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belphieslilcow · 2 years ago

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If it’s not a problem with you can we please get some headcaons on how the obey me brothers get off when we’re not there to help?

The fact I wrote this over the span of over a month... sorry for the wait but I finally got it done!!

🔞 Needing Your Own Hand

Lucifer

Lucifer tends to edge himself a lot, not purposely to make his orgasms more intense, but because he thinks he's above touching himself until it all builds up.

It becomes worse when you're in a relationship and you don't have sex for a bit, he gets so used to consistent pleasure that he becomes desperate for your touch.

He'll be doing his paperwork at his desk in his secret office, a cursed record softly playing, and a glass of demonus nearby... but he can't focus when all he can think about is you.

How your hand would feel stroking him and praising him for the good work he's been doing lately and that he deserves this. However of course since you're not there right now, he removes one of his gloves and leans back in his chair, he doesn't have lube in his office, so he slowly teases his tip until precum starts to leak out.

Demons can't resist temptation and as he jacks himself off imagining how great you'd feel, he speeds up his stokes and bites his lip as he cums over his hand with a deep moan.

Mammon

Mammon's pretty normal when jacking off, position wise at least. He does it in his bed most of the time, he gets pretty horny frequently too, so he has a few sex toys he likes to use, guy is greedy of course so he wants ALL the pleasure he can get.

He starts off stripping down and getting comfy while laying down, he probably already has a boner so he starts stroking it right away. He likes to fantasize when you aren't around and while they change depending on what he's in the mood for, he always gets so desperate and needy by the end.

If you're cool with it, he is 100 percent down to take nudes and/or videos to send to you. Though he'd love some special ones back for his eyes only in return. He moans get very loud and whiny and usually goes for multiple rounds until he's tired out, or til he's having dry orgasms from all the cum he's milked from himself.

Levi

You know a cute lil degenerate otaku like him masturbates pretty frequently. He's pretty quick and dirty with it usually, just rubbing one out at his desk and cumming into a tissue (funny that tissues are one of his liked items, hm?) with some hentai dating sim on.

Though he does have his moments where he needs more, and that's where his sex toy collection comes into play!! He's totally the type to have fantasy ones too, you know the dragon dildos and fleshlights? He doesn't have a *huge* collection, but a few of each type depending on what he's feeling that particular day.

He's also not shy about using his tail when his hands are busy, he'll have both hands on a controller and his tail wrapped around his cock, pumping him for all he's worth. He maaay also use it during facetime calls with you to secretly jack off just underneath his desk or behind his laptop.

Satan

you know what, I think satans a bit of a closet perv

he's got some absolutely filthy erotica novels tucked away on his shelves for when he needs a bit more than his fantasies to help him out

he also maaay just have a hidden pair of cat ears and a buttplug tail for when he's feeling subby, he'll put them on/in alone is he's especially needy and misses you

I wouldn't think he'd jack off too too much honestly, maybe just below average?

Asmo

oh you know mr. avatar of lust jacks off a ton

I feel like he rubs one out at least in the morning when he wakes up and before he goes to bed, starting and ending the day in a good mood, yknow.

and wowie wow is he versatile, he's got toys galore to help him out when his hands and fingers aren't enough to satisfy

he's another one who is more than down to share nudes or vids, mutual masturbation with his love on a call might not be the same as having you there with him, but he hopes you two can make up for it big time when you're back in the house~

Beel

Beel jacks off more than you'd think, he's got a ton of testosterone flowing through him after all. He just does it in the shower. Even if he's alone in his room he still feels weird about jacking off in there since he shares it, so the shower is perfect for him. He can have his privacy and even better, he doesn't have to clean up afterwards.

He's pretty normal with it, putting his back against the cool tile and letting the water rush over him as he strokes himself. He tries to go slow and savor the feeling at first, but he can't help speeding up, letting his heavy balls smack against his thighs. If he's feeling particularly adventurous that day, he might even bring one hand up to his big chest and give nis nipples some love.

Belphie

Not too surprising, Belphie's very lazy when it comes to masturbation. He doesn't tend to tease or draw it out longer than he needs to, unless he's insanely horny or with you, he just does it to get it over with.

However... he does tend to accidentally edge himself a lot. He'll be in bed, pillow between his legs and poor guy will fall asleep halfway through, which leads to him having a sexy dream and waking up horny again, so on and so forth.

Speaking of pillow humping, that's one of his favorites, he doesn't even have to take off his pants. When he does take the time to touch his cock, he can be kinda fast with it, not savoring the pleasure too much. He just the type of guy to both want to share moments like this with his beloved, and also get his annoying boner out of the way.

Any sex toys he has are gifts from Asmo or you, vibrators are his favorite since he doesn't have to do anything other than turn it on. Though maybe there's been a time or two where he's had a vibe pressed against his prostate at a low rumble and fell asleep like that, woke up to quite the mess.

#obey me #obey me smut #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me x reader

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breakingsanity-aruani · 2 months ago

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What if AruAni confessed EARLY!???

This is assuming that Armin and Annie realized their feelings for the other early on (which personally, I believe they did, but didn't say anything.) AND also confessed during their later cadet days... Of course, they had been talking and interacting for months prior. This was something I thought up randomly a few hours ago and I had to write it down, SO HERE HOPE YOU LIKE!!

Armin would be the one to initially confess his feelings, and it would be after everyone had dinner for the night. Anxiously, he would ask Annie to wait a moment as she was heading to the girl's barracks, stammering his words... but Annie found it adorable, and let him collect his thoughts. Once everyone else is gone, he confesses.

Annie is SHOCKED. Her heart beats so fast that it makes her dizzy, her cheeks are as brightly lit as Armin's own. The boy expects to be turned down, but Annie is quick to reveal her feelings back... and the two merely stare at each other, unable to process. Eren would suddenly call out to Armin, asking him what the hold up is... the two blondies silently turn away and rush back to their barracks.

That following morning, Armin and Annie shy away from each other... that is... until Shadis makes them sparring partners. Annie is ready to collapse, this is all wrong! She wasn't meant to fall in love! Yet, when she looks into Armin's dark blue eyes... all she can ask is why? Their sparring session begins, and Annie easily knocks Armin down on his backside, and she gets on top of him and asks why again. Armin can't reply with words, so... he plants his lips to her own... and the two are mesmerized instantly.

Everyone SEES this and training halts, watching these two now embraced...

I believe this would change a lot in the story, along with Annie's goals:

There would be obvious tension between Annie, and Reiner/Bertolt. She would be constantly reminded by her past and how she aided in breaking down the walls years ago. In the end though, Annie will side with Armin over them... but subtly.

Eren and Mikasa would be taken aback by Armin finding a love interest in Annie, but they would be SO supportive of him, Eren even being jealous, heh. Mikasa would input how she noticed both of them getting closer and closer over the span of months... she didn't expect this kind of development. (She will soon be asking Armin for confession advice, xD)

Annie would debate telling Armin her ultimate secret, but she fears what his response will be... he developed feelings for the "false" her. The person she wishes she could be, that she has fooled herself into thinking she could become... but she's still a monster.

When the Trost arc begins, Annie refuses to let Armin out of her sight, demanding she stay by his side. So, she teams up with Armin and Eren's squad. Her reason is that Reiner and Berolt can handle themselves, having placed top of their class. (She also calls Eren an idiot as another excuse for her to go, which Eren is annoyed by but appreciates the help. Mikasa still tries to team up as well, but it plays out similarly to how canon does.)

As a result of Annie being there, while Thomas is still eaten, Annie manages to prevent Eren's injury by being more levelheaded. Thus, the rest of the squad survive. Mina thanks Annie, and Armin tries not to blush too hard (he fails, and blushes a lot.)

UUUHH, that's all I have so far T_T SORRY- THIS WAS JUST A RANDOM THOUGHT!! My brainrot came fast and I HAD to write it down... so maybe I will give more input on this possible scenario if anyone is curious? I get so many ideas with AruAni aaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

#aruani #armin arlert #annie leonhart #aot #aruani fic #possible fic idea???#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #I brainrot a lot I can't help it

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mariacallous · 4 months ago

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In Hollywood, the present is the future is the past.

Twin strikes shut down production for six months last year, and with its workforce still on ice, the entertainment industry has been slow to recover. Domestic box-office revenue is expected to be 30 percent lower this year compared to 2019. By 2028, cable TV subscriptions are expected to decline by 10 million. And with the looming acquisition of Paramount Global by Skydance Media, the future of Hollywood is as it ever was: reliably uncertain. As one studio executive described it to the Los Angeles Times, it’s “something of an existential question mark.”

Of course, this isn’t Hollywood’s first—or second or third, for that matter—financial reckoning. “When we look closely at history, we realize that all the negotiations we have to make about character, about financing, about representation and all these things have been asked before,” says Maya Cade. “Ego tells us that we must be the first, but why would we want that to be true?”

This, in part, was Cade’s mission when she launched Black Film Archive in 2021. At a “moment when people were demanding the full totality of our lives to be represented in media,” she says, “they felt as if Black film could not hold the capacity for Blackness.” Cade knew better. So she got to work and built what is now the most exhaustive online database of Black cinema titles, spanning diverse, obscure, and well-known films.

A former audience development strategist at the Criterion Collection, she tells me people were missing a larger context to the issues at hand. The archive, which celebrated its third anniversary this August, features more than 300 films released between 1898 to 1999, with each title available to stream online. What Cade has accomplished is both rare and essential: She has indexed a century's worth of Black moviemaking and made it free to access.

Anxious to learn more, I reached out to Cade to help make sense of what’s happening in Hollywood. Over the phone from Los Angeles, where she recently relocated, Cade and I talked about the fate of the entertainment business, the grave implications of the Internet Archive lawsuit, and how we can better preserve history on an internet that likes to forget.

Jason Parham: Is it true that the idea for Black Film Archive sprang from a conversation on Twitter?

Maya Cade: I was on Twitter in June 2020, and I saw a lot of people talking about how racist or dramatic Black films are as a way to dismiss them. So instead of shaming people for that opinion, in my mind I was like, OK, how do I make an offering for people to discuss that belief, to contrast that belief, and also move us past it. I don't want to dismiss the truth because it's harsh. And I know there are many ways to get to the truth. I also don’t want to dismiss people who feel that way. But I want to offer another lens of how they're seeing it. Because when we talk about Black films as only being traumatic, we're reducing the art form in a very minuscule kind of way. This idea of like, “Oh, all these films are about slavery. All of these films are about trauma porn.”

