#i cant make this looks nice recently idk what it is i guess i just need to make more to get it together

[agustd3]

SUGA x VALENTINO x Marie Claire Korea behind the scenes

[my-thirteenth-reason]

kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)

[crazysodomite]

finally gonna answer that asks thingg. long post

3. your favorite piece(s)?

i really, truly fell off since making these 😭😭😭😭 im honestly not even confident i could create something of this quality ever again #felloff

these older portraits also just go to show how much i fell off. lol 😭😭

i like some of my newer art but its nothing to really write home about. my art has become more self-indulgent compared to squeezing the most 'skill' and 'detalization' out of each piece. i think in the end the process makes me happier (?) but i don't the same pride as looking at some of my older art. to be fair i also spend far less time on art compared to spending like 20 hours straight or days on a piece. frankly im not even sure i could replicate my old pipeline anymore and replicate my skill <- because i fell off!

i cope with the fact i fell off by saying 'im just exploring my own unique artistic vision' <- words from a guy who is simply not that good anymore

4. piece you wish got more love?

idkkk i dont really pay attention to numbers. i only really care/look at comments. i want more taur fans to follow me and talk me about taurs.

7. easiest thing for you to draw?

furries and creatures

8. thing you struggle to draw?

human faces.... this is sad because humans can be so diverse and interesting to draw but personally every time i draw a human it just looks incredibly ugly and bad (unless heavily stylized and simplified) and i just don't enjoy it as much as furries animals creatures monsters etc.

11. do you listen to anything while drawing?

yes... for my own detriment. especially when i dissociate i just turn on something in the background to 'help me focus' but idk if it actually helps me focus or just makes the dissociation more comfortable

13. talk about a wip you like!

i cant show you but it's a piece with lace and hornet (hollow knight)... i think i actually have a lot of wips with angels actually but i dont wanaaa show anybody

14. whats your favorite thing about drawing?

i dont know. gets scared. i enjoy feling proud and enjoying the final product. recently i also enjoy just drawing bodies and forms and volume. the process of 'god this looks like dogshit' going to 'i actually like this :)' or 'i love this and im proud of this' (if im lucky) is very enjoyable.

17. what is something youre confident about in your art?

i dont knowwwwwwww.... im gonna say im confident about something and someones gonna just tell me that im actually really bad at it. i think maybe volume and 'ambient occlusion' !?

21. what do you think your artstyle would taste like? I dont knowww.... from what people say it would be gummies or candies. but tbh that's just my more 'cutesy' art. i contain multitudes. some of my art probably tastes like dirt from the ground at a factory.

22. do you have a favorite color palette to work with?

i pretty much use these colors (for some reason i rarely use green or yellow. the circled colors are especially common. looking at my art it's a lot of purple, pink, blue, red, some oranges. idk why i gravitate to purple so much. i guess i just like red and blue a lot and ourple is a nice middle ground

(and this doesnt mean i dont like green or yellow my immediate reaction to drawing a creature is just making it these colors. for some reason)

24. whats a compliment about your art that has always stuck with you?

I always feel guilty that i dont like. save peoples comments to a folder so i can remember them better (maybe i should do this). i have a bad memory so i can hardly recall what people say word-for-word. I think I'm very humbled and happy when people say that my art has been meaningful to them in some way or helped them or even just made them happy or more willing to explore things about themselves. I also enjoy the 'i look like this and this made me happy' on my art ❤. that's definitely a part of why i enjoy drawing bodies so much. seeing a comment like 'this made me cry because i've never seen a body like mine represented before in a positive way' is really sad honestly and i wish the world wasn't so unfair and cruel man.

25. what size canvas/paper do you use?

i usually use a preset in photoshop for A4 or A3 paper. so about 2000-5000px range

30. whats something youre proud of about your artstyle?

i dont knowwwwwwwww... i think recently i like the way i paint bodies and i've been enjoying the orb heads as a stylistic choice even if some may think its ugly and boring. i also enjoy stylizing body hair. i also also want to adopt a more elaborate brushwork style but idont really know how to do thatttt

34. whats something you still like from your old art?

im just gonna talk about my olllld baby art. i love how innocent and cute and sweet it is. like you can really see my soul was not corrupted by evil yet. sighs

[carmenpeach]

i think i might make a new blog... ive had this one for like 7ish years and i think a clean start could be nice, this one is fulllllll of images and i dont know just feeling weird as i tend to do... ive had a username set aside for like months now that i was gonna change this blog to since its in the same vein of my old neopets username/ username i used to use waaaaaay back when but idk i just get this feeling of like. it would make me feel weird somehow even though its a username that brings me joy. thoughts in my head i cant convey succinctly enough.

i thought up a new username not associated with anything prior and its not taken so maybe soon i will make it. "soon" could be a week or a few months etc. i feel i dont have anything worthwhile to put on a new blog since i havent been drawing and at this rate i dont know when i will. i want to draw sometimes but they dont look good and i dont have passion like i used to. im not as unhealthy as i was a few months back but im nowhere near my average baseline health of like a year ago i guess. trying not to mope about it but also :( and i feel i hardly use this site anyways like i do but i dont. i scroll it for a few min and then leave it for a while to do i guess nothing and repeat. im not really sure what i do all day.

i guess i just dont really like sharing my thoughts anymore even though it used to bring me a lot of joy to have this to just showcase my thoughts so they werent cycling in my head all day and i guess thats what theyve been doing. i did recently get better health insurance so im hoping this will help me like writhe in agony less but its like yeah man ill be real none of my interests or hobbies do anything for me other than bring me down. but i dont think its like over its just rough and my organs hurt and i look different and my brain thinks different and its weird, but im still me even if im the "new" one right

[allbeendonebefore]

I have to ask nutmeg, I have to

Good to see when one is aware of one's branding ;)

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

my bedroom is kind of a mess and will be for the foreseeable future because it's just kind of being used as storage at the moment rather than decorated. I spent the whole holiday monday moving those damn blackout curtains and my mum is still like "wouldn't drapes be better?" like ma i am working with what i already have and can afford and they do not make drapes short enough for those windows and i am no longer in possession of the sewing machine because you all took it back out of province with you aaaaaaaaaaa

but apart from the ugly but lifesaving curtains and half the bookshelves in the house being crammed into my room I try to have a few personal touches (fairy lights, a nice framed star wars poster). Most of the conscious thought goes into my office.

I'd say it's an eclectic mix of sci fi posters and local art (both mine and others) and a bunch of knicknacks both recent and from childhood. It's not so much themed as just a reflection of my life (and i also keep getting edmonton swag).

i SUPPOSE i can show pictures but be warned its mostly just me like "gotta get stuff off the floor" and not much in the way of serious thoughtful design (which requires some money and some talent). There is some feng shui though to try to balance out the "idk what i am doing" chaos.

