#i cannot emphasise enough how sorry i feel to those who have to watch me slosh around dirty bones

[cable-salamdr]

Cleaning day for me collection of four bones

[septmilleneurones]

#i should mention that this mainly applies to language learners whose goal is to actually converse with native speakers#people who have no intention of speaking the language feel free to rote memorise to your hearts content#but learners who are interested in conversing - youre wasting your time if youre rote learning grammar structures like maths equations 

As someone who speaks my second language well enough to translate it professionally,

you are WAY overreacting and you’re going to scare language learners unnecessarily.

I learned Japanese from textbooks throughout high school and university and only started consuming Japanese media in year five. Looking back now on the kind of stuff I learned to say, it was perfectly intelligible. Yes, I didn’t know how to say much and couldn’t understand much, but that wasn’t because textbooks were bad; it was because I was a noob! Learning by watching media is not a magic ticket that will enable you to avoid the noob phase, so suck it up and let yourself suck until you don’t. Do you give immigrants a hard time for not speaking English like a native speaker? I hope not! 

*That’s not to say that it’s impossible to ever say anything original. When I say you need to hear something before being able to use it correctly yourself, I mean you need to hear sentence structures and words, not necessarily whole sentences like a script. 

I’m sorry, do you think textbooks don’t teach learners how to do that?! We got taught each sentence structure and practiced it with the vocab we had learned up to that point. Please give textbook writers a little credit, bro.

this is how babies learn - they don’t need textbooks 

Babies, at least in homes that are not neglectful or abusive, have adults taking care of all their basic needs for eighteen years or more. Sally who’s learning Japanese doesn’t get to roll up to a Japanese family’s home and scream for food until she learns the words for “rice”, “meat” and “vegetables” through osmosis.

Watch youtube, kids shows, regular tv, news, podcasts, anything you can find. And never use subtitles in your native language! Your brain will turn off the tape recorder automatically if it sees an easier way it can parse the information. 

Ohhhh my Godddd. Please tell me you’re trolling. Please, please, please.

LANGUAGE LEARNERS, DO NOT FEEL DISCOURAGED IF YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!! THIS IS ADVANCED SHIT!!!

When I give the advice [to go hard on consuming input], the biggest counterargument people have is “When I watch it, I can’t understand what they’re saying! So it doesn’t work.” but it’s actually the opposite: you don’t understand it, therefore you need to watch it! 

Poppycock. I didn’t do this beyond a few Jpop albums during university, and I still managed to find my way to the college I was visiting in Japan after I got separated from my group at the station we were departing from. Leave those language learners alone and let them come to media at their own pace; it’s not going to do any harm.

Language learners, I cannot emphasise enough how much you do not have to do this.

This kind of thing will refine your knowledge of the language and enable you to speak it more naturally, but you do not need to do that immediately. It is totally fine to crawl and walk before you run. Babies do, after all.

Humans are like tape recorders.

To all language learners out there drilling grammar structures (and vocab to a lesser extent), I have some bad news. No matter how much you rote learn or memorise, you can’t say something* in a language if you haven’t already heard it said by someone else, many times.

In order for you to say something, you must have recorded it in your brain first.

The reason for this is twofold.

If you haven’t seen or heard something actually used, how are you meant to know how it’s used!? Gonna go out on a limb and say not many people here are able to speak Pirahã. How would you say “I just drank some water” in Pirahã? You don’t know, right? Because you’ve never heard it said! In this respect, a language that you can’t speak at all is no different from a language that you can speak a bit, or even a language you’re fluent in.

Memorising stuff out of a textbook or flash cards is not sufficient to count as “hearing something many times”. It’ll give you some examples, but not enough (especially if what you’re memorising is the grammar structure itself, and not example sentences). Your conscious thought processes (which includes looking things up in long term memory) are simply too slow to be effective if they need to be used more than once every few seconds during conversation. Rote memorisation works at the conscious thought level, and is therefore only useful as a supplemental tool. Hearing something actually spoken (many times) internalises it on the subconscious level, which is what is needed for fluid speech and comprehension.

*That’s not to say that it’s impossible to ever say anything original. When I say you need to hear something before being able to use it correctly yourself, I mean you need to hear sentence structures and words, not necessarily whole sentences like a script.

Our brains are very, very efficient at acquiring language, provided we give them a non-stop stream of data to record (this is how babies learn - they don’t need textbooks). Then, the brain can cut up the tapes, analyse patterns, paste separate tapes together, and allow us to speak in our target language without manually recalling from memory.

What does this mean for you, the language learner? Put down the textbook and watch as much content in your target language as possible. Use the textbook/dictionary to help you look up something you’ve heard if you can’t figure something out from context, but that’s all it should be used for. Watch youtube, kids shows, regular tv, news, podcasts, anything you can find. And never use subtitles in your native language! Your brain will turn off the tape recorder automatically if it sees an easier way it can parse the information.

In this video, Matt (from the youtube channel Matt vs Japan) says the following, which I have translated to English:

こういうアドバイスする時に一番反論として出てくるのが 「でも観てもわからない！」 だから 「できない」 っていうんだけど、わからないからこそ観るべきだよね --- When I give the advice [to go hard on consuming input], the biggest counterargument people have is “When I watch it, I can’t understand what they’re saying! So it doesn’t work.” but it's actually the opposite: you don’t understand it, therefore you need to watch it!

The reason you should watch it is you don't understand it! You can’t understand it until your brain has recorded it!

[inessencedevided]

A very overdue cql/mdzs fic rec list

for @accidental-child ​

I am so sorry this took me so long Axel! The pandemic has really done a number on my time-management skills and things like this often fall behind :/

The fics complied here are the ones i have not recced in the list for @helianthus21 before. You can find that one here, so you can check it out as well :)

The Wei Wuxian makes a wish series by natcat5

My attempt at a summary: this is a madoka magica AU (which i had not watched prior to reading this fic). Cultivators, in this universe, are created when a teenager makes a wish to the creature named Kyubey, which than grants them their wish and the power to fight witches, strange and destructive creatures of despair that lure people into their labyrinths. Wei Wuxian, at the beginning of the story is not a cultivator, but his friends are and so is the mysterious new student at his school, lan wangji, who follows him everywhere and seems to be obsessed with preventing him from making a contract.

My comment: my attempt at a summary does not do this story justice and is really just a setup. Honestly i cannot put into words how much I loved this story. It kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. It made me laugh, it made me cry for entire chapters, it drew me into it's world so much that I freaking dreamed about it! (I'm not kidding, I really did) Honestly, this fic deserves so much more attention than it is currently getting. Not only is the plot expertly crafted, with reveals that shock you and leave you reading, but the author also just gets the characters. The best thing an AU can do, in my opinion, is take familiar characters, put them in unfamiliar situations and then manage to make the way they react believable. And this AU nails that! The conclusion and the choices that Wei wuxian and lan Wangji make in the end felt exactly right. Not to mention, it has a stellar ensemble cast! Everyone is here (except Xichen sadly and I kind of think it is deliberate because without him, Lan Wangji lacks a support system). Again, I cannot recommend this story enough. It is, without doubt, my favourite fic series in this entire fandom. (Caution however: Do read the warnings in the tags and notes and take them seriously. They are there for a very good reason.)

Agapé (home is in your arms) by estel_willow

Author’s summary: Lan Xichen is in isolation. Wei Wuxian visits him. Together they find their way back to happiness, to clarity and to home. 

My comment: This one focuses on both Lan Xichen’s and Wei Wuxian’s issues and lets them resolve them together. I am such a fan of their characterisations in this fic, as well as Lan Wangji’s even though he is not the focus. I love it when non-romantic relationships are the focus of fics and especially when they are central to the character’s resolving their own issues and moving forward in life and that is exactly what happens here.

until you're big enough by lostin_space      

Author’s summary: Lan Zhan is sad and not hungry; Lan Xichen asks Nie Mingjue to help him. 

My comment: This one is a really short and sweet read about how Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue parent the their younger brothers. I just really liked how the author portrayed todler Lan Zhan, as well as these two teenagers doing their best to be the parents that both he and Nie huaisang lack. 

Night Music by Manogahela                

Author’s summary: There is a music that plays in the night at Cloud Recess....but there isn't suppose to be. Lan Xichen investigates the mysterious dizi music that can be heard from the Jingshi at night following the Siege of the Burial mounds.

My comment: I absolutely adored this one, mainly for two reasons: 1. I love an outsider perspective and Lan Xichen’s, at this point and with his limited knowledge is absolutely wonderful. First, he isn’t even sure is what he thinks is happening really is happening and when he is sure, his feelings are, understandably very conflicted. 2. The author’s style compliments this fic so well. Since most of it happens at night and Xichen isn’t entirely sure that he can trust his senses, there is a certain dreamlike quality to it that the author writes beautifully. This fic is part one in a series. Part two is a WIP, but also very much worth the read!

Company by WithBroomBefore                

My summary: In which Wei Wuxian is whipped within an inch of his life by Madam Yu when he is fourteen and comes to stay at the cloud recesses. He and Lan Zhan become friends.

My comment: My summary once again does not do this fic justice. Because it is so much more than just that. It’s such a beautful exploration of friendship and love and bodily autonomy. Wei Wuxian has a lot to work through in this fic, but really, so has Lan Zhan who has the opportunity to make friends at a much more mellow pace than in the novel/show and panics a little less because of it. The war still happens but has much less dire consequences. All in all, this fic left me with a wonderful warm feeling in my chest.

you are safe / loved / worthy / enough by everythingispoetry                

Author’s summary: One of the more timid-looking posts, in pale greens and creams and yellows, says Hello, I'm managing to be fairly high functioning right now but I'm really not doing as well as it may appear, and Lan Zhan feels as if someone sneaked into his mind and read his most secret thoughts, the ones he's never even dared to admit to himself.

(In which Lan Zhan, to his own dismay, finds himself with the help of the most obnoxious, cheerful, cheesy self-care instagram account known to men.)

(And Wei Ying.)

My comment: Listen, I have a complicated relationship with fics that depict mental health struggles in characters. They are all so incredibly valid and I’m glad they exist (every single one of them, no matter if i like them or not) but due to the fact that they tend to come from the author projecting their own issues onto characters (which is NOT a bad thing! that is what fanfic is for!) they are often hit-and-miss when it comes to characterisation. But this story ... it just GETS Lan Wangji. If someone told me a scenario in a modern AU that leads to him developing an anxiety disorder and depression, this is what I would have come up with. Because let’s be real, Lan Wangji is a perfectionist to boot, insanely competitive and needs to live up to his family’s expectations, while also not having much of an emotional support system outside of his brother and uncle. That’s a dangerous cocktail in the modern world and just screams of a burnout waiting to happen. So Lan Wangji, off to university, living alone in a strange city for the frst time, spends all his time in a carefully calculated study routine but slowly realises that the path he set out on was not one he chose because he liked it but simply the one that was laid out for him by his background and family, which then leads to him questioning the reason behind what he does. That reads as incredibly real to me. A good AU, in my opinion, takes the characters and their inherent characteristics and lets them meet new and unique challenges that they never would have encountered in canon, which then leads to new and interesting character developement. And this AU manages that perfectly! (Plus, if you are a university student like me who sometimes suffers from crushing anxiety about the path they chose in life, this is insanely relatable. What? I never said I wasn’t biased :P)

porn (but not actually) and waiting (a lot of it) by hyacinth4maria    

Author’s summary: Lan Xichen sighs as he settles into the couch next to Lan Wangji.

"What are you looking at?"

Lan Wangji, without pausing from typing the names Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in the Love Calculator 3000, says, "Porn."

Lan Xichen chokes.

- Lan Wangji has a crush. Lan Xichen hadn't realized his little brother was growing up.    

My comment: this one was hilarious! Just Lan Xichen being both absolutely exasperated and amused by wangxian’s pre-teen drama. I almost choked laughing at the line that coined the title. The author has these characters down to a T and they used their powers to attack my laugh-musccles :D

the field meets the wood by astronicht     

Author’s summary: Wei Wuxian is a dark shadow in the barley. Wei Wuxian is sorry for the kind of compassion that he is about to hand out.

(in which Lan Wangji is stolen for salt, and Wei Wuxian unravels the world, a little)

My Comment: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO GOOD. Do you ever read a story and just marvel at the author’s mind? This is one of those. The sheer genius of giving Wei Wuxian the ability to pull entire beings into non-being! The absolute galaxy-brain idea to link the canon mythology to modern astrophysics!!! Wei Wuxian creates a motherfucking black hole in this one!!! And it’s SO well written, too! The author does not shy away from Wei Wuxian’s sharp edges and his darker side but goddamn if he is not still loveable anyway. Just GO READ THIS FIC!

Abandon your post by StarsAlignNomore        

Author’s summary: After months as Chief Cultivator and separated from his soulmate, Lan Wangji follows Wei Wuxian out into the world. He searches for him. He finds him. He kisses him. They reunite, they talk, they resolve. Sometimes Bichen lends emotional support. Chenqing bites. Little Apple is there too.

Your typical Post-Canon-Reunion-Fic with much more emphasis on their spiritual weapons than expected.

My comments: This one just left me with a lot of mushy feelings. Also I adore the way the author emphasised the relationship between Lan Wangji and Bichen. And by the end, Wangxian finally figure shit out through actual open communication. Absolutely beautiful!

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 11 - What If This Is All The Love You’ll Ever Get?

Masterlist; Chapter 10

Summary: The brief peace you experience does not last long. And this time the consquences cannot be ignored.

Warnings: Swearing; it gets quite angsty with some mentions of loss, excessive drinking and such... (I’m sorry)

Author’s Notes: Right so... this is post-Kiev, before Mumbai film-wise. It gets intense for which I’m sorry (trust me this wasn’t fun to write). I hope you enjoy nonetheless and please let me know what you think! Feedback makes my days so much better <3

It turned out that if you and Neil were forced to cooperate (long-distantly yet still), it could work out pretty well. Kiev was a success, to put it simply. Yes, the opera house got partially blown up, and TP’s initial operation became a ‘massive fuck-up’ (as Neil put it), but the boss himself made it. You have been assured about that by some remote Tenet connections you did not even know they had. Now it was their time to step into the game. So you waited patiently for Neil’s return while keeping yourself occupied with other random small tasks for the organization. You went back to texting him rather frequently as well, having decided that friends are allowed to have little chats like that. Also, because you could not deny yourself that guilty pleasure…

He came back just as it was planned, four days after your awkward goodbye (which still haunted you at night). It was late in the evening, and you were finishing a report needed for the morning when you heard a knock on the door.

“Hey you” Neil smiled when you opened the door.

You eyed him quickly, noticing the wrinkles on his clothes, ruffled hair, and tired eyes. It became pretty obvious he came to see you straight after coming back. And that idea made you feel… strange.

“Hey” you smiled back and left the ajar for him “When did you come back?” you watched him sit down on the bed and stretch his arms elegantly.

You could not hide the small smile that showed on your face at the sight. He met your gaze with a little grin of his own before answering:

“Just arrived back from the airport. Left stuff in my room, and here I am” he opened his arms to emphasise the point, and you laughed.

“I can see that. Aren’t you tired though?” once again, you warily searched his face.

But apart from being shocked at how beautiful he was, you got nothing concrete.

“I’d rather talk to you than sleep” he shrugged as though it was obvious. You blushed and looked down at your lap before closing the documents. The report would have to wait.

“How was the mission?” you turned back to him and watched, mesmerised, as he rolled up the sleeves and leaned back on his forearms.

Having Neil chill on your bed was certainly not an image you expected to see this evening.

“Well, you were there in spirit, so you probably know” he grinned “But if you want details…” he trailed off to gather his thoughts, “It was surprisingly easy to enter despite the ongoing siege with two different groups fighting inside. Then all I had to do was wait and try not to draw attention to myself”

“Where did you wait in the end?”

You have discussed the different options he had a day before the attack.

“A lovely storage room backstage” his eyes sparked “Would’ve been more fun if you were there with me” he smirked.

So nothing’s changed then.

“Did you find TP with no problems?” your swift change of topic did not go unnoticed.

But this time, he obeyed.

“Once shit started going off, I went back into the concert hall, and there he was. Trying to save all those civilians from being blown to pieces” Neil looked pensive for a moment “But then just as I thought that I would not be needed there, I saw movement near him. Someone has shot an inverted round there” he met your gaze “So I collected the bullet, making sure it went through whoever that was threatening TP and left just as quickly” he took off the shoes and went back to relaxing on your bed.

“He noticed you?”

“Probably yeah. But to him, I was just a handy help in a rather messy situation” he smiled “Enough about that. How have you been?” this time it was his turn to search your face.

You wondered what he found there.

“Alright, I guess” you smile lightly “When I wasn’t busy helping you, I was mostly working on some boring reports”

“Sounds fascinating” he grinned “Anything fun happened while I was away?” now he was lying on his side with head propped on the elbow.

For a second, you thought about the fact that your pillow might smell like him over night.

“Apart from Anna nearly slamming the door in my face yesterday… not really” you frowned at the memory.

“What?!” Neil’s eyes widened in shock.

“Yeah, well… think she just didn’t see me following her through the door, but I almost ended up with a concussion”

“That doesn’t sound like her but, then…” it was Neil’s turn to frown.

“After everything, I wouldn’t be surprised” you murmured and met his gaze with a weary smile.

You probably had to get used to the rush of butterflies you felt every time your eyes met. He stared at you with an inquisitive look. You were acutely aware that you were both probably recollecting the events from a few days ago. To stop the flood of images from making you do something stupid, you got up:

“Do you want a tea?” you busily stared at the kettle.

“Yeah sure” you could hear the self-satisfaction in his voice.

While you got busy with preparing two cups of tea, you could feel his eyes on you. Then a text alert broke the silence that fell. You turned to see him type an answer. For an absolutely unknown reason, you wanted to know who was messaging him. And why. But instead, you had to try not to pour boiling water all over your hand. At which you failed.

“Fuck” you hissed on reflex and hoped he has not noticed.

But nothing seemed to go past those deep blue eyes.

“Are you alright?” he sat up and watched you from across the room.

“Yeah, just clumsy as fuck” once the tea was brewing, you could assess the damage.

Apart from a little sore skin, you should live. When you turned to give Neil his mug, you were faced with a very smug grin.

“Don’t tell me you got jealous over a text from TP” he pushed his phone into your hands.

You stared blankly at the recent texts. The last one was his response to The Protagonist. One before that was to you. And nothing more remarkable after that. You felt very stupid. But thankfully, Neil was done with taunting. At least for the moment.

“It’s okay” he took his phone back and then gently cradled your hurt hand “Swear I won’t mention this again”

“If you will, I’ll shoot you” you glared at him, trying to ignore the waves of shame threatening to spill from your system.

“Now that’s quite dramatic, don’t you think?” he looked up at you and grinned.

Then he kissed your knuckles and released his hold on your hand. You were finally free, and you were not going to waste that.

“I’ll… I’ve got to go the bathroom for a sec… sorry” you bolted to the door with newly found energy.

Just before you locked the door, you heard him say:

“I’ve missed you”

Fuck. You pressed your back against the closed door and took a deep breath. The sting of the burn was nearly gone, but the shame burned just as strongly through your body. Now you understood why Jasper called you pathetic. That was probably the best adjective to describe your behaviour. Slowly, you calmed down the racing heart and opted to take off make-up as a relaxing task. It worked, and soon you also decided to change into some nightclothes. It was late, and it was safe to assume that Neil would leave for the night in the not too far future. Finally, you took long fifteen minutes to coach yourself to go back out into the room. It was a rather difficult task as you had enough humiliation for the day. But at the same time, you wanted to spend as much time as you could with him. 

Was addiction to Neil a thing? Because you might have just diagnosed yourself with it, you mused while exiting the bathroom. Outside, you were faced with a surprising yet adorable sight of the man himself curled up on your bed and snoring. His face was relaxed with no frown lines visible, and the abandoned mug of tea steamed on the bedside table. You noticed that he took your blanket and covered himself with it. You could not stop the smile that showed on your face when you took in the image. However, that also left you with a rather difficult decision… He certainly left enough space for you on the bedside facing the wall. But also, that was a bit risky… was it not? You contemplated taking a spare pillow and nodding off on the floor. But as soon as that thought entered your mind, the pathetic side decided to object. Friends are allowed to share a bed right? You sighed, switched off the lights, and carefully stepped over Neil’s form to lie down. You made sure to leave all the space you could before you turned to the wall and let the tiredness take you. As a parting thought, you realised that his presence next to you felt right somehow.

*** Waking up to the sound of your alarm was a harsh experience. Unconsciously, you reached out to turn off the brutal device and sighed with happiness when you succeeded. Only then, your brain began to catch up with reality. And especially with the fact that there was an arm draped over your stomach, with fingers touching the bare skin where your top rode up. The alarm has woken him too as you felt him hug you closer to his chest. You felt a warm breath on the back of your neck.

“I could get used to waking up like this” you shivered at the way his voice reverberated through your chest.

Before you could react, he pressed a kiss to the nape of your neck and followed it with a trail of pecks down your spine, as far as your shirt allowed. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to level breathing. His fingers softly caressing the strip of skin just above the hemline of your trousers made your brain short-circuit. It was all too much. You had to move, or else you could not be responsible for anything that would happen.

Quickly you turned in the embrace to face him. The closeness made your breath hitch. Neil stared at you with a small smile on his lips. You knew that the innocence was nothing but a façade. You had to distract yourself and him, so you scrambled for anything to say. Glancing down at his shirt collar, you found the words:

“Maybe you should stop falling asleep in suits” you aimed for a neutral tone, but the moment his eyes lit up, you knew it was pointless.

“If you wanted me to undress, all you had to do was ask” he smirked when seeing your mild panic.

Bloody fantastic.

He was still too close. And the way he glanced down at your lips for a split second did not help the situation either.

“Right… I’ve had that alarm set for a reason” you rushed to get up and climb over him.

But naturally, Neil had other ideas. When you leaned over him to push yourself up, he took your hands in his, forcing you to lie partially on top of him. You stared in shock, suddenly overwhelmed by the situation. His blue eyes stared back at you with that unreadable expression you have seen before. You took the time to look at him, his wild bed hair and two-day stubble on the chin.

