#i can't believe that we had any faith in them to begin with

[necrotic-nightshade]

I can't tell if it makes me feel better or worse that I wasn't the only person who was failed and fucked over by the administration of my old school.

I'm glad I dropped out. And I'm glad I can finally say I was right about those cunts.

[marcskywalker]

alright alright

Merlin has made a habit of laying protective charms and spells on Arthur's armor. The man is a big liability (king or not, Merlin will say it as it is). Running into danger head first, without thought or concern, is his top favorite activity.

It's what makes Arthur Arthur; his courage in the face of death.

So yes, it's become a necessity for Merlin to charm his armor for strength and endurance.

He decides to charm the King's new set of armors in his royal chamber in the middle of the day, while Arthur is away presumably listening to another one of mind numbingly boring reports from his knights.

What is a safer place for Merlin other than this room? Where else can he walk in as he pleases? Move about as he pleases? Leave a mess, jest around, lock the door and loiter as he pleases?

Within these walls, no one would dare to question him.

The King's trust is loud enough.

So, Merlin lays out all the metal on the floor and begins. He holds the cold, sharp chestpiece in his hand. Imagines Arthur under it; Arthur's beating heart and his warm, soft, breakable skin.

His magic flows out of him without command or permission, desperate to erase all the images of his mortal king bleeding and weak.

Oh, protectors of Earth and Magic! Cradle him as you would cradle your son.

His eyes are ember, words still on his lips, the shimmer of magic over the metal, when door swings open.

"Leon is one of my oldest and closest friends, but by Gods he makes me miserable," Arthur lets out a long breath, as if to blow out all the air in his body, looking right at Merlin as he does so.

The gold finally fades from his eyes but Merlin is frozen in place, his bones and breath refusing to move, watching Arthur's face scrunch in confusion, a myriad of feelings flashing through his face before settling on stern eyes and pursed lips.

"Mingling with the druids a lot now, are we?"

"Arthur, I-"

"I know, I know!" he sighs, commanding his face to neutrality, stepping over Merlin and metal towards his desk, "They are my people, too. You're allowed to trade and learn from each other."

Despite his resigned tone, Merlin knows how hard Arthur has worked to ensure a place for Druids in Camelot. Writing in stone, clear as day, that he is more than his father's son; he has claimed them as citizens of Camelot, opening the doors to courts and trade and provisions equally for all in the Kingdom.

Watching Arthur grow into the prophesied will be Merlin's greatest pride. Even if magic is still prohibited to practice under the law, magic users aren't hunted like animals for existing. And Merlin has all the faith in his King that when the time is right, he will bring magic back into the land. Until then, he's happy to live in half shadows.

"I'm allowed to learn magic?" he can't help the skepticism and shock bleed into his tone.

"Well, no! I'm not allowing you for anything, Merlin. But I'm not stupid enough to believe that that's about to stop you."

"So," he draws out the word, unsure of how to step out of the conversation. Unsure if he should even be stepping out of the conversation. "I can learn more magic?"

"You know how I feel about this. The price I have- we have had to pay for it. If you still find yourself curious, do what-" gestures to the laid out armor on the ground, "-ever this is. I only ask that you be careful."

"I'm enchanting it. To keep you safe."

"In exchange for what, Merlin?"

"Nothing-", Merlin loses his grip on the conversation faced with the frightened heartbreak on Arthur's face; the courageous bones bending in unfamiliar ways. "I swear. Nothing. It's not any big magic. The druids do it all the time, we won't have to pay a price for this, Arthur."

"We'll see."

[bimb0fy]

perfect girlfriend; monkey d luffy

pairings; monkey d luffy x shank!reader

warning(s); mentions of scars, kinda suggestive at the end.

summary; luffy always had your name in his mouth, his girlfriend this! his girlfriend that! the crew never knew if you had actually existed considering the fact that your name didn't ring any bells or that well, they haven't met you yet. when luffy proposed a visit they all agreed to put an end to this little charade.

word count: 1,071 words

ᵐᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡⁱˢᵗ!! | ⁿᵃᵛⁱᵍᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ!!

— Luffy smiled as he ran over the deck, perfecting everything that looked slightly unpleasing. He hadn't seen you in months, going back to his old village meant seeing you again and he wanted it to be perfect. You both kept in touch by sending letters and after a while, ended up buying phones to reach each other faster.

Nami sat on a crate, her legs crossed as Sanji and Zoro stood beside her. Ussop was attempting to stop Luffy from falling overboard. She looked over at the two boys who rolled their eyes. "Not one bit huh?" Nami asked the two who nodded.

Sanji had faith in the beginning, believing the boy since well, he has a heart of gold, but after a while of hearing stories that sound like tales out of a naive boys mouth is well, unbelievable. Yes, it was possible for him to have a girlfriend, yet she can't be great in everything.

She can't be a fantastic with swords and a genius in the medical field, she can't be the best cook, better then Sanji Luffy might say, and have a hand for crafts. Maybe he was simply overcompensating about his love.

"Luffy, the ship looks great, I'm sure your girl will love it." Sanji smiled at the boy as both Nami and Zoro let out stiffled laughs.

"Whats so funny?" Luffy asked the group who looked at eachother. Luffy grew more concerned as he took his hat off, sliding them onto his shoulders.

"It's just that we uh." Nami started as she tried to figure out a way to frame it in a decent way.

"We don't think she exists." Zoro answered as Nami turned to the boy, her eyes wide as he shrugged. "What, it's better then lying."

"Y/n is real, why don't you guys believe me?" Luffy asked the crew who stayed quiet. He looked among them as he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "She's real, shes a pirate too, well, was a pirate."

"Yeah, and a doctor, and a cook, and a writer. She seems perfect, no one is." Zoro looked at the boy who scoffed.

"Well, she is, and look, we're here so you'll see for yourself!" Luffy said as he ran towards the front. Nami sighed as she stopped the ship, Luffy instantly jumping down, running towards a trap door. He opened it, jumping down for the group to follow him.

They were placed in an old basement, filled with materials and a section with belongings. "What is this place, it's so, rusty." Sanji said as he pinched his nose due to the horrid smell of fish guts.

"It's my home, well, was my home." Luffy smiled at the group as he walked over to his old bed, he opened a chest, taking out a satchel with his old belongings before climbing back up. "C'mon, I got my stuff, let's go meet Y/n!"

"Yeah, cause that's totally not stalling." Nami said as she climbed out, helping Zoro up as she ran after the boy who ran towards a bar.

"Luffy! My god we missed you!" The bartender smiled at the boy who hugged her. He turned back to his crew, looking around for another person.

"Hey Makino I got the broom." You said as you entered the room, you looked up to find Luffy who stood in shock. You dropped the broom as you ran towards the boy, jumping at him as he caught you, spinning you around.

You kissed his lips as he smiled, he set you down, wrapping his arms around you as he turned back to his crew who stood shocked. "Wait, she's actually real?" Zoro asked as he turned to Nami. She shrugged as he turned back to you.

"Guys, this is my very real girlfriend, Y/n." Luffy introduced you as you laughed. You waved at the group who waved back, Sanji with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"What a nice young lady you are-." Sanji's sentence was cut off by Luffy who had punched the boy, you covered your mouth before turning back to Luffy who looked serious.

"Luffy!" You yelled as he turned back to you, his expression softening.

"What?" He answered as you fliched his hat, he smiled as he held onto it, kissing your cheek before carrying you up, spinning you around one more time.

"Cmon now, I wanna show you my ship!" Luffy smiled as he held your hand, running towards the dock where the going merry happened to be. He skipped up the ramp as you looked in awe at the ship.

Luffy leaned onto the railings, smiling at the girl who stood on shock. "This is your ship? This is yours?" You asked the boy who nodded. He seemed proud of himself, you knew he had a ship but never expected a huge ship with an actual flag.

"C'mon, I'll show you my room, our room." Luffy smiled at the girl who scrunched her face in confusion. Luffy jumped down, holding your hand as he stared into your eyes. "Y/n, I want you to join my crew, we need someone like you, you know what you're doing, your perfect, your kind and smart."

"I left that life behind." You sighed as he looked away, you could tell her was upset. You hated being apart, he hated it more. Luffy was always an affectionate person, being away from his loved one hurt more then anyone could ever imagine. "I suppose you do need help to find the one piece."

Luffys face brightened up as he looked at you, smiling before carrying you up to the ship. You giggled as he set you down in the Captains quarters. The place was surrounded in pictures and souvenirs from adventures they had gone through. A desk filled with books and paper, probably stories written by him. You turned to the bed that seemed big enough for two people.

"You planned this, didn't you?" You turned to the boy who smiled, raising his eyebrows. You laughed before setting down on the bed. "I'll go get lunch ready?"

"No need, Sanji 'll do it." He smirked as he placed his hands on your waist, you smiled as you looked back at the boy, he traced your scar on your left cheek with his fingertips in such a loving way. "Now, let me show you how much I missed you my love."

[editorandchief]

Hell Hath No Fury | Aemond Targaryen

Request: Yes

Summary: Aemond has become distant and you find out why.

Warning: blood, miscarriage, cheating, assault

Hell Hath No Fury Masterlist

You couldn't believe it.

He was the good brother, the dutiful son, the valiant knight... the faithful husband. There was no way that your Aemond wouldn't do this to you. 

This explains why he was traveling so often to Harrenhal away from you for so long when you needed him the most, you thought as you rubbed your swollen belly staring at the piece of paper in your hand. 

He had gotten that whore pregnant, and from the letter it seemed you two were both soon to give birth.  

Alys Rivers, the strong Bastard, the Witch...Yet another thing you two had in common, maybe your husband had a type.

This was it. the beginning of the end. If Alys Rivers gave birth to that child there is nothing that would stop her from coming to court, having her child legitimized, having Aemond take her as a mistress, bringing shame and embarrassment upon you and your child.

No.

"Push princess, push." The midwife needlessly instructed as someone wiped the sweat from your brow. 

"I do appreciate your help and respect and acknowledge that you have helped bring many royals into this world so please forgive me when I say, 'please shut the fuck up and let me concentrate." You yelled back as you took two deep breaths before closing your eyes and letting your head fall backwards. 

Opening your eyes again you see your in a hallway standing in front of a door, you can still hear the midwives telling you to push. placing your hand in the door you push it open slowly as you see the sight of Alys Rivers and Aemond in bed together. 

His arm is wrapped around her, as they are both naked it isn't hard to guess what it was that had made them so tired. Walking into the room you hear the door close behind you just as you stand right above them. As if sensing your presence Alys' eyes snap open and stare up at you. 

She opens her mouth to wake Aemond before you stop her. 

"Don't bother calling out, her can't hear us." You informed her reaching for his arm and throwing it away from her causing his to shift in his sleep and turn over. "No one can. From the look on your face I can tell you know exactly who I am, which is amusing considering I knew nothing of you a moon ago."

"I know this must be upsetti-."

"No! You don't because you are not his wife, you are not the one he married and swore loyalty to only to turn around and impregnate some whore." You sneered at her as she flinched back. "What was your plan? to take my husband, become and mistress, you seek to replace me and my child?" You asked as she simply shook her head in denial. 

