#i can't call myself an artist but i tried to draw better

[samandcolbyownme]

Summary: anon request - "hear me out ok .. ok what if reader was getting a tattoo and JAKE is the person who does the tattoos??????"

Warnings: TW needles, getting tattooed, male tattooing female reader, mentions of being in pain and smoking, mainly fluff

Word Count: 5.5K | kind of edited

╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗

"Hello?"

"Hey y/n, it's Corey from Emblem One."

You smile, "oh hey. What's up, Corey?" You sit up and listen to him, " So, Vienna isn't going to be in today, she's got a bad, and I mean bad case of the flu."

You pout slightly, "Oh. Thats too bad. I hope she feels better soon."

"Yeah, me too. I just got done rescheduling her appointments today.. she was booked and busy so it's.. been a day so far." He laughs slightly, "But I know you trust the rest of us, and I was going down over our other appointments and Jake has an earlier opening if you want it."

"Is he the one you were talking about bringing in a few weeks ago?"

"Yeah, that's him. He does pretty sick work, if I do say so myself, but you know that if I didn't think he could do your tattoos, I wouldn't recommend him." Corey chuckles slightly, "I know it's a sternum tattoo, so if you're no-"

"Put me in." You say quickly, "I need tattoo therapy Corey. I can't wait any longer." You laugh and he clicks his tongue, "You got it."

He pauses for a second, "So instead of coming in at six like you were supposed to with V, he can get you in at two thirty. That sound okay?"

"That's absolutely perfect. Thank you so much for calling me."

"Anytime. See you in a little."

"Yep, bye." You hang up, checking the time before getting up to go shower.

You were getting a chest piece done, a floral setting under your boobs with a vine that goes in between them.

You were actually kind of nervous for this one, well.. it wouldn't be as bad if you hadn't let google and all of its pain scale ratings deter your feelings about it.

You tried not to think about it by going to the shops page, looking to see if they posted an introduction to Jake.

They did, and wow is he ever pretty.

You bite your lip, reading down over the basic info that's listed below his picture.

Emblem One would like to introduce our newest artist, Jake Webber. Jake has been tattooing for a few years and he is absolutely incredible. You can swipe to see a few of the pieces that he's done so far, and if you would like to schedule an appointment with Jake, please call the shop and we'll get you set up.

You raise your eyebrows as you swipe through the attached pictures, "Wow." You shake your head, Corey was right, his work is pretty sick.

You find yourself in the comments, and to no surprise, you're reading stuff that definitely should have stayed in the keyboard.

User1: I have no tattoos, but now I want one that will take hours

User2: I have a few openings that I can definitely schedule you in to fill.

User3: I'd leave a wet spot on the table, he's so hot

"People have no chill." You roll your eyes, laughing slightly as you double tap the picture to like it before getting in the shower.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You push the door to the tattoo shop open, walking in as you give Corey a smile, "Hey."

He stands up, "What's up, y/n?"

You shake your head, closing the door behind you, "Nothing really, about to get a tattoo." You laugh slightly and he chuckles, "You don't say."

He slides the paper for you to sign, "Are you nervous?"

You sign your name and shrug, "I know it's going to hurt, but I'm so excited for it."

He chuckles and nods, "Yeah, I don't really think it's going to tickle." He nods to the back, "I'll go tell Jake you're here."

He walks back, leaving you alone in the small lobby that you're very familiar with. You walk over, looking at the different paintings and drawings that are on the walls.

You've seen them a bunch of times but they always amaze you.

"Y/n."

You turn, seeing Jake standing there and your eyes move up to meet his - wow, he's a lot taller in person.

You smile, "Yes, hi." You walk over to him, "You must be Jake."

He extends his hand out, "That would be me."

You lay your hand in his and it feels like fireworks are going off inside of your stomach.

"So if you're ready.." he nods towards the door, hand still holding yours, "You can follow me this way."

You nod, blinking a few times as you smile, "Yes. I am more than ready." You slip your hand from his and he gives you a little smirk before walking back the hall.

You follow him back, saying hi to the other artists that are there today.

"You're popular here aren't you?" Jake jokes and you laugh, "I've known Corey since, middle school, I think."

"So you're friends with the owner, how sick is that?" Jake sits down on his stool and you nod, "It has its perks."

You sit your bag down on the extra chair in the corner and shrug your jacket off. You turn around letting out a quiet, but loud enough to catch Jake's attention, "shit."

"Everything okay?" Jake looks up from getting everything set up and you nod, "Yeah, well. I mean no. I wanted to bring an extra shirt with me, just so I didn't get ink all over this one, and I forgot it."

"I have an extra one if you want it." Jake offers and you raise your brows, "Do you really?"

He nods, getting up from his stool, "It's in my car, but I can go out and grab it quick."

"Are you sure?" You tilt your head, "I don't want to be a hassle. I know you have other appointments later."

He shakes his head, "Nah, just one. But that isn't until six or something, so we have plenty of time." He grabs his keys and points to the door, "I'll be right back."

"Thank you!" You say as he walks out. You turn, digging your phone from your bag and bringing it up to text your best friend, I got rescheduled so I'm here at the shop now. Corey put me with the new guy they hired and oh my gosh is he a sweetheart, and oh, he is sooo pretty, too. Go to Emblem One on IG and look. It's their new artist. Jake.

Just as you get done, basically fan girling about Jake, he walks back in, "Here you are."

You take the shirt from his hand and smile, "You are a lifesaver, Jake. Thank you."

He bats the air, "Oh shucks." He laughs slightly and walks towards the door, "I'm going to let you get comfortable, I'll be back in a few."

You watch as he leaves, closing the door behind him.

You take off your shirt off, followed by your bra before slipping on his shirt. Your eyes scan over the black walls, moving over the long mirror hung horizontally against it.

You walk over to the mirror, spending the last few minutes alone trying to figure out how you were going to keep yourself covered while he tattoos.

As you're moving the shirt around, there's a knock on the door and you quickly pull it down, "Come in."

The door opens and Jake walks in, "Comfy cozy?"

You laugh slightly, moving to sit back on the table, "As much as I can get."

"Is there anything else I can do for you before we get started?" He sits down, turning to look at you with a smile.

You tilt your head, "It's more or less how I'm going to stay covered up, I don't want anyone uncomfortable. I seen other shops have hospital gowns that they have people put on backwards.."

He smirks slightly, "I was actually thinking about that out there and, I don't have a hospital gown, but what I can do, is cut the shirt up the middle and then tape it down so you're covered."

"I don't want you ruining your shirt, Jake." You shake your head slightly and he shrugs, "That's an old shirt anyway. I won't miss it."

"Are you sure?" You ask and he smiles as he grabs the scissors, "So. Are we doing this?"

You laugh, moving to stand up, "I guess we are."

He rolls over, pinching the hem of the shirt with his fingers before gliding the scissors upward. You lay your hands on your boobs to keep them covered and your breath hitches quietly as the cool air hits your skin.

"Let me grab the tape."

You nod as you watch him wheel over, grabbing the white tape before coming back over. He look up at you, "If you feel uncomfortable at anytime and need or want me to stop, please tell me."

"You're fine, Jake." You smile.

That wasn't a lie, you were, oddly enough, more comfortable with him than you were with any of your actual guy friends.

"I'm just saying. I don't want you writing a bad yelp review." He tries not to laugh but fails which causes you to laugh, "Oh yeah, I'm going to totally go home after this and write the worst review ever."

"Maybe that'll make the girls in the instagram comments stay away." He snickers as he shakes his head while taping down the shirt to your skin.

"You saw them?" You drop your hands and he look up with a nod, "Oh yeah." He rolls his eyes and sighs, "But I seen you liked it, so thanks for that."

You can feel your cheeks heating as he pushes himself back, "Oh, that. Yeah, i was just.. showing love to my favorite tattoo shop, you know."

Way to play it cool, y/n, you mentally slap yourself as you sit down on the table again.

He chuckles, "No I appreciate that. I know being a new artist to some is kind of scary, but Corey said he would hype me up and it obviously worked, since you're sitting on my table."

You laugh, "he did. Don't worry. He said your art was sick and I have to agree with him. You do some good work, Jake."

He smiles as he holds up a fresh, unopened needle, "Steril, clean." He brings it down to open it up, "Thank you. I appreciate getting that confirmed." He chuckles as he puts everything together.

You make small talk while he gets the stencil ready, asking where you're both from, what you do for work, this and that.

"alright, if you would come stand in front of me." He points with his pinky to the floor in front of him. You walk over to him and he rubs soap onto your skin before shaving the spot the stencil is going to be.

You look in the mirror, watching Jake as he works to get you ready.

"I'm actually nervous about this. I heard this spot hurt."

He smirks, "everyone is different, you know pain tolerance and all, but considering you have a few others, I think you'll be fine. If you need to take a break or two, or five.." he laughs slightly, "Just let me know."

You nod, "Sounds good."

He applies a thin layer of the stencil solution to your skin before turning around to pick up the thin layer of paper, "Alright. Nice and straight and stay as still as you can for me."

You let your hands hang by your sides as you try to control your breathing. You glance in the mirror, watching as Jake smooths out the stencil over your sternum and under your boobs.

"I think, this is going to be a sick ass tattoo." Jake leans back, letting the stencil sit for a few seconds before gently peeling it off, "take a look at that, let me know if you need it moved or anything."

