#i cannot bear this much pain
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sophsun1 · 5 months ago
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Interview With The Vampire – 2.05: Don't Be Afraid, Just Start the Tape
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spookythesillyfella · 1 month ago
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UUGHH I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY IM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED GRRRR !!!!! goes to draw my best friend @jumjum-crafts 's guy to blow off steam
★ version without text + reference image under cut :
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★ song : "STATIC ELECTRICITY HUMAN – Computer Flavor" – kairikibear
#before you ask . dear jummy – yes . this was what the ask i sent you the other day was alluding to#i have a very complicated relationship with your colin . but you should be aware of the fact that seeing him invokes intense primitive –#– feelings within me . and one cannot decipher whether they are positive or negative#in any case#JDHDHDJRJRHT I HATE MY LIFE#I HATE THIS SHIT#I WANT TO BE DEAD#there's so much stuff happening every day and im constantly overwhelmed and tired and it's so hard to get out of bed and i don't even want –#– to wake up in the morning . every day just gets worse than the last#everyone around me is doing so much . living their life to the fullest . making huge future and career decisions and planning way ahead#and what am i doing ?#im laying in bed . crying because today was just too much to bear . trying to gain an ounce of happiness by ripping out another piece of –#– my soul to hand out to someone i admire#is this what it's going to be like forever ? bleak nothingness ? constant desolation ?#...#im gonna go to bed#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis colin#colin the computer#fanart#fanart for a friend#vocaloid#vocaloid inspired#i actually had a lot of fun with this . even if the background was the biggest pain i ever had the pleasure of drawing#this entire song makes me feel comfortable#i might make something for someone else#and im debating if im actually gonna be doing a halloween drawing in the first place . at least one that will be on time with the holiday#whatever#please ignore me
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aelswiths · 4 months ago
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*screams into the void*
#the way he like seems to be choking back a sob of emotions before he says this#he can't bear the fact that he's causing her pain#and that there's nothing he can do to stop it#even though talking openly would help her but he can't do that#because if he does he would have to be vulnerable and if he's vulnerable aelswith might think him weak#which is something he knows she abhors (even though she hates it because of her own feelings of being seen as weak and unworthy)#and he can't bear her rejection because he loves her and if she were to reject him it would destroy him#he can be this open with uhtred because its a manipulation tactic#he's using vulnerability to get uhtred to do what he wants and thats why he can be so open in this scene. he's doing it strategically#but to be open with aelswith leaves him (in his mind) open to losing her since he's caused her so much pain throughout their marriage#and he would have to face the fact that he's done that and she might not forgive him and he can't do that#aelswith is so upset in this scene because she thinks its his final way of saying to her “you aren't worthy” when really its a tactic#to help ensure that she and their children will be safe#but they literally cannot properly communicate with each other because of all of the painful history between them#I'm going insane#I love them so much#they are everything to me#literally everything#he loves her so much#like he could not survive losing her - just the way he clings to her all throughout s3 speaks to that#I really think that because of the similarities between uhtred and aelswith uhtred's betrayal makes him start to fear that he could lose he#and he just starts to cling to her for reassurance that she'll never leave and she won't stop believing in him#ok I'm done#for now#I'm crying#your honor I love them#they mean so much to me
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multifandombullshitbabes · 7 months ago
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I feel like if you hate Haley, you simply lack either comprehension skills, or you genuinely watched the show with eyes and ears covered, cause aint no way.
Was it a shitty situation? Yeah. Was she right for the divorce? Yeah, actually, if they couldn't come to a compromise. That's what happens with relationships, people change, goals change, life changes. That's natural. Is it unfair to make Hotch leave a job he obviously loves? Yes. Is it unfair to assume your family is going to feel ok when you work a dangerous job that makes you absent a lot? Also yes. These realities can and DO coexist!!! The saddest part abt all of this is jack.
