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shootingstarwritings · 1 year ago

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FEStival Fiasco

Part 7

The Puppet that Played at being a Star

A lie.

That was all Centaurus could think when Professor Polaris said that.

“Y-You’re lying to me,” he said, wincing and chiding himself as he heard how shaky his own voice was. Why was he so nervous? His heart was pounding. Every pump was like a hammer to his temple. “You can’t be telling the truth… the whole war, being a lie?!”

It was far too ridiculous to be true.

No, it wasn’t just that.

If there truly was no war, then why was Centaurus born, nameless and abandoned, in those mines? Why did so many others before and after him? Why did so many of his fellow brethren die cold, hungry, alone, and in pain?

‘Did my suffering not matter? Did theirs? Did they all have no meaning?’

To believe the professor would be to accept those thoughts. And if Centaurus did accept them…

Why was he even here? Why was he even alive?

“Liar…! You piece of shit, I oughta kill you right here!”

Polaris’ expression remained unchanged; unwavering even as Centaurus charged him and grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt.

“Where the hell do you get off mocking me?!” Centaurus demanded, spit flying. “Huh?! You bastard, you better tell me the truth right now or—!”

“You already know a way to see if I’m lying or not.” Polaris quirked an eyebrow, licking his lips. “You’ve seen your hosts’ memories, haven’t you? Well, it works for each other as well.” He smirked. “It really makes you wonder what was the real purpose behind our species’ ability to interact and share with each other’s neural networks. Maybe we were meant to communicate better with each other this whole time, huh…? Centaurus, what do you think?”

Centaurus’ grip slowly loosened as he took in Polaris’ words. “You want me to bite you, as though I was possessing someone,” he said, arms fell to the side, hanging limply as though they were lead weights. “I’ve… I’ve never done something like this.” When had his host begun sweating so much? When did he start trembling? What was Centaurus so afraid of?

‘Why am I even here?’ Once more, that question came to him, but he quickly shook it away.”

“Curious?”

“… Of course I am.”

“Well? Are you going to do it or not?” Polaris, still smirking, tilted his head forward so as to touch Centaurus’ borrowed forehead with his own. “I have high hopes for you, Centaurus. Search my mind, and don’t hide away from the truth.”

“… Are you taunting me…? Centaurus asked, drained enough that he couldn’t even remain angry at Polaris.

Professor Polaris let out a chuckle, pulling Centaurus in for a tight embrace. “I saw your potential, y’know? That’s why I fought hard to allow the board of our academy to allow you to attend. And more specifically, to allow me to become your teacher. Haven’t you ever wondered why a former military commander became a professor? It’s because I insisted.”

Certain details made more sense, but there was still someone odd about all of this. “But, why? Why did you want me to join the academy? Y’know I was a worm, so then…?”

“Because whether they like it or not, it’s only by meeting another with widely different circumstances that these students’ worlds actually expand. Without you, there’s no way that any of them will ever grow. But the reverse also applies to you. There’s no way you will the true injustices of the world without witnessing those who inhabit it. This is how the seeds of revolution can be planted. It’s the only way that society will ever change.”

Centaurus, frowning, scoffed and pointedly looked away. “This is such bullshit,” he muttered. “So I was just a puppet for you to manipulate? A tool for your little play at a revolution?”

It always felt as though he was being pushed and pulled by forces beyond his understanding. Whether it was the Elites who looked down on him from their ivory world or the coach who stood before him, Centaurus was just dancing to a tune that only he couldn’t hear. “What am I, Polaris? Am I just something to be used, or am I someone who can choose his own fate? Am I… simply a worm…?”

Coach Polaris’ expression grew grim. A heavy silence spread throughout the dark room. To Centaurus, it felt like “Judgment Day,” an event that held considerable importance in his host’s mind. Yes, Centaurus’ world felt like it was about to crumble before him. His purpose seemed scattered in the wind, as though it was about to vanish when it was so close in his grasp. He thought that he was building his own fate, a path that he crafted with his own hands.

Yet… that was never the case.

“Who am I?” Centaurus asked again.

“You’re… you. That’s all. That’s what you decided for yourself, right? ‘Centaurus,’ named after the sun that everything in our world revolves around. That was the point, wasn’t it?”

Centaurus hesitated, just for a moment. “Yeah, but not quite. I… I loved that sunrise that I saw, the first time I ever left those tunnels. And, I wanted to be that for others. Other worms that had spent their lives underground. I wanted to be like that beautiful sight that inspired me to finally live—finally retake myself. If just another one of my brothers and sisters was inspired, then I’d make it all worth it.”

That settled it. The truth was right before him, and Centaurus would sooner die than allow it to escape his grasp. He carried not just his own life, but all of those that came and died before him in those damn tunnels. Centaurus nodded and stepped forward.

It began.

“Allow me to show you,” said Coach Polaris, walking in a circle as Centaurus slowly spun, eyes glaring down at Polaris’ host. They moved as though following a rhythm only they could hear. Somehow, it felt right. The two moved and swayed as they approached, their fingers intertwining as they waltzed in the dark. “Is this instinct? Fate?” asked Polaris.

Centaurus shut his eyes and shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m just doing what I’m supposed to.” He was leading for whatever reason. Was it his host’s idea? Muscle memories that were flowing out in this moment? “I’m doing what feels right.”

“It’s a forgotten dance in our people,” said Polaris. “We were meant to share our minds, our souls, with each other. But this hierarchy prevented that. This is the dawn of a new age, Centaurus. This is—”

“I don’t know if this is true or not yet,” growled Centaurus. “Let’s… Let’s just do this.” Deep down, he was trembling, but he threw himself towards the fire anyway. Centaurus leaned in and kissed Polaris’ host. He slithered through their intimate kiss into Polaris’ borrowed body.

The host choked and struggled as yet another creature slithered into his body. It was difficult for his body to withstand it as Centaurus crawled into his brain. The two snake-like creatures danced and chased the other's tail, following their instinct like always. An ouroboros. A dragon that would wrap around the world.

Centaurus' vision grew dark as foreign sensations flooded his body. It was a trade. Their minds, memories, souls, and hearts were all shared. It was an electric experience, somehow more intimate than sex yet somehow more universal at the same time. It was like he was ascending to the heavens or reaching Nirvana.

When Centaurus’ vision returned, he was staring up at a starry sky on unfamiliar soil. This wasn’t his memory, he had never seen this sight before. Yes, this was from Polaris. It was a hazy sight and he couldn’t move. It was like he was watching an old film that had been rescued from the clutches of being lost forever.

The stars looked more like streamers zooming by as fireworks lit up the night sky.

“You promised you would come home soon.”

Those weren’t Centaurus’ thoughts, but he heard them all the same.

“You promised you’d come back to them; and promised to come back to me. I waited for you on the ground, wishing on the stars that flew next to you to bring you back safe.”

A shooting star came barreling down the sky, a trail of smoke and flames right behind it. Centaurus’ heart raced as terror and despair flooded his mind.

“Why did you have to die…? I loved you. I loved you so much…”

His heart broke. Not Centaurus’, but Polaris. These were Polaris' thoughts. And the ship he Centaurus focused on carried the one whom he had longed for ever since he could remember. “I didn’t mind you finding another mate and building a family as long as I could remain by your side. How was I supposed to tell them you were gone? How could you take my love and leave me behind…?”

Zathina’s father, Altair, died on that day. His son, Vega, perished soon after in the same dogfight. There was little of each body to bury, a right both of them had.

Polaris mourned and suffered, and Centaurus felt each heartache as though they were his own.

‘So that’s why he wants to watch over her,’ thought Centaurus.

“All that remained of you was that child—Zathina. So I tried to help her, tried to keep her safe. She became hardened and strong, but I could still see the scars in her heart. She stood on her own, but it had crushed her completely to do so. It was like a vase that had been shattered and put back together. Though it still stood, it was far more fragile than ever before.

“And, I wanted to find out the truth. I wanted to know why you had to die, why this war that took you away continued to drag on despite victory after victory.

What was found… was schematics of the enemy’s ship, military plans based on their battle tactics, and receipts for expenses that had been kept secret. When Polaris found them, only one conclusion made sense.

“The ships you had fought that day… were built by our very own military. Not just on that day, but every combat you had ever flown on, and even before that. None of them were piloted by our enemy, the Carinos. In fact, they were more than likely extinct. Wiped out by us.”

When had the conflict ended…? For how long had the war been fabricated. How many of their own did the Emperor sacrifice for the status quo to continue? Those were the questions that raced through Polaris’ mind all those years ago. He had discovered the truth; he understood that there was no reason behind Altair’s death. He died for nothing. And a part of Polaris died along with him.

“I couldn’t stand being in that department for much longer. I left. I had to leave. If I didn’t, I was certain I would kill someone. Most of us there didn’t know the truth, but some of them did. Yes, the higher-ups must’ve known. I needed to leave and go elsewhere before I tried to make them pay. If I got myself killed before exposing the truth to everyone, I wouldn’t be able to avenge you, my love. So I left and joined the educational department. If I could make a difference with our youth, if I worked to change everything…”

It wasn’t long before Polaris discovered and joined an underground revolution. His eyes were open, and his mind would follow soon after. So much of life, even among the Elites, was hidden and censored by the Emperor and his council.

“Did you know, my dear Altair, that they no longer wish to be called ‘Worms?’ That’s right, they want to be Cosmopolitans; those who are found everywhere, those who are ubiquitous. Elites and Worms are to become useless terms. We all want to become Cosmopolitans. That’s what freedom is, right?”

Time passed, and eventually Polaris came to find someone named ‘Centaurus’ trying to apply to the academy. It had taken urging for the school board to accept him, but Polaris’ reputation was a major help. Perhaps his young one would join the revolution. Perhaps he would be a good influence on those Elites that had little knowledge of the people that were forced below them.

‘It was him… Polaris had been… guiding me along…

‘And… it was really a lie…

‘A lie… the war… the society that had been shaped by it… it was all falsehoods.

‘They died…

‘For nothing…’

“I’ll kill him. The Emperor. I swear I’ll kill him. I won’t rest until my hands are around his thorax.”

The last sight The Emperor would see was a shining star sending him to hell. Centaurus swore on that.

#male possession #alien possession #festival fiasco #no picture and sex sorry #but the plot moves forward

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v-e-l-v-e-t-g-o-l-d-m-i-n-e · 2 years ago

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Lestat, Armand and their complicated love/hate relationship

I found myself backing out of the room and away from him, staring numbly at his small dirty figure. His auburn hair shimmered despite the dirt in it; his eyes burned like two lights.

Grotesque he seemed, among all the candles and the swimming colors of the flat, this filthy waif of the netherworld, and yet his beauty held sway. He hadn't needed the shadows of Notre Dame or the torchlight of the crypt to flatter him. And there was a fierceness in him in this bright light that I hadn't seen before.

I felt an overwhelming confusion. He was both dangerous and compelling. I could have looked on him forever, but an overpowering instinct said: Get away. Leave the place to him if he wants it. What does it matter now? - The Vampire Lestat

"It is like not knowing how to read, isn't it?" he said aloud. "And your maker, the outcast Magnus, what did he care for your ignorance? He did not tell you the simplest things, did he?"

Nothing in his expression moved as he spoke.

"Hasn't it always been this way? Has anyone ever cared to teach you anything?"

"You're taking these things from my mind. . ." I said. I was appalled. I saw the monastery where I'd been as a boy, the rows and rows of books that I could not read, Gabrielle bent over her books, her back to all of us. "Stop this!" I whispered.

It seemed the longest time had passed. I was becoming disoriented. He was speaking again, but in silence.

They never satisfy you, the ones you make. In silence the estrangement and the resentment only grow.

I willed myself to move but I wasn't moving. I was merely looking at him as he went on.

You long for me and I for you, and we alone in all this realm are worthy of each other. Don't you know this? - The Vampire Lestat

I beat him again, turning him this way and that. And then I drew my sword to sever his head.

Let him live like that if he can. Let him be immortal like that if he can. I raised the sword and when I looked down at him, the rain was pelting his face, and he was staring up at me, as one half alive, unable to plead for mercy, unable to move.

I waited. I wanted him to beg. I wanted him to give me that powerful voice full of lies and cunning, the voice that had made me believe for one pure and dazzling instant that I was alive and free and in the state of grace again. Damnable, unforgivable lie. Lie I'd never forget for as long as I walked the earth. I wanted the rage to carry me over the threshold to his grave.

But nothing came from him.

And in this moment of stillness and misery for him, his beauty slowly returned.

He lay a broken child on the gravel path, only yards from the passing traffic, the ring of horses' hooves, the rumble of the wooden wheels.

And in this broken child were centuries of evil and centuries of knowledge, and out of him there came no ignominious entreaty but merely the soft and bruised sense of what he was. Old, old evil, eyes that had seen dark ages of which I only dream.

I let him go, and I stood up and sheathed my sword. - The Vampire Lestat

He heard me. But he didn't give an answer. He looked to Gabrielle, who stood near the fire, and then to me. And silently, he said, Love me. You have destroyed everything! But if you love me, it can all be restored in a new form. Love me.

