#i can't handle the way ed is so expressive

[wemlygust]

I'm playing it safe and putting my whole dang post under a spoiler warning. Do not proceed if you have not played Slay the Princess.

I'm reblogging this because I love the art, and I love Slay the Princess, although my own playthrough of Slay the Princess ended in me deciding to, well, Slay the Princess. The game was not a love story for me; it was more like a domestic abuse story, and the ending was coming to terms, letting go, and finding freedom and hope. I actually have so much respect for the devs for making the game in a way that allowed me to reach a very different conclusion than the one I believe they intended to be the "best", and while still giving me an absolutely phenomenal experience from start to finish. The game remains extremely satisfying even if you reject the intended meaning and find another. Like, I could still tell "ah, this is for sure not what they want me to do..." but the game let me do it anyway, and the outcome was satisfying and didn't feel like a punishment or a scolding. In my experience, there really aren't very many games that can absorb that kind of disagreement with their own narrative. Usually, games either shove you kicking and screaming into the "good" ending, or they hand you a "bad" ending that is unambiguously awful. Or they express no significant opinions on anything, no real themes, and are only permissive because they are bland and noncommittal. This one, though. This one is afraid of no theme, never hesitates to introduce a strong opinion or idea or moral position. And it yet it also fucking "no, but-" or "yes, and"-ed all my disagreements with it, and then somehow managed to give me an ending that actually fit well with my interpretation of the story. I cannot, CANNOT, get over how fucking incredible that game is. It's like the game is an extremely intelligent and philosophical horror improve partner with the player. I can't ever even talk about it without wanting to go play it again. Yet it's so hard to sell people on, too. 😅 But at least the surprise of discovering what this game is, under its title and marketing and genre expectations, is a joy as well. Anyway, my point, though I wandered far afield of it, is that yours is a really fun crossover idea, but I think I'd prefer it be wildly AU in execution, because the game ending that I think is intended by the devs is one I cannot accept, and the ending I got.... Is way too sad for Danny. >.< Also, I just have trouble imagining Danny committing that much murder and torture, tbh. :P Ultimately, though, this is only a me problem! Write and/or draw whatever ya'll want to, of course. :) Aaaaanyway, you really nailed the Slay the Princess art style, on the dot. Like, I would have known exactly what it was even if you hadn't included the title, or the writing underneath the image, or anything else but Danny chained to the wall. That's really impressive to me. In part because I cannot visual arts, and I don't have a handle on what it is about the Slay the Princess art that makes it so distinct, though I'm now finding it to be an interesting thing to think about. /long rambly post. Your art is great, though. Keep on keeping on, even if you end up slaying Danny or whatever.

”You’re on a path in the woods. And at the end of that path is a cabin, and in the basement of that cabin is the Ghost king.

You’re here to slay him.”

I like Slay the Princess a lot, and I feel like Danny and Valerie could work in this dynamic. This also gave me an excuse to focus on my line art cause that’s my favorite part, and I hate coloring.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

Okay, my one and only major complaint about Bad Batch is that I don't think they handled Tech's death properly (I still don't think they should have killed him off at all, but here we are; and even if they intend(ed) to leave things open-ended to maybe bring him back later, the titular characters in the show wouldn't have known that); and with all the reasons I've seen floating out there as to WHY Tech's death was handled the way it was and why the characters reacted the way they did (or didn't), I just want to explain why none of the "reasons" cut it for me. If you're satisfied with how Tech was handled in season 3, I am genuinely happy for you (and lowkey jealous, ngl 😉). I've just been thinking about this a lot and need to spell it out!

Reason #1: "Why do we need to see more of the characters mourning? What we got was enough. We don't need a 2 hour episode that's all about the characters grieving." (Yes, someone actually used "2 hours" in their argument.)

Let's recap what we got: 1) A scene where Echo looks sadly at the Marauder's pilot seat, Wrecker actually sheds some tears (bless him), Omega's in denial, and Hunter tells Omega they're going to retire on Pabu because Tech is gone... followed up almost immediately by the villain dropping off broken goggles as the only proof that Tech was ever on Eriadu; 2) a scene where the audience is shown Tech's goggles but Hunter doesn't interact with them- instead, he looks at Lula, proving that his driving motivation is recovering Omega (which is fine when taken from the perspective that he can't do anything about Tech, whereas he can do something for Omega; but that perspective is ultimately just headcanon because the show never reiterates or follows up on this); 3) Wrecker alluding to Tech (not by name) to try to convince Hunter to be more cautious; 4) Omega name-dropping Tech (wait, does Crosshair even know what happened?... yay for context clues, I guess); 5) Echo name-dropping Tech in relation to data decryption with the team looking down sadly for 5 seconds (I timed it) before Crosshair changes the subject; 6) Phee name-dropping Tech in relation to her not knowing what m-count is; 7) Crosshair referring to Tech's information on Ventress; 8) Omega leaving Tech's goggles in the Archeum with none of her brothers around (hot take: it kinda bothers me that the goggles are given the same treatment as Lula, I totally understand the context/deeper meaning of Omega leaving her childhood behind by leaving Lula, but we're talking about the one relic they have of their fallen and irreplaceable brother being given the same emotional weight as a doll); 9) Phee referring to Tech having a discussion with her about Crosshair while Tech's goggles are in the background (and, noticeably, Crosshair doesn't react at all and just changes the subject back to needing a ship); 10) Crosshair says the squad died with Tech, Wrecker says Tech understood the risks, and that's that.

So, what we got was enough to establish that the characters were sad in the immediate aftermath of Tech's death, that some of them may have stayed sad about it all through season 3, and that the show didn't completely forget that Tech had been a main character at one point.

What we DON'T get is any real reference to what Tech meant to the family as an individual and a brother, any real indication of how the loss of Tech (distinct from the mission to save Omega) influences his family's actions or the story's overall narrative, any actual acknowledgement in the show of Tech's sacrifice having any meaning or the family moving past grief to express any form of gratitude for Tech's presence and influence on their lives, any reference to Tech having a true impact on 4 of his 5 siblings (Omega is the closest we get to witnessing Tech's continued influence on any of his siblings and even seeing that involves squinting/head tilts at times)... in other words, we get a few minutes of sadness, but never any catharsis. We see they miss him, but never does this truly inform the narrative or their decisions in season 3, AND it's left frustratingly vague where the characters are in the grieving process (more on that later).

Besides, no one (that I have come across, at least) was ever asking for a 2 hour episode. At most, Kanan got a 22-minute "eulogy" episode, and most of us aren't even asking for that. I'd have been at least minimally satisfied with a "Mayday moment" for Tech - and that scene lasted a grand total of 20 seconds. What would have been more satisfying would have been the show taking all those superficial name drops and converting at least a few of them into meaningful mentions indicating what Tech means to his brothers and/or how he continues to have an influence on his family and/or how his sacrifice is a motivating factor for them.

Reason #2: "There was no time."

Leaving aside the fact that there was apparently plenty of time and opportunity to make Tech (among others) a red herring...

Let's assume that the showrunners were not only told they only had 1 season left to wrap everything up, but were given highly specific time allotments for each episode to where they weren't allowed to add any scenes (I highly doubt this is what happened, but we're rolling with the "no time" thing here). You know what you do in that scenario when you're talking about something like following up on a main character's death that clearly has left your entire fanbase in an uproar? You MAKE time: you trim down the action scenes, you make the characters walk a little bit faster, you decide whether an extended scene of Echo giving Omega a crossbow that is never going to show up again is actually worth saving (I actually like the scene, by the way; just giving an example), you cut out a few of the extremely vague lines of dialogue Fennec and Asajj indulge in. What you DON'T do is kill off a beloved main character and then rely on convenient time lapses/time skips to just brush over all the fallout apart from a few name drops that do nothing to establish just how important said character was to the other characters in the show.

What's more, they could have EASILY included some true closure with ANY of the Tech name-drops/scenes that were already in the show. Have Hunter look at Tech's goggles before looking beyond them at Lula in 3.02. Have the brothers be present with Omega when she decides to leave Tech's goggles in the Archeum in 3.11. Have any of the brothers say one meaningful line about Tech while they're otherwise silently basking in the sunshine in the end scene on Pabu in 3.15!

Reason #3: "They're soldiers."

