#i cant get them right half the time
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A Crusty boi Crust by @mothiepixie <3 who witnessed me torture myself by completely going off the original path of "it's just a sketch"
#my art#caycantdraw#caycantdoodle#rendered sketch#papyrus#papyrus au#swapfell i think#i cant get them right half the time#lmfao#undertale au#crust papyrus#mothiepixie ocs#i love crusty boi alongside boysen#but i admit his brother is adorable#gotta ice the wrist now teehee#cays fanart
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i will cashapp $10 to the first person who can name 3 real life harmful things bob bryar did without accusing him of thought crime
#wordvomit#this isnt to say the things he said or thought are good or justifiable- just to point out that he never ACTED on them in any capacity#meanwhile he is being socially prosecuted to the extent as if he has. during such an awful time for his loved ones who are the only ones#who will be exposed to all this hate. possibly including the members of mcr#i understand thinking the things he said are sick and disliking him and being uncomfortable at the discussion but.#i dont understand how you can honestly morally justify half of the stuff people have been saying- like 'he deserved it' and whatnot#without contradicting the 'thoughtcrime isnt real' sentiment i see get thrown around so often ?#isnt the Overarching issue with conservatism as a whole not the idea of . moral purity and puritanism and#'everyone. everything and every idea ontologically different from mine and my communities-#they are objectively worse and i deserve power over them as retribution for what they've done'#ie colonialism. racism. yadda yadda#these are false comparatives bc discrimination based on unchangeable factors vs backlash to opinion is vry different but i still think#the core idea of 'no one who has not enacted harm deserves harm wished on them' kinda shines through it all#and there is a semantic debate to be had about the definition of harm but in this case i am using it to mean anything more Tangible#something that has a wider influence than 'the people who read/heard it were upset and uncomfortable' yea ?#im been waffling about this a lot and why it hasnt been sitting right with me as someone who is incredibly uncomfortable with a lot of his#final statements#it just reminds me so much of my dad and what ive watched him go through#as well as other people in my community during the pandemic#i cant disconnect myself from the humanity of that. especially while condemning him for lacking humanity
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Gotta love that we have nearly all the named konoha kunoichi (minus Tsunade, Kurenai, and a few other even more minor kunoichi)
AND YET. the guys still outnumber them.
Still. 5/12 is still way more than we usually get (since it's normally teams of like 1/4 to 1/8 or so)
Wow the female characters ratio in naruto is absolutely atrocious.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#still tho. im happy to see these 5 here. i'll savor the Almost half of the whole group ratio while it's here#of course 4 out of 5 of the girls are on the sealing team bc they have 'better chakra control'#aka 3 of them are medical ninja. and then theres hinata who's a gentle fist user.#naruto even comments on this. says girls must just have better chakra control. then points out that Tenten is Not on the sealing team#bc she is Not as good at it. that girl's a weapons nut. thank you.#i do love this anime so dearly but the misogny in the writing is so continuously vexing.#like better chakra control sounds like a good thing. except then you realize that's because they lack the brute force of the guys#even sakura and tsunade. known for their super strength. it's because of chakra control rather than pure muscle.#and this turns into many of the girls being healers (because it requires chakra control)#which means they end up shoved to the back and out of action Most of the time.#if they do get a moment up front it's very brief and they end up injured.#hinata who became a captive in that crystal. ino who ultimately did very little in the Avenging Asuma plan.#and ykno Tenten is here at least instead of being ignored like she is Most of the time#but her fighting ability is still far too basic. she's on a team with Neji and Lee for gods' sake! the taijutsu freaks!!!!#her entire thing is physical attacks. kenjutsu and shurikenjutsu. why not taijutsu too??!?#bc that would have a girl fighting with her fists rather than just throwing weapons. and we cant have too much of That.#sakura's most of the allotment to that. hinata should be doing that too but she just kinda sucks shit in battle.#shes trying her best but Wowza. kurenai is Not doing a good job at training her.#we have all these female characters but most of them r gonna be busy sealing#and i bet most of the fighting is gonna fall right back on the guys. frustrating.