He watches as you turn to look at the stencil in the mirror. You nod, "That's good. I like where it's at."

He nods, "Then we'll let that dry for a few minutes then I guess we'll get right into it." He smiles as he turns away to pour the ink into the little cups.

"I know your post said you've been tattooing for a while, but I'm nosey, so how long is a while exactly?" You sit back down, making sure to keep your body as straight as you can.

He laughs slightly, "Well, if you must know." He glances at you with a smirk, "I was an apprentice for about two years then I worked with an artist in the city for a little bit until I got a call from Corey."

"Did Corey find you on Instagram?" You reach up to run your hand through your hair and Jake laughs, "No, actually. My friend Sam got him in touch with me."

You blink, "Wait. Sam.. what's his last name?"

"Golbach."

"Shut up."

"I'm confused." Jake laughs and you shake your head, "No, no. I know Sam."

"Really? No fuckin' way." Jake's mouth drops open, "How do you know Sam?"

"My family knows his family. Ever since we were little." You shake your head, "That's crazy. Maybe it is a small world after all."

"Yeah, yeah." He smiles, "It sure is."

You smile and after a few seconds of silence, he points, "I'm going to check your stencil if that's okay."

"Oh no." You push your chest out, "Go ahead."

He walks up, gently rubbing his finger over the end part and nods, "Ready?"

You take a deep breath, "I guess so." You laugh as you swing your legs up, lying back on the table. Jake sits down, wheeling himself and the cart over.

You hear the buzzing of the tattoo gun and you take a deep breath. Jake applies a thin layer of Vaseline over the stencil, "Alright. If you need a break at all, let me know."

"Alright." You nod, taking in a deep breath before he anchors your skin down to start.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Halfway through the tattoo, you opted for a break.

Jake takes your hand, helping you sit up. You swing your legs over the edge of the table, "Thank you."

He nods, taking off his gloves before shrugging off his jean jacket, revealing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.

"I like your tattoos." You smile as your eyes move over his tatted skin. He smiles, "Thanks. I'm kind of an addict when it comes to them."

"Tattoos are hot, so it's okay." You smirk at him as you get up to look into the mirror. He walks up behind you, "Yeah, they really are." His eyes move from your half finished tattoo to your eyes and his lips form into a smirk before he turns away.

"Do you care if I go out and have a smoke real quick?"

You shake your head, "Nope. You're good." You smile at him, "Take your time."

"So sweet." He smiles and pulls the pack from his jacket pocket, "I don't know if you smoke, but I'd feel like it would be rude of me not to offer you one."

You laugh and shake your head, "I only smoke when I'm drinking, or drunk, I should say."

"Nothing wrong with a drink and smoke." He smiles and puts a cigarette between his lips, "I'll be back."

You nod, bending down to get your phone out so you can snap a picture of your tattoo progress. You laugh when you read over the text from your friend, oh my god. He is absolutely beautiful. You're letting him see your tits? Lucky day for both of you lol

You roll your eyes, taking a picture of your current state, He gave me his shirt and cut it so he could keep me covered. He's honestly very respectful, but we're halfway done. I'll send you a picture when it's all done.

You walk back over and toss your phone in your bag before going back to sit on the table. As you sit and wait for Jake, you can't help but think about how you feel like you've known Jake for years.

You clicked with him, so fast that it was actually kind of scary.

"I brought you a water." Jake says as he rounds the corner into the room. You look up, smiling as you take it, "Thank you so much."

You open it, taking a sip before lifting your legs to rest them on the table, "How was your smoke?"

He nods, "It was alright." He laughs as he grabs new gloves, "Don't worry, I washed my hands when I came in."

"No worries, I trust you." You smile, watching as he pulls the black gloves over his hands.

He had nice hands. Very. Nice hands.

"Are you ready to start again?" Jake snaps you out of your stare and you smile, "Yes. Yes I am." You lay back on the table as look over at Jake, "So is this your first sternum piece?"

He looks up at you, "Mm, not really. I did a touch up on one other, but her boyfriend stared me down the whole time."

"Oh I bet that was awkward." You stare up at the ceiling, "I hate that. I hate people in general."

Jake chuckles before he starts tattooing, "I totally get what you mean."

"Oh, I don't hate you. I hope you didn't ta-"

He cuts you off, "Not at all. Not at all." He smiles as he continues, "Don't take this the wrong way, but you have beautiful skin."

You bite down on your lip, smiling as you feel your cheeks turning red, "Thank you? I think."

He leans back, wiping your skin, "I meant that as a compliment, sorry if it didn't sound like one."

"No, no. It did. I just.. never got that compliment before."

"Really?" He shakes his head, "People are missing out to see you smile, then." He glances up at you, and you can tell that he's just as comfortable with you as you are with him.

You didn't really believe in love at first site stuff, but you did believe in that click, and that click is what you have with him.

"Alright, now this part might hurt a lot more than the bottom piece, so if you need another break, just tell me."

You give him a nod, biting down on your lip as he starts the vine that's between your boobs.

"Oh.. gosh.." you take calming breathes as he was right, it does hurt, "you were right."

You close your eyes, trying to think of something else and Jake helps with that.

"Have you lived here long?"

"Kind of." You say instantly, "I've been here a few years. I actually only live a few streets over in the Green Ridge apartment building."

"Nice, nice." Jake wipes away and gives you a little breather, "Do you have any pets?"

"I have a cat." You laugh slightly, "I would love a dog, but my building doesn't have the grass around it for them to go out, you know."

"Oh man. Of course not. What's your cat's name?"

You laugh slightly, "Um. It's mystic. He's a fluffy grey cat and I got the name from The Vampire Diaries." You wince slightly as you feel the needle piercing your skin, "I'll show you a picture when we're done."

"I would love to see it." He smiles as he moves onto the next part, "I don't have any pets. Mainly because I spend most of my time in the shop, whether it's drawings or tattooing, I just like being here."

"Did you draw that moon phase picture above the mirror?" Your eyes move to the frame and back to him, "Yeah I did." He looks up at you with a smile, "it wasn't easy, took me forever but I finally finished it."

"Do you.. think you can draw me a flower piece that connects to the top of this one?"

He nods, "I'd be honored."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Two hours of talking and tattooing later, Jake is up by your shoulder, leaning over you to finish the top of your tattoo, "We are almost done, sweetheart."

The cute little pet name makes your stomach flip and your cheeks turn pink, "Okay." You say quietly with a smile, "I'm so excited to see it."

"I may be biased, since I'm the one who's doing it, but it's so pretty." He nods, "I like it."

"I'm sure I will too."

"If you don't like it, you can tell me. I promise I'll wait to cry until you leave." He laughs and turns to get more ink.

"I don't think you'll need to cry. From what I already saw, I'm in love with it already." You smile at him and he nods, "I'm glad."

His arm lays over your shoulder, resting under your chin. You close your eyes, feeling the vibrations move through his arm and before you know it.

You're done.

Jake leans back, "Well.." he wipes off your skin, "we're done."

"Already?" You smirk, "That didn't even take long."

He laughs as he helps you sit up, your hand in his and his other on the center of your back, "Take a look."

You glance down before sliding off the table. You walk over to the mirror and your jaw drops, "Oh my god."

"Go easy on me, I'm sensitive." He holds his hands up and laughs.

"No, Jake. This is .. this is beautiful." You turn back to look at it more, "By far my favorite tattoo."

"I'm glad you love it. I love it too." He sprays a paper towel and sits down, "I'm just going to wipe it off some more then take a picture if you don't mind?"

You turn to face him, "I don't mind." You smile as you step towards him, feeling that relief as he wipes over the completed tattoo. (A/n: if you ever had a tattoo, you know exactly what I'm talking about.)

He rests his hand on your hip as his eyes move over the tattoo, wiping it in different spots, "Beautiful."

You look down at him and he smirks, "That tattoo looks pretty good, too." He winks before turning to grab his phone.

Okay, so there's something there. You weren’t imagining it.

You take a deep breath, licking your lips as you turn to look at it in the mirror again, admiring his work.

"Alright." Jake says, "Ready when you are."

You turn back to him, standing up as straight as possible as he snaps a few pictures.

"Got them. I'll probably post it later if you're okay with that?" He looks up at you and you nod, "Whatever you want to do. I'm covered."

"I definitely wouldn't post them if you weren't." He chuckles and points, "Do you want me to take that tape off or did you want to do it at home?"

"You can take it off and I'll just wrap the shirt over and we can slap a new piece on if that'll work?" You motion to pulling the shirt over and he nods, "oh yeah, that will totally work. Do you want me to cover it?"

"Oh yes. Please." You nod and he gives you a thumbs up before turning around to grab some Saniderm. He holds up the piece, "I think that'll be good for the bottom, I'll cut a skinnier piece for the vine part."

You nod, letting him do whatever he needs to do.

He runs his hands over the clear covering and then moves to take the tape off, "If you wanted to grab this side, I'll go ahead and work at getting these pieces off."

"Okay." You hold the side against you as he peels each piece of tape off on the other side before you hold that side of the shirt against you.

You pull the shirt over, holding it there until he grabs a new piece, "Thank you again, for the shirt, for cutting your shirt, and for doing all of this."

"It's not a problem at all, y/n." He smiles as he rubs the piece of tape to stick to the fabric, "Thank you for allowing me to do this."

