#i cant calm down i might literally die

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

matilda - m. murdock

a/n: hey guys i have back pain and i have daddy issues so i wanted to write a quick blurb about it. so. sorry if you guys cant particularly relate to this one it's for me <3 warnings: ANGST, reader cries a lot, probably cursing, lots of daddy issues, lots of being upset, mentions of fathers being drunk, matt picks up the reader but matt in my brain can lift like 250+ so, uhhhh i don't know guys just angst and daddy issues ! word count: 1.2k summary: you have daddy issues and back pain. matt does his best to help. pairing: matt murdock x gn!reader now playing: matilda - harry styles "i don't believe that time will change your mind/in other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore/as long as you can let them go"

Matt finds you on the floor of the kitchen, your knees hugged against your chest. He is so tired, bruises starting to really hurt after sitting all purple and blue on his ribs and his arms. He’s just in his boxers his hair damp from a shower.

You are just in a pair of boxers and a muscle tee. Your knuckles are white, and you are staring into space in the most literal definition. It’s four a.m. You are a twenty something year old adult, you have not slept in your mother’s bed in years.

And yet, you feel like a child.

And your back is fucking killing you.

Matt sits next to you on the kitchen floor, goosebumps shooting up his skin as his feet and palms feel the cold, rough tile floor. His hand finds your arm and gently rubs his thumb against your skin.

“What’re you doing on the floor, sweetheart?” His voice is low and thick with sleep. He is so tired, that his words aren’t nearly as poetic, sappy or flirtatious as he wants them to be (maybe not all at once, but he most certainly wished they were better than that).

You consider lying to him for a moment. Really, you do. You could tell him that the floor is just more comfortable, that you want him to fuck you right here against the tiles, that you just could not sleep, that there is nothing deeper than a busy brain that cannot calm down.

“My dad called me while you were away.” You tell him, your voice soft. Matt will be able to hear it no matter how loudly or quietly you say it. And at your confession, he tenses. He has a complicated relationship with your father, but his relationship is calm compared to the raging waters that make up how you feel about the man.

“Okay,” he starts, rubbing your arm gently. “And what did he say?”

You blink.

“Nothing. Nothing that should have made me feel like this.” You tell him, a horrible taste in your mouth. From what, you do not know. Matt doesn’t respond right away, waiting for you to tell him more. “He was drunk.” You say quietly.

“Oh.” He knows you don’t drink. He knows you have a very complicated relationship with substances. “I can understand why that might be upsetting..” he tries, and you shake your head, your face twisting into frustration, anger, and perhaps a hint of sadness.

“He’ll never change.” You whisper, too afraid to be any louder, too afraid that maybe from miles and miles away, your father will hear you. That maybe if you say it any louder, it won’t be a secret anymore, and that you’ll start crying if you say it any louder. “He’ll never ever change.” You say, and your head turns to look at him.

And you stare at the man that you love, and you stare and stare, and you think about Jack Murdock who loved his son so much that he was willing to die for him to have a better life, that he was entirely selfless when it came to the person you are lucky enough to call yours.

And you think about how your father wants nothing to do with you. He never did. Not really.

That’s when you start to cry.

It starts with a few tears rolling down your cheeks, salty and fat, as if they hold all of the memories your brain has locked away to protect you. Then, the tears come out faster, and faster, until you are choking on your own breath, racking with sobs. Matt’s arms are around you in an instant.

He pulls you close to him, and you feel bad for getting tears all over his skin. He’ll tell you it’s his fault for wearing just briefs. He pulls you into his lap, and while you cry into his neck, his hand comes down to your back and slips under your shirt, gently rubbing it up and down.

You twitch at the feeling, your back still aching as you sit with him, the pain contributing to your tears. Matt’s lips kiss your forehead, and he just holds you for a long time. Your breathing becomes short with how violently you’re sobbing.

“Hey, easy..” he says softly before he tilts your head up to look at him. “Your breathing isn’t healthy. Come on, watch me,” and he takes deep breathes in and out, expecting you to copy his attempts. When you’re finally at a point where you an breath on your own, Matt begins wiping your tears gently.

“Sorry…” You say quietly. He just shushes you softly and leans in to kiss your cheek.

“You never have to apologize for your emotions.” He promises, “I love you so much. I am so sorry he’s like that,” and now Matt is crying and he’s not sure why, but you feel awful about it, so your shaky hands come up to wipe his tears and he wants to laugh at your attempt at gentleness because he wonders how often you were shown the same kindness and his heart aches at the most realistic answer.

“Honey, you never have to worry about him again. You made it out, he can’t hurt you anymore..” He tells you, and you try to believe him. “You’ll never feel anything except safe and loved, I promise.” He says quietly, before leaning in to kiss you gently. “Is there anything else?” He senses that you are in physical pain too. Partially because he can tell by how your jaw clenches that you are tense, but even without his super senses, he just knows you aren’t feeling well.

He knows you too well.

“My back is killing me.” You confess, and he frowns. “And my head now.” Your head always hurts after crying.

“Okay,” He nods, “Hold tight,” and somehow, your fucking angel of a man picks you up off the floor and carries you to bed. He steps away only to grab you a glass of water and some Advil. You take it quietly, chugging the water before he sits on the bed next to you.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” You whisper, still upset, but so so grateful. He just smiles sadly and leans in to kiss you gently. Then, he pulls away to ask,

“How about I give you a quick back massage and then we get to bed? You must be tired. I know I am.” You sigh and nod, shifting so you’re laying on your stomach.

Matt leans down and kisses your shoulder before whispering, “I meant it you know. You made it out. You’re safe. You’re loved.”

And even without being a human lie detector like him, you can tell he’s telling the truth. It makes you cry more, but Matt stays to wipe the tears away. He’ll always stay. And he’ll always tell you as much when you need the reminder.

You’re safe.

You’re loved.

These words echo in your brain as you drift off to sleep, Matt holding you close, fingers tracing patterns into your skin as you fall into a dreamless sleep, focusing on the warmth that radiates off him.

[baby-prophet]

having the first full blown panic attack in what might be years over this........

whyyyyyyyyy am i having difficulty doing ANYTHING ahhhhhh!!!!~! >:(

[camilaxmartin]

i need to ramble, so-

AGATHA ALL ALONG EPISODE 4 SPOILERS AHEAD

OKAY LET ME START WITH THE FACT HOW AMAZING THIS EPISODE WAS??? I DONT WANT TO SAY IT IS MY FAVOURITE BUT LIKE- IT MIGHT BE.

THE VIBES THE OUTFITS????

okay okay calm down.

RIO CRAWLING OUT OF THE GROUND AND THEN SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT BEING PULLED DOWN OR UP WAS RAAAAH AMAZING I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS. I STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD

THE WHOLE MUSIC BOOT SCENE? GOD. THE WAY RIO CARESSED AGATHA’S THIGH AND HER UNDER STOMACH???? HELP ME LORD

I WAS LITERALLY GOING INSANE STILL AM

OKAY OKAY

THE SCENE WITH THE BALLAD WHEN ALL OF THEM WERE SO INTO SINGING AND EVEN TEEN OH. MY. LORD. I LITERALLY STARTED CRYING AT IT FROM ALL OF THE EMOTIONS CAUSE LORD I FELT IT IN MY VEINS LITERALLY. IT WAS SO POWERFUL I WAS LITERALLY STARING AT THE SCREEN WITH MY MOUTH HANGING OPEN. I LOVED IT. IF I EVER DIE PLAY THIS AND IM GONNA COME BACK TO LIFE I SWEAR.

