#shes applying to grad school and the others will be done this year

[3-2-whump]

Sequel is here

Hi everyone,

Thank you thank you thank you for sticking around for the follow-up story to Eternal. I want to acknowledge my beta readers @whumped-by-glitter and @generic-whumperz , who have probably read like five versions of this same damn chapter. Thank you for sticking it out with me you two, I couldn’t have done it without you ❤️

Some quick asides, I don’t know/can’t guarantee this is gonna have the same consistent updating schedule as the previous story. Irl nonsense like job woes and trying to apply to grad school have been demanding more of my energy than I’d like to give, but I will try to update regularly. Thanks for the understanding in advance 🙏🏽

Well, without further ado…

Mountain Bike

TW/CW: allusions to past whump. You could probably start the sequel without reading the first story, though, but if you want to know exactly what our main character is running from, I highly recommend The Morgue

Dr. Vikash Gill was having a great day today. He’d gotten up early, went to the gym a few blocks away from his house, and came back home to make a quick toast and coffee. He went well into his first few hours as a resident doctor in the emergency department without any serious injuries to treat. In the background, on every television and phone screen, news about the murder of a well-known mob boss spread like wildfire, with suspicious undertones of gang activity throughout the tight-lipped reporting from the news outlets. Now, he was on the way back to the hospital from his quick lunch break at the café around the corner, ready for another five or six hours of work.

Like most people in the medical profession, he loved and hated his job, and like most people in the medical profession, he had plenty of stories to tell. From bullet wounds to stabbings and a whole host of suspicious injuries in between, Vik had treated it all at this point, and he had received every fantastical story and explanation with an apathetic indifference.

Like his mentor Dr. Kimura had said, “We’re doctors, not detectives, the best thing we can do is to shut up, treat their wounds, and get them out the door ASAP,” or something like that. Whatever she told him almost a year ago seemed to stick though, as he stitched up every gang member and staunched the blood flow of every mafia soldier without so much as a blink of an eye.

There were more than a few times where Vik wished he had studied medicine in a small-town rural community instead, somewhere where the biggest injury was something normal like a tractor accident. During those times, he’d make himself remember the ‘mountain bike accident’ that he treated just over a year ago.

The man was a few years younger than him, according to his charts, but his small, skinny frame and big, sad eyes made him look even younger. He had a unique set of tattoos, singular black bands on his neck, wrists, and ankles. He came in completely naked with a broken nose, hand-shaped bruising all over his body, a torn rectum, and a back carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey. The older man who came in with him –Thomas J. Costa, the dead boss who most probably fucked with the wrong gang and found out– claimed all those wounds were merely a ‘mountain bike accident.’ Vik knew that was bullshit, yet there was nothing he could do at the time, being only a med student. Now, with a little more freedom and experience with being a licensed doctor, he hoped that he would be able to help that poor guy, and other people like him, should the opportunity ever come up again.

A chime went off on his phone just as he rounded the corner on his way back to work. Vik fished around his pockets for his phone, not looking where he was going until an unexpected force collided into him at speed. It knocked him back on his feet a little and pushed his glasses askew up his face. Vik completely forget about his phone for a second as he began to curse out the stranger who’d just run into him. “Hey! Watch it you-…wait…” Vik adjusted his glasses. The curses died on his tongue as he came face to face with a familiar young man with a dark floof of hair, the saddest dark brown eyes, and a visibly distinct tattooed band on his neck. He may have been fully clothed now, in a thick black hoodie and skinny jeans with a suspiciously growing red stain on the right thigh, but Vikash Gill would recognize that tattoo and those sad brown eyes anywhere. He remembered the ‘mountain bike accident’ that forced them to cross paths; he may never forget that night as long as he lived. “Mountain Bike?!” he asked incredulously.

“A doctor, oh thank god!” the stranger exclaimed. Whether it was Vik’s scrub pants, sweater emblazoned with the hospital logo, or his ID tag that tipped him off, the stranger visibly melted with relief before surging toward him with desperation. “Help me!” The young man’s chest was heaving as he panted around every word. His face shone with sweat and exertion.

Vikash took a step back. “With what?” he asked.

“I need to hide!”

He glanced around the corner where Mountain Bike had come from, but nobody was coming. “From whom? Why?” The stranger wobbled on his injured leg, and Vik instinctively reached out to catch him. “Did you do something? What did you do? What happened to your leg?” he demanded. It was clear that he had been running from something–or someone–and the desperation in the stranger’s eyes as he looked up at him put pressure on Vik.

“I didn’t do anything–well, okay, I might’ve headbutted my new owner and ran away–”

“Whoa, whoa, back up–what do you mean?”

Mountain Bike gripped onto the front of Vik’s jacket, locking eyes with him. “I know this sounds crazy, but I’m telling the truth!” he insisted. He stepped back to give the doctor more space. “Look, you remember me, right?” His eyes searched his hopefully as he put on a strained smile of friendliness. “You sewed up my back last year, do you remember?”

“Sure I do,” he answered, “but I don’t see how–”

“I’ve been held against my will the last several years and I finally have a chance to escape. I’m not making this up, I promise! Please, take out my tracker and I’ll be able to prove everything, just help me!” Mountain Bike begged.

“But, what about your leg?” Vik asked, watching the stranger wobble when he tried to put weight on it.

“Screw the leg! I’ll be fine, I need the thing that tells them where I am out of my body now!”

 “Still though,” Vik rationalized, shaking his head, “how can I trust you?” The guy seemed pathetic enough, but Vik didn’t know him, and wasn’t about to allow himself to be robbed blind or stabbed to death just because he felt sorry for someone.

Mountain Bike quickly detached from Vikash’s side, extending his arms outwards as he stood in a T-pose. “Search me. I’ve got no weapons, and I’m too weak to hurt you in any way that counts,” he said. He flapped his arms a little. “Well, go on, search me!” he urged.

