#i can't live here but i can't leave
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My mom got mad at me this morning bc "I never talk to her," but every time we try to really talk, it turns into a massive fight (guess what happened 15 minutes ago)
I can't even ask questions without them eventually leading down a road where she keeps cutting me off and begins to yell at me. Obviously I'm taking a tone with you. Not only am I literally just speaking to you in the way that you speak to me, but being spoken down to for 22 years really teaches you that it doesn't matter How I speak to you, you won't ever Listen. Idk. I'm tired of living in a house where I can't even try to talk to my parents about the smaller stressors that I have.
Tried to bring up what's been going on the past few months bc she accused me of being depressed and lazy and. Yeah. I was depressed for 3 months. Thank you So much for noticing. It really speaks volumes to me that you didn't say anything about it while I was going through it?? I tried explaining that a new medication (that she knew I was taking!!! I told her when I switched to it!) Was causing me immense brain fog and seriously scary suicidal ideations that I did nearly act on.
And she got pissed and started yelling bc I never talk to her, and when I asked her to stop yelling she told me that she's gonna yell because she shouldn't be made to feel like this in her own house. She just went through a massive surgery and she's had to walk on eggshells around us when we should have been taking care of her (which we did. And it fucking tears me apart that she doesn't realize how much of my own life I've given up already to make sure she's been taken care of) and she's done with tiptoeing around all of us and she just kept going and going and going and going and going because she doesn't actually ever know when to fucking stop.
No shit we don't talk. Every single time I try to talk with you it ends up like this. With me trying to calm down after stepping away after you've accused me of some wild shit and when I come back to try to talk normally you're still yelling. In fact, you're more incensed than before.
For some reason she thinks adhd medication will fix everything. Like it's some sort of cure all and I don't have a decent handle on it. And every time I bring up that I've done some research and I feel like I might be on the autism spectrum she tells me that's stupid and people are making a trend of it and that's why I feel that way and I shouldn't think that because none of us (myself and two younger sisters) are autistic.
If none of this makes any sense to anyone reading, know that that's how Every Single conversation with her goes. If she's not in a good mood she's going to bring you down to her level of emotion. She will make it about her through the stupidest methods possible, and after being emotionally manipulated like that my entire life it's hard to see exactly what's going on because she comes at you so fast.
#my post#i know that I'm already forgetting things about it bc every time this happens my brain is trying to protect itself i guess#so i block out what went on so that i can continue living in this shitty ass fucking house with these shitty fucking people#and i try to avoid them most of the time and that's still not enough#because then it gets me in trouble later#i don't know what to do anymore#i can't live here but i can't leave#like i literally can't leave.#i don't have the money and no one will take care of my stinky awful cat that i wouldn't be able to bring anywhere with me#and i like my room#and i know that's stupid for everything i have to deal with but i finally created a semi safe space for just Me#(and the cat. i want her litterbox out eventually so my room won't smell)#but i finally have my own space#i grew up sharing a room and people always barge into my area but it's My Area#i don't want to leave that im worried that they'll get rid of all of my things if i have to leave some stuff behind#I'm too stressed for this to be a safe environment to keep living in though#i don't know what to do#I'm scared
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the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)
#we should have had the option to leave him in the fade instead of hawke or a warden#he would've just annoyedly shuffled his way back out of there a week later#dragon age#dragon age origins#first enchanter irving#he must be SO annoying to the chantry because it's heavily implied he's made his playground#out of tirelessly finding technicalities and loopholes to exploit that they can't *quite* call him on without domino effects going off#I think first enchanter in the circle system at origins times is a position that invariably and inevitably leaves you morally compromised#but I feel he really does his best within the rules he's given to play with and personally i love him a bit for that. and also#for being an unkillable lil shit. insufferable. inconquerable in his 'I'm about to be such an annoyance to you' impish spirit.#the I'm going to suffer but guess what. so are you of it all. traumatize the chantry back#I just imagine sophia sending letters home right before the vote for independence like '...dad I am hearing some INSANE rumours out here#what the actual fuck is going on back home???'#and he's like 'nothing that you need to worry about sweetie just keep living your best life and have fun killing darkspawn <3'#(there's something that makes me feel So much about how consistently his stance is like... 'you'll always be welcome here#but the circle doesn't *need* you; go be a warden and live your life'. he managed to fineagle freedom for you somehow and won't let you#turn and glance back. not even once. I feel somehow both so abandoned and so incredibly loved it's wild)#oc: sophia amell
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Market based mistakes.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen chao#wen zhuliu#Apologies for how much I skipped in the last part of this episode.#I do love the scene of Jiang Cheng regaining his will to live and the ensuing scenes of Wei Wuxian seeing him off at the mountain base.#At the same time I very much want to keep pressing on with the story.#The notes I have are for scenes I did not draw:#I still think a lot about the symbolism of food in both consumption and giving - especially in regards to the Yunmeng Trio.#Prior to JC leaving we see WWX out buying food for him. Something that initially falls through as JC runs back to Lotus Pier.#But here it comes back full circle. WWX gives away a part of himself to be 'consumed' by Jiang Cheng.#It is about being led by desire (JC wanting revenge to losing his will to live to wanting his core back)#and about being bound by duty to do whatever it takes to see those desires through to the end.#JC can't eat until he has his desire to live back. WWX carves out his own ambitions to help another reach theirs.#And it isn't held up as noble! Not even once! He is routinely punished and criticized for this sacrifice.#Being thrown into the burial mounds really is just symbolism for how we can give away every scrap of ourselves to others-#-and find ourselves at rock bottom. Alone.#When you hollow yourself out it just leaves room for something else to fill it. Something worse.
