#i cant find it in myself to be happy for other ppl. sorry.

[luciality]

epic nite of sushi and drinks and dancing

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[puppppppppy]

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[itsalwaysdark]

my tags on that went on for so long i had to go back and edit them to fit tag limit and i still had to delete a bunch of them. Its the autism it literally is

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙dont call me kid | CL16˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: ex!charles leclerc x singer!reader y/n (she/her) (also some subtle lando norris x reader bc i cant help myself)

genre: social media au

warnings: angst!! sorry charles is the bad guy lol

summary: in which a very illicit affair finally gets out and you face the backlash

a/n: obsessed with this request ahhhh i need to write more angst!!!! also yea okay IM BACK IM BACK

request!!!: singer!reader and charles date but he kept it private so no one knew which is why they break up and like the fall out when ppl find out abt it online <3 maybe her healing and him regretting it? or like her moving on with someone else

my masterlist

fc: holly humberstone

twitter ->

messages ->

instagram ->

f1gossip

liked by user3, user17, user44, and others

f1gossip charles leclerc seen out shopping today with girlfriend alexandra saint mleux

view all comments

user6 what hahaha

user7 so y/n must've been a while ago right??

user8 crickets from y/n

user9 they're so cute together y/n is deffo trying to split them up or something

user10 this whole situation is weird imo

user11 right like im confused and dont think y/n is the villain??

user12 be fr charles fumbled y/n.

user13 okay 😂

user14 sureeeee

user15 yuppp y/n defenders rise fr!!

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, and others

charles_leclerc the good life ☀️

view all comments

user16 omgg charles & alex are so cute together

user17 omgg such gorgeous pics

user18 dont know who im more jealous of

carlossainz55 looking good 🏝️

charles_leclerc who, me or the beach?

carlossainz55 no comment

user19 charlos you will always be famous

user20 alex is the best wag <3

user21 ahh a leo leclerc cameo we love to see it

alexandrasaintmleux i love summers with you 🫶

charles_leclerc it is an honour to be in your company

user22 STOPPPP

user23 me whennn omg

user24 downgrade from y/n lol.

*comment deleted by charles_leclerc*

user25 justice for y/n much 🙄

*comment deleted by charles_leclerc*

user26 wait is he deleting comments about **

yourusername 📍 london

liked by yourbff, landonorris, and others

yourusername back home ❤️

tagged: yourbff

view all comments

yourbff love you

yourusername love you

user27 is this charles’ attention seeking fling 💀

user28 geez & she thought she could compete with alex

user29 ikr she's the wrong vibe fr

user30 emo vibes

user31 here u go here's ur clout 💀

user32 music sucks too

user33 lando in the likes? her nxt target bro

user34 bffr even he doesnt want her

user35 wtf is this comment section

user36 why so much hate???

*comments on this post have now been limited*

twitter ->

messages ->

instagram ->

ynupdates

liked by user11, landonorris, yourbff, and others

ynupdates y/n spotted in a parking lot talking on a phone call this afternoon!! the first sighting of her in over three months ❤️

view all comments

user43 OH MY GOD FINALLY

user44 ew stay hidden

user45 girl get off a y/n fan page then 💀

user46 omg she looks happy or is it just me???

user47 i hope she's healing🥹🥹

user48 our girl is back omg

user49 A CAR PARK?! HAHAHA

user50 she real for dat

user51 y/n we miss you 😭

user52 COME BACK Y/N

user53 okay wait why is no one talking about lando norris in the likes

user54 this is so atrociously random.

user55 maybe he's a fan🥹

yourusername posted a story

liked by yourbff, sabrinacarpenter, and others

user56 OH MY GOD

user57 FINALLY

user58 new music please im praying

user59 Y/N WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

ynupdates omg finally. war is over

gracieabrams so effing glad ur back.

yourusername dont you know it

phoebebridgers thank god, my queen is back

yourusername for good!!

billieeilish im locked tf in

liked by yourusername

charles_leclerc glad you're back y/n!

landonorris cant wait for the world to hear your voice

yourusername thank u lando 🥹🥹

landonorris of course. always thinking of you!

yourusername means so much xx

user60 im healed.