Of all the reasons given for why Tech's death was mishandled, I dislike this one the most. What does CF99 being soldiers have to do with the aftermath of Tech's death being reduced to perfunctory allusions? (If you want to get into the argument that soldiers in general have to figure out a way to "move on" and The Clone Wars didn't really spend any time on the clones processing losses after battles, let me just say I don't care for how this topic is covered in The Clone Wars either, and Bad Batch was a golden opportunity for the Star Wars franchise to move past this unfortunate trope.) Fallen soldiers in real life get memorials/funerals too, even if it's months after the battle. Fallen soldiers are honored and remembered by their families and those closest to them. If the show is trying to push the stereotype that soldiers move on from tragic deaths of comrades by being "stoic" and holding it all in and never talking about it, I strongly disagree with the perpetuation of this stereotype; and if the characters as soldiers actually DID grieve Tech in a healthy way, why didn't the show depict it?

Reason #4: "Star Wars writers don't know how to write meaningful scenes/payoff regarding death and characters dealing with death/loss."

The Bad Batch writers proved time and again how brilliant they are at writing emotional storylines with maximum payoff. Case in point: Mayday. Enough said (I'm writing too much on this general topic as it is).

Reason #5: "They got over it."

Maybe I'm reading things wrong, but a rather drastic change in behavior for one character (going from cautious and weighing all risks, to reckless and jumping headfirst into situations without proper backup), and another character including Tech's death as just one reason why he "deserves" to go on a suicide mission, does not read to me as the characters "getting over it." It reads to me as "avoidance behavior" and "continued internal conflict." (Granted, Hunter's more reckless behavior in season 3 likely had as much to do with the Omega situation as it did Tech's death, but the point still stands. And if the point DOESN'T still stand, then I've got even MORE issues with how this plotline was handled, so we'll just keep assuming it does.)

Furthermore, if the characters had truly "gotten over it," there shouldn't have been any hesitation or issue with them discussing and honoring Tech in meaningful ways.

Reason #6: "They DIDN'T get over it."

Right, and we ended the show that way, with no clear resolution to them actually coming to terms with Tech's death and honoring his memory. Great.

Reason #7: "Whatever. It's good Tech stayed dead. Tech's sacrifice meant something."

... Did it? Did it really? I mean, I know I say quite frequently that Tech's sacrifice is what made the happy ending possible for the others (because that's the only thought that got me through a rewatch of season 3). But the show, the narrative itself, certainly doesn't act like it really meant anything. Hunter says in the season 2 finale that they "weren't going to waste Tech's sacrifice" because they were going to retire on Pabu... and that discussion promptly gets forgotten and never brought up again, not even when the squad is trying to stay off the Empire's radar in season 3 after Omega returns. Never is there any discussion that "not wasting Tech's sacrifice" by hiding on Pabu to make sure no one else dies (a very understandable reaction, of course) also goes against the very mission Tech pushed for in the first place: rescuing Crosshair. Never do we hear Omega tell Crosshair, "Tech didn't give up on you, I'm not giving up on you, that's why you ARE going to escape with me." Never is there any talk about "Tech wanted us to live and stay together, so that is what we are going to do." Never is there any acknowledgement at the end of the show that they are all going to live in peace on Pabu because Tech made sure they could live.

The last half of season 4 of Rebels is full of references to Kanan's sacrifice actually meaning something and having direct tangible consequences not only for the family but for Lothal and the Rebellion. For one thing, the show itself literally spells out that the mission to shut down the Imperial factories on Lothal was actually a success because all the fuel reserves were destroyed - Kanan had died, but the mission had succeeded and directly led to the success of the bigger mission to completely free Lothal, and while this is very poor consolation for the loss of Kanan, at least the show openly acknowledged it. Kanan and his influence is also openly credited for Ezra foiling Palpatine's plans with the Jedi Temple and the WBW, Ezra learning to let go and again disrupting Palpatine's plans in the finale, and doing what was needed to ensure Lothal was fully freed.

Imagine how different Rebels would be if Kanan's death had been treated like Tech's: no mention that his role on the mission had any impact whatsoever. No reference to Ezra or any other member of the Ghost crew living up to what Kanan had taught them all - or, at best, there's a perfunctory reference in the epilogue that Ezra decided to keep using the Force the way Kanan had taught him to. No depiction of Ezra or Hera or Sabine or Zeb accepting Kanan's death and letting go of the pain while holding on to the memories. Nothing to show that any of the Ghost crew members act in memory of Kanan or that he is a motivating influence on them. No indication that Kanan's sacrifice drives Ezra to decide to follow up on their initial success with the factories and ultimately completely drive the Empire from Lothal.

Rebels just wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling.

Now, imagine if Tech's death had been treated like Kanan's, and maybe it will become more clear why I have a REALLY hard time agreeing with the argument that the show itself actually depicted Tech's death as "meaning something."

[ifistayitwillbedouble]

not exactly a byler doubt since I don’t get that but an ex-byler said that as cute as byler is right now, if it’s actually canon in the show it’ll just end up being lame and cringe. and that fucked with me more than anything any mileven has said 😭😭

oh god, that used to get me. when i honestly asked myself why though, i found that for me it was a result of internalized homophobia. i found it so much harder to not judge queer stories in media meanwhile straight stories could get away with all kinds of shit. the only kinds of gay media that were exempt from this were the ones where queer people endlessly suffered because i was so used to seeing them. but yeah, i think for a lot of people this sentiment might come from internalized or just plain old homophobia. they might just feel "weird" about seeing a main queer couple on screen and not know how to articulate it in a way that won't seem outright homophobic, so "cringe" or "lame" feel like the closest words that can express that. it also makes me think of all the criticisms of heartstopper for example if you know anything abt that. ppl were saying that it was too happy and that that made it cringe, meanwhile straight people have had decades of happy, idyllic shows about their romances (heartstopper isn't even that idyllic tbh, it still tackles themes of internalized homophobic and EDs and stuff like that with a lot of maturity imo. i think it's another case of ppl being harsher on lgbt media)

and yknow, i guess there is a chance that byler could genuinely just be written in a lame and cringe way. that's like lowkey one of my worst fears, but we just can't know whether that's the case or not until s5 comes out. the writing for things like "without a heart, we'd all fall apart" kinda made me worried bc tbh, as much as i loved will's speech and as much as it got me, that was kinda lame to listen to. but to be fair, that was also a scene in which will was lying to mike. all the other scenes where they're having their heart-to-hearts come off so natural like "i didn't say it" "you didn't have to". i like can't help but smile watching those and just being like OML THAT WAS SO GAY so i honestly have faith that they're capable of handling byler well. they just need to give me like 20 more bonding scenes and i'll be happy. and given that will and mike are going to be big players in s5, i think they'll be paying extra attention to make sure their scenes work well

[sunflowerbia]

ok but can we talk about Stede's face in this moment here 😭

it's SO F*CKING SOFT

I CAN'T HANDLE IT

the way he says "ok", just barely above a whisper

and you can see the wheels turning in his head while he thinks about his next move

then his expression when Ed accepts the gesture!!!

RHYS MONTAGUE DARBY IF I CATCH YOU

[lewis-winters]

Hi!

Recently, I've been rewatching bob, and in ep10 I noticed a moment between winnix. It's right after they meet Sobel: Dick turns to Lew and the expression on Lew's face is something that I can't decipher and so I wanted to ask you what do you think was going through his head? Was it some bitter nostalgia? Or just him silently laughing at Dick's attitude?

Thanks <3

Oh, you mean this?

This is just my personal interpretation, but I always thought about it as like... their double-act when it comes to handling Sobel together, ya know? If you watch Winnix closely when they're both dealing with Sobel at the same time, you'll notice that if one breaks out of attention, the other doesn't. It happens in the "It's a can of peaches, sir"; though Dick does famously smile a bit there, it's barely noticeable-- he's holding on very tightly to attention to resist breaking further, because Dick knows that if Nix is being sarcastic, then he can't afford to be. While only one of them can be in trouble at any time, both being in trouble might be too much (and they might be forced to separate). Kinda like naughty schoolboys when confronted with a strict teacher?

So, in my head, this scene in ep10 is just an extension of that. This time, it's Dick being sassy-- he gets to make a point while also getting Sobel to salute him. Lew, seeing this, clearly can't react while Sobel is still there to see him react, because it's now become a force of habit to play the complete and indifferent soldier while the other is being sassy, and he only breaks that façade and smiles when Dick looks at him-- which, by the way. Super cute.

