#i cant feel anymore
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I deleted the gofundme. There were no donations and now it’s too late. I feel like I failed my baby. His sister is all over him checking on him, but I had to leave him at my parents’ house and they promised they’ll update me on his condition. I’m absolutely devastated. I didn’t think I’d lose either of them this soon, especially not from something that seems to take so many people from my life.
I love you, Tigger. You were the greatest protector, the most adventurous indoor cat I’ve ever met, and such a wonderful brother to Flower. She’ll miss laying in the same cat bed with you and cleaning each other, and I’ll miss being woken up at 2 am by you breaking my door open and knocking everything off my shelves. I’ll miss seeing you sunning in your favorite alcove, or watching the birds outside from your cat tower. My little brother will miss you laying with him when he has nightmares or when our parents are reading to him. My mom will miss having to scold you to get off the table or on top of the fridge, only for you to climb back on. My dad will miss his tv buddy, his seat warmer. I will miss my best friend, my childhood protector, my baby I cradled in my arms from when you were a kitten.
#cat#my cat#tigger#cancer#grief#loss#mourning#goodbye#i cant even cry anymore#i cant feel anymore#theres been so much grief lately that im just#empty#i dont even want to be alive anymore#i dont want to hurt anymore#i sont want to always rhink about dying or being alone#i have never wanted to relapse in sh so badly#im trying so hard but i just eant to give up#im drowning and theres nothing i can do to save myself
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caterina's datamined character description calling her korean-italian and early lucanis designs having him look east asian . i'll just do everything myself i guess
assorted thoughts: caterina is fully 'korean' or whatever the thedas equivalent would be in this design, and clawed her way to the top of the crow food chain after years of work. their armor is something caterina forcibly incorporated to distinguish house dellamorte from the other crows, and a symbol of their status because they get it custom made or imported. of course race-equivalents do not really exist in thedas or this world but i also will never forget how gaider just implied (east) asian people don't exist in thedas because it just so happens that there are no asians on the continent of thedas (guy who forgot about boats) . explode and die. there's not the same kind of discrimination as exists irl ofc (and the dellamortes are actually treated fine, much better than a mage or elf) but a level of xenophobia against foreigners from a different continent. illario looks the least like her, and passes for being fully antivan, which changes how he is recieved by the other crows.
and sorry if the korean is bad please actually let me know if it's horribly translated i relied on google translate . if you are one of ten asian dragon age fans feel free to talk to me at any given moment.
#there's also some things in my mind about illario's ability to pass as an antivan while not really being antivan at all#so he's actually partially rivaini. and how differently he sees his family being treated whereas he gets the privilege of passing#but isn't at all 'antivan' . and while he tries to distinguish himself as being like caterina and her heir etc.#he is Aware of the difference in how he is perceived. i can really make anything about immigrants fr LOL#if you the dragon age fan reading this are korean feel free to give me constructive criticisms PLEASE.#it was all referenced off the 'joseon army' wikipedia page with some da-specific embellishments#oh plus modern styles of hanbok. ok. thats it#and other thoughts from my own background. lol#dragon age#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#caterina dellamorte#veilguard#my art#edit. slight adjustment because technically gaider has been misquoted#but its still a stupid fucking idea#you cant decide you're including india dressed up as the roman empire and say 'dorian is indian' without thinking of THE SPICE TRADE#NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE SILK ROAD AND CREATING FANTASY EQUIVALENTS ANYMORE
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Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest
Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here
Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭
It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony
#the final confrontation was basically his first death again#and YES he Does want the Joker dead#and it would've been really really nice if Batman was the one who did it#but when batman made it clear he wouldn't kill the joker. Jason easily switched to saying “LET me kill the joker” to accommodate#because he Wanted batman to pass his test#he gave a test to dick too. and technically tim but it wasnt the family test it was a different one so it doesnt rly count#AFTER utrh and the reveal and the batarang you can go hog wild about it. i care less about it then#granted i do believe they make jason more scared of the joker after it at some point#i guess because hes a bit too willing to kill the joker and ive heard jason wasnt meant to live after utrh#my watsonian explain for that is he was so fixated on his plan he cpuld override his fear. or maybe the pit. either work#i prefer the fixation bc i dont like the explanation that the pit was the /only/ reason he could get all plan together and done#BUT THATS UNRELATED!!!#dc stop putting the joker in jason stories im begging you please please please. lock him in a vault for the next 20 years or something#it Cpuld be good and i understand. but also. after so long of people that dont know or go for jasons need for family and parents#that love him and he can trust#the joker starts to feel like?? hm. words. a cop out? oh haha its that guy that killed him woagh hes here#i bet you dont even know that jaybin got beat until unconsciousness by an angry mob#while asking batman to save him only for batman to have to walk away#anwya. where was i going with this#i think i got off topic#jason todd#dc comics#batman#ADDED AN EDIT. SORRY. this post has been haunting me it keeps me awake. what if people misunderstand#they cant read my tags where i ramble more depth. thisbis the only option#EDIT EDIT: hiii#removed the sentence abt jason having the joker for several days bc i misremembered some things#go read its-your-mind 's addition instead also#ok no more i wont edit this post anymore i promise