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finally giving fem danyal her own au and fulfilling my 'danny is an animal whisperer' agenda at the same time: mother of monsters danyal 2.0
i say "2.0" because TECHNICALLY 'mother of monsters danyal' is an au I made back in June for Dark fem!Danyal (who I promptly named Layal). However, I haven't posted much for her yet, and I like the "mother of monsters" premise too much to leave it only to Layal. Plus Danyal in that au was going to become the mother of monsters anyway, just with significantly less world domination and mass extinction.
'Animal whisperer' Danny has been something I've been thinking about since my latest DP 'wolfpack au' post and it's! So fun to think about, and who no better to assign the idea to than Danyal Al Ghul? Who comes from a family infamously known for their love of animals and nature?
Fem Danyal is just purely self-indulgent. *gestures wildly at her* i just lomvb,,, her,,,, I've only really mentioned her in context of the 'Things in Threes' au/my first Danyal al Ghul au with the facial scar, but she's!!! I love her. She deserves her own au <33
So kill three birds with one stone! Make a post about it.
Anyways, Danny has a large lair. Similar to cult leader danyal, her lair is a giant mountain region resembling nanda parbat with a big temple/palace-like area built into the mountain. It's large, it's overflowing with natural flora, with its own mini-floating islands hovering over some areas, and it's also completely empty.
Danny takes one look at her lair upon first meeting, -- noting that it looked relatively smaller from the outside -- and promptly, with the elegance of an Al Ghul, goes "What the hell??" Because yes, while she does enjoy her own solitude and privacy, this is a bit ridiculous.
For heaven's sake, there's even a massive lake in there! What's she going to do with all this space? Can she make it any smaller? Why is it so big in the first place? This looks borderline like one of the mega-islands!
She finds out later that apparently, the amount of ectoplasm a ghost has can have an effect on the size of their lair. And since she has such a large core, her lair reflects that. Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, it's bigger on the inside so it doesn't take up "too much space" on the outside. Don't worry about it too much.
Danyal isn't totally opposed to having such a large lair, she's just... a bit baffled by it. It feels like so much wasted space is all. All this flora and no fauna to enjoy it with. It's practically eerie.
She decorates her temple-palace area, transforming rooms to match her needs as she sees fit. In the center of the inner gardens is a massive tree that she likes to climb, with twisting, winding branches. Sam and Tucker have honorary rooms, even if they can't safely leave the specter speeder for long periods of time, even with proper safety equipment. So does Jazz. Ali (Dani) has one too, but he can actually use that one, and Danny brought him to her lair so he could decorate it himself.
She has a personal garden, but for the most part she lets the flora exist as it is. Too much space to cultivate it en masse anyways.
Skip to a few weeks later, on her next visit to Clockwork. She developed a habit of going to see him semi-regularly just because. She enjoys his wisdom, and he has a lot of stories to tell, and when he's not being the cryptic and esoteric timekeeper, he's a bit goofy.
(pushing my dadwork agenda here,,, i think Danny deserves to go 'hey, Lord Clockwork, do you want me to buy you something' while she's at walmart, only to receive a singular glowing sticky note that says 'cucumber gatorade'.)
(She insists on referring to him with his proper titles even for the most mundane of things because it's proper, but Clockwork sees a future where she eventually calls him "Cee" and by all things in existence is he determined to get there. Anyways,,,)
On her next visit to Clockwork, just as she is about to leave, Clockwork stops her and goes; "Ah, I have something for you. Hold out your hands."