If you were allowed, you could get used to this…

“Is this one of those moments when I should be the voice of reason?” when you found your voice again, it was weirdly hoarse.

“Maybe…” he grinned and squeezed your hands “How’s your burn?”

Only now you actually remembered about your embarrassing moment from the previous night. At the reminder, you felt your face grow warm. The moment was gone.

“It’s fine” you muttered and moved to get up.

This time he let you go, but you were sure you saw a brief look of disappointment on his face.

“What is your plan for today?” he asked while reaching for yesterday’s tea.

You frowned at that.

“Sure you don’t want a new one?” you gestured towards the mug.

“Nah, don’t want your martyrdom to go wasted” he winked and finished the cold drink.

“You really want to get shot, my dear” you mused while eyeing him sharply.

“My dear?” he sat up and looked at you with one eyebrow arched curiously.

You shrugged, feigning nonchalance. It was so much easier to talk with him like that when you had a little bit of space preserved.

“You don’t have a monopoly on nicknames”

“Of course not” Neil got up and folded the blanket he used “But it’s nice to hear that you consider me ‘yours’ in any way, my dear” he winked and crossed the room “I’ll see you around later” he kissed you on the cheek and was gone before you could process anything.

In the end, you never got to tell him what your plan for the day was.

*** The next three days went in relative peace. You started to build a pleasant routine in the organization, and ever since he was back, you could incorporate time spent with Neil into it. Every morning you would attend a sparring session (with Ives or whoever was handy), then a shooting training to keep yourself in shape. After that, meetings and missions briefings where you would help with the logistical side of the operations. In the evening, you ate dinner with Neil in the dining hall. Undoubtedly that was a highlight of the day for you when you could use the hour and a half window to get to know him better. Apart from that first blunder in your attempts at friendship-like behaviour, it all went rather smoothly. Neil did his best to cooperate. The only times when he was proving to be difficult were the goodbyes during which he made it his goal to make you flustered. The kisses on the cheek became a routine thing. And so did his tendency to gaze into your eyes for extended periods of time. You did not mind either of those things.

The lack of concrete news about the unfolding plan sometimes made you almost forget about it. But you did not dare relax, remembering TPs words about the upcoming events. And so, you waited patiently, preparing in any way you could think of.

The fragile peace got disrupted during one of your evening meals. You were mid-conversation concerning Neil’s past experiences in the Navy when Ives approached your table:

“Evening lovebirds” you grudgingly accepted the nickname he chose for you both.

“What is it?” Neil instantly sensed trouble, judging by the frown that showed on his face.

“TP is calling us to the US. Urgently” Ives looked at you apologetically “Just me and Neil, sorry love”

“That’s okay” you met Neil’s gaze over the table “You two are more crucial to the whole organization than I am” you shrugged.

Neil looked as though he wanted to argue but chose not to. Luckily.

“When do we have to leave?” he asked Ives.

“Ideally in an hour”

“Shit” he took a moment to gather his thoughts “Okay, I’ll meet you in the reception in 45mins”

Ives only nodded and left without a further word. You stared at Neil, who eyed his half-full plate mournfully.

“At least you’ll get some nice food on the plane” you offered upon seeing his internal debate.

“But the company won’t be as good” he looked up and smiled sadly.

“That’s quite harsh on Ives” you joked, trying to ignore the inexplicable sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Neil laughed, but you could tell that he was worried too. Using the only way you knew to assure him, you reached out across the table and squeezed his hand.

“You should pack” you brushed your thumb over his knuckles “I’ll see you when you’re back”.

He entwined his fingers with yours and met your gaze for a moment. You could see that he was hesitant, as though he wanted to say something you would not like. Then he made up his mind because he released his hold over your hand and got up to stand next to you.

“I’ll miss you” he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

Before you could answer, he left the hall. You took a deep breath, aware of the strange feeling creeping into your brain. Hopefully, it is nothing but anxiety, you sighed and went back to eating, acutely aware of the loneliness.

*** The peace you got when Neil and Ives left lasted for about twelve hours. A good night text from Neil calmed your nerves slightly as it meant he made it safely to the HQs. You tried to get an early night, but it did not happen. Instead, you spent three hours staring at the ceiling in the dark, trying to convince your stubborn brain that it worried for nothing. After all, urgent missions happened all the time, right? Well, your logic was desperately trying not to fail while faced with an irrational voice that never seemed to shut up. In the end, you resorted to taking a sleeping pill and hoping to catch at least 5 hours long nap.

That plan was cut short by a sharp ringing at 7 am coming from your phone resting on the bedside table. You looked at the display to see Ives as the caller ID. This could not be good. A sudden shock made you sit up and pick up the phone despite being barely able to open your eyes.

“Yes?” you cleared your throat when you heard your raspy voice.

“Y/N…” you have never heard Ives’ use your first name.

Fuck… The world went black for a millisecond. You felt lightheaded. Something was terribly wrong.

“What’s going on?” panic was creeping into your voice.

“Neil… he found TP in his room…” his voice was breaking “He’s gone” you heard him take in a shaky breath “TP is gone”

Your heart skipped a beat. Your vision blurred as you reached out to touch the wall to feel something steady beneath your fingertips. For a short second, you forgot how to breathe. Then as you started to struggle for the oxygen, you took greedy breaths, hoping to calm down. It was not working.

“Are you there?” Ives’ panicked voice broke through the paralysis.

“How did it happen?” you choked out the question, feeling tears well up in your eyes.

“He…” Ives stifled a sob “He took a cyanide pill”

You could not stop the sobs that came then. Only after you could take in a full breath, you spoke again.

“Why?”

“No one knows. He saw Neil and me when we arrived. Then I went to sleep, and Neil woke me up” you could hear the strain in his voice.

“How’s he?” you feared the answer to the question.

Somehow you knew there was a reason why it was not him calling you. But the explanation for that was too terrifying to be admitted aloud.

“Bad” the grave tone made you panic again.

“Fuck” you inhaled sharply.

“You should come via the next plane. He has to be in Mumbai by the twentieth, and I don’t think we can sort him out without you”

You winced at the serious tone.

“Okay, I’ll try to get there as soon as I can” you bolted up from the bed “Please try to look after him” you hated the pleading tone.

“I’ll try though it’s hard to do when he’s locked himself in his room and isn’t letting anyone in”

Shit. The dizziness returned, and you leaned on the wall for support. To say that you were worried would be an understatement. Everyone knew how much Neil cared about TP. The helplessness was frustrating. You wanted to scream and let it out.

“Just do what you can” you sighed “Stay strong, Ives”

“Don’t hang up yet”

“Why, what’s wrong?” his sudden change of tone made you even more concerned.

“Nothing, it’s just that I think you should know about something… about Neil”

“Yes?”

“He should be the one telling you but fuck that” he sounded hesitant.

“Ives” the agitation won over any other emotion “Please”

“Neil lost someone very important to him nearly two years ago during a mission. It was an accident, but Neil blames himself for what happened as he was leading the attack”

“Okay…” you needed a moment to process the information.

“I just wanted you to know in case it mattered”

“Thank you… What was their name?” that was the only question you could think of.

“Alex. He was an agent and joined Tenet at the same time Neil did. They were together”

The only immediate thought was that you wished you knew before. Maybe then you could have been a better friend. However, Ives’ took your silence as something else.

“Is that okay?” he sounded genuinely worried.

“Of course, I don’t care who he was with. Only that he’s hurting right now” you glanced at the watch “I should start packing. I’ll see you soon, I hope” you hung up.

You tried your hardest not to breakdown while throwing random clothing articles into the bag. You tried calling Neil, but he has not picked up. You just sent him a message:

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to get there soon”.

There was not much else you could do. Apart from trying to preserve sanity.

*** The plane journey to Boston was a blurry memory. You spent the 8 hours trying not to cry publicly and ignoring the temptation to get drunk to numb the pain and worry. Once you landed, the anxiety got worse. With shaking hands, you went through the customs and into the arrivals hall. All the while, you tried not to think too much about the last time you visited the airport and about Neil’s steady hand guiding you. He still has not responded to your text, and that made you think about the worst. You calmed down your anxious stomach just enough to get into the car sent by the HQ and relaxed into the leather seat. Just twenty minutes now.

But before you could reach any mental clarity, your phone buzzed. You took it out of the pocket and nearly dropped it onto the car floor upon seeing the text. It was from TP. You gasped and unlocked the device to read it.

“When this reaches you, you most likely know what happened. I’m sorry, but there was no other way. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t know that you, Neil, and the rest are ready. I trust you, Y/N, and that’s why I have decided to make you responsible for the logistical side of the plan. Once you’re ready, materials are waiting for you in the inbox. Please take care. I know I don’t have to ask you to help Neil but make sure he doesn’t blame himself”

It was clear that he scheduled the messaged to come through after he was gone. And you had a feeling it was only the first one of many. You only had time to wipe the tears from your eyes before the car parked in front of the Tenet building, and you were forced to get out. Once you got through the security booth, you spotted Ives waiting in the reception hall. He had his head bowed, staring at the floor. None of his usual confidence was there. Once you approached, he sensed company and looked up. You were struck by the dark circles underneath his eyes.

“Hey” suddenly you did not know what to say.

“Thank god you’re here” Ives shook off the hesitation and hugged you tightly.

You returned the embrace, feeling tears well up again. You stepped back and sniffed, accepting the offered tissues. Only now you noticed how quiet and empty it was in the building despite the hour.

“How is the situation?” you did not even know how to ask any specific questions.

“Very bad” Ives frowned, and you felt like he was holding back.

“Take me to him, please” you shivered involuntarily.

He did not need more convincing and started leading you through the corridors.

“He hasn’t left the room since midnight when I last saw him” Ives started speaking, “I’m pretty sure he’s drinking” he stopped in front of a regular door in yet another corridor.

“Right… Has he let anyone in?” you strained to hear any potential sounds from within, but there was nothing.

“No” Ives shook his head.

You could tell that he was incredibly tired and worried. You had to be the strong one this time.

“Why do you think I’ll be different?”

You placed one shaky hand on the surface of the door.

“Because it’s you” you could tell he was barely restraining the urge to roll his eyes “You’re probably the only person he cares about”

Despite the gravity of the situation, you felt your face grow warm. You took a deep breath to calm down and raised a fist to rap on the door. At first, there was nothing. The panic kept rising.

“Neil, it’s me” you leaned your head against the door “I’m sorry…” with tears streaming down your cheeks, you tried to find the right words “Please let me in. I just want to see you…” you glanced at Ives who looked almost uncomfortable.

Suddenly you heard faint sounds coming from the room. Rustling, the unmistakable clang of an empty glass bottle hitting the floor and the footsteps stopping just by the door.

“Please go” you mouthed at Ives, who only nodded and rushed down the corridor.

You took a step back and waited, with the heart in your throat. After agonising few seconds, the lock clicked, and the door opened. Nothing prepared you for the sight you saw.

Neil’s hair was sticking out in every direction. His eyes were red-rimmed and paired with dark shadows underneath. He still wore the clothes you saw him in the day before. But probably the worst was how obviously drunk he was, barely able to stay upright by the door. When his unfocused eyes landed on you, he attempted a smile. It ended up looking like a tragic scowl. He opened the door wider for you and went back inside. You took a second to gather your thoughts and followed him, shutting the door behind you.

Once inside, you took the time to scan the room and analyse the situation. Neil sat down on the edge of the bed, which was entirely unmade. The floor was covered in random bits of paper he must have tossed from the table. You counted at least two empty bottles of alcohol lying amidst the mess as well. Taking a deep breath, you faced Neil. He was looking at you, but his eyes lacked their usual spark.

“I’m sorry” he breathed out, and your eyes widened.

“What for?” you were not expecting that.

“They sent you to get me sorted” you did not like the dark look in his eyes “That can’t be an ideal job. Even for you”

“Neil” the stern tone made him focus on your words “I’m not here because they asked me to come. I’m here for you” you took a step closer and knelt to be levelled with him “I was worried” you admitted finally.

“Fuck… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” his slightly slurred rambling made you even more acutely aware of his state.

“No, don’t apologise” you interrupted him; TP’s text message fresh on your mind “None of this is your fault. And my job here is to make sure you understand that” gently, you reached out to brush the hair away from his eyes.

You did not know whether it was what you said or what you did, but at that moment, he seemed to break. Before you could react, he slid down onto the floor and started crying with heart-wrenching sobs. It took you a second to change position and put your arms around him. He leaned into the embrace.

“He’s gone” he choked out after a few seconds of silence.

“I know” you run a hand along his back in a soothing motion “But you don’t have to tell me more. It’s alright, I’m here” you whispered, feeling him shake.

At that, he just started sobbing more violently. You could only sit there, holding him and letting your own tears fall silently. You will be okay someday. You hoped.

[lesetoilesfous]

For @alienturnipp, from the angst prompt list for Nanders, “people who are okay don’t act like this”

@dadrunkwriting

Pairing: Nathaniel Howe/ Anders

Characters: Anders, Nathaniel Howe

Tags: Awakening fun, canon-typical Circle abuse

Rating: Mature

*

Nathaniel is not, habitually, heavy footed. On more than one occasion, the commander’s Antivan lover had suggested he take up a career in dance, ( “so light are your dainty footsteps, mi amigo.”) He’s not sure whether Anders knows this. This is largely because after three incidents in which Nathaniel had caused the mage to fall into something alarmingly akin to a panic attack, Nate has made an effort to be heavy footed around him.

Still, Anders jumps when Nathaniel knocks on the door to his room. The door is open - Nathaniel has never known Anders to close it, and the mage himself is standing in fairly sparse surroundings looking...lost. The expression fades almost as soon as Nathaniel catches it, like a mirage, Instead Anders gives him a smile as bright and thin as cheap paint. 

“Howe! Wasn’t expecting you...here. How do you do that? You always seem to melt out of the blighted shadows.”

Anders laughs, but the sound rings hollow, and his long fingers shake a little even as he brushes them against his robe. Nathaniel frowns. “Are you alright?”

It’s been three weeks since he and the mage were conscripted by the warden commander. More has happened in those three weeks than most of the time Nathaniel spent soldiering in the marches, but Anders still acts as if he’s only just arrived. It’s...disconcerting.

The mage, for his part, smiles again, “Oh yes, don’t worry about me, I’m not going to go all demon on you.” He wiggles his fingers, as if to emphasise his point, and his light brown eyes flicker over Nathaniel’s shoulder, to the empty corridor beyond.

Nathaniel knows that no one is there - he makes it his business to know when he’s being watched - but he turns anyway, and cannot help but feel the pantomime must be painfully obvious as he makes a show of checking to see if anyone is there. In the low, rainy grey light of Amaranthine it’s hard to tell, but when he turns back he thinks he can see Anders flushing.

Anders claps, and seems to startle himself with the volume of the sound (outside, a few of the mabari start barking, and he stiffens almost imperceptibly.) “So! Does the commander need me? Has she finally realised she has no use for me after all? Time for me to get shipped back off to the Circle? Between you and me, I think I’ll put up a fight. For old time’s sake, you know.”

Nathaniel’s frown deepens, and he moves to cross the threshold into Anders’ chamber, but hesitates. Something at the back of his head tells him that he needs to respect the mage’s space, and whether it’s old prejudice or gut instinct, Nate can’t quite force himself to disregard it. Instead he shakes his head, “Why would you think that?”

Anders laughs, and again, it rings hollow. “Oh, well, you know. It’s been a week and I haven’t been forced to risk my life again, so. I figured…”

Nathaniel cannot shake the irritating feeling that he’s missing something. “She cares about you a great deal. You knew each other in the Circle, didn’t you?”

Anders snorts, and it’s graceless enough that Nathaniel believes it’s honest. “As much as you could know anyone there. And she was younger than me. Mages aren’t allowed to mix with apprentices once we’ve passed our Harrowing.” Anders wrinkles his nose. “I suppose they want to stop us getting attached.”

“Why?” Nathaniel asks the question without meaning to and regrets it immediately. He’s certain he will not like the answer.

Anders shrugs, stiff and awkward in his tall frame. “Most of them die.”

Something of Nathaniel’s shock must show on his face, because Anders laughs - for real this time, though a little bitterly. His long hands flicker through the air like restless birds.

“Hate to break it to you Nate, but the Circle has a pretty high death rate.” Anders laughs again, higher pitched and a little manic. “Would you look at that? I’m a poet and I didn’t know it.”

Nathaniel crosses the threshold. He catches Anders hands without thinking, arresting their ceaseless, anxious movement through the empty air. Beneath his hands, Anders’ wrists are too thin. Nathaniel still isn’t entirely convinced the templars who’d caught Anders were feeding him. The mage, for his part, falls into startled silence. Nathaniel watches his pulse racing through the thin skin of his throat as he swallows, and is reminded of nothing so much as a hare.

But then he looks up into Anders’ brown, golden eyes, and sees the fierce thread of rebellion there (“I think I’ll put up a fight. For old time’s sake, you know”), and Nathaniel realises that Anders has never been anything other than a fox: wily and wild and refusing to be tamed. “What is the matter?”

Anders purses his lips. This close, he smells of the embrium and elfroot he carries with him on his belt. Nathaniel is half surprised he isn’t making poultices now. He usually was. He claimed it helped him think, but Nathaniel isn’t entirely sure it’s not just a habit he hasn’t shaken from making potions for the Circle. 

Anders pulls his arms back and Nathaniel lets him, not following as Anders backs up in the direction of one of the thin, hard pallet beds they used in the soldiers’ dormitories. The commander must have dragged it up here specially, though he couldn’t imagine why. Anders follows his gaze and coughs another laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, that. Sorry, couldn’t sleep on goosefeathers. Too damn soft. I mean what’s laying your head down at night if you don’t wake up in pain?”

Nathaniel decides that Anders doesn’t actually want an answer to that, and presses on to the subject that he’s avoiding. “People who are okay don’t act like this.”

Anders flashes him another sharp, crooked grin and again Nathaniel catches the fire of anger in his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Nathaniel clenches his teeth. Delilah had never explained that being kind would take so much blighted work. (He can almost hear the commander in his head, laughing at him for that.) Anders is pacing back and forth in front of his thin, poorly appointed bed, and his hands have started moving again. Nathaniel speaks before Anders’ nervous energy manages to infect him too. 

“You have refused to acquire any material possessions other than that pillow, which you hide most of the time. You are stockpiling food beneath the floorboards,” Nathaniel nods at the one uneven plank which had often been the secret to his own childhood hiding places, “ for reasons I do not understand. You never close your door and yet you seem outright terrified whenever anyone enters a place you consider to be private. If you bathe I haven’t seen it, though I must assume that you do as you have not yet begun to smell. You are avoiding...everyone, but especially the commander, despite her efforts and obvious desire to get to know you better. For some reason you still think that she - or any of us - would turn you in to the Circle without a second thought.”

Anders frowns at that, stopping mid-step to look at him with something that is either curiosity or pain in his eyes. “Wouldn’t you?”

Nathaniel stares at him - and feels, for a moment - his own foolish heart plummet like lead into his stomach. “I - no.” Mouth suddenly dry, Nathaniel wets his lips and tries to speak past the lump in his throat (past the voice in the back of his head, he’s afraid of you, everyone’s afraid of you, just like your father).

Anders’ expression softens, and his shoulders drop. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

Nathaniel blinks, and tries to shake off the feeling of being rooted to the spot. “Of course.”

Anders’ mouth quirks upward at the corner. Outside there’s the gentle patter of the autumn rain against the muddy courtyard, bouncing off the mens’ new armour like a thousand soft, tiny bells. After a moment, Anders sits down, heavily, on the thin mattress, and gestures for Nathaniel to step forward.

Feeling as if he’s suddenly been freed of some strange, invisible spell, Nathaniel does so, almost toppling to sit on the floor in front of Anders as he looks at his hands. Anders breaks the new and sudden quiet, running the fingers of his left hand over the knuckles of his right. “They broke my hands.” The admission is so quiet and so unexpected that Nathaniel is almost unsure he heard it. But then Anders lets out a long, shaking breath and continues. “I was...half drunk with magebane so I didn’t...have you ever felt pain without emotion? It’s so hard to describe. Like shock, I guess. You register that something terrible has happened and that it hurts. But the grief, the anger, the fear. All that comes later. They let it heal naturally. So my hands are crooked now.” Anders splays his fingers in the air between them, and Nathaniel can see now, as he hadn’t before, the way his knuckles do stand a little crooked, the way a nose heals when it breaks. 

Nathaniel’s voice is rough when he speaks. “Why?”

Anders shrugs, and his expression is distant. “I don’t remember exactly. It was whilst I was in solitary. They were always doing…” His features shutter into a mask so impassive that even Nathaniel cannot read it, and he draws in a quick deep breath and exhales again. “It doesn’t matter.” He offers Nathaniel a small smile, and nods at the door. “I keep the door open because I haven’t had a door, ever. When I was a child I was too young and small to have my own room. In the Circle only templars and Senior Enchanters are granted the luxury of such privacy, and I was neither.” Anders nods at the floorboards. “I...One of the first punishments they’d go to was restricting rations.” Anders’ mouth curls into a thin  smile. “I think some of them just wanted to see how long I could go. Caught them making bets on it, once.” Anders shakes his head, as if he’s dislodging the memory from his mind like a cat shaking off water. He spreads his hands wide. “I don’t...know what to do with all this. Everything I’ve ever been told is that I can’t have it. Whatever it is.”

Nathaniel resists the urge to say freedom. He isn’t entirely sure that it’s true. Anders, on the bed, sighs and  slides down from the mattress to the floor, easily framing Nathaniel with his long legs, the tabard of his robe falling heavy and velvet between his legs. Nathaniel averts his eyes. Anders’ laugh is rough and low and warm, and then his (crooked) fingers catch Nathaniel’s head and turn it back to look at him.

“That I understand.” Anders leans forward, until his chest is pressing against his bent knees. He smiles at Nathaniel, sweet and a little shy, and this close Nate can see that his eyelashes are almost as golden as his hair. Anders’ other hand comes up to catch the other side of Nathaniel’s face, and Nate doesn’t resist when Anders draws him closer to brush a kiss against his lips. “Thank you for asking, though.”