yourusername

liked by landonorris, alexandrasaintmleux, and others

yourusername you'll be flushed when you return ❤️ hi guys :) sorry that it's been a while... here's a lil peak into what i've been up to. my new song ‘illicit affairs’ is yours now.

view all comments

user61 oh my god

user62 WHAT STARTED IN BEAUTIFUL ROOMS ENDS IN MEETINGS IN PARKING LOTS???

user63 the way literally all the leaked pics of y/n with charles were in cars too...

user64 omg the song is so so heartbreaking... fym it dies & it dies & it dies ?!?!?

user65 OKAY BUT WHAT ABOUT THEY LIE AND THEY LIE AND THEY LIE

user66 A MIIIIILION LITTLE TIMES

user67 omg what did that man do to my girl

user68 such a beautifully heartbreaking song

user69 u showed me colours u know i cant see with anyone else:(

user70 u taught me a secret language i can't speak with anyone else:(

user71 okay but the lyrics look at this idiotic fool that u made me & for u i would ruin myself a million little times are so so heartbreaking like she fr got bullied off the internet over this secret relationship bro

user72 alex in the likes? lando in the last pic? is my girl winning in every category rn

user73 karma

landonorris such a beautiful song

yourusername tysm i rly appreciate u listening 🥹

landonorris 🧡

user74 now kiss

oscarpiastri amazing song y/n!

yourusername thanks osc <3

carlossainz55 as always such a lovely song. you're a rare talent y/n!

yourusername 🥹🫶

messages ->

twitter ->

instagram ->

f1wagupdates

liked by landonorris, user17, and others

f1wagupdates charles leclerc's wag alexandra saint mleux was seen last night leaving a restaurant alongside singer songwriter y/n y/l/n, who was recently connected to leclerc as having had a secret romantic fling together. what do you think is going on here?

view all comments

user75 oh my god

user76 WHAT???

user77 shit's about to get crazy 💀

user78 WHAT DID HE DO

user79 lando in the likes???

user80 y/n's biggest fan lol

user81 he's so real

user82 wtf are they talking about bro

user83 y/n stealing charles' new gf she's real

user84 im on board with this new friendship

user85 someone spill the tea RIGHT NOW im desperate oh my god

ynupdates

liked by lilyzneimer, landonorris, alexandrasaintmleux, and others

ynupdates y/n seen out last night in PARIS with lando norris. don't know what to think. head = empty.

view all comments

user86 what

user87 what

user88 WHAT?

user89 why is half the grid and their wags in the likes

user90 hello?

user91 what's happening

user92 IM SO CONFUSED Y/N PLEASE SPEAK PLEASE

user93 they're just friends, right?

user94 😂 yeah.

user95 charles found dead

user96 girl i need answers im foaming at the mouth

ynupdates you and me both

user97 FREE USSSSS

user98 so much has happened the past few months but im just even more confused than ever

liked by yourusername

user99 WHY DID SHE LIKE THIS

user100 @.yourusername you lurker

messages ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by landonorris, lilyzneimer, and others

yourusername look at this godforsaken mess that you made me 😊😊😊

view all comments

lilyzneimer 🧡

liked by yourusername

user101 HELLOOO??!?!!

mclaren good sweater choice!

landonorris i second this

oscarpiastri i third it

yourusername 😭😭

user102 what's going onnn

user103 new mclaren wag jus droppeddd

liked by landonorris

user104 i feel like this is confirmation that charles and alex are over.....

liked by yourusername, alexandrasaintmleux

user105 THEM LIKINGGG

user106 not the comment section lurking i cant cope

alexandrasaintmleux most beautiful mess in the world

yourusername oh, you 🥹

user107 she's real for this....

user108 charles is crying i think

user109 SHE WONNNNN

user110 need answers but im happy she's happy

user111 we've learned patience 🙏

user112 fanbase growth 🧡

yourusername love u

user113 Y/N!!!?!:!:!:!:!/!:!/:£:&;£;

landonorris 🧡

yourusername 🧡🧡

landonorris 🧡🧡🧡

user114 SHUT UP LMAOOOOO

THE END ❤️🧡

[theshiftingwitch]

Hey, I think I know what my fear of shifting is, and you always have such good advice, so I hope you can help me w this.

