#i can't make myself stop reading it
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i genuinely think fanfic might be ruining my life
#when i say all i do all day is read fic it's not a joke and i'm starting to think it is actually bad for me#it gets in the way of quite literally everything else in my life#it is what i use to deal with any emotion outside of generally happy or vague nothingness#i read it first thing when i wake up i read until the last second i have to get out of bed#i read all day at work and then read all night until my eyes hurt and i have to go to sleep#it makes up 90% of what i think about every single day#it is a huge chunk of what i talk about with other people cause it's all my thoughts#i can't make myself stop reading it#like i actually start going through withdraw or something#it gets hard to think and i can't focus and i can't sit still and i feel so so bored#and it feels like nothing else matters#i used to read science magazines for fun and now i can't even get through one article without feeling like i'm dying#there is some crazy good fic out there but most of what i read is like... the tik tok of stories#it's like the short form version of a book#it is taking over my life (i say that like this hasn't been true for probably a decade at this point)#but i literally don't know how to fix it#i can delete my ao3 but you can read without an account#i guess i could go wholesale and delete the internet off my phone#but i need that for so many other things#i straight up don't know what to do#i might actually need help. like i think i might be addicted the way some people are to social media
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A WEREWOLF (in love)
#read the comic After Dark on webtoon the other day and can't stop thinking abt werewolves#and i needed an excuse to draw one. so Oz was my victim.#i'm getting dangerously close to rewatching Buffy rn and I can't let that happen yet it's been less than a year since my first watch#i just miss spike so much guys................................ i miss him#daniel osbourne#oz btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs fanart#werewolf#digital art#the drawing of him with the guitar looks off to me but i've sat with this for 3 days and don't see myself making any edits so whatever#caccry art
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Worm Arc 21 thoughts:
Well that was sure a turn around from last arc's "I'm going to rally the students so I don't get captured."
I know my daughter has made some . . . mistakes, but I'm not a fan of her turning herself into the openly corrupted and also bad at their job parahuman cops.
(Parahuman cops as in "cops who police parahumans" not "cops who are parahumans")
Like look, I get it. A precog told her to cut ties. I can't say it's wrong to follow that advice. But she could do that in a lot of ways that don't involve the PRT.
The second not from Dinah just being "I'm sorry" is brutal.
But before she can turn herself in she has to absolutely fucking crush the PRT/Protectorate for outing her civilian identity.
I love how fucking simple taking out the entire PRT headquarters was for Skitter and her girlfriends!
Who needs anyone else? Bitch brings muscle, Tattletale brings information, Skitter brings battlefield control. Lesbian polycule power activate!
Was it an overboard response? Maybe. Was it badass how she just took out so many heroes and PRT troops with ease? Yes.
Poor Dovetail has one of the most embarrassing introductions ever. First time we see her and Skitter is wiping the floor with her and thinking about her "crummy power".
God I hate Tagg so much that he makes me miss Piggot. Like she was absolutely terrible, but he's worse! And making me miss Piggot makes me hate Tagg even more!
Kindly old cemetery groundskeeper who doesn't pay much attention to the news! Never a bad trope.
They gave Butcher 15 to Cherish???!? Like sure they give all the reasoning for it but like ... it just seems like a really high risk situation. If she ever gets out it's going to suck. A lot.
THE SCENE AT RACHEL'S PLACE OH MY GOD!
SHE IS BUILDING A COMMUNITY! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!
Rachel just over here finding everyone like her and giving them a place. Legit crying. Look at that fucking growth!
(Also shout-out to my wife for having basically done the same thing. It's how I met her. It's how I met one of my girlfriends. And so many other important people. So ya. I fucking love this.)
Also you ever like a girl so much you try to give her an entire planet? Cause Taylor sure has.
"Rachel I don't want you to be sad when I'm gone so you can basically have this whole other planet we found."
GGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
Imp let Regent take control of her . . . welp. Like, I'm not really surprised by this. And in a different situation I wouldn't even really find it that weird. I'd do it with the right person. But combination of age and the situation they are in and Regent being Regent annnnnd ya. Welp.
I did love how much of the interactions between Skitter and Regent/Imp really was just her struggling with parenting two teenage supervillains.