What the fuck did I get myself into? Vik sighed, wondering how he was going to explain to work how late he was from lunch break. Still, the stranger’s jumpy movements and quiet desperation seemed like they were coming from a real place of fear. Vik reluctantly gave the stranger a rudimentary pat-down, like the ones he’d get at the airport. He didn’t miss the way Mountain Bike flinched under his touches, even though searching him was his idea. He stood at least a head taller than the man, so he was able to catch a glimpse of black ink behind his ears. A barcode, and ‘TJC’? He frowned, thinking there might be some credibility to Mountain Bike’s story after all. The enigmatic little puzzle pieces that surrounded Mountain Bike for a year had finally started to assemble into a picture of what had really occurred that night in the emergency department. Once he confirmed that Mountain Bike was unarmed, he stepped back, and the stranger dropped his arms from the T-position. “Okay, you’re unarmed,” he confirmed. “But, how do I know you’re telling the truth? No offense, but I hear a lot of tall tales in my line of work. How do I know you’re in danger and this isn’t some kind of mental breakdown?”

Mountain Bike let out a pained sound somewhere between a groan and a whine. “Come on, man! Do I gotta show you everything?”

Vik fell back on concussion check protocol. “What’s your name and date of birth? What date is it today?” he asked

Mountain Bike sighed. “Khaled Bakhsk, November 22, 1999. Today’s February 22, 2022,” he recited with a roll of his eyes. “I can’t give you the exact time it is, but it’s after noon. Now come on, take me to the hospital and take out my tracker?” Mountain Bike begged.

“Why do you even have a tracker?” Vik asked.

“Because. I’m. A. Slave,” Mountain Bike spelled out. He huffed a frustrated sigh. “You know what, I don’t know what it’ll take for you to believe me, but if you at least find it and take it out, I swear I will never bother you again!” His voice was edged with desperation as he cast Vik the saddest, darkest puppy-dog eyes underneath his long lashes. “Please?”

And honestly, if this stranger was telling him the truth, would Vikash Gill be able to live with himself if he knew he just let this guy be enslaved again? “Fine,” Vik relented, “but I’ll need to find the tracker first, and even when I find it, I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to extract it immediately. Besides–” he cast a furtive glance down at Mountain Bike’s bloody thigh, “–you should at least let me treat your leg first.” He followed the seeping blood trail with his eyes, brows furrowed in concern.

Mountain Bike–er, Khaled’s face lit into a grin as he dropped to his knees and hugged Vikash’s legs. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank–”

“Okay, stop that. Get up,” Vik replied, uncomfortable with both the sudden infringement on his personal space and the over exaggerated gratitude Mountain Bike displayed. “Let’s patch up that leg!” He directed the stranger to follow him to the hospital, where he could be evaluated and get whatever kind of help he needed.

“Remember these words: pencil, dragon, phone, spoon,” he told him. Vik still couldn’t rule out the possibility of a head injury, and one of the tests for a potential concussion involved memorizing a string of words and repeating them back. Mountain–Khaled didn’t respond.Well, it was a great day for Dr. Vikash Gill, but now it was just kind of a weird one.

Le Tag List for The Recovery Arc (also if you want on or off, nbd, just let me know 👍🏼) (also if I missed anybody I am so sorry, I haven’t had to make one of these in a long time 🥺)

@kabie-whump @rainydaywhump @whumped-by-glitter @skittles-the-whumpee @generic-whumperz

@bamber344 @there-will-always-be-blood @morning-star-whump @a-la-whump @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees

@defire @phoenixpromptsandstuff @scumashling

[stormyrainyday]

i miss my friends so bad

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA? I (28f) recently finished grad school and got an entry level job in my field. I applied to multiple positions, but was only accepted to the entry level position, so I took it. I'm eligible for promotions after six months, so I've been keeping an eye on open positions and have done extra training to make me more eligible as a candidate. The problem is I unknowingly accepted a position at the "slacker" branch, where careers go to die. My coworkers are mostly half-retired and only show up as a way to pass the time before their pension kicks in. They're disengaged with their work and do the bare minimum. I get it, I'm not asking them to do more because they're checked out and nothing I do or say will change that. BUT.

I've thrown their metrics for a loop. My delivery time is half of what this branch has been putting out, they send me to cover other branches because I know the system despite working here less than a month, and generally I pick up the slack. One of my coworkers pulled me aside and told me that I need to slow down because the way I'm going will only result in two things: either my managers won't give me good recommendations because they rely on me to do advanced work at entry-level pay and keep their numbers up, or I burn myself out with frustration before I get the chance to advance. I told her I want to advance and the only way I know how to do that is by performing well. She said if I keep this up, other coworkers will resent me because they'll be expected to work just as hard as me if I leave, even though they've done their time and just want to spend the next few years waiting out their retirement. She said it was an unprofessional move for me to take a low-paying position and then ramp up the numbers, just to jump ship as soon as a new opportunity presented itself. I want to keep working hard and climb the ladder, but AITA for basically doing a pump and dump at a branch that just wants to coast by?

What are these acronyms?

[honeekyuu]

hi honey! im sending this to ask you how you decided that you wanted to pursue a PHD. im thinking of getting a phd in economics because I’ve always been super interested, but im not sure if that’s the path for me yet. what do you think are some pros and cons to getting one and how did you know that this was the right path for you??

