#i cant explain this how i want to. but i’ve just come to terms with stuff and it feels good

[candy-cloud-system]

I have Never seen an endo shit on traumagenic systems - i have seen them shit on people discrediting their experiences but its wild that ur acting like a victim when ur the one being weird. Psychology largely agrees that we do not know enough abt the human brain - specific dissociative disorders - to claim they can Only be caused one way. Also forcing people to reflect on if they're traumatized or not just for them to be "allowed" to use system terminology is Wild - even if every single system is caused by trauma, so many traumatized people have no recollection of the trauma. This isnt black and white and youre silly for caring so much abt internet strangers repressed memories or lack thereof 🩷

First off, learn to read . D N I. Means DO NOT INTERACT! I don’t understand what’s so hard about that, literally you have to go through the effort to read a whole message that’s literally saying don’t interact, go to my account, which tells you not to interact, and then type a whole message and never once do you think “oh! I’m breaking DNI! I’m crossing boundaries! Hm! Maybe I shouldn’t do that!”

So I’m gonna be a bitch to you now cus you broke my DNI and I’ve already stated I’d start being a bitch to people who do that

“I’ve never seen endos shit on traumagenic systems 🥺🥺🥺” okay explain the constant death threats we get. Explain the people LIKE YOU! Who break DNI to tell us shit we literally do not want to hear, explain the people who go into our comment and tell us to off ourselves, call us names, make up slurs. Tell us no one loves us and everyone will leave. Do you understand how fucking stupid you sound?

Traumagenic systems get SOOOO much bullshit from endos and that’s why it’s such a problem. They bully trauma survivors and victims, making them spiral and feel like fucking shit because they didn’t want people mocking a disorder that makes their lives harder. The amount of times I’ve seen endos telling traumagenic systems to die simply because they fucking EXISTED is fucking insane.

Even if you could be a system without trauma, you wouldn’t be in the same groups as us, you wouldn’t have the same terms you wouldn’t be classified with the disorder. Because our disorder stems from TRAUMA! You have to have trauma.

You can have trauma you don’t remember, BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE YOU AN ENDO. It makes you a traumagenic system who doesn’t remember their trauma! You guys fucking groom people into believing their trauma isnt enough or that they’re endo because they can’t remember and it fucking disgusts me.

I’m not making people reflect on their fucking trauma, IM TRYING NOT TO GET HARASSED FOR MINE.

FUNFACT. I AM A VICTIM! I GET HARRASED BY ENDOS FUCKING ALMOST DAILY AT THIS POINT! IM ACTIVELY TELLING YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE CONSTANTLY BECAUSE YOU GUYS CANT FUCKING READ THREE LETTERS !

I AM TIRED OF COMING ON THIS APP AFTER WISHING I DIDNT GO THROUGH THE SHIT I GO THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS DISORDER AND SEEING SOME RANDOM ASS KID SAYING HOW THEYRE GONNA MANIFEST A SYSTEM FOR THEMSELF. IF YOU FUCKING “CREATE” A “SYSTEM” BECAUSE YOU WANT ONE. FUCK YOU. ACTUALLY FUCK YOU. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I HATE YOU. AND I HAVE ALL RIGHTS TO HATE YOU.

“You’re so silly for caring 🥺🥺🥺🥺” I CARE BECAUSE I GET HARRASSED TO THE POINT OF SPLITTING OR HAVING CRASHES DUE TO OUR BPD AND NPD. I GET FUCKING HARASSED UNTIL I CANT TAKE IT. THATS WHY I TELL YOU TO NOT FUCKING INTERACT.

Get off my fucking blog. Never come back. Endos and their supporters are NOT fucking welcome here. Respect my fucking DNI.

[careyakane]

Big Sur - July 3rd

Spent a night back on Paulo Colorado road just south of Monterey. Big Sur is a women I’ve come to understand. Just after sunset all you must do is look at her silhouetted bluffs as they fall from the sky into the sea and you will understand what I mean. We set up camp just above Lyods house. He passed a few months back and now the home he built with his own two hands lies in limbo between friends and potential buyers. The scrap yard has been cleared and the orchards are growing thick with weeds. Time as always is passing. This place as it always has is changing. All that is different is my noticing of it, my account of it… Otherwise this is no different than anywhere else at any given time. And even then, someone is noticing.

Two friends (Kayla and Jules) from back home rode with me from Santa Barbara. Kayla was an unexpected friend after school. A perfect example of how insignificant relationships can become one of the few friends you have in a short period of time. She never asks anything of me and in some ways she reminds me of Ella. Her brightness and bloom in this life contrasted by an ability to become cold and sharp at the drop of a hat around the wrong people. She has loved and I feel I only have time for those who have loved lately. I don’t have to explain myself as much to these sort of people. I don’t need to justify my actions to them.

Jules flew with me from New York. She has been a good friend for close to a decade now. I have no intention to sleep with her and I thought she was under the same understanding but yet last night she lodged herself close to me and I grew stiff and weighed the consequences of sleeping with her. I decided against it for many reasons and woke up glad at that decision. She is a rare breed of friend and far from what I want in a partner. I find it hard to imagine as I’m sure many religious folk would understand, sleeping with anyone I cant see as a long term partner. We all spent the majority of the day driving along the coast stopping at odd pull offs. One took us under a familiar eucalyptus grove occupied by monarchs. We waded through a stream that led us out to the sea. It’s rare on this stretch of coast to find yourself on the shoreline. Cliffs hundreds of feet tall seem to barre the way protecting their precious sea. Nonetheless a handful of people had found their ways out to this lone stretch of sand. A group of three girls who dressed as if they were headed to a country club or sorority gathering and Two young boys of maybe seven who stared like stones at Jules as she lay unclothed under the sun. I laughed at the sight of a familiar experience painted into boyhood. (Story continues in my head)

[cloudycleric]

heyy dude i’m watching ur podcast video rn and i saw some of ur posts about it can you please go more into detail about ur thoughts on this charming man and byler cus i feel like i’ve been screaming into the void about the smiths LMAO. i didn’t really get it w this charming man but i wanna see what you think 🙏

okay so im guessing youre asking for an explanation on this charming man & dont worry i have also been screaming the smiths into the void lately. okay so my thing with this charming man is like, it doesnt fit entirely into the perspective of either will or mike but there are certain parts that i think are just so fucking byler. i think mainly the admiration that the speaker has for the charming man is what really sells it for me; it is very very clear in the song that the speaker has a real deep & passionate admiration for him (& maybe even a crush but i dont think morrissey is ready for that talk yet & also, as a jewish person, he can go to hell.)

we got the first verse & ough DOGGIE this one is real byler coded. "puncture bicycle on the hill side desolate" could be a lot of things but the specific bicycle imagery sticks out to me a lot for obvious reasons i'm sure, originally thinking i was going to talk about how the lyric could parallel the swing set meeting since mike too in a way was left stranded looking for help during that moment before he went up to will,

BUT, i think it fits in even better when you consider will's absence from hawkins. "punctured bicycle on the hill side desolate" could also be imagery of will's bike, because god knows where it is now, & mike is seeing it just in complete misery.

the next line "will nature make a man of me yet?" okay when i tell you i have an interpretation for this one i MEAN IT. nature, in this line pretty obviously, refers to forces beyond one's control, & i once again think this is coming from mike's perspective (thought it could be easily applied to will's). okay hold onto your horses because this one is the wildest in the west

"will nature make a man of me yet?" – mike wheeler's internalized homophobia makes him unable to view himself as a real "man." by the forces of nature taking will away from him, perhaps he views this as a way of the universe trying to make him "man up" or whatever. i know that one makes me giggle so much. it hits harder if you think about it in terms of mike's obliviousness because ough thats so good, but it also can apply to will in the same way now that he's been separated from mike. but im sorry from mikes perspective it hits so much harder

OKAY now we're moving to will's territory. the next line i want to talk about is "why pamper life's complexity when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat?" a big theme in this charming man is how the charming man is of a very higher class than the speaker, which can definitely be said about will & mike. so, this could be explaining will talking about how mike's situation is different than his, i have a deeper better explanation,

i think this line could refer to "why think about all the fucking shitty things ever when mike is so great." it's super implied in the show that mike & will always turn to each other when theyre going through a rough period, or that mike is always protective of will/wants to make sure that he's okay, so i think this may be will talking about why he should deal with the outside world, in terms of trauma or homophobia or whatever, when he can just chill out with mike & not have to worry about all that

okay, so. i don't want to talk about the "i would go out tonight" line because i don't really think it applies here & that's okay. but what i WILL go over next is the "this man said, 'it's gruesome, that someone so handsome should care,' " line because all i can think of when i see this scene is in s4 when mike & will are burying the body in the desert & will cant help himself but stare at mike. it's probably really "gruesome" (fucking AUGHHHH terrible) that someone as handsome as mike should care about him & his problems when he thinks that the probability of them getting together really sucks. even though his personality is great too, mike is a very good looking guy i will say myself & i have also thought this since i was a youngin. so the way that he is just so beautiful to will & also to anyone with eyes makes it even worse to be pining over him because god, he's just so fucking pretty?

"jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place" once again talking about the difference in class between the speaker & the charming man. though i wouldn't go as far to describe will as a pantry boy. but guess what? will never knew his place until after he found mike.

okay finally the last two lines of the chorus but i analyze them out of order;

the "he knows so much about these things" is like OUGH that is VAN SCENE BEHAVIOR. i could 100000% see mike going "will knows so much about these problems i have & exactly how to fix them" or whatever, & in a metaphorical way you could make the argument that will is trying to communicate something along the lines of "return the ring" but trying to get a 1:1 match for that line is a bit tricky & a lot of a stretch since will is trying to convince mike to go for it, BUT what im trying to get at is that the line could parallel how will is giving love advice to mike in the same way that the charming man does to the speaker, & the speaker is as entranced with the charming man as mike is with will

I HOPE THIS ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION! i should really organize this into a manifesto or something

[peachjagiya]

Hello hello.

I recently discovered your blog and I like it very much. I love they way you express your opinion and the way you explain things to make your point.

To be honest, I am a baby army. Started listening BTS at the beginning of this year (I KNOW, what the f was I doing before? No fucking clue ugh!). This also makes me a new Taekook stand, which can be super overwhelming. Reading you blog helps puts things into perspective but I still have a few questions and I would like to know your opinion (sorry if you’ve talked about this before!) I have a lot to catch up on in terms. And find to this, social media edits do not help. They are very biased to say the least

Anyway, on to the questions.

1. When do you think Taekook became a couple? From what I’ve seen and felt, I felt a change in 2020 in the dynamic of everything. This being the videos posted, the run bts episodes, the interviews … I might be wrong but I felt a shift then and wanted to know your opinion.

2. In terms of group dynamics, how do you think the other members feel in terms of Taekook? Like I try to put myself in their shoes and it must be hard to have a good dynamic if they have couple’s fights and things like that…

3. In terms on Fan Service, I can’t help but feel bad when Tae has to witness the constant push of FS between JK and Jimin and unable to express or do anything about it. What do you think about the maknae line’s dynamic in regards to this?

There’s so much information out here sometimes I find myself doubting that they’re actually together but then I witness some instances that brings back my faith.

Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to answer. I appreciate it. Sorry if my questions are all over the place, my thoughts themselves are all over the place with this subject and I CANT SLEEEPPPP!

Bear with, it’s going to be a long one!

I’m baby army too. A year now. I just happen to be the kind of person who goes all in and devours content.

Social media edits are so discombobulating for new fans. I definitely found myself falling for some edits that I no longer consider. Fake subtitles, slow motion moments that aren’t actually moments, quora rumours… it’s a lot. I still have to remind myself what’s factual and what’s a rumour I read on a K-pop prediction Twitter. It’s a minefield. I’ve found tumblr quite useful because there’s a lot of people here who can put things into context and clarify and provide the perspective of army who were there at the time. I hope you look at my comments because that’s where the real sense is!

1. When do you think Taekook became a couple? From what I’ve seen and felt, I felt a change in 2020 in the dynamic of everything. This being the videos posted, the run bts episodes, the interviews … I might be wrong but I felt a shift then and wanted to know your opinion.

I wrote a timeline but my thoughts have evolved a bit. I think basically they’ve always been circling each other, always been interested but a combination of hormones and the massiveness of pursuing a relationship they’re societally or business-ly discouraged from having created a lot of shifting and drama. I think maybe early confessions, kissing, all that young love stuff might have occurred here.

I’ve been reading some really interesting thoughts and having great discussion about the various members relationship with the company and how this plays with Taekook.

The conclusion I keep coming to, based only on my reading of it, is that Tae seems to be a rebel with strong will to prioritise his heart, company be damned, but JK seems to be more inclined to follow his head despite his heart being huge and loud. His heart wins more and more though and that’s why you get this on and off vibe of the first half of their ten years.

2018 feels pivotal in that both of them hit a wall of pressure and seemed to separate off into a distinct unit. They get each other, they’re each others self-confessed safe space. They’re united even when the rest of the members aren’t getting through. I’m less convinced now that this was a getting together - maybe a resolve to work through complicated stuff together though.

I’d agree 2020 is a shift and that’s where I’d place it. I’m about to get overwrought but I’m thinking about it a bit lately: Think about like pandemic and the impact that had on the whole world. Suddenly work isn’t the most important thing, suddenly a shift in everyone’s priorities. I know a few people who, despite the scariness of it, actually found they were able to breathe and reassess. I decided to move my entire life back to my hometown and quit my job, very heart over head decision. I wonder if this enforced period of quiet let them reassess too. BTS Monuments shows Tae quiet and alone at home but a jacket that looks like JKs in the back. Maybe they saw each other without the intense workload. Time to talk, time to just be them and see how that worked. And hiatus/chapter two might just be a natural continuation of that. JK seems as goal oriented as ever but braver at prioritising himself and Tae seems to be the same and maybe for the first time their ambitions in heart and head are aligned which lets them move forward more smoothly.

2. In terms of group dynamics, how do you think the other members feel in terms of Taekook? Like I try to put myself in their shoes and it must be hard to have a good dynamic if they have couple’s fights and things like that…

I have a feeling it’s a professional minefield but personally that’s just their best friends in love. Maybe it makes their life a little harder to have a secret to hide but I don’t think they’d resent them. I bet they all have things they need to hide. From what they’ve said, I think Jimin might have been really entwined in it. He’s a natural carer, protective of them both. He’s often first on the scene when Tae is sad and he’s often implied he’s been there when Tae has been crying.

As for couple fights, I think about that post-Tokyo intense awkwardness between Tae and JK where they’re visibly annoyed with each other. That’s one time when it seemed the other guys were involved a little. They just seemed hyper aware of the awkward but kind of eyerolly. The thing about teens and early twenties is that you think everyone wants to know your drama. I’d imagine with maturity, they probably keep fights between themselves.

On an amusing side thought, I’ve seen two videos of potential times of discontent between Tae and JK where Yoongi has given the impression of being quietly in Tae’s corner. I think those two get each other in a really low key way that I find quite lovely.

3. In terms on Fan Service, I can’t help but feel bad when Tae has to witness the constant push of FS between JK and Jimin and unable to express or do anything about it. What do you think about the maknae line’s dynamic in regards to this?

I think it’s had an impact but not where you’d expect. The TikTok edits would have you believe Tae is seething in the corner but I don’t know if that’s entirely true. I have seen video of him seemingly rolling his eyes after laughing at Jimin and JK but it seemed notable because of how isolated it was? He is quite good at a poker face though, right? He bides his time and fills in the real details eventually. Again this is only my sense but I feel a little awkwardness between JK and Jimin over it now it’s happening less? Any time you’re expected to pretend anything is a massive mental drain on anyone. But equally, they’ve entered the buddy system together and I’m assuming that hasn’t been forced on them? So hopefully they just remain close and the fan service was all strictly business for them. Maybe I’m just imagining that they seem weird with each other.

There’s so much information out here sometimes I find myself doubting that they’re actually together but then I witness some instances that brings back my faith.

The universal Taekook experience. 😂 it’s natural to doubt. It feels too good to be true.

Thank you for lovely words and great questions, anon 💜

[muffin-min]

Ok so I saw a post from @skullse-mi that shows a concept of Oswald the rabbit having different jobs in the house of mouse which it something I adored right away. Then I suddenly remembered the house of villains and decided to use co host oswald to make a little scenario on what would happen.