This silent entreaty had an eloquence, however, that I can't put into words.

"What can I do to make you love me?" he whispered. "What can I give? The knowledge of all I have witnessed, the secrets of our powers, the mystery of what I am?"

It seemed blasphemous to answer. And as I had on the battlements, I found myself on the edge of tears. For all the purity of his silent communications, his voice gave a lovely resonance to his sentiments when he actually spoke. - The Vampire Lestat

"Each time the death and the awakening will ravage the mortal spirit, so that one will hate you for taking his life, another will run to excesses that you scorn. A third will emerge mad and raving, another a monster you cannot control. One will be jealous of your superiority, another shut you out." And here he shot his glance to Gabrielle again and half smiled.

"And the veil will always come down between you. Make a legion. You will be, always and forever, alone!" - The Vampire Lestat

"Does anyone else know the size of your soul?"

Witchcraft. Had it ever been used with more skill? And what was he really saying to us beneath this liquid flow of beautiful language: Come to me, and I shall be the sun round which you are locked in orbit, and my rays shall lay bare the secrets you keep from each other, and I, who possess charms and powers of which you have no inkling, shall control and possess and destroy you!

"I asked you before," I said. "What do you want? Really want?"

"You!" he said. - The Vampire Lestat

He had only moved very fast, and I had moved faster, and we stood facing each other in the doorway of the crypt, and again I said that single negation and I wouldn't let him go.

"Not like this, we can't part. We can't leave each other in hatred, we can't." And my will dissolved suddenly as I embraced him and held tight to him so that he couldn't free himself nor even move.

I didn't care what he was, or what he had done in that doomed moment of lying to me, or even trying to overpower me, I didn't care that I was no longer mortal and would never be again.

i wanted only that he should remain. I wanted to be with him, what he was, and all the things he had said were true. Yet it could never be as he wished it to be. - The Vampire Lestat

"You're mad to blame it all on me. You have no right," I insisted, but my voice was faltering so badly I couldn't understand my own words.

And his voice shot out of him like the tongue of a snake.

"We had our Eden under that ancient cemetery," he hissed. "We had our faith and our purpose. And it was you who drove us out of it with a flaming sword. What do we have now! Answer me! Nothing but the love of each other and what can that mean to creatures like us!"

"No, it's not true, it was all happening already. You don't understand anything. You never did."

But he wasn't listening to me. And it didn't matter whether or not he was listening. He was drawing closer, and in a dark flash his hand went out, and my head went back, and I saw the sky and the city of Paris upside down.

I was falling through the air.

And I went down and down past the windows of the tower, until the stone walkway rose up to catch me, and every bone in my body broke within its thin case of preternatural skin. - The Vampire Lestat

Poor Armand. And you told me Louis was dead. Go dig a room for yourself under the Lafayette Cemetery. It's just up the street. - The Vampire Lestat

"You always make me laugh," I told him. "I would have laughed at you under that cemetery in Paris, except it didn't seem the kind thing to do. And even when you cursed me and blamed me for all the stories about us, that was funny too. If you hadn't been about to throw me off the tower I would have laughed. You always make me laugh."

Delicious it was, the hatred between us, or so I thought. Such unfamiliar excitement, to have him there to ridicule and despise. - The Vampire Lestat

"It wasn't that I wanted vengeance," he whispered. His face was stricken, his heart broken. He said. "But you came to be healed, and you did not want me! A century I had waited, and you did not want me!"

And I knew, as I had all along really, that my restoration was illusion, that I was the same skeleton in rags, of course. And the house was still a ruin. And in the preternatural being who held me was the power that could give me back the sky and the wind.

"Love me and the blood is yours," he said. "This blood that I have never given to another." I felt his lips against my face.

"I can't deceive you," I answered. "I can't love you. What are you to me that I should love you? A dead thing that hungers for the power and the passion of others? The embodiment of thirst itself?" - The Vampire Lestat

In mute fascination, Daniel had watched that little clip on MTV portraying Armand as the coven master of the old vampires beneath the Paris cemetery, presiding over demonic rituals until the Vampire Lestat, the eighteenth-century iconoclast, had destroyed the Old Ways. Armand must have loathed it, his private history laid bare in flashing images, so much more crass than Lestat’s more thoughtful written history. Armand, whose eyes scanned perpetually the living beings around him, refusing even to speak of the undead. But it was impossible that he did not know. - The Queen of the Damned

At last particular movies struck his fancy. Over and over he watched Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner, fascinated by Rutger Hauer, the powerfully built actor who, as the leader of the rebel androids, confronts his human maker, kisses him, and then crushes his skull. It would bring a slow and almost impish laugh from Armand, the bones cracking, the look in Hauer’s ice-cold blue eye.

“That’s your friend, Lestat, there,” Armand whispered once to Daniel. “Lestat would have the...how do you say?...guts?...to do that!” - The Queen of the Damned

At the door, I turned and kissed Gabrielle again. I felt her body collapse against me for an instant; then her attention locked on Akasha. I felt the faint tremor in her hands as she touched my face. I looked at Louis, my seemingly fragile Louis with his seemingly invincible composure; and at Armand, the urchin with the angel’s face. Finally those you love are simply... those you love. - The Queen of the Damned

The other immortals are still around, of course-Maharet and Mekare, the eldest of us all, Khayman of the First Brood, Eric, Santino, Pandora, and others whom we call the Children of the Millennia. Armand is still about, the lovely five-hundred-year-old boy-faced ancient who once ruled the Theatre des Vampires, and before that a coven of devil worshiping blood drinkers who lived beneath the Paris Cemetery, Les Innocents. Armand, I hope, will always be around. - The Tale of the Body Thief

“No. Just tell me what’s happened. You’re in danger, aren’t you? Or you think you are. You sent out the call for me to come to you here. It was an unabashed plea.”

“Are those the words Armand used, ‘unabashed plea’? I hate Armand.”

David only smiled and made a quick impatient gesture with both hands. “You don’t hate Armand and you know you don’t.”

“Wanna bet?” - Memnoch the Devil

“My point is simply that I love you, that we’re linked in some way that none of the others is linked. Louis worships you. You’re some sort of dark god to him, though he pretends to hate you for having made him. Armand envies you and spies on you far more than you might think.”

“I hear Armand and I see him and I ignore him,” I said. - Memnoch the Devil

This was Armand.

He sat on the stone park bench, boylike, casual, with one knee crooked, looking up at me with the predictable innocence, dusty all over, naturally, hair a long, tangled mess of auburn curls.

Dressed in heavy denim garments, tight pants, and a zippered jacket, he surely passed for human, a street vagabond maybe, though his face was now parchment white, and even smoother than it had been when last we met.

In a way, he made me think of a child doll, with brilliant faintly red-brown glass eyes—a doll that had been found in an attic. I wanted to polish him with kisses, clean him up, make him even more radiant than he was.

“That’s what you always want,” he said softly. His voice shocked me. If he had any French or Italian accent left, I couldn’t hear it. His tone was melancholy and had no meanness in it at all. “When you found me under Les Innocents,” he said, “you wanted to bathe me with perfume and dress me in velvet with great embroidered sleeves.”

“Yes,” I said, “and comb your hair, your beautiful russet hair.” My tone was angry. “You look good to me, you damnable little devil, good to embrace and good to love.”

We eyed each other for a moment. And then he surprised me, rising and coming towards me just as I moved to take him in my arms. His gesture wasn’t tentative, but it was extremely gentle. I could have backed away. I didn’t. We held each other tight for a moment. The cold embracing the cold. The hard embracing the hard.

“Cherub child,” I said. I did a bold thing, maybe even a defiant thing. I reached out and mussed his snaggled curls.

He is smaller than me physically, but he didn’t seem to mind this gesture.

In fact, he smiled, shook his head, and reclaimed his hair with a few casual strokes of his hand. His cheeks went apple-perfect suddenly, and his mouth softened, and then he lifted his right fist, and teasingly struck me hard on the chest.

Really hard. Show-off. Now it was my turn to smile and I did. - Memnoch the Devil

Lestat, not a bad friend to have, and one for whom I would lay down my immortal life, one for whose love and companionship I have ofttimes begged, one whom I find maddening and fascinating and intolerably annoying, one without whom I cannot exist. - The Vampire Armand

Lestat, my Lestat - for he was never theirs, was he? - my Lestat was crazed and railing as the result of his awful saga, and held prisoner by the very oldest of our kind on the final decree that if he did not cease to disturb the peace, which meant of course our secrecy, he would be destroyed, as only the oldest could accomplish, and no one could plead for him on any account.

No, that could not happen! I writhed and twisted. The pain sent its shocks through me, red and violet and pulsing with orange light. I hadn't seen such colors since I'd fallen.

My mind was coming back, and coming back for what? Lestat to be destroyed! Lestat imprisoned, as I had once been centuries ago under Rome in Santino's catacombs. Oh, God, this is worse than the sun's fire, this is worse than seeing that bastard brother strike the little plum-cheeked face of Sybelle and knock her away from her piano, this is murderous rage I feel. - The Vampire Armand

"Lestat, give me this one embrace and I'll never ask another thing of you for all eternity. Let me put my lips to your throat, Lestat, let me test the tale, let me do it!"

"You break my heart, you little fool," he said with tears welling. "You always did."

"Don't judge me!" I cried. - The Vampire Armand

“Armand,” I said. “Please.” I dropped down on my knees in front of him, looking up into his face.

All the emotion he had held back was printed there now. He was in a rage.

“Is your heart totally turned against me?” I asked. “Do you have no faith in what we seek to build here?”

“Fool,” he said again. His voice was roughened now by emotion he couldn’t suppress. “I have always loved you,” he said. “I have loved you more than any being in all the world whom I’ve ever loved. I have loved you more than Louis. I have loved you more even than Marius. And you have never given me your love. I would be your most faithful counselor, if you allowed it. But you don’t. Your eyes pass over me as if I don’t exist. And so they always have.”

I knelt there defeated. I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t know what to say. I felt such a huge exhaustion, I had no way out of it, no way to find eloquence or reason or the vigor to try to reach him, reach beyond his malice to his soul.

He went on again, staring at me as he spoke.

“I hate you as much as I have ever loved you,” he said. “Oh, I didn’t want for Rhoshamandes to destroy you. Good God, that I never wanted. Never. When I heard them crying out that you’d returned I wept like a child. [...] But how could I not hate you, you who went in search of my maker all those long years ago when I scarce believed in him anymore — and was found by him, saved from the earth by him, welcomed into his lair by him, you whom he loved, you to whom he told the secrets of our beginning, when he had never come to free me from the Children of Satan, you to whom he gave his love, while resigning me to the ruins of all you’d destroyed around me. I hate you! I understand the very definition of ‘hate’ when I think of you.” - Blood Communion

“You who humiliated me and destroyed my world,” he said, his voice now a fragile whisper. “You who later told with such relish how you shattered my coven, my little coven, my little coven of holy purpose. Yet still I didn’t want for you to die. And I should have known that you wouldn’t. Of course not. How could anyone put an end to you? [...]

I found myself on my feet again. I’d drawn back away from him without realizing it. The air was poison between us. But I couldn’t look away or go.

“I love you still,” he said. “Yes, even now, I love you, as they all love you, your minions seeking just a smile or a nod or a quick touch of your hand. I love you like all those throughout this palace who are dreaming of drinking just a drop of your blood. Well, you can leave me now. I’m not going anywhere. Where is there to go? I’ll be here if you want me. And grant me my wish for the moment, you and your august friends. Go and leave me alone.” - Blood Communion

The only thought in my mind, the only image, the only idea, was of Armand, and how Armand would feel when he too could hold Marius like this and know that Marius lived, that Marius had been restored, that all of them were safe and secure, and using my strongest power I sent the word to him. I sent the news. And I sent my love to Armand with it. - Blood Communion

#long post #Vampire Chronicles #the vampire chronicles #Lestat de Lioncourt #Armand #Lestat x Armand #Armand x Lestat #vampire chronicles spoilers #the vampire armand #the vampire lestat #anne rice #book #quotes #memnoch #Blood Communion #amadeo #andrei #stepping up my... armant? lesmand? anyway my lestat/armand agenda

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pierrotwrites-hc · 9 months ago

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Hi Periott

I'm loving the new chapters of TGB but was wondering if you could give me some insight into Toby and his development because I found him quite infuriating in the last chapter

“Does that fat arse of yours need a rest, Toby?” “Watch your tongue, slave,” the Steward, bouncing over on his gray gelding, “or when we return to Highcourt, I shall personally ensure that you lose it.”

Is there a reason Toby never stands up for Doran? Like that's his brother. I'm curious, does Toby even see Doran as an actual person? What exactly is his mentality around slavery? And how does he not experience cognitive dissonance when he witnesses the injustices that happen to Connoll and his brother?

“Do you think we’ll be able to see each other once we’re at Highcourt?” asked Toby suddenly. “To play Legion, and talk about mathematics, and—well, just to talk, the way we are now?”