-b.

hi!!! omg wow what a question. i will say first that everyones phd experience looks a little different, so i can talk ab mine but definitely take it with a grain of salt!!

i knew i wanted to do a phd because 1) i love being in school, and 2) while i was getting my B.A in linguistics, i had a lot of questions that were higher level and more specific than my undergrad classes could really get into. I also worked as a research assistant to a professor in the East Asian Languages and Civilizations dept for about 3 years, and she was my closest mentor and advisor in that time. she was a korean historian, and she encouraged me to keep studying something related to korean, because that had been my specialization of sorts when it came to choosing classes and research projects. i had a feeling around that time that i wanted to go on to a graduate program of some sort.

after i finished undergrad, i took a year off to figure my life out, and in that time, i worked one on one with a professor in the Linguistics dept at my undergrad for about 9-10 months. under her guidance, i wrote what would have essentially been a masters thesis about korean linguistics, and i knew in that time that i wanted that paper to be the paper i submitted to phd programs.

i think there are a few things to consider when thinking ab a phd:

phds are extremely individual research focused. my program doesnt offer a terminal master's degree (it's included within the phd program as a milestone), but phds are NOT like "undergrad 2.0". ive seen a number of people make that mistake in my program, focusing only on coursework and waiting for their advisor to give them research to do. im not sure how econ works, but in ling, we're thrown straight off the deep end into research. im only a 3rd year, and my master's degree research project was accepted into the top korean linguistics conference in the world, which is 100% a FLEX but also this is only happening because my advisors are cutthroat research gods who pushed pushed pushed me from the very first day. so please be aware that phds are very self-driven. you need the motivation to work on your own for long periods of time.

some people think a phd is a lonely experience. i think it certainly can be, because everyone is working on their own hyper-specific research project, but it's also very important for that reason to have friends. my closest friend in the department is 3 years above me, and we only became friends because i arrived screaming crying throwing up with fear and anxiety ab my work and he literally clocked me as the kid who needed the most emotional grounding LMAO. my other closest friend was literally my research assistant. he was an undergrad. but he was my age (korean military service delays college quite a lot, it seems), so once his contract w me was up, it turned into us helping him apply for grad schools too!! and now the four of us (them + my partner) have weekly stardew valley screaming sessions on discord and saturday brunch with animal crossing. it's not lonely, and i think that's because i knew it would be if i didnt make friends.

i think ill say one more thing before i stfu. grad school is hard. it's so so hard. please be aware of that. some days im drowning in mental health issues and fearing even a chance encounter in the hall with my advisors because i know theyll ask about something i havent gotten done yet. sometimes im literally sobbing on my couch, overwhelmed beyond belief wondering if i can do this. sometimes i become self-destructive and isolated and so terribly unwell that my mom starts calling my partner because i wont pick up the phone. it's fucking hard. but it's also the happiest ive ever been, truly. the really really hard days are worth it, because the really good days or even just the decently good days are much more frequent and amazing. running down the hall to avoid my advisor seeing me is worth it because, when things are good, he invites me to coffee and we spend 2+ hours talking about my future. he tells me he pushes me because he knows i can do what needs to be done and change the field. he makes my life hell because, once im through it, no one else could ever question the quality of my work and the job market is going to be so beautiful once i get there. i started grad school a nervous wreck with terribly low self-esteem who thought that my research could never cut it or be interesting enough. im barely going into my 3rd year, and ive been broken down and reformed into the kind of person i used to look up to, by my own sheer willpower to be the strongest i can be. im not afraid to fail anymore, because ive failed a million times in the last 2 years. im not afraid to fuck up, because ive fucked up so many times, in front of the two people who hold my future in their hands, and im still here. grad school is worth it to me because im the version of myself that the me from undergrad would never believe exists.

[pansexualpassionfruit]

It’s really baffling to me…

I’ve fought my way from a 2.1 GPA back in 2022 coming back to finish my bachelors, to a 3.45 in 2025.

The same “enrollment coach” who pushed me to apply to going back to school, told me over a recorded line: “you probably won’t get back in.. you left on a pretty bad standing point.

I dropped out of school because I tried to take my life. But, she didn’t need to know that.

But I got in.

And when I tell you I’ve worked my ass off.

I have spent hours on hours reading books, articles, content ahead of class, to make sure I could finish all of the readings in the allotted time.

Reading does not come easy to everyone. But, like most things.. You. Must. Practice.

I have been practicing my reading for 3 years now. I went from HAVING to hear the words on a page in my ear (often I physically read while I have the audiobook playing), to being able to read something not only much quicker, but understand it fully.

What a fucking moment for me.

I used to start to tear up and get so frustrated reading anything aloud any of my work.

“Here, you just read it” I would say, sheepishly emailing a copy over of my writing, or handing over my laptop.

But that has changed when I found my voice through my writing.

I have fought my way through classes.. gritted my teeth and took all feedback I could get. Even if there was no provided solution to my errors. No constructive feedback. Simply “be better.” Or “you should know how to write better than this by now”

And then,

I got to my class I’m currently in. My ethnic literature class.

Where my teacher directly emailed me to say my response was not only carefully thought out, but professionally executed.

This professor has done something for me none of my other professors have done for me: given me courage.

Courage to speak my full voice in my writing.

Am I still terrified of getting rejected from grad school?

Every day of my life.

But you know what I refuse to do?

Not try.

[studentbyday]

And it was different because she no longer felt she was there simply to serve the dreams of other people. She no longer felt like she had to find sole fulfilment as some imaginary perfect daughter or sister or partner or wife or mother or employee or anything other than a human being, orbiting her own purpose, and answerable to herself.

existential lessons i learned from the midnight library (WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD...as well as some extra rambly writing)

It's likely that the lives we regret not living often would not have actually given us what we truly wanted from life. Contrary to our beliefs and imaginings, they may not have been the lives we actually would've wanted to live. (E.g. when Nora so deeply regretted not marrying Dan, when she so deeply regretted not keeping on with the Labyrinths, or when she so deeply regretted not becoming a professional athlete)

The regrets that circulate in my mind when I'm feeling vulnerable about my decisions for the future include regretting not taking more courses in my first year of uni, regretting not transferring to the health sciences program or even applying for it the first time around, regretting that I am not able to apply to grad school straight out of undergrad, and regretting not being able to live the uni life I would've wanted. All these regrets due to circumstances that were both in and out of my control. Perhaps these alternate lives would not have given me what I actually want from life. Perhaps it just would not have been the right time or the right path at all for me. Perhaps these would not have been the lives I actually would've wanted to live.