(Long rant incomming)

First of: Fear of success. LIKE FYM I CAN BE ANYONE OR ANYTHING?? Like, do I truly deserve this? Am I even worthy of ppl admiring me in my fame dr, or seeing sunsets w my cc? Wdym I can truly wake up and have my dream life? I am so scared Ill mess that shit up, or that I forget to script smth stupid like if I am a outlaw, I forget to script I wont be caught. (Disclaimer: I dont kill ppl in my dr, that was simply the first thing that came to my mind.) I am so fucking scared. But I cant stay here either. It drains me so fucking much. So i am stuck in this constant state of tiredness. Too tired to shift, to tired to stay here. How to fix myself?

(To other ppl reading this, please only continue if you already shifted and are happy with shifting. Baiscally, only continue if you see the beatuy in shifting, the infinite possibilities. I dont wanna discurage anyone, so please decide for yourself wether to continue reading or not. Love you all, and I hope yall have a very good day whenever you read this xoxo <3)

Secondly: We are immortal, no? I mean, we can shift shortly before we die and be "reborn", kind of. But what if we lived so many lifes someday, that it gets draining, boring? What do we do then? I mean beeing immortal is a long, long time. What if someday I just wanna rest forever, because I saw so many things, that its okay for me to go? But we cant, no? Because we go from one universe to another. And no matter how many times we die, we get reborn. No chance of getting to rest. Even in the void state, you are aware. You are always aware. What if someday I dont wanna be aware anymore? What then? I am so scared of that point in my Story, that Idk what to do anymore. I see the beauty in shifting. But every beatuy ends someday. What if its like a curse? immortality is a blessing and a curse at the same time. And thats so scary to me. I dont wanna life on forever and ever. I wanna life many, hundreds, perhaps even thousands, heck, perhaps even MILLIONS of lifes. There r sooo many possibilities. Yet, Million of lifes arent even close to beeing immortal. What is after that? What if I am done w my Millions of lifes? I mean, do I just restart? Erease my memory? Is it like a circle?? life-> erease->get tired-> restart?? But even if it is the way, I dont have a choice do I?? I mean i already am aware, no going back now. Is it going to be endlessly beeing aware against my will? I wanna find rest someday, and simply be.

So sorry for this long rant, but I hope you can help me smh. I am sorry if its kinda weird or smth. I just had to get it off my chest. I love you girl, I love you so much. And you are one of the few ppl that make things click for me, that take away my fear. I read through ur recent posts, and they r so well done. Like a steak. I truly do wanna shift, and life many many lifes, just not forever. MUCH LOVE MWAHH I LOVE U SO FUCKING MUCH OMG AHH <33

1- Your fear of success is unwarranted.

A- First, let's dig deep into why you think you're unworthy of all of your desires. Like in your fame dr, why would you think that you are not worthy of your fame? Have a look at this reality, half of the celebrities and influencers, if not a lot more, are unworthy of our attention yet we give it to them for free 24/7. I can name at least a handful of celebrities that are absolute garbage cans of human beings and they still have fans and people are still supporting them and still defending their names every time it comes up. What could you have possibly done that is worse than these dumpster fires masquerading as people that would make you unworthy of your fame?

B- if you're afraid of forgetting describe something important, or stupid, I suggest using safety rules. They are very popular and the shifting community, and they ensure that we have the best possible experience. Some of my favorites are: whatever happens, whatever danger I'm in, I am never fatally injured. I have a very high pain tolerance, and I don't die. I'm immune to diseases and infections, I don't get pregnant, and if a viral infection breaks out I am always safe. I never do anything willingly or unwillingly, consciously or unconsciously to harm the people I love, I never put any innocent people in danger, and I never cause irreparable harm to anybody.

You can script a few safety rules for yourself to ensure that nothing stupid ever gets you.

C- As for your fear, you're going to have to decide. Which sounds more scary to you: shifting and experiencing different lives across different realities and risking your comfort zone, or staying here forever?

The choice is yours.

2- Immortal but not alive.

I think the issue here is that you are confusing pure Consciousness with human consciousness. Yes, as you are right now, having your Human experience, you can shift to any reality you desire and live millions if not trillions of lives all at the same time. Time is not linear, and so you are currently living all of those lives right now because right now is the only moment we have. There is no past, there is no future, all we have is this moment of the now.

