#i cant communicate how i feel to anyone
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actually based on my actions i deserve to be alone and it's better for everyone that way
#vent#vent ish#it's because im being a shitty friend to someone who calls me their best friend#but i let my friends talk about her behind her back#and i do it too#even though i dont want to#but she doesnt deserve it shes done nothing wrong and she clearly has issues (anxiety possibly autism etc)#its not her fault shes done nothing super wrong#i just feel tired of looking after her because she (unintentionally) isolates me from the rest of my friends#i need to stop#im being horrible#i cant communicate how i feel to anyone#and thats why i deserve to be alone
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Reminder: even if trump wins, we’ll be ok. The presidency isnt the only political position that matters, he wont be a dictator, the president doesnt have the power to remove every other part of government that keeps the president’s power in check. Also politics isnt the only thing that matters. Even if we lose some rights (which he cant singlehandedly do) we still have community, we still have activism, we’ll always be ok. We survived one trump presidency, we can survive another. We survived before gay marriage or transitioning were legal, if we have to survive that again we will. Please, no matter what happens, promise to stay alive. Youre valuable, youre important, and youre going to be ok. Its better to be overprepared than underprepared. Im not asking you to lose hope (im doing the opposite of that), im asking you to practice coping ahead, get all your coping skills ready, determine now to stay alive, because i dont want any of you to make any rash decisions later in case we get bad news and emotions are high. Make a safety plan if you need to. Make sure you’re gonna be ok
#if you cant feel hopeful or curious for the future#maybe at least you can be strategic#if we lose a bunch of marginalized (future) voters and activists we’re just handing them the majority#if you cant stay alive for yourself. stay alive for all the other marginalized people you’ll vote on behalf of next time#dont do their dirty work for them. dont kill a marginalized person even if that person is you#im sorry this post was a downer im just. really worried about the way ive heard some queer people and especially youth talking#i just wanna do whatever i can in making sure you guys are ok#if you need someone to message feel free. dm’s and asks are always open#also i disagree when people say activists are emboldened when the present is on their side#in my experience that isnt what happens? they get complacent#all the conservatives would quiet down while our own community is strengthened#like how all the conservatives got loud under biden#if anyone more eloquent than me wants to rewrite this please feel free#or just your own spin on it thats not necessarily better#i think the more people we can make sure are mentally prepared the better#just in case#lilac posts#us politics#cw suicide
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Not a crappy vent but I wanted to make something dumb to let it out of my mind for a while. Still feeling insecure lmao
#alt title: Petey discovers discord#HOW I FEEL AFTER JOINING 4 CU SERVERS AND NEVER SPEAKING THERE#CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW TO BE NORMAL IN A STUPID SERVER FULL OF MOOTS AND NORMAL ARTISTS???#i cant even describe how much i hate this side of this stupid community HELP 😭#HOW DO I CHAT WITHOUT BEING WEIRD#natty draws#dogman fanart#dog man petey#petey the cat#art doodles
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Was nobody gonna warn me that I would fall a little bit in love with every character in Stardew
#I am literally following them around and getting excited like a little puppy its insane#I cant decide who I wanna marry I like all of them… I was a little torn between Sebastian and Harvey at first but now Alex is an#unexpected fav??? and I like Elliott and Sam theyre so goofy.. and I appreciate how down to earth Leah is#Emily is also quickly growing on me she feels like the valleys manic pixie dream girl to me. or at least Clint’s manic pixie dream girl#the only characters I don’t have much to say abt are Shane and maru.. Shane’s still a little mean to me like I know he warms up to u as#u get to know him but I’m not there yet.. and I’m just not all that interested in Maru sadly#it’s not just the marriage candidates its almost all the NPCs especially Granny Evelyn SHES SO NICE?? shes fun to talk to I love giving#her my best flowers.. I also like saying hi to Willy and Marnie they’re nice!!! I love Marnie’s smile it’s so cute#I’m also fond of gus after seeing Linus’ 2 heart event that was so sweet of him… mister gus I’ll give u my best ingredience……..#I’m too busy trying to finish the community centre and make money before I go around marrying anyone or building up friendship#so I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know everyone ;w; I’m trying to trigger the wizards heart events now that I’m at like 9 hearts#with him cuz I wanna be able to move my buildings around#I actually have 2 saves rn one on my brothers pc and one on iOS. but the one on iOS is cosmos file and it just playing as him as a character#not as myself and I think he would marry Alex. but my pc save is my personal file so I’m marrying Harvey#until my pen gets fixed I’ll be drawing at a snails pace pairing the stupid thing but Im making cosmo a ref definitely#I kinda wanna get to know Pam too.. she’s like rough around the edges but in a jaded way I wanna know what she’s like yk#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#Stardew#yapping
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let Spoon enjoy the walmart halloween section the other day while i was there to pick up a prescription. loved these items but Spoon reminds us all to "support small artists!" these were all crafts and the BOO sign in particular were really poorly made.