"Corey said you were good, I just wanted to see how good." You smile and step back. He smiles, "Well I appreciate your curiosity getting the best of you."

"Of course." You nod and go over to grab your jacket, slipping it on before grabbing your bag, "Do you want me to meet you out front then?"

He nods, "Yeah that'll be good."

"Okay." You walk out to the front and Corey looks up, "Well, I see you're alive. How was it?"

"Painful. But.. worth it." You laugh and rest your bag on the counter, "You have a good artist back there."

He tilts his head, "Good as in he does good work, or good as in you like him?" He smirks and you shrug, "Is it okay to say both?"

He chuckles and rolls his eyes, "I guess." His eyes move behind you as Jake walks out. He moves behind you and around to stand next to Corey.

You hand him the money the amount for the tattoo and he squints his eyes, "How much did you and Vienna agree on?"

"Three fifty." You say and Jake laughs, "I'll take two."

You sigh, "then I'm leaving you a big tip."

He chuckles and Corey looks between the two of you, "I have to go.. check on something.. I think." He laughs as he walks away, leaving you and Jake at the desk.

"I'm not leaving until you take it." You rest it down on the counter and Jake sighs, "You're persistent."

"I like to show my appreciation." You smirk and he picks up the cash, "Fine." He smirks and sets it down on the desk, "Are we looking at scheduling another?"

"Is that even a question?" You laugh and Jake sighs, "Yeah, a dumb question." He laughs and looks at his schedule, "When did you want to come back in? For the shoulder connecting piece, right?"

You nod, "Um, we can do like two, three weeks? That should give you enough time to draw it up for me."

"Okay." He bends down, clicking on the computer, "Does the twenty first sound good?"

"That's perfect." You smile and watch as he writes down the date on an appointment card. He hands it to you and right when he's about to say something else, the door opens and you both look over.

A guy walks in, smiling at both of you.

"Hey Matt, I'll be right with you." Jake nods to him and looks back at you. You sigh, "Thanks again, Jake. I really appreciate it."

"Anytime."

And with that, you leave the shop, mentally beating yourself up that you didn't ask him out.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

A few days later

The last few days have been painful and irritating as you can't really sleep comfortably yet.

So it's two am, you're wide awake, and your phone goes off.

Who could that be, you think as you sit up, leaning over to grab it.

Hey, y/n. It's Jake. I'm so sorry that it's so late but I cannot stop thinking about you.

Your mouth drops slightly as you feel an excited rush roll over your body. You smile, biting your lip as your thumbs quickly tap the screen, Hi Jake. I'm glad to see that we both feel the same way.

You clutch your phone, anxiously awaiting his response.

Okay, wow. This is embarrassing. I honestly didn't expect you to be awake, but then again I'm glad you are. I wanted to ask you out at the shop the other day but I was so fucking nervous.

You giggle slightly, happy that you finally got the message you were waiting for, or waiting for the courage to send.

You tap the screen biting down on your lip as you send the message, You're literally taking the words right out of my mouth. I was so nervous, too.

You see the bubbles pop up, disappear, and then pop up again before he finally sends his message, This might be a long shot, but what are you doing right now?

You look at your screen confused but you answer, I can't sleep so I'm just lying in bed wide awake.

He answers, almost instantly, Do you want to take a drive?

You answer instantly, Yes, please.

You send him your address and he responds, I'll be there in twenty, I'll text you when I'm there.

You kick the blankets off, hurrying over to grab a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt from your closet. You brush your hair, not worrying about anything else before you walk out to your living room to wait.

You were kind of nervous, but at the same time, you were so excited to see him.

Twenty minutes later, your phone lights up and it's a text from Jake, I'm parked out front in the Tesla.

You grab your bag, making sure you have your keys before walking out of the door. You walk down, smiling at his car as you walk towards it.

He smiles at you through the windshield, leaning across the consol to open the door for you.

"Thank you." You say as you get in and shut the door. You turn towards him as you buckle, giving him a quiet, "Hey."

"Hey." He smiles and looks away, "god why am I so nervous?" He laughs and looks back at you. You shrug, "I asked myself that, too. A few times on the way out here."

He smile and shakes his head, "I figured we could stop, get some snacks before we drive around?"

You nod, "That's good with me."

"Okay." He nods and starts driving, "So. I have to ask. Are the lines on your tattoo straight?"

"I think so." You look at him, "Why do you ask?"

"Because.." he laughs, "I had to force myself to not shake."

You laugh slightly, "Aw, Why were you shaking?" He looks over at you, "I started shaking the minute you turned around to look at me in the lobby."

"Well you did a good job at covering it up because I couldn't even tell you were." You smirk and he sighs, "Well that's a relief." He looks over at you, "Tattoo healing okay?"

You nod, "Oh yeah. I took the stuff off two days ago I think?" You look over at him, "Do you want to see it?"

"If you're okay with that." He nods, "I'd love to."

He pulls into the parking lot and you unbuckle, bunching up your sweatshirt to reveal the underboob part of the tattoo, "I love it."

He raises his eyebrows, "That looks so good."

You nod, "It's healing perfectly."

He smiles as he points to the building, "Shall we go get some car ride snacks?"

You nod, "Let's do it."

You get out, walking in with him. You stay close to him, mainly because you're just happy to be with him. You grab some snacks and a drink, making your way up and Jake takes you stuff from your arms to pay.

"You don't have to do that." You say and he looks back at you, "You got out of bed at two in the morning for me, it's the least I could do."

You roll your eyes with a smile and wait for him to grab the bag before you walk out. You get back in the car and Jake looks over at you, staring for a few seconds.

"What?" You ask shyly, "Is there something on my face?" You brush your face and Jake laughs, "No." he sighs, "You are just.. amazing."

He laughs nervously and you smile as you look down, "So are you."

He turns towards you , word vomit spilling out, "I definitely would have asked you out the day you were at the shop, but I didn't want to do it with Matt standing and.. and then I thought that I could wait until your next appointment with me, but I couldn't so I got your number from your client profile and I just.. had to see you sooner."

"I'm glad you did. I was beating myself up over not saying anything." You sigh, "Plus. You're worth getting out of bed at two in the morning for."

He smiles and shakes his head, "That.. is sweet. Thank you."

You laugh, "I'm just glad we feel the same."

"You had me when you first looked at me, but you really got me at I hate everyone." He laughs, "I'm just glad that it wasn't all in my head."

You shake your head, "Nope. It's not."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

As usual, let me know how you liked this. Thank you for reading! Love you all!

Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated 🖤

[amalthiaph]

I took an interest in The Bad Batch around the tailend of S2. It's not news to Tumblr that I almost slept on this show. And I cannot thank Caleb Dume enough for being the reason why I pressed the play button for this one. While I haven't been around for most of its active run, and I wish I had been, the last year has been among the best months of my life.

This show challenged my morals, and taught me lessons that I will forever take with me.

Tech taught me to embrace and take pride in who I am. I now think that I am not something that needs to be cured. I needed to be understood and accepted. He taught me that we deserved to be loved and be allowed to live the way we want to (as long as we are not causing harm to ourselves or to others).

Hunter taught me that at the end of the day, we're all still humans. We make mistakes. We fail. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And I should also take care of my hair bec I cannot accept that a man in a galactic war have better hair than me (Okay, did you honestly think I'm gonna be serious this entire essay?)

Crosshair taught me that at the end of the day, we really are still humans. Sometimes, we make choices that not everyone will understand or agree to. Sometimes, we don't even understand our own choices. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And that I should also go to therapy bec istg my hand shakes like hell I always need to rely on a pen stabilizer when doing my artworks.

Wrecker taught me that in this world where we can be anything, always choose to be kind. He is a great man who would always be there for everyone, and I hope that one day, I can be that person too. He is afraid of heights, but he climbs and go on high places anyway. Like him, I should also start conquering my fears. Dear Wrecker, I did try conquering my fear of heights last March 9 but I can't. I will try again.

Echo taught me to always fight for the greater good. Almost two years ago, me and a group of people campaigned for a great tomorrow. With pink flags and pink balloons, we worked on our little thing I like to call our rebellion. Sadly, we lost. At times, I am thinking of just giving up bec that's democracy and I cannot go against the people's decision, but characters like Echo and the rest of Rogue One taught me that nothing should ever stop me for fighting for the people's rights and that my love for my fellow citizens should always come first before hatred.

And lastly, Omega taught me to be curious, or more likely to not be ashamed for being curious. Learn about the world. Learn about lots of things. We never know when we need it. While I could say be good at strategy and win 30 grand on card games, nahhh, I'm not that smart.

I also learned to reevalutate myself as an artist. This show taught me integrity. I had ranted about this lately but these characters challenged me in terms of art. I knew that the creators aren't best at proper representation. While I could draw them as they are in the show, I choose to stand for what is right, and represent them as properly as my skills could. In the more technical side, I became good at drawing armors. And this little Actors AU Draw Series taught me to be responsible; I tried my very best to create and post them on time. This increased my productivity.

But enough about me.

There's something I realized two nights ago; we, the fandom, are Bad Batchers ourselves. We can consider ourselves a family, but not one of us is the same and we're all interesting, and capable in our own unique ways. We can have our own opinion and stand about something and still coexist. Like our favorite charactera, we embrace and celebrate our differences.