Perhaps even if we didn't always make the right decisions along the way and/or couldn't always take the most direct path, if we keep working with the life we currently have, we can still get to live the "perfect life" — a life we actually would like to have (which may or may not be exactly the one we would've first imagined), a life where we meet and maintain healthy relationships with the kinds of people we want to have in our lives, a life where we are deeply loved and supported, that allows us to give the same back and broadly, a life where we make the impacts on the world we want to make. It's possible that that would be a life we could have had earlier if we had made different decisions, but those may have been decisions we understandably would have never thought to make back then, given our circumstances. And that's okay because even though we only have one life, perhaps we get multiple chances to get it right, contrary to popular belief. (E.g. at the end when Nora found out that her brother Joe had found Ewan in multiple lives and had a happy relationship with him; all the major things Nora contemplates doing at the end of the book that she had actually done in the alternate lives she found fulfilling, even the idea of saving up for a master's in philosophy)

The guiding adults I've had in my life have always told me to trust in the future, that everything will fall into place when it is the right time for me. In recent years, I have found it especially hard to believe as one thing after another went wrong or fell so far short, both things that were in my control and outside of it. But perhaps this is what they meant when they told me this.

We each have our own book of regrets we could do away with and ideas of lives we want to live. There are also lives we never thought to want for whatever reason. It's not possible to literally try all of them, but the only way to learn is to live. You need to use your imagination to open up real possibilities and try “as many lives” as possible. Anyway, most of what we'd feel in any life is still available. “Love and laughter and fear and pain are universal currencies.”

But you may realize that in “trying different lives,” you lose your sense of who you are. Look within you to remember what worked for you and what didn't. You may even look at your “book of regrets” to do this.

Look for the “books” on the higher and lower shelves. “The books on the higher and lower shelves are the lives a little bit further removed. Lives you are still living in one universe or another but not ones you have been imagining or mourning or thinking about. They are lives you could live but never dreamed of.” They're not the most obvious lives, but that doesn't mean they are unhappy lives. You might not feel called to a certain road but that road could still lead you to a life you can be satisfied with. This isn't necessarily settling. This isn't about settling. It's about learning what kind of life you want to live by actually living. And if you find that you don't actually want a certain path, whether it was an obvious path or not, that's okay too (because of the next point.)

Forget what society tells you you need to have a happy life. A happy life is a life with potential. You always have a lot of potential. As long as you're alive, you have potential. It doesn't matter if you've already tried many different things and have not settled, or if you've committed to a certain path, or if, whatever your circumstances, you're not living the life you want. “What sometimes feels like a trap is actually just a trick of the mind. ... While we are alive we always contain a future of multifarious possibility.”

Knowing you could be and could have been so many different amazing things doesn't have to be a cause for despair. It can be inspiring because you can see the kinds of things you could do if you put yourself to work. You may also see that the life you had been living actually has its own sort of logic to it.

Kindness is a strong force. Where have you felt that in your life? Life with kindness, big or small, is meaningful. Life with love, in any form, is meaningful. Look for a life with kindness.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

Never underestimate the big importance of small things. You have an impact, even if you may not see it.

“The prison wasn't the place, but the perspective.”

“It is not the lives we regret not living that are the real problem. It is the regret itself. It’s the regret that makes us shrivel and wither and feel like our own and other people’s worst enemy.”

“Life sometimes simply gave you a whole new perspective by waiting around long enough for you to see it.”

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Spiderwebs Pt.1: The Pace & Prince Charming

Time to give Dressrosa its due. I’m not the biggest fan of this arc, but I’m liking it more now that I’m seeing how it fits into the big picture. Interesting one for me too; I’ve been a fan long enough I kinda think about parts of my life around the releasing arcs. Dressrosa almost perfectly overlaps with Grad School for me, which was a very happy time. Though one I didn’t really make much more time for manga than getting up a little early and reading the new chapter each week. You may have already gathered I enjoy the Grand Fleet a lot, particularly Cabbage & the Tontatta. We’ll get to one of those in a minute.

The pitch here is not that Dressrosa as a whole is some big step in this overarching fil rouge. Here, the devil is in only about the first third. While the entire crew and Momonosuke are present we’ll see a lot of great beats that poke at the Straw Hats’ weak side. It starts right here, with Doflamingo’s “pace” or momentum. We’ll hit this deeper, but the idea is Doffy is this type of character when they’re a villain. He’s how dangerous someone with these skills can be. Katakuri’s a version of Luffy who’s had this growth already, then I’d argue Kiku is the good person who shows how to apply the same concepts. Luckily Law’s here right? He’s a good gap-filler! Except...this arc will carry a lot of water setting up why it needs to be someone else.

See what I mean? It didn’t take long. And look at who ends up delivering the message? Law gave it his best shot and got played. Dressrosa devolves from what could have been a solid plan because Doflamingo was just better. Luckily he could be outmuscled, and fate had other plans. This failure inspiring the Tontatta and others to take their last shot. It’s kinda like if Luffy showed up 10 years into Wano’s long winter and gave Ashura Doji’s men the extra boost they needed. Stuff like negotiating a hostage exchange or maybe say, recognizing a way to use Caesar and expose crimes anyways as a recovery are the types of things Kiku is the right territory to excel at. Robin’s a great spy, but she’s too socially awkward. That’s not a knock, around this point in the story there’s an SBS answer where Oda patently describes her as such. Just like spelling out Kiku’s sociability in a later one. 

Let’s not forget there is this big hook too. Doflamingo and VA Tsuru’s rivalry is there in both’s first appearance. Right around when we’re meeting Blackbeard and Bellamy. The Crane is the one who knows how to deal with a naughty boy like this. Gotta say though I love their little rivalry being a thing even if nothing else comes of it. Moving on, Doffy has the StrawHeart Alliance nailed with his counter to the opening shot. By all accounts he easily could have ended both. The Colosseum was a perfect trap for Luffy. And that is where I can’t help but notice at least one big moment that seems to carry a lot more weight after Bakura Town.