Which, of course, isn’t true.

I did the calculations of how many films are about slavery—and they were quite few across time. But I understand that at the same time, what does it mean when a white decisionmaker wants to see Black people in a specific way? They have the power of how we're told in media. I also understand that film becomes the dominant narrative of how history is told. So there are multiple truths to contend with. But I think we're better prepared to contend with those things when we have a full look of what Black film’s history can offer.

The Internet Archive recently lost an appeal, which could have major ramifications to how we access information. Resources like Black Film Archive and the Wayback Machine are also part of this conversation. This is a bit of an abstract question, but how do we better hold on?

One goal of the early internet was to democratize knowledge. Whether everyone agreed with that is a different point. And the Internet Archive is one of the only things from the early internet to still exist in its same way. Wikipedia, too. These two things are constantly under attack, because to share knowledge freely means that someone wants to come in and control the free flow of knowledge. They want to profit from that.

In so many ways greed has become a default response to various public resources.

With that being known, what do we do? The world has been upended. The only truth that we know is in books. On the internet, AI has turned knowledge upside down. AI leaves out the essence of truth. For example, through summary, it assumes who you are and what you want to know quickly about something, which isn't the same as a human would do it. That process can remove layers of truth at a very basic level. With that being the foundation of the internet of the future, the Internet Archive is essential. In the last 10 years, we have moved away from the internet as a service to the internet of things. An internet as service—it was a destination. It was a place that you could freely roam, explore, and use as a guide.

Is there a way back to that?

If we want places on the internet that aren't run by AI, where knowledge is freely shared, where we can explore as we desire, then we must invest our time, our coins, we must advocate and protect as much as we possibly can. There’s so much on the internet that would crumble if the Internet Archive or Wikipedia falls. That's a threat to many people because, ultimately, when you control the flow of knowledge, you control everything.

The consequences would be extraordinary.

It's almost as if the basic concept of the library would be a pie-in-the-sky idea today, because someone would ask, well, how could I make money from that? When Black Film Archive launched, many people wanted to profit off of it. Many people asked to sponsor it. The thing is, once you create something that becomes a front line of culture, the question isn’t “How do I help sustain you?” The question is “How do I own you?” I said no because I’m firm in Black Film Archive being free.

On the subject of money and ownership: Earlier this year, following the cancellation of several Black TV shows, you wrote, “Studios and streamers no longer care about loyalty or enduring legacy.” Why does Hollywood, in 2024, still have such a difficult time aligning its legacy with its business?

Well, here's the thing, the legacy business, they feel as if that work is behind them.

But isn’t that what Hollywood is built on?

Yes, but to create new legacy and new inroads, to them, that is less important than extracting every possible dollar from existing IP. It’s more “expensive,” quote-unquote, to create something than it is to rest on existing laurels. The beginning of the end of this, to me, was when Warner Brothers and UPN merged into The CW. Now, 20 years later, the CW is a shell of itself. In mergers, you're no longer competing with someone to make the best content. With the merger of Warner Brothers and Discovery, they own, what, one-fourth of TV? That competition era of television—it's over.

Which has a direct impact on the creative side.

The legacy-driven model only happens now in vanity. So a lot of stars are using their own distribution or first-look deals to produce things. And these are the majority of people who are allowed to create. So what does Hollywood mean when the only people who are given freedom are people who have already done the taxing work—if they have at all—to become stars? Hollywood is not in the business of guarantee. Everything must be proven before it's even created.

And if that’s the case, so many people get left out.

And if everything must be proven before it's even created, then Blackness never had a chance. It doesn't have a chance. The fight for nostalgia as currency comes in a moment where some of the highest rated things are non-white. That's not an accident. It’s as if television, media, and filmmaking are becoming manifest destiny in the wrong ways. And there's nothing sadder.

Perhaps we need better frameworks.

People have upended industries to chase Netflix. And no one has caught up. Everything has fallen in this chase. What’s happening now is, people are only duplicating the best and the most watched. There is no diversity in how things are being delivered.

You once described “post-2020 Black media as akin to a modern day blaxploitation boom.” It got me thinking about platforms like Tubi and AllBlk, which are sometimes mocked as being a kind of streaming ghetto, but those same streamers have also given opportunities to young creators.

Blaxploitation, as I was saying, makes way for Spike Lee, it makes way for the '80s independent Black movement that, of course, shapes everything we know about modern Black film and modern Black media. At every valley, there is a peak. It’s the nature of life. So what do I think is ahead? We should be thinking about independent models that have existed before our current era. There are many ways to make media. With pilot season essentially dying, as the studios have announced, what are some ways that Black creators can forge together to make what they desire?

I mean, I don't know if I have the answers, but I do have the curiosity. And oftentimes curiosity and care—and leading with them—can transform how we understand history and the future.

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niuniente · 10 months ago

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I have multiple favorite characters. They're all equally beloved. I don't get to choose which one of them is on the spotlight - they come and go on their own.

Because of this, I have assigned a personal meaning to each character: this character means have more fun; this character means that keep your eyes on the price; this character means a time of transition; this character asks to rest more. Always works!

A month ago, Dragunov from Tekken appeared on the spotlight (this didn't happen with Tekken 7 so we can't blame the new Tekken being out).

Now, the first time he was on a spotlight was 15 years ago. I was in a horrible place back then. There was a legal mess which, if the shit hit the fan, would ruin the rest of my life. Literally. I wouldn't be able to get a rental apartment, make any new contracts like electricity, phone, internet, buy anything with monthly payments, get subscription services, I would lose part of my income. I was THIS CLOSE to lose it all and the worst thing was that there was nothing I could. I hadn't caused the mess but I had no way out of it either. I even went to a lawyer to ask for a legal help but he couldn't help.

I feared for my life and future, hoping it would turn out OK. What kept me sane was playing Tekken 6. I played it hours every day and always as Dragunov. I even did my art school final thesis of fan culture and Dragunov (I had much fun with a Russian fan who drew really pretty pics of Dragunov and gave me an access to her screencapture collection of Tekken 6 for my thesis)

Then, one day I figured what was Dragunov's assigned meaning; you will survive. No matter what the odds, even if it was the 3rd world war, you will survive and come out alive without any harm.

That's exactly what happened. Took 2 more years but I got out alive, unharmed. It was horrible time. I'm glad it's over.

So, when Dragunov NOW suddenly appeared on the spotlight after 15 years, my initial thought was "WHAT WHAT, WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS??? WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ODDS ARE HORRIBLE BUT I'LL SURVIVE????! "

Two weeks later, in a span of a week, without any prior warnings:

I got laid off because the company bankruptcy and fell on a social welfare

this happened while the current right-wing government made big cuts to social welfare and housing benefits (so I don't know if I can keep my current home)

while at the same time prices keep getting higher due to inflation

The IUD for anemia treatment came out on its own

Because of that I'm without any help to my iron anemia and the only solution will be hysterectomy in my case; doctors aren't giving those easily (even when needed)

I lost my workplace healthcare which would have been the easiest and the best way to get to hysterectomy

the sudden removal of IUD is causing me horrible withdrawal symptoms

my Japanese friend told me that she's unable to come to Finland this year and has to postpone her trip till 2025 :(((

(which also means I won't get my favorite cigarettes I smoke for fancy treats a few times a year because I can only get it from Japan - ordering tobacco online is illegal here)

noticed that wasps had made a nest to my balcony (that's being taken care off)

couldn't attend a free(!) ice-cream tasting for a feedback and for a free 15€ gift card because of the IUD withdrawal symptoms

found out that trains aren't operating normally and my home station is under construction and causes some issues

So yeah. He wasn't lying. It's been so bad that the first thing this morning when waking up was to take stomach medicine and have a smoke. And I'm not a smoker.

Horrible times are up ahead but I trust that I'll survive out of this phase just like I did 15 year ago.

(:::з」∠)

#sergei gimme strength to get through all this bullshit #niu's life

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feverdreamjohnny · 1 year ago

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Orbo's Odyssey - Post Mortem

My Feelings About The Game

It's an odd thing to try and pull together your thoughts about something so chaotic.

I guess it'd be easier to just catalogue how my emotions evolved as the project went on, and then wrap it up by trying to pull apart how I feel now, as arcane as that is.

I've been a part of a private developer community for a bit now, and during a majority of my time there I felt sort of like a fish out of water. I guess it was just weird seeing people at the top of their craft while my work sort of paled in comparison. A majority of them had a background in developing character action games or platformers with intricate movement systems, and that was absolutely outside the range of what I understood.

Late 2022 I decided to try and make a movement system with a really strong focus on momentum so I could feel "at home" with the other devs. So I made a small tech demo where most of Orbo's moveset was formed.

In the end it didn't really make me feel more confident in my work, but at least I proved to myself that I could tackle unfamiliar waters and make headway. Regardless, I left the tech demo where it was and continued to work on Nowhere, MI for the next few months.

I made a lot of progress on Nowhere, and around late November a publisher reached out to me to offer help. I was desperate, after all. I didn't have a lot of money to my name and this was the kind of lifeline I needed to secure so I could finish the game.

To cut a long story short, they kept delaying talks about the game over and over and it became increasingly clear to me that my dream of being funded wasn't going to happen.

I was sort of in a bad spot now. It was early 2023 at this point, and I was going to have to make a tough decision: delay Nowhere and get a retail job to make money (potentially losing sight of the project in the process), or find some other solution to secure funding. No other publishers were going to pick me up (and I really didn't trust a majority of them so I only had my sights set on a handful I felt I could trust), so I came to a new conclusion:

What if I just made something short, say in the span of a month or two, and sell it? Surely that would be easy.

Surely.

The Game

In March of 2023, I began working on the game. I wasn't sure what sort of format I wanted for the game at first, and I had initially considered a rogue-like arena combat game where you'd use the game's momentum mechanics to fight enemies, collect upgrades to improve your abilities, rinse and repeat.

The idea ended up feeling sort of strange when I began pre-production, so I ended up scrapping it.