Could Hotch maybe trust his team a bit more to pick up some paperwork so he can have more time with his family and not spend extra hours not home? Yes!! But he wouldn't, cuz hes the leader, the protector, the parent, and he would NEVER make his team do work thats his. He'll take the sacrifice of not seeing his family as much. Because it is a sacrifice. He just also didn't want Haley to know how much it truly hurt to be away, cuz then SHE would be in pain for him n would want him to leave more, and then jack would ALSO feel the pain of both his parents.
Its a shitty situation, its sad, its complicated, its full of love, and its so REAL, and it is NOT Haleys fault. Why would y'all blame a mother for wanting the father around more often? Why would y'all blame a wife who doesn't want her husband to go away and never, ever come back?
Its what comes with the job. And sadly, Haley realised she could not do it, she could not be with jack knowing hotch could just be DEAD. Thats CRAZY. Its HORRIFYING. And it is the job.
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lemongogo · 2 years ago
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#this.discussion between them is one of my favorites#this and that exchange a while earlier where vash talks ab gunsmokes reliance on plants being a consequence of the big fall#and a necessary facet of survival for the ppl who live here despite how utterly awful an experience it is#for the both of them.the plants being used and the people forced by circumstance to use them until death ykyk#and i especially like.how vash is just so . baffled by the idea that knives somehow sees his ideology as this naive dream#as opposed 2 a reaction from the anger hes been harboring for SOO long. we SAWW it we saw how he reacted on the ship#we see it in the way he struggles 2 navigate life among ppl and how his body bears the scars of his pain and frustrations#his anger is sooo.Good. and formative.and wholly vash that i cannot imagine him without it#he never forgot teslas death / never will .and it motivates him just as much as rem's sacrifice n so on.#'ever since that day we've been mad' ....... prbably one of the best lines ive taken away#hashtag shinobu's 'yes im angry..ive always Been angry' monologue#i love how he includes knives in that anger too. its not just youre angry or im angry. its that We've been angry. Ever since that day.#going2 throw UPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the way knives reacts 2 it too.using it to cement his grief and decision that if we had to suffer than its only fair they should too#fairness.and when he talks ab making it equal...giving whats been taken..always an interesting concept to use in a vengeful sense from the#more sensitive brother. i love it.LUVE ITTT#trigun spoilers#vash#knives trigun#trigun maximum#trigun#millions knives
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queencas · 4 months ago
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im rereading TID and i just have to say nobody understands heronstairs like i do 😩😩😩
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usermoreid · 9 months ago
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.
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killuaisaprincess · 4 months ago
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4 U
“Killua, no, no, I’m not mad. Of course, you can buy yourself stuff. That’s why I’m paying you.”
Gon gently lifts Killua’s chin.
Killua’s eyes are filled with tears, and he has a smudge of jelly near his lips.
Gon smiles softly.
Cute.
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I hope my brother can arrange something so he can bear me part of the journey home after this week is all over and done because I am starting to suspect I will not be a safe driver and it could pose an unacceptably high risk that I'll semi-accidentally drive off the road.
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nerice · 1 year ago
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romanticizing the fuck out of recovery right now...... every day is a new day every day is a day where hopefully i am in less pain as long as i continue to put the work in. it will take months, maybe even years i know that. ive been thru close to two years of extreme (di)stress, a gaming sponsored rsi (wrists), medically induced heart problems that persist in small scary ways, an acquired anxiety disorder, covid, a work sponsored rsi (wrists and ankles) & all of that after years of extremely sedentary lifestyle and disordered eating. my body is fucked. my health is bad. tomorrow i'll be one week out of my workplace, one day tentatively out of pain medication which i needed to be able to move and use my hands at all. i am so fortunate that my partner can cover our expenses while i focus on recovery but god if i haven't cried today multiple times because i am already in significantly less pain than on my last work day which was horrific. i don't know if full recovery is possible i don't know if my joints are fucked beyond repair in some ways but i HAVE TO BELIEVE. that day by day and week by week (gentle yoga or tai chi/qi gong multiple times a day bc its all i can manage, lots of rest, ice packs galore, eat enough, BY GOD i need to count calories to make sure im eating enough) maybe hopefully possibly i can have a semblance of my old life back by 2024 ;...........;
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gaysindistress · 8 months ago
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Things that I feel like would happen when you’re in a relationship with Simon Riley.
