylus angst#lads sylus#lads sylus x reader#sylus qin#qin che#i was supposed to write something filthy about dragon sylus yet here we are *sigh*#i may be a smut girlie but i am an angst fan first and foremost#as an insane person i actually think sylus' myth could have been sadder so here i am doing so
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speaking of bubbline and lottienat…
#lottienat#lottie matthews#natalie scatorccio#yellowjackets#bubbline#adventure time#i could write an essay about how tethered they are actually
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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qPhilza perching on people because bird
qFit: Mans is built like a brick shithouse—he can totally balance Phil’s additional weight. The first attempt is a bit shaky, sure, but nowadays Phil swoops down or hops up onto Fit’s shoulder and all Fit really has to do is jut out his elbow to give his friend a little more space for his talons to work with. Bam, he’s perched. Works out about 9.9 times out of 10, though Phil delights in trying to catch him off guard.
qEtoiles: He doesn’t have Fit’s bulk on his side, so he’s not as sturdy, but he is strong. The landing is usually a little rough since Etoiles has to work a bit harder to counterbalance the additional weight, but he always finds that center of gravity in no time flat. Phil usually perches with one talon on each of Etoiles’ shoulders since he’s not as w i d e, just so Phil can have a little extra grip. At some point, Etoiles tries fighting a mob while Phil is perched on him, and that goes exactly as well as you would expect.
qForever: Honestly, with all of the hard labor Forever does for his big builds, Phil was expecting him to do better, but the first (several) attempts end up with Forever stumbling over and knocking Phil off of him from his wild arm-pinwheeling. They eventually figure out it’s more doable if Forever himself has something to lean on (a wall, a chair, the butt of his pickaxe) and Phil puts one talon evenly spaced on each shoulder. Phil learns some new swears in Portuguese in the process.
qMissa: Flattened. Full-on face in the floor, mouth full of grass, wind knocked out of his lungs at Mach 5 the first time Phil tries. Phil apologizes profusely, but Missa—once he can breathe again—just rolls over onto his back and asks Phil if they can give it another try. It takes a long, LONG time, but they figure out that if Phil plants his talons on Missa’s shoulder pads and leans forward while Missa leans back, they have a small little window of time where they achieve balance. The best part? Phil gets a perfect view of Missa’s goofy little grin every single time.
#q!philza#idk what possessed me to write this i just think it’s funny#bird man perching on his friends/loved ones is so special to me actually#if you’re wondering how any of them could take the weight of a full grown man uhhhhhh bird bones. they hollow. yeah.#dont mind me im just rambling#qsmp philza#codebreakers#codebreaker duo#anarchy duo#sugar duo#death duo#pissa#(<-implied)#my writing
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actually I also wanna talk about the part where Percy convinces Bob to kill Hyperion because even though Percy never says anything outright sinister, the way he handles the entire situation with such cool ease, playing on Bob’s emotions... its so insane???
Because Annabeth’s reaction to the three of them encountering Hyperion reforming is: “oh this is bad we need to get out of here” She knows if Bob remembers himself, that it's not going to play out well for Percy and her. She also thinks about how they're being pursued and don't have a lot of time. Her solution to the problem, seemingly, is to leave.
But Percy's solution is to work the situation to his advantage. He re-affirms Bob's loyalty to him:
Percy then re-establishes Bob's moral code: "Some monsters are good. Some are bad. This Titan is bad. He tried to kill me and a lot of people. He's not good like you are."
And it ends with Percy leaving the choice of whatever to do with Hyperion to Bob but of course, is it really what Bob chose to do? Bob decides to kill Hyperion. It's not what he may have done, if Percy hadn't intervened. But it's exactly what Percy was oh-so-sweetly leading Bob to do.
And listen, I'm not claiming that it was exactly morally bankrupt of Percy to take advantage of a once-evil titan who could get him and his girlfriend through hell in one piece. Percy, Annabeth, they manipulate monsters and enemies all the time. Annabeth ended the previous book with manipulating Arachne into weaving her own web. So it's not exactly like she's against using manipulative tactics, in theory.
But Bob, at this point, is not just some monster. He is so painfully sincere in his belief in Percy and their friendship, so yes, it does feel a bit sinister whenever Percy uses Bob... and he really uses Bob.
And I think what makes the scene so unsettling, it isn't just that Percy manipulated Bob, its how well Percy manipulated him. He manipulates Bob so well that Percy doesn't even have to kill Hyperion... because Bob does it for him. He manipulates Bob so well, that Annabeth couldn't tell if Percy was purposefully trying to manipulate the situation. (Newsflash, he most definitely was). Like holy shit.
#percy: friends kill for friends <3#ITS CHILLING#Riordan allowed Percy to be unhinged for ONE book in hoo and then got to boo and went#/um actually writing the realistic outcome of Percy's turmoil in Tartarus sounds like a lot of work so how bout I dont :)/#okay wait while I love this scene in hoh the one part I dont like was Annabeth being like: I had no clue Percy could be so cunning#and like girl YES YOU DO#you were there in BOOK 1 when Percy convinced Crusty to lay down in his OWN bed and then decapitated him#I choose to believe she was simply afraid unsettled and in denial lmaoooo#pjo#percy jackson#annabeth chase#mine
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Everyday I exist and every day I get more and more exhausted seeing the “lol Batman looks at Danny and goes “who’s gonna adopt this kid” He’s so adoptable!” posts.
#bones rants#bones speaks#dpxdc#bones writes in the tags#i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again#GIVE AN ACTUAL REASON FOR BRUCE TO WANT TO ADOPT DANNY!#this man had seen thousands of black hair and blue eyed kids in misfortunate situations and with backstories parallel to his own#so why is Danny the exemption and is the person he puts under his (bat)wing#make a reason and make it compelling. I understand forwarding a plotline to get to the scene you envisioned#but making a character one dimensional ain’t it man.#always ask why Danny is the exemption to the other thousands of kids who could’ve gone under Bruce’s wing. Bruce is a very paranoid person#and doesn’t bring people into his inner circle easily. offering a complete stranger a room in his home could happen#maybe he then relates to Danny and wants to help him with his need for Justice#and THEN adopts him but man oh man. look at all of the robins adoptions.#that shit wasn’t willy nilly and it had actual weight behind the adoptions
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