Is he seriously that naive and disconnected from the reality of things? Does he really believe that Luca is gonna have any form of freedom where their going? He knows Luca is a sex slave.

“Do you want to be a slave, Toby? Do you want to sleep on the ground and eat table scraps and get beaten like a dog whenever your master’s in a mood?” “No.” “No, of course not. You just like hanging around with slaves because we can’t tell you to fuck off. Fields of hell, do you care what’s going to happen to Luca once we get to Highcourt? Or to me and Con once we get back to Chesten? Your mam could sell us to the galleys, or the mines, or split us up and send us to opposite corners of the fucking earth. We could never see each other again. But you don’t give a damn about that, do you? Great and little gods, you must be the most selfish boy alive.” Toby’s face was mottled red and white. He was holding back tears. “That’s not very nice of you to say,” he said, in a voice that trembled with the effort not to cry.

YES! I am so glad Doran said this. Like from this interaction it's clear Toby is aware that being a slave is bad/not nice and yet he seems to have no lasting thoughts on the experiences of and consequences for those that are enslaved. And when Doran confronts him and brings up valid points, Toby makes it about himself by crying and acting like his feelings are hurt instead of acknowledging what Doran has pointed out or reflecting on things.

“Doran hates me,” Toby sobbed. “He’ll never forgive me for whipping him, never.”

I feel like the only reason Toby was upset about Doran's whipping is because he had to do it and it was an unpleasant experience for him. It feels like it had nothing to do with Doran's experience/suffering at all. And now all he's worried is forgiveness when he knows Doran's been whipped in the past and will continue to be whipped in the future because he's a slave.

He isn't naive and he's aware of how privileged he is because he's witnessed how those below him live and are treated. But he never seems to use his privilege or social standing to protect/help others, not even Doran. And ye only got rid of the letters summoning Luca back to Highcourt because he didn't want to lose his legion partner, not because he actually cares about Luca as a person.

I'm sorry lol. I love Toby but his privilege and selfishness really irks be sometimes, and I'd love to here your thoughts about him and any information you can give us about his reasonings and motivations (if it isn't too spoilery)

thank you so much for sending this ask. it was actually sent in response to ch 45 but I want to answer it now because ch 46 is an incredibly important milestone in Toby's development as a Good Human.

Is there a reason Toby never stands up for Doran?

yes, though it's a pretty selfish one. Toby grew up watching Doran be (relatively) well-treated and protected by their father. Doran was beaten and talked down to, sure, but that treatment was so normalized for slaves that Toby didn't really spare it much thought. note that when he intervenes on Luca's behalf with Hodge, it's because Hodge's behavior goes beyond even the treatment of slaves that Toby accepts as "normal."

Toby doesn't stand up for Doran because it hasn't occurred to him that Doran needs standing up for -- or that anyone would listen to Toby if he tried.

Does Toby even see Doran as an actual person? What exactly is his mentality around slavery?

Toby does see Doran (and Connell, and Luca) as real people in the way he sees everyone as real people...which means that he's mostly interested in how they relate to him rather than how other people/society in general relate to them. he's 19, but due to his incredibly sheltered and dysfunctional upbringing, his mentality is still very much that of a child. i want to emphasize that this has nothing to do with being autistic. he was just raised by pathologically selfish people and who gave him a pathologically selfish outlook on the world, and nothing in his privileged upbringing has forced him to challenge his assumptions until now.

How does he not experience cognitive dissonance when he witnesses the injustices that happen to Connoll and his brother?

the same reason we don't experience cognitive dissonance around so many of the injustices in our world. think of Ed Sheeren installing rails outside his mansion to keep the unhoused away despite having slept rough himself before making it big. Toby seems like a really extreme case because the things he accepts as normal -- e.g., slavery and abuse -- are so abnormal to us, and seem so self-evidently evil, but he's never had a reason to interrogate the conditions of his very comfortable life before. forced discomfort is going to be his greatest teacher.

Is he seriously that naive and disconnected from the reality of things?

unfortunately, yes.

Does he really believe that Luca is gonna have any form of freedom where their going? He knows Luca is a sex slave.

Toby knows Luca's a sex slave, but his only context for that is his father's relationship with Doran's mother Cilla -- who was, as Connell pointed out, treated more like his wife than his actual wife. too, slaves from Chesten have quite different lives than slaves from Lyonesse. i cover that in more detail here, but suffice it to say that Toby has very real understanding of what sex slavery really involves. he assumes that Luca will be treated at Highcourt more or less the way Cilla was, with a relatively high degree of personal freedom.

Toby is aware that being a slave is bad/not nice and yet he seems to have no lasting thoughts on the experiences of and consequences for those that are enslaved. And when Doran confronts him and brings up valid points, Toby makes it about himself by crying and acting like his feelings are hurt instead of acknowledging what Doran has pointed out or reflecting on things.

you really hit the nail on the head here. as Toby has said a few times in a few different ways, he's very good at not thinking about things that upset him...and when forced to, his instinctive response is that of a child: he manipulates people into comforting him. it isn't a conscious manipulation, and it isn't malicious, but it is really, really selfish, and something he'll need to unlearn.

yep.

you really nail Toby's character here, and it's a great description of where his arc starts. he has immense privilege which he takes completely for granted, and immense intelligence which he uses only for his own benefit. he genuinely loves Doran and Connell and Luca, but he will need to do a lot of work on himself before he can love them as well as they deserve. [spoilers maybe?] in Chapter 48 (so, two chapters in the future, since Ch47 will be a Robert chapter) we see Toby begin that work in earnest, and it will continue throughout Part III and in all the books which follow.

#the golden bird #asked and answered #i loved this ask btw #people quoting your work and having emotional responses to it is like #The Ultimate

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yourlocaldisneyvillain · 1 month ago

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Hi there! I’ve been lurking in the shadows for longer than I’d like to admit at this point, and I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I just want you to know I love your writing. Genuinely. You’ve influenced me in so many small and beautiful ways: I still listen to the songs you mentioned when you were writing “Inevitable,” I check your page like the news sometimes because I just enjoy knowing you’re out there and you’re all right, I smile whenever I see that you've said something new and interesting… I don’t actually know you, and you most certainly don’t know me, but thank you? I guess? Is what I’m trying to say?

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything sooner; I’m not the most outgoing person in the entire world and figured you’d have no need to hear how much I respect you, but after some pondering, anyone could benefit from knowing they’ve had an impact on another human life (even if it’s tiny. Tiny is still meaningful).

Your writing makes me feel, which is something not all writing can do, and I can’t thank you enough for sharing a sliver of your soul with the select few who will get to interpret and internalize it. I’m lucky enough to have witnessed your work in a wide world and in an unprecedented time, and that’s all. Thank you.

hi!!!! i have definitely read your message, and now i am responding to it!! i think any author would, tbf! i'm really grateful you decided to message me and let me know how you feel. i am the sort of person who would write no matter if anyone read it. it's just something personal i need to get out of my system to function as a normal human being, and it matters to me that it satisfies my personal standards, even if no one read it. *however!!!* i'd be lying if I said that messages like these don't brighten my day. i'm such a niche author and i write about such specific things that it's always so special to me when i see that my stuff resonates with people !

since you were honest with me and shared how you feel, i want to share something personal, for no particular reason besides I felt like it. your message and the vibe of it (this is ABSOLUTELY not me talking about you or your life, this is just me reminiscing about my personal experience in the past) reminded me of when i was younger and absolutely obsessed with an author that I met on tumblr. we were actually friends, or at least I believed so, and there were Romantic Vibes, and i thought every single thing she wrote was a piece of art. tbh i still love her stuff, years later. however, much like myself in some ways, she was a very volatile person, prone to appearing and disappearing from the internet, and also quite a bit older than me. i absolutely idolised her and I fell madly in love with her. it was in many ways a parasocial relationship. it was definitely unequal, bc i was a youngster that idolised her and searched for someone to fulfil the gaping void in my heart, and she was someone who was desperately lonely. she knew all about my life and i knew.... well a LOT about hers. i do believe i knew her to an extent, since for many years we literally talked every day. I could def doxx her if I wanted to lol. she always remained the tiniest bit elusive with certain things, but i could def locate her if i wanted to. not that i ever would. we are still friends on facebook lol. she is also still on tumblr and sometimes I just check if she's alive and doing well, and she seems to be doing much better than when we were talking, which is nice!

our relationship went on for basically about.... 5-ish years? we talked almost every day and i was, as i said, madly in love with her. however, one day she simply ghosted me and never responded to a single message again. this left me devastated. that experience has scarred me profoundly bc this happened in a really difficult period of my life (tbh i had a pretty tough youth, so you could argue that it doesn't matter when it happened lol) and it was just one more layer on top of the, as i like to call it, abandonment cake lol. i had a very rough time as a youth. won't go into detail but let's just say I was suicidal from age 12 to about 25. after that, things got incomparably better lol.

i won't share the fandom this happened in, bc it was also very very niche and anyone who was a part of it they would probably know, if not who I was, then def who she was lol. I went by a different username back then and was a bit tumblr famous, had about 3000 followers. I didn't write back then bc I thought my writing was shit and could never compare to hers, so why bother? she wouldn't read things i sent her and i think she thought they were really bad, and maybe compared to hers, they were. i only started writing for real once she left my life, so in a way it was a blessing haha. i do love writing. i wrote before her, as a tween, and now, after her. i still think she's a fascinating person, but i think she is also a coward. i don't know how I would act in her situation though, dealing with a lot of my own stuff while this person much younger than me was practically imprinting on me like a duckling. maybe the only solution was for her to ghost me bc a 20 yo me for probably wouldn't truly hear or understand what she meant if she told me to leave her alone -- and in the end, it is her right to be left alone. i truly wish her the best. she's a weird one, which is partially why I liked her haha. I learned a LOT from her, so i am grateful for that. i also think she's a selfish bitch, but i can sorta respect that lol. for some reason this individual managed to bring out the most stalker-y, horrible parts of me to the surface, just bc I liked her so much and would do anything to be close to her, at least that was the case before i grew up, grew a spine and found some self-respect haha. i was truly a troubled youth with no self-respect of any kind when I was younger, and part of why i called my blog disneyvillain and why I joke so much about being a villain is bc that sort of framing of my coming of age journey was much easier for me to digest. i was terrified of being a horrible person, to the point that i wanted to kill myself for breathing air when i was at my worst, until one day i gave myself permission to not be perfect and to think and say mean things if that means protecting my own peace, and that doesn't mean the world will end or that I am a bad person to my core. i am allowed to exist in this world and take up space, and storybook villains are often all about that! morals were always a very interesting topic to me, very on brand. started being obsessed with villains when i was very very young haha. it's funny that this person wrote a lot about good and evil and morals, it was an underlying motif in a lot of her stories. damn, i really am a different person nowadays. i don't think I could care abt anyone like that anymore and get so attached and obsessed ahahahah. i do still love people very deeply, but the level of abandon i had when I was a youth was insane. i would have died for the people i loved, but today..... ain't nobody that special lol. this bitch got herself to think about. it's actually the only way you can truly help people actually -- take care of yourself. can't pour from an empty cup. ugh so many things to say! and i am very tired from working all day and very scattered lol.

so, not to go on and on -- thank you so much for sending me this message! it really made me reminisce, as you can probably tell lol. the cautionary tale i preach is basically, don't get attached to strangers on the internet. you never know who they are. but also stay open to a bit of wonder bc tumblr is also how i met my wife lol and many other lovely lovely people I consider good friends. so uh.... the moral is then... uh do what you want idk ahahah fuck around and find out. don't be afraid to be hurt, bc it is possible to heal from any pain, and you will likely learn a lot if you do not let the suffering make you jaded!

#i got an ask!#personal

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skelemoonz · 3 months ago

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Can i see you draw thunderblast :33

Here's a little yabs (it's actually a long one..) about the cannon characters in transformers cybertron: finsternis rising :3

Everyone reminded as the same, but only for lori, in the au: she felt helpless when she see the auotbots in danger though she couldn't help, someday later she met a fox alike-cat named 'Eve' (who's actually sideways) and told her that she could be a magical girl to help others by making a wish. She wished to help the autobots, after she became a magical girl, hiding her true identity from the autobots and her friends, she kills 100 wraiths a day and then one day. She got sent to Miho's labyrinth, and then met eve again. Lori heard that the magical girls are here too, so she goes to look for them but no signs of them. There's still wraiths in the labyrinth so she kills them as always, Lori still think that she's helpless. She decided to find a way to get out of the labyrinth and maybe, go back to the labyrinth again. But once she find the exit. She saw the reality of being a magical girls, she hallucinated that the autobots and her friends betrayed her, she then met Morris who then told her the truth about the magical girls (Those who's a magical girls are now a zombies) and lori then just kills eve (But he's alive since he's an avatar of unicron) lori doesn't trust anyone anymore, and maybe..she doesn't trust the autobot nor, Coby and bud.

Fun fact: she got turned into her doppel twice, and Coby, bud the autobots witnessed the three heads of Lori's doppel (i used scrouge ref..)