For a moment they’re quiet. Far off, from downstairs, there’s the sound of Oghren bellowing and Sigrun cackling, followed by a clattering or armour as one or the other of them gives chase. Anders’ thumb runs over Nathaniel’s cheek, and Nathaniel reaches up to catch his wrist and press his hand closer. He waits until Anders meets his eyes to speak. “I would fight with you.” A shadow of a frown passes over Anders’ brow, and Nathaniel clarifies before he can ask, “ If they tried to take you away. Back to the Circle. I would fight by your side.”

Anders’ mouth twitches into a rueful smile, though the pad of his thumb keeps running softly over Nathaniel’s cheek. “Even against the commander? She’s the Hero of Ferelden, you know.”

Nathaniel shifts closer, letting go of Anders’ wrist to reach up and cup the back of his head, gently, firmly, pulling him closer until their foreheads are touching. “Even her. Against the wardens, the templars, chevaliers and darkspawn, Anders. I will not let them take you. Not whilst I am breathing.”

When Anders breathes out, Nathaniel feels the shudder of it where their bodies are touching. Anders doesn’t look at him when he replies. “Don’t say that. Someone might make you prove it.”

Nathaniel huffs, pulling back to look into Anders’ eyes. “Let them.” He catches one of Anders’ hands and pulls it between them, running his fingers over Anders’ crooked knuckles. “This is not Justice. I’ve met Justice.” He looks up, offering a smile which Anders returns, “He looks like a walking corpse. But, truly.” Nathaniel bends and presses a kiss to Anders’ palm, and watches pink flush through his cheeks like a sunrise. “This is not just. And I will not let them have you. I swear it.”

Anders shakes his head, shutting his eyes as his brow twists with a frown despite the smile on his lips. “I want to believe you.”

Nathaniel holds Anders’ hands tightly between his own, and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Perhaps, one day, you will.”

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

Mermay - Dilliam - Operation Renovation!

While working on Mark and Celine’s house, William has the bright idea to bring Damien inside to help give him a second opinion. It’s another chance for both to learn more about each other, and for William to realise he caught feelings for the cute merman.

Word Count: 2,046

-

William and Mark mutually agreed to stay away from the Rockpool that night, bar Mark briefly hurrying down with dinner. Whatever happened between the siblings would stay between them. William had a hunch that Damien felt isolated from his family - and even his sister he adored - because it seemed difficult to find middle ground, but William kept that to himself. 

As he went to bed that night, William was drawn to the window to look out over the sea. A glimmer of light could be seen at the Rockpool, seeming to only emphasise the distance between the house and the coast, as well as between the twins. If there was a way to help them re-establish a connection, he would.

Opportunity arrived two days later. William had spent the entire of the first day painting the living room to freshen it up, and was unexpectedly left alone to handle the redecoration part on the second. Celine, who was supposed to be there, was called into work urgently. William always preferred having a second opinion on matters like this and was nearly about to abandon his plans for the morning when the breeze hit the chimes just outside the kitchen window. He turned to see the garden and… Of course!

-

"Damien!" William scrambled down the rocky steps, screeching to a halt just beside the water. "Damien, you here?" He could see small bubbles popping on the surface just beside the large rocks. Then, after a few moments, Damien's head slowly rose over the water. His eyes were half-lidded as he peered up at the source of the loud voice.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I didn't think you would be asleep. I can come back-"

"No, it's alright… What's wrong?" Damien pulled himself out of the water to sit on the path. He began stretching to undo the effects of being curled up all night. William couldn't help but stare at how toned the merman was. Damien's body had more bulk to it to help keep warm in colder climates, but it was well defined between the lack of patterns on his body and his current stretches. William had to quickly snap himself out of it before he was caught staring in a daze of awe.

"I'm trying to rearrange the living room space and have been trying to decide where I should… what are you doing?" With his back still to William, Damien interrupted the other's train of thought by lifting his hand and turning the palm up.

"Pass me your phone."

"What?"

"Show me the photos and I'll tell you what I think."

"I never said anything about photos."

"Then I can't be of help."

"Poppycock. You're coming back up with me." William's suggestion had Damien finally turn to face the human. Even with what William could only describe as 'merman bed hair', Damien's accusatory look was sharp.

"I cannot walk, remember? I'm not of the species that can magically shapeshift -" Now it was Damien's turn to trail off as William let out a snort of laughter.

"You know, for someone who is so smart, you're awfully fond of jumping to conclusions and thinking you know what I'm going to say, huh?" William put his hands on his hips as he grinned. "No, no, dry your tail! I'm carrying you up! And no - I know that look from Celine - don't try and argue, I've made up my mind. Unlike Mark, I've spent years in the army. I'm a strong man. Have you even had a chance to see the house yet with your own eyes?"

William’s observation stunned Damien into silence. William was right - why did he keep assuming the worst of William? Was the simmering anger from yesterday influencing this, or was Damien really expecting the worst of humans?

"Only in photos…" He finally answered after a short pause. Damien was bewildered that William was even considering this after how Damien had behaved yesterday. "But you must know my tail is -"

"You won't know until you try. Come on, chop chop!"

Damien sat on the picnic bench, shaking the tip of his tail of extra moisture while William properly examined the merman's body to decide how best to carry it. At a glance, his tail was longer than his torso, and the eye-catching tip was large and potentially awkward if handled wrong. But William’s thoughts briefly strayed as he admired the colours. Damien was rather handsome. Not only that, he had such a wonderful personality (when he wasn’t jumping to conclusions) that William genuinely enjoyed the other’s company. But right now, he needed to focus. The last thing he wanted was to make the merman uncomfortable. Hoisting Damien over his shoulder was rather undignified, so it would need to be bridal style at a higher angle. 

He grunted at his decision. It caught Damien’s attention and he lifted his head in time to see a smirk peeking out under William’s moustache.

"I'm starting to think that is the 'I have an idea' look Mark had warned me about," Damien muttered as the soldier approached. Establishing how best to pick up Damien was a little awkward - "We'll get the hang of it!" William insisted - but they managed it. Damien wrapped both arms around William's neck and held on for dear life with such strength he was sure he’d leave marks on the skin. One of William's hands was at the base of the torso, while the other arm had the tail draped over it. To Damien's amazement, there was no sign of struggle from William once they settled.

"I can carry twice my own body weight," said William with a wink, like he read the merman's mind. With that, they made their way up the steps. William's eyes were on the ground to watch his footing, while Damien needed time to recover from that damned wink.

-

The initial reason for William bringing Damien into the house was ignored as Damien was taken aback by a moment of awe upon seeing the house for the first time. William decided that Damien absolutely needed the 'grand tour'. It was the right choice, as Damien was curious to learn more about the house beyond the photos he had been shown. William was able to point out the various jobs he was required to do while here until, finally, it brought them to the chaos that was the living room. Damien could see why William wanted a second opinion. All the furniture was grouped together in the middle of the room. It was quite a sorry mess of eccentric items that needed to somehow find new homes within the room.

Damien was sprawled across the couch - the end of his tail casually dangling across the far arm of it - as William set to work moving items to and fro as Damien instructed. Neither homeowner being there was a blessing, as William discovered that Damien had a very good eye for object placement and how to make a room look nice. Damien laughed and admitted that it was probably due to the natural merfolk love of beautiful things combined with a human awareness of furniture and ornaments.

The pair chatted throughout the morning as William completed the heavy work (not that Damien minded that he had to watch the human flex his muscles and show off that strength). This was how William learned that merfolk are not as materialistic as humans. A normal human home would be too 'cluttered' for them. There was little need for 'the latest and trendiest goods' in a merfolk's life in the same way as humans needed them, but those that had trinkets or ornaments knew they would never be stolen since they only have sentimental value.

"Is it true that merfolk like jewellery, since those are pretty valuable?" William asked as he showed Damien a mermaid figure before he could put it on the shelf.

"It is. It's purely aesthetic. The value of the materials mean nothing. I once met a young mermaid who had one of those bright, plastic bracelets a human child would wear. She valued it so much that when it went missing, the entire community banded together to search for it. I realised that an item imbued with sentimentality should be the most important value in my life, not how much money is used on it. Though there is a natural draw to gold because it isn't as unpredictable as silver in the water."

"At least the movies get something right. So what about the nesting-whatchamacallit - they aren't 'homes', right?"

"Right. Merfolk communities normally have a shared 'living space' that we call 'nesting grounds'. These are areas that are sheltered, mostly shallow, and open. It's a communal area, so it's ideal to have enough room for everyone to socialise without the danger of being swept away by storms. There are small nooks and crannies that are used for nests, which are a merfolk's personal spot for sleeping. Everyone knows to leave another's nest alone. Messing with the nest or the items near it without permission can land you in a lot of trouble." Damien paused, eyes drifting to one of the seascape photos on the wall. "The nesting ground I've been welcomed into has our distant relatives in it. Their home is situated amongst the coral reef. There's always colour there, along with whatever 'souvenirs' are brought to either share in the communal space or for a personal nest."

"Huh....Sounds like the dorms in the barracks I'd stay in. We'd have individual beds and lockers, but that's it in terms of 'personal space'. Everywhere else is communal." The comparison, though not perfect, was close enough to help William gain a better understanding of Damien's world, and of the setting for Celine and Mark's home. "So… Would that make the land part of the Rockpool the nesting grounds, and the small section under the water by the rocks your nest?"

"Yes, I consider it as such. I like it as it is. I don't see why it needs to be changed."

Realisation dawned on William. That explained Damien's offense at the mere thought of the space being changed. If everything was fitting for a merman, why humanise it? There was a solution to this, he was sure of it!

The pair took a break in the afternoon to bring Damien into the bathroom to get some moisture back into his body - the handheld shower head made this a lot easier - and have some lunch. Then, as William was asking Damien his opinions on which colour would better suit one of the empty rooms, Celine returned. She thought William was merely talking out loud as usual and was pleasantly surprised to see her brother lounging across three kitchen chairs, waving innocently at her.

-

And that was how the pair spent the next week. Each morning, William would set up and go on a long walk to strengthen his leg and explore the area, then fetch Damien so they could spend time together while William worked. Mark had gotten his hands on a wheelchair, which William then spent half the night refurbishing it to support a long, heavy tail instead of two feet. It gave Damien a little more independence when in the house… As well as the ability to ram into William with it when he was fetching items. The three humans agreed that it gave Damien a new lease of life once he was able to be involved in a way that was suitable for him. Some days he would ask William to bring him back to the Rockpool so he could spend the afternoon alone instead, and that was a request that was always respected.

However, as the week went on, William found he would spend his evenings at the Rockpool, regardless of whether or not the others joined him. He found Damien to be such good company… and feelings had taken root. But with how adamant Damien had been in not wanting to be humanised, he decided it would be best to keep it to himself. 

It didn't help that Mark gave him a knowing nudge one night when they were heading back into the house and seemed to be blissfully oblivious to William’s threat to keep it to himself.

[othersideoftheparadise]

Tampered [3/?]

Sam Wilson x cis fem! reader

Warnings: Spoilers for TFAWS. Mentions of blood, alcohol poisoning, graphic mentions of violence. This is the first time I'm ever writing something like this, so I'm open to constructive criticism.

Word count: 4.3 k ish.

Read Part 1 and Part 2 here.

2000

Dull pain thrummed between your eyes as the butt of the gun connected your forehead, almost making your vision black. It felt like needles pricking the skin all at once. You had to finish the mission. Your recovered, maintaining your balance back again, ignoring the pulsing pain, gripping the knife tucked in behind the belt, you dodged the punch aimed at your gut. You kicked your feet off the wall behind, as the boost gave you enough height to strike down the enemy, slashing his neck open right by the artery. Killing the very last attacker in the room. He slumps down with a thud, with blood splaying everywhere.

As the adrenaline rush wearied off, you were hungry now rather than being nervous about your mission. It was your duty to clear off the path for the Soldat and always look behind his back, just in case. More like a worm pierced onto the fishing hook for fishing. It was more like being assigned to be a bait for clearing the path.

You had to report back to the assigned rendezvous point, as you were told to be, but hunger made your ears ring. You did not have time to dwell upon in the middle of the mission, but the sweet aroma of freshly baked, warm bread and the sight of a boy around your age licking his fingers as he gobbled down plum pie definitely wanted you to think twice. Searing waves of hunger pangs hit, subconsciously leading your feet towards the boy. Hearing another set of footsteps approaching, you tried to shimmy behind the garbage bin behind, only to be yanked out by the man you never wanted to deal with.

The Soldat.

He looked down at you with his eyes reflecting no expression behind the mask. He dragged you by your hand as you protested.

“Let me go!” you trashed in, kicking and grunting against his firm grip.

‘Салдат, принеси с собой цечку, немедленно.,’ You heard the voice on the other side through the earpiece.

“N-No, No, I don’t want to go, it is so dark and p—please.” Blood was rushing to your head all at once, pulsing every beat. You didn’t want to go back. You wanted to stall as the feeling of fear overwhelmed sank into the gut.

Confusion was written all over his face; you could sense his hesitation. Previous mission with the Soldat ended up with him screaming for minutes in pain and agony when he had disobeyed. The people in the base never threatened but always made sure that you were present during the electroconvulsive therapy and when he was kept in cryo till the next session.

Shifting weight from one leg to another, your heart lurched, and your stomach tugged as you were closer to the destination. He was bruised and was limping by the time he had found you, but now he was straight up rigid, listening to the command. You remembered his gut-wrenching screams piercing in, and he took you back to the rendezvous point before the cleaning crew showed up.

“I’m sorry. I was just fascinated by this. I don’t know what to call it, but this part seems to be important. Who is Nakajima?” where he was pressing all the wrong buttons. Zemo was one of those only men; you were eager to know what was going on in his head.

Here he was playing the role of sugar-daddy, prodding over. What was more important was how Bucky never told you that your neighbour Nakajima was one of the people on the list of his amends. It was on you that you had expected him to tell you; he had no obligation that he had to.

“If you touch that again, I’ll kill you.” Bucky let-go of Zemo’s neck.

Sam visibly tensed up, looking at them, “I’m sorry. I understand that list of names. People you’ve wronged as the Winter Soldier.”

So, this was the reason why he wanted to move in.

Part of you was disappointed, but you had no right to have expectations. It was his own decision, and you had to respect it.

On the other hand, it was Zemo. It made you wondering for a while about how he was able to sit in the same room as you did. He should be angry, angry for rotting in prison after avenging his family’s death. This guy was surely a good spy and was very skilled; this was another reason you had to keep an eye on him.

Zemo devised a plan, laying out different people to meet in and around, starting from Madripoor. The city that had loose laws hence had better leverage for things to go according to him.

“It’s kept its lawless ways. But we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.” Zemo let Bucky know.

“That is not going to work.”, this plan was going to fail; Bucky can become the Winter Soldier but cannot act like one.

“And why would you say that?” his interest piqued. He obviously knew this better than anyone else. If this was one of his mind-games to rile you up, it was not happening anymore.

“Well, it was something that he was conditioned to do in his subconscious. Not in his real-time. He does not know to pretend like one.”

“Alas, we do not have a better plan, do we?” he replied back.

Knives, Check.

Guns, Check.

You found yourself scrolling aimlessly through the local television, making sure that your eyes did not skitter over to the suit that was draped over him, fitting neat and tight.

Holy fucking shit.

You had to physically make sure that you were not watching him, straining your vision onto the screen. He looked like a mafia drug lord. You knew that you would be floored if he had opted to wear the shirt with his sleeves rolled up. You wanted to have more of the Sambal and rice that was served in the morning. The appetite had appeared out of nowhere.

“Alright, I’ll be leaving now. Ping me when you’re done with your business or in case of an emergency. I’ll be looking over from the second floor, from the lodge opposite to the pub.” Part of you did not trust Zemo, but you were sure that Sam and Bucky would be able to handle themselves.

Mentally slapped yourself, ignoring the looks thrown at you. All of this would be over for once and all if the plan had worked out, and you would tell Sam that you would be leaving.

Putting the food on the plate you waited, you made sure that table was all set up before Sam came back from his jog. Things were awkward, to say the least, and tiring as well. You couldn’t care less about how people showed false compassion at Nat’s funeral, making you roll your eyes. One thing that always made you regret that you did not have anything that belonged to Nat other than her memories. Everything had burned down once Bruce snapped, even before the team could comprehend her death. It was so unfair that everything that belonged to her had been destroyed, wiping out her entire existence as if she had never existed in the first place.

Another headache was pulsing in, beating in the hollow space with every heartbeat. You heard the door slam shut, reminding you that Sam had indeed returned from the run. Here you were, preparing breakfast, soaking in the domesticity in the world where she was already forgotten. She deserved to live, live a good life after all of this with Steve. Sunlight shimmying into the house made it look like the future that you had always wanted. This was too good to be true; the team was still recovering from the loss.

Sam and you both were still managing to barely keep the relationship tied together as the honeymoon phase after the blip had ended. The real world was settling in. You had seen him struggling to set into the new world, where people had moved on without him. You tried your best to ignore it because it always ended with ‘let me handle it’ ending the conversation.

“Hey, are you listening to me?”, He asked digging in, looking over for a response. “I said that the food is delicious. It is terrific.”, He reassured after seeing you cock an eyebrow.

“I appreciate it, Sammy.”, you smiled, remembering how Nat opened up to you saying that she always wanted a family with Steve, wanted a life, a life that you were living now.

“Hey, look at me.”, he hooked your chin with his finger, lifting up. “Thinking about her is not going to bring her back alright, but you can talk to me. I’m right here. It is okay, not to be okay.”, He looked at you with all sincerity that he could muster.

All you wanted was to scoff, scoff at how he was always ready to help others but dealt with his problems all by himself.

“They were supposed to get married!”, This was when the heaviness in chest grew heavy. He was physically taken back by the new information. Maybe he didn’t know about it yet.

Shit.

“And really, Sammy? I could say the same to you. I get it, alright. I get it that we both are going through a tough phase, but I have wanted to say the same to you. All you say is ‘I can do this and shut me out.” You emphasize with your fingers, seeing his tense shoulders.

“You are so careful around me all the time that you physically look like you’re embracing yourself for shit to collapse.”, This was it; you had been waiting for weeks to say this. You saw his jaw tick with all the tension that he had been gritting in and holding back.

“N-no, No, I don’t want to go in there. Do you understand? I get what you are trying to say, but it is just that I need some time to open up about everything. The world did not wait for anyone and has been running even in all those five years.”, He said, pointing at the window.

“I need some time, m’kay? I need some time to adjust to all of this.”, He was ambiguous.

“This is how our relationship is, Sammy. We don’t talk. This-this is why you are always on alert mode whenever you are with me because you think you have to keep reasoning every time anything happens. Y-You also think that you’re better off without telling anyone about your problems.”, Emphasising the conversation, you sat looking dead in his eyes. This flared anger in him, flickering like a spark staring out a fire.

“Why does every conversation we have, has to end up about our relationship? And no, you’re wrong this time; it is not that I don’t want to talk to you about it. It is just that I need some time.”, He reasoned, trying to explain, taking deep breaths.

You both had arguments almost every single day. It was emotionally exhausting. You could not imagine what he must be going through now that everything had resumed.

“This is what I am talking about. We both have grown out of this relationship, and we have different opinions, which is absolutely fine.”, He was positive, scrapping the chair away. “But I need a break; I need a break from all of this. It is just that you and I are dealing with different things, and I’m tired of explaining this to you every time.”, He said with certainty.

It really did take some time for his words to sink in, but he was crystal clear. He approached you, instantly regretting his words.

“You’re right, Sam.”, You stared aimlessly, getting up.

“H-Hey, I did not mean it.”, his voice dropped, lacing with sadness, looking at you.

“Stay there and sit down; this is your house.”, you emphasized, motioning him. He looked distraught as seriousness stetted in.

“No, Wilson. I understand; you are right. We need a break, and this is not working out because we both need time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was selfish and insensitive about what you are going through right now.”, Sighing you carried yourself to pack up, ignoring the headache pounding in. He didn’t deserve any of it. He deserved someone better than this.

“It is just that I’m not in the right headspace right now. I’m sorry.” You repeated again, walking out. You were too afraid to think how different life would have been if the snap had never happened. Simultaneously, you imagined how Nat would have cussed you back and forth for ruining your relationship.

“Hey James, do you have a spare room to crash in for few days?”, You whispered into the phone, hearing the beep sound.

Before you knew, you saw Zemo, Sam, and Bucky scrambling around, confused. You sighed, loading your gun, firing off people who were attacking them right away. Another line of fire came out of the window beside yours, halting immediately after the attackers were down.

What the hell?

“Wow, look at you all dressed down to take out the bad guys.”, you had sensed her but not this close. Maybe you were getting slow.

You looked up at the women, who had saved Steve and Sam back in the day. To be honest, you had forgotten about her and knew why she was ignorant about the whole situation, “I know why you’re all bitter. I’m sorry that we did not come back.”, you signified, raising up for hands, surrendering.

“Oh please, there is a difference. It is always easy for people like you to say ‘sorry’ not knowing what someone else had to go through.”, Sharon scoffed, pointing the gun.

You were also curious about what she was going to do further, as she pressed the gun to for back, guiding you to lead the way. The whole situation turned around when Sharon agreed to help in for the next lead.

Sam looked far by uncomfortable as he tugged his collar out for more air. He was sweltering down as he reached the condo.

“What’s wrong, Sam?”, You asked as he looked like he was going to collapse, unable to walk. He huffed, struggling to take out the phone that was buzzing in his pant pocket.

“Wait, let me take it out for you.”, You knew that something was wrong, but you did not want to use your powers to find out without his consent. You heard his breath hitch as you moved closer to him.

This was definitely weird.

“Just do it soon.”, His voice turned hoarse, gritting his teeth. He visibly shivered as you skimmed your fingers into the pocket to take out his phone. It was Sarah. You saw his eyes glistening as he grabbed his phone, walking straight into the room, shutting the door with a loud bang.

You almost heard Bucky snort, making you sharply turn around in his direction. What had happened down there, pushing Sam into a situation like this?

“Bucky, what did you do?” you marched as Sharon huffed, settling down to look at the show you all were putting up.

“I-I didn’t do anything. It was not me, okay.”, He stammered, with his eyes wide. He was practically pressing himself into the sofa.

“It was wine. The snake wine he drank.”, Zemo quipped in, shifting your attention.

“What? What on the fresh hell is a snake wine?” you were bewildered, to say in the least.