Danny does as such, and Clockwork doesn't give out things often, so her curiosity has spiked to the highest levels. He turns away from her for a moment, using his staff to summon whatever it is he needs, and when he turns around.
He drops a fish into her hands. Granted, a fish in a small glass tank. But a fish nonetheless. A small one, roughly about the size of her finger, with a blue-black, eel-shaped body and four sets of glowing eyes. She can see thin, almost translucent, but spiny fins down its back and the start of bioluminescent markings. It's swimming around in circles in its small container.
"Lord Clockwork." Danyal says all too calmly.
"Yes, Danyal?"
"What is this?"
"That is an adolescent leviathan, Danyal." She’s transfixed onto the tank, but she doesn’t need to see Clockwork’s face to hear the smile he’s stifling.
The myriad of emotions that runs through her all at once threatens to overwhelm her, and she can’t tell if the feelings are negative or positive. So she carefully closes her eyes to breathe in through her nose.
“Clockwork.”
“Ah, I see you’ve dropped formalities.”
She ignores that.
“Why have you given me an adolescent leviathan?”
She's expecting the trickster to look amused when she opens her eyes. Instead, he just looks endeared. "I know you're fond of animals," he says, "and you always look amazed when you come across an animal of the realms. So I thought you might enjoy taking care of the young beast, it's mother is dead so it has no one to care for it."
Oh.
"But, if you don't like it," Clockwork's hands reach out for the tank, "I can simply take it back--"
Danyal shifts the tank out from his reach and hugs it possessively. "I never said that. How do I care for it?"
And so clockwork gives her a list, and when Danyal returns to her lair, she sets up a large tank in her room for the leviathan to swim in -- it's much too small for the lake right now, she thinks. She'll feel better if it's somewhere she can find it. She names him Suhā.
Suhā grows quickly, and by the end of the mortal month she transforms one of the rooms into a large pond for him to swim around in. He's a very loyal beast, recognizing her as it's mother of some kind. Danyal takes great care ensuring that her beastie gets quality care, and Suhā swims to the surface to see her when he senses her in the room.
It spirals from there. Somehow, Pandora catches wind that Clockwork gave her a leviathan, and so the next time Danyal visits the Greater Athens, she gives her a baby chimera. It's eyes are still sealed shut, Danyal can't bring herself to say no. She names the little beastie Firas.
Frostbite hears about it too, and not to be outdone, gives her an animal she's never even heard of. Infinite-realms born, apparently. A fox-like creature with two small horns like an impala, four eyes, and tall legs. The name isn't something she's quite sure how to write down, and she's positive that her friends won't be able to comprehend it. She names her Eira.
Getting the three of them used to each other was... interesting. Suhā tried to eat Firas when Danyal first introduced the two, and they've hated each other ever since. Firas and Eira are seemingly getting along. Her island already feels full enough with the three of them on it.
Of course, that's not the end of it. With her luck, she begins stumbling across other monsters. Realms-borne or otherwise. An injured hydra in the Grecian islands that, through lots of trial and error, Danyal is able to rehabilitate and heal. It routinely comes to visit her afterwards.
A griffin with a broken wing that she moves permanently to the island that likes to keep to itself, but tends to come down when she's near. It gets along best with Firas.
A panther-like monster from the Shades Woods that had six legs and three tails, with ends that reminded her of a venus flytrap. It stuck around the heavy foliage and she can only make out where it was when she saw its golden eyes reflect.
She befriends a young indrik with its leg injured, and much like the hydra it follows her back to her island, and stays there in the mountains. It comes out when she's alone, much like her other beasts.
She receives two more leviathan -- one from clockwork, and one she finds herself while exploring the deeper and darker recesses of the Ghost Zone. It was huddled against the carcass of its mother, and she managed to befriend and get close enough to it to bring it back to her island. Suhā is fully grown by then, with a head bigger than Danyal herself and he still likes to stick her head out of the water for nuzzles when she's near.
He's not very happy with his new siblings, but he's not trying to eat them when she's not looking. So she calls it a win in her book.
And it's not just large beasts either; smaller animals begin popping up when she's not looking. Bird-like creatures and small mammals, and she swears she saw a doe (or something resembling a doe) grazing in the forest while she was walking by.
She takes back with her a lone snake egg once, and it grows so big it wraps around her island and sleeps with its massive head on the mountain beside the temple, like some smaller breed of Jörmungandr.