Her doppel is a three headed shaped and can control fire and wood whips, it's extremely painful to her yet she cannot scream for help (what am i even saying 😭🙏)

Ok so the other, the autobots and decepticons, the humans got trauma in 1 sec by eve (sideways) and finsternis.. (the autobots and decepticons can turn into a wraiths too lol..)

Especially optimus prime seeing miho as his daughter figure is now basically unicron.. (miho is just a loser who have a crush on a non-human, lovely)

And megatron seeing lovely dieing 2000+ times-

I hope you enjoyed my yabs :3

Omg poor Lori 😭😭 and screw Sideways, we all hate Sideways in this house

Just all of them being traumatized 😭 poor Optimus and (I can’t believe I’m saying this) poor Megatron 💔💔,,, tbh that’s normal for Transformers tho, they will always be traumatized lol

But this was an interesting read!

And, lucky you, I already drew Thunderblast because I made a silly and low key embarrassing comic, so here ya go eehe

#ask #long post #will i post the comic?#idk im still figuring that out #maybe

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nicolesainz · 2 years ago

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Sweeter than fiction (CS55)

Carlos Sainz x Reader

Warnings: the loviest doviest one shot you’ll read

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Seeing Carlos on the top of the podium, made my heart so full, that I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life. His smile was so radiant and radiated so much positive energy. As soon as he crossed the line, I immediately took off my headset and run to the front of the field that was gathering around the podium celebration.

We all cheered when Checo and Lewis appeared but I let out the biggest scream when Carlos walked up. This season has had a few difficult moments, especially the unfair DNF’s and him being unable to show what he is truly capable of achieving.

I started humming the Spanish national anthem and was staring at the winner of the British Grand Prix. When he finally caught me with his eyes, his smile grew bigger and a wink came my way. Both of the guys on his sides were looking proudly at Carlos. A first win is always exciting and they know it firsthand.

When he was given the trophy, he lifted it up in the air like a little kid. His eyes were glowing, whilst mine, Rupert and Onõro’s were full of tears. Happy tears. We’ve been here since the beginning and now the story in unfolding.

Carlos’s Pov

Winning this Grand Prix is surely thrilling! I thought this time wouldn’t come but it did! And I am more than happy it happened at this time of my life. Perfect timing as they say!

Looking down, I spot Y/N with a smile bigger than the whole sky, and alongside her, hugging her are Carlos and Rupert. All three of them crying. I’ve never seen her cry before. I only want to see her laugh and be happy, but I feel like these are tears of happiness.

All three of them have stuck beside me since forever. Carlos and Y/N coming to my karting races and Regional Formula races, cheering and coming to congratulate me the moment I got out of the car. From the early days at Toro Rosso to my second year in Ferrari. During the good and bad days they’ve helped me with everything.

Especially Y/N. From being my childhood best friend and my sisters teasing us about getting married one day, to us actually being a couple and attached to the hip. I love her more than anyone can describe. She’s happy when I’m happy, sad when I’m sad. Always comforts me and takes care of me.

I wanted to run down and kiss her so badly. I want to wipe the tears from her beautiful face and give her the biggest hug. She doesn’t know that if it wasn’t for her, I would have given up. She gives me strength and motivation. Even during the weekends she can’t come to the race, even her motivational videos and messages fuel me!

Y/N Pov

When the celebration was over, I run back to the Ferrari garage to first of all comfort Charles. Not going to lie, I would have loved to see him on the podium today, but Carlos on top made me the happiest woman alive.

“Hey Cha. Great job today! I am very proud of you”

He gave me a faint smile as I went in for a hug. He is trying so hard for this championship and the pressure is obvious.

“Thank you y/n. I did try my best but apparently wasn't enough. Congratulations to Carlos though. First win, must be very exciting. I congratulated him over the radio, but thought to do it in person after he sees you”

“I am very happy for him. But seeing you as a duo on the podium is more pleasant”

“It will come soon. I hope so. Go and find the winner and we will talk again”

“You've got this Charles. Keep your head up. I believe in you”

I find the door of Carlos’s room and knock on the door gently. I fear he may have been talking to someone else.

“Come in” he replies and I peak my head inside the room only to witness a semi naked Carlos. His fireproof was off and his suit has reached his waist. His hair were a big mess but all I could focus on was my boyfriends big smile

“Felicidades mi amor! I am so incredibly proud of you”

I run towards him and hug him so tight, as if I hadn’t seen him in years. He smelled like champagne. The smell of a winner.

“I couldn’t have done this without you! You’re an angel!”

Carlos begun leaving small kisses on my lips and forehead as I was running my fingers through his hair. Those small reassuring gestures are what make me believe in love. People may think Carlos isn’t the touchy type of guy but I haven’t received more hugs and kisses from anyone but him.

“I love you! You can’t imagine how happy I am right now. When you crossed the line, I let out the biggest scream of joy, I think Mattia won’t allow me to step into the garage again.”

“What did I do to deserve you? I don’t know how you’ve put up with me all those years. I owe you my life”

“Like I said, I love you. And I will never leave your side, whether you win or not. I’m here to stay”

“You’re my forever Y/N”

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#carlos sainz f1 #formula 1 #ferrari #carlos sainz fanfic

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moonlarked · 2 years ago

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More incorrect quotes from the quote generator

Wylie: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three.

Wylie: One... two... three.

Maruca: ...

Wylie: ...

Wylie: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

Sophie: Are you a cuddler?

Dex: I'm a machine of death and destruction.

Sophie:

Dex: ...Yeah, I'm a cuddler.

*While the Squad is in a battle*

Dex, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!

Biana: Take it back now y'all!

Marella: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

Keefe: Hi, who's this? Sophie changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Marella: What's mine?

Keefe: Dwarf.

Marella: THEY'RE SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Keefe: Oh, hey Marella.

Marella: FUCK!

Wylie: Are you ready to commit?

Rayni: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Jensi: Where's Sophie, Linh, and Tam?

Biana: They're playing hide and seek.

Jensi: Where?

Biana: I don't think you get how this game works.

Jensi: Why are Sophie and Keefe sitting with their backs to each other?

Tam: They had a fight.

Jensi: Then why are they holding hands?

Tam: They get sad when they fight.

Maruca: Pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

Marella: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name?

Sophie: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know.

Marella: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Stina: What? I'm not aggressive!

Marella: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?

Stina: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

Rayni: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Sophie: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!

Fitz: But I'm a vegan.

Sophie: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

Marella: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Dex: What the hell do you do?

Marella: I die? What kinda question...

Linh: I'm never having a debate with Dex again, they literally started their argument with "Riddle me this."

Sophie: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

Fitz: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.

Wylie: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue.

Fitz: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

*Linh and Biana are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff*

Linh: oh my god, Biana, backwards!

Biana: Really, Linh? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.

Jensi: Marella's refusing to wear their glasses!

Marella: Jensi, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.

Marella: *points to Dex* Dex.

Marella: *points to Wylie* Wylie.

Marella: *points to Stina* Sasquatch.

Jensi: *eating a cinnamon roll*

Maruca: Cannibalism.

Jensi: *confused chewing noises*

Tam: Why is Keefe crying on the floor?

Stina: They're drunk.

Tam: And?

Stina: They saw a picture of Sophie's spouse.

Tam: But they're Sophie's spouse.

Stina: I know.

Rayni: You remind me of the ocean.

Tam: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Rayni: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Linh: You’re alive.

Rayni: No need to sound so disappointed.

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc incorrect quotes

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la-squadra1234 · 2 years ago

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Of course I can! BTW everyone this is the person that requested my last story so thank you to this person. I appreciate you so much!!!

So the only thing that I could come up with other than a kind of family reunion scene, which obviously would never be a thing is them having a way to touchy PE teacher because they are always touchy so I hope everybody is OK with that And if you aren’t well, then, too bad because it takes me time and energy and effort to make these stories and I also have to think about things even though they are requested so it’s even harder but that’s OK

Let’s get into this!

Full credit to la-squadra1234

Feitan-his first thought it would be to ask his kid what is going on in private and what else has this PE teacher done to make them uncomfortable after his kid explained everything even if it wasn’t that bad, nobody is going to be touchy to his kid and not receive a major consequence and of course he skin the PE teacher alive in the gym because he has no chill

Phinks-he would not pull his kid aside he would pull the PE teacher aside, and he would tell the PE teacher to smarten the fuck up and to never touch his kid ever again not even a little high five or a pat on the back nothing and God for bid phinks sees the PE teacher, touching his kid again. Oh my God he will rip his body apart in front of all of the kids and parents and teachers.

Nobunaga-he would immediately grab the PE teacher by their shirt, collar or sweater. Whatever they are wearing, and he would start punching them in the face and just beating the hell out of them and yes, you best believe his kid was watching the entire thing go down

Chrollo-he’s a little more old fashion and nice about it he takes it up with the principal and he has a talk with his kid about it in private and then also with the principal not only that he keeps an eye on his kid and the PE teacher and if the PE teacher does anything else he will take the PE teacher into a private room, or the staff room, a place where only the teachers can go and he will make it a very gory scene and then he will leave a little note, telling everybody to not ever touch his kid in any way, shape or form

illumi-honestly there would be no chance of something like that ever happening because he would make sure butlers are always by his kid at all times, and he would try his best to keep an eye on his kid as much as possible, and his kid would definitely be homeschooled the same way that he was along with the rest of his siblings (sorry if you really wanted to see some thing like that with illumi but I just can’t imagine it happening as it would never happen and nobody in their family would be too touchy at all at most a little pat on the head or a two second hug)

Hisoka-this man literally wouldn’t notice anything off because he is super touchy himself, so why would he notice anything but eventually his kid would come complaining to him about it and at first he would just think that his kid is lying or something like that because some kids do things like that to get teachers that they don’t like in trouble but once he actually witnesses it for himself, he follows the PE teacher home and slit their throat, and he make sure that there is blood everywhere and of course he would make sure that there is no trace of him even though he doesn’t really care he just wants it to be a little mystery. All for his sick way of fun.

Silva-if I couldn’t think of anything for illumi I know damn well I will not be able to think of anything for Silva again there is like no way that that would ever happen. He would definitely be even more cautious than illumi because he doesn’t want anything happening to his kid and he doesn’t want to hear kikyo yell at him, and just annoy him (sorry if you wanted to see something like this with Silva)

that’s it for today everyone I am sorry if it seems kind of half assed, I promise you I wasn’t rushing this time. It was just kind of hard to think of a sort of scenario that would fit these characters but I hope everybody enjoyed it. it was honestly pretty fun making!

I am sorry if any grammar is bad, but I am not going over to fix it, so just fix it yourself in your head. It shouldn’t be too hard as long as the whole paragraph is as I wrote it😅

Thank you so much to the person who requested this it’s pretty fun to do request. It’s so nice to see that other people have so much creativity!!!!

I will see you guys all in the next Post bye now!

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blondebeardtheparent · 5 months ago

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Captain’s Log

Stardate 20240605

Day 83

No school yesterday. We were in transit all day; finally home again. Simon has developed an infection on his scrotum. Rae took him directly from the airport to the hospital. The doctor was kind enough to volunteer to stay late in order to treat him, but Simon refused to be touched. His wound is festering; both Rae and I are at wits end at this point. Last night, I sat him down and told him that in the past, mommy and daddy did everything they could to keep him alive and happy, but we can’t take the responsibility for that anymore. He must choose for himself. I told him that we will do everything we can to help him, but he must make the decision to receive it.

I understand having a death wish. I don’t blame him for it. He’s spent a third of his life in the hospital and doesn’t want anymore. I get it, but I can’t fight on both fronts. I can’t fight him and the disease. Last night I asked him, “Do you want to get well?” He refused to answer. Until the answer is yes, there is not much I can do for him. At this point, my prayer is not for his physical healing—it is for his soul. If God does not touch this boy and put life in him, fighting to save his body won’t matter.

My wife was reading the story of the boy the disciples were unable to heal this morning. His father brought him to Jesus and said, “But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” I understand this father. He came to Jesus, not out of faith, but out of despair. Jesus rebukes both him and the disciples for their lack of faith. It got me thinking, what is faith?

If faith is wanting something, I’ve tried that. If faith is believing that God wants something, I’ve tried that. If faith is putting both of these together, I’ve tried that too. At this point, I am the father from the story. I’ve done everything I can do, and my son is still sick. I’ve taken him to people who are the closest to Jesus and not even they could deliver him. So what is faith?

From the perspective of a despairing man, I think faith is believing that God actually wants our good. In my present circumstance, this is beyond me. And yet, I believe it is where God is leading me. Through rejection, despair, disease and possibly even death, he wants me to trust that he is for me. This is hard.

Yet it explains Jesus’ rebuke. How many times does he say, “You of little faith”? It’s not faith in the result; it’s faith in the Father’s heart. Do I really believe he wants to heal my son? No. I pray in desperation that he will have mercy—I don’t really think he wants to help me. In this, I need to repent. My perception of God is shaded by my experiences with spiritual authorities. I see myself as a burden that people grudgingly respond to when it’s convenient. I don’t believe that He actually wants to do me good.