"It was never meant to happen like this, but I love Aemond and he loves me, I'm sorry that you are hurt by this but that is the truth of it. I never thought I would be able to have children but this is a gift that Aemond has given to me and we both are thankful to be having it, but that does not mean he is any less thankful for your child and I promise you that I mean no harm to your life, marriage or the life of your child."  Alys rushed to explain. Taking a moment you look on at this women in bed with your husband and think of her words.

"Words....are not enough." You say before Alys' body is forced down into the bed. Leaning over her you pulled the sheets from her body exposing her milky skin to the cold air. 

"What are you doing?" Alys asked as she struggled against the invisible force. 

"Don't worry I am simply righting a wrong," You informed her as you pulled a knife from your dress. "The child that grows inside of you belongs to my husband"  You continue as you placed the blade to her belly.

"No! Please no." Alys pleads as she fight to get away from you. "I'm beg you please. I have wronged you I admit but my child is innocent, Aemond's child is innocent." 

"I know." You say before plunging the knife into her womb as she lets out a blood curtailing scream. Once the cut was made you reached inside of her wound ignoring the blood and cries of the women as you pull the child from her body. Cradling the child in your arm you softly coo to the child as Alys lets out another round of sobs. "Please do not morn for the child will live, but it will be birthed by me, as should all children of my husband." 

Turning and walking away the door slowly creaks back open allowing you to walk back into the hall. "Though I am very thankful for this gift you and my husband have given to me Alys, I trust it will be the last one" You say before the door closes once again. 

"Just one more push my princess." You left you head once again over come with the pain of child birth. "Here it comes." After one more push the room is filled with the cries of your child. 

"A prince, you have given birth to a prince." The midwife announced moving to retrieve a blanket for the newborn. She began to hand you your child before you leaned forward and let out a painful groan. "The afterbirth."

another midwife crouched between your leg as you groan in pain. "No there is a head, there is another babe." She informed sending the room into another round of panic as you were instructed again to push.

"Another prince." She soon declares as the second child begins to cry. 

 Cradling both babes in your arms you look down at the two clearly Targaryen princes with a small smile, Alicent entered the room quickly making it to your side "Aemon and  Armon." You names them as she looks to her grandchildren made my her favorite son. 

***

It had been three days since Aemond woke to Alys' screams, the sheets around her covered in blood as she cradled her stomach. The maesters said it was a miscarriage, but Alys insisted that it wasn't, when Aemond tried to comfort her she yelled for him to leave her and refused to be near him. After the second day of trying he chose to return to Kingslanding where is was notified that his wife had given birth to twin boys. 

Entering the chambers he sees his wife cooing at the two newborns laying on their bed. Turning towards your husband your eyes widen. "Aemond, I thought you were Beth to assist me with taking the twins to midday meal, the family wished to meet them." 

"Well I am sorry to disappoint you," Aemond teased walking closer to the bed. "But I promise I can try to be as good as Beth until she arrives." 

"Oh stop." You laughed a bit before letting out a sigh. "Actually I am glad that you are here, I wanted to speak with you."

"What is it you wish to speak of?" He asked rubbing his knuckle along Aemon's face.

"I know that this marriage started as an arrangement, but I understand that at the time we both believed that we become fond of each other and perhaps even love, and I thought that we had begun to share these feeling but I realize that I can not hold you to promises we made as children." You now had his full attention. "And if it is what you want, I will not fight you on seeking annulment."

"You have been distant and it was not until the twins were born that I realize just how distant you've become, we used to spend time together, reading, painting, laughing but I gave birth for the first time and my husband was not to be found." You explained. "I do not blame you for not returning my feeling or for pulling away but I can't live thinking that I'm driving you from your home or thinking that this distance between us will affect our children." 

"Please," Aemond says grabbing your hand and kneeling at your side. "Your feeling are returned I swear it to you, my distance is of no fault of your own."

"Then what is it?" You pleaded looking into his eyes. "I wish for you to be there for our children, for them to love and be moved by you. You once told me you didn't want to be like your father, I do not want this either."

Looking into your eyes Aemond knew he couldn't tell you the reason, he knew it would break your heart and he couldn't do that to you not after you had just given him two son, not ever. "It matters not, It will never happen again." He assures giving your hand a gentle squeeze. "I will not be the father viserys was to me and I will not be the husband he was to my mother. You three are my life and I will spend every second to assure that you know it. 

"My princess It is time for your midday meal with your family." Beth informed entering the chambers.

"Thank you Beth would you please hold Aemon and I will take Armon you instruct as Aemond stands and helps you from the bed. Standing and walking towards the door you asked Beth to please walk ahead of you. "I thank you for hearing me Aemond and I do hope this isn't asking to much but I also must ask something else of you." 

Aemond nodded as he rubs his hand up and down your back in comfort. 

"I wish for this to be a pleasant occasion so I must ask you not fight with Jace and Luke, though it seems you have grown quite fond of Strong bastards as of late." You say before walking ahead leaving his frozen in the door way of the room.  

Part Two

[dalliancekay]

"There is no 'our side', Crowley!"

I was looking for this gif and every post I came across was some variation on how poorly was Crowley treated here. Poor boy. How utterly cruel of Aziraphale. How heartless. How he just dropped Crowley like a hot potato. Cos Heaven was coming. And Aziraphale decided that they were over. And he was going back to them. Or something. If you know any that look into how Aziraphale is feeling, please tag me. What do I think Aziraphale is feeling?

Well. Was he happy to have Armageddon coming? No. But he did think it was inevitable.* However. They tried to influence the Antichrist. But had the wrong boy. Then they tried to think of how to find the real one and in that short time - what? Kill him? Talk to him? They had no idea what the kid is like. What powers he has. None.

The Great Plan. It is coming to its fulfilment. It is written. The War is about to begin. Heaven and Hell. The big one. They both know this. And this is not something Aziraphale or Crowley can avoid. It's not something they can just stop believing in. They had their Arrangement, their side (sort of), and they managed not to get caught. But now? Now Aziraphale is right. There is no OUR SIDE. There never really was. There might have been a moment in their existence on Earth (about 12 hundred years?) when they could feel like/pretend they are having their own side. But now the full reality of their existence is back. There are Heaven and Hell and they are preparing for War. They have no interest in Earth. Aziraphale and Crowley are tiny pawns in a very big picture. They both belong to their respective sides. They always have. Even when they found ways to work together. (Mostly cos their sides are conceited idiots both.)

And so Aziraphale decided for one more desperate attempt to get God to see how the whole thing can be avoided. Does he think She might understand? We don't know. Does he look full of hope as he walks back to his shop? He doesn't. He gets broken up with again by Crowley who nonsensically (and yes, romantically, sure) wants to go to another star - to do what? Wait till the end of universe reaches them? (Why is everybody always defending Crowley? And act like he's being reasonable there?) And then Aziraphale gets punched in the stomach. By a fellow angel. And told by Metatron to not be a bloody fool and report for service as the good angel he surely is.

And he gets discorporated. Which looks like it really sucks.

And then he DESERTS the War AND Heaven (that he apparently still has faith in...) and goes on a limb to find the boy and just see if he can come up with something. Anything. Thinking Crowley is gone. Packed his stuff and left. Possibly with the friend he was talking to when he tried to call his flat earlier.

Because Aziraphale feels the War and ending of the world is such injustice. Written or not. Great Plan or not. Maybe he didn't think at first he could make any difference but Crowley showed him it's worth considering it. *Crowley is always showing Aziraphale that things can be questioned. It didn't take Aziraphale long at all to reconsider letting things just play out and instead fight to the last breath he doesn't need, for Earth instead. The conditioning he needs to fight isn't that Heaven is good and right. The conditioning he needs to fight is that things can't be changed. That it is all written out. That he is a nobody and can't influence anything. Aziraphale's biggest fight and learning curve is in having faith in himself. So. Much like he felt it was unfair to leave the first humans unprotected and how he felt killing Job's kids was cruel, he disobeys and does his own thing again. He learns he can. But all this comes at a cost. To himself (thinking he will Fall for these things) but also to his beloved - and THAT is much harder for him. He would never want to put Crowley in danger. And he does. Every time they meet. The guilt he must feel for this.

Aziraphale lives between two sides. And they are both awful. And he is often misunderstood for just acknowledging this as reality he and everything else exists in.

I think his view of his reality is pretty accurate. There is no our side. They wanted one. But they can't leave their sides. Even after S1 they couldn't. Not really. And they both knew it. And no, he is not in clutches of Heaven or sometimes reverts to their indoctrination or anything like that. He goes along with Heaven as far as he MUST. And his life alongside his demon, however tentative, was always precious to him. But.

Crowley who showed him how to keep questioning things, try to make them better, didn't see it his way and left.

Aziraphale has to do the best he can and just do something. Anything. He can not just do nothing. He can not try and run. Or hide. Or wait some more. Crowley showed him that things can be different and Aziraphale had to do all to try and make it better. And he will. And Crowley will help. He always does.

Is Aziraphale always right? No. Does he make mistakes? Yes. I am never saying Aziraphale is faultless - but I think many things he is blamed for are not right. And I also think Crowley is often seen as can do no wrong. Everything he says is right. 100% correct. The right things to do. He knows more. Understands more. If he disagrees with Aziraphale than it follows that Aziraphale is wrong. That's not true. They are both beautifully rounded, full, flawed characters I love. They complement each other in ways I bet I have not even noticed yet. And they are their own beings too. They don't only exist for one another.

[bts-trans]

231210 Weverse Translation

RM's Post ❇️

안녕하세요 사랑하는 여러분, 기어이 그 날이 오고야 말았네요 드릴 말들이 참 많이 맴맴 돌았던 듯한데 막상 닥치니 입이 잘 안 떨어지네요. 지난 십 년간 방탄소년단으로 살 수 있어서 너무 행복했어요. 줄곧 입버릇처럼 말해왔지만 끝은 또 시작이니까! 지나고 나면 다른 좋은 무언가가 우리를 기다리고 있을 거라 믿어 의심치 않아요. 먼저 이 시간을 견뎌야 했을 석진이 형과 호석이가 뒤따라가는 저희보다 훨씬 더 힘들었을 거에요. 늦게나마 너무 씩씩하게 잘 해내고 있는 그들을 보며 더없는 용기를 얻고 있답니다. 길다면 길고, 짧다면 짧을 18개월 동안 이 시기가 우리 모두에게 어떤 낯설고 새로운 영감과 배움의 시기가 될 거라 믿어요. 두렵고 무섭기도 하지만 그 막연한 시간 동안 무언가를 기대하고 고대할 것이 있다는 사실만큼 위로가 되는 일이 또 있을까요? 제 일도 일이겠지만 그건 아마 여러분의 사랑이겠죠. 누군가에게 줄곧 기억될 수 있고 기다려지는 존재라는 것, 때로 외롭고 쓸쓸하기도 하겠지만 그 사랑으로 제 안은 이미 충만한 것 같아요 저 역시 당신께 그런 존재일 수 있길 바라요. 무수한 귓가에 머물다 가는 말들보다 우리의 시간과 사랑과 진심이 앞으로의 우리를 말해주잖아요. 늘, 곁에 없어도 곁에 있는 사람이고 싶었어요 각자의 삶을 각자의 장소에서 열심히 살아내다가 돌아오면 활짝 웃으며 더 격의없는, 마음과 마음으로 충만할 우리이길 소망하면서. 잠시동안 안녕 안녕이에요 ! 돌아올 땐 또 안녕 하며 인사 드릴게요 언제 어디서든 우리가 우리이도록 ! 미래에서 만나요 많이 사랑하고 있답니다. 조금이나마 닿길 소원하며 - 남준 https://weverse.io/bts/artist/4-142657541

My beloved ARMY, hello. So it's finally here, that day has actually come. I feel like there were a lot of things I wanted to say to you swirling around in my head, but now that it's actually time, I can't seem to get any words out.