And on and on it goes. Some of the beasts she comes across never step foot onto her island, some of them follow her back, while others she has to carry back. Not all of the ones that follow her stay, and Danny rehabilitates the injured and releases them when they're fully healed.
It's hectic, and busy, and frankly she loves it. Some of her rehabilitated beasts return to visit her, or to have their children somewhere on the island, or whatever it is they need to do.
She becomes a bit infamous for it. She goes to visit Dorathea once, and as she's walking through the streets she can hear some of the denizens whispering while she walks past.
"Is that her?"
"Her highness' friend? Yes--"
"--that's the one--"
"--Mother of monsters--"
Danny's not sure how to feel about that.
Although, she can't say she's opposed.
Danyal Al Ghul, Mother of monsters, raiser of beasts. It has a nice ring to it.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc prompt#fem danny fenton#fem danyal al ghul#mother of monsters danny#if anyone wants to hear about Layal specifically I'd be HAPPY to tell you about her. she's inspired by the song 'scylla' from epic#you can't leave me with dark danny for too long i give him depth if i do. anyways i gave layal mommy issues. she has a complicated view on#danyal and both loves and hates her in equal measure. she killed her out of mercy. she's her mother her sister her other half.#she despises her. she misses her. she'll never see her again. she sees her every time she looks in the mirror. she's 24. she's 10 years old#can you tell that i made layal during a time where i was thinking about the 'dan is danny's kid' dpdc trope bc that's exactly what happened#*holds dad!clockwork up like potato.* 'i just think he's neat :)'#i am incapable of making things only cracky. i must make it meaningful in some way or another.#MMMM i have to cut it off here before it gets too looooNNGGG.#if this flops i'll be sad :((#i just think the idea that danyal has her own little world on her island is neat. she's got dragons and wyrms and serpents and giant wolves#and griffins and one time there's a sphinx although she doesn't stay permanently. Danyal has a blast answering her riddles though.#that panther is based off the dnd displacer beast. there's little salamanders and gazelles with three eyes. there's more sea monsters than#just suhā and the other two leviathans but i couldnt think of any. im obsessed with the sea serpents if you havent notice LMFAO.#there's pegasi and a manticore and a ton of infinite realms monsters that are just an assortment of animals slapped together#the shades woods are a mega-island idea that i had. they're where a bunch of the “shades ghosts” are from. Its this large forest area with#megaflora trees similar to the redwood forest with canopies so thick and wide that no light can reach the bottom. so all of the native faun#living there have adapted to live in the shadows. there are a few villages that live in tall tree houses like the ewok villages that outsid#ghosts can go visit. the panther that's from there is very fond of danyal honestly. anyways yEAH ANIMAL WHISPERER DANNY.#her beasties are all animals up until she's like. 19. where she promptly steals an infant minotaur from a Legends Islands near Pandora#he wasn't being treated well okay!!! she couldn't stand by and watch. his name is asterion. he's a year old. and she'll kill for him.#i dont have enough tags to talk about Damian or her family >:T. just know that i am leaning into her assassin bg as usual :)
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WhatsApp simply forced an AI inside of it's app and the thing is SO UGLY. Literally ugly! There's a hovering button and it's colors aren't even in the WhatsApp colors so now the main page makes me feel so overwhelmed..... i hate it so much
#rant#->#and no i cant leave the app#whatsapp is the most used app in brazil#we simply cannot live without it. it's our communication method#telegram is filled with right wingers#ughhhhhh#now my statuses are filled with all my contacts 'having fun' with it#friends etc#feels like losing a war for real#i hate it here. i hate how everything in brazil ends up in pizza (national expression for 'every discussion will end up in a joke')#nobody really cares about nothing at all. they will fight as long as nobody spits a joke out. once someone does we're all friends again#this is why we can't get shit done#im so tired#sorry for the rant#nonsims#non sims
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There are two wolves inside me. One wants to embrace a new hobby in dance so I can be active and feel elegant and graceful and strong. This wolf wants to try something new and exciting, finally indulging in something I've always had an interest in.
The other experiences such frustrating emotions on a near daily basis that I want to go back to boxing, which is arguably easier to break into since I've already done it before. This wolf doesn't think of elegance, she just wants to fuck shit up until her body's so overworked and warm it fogs up car windows without having to do anything but sit inside.
Which one do I fucking feed??