Dick, who is famously sassy and dry humor-ed on his own, has never needed a tag-team to reassure him of his greatest hits... but he turns around to Nix anyway, as if to say "did you see that? did you see the way I ratio'd him?" and Nix just smiles because "yeah, honey, I saw" like????? can they get any more married?

edit: gif by @rebeccapearson

[moonswolfie]

Dinner time

timeskip!Osamu x gn!reader

Warnings: Reader is skinny, (past) verbal abuse, ED (?)

This is very self-indulgent and I haven't been diagnosed with an ED but my relationship with food can be seen as ED-like so I put the warning there

I was in an Osamu mood so I decided to write a sweet little story for him ahahasshahsah this man ≧ ﹏ ≦ (please excuse my horrible attempt at giving Osamu the accent)

Being married to Osamu was great. He treated you well, was an entertaining person and you got hooked up with the latest sibling drama straight from him.

But the one part that always bothers you is mealtime. Osamu is a great cook, which isn't surprising since he owns a restaurant and you love his food.

This would be great if Osamu wouldn't dote on you through his food so much. He always gave you the biggest servings to make sure you were well-fed and happy. It was his way of showing he loves and cares about you.

Your stomach couldn't handle large servings of food, it never could, even since childhood. Your parents always made fun of you and told you that you eat like a little baby, so you were scared he would make fun of you too if you told him.

So you tried your hardest to eat as much as you could every time, even if you weren't hungry at all or even if you felt like throwing up after. You ate even if you didn't have an appetite.

But it was worth it, seeing him smile happily while you were eating his food.

It was time for dinner again, something you grew to dread more and more.

You see, Osamu thought you enjoyed eating such big portions since you always finished them so fast when in reality you were trying to get it over with as quick as possible. So he thought he would make then even bigger.

You knew he just wanted to see you happy and that it made him very happy seeing you eat his food but you couldn't handle it anymore.

"Come here, darlin'. I cooked yer favourite." Osamu invited you to sit with him. You tried your best to hide your discomfort as you sat down across from him.

Looking at your plate, you already felt nauseous. He really did cook your favourite, but the amount...

You couldn't bring yourself to do it anymore. You ate slowly, and eventually stopped, just picking at your food to give the illusion of eating.

Osamu seemed to notice pretty quick, since his usual smile wasn't there. "What's wrong? Why aren't ya eatin'?" he asked, concerned.

"Samu, I can't do this anymore." you put down the chopsticks, looking at him with worry. He seemed taken aback and confused by the sudden change of behaviour on your end.

"What are ya talkin' about?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Osamu, I've always had a really small appetite. I've never been able to handle big portions of food and I often feel sick after eating." you confessed, looking down at your plate. Now you're going to be made fun of, told you look like a twig, that you eat like a toddler. Maybe he'll tell you to stop being ridiculous and keep eating.

You closed your eyes in anticipation of whatever insult was going to be thrown your way.

"...Why didn't ya tell me that?" his question surprised you, opening your eyes to look at him. He looked concerned.

"I'm sorry it's just- You looked so happy when I ate all your food. I didn't want to let all the food you cook for me go to waste." you admitted, looking down at your plate again.

"So ya mean to tell me you've been forcin' yerself to eat all that food for months now." he crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes. You shrunk under his gaze.

"Maybe... I'm so sorry for not telling you sooner, I-"

"What am I gonna do with ya? You gotta tell me these things, ya know?" he sighed, expression softening.

"...You're not mad?"

"Why would I be?" he looked at you as if you said something really ridiculous.

"My parents used to get mad at me when I didn't eat and called me a baby and a skeleton for eating so little." you didn't dare to look at him after you admitted that.

"Yer parents are assholes. Yer the one who knows yer body the best, I ain't gonna judge ya fer that." you couldn't stop the smile that crept up on your face. He was... okay with it?

"I'm just mad ya didn't tell me sooner. Now I feel bad for makin' you eat all that food." his eyebrows furrowed.

"No, don't feel bad. I was the one who didn't say anything and ate the food." you assured him with a relieved expression.

"Your food is amazing, I would just prefer if you gave me smaller portions from now on." you reached over the table to lightly grab one of his hands, squeezing it affectionately.

"I got ya. And by the way, yer body is beautiful." he said, squeezing your hand back.

[plusvanity]

Vargelle question! How does Varg handle Pelle's self harm with cutting and also eating and health wise?

I wrote about this in my fic a lot, but I'm very happy to share the ideas I have here 🖤

Trigger warning for these subjects:

When it comes to sh, it's a very sad and overwhelming situation. Varg is well aware of how addicted Pelle is. He knows that by c*tting, Pelle releases stress, anger, tension, and frustration, so in one way, it's a tool through which Pelle numbs his negative feelings but it also allows him to 'feel something' in days in which apathy is inescapable. So, although it's a highly destructive coping mechanism, Varg cannot ask Pelle to just stop, at least not directly because relapse it's inevitable and if Pelle relapses (which he does a lot in the beginning), he would feel like he disappointed his lover.

So, Varg tries to find other ways to occupy Pelle's mind when he feels like hurting himself. They take long walks through the forest, talk about whatever trivia they bring up, or work on writing music together. Pelle would come up with lyrics to express how he feels, and Varg would come up with riffs. If the urge is too strong and Pelle feels like really giving in, Varg would just hold him in bed, caress his hair and kiss him gently until the day finally passes and they both fall asleep. He knows that love can heal and cure a broke heart, so he tries to show Pelle that he's not alone and he is deeply cared for.

When Pelle relapses, it's heartbreaking. Varg would help Pelle clean and bandage his wounds. If Pelle wants to talk about what happened, they talk. If not, Varg doesn't push. He knows that progress is not linear and it's not Pelle's fault if he slips off track. He doesn't want to put pressure on Pelle, so Pelle changes for him exclusively, like at Varg's order. That would only be like playing pretend he doesn't want that, he wants Pelle to get better for real. His main strategy is to give his lover enough reasons to see for himself that life can be worth living and being alive can be a joyful experience for both soulmates.

He encourages Pelle by being proud of him regarding his progress, and this really is something because Pelle's self-esteem is so low that he can barely believe Varg when he says 'You've came a long way'. But he does, and he finds motivation to keep getting better.

Pelle needs a potent distraction in hard times and Varg is always there to provide what Pelle needs. He has no choice but to learn to be patient and optimistic. He needs to be the anchor for both of them when Pelle can't care for himself. This is the only way out of misery.

Regarding Pelle's ED, this is just as tricky as the cutting problem. You see, all of these behaviours are highly addictive, compulsive, and obsessive. Nothing changes overnight, unfortunately, but in time, progress can be made.

Varg himself doesn't have the healthiest relationship with food, so on one hand, he kind of understands Pelle, but on the other, he's lost in what to do. He's lucky, though, because he's very observant and intuitive when it comes to the one he cares about.

When Pelle was at his worst, starving for days, there would be no way to make him eat anything. When somebody is severely emaciated and refuses food, you don't think about the best nutritive resources you can give them, you think about HOW you make them stay alive RIGHT NOW. Varg would brew tea for Pelle and add a lot of sugar or honey in it because glucose, although zero nutritive, gets absorbed into your body the quickest. It immediately gets into your bloodstream and boosts you with a terminal amount of energy you need to survive in the moment. (When you get hospitalized because of prolonged starvation, they won't give you food because most probably you won't even be able to take it in, so the first thing they do is to put you on glucose IV). Pelle would hate that tea, thinking that Varg just slipped too much sugar in it, but he would drink it because it's warm and it's not solid food, so it shouldn't be that bad. Right? This is not a long-term solution at all, but it's a start because it's going to take a lot of time and effort to help Pelle change his perceptions about himself and life.

Whenever Pelle has unbearable stomach aches because he really has to eat something, he would usually go to the kitchen when nobody sees him, to eat in a hurry his 'safe food' (cottage cheese or something soft to ingest in general) and leave. Varg knows how anxious and awkward Pelle feels if he's caught eating, so he makes sure to stay in his room reading or doing whatever to allow his lover to eat in peace. This way, he tries to make Pelle feel more comfortable around him, like he doesn't have to hide his chaotic eating habits.

In time, Pelle naturally becomes less reluctant about food. He doesn't get triggered by Varg eating in his proximity or things like that. If Varg offers him pizza, he refuses and Varg doesn't insist. But he will ask again and again the next time.