You heard, Oh-s and Aah-s, as Sharon spoke up, “Snake wine is assumed to be an aphrodisiac and is believed to make people strong.”, She said, gesturing at her biceps.

“It is a what?!”

“Hey, calm down, listen to me; I’ll arrange someone to buy sex toys with lots of food and hydration. It can go on for hours, but who knows.”, She nodded looking at you.

“Okay”

“No wonder he couldn’t run in those heels.”, Bucky muttered, looking around, shifting around.

You all discussed your next lead that was tipped off in the bar, hearing Sam throw up. This was not a good sign.

“Bucky, please hand me over the medicine kit. I’ll take care of him.”, You rushed in, locking the door.

The whole room was a mess, with everything strewn all over the place. The acrid smell of vomit filled in your lungs as you saw a tired Sam collapsed on the floor.

Oh my god.

“Sammy, hey, look at me.”, you were trying to shake him into consciousness. His eyes were rimmed red as he looked at you. Wiping him down with a warm washcloth, you could feel pain rattle his lungs, and somehow, it had only become worse.

“Come on, Sammy.”, You helped him lay down on the bed, ignoring his burning skin. You knew what you had to do; he was just at the brink of passing out and threw up almost everything you tried to make him drink.

This was not a good sign; with the mind racing with endless possibilities, you did not want to be terrified. You had seen what death was, but looking at Sam right now, did make you remember when he was dusted away during the snap. Living through all the madness, running from one place to another, it was Sam who made you feel human.

“Sam, do you trust me?”, You knew that this was not entirely consensual, but he was only a human after all.

“I—I do. I do.”, he was dazed by all the alcohol and the dehydration.

Removing the wristwatch, you concentrated on the energy from the center, carmine red flickers spasmed through your palms. Pressing them to his warm chest, you imagined him healing from inside as you felt the energy radiating off his body.

He had visibly calmed down, looking down at you. “Is this how you saved Pietro?.,” He looked at you incredulously.

“What?” you were the one staring back in shock, moving away.

Oh no.

“Don’t worry, Wanda accidentally slipped when she was talking about Ultron, but I didn’t know you it was going to be something like this.”, he huffed. The furrow of his eyebrow explained for itself. He did not push it further as he got up to clean the mess, not looking back.

“Sam, I can explain,” “No Y/N, you don’t have to. You don’t owe one.”, He said, not looking up.

“Talk to me Sam, I know that look on your face. You’re angry.”, You tried talking to him, rushing on your feet, closer to him.

“I’m angry because I’m an idiot. Just like I said, you don’t owe me an explanation. I had my doubts after the blip when things were quickly found and how everything is always rearranged like the clappers. You look more alive than ever but older at the same time, and I don’t understand a damn thing.”, he said, chucking the sheets into the laundry basket.

“I did not want to tell it to anyone because I’m already an outcast for not being normal. People look at me in fear and disgust after knowing who I am.”, You tried explaining to him. This was wrong; finding out something like this made the situation worse.

“Look, I get it; I’m really thankful that you saved my life today.”, You signaled him to be quiet as you scanned around. Flares shimmered away from you throughout the room, creating dark midnight hues, with a glint of yellow flaring over them.

He looked more confused than ever.

“Ah, it keeps happening all the time. I don’t know why the colors keep changing, but this one is always prominent.”, you explained, gesturing at the blue orb.

“How long have you been doing this?”, he asked putting on his clothes.

“It was in 2012. I acquired them when I was trying to get Loki off from smuggling the tesseract. I don’t know how but I understood that he was possessed. I tried negotiating, talking sense into him. I told him that I knew what was going on and was trying to help him out. He told me that he would kill me, so I threatened to destroy the tesseract out of stupidity. One thing led to another, and I crushed it with his scepter. The next thing that I knew, that was I was in a hospital bed out for almost a month.” You summarized.

“Wait, and no one knew about it?” Sam was surprised processing in. “No signs of any radiation, damage, or anything?”

“No, it turned out that Loki had used his powers and transferred the blow to the other side of the portal. On the other hand, I did not show any remains of radiation. I don’t know how.”, he was more concerned.

“So, you’re saying that Loki’s intentions were not to destroy New York.”, He sat down, rubbing his palms together.

“No, it was Thanos. He had caught Loki wandering off in space when he committed suicide jumping off the rainbow bridge in Asgard. He made a negotiation by torturing Loki to bring Tesseract and the Septer to him.”

“Which is around two stones, right? Then why would he send Loki, when he could do the job himself?”, he was trying to come out with a possible explanation.

“I don’t know what his true intentions were, but when we’re doing our research on stones during the time heist, we came to a conclusion that he had done the same with the power stone as well. He negotiated with Ronan to wipe out half of Xandar in exchange for the power stone. He did the same thing with Loki too. Give him an army to invade and rule the earth in exchange for the stones.”

“So, this was more like killing two birds in a stone.”, he completed your sentence looking up at you.

“It was also another reason why I never initiated any interest, even though I really liked you a lot when you let us into your home for the first time.”, you confessed, picking upon the fabric of your pants.

“What?” he was letting the new information sink in.

“Technically, it was in the closet when we were trying to set up Steve and Nat together.”, You were feeling guilty that you did not give him any time to process the information.

“Do you regret it?”, He had an unreadable expression on his face.

“I regret a lot of things, Sam. You have to be more specific.”, From what life had thrown you into different situations, one thing that you were sure about having a life with normalcy was that you liked Sam. As a person, a friend, and someone you could rely upon.

“You know what I mean.”, the hardness in his stare threw you off. It was something that was never directed at you.

“I do, Sam. I do. Call it fate or whatever you want; I had hope before the blast had happened. Retire one day and have a normal life. I was convinced that I would not use my powers because I was tired of people exploiting me.”, There were times when blood samples were taken, right before and after having meals. It mostly ended up you hearing gossip about how the blood work always turned out to be normal as guards walked down the narrow corridor, assuming you were asleep.

“From H.Y.D.R.A.to SHEILD, I do not want anyone come after me, and then I met you.”, pinching out splinters from the window, you give yourself a second to continue. “I almost convinced myself that I would always avenge and fight for the rest of my life. This is going to sound really cheesy, you know?”

“It is all kinds of normal; that is what makes us human.” He was looking at the wool rug spread across the floor, nodding at you to continue.

Well then.

“When I met you, I started liking you throughout the years after we met. For who you are, you’re your maturity, goofiness with a pinch of cockiness that comes out every now and then, but you are also respectful at the same time.”

He was looking up at you with a calm look on his face. On the other hand, you were almost shaking because it was always him before the snap who initiated everything. Initiated talks, initiated to join into conversations when Steve and Nat bickered around, initiated to go out for a date in Wakanda and the night you two had before the battle. This was new, but the burden of carrying all of these secrets alleviated your shoulders; maybe this could give you closure. Closure on how you can never change what had happened but only move on.

‘One step at a time,’ like Steve said.

“It is just- I was so scared, I guess. I was not decisive, and my feelings just grew stronger.” You sat down, with eyes swimming all over the room, landing at Sam, who was now sitting down across you. It was like he had heard your thoughts, now that you noticed him in a black turtle neck cotton shirt. This was your Sam sitting close to you, but not close enough. You wanted to be confused as to why you longed for his presence, but it was crystal clear. With realization seeping into bones, you had to accept that you deserved an ordinary life, but Sam deserved better. Better than all of this mess. What if someone had come looking out for him because of you?

“I need some time away from you, Y/N, so that I can decide when we both sort out about this because I don’t want to swing back and forth if I’m honest with you. This is about me, deciding for myself.”, dissolving the encased power that had kept you both from prying ears, Sam jumped when he heard strings of notifications pinging in.

You heard the sound of your ringtone to see Sarah calling in.

“Do you want to talk to her? I, uh—meant that she called you hours ago.”,

“Nah, just talk to her. She might be calling you for a reason.”

Next part

Taglist: @wanniiieeee

[cv-nobody-and-associates]

Foggyvent Epilogue, and a new beginning

Nobody Wants To Know

Part I – Prologue

The Hub was an interesting place. A meeting place among the infinite dimensions across the multiverse, it was a large and vaguely dome-shaped space with a pale silver colour in the sky and a metallic texture to its walls and floor. It was filled with tables and chairs of various sizes and shapes to accommodate all of the physical impossibilities that would find themselves sitting there, and it was at one such table that Nobody found herself in conversation with her succubus companion, Zila.

The two had loved one another from their first meeting, and as such when Nobody needed comfort and answers after her experience with the fog, there was only one person she sought out. Launch was a close second, but her second partner was rather difficult to track down on most occasions, and was usually not interested in getting involved in serious matters such as this, preferring to take a more background role.

“…And then the vision passed.” Nobody finished her recounting of exactly what she had seen in the fog – the two figures that taunted her and the vision of those she cared about most laying dead at her feet. “I still don’t know what it truly meant, but ever since I’ve been feeling…different than I used to. I don’t think that I only saw my fears.”

“You think it was some kind of vision?” Zila said, in that youthful silken voice of hers. In more pleasant circumstances, Nobody could lose herself in that wondrous sound, but at the moment she had more pressing concerns. Still, even watching Zila’s beautiful skin and golden blond hair, gazing into her piercing yellow eyes as she spoke, brought Nobody comfort.

“Sort of.” Nobody answered. “Not a vision of the future, but perhaps it was showing me some truth within myself. Something I have been incapable of remembering for whatever reason. Perhaps a good reason.” Zila seemed to frown at that, and Nobody almost felt dumb for even suggesting the idea. At times, Zila’s charisma was infectious even without her willing it. One of many features that came from being a Succubus. Two drinks arrived at their table, which Zila took, passing one to Nobody, who nodded her thanks.

“What kinda ‘good reason’,” Zila said, emphasising the air-quotes. “Would there be for not knowing who you are?” She asked. Nobody shrugged in response, uncertain of how to answer the question herself.

“I can only conclude it’s something my employer would want.” She replied. “Kuryo has informed me that my existence has certain terms, namely serving him on my missions. This could be another?” Nobody shook her head. “I’m really not sure, and it’s something I intend to look into. But it’s not the only reason I came here.”

“Oh?” Zila said, placing her head forward and resting it on one slender yet well-toned blue arm. She grinned for a moment, showing pale white fanged teeth for just a moment. Behind her question-marked face, Nobody smiled warmly, and placed her hand on Zila’s free one.

“I also came to see you.” She said happily. Zila’s face blushed a warm red colour, something that Nobody found adorably amusing. “After seeing the other vision, seeing you lifeless… I had to. I’m sure my friends would consider it selfish, but I won’t apologise for my devotion to you surpassing any other factors.”

“You mean everything to me, Zila.”

“Y-you’re just trying to make me blush!” Zila playfully protested, quickly putting her hands to her face and shaking side to side, a sight that made Nobody laugh, with a genuineness she hadn’t felt in quite some time. Zila took a moment to calm herself before speaking again.

“What about your other partner? Lift-off or Rise or something like that?” She asked, and Nobody sighed.

“Launch.” She corrected. “I love them too. Of course I do, and there’s next to nothing I wouldn’t do for them. We’ve discussed this before, and nothing has changed.”

“Nothing?” Zila asked. “Wait, does that mean that they still don’t know about… you know, about us?”

“Whether or not they’re aware, I cannot say.” Nobody said, leaning back in her seat and sipping her drink, an odd substance that tasted vaguely like orange juice despite looking like clear water. “But I have yet to have the opportunity to tell them. I intended to, but then they died.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Don’t panic, it wasn’t permanent.” Nobody chuckled, and Zila sighed in relief. “I don’t fully understand the details, but they have a system in place that makes them essentially immortal. They respawned, and sent me their location. Alas, I was unable to find them before getting side-tracked by work. We next saw each other at the New Year’s party on Creatorverse, Internia. And only briefly before disaster struck.”

“What kind of disaster?” Zila asked. She was always curious about Creatorverse, a world that she herself had yet to visit. “Was it those Blockhead things you told me about?” Nobody shook her head.

“No, I’m told it was Mori.” Zila nodded, vaguely recalling what Nobody had said about the mysterious Mori.

“That’s the destroyer god, right?” She asked. Nobody thought for a moment, then shrugged.

“Something like that, I think. I forget the full story, and no one ever seems to agree on the details.” She answered. “All I know is that Mori used to live in Creatorverse, but was exiled for some reason, and now they want to destroy us all for revenge?” Zila raised an eyebrow.

“That sounds kinda fishy.”

“I agree.” Nobody nodded. “But it’s not really my business to examine it further. I’ve got nothing against Mori, nor any of their companions. I’ll only intervene if absolutely necessary. Not my fight.”

“So, they sabotaged the party?” Nobody nodded at Zila’s deduction.

“Indeed. They were also responsible for releasing the fog. I think they were trying to get some kind of paperwork using it, but I don’t believe I caught the full message before I left. I didn’t see Launch at all after New Year’s. I hope they avoided the fog.”  

“I hope they’re okay too.” Zila said comfortingly. “Based on what you’ve told me, they sound pretty cool.” She smiled at Nobody.

“If they only seem ‘pretty cool’, I must have undersold them.” Nobody joked, and the two laughed pleasantly for a few moments.

“Hopefully I’ll get to meet them someday.” Zila said. Nobody nodded, raising her glass.

“With any luck. It would be great for all three of us to hang out sometime.” The two lovers clinked their glasses together happily and drank for a moment. There was a pause before Zila spoke again, this time nervously.

“If…” She hesitated, and Nobody leaned forward, listening intently. “If you had to choose. If you had to choose between me or them-”

“I’d choose you.” Nobody cut her off. “I love Launch, I care for them a lot, but you’re always my number one priority.”

“Thank you.” Zila said after a moment, shining clear watery tears.

“No need to thank me for honesty.” Nobody replied. “But enough about me. How have you been? Hopefully you’ve been doing better than my vision suggested.” She joked, which caused Zila to chuckle before groaning into her hands at the thought of how things had been going for her.

“Ugh. Let’s just say I’m glad you’re here. Things haven’t been going well since our last meeting.” Nobody took a long sip of her drink.

“Oh, trouble at work?” Nobody asked, setting Zila off.

“You have no idea!” She cried, throwing her arms up in frustration for a moment. “All I’m trying to do is seduce people and take their souls, but everyone keeps trying to get feelings involved! It’s so uncomfortable. I’m just there to fuck, not for love.”

“That’s not how I remember our times in bed.” Nobody said light-heartedly. “I seem to recall us being very passionate indeed, in more ways than just physical.” Zila froze for a moment, going red.

“You’re the exception.” She said, seemingly both flustered and amused. “No one else is like you, ya know.”

“I believe I do.” Nobody nodded. Her thoughts wandered back to her vision in the fog for another moment. “Although I find myself wondering as to what I am like now. There’s still so much I don’t know…” She trailed off, something Zila noticed.

“It’s the vision, isn’t it?” She asked, to which Nobody nodded. “If it’s bugging you so much, you gotta go look into it.” Nobody looked up for a moment.

“I…” She stumbled over her words. “I have some ideas. Nothing concrete, but there are a few places that might hold some answers for me.” She thought for a moment.

“The other Nobodies.”

“Pardon?”

“When I enter another world, there is only one me.” Nobody began to explain frantically. “I just change to fit that world and its rules. But there are three exceptions I know of. One I made, one I chose, and one took the name herself. Three other Nobodies. And if I am included, there are three people within me. It’s not a coincidence, I just don’t know how it connects.” Zila smiled happily. Hearing Nobody ramble so passionately always brought her joy.

And if she was being honest, she had certain ideas for what to do with three Nobody’s…

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go check them out!” Zila encouraged. Nobody smiled beneath her question-marked face and burst forth from her seat, before remembering a crucial detail she had forgotten.

“WAIT, CV!” She yelled in a panic. “I was meant to get some things! Vanilla extract and a big magic supply! And I was meant to help those outside in the fog!”

“Wait, the fog was still happening when you got here?!” Zila shrieked in surprise. “I thought it was done!”

“I’M SORRY, I HAD TO SEE YOU!” Nobody said in response. Zila stood for a moment, briefly going red before sighing.

“Hun, I love you, but sometimes you can be a real dumbass.” Nobody nodded at Zila’s wisdom, chuckling a little. “Give me a sec, I’ll help.” Nobody gave Zila a quick hug in response to her words.

“Thanks Zila, you’re a life saver!” Zila rolled her eyes but gave Nobody a loving smile as she gently left her arms, and opened up a flaming portal. One of the perks of being a succubus was the ability to essentially travel anywhere, and in style to boot.  

“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” Zila said, before blowing a kiss at Nobody, which the question mark girl happily caught. She then vanished through the portal.

As she waited for Zila’s return, Nobody took the time to write a small note to apologise for her absence.

Dear Shandy, or whoever else finds this note,

I apologise for failing in my duties during the Fog Outbreak. I had much to do, and some crucial personal business that I am afraid takes priority over anything and anyone within the city. Said personal business is also why I will not be returning in person.

The Fog may have shown others their fears, but to me it showed a vision. It allowed for some part of me long forgotten to connect to the rest, and I now need to find answers. I understand if you will not forgive me, but I shall not apologise.

However, thanks to a special someone, I have some gifts I had promised, that I hope shall make up for my extended absence.

Take care, and don’t die,

Nobody In Particular

Zila returned as soon as she had finished writing the letter, holding a rather nice-looking woven basket.

“Alright, I got you a bunch of Vanilla extract, a duplication ring they can use to get more, and…” She took out a large black sphere that seemed to hold within it a burning white-hot flame. “One Hell Pandora. It’s a magic sphere that holds some of the most potent powers and souls from hell, like a pocket dimension. Don’t worry about using souls, they were in Hell for a reason.”  

Nobody nodded, taking the basket and briefly opening a portal of her own. She placed it carefully at the door of the council building, never fully stepping through. Once she was sure it had been safely placed down, she came back to The Hub.

She then wrapped Zila in a tender embrace, and after a moment the gesture was returned.

“I may not know the full story of who I am,” She began, before moving to look Zila right in the eyes, holding her by the shoulders. “But I know that I love you, and I always will.” After a moment’s hesitation, Nobody peeled back the question-mark face she wore, revealing her True Form and its human face beneath. Then, she gently removed that face as well, showing off the face of her Final Form.

Her right eye was finally open, a prism of strange and interdimensional energy held within it. Her natural blonde hair now stood in eerily still spikes, mixing with a misty aura around her. Her mouth was now masked with a deep purple and black misty aura, mixed with fiery fangs.  

This was Nobody in her purest state, something that only Zila had ever seen. And whilst most avoided it as much as possible due to its fearful effects, Zila only ever admired it as she did all aspects of her lover.

Gently, Nobody kissed Zila, letting their mouths come to a pleasant embrace. It was all too brief for the both of them, but at the same time it was also a moment that neither would ever forget.

“No matter who you become, I’ll always love you.” Zila said, gently caressing Nobody’s face as it morphed back to its default question-mark state.  

“Now go.” She spoke. “I’ll be waiting for when you return.”

And with those final words, Nobody departed, beginning her search for answers.

[END]

AN: Thanks for reading this! This started as just an epilogue for the Creatorverse Foggyvent, but I’ve been working on some of Nobody’s backstory and lore, so the idea to expand this struck me as an excellent way to explore it! The three other Nobody’s mentioned are all characters that I created, and the only AU Nobody’s to not just be the canon one shifting based on the world she’s in.

I should probably give some context for that. The short version is that Nobody is an extra-dimensional being. Specifically, she is a Fusion, which in this case means she is a cross between the souls of a Creator from Internia and an entity known as a Void Demon, an energy being that lives in the Void, a space between realities. Both of these are separate from Nobody, who is a third being created from combining the previous two. More info will be revealed as the story progresses.

As for Zila, she’s another sona of mine! I made her to be a somewhat less complex character than Nobody, who has a lot more complex lore behind her. So Zila’s whole deal is that she’s a Succubus from a realm known as Hell, and she travels across realms to…well, do what Succubi do. I’d be happy to talk more about her if asked.

Worth noting, Nobody is indeed canonically cheating on Zila with Launch, even though Zila is aware and fine with it. It’s not a poly without everyone knowing what’s going on and giving consent, and since Nobody has yet to tell Launch about Zila, it’s cheating. Out of character, Zila is just another representation of me just like Nobody. They’re both parts of me. So, unless dating literally myself counts, no IRL relationships are affected whatsoever.

There’s more I could ramble on about, but I don’t want to drag this AN out for too long, so I’ll leave you here. I hope you enjoyed this!

[xxrainbow-princessxx]

Family Ties - TRR AU

Will Isabella’s feeling for Matthew go any further or does her unexpected visitor throw a spanner into the works.

Chapter list:

Chapter 1: Enough

Chapter 2: Homeward Bound

Chapter 3: Band of Brothers

Chapter 4 Dearest Sympathies

Chapter 5: No Expectations

Chapter 6: Line of Succession

Chapter 7: Unspoken Truths

Tag list: @lorirwritesfanfic @drakewalkerfantasy @desireepow-1986 @rainbowsinthestorm @lorircreates @itslaniquelove @liam-rhys @hopefulmoonobject @speedyoperarascalparty @kimmiedoo5 @rafasgirl23415 @kingliam2019 @mom2000aggie @texaskitten30 @the-everlasting-dream

Trigger warning: Violence, death, premonition of death, sexual innuendo, swearing

Isabella’s eyes widened, “Uncle Bartie is here? Does he have Camille?” Jimena began to nod, “Yes... and no matter what I told him, he was extremely insistent that I take you from any meeting you are in as this is urgent...” Isabella raised her palms, “Ok... ok...” as she began to walk in her towering Louboutin heels rubbing her forehead, “Just cancel the next few meetings I have...” Jimena rolled her eyes towards Isabella as she began to sigh, “Your next appointment is already here, they’ve been waiting 45 minutes because you were too busy screaming at Leo...” Isabella’s brow furrowed, “Wait? I had no meetings until late afternoon...” Shaking her head Jimena tried to muster her laugh, “How could you forget your lunch date with the hot lawyer?” The petite brunette’s eyes narrowed as she snapped back, “It wasn’t a date! I’m settling a fucking divorce Mena...” a sly smile began to grow across Jimena’s face as she elbowed Isabella, “Oh come on Bella... as your best friend I’m telling you he clearly likes you... so why not? You’re 28 years old, you should be enjoying yourself...” Isabella bit down on her lower lip as Jimena’s eyes widened, “You cannot tell me you are holding out for Leo Rys?.... Oh my God...” she exclaimed suddenly realising, “You cannot be serious? Bella!” Isabella turned her head whispering, “Shut up Mena... shush...” as she began to look around, “Look... go and apologise to Lord Devereaux and let him know I will be with him shortly, I’ll see to Uncle Bartie, it shouldn’t take too long...” Jimena smiled as she held onto the handle to the throne room, “Don’t be too pissed... he’s sitting on the your throne...” before she opened the door, “Duke Ramsford...” Jimena grinned, “...as requested, Her Majesty, Queen Isabella...”