#t. lee woes#like. do you know how hard it is trying to start something new that you've never done at all ever before??#and you've got no mode of transport until december - and ONLY if things go well#and now you're contemplating ways to mkre regularly earn a bit of money to afford the classes since paying weekly means my income#would wind up like $9 a fortnight since $40 would be spent by the end of each fortnight#it wouldn't necessarily be stagnant but it's not a desirable position to be in#I still have stuff saved up in a jar but I'm always hesitant to dip into that stuff#originally it was going toward a violin and lessons for that but I'm putting it off in favour of something a bit easier to dedicate time to#boxing is easy. in fact I could get support from my fam for that cause they like it#they don't see the point in dancing but I really want to at least try it and I'm worried about affording each term if I do end up liking it#also I already have boxing gear from before#but I'm hesitant about boxing at the moment for a lot of reasons I can't quite articulate but weirdly might have something to do with#internalised misogyny and biases... which is WILD cause my dad supports women learning martial arts#I can't do karate though I tried that and the class drove me a little insane#and it doesn't push you the same way boxing does and I really like to be pushed#if I don't leave sweating and hot and lungs and muscles aching then what's the point?? I can do mediocre exercise at home#and find more intense martial arts classes that also teach other kinds of self-defense#it's like... ehhhh#anyway but also I want to do something that's for fun that isn't so Serious Fight Mode#hence dancing#but I can only afford one not both and basically I'm grumpy today cause I was gonna trial a dance class - got ready and everything - but#my ride was suddenly unavailable. and I still can't stomach public transport. nor am I good at navigating it#it feels so different here compared to where I used to live - and I knew trains better not buses
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oh it’s quite literally over for me goodbye
#still here can't leave i live here in the 7 seconds of ja'marr unable to keep from smiling now#ja'marr chase#who the fuck#big hands etc#but that smile……….#down horrendous im sorry
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Can I be real for a second? I don't think L giving a foot massage to Light was very in-character of him. Like manga!L would've totally scoffed at how pathetic anime!L appeared when he did that.
I like the rain scene bc it's really pretty (also Light MOANS bc of L? *sighs* yeah i ship lawlight) but I'm always so ?? at anime!L's behavior? The anime made L way too melancholic and y'know self-deprecating kinda guy. In contrast, manga!L (whom I love to death) is so so confident in doing what he's doing and has the time of his life during the Kira case as he's intellectually challenged (by Light) as he figures out the case little by little.
I don't get where the anime creators got the idea that L is a very sad character who cares about justice so much so that he's actually Justice itself? Manga!L enjoys solving cases. I'm not saying that L doesn't care about justice at all- just that he cares more about winning.
So, the anime creators looked at a character who cares about winning (& his own ego) than everything else and decided to... make him give a foot massage to his nemesis (surprise surprise bible symbolism featuring L as Jesus *🤮* coming up) apparently due to accepting Light's (boy's first debut as Judas) 'betrayal' how can there be betrayal when there was no trust between them in the first place and saying "It is the least I can do to atone for my sins"...
The only way I could've made a little sense of this is if L was mocking Kira with that line but the anime just had to go above & beyond to make it (L's actions) seem too genuine for that to be true. which is. so. FRUSTRATING
Manga!L wouldn't have done anything like that. Not even ironically (he'd have thought it to be below him for pretending to be accepting his defeat mockingly to Kira). Even Manga!L's not enough of a bastard to try to compare himself with Jesus (and just after knowing (god knows how) that he's going to die)- like that's too stupid omg: even for a mockery.
Does he actually think that Light would pick up on the (him as Jesus) symbolism and be like 'oh no! L is too noble like Jesus to die by my betrayal i'm such a bad judas how come i NEVER NOTICED THIS BEFORE'... and decide to spare L's life? Or embrace his inner Judas like the bad bitch he is and finish L for that godawful mockery of Jesus?
Whenever I think about Anime!Light's in-character reaction I crack up as it would be smth like 'wow this guy who graduated summa cum laude from torture university is pretending to be Jesus? lol what a real piece of work. would've expected better from you L: so pathetic lmao i hope rem kills you soon i'm so done with you rn- rip 💀'
Manga!L (if he knew he were going to die (don't know how that's possible in the anime; still we're talking about how the anime creators seem to see L as Jesus so ~anything is possible~) that is) would never go 'guess i'll die' accept his defeat offering a foot massage to his enemy and inwardly throw a pity party being all "… It'll be lonely, won't it?" GIRL you were the one going on & about how you'd EXECUTE Kira once you catch him on live tv (also saying that you'd bring Kira's head to the task force) I REALLY doubt you'd feel lonely if either one of you were to die- that (killing each other) was the point!!
Manga!L is a selfish character: he values his victory above all else so the anime making him accept defeat that easily + gracefully doesn't sit well with me.