This show may end. No more Bad Batch Eves, no more cryptic tweets that cause us to hyperventilate, no more Bad Batch Wednesdays but it will live on, through us.

I know there will be a day where we decrease in number, one by one, little by little, but still, the show will live on through our actions, our opinions, our choices we make after May 1, 2024 because I know that all of us were changed in some ways by these characters and this show.

To the crew, your cryptic tweets caused me sleepless nights, but thank you so, so much. It is through your hardwork that we had this wonderful show. Thank you for making every second of the past year so worthwhile and enjoyable for me and for everyone.

However this show will end, whether happy or sad, I am glad it happened. However short my time was with them, I am happy I had been here. However short my time with everyone in the fandom was or if some of you leave one day, still, thank you so much for being part of my life; I am so happy I met all of you.

To Clone Force 99, thank you. I've never loved anything like this before. May the Force be with you.

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Faust with a Star who's an artist and asks him to pose for drawings (HCs/Short Story, whichever works for you!!)

Draw me like one of your French girls!

Bc of how cute this idea was I made it both <33

Loves being your model, doing poses you need with ease as you sketch it quickly

Honestly if you called him your muse he's giggling while telling you to stop (continue doing it he loves it so much)

If you need a specific pose he let's you move his body as you want it

Also 100% down changing outfits if you need to use them as a reference as well, he's basically Barbie with how many outfits he'll change in to

Makes silly jokes about the titanic how he's the Rose to your Jack.

When you finish the work he asks if he could post and brag about his awesome artist partner!

If you posted it already he's sharing it to all his social media platforms. Giggling as everyone complements how amazing it is

During streams he always talks about how you drew him again saying how loved he is by a artist.

"Like this?" Asking as he posed in front of Star. Looking at them with a soft smile, relaxing into the couch he lounged on. Faust's partner turned their head and smiled at the pose.

"Perfect! Your such an amazing poser! My muse!" Praising him, Star grabbed their pencil and started to sketch the base of how his body in on the couch. Preening Faust giggles hearing the nickname he loved so much.

"Is this for another commission?" Questioning, Faust watched as his artist's hand flys across the canvas. Quickly capturing how the pose is, he always loved seeing them work. It was like magic how they formed a blank surface into art.

"Yep! Red, is what he said to call him wanted an exact picture to that of Rose from the titanic. But it would be his partner." Mumbling Star's eyes shifted back and forth. From to canvas at their side to Faust posing in front of them so perfectly.

"Oh? Even naked? How scandalous~" Giggling as he wiggled his eye brows. Causing Star to snort at him, but then nodded as they recall the commission agreement.

"I know right? He got consent from his partner to send me a nude picture. Hopefully I do it justice!" Sighing out, Star remembered the first commission they did with a naked model. "I swear if I butcher it I'll quit art."

Faust pouted at that, but then remembered how distraught Star was when the commission was turned down. They tried redoing it multiple times but the commissioner just didn't like it. Huffing out Faust turned his head to them and spoke.

"Well if that person wasn't sooo picky! You wouldn't have felt bad. You redid it like....a thousand times! Honestly I wonder if they were just trolling you...." Mumbling out the last part, Faust saw Star shaking their head. Causing him to roll his eyes, Faust wishes they could see how their art was perfect and amazing.

"But still, I only need the pose then I can work from there. You wanna watch me work again? Might take longer than expected." Whispering as they focused on the canvas. Letting Faust think it over then sighing at them, shaking his head slightly.

"Can't there's this new game out I got sponsored for to play and I gotta do that before it'd deadline. Maybe when your done with this commission we can play together?" Asking hopefully, Star was on a break from gaming. To focus on finishing the few commissions they landed. Once again his partner shook their head, giving him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry muse, but I'll make it up by playing with you on Friday. I wanna focus on this commission. Don't worry I won't push myself that far." Giggling out the last bit. However Faust gave them a look, to be serious about the breaks and not pushing too far.

"I swear if you accidently don't eat for a day like last time and get sick. I'm killing you. With love of course." Smiling innocently as he batted his lashes. Star nodded at their partner, better to agree or it'll be a long conversation.

"Of course my muse, my moon, love of my life-" Babbling nicknames for him, Faust gave them another look to stop talking or they'll focus on praising him.

"Oops! Well, I'll sing your praises another day. Now, let me fix your pose real quick I think you moved a bit too much." Mumbling out as Star got up and tweaked with the pose a bit.

[reginalusus]

Hey girl, can we have some Duela (aka the "Joker's" daughter) and Jason's bond in ur au pretty please? (Harvey would totally be like: "my daughter Duela and her brother Jason (Bruce don't let me adopt him.)")

I hope another writing drabble is ok because I'm kind of arted out at the moment. </3 (Might be working on a larger drawing and I don't wanna doodle myself out before I get to it). But anyway!

---

Jason stood, arms tight against himself, as Duela trailed on about her rather enthralling time with some group of people. She wasn't name-dropping anything anytime soon. A lot of words, but no names. At least she was jovial about it, Jason thought.

He just wished Harvey wasn't being so plucky about the Subway order. It didn't need to be a in a fucking perfect half, and he was holding up the rather terrified queue.

So here he was, standing in the corner of the place with Duela jabbering in his ear about whatever it was she was talking about. He didn't mind jabberers, people who talked a lot. Maybe she was nervous. Jason was certainly nervous; he knew tidbits of her past. He knew of a certain alias she had. He analysed her face, looking for any familiarity. Thankfully, he didn't see any. Yet. Duela looked like any other girl embracing a phase. Piercings too. A nice touch.

"Where do you get your piercings done?" Jason interjected.

Duela smiled. "Oh. Claire's."

Jason glared at her, blank. Duela glared at him, blank. The queue was not getting any smaller. Oh, God, get smaller.

"I was joking by the way," Duela said, leaning over to view Jason's thinned lips and averted eyes.

Ah, yes. Because Jason liked jokes. She seemed to feel bad though; her bright smile faded and she shouldered the wall, gazing at her phone now. It felt strange not having her gossip pierce the air, as had been for the past ten minutes or so. It was better than listening to Harvey try and guide the sandwich artist's knife placement like a claw-machine.

"He's a case, isn't he?" Duela asked, watching Harvey.

Jason scoffed. "Yeah, a fucking nutcase."

"He tries though."

"That he does."

"Hey, dad?" Duela called to Harvey, prompting him to look over. "We need to go soon because I'm pretty sure someone's called the cops."

"No, they haven't," Harvey growled as the cashier wiped sweat from their brow. "I didn't hear none of these morons talkin'."

"I saw them. They held the phone up and the police instantly know your voice. Also," - Duela pointed to a wanted poster directly beside her - "So yeah, dad!"

"Can't have shit in Gotham."

Dad. It was weird hearing Harvey be called that. But Duela said it so casually, just like any other normal teen talking to their normal dad in their normal life. Jason hadn't quite got there - he probably never would.

Harvey shoved through the crowd, looming over most of them, his Subway bags in tow. He exited the shop, almost breaking the door off its hinges from his barging shoulder, and that was the signal to chase after him.

"You really know how to get him to, like... listen," Jason mumbled as he left with Duela.

Duela smirked. "Dad is the keyword. I didn't use to call him that often. You know... father-daughter arguments and all that. But it softens him up a little."

"I see."

Jason still wasn't calling him that, however. He could barely call Bruce that. It was nice that Duela could though.

They caught up with Harvey as they made trek to the car. Jason was used to the wide eyes of passers whenever he and Harvey would pit-stop at a 7-11 or a McDonald's drive-thru when coming back from a job. Yes, they all looked odd. Duela was, somehow, perhaps the most normal looking out them all, despite her loud hair and copious piercings and brightly polished nails.

"Dad, can we stop at Claire's to get Jason new piercings?" Duela asked with a grin as she sat in passenger.

"Fine," Harvey sighed.

Jason clambered into the back. "Dent, can we stop at Walmart so I can get new slipper socks?"

"No."

"What?" Jason spat, his voice higher than usual. "Why not?"

"We're tired."

"We'Re TIreD."

Duela eyed Jason in the car door mirror. She raised her brow and nodded her head to the side, gesturing him to try the Word. Jason folded his arms. He wasn't trying the damn Word. The Word was caught in his throat like a lump of cement, and it only hardened more and more over time.

"Fine," Duela sighed. "I'll teach different ways to soften him up when we get back. But only if you let me borrow your Green Day CD."

Jason frowned at her in the mirror. "Deal. Just don't fucking drop it or I'll drop you."

They shared a chuckle, even more so at a bemused Harvey who questioned what the hell they were talking about. Jason wasn't fond of sharing that CD of his, not yet, but sharing a laugh together was fine enough.

[yuseirra]

Hello~ I have something to say because there's been something that's been on my mind, leaving me very depressed and concerned for the past couple months. I've been trying my best to be cheerful and uplifting but it's hurting me so much I just can't stand it...I have to be true to myself and let it all out, I feel like a stone's being pushed onto my chest, and I won't feel better without addressing it somewhere, so please pardon me, okay?