“Young lady...” Barthelemy snorted, “You should bow to those of higher standing than you...” but before Jimena could protest, Isabella smiled, “Uncle Bartie... Jimena is a Duchess, so she does have the same social standing... but more to the question how are you?” Isabella approached him warmly with a hug as she happily grinned at Camille, “Hello Princess...” she cooed. Barthelemy began to sigh, “ My dear... I must ask of your assistance...” he pleaded, “I believe that husband of yours has become truly mad!” Isabella’s dark chocolate brown eyes widened in horror, “Why! What has happened?” Sighing as Camille fidgeted in his arms trying to get across to Isabella, he reluctantly handed the small Princess to her. Placing his hand onto his hip he took a deep breath, “Maxwell and Bertrand have gone missing... I fear that Liam and Leo may have had them executed...” Isabella was about to speak but stopped herself, “No... she began to shake her head, “Leo wouldn’t have...” Barthelemy’s eyes narrowed as Isabella questioned him, “How well do you really know him?” pleading with her, “If he could easily arrange an execution of your family, just imagine...” his time changed as he emphasised his warning, “... what he would do to you if you crossed him or the children? Maybe your divorce was a saving grace after all...” Camille pouted as she held onto Isabella a little tighter as Barthelemy held his hands out to take her back, “I’d keep him as far away from here as possible...” Isabella’s brow furrowed slightly as he continued, “I’ve already had my security brief your Guards on your current set up...” Isabella clicked her tongue, “I appreciate the help Uncle Bartie but I can assure you that my Guards and staff already know how to deal with my ex-husband thank you...”

“Your Majesty...” Jimena smiled reading the room, “I’m sorry but you have another extremely pressing appointment to attend...” nodding she smiled at her Uncle, “Please make yourself at home... let’s have dinner this evening and talk more ok?” This placated Barthelemy as Isabella sashayed out of the room leaning into Jimena as they walked side by side whispering, “Have Javier watch him like a hawk...” Jimena nodded, running off to allow Isabella to greet her guest, “Lord Devereaux...” tilting her head slightly, the petite brunette grinned “Please accept my apologies for keeping you...I had a rather unexpected visitor...” Matthew stood, his alluring blue eyes drew her in as he returned her smile, “Your Majesty...” he began to chuckle, picking up his briefcase, “...apology not accepted...” Isabella rolled her eyes to the right as she began to laugh, “You’re lucky I like you...” directing him to the sunroom, “I’m interested to know what else you may have found since our last discussion...” Lord Devereaux pulled out Isabella’s seat for her, gently pushing it in as she sat down before he sat next to her. Isabella’s long eyelashes fluttered, distracting him as he stared into those dark chocolate brown and golden caramel eyes. Matthew’s breath hitched as the Laurentian beauty grinned, her warm, inviting smile made him melt; “Lord Devereaux...” she cooed, “I am thankful for you having patience with me today...” Matthew returned her smile getting lost as he stared at her beauty, “Of course... I’d wait for as long as you wanted me to...”

“Sorry... that um...” Matthew cleared his throat as he sat his briefcase onto the table, “I...” he awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair, “I’ve had a look at the records and have spoken with a few of my colleagues, it seems that someone has been trying to gather more information on the Constitution of Laurentia than I would have liked...” Isabella’s brow slightly furrowed as she rested her elbow in the table cradling her jaw against her hand completely focused on Matthew’s next words, “Your Majesty...” Matthew slowly looked around the room before speaking again, “I do not mean to alarm but I find it most worrying that something or someone may wish you any harm...” Isabella nodded before sighing, “I know...” her lips curling upwards teasing him, “Occupational hazard?” Matthew raised his brow, “I somehow don’t feel that humour will protect that pretty crown... but...” he began to lower his head, “What I have been told is that the documents were sent to Cordonia... possibly your husband requested these, I’m still not convinced since Leo never wanted anything from you...” Lord Devereaux began to chuckle, “Client confidentiality can backfire sometimes...” Biting down onto her plump lower lip Isabella’s almond shaped eyes narrowed seductively as she moved closer to Matthew, “It seems so...” before fixing the lapel of his jacket.

Her fingers delicately brushed against the soft material of his jacket as they smiled towards one another. Isabella felt her heart racing as the distance between them became smaller and smaller. Taking a deep breath, Isabella could smell his cologne, the English Nobleman smelt so good. Their lips barely brushed one another until Isabella heard the door burst open, “Bella!” Jimena quietly barked, “You need to get out here!” Nodding before lowering her head, Isabella sadly smiled towards Matthew mouthing “Sorry...” before she followed Jimena. “What’s wrong?” Isabella’s brow furrowed at the interruption, “Come with me...” dragging the Laurentian Queen down the quiet corridor, “It’s Duke Ramsford... his security has locked down the Palace...” Jimena spoke in hushed tones, “...Something’s not right Bella...” Isabella began to shake her head, “No... that’s nonsense Mena... he’s a little eccentric but...” Mena clenched down on her teeth as she seethed, “Bella... listen to me, he has just dismissed 10 members of your guard...” running her tongue behind her teeth, Isabella raised her brow angrily, “He did what?” Jimena tried to hold Isabella back, “Bella... don’t... we need to get you and the kids out of here!” Shoving her shoulders back, Isabella’s nostrils flared, “No one comes into my home and dictates to me!” as Jimena sighed heavily watching helplessly as Isabella stormed towards the throne room, her words fell short as Isabella pushed through the doors demanding an explanation, “Duke Ramsford!” Isabella explained, “How dare you dismiss my guards!” Isabella’s lips were poured as she folded her arms, “I believe you may be overstaying your welcome already...”

“Isabella...” Barthelemy began to grin, “You should always be prepared and keep your friends close... but your enemies closer...” Isabella’s eyes narrowed, glaring at the Duke as he continued, “My dear... I don’t think you are in a position to dictate to me... after all, with your Crown on the line... I think it would be better served by someone who can rule with an iron fist...” Clenching her jaw, Isabella moved forward barely a few steps until Barthelemy’s security held her back, “Tut tut my dear” as her guards began to surround him “... to think that’s how you treat your Uncle? One wrong move from you or your guards and...” Isabella heard the distinct click of a revolver cocking, turning to the left her eyes widened as a gun was aimed at her children. Her dark chocolate brown eyes widened as the twins screamed loudly, “Mama!!!” Struggling, Isabella shouted back to Barthelemy, “Whatever you want... take everything... just leave them alone!!” Tears began to roll down the Queen’s face as she begged, “Please... please don’t hurt them! Javier stand down” Isabella bit down on her lip, “Please...” Upon hearing the screaming, Matthew ran out into the hallway nearly knocking Jimena over, “What is going on?” He questioned her as Jimena presses her finger against her lip whispering, “Follow me...” as she pulled his arm racing down the sandstone steps towards the servants quarters. Fumbling, Jimena tried to find her phone, “Shit...” she mumbled... “Fuck I don’t...” as she patted herself down before turning and taking Matthew’s from his jacket dialling Leo’s number, “Come on... fucking pick up... you are still fucking useless...” the waiting if the dial tone felt like a million years.

‘You’ve reached the voicemail of...’

Leo dragged his hand down his face, “Fuck me...” he mumbled as he sat through another Cordonian Royal Council meeting, “Do you lot ever fucking make a rational decision?” Madeleine turned immediately glaring at him with distain, “A little decorum would be more respectful...” causing Leo to laugh heartily, “Oh Maddie... that’s the best joke I’ve heard all week...” running his fingers through his sandy blonde hair. Leo’s phone began to vibrate as Madeleine grinned, “You want to get that... who knows Isabella might take you back so you can crawl back under the rock you came from...” Drake slowly rolled his eyes, “This is not getting us anywhere... our main priority is to find Barthelemy and understand our next steps...” as all in attendance began to nod, Leo checked his phone from a number he didn’t recognise. It was strange that someone would leave him a voicemail - “Excuse me...” his brow raised in question, “Sorry...” he began to listen to the recording and his heart immediately dropped as he heard Jimena and the screaming. Leo’s eyes widened in terror as he jumped immediately from his seat running out of the room. Liam and Drake looked at one another before scrambling out of the room, running after Leo, “Wait... wait!!” Liam pulled Leo back as he fought the strain, “Woah big guy...” Drake‘a eyes darted between Leo and Liam, “What’s happened?! What’s going on?” Leo’s nostrils began to flare, his eyes darkened with unadulterated rage, “Barthelemy is at the Palace... Bella... the Kids!!” Leo struggled with Liam as he angrily pulled back, “Get off of me! I need to get back!” Drake and Liam knowingly looked at one another, “There is no way you’re going alone! Let’s get the guards and the jets ready...” Leo nodded, “There’s no time to lose...” as his jaw clenched the King of Laurentia roared, “I am going to rip him limb from fucking limb... he’ll regret he was ever fucking born!”

[rahabs]

How are you staying active during quarantine? I just tipped into 180lbs, highest I've ever been, and I'm getting really depressed about it 😔 I've only gained about 7-8 pounds due to the quarantine, but back in January I was at 163, and I'm really struggling with the fact that I'm back up again after how hard I've been working. It feel like I can't get the weight to stay off, now esp. (Sorry for the mini rant, but I actually followed you Bc of your fitness posts, I appreciate them a lot

Many hugs to you, Anon, and there is no need to apologise 🖤  You are definitely not alone.  I have also been struggling a lot with my weight recently (I have deliberately been putting on muscle, about 25lbs of it, but it is still a struggle to do so and to feel sometimes like my work getting down from 210lbs is being reversed--I am up to 145-150lbs myself, even though I still fit most all of my clothes from when I was 122lbs), but please do not be too hard on yourself!  Some of that weight gain might be muscle, but I understand how frustrating and demoralising it can be nonetheless, I really do.  Like... I really, really cannot emphasise enough how much I understand and how much I get what you’re going through right now, and I wish with all my heart that you weren’t going through it, because it hurts and it makes you just feel awful and so I am really and truly wishing you all the best right now, but also I have the utmost faith in you and despite the setback it is nothing that you cannot fix going forward 🖤

To answer your question, I’ve been doing a mix of things, but the two biggest things for me are that I built myself a routine, and I try to just walk everywhere that I can.  Also, I track in an app called MyFitnessPal, because I need to hold myself accountable.  The gyms in my city have recently opened back up and I have usually been going five times a week (reduced capacity and you can only go for an hour, but I use every second of that hour because cardio is how I best manage OCD/PTSD/anxiety, and I love love love seeing some beloved familiar strangers at the gym--we all wave happily to each other, since we tend to book the same time slots 🖤), but before they opened up my biggest friend was just walking.  I have a lot of joint issues due to my improperly healed torn hip flexor and my former obesity, so I can’t run, but you don’t need to run.  Walking is your best friend.  Or even household chores.  I used to work for a landscaping company, so when I can I will help with the yardwork (even though I dislike it--I try to find ways to make it more fun, and I genuinely enjoy being out in the sun, so there’s that at least).  I make sure things stay tidy, I’ve been writing a lot and trying to see friends when I can, or get out to hike in the mountains.  If I go grocery shopping and I’m waiting in a line, sometimes I’ll lazily bicep-curl my grocery bags.  I’ll walk to the mailbox, I’ll walk through the neighbourhood, I’ll walk to the grocery store or to the nearest gas station.  My dogs are old so I cannot walk them anymore, especially since we are under a heat wave, but I’ll get up and play with them.  Bottom line: if I could find somewhere to walk and an excuse to walk there, I would.  When I couldn’t, I would sit down and exercise by following my favourite home workout YouTube channel.  (Seriously, she is amazing; I’ve followed her for years, since her channel was just starting out.  I just got a half-sleeve tattoo and cannot use a lot of gym equipment at the moment so I have gone back to her videos, as she provides a lot of modifications and alternatives and just so many good at-home exercises that you don’t need any fancy equipment for.)

The routine is the most important part, though.  I need structure, and if I have structure I find that I am less likely to binge, because my brain won’t freak out as much (whether out of boredom or something else).

You might know this already but I’m a (recovering) binge-eater and I also eat when bored or stressed, so I’ve just been trying to occupy myself with things other than food.  I had a really bad spot for awhile where I was doing really, really poorly in that department an binged every day, but I finally put my foot down last week and this is the longest that I’ve been binge-free in months.  I also have BDD, which I am working on (hard going when my attempts to ask the people around me for help often fall on deaf ears).

I think it’s important to realise that fitness and weight loss isn’t always linear.  There will be times where you falter and stumble and when that happens it’s important not to punish yourself--instead just accept and acknowledge that it’s happened and adapt for the future.  Like a little AAA battery!  Bodies are also weird, and sometimes they react to things strangely.  I’m not a professional in any way, but since working to put on some muscle I have noticed that women’s bodies at least like... they are strange things sometimes.   And I know it sounds weird, but try not to put too much emphasis on a number on the scale.  I’m not saying “get rid of the scale!” or “smash the scale!” or anything silly like that because I think to some people having the scale is really important, so long as it doesn’t become something obsessive you fixate on (I have severe OCD, professionally diagnosed, so easier said than done, but it’s doable by adding it to the routine and picking one day a week where I check in), but make sure it doesn’t become a focal point of your weight loss.

Instead, just notice how your clothes are fitting.  If you have body tape, you can use that too.  Pick a favourite pair of jeans and just see how they fit over time, or a favourite bra, or something that doesn’t stretch as easily as yoga pants.  Again, some of your recent weight gain might actually be muscle mass, especially if you aren’t noticing a lot of change in how your clothes from January fit.  When I first hit 145lbs when I was first losing the weight, I didn’t look like I do at my current 145-150lbs, after having got down to 120 and then making the decision to put some muscle back on.  Save for some jean shorts that I bought at my lowest weight, because I build thick muscles in my thighs, I still fit all the clothes I bought and wore at 120lbs--including my fitted dresses, my Stampede jeans, most of my bras, and the pair of “check Lulus” I bought because those things are without mercy.  I also have a couple really good friends I check in with who know me and who I can trust to tell me the truth when I cannot perceive it myself.  And, when I’m being honest with it (which I am trying really hard to be again), I have MyFitnessPal, which has been with me through thick and thin.

If you can, I would recommend a good fitness tracker, too.  Fitbit is really good and user-friendly.  I have a Garmin now, because Fitbit doesn’t make adult watches or watch bands small enough for my ridiculous baby bird wrists, but I had my Fitbit for years before that and it saw me through the vast majority of my weight loss/fitness quest.  It can be very helpful to just help you gauge where you are; most people grossly overestimate how active they actually are, and if you’re up for it, a tracker can be helpful in giving you empirical data from which you can base some better decisions around.

And just do you best to stay active.   I do not know if you have any gyms where you live or if they’re open, but I would really recommend getting a membership, though I totally understand that gyms are not for everyone.  If not, I really do recommend checking out that youtube channel I linked (Koboko Fitness), and just doing your best to walk wherever there’s the option to walk (and it won’t cause undue hardship/pain/etc).  Lift some boxes around the house.  Turn doing the dishes into a stretching exercise.  If you’re familiar with yoga, do yoga (I do not because I am not familiar with it and it can be dangerous to people like me with joint issues to start if you don’t have anyone around who can tell you if you’re doing it right, but my younger sister is working on a cert and she does yoga daily, even with the baby bump).  Many gyms are offering online classes right now too, including the gyms I go to (GoodLife Fitness in Canada), so they can be worth checking out too!

But also just know you’re not in that boat alone.  Many people are struggling right now, including myself, so if you ever need to chat my inbox and my DMs are always open (and I can toss my Discord handle out too if that helps), because a support system can really make all the difference.  I never had one for the longest time, and so when I fell back on old, bad habits it took me awhile to pull myself out of it (again).  I really can talk about this forever but I will stop myself now because I am a chatty cathy but!  Please feel free to send messages whenever you want, Anon, and please be kind to yourself!  I know it’s scary and I know it’s disappointing because I have been there many a time but you can do this, I believe in you!  You’ve had a setback but it isn’t anything that can’t be fixed/corrected and I have faith that you will be able to get back on the proverbial horse and mow down Alexander’s armies in a way that would make the Achaemenids proud 🖤 I hope this helped in some way and that I was able to answer your question!

[theangrypokemaniac]

Since I rant enough about the wizening Ma and Pa received in Sinnoh it's only right to wreak bloody rhetorical vengeance elsewhere:

However harsh it may be, I'm glad Takeshi Shudo isn't alive to witness the hateful desecration of his legacy.

...

In a universe where no one's allowed to age, why are the modern Jessie and James so withered and decrepit?

Dragon Ball has been on for more than three decades. Its stars were permitted to grow up, because the head can cope with the opportunities this offers.

Yet Goku, Krillin, Bulma et al bear a greater similarity to their younger selves than these gurning invertebrates do to Team Rocket, wearing a papery approximation of their skin.

Akira Toriyama is actually concerned about his life's work, still coming up with interesting concepts, brand-new characters, and most importantly, values his audience by keeping to the established canon.

If a Dragon Ball fan reads this, I am so jealous of you.

Consider yourselves fortunate not to have seen the thing you loved the most pulverised and the resulting glutinous mass moulded back into makeshift sloppy cadavers.

Look at the state of that man! That's a good picture these days!

Why have the eyelid lines turned into upside down bags?

And why has she collected her lashes for this particular screen shot?

On eyes with a strangely feline slant...

Has she had a face lift?

Get yer money back on that one, love.

And why has he marks under his eyes and round his flapping gob to add the hint of exhaustion?

And why don't her lips reach the edge of her mouth anymore?

And why must he display Beaver Toof, as if he's only got six pegs left?

Giving it to him but not her implies she's lost the lot, needing to gum objects for a result.

And why do her low-slung ears consist only of lobe?

And why can you see his featureless lugs? Why does his barnet stand outwards in tentacles like he's taken to wearing a floppy Starmie?

What's that's meant to be, purple dreadlocks?

And why is her hairline curved and absolutely straight, like a bad wig, apart from the perfunctory bits to the side, which I guarantee won't alter their position throughout the run?

Hair used to move about, now by law there's a set pattern which cannot change. Stamp that life out immediately.

And what's that flaccid growth between his weary peepers? Is that meant to be fringe?

PFFFT!!!

And why are her digits just as thick and oblong as his?

It ain't fingers. It's trotters.

And why's he got a back to his throat, but she hasn't?

And why are we forced to witness it? You can see all the way to his dangler!

The great gaping pink cave looks like the end of Looney Tunes when Porky Pig pops up and stammers: "That's all folks!"

Remember a lack of Beaver Toof? And triangular mouths?

Remember when Meowth was a cheeky, spirited little cat, not a middle-aged human midget, an emaciated wreck bored of it all?

Remember when it wasn't deemed necessary to expose us to internal organs?

And when James was a handsome, hysterically camp dandy, not a creepy, snot-ridden science dweeb?

And when Jessie was a beautiful, stylish young girl, hot-tempered but loyal, not a sullen, cold, reptilian, Botoxed-to-the-gills gorgon?

Remember when Team Rocket were fun? And attractive?

Remember when they had joy in their hearts in spite of their poverty? And vim? And hope?

Remember them acting with flair and imagination?

Remember when their schemes had variety?

Remember when they had more than a single disguise per era?

Remember when they had many occupations? And were good at them?

Remember when they'd have a go at everything and weren't reduced to flipping condemned meat in a grotty burger van FOR THREE YEARS?!

Remember when those in charge didn't despise them, when they got happy endings?

Remember split screens? And face faults? And background tones? And purple streaks down your cheeks?

Remember big, bright open eyes, not shrunken, sagging and empty holes afflicted by glaucoma?

Remember when Jessie had eyelashes?

Remember when Pokémon was an anime?

And when James had a fringe, not a bent swelling like a balloon animal?

And when the artist could be arsed to draw Meowth's Charm properly?

Remember when the voices weren't nails down a blackboard?

When Meowth didn't sound like a wedge of coal grinding beneath an oil-deprived door?

When Jessie's dulcet tones had a wider range that just screechy, and weren't reminiscent of a cacophonous banshee clawing her way from a bog, using her own mug as a shovel?

When James speaking didn't suggest he was at best, suffering sinus difficulties, and at worst, constantly battling to swallow his own sick from looking at her?

Mind you, I'm grateful the 4Kids cast are no longer here. They deserve better, and their presence would only validate the crude bastardisations.

Every time the guttural howls reach my poor ears a chill runs through my system, and reminds me of The Pokémon Company sacking the real dub crew in preference for a job done on the cheap.

Remember speed lines? And Pokéball-throwing animation?

Remember a new motto performance in each installment, not the same stock footage reused again and again?

Remember when it rhymed?

It shows.

Remember remembering it?

Remember when Team Rocket would walk down the street in their uniforms and no one took a blind bit of notice despite the organisation operating there?

And they didn't fanny about in one scabby polyester costume every minute they were travelling, even when NO ONE KNOWS WHO THEY ARE?

Since Unova, whilst confronting Ash and this era's soon-to-be-forgotten companions, you get this exchange:

Moron-Of-The-Week: "Who are Team Rocket?"

Ash: "They're bad guys who steal other people's Pokémon."

EVERY SINGLE BLOODY TIME!!!

WORD-FOR-WORD IDENTICAL!!!

The writers have such deep appreciation for their work they're sending in cut-and-paste scripts.

Remember blasting off when something blew up, not an explosion from nowhere, or giving it the slip with a jet pack, or abduction by a Care Bear?

Remember when the eyebrows matched the hair?

Remember when he wore it long?

