#i cant make this looks nice recently idk what it is i guess i just need to make more to get it together

[agustd3]

SUGA x VALENTINO x Marie Claire Korea behind the scenes

[my-thirteenth-reason]

kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)

[crazysodomite]

finally gonna answer that asks thingg. long post

3. your favorite piece(s)?

i really, truly fell off since making these 😭😭😭😭 im honestly not even confident i could create something of this quality ever again #felloff

these older portraits also just go to show how much i fell off. lol 😭😭

i like some of my newer art but its nothing to really write home about. my art has become more self-indulgent compared to squeezing the most 'skill' and 'detalization' out of each piece. i think in the end the process makes me happier (?) but i don't the same pride as looking at some of my older art. to be fair i also spend far less time on art compared to spending like 20 hours straight or days on a piece. frankly im not even sure i could replicate my old pipeline anymore and replicate my skill <- because i fell off!

i cope with the fact i fell off by saying 'im just exploring my own unique artistic vision' <- words from a guy who is simply not that good anymore

4. piece you wish got more love?

idkkk i dont really pay attention to numbers. i only really care/look at comments. i want more taur fans to follow me and talk me about taurs.

7. easiest thing for you to draw?

furries and creatures

8. thing you struggle to draw?

human faces.... this is sad because humans can be so diverse and interesting to draw but personally every time i draw a human it just looks incredibly ugly and bad (unless heavily stylized and simplified) and i just don't enjoy it as much as furries animals creatures monsters etc.

11. do you listen to anything while drawing?

yes... for my own detriment. especially when i dissociate i just turn on something in the background to 'help me focus' but idk if it actually helps me focus or just makes the dissociation more comfortable

13. talk about a wip you like!

i cant show you but it's a piece with lace and hornet (hollow knight)... i think i actually have a lot of wips with angels actually but i dont wanaaa show anybody

14. whats your favorite thing about drawing?

i dont know. gets scared. i enjoy feling proud and enjoying the final product. recently i also enjoy just drawing bodies and forms and volume. the process of 'god this looks like dogshit' going to 'i actually like this :)' or 'i love this and im proud of this' (if im lucky) is very enjoyable.

17. what is something youre confident about in your art?

i dont knowwwwwwww.... im gonna say im confident about something and someones gonna just tell me that im actually really bad at it. i think maybe volume and 'ambient occlusion' !?

21. what do you think your artstyle would taste like? I dont knowww.... from what people say it would be gummies or candies. but tbh that's just my more 'cutesy' art. i contain multitudes. some of my art probably tastes like dirt from the ground at a factory.

22. do you have a favorite color palette to work with?

i pretty much use these colors (for some reason i rarely use green or yellow. the circled colors are especially common. looking at my art it's a lot of purple, pink, blue, red, some oranges. idk why i gravitate to purple so much. i guess i just like red and blue a lot and ourple is a nice middle ground

(and this doesnt mean i dont like green or yellow my immediate reaction to drawing a creature is just making it these colors. for some reason)

24. whats a compliment about your art that has always stuck with you?

I always feel guilty that i dont like. save peoples comments to a folder so i can remember them better (maybe i should do this). i have a bad memory so i can hardly recall what people say word-for-word. I think I'm very humbled and happy when people say that my art has been meaningful to them in some way or helped them or even just made them happy or more willing to explore things about themselves. I also enjoy the 'i look like this and this made me happy' on my art ❤. that's definitely a part of why i enjoy drawing bodies so much. seeing a comment like 'this made me cry because i've never seen a body like mine represented before in a positive way' is really sad honestly and i wish the world wasn't so unfair and cruel man.

25. what size canvas/paper do you use?

i usually use a preset in photoshop for A4 or A3 paper. so about 2000-5000px range

30. whats something youre proud of about your artstyle?

i dont knowwwwwwwww... i think recently i like the way i paint bodies and i've been enjoying the orb heads as a stylistic choice even if some may think its ugly and boring. i also enjoy stylizing body hair. i also also want to adopt a more elaborate brushwork style but idont really know how to do thatttt

34. whats something you still like from your old art?

im just gonna talk about my olllld baby art. i love how innocent and cute and sweet it is. like you can really see my soul was not corrupted by evil yet. sighs

[nowoyas]

koi no yokan 32: damage control (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list 1-30 - M.list 30-60 - Ao3

A/N: yeah if you saw me write "coming next year" and didn't expect me to pull this idk what you were thinking lmao. happy new year here's some koiny to go with your vespertine update!

Summary: News travels fast.

Warnings and tags: Blink-and-you'll-miss-it suicide ideation

Words: 2600

[name] to Fukurodani Group Managers!!! at 16:16

[name]: hi

[name]: I need a council

~

Kiyoko to Fukurodani Group Managers!!! at 18:05

Kiyoko: does this have anything to do with the fact that you and nishinoya haven't been talking for the past week?

Yukie: WHAT

Yukie: WHAT HAPPENED WITH CUTE LIBERO BF

[name]: I cannot beg you more emphatically to not call him my boyfriend right now

Mako: what happened???

Yachi: something's been going on with them recently, but [surname]-chan hasn't really wanted to talk about it

[name]: please

[name]: focus

[name]: I maybe got an actual boyfriend

Eri: you WHAT

Eri: clarification. NOT the libero???

Kiyoko: omfg

Kiyoko: is this why you haven't been talking?

[name]: no

[name]: not like. directly anyway.

[name]: the boyfriend was today after I left practice

Yukie: is he cute

[name]: he's ok i guess

[name]: I dont. know. how i got here

Eri: wait so if you're this like. lukewarm about actual bf. why are you dating him??

[name]: I dont KNOW!

[name]: he asked and I panicked and I'm trying to figure out how tf i got here and im spiraling

[name]: noya doesnt need this right now

[name]: i keep trying to get myself to text asuka-san and tell him im soryy i dont know why i said yes and i cant do it but every time i try i just fully blank

[name]: he was like. an acquaintance maybe a friend

[name]: hes kinda the only person ive been able to talk to since stuff started happening with noya

[name]: uh no offense yacchan + shimizu-senpai

[name]: just like. the only one not somehow involved with the club and who didn't know noya and who could just like. listen from outside.

[name]: i guess he's nice???

[name]: he plays baseball

Mako: the fact that you're not excited about the new boyfriend and the only thing you're worried about is libero boy is a really good sign that you are not in the right relationship

[name]: ive had like three panic attacks since i texted earlier and i think i might have another here in a second

[name]: you know what's funny?

[name]: hes a catcher. he's basically just a fucking. baseball libero bc my life is a joke

Kaori: ok i'm here now. what the fuck

Kaori: break up with baseball boy

Kaori: but also we're missing key context here. why were you not talking to libero?

[name]: its so stupid

[name]: he's been going through some stuff recently

[name]: so we were like. eating lunch together. bc I figured the other guys wouldn't question it if he dipped on them to eat with me and he really needed to like. stop pretending to be okay for five minutes and just breathe

[name]: it actually concerns me how good he is at making people think nothing is wrong. i don't think i would have noticed if i didn't know already

Yachi: wait soimething happened???

Yachi: *something

[name]: the story's not really my place to talk about. also i only know like half of it. please also do not mention this part to anyone else for obvious reasons.

[name]: and like. we were having fun and things were good. he was flirting which he does and almost kinda seeming like things WEREN'T blowing up and it was FUN

[name]: and then asuka-san (baseball) shows up looking for me. something about fucking… idk notes or something. we'd been sharing notes from time to time because i felt bad bothering everyone else for notes and i'm only just finally getting my brain completely back from the concussion so I'm basically useless for morning classes

[name]: noya flips out. does that whole protective glaring and growling thing. but it's sorta different when it's someone I know who's literally just trying to keep his science grade up.

[name]: i guess I probably missed some context bc he tried to just like. sit with us after I told him it wasn't a good time and ofc noya's like. hell no.

[name]: asuka-san leaves and he's obviously annoyed and now noya's telling me about how he apparently already KNOWS about him bc his SISTER checked up on him and I shouldn't hang out with him and like

[name]: in hindsight asuka-san was definitely only talking to me because he wanted to go out with me. but??? don't tell me who I can be friends with??? so I told noya he was overstepping and not to do that shit and then we just. stopped talking.

[name]: next thing I know he's canceling on hangouts we already had scheduled and shit starts going bad totally separately and now THIS and

[name]: i dont know what to do

Kiyoko: I think you kinda do?

Yachi: ^

[name]: no but like

[name]: Ive never felt uncomfy with silence with noya before

Kiyoko: no offense I swear but has he EVER been silent off the court???

[name]: he's different when it's just us.

[name]: like… deeply different

[name]: i think maybe if he acted around other people the way he is when it's just us other people would see the appeal immediately and I wouldn't have to worry about this bc he'd have a prettier partner who absolutely adores him

[name]: that aside i don't think i should have to apologize for telling him not to tell me who i can be friends with or talk to

[name]: but this is ripping me the fuck apart

Yachi: yeah, you've been… really obviously not okay this past week

Yachi: sorry

Kiyoko: you should tell him that and tell this asuka guy that you made a mistake

Kiyoko: I keep telling you that nishinoya's different around you and you clearly already know that? he's in love with you and the way you are around him is really telling of the fact that you've got SOME kind of feelings for him

Eri: the guy I saw with you was like. insanely sweet and caring yknow?