The thing about eating disorders is that it's a very isolating disorder. To eat is not only a basic need but a social thing also. One way for Varg to combat it is to help Pelle feel comfortable around food again. Sometimes Pelle accepts that pizza slice that is offered, sometimes not, but slowly he accepts to eat his 'safe food' around Varg. The most important thing is: do no stare, do not tell him how much to eat, do not make jokes about how rushed he eats (that's a common thing for ED people). Varg acts normally and minds his own business. He keeps Pelle engaged in conversations when they both eat so Pelle doesn't have to think about regretting eating. This way, Varg also tries to make Pelle associate food with conversations (the social element) like any other regular things in his life. Just like with c*tting, it is an agonizingly slow process, but it pays off.

I think I waffled enough, and I don't know who bothered to read this to the end, but thank you to whoever did .🖤

Another thing that they do when they feel highly stressed or in a bad mental place is making love. It's all about the energy and the frustration that needs to be consumed, so instead of burning down a church or sl*icing into one's arm, soft sex is a better option.

I would probably waffle even more, but I think it's enough. If you have any other specific questions about those two, or any other of my ships, feel free to ask. I always love talking about them!

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina, this is probably a weird question to ask; when I followed you 3 years ago, I had obsession with your mp fics and would open a lot of them and read your pov about the fics. In one of them you said something like "you cried a bucket full of tears when reading it" , and I can't even remember which category it was in , Do you remember which one it is or which fics made you cry?

Oh, I’ve been meaning to make one of these fic rec lists. Be forewarned, I cry very, very easily so it’s going to be a very long list (and some people might roll their eyes at what’s made me cry) 😂 Even as long as this is, I’m sure I’ve forgotten some.

Gold-skinned, eager baby by StarryDay13 / @daydreaming-sunflower (E, 17K) This was soft and tender and sexy and beautifully done. There were wonderful moments of gentleness and vulnerability as Harry awkwardly expresses his thoughts about his gender and his feelings for Louis, and as Louis reasons and holds space for who Harry is. I really just loved this one. And I cried. So that’s a bonus. 😆

Deux Fantômes by ohpleaselarry (E, 16K) So, let me start by saying I cried through ¾ of this. I promise it’s a happy ending, but it’s heavy and very moving. Please read the tags as there are some triggering things, but it’s also so sweet and gentle and really well written.

of the divine by @thedevilinmybrain (Mixed ratings, 2-part series, 104K) Oh my god. This series. I cried buckets. It’s so beautifully written. The sex scenes are so tender and sexy, but in such a pure way. Their relationship is so good… you can totally feel how much they love each other, the climactic scene OH MY GOD so intense. It’s also got great zouis friendship and a very sweet narry friendship. Tender punk Louis and guardian angel Harry. Read it.

The bed and the carpet by orphan_account (E, 8K) So, this was written a while ago, and because of that there are some things which... irk me (like the use of “orbs”). But it’s really gentle and sweet and sexy. Thanks to the anon who told me they cried reading it. I did, too.

Lovely, made from love by userkant (T, 1K) This was so lovely and so moving (yes, I cried). This author wrote so much emotion into this short fic, please give it a read. I loved it.

may we all have a vision now and then by momentofclarity / @gaycousinlarry (M, 4K) This author is one of my favorite writers in this fandom and everything they do is infused with so much delicacy and tenderness. I literally cried through this fic because of how wounded Harry’s character feels. Read it and then treat yourself to their whole AO3 catalogue.

every universe but ours by @28finelines (E, 50K) This fic is so touching and funny and sexy and I read it all in one go––thankfully just before I published this post! Please go read it because it’s like reading multiple Larry fics in one, each one with that “I would find you in any lifetime” vibe.

Fading by tothemoonmydear (M, 202K) Let me start by asking you to please tread carefully with this one. It’s a very well-written fic, but it deals very graphically with Louis’ character’s eating disorder. At the time it was written, some people felt it did not portray ED recovery accurately, so if the subject is at all triggering for you, please don’t read this one. If that’s not an issue for you, make sure you have tissues ready because I ugly cried through almost all of this. I read it years ago and loved it at the time, but it’s not one I could handle reading twice.

wake the morn and greet the dawn (with hearts entwined and free) by mixedfandomfics (T, 21K)I cried the first third of the way through this because this author painted such a beautiful picture of Harry’s emotions, his found family, and the setting. I love how they slowly unraveled Louis’ story and the tender, sweet way they ended up together. And Niall!! The best friend/brother you could ask for.

Love you in the dark by Perzikje (E, 10K) This is such a tender and moving portrait of these characters. This author does a great job at capturing Harry’s struggle with the shame he feels (yes, I cried), and then beautifully portrays the balm of the way Louis loves him.

for as long as I can remember (it’s always been december) by green_feelings / @greenfeelings (E, 128K) This author always delivers on the angst, so yes…I cried. I loved the sense of the inevitable with these two characters — as in real life, they’re just meant to be. But first they’ll go through hell.

an entire desert in our hourglass by tofiveohfive (E, 20K) I told the author yesterday that I really appreciated the pain they wove into this story because they did such a good job making the emotions relatable –– even with a pre-apocalyptic setting –– so the feeling cut even deeper. Such a good read. And even though the tags said there was a happy ending (which there is), I still cried buckets.

haunted by the ghost of you by missandrogyny (E, 49K) Sweet and funny, filled with great banter and OT5 friendship. And yes…I cried. A lot.

deleted your number (so i can’t call you) by tofiveohfive / @sunflowrsix I think this author does such a great job with writing realistically about breakups and the emotions that are involved. Things aren’t just suddenly solved -- there’s still anger and hurt and a realization that better communication is needed. It’s just very refreshing to read. And of course, I cried.

the best part of me (was always you) by @moonshinelouis-archive (E, 6K) Gorgeous writing. The descriptions of heartbreak and missing someone and still loving them were really well done. And I cried. Of course.

everything suspended by louisandthealien (M, 9K) Set in the late 1990s/early 2000s, this fic is SO so good. And it’s so angsty and so incredibly well written. I felt every bit of tension and emotion and was so wrung out by the end. But it’s also such a gorgeously crafted fic. I just love it.

hope you guessed my name by juliusschmidt (E, 9K) Harry is a devil, Louis is human. I don’t know what it is about this fic, but I just adore it. It’s so moving and so beautifully written and yes, I cried over Harry being a lonely cryptid.

Through Eerie Chaos by mediawhore / @mediawhorefics (GA, 102K) This one is set both in present day and the 1920s and I absolutely adore this fic. This is such a unique and compelling story, the writing is beautiful, the characters are wonderfully realized, and I ugly cried for realz. Such a good fic.

Save your loving arms for a rainy day by BriaMaria / @briannamarguerite (E, 19K) Oh, I really loved this. Beautiful writing. Lovely characterizations. I love how harry makes Louis realize who he is/what he wants, but doesn’t “save” him. And yes, I cried…not from the angst this time, but from the declarations and descriptions of feelings. This author just gets it right.

the impossible now by stylinsoncity (M, 65K) I screamed about this fic for weeks when it was first posted because it’s just so moving and so beautifully written. It’s got a twist to it that makes it both wonderful romantic and heartbreaking at the same time. Happy ending, I promise, but I cried. A lot. Shocker, I know.

Little Technicolor Things by scary_crow (M, 72K) This is truly one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read and it is an absolutely travesty that it’s not being talked about every day. This fic is gorgeous and poetic and romantic and heartbreaking and an explosion of metaphoric images and everything I never knew I needed but now that I have it I want to read it over and over and over.

Finding Lou by stylinsoncity (M, 60K) This author’s writing is always such a pleasure to read -- they really know how to craft a moving story. Slow burn romance with some super sexy smut and lots of emotions. Yes, I cried.

Your Name Is Tattooed On My Heart by mcpofife (E, 87K) I reread this one recently and it's truly delightful. The characterizations are so well done. Harry is so endearing (I cried over his heartbreak). And the smut is both hot and really emotional. Love this one.

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews (E, 135K) Everything about this fic is glorious. I’m always struck by how well the characters are fleshed out, how their behavior lines up with their backstory, how ridiculously hot the chemistry is, and how agonizing the angst is. So yes, no shocker, I cried buckets. Thank god for a happy ending.