I am so happy to have lived as BTS for the past ten years. I have said this so many times it's almost become a habit, but endings are beginnings after all! So I believe, without a doubt, that something good will be waiting for us at the end of this.

Seokjinie hyung and Hoseok had to go through this first and they probably had a much harder time than us, who are just following in their steps. Watching them face things head-on and do so well, I gain immense courage myself, even if I am a bit late to do so.

18 months feels like both a long and short period of time. I believe that it will be one where we all experience a new and unfamiliar kind of inspiration and learning. I am scared and afraid but, during such uncertain times, what could be more comforting than knowing that there is something to wait for, to look forward to? My own work may be a part of that, but it's probably your love more than anything.

Being someone who is constantly remembered, and constantly waited for, can sometimes feel a little lonely and empty, but I think that your love fills me up. I, of course, hope that I can be the same for you.

More than the countless words that stay in your ears for a bit then go away, our time, our love, and our sincerity speak for our future, don't they? I have always wanted to be someone who is beside you even when I am not.

We will each stay where we are, working hard and living our own lives. And then when we come back, we will smile broadly, and we will be full of our hearts for one another, shared fully and freely. That is what I am hoping for. This is just a momentary goodbye! When I come back, I will greet you with these same words*.

No matter when or where, here's to us being us!

See you in the future. I love you very much. I hope my love reaches you, even just a little bit.

- Namjoon

(T/N: *He uses the word '안녕' in this line as well as the previous, as in Korean it can mean both 'hello' and 'goodbye'.)

Trans cr; Aditi, Faith & Eisha @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

[cryinglightning64]

Hope Is Lost

Summary: You left home to get away from the normalcy, only to end up in a foreign country not knowing that the world was beginning to end.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x female (sorta nun) reader

A/N: this is my first attempt at writing a fanfic bc i cant seem to find any about him in france and if you have found any tag me plss 😭 i had to resort to making my own instead. lmk if anyone is even interested in a part 2 this is basically just a teaser i promise it will have smut if 1 person interacts with this. even if nobody interacts ima still post part 2 bc wtf am i doing hoarding this in my notes app.

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The first time you saw him you had a strange feeling about him. As if you knew who he was. As he floated on top of the boat that seemed to be capsized, a measly tied rope that hardly held his body to the boat, you weren't sure what his name was, but you had a gut feeling, you knew it had to be him. You thought back at the drawing that Laurent had made, two weeks ago.

You followed him, watched as the man washed up on the shore, confused, but seemingly determined.

The sisters might be right, you thought to yourself. Isabelle might be right.

You met Isabelle after the world began decaying, finding refuge at the convent. It wasn't really your first choice, staying at the convent, but in this world, beggars can't be choosers. You thought maybe immersing yourself into religion might help take your mind off everything that happened to you, everything going on outside.

Many of the nuns at the abbey didn't see you as one of them, despite you being there longer than some of them. You never were religious like the rest of them, which made everyone turn their heads away from you. Religion came easy to them, meanwhile with you, well, you hadn't given it much thought.

To this day it's still in the back of your mind, chipping away at you, the guilt of not being a big enough believer in God. How could you believe in a higher power if this is what the world has succumbed to? How could anything good let all the people you loved, cared about, die such gruesome deaths? Always a constant back and forth battle you had going on in your mind.

Sister Isabelle confided in you, telling you about Laurent, and how she needed to find someone to deliver him to Paris. The whole messiah thing seemed like such a crazy thing to wrap your head around, but you still offered your help in anyway you could. After all, you knew she would do anything for you and the rest of the nuns. That and you needed to get out of France. It was your one chance, you finally had a good enough reason to leave the abbey and try to

find your way back home.

Hanging up the small poster of the Union Isabelle made, you watched as the man with the wings on his back took an abandoned boat as his shelter for the night. Hopefully he would still be there by the time you got back tomorrow.

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"Isabelle, I am telling you, I saw him." you pleaded. The drawing sat in front you two on the table, barely visible due to the small lantern you held up.

"Je t'ai dit de ne pas y aller seul," Isabelle whispered, "I told you not to go alone out there, what if he had seen you? Or followed you?"

"He didn't, okay? Please Isabelle, I know what everyone here thinks about me and my faith, but I know it, he's the one that can help us take Laurent." you spoke quietly but urgently, as to not wake up the rest of the sisters.

"No, we know nothing of this man, maybe he is already out there walking amongst the dead, or worse, he might just be here to steal from us and kill us all. You will not go back out there, especially alone, do you understand?" Isabelle spoke, her hand coming to rub her forehead, smoothing the frown lines forming.

Sighing, you nod your head, peering down at the drawing.

"Good, now get some sleep." Isabelle turned away, heading back to sleep.

Even if deep down, you didn't believe that Laurent was the messiah, and that the man in the boat was the man from the drawing, you still had the need to find out more about this man.

The next morning you came back to where you had last seen the man, hoping he was still out there.

You watched and followed as he got up and began packing his things, setting out to wander the land.

You also saw how he had got himself into trouble with the young woman and older man, seeing how he fought off the men from the Pouvoir des Vivants, as best as he could. You watched from a distance until you saw how they robbed him blind, injuring him long enough for them to get away.

You ran up to him, kneeling before watching him pass out from the blows to the head and quite probably the dehydration.

You carried, or more so, dragged his limp body to your small carriage you brought with you, hoping he wouldn't be what Isabelle said he might be.

You were dreading having to explain to Isabelle why you had brought this man to the abbey after she so explicitly told you not to engage with him, let alone bring him into your homes.

"Qu'est-ce que je t'ai dit? Why did you have to bring him back here?" Isabelle raised her eyebrows at you as she held the hot poker towards his arm.

"Perdóname, no supe que hacer, I had no choice he was injured" you said and you rounded to the opposite side of the bed.

"Hold his arm down, and cover his mouth." Isabelle said as she looked at you with a glare you were sure was the maddest you have ever seen her.

He screamed and writhed and she held the hot metal to his arm where the undead had burned him with acid.

His grunts and pained yelling made something inside you feel horrible, the pain he was in almost made you feel as terrible as it seemed to pain him.

His anguished face combined with the peaceful singing of the nuns down the hall swarmed your senses, until he coughed and passed out once more.

"Listen to me, I know you didn't mean for all this to happen, I get that, and I understand he was hurt. But you better pray that he will be able to deliver Laurent, it's what he needs, deserves." Isabelle said after she wrapped the man's arm, who you had come to learn his name was Daryl Dixon.

"I will, Isabelle. I'll make it my life's mission to get that boy to Paris." you said quietly as to not wake up Daryl, who had begun to snore softly in the bed below you.

"Very well. Now help me prepare the bath for him, he's going to need it once he wakes up." Isabelle walked away to fetch a kettle of water to fill up the bath.

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a/n: yall pls dont be mad i tried my best i know its shitty writing but i dont have anything to lose.

also im open to suggestions or if you guys wanna see a certain trope or scene play along u tell me ill do my best to make it come true on paper 😪

[stevesnightmares]

I don't understand how some people can watch BBC Merlin and, when they are done, complain that it didn't make sense because Merlin didn't fulfil the prophecy. You are the one who doesn't understand the story that is being told. This is not like in Percy Jackson, where we get prophecies and, by the end, we see them come true, even if in unexpected ways. Merlin created his own path with every choice that he made, with every action he took. He could've fulfilled his destiny, he could've saved Arthur and brought on the golden age of Albion, but by making certain choices he wasn't able to fulfil that destiny. He had the ability to do so, but didn't.

In season 1 episode 8, "The Beginning of the End" we are immediately told that Merlin will not fulfill his destiny, he will not protect Arthur and see him bring about the golden age of Albion.

KILGHARRAH If the boy lives, you cannot fulfil your destiny. MERLIN What's he got to do with my destiny? You said it's my destiny to protect Arthur. KILGHARRAH Then you have the answer you seek. MERLIN You're telling me that little boy is going to kill Arthur? KILGHARRAH It seems that is up to you. MERLIN No. You can't know that for certain. KILGHARRAH You have it in your power to prevent a great evil. MERLIN There must be another way! The future isn't set in stone! KILGHARRAH You must let the boy die.

By saving Mordred, Merlin sealed Arthur's fate and signed his death. He made a choice and that choice had its consequences.

Another clear example of Merlin's choices affecting, well, everything, is in season 2 episode 8, "Sins of the Father".

Merlin's goal is to make Arthur see that magic isn't all bad, to make the genocide of magic wielders stop, to bring magic back to Camelot so that he and every other magic person can live freely as themselves.

When meeting with Morgouse, Arthur begins to go towards the right path.

ARTHUR What if my father's attitude to magic is wrong? MERLIN You really think that?

ARTHUR Perhaps it's not as simple as he would have us believe. Morgause is a sorcerer, she has caused us no harm. Surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil.

He's starting to see that maybe not everyone who uses magic uses it for evil, that magic users can be good.

ARTHUR You speak of hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?

He's also seeing that Uther hates magic because of personal reasons and not because all magic is really bad.

This was the perfect opportunity, the perfect opening to bring Arthur on the right side. But what does Merlin do?

MERLIN Morgause is lying! She's an enchantress. She tricked you. That was not your mother you saw. That was an illusion. Everything...everything your mother said to you...those were Morgause's words. This has been her plan all along! To turn you against your father. And if you kill him, the kingdom will be destroyed! This is what she wants!

He tells Arthur that it's all a lie and that the sorcerer is evil, that once again those who use magic only want to see Camelot fall.

ARTHUR I am indebted to you, Merlin. I had become...confused. It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous. And that is thanks to you.

He solidified Arthur's belief that magic is evil and bad.

My point isn't to decide whether Merlin's choices were good or bad, right or wrong, we follow him, we see why he does what he does, how much he cares for Arthur and for others, we see his flaws and his shortcomings and we can't blame him for any of his choices because all of them, even the most misguided ones, were all done in good faith.