Simon Riley masterlist
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1. First off he hates the word ‘boyfriend’.
Maybe it’s because he’s in his mid thirties or something but he can’t stand being called your boyfriend. He’s more than that but also not at the same time. You live together, have access to each other’s bank accounts (which is only because he hates it when you try to fight him about him giving you money), and you’re each others emergency contact. He thinks of himself as your husband. The man wears a silicone ring when he’s home and a necklace with the ring that’s totally not a wedding band when he’s working. Price has seen the chain once or twice and smirks, shooting him a knowing look but never says a word.
Simon cannot stand it when people get nosy and want to know what your relationship status is. You’re together and that’s all that matters. No one needs to know that you’re the beneficiary of his will and life insurance policy or that he’s put you on all of his accounts. No one needs to know that he buys you anything you want but has only ever bought you two rings; a thin gold band with a flower engraved on it and its twin a matching emerald ring. No one needs to know that when he gifted them to you, there were tears and promises of safety, love, and happiness whispered against feverish skin. No one needs to know that he has your name woven into his chest tattoo.
No one needs to know any of that because your relationship is between him and you only.
2. You are not some submissive little house wife. You are a strong independent woman and he prefers it that way.
I know this one goes against what most people say but hear me out on this. Simon has been independent since birth practically. He’s only had himself to count on for years. Even in the military, he’s only been able to rely himself. Sure the others watch out for him but if it came down to it, he’s the only one who’s going to get himself out alive.
The thought of someone else relying on him in that way is terrifying. He can’t even fathom what it would be like to look at another person and fully trust them in that way. Half the time he feels like he can’t even be trusted to take care of himself let alone another human. In theory a sweet docile housewife is great with the meals and clean house but not for him. He needs to know that you can hold your own. He needs to know that you can be independent and carry on without him if something happened while he was working. He needs to know that you will be okay if he doesn’t come back.
You have to be okay without him no matter how much it pains him to think about it.
Like I said before, he’s made you the beneficiary of everything so he knows you’ll be set financially but that’s not enough. He’s made Price promise to keep an eye out for you. He’s made you promise to let Price do that and you agreed because it’s Simon who’s asking but you’d tell anyone else to fuck off.
In addition to all of that, he’s installed the best security system the government has to offer in your house. You have a very expensive and large safe in your shared closet that he’s instructed you to only open if you feel unsafe. While you might not like it, you agree to go shooting with him so he can sleep at night knowing that you could protect yourself if he’s not home. He’s gone as far as to make sure you have all of the licenses and certificates that are needed to legally own firearms in the UK.
He’s not leaving any opportunity for you to be vulnerable or have your ‘safety checks’, as he calls them, taken away.
3. Simon Riley is a godless man…until he meets you.
Now this is entirely my own headcannon with no evidence to support it so bear with me.
Simon had a shitty childhood where his mom would pray to a god who never listened and his dad would shout verses at him when he was drunk. God was a mythical figure that he was told stories off with nothing to show for it. He did believe at one point but then his dad never got better, his mom wore bruises of every shade, and his brother found comfort in drugs.
He found himself praying when he was being tortured by the Mexican cartel. Between the flashbacks of his abusive past, he prayed to a god who had failed him so many times before to help him. He prayed again as he dug himself out of that Texas grave with the major’s jaw bone. He wailed his prayers when he found his family executed after Sparks tried to kill him.
After that he deemed himself a Godless man. Years of praying had passed with nothing. This god had decided that Simon was not worthy of a miracle so why would he continue to worship him?
That was until he met you. He finds himself praying before every mission, every time he has to leave you, every time he’s on his way home, and just about any other time he thinks of you. He doesn’t know what exactly he’s praying for other than for you to be there when he gets back.