Empty Skies by green_feelings / @greenfeelings (E, 13K) I just started re-reading this the other day and it holds up so well. This author is always a pleasure to read. Their fics just are well plotted and the characters are nicely fleshed out. I loved Perrie as Harry’s bestie, the bitterness and angst is PAINFUL, and the ending feels well earned.

my heart is breathing for this moment in time by usedtothebeach (E, 160K) Probably my absolute favorite time travel fic. I’ve read it more times than I’d like to admit, and every time I love it more. One of the things I like most is how organically the author weaves in canon events…every little moment is an easter egg without it being so obvious that it pulls you out of the fic. Anyway, this one is so moving and so absorbing, I hope you like it if you give it a try! There’s an 18K companion piece to it as well, but you’ll see the link at the appropriate time when you’re reading the main fic (and when you read the scene that breaks your heart –– in the best possible way –– come and scream at me. You’ll know which one I mean).

no one does it better by nodibs (E, 50K) Oh lord. Get your tissues and hang on tight. Such well-written heartbreak. Happy ending, but you have to suffer first.

like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas (NR, 21K) Heartbreaking, perfect writing. So well-written that the fandom hated real-life Harry for a while after this was posted.

Also, you might want to check out my recs for:

Sad/Open Endings

Major Character Death

Angst

[cobbbvanth]

to me the really interesting thing about the way ofmd handles piracy as a metaphor for both masculinity and queerness is this. stede sees piracy in general as an escape from heteronormativity, and the way he runs his ship specifically as a way of deconstructing toxic masculinity. both of these things allow the crew to become a safe space for him to express his queerness, surrounded by other queer folks at different stages of their various queer journeys. meanwhile piracy for ed is a space for queerness (anything goes at sea) BUT to him it's also irrevocably represents toxic masculinity, not an escape from it. and this is where their opposing arcs come from in s2, because they're at different points in their journey.

piracy to stede is about the community he's built that allows him to be himself in all his camp effeminate gay glory, but for ed it reminds him of the abuse he now knows he doesn't have to endure anymore. and ed realises this because he met stede. (which makes me so !!!! the effect they've had on each other since day one!!) ed supported stede on his piracy journey, helping stede understand that his worth as a man didn't have to be tied to how effectively he played his role in society. this helps stede put his masculinity/queerness/piracy triangle in balance, seeing his life of piracy as a positive departure from the stifling expectations of masculinity and heteronormativity of his old life.

his time with stede kind of has the opposite impact on ed though, and that's where their conflict comes from. ed thought he had a functioning balance in his masculinity/queerness/piracy triangle - because being a pirate meant he could at least have his queerness, and he'd found a way to keep performing masculinity as 'blackbeard'. but stede helped him see that he didn't need to keep performing, he showed ed that there can be room for softness even in their line of work. stede giving ed the option of a different lifestyle did lead ed, the impulsive king that he is, to attempt to cut out piracy altogether. he reacts this way because he's not quite at the same point in his journey that stede is. stede was able to reach a balance after stepping away from piracy and going back to his family in s1, and we see ed doing the same thing by leaving piracy to be a fisherman in s2.

ed's (brief) time away from piracy shows him that he can't keep neglecting one part of his piracy/queerness/masculinity triangle - he needs to find a balance and acceptance of all three. in the end ed puts his leathers back on for love, and was able to lay 'blackbeard' to rest with izzy, helping him properly understand that piracy can be a positive analogy for queerness AND masculinity. stede and ed step away from piracy at the end of the season anyway, but they both do so with a much better understanding of how piracy gave them freedom to be themselves. i just think the way the show handles all of this is pretty neat

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

hi bestie saw ur post and im kinda curious about this since it's something not a lot of ppl are talking about next to ed's arc and izzy's death and all— what do you think about how they handled stede in the finale? I felt like a lot of the "incompetent wannabe pirate" jokes undermined his progress this season and also him deciding to stay at the inn with ed felt odd as he expressed he wanted to be a pirate and sail the sea. just wondering what other people think about that

[Oct 31, 2023]

Before we get into it, you are allowed to enjoy this show! My past (and next few) responses WILL be negative, but you aren't wrong for agreeing or disagreeing with most posts. Thanks to all the people who have already sent in messages! I can't wait to respond!!

I am an Izzy fan first and foremost, but how a show handles it's protagonist says a LOT about how it handles it' characters overall!

TLDR for this post: In any character-centric media, explore your characters as characters first. Develop your plot around them and their arcs. Don't treat an ensemble cast as faceless props for the story you're trying to tell. Stede's arc is weird because Stede is shoved in places where it feels like he doesn't fit anymore.

Creating a narrative focused on central character conflicts can work. This is how S1 was written. Stede and his actions directly lead to revealing truths of the world that push the plot forward. This worked because I'd argue the strongest part of OFMD overall is its characters. S2 misses out on this strongest aspect by only referencing its characters when it needs something from them.

S1 We went from Stede killing a guy-> The Act of Grace. S2 Stede tells a guy he shouldn't be an idiot and leave behind a calling card -> burning down the Republic of Pirates and killing Izzy. S2 doesn't feel as tied to Stede's arc of growing into a pirate. But Stede isn't the only person this has fucked over.

Each crew member has their role established from S1, we fans know how they work as a family. But in S2 most of the cast can be swapped out interchangeably unless its something that features this side character NICHE (Wee John in drag being good with fabrics, Roach being a cook).

Sadly, by focusing on the larger Zheng vs. Military arc, a story our characters BARELY caused, the audience misses out on potential character development. Instead of our characters facing the consequences of their actions, our favorite side characters are used as faceless narrative tools. This is largely why the crew was abandoned this season unless they had a romantic side plot. Seeing The Revenge sail off in episode 8, it feels like we barely care about them at all anymore.

As seen from @the-buttspie 's comment, even Stede's arc isn't left out of the firing range. His characterization in episode 8 is constantly thrown back and forth between 'Captain doing his best' and 'Village idiot' if the scene needs it.

Analyzing WHY I started to dislike Stede post episode 4 is FASCINATING, and I feel that digging all the way back to the beginning is a smart way to look at his character growth this season.

FRAMING: Stede's early story get's fucked over pacing-wise because his storyline happens side by side to that of Ed/Izzy.

Any dramatic moment is cut short to show just how much the other crew is NOT about to die. Every time I watch S2 with a new person, for episodes 1-3, they'll comment on how much they don't care about Stede's plot. Which is not a thing you'd want for your protagonist in a season of TV that's only 8 episodes long.

Stede goes through a really strong arc from S1 to the start of S2. For the first three episodes of S2, he puts the needs of his crew before the needs of himself. Literally making sure his crew is safe before going down to see Ed's corpse. I genuinely enjoyed how Stede stepped up for his family. How he doesn't blame the Revenge crew for killing Ed, realizing that yes. Ed is the love of his life and also a man who has seriously hurt so many people.

Eps 4-5: From that we see him trying to talk it through with Ed. While both of them aren't telling the whole truth, it's a good start! We're midway through the season, so we should expect things to get fleshed out more soon.

Until Stede decides 'I'm going to bring a man that tortured my family for 80+ days onboard less than 24 hours after my crew voted him off' Yes. Stede loves Ed to a stupid extent, but this starts the trend for Stede to be dangerously selfish this season using his power as captain to overwrite the want of his crew, a habit of his that partially gets Izzy killed.

I really enjoyed Stede in episode 5, and for me, this felt most like the Stede we recognize growing into a real Captain with hints of who he was. I think it says a lot that Stede still misses his layers and silks. That he craves the softness he used to have in the form of that cursed jacket. But as soon as Izzy is like 'you idiot, please listen to them, they will mutiny' Stede gives it up!!!! He's grown. He's listening to Izzy, he's talking with his crew! This episode did the one thing I wish the season did more of, show the reunited crew just living their lives.

This is where Stede stands out, it lets him be a bit more of a leader to the crew. Let him find his groove again. I loved it!!

Now: Killing Ned Low.

Stede choosing to kill Ned Low is the first time Stede killing someone counts. Yes, he burned down the ship French ship. But this is the first time the audience is supposed to care. I think this moment WAS in character and a really important moment for Stede. He chose this. This wasn't up to crew vote, Ned insulted Ed so fuck him, he deserves to die. Ned walks the plank, also referencing historical Bonnet's tendency to do the same thing.

This is where both Ed and Stede make an in-character mistake, having their first time after the rush of 'oh shit, I'm still alive, and I'm hurting and you're here too'. They don't regret their first time, clearly, they both enjoyed it, but both of them can't ignore what fueled it. Stede has had 3 episodes to re-establish himself with his crew, and now has very little time for the rest of the season with them to show off his growth. That's why, after the party, we don't feel like this show is showing off a family anymore. Even when reunited, they barely feel like a united front.