#loved the eyeball wreath though#makes me wonder if they stole the idea#they probably did!#if anyone seeing this happens to know of a small artist who makes halloween decor similar to this lmk#i prob can't afford it but who knows! i wanna at least follow them on socials if they have any#i could search eyeball wreath on etsy but i dont feel like it hahahahah#besides i really cant afford it lmao. maybe one day!#i aint buying walmart's crap#how cute is it for my furby photoshoot though hehehehehe <3#halloween posting#my furby#s.p.o.o.n.#furby fandom#furby adventures#furby community#furblr#furby#furbies#halloween decor#halloween
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I made a similar post before a long ass time ago for the other three da protags but now it's time for rook, this time in poll format <3
as always feel free to ramble about your ocs in the tags!! 👀
#💾#dragon age#mostly threw this together bc i think it's a fun dragon age character development question#and i wanted to bring some oc community engagement to the dash today#community? comradery? positivity? idk#← rare moment of me not minding if one of my posts breaks containment#ive had this sitting in my drafts forever and kept forgetting about it so whatever. go my scarab#also i want to make a spirit version but i cant have 2 polls in the same post. L#anyway. for lleyth it's actually hard for me to figure out for once bc like i could see pride for obvious reasons including solas#but at the same time i think lleyth is... actually quite humble and does not believe themself to be any better or more qualified than anyon#like they dont want the position they're in at all and they doubt their own leadership skills constantly#and they do what they must bc they have to. not bc 'they're the only one who can (do it right)' like solas wants to believe ab himself#and i think people who make good targets for pride are people who would do anything for power. lleyth does not want that#which leads me to think they would probably be targeted by despair.#i think they are someone who is used to being forced to lock away their sadness and either turn it into useful rage or compartmentalize it#but there is just. a deep and profound sense of not belonging anywhere and doubting their place in the world/others' lives#and if they weren't the type of person whose instincts kick in like a failsafe and make them keep fighting no matter what#i feel like they really would be stopped in their tracks by an overwhelming feeling of futility and misery#and there are a Lot of miserable moments in lleyth's life a demon could use to manipulate that within them 😔#plus despair seems to be the polar opposite of determination. which considering spite really likes/is drawn to lleyth... yeah. yeah#and the fact that despair demons constantly single out rook in combat is like. haha whats going on there bud........#and i personally think the inverse of this question (what spirit would be drawn to them) answer would be determination#bc damn kid you don't know how to quit. you will punch up at the cost of even your own fists and it's admirable#constantly swinging at something bigger than you that you cant take down etc etc#*take me to war by the crane wives starts playing as i lean out over the balcony smoking a cigarette*#take me to war honey i dare you. i'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you <3 etc etc#plus its also tasty to me to think about lucanis having to break them out of the Despair Mind Prison#by chipping away at all of the awful things they believe about themself. as payback#🫵 get loved and adored idiot
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it's important to keep in mind that RGGS is making games for 1) to make money and 2) the ENTIRE fanbase which is way more broad than just the fandom. Majima is and historically has been the most popular character. the gaiden-style game only just proved itself to have potential. of course RGGS is gonna have Majima headline the second gaiden game. Plus the story jumps off IW so people who boarded the franchise with that entry can pick this up without having to worry too much about previous installments. RGGS wants the game to be successful so these choices shouldn't be surprising (one would think...)