This is rewriting everything for me. I don’t know where this will take me, but already I can feel layer after layer of deception lifting from my shoulders—years of misjudging God’s heart being lifted off. I do not have to grovel before him to secure his favor. I do not have to be good enough to earn it. He wants good for me and for my family. I choose to believe.

#alternative education #homeschool #online education #china #education #cancer #leukemia #relapse #death wish #theology #faith

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whatever-lmaoo · 2 months ago

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When I tell you I have a mini heart attack everytime I move my notes to a reblog😭 I need them to move cut away from copy bc idk what id do if i accidentally hit cut🥹

#“like you were made to fit him” we were made to fit him😍

#“hearing Benny’s not-so-subtle announcement that he was home” Benny already knows 😂

#“never able to get over how stunning you were even in your sleep, how divine you looked naked in his bed.” need a man to look at me like I’m the last jewel on earth😩

#“Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Benny is so meeee

#“fully aware of the fact that he was the one who needed an eye kept on him.” I love a self aware king🤌🏾

#“Well stop fucking talking to me, go and figure this shit out!” BENNY FOR THE WINNNN, idk what Will would do without Benny boy

#“He took his boxers off and slipped into bed,” the things I would give to sleep naked with Will😞

#“your bum rubbing against his groin in a way that made him moan and grind on you.” Stand down soldier😂 we got some talkin to do🧐

#“the weight of almost never experiencing this again hitting him hard.” Idk what happened to my emotions but I’m already tearing up😭

#“A breath shuddered out of him as he reached up and smoothed the side of your head, desperately again and again, his forehead leaning against yours as he fought off tears of his own.” I’ve come to the realization that I am not as emotionally prepared for this conversation as I thought I was😣

#“The shake in his voice and the look in his eyes broke your heart,” I actually can’t do this😭 let’s talk about it🥂(imagine this is a podcast and were covered in tissues in our cute lil chairs🥹): off riff the vibes you have set for this scene are phenomenal🙉 (I hate my scatter brain lmaooo😭 bear with me) it’s very authentic with how quickly pain can throw itself into any situation; we were having a sweet moment and although you don’t say it, you can tell that the reader realized that there was a possibility where this reconnection would not have happened, either because Will kept up with his facade or something tragic happened on his tour. Another thing that makes this authentic is Will’s vulnerability. You can feel the turmoil that his nightmare put him through and the agony that he feels knowing that he hurt us. We can all agree that Will is a traditional man, and because of that he would also have a hard time with being seen emotionally and the way you handle that with describing how small and shakey his voice sounds, the extra pauses, the brokenness in his eyes is so perfect🥹 omg not to mention that we’re also naked so he’s feeling extra exposed, but in the “you’re seeing all of me” way. “Of course I trust you.” All of this shows exactly how much he trusts us🥹

#“You’re my everything,” crying🥺😭💖💖💖

#“Shh, not yet, baby. Just let me feel you.”the way I would’ve sobbed some more and pulled him into the tightest hug😭

#You sure know how to make a love making scene feel so real😩🌸

#“Will laid on your chest” if there’s one thing I would actually give up my kidney for it would be to get the chance to just hold him

#“the veins that ran through his skin like rivers” yall already know😍

#“the sweat on the back of his neck feeling like drips of ice.” Again 🙉

#LAUR WHAT ARE YOU DOING WASTING YOUR TALENTS ON TUMBLR????? THATS FILM WRITER/BOOK AUTHOR WORTHY🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉 cant believe I just read another glorious nightmare scene from you for free😲 the details, the imagery, the vibes, the sheer panic in Will’s movements, the added gore factor with this line “Two silver tags were dangling from your neck, the chain wrapped so tightly around your throat that it was embedded in your flesh, your skin marked with bruises and cuts from it cutting off your air flow” how do you do it everytime???

#“feeling his cock hardening against you through his boxers.” This man is always hard😂

#“I need you, baby,” love me a needy man🤧

#“I'm right here, Will,” the double meanings😩

#“You were completely alive, breathing and writhing with life in his arms, your blood flowing in every part he touched, his hands awakening every fiber in you.”😮

#“There was no questioning the falsity of his dream now, your euphoria solidifying your vitality, your body full of life as it shuddered with vigor because of him, the devastation of being the reason you wouldn’t breathe again leaving him with each second he was encased in you.” Jail time affectionately 🙉

#“aware that Benny could’ve walked in at any point.” I really thought Benny was about to catch us😭

#“but he knew he could face anything as long as he was with you.” Awwww🥹

#“Only to make Will shake his head as he reached his hand over the console and took yours.” Laurie please let this go smooth sailing 😭

#“Not without a kiss,” your wish is my command big boy😍😩

#“Will was thankful for his pleasant enough experience,” thank god😭 my heart can only handle so much🥹

#“what looked like a too-friendly of a conversation with a man he had never seen before.” Gimme all the possessiveness 🥵🥵🥵🥵

#“You seemed somewhat nervous or uncomfortable, touching your hair a little more than normal,” never mind Will come save me😣

#UH UH WHYD IT HAVE TO BE CAM😭 MY POOKIE BEAR🤧

#“still unable to believe how stupid he was for having let you go” you were pretty stupid

#“I love you. I only want you, and that was the same even when you weren’t with me.” My hearttttt🥹🥺

#“I don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, sweetheart,” he began. “But I will spend every second trying to.” YES THANK YOU THIS MINDSET IS EVERYTHING 🥹

You’d think I’d know what to say after doing this for a while but y’all always leave me so speechless in the end😂🥹🌸 the way you’re able to write all variations of scenarios never fails to amaze me!! With every part we get to see your creativity flourish and the growth you show within your writing🥹💖 if I were to ever have to choose a favorite part this one would definitely be up there with how you touch on romance, comedy, a bit of gruesomeness, vulnerability, a play on fears and etc🙉 I know I say this all the time, just means it’s true, but you outdid yourself again with this one Laurie🥹💖🌸💗

Breathe

Part 8

Pairing: Will 'Ironhead' Miller x female reader

Words: 6.2k

Warnings: Rated E, 18+. Swearing. Cockwarming. Unprotected intercourse. Nightmare involving death by asphyxiation. Panic attack. Oral sex (female receiving).

Summary: You and Will finally discuss how to navigate your relationship, and after establishing a comfortable rhythm again, something causes a disruption to test you once more.

A/N: I am over the moon and completely floored at the response to this series and am so thankful to each and every one of you who continues to read it and be excited for it! A big thank you to all my readers as well as @spaghettificationandpretzels for cheering me through this last chapter 💗

photo by @avatarskingdom and edited by me.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

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Will opened his eyes with a smile, feeling relaxed and content, the tension in his neck and shoulders that had been constant since before he left on the op finally gone.

You were still sleeping soundly, tucked up beside him where the curves of your back meshed into his front like you were made to fit him, his arm comfortably draped over your waist.

The sheets barely covered both of your bodies, and the feel of the fan blowing against his bare skin had Will feeling like he never wanted to move, but it seemed someone else thought differently.

The loud bang of cabinet doors and the clink of dishes in the sink pulled another smile across Will’s lips, hearing Benny’s not-so-subtle announcement that he was home, and Will carefully lifted his arm off of you to check the time on his watch, seeing it was well into the morning already and that having a visit with his brother was more than overdue.

You only stirred slightly when Will lifted himself off the bed, adjusting a little as your body subconsciously searched for his, and as he pulled on his boxers he allowed himself to admire you, never able to get over how stunning you were even in your sleep, how divine you looked naked in his bed.

He closed the door quietly behind him, but with all the racket Benny was creating he wasn’t sure why he even bothered, and made his way to the kitchen, shaking his head.

Benny looked at him with a big grin on his face as he entered the room, setting the pan back in the drawer that he had just taken out.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” he said through a laugh.

Will couldn’t help but laugh too, his grin stretching so wide it hurt his cheeks as he stepped toward his brother.

“You’re not fucking sorry.”

“You’re right, I’m not,” Benny admitted, wrapping his arms around Will’s back.

Will returned his embrace, both of them hitting each other firmly on the shoulder a couple of times.

“It’s good to see you, bro,” Will said, realizing he had missed his little brother more than he thought.

“Yeah, you too.”

Will studied Benny as they pulled away from each other, assessing his brother to make sure he wasn't missing if anything was wrong with him, meanwhile fully aware of the fact that he was the one who needed an eye kept on him.

Obviously sensing Will’s feelings, Benny lifted his chin and asked in a serious tone, “How’re you doing, man?”

“I'm good…yeah. I'm good.”

“Yeah?”

Will nodded in confirmation. “Yeah.”

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Benny grinned, his question pertaining to you, having seen your car parked in the driveway.

Will shrugged and looked away, unable to help the smile appearing on his face.

“She showed up,” he breathed, the relief he still felt over it showing.

Benny raised his hands to prompt Will for more. “And she's still here so…”

Will nodded again, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

“So what does this mean?”

“I don't know.” Will puffed the air out of his lungs, that bit of alleviation he had just felt tainted by doubt, the realization that you still hadn’t discussed anything making him worry.

Benny covered his face with his hands, groaning loudly.

“Oh my god, you two!” He let his hands fall, looking at Will exasperatedly. “You really just got right down to business, huh?”

Will huffed out a laugh, unable to defend himself. “Yeah.”

“Well stop fucking talking to me, go and figure this shit out!” Benny shouted, shoving Will on the shoulder to turn him around and point him back in the direction of his room.

“I know! Okay!” Will chuckled as he started to move. “Will you be around today?”

“I’m gonna give you two some space and go to the gym, but I’ll be home later.”

“Okay. How did your fight go?” he asked, realizing he hadn’t yet.

Benny smirked, his head held proudly. “Beat him with a 10-8.”

“Atta boy,” Will winked, clapping his shoulder.

“See you later, bro. Glad you’re home.”

“Thanks, Ben. See ya.”

Will walked the rest of the way to his room, carefully opening the door to find you still asleep, and his heart swelled.

He took his boxers off and slipped into bed, gathering you in his arms like you had been before, your sleepy moans making him smile.

His nose nuzzled into your neck, the warm scent of your skin the best thing to ever exist, and he pressed a kiss to the spot between your neck and shoulder, moving his mouth all across and back again, not able to resist.

A lazy hum sounded from you, your body moving against his as you began to wake, your bum rubbing against his groin in a way that made him moan and grind on you.

You rolled over to face him, a soft smile dressing your perfect lips, your eyes hazy with both sleep and adoration as you greeted him.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Will breathed, the weight of almost never experiencing this again hitting him hard.

You traced the line that flanked his mouth with your finger, ghosting it over his upper lip and then down to his bottom one, the fullness of them mesmerizing. Leaning toward him, you kissed him, softly and slowly, like you couldn’t kiss him enough to make up for the time that was lost.

A flood of emotions surged through you, feeling tears sting your eyes, your throat restricting and forcing you to pull away.

You could see the concern in his eyes, and you did your best to meet them but couldn’t, your blurred gaze falling to his chest instead.

“You hurt me.”

A breath shuddered out of him as he reached up and smoothed the side of your head, desperately again and again, his forehead leaning against yours as he fought off tears of his own.

“I know. I’m so sorry.”

He continued to hold your face, his fingers clawing your hair as you both focused on breathing, his nose nudging yours as he shook his head slightly.

“I don’t know what I can do to make it up to you,” he whispered, his voice full of remorse.

“Just be here,” you muttered, taking his hand and holding it in yours, squeezing it. “I can’t go through that again, Will. You need to let me be here for you.”

He nodded, his words small when he spoke. “I know.”

You inhaled deeply, continuing to try to muster your courage to keep speaking.

“I get why…Benny told me about the nightmare – I just wish you felt you could’ve trusted me to understand. I know that I’ll never be able to fathom the things you’ve been through but I can try, Will.”

“I was so stupid,” he muttered. “Of course I trust you. I wasn’t thinking…I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared…”

The shake in his voice and the look in his eyes broke your heart, seeing him so dejected and full of shame, making your tears come out faster.

“It’s okay,” you cried, angling your face toward his more, your lips brushing.

“That nightmare was so real. I couldn't handle the thought of actually hurting you and I'm still convinced I could. You know what I did to that guy in Publix…” he explained, thinking of all the other heinous things he’d done to other human beings.

“That's not going to happen, Will. I don't believe you could ever hurt me.”

“But I did hurt you–” he choked, his eyes so full of pain.

“Will…It's okay. We're okay. I forgive you.”

You kept repeating it, hoping he would believe it, your lips moving to kiss each other tenderly.

Will separated his mouth from yours after a minute, but remained close, his eyes searching over your features as his hand broke the connection with yours, moving it up to cup your cheek and smooth his thumb over it.

“I love you,” he confessed, a surety finally held in his words.

“I love you too, Will,” you returned, a sob following, and he kissed the streaks of tears from your cheeks, eventually moving to your lips.

It wasn’t long before he was covering you with his body, kissing you breathlessly while settling between your legs, his rigid cock nudging your core.

