#i cant make this looks nice recently idk what it is i guess i just need to make more to get it together

[my-thirteenth-reason]

kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)

[divorcedwife]

hi! i was wondering what exactly you mean by characters that are kind on purpose? i have an idea but im curious about the details. could you give some examples?

i was also wondering how you like the characters in tevinter nights compared to how you like them in game, just your opinion on them. oh and did you read the book before you played the game or the other way around?

oh of course!! i meant characters who are extremely kind and selfless and never take things personally, but are written this nicely on purpose, to make a point. like the idiot in dostoevsky's book - the prince is kind and sweet and doesn't hold a grudge, he's disarmingly sincere and always compassionate, he has great insight into other people and why they behave the way they do. and it's on purpose in that this makes him extremely singular, a mystery to other people, cause every other character is held back by social conventions or pragmatic desires or cruel impulsions, and the prince simply doesn't have those. i think this idea also applies to hareton in wuthering heights to some level, he's not saint like and doesn't talk people through their issues, but he is patient and willing to endure cruelty, to take violence inward and not look for revenge. everyone else is thinking about revenge and who they can torment as proxy for revenge (like heathcliff taking revenge on hindley by mistreating hareton, little cathy is mean to hareton because heathcliff makes her miserable) but he is willing to defend little cathy from heathcliff and to defend heathcliff from little cathy, even thought that puts him at risk. he's very selfless in a book where everyone else is pretty selfish, so it stands out

i really love both of these characters, i just don't like it if someone is meant to be a normal regular person but they're a saint in social interactions anyway, or if everyone is also like that - i dont remember for sure what prompted me to make that post in the first place but i was probably vaguing veilguard, i imagine. that's just my personal bias but i cant imagine someone insulting me to my face and responding by trying to coach them through their feelings, and it doesn't feel like a natural human response to me, even less so when everyone else is also like that. i wouldn't mind kindness if there was one character who was a ray of sunshine and always selfless, but we have TOO much sunshine in this beautiful guard of the veil for it to feel like a trait specific to anyone

i read tevinter nights after playing dav! i went in dav with zero info on the companions aside from very very basic things, like i saw some gifs. that's about it i ended up not finishing tevinter nights because of the eight little talons story - i disliked that one SO thoroughly that i needed a break after. but that's so weird, because i only realized recently that the author for that also wrote the lucanis story that i really enjoyed?? so idk what happened there, i don't get why courtney woods would do that to me. i hesitate to call anything objectively bad, but i found that story painfully sexist in how it handled the characters of teia and viago, and also not very good as a murder mystery (i guessed the killer based on the fact that the character spoke ominously and had otherwise nothing to do). i liked teia and viago way more before i read this, i will never look at them the same again </3

but i did still like the lucanis story, and it has made me sympathize with illario way more lol. it's a shame he's written with zero subtlety in the game, because i do like their dynamic in this one! if i had to help my cousin on a special mission and he kept changing objectives and getting us in danger by being too kind and sweet, i would also want him mega dead tbh. i'd think about it at least. looking back though, i think the issues with lucanis do start in this story ; in that he's an assassin with a moral code who doesn't kill innocent witnesses and will draw out a killing to make the target suffer more - i think that's 1) unprofessional 2) contradictory? for example, in this story, he kills a bunch of guards. were they all guilty? to the level of deserving death? i wouldn't think so. the idea that someone can be a good & moral assassin who only kills bad guys is a total dead end, it's not possible. especially if he's not a vigilante, but a hired mercenary. it shows in his banter in dav, his sense of morality made him sound more deluded and sinister to me than if he'd said "i kill people for money, whatever" i still think this story is fun in itself, and i enjoyed it. i think this contradiction in lucanis could have been interesting if it had been on purpose and explored in the game, but i think the writers really thought they found the loophole to have an assassin who is morally unquestionable....... too bad i liked neve's story, i thought her bitterness and the way she assumes the worst outcomes and the worst of everyone, but still never gives up, that was fun. if neve was written by the same person who wrote the story (and i think so?), then she was written by the same woman who wrote evka, which i think is amazing because i thought multiple times that they were pretty similar, but i like how it works for evka more. i think it's because evka is balanced by antoine, the optimist to her pessimism, who knows her deeply and allows her to show a softer side without it feeling jarring or contradictory like it did for me with neve

i also liked the first story, the one that had strife, thought i felt VERY unprepared for the first named character in the book to be extremely elf racist. it's not bad, it's definitely on purpose, it's just that since you never see anything like that in da:v, i didn't think it would be on the table. i liked the action scenes and the little twists and reveals, which i think may what weekes is best at writing tbh... my favorite dragon age book i read is probably still the masked empire, and i remember liking that about it, the action and the suspense and the twists

i like the story with antoine and evka, who are great and i love that we get to see them before they fall in love. i think this story benefits from the fact that i know they will come back later and their relationship will grow - on its own, i probably would have found it just ok, but the book and game feel very complementary and work together well in my opinion :-)

other stories have already slipped out of my mind for the most part, i just remember liking the one with emmrich and really disliking the one with dorian. maybe i'll finish it at some point, there probably arent that many stories left anyway... just for completion's sake

[crazysodomite]

finally gonna answer that asks thingg. long post

3. your favorite piece(s)?

i really, truly fell off since making these 😭😭😭😭 im honestly not even confident i could create something of this quality ever again #felloff

these older portraits also just go to show how much i fell off. lol 😭😭

i like some of my newer art but its nothing to really write home about. my art has become more self-indulgent compared to squeezing the most 'skill' and 'detalization' out of each piece. i think in the end the process makes me happier (?) but i don't the same pride as looking at some of my older art. to be fair i also spend far less time on art compared to spending like 20 hours straight or days on a piece. frankly im not even sure i could replicate my old pipeline anymore and replicate my skill <- because i fell off!

i cope with the fact i fell off by saying 'im just exploring my own unique artistic vision' <- words from a guy who is simply not that good anymore

4. piece you wish got more love?

idkkk i dont really pay attention to numbers. i only really care/look at comments. i want more taur fans to follow me and talk me about taurs.

7. easiest thing for you to draw?

furries and creatures

8. thing you struggle to draw?

human faces.... this is sad because humans can be so diverse and interesting to draw but personally every time i draw a human it just looks incredibly ugly and bad (unless heavily stylized and simplified) and i just don't enjoy it as much as furries animals creatures monsters etc.

11. do you listen to anything while drawing?

yes... for my own detriment. especially when i dissociate i just turn on something in the background to 'help me focus' but idk if it actually helps me focus or just makes the dissociation more comfortable

13. talk about a wip you like!

i cant show you but it's a piece with lace and hornet (hollow knight)... i think i actually have a lot of wips with angels actually but i dont wanaaa show anybody

14. whats your favorite thing about drawing?

i dont know. gets scared. i enjoy feling proud and enjoying the final product. recently i also enjoy just drawing bodies and forms and volume. the process of 'god this looks like dogshit' going to 'i actually like this :)' or 'i love this and im proud of this' (if im lucky) is very enjoyable.

17. what is something youre confident about in your art?

i dont knowwwwwwww.... im gonna say im confident about something and someones gonna just tell me that im actually really bad at it. i think maybe volume and 'ambient occlusion' !?

21. what do you think your artstyle would taste like? I dont knowww.... from what people say it would be gummies or candies. but tbh that's just my more 'cutesy' art. i contain multitudes. some of my art probably tastes like dirt from the ground at a factory.

22. do you have a favorite color palette to work with?

i pretty much use these colors (for some reason i rarely use green or yellow. the circled colors are especially common. looking at my art it's a lot of purple, pink, blue, red, some oranges. idk why i gravitate to purple so much. i guess i just like red and blue a lot and ourple is a nice middle ground

(and this doesnt mean i dont like green or yellow my immediate reaction to drawing a creature is just making it these colors. for some reason)

24. whats a compliment about your art that has always stuck with you?

I always feel guilty that i dont like. save peoples comments to a folder so i can remember them better (maybe i should do this). i have a bad memory so i can hardly recall what people say word-for-word. I think I'm very humbled and happy when people say that my art has been meaningful to them in some way or helped them or even just made them happy or more willing to explore things about themselves. I also enjoy the 'i look like this and this made me happy' on my art ❤. that's definitely a part of why i enjoy drawing bodies so much. seeing a comment like 'this made me cry because i've never seen a body like mine represented before in a positive way' is really sad honestly and i wish the world wasn't so unfair and cruel man.

25. what size canvas/paper do you use?

i usually use a preset in photoshop for A4 or A3 paper. so about 2000-5000px range

30. whats something youre proud of about your artstyle?

i dont knowwwwwwwww... i think recently i like the way i paint bodies and i've been enjoying the orb heads as a stylistic choice even if some may think its ugly and boring. i also enjoy stylizing body hair. i also also want to adopt a more elaborate brushwork style but idont really know how to do thatttt

34. whats something you still like from your old art?

im just gonna talk about my olllld baby art. i love how innocent and cute and sweet it is. like you can really see my soul was not corrupted by evil yet. sighs

[nyxi-pixie]

I am always ashamed of bringing up men to you, you deserve only the best and most toxic yuri.