(i love how alice was so into it at the end and destroyed the curse i LOVE HER)

I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE WAY AGATHA CARES FOR TEEN. I KNOW SHE THINKS ITS NICHOLAS BUT I JUST FIND IT SO SWEET SHES LITERALLY SO RAAAH LIKE???!! I LOVE SOFT AGATHA FOR LIFE SORRY NOT SORRY. THE WAY SHE WAS PUSHING HIM AWAY WHILE THE CURSE WAS FLOATING AROUND THEM??? THE WAY HER VOICE WAS SO SOFT AND UNSTEADY WHEN SHE LITERALLY BEGGED JEN TO DO SOMETHING TO SAVE HIM??? MY GIRL WAS STRESSING AND SO WAS I (i love him more than my life) THE WAY AGATHA SAT AND WAITED WITH HIM ALL THAT TIME FOR HIM TO WAKE UP?? TO MAKE SURE HES OKAY???

IM SO GLAD HES OKAY LIKE I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD DIE BUT I WAS STILL STRESSED AND SCARED FOR HIM.

okay now,

THE HUG???? IT FELT SO PERSONAL SO PURE SO FUCKING SAFE SO SOFT SO VULNERABLE. I LOVE MY SILLY LESBIANS OH GOD. THE ALMOST KISS?? I LOVE HOW RIO DIDNT WANT HER TO KISS HER SO SHE WOULDN’T THINK LIKE EVERYTHING IS OKAY WITH NICHOLAS. LIKE IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT FOR HER TO TELL AGATHA IT IS IN FACT NOT HER SON THAN GETTING TO KISS HER ONCE MORE. MY GIRL RIO IS STILL FUCKING SOFT AND GENUINE AND GOD I AM LIVING FOR IT. (i hope we get a kiss by the end of the series but literally it is enough for me even now) I NEED TO TALK MORE ABOUT THAT HUG CAUSE IT LITERALLY GRIPPED MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST STROKED IT AND PUT IT BACK. GOSH IT WAS AMAZING. THE SOFT GESTURES OF AGATHA’S HANDS ON THE BACK OF RIO’S HEAD???? OH IM FUCKING COOKED.

AND I WAS SO STRESSING ABOUT LILIA TOO LIKE I LOVE HER SO MUCH I HOPE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO HER PLEASE I NEED HER TO SURVIVE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. SHES MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT WITCH OKAY. I LOVE HER.

TO SUM UP I WAS LITERALLY GRIPPING MY SKIN FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE AND BESIDE THE PREVIOUS ONE I CANT REMEMBER A TIME THAT A SERIES OR A MOVIE DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME (the previous one did it a bit less intensely) I AM LIVING FOR THIS SERIES AND I HOPE ITS GONNA HAVE AN ENDING THAT WONT DESTROY ME EMOTIONALLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. WHICH MOST LIKELY WONT HAPPEN CAUSE WE KNOW HOW IT IS WITH MARVEL. 10/10 OBVIOUSLY I WAS STRESSING SWEATING SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP. STILL AM.

(i might add something later when i’m gonna need to ramble more/again)

[mimiii-3]

Twst boys react to an insecure reader Pt. 2

Note/warning: gn reader, angst + comfort, fluff

Extra note: thanks so much @pinkskytwst for the support on part 1. He’s part two. I hope you like it :3

. . .

Riddle

You: I don’t know if I should sit on your lap. I think I’m too heavy for you.

• uh oh

• this is probably the worst possible thing you could say to him

• he feels both angry and sick

• first of all, he is not too weak to hold you on his lap

• second of all, too heavy?

• the implications of that are too much for him to handle

• his face starts to grow red and he can feel his temperature skyrocketing

• wants to scold you but he’s worried that in this state, he’ll just escalate things

• please try and calm him down

• after you manage to get through to him, he pouts and un-balls his fists

“You are perfect just the way you are. Now you have two choices: willingly sit in my lap or get pulled onto it.”

Jack

You: I wish I could wear crop tops but my body hair won’t let me.

• you say to the man who literally has ears and and a tail

• fact: the savanaclaw dudes are hairy (ooh might have to write about this…)

• gives you the ‘are you serious right now’ look

• he is ready and willing to die for you and this is what you’re worried about?

• shakes his head and pulls you in for a hug

• kisses the top of your head and let’s his hands slip under your shirt

• he’s gently rubbing your skin and humming into your hair

• he pulls your shirt up half way before folding it like a mock crop top

• you nervously shift your weight, worried what he might think

• he nods approvingly before turning you towards the mirror so you can see yourself

“See. I told you it’d be fine. You’ll look cute in that little outfit of yours. I’ll turn around now. Put on the crop top so we can officially start our date. If anyone says anything about it, I’ll take care of em.”

Cater

You: Cater stop tickling me! I don’t want you to hear my laugh.

• Cater loves hearing you laugh

• he will do ANYTHING to hear it

• your laughter improves his quality of life

• so when you say this he’s just 🧍‍♂️

• dead x3

• so that’s why he has to work so hard to make you laugh

• why don’t you like it?

• your laughter is literally music to his ears

• pretends to be thinking hard about something before he all of a sudden lunges at you

• tickles you mercilessly

“You better laugh! Otherwise I’ll tickle you till my fingers fall off!”

Floyd

You: I’m thinking of getting a pair of headphones to cover my ears. I feel like people are always staring at them.

• shrimpy doesn’t like their ears? Well that’s stupid

• Floyd approaches you from behind and wraps his arms around your shoulders

• the weight of his arms serve to relax you, like a weighted blanket

• he begins to kiss the back of your neck

• little pecks that you can’t help but shiver at

• he moves his ministrations toward your right ear

• starts to gently nibble on your earlobe

• he cant help but laugh at your squirming

• his breathy laugh tickles your ear

• he then settles his chin on your shoulder, melting into your warmth

“This school is swarming with jerks. Ignore em. You got pretty ears. Pretty enough I can’t help but wanna bite em all the time.”

Trey

You: Sorry Trey, it’s not like I don’t want to hold your hand….it’s just my hands aren’t really in a good hand-holding condition. They’re just so dry and icky.

• he sighs in disappointment

• the battle to get you to love your hands has been a long one

• thankfully, Trey has the patience of a saint

• he picks up both of your hands in his

• rubs them with his thumbs before bringing them up to his lips

• his kisses are so loving, so gentle

• you can’t help but swoon at the loving gesture

• he kisses all of the spots on your hands he knows you don’t like

• the dry patches, the cracked skin, the blemishes

• everything gets a sweet peck that makes your legs feel like jelly

“How about a hand spa day? After, you can try my new recipe while we cuddle and watch tv.”

. . .

Extra: Riddle when you said you were too heavy to sit on his lap:

[ask-globe]

Sorry im sending this to the globe box but

Also i only did 3 characters so far bc theyre the most popular ones and i cant refuse that

Okay so

Globe is used like a map, i havent decided who she travels with but shes forced to travel because the zombies are fast spreading and since shes a literal globe her group uses her as a map, if she has to defend herself she uses a pipe. Also she had to break off the handle because a zombie grabbed her by there once and she almost got bit, her heads really unsteady n spinny now but atleast shes not dead right?