I'd been drawing a lot of project moon's fanworks earlier, remember how there's been an incident regarding limbus company and the artist being fired and whatnot? and then there's this stuff going about how fingers are drawn in maplestory, I have no idea about the details but something happened in arknights?? too? I don't play that game but still, well I'd been seeing a lot of these stuff happen for the past couple of months and since I come from a country where that's directly being taken place, I saw a lot of it happen firsthand except for some recent ones, it made me to go terminate my twitter which I had for a decade (I think I had it since 2013 or 2014. not that it matters now anyway, but I miss my friends I had there so much.)

I'm really hurt. It pains me so much to see people dig up a tweet someone's made several years ago using some kind of data crawler or archive and decide to get the mass to bring down a person over it, a person has many sides, how can you determine how exactly someone's feeling about something? and how can it lead to things like death threats, how can people be so eager to make someone "pay", I understand that people can be frustrated over some things, but where's the limit of these things? I felt so threatened and scared and upset, nothing bad's happened to me in person. All I've experienced is kindness and I am very grateful about it, but I can't say I'm not affected. Seeing a lot of things going around secondhand's been enough to put me through a lot of stress.

Some of my videos regarding projmoon's works had been very popular, you may have seen them if you're in the fandom! I used to be very proud of it. Now I'm upset and scared and I am pained, why can't I be as proud of them as I used to be, I put all my love into it back then. It's a terrible feeling. I have mixed feelings about having it up on my channel.. there's a part of me who love my works a lot.. and is happy about it having been able to give a lot of people joy. People have been enjoying it, and they've all been so kind about it. And then there's another part of me wishing I never made it in the first place because it really hurts and I'm reminded of these incidents whenever I see them. Which is such a pity, since I did a really great job with those. I'm still getting new comments with people telling me they are so impressed and all I could think about now is the.. all the, I don't know what to call all that..,

I'm scared that people might come after me and accuse of me being someone I am not, try to dig up my old tweets and find me problematic for doing something unfavorable for the fandom(not that I've said or done anything harmful in the past, I'm sure of that..I've ALWAYS tried my best to spread love when I could. I am confident about that.) maybe I'm being full of myself. Maybe people don't care about me or my works as much and I'll be okay but I have no idea how things will play out. I've been holding out till now, no one can say I didn't try..the fact that I've been keeping my works up there, I've been trying very hard to be strong in my own way (but at the same time I also felt like a coward for remaining in the status quo)

earlier I saw yt recommending me that library of ruina is getting a switch edition and I get reminded of all these stuff, I can't bear it. It hurts me so much. I've been holding this all in by myself since last july, maybe I'll have to take the videos down to make me feel better, but I'm not sure if I'll be safe that way. I deleted my twitter and now it comes to this, I won't delete my tumblr though. I love my experience as yuseirra and I'm happy for all I've received. I wish I could continue feeling that way, I want to believe in people, I want to care for them, and I don't want to think people will try to come after me and hurt me over the choices I make. So let me be strong, whatever I do, I'll do my best to be that way.

Thank you very much!! Lots of love!!

[lynaferns]

I needed to take something out of my chest and I got into a rant of basically me complaining about the (DCA) fandom and shippings. It got long so I'm putting a cut.

If you don't want to read it you don't have to.

Edit: I wanted to clarify, I'm not throwing crap at anyone for liking shipping, there is nothing wrong with the ships. I'm just taking my frustration out to the air because good platonic/friendship content is hard to find. The problem is mine, not yours.

Edit 2: This post is VERY outdated and I don't belive in half of what I said here anymore (the bottom half), I grew out it and I'm doing better now, I think. Also guess what? turns out I may be very aroce so that explains the other half of the post lol.

Since I rebloged that post about being tired of shipping in the fandoms my feed (<-idk if it's called that) has filled up with more posts about it that I relate to but feel bad rebloging because I don't want to call out any of you.

But I'm at a point that it has gotten SO tiresome, shipping is the only thing I find when I go in the Sun and Moons tags. "If you don't want to see that you can filter the tags-" <-that would be great, that would work if it wasn't because 1-there are like 20 different tags for the same thing and I'm constantly adding new ones to the filter 2-not everybody tags correctly/at all their post, I've seen people post their ship art and not tag it as ship, that is going to slip through the filter.

And all the shipping is about romantic/suggestive, they either want to kiss them or something more intimate. Where are the platonic relationships? And I mean friendship relationship, sex/romantic repulsed even. I tried to make one myself, even if I put tags of 'no ship' people still tags it as 'character x selfinser/yn' ship, why? What in the post/drawing/comic/AU made you think this was romantic? That makes me question more things like, why holding hands has to be romantic? Why sleeping in the same bed because there is only one has to be romantic? Why does the minimum of fisical contact a character has with other has to mean is romantic? Why why why? Even if the characters are truly in love/already dating, I don't get it, I don't get why that's the norm, why any of it automatically means 'romantic'.

There is really no solution to this unless I leave the fandom or stop searching content.

I wish I was into that stuff so I could appreciate it, but I'm not and it's no ones fault. I know those people are just doing their thing and having fun, AND it looks fun! I've seen a lot of cool artists around but I can't follow them because I risk having to see everyday the stuff they draw or reblog that makes me uncomfortable. It sucks. I can't make any friends here or anywhere because of this barrier (other than anxiety/personal difficulties and stuff).

And it doesn't stop there. Since the beginning I had the feeling that the DCA fandom likes a totally different character from the one I like. When I search fanart/comics/AUs Sun doesn't feel like Sun, Moon doesn't feel like Moon and every interpretation of fanon Eclipse I had encountered is some kind of mastermind, manipulative and as a plus, predatory, in a bad way.

I'm not good at writing, I know it's hard, I know not every one will share the same perspective I have of the characters, there is not much info about them anyways. But sometimes it feels like people throws out of the window the few details we have about them that makes the Daycare Attendant THE Daycare Attendant to make a completely different character with the same shell. Or they believe as canon something that the fandom made up because everybody collectively believed a rumor even though there's no official information or confirmation.

If the canon Sun and Moon were the same as fanon I would have never liked them.

I'm sure this is a thing in every fandom and I'm probably just pointing out something that everybody knows but this is the first fandom that I got into so this whole year and a half has been a new experience.

Even though all of this I'm still going to draw them, I'll still make fanarts because I like this character.

I've been feeling burned out lately so I don't know how regularly I'm going to draw them or post about them but the brainrot is staying one more year.

[einsatzzz]

Ein's Art Log #1

@lixenn!! Here's the timelapse I recorded for my rarepair week submission! I'm just gonna start this log series because I wanna study art more and take notes of it here in this blog. And maybe it will help people with their drawings? I'm putting my notes below ↓↓↓

Draft & Lineart

First, for this art, I used a base made by Ging (깅). Using bases like these are always useful for a lot of things and it also forces me to draw things (like poses, hands, etc) I wouldn't normally draw by myself (if its up to just my hand with zero braincell input, I would just draw the characters facing 3/4 to the left over and over). Also a lot of them are just so *chef kiss*, god bless Korean artists. They're so good, especially with how they do the figures and anatomy!

I just adjusted the base a bit to match the characters' heights, since Kurumi is taller than Chrome by like 6cm.

Then when making the drawing a draft layer over the base, I usually use bright colors like green, red or blue (most often green). I usually don't think about the draft too much even if it turns out ugly, I think it's actually better that it turns out ugly and messy.

Otherwise, if the draft looks slightly more decent than expected, then I'd become too lazy to draw a more proper lineart. Whenever I remember to do so, I also use a gray-colored background so it's easier on my eyes, especially since I drew this after work.

For the "lineart", I used a brush called 촉펜 (MTL says it's "Touch Pen" in English; Content ID: 2050169). I recently started using this for doodles/sketches, it feels nice. It was free when I downloaded it, but it costs 10 Clippy now.

Anyway, I used a little bit more braincells for the "lineart" now after the draft, but then I didn't really try that hard to make it look clean, since I'm rushing to finish it as fast as I can. I just made sure that the outside lines are connected just enough for easier selection & coloring later.

Coloring & Shading

The coloring is where my experiment actually started! I usually go ahead and color them one-by-one per each color and part, but to be quicker, I used the Magic Wand selection tool to select the area outside the background, then inverting it so now the selection is at the characters *except* the background.

I then used the the bucket tool to fill the selection with the color I use as the base skin color. I still keep the selection there for further coloring purposes.

Just from here, I added another layer on top for the shading of the skin! For the shading, I used a brush called Yuri Watercolor (Content ID: 1889385). This one's really a paid brush, but I liked it a lot so I got it hahaha.

I do plan on replicating on doing this on IbisPaint one of these days! My plan so far is to use the free watercolor brush there, lower the brush opacity to around 60-70% and then draw the shading on a clipping layer set to the Multiply layer effect.

After shading, it looks like this now! I didn't mind the colors bleeding through the non-skin parts (except for two parts: the neck shading that would bleed to the face and thigh shading that would bleed to the skirt). I also used this brush to color Chrome's eye. Huhu I can't remember how I did it, helpskjfbjsbf

Then for the coloring of the hair and clothes, I just used the soft airbrush! I tried using the Yuri Watercolor brush for it too, but I couldn't quite grasp it yet on how to use it for coloring/shading those parts. I guess I know what to study next hahaha

When coloring the hair (and clothes), I did color the middle parts but didn't really full-on color till the edges to make that fading effect at the edge.

For the shading, I added clipping layers above and used the watercolor brush again!