Rebecca. I’ve already hinted at this and it’ll get it’s spotlight. Rebecca & Kyros’s story make for an excellent contrast with Kiku & Kin’s. Diagenically, I’d argue seeing the Dressrosa pair maybe made Kin’emon start to feel conflicted about her. It was subtle but there the whole time. Forget that for a moment though, just this scene. The girl standing against the scorn of the masses. What’s the difference between here and the Sumo ring? Rebecca’s hurt by it, she does cry. She’s a little younger and softer overall but at the end of the day Kiku’s better able to shrug it off. We’re not done though, it’s how she ends up getting that same trick we’ve seen elsewhere when someone else joins the fray.

Cavendish you pretty idiot I love you. We can use Luffy’s face for scale; Kiku impressed him way more but it doesn’t diminish Cabbage. The obvious comparison is she made the better first impression (giving Luffy food and tending to Zoro) and was a lot cooler in her big moment. Biggest difference is he’s still a former noble forced out of that life, we never see that “no person called chattel” element out of him. Think like what I’ve said about Boa. Cavendish has all the tools, his bounty speaks for his capability, but he’s too vain and self-absorbed. Likewise not the type to follow others, he’s a solid enough captain that has survived the New World independently so far. He is showing off the skills. Swaying the crowd with pomp and circumstance. Teasing a gentle side. Not to mention...

Such a funky pose! Oh yeah, this gets oddly specific at points. Hakuba seems really huge when Dressrosa’s beautiful swordsman has this whole “bakura” shtick going on too. Notably a demon side he cannot control. We’ve talked about Pudding, both will get those iconic split face panels to really drive it home. Also a cool little quirk, Cavendish’s attack names are a lot of Western theatre and literary references. I also love Kiku having some shade for Caggage in PW4. Really there’s a fair amount of comparability between this stretch of Dressrosa and Act 1. Think about Cavendish first appearing trying to explain the weight restrictions. Luffy doesn’t listen. Excellent contrast to Kiku who he respects more off the bat.

To me, Dressrosa is in hindsight a great example of what we try to avoid in Wano. Being exposed too early, a nationwide manhunt. It’s a “dress” rehearsal for the play, if you will. This plan could have gone off without a hitch and brought down Kaido’s wrath on Doffy. But they got played, they got invested, and it ends up paying off big time for the Straw Hats in gaining the Grand Fleet. A lot of the eventual captains of that fleet end up doing a good job of showing an element that’s missing. Just, especially when we fill them out with the cover stories, we’ll see that they lack big things too. A lot of these things will be positive traits that run through Kiku’s side of Wano. Showing her as someone who can balance a lot of them. Cavendish is the most on-the-nose by a mile.

[another-public-diary]

Entry #7 - times are changing

wow its been a while. so anyways im done uni! thats so fun. kinda sucks that a whole ass pandemic disrupted like two years of it. but you know what, i found i what i was supposed to do with my life because of the opportunities it gave me taking online courses. isn't that so weird to say? well, now im an art history girlie teehee. i got a whole other major in it. and im kinda good at it. so much so professors have told me to apply to grad school in the subject. this is what im doing currently! im so scared and so excited at the same time. it feels like my life is beginning. which is so weird because thats how i felt when i was starting undergrad. so much has changed in my life since i last wrote. life, love, and things like it. i also have a love. the love of my life to be exact. im so happy i met him because he is everything i want and more. i love him so so so much. he is mine, and i am his. forever. ah what a view i have on the world at the moment. kinda surprising considering everything else. vball is over and while im sad about not playing the sport, i am so glad to never have to see my coach again. she is quite literally a narcissist and emotional abuser. not to mention she breads that within the team. god im so glad i dont have to see her or her minions again. once again, i feel free. like i have so many possibilities in front of me with people that truly support me and want the best for me. and im so grateful. ive learned lessons and done the work. i am ready for the next chapter of my life, where ever that may take me. <3

[seaofwine]

Goddess of Nearness

I just wanted to make a short appreciation post for Athena and all she’s done in my life these last few months. 

I started a project that I’ve kept pretty quiet outside of my immediate circle, but back in January I began the process of applying to grad school. I didn’t know where it would take me. My ideal program that I’d had my eye on for months was highly selective and all I could do was my best. 

Since then, I’ve also been deepening my spiritual practice after a long winter of feeling pretty stagnant. Sometimes I could just offer time and my devotion, but grew to have a semi-daily practice of offering coffee or wine, saying good morning, and offering prayers of thanks. 

When the process heated up and I felt the pressure and weight of just how much I want this, my prayers turned to pleas for guidance, for help in seeing myself through it. There were only a handful of slots for the next year and I knew I would have to be impenetrable when it came down to the interview selection. I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. My most recent time on campus getting some advice about the application, I found myself in a little grotto outside one of the humanities buildings. I sat there for a bit to collect myself when I felt the nudge to look at the reliefs on the entrance. A bust of Athena sat there, overseeing the students entering. A little voice seemed to say would I ever leave you defenseless? Would I ever lead you astray?

I turned that moment over in my head a hundred times and felt the power of her moving in my life. I worked through the standard Greek Religion book from Walter Burkert and this passage kept coming up in my mind:

“More than any other deity, Athena is always near...Goddess of Nearness is how she is described. Wherever difficulties disappear and the impossible becomes possible, Athena is at hand.”

This morning I was notified of my acceptance into the program. I’ll be starting my masters in the fall. Even that sentence feels surreal to say, I got into my dream program and it is with all the thanks I can give to Athena. 

[nobito203]

A chapter is about to end

2021, I left a job to get back to the US for a Master Degree in Counseling psychology. I was excited because I feel like the US is still my home and our journey together hadn't ended yet, although feel bittersweet to leave the job I was really enjoying.