The point is that that's what the show is about: a young warlock in his quest to save Arthur and how his choices bring him to his failure. From season 1 he was doomed to fail because of his choices. At least that's how I see it. People were expecting to see Merlin fulfil the prophecy and some claim that he did, but imo the whole show is about how his choices doomed him and made him not fulfil his destiny.

UTHER You [Merlin] have proven yourself to be a trusted ally in the fight against magic.

[dgrailwar]

Round 13, Day 6 - Typhon's Defeat, The End of a Curse [LONG]

While morale had started high, things seemed to be going south. No matter what they threw at the giant, nothing seemed to be working. It wasn't as if the Servants didn't have help. The Mystic Eyes of the Gorgon only seemed to slow Typhon down slightly, and any monsters or summoned soldiers by Echidna and Gunner respectively were being smashed much faster than expected.

But that was the might of this giant… Typhon, after all, was a nigh-invincible dragon that thrived in the darkness and within the Earth and yet could rend the heaven's asunder and destroy the hopes and dreams of the faithful- and the curse of the Pretender was filling in any conceptual gaps that it would normally have.

"We're barely scratching this thing!"

The Ruler's eyes narrowed as the Alter-Ego complained, before her expression grew resolute.

"…Alter-Ego, can you get me up there?"

"Huh? I mean, probably, but…"

"Please. I have a plan to give us the upper hand, but you'll have to trust me."

The Alter-Ego frowned, before nodding. She took her rival into her arms, gently. The Alter-Ego's grasp was loose, the Ruler having to hold on tightly to compensate for the weaker hand grip of the Alter-Ego, but it was enough. With dazzling speed, Meltryllis darted forward, her movements like water as she slipped and danced past wave after wave of energy emitted from their behemoth of an opponent.

Quietly, in the Alter-Ego's arms, the Ruler chanted.

"The heavens declare the victory of God… The skies proclaim the work of His hands… Day after day they pour forth speech… Night after night they reveal knowledge…"

The Alter-Ego jumped upwards, and the Ruler let go, clinging onto the grand form of Typhon.

The Ruler stabbed her sword into the pulsating core.

The sword she had never swung once- she had used only her banner leading up to this point. For once her sword was drawn... that signaled the beginning of her end... her second Noble Phantasm.

Her body was tiny against the body of the dragon, truly minuscule, but the way mana was gathering around her, she was like a bright torch within the darkness. She continued to pray, as she gathered more and more magical energy into her being, preparing herself.

"My heart burns inside with the flames of devotion. This is where I meet my end. My destiny now runs it course. My life's dream has reached its conclusion."

"I devote the only thing left to protect His way. O' Lord, with these flames of purity, take everything along with my body…--"

"…La Pucelle…!"

There was a massive explosion of flame. A gout of brilliant fire that burned like the sun, enveloping the massive dragon as it roared- but ever-louder was the proud shout of the Ruler, a bellow of a woman determined to put everything she had into even rendering the god-killer able to be 'killed'. Wars were not won without losses- victories not without sacrifices- that was the unjust nature of this world as it currently stood.

However-- Jeanne d'Arc was no stranger to death, nor sacrifice. So to burn for a future that humanity believed in, even if couldn't see it herself, she would immolate herself a thousand times over!

There was a pause, as the flame died down. A fragile form weakly began to fall to the ground, as the giant began to shudder and creak, limbs adjusting as it returned to life. However, it's hide had been horrible shattered, and blood oozed and sloughed out from where the Ruler had triggered her Noble Phantasm.

"Miss Ruler...! No... no... It didn't work…?!"

"No… Ruler did it! It's vulnerable! Any conceptual defenses it may have had… her flames burned them away! To burn away a divine layer of protection granted by Gaia herself to one of her children… what an immensely powerful Noble Phantasm!"

"Well, now that we're sure it can die, that just means we can't let this chance go to waste! It's readying another attack, heads up!"

"…Om Sri Ganeshaya Namah…"

The MoonCancer whispered, before beginning to run forward. Typhon reared his heads back, three heads each preparing a powerful blast of mana that could end everything. She leaped into the air, her form glowing as another shape began to expand out of her. A massive god, with the head of an elephant and four mighty arms-- the great form of Ganesha-- manifested around her, translucent and bright. It headbutted the godkilling dragon, before each of the four arms clamped on tightly.

The smug, excited voice of the MoonCancer holding the divine title of 'Ganesha' echoed through the chamber, laughing heartily.

"Nice try, you knockoff Maldragora! But you're not the only one who can get big! Behold my improvised Noble Phantasm, Ganesha Impact: Pilot Mode! The immense weight-- I mean pressure-- of this super god is something even you can't fight against!"

' DIVINE SPIRIT… DETECTED… TRIGGERING NEGA-KERAUNOS… '

Red and black streaks of lightning began to form around Typhon, as the divine manifestation held tightly.

"Oh, what now? You're about to use your super move? As if I'd let you finish your inputs! Besides, this is my chance to show off a new skill-- see, someone told me a real hero kills with their eyes!"

The massive ephemeral Ganesha's eyes flashed as two massive jets of light burned outward, the dragon letting out an echoing roar. Then, while two arms held the wings of the gargantuan dragon, two more arms reeled upwards and smashed downward, crashing into two of Typhon's heads. The possessed godkiller let out a terrifying growl, wing-jets flaring with crackling energy before a massive explosion rocketed outwards, the Ganesha effigy shattering like glass as the MoonCancer went flying backwards, slamming into the wall with a heavy thud before falling to the ground, the magical energy around her fading.

Seeing the massive god vanish, the Gunner instantly snapped into action, pointing at the wounded dragon.

"Pseudo-Noble Phantasm, activate! Strange God: Arahabaki! Suppressive fire, Kiheitai! We're going all out! You hear me?!"

You could see the Spirit Origin of the Gunner-class Servant crumbling under the weight of the Noble Phantasm he was using. A deluge of gunfire rained upwards at the massive dragon. Such beasts were far before his time- he was a man of the future, and Typhon was a thing of the past. So, to have the glory of being part of the team to lay such an entity low… there was no fate more interesting for Takasugi Shinsaku!

"Fire! Fire! Fire! Don't let up! We can't let up! Not even for a second!"

The assistance of the Ancient God and the Mother of Monster's spawn was appreciated as well, though he pushed his thoughts on how to recreate such immense divine power down. Being surrounded by the superweapons of Greece was distracting, but he had a job to do.

Another streak of dark lightning roiled, scraping across the ground as it sent his men scattering. He watched, gritting his teeth before the lightning surged through him, the massive arms of his mechanical marvel thrown upwards in an attempt to defend, as he and his machine were consumed in a blast- the Gunner's body crashing to the ground.

"Forget about someone, Typhon? Waltz… étoile!"

Like hail raining relentlessly from the heavens, the Alter-Ego struck. Her bladed legs cleaved into one of the eyes of the massive divine beast, as it roared and swung at her with an all-encompassing hand. Her movements were beautifully swift, as she leapt from one head to another, driving her spiked knees in whenever she had the chance, carving blood out from the dragon like sap from a tree.

Like a swan, she flew through the air-- however, the dragon swiftly adapted-- the dancer getting caught by the jaws of the beast.

However, rather than a yell of agony, one could hear the Alter-Ego cackling with smug glee, as the dragon's attention was firmly affixed on her.

"You... idiot..."

The Alter-Ego whispered, teeth digging into her body.

"Now… do it… now!"

She screamed, a signal far too unsubtle for her tastes, but she was in a position where being picky wasn't an option.

The dragon's attention was yanked away from the fluttering white of the Alter-Ego's attire, but it was a moment too late. Two forms stood a distance away, their bodies glowing with pure, intense prana.

"The legend hidden in the mountain of the Messiah… The despair seen by those without a god…"

"I will guide people's dreams and people's wishes… Let's bring them all to the sea of the distant stars…"

"For these are the flames of purification…!"

"Some day, we will finally reach that place…"

"PARADIS… CHÂTEAU D'IF!"

"…Pale… Blue… Dot…!"

Like a rushing shadow, the Avenger appeared before the dragon, and began to ensnare Typhon's soul.

Like a burning star, the Voyager manifested before the dragon, and began to unburden Typhon's soul.

However, the two Noble Phantasms did not exist in a contradictory state, but simultaneously. A Noble Phantasm that would entrap the dark curse, and finally put the grand monster at peace.

Their Noble Phantasms collided with the massive form of Typhon, the power of two mighty Heroic Spirits, who both hinged their lives on hope. They had no tricks, no gods of fate to assist their wills-- they simply had their ambition… and their hope. And with a great scream from both of them, that would turn the vocal chords of an ordinary human to a bloody pulp, they pushed all the mana that they had within their forms.

Finally, in a moment that could only be described as a 'man-made miracle', the dragon let out one final roar as it faded away into the massive torrent of mana.

[nikethestatue]

In my opinion people hate acofas for three reasons: 1. Feyre deciding to start trying for a baby with Rhys. They can’t stand that she became a young mother and that hatred continues to this day. 2. Elriel moments. Elucien was officially dead in the water and elriel was sailing. 3. Characters, especially Rhys, being mean to their favs. Whether it’s Tamlin or Nesta.

I know the fandom changed a lot in 2021 and that was the beginning of the end, but I also think you can trace a lot it back to 2018. I noticed people started getting more “anti” Feysand (because of Rhys’s “meanness” and for the pregnancy decision). Which continues to this day, people think Rhys was too mean in ACOSF and people belittle Feyre and hate that she had a baby in ACOSF, and they call her horrible misogynistic things. Obviously some people didn’t like elriel then and they hate them now. People started to feel sympathy for Tamlin then and they stan him now. People started to be “team Nesta” or “team Feyre” and I know you love Nesta but I think there is now a type of “Nesta stan” now that… we all know about and avoid lol. So I think these factions have roots in the ACOFAS era. It’s just x100 now. In my mind, the fandom falls into two categories. Category 1 is feysand lovers, elriel lovers, people who look at the text closely and have high reading comprehension, people who love most or all the main characters, dislike ACOSF, like ACOFAS, favorite book is ACOMAF.. and category 2 is gwynriel lovers, Nesta stans, people who yap a lot on tik tok, come up with crack theories they believe aren’t crack, people who read too much into certain phrases, people who hate the main characters except like 2, Azriel stans, favorite book is ACOSF, hate ACOFAS. I know not everyone falls into these categories but I think ACOFAS was the start of this divide.

All this to say I think the hate for ACOFAS is based on pretty petty, and sometimes harmful, reasons. I don’t really think it’s based on “there was no plot.” I think they didn’t like the direction acotar was going in that everyone didn’t girlboss their way into the sunset, and there remained conflicts between characters and feysand was starting the next chapter of their immortal lives. I love ACOFAS and it’s a red flag to me if someone hates it.

I think I would agree with this. I think the fraction of Feyre vs Nesta became pretty apparent after ACOFAS.

Overall, I've come to realize that Elriel and Feysand stans are more cerebral in their reactions and their arguments. Gwynriel and Nessian are intensely emotional, where 'feelings' trump any rationality and common sense, and forget canon. And Eluciens only care about Lucien, so everything else is irrelevant. That's why 94% of all debates end up with Gwynriels blocking the other person, because emotions take over and it's as if they can't deal with the argument.