But from this point on, I personally feel that Stede should have toned down the humor a bit and act like he did in episode 3. Well, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself so-

Episode 7: Stede enjoys being popular, following in Ed's footsteps. He holds his ground against Ed, and overall this feels like a natural progression of his arc from episode 5. He knows what he wants in life and Ed not communicating is genuinely frustrating for him. Him being heartbroken and trying to fight Zheng like she's Izzy is one of the few callbacks I feel that works. As it compares a Stede who was supported by his crew, to this Stede who feels totally alone. I loved Stede this episode, only to be disappointed by-

Episode 8:

Where Ed is allowed to have his silly moments in private, I feel that Stede fluctuates between silly and serious WAY too much for us to take him seriously. Stede's response to Ed telling him he loved him being 'I know' also felt off to me.

"You're not a dick, life's a dick" This line is frustrating to me as it's Stede's response to Ed apologizing. Genuinely apologizing for his actions in the previous episode. This could have been a moment for us to feel like Stede and Ed were a united front but Stede's constant joking and not taking shit semi-seriously. Yes. He feels more comfortable around his family which is amazing.

But I can't help but point out how Stede chooses to go along with a plan the rest of the crew doesn't like. What NARRATIVE purpose was there for Stede trying to sell the captain? He has money, clearly. With the loot they still have, and a future alliance with Zheng.

Stede fucks up. His choice a plan that gets Izzy killed. The writers sacrificed Stede being a competent Captain who cares about his crew into what is described as a 'suicide mission' to push Izzy into his rushed death. A disservice to both characters.

ONTO:

Stede abandons piracy

I'm not shocked they did this, not after the other flubs of the episode, but I hate that it wasn't a conversation held between Ed and Stede.

They could cut the stupid joke about Ed being bad at fishing at the beginning and have these two idiots talking about their issues. Maybe establish that, yeah, piracy is a lot, and they deserve to settle down and get to know each other. Even if they return to the sea, this frames it as Ed finally finding peace and Stede getting pulled along, going against his character growth this season.

I'm surprised that they're setting this up now and not at the end of Season 3. Hell, I used to think S3 would be focused on Ed and Stede avoiding/faking their historical deaths. Given all the bullshit they'll have to clean up to wrap up all the loose ends established this season- S3 will be VERY Ed/Stede focused, I think the crew will still be inserted in without care or arc. Characters like Jim and Oluwande will be prioritized as they are in a relationship before our nonromantic characters like Wee John and Frenchie.

Stede and Ed's relationship, the driving force of the plot, still falls flat because after everything it still feels like puppy love. They've spent at most two months in person together, and two weeks in a serious relationship. I don't really feel convinced that they actually love each other. Ed still doesn't know that Stede was kidnapped at the end of S1, or why he struggles to talk about his feelings. Ed still hasn't talked about why he feels he needs to leave piracy, or his issues feeling like he doesn't belong anywhere in life. Their habit of running away the MOMENT things get hard just makes me not care about them.

I blame the size of the Izzy fandom on the fact that if you don't buy into the leads, there's almost nothing left here to sink your teeth into. The moment the show seems like they'll talk about it they hard pivot.

I hope S3ep1 happens after a LONG time jump. I want these fuckers to be snippy like two people snowed into a cabin for months. Sick of each other and bitching back and forth like no tomorrow. S3 is about genuinely breaking down their walls. Until then, I'll stick with Izzy, the Canyon, and his depressing version of this reality.

[marsupials-of-mars]

So, I don't think Stede wanted to kill Ned. Ed told him not to, and he did, but I don't think he wanted to.

I know it's been said that both sides still don't fully understand why the other would want them or the kind of life they have. They both think they have to change to be worthy, no matter what they are directly told by the other. It's a fundamental part of their identity that they hate their prior lives.

Think of the first scene of the season, a rugged bearded pirate stede killing his romantic rival in cold blood, an act of utter devotion and unbridled passion, and Ed loves it.

This part of his identity extends to how he expresses himself romantically. I'm not saying that he can't just be eager, like in the second kiss and the sex, especially because he's finally freeing himself from repression of his sexuality. But think about the context.

He wants to show Ed he cares. Ed has defended him with force. He sees Ed being berated and tortured, and he can finally do something about it. Ed tells him not to do it, but Ed is only saying that to spare his fragile mind. Ed would kill Ned in a second, and now Stede is a real pirate, and he is going to show Ed that he can pull his weight, protect his love, use his mean voice, be a proper captain.

So, afterwards, we have Ed, who didn't want Stede to kill Ned for not only Stede's sake, but for his own. Because he's even more sick of the brutality now than ever, he was finally a little settled with a boyfriend who can take things slow with him, and help him appreciate beauty. But he won't say that, because stede made his choice, and he's here to comfort him, because he must be having a horrible time, with how he's handled killing in the past.

But we also have Stede, who catches him entirely off guard. Because he sees the killing of Ned as a GRAND ROMANTIC GESTURE. The shedding of the self to become something new and worthy, not just for Ed, but because he said he wanted to be a pirate, and he'll never go back on that again. So he assumes, after this grand gesture, that this is the perfect moment for their first time. Because it's so romantic! And he even goes in with gusto, how sexy!

He's completely blindsided by Ed saying it was a mistake. Because if he went to the lengths of killing a man in cold blood to make absolute certain that he would do anything for this love to work, then Ed saying it was a mistake means that there's no hope of it ever not being a mistake.

And Ed watches Stede change like this, trying to be happy for him because it's not his place to tell him not to be a pirate after everything. And obviously Stede was spooked by the idea of starting new, plain lives, enough that he refused theirs and left his own twice.

And he watches, knowing that he's taught him this way and played a huge role in hardening him, making him lose so much of the softness and beauty that he fell in love with.

Because he can't help but defile beautiful things.

[sageandred]

Ranking Midnight Mass Characters

Riley: I like him and definitely a fave to watch; I like how they handle his atheism, not really trying to "fix him" (well the characters do, but not the writers) and make it a message of him coming to some revelation to mend his past or making him the "cool" unbothered non-religious character that shows like to do (he's very bothered by things not necessarily having to do with the religious aspect (the religious aspect is a big part t/o his storyline, but he isn't bothered by his choice with not being religious is what I mean); he's dissatisfied by life and walks thru town with a blank kind of expression (affectionate)

Erin: didn't expect to like her, but I found myself caring about her by the end; steps up to be a leader for people when she doesn't have to; a beautiful personal vision of life and death; she was just trying to find peace from her past and fulfill a happier future

Sheriff Hassan: his scenes with Joe somehow filled my heart with empathy; his speech on religion was a great moment to witness on tv; his son kinda pmo in the second to last episode, but it's ok

Mama Gunning: I love how she's one of the only people to have sense to the broken Word of the priest and I love she tells her daughter not to go back to his service (which I doubt would be a problem for her in the first place) when she attends a service again once she she's better to leave the house

(Riley's dad) Ed Flynn: not good at expressing feelings, but their relationship feels real. He's not perfect, but as a character, his flaws are more engaging than others with more likeable characteristics. also him saying "I did my best" just like Riley did...absolutely beautiful storytelling

Joe: I don't entirely like him, but I'm intrigued by him (was slightly rooting for him); this show basically ends in you rooting for the "offenders" and hating some (many) of the self-righteous. He deserved better than he got

Sarah Gunning: I liked her, especially at first, but she didn't really do much so I can't put her higher; I wish that she did more, tbh or that we got her backstory on her career or personal life more

(Riley's mom) Annie Flynn: I found her ok, then in the middle something about her rubbed me the wrong way; I was happy with her in the end; her calling out Bev Keane was a bonus; I think I like her more than Riley's dad, but I liked watching him more overall (they are both utterly clueless and don't listen to the people who try to warn them and that frustrated me in the moment, but it makes sense they didn't want to accept truths re:Riley)

Father Paul: my feelings for him pretty much stayed the same from beginning until his speech in the church to Mildred in the last episode; his incomprehensible chants for (spoiler alert) The Character Who Can't Be Named never get old; my interpretation is he has a lot of guilt yet keeps lying about it to justify his actions and overall convince himself of some largely-held Christian beliefs

Bev: if you're looking for a character you hate from beginning to end, look no further than her

There's not enough on the kids. or the Church Team Bodyguards (who I don't like) to rank them

[locke-esque-monster]

Miscellaneous (and by no means comprehensive) thoughts on Daryl Dixon tv show

The English major in me loves the narrative symmetry in making Daryl cut off the hand of someone who is a semi-redeemable dick after giving Rick so much shit about putting Merle in that position in season 1.

Likewise for whatever is happening with the symbolism of Daryl using the flag to kill a zombie. Or him fighting his way off the beaches of France as a reverse of his grandfather.