He pushed inside you, stretching you out until you were full of him, his mouth moving off of yours to allow you to take a gasping breath, his nose nuzzling your cheek as the rest of him remained still.

“You’re my everything,” he whispered, resting his forehead on yours as you breathed together, relishing in him being inside you unmoving.

He flexed his cock, and you moaned quietly at the sensation, responding by squeezing your walls around him, your mouths beginning to tease each other again.

“I thought I’d lost you, Will.”

He shook his head, his brows knitted together. “I'm here, sweetheart.”

Will shifted to wrap his arms underneath your body, fully laying on you and holding you as close to him as he could, his cock moving within you as he adjusted making you gasp.

He stilled again, his eyes flickering up from your chest to your lips and then to your own loving gaze, breathing out before crashing his lips against yours.

You tried moving your hips, needing to feel him move inside you, only to have him press himself down harder on you to stop you.

“Shh, not yet, baby. Just let me feel you.”

He stole your air as he kissed you again, hard and claiming, his body heavy and secure on yours, nothing moving on each other but your lips as his tongue filled your mouth.

You felt his cock pulse against your walls, making you even more desperate for him, your fervor increasing wildly as you clenched around him in a tight grip.

He growled against your lips, still trying to hold off, but the feel of your hands beginning to run up and down his back, clawing and tearing at his flesh had him fighting off the urge to take you hard and fast.

As slowly as he could, Will dragged himself out of you, all but his leaking tip, and plunged back in as deep as possible, feeling your soaked hole encase him and your walls flutter around him, swallowing your whines as you writhed beneath him.

He repeated the movement, all the way out and back in again, his mouth leaving yours to travel down your neck, sucking and kissing your sensitive skin as the sound of your intoxicating moans filled the air.

His thrusts were slow but forceful, moving the bed with each blow, the build-up to this bringing you close to your climax quickly.

“I love you,” he uttered against your skin, his lips smearing across your chest as he continued to drive into you hard and purposefully.

“I-I love you too!” you wailed, on the verge of more tears as your body tipped on the edge of bliss, the claim of his love spurring your pleasure even more.

Hearing you return it seemed to encourage him too, his movements growing more powerful, his grunts like music to your ears, and feeling you were close to coming apart, he kissed you again, commanding and needy as you both sought your end.

He held you in the tightest grip as your body tensed and spasmed, bucking into you deeply as he filled you with his hot seed, continuing to move his hips until his cum was leaking out of you.

Your hands ran through his hair, both of you breathless when you halted your kissing, Will’s eyes full of emotion as he looked at you.

“I mean it, sweetheart,” he stressed. “I love you so damn much. I’m so sorry I did that to you.”

He turned his face and kissed the palm of your hand as you cupped his cheek, feeling the softness of his beard against it as you nodded in agreement.

“I know, Will. I know. I love you too.”

He smiled despite tears appearing in his eyes, leaning down to kiss you again, his breath shaking into you.

You stayed as you were for as long as you could, taking each other in as if all the ways you had memorized each other wasn’t enough to satisfy the time you were apart.

Will laid on your chest, his face turned to the side to give you a view of the way his golden eyelashes touched his cheeks, how the hair around his mouth was bleached lighter than the rest, feeling his heart beating against your stomach.

His long fingers ran patterns up and down your waist, following the curve of your hip, the veins that ran through his skin like rivers prominent on his forearms even through his tattoos.

“Where do we go from here?” you wondered out loud, playing with his hair idly, questioning whether it would be better or not to drop right back in where you were before, if it was even possible.

Will sighed, and you watched his eyebrows rise on his forehead. He didn't speak right away, the way he was carefully configuring his answer clear on his features, and after a minute, he sighed again and turned his head, pressing a kiss on your stomach.

“I don't know,” he said, honestly. “I think it might be wise not to rush things…” He paused, shaking his head slightly as he blew air out of his mouth again. “But we said that before and didn't manage that very well.”

He turned his head to look at you and chuckled while you smiled, nodding in agreement.

“I understand if you're hesitant or don't trust me,” he continued, his tone changing to be more serious. “And I can't blame you for that. I know how badly I messed up.”

He propped himself up and shifted, moving up to collect you in his arms and lay beside you on the pillows, switching positions so you rested your head on his chest instead, your lips grazing over the warm skin on his thick pecs.

The truth was that there was no way you could hesitate on loving him, your heart set on belonging to him no matter what you faced, and despite what had happened, you knew you would trust Will with keeping it safe and not breaking it again.

You tilted your head to meet his gaze, your finger reaching up to trace the line beside his mouth, knowing that even if you agreed to take things slow, there was no such thing when it came to your love.

Summarizing it all in the best way you knew how, you smiled and brought your face close to his, your lips brushing his when you spoke.

“All-in. I’m all-in, Will.”

He smiled and you saw his eyes glistening before he rubbed his nose against yours, his hand coming up to hold your face to keep you close to him.

“All-in, sweetheart.”

“Will! WILL!”

His name cut through the dense air in your piercing voice, making a shiver run down his spine, the sweat on the back of his neck feeling like drips of ice.

He looked right and left, everything black, and all he could do was listen, being as still as possible to try to figure out which direction your screams were coming from despite wanting to run as fast as he could to get to you, but all he could hear now was his cold blood pounding in his ears.

“Will!”

Again, only further away this time, and he whipped around only to continue facing complete darkness, his panic rising with each second that passed.

He started sprinting, hearing you begging for your life, your cries and struggle becoming clearer and closer as he moved.

His body hit a wall, his hands frantically searching it for something other than the smooth, hard surface, unable to find its end in his sightless hunt. Reaching a door, he turned the handle only to find it locked, immediately starting to slam his body against it to try to force it open.

Your screams increased, just on the other side, your desperation growing in knowing he was right there, but the door wouldn’t budge.

Will kicked and rammed his shoulder into it over and over, his breathing ragged and laboured as he tried to work through his panic, and finally, it gave in.

He stumbled through, his eyes frantically searching for where you should be, only to find the space where he had so vividly heard your screams completely empty.

“Will! Please!” you wailed, the sound distant again and making his stomach lurch that he couldn’t get to you.

Room after room appeared, all of them empty even though he swore he could hear you in each one, and he began yelling back for you, trying to keep you talking so he was able to follow your pained voice.

“No! No, please!” he heard you beg, your voice full of terror and quieter than it had been before, and then it was silent.

Will continued to search every room, and after opening the doors of about twenty more, he finally found you laying in the center of the room.

You were facing the other way, unmoving, your form limp on the cold, concrete floor.

His heart was in his throat, and he could barely capture a breath, stepping toward you hesitantly in fear of what he was about to discover.

His knees struck the ground and he reached for you, pulling on your shoulder to turn you over, the cold of your skin telling him exactly what he already knew.

A sob escaped his mouth before his cries filled the air, tears blurring the sight of your lifeless face, the colour of your lips darkened by death.

He pawed at you, trying to shake you awake, his mouth instinctively covering yours to try to give you his air even though he knew it was pointless.

Something cold fell against his hand and he stopped his efforts to revive you, bile rising in his throat when his eyes focused enough to see what it was.

Two silver tags were dangling from your neck, the chain wrapped so tightly around your throat that it was embedded in your flesh, your skin marked with bruises and cuts from it cutting off your air flow, the information listed in the embossed writing all things Will knew by heart.

MILLER

WILLIAM J.

196-37-5436

O POS

NONE

Will screamed himself awake, flying up in bed gasping for air, his cheeks wet with tears and his heart furiously pounding in his chest so hard he clapped his hand over it in fear it would stop or jump out.

His panic continued, realizing you weren’t in bed with him, his body shaking as he tore the twisted sheets off his legs and stood.

With the nightmare so fresh in his head, every door he passed had him feeling sick, but he pressed on, moving toward the kitchen in the dark as quickly as he could.

His feet nearly slipped on the hardwood floor from his sweat, his breathing not slowing, and a relieved gasp shuddered out of him when he stepped into the kitchen and saw you standing at the counter pouring yourself a glass of water.

The small light above the stove illuminated your half-clothed body, his t-shirt covering just enough to keep you modest, and you turned around the moment you heard him come in.

“Hey, I–,” you started, your face falling in seeing the state he was in. “Will, what happened?”

You basically threw your glass in the sink and stepped toward him, holding either side of his face where you searched his wild eyes, his breathing short and gulping in his distress.

“Will, listen to me, breathe…” you stressed, trying your best to keep calm, forcing your own breaths slowly out of your mouth to get him to follow suit.

He nodded in your hands, his eyes closing as he worked to focus, the skin around them crinkling in his efforts that almost seemed to cause him pain.

You counted slowly, your voice calm and even, feeling your heart break the longer it went on and he had only settled slightly.

“Will, look at me, I’m here,” you reminded him, exhaling again as his eyes flashed open and locked with yours, his head shaking back and forth as he swallowed hard and his broken voice echoed in the kitchen.

“It happened again–”

You gathered him in your arms, thankful when he did the same, his grip on you so tight you wondered if your ribs would crack but didn’t care, soothingly running your fingers up and down his wet back as he gripped at you like he needed to prove you were there.

“It’s okay. It’s not real.”

You repeated it over and over until he eventually relaxed against you, his mouth smearing across your neck before peppering kisses onto it, his hands still groping and pawing at your form.

He sighed out deeply as he peeled away from you, his hands running up your waist where they pulled your shirt up with them, his eyes switching to have a desperation in them that differed from before.

Will clasped your face and angled it toward him, leaning down to capture your lips in a tender kiss, able to feel the tremble in his fingers from his lingering panic.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he breathed.

You returned his kiss. Once, then twice.

“Are you okay?”

He leaned his forehead on yours, sighing out slowly again.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’m okay. You’re okay…” he said, reassuring himself.

He kissed you again, deeper this time, drawing in a long inhale as he did.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he whispered when he parted the seal of your lips briefly, taking another breath before crashing against them again.

You moaned into his mouth, your legs feeling weak to his advances, feeling his cock hardening against you through his boxers.

His tongue explored your mouth, his fervor increasing quickly thanks to the adrenaline coursing through him, his hands slipping under your shirt to stroke your naked sex.

“Will…” you breathed, inhaling sharply as he slid his fingers between your folds and fingered you.

He kissed down your neck and then up to your ear, his breath making your shiver, and as he hooked his fingers inside you to massage your g-spot, he grabbed your earlobe with his teeth and tugged on it, a low growl making you melt.

“Turn around, sweetheart,” he growled, not giving you the chance to comply as he guided you to face the counter before you could even move.

You planted your hands on the ledge, gripping it tightly while spreading your legs apart and hinging slightly at your hips, granting him access to where you both needed him to be.

You heard him tear down his boxers, and you gasped when you felt his cock land between your legs, nudging at your center where he dragged it back and forth, his lips landing on your neck while his hands grabbed at the hem of your shirt to lift it over your ass.

“I need you, baby,” he groaned, kissing your neck until you were squirming.

You tilted your head to expose more of you, sighing out as you relished in the feel of his lips on the space between your shoulder and nape.

“I'm right here, Will,” you assured, permitting him to do what he wanted with you while reminding him that whatever happened in his tortured mind was false.

His hand splayed out over your stomach, holding you against him as he pushed inside you, and you let your head fall back onto his shoulder as he began sliding in and out of you, his pace determined and steady.

You reached your arm up behind you, your fingers finding his hair, raking through it while he continued to kiss and suck on your neck as he fucked you, his hand that was on your belly falling to your clit where he rubbed it purposefully.

“Fuck, Will…” you moaned, your breathing growing ragged with each second that passed with him rutting into you.

His hand that wasn’t between your legs explored you everywhere else, pulling at your nipples through the worn cotton of his t-shirt, the soft plush of your breasts being squeezed in his large palm, grabbing at you desperately and thoroughly.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” he growled beside your ear, his thrusts increasing. “I need to feel you cream on my cock.”

His demand and the sensation of his mouth continuing to attack your neck sent you over the edge, his dick slamming against your g-spot and his fingers toying your swollen clit making you do exactly as you were told, feeling your release soak his fat cock.

Will didn’t falter, keeping his tempo with his hand planted firmly on your cunt, the only change being his breathing turning ragged and his grunting sounding louder in your ear.

“Again,” he ordered, “I want to keep feeling you.”

The tone of his voice made you gasp, your arousal pushed beyond any limits, knowing he couldn’t get enough of feeling you fluttering and squeezing and creaming around him keeping that heat billowing at the base of your spine.

You rocked to his movements, meeting him in his thrusts, equally as eager to feel him fill you up and throb inside you at the same time you lost all control again.

You tore at his forearms, clawing him frantically as you leaned back against him, relying on him to keep you upright instead of bracing yourself on the counter.

“That’s it,” he purred in your ear. “I’m right there, too. I need you to come with me.”

“Fuck!” you wailed, your pleasure spiking as his one hand squeezed your breast, plucking and pinching your hard nipple between his fingers.

“You feel so fucking good, sweetheart,” he groaned. “I love you so much.”

Will held you tighter, keeping you as close to him as possible as he slammed into you, his lips landing on your neck where he could feel your pulse hammering against them.