#death note#l lawliet#light yagami#manga vs anime#manga!L#anime!L#anime!Light#the rain scene#the foot massage scene#yes i ship lawlight; no i don't think the rain scene was very faithful to L's character in the manga; yes we exist#as you can see i rlly RLLY don't like anime's take on L: i prefer the og manga!L :)#anime!L just isn't my cup of tea#manga!L's confidence in his assholery is much rather appreciated#i keep thinking about how i don't like certain parts of dn anime: the first of which being this rain scene#the second being how the anime handles Sayu's kidnapping and Light's reaction to it#but that's a can of worms i'll open later#i can't shut up apparently so here's a teaser: Light wouldn't have MURDERED Sayu OH MY GOD READ THE GODDAMN MANGA#in which he bends over backwards to protect her! and succeeds!! (at the cost of losing the death note to Mello) would you look at that??#yeah i'm aware anime!Light doesn't kill Sayu but the way he's shown seriously considering it#(and choosing to let her live only so as to not increase suspicion)#leaves me so ANGRY#SAYU MEANS A LOT TO LIGHT OK?#he would not fucking do that#aaaaand....end rant#p#my meta#sorta#100
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Probably die first in a horror movie
#fgo#servant summer camp~chaldea's thriller night~#i had a lot of fun with this event but I keep forgetting to post pics about it lmao#XuFu and paisen were a delight-exact same in unhinged#my anxiety ridden purse dog that bites XuFu :)#I usually dislike anything illya prisma but this illya is okay she suffered for our sins#wished we had more sibling interactions and more emiya being nerdy#the advance team really had the time of their lives while we're fighting for our lives#gintama reference if you know you know#really out here having wildly different experiences on murder mountain#double lake really took me out the first time like that can't explain everything->explains everything#nito somehow became the manager of discount hell#wished we communicated across the lake with morse code using the bus sign and sigurd's glasses#sigurd....bestie....you are not helping your case here#kiara: how big that dick boi#guda: small. leave me alone.
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Super indulgent angsty idea, but at some point, I'd love to write a version of your princess timeline where Hunter does get hyper murdered by belos. Then, he promptly uses his codependency superpowers to become a ghost and haunt Luz.
Luz desperately trying to ressurect him. Hunter desperately trying to get her to take care of herself
The titan chosen empress and her golden guard will never be separated again....
(Yes I just finished harrow the ninth and yes I'm in my feelings about it)
LOVE ME A GOOD HAUNTING.... the OG concept for the worst timeline AU did have hunter getting killed for real (hence why it's the "worst" timeline) but then everyone (me included) was like. maybe we can be nice to luz instead,,,
anyway, may i pitch: luz can see and talk to ghost!hunter, But. she doesn't believe he's real. she takes enormous comfort in him and she's kind to him and the whole time, she's certain he's a desperately-conjured figment of her imagination. bc the REAL hunter would never be so loving or forgiving or kind to her after she's gotten him killed....
(yes he would.)
luz trying so hard to find a way to bring him back to life even though she's so certain alive!hunter will hate her while ghost!hunter is like okay. but maybe you could take a nap also. maybe you could sleep for like 2 minutes. food for thought
one thing luz and her definitely-not-real brain ghost hunter 100% agree on is that a grimwalker would not solve the problem. but luz is kind of jealous of belos for ever having thought a grimwalker would solve HIS problems. if she could love a copy of hunter as much as the real thing then life would be a lot easier!!!