This time is Pittsburgh, has to be a city. I deferred my admission at the school I didn't know much about besides what my professor in undergrad was marketing to me. She thought it's a great fit for me, so I applied and give it the benefit of a doubt. And honestly, it's been a fun ride with ups and downs.

Grad school hits different. Very hard to make friends and find a community in an environment where everyone has a lot on their plate. But everyone I met are so empathetic. We share about our experiences and lessons vulnerably which I think it's a beautiful thing. It's where we vibe so well, without filters sometimes. I have had opportunities to chat with lot of them and see their point of view. Everyone has their unique stories, but do have some common similarities. I learn that although having a lot going on, people still can connect deeply when they spend time together to talk about how they see life. Empathy soars when I see different views with its pros and cons. Sometimes, all we need is being listened, no solution needed. I might not agree with how you see live because it's the opposite with what I believe, but I do respect your point of view because we're unique. We still can be friends even when we disagree with one another, but we agree to disagree and accept it's a part of us. It makes humans human. Agree??

I found a community at my internship site. I love all people I met there. They're super supportive. Their personality always amaze me. The empathy and sympathy they have are immense. We might unhappy with what others have done but always approach others with altruism. They challenge my perspectives and encourage me to see thing in different lenses. The kids at the site I met showed me how much emotional tolerance I have for others. They emotionally push me to the limit where sometimes I felt like I can burst off, but somehow I managed to calm myself down and treat them with kindness everytime. They're the future and good education is the only way to have a better future. I look at them in a holistic way to decipher how do they behave the way they do, which increases my sense of empathy. I'm extremely happy that I stay here long enough to see the impact I and my fellow interns have on them. Seeing the good impacts we make is pleasant. I'm gonna miss my fellow interns a lot. We made it so far, some left but some still stay till this moment I'm writing this. I appreciate them, I salute the work they're doing. I wish them the best!

I ended a 3-year relationship on a good term. I was passive on how it ended but I actively learned a lot about it. I learned how to not being harsh on myself. I appreciate my ex was being honest with her feeling and made a decision to break up for her own sake. It's definitely not beneficial for me but the honesty remains a highlight. I embrace it. It's totally fine to let thing go and l let myself to leave someone who didn't match the standard I pursue. It is and will always beneath my standard if I have a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be my teammate and has no capacity and emotional maturity to work and contribute to a relationship. It sucks that it's ended but I constantly remind myself everything happened for a reason. So, allowing myself go through the grieving is a huge learning lesson and I kinda enjoyed tbh. I embrace the process and feel like a new person out of it. No resentment and regret. No love is ever wasted, even when it leads to a heartbreak.

The last 2 years of grad school were an awesome journey ngl ☺️☺️. I have learnt so much more about the world and myself. I met new people whom I vibe with, yet still spent some time to revisit old friends who making effort to know what's going on in my life. Y'all are appreciated. Sometimes, I contemplate the life I have: bouncing between cities, starting a routine in a new city, finding a community at where I'm at, missing other things, goodbye people, etc...; and question myself is it all worth it? Every time, the answer is YES, including this time. Those cities, those people, and the experiences I had are making me who I am today. I have nothing but gratitude and empathy to give back. It's going to be a new fun chapter, thanks for tagging along if you get here hehe.

The End!

-No Name

[cheerfulnihilismqualitysuffering]

Because recent events in my professional life have triggered old work-related/existential traumas, I'm going to tell you all the story about what happened around the time that I started the Facebook page cheerful nihilism and why I started it.

Roundabouts 2016 I was in grad school for my fourth degree, if you can imagine. I already had a BS and MS in psychology, and then I had gone back to grad school after a brief stint working in social work because I got so burnt out. I got a master's degree in health behavior education, and went on to attempt to get my PhD.

Getting a PhD had always been an ultimate life goal, for me. I'd always gotten high marks in school, and been involved in honors and gifted programs. When I was applying for my PhD program, I noticed that a lot of the professors that I spoke to about getting a reference had some reservations about the mentor that I was going to partner with. No one would be direct with me and tell me exactly what the problem was, they would just say that she was "difficult to work with." This was true, all the collaboration that she did was with people who worked at other institutions not at the University that I was attending in Florida.

But I had grown up with a mother who can be difficult to get along with, so I thought I could handle it. I was also involved in a really abusive relationship, so people talking down to me or trying to make me feel bad about who I was in order to make themselves feel better was just my normal at that time.

I was unable to afford the trip to present my research at the American public Health association National conference in Denver. Imagine my surprise when a mutual who had no immediate connection to my advisor posted a picture of my advisor standing in front of a poster board presenting my research, without my name on it. She was presenting my research as if it were hers. It felt like a gut punch, I had kind of heard that these things could happen but I had never thought that it could happen to me.

I screenshot the picture and sent it to the dean of the college. That was a mistake. This initiated an investigation that would ultimately end in me not being able to find a new mentor because during the investigation my advisor blackballed me, wrote a letter to the fellowship funding committee that was funding my phd, and claimed that I hadn't done any of the work that I was supposed to be doing to earn my fellowship. I found this ironic because she was just presenting my work... But everybody just believed her. They just assumed that she was telling the truth, that I was insane. Even after a human resources investigation did find that she behaved and unethical ways, because she had tenure, she was just prohibited from taking on any new mentees for a couple of years.

I was told that I could continue in the program if I could find a new mentor, but at this point I was untouchable. I ended up dropping out. The craziest thing is that the department actually sent me a letter demanding that I return the fellowship funding for the last half of 2016. This was on the grounds that, according to my former advisor, I hadn't been doing any work. I sent them a letter with a good faith repayment of $1. I explained to them in the letter that if they disagreed with my explanation they could take me to court. They stopped bothering me after that, but they probably sold it to a collections agency.