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shadow regularly fucks up his circadian rhythm to hang out with Rouge
#i wanted to draw omega too but dear god i cant do this anymore im trying to take it easy dsfberfrs#im sorry big guy ive only drawn you once before ToT your time will come when i feel better#shadow the hedgehog#rouge the bat#sonic fanart#sth#dont tag as ship
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i used a rng for an arcanaswap au just to try help with artblock and it immediately took over my life completely
#learning disability is all fun and games until you have to write big blocks of texf#i feel like every time i read over the profiles i find new spelling mistakes i just cant be assed anymore#persona 5#p5#p5r#goro akechi#p5 morgana#morgana persona 5#haru okumura#makoto niijima#yusuke kitagawa#ann takamaki#akira kurusu#futaba sakura#sumire yoshizawa#ryuji sakamoto#kasumi yoshizawa#ren amamiya#arcanaswap#arcana swap#*bloody at the mouth* im Normal About This#gryffin's aus#asau
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Wyll
#wyll#wyll ravengard#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate 3 fanart#bg3 fanart#im not happy with how the horns turned out#but im feeling sad and i cant work on this anymore#maybe ill delete it and try again later
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simp
#I HATE COLORING I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE#my friends bought me an Apple Pencil and omgggg I’ve never had pressure before in my life#this changes everything#I can actually put my hand down on my iPad to doodle??#I’ve gotten so used to hovering my hand like what is going on#anyways 15!chuuya is actually amazing#I’ve made a recent discovery that I’m a lot similar to Dazai than I thought and idk how I feel about that cause he’s such a brat#ive gotten to the point that I’d actually talk to him on those character ai’s and it’s actually so embarrassing like it’s nothing#like the actual bsd dazai but I’d actually rather talk to a robot than a real person about my problems#I like kids being kids so I’m always down to draw 15!skk#chuuya nakahara#dazai Osamu#bsd#bungou stray dogs#skk#soukoku#myart#I’m gonna post and pass out now
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I'm so tired of feeling like this.
#actually mentally ill#depressing shit#mental health#sorry for being depressing#anxi4ty#cw vent#i cant take this shit anymore#im going to kms#im losing it#ready to kms#depressing life#kill my life#why am i like this#i wanna kms#kms#i want to kms#what is wrong with me#i hate this#what the fuck#i dont get it#i hate everything#i dont care anymore#fuck everything#mentally fucked#i have no mouth and i must scream#woke up feeling more lost and out of touch with myself.. my surroundings and my partner all in the span of a night.. what the hell..#mentally exhausted#im a horrible person#mentally unstable#bed rotting
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I feel sick. Sick of myself, my life and my feelings.
#mental health#kinda depressing#deep thoughts#tw depression#own thoughts#thoughts#deep feelings#mentally exhausted#emotionally exhausted#emotionally drained#dead inside#i cant do it anymore#tw vent#deeptalk#tw depressing thoughts#feelings#tw depressive#reality
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toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections
#this is my punishment for actually looking at yt comments isnt it#deltarune#kris dreemurr#maybe im looking too much into things but...#it also feels sorta. misogynistic when ppl default to he/him for androgynous/non binary characters#like ive seen multiple ppl use “well its understandable that ppl assume kris is a he when they have such masculine behaviours/hobbies”#the masculine behaviours and hobbies in question are being a prankster#i shit you not#like they called pranking... masc?? huh#can girls and others not get their silly on anymore??#also like i said before with the exception of like frisk and chara like almost every nb character is masculinised#like napstablook monster kid#god there has to be more but my memory is shit atm and i also have to go eat dinner#but i wanna talk more abt like why it feels so misogynistic to me#i thinnk it has to do with the fact that defaulting to he/him just makes women feel like an afterthought. ig like unless its confirmed then#they must be a guy to be relevant or smth#and also like how much they gender entirely non gender specific things (see: pranking)#ofc it wouldnt be BETTER per se if they imagined these characters as girls but its smth ive noticed and i just get frustrated cus#it feels sexist but i cant FULLY articulate why#i feel like i had the answer a lil while ago but i forgot#i might come back to this who knows#wow ok rant over#for now
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so sick and tired of the “jedi are an evil and abusive cult that steals children” as if half the reason they weren’t protecting these children is bc sith were out killing them or TURNING THEM INTO SITH. they weren’t even STEALING children to begin with I thought we all knew that was Palpatine’s game not Yoda’s.