To me, the whole 'don't read ACOFAS it has nothing to offer!' call to action from GAs is very telling. I, or any Elriel, would NEVER and have NEVER told a new reader not to read ACOSF or Azriel's bonus. We don't care. We have enough evidence that we don't need to hide a whole book because the book is 'inconvenient' towards our ship.

Elriels also don't prosthelytize on every platform and preach the Gospel of Elriel. We don't care. We don't descend in droves on every newbie and start screaming 'BUT DID YOU READ THE BONUS CHAPTER!?!?!" Elriel is endgame regardless of how many faithful adherents it has. We just enjoy the pairing because it's a good pairing. And it's canon.

[orenji-iro-no-sora]

Thoughts on TGCF Vol 3

Vol 1 | Vol 2| Vol 3| Vol 4| Vol 5| Vol 6| Vol 7| Vol 8

*Spoilers*

Arc 2: Heart as gentle as a flower

I didn't talk much about the second arc in the last post because most of everything happened in the third volume and I wanted to keep it all together.

To me, this arc was the hardest to read up till now. I was wishing for it all to end which was a sentiment that took over Xie Lian as well as his confidence in what it means to do the right thing waned with the progression of Xianle-Yongan conflict. While in the beginning, he believed wholeheartedly that saving someone, doing something was still better than nothing at all, by the end of it, it was clear that much of his suffering had been futile.

It truly was a hopeless conflict, I reflected a lot on what could be done, what really is the right thing to do and in the end there were no answers. In the face of destiny, there's not much anyone can do and as the state preceptor said: when humans ascend, they're still humans. Gods are still humans, they don't know better and they can't save anyone. Only people believed that Xie Lian should be invincible. He wasn't and could never be.

I applaud MXTX for her depiction of the events as something genuinely unstoppable with so many factors that it becomes paralysing to take any decisions. Having kindness and compassion for all means that making 'necessary' sacrifices is unacceptable as there's nothing, no act in this world that's wholly beneficial, it'll harm someone or something. There's no pure goodness.

Xie Lian did his best though, all his decisions were deliberate, rooted in his virtue, kindness and his desire to save people. He walked the walk, it just didn't make any difference. He was too young to have faced it all and by the end of it, the exhaustion and the inadequacy of his powers caught up to him.

Death isn't something that is deserved/undeserved, it's not punishment that the innocents must be protected from. It simply is and that I think is the most important lesson here.

Qi Rong and the Human Face Disease

Qi Rong was a nuisance from the start. He really brings out the worst in Xie Lian (sibling effect). Out of everyone, he believed too much in Xie Lian's indestructibility and it's not shocking that he ended up hating him so, commissioning those disrespectful statues, inciting the populace to blame him for it all, burning his mother's corpse and possessing Guzi's father. Hua Cheng's hate for him makes complete sense. Xie Lian feeding him his deathly congee was hilarious though.

I didn't realise the severity of Human Face Disease when it was first mentioned in Vol 1. But arc 2 really presented it as one of the creepiest fictional diseases I've ever read. It's the most horrific manifestation of unjust death and I'm just glad it's not a real life thing.

Mu Qing, Feng Xin and The Three Tumors

Seeing the relationship the Xianle trio shared with each other, I finally understood the awkwardness in their interactions during the first volume. While Feng Xin is fairly easy to understand (loyal, faithful, straightforward), I think Mu Qing is one of the most interesting characters. He's insecure but decisive, he respects Xie Lian but also envies him. To him, the end justifies the means which is in complete contradiction to Xie Lian who wants justice at all levels. There are so many complicated emotions between them and the way they go about it is entertaining to read. I hope they can clear out the misunderstanding as we progress further in the story.

The interactions between the Heavenly Officials, especially the Three Tumors, were unexpectedly funny. Every official is multi-dimensional and has a unique personality. It really offered the much needed light-heartedness after the misery of the second arc. I also really like the Wind Master. He's friendly, even when he messes up in shielding Xie Lian from others (poor guy has bad timings). I am looking forward to how they'll deal with the Reverend.

Side note- Ming Yi focused only on the feast is so me lol.

Hua Cheng's unwavering devotion, first kiss, Ruoye vs eming

I didn't expect them to have met so many times. They really were connected throughout their lives. Out of everyone, I think he was the only one who reciprocated Xie Lian's kindness and consideration.

In my heart, you are god! You are the only god, the one true god! Do you hear me?!”

He fulfilled his promise of building the most extravagant temple for Xie Lian and celebrating him with plays and three thousand lanterns. (XL is the light of his life after all). They're so cute and they finally kissed!! Underwater too!! It was still weird though. Just as weird as Xie Lian's heat from the Land of the Tenders. I don't know what I think about it all except for it reminded me of the awkwardness of Mo Dao Zu Shi.

Another cute thing was Ruoye showing off in front of Eming as he cut vegetables for Xie Lian's poisonous soup (?). Them competing against each other and puffing out when Xie Lian praised them was the highlight for me.

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E23 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

If you want to start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/location cheat sheet

Fengxian: Maomao's courtesan mother

The show opens on Maomao's mother, who is in the late stages of her illness, delusional, softly singing a lullaby while moving around some Go pieces. Is she thinking of the past? The lover that she lost, or the baby that she had?

So the box that Maomao requested was a game. The English dub just calls it Chess, but I think it's called Shogi or the Chinese equivalent. Please correct me if I'm wrong. She challenges Lakan to a competition, who is giddy with delight. They will play best out of 5, no handicaps, and they call their prize before they begin.

Lakan: If I manage to best you. I want you to come and live with me.

Jinshi does NOT like that. Gaoshun reminds him that he promised not to interfere, but Lakan can't take his girl! Don't worry yet Jinshi, Maomao wouldn't be so bold if she didn't think she could win this bet. Have faith!

Lakan learns that Maomao is still under contract to work for Jinshi, and he makes a rude implication that has Jinshi grinding his molars.

And I think this is kind of weird. Just what does Lakan think or feel about his daughter? I don't know if he truly believes that there is something amorous going on between Maomao and Jinshi, but he's totally fine with implying that there is. They are talking about her contract here, and the implication that is being made is that Jinshi bought out Maomao's courtesan contract so that he could bring her to his house to service him solely. We the viewer know it's not true, and Lakan may have been able to pick up enough clues to realize it's not true, but still his joke is a weird one for a father to make. Is it just to get under Jinshi's skin? Or is it possible that he believes his daughter is truly acting as a courtesan? We know that Lakan has had dealings with courtesans in the past, and I'm glad he doesn't seem to have any prejudice against them and the work they do. Yet. I kind of thought maybe his whole reason for wanting to get Maomao to come live with him, was that he was trying to protect her from that work. Am I missing something here? Because it seems that's not the case. So if he doesn't want Maomao for her own sake, then he wants her for his own purposes. Which are??? Use her as another piece to maneuver? That doesn't seem quite right either, since she is the only one he doesn't see as a game piece. I don't know what this indecipherable man wants.

Maomao on the other hand wants Lakan to buy out an aging courtesan from the Verdigris House. Her delirious mother I assume. If that's her goal... is it really a good idea to put Maomao's mother into Lakan's care? Is he going to take care of her? It seems like if he intended to take care of her, he would have already stepped forward to do so. I know Maomao doesn't care about her mother, but she does take care of her when she visits the Verdigris House. Surely she wouldn't entrust any person to Lakan if she thought he would be a neglectful caregiver. I guess I just have to trust that Maomao knows these people better than I do, because this to me seems like a bad idea all the way around.

Maomao also adds a drinking element to the game, that includes poison. Also, if someone quits for any reason, they lose.

Lakan and Maomao are relaxed as they play, but Jinshi is worried. He doesn't like the terms or the rules of this game. Maomao loses the first round and is forced to drink, and Jinshi is the one sweating it. When she loses the second match, Jinshi starts to panic.

Lakan doesn't want to risk that Maomao might be poisoned by drinking a third cup, so he throws a game to drink one. If he drinks one that contains poison than he will know that Maomao is safe to lose her third game.

The cup that Lakan drinks from is poisoned, and he is not tolerating it well. Actually, the alcohol is far worse for Lakan than any medicine that Maomao may have added. Lakan famously abstains, and has no tolerance for alcohol. It's why he carries fruit juice with him everywhere.

So did Lakan know it was alcohol when he decided to drink it or did he think it tasted bad because of the medicine Maomao added? Either way, he agreed to the terms of the game and he has now lost the bet. Maomao never had to beat him at chess, she only had to risk drinking poison with a straight face which is an everyday activity for Maomao. Lakan lost the moment he agreed to play by Maomao's rules.

The show takes us back to see a young Lakan. He has hardcore face blindness, which makes for some very disturbing animation. Since he couldn't connect with people he devoted his time to playing Go and Chess. His uncle encourages him to identify people as chess pieces. His family name gets him a military position and Lakan tells us the following.

Lakan: Of all the games I've played. Chess with human pieces was the most fun I've ever had.

Chilling.

Lakan's inability to view people's humanity is frightening. Dangerous. A person without empathy. It's no wonder Maomao wants nothing to do with this man.

I do understand that Lakan's inability to recognize faces affects his ability to connect with other people, but wow, that's a whole lot different than viewing them as pawns you can manipulate for fun. I'm sure he was a brilliant strategist for the military, but the fact that he delighted in it, demonstrates his lack of humanity.

We learn that a courtesan named Fengxian from Verdigris House easily trounced Lakan in a game of Go. Finally he can see a human face. For years they played Go or Chess, slowly getting to know one another while they play.

Fengxian: A woman did give birth to me, but I have no mother. Because in the Pleasure District, a woman can never be a mother.

A pretty clear description of Fengxian's views on motherhood. If she maintained this view when she had her own daughter, then we can understand just what Maomao might have been dealing with. Also, didn't Maomao say something similar when she described Fengxian as the woman who birthed her?

Maomao: Maybe it's love. But if that's the case. It's not a rabbit hole I want to delve into. That's an emotion I'm sure I left behind. Back in the womb of the woman who birthed me. (Episode 18)

At the time I wrote that comment off to be because Maomao had experienced neglect, abuse or abandonment from her mother, which I do think is likely, however, Maomao's view of motherhood is perhaps not too different than Fengxian's. That a woman can never be a mother in the Pleasure District may be a common belief, but it isn't universal, because we saw the princesses, Pairin in particular, step up to fill the mother's role for Maomao.

Maomao has trash parents, but lovely found family.

Lakan tells us that Fengxian's price increased as she became more in demand. From then Lakan could rarely afford to meet with Fengxian.

Upon one visit Lakan learns that someone has bought out Fengxian's contract. She seems disappointed that she won't be able to meet with Lakan again. She makes a bet with him, with the highest stakes possible. Whoever wins, can take whatever they want from the other.

Lakan: Quite suddenly, a terrible thought crossed my mind.