Office

ft. ted harrison, art by a person who didnt appreciate it so i keep it out of her reach so she cant destroy it, edmonton skyline print

beluga i have had since birth, star trek / wars figurines and some other guys as well as the tops of two out of many degrees

i have been digging all my pins out of storage to put on here plus necklaces and there's all the giant roadside attractions in alberta prints made by nancy nickolson who's art i love

i had books on this shelf for my zoom background to make me look like an intellectual and then the shelves fell on my head once so i decided to move them elsewhere hahahaha so now i just look like a weirdo obsessed with edmonton transit and star trek which is true.

(ignore the stupid hat it was a gift for my dad that he absolutely doesnt want but i dont know what to do with it)

postcards from places i've lived that aren't edmonton featuring art by @en-theos hehehe

some posters including a print from fort edmonton, local art propaganda, and a very kind yelp review printed out and given to me by a frequent houseguest :)

everyone is just jealous of my edmonton swag (and my piles of roasted peanuts for the magpies)

Living Room

moved my nice zoom shelf books (contributed by @randomoranges over here (and you must understand i liked voltron Before the reboot)

there's some dinosaurs my sister painted for me, several matryoshka dolls, some montreal art, kitty cats, and very tiny elgin marbles.

this is like the gay trek/who shelf i guess?? (ignore the calgary flag that's not real)

the star wars shelf (c3po is filled with orange pekoe so that's c3pekoe) and the eclectic plant collection (some of which belongs to @quatschmachen). They're hanging out here because i blacked out my office windows during the heatwave.

i keep getting these model valley line lrts and they have to live SOMEWHERE okay

tbh now that i have many of these i am thinking of rearranging them in rainbow order but i love them sooo much.

I do have piles of art that needs to be framed languishing in drawers and stuff but that's for Later. enjoy :)

[princesssmars]

cuffing season

a jim hopper x reader fic

el has been begging hopper to go see a concert of some new up and coming artist. hopper doesnt get the hype until he finally hears you sing.

wc : 1.266

contains: reader is famous and kind of. an 80s sza i guess ??? idk u perform cuffin season and hopper is whipped.

- s/n : stage name -

a/n: as soon as i heard this song i think we all thought of him. confirmed byt the dozens of edits ive seen and shared so yall saw this coming. enjoy.

.

.

.

hopper loved jane with all his heart. her entrance into his life gave a new meaning to his world; a new sense of purpose (even if he sometimes likes to act like an all-tough macho man, almost everyone he was close to saw him for the big softie at heart he was.)

but god damn was raising a teenage daughter hard.

he gave it his all and he could tell that she knew it, remembering to say thank you after every nice gesture. she often liked to throw in a little hug as well. he was lucky she was a sweetheart.

but of course given her upbringing in a government lab and being suddenly thrust into the modern world, she wanted more. she wanted to fit in.

so hop wasnt surprised when she asked to go to her first concert.

she had seen a commercial on the television for it at mikes house while hanging with the party, the artist being a woman called s/n who was going to perform some of her songs that had become very popular recently. hopper only listened to his favorite stations, so hes never heard of her songs on the radio.

but, it was the middle of fall nearing winter, and there wasnt much to do in hawkins this time of year, so he reluctantly agreed to drive jane and the party to indianapolis to go see the concert.

(hes barely able to survive the drive. he loves these kids but jeez could they talk about everything but nothing for hours.)

eventually they check in at their overnight hotel before heading to the outdoor venue, their seats being more near the stage.

(this trip cost quite a pretty penny but only the best he could get for them of course.)

its chilly and even snowing a bit but none of the people here even seem to mind, most on the edge of their seats while waiting for the show to start.

jane and max are excitedly whispering amongst themselves while the boys watch on and occasionally join in.

as the lights start to dim in preparation for the show, hopper catches dustin bouncing on the balls of his feet with a big smile on his face.

"what are you so giddy about? probably just gonna be some regurgitated pop songs..." hopper mumbles, confused at the boys excitement.

"no way! you obviously havent heard her most recent song. ever since it came out girls have been all over me. im dedicated to susie but its super cool."

hopper is about to ask him to elaborate when the screams of hundreds suddenly rings out, the lights on stage coming back up to officially start the performance.

when the lights turn on and the music starts, hopper can feel his breath get caught in his throat at the sight of you.

you, probably the most gorgeous woman hes ever seen, looking like an angel in a red fur coat ready to bless the masses. hes too busy staring straight at you that he barely registers your greeting to the audience, and only starts to pay attention when you start singing.

its cuffing season

and all the girls are leavin

to get a big boy

i need a big boy

give me a big boy

your lyrics and the confidence you give while saying them makes his face flush like a damn teenager. he cant remember the last time (or any time for that matter) where he heard a song targeting someone built like him, most songs in the radio desiring someone younger, thinner, and more muscular.

there are other woman singing/rapping along with you saying little jokes about bigger guys that granted do make him chuckle a bit. but even though your part in the song is small, he mostly keeps his eyes on you.

near what hes sure is the closing of the song, as you sing your repeated chorus and move along to the music, your eyes lock on his and his heart damn near stops when your smile widens after looking him up and down, singing while directing the lyrics to him.

its cuffin season

and now weve got a reason

to get a big boy

i want a big boy

give me a big, big, big boy

you wink at him before turning your attention back to the audience, wrapping up the song before continuing the rest. hopper feels a tugging on his arm, looking down at his beaming daughter who looks happier than hes ever seen her.

"shes so pretty! and i love her voice! isnt this so cool?!" she shouts over the music, slightly jumping up and down in excitement.

hopper smiles at her enjoyment, slightly chuckling along with her. "yeah, yeah shes cool, hon."

throughout the rest of the concert hopper finds himself enjoying it more and more, his eyes staying on you nearly the whole time. you make eye contact a few more times, and each time you send a flirtatious smile in his direction.

eventually the performance comes to a close, the kids still hyped and buzzing talking about their favorite parts. just as they're about to head out a security guard stops them.

"is there a problem? one of these kids didnt so something, did they?" jim asks, sending a pointed look in the kids direction, all of them standing still as statues.

"no, nothing wrong at all sir." the guard assures. "s/n is having a vip meet and greet backstage and invited your party to say hello and get some autographs."

hopper doent think hes ever seen the kids get so excited so quickly, but then again they were going to meet their first celebrity.

when its finally their time to meet you, you give them a great big smile and "hello!". you act so well with the kids, answering any question they have and taking a multitude of pictures. he stares on in fondness until you turn your attention to him.

"hi, your daughter told me your name is jim, right?"