However, there will come a time where you simply don't want to be human anymore. You don't want to reincarnate, you don't want to shift, you don't want to experience humanity any longer. You have learned everything you set out to learn, you have experienced everything you wanted to experience, and you decided you are done. What happens then?

Remember, I haven't died yet (to my knowledge) so everything I'm saying is based on my spiritual beliefs, take it with a grain of salt.

Some people believe that once we die we go to heaven (eternal life) or we go to hell (eternal damnation). I believe when we die we go back to being pure consciousness. That doesn't mean we continue shifting forever and ever and ever until the end of time. No, it means we go back to being the universe. Whether that means you'll go back to being a star in the night sky, or you go back to being a galaxy, or you go back to being a black hole, the interpretation is up to your personal preference since we have no actual proof right this second. But, the idea is you cease to exist as a human but you continue to exist as pure consciousness. You are the universe having a human experience right now, once you're done with that Human experience and you have lived as much as you want to live, you go back to being nothing and everything at the same time.

A pure, blissful state of existence that does not require thoughts, feelings, emotions, or vessels. You know everything, you've seen everything, you have all the answers, and you have no need for more.

I hope that helps put your mind at ease, and just a reminder, you have free will and no one and nothing can make you do anything you don't want to do. So if being aware is no longer your cup of tea, you don't have to be.

Happy shifting ❤️

[enden-k]

Oh yea i didnt mean it in a personal way that was just badly phrased sorry. (Realising after typing it out that "why i need that hug" is only making sense in my head. Or maybe it doesnt make sense in english how i mean it sorry again)

I just like the concept so much of Vika and Saran. The drawing how he gets craddle knowing that he will get eventually eaten but they are so fluffy and healthy and tearing at the boys because AAAAHHH. Im so obsessed with this concept right now, maybe its my sick brain needing something to cling too. Tenderness in a darker concept.

And keeping it short. Do you get the concept of liking a character a certain specific way but everyone else i want to talk with about the character is just like "yea he is hot, yea he looks cool" but they never go into deeper character analysing ways and then i dont want to talk with them at all about that character.

-🐉

kjasbk its ok its ok

i like to think vika and sarans relationship is like this whole "dark love" themed, but in a consensual, non toxic way as i usually like AHHA (toxic yaoi/yuri my beloved). the super early super first idea was to go into toxic iirc but as i fleshed out their dynamic, saran turned so soft and gentle with vika and i like this so much better. it feels like its supposed to be like this with them: love and tenderness in a gloomy/dark setting

theres genuine, tender, healthy love for each other, both being right there when the other needed it the most. all vika wants is to look into sarans eyes and bask in these feelings and sarans love he finds there, yet every look costs him minutes of his life. their love is literally eating at him but its what he willingly chose and what brings him happiness. and he knows even when his time comes and he will be devoured completely, he will be with saran beyond death. all they do, its all mutual, its all consensual, its all tender.

im aro but whenever i draw them im like whoag this must be what love feels like. my hearts so full haha

overall im kinda trying to give them this "it looks like this but you have to look deeper to properly see" thing like. from the outside it looks like saran trapping vika in his hold and gaze and not letting him escape ever while in truth, its saran keeping him safe and cradled. or whenever saran babbles. the ambiguous meaning?? fooling ppl on first sight?? "look deeper or properly, its not how it seems at first." idk how to describe. maybe i also suck at conveying it AHHAHAHAHKAJSBCKJ

anw im rambling, idk where i wanted to go wtih this. i rlly cant shut up abt them LMAO sorry. im really happy to see how you like them and whats going on with them tho, this means a lot

ALSO I UNDERSTAND THAT SO WELL. i have the tendency to study a character under a microscope if i really really enjoy them and when i tried (i dont talk much to ppl anymore so its all in the past) to talk abt them to ppl who claimed to love them as much as i and then it turned out it was just superficial/surface level, i could feel my excitement shattering and just didnt discuss character studies or lore etc anymore. ofc ppl can like character how they want, im not saying its bad. i just always felt a bit alone/disappointed/embarrassed whenever it happened so im just keeping to myself now. so yeaa i get that