^^^
#snap chats#couldnt have said it better myself friend#unrelated whose car is outside my house i almost thought it was my friends vJEALVKEAJKLJ#ok Related Now but yeah !!#rgg doesnt make fanservice per say but they acknowledge what the community is into and make games with that in mind#i cant for the life of me think anyone was ACTUALLY surprised that yk3 wasnt announced or whatnot#My Personal Theory Again just follows after majima disdain and richardson coming back thats my theory based on observation#its just that the sentiment has blown up THIS much is the real appalling part liiiike oh wow .... mates are Mad mad#i still cant comprehend stopping enjoying a thing or drawing a thing just cause of something like this#but i aint gonna tell people how they oughta feel their feelings are their feelings. i will however say it just a wee funny vELKVEAJ#anyway im outta grapes this is a NIGHTMARE
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my inbox also tells me i have one more message than i can see,,,, like i see 2 but it clams 3... been that way a few days that ive noticed and idk if it's a glitch or if it's that same deal w/ when i keep getting activity notifs that dont actually show up when i click to see...
#so i dont know how blocking really WORKS on here actually on the other end but#this feels like if i had someone blocked that follows me was trying to communicate but#i dont THINK i have anyone blocked that would be trying to talk to me or follow me#actually can you even view the blog of a tumblr that has u blocked#it sounds like u cant from what ive heard in the past#so like whats goinon#ive heard other people say a shadowban thing for the notifs but#ive also heard tumblr doesnt shadowban so idk LOL
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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no fucking wayyy dude
#so you kick us out of a sever for saying people shouldnt joke about child rape/assault#and say u have evidence me n a friend were talking behind ur back#so you unfriend us n kick us out of yhe group#instead of oh idk talking about it with us like a mature person#you constantlyyyyy say ur trying sooo hard to get better at communicating but thats suchh bullshit u js want people to feel bad for you#oh sorry i think joking about raping a child is disturbing and gross#sorry me n my friend were talking about that together#not spreading “rumors” or even talking to other ppl about it#js airing problems out to eachother#literally go fuck urself youre such an entitled asshole#you use your mental illnesses to make people feel bad for you and get mad when they dont#sorry im not pitying a cis white girl who lives pretty comfortably financially in a safer part of town.#i cant even tell if she realizes how attention seeking she really is#the excuse of saying we were talking shit in a channel or whatever is literally suck bullshit#if i said something about the child rape jokes in a channel and you know its about you Obviously you should take a fucking look at yourself#Also not to mention when we got in a fight you said shit to my Face in “your channel” that made me go into one of the most dissociative#paranoid episodes in my life Ever. making me question my fucking morals and shit#how fucking up your own ass are you#whatever talk to me like a fucking grown up if you think youre so mature asshole#<- sorry this isnt about anyone here but im so fucking mad its like#genuinely disgusting#venting
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once again i have succumbed to fomo and peer pressure lmao
#abc shut it#we'll see how this extremely vain attempt at friendship community and connect goes#i doubt it wont go great but im trying my best#anyways i'll follow mutuals back#im gonna give it a week and if things dont work out i just wont use bsky and eventually just dissapear off the internet#bc i just feel more and more lonely here and cant keep up and struggle to make friends and make my existance known#nothing i say is worth anyones attention and anytime i post it feels like im talking to think air so whats the goddamn point if it#doesnt feel like i exist to anyone around me or anyone i consider close
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thought about AI generated work too long and now I'm mad
#WHYYYYYYYYYY IS THIS EVEN A FUCKING DEBATE. WHY IS IT A QUESTION. WHY IS ANYONE STILL ACTING LIKE THIS IS OKAY.#THIS SHIT EXISTS BC BUTTHURT INSECURE MEN CANT DEAL WITH THEIR INSECURITIES AND RATHER THAN GROWING THEY MADE COMPUTER PROGRAMS#AND COMPANIES ARE GOING TO EXPLOIT THAT FOR ALL ITS WORTH AND USE IT TO EXPLOIT US FOR ALL WE'RE WORTH BC THAT'S HOW CAPITALISM WORKS#THEY WANT THE MOST MONEY GAINED FOR THE LEAST MONEY SPENT AS FAST AS FUCKING POSSIBLE SO RICH DOUCHEBAGS GET TO BUY ANOTHEE YACHT#WHILE WE FORGET HOW TO FEEL AND TALK AND COMMUNICATE AND LOVE AND MAKE OUR OWN WORK JUST FOR US.#NO. THEY NEED TO SKIM OFF THE TOP OF EVERYTHING EVERYONE DOES AND IM FUCKING SICK OF IT.#HOW DO PEOPLE NOT SEE THIS ISSUE FOR WHAT IT IS?#ITS NOT JUST YOUR JOB THEY WANT TO TAKE. ITS YOUR SPIRIT TOO.#and MAYBE im being fatalistic about this but sue me! fucking sue me. i dont care. im so pissed off im going to lose it.#im not saying we're doomed im just saying that too many people seem too comfortable with the future generative AI really proposes.#and maybe you shouldnt be using it as a fucking art school student or professor. but what the hell do i know.#sending a campus wide message thats just the RISE. RISE. RISE. WHERE IS YOUR RAGE. RISE. RISE. image#and an article about generative AI business strategies#raspberry rambles#got 2 write essay now :(