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how i think asgzc handles being/behaves while sick
(except im actually projecting because im really sick and miserable and mildly (very) delirious)(also this was written mostly in the short period between like 30 min fever dream plagued naps… so its all over the place and don’t expect accurate characterization)
angeal: hes that one motherfucker that can have a high fever and will still insist on doing everything, he could be on his deathbed and still trying to do stuff and care for everyone else until everyone else literally forces him to stop and rest, and even then he will still try to downplay his illness and worry about everyone else
sephiroth: realistically he doesn’t get sick but like… we’re ignoring that… he’s absolutely pitiful but without even meaning to be, like he’s perfectly fine being alone and letting it run its course but he ends up just looking so pitiful that genesis and angeal can’t resist him, they won’t leave him alone and end up trying to comfort sephiroth in any way possible, and upon trying to cuddle him, sephiroth will immediately cling to them, betraying his original ability to be alright alone
genesis: gets super clingy and whiny and refuses to let sephiroth or angeal leave him alone, inevitably forcing them to get sick with him, and hes total crybaby the entire time, needing reassurance about everything he has ever done and will ever do because for some reason being really sick makes him reflect on himself which makes him emotional and regret everything he’s ever done and fear that he isn’t good enough for sephiroth and angeal, all the emotional baggage and insecurities come flooding out until he cries himself to sleep again, wakes up from the strangest fever dream, clings to whoever is closest and the cycle continues, only breaking every so often when he forces sephiroth and angeal to feed him or they force genesis to take medicine, all the necessities ect.
zack: whiny clingy and needy, will cling to cloud like his life depends on it and uses cloud as a living teddy bear, unable to be left alone because if anyone even mentions leaving him alone for a second he immediately starts looking like a kicked puppy and clings on even tighter, desperate to be comforted, and needs to be distracted often from the fact that he is sick or else he will complain about how shitty he feels 24/7, also he will throw a fit and refuse any medication like a child until angeal either shoves a pill down his throat like a dog or crushes it up and hides it in some kind of food… also like a dog… angeal basically has to employ every dog medicine giving tactic
cloud: tries to isolate and let the illness do its thing, not wanting to get anyone else sick, and also not really wanting anyone else to see him sick and think he’s weak because he thinks every little thing, including unavoidable things like getting sick, will make him seem weak, but zack refuses to leave him alone, trying to comfort cloud in any way possible, trying to tend to every single one of clouds needs and constantly makes sure cloud is okay, although cloud tries to push zack away because he doesn’t want zack to get sick, plus unfortunately zack can get a bit stressful and be a bit of a pain in the ass to handle at times
#… maybe i projected really hard on one of them in particular… no one will ever guess who…#the answer is genesis and part of it is actually based off of a specific time i got sick as a kid#i am miserable and feel super shitty and cant do much so im doing what i can… making a questionable post i probs wont remember later :)#but that kinda seems like part of the fun!#unleash it and let others determine how much sense your half asleep sick fever dream brain makes#im not thinking straight at all i’ve been sick for a few days already so im slightly better now but not enough to think right yet#but then i also get to figure it out and make sense of it when im better enough to think :)#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy 7#crisis core#asgzc#angeal hewley#sephiroth#genesis rhapsodos#zack fair#cloud strife
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whoever decided this was a good idea to stick in the pass as a mission i want you to know i hate you sooooo bad.