He's thinking about that notorious way to lower the value of a courtesan isn't he? Just what is it that Fengxian wants from Lakan, I wonder? She has to know that he can't afford her contract. Could it be that she also wants to lower her value to avoid being bought out by someone else?

Lakan chooses to play Go, which we remember from an earlier episode that he could never defeat her in. Did he do this to give her the chance to ask something of him? To prevent himself from following through on that terrible thought that crossed his mind?

He does recognize that it's not right to impregnant a woman to lower her value. Is this because he has real feelings for Fengxian or that he simply acknowledges that it's manipulative? Does he think it's terrible because he would have to take responsibility for a child that is born this way? Or is it just terrible because time in bed would be a waste when they could be playing board games?

They never make it to the end of the game. Instead they sleep with each other and Fengxian tells Lakan that she wants to keep playing Go. She, like Lakan, likely has trouble connecting with other people. That they are well matched in intellect is like seeing another human for the first time. Everyone else is beneath them, not even human.

I'm convinced now that this was a tactical move from both of them. After all, Fengxian dismissed Meimei before they even started playing. Win or lose she was counting on sleeping with Lakan.

Lakan: There were no sweet words offered from Fengxian, nor from me for that matter. So in a way you could say we had similar natures.

Do these two care about each other at all or is it just that they don't express it? I have my doubts.

As Lakan is drifting off to sleep Fengxian sings a song, which I can only assume is the same one she tried to hum the day Maomao was in the annex to care for her. It is the same song from earlier in this episode where we see her in the present day playing with Go pieces on her bed. So her present day delusions are all about returning to this time which was the best period of her life. Before she had a baby, Before she cause syphilis, and everything fell apart.

But what is with singing the song in the past? I dipped into the Japanese with English sub to check the faithfulness of the translation:

Sleep, my baby, sleep. Where is she? She cries. Little birds are so innocent. Off they fly to somewhere far.

I'm not the best at interpreting poetry, so maybe someone else can help me with these lyrics. On it's surface it seems like a typical lullaby, but it could be taken as being about a loss of innocence since the innocent little birds fly away. Or perhaps since the birds leave, it could be about a desire for freedom? Both meanings could apply to Fengxian in this moment.

Wow. Okay. So Luomen is Lakan's uncle. I didn't see that coming. So there are blood ties between Maomao and Luomen.

In a fit of embarrassment and anger at Luomen's exile, Lakan's father also sends Lakan abroad. Fengxian's contract fell through and she made sure to alert Lakan, but it's not something he can deal with before his trip. It seems he intended to return to her, but it took three years before he could finally come back. He is greeted by a pile of letters. And a desiccated severed finger. A way to curse someone apparently. And there are two fingers there, a tiny one as well. What the fuck did Fengxian do? I suppose that this explains the nightmare Maomao had when she saw her mother with a knife. Does this have something to do with Maomao's twisted little finger? Did her finger get chopped off and reattached?

Fengxian took a chance when she decided to sleep with Lakan, and it destroyed her life. She ended up pregnant, which may have been okay, if Lakan had been there to buy her out when her value crashed. She was counting on him, and he wasn't there. It wasn't his fault, I think he would have bought her out if he was there, but the timing of everything was catastrophic for Fengxian. I suppose she didn't know he was out of the country, and her hatred grew, hence the finger severing curse. With that level of hatred I suppose it means she must have cared about Lakan, or perhaps she's just pissed that her plan fell through.

Lakan feels like a dumbass, which for a narcissist like him, is really saying something. He was so focused on playing Go and Chess that he didn't try to think of other ways to solve Fengxian and his problems, like impregnating her. Huh? Okay, I had that pegged wrong earlier. So then he must have thought his one night together with Fengxian was something special.

We get to see granny beating Lakan with a broom. She accuses him of not caring about a worthless courtesan and tells him that she's gone. She lost all of her value after being pregnant, and her actions hurt the reputation of the brothel. She had to take clients like a streetwalker where she contracted syphilis.

Lakan is too late to get what he wants from Fengxian. His fantasy with the high class courtesan ended when she lost her value and reputation. Now she is in a dire state, disgraced, diseased. So Lakan is distressed, but... fuck this guy.

l get that things fell apart while he was gone, but Fengxian is still alive at this point. She has a disease, but presumably she won't lose her mental capabilities until later down the line. He could still play Go with her. And even if she had lost her mind, fuck this guy! Does he really not care at all about her because of the things that have happened to her? He has zero capacity for actual love, like a psychopath. Many people become caregivers to the people they love when they become incapacitated. Only the shittiest walk away. Fengxian lost her reputation, her value, and her health, and Lakan is upset that she no longer fits into the perfect vision he had of her. Like seriously. FUCK. THIS. GUY!

I realize this is a HOT TAKE. And I stand ready to be corrected. But based on all I have seen thus far, Lakan is still a pretty shitty dude. I saw someone mention in a comment on one of these blogs about Lakan stans. At the time I thought to myself how the hell are there Lakan stans? It made me think that there was probably more to his story than I had seen up to that point. Well here is more, but it wasn't enough to make me like this character.

I could probably be convinced that he had real feelings for Fengxian, but then where the hell has he been all these years? Is it that Fengxian hated him and didn't want to see him? That she sent him severed fingers in an attempt to curse him would support that.

My opinion on Lakan still stands, even if Lakan loves Fengxian, and Maomao, and has been doing all he can to get back to them, he's still a shitty guy that seems to lack basic empathy. Like, he will only treat someone as a person if he is personally invested? I can't like a person like that.

Back to the present time, Lakan wakes up in Verdigris House and Meimei kindly tends to him. Apparently after he forfeited his game with Maomao by blacking out drunk, he was deposited here to fulfill his end of the bargain.

Is the fact that Fengxian's illness has progressed to delusions now allowed her to forget about her hatred of Lakan? She was seen tying to play Go and singing an old lullaby in the beginning; is she thinking fondly of old times? Does Maomao think now that Fengxian is more out of her mind, she would be willing to see Lakan? Regardless, she's about to end up with him now.

Maomao concocted a bitter beverage for Lakan and gifts him a dried blue rose. Maomao's message: leave the people I care about alone.

After all, Lakan requested blue roses from Jinshi, a nearly impossible thing for him to procure. Maomao made it happen because she didn't want to let Lakan get away with trying to manipulate Jinshi. The roses were all a ploy to draw Maomao out, which it did, but only for her to defend Jinshi and send a message to Lakan to back off.

The rose Maomao left for Lakan is dried. From an earlier time perhaps. Maybe blue roses were a tradition at Verdigris House or something that Fengxian knew the secret to. Perhaps the the blue rose simply represents Fengxian, and Maomao gifts it to Lakan to represent the meaning behind her bet, I'm giving Fengxian to you. There is a secondary meaning here that I don't know the meaning of. But Lakan does.

Cut to Maomao riding in a carriage with the always cheery Basan, where she pulls out a blue rose bud. Is this the bud she helped grow and create for the Garden Party or a dried one from the past? Is she thinking about whatever connection the blue rose has to her mother or is she thinking about what she did to grow these roses for Jinshi? Is she hoping that her message to Lakan will be enough to protect Jinshi and anyone else he may target? Enough to get Lakan out of her life?

I truly hope that this is the last episode with Lakan's POV. I hope to never see these faceless animations ever again.

If you want to read these from the beginning:

Episode 1

Next episode:

Episode 24

[imminent-danger-came]

Why do you think s4 lmk is sometimes seen as a drop-off in writing quality compared to earlier seasons?

IS IT REALLY. That's so funny, I personally think s4 elevated lmk's writing to unbelievably high levels. It recontextualized previous seasons in ways that cemented my faith in lmk's writing team, and proved to me that this wasn't just going to be good, it was going to be GREAT, an honest to god masterpiece.

I find that the more complex the writing, when things like love and devotion aren't put into "good" or "bad" boxes, when characters are hypocrites and things develop in a way people don't like (it doesn't make them "feel good" but the writing itself is solid), that's when people start to say things like "the writing's gotten worse". I've seen plenty of takes for characters like Wukong and Viren (from The Dragon Prince), where folks want to boil down the mess and the complexity into "the writers don't know how to write this character," when the truth is the opposite. Sometimes, characters say one thing and do another and that's on purpose, thank you. Sometimes, characters mean well and have good intentions, but they still suck. Writing like that is fucking awesome.

(Big Owl House rant incoming, turn back now if you're not interested in that)

It's not really a surprise to me that something like The Owl House, where the characters are fairly one note and everything is said out loud and the themes are much more simplistic, is/was far more popular. Obviously, I don't want to shame anyone or make people feel bad for loving toh—like it's great if you love it, keep doing that—but I do think that objectively, toh has pretty weak writing (which honestly doesn't/doesn't have to determine how much you love it).

I was discussing this with a few friends last night, how with toh, the implications are hardly thought through, and characters aren't viewed beyond the role they can serve in the episode or the arc. Like, I think of the beginning of Hollow Mind, where King says "No one wants to believe they've spent their life following the wrong person", which is fine, it's something that could be interesting given the proper execution, but when you analyze it deeper, try to find the consistent character thread...it doesn't make any actual sense for King or the development he went through at the beginning of s2. Had he said something along the lines of "No one wants to believe they've spent their life following a lie", now THAT ties directly into the lie he believed for his whole life, and to King as a character. But that's not what happened, and that's never what happened in toh.

Even with Belos, the main villain, it's clear the writers wanted Grim Walker angst for Hunter, but they didn't want to explore the implications of Belos recreating his brother over and over again. So at that point, it's like...why not just have Hunter be adopted? Why have him be a grimmwalker at all if it's not something we're going to explore deeper on Belos' end?

Needless to say, lmk isn't like that. If a character has dialogue or a scene, it's going to contribute to our perception of them and their internal motivations. If Pigsy is worried about his relation to his ancestors in s4, and what that says about him, we can actually trace that back to 2x04: tradition matters to Pigsy, and it's a huge part of his heart, identity, and life. Of COURSE Pigsy is affected when he learns his ancestor was someone he doesn't like, someone who tried to eat the love of his life. He even tries to comfort MK with what he thinks is a shared experience, and it's AGH. It's so good

If something is established in lmk, it's expanded upon. Hell, even the Mayor of all characters was given his own spotlight outside of LBD. He even has a direct parallel to Azure—following and giving service to an Emperor before becoming disillusioned and changing loyalty to the person that will bring about real change: their Lady and their King.

Anyways,

I went on a super long tangent. I can't truly know why some people think of lmk s4 as a drop-off in writing quality, but those are some thoughts from me to you!

[amberlynnmurdock]

Blind Faith (Epilogue)

Epilogue: An Oath

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: A familiar face appears on the day of your Bar Admission Ceremony.

A/N: Wow. Finally, the end of Blind Faith. I'm honestly emotional about it, I can't believe I can mark this series complete! Seriously, thank you to all who have been here since July and for reading--it truly means a lot to me. I hope you love this last chapter <3.