Globe n quill usually stay at their library probably with the employees, theyve barricaded it and turned it into a hideout. Quill is the fighter/defender while Scroll tried to be the healer (even though hes not the best at it) scroll also carries around a green backpack (its green because liam hfjone references are funny) there are stuff like water and food in it but most their resources are in the library/hideout. They trade with other survivors regularly to avoid having to go out to gather (since its highly dangerous) they trade their books for any kind of edible food and clean water. They fear that one day a group of survivors might raid the place killing them and taking all their inventory

its okay to send it here :3 GLOBE IS BASICALLY TORTURED NO... BUT YES. KILL HER!!! /SILLY

erm i think you mean scroll and quill 🤓 /silly /nm

i love this tahnky ou.... quill probably says hes fine but then hes heavily bleeding out if his head and half dead

"QUILL YOUR ABOUT TO DIE"

"haha lol wdym"

"YOUR BLEEDING OUT OF YOUR HEAD YOUR GOING TO DIE"

"i feel fine idk what you mean scroll"

"QUILL. QUILL LISTEN TO ME. YOUR GOING TO DIE IF WE DONT BANDAGE YOU UP"

"im fine, calm down hun. kiss?"

"NOWS NOT THE TIME FOR A KISS YOUR ABOUT TO DIE"

"aw.."

also what if pot and box are apart of the travelling group with globe..

[quirkle2]

THAT GORE IS SOOOO GOOD!! PEAK WRITING IF YOU ASK ME TBH (i love feral zombie mobu, he has my heart) will you be publishing your zombie au oneshots on ao3 or just here on tumblr?

also one last question (or not. >:D), how was zombie mob's dynamic/relationship with tome tho? i assume in this au that they didn't know each other before mob got turned? did they form some sort of relationship in a way that he eventually start to recognize her? or did mob stayed seeing her only as a stranger :o

- 🪻 (i think i'm just gonna go by this emoji from now :3)

WAHHHH TY SM,,,

ill prolly just stuck to tumblr for the one shots! i usually like to stick to longer stuff for ao3, so tumblr it is

and yes, mob Does grow to recognize tome as a friend instead of a stranger! it's a bit of a weird dynamic at first, bc when tome meets ritsu, the boys r separated. ritsu is adamant that zombie mob isnt violent, but tome begs to differ...

when tome led mob away from ritsu so she could get him back to the settlement, she ended up tying him to a random utility pole w rope from ritsu's bag she totally rifled through. in any other circumstance she'd prolly just let the patrol guards kill him, but mob is the one that got her attention and Led her to a sick ritsu, and she finds that they're traveling together.. (their labeled water bottles in ritsu's bag is the biggest sign; saliva can infect u so ritsu has to be careful abt not drinking after mob) this zombie is Behaving Strangely and tome is too curious abt this wack ass setup they've got goin to just,, let this zombie die or wander off. the only method she has of keeping him in one place is to tie him somewhere :/

zombie mob doesnt seem to rly care at first, he's just worried abt ritsu, but then when tome doesnt come back for a bit ??? the next morning when she returns (with food and water for him !) he is vicious toward her. he cant do anything tied up like he is, but he's constantly snapping his teeth at her, hissing and spitting and snarling, and trying to wiggle free

all that mob knows if that he tried to get help from this girl, ritsu is gone now, and he's tied to a pole. that pisses him off and all his addled brain can rly process is that ritsu is In Danger somewhere he cant get to. and in tome's perspective, this strange kid she saved has been traveling with a fucking demon, but somehow isnt infected.they checked. he's miraculously not

when ritsu is well enough to hold a convo, tome tells him she has his zombie friend safe somewhere, bc even in his delirium ritsu was mumbling abt his brother (tome voice ah! they're brothers... inchresting i see the resemblance if i remove the horrid eyebags from mob's face). ritsu says mob is an extremely docile zombie by default. tome says he's literally one of the most vicious ones she's ever seen. neither of them believe each other and ritsu is convinced she has the wrong zombie and that mob is still out there somewhere, wandering the settlement grounds just Asking for a patrol to kill him

when ritsu is better, she sneaks him outta the settlement to see his brother. as soon as tome comes around the corner of mob's sad little Utility Pole home he gets riled up and starts snarling, but when another figure follows behind her, he Instantly settles. he sees ritsu's face, still a bit pale but otherwise alive, and every alarm bell in mob's head is cleared and he relaxes like a switch in him was flipped

ritsu saw that viciousness for a split second tho, and is Shocked by it. nevertheless ritsu is so relieved he's okay, so he basically rushes at mob and envelopes him in a Hug and tome watches this, kinda stunned. the way his brother instantly settles in the hold ?? maybe ritsu Was right, in his eyes... maybe being around ritsu just calms mob down, so ritsu's only seen his tame side

tome joins the gang after that (her joining might seem strange, given she hasnt much of a motive, but trust me, for tome, getting to study this enigma of a dynamic is basically her dream. also she has a backstory that motivates her more but im not getting into that now). and it's very odd how mob seems to,,, be largely ok w her now ?

she thought it'd be difficult, given his obvious hatred of her after their first meeting, but it seems that her eventually bringing back ritsu erased most of the distrust there. he's typically pretty cool w her around; the only times he gets testy is when she shoves ritsu around when they're bullying each other. after all this time of walking w a gentle ritsu alone, mob doesnt rly know the difference between fun roughhousing and actually hurting each other, so he typically growls at her lowly until she stops

later on in the journey, he shows genuine trust in tome, particularly after moments where she saves him or ritsu from getting shot. and way later on, when tome is in trouble, mob even attacks another zombie to keep them away from her

eventually he sees her as part of the gang, and tome sees him as less of a Vicious Monster and more of what he actually is; somebody's brother that is sick, and is one of the only zombies in existence that is actually being taken care of and accommodated for

[quodekash]

HOLY FRICK THE EPISODE CAME OUT 17 AND A HALF HOURS AGO BUT I COULDNT WATCH IT BC I WAS CAMPING WITH NEXT TO NO SERVICE

BUT IM HOME NOW SO ITS TIME TO DIE AND EXPLODE AND EXPLODE AGAIN AND THEN DIE AGAIN AND SCREAM A LOT

...why do I feel like she doesnt actually like him but she just thinks she likes him

I mean its entirely possible she does

but im just putting it out there that she might not

AHA

SHE SAYS SHE JUST WANTS TO STUDY AT THE SAME UNI AS HIM

NOT THAT SHE LIKES HIM OR WANTS TO BE WITH HIM IN A ROMANTIC SENSE

BADABING BADABOOM KANG IS JUST DRAMATIC AND THINKS THAT MEANS SHE LIKES HIM

maybe

again, its very possible she does actually like sailom

oh honeyyyyy

my boy :(((

he sad :(((((((((

OML IM LAUGHING SO HARD

HIS JUMPER SAYS 'BOY'

HE IS INDEED ONE OF THOSE

WHY AM I FINDING THIS SO FUNNY

I DONT THINK ANYONE ELSE LAUGHED AT THIS BUT HERE I AM LOSING MY MIND

nO

HEY

WHY

DUDE WE NEED THIS PLOT TO PROGRESS YOU CANT JUST QUIT

DO YOU REMEMBER HOW MUCH PINING YOU GUYS HAD WHEN YOU HAD TO FIRE HIM FOR LIKE FIVE DAYS?????? YOU GUYS WERE FRIKIN HOPELESS

YOU COULDVE TALKED TO ECAH OTHER AND YOU DIDNT

AND NOW YOU THINK YOU CAN SURVIVE JUST QUITTING???? NUH UH, NOT ON MY WATCH SON

...oh

well now im sad

WELL NOW IM S A D D E R

OH HONEY

MY BOY NEEDS VALIDATION

IM GONNA CRY

AWWWWHHHHHHHHH

lmaoooo the super slow dramatic shots as he questions everything

she's just a lesbian kang, calm down bro

IM SORRY, I CANT GET OVER HIS BOY SHIRT

GUYS THEYRE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER

I THINK THEY MIGHTVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO INTERACT OUTSIDE OF TUTORING????