You were completely alive, breathing and writhing with life in his arms, your blood flowing in every part he touched, his hands awakening every fiber in you.

There was no questioning the falsity of his dream now, your euphoria solidifying your vitality, your body full of life as it shuddered with vigor because of him, the devastation of being the reason you wouldn’t breathe again leaving him with each second he was encased in you.

His hips stuttered as he emptied himself deep inside you, coating your walls that pulsed around him, his eyes falling closed as he began to slow his movements and relished in feeling your hand reaching up to card through his hair.

You hummed softly, the sound vibrating on his lips that he kept pressed on your neck, breathing you in as he listened to your heart thrumming strong and steadily, your body relaxing against his as you both came down to a place of calm.

When he slipped out of you, you spun around, looking up at him sweetly with the most warmth and care in your eyes.

“I love you too, Will,” you whispered, your hands laying flat on his bare chest where you smoothed them upward, holding his scruffy face in your hands. “More than anything.”

He huffed a small laugh, one corner of his mouth lifting as he gave a coy smile, making you love him even more than you thought possible.

“Are you ready to go back to bed?” you asked, wondering if his terror from his nightmare had dissipated or if the thought of closing his eyes again filled him with dread.

He hummed, looking down at the floor before back at you. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep,” he admitted.

“That’s okay. I’m happy to stay awake with you.” You leaned in and kissed his lips softly, pulling away only slightly, dropping your voice to a murmur. “Whatever you need from me, Will, I’m here.”

Your words held so much more than just one meaning, making the ache and residual panic in his heart settle even more, and he found he couldn’t stop staring at the vibrance of your eyes, the spirit in them helping bring him a sense of ease.

“I just need you,” he spoke, his voice quiet but rough with a mix of lust and strain from his anxiety.

Will didn’t exactly want to return to his bed, preferring to stay in the kitchen or go lay with you on the couch, but knew you had already risked enough by having sex where you did, aware that Benny could’ve walked in at any point.

Accepting it was the only option, Will sighed and held your hand, taking you with him to his room, happy with the fact that no matter where he was, being with you was where he felt safe and at home.

You went to crawl back into bed when you got inside and shut the door, but Will stopped you, tugging your hand that was still entwined with his, pulling you into him.

You smiled against his lips, your foreheads touching, and Will breathed, closing his eyes as he let his hands roam your body.

“Hang on, sweetheart,” he whispered, his hands grabbing the hem of your shirt to pull it over your head.

His face dove to your neck, kissing a trail over your collarbone and down to your chest, his hands grabbing at your warm, supple flesh, every touch another reminder that you were very much alive.

He moved lower, sinking to his knees as he went, his mouth sucking and smearing wet kisses over your stomach and now your thighs.

Your hands wove through his hair, your breathy moans sounding above him as you anticipated the next part of you he would touch, giving him more evidence that he needed to forget the things his mind had tried to trick him into believing.

As Will met your cunt with his lips, slowly and tantalizingly licking through your folds, he vowed to spend every moment awake loving you, your body his refuge and temple to worship, your heart beating with a furious love just the same as his.

It was fairly quiet considering it was Sunday, and for that, Will was thankful.

You had already navigated the grocery store together, something he had come to appreciate more than you would ever understand, and were now making a quick stop at the hardware store.

Running errands with you put him at ease, the seemingly simple and mundane task typically a feat for him to tackle, but he knew he could face anything as long as he was with you.

“Oh, we should pop in the bakery after,” you suggested, looking out the window somewhat excitedly as Will parked in front of the hardware store beside it.

“You can run in now if you want.”

You turned your head to look at him questioningly, your eyes searching him to verify the confidence in his recommendation, clearly worried and always fully aware that he didn’t like going into stores solo.

“It’s okay, I can just go in with you and we can go together after,” you tried, only to make Will shake his head as he reached his hand over the console and took yours.

“I’m fine, I’m only grabbing light bulbs and some oil for the lawn mower, I promise I won’t hurt anyone.”

You smiled only when his own grin stretched out on his face, a look of understanding and surety appearing on your features.

“Okay, sounds good.”

You went to reach for the door handle, only to be stopped by him tugging the hand he wouldn’t let go of toward him, turning back to face him where he leaned over the center that separated the two seats.

“Not without a kiss,” he purred, looking at your lips through his long eyelashes that gleamed in the sunlight.

You smiled and met your lips with his, lingering a moment before you could get too carried away.

“See you soon, sweetheart.”

Will was thankful for his pleasant enough experience, quickly finding what he needed and reaching the cash register to check out without any interactions with anyone other than the older gentleman who owned the store and rang him through, walking out of the door that chimed as he left while tucking his wallet back in the back pocket of his jeans.

He looked up as he took a couple steps, only to stop dead in his tracks, seeing you standing outside the bakery having what looked like a too-friendly of a conversation with a man he had never seen before.

He did his best to assess the situation, trying to read the body language of both you and him, and the longer he took in the scene, the angrier he grew.

You seemed somewhat nervous or uncomfortable, touching your hair a little more than normal, taking a subtle step back as the man leaned in closer.

Your polite giggle filled the air, and the man beamed whenever you did, his eyes unashamedly flickering all over your body and constantly on your chest, making the rage inside Will bubble to the surface.

“I’d still really like to take you out for that dinner,” he heard the man say, and before Will could hesitate any longer, he was closing the distance between you.

The man smirked and tilted his head slightly, eyeing Will up and down when he approached and immediately landed his hand on the small of your back, glancing lower to watch you place your hand on Will’s stomach that rose and fell with deep breaths.

“Sorry…uh, I’m Cam,” he introduced, shooting Will a confused look as he extended his hand.

Will didn’t accept it, instead continuing to stare him down, his voice tense when he spoke.

“Did you get what you needed, sweetheart?” he asked you, still holding eye contact with the stranger he was imagining landing a right hook to his square jaw.

“Yeah, I did, I’m ready to go,” you said sweetly, a nervous shake noticeable in your voice.

Will could feel the tension coursing through you, your muscles rigid as you walked to the truck with his hand still on your back, looking at the ground until you reached the passenger door that he opened for you.

He closed it once you hopped in, glancing over at the man who was staring in your direction, Will remaining fixed in place until this ‘Cam’ finally surrendered and turned to walk away.

Will sighed as he walked around the front of the truck, getting in and closing the door, but not slamming it like he wanted to.

“Will I–” you began, stammering to explain.

“It’s fine,” he cut off, his tone sharp. “I broke up with you.”

He was more mad at himself than anything else, still unable to believe how stupid he was for having let you go, a flood of emotions running through his veins.

He breathed out slowly, nodding and closing his eyes when he felt the soft comfort of your hand cover his.

“How could I have expected it not to happen? Look at you, you're the most gorgeous woman in the world and I let you go.”

“Nothing happened,” you stated, the surety in your voice making Will turn to look at you. “I was out with Nicole and Grace and he came over to our table. He asked for my number and if I was interested in going for dinner with him. I wasn’t even thinking, I was numb…” you paused, the remembrance of your hurt plastered on your face. “I said yes but never followed through. I was in line at the bakery and he was there behind me and said hello.”

Will nodded, relieved at your words, but still found it difficult to come up with his own.

He swallowed hard and looked straight ahead out the windshield at the people passing by on the sidewalk, remembering all too well how it felt to know his ex was cheating on him every time he deployed, yet never once did he feel as possessive and threatened as he did now.

“You have nothing to worry about, Will,” you assured, squeezing his hand three times, giving a soft smile when he finally looked over at you. “I love you. I only want you, and that was the same even when you weren’t with me.”

Will leaned over and kissed you, hard and claiming, his hand holding the side of your face in a grip that told you just as much as his kiss did.

There was a mix of things in his wild, cerulean eyes when he pulled away from you, making your heart hammer even faster in your chest.

“I don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, sweetheart,” he began. “But I will spend every second trying to.”

---

Taglist:

@sotwk @dailydragon08 @sunnys-day @thedreadandthefugitivemind @glassgulls

@littlenosoul @glitterypirateduck @momia2910 @maggotzombie @rmwarn90

@paintlavillered @casa-boiardi @stealfromthedevil @kmc1989 @justreblogginfics

@spaghettificationandpretzels @whatever-lmaoo @steviebbboi @charethcutestory02

@christinhunnam @hp-hogwartsexpress

#10/10 would read again🥹#more like infinity/10 would read again🥹#author rec pookies👻🌸#top tier writer🙂‍↔️#top tier writing🤞🏾#one of my faves😍#pure talent 🤩

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dearestones · 2 years ago

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Marble Hornets Matchup: Sarah Reid

Warnings: Fluff.

@vbee-miya Request: yoo! could I get a romantic marble hornets matchup?! or if your comfortable i wouldn’t mind any creepypasta character.

i’m 18, pansexual so i don’t have any gender preference. they just have to be smart 🫡

appearance: long dark brown wavy/curly hair, dark brown eyes with glasses, 5’2 filipino. my clothing style is dark academia leaning though I mix it a lot with casual street wear like cargo pants or very baggy clothes.

music type: very alt rock, indie rock, r&b

dislikes: ladybugs and sand

bit of my personality: talkative, over-thinker, enthusiastic, ambivert, jokester, religious as i am christian, witty, opinionated, quirky but rather I like to say eccentric, imaginative, aggressive, adventurous, spontaneous, outspoken, intellectual

thanks much

After going through the description given, I believe that you best pair well with Sarah Reid!

Oh my gosh, Sarah adores your sense of style! Sarah prefers casual clothing, but even she can see just how regal and sophisticated you look when you wear dark academia clothing. How can she land such an attractive person such as yourself? Furthermore, she finds you just as irresistible when you’re dressed in baggy clothing. The fact that you can mix and match such opposing styles grabs at Sarah’s attention.

Sarah also adores your glasses. She finds that you’re adorable with them on because they magnify your eyes. (Has anyone ever told you that your eyes are so pretty to look at? She swears that she can get lost in them!) Furthermore, you’re so short! Are you trying to kill her with such cuteness? All she wants to do is scoop you up in your arms and swing you around.

(Please let her. It’s her one wish).

You have a good sense of taste when it comes to music. Sarah herself likes some good ole hard rock from the eighties so maybe the both of you can bond over that. (Also, please recommend some bands! Sarah is always looking for new things to enjoy so maybe you can indulge her. If you’re willing, she’s also more than happy to listen to Filipino music! Do you listen to Gloc-9?)

And since you’re such an adorable little couple, please please please teach Sarah some words from your native language! It doesn’t matter if you speak Tagalog, Ilocano, Cebuano, etc. She’ll want to know as much of your language as possible so she can tease you with it. (Yes, before you ask, teasing is her main love language so please tease her back to show that you care! …you should also probably know that she would also like to know your favorite swear words in Filipino because wouldn’t that be hilarious?)

Sarah absolutely loves talking to you! Your opinions, jokes, and quick wit make for an interesting combination that definitely keeps Sarah on her toes. It’s a good thing for you that Sarah is just as quick thinking with a heavy dose of sarcasm mixed with dry humor. There might be times when her humor might be a tad too biting for you, so please make sure that you let her know if she ever hurts your feelings. The last thing Sarah wants to do is make you feel less than her. In return, you can always tease Sarah back—she’ll take it for sure and if she can’t, she’ll tell you as well.

Go out on spontaneous dates with Sarah! She always likes a great adventure and with you, she feels so alive. Just be sure that if you do go out in the woods that you don’t go at night. And there are no abandoned hospitals or houses. Or a dark tunnel. Actually, you know what? Maybe you should ditch creepy forests for the time being, there are other adventures the both of you can go on, right?

Finally, Sarah really admires your intelligence! Although she has majored in theatre, she is just as opinionated and well educated in a number of topics. Feel free to debate with her over a number of politics ranging from politics and the sciences to the themes of well known books and plays. As long as the both of you spend time together honing each other’s knowledge, then you should be fine.

Overall, a splendid match! The both of you are fairly down to earth, yet complement each other very well! Just be sure that you don’t step on each others toes too often when you exchange playful verbal blows.

If you want to donate a Ko-Fi, feel free https://ko-fi.com/devintrinidad.

MARBLE HORNETS MASTERLIST

#marble hornets #marble hornets matchup #mh matchup #marble hornets sarah #mh sarah #mh sarah reid #marble hornets sarah reid #sarah reid #sarah reid matchup #dearestones #devintrinidad #character matchup #matchup

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shoeshineyboy · 3 years ago

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ace attorney characters based on how happy I’d be to work for them, as a former legal admin assistant

1. Mia Fey: makes money, hence the lamp and also partner. decent layout of the office. can keep a plant alive. clearly knows what she’s doing. she keeps ungodly hours, but given that she managed to get murdered in the office alone, I feel like she’s very much the “I’m going to be staying until god knows when, so go home” type boss. I appreciate that. I feel like she brings snacks in.