Did I almost instantly figure out that guy dying on the beach was an ancestor on Daryl's? Yes. But subtle storytelling has never been this universe's forte.

Good Lord, the abundance of religious imagery in this show. I don't hate it... but Jesus Christ (I'm referring to the exclamation - not who Laurent is the least subtle stand-in for him).

Ah, so apparently even in France they don't have haircuts in the apocalypse. Clearly the only people who knew how to give a haircut lived in Alexandria (Jessie, Enid), and now they're dead we're forever doomed to shaggy-haired children and trying to peer through a curtain of hair to read Daryl's expression. How the hell does anyone fight a zombie with all that hair in their face, and no hair ties? Or are the men like, incapable of cutting their hair without a woman handling it?

We need more fighting nuns on tv shows.

I have been inordinately stressed every time I see Carol's knife get left somewhere in France. I'm starting to wonder if it returns to your pocket ala Riptide from the Percy Jackson books.

I don't hate the possibility of Daryl/Isabelle the show is dancing around. It's like Daryl/Connie - it's got a solid foundation, I can see why someone would ship it and I respect that. But it's not the ship of my heart I'm (clownishly) holding out hope for - Daryl/Carol.

I love how TWD gave the remaining episodes of the last season a single "fuck" per episode and now Daryl can just sprinkle them into his conversation at will. It feels like justice or recompense for every character who should have always been saying "fuck" at will on tv (looking at you Dean Winchester).

Carol, my queen, my inspiration, my favorite morally gray woman on tv - God, I've really missed you.

Second to that, I've missed the hell out of that pixie cut from peak Carol era. Carol knows exactly what haircut is practical on a mission.

For all that I heard about a twist, all I could figure during the radio call was Rick or Michonne was coming back. Or even that broken-up line was a trick, and Carol was just asking Daryl to come back safely. Maybe the phone call was a set-up for a reunion of Daryl & Carol in the finale. It wasn't until the car chase and right around where it stopped did it snap into my head that no one was getting out of that car but Carol. Bless whoever did something to ensure Carol got her proper ending. She never would have let Daryl go off on all these adventures that long, or alone, without looking for him.

I can't help but wonder what Carol in France would have entailed and how the story would have played differently. How would she have dealt with her relapsed Christianity? Or addressing any history she may have with France (aspirations to go there, history with Ed's family likely being French with that last name)? Or was the story always meant to split them up?

That said, if I can't have a Daryl and Carol together show (because oh my god, they would have to avoid them talking about their feelings too much and they have decided to avoid this by separation), I will certainly take a whole season of Carol. Give me all of the Carol.

[alwaysonthemend]

Hi Dee, I have read What it Means to say I Love You in the past 24 hours for like about 5 times and still has tears in my eyes. I know the question about negative comments on Jake's weight has been brought up over and over again (and perhaps too many times in my opinion) but I would like to personally thank you for writing this fic because how much it means to me.

I have been struggling with an eating disorder for the past three years, it is a secret that I kept even from my closest family. I am not officially diagnosed so that often left me feeling invalid. Because of school and my anxiety, things have been extra hard recently. I can't bear looking at myself in the mirror and hates taking showers when I have to touch and face my own body. As horrible as it sounds, I don't know who I am without my ED. Recently I've been asked to introduce myself and I have a hard time coming up with answers, I found that I have nothing much to tell, my ED is probably the biggest thing that defines me but that is something I can never tell anyone.

Reading this fic makes me cry because I just wish there'd be someone who will tell me it's ok like y/n does to Jake, and I know that there's no one beside myself. A fic obviously isn't going to change me instantly, but during the few minutes that I was reading it, I somehow feel healed and hopeful.

Finding solace and some degree of reconciliation from a reader insert fic that addresses the body insecurity of the other? sounds a bit weird, right? but somehow that's exactly what this fic do to me. I know there are many fics about one of the boys comforting reader about their body image issues but few of them speaks to me. At least speaking for myself, when you have an ED, you both crave attention and reject help: you want people to comment on you losing a few pounds and looking skinny but absolutely hate when they express their worry and say sh*t like "please eat for me". However, the way you handle the issue in the topic is full of love, accurate on the bodily experience of the insecurity and fully about self-autonomy and body positivity. I tend to romaniticize my ED and it has become my comfort zone, it is hard to realize the ugly reality when you are neck-deep in the sh*t yourself, but it is different when you see it on others. Hence why I feel so empowered by this fic. I have always been in Jake's lane and knowing that body insecurity is something that have probably affected him and knowing how much it can hurt makes me wonder perhaps I could change. And that makes this fic feels extra endearing and personal to me. The way it is addressed through "I love you" makes me think that just maybe, I can try using that love on myself as well. Things obviously won't change over night, but now at least I have found a new, positive spot to dwell on during the hard times.

I love the way you addresses the boy's insecurity, (like in Mini Fic), what you are doing is amazing. I have always believed in the power of words, and this message you want to tell your readers is very meaningful. You have helped me in ways that you don't even know. You are a very talented writer, if this is what you are passionate about, please hold onto this power.

Sorry this is long and disturbing. I'm glad if you even read it through. Sincerely, thank you.

my sweet, sweet anon. as much as i call myself a writer, finding the right words to answer this has been difficult.

to start, i want to say thank you. thank you for sending this ask and thank you for being so open and honest. though i obviously don't know who you are, please know that wherever, whoever you may be... you inspire me and i am so very thankful for you.

"what it means to say i love you" is one of those fics that though i love it dearly, i was so very nervous to post it. struggling with body image and weight is scary and can be isolating. and that fic was my way of expressing those feelings in a way that hopefully helps other people feel less alone.

i know that when im struggling with insecurity, i ache for someone to say something - to comfort me, to tell me it's okay, to tell me that they love me. and yet at the same time, im terrified for anyone to know how im really feeling. and as silly as it may seem to others, reading and writing fics that address these feelings can make that burden just a little bit lighter... just a little bit easier. they're my way of reminding myself that i deserve to be loved and that each of my readers does as well. so i am so very glad that it has been as meaningful to others as it is to me.

i have found some of my closest friends through greta van fleet and i have found a community that i love to be a part of. jake has always been a comfort to me and my love for him has helped me find others who feel the same. and anon, just as jake is loved by so many of us, so are you.

truly though, this ask made me speechless in the best way. im sitting here trying to articulate all the emotions that im feeling but i just don't think that i can. all i can say, anon, is this: thank you, im proud of you, and i love you very much. you are NOT alone.

knowing that at least one person out there found meaning in a fic that i wrote makes it all more than worth it.

and i hope everyone who follows me knows that i am always here for each and every one of you and i consider myself so very blessed to have you all.

and to those reading this, no matter who you are, no matter what you struggle with, no matter the sadness, the insecurity, the hurt, the struggles that you have gone through, no matter what you have had to face - alone or otherwise... you DESERVE comfort, you DESERVE to be seen, and you DESERVE to be loved. and i love you. each and every one of you.

and my dearest anon,

i don't know who you are. i don't know what you look like. i may never see you laugh. i may never get to cry with you or get drunk with you, or see you smile, or ever speak with you directly.

but i love you and i am proud of you.

[the-haunted-office]

/* from the harass the mum meme */

A slip of paper flutters down to where the muses are gathered. Scribed on it in calligraphic script with glittery navy blue ink, it says, Harass Author. A dozen sets of eyes all turn to Ed.

Ed turns, looking from face to face, the expression on his own becoming more and more anxious. "M-me?" He stutters. "What? I'm not harassing Author!"

"Don't look at me, I'm staying out of this," Flynn says. "Besides, most of us are stuck on the grid and can't get off."

"Just like you're staying out of your son's life?" Ed parries.

"That's not—" Mara starts, though is quickly cut off with a hand over her mouth by Zed.

"Let the user handle this one," he tells her, though he gives her and Clarke an indecipherable look.

"Oh, ah, right," Mara acquiesces.

Sverdrup glances at Clarke, and passes something to the Occupation guard. "The laser at Encom is down for maintenance, unfortunately," they report.

"You're the one that's been involved with her muses, so you're the best candidate," Aurelius hums.

Ed turns to Peter.

"You're really asking me for help?" Peter asks, his voice low.

"You're creepy enough," Ed says.

"If I do this, you will be accepting a dinner invitation."

Ed backs off in a hurry.

"Well, looks like it's settled then," Flynn says. "Off you pop, or whatever it is you Brits say!"