That being said, WHY DID NOBODY ASK FOR SKK?!?!? OR SSKK??!?!

I always wanna hear more about your thoughts on literally everyone and everything, please please, at least Chuuya or Dazai? 🥺

cackling i cant judge too harshly given my skk addiction. in a kinder world i would just be yuribrained but those two are just too catered to my tastes😔😔😔

and i SUPPOSE since you asked nicely. ill do skk but im too tired of looking at longposts so. no one open this except prime haters bc asking me abt skk and notps is just not going to go well.

okay now we are alone😍😍😍

CHUUYA!

favourite thing about them: i think ive made a post abt chuuya self contradictions before but !!! so fascinating. obsessed w him forever. yes be a million things at once that outright oppose eo 💞💞💞

least favourite thing about them: i genuinely cant think of anything😭😭 like even stuff thats like boyyy thats fucked upp it doesnt even make me sad about him like picture me hand against my window staring out like that sickos comic. YES... HAHAHA YES!!!

favourite line: i really like the 'obviously im never gonna give in. i can keep this up forever. but for what purpose?' in stormbringer while hes being tortured. it really encapsulates what asgr talks abt in the afterword about chuuya being an inexhaustible spring. like this is the closest he gets to breaking and its with this blind assurance that he CAN take anything that is done to him, and he only needs to find a reason why thats worth it. which he then does ofc!!! idk theres so many chuuya lines i lovelovelove but that one is just! i dont see anyone talk abt it but it feels Important to me

brOTP: kouyou chuuya are always gonna be dear to me but ive also been on a bit of an albachuu kick recently. so both of those‼‼‼

OTP: skk obviously

nOTP: i have many that i dislike just bc theyre boring to me personally. biting into sandwich and the only filling is bread like okay girl. im not usually a crazed only-er about what i ship but literally most of the dynamics skk have with other characters arent interesting to me in a 'they fuck about it' capacity. but im boring abt mlm shipping i need canon to give it to me on a silver platter otherwise im just not interested. i also find most shippers annoying but i find skkers annoying too so i guess that doesnt say much.

random headcanon: vastly overestimated his alcohol tolerance the first time he went drinking w the pm. not just out of his usual arrogance nono i think he just thought bc he could swing back 8 cups no problem with the sheep, it would go the same elsewhere. only the sheep were always trying to stretch it bc theres tons of them and they have to at least pretend theyre being careful w how often they stole it. and he was basically drinking alcohol flavoured soda. which is very different to a 10-15% bottle of dry wine.

unpopular opinion: i dont want him to leave the pm lawl. i know people talk abt the beast afterword mentioning ada skk and im sure there could be an interesting story there but chuuya would need a REASON to leave the pm. its not like. bad for him the way a lot of people write it to be - or it hasnt been since post stormbringer. not an ideal situation for anyone but like. hes not got an ideal life. like hey the built weapon who spent his formative years hammering it into his bones that he needs to be useful for his existence to be justified is never going to be satisfied with a 'good' life. even if the pm WAS bad for him the way it was for dazai, hes a hell of a lot more loyal to it conceptually than dazai was, so he'd still need an Event to lead him to leaving. anyway. i know lots of people just dont like seeing the pm as anything but a horrid environment causing their blorbo to have a terrible awful time but yk😭😭 thats just not whats going on

song i associate with them: leash on my neck by susannah joffe occasionally makes me think of chuuya//the sheep if im in a particularly insane mood. youve gotta be willing to bend it conceptually but trust it works

favourite picture of them: any version of bugchuu. fifteen bugskk are so important

DAZAI!

favourite thing about them: hes soooo tied to the people he loves. and this would be easy to say about a lot of characters in bsd but dazai is unique in that hes soooo present in canon but only ever as an extension of the people he loves. like a story can have him be as main a character as it likes but the movement of his plot is reliant on other people always!!!

least favourite thing about them: LEAVE THE CAFE WOMAN BEEEEEEE I BEGGGGGG😭😭😭 he actually hasnt said anything annoying abt women in a while bc he only does that to be a cunt when hes bored i think but come on girl

favourite line: kind of obsessed with his endless 'you know i would do this that and the other' and 'i know your breathing pattern your heart rate the decibels of your moans when u cum' etc type lines that he spits out rapid fire in both the first skk reunion and then the lovecraft fight. hes such a loser.

brOTP: said this on the atsushi post already but dazatsu is sooo dear to me. alsoooo bc ive been thinking abt it recently, i am kind of fond of dazai and kouyous dynamic. idk theres such a quiet little history communicated in the bits they have tgthr while shes being held hostage by the ada.

OTP: skk. again! nothing to say!

nOTP: every day i grit my teeth when i see a fy0zai take. also i have several different versions of kn/dz tags blocked LMAOOOO. enjoyers of the latter soooo often state their hatred for skk and then hc the kn/dz dynamic to be things that skk is already doing that kn/dz just isnt like in canon. and im not huuugely invested in their dynamic regardless but as w all of bsd i am exposed to shippers making the absolute worst of posts so it goes from smthn id just find boring to something im an active hater for. 2023 made me a sg/dz hater as well but i barely see posts abt that now so im safe. i just get bored of fandom bicycling i think. which is an issue bc bsd has a major disease about it w dazai😭😭😭

random headcanon: for a guy w basically zero possessions, hes horridly sentimental. the lupin matchbox, keeping his mafia phone, etc. so i think he has a little box of keepsakes that is shoved in a corner gathering dust and a lot of it he meant to burn the same night he did moris coat but he didnt and he still has them. just random bits and pieces of a life he should have been content to leave behind, but never really could.

unpopular opinion: i dont give a fuck about redemption arguments or 'he was too awful to turn good'. literally are you 8 yrs old. the change is possible and no one is irredeemable and morality is ambiguous manga is literally nawtttt for you. also he's always been saving his friends brained. oda just directed him to do that elsewhere. be on the side that saves people so he can do it more easily but he was very much already saving people. like. thats not new for him it was just much more concentrated. lots to be said about bsd maintaining character traits that manifest differently depending on circumstance and will. every part of a person can look good or bad depending on how it is executed etcetc. loyalty is valuable until its to the wrong people, manipulation is despicable until it saves people. etcetc.

song i associate with them: no thoughts on this actually. sorry dazai u infect my brain at all times ur not allowed into my music too!!!

favourite picture of them: listen. its. hes got a disease and hes imparted it onto me.

[sketchyehm]

ok FINE only because i made fun of u

mmau sapnap being a clingy dog with separation anxiety, and he likes to spend time in rich's office, sitting on the floor by his feet, just being reassured by his presence.

smth smth sapnap feeling even more comfortable under rich's desk where it's enclosed and dark and Safe. smth smth sapnap cockwarming rich while he works smth smth sapnap being completely blissed out with his lips wrapped around rich's cock smth smth sapnap staring up at him all drowsy and content and comfortable and satisfied and rich pats him on the head and ruffles his hair and calls him a good dog idk i cant string together a proper thought

Really fucking good holy feck

YA KNOW. I had started writing out Sapnap cockwarming Farfa and never finished it oops

It literally was one paragraph so there's no point in sharing it heh but it was gonna introduce how Farfa first called him good boy (I put somewhere that he doesn't say it often idr where lmao) Sapnap just isn't a patient guy trying to quietly sit next to farfa as he does paperwork. Turns out an easy solution to get him to stop fidgeting is to stick him under the desk and shove a cock down his throat :3

ANYWAYS! Sapnap is a new dog! And despite Rich being a busy guy, he wants to make sure his new puppy is acclimating well and that his "training" is going smoothly of course. He's often called into Rich's office in the beginning, Sapnap at first being nervous that he's done something wrong. He's going in *alone*, Farfa isn't even there to help translate...

He soon realizes why that isn't needed when Rich is o lying using the commands he's been taught as of recent...drilled into his head over and over by the rest of the guys.

"Ven."

Sapnap will walk over to Rich, where he's pointing next to him. The nod of approval making him feel proud.

But Rich will push his chair out from his desk and motion to under it.

"Sientate."

Oh.

He'll crawl in and sit like he was taught. Another nod of approval. He's already feeling fuzzy. He can guess what the next command might be.

And he's right. He can feel the drool pooling in his mouth as his Don pulls out his dick, something he's never had the chance to pleasure yet. He's eager. He *needs* to show Rich how grateful he is for being here, has to show what a good dog he's shaping up to be!

"Abre."