IT'S NOT SO EASY, IS IT CHILD?!? MAYBE YOU'LL CUT ME SOME SLACK AND LISTEN TO MY ADVICE IN THE FUTURE!
(She won't)
I fucking LOVE that she made the bible themed hero kneel. Absolutely fucking amazing.
Oh shiiit, Skitter just flat dropped that guy multiple stories. Is she going to far?
. . . wellll, these guys do literally worship the Endbringers so I guess a little aggression is ok.
Damn, Valefor sure has some fucked up powers, I wonder what they're gonna do abou-
. . .
. . .
. . . . . .
. . . wellll, these guys do literally worship the Endbringers so I guess a little aggression is ok.
. . .
Yep.
. . .
. . . I think I preferred when she just used a knife.
So anyway
Not a fan of Taylor having more alone time with Brian (not because I have any issue with the idea, but because I think she needs to be focusing on her girlfriends), but I am a fan of her using bugs to clean her dress and fix her hair afterwords while Brian just kinda sits there and has to contemplate what he has gotten himself into. Queen shit.
Flechette was SO mad that Parian wasn't "cute" anymore, I couldn't stop laughing. Sure, she said "You had to take the playfulness away? The joy?" but we all know what she meant. Of course, it's won't take very long for the new costume to get Flechette's attention. (I have to mention that this is basically exactly what I said when reading the scene, and the interlude a few chapters later just proved me right.)
Flechette is just so hopelessly gay
Miss Militia is actually getting very mild respect from me right now. Like, she's still working for the cops but she is actually agreeing to silently push against some things. Now, she says she doesn't have more power then that but she is a very well known hero and if she would publicly speak out about certain things there is a decent chance she could do more. That would of course be putting her position at risk though. Which is why she only gets very mild respect right now.
OH MY GOD I DIDN'T JUST GET TO SEE TATTLETALE'S MURDER WALL, I GOT TO SEE HER ENTIRE MURDER ROOM!
Fucking multiple bulletin boards with threads connecting them. Everything color coded. Reference numbers to files with more details. Multiple TV screens, computer with constant information dump. God. It's like a literal representation of the inside of my mind while I read Worm. SO MANY THINGS TO FIGURE OUT!
I love a lot of characters, but Tattletale always stays near the top. She gets me.
And from the fucking joy of getting to see that setup I come crashing the fuck down.
Like, I have completely figured out at this point that Skitter is turning herself in. I know what is coming. She's had her moment with everyone else and Tattletale is the last one.
And then. Then just . .
No goodbyes.
😭😭😭😭😭
HOW DARE THIS BOOK MAKE ME FEEL MY OWN FEELINGS!! I'M TOO GAY FOR THIS!
I do find it hysterical that the PRT officers working the front lobby don't all recognize Skitter on sight. Fucking gas station employees will manage to keep track of people with pictures on the "bad check" board, you'd think the PRT could manage to have their officers keep track of the face of one of the most well know villains in the country, if not the world, who also controls their city. PRT is forever bad at their job.
That one guy did notice her eventually though, so I guess he gets to be employee of the month.
The Number Man interlude thoughts:
The inside of this mans mind is one of the sexiest things I have ever seen and the constant reminder of the horrible things he is helping Cauldron do to all their prisoners was very helpful because it was the only thing keeping me from deciding that The Number Man is a perfect soul that can do no wrong.
I have no illusions here. I am weak. This man is a monster and I should not have any trouble remembering that.
But fuck shit fuck oh god fuck I don't even need him to touch me. I just need him to TALK to me. I just need him to get high with me and let me pick apart how his mind works!
He understood numbers, and through them, he understood everything.
That line. Absolute killer. Fucking take me.
. . . anyway yes it's a very interesting interlude!
Loved seeing more of the inner workings of Cauldron
I very much want to see the final level of their basement that only the Doctor goes into because I said that I thought Cauldron had a dead (for values of dead that are non-definable) higher dimensional being in their basement back during arc 15 and now I know for sure that there is something down there. I wanna know if I was right!
Oh my god he was friends with Jack
"Friends"
Look I make everything gay ok? It's not my choice! Sure it means I get to enjoy every tiny bit of Wolfspider and Chatterbug cause I see all of it. But it also means I see the ships I don't want to think about!