Ao3 Link

Flashback to Sunday Evening

FOGGY’S VOICEMAIL: Matt, where the hell have you been?! I've been trying to call you since Friday night! I saw the news about Zack… that had to have been you. Is __ okay? Where is she? Call me back as soon as you can—Karen and I are worried. 

Matt sighed as he clicked the message off. He was still standing by the doorway you just left out of. He couldn’t muster the strength to leave the space you once lingered. He stood there and leaned against the wall… the wall he just kissed you against. 

He called Foggy. 

“Jesus, Matt, now you can call me?” Foggy cursed over the line. “What the hell happened?”

“A lot,” Matt sighed, turning his hand into a fist. “You should come over so we can talk about it. Maybe bring Karen as well.” 

“Okay,” Foggy sighed, “is __ alright?”

“She is now,” Matt answered, as he finally heard you enter a cab from outside. “She’s on her way home.”

“She was at your apartment? What the hell, Matt… you have a lot of explaining to do. And no bullshit. Karen and I deserve to know the truth.” 

“I know,” Matt didn’t have the energy to argue with his friend. He sighed, leaned his forehead against the wall, and deeply breathed. “I’ll tell you the truth.”

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓

Foggy and Karen weren’t happy with what Matt told them, which was the truth. 

“Jesus, Matt…” Foggy shook his head. “I don’t even know where to begin. You—you and __ have been together since this summer, and she didn’t know, but you knew, and now she found out because Zack—Jesus,” Foggy pinched his temples as he processed what Matt confessed. 

Karen was silent, like she always was when Matt revealed a big revelation. He remembers the time he told Karen his secret like it was yesterday, and the way she acted then was close to how she is now. Hunched, biting her nails, furrowed brows. Her heart pounding in her chest. Out of anger or confusion, he didn’t know. 

“Karen?” He called her name softly. 

She glared at him. Matt didn’t need to see to know she was. 

“I’m upset we lost a good employee because of your lies,” Karen stated. “I’m upset she couldn’t talk to any of us about it. I completely understand why she wouldn’t want to come back.” 

“You can reach out to her,” Matt suggested. “She would probably like that.”

“I’ll probably write her recommendation letter for Columbia if she still needs it,” Foggy added. “I just—I can’t believe Zack almost—Jesus. I hope he gets disbarred.”

“He will,” Matt said instantly, “I’m sure of it.” 

“For what it’s worth,” Karen began to say, “I’m glad you were there to save her.”

“Me too,” Foggy said. 

Matt nodded his head, “I knew it was bad news. I just didn’t know he was going to try to do that.”

“Who took care of her when you took her back here?” Karen asked.

“Claire,” Matt sighed. “She hooked her up to an IV.”

“And what did you guys—you know what, never mind,” Foggy stopped himself from asking an obvious question. Matt shifted uncomfortably on the couch. 

After another few drinks and conversation with his friends, Foggy and Karen left Matt’s apartment. He laid on his bed, on the side you slept on the entire weekend. Your scent was still there. Even if it wouldn’t last for long, the memories he made with you and the way you made him feel, would last an eternity for him. 

And despite his best efforts to move on, he was never going to stray far. 

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓

“I was happy to see your name in our applications,” Geri Hogarth said as she poured herself a glass of seltzer water. You watched as the bubbles rose in the glass. “Would you like a glass?”

“No, thank you,” you gently declined. “I was really happy to see you guys looking for a legal assistant. And it works perfectly you’re so close to Columbia.”

“Congratulations on getting in, by the way!” Geri cheered with her glass. You blushed. 

“Thank you. I’m really excited to be working here, along with you, Marci, the other colleagues.”

“You’re going to learn a lot here. But I’m curious—Mr. Nelson and Mr. Murdock are really fine attorneys—what made you want to leave?”

Wasn’t that the question, you thought? 

“I felt it was time for me to move on and explore new opportunities—get as much experience at different firms as I could,” you answered, which was true, in many ways. “I’m… grateful for my experience there. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for them.”

“Good,” Geri agreed, “I won't ever forget the first firm I ever worked at. It really builds you as a person in your career.”

“It sure does,” you smiled. “So, when do I start training?”

And you would start training at Hogarth, Chao & Benowitz that following Monday. And you would work there for the entire length of your law school years. 

Eventually, the past became the past, but it didn’t mean you wouldn’t think of him every now and then. A thought of him was behind every alley way at night. A thought of him was behind every second thought you put into going on a date with someone new. It never was more than a thought, but it was enough to make you feel a certain way—a true longing for something that could’ve been. You could never look at rooftops the same, or black coffee, or even a church. There was always Matthew behind all of that. 

And little did you know, he was there, all along. 

Three Years Later

New York County Supreme Court 

A cold day in Manhattan. One of those mornings, the moment you stepped outside, you were chilled to the bone. But today was an exciting day: after finally passing the Bar Exam, you were to be sworn in officially as an attorney. A lot of sweat and tears went into this day—this day you knew would come all along. 

You stepped out of the cab and held your coat around your shoulders tighter as you looked up at the New York County Supreme Court in awe. There were two signs near the entrance. One read: CONGRATULATIONS! The other read: BAR ADMISSION CEREMONY. You watched as other people arrived at the court and stared in awe just as you were. You smiled at them all, wondering where they came from and what it took for them to get here as well. 

Finally, entering the courthouse was like seeing the Museum of Natural History. Nothing will compare to that feeling of seeing it for the first time. You followed the red velvet carpet down the hall and into the chamber where the ceremony would take place. There were ushers along the way who guided people to their designated seats. The Law Judge would call your names one by one and you would go up for a picture. 

Other people were here too, to support the new attorneys. Friends, families, colleagues. You spotted your parents and friends in the audience, as well as Geri Hogarth and your favorite professor from Columbia. When you caught their attention, you smiled and waved in excitement before taking your assigned seat. 

The Law Judge went up to the podium and gave a long speech about how important this day was for the future of justice. After a short while, he finally had all the new attorneys stand from their seats and hold their right hands up to take an oath and be sworn in. You raised your right hand and repeated the words in tandem with everyone else. 

“Now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, your class of new attorneys! When you hear your name, please come up to the podium for a picture and your certificate.” 

One by one, the assigned seats became empty as the newly sworn-in attorneys went up to get their certificates and pictures taken. The closer it got to your name being called, the faster your heart began to beat. You felt yourself sweat under your white button-up and blazer. You fixed your hair and pushed two strands behind your ears. 

Finally, your name was called. 

You smiled at the people you walked past and carefully walked up the stairs to meet the Law Judge, who held your certificate in his hands. He held his hand out for you to shake and pointed at the camera. You smiled at the camera, the flash blinding for you a moment. After it had faded, you searched the audience for your friends and family again and smiled when you caught their attention, holding up your certificate. 

You met them outside in the lobby of the courthouse, for more pictures and hugs. And amid all the congratulations, the smiles, the selfies, the jokes about being your friends’ future lawyer, you saw him. 

Walking out of the chambers you just were sworn in, you saw him. Donned in his gray suit, black tie, dark red glasses, and cane in hand. You saw him. 

He stood there, in the corner, away from the crowd. Cane standing straight, with two fists at the top. From that stance alone, you knew he knew you noticed him. 

“I’ll be right back,” you said to your friends, “I see someone I know.” 

Gravity pulled you in your path to Matt who waited for you to approach him. It was like seeing a vision, this image of him standing there and waiting for you. 

It’s been three long years. Three years of wondering what he was up to, and if he ever thought about you the way you fell asleep thinking of him. 

What were you to say? 

You looked at his appearance—not much has changed. If anything, he was more handsome now. His hair was styled nicely, he had a slight stubble. His hands, his knuckles—red. Not much has changed. 

“Congratulations, __, Esq.,” Matt smiled. To hear his voice after so many years—it still made your heart flutter. So many memories flashed in your mind, memories of Matt’s face being half covered, memories of those early mornings you spent, memories of being tangled in his sheets. 

“Thank you,” you answered. “How did you know—I guess the list of attorneys is public on the site.”

“It is,” Matt affirmed, “I—I hope you don’t mind I’m here.”

“Not at all,” you said. “I’m happy to see you. I told myself that I wouldn’t seek you out. I’d let—“

“Fate decide it,” Matt finished your sentence. “I remember… you once said that it was fate, how we kept running into each other.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise—he remembered. 

“Yeah,” you breathed out, “fate. But I’m not sure how much fate had to do with you searching the day of my admission.”

“You’re right,” Matt said. “Not much.”

“So, what have you been doing?” You asked.

“Same as always,” Matt replied. “I’d ask you the same but I know you graduated law school and now this.”

“Yes,” you affirmed, “law school, HC&B. Now I’m an attorney.”

“HC&B treating you well?” Matt couldn’t help but ask.

“They are,” you smiled. “I’ve learned a lot from Geri.” Things I wished I learned from you.

“Good,” Matt grinned. “Foggy and Karen miss you.”

“Last time I spoke with Foggy was about my letter of recommendation,” you nodded. “I miss them, too. So much has happened, so much time has passed.” 

“__,” Matt said your name in a low voice. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” you said softly, letting your guard down completely. It was like you were waiting for him to say those words. The moment you left him has haunted you to this day. “I… thought about you. All the time. In everything I did.” 

“I did too,” he muttered.

“I kept your secret,” you suddenly said before you could think, “I realized I never made sure of that with you.”

“I trusted you,” Matt nodded his head. “I wasn’t worried.” 

“So… why are you here? Why now?” You asked him. 

“Well, I wanted to support you. And… I wanted to know… if enough time has passed,” Matt gently said. “I know—I know I hurt you. And I know you needed time to heal and move on. So I came here, to ask you, will you give me another chance, to make things right?”

Enough time had certainly passed. And each day that went on, the less hurt you felt and the more longing you felt for Matt. The more you wondered what would happen the next time you saw him—which was right now. Would you give him another chance? 

“Now that you’re here in front of me, I can honestly say that I have faith again,” you whisper, “so yes, Matt. I will give you another chance.”

Matt smiled. “If I could take an oath right now, to ensure I will make it right, I would. But instead,” Matt reached in his pockets to grab something. When he pulled out the cross necklace he gave you all those years ago, your heart dropped and now you felt tears brim around your eyes. “I want you to have this again.”

You took the cross necklace from his hand. He wrapped the thread around your fingertips, placing the cross in your palm and closing your hand to cover it. 

“I promise I won’t hurt you like I did before,” Matt said gently, “my oath to you.”

And you held onto his cross necklace like you would hold onto his oath. Faith had finally come back. 

TAGS: @starry-night-20 @sumsytee @queerqueenlynn  @mattmurdocksstarlight @marvelcinematiquniverse @hailey-murdock @yeonalie(please let me know if I missed you!)

[averageanonymous]

Summary: Crowley realizes that the only way to save Aziraphale might be to follow his lead.

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

Crowley sits at the edge of the sea. Chalk-white cliffs stretch to either side of him. Salt-heavy wind tugs at his hair, his clothes, and he closes his eyes and breathes it deep into his lungs.

You could come back. To heaven.