While all of this was going down and I was being completely broken by academia, I started a meme page on Facebook. Because I had been unmored from everything that had previously given my life structure or meaning, I became very nihilistic. But it wasn't the depressive nihilism that I often see characterized elsewhere, it felt almost liberating to me. I had grown up going to Catholic school for 9 years, my father was career military, the belief in a judeo-christian God was a strong foundation in my family of origin and all of them still regularly attend church.

The idea that life didn't have any ultimate meaning meant, to me, that I was actually free to just create my own. I'm not staunchly atheist, I'm generally agnostic. What I have personally experienced/witnessed throughout my life characterizes a deity with a morality that I cannot understand or connect to in any meaningful way.

Academia broke me. I'm glad I broke, tbh, I lost a lot of the ideas about myself that were programmed into me by society and my family of origin. That was a good thing. It rapidly sped up the process of de-culturing. Instead of scrambling to put myself back together in a semblance of what I assumed society wanted from me, I just let myself reassemble in whatever way I ended up reassembling.

I started the Facebook page on a lark. Parasocial relationships are dismissed by self-help gurus, but they were the only safe way I could connect to other people at that time. Strangers on the internet were more authentic and genuine with me than the people I saw face to face.

Oh there's tons of trash comments, too. But interestingly, if you're visible to a million people and get hundreds of cruel comments you start to realize that the only ones that hit the mark are the comments that echo the voice of the inner critic in your own head.

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

My younger brothers are dicks and my life got so much better once I was able to move out and create a space at home that was safe and somewhere I could go back to recharge and reset. Granted my house was my 3 brothers my dad and me 💀 so literally sausage fest I wanted to die. But also rent and the cost of literally existing is astronomical right now so I’m sorry that it isn’t an option for you right now. Could you maybe move in/ rent with a friend? Also did I miss something are you in grad school now/ what are you planning on going for?

Idk honestly like all my friends live with their parents cause their families aren’t as fucked as mine and the only friend moving out is moving into a room she’s sharing with 2 other ppl so that’s a bust 😭 I graduate undergrad in December and then I have to get my shadowing done so I can apply to grad school in the summer and it’s just a whole ass process bc medical school programs only open admissions once a year so by the time i get in and actually start, it’ll be 2025 😭

[bhujerban]

Hi C!

You may or may not recall a comment on Park Rangers and Other Complications from a year or so ago, from a person who said she was interested into going into archaeology herself. That was me! I know I've waited a long, long time to send you a tumblr ask like you offered, but I finally plucked up the courage and an actual question to ask.

Put shortly--I have already graduated from college, and every position involving archaeology I've put in for in hopes of gaining experience has rejected me (probably because I have no experience). I know the next logical step would be to try out a field school, but it feels like every field school ever happens in the summer! Do you have any recommendations for how to find field schools in other parts of the year, especially winter or spring?

By the way, I really love and admire your writing, and I hope to see that zelink build-a-fic (or literally anything else you wanted to share) sometime soon! xoxo

Hi Dee!

Aah! I do remember your comment, I'm glad you're here! Thank you for your lovely comment on AO3 and here 🥰 Life got a bit hectic, but one of these days I'll write again 🥲

I meant to answer this privately, but I saved it as a draft while I was writing up my answer and now it won't let me do it anymore, so I'll just put the full answer under the cut (sorry!).

First, congratulations on graduating! It's definitely a big step in your life. Sorry to hear about the job hunting struggles--it's so unfair that they expect you to have experience for an entry level job without having worked the job before 😒

I can't speak with personal experience about getting CRM jobs, as I am an academic archaeologist, but I have many friends who have done their time in CRM. Not knowing the specifics of your situation (e.g. where you're currently located, what kinds of positions you've applied for, what your financial situation is, what time period you're interested in), I can only give some more generalized advice. I'm also assuming you're American, so if not, this advice may not be helpful haha.

Field schools almost always run in the summer for sure. The reason here is twofold: one, professors running the field school and students attending the field school are usually available at that time haha, two, the ground is usually more accessible during the summer (i.e. not frozen). So on that front, I think it's a little challenging to look for a winter (or potentially even spring) field school.

One path would be to reach out to your college anthropology department and professors within there to see what opportunities for fieldwork might be available. Most of the time professors or grad students will know people that need volunteers for field projects. This is especially effective if you were a good student in undergrad that the professor would be inclined to recommend!

For getting into CRM work, it's definitely pretty seasonal for the entry level stuff and can be challenging for sure. Usually CRM firms look for field techs in the spring for summer/early fall work. Some of the searches go through university/department email lists, so it would be helpful to see if that's something you can get access to! If you live near the American Southwest or are willing to temporarily relocate, I can recommend you to a CRM company haha.

There are a few resources to look for fieldwork opportunities (field schools and otherwise). I'm sure you've done a ton of work looking through them, but just in case, here are a few :

The AIA has a pretty comprehensive list: https://www.archaeological.org/programs/professionals/fieldwork/afob/ https://www.archaeological.org/programs/professionals/fieldwork/fieldwork-list/

If you're a member of the Society for American Archaeology, they have some career resources: https://careers.saa.org/

US forest services runs volunteer opportunities at national parks that they post: http://www.passportintime.com/index.html

I'm sure you've encountered the archaeology field work bulletin board too: https://archaeologyfieldwork.com/

Phew! This ended up being super long, but I hope it helps! Please keep me posted on how it goes!

[softsky-daily]

8/30/2023

I think this is technically the sky from yesterday but I passed out before I could remember to write a post then so. Here it is now. Not sure what that bright object is.

Positive thing: The hurricane passed over our area without anything happening, and I got to sleep in since work was canceled.

I was talking with one of my roommate friends about what we should've (could've) done with our money from the accident. She mentioned I could've moved out of the country for grad school. I wonder if I would have. It's easy to say now I would've rather done that, but it's hard to remember where my mind was at back then. Those entire years of my life are drenched in depression sludge.