There's no hesitation. And the weight in his mouth is heavenly. He's practically trying to shove it further down his throat, trying to coat it with his tongue and suck it as hard as he can before there's a tight grip on his hair.

"No. Quieto."

He whines. He doesn't know that one. Maybe he's doing it wrong, maybe Sapnap just needs to try it differently? Sapnap tries going slower, maybe he can't be so eager, maybe Rich doesn't want such a slobbering dog...? But that just makes his hair be pulled at harder. He whines again.

"*Espera*. Quédate quieto," Rich growls out.

Sapnap stops moving. He doesn't know what to do, hoping for a hint, something! He doesn't want to be bad, he wants to be good!

Turns out, that's exactly what he's supposed to do. After a minute or so, the hand on his head relaxing and slowly starting to scratch his scalp. Oh. Oh, he gets it now. Sapnap let's out a breathe and starts to relax himself.

"Ya, entendistes?"

He hums. Looking up at his Don and let's himself enjoy the moment. This is nice...letting his thoughts cloud over and just focusing on the warmth resting in his mouth.

"Mi perrito bueno, no?"

The words only making Sapnap sink in further. Yea. He's a good boy. A good boy for his Don.

[nowoyas]

koi no yokan 32: damage control (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list 1-30 - M.list 30-60 - Ao3

A/N: yeah if you saw me write "coming next year" and didn't expect me to pull this idk what you were thinking lmao. happy new year here's some koiny to go with your vespertine update!

Summary: News travels fast.

Warnings and tags: Blink-and-you'll-miss-it suicide ideation

Words: 2600

[name] to Fukurodani Group Managers!!! at 16:16

[name]: hi

[name]: I need a council

~

Kiyoko to Fukurodani Group Managers!!! at 18:05

Kiyoko: does this have anything to do with the fact that you and nishinoya haven't been talking for the past week?

Yukie: WHAT

Yukie: WHAT HAPPENED WITH CUTE LIBERO BF

[name]: I cannot beg you more emphatically to not call him my boyfriend right now

Mako: what happened???

Yachi: something's been going on with them recently, but [surname]-chan hasn't really wanted to talk about it

[name]: please

[name]: focus

[name]: I maybe got an actual boyfriend

Eri: you WHAT

Eri: clarification. NOT the libero???

Kiyoko: omfg

Kiyoko: is this why you haven't been talking?

[name]: no

[name]: not like. directly anyway.

[name]: the boyfriend was today after I left practice

Yukie: is he cute

[name]: he's ok i guess

[name]: I dont. know. how i got here

Eri: wait so if you're this like. lukewarm about actual bf. why are you dating him??

[name]: I dont KNOW!

[name]: he asked and I panicked and I'm trying to figure out how tf i got here and im spiraling

[name]: noya doesnt need this right now

[name]: i keep trying to get myself to text asuka-san and tell him im soryy i dont know why i said yes and i cant do it but every time i try i just fully blank

[name]: he was like. an acquaintance maybe a friend

[name]: hes kinda the only person ive been able to talk to since stuff started happening with noya

[name]: uh no offense yacchan + shimizu-senpai

[name]: just like. the only one not somehow involved with the club and who didn't know noya and who could just like. listen from outside.

[name]: i guess he's nice???

[name]: he plays baseball

Mako: the fact that you're not excited about the new boyfriend and the only thing you're worried about is libero boy is a really good sign that you are not in the right relationship

[name]: ive had like three panic attacks since i texted earlier and i think i might have another here in a second

[name]: you know what's funny?

[name]: hes a catcher. he's basically just a fucking. baseball libero bc my life is a joke

Kaori: ok i'm here now. what the fuck

Kaori: break up with baseball boy

Kaori: but also we're missing key context here. why were you not talking to libero?

[name]: its so stupid

[name]: he's been going through some stuff recently

[name]: so we were like. eating lunch together. bc I figured the other guys wouldn't question it if he dipped on them to eat with me and he really needed to like. stop pretending to be okay for five minutes and just breathe

[name]: it actually concerns me how good he is at making people think nothing is wrong. i don't think i would have noticed if i didn't know already

Yachi: wait soimething happened???

Yachi: *something

[name]: the story's not really my place to talk about. also i only know like half of it. please also do not mention this part to anyone else for obvious reasons.

[name]: and like. we were having fun and things were good. he was flirting which he does and almost kinda seeming like things WEREN'T blowing up and it was FUN

[name]: and then asuka-san (baseball) shows up looking for me. something about fucking… idk notes or something. we'd been sharing notes from time to time because i felt bad bothering everyone else for notes and i'm only just finally getting my brain completely back from the concussion so I'm basically useless for morning classes

[name]: noya flips out. does that whole protective glaring and growling thing. but it's sorta different when it's someone I know who's literally just trying to keep his science grade up.

[name]: i guess I probably missed some context bc he tried to just like. sit with us after I told him it wasn't a good time and ofc noya's like. hell no.

[name]: asuka-san leaves and he's obviously annoyed and now noya's telling me about how he apparently already KNOWS about him bc his SISTER checked up on him and I shouldn't hang out with him and like

[name]: in hindsight asuka-san was definitely only talking to me because he wanted to go out with me. but??? don't tell me who I can be friends with??? so I told noya he was overstepping and not to do that shit and then we just. stopped talking.

[name]: next thing I know he's canceling on hangouts we already had scheduled and shit starts going bad totally separately and now THIS and

[name]: i dont know what to do

Kiyoko: I think you kinda do?

Yachi: ^

[name]: no but like

[name]: Ive never felt uncomfy with silence with noya before

Kiyoko: no offense I swear but has he EVER been silent off the court???

[name]: he's different when it's just us.

[name]: like… deeply different

[name]: i think maybe if he acted around other people the way he is when it's just us other people would see the appeal immediately and I wouldn't have to worry about this bc he'd have a prettier partner who absolutely adores him

[name]: that aside i don't think i should have to apologize for telling him not to tell me who i can be friends with or talk to

[name]: but this is ripping me the fuck apart

Yachi: yeah, you've been… really obviously not okay this past week

Yachi: sorry

Kiyoko: you should tell him that and tell this asuka guy that you made a mistake

Kiyoko: I keep telling you that nishinoya's different around you and you clearly already know that? he's in love with you and the way you are around him is really telling of the fact that you've got SOME kind of feelings for him

Eri: the guy I saw with you was like. insanely sweet and caring yknow?

Eri: I don't know many guys who'd be that gentle. Our guys are nice but there's nice and then there's… that

Yukie: I have spent my entire life searching for a guy who will hand feed me when I'm not feeling well and that one just did it unprompted

Kaori: I can confirm that that's Yuki-chan's dream

Mako: break up with baseball boy it's not too late

[name]: see but all that's just it!

[name]: this stupid fight aside senpai's basically like. perfect

[name]: he's too perfect for me to ever date him

[name]: someone always has to leave first

[name]: asuka-san's… safe

[name]: whenever that blows up in my face I can survive it

[name]: do you have any idea what it would do to me if I actually got together with senpai and he changed his mind? If he DIED???

[name]: I've watched my dad live in hell for the past two years because the love of his life died

[name]: I'VE lived in hell for the past two years because she died

Yachi: [surname]-chan…

[name]: do you have any idea how close I am to not being able to take it anymore

[name]: if I lost senpai it'd push me over the edge so it's better that I never have him to begin with

[name]: maybe… this is good?

Mako: NO

Kiyoko: first of all I'm sorry about your mom (?) that's horrible

Kiyoko: second of all that is insane logic

Eri: I can't read suddenly

Eri: for a second I thought you just implied that libero is the love of your life and that's why you can't date him

Kaori: addition to insane behavior: "I can't date this guy because I like him too much so instead I'm going to date this guy I don't like that much because I'm planning for all my relationships to fall apart"

[name]: do you know how relationships work

[name]: there's only so many possible endings

[name]: we date and either one of us dies or we break up or we get married and THEN one of us dies or we break up

[name]: no other possible endings. someone always loses someone.

[name]: this is safe and it's good probably

[name]: it'll hurt a lot but it'd hurt more later so

Yachi: why did you ask for a council if you weren't going to listen to what we had to say??

Yachi: omg that came out totaly ewrong I'm sorry

Yachi: *totally **wrong

Yachi: …[surname]-chan?

~

Lunchtime comes and you barely register it. You've spent the day feeling nauseous. Far too nauseous to eat, at any rate. You stare out the window, mentally calculating the distance to the ground. Yachi tried to talk to you once or twice all day, including an apology for something she said in the group chat last night, but you'd shrugged it off. The good news is, you're starting to feel numb.

The bad news comes in the form of a pretty girl's thighs resting on your desk in the corner of your vision.

Satsuki found out fast.

"You wanna tell me why the fuck Hitomi-chan's telling me you got a boyfriend?"

"Genuinely, I do not know who Hitomi-chan is," you reply dully, unable to look at her.