I thought about the movement system some more and realized that it had a strange kinship to a game I had played just a month earlier: Super Kiwi 64.

Then I thought about Siactro's other games, how they were similarly small-scope platformers that seemed to perform well on Steam and Switch, and I realized that if there was something that would suit my own development style (focused around exploration and secrets), it was a 3D platformer.

The first month was fairly strong. I moved at lightning-speed, hammering systems into the game piece by piece. Collectables were done. Time trials (and their records) were done. Movement had been refined further and felt better than in the initial tech demo. There was also a lot of underlying structuring that I won't get into because it's boring (but important).

About a week in I even started working with my friend Tim (who's a professional environment artist), and we began working together on the hub environment (we brainstormed the layout, I designed the greybox, and he wrapped it up with the environment art).

It was going great, but as March was nearing its end I began to realize what I was dealing with.

"Oh, well yeah I mean I knew it wasn't going to be possible in a month! I'm sure if I grit my teeth it'll be done by the end of April!"

So April came along. Tim and I finished the hub area, I got the world portals set up, and eventually we moved to the first level of the game, Shlarp City.

Tim managed to get a decent chunk of the decorative props done, but circumstances were changing and he had a fulltime job in the industry to attend to, so he had to leave the project.

I reasoned "well, I sort of know how to do environment art and I guess I can just go on without help."

Shlarp's greybox was done, and I was sort of happy about the layout. Some friends playtested the game and liked the movement, so I felt a bit more optimistic about the project.

Despite the boost in optimism, I was starting to feel some kind of dread leaking in. My nights were becoming more frantic and troubled, more than they already had been.

I moved onto the next level, reasoning that it'd be best to get the greyboxes for all of the levels finished first, then return for an art pass afterwards. It was the sensible thing to do, after all.

So I began work on Dunbarrow Mines, and this time I was alone. I finished the greybox, and while I wasn't a huge fan of the level, at least it was done. I moved onto Sleepytime Manor and similarly got the greybox finished. Even since the beginning of the month, something was starting to grow inside of me. April was coming to a close, and I still had another level to greybox, a boss fight, secret areas to add, and an art pass on the entire thing. I hadn't really developed much of a game at that point, just 3 barren levels.

And so May came along.

And this was where it all went to hell.

I had been suffering from a lot of issues in my personal life for a while. The year prior had been particularly traumatic and the waves coming from it weren't done passing over yet. If anything the terror was that the major event from the last year hadn't even finished coming to fruition. The stress from everything had caused me to develop a disorder that made my blood acidic, melting away at my nerves. I fought hard and managed to improve my health, but the damage was done and the occasional return of the neuropathy was just a reminder that my life was spiraling downward.

I entered a period of intense stress and depression as waves of terrible memories came over me. I became neurotic. Started having trouble designing levels. It was already an issue for me, but as my mental state deteriorated I was hitting brick walls over and over.

I had my back against the wall. Game development was my only purpose in life, after all. I had been built for it, sacrificed so many hours to it, put everything else aside for it. The only thought going through my head was that I was dying, and that this stupid game was going to be my graveyard.

So roughly two months came by, with sparing work on the game. I finished Monolith station, but it had to be redesigned 3 times to reach the version you currently see in the game today.

The neurosis made me insane. Constantly seeing my peers succeeding while I flailed desperately in a pit was definitely not helping matters.

But something changed in June.

The Garden

I always had an on-and-off again relationship with plants. I had a sort of preternatural skill with growing things, but my interest waxed and waned a lot. The main thing that stuck through this on-and-off relationship were herbs, since they were easy to cultivate and they needed very little maintenance during the periods where I was losing interest.

As I began to take game development more seriously around halfway into 2021, I stopped gardening entirely.

But something very strange happened in the June of 2023. I was frantically compelled to return to it. I raked, toiled and weeded until I had a plot. Then I started buying seeds and began cultivating vegetables again for the first time in 2 years.

And for the first time in this nightmare I was finally happy about something. I don't know what compelled me to start cultivating plants again, but whatever it was, it rescued me from a very long, dark road.

After 2 weeks, I finally finished the final boss of Orbo's Odyssey.

The game needed a lot more work, but I was finally getting a foothold after months of misery.

Eventually my friend Ben was able to help me with the project, and we made a lot of headway. We brainstormed new ideas for how the player could get gear parts. He modeled a load of props. I scripted a load of systems. Finally, the game actually began to look like a game.

Ben was really important. He was optimistic about the project and wasn't suffering from burnout the way I did, and he helped me get out of my fugue. I can't thank him enough for his help.

After around half a year of hammering, we finished the game.

3 weeks after that, we released it to steam.

And about 2 weeks after the release, we're here now.

The Takeaway

Typically in post-mortems you talk about what you would've done differently, but I think this ending might be a bit different.

I'm not really proud of the level design. I think I also could've done better with my share of the environment art in some levels. I think there could've been more details. I think there could've been more content.

But there's no use kicking myself for what could've been. Of course the next game will be better. The mental state I was in during the development of this game was dire and it had a major impact on the quality of my work. I had to break out of a really bad mindset and try to find a better way of engaging with my life. That wasn't easy.

I think some gamers like to imagine that something that's fun to play was fun to make. It's true that sometimes there are moments where you get excited during game development, but at the end of the day the majority of it is just pure work and toil.

In the end, the reviews on Orbo were very kind. Even the negative reviews were at bare minimum sorta funny.

Hilariously the reviews that bothered me the most were actually positive. The perspective of these reviews was that the game was really the story of some little kid taking his thumb out of his mouth and naively making something he thought was fun. It mainly felt like a way for the reviewers to excuse the weaker elements of the game.

These are the reviews I hate the most. I don't care that they were positive. They're infantilizing. It makes it come across as though the shoddier elements of the game weren't a product of a person having a mental breakdown, but of a child smacking blocks together and making mistakes because he didn't know better.

If you really view art like that, I want you to lean in very closely and listen: Most of the time, people suffered to make something you could enjoy. You're welcome to praise or shun the art by itself, but don't patronize the creator for their effort. I didn't have fun making Orbo. I hated it. And even though I hated it I still tried to put passion into it, because I care about my work.

Anyway I'm glad it's over with. If I attempted to develop the game now it would probably be significantly better, but that's mostly because I've found better methods of managing my mental health.

I have to get back to work on Nowhere, and eventually I have to work on Peeb Adventures. For now, though, I'm taking a break. I'm tired.

Before I go I just want to thank some people.

Thank you Ben for being supportive and helping me make this game happen. I couldn't have done it without you, and I mean it.

Thank you Socpens and Grayfruit for streaming the game and for your kind words. It really means a lot to me, and it gave me a lot more confidence about Orbo's Odyssey post-release.

Thank you Tim for helping early on. I know it was a brief period between us, but I do appreciate the work you did.

Thank you (in no particular order) Bryce, Simone, Jett, Aaron, Quinn, Drew, Ian, and Cosme for being supportive of my work.

Thank you for the folks in the private dev server who were particularly supportive as well.

Thanks for reading.

#orbosodyssey

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dawnfelagund · 2 years ago

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This Week in Fandom, from a Small Site Owner's Perspective

This past week has offered an interesting example of synchronicity in fandom history. On 5 May, a comment on the Silmarillion Writers' Guild Discord about "AI fanart" prompted the mods to collectively make a uncomfortable noise like, "ummmm ..." and swiftly open discussion on whether AI-generated "fanworks" were actually fanworks. (We decided no.) The next day, 6 May, the OTW Signal highlighted the interview with legal chair Betsy Rosenblatt, where she expressed excitement for inclusion of fanworks in AI training and pissed off a bunch of fans. By this point, I'd mostly written the SWG's AI policy but was giving my comods the weekend for further research and discussion on the issue before turning the document over to them for comments and edits.

As a small archive owner, it is interesting to undergo this process, first with my comods and now with SWG members, at the same time as the OTW/AO3 is wrestling through theirs. Yesterday, my afternoon was spent researching and implementing, with the help of my co-admin Russandol, strategies to block as much AI scraping of the SWG as we can. In the aftermath of that work, I wrote this post about a small archive owner's perspective on the issue and how it has unfolded on the SWG vs. AO3.

Then, in a second instance of synchronicity, while I was writing this post, AO3 was clarifying their stance on AI. First, as a PSA to anyone reading this, AO3 does block AI scrapers and has since December 2022 (though I'll be petty and note that it doesn't seem that they've gone as far as the SWG in the tools they're using, at least based on this post). But AI-generated "fanworks" are allowed: "If fans are using AI to generate fanworks, then our current position is that this is also a type of work that is within our mandate to preserve." This is what I predicted in my [synchronous] post, and I was right.

Two big points emerge from my consideration so far of this issue and how it has been handled on a small site (mine) and AO3:

People want/need AO3 to be something it's not because there aren't any other options for the vast majority of fans. (Tolkien fans, you do have options. Not a lot, but trust that there are people in other fandoms wishing they had even the few small independent archives that we do.) OTW/AO3 need to take a principled stand that all fanworks deserve to be preserved. And fans often want spaces where all of the fanworks that ideal encompasses (like AI-generated ...) aren't included. Both are legitimate! But when AO3 is the only option for most fans, they turn their energy to trying to change a foundational value of the one option they do have, and that's fruitless and frustrating and contribute to the comments along the lines of "no one will listen or care."

Big organizations are big, and changing or responding to anything is like trying to port-round the Titanic: It's going to be slow and cumbersome and possibly involve catastrophic collisions with icebergs despite best intentions. In eight days, the SWG went from never having discussed AI formally to having a draft policy in front of members for comment and implementation of AI bot blocking. In the same span of time, OTW managed to rouse themselves to an apology that has been widely perceived as half-assed, and AO3 managed to inform people, after a week of worry, that they've been blocking most AI scrapers for months. This isn't a criticism of those organizations (really!) but an acknowledgement of the difference between big organizations and small ones and an argument for diverse options for archiving fanworks because both options have advantages to offer.

As I said above, I wrote much more about this here.