If I had the chance to redo things would I have? Yeah, I guess to some extent. Maybe I would've done JET, or applied to schools out of country, or hunkered down with a fulltime job somewhere just so I could save up more. I miss traveling. Plus Florida is so hostile to its inhabitants I'm feeling more and more the want to leave and go anywhere else. That's probably where the regret is stemming from.

It's never too late to do those things of course. I'm graduating next year - anything could happen. Even beyond then there's so many other opportunities out there for things to become different. And I don't regret everything. I'm glad I got to meet the people I did in my program, even if the program itself is a bit of a trash fire sometimes.

Ah. I miss the mountains. When I was in Japan it was so still and quiet. I woke up without any feeling of heaviness or dread. I hope I can feel that light again one day.

[glittertimes]

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for over a year and I love this person a lot but I’m feeling more and more distant as the months go by.

they’ve only been able to visit once since we’ve been long distance and I keep seeing all the other 20 somethings online living their lives on big cities and doing as they please and I feel so stifled in my parent’s house.

Just before I left for college, as the pandemic measures began lifting I felt like couldn’t take living here any longer and I’m starting to get that feeling again now.

I realized I’ve been waiting for my partner to figure things out and find a place to live, but this writer I admire posted such an interesting article this week.

She gives the advice to like live your life as though you’ll never get married and just pursue things that bring you joy.

She talked about how she’d dated a few musicians because she’d always wanted to be in a band, and she realized she could just get back to playing instruments instead of looking for that in someone else.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with wanting relationships, but I think it’s so common for femme folks to kind of lose themselves in relationships or prioritize their partners / relationships over their own interests or enjoyment.

And I’ve been so worried about finances and money since I’ll be done with grad school in about a year, and I thought it was financially impossible for me to live on my own.

But my sister is always offering to let me live with her in New York, and I’ve always been weary bc NYC is a little overwhelming for me, and I don’t want to leave my pets behind. I also worried it would just create more distance between me and my partner bc it’s even farther from them than where I live now.

But I think I need to go, I can’t grow here anymore and I don’t want to feel resentful and stifled anymore. Plus I’m starting to earn a little money from my internship and my resume is better now so I can apply to more places.

[magnetarmadda]

Hi there! Like probably a lot of people, I'm quite jealous and in awe of the amount of reading you seem to get done. If you don't mind my asking, did you read this many books when you were in grad school? I'm in the last few months of my PhD (in paleontology!) and I've found that working on my thesis has absolutely killed my ability to get through books. Did this happen to you? Did your brain recover afterward? Or did you never deal with the reading slump?

Thanks! (And I hope you're having a good day, because you seem like a cool and nice person!)

Hey, hi! First, best of luck with your final months of grad school!!! Honestly, for me, they were so hard because of the lack of structure. Just, “finish your dissertation” and that was all the instruction really. If you ever wanna chat/vent about that, lemme know!! (Also paleontology!!! That’s so cool!!)

I always like to preface my reading habits with this: I have a very fast reading comprehension speed, and so for me, it averages out to about 100 pages of a novel in an hour and about 75 pages of nonfiction in an hour. In that way, I got lucky with the combination of early reading education, at-home book discussions, and genetics. So I can sit down and read a 300-page book in one evening, which meant that, even though I was only reading only one or two days a week, I was still getting through 50+ a year that way in grad school

I also listen to a lot of audiobooks and love trade paperbacks of graphic novels. The graphic novels can be quite fast reads for me, and this again is partly luck and genetics—my mom’s an artist, so I learned to look at images critically quite young, and can frequently find important info in them quickly. Then, for audiobooks, I do struggle with some chronic illnesses and chronic pain, and I frequently have to check out of life—but I cannot be left alone in my own head, or I rapidly catastrophize lol. I also can’t shut my own brain off when it’s time to sleep, so I listen to audiobooks then as well. I’d say this means I average about 4 audiobooks a month, where they’re usually between 8 and 14 hours (I do listen at 1.25 or 1.5 speed, because otherwise my brain stops paying attention)

I was also lucky with my advisor in grad school. She had a firm self-care policy, in that she cares more about her students’ well-being and health than timely progress. So I never felt like I was stealing moments or neglecting my work—I was trying to cultivate the healthiest version of myself, given all the other factors outside of my control. In the six years I worked with her, we actually spent more than one meeting talking about fantasy novels instead of research, which was lovely

But, yeah, there were a lot of reading struggles in grad school for me. I would go long stretches of time where the idea of opening a book and reading more words was unbearable, because god, didn’t I just spend all day reading and writing?? I also started to not care as much for the types of books I read before grad school, so now I’ve got a few stacks of books on hand I feel guilty that I haven’t read (but I’m trying to recognize that I’ll probably never read them, because tastes can change). So I might've had motivation to read, but nothing I had on hand sounded particularly good

Submitting that dissertation and knowing the hard part was over was actually the biggest relief, I think maybe of my life. I defended in mid-October and then submitted the finished manuscript about two weeks later, and then I spent a solid month just…reading whatever the fuck I wanted to lol. I have a postdoc now (and am applying for faculty jobs 🤞), and the responsibilities are waaaaaay less than as a grad student. In fact, my PI is adamant that I should not do more than 40 hrs a week, and so I’ve been able to plow through books like wild in the last few months

I also want to say: grad school is hard. It’s so absolutely difficult. Master’s programs are rough, and PhD programs are their own rodeo, and it sucks to say (because it sounds awful to most people, I know), but unless someone goes through grad school themselves, it’s hard to fathom what makes it so hard and exhausting. It’s totally okay to cut yourself some slack for finding you don’t have as much energy for other things, even the things you really enjoy. The books will be there waiting, and I'll admit it took me a solid 4 years to accept that myself lol

Thanks for the lovely ask, and I really do wish you well as you finish up 💜 again, I'm here--ask box or dm--if you'd like to take more about any part of the process 💜