For the hair highlights, I used the soft airbrush again. I just used a white color on a Soft Light layer effect to add a faint highlight on their hair (showed on picture on the left). Afterwards, I added another layer above with the Add/Glow effect and turned down the opacity to around 50%, to put more shine to it (showed on picture on the right).

Additionally, I also added a paper texture layer at the bottom! I also grouped up all the lineart and color layers into one folder and set the layer effect to Linear Burn.

Finally, after a bit color corrections/adjustments, blur filters (post-processing stuff, maybe for a different post?) and adding some decorations, the drawing is finally done! KuruKuro my beloved 💖

That's the process I'm playing around with so far, but I think I can still improve on it. I'm also planning on making a page on my wiki to compile my resources, references and such (maybe some free to use assets too). But anyway, that's all for now!

[fr-wiwiw]

A small heavy thought

just been up in my head again. currently taking things slower bcs i've tried a muay thai class once, i liked it but i hate the warm up cardio lol. my body is sore, tore the skin on a knuckle abit but i had fun. life is.. well, it's better and not actually. better as in i'm mentally getting better, accepting life the way it is bit by bit does helps. at the same time kinda dreading the thought of certain things that i'm not sure is within my control or not. hope is one of a good factor to keep me stay afloat but sometimes i wonder the things that i prayed and worked for will not be a reality. my life will be stay like this for the longest time and i'll give up hoping. there's a tiny voice in me that keeps saying "you'll get there, the things you're praying for and envisioned and manifest will be there"- i know it will, but i can't lie nowadays doubt seems easy to creep in. i know a lot of people feel this too. perhaps this is a normal thought in your late 20s or perhaps it's just me as always being an overthinker (what a blessing and a curse for artist). but i keep trying to hold onto this tiny voice and to my creator to always keep the faith bcs the things and people i have right now are the very thing i prayed and manifest for <3 be it irl or online the one thing i don't like and i have to bear for now is that i seem to cannot allow myself to indulge in things i used to do. even the simplest thing like drawing Gahan for my brainrot or just draw a fucking horse / any animal i love. i realized i've been sabotaging myself by doing this so i'm currently learning how to incorporate the simple or small subject into my drawings while i sharpen my artskills. i'm not the fastest at drawing like those people who can follow art trends in a seemingly a snap of a finger, it's hard for me to accept that i'm just like one of my favorite animal, a turtle. also i find that i'm getting more closed off to share about my feelings with people irl the more i get older, seeing as people are.. well, you know how human can get. it's rare to found someone who are willing to listen and understand, i just don't want to deal with anymore bs and fortunately there's things called boundaries. well.. i'm trying my best, i know i can and will be better but it's frustrating when people (including myself) compare one pace to another. in the end i just duck my head and keep on focusing on me. hoping there will be good changes again and a better life than this but for now.. it is what it is. i'm rambling now hahah i seem to always ramble here, guess tumblr is my safe space now lol thanks to those who read till the end anyway ^^ hope we all have a good / better life ahead

[golden--doodler]

This sounds a bit sad, but I'm someone who used to have absolutely zero faith in my artistic abilities. I've been writing my entire life, and haven't had too many self-confidence issues with that (well, I've gotten down on myself about my writing before, but I've gotten a lot better about that). I've always known I have the ability to write, as I've been doing it almost my entire life.

But drawing was a different story. I used to always tell myself "Ha! I just need to stick to writing. I'll never be able to draw. Are you kidding? Look at all of these talented artists. And look at these gorgeous realistic anatomy they can do!! I'll never be able to do that. I have no artistic ability whatsoever. It's just not my thing."

That was really my first mistake, comparing myself to other artists, and judging my ability to draw before I even tried. But another thing that really lowered my confidence in my artistic abilities was this one moment in my English class my Sophomore year of high school. We had this assignment to make a short comic based on the story The Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allen Poe. I'm sure everyone knows that story. I did mine, and forgot to sign it at first, and my teacher saw. He was always a harsh grader, but he held up my paper, not knowing it was mine, and called it Kindergarten work. In front of the entire class. Needless to say, I was mortified. I immediately redid the assignment, losing almost all of my faith in my own artistic abilities.

But something changed when the Pandemic hit. I got an iPad, which made digital drawing so much easier and more fun. And I just had a lot of time on my hands because of lockdowns. And I thought to myself: Huh. Well, maybe I don't have to draw realistically. Maybe I can practice my drawing skills more by drawing more cartoony art.

And that's exactly what I did. And now I'm proud to say I'm actually confident in my art now!! I sort of have my own style now, which has definitely evolved over the years. I guess that's just what can happen when you practice and try to push aside the self-doubt festering in the back of your mind. It wasn't always easy, but I kept trying to encourage myself instead of just putting myself down.

Now I can proudly say that I've gotten paid for my art, and my clients were all thrilled with the results so far. And I can't wait to keep drawing for people and making them happy. I think I've definitely come a long way from so-called "Kindergarten work".

[steeklover]

You guys sleep on their friendship too much 😔

Time-laspe (I tried to download the video and attach it to this post but I think it was too big and my computer is tired because it won't download. That is the link, you can watch it if you'd like too, I know I like to watch art time-laspes. It is around fifteen minutes though, I didn't know how to make it any faster so there's your warning)

(Okay so I'm just now realizing that the part of the video where I used actually colors got cut off 😐And I can't even fix it because I've already deleted the clip off my computer and emptied my recycle bin. I'm so upset now, I'm sorry 😭😭I'm not a tech savy person at all)

You don't have to read this if you don't want to, it's more of an artist's note to myself. If you want to know more of my thought process while doing this then you can read it though.

First, I just want to give credit to the base I used!

Second, I used Krita to draw and Canva to put the video together. I've never really used another drawing app/software thing before (I've used Procreate a few times on my sister's IPad but it's not like I'm going to draw anything South Park on there) so I don't really have anything to compare it too. It's free though so... how much better can you get. The only thing I don't like about it so far is that the fill tool kind of sucks but it's not too bad, you just have to go over the edges to get a solid color (at least from my experience). And I've been using Canva for a while now, I've put together a few videos before but not in a while so I was a little rusty. The only thing I don't like about that is that I have to pay for an upgrade if I want to download a long video.

I started trying to draw seriously in April and now it's July so it's been like two months (?). I haven't posted anything since May I think but I've still been drawing a lot, I just haven't finished anything worth posting up until today.

I started out drawing this thinking it was going to be bad. Then about halfway through I thought it might actually turn out alright. Then I finished it and I kind of hate it. I think it would be much better if I practiced shading and textures but I'm too lazy for that, at least for now.

I hardly know anything about art, whether it be digital or traditional. I don't know anatomy, color theory, perspective, none of it. You can see on the time-lapse that I basically traced the base I used, did the faces and clothes and then colored it and that took me ALL DAY! Granted I had breaks like when I made my lunch and ran over to my grandma's house but other than that, I've been working on this piece (along with Stan but I did most of Stan yesterday, I just colored him this morning).

I have mad respect for every single artist out there because this is so hard... but for some reason I want to keep doing it. I know it's going to be super satisfying to look back on my art work from two years ago and see how much I've improved (hopefully I've improved, please tell me I'll improved)

As you can probably tell, I didn't get everything in the time-laspe. Recording the process was so hard, I tried to do it with Stan yesterday but I barely knew what I was doing and I kept getting called by my mom to do stuff so I had to keep pausing and un-pausing so I gave up and tried again today. I think my computer is worn out by working all day because not only have I been drawing on it all day but I have also been editing the video all day. I really like when artists post time-laspes though because it gives me an idea of their process and it's really nice to watch.

But anyway, I ended up giving Jason eyeliner because one) he's metro, two) I headcanon him wearing eyeliner (same thing with Tweek) and three) he needed a little something MORE to him, if that makes sense. I orginally wasn't going to give him eyeliner because I was afraid he would look too much like Tweek but once the picture was done, I decided they wouldn't look too similar. I also gave Tweek and Jason both freckles because for Jason, it's canon and for Tweek, it's my headcanon for him. You probably can't tell that Tweek has freckles because I made them really faint (on purpose) and I like to think he'd only have a few on his cheeks and nose. I gave Jason a lot though because I'm pretty sure that's how it is in the show. Lastly I forgot to color Jason's shirt in so that's everything that's not on the video.

I think the hardest thing for me was the eyes and the clothes. I have a love-hate relationship drawing eyes. I love looking at how different people draw their eyes but when it comes to drawing my own eyes... yikes 😬Also I think it's the facial proportions that might make this seem off, I think I have a bad habit of making the eyes too big but that's what I've been doing ever since I was a little kid so now if I make the eyes small, it just looks off. And again, I didn't do anything shading so it probably makes the picture look flat. Plus I have no idea what I'm doing.

I also usually have a hard time drawing hair but today I had a pretty easy time doing it. I was really surprised. Also another headcanon of mine for Tweek is that he has platinum blonde hair. I love platinum blonde hair and just blonde hair in general and his hair is SO YELLOW, I feel like if he was older than he'd dye it. Also they are both teens in this picture.

Tweek looks really pasty here, I tried to give him pale skin but I didn't mean for it to be THAT pale.

I think that's all I have to say. If you read this and have any tips for me, I'd love to hear them. I'd love to redraw this in a few months or maybe in a year if I decide to keep drawing, I know there's defiently room for improvement.