#i hate star wars fans i truly do#they wanna pick apart the jedi like of course there are mistakes and wrong doings#bUT THE SITH ARE RIGHT THERE#trying to build the narrative that anakin was abused by the jedi is absolutely crazy when his actions and thoughts were all his own#and GROOMED by palpatine#the only reason people want to pin them as bad people is because yoda could call out anakin’s bad behavior#that and they didnt promote him to master right away because oh im the chosen one i should be#like you need to PROVE you are the chosen one and that you WILL bring balance to the force and NOT DESTROY IT#THATS FHE WHOLE PROPHECY#AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY WERE CAREFUL WITH ANAKIN???#and then the oh well they make you supress feelings#nO#THEY#DONT#they make you surpress attachments so that if it comes DOWN to it you will save the many and not just risk it all to save the ONE#disney has done damage to the star wars community i swear#saw a tik tok comment section where they said the council is like the christian church#lost my MIND#well the jedi fit cult criteria!!#wow! star wars fans find out WHAT A GROUP OF RELIGION IS#LITERALLY ANY GROUP OF RELIGION CAN BE CALLED A CULT NOT EVERY CULT IS BAD#im sorry i cant stand it anymore#star wars#star wars tcw#auxxrat yap#jedi council#jedi#star wars legends
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im with fam but i always thinka him so doodle time
#xmen#xmen comics#erik lehnsherr#magneto#snap sketches#'hey guys i wont have time for doodle posting for a bit' me when i lie fCKJWRBKH#i actually dont likr this too much but im posting just so i can ramble bout erik fjKJCNWKDCHJ#I dont think its bad just not really post worthy#i draw this mfer sleepy so much thatswhy i dont like this#i usually just hoard doodles like these since they dont feel super share worthy to me but i repeat#i just want an excuse to talk about erik and i wanted a homegrown visual#anyway. i have wine in me im being bold <- its not that bold#sometimes i look at how the black lines on krakoa eriks design put focus on his. //coughs// front#and i get lightheaded like mfer if you do not want me to stare do not put a literal box in front of my EYES#ok thats literally it. i wanna try to doodle something ill be Happy happy to share but lbr i cant muster anything anymore tonight#so for now bye bye hope everyone had a good day today !!#im gonna go draw erik indecent maybe ill feel better then
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Sylv/Gard + Shiny fusion
#getting its own post because im proud of htem YIPPEE!#sylveon#gardevoir#pokemon fusion#pokefusion#these r redos of very old sprites and im really happy with how much better they look#redoing some of my old sprites has been fun because dang i got a lot better in a year#the thing i struggle most w w my own art isnt that its ugly its often that i feel like im Just Not Getting Better#so this has been exciting :]#now my regular digital art HAS been backsliding and um that is an issue. girl help i cant fucking draw anymore#but uh. one at a time i guess. taking what i can get
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fire nation festival wear aka a blatant excuse for me to push atla clothing design conventions to the absolute Limit
jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#kugisaki nobara#jjk atla!au#atla!au: art#atla!au: illust#atla!au: design#lmhs#yuuji#megumi#nobara#there i go again putting way too much effort into designs that will b featured in all of one (1) chapter probably#the first fire nation fit i did for yuuji isnt even fic canon btw for the majority of th time theyll just be in their earth kingdom clothes#and these r the only fire nation clothes they'll Actually wear fr a significant amt of time#so feel free 2 disregard th other fit i designed for yuuji in that ask because this is all i want to see him in Ever actually#no ankles no chest no toes showing my boy is FULLY clothed. not an INCH of skin exposed. no sinful clothing cuts here no sir#did i draw him buttoned up from head to toe out of spite? maybe :)#'fire nation is based on imperial japan' me: on it boss taisho era inspired festival wear comin RIGHt up#real talk though these designs put me through the Wringer cries combining those two influences ws so hard...#all 3 braincells working *nanami voice* overtime smh#imo the final designs still ended up being a far cry from atla canon but i cant be bothered anymore they look Fine its Fine#my kids r dressed 2 the nines and that was the goal
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found back this thing from 2021
putting the addition directly onto the og post since nobody reblogs the full version:
'about this i feel a few people have misunderstood what i drew it for, my tags didnt help at all for sure and it is just one doodle, but i didnt made it as 'i'm questioning my sexuality and need to know what specific labels i am'. i've been well aware of what my whole deal is for years.
this was a silly doodle i drew as a recreation of all the thoughts and questions i had that went 'what is attraction? what is romance and sexual and platonic and friendship and something else entirely? how and why do we need to define feelings and relationships so much? why do people act the way they do, date the way they do, marry the way they do, live the way they do? how much does your own culture and time influence the way you do those things, the way you think you should act and feel? how much does amatonormativity influence and impact all of us? and why are some people so resistant against the idea of questioning and living out of these norms?' among many others things.
again, i drew years ago. i didnt want to post it because it felt unnecessarily personal and because people are insufferable about queerness.
EDIT: pls for the love of my sanity reblog the full post instead.'
#every now and then i go 'what is attraction and how does it work and do i experience it?' then read/listen to allos and demis and grays'#experience with it all and go 'yeah- huh. i dont- no- huh- is that how people really work? what'#every time i feel like i get it i get so confused with new infos. wish could understand people better.#mightdeletelateeer#EDITEDIT: reblog this version or the full version pls. i cant delete this in a way that matters anymore. i expected only 3 or 5 people to#leave a like and that wouldve been it. it broke containment and its annoying.
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Wooyoung
cr. jwydiaries
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