[dingledraw]

Hey dingle random ask I know, but u have said before that u have autism, and I myself believe I have it as well, but im undiagnosed and no ine really believes me when I talk about the symptoms I share with people who are diagnosed but anyway

I think im having a shutdown? My body feels really weird like im not there. Some parts of my body is like , I domt know ut feels wlvery weird, when ppl speak to me I cant seem to open my mouth, and if I do ive been speaking really slow and soft? And im breathing really hard and ive been forcing myself to not stim, and stimming helped but it made me feel weird for neeeding to do so and im typing really fast for some reason and have been listening to the same song for like 80 times and covered myself with my blanket and locked myself in my room

I cant really get away from my trigger (its my parents fighting) so what shoyld I do? I feel so scared and on edge this never happens usually, ive been so off today ever since starting my account for the first time and im really panicking here do u have advice?

Thabk you. If you need to ignore this ask for whatever reason I understabd completely, take care ty for ur art

Oh gosh, that’s a hard question. Autism shutdowns can be triggered by many different things and the best way to deal with can differ from person to person. I’m sorry that you can away from your trigger that really sucks to hear.

In regards to feeling disconnected from your body I have a weighted blanket and a weighted plushie (I got the plushie form here) that helps me. You can use other heavy things (like a coffee table book) and try and put them your chest while you lying down and see if the weight helps you calm down. Soda can also help. That sounds odd, but the sensory input from the carbonation, the cold temperature and the flavor can also help focus on the body. Another thing that is also related to temperature, is taking something like a bag of frozen peas and again place it on your chest, which again forces your brain to connect to your body. I also find that moving my body helps, which ofc can be a big ask if you’re already exhausted, but maybe just walking around in your room while perhaps listening to something.

The most important thing to do is be kind to yourself. It sucks that you feel weird stimming, but it’s not weird that you need to do that. Autistic people don’t regulate their emotions by the same means that neurotypical people do, and there is nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to do it in front of others if you’re not comfortable, but don’t deny something that helps you and is completely harmless. You need to be kind to yourself, and give yourself what you need in order to function and be happy. If that includes stimming then you should use it. I wear headphones almost everywhere, I would rather not and wear cute earrings, but I have to do what is best for me and helps me function in a noisy environment.

Again, it’s hard to give advice since autism varies from person to person, but try different things and see what works for you without judgement in regards to whether or not it is “weird”

Take care of yourself and stay strong 💪

[crguang]

omg I’ve been wondering what ptn was…after reading it was a game it caught my attention. I’ve never heard of it before but seems interestinggg, I’d love to know more abt it from someone (you) who def knows more of it. should i download it 👀

THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS YES. to anyone reading this that havent yet tried out path to nowhere, download it and thank me later. it's for the sapphics, trust me... you won't find better writing wise, art wise, creative wise like im totally biased but i jus tlove games with such extensive worldbuilding that its super easy to create ocs or stories within the game, no matter how dark they may be, and have them fit perfectly with the overall vibe of the game. it's a gold mine for ppl who love making ocs (like me), there are just so many possibilities!!!!!! it's amazing.

onto the game itself though, the premise is basically that you, as a player, wake up as the 13th Chief of an organization called the minos bureau of crisis control (MBCC) which serves as a jail for people called Sinners, who have obtained special abilities through mania corruption. the concept may sound abstract but like i mentioned in another ask, you can just see "mania" as a tangible sickness that draws on humans' negative emotions and it's super deadly (and can be found anywhere) so there are quite a few organizations whose purpose is to fight against it. so as the chief, you have the very unique power of being able to control Sinners through "the shackles", whose origins are hinted at and further explained as you progress through the story. Discity (the capital of this world if you will) is a place full of elitism, corruption, social inequities, discrimination, gang violence--- its a whole mess. Sinners are kinda seen as sub-humans and are ostracized by society, treated as violent freaks who others should be scared, and the chief basically changes that prejudiced perception that most people have on Sinners by seeing past these stereotypes and giving them a safe place to live in should they need one. it's a long process but it's part of what makes chief such a great character, they have so much personality that pretty much everyone sees them as their own character and not a self-insert atp. im rambling sorry fksfbk but i swear the writing is so good. the story handles heavy themes yet the do it delicately and in a way that feels so satisfying at the end. i think they conclude heir characters' arcs really well so you're not often left wanting when it comes to characterization/character development. im typing this on my laptop so i dont have access to my photo gallery rn, but if you want me to post some of y favorites CGs to show how ptn's art style looks like in game, just ask !!! i have quite a few in my camera roll