I men what was I supposed to think when Jack said “We can live this. Together. Every waking second…”?
Gay
Parian interlude thoughts:
And speaking of gay!
Fucking Flechette just full blown "Fuck all of this I want you to tell me what to do for the rest of my life!"
Full U-Haul lesbian.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
This is Parian's new costume having an effect.
Just so gay. I love it.
Also Bitch just so fucking ready to break Skitter out. So fucking gay.
And the incredible loyalty, which is gonna hurt if she ends up feeling betrayed by Skitter.
Still gay though.
Tattletale, basically without powers, just completely giving Accord the "fuck off, we're in charge" was amazing. All she had to do was promise to consider his binders and he was all in. This poor man just wants somebody to read his ideas! He's like a aspiring screenwriter just begging people to read his script.
#Worm#Worm Web Serial#Parahumans#Cairavende reads Worm#Skitter#Wolfspider#Chatterbug#Smugbug#Number Man#I love doll lesbian#She is one of my favorite side characters#Curious what Flechette's new name is going to be#I was cackling about the idea of Flechette crossing half the city to make a phone call cause no one has any idea how much Skitter can hear#Or how far away she can hear it#And it's just like “Well uhhh other side of the city I guess?”#Also the amount of brain power currently being used to try and come up with a clever ship name for Jack Slash and The Number Man#Is unreasonable#I don't care. I don't want to care.#I don't want to think about shipping ANYONE with Jack#I hate that pretentious little shit bag so much#And yet#The possibilities with numbers and dividing and such are endless#And I can't stop myself#Please send help#Or just send me more of The Number Man's internal thoughts#That could distract me
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I finally finished my four-volume ATYD layout!
The body text is larger than any formatted version I have found before, which is why it's four volumes instead of three. (The images I added to this post are just thumbnail previews, not meant to illustrate the relative size of the text.) I designed covers, front matter, chapter accents, and gave each character their own handwriting style for their letters!
I put a huge amount of work into this (for myself!) and I'm excited to share with anyone who is interested. The fanart and fonts I used are all credited (fanart in the front matter, fonts in the back) in case anyone wants to look them up.
These PDFs were specifically designed for printing as perfect-bound paperbacks, which is why the margins are larger on the sides toward the spine. There are all sorts of print-on-demand book sites out there that you can use to order your own copies. If you're handy with InDesign I can send you the .indd files if you'd like to modify them.
If anyone is super interested in having these in EPUB format (for e-readers), I can also share those versions, but they won't have the custom fonts because EPUB formats don't play well with those.
These are hosted on my Google Drive and I have no immediate plans to delete them, but I do recommend downloading them if you think you'll want them in the future, in case I need to delete them down the road.
Here are the files: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1t1ZKdmkDDDUAYqY3Lp6EUilchX5UErlQ?usp=sharing
Tags for those who requested them: @likehephaestionwhodied, @lady-stardust-incarnate, @mxed-salad-greens, @cherryberry1403
#atyd#i also did a loooooot of copyediting which is why this took so long#but i didnt actually read through all 2k pages for line edits so theres 10000% still errors but thats just part of fanfic#i at least got most of the errors that bothered me personally which were predominantly errors involving commas and quotes#I'm one of those people who can't stop myself from editing in my head (ive been an editor for over a decade and have adhd)#so editing - even lightly - makes it mucj easier for me to read and enjoy!#all the young dudes#wolfstar#remus x sirius#remus lupin#sirius black#james potter#peter pettigrew#marauders#marauders era#the marauders#fanfic#mskingbean89#mine#dead gay wizards
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why am i in witch hat atelier (this is the best thing that has ever happened to me) (please read witch hat atelier)
#witch hat atelier#wha#atuarto#atwert#chin hair in progress sdfjkln#@ my t shots: stop slacking off#COSPLAY ONE DAY???? but i can't sew and i don't have money :((((( but omg can you imagine#imagine if i was wearing his cosplay in that pic#also this pic was taken two weeks before i read tbna so I wasn't even trying!!!#my hair isn't always perfectly like this but it is on the day i wash them#the days after that it gets a bit wavier#bUT YEAH#I LOVE HIM SO MUUUCHHHH#whenever he's on the page i'm like this is both so weird and exciting because i can't unsee myself 😭😭#when i go “i love you you're so pretty” at him i have to pause like wait.#is this how i start to self-love more#also it makes me feel so good about my gender presentation and my choice to go on t like.......#i'm only one month on t so there are no visible changes and yet i look like this sweetheart!!!!#and it makes me happy!!!!#how could i be wrong about going on t#it's just so unexpectedly affirming idk
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hc: Vessel is bad at receiving compliments and being told that he is loved (hug inspired by this one, @ghxstly-death put it into words perfectly. thank you, Eden!🫂)
Thinking about Vessel who can't accept compliments, not because he doesn't believe them (that too), but because he'd heard them so many times in the past related to small, unimpressive things. Not 'I'm proud of you', just 'You did good', an automatic response to any and all achievements. He did good. He didn't know what 'good' meant, but apparently, he did that. He has no idea what was good about what he did, so he continues to push himself, to not be a disappointment. If he does good, then that should be enough, right?