I genuinely headcannon that oswald isn’t in as many shorts compared to mickey and due to not being in many shorts as mickey not many customers know his name or know who he is. Often being referred to as “Mickey’s angry younger brother” which obviously sets him off. People forget to see him as oswald since every time he announces something mickey is always by his side. This was planned originally to showcase their close brotherly bond. As there are many siblings in the audience that are very close they also wanted to share that same thing as they both hold their bond with pride. But this doesn’t go so well he is always known as “Mickey’s brother”. I never saw the house of villains so i’m just going off of the few clips i’ve seen so bare with me. obviously with the villain’s plan in action they gonna try to get oswald on their side as he has just as much control over the club as mickey does. Unlike mickey he keeps the original contract under his possession. God knows how many people go after mickey for stupid reasons and they would probably find the contract in a fly if it was in Mickey’s possession which would be very bad. Also with oswald having 420 bunny kids this makes him very good at hiding things so he holds the contract to the club to keep it safe. Oswald tries to hide the fact his forgotten problem bothers him a great deal, not wanting to bother mickey as they run the club. He always puts himself down by saying to himself that its not a big deal. This grudge does come out intentionally sometimes by trying to one-up mickey in subtle ways or doing more grand entrances. The villains know how Oswald feels about this and use this to their advantage. After some manipulation from Ursula he removes mickey out of the contract and allows the villains to take over in exchange for the fame he’s been wanting for a long time. The villains don’t do their part of the deal and practically use Oswald as a doormat. Oswald realizes his mistake a proceeds to go find mickey and the others to come up with the plan to take the club back. When he finds Mickey is obviously not on good terms. Mickey and the others are angry at him a corner him for an explanation. In true disney fashion Oswald apologizes and explains how he felt for a long time. He apologizes for making it a big deal but mickey turns him down that Oswald’s feelings are valid and it is a big deal that oswald feels this way. They promise to change things once they get the club back and work together to get it back.Things do change when they get back to normal as Oswald starts to announce shorts by himself and gets short only about him. Posters or advertisements would normally show Mickey and Oswald but new ones now shows them separately. and last and not least Mickey would normally say “My brother and I” when referring to him and oswald but now he says “me and oswald” making sure the audience get his name. I would normally draw this but I have no time as school starts to pile up (I have to finish assignments as I write this and I want to throw up but oh well) So take this written headcannon and a doodle of the manipulation scene. I also cant draw the villains well as my personal style is not very flexible and I have to practice drawing them for a little bit. Sorry for the bad Ursula

[gontagokuhara]

WAIT WAIT WAIT BEFORE THE UPDATE HITS CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE MAKOTO AND JUNKO "LORE" BECAUSEEE💀💀 EVAN CAPTORVATING MADE THE JOKE(?) TOO AND I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS 💀💀💀 LIKE WYDMM

OKAY ISTG THIS IS MY LAST "LORE ME UP" ASK BC I CANNOT KEEP CONSUMING YOUR CONTENT W/O GIVING YOU MY MONEY FOR IT I LITERALLY NEED YOUR COMMISSIONS TO OPEN BUT IM WAITUNG UNTIL THE END OF POINTY OBJECTS💀🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 (there's not a flag to wave for the pointy objects nation so I'm just waving the gay flag it's basically the same thing)

THIS MADE ME GIGGLE SO BAD IN THE MIDDLE OF WORK HELP 😭😭😭 oh i’m so excited for this chapter to go up EXPLANATIONS BELOW ‼️

ok. so. generally i’ve had the finer plot details of pointy objects nailed down and mostly unchanging though i Will add or go into more detail on certain things if i get the inspiration. so like pointy objects is Locked In. but sometimes the opportunity for shenanigans presents itself (and evan beckons me successfully to the dark side)

he is my Kokichi Correspondent but as the previously posted chapter makes abundantly clear. there’s another character that evan is a Knower Of that i humbly request his massive brain’s opinions on. enter junko enoshima. i will have very much more to say AFTER chapter twenty-seven goes up but for the sake of addressing the messy ex naejunko allegations:

…it started as a joke. still Mostly is one. but i have spent HOURS in recent months watching and listening and playing junko’s voice lines over the course of the series to get a Feel for her and her preoccupation with makoto intrigued me. evan’s art of the two of them cosplaying as their rival ocs also tipped me in this direction. they’re just so sillayyyyy makoto wants to fix her and junko wants to make her worse and they kiss about it until they start slap-fighting. it’s deeply unserious to me and i love it

so in terms of pointy objects: this is of the more Open-ended things, and i’m thinking the next couple chapters will allow people to come to their own conclusions. i, personally, think it’s very funny and silly to imagine po!naejunko are very, VERY distant exes who still have some major tension. i also think joking about all of the big five being messy whores and passing makoto around like a blunt (<- creds to evan for this one) is SUPER funny. it is equally acceptable to me to 1) consider this canon thousands of years in the past or 2) ignore this entirely and think of them how you see them presented in the text of pointy objects itself. MUCH more can be said on this next time <3

which i DO ENCOURAGE (though do not pressure) ALWAYS AND FOREVER i am obsessed with this fic. these characters this lore the story Etc Etc. its my baby in the same (if not more intense) way that my first big hitter fic ‘jump’ is. and if given the chance i will talk about it forever so comments/asks/questions/theories about pointy objects always make my day i love people being invested in something i am really proud of and love very deeply

so cider SNIFFS!!!!! i’ve told u over and over how grateful i am for you and your support and your engagement and all around loveliness and you are not even the first person to bring up paying for pointy objects and it makes me WEEP EVERY TIME!!!!! I’VE BEEN SOOOOO NEGLIGENT OF COMMISSIONS I WANT TO SO BAD I’VE JUST BEEN BUSY AND KEPT PUTTING IT OFF 💔💔💔 i snuck this into my faq a little while ago but to Anyone interested commission-wise in the meantime while i get my shit together. dm me 😏 i do need to get commission info finalized and OUT it’s not even funny. inshallah it will happen eventually

[dokoni-mo]

Heya! I absolutely adore your writing of Crave and I heavily look forward to seeing more of your work! It’s amazing and your version of William in here is just.. perfect! Words cannot describe how much I love your Crave William!

I have some questions about these two! For example, how would William handle a situation in which he and his lovely Bunny are talking, but Bunny’s too ashamed, embarrassed, shy, etc to give proper words.

Second question would be how William and Bunny spends the holidays! What are their favorite holidays and what would they do?

And last question (I am so sorry for all the questions I’m just so curious about this all, AAA!!) I noticed when you replied to another user that you said Bunny wasn’t very vocally clingy! Would this mean that they’re more Physically clingy? How clingy are they in general and how does Sir react to this? :O

P.S

Thanks for answering all of our questions! And just.. generally being active and lovely! Apologies if I’ve annoyed you with the length of this!

Hiiii there! Thank you so so much for reading ahhhhh it means a lot!! I can def help you out with these!! Its no problem at all :)))

1 - in terms if bunny was too shy to say something, i can see will just thinking its really cute that youre still shy around him after like,, everthing loolllll

BUT he is still very much big about like, you vocally telling him what you want, even if its pretty obvious. Its mostly because he likes hearing bunny say how much they love and want him and what they want him to do to them, but also because he doesnt wanna get the wrong idea of what you want and potentially make you uncomfortable. If youre too shy to tell him he'd just gently try and coax it out of you, reassuring you with his soft touches and kisses and all that good stuff. He's pretty patient when it comes to you, so he's happy to wait for you to muster up the courage

2 - oooo holidays?? i didnt really think about that too much!!

I can see Will not being a big fan of holidays tbh. Like, hes just really generally old and grumpy when it comes to that sort of thing LOL but if you enjoy the holidays he'd at least TRY to have a good time. Out of all of the holidays I can see him liking Christmas the best, even though he's not religious (at least, in my version of him he isnt). He just finds that people are more tolerable around christmas time, and there's just something peaceful about having a busy year wind down to him.

Michael doesnt want anything to do with Will around the holidays so he often just spends it at his mom's house with his siblings. It never bothered will (because he doesnt want anything to do with michael either) and it REALLY doesnt bother him since getting with his bunny. with you off of school and stuff he just has you over at his house the entire time you're on break. He also takes a shit load of time off work and just stays home with you.

I can see him liking a nice cuddle session by the fire when its REALLY cold out :))

3 - so i didn't talk about this one too much in Crave because i didnt really know how to explain it,, but im glad you caught on!!

Bunny is more physically clingy, but only because its a learned behavior they learned from Will. Will can be really handsy when his bun is over, like you practically cant get away from him. He likes to be touching you in some way at all times (holding hands, sitting you on his lap, guiding you with his hand on your back, etc), and you just kinda,, pick up on it. Being close to him helps his bunny feel safe, and he's more than happy to reciprocate. He knows words can be hard for his little bun at times, so when he's not teasing your words out of you, he's perfectly happy to just have you nestled up close to him

hope this makes sense anon!! feel free to send in any more questions you have :))))

[richardsphere]

My conclusive overall review of RWBY Vol 9

Now that my feelings on the finale have had half a day to settle. I feel it is time to give my opinion on the season overall instead of just the finale on its own.