"everyone just calls me hopper." he responds, trying to hide how hes slightly nervous in your presence. it was t everyday he met someone equally talented and drop dead gorgeous. "i uh...liked your song. the first one."

"mmm, pretty sure you more than liked it." you tease him, laughing when he looks away from you. "im glad you enjoyed it. me and my friends just wanted to show more love to guys of our type."

"your type huh? and im guessing by how you kept looking at me id fit in to your criteria?" he asks you bluntly, feeling proud when he sees you slightly flustered.

"youd more than fit, trust me-" youre blatant innuendo is cut off by your manager tapping you on the shoulder, whispering in your ear that you should start wrapping things up.

a deep sigh leaves you, sharing just another little moment with him before moving back to your table, writing something on a note and giving it to him with a smile.

he doesnt have time to look at it until later on during the drive home, most of the kids having tuckered themselves out from talking about the show and falling asleep one by one. he carefully pulls the note out of his jacket pocket, holding it in one hand while he drives with the harder.

its your name and number, with just a sentence of writing below them.

call me whenever youd like, big boy.

and in that moment, hopper has never been more grateful for his daughter.

.

.

.

a/n: i dont have anything to say need him bad. bigger boys girls nd everyone in between we love yall. thanks for reading <3

[thesugarhole]

sanrio?? hello??

violin* and obsessed with money???? since when??? i mean. alright. i can give the violin to him AND cherry but its like, very barely there violin??

me to the sanrio ceo: "berry is violin" shut up if youve seen the stuff kuromi circa 2006 used to do youd hurl

also i dont think wallet status has ever been mentioned about these guys... in any media/franchise. they live in an abandoned looking mansion for the halloween aesthetic, not because of money. i can believe 'obsessed with money' but not 'poor'

hoping its either just google mistranslations or some recent developments ive been blissfully unaware of

>cinnamon

>her

its mistranslations. also this is personal headcanoning time based on how often the confusion happens but man you cant do this to cinnamon notorious trans man icon cinnamon. if he doesnt mind it then ill mind it for him djkhfdksj 'cherry is competitive and selfish' is correct btw this has always been her description. well maybe not competitive but definitely selfish. iirc it was always around "berry is stubborn cherry is selfish and theyre both tsundere" genuinely dont know where violin came from its gotta be a mistranslation on the nuisanse/stubborn aspect. i also dunno where 'weakness is strong-willed girls' came from, it might be talking about his friendship with cherry and how he might given in easier to what she tells him (at least i choose to think so) so i got no comment on it

all the pronouns being mismatched is so funny man come on shjfhdgfdsjvfdsjv is this profile using some sort of neutral language that left google confused as hell?

i. uh? should i be worried about espresso?

this ones... correct? espresso is more of a culture savant than a celebrity.... anyway berry if you kick him out there will be no one there to make you the food you love

nope! its magic and mirror manipulation. pranking is their hobby and favorite pass time but their magic is not limited to just the -its joke- context (sorry to once again quote the worst season ever of OMM, but they both tried to help out bakus family by making a photo of food they had emit scent, so the family would have an easier time eating plain rice. no jokering no jestering no clowning no malicious behavior whatsoever).

i remember being mentioned in older descriptions that berry had some potion making proficiency but they havent focused in that in years so who cares now amirite. i dont remember if cherry had any sort of distinction like this, theyve always overfocused on her crush on espresso :pensive:

"what about cherry"

"who? oh idk write smth about espresso again"

(hobbies include PRANKS, attempting to make friends (a general trait) making music (2018 rankings), having ballroom parties (cinnamon trip!! by oster project) and watching sentai/magical girl anime (onegai my melody). berrys particular hobby is to mess with cinnamon, cherrys particular hobby is to go after espresso. i guess.) (but again most of these are old one offs, and currently unfocused aspects of theirs so. whatever)

also i really would like to know the plans about the alt designs for them that are technically their true form and always show in their shadows and (sometimes?) in mirror reflections. it hasnt been completely dropped but, its never been hard defined either so idk. i guess i feel a bit bummed that its also been attempted to be forgotten to time because (to me feel at least) it feels very obviously based on the episode kuromi turned herself into a human and it could be something they were trying to establish to devil inspired characters back then.

thanks for coming to the lloromannic autism hour its nice to think about something else other than current personal events sometimes

*censorship

[sophieinwonderland]

i swear, i've been called you by SAS like twice. like, SAS, just admit you can't handle the idea of sophie having people liking her more than you /hj

but for real, why do people think you'd send yourself asks? in an entirely different typing style? is it because we agree (not even on everything, sometimes i disagree, and sometimes majorly, but i dont send anon asks about what i dont like bc im not mean about it) and they can't imagine people agreeing with you and not them? idk! guess a random twink in an entirely different US state (i presume at least) is actually secretly sophie i guess. do i get a "secretly SAS" knockoff flag? :D

anyway i think certain anti endos deserve to be ignored and not treated as nice because they THREATEN TO BASH PEOPLES SKULLS IN and use ableist language like 'split personality', but okay. maybe you went a bit too far and terrifyingly threatening, but it's something i kinda understand bc i, too, am angry at sysmeds and fakeclaimers and people who make this community unsafe.

thats why i use anon. im not sophie, but i cant show any primary accs because i am scared to not be on anon.

rambling, anyway. i have mc mods to download. do u like minecraft btw sophie? i found a new mod recently, called switchy, that allows you to have different profiles (with customizable options/modules on what gets saved to the presets like skins and nicknames and sizes on the scale mod tm)! gotta make this ask a positive ramble somehow

I don't know about a flag, but can I can give you this meme instead?😁

Anyway, we don't play Minecraft ourselves. I know, weird right? Modern people who grew up in the 21st century who DON'T play Minecraft? What's wrong with us? 😜

But I just looked the mod up, and it's so awesome that there's a mod made specifically for plural systems! Here's the link for anyone anyone interested!