#replies#princess luz au#princess luz au worst timeline#major character death#horrible mindscape trauma pals#this specific concept diverges in my head from the OG worst timeline in that im thinking luz doesnt leave the isles here#she manages to crazy murder belos before being dragged to the human realm but not before uh. the worst happens#but ough. much to consider.#the fraughtness of luz being like now you can't change or grow or age or interact with anyone other than me or live your own life#and hunter being like i don't need to do those things#and luz being like YES YOU DO. because if you don't want those things then you were just dead the whole time i knew you#and i'm the one who killed you.....#toh#princess luz au ghost timeline
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sometimes i like to think that horror comes to dust's room late at night just to talk to phantom papyrus. no he doesn't wanna talk to dust. horror probably doesn't even CARE if dust's awake at the asscrack of dawn or rambling off to the hallucination too loudly this late at night because he just wants to talk to phantom papyrus
horror's not delusional enough to believe that phantom paps is actually real and his own papyrus like dust does but sometimes he really wants to,,,, so just for these short moments between them he wants to pretend that the hallucination is his papyrus. that he gets to talk to his own brother before everything went to shit and before he ruined his brother's life. yeah sure phantom paps kinda says some crazy stuff that horror's papyrus never would back then but so what?? dust's papyrus is the closest thing he's got and at least he doesn't have to deal with the guilt at even LOOKING at his brother's face (the sunken eyesockets,,,, the uneven teeth,,,,, yeah no) because there's nothing there. horror doesn't have to do anything but keep his back turned to dust and just talk to papyrus through him
they both keep their backs turned to eachother when they do this because neither of them can stand looking at eachother. dust especially because hearing horror sound so much like how he was before. horror sounds so lighthearted and relaxed and just,,,,, normal that it almost reminds dust of himself. maybe if he closed his eyes and tuned out his own voice he could just imagine the moment being a conversation between himself and paps back then before he had to kill him over and over. dust doesn't want to have to look back and see horror's mutilated skull and his permanently replaced eye. he doesn't want the fake scenario he's choosing to indulge in right now to be broken
and then i think they talk like that for a long time; because horror has a lot to say to paps about himself and what he regrets and dust has a lot of reminiscing to do on the good old days before he lost himself :3
#this one is a bit more SERIOUS than i expected.... no funny little triglycercule rambling today for some reason.......#i do really like this idea though. it seems like one of the only ways that horrordust would bond in a more canonical sense#no they don't fall asleep in bed with eachother after this. in fact horror doesn't even say BYE when he leaves#they just move on with their lives afterwards and pretend none of it happened#and when they need it most then they can drop their guards ever so slightly at 2:30 in the morning through a fake middleman#horror doesn't like being this vulnerable around dust but he knows DAMN well the other won't tell#dust has no reason to say a thing about their midnight chats. maybe he just doesn't like being vulnerable at all#and it's true that dust wouldnt tell anyone because tbh he gets to ask horror things he'd ask himself#maybe he'd lie a bit here and there about what paps said so he can ask something like do you regret it after all this time#just to see if horror feels the same way that he does even though they have different circumstances#to see if the most sans-like in his eyes of the 2(3) of them can understand what he feels and understands how it feels#horror regrets it too but he's here and he did what he did. dust almost likes that he has someone to relate to him tbh#sometimes he needs to be reminded that he should regret everything he did especially when he feels manic or just apathetic#he probably needs the reality check and if horror isn't the most grounded out of the 3 i dont know WHO is (low bar but he is arguably is)#ok time to turn this into the mtt! killer SO bashes them for these little midnight rendezvous#makes SO many remarks about how theyre really pathetic for practically roleplaying a conversation between sans and papyrus#SO many jokes about what the two probably get up to in there. so many jokes about how this is some weird kink probably#but in the end despite all the shit talking killer's never been part of one of these conversations#in fact he doesn't even go NEAR dust's room late at night due to this#he just cant he doesn't want to. because if he hears horror's voice being so lighthearted and joking#and dust saying words that sound so similar to what papyrus would say (maybe he's even imitating his voice)#it would upset him a LOT. or maybe not? either way killer avoids that area like the plague when horrordust chat#maybe he'd sit down by the outside of the door when he's FEELING. killer won't let himself believe in the delusion dust and horror have mad#but he can't stay for too long because then dust and horror start talking about regrets and their wrongdoings and now he can't listen any#but either way i trio-fied it and that's all that matters!!! this might actually be one of my FAVORITE ideas i've ever cone up with :333#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#tricule hc
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Here are my political thoughts. I'm not putting it under a read more and I'm not tagging it!! I know a lot of people come here to give themselves a break from real world stuff but sometimes you gotta deal with it (like right now)
Or just scroll by/block if you want idgaf baby!!!
To those in the US: I hope you are okay, get resources for your mental health if needed. Be scared, be pissed off. Don't let anyone tell you your feelings aren't valid because anyone that is queer or disabled or a poc is in for an even bumpier ride than usual.
If you are able: I hope you are involved and engaged in your community because there is no getting progressives into the White House without getting them in at the local level first and that's where you can make the biggest changes. Volunteer with youth or a campaign you feel good about. The DSA have a lot of different chapters in different states if that's your jam.
Remember that progress takes time and does not happen overnight or even over a few years. It is slow as hell and I know that sucks, but we have to be in this for the long haul and for future generations.
The rest of the world: we fucked up for real (again). Sorry for the fallout your countries will inevitably face.