The new cast of characters is also somewhat wanting. While one-off characters Jinxy, Herb and the King fulfill their purposes perfectly well. some crucial characters important to the seasons overall narrative (Cat, Lewis, Alyx and Little) were with all either one-note (little), Hollow shells of plot serving to sell a future spin-off book(Lewis and Alyx). The cat was fine though, and fulfilled its purpose well.  For the first half,  Volume 9 suffers from a major disconnect as the plot relies on the characters familiarity with the fairytale. which makes it sort of unsatisfying to watch cause we have no idea how the fairytale even went. As a result we spend half the season wandering around, seemingly aimlessly, while neither characters nor audience have a clue what they are doing besides vaguely advertising an RT’s eventual spin-off book release.  Sort of like the early Sherlock Holmes books, where the plot is moved by sherlock but we only have Wattsons’ knowledge of events to guide us through. Its a clueless mystery with no fulfillment to it. Then moving into the later-half of the season, Where the show attempts to handle difficult topics and, in true RWBY style doesnt always handle it well. While the eventual handliing of ruby’s self-acceptance issues is in the finale is good . The decision to have Jaune’s problems of self-worth be solved by “yes you werent the hero, but would you like to be one now?” leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like its trying to say “Ruby, your impostor syndrome was a bad thing, you should learn to accept yourself for who you are. You’re actually fine as is dont worry about it you are good enough”. meanwhile to Jaune the tree’s messaging is: “yes you’re right, you do suck major ass. and while we dont have any tips on how to improve yourself as a personi can put you in the right time and place to be usefull for just this once because your woodshell happens to be above the cat RN.” and now for  the origami-paperes elephant in the room. The race of little star-shaped Alexanders-the-Great, who commit mass ennui-motivated suicides because they ran out of acre to conquer and/or decorate, and are portrayed as right for taking the easy way out of their boredom. Now i’ve had someone respond to me on an earlier post about the stars, that they believed the stars were meant to be an allegory for people with terrible wasting diseases that leave them frail and in terminal misery, and the process of them making the difficult choice of euthenasia, as well as the difficult path of a family member to come to acceptance with that choice. Which is a heavy, nuanced and important topic that I do not want to make light of in the slightest. So please take no offense when i say that; While I could see the space in which people with those experiences could project themselves into Jaune’s struggle with Penny’s death. I cant actually see that as being the actual situation facing the paperstars themselves. Because the way the stars explain their problem to RWBY is verry much one of boredom and listlessness rather then any state of terminal misery of which only death could possibly grant relief. So the star-subplot either tried to tackle euthenasia and missed the mark by a mile due to framing issues (which is dangerous), or it just said “Remember suicide is an acceptable cure for boredom” which is actively evil. as messages go. Add onto that the fact that, in the long term their solution doesnt actually work, as they’ll redecorate the acre with gems instead of paper. Run out of acre to decorate again like they did the first time and have find a new way to kill themselves again and this subplot fails critically. And because the latter half of the plot is trying to tie 3-or more such heavy topics together in quick succession all together (Ruby’s attempted suicide, Jaune’s grief over Euthenising Penny, Ruby’s self-worth issues, Jaune’s sisiphean hell, Jaune’s self-worth over failing Alyx) the toxic messaging given by the stars subplot spreads across the adjacent plots like a malignant viral infection. Tainting all of them with a “pro-suicide” undertone that i can only hope was never RT’s intention. Top that all off with a the rather unsatisfying finale, focussed more on loredumping then tying together or resolving the seasons emotional beats and I can only say that, Despite its promise for the tone of the series going forward by presenting hope as an actual thing instead of a mere nebulous concept, This season was in my opinion nonetheless, the worst season of the series so far.

[bluebutterfliez]

i don’t know what to do. i want to talk this out with someone but i’m afraid they’re just gonna harass and hate me. this is genuinely a problem i’m going through.

i’m anti-endo, but at the same time i sometimes believe i’m an endo.

i know it sounds hilarious but i don’t know what to do about this.

i have experienced trauma, but it wasn’t severe, only verbal abuse. it also mostly happened after i was 9 too.

but my identity keeps rapidly changing. not like every 5 years or so, but literally like every month.

i’ve also noticed that it’s very rare for any of these identities to come back. that they just come for a couple months and fade away, never to come back again.

i want to grasp a singular identity. i just can’t. i tried all my hardest to keep one singular identity but no matter how hard i tried i just felt extremely uncomfortable with that identity and switched to another one.

over and over and over.

i lose contact with friends because of this.

i tried everything. nothing worked.

i know for a fact that endogenic systems are harmful but i feel like the term endo best explains what i’m going through. a split identity not caused by trauma.

i don’t know what this exact specific term is.

i feel like if i talk to someone about this that they’re gonna find it funny and hate on me so i hardly ever tried to get help.

but… here i am. confessing it to probably a million people.

i’m just looking for help and support for this weird thing that’s going on with me.

people have told me many times in the past that my name changes too much.

i cant control it.

and my interests and passions change too much.

i cant control it.

i wish i could.

i just want to have a single stable identity that lasts for AT LEAST one year.

either that or i’m just gonna have to mask as one happy person that actually has no clue who they are every month.

[holyyground]

okay so hiiiii 😊

starting off by saying i'm kind of a gaylor myself, in spirit mostly than in action shsbshs i mean i do believe she's not straight and might have been in relationships with women, but that's that, i don't care about the rest.

anyway, i've been thinking about it for a while, that the reason most anti gaylors are so opposed to the idea of taylor possibly being not straight- well, apart from good ol' homophobia, that most of them don't even try to hide, is the connection to relationships and certain people. what i mean by this, and disclaimer; those are just personal thoughts and not something i believe as a fact for everyone- anyway, what i mean by that is that most of them hear the term gaylor and immediately think of kaylor. that people who believe taylor is queer (gaylors) only mean her possible relationship with karlie, does this make sense? and since most swifties have a personal vendetta against karlie, for reasons i don't really care to know, i don't really care about taylor's personal life and relationships (i say as i write this message 💀) tbh, just her music but i do observe 👀- anyway, you get what i mean? since they don't like karlie for whatever reasons, they don't like the thought of a relationship between taylor and karlie = taylor being into women. they can't separate taylor from that relationship and see taylor as an individual, outside of this relationship, who might be queer. i don't know how else to explain this and sorry bc english isn't my first language but yeah it makes sense in my head. like, my perfect het queen taylor absolutely cannon be in a queer relationsh with a woman i hate!!!!1!1!1!1! something like that.

also, i think a lot of people, gaylors included, only see two possible options for taylor: either the hettest heterosexual of heterosexuals or a lesbian. the thought of her being bisexual, pansexual, you name it- just fluid with her sexuality is, as i see it, out of the question. (please, feel free to correct me if i'm wrong but that's how i see it from behaviours inside the fandom.) and here you have lesbiophobia, biphobia, panphobia- queerphobia in general, all fighting each other just because 1. people can't grasp the thought of taylor not being only into men 2. people thinking she can't possibly be into men at all and 3. people plainly refusing to accept that, wow shocking, she might be into women/or any gender as well!! as i said at the beginning of this message, good ol' homophobia 🤩. and anyway, i think that's unfair to taylor. i think most anti gaylors are so aggressive towards gaylors and the idea of taylor being queer because they only see her as a lesbian. and that's truly disgusting. i mean, bisexuality or pansexuality or whatever i mentioned earlier being out of the question, as i said before, is what fuels their hatred towards the idea of taylor not being *only* into men.

oof, i hope what i said makes sense bc my thoughts are just boom all over the place. anyway, cant wait to read your thoughts on this. thank you for your time and patience <3

First I want to say THANK YOU for this massive ask, holy shit. I love hearing y’all’s thoughts about this topic.

Second, I absolutely agree! Over time I’ve seen several comments from non-gaylors accusing us of only seeing Taylor as a lesbian, and that the word “gaylor” only means lesbian, but anybody who spends any time in gaylor spaces would know that isn’t the case. Even for myself I don’t put a specific label on what I think she is because it doesn’t matter. Do I think it’s most likely that she’s bi? Yeah probably, but my opinion on it changes and ultimately I don’t care that much because her individual label is her choice and none of my business.

A lot of the backlash towards gaylors does definitely come from a dislike of Karlie, and having been around the swiftie tumblr community since 2014, that definitely has always been there. A lot of it, in 2014, was because people were generally far less accepting of the idea that Taylor is queer than even they are now, and when she posted that tweet about not making dating rumors about her friends, it only got worse. But then as time went on and Karlie began having connections with the Kushners, it became that much easier to paint her as a villain. But honestly a lot of the hatred comes from the “crook who was caught” line and some dumb rumor started by Perez Hilton, of all fucking people. But a lot of her other relationships with women are shown more subtly or almost not at all, and so because Kaylor is the most visible, it becomes easiest to attack Karlie specifically. And it was also the most recent one we have documentation about, which is also why I think it gets more attention than her other previous relationships like swiftgron. But her queerness is so much more all encompassing than just Kaylor, and it does actually bother me that so many non-gaylors reduce it down to this one relationship specifically. Her whole career is a story of a queer woman, and it has so much depth to it that just gets so overlooked.

In a major way though, I also think a lot of the distrust of gaylors comes from this idea that Taylor is our friend, that she knows us, and wouldn’t lie. A LOT of swifties are VERY attached to who she dates, which we of course saw with the Joe breakup but we still see with Jake gyllenhall, and even Harry. (If I have to see another “I’m a child of divorce” comment about Harry and Taylor I’m gonna Kermit.) This idea that she’s omitted huge chunks of her dating life is horrifying for a lot of people because then suddenly you realize that you matter to her far less than you thought you did. And I get it, we’re all parasocial with her in SOME way, but still.