He tries for great, for excellent, for something more, but he always gets 'good', unrelated to the effort and time he put into something. He knows he shouldn't wish for more specific compliments, or anything else, really. He should be grateful to be regarded. Everyone around him is so busy, they can't possibly have time to listen to him talk about how in reality, he has no idea what he's doing. How things sometimes just click but he can't tell if what he did is actually worth anything or it was just pure luck. How he doubts himself at every step but learned to hide it, because he has to be good. And good means coping and dealing with things by himself and quietly, because then he will be told that he did good and who wouldn't want to be good?
Vessel who hears 'I love you' for the first time (said with actual love behind it for the very first time) in a really long time from II. He wouldn't tell the other that, but it's clear from the surprise and the hopeful longing in Vessel's eyes. His friend told him he loves him and he doesn't know what to do with that, so he hesitantly steps to him and begins to lift his arms in question. II's heart squeezes at his shyness, after all, the other has spent months alone in the manor, so it's understandable that he would have grown unaccustomed to touch. But then II has to pull Vessel against him, because the man sort of hovers his arms around his frame as if he doesn't know how to approach a hug. Like he isn't sure what is expected of him and what is too much.
Vessel is surprised when II squeezes around his torso, when he brings one arm around his shoulder and the other to his neck, trying to bring Vessel down towards him, like he wants to protect and shelter him. That's strange, but Vessel finds that his arms want to stay wrapped loosely around II a bit longer and just as he starts to pull away, II again says "I love you, Vessel", and Vessel's brain freezes. II squeezes him tighter and Vessel feels so warm and strangely loose (he's afraid he will unravel if he stays too close for too long) and small even though he towers over his friend. His friend who is now holding him and who apparently loves him.
The only thing in his mind stumbles from his tongue in the form of a quiet "Why?". He didn't do anything exceptional. He was showing II an arrangement and said he wasn't sure if it was any good, letting his fingers dance over the keys, feeling like he was stumbling through music. He felt like it captured that familiar insecurity, and he liked it and hoped II would like it, too. Even if it didn't make it into a song. Then II said he did like it, that it feels like Vessel is unsure but it gives the melody a unique flavor, and that Vessel was great for translating that feeling into music.
"'Why?' ?" II's answering question is filled with such disbelief that Vessel wants to hide. He said something inappropriate, something secret that had previously only been dwelling in his mind, in a dark corner, and now he feels exposed. Why did he even open his mouth? Not good. Definitely bad.
Vessel is slumping against II a bit, like he doesn't know how to hold himself upright anymore, like he needs support. II must feel it, because he's still holding him, and it's been minutes and Vessel tries to squirm away, to save any dignity he might still possess, and II lets him slip out of the embrace, but his arms linger like he doesn't want to let go of his friend. His friend who just blurted out the worst response to a confession of gentle affection. Vessel looks so worried when he catches II's gaze and he immediately averts his eyes and takes a few small steps back, unconsciously gravitating towards his piano for protection, a sense of safety.
"You're my friend, Vessel," II tries approaching the man with soft words, "You're kind and considerate and a damn good musician," Vessel stops backing away when the back of his legs hit the edge of his piano bench, but he's still looking at the floor, "You pour your heart into writing and playing and it's amazing to see. You're committed, but patient and you help me every time I need. Even when I'm too embarrassed to ask," II tilts his head and steps a bit closer to try and catch Vessel's gaze, "I know you don't see it and I'm sorry that you can't because it's true. I would never lie to you about this, Ves. I love you, you're my best friend," Vessel presses his lips together, so II adds, "Not just because we live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. You're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm glad Sleep led me to you."