[spikeinthepunch]

rebrand conflict

idk how to decide what is a good or bad decision in terms of like...wanting to rebrand. i wish i could count back to how long i have used "morrysillusion" overall, i dont have a specific date. but i know after the white/brown antelope/wolf fursona, i think i dropped "moreyytilatot"? i think i tried to just go by "morey" in some form (i recall "princemorry" url). and then i dropped the 'nisovinsillusion' url maybe in early 2016? but i also had the coffini url here for a good while after. i cant remember if i used morrysillusion outside of tumblr around that time so. idk...

and heres the thing-- i dont really feel disconnected from my username, its fine and i think its p cool. but also in my head i keep wanting to change it, and part of that is wanting to claim a super old username i have no bad associations with. and i think part of that is bc of all the ways i am trying to do the things i was denied through my younger years-- so i am just reliving a lot of nice things and recalling the vibes and online trend etc i had. but also like.... attitude? personality wise? i feel like im not reflecting that w my current "brand" so to speak. at the very least if i didnt change my username, i still dont feel like the current look is something i want. i think the urge on the username change is just an additional feeling to push away from what i have been under this name.

the username i keep wanting to fall back to is 'spikeinthepunch/spikedpunch' (had the short one on xboxlive and the long one on deviantart) which was a short lived username but has no negative relations to anything, and i wished i kept it for a bit longer. and its kind of an edgy username lol. but in my recent years of growing as an adult, moving out, and being my own person, i feel soooo different than how my accounts have been presenting me. i guess ive been like soft, simple, and stiff in presentation? i think i fell into this when i was thinking id keep doing art commissions etc in a "professional" way, and especially bc i was doing my CN internship around then and wanted to still look presentable for the industry when looking for jobs. and while i certainly would love to work in the creative industry potentially, i obviously dont need to keep up that Normal-er image, i never should have, but also at that age and time i didnt feel like i could be that way at all. i was far more nervous of people interpreting me badly, negatively, etc if i was more edgy or mature. i was young and not dealing with my issues and so fixated on trauma etc.

this is also lining up w my plans to rework my website too. and i think a lot of this feeling also comes along w my "mascot" who i think is lovely! but him being a "mascot" makes him.... very detached from me as a person. i havent had any sonas to relate to in almost over a year... and my mascot was never meant to be a sona, just a Guy to represent my vibe (the colors, aliens) and social media appearance. and i guess i dont like that vibe anymore. i havent even felt all too into the shift i made to Mikike just having a vague spacesuit either, i felt i was just forcing that in order to fit the simple minecraft skin format for readability. (if people were to draw my skin, making it plantigrade and less animal would be easier)

and of course an additional observation i have had in more recent times are manic episodes that make me uproot parts of my life and change a lot of stuff about my identity etc. it may not seem like that happens online but its bc i manage to hold back on changing things abt my online branding lol- but it often results in making sideblogs for whatever new fandom/media i attached to in my episode and irl changing my entire appearance to fit and much more (and promptly drop both in about a month or so- its why i have so many abandoned sideblogs). this is obviously the bigger issue bc its what makes it Very hard for me to not do this (n yes i am in a bit of an episode rn despite my medication so...). and shocker, so many of my username/url changes and failure to ever keep one long enough to form an identity is related to that as well! its a surprise i havent done it in years but it was the expectation to stay with one identity, one look, in order to be Normal and recognized in a professional way, and i dont like that.

making this post and dumping thoughts has me thinking on a solution. as i said i dont really feel detached from my username. but what i dont relate to the most now is the way i feel i have gotten stuck in presenting myself online, and as a "brand". i want to toss out my color scheme, my mascot, my outward attitude. i want to let myself actually present in a way i like and not in a way that feels "clean". when my wcrp got shut down i had to come to the idea of acceptance and letting go of things i cannot control. and the reality of what truly doesnt matter in terms of what people may think of me. that was a huge pressure left on me for YEARS thanks to 2014-16 tumblr mindset and it is so so much harder to break esp if you want to try and be a creator and build an audience. i felt like i had become aware of this, and i have, but i didnt really click the fact that i wasnt into my current online presence bc i was still living with a piece of that era.. the fear of getting popular and being 'called out' for something for years ago, that wasnt even serious or bad, feeling like i was stepping carefully everywhere even when nothing was wrong. this doesnt entirely tie to WHY i want to do all the above. its just an observation on one of the things that hold me back too. just staying the same and staying safe. i hardly ever post, and while its something i chose to do its also a 'bonus' to not giving people much things to read off of me and assume from too.

this is getting too long and i think i have my point. idk what im gonna do but im thinking a lot abt how i should take control of my online life.

[my-lunaberg]

Ohhhhh this is reminding me of this great c!Sam analysis i read on here hopefully I can find it again sometime, which basically said that Sam does a lot of immoral things while also wanting to be just and in the right more than anything else. I was reminded of it bc when I read that I immediately thought it had something to do with a need for validation (and maybe to a certain extend a need for affection?) and it really jumped out during this january 31st 2022 vod because Sam keeps trying to reassure himself that hes not an idiot and once Dream arrives he starts looking to him to reassure him of that. I should say that I dont think that has anything to do with Dream specifically, I think its just because hes the only person who could visit him and hes otherwise completely isolated

Also, like with Tommy during their most recent confrontation, Dream seems to be trying a lot less to actually manipulate Sam into liking him and treating him like a friend that you cant disobey at all costs because otherwise he'll threaten you with eternal torture and is focusing more on just tormenting him. To compare this to Tommys exile, on the very first day Dream was just insulting Tommy but then he immediately went over to being all nice and trying to befriend him (while also yknow, blowing up his stuff), but here he insults Sam on day one and keeps doing it on day two, although he has thrown him a crumb or two on both days. Its too eaely to really tell right now, but this is either him realizing his mistake and trying to change his strategy a bit or him being sloppier because he stopped caring. In case you couldnt tell, Im very much tending toward that last option. I think those few crumbs of "positivity" are either him wanting to deliberately torment Sam more by giving him these little crumbs of goodness which contrast against the torment and make it all the more pronounced, or him just kinda being in the habit of manipulating people and doing stuff like this almost reflexively. One of the many reasons why I like c!Dream so much and why I can get quite defensive and upset about other people disliking and/or misintrepreting him is that I relate to him a lot especially his manipulative tendencies bc I can also be quite shitty and manipulative at times, so like, Ive been there lol. Once you have this habit of attempting to manipulate people into doing what you want, its kinda hard to stop even when manipulating someone isnt even your goal. This is pretty complex and hard to explain but for me its that I often have to concentrate to not do it when Im around adults in particular, because my manipulative tendencies mostly 'come out' when Im in situations that upset me and that I want to leave and most of those involve adults. I would imagine Dream has a similar thing, except instead of his "trigger" being Having To Talk To Adults its like, Being Presented With Someone Vulnerable. Dont really know if that makes a whole lot of sense, I'll probably do a really long c!Dream character analysis once I finish the series where I might try to elaborate on these points/explain them more succinctly

Also Idk, Im not that far into it yet but Im noticing a fixation on trying to get Sam to admit that he was wrong and/or a hypocrite. i dont really have anything to say about that right now but I did think it was interesting. To kinda tie it back into my point about Sam wanting validation and to be seen as just, i guess Sam admitting it was wrong of him to imprison Dream or that hes a hypocrite for imprisoning him could signal him getting malleable/harmless and, since Sam would have to admit it to himself before admitting it to Dream it might damage his mental health a fair bit

[quatregats]

orchid, cactus, chamomile, papyrus <3

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

Cant de batre Pepgimenobotifarra my beloved <333

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

Ooof definitely too many things...I've been going down a rabbit hole of 18th-early 19th century Catalan history recently so I guess that's the most prominent thing. (I may or may not have designed myself a reading list centered around Stephen Maturin sfhdjskfs)

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?