He whispers his prayers to an absent god against your skin as he worships your body, soul, and heart. He promises to be devoted to you until his last breath and vows to find you again in whatever afterlife awaits you. He pledges to find solace in you and only you when his haunting nightmares return. He makes an oath to your heart that it will never weather another storm alone again for his will take whatever beating that comes your way. He shows you that he will love you in the same manner as a Hozier song; putting you above all else because you have become his religion, his faith, his beliefs, his life.
You have become all that he is and he thanks the god he once believed in for you. He prays again but to you, his heart, his love, and his beacon through the enteral storm of life.
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houseofwolvess · 1 year ago
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god, fucking.. the fact that so few people acknowledge the intense brain fog you feel when you're in immense pain is a crime i think
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existennialmemes · 3 months ago
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Ok Long Bill Cipher Rant please bear with me:
Bill is not a Good Person, and he is very clearly abusive to Ford, even before The Divorce™
But, there's an extremely poignant detail that everyone keeps leaving out. When Bill turned violent with Ford, it was not for no reason.
Bill wasn't just trying to get into earth for fun. The Nightmare Realm was disintegrating, and his Found Family would be literally eradicated if he couldn't find them a new home.
Using violence to save your family is an extremely different situation than just being violent to get his way.
He was literally running out of time to save them, and he was getting desperate.
That context is extremely important when analyzing Bill's character. He's not a good person, but he is not evil either. At all.
Additionally, Bill probably thinks it's somewhat normal for the people who love you to hurt you "for the greater good." Because his parents, who loved him dearly, were feeding him poison to make him blind.
The first Terrible Thing we know he ever did, destroying his home world, was done on accident, as a desperate attempt to get the people he loved to stop abusing him.
And he regrets it so much he literally cannot even think about it. He loved them. He just wanted them to love him without hurting him, and it ended up killing them all.
So yeah, he's got some incredibly fucked up notions of love and relationships. And that doesn't excuse what he did to Ford at all.
But there's still an overwhelming difference between "I'm going to hurt you because you didn't do what I say" and "I'm going to hurt you because if I don't everyone I love will die, and pain is a part of love, so this is normal and Fine."
Yes Ford deserved better, but Bill also deserves not to have the nuance of his character erased.
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lightseoul · 2 months ago
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cw. gn!reader, worker!reader, prohero!katsuki, aged-up (25), pining (again, if you look extra closely), a lot of cussing (are we still surprised)
masterlist | part 1 (although ig this makes sense on its own), part 3 (i didn't plan this), part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9
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“What.”
It’s less of a question and more of a statement—a statement sputtered in the typically demanding way characteristic of the one and only Bakugou Katsuki.
The Bakugou Katsuki who happens to be your boss for a good (debatable) three and a half years now, who you also have to spend overtime with until who knows what time to discuss what’s become rocky employee relations in the Ground Riot agency.
Your eyebrows furrow in confusion or irrational annoyance—both, really—before you quickly school your expression into a neutral one. You riffle through the documents rather absentmindedly, avoiding his gaze before shooting back with: “What do you mean what?”
“I meant,” he leans back on his office chair that you know he singlehandedly picked out for its superior ergonomic design because he’s meticulous like that, “what the fuck is wrong with your face.”
“Excuse me?”
Your retort is laced with more indignant anger than intended, but at this point in the night, you cannot for the life of you bring yourself to care about your tone. It’s been a long day, and you weren’t about to let your stupid boss make fun of your appearance, of all things.
Bakugou probably senses the significant change in your demeanor, because his eyes widen in surprise ever so slightly before he sits up and opens his mouth to explain himself.
“You’ve been looking like you accidentally drank spoiled milk for the past hour and the shit aftertaste isn’t going away.” He haughtily shakes his head, and it takes everything in you not to jump him and choke your boss.
To your disdain, however, he continues.
“It’s either you spit it out or I’m going to have to force you to tell me what’s wrong.”