Ed doesn't even get to protest that he's not British before Clarke steers him firmly toward the door with her hands on his hips. The rest of the muses crowd around large window in The Fourth Wall to watch.

Clarke is distinctly missing one of the explosive devices she usually carries when she joins the rest at the window.

Ed takes a deep breath, then wanders over to Author.

"Hey, Author…" He says drawing out each word. He leans on her shoulder, taking a page out of one stab-happy muses's book—though not the one the ghostly conspirators would have wanted—and a firm push would easily get him off her shoulder. From how stiff he is, it just looks… Awkward.

"Whatcha reading?" He asks, awkwardly.

At this rate he's more likely to kill her from second hand embarrassment than annoy her.

He frees, then squirms, like something had crawled up his pants. He frowns and stands up straight, and brushes something off his pants. Something else crawls out of his pant pocket. Ed reaches into his pocket… And pulls out a small, round, device… That is definitely Clarke's missing explosive device. Something—looking much like a spider out of a videogame—crawls out of the device.

"What the hell is that?" Ed squawks. He drops the device and kicks it across the room. It exploded into a massive ball of green and black spiders on impact with the far wall.

Ed practically jumps out of his skin at the explosion, then backs up and trips over where Author is sitting.

He looks up at her in horror from where he's sprawled on the ground like he's no longer sure if he's more afraid of the spiders or her. "This-this looks bad. I… Ah, I don't know where that came from. I'm so, so sorry."

Please send your Muses to harass the MUN of this blog.

Author is sitting there doing some very bendy Fourth Wall flexing when Ed approaches. She has to be able to do such things - it's all Stanley Parable inspired - otherwise she'd be failing at her job.

Lucky for Ed, the fat little raccoon has her computer chair raised up all the way, thus making it easier for him to lean on her furry little shoulder.

She grunts a little at his weight and twitches her whiskers at him. "Mmmm, I'm reading... about you leaning on me just now. Although I guess that doesn't count, because you're doing it right now. Look," she says, pointing at her computer screen where the ask Elf just sent is situated.

"Interesting, interesting. Who are all these other muses? We shall have to meet them, Ed, hue hue hue hue- Eh? What's that you've got there?" she suddenly interrupts herself when she sees something happening on his pants. "Ooooh, is that another explosive? Is it spicy like that pipe bomb I got earlier? Ohhhh hue hue hue hue, hand it over, Ed!"

The Author is just about to snatch it up for herself and do what else with it other than try to eat it, when Ed kicks it across the room instead. Next thing she knows, she's been tripped over, knocked out of her chair, and then there are spiders.

"AGGHHH! Okay, don't panic! Nobody panic! Spiders are- they're everywhere! It's okay, maybe they're spicy spiders, hue hue hue, let me see."

The chonky raccoon all but scrabbles over Ed to get the green and black spiders, whiskers on the end of her muzzle twitching with excitement and eyes huge and glittering.

"What is it you wanted again, Ed?" she calls over her shoulder as she chases after one of them. "You came here for something, didn't you?"

[idkwhattitlevsblognamemeans]

November 28th babeyy

copy writing workshop yesterday, learnt about Word Tonic. Doing that i guess Novermeber 30th babeyyyy I think I def got the date wrong, or maybe that was on thursday. I'ts Saturday now though, 9:39 am. Woke up in a weird mood but then I find I always do when Iactually just need to poop bu the poop doesn't come until an hour or two after waking. To want something is to experience a desire for a specific joy. And when that joy is not fulfilled, as just in that moment it is the strongest, is frustrating feeling. That is why quitting smoking is a fucking bitch. But when you get so tired of experiencing that feeling (with smoking at least, I think this is how I got over it all: first of all, its not that hard if you just never smoke another cigarette... like thats what you sign up for when you decide to quit something. To never do it again. therefore, you are not a quitter if you do it even once again.) December 1st is tomorrow, I think its been a bit over a month and a half of no nicotine for me. SO much has happened. I can't process with my mom because I have to sensor myself in Russian with her, and also maybe I am disrespecting the language. I need Russian Adult fiction. I am now listening to Lolita.

Woke up at 7:45, made a smoothie, maybe I need to spend less time thinking and more time doing. What is the proper balance there though. I start to wonder what I do everyday and what my thoughts are bout.

It turns out when I feel like I want to get high, that I acctually just want to have some time to think and process. I think I used to do all of my processing in the running. Maybe I should go for another run. I am uncertain if I am about to slip into a whole other ED. cycle or if the behaviour of wanting to for a run rn despite the already incredible physical pressure I am putting my body under is normal. I have found myself asking a lot of questions about what is normal at the moment. I don't think anything is. You can really do anything and one side judges the other. I think the division in political opinions is stupid (2 party system? we can barely handle the mere notion of us all being in the spectrum. (mic drop?))

I also want to go for a run though because I love running. I do all my processing. I am debating what I'm going to do with the rest of my life (omigosh I am dreaming I guess) and this would be a nice life:

I am a copywriter, I take the course at my own time, do the little practice exercises, keep training to be a circus acrobat? Or at least a very strong yoga/calisthenics girl. I am actually in awe that I have gotten as far as I have. I am no where near the strong I need to be but I am so much more powerful than a past version of me.

My values:

lesniche -> a whole person!!! gift Ideas: High Peaks Adirondack sticker book -> I could DIY Algonquin and Anishnabe patches and one for wolf trail

I tend to remember my thoughts more when thought #2 is about #1. I try to plan the next couple thoughts I will express and don't therefore try to reprogram or explore thought #1 at all, and the more thoughts you can have in a row, the more of them you skip over and don't spend any time on. by the time you get to thought #7 you've glossed over a whole #6,#5,#4,#3,#2,#1.

I have been discovering new genres/new very specific niches. I think as music has evolved, we have gained more niches of music. Like it all started with drum circles and singing, maybe some stomping. and then that expanded to throat singing, and choirs and shit and people singing together. People plucking strings, earlier made out of animal sinew, now horsehair and shit.

And by the time you get to the orchestra, you've bent wood in ways it that send a shiver down my spine and a section of humanity is playing bethoven on some newfangled instruments. You can't have a violin without Anyone else feel like we haven't had any new instruments recently?

I want to learn about history by learning about when the different instruments came into play and how that correlated to emerging technologies at the time. And how that in turn had an effect on culture. Then I could use what little data analytics knowledge I have to run correlation vs causation on opinion stats regarding this??? IDK or somehow creat a weighting system. I am thinking like a data person but the correlation between technologies and instruments and culture might not make sense, culture is comprised of both art and technology. Art is going to be what keeps us as alive as it give you a reason to live. I iwant to paint, I want to create I want to build, I want to make beauty. I haven't stopped thinking about how much performance art is about conveying a feeling, telling a story. Art. Or making you feel stuff. I want to do everything in an artful way. Yoga is body being art.

Anyways back to classical music... as technology progresses, our capbilities for making different noises has expanded and thats how we now have EDM. But like you can't make EDM music with non edm equipment, and you can't have an EDM software without a computer, computers wouldn't have existed without the need for a more sophisticated calculator. and we needed math for doing fair trades and coexisting? We just keep extending, exploring, and acting on new facets of thoughts and fantasys (dreams?) towards every new facet of need we have that sparks innovation on how to connect the two. Innovation therefore comes out of a primal need to fulfill our needs. These are my raw thoughts. unfiltered. Is this waht everyone else thinks about.

efficiency. If I just think In the way I'd prefer to write, that makes this whole thing super easy. It's method acting.

I feel like I need to write otherwise my head will explode. I'm uncertain what is going on but I want to write. like have been dying to. I've signed up for a copywriters course. (And paid for a $275 course about it. but they offered 6 months free access to the discord thooo -> imagine running that, remote job, super fun I bet)

I think that the key to my personal humor is to understand the key to the way my brain works. And maybe people can just laugh at the situations my character ends up in.

I shouldn't be deciding how much time things take. I should just start doing them and then be ok with not finishing the task. Packing for Henry:

outfit for dinner

outfit for going outside

What will I wear to the parttyyy tnn

blacck underwear/ assless chaps

Lolita: rationalizing what you are feeling

from the r/Grimes surbrettig:

Sometimes I think Grimes is the girl they describe in the book of Revelation. There’s a section about a harlot and a dragon. The harlot pours out all the wickedness that was sewn unto her by evil men and it rots everything. :):):) https://www.reddit.com/r/Grimes/comments/1h2x3pz/am_i_crazy/