ptn's a tower of defense game, it's not turn based and it takes some time to get used to all the different mechanics. the combat is a core mechanic though, you cant progress through the story chapters without fighting at least one battle (some chapters have no battles but most do), so i would say to be a little patient on that front. i swear it gets fun once you have the hang of it. personally i find the drop rate for Sinners really good even if it seems like 180 hypercubes for one pull is a lot, the probability overall of getting a S-rank is higher than like hyv games so its less discouraging. building characters can take some time and can be a pain in the ass but it's so worth it when you start clearing levels easily...

i dont really know how to present this game without repeating myself lol, if yall have specific questions im always happy to answer them but tldr is always gonna be: DOWNLOAD THE GAMEEEEEEEE

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

[kim-deadja]

to ooc: Im guessing many ppl tell you this same thing but I love your portrayal of kdj and honestly I am so impressed that you managed to capture his character so well despite not finishing the novel yet.

I like the fact that you seem to be able to make him happy without breaking his character ^^

Other than that, as a role player myself i admire you 🙈?? I check your blog every hour for your content and I even enabled notifications for your blog aha— and not to put a pressure on you or anything but I cant hep but feel disappointed when you’re too busy and there’s no new posts for that day 😔😔

Rp thingy aside though I think you’re very cool and you’re such a chill guy 🕴️ but you’re also kinda mysterious from some reason. I’d love to get to know you too outside of rp!! But I’m guessing you wont drop your main blog 💀

Anyways. We love your blog!!! Please don’t go inactive soon. Thank you for reviving the orv rp community.

doesn't matter how many times people say it or how many times I hear it, it always make my day to know that you guys like what i'm doing =)) Hopefully I can do even better once I finish the novel.

and i'm honored to know that 😭 glad you're enjoying this blog as much as i love interacting with you guys ❗❗

thank you, i don't mean to appear mysterious but if thats what you think 💀👍 and nope, sorry =)))) i won't be dropping my main blog lol, its way too silly and kdj centered. but if you do find it like that one other anon then sure, we could interact there ooc (?)

+ I promise I'll be here for as long as I can ^^

[fatliberation]

tw medical abuse, tw gender dysphoria, tw surgery

Hey, I am looking for some help. I am about an American 18/1X and I wish to have a breast reduction, both for transgender and back pain related reasons. I have an appointment with a surgeon in two weeks.

I already had one breast reduction, but that surgeon fucked me over. Even though we agreed on small B cups, he barely took anything away so that the boobs "fit my body type" and keep me looking feminine. (It was honestly traumatic but thats another point).

While my first breast reduction was paid for by my insurance, I will have to pay this one myself, so it has to go right this time. So I want to bring pictures of fat afab ppl with flat chests. But I cant find anything. It is already very difficult to find pics of afab naked breasts. Even more difficult to find fat examples. And impossible to find fat examples with flat/small boobs, as they are usually sexualised to fit a hourglass silhouette.

Do you have any pics or resources for me? I will also pay for the pictures. I was thinking of contacting sex workers, but again I am having trouble finding any fat sex workers with flat chests.

Thank you for your help and for this blog. It has been a long, long journey of daring to want a flat chest even though I am fat. It still feels very scary, but people like you help me be brave

Oh my god, I'm so sorry he did that to you. 🤬 I'm more than happy to help you find what you're looking for! You deserve to have full autonomy over your body, and you should be so proud of reaching your decision. It's okay to feel scared. You have a community of supporters right here at your fingertips. ❤️

Check out the tag #TransTummyTuesday on Twitter! it was created by @TranyeWest who is a fat trans sex worker! you’ll probably find other SWs there under the tag. I know of a few fat & flat-chested SWs who are here in the kink community on tumblr, too. I invite anyone who sees this post and feels compelled to share some photos to please do so!