Of course, what should be done? The options are what they are, right? Right now, yes, mostly. That's the sad place where we've ended up, but we can reverse course. There was a time when many fandoms had dozens or even hundreds of options for archiving fanworks. Those small sites, archives, and communities died due to a variety of factors: closure of the platforms on which they were built (e.g., Geocities and Yahoo! Groups), low to no traffic (due to everyone reading and posting exclusively on AO3), and deteriorating software (e.g., eFiction ... and again at least partly due to low demand, again because everyone thought AO3 would be everything they ever needed).

However, there is hope that more options will become available (or already have).

Neocities is a resurrection of Geocities for personal homepages.

Bobaboard "lets you create moderated, privacy-oriented communities for all your fandom interests."

Dreamwidth is still around, fandom-positive, and underused.

eFiction is being rebuilt, ideally with the ability to host a site through their servers, much as you can build a Wordpress site without downloading Wordpress onto your own webspace.

Fandom Coders is a resource for educating fans who want to learn the skills to build and run website.

I'm working on a tutorial for how to build a fanworks archive in Drupal, the software we use on the SWG. I have the whole thing outlined and will be recording it this summer. Watch this space.

So what can you do?

If fanworks are hosted somewhere other than AO3: post there, read there, comment there, interact there, link there. I cannot overstate how vital this is for small sites.

Make sure your fanworks are archived someplace other than AO3 (like Dreamwidth), even if you're not getting clicks, comments, and interaction there ... yet.

Nearly all of the options for independent sites that I linked above accept donations toward their projects. eFiction is one where I know progress has stagnated due to a lack of funding.

So this turned into another tirade/plea for small sites, but it really is unfair to OTW/AO3 to ask them to be something they were never intended to be, and it's also unfair to fans that they don't have a place to put there work that they feel reflects their needs, wishes, and values.

#fandom archives #fandom and ai

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lilenui · 9 months ago

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A question, if I may be so bold: what is it you like about Shino and Yamagi, as characters and as a pairing?

You've been in the fandom much longer than me and I'm curious what resonated with you about that relationship in particular, in the first place. (The curiosity is possibly motivated by having spent so long picking apart my own obsession with the show, I turn to wondering about others' enjoyment of it as a change of pace!)

Ohhh. I don't think I can answer these questions without giving a bit of backstory, so! I started watching the show on 16th of December 2015, around the time the first cour was finishing airing, just before the two-week winter break. I binged the first 13 episodes and the rest - as it aired. And even on that first watch, there were three pivotal scenes which made such strong impression on me I distinctly remember myself watching them, I remember my reaction.

The first scene was Shino pulling Yamagi out of the Mobile Worker during the first encounter with the Turbines (but of course). Essays could be written on that moment alone. It's just such a well crafted sequence, rising orchestral music perfectly timed with their clasping hands and Yamagi's reaction, his little gasp and a hand Shino grasped held to his heart. It definitaley raised an eyebrow, but most importantly, it set the tone for what Shino and Yamagi's narrative came to be: a collection of small, personal and intimate moments weaved into the grander narrative, very effectively showcasing personal stakes for the people involved in the fight. Of course everyone in Tekkadan has their own personal stakes, but what elevates Shino and Yamagi for me is how palpable was Yamagi's yearning, like his whole world depended on Shino's survival.

The second scene was Shino mourning his comrades after the Brewers fight. This scene floored me, it was as if a whole new emotional dimension to his character was torn open before me, and sucked me in immediately. I was instantly invested in this character. Murata's fantastic voice acting had a lot to do with that as well. Shino was cute before, if a bit loud, but all these new depths and layers!! Funeral Rites as a whole was a double whammy to me, stellar episode from beginning to end. And to top it off, it ends on Shino seeking Yamagi out to thank him. This is my third key moment, it solidified to me that whatever it is between Shino and Yamagi, is real and undeniably there. Yet another private scene loaded with tension and subtext. The dissonance between what the characters are feeling and what they're saying also added a whole different, poignant layer to the dynamic. Shino just a few minutes ago demonstrated he is a character of some considerable heft, but now he's also showing how considerate he is, that he values and acknowledges any act of kindness he's awarded and it's directed at Yamagi personally! In private! He made it so, so easy to become invested on Yamagi's behalf. I became obsessed within a span of few days, and from then on, my pathological attachment to them was being forged through months and months of pain and fearful anticipation.

Didn't help that it's such a smartly written relationship, nuanced, subtle. I think the fact that they are not the main characters helped a lot in this case. It doesn't beat you over the head with overly dramatic gestures, the strength of that relationship lays in how normal and relatable it is. It's just two boys, one has a crush, the other is oblivious, but not hopelessly so. I really wanted this for Yamagi, and I wanted the sunny boy to survive, I wanted them to defeat the odds. I was always aware all the necessary components for an effective tragedy were already there, but I dared to hope! Paradoxically, the more obvious the looming tragedy, the more I deluded myself it can be avoided because it's too obvious. Needless to say I got burned so badly I don't think I'll ever hope for anything ever again. I'm still hurting. I still think it was a colossal waste of a beautifully established queer romance. It could've been historic. Making fanworks for them is how I cope, and I think I'm going to be coping for a long while yet.

Apart from all the above, their interactions are just so great! They're filled with warmth, but also some bite. Yamagi is head over heels in love with Shino but he's not oblivious to his faults, he gives banter and push back. Sometimes he forces Shino to confront realities he'd rather avoid. They are a good match because their contrasting personalities are not so much at odds with each other but rather they compliment one another. And it's by design because, just like Mika and Orga, the two were designed around each other since the beginning. Shino is the Sun, Yamagi is the Moon. Much like Shino needs (and enjoys) Yamagi to discipline him at times and bring some sense into him, Yamagi needs Shino's energy to push himself beyond his self imposed limitations. The CD drama showcases this aspect really well, imo. I love that Yamagi's presence forces Shino to go a couple levels of intensity lower, so he can meet Yamagi where he's at, and that's where we see the real tenderness in Shino come out. Also because their scenes often just happen to involve physical contact of some sort, that in itself generates a lot of great chemistry. Now, most of that comes from Shino just being the guy with no sense of personal space, but it's also more opportunity to show how different is the touch he has for Yamagi and the other guys. Because Yamagi is not just "one of the guys" and never has been. I guess in Shino's mind Yamagi has his own category. He's so protective of him, and looks at him with such fondness. It's his own, patented "looking at the one I want to protect" type of smile. It's such a mutually uplifting relationship. I'll die on the hill that Yamagi triggered the resolution to Shino's character conflict, he is responsible for Shino's growth just like Shino is responsible for Yamagi's.

They're a solid unit and a great team, much like in personal life, their skills and capabilities compliment one another. I could go for an entire season of just this dynamic. I love me some back-to back buddies and I prefer the dynamic to be equal. Most my previous ships were that, though admittedly this is more of a Shino and Eugene's thing. "The one who waits, and the one who goes into action" is more of a traditional heteronormative ship dynamic, but I still love it because of how good Yamagi is at wrecking Shino's posturing. Yamagi demands to be Shino's equal, and he is. It's pretty much solidified between us that Shino is destined to be dragged by the dick by his sarky twink and honestly, more power to him.

When it comes to the characters themselves, looking back at my other anime blorbos, it's undeniable I have a type(s). Feels like I tend to gravitate toward either the sanguine or the sardonic, and nothing in between. Shino and Yamagi embody these traits to a T, albeit and in a more subdued fashion and maybe that contributes to me being so into them. Although they also carry unique emotional vulnerability that effectively breaks the trope. Shino is this larger than life, louder than life, unreasonable, bombastic man, but he is also the one with deep rooted insecurity and feelings of his own disposability. Yamagi is the stoic, sarcastic, sophisticated man in the making, yet he is the one with the all encompassing, melancholic infatuation. I adore Yamagi's entire character as a concept. He had my heart in a vice. I don't know how anybody can not feel for him. I think I've already said a lot about why Yamagi is so special to me above. He's this strong, uncompromising, loving soul trapped in a fragile body. Completely out of place for his surroundings but still capable enough to make himself indispensible. I honestly think he's cool! We cannot forget he drove a freaking train, jumped out of a moving vehicle, and climbed a mobile suit! It's like he can go from vulnerable to takes-no-piss attitude in a second. Like he's very cute and all, but he's also a bit of a bully. There is no extravagance in his looks and mannerisms (beside his fabulous hairstyle) and it's very refreshing to see in a gay anime character.

As for Shino, in general he seems like a character created with a lot of love. I think all in all, he's one of the most well crafted, multifaceted characters in the entire cast. I love all his little quirks and eccentricities. His free and unabashed expressions of emotion. The way the good and wholesome aspects of his personalty contrast with the reality of who he is, a trained soldier willing to kill for his cause. He's the character who shows this contrast within Tekkadan really well because of how vividly his jovial personality clashes with his circumstances, I think. I love juxtapositions like that within characters and Shino has those in spades. Most notably, the self-sacrificial undercurrent which manifetsts outwardly as him willing to take the protective role, no matter the cost. His lust for life and utter devotion to his family combined with the casual acceptance of his mortality give me chills. Or the mask of a horny goofball covering the more reflective bits of his nature. I like that he seems to be incapable of guile. Like he's so genuine and so utterly lost whenever he's witnessing the gang's scheming sessions. He's great with children, he's free of prejudice, he's a great caretaker and a rock solid support for his mates. And if I'm being honest, I was not at all surprised when he was revealed as bi, like maybe it's feeding into the stereotype, but I've personally always saw enough flamboyancy there for that to be a possibility. I think this doesn't just serve his romantc plotline, it also informs his character more broadly, in that his capacity for love is virtually endless. I just wish he was let out of the closet more openly and allowed to live his truth. Goddamn he deserved better.

Also he's just hot!! Excuse me, but how is Shino not the hottest guy in IBO? Like I realise he's not intended for the audience to be necessarily perceived as that, McGillis and Gaelio are obviously the intended heartthrobs, but it's no coincidence Shino demolished "most desirable" ranking within the small queer community I watched the show with, lmao. Have people seen his original character artwork by Yu? The dreamy eyes, full lips, lashes for days? That's Tekkadan's true pretty boy right there! It's weird because he's the hot and dangerous war-man, and my cute baby boy I want to protect with all my might at the same time. I cannot with these conflicting feelings :u

Anyway! I think I've rambled so much and it still doesn't feel like I even touched anything beyond the surface. Hope there's at least something to read there (-u-)v

#wordsandrobots #ask #ibo #norba shino #yamagi gilmerton #shinoyama #gundam ibo #typo galore #delay in posting brought to you by perfectly timed internet outage #I think my router is dying #halp #sorry this took so long pulling words out of my brain how I feel about Shino and Yamagi is like pulling nails out of concrete ><

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thespectralvision · 1 year ago

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I met Paul Bettany (again) yesterday at Dallas Fan Festival and I'm not sure I'll ever recover.