2. Gregory Edgeworth: see now he also keeps ungodly hours but since he works in the 90s/00s, I feel like he doesn’t own a cell phone with which to let me know, while he’s offsite, that I can leave the keys to the office under the doormat and go home. however he canonically keeps coffee at the office, and he has an apprentice, which means less long-winded busywork for me (Ray must’ve done something before the Inherited Turnabout is all I’m saying!)

3. Kristoph Gavin: I don’t like this, but it’s true. prior to the murder thing he was making bank and had an established office, which means it’s probably well-staffed and I wouldn’t be left doing pointless busywork. I feel like he straight-up ignores admin staff unless he needs something, which, honestly, is fine. I’m busy.

4. Apollo Justice: I feel like he probably picked up some good habits from Kristoph and I can’t believe I’m saying that. he’d be more polite, I’m sure, but he’s also inexperienced, which means his files are going to be a fucking state. also, crucially, he doesn’t have an office, so I have to dock points.

5. Raymond Shields: buggers off to different country for years, but keeps the office open. I am working remotely or coming in if I want to. this is the dream. I think his filing system is erratic at best and batshit insane at worst, though. also, the man eats paper. putting files together for him would be an unending nightmare of Missing Shit. “Mr Shields, where’s the form with the witness’ address?” “I ate it” “I am going to kill you”

6. Marvin Grossberg: loaded. massive office. lots of staff. unfortunately I might have to listen to him talk about his hemorrhoids, and if I have to speak to Redd White or, god forbid, Robert Hammond, I am resigning.

7. Miles Edgeworth: he would be polite. he would have reasonable expectations. like Ray, he’s also never fucking there. however, one day, he’s going to be talking to me about something and will insist on making me walk to his office with him. if he makes me walk up twelve flights of stairs, I’ll give him a reason to fear them more than elevators.

8. Phoenix Wright: he doesn’t know how to use a computer. the number of emails is going to be insane and it’s giving me a headache just thinking about it. I also hate to judge like this, but he’s skint, and, not being funny, if I’m trying to organise any of his bullshit cases I’m expecting something a bit better than aldi chocolate rolls.

9. Winston Payne: this job would be fucking boring but it’d be straightforward, and sometimes, that’s what you need. he wouldn’t talk to me, which is nice.

10. Klavier Gavin: he would be lovely. he would be so, so sweet. he would bring me starbucks AND remember my order. unfortunately his office looks like a teenage boy’s bedroom- that is, a complete shithole, and it’d more than likely fall to me to try and organise it.

11. Simon Blackquill: pros: bird that’s trained to buy booze. cons: Fulbright is definitely a morning person and I’m not. also, he’s in prison. I probably don’t have much of a job.

12. Nahyuta Sadmadhi: he asked me to organise access to the airport’s gold lounge for him with 20 minutes’ notice.

13. Godot/Diego Armando: I swear to christ I have worked with someone who showed me exactly what working for Godot would be like. fucking coffee cups all over the fucking building like a FUCKING scavenger hunt every single bastard day. I wouldn’t get any actual work done I’d be doing his stupid mug hunt every time he fancies another brew, which is all the shitting time.

14. Franziska von Karma: she should’ve ranked higher because she ticks a lot of boxes (money, absent), but she also carries a fucking whip. I also love her but she grew up rich as fuck and I just Know her attitude is going to be abysmal. “fool” mate you’re the one who wrote their notes in German, google translate and I are doing our best out here.

15. Athena Cykes: acts like a highschooler because she is one. I love Athena as a character, but I would not love her as an employee of hers.

16. Sebastian Debeste: I’m not working for a fucking seventeen-year-old.

17. Robert Hammond: I hate him. he wouldn’t speak to me except to snap at me. he bought me a shite £1.85 americano from the office coffee machine once and then asked me to pay him back.

18. Manfred von Karma: what are you trying to prove, old man? why are you such a shiter? I’m being expected to organise documents for meetings I’m not even allowed to know about because it’s all under the table illegal bullshit. I feel like my job’s on the line because I nodded to Greg in the queue for the gas station once when I was off the clock. this cunt believes in professionalism outside the workplace but also has a cabinet of whiskey in his office.

#ace attorney #just trust me

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i-am-adlocked · 2 months ago

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TLDR: I’m a Mary stan but Mary did kill Sherlock and very much intended for him to die.

GET READY FOR A META ON MY THEORY REGARDING WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN MAGNUSSEN’S OFFICE AND THE SCENE IN 221B

I love Mary before and even after being an antagonist. Altho I do admit I was quite disappointed that a “normal” character ended up being not normal too lmao but at least we still have Lestrade 😩

And I am a Mary stan.

However, Mary did in fact kill him. Like, that’s the exact point of the whole thing.

And Sherlock wasn’t actually manipulating her into believing that he thinks she didn’t intend to kill him.

His reasoning was: You didn’t kill me quickly because John was there. If I died, he would be the prime suspect and Magnussen can lie about being a witness and he’s powerful enough to do that.

But I do believe he is very much aware that Mary wanted to kill him when he arrived. But Mary asked “Is John with you? Is John here?” but of course Sherlock was in shock.

Mary shot Sherlock to silence him but be “alive” enough to reach the hospital and have John be an “honest” witness about what happened. Thus, taking away John as a suspect.

If Mary shot Magnussen and not Sherlock, both him and John are immediate suspects because there are definitely witnesses around to incriminate them. They didn’t even wear disguises huhu

And when he said. “No, Mrs. Watson, you won’t.” after she threatened that she will kill him. He was smug because he probably thought she was bluffing and he was also leading her choices by reminding her of John. Don’t shoot me. I am reminding you that John is near. Your HUSBAND. Whom you love very much. Who will be a suspect if you kill me right now. So you won’t kill me.

The only mistake he had was not expecting her to shoot him anyway. And don’t tell me he expected it even a little bit. His brain after being shot was focused on not dying. He probably concluded all of that after waking up and hearing Mary threaten him. “You don’t tell John.” That’s when he found out her motives on killing him.

Only thing he knew so far was that Mary is about to kill Magnussen. He was more worried of Mary killing Magnussen so he wanted to help her. He wasn’t entirely sure of her motives yet except that Magnussen is threatening her for a MASSIVE secret.

Because Mary could have just walked away. If her intention is to only… not make them suspects. She didn’t need to shoot anyone, but she didn’t.

She wanted her secret kept. She was gonna silence Sherlock even if it meant giving him a small amount of time to be alive enough to reach a hospital before being declared dead.

Plus we have no actual evidence that Mary called an ambulance after shooting Sherlock. There also wasn’t evidence that Magnussen became unconscious after she hit him.

Our only “evidence” is Sherlock’s words but we all know he can be an unreliable narrator.

Sherlock claimed if it was John’s call, he would have died. Which is why Mary’s call was what saved him.

But I found a flaw in this deduction: in the flashback, we see Mary picking up Magnussen’s phone to call 999. But first of all: she is a woman with a very much female voice using the phone of Charles Magnussen.

Since it was a shooting and Lestrade is aware of it, of course the call to 999 would have also been investigated. Who called? Where did they call? Plus, the operator would have said it was a female voice and may provide the number of who called which would have lead to Magnussen’s phone number.

Even if Mary gets rid of the phone, the police would know there is an extra person that night and it wasn’t Janine because she was also unconscious at the time of the crime.

The reason Magnussen was kept alive, Sherlock said that since she can’t kill Magnussen since he and John were there, she let him live because Magnussen would have lied to the police about who shot Sherlock. Because getting Mary arrested would be way too easy and it would be even better for him to blackmail her about the whole thing so she can do whatever he wants or in Magnussen’s words, he can control Mycroft through Mary.

I have reasons to believe that this is exactly why it was Magnussen who called 999. Not Mary.

Mary didn’t need Sherlock to die in hospital. She could have let him die in the ambulance. It wouldn’t be that much of a difference.

The fact that it wasn’t investigated on who called the ambulance, because 999 probably said: male voice and confirmed male witnesses in the time of the crime. They didn’t need further investigation.

To be honest, if Sherlock did die, I’d give Mary my respect as an antagonist. Because she would have won with hiding her secret. I don’t think she’s a villain because she’s not exactly evil. She’s morally grey. Because she didn’t kill Sherlock because she hates him or because he would have broken her and John.

She killed Sherlock for herself because her past would have broken them up. Not Sherlock. She killed him because she needed to, not because she wanted to. She didn’t want John to know about her. It just so happened that Sherlock was the one who found out. She probably would have killed any witnesses anyway but Sherlock was even more of a threat to her secret because she knew he would tell John.

And if she succeeded, I would have been getting my glowsticks and be dancing that she won as an antagonist but I will also get mad at her because Sherlock is my favorite character lmao

Her only motive for the murder was that she was keeping her secret from her husband.

And you can tell she didn’t want to kill him. She was so sorry when she first shot him. That was her more genuine feeling upon the whole thing. No time to think. And everything was so surprising because she wasn’t expecting Sherlock to be there either. Of course the next time she was threatening him, I do believe she was putting on an act. To seem emotionless, less vulnerable, less desperate. Also to put a distance between what she doesn’t want to do and what she feels she needs to do.

PLUS let me just point out that it is heavily implied Sherlock could have died twice because of the shooting.

First, Sherlock restarted his heart in the hospital.

And when he called the ambulance to go to 221B, he said “You may need to restart my heart on the way,” which means that he deduced that he will flatline on the way to the hospital.

We just don’t know if he would have been declared dead the second time around.

And honestly, I find this second ambulance much more… telling of Sherlock’s devotion to John than the first one.

In the first trip to hospital, Sherlock did die. He was ready to die too. The Moriarty in his brain represents his fears and the “bad” thoughts in his brain. For this purposes, I’ll say Sherlock’s name itself to replace brain-Moriarty.

Sherlock asks himself why? Why does he never feel pain? And then he himself said nah he’s always in pain but that he didn’t have to fear it because he fears the pain. And at that point, he said he was gonna love being dead. Kinda fucked up right?

Of course, he restarted his own life not because “John will cry.” When he thought it, he didn’t push himself. He was fine with leaving John again for good… that was until his brain said John was in danger. He needed to save John and keep him safe. Which is yes devoting of him but also it’s very Sherlock. Not just Sherlock being loyal to John but it’s just very him. That’s his core. He wants to keep people safe. To save people. No matter what.

But the second ambulance? He really let himself get worse and worse until his heart started being erratic just to show “evidence” to John that Mary “saved” him by stating the 8-minute mark. He let himself almost die again so John can let out his anger freely in 221B, can get John to “see” Mary as a client because of the setting of 221B, and to be able to show both John and Mary what he has concluded so far as soon as possible.

Because if Sherlock waited to tell his deductions after the second trip to the hospital, John would have isolated himself and refuse to talk and have a lot more time to get angry at Mary and refuse to see her which would mean he wouldn’t hear her side of the story. And Mary would probably run away while he was still in hospital.

Sherlock loves both John and Mary. And knew that letting himself die again would at least make it less… bad between them compared to if he waited after he was okay.

Anyway.

I love Mary because she can be sweet and kind, but she also can be selfish and consciously do bad things. I’m a Mary stan but I am not a Mary apologist. I love her because of her wrongs too.

How do you justify the statement "Mary killed sherlock" if he's... not dead? Even if the hospital scene is not a part of mind palace, the moment when Sherlock was considered dead was brief and ended/ He is not dead. She did not kill him.

Anon.

I’m not sure if you’re doing this to rile me up again, I’m not wasting my time if you’re not going to read anything I am writing because it was linked in the recent post that was reblogged.

I and others, many who LIKE MARY AS A CHARACTER PRE-S4, answered this question here. In the post that was linked.

I justify it because:

“Oh Sherlock, one more step and I will kill you [sic]”

SHERLOCK SAID HIMSELF, IN HIS OWN HEAD THROUGH MYCROFT, THAT HE WAS MURDERED. WHICH MEANS “KILLED”. The word was even EMPHASIZED AND ELONGATED TO PROVE THIS POINT.

THE DOCTORS CALLED “TIME” ON THE TABLE. THEY GAVE UP.

HE FLATLINED.

WHEN SHE FOUND OUT HE SURVIVED, SHE WENT BACK TO FINISH THE JOB. The only reason she didn’t is because, as Sherlock explained, “If I die here, my body will be found in a building with your face projected on the front of it. Even Scotland Yard could get somewhere with that. [x]”

Read the entire Leinster Gardens exchange. It’s Sherlock essentially manipulating Mary to make her THINK that HE THINKS she didn’t mean to kill him. Her on-screen reactions tell a different story: She’s incredulous that he’s so “stupid”. They’re playing each other.

I seriously don’t know how else to fucking get this point across to y’all honestly. I’m done. I am not replying to this argument anymore because it’s becoming circular. I don’t know how else I can prove to you he legally died and she intended to kill him. John was the prize. She wanted to keep him.

I’ll say it again:

If Mary was a Man, and did EVERYTHING SHE DID IN HLV, THERE WOULD BE NO ARGUMENT that Sherlock was supposed to stay dead.

Done, finis, end of story.

#mary morstan #mary watson #sherlock holmes #sherlock #hlv meta #hlv #meta

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