If you voted for Tr*mp: get off my blog before I shoot you with my laser eyes. I do NOT tolerate intolerance. I come from a rural community who are completely brainwashed and!! newsflash!! His 2017 legislation hurt farmers and his tariff plan on John Deere is gonna hurt you again!!!
If you don't "do" politics: well, politics is gonna do you, babydoll, so you might as well!
#this ain't a harris endorsement but if you voted for trump get the hell away from me#the dem party is so fucking stupid to run a campaign pandering to white centrists don't get me started#MY POINT IS#community is important!!#love is important!!#if leaving the country is what is best for you and you're financial able good for you i guess#I was born here and feel some twisted horrible need to stay here and try to fix it#the US is a world leader and we really have a domino affect that impacts the entire world whether you want to admit it or not#his last presidency caused a lot of far right nut jobs to come out of hiding around the world AND helped them take leadership positions#the US has been in a shitpile for ages#pick up a shovel for those who can't and help dig!!#voting matters!! climate change is real! vaccines save lives!!#we live in an age of disinformation and heavy apathy!!#don't let it win!!#he's gonna try to start taking rights away on DAY ONE!!#but at least the economy is going to get worse too#end my soapbox rant#actually last thing: STOP painting melania as some innocent gold digger who hates him#(i'm petty and still haven't forgiven her for renovating jackie kennedy's rose garden but there are tapes of her defending him)#she knows what she's doing and is okay with what he's doing and is not a victim just STOP#okay now i'm done for realsies this time
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i now understand the anger people describe when they see other folks just going about their lives entirely unaffected by disasters
#i'm living in a situation that many people are comparing to hurricane katrina and you're fucking talking about homestuck cosplay#i dont fucking care about over the garden wall i'm going into my third day without electricity and nowhere nearby has gas for our generator#our freezers are fridges now and its only a matter of time til we have to start throwing ungodly amounts of food out#we can't leave our house because the road even outside of our driveway has gotten progressively worse and we can barely drive across#there was another landslide about five minutes away. there's another town nearby that was completely leveled#i saw a guy stranded on the side of the road with signs taped to his car asking for a spare tire#i saw another car flipped entirely onto its back and halfway into the river which is still raging#one of the houses i'm used to driving by every single day that was huge and where we got our chickens from is gone. like it was never there#the area it was in just looks like another part of the river now. i wonder if people will play in it in the future#nobody has power or cell service. countless people haven't been able to contact their family members in four days#and yet it feels like the only people talking about it are the people who fucking live here. nobody else is looking at appalachia#except for the shithead tourists who like to go into threads meant for resource updates asking about their stupid fucking vacations#conservatives are saying we deserve it for being libs and libs are saying we deserve it for being conservatives#both of them call us hicks and use our accents whenever they do an impression of a stupid person
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#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
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Something something Bruce love Gotham because it's his home, jason loves Gotham because it's in his soul, Duke loves Gotham because it's his family, Steph loves Gotham on purpose
#the void screams#duke thomas#bruce wayne#jason todd#stephanie brown#each member of the batfam having a complicated relationship with gotham is something that can be so personal-#but yeah bruce loves gotham because this is where his family has always lived. leaving would mean leaving them behind.#he loves gotham because it's the only home he's ever known#i don't know what fucked up tether there is between gotham and jason. compells me though.#even when he leaves he can't stay away along. gotham's in his head. in his soul. it's where he's alive and it's where his life is drained#the people of gotham are duke's family and he wants to protect them the way they've always tried to protect him#the city is the people and duke knows these people. he's one of them. he's seen what they go through to survive because#he goes through it too. he loves gotham because it's his whole world. his family. and he'll protect that family#until he dies.#steph though? steph grew up here and hated it. hated the city. resented the people. resented the heroes.#and still every fibre of her being goes into loving this city. into hoping for it.#on purpose. she's going to love this city on purpose. even when it hurts. even when she'd rather die.#even when the whole CITY turns against her. time and again. because she's already decided.#she's going to love gotham. even if gotham never loves her back.#don't mind me i am just rambling nonsensically. i am right though by the way. it doesn't make sense but it's Correct
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#I don't post things like this often nor do I want to#But I am FILLED with derision after seeing a post (second-hand thru a mutual) commented on by a guy I don't care for#bc after he ghosted me I found out he's the same guy who briefly dated and said horrible things about a good friend of mine#Talking about the hardships of having to leave the state we both lived in bc the political climate was too dangerous to stay#And the petty part of my brain can't stop/won't stop trying to say#'well guess what? I'm still here BITCHBOY.'#And on the one hand it feels viscerally satisfying and on the other I hate that I haven't let go of these feelings
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