To preface this, I've been doing cons and seeing live productions for a long time, so I have met a fair number of celebrities and I've never had a bad experience. Getting to meet Lizzie Olsen a few months back was thrilling enough, and I feel so blessed that both she and Paul ended up attending conventions in Texas within a span of months. That said, Paul Bettany blew every other celebrity meeting I've had so far out of the water I don't even know how to compare them. Part of that is my own personal connection to his work - he's been my favorite actor for a very *very* long time - and getting to share how he's been a part of my journey from afar was very emotional and so *so* worth it. Long story below the cut:

When I met him breifly in NYC it was very exciting, but he was running almost 30 minutes late to his own play and didn't have time to chat, so we just snapped the selfie and that was that. The play was an amazing experience, and I discussed it in this post back in December when it happened.

Yesterday I had several one-on-one minutes with him over the course of the day. After a little stress getting in the line (where a kind lady on staff went out of her way to help me and a large group of friends in line with me. One of them had purchased an autograph because she's collecting MCU signatures in a book, but she told me she also wanted to set me up so he knew I was a super-fan.

He started by looking at the print and then deciding he was going to sign it in pink. He was *very* adamant about that, and I laughed and said it was his call. The grin as he started to write and confirmed that yes, pink was the right colour was a wonderful laugh at the beginning.

I told him that I specifially painted this for him to sign, and he was so kind as he looked at it and told him it was my art. I shared a little of my journey and thanked him, because I found Vision as a character due to being a fan of his acting for nearly 2 decades, starting with when I saw A Knights Tale shortly after it came out back in 2001. Before I could drive my dad would take me to go see every movie he did in theaters, and as an adult I've kept up. Paul's work has been a constant in my life, and a source of comfort long before his involvement in the MCU let alone my love of Vision as a character (completely seperate from the man who plays him)

I explained how I had been fighting severe depression for most of the 10 years prior to WandaVision's release, and I had given up on art. Watching WandaVision, and then reading comics about Vision made me want to paint him. The first several times I've never shared (maybe I'll do a big dump of unfinished/unreleased art one of these days) but I just kept trying. In the time since I've created close to 200 piece of art, and I take so much joy in it again. When I have a bad week I paint to relax, I paint when I'm struggling to express things, for a distraction or to share my joy. I didn't go into so much detail with Paul but he listened to every word. I then mentioned that I had met him very breifly in NYC last winter because I had travelled to see him for The Collaboration, and a front-row seat had been my Christmas Gift. He was *so happy* guys. He looked like he had just been given the best compliment ever when I told him how much of a treat it was to get to see him acting live. He made this little happy sound and it was so lovely. I think as artists, knowing our work has inspired others in the way we are inspired is a very high compliment and it felt that way.

He was so kind and at the end of our time together before I walked away he looked at me and told me I had a gift, and thanked me for sharing it with him. I think hearing my story and his small but oh-so-important role in it made him a little emotional too, he looked like he might cry for a breif moment. I said I would be seeing him later for a photo and he smiled so brighly and waved me off, and he didn't turn to the next group until I turned away from his table. All my friends were waiting for me and had been watching and they started freaking out about the conversation. Another friend who was in a different line but had excellent eyesight of Paul was like 'I think he loved your art wow his reaction'. They watched him with other guests for quite awhile and commented that he was all smiles and like that with everyone. Every other person I spoke with at the convention who met him had nothing but glowing things to say. A few friends told me after they now understand why I'm so fond of him hah.

I had a period of time between the autograph and the scheduled photo ops, so I walked the rest of the event and picked up some goodies I'll share in another post - it was like Paul Bettany/Vision Christmas I've never seen so much Vision art and merch selling and on display let alone being bought. When it was finally my time for the photo he finished with the group ahead of me and his face lit up with a bright smile as I moved into the space. I wasn't sure how close was ok - I have a rule of thumb when doing con photos to let the guest decide how much contact/space is ok because everyone is different. Paul put his arm around me and kept nudging me until I finally moved in closer, then he gave me a proper hug with a little squeeze. If you've ever imagined huging Vision (or Paul) it's exactly what you expect. Before he let me go he thanked me again (?!) and waved me off, and said he'd see me at his panel in a little bit.

His panel was also fantastic and fun, and he charmed the entire room. Some friends went with me who aren't as familiar with him or his work outside of Marvel, and they all agreed they would pay to meet him again/see a panel if he had one. I'm sure someone else will beat me to uploading the video (I did record most of it but my phone was almost dead) so I won't go into too much detail but it was such a fun hour.

I couldn't have asked for a better day. If anyone on this Earth made me feel the way Vision makes me feel when I'm reading comics or watching MCU projects, it was Paul. He described Vision in an interview once as 'warmth personified' and I think that's just a lot of *him*. His energy was infectuous and he was so gracious and kind and humbled by the display of fans. It was also just nice to see so many people celebrating his art and the characters he plays. It's rare to see *so much* love for Vision, let alone others that are less known.

If you are a fan and have an opportunity to see Paul Bettany live please do. He really is a gem and in this case I'm so glad I got to meet my hero in more ways than one.

#paul bettany #dallas fan festival 2023 #The Vision #WandaVision

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anonbinaryweirdo · 1 year ago

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HI !! i feel like we shld get to know each other more outside of what weve already told each other sooo-

im filipino !! sometimes i use taglish (tagalog + english) when speaking <3 m a lot more fluent in english tho ;; i loveee all shades of blue, specifically periwinkle (its so pretty……..), n i also love pokemon, kny, n mha :3 (rlly hate their fanbases tho. i have. words. about them.) i have several phobias, some of them pretty weird to have as a 16y/o 😭 its uh,,, stairs, dolls, tight spaces, tiny holes, clowns, darkness n the smallest problems cause me a lot of distress… (yesterday i couldnt use spotify abroad for more than 2weeks n i was panicking for like 15 minutes until i was able to change my location 😭) i watch a lot of matpat (namely film theory n game theory), n coryxkenshin !! a few poketubers here n there (mandjtv, patterrz n pm7) but these two r who i watch mainly <3

omg

i only know English BUT I'm learning German :D (I haven't seen Duolingo in months but i can pick up on things fast)

my attention span and memory is... phew. I also tend to have a short fuse but I'm very patient and I can control myself I promise pls don't run away from me. also my first instinct when someone does something to upset my friend is to get physical (and if it's through screen I can argue for hours. one of my teachers+ bestie said I could run for something (governor, president, etc.. I forgor)

green. i love greens I love them all sm. I like earthy colors but green <333

i curse... a lot :D

i also watch a lot of matpat !! I'm also an 8bitryan (my comfort YouTuber fr) and Kubz Scouts enthusiast 🫶🏽

i also like kny and mha !! Nezuko n Kaminari my loves <3 (t.. the fanbases.......//neg)

I'm typically calm in situations most of the time, save for when I'm not going feral and committing arson on this very blog

I'm not scared of much? probably adults that are over 25 but other than that nothing IMMEDIATELY comes to minspiders.

I use endearments a lot !! despite being the (so far as I know) second youngest of all my mutuals I call (as long as I know they're comfortable with it) a lot of them "baby," chances are I'll use platonic endearments on you too out of habit so lmk if this makes you uncomfortable <3

i love kids 🫶🏽 I helped raise a few and I was/am a babysitter,, love them just as much as I love dogs

i like. i like to ramble and rant (as you're seeing rn). don't let me find out we have a similar interest AND you allow rambling I'll go crazy real fast. speaking of I hyperfixations I fixate on a lot of things at the same time sosjksj(rihh now its mainlty Hamilton and Genshin)

i can't remember much (like. birthdays, names, dates, or anything you might have told me two seconds ago. i probably zoned out or it just flew past my head) but I do (try to) remember small details about people :D

I am. not on any medication for adhd so I go insane on here. a lot. my thoughts are js.. if I think it I say it and THEN think about what I've said AFTER I say it and bang my head against the table in shame

i like collecting leaves

i also like women but I mean I guess men are attractive too

#theres. more i wanted to put #but im. im rambling.#❓ get to know oli

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armpirate · 2 years ago

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UNDER YOUR SKIN || JJK || Ch. 27

Pairings: tattoist!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, friends to lovers, tattoo au, virgin reader.

Summary: You were awful on anything related to flirting, guys and sex. He was the perfect ladies man. You wanted to get rid of your virginity. And he was there to help you with everything you needed. You didn't have the best start, but that didn't mean you wouldn't have the best of the endings.

Warnings: mentions of trauma and child abuse

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

To be honest, I don't expect him to come back the morning after. And I wouldn't blame him. Meeting my parents when we're still handling this type of situationship, all while trying to dig into a trauma I didn't even know I had until a few days ago isn't the plan you'd go for if you could choose. He rushes to prove me wrong again, as he loves to do usually, when I get a text message from him.

Asshole: Hurry up, ur coffee will get cold.

I save my phone inside my back pocket, and collect my jacket and bag before I look around to make sure I'll leave everything as I should.

When I hop on the car, I barely can hold back my smile when I see him. And it's not something new. Jungkook just has that bright aura that's able to change the mood just by his presence. I'm also surprised he isn't wearing his usual black or gray outfits, and see he opted for a pink denim jacket over a white t-shirt.

—Did you dress up to meet my parents? —I tease him.

—First impressions are important —he hands me the coffee cup.

—You're going to support me, not ask for my hand in marriage.

Jungkook laughs, and asks me if I'm ready before he starts the engine to get the car back to the road. The weather is chilly, and I love how it started heating up once we entered the month of June -it definitely feels so nice to be able to open the window and feel the light breeze.

—Won't you be hot with that jacket on?

—Won't you be cold without a jacket on?