I love getting things that were made by my friends or like very intentionally chosen, even if they're not nice/expensive/things I was looking for. For me the point of gifts is kind of to show a person that you matter to them, and I feel like they can't just be one-sided (i.e., thing that I, the receiver, want, but which has no significance to the giver). They have to show something about your relationship, that's what makes them so fun to get <3 (idk if that makes sense but tl;dr I'm not picky about what the things are, I just want them to matter to the giver)

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

OH. THIS SONG.

This song is just so full of emotion, it's beautiful and sad and yet oddly joyful, idk how to describe it really. It's a musicalization of a Tennyson poem. It's on here because I put it in a playlist for a somewhat depressing fic I was working on lol

Milesker galderengatik <3333333

[so0ppa]

hiiiiii. your art style is so cool and inspires me a whole lot.. i really like the way you draw faces and hair !! idk i just. have never seen an art style like yours before. there's something really unique about it. i also love the pencil brush you use. and your painting style is cool too!!!! it looks so nice and its bright in a good way. idk i just. love your art bjasjhdasjh. it makes me happy whenever you post it. im not sure how to word all of this sorry if this sounds weird……. what inspired your art style btw? :3 (if you were inspired by anything at all.)

hallo thanksz youu nonnie i appreciate all the compliments though i cant respond to much of it since im . bad at taking compliments. (like idk to me my art is just a pretty generic mish between cartoony western comics and anime (specifically like french "anime" iykwim) but yk to each their own and such i dont need to understand something to appreciate it)

and uh there's like no way to know what ive been inspired by as i have been drawing since forever and i dont have good memory past like a year or so back ... but ehh ill list off art i like and want to study/artists i find admirable and would like to be more like at this particular point i guess?

one piece anime (up to the major style change after time skip, tho the art for fan letter and the most recent arcs has been good from what ive seen), dunmeshi manga, witch hat atelier manga (havent read much of yet), drawfee (all 4 hosts lol), @/huyandere, @/toydrill, @/otrebot, @/stil-lindigo, @/flandrepudding, @/ottororin, @/temporal-garbage

and thats most i can think of off the top of my head lol.. um hope this isnt an overall disappointing answer idk.

[grapecaseschoices]

Hey!! So...aah, author of Neon//Byte here. I'm coming here because back when I was posting you were like, the nicest person ever about my WIP and I always remembered you. I feel like I wanna explain some things I guess??? Sorry if this is super weird I just saw your post recently about N//B.

So basically...I got run off Tumblr pretty hard last year. Like almost literal pitchforks and torches LOL. I was super new back on the internet after a long stint of not even having a Facebook (big social anxiety issues). So when I used AI art to generate pics of my characters I didn't realise that AI was considered super shitty. I'd already posted all my character intros when I started getting floods of anonymous messages that were just reallyyyyyy fucking mean. And I guess I have thin skin from not being used to social media so it got to me bad.

I didn't know what to do because I'd already made the posts and people had reblogged so I just kinda dipped in a panic. I was ALWAYS planning on saving money up to find an artist to draw the characters but after that I couldn't even look at my WIP for months tbh. I'd pretty much given up on it.

But now...idk it's still really stuck in my head and it's something I wanna do so bad! I've had some new ideas over the months so it's not exactly the same but yeah...it's coming back??? Slowly because I don't wanna throw myself back into it and get overwhelmed but ohmygod you were always so nice and supportive and it's not an exaggeration to say your post last week made me feel like I could maybe do this again.

So yeah!! Thank you...SO MUCH. And I'll be making a Tumblr again in the next couple weeks hopefully so eeee, things are happening again<3

i thought eating breakfast would make me know what to say but i am still just !!!!!!!!!! about this four hours after first seeing this.

i had heard about what happened and i kind of also figured too. i am sorry people did that to you. some people just love being angry. i get the A.I. situation is complicated but not everyone understands [heck, I'VE been on the internet for a minute and I still don't fully know how to feel about it in certain respects]. but i am so glad it didn't permanently crush your spirit/didn't do lasting damage [i'm assuming! and not at all judging if it did. because internet bullying is no joke. it takes such another level of viciousness. and social anxiety is a difficult rock to push uphill.]

selfishly, i'm really fucking excited that it's coming back. but as a fellow creator of ocs, i know the feeling of losing something you were so passionate about/not being able to see it through STINKS so i am glad the vibes and inspiration have returned!!!

but please do not push yourself. as much as i loved seeing your thoughts behind the process, i'd be fine if you decided to just drop the end result and be like 'peace bitches' or whatever is most comfortable for you!

and thank you for reaching out because this really and truly brightened my morning. i cant stop smiling when i think of this message!

[videostak]

didnt end up watching lovers live cause i ended up watchig almost famous w/ my sister it was alright u kno like meh one of those 70s nostalgia movies that kinda annoy me. like that and dazed n confused type stuff rly annoy me. philip seymour hoffman as lester bangs was v cool tho lol. like idk felt appropriate casting. the rest of the movie was like alright not bad but u kno it bieng autobiographical makes u kinda want more but also knowing that its restrained a lot by being a safe type autobiographical movie u kno. wathcing it tho makes me think abt my life and music and where i should be or where i should go hmmm. like that record store just straight up hired me w/ no experience or anything just cause ppl here have such dogshit taste that the stuff i was selling made me seem really cultured lol. and i dont even kno if ill be able to get a job at the store downtown cause i realized that i probably didnt get it the first time cause theres like. no contemporary music i listen to. I just theres nothing i feel worht listening toooo idk stuff ill be like oh tahts cool but really think they didnt give it to me back then cause like i didnt say much abt new music and to be bleak abt the current music scene would def be a red flag for them like to be truthful lol. like that and i listed tons of freakout shit like brotzmann no wave  minimalism etc lolll. thought like itd make me look real smart but realized it just made them think to not put me behind the register lol. anyways thats prooobably why i didnt get it tho honestly they couldve just already decided not to give it to me from the start since it was a interview i got from a ex friends friend so like couldve just all been a formality. another reason is i had mentioned recently getting the stones first album on cd and the interviewer wass like “u just started listening to the stones?” and i was like ya basically LOL so that also probably cost me the job lol... which is funny cause now im like a huge rolling stnes fan tbh like just rly totally understand why theyre as popilar as they are and like v much will praise the stones over stuff like led zeppelin n stuff lol wel i guuess that isnt sayying tooo much since i rly have a tolerate/hate relationship w/ music like zep and who. anyways if i do apply again im gonna try to list new artists even if its shit i dont actually listen to like honestly rn just thinking ummm harry styles,tennis,beach house,black midi, death grips, sophie, maybe some more. of the ones there i only actually have listenend to tennis black midi death grips and sophie. but gotta have a list like that just so they think i listen to contemporary stuff even tho i dont :P just like b4 i thought there were nice bands and there are nice artists like sophie for sure is up there but like kinda become disenchanted w/ so many modern groups just knowing who theyre shamelessly ripping off u kno like every modern indie artist doing a stephen malkmus type voice/delivery or sounding like a bad cocteau twins parody or like if mbv were muzak. u knooooo. but i obv cant say that cause like. the new stuff is what sells and what they have to be savvy on since its like u kno theyre selling that new. wiiiish i could be in some positiion where i could state my opinion and get paid and be honest and ppl respect me. i guess thats the point of a journalist but obv writing articles abt how much shit sucks and why u should only listen to real artists like the stooges or the nutty squirrels and stuff w/ real deep actual depth that are actually saying/doing something like the b52s or cluster isnt something that is like contemporary -_- liiike idk just need tooo make some money i guess but i think its insane when ppl acknowledge my personality and opinions so im like i should exist on that alone lol. even w/in the time that i got rejected for that job ive listened to so much more and could genuinely add more to that list even tho i get into music at a snails pace. like b4 i just put dub on the application but now ive truly heard more reggae and could just list both reggae/dub together instead of just dub. sucks tho appplying knowing they rly dont care abt music or passion and just need someone who knows whats goin on w/ t swift n harry styles T-T they should hire me cause i see visions of god when listening to einstein on the beach very loud and focusing on the flute