OML LOOK AT HOW PIMFAH'S SITTING

SHES SO GAY

and valid. I would sit that attentively if it were me as well, june is too too pretty hOW IS SHE SO PRETTY

bro was just offered a footy position by a senior, and he's thinking about sailom. gay as all hell

AAAAAAA

GUYNAWA TIME OMGOMGOMGOMG

IM SO EXCITEDDDDDDD

HEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE YES NAWA’S GONNA REPLACE HIM AN THEN GUYNAVA ARE GONNA PLAY ON THE SAME TEAMMMMMMM

also lmao he's good at catching balls

that sentence will definitely send both of them into insane amounts of gay panic

THIS IS SO SOUNDWIN OF THEM AND I CANT EXPLAIN IT, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

HOLY FRICK WE'RE NEARLY HALFWAY THROUGH THE SERIES AND WE'RE GETTING A DECENT AMOUNT OF PROGRESS FOR THESE TWO, IM SO EXCITED

HELP I CANT TELL IF SHES KIDDING OR NOT SOMEONE HELP ME

DOES SHE LIKE HIM??? DOES SHE NOT LIKE HIM???? DOES SHE JUST ADMIRE HIM PLATONICALLY?????? H E L P

also: she better be about to make a joke about like "oh well, im heartbroken now. i thought you could spend time with me, but it turns out your heart is only for kanghan, as i expected" and we can all watch sailom gay panic

oh. she was serious.

dANG IT

OH NO SHES SO SAD

NOW IM SO SAD

FRICK DANG IT

OH NOOOO

HONEYYYYYYY

FRICKKKKKKK

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

oh :(

its a metaphor :(

i usually love metaphors but this one is sad

i didnt expect to get so invested in this sailom/pimfah thing

i think i just love pimfah a lot

shes so important to me

and so is sailom

and so is kanghan

i get unhealthy emotional attachments to fictional characters and also to real people and because of that i cant let anything go and i hoard things and memories and people for fear that i will be left alone

anyway-

bro

the grabbing each other's shirts??? the rain??? the yelling at each other????

this is literally that scene from the pilot trailer

where they yell at each other about hating the other, and then kiss

(i think about that scene probably more than is strictly necessary)

W H A T

i-

wh-

h- he

he tOLD HIM????

RIGHT OFF THE BAT JUST LIKE THAT????

(yes dr seuss i did- sorry, now is not the time for sanders sides references)

um.

im.

uh

well i think i just died

boy is Shook™️

i mean valid

but his expression is so funny to me and im laughing again

his older brother senses are tingling

they👏were👏paired👏together👏randomly👏therefore👏they👏are👏soulmates👏

i love them so much

HE WAS THE FIRST ONE TO HIS SIDE I CANT

IM FINE IM FINE IM FINE

✨i ran out of images✨

[itsdappleagain]

i know csweekly is on hold now, but I still have to catch up on The Luchadora Tango Caper, so here it is!!

Season 3 is maybe my least favorite season out of any of them, but I still love it, so I'm really excited to get into this!

Notes under the cut as always and please ignore the fact that I'm a month late on this thx

NEW CASTLE!!! NEW CASTLE YAYYY

sometimes I think this whole series is Maelstrom just talking about shit for like 14 hours

cleo sympathizing with guys in skirts <3 she knows ur struggle boys

love how they slapped up a giant glowing green world map and copper sulfate burning chandeliers before they put in insulation or heat

brunt, girl, calm down. they were just doing their evil minion bagpipe job

british on british violence

that was such a cute nod when this season first dropped. haha theres been no sign of her all summer because of the hiatus you are so clever

they rlly thought they had something with the turn them against each other thing. i cant believe they thought they tvy7 rating would let shadowsan and carmen kill each other 🙄

"carmen is DEAD" (cheery tango music)

i mean it works because we know hes wrong and stupid but like

no offense but the tango dancers are animated in a way that is reminiscent of a kid manually moving their barbie dolls legs to make them walk

our girl <3

tell me why dropping 200 feet onto the top of the metal detector was more sneaky than literally anything else she could have done

ok. yes. but the fact she is robbing it does not negate the fact that she will be on the news for breaking into a bank dsjfsdghfkdsa

1021 is the number on the box- could it mean something? in a strictly doylist sense. october 21st doesn't seem to have any significant holidays...I can't find anything, might just be a random number set.

good god the "i...have his eyes." hits me like a truck every time

gina pulled it out with the voice acting in this one

she WAS a very cute baby

"another" link girl what else has there been you should be ecstatic

ayyy its the character literally everyone except spintrap-stan and amaryllis solely remember for being voiced by dante basco

i love how snarky carmen immediately gets. if he knows her name and what she looks like, obviously he's an operative, so she gets to have a little fun in immediately declining him while still gaining valuable information, almost immediately, about who he is and what his talent will be

everyone is very stretched today

this is not my favorite fight scene honestly (at least until flytrap gets here. dont even get me started on her fighting style im in love with it) because its literally just like ooh. he kicks. she dodges. wow. they really do try with the tango parallels but idk

wow!! other people can kick too??? who knew

she protected the face

cutely runs into oncoming traffic

those cars were not even slowing down girl they were just like HONK MOVE OR DIE

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FLYTRAP MY GIRL

okay mini rant incoming i already did a post on this like a billion years ago but flytrap is one of my favorites because in my opinion she and paper star are the most dangerous villains we ever see in the show. let me. try to find that post actually

yeah here it is

flytrap is also so hot and has the same va as luz so she's just top tier. idk if the team put half the episode budget into celebrity voice actors and thats why we only got 5 episodes but you know what

love how carmen is literally stopping her attempts to get free to banter. girl. stop

shadowsan <3

love how they do not even bother showing the fight they just get their asses handed to them

why didnt they start in veracruz just asking

not the table

ok guys. you can stop with the tango thing now. its okay

that little conversation between ivy and shadowsan is so good

comrades??? sir its not the cold war

article from 17 years ago, thank you for that easy to understand slang

carmen plot armored her way out of getting her skull smashed in on that train so hard that she made maelstrom stupid

its canon both in and outside of the show that color theory is so prevalent that any sort of red at all immediately signals carmen

the colors are so beautiful in this scene. carmen doesnt have her coat or jacket on, everythings just a little desaturated as she searches

THE ACME GANG <3333

not the finger guns and glasses wheeze hes such a loser i love him

THE FORESHADOWING TO EGYPT WITH THE PYRAMIDS ON HER LAPTOP!!!!