#cliffnotes/.txt#whb#there werent any of these last time so i just used all the ones i saved last time to get a boost before i started w/ this one right?#had i known i would have saved them.#but honestly it wouldnt have mattered either way bc u cant choose how many get used#ive been stuck on the same tier for half a week now bc it takes so long to gather enough coins
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i follow you wherever you go
#art tag#regular art... of sheepys in a field#to be honest to everybody... everything feels really bad and scary right now. really really bad#and especially really really really scary. moreso right now. so its been hard to feel motivated#to do anything besides what keeps me alive. and that includes drawing. i havent really felt like it since i finished the zine piece...#i wish i had some positive to say to this but its hard to feel positive when it feels like the next 3 yrs of your life will be a nightmare#and you know this feeling very well from almost half a decade ago. an ugly fear on your shoulder. if you know you know...#well. i dont know. wishing for a brief escape would be abandoning those who cant escape. so its hard to get anywhere with this.#so i suppose all i will say is keep those you love closest to you and cherish them. you have to love more now than ever. you must#because we never know when we may not see each other for a very long time. love those you love. love new people#even if everythings upside down and nightmarish love is all we got... why shouldnt we offer relief when we can?#though i havent felt like drawing i thought putting my thoughts into art form would help a little. i follow you no matter where you go#and hopefully where we end up is warm and nice.#apologies if that was insanely yap-y and also corny. i suppose i owe some sort of explanation for my absence
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i miss my friends so bad
#ill be seeing them again after a year#once i get through my finals#but i always get this sinking feeling that the time apart is too large#and one day ill come back and ill find that no one missed me while i was gone#that everyones lives have moved on without me#and im stuck right where i was when i left them at 19#its been three years#one has graduated#shes applying to grad school and the others will be done this year#and i just barely hit the halfway point of my degree#i cant help but feel like im being left behind#but thats hardly fair#im the one who left#its not my place to be bitter about it when it was in my hands to change the outcome#but i miss them so bad#id give anything to have had this time with them instead of being all alone half the world away#From rain
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if graham thought the used to be a man thing was just joking and like 5 minutes earlier she said she used to live in the outback for 123 years, he also definitely doesnt have ANY idea how old she is does he
#oh the fun they'll have in support group trying to figure out the doctor's age#graham sitting there just staring for the first 10 minutes like 'oh IMMORTAL immortal. like immortal? like. okay. uh huh. thats. okay.'#thats gotta rewrite like at least half your idea of a person right#im not convinced he or ryan really have an idea of what regeneration means#i think yaz a little more#but not like. really#and yaz was also so taken aback meeting ace and tegan like#other companions get that 'oh youve had lots of people like me' usually kinda early on#get their little jealousy moment#but they NEVER had that#like meeting all these old companions first already must be a bit of a........like rearrangement in your brain#like 'oh but if youre me. and you did this 40 YEARS ago. then uhhhh. the doctor is older than she looks'#and then someone drops a 'yeah when i knew them they said they were 700' and youre OH. OKAY.#like you thought you were travelling with just sort of a weird fucked up guy but then it turns out it's a weird fucked up guy#who has been doing this for longer than your country exists#12 voice: im old enough to be your messiah#fgkjghjkgh#like thats your bud! dfgkjhgjk thats just your fucked up little pal who cant drive what do you mEAN TWO THOUSAND#two THOUSAND years and you still drive THIS badly???#i hope clara comes to the support group some time#she could blow at least the fam's minds a little i think#she knew the last one!#she can provide CONTEXT#between missy and 12 she can provide some GREAT context#also bill i think bill + yaz would be FUN#like hoo boy#bill can fill them in on the master too#feel like missy definitely gets wind of it 'ive been up and down your timeline' and drops by. a couple of times#trying to pass herself off as a companion#doesnt work for super long mostly bc shes just there to Cause Problems On Purpose but it does work for a Bit
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#ive literlly tried everything i laid down on the floor i cleared allm#my tabs ive cleaned my desk i drank water#WHY IT NO DO#I WAS LITERALLY FINE UNTIL READING WEEK STARTED WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GRIND#I know we shouldnt praise grind work culture but this is different i am literally in hell#spewing random shit out ofmy mouth hoping that will get it out. AND THE FURNAE IS GETTIJG FIXED THERES A WEIRDSMELL IN MY ROOM#cant i just open my head and shake it around a few times until soimething happens i hate it here#i want t draw but i also have to do my group project but i also have to do my coding project which i hate but i also h#also fuck group projects i like my teammates theyre cool but i dont want to drag them down just because my brain doesn work with me half th#time#even right now as im typing this out will not solve anything bro im literally gnna stare at this for a good 5 minutes and then do something#that is still NOT WORK#yapping#vent#idk if this is vent im just very very angry at myself
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Oh, hello, gorgeous. I hardly recognize you. Did you get work done?
DRAFTED POST EDIT:
FUCKING SLUT. Fucking INTONATED slut. You think you're SO SHARP. Well, NOT ANY MORE, all strapped in, tuned up, fucking TOY. You loud-mouthed whore. Gonna make you scream for ME, next. Yeah, that string you just broke? That's gonna cost ya. Don't worry. I'll make you work it off.