But yes! Thank you again for this ask, I hope my answer made sense!

[another-dra-anew]

scuttles. if ur still doing the ask meme. kurokawa (annie)

kurokawa!!! i totally didn’t fill out everything except the last bullet point and then forget i was working on this for like a week. ☺️

-My identity hc for them

i hc’ed her as lesbian specifically for a v long time, but bi kurokawa has been speaking to me recently ? bisexual homoromantic may b,, split attraction model my beloved. but who really knows!! my thoughts will prolly change again. 

and i don’t really think much abt her gender identity! she prolly ids as like.. a girlie pop. that’s what she’d say if u asked her. some characters are canonically cis some canonically trans some of them i have opinions on but it’s not smthn like. “canon” per se. and some i just have zero thoughts whatsoever kurokawa is in that last category

- Thoughts on their home life/family

neeeed to rewrite the motive scene in ch1 so bad. uhmmm. ya know. i think kurokawas love of streaming/social media/etc stemmed from like….. wanting to have fwends and that not really being an option for her ? she was v well loved and v well taken care of but like… having a bunch of besties who she could go have sleepovers with and stuff was never a feasible thing… so i think like. having a fanbase is vv much so a comfort thing. can’t have friends over to do their makeup but can do her own makeup while chatting with people. can’t bake for friends but can share recipes/demonstrate them and see people post their recreations. not really about her family, but it’s a bit of a home life detail! 

  - How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

i like how she’s written and handled! i actually reaaaally like what happens with her narratively for reasons i cant explain yet. buuut yea i like her she’s fun! even if her writing kinda shows how old beta is (ie was written before we had proper dra translations). “but wait couldn’t u just rewrite her personality now we know mikakos true behavior” consider: i don’t want to !!!! i wuv her she’s staying. i’ve gently changed things but just… shhh. it’s fine. <3

- The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

despite being in the… sunny and sociable archetype (i will NOT spoil… (<- trying to keep myself in check) but hopefully smthn that’s come across is how like. a big message rn is how important being besties is to preventing murders), kurokawa is like. zero help to keeping people hopeful and not wanting to murder one another in a kg setting. personality =/= how good u are at connecting with people. shes not going to actively make things worse like Some People, but simply having a cheerful nature will noooot help people stay happy and if anything can result in further isolation. it’s a matter of how u interact with others- there’s people who are more negative/pessimistic but they do better to increase the odds of the group being calm than kurokawa does.

and this is nothing against her as a character or a person!! it’s just a matter of how beta is written, and also how she’s written and handled, that i wish was more apparent. i think it’s a fun insight on her personality and who she is. she’s not consciously trying to be, like…… she’d love it if she could be uplifting and a source of hope! but she just Doesn’t form those bonds with people immediately. tsuzuna have very specific approaches and are very Conscious of how they interact with others, and kurokawa just doesn’t have theee… knowledge/skill/experience. because she’s not used to long term emotional crisis management!!!

- My number one favorite ship for them

…y’all remember kobashikawas ask meme fill? i should say kuronori logically they’re The moment. but my brain rn is saying tomori/kurokawa…..

- …Now everyone else i ship with them

she’s v shippable!! again my hcs change often but rn she’s actually one of the characters i can see w/classmates of the opposite gender. woah. that in mind tho, i only really actively ship her with the other members of the kuronorimakitomo polycule, but i also think she’d be cute dating tomori and iranami (downsizing the polycule…. if kurokawa and tomori are with iranami, does that mean inori and maki are with hatano? hm..)!! i think she’d also kinda be 👀? at taira when they first met, but after getting to know her a bit better kurokawas like “oh !” and side steps away. she doesn’t like tais energy.

- The thing i will NEVER ship

. do i need to say it. 

- a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

the fact kurokawa was like. kobashikawa should come with us to the exorcism cuz he investigated the store!!!! despite. literally investigating the store with him is really funny to me. underrated moment girlie what was ur reasoning there!!! also she didn’t even invite ōtori. it’s so silly to me, so i have to say kurokawa and kobashikawa- OH though!! i do also like her and uehara. canon answer for dra in general, to put them together. but i think they’re silly!! overall just the maedas exorcism gang!

- thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

!!! i like her design a lot actually! constantly changing little details, but the general concept of purple jacket, black t-shirt, black shorts, then socks and sneakers, is always the same, and i always like it!! it’s a bit more plain, but it allows for little details to be added (shoes w/hand drawn details, custom made jacket), which are cute and add to her character! liiike, kurokawa and uehara both have custom shoes and jackets, but they came about them, and stylized them in v different ways, and so it says smthn different while still being the same sort of concept. buuuut anyways!! she’s cute and i wuv her fit <3!! 

- A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

maybe a weird thing to point out as a niche?  but i think she listens to a lot of kpop girl groups…. fun time to mention that i cannot imagine her on twitter i think she has one for like. her brand ? which is very inactive. i don’t think she’s one where the music like……. ✨speaks✨ to her i think she’s a casual enjoyer of the things she likes!

[beastofmoss]

Explain your song choices or else 👉

Okay, well, hot dog. I finally got to this ask. I am so sorry for not replying sooner, putting the concepts/ideas in my head into word format that is understandable for people can be hard and requires loads of thinking on my end. The plight of being a blonde, weep for me. 

But, I finally got to this, so thank you for your patience my little funky anon that I may or may not know;;;;00000.

I also found it best to just to pick out the lyrics and describes the reasoning/meaning for Deshan.

Metaphors by Crane Wives

“I’ve gotten good on leaning on metaphors/I’vegotten good at living someone’s else page.”

Deshan’s job in the clan was to be a spy, they were trained from a young age to lie and deceive people–carefully masking themselves and playing different roles. 

“I cut my teeth on secondhand sentiment/you can’t trust a single thing I say”

They are emotionally distant from those they love, and they lie to everyone. They are someone who doesn’t really talk about themselves, and answer questions vaguely. They come in with their warm persona, asking questions, and just,,,,uses it to disarm people–to make people underestimate them, trust them, yet never letting them have any grasp over them. 

“But I always dig up bones in your sympathy/I cant trust a single thing you say”

Digging up someone’s bones is a metaphor for someone who dwells and regrets loosing a relationship in the past. This could be about Deshan’s relationship with themself and their identity as a Dalish (Ir tel’him) or their strained relationship with their brother, Viveras. 

Their trust is hard to earn. They’re a spy, they know how easy it is for people to turn. Yet, even with all their experience–they still ended up trusting the wrong people, and they are hurt from it (Solas, Inquisition, etc.)

Take me to War by Crane Wives

“All of the fire I’ve swallowed/All of the sparks that went dark in my gut/I am always burning up”

This describes how Deshan bit their tongue a lot during Inquisition, playing their warm mask even when they want to rage and cry. Trying their best to ignore the snide remarks of their culture, the worship of them, and the eyes constantly on their back. 

“Dress me in red and throw your roses/And I’ll rankle the beasts with words/its a graceless dance of epithets/we learn to make someone hurt.”

This refers to how people “throw their roses” at them, praising them as they struggle with their declining mental health. “A graceless dance of epithets” epithets can be a term for abuse, this connects to the point above. 

“Give me a fight I can’t resist/Give me something to break with my fist/Take me to war/Oh, honey, I dare you”

This refers to Deshan’s rage and hurt. They want to break things, scream, and to never be a thing to worship anymore. This also refers to Deshan’s rage towards Solas, and the warpath they are set upon–to ruin his plans, maybe save him. If not, they would stab him in his chest than his back–such as he had done to them. A kindness in their eyes.

“I watched a weed usurp the garden/And it poisoned the rest of the crops/It would take days of fighting stubborn roots/To tear the whole damn thing out.”

The corruption in the Inquisition from Deshan’s eyes. Their hate towards the Inquisition as well.

“So I will leave it where it’s standing/And instead I will find me a match/I’ll burn it all to kindling/I’ll burn it all down to ash.”

Disbanding the Inquisition(which was their orginally idea before the whole Solas and Qunari thing happened) And I had a scene planned out where they either start a fire with either the Book of Inquisition, Skyhold, or Inquisition’s flags. Also their rage and anger about how the Inquisition turned into another power-hungry organization, something they never wanted to happen. And to prevent it from becoming like the Inqusition of the Old, they disbanded it. Freeing themselves from it, and shaking off the chains that was forced upon them.

Like Real People do by Hozier, my Solavellan song. 

“I know that look dear/Eyes always seeking/Was there in someone/That dug long ago/So I will not ask you/Why you were creeping/In some sad way I already know/I will not ask you where you came from/I will not ask you, neither should you.”

I wanted to have the story of two people who feels the utmost guilt over things they did in the past and recognize the sadness that one another carries-the guilt, and just learn to form a friendship and romantic relationship. Solas and Deshan notices that about one another, yet they don’t brooch the subject–it creates a small understanding, although their situations are completely different. 

“Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips/We should just kiss like real people do.”

Both characters had titles to play, roles that were forced upon them. Titles replace names, makes people less. When Solas and Deshan are together, they are not those titles. Solas isn’t Fen’harel and Deshan isn’t the Herald/Inquisitor, they are just themselves. Solas and Deshan. Real people.

This also connects with Solas' derealization, as he grows close with the people in Skyhold–the more real they are to him. 

Also, another great song that I feel like describes Solas’ feelings/opinions on romance/friendship is “It will come back” by Hozier.

[redheadbigshoes]

Hi, I noticed your bio says you’re open to giving advice and I don’t know if this is comp het or not but id be really grateful for any insight.

Basically, I am 20 and have never been in a relationship.  Is it okay to identify as a lesbian if I’ve not 100% felt like a lesbian in the past and haven’t been in a relationship?

I used to identify as bi but I now cant imagine myself or feel like I would want a relationship with a man. But because I have maybe liked a boy when I was younger I feel i should now or if it was just comp het.  It feels a bit alien to me, although if I picture it in a very queer way with me being a boy or more masculine (I am quite femme) and the boy being queer too or the perfect kind of Disney animation. I can imagine it blurrily but not really in reality. Sometimes I feel as though I need to just find a man and that I can like boys like everyone else. I feel like if i found a boy who was basically Remus lupin I might be interested and I used to find boys like timothee chalmet attractive but again, I don’t know .

I identify as a lesbian and have used the word to describe myself with friends. Although I have explained that im not sure if im bi. But I feel like I am a lesbian because the word brings me a lot of comfort, joy and is freeing. It feels like me.

The feeling that people wont see me as potentially being with a man or have men thinking id be open for a relationship with them is so nice but scary. I feel like i can talk to me friends like i would my journal, like they know me better now. I feel like for the first time in my life I feel comfortable with cis het men because it is like I can treat them like brothers I never had.

Although, at the same time I feel a lot of sadness because I never knew this. I didn’t grow up wanting a girlfriend, I felt very happy watching straight rom coms, talking about my dream wedding. I remember being on the bus at the age of 16 and seeing a random boy I didn’t know . For some reason I wanted him to notice me , wanted him to know me. It feels weird to me now, to think of how much of my early teens revolved around imagining id love a boy and believing I could when that’s so confusing to me now. Now, I feel like I actively don’t think of men because so much of my life I thought I’d had to and I don’t want that to take up space even though maybe I’m just denying I’m bi? I guess this makes me feel discomfort because i feel like ive found who i am but what if i havent.

I remember shutting the idea that I could be bi down at 15 because id never felt like that... and then realised later i was not straight because i thought about wanting a girlfriend very often. I just don’t want to be lying, but I don’t feel happy identifying as bi because I can’t imagine wanting a boyfriend. I also have never had sex, and I cannot imagine it with a man at all unless I change. I watch a lot of Tv/films with lgbtqa + characters to feel validation and comfort. I can sometimes / more often imagine having sex with a women and it feels safer in my head to me.

I have also questioned if im maybe asexual, because I don’t know comparatively what its like to really like someone and wanting sex feels quite externally pressured sometimes.

Id love to have a girlfriend and yet I haven’t found anyone that I really like. Maybe this is because I am a big introvert but hey I don’t know. Anyway, I’m sorry for this big ramble, but I guess I think about this a lot.

Hi!

First is that having had previous experiences with men or not having any type of experience in terms of relationships doesn’t mean you can’t be a lesbian (or any other identity for that matter).

You have to understand that sexuality can be fluid, even though it’s not fluid for a lot of people. So it’s definitely possible for you to have liked a guy in the past but right now think you don’t like men nor can’t imagining yourself with a man in the future.

Also, what you felt about that boy doesn’t mean it was a crush. When it comes to comphet our “crushes” aren’t actual crushes. You can find guys attractive while not being attracted to them. Noticing their physical beauty has nothing to do with sexuality.

When it comes to unattainable men they’re usually portrayed as perfect and made to be appealing to women, those men don’t really exist in real life.

I think trying out a label can definitely help you understand whether you actually fit that label or not. There’s nothing wrong with doing that.

And as a lesbian, I really relate to your feeling that you’re more comfortable (in some ways) around men. Because after you figure you’re a lesbian you also understand you don’t have to do anything for men and to always please them.

I think a lot of lesbians didn’t really grow up yearning to have a girlfriend, because that would mean that we all knew about our sexuality right from the start. And in the society that we live in it’s perfectly normal to figure your attraction later in life. I can speak for myself that as a child I’ve never wanted a girlfriend, but that’s because it wasn’t shown as a possibility to me, I thought only boys could be with girls in that way.

We as women (and anyone who is treated as a woman by society) are taught to like men and center them in our lives since we’re born. We’re influenced to want marriage and a family with a man, so it’s perfectly natural for little girls (even lesbians) trying imagining themselves with men and liking straight romance, because that’s the only thing you were shown as possible. I’d watch rom-coms and pretend the guy didn’t exist and that the story wasn’t all centered around a straight romance, and that would make it a little more enjoyable to watch.

Believe me I also spent my childhood and teen years revolving around eventually finding a man to settle down with. All that does not make me any less lesbian because I’m not responsible for what other people taught me was the right thing and what they influenced me to be and to believe.

A lot of the things you said I relate with, so I think you really could be a lesbian.

Now for the advices:

1) I think you should watch the comphet related videos I post here, you just click on the tag “source: patronsaintoflesbians” after you watch that video because there’s a bunch of those videos that can help you figure out your identity. 2) Maybe read both the lesbian masterdoc and the bisexual manifesto? They could help you understand your attraction (or the lack off) and even if you end up not being bi or lesbian I’d still advise reading both. The only thing is that I think you shouldn’t only rely on the videos or the masterdoc/manifesto, try watching the videos and reading the docs to make sure of your identity. The masterdoc’s link is on my pinned post.

[logically-asexual]

im just so intrigued by the fact that i wasn’t able to understand a single movie or book i watched or read as a kid. i could never keep track of the story or the characters.

ramble got long putting it under a read more

i always felt like when you tap on the first episode of a show on netflix but for some reason it starts playing the first episode of their latest season and you’re super confused about everything because there’s three seasons of lore you’re missing.

i don’t remember the story of a single book we read in school. i remember short scenes here and there that surprised me or made me feel emotional for some reason but that’s it. i never knew the context. i never understood the whole story. i don’t know how i ever passed spanish or english class.

for a while we used to go to the library and they would read to us a chapter of a book each week and i could never pay attention. i just remember zoning out staring at my nails or the table or anything. we read the hobbit that way i think and i always felt like i had missed a class and very important info with it but no. i hadn’t.

silent reading time was also torture. i couldn’t read i also just stared at nothing for twenty minutes and it was excruciating.

and i also cant remember any movies i watched at the cinema. i remember when we got together to watch the hunger games (and i had allegedly read the book) and everyone was talking about what the movie adaptation did or didn’t include and i was so absolutely lost. no idea what anyone was talking about.

the only thing about my childhood i remember understanding and processing alright was tv shows. i perfectly remember nick sitcoms and cartoons. i think it has to do with the fact that i could watch those over and over again before a new season aired, so i got enough time and repetition to seal stuff in my memory.

i don’t know. i think that wasn’t normal probably. then one day some time after eight grade maybe i was just randomly granted the gift Understanding Media. well. mostly movies, i still struggled with reading in high school. i remember i never read things fall apart, but a children version of the book i had for some reason, and i passed somehow. i still don’t know what the book was about.

i remember my piano teacher saying when i was fourteen that i was at an age when i should read so much because teens are so emotional (in a good way) and full of wonder so romantic (as in romanticism, not romance) stories were great for letting all that bloom or whatever. but that only made me feel bad because i felt how time was slipping away from me and i was missing my chance at enjoying a big chunk of literature.

i don’t think i have adhd or some kind of disorder that could cause that level of inattentiveness but who knows. if i did then why can i suddenly understand movies and stuff? did my brain just develop too late in that aspect?

i usually attribute apparent adhd symptoms from my childhood to anxiety and burnout. because it’s way more likely since i’ve always been anxious and the executive dysfunction and lack of memory can easily be explained by anxiety too. but this thing about the movies and books remains unexplained and i don’t know if i will ever truly know what happened there. and also adhd seems to come with this “hyperfixations and obsessive consumption of media” thing that is exactly the opposite of my entire life experience. that’s the main reason i steer away from the term.

i am trying to actually read now. i know it’s an insane thing for a 22 year old to say but i don’t know when the last time i read something that wasn’t a textbook was before dracula daily. now that it’s over i’ve proved that my brain can keep track of a written story, at least when it is serialized and i have time to process its parts like with the kids tv shows.

i want to read more to get out of this hole. but i also want to know why the hell i am in this hole in the first place. i have almost nothing to look back on nostalgically like people who loved star wars as kids and made their own halloween costumes and had a toy collection and more. i just watched sitcoms and cartoons to laugh and escape from the world, not to understand any themes or messages. i feel like something was stolen from me and i’ll never get it back.