Eri: I don't know many guys who'd be that gentle. Our guys are nice but there's nice and then there's… that

Yukie: I have spent my entire life searching for a guy who will hand feed me when I'm not feeling well and that one just did it unprompted

Kaori: I can confirm that that's Yuki-chan's dream

Mako: break up with baseball boy it's not too late

[name]: see but all that's just it!

[name]: this stupid fight aside senpai's basically like. perfect

[name]: he's too perfect for me to ever date him

[name]: someone always has to leave first

[name]: asuka-san's… safe

[name]: whenever that blows up in my face I can survive it

[name]: do you have any idea what it would do to me if I actually got together with senpai and he changed his mind? If he DIED???

[name]: I've watched my dad live in hell for the past two years because the love of his life died

[name]: I'VE lived in hell for the past two years because she died

Yachi: [surname]-chan…

[name]: do you have any idea how close I am to not being able to take it anymore

[name]: if I lost senpai it'd push me over the edge so it's better that I never have him to begin with

[name]: maybe… this is good?

Mako: NO

Kiyoko: first of all I'm sorry about your mom (?) that's horrible

Kiyoko: second of all that is insane logic

Eri: I can't read suddenly

Eri: for a second I thought you just implied that libero is the love of your life and that's why you can't date him

Kaori: addition to insane behavior: "I can't date this guy because I like him too much so instead I'm going to date this guy I don't like that much because I'm planning for all my relationships to fall apart"

[name]: do you know how relationships work

[name]: there's only so many possible endings

[name]: we date and either one of us dies or we break up or we get married and THEN one of us dies or we break up

[name]: no other possible endings. someone always loses someone.

[name]: this is safe and it's good probably

[name]: it'll hurt a lot but it'd hurt more later so

Yachi: why did you ask for a council if you weren't going to listen to what we had to say??

Yachi: omg that came out totaly ewrong I'm sorry

Yachi: *totally **wrong

Yachi: …[surname]-chan?

~

Lunchtime comes and you barely register it. You've spent the day feeling nauseous. Far too nauseous to eat, at any rate. You stare out the window, mentally calculating the distance to the ground. Yachi tried to talk to you once or twice all day, including an apology for something she said in the group chat last night, but you'd shrugged it off. The good news is, you're starting to feel numb.

The bad news comes in the form of a pretty girl's thighs resting on your desk in the corner of your vision.

Satsuki found out fast.

"You wanna tell me why the fuck Hitomi-chan's telling me you got a boyfriend?"

"Genuinely, I do not know who Hitomi-chan is," you reply dully, unable to look at her.

"Asuka's older sister."

"Oh." You shrug. "Probably because I've lost control of my life."

A hand grabs your jaw roughly, jerks you to look into Satsuki's eyes. She softens a little as you stare back at her. "Why are you going out with him?"

"I don't know."

"You realize that Yuu's going to be completely heartbroken?"

You barely manage a nod. "I kept telling him something like this would happen. He refused to listen."

"You could have just told the guy you didn't want to go out with him."

"Sometimes I know something's going to hurt me and everyone I care about and I do it anyway because, quite genuinely, I am not in control."

"Okay, so break up with Asuka."

You shrug. "I think it's safer like this. Noya—Nishinoya would leave me completely destroyed if we ever dated and it didn't work out."

"Oh, don't you start dropping nicknames now, missy."

Another shrug.

"I get you've been through some shit, but—I mean, come on, [name]-chan. Who are you protecting, here? You look like shit."

"I also feel like shit. It gets worse before it gets better."

"So what's the fucking point?"

"You seem really determined to figure out why I'm self-destructing and ruining my life. I think you'd probably need a psych degree to get anywhere productive, though."

Satsuki's eyes narrow. "I'm determined to figure out why you spent a month literally sleeping in my little brother's arms and then started dating some messy baseball player instead."

You could do without the broadcasting. You don't have much energy to try to stop it. "Messy?"

"Three girls last year alone. I tracked them down. Two of them were at the same time, [name]-chan. Even setting aside my obvious bias, he doesn't exactly have a good track record."

���eh. You don't deserve much better.

"…just… look after your brother for me, okay? I know the timing is rough for him, and I'm sorry about that."

"I should fucking hit you for this."

"Do it," you reply with another shrug. "Send me out that window while you're at it."

"[name]-chan."

"Consider all this doing him a favor. I'm fundamentally broken. He deserves someone who can actually be there for him."

"You—augh!" She slams her fist on the desk hard enough to jolt it before hopping off. "I don't know why you're so convinced you're some horrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy, but you need to stop dragging other people into it. Text me when you want to come to your fucking senses."

~

Satsuki to Yuu at 12:52

Satsuki: where are you?

Yuu: why?

Satsuki: where are you

Yuu: 2-4. I'm bothering chikara

Satsuki: stay there. I'm gonna come find you

Yuu: ?

~

"Alright, spill."

Yuu fights the urge to sigh. "Hi, Satsuki. Do I get context now?"

"What happened between the two of you?"

He shrugs. Avoids eye contact. "Can we do this later?"

"No, we can't, and don't shrug at me." Satsuki slams a hand on the desk. "Why is she dating him?"

His blood ices in an instant. Beside him, Ryuu chokes on his lunch. "What?"

"Why. Is she. Dating him."

"Since when? Who said—"

"According to baseball bitch's sister, and as of yesterday."

…shit. He really did fuck this one up.

"What happened between you two? You were fucking glued at the hip before last week, and I know it's not because of the thing."

"I don't wanna talk about it," Yuu mumbles. His voice doesn't really sound like his suddenly.

"Too bad. Talk about it."

"N-Nishinoya-san, maybe you should—"

Satsuki glares harshly at Hisashi. "We're talking. Unless you have insight on the situation, I don't want to hear it."

"We're not talking."

"I talked to her to confirm before I came here, Yuu. She looks fucking miserable. You know what she said when I tried to get answers?"

He's not sure he can handle it. "Don't, Nee-san."

She glares something awful. A lesser man might not have been able to handle it, but Yuu's known Satsuki his whole life and can probably take it if she hits him. He'd probably deserve it, too.

"Fine. But you're coming home tonight, you're not staying at practice obscenely late, and you're talking to us. And if you try to skip out—it's hair night, by the way, so good luck walking around with your hair all fucked up for the next few months if you skip—I'm showing up in that gym and dragging you home. Got it?"

"Sure."

She storms out in a huff. Later, when he's had the time to take it in, he'll probably be angry. Probably break something. Probably snap when Satsuki inevitably drags the story out of him.

For now, Yuu tunes out the world. Ignores the questions from the other second years. Shrugs it off when Tsukishima, of all people, asks him about it before practice. Wades through the day.

~

Noya to [name] at 13:04

Noya: did you seriously start going out with that guy?

Noya: tell me this is one of your tests

[name]: im so sorry [message not sent]

~

The guys know by the end of the day.

Based on the timing of the text you got earlier, you assume Satsuki told Noya and perhaps the other guys, not that you need to know the flow of information. If Satsuki hadn't, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi could have heard from Asuka in class. Yachi or Shimizu could have mentioned it to Noya or to one of the other guys, who would have passed it on. No matter how it happened, the fact is that the guys are looking at you differently now.

You're a heartbreaker, you guess.

There's questions in their eyes. Noya, on the other hand, won't even look at you. You keep your head down and pretend like you're fine. You're not letting relationship drama get in the way of your work as a manager.

You told Noya a thousand times that he'd get hurt chasing you. Maybe now he'll actually believe you.

~

Asuka to [name] at 20:20

Asuka: do you wanna go on a date next weekend? I'd like to take you out if you're down

~

[name] to Asuka at 20:42

[name]: i cant do this [message not sent]

[name]: i'd love to! :) let me know when

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[carmenpeach]

i think i might make a new blog... ive had this one for like 7ish years and i think a clean start could be nice, this one is fulllllll of images and i dont know just feeling weird as i tend to do... ive had a username set aside for like months now that i was gonna change this blog to since its in the same vein of my old neopets username/ username i used to use waaaaaay back when but idk i just get this feeling of like. it would make me feel weird somehow even though its a username that brings me joy. thoughts in my head i cant convey succinctly enough.

i thought up a new username not associated with anything prior and its not taken so maybe soon i will make it. "soon" could be a week or a few months etc. i feel i dont have anything worthwhile to put on a new blog since i havent been drawing and at this rate i dont know when i will. i want to draw sometimes but they dont look good and i dont have passion like i used to. im not as unhealthy as i was a few months back but im nowhere near my average baseline health of like a year ago i guess. trying not to mope about it but also :( and i feel i hardly use this site anyways like i do but i dont. i scroll it for a few min and then leave it for a while to do i guess nothing and repeat. im not really sure what i do all day.

i guess i just dont really like sharing my thoughts anymore even though it used to bring me a lot of joy to have this to just showcase my thoughts so they werent cycling in my head all day and i guess thats what theyve been doing. i did recently get better health insurance so im hoping this will help me like writhe in agony less but its like yeah man ill be real none of my interests or hobbies do anything for me other than bring me down. but i dont think its like over its just rough and my organs hurt and i look different and my brain thinks different and its weird, but im still me even if im the "new" one right

[allbeendonebefore]

I have to ask nutmeg, I have to

Good to see when one is aware of one's branding ;)

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

my bedroom is kind of a mess and will be for the foreseeable future because it's just kind of being used as storage at the moment rather than decorated. I spent the whole holiday monday moving those damn blackout curtains and my mum is still like "wouldn't drapes be better?" like ma i am working with what i already have and can afford and they do not make drapes short enough for those windows and i am no longer in possession of the sewing machine because you all took it back out of province with you aaaaaaaaaaa

but apart from the ugly but lifesaving curtains and half the bookshelves in the house being crammed into my room I try to have a few personal touches (fairy lights, a nice framed star wars poster). Most of the conscious thought goes into my office.

I'd say it's an eclectic mix of sci fi posters and local art (both mine and others) and a bunch of knicknacks both recent and from childhood. It's not so much themed as just a reflection of my life (and i also keep getting edmonton swag).

i SUPPOSE i can show pictures but be warned its mostly just me like "gotta get stuff off the floor" and not much in the way of serious thoughtful design (which requires some money and some talent). There is some feng shui though to try to balance out the "idk what i am doing" chaos.

Office

ft. ted harrison, art by a person who didnt appreciate it so i keep it out of her reach so she cant destroy it, edmonton skyline print

beluga i have had since birth, star trek / wars figurines and some other guys as well as the tops of two out of many degrees

i have been digging all my pins out of storage to put on here plus necklaces and there's all the giant roadside attractions in alberta prints made by nancy nickolson who's art i love

i had books on this shelf for my zoom background to make me look like an intellectual and then the shelves fell on my head once so i decided to move them elsewhere hahahaha so now i just look like a weirdo obsessed with edmonton transit and star trek which is true.

(ignore the stupid hat it was a gift for my dad that he absolutely doesnt want but i dont know what to do with it)

postcards from places i've lived that aren't edmonton featuring art by @en-theos hehehe

some posters including a print from fort edmonton, local art propaganda, and a very kind yelp review printed out and given to me by a frequent houseguest :)

everyone is just jealous of my edmonton swag (and my piles of roasted peanuts for the magpies)

Living Room

moved my nice zoom shelf books (contributed by @randomoranges over here (and you must understand i liked voltron Before the reboot)

there's some dinosaurs my sister painted for me, several matryoshka dolls, some montreal art, kitty cats, and very tiny elgin marbles.

this is like the gay trek/who shelf i guess?? (ignore the calgary flag that's not real)

the star wars shelf (c3po is filled with orange pekoe so that's c3pekoe) and the eclectic plant collection (some of which belongs to @quatschmachen). They're hanging out here because i blacked out my office windows during the heatwave.

i keep getting these model valley line lrts and they have to live SOMEWHERE okay

tbh now that i have many of these i am thinking of rearranging them in rainbow order but i love them sooo much.

I do have piles of art that needs to be framed languishing in drawers and stuff but that's for Later. enjoy :)

[thesugarhole]

sanrio?? hello??

violin* and obsessed with money???? since when??? i mean. alright. i can give the violin to him AND cherry but its like, very barely there violin??

me to the sanrio ceo: "berry is violin" shut up if youve seen the stuff kuromi circa 2006 used to do youd hurl

also i dont think wallet status has ever been mentioned about these guys... in any media/franchise. they live in an abandoned looking mansion for the halloween aesthetic, not because of money. i can believe 'obsessed with money' but not 'poor'

hoping its either just google mistranslations or some recent developments ive been blissfully unaware of

>cinnamon

>her

its mistranslations. also this is personal headcanoning time based on how often the confusion happens but man you cant do this to cinnamon notorious trans man icon cinnamon. if he doesnt mind it then ill mind it for him djkhfdksj 'cherry is competitive and selfish' is correct btw this has always been her description. well maybe not competitive but definitely selfish. iirc it was always around "berry is stubborn cherry is selfish and theyre both tsundere" genuinely dont know where violin came from its gotta be a mistranslation on the nuisanse/stubborn aspect. i also dunno where 'weakness is strong-willed girls' came from, it might be talking about his friendship with cherry and how he might given in easier to what she tells him (at least i choose to think so) so i got no comment on it

all the pronouns being mismatched is so funny man come on shjfhdgfdsjvfdsjv is this profile using some sort of neutral language that left google confused as hell?

i. uh? should i be worried about espresso?

this ones... correct? espresso is more of a culture savant than a celebrity.... anyway berry if you kick him out there will be no one there to make you the food you love

nope! its magic and mirror manipulation. pranking is their hobby and favorite pass time but their magic is not limited to just the -its joke- context (sorry to once again quote the worst season ever of OMM, but they both tried to help out bakus family by making a photo of food they had emit scent, so the family would have an easier time eating plain rice. no jokering no jestering no clowning no malicious behavior whatsoever).

i remember being mentioned in older descriptions that berry had some potion making proficiency but they havent focused in that in years so who cares now amirite. i dont remember if cherry had any sort of distinction like this, theyve always overfocused on her crush on espresso :pensive:

"what about cherry"

"who? oh idk write smth about espresso again"

(hobbies include PRANKS, attempting to make friends (a general trait) making music (2018 rankings), having ballroom parties (cinnamon trip!! by oster project) and watching sentai/magical girl anime (onegai my melody). berrys particular hobby is to mess with cinnamon, cherrys particular hobby is to go after espresso. i guess.) (but again most of these are old one offs, and currently unfocused aspects of theirs so. whatever)

also i really would like to know the plans about the alt designs for them that are technically their true form and always show in their shadows and (sometimes?) in mirror reflections. it hasnt been completely dropped but, its never been hard defined either so idk. i guess i feel a bit bummed that its also been attempted to be forgotten to time because (to me feel at least) it feels very obviously based on the episode kuromi turned herself into a human and it could be something they were trying to establish to devil inspired characters back then.

thanks for coming to the lloromannic autism hour its nice to think about something else other than current personal events sometimes

*censorship

[sophieinwonderland]

i swear, i've been called you by SAS like twice. like, SAS, just admit you can't handle the idea of sophie having people liking her more than you /hj

but for real, why do people think you'd send yourself asks? in an entirely different typing style? is it because we agree (not even on everything, sometimes i disagree, and sometimes majorly, but i dont send anon asks about what i dont like bc im not mean about it) and they can't imagine people agreeing with you and not them? idk! guess a random twink in an entirely different US state (i presume at least) is actually secretly sophie i guess. do i get a "secretly SAS" knockoff flag? :D

anyway i think certain anti endos deserve to be ignored and not treated as nice because they THREATEN TO BASH PEOPLES SKULLS IN and use ableist language like 'split personality', but okay. maybe you went a bit too far and terrifyingly threatening, but it's something i kinda understand bc i, too, am angry at sysmeds and fakeclaimers and people who make this community unsafe.

thats why i use anon. im not sophie, but i cant show any primary accs because i am scared to not be on anon.

rambling, anyway. i have mc mods to download. do u like minecraft btw sophie? i found a new mod recently, called switchy, that allows you to have different profiles (with customizable options/modules on what gets saved to the presets like skins and nicknames and sizes on the scale mod tm)! gotta make this ask a positive ramble somehow

I don't know about a flag, but can I can give you this meme instead?😁

Anyway, we don't play Minecraft ourselves. I know, weird right? Modern people who grew up in the 21st century who DON'T play Minecraft? What's wrong with us? 😜

But I just looked the mod up, and it's so awesome that there's a mod made specifically for plural systems! Here's the link for anyone anyone interested!

[grapecaseschoices]

Hey!! So...aah, author of Neon//Byte here. I'm coming here because back when I was posting you were like, the nicest person ever about my WIP and I always remembered you. I feel like I wanna explain some things I guess??? Sorry if this is super weird I just saw your post recently about N//B.

So basically...I got run off Tumblr pretty hard last year. Like almost literal pitchforks and torches LOL. I was super new back on the internet after a long stint of not even having a Facebook (big social anxiety issues). So when I used AI art to generate pics of my characters I didn't realise that AI was considered super shitty. I'd already posted all my character intros when I started getting floods of anonymous messages that were just reallyyyyyy fucking mean. And I guess I have thin skin from not being used to social media so it got to me bad.

I didn't know what to do because I'd already made the posts and people had reblogged so I just kinda dipped in a panic. I was ALWAYS planning on saving money up to find an artist to draw the characters but after that I couldn't even look at my WIP for months tbh. I'd pretty much given up on it.

But now...idk it's still really stuck in my head and it's something I wanna do so bad! I've had some new ideas over the months so it's not exactly the same but yeah...it's coming back??? Slowly because I don't wanna throw myself back into it and get overwhelmed but ohmygod you were always so nice and supportive and it's not an exaggeration to say your post last week made me feel like I could maybe do this again.

So yeah!! Thank you...SO MUCH. And I'll be making a Tumblr again in the next couple weeks hopefully so eeee, things are happening again<3

i thought eating breakfast would make me know what to say but i am still just !!!!!!!!!! about this four hours after first seeing this.

i had heard about what happened and i kind of also figured too. i am sorry people did that to you. some people just love being angry. i get the A.I. situation is complicated but not everyone understands [heck, I'VE been on the internet for a minute and I still don't fully know how to feel about it in certain respects]. but i am so glad it didn't permanently crush your spirit/didn't do lasting damage [i'm assuming! and not at all judging if it did. because internet bullying is no joke. it takes such another level of viciousness. and social anxiety is a difficult rock to push uphill.]

selfishly, i'm really fucking excited that it's coming back. but as a fellow creator of ocs, i know the feeling of losing something you were so passionate about/not being able to see it through STINKS so i am glad the vibes and inspiration have returned!!!

but please do not push yourself. as much as i loved seeing your thoughts behind the process, i'd be fine if you decided to just drop the end result and be like 'peace bitches' or whatever is most comfortable for you!

and thank you for reaching out because this really and truly brightened my morning. i cant stop smiling when i think of this message!

[my-lunaberg]

Ohhhhh this is reminding me of this great c!Sam analysis i read on here hopefully I can find it again sometime, which basically said that Sam does a lot of immoral things while also wanting to be just and in the right more than anything else. I was reminded of it bc when I read that I immediately thought it had something to do with a need for validation (and maybe to a certain extend a need for affection?) and it really jumped out during this january 31st 2022 vod because Sam keeps trying to reassure himself that hes not an idiot and once Dream arrives he starts looking to him to reassure him of that. I should say that I dont think that has anything to do with Dream specifically, I think its just because hes the only person who could visit him and hes otherwise completely isolated

Also, like with Tommy during their most recent confrontation, Dream seems to be trying a lot less to actually manipulate Sam into liking him and treating him like a friend that you cant disobey at all costs because otherwise he'll threaten you with eternal torture and is focusing more on just tormenting him. To compare this to Tommys exile, on the very first day Dream was just insulting Tommy but then he immediately went over to being all nice and trying to befriend him (while also yknow, blowing up his stuff), but here he insults Sam on day one and keeps doing it on day two, although he has thrown him a crumb or two on both days. Its too eaely to really tell right now, but this is either him realizing his mistake and trying to change his strategy a bit or him being sloppier because he stopped caring. In case you couldnt tell, Im very much tending toward that last option. I think those few crumbs of "positivity" are either him wanting to deliberately torment Sam more by giving him these little crumbs of goodness which contrast against the torment and make it all the more pronounced, or him just kinda being in the habit of manipulating people and doing stuff like this almost reflexively. One of the many reasons why I like c!Dream so much and why I can get quite defensive and upset about other people disliking and/or misintrepreting him is that I relate to him a lot especially his manipulative tendencies bc I can also be quite shitty and manipulative at times, so like, Ive been there lol. Once you have this habit of attempting to manipulate people into doing what you want, its kinda hard to stop even when manipulating someone isnt even your goal. This is pretty complex and hard to explain but for me its that I often have to concentrate to not do it when Im around adults in particular, because my manipulative tendencies mostly 'come out' when Im in situations that upset me and that I want to leave and most of those involve adults. I would imagine Dream has a similar thing, except instead of his "trigger" being Having To Talk To Adults its like, Being Presented With Someone Vulnerable. Dont really know if that makes a whole lot of sense, I'll probably do a really long c!Dream character analysis once I finish the series where I might try to elaborate on these points/explain them more succinctly

Also Idk, Im not that far into it yet but Im noticing a fixation on trying to get Sam to admit that he was wrong and/or a hypocrite. i dont really have anything to say about that right now but I did think it was interesting. To kinda tie it back into my point about Sam wanting validation and to be seen as just, i guess Sam admitting it was wrong of him to imprison Dream or that hes a hypocrite for imprisoning him could signal him getting malleable/harmless and, since Sam would have to admit it to himself before admitting it to Dream it might damage his mental health a fair bit

[quatregats]

orchid, cactus, chamomile, papyrus <3

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

Cant de batre Pepgimenobotifarra my beloved <333

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

Ooof definitely too many things...I've been going down a rabbit hole of 18th-early 19th century Catalan history recently so I guess that's the most prominent thing. (I may or may not have designed myself a reading list centered around Stephen Maturin sfhdjskfs)

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?

I love getting things that were made by my friends or like very intentionally chosen, even if they're not nice/expensive/things I was looking for. For me the point of gifts is kind of to show a person that you matter to them, and I feel like they can't just be one-sided (i.e., thing that I, the receiver, want, but which has no significance to the giver). They have to show something about your relationship, that's what makes them so fun to get <3 (idk if that makes sense but tl;dr I'm not picky about what the things are, I just want them to matter to the giver)

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

OH. THIS SONG.

This song is just so full of emotion, it's beautiful and sad and yet oddly joyful, idk how to describe it really. It's a musicalization of a Tennyson poem. It's on here because I put it in a playlist for a somewhat depressing fic I was working on lol

Milesker galderengatik <3333333

[so0ppa]

hiiiiii. your art style is so cool and inspires me a whole lot.. i really like the way you draw faces and hair !! idk i just. have never seen an art style like yours before. there's something really unique about it. i also love the pencil brush you use. and your painting style is cool too!!!! it looks so nice and its bright in a good way. idk i just. love your art bjasjhdasjh. it makes me happy whenever you post it. im not sure how to word all of this sorry if this sounds weird……. what inspired your art style btw? :3 (if you were inspired by anything at all.)

hallo thanksz youu nonnie i appreciate all the compliments though i cant respond to much of it since im . bad at taking compliments. (like idk to me my art is just a pretty generic mish between cartoony western comics and anime (specifically like french "anime" iykwim) but yk to each their own and such i dont need to understand something to appreciate it)

and uh there's like no way to know what ive been inspired by as i have been drawing since forever and i dont have good memory past like a year or so back ... but ehh ill list off art i like and want to study/artists i find admirable and would like to be more like at this particular point i guess?

one piece anime (up to the major style change after time skip, tho the art for fan letter and the most recent arcs has been good from what ive seen), dunmeshi manga, witch hat atelier manga (havent read much of yet), drawfee (all 4 hosts lol), @/huyandere, @/toydrill, @/otrebot, @/stil-lindigo, @/flandrepudding, @/ottororin, @/temporal-garbage

and thats most i can think of off the top of my head lol.. um hope this isnt an overall disappointing answer idk.

[videostak]

didnt end up watching lovers live cause i ended up watchig almost famous w/ my sister it was alright u kno like meh one of those 70s nostalgia movies that kinda annoy me. like that and dazed n confused type stuff rly annoy me. philip seymour hoffman as lester bangs was v cool tho lol. like idk felt appropriate casting. the rest of the movie was like alright not bad but u kno it bieng autobiographical makes u kinda want more but also knowing that its restrained a lot by being a safe type autobiographical movie u kno. wathcing it tho makes me think abt my life and music and where i should be or where i should go hmmm. like that record store just straight up hired me w/ no experience or anything just cause ppl here have such dogshit taste that the stuff i was selling made me seem really cultured lol. and i dont even kno if ill be able to get a job at the store downtown cause i realized that i probably didnt get it the first time cause theres like. no contemporary music i listen to. I just theres nothing i feel worht listening toooo idk stuff ill be like oh tahts cool but really think they didnt give it to me back then cause like i didnt say much abt new music and to be bleak abt the current music scene would def be a red flag for them like to be truthful lol. like that and i listed tons of freakout shit like brotzmann no wave  minimalism etc lolll. thought like itd make me look real smart but realized it just made them think to not put me behind the register lol. anyways thats prooobably why i didnt get it tho honestly they couldve just already decided not to give it to me from the start since it was a interview i got from a ex friends friend so like couldve just all been a formality. another reason is i had mentioned recently getting the stones first album on cd and the interviewer wass like “u just started listening to the stones?” and i was like ya basically LOL so that also probably cost me the job lol... which is funny cause now im like a huge rolling stnes fan tbh like just rly totally understand why theyre as popilar as they are and like v much will praise the stones over stuff like led zeppelin n stuff lol wel i guuess that isnt sayying tooo much since i rly have a tolerate/hate relationship w/ music like zep and who. anyways if i do apply again im gonna try to list new artists even if its shit i dont actually listen to like honestly rn just thinking ummm harry styles,tennis,beach house,black midi, death grips, sophie, maybe some more. of the ones there i only actually have listenend to tennis black midi death grips and sophie. but gotta have a list like that just so they think i listen to contemporary stuff even tho i dont :P just like b4 i thought there were nice bands and there are nice artists like sophie for sure is up there but like kinda become disenchanted w/ so many modern groups just knowing who theyre shamelessly ripping off u kno like every modern indie artist doing a stephen malkmus type voice/delivery or sounding like a bad cocteau twins parody or like if mbv were muzak. u knooooo. but i obv cant say that cause like. the new stuff is what sells and what they have to be savvy on since its like u kno theyre selling that new. wiiiish i could be in some positiion where i could state my opinion and get paid and be honest and ppl respect me. i guess thats the point of a journalist but obv writing articles abt how much shit sucks and why u should only listen to real artists like the stooges or the nutty squirrels and stuff w/ real deep actual depth that are actually saying/doing something like the b52s or cluster isnt something that is like contemporary -_- liiike idk just need tooo make some money i guess but i think its insane when ppl acknowledge my personality and opinions so im like i should exist on that alone lol. even w/in the time that i got rejected for that job ive listened to so much more and could genuinely add more to that list even tho i get into music at a snails pace. like b4 i just put dub on the application but now ive truly heard more reggae and could just list both reggae/dub together instead of just dub. sucks tho appplying knowing they rly dont care abt music or passion and just need someone who knows whats goin on w/ t swift n harry styles T-T they should hire me cause i see visions of god when listening to einstein on the beach very loud and focusing on the flute

[becauseplot]

Hohh wednesdays are busy for me so that + brainfog tuesday + physics hell = lots of Things needed to happen yesterday, but im back :D

Ehehehhehe more Factorial fic for me to chew on. Even if I have no idea what's going on I'm sure I'll like it for at least the writing.

Love my gel pens so so so much. Love using them up completely to write. When I was in middle school, I was gifted one of those big ol pen packs of like forty fuckmillion cheap gel pens in every color imaginable, and I burned through them so fast while writing. I kept them all in the bottom of my backpack and the collection grew to the point where I could just pull out a literal fistful of used-up gel pens going like ":D" to weird out my friends.

Oof sorry you're under the weather. Hope you get to feeling better soon :( And yeah goddamn your sister to reiterate I am scared of her but she sounds awesome. I've got an older brother who is also very cool---headstrong guy, which both helps and hurts him lol. He's trying to become a bartender and honestly, it sounds like the perfect job for him. He's very personable and just loves to talk to people and get to know them, and bartending would be the perfect job for someone who just loves to People.

Tbh it wasn't until more recently that I could say that my brother and I are friends. We argued a lot as kids and then for a good number of years he was just...kinda someone who lived in the same house as me. And then. Idk I guess somewhere between me going off to school and both of us individually working/going through some Stuff we finally got to know each other? And he's like, actually my friend now. And last year he made it clear that he truthfully, genuinely cares for me and will be there for me and ueueuueueue 0(-( I've never really had anyone in my corner like that before. Like my parents are great and I love em to bits and I've had some amazing close friends, but there are some things that you cant tell your parents and there are some things your friends cant help you with, ya kno? (URGHH im getting choked up thinking about this /pos thinking of my brother as my friend still feels so surreal to me.)

Also he's a poet! And like a really fucking good poet holy shit. Like I knew he loved songwriting for a while and had performed at slam poetry nights but I didn't realize how good he was until he performed one of his pieces for us at a family function and I was. Floored. We talk about writing and word choice on occasion and most of our texting conversations consist of funny posts we send each other. It's nice.

Ghost child getting a gentle ending this is all I wanted for him <3

Ohhh chaos! There is a lot going on there, really looks like everyone is scattered trying to get a handle on the situation, ohh absolute nightmare. The detail of Pac with the Doctor who is armed is suchhhh a good one. Really illustrates their dire situation, where the person who heals is forced to take up arms. Traditional war says "honor code---don't kill the medics, leave the wounded alone" but this war does not give a shit about any of that. (which happens irl. which makes this feel very, very, very human despite the nature of their circumstances.) (or perhaps it is because of the nature of their circumstances.) (i remember watching a bit of a show abt an alien invasion starting in different locations all over the world, and at some point an American soldier, a man from an invaded middle-eastern town, and the man's family were driving away in a car having escaped the aliens for now, and the American soldier commented to the man about how the man's wife and children in the back seat seemed relatively calm despite Everything that had happened and Everything they had seen because, you know, alien invasion. and the man replied that this is hardly the first time that they've been "invaded" by "aliens". and i think about that a lot.)

Archivists so beloved fr. You're right about Cellbit having to take care of Phil, it's so interesting watching Cellbit have this borderline identity crisis about if he's a "good man" or if he's actually capable of being gentle and using his hands to heal instead of hurt while he's like actively wrapping bandages and helping Phil. and Phil is just sitting there like "awww yeah Cellbit my trustworthy friend my friend whom i trust i put my life in your hands because i trust you yesyes". On the other way around, Phil---always has food on hand, values sleep, health potions up the wazoo when he can get his hands on 'em---taking care of Cellbit---lives primarily off of coffee, sleep is a naught but a distant memory, most likely got a deep-seeded walk-it-off complex from his time in the war---also has potential. late night in the Order Phil looking at Cellbit walking in looking half-dead and Phil asking him if he's alright and wrestling out of Cellbit the fact that Cellbit hasn't eaten yet and hasn't slept in however many fuckin days, Phil staring at him like "damn bitch you live like this?? go to BED man holy shit" Alternatively, Phil sees Cellbit is doing badly but Cellbit brushes it off until Phil mentions he left something in the other room and Cellbit's like "oh i got it" and stands up from the table a little too fast and [WINDOWS SHUTDOWN NOISE]. (<-this has been living in my head for too long i just gotta string some more coherent plot along w it) I'm more silly with them tbh but they live in my head. Cellbit regaining conscious to Phil being like "yeah i think youre done for the night mate" and Cellbit being like "idk what youre talking about im literally awake now i didnt even hit my head" "because i caught you dumbass" "look im good i promise, we can keep going" and Phil giving him a Look "...im messaging Roier" "no, wait--"

Just,,, thinking about pre-purgatory and both of their histories, Cellbit growing up in a warzone and Phil's nebulous "survivalist" background. They both push themselves but Cellbit is terribly self-destructive with it. Phil, having lived a long life, knows better how to pace himself and take the breaks when he can so he can be prepared for when shit really hits the fan, meanwhile Cellbit over here trying to brute force his way through an ongoing crisis, soldier on, fight or die run or die kill or die, it's always the worst case scenario. And Phil looking at him and thinking, "Does he know he doesn't have to give 100% all the damn time? Does he know that's not how you survive a crisis?" Little does Phil know that surviving the crisis is not always part of Cellbit's plans. Idk chewing on them.

The ingredients for an Archivists AU/fic are still on the counter I just gotta get them organized into something coherent and then I can tell you more. But the idea that it'll center around is "Marginal acquaintances forced to work together because reality is being weird and there is Something Going On and no one seems to notice it but them." (Issue: I don't typically write mystery like at all. If I ever write it, it will be Difficult.)

Yeah time with friends! My pre-uni friends are by far my closest ones. I don't rly have anyone that I'm close to here at university (making friends here is. hard. and. still an ongoing process.) so I'm looking forward to spending time w them.

They deserve ALL of the blankets and hot chocolate and X-factor on the couch. The world hurts them enough :(((

Ohhh Duchess sounds interesting :0 by "your NPC" do you mean you played her or you just wrote her or both? Just to be clear lmao im curious.

Really sucks not being able to study archeology bc shit health :( but at least that corpse knowledge is being put to good use.

Tbh I don't ever watch reality TV. Like, ever, I hate it, it's boring. However, during finals week last semester, between study sessions and exams one of my roommates would watch Hell's Kitchen and I'd drop in every now and then and watch some of it with her and we'd laugh at how dramatic it was and how shitty the contestants were to each other and cuss out the assholes. Loads of fun.

God I love hugs too. Absolute horseshit that your health prevents you from getting one >:/ I haven't had a hug from a friend in *googles* 67 days. When I see my friends during spring break I am going to full-body tackle one of them and force them to just lay on the couch w me. Gonna take a nap on them. They won't move bc that would make me sad and they wouldn't want to do that because then I'll revoke their kneecap privileges :>

I know nothing about Pokemon but I trust your process :thumbsup: Man idek what videogames i played as a kid lmao what did i even do? I think i just played Minecraft, Kirby Mass Attack, Mario Kart, and various Mario Bros games on loop. Much much much later I just played Breath of the Wild over and over and over and over. Hence my well-loved but currently abandoned botw au(s).

Adding Eric's Song to the list! Epic. Shooting one back at you: How Far We've Come by Matchbox 20. My personal end-credits song tbh. Makes me insane. I took an Apocalyptic Literature class (ALSO an incredible class with an incredible prof) and it gave me a new appreciation for it.

finished ep 10 of osnf (long post under the cut oh lord)

crying sobbing kicking over chairs screaming CELLBIT IS AN EVIL EVIL MAN WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. FOR WHAT REASON. POR CUAL RAZÓN. LO ODIO. <-said with the utmost adoration and respect of a writer but the fury of a fan who just had to endure all of that my hearttttt 0(-(

god fuck i have thoughts and feelings regarding episode 10 of osnf. obviously. i don't even know how to start.

okay. first of all the way that he was able to orchestrate the like 57839 different POVs of the nightmare happening at the same time was actually pretty smooth, all things considered. being able to forcibly mute/deafen the others is a good thing to be able to do yesyes.

second, im losing my mind over how he hides the fact that "it's all a dream" WITHIN the "it's all a dream" trope by having the creatures be manifestations of dreams/guilt in "reality" themselves. idk if i'm making any sense, but like, you get it, right? like, it's the fact that we thought we had already discovered the dream-based deceit in the segment because of what the "Hotelier" told Joui at the start of it, but it turns out that THAT was a red-herring of sorts for the TRUE dream-based deceit, that EVERYTHING was a dream, not just the creatures. god there are fucking layers to this im foaming at the mouth that's soooo good.

i guess that's what makes the "it's all a dream"-style trope present here feel less cliche. because, you know, it is a trope, and it's not really a trope that i'm fond of, but because there's actually more going on, it feels less cheap. what certainly helps is that the fact that it's roleplay, so the reactions from the characters are so much more raw, and there are some irl stakes (character dead = out of the series = can't play anymore). that definitely keeps you on the edge of your seat.

edit: something i forgot to mention—what i dislike abt the “it’s all a dream” trope the most is that it is very easily something that can be so, so cheap. all angst, no stakes or consequences, no lasting impact on the plot on the characters. however, not only is there a “physical” impact via several characters losing SHITLOADS of sanity (something not easily recovered) but we get to see a little more into the psyche of the characters. which i suppose is often the point of the “it’s all a dream” segments, but this dream—one with a lot of references to past major character death and itself contains major character death—rings especially true for the themes of the series: the world they live in is dangerous, and the work they do is lethal. people have and will die. and they do and will feel guilty, reguardless if they are at fault. it’s not a horrifying death dream just for the sake of being a death dream, it feels grounded in their reality, and i love that.

third, man he did not hold back. when Arthur was being beaten to a pulp by not!Brúlio, i was actually in shock, i was screaming. plus, i think the fact that Cellbit rolled a 001 when not!Brúlio attacked actually helped to hide the fact that this was a dream. it made it look like it was bad luck rather than the segment was designed to kill the characters (well, at least until he revealed that the damage was 1d4+1d6, but i'll get to that later).

gosh the narration of how not!Brúlio killed Arthur. holy shit. i don't. i don't even have words, that is DEVASTATING. that is probably one of the worst ways for a person to go. i know it's a dream but if i were Arthur i would be emotionally fucked up beyond belief. beaten to a bloody pulp by the father who once loved you so much, screaming at you for abandoning him and that it's your fault he died a horrible death. and then he drops your body on the ground like you're nothing but a pile of useless meat. god. damn.

and then Liz. ohhhh Liz. i just. i was devastated. her whole struggle with Alex, the man she treated so horribly. yes it's true the real Alex never would have said these things to you, but how do you know he wasn't thinking it? that he didn't want to? that what not!Alex says doesn't hold some truth? christttt. and of course the way she dies: in complete agony. and did she forgive herself? because, unlike with not!Brúlio, the creature turned into that weird wispy black thing just as she died, and i would assume that means she forgave herself (if those rules even apply considering this was all a result of the parasite's deceit (holy hell my brain is melting i am the man with the hand on the conspiracy board)).

fourth: the 1d4+1d6 thing! when he read that out, i was stunned. that is a LOT of damage considering all of the characters have ~10 HP. with an extreme roll, that's basically an insta-kill, or it's easily a two-hit-kill. i thought Arthur was unlucky, but when Liz also went down, i was---well, devastated, at first, because that's Liz, she's my absolute favorite and i love her, but i started going through all five stages of grief at once, and at some point i arrived at "no that can't be right" because Cellbit is a good writer. and to deliberately construct a scenario where it would be VERY hard for a character to survive while still in the middle of the story? yeah. and yknow the fact that there's still 6 other episodes fhdsjk. (then again the series continues regardless if a character dies and i haven't looked at other episodes' thumbnails or anything like that for this exact reason. so. i was going in as blind as i could reasonably be.)

in any case, realizing and connecting all of this and then hearing the "Hotelier" start yelling at Joui right after Liz died explicitly blaming him for it sealed it for me: this is a trick of some sort. this is a dream sequence of some sort. these aren't real deaths. (a smaller part of me was still scared that they were real because i know that Cellbit does not shy away from killing off his players' characters, if op and opq are anything to go by. but i digress.)

and then the characters turned to black goo. and i just about threw my computer. rip Luba who got absolutely targeted by the GM lmfao.

anyway uhhh that's about it regarding the dream sequence! loving luzidius!joui and how he just keeps switching back and forth. ((and it further supports my little side-theory that the mysterious blond woman last seen with Team Kelvin was a luzidious we win these.)) i was surprised to see Liz thinking it was so cool when she's been so suspicious of everything in Santo Berco since she got here, but i think she could definitely be using it as a distraction from what she just went through, and honestly she's just happy to see Joui is okay. (the way she gave on up words and just hugged him, the way she held his face in her hands, the way she dragged him down the hall to show Thiago and Thiago was just telling her to fuck off (/aff) because he was getting dressed, my heartttt i love these three, mentor-mentee dynamics my fucking beloved)

also new outfits! sweet! istg the new outfits are so Cellbit's way of apologizing for putting his friends through that. "hey sorry i killed your character in the most emotionally devastating way possible it will happen again wOAH LOOK AT THESE NEW CLOTHES AREN'T THEY SO COOL YOU SHOULD TRY THEM ON!!!"

i've been having mixed feelings about the sudden setting/genre change since the group arrived in Santo Berco. i really, really loved the urban horror-fantasy vibe that they had going on in op and the first 8 eps of osnf, but evidently, this is good as well. the genre is most definitely still horror yippee. i definitely miss the urban-modern setting, but i think i can get adjusted to this. (i'm just,,, not the biggest fan of the auto-heal crystals im sorry i had to say it they feel too op i know their use is limited to visiting the doctor but knowing they exist lowers the in-world stakes for me im sorry---)

anyway, ep 10! you beautiful monster! i have been typing for an hour! i need to go eat food! k bye!

[princesssmars]

cuffing season

a jim hopper x reader fic

el has been begging hopper to go see a concert of some new up and coming artist. hopper doesnt get the hype until he finally hears you sing.

wc : 1.266

contains: reader is famous and kind of. an 80s sza i guess ??? idk u perform cuffin season and hopper is whipped.

- s/n : stage name -

a/n: as soon as i heard this song i think we all thought of him. confirmed byt the dozens of edits ive seen and shared so yall saw this coming. enjoy.

.

.

.

hopper loved jane with all his heart. her entrance into his life gave a new meaning to his world; a new sense of purpose (even if he sometimes likes to act like an all-tough macho man, almost everyone he was close to saw him for the big softie at heart he was.)

but god damn was raising a teenage daughter hard.

he gave it his all and he could tell that she knew it, remembering to say thank you after every nice gesture. she often liked to throw in a little hug as well. he was lucky she was a sweetheart.

but of course given her upbringing in a government lab and being suddenly thrust into the modern world, she wanted more. she wanted to fit in.

so hop wasnt surprised when she asked to go to her first concert.

she had seen a commercial on the television for it at mikes house while hanging with the party, the artist being a woman called s/n who was going to perform some of her songs that had become very popular recently. hopper only listened to his favorite stations, so hes never heard of her songs on the radio.

but, it was the middle of fall nearing winter, and there wasnt much to do in hawkins this time of year, so he reluctantly agreed to drive jane and the party to indianapolis to go see the concert.

(hes barely able to survive the drive. he loves these kids but jeez could they talk about everything but nothing for hours.)

eventually they check in at their overnight hotel before heading to the outdoor venue, their seats being more near the stage.

(this trip cost quite a pretty penny but only the best he could get for them of course.)

its chilly and even snowing a bit but none of the people here even seem to mind, most on the edge of their seats while waiting for the show to start.

jane and max are excitedly whispering amongst themselves while the boys watch on and occasionally join in.

as the lights start to dim in preparation for the show, hopper catches dustin bouncing on the balls of his feet with a big smile on his face.

"what are you so giddy about? probably just gonna be some regurgitated pop songs..." hopper mumbles, confused at the boys excitement.

"no way! you obviously havent heard her most recent song. ever since it came out girls have been all over me. im dedicated to susie but its super cool."

hopper is about to ask him to elaborate when the screams of hundreds suddenly rings out, the lights on stage coming back up to officially start the performance.

when the lights turn on and the music starts, hopper can feel his breath get caught in his throat at the sight of you.

you, probably the most gorgeous woman hes ever seen, looking like an angel in a red fur coat ready to bless the masses. hes too busy staring straight at you that he barely registers your greeting to the audience, and only starts to pay attention when you start singing.

its cuffing season

and all the girls are leavin

to get a big boy

i need a big boy

give me a big boy

your lyrics and the confidence you give while saying them makes his face flush like a damn teenager. he cant remember the last time (or any time for that matter) where he heard a song targeting someone built like him, most songs in the radio desiring someone younger, thinner, and more muscular.

there are other woman singing/rapping along with you saying little jokes about bigger guys that granted do make him chuckle a bit. but even though your part in the song is small, he mostly keeps his eyes on you.

near what hes sure is the closing of the song, as you sing your repeated chorus and move along to the music, your eyes lock on his and his heart damn near stops when your smile widens after looking him up and down, singing while directing the lyrics to him.

its cuffin season

and now weve got a reason

to get a big boy

i want a big boy

give me a big, big, big boy

you wink at him before turning your attention back to the audience, wrapping up the song before continuing the rest. hopper feels a tugging on his arm, looking down at his beaming daughter who looks happier than hes ever seen her.

"shes so pretty! and i love her voice! isnt this so cool?!" she shouts over the music, slightly jumping up and down in excitement.

hopper smiles at her enjoyment, slightly chuckling along with her. "yeah, yeah shes cool, hon."

throughout the rest of the concert hopper finds himself enjoying it more and more, his eyes staying on you nearly the whole time. you make eye contact a few more times, and each time you send a flirtatious smile in his direction.

eventually the performance comes to a close, the kids still hyped and buzzing talking about their favorite parts. just as they're about to head out a security guard stops them.

"is there a problem? one of these kids didnt so something, did they?" jim asks, sending a pointed look in the kids direction, all of them standing still as statues.

"no, nothing wrong at all sir." the guard assures. "s/n is having a vip meet and greet backstage and invited your party to say hello and get some autographs."

hopper doent think hes ever seen the kids get so excited so quickly, but then again they were going to meet their first celebrity.

when its finally their time to meet you, you give them a great big smile and "hello!". you act so well with the kids, answering any question they have and taking a multitude of pictures. he stares on in fondness until you turn your attention to him.

"hi, your daughter told me your name is jim, right?"

"everyone just calls me hopper." he responds, trying to hide how hes slightly nervous in your presence. it was t everyday he met someone equally talented and drop dead gorgeous. "i uh...liked your song. the first one."

"mmm, pretty sure you more than liked it." you tease him, laughing when he looks away from you. "im glad you enjoyed it. me and my friends just wanted to show more love to guys of our type."

"your type huh? and im guessing by how you kept looking at me id fit in to your criteria?" he asks you bluntly, feeling proud when he sees you slightly flustered.

"youd more than fit, trust me-" youre blatant innuendo is cut off by your manager tapping you on the shoulder, whispering in your ear that you should start wrapping things up.

a deep sigh leaves you, sharing just another little moment with him before moving back to your table, writing something on a note and giving it to him with a smile.

he doesnt have time to look at it until later on during the drive home, most of the kids having tuckered themselves out from talking about the show and falling asleep one by one. he carefully pulls the note out of his jacket pocket, holding it in one hand while he drives with the harder.

its your name and number, with just a sentence of writing below them.

call me whenever youd like, big boy.

and in that moment, hopper has never been more grateful for his daughter.

.

.

.

a/n: i dont have anything to say need him bad. bigger boys girls nd everyone in between we love yall. thanks for reading <3

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Ease

Prompts:May I request a "[number] of times Patton took care of the others and one time they took care of him" formatted hurt/comfort? Could be canonverse, kidfic, etc... bonus points if "the others" includes Thomas with some call backs to I think it was "growing up" where Roman, Logan, and Virgil talk about Patton's contributions. I kinda feel like Patton's getting put down because of the recent stuff, ya know? oof. - anon

*crashes through the wall like the kool-aid man* Heya! Uh so I was wondering if you could maybe do a sanders sides fic where Logan when distressed just latches onto an object and refuses to let people take it from him? Like water bottle? Yeah that’s not leaving. Or maybe a jacket that is not not being taken off no matter what. Something along those lines. Cause I do that and i feel like It’s a very Logan thing to just become obsessed with an object because if that’s there then he’s there and if it doesn’t change then it means reality is okay. Idk if any of this made sense but alas. -Nex

Soooooo question- hope this is a good idea- but like Logan is words, right? So like crazy thought but imagine how frustrating it would be if Logan went mute- if he gets so stressed and so upset that his voice just goes out, and he can't speak a word. And it kills him, cause he's so loud in his head, no one is listening, and he can't speak a single word. And eventually the group or someone notices and its a scramble to help cause Logan's mute and sad and he really wishes he could ask for help - anon

Oh gosh prompt (Feel free to ignore this if you arent taking them!) *Virgil, About the others saying they love him* "I guess... Its nice to know that they think they feel that way" Someone please give this emo a hug. Maybe he feels like he's unloveable because he hurt the dark sides by leaving them, and that because he hurt them, they dont care about him, so the light sides cant either?? Spoiler, they all (Dark and light) do very much care. Have a wonderful day!! - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: panic attacks, anxiety attacks, food issues

Pairings: DLAMPR, can be platonic or romantic, don't care

Word Count: 3467

Living is not easy, life is not simple.

Sometimes it's enough to...ease the ache.

Patton catches a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye and pauses. He carefully sets the bread on the counter and moves back to the fridge, careful to keep his back turned.

“I’m just about to make some sandwiches,” he says conversationally, “would you like one?”

No verbal response, but there is another scuffle just to his left.

“Good. Have you eaten much today, kiddo?”

Silence.

“No? That’s okay, I haven’t had a proper breakfast either. We’ll each do two sandwiches, then, how does that sound?”

A pause, and then another shuffle.

“Sounds good.”

Patton turns to the fridge, carefully pulling out the ingredients he remembers. Each time, as he sets one on the counter, he pauses, waiting to hear the soft shuffle of approval before moving on to the next.

When he turns, he keeps his gaze on the ingredients and his hands. He makes the sandwiches in plain view of the kitchen, each step exposed and obvious so there won’t be any surprises when the sandwich is bitten into. Every so often he’ll catch sight of a blur moving back and forth or hear the creak of the floor in front of him. He doesn’t look up. He never looks up. As he gets closer to finishing, he sees a shadow cover the counter closest to him.

“I’m almost done, kiddo,” he promises softly, “you can take this back to your room to eat if it makes you feel better, that’s okay.”

A softer shuffle. Not quite acceptance, but curiosity.

“I mean it.” Patton turns his back on the finished sandwich. “As long as you’re eating something, kiddo, I don’t mind where. It’s just important to me that you eat.”

A pause, then a slow scrape of ceramic as someone picks up the plate.

Patton smiles, relief pushing at the bubble in his chest. “Thank you, kiddo. You come back down when you want another one, okay?”

Another shuffle and the small pop that comes with sinking out. Patton can’t help turning around, though, just after he hears it, to smile at a now-empty kitchen. He sighs, bracing his hands on the counter.

Coaxing Virgil to eat when he doesn’t want to or can’t seem to eat has never been easy. Thomas used to feel the urge to skip meals altogether because he was too anxious and even developing this system has been a slow work in progress.

But, when Patton’s back is turned eating and making his own second sandwich, when he turns around the plate is back, littered with crumbs.

He smiles.

Logan is rarely quiet.

Unlike most of the other Sides, Logan has a gift for eloquence. Not to say that the others don’t! Or that they can’t talk or speak as well as Logan can, but Logan seems to have this…connection with words, so to speak, where he can translate exactly what’s in his head into words and out to the rest of them. He doesn’t struggle for them the way the others do. Often he’s helped them find their own words so they can talk, he’s invaluable to most group discussions.

Which is why, in the middle of a heated argument one day, Patton glances over to see Logan utterly silent and knows something’s wrong.

His hands are clenched. His brow is furrowed and he’s staring off somewhere. His face looks like it’s been frozen; the expression is almost entirely blank and even though the Sides don’t need to breathe, it looks like Logan is forcing himself to hold his breath.

“Logan?” Patton tries to call across the room. “Logan, are you okay?”

No answer. The rest of them barely pause.

“Logan,” Patton tries again, “Logan.”

Still nothing.

“Hey! Everyone!”

“What is it, Patton,” Virgil grits out, “not a good time.”

“Yes, really, it would be best if we kept interruptions to a minimum.”

“Oh, you’d like that, would you?”

“Enough!”

Patton feels a slight pang when they flinch at his shout but he forces it down. In the quiet that ensues, he tries calling again, gentler.

“Logan? Logan, are you alright?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Roman and Janus’s heads flick around in shock, hears Virgil and Remus stifle curses as they take in poor Logan. Logan slowly raises his head to look at Patton. Then he slowly, slowly moves a hand to touch his throat.

“Shit,” Virgil says, not caring about his language, “L’s nonverbal. We fucked up.”

“Good, Logan,” Patton murmurs as Logan nods, “keep looking at me. Just stay here, okay? You just focus on me.”

“Where’s his water bottle,” Remus hisses to the others, “that’s his object, someone must’ve grabbed it.”

Janus sinks out and comes back with a silver water bottle in his hands. “Is it this one? Someone left it near the door to the Imagination this morning.”

Logan’s gaze snaps to the water bottle and a bit of the tension in his shoulders releases.

“Give it to him,” Patton murmurs, “then back up. Come over toward me and sit.”

Janus carefully makes the hand-off and they do as they’re told, each sitting on the ground as Logan closes his eyes and presses the water bottle against his mouth. Patton stays standing a little longer, watching Logan’s fingers tap out a rhythm against the bottle’s surface. Then he slowly sinks down with the rest of them, each pulling out something quiet to keep their focus.

He passes a coloring book to Roman, a novel to Janus. Remus has tape to redo the grip on his Morningstar, Virgil has his phone. Patton fiddles idly with the sleeves of his hoodie, keeping half of his gaze on Logan.

After a while, the taps slow, and he looks up to see Logan blink a few times and focus on them again.

“My apologies for the inconvenience,” he says softly.

“No need for any of that, sweetheart, you feel better?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Do you want touch?”

“Plea—oh!”

“Remus,” Roman scolds as his brother all but tackles their Logan, “be gentle.”

“Oops.”

“No, no, it’s…it’s quite alright.”

“Come on,” Virgil says, “if we don’t move now we won’t get anything.”

“Speak for yourself,” Janus calls, already bundling one of Logan’s hands into his lap.

Patton just chuckles.

Patton walks downstairs in the middle of the night to get a drink and almost falls off the last one.

Remus is sitting there, Morningstar clutched tight, eyes staring intently at the wall. There is something intensely unsettling about seeing Remus be still.

After Patton’s recovered from almost falling off the stairs, he takes a deep breath and walks slowly into the room, turning and crouching by the bookshelf.

His fingers run slowly along the spines, squinting in the half-dark, before he feels the shudder of Remus’s gaze turning onto him. He takes a deep breath, knowing it’s just Remus making sure everything’s alright, and keeps looking.

There it is.

Patton stands, turning with the book in his hands where Remus can see it. He walks slowly to the couch under Remus’s gaze, making sure the blanket draped over the back is nice and soft as he sits down at the other end. He opens the book, the thin shafts of light from the window enough to see by.

The spine of the book creaks as Patton opens it.

“I am a bunny,” he reads softly, “my name is Nicholas. I live in a hollow tree.”

Remus shuffles closer.

“In the spring, I like to pick flowers.” Patton turns the page. “I chase the butterflies and the butterflies chase me.”

The Morningstar vanishes as Remus’s body starts to list from side to side, leaning over to look at the pictures. Patton opens one arm and Remus’s head flops into his lap. He cards his hand through his hair.

“In the summer,” he continues, tugging the blanket down over his shoulders, “I like to lie in the sun and watch the birds.”

He smooths the blanket over Remus’s side, tucking him in. Remus’s eyes blink lazily.

“And I like to watch the frogs in the pond.”

Patton smiles as Remus starts to relax. He runs his hand through Remus’s hair again, willing the nasty thought gremlins away so the poor kiddo can try and sleep.

“When it rains, I keep dry under a toadstool. I blow the dandelion seeds into the air.”

Remus’s eyes begin to drift closed. Patton lowers his voice.

“In the fall, I like to watch the leaves falling from the trees. I watch the animals getting ready for the winter.”

Remus’s head is warm and solid in Patton’s lap. He presses them both into the couch, safe and quiet and real. Patton strokes a thumb over Remus’s brow.

“And when winter comes,” he murmurs, “I watch the snow falling from the sky.”

Slowly, oh, so, slowly, he closes the book and sets it aside. He doesn’t need to read this last line as he bends down to press a kiss to Remus’s temple.

“Then I curl up in my hollow tree and I dream about spring.”

Sometimes Janus doesn’t come out of his room until late in the day, and when he does, he shuffles slowly from place to place, his gloves hidden beneath the shadows of his cloak. His head stays bowed, his words quiet, curling up in a sun-warmed chair and falling asleep.

Patton gently shakes him awake and asks if he needs help with his scales again.

Janus nods, letting Patton take his arm and slowly wink them out to Janus’s room. The others know about this, so they’re rarely disturbed and if they are, it’s only because it’s an absolute emergency.

“You go get everything off,” Patton murmurs, pushing Janus gently toward the corner of the bathroom with the changing screen, “I’ll start running the bath.”

Janus shuffles toward the screen as Patton sits on the edge of the tub and turns the tap on. He keeps one hand under the water, checking the temperature, as he reaches up and starts sorting through the oils and salts on Janus’s shelf.

The bottles twinkle and shine in the soft light of the bathroom as steam starts to billow up in the room. The ones he takes down are cool to the touch as he sets them on the side for Janus to consider. After a few moments, he hears a shuffling and glances over to see Janus bundled in a soft towel.

“These ones,” he murmurs, “right?”

Janus squints, crouching down and nodding. “Just a small dose, they go quite a long way.”

“Just a little?”

“Yes, that’s plenty.”

“You go ahead and get in, then,” Patton says, standing to put the bottles back, “I got these.”

He keeps his back turned as Janus slides into the bath, the water already beginning to bubble with the smell of lavender. Patton takes the shampoo and conditioner and a small footstool, perching behind Janus’s head. He places his hands gently on his shoulders to urge him down, wetting his hair.

“Tip your head forward, let me get the back too.”

“Mm.”

Patton works the shampoo in patiently, making sure he’s not hurting Janus as his hands card through his hair. He rinses it out just as carefully, lathering in the conditioner to soak before coming around to help with the scales on Janus’s face. He smiles when he sees Janus struggling to keep his eyes open.

“You can drift off if you want, sweetheart, I’ve got you.” He cups the back of Janus’s head. “I won’t do anything that we haven’t talked about.”

“I know,” he mumbles, “I just…miss it when I fall asleep.”

Patton chuckles. “Tell you what. The conditioner’s got to soak for at least five minutes, why don’t I set a time and wake you up to wash it out?”

Janus hums.

“Sweet dreams, kiddo.”

There’s a knock on Patton’s door.

“Come in?”

The door opens slowly and he turns, letting out a noise of dismay when he sees Roman there, tears streaming down his face.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he coos, standing up and opening his arms, “come here, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

Roman makes a noise, still lingering by the door. Patton stands, hustling over to him and taking him in his arms, guiding him to the bed and sitting down, hands cupped around the prince’s cheeks and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Talk to me, sweetheart, what’s going on?”

Roman just shakes his head, lips pressed tightly together as more tears gather.

“Oh, shh, shh, kiddo,” Patton murmurs, gathering the poor thing into his arms again, “I’ve got you, you made it here, I’m so proud of you. Can you cry this out for me?”

A horrible hiccuping sob settles against the hollow of his throat and he closes his eyes.

“That’s it, sweetheart, I know it hurts…shh, shh, there you go, come on, now. We’ve got you, we’ve got you, you’re right here, with me, it’s okay.”

Roman’s fingers curl into his shirt and hold on for dear life. Patton rubs his back firmly and sets his chin on top of Roman’s head. He feels Roman nuzzle absentmindedly into the crook of his neck and hums, pulling Roman closer.

They’d had a bad day today. Thomas had gotten some feedback that made him incredibly upset and, well, they’d had to hold it together until they made it back home safely. Logan had been coming up with things they could do better. Virgil had been freaking out over how badly they’d messed up. Janus had been hissing insults under his breath at the person who gave them the feedback as Remus enthusiastically suggested ways to kill them.

And Roman…poor Roman had stood there, silent in the face of the criticism, absorbing each word as if he were in a fight, blow after blow raining down on him without once losing the stoic face. In the end, it had been him that suggested that Thomas go do something to help himself recover, something he enjoyed. Patton had retreated to his room, waiting.

And Roman had come to him.

“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart, I’m so proud that you figured out how to ask for help,” he murmurs into Roman’s hair, “you did it, you did it, I’m here now, I’ll look after you, you can rest now.”

Roman’s sobs don’t stop for a while, but that’s alright. The poor thing’s had quite the workout today, he can rest and let go. Patton tilts his head to kiss Roman’s temple as he sags into the embrace.

“Shh, shh, that’s it,” he murmurs, “I’ve got you. You’re safe, sweetheart.”

Slowly, he moves them to lie down, Roman’s head pillowed on his chest as he wraps his arms snugly around him. He strokes his back, cards fingers through his hair, whispers words of comfort and encouragement as the prince falls asleep.

+1.

Patton opens his eyes and blinks.

And blinks.

And blinks.

Static. Everything is fuzzy. The world doesn’t have much color in it today.

His limbs feel heavy. His hair feels greasy. His mouth tastes inside out. He blinks again and he can almost hear the grinding protest as he does.

Moving seems like too much today, so he won’t. He can just lie here. He floats.

There’s a soft knock on his door and it opens slowly, a blur of dark blue spilling into the room.

“Patton,” Logan’s soft voice calls, “Patton, are you alright?”

He spots Patton in the bed and makes his way over. He perches on the edge, a hand coming up to brush Patton’s greasy hair out of his eyes.

“Is it a bad brain day today?” Patton manages to nod and Logan’s expression gentles. “That’s alright, they happen. Have you been able to move at all today?”

“…no.”

“Don’t look worried, I’m not upset.” Logan brushes his face again. “Myself and the others got worried when we didn’t see you for breakfast, do you think you could come to get something to eat?”

Moving sounds like a challenge. But Logan is there, a gentle hand to steady him, and when they reach the bottom of the stairs, the others are there. Virgil shoots up from his chair to help, guiding Patton to the kitchen where Remus sets a plate carefully in front of him.

“Roman made it,” he says quietly, “I’m just bringing it to you while he gets ours.”

Sure enough, Roman and Janus emerge with other plates of food, each settling down around the table as they all start to eat. Conversation is quiet. Remus presses against him, warm and solid and real. Logan murmurs reminders to drink, to pause if he needs to. Virgil keeps a close eye on him until his food is finished.

“Come on, sweetie,” Janus murmurs as they start to clear the dishes, “let’s get you washed up. Do you think you can manage a bath if I help?”

Patton nods.

“Good, that’s good, sweetie. Come, now…I think we still have that bath bomb you wanted to try.”

The bath is warm against his clammy skin, the feeling of Janus’s hands in his hair the first thing that’s made him feel human all day. Janus murmurs something about relaxing but it’s too late, Patton’s already putty in the bath as two more hands carefully prop him up.

“Close your eyes if you like, sweetie, it’ll be alright.”

He understands a little more about what Janus means when he closes his eyes but doesn’t fall asleep; the rush of sensation is staggering. Especially when he’s been floating in a cloud of numbness for most of the day.

When Janus has rinsed the last of the shampoo and conditioner from his hair, he gives Patton’s shoulders a squeeze and asks if he wants to sit for a little longer or if he’s ready to get out. Patton mumbles, damp hair lolling against Janus’s shoulder as he chuckles and kisses his temple.

“Alright, sweetie.”

They stay like that for a little longer until Patton rouses. Janus clears everything away as Patton dries, putting on a new pair of pajamas that feel soft against his skin.

He’s deposited into Roman’s arms as Remus presses play on a nature documentary they’ve been wanting to see. As the soft narration starts to play, Roman leans down to murmur into his ear.

“You can fall asleep anytime you want, Padre, we got you.”

Patton dozes in the arms of his family with a smile on his face.

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