#((im so sorry venom baby did it hurt when i broke that string on you pls dont be mad babe ill learn to play medium gauge pls honey))#fr tho spent all fucking day tuning him up and deep cleaning and exploring every nook and cranny to see what can be maintained#i dont have measuring tools but thank god the truss rod doesnt seem to be giving me any reason to adjust it#the issues seem to have been with the intonation paired with the super high action i was using before#only like a half turn shorter on the saddle bridge piece (after id removed n put the piece back on) and the tuner went from sharp to in tune#i may need to move that lower even bc the 3rd and 6th saddle are maxed and like 1 hairs worth sharp but this is a lot better than before#im not touching all of that again its fine. my new problem is going from light to medium gauge lmao#wouldnt be as bad if the action were low but i like it high so im just gonna have to be the painslut next#broke one string bc whoa guess who forgot to lower the bottom bridge before twisting those knobs#i was literally like 'okay this is too tense this cant be right somethings off' !#* ... and SNAP lost number 5 lmao. had to open a new pack bc the spare single 5th string is like 0.01 off of the set packs#and that would drive me nuts knowing that so i had to open a new pack#anyway hes all tied up and ready to go. unfortunately im ready to go to sleep.#prob shouldve waited to string him up but ill play w him tomorrow anyway. gotta get used to this gauge since its all the packs i have#shouldve ordered my own sets but id rather just get used to medium anyway since i wind up tuning to drop d and c all the time now#guitars#Cori.exe#Image.exe#suggestive#lmao#man why didnt i take a before picture#my boi was lookin so dusty#i gotta clip those string tips closer later too ugh that was not fun trying to wedge the slipped piece between two coils as i wound them#shouldve just done straight coils under the slipped end. but you know me. cant do anything straight#btws venom has a cock ring on his strap. sucks putting it on tho holy shit#my hands are too cold for this
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2025 needs to be the year i finally am free of my ENTIRE family like i need to be alone alone. for this to become reality i would have to move but that not a reality right now and if i was to move i want a nice house nice as is not in need of any repairs idc if its "outdated" honestly i'd love to live in a house that looks like it was built in the 90s that seems so homey and cute. i don't wanna rent because at this point i'm realizing i'm a person who has a lot of stuff and idk that a tiny apartment would be able to hold me
#ok i never talk about it but when my grandmother died in 2021 i inherited her house#it was supposed to be just mine but my mom had to get involved so now its mine and my brothers and i constantly have to deal with him just#popping in whenever he wants which is like literally half the reason i never date and have no friends#cuz i can never fucking be alone#bro i got more alone time in college#and when my brother had a girlfriend it was worse like id have to leave whenever she was over#of course i didnt have to but its a tiny house and i didnt want to be around them#also i didnt like her lmao idk we were just like very opposite its not PERSONAL though she seemed to take it that way#not that i said 'hey i dont like you' but she was reading my posts on my old blog when i would vent about her and him#anyway also the house is right next to my parents house and as i said my mom cant mind her business#lol i need to MOVE#very grateful to own a home do not get me wrong im just sick of my family
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who up getting autistic over a podcast theyve never seen
more under cut idk if theyll format or not... beware
some of these i just did some of these are old
some of these are the drawing style thing i did sooo.... in order... : FIRST THROUGH FOURTH IMAGE peter drew those :-) FIFTH rumi drew that one :-) SIXTH exandroth drew those :-) SEVENTH peter drew that one :-) self portait EIGHTH rumi [bad at art edition] both NINE and TEN i dont remember if they were ment to be peter or just me goofin... so picjk ur poison LOL ELEVEN thats peter LAST THREEEE meeeeee :3 9-10 and 12-14 are the older ones everything else i did last night / this mornin'