[lillonvia]

Ayyy mama! guizhong asker is back! (I couldn't use my phone for a while, anyways-) part 3 bAby. So like I said guizhong is alive and well in the game, still pretty cheerful but kinda off for r e a s o n s we already know. (I think it would be pretty cute if both zhongli and her disguise as mortals together as a couple) traveler doing the story quest and all, But it's a bit different. I like to think at this time and age of liyue lots of people would know reader's story and would incorporate it to lantern rite and just other things in general (like how in the game zhongli asks traveler to get the perfume and glaze lily as offerings, I think this can just be coincidence but guizhong). Like how superstitious farmers and shepherds putting bells on their flock of sheep so they would be able to find them, and people putting bells on graves so their deceased loved would be able to find their way home, heck the story itself could be a use for parents for their children to not stray away from them. Okay enough story building and on to the actual ask- ghuizhong meeting a reincarnated reader as a shepherd using the bell for his flock (reader is a teenager in this) how they met is because traveler and zhongli was trying to convince reader to give them the bell for a discount. (since I also wanted to add that bells are really only sold by farmers/blacksmiths since other than for spiritual reasons aren't really sought out for) oh yeah- the stuff that zhongli needs are different in the game it's now like- a toy, the bell, and jade

i have been procrastinating too much i hate myself- IM SO SORRY ANON I CANT WRITE A FIC ABT THIS I AM PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF DOING SO </3 but ill share my thoughts and interpretations on it utc instead if that workshsj

guili stepping down from their pedastals and instead posing as a mortal couple is just so adorable to me <3 i have LOVED (platonically) guizhong and guili ever since i saw the lantern rite 2023 cutscene on youtube YOU DONT UNDERSTANDD why did hyv kill off such beautiful and wonderful ppl 😭 first tomo, then signora, makoto, then bonanus, menogias, and guizhong?? WHY. ok thats enough outta me-

and the shepherd bit is also really interesting, since we don’t really have any sort of hint of agriculture yet and i think that it’s really intruiging and unique <3 i love the fact that reader’s story is still well known across liyue to the present day, and i’m sure guizhong is happy that reader’s memory is preserved via the usage of bells.

AND M O R E FOUND FAMILY TROPES W/ GUI AND REINCARNATED READER?? YES PLEASE‼️ i feel like at first, guizhong would try to stray away from helping to find the bell that once belonged to reader, bc she most likely feels that if she did come along (not to mention zhongli was so understanding of this JSJSJSJJ), the memories would come rushing back and theres a chance she can’t hold it in anymore. you has always been so very special to guizhong and by extension, zhongli, after all. <3

the moment guizhong realizes that reader was reincarnated in a mortal body is probably when she notices how similar current you’s speech mannerisms and little habits—that no one else really noticed but she did, shes your mother after all—greatly resembled the traits of the half-qilin!you.

and the final nail in the coffin is when they asked to spend a moment with guizhong in private, and they dropped a BIIIGGG bomb by saying,

“ its nice to finally be able to see you again, mama. ”

HEHEUJTLRB im so delulu when it comes to mama!guizhong <3

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

Thats why I would be so conflicted even if you think you could be xyz idols type its got to be so rare to genuinely meet them at the right time when they are in a non crowded environment and to not seem deluded either. I think you cannot force these thing if it dont happen it dont meant to be, but san situation seem really sad and tbh you shouldnt need 100s of others to feel happy in life but he got something going for him with his talents and that all that matters in the long run, if he do or dont date as we cant go around playing cupid so it shouldnt matter.

These idol groups get so popular that they reallt just have to either embrace it or accept it some way or other they simply not going to be seen nor treated as a normal being yet that doesnt mean they cant find genuine romance in their life. Nothing is impossible. Plus it not like it got to happen right this moment it could be next year he meet his fs or year after.

I would genuinely love san more than his money or name or image yet I realise I do not fit into that lifestyle of his thats why most their fs are probs already rich and famous, good for them yaknow. A lot of ppl still dont get the ins and outs of all that goes on again I would give san all my love and support... if I knew there werent going to be crazy knetz or dispatch or kq preventing it from going public in a healthy way. In fact with social media being this crazy I dont know why they would want it to be so public in the first place yet privacy will be rare for them and bts and many other group.