Remember blue shock? And sweat drop? And hammerspace? And comedy violence?

Remember her jagged hairline? And it being RED!!!

Remember proper highlights to it, rather than the odd white lump now and again, as if sweating like a pig, or their heads are infested with giant space ticks?

Remember when they were in all the episodes? And were main characters? And on the introduction sequence?

Remember when Jessie and James used to hug? And hold hands?

And bicker as only a couple can, but you knew they'd never cope alone?

Remember when they'd fly into each other's arms under the flimsiest pretext?

Remember when they meant more to one another than just being a pair of unconnected and disembodied wraiths coincidentally walking down the same road?

And they had more than civil interactions?

Remember when she loved him as much as he loved her?

And no one else could ever take his place?

And canon wasn't infected with the ruinous depiction of her as a hard, heartless bitch barely tolerating him until someone 'better' came along, at which point she'd fuck off without a backwards glance?

'Better', as in a scabby, satchel-mouthed, gormless cretin, just to add surly insult to merciless injury.

Never has such a life-long and hardcore defender of the faith flipped into an ardent Rumishipper as I did after that episode, once I'd swept up the fragments of my soul.

Remember when they were sympathetic?

Remember when they showed human warmth?

Remember when they cared about each other?

Remember when they weren't just a jangling, distorted mess of half-recollected traits?

Remember when they weren't really evil?

Remember Rocketshipping? That was a thing once, believe it or not.

Remember when they had a conscience?

Remember when actually wicked characters turned up, and Team Rocket ALWAYS sided with Ash, rather than the nauseating spectacle of suddenly being best buds with the Boss?

Remember when they had contact with the Twerps?

Remember when Team Rocket and the Twerps loved each other in secret and would endanger themselves to save their 'enemies'?

Everything that was once good and winning about them was sucked out, degree by degree, to leave the corpse, hollow and dead, strung up on wires as a grim marionette.

I'm sure most who see this will vehemently disagree, that I'm completely wrong, that THEY like them.

Yes, you like this three, but you don't like Team Rocket. This is not them. You have yours, and I have mine, but let's not pretend they are the same.

Why, if there is no difference, would I be so hostile, when they meant so much too me?

Did you ever wonder where the original fans went, why they all departed en masse? It's not because they 'moved on' or 'matured'.

They didn't leave Pokémon. Pokémon left them.

As the makers rely so heavily on repetition (sorry, nostalgia) they arrogantly expect us to still be here, having blithely welcomed our memories minced and our canon ripped up or ripped off, apparently.

We're intended to put up with watching them lay waste to ťhe series's body, clinging on for when a rotting bone is pulled up now and again and waved at us, before they chuck it aside to continue the dismemberment.

It's been eaten from the inside out, explaining the facial collapse. Behold the beauty on show:

You see what I mean, don't you?

Don't you? No, because otherwise you'd say the same.

How anyone feels able to describe three deformed freaks as 'hot' or 'cute' I will never comprehend.

The uniform collar protrudes like a solid pipe, emphasising the pencil necks.

It gives the impression of wrinkled, leathery tortoises peering out of their shells to secure a tasty lettuce treat.

Is that pretty? No.

Is it so surprising I don't care for my favourites to resemble melted waxwork skeletons of their own dæmonic counterparts?

S&M is a most fitting name, for this is torture.

In the film Death Becomes Her, Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn vie for the attention of Bruce Willis, both taking a serum giving everlasting youth and slimness.

The catch is it confers immortality, but not invulnerability, so when pushed down the stairs Meryl survives but is dead, her neck broken, thus she's zipped up in the morgue fridge.

When Goldie is shot with a canon she too rises, internal organs blown out.

The rest of the adventure involves the pair losing the war against time, patching up and painting over peeling grey skin, holding onto loose limbs as their bodies fall apart.

This obviously is the case here. The trio lapped the potion up at the close of Sinnoh, experienced a fatal accident and are now steadily crumbling to mush before us.

According to grave-diggers the head always goes first, so there you are then.

I have a suspicion that Giovanni lured all three to his crypt, experimenting on them to engineer his ultimate super soldier, which explains their flat, plastic appearance. Those since Unova began are the cyborgs, the real ones locked in his cellar.

You may notice I have about the lowest opinion possible of the current writing team, as they deserve.

Why should I have any respect for vindictive halfwits like this, who hate Team Rocket so much they're going out of their way to distort and uglify them, expressing the resentment in celluloid?

Jessie, James and Meowth lost their only defender in Takeshi Shudo. From that point they descended from loveable, hapless tragic figures to self-parodies (Hoenn) whiney, irritating divs dumping one another at every interval (Sinnoh), robotic, amoral scum (Unova and Kalos) and now physically repulsive minor additions (Alola and Galar). Is that trajectory all accidental?

It not that it's a new 'style' (for want of a better word), as were that the case, this hideousness would apply to the entire cast, but it's only done to Team Rocket. How could that be unless motivated by malice?

Given the sub thesps are obliged to prostrate themselves in the dust, begging fans to make their appreciation known, it smacks of desperation.

They wouldn't need to ask that were the trio treated as an integral component. They must sense the objections and are thus drumming up support to avoid the dole queue.

Are those in charge so resentful of their presence it manifests in mutilating them, keen to do anything that may alienate the fanbase, so at the first sign of a dip in popularity they can leap upon it as the perfect excuse to write Team Rocket out?

Why be surprised? These are imbeciles who reject their own canon at the close of every generation, so why care about someone else's?

If people have to harangue the writers with grovelling praise of their retcons, rehashes and all-round twatting about, butter 'em up sufficiently, with the implied threat of deserting the franchise should Team Rocket be ejected, taking their purses too, all so the smug, avaricious berks deign to put the trio in the next generation, that proves they don't want them, so how can what they write for their characters be objectively of any worth?

Team Rocket would've departed by now, were there not a palpable worry their absence might ring the death knell of the whole thing, turning off the financial tap, which is what matters.

Therefore they are retained, grudgingly, and only so long as the clamour continues at its current decibel level. If that drops it's over, and don't expect a romantic resolution. Why should pleasing you be a concern when you're to leave with them?

Ask yourself: how much of your devotion is based on what they are right now, and how much is from who they used to be?

How long can they live off past glories?

The offences done in Unova and Kalos were bad enough, but remarkably Game Freak found further depths to plumb, therefore it can only get worse.

I have of course retained the loveliest for last:

Be still, my beating heart.

No, really, be still. Stop infact. 

Planet of the Apes.

[bucksbisexual]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY LAST ONE OF MY OPINION POSTS HERE GOES EP12:

[breathes in]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i’m so fucking happy with this ending

it’s such a good happy ending this is truly what the gays deserve i’m just happiness in physical form rn

i don’t even know where to start but i’ll try to make this as chronological as my brain allows me because my memory do be sucking

i’m gonna put a keep reading because this shit will get loooooong kjshfkf okay let’s do this

so.. we start with PETE EXPOSING NON(T)’S BRAT ASS!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES THATS MY BABY THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

kao’s mom being a fucking badass and telling her BOSS how to do shit. i love her yall I LOVE HERRRRRRRR

also kao’s mom telling kao that she wasn’t the most amazing person ever was so cute because you can see kao’s light bulb turning on sjfkhsgsh please i love them

yes i will say i love x after every single one of these u can’t stop me

from the teaser i thought kao would dashi run run run to pete’s house but thankfully he took a taxi lmao

at least he didn’t run there because he had to run from pete’s house (or may i say, mansion) to the POOL my man is a whole athlete oh my god

KAO YELLING HE LOVES PETE!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLOSED SPACE WITH PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY HEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABYYYYYYYY

also a beautiful parallel to the scene from ep1 (i noticed there’s a lot of parallels in this episode we stan character development and repeating things just so the viewers can see how consistent the couples are)

the kiss from that scene............... beautiful amazing gorgeous idk many words in english to describe how i felt while watching and how i feel about it

to that i think we cut to sunmork but i don’t remember what happened because of the kiss KJHFKSL SORRY

anygays i rlly like how this whole episode is sun being a clingy bih and mork gay panicking while trying to act like a confident gay when he knows that sun outconfidentgays him i love them lmao

okay after that i think it’s petekao having food with their parents all together and god i looooooove this scene

pete’s dad being the lgbt ally dad all of us lgbt fellas with homo/transphobic dads wish we had will never fail to make me soft i love that man pls be my dad too

also kao’s mom :-(( i love her she respected her son’s decision on not coming out until he was ready even though she already smelled it (reminds me of my mom lmao) and was always there for him even when kao didn’t say anything :-(((((((((((

petekao bickering will never get old i swear i love every time they do because that’s so..... men it makes their characters more real

i know there’s a lot (not that much because i admit this episode was kinda short?? idk maybe it’s just me) between that scene and this one but THE SQUAD EATING ALL TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!! AND THEM TEASING PETEKAO!!!!!! PLEASE I LOVE THEM

pete literally not knowing how to stop the audio and broadcasting live TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY that time when he told kao he loved him through the teddy bear...... peak pete culture

the fact that ppl love them and they have a whole hashtag on twitter makes me soft because usually when someone is famous in bls the fans hate the other part of the couple but in this one??? oh no honey we stan petekao in this household hate is not allowed it’s actually prohibited illegal

okay let me backtrack a bit skjfhsjf

OH YES I FORGOT!!!! manow wanting to talk with mork was so weird when i saw the teaser for the episode but after seeing them talk i was like oooooh okay i understand

sun saying “what’s your girl saying to my boy” is probably one of my favourite lines of this drama KLHSJFLF

rain reading their lips fskjfjsf and when mork said “fuck you rain” HIS FACE SKJFHKSJSLFJ HE WAS SCARED SHITLESS but also the end of this scene was so cute i love these three

i just did a bit of skipping through the episode to try and actual make an order out of this mess and the petekao+parents thing comes now,,,,,, anygaYS

then it’s more teasing between sunmork blah blah

then MORK SPEAKING THE MF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! quoting the actual dialogue “it’s my choice to tell or not tell anyone. i should get to decide”

OUTING SOMEONE ISN’T COOL!!!!!!! IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! NO LGBT PERSON WILL EVER WANT TO BE OUTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain had good intentions but it doesn’t mean that it was right of him to do so

okay this got serious,, sun going to rain’s bed with not one but Two pillows when barely two people fit in that bed.... oh to be that iconic and carelessly gay

back to petekao because we will never get enough of these two (which is why i’ll probably watch the our skyy episode tomorrow just to cry over these fools)

it’s so weird to see tay being like this after watching him being himself in other things like the live lunch and taynew meal date and other things i’ve randomly watched during this week to retain myself from finishing this series in a night ksfjhsfkshlks

also kao helping pete shave and pete being like do u like my moustache or should i shave it for u my lord SFHKFJ the domesticity and just the feeling of two idiots being in love i love them with my whole heart

kao staying at pete’s house because it’s both of their first days as interns and kao!!!!! he works for pete’s dad!!!!!!! pete’s dad accepted him into his company!!!!!! i love them

also the bickering between those three sjfkhs “hello im pete im from thailand” “that’s all you’ll say today” THAT WAS SO FUNNNY SKJFHSKFHSFJSFL

THE MESSAGE IN THE TEDDY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAO CALLING PETE LOVE PLEASE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE THESE FOOLS

okay so the squad eating together is right after this but i already talked about it ksjfhsfh next!!

idk if it’s a big time skip or a small one but guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANOW AND RAIN ARE DATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY STRAIGHT BABIES YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAA

manow is so pretty and rain is so cute they’re both so lucky my bisexual ass is crying

pete being “angry” at kao being so handsome,,, a mood

but also.. pete being possessive was h*t

there i said it and i don’t regret it

random but i will miss kao’s annoying ass saying “about aboyz” sjfkhsfh

pete being like “i will have to give u more love bites (ffs gmmtv just say hickies we are all at an age where we know what love bites are) so no one flirts with u” and kao being like “bitch try me” sjfhksfj i’m loving bratty kao

also that scene turned into furry kao real quick KJHDKJFSHJF

okay now it’s: mork’s birthday party time!!

rain and manow arrive first and are the cutest couple around because the two main gays haven’t arrived yet (being gay AND punctual? not possible)

sun and rain fighting in the kitchen was peak siblings culture skfhksjf

mork being ready to leave his own birthday party with a stranger who also plays pokemon go just to have a battle................ dumbass bisexual energy

said stranger is eARN FROM 2GETHER!!!!!! FILM IS IN THIS TOO!!!!!!!! first the girl who plays yuri in yyy and now film who plays earn in 2gether is here too??? damn wlw keep winning (also headcanon: theyre dating/seeing each other because LESBIANS periodt)

okay petekao arrive and wont u guess whats their present for mork,,,,,, the mf TEDDY BEAR and kao rlly says that they should use it since theyre so lip sealed lmao

rain and manow literally gave mork a present not for him but for sun im- i love these two

MORK FINALLY SAID YES TO BEING BOYFRIENDS OH MY GOD DUDE U ACTUALLY HAD ME WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC

also sun being a whole koala and being a horny bitch is so funny sfhskfjskl my man has his priorities set

their last scene is so cute :-(( poor rain will have to live with this until he moves out sjfhksjf

oh boi the ending is near hhhhhhh

kao teaching his class an equation that ends up in i < 3 u is the most kao thing i’ve ever seen

also kAO IS BOOKED AND BUSY BABYYYYYYYYYY GET THOSE COINS HONEY

pete being like “u haven’t spent enough time with me lately >:-(” was cute jhkfjs my man is needy of kao and i understand that because have u seen kao? exactly

kao teasing him with not having forgotten the cup this time and pete being his possessive self was.. splendid

every reference to something that happened with non(t) hurts but also i love how they just tease each other because they know that now their relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and that nothing and no one will come between them

the scenes they show during the last last scenes :-((( BOYFIES!!!!!!

and i love how they decided to end the show with them holding hands in public

i would explain why i do but it’s 6:26 am and i’ve been writing this for at least half an hour already and my laptop is heating up a lot and im sweating because it’s hot in here so get down on the floor pipiipipipipipipi

kdjhkdfhs sorry im not sleepy this is just my brain without a filter it’s just gay shit and a big repertoire of songs

god okay that was my opinion on the last episode of dark blue kiss...........

needless to say that i will eat every bit of content related to petekao after this because writing this i already miss them and i can’t wait to watch our skyy tomorrow idk where but i will

i really really REALLY liked this drama and it’s one of the two bl dramas (not counting the untamed) i’ve given a full 10/10 rating on mdl because it’s THAT good

everything about this drama is just.. chef’s kiss i love it i will probably rewatch it when my plan to watch is empty but it’s a pretty long list so.. hopefully i’ll ignore that and just rewatch sjkfhslf

i’ll of course watch kiss and kiss me again just for the petekao, the squad and rain scrumbs because i’m sure that the petekao compilations don’t show everything

but yeah im just.. i love this show it’s been a rlly long time since i started writing this but i’m still happy because it’s so good and truly gave us a good happy ending and i swear i cannot emphasise enough how important good happy endings in lgbt media are!!!!!!!!!!

anygays im hungry and ready to submerge myself in the dbk tags, see u all tomorrow for my our skyy petekao episode version of this,,,,,

till then, stay safe ! bYE

[andthentimestops]

“to love something that cannot love in return” [Captain Allen X Android!Reader] (part 8)

A/N: OOF sorry this took so long!!  — Tags: @gespirida @blu42nj @sternenreigen @sethrine-imagines @yallgotkik @doot-doot-doottt @catwoo @nikkidawnlight @captain-winter-wolf-aehs @deviantprescott @sadmine @aeryntheofficial @wayablack @lionhearted-soldier  @qtmeryr @heartsarecompatible @connorshero @ev3e @liveloveandbekind

@omi-writings @dreaming-of-illusory-flowers — You wanted to like Sierra Thompson. You really did. But she made it incredibly difficult to do so. To put it simply, her only redeeming quality was how conventionally attractive she was.

Even before the both of you even had time to respond to her shouting out Captain Allen’s name, she’d already ripped you away from his side and filled the spot. She clung onto his arm like she was a woman dying of dehydration while he was a large glass of cold water.

“David! It’s been so long! How’ve you been?” Sierra asked as she fluttered her eyelashes while gazing up at him in a loving manner.

“I... um...” Captain Allen’s eyes flickered over to you.

He seemed nervous.

So were you.

You don’t seem to want her here... so why aren’t you telling her to leave? You thought as you cursed the fact that you couldn’t wirelessly speak to him, to ask him why he was allowing that woman to basically grind against his arm. You wanted nothing more than to tear her away from Captain Allen since he didn’t seem to be doing anything. 

Sierra turned to look at you and you swore you saw a scowl flash across her unfortunately very attractive face. She released your soulmate’s arm from her clutches and faced you before smiling widely.

“Hi, there! You must be David’s friend—“ She froze, her eyes widened as her mouth formed an exaggerated ‘O’ shape. “Oh! No, wait, you can’t be, though...” Sierra mumbled to herself, though you weren’t sure if she meant for it to be subtle since her voice barely softened at all. She whipped around to face David Allen once again.

You looked at him as well. His eyes were glued to his feet.

Why aren’t you doing anything?

“You got yourself an android?!” The woman laughed shrilly before she wiped away a tear you were very sure didn’t exist. “I thought you fucking hated those overrated robots?”

Captain Allen’s head shot up and for a second you felt a tinge of hope. You waited for him to defend you and your people; to tell Sierra to fuck off; to grab your hand and drag you back him, leaving her in the dust like in some of those romance movies Connor made you watch with him.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he remained silent. His lack of a response was all Sierra needed to confirm her suspicions.

You glared at him as you ground your teeth. You were _feeling_ so much you weren’t sure your body could take it. You could hear the loud whirring of your LED in your head as it undoubtedly blared a bright yellow. You felt angry and frustrated but worst of all, you felt... betrayed.

“Oh, David,” she cooed and pouted as she ran her hand down his arm. “I never knew you could stoop so low.” She shot you a look of distaste over her shoulder, clearly not having to worry about showing how much she disliked you and hurting your feelings anymore since you were just an android. “Is it a sex android? I hear those are really popular nowadays,” Sierra scoffed.

“Sierra—“ Captain Allen started. His jaw had tightened as he clenched his fists. It was obvious that he wasn’t very pleased with what she said but yet he allowed himself to be interrupted.

“Y’know if you’re really that lonely, you could’ve given me a call,” Sierra said casually as one hand reached for another. Without breaking eye contact with your soulmate, she removed a silver band from her ring finger. “The hubby won’t know,” she added in a whisper.

“Sierra. Stop—” Captain Allen warned, his voice was firmer and his shoulders were tense now but still, he didn’t try to stop her when she interrupted him for the second time.

Why are you so afraid? I thought you were brave.

“It’s getting warm out here,” she fanned herself with her hand. “Let’s go back to your place, shall we?”

Once again, he said nothing which was all the affirmation Sierra needed to begin walking towards his home. Before she sashayed far enough though, she turned back to you and held her handbag out.

“Hold this.”

You bit your tongue, every synthetic cell in your body was telling you to grab the stupid overpriced designer product and shove it down her oesophagus. But before you could execute your plan, your mind wandered back to the man standing behind you. Something told you Captain Allen wouldn’t hesitate to incapacitate you if you assaulted Sierra in front of him.

Thus, you simply glared at the woman. She shook the bag as if trying to emphasise her instructions and huffed when you refused to take it.

“You should really buy a new one, David,” she commented snarkily before turning her back to you. “This one seems faulty.”

You watched as she walked down the sidewalk towards his home. The sound of her heels clicking against the concrete ground felt like your audio processors were being torn out of your head.

“(Y/N)...” Captain Allen finally acknowledged your presence. Under any under circumstances you would’ve happily turned around and jumped straight into his arms but your heart felt too heavy. You couldn’t even move.

“(Y/N).” He repeated and this time you felt his hands grab your shoulders gently. In any other scenario, his touch would’ve made your heart skip a beat. Although your heart was indeed pounding in your chest wildly, it wasn’t from excitement or any form of happiness. You were enraged.

Before he could turn you around himself, you whipped around on your own volition. Your eyes met his instantly. They looked pained and sad; so much so that you almost felt sympathetic. Almost.

“Don’t just stare at me like that, (Y/N),” he begged as he gazed pitifully at you while you glared back at him. “Say something… please.”

Part of you wanted to give him a piece of your mind. To yell and scream and punch his stupid face in a fit of rage and betrayal. Another part of you just wanted to say nothing and leave; to just walk away and never see him again; to quit working at the DPD and move to another country or something.

A small part of you wanted to hug him; to go home with him and just endure Sierra’s bullshit before returning back to your normal lives as though nothing ever happened; your normal lives which had been nicely intertwined up until this moment when he betrayed your trust.

No. You thought. I won’t be able to live with myself if I let this go so easily.

“I just thought... we had something,” was what you ended up saying. Your voice was calm and steady but also softer than usual; it was a stark contrast to the pure rage Captain Allen could see burning behind your eyes. To be honest, it was slightly terrifying to him.

“We do have something,” the man before you replied with no hesitation.

A humourless chuckle slipped past your lips. “You say that just like that—“ you snapped your fingers “— why couldn’t you defend me that quickly when Sierra was being such a… such a…”

“I wanted to,” your soulmate’s hands darted out to grab yours but you were quicker and took a step backwards, repulsed by the idea of being touched by the man. A wave of satisfaction flows over you when you noticed a hurt expression flash across his face.

That’s how it felt, David. That’s how it fucking felt.

“You wanted to defend me? That’s hilarious,” you hissed. “Why didn’t you, Captain Allen?” You asked a question you already knew the answer to.

He didn’t respond; didn’t even look at you. Instead, his eyes trailed down to his feet as he stared at the ground, speechless. It was hard for you to believe that this was David Allen in front of you. The man who just half an hour ago stormed into his own boss’s office to threaten your harasser was now standing before you like a child who’d just been caught shoplifting.

“You still have feelings for her, don’t you?” You said after it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything. You felt your heart ache like it had never done before but still, you continued to speak. “You couldn’t— can’t hurt her feelings because you still care about her so you stayed quiet and let her have her way."

The man remained silent; much like he did just moments ago when Sierra spoke about you as if you were dirt underneath her shoes.