You gape at him. Whatever you expected him to say, it wasn’t that.
As quickly as you can, however, you attempt to regain your bearings and at least try to seem nonchalant, clearing your throat as unbothered as possible to top it all off. “Well, working overtime to iron out office squabbles isn’t exactly my idea of a relaxing Friday night, thank you very much.”
He scoffs. “Bullshit.”
You almost get whiplash from how quickly you look at him. His brazen rudeness—which, right now, is worse than usual which is saying something, mind you—renders you incapable of saying anything aside from another winded: “Excuse me?”
He rolls his eyes. “Miss me with that bullshit, dumbass.”
You feel yourself heat up in irritation. “I thought I told you to stop calling me dumbass.”
“You’d rather I call you princess?”
At that, you break eye contact despite yourself, choosing to stare at his forehead instead. It’s still unnerving—looking at any part of his body, really—but it’s better than looking at him squarely and witnessing the smirk you know has taken over his unfairly handsome features.
Your voice is small, to your chagrin, when you reply. “That’s actually a lot worse.”
The man dares to bark out a laugh.
You continue to metaphorically choke him in your head.
“Okay then, dumbass,” he emphasizes the nickname and you are about 99% sure a pained expression is dancing across your face because Bakugou is observing you with even more amusement before his features settle into a look of seriousness.
“As I was saying before you missed the point entirely—I highly doubt you’re this bothered because of fucking overtime,” he eyes you cautiously before pressing on. “Something’s wrong.”
You don’t know if it’s the exhaustion of the week filled with workplace conflict, or the crushing news you received this morning in the mail, or the very fact that Bakugou, despite his roughness and the annoyingly persistent way he’s been poking at your mood like it’s an itchy scab, is looking at you with genuine concern—but you end up doing it.
You give in.
You feel the tears welling up in your eyes before you even get the chance to deny them permission to, and at the sight of them Bakugou sits up even straighter in alarm—and you don’t know what comes over you because you start laughing so hard, your hand shoots up to your stomach in an attempt to keep it from cramping.
“Oi.”
The expression on his face is so unbelievably baffled that you only end up cackling to yourself more.
It takes a few more minutes before the sillies are fully flushed out of your system and really, it only took you a glance at Bakugou to realize you probably looked demented just now.
Feeling self-conscious all of a sudden, you quickly wipe away the tears in your eyes and muster enough courage to flash him a genuine smile.
To your delight, he flashes you one right back, albeit tentatively—one that is boyish and charming under the rather dim lights of his corner office.
Although he seemingly reboots to his default state because it’s immediately replaced by a frown and followed by: “You’re so weird, you know that?”
You snort and, before you can stop yourself: “Not as weird as my ex.”
At that, Bakugou’s entire countenance changes—he visibly stiffens in his seat and his eyebrows furrow in what you believe is confusion at the sudden mention of your past lover.
Bakugou says nothing, however, and so you take that as a sign to continue.
“Remember that meeting we had last March with Chef Asahi about our collaboration with his restaurant where I was late and you gave me shit for it? And when you asked I told you it was because I just got dumped over the phone?”
He gives you a curt nod, lips tight.
“Well,” you chuckle nervously, feeling embarrassed at your upcoming revelation, “I just found out that that ex is getting married in two months, and I’m invited.”
Neither of you says anything for the next—what feels like—hour.
Until Bakugou takes a sharp inhale, leans forward on his desk, and stares you down straight in the eyes: “I’ll do it.”
“What?”
He scowls at you like you’ve got a pea for a brain. “Don’t make me say it twice, dumbass.”
You frown at his hostility, your own bewilderment chipping away at your already thinning patience. “You’re not saying anything.”
Bakugou sighs, and he looks like what he is about to say next physically pains him.
“I’ll be your fucking date to the wedding.”