He snaps back, smirking when he sees I have no response to his question. June is definitely a confusing time. Basically, because once you step outside, you won't be able to tell what the weather actually is just by looking at people in the street.

—Why did you tint it black? —I play with one of his black locks in between my fingers.

—My hair was a mix of purple and black, it was looking awful already —I catch him trying to look at me through the corner of his eye—. Why? Are you missing the purple?

—It's not that —I tuck that strand of hair behind his ear—. I was just used to it.

I move my hand away, playing with the line of silver rings hanging on his earlobe with the reverse of my index, before I place it back on my lap. He doesn't need to say he likes it when I do that, the way he smiles only showing his front teeth is loud enough.

—How are you feeling? —he sips from the straw, before leaving the plastic cup back in the cup holder.

Sighing loud, I move my eyes away back to the road. If I had told myself three months ago I'd be visiting my parents, with the same guy I couldn't stand two months ago, because they're the only ones that know why I can't get near a male, I wouldn't believe it. It's overwhelming how much things can change in such a short span of time.

—Nervous —I scoff—. I don't know how they'll react when they see me. It's been too long. And I'm not sure how I should introduce the...

—I get it —he nods, interrupting me as he sees me struggling to finish the sentence—. Just let it flow. Let it all settle before you bring up that incident, enjoy some time with them. You need to be comfortable to discuss that.

The rest of the way there, we're in silence -that only ends up being filled by the almost inaudible voices and music of the songs playing on the radio. I'm too focused on replaying in my head the different possible scenarios that could take place soon, while I try to find the best way to act in each one of them.

More than one hour later, he enters my old neighborhood. And I'm amazed with the difference with the place I'm currently living in. Well, honestly, I've been amazed since we entered the town and didn't hear the loud noise of cars passing by, or having the streets totally crowded. It's not silent and there's people in the street, but still the difference is abysmal.

I feel my heart climbing on my throat as we start getting closer to my parents' house. Suddenly, everything I had prepared on our way here disappeared. There's nothing left, and I'm left totally on my own.

—This place is so nice —he hums, looking around as we both get out of the car.

—Yeah.

I look around, but my eyes keep going back to the salmon colored facade house in front of me. Last time I was here I was almost running away, getting in a cab to the nearest bus station just so I could start living my own life.

—I bet it would've been so easy to sneak into your room at night —he randomly mentions, looking in the same direction I am.

—Yeah, good luck with that, Spider man. You would've woken up the whole neighborhood with the alarm.

—That's why you'd work to deactivate it —he replies, throwing a serious stare at me—. We're a team, cocktease.

While I chuckle at his comment, I think how thankful I am that he insisted on coming. I wasn't aware how difficult this would be for me until I found myself facing the problem for the first time.

I try to look for my dad's or my mom's car, to know whether they're at home or not. And I see a new and shiny sedan parked right outside of the garage door.

I was hopeful I'd have to push the whole thing a bit later, but the fact that one of them -or the two of them- are at home right now totally takes away that possibility.

My body enters a type of automatic mode, guided by what I know I have to do and leaving aside all my insecurities. I'm not aware of how much I've walked to the main door, or how long I've been pressing the ring bell until Jungkook moves my hand away. His thumb strokes the reverse in my hand, trying to calm me down. And it does work, even if it's just for a few seconds until the door opens in front of us.

My dad's thick eyebrows furrow when he opens up and sees me. His gray eyes are fixed on me, he seems to be analyzing each one of the features in my face, because his pupils move everywhere until they find their way back to my eyes.

—I didn't know you were coming. Your mom didn't tell me anything.

—Mom doesn't know either —I answer right away—. If I'm honest, I wasn't sure there would be someone at home.

—I'm on my day off in the factory —he stutters those words, he seems as nervous as I am.

We look at each other, not in a challenging way. I guess we're both equally surprised of me being here out of nowhere. After my grandma's funeral, there wasn't any type of contact between us. I've always managed to live my own life without problems, and I've never seen myself in a position where I wouldn't be able to find the way out by myself. Well, until now.

—I'm Jungkook.

He breaks the silence, and overthrows the wall that was forming in between me and my dad when he extends his tattooed hand towards the man that has opened the door for us.

—William —he says with a tiny smile—. Will —he corrects himself—. Is he your...? —his gray eyes go back to me— I mean, are you two dating?

—No —I answer fast.

—I'm just a friend.

This is so weird.

—Do you want to come in?

Jungkook looks at me, waiting for me to answer, while my dad just opens the door even more and steps back, giving us room to pass in.

And the strangeness only becomes bigger when I'm in and I make my way to the living room, guided by my dad. Oodles of memories start replaying before my eyes. Every single time I rushed to the door, still chewing my breakfast, before I left for school; the overly decorated Christmas, the loud and cheerful birthdays filled with balloons over the house... But I also see myself sitting on that chunky dining table, studying while my classmates were meeting up somewhere nice, I also see the constant arguments because I wasn't allowed to live the way others did.

I vividly recall in my head my last day here, how I barely talked to them, how I didn't wait to have lunch to get all my bags in the cab, and how they didn't even bat an eye when I said I was leaving.

—Y/n —Jungkook calls me.

When I turn to my dad, he's looking at me with tenderness, before he asks again whether we want something to drink or to eat. He also offers us a seat, which I take on what was my usual seat years ago.

—Is mom working?

—I don't think she'll take too long. She should be finishing her shift in two hours —I nod—. I'm really happy to see you here —he assures me.

A thick and uncomfortable silence stays with that after that comment. A silence that Jungkook tries to make disappear again, when his curious eyes travel across the living room until he finds something he could ask about. But my father is faster, and has seemed to catch a glimpse of the tattoos in his hand.

—I've always wanted to get one —he chuckles—. But every time I've postponed it. And look at me now, too old to get one.

—Oh, that's bullshit —he says without thinking, but stops as soon as he's aware—. Sorry, sir.

My dad simply shrugs it off, and encourages him to proceed.

—It's never too late —he shakes his hand in the air—. In fact, whenever you come to New York, come to my studio. I'll work on it personally.

—I'll sleep on it.

Silence is back, but not for that long. This time, my father is the one who brings up a topic and asks how everything is going. Or, how he likes to say "How's life been treating me?". Instead of lying, and inventing a perfect life with my dream job, I'm honest. I admit I've been struggling to find a vacancy in that world I crazily craved to be in. I don't get the judging look I thought I'd be getting, he doesn't throw a hurtful comment to make me feel bad about my choice. Instead, he smiles and guarantees I'll find my place soon.

The uncomfortable environment starts disappearing slowly, to the point that we start talking randomly about life, about the world and how fucked up it is. I'm more surprised to see how well both Jungkook and my father seem to get on. Well, it's not that big of a surprise, since Jungkook just has that effect in general, but it was unexpected.

This peace and ease takes a turn when my mom comes back home. She greets my father from the door, but suddenly stops when she sees me.

Their reactions have been quite similar anyway. They seemed uncomfortable, not in a bad way, not in the sense of them not wanting me here, but more towards being unsure on what to do or say exactly. And if it comforts them, I'm feeling the exact same way.

—I know I should've called before.

—You know this is your home. You can come whenever you want —my mom answers fast, sitting next to my father on the armrest of the couch.

—I know, but it's been too long. And I came out of nowhere.

—It's okay —my father nods.

Silence is back again, but the environment feels different. It's like we all know why I'm here all of a sudden, but nobody is able to bring it up. I feel a light weight on my hand, just to find Jungkook's fingers trying to give me the strength I can't seem to find by myself.

—I wish the reason why I'm here was because I was able to find a nice job and prove my degree wasn't useless, but I'm not here because of that —I slide my hands over my legs nervously.

—We know why you're here —my mom says—. I wish it was because you wanted to see us, but that's not the case either.

I might be looking completely confused, because I don't need to ask any questions to get them to answer them.

—Your therapist already told us that sooner or later you'd come back for answers —my father mentions, avoiding looking at me—. And we should always be open to sharing them with you.

I try to find the best way to start. Unsure on whether I should explain what's been going on the last few weeks, or directly ask what I want to know.

Jungkook holds my hand tighter, giving me the courage I can't find anywhere to speak, to open up.

—I've been having nightmares —I'm limited to say—. Nightmares that seemed too realistic, in a place that I've been able to recognize. So I went to a therapist, and he said that those nightmares could be linked to some type of trauma I went through when I was younger —I take a big breath—. You are the only ones that could help me right now. Yesterday I was looking up online and it said I could take months, or even years, to remember everything by myself. And I don't want to go through this for so long. I can't live like this for so long.

My mother nods, but she doesn't start speaking straight away. She needs time to think, and I want to give it to her. That's why I'm here.

—You had a friend you were close to when you were younger —my mother starts—. You used to go to her place to play and do your homework.

Looking at my father, she nods and signs him to bring something, while muttering "Show it to her". He stands up to open one of the drawers in the big wooden cabinet, placed in front of the dining table. When he comes back, he hands me a photograph. It's a picture of me and a blonde girl that's a little bit taller than me.

—You and Amber were glued to each other. Always together —she smiles—. So it wasn't weird you went to her place after school, just like she came here many times. One of those afternoons, you decided to play hide and seek...

As she starts narrating everything that happened, the scenes appear in my head. Like a movie you wish you had never watched.

Amber always came up with the best ways to entertain us, always made every game sound so interesting that it was difficult not to want to play. That's why she's my best friend. We always have a great time together.

I'm hurrying to find a place to hide while she's counting down out loud from the kitchen, but I can't find the perfect spot to win the game. I know she'll be able to find me in each one of the previous spots I've chosen. So when I see the door to his parents' room half open, I head in there without giving it a second thought. Her parents aren't here, and by the time they arrive, we'll be finished with this game.

I could've picked a lot of places, but I end up choosing the closet. It has some slits that will allow me to see her coming, and foresee her movements so I can start running whenever she heads to the opposite direction of where I am.

Happy with my plan, I just sit there and wait for Amber to show up at any time -especially when her singing tone starts sounding louder and clearer. And after what seems way too long, she finally makes it into her parents' room. I'm getting ready to start running whenever I see the chance. I'm already getting up and placing my hand on the closet door to push it, but when I'm about to get out, a male body shows up.