There still has to be more to life than fame and money. Anyway these just my observations! I wish more celebs could be like cillian murphey he perfect example imho of celeb who can still be in public but he have and keep private not everything has to be online for parasocial relationship, he just going about his life without needing to be kept up to date bruh didnt even know he was a meme.

Older idols said smth interesting how they had more rest time and less social media so they could solely focus on one task at hand yet puts into perspective how reliant society has become on a made up online world. I dont think internet fame is a legit thing its just something thats been made up. now every other person and their granny is an internet star so its hard to not want to fall into the trap of being constantly online even if u only use one platform like tumblr theres too many rabbit holes to go down. that includes kpop idols and their fs. we all need to yeet ourselves into space or something to get real break from constantly being connected online yet disconnected from ourselves.

I think if there were less online celebs then it would eventually inspire others to be less online but as most celebs are still online it only encourages all the wrong behaviour of their fans, or an overattachment to them, even if they do date in private, ppl still going to poke and dig or be a nosy mf or want to be their idols fs and so on. it never ending cycle. Yet I too find myself getting so interested in someone elses personal life bc it seem the current thing to be doing yaknow it a literal trend.

sorry for my long ramble.

I know it’s near impossible to meet an idol unless you have connections and even then it’s hard not to seem like a weirdo. But that’s also something that’s not new? Celebrities are kind of like our modern day aristocracy. Beneath the people elected to rule, yet wealthy enough to have immense sway. And you couldn’t just meet aristocracy.

And it’s not really about wanting it to be public. It’s about the fact that people are insane nowadays and need to calm tf down.

And it makes sense celebrities would be with other people who are rich and famous. There’s a lesser likelihood of being used, you’re at a similar place in life so there’s little power imbalance, you can relate to one another, you know they can keep up with your lifestyle, and they’ll understand certain things the average person can’t understand.

Again, celebrities are like modern day aristocracy, and you know for a fact aristocrats always married other aristocrats.

And while I think kpop idols should definitely distance themselves more from online platforms, I also understand why they don’t.

They can talk to fans, connect with them, promote music, etc. many groups wouldn’t have a lick of fame if they weren’t on the internet, or they’d be below nugu nugu groups. And I can admit that.

Social media has also helped with the spread of KPOP to the west, showing them to broader audiences. Nowadays, social media is important to an idol’s career

[webslingingslasher]

hiii j 😞❤️‍🩹:( just need to vent..

im feeling kinda down rn. i just feel lonely. like, im actually an independent person and im introverted so im happy in my bubble but after the thing that happened with my ex friends, i realized that i never rly fit in anywhere.. i outgrew a lot of things and people (including them) so now im just by myself and i have no one to yap with :( i dont rly have anyone to share my life with rn it's sad.. it's been months..

im not regretting that i cut ties with them lol but idk im just kinda sad. im always changing and outgrowing things and yea growing is a good thing and ive changed a lot for the better but it just sucks how ive never found my people and i still haven't. ive never even had a bf either so literally ive never been loved.. god

ive been told that i'll find my people eventually and yes i believe that 100% but what am i supposed to do when i feel lonely? i always just let myself go thru the sadness of it but it's been kinda long.. i cant be like this always.. n yes maybe my journey rn is about being with myself and not others but what am i supposed to do with the loneliness? ..where do i put it, you know?

ive been meeting ppl though like thru my classes and orgs but we're not close, we just rly work together.. i mean it's a start i guess. but everyone else alr has their own set of friends n crowds and i just dont find myself fitting in with a lot of them bc it's just not me, like im not built like them. and i dont want to change who i am just so i can fit in. and i like the way i am and i dont wanna destroy that or lose myself so.. idk :(

all i can do rn is hope and wait but it's getting real lonely and it kinda hurts that i dont have anyone to share my joy and pain with.. im literally just carrying myself thru it all

-🧚🏼‍♀️

i am so sorry fairy :( i'm sending you a big hug. i promise it'll all come together and you'll find your people. for now try to lean on the people around you that love you and support you and spend a little time with yourself and try to have fun.

don't change yourself. that's boring and fairies aren't boring.