love how all we get of julia this season is her being pissed off and then leaving

he was such an asshole for closing her laptop why did he do that 😭

has carmen just been ignoring vile missions for the last season of the year to research her mom or

girlie is so sad about everything

ah yes, the door, the thing you wish to have opened, the best place to lean your full body against after you knock,

i'M SOrry. did you NOT attend a school for THIEVES

HSDGGDG HEY. just broke into your house. im your long lost daughter

i love how she goes DONT TOUCH ANYTHING and then immediately drags her whole arm across the wall and cabinet

also her face when she sees the masks is perfect

okay be honest how many of you have replayed carmen saying maybe mommy at least once. who. raise your hands

shes sooo buff

love how everyone is taking this so seriously and then carmen is just completely apathetic about anything thats going on

dont deadname lupe, carmen

her hair catching a gust of indoor wind for the sole purpose of making her look sick as hell in her intro card is so iconic

as ivy absolutely obliterating zack in the foreground is so fucking funny

she got that "EH EH EH." titter of "HEY NO. DONT YOU DO THAT" down scary well

devineaux strutting im sobbing. julia was doing SO well and then she got paired with devineaux AGAIN

that cab driver looks so concerned about the hulking texan in his backseat

remember when the trailer dropped and we thought those roses were for julia. good times

everyone narrowly avoiding each other as they pull in

you just know ivy smacked zack when he protested to decoy time hdsafhadsg

gotta say the "EH?" while getsuring to the trophies is fucking hilarious. obviously julia knows she wouldnt go after those but its so funny

i do love the way carmen just shrinks any time brunt appears. she is soooo traumatized

VAMOOSE EL MASKO SHES SO ACCURATREIUSDHKFSKHFD SHES EXACTLY WHAT MIDDLE AGED AMERICAN SOUTHERNERS SOUND LIKE

LUPE IS SO FUCKING COOL

devineaux showcasing his braincells for a spilt second this episode

ah, so begins the not a good time mantra

devineaux getting absolutely decimated because he thinks coach brunt thinks hes handsome is so funny

the referee watching two apparent civilians enter the ring: 🙂

carmen is so funny here. she uncuffs herself and then just leaves devineaux to die like fuck his ass he can get smooshed

carmen getting increasingly mad at devineaux while she drags him places is my favorite part of the episode

also, either carmen got stronger or devineaux had a few bouts of crazed research where he didnt eat, but she can drag him easily now as opposed to when she was struggling back at the trap in poitiers

they put this shot in the trailer and without context it just looked like carmen was standing there glaring at brunt menacingly

the cat burglar <3

worst fucking ref on the planet i love him

was carmen stopping to listen to julia's voice i would like to think so

ah the devineaux and cars gag. i mean, to be fair, it wasnt his fault this time

starts beatboxing

carmen really just dumped her whole life story on lupe thats so funny. girlie started the day preparing for a match, got her house broken into, and then ended the day learning about a global crime syndicate

they really ended s2 going THE NEXT SEASON WILL FOCUS ON CARMENS MOM and then started s3 going well actually um okay so

theres our transition sentence

lupe's yellow and blue palette btw!! cs color theory i love you

lupe is more of a mom than carlotta ever gets to be thats sad honestly

carmens little smile ough

here is a shot that very succinctly illustrates the dynamics in the coming seasons. the three at the table stand strong- always have. roundy is basically a footnote no one cares about him and then brunt...brunt is sort of on the edge. this carries over all the way into s4 when malestrom tries to drown her

oh my god i forgot about the weird halloween thing the faculty has going on this season i love it

my analysis is right in time for spooky season >:) halloween IS nearly upon us!!!

OKAY well my thoughts on the luchadora tango caper...pretty good. honestly its kind of net zero information because we introduce the premise of finding carmens mom and then immediately abandon it but it sets up um....well....it sets up....what does it set up

anyway- not my favorite episode, even though lupe is fucking awesome. i think it suffers a little from deviating from that classic caper structure and jumping around, but it does its job as an introductory episode.

until we return, sayonara, mon amigos!

[jetiisyandereclones]

out of curiosity, what do you think would happen, or be the reaction of clones, if a jedi successfully committed suicide? I know that this is a rather dark topic, but at some point I think that some of the (more force oriented) jedi would just snap, and lose the will to live. Now I imagine that this might be a bit difficult to pull off, since all the clones are such hover mothers, so I also have to ask, how would the surrounding parties be punished? Not only for the clone themself, but for any involved? This would certainly mean execution for the parties, and death for the clone themself, but how would they interrogate the parties for answers? And what of the jedi or the jedi's body afterwards? Will there be a memorial? Would other clones become disillusioned because they see the suffering the jedi go through? Apologies for this being so wordy, but I was very curious as to the answer of this and all of the fine print, as I haven't seen this explored on your blog yet:)

Never apologize for any questions. No matter how long.

I have literally been so horrible at keeping my blog. I havnt posted any real content in months. I've been busy, burnt out, lifes been crazy as of late.

Its alot.

I wanna say this year may be better, but I dont want to make any promises I cant keep.

Ok, so.

Trigger warning:

Suicide, execution, mourning, torture, death, funerals and all over dark themes.

---------------------------------------------------

- there would absolutely be more force oriented jedi who could not stand to be cut off from their abilities.

Even the slightest blockage causes them discomfort, having a cuff utilized long term that almost completely deprived them of their powers would destroy them.

Being driven mad by having their most precious abilities denied, they would resort to ending their lives.

Like the clones. They were raised with an objective.

Protect the jedi.

Protect the galaxy.

Ensure the future of both.

Gifted with these abilities. What were they, what use would they be. If they couldnt use them? If they couldnt partake in this mission?

No.

Much better to give back to the force, in the Hope's their energy. Their powers would be given, lent even, to another. Hopefully a free person who could put their gifts to use.

They do not fear death. It is just another part of the all over cycle.

The force chose them. The force gifted them with however much of its power it deemed nessesary.

And one day. The force would take it back. And the cycle continues.

It must not be broken.

Their lives. Their energy, their everything, was only ever borrowed. It always was meant to be that they would give it back some day.

And if they had to cut their own lives short in order to free themselves from permanent shackles. As well as ensuring the next generation would be born away from this hell, then so be it.

They would do what must be done.

As for their comrades. Their brothers and sisters, friends and family.

Those who chose not to follow. They would pray, in their final moments, that they would some day see freedom again.

That this crime, this decemation of a culture spanning back thousands of years, would not go unfixed. Or unpunished.

-As for how they would do it?

That would be the tricky part.

The clones just live them so much, are so attentive. Did their families. Their loves, their Vod, really think they wouldnt notice how depressed and just.... vacant they had been?

I would think alot of jedi would throw themselves into the sea. Not the easiest way to go, but as long as they can get topside, it's only a matter of throwing themselves down.

Their clone had taken them up for sum rare sunshine. He thought they had been getting better.

More relaxed. Calm. Accepting.

Not fighting anymore.

And should a clone follow to try and help them, it's likely they would die in the rough swells as well, and that's for the better.

-the most dominant danger after a darling commits suicide, isnt other clones, but himself.

He failed. He failed his love, his family. How could he be allowed to keep going knowing this?!

Hed rather decommission himself.

Other clones would sympathize, taking on the mourning clone.

Bringing him into their homes to mourne under their watchful eye. Usually the elder clones, clones who were in a higher position of command would take care of them.

But the sadness never full goes away.

And should that clone eventually move on, find another darling?

There will be no opportunities, no chances, for that darling to slip through his fingers.

I dont beleive the other clones would become wrathful to the trooper who lost his darling, not really.

He did everything he could to protect them.

- when a jedi commits suicide, if they can recover the body, they burn it, though most jedi throw themselves into kaminos waves because they'd rather forgo their funeral rights than be treated in death by the troopers.

Funerals are often a short, but somber event.

The body is burnt with all the jedis possesions, their ashes scattered to the winds after.

There is no wake.

Not officially. Alot of clones and friends of the jedi will often gather in the main mess.

Uncomfortable lunch benches and tables swapped out for more comfortable chairs and couches.

Comfort food is served, and alcohol is drunk in memory of the fallen.