His eyes snap open, yellow irises blown wide, erasing the humanity from his gaze. He bares his teeth, jaw clenching so hard it aches as the memories assault him, the same conversation on endless repeat behind his eyes. He grabs the first thing his hand touches, a large black stone, and hurls it. He watches it soar out over the ocean before it falls with barely a splash in the crashing waves.

"Damn it," he hisses, dropping his head into his hands, gripping fistfuls of his auburn hair until his scalp begins to protest. Seven days since Aziraphale left. It might as well have been months, years, for how the time seems to have stretched before him, well and truly alone for the first time in six millennia. His entire being aches vaguely, as though the absence of the angel tore something from him, ripped a hole somewhere within. It's the kind of wound that he knows won't heal. Not with time, or distance. Not with any distraction or attempt to forget.

He finally drops his hands back into his lap and sighs, a bone-deep, weary sigh that feels like it's dragging his very soul to the surface. He counters it with another deep inhale of the ocean-soaked air. When his eyes open again, the serpent has receded. He lifts his gaze to the sky, a muted blue studded with gray clouds that threaten rain.

"What were you thinking, angel," Crowley asks the sky in a hoarse voice, gravelly with disuse. He thinks of Aziraphale, in heaven, surrounded by the same feathered dicks that would have seen him exterminated in Hellfire, working with the damn Metatron, and his heart threatens to eject itself straight from his chest. "What the hell were you thinking?"

His every single instinct screams to Save Him. March straight into Heaven's hallowed halls and find the angel, throw him over his shoulder and take the elevator directly back to Earth, SAYONARA SUCKERS.

But he can't. His angel doesn't want to be saved. Not this time.

If I'm in charge... I can make a difference.

"Do you really think so," Crowley speculates idly to no one, "You think one angel, even an Archangel, even The Supreme Archangel, can stand in the way of the machine? Derail The Great Plan?" He shakes his head. Aziraphale is many things, intelligent to a fault, determined to the end. And the truth of it is that he's actually not an idiot. But he can't possibly believe... not really...

But he does, doesn't he. Because Aziraphale also has faith. And hope. And he does believe, believes with his whole soul, that there is goodness at the heart of Heaven, if he can just chisel through the thousands of years of crystallized corruption to get to it. To make a better world. A world where Heaven isn't standing over it - over them - with a flaming sword, ready to end everything.

A world where, maybe, they could be together.

Together. That's what he had said.

We can be together.

I need you.

Crowley grasps those words in his mind, clings to them like a lifeline, and holds them tight. Those words feel pure. They feel like truth. Aziraphale had to have known he would never return to Heaven. But he asked anyway. And he left despite Crowley's refusal to join him. Why?

Because, Crowley reminds himself, Aziraphale is an angel of principle. An angel who fights for what he believes in. Aziraphale is up there, fighting, right now. Crowley's hands tighten into fists. He feels his body shaking with the effort of trying to remain calm. It's not working.

Aziraphale is fighting, even though that meant he had to leave everything behind... Even though it meant leaving Crowley behind... He did it because it was the right thing to do.

Crowley gets to his feet abruptly. Aziraphale is fighting, and what is he doing? Maybe he can't be an angel himself, and maybe he can't steal his angel back from Heaven. But he doesn't have to sit around and wait for The End Of The World to happen. There is something he can do. If Aziraphale is determined to try to take down Upstairs from the inside, why can't he do the same from Downstairs? After all, Hell is absent its Grand Duke, and he always knew he would look damn good in a crown.

Crowley lets the Serpent take hold of him once again, golden eyes glowing, teeth sharpening into venom-soaked fangs. Snake skin accents his arms, creeps up the back of his neck, and his fingers are tipped with black claws. Finally, he allows his ink-black wings to unfurl. If he's going to be a Demon Prince of Hell, he had better look the part.

The wind gusts around him, and suddenly there is no one on the cliff overlooking the sea, and no sign anyone ever was, save a circle of scorched earth to mark the descension of a demon to Hell.

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this foray into my imagination.

This started as "Crowley sits on a cliff" and this is where it went. Which was a totally different direction than I'd initially imagined. I guess what it comes down to is that, while I love some Angsty Crowley, I don't want him to mope forever. And I don't want him to be stuck thinking Aziraphale left because he didn't love him. He knows Az better than that! And, to be honest, I LOVE the idea of Crowley as Az's celestial opposite, Grand Duke of Hell, taking on the system from both sides. Dunno. Sounds fun to me.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

how do you keep your faith even while such horrific things are going on in palestine? i've been a christian all my life and i understand that the question of why god allows suffering is one that people have always been asking, that we can never really know the answer to, but it's just so hard for me to see things like this, all of these innocent people being terrorized and murdered in such evil ways, and understand why god can't stop it from happening. in church we pray for both israel and palestine and it feels so pointless, and just makes me frustrated that i can't actually do anything to stop this. especially knowing that even bethlehem, the place of jesus's birth and home to many palestinian christians, is being attacked and churches are being bombed. it seems pretty clear that the people committing these atrocities are never going to open their hearts and stop, and the world leaders who would have the power to make them stop either don't care or directly support them. i do not want to believe that god doesn't exist, or that god would just sit by and watch all of this happen if it were possible to stop it, but it's such a struggle at times like this. i feel like it shouldn't be and like i should've had this figured out by now. it's okay if you don't answer this, i just love your blog and have learned a lot from it over the years, and am incredibly saddened by the state of the world right now.

Hey there, anon. I feel with you and stand with you in your struggle. I also gently suggest you work on letting go of the sense that you "should" have this figured out by now. Firstly because learning to release myself from "shoulds" is something my therapist taught me and it's been super helpful for showing myself love; secondly because I believe it is deeply, deeply faithful to ask these questions, to demand to know where God is in the face of evil — not just once, but continuously across our lives.

If at any point we think we have it "all figured out," if we think we've reached a fully satisfying solution to the problem of how a good God could "let" evil things happen, we're more likely to be numbed by fatalism or become complacent in the face of injustice. As Rabbi Jonathan Sacks (may his memory be a blessing) put it when asked why God lets bad things happen to good people,

“God does not want us to understand, because if we ever understood, we would be forced to accept that bad things happen to good people, and God does not want us to accept those bad things. He wants us not to understand, so that we will fight against the bad and the injustices of this world, and that is why there is no answer to that question.”

Ask the questions. Bring all that you feel — your grief, your confusion, your frustration, your doubt, your fear — to God. Study and pray and converse with others.

And while you're doing all that, and accepting that it'll be a lifelong exploration, act.

Let your love, your words, your actions be the divine response to injustice — because for whatever mysterious reason, God chooses to act through us, through all who follow Their call to "do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly" (Micah 6:8).

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So yeah, I can't tell you why God doesn't just jump in and stop the evil, why God seems to limit Their own power to intervene (or even to lack that power to begin with), why God respects our free will even when we misuse it to such great harm (though you can see the bottom of this post for places to explore all those questions).

But I can tell you where I believe God is in the midst of all the questions, all the loss, all the suffering — and that's not on some lofty throne indifferently observing our pain; God is right there in the midst of that pain.

Where is God in the face of hate, violence, death? God is co-suffering with us, shouldering the burden with us.

In Exodus 3:7, God says They don't only see the enslaved Hebrews' misery, don't only hear their cries, but that They know the people's suffering — an intimate knowing, as of one who experiences it themself.

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells us that when humanity fails to welcome the stranger, visit the prisoner, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, comfort the oppressed, we fail to do those things for him — for he identifies so intimately with all whom the world calls "least" that he is one with each and every one of them.

So I don't know why God doesn't just fix everything, dammit! — it's the first question I'll be asking Xir when I die, because wtf!!

But I do believe, and I do draw some comfort knowing, that God does not leave us to suffer alone. God is one with the oppressed; God shows ultimate solidarity to the oppressed; and God acts with each of us who act for and with and as the oppressed.

And the good news in the midst in this horror is that there are things that all of us can be doing to act in solidarity with the oppressed!

Our efforts truly are making a difference. Politicians and whole governments across the globe have been startled by the resistance to pro-Israeli propaganda and solidarity with Palestine. The change is slow, but our protests are making an impact. Palestinians have been asking that we keep protesting, boycotting, educating, spreading the word. Because it is helping, slowly but surely.

As long as Palestinians refuse to give in to despair, we too must continue to fight. Palestine will be free. We will not stand silent as genocide occurs.

Boycott as many of the companies named by BDS as you can. Notice that they're focusing on a narrower, more targeted group of companies than some of the enormous lists people keep sharing — that's to help us avoid becoming overwhelmed! So boycott what you can from their list; these are the companies directly contributing to Israel's violence. And spread their list to anyone you can.

If you live in a country with a government that has yet to join the call for a ceasefire — and especially if you, like me here in the US, live in a country that is actively funding/otherwise supporting Israel's violence — call or email your representatives to demand a ceasefire.

Resistbot can help make that easy, in the US at least.

Educate yourself about the history of Palestine and Israel. It's important so that you can recognize lies and propaganda, and also so you can speak knowledgeably about the issue with others. It's also important because understanding and simply bearing witness are two big things Palestinians ask of us. You don't need to know everything, but know enough to bear witness, to remember the loss, and to debunk bullshit when you see it.

Here are some places you can get educated — link to free ebooks; article on current events; article with current perspectives from Gaza; and I've been reblogging news & resources as I see them over on @a-queer-seminarian

Post about what Gaza is going through on social media!! Don't let the fight die down! Talk about it with friends or others you think might be swayed to join the fight if they had the information that most media stations are failing to report on.

Stand up against Islamophobia in all forms.

Stand up against antisemitism in all forms. As Christians, this includes recognizing and uprooting supersessionism in our biblical interpretation, our liturgy, our hymns, etc. It also means learning about Christian Zionism.

One of Israel's primary arguments for the "necessity" of its oppression of Palestine is that Israel is necessary because nowhere else on earth is safe for Jews. They're right that nowhere else is safe for Jews; but they're wrong that Israel is safe for Jews — an settler-colonialist state, a war zone, a state that requires every civilian to serve some time in the military, is not safe for Jews either. But as long as they can point to the antisemitism rampant across the globe, they can use that as an argument. So to counter Israel, and much more importantly to stand in solidarity with Jewish people across the world, don't let antisemitism go unchecked.

Join in protests in your area. Follow Jewish Voices for Peace or Jews Against White Supremacy for info on such events.

Link to places to offer fin.ancial support

Want more ways to act? Check out https://www.palestineaction.org/

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There is no easy answer to the question of suffering — but even so, it can be helpful to explore it deeper, to examine what conclusions others have drawn over the eras. If you want some resources for your wrestling, here are some:

This post goes into the basics of theodicy, the "the intellectual effort to jerry-rig three mutually exclusive terms into harmony: divine power, goodness, and the experiences of evil"

Then there's my #theodicy tag where I put all posts / links about this issue

I also have a long-ass YouTube video diving deep into "the problem of suffering"!

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I hope this response brings you comfort and courage, friend. Don't be afraid of questions, of grief, of concern — let them galvanize you for the struggle. Solidarity forever <3