Scared of being scolded for getting inside their room, I step back and keep quiet. I'll stay a little longer.

At first, I think her father is just greeting her. But how she starts whimpering and begging him not to punish her, just makes me think she might get scolded for getting in this room. And that only convinces me even more that I shouldn't leave this closet yet. But the way he scolds her is so weird. He throws her onto the bed, and gets over her body. He doesn't get naked, but I see him lowering his pants, as Amber tells him to stop and asks for help simultaneously.

I want to help, I want to ask for help. But I'm so scared I don't know what to do, so I just sit there, bracing myself and trying to cover up my ears while I beg for all of this to be over as soon as possible.

The drowned screams stop. I don't know when they stopped, but I can't hear them anymore. Looking through one of the slits, with blurry vision, I try to see if there's someone in the room, but it's empty again. Only thing left from what happened are the messy sheets, especially towards the edge of the bed.

As I see the chance, I run. I head downstairs, and seeing no one is on sight, not even Amber, I start running away. No direction, I just want to forget what I saw.

—We were looking for you all night —I hear my dad say—. We were lucky a neighbor saw you getting in the park.

—When we saw you in that state, we thought the worst. But then you told us what happened —my mom scratches her nape—. You looked so devastated we didn't think you were lying. So we talked to Amber's mother and told her.

—You barely ate, you didn't speak, you had awful nightmares at night —my dad continues—. And they all stopped one night.

—The therapist told us it was a way to cope with what happened, but that it could have some effects on the long run. You didn't remember anything, it just vanished. We had the choice of telling you or hiding it and letting you be happy. And, as a mother, I made the best decision for you.

—What happened to Amber?

—It was proven her dad had been sexually assaulting her —her voice trembles—. He went to jail, but he killed himself two weeks later.

—And last I knew about Amber, she moved to California with her boyfriend. She seems to be doing great.

—She and her mother moved away after everything happened —my mom explains—. Diane wanted to protect Amber, that house was filled with memories wherever they looked. And she also wanted to protect you. When we told her you forgot about everything, her mother thought it'd be better if you just stopped hanging out with Amber so there wouldn't be any possibility of you remembering.

Although I'm happy to hear she is doing fine, seemingly, and has just gone on with life, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by all this new information. It's not cold, yet I feel my whole body tremble, and I can't find a way to make it stop.

—You were only ten when it happened. We wanted to protect you from everything, we needed to know that you'd be okay —I hear my father say—. Probably the way we did it wasn't the best, and we realized the day you told us you wanted to leave, but keeping you safe was the only thing we wanted.

I look at the both of them, annoyed over the fact that they always need to have a say on what I do, even if it's about my future. Right when I needed their support the most, they decided to take it away and try to convince me to do it their own way. So when my mother says I'll be grateful once I get older, I can't help but scoff.

—Just like I should be thankful for having no friends? For being eighteen and living my life only by looking at others through my window? I want to live my life, make my mistakes, and get my own achievements. I just want to live and do what others do.

I'm unable to lift my gaze and looks at them right now. My eyes are glued to my own hands on my laps, and my fingers moving nervously against one another while I see the teardrops making my vision blurry until I can't hold them any longer. I don't even need to blink for them to fall off, and land on the exposed skin of my forearm.

—That's why I talked to my mom, and asked her to look after you while you were there. We wanted to know that you'd be sleeping in a safe place, and wouldn't be totally by yourself in New York —I listen to my dad mention.

Although I wish I could say something, it's just too much information right now. The walls and ceiling seem to be getting closer, making the room smaller, as time passes by. And I try to stay here, make the walls go back to their place, but that never happens. I feel forced to stand up and head outside. And it's not until I feel the chilly breeze hit me, that I allow myself to break in a whimper.

I realize just now everything I've been missing. Not only in my teenage years, but with my parents as well. Realizing everything could've been so different if I hadn't chosen to hide in that closet that day, everything that could've been, only makes me aware how a small and innocent decision turned my life upside down. And how I allowed it to happen. I protected myself, yet I made everyone around me worry and suffer, forced everyone to mold to what I needed without being aware of it.

I don't know how long I stay outside, but I'm aware of Jungkook's presence when his warmth covers my body and his arms wrapped around me. And time stops when I turn on my feet to hide my face on his neck, holding onto him as if he were the only safe place I needed, the only safe place where I actually feel nothing wrong could happen.

After what feels like forever, I think I'm calm enough to go back inside. My parents' eyes set on both of us, especially me the moment we cross the door to the living room. And although I'm convinced discomfort and strangeness will go back to invading the place, my mom is faster and comes up with the idea of having lunch together.

I turn to Jungkook, unsure on whether this will be okay for him. But he just gives me a reassuring smile, and nods.

The time we spend together makes me realize several things. One of them is that seeing so much time wasted hurts and there's no turning back, but if life gives you a chance to realize it on time, it means it's giving you a second chance to make even better memories. And the other, that it doesn't matter who Jungkook is with, he always ends up making everyone fall for him so easily. He just has that gift.

—Come whenever you want, alright? —my father tells me, while we head to the door— And make sure to bring him, too —his head points to Jungkook, who's still praising my mom for the food while holding a Tupperware with the leftovers.

—It was a pleasure, sir —Jungkook said, but soon he corrects himself—. I mean, Will.

—Come more often —my mother says, when she stands next to my dad—. And be careful on your way back —she now looks at the man standing next to me—. Add a bit more cream while you're cooking it, it'll make the sauce softer.

He just nods with a smile, before saying goodbye to both of them again while waiting for me to take the first step out. I think about hugging them both, I think I should do it, but I don't feel comfortable enough to do it. It just doesn't feel natural for me to do it right now. And they both seem to understand it, as they only nod and pat my upper arm.

#fanfic #ff #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkookxreader #jk #bts #wattpad #kookie #smut #jungkook smut #tattoistjk #tattooau #armpirate

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vitiateoriginator · 7 months ago

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i wonder… 1, 19 (:3) 22, 26, 37 ? this is a lot at once so u don't need 2 answer all but u definitely have to answer 19

Aaaa tysm for the ask!!! I'm definitely gonna answer them all >:3

1) who is/are your comfort character(s)?

I have a couple! And they're from completely different walks of life. The first one is Goku from DBZ! He's been a comfort for me since I was around 4. I used to watch the anime with my friends growing up, and reenact the episodes with them after watching! I've always admired Goku's strength, and that no matter what he goes through he's still his goofy and caring self! He just seems like someone you'd wanna be friends with. There's also Spongebob, from the titularly named show Spongebob SquarePants. My favorite little yellow guy <3 He's also been a comfort since I was small. I just like how silly and naive he is, I'd probably be friends with him irl if he were real! Idc that his laugh is annoying that's my buddy!!! Also, I think it'd be awesome if the two of them met and became friends (like how Spongey and Danny Phantom hang out as friends. Can I quickly mention how cute of a friendship I think that is?? We were robbed of a Danny Phantom/Spongebob SquarePants crossover!) I watched a Goku vs Spongebob deathbattle once, it was cool. But like, what if they hung out instead? Spongebob could cook up a shit ton of Krabby Patties while Goku trains and they could enjoy them together afterwards. OR or or Goku training Spongebob, since Spongey like karate!! Mixed martial arts sometimes includes moves from katate right?? Goku could show him some new moves to kick Sandy's butt with!

19) imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

Judging by how excited about this particular question you seem to be, I assume you really want your nails painted at the sleepover, so I'd definitely do it!! As long as you braid my hair afterwards. I'll let you pick out all your favorite colors from my nail polish collection (I've probably got as much as a nail salon does, even tho I don't really use them anymore. I really like colors). Or I'll paint your nails in rainbows with little hearts on them!! Do you prefer bright or pastel colors?

22) what type of person are you?

Aah well that's a complicated question, very broad. I'm an ambivert firstly, both parts outgoing and quiet. Some say I'm good with people and talking with them, meanwhile if I'm hanging out with almost anyone I burn out after a few hours, and need to spend a few more not talking (we can be in the same room, but I'd prefer to be alone during that time). Many describe me as caring and helpful too, even self sacrificing. I'm also very silly goofy and accident prone/clumsy. But stubborn at times, too. Hopefully this answers the question well enough?

26) a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

Probably the first date with my datemate! Especially the beginning and end of it. I remember coming up the stairs of my apartment to meet him irl for the first time, and freezing halfway when I saw him coming out of the car. I was thinking "oh my god is this really happening, is this real life?? I can't do this! I can't face him in person I'm too nervous!!" The nerves lasted throughout the date (we hung out for like 10 hours!) And by the time he was about to go home we kissed for the first time and suddenly it felt like the nerves had been broken. Almost instantly a sense of comfort and familiarity washed over me and I didn't feel so anxious anymore to be around him. I particularly remember the hug we had afterwards (our first real hug) and how comfortable and warm it was. I nearly happy cried, and still tear up thinking about it >w<. It was in that moment I knew I was actually in love with him (we'd been in a long distance relationship for 6 months before meeting irl, and while we had within that span of time told each other "I love you", it didn't feel as real as it had when I'd finally had him in my arms). Sorry to get all sappy!!

37) someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

Not really, tbh!! Anyone that would have counted is no longer in my life. I could say my honorary uncle, since we have no blood relation, but that still counts as a relative I believe. I've never had many friends or close companions.