Despite all the complaining I just did, I don't HATE this picture per say. I really like my art style, it's simple but cute (imo of course). I feel like if I learned more about shading and learn how to draw faces and clothes better than I'd do a lot better. I think Stan was a lot cuter but this is cute too.

Lastly, ignore the two random dots if you find them, I'm too tired to fix this.

Anyway, if you read all of this, I really appreciate you! Have a great day/night! ❤️❤️

[rottinghouseplants]

In the quiet town of Newcrest, Iris is a talented young tattoo artist that has spent her entire life putting others' needs before her own, caught in a relentless cycle of people-pleasing. But when she finally decides to break free from her past and embark on an exhilarating new journey in the bustling metropolis of San Myshuno, her life takes an unexpected and thrilling twist. Surrounded by a mischievous and enigmatic crowd who challenge her every notion of right and wrong, Iris discovers a side of herself she never knew existed. Will she succumb to the allure of her newfound freedom, transforming into the captivating villain she tried so hard to protect others from her whole life?

Trigger Warning: mentions of depression, and parental drug use, and other heavy topics

Made For Mercy: Prologue: Suburban Hellscape

I have uncovered a sinister truth, one that many people overlook, or their souls forget in time. The real monsters aren't lurking in the shadows, or under your bed. They don't have razor sharp teeth or claws that could tear through you. They lurk in plain sight. You pass them on the street everyday, oblivious to the danger around you. The real monsters aren't the ones in bedtime stories and folklore, they are those that smile in your face while they twist the dagger that lies buried deep in your back. Their presence is so pervasive it can almost be felt, like a cold chill that slowly creeps into your veins. Their malicious intent lingers in the air, and they leave behind a trail of broken promises and shattered dreams. They are the true monsters, hidden in plain sight.

I could feel the warmth of the daylight pouring through the blinds, beckoning the alarm bells from my bedside table. I remember a time where this was easier, getting out of bed in the morning didn't feel like such a chore. I longed for the time when my reality felt better than my dreams. These days, I'm not sure if I've been stuck in one of those nightmares for years. My eyelids were heavier than even the day before, but I had to push through. That's what adults do, right...?

The only thing guaranteed is that I have to work in order to pay to survive, but that feels so hopeless. Another day in paradise, seems like such a joke now. I knew that I had to keep going, even though I wanted to give up. My mental health was unravelling and I was becoming more exhausted with each day, but I couldn't stop. I felt like I was trapped in a cycle of having to do something I didn't want to do, just to be able to survive. I had no other choice - I had to keep pushing, even if I didn't think I had the strength to do it. I felt like I was betraying myself and my principles, but I had no other option. After all, who would take care of the cat?

I rolled over and grabbed my cellphone off the bedside table, silencing the alarm. I let out an audible sigh, three unread texts from my mother, if you can even call her that anymore.

I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

I'm your mother. Please call me back.

I promise I'll go to AA. I'll get clean, I promise. I love you. I know you're tired of me apologizing.

I tossed my cellphone to the floor, I feel a pang in my chest. I can't count the amount of times I've opened those same messages, and I didn't have the heart to engage in it anymore. There's something about losing your parent to drugs and booze, that tears you in half. I don't recognize her anymore. I push the hair out of my face, and get out of bed, struggling with the internal battle within my mind. On one hand, I want to forgive her and be her emotional support, but on the other, the endless cycle of promises and apologies has left me feeling jaded and broken. I look down to see Pixel holding a ball of yarn in his mouth, staring at me.

"Hey buddy, do you want to go outside for a little bit?"

He turns and trots off towards the door, yarn ball in tow. I trail behind him, grabbing my cigarettes and lighter off my drawing desk. I pause for a moment, my hand hovering over the lighter. Am I really any better than her or dad? I know that I should quit smoking but I also know that the nicotine will help sooth my frayed nerves. I sigh heavily, feeling the inner conflict between doing what I know is right and giving in to vice. I reluctantly light the cigarette and step outside onto the back porch.

My mom used to say something to me when the depression got bad, and it has lived in my brain rent free for years. I hear her say it every time things get bad again. She really loved Alice in Wonderland growing up.

Don't go down the rabbit hole again.

I can't go back there. Never again.

But I can feel the darkness creeping in, the despair and anguish threatening to take over my soul. I know I can't ignore it forever. I'm so scared, so scared of what I could do, what I could become. I'm scared of the person I'll transform into if I let it consume me.

I look around and see the void my mom has left. Everyone always talks about forgiving the addict because you have to hate the addiction, not the addict. But no one ever talks about how the children of addicts have to cope with the feeling of being torn in half. Spending your whole life, feeling like you have to downplay your accomplishments and small victories, because you don't want to take the focus of their healing. Feeling like you can never share the things that bring you joy, because they can't focus in active addiction. It's hard to navigate those feelings, it's hard to heal from that, but god damn it, you have to try.

I looked down at Pixel, rolling around the porch with his yarn ball. I took a deep drag of my cigarette and smiled. I don't know who I'm trying to convince, the world around me or myself. I decided about two weeks ago that I'm going to move to San Myshuno. Call me a quitter or a runner if you want, but I need to get out of this place. I can't let the darkness take over me, I can't let it win. Pixel and I deserve a new beginning. I have to rewrite this story, no matter how hard it is.

[elektroyu]

Ich habe 170 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

96 Einträge erstellt (56%)

74 Einträge gerebloggt (44%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@elektroyu

@eskiworks

@sky-yote

@dennydraws

@windupsanson

Ich habe 165 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

Nur 3% meiner Einträge hatten keine Tags

#reblog – 57 Einträge

#random stuff – 53 Einträge

#digital – 27 Einträge

#pet portrait – 20 Einträge

#wip – 17 Einträge

#artist resources – 10 Einträge

#beautiful – 9 Einträge

#writing – 8 Einträge

#sketch – 7 Einträge

#cat – 7 Einträge

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i seriously can't comprehend why*any*one would ever choose the incomprehensible mess that the back office is now over what they had before

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

A little sketch for @wyrd66 for her birthday yesterday! It's inspired by this sketch of a Pilasira lady, which when I saw it back then made me think of her turning her head and looking straight on at the viewer. I gave her a smile because of the happy occasion. :) Paski heads are so difficult to draw, though (especially in weird angles, and as usual I'm making life miserable for myself by chosing weird angles haha), maybe I need to do some more sketching to get a better feel for them ^^; Anyway, I reeeeaaaaally wanted to draw something for your this year and of course it had to be a Paski. :) So again, happy (belated) birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day yesterday! <3

23 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 11. September 2022

#4

Played around with it some more over the weekend and arrived at this in the end. I'll try at least one other thing with this (probably not going to upload tho), but I'm calling this finished now. For real this time 😛 And it does print nicely! Even with my old photo printer, so it should work fine.

Interesting was how much of an impact those little sparkles have, although I really tried to keep them as subtle as I can.

32 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 5. September 2022

#3

Quick post before lunch! The Sammy and Bats piece is finished!!

59 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 4. Dezember 2022

#2

(whispers to self)

maybe writing dumb shit that doesn't make sense but is good for my lonely little heart is actually a great idea? nobody except for myself needs to read it and it's still a productive way to spend my time even though nobody else gets to read it. it doesn't need to have a proper plot, it doesn't need to have proper worldbuilding, not even proper characters or character development. it only needs to feel good!

(end of whisper to self)

61 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 14. Juni 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Finished Bats! Which makes this thing a little less than halfway done if I stick to my original plan. :)

90 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 30. März 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[sillyinternetgf]

Letters to my inner child: A Plea (2023)

Does anyone know that I love the sound of birds tweeting in the morning? Or the crisp, early spring air? Does anyone know that I am drawn to water? the way it calls to me. Does anyone know that I sleep with the blankets muffling sounds to not awake my hyper vigilant self? I can tell the difference between everyone's footsteps, that I can walk into a room with no sound and I can feel the presence of others? I can feel their energy. Does anyone know that I like my pancakes soggy? Does anyone know I wanted to be an artist when I grew up? I'd spent countless hours perfecting my drawings.

When did I grow up?

Does anyone know that I love the feeling of being held? Arms holding me tight. Never letting me go.Does anyone know that my favorite flowers are crysanthemums and amaryllis? The prettiest of flowers. Does anyone know that I lost all my baby teeth by the time I was 8? I pulled the last one out myself.Does anyone know that i love tigers blood and cream snow cones? My mom and I would get one every week in the summer at the corner store near our house. Does anyone know that I wore my socks inside out until I was 11 because the seams would bother me?

Does anyone even know the real me? Who is the real me? Is she gone? Did I lose her? Is she still within me?

I miss her. Please come back.I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't even know if any of these things are true. I feel guilty for losing her. I let her be beaten down until there was nothing left. I tried to lock her away inside but I let them inside of me and they beat her into a further impenetrable box.

I don't have the key to it. I don't even know if there is a keyhole. Does she have a window? Can she see the life I live now? Is she even alive in there? I'm sorry I left you alone. I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I try so hard to reconnect with you. I watch our favorite childhood movies. I play our favorite childhood games. I think up all of the good memories of childhood. But does she remember them? Did she lose her innocence too quickly? Did she forget too? Is she lost?

Please come back. I won't let anyone hurt you again. I'll take care of you this time. You won't have to grow up like that. I'll fuel you with all the love I should have. I'm sorry I was too concerned with outside forces to take the time to learn to love you. Maybe you'd be here today.