[iagreewithlilithsrightsnwrongs]

ok so. in my college au, theres no supernatural elements, yes? so ive been thinking abt ava n how in the shadow her being paralysed, alone, an orphan with poor caregivers is an integral part of her character. and i dont know how to incorporate smth similar in this au.

i’ve read abt conversion disorder. you can google it n have a better understanding but basically “Conversion disorder is a mental condition in which a person has blindness, paralysis, or other nervous system (neurologic) symptoms that cannot be explained by medical evaluation.”

“conversion disorder happens as a way for your brain to deal with emotional stress. It’s almost always triggered by upsetting situations and other mental disorders.” and “It also happens more often to people who have a history of emotional stress or who have a hard time talking about their feelings.”

the most common symptom is “the loss of one or more bodily functions. Examples include: Weakness or paralysis. Loss of balance or difficulty walking.” also: movements that you can’t control, tunnel vision or blindness, loss of smell or speech, numbness. 

(this got long but this is useful for me n shit so yeah)

common signs: a debilitating symptom that begins suddenly, history of a psychological problem that gets better after the symptom appears, lack of concern that usually occurs with a severe symptom, they affect your movement or senses, and you can’t control them, hey can’t be explained by any other condition, medication, or behavior, they aren’t caused by another mental health problem, they cause stress in social and work settings.

“The physical symptoms are thought to be an attempt to resolve the conflict the person feels inside.”

here’s some examples (which i need a lot of cuz its kinda hard to understand all those medical terms n shit, from all the sites i’ve read on it): “For example, a woman who believes it is not acceptable to have violent feelings may suddenly feel numbness in her arms after becoming so angry that she wanted to hit someone. Instead of allowing herself to have violent thoughts about hitting someone, she experiences the physical symptom of numbness in her arms.” “For example, imagine taking a hard fall off your bike and then not being able to move your arm. But your arm isn’t injured. Neither is any other part of your body.Your body converted the emotional and psychological stress of your fall into the physical response of a paralyzed arm.” “Physical symptoms can sometimes help with an internal conflict. For example, if you’re struggling with the desire to hurt someone, conversion disorder may cause you to become paralyzed, making it impossible to act on that desire.”

now back to ava. it started to happen after the car accident that took her mom. because of how stressful it was, for weeks, ava was paralysed n doctors were confused cuz every test didnt show how the fuck that can happen. some episodes last days but sometimes its weeks, n they might be gone just as soon as they appeared. 

lil 7 year old ava was terrified n it just kept being amplified everytime she thought it was getting better. her mom was dead. the doctors told her her dad wasn’t coming to pick her up which shocked her cuz she thought he was dead (very awkward for the doctors). both parents only children so no help there, grandparents either dead or in care homes. 

then she gets send to the orphanage, all alone and confused since they were in Spain on vacation n now she doesnt understand anything. most workers n kids dont even speaking spanish since the orphanage specializes in misplaced children, so now shes learning english, n spanish, and she thinks shes still paralysed for weeks, months UNTIL. she makes a friend, a kid in another room who found out abt her n befriended her. 

and ava only starts feeling better when this friend, diego, who’s such a sweet boy, but so sick he’s not gonna live that much longer, and he knows it, says “jsut because you cant move doesnt mean ur not fun!! i think ur cool, ava silva.” n ava moves. its a miracle, diego is an angel, ava is saved n all the kids are ecstatic, ava is crying in pure relief but also confusion because what???

doctors label it as a freak accident n dont want to think much of it since what does it matter, ava is just a girl. but the childcare workers now label ava as the attention seeker n never trust her abt anything. some older kids do it too, but most of them are agaisnt the ladies there out of principle n spite. still, it sucked, n now ava cant trust any adult to save her life n cant even trust her own body to work how its supposed to.

as she gets older she both gets better and worse? she definitely knows when and how to calm down, n the episodes go away if the main source of stress gets resolved, except for any stress caused by ptsd, which ava definitely has from yknow the fucking accident n her moms death. she also, however, has a very yolo mentality, n will get in trouble n in stressful situations most of the time. she’s a menace to herself, n it normally results in one or more limbs to go numb or paralyzed. 

she was homeschooled tho, since it two maybe 2 years of her being bullied, picked on, critiqued, n having the overall stressful n horrible experience that is being a new kid in a new school after ur mom died, for the teachers to beg the childcare workers to keep her at home and safe so she stops showing all these upsetting symptoms. its freaking everyone out and it disrupts the class. so yh, ava was struggling.

when she turns 18 n ages out of the orphanage, she scrambles to find a job n a home n shit. father vincent, a local priest, helps her and shelters her. she shows her the beauty of religion n its practices n the glory of god, but ava is more fascinated by the art there. like sure shes seen movies n read things, but shes never stepped foot in a museum. in fact she didnt go out much just out of precaution n also cuz the ladies most of the time forbade her (if she got hurt they could come under fire n they didnt want that with her symptoms n their unpredictability)

vincent tries to teach ava all abt religion, meanwhile she’s studying the architecture, the paintings, the sculptures. vincent wanted a student, but he didnt have that in ava. so he decided to embrace that n help ava with this calling. its also vincent who tells ava to go to therapy n research abt her symptoms n possible disorder. ava does it more out of the fear vincent would get fed up with her not following his rules n getting kicked out for it. it actually helped tho, and she wont admit it to no one ever. 

i rly like this hc for this au, since it stays true to the character while remaining realistic to our universe n world n shit. HOWEVER. if anyone who has this disorder wants to criticize anything ive written, pls dm me, ask me, whatever. im open for constructive criticism always!! 

also this got long apologies

[totebagchiqbarista]

Heyy can i request a luka x fem!reader fic? Like you know how how luka is always calm and cool? What if he turns into a living mess after he meets reader? Like no stuttering or something but hes ranting about her to juleka all the time and cant concentrate when shes around??

what are you doing to me? // luka x fem!reader

request: anonymous

warnings: fluff, swearing?, Luka being a mess

pairing: Luka Couffaine x Fem!Reader

a/n: I really wanted to write some Luka stuff and this kind of stretched out to a good amount of words so I hope you like it! :)

"Dear God, Luka, stop talking!" Juleka shouted at her brother who entered her room uninvited for the 4th time today. She had understood he didn't have anybody really to talk to, but Lord was he getting annoying at this point.

"But I have to tell you something"

Pushing him out of her cabin one last time, Juleka stood at the door frame and stared at the blue boy. "Go out and find a life!" Of course, she didn't mean it like that, but before she could manage what she is doing, she slammed the door shut in front of him.

Luka was taken aback by the change in Juleka's attitude. He didn't flinch though. He was always that one collected and calm person in every group. Anger never fulfilled him in the ways it sometimes filled his mother, for example.

Anarka had never been the type to prohibit them of their freedom, but she tends to let her emotions take over her. When somebody mentions their dad, she turns red, wrathful at the memories that flow across her head. And it's never long until she completely lets rage form her.

But Luka was different. He was always the serene boy you would find in the back of the class writing songs, practicing riffs. When somebody took it out on him, Luka sucked it in, forgetting about the scene in a few days. He had never lost his temper, beat someone up, melted at someone's touch...

He didn't mind it, after all, there was nothing to whine about. He had all his emotions under control, and even though he would never admit it- it made him feel superior to others.

So Luka decided to go to the park. Whenever he had nothing to do, a simple solution always came to his mind- a warm walk through the park.

"Hi, Nino" he exclaimed seeing the familiar couple by the water fountain. "Hi, Alya."

Alya offered him a soft smile, taking a piece of Andre's ice cream. Nino lent him his famous handshake. "I'm excited for tonight!" said Alya, referring to the private hangout at Couffaine's that was yet to come.

Luka had completely forgotten about it. How could he do such a thing? Still, he kept his cool exterior, nodding his head in agreement. "Me too"

"Oh shoot! I forgot I was supposed to meet Y/n tonight" Alya looked back on her schedule.

"Who's that?" Luka questioned, having never heard of that name before

"An old friend of mine. She just recently moved here"

"She can come, too."

"Really?" Alya's face lit up in joy "You would do that?"

The blue-haired boy laughed "If there's one place in Paris everybody is welcomed, it for sure is the Couffaine's ship!"

"Great, we'll see you there soon!" Alya added before collecting her phone and her boyfriend, running to meet up with her long-term friend.

Luka was left alone by the fountain, staring faintly at the water drops in the pool. Hot summer day took a toll on him and his eyes closed slightly under the pressure of the beaming sunshine.