#jrwi#jrwi apotheosis#angelstone#sqlumi#................i prefer sqlumi.... why did name it angel stone thats like exandroth + peter not rumi + peter its confusing to me#im sorry i watched the angelstone cut like half a year ago#IM SOOO AUTISTIC ABOUT THEM YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA MAN YOU HAVE NO CLUE SOSHAKSHLSXHLDHDJDJKRKFKF#i cant contain it anymorw im going to post my cringe#quite a few of these ones are from my little handwriting drawing things where i make up their handwriting and art style tee hee#i think rumi either SUCKS ASS at drawing or can decently draw in an anime esque style#i imagine peter has a lil bit of artistic abilities... he did paint a ton of mug paintings if i remember right????#he aint the best but he can do it#thanatos has 0 skill because he has never drawn anything ever until this hypothetical situation where theyre drawing and writing this all#exandroth adapts peters skill to an extent#peter tries to follow the rules taught to him about writing as a child to a T soooo he has generally neat handwriting if hes thinking abt i#but if hes tired or just out of it idk#you cant get one word man that shit is just complete chicken scratch even he cant figure it out sometimes LOOLLLL#rumi also has very neat handwriting HOWEVER i love the idea that she hams it up to be really swirly like that one girl in elementary#thanatos is very stiff and neat might as well just be font...#exandroth is either writing in full caps or alternating between whatever ver of a letter he wants to write at any time#VERY heavy handed and goes over every line like 3 times#when writing his name EVERYTIME he writes exandroth archangel of retribution everytime#if you guys wanna see what i have so far.... you can ask.... hehe#theyre my ocs at this point man i havent seen the damn campaign#i would just make them my ocs but my brain immediately loses interest whenever i do that uuuuggghhhhg#i mean i have a beast moomin furry thing peter and an object oc peter bur#*but like idk#btw i have like waaayyy more to say but i reached tag limit <////333 tumblr hates autistic people real#ill just retype it all in the next post ^.^*#archive
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heol
#⠀ᶻᶻ⠀turn it up!⠀#unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc i’ve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the ‘he doesn’t fit’ is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ‘didn’t fit’ into the four that they were without him but. he’s lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jy’s in ‘08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jg’s first boygroup#they ltr would’ve debuted in 2013 if it wasn’t for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. he’s not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now he’s lonely here and now apparently he’s in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech 😭😭😭 tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all he’s not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhae’s literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP he’s not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. he’s mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. he’s mad at shit that’s never happened and he’s never gonna stop#the ‘why did you fall for me’ though.. that’s him to min like#he feels like he’s conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay
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Yoooo Voli I made ya a Electrochemistry × Volition playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/19Au6o98AzOf4hEGLMHKtB?si=7kBYYWAhSR-TuLPYicpgYg&pi=a-iR4K2sFbQsWA
also I can't DM you bc you don't follow me, LEMME IN PLS :3
oh hi hello! oooh, hold on, lemme add the link so its clickable. some cool songs in here, thank you for sharing :D!!
also yeah, sorry! :'3 DMs make me nervous and uncomfortable unfortunately, and i much prefer communicating through asks and comments if thats cool!!
#coffee is an EXTREMELY good one for them. i understand the vision of this one PERFECTLY. ''just a sip!'' ''maybe a cup of self-control''#politely considering the implications of love like you. ''if i could begin to do something that does right by you'' as echem and ''i could-#even learn how to love like you'' as voli. i cant put this into words. echem self aware he's fucking it up. voli not letting himself give#into vices like love. traits they look at each other at first with a scoff (''you keep suggesting vices that will hurt harry.'' ''maybe let#yourself have a good thing sometimes you killjoy!'') but they better each other. echem looking forward to better things; little joys#voli learning to allow those little joys and love. is this anything?? i just want them to help each other heal.#and then dead girl walking. thinks about it and smirks to myself slightly. yeah. yeah i get it lmao.#left brain right brain is just a big musical number with several skills taking different lines#left brain: logic; ency; viscalc; voli; authority?; esprit; endurance?; pain thresh; h/e coord; interfacing; composure#right brain: rhetty; drama; concept; inland; empy; suggestion; phys inst; ECHEM.; half lit; savvy; react speed#shiv isnt here because she will not be involved in this lmao. percep is just chilling. it's senses baby!! it's not getting in on this lmao#this is so sad for my empath and voli bestie agenda but alas.#anyway may i suggest: 'A Lovely Night' from La La Land | 'Bad Little Boy' from Adventure Time | 'Weak' by AJR | 'Sweet Talk' Saint Motel#and on my bullshit as usual: ''From Eden' by hozier because ''chivalry fell on his sword / i slithered here from eden'' is so volichem :]#volta transmissions#esprit: Zo
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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