"Asuka's older sister."

"Oh." You shrug. "Probably because I've lost control of my life."

A hand grabs your jaw roughly, jerks you to look into Satsuki's eyes. She softens a little as you stare back at her. "Why are you going out with him?"

"I don't know."

"You realize that Yuu's going to be completely heartbroken?"

You barely manage a nod. "I kept telling him something like this would happen. He refused to listen."

"You could have just told the guy you didn't want to go out with him."

"Sometimes I know something's going to hurt me and everyone I care about and I do it anyway because, quite genuinely, I am not in control."

"Okay, so break up with Asuka."

You shrug. "I think it's safer like this. Noya—Nishinoya would leave me completely destroyed if we ever dated and it didn't work out."

"Oh, don't you start dropping nicknames now, missy."

Another shrug.

"I get you've been through some shit, but—I mean, come on, [name]-chan. Who are you protecting, here? You look like shit."

"I also feel like shit. It gets worse before it gets better."

"So what's the fucking point?"

"You seem really determined to figure out why I'm self-destructing and ruining my life. I think you'd probably need a psych degree to get anywhere productive, though."

Satsuki's eyes narrow. "I'm determined to figure out why you spent a month literally sleeping in my little brother's arms and then started dating some messy baseball player instead."

You could do without the broadcasting. You don't have much energy to try to stop it. "Messy?"

"Three girls last year alone. I tracked them down. Two of them were at the same time, [name]-chan. Even setting aside my obvious bias, he doesn't exactly have a good track record."

…eh. You don't deserve much better.

"…just… look after your brother for me, okay? I know the timing is rough for him, and I'm sorry about that."

"I should fucking hit you for this."

"Do it," you reply with another shrug. "Send me out that window while you're at it."

"[name]-chan."

"Consider all this doing him a favor. I'm fundamentally broken. He deserves someone who can actually be there for him."

"You—augh!" She slams her fist on the desk hard enough to jolt it before hopping off. "I don't know why you're so convinced you're some horrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy, but you need to stop dragging other people into it. Text me when you want to come to your fucking senses."

~

Satsuki to Yuu at 12:52

Satsuki: where are you?

Yuu: why?

Satsuki: where are you

Yuu: 2-4. I'm bothering chikara

Satsuki: stay there. I'm gonna come find you

Yuu: ?

~

"Alright, spill."

Yuu fights the urge to sigh. "Hi, Satsuki. Do I get context now?"

"What happened between the two of you?"

He shrugs. Avoids eye contact. "Can we do this later?"

"No, we can't, and don't shrug at me." Satsuki slams a hand on the desk. "Why is she dating him?"

His blood ices in an instant. Beside him, Ryuu chokes on his lunch. "What?"

"Why. Is she. Dating him."

"Since when? Who said—"

"According to baseball bitch's sister, and as of yesterday."

…shit. He really did fuck this one up.

"What happened between you two? You were fucking glued at the hip before last week, and I know it's not because of the thing."

"I don't wanna talk about it," Yuu mumbles. His voice doesn't really sound like his suddenly.

"Too bad. Talk about it."

"N-Nishinoya-san, maybe you should—"

Satsuki glares harshly at Hisashi. "We're talking. Unless you have insight on the situation, I don't want to hear it."

"We're not talking."

"I talked to her to confirm before I came here, Yuu. She looks fucking miserable. You know what she said when I tried to get answers?"

He's not sure he can handle it. "Don't, Nee-san."

She glares something awful. A lesser man might not have been able to handle it, but Yuu's known Satsuki his whole life and can probably take it if she hits him. He'd probably deserve it, too.

"Fine. But you're coming home tonight, you're not staying at practice obscenely late, and you're talking to us. And if you try to skip out—it's hair night, by the way, so good luck walking around with your hair all fucked up for the next few months if you skip—I'm showing up in that gym and dragging you home. Got it?"

"Sure."

She storms out in a huff. Later, when he's had the time to take it in, he'll probably be angry. Probably break something. Probably snap when Satsuki inevitably drags the story out of him.

For now, Yuu tunes out the world. Ignores the questions from the other second years. Shrugs it off when Tsukishima, of all people, asks him about it before practice. Wades through the day.

~

Noya to [name] at 13:04

Noya: did you seriously start going out with that guy?

Noya: tell me this is one of your tests

[name]: im so sorry [message not sent]

~

The guys know by the end of the day.

Based on the timing of the text you got earlier, you assume Satsuki told Noya and perhaps the other guys, not that you need to know the flow of information. If Satsuki hadn't, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi could have heard from Asuka in class. Yachi or Shimizu could have mentioned it to Noya or to one of the other guys, who would have passed it on. No matter how it happened, the fact is that the guys are looking at you differently now.

You're a heartbreaker, you guess.

There's questions in their eyes. Noya, on the other hand, won't even look at you. You keep your head down and pretend like you're fine. You're not letting relationship drama get in the way of your work as a manager.

You told Noya a thousand times that he'd get hurt chasing you. Maybe now he'll actually believe you.

~

Asuka to [name] at 20:20

Asuka: do you wanna go on a date next weekend? I'd like to take you out if you're down

~

[name] to Asuka at 20:42

[name]: i cant do this [message not sent]

[name]: i'd love to! :) let me know when

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[carmenpeach]

i think i might make a new blog... ive had this one for like 7ish years and i think a clean start could be nice, this one is fulllllll of images and i dont know just feeling weird as i tend to do... ive had a username set aside for like months now that i was gonna change this blog to since its in the same vein of my old neopets username/ username i used to use waaaaaay back when but idk i just get this feeling of like. it would make me feel weird somehow even though its a username that brings me joy. thoughts in my head i cant convey succinctly enough.

i thought up a new username not associated with anything prior and its not taken so maybe soon i will make it. "soon" could be a week or a few months etc. i feel i dont have anything worthwhile to put on a new blog since i havent been drawing and at this rate i dont know when i will. i want to draw sometimes but they dont look good and i dont have passion like i used to. im not as unhealthy as i was a few months back but im nowhere near my average baseline health of like a year ago i guess. trying not to mope about it but also :( and i feel i hardly use this site anyways like i do but i dont. i scroll it for a few min and then leave it for a while to do i guess nothing and repeat. im not really sure what i do all day.

i guess i just dont really like sharing my thoughts anymore even though it used to bring me a lot of joy to have this to just showcase my thoughts so they werent cycling in my head all day and i guess thats what theyve been doing. i did recently get better health insurance so im hoping this will help me like writhe in agony less but its like yeah man ill be real none of my interests or hobbies do anything for me other than bring me down. but i dont think its like over its just rough and my organs hurt and i look different and my brain thinks different and its weird, but im still me even if im the "new" one right

[allbeendonebefore]

I have to ask nutmeg, I have to

Good to see when one is aware of one's branding ;)

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

my bedroom is kind of a mess and will be for the foreseeable future because it's just kind of being used as storage at the moment rather than decorated. I spent the whole holiday monday moving those damn blackout curtains and my mum is still like "wouldn't drapes be better?" like ma i am working with what i already have and can afford and they do not make drapes short enough for those windows and i am no longer in possession of the sewing machine because you all took it back out of province with you aaaaaaaaaaa

but apart from the ugly but lifesaving curtains and half the bookshelves in the house being crammed into my room I try to have a few personal touches (fairy lights, a nice framed star wars poster). Most of the conscious thought goes into my office.

I'd say it's an eclectic mix of sci fi posters and local art (both mine and others) and a bunch of knicknacks both recent and from childhood. It's not so much themed as just a reflection of my life (and i also keep getting edmonton swag).

i SUPPOSE i can show pictures but be warned its mostly just me like "gotta get stuff off the floor" and not much in the way of serious thoughtful design (which requires some money and some talent). There is some feng shui though to try to balance out the "idk what i am doing" chaos.

Office

ft. ted harrison, art by a person who didnt appreciate it so i keep it out of her reach so she cant destroy it, edmonton skyline print

beluga i have had since birth, star trek / wars figurines and some other guys as well as the tops of two out of many degrees

i have been digging all my pins out of storage to put on here plus necklaces and there's all the giant roadside attractions in alberta prints made by nancy nickolson who's art i love

i had books on this shelf for my zoom background to make me look like an intellectual and then the shelves fell on my head once so i decided to move them elsewhere hahahaha so now i just look like a weirdo obsessed with edmonton transit and star trek which is true.