If the lights of kamino went dim for a week post funeral, no one mentioned it.

Theyed lost a family member.

They need to mourn.

And there are some clones who need to think about what they have been doing to the people they claim to love.

- however. There are certain parties not welcome to mourn.

Clones who knowingly endangered another mans darling are easy enough to weed out.

It's one of the few times jedi are allowed to use their abilities with purpose and direction.

Just a little. Just to weed out intentions and lies.

In this scenario, the jedi would also be furious. Actually willingly helping their captors.

Hadnt the clones taken enough?

Did they think it was some sick joke to aid in the death of one of their own?!

Theyed find whoever dis this, and rip the truth out of their minds one memory, one thought at a time if they had to.

They're taken under the city.

Past the clubs, past the halls reserved for adults at night.

They take them deep, deep down under the water. Under the ocean floor.

And they keep them there.

Given much the same treatment as the jedi, except no ones coming to save them. No ones coming to give them time away from their own minds.

Once answers are found, and punishments are dealt (usually a very harsh beating. Getting brought back from the brink, and then beaten again. Rinse and repeat.) They get carted down to these black cells.

Solitary confinement.

No noise, no distractions, no light. Just a pitch black, dead silent cell and a singular food tube that deposits slimy, watery rations all over the floor once a day

Fed too little to survive long term. But just enough so that their starvation will be long.

Long enough for them to go mad.

Long enough for them to scream, to beg for death.

But the clones will not allow it.

He starves.

Slowly.

Drowning in his own piss, shit, mouldy rations and madness.

Once they're dead, the clones topside, who have been watching. Flip a switch and flood the cells with seawater.

Sometimes the clones get impatient.

The first drops are a welcome noise to the imprisoned clone, who laughs madly, clapping and singing with the 'drip, drip, drip'

But as time goes on, he starts to notice.

The drips are getting louder, longer. Closer together.

Water pools at his feet.

It's not draining.

The clones watch as their disgraced kin panics, realizing hes going to drown. Occasionally comming in to let them know how high the water level was.

How much time they may or may not have.

Watching as they squirm and struggle and drown.

The body and all evidence is washed away as the cell soaked in seawater for a week before being drained, leaving not a singular trace of the previous occupant.

It's ready for the next prisoner.

---------------------------------------------------

Okay, so that got a little sad, and a bit dark, but it is actually something I had thought about briefly before.

Hope this reads well, I'm still getting back into writing.

If you have any more requests or asks though, send them through.

My messages are always open too.

[marunalu]

Hi! Can i write you? I am so disappointed in recent 400 chapter. AFO in child form looks nothing like Izuku.

Stain comes to rescue. AFO is losing

I think AFO will lose and DFO is never become true.

Honestly mallas I really dont get why you are dissapointed with this chapter. It was clear afo would turn back into a child at one point and it was also clear that stain would show up to help all might, at least to me. Stain paralyzing afo is exactly what I predicted to happen and its the best chance to find out if he and izuku have the same bloodtype. Because izukus bloodtype is more resistent against stains quirk and so he was able to move again just after a few minutes. So if the same thing happens with child afo here, we can say for sure these two have the same bloodtype. Im not worried at all, pretty much everything happens the way I was sure it would.

And I dont get why you say child afo doesnt look anything like izuku. WE DONT EVEN SEE HIM PROPERLY!

We can only see fluffy hair, a tiny nose and big round eyes - the same things izuku has as well. Hori is literally HIDING what afo looks like here. Also he looks way younger then current izuku, like 10 years maybe. Did you maybe confuse child afo with that other little boy from the leaks? Because if yes, thats not him.

Afo will not lose or die here. The narrative already made clear that afo still needs to do something to "perfect" his vestiges fusion with tomura and he said for that to happen he needs to be where tomura is. Im also still not completly sold if this afo we see here is even the real one and not just a clone. If dr. garaki can create himself a clone who says afo cant?

You really need to calm down a bit mallas. You are just dissapointed, because things dont happen the way you wanted, that doesnt mean they wont become true in some other way.

[toothlespoggers]

”Why are you sad” WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL JOY IS BY HAVING ENOUGH MONEY TO GO DO STUFF THAT IS FUN IN THE MOMENT BUT ULTIMATELY STILL LEAVES YOU EMPTY INSIDE BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO THE WORLD IS BEING FUCKED OVER IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS BY PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE COMMON SENSE AND THERES NO HOPE IN TRYING TODO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSEIT JUST DOESNT WORK. HOW ARE YOU HAPPY WHEN ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE ON THE INTERNET WITHIUT SEEING EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD. THE ONLY WAY TO BE “HAPPY” IS TO BE AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING, HAVE EVERYTHING CONTROLLED AND PERFECT. AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUES. UNTIL YOU DIE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE, WALKING DOWN THE STREET, EATING, SLEEPING. EVERYTHING JUST REMINDS YOU THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS CONSTANTLY SUFFERING FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOURE A CHILD. AND SOMEHOW ADULTS DONT CARE. THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE DEATHS. THEY DONT SEE THE BLOODSTAINS ON EVERYTHING AROUND THEM. THEY SOMEHOW AVOID IT ALL.

WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? BECAUSE BEING SAD. BEING ANYTHING ELSE. IS TOO DIFFICULT. WHAT ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER WHEN SOMEONE ASKS IF YOURE OK? NO. BECAUSE THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING WOULD GO

“hey man, you ight?”

“NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL EVERYTHING IS BAD. THE “GOOD” IS MOSTLY JUST GASLIGHTING, A SUNNY LITTLE PICTURE OF FALSE HOPES AND PROMISES TO CALM YOU DOWN AND KEEP SOCIETY FUNCTIONING BECAUSE IN REALITY EVERYTHING IS BAD, THE BAD COMES SO MUCH AND THE GOOD IS SO SPARSE YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY REMIND YOURSELF OF IT, AND IF EVERYTHINGS OK WOULDNT IT BE EASY TO FIND OUT GOOD NEWS INSTEAD OF DIGGING THROUGH THE INTERNET TO FIND ANYTHING? ISNT IT RIDICULOUS THAT WE ARE LABELLED AS “MENTALLY ILL” FOR HAVING FUCKING COMMON SENSE? WE ALL REALISED AS SOON AS WE GAINED SENTIENCE

“HEY WOW, ACTUALLY THE WORLD IS KINDA HORRIBLE!” AND INSTEAD OF FIXING IT EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE “YEAH BRO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THAT, YOURE CRAZY. THE WORLD ISNT AWFUL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE RICH WHITE NEIGHBOURHOOD, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING IS WRONG! YOU ARE STUPID FOR THINKING THIS.”

LIKE BRO. NO??? ITS NOT OK? I DONT “GET SAD” I AM SAD. THIS ANXIETY DEPRESSION, COCKTAIL NEVER SUBSIDES. IT IS JUST IGNORED. REPEATEDLY. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FORGOT TO SURVIVE.

YOU HAVE TO GRIT YOUR TEETH, WIPE YOUR EYES AND DISSOCIATE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART THAT NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MINDSET OF:

“Well Im alive now, I might as well enjoy it” BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY ALL YOU CAN DO.

I WANT. TO BELIEVE. IN THE POSITIVES.

WE ALL DO.

BUT LOOK AROUND.

IT WOULD LITERALLY TAKE A MIRACLE, NOT A SMALL ONE. A NATIONAL. WORLD WIDE. MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE MIRACLE. TO FIX THINGS.