If you're inside me somewhere, I just want you to know that I love you. I may not love who I am today. But I love YOU. I'm sorry I ruined our life. I hurt your body. I hurt your soul. I was one of the ones who locked you into that mind place box you're in now. I just wish I could know if you're happy in there. Are you happy? Did you get locked away and protected before everything happened? Were your eyes shielded at least?

I know you had so many dreams. So many aspirations. You were talented and bright. Your future would have been so successful. You'd be happy right now if I didn't ruin it for you. You'd have so many friends. You were destined to do great things. I'm so so sorry I couldn't help you. If you were shielded before everything bad happened, then I am elated. I wouldn't want you to be in this pain. I'm glad I saved you from a life of misery. I know you are living in a small bubble, but maybe it is for the best. The world is ruthless and cruel. You deserved better. I would take the abuse again if it meant you could be okay in there. Wherever you are. I love you. Please come back. I will keep you safe this time. I won't hurt you. I will show you what life is meant to be like. Are you in there? I can't let you out myself. Please. Come back to me when you are ready. I miss you. I miss who we used to be. I don't know who I am anymore without you.

[mayspicer]

I'm bitter and sad and salty about my art and social media capabilities. Depressed vague posting ahead.

First, I don't really mean anyone I know better than a recurring name on the internet or something. I'm vagueposting about the general public and I really appreciate the engagement I do get. I also understand that random spam and sketches are not really reblog worthy, I wouldn't reblog most doodles either.

Anyway, nothing better than having over 330 followers on my art blog, posting stuff that I'm proud of/excited about and getting the same amount of notes that random sketches get (less than 10 and that includes multiple self reblogs). Super nice posting on art servers and getting like 3 reactions while all art before and after my post (and similar in skill level) gets numerous reacts. Super great when artists vocal about the importance of reblogging leave a like if I'm lucky.

I love all of this, especially in times like these, where I'm without a job for a year now, applying for art and animation positions and getting rejected over and over again. Despite working in animation before, just for some shitty games. It's great hearing my whole life that I should pursue art because I'm soooo talented. Fucking sure, I actually believed that for a moment. That I could have a career in art because I'm pretty good at it. Apparently I'm delusional and wasted everything.

I create mostly for myself, my enjoyment, my characters. But I need people to see what I do, to say SOMETHING. I'm desperately grasping any straws I get. I spam our pathfinder discord because I can't live without showing people what I make. But showing to the void isn't enough. A heart emoji under a post means only that they like that their friend is drawing (especially something that they take part in. I would be happy if I saw a stickman drawing of anyone's character from our games). But when it comes to offering any help which would require actually vouching for my skill, there is noone. When I put hours, days into art, featuring even someone's characters, I have to ask for opinion to hear ANYTHING.

I hate that networking means everything and nothing I can do, none of my skills matter when it comes to getting a job, when it comes to stupid numbers on my posts. I barely can keep up with my closest people, and even these I regularly lose because of stunted social battery. Art contests during my animation studies were actually popularity contests. Life is a popularity contest and none of the other qualities mean anything if you don't know how to be social because you are neurologically different. I grew up believing that what I do matters, who I am matters. That being myself and doing what I love can speak for me. Turns out I'm just alone.

I don't know what's wrong with me. My art made in middle school was insanely more popular. My early art that I posted on Tumblr did better. My friends are saying the nicest things about memes I redraw in 2 minutes.

Am I actually stupid trying that hard to get a job in my fields? I don't know how to do anything else... I'll be 30 years old in October. I know people (close-ish, we regularly talk) who are my age or younger who are heads of like character design departments. Of course I tried asking them for any help. After getting a reply of "you just have to do it, I learned everything myself and my friend hired me, just do it lol" I got kinda discouraged and feel like trash for bothering people for anything. The only artistic artistic person I know personally right now is much below my level (don't wanna sound judgy and like I'm who knows how skilled), repeatedly asks me for help with animation and art and portfolio assembly and I help and I see how their stuff looks. But all that matters is their ability to sell themselves, an image of themselves. They called themselves an animator when they were unable to animate a simple walk cycle properly. And it worked. They just talked themselves into getting hired as a... 3D generalist? And now they are the main character artist/designer and animator in that studio. And I asked them for help. Got a dismissive non-answer.

I don't know what to do anymore, but clearly I'm not fit to live in the world that works like this.

[cwcthzl]

Hi 👋 wanted to need to know what you think about a modern era Stozier au where Richie is a guitarist who write song about his love for Stan and Stan is a painter who Richie as his muse

even though i can't see stan drawing more than sketches of his favorite birds in normal settings, i can't say this au didn't cross my mind and lure me in.

richie is bad at vocalizing his feelings so he always turns to music to do it for him, it gets even worse when he starts learning guitar and writing his own songs with the most raw usage of words. like, no word game or whatsoever, because he doesn't care and won't play it outside of his own room anyway, so why not be honest about it?

it starts out with writing a little draft about stan and how he is his best friend and how he is the best birdwatcher he's ever known because he's the only one with an old ass soul and mildly nerdy interests (affectionately, of course) and he just. takes so much joy in that he starts writing more songs about him. they start as making fun of him, jokes about his sense of style and his habit of rolling his eyes in everything and how he always scrunches his nose before writing something and how his left dimple shows up when he laughs and-

one night he gathers all his songs and places them all over the floor and bed to sort them into categories. he picks up paper after paper and every one of them is about stan.

it's almost like i'm love with him, he laughs to himself but then his most recent drafts keep adding up and he reads the lines where he wrote 'and i wish i got to keep his fingers on my hair forever, drown myself on his eyes that i call a river' and the realization downs on him and he just sits there. like. i am fucking in love with him

on the other hand stan started drawing by drawing birds he watched while he was bird-watching, and he wanted to keep the image and track of them without buying and cutting out pictures of them all time. but slowly he started drawing different things, doodling his classmate's bag in class or painting sky when he thought the sunset was pretty. he usually drew inanimate objects.

he started getting the artist-perspective and he started paying more attention to the features of people around him and how he could capture the said features on paper.

and he couldn't take his eyes off of richie when he paid, actually paid attention to his face because he was so. drawable. something about it satisfied stan better than anything. the way his slightly crooked teeth popped out when he flashed his real smile, how his arched nose was the perfect angle, how his eyes were the coldest blue he's ever seen, how his eyelashes touched his cheekbone, and-

so he drew him. tried to, but he felt like he didn't do it properly so he drew him again. and again and again. he drew him standing, sitting, whistling, laughing, with angel wings, with horrendous shirts, with religious symbolism - in every way he could.

he drew him and told himself he'd stop until he got it perfect, but he never did.

one evening, when he was tapping the back of his brush on his desk and looking at his last painting of richie, he thought why he couldn't capture that lousy trashmouth perfectly.

because he is perfect, stan thought mindlessly while stroking the fabric with his brush. you can't capture the perfection perfectly. it's always gonna be replication of the real thing, an almost, but never perfect.

he never stopped drawing him though. he was a perfectionist, after all.

[asterealain]

Wanting to quit art already...

So after giving myself a false sense of security in my skills from my first piece of "art" - which was mostly done thanks to tracing and very little of my own skill...yesterday I started properly trying to actually draw something myself. It was a disaster from the start, but I managed to get through the head and face with a lot of editing, layer correcting, etc.

Today it came time to do the hair...and I was so insanely bad at it that I came close to deleting the whole project and calling it quits. I took a couple breaks and tried to go back to it, but it was never getting any better. I looked at countless references, I studied how other people draw hair, and I understood and saw HOW they did it just fine. It all clicked so easily. But then I pick up the pen and just...can't. No matter how much in my head I understood it and knew what to do, I couldn't. Every line was wrong, every edge was wrong. It looked like some ugly emo helmet sitting on top of the head.

I added a bit of shading which helped...marginally. But it's still absolutely horrible. Just thinking about it makes me tear up. I look at what other people call a 'work in progress' and they all might as well be calling the mona lisa a wip because even these 1/4th complete projects looks better than my "finished" one.

I tried so hard to be easy on myself and remind myself I'm new and I have to start somewhere and learn and practice but...this is just reminding me of why I never did physical drawing either. Mistake after mistake and not even being able to erase them all. I thought digital art would be better because i could have layers and an endless amount of erases and undos...

But even then, you don't. eventually the layers just started fucking up other layers below it. I couldn't find things I was looking for to fix and had to re-draw stuff because I couldn't find it in my dozens of layers.

After all these hours I look at the 'finished' thing and just want to cry. It's just hideous. And what's worse is that it was meant to be a surprise for someone but there is no way i could give them THAT. A 8 year old could have done better than that.

Why am I so bad at everything I try? I was so happy to dip my toes in digital art but unless I'm just stealing from someone else I can't do it at all. I know in my head that nobody is perfect, it's not a race, mistakes are fine, all that nice fluffy stuff. But it doesn't help any. Not when I've never been good at anything at all. I guess I'm just going to toss digital art in my pile of failed attempts. At least the tablet I bought was cheap so it won't feel as bad collecting dust alongside all my other failed hobbies.

Why can't I just be good at something like everyone else? to think I opened up all these social media accounts and acted like I was going to be some amazing artist...I'm just a fraud.