[darlingpwease]

this is some kind of villain era

Then behold!! /j

I thought it was obvious,

I didn't know who you were talking about tbh :')

the spirit that lures travelers

a good role model for them

Asbidnsbsjs break, I need a break- DOVE, goodness please watch what you say! I can't handle it </3 /pos

I'd lure them in? Oh, dear you have the most intoxicating mouth, that I think it would be the other way around!! /pos /super pos

(〃^∇^)ﾉ kisses and bites for you~~ <33

For who I bite/who bites I feel like it depends on how close I feel to them??

With kisses, it's like warm little stamps of affection, but with bites it's more like a claim. They feel more personal, I guess?? Does that make sense??

I want to eventually find someone that I can share that "bite bond" (idfk) with, like a strong security I guess??

I do agree with you though, bites do express a range of emotions, especially ones that kisses dont. If I bite someone, or vice-versa, I think it'd be amazing (duh, lol) but only after a proper form of trust, I guess???

Kisses feel more romantic, and bites feel more raw- does that make sense??? Idk if that make sense.

I genuinely have no clue if I'm making sense, I've never talked about bites/kisses before lmao but because they're both affectionate, I think that's why I like 'em.

wow food!!!

I've got a majority of it down, but it's already around 2k words which is way WAY more than I thought, so i can send a shortened version if you'd like, Dove :))

I want to invite you to read it if you're interested,,,,

YES YES YES PLEASE, finished or not I'd love it omgomg I love that post sm, I'd love to hear some more on it!!!!

tentacle is always good,,,,,, and slimes,,,,,,,,

I literally love ur mind 🛐

wait, but you recently told me that enough...

OH NY GOD I JUST SHOT MYSELF IN YHE FOOT WITH THAT ONE IM SORRY

You're enough, but I just can't help but want more than enough

I guess? /pos

I CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT OMG IM SO SORRY

-panna cotta

noOOOOOOOO you should have said "sorry I'm naughty panna cotta, I won't be like that anymore, I won't be the most teasing"!!! you shouldn't get benefits!!! you shouldn't be so obviously enjoying the villain era!!! uuuuuuuu /j

that's it, panna cotta can no longer be stopped, now everyone is for themselves </3333 /j /pos

I'm not teasing you, honey </3 I realize it probably didn't sound obvious; before that there was a context about yuuta & toge and then I start talking about something else, of course it was confusing </33 you're good, sweetest, I'm just poking your cheek <3 /hj /affectionate

nice try — but these schemes don't work on me anymore!!! I was mentally prepared for the fact that there would be a trap here!!! was ready for you to use your charms!!! will stand!!!

scrumptious panettone, I believe you're luring them. look at you. when you're charming — not teasing — it's impossible for others to resist you. the sweetest bun. I wouldn't be able to resist, to be honest. /hj /pos

I'm telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth <3 you keep sounding like a sweet-voiced siren through <33 or kitsune /t /poa

yes!!! I agree with you. kisses are more romantic and they are easier to express the range of emotions that bites can express only in certain conditions — while kisses can express almost everything.

and if in reality they sound kind of good, then when I write, they sound too romantic, you know? even if I love romance, talking about someone that you kiss them, actually kissing and writing about them kissing is different. you're kissable, and when I say it, I mean it in a good way — but when it's a character kissing, I feel like I'm cooling off </3 they just usually don't answer my needs unless they are a resolution or promotion tool (you know, first kiss, reconciliation kiss and all that)

but!!! I still agree that they are very tender and sweet. they sound like more loving and restrained than bites <3 no one kisses from aggression or in an attempt to defend themselves, but when they can't say what they feel. it's more personal and binding <333

mmm, am I your first for a kissing/biting discussion? what an honor <333 /hj /pos

you can't tease and then offer a short version </333 all!!! gimme all food!!! all!!! /pos; no pressure </3

I'm glad we're on the same page, honey <333 slimes and tentacles are good things <33

... okay, you sound as smooth and good as the original panna cotta, so I'll believe it's just a "misunderstanding", but I'm watching you </3333 /j

dear, gosh, and after that you accuse me of sweetness??? I would blush if I could; charmant panettone shsgdhdghd </3333 'more than enough ' skshjkekejd come here I'll kiss your face prettyfull sly fox </3333 /affectionate /hj

here honey <3 [word docx]

× not all the warnings that are indicated are actually in the text — I write them first and only then the text to roughly imagine what I will write.

[becauseplot]

Hohh wednesdays are busy for me so that + brainfog tuesday + physics hell = lots of Things needed to happen yesterday, but im back :D

Ehehehhehe more Factorial fic for me to chew on. Even if I have no idea what's going on I'm sure I'll like it for at least the writing.

Love my gel pens so so so much. Love using them up completely to write. When I was in middle school, I was gifted one of those big ol pen packs of like forty fuckmillion cheap gel pens in every color imaginable, and I burned through them so fast while writing. I kept them all in the bottom of my backpack and the collection grew to the point where I could just pull out a literal fistful of used-up gel pens going like ":D" to weird out my friends.