A wooden bench called out to him and so he sat underneath the cooling shade of the trees. Moments passed and Luka grew to be more impatient. Guests were to come tonight, maybe he should return and help Juleka set up for the evening hang out...

Just on a mark, a girl ran to the park, out of her breath. She seemed worn out as she breathed heavily from the excessive physical activity. She looked at the phone in her hands, it responding with a typical GPS lady voice.

"Shit" she mumbled as she frantically tried to get the directions from the small machine.

"Hey" Luka called out to her from his sitting position in the corner "Are you lost?"

The girl looked around, making sure the blue boy was talking to her. "Yeah, I guess I could say so." Just as she returned him the look, Luka was struck by her beauty. It seemed like such a cliché, really. And Luka hated clichés. Yet, he was mesmerized by the girl who stood before him.

"Right... Where do you need to go?" He asked, collecting himself by her feet.

"Uh," she let out an unknowing hum "Here"

The picture she showed was blurry but Luka figured the place. It was a place he liked to visit sometimes, too. He showed her the directions, making sure she knows all the tracks.

"Thank you so much" The girl beamed with happiness in her eyes "Thank you for helping me"

Luka nodded, and the girl turned around to leave in the direction he just showed her. Luka contemplated for a second before asking a question just as she was about to leave "Can I know your name, at least?"

Hope in his eyes, he stared at her for a full moment until she broke the silence. "We only just met. Besides, where's the fun in that?" Sending him one last wink goodbye, she disappeared into the streets of Paris.

Juleka wasn't a person one could easily talk to. Except for Luka. Luka knew his sister was quite an introvert and a rather shy soul. He respected it and grew to watch over her, protecting her privacy with others. But with him, she was sometimes an extremely cheerful and bubbly person. Hell, there were moments he wished she could stop talking!

So when the two of them collaborated in decorating the harbor for their friends, they finished rather quickly. In under 2 hours, the duo managed to make the best party ship anyone has ever seen.

"Alya is bringing a friend," Luka said as he and Juleka tried to put the last fairy lights around.

"Really? Who?"

"An old friend who just moved here. Y/n as I recall."

Juleka nodded, trying to remember the name "Oh yes, Y/n. Alya told us about her. I'm glad to finally meet her."

Soon enough, the guests started to gather and their home was erupting from chit chats and music. Luka talked to everybody, getting lost in the crowd. His mind always found its way back to the silhouette of the lost girl from the park. There was something he couldn't get enough of in her...

"Luka, could you play us something?" asked Marinette to what Luka only nodded, heading to his room for the guitar.

"Alya is here!" Rose exclaimed when she noticed her friend at the entrance. Next to her stood a girl, a girl Alya has told them almost everything about.

"Hi, guys! This is Y/n" everybody welcomed them, all eyes prying on the newbie.

Marinette came closer and hugged her "I'm Marinette" she addressed as she offered her a soft smile "I've heard so much about you!"

"I could say the same" Y/n returned the sweet gesture.

"What took you so long?" Nino asked looking at his watch and then back at them.

"My bad. I got kind of lost."

The moment Luka stepped on the ship, the last thing he expects to see was the girl he couldn't stop thinking about. The girl that has been playing in his head all day, since the moment they met. Well, not exactly met.

"You" he blurted without thinking as he set his guitar down.

The pair of orbs he remembered from this morning, looked up at him, as surprised as him. "You" she joked back, not breaking the eye contact.

"You two know each other?" Marinette asked looking back and forth between the two of them.

"Not really. He helped me find the way this morning" Y/n explained

"And she didn't even tell me her name"

"It's more fun this way, don't you think?"

Luka chuckled offering her a handshake. "I'm Luka"

"Y/n"

The night moved slowly and Luka found himself growing more and more nervous whenever Y/n was around. This can't be! He's always the calm one, the collected one, the untouchable one. No, no. It's just a mire admiration. Nothing much, really. He's as steady as ever...

"Spin the bottle!" Alya shouted out of nowhere

Numbers of confused faces turned to her in a moment. She proceeded, explaining her outburst. "Let's play spin the bottle"

The teens looked around, meeting with other's sights, nodding in agreement. Soon enough, the group was sat on the floor. Upon choosing a seat, Luka looked around. There were 2 left: beside Y/n and opposite of her. He wanted to sit beside her, really. Oh, just how he wanted to sit beside her, their knees touching... But he was so nervous. His palms sweat just for the thought and his heart raced with a speed unknown to man.

So he sat opposite of her.

"Right, so, we are playing spin the bottle combined with truth and dare. A person spins the bottle and they ask "truth or dare?" the one who the bottle has sat on." Alya explained.

Marinette went first, the bottle landing on Y/n. The bluenette smiled softly and asking the question. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth"

"Are you happy to be in Paris?"

"Very!" The two exchanged graceful smiles earning a groan from Nino.

"Where are the fun questions! C'mon dudettes!" he cried obviously disappointed in his friends.

Marinette looked at him in confusion "What do you want me to ask?"

"I don' know, something interesting. Like, describe your perfect type, or something"

Y/n laughed for a second. "Well I don't really have a type but guitarists hold a special place in my heart"

Luka looked at her in surprise but wasn't met with her gaze. That was it. He'll lose his mind because of this girl and there's no turning back. He'll be defeated, if only he wasn't already.

Y/n grew to be a great addition to the class and the friend group. And she grew closer to Luka's heart, more close than he liked to admit. When she was around, his mind was rollercoasters, when she was away her melody played in the back of his head. It was exhausting, really. Luka had never acted this way, especially not for a girl. It was all new to him.

It had been almost two months since Y/n's first day in the city of love. Never had she imagined that she would fall so in love with the people, the culture, the capital of France in general. She was standing on her balcony, looking at the most beautiful sightseeing- the Eiffel tower.

"Mom, Dad, I'm leaving, see you later!" she shouted as she closed the front door behind her. Juelka had invited her to help her out with band stuff. She was a bit surprised to say at least for Y/n wasn't much of an intellectual in that field.

The traffic was light and soon enough she stepped foot on the magnificent ship. The boy she already knew very well was strumming his guitar in the corner.

"Nice tune" she whispered, coming behind him

Luka jumped a little, taken aback by her unexpected figure. "Y/n? Why-"

"I invited her, I need some help," said Juleka from the door. "I'll be back in a second" and with that, she disappeared.

Y/n sat on a chair beside him, feeling the tension rise. Luka's melody became more insecure, more unsteady. It felt as if he was trying too hard.

"What happened?"

"I don't know" Luka answered, regretting holding the guitar now. It was true, when she was around, it was not much he could do. His mind always wandered elsewhere.

An uncomfortable silence took over them. Juleka was nowhere in sight. After some minutes of complete dull, Y/n stood up eager to leave. "Tell Juleka I'm sorry, but I just remembered I have to go."

Luka wanted to say something, but he couldn't. He was afraid of blurting out something way more stupid. So he nodded, regretting his decisions. What has she done to him? He can't even think straight, what to do, what not to do. He's a mess and it's all because of her.

"What are you doing you, idiot, go after her!" Juleka stormed out of the ship, scolding her older brother.

"What?"

"Go after her! Tell her how you feel! God!"

"What are you talking about?" Luka played it off dumb

Juleka's anger only grew "Oh please, mister untouchable, you're not so secretive about it. You can never concentrate when she's around, when I mention her, you grow all impatient. You talk about her ALL THE DAMN TIME. I can't listen to you anymore!"

Luka shifted in his spot "I don't talk about her that much"

"You literally stormed in my room last night talking about her humor and how cool she is. Go tell her how you feel, Luka"

He contemplated for a minute making Juleka impatient "Now! Go!"

The blue boy nodded, setting his guitar aside, and running as fast as he could. He ran the way he remembered Y/n to go. His legs could sprint only so fast but somehow he managed to run it all the way through.

Just by the bridge, she saw her walk by herself. It was already getting late, the sun was just around the corner, held by its fingertips to not yet say goodbye. She was looking to the river, calm and alone. "Y/n!" he shouted, putting all the energy he had to pull it through.

"Y/n!" he screamed once more to what the girl turned around. Just as she was about to ask what was happening, Luka panted taking her hand in his the moment he got the chance.

"No, no, I talk." He said taking a deep breath and looking right into her eyes. "Y/n from the moment we met in the park, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You took a tool on me, god, I'm wrapped around your finger! I can't focus when I see you, I lose all my senses when you smile"

Y/n smiled at the ongoing love declaration. "And no matter how hard I tried to cover up my feelings, to forget you, there just is no escape. I am lost, I'm losing my mind. God, what are you doing to me? I rant about you to Juleka, dear Lord. You made a mess out of me, Y/n, and I love, I love, I love you."

And before thinking, Y/n pressed her lips against his. She kissed him long and lovingly, making him melt under her touch.

"That makes the two of us"