The silence was loud; deafening, almost. You wanted so badly for him to deny your accusations but you knew he wouldn’t because if he did, he would be lying and Captain Allen was never one to lie.

You tapped his chin with your index finger, a silent plea for him to look at you. When his blue eyes met yours, you felt your sting in your aching heart. Your soulmate looked nervous and frightened; not of you, obviously, but rather of what you were most certainly going to say next.

“You have to choose eventually. You know that right?” You whispered with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. It reminded him of the way you smiled at him the morning after he’d broken your heart for the first time.

Yet again, he refused to speak.

“I don’t think I ever told you but,” you took another step backwards, “you have a nice voice. Use it when you give me a call to tell me the decision you make.”

You flashed him another smile before turning around but before you could do a full 180. Captain Allen did something you honestly weren’t expecting.

He spoke.

“You’re not coming home?”

“What’re you talking about, silly?” You replied without looking at him, instead you opted to turn around fully so that your back was facing him. "I’m heading back to Hank’s place. I am going home.” — Soon, everything turned dark with only a few streetlights to illuminate your way. You’d been walking for hours now, just mindlessly following the sidewalk to god-knows-where. You hoped that some idle strolling would provide you with some time to think, and it did, except all you thought about was your soulmate.

You wondered what he was doing. If Sierra was still in his home. If he’d ever invited her in in the first place. You recalled the incident over and over again for no apparent reason other than you felt like you had to. You imagined what you’d do if he chose her instead of you; if he called you the next morning just to tell you that he didn’t want you anymore, that your months of being together was worth nothing compared to what he had with Sierra.

You ran your fingers over your forearm repetitively without even realising. You couldn’t feel the words since they were in your skin but at the same time, you could feel every letter burn mercilessly. You felt like just digging your fingers into your chassis and ripping the synthetic skin right off your arm but decided against it, realising that it wasn’t worth losing a limb for someone who didn’t care.

Soon, your mindless walking turned into a purposeful one as you found yourself entering Hank’s neighbourhood. You hadn’t told anyone you were returning tonight so hopefully, either Hank or Connor was home to let you in. Briefly forgetting about Captain Allen, you wondered about the other men, and dog, in your life instead; you wondered how they were doing, if they missed you, if—

You felt a sharp tube get jabbed into your neck before a liquid was pumped into your thirium stream.

Gasping, you whipped around to take down your attacker but almost immediately, you felt your systems shutting down.

Connor! Help! I need1 HE  L P Z;AKT0 saV E M3

Then, you collapsed. — “There’s nothing I can do! We have to bring her to Kamski!”

“We don’t have that much time!”

“We will, trust me!”

The feeling of someone carrying you in their arms. You could feel their heartbeat pounding against their chest. It was Connor’s.

The sound of a car door slamming shut and the ignition being turned on. The sound of wheels against the road’s rough surface. It was Hank’s car.

Shaking.

Were you shaking? Or was it the car…?

“You’re going to be okay, (Y/N).”

His hand touched your forehead. It was comforting.

“Should we call Captain Allen?”

“No!” Funny… that wasn’t Connor’s voice… it was yours. “Don’t… please… don’t wanna see… him.”

Silence.

The sound of the city faded away. It was getting cold.

You shivered.

Cold.

Too cold.

The feeling of a hand on your stomach.

Warm.

“Follow me.” Chloe.

“This is… bizarre.” Kamski.

Then, nothing. — Your eyes shot open as your central processing unit whirled to life. You blinked rapidly as your mind struggled to comprehend what had happened and was happening. You scanned the room to find it completely foreign to you, you began to panic and was about to send out a distress signal when suddenly a hand gently touched your forehead.

“It’s okay, (Y/N), you’re safe.”

You didn’t even need to think before you realised whose voice had just spoken to you. It was the creator of androids himself.

“Connor and the Lieutenant brought you in after they realised you’d been attacked and injected with a dangerous fluid,” he continued, “of course, nobody knew how deadly the unknown substance actually was until we extracted it from your body to create a so-called cure so you’re very lucky they sent you here in time.”

“Where am I?” You asked, hands grabbing your own throat in shock when you heard how staticky your voice sounded.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a… side effect of your healing process.” Kamski gently removed your fingers from your neck. “You’re in my home where the Chloes and I have just purged your system of the substance. We gave you the cure I mentioned earlier but we’re not very sure if it’ll be 100% effective yet so we’ll need to keep you under close observation.”

You nodded slowly before you pushed yourself up into a sitting position. You were glad to notice you weren’t nude though you were in a new set of clothes that fit far better than…

Shaking your head, you pushed any thought of him to the back of your mind; instead, you glanced around the room, taking its pristine walls, furnishing and decor before your eyes landed on Kamski’s. He smiled.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not very good,” you replied, “though I’m not sure if it’s because of what happened or because of… something else.”

He chuckled as a smug look flashed across his face. “Just a guess but could it be... soulmate troubles?”

Your eyes widened as your lips parted, ready to ask how the hell he knew until you felt your forearm tingle.

Oh. He saw.

“It’s fascinating, isn’t it?” Kamski took a step towards you. “I was extremely surprised when I saw it,” he continued as he took your hand in one of his while the other caressed your forearm carefully. His fingers glossed over the words as his eyes scanned them over and over again. Then, he tore his eyes away from your skin to meet your own.

“Magnificent.” He smiled while he looked at you adoringly, his hand never letting go of yours. You felt your face heat up. “You are truly remarkable."

You knew you wanted to; to take out whatever anger and frustration you were feeling on the man who had an interest in you. You could. You definitely could. But…

“This isn’t right,” you whispered, the pounding if your heart was now loud in your ears. “Please, take a step back, Mr Kamski.”

“I can respect that,” the man replied without hesitation before he released your hand from his grasp and did as you told. “Call me Elijah, by the way. There’s no need for formalities here.”

“Alright, Elijah.” You paused, your butt now sitting on the edge of the cold table you’d previously been laying down on. “Where’re Hank and Connor?”

“Outside. I can call them in if you want.”

“I’d like that, thank you.”

You inched forward, your toes wiggling, ready to touch the ground; you felt the edge of the table slide against your bum towards your lower back when suddenly you felt a sharp sting in your head. The pain so unbearably overwhelming that your hands shot up to clench your head as your knees gave out beneath you. You fell forwards, expecting to hit the ground when you felt a pair of arms wrap around you instead. Though you were on the brink of malfunctioning from how severe your agony was, you could sense who was holding you and immediately, you ripped yourself out of his grasp.

“Don’t touch me!” You said, only to realise that you’d actually screamed the words when you noticed everyone in the room wince.

When did th ey co me  i n?

You stumbled against someone else and felt their arms lock around you. This time, you didn’t fight them off, because you didn’t care whoever it was, as long as they weren’t David Allen.

[neverwatchedonepiece]

561-562: "A Massive Confused Fight! The Straw Hats vs. The New Fish Man Pirates!" and "Luffy Loses the Fight?! Hordy's Long Awaited Revenge!"

Show me on the doll where the humans hurt you, Hordy!

Oh, that cliffhanger.

That infuriating and awesome cliffhanger.

The plot’s getting juicy now. Hordy Jones has a secret identity! I’m guessing this is what you guys were referring to in the replies. The flashback Toei added of Hordy witnessing a kidnapping probably clashes with this big reveal that’s about to go down.

I really wanted to steam ahead and watch 563 but this is the best time to make some predictions, since I’ll probably get answers right away. At least, I’ll get some about Hordy. I have a feeling I’ll have to wait longer to find out what the deal is about Noah. Still won’t stop me making crackpot theories! 

But before the main event...

Back at the Plaza

Ahhh... this is the Sanji I like to see. The guy who is proficient in all forms of roasting. You’ve got to admit, he gets some good lines. “You damned steamed bun bastard!” Who taught you to roast like that, Sanji? Do all chefs aspire to achieve Gordon Ramsey levels of withering put downs?

I suppose that’s what you get if you take Nami down with an accidental wind blast.

Well, that’s what you get from Sanji. What you get from Nami is repeatedly struck by lightning with her Black Ball trick. But it’s not a trick! She is not a magician. Definitely not. Her techniques are based on science. (Yet another reason to like Nami right there!)

Of course, Zeo, being the brains of the outfit noticed Nami is Sanji’s weak link. He teamed up with Ikaros (the squid guy) to ambush her. Zeo used his camoflage to grip Nami’s feet. When Ikaros came screaming up with a spear, she couldn’t move. She called for help.

Brook was closest. He stepped between Nami and the spear and took the hit.

There was an instant pantsu moment. This confused Ikaros. Whose side was this guy on? Oh, well. Best not worry. Get down to stabbing. Ikaros jabbed Brook several times with his desiccating spear. Incredibly, Ikaros wondered why his spear didn’t work on an Obvious Skeleton. (Maybe he should have taken some of those classes Otohime was running back in the day). 

“I’m pretty dried up already,” Brook explained (if the skeletal features weren’t a big enough clue). “No, really, it’s a long story. About fifty years ago---”

Brook was so ready to tell his entire story to this random Fishman goon who wanted to kill him. Then Iron Franky stomped over and lamped Ikaros in the face. xD

Bemused, Brook looked around the battlefield. A fodder goon coughed politely. “Um, you should maybe watch your feet.”

He’d freaking stepped on Zeo’s face!

The best part? Zeo spun it as a TOTALLY DELIBERATE MOVE. “Ahaha, skeleton! How did you like taking a headbutt to the bottom of your foot? The pain should be with you momentarily.”

Brook, who was probably deeply confused by this point, reverted to politeness. “I’m sorry I stepped on your face!”

Honestly, Brook is hilarious. That whole scene was golden.

Honourable mention must also go to Usopp and Chopper’s teamwork against Daruma (I remembered his name!) and the Big Guy. Their battle experience really showed here. Usopp remembered fighting Mr 4 in Alabasta (the mole one who could dig). Together, they schemed to connect all the tunnels Daruma chewed out. Once Chopper was done, Usopp fired a massive bomb down the connected network and blew that little ratbag into the sky.

That was a good moment. I’ve always liked Usopp’s clever, tactical way of fighting.

Unfortunately, now they’re on the ropes, Hordy’s Head Goons reached for their Roids. I guess the tables will turn on the Strawhats for a while. You know, because a ship of apocalyptic scale falling on top of the island isn’t tense enough. xD

I’m Free.. Free Fallin’

After Hordy put Decken out of commission, Shirahoshi’s brothers finally realised that... hey, maybe swimming directly above the island wasn’t such a good idea. Not quite sure how they found out Hordy had speared Decken. I assume it happened on the deck and they saw the deed done.

Hordy gloated, as per. “Fishman Island will fall and I’ll make sure all your friends die, Strawhat!” Of course, what he should have been doing was watching everyone else. While he gloated, the brothers got the message to Shirahoshi. She swam off to the side. Hordy knew he’d screwed up, so he pursued her. Luffy tried to grab him, but his Devil Fruit powers weakened in water. 

What Hordy also should have been doing was ensuring Decken was dead.

I’m still not convinced Decken is down. I’d actually like him to contribue to Hordy’s downfall. Not because I want to see him redeemed, or anything. Just because it would be more humiliating to Hordy.

At Least He’s Found Another Focus?

The good news, at least, is that Decken touched Hordy Jones with his left hand. Shirahoshi is still marked by his right hand. I hate admitting this but Decken could still do something to help save Fishman Island (or at least amend his own psychotic screw up).

“I’ll hunt you down to the ends of hell. I’ll drive you down physically and mentally. My axe! Hit Hordy!”

Unfortunately, said axe was too heavy. He couldn’t lift it and blacked out.

Useful. Thanks, Decken, you eternal screw-up.

Of course, Noah immediately began to fall. And what I did notice, even before I watched 562, was that Hordy laughed and yelled, “I WIN!!” Like, mate, you are about to destroy Fishman Island. What the hell are you about? He seemed more interested in himself and his own victories than in his vision of the future of Fishman Island.

There was some interesting comparisons to be made between the princes too. Mamboshi and Ryuboshi, upon realising Decken was down and the Noah would fall, said, “Fishman Island is finished!” They were ready to give up. But not Fukaboshi. “We have to stop this somehow! We must save Fishman Island and the Noah’s purpose that has been protected for hundreds of years. We must save the kingdom at any cost!”

Honestly, if there was an election, my vote would go to Fukaboshi. Or Shirahoshi. They’re both brave, determined and will fight to the bitter end.

The Neptune flashback was interesting. He told his sons about Noah. Apparently, centuries ago, a promise was made to a great man. The Noah was kept on the seafloor until “the appointed day comes”. The ship has not yet served its purpose. Neptune didn’t even know who they managed to make that ship. But it cannot be damaged until that day comes.

First: who is they? Ancient Fishmen, I’m guessing. Second: the great man. I wonder if it’s Joy Boy who was referred to in the poneglyph Robin found? Third: a promise was made to this great man. The poneglyph Robin found was an apology, wasn’t it? Maybe the ship was made as reparation. Forth: the purpose of the ship. What is it? (I still think it’s mass transportation.)

At any rate, Noah is Superrrr Important to Fishmen. Neptune made his sons promise to spare Noah. Luffy, however, isn’t willing to take that risk.

Hordy goaded Luffy. “Were you fooling yourself, Strawhat, when you said you’d protect your crew?”

“I’ll do it!” Luffy yelled. “I’ll break that ship into pieces before it hits!”

Fukaboshi did not like this plan. No, he said. Noah has a long history. Luffy didn’t understand. How could they save the island? Decken, Fukaboshi said. If they woke him up, he could alter Noah’s course. But what if Decken was dead? There was no time! As if to emphasise this, Hordy swam in for an attack. Luffy tanked a bite from his razor sharp jaws. (I actually liked that Luffy’s hardening haki wasn’t strong enough to defend against it. That means there’s something to improve on in future and Luffy isn’t all-powerful just yet!)

Fukaboshi told Luffy to wait. Little did I know, he had hatched a pretty clever plan.

+1 Fukaboshi for Fishman President

When he said he would save Fishman Island and Noah at any cost, he really meant it. He was willing to sacrifice himself to hand Luffy the opportunity to defeat Hordy Jones.

He’d contacted the Air Tank control (I love that that exists) and arranged for them to shoot a massive air bubble at Noah. Of course, it wouldn’t stop Noah falling. It would merely slow it’s progress (ah, the old classic slow fall to earth to give the good guys time to fight back). The exciting downside? They only have one shot, as a bubble that big will take all the air they have in reserve.

While buying time, Fukaboshi engaged Hordy Jones directly. He also asked the questions I wanted to ask, which was nice.

“Hordy, mate, you are making no sense! First, you wanted vengeance against humans for Fishmen, now you’re trying to take those fellow Fishmen’s lives along with the island. You even abandoned the ones you grew up with in Fishman District. Or is your hatred for humans so deep it made you lose your mind? What happened to you?” he yelled. “What did humans do to you?”

Hordy’s mouth stretched in a slow, creepy smile. He said something underwater (all I heard was “blort, blort”) then he stabbed Fukaboshi and tossed him aside like an old glove. Luffy coudn’t take that lying down. He snapped Hordy’s steel fin and punched him in the face. (Nice.)

Of course, Hordy’s pride is like a soft, squidgy little bunny rabbit. Fragile and easily startled. To remedy this, he necked another fistful of Fish Roids. At this point, I’m wondering if the Roids will destroy him before anything else. Is he not dangerously close to overdosing?

The DDM Fukaboshi had given Luffy rang. Air Tank control was ready. Fukaboshi, struggling but alive, also called him. “About Hordy Jones,” he croaked. “I found out who he really is.”

My jaw dropped. I actually WTF’d out loud. Then I grinned because, honestly, that is an excellent cliffhanger. I also have no idea who Hordy Jones really is. Is he an ex-slave of St Myosgard? Is he a descendant of a past royal family who is raging about something? Did he read the poneglyph and despise Joyboy for some reason? Did Joyboy do something to his family?

I honestly don’t know where to begin here. You guys reading the manga at the time must have had a great time coming up with theories. :D

This guy should be in politics. His spin is so tremendous it could knock the Earth out of orbit. 

[idio-cies]

Different Types of Love: Voltron Characters

There are different types of love. (God this is such a cringe-worthy way of approaching this topic.) Anyway... Keith needs to leave himself open for love, Lance wants love and needs to find love in himself, so does Allura in finding her own self-love, there are different types of love and I wanted to point them out with the approaches of the show/show you what's left of characters growth.

I hope people are aware of the different types of love? apparently there was more than I thought. I only knew of 4: Eros, Philia, Agape and Storge, but there's 4 more that are actually relevant. Those are: Pragma, Ludus, Mania and Philautia. They are approached differently though. One I saw said there was 9 different types and another 7, then 5. You get the idea. This 8 made sense to me though.

I'll go through each one and suggest which one goes to where with each pair etc.

So first is the most obvious one: Eros. (Lord help me now) This is obviously the "attractive love". It's passion, desire, sexual. Obviously an intimate relationship requires this. Some other types of love can actually build or turn this type of love into one that goes into another (I'll refer later). I apologise profusely, this is really awkward topic for me, but the others should be fine explaining. Also, this topic is also one you have to walk eggshells on with this fandom in particular. Of course, we all know that Lance ends up with someone, and in the last season this topic was approached sorta (and then with flashbacks in other episodes etc) so it just leaves it open now for this topic to go ahead. In my case, I think this will end up being Klance, but we will see.

Next is Philia: This is friendship. To Greek Gods, this was placed above Eros. This makes sense to me. It's "affectionate" love and also one that puts people as equals. It is platonic, free from sexual tension and is one of loyalty, camaraderie and sacrifice. This one is simple enough, no? It is one the whole team has. It is one that Keith still needs to fully welcome. He had this with Shiro, though it was ever so slightly different because of other things. He also had this with Lance, though (in my opinion and other people’s) may have bordered onto something else. But this is one that Keith has found hard. Though the others have found it a rather easy feat, especially for Lance with Allura after setting aside his pursuit of her. Pidge and Hunk have probably come out with the closest friendship, next in line I think will be Allura and Lance at the end of the day. I personally think that Philia is also just what any sort of loving relationship should have first and foremost.

Storge: This is familial love. It is what a parent feels for their child and the child feels for their parent. It can also be from childhood friends, but can be an obstacle when a family member doesn't agree/support a particular journey. Okay, this should be pretty obvious. What Krolia has for Keith, but is also what needs mending between Keith and Krolia because it is another thing he is learning. I do also think that this is what he feels for Shiro, they have been friends for a long time and Keith has called Shiro his brother, Krolia thanks Shiro for raising Keith, etc etc. I think the fact that Keith's attention is on Shiro and he has just accepted this sort of love, leaves it open and something that Keith is working towards with Krolia. The rest of them though, obviously is shown with Pidge, Matt and Sam, and then the same with Allura for her Father, Coran with his grandfather, Coran with Allura as well. Then of course Lance and his want to be home with his family, and Hunk, though Lance’s is more prominent.

Ludus: right this one, you will not believe. It is "playful love" it can have "a bit of the erotic eros in it"- I have to admit, I laughed when I read it. It is flirting. The source I'm referring to says this "The Greeks thought Ludus was a playful form of love, for example, the affection of young lovers. Ludus is that feeling we have when we go through the early stages of falling in love with someone, e.g. the fluttering heart, flirting, teasing and feelings of euphoria. Playfulness in love is an essential ingredient that is often lost in long-term relationships. Yet, playfulness is one of those secrets to keeping the child-like innocence of your love alive, interesting and exciting" trollolololollllll. Sorry, my little Klance heart <3 Don't get me wrong, playfulness can also be exerted when with friends, but this specifically is all about the beginnings of romantical love, and honestly, Keith has been the one who has shown the "flirting, teasing" and maybe the "feelings of euphoria" with Lance. The places where I'm thinking of "the feelings of euphoria" is in 0302 where he lays on that fond smile at Lance for like, no reason other than it being Lance being a goof and then again in 0306 when he was shocked about Lance saving him. Flirting and teasing is easily seen in 0106 after he gets Blue back, then in 0303 with the "I'm glad we're all making fun of Lance"- It's funny, is all. We have seen Lance flirt but it not going anywhere also, but is something weird with Keith, Lance is just a playful character anyway, but Keith has been the one who specifically has shown those traits in that manner.

Mania: if you couldn't tell by it's title, it's an obsessive kind of love.  Here’s what it says "it occurs when there is an imbalance between Eros and Ludus. To those who experience Mania, love itself is a means of rescuing themselves; a reinforcement of their own value as the sufferer of poor self-esteem. This person wants to love and be loved to find a sense of self-value. Because of this, they can become possessive and jealous lovers, feeling as though they desperately "need" their partners. If the other partner fails to reciprocate with the same kind of Mania love, many issues prevail. This is why Mania can often lead to issues such as codependency." so obviously it hasn't gotten that bad with any character, but this is Lance to a T. Lance wants love and to be loved so he can feel and be of value. That is why Lance has an endgame, though I feel he will find some self-value and comfort in himself before he actually gets himself into a relationship. But this is what he was like with Allura, jealous and possessive. Lance does have an imbalance there. He has flirted with Allura, he is definitely attracted to her, but his childishness faded and it went a different way. Though Allura doesn't exert any feelings that match up to his. Thing is, we've already seen Keith pout, and to grab for attention in 0106 as well in response to Lance, which maybe something that this crosses over too, though it isn’t the same. He literally just pouts/doesn’t look impressed with Lance. I would also say that Keith can obsess/be very protective of special people to him. We see how hung up he got over Shiro, and it’s always emphasised when he saves Lance/being protective.

Pragma: “Pragma is love that has aged, matured and developed over time. It has transcended the casual and has a unique harmony formed over time. It said also that it was mostly seen with married couples, although is rare to find as people don't think about the long lasting. It is the result of effort from both sides; people who have learned to make compromises, patience and tolerance to make a relationship work”. Okay, so I don't just see this with married couples though? Like, I see why it says that, but I also see this with Shiro and Keith (S6 caps this off) and Lance and Allura (just by watching their development from S3 onwards), I do think it has also been shown with Keith and Lance (S3 showed that development), so yeah. This was also borderline shown sort of with Krolia and Keith’s dad.