Oof sorry you're under the weather. Hope you get to feeling better soon :( And yeah goddamn your sister to reiterate I am scared of her but she sounds awesome. I've got an older brother who is also very cool---headstrong guy, which both helps and hurts him lol. He's trying to become a bartender and honestly, it sounds like the perfect job for him. He's very personable and just loves to talk to people and get to know them, and bartending would be the perfect job for someone who just loves to People.

Tbh it wasn't until more recently that I could say that my brother and I are friends. We argued a lot as kids and then for a good number of years he was just...kinda someone who lived in the same house as me. And then. Idk I guess somewhere between me going off to school and both of us individually working/going through some Stuff we finally got to know each other? And he's like, actually my friend now. And last year he made it clear that he truthfully, genuinely cares for me and will be there for me and ueueuueueue 0(-( I've never really had anyone in my corner like that before. Like my parents are great and I love em to bits and I've had some amazing close friends, but there are some things that you cant tell your parents and there are some things your friends cant help you with, ya kno? (URGHH im getting choked up thinking about this /pos thinking of my brother as my friend still feels so surreal to me.)

Also he's a poet! And like a really fucking good poet holy shit. Like I knew he loved songwriting for a while and had performed at slam poetry nights but I didn't realize how good he was until he performed one of his pieces for us at a family function and I was. Floored. We talk about writing and word choice on occasion and most of our texting conversations consist of funny posts we send each other. It's nice.

Ghost child getting a gentle ending this is all I wanted for him <3

Ohhh chaos! There is a lot going on there, really looks like everyone is scattered trying to get a handle on the situation, ohh absolute nightmare. The detail of Pac with the Doctor who is armed is suchhhh a good one. Really illustrates their dire situation, where the person who heals is forced to take up arms. Traditional war says "honor code---don't kill the medics, leave the wounded alone" but this war does not give a shit about any of that. (which happens irl. which makes this feel very, very, very human despite the nature of their circumstances.) (or perhaps it is because of the nature of their circumstances.) (i remember watching a bit of a show abt an alien invasion starting in different locations all over the world, and at some point an American soldier, a man from an invaded middle-eastern town, and the man's family were driving away in a car having escaped the aliens for now, and the American soldier commented to the man about how the man's wife and children in the back seat seemed relatively calm despite Everything that had happened and Everything they had seen because, you know, alien invasion. and the man replied that this is hardly the first time that they've been "invaded" by "aliens". and i think about that a lot.)

Archivists so beloved fr. You're right about Cellbit having to take care of Phil, it's so interesting watching Cellbit have this borderline identity crisis about if he's a "good man" or if he's actually capable of being gentle and using his hands to heal instead of hurt while he's like actively wrapping bandages and helping Phil. and Phil is just sitting there like "awww yeah Cellbit my trustworthy friend my friend whom i trust i put my life in your hands because i trust you yesyes". On the other way around, Phil---always has food on hand, values sleep, health potions up the wazoo when he can get his hands on 'em---taking care of Cellbit---lives primarily off of coffee, sleep is a naught but a distant memory, most likely got a deep-seeded walk-it-off complex from his time in the war---also has potential. late night in the Order Phil looking at Cellbit walking in looking half-dead and Phil asking him if he's alright and wrestling out of Cellbit the fact that Cellbit hasn't eaten yet and hasn't slept in however many fuckin days, Phil staring at him like "damn bitch you live like this?? go to BED man holy shit" Alternatively, Phil sees Cellbit is doing badly but Cellbit brushes it off until Phil mentions he left something in the other room and Cellbit's like "oh i got it" and stands up from the table a little too fast and [WINDOWS SHUTDOWN NOISE]. (<-this has been living in my head for too long i just gotta string some more coherent plot along w it) I'm more silly with them tbh but they live in my head. Cellbit regaining conscious to Phil being like "yeah i think youre done for the night mate" and Cellbit being like "idk what youre talking about im literally awake now i didnt even hit my head" "because i caught you dumbass" "look im good i promise, we can keep going" and Phil giving him a Look "...im messaging Roier" "no, wait--"

Just,,, thinking about pre-purgatory and both of their histories, Cellbit growing up in a warzone and Phil's nebulous "survivalist" background. They both push themselves but Cellbit is terribly self-destructive with it. Phil, having lived a long life, knows better how to pace himself and take the breaks when he can so he can be prepared for when shit really hits the fan, meanwhile Cellbit over here trying to brute force his way through an ongoing crisis, soldier on, fight or die run or die kill or die, it's always the worst case scenario. And Phil looking at him and thinking, "Does he know he doesn't have to give 100% all the damn time? Does he know that's not how you survive a crisis?" Little does Phil know that surviving the crisis is not always part of Cellbit's plans. Idk chewing on them.

The ingredients for an Archivists AU/fic are still on the counter I just gotta get them organized into something coherent and then I can tell you more. But the idea that it'll center around is "Marginal acquaintances forced to work together because reality is being weird and there is Something Going On and no one seems to notice it but them." (Issue: I don't typically write mystery like at all. If I ever write it, it will be Difficult.)

Yeah time with friends! My pre-uni friends are by far my closest ones. I don't rly have anyone that I'm close to here at university (making friends here is. hard. and. still an ongoing process.) so I'm looking forward to spending time w them.

They deserve ALL of the blankets and hot chocolate and X-factor on the couch. The world hurts them enough :(((

Ohhh Duchess sounds interesting :0 by "your NPC" do you mean you played her or you just wrote her or both? Just to be clear lmao im curious.

Really sucks not being able to study archeology bc shit health :( but at least that corpse knowledge is being put to good use.

Tbh I don't ever watch reality TV. Like, ever, I hate it, it's boring. However, during finals week last semester, between study sessions and exams one of my roommates would watch Hell's Kitchen and I'd drop in every now and then and watch some of it with her and we'd laugh at how dramatic it was and how shitty the contestants were to each other and cuss out the assholes. Loads of fun.

God I love hugs too. Absolute horseshit that your health prevents you from getting one >:/ I haven't had a hug from a friend in *googles* 67 days. When I see my friends during spring break I am going to full-body tackle one of them and force them to just lay on the couch w me. Gonna take a nap on them. They won't move bc that would make me sad and they wouldn't want to do that because then I'll revoke their kneecap privileges :>

I know nothing about Pokemon but I trust your process :thumbsup: Man idek what videogames i played as a kid lmao what did i even do? I think i just played Minecraft, Kirby Mass Attack, Mario Kart, and various Mario Bros games on loop. Much much much later I just played Breath of the Wild over and over and over and over. Hence my well-loved but currently abandoned botw au(s).