BUT THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU CANT EVEN TAKE COMFORT IN RELIGION BECAUSE RELIGION IS LIKE “yeah no everythings gonna be like really bad and get worse and worse until everyone dies”

like. SERIOUSLY.

so NO. I am not “ok” and if you are. Congratulations. You’ve achieved a level of ignorance I TRULY wish I could obtain.

you wanna know why NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS?

BECAUSE IF EVERYONE ON EARTH KNEW THIS. EVERYTHING WOULD COLLAPSE.

And I’m not saying you can’t be happy. YOU CAN! I am often happy! I have a lot of good moments. Life is worth living! Until a certain point you can always experience joy. There will always be SOMETHING. Good.

I’m sorry it sucks. I want it to change, I want to be happy. I want to go outside knowing that there’s a future, that there isn’t just misery ahead of me.

but I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t seek therapy. I can’t tell anyone.

because all they do is try and get me to be happy again, different strategies!! Different Methods! Different medication! So much medication :,D but I’m tired of people telling me not to be sad.

Stop trying to fix the individuals with drugs and cheesy advice.

FIX THE WORLD FOR US. THEN THE CHILDREN WONT NEED TO BE HIGH ON PAIN KILLERS TO BE HAPPY.

(I try to keep stuff like this to a minimum on my blog but at this point this is the only way I can safely put my opinion out into the world without being put into a mental hospital or yelled at.)

[lunarescobar]

‼️ IM VENTING FOR MYSELF; READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION ‼️

4:39 AM

I recently have been in a slump. It’s the same slump I’ve gone in and come out of over and over for as long as I can remember. It’s been a comfort, the slump; lonely and depressing, and cozy. It being one of the few if not the only thing I know will be come back even if it ends; the only way of living im used to. Being young, life changes so quickly. A new friend, a small mistake, one choice can change everything so quickly. so it often gives me solace to rot in my bed.

At this point, I’ve been in a slump for a bit over 8 months. I think I might have developed agoraphobia. Going outside, I just don’t do it. Except for the one, maybe two hours I spend with Henry outside. Henry is a autistic four year old I babysit, and frankly he’s one of my closest friends. Having a responsibility to a commitment I want to fulfill is the only thing that gets me out of the house. I say this not only in regards to my job but as a generalization of the only reasoning that will get me outside. Which has been very very few occasions.

People are scary, what else can I say…

People have always scared and overwhelmed me and I’ve always struggled with my social anxiety. But god, I can’t walk a block now without having a panic attack.

The following paragraphs are vents from a couple months ago. From some moments I fell so so low and perhaps what perpetuated a deeper fear of being in public.

2:34 AM

I can’t get out. I’ve spent my entire summer rotting in my bed.. literally. My apartment is infested with bugs and tasks I should’ve completed months ago…

I know when this slump began.. five months ago. Very rarely have I come out of it. Only once, for a short time, i felt safe and happy. Of course I ruined it.

The few times I haven't been a pitiful lump have been mostly manic episodes… I’m undiagnosed but I’m certain if those times don’t qualify as mania then it’d have to be a psychotic break of some kind. So I’m inclined to label those dates as manic episodes.. I've never talked about what happened then… but I've done about a hg of c0ké at this point so wth!

The first time, well the worst of it, I couldn't breathe. I don’t remember much leading up to when I left the house or after… but I remember the feeling. I felt the overwhelming need to get out. I felt I needed to leave I needed to be alone I needed something that I didn't know I needed, something i wouldn't know what it was till I found it. My skin was itchy, my thoughts zig zagged. I hated myself I hated my dad I hated my mom I hated M I hated my brothers. I hated myself even more for hating all the people who love me. I wanted to die and I wanted to feel pain. But most of all I wanted to be alone.

I was at my mothers house with my best friend , M, who I’m always with. M and me never leave each others side if it isn't for sex, school, work, or rare situations in which we cant both be present. And she wouldn't leave in a situation where I was acting unstable; when I was going from sobing to laughing to yelling in a span of 3 minutes. Disoriated, shaking and pupils huge , I tried to run away. M ran after me, worried; rightfully so.. I took my shoes off to run faster and tested my luck as I crossed streets; threatening suicide if she wouldn't leave me alone.

As I recall these events I feel so shameful. Fuck I need a therapist

She managed to corner me and I went crazy. I screamed rape and help as I kicked and pushed her with all my might. She remained calm, God bless her. Worried and clearly shaken but calm enough to calm me down. It took a long time. In the process, in a attempt to make her mad enough to leave me alone, I tried to say things to hurt her with little restrain't. I hurt her for a long time. Once I calmed down we talked and cried and went home…

My feet were cut as well as my legs and I couldn't look M in the eye the next day..

The second peak was worse.

I don’t remember it well either but from what I remember and from what I’ve been told, I regret that one specific night very much. I had been agitated all day. Alone at M and I’s apartment, I spent the day spiraling in my head.

By the time M got home I was sitting on my bed . Clothes and random things thrown on the floor and on the bed, holes in the walls, and a machete in my hand is what she walked in to.

Things escalated

I again wanted to be alone, I wanted the freedom to do with myself as I pleased. I had contacted my x4n plug before M had arrived in an attempt to find some way to calm myself down.

I said more words perfectly worded to offend and break M, this time with no restraint... She yelled back.

I called her dad

He came. Things escalated more. My mom had to come. I was trapped.

I threatened M’s dad with the machete since it was he who guarded the door. I was being unreasonable. I wasn't being me. And i tried but I couldn't physically be myself or control my actions…

It was scary. I said so many things to everyone in the room, about them, about myself…

Fuck

I'm so scared of myself. Most of the women in my family are hospitalized because they’re not safe to the public or to themselves. I don’t think I’ll be much different…

[poltergeist-coffee]

Plate Anon 🤝 Poltergeist-coffe

Screaming at each other

(also, this remember me something, like, what you like to be called? Just your username or something else, I was curious for a while but kept forgetting to ask)

But yeah, qpac and qetoiles need therapy (like everyone else in this island) THEY ARE IMPORTANT BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THEY CAN'T SEE IT

This make that time qetoiles lost to the codes more painful, because think about what could'vecrossed his mind after it, he failed on his duty, he failed everyone who was counting on him, who trusted him. Sometimes I think qetoiles don't see himself as more than the weapon he holds, that he can't fail, but he's more than that, he is a friend, heis a father, he is a person(or would it be a cucumber?) he's not made of metal, he can get hurt

And qpac just thinks that if someone had to go, that would be him, because would the best choice, right? Cellbit is the main investigator, and now there's Bagi who is also great, Mike has a good knowledge on create and Forever, well, he's the president, he has charisma and dedicated, the n.i.n.h.o is a proof of this, and well, Felps is Felps(to this day I can't explain this man, he simply is), they would left an hole if they left(and worse, they did) it would be notified, people would feel it, and from that point of view, qpac thinks he would be less of a loss if he was gone. But that's the thing, they are all important, their family works in this way, every piece matter, pac felt every loss, again and again, and they felt when he was gone, when he hurt himself to save qforever

(This what I love in the favela 6, if you looked at their past a everyone you might as "how can this be a functional family?", but they are regardless of all the odds)

(☝️ plate Anon aways finding a way to talk about favela 6)

Honestly,this what makes both of them interesting characters, qetoiles had a big responsibility on his shoulders he couldn't fail(I still find funny how apparently he was supposed to die way before than he did in his last fight with the codes, that's the french beast to you) and qpac doesn't see his own worth, like, y'know the day Kameto came back? He was calmly fighting the mobs and even stopped to fix his hair(also if you find the stream you mentioned please tell me Wich one is)