Philautia: This is self-love basically. ““Self-compassion” which is the deep understanding that only once you have the strength to love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin, will you be able to provide love to others”.- that's what my source says. I don't dispute that, and believe it or not, this is what Keith has basically just learned but he is still being stubborn... Also, it's what Lance needs to learn, and Allura. It finishes with saying "You cannot share what you do not have. If you do not love yourself, you cannot love anyone else either. The only way to truly be happy is to find that unconditional love for yourself. Only once you learn to love and understand yourself, will you be ready to search for the spiritual freedom of the Self." I think that explains things enough. Self-love (growth/lesson) was shown with Keith when up against Shiro and “Shiro” saying he should have left Keith like his parents did, but also when Keith re-opens his eyes at the end of 0605 because he knew then that things would not be over for them, instead of accepting death in that moment, hence why the flashback before says “I’ll never give up on you, but more importantly, you should never give up on yourself”- he knows that now, he understands it.

Lastly, Agape: this is unconditional love, but it's love that has empathy. Love of "flaws or short-comings" it's basically accepting another despite them being different. "accepts, forgives and believes for our greater good"- well... yeah. Everyone should have this and not be so stubborn... Keith still needs to accept and forgive Krolia. This sort of "love" is also we saw with Allura in S2 with Keith, though in both scenarios it is understandable why it’s a challenge. Technically Allura is still learning this.

So yeah, different ones overlap with each other some feeding into the others etc.

It would be cool if we did see Keith also accept romantic love also, because at the moment its friendship and familial and he just learnt self-love. It would be nice to see him dish out the love to everyone though, not just to Shiro. I feel like he's just avoiding everyone still because he either feels guilty for leaving, or he just, is still scared of being that open. Though it seems to me that Shiro will be the one to encourage him to accept and forgive Krolia, and to bond with the others. I also believe that the fact that he has the cosmic wolf was an indication that he was looking after something other than himself, he was allowing a pet to love him really and he loves that pet in return- baby steps. 

If Keith gets romantic love too, that would be awesome. It has to be the right person though. To me, just directing all of his attention to Shiro is not exactly the healthiest of things, but I get why he would be doing that though. It’s because Keith has just opened that part of himself up. As I said earlier, the fact that he has opened himself up to accepting Shiro, it leaves him open to do so for Krolia. ~It's a little like how Lance having all of his attention on Allura was never a good thing, or even having all of his attention on a flipping rivalry was not healthy but needed growth/different perspective/probably end up being told that will help him realise properly~. It has changed though, and Shiro is that sort of person that is observant and who Keith listens to. Keith does listen to some people, it's just if he actually takes in their words. He doesn't always listen to Shiro. Shiro says to Keith in 0208 "you need to learn discipline" and only now has Keith learnt that on his own (roughly), he listens to Lance when Lance is being serious. He can listen to Allura, but only when it suits him, the fact that he said "I don't want a lecture" is evidence enough, and to me, Keith seems to listen to Krolia, though not fully letting her words sink in, knowing the weight/meaning of them exactly.

Allura and Lance both need to learn self-love. Allura showed this a little when she was getting close with Lotor, but she had support from Coran all this time who helped her not doubt herself, and as of late, Lance has helped her in that fact of not letting her have self-doubt. In that respect, Lance could dish out the advice, but not actually fully apply it to himself. The fact that Lance will get an endgame means he will learn self-love through that, but it will just simply be a part of his arc as a whole. The same applies for Allura, though she doesn’t have an endgame, also the fact that she did progress/got in touch with her alchemy when with Lotor will send her back to square-one. Lance helped her with the right words but that will not be swept under the rug with just that.

The other characters seem to be relatively good. It would be awesome if we saw forgiveness and acceptance with Adam and Shiro if that does go ahead. That goes to both ways and neither would get closure if it was left open like that, even if they don’t get back together, it will be something that would teach Keith a lesson, most certainly. I don’t think introducing Adam in that way, for us not to see him would be really shit and just... not well-rounded. I know that Josh has said that Shiro gets a big emotional scene coming up and people think it will be Shiro and Adam, so maybe. But really, that would be really cool to see that happen because it is said about the Shiro and Keith bond. It would be really good to show that for Keith to learn from. It would help bring a closing to Krolia and his relationship.

Anyway, yeah. I hope this makes sense...

Later Paladudes ;)

[rohobi]

Serendipity 05 | (M)

pairing— jeon jungkook x reader, friendwithbenefitsAU  genre/warnings— smut, fluff, humour words— 3, 781 ↳ CHAPTERS → CHAPTER 6

summary: ❝For someone like you who has never been in love -never being allowed that opportunity, the library is the perfect place to imagine if you were. Because let’s be honest, you fall in love with perfect strangers on public transport all the time and being in the library is no different.❞

You have failed contract law two times and it’s not because you can’t do it or because you aren’t smart enough, it’s because you’d rather do that stupid 1000 degree glowing knife thing on your own fucking foot than be an actual lawyer. You see, you were only given two choices: medicine or law and honestly, fuck being a doctor.

Choosing law didn’t mean at all that you wanted to be a lawyer. It just meant that you had bought 5 more years of relative freedom from your menacing and controlling parents.

But freedom evidently comes at a price and for you, it was love and happiness and everything else that comes in between.

Sinking into the uncomfortable wooden seat in the public library, you liken yourself to a period stain on the underwear of academia because you have no interest in law and being a lawyer, and besides contract law, you were acing practically everything else.

“Hi sorry,” a young girl in a bright red velvet dress asks, shaking you from your thoughts. She points to the chair beside you, “Are you using this chair? My boyfriend needs a place to sit and this is the only table with free chairs.”

“Oh sure,” you smile, pushing the chair towards her. “Um, yeah no worries. Take it.”

“Thanks, just want my boyfriend to be comfortable when we study together,” she whispers, almost in a gloating way that makes you internally cringe. “You know how boyfriends get.”

“No I don’t and I didn’t ask,” You deadpan, blinking at the girl. “You can go now.”

“You’re right, you wouldn’t know.” She snorts at you, looking you up and down before rushing off with the chair. You watch her with a scowl on your face as she pushes the chair behind her boyfriends knees, kissing his cheek as he sits.

You roll your eyes and before you can curse out that couple, your phone vibrates loudly against the wooden table in front of your books.

“I swear to god if this is my mother...” you grit your teeth as you grab it, expecting it to be your mother and her callous communication regarding tonight's dinner but as you read the message, you are pleasantly surprised that it isn't.

In fact, you smile because it’s Jungkook.

Jungkook: Guess what just happened. I was leaning against a traffic pole and then felt something wet soak into my socks. It’s summer, there’s no puddles. So, I look down and you know what I see? A doG WITH ITS FUCKING HIND LEG UP, PEEING ON THE POLE AND ONTO MY LEG. I had to walk home wiTH DOG PISS ON ME!!! then I missed my ride to the harbour. The boys left on the boat half an hour ago without me and now I’m bored. Where are you? [11:02AM]

You snort as you lean back into your chair, “Idiot.”

You: Can you hang with Yoongi or something, it’s Taco Tuesday! I really can’t be bothered. [11:02AM]

It’s a lie but you’re quite content being alone today.

Jungkook: It’s Thursday idiot. Are you challenging me to find you? Also, Yoongi doesn’t have lips as soft as yours so I’m coming to find your sweet ass. [11:03AM]

You cringe. “Your ex-girlfriends may have enjoying your sweet talk but I sure as hell-

“Ssssh, you’re in a library!” a boy hisses across from you, behind his copious amount of astronomy books.

Your cheeks burn a blush as you stare at him. “What are you, the library police?”

He rolls his eyes, pointing to the sign that emphasised in all caps that your current seated position was in the quiet zone.

“Fine, damn, sorry.”

Turning back to your phone, you send Jungkook a gif of a child pointing the finger.

You: *gif* Well, from the sugar scrubs Yoongi has, I beg to differ. My professional opinion is that Yoongi does in fact have soft lips and that you should stay with him and kiss them instead [11:03AM]

Jungkook: whY SO UNHAPPY FOR??? WHAT'S HAPPENED IN YOUR WORLD??? WHY YOU GOT THE CASE OF THE GRUMPS?? HAVE YOU EATEN TODAY? [11:03AM]

You: Legit, nothing. You won't find me even if you tried, just stay home and play on your PS4 [11:04AM]

Jungkook: If I can find you in 10 minutes, will I get a prize? [11:04AM]

You: That depends on what you want and what you want is never actually good so no. Don’t know why you’d want to hang with me rn tbh I want to kill someone and that person could be you [11:04AM]

Jungkook is typing....

Jungkook: You can kill me if you want but do it with your lips lol all I want to do rn is to make out with you, can ye let your bestboi do dat? [11:05AM]

Rolling your eyes, you shake your head.

You: Why are you so annoying? Just kiss your fist, same difference [11:05AM]

Jungkook: Because you’d know all about kissing your fist haha. See you soon. Bet I can find you in less than 10 minutes, better be puckering up those precious lips of yours lol [11:05AM]

Jungkook: ?? [11:07AM]

Jungkook: ;) [11:07AM]

You ignore the rest of his messages before turning your phone off and putting it back into your pocket. He’d never be able to find you. You were certain Jungkook had never even stepped a foot into this library and he’s not about to start now. Picking up your book, you try to force yourself back into the prisons of sociology -a topic you have found interesting lately but the library and it’s once paradisiacal magic, stops you from even wanting to turn the damn page.

“Baby, don’t tickle me. I don’t want to get kicked out! I need to finish this report,” the young girl from before whispers, slapping her boyfriends hand away. “Stop it!” she squeaks when he retaliates with a hand up her dress.

The sound of her happiness pisses you off.

“Being kicked out is the last thing you should be worried about. I could kick your ass.” You whisper, slumping into your seat, letting your skirt be dragged up the cold uncomfortable wood. Who cares if people see your granny panties. “Why am I here?”

You have decided that there is something frustrating about libraries and it’s not because you spend most of your time in the one at uni but because now, it’s a place you often feel so damn lonely in that it’s no longer a pleasant escape anymore. And it’s not the learning atmosphere or the allusion that one cannot speak or make noise, to be quite frank, it’s them:

The couples.

The romantics.

The happy ones.

They ruin it.

Everyone around you has a friend or a lover (minus library police who looks content looking at the stars on his own but you aren’t about to empathize with that). Hands are being held under desks, people are cuddling together on the floor and on the couches as they read, shy smiles and earphones are being shared, heads are on shoulders, secret kisses are being exchanged.

It’s love and you hate it.

Because you aren’t in it.

You watch a girl not that much older than you sitting by the indoor spider plant against the chest of who you think might be her boyfriend. She looks happy, comfortable and beautiful but most of all, she looks in love.

You wonder what you’d look like in love if you were ever given the opportunity.

Spurred on by the passing scent of sandalwood, vetiver and cedar, you imagine yourself pressed against his chest instead of her. You’d definitely have your hand on his knee as you read or you’d be kissing his bicep every now and then, something that would affirm you as his lover to others.

You’d be a good lover maybe even better than her.

Shaking that thought out of your head, you clench your eyes closed. It’s an ugly thought and you can’t explain its origins. You’ve never been the type of person to feel insanely jealous of strangers but here you are, doing exactly that for no reason at all.

Maybe you were hungry.

Could explain why you feel so angry at everything.

Who knows.

You just feel a fervent desire to be held as you read or to have someone to just be there with you when you are so goddamn lonely that you aren’t okay, like right now when you feel like no one in this world cares.

And the intensity of this emotion makes you feel like your heart will burst when Jungkook sits opposite you suddenly out of the blue, wearing a white cotton button up shirt and blue sweats, panting like a madman.

Because he does care and he actually found you.

This big toe for thumbs idiot actually found you.

With perspiration dripping down the sides of his face, he tilts his head, a tired easy smile spreads across his face and you wonder why your heart hadn’t bled out all over your books. You can't believe he found you.

Leaning towards you, he whispers over your books. “I found you. Do I get my prize?”

“I can’t believe you found me?” you blink confusedly, “You’ve never even been in this building, how did you know which section I was in in?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, he laughs silently. “I asked reception if they had seen a grumpy and loud little shit wearing a pleated pink skirt with tomato sauce stains on it because there is no way she would’ve changed her clothes from yesterday and they pointed me to this very table.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever.”

Leaning forward, he points excitingly. “See, what's with this shitty attitude. The sky didn’t fall on you when we spoke this morning, what's happened in the meantime. Your parents harassing you again about marriage?”

“Nothings happened, just leave me alone.”

“You could always just tell them that you plan on marrying me? That would get them off your back.” he whispers as though it were a genius idea. You imagine it, you telling your parents that you would be marrying an architect with nurses for parents. “Not too sure my parents would be keen on that but who knows. It’s your face that will get clawed, not mine.”

“So it is your parents?” he asks.

You shake your head.

But he doesn’t give in. Grabbing your arm, he shakes it as though you’ll actually tell him. “What is it Y/N?”

“Oh my god, Jungkook, I don’t want to talk about it,” you whisper harshly, pulling your arm back. “You’ll think it’s stupid and then I’ll be embarrassed and even more grumpy. Happy?”

“Of course not.”

“I’m sorry but I can’t help you with that.” you muster. "Honestly, I just want to be alone."

“Something is telling me that you're upset because you are alone. I know you. Come with me.” Scraping the legs of his chair loudly against the tiled floor, he grabs your wrist, pulling you out of your seat and dragging you through the quiet study zone and into the library aisles.

Rushing through aisles of tall wooden bookshelves, you watch his timberlands scrape against the dark blue carpet. If this was any other person, you would’ve kicked them straight up the gucci hole. But this is Jungkook and you trust him more than you trust yourself. You pass librarians restocking shelves, languid book explorers, indoor plants and many many empty aisles.

“Jungkook,” you pout, letting him drag you. “Are you taking me to the children's literature section so I can help you get a book out?”

He snorts, looking back at you. “No, of course not. I’m taking you to the horticulture section so I can deflower you.”

“Right,” the deeper you go into the library, the darker and more desolate it becomes. “You’re joking right? Because I know this is hot and a big fetish on pornhub but I can’t focus on anything but those pants right now.”

“What about my pants?”

Smiling, you whisper. “Your thighs look so muscular and your booty be poppin boy, I see you. You been working out.”

Wiggling his eyebrows, he stops to whisper in your ear. “Well, one of us has to.”

You gasp. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You’re weak is all, lucky you have me,” Jungkook smiles at you before looking left and right. “It looks like we are all clear.”

He drops his hand from yours.

“For what?” you ask.

He turns to face you with a smug grin plastered across his face.

Stepping close to you, he grabs your shoulders, pulling you into a random aisle and pushing you up against the bookshelf. Your back hits the shelf uncomfortably and you wince at the protruding corners of hard covered books against your spine.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you whine, rubbing your back. “Be gentle will you?”

He steps close, raising his hand to caress your cheek. “Being gentle with you is impossible with a mouth like yours.” His eyes fall down to your lips. He can only guess what you might be thinking about when he watches you bite your lip.

“Jungkook?” you whisper, watching his eyes flick down to your lips. You’re so close you can see the little freckles on his chin and the scars of old acne on his cheek and then he smiles at your sudden complacency.

You close your eyes as he leans toward your face.

But he doesn’t kiss you like you think he will, he simply watches the pink rise to your cheeks as you clench your eyes impossibly tight. You look ridiculous and Jungkook doesn’t think he’ll have another opportunity to admire you so closely again, so that’s all he does.

“You look like your pushing a poo out,” he whispers, cupping your jaw, “Relax will you, why are you weird today?” You open your eyes as he relaxes against you. “You’ve been grumpy all day Y/N, what's happening with you?”

“Nothing,” Looking away from him, you take a deep breath. “I’m just ...I’m not okay and I feel lonely and I hate everyone.”

He nods in thought. “It’s okay to not be okay sometimes, I won't hold that against you.”

You look back to him in a small grin. “Thanks.”

“But I will hold it against you if you don’t tell when you aren’t okay. How do you expect me to help you or comfort you if I don't know? I’m not a mindreader.”

“Why would you comfort me? Why would you want to help me?” you ask, something passes through his face, hurt? You aren’t sure. “I mean, why would you ...I’m not important.”

“Y/N,” he holds your face tenderly, rubbing his thumb across your cheek bone. “I want to beat up the person who made you think that you weren’t important. I don’t like it when you aren’t happy, it’s just not right.”

“What?” you blush, feeling the heat of his affection boil in your chest.

“You mean alot to me you stupid egg,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to yours. “I’m here for you Y/N, you know that and you can tell me anything.”

Leaning down, he nuzzles your nose with his. You close your eyes, letting the feeling of comfort sink into your bones as you relax back into the bookshelf behind you. It hurts but you aren’t hurting alone for once, and that is nice.

Wrapping your arms around his waist, you whisper against him. “I do know,” You take a deep breath, he’s honestly the fresh air you need when everything in your world feels murky. “It’s just sometimes, I don’t even know why I’m not okay and my brain has to go and find reasons like right before you came, I was mulling over how single I am in comparison to the amount of couples there are in here.”

“Don’t be jealous of them. Men bring in their girlfriends in here so they can have a piece of mind and enjoy silence for once in their relationships. That’s probably why you saw alot of them in the quiet zone.”

You laugh in realisation. “Oh shit, you’re right. I feel a little better now.”

He smiles. “Good.”

Jungkook presses forward, rubbing his nose past yours to slide his lips over your smooth ones. It’s a soft chaste kiss but one that pulls you back down to earth from whatever rock you had launched yourself onto while you were hating the world.

Stepping closer to you, Jungkook vice pinches your chin, pulling away from your mouth to run his thumb over your bottom lip. You languidly open your eyes, staring at him as he gently latches onto your lip before letting it go.

Dropping his hand from your face, he stands back wiping his palm on his thigh. “You need to wash your face.”

Frowning, you push him away so that you can pull him into a choke hold in your arm. Squeezing around his throat, you drag him down the aisle. “Ruin the moment much! You are such a little nob you know that.”

“I have a big nob actually.” he chokes.

You laugh into his face. “The size of your penis does not matter when the size of your brain is so little. Try reading a couple books?” You poke into his temple.

“Fuck, I love it when you speak nerd to me.”

Pushing you off him and up against the bookshelf, he kisses you again. You can feel him smiling against your mouth as he pushes himself up against you, he fucking loves this, of course he does.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you give in to this kiss. You could honestly and seriously get used to kissing him, his lips were always so soft and being held by him and surrounded by his scent was comforting. Tilting your head, you deepen the kiss, unsure if you should use tongue but immediately doing it anyway because who fucking cares.

Jungkook made a list of rules and broke most of them on the same day anyway.

Pulling away from you, Jungkook begins kissing down your neck. Brushing his palm up your thigh, he moves his hand over your stomach before slipping it under your shirt. His fingers tickle your sides before sliding up your torso, stopping just underneath the wire of your bra. Cupping over your bra, he squeezes and you marvel at how perfectly his hand fits over your breast.

Pressing open mouth kisses against your neck, you moan as softly as you can manage being in a public setting. “Jungkook, keep it PG.” Dropping your hands, you wrap them around his hips, pulling him closer by his waistband so you can slip them under his shirt and feel the soft skin of his back.

His teeth nip at your earlobe before his lips press light kisses under your ear. You shudder at the affection but your heart ricochets against your chest, maybe libraries weren’t that sad after all.

“I love that,” you mutter and he groans against you, salt on the tip of his tongue. “Feels good.”

You really do love how quickly Jungkook can move from intense to leisure as if he had all the time in the world for you that makes you slump against him, a content sigh leaving your mouth.

Pulling your hand out from his back, you check your watch over his shoulder. “I have ...a dinner tonight with my parents at 7.” you say, feeling breathless.

Pushing his hands up your waist, he opens his mouth to roll his tongue on the most sensitive parts of your skin. “Hmm, want me to come?”

You laugh. “To the dinner or in your pants?”

Nibbling on your earlobe, he whispers. “To the dinner but if you want to make me come, go ahead.”

Dropping your hands from around his neck, you slowly and comfortably dip your fingers past the waistband of his pants. “I’d love for you to come ...but you haven't met my family before and when you do ...I’m not sure if you’ll still want to be my friend.”

Pulling away from your neck, he kisses your nose. “How bad can they be?”

Putting your hand in his briefs, you palm his hardening length. Jungkook bites his lip, and you watch his eyes close languidly.

“Pretty fucking bad,” you muster, stroking his erection. “You have to look a certain way if you want to come though.”

Pressing his forehead against yours, he clenches his eyes closed as you wrap your hand around his shaft to dry jerk him. “What ...kind ...of way?”

Pushing your nose past his, you place a tender kiss against his lips. He thrusts into your hand in response. “Leather loafers, designer socks, suit pants, dresser shirt, styled hair and gucci cufflinks.”

Dropping his head onto your shoulder. You press your thumb against his leaking slit.

“Fuck,” he groans deeply. “Yeah, I can do that. I knew your family were rich. Anything else?”

“Don’t be offended by anything they say. My dad will see a weakness and exploit it. It’s what he’s good at.”

Pressing you harder against the bookshelves, he whimpers into your ear. “And ...ah ...your mother?”

“She’ll like you because you’re hot."

You look over his shoulder, left and right to check if you are alone. Pumping his shaft as quick as you can go, Jungkook digs his teeth into the soft junction between your head and your neck as he cums all over your hand and in his pants.

His heart's racing and you are kind of disturbed, reluctant to pull your hand out and deal with his sticky cum. “That was quick.”

“You jacked me quick, fuck you.”

“I didn’t say that was a bad thing, I’m happy. My wrist lives another day,” Collapsing on you, you pull your hand out. You wipe it on the back of his shirt as you cringe. “So, you actually want to meet my parents?”

He nods against you, not wanting to move. “Yes.”

You rake your fingers through his hair with your other hand, massaging his scalp. “You think you’ll be okay?”

He shivers as you drag your nails down his neck. “Probably.”

Kissing his cheek, you push him away. “I’ll give you until 6:30 to back out. Have fun walking out of here with a wet stain on your groin that makes you look like you pissed your pants.”

He sinks into the bookshelf as you pull away, watching your back as you walk down the aisle. "Feel better now?" You nod before walking out his sight. "Absolutely."

Jungkook doesn’t know what he’s just agreed to but then again, neither do you.