Vessel gives him a look that shows he tries really hard to believe him, and adds in such a low voice it's almost a whisper, "I love you, too," as if he's embarrassed to admit it. But it's not embarrassment, II realizes, it's disbelief, it's some sort of deep shame about needing someone else, of relying on anyone else but himself at all times. And it makes sense, considering Vessel's nature, but II could never put it all together, since large chunks of Vessel's past were unfamiliar to him. He could have guessed based on how the man acted, but he didn't want to assume anything. It felt disrespectful. Vessel would share if he wanted.
"And I'm really glad you found me," just a beat of silence, before he adds, in an even quieter tone, if that's possible, "And that you stayed," Vessel risks a bashful glance towards II, and sees him blink rapidly, shocked by the implication of the other's words, before he shakes himself and steps closer to Vessel. He searches his face for apprehension, but doesn't find any, so he gently puts his hands on Vessel's upper arms and sits him down on his bench. Before Vessel can react, II has his arms wrapped around him, one around his shoulder, and the other's hand cupping the back of his head and cradling it to his front.
"You're important to me, Ves. You're special and precious and I love you," II's fingers caress the man's shoulder and card through his hair, "I want you to know that I'm here for you any time, okay?" Vessel is still stunned and he's sure he's going catch on fire if he gets any warmer. II twists a lock of hair around his finger, "Okay?" Words form and die in Vessel's throat so he just nods, rapidly, almost hurriedly, and II lets out a small chuckle. "You're amazing, you know that?" he nuzzles into Vessel's hair for a moment to murmur, "And adorable," II sways with the man in his arms a little and Vessel is sure he will combust. His face is flaming against II's shirt and he tries to suppress the half grimace-half grin on his face and feels unreal. "C'mon. Tea break?" II smiles down at him and offers a hand. Vessel can stand on his own, but doesn't reject the offer. He likes the warmth of II's hand and he can always use the stability and the reminder of the other's presence. II soon replaces his hand with a mug of tea, but it's considerably colder to Vessel. The contrast is especially palpable when II brushes his knuckles against Vessel's as he's handing him his tea. The mug is warm, but II's skin is burning against his. But it's not bad. It's a good burn. It makes Vessel feel alive. Seen. Loved?
Vessel learns that he doesn't have to prove himself to other people to receive love. Love is not something that has to be earned in their home. Love is not a reward, not something that Vessel has to work for, then be disappointed that in the end, it isn't actually given to him. He tried being good in the past, being silent and keeping his head down and being a good kid, but the warmth and the unconditional love didn't come. He still tried, though, he always tried his best, but apparently that wasn't enough. Or there wasn't actually love at the end of that tunnel. It was just a play of light. But that would have been cruel and Vessel would like to think that people in his past weren't intentionally unkind to him (he won't admit the truth to himself for a while).
II often tells Vessel that he's proud of him. For speaking up. For telling him when he's having a bad day. For asking for distance when he needs it and closeness when he feels like he will drift away. For admitting to messing up, when he falls back into bad habits of self-destruction and isolation. For doing a grocery run by himself even though he goes home almost shaking and has to spend the next hours under a blanket on the couch, because it was simply too much. For crying when he talks about memories that he tried his hardest to forget but he just can't. For asking for help and letting II help him, even though it's hard. It's really hard, and Vessel apologizes for it, for being fucked-up and broken and damaged goods. For wasting II's time and being a burden, a needy, greedy thing. Wretched. Minus human.