Adding Eric's Song to the list! Epic. Shooting one back at you: How Far We've Come by Matchbox 20. My personal end-credits song tbh. Makes me insane. I took an Apocalyptic Literature class (ALSO an incredible class with an incredible prof) and it gave me a new appreciation for it.

finished ep 10 of osnf (long post under the cut oh lord)

crying sobbing kicking over chairs screaming CELLBIT IS AN EVIL EVIL MAN WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. FOR WHAT REASON. POR CUAL RAZÓN. LO ODIO. <-said with the utmost adoration and respect of a writer but the fury of a fan who just had to endure all of that my hearttttt 0(-(

god fuck i have thoughts and feelings regarding episode 10 of osnf. obviously. i don't even know how to start.

okay. first of all the way that he was able to orchestrate the like 57839 different POVs of the nightmare happening at the same time was actually pretty smooth, all things considered. being able to forcibly mute/deafen the others is a good thing to be able to do yesyes.

second, im losing my mind over how he hides the fact that "it's all a dream" WITHIN the "it's all a dream" trope by having the creatures be manifestations of dreams/guilt in "reality" themselves. idk if i'm making any sense, but like, you get it, right? like, it's the fact that we thought we had already discovered the dream-based deceit in the segment because of what the "Hotelier" told Joui at the start of it, but it turns out that THAT was a red-herring of sorts for the TRUE dream-based deceit, that EVERYTHING was a dream, not just the creatures. god there are fucking layers to this im foaming at the mouth that's soooo good.

i guess that's what makes the "it's all a dream"-style trope present here feel less cliche. because, you know, it is a trope, and it's not really a trope that i'm fond of, but because there's actually more going on, it feels less cheap. what certainly helps is that the fact that it's roleplay, so the reactions from the characters are so much more raw, and there are some irl stakes (character dead = out of the series = can't play anymore). that definitely keeps you on the edge of your seat.

edit: something i forgot to mention—what i dislike abt the “it’s all a dream” trope the most is that it is very easily something that can be so, so cheap. all angst, no stakes or consequences, no lasting impact on the plot on the characters. however, not only is there a “physical” impact via several characters losing SHITLOADS of sanity (something not easily recovered) but we get to see a little more into the psyche of the characters. which i suppose is often the point of the “it’s all a dream” segments, but this dream—one with a lot of references to past major character death and itself contains major character death—rings especially true for the themes of the series: the world they live in is dangerous, and the work they do is lethal. people have and will die. and they do and will feel guilty, reguardless if they are at fault. it’s not a horrifying death dream just for the sake of being a death dream, it feels grounded in their reality, and i love that.

third, man he did not hold back. when Arthur was being beaten to a pulp by not!Brúlio, i was actually in shock, i was screaming. plus, i think the fact that Cellbit rolled a 001 when not!Brúlio attacked actually helped to hide the fact that this was a dream. it made it look like it was bad luck rather than the segment was designed to kill the characters (well, at least until he revealed that the damage was 1d4+1d6, but i'll get to that later).

gosh the narration of how not!Brúlio killed Arthur. holy shit. i don't. i don't even have words, that is DEVASTATING. that is probably one of the worst ways for a person to go. i know it's a dream but if i were Arthur i would be emotionally fucked up beyond belief. beaten to a bloody pulp by the father who once loved you so much, screaming at you for abandoning him and that it's your fault he died a horrible death. and then he drops your body on the ground like you're nothing but a pile of useless meat. god. damn.

and then Liz. ohhhh Liz. i just. i was devastated. her whole struggle with Alex, the man she treated so horribly. yes it's true the real Alex never would have said these things to you, but how do you know he wasn't thinking it? that he didn't want to? that what not!Alex says doesn't hold some truth? christttt. and of course the way she dies: in complete agony. and did she forgive herself? because, unlike with not!Brúlio, the creature turned into that weird wispy black thing just as she died, and i would assume that means she forgave herself (if those rules even apply considering this was all a result of the parasite's deceit (holy hell my brain is melting i am the man with the hand on the conspiracy board)).

fourth: the 1d4+1d6 thing! when he read that out, i was stunned. that is a LOT of damage considering all of the characters have ~10 HP. with an extreme roll, that's basically an insta-kill, or it's easily a two-hit-kill. i thought Arthur was unlucky, but when Liz also went down, i was---well, devastated, at first, because that's Liz, she's my absolute favorite and i love her, but i started going through all five stages of grief at once, and at some point i arrived at "no that can't be right" because Cellbit is a good writer. and to deliberately construct a scenario where it would be VERY hard for a character to survive while still in the middle of the story? yeah. and yknow the fact that there's still 6 other episodes fhdsjk. (then again the series continues regardless if a character dies and i haven't looked at other episodes' thumbnails or anything like that for this exact reason. so. i was going in as blind as i could reasonably be.)

in any case, realizing and connecting all of this and then hearing the "Hotelier" start yelling at Joui right after Liz died explicitly blaming him for it sealed it for me: this is a trick of some sort. this is a dream sequence of some sort. these aren't real deaths. (a smaller part of me was still scared that they were real because i know that Cellbit does not shy away from killing off his players' characters, if op and opq are anything to go by. but i digress.)

and then the characters turned to black goo. and i just about threw my computer. rip Luba who got absolutely targeted by the GM lmfao.

anyway uhhh that's about it regarding the dream sequence! loving luzidius!joui and how he just keeps switching back and forth. ((and it further supports my little side-theory that the mysterious blond woman last seen with Team Kelvin was a luzidious we win these.)) i was surprised to see Liz thinking it was so cool when she's been so suspicious of everything in Santo Berco since she got here, but i think she could definitely be using it as a distraction from what she just went through, and honestly she's just happy to see Joui is okay. (the way she gave on up words and just hugged him, the way she held his face in her hands, the way she dragged him down the hall to show Thiago and Thiago was just telling her to fuck off (/aff) because he was getting dressed, my heartttt i love these three, mentor-mentee dynamics my fucking beloved)

also new outfits! sweet! istg the new outfits are so Cellbit's way of apologizing for putting his friends through that. "hey sorry i killed your character in the most emotionally devastating way possible it will happen again wOAH LOOK AT THESE NEW CLOTHES AREN'T THEY SO COOL YOU SHOULD TRY THEM ON!!!"

i've been having mixed feelings about the sudden setting/genre change since the group arrived in Santo Berco. i really, really loved the urban horror-fantasy vibe that they had going on in op and the first 8 eps of osnf, but evidently, this is good as well. the genre is most definitely still horror yippee. i definitely miss the urban-modern setting, but i think i can get adjusted to this. (i'm just,,, not the biggest fan of the auto-heal crystals im sorry i had to say it they feel too op i know their use is limited to visiting the doctor but knowing they exist lowers the in-world stakes for me im sorry---)

anyway, ep 10! you beautiful monster! i have been typing for an hour! i need to go eat food! k bye!