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Man the way discourse on here is almost the exact same as it was a decade ago with us making the same observations and coming to the same conclusions got me thinking maybe we've done enough discussion....................
#i had a whole giant rant in the tags but tumblr fucking logged me out#anyway#basically we are gonna talk ourselves to death about every political issue it seems like#and most if not all the hot takes on here are lukewarm at best or just an echochamber for someone to feel important on their page#on one hand obviously u arent gonna organize online for fear of getting caught#but how many times are we gonna teach people what imperialism is and how fucked this country is to anyone who isnt rich#how much awareness are we gonna raise bc i feel like a lot of ppl are aware they just dont know what to do/dont care#I urge anyone to start doing shit locally in terms of mutual aid and joining local groups bc at least u can actually build a community#it just takes effort#like niggas want revolution when half of yall cant organize and a lot of yall just be straight up antiblack asf#and on top of that a lot of dont know what we talking about so#what now
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When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings
#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem#in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together#and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier#WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH#i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd#and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i#waves my hands around manically#for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins#in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone#and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control#one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings#that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded#and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all#like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need#to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level#AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING#anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have#and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh#yapping
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being the failchild of refugees/immigrants is like. so disheartening lol the shit my parents went thru and i am just in this first world nation like T-T boohoo i have depression and anxiety i cant do anything waaaah like. grow up. Fuck
#i genuinely feel so pathetic#i have no idea how to explain these things to anyone in my community#they are just kind of like. genuinely sorry for me but dont understand why i cant pick myself up#**in my immigrant community.
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#mod posts#idk dude i am so conflicted abt this ‘barnaby is overrated’ shit#on one hand im like… wow another person who feels he’s overrated. daring today are we?#on the other im like… i understand what its like when the character you like isnt the popular one in the community#like i normally tend to hyperfixate on the side characters so i absolutely know how frustrating it is#i also know from personal experience that a lot of it can just be hating it solely BECAUSE its popular#when i was like 14 and undertale came out i hated it just bc it was popular. and then i played it myself and yknow what? i enjoyed it#like… its okay not to like something!! everyone has unique tastes#and i also understand the concern abt barnaby being treated like snatcher (i know NOTHING abt snatcher so dont. quote me on that)#like theres a chance the ‘fanon’ version of barnaby will be given precedence over ‘canon’#the same shit happened with sans. remember all those sans/reader fics where sans was this edgy mysterious guy?#yet in fanon hes just a funni little skeleton who likes bad jokes?#yet in *canon jesus christ i cant spell today#but like. can we just let people enjoy things if they arent hurting anyone?#like i get it its annoying sometimes. like i had to mute the oc tag bc i was tired of seeing RP stuff#but im not like. going into their inboxes and telling them theyre bad ppl for enjoying a popular character yknow?#sorry this is making like. no sense. and im sorry to put it in tags but i do NOT want this spreading#anyways. those are my thoughts for today.
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