#oihoihoi #ask game #ask meme

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fortemelody · 7 months ago

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growing up a child of divorce and neglect meant a lot of traumatic moments obviously- but for the sake of this post we’re throwing most of that aspect away to talk about a smaller issue that i’ve come to realize holds a lot more weight than i ever thought it would.

my dream as a kid was always to have all of the stuff i collected in one space. dvds, cds, video game consoles, toys, plushies, figures, you name it. and until i was about 13 or 14, the room of the house i was neglected at (dads) felt so absolutely barren becus i didn’t have the chance to really go outside and buy stuff for it, and bringing stuff back and forth (unless it was my fav stuffed animal) felt like such a hassle. hell, i barely even had any clothes there and i wasn’t taught how to do laundry for awhile which made it worse.

what does this have to do with the present day you may ask? well, as of january 15 of this year, i officially gained some courage and moved out of my dads house. however i didn’t start moving any of my things till months later. i got a couple essential items here and there but now that it’s summer i’ve officially started getting more things in bulk from there and moving it over. it’s literally a 5 minute walk so it’s not hard to do at all. but i can’t help but have conflicting emotions from it all. for one, my dream of all my stuff being in a single room/house is finally coming true, and i can collectively look at what i all have together. i didn’t think this would happen till i got a new apartment or house of my own after college (so like… around 22 years old compared to being 17). but on the other hand, i can’t help but feel a bit sad. the layout of each room was unique how it was, and i managed to cultivate a safe space at my dads out of really shitty circumstances. in the span of the 3 years where i gained friends and a sense of direction, i could finally obtain merch and other items that made me happy and put them in my dads house, so it wasn’t some barren wasteland that i dreaded. seeing as though that’s where i spent all my time at that house, it only seemed right for it to look good. slowly stripping this room apart makes me really sad that i was destroying the work i put in to make a good environment for myself. but then comes an even bigger problem. i also have become in those three years a MASSIVE hoarder. and the only way that everything fit was having two spaces. and now i will only have one. i quickly went from a kid who wanted so many new products and toys to help me escape my reality, to an almost adult who bought too many things in an attempt to salvage their inner child. it’s quite the heartbreaking thing to see becus many of the items i have now (unless they’re from a specific person i cherish or already have sentimental value ) don’t really have much meaning on their own anymore and it sucks. i would say that money can buy happiness, but only for a limited amount of time. i deep cleaned out my closet to make room for at least some of the stuff from my dads, and i did manage to get three full garbage bags of things im going to donate to goodwill, so i’m glad that i am giving back in some way. but i’m still astonished that -even after that- how much stuff can pile up and eventually just come to be decoration after thinking it would be the key to your life. yes, i’m still going to collect, especially items you can actually use (physical media), but man it really hits different when you can visualize how many items you actually own. it’s a bit terrifying honestly. nevertheless, i do love the act of actually organizing so that aspect will be fun, and i don’t think it’s all completely bad becus there are a few gems that i’m really proud of owning.

a side story to top this all off- i made the mistake of carrying four huge bags full of clothes yesterday as i walked home in a path where i would see a lot of people. i could’ve waited like a half an hour until my dad was ready to load his car with my stuff, but i was so stubborn and wanted to leave his house ASAP. i had it in my mind the whole time that i probably looked like a homeless child (seeing as though me and my mom see this one homeless guy with 20 bags constantly throughout our neighborhood). shameful needless embarrassment aside, it’s really sad that my own stubbornness is what made me look like an “outcast” by society. my family is not exactly financially stable ourselves, but i obviously have a house as stated. it made me think about how many homeless people really only have their items to keep themselves sane. you come to appreciate what you *do* have becus of that. i really hope i come to a point in my life where i can stop buying things i don’t need so i can give back to others that cherish and need their items so much more. or possibly find a balance of my money- with helping others as my main priority while just buying myself things at certain times of the year. and referring to the root of this story, i hope i can also get to a point where i’m not so fucking stubborn and holding that strong of a grudge that i can tolerate my dad for an extra half an hour. but that’s a whole other story 😭

#story time #collector #dvds #video games #figure collecting #plushies #i be philosophical n shit #sonic collector #story #storytelling #hoarder #hoarding

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moldybonessmell · 1 year ago

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How do you feel about waifugaming in genshin?

I'm one of these people and feel absolutely unapologetic about it😂😂 Tho there were many times I had to just give up on a character because their base stats are just too bad (I'm sorry, Candace, you have one of the coolest designs in the game but no way on earth I can make you a dps😔)

Welcome to my waifu and husbando collection review lol

Disclaimer: I use these words ironically

Tho my waifugaming collection is not that impressive

When you look at this I definitely have a type tho lol

None of them is crowned (+ I'm still levelling up Xianyun), tho Shenhe got 9-9 talents and yes, I did in fact bought her skin and it's super pretty I have no regrets

I used to consistently bring Sara to coop domains and people were freaking out why she had Polar Star bow on her lol it was fun

I used to main Ningguang on ranks before 60 but kinda got to a skill ceiling with her being geo and me not being able to substantially buff her

But my husbandogaming is pretty strong I feel like

My ass having KAEYA (C6 btw) of all charas triple crowned says a lot, for God's sake, I literally started to play genshin just because I saw Kaeya pictures and him being pretty

Childe is my main and triple crowned too but he's a 5* it's expected, he's also C3 but it was two separate accidents lol cus his cons are not that good

Zhongli got two crowns too but it was just for the sake of it as I had resources, he's still a support

Thoma, my beloved, is completely benched now but used to help me a lot before I was able to pull Zhongli, he's still the best husband material character in the game his hangouts were super cute

Got super lucky genshin devs eventually decided to make male charas viable dps so I can have Alhaitham and Neuvillette to carry my account (besides Tartaglia of course, but he's still more of an enabler than dps)

Alhaitham got 2 crowns, Neuvillette got one on charged

Kaveh end up being benched but he's still my babygirl

Wriothesley was an accidental pull but I have no regrets as I definitely look at him respectfully at all times, but, unfortunately, main cryo dps title is on Kaeya, he can't fight that

Don't forget about the short kings!

I've spent AN ENTIRE YEAR SAVING UP AS F2P to get Xiao cus I started to play on 1.3 and didn't pull him I can't believe he had several reruns just in a span of few months after that I was so upset I didn't get any inazuma 5* bc of saving up he was IMMEDIATELY triple crowned lol when my main Tartaglia had to wait half a year🤡 Eventually benched him because as a hypercarry he couldn't compete with my other team-player-charas no matter how much I tried. He's still my deadly meowmeow and I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE'S NOT IN NEW LANTERN RITE EVENT-

I pulled Tighnari on his first banner (before he went into standart) and it was my first time donating to genshin🤡🤡🤡 I have him C3 and double crowned now and he's actually pretty good I still bring him to fight long range bosses (in comparison with Cyno and Scara who are benched rn)

Cyno disappointed me at first, but he works really good in hyperbloom teams. The only reason I benched him is because I didn't have a proper dendro application, but I pulled Nahida recently and will definitely revive my Cyno Hyperbloom Team🤓

Scara or Wanderer is still pretty good, but I personally don't enjoy a hypercarry playstyle anymore, he's still one of the charas I like a lot tho.

This is it! Have you ever made a "weak" character a strong dps just because of the sheer obsession you have over them?

#genshin #genshin impact #genshinimpact

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disgruntledexplainer · 7 months ago

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OK, now that we've covered the primary anti-mythos organization, lets do the others. I think we'll go: M-EPIC, GRU-SV8, PISCES, The Order of the Sword of Saint Jerome, and finally the Swords of Sneferu. The other anti-mythos organizations are either dead by the 21st century (The Sons of Solomon), too small to have any affect outside a single country (The Dawn), or so hopelessly compromised by the Mythos that they can't really help anyone any more (The Knights Templar).

Let's start with M-EPIC. Unlike Delta Green, PISCES, GRU-SV8, and MAJESTIC-12, M-EPIC is not a military organization; it is actually a civilian organization, albeit officially sanctioned by the Canadian government. It is a loose association of Canadian mounties who have been active in fighting against the Mythos nearly since the English took over Canada, and largely started doing so of their own accord. Because they have been at this for so long, most major mythos threats they have faced have been nipped in the bud, leaving them facing only the worshipers of the Great Old One Ithaqua, and the followers of the Elder Deep One known as He Who Swims With Corpses, the latter of which they are not even really aware of because they keep to themselves. While they are smaller than delta green and don't have access to the vast resources of the US military (or the Canadian military for that matter), they more than make up for it with efficiency and legitimacy. Because they can communicate with each-other more easily without the cell structure they can more easily coordinate large-scale operations than Delta Green can; also, because they are fully backed by the Canadian civilian government, they can rest assured that their activities will be covered up if they get in trouble.

M-EPIC has another notable advantage that Delta Green does not, one that they aren't even aware they have: they have a full-blown mythos sorcerer of incredible power backing them up from the inside. While normally being driven mad by the Mythos would be a bad thing for the organization as a whole, this particular sorcerer is exclusively concerned with hording as much mystical power as possible and achieving immortality, both of which he can perform very well without summoning Azathoth. Indeed, it actually drives him to help M-EPIC more for one specific reason: M-EPIC delivers magical resources directly to him.

This sorcerer in question is the current head of occult research of M-EPIC, and has been for some time. All Mythos knowledge collected by the mounties is given to him for analysis, which of course drove him mad within the first few months of the job. But he figures that since every time M-EPIC succeeds on a mission he gains more arcane resources, it's in his best interest that M-EPIC succeed on as many missions as possible. To this end he essentially develops custom mystical resources for the mounties whenever they go on a mission to make sure they all come back in one piece. This means that out of all the anti-mythos organizations associated with specific nations, M-EPIC has the greatest magical power available to them. (Of course the mystical power wielded by the Order of the Swords of Saint Jerome and the Swords of Sneferu are significantly greater, but they are organizations which span entire religions instead of a country).

M-EPIC is not an organization with a clean record, however. In fact, because their primary enemies are cultists of Ithaqua, they have throughout history had a VERY bad relationship with the native american tribes in canada, especially those farther from the major population centers. The fact that it can be very difficult to distinguish between a cultist of Ithaqua and a legitimate practitioner of native canadian religions makes things very difficult. Also, because they are part of the national police force, they have been involved in crushing the Quebec independence movement, which is not good either. And the fact that they have official government support comes with one final issue; because they can cover up just about any activity, they are less predisposed to the kind of discretion which keeps Delta Green from engaging in more questionable activities.

i kinda want to make a post about Call of Cthulhu/ Cthulhu Dark Ages/Cthulhu Now/Delta Green/Nocturnum now. or perhaps a series of posts, discussing each of the major factions that exist within it's world. like TemCo, a stand in for predatory capitalism, or Majestic-12, the embodiment of all the shadey activities of the US government, or the various organizations under the umbrella of the Cult of Transcendence, which each represent a different major societal ill which infests western civilization.

might take a bit for me to make it.

would you like to hear stuff about it? and if so, should I start with Mythos or Anti-Mythos stuff first?

#delta green #m-epic #rpg #ttrpg

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