And if I remember well etoiles was the first to mention pac was a good fighter, right? Sadly they don't interact as much as before but they have a such interesting dynamic

Also I remember that I heard that etoiles wanted to have a villain arc back in the elections arc, but I think he gave up because he didn't exactly have a reason, Pomme had two lives and he's literally the strongest person there lol

(Also THAT part of the fandom is a *insert some insult here because I can't find any word on English that isn't a swear* and he could receive a lot of hate, thats why I don't use Twitter)

But he would be a terrifying villain

And I've been waiting for a TazerCraft villain arc since they got arrested, like, I think Pac deserves to go a bit wild

(Talking about villains, while the happy pills arc wasn't exactly a qforever villain arc, I'm surprised how people embraced it, especially the first day the eggs disappeared, the chat was saying to explode everything and kill. Forever even called Pac to calm him down(Wich he did but he also was like "explode everything" too, Pac has potential to be part of the voices in the head that almost everyone has lol)

-God of the 🍽️ Anon

You call me my username, any shortened version of my username or Kasper! I don't mind whichever you pick lol

plate anon im shaking you by the shoulders youre so based your analysis is immaculate im eating your words now they're mine you cant have them back NJKASDNVAKJS

YOU'RE SO RIGHT THO AAAAARGH!!! i 100% agree i think q!etoiles struggles with seeing himself as more then anything but a protector or like what weapon he has. like he was so lost right after he died from the code and it took the code stuff back. he sort of like gave up/lost all motivation and it didnt help that the eggs are gone!! like he couldnt protect his daughter or the other eggs and now he's failed all the islanders because he couldn't beat the code?? what is he suppose to do now??

sometimes a family is 6 dysfunctional people with complicated pasts and one (1) egg and that makes them an amazing family <33 EVEN IF THEY'RE AT ODDS WITH ONE ANOTHER THEY WILL SUPPORT EACH OTHER/HELP EACH OTHER GAAH!! THEY'RE ALL IMPORTANT TO THE ISLAND AND TO EACH OTHER!!

crying and screaming i want them to interact and talk agina TT maybe they will tomorrow... because there's an event and ik etoiles will log on but idk if pac will......... it's okay... i'lll make my own content of them while i wait... sobs....

the twitter qsmp fandom is so TT it can be good but also sometimes its so bad TT like aah there is a lot of hate that comes from there at times,,,, if qetoiles decided to become a villian or to genuinely oppose the other islanders he would be unstoppable like hes so strong kajsdnvkas they're lucky he isn't right now...

I THINK QPAC SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO GO CRAZY!! IF HE WANTS TO KILL I SAY LET HIM!! HE DESERVES IT HE'S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH ALREADY!! GO CRAZY GO STUPID I SUPPORT HIM!!

i loved seeing forever's chat the first day when we found out the eggs were gone like kjasndvjkas his chat was like "FUCK THE ISLAND GET RID OF IT ALL!!!!" i was also apart of it... i also sort of wanted him to blow it all up.... sorry my bad... i think qforever deserves to do a little crime.... all the stress of being president was too much let him blow up shit i say... (QPac is such an enabler at times akjnvkajs i love him for that)

[imkazz]

...i came across a post about how the kny characters handled their trauma and... i wondered what it would be like if i put all those into a jar, shook them up, and picked out random trauma responses for different people. like genya losing his memory in response to his family dying & calling sanemi a murderer, or giyuu pretending to be tsutako. iguro living his life out to its fullest after escaping like how uzui did when he escaped, or shinobu only becoming more vengeful and restless to slaughter demons after kanae died, like how sanemi went on a rampage.

LIKE MY BIGGEST IDEA WAS GENYA- HIS BROTHER IS STILL ALIVE BUT BECAUSE MUICHIROU'S SHORT TERM MEMORY IS ALSO DOGSHIT, GENYA ALSO DOESNT REMEMBER SANEMI, CAUSING LOADS OF ANGST BECAUSE TO SANEMI, HIS BROTHER IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE BUT HE CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE GENYA JUST CONSTANTLY FORGETS EVEN IF SANEMI REMINDS HIM, CAUSING HIM TO GIVE UP BECAUSE WHATS THE POINT OF TELLING SOMEONE SOMETHING THEY WONT RETAIN?? (makes sanemi feel like his entire family died that night) AND IN THE SWORDSMITH VILLAGE, WHERE GENYAS ABOUT TO DIE TO THE CLONE?? AND HE HAS A SCENE LIKE MUICHIRO DID, AND REMEMBERS EVERYTHING?!

A LIL SNIPPET OF WHAT I WOULD IMAGINE HAPPENS WHEN GENYA WAKES UP:

Sunlight etched through the glass and formed a sliver of Genya's bed, where another form also lay. Genya slowly sat up, mumbling quietly against his sore body. His stomach dully ached, along with a minor burning sensation in his mouth. His eyes hurt from the light, but squinting, Genya made out the form on the side of his bed.

Sanemi. Oh, Sanemi.

The man looked exhausted. Though his face was calm with sleep, Genya could still make out worry lines faintly on his brother's face, as it tucked deeper into his arms, body contorted into an unnatural position while sitting on the chair but leaning on Genya's bed.

Genya's lip trembled, as he buried his face into his hands.

He wasted so much of his life. How could he have ever forgotten?

Genya felt stirring near his legs, and moved his fingers to the side to see Sanemi's eyes twisted shut, also bothered by the dying sun. With a deep exhale, Sanemi rose from his position, as Genya dropped his hands.

"Oh." Sanemi noticed Genya was awake, and stumbled up. "I'll- go call one of those girls."

How had Sanemi gotten used to that- that shell of his brother? Genya wouldn't have been able to handle if Sanemi had acted like that towards him. Cold and indifferent, physically no memory of all the years they'd survived together, all the hard days at work or their beautiful mother and siblings.

"Nii-chan." Genya whispered.

Sanemi was near the door, before he flinched, body halting instantly. As if time had stopped, Genya's trembling hand outstretched towards his older brother. Sanemi slowly turned, disbelieving if he'd actually heard correctly.

"Genya?" Sanemi tested out.

Genya couldn't take it. He started tearing up, hand clenching in emotion. Sanemi started taking slow steps towards Genya, eyes widened with confusion and terrified hope. Genya tried to stop the tears, facing upwards to keep them from flowing down his cheeks, to no use. Why did they have to suffer so much?

Sanemi wrapped his arms around Genya, which was reciprocated instantly. Genya's muffled cries turned to sobs as he clung to Sanemi, unwilling to let go as Sanemi himself realised that the teenager in front of him knew who he was.

A tear slipped out as well, as Sanemi ran his own hand up and down Genya's back. When was the last time that had happened? His own Breathing became shaky as Genya kept crying, muttering apologies and whatever else that Sanemi couldn't hear over his ringing ears.

actually i might write more of these snippets- it was like 10 minutes and sorta fun BUT SEE THE ANGST?? SANEMI WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM BUT GENYA COULDNT CARE BECAUSE HE COULDNT REMEMBER A REASON TO

i... have an... au idea... but i have to... get ahead... for shinazugawa bros week... but this au... is just wow... such a... good idea... interesting twist to canon...

[maykitz]

small update i have been unable to stop crying ever since i saw the valentines banner trailer

[societysonlooker]

Hnnnnn when fandom is why you were able to talk to your therapist abt all the shit u THOUGHT was normal but apparently AINT