But II tells him he loves him and that he could never be a burden. That he will always be worth it, he always has been, and that he's sorry that people in Vessel's past couldn't see it. Couldn't see him for all that he is. For the friend who pays attention to little details so he can show his friend how much he values him. For the guy who bakes his friend a complicated cake for his birthday because he off-handedly told him he can't even remember what it tasted like, even though it used to be his favorite. For the amazing composer who can capture emotions one doesn't realize one has. For the hard-working, curious kid who thought that being obedient and not questioning authority was the way to earn praise and affection. For the little boy who thought something was wrong with him, that he did or didn't do something and that is why he couldn't feel loved. For the child who cried and cried, silent and under the cover of the night, hoping that no one would hear (and secretly hoping that somebody would and they would come and save him from the gaping emptiness that made its home in his chest, way too big and scary for a boy that little). For the boy and then the man who couldn't cry anymore but thought that that is more than alright, at least he can finally keep it all inside. For the partner who allowed himself to be vulnerable with someone he trusted. For the partner who made sure his other knew he was always welcome, even though his brain sometimes tried to tell him otherwise. For the partner who grew comfortable with expressing casual affection so much that terms like 'darling' became second nature to him (and for the way he blushed when II told him that). For the man who learned to accept that it's okay to admit to not being okay, to need someone, to want to not feel alone, to feel cherished, to have his feelings validated. For the man who can tell his partner anything and does, because he knows he can speak his mind and that there will be someone who listens.
II wanted to see Vessel. Vessel let him. Even before he showed the uglier and less than perfect parts of himself, II loved him all the same. It was never about being 'good' and silent and compliant. Vessel is good. Vessel is not good. He's amazing. He's perfect. He's wonderful. He's cherished. He's incredible. He's valued. He's seen. He's listened to. He's heard. He's finally, finally loved. Has been for longer than he dared to think. Will soon be by more people than he thought possible.
#Vessel was a gifted kid who tried to push through burnout and mental illness#waiting for someone to tell him they see and love him and are proud of him#and you can't change my mind#making myself sad first thing in the morning#what else is new#<- it's night since then but this still applies#yes i included a Metallica reference (almost two). fight me (please don't i have shrimp-like arms and get scared easily)#also#tumblr scared the crap out of me earlier#i posted this privately after it posted instead of saving it as a draft#and apparently it was visible#and i got so freaking scared cause this wasn't finished#so i apologize for deleting and reposting#but my heart stopped for a moment and i whispered like 10 'shitshitshit's at my computer#i should be reading for a class tomorrow#sleep token headcanons#buba writes
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hey melissa ending fix-it but paul's been slowly recovering with emma when he meets pete. pete, whose brother was murdered in front of paul. pete, whose brother paul likely blames himself for the death of. pete, who looks incredibly similar to his brother. pete, who doesn't have a brother anymore. and paul is thrown straight back into his mindset directly after ted's death, and pete is grieving and concerned, and emma doesn't know what to do. angst ensues.
#why do i do this to myself#i want to make them suffer together#hey melissa's still on the brain#i read welcome2myworld's gift fic#(my home my saviour my firefighter on ao3)#and it is so good#and now i can't stop thinking about hm again#rip paul get whumped in my docs for a second time#paul matthews#starkid#hatchetverse#team starkid#hatchetfield#fanfiction writer#peter spankoffski#pete spankoffski#emma perkins#ted spankoffski#hey melissa#nightmare time#nmt#what if#fix it#well i say fix it#i unstockholmed paul#and gave him an emma#so that's at least better than the ending of hm shjhjgk#paulkins#they own my heart
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With the release of From The Rehearsal Room - Tokyo to Ramin's youtube I finally, finally, continue and finish this side project I'm doing.
Initially, I used AI to mastered it because the first version I got from bilibili were not in good quality but I wasn't satisfied and I found the much better quality. But with Ramin uploaded it to youtube, I re did all the mastering just with audacity for both Part 1 and Part 2. The Part 2 is still from the better version I found from bilibili, by the way.
What you need to do is just download the file and put it on your music player. The metadata is all completed as if it's whole legit album. Enjoy, guys!!
And I'm being weird so all the lyrics that are put there are from my listening although I still use what I found online but I still listened and compared. They made few ad-libs and changes and I notice because for the songs that I wasn't familiar, the lyric that I found online and what they sang was slightly different. Perhaps they sing the newer version of the lyrics or mistakes? Even each Sheytoons songs they sing one in both parts differ from the ones I found online.