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tagging. @kitthepurplepotato @chelbyisbord @lovra974 @katsukis1wife @brunnetteiwik
special shoutout to @he3v4n for reading the prequel to this and following thereafter--inadvertently making me check out past writing and get inspired to write this <3
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mechawolfie · 2 years ago
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can not remember the last time a series had such a strong emotional effect on me i dreaded continuing it what the HELL
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hoshigray · 1 year ago
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𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐤 | ryōmen sukuna
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𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: true form! Sukuna x fem/afab! reader - mosterfucking - double penetration (he got two) - biting - spanking - light choking - mention of blood.
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: a quick something I wrote for Sukuna to take a break from writing a fic + I have jack shit for him in my masterlist, lmao.
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Ryōmen Sukuna is most definitely a biter. There is no need to state this since it is obvious. But imagine him plowing you from behind, watching your ass quake under his erratic thrusts, forcing out choked moans from your writhing body moving to and fro with his. Tears roll down warm cheeks onto the cold cream sheets that cover the futon. Hands grip the material for dear life with every rut to your leaky cunt. And when he smacks the cusp of your ass, a shriek cannot be restrained from your lips. 
Sukuna loves your screams. They please him to no end — a gorgeous tune to his devilish ears. As a sadistic man, nothing gives him more joy during these moments than inflicting pain onto your sweet tiny body forced to accommodate both his girthy cocks. A beast like him is allowed to use you as he sees fit. His little pet. His little toy. Not like you can refuse. Judging by how your body adapts to his dicks inside your holes, it is apparent that you're also enjoying this, too.
Two hands are stationed on your hips to propel you forward to him, and the other two hold your hands behind your back. You're left with nothing to conceal the whimpers and cries that fly out your mouth. He wants to hear it all — the sound of your ass meeting his pelvis, the choked sobs when his black fingertips dent into the depth of your hips, your pants for air as he takes them away. It turns him on so fucking much.
He can’t fight the urge anymore — the sight of your sweaty body quivering under his bow gets him riled up. Your skin, so beautiful and pure, displayed none of his markings from the times before now. Blue eyes narrow to your shoulder, clear of nothing but sweat. Well, he’s just going to have to fix that.
He comes down to your shoulder and sinks his teeth into your flesh. A sharp cry sneaks its way out of you. 
“Eyyahhhh!!! Su-Sukuna, don’t, please! I can’t have any ma— Ahhaahhnn!!”
“Who told you’re in a position to order me, brat?” He gives the mark on your shoulder a slow lick, tasting the twinge of blood to engage his taste. One of his hands snakes its way to your throat to squeeze. Your mind plunging into a deeper haze than before. “Know your place. Don’t stop screaming for me.”
More chews to your shoulders prompt more tears to escape from your strained-shut eyes. And the pacing of his cock becomes unbearably fast for your brain and senses to keep up. The pain inflicted by his demon mouth, along with the tongue from his stomach licking the sweat of your back, coinciding with the erratic tempo of his hips — it’s all too much to bear. And your release hits you hard, your cunt and ass clamping onto his lengths that continue to rut into your now sensitive parts.
“Mmmph, haahhh…Heh, now you think you can come without my permission, huh?” Sukuna whispers dangerously to your ear, and you whine when his teeth catch your lobe. “Such a pathetic pet, aren’t you.” He pistons his dicks deep inside, churning your tender areas to the point of incoherent babbles. “A damn noisy one, too…Hmmgh! Oh fuck, fuck…”
Before he experiences his climax, Sukuna gives the back of your neck one last bite. Your final shriek signals the ingress of his warm load filling your holes. He keeps you pinned to the futon, making sure you stay still for every bit of his essence to enter within you. Your mind is too far gone to try and fight it — too occupied with the feeling of him corrupting your body internally. Just letting him ride out his own crescendo until he slowly dismembers his huge members off of you. Heavy pants are used to steady his breathing, and he examines his messy work on your body. Bloody bite marks, your ass trembling from the onslaught of ruts and slaps, and silent tears trickle down a dazed face. He snickers to himself. 
“Perfect.”
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© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2023 — dividers from @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more
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