(ignore the stupid hat it was a gift for my dad that he absolutely doesnt want but i dont know what to do with it)

postcards from places i've lived that aren't edmonton featuring art by @en-theos hehehe

some posters including a print from fort edmonton, local art propaganda, and a very kind yelp review printed out and given to me by a frequent houseguest :)

everyone is just jealous of my edmonton swag (and my piles of roasted peanuts for the magpies)

Living Room

moved my nice zoom shelf books (contributed by @randomoranges over here (and you must understand i liked voltron Before the reboot)

there's some dinosaurs my sister painted for me, several matryoshka dolls, some montreal art, kitty cats, and very tiny elgin marbles.

this is like the gay trek/who shelf i guess?? (ignore the calgary flag that's not real)

the star wars shelf (c3po is filled with orange pekoe so that's c3pekoe) and the eclectic plant collection (some of which belongs to @quatschmachen). They're hanging out here because i blacked out my office windows during the heatwave.

i keep getting these model valley line lrts and they have to live SOMEWHERE okay

tbh now that i have many of these i am thinking of rearranging them in rainbow order but i love them sooo much.

I do have piles of art that needs to be framed languishing in drawers and stuff but that's for Later. enjoy :)

[stevie-marigold]

Get to know your mutuals!!!

thank you for the tag kiddo @aixabi love you muchly <33

What's the origin of your blog title? its lyrics from 'i know the end' by phoebe bridgers and i fucking love that song but i also saw a stranger things edit to that song and it was so fucking good so yeah thats the inspiration

OTP(s) Shipname: ahhh idk i mean theres tons but like currently? steddie (steve/eddie), sterek(stiles/derek), steter(stiles/peter) uhh idfo im blanking so hard dude but those are the mains rn

Favourite colour: greennnnnn, love green any and all shades its perfection

Favourite game: im really into crosswords rn and sudoku me and my gf do them together but uhh like video games? animal crossing and stardew valley for sure some minecraft too but i havent played much recently, i like board games too

Song stuck in your head: scylla from the epic musical but only the end part its so good omfg ive had it on repeat so its just constantly playing in my head lol

Weirdest habit/trait? its not necessarily weird? i just really like biting lmao i bite my gf (not hard) all the time and we laugh our asses off sometimes bc i do it without even thinking now

Hobbies: i love photography, reading, listening to music, playing music (learning guitar its hard lol), playing games (as i mentioned earlier), crochet, swimming (favourite form of exercise by far) theres definitely more but i cant remember lol

If you work, what's your profession? im not working rn but my last job I was a dental nurse and it was cool for a while, had a pretty big interest on teeth for a while lmao

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? ive wanted to be a professional body piercer for like i wanna say 3 years now and i didnt think could pursue it but roni (my beloved<3) has been encouraging me to do what makes me happy so ive been getting in contact with different studios so who know whats can happen, or a florist ive really loved that idea recently

Something you're good at: ive been told by friends that the pictures i take are good and my gf says im really good with kids and could be a teacher or smthn, i think personally im good at like welcoming people? im very shy and quiet but if i see someone looking uncomfortable ill just adopt them bc i know how much it sucks to feel like that

Something you're bad at: socialising, like i said im really shy and i can be quite awkward? but im trying to get better, im also kinda bad at being nice to myself? but again im working on it

Something you love: snowflake (my teddy bear), princess (my cat), snowy mornings, music, baking, dancing, swimming, reading im just listing hobbies now lmaooo i love so much stuff

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: oooo any of the books ive read, i could ramble about them for ages i fucking love talking about books ive read its the best (thats literally all that comes to mind but theres so much shit i could talk about for ages but im blanking again)

Something you hate: honestly? not much like actively like yeah politicians are bastards and the governments shit, of course, but apart from obvious things theres not much i guess, only thing i can think of is like playing dumb like people who act stupid for no reason it irks me so badly

Something you collect: keyrings, vinyl records (got tons after my grandad passed) and plushies

Something you forget: literally everything my memory is so bad as you can tell from how many times i said im blanking or cant remember lmao its not good

What's your love language? technically physical touch bc im a very affectionate person but i have friends who arent super comfy with physical touch so its not the be all and end all like i can love people through words and actions too but i just like to hug and kiss etc

Favourite movie/show: thats really fucking hard omg uhm okay so brother bear and bolt and strawberry shortcake(before they ruined it) have very special places in my heart from my childhood, from now hmm i love criminal minds, law and order svu, house md, call the midwife and tons more but those are the most recent ones i love

Favourite food: i might be biased but my gfs cooking bc she cooks me bolivian and spanish dishes all the time, some of my favourites are chorrellana, planchita, estofado de carne and arroz a la valenciana OH and also rosquitas theyre sooo tasty

Favourite animal: cows! i love them but i also love cats, dogs, snakes, rats, ravens and wolves (i have a raven and wolf tattoo) theres tons of favourites im not good at decisions lol

What were you like as a child? uhh lonely? very shy and quiet i was that kid who was always told to raise their hand more in class

Favourite subject at school? history, I fucking loved that and my teacher he was the best guy ever i loved him so goddamn much

Least favourite subject: maths omg i was so shit it was unbelievable i still hate it now idek how i managed to pass

What's your best character trait? hmm im not sure i always try to be kind and caring to everyone i meet, i think maybe my best trait could possibly be my patience? i dont lose my patience with many people i try to be understanding

What's your worst character trait? my poor self-esteem, its affected my relationships with people in the past and im working to improve it

If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? i mean getting a job i like and moving in with my gf would be nice! i mean those are gonna happen regardless but i wouldnt mind a quick speed-up lol

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? freddie mercury & david bowie but specifically in the 80s during the AIDS crisis bc i read about that shit all the time about how people buried their friends almost everyday it fucking breaks my heart but to hear about it from someone who lived it? unreal and bc they were so open and public too it would be interesting to see their perspectives, or steve irwin bc that man had such a light in his heart and joy for life and i think i could learn a lot from a conversation with him

tagging: @warmachinesocks @terramous @outofmyhead-justlikeyou @imagineacoolusername @myarmsaretoolong @yaoiadderall

[thesugarhole]

sanrio?? hello??

violin* and obsessed with money???? since when??? i mean. alright. i can give the violin to him AND cherry but its like, very barely there violin??

me to the sanrio ceo: "berry is violin" shut up if youve seen the stuff kuromi circa 2006 used to do youd hurl

also i dont think wallet status has ever been mentioned about these guys... in any media/franchise. they live in an abandoned looking mansion for the halloween aesthetic, not because of money. i can believe 'obsessed with money' but not 'poor'

hoping its either just google mistranslations or some recent developments ive been blissfully unaware of

>cinnamon

>her

its mistranslations. also this is personal headcanoning time based on how often the confusion happens but man you cant do this to cinnamon notorious trans man icon cinnamon. if he doesnt mind it then ill mind it for him djkhfdksj 'cherry is competitive and selfish' is correct btw this has always been her description. well maybe not competitive but definitely selfish. iirc it was always around "berry is stubborn cherry is selfish and theyre both tsundere" genuinely dont know where violin came from its gotta be a mistranslation on the nuisanse/stubborn aspect. i also dunno where 'weakness is strong-willed girls' came from, it might be talking about his friendship with cherry and how he might given in easier to what she tells him (at least i choose to think so) so i got no comment on it

all the pronouns being mismatched is so funny man come on shjfhdgfdsjvfdsjv is this profile using some sort of neutral language that left google confused as hell?

i. uh? should i be worried about espresso?

this ones... correct? espresso is more of a culture savant than a celebrity.... anyway berry if you kick him out there will be no one there to make you the food you love

nope! its magic and mirror manipulation. pranking is their hobby and favorite pass time but their magic is not limited to just the -its joke- context (sorry to once again quote the worst season ever of OMM, but they both tried to help out bakus family by making a photo of food they had emit scent, so the family would have an easier time eating plain rice. no jokering no jestering no clowning no malicious behavior whatsoever).

i remember being mentioned in older descriptions that berry had some potion making proficiency but they havent focused in that in years so who cares now amirite. i dont remember if cherry had any sort of distinction like this, theyve always overfocused on her crush on espresso :pensive:

"what about cherry"

"who? oh idk write smth about espresso again"

(hobbies include PRANKS, attempting to make friends (a general trait) making music (2018 rankings), having ballroom parties (cinnamon trip!! by oster project) and watching sentai/magical girl anime (onegai my melody). berrys particular hobby is to mess with cinnamon, cherrys particular hobby is to go after espresso. i guess.) (but again most of these are old one offs, and currently unfocused aspects of theirs so. whatever)

also i really would like to know the plans about the alt designs for them that are technically their true form and always show in their shadows and (sometimes?) in mirror reflections. it hasnt been completely dropped but, its never been hard defined either so idk. i guess i feel a bit bummed that its also been attempted to be forgotten to time because (to me feel at least) it feels very obviously based on the episode kuromi turned herself into a human and it could be something they were trying to establish to devil inspired characters back then.

thanks for coming to the lloromannic autism hour its nice to think about something else other than current personal events sometimes

*censorship

[sophieinwonderland]

i swear, i've been called you by SAS like twice. like, SAS, just admit you can't handle the idea of sophie having people liking her more than you /hj

but for real, why do people think you'd send yourself asks? in an entirely different typing style? is it because we agree (not even on everything, sometimes i disagree, and sometimes majorly, but i dont send anon asks about what i dont like bc im not mean about it) and they can't imagine people agreeing with you and not them? idk! guess a random twink in an entirely different US state (i presume at least) is actually secretly sophie i guess. do i get a "secretly SAS" knockoff flag? :D

anyway i think certain anti endos deserve to be ignored and not treated as nice because they THREATEN TO BASH PEOPLES SKULLS IN and use ableist language like 'split personality', but okay. maybe you went a bit too far and terrifyingly threatening, but it's something i kinda understand bc i, too, am angry at sysmeds and fakeclaimers and people who make this community unsafe.

thats why i use anon. im not sophie, but i cant show any primary accs because i am scared to not be on anon.

rambling, anyway. i have mc mods to download. do u like minecraft btw sophie? i found a new mod recently, called switchy, that allows you to have different profiles (with customizable options/modules on what gets saved to the presets like skins and nicknames and sizes on the scale mod tm)! gotta make this ask a positive ramble somehow

I don't know about a flag, but can I can give you this meme instead?😁

Anyway, we don't play Minecraft ourselves. I know, weird right? Modern people who grew up in the 21st century who DON'T play Minecraft? What's wrong with us? 😜

But I just looked the mod up, and it's so awesome that there's a mod made specifically for plural systems! Here's the link for anyone anyone interested!

[so0ppa]

hiiiiii. your art style is so cool and inspires me a whole lot.. i really like the way you draw faces and hair !! idk i just. have never seen an art style like yours before. there's something really unique about it. i also love the pencil brush you use. and your painting style is cool too!!!! it looks so nice and its bright in a good way. idk i just. love your art bjasjhdasjh. it makes me happy whenever you post it. im not sure how to word all of this sorry if this sounds weird……. what inspired your art style btw? :3 (if you were inspired by anything at all.)

hallo thanksz youu nonnie i appreciate all the compliments though i cant respond to much of it since im . bad at taking compliments. (like idk to me my art is just a pretty generic mish between cartoony western comics and anime (specifically like french "anime" iykwim) but yk to each their own and such i dont need to understand something to appreciate it)

and uh there's like no way to know what ive been inspired by as i have been drawing since forever and i dont have good memory past like a year or so back ... but ehh ill list off art i like and want to study/artists i find admirable and would like to be more like at this particular point i guess?

one piece anime (up to the major style change after time skip, tho the art for fan letter and the most recent arcs has been good from what ive seen), dunmeshi manga, witch hat atelier manga (havent read much of yet), drawfee (all 4 hosts lol), @/huyandere, @/toydrill, @/otrebot, @/stil-lindigo, @/flandrepudding, @/ottororin, @/temporal-garbage

and thats most i can think of off the top of my head lol.. um hope this isnt an overall disappointing answer idk.

[videostak]

didnt end up watching lovers live cause i ended up watchig almost famous w/ my sister it was alright u kno like meh one of those 70s nostalgia movies that kinda annoy me. like that and dazed n confused type stuff rly annoy me. philip seymour hoffman as lester bangs was v cool tho lol. like idk felt appropriate casting. the rest of the movie was like alright not bad but u kno it bieng autobiographical makes u kinda want more but also knowing that its restrained a lot by being a safe type autobiographical movie u kno. wathcing it tho makes me think abt my life and music and where i should be or where i should go hmmm. like that record store just straight up hired me w/ no experience or anything just cause ppl here have such dogshit taste that the stuff i was selling made me seem really cultured lol. and i dont even kno if ill be able to get a job at the store downtown cause i realized that i probably didnt get it the first time cause theres like. no contemporary music i listen to. I just theres nothing i feel worht listening toooo idk stuff ill be like oh tahts cool but really think they didnt give it to me back then cause like i didnt say much abt new music and to be bleak abt the current music scene would def be a red flag for them like to be truthful lol. like that and i listed tons of freakout shit like brotzmann no wave  minimalism etc lolll. thought like itd make me look real smart but realized it just made them think to not put me behind the register lol. anyways thats prooobably why i didnt get it tho honestly they couldve just already decided not to give it to me from the start since it was a interview i got from a ex friends friend so like couldve just all been a formality. another reason is i had mentioned recently getting the stones first album on cd and the interviewer wass like “u just started listening to the stones?” and i was like ya basically LOL so that also probably cost me the job lol... which is funny cause now im like a huge rolling stnes fan tbh like just rly totally understand why theyre as popilar as they are and like v much will praise the stones over stuff like led zeppelin n stuff lol wel i guuess that isnt sayying tooo much since i rly have a tolerate/hate relationship w/ music like zep and who. anyways if i do apply again im gonna try to list new artists even if its shit i dont actually listen to like honestly rn just thinking ummm harry styles,tennis,beach house,black midi, death grips, sophie, maybe some more. of the ones there i only actually have listenend to tennis black midi death grips and sophie. but gotta have a list like that just so they think i listen to contemporary stuff even tho i dont :P just like b4 i thought there were nice bands and there are nice artists like sophie for sure is up there but like kinda become disenchanted w/ so many modern groups just knowing who theyre shamelessly ripping off u kno like every modern indie artist doing a stephen malkmus type voice/delivery or sounding like a bad cocteau twins parody or like if mbv were muzak. u knooooo. but i obv cant say that cause like. the new stuff is what sells and what they have to be savvy on since its like u kno theyre selling that new. wiiiish i could be in some positiion where i could state my opinion and get paid and be honest and ppl respect me. i guess thats the point of a journalist but obv writing articles abt how much shit sucks and why u should only listen to real artists like the stooges or the nutty squirrels and stuff w/ real deep actual depth that are actually saying/doing something like the b52s or cluster isnt something that is like contemporary -_- liiike idk just need tooo make some money i guess but i think its insane when ppl acknowledge my personality and opinions so im like i should exist on that alone lol. even w/in the time that i got rejected for that job ive listened to so much more and could genuinely add more to that list even tho i get into music at a snails pace. like b4 i just put dub on the application but now ive truly heard more reggae and could just list both reggae/dub together instead of just dub. sucks tho appplying knowing they rly dont care abt music or passion and just need someone who knows whats goin on w/ t swift n harry styles T-T they should hire me cause i see visions of god when listening to einstein on the beach very loud and focusing on the flute

[becauseplot]

Hohh wednesdays are busy for me so that + brainfog tuesday + physics hell = lots of Things needed to happen yesterday, but im back :D

Ehehehhehe more Factorial fic for me to chew on. Even if I have no idea what's going on I'm sure I'll like it for at least the writing.

Love my gel pens so so so much. Love using them up completely to write. When I was in middle school, I was gifted one of those big ol pen packs of like forty fuckmillion cheap gel pens in every color imaginable, and I burned through them so fast while writing. I kept them all in the bottom of my backpack and the collection grew to the point where I could just pull out a literal fistful of used-up gel pens going like ":D" to weird out my friends.

Oof sorry you're under the weather. Hope you get to feeling better soon :( And yeah goddamn your sister to reiterate I am scared of her but she sounds awesome. I've got an older brother who is also very cool---headstrong guy, which both helps and hurts him lol. He's trying to become a bartender and honestly, it sounds like the perfect job for him. He's very personable and just loves to talk to people and get to know them, and bartending would be the perfect job for someone who just loves to People.

Tbh it wasn't until more recently that I could say that my brother and I are friends. We argued a lot as kids and then for a good number of years he was just...kinda someone who lived in the same house as me. And then. Idk I guess somewhere between me going off to school and both of us individually working/going through some Stuff we finally got to know each other? And he's like, actually my friend now. And last year he made it clear that he truthfully, genuinely cares for me and will be there for me and ueueuueueue 0(-( I've never really had anyone in my corner like that before. Like my parents are great and I love em to bits and I've had some amazing close friends, but there are some things that you cant tell your parents and there are some things your friends cant help you with, ya kno? (URGHH im getting choked up thinking about this /pos thinking of my brother as my friend still feels so surreal to me.)

Also he's a poet! And like a really fucking good poet holy shit. Like I knew he loved songwriting for a while and had performed at slam poetry nights but I didn't realize how good he was until he performed one of his pieces for us at a family function and I was. Floored. We talk about writing and word choice on occasion and most of our texting conversations consist of funny posts we send each other. It's nice.

Ghost child getting a gentle ending this is all I wanted for him <3

Ohhh chaos! There is a lot going on there, really looks like everyone is scattered trying to get a handle on the situation, ohh absolute nightmare. The detail of Pac with the Doctor who is armed is suchhhh a good one. Really illustrates their dire situation, where the person who heals is forced to take up arms. Traditional war says "honor code---don't kill the medics, leave the wounded alone" but this war does not give a shit about any of that. (which happens irl. which makes this feel very, very, very human despite the nature of their circumstances.) (or perhaps it is because of the nature of their circumstances.) (i remember watching a bit of a show abt an alien invasion starting in different locations all over the world, and at some point an American soldier, a man from an invaded middle-eastern town, and the man's family were driving away in a car having escaped the aliens for now, and the American soldier commented to the man about how the man's wife and children in the back seat seemed relatively calm despite Everything that had happened and Everything they had seen because, you know, alien invasion. and the man replied that this is hardly the first time that they've been "invaded" by "aliens". and i think about that a lot.)

Archivists so beloved fr. You're right about Cellbit having to take care of Phil, it's so interesting watching Cellbit have this borderline identity crisis about if he's a "good man" or if he's actually capable of being gentle and using his hands to heal instead of hurt while he's like actively wrapping bandages and helping Phil. and Phil is just sitting there like "awww yeah Cellbit my trustworthy friend my friend whom i trust i put my life in your hands because i trust you yesyes". On the other way around, Phil---always has food on hand, values sleep, health potions up the wazoo when he can get his hands on 'em---taking care of Cellbit---lives primarily off of coffee, sleep is a naught but a distant memory, most likely got a deep-seeded walk-it-off complex from his time in the war---also has potential. late night in the Order Phil looking at Cellbit walking in looking half-dead and Phil asking him if he's alright and wrestling out of Cellbit the fact that Cellbit hasn't eaten yet and hasn't slept in however many fuckin days, Phil staring at him like "damn bitch you live like this?? go to BED man holy shit" Alternatively, Phil sees Cellbit is doing badly but Cellbit brushes it off until Phil mentions he left something in the other room and Cellbit's like "oh i got it" and stands up from the table a little too fast and [WINDOWS SHUTDOWN NOISE]. (<-this has been living in my head for too long i just gotta string some more coherent plot along w it) I'm more silly with them tbh but they live in my head. Cellbit regaining conscious to Phil being like "yeah i think youre done for the night mate" and Cellbit being like "idk what youre talking about im literally awake now i didnt even hit my head" "because i caught you dumbass" "look im good i promise, we can keep going" and Phil giving him a Look "...im messaging Roier" "no, wait--"

Just,,, thinking about pre-purgatory and both of their histories, Cellbit growing up in a warzone and Phil's nebulous "survivalist" background. They both push themselves but Cellbit is terribly self-destructive with it. Phil, having lived a long life, knows better how to pace himself and take the breaks when he can so he can be prepared for when shit really hits the fan, meanwhile Cellbit over here trying to brute force his way through an ongoing crisis, soldier on, fight or die run or die kill or die, it's always the worst case scenario. And Phil looking at him and thinking, "Does he know he doesn't have to give 100% all the damn time? Does he know that's not how you survive a crisis?" Little does Phil know that surviving the crisis is not always part of Cellbit's plans. Idk chewing on them.

The ingredients for an Archivists AU/fic are still on the counter I just gotta get them organized into something coherent and then I can tell you more. But the idea that it'll center around is "Marginal acquaintances forced to work together because reality is being weird and there is Something Going On and no one seems to notice it but them." (Issue: I don't typically write mystery like at all. If I ever write it, it will be Difficult.)

Yeah time with friends! My pre-uni friends are by far my closest ones. I don't rly have anyone that I'm close to here at university (making friends here is. hard. and. still an ongoing process.) so I'm looking forward to spending time w them.

They deserve ALL of the blankets and hot chocolate and X-factor on the couch. The world hurts them enough :(((

Ohhh Duchess sounds interesting :0 by "your NPC" do you mean you played her or you just wrote her or both? Just to be clear lmao im curious.

Really sucks not being able to study archeology bc shit health :( but at least that corpse knowledge is being put to good use.

Tbh I don't ever watch reality TV. Like, ever, I hate it, it's boring. However, during finals week last semester, between study sessions and exams one of my roommates would watch Hell's Kitchen and I'd drop in every now and then and watch some of it with her and we'd laugh at how dramatic it was and how shitty the contestants were to each other and cuss out the assholes. Loads of fun.

God I love hugs too. Absolute horseshit that your health prevents you from getting one >:/ I haven't had a hug from a friend in *googles* 67 days. When I see my friends during spring break I am going to full-body tackle one of them and force them to just lay on the couch w me. Gonna take a nap on them. They won't move bc that would make me sad and they wouldn't want to do that because then I'll revoke their kneecap privileges :>

I know nothing about Pokemon but I trust your process :thumbsup: Man idek what videogames i played as a kid lmao what did i even do? I think i just played Minecraft, Kirby Mass Attack, Mario Kart, and various Mario Bros games on loop. Much much much later I just played Breath of the Wild over and over and over and over. Hence my well-loved but currently abandoned botw au(s).

Adding Eric's Song to the list! Epic. Shooting one back at you: How Far We've Come by Matchbox 20. My personal end-credits song tbh. Makes me insane. I took an Apocalyptic Literature class (ALSO an incredible class with an incredible prof) and it gave me a new appreciation for it.

finished ep 10 of osnf (long post under the cut oh lord)

crying sobbing kicking over chairs screaming CELLBIT IS AN EVIL EVIL MAN WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. FOR WHAT REASON. POR CUAL RAZÓN. LO ODIO. <-said with the utmost adoration and respect of a writer but the fury of a fan who just had to endure all of that my hearttttt 0(-(

god fuck i have thoughts and feelings regarding episode 10 of osnf. obviously. i don't even know how to start.

okay. first of all the way that he was able to orchestrate the like 57839 different POVs of the nightmare happening at the same time was actually pretty smooth, all things considered. being able to forcibly mute/deafen the others is a good thing to be able to do yesyes.

second, im losing my mind over how he hides the fact that "it's all a dream" WITHIN the "it's all a dream" trope by having the creatures be manifestations of dreams/guilt in "reality" themselves. idk if i'm making any sense, but like, you get it, right? like, it's the fact that we thought we had already discovered the dream-based deceit in the segment because of what the "Hotelier" told Joui at the start of it, but it turns out that THAT was a red-herring of sorts for the TRUE dream-based deceit, that EVERYTHING was a dream, not just the creatures. god there are fucking layers to this im foaming at the mouth that's soooo good.

i guess that's what makes the "it's all a dream"-style trope present here feel less cliche. because, you know, it is a trope, and it's not really a trope that i'm fond of, but because there's actually more going on, it feels less cheap. what certainly helps is that the fact that it's roleplay, so the reactions from the characters are so much more raw, and there are some irl stakes (character dead = out of the series = can't play anymore). that definitely keeps you on the edge of your seat.

edit: something i forgot to mention—what i dislike abt the “it’s all a dream” trope the most is that it is very easily something that can be so, so cheap. all angst, no stakes or consequences, no lasting impact on the plot on the characters. however, not only is there a “physical” impact via several characters losing SHITLOADS of sanity (something not easily recovered) but we get to see a little more into the psyche of the characters. which i suppose is often the point of the “it’s all a dream” segments, but this dream—one with a lot of references to past major character death and itself contains major character death—rings especially true for the themes of the series: the world they live in is dangerous, and the work they do is lethal. people have and will die. and they do and will feel guilty, reguardless if they are at fault. it’s not a horrifying death dream just for the sake of being a death dream, it feels grounded in their reality, and i love that.

third, man he did not hold back. when Arthur was being beaten to a pulp by not!Brúlio, i was actually in shock, i was screaming. plus, i think the fact that Cellbit rolled a 001 when not!Brúlio attacked actually helped to hide the fact that this was a dream. it made it look like it was bad luck rather than the segment was designed to kill the characters (well, at least until he revealed that the damage was 1d4+1d6, but i'll get to that later).

gosh the narration of how not!Brúlio killed Arthur. holy shit. i don't. i don't even have words, that is DEVASTATING. that is probably one of the worst ways for a person to go. i know it's a dream but if i were Arthur i would be emotionally fucked up beyond belief. beaten to a bloody pulp by the father who once loved you so much, screaming at you for abandoning him and that it's your fault he died a horrible death. and then he drops your body on the ground like you're nothing but a pile of useless meat. god. damn.

and then Liz. ohhhh Liz. i just. i was devastated. her whole struggle with Alex, the man she treated so horribly. yes it's true the real Alex never would have said these things to you, but how do you know he wasn't thinking it? that he didn't want to? that what not!Alex says doesn't hold some truth? christttt. and of course the way she dies: in complete agony. and did she forgive herself? because, unlike with not!Brúlio, the creature turned into that weird wispy black thing just as she died, and i would assume that means she forgave herself (if those rules even apply considering this was all a result of the parasite's deceit (holy hell my brain is melting i am the man with the hand on the conspiracy board)).

fourth: the 1d4+1d6 thing! when he read that out, i was stunned. that is a LOT of damage considering all of the characters have ~10 HP. with an extreme roll, that's basically an insta-kill, or it's easily a two-hit-kill. i thought Arthur was unlucky, but when Liz also went down, i was---well, devastated, at first, because that's Liz, she's my absolute favorite and i love her, but i started going through all five stages of grief at once, and at some point i arrived at "no that can't be right" because Cellbit is a good writer. and to deliberately construct a scenario where it would be VERY hard for a character to survive while still in the middle of the story? yeah. and yknow the fact that there's still 6 other episodes fhdsjk. (then again the series continues regardless if a character dies and i haven't looked at other episodes' thumbnails or anything like that for this exact reason. so. i was going in as blind as i could reasonably be.)

in any case, realizing and connecting all of this and then hearing the "Hotelier" start yelling at Joui right after Liz died explicitly blaming him for it sealed it for me: this is a trick of some sort. this is a dream sequence of some sort. these aren't real deaths. (a smaller part of me was still scared that they were real because i know that Cellbit does not shy away from killing off his players' characters, if op and opq are anything to go by. but i digress.)

and then the characters turned to black goo. and i just about threw my computer. rip Luba who got absolutely targeted by the GM lmfao.

anyway uhhh that's about it regarding the dream sequence! loving luzidius!joui and how he just keeps switching back and forth. ((and it further supports my little side-theory that the mysterious blond woman last seen with Team Kelvin was a luzidious we win these.)) i was surprised to see Liz thinking it was so cool when she's been so suspicious of everything in Santo Berco since she got here, but i think she could definitely be using it as a distraction from what she just went through, and honestly she's just happy to see Joui is okay. (the way she gave on up words and just hugged him, the way she held his face in her hands, the way she dragged him down the hall to show Thiago and Thiago was just telling her to fuck off (/aff) because he was getting dressed, my heartttt i love these three, mentor-mentee dynamics my fucking beloved)

also new outfits! sweet! istg the new outfits are so Cellbit's way of apologizing for putting his friends through that. "hey sorry i killed your character in the most emotionally devastating way possible it will happen again wOAH LOOK AT THESE NEW CLOTHES AREN'T THEY SO COOL YOU SHOULD TRY THEM ON!!!"

i've been having mixed feelings about the sudden setting/genre change since the group arrived in Santo Berco. i really, really loved the urban horror-fantasy vibe that they had going on in op and the first 8 eps of osnf, but evidently, this is good as well. the genre is most definitely still horror yippee. i definitely miss the urban-modern setting, but i think i can get adjusted to this. (i'm just,,, not the biggest fan of the auto-heal crystals im sorry i had to say it they feel too op i know their use is limited to visiting the doctor but knowing they exist lowers the in-world stakes for me im sorry---)

anyway, ep 10! you beautiful monster! i have been typing for an hour! i need to go eat food! k bye!

[agustd3]

SUGA x VALENTINO x Marie Claire Korea behind the scenes

[princesssmars]

cuffing season

a jim hopper x reader fic

el has been begging hopper to go see a concert of some new up and coming artist. hopper doesnt get the hype until he finally hears you sing.

wc : 1.266

contains: reader is famous and kind of. an 80s sza i guess ??? idk u perform cuffin season and hopper is whipped.

- s/n : stage name -

a/n: as soon as i heard this song i think we all thought of him. confirmed byt the dozens of edits ive seen and shared so yall saw this coming. enjoy.

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hopper loved jane with all his heart. her entrance into his life gave a new meaning to his world; a new sense of purpose (even if he sometimes likes to act like an all-tough macho man, almost everyone he was close to saw him for the big softie at heart he was.)

but god damn was raising a teenage daughter hard.

he gave it his all and he could tell that she knew it, remembering to say thank you after every nice gesture. she often liked to throw in a little hug as well. he was lucky she was a sweetheart.

but of course given her upbringing in a government lab and being suddenly thrust into the modern world, she wanted more. she wanted to fit in.

so hop wasnt surprised when she asked to go to her first concert.

she had seen a commercial on the television for it at mikes house while hanging with the party, the artist being a woman called s/n who was going to perform some of her songs that had become very popular recently. hopper only listened to his favorite stations, so hes never heard of her songs on the radio.

but, it was the middle of fall nearing winter, and there wasnt much to do in hawkins this time of year, so he reluctantly agreed to drive jane and the party to indianapolis to go see the concert.

(hes barely able to survive the drive. he loves these kids but jeez could they talk about everything but nothing for hours.)

eventually they check in at their overnight hotel before heading to the outdoor venue, their seats being more near the stage.

(this trip cost quite a pretty penny but only the best he could get for them of course.)

its chilly and even snowing a bit but none of the people here even seem to mind, most on the edge of their seats while waiting for the show to start.

jane and max are excitedly whispering amongst themselves while the boys watch on and occasionally join in.

as the lights start to dim in preparation for the show, hopper catches dustin bouncing on the balls of his feet with a big smile on his face.

"what are you so giddy about? probably just gonna be some regurgitated pop songs..." hopper mumbles, confused at the boys excitement.

"no way! you obviously havent heard her most recent song. ever since it came out girls have been all over me. im dedicated to susie but its super cool."

hopper is about to ask him to elaborate when the screams of hundreds suddenly rings out, the lights on stage coming back up to officially start the performance.

when the lights turn on and the music starts, hopper can feel his breath get caught in his throat at the sight of you.

you, probably the most gorgeous woman hes ever seen, looking like an angel in a red fur coat ready to bless the masses. hes too busy staring straight at you that he barely registers your greeting to the audience, and only starts to pay attention when you start singing.

its cuffing season

and all the girls are leavin

to get a big boy

i need a big boy

give me a big boy

your lyrics and the confidence you give while saying them makes his face flush like a damn teenager. he cant remember the last time (or any time for that matter) where he heard a song targeting someone built like him, most songs in the radio desiring someone younger, thinner, and more muscular.

there are other woman singing/rapping along with you saying little jokes about bigger guys that granted do make him chuckle a bit. but even though your part in the song is small, he mostly keeps his eyes on you.

near what hes sure is the closing of the song, as you sing your repeated chorus and move along to the music, your eyes lock on his and his heart damn near stops when your smile widens after looking him up and down, singing while directing the lyrics to him.

its cuffin season

and now weve got a reason

to get a big boy

i want a big boy

give me a big, big, big boy

you wink at him before turning your attention back to the audience, wrapping up the song before continuing the rest. hopper feels a tugging on his arm, looking down at his beaming daughter who looks happier than hes ever seen her.

"shes so pretty! and i love her voice! isnt this so cool?!" she shouts over the music, slightly jumping up and down in excitement.

hopper smiles at her enjoyment, slightly chuckling along with her. "yeah, yeah shes cool, hon."

throughout the rest of the concert hopper finds himself enjoying it more and more, his eyes staying on you nearly the whole time. you make eye contact a few more times, and each time you send a flirtatious smile in his direction.

eventually the performance comes to a close, the kids still hyped and buzzing talking about their favorite parts. just as they're about to head out a security guard stops them.

"is there a problem? one of these kids didnt so something, did they?" jim asks, sending a pointed look in the kids direction, all of them standing still as statues.

"no, nothing wrong at all sir." the guard assures. "s/n is having a vip meet and greet backstage and invited your party to say hello and get some autographs."

hopper doent think hes ever seen the kids get so excited so quickly, but then again they were going to meet their first celebrity.

when its finally their time to meet you, you give them a great big smile and "hello!". you act so well with the kids, answering any question they have and taking a multitude of pictures. he stares on in fondness until you turn your attention to him.

"hi, your daughter told me your name is jim, right?"

"everyone just calls me hopper." he responds, trying to hide how hes slightly nervous in your presence. it was t everyday he met someone equally talented and drop dead gorgeous. "i uh...liked your song. the first one."

"mmm, pretty sure you more than liked it." you tease him, laughing when he looks away from you. "im glad you enjoyed it. me and my friends just wanted to show more love to guys of our type."

"your type huh? and im guessing by how you kept looking at me id fit in to your criteria?" he asks you bluntly, feeling proud when he sees you slightly flustered.

"youd more than fit, trust me-" youre blatant innuendo is cut off by your manager tapping you on the shoulder, whispering in your ear that you should start wrapping things up.

a deep sigh leaves you, sharing just another little moment with him before moving back to your table, writing something on a note and giving it to him with a smile.

he doesnt have time to look at it until later on during the drive home, most of the kids having tuckered themselves out from talking about the show and falling asleep one by one. he carefully pulls the note out of his jacket pocket, holding it in one hand while he drives with the harder.

its your name and number, with just a sentence of writing below them.

call me whenever youd like, big boy.

and in that moment, hopper has never been more grateful for his daughter.

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a/n: i dont have anything to say need him bad. bigger boys girls nd everyone in between we love yall. thanks for reading <3