Another sample from my favorite:
Source and Credits Part 1 | Part 2 (Ramin's upload) Album cover Photos
Vocal & Guitar: Ramin Karimloo, Hadley Fraser Piano: Ryohei Mori
#from the rehearsal room#ramin karimloo#hadley fraser#more to come probably idk we'll see#i should've also continue that eight letters project *sigh#sheytoons#edit: the lyrics hehe#add: tbh after i read steal our moments lyric so many times i even transcripted this mostly myself#bcs this is the only one among all the songs in this session that doesn't have the lyric online because they sang this so rare like soo rar#why am i starting to feel this song is about sierra lol sorry but my inner shipping heart can't resist#i even consult chatgpt (i know why idk but just asking really)#aren't all sheytoons songs written when ramin was in LND? written exactly in his dressing room in adelphi theatre???#and tbh most of sheytoons song are mostly about observing women but who idk it could be different#one of them could be about mandy and the other could be about rosalie because i know at that time she and hadley were dating already right?#or it could be some random lady#steal our moments: perhaps it's about a fleeting or secret relationship#the first verse is that the girl is full of life (house full could mean fulfilling life) but she is lonely and sierra lived alone in london#the singer and her share dreams and memories and then she plays her game of make believe could indicate that both of them are actors#every night and every day this is what we do: that's their work. they're on stage together every day every night. and ofc spending time tgt#and then the reff is about the singer doesn't want keep living like this bcs it makes him guilty maybe? he's tearing his soul apart#the singer can't stop thinking about her so he prays that things work on in the correct way even though they can't do anything about it now#so yea :D#fish noodle couple
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hey if it wasn't clear. i don't know how it wouldn't be but apparently it isn't. if you are transphobic or a t*rf you are not welcome to follow this account. i screen follows for this and block with abandon. the artist is transgender. a transsexual, even. there is nothing here for you. how did you get here. hello
#there is nothing anywhere for you in fact. hope this helps!#half of the images on this blog: being trans rules here's some art of my favourite characters who i know to be trans on my heart#average t*rf etc.: is for me?#BTW. i use tumblr mobile so i can't use the extension and therefore i do in fact have to manually check for this and occasionally#it's not obvious but brother if it ever becomes clear to me?? it's over for that person#i know this post won't stop them bc they won't read. However i must apparently repeat myself and make things that are obvious clear. sad!
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thats not leaking blood the colours are just a little stylized 😭 i cant be the only person who genuinely likes that portrait
I said if u squint it looks that way, I understand that it's not the intention bud. And ur probably not the only one but it's certainly a niche opinion. Like I've been racking my brain to think of reasons the artist might want to make it look like he was painting on a meat canvas and none of them are particularly flattering to ol king chuck. The artist wanted the military uniform to fade into the background to bring the man himself into better focus and humanise him. Which. yeah trying to cover over their violent history by humanising themselves is certainly what the royal family are going for these days so shoutout to the artist for getting the assignment ig lmao. And the one fucking incongruous butterfly that was apparently Charles' idea really gets me
Anyway no royal portrait was gonna work for me, in the same way that I'd be pissed if my landlord was like "hey look what I spent ur rent money on" and it was a fuckin statue of themselves, yk? Royal portraits in general are flimsy fuckin propaganda that waste our damn money, and this one is no different to me, it's just a more self-serving version
#apologies for the shinigami eyes link. it's a guardian article#like the look of the painting is kind of neither here nor there to me. like it's a weird choice but I'd hate it either way#looking at ur tags I can't disagree that it's an accurate representation of the man#it was also queen camilla's impression of the portrait apparently. like yea that's definitely him#like yea there's a lot of technical skill on display. obviously. they're royalty. they can afford the best in the business#it's just high quality art in service of a useless subject#and like I said there are some real negative ways that an anti-monarchist like myself can read the artistic choices made#I'm not convinced that he's not on our side lmao#and who's paying for this portrait? the taxpayers? during a cost of living crisis? or is it cash from the duchy he inherited#or is it leftover money from his fuckin tax dodge#like my main opinion on the portrait is: stop trying to make king charles happen. it's not gonna happen#the way the media has desperately tried to get charles the same affection as the queen is pathetic#british monarchy abolished in my lifetime let's make it happen
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queenmaker should be coming in the next few days, depending on whether i have bad hayfever or a cold today - this is supposed to be my holiday week, so i would expect that i am actually sick, but then also i've passed out for every hour i haven't been at work today so i'm both caught up and screwed up on sleep ready for my half days 😭😂
#i may also have just pushed it too far yesterday#but like idk i was just vibing and then the hayfever gutpunched me at midnight#i think i let my guard down about having a holiday and my body was like 'don't need to stop cold germs coming in!' happens every gd time#it's a reminder not to let it happen at christmas#anyway to those still reading today has been really weird#i'm totally fine at work the hayfever even went away#but at home? literally can't keep my eyes open#i wanted to play a game tonight and between 5 and 9 i've watched two hours of tiktoks and lain facedown on the couch like a coma patient#and eaten tin spaghetti and toast that i slightly burnt for dinner#because i left my pasta out last night and i thought i had food poisoning this morning so i convinced myself the pasta is evil#which doesn't logically make sense but that's anxiety for you lol#anyway i actually have woken back up again a bit while i'm sitting here so maybe there's something left in me
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why does consuming content destroy me. i am so bad at this. why can't i just read books and play video games like a normal person
#e#i'm sorry for this but i never make posts with essays in the tags so bear with me for once#every time i find a new Thing it eats me alive until i can forget about it#after i finished earthbound i cried for 2 days straight. u think i am exaggerating but i am not... it was scary. i could not stop bawling#when i read the locked tomb series i was literally emotionally destroyed for a whole ass month#while i had the books out from the library i just kept reading them. and rereading them. and rereading them#and i read really fast so i probably read each book like 5 times at least. and the emotional parts i read over dozens of times#anyway this time my Thing is lore olympus. i read all of lore olympus in two days and now i don't know what to do with myself#(ok to be fair i was caught up in like 2021 but it's been a while so i had to start from the beginning again)#side note: i can't wait for alecto to come out so i can be completely destroyed for the rest of my life
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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
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every ounce of kindness and understanding leaves my body the second my breathing is restricted. if my asthmatic ass finds you smoking at a bus stop I want you dead and I mean that
#especially funny when they've got the queer liberal uniform and wanna smile like they're friendly#no bitch we are not friends. we are not gonna be within 12 feet of each other and that's lucky for you#because I would not be able to control myself if you were in arm's reach#buy all the weed socks and blm merch from kitchy white girls in overpriced boutiques that you want but we are not on the same side#if you're reading this and thinking 'but /I/ smoke at bus stops it's fine-' stop fucking doing that#if it's a public space that other people need to be in for transportation. you do not get to make the air unbreathable#unless I also get to strangle you to death to even the playing field#you especially don't get to act like a disability advocate or some shit if you can't actually respect other health conditions
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y'all really have got to sit on your ass and think about why people make things, and whether it's worth shooting down what they've made or not lol.
i just saw a multitude of posts shooting down correspondence lists. and like, maybe it's my fatigue speaking but i feel the witchcraft community would be a lot safer if you spoke out with such conviction against actual issues. i promise there are more dangerous things out there than something people create to be helpful.
especially towards those with difficulty reading, short attention spans, memory issues, whatever will make personal research a huge challenge. while likely not the intention, correspondence lists do help keep vital information accessible towards a good amount of disabled folk. and once again, people have an issue with that, surprise.
#bun talks#i make correspondence lists to be helpful towards ANYONE who can't do the work for whatever reason#plus i'm usually in that field of people myself. i can't read well and most would jump on that to say i shouldn't#be a witch for that lmfao#anyway#maybe question why people do magic a certain way (again)#i feel like i'm the only person saying 'can people stop shitting on disabled ways of doing things?' (again)
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look at my fanfic boy
#atlas.art#artists on tumblr#who killed markiplier#wkm oc#markiplier tv#it feels so weird posting on ao3 for the first time in 2 years I have to keep telling myself it's just for funnsies it's not that serious#anyways read it or whatever lol#do links still stop stuff from showing up in tags? I can't keep track of the bugs on this website at this point#this silly cover drawing took so long I literally gave up on shading it its just been haunting me in the photoshop menu for like a month#it's fucking cool though#for the record I've got like eight chapters written for this already I just have not decided on a posting schedule yet#probably once a week until I catch up with the backlog at that point I make no promises in terms of timely updates lol#anyways I'm gonna stop rambling in the tags because at this point I think